#that crab ain't sitting well

[blueeyedgirll]

shark week surprise - spencer reid x f!reader

spencer reid x f!reader on her period

this fic includes: fluff, descriptions of bad periods and period paraphernalia, spencer being a sweetie pie and doting on you, established relationship, non-bau reader, pet names, early seasons spencer, use of midol, no use of y/n, unrealistic depiction of spencer's job, reader being shorter than spencer

word count: 1,053

a/n: you'll never guess what time of the month it is for me ;) im testing out using gifs on my fics so tell me what you think my lovely returning readers!

"It hurts," you say into your phone.

"I know it does, honey. I'm sorry. I'm sure a heating pad and some medicine can help with your cramps," Spencer responds sympathetically, recalling all of the period remedies he had learned.

"I took some Midol about an hour ago and I have the heating pad on right now. It's not helping much."

"Hmm..." Spencer pauses for a moment. "I've read that light exercise and hot tea or water can help. Are you feeling well enough to talk to the kitchen and make some tea? I think there's still some of the chamomile and honey tea I bought you in the pantry, and the walking might help."

"I should be alright. Will you stay on the phone with me?" you plead.

"Of course I will. Luckily, I'm in my hotel room for the night, so I have as much time as you need."

"Thank you, Spence."

"You're welcome, love."

You hobble to your kitchen, phone in hand, and start to make yourself a cup of chamomile tea.

The few minutes it took for the kettle to boil felt excruciatingly long, but having Spencer on the phone to distract you helped.

"I was reading an article about Spanish idioms, and I saw one I thought you would like," Spencer prompts.

"Yeah? What's that?" You say, leaning against your kitchen counter.

"Well, it literally means 'Thinking about the immortality of the crab,' but it's a way to say that instead of just sitting idly, you were engaged in active thought or daydreaming. Kind of like saying you're just letting your mind wander," Spencer says, his voice growing more excited as he elaborates.

"I think about the immortality of the crab a lot, then," You joke.

"I know. That's why I thought you would like it."

You scoff and bring your now finished cup of tea back into your bedroom, where you had been hibernating amidst every fuzzy blanket you could find.

You pull the heating pad back over your lap and get as cozy as you can with your hellish cramps. As nice as your bedspread may be, however, you know that you would be a lot more comfortable with Spencer cuddled up next to you.

"When are you gonna be back home, Spencer?" You ask.

"Well, we haven't gotten very many good leads, so we're a little stuck right now. It might be a few more days. I'm sorry, honey," He responds apologetically.

"Oh... That's okay. I get it."

You did get it. It wasn't uncommon for Spencer to be gone for days, sometimes a few weeks at a time. But the searing pain and high estrogen levels just made you want him near you even more.

"I'm sorry. You know I would so much rather be taking care of you right now," Spencer follows.

"Ain't no rest for the wicked."

"Exactly." Spencer pauses for a moment, lets out a sigh, and shuffles around in his room. "You should get some rest. You may feel better tomorrow as your hormones decrease."

"I know. I love you, Spence."

"I love you too, darling. I'll see you soon. Hang in there."

"I will. Bye."

You hang up the phone and sigh dramatically. It was only Friday night, and without work to prepare for or Spencer to spend time with, you were forced to entertain yourself for the weekend.

You start by putting on an older show to rewatch, but don't make it through much before you fall into an uncomfortable sleep.

You wake up the next morning to your phone ringing. Rubbing your dry eyes, you pick up your phone and see Spencer's contact flash across your screen. You pick up, clearing your throat before you speak.

"Morning, love."

"It's eleven AM, darling. But good morning to you, too," Spencer responds. In the background of the call, you hear what sounds like a turn signal.

"Whatever. Where are you?"

"I'm in the car," He says uninformatively.

"Okay, then where are you heading?"

"To my destination."

What a turd. You groan in exasperation.

"If it makes you feel better, I have something for you,' Spencer tells you.

"Like what?"

"It should be arriving just about now, actually."

"What do you mean?" You question.

