#that despite being raised in a loving and caring environment he wants to destroy everything while Allen wants to save everything

[dragon-toad]

HOT TAKE : Makarov was a bad father (and a bad grandfather)

I'm expecting a big wave of hate with this one... BUT LET ME EXPLAIN

We can dive into the generational trauma theory : we know Yuri has been profoundly hurt by his wife's death (giving birth to Makarov) and this is a thing we should consider. In most cases, people live with the burden of the death of their partner until they die, which could have been Yuri's case. And the idea that somehow his wife died for his son... Well, angst potential.

Now : death of a loved one + wife who dies giving birth to his son = difficult father-son relationship

And even if Yuri didn't do it intentionally, there could have been a distance between the father and the son, and it has repercussions on the futur.

So yes, it maybe happened completely differently, but let's consider this hypothesis to understand what comes after :

Makarov was raised in the guild, where everybody is friendly. The only thing is his daddy issues. He ends up considering the guild more important, so the thing to cherish and protect at all cost.

Everything is fine.

Then, Ivan enters the game.

I know it's very fun to have an antagonist in the family of the master, the man presented as the most loving, a father for all the lost children, etc. BUT maybe we can go a little deeper.

We sometimes have this idea that some characters are born meaner than others, it allows us to ignore psychology and sociology, but it's not fun.

We can suppose Ivan was born in the guild, like Makarov and certainly Laxus. And as it's shown every single second that Fairy Tail is a very healthy environment, a "big family", so even if Ivan was a bit twisted, he would not have been so mean with his colleagues, provoking his exclusion, and he would have not tried to destroy the guild.

Unless he have daddy issues too. Let's consider : Makarov has a son and the mother is nowhere to be found. Doesn't it remind you of something ? But Makarov know his relationship with his father wasn't awesome, so he tries differently.

So two possibilities can be explored :

1- Ivan is a spoiled child. Being the master's son allows him to do reprehensible things and not be punished after, or not too much, and Makarov wants to give him all the freedom he didn't have. Until he almost kills another member of the guild. Then Makarov is forced to expel him. He takes away the thing that gave Ivan an almost unlimited power, and he doesn't like it. So if he can't have Fairy Tail, nobody will.

2- Makarov prefers the guild to his son. He doesn't know how to raise a kid, what if he screws like his father ? (Spoiler : he does) So when Precht makes him the new master, he puts all his soul into his job. But Ivan wants a father. So he does everything to make his father notice him, to make his father proud. It leads him to dark places, and thus, being strong = being good enough. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, because he ends up expelled. So, by pure rage, he decides to destroy the thing his father loved more than him. (It's my favorite version)

In both cases, Ivan manipulates his son into believing that being strong is the only way for him to be respected, to be seen.

Which leads us to the Laxus part (finally)

It's canon that Ivan pushed his son to be the strongest (to the point he put a lacrima in his body) so yeah, Laxus has daddy issues. But he has gampa issues too.

Let's continue with the theory we built on this post : Makarov doesn't really raise his son, why would he raise his grandson ?

But we see Makarov taking care of a very young Laxus. Thus, Laxus once loved his grandfather. Except Ivan didn't. So we can suppose he decided to keep his son under his control by manipulating him into thinking he has to be the strongest.

Then Ivan was banned.

The problem with an abusive relationship is that the victim thinks the abuser is on the right, which explains why Laxus was all but happy his father was expelled. But he stayed in Fairy Tail, because despite everything, Fairy Tail is his home. But this home is controlled by the man who banned his father (his abuser)

Laxus becomes a rank-S mage, which means he's the strongest. He has all the rights to make Fairy Tail his home, not Makarov's.

Well yes, but no.

Because there's Mirajane, a prodigy so fucking strong she becomes a rank-S mage too. But Lisanna dies, and suddenly everybody loves Mirajane. She even becomes the right arm of Makarov, because she's too weak now to create problems now.

And there's Natsu and Gray, Makarov's little boys. They're noisy, annoying, but they have potential. They have the potential to become stronger than Laxus. And Makarov loves them.

But more important, because there's Erza, who is so strong, so kind, so nice... Who is his grandfather's favorite. The same grandfather who did nothing when Ivan imprisoned Laxus into a psychological jail and who banned Ivan for somebody else's weakness. And Laxus knows it : she is the future master of Fairy Tail. She will steal his home and make it even weaker.

So he has to take Fairy Tail now, even if his grandfather dies in the process. Better, it will make things easier !

But in the end, Laxus loves Fairy Tail. He loves the guild enough to not betray everybody by joining his father's guild.

Laxus broke the cycle. And I don't think it was thanks to Makarov. If Laxus broke the cycle, it's because despite everything, he has weirdos to stick with. The Raijinshuu are a safe place for Laxus, they are strong enough to be his friends colleagues, they don't call him "psychotic" when he tells them he wants the guild, and more important, they care for him.

Laxus broke the cycle thanks to people who cared for him. They even wanted to follow him when he was banned ! But he said no, because he care for them and he knows they will be better in Fairy Tail.

Now, let's consider : travelling must have felt like therapy for Laxus : he's not part of Fairy Tail anymore and he's sure he will never have the possibility to come back, but he will not join his father because he doesn't want to put his friends in danger. So he has to do something by himself, not under the influence of his father. And I believe this emancipation was beneficial for him. He could learn what it means to be himself, not Ivan's son or Makarov's grandson.

I don't think he fully forgave Makarov for his inaction and for loving other more than him, and he's not completely out of Ivan's philosophy, those things need time, but he escaped the cycle.

[queer-reader-07]

ok buckle up cuz we’re talking about ✨religious trauma✨ today (i’m allowed to sparkle emoji it this is entirely a self insert meta)

ok so aziraphale in the context of religious trauma. specifically, why i think his character is one of the most accurate and real portrayals of religious trauma in media. and i want to explore that because i’ve seen it talked about a little bit but my raised catholic turned queer trans self has some more thoughts.

a lot more under the cut

i’m sure we’ve all seen the “why would aziraphale leave crowley?” “why would he go to heaven?” “doesn’t he know heaven is bad?” posts. or some flavor of the same idea.

and they seem to be coming from the same crowd who also think that aziraphale going to heaven was “out of character”. which isn’t true if i’m being perfectly honest.

when we look at aziraphale through the lens of trauma, his actions begin to make a lot more sense. he is in an abusive and toxic relationship with heaven. and we all know (or at least we all should know) that leaving toxic/abusive environments isn’t an easy feat. and more often than not, abuse victims are very likely to end up in an abusive situation again.

aziraphale only knows heaven. while he and crowley have both seen that heaven doesn’t always do the best things (e.g. killing everyone in the flood, wanting to kill jobs kids, armageddon 1 AND 2), crowley has seen first hand that heaven is bad. crowley has fallen (or sauntered vaguely downwards), he’s been told that he isn’t worthy of heaven. that he isn’t enough. and he knows that what heaven does is so often wrong. he see that, because heaven already cast him out. why would he bother defending them?

but aziraphale only has heaven and has only ever had heaven. yeah he doesn’t agree with heaven or God on all fronts but heaven is still the right side,,, right? heaven is still his side.

aziraphale is comfortable with heaven. he’s used to it. and admitting to himself that heaven is toxic or problematic or bad would dismantle everything he’s ever told himself. it would mean admitting that he is a part of that toxic/etc institution. and possibly complacent in it.

(side bar: i would argue he isn’t complacent. we’ve seen him defy the will of God or heaven multiple times. see: giving up the flaming sword & lying about it, saving job’s kids and lying about it, stopping armageddon)

speaking from a personal perspective here: religious trauma is a beast to deal with. and a lot of people with religious trauma (myself included) go back to The Church over and over again despite being burned by it so many times.

for me it was knowing that The Church didn’t care about my reproductive rights. and knowing that they didn’t condone my queerness. and knowing that they think i’m somehow sinful for the music i listen to or the clothes i wear. and knowing that they believe my friends who are wonderful people and i love deeply are doomed to eternal damnation because they aren’t catholic.

aziraphale is the same way. for him it was being shown over and over again that heaven doesn’t care about him. doesn’t care about humanity. doesn’t care about what he thinks. doesn’t care (and in fact actively hates) the one being he loves more than anything. doesn’t care about anything but “triumphing over hell” (whatever that means).

but he kept going back. and i kept going back. i kept going to sunday mass for years after i figured out i was queer. i kept going long after i settled on my leftist politics that are far too radical for the catholic church. and aziraphale kept going back. despite having worked side by side with a demon for millennia. despite heaven wanting to kill his best friend/lover/most important person. despite wanting to destroy humanity (not just in armageddon, the flood did happen).

it takes a lot of work to even begin stepping away from toxic and abusive institutions. aziraphale gets better. season 1 is very “i am an angel you are a demon we cannot work together (but also we definitely are)” but by season 2 we have “our car” “my former people” “i thought we carved [this fragile peaceful existence] out for ourselves”. he’s beginning to realize that heaven does not have his back. he is on a side with crowley. they are in it together.

and yet. he still goes back to heaven. after all this time. all the failed attempts to get heaven to hear him out. why is he going back now? after a love confession from the demon he loves more than literally anything ever.

because he wants to enact change. he wants to finally see heaven rebuilt so that humanity is safe. so that the things he loves about the world are left unchanged. and most importantly, so crowley is safe. and he can only do that if he fixes heaven, right?

i know i’m not the only one who’s thought to myself “i’d be more religious if only i could fix The Church” or something adjacent. this idea that it’s an institution that can be fixed. when in fact, organized religion can’t be fixed. the structure it’s built upon is inherently flawed. personal faith is beautiful and i value my own, but organized religion will always bear systemic issues and oppressions.

aziraphale wants to be the change. he wants to fix it. that’s why he went back. he didn’t reject crowley. he didn’t leave crowley because he doesn’t love him back. he went back because he loves crowley. he went back because if he fixes it, crowley will finally be safe.

and i for one, want to see him succeed. i want him to be able to actually fix heaven. i want him fighting tooth and nail to make the world a safe place for the love of his life.

i want him to succeed in the change the rest of us never managed. i want him fulfilling what was mine and so many others dreams.

[morgana-ren]

(pregnancy squick anon here) How would each of the Bastard 4 respond to their little lovely falling pregnant? (And who would have done it on purpose?)

Alright, we'll start with everyone's favorite prick:

Nightmare

You haven't truly seen him happy until you fall pregnant. Rest easy without any doubts in your mind that it was very much intentional. All Nightmare wants in this life, albeit semi-secretly, is to be a father with children of his own. He goes moon-eyed at the thought of having kids of his own and it's fair to say that besides the throne, it's the thing he's lusted after most his entire life.

If Nightmare doesn't want you to get pregnant, you won't. It's simple as that. But the thing about him is that if he's sleeping with you, he has more or less 'chosen' you. Nightmare doesn't sleep around; it isn't his style. So, if he's abusing you sexually, whether he admits it or not, there's something about you he very much likes and you will, sooner or later, face the issue of him falling very deeply in love and wanting to spend the rest of his very long life with you.

Nightmare will threaten to breed and impregnate you and fill your belly with 'little princes and princesses' to terrify you, and a lot of the time, he won't do it (thank Bane for magical contraception). But one day, one very inevitable day, when everything falls into place for him and he's comfortable and secure, it will happen.

Nightmare is easily the most 'traditional' of the lot and wants to be married and have a family. He thinks it's the finest aspiration a man can have. He's very staunchly pro-family and goes as far as having a domestic kink. The thought of his little wife, barefoot and pregnant, cooking him dinner and adoring him is enough to make him bust in an embarrassing way.

He's very much into traditional gender roles and if he had his way, he would be the big macho man provider for his wife. He wants to be taken care of domestically while being viewed as the big, strong provider (despite the fact he doesn't have a job unless he's a king, he's literally a pirate and steals to provide, although provide he does.) He wants a traditional, loving family with home cooked meals and a warm hearth, sharing a bed and a life with his wife.

He will enforce this dream.

There's ways to manipulate him and maneuver your life with him to get more of what you want, but ultimately, this is what he wants, and what he wants, he gets. Bearing his children is inevitable past a certain point. I don't think he would even allow his brothers to get in the way of that. They can suck it up and deal.

Weirdly, he's also incredible to you while you're pregnant.

The most obnoxious part is he will treat you like glass. Fragile, small, and delicate, even if you insist that you're not. He won't touch you sexually while you're carrying his children, in case it harms the babies. He's the type of man that's going to read every baby book he can get his hands on and want to deliver the children himself, and if you won't allow that, plan on him taking over the entire delivery room anyway.

He wants his children raised in a loving and stable home and will go as far as to leave Hell and its politically unstable environment behind to keep his wife and children safe. He won't give up his rule, but he gets extra vicious about protection and will torture and murder if he sniffs even a hint of trouble. If he moves you to the surface world, he is coming too. You are not separating from him ever. Where you and the children go, he goes.

Have his children and you've cemented your life with him. You're his wife for life. For better or worse. Forever.

Reaver

Reaver, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is going to take every precaution he can so as to keep you from falling pregnant.

Ironically enough, he is a father already and just doesn't know it. Nightmare and Astarion know, but don't tell him because they think it would destroy him, and they're right. He means so much to them that even Nightmare's scathing jealousy over it isn't enough to break their bond.

Reaver's reluctance to have a family stems from deeply rooted trauma and insecurity. If you were to ask him, he'd make a face and just say "Eugh, disgusting." But that's not the full story. Deep down, he is terrified of progressing his life or growing in any capacity. He hides his wounds with hedonism and libertine proclivities, and he believes his 'fabulous lifestyle' would be impeded by children. He also claims not to like them and is easily the biggest obstacle for Nightmare when they're sharing a love interest.

Hilariously enough, he's not bad with children. When Nightmare has them, 'Uncle' Reaver is quite good with them and lavishes affection on them even as he claims not to.

Thing with Reaver is that any connection terrifies him. He sleeps around constantly, and while he can fall in love, he will fight it the hardest and will be the most reluctant to cement anything at all. Getting him to propose is almost impossible unless he thinks he's going to lose you to one of the others. He doesn't necessarily want a traditional life with traditional marriage— or he doesn't at first. He would tell you he doesn't want any connection at all, and he wouldn't be lying. Being immortal and watching the world and everyone you come to love inevitably die has taken a toll on him, and he will not take that step unless he knows he won't outlive you.

When he stops entertaining anyone else, that's when you've well and truly got him, but you don't necessarily have to worry about having his kids nearly as much as you might with the others. Reaver is perfectly content with you by his side 'belonging' to him. Eventually the thought of marriage does occur to him, but he fights it harder than the others. When he does finally relent, he approaches it as a savvy business proposal rather than anything heartfelt because it makes him feel vulnerable to do otherwise.

If you do fall pregnant for whatever reason, he's going to panic. He knows he makes for piss poor father material (the same reason he was never made aware of his existing children) and he doesn't know how to change.

Funny enough, I think he'd end up taking to it well enough. He's a... Strange and unconventional father figure to be sure, but he does eventually catch on. When he loves, he loves deeply and fiercely, and that extends to his children. Only the finest for them. He knows what good parenting looks like and he would try very hard to emulate that, but more often than not, you're going to end up going "Reaver, no!" while he snickers.

While it's not something he openly or actively wants, I think he'd end up a fine father. He would panic and be terrified and he certainly doesn't take to it as effortlessly as someone like Nightmare, but he's astute and he does have a great capacity for love.

Unfortunately for him, his desire to cum inside overtakes any caution he might have. If Nightmare decides to 'slip' on the birth control, there's not much preventing it from happening. He won't abandon you or try to force you into anything, but you will have to soothe his anxiety more than someone like, say, Nightmare. He's going to take a lot of encouragement and patience.

Astarion

Astarion lies in the middle. He's somewhat ambivalent to the whole thing, and frankly, he doesn't even think it's possible.

He's never put much thought into children. He knows he'll end up an uncle to Nightmare's someday, and that's about as far into it as he's gotten. He doesn't know if vampires are capable of having children, and he doesn't really have anyone to ask, so he just doesn't worry about it.

If you do fall pregnant, it's going to confuse him, to be sure. He's going to ask if you're sure, how you know, and, if applicable, if you're certain they aren't Nightmare's. He's then going to deep-dive into every esoterica book he can find about vampiric pregnancy.

It's going to terrify him, but not necessarily because he doesn't want kids. It's going to scare him because he doesn't know what to expect and he doesn't know if it'll hurt you or if you'll even survive. Half-vampire children is a scary thought, especially if their mother is mortal. He doesn't know if the kids will be vampires or if they'll be mortsl or what is going on.

It's not that he doesn't want children. He's just never thought about it. He didn't think he'd ever be in this position, and it takes him by surprise, to be sure.

Ultimately, once he got a handle on things and knew what to expect, I think he'd be excited and happy. He's a bit more fumbling with it than Nightmare but his intentions are wholly pure. You're going to have to lead him through a lot of the steps just because he doesn't know what he's doing. I think he'd be a fine father once he got the hang of it.

I wouldn't go as far as to say it's intentional unless you've been together a long time and he's had time to think and research. If he ever gets the idea of children well and truly put in his head, he's going to be curious, but it's going to take a while. He's content being an uncle for the most part, but eventually, he might start to wonder about a family of his own.

He won't impregnate you against your will like Nightmare might. That's something he's going to want to discuss and be damned sure that it's something both of you want. If you're open to it, he's content to start trying. A lot.

Obviously, his brothers are an obstacle here, especially if they share a love interest. If push comes to shove, Nightmare is going to win out and come first in terms of children. Astarion is acutely aware how badly Nightmare needs and wants this, and frankly, it might be good to do some sort of... Trial run before he has kids of his own.

However, if enough time passes, and you're up to raising more with him (with him being more or less pushy) it's something he's going to want and think about.

Ilya

Ilya is mostly in perpetual bachelor mode. The only true love interests he's ever had have been concubines, and he didn't care much for them. They were there for their bodies and that was that. When he tired of them, he swapped them out. That's how he does most things. He's deeply afraid of vulnerability and connection.

He would never impregnate a concubine. Ever. Not even for their sake, but because he doesn't want a son like himself. He doesn't want his children to loathe their father like he loathed his. He had a remarkable bond with his mother, and if he were to ever have children, that's a bond he would want to share with them. He would want the mother of his children to love him so he could be there for all of them and grow and love them.

Impregnating some poor girl against her will is a very good way to ensure your children despise you.

He's very aware that kink is different than reality, so like Nightmare, he will threaten to breed you, but unlike Nightmare, the thought of children doesn't send him into an uncontrollable feral state of delight. It's not something he would ever consider with a pet or a concubine, so for him to even start thinking about it, you have to be very special and different to him. That's actually easier done than it seems, because not only is he starved for affection, but if he's taken you, chances are he's already enamored with who you are as a person.

When he does think about it, it's earnest and genuine. It's something he will only approach when he feels like you have some level of feeling for him in turn, and that you both want to have a family together. It's a lot of vulnerability to approach so he really has to feel comfortable. He would want to be married for a while so you can be sure you want to be with him. (Keep in mind, he doesn't care if you want to leave him. You're not leaving. Period. But he won't impregnate you if that's something you're thinking about.)

It's something he would dedicate himself to, likely walking away from his responsibilities in Hell with Nightmare's blessing to dedicate himself full time to being a father and husband.

The issue with Ilya is he needs to unlearn a lot of the toxic shit he grew up with. He's going to struggle with too much or too little affection because he had both. He struggles with emotion and obviously his woman falling pregnant is a heavily emotional time. The good thing is that he wants to, so if you're patient with him, he's a quick learner.

Also, like Nightmare, Ilya will drop a lot of the sadistic bullshit once you're pregnant and have a family together— at least around them, and at least within reason. Neither of them wants their children raised in an unhealthy environment with a miserable mother, so he will put in a good deal of effort to ensure that this doesn't happen.

His heritage is very important to him, so he would want his children to know their roots and understand his culture. You would be learning the languages he speaks (if you don't already speak them) and raising your children in a trilingual home— if not more than trilingual. He would teach them skills that he learned as a kid, including self-defense, hunting, survival, and other basic skills. Though, to be frank, he spoils his children even as he doesn't mean to. He turns very soft for them and his wife.

Like Reaver, he would provide the finest for his children, but he's a bit stricter than Reaver might be. Their safety is the foremost priority, and he wants them happy and healthy and thriving. He's fiercely protective over his family, and people are liable to disappear if he feels they are threatening. There's nothing he won't do to ensure that, and he's very clever. You do not want to be on the receiving end of an angry daddy Ilya.

Ilya has the capability to be a great father if he can allow himself to be vulnerable. He would genuinely love his children and want them to be happy. He doesn't care about gender roles and he's happy being a stay-at-home father (he's already independently wealthy.) However, mommy will very much be a stay-at-home mommy. He thinks the bond between mother and child is extremely important and there's really no reason for you to work when both of your jobs should be raising your family together. You don't have to become a domestic goddess like you would with Nightmare, but the thought does charm him.

Obviously, their uncles would be a big part of their life, but again, like Nightmare, he would not abide any bullshit from them. No blood, murder, death, or debauchery around his family. His children are not to know about his secret life. He wants his children to think he's a loving, normal, if a little eccentric father.

I think deep down, Ilya yearns for a family. He won't acknowledge it unless he feels very comfortable, but he's probably second to Nightmare in terms of desiring children. What he truly wants is a genuine love and connection with his wife, and to raise a happy, healthy family. If his wife and children didn't desire immortality, he would find a way to age alongside them. He has intimate knowledge of the afterlife, and he would find a way to be with his family even after death. No matter who he has to kill.

If you fall pregnant with Ilya, rest assured it's very much intentional and something you have likely agreed to and talked about. That's important to him. He was the child of a reluctant mother, and he doesn't want his babies harboring the same resentment that he does towards his late father.

[bibatbrat]

TMA Season 4

I did take a hiatus for several months three episodes before the finale for unknown (depressed) reasons 🥲 But nonetheless, I stay silly

Oliver Banks relatable as hell for stealing a dead man’s identity to sneak aboard a scientific research vessel so that he can get some damn sleep

But also him laying out for John what’s happening and why and the choice he needs to make… and then John starting to breathe again…. God

Tim being the first one John asks about when he wakes up. Screaming and crying and throwing up.

And Basira immediately adding Daisy 🥲

He’s The Archivist now huh

I love Melanie so much, queen of having emotions that no one else will fucking acknowledge

Chelicerae and the story-spinner are so good, I’m 100% stealing them for DnD or something

John saying he wishes he could talk to his team and then acknowledging that he’s nostalgic for something that never really happened 🥺

Simon Fairchild is so funny, man just loves being spooky dooky

Civilian Casualties is very good. I don’t normally care that much for the Slaughter statements, but this one was tasty

Performing non-consensual surgery on your unconscious co-worker = hostile work environment?

Martin talking to the tape recorder is so fucking cute

Man, that coffin just fucking loves eating cops huh

John using his powers to track Martin down for a convo…. Gay as hell

Martin telling John that he won’t let him die again…. Gay as hell

The whole concept of “bias of survivorship” is so interesting… I know that John doesn’t want to access that knowledge, but I do

Personally think that the Flesh ritual should have been called “the Munchies” but that’s just me

Helen trapping Jared in a rat maze labyrinth is so funny, I love her

Self-harm in the name of seeking knowledge… yes 😌

Jared’s so funny for being an Avatar and nope-ing out of his Fear’s ritual. He simply did not feel like it.

ngl seems a little disingenuous to leave behind an explanation/apology to your friends for the stupid thing you’re about to do w the rib that you got yanked out of you for some spilled tea (a stupid thing to do)

*uses my evil magic powers to give my friend therapy*

Seriously though, Daisy and John have a… rocky relationship, but it was very nice for them to get some Comfort together in the midst of the Hurt

The Everchase is so good. They got the zoomies

T H E E X T I N C T I O N

Shoutout to the Web and the End for being the baddest bitches around

I do love the “protag works for the bad guys bc they’ve traded their service for the safety of the people they care about” trope

Martin putting a bunch of tapes on the coffin to help John find his way back 🥺

Very funny that the Dark’s ritual was like “what if we had a sun….. of DARKNESS 😈😈😈”

John being disappointed that he can’t watch the cursed Web horror movies… same, bestie

Gertrude saying that she cares for Gerard and doesn’t want to risk losing him stopping the Unknowing… makes me 🥺 but also lowkey makes everything so much worse

Elias telling Martin that his decision about joining the Lonely is “too important to interfere with” is so funny

Smirke’s statement is so interesting… it’s wild that someone who was so instrumental in the academia of the Fears would have a change of heart so close to the end. It’s also wild that he continues to trust Jonah despite it all. At least he got the quick death he prayed for.

The Desolation’s beef with Gertrude after Agnes is so tasty

And the way they create Agnes is so wonderfully fucked up and terrible

Agnes being destroyed by DOUBT. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE MADE THEM HANG HERRRRRRR

John getting hurt when he tries to use his powers to Know what Peter’s plans are is very good

Can’t believe Mikaele Salesa fell for the old “one last job” trap 😔 we hate to see it

Gertrude intimidating Arthur Nolan…. What a fucking girlboss

V much like Arthur’s notion that the entities understand people as little as people understand them

And him talking about how he thinks they fucked up raising Agnes bc they treated her as their messiah and not as a child 🥺

Annabelle 💜

Basira beating the shit out of Elias is very funny

Cul-de-sac is so fucking good

Daisy saving John from Julia and Trevor… Hunter v Hunter shit is AWESOME

Eric’s statement makes me crazy… I love all of the old Institute drama and it’s so fucked up to hear him being so intensely focused on keeping Gerry safe when we know in the present-day that he’s dead

John going to Martin to suggest that they both blind themselves and run away together… Gay

Cost of Living is also fucking bonkers

Melanie ☹️

Peter thinking that it’s funny to jump out and scare Martin is so fucking funny

Adelard concrete-ing an avatar to death(-ish) is badass as hell

But also very funny to imagine him doused in gasoline and about to light the match when he’s like “oh shit!!!” and runs off to write the email real quick lol

Georgie and Melanie… love wins

I love it when John tries to compel another avatar and they get into a stand-off. I think he loses to Helen because he’s acting out of the very human emotions of fear and love. To do it properly, I bet he needs to lose more of his humanity

Peter mentioning Tim and Martin shutting him down… my heart…

Jolias…..

Gertrude challenging Elias to shut the fuck up or actually kill her and him shooting her in the heart before she even finishes the threat is so camp, I love him

Daisy letting the Hunt overtake her so that she can fight Julia and Trevor AGHHHHHHHH

Elias and Peter do have incredibly divorced energies and I love them for it

Peter taunting John in the Lonely while he desperately looks for Martin

Oh god and him coming out with the “you won’t be able to hurt anyone if you stay in here ☺️”

It kills me how readily Peter gives up his statement. Yeah he resists and yeah he’s compelled, but once John gets him started it all comes tumbling out so easily… something something ironic how an avatar of the Lonely jumps so quickly at the chance of being heard and understood, the most human connection of all

Absolutely fascinated by the Lukas family dynamics… need some more statements from those bitches

Gertrude fucking stops his ritual by cancelling him, I’m….

The parallels between John compelling Martin to see him in the Lonely to follow him out versus John compelling Tim to see the truth behind the Unknowing to stop it (by killing himself)

OH IT’S THE FUCKING MEME HERE WE GOOOOO

I love Elias so much, what a fucking bitch

What a fantastic villainous monologue 💜

Oh they are so fucking fucked

[nocapesdahling]

As the World Falls Down - Chapter 3

Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Chapter Summary:  In which you have a plan to save yourself and Alena, but have no idea if it’s going to work. Either way, you have to try.

Rating: Mature (17+)

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Angst; Misunderstandings that lead to angst; Established canon character deaths; Did I mention angst?

A/N: We have reached the end of Part 1 and the Age of Ultron arc. I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far, and would love to hear your thoughts. 

Chapter 3: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1

Word Count: 2.4k

You made sure Alena was strapped in tightly on your chest and that everything was in place. With time running out and Novi Grad continuing to rise, it was as good as it was going to get. You needed to move now. You had your prototype boots and gauntlets, which should allow you to fly. You hoped they would at least. Your main consolation was that they worked during testing, even if that had been in a controlled environment.

You had always admired Tony Stark, being something of a child prodigy yourself and starting college at a similar age to him. When you had first seen the Iron Man suit, your first thoughts had been of awe like any person who got a glimpse of Iron Man. Yet most people probably didn’t think what you had thought later, while considering the technology behind the suit and how to go about making your own.

Well, if he can do it then why can’t I? How hard could it be, really?

It turned out to be a bit more difficult than you’d thought, but you had developed something after much trial and error. However, you hadn’t tested anything in the open air yet. The previous test was only a short one to see if your prototypes would work and you had hovered a few feet over solid ground at most. That was why your plan only had a 65% success rate, but you had confidence in your technology and hope. In Sokovia, you couldn’t get far without hope.

You noticed the air getting thin as the city continued to rise, so you fitted Alena with an oxygen mask. You had a tank available in your apartment for squad emergencies, and were amazed how many times it had been used in the past. Your squad got into the oddest situations. There had been Andrei’s mission with the diplomat and the ice cream swimming pool and Mila’s with the yacht and the hammerhead sharks. All classified of course.

You digressed. There were more important things to consider right now, even as you wondered how your squad would take the loss of their handler when Helmut told them. You knew that it would hit them harder than they would ever admit. They emulated Helmut’s stoicism when in the field and today was still a mission, even if it was unlike any other. The destruction of one’s home was not something any of them had encountered before. If you couldn’t be there, then you hoped your gadgets would help to protect them today and in the future. You planned to be there.

You clipped the oxygen tank to your tactical gear and hoped that it wouldn’t unbalance you too much. You would need all the balance you could muster if this plan were to succeed.

Once you were as ready as you could be, it was time. The city had to fall at some point and you wanted to be in the air when it did as the height it had reached would cause a destructive impact radius. You brushed a kiss to Alena’s head, seeing her little feet kicking and knowing that she was awake.

“Not the best timing, little one. This might be a bit scary, Alena, so I wanted you to know that I love you. Already. So much. I think I loved you as soon as I saw you. Wish us luck, my little Alena Heike. We’re going to need it.”

With that and the realization that you had reached the edge of the city, you took a deep breath, taking one last glance back at the city that had been your home for most of your life. Then, you braced yourself, stepped off the edge, and flew. Well, you took a moment to stabilize yourself as the only other time you had done this was in a local park in the middle of the night and then you had grass to land on not open sky. But then, you flew.

You flew like the birds you had admired for their freedom and grace and like Iron Man. Tony Stark had nothing on you. You let out a joyful laugh, forgetting your circumstances for a moment. You forgot the swarm of robots on the other side of the city, the fact that your home was in the process of being destroyed, that you may never see Helmut again, and that you weren’t sure if you and your baby would get out of this alive. Nothing else mattered at that moment because you were flying.

Then you were shocked back to the present as to your disbelief the city began to freefall, plummeting quickly and devastatingly towards Earth before exploding mid air. You could see from where you were that it looked like Iron Man and Thor had blown it up somehow, but you couldn’t understand why the Avengers hadn’t been able to stop it from falling in the first place.

Why hadn’t they been able to save Sokovia? They had saved New York. It didn’t make sense. The world had painted them as infallible. These were Earth’s heroes? They did not look so “Mighty” now.

The debris began to land too hard and too fast. It looked like it would impact more of the surrounding area than you had anticipated.

You gasped in horror, the tears freezing on your cheeks. If a building was hit with debris of that size, then the result would be catastrophic. You worried immediately for your squad and Helmut, turning on your earpiece with frantic movements even as you unbalanced without one of your gauntlets.

You tried Helmut. You tried Ana, Branko, Claudia, Andrei, and the other members of your squad. No one answered.

The base wasn’t that far away, not when you calculated the radius of the debris. It would be difficult, but you could make it there. You had to make it there. You needed to know.

You flew above and around where the debris was falling and jerkily made your way towards the base, still not as smooth as you wished you were or as fast as you wanted to be. You arrived to the sight you hoped not to see.