Before you could ask him anything else, you hear a knock at your door.

"Hang on, Spence. Someone's at the door," You say, placing your eye to the peephole.

To your great surprise, you see a tiny image of Spencer smiling outside your door with his phone up to his ear. You fling the door open and affirm that he is, in fact, at your door.

"Spencer!" You exclaim. He greets you as he throws his arms around you, lightly squishing you against his chest.

"I thought you weren't gonna be home for a few more days. What changed?" You ask, pulling away from his embrace to look up into his sweet brown eyes.

"The unsub basically turned himself in, so we all got to go home early. I would have came here earlier, but I had to make a stop," He says, gesturing to his right hand.

You look down to see a shopping bag. He smiles and walks into your living room, urging you to follow.

He slowly unpacks the bag, announcing every item as it appears.

"An array of candy -- fruit flavored as well as chocolate --, electrolyte drinks to keep you hydrated, a new bottle of Midol to help with the pain, and..." Out of a separate bag you hadn't noticed before, he pulls out a bouquet of fresh flowers. "Flowers because I thought you would like them."

He hands you the flowers and you smile up at him before enclosing him in another hug.

"Thank you, Spencer. You're so sweet."

"I'm just trying to make you feel better," He says, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"You're doing great."

He smiles into your hair before pulling away.

"What do you want to do? We can watch movies in bed, I can draw you a bath, we can go for a walk..." He trails off, looking to your for an answer.

"Let's go watch movies. We can find that new one we wanted to watch."

"Sounds good to me, love," He says, following you into the bedroom, snacks in hand.

[mlmxreader]

What Remains | Cooper Howard x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ '' How I end up here''

And

"I wanna know who I'm looking at"

With ghoul please

( I didn’t watch the show but this character I.... What I'm thinking is bad...) ❞

: ̗̀➛ Cooper Howard is long dead, but maybe a part of him still lives in The Ghoul. Even if it's only a little bit.

trigger warnings : ̗̀➛ swearing, mentions of violence, jealousy, sex references, violence references

╰┈➤ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

Cooper was too busy with searching the chem box to even think about looking up; with you standing guard so diligently and with great loyalty, he didn't know of any reason why he should have.

After all, you had been travelling together since you saved him from a group of super mutants, and although it was not easy, you had gained each other's trust, confidence and now it felt odd if you weren't together - you were a team, now, after spending so long together.

Of course, you still had disagreements, though, like when you wanted to help your old friend Valentine and Cooper it a bullshit distraction.

"Thou shalt not get side tracked by bullshit every time," he had grumbled, even whilst aiding you in helping Valentine.

It still made you laugh when you thought about it. He never wanted to play the good guy and was really only ever out for himself unless there were enough caps in the question; but you could see it, the layer of decency hidden under all that lone wanderer bullshit.

The humanity that he so desperately tried to snuff out. Trying to run so far from what he used to be but still clinging onto gope that somewhere in all the shit, there was something - someone - to bring him back. To pull Cooper Howard back into the light at last.

You cleared your throat, drawing his attention at last.

"It's gettin' dark, Coop," you told him. "We ought to find shelter for the night, then keep going."

Cooper grumbled even though he knew that you were right; being so close to the edge of the Glowing Sea was more dangerous at night than any other time.

Ravenous deathclaws stalked the land searching for anything they could devour. Glowing ghouls with rotted brains and empty dyes were just waiting at the chance to consume any sort of meat. There was always something in the shadows.

But Cooper still slammed the chem box shut and he still stood up and gestured for you to follow him back to the ruined house not far down the road.

It had only one bed, but it still had a roof, and that was better than nothing.

At least you weren't on that fucking foggy island again with all those gulpers and anglers and crabs. so there was that.

"You take the bed," Cooper told you with a huff. "I'll just sleep on the chair."

You shook your head. "Why don't we just share? It's plenty big enough and it wouldn't be the first time."

Cooper huffed as he took his hat and coat off, putting them on the chair before sitting at the edge of the bed; he watched you with great curiosity, taking notes of every movement as if he was studying you and trying to learn your behaviour.