The base had been hit by a large piece of debris from the city and was collapsing in on itself. You landed as smoothly as you could a distance away and caught yourself on a tree, falling to your knees. No one could have survived that.

Helmut was gone. Helmut Zemo was dead.

Your chest hurt and your vision was blurry as your mind whirled.

You had survived, while Helmut had died. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You would never see him again.

How did this happen?!, was your last thought before slumping backwards into a faint.

In your horror at the base’s collapse, you had forgotten the existence of its reinforced underground bunker where technology did not work and where your entire squad including their leader, Colonel Helmut Zemo, waited for the dust of Novi Grad to settle. Very much alive and in quiet mourning for their lost Q. They would exit through the tunnels a few hours later, coming out miles away from where you collapsed.

In fact, you wouldn’t recall the bunker’s existence until a little over a year later and by then it would be too late.

---------------------------------

You awoke in the hospital. It took you a moment to realize what had happened and where you were. With that, came the realization in your mind that you would never see Helmut or hear his deep voice calling you his Q ever again. Despite the gaping hole in your chest and your desire to let yourself be numb, you needed to find Alena. You gasped and sat up too quickly before falling backwards out of dizziness.

You breathed in and out to calm yourself the way you often had as you assisted your squad in the completion of missions, and clicked the button to raise the bed as you looked around the room. You were in a gown and had no idea what had happened to your gauntlets and boots, but hoped they had been destroyed in the landing.

You heard Helmut’s voice in your head as you pinpointed the potential exits and any possible weapons.

“The first step, my Q, is to always survey your surroundings. Get your bearings and be prepared for anything. Be prepared to fight, but also to run if necessary. There is no shame in running. Running can save your life and I, my darling Q, would much rather see you alive .”

You smiled bitterly before letting it fade. You were not in any shape to run at the moment, and Helmut was no longer there to advise you. Your memories of him would have to suffice.

As you surveyed the room, you glimpsed your pack in the corner of the room and what looked like your highly damaged prototypes alongside it. There next to your bed was a crib and laying inside was Alena, who looked clean, like she had been changed, and who was sleeping soundly.

You let a small and real smile touch your lips. She was safe. You were safe. Both of you were alive. Helmut was not.

No, you couldn’t let yourself think of it. Not now. Maybe, not ever.

You pressed the call button for the nurse, hoping this was a real hospital and not some elaborate plot. It looked real, but one could never be sure.

“Finally awake, are you? Good, I’m glad to see it. I was beginning to worry about what might happen to your daughter.” The nurse said in rapid fire Sokovian as she bustled into the room.

“Yes, thank you. How long have we been here and where are we?” You had to clear your throat multiple times and even then your voice came out as a rasp.

The nurse poured some water into a cup, drank it, and then offered you some as well. “You probably do not remember, but you were rescued three days ago. You have been awake sporadically, and even then you were groggy. That is why you do not remember. For your second question, you are in a hospital in the Czech Republic. We are taking care of multiple Sokovian refugees.”

“But you are speaking Sokovian?”

The nurse frowned and leaned closer. She looked like she wanted to pat your hand or hold it. You were glad she did not. “Sokovia is gone. This time for good. There were not many survivors. My mother was Sokovian. I thought a familiar language might be of comfort to you. It has been to the other survivors we’re treating.”

You attempted to read her face and her eyes like Helmut had taught you. She drank the water before giving you some, which was a point in her favor.  She also did not look like a plant and you let yourself relax a bit, but kept your guard up in case you were wrong. You knew that Novi Grad had been destroyed and the devastation the debris must have caused, but it was hard to believe that your country was gone. It had been failing for years, but it was still yours. Yours, Heike’s, Carl’s, Alena’s, and Helmut’s. Now, it would only exist in the memory of its survivors.

You pushed the thought of Helmut aside for the moment, but at the thought of Heike and Carl you knew what question needed to be asked. “Have they released a list of survivors?”

“Not yet, but I do not want you to get your hopes up.”

You hated to think that the nurse was right, that Heike and Carl were also gone. They had been miles from the city however, so you had to hold on to hope for their sake. You could not consider never seeing Heike’s hair in the sunlight or Carl’s smiling face again. They were part of your family. You needed to find out what happened to them. “Please let me know as soon as they release the list.”

“I will, dear. I will.” The nurse gave you a pained smile that looked more like a grimace. “Now, we got your name and identification from your pack. I was in charge of your admission papers, and did not include any reference to your military rank to be safe. Sokovia is gone, so I did not want it to make you a target. What you were wearing alone looked like it would draw some attention.”

You nodded and thought briefly, knowing that had only happened because the nurse had ties to Sokovia. She was showing honest care and concern in the best way she could, and you appreciated it. You had been correct in her not being a plant then. You pictured Helmut’s smile when you told him that you were putting his training to good use, before remembering that he was…

You couldn’t bring yourself to think the word. You had to keep it together. You couldn’t falter now. Not when Alena was counting on you.

You realized the nurse was still waiting for some kind of answer. “Thank you. A civilian life might be just what I need.”

The nurse smiled back, “Yet, we have no information on this little one. I have a birth certificate here to fill out. You are one of her parents, yes?” Alena continued to sleep in her crib, oblivious to the world around her.

“Yes,” you swallowed and rapidly thought of how to answer the next question that you knew was coming.

“And her other parent?”

“He died in Sokovia,” you felt a tear roll down your cheek. You wondered if you were prepared to continue. Saying it out loud made it real.

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear.” The nurse did pat your hand this time in commiseration before withdrawing when you tensed up. “Would you still like to put his name on the certificate?”

You steadied your breathing and hoped that when (you couldn’t bring yourself to think if) you found Heike, wherever she may be, that she would understand. You knew that you could not regret this decision. It felt too right for that.

“Yes,” you responded haltingly. The words seemed to catch in your throat. “His name is… Helmut Zemo and our baby’s name is Alena Heike Zemo.”

End of Part 1 - To Be Continued in Part 2: Burn it to the Ground…

A/N:  I know this chapter was angsty, but I hope you enjoyed part 1 of this fic. Part 2 will not have as regular updates because Part 1 was pre-written, but I’m working on it. Thank you all for reading!

[ninjastormhawkkat]

Alliance Swap Au: Other Characters

In my first post for this au, I mentioned which ally of Wordgirl is swapped. Some of this involves a swap of powers. It will also involve a swap of personality. Here is the outline for each characters.

Victoria and Violet:

I noticed that Victoria does have some good qualities despite her overall villainous character. (That is definitely her parents fault.) One thing I noted is that Victoria does have somewhat of a dependable character and she is smart enough to realize her situation and mistakes (when her ego is not in the way). In one episode (I forgot the name) Victoria was willing to work together with Wordgirl to get Wordgirl’s powers back from Victor. Even though Victoria’s main motivation was to not be out-bested by her brother, she did prove dependable in helping Wordgirl out. In this au, I increased Victoria’s better qualities. She is a loyal and dependable best friend to Becky. She still acts brash and is somewhat brutally honest, but she will acknowledge her flaws and sincerely apologize when called out for her bad behavior. She is sassy and will throw hands to protect her friends, even when she doesn’t have to. (Tobey and Becky often have to pull her back to keep Victoria from getting hurt or worse.) In this au, Victoria has a single ponytail, regular hair ribbons that are blue in color. She wears a light blue shirt with a grey jacket. Her skirt, shoes, and socks are the same as in canon. Victoria likes Pretty Princess (not to an extant as Becky). In this au her parents are corporate people. (Idk the jobs) They are better than their canon selves, but are a little distant due to how busy their jobs are. They do love their children and want the best for them (not pushing them to be the best always) they just don’t have the time to spend with them as they want to. Victoria’s parents do let Victor and Victoria stay with friends or a good babysitter when they are extremely busy. The Best’s home is not as extravagant as in canon and the rest of the family are dressed more normally and comfortably. (They are still an upper-class family, but look like a normal family to everyone else.) Instead of Art, Becky and Victoria take music class together. (Becky is still terrible.) Victoria does not have her powers. Victoria is sensible in this au, but does try to become a superhero because it looks awesome. “Violet Superhero” happens a little differently, but Victoria does not take the mantle anymore because she realizes she is not cut out for heroics and leave it to the professionals. She and Tobey are still fans of Wordgirl, neither are easily fooled as the rest of the city. (Victoria’s hero outfit is same as canon.) Victoria is basically sassy mostly and does have General Smoochington, but treats him like a loving pet in this au and is definitely a lot more caring toward him. 

For Violet, I decided to twist her good qualities and make them corrupt. This was based on the villain from Wander over Yonder, Dr. Screwball, and how he wanted to make everyone laugh, whether they wanted to or not. Violet in this au wants to live in a world where everything is all sunshine and rainbows and everyone is happy all the time. She thinks that everybody is a winner and it is not fair when someone gets a trophy when another person doesn’t. Violet was raised in an environment by her mother where everything and everybody needs to live in peace and harmony and those who don’t need to be shown the error of their ways. Ex. In the introduction episode for Victoria Best, Violet gets upset when Victoria earns a lot of trophies (not every trophy like in canon). So she takes them to “teach her a lesson” about humility. (In this au, Victoria earned her trophies because of her hard work.) Violet also gets upset when she sees how Wordgirl treats the villains even though she is just doing her job and treats them the same as canon. Violet does get mistaken for Wordgirl and does try to take up the role of Wordgirl just to prove that Wordgirl is doing a terrible job and she should become a hero to be more sympathetic to everyone. (Her hero outfit is “The Framer”). Her powers are similar to Victoria’s. She has pink eyes when she uses them to move and levitate stuff. Violet paints and shows everyone her painting which puts them in a hypnotic trance which keeps them in a peaceful state until the control wears off. (If anyone has watched the Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated episode “When Walks Aphrodite” it is similar to that.) 

Tobey and Scoops:

I sorta did the same thing as I did for Violet and Victoria in this au. There are no interest or ability swaps for these two.

Tobey in this au is just an avid, albeit a little too energetic, inventor. Tobey is head of the media/technical club and is in charge of the media stuff used in school such as electronics used for classrooms and organizing technical special effects for school events. Tobey still dresses the same, but acts like a lovable nerd. Both he and Becky have crushes on each other, but the boy is oblivious as heck that Becky has a crush on him. Becky is not as lovey-dovey as she is in canon with Scoops when expressing herself towards Tobey in this au. Tobey has no idea that Becky is Wordgirl until the “Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers” episode. Tobey still invents robots for fun on the side. 

For Scoops, you remember how I made his character in my Morally Gray Wordgirl au? Well he is a lot worse in this au. He is still a reporter and a part of the Daily Rag (not head reporter). In this au, Scoops will do anything to get a Scoop, even sometimes aiding villains or helping to cause incidents to just get a great story. (Since Tobey is not a villain in this au, I have Dr. Ape Brains taking over most of Tobey’s canon roles with some shifts to other villains.) He is obsessed with finding out Wordgirl’s identity and causes an incident where he messes with Tobey’s Robots which cause them to go on a rampage at Becky’s home and a few other instances. Scoops does not mean to get people hurt, but he is too focused on “getting the BIG scoop” to notice. He does get punished by his parents. Canon outfit.

Eileen and Rex:

Now I chose to swap these two because they are both similar in personality. The both have childlike curiosity and are equally energetic. They both tend to ignore what others tell them and seem to think they know what they are doing. 

In this au, Eileen is a alien superhero from the planet Gigantian. She can control her size changes and is super strong. She can’t fly but has incredible stamina and dexterity that allows her to leap high in the air. She still has the baby talk (kids on Gigantian talk like a baby until their 13.) This annoys the heck out of Becky. Steven now has to deal with two energetic superheroes. (Sarcastically) Lucky him. Her hero name is Giantess. Her hero outfit is a pink mask. She has a suit style similar to Kid Math’s, but the main colors are pink with purple gloves, boots, and a cape. Her insignia is a mini green person in a strongman stance with black radio wave lines surrounding the person which symbolizes Eileen’s growth and shrinking abilities. Her secret identity outfit is the same as in canon. Her hairstyle as a superhero is in a ponytail while her secret identity has her canon hair and bow.

Rex is a kid villain known has Math Whiz. He treats everything as a research study. Rex does believe every day is his birthday which entitles him to do anything he wants all in the name of research. In the introductory episode for Eileen (changed for this au) Rex takes Squeaky for a lab rat and obliviously ignores Squeaky biting him all the time for release. When he doesn’t get what he wants he uses his powers. Rex is able to project holographic math monsters of various sizes that either protect him, steal for him, or attack anyone that bothers him (on command). These monsters may be holographic but can hurt someone physically. They look like math numbers and equations, have sharp teeth, cartoon eyes and arms, and are mainly white in color with a blue hue that surrounds them. Luckily, the amount of math monsters Rex is able to generate depend on his level of entitlement. If he is greedy for one thing or if it is for small reasons, he can usually generate one monster. Even if he is able to generate multiple math monsters at once, it takes a lot of energy out of him so he can only do it a few times.  

Rose Franklin and Chazz:

Recently, I decided to do a character change swap for Rose Franklin. I originally picked Katy because she was friendly and apologetic with Toby like Rose was with Scoops. Writing this post, I began to think about how Chazz was in the episode where he was being a bad influence for TJ. Since I have Scoops being a villain in this au, why not do the same for Rose. In this au, Rose acts like a cool girl/bad influence which impresses TJ and he develops a silly crush on her (which then ends when Wordgirl gets him back to his senses). She has an outfit and attitude similar to Chazz’s, but adjusted for a girl. Rose in this au is called Roe. 

Chazz in this au is a laid back, but intelligent kid who uses focuses on environmental science. The “News Girl” episode is retitled “Science Boys” for this au. In this au, Chazz accidentally insults Tobey by saying building robots isn’t really a helpful science as it would make people too dependent on robots. (Tobey is immediately upset and ready to throw hands because NO ONE insults his robots. Becky holds him back before Tobey does something stupid). Chazz in this au is called Chad Hudson. He moved to Fair City with his mom who is the new Forewoman (idk what a female foreman is supposed to be called?) for the Power Plant. Wordgirl and Mouse Ace stop the energy monster from destroying the plant and giving Chazz’s mom more work. In this au, Becky takes Chad to natural places along with technical places to get him more comfortable with the city and to ease the issues between him and Tobey. (Tobey does make friends with him in the end.) Tobey during this tour gets upset when Chad creates environment experiments that are beneficial for the civilians and villains. Ex. he creates an organic, environmentally friendly, gel that is great for Chuck’s bread skin and helps the grocery store manager to grow more head hair which he talks to Chad about profiting in his store. Chad figures out Becky’s identity the same way Rose does because this guy is smart. He plans Becky’s exposure as a major science project because her identity and life is a great scientific study. Steven is doing work stuff when Becky calls him to help her fight the bad guys so Steven is not on the tour with them. Steven finds out about how Chad discovered her identity after Becky tells him. Steven, after Tobey, confronts Chad (Tobey’s talk is similar as Scoop’s talk to Rose) and he basically explains the importance of keeping Wordgirl’s identity secret (acting as an adult) and also sort of threatens Chad (Two Brains’ canon character is showing). Luckily Chad, at this point, had already decided to not reveal Wordgirl’s secret and do something else for his project.He is from now on scared of Becky’s dad. It also takes a while for Steven to fully trust him.

Everyone else is pretty much the same for this au. Steven and Becky are neighbors to the Botsfords, TJ is still a fan of Wordgirl with Johnson as his sidekick (I decided to not bother swapping them for the au), and Miss Powers is still an evil alien (I couldn’t find anyone for her or Colonel Gigglecheeks). I don’t have any ship ideas for Victoria or the rest of the characters in this au. Except for Tobecky.  

(Another thing I forgot to mention in my first post about Squeaky is that the mouse sometimes travels with Becky in her pocket. So he does come with her to school sometimes. He usually sticks with Steven in the lab. Squeaky is kidnapped as was Bob in the “Birthday Girl” episode and is put in a girly dress which he despises with every fiber in his being. He also escapes the “Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers” mind control and helps Becky because his body was too small for the button to stick on well.) 

So that is my Alliance Swap au for Wordgirl

[johannas-motivational-insults]

“Friendship” in the Horde

Season 4 raised some interesting questions about how people who grew up in the Horde define friendship. Kyle claimed that his squadmates were his friends, despite how we've seen them bully him, and Scorpia admitted she didn’t even know how to be a good friend. We also saw further developments in Catra and Lonnie’s dynamic that have some interesting implications about their bond, both past and present. However, while these themes became more explicit this season, they are hardly new. The Horde worldbuilding is really quite brilliant, as the writers have been laying the foundation for these revelations by showcasing certain patterns since season one.

This got a little lengthy on me, but there was a lot to consider. The lack of healthy emotional expression and relationship modelling is one obvious problem in the Horde, but the hostile environment has also led to some very specific power dynamics and social structures. These structures, while potentially helpful in hostile environments, are maladaptive in terms of fostering healthy relationships. Ultimately, every character who grew up in the Horde is emotionally crippled. (I’m not even going into Adora, an excellent example, because her repression and communication problems are well-documented and I wanted to focus on characters still in this environment.)

Scorpia

Let’s start with Scorpia. Her revelation that she doesn’t understand what friendship is was a big moment for her, but for those of us who have been watching closely, it’s no big surprise. Scorpia was so desperate for a meaningful connection that she latched onto the first person who showed any signs of considering her a friend, ignoring all the red flags indicating that the relationship was not healthy. Actually, she didn’t ignore them so much as not recognize them, because she didn’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like. To her, the fact that Catra invited her to her room and chose her to accompany her on a mission was enough for her to dub them the Superpal Duo.

Of course, we all know how that went for her. She continued to support Catra unconditionally despite the latter’s tendency to use Scorpia as her emotional punching bag. They did settle into a somewhat more reciprocal and caring relationship after Scorpia saved Catra against her orders during 2x05, proving that Catra was more important to her than the mission (even if that wasn’t what Catra thought she wanted). It’s sad when you think about it, because that was probably the first time Catra ever experienced her wellbeing being prioritized above all else.

Unfortunately, the revelation that Shadow Weaver had gone running back to Adora after betraying her triggered a trauma response and made her clam up again, lashing out at Scorpia and shutting her out even though she had done nothing to betray her trust. It took Catra blatantly attacking and insulting Scorpia when she failed to bring back Entrapta’s recordings (and some well timed reality checks from Emily) for Scorpia to realize that Catra was being a bad friend and she couldn’t win her over by being a good friend.

And actually, Scorpia’s confession in 4x10 that she “thought” she was being a good friend to Catra implies that she had since realized that she wasn’t actually being a good friend to Catra either. She knows the scorpions were a loyal people and she ascribes to that ideal, and she has so much love to give and always tries so hard to be positive, but not setting boundaries with people or demanding a measure of basic respect does nothing for them or you. Also, you can’t ignore the fact that Scorpia forced her affections on Catra, inserting herself into Catra’s life in a way that made her uncomfortable, and continued to ignore Catra’s attempts at setting boundaries with her (which is also very disrespectful). While Catra was certainly the aggressor, she was not the only one who failed in this partnership.

Let’s go back for a moment to Scorpia’s earliest indication that Catra might want to be her friend, when she confides in her and enlists her help coming up with and then executing a plan. Being chosen as Catra’s wingman seems to be important here, and perhaps she was wilfully ignoring how she was the only person who could make Catra’s plan work, but being confided in and trusted was huge to her. And since Horde soldiers are so used to being used, they don’t see it as a red flag. Catra actually flat out said Scorpia was the only person she could trust. How could a lonely gay not interpret that as a sign of being special to someone?

The squad

The importance of trust also becomes evident when considering the interactions among the main squad. Loyalty seems to be paramount in the Horde, not just the scorpion kingdom. Adora defecting to the Rebellion and leaving her squad behind was seen as a huge betrayal, and not just by Catra. Did anyone else want to cry when Lonnie struck back at Adora with “we were your friends” in 1x09? Lonnie was deeply hurt by Adora’s abandonment, feeding into her disillusionment with the Horde. Similarly, when Double Trouble revealed they had double-crossed Catra, her devastated reaction was not that her plans were ruined, but that they had betrayed her. That no doubt was also related to her previous betrayals, but also serves to highlight the importance of loyalty in their subculture.

While all the Horde characters were interesting to watch this season when it came to the themes of friendship, the arc was most pronounced in Lonnie. As I’ve mentioned previously, Scorpia had a short arc over one episode where her rosy worldview was destroyed, causing her to leave (much like Adora), while Lonnie was already a cynic who was aware of the Horde’s imperfections and had to go through more extreme hardships to detach from this unhappy but familiar environment (much like Catra, we hope).

Though she and the boys didn’t leave the Horde until the finale, her disillusionment was already evident in her first episode this season. After Catra berated them for something that wasn’t their fault and demanded they risk their lives to fix it (big Hordak energy), she had her first big revelation: “Catra doesn’t care about us, Adora left us. Everything they taught us in the Horde about loyalty is meaningless. It’s everyone for themselves.” In the next episode, she was frustrated by Scorpia’s naïve enthusiasm and trust in Catra, but it took a big blow up between her and Catra for her to finally decide she was done with her, done with the Horde in general.

Kyle represents a sort of middle ground between Lonnie and Scorpia in terms of outlook. He was not treated well in the Horde, but still believed in the ideals of loyalty and squad unity. He wanted to believe Catra had sent them out on a mission into the Whispering Woods because she trusted them and wanted it to be a team-building exercise. His take on it was: “She may be mean, but we’ve always had each other’s backs. Ever since we were kids.” He saw the squad as his family, including Catra (and previously Adora). It took Catra baring her claws and threatening to attack Lonnie outside of a battle sim for him to lose faith in her.

Bullying, the pecking order, and squad unity

As is clear by this point, the Horde defections this season were driven by Catra mistreating the others, but we can’t lose sight of how mistreatment is a fact of daily life in the Horde. And as I mentioned above with Lonnie, it’s those who were most aware of and desensitized to the mistreatment who had the hardest time naming it and leaving the toxic environment. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, call it the sunk cost fallacy, but either way once you’ve submitted to a system that dehumanizes you, it’s hard to admit that that system is wrong and leave it for a better life. Scorpia and Adora grew up somewhat privileged in the Horde in that they were destined for greatness, so they were never abused overtly and they had a level of protection from power-hungry cadets looking to claw their way to the top of the heap. They were already at the top and couldn’t be taken down, so they didn’t have to bully or be bullied.

The importance of pecking order is much more evident when considering people like Kyle, Catra, and Lonnie. Within their squad, Kyle is obviously the omega of the gang (get your heads out of the gutter, that is not what I mean), the one who gets blamed for everything that goes wrong and is constantly getting picked on. Lonnie shits on him, Catra shits on him, and even Rogelio gives him shit and goes along with the blame game. Despite all this, Kyle considers them his friends, his family.

This starts to make sense when you consider it in terms of intra vs. extra squad relations. Maybe the squad didn’t show Kyle any respect or treat him with kindness, but they did protect him in battle sims (sometimes lol) and rescue him from the spore storm. You also kind of get the impression that although they bullied him and asserted their dominance on the regs, they would protect him if other people tried to hurt him. You might say he’s the pet of the gang – he has no power within the structure and it may not be pleasant, but the structure still offers advantages. Having allies was still good for him even if he was at the bottom of the pecking order within the alliance.

Through a sociology lens, you might say the squad (and the Horde in general, given it’s a military society) follows the stereotypical male model of friend groups with clear pecking orders that everyone buys into (with exceptions for blatant power struggles), as opposed to the stereotypical female model that appears less hostile and more cooperative outwardly but involves a lot of underhanded infighting. (Obviously those are broad generalizations and it can be argued how much of it is nature vs. nurture, but they are observable patterns that boys and girls are socialized into in many human societies.) This ties in interestingly to @jaelav3​‘s observations about masculinity equating to strength and femininity equating to power in the Horde (a meta she really needs to write, because it’s brilliant). The hostility of the Horde forces soldiers into these rigid pecking orders in order to find protection in a dangerous place. When everyone knows and accepts their role, it is easier for the squad to function in a unified manner and protect each other, even if it’s at the cost of their mental and emotional health.

Now, when not everybody buys into the pecking order or it’s ambiguous, and/or if there’s a sudden power vacuum, that’s when things get interesting…

Catra and Lonnie, the perfect case study

Catra also suffered a lot of bullying and abuse in the Horde, but in a very different way than Kyle. She was in a unique and kind of contradictory position where she was somewhat protected by her close friendship with Adora, but she was also Shadow Weaver’s favourite chew toy and everyone knew it, which made her a target as well. If Shadow Weaver abused her, she wasn’t going to care if the other cadets abused her as well. Catra’s defensive body language and general distrustfulness and hostility gives the impression that she was bullied behind Adora’s back and Shadow Weaver turned a blind eye, perhaps even encouraged it.

This was all illustrated in 1x03, when Catra and Lonnie butted heads and Catra was forced to back down when two other cadets backed up Lonnie, then Lonnie told her to watch it because Adora wasn’t around to protect her anymore. That one line alone told so much of their story. This was also one of the few times we saw cadets using people from other squads to affect their own squad’s dynamics, as – like I said – that seems to be kept mostly in-house. It may have had something to do with Lonnie’s overall standing among the cadets or how Kyle and Rogelio rank lower in their little hierarchy and seem uninterested in getting involved with the power politics, but I digress.

The argument itself was meaningless, really - the whole thing was a pissing contest, an attempt to assert dominance within their squad’s sudden power vacuum. Lonnie fancied herself the new leader of the squad, and she ended up getting her wish in a backwards way when Catra was promoted out of the squad and given official power over her. Catra, of course, took every opportunity to rub this in Lonnie’s face, perpetuating the cycle of abuse she’d fallen victim to.

The reason they had a power struggle in the first place wasn’t just because Adora left, it was because their pecking order was previously unclear. Catra wasn’t very cooperative and tended to go rogue, so she didn’t slot nicely into the power structure. She was also perceived as lazy, as she had adopted an air of nonchalance once she realized she’d never get the recognition or praise so easily heaped on Adora. (Why try when failing hurts so much?) That being said, she was Adora’s best friend and basically her sidekick, so in a way that made her second-in-command of the squad.

On the other hand, Lonnie was devoted to the squad and was always around to provide tangible support, so she was also kind of Adora’s second-in-command. Combined with her harder work ethic, this also gave her a very legitimate claim to the throne. She was obviously pissed when her teammate she saw as a lazy asshat got promoted, but to her credit she lived up to her own personal ethics, buying in and not pushing back against Catra’s authority until late in season 4.

Despite the power struggle, however, Catra and Lonnie do seem to have a bond. Even if they don’t like each other, they have a certain level of trust in each other. When the princesses invaded the Fright Zone in 3x04 and shit started to go sideways, the first person Catra was looking for to try to get support and/or answers was Lonnie. Then in 4x10 when she was starting to lose her mind amid a lack of sleep and Scorpia’s defection, she pulled Lonnie aside and demanded to know what was going on among the soldiers, what they thought of her.

This was an incredibly interesting scene with some deep implications. Because while it was on one hand an expression of trust in Lonnie, it was also an acknowledgement that Lonnie was one of her bullies and held clout among the people who have demeaned and abused her in the past. It also showed that Catra still has social anxiety and her sense of social power (as opposed to power in terms of rank) is very fragile, which is extremely characteristic of a bullying victim. Also, the fact that Catra said, “Just leave. Like everybody else.” implied that Lonnie leaving would hurt her emotionally, which is rather illuminating.

As for Lonnie, her loyalty meant she bought into the system and expected to Catra to do her job running the place, taking care of the Horde. And Catra certainly succeeded early on, taking territory and increasing productivity. In return, Lonnie was a loyal and obedient soldier, even if she never hesitated to give Catra a bit of attitude. But she became frustrated in season 4 when Catra went on her sunk cost fallacy spiral and ended up making things worse for everyone else as well as herself. This failure was a huge betrayal to Lonnie, and it’s important to note that she wouldn’t feel betrayed or disappointed if she had expected nothing of Catra in the first place. It’s one thing to be kind of a dick about your superior rank, another entirely to endanger your squad/friends (or anyone you are responsible for, really) and run them into the ground as a remedy for your own anxiety.

The breaking point of course was the scene in the locker room in 4x12, when a lonely Catra tried to be “friends” with the squad again and was briefly successful in mending fences a little until she snapped at Kyle and then at Lonnie, calling them pathetic. This prompted Lonnie to shove her, which in turn made Catra bare her claws and rush Lonnie. There was really no coming back from that, even though Kyle intervened before anyone got hurt.

As an aside, Kyle stepping up in this scene was amazing - this season in general was everything I wanted for him. And it’s important that it was him who intervened, because he was really the only one who could ask Catra, “We used to be your friends, why are you treating us like this?” It makes perfect sense for Catra to push back at Lonnie given their history, but Kyle doesn’t have a history of bullying Catra (quite the opposite). And wow, it had an impact on Catra. You could just see the confusion and regret on her face before she brings back the façade of anger and kicks them out.

When the squad left the Horde, Lonnie said that they were done protecting Catra. This assertion is interesting, given their checkered past – since when was anyone protecting Catra? Lonnie bullied her, and none of them protected Catra from Shadow Weaver, not even Adora (though bless her heart, she tried). But this does make some sense when you consider how much of the idea of friendship is based on loyalty, and how important that adherence to the structure is for protection. In Lonnie’s mind, even if Catra was now their commander, they were still a unit in a way. And she saw standing by and obeying Catra to be a form of protection, helping her stay respected and carry out her plans. Lonnie is a good support person, and by removing her support, she was in a way removing her protection as well.

(After the series is over I might just go all out and do a huge-ass meta about Catra and Lonnie through the seasons. I am absolutely fascinated by this relationship, if you can’t tell.)

Allyship

Overall, you can’t help but get the impression that the Horde’s version of friendship is more akin to allyship. It’s protection, unity, loyalty. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t get emotionally attached, it’s more that how you feel about someone is less important than what that relationship can do for you. That’s why Scorpia doesn’t even understand what friendship is. That’s why Catra tolerates “friends” who annoy her, because they’re useful to her (not that she doesn’t get attached in time, but that’s not why she tolerates them in the first place).

Catra’s one of the few people in the Horde who has experienced real friendship, as her bond with Adora was much more emotional than practical (even if it was both). And that explains why she eventually lashed out at Scorpia and said they were not friends when clearly they were by the Horde’s definition. Her and Adora really had taken the friends thing to a different level, and she was missing that dearly.

It will be interesting to watch the interactions between the Horde characters when they are thrown back together in new circumstances, out of the Horde’s rigid power structure. Honestly, the redefining of these alliances and friendships is one of the things I am most looking forward to in the final season.

[miekasa]

do you actually like eren, though? as a charater, despite all the things he's done? i love him in modern aus but not so much in the actual show

I do askdhbff. I don’t know specifics about what he’s done as it pertains to s4 and the manga, because I haven’t seen any of it, but I’ve heard a general gist. For me, the thing with Eren, and characters like him, is that I find it kind of hard to blame them for being generally angry and feeling like everything is unfair and lashing out because of that when they are quite literally products of their environment. 

It gets very complicated when you consider things like morals and truly what’s right and wrong--and how there are other characters in the same environment that don’t end up as “bad”; but, I don’t know, when a character, especially a kid, is fed lies by their government and the system that raised them, and then eventually they realize how fucked up it and want to tear it down... I mean... they’re not really wrong for that LMAOOO I would do it too for a check. 

His character arc is very different, but I always think about Naruto, and I always tell people that if he ended up the “villain” like Sasuke, I wouldn’t be mad at him. In theory, Naruto should have wanted to destroy the Leaf for everything they did to him and hid from him. And as much as I think that Sasuke is a little bitch when it comes down to it, part of me can’t blame him for the hate and anger he had. 

You can argue that revenge or mindless displays of power that hurt people you care about are hollow and don’t really fulfill a person’s true desire, or heal them from their pain. But like I said, it’s complicated, and I think that some people do just want revenge in the end and maybe that is all they need. At the end of the day I might not like it or always agree with it, but you can’t treat a child like a monster, then be scared of him when he comes back to destroy the home that never took him in. 