You didn't think much of it - he had been doing it for a while now.

Well, ever since you met up with that Ghoul Mayor who had endlessly flirted with you; you knew Cooper didn't like the fact that you flirted back, but you assumed it was only because he didn't want you to be distracted by the oh so handsome ghoul.

"Hey," you cleared your throat as you looked at him, the buttons of your shirt undone to expose only the slightest glimpse of your chest. "We're okay, right?"

Cooper glared up at you, then nodded slowly. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"You've been different since Goodneighbor," you said with a shrug. "Ever since that Mayor invited me to stay the night, you've been weird."

"Thou shalt not-"

"Get side tracked by bullshit every time, I know, I know, but it ain't that and you know it," you told him, folding your arms across your chest. "It's like you had an issue with him wanting to get in my trousers."

He glared at you for a moment, then shook his head with a scowl. "How'd I end up here? Bein' fuckin' questioned about why I cockblocked that Mayor you fuckin' couldn't wait to jump on."

"Hust tell me why, Coop," you sighed.

"He weren't right for you," he told you with a sneer. "He didn't know what it's like out there for people like us. He spent all his fuckin' time in an office doin' chems - he don't know. Someone like that can't be right for someone like you."

"And you think you would be?" You asked with a raised brow. "Then why the fuck didn't you just tell me? Why the fuck did you have to go all stupid and weird?"

Cooper grumbled. "Shut up about it, would ya? It don't matter - I ain't... I ain't who I was and I ain't never gonna go back to it. So shut up, lie down and fuckin' sleep. We'll head out first thing. Second dawn comes up."

"Or what?" You challenged.

"Or I'll take you back to Goodneighbor," he all but growled out. "And you can stay there with your pretty boy Mayor."

"You wouldn't," you shook your head, narrowing your gaze at him. "I'm not an asset to you, Coop, and you care about me - whether you admit it or not. You care, you just won't let me in... but you want to... so tell me, because I wanna know who I'm looking at: The Ghoul, or Cooper?"

His expression softened as he looked down at the ground to hide his weakness, groaning and sighing heavily. "My name was- is Cooper Howard. I'm a bounty hunter, and I hated the way that Mayor looked at you, spoke to you... but I can't be what you want, and we both know that."

You came to sit beside him, your hand landing on his thigh. "So you can't be yourself? Because that's what I'd want. I'd want the snarky, violent, asshole who shoots first and asks questions later."

Cooper didn't say anything, just put his hand on yours and nodded slowly; he couldn't bring himself to say it, in all honesty. He tried to long to snuff out his humanity that it felt wrong to even try to engage with it again; Cooper Howard was dead, and he knew that.

if you made it to the end of this fic and you enjoyed it, then please, if you have any cash to spare, please consider donating to help Mahmoud rebuild his life.

[writer-by-the-sea]

Dear Elliott,

In my culture, we got a thing that's called "premonition of love." It ain't like love at first sight. It's more like a vision you have that tells you you're gonna fall in love with someone in the future.

Most times the vision appears when you meet someone for the very first time in your life. But for me, it's always happened later. After I've seen this special person a good number of times. Couldn't tell you why. I don't know, either. But it's happened enough times for me to know it when I see it. And it's always been right.

Like...do you remember when we had our first drink at the saloon? You got some ale and ordered me some wine. And you started acting very silly once you'd finished your drink. That was when I saw us on a rowboat. Out on the ocean. Kissing.

Ah, I ain't telling you this to pressure you into anything! Just reckoned I oughta tell you so I'm honest. Wherever we go from here...I just hope we get to be in each other's lives for a good long time. Like, at least 50 years. 100 years would be even better.

Love,

Kame ���🐢💚

Admittedly, I may have had the vision when we first met.

There have been many times in my life where I've met someone for the first time. Each meeting leaves me wondering what the future has to hold between us.

I always thought it was simply being able to read people well.

For example, when I first met Willy. He saw me dragging my luggage through the sand and offered a hand