[phoenix-king-ozai]

Character Analyst of Ozai by Villains Wiki

"After all these years, I can finally see you, Ozai. You're just a small, small man trying with all your might to be big. Your heart is so small, you've no room for your son, or your daughter, or your brother... or even yourself. Goodbye, Ozai.„~ Ursa confronts Ozai about his true nature after she had enough of his tyranny.

“I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. (*Stands up and looks outside the cave*) There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.„~ Zuko describes his relationship with his father, Ozai, to Aang in comparison to his father's relationship with his sister, Azula, though Aang did not hear him.

Ozai was tyrannical, cruel, manipulative, sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, duplicitous, harsh-tempered, arrogant, vengeful, greedy, domineering and insatiably power-hungry. He exhibited these traits from an early age, and Iroh noted that they stemmed from a deep-seated pathological psychology. According to him, Ozai lacked empathy, was "not the understanding type", and did never regret, forgive, or change his mind about anything. Believing morality to be a sign of weakness, Ozai found peace and kindness laughable concepts and despised those who followed moral principles. As such, he possessed little to no empathy and rarely showed any interest in the feelings of others.

This behavior was strongly influenced by his obsession with control and in order to achieve total control over the Fire Nation, Ozai was even willing to sacrifice his own family. When ordered by Azulon to kill Zuko so that he would know the pain of losing a son, Ozai admitted to Zuko that he would have gladly carried out the murder had Ursa not interfered. Eventually, he murdered his own father in order to usurp his brother's birthright and become Fire Lord. Similarly, he did not hesitate to sacrifice his subordinates if that meant he would obtain more power. As a result, Ozai supported the idea of sacrificing new recruits to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion so he could get closer to controlling Ba Sing Se. Likewise, he decided to use the power of Sozin's Comet to destroy the Earth Kingdom without standing still with the human loss that would mean. Despite that, Ozai did believe that a Fire Lord's duty was to protect his people, though he reasoned that was because they were extensions of his divine will as Fire Lord; by attacking them, an opponent attacked him. The ultimate expression of his obsession with control was his aspiration in life to conquer the entire world.

Nevertheless, in his younger years, Ozai showed limited care and compassion for his own family. Despite their strained relationship, Ozai and Iroh were closer while they were still in school, though the latter distanced himself from his brother when he realized that he had a "heart of ice". When Ursa begged him to spare her former lover, Ozai complied to the request after being called "my love" by his future wife. When he planned to cast his infant son from the palace, Ozai gave in after Ursa and the Fire Sages pleaded with him to give Zuko a chance. Ozai believed that he attempted to be a good father in his early years, a view shared by both Zuko and Azula. However, his pride, anger, and lust for power degraded his relationship with his family. He believed skill and accomplishment determined worth, which allowed the naturally cruel, cunning and talented Azula to rise to the position of his favorite child, while he ignored or psychologically abused Zuko. He had no qualms about making Zuko's life miserable just to get back at Ursa for snapping at him that she wished that Zuko was Ikem's son, rather than his. While his relationship with Zuko had always been tense, thenceforth Ozai began to torture Zuko with his perceived inferiority, saying that Azula was "born lucky", while he was "lucky to be born". After his wife's banishment, he continued to be psychologically abusive toward both of his children and physically abusive toward his son. When Zuko was thirteen, Ozai burned his face and banished him from his country, simply because Zuko spoke out of turn during a war meeting, an action for which he never showed any remorse and merely claimed it to have been a lesson in respect. He only acknowledged Zuko when he helped his sister conquer Ba Sing Se and when he "killed" the Avatar. Eventually, Ozai attempted to kill Zuko when the latter announced his intent to join the Avatar, thereby defying his father. On the other hand, Ozai raised Azula to become his future heir, expecting nothing less than the best from her, which placed a great amount of stress on her and forced her to become a perfectionist. Ultimately, it was the environment in which Ozai raised Azula, where fear, intelligence, tyranny, destruction, power and perfection were the only reliable truths, that set the groundwork for her total mental collapse.

However, despite his behavior toward his children, Ozai appeared to be remarkably forgiving of failure for certain people, such as War Minister Qin and Zhao, who retained their positions and, in Zhao's case, was repeatedly promoted, despite repeated failures and bungles. Nonetheless, he saw his subordinates as expendable and replaceable, having no tolerance for those who failed to impress him, such as Kunyo or Vachir.

By the time Ozai crowned himself Phoenix King, he began to exhibit extreme megalomania, claiming to own the Earth and to "have all the power in the world".

"Do you think being Fire Lord is easy?! The throne comes with many pressures, and those pressures will change you! But if you can stand the heat, you'll become something more. Of all the people in the world, I have the wisdom you need, the wisdom of experience! Be honest with yourself, Zuko – Do you really believe you can handle it all on your own?"―Ozai questions Zuko about the challenges of being Fire Lord.

After being stripped of both his bending and his throne, Ozai apparently still retained his domineering personality, as he casually lectured Fire Lord Zuko when he came to visit Ozai in jail. However, he would develop a calmer, more logical attitude toward life as he thought that Aang's belief of maintaining the four separate nations would only halt progress. This is apparently true as Yu Dao, a city that combined the effort from citizens of both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, grew from a small village to a very developed area. As Zuko sought out Ozai for advice, through their discussions, it was revealed that Ozai believed that good and evil, and even strength and weakness, were meaningless concepts. He believed that the only right and wrong were what he, or more accurately, the Fire Lord, decided, due to his divine right to rule. Any choice he made was the right one, simply by virtue of it being his choice, and that indecisiveness and attempts to guide oneself by moral principles were signs of weakness, traits he despised in Zuko.

Ozai | Villains Wiki | Fandom

[veryvincible]

Hey! 👋🏼 I was looking at Tonys panel with Carol and his AA panels. It got me thinking how can a person like Tony .. who is an atheist, a believer of science and a confident engineer rely on AA which has a religious foundation (the 12 steps) and place so power on God. I know secular AA have different takes on it and encourage a personal definition of God as any higher power the person may choose. But doesn’t that defeat Tonys belief? Because I don’t think he believes in a higher power regardless if it’s a deity or not.

This is a wonderful question. There’s a lot of nuance to the answer, in my opinion, because I think there are some things called into question here that Tony (very realistically) treats with a lot of complexity.

Firstly, Tony’s atheism is kind of... I don’t want to say it’s up in the air, because at this point, I think it’s kind of made its place in canon and fanon both. But, most likely as a result of the times in which he was created, he has been shown in canon (at least in the early stages of his life) to follow some sort of organized religion. This is from Iron Man Vol. 1 #164, and it’s... not strong evidence for him being a spiritual man, as most people who call themselves “not that religious” tend to be religious by way of traditions, but. You know. It is what it is.

Of course, we could dismiss this as yet another thing that early canon imposed on a character who wouldn’t be like that at this point in time, but I think it brings up interesting beats in the way Tony’s character has progressed over the years.

Considering him as someone who may have been raised as traditionally religious makes sense in the context of defining events, as well, given that we watch him pray the Lord’s prayer in #14 of Iron Man Vol. 4, one of his Civil War tie-ins.

Given the proximity to the alcohol (and the point he’s at in the timeline, here), one could also easily assume that even if he had no religious background, the very presence of the Lord’s prayer in AA meetings could have formed a connection in his head between this “worship” and sobriety-- at the very least, enough of one that the prayer strengthens the effectiveness of his willpower. It seems the little push he needs to pour a drink down the drain is borderline Pavlovian.

There’s actually a lot of religious imagery in Tony comics in general. He’s a man with a suit facing conundrums of cosmic proportions. It’s difficult for him to keep rationale exclusively within the range of earthly probabilities.

Point is, his atheism doesn’t come from his disbelief in a higher power. It’s quite the contrary, actually. His atheism comes from a belief that there’s no single entity that could claim the title of God, that any being willing to try has, just by being, already forfeited the title.

Which is a fair assessment to make, given that he’s fought many people claiming to be Gods, and they’ve all bled. He’s also watched people worship Gods that turned out to not... really be Gods, whether they were otherworldly beings, his buddy Thor, or, uh, himself. The idea of him, at least. In space.

Because of course that happened.

But Tony actually does have a higher power to give himself up to in these meetings. In Civil War II #1, he very explicitly states it:

“I respect the future. I believe in the future. I worship at its feet.”

“The Future” to him is something he can affect, certainly, but he’s aware of just how massive it is, just how massive all of time is compared to the few decades he’ll spend on earth. This is his higher power, his cosmic deity of choice.

It can’t bleed. It can’t falter. It’s inevitable.

And this mindset is... pretty in line with everything else he’s done. He’s referred to himself as a “necessary monster.” He’s implied many times over that he thinks he’s rotten and potentially dangerous, but he’s also intelligent and capable and he wants to do the right thing, even if he doesn’t always know what that is. 

If you’ve ever been in a religious environment, you’ll probably recognize his mindset going into any problem: there’s always a solution, always information he’s missing, always a “right choice” he’s looking for with a domino effect that’ll be as favorable as possible for future generations. He trusts in the future the way people trust in God, with an awareness that he’ll never have all the pieces to make sense of everything, but he can have enough information to act. And he must act, or else his worth, his right to be alive, even, is at stake.

So, needless to say, he’s not praying to a mainstream God. But religious imagery isn’t and has never been off-putting to him, and though he certainly could seek out unreligious (is that a word?) alternatives to AA, I find it hard to believe that he would, given just how influential his higher power of choice is as it guides him through life. He puts everything at stake for it, going so far as to make choices that will destroy not only himself, but also his relationships with his loved ones if it means he’s doing what he perceives to be the right thing.

Secondly, even if he were a man who had no belief in any form of higher power, not even a stand-in for it, AA still might not be something he’d discard in favor of an alternative.

Religion serves as a guide. Most often, it has “do”s and “do not”s, certain beliefs it supports, and a kind of... basic explanation of what human life is and how it should be treated. One of the more common threads among most religions that I’m aware of (I am not an expert in religious studies; please don’t @ me) is the idea that human life is generally sacred, and as such, people should treat each other with respect. Yes, some texts can contradict this, but the general rule is “be nice to each other!” when you really look at the basics of what people are trying to teach. At its core, religion is linked to what we as humans already tend to for the sake of survival: compassion.

As such, though we might not always identify with religion as a concept, it’s not difficult to identify with some religious morals and teachings. Some people take to certain teachings better than others-- it’s super case-by-case-- but if you’re stuck in a religious environment listening to some preaching or anything, there’s probably going to be something you can relate to, and some way you can morph and adopt the message. This isn’t, like, all-encompassing, by the way. Of course there are some things that atheists and religious folk will never be able to relate to within each other, but.

You get what I mean.

I’m an atheist myself. I spent a chunk of my schooling at a religious institution. At best, there were messages that affected me deeply (as they were hard-hitting even when I stripped them of the God-worshipping aspects). At worst, I had to grit my teeth through some assignments, though I felt mostly indifferent (if slightly resentful at times, more out of frustration with the closed-mindedness of the administration than with the concept of religion itself). My experience isn’t universal, of course-- some people in my shoes were more frustrated and angry than I was, and I can see why. But my point is, being an atheist in and of itself (even one as strict as Tony) doesn’t render religious imagery useless.

For example, if you happen to pass by a pastor preaching about struggles with guilt, you might not identify with the sentiment of “Give your worries to God and know He’ll take care of you.” However, you could identify with the sentiment of, “Those little things, those side effects of decisions you’ve made? They’re here. Those decisions have been made. You’re allowed to swallow past the reality of what it is that’s passed and move on. You’re allowed to let go of it, so long as you’re better today than you were yesterday.”

It’s especially easy to do this if you’re listening to or being exposed to content from a religion you’re already familiar with; in Tony’s case, if we assume he was a Christian at one point or was raised with Christian ideals (not unbelievable in the slightest, given his circumstances and upbringing), then he wouldn’t have to do a lot of heavy lifting in order to get to “core messages” of certain Christian teachings that he could still identify with. Couple that with the higher power mentioned before, and... it’s not hard to see what might be appealing to him about AA, and it’s not hard to see why it was so effective at sticking in his mind all the way through his darkest periods in life.

Now comes the less healthy part.

There’s also an aspect of self-flagellation to it that I feel Tony might identify with on a deeper level. We’ve seen him hate himself openly, and we know how he regards himself. Even if he managed to find himself in a courthouse-like environment where the religious undertones were more about judgment than recovery, I don’t know that that would necessarily... push him away? He’s already told himself there’s something rotting and evil at his core many times over. He’s already committed himself to a lifestyle of atonement and progress, punishing himself when he fails to accomplish things no human reasonably could and barely praising himself when he doesn’t fail. Do I think these kinds of meetings would be totally sustainable for him, given that he clearly needs to feel pride or relief on some level for conquering his demons? No, not really, but. I don’t think he’d abandon them straight away.

Besides, every healing environment he’s been shown in has been more on the welcoming, open side, even if we only get to see a bare bones interpretation of AA (with deeper exploration happening more with Tony’s response to it, or his and Carol’s responses to each other) in canon. He’s in a good place with it, and it’s very nice to see.

Tl;dr: Again, great question. At the end of the day, I think the combination of self-loathing, his desire for progress, and his conceptualization of “the future” as his higher power makes AA a good fit for him despite his lack of a belief in "God” as an entity.

[snowdice]

Goblin Brain Study Session Fic 1 [Day 58]

Because I don’t want to just have walls of text for my Goblin Brain Study Session posts, I’m separating them by days. If you want to read the previous chapters, click the links below. Chapter 23 and what’s done of chapter 24 is under the cut.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 My Master Post

See this post for more details and feel free to send me asks to keep me going! It’s been a lot of fun so far! I will reblog this post with the story as I write them today. Also, if you’re interesting, don’t forget that I am constantly updating the timeline as I write. :)

Okay, I’m still not feeling 100%, but lets see how much I can do today. :)

Chapter 23

“Would anyone care to explain themselves?” Logan asked the room filled with the most frustrating human being he’d ever met. He must have infused his voice with the desired amount of ire, because everyone in the room seemed to wince simultaneously except…

“No thanks!” Remus chirped. Logan shot him a tired look and stepped forward. “Wait! Dad! No!” Logan swiftly put him in a headlock.

“We’re going downstairs,” he told the others. His son was a bit wiggly when Logan started to pull him towards the elevator in the other room, but he didn’t actually put up much of a fight.

 He let Remus go when they got to the elevator. The elevator was small enough that they ended up taking it in two groups. Logan ended up in an elevator with Lena, his sons, and his brother.

There were a couple of moments of awkward elevator music. “I am very displeased with everyone in this elevator.”

No one responded but Patton who patted him on the shoulder. Logan turned on him. “You are at the pinnacle of my ire.”

There was a few seconds of drawn out silence, and then Patton removed his hand. “Wow,” he said after a moment. “You could hear a pen-acle drop.”

 “Kids, you no longer have an uncle,” Logan said coolly.

“That’s right,” Patton said with a smile despite the glare Logan was sending him. “You only have a puncle now.”

Roman snorted out a laugh but looked quickly away when Logan glared at him.

The elevator came to a stop and they climbed out of it. “You all go to the conference room while I wait for the rest. Except you,” he pointed at Lean. “Fred can debrief me. You go get that checked out.” She shot him a thumbs up (because apparently the lack of disrespect for his authority had rubbed off on her) and wandered off towards medical.

 “Um,” Roman said tentatively.

“Yes?” Logan asked, already even more tired.

“Also, Janus may or may not have a broken rib. At least he said he might have.”

“Why on Earth is he walking around, then?” Roman just shrugged in response to Logan’s question.

“And send someone down to look at his Janus,” he called after Lena right before she turned the corner. “Anything else pressing?” he asked the three still with him. “No? Then I’ll see you all in the conference room in a few minutes.”

“Conference room 16 or 17?” Remus asked.

“Remus, everyone here is aware that room 17 is a broom closet,” Logan said.

Remus sent him finger guns. “Conference room 17 it is,” he said turning to strut off down the hall. Roman shot Logan an awkward half smile before following after his brother, and Logan’s own brother jerked forward to smack his lips against Logan’s forehead before waltzing off after them.

Why was his family like this?

 He turned to wait for the elevator to go back up to the factory and down again. He crossed his arms as it arrived. “You’re injured?” Logan asked as the doors opened.

Most of the occupants looked confused, but Janus looked slightly annoyed. “Remus,” he muttered.

“Roman actually,” Logan corrected. “I’m having someone sent down to look at you.”

“I’m f-”

“Don’t even try to argue right now; your second on my list today.”

“Remus is first?” Janus asked.

“Of course, Remus is first.”

“Where am I on the shit list?” Remy asked with interest.

“Somehow, only 5th.”

“Score!”

“But you’re inexorably moving up.”

 “But I’m not in the top three.”

“No, my children and brother fill up the spots above you.”

“You said I was second,” Janus said with a frown.

“Yes,” Logan said. “Also, you’re grounded.” Then, he turned to walk towards the conference room.

“Wait, Logan, what does that mean?!” Janus asked his back.

“It means, Logan owes me a buttload of child support,” said Remy.

“I am not your kid. You are not my dad.”

“Sure, son.”

When Logan made it to the correct room, his family was already hard at work making his life a series of aggravations. Before even stepping into the room, he turned to the opposite side of the hallway and opened the door to the supply closet.

 “Get in the correct room before I make you get into the correct room,” Logan said.

“Come on dad, you know it’s not nice to force someone out of the closet.” On most days, Logan would not have found that at all funny, but today for some reason, it elicited a snort of surprised laughter. Remus smiled up at him from his seat on the floor like he always did when he’d done (or thought he’d done) something clever.

“Don’t,” Logan warned, wagging a finger at him. “Don’t. That doesn’t mean your forgiven. I am very, very unhappy with you.”

 Remus just kept grinning.

“I’m relieved that you are safe and happy to have you back with me,” Logan said, “but I am also very angry.”

“Eh, that’s fair.”

“Now get out of the closet.”

Remus found it fit to obey him for the moment, and stood, following him to the conference room where the others had gathered. Patton had somehow found a stack of name tags and a box of markers somewhere and had managed to convince Roman to help him draw little pictures on them along with the names. Patton stuck one with a broom drawn on it onto Remus when he came in.

 Remy and Fredrick were currently forcing Janus into a chair while Roman avoided the glare the injured man was sending at him, and Emile was talking quietly to Virgil.

“Okay,” Logan said. “Let’s start with the ones who haven’t started to explain yet. Roman?”

“My phone got broken probably somewhere between Janus tackling me and hitting me in the face.”

“Oh, is that why Dad texted me about where you were a thousand times?” Remus asked

“Yes,” Logan said, “and you said you didn’t know.”

“I didn’t say that actually.”

“Remus.”

“I was in the middle of something! …And then I forgot.”

 “And then it ended up in the bottom of a lake,” Roman said.

“And then it ended up in the bottom of a lake!” Remus agreed. “Along with Roman’s car and us for a minute.”

“You drove your car into a lake?” Logan asked Roman. “Is that why you are all wet?!”

“Yes, he did!” Remus said.

“Hey! No!” Roman said. “I managed to stop the car before it went into the lake. It’s not my fault the guys behind us aren’t as good drivers as me and slammed into us!”

“Roman destroyed another car!” Remus crooned. “What’s that? Three? And you say Janus is cursed!”

 “I take so responsibility for the Taurus or for this one!”

“Two’s a coincidence; three’s a pattern!” Remus sang joyfully.

Logan shook his head at them and chose to look over at Janus instead. “And you?” he asked. “You looked at your mission details and never responded.”

“You were trying to send me on a wild goose chase when my brother was missing!” He tried to stand up and Remy pushed him back down again.

“I was trying to get you in a controlled environment before telling you of the issues for fear you would overreact and do something careless if you found out on your own.”

 “I already knew,” Janus growled, “and that is not your call to make.”

Logan considered that. “Perhaps it wasn’t,” he agreed, “but you still should have attempted to communicate with me, at the very least so I would have known you were okay. For all I knew, Nelson had caught you in a lie and your cover had been blown.”

“It is blown,” Janus muttered. “I smashed her phone, blew up her car, and disobeyed her. She sent men to kill me.”

It was honestly a relief. Janus had been in danger constantly while being a double agent and he’d grown more than fond of the man in the last few years. Not having to play nice with Barbara all the time would do him some good.

“We’ll have to reassign you,” Logan said. “As well as Remus, and you’ll both need new permanent residences.”

“We already decided we’re getting an apartment together,” Remus said.

“You decided,” Janus said weakly, clearly not actually interested in protesting, but needing to keep up appearances.

“And we’re going to get a kitty.”

“Ah,” Logan said. “Well, in that case, I would highly suggest you verify it is in fact a ‘kitty’ before you allow it on the premises. I have made that mistake before.”

“You love Raphael,” Remus claimed.

“Possum,” Roman explained at Janus’s questioning look.

“In fact,” Logan said. “It may be advisable that Remington consider moving as well. Nelson very much knows where you live and will likely be unhappy with your continued existence. At least, you should consider taking up residence somewhere else temporarily. For tonight, I’ll get everyone set up in some of the rooms in the base, but that will come later. For now, we need to get everything sorted out. I have a good overall idea about what happened at this point, is there any other important information I need to deal with immediately?”

Mostly everyone shook their heads and Logan was about to move on to getting more detailed reports when Remus raised his hand.

“Yes?” Logan asked.

“There are two of Barbara Nelson’s men tied up in the trunk of Lena’s car,” he offered.

“What?” Logan asked.

“They were the guys shooting at us that caused Roman to drive into the pond.”

“I did not drive into the pond.” Roman said.

“You were shot at?!”

  Chapter 24

Logan had kept them in the meeting room for literal hours, pausing only to feed everyone except Patton and Virgil (who had actually eaten dinner). Eventually, he decided that he was satisfied with the explanations (Well, no, perhaps not satisfied, he was still very displeased with everyone except Virgil and maybe Emile, though Emile had not helped himself when he’d realized that he’d spoken both to Patton and Remus in the grocery store near Remy’s house and he and Patton had proceeded to go off on a tangent about pasta.) and had taken them all to some of the hotel style rooms in the base.

[linkspooky]

Hi, I’m Link and it’s time to talk about my terrible / horrible / amazing taste in men. If you are a bastard who is planning to destroy the world because of your unresolved trauma, please call me. Kiss kiss.

Also I’m tagging @thyandrawrites​ and @inumaqi​ who by law have to do this with me. 

Shigaraki Tomura - MY HERO ACADEMIA

“What I really despise is everything. Everything that breathes pisses me off.”

I like how Shigaraki is severely mentally ill. He’s one of the most raw portrayals of an abuse victim.  He murders his abusive father, and the story takes his side. He develops violent tendencies, he refuses to grow up, he can’t forgive. He’s just holding all of his negative feelings inside of him as he slowly rots inside out, and that’s just great.

Shigaraki is so shaped and moulded by his abuse, but he still chooses who he wants to be. He was literally raised in a basement to be a carbon copy of AFO, and yet he’s so different from AFO it’s obvious he could never live up to his Sensei. He’s too bad of a person to ever be a hero, but he’s also too good of a person to ever be the king of evil and what you get is this really chaotic mess in between.

It’s interested to see who Shigaraki chooses to be, in spite of how much he has been indoctrinated towards a cause and how many choices are taken away from him. Despite being a character with supposedly little agency you can see he always tries to fight for his own agency. Don’t deny me. He can’t be with his family even though he loves them, because they’ll never accept him for who he is. Tenko was a kind boy who played with the bullied kids. Shigaraki fights for the people who would never be saved by hero society because he wasn’t saved. He gives them what he doesn’t have, freedom and a place to belong. It’s an interesting character to see how much of him has become the unpredictable ball of trauma that Shigaraki is, while the core of him Tenko still remains in his humanizing moments of how he interacts with the league. Shigaraki who has so many choices taken from him, chooses to reach out and sympathize with the feelings of others, especially those who have been ostracized the same way he has.

Shigaraki is introduced to us as an inhuman  monster, and we see him slowly work his way back from the edge. We see him regain his humanity by coming to care about the people under his wing. It gives you the message that there’s no such thing as a point of no return.

All of the heroes are good people in mha but that feels more like an informed character trait. We’re supposed to root for them because… they’re the heroes, they’re good. They have to look good because they’re the good guys. Shigaraki is allowed to be ugly and unlikable, he gets worse.  But then he still always chooses to fight for ugly victims like him. I like both sides of him, I like the volatile explosive bomb that just wants to blow up and destroy others, and the gentle way he interacts with the rest of the league.

Kumagawa Misogi - MEDAKA BOX

“I want to beat them. Even though I’m not cool, or strong, or just, or beautiful, or cute, or pretty, I want to beat the cool strong just beautiful cute and pretty people.”

Kumagawa is aggressively mediocre. He’s a good for nothing.  He’s like the embodiment of a bad victim,  he blames everyone else, he lashes out. He has nothing but flaws but he still strives to be better than what he is. That’s what so inspiring about his character. Even if you’re miserable it doesn’t mean you have to be having a miserable time about it. Kumagawa will push back against anything, even if the whole world is pushing down on his shoulders.

He has a vibe with his character that even if you’re the worst person in the world don’t run away from who you are. You have to accept yourself exactly as you are without lies or artifice before you can start to improve.  That’s why kumagawa tries to accept the ugliness of people.

He’s very sympathetic with other people, but that isn’t there to make him look like a good person. If anything he always sympathizes with the victim too much and encourages their worst qualities.  At the beginning of the series hes so desperate to heal the wounds of these traumatized, people he’s taken in he just encourages them to lash out because that’s something. Kumagawa is just this very nihilistic, and fatalist character who is somehow at the same time one of the most optimistic characters ever written. He’s a lazy good for nothing, but he tries hard. He’s fickle and childish, but he never gives up. He might never get better, he might always lose in the end, but he still thinks the struggle to win is always inherently worth it. He gives all of himself in everything he does, and to the people around him. And he always gets hurt because of it, but that pain is just living.

He’s completely insane but he’s also living his life the best way he can. There’s just such a manic, insane, and positive energy to his character. Kumagawa will accept you at your worst, and yet he’ll still encourage you to be better. I also like characters written to represent the ugliness in people, and striving to find beauty in that ugliness rather than characters who are just happy all the time because they’re good people.

Natsuki Subaru - RE ZERO

“You think I’m getting drunk on my own tragedy just so I can shut everyone up?”

like how Subaru is a shitty person but not in a really interesting way,  but in a really petty, self absorbed and weak way. I like it because the world doesn’t tolerate his bs, he is continually punished and kicked in the teeth for it. He doesn’t have a tragic backstory before the story begins. His tragic backstory is that he did nothing, made nothing of his life, but he still feels entitled and expects to be rewarded. There’s nothing special about him, but he wants to be treated like he’s special.

I’m usually protagonist-phobic because most stories center around the main character so a lot of the time the world bends to their whims in unnatural ways. Subaru is the main character, but hes not the protagonist, and not even particularly important which is why he’s valid.

Subaru is continually  punished for his mistakes and I love the way we see how trauma changes him and shapes him.  His narrative  reads to me as a metaphor for a mentally ill person with the absolute worst habits constantly struggling to be better despite constant backtracking. That’s why with the constant resets in his narrative, none of his actions ever seem to matter. Even when he makes progress he loses it just as quickly, and the world seems indifferent to his suffering. Because the stroy isn’t actually about the world, it’s about Subaru’s personal journey to learn to be a less shitty person.

Subaru is confronted with the fact that hes a very self important and entitled person and he chooses to grow from that rather than run away. He’s so self aware by this point he knows hes the most annoying human on earth and he owns it.

Doma - KIMETSU NO YAIBA

“From a young age I was kind and clever. I always helped people and made them happy, because that was my mission.”

Doma’s story is hard to empathize with because it doesn’t really look tragic. It’s more like a comedy. He’s smiling the whole way through.

Doma feels like an inhuman monster and he chooses to act that way. Literally everything in this story just tells you he was basically born that way. Doma tells you himself. But like, if you look into his background he was raised in a literal cult. Doma despises the cult, because he could see through it. He could see the adults were using him even as a child. But at the same time Doma’s heart has never really left the cult either. Doma, like everybody else, unintentionally reflects the environment he grew up in.

Doma’s just never been shown real tears or a real smile, so he doesn’t know it. He sees his parents kill each other in front of them, and feels nothing, because they literally never acted like parents to him once. He sees life as empty because to him, it is. And then.

By the time he encounters the real thing it’s too late for him. I just like this part of Doma that’s like, emptily trying to imitate all the other humans around him, and feel the things they feel, and always falling short because of his jacked up sense of empathy. It’s adorable.   Doma doesn’t feel human at all. He couldn’t possibly understand what a normal human being feels because he’s never lived that life. He’s a total human failure. Rather than try to be something he feels like he’s not, he decides to embrace his inhumanity.

Iichan - ZAREGOTO

“Nonsense.”

Iichan is a character who doesn’t want to choose, but wants to be chosen regardless. In other words Iichan has a paradoxical way of thinking about his life. He’s not the main character. He’s not important. So therefore, whatever happens around him he’s not at fault. However, he is the centerpiece of a tragedy. He’s still important in the sense that all of this tragic suffering is being unleashed upon him. Being the main character of the tragedy means his suffering is important and meaningful, but none of it is ever his fault, and he can’t help it.

That way he avoids ever having to take responsiblity for his actions, or do the hard work of trying to change as a person. He’s a narcicisst, but he hates himself, and he tries to balance out his total egoism by constantly playing up his own suffering and how much he loathes himself. That’s where the main character of the tragedy complex comes in.

What’s interesting about Iichan is that for all the tricks and avoidance he goes through, he’s very self aware as a character. He knows how deficient he is in comparison to others and how his problems really aren’t as important in the grand scheme of things. That’s why it’s interesting to watch all the mental gymnastics he goes through.

Knowing that the author also knows that Iichan is a tool, and clearly frames him as such, I can appreciate the more positive parts of his character. I can know that deep down, despite everything he does want to become a person that’s capable of making the other people in his life happy. He just doesn’t know how.

Hitoshiki Zerozaki - NINGEN

“What a riot.”

Iichan’s equal and opposite force. His boy on the other side of the mirror. What if your reflection in the mirror could talk, and what if it was laughing at you? That’s basically Zerozaki’s character in a nutshell.

Iichan is a character who dwells on his intense mediocrity and desires to be special because of it. Zerozaki is the opposite, he’s been special all of his life and has no idea what a normal life is even like.

Zerozaki is a murderer from a family of murderers and yet he doesn’t enjoy murder. He doesn’t feel its evil or feel a lot of remorse. He feels nothing at all about killing,  he thinks people who kill for pleasure are weird, and kills at random.

What I like about Zerozaki is that he’s way more human and down to earth than his perfect foil iichan even though he’s a murderer. Despite being a psycho killer he makes connections with other killers, his little sister, and ninoumiya. A human failure who’s way too human, and that somehow makes him even more of a failure.

Emiya Shirou / Heroic Spirit Emiya - FATE / STAY NIGHT.

“So as I pray. Unlimited Blade Works.”

Counterfeit. Hypocrite. Holy shit. A fake who knows that his desire to save people doesn’t come from the goodness of his heart, but his own selfish desire to be a hero. Shirou emiya is the only valid protagonist, because he’s an extremely traumatized deconstruction of every protagonist before him. Shirou’s not a good person. Shirou’s barely even a person. He has friends but he doesn’t really feel like he deserves to have them. He smiles, but he doesn’t mean it.

I love how Shirou is so terrible at handling his own trauma that he thinks having a strong sense of justice is a personality.  I love how Shirous need to sacrifice himself makes him an idiot and is something his narrative continually gruesomely punishes. He has one of the most brutal narratives ever, and the writing behind his character serves to highlight how Shirou’s bad decision making not only hurts himself, but literally everybody around him.

I love how Shirou has completely emptied out as a person and feels unable to feel basic emotions because its totally relatable.  He just copes so poorly, but at the same time there’s something beautiful in Shirous struggle to be a good person. Shirou has completely given up on himself as a person, but he still wants to help other people, and so he keeps trying.

Getou Suguru - JUJUTSU KAISEN

“I hate monkeys.”

Some villains just want to destroy everything for reasons deeply rooted to emotional trauma. I feel like I’m repeating myself here.

I like characters where empathy is a dangerous quality to have. Getou is driven to villainy because he cares, overwhelmingly so. He cares about people’s individual agency and freedom and rights to be happy and sees the world stomp on it. His breaking point was that he wanted a girl who had been raised as a literal human sacrifice for the system her entire life to be able to live out the rest of her life free as a person, and being completely powerless and unable to help her as she was killed. Getou was struck in that moment by the inherent unfairness in the world and it broke him.

Empathy is such a debilitating flaw for Getou that he literally has to decide certain people  are human and disqualify others from being human so his brain doesn’t completely break. Being a decent caring guy in Getous world breaks you.

Getou tries so hard not to care,  to be the maniacal laughing villain he claims to be, but his empathy is the one part of his brain he can never shut off. Even as the most hated man in the world he protects weak and exploited people and takes them in as a family. He does everything he does to make a better world for the people he cares about, and that’s why he’s so broken because the ones he doesn’t care about he’s completely fine with sacrificing en masse.

Akechi Goro - PERSONA 5

“JUSTICE?! RIGHTEOUS?! KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELVES! YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES PISS ME OFF!!”

I like Goro way more for his potential rather than what we see in canon, but there’s a lot of strong ideas his character is written with. I love the idea that Goro wants to be a good person, wants to be connected to others, but is far too dmaged and because of that

He can only pretend to be a good person and play people pleaser to others. he’s someone who desires at the core of his being to be righteous, and failing that he becomes self-righteous instead. I just love how thoroughly fake he is as a person, and how that makes him covet the real thing.

I also love the insane, twisted and obsessive part of Akechi. I love how much he hates the world for rejecting him, and how much of his actions are just petty revenge on the world, his father, every single person who rejected him. I love him when he’s at his most desperate, when he’s screaming at the people he’s trying to kill asking them why nobody wants him around even though he’s famous and popular.

Ogata Hyakunosuke - GOLDEN KAMUY

Walk your own wild path. Straight and true.

Ogata is a character that is somehow incredibly complex and nuanced character with tons of carefully written development in story, and also a character you have no fucking clue what’s going on in his head. Basically, Ogata is a masterpiece.

Ogata feels like the other half of the story. Sugimoto acts,  Ogata reacts.  Sugimoto chases, Ogata evades.  We are uncomfortably deep in Sugimotos head, but we only catch brief glimpses of Ogatas moments of Frank honesty. The entire story is about Sugimoto and Ogata chaisng after each other and everything else seems incidental sometime. Ogata’s not the main character, but he’s the other half of the heart of the narrative that’s about these really, really bad murderous men who are deeply broken trying to find a way to live in a world without war.

Its not that Ogata is unfeeling it’s that he never allows himself to feel. What other characters lost during the war, Ogata never had in the first place. He sees himself as deformed and malnourished compared to everybody else. Ogatas always been noticing the difference between - himself and others.Even if he wanted to love his brother he kept comparing himself to his father’s beloved son, and realizing how much he lacked. He just kept being reminded over and over again what a child who was loved could have turned out as.  Eventually Ogata convinced himself he was unfeeling. Because somehow that’s easier. He can process everything that happened in his life if he’s detached from it all watching from a tree somewhere.  He’s so repressed he doesn’t allow himself to feel guilt about his brothers death because he doesn’t view himself as a person capable of loving another. However, just like Sugis desire is to be saved from the hell of war deep down theres a kid in Ogata who wanted to be a good son

Ogata is basically my main point of investment in Golden Kamuy, I just want to see him unravel like a big ball of yarn.

[adrianasunderworld]

More headcanons for the boys +romance

Piers

Piers is secretly a sap for old movies. Black and white ones to be more specific. He not only finds them aesthetically pleasing, but also with their own charm. Theres a small theater in Spikemuth that exclusively airs vintage movies, and visits whenever he has time.

His and Marnies biggest bonding activity is hair night. She'll help him redye the white streaks in his hair(which is no small task). Piers will blow dry and straighten hers. They'll put on a bad movie from netflix, order take out and have a night. 

Piers can play guitar. But it's more for personal use than anything. He finds it relaxing to just sit an play while he writes songs. It's only for very specific songs that he'll play in stage. They're usually the very emotional ones that mean a great deal to him. Every piers fan knows, if he's holding a guitar, the crowds tears will follow.

Ever see that video of a dog relaxing while his owner plays the pokemon theme on an acoustic guitar? That's Piers and his pokemon.

Obstagoon is like a big bratty dog. Always wants treats, always wants attention. And will whine when it does not get them. When it was a zigzagoon, it would give big pouty eyes for treats and table scraps, and it always worked on young piers. He was a chubby little thing back then.

When skuntank was a stunky, it was biter. Nothing was safe. Furniture, clothes, fingers. Piers always had little red mark's from the teething pokemon. A quarter of all his money always went to replacing toys Stunky had destroyed.

Romance

 Piers has always been bashful around  people he genuinely likes. *coughraihancough* he'll do his damndest to play it off. But he's always been terrible at hiding a crush. Especially if he blushes around them. He's so pale any color on his face will be very evident.

Half the time he always assumes the other person has no interest in him. But he isn't dense enough to not be able to tell when he's being flirted with. He feels better talking to someone when he knows/feels like his attention is wanted. It makes him less nervous.

Isn't one for initiating pda, but is not opposed to it. He likes having his arm around his s/o shoulders though. 

Has written breakup songs before. No you can't hear them. They're private and locked away in his desk. He has just enough self respect to not air his relationship drama on stage.

Play with his hair, he'll be putty in your hands. 

Has never understood people who stay in relationships with someone who does not get along with their loved ones. Marnie is all Piers has, and if someone cannot get along with her or makes her uncomfortable, they are out. Plain and simple. Unless Marnie says it's ok to keep seeing them, Piers won't pick a relationship over his sister.

Piers is always busy with gym responsibilities or performances and practice. As fun as it can be to bring his s/o to events, his favorite date night activity is to stay home with them. He'll make them a nice meal, put on a movie and relax on the couch. 

Is actually a big cuddle bug. He loves snuggling on the couch. His head on your lap. Holding them in bed. Piers is touch starved and needs attention, please give it to him.

Start giving him good luck kisses before a performance, it'll be his favorite thing.

Raihan 

Raihan acknowledges he can be very vain at times. But the one being that out vains him at every turn is Duraludun. If it sees Raihan filming or taking a photo, it will butt in and try to take over the whole shot. It has become very good friends with the Rotom in his phone. When they get bored they'll stage a hostile takeover of his instagram andTwitter. It become a monthly thing.

Not so secretly a bookstagramer. Raihan always ends up in the vaults and libraries of Hammerlocke. He saw one of his gym trainers, Camilla, taking pictures of the books she was reading and asked about it. She showed him a lot of aesthetically pleasing pictures of books, and libraries, and artfully cluttered desk and wanted to try. It's not a secret, but he does try to keep it separate from his hyper dragon man gym persona. Sort of business vs. Personal deal.

He dresses very well. Despite that more often than not he is in his favorite hoodie and gym uniform, when Raihan wants to dress up,damn son. He spends a lot of time online and is friends with Nessa and Sonia, he knows what's up in fashion and what looks good on him.

He and Gordie are the Meme Team. Everytime they have a conversation it will descend into quoting and reenacting vines. Only the younger gym leaders know what they're saying, they just refuse to encourage it. Except Alister. Hes a little kid that hears these cooler older dudes being funny and try to join them. Hes they're third member now. Poor Bea, she couldn't save him.

Out of all his pokemon, he's had flygon the longest. Raised it from a trapinch when he was a kid. That's why he wears that orange hat/headband thing, to honor his buddy. 

Takes very good care of his skin. Partially because his face is always on camera, but also because his skin dries out easily and always need moisturizers. Nessa showed him all her favorite brands. He likes chilling out with a face mask, it's very soothing.

Romance 

Raihan is a very confident, attractive, and friendly guy, he pretty much never has trouble getting a date.

That being said, sometimes he gets a bit too confident and ends up coming on too strong for some people. 

This was definitely a problem in his teen years. He would just say the wrong thing with all the bravado he could muster and whoever he liked would scoff and walk away. He grew out of it, but it could be downright painful to watch young Raihan flirt.

Raihan is pretty laid back and generally takes rejection very well. Only when it was someone that he REALLY liked and had for awhile is when he gets truly upset. And when that happens he just hangs out at home for a bit or go out to the wild area, Spends time with his pokemon. Generally just wants be alone with his thoughts till he can bounce back. 

When Raihan is dating someone, he surprisingly doesn't want to post about it for awhile. If they're still together after a few months is when he'll post selfies and cute couple pictures. He's learned the hard way how certain types of fans will react to him dating, and once they go public they wont have as much privacy. He likes to have that grace period of just being a couple without all eyes on them.But once that initial hurtle is over. Its photo city with him.

Is a big fan of "good morning" and "good night" texts. Also loves falling asleep over the phone when you can't spend the night together.

Honestly just text him a lot in general. A lot of gym things take up a large chunk of his time. Text that you miss him, or a picture of one of your pokemon sleeping on the couch, ask if he wants pizza later. Literally anything will brighten his day. He'll definitely return the favor. 

Loves taking s/o out on the town. From league events, to friends parties, or just dinner and shopping. He wants to show them off. If you aren't comfortable with it, tell him sooner rather than later. 

Is a giant tease. Loves to whisper whatever he can in your ear or send something risque over text to make you blush and then act completely innocent.

Leon

Has a room in his house just for Hop. Hop used to love visiting him every summer in Wyndon. Otherwise he would never see his brother. The visits got less frequent over the years. But Hop always has a place to stay with Leon.

After he had been champion for a couple years was when the merch train really got rolling. Tshirts, posters, stationery. You name it, it had Leon's face on it. As a kid he lost his shit over it and but over the years got less enamored. Although he does have a soft for the Leon toys. After all, who doesn't want an action figure or doll made of them?

Leon does his best to keep himself and his pokemon in shape and on a daily routine. That all gets thrown out the window when he visits home or family comes to see him. All his pokemon get treated like spoiled house pets. FromHaHaxrus  being a test taster for his mom to Hop flying around the neighborhood with charzard. Its takes over a week to get everything back on track after.

Charzard is obviously the leader of all the pokemon next to Leon. All the newer pokemon always look up to them for guidance and charzard is always friendly and helpful. They are also very fond of kids, it loves events like visiting schools or children's hospitals. He's like a drampa in charzard skin.

Haxorus is a diva. She loves attention and shiny things. She adores Sonia because when she was just an Axew, Sonia always gave her a little trinkets, like sparkly hair pins or a pretty rock. She also loves to be complimented, Leon always calls her his pretty girl. Theres pile of shiny stuff that no one is allowed to touch at Leon's house unless she allows it. 

Whenever leon visits home, he always tries to go out with his old friends. Usually they have a few drinks at the local pub and have dinner. Oddly enough, Leon can get lost going next door, but can stumble home no problem when he's drunk. Go figure.

Ever heard of a sneaker head? Well Leon is a hat head. Whenever his favorite brands come out with a new hat design, you can bet your ass he'll be line for the release or online waiting for the listing to show up. The wall of caps at his moms house is but a humble sample of his collection.

Played softball as a kid. He throws his pokeball the way he was taught to pitch. As a kid leon liked to think if he couldn't be a trainer, he would like the be a baseball player. 

Romance 

Leon can't flirt for shit,and I mean this in the nicest way possible. His idea of breaking the ice is asking if you want a battle. 

Leon was especially hopeless as a teenager. He spent so much time with the league, an environment of mostly adults, being around anyone his age was a damn miracle. 

Sonia and Raihan would always take him to parties to socialize. But anytime someone tried to make a move on him, Leon would just think they were being friendly. 

Raihan has always been his wingman.

Raihan: My friend over there thinks you're cute. *points at the damn champion waving awkwardly from across the room.*

Even Now, they still do this. And it still has 50/50 shot of working.

Has been in a couple relationships, but both have ended badly. They were ultimately with Leon for his title and not him.

Leon wants to be with someone, he just finds it's harder for him than he realised. When he does find someone, it's going to be a bit of a slow go to know them and be sure they aren't using him. When that wall breaks he going to be the happiest man around.

Leon is affectionate and will always find a way to touch his s/o. From a kiss on the cheek, to random hugs, to lightly touching their back as he passes.

This man has never half Assed anything in his life. Leon's a go big or go home kind of guy, so when he wants to make a romantic gesture, he'll put his all into it. From picnics on the stadium field, to a special camping spot in the wild area, dinner on the top floor of the battle tower. Even just flowers will be from the best florist in in the city. Leon wants to show how much he loves you and nothing but his 110% best effort will do. 

As extra as Leon is, it's always the small quiet moments that get him. He'll wake up early and see his s/o peacefully asleep, and he'll just melt and stay there for awhile.

 You could try to make his favorite meal and burn everything and he'll still be touched. It's very much the thought that counts for Leon, because it shows you care enough to put the effort in.

King of cheesy lines. Will say the lamest pick up lines or something he heard in a movie to try and make you laugh. It usually works because he always says it with a straight face.

[an-ambivalent]

Maybe a yandere jealous jennie please? Thank you

i wanna answer what asks I can in my inbox rn lol since everything’s been collecting dust. I don’t have much to answer so I’m going to throw shitty concepts and ‘what ifs’ out there, I’m sorry if this is disappointing :’) 

 I think it would be an interesting dynamic to see a jealous! yandere! Jennie in a royal AU. 

TW: This contains mentions of misogyny because of the patriarchy setting this is set in, violence, murder, yandere themes and other triggering topics. Read at your own risk. I do not condone any of the problematic things mentioned in here, and I do not believe any of the mentioned members would behave like this irl. 

Background info: 

The truth is the further back in time you go, the more it is a “man’s world” and the less power and influence women have. Taking this perspective, if the first child of a family, especially a noble one where children inherit their parent’s wealth and business, is a female, then trying for a second child to have a boy who would be perceived to be “more fitting” to carry on the family legacy, would be common practice. This was the sort of environment Jennie is raised in. 

She’s the first child of the current King, and if it wasn’t for this patriarchy practice, she would be the crown princess who would be the next heir to the throne. From the moment she is born, things that are supposed to be hers, are given to a younger brother who isn’t even born yet. And once he is, despite how much more fit she is to be the ruler than he is, or how she exiles in everything while he’s at a mediocre level, she’s still not considered as a candidate to inherit the crown. Her parents love, her goals for the future, she has to give up everything to her brother. Having to endure things like this, is where her excessive jealousy would come from. 

It would be one those situations that although she seems to have “given up” everything, she would secretly be plotting on how she can overthrow her current family and get her revenge and reclaim the throne as hers. 

But anyway, Jennie’s background information aside, in this au I propose (Y/N) to be widow who is a single mother. At a young age, her family sold her to be a wife of a duke, who is much more older than her. The certain truth surrounding her husband’s “mysterious” death is unknown and there are many controversies. However, her situation is that she is a widow and single mother. In the eyes of the society they live in, its bad enough she has to raise her child by herself, but the fact that she won’t remarry either is the reality she chose which is shamed and ridiculed for. 

(Y/N) being a person who looks like she’s strong and honest enough with herself to live her life however she wants despite what others say about, and being an independent person which is frowned upon would be what attracts Jennie to her. She’s the physical manifestation of what Jennie wants to be, and instead of using “under handed” tactics to plan for that to open like Jennie is doing, Y/N does it openly. 

Since (Y/N) is a duchess, she’s essentially rich and involved in the “noble” circles. At their social gatherings, Jennie approaches her to talk to her out of interest. At first, its actions taken out of jealousy. She sneers and jeers insults that other people gossip about and never have the nerve to say to her face. Inwardly, she felt apologetic but Jennie can’t help herself; she wants to break down that smile (y/n) always wears. But each time she does attempt to humiliate her, her insults her brushed off with quick witted replies. So no matter what Jennie tries, it doesn’t work. And this is when she starts to see (Y/N) in a new light – realising how gracious and intelligent she is to hold her head up high, and being able to stand up for herself. Not taking anyone’s shit, and the confidence she holds is a turn on for her 

But there’s to what things are that meets the eye. So like time skipping and shit, and say that after Jennie realises how she feels towards (Y/N), she wants to be with her so much but given the time they live in, their relationship wouldn’t be acceptable. Actually that’s not the problem, the chances of (y/n) feeling the same as her would be so minute that it would pretty much be nonexistent. So throwing yandere into the mix, Jennie wants to be a stronger person who doesn’t lose everything she wants like she does with her brother. So, this is when she decides she’s going to start claiming what is rightfully hers (the throne, destroying her family for being sexist) etc starting with Y/N, who she thinks is the physical manifestation of who she wants to be. 

She has y/n and y/n’s child kidnapped (she might be a yandere but she’s not that heartless. She knows what its like to not have a parent’s love, so she be damned if she was the reason the child didn’t receive love from their mother anymore). Anyway, she kinda monologues about how much she loves y/n, and now she’s hers. You know, the usual talks yandere gives to their victims after kidnapping them and tying tying them up in the basement – ahem. But, amidst her rant, when she’s talking about how much she admires y/n for openly being who she is, and not caring what others think etc, she’s cut off by Y/N giggling.  

“It’s cute how you think so highly of me Princess Jennie,” (Y/N) starts, smirking and then tilting her head to the side cutely. “I’m not innocent or open about myself in the slightest. Surely, a duke with my dead husband’s status can’t die ‘mysteriously.’ I killed him.” 

So, turns out crazy yandere Jennie kidnapped the crazy bitch y/n who committed murder 😱🤧 

and that’s the story of Princess Jennie and duchess (Y/N) came to be a couple. They overthrew the patriarchy together and Jennie became the Queen she was meant to be. Together, they said lesbian rights. 

[rosesmith18]

Moonlight Night

This is a simple one-shot about Vanessa and the hardships she faces internally being a new mother to her son Thomas, and what doing your best as a mother can lead to. This story references some events from other story ideas of mine, and takes place at two separate periods.(You can also find it on Fanfiction.net under Phineas & Ferb if you prefer reading fanfics like that)

Phineas and Ferb Belongs to Dan Povenmire & Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz Belongs to Dan Povenmire & Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh

Thomas Fletcher Belongs to Melty64 on DeviantArt

                                               Moonlight Night

Vanessa had always adored the night, for it's vast, bright sky of stars, it's calming, black emptiness, and of course it's ever changing master; the moon. The day her husband had exposed her to a true starry night under the full moon was still one of her fondest memories. So, as the cries of a newborn babe rang out calling for Vanessa to leave her soft bed, and enjoy the serene silence of the night much like the serene silence of her spouse, Vanessa found herself unable to begrudge for long.

"Oh, Thomas. What's wrong?" Vanessa questioned the whining brunet babe in his linen crib. A soft, tired, motherly smile on her face that managed to reach her eyes despite their weariness. This had been the fourth time this weekend alone she had awakened to the needy whimpers of her only child. It was never this bad when her husband was by their son's side. There was just a confidence in Ferb when he stared upon their child that Vanessa could never muster. Even now as she smiled down at him with all her motherly love; Thomas screamed with outreached hands for something Vanessa feared she could never give him. Hopelessly trumped by the ceaseless wooing, Vanessa pulled her baby from his crib and into her tired, trembling arms. Thomas clung to his mothers pajama collar as he went on whimpering into her chest. Vanessa's hoarse voice hummed the melody of 'Weißt du wieviel Sternlein stehen?' against the few tuffs of brown hair atop her son's head. Her feet carried them to the balcony that branched off from her and her husband's bedroom. She slid the glass door open and allowed Thomas' cry to fill the fresh air. The sounds of crickets chirping and leaves rustling in the gentle wind usually relaxed Vanessa, but not tonight, when they did nothing for the baby within her embrace. Vanessa looked upon the moon, a waxing crescent, holding itself high above the sky. It's light bared down on her as if trying to soothe her exhausted mind and body. Vanessa wondered to herself if that was even possible when Thomas' cries were as hoarse as her own hums. How could she find peace when there seemed to be none for her child? Her eyes pricked with tears as her thoughts became heavy, and her humming tempered out. Vanessa's expression tensed as Thomas' screams grew louder, and she winced when he tugged at a strand of her brunette locks. She instinctively yanked her head hair away in pain; Frustration and insecurity bubbling in the pit of her stomach. "Why…" She began to mutter out in a desperate plea for guidance when her sapphire irises met Thomas' own. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his cheeks stained with tears, and lips squished inwards. His brow frowned in what she could only identify as unadulterated anguish. Vanessa's chest tightened as her mouth snapped shut. She was ashamed of herself for even thinking of asking such a thing. 'Why won't he stop?' She had been tempted to question the insightful light shining down on her, but that wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to silence him. She just wanted to know, to know...exactly what he wanted to know. All she wanted was to know why everything seemed wrong; Why nothing she gave him brought him joy. But, this face devoid of all human deception and ruled by no human expectations begged for the answer to a similar question; 'Why can't you be happy with me?' It was such a simple question, as to be expected of a child. Why can't you be happy with me? Why can't you just smile at me? Why can't you live in the moment with me? Vanessa took a deep breath as she debated the millions of responses she could give that her son likely wouldn't understand. "I don't know." Was the reply she settled on; The simple, honest truth from which all her stress stemmed from. Her expression shifted to a tense less frown that one often gave when the situation couldn't become pleasant no matter what you did, though it became one of astonishment as she watched her own son's expression alter. His once agonized gaze searching for acceptance became one of acknowledgement as his features relaxed. It was as if he was telling her; 'That's okay. Neither do I.' then a yawn left his lips.

                                        *Thirteen Years Later*

The sobs of a lost soul echoed through the Fletcher resident with a vengeance. Determined in their aim to destroy and replace the fabric of serene silence that so often filled the almost boundless mansion, and yet, the sound begged to be silenced by that familiar, promising serenity. Sadly, the founder of the serenity they cried out for had left quite some hours ago. No, instead the lost souls' pitiful whines were heard only by another, younger lost one who prayed for a sign. 'Oh, what was it to do?' it asked the moon above which only shined down in quiet understanding as always. For moments the young one stood under the moon, thoughtful of everything around it; the vengeful sobs, dissipating serenity, and understanding moon. He felt alone in this contradicting, changing environment that was both oh so familiar and oh so foreign. But, he was not alone. Another was there screaming with an outreached hand for company that he could provide, that is, if he was brave enough. If he had the courage to take a leap of faith, and accept the hand in place of he who came before, yet did not come now. He locked eyes with the moon one last time, his irises as dark and as vast as the sky above. This time he did not ask what to do, or what to say, or where to go. He simply prayed for the courage to live-in this moment-as the moon did; with honest purpose, and knowing, and calming silence. His feet guided him to the home of distress that he would attempt to ease. His hand shook as it reached for the door. He turned the knob with as much control as he could muster, and with a deep breath, pushed the door open. On the bed, a brunette woman curled into herself, shaking yet unmoving. She sneered at the sound of the door, though did not look in it's direction. The younger felt the hair on his body stand up ready to hiss back, but he didn't let himself. He took a cautious step closer, and felt his heart tense as the woman pushed herself up quickly, and snapped her head in the younger man's direction. Her brow was frowned, her teeth bared, and cheeks stained. He didn't let himself hiss, or whimper, or attack, or run. Her sharp, intense sapphire eyes shattered before melting into a set of blue orbs more akin to the ocean tide. Her brow raised, her teeth disappeared behind her quivering lips, and her new tears danced down her cheek. He had seen that face so many times in the past few weeks; he knew his fear had shown on his face. She shot her head away in shame, falling to the bed once more.

"Oh gott…" She muttered under her breath. "...Was tue ich?" He did not know what she was saying, but he pitted the way the words left her. 'Oh, how broken she looked.' He thought, had thought more than once since meeting her. He stepped ever closer to the side of the bed, and when she did not move, he sat beside her. She glanced up at him with eyes that said what she dared not to, however he could read them as clear as a cloudless day. He didn't know how or why, but he could read her eyes. Bore into them with irises of identical nature and feel what she felt. She called him her son, her pride and joy, her only child, and he wanted so badly for her to be his mother. Maybe that was why he came to her when she cried for someone, anyone. When she cried to be held, and cared for, and told that everything was alright. He ran his fingers through her soft, chocolate locks that matched his own perfectly; in color, in texture, in tone. Her eyes widened as if he had promised her the world in place of these lonely walls, and she pulled his hand in hers. 'Stay with me.' Her grip begged of him, and despite the cold air that ran through his spine, he nodded.

[sephiwhore]

Ok but literally all the cyberpunk oc questions? LETS GO CHOOM!!! -thosetwistedtales

Bet you didn’t think I’d actually do it >:3 Okay well I technically didn’t, I did skip some of them cause I couldn’t think of anything, I’d already answered it, or the answer was just “no”.

Without further ado I present, All The Questions about Tess, answered under the cut!

— BASICS

full name: Tess Valere

birthday: She has no idea, and for most of her life she didn’t even know birthdays were a thing

gender and pronouns: Female, she/her

nicknames or aliases: V (obviously), her surrogate brother called her Tessa

sexuality: a big ol bisexual

ethnicity: a big ol white girl

affiliations [corporation/gang/themselves/etc]: she grew up on the streets of Heywood, so certain Valentinos would help her out now and again. She’s nowhere near loyal to them, but she’ll try to avoid killing them during jobs

what languages do they speak?: English, conversational Spanish, and she knows a handful of Japanese words

— PERSONALITY

alignment: Chaotic Good, but she dabbles in Chaotic Neutral

color(s) you associate with them: cyan and black and after Johnny comes into her life, red

theme song: Unbreakable by Fireflight

what heavenly virtue would you assign them? Humility

what deadly sin would you assign them? Wrath

what is their biggest strength? Sheer fucking perseverence, mostly fueled by spite

what is their biggest fear? Losing the people she loves, because throughout her life those have been few and far between and she’s lost a good number of them

what is their biggest weakness? Again, the people she loves

are they confident in their abilities? Oh you bet your ass she is, so confident that she stormed Arasaka Tower with nothing but her revolver and her cyberdeck

what is their opinion on cybernetics? They’re a necessary evil. Her brother dealt with cyberpsychosis so in a way she resents cybernetics, but she also knows that you won’t get far as a merc in Night City without a few implants

do they have a good sense of humor? Yes, very dry and sarcastic

how do they cry? When she cries it’s either from rage or panic, very little in between

how do they laugh? Quite subdued, usually the most you’ll get out of her is a hearty chuckle. Very rarely does she go into a full laughing fit

do they smoke? She started smoking after Johnny popped up in her head cause she felt bad for his situation (after she stopped hating him anyway) and figured she could give him this one thing. And now she smokes like a chimney.

do they drink? She’s been dealing with alcohol dependence and borderline alcoholism for half of her life

what kind of drunk are they? As she drinks more it progresses from pretty chill, then VERY affectionate, and then Fightey

do they take any drugs? She knows how she is with alcohol so she avoids drugs like the plague

— COMBAT

preferred weapon: For close/mid-range, a nice beefy revolver (Overture) or Johnny’s Malorian. Long range, a sniper rifle.

combat style [stealth/melee/brute force/etc] Depending on the environment, it’s either stealth with a silenced pistol and lots of quickhacks, a John Wick style headshots-galore shootout, or sniping from a distance

primary stats [ex: intellect] Intelligence and Reflexes

biggest weakness in combat: She sometimes forgets to watch her back, and tends to ignore injuries and see the fight through when retreating would probably be the best course of action

threaten or charm? Depends on the target, she’s great at both

lethal or non-lethal? For corpos, the more malicious gangs (Tygers, Animals, 6th Street), or anyone who has hurt innocents, full lethal. If she’s just infiltrating a warehouse full of workers, non-lethal

leave quietly or send a message? She sends a message WHILE leaving quietly

strategy or improvise? Improvise

— APPEARANCE

hair style and color [is it natural? do they change it a lot?] She has synthhair so she can change the style and color at will (I have no idea if that’s how it actually works but I say it is) but she usually sticks to come kind of short sideshave/undercut in some shade of blue.

eye color: Natural eye color is green, but she usually has black scleras with a red circle

height: I had her at 5’8 until yesterday when I realized ya know what, I want a tall girl. So she’s 6 feet.

describe their body type: Skinny, small tiddies, but still fairly curvy

describe their style: Dark colors, leather jackets, lots of boots (also Johnny’s tank top and aviators)

do they wear makeup? Very smudgey eyeliner. Her upper lip is tattooed black and she usually leaves the bottom one bare

tattoos? any significant ones? Lots of tattoos that I haven’t figured out yet, except fir a modified version of the Valentinos neck tattoo, the V being to honor her brother Ven (she took on the name V to honor him too)

scars? Random ones here and there from random gunshots, stabbings, and other work-related injuries

piercings? A bunch that I can’t remember off the top of my head

cybernetics? Gorilla arms, the charge jump ankle ones, eventually she gets synth lungs as a preventative measure cause of the whole smoking thing

— FAVORITES

favorite place in night city: The streets of Heywood because they’re home to her, despite all the awful memories growing up. After Johnny comes along, she starts to like high places, and she loves to hang out on the patio outside Kerry’s house

favorite tv show and/or movie: She loves horror movies, except ghost one cause she doesn’t believe in ghosts so she just finds them dumb

favorite vehicle. do they prefer cars or motorcycles? Vastly prefers motorcycles, she hasn’t really driven a car much since she was a teenager. Her favorite is Jackie’s Arch.

favorite food: She sees food solely as a source of fuel, she will eat whatever is easiest

favorite drink: Tequila

favorite song: Black Dog :3

favorite type of weather: She LOVES the rain (but the water kind, not the acid kind)

favorite radio station: Vexelstrom, and then Morro Rock cause Samurai :3

favorite pastime: Working out, shooting ranges, Jackie and Vik got her into occasional boxing

— RELATIONSHIPS

what are their parents like? what kind of relationship do they have with your character? She had no memory of her parents and assumes they’re both dead

do they have any other family members? what kind of relationship do they have? She has a “brother”, who she knew only as Vendetta (or V). He found her on the streets and took her in when she was 10, and raised her from then on until he “died” 12 years later. Their relationship was great, despite the fact that he was not a very nice person to everyone else but her. 

who is their closest friend? Of course Jackie, and then Kerry (and Johnny ofc)

who are their other friends if they have them? Nope! :D

what are their exes like? any significant ones? She’s never really had a serious relationship, mostly just flings and acquaintances-with-benefits

are they in a relationship? with who and how is it going? Johnny! And it’s uh. Well, ya know.

who are their enemies? She has a passionate hatred for whichever corpo makes cyberpsychosis medication, and for Max Tac cause she sees them as responsible for the loss of her brother. And of course Arasaka.

have they ever lost anyone important to them? Her brother, Jackie, Johnny

would they betray their own morals for their loved ones? Abso-fucking-lutely

have they ever sacrificed something for someone they care about? if so, what? In one of my two canons for her, she gives Johnny her body

— BACKGROUND

where did they grow up in night city? if not from night city, where are they from? The streets of Heywood, then in a shitty apartment in Heywood

how would you describe their childhood? Miserable

were they well-off, poor or somewhere in between when growing up? After Ven took her in, they did have an apartment but because he needed monthly baloperidol (cyberpsycho meds) injections, they were quite poor

what kind of education did they receive? The only real education she ever got was “how to shoot a gun”

what is the biggest lesson they learned growing up? Everything and everyone in the world is going to try its best to destroy you. Destroy it first.

what is their happiest memory? A few weeks after Ven took her in and and it finally hit her, this was real, she had a home, someone that cared for her, and she never had to go hungry again,

what is their most painful memory? Watching her brother, in the middle of a psychotic break, being gunned down. After that it would be saying goodbye to Johnny (in the canon where that happens)

have they kept any meaningful mementos from their past? One of the revolvers she owns was given to her by her brother, and all of her piercings and a couple of her tattoos were done by him so they’re mementos, in a way

is there anything they would change about their past? She would do anything to save her brother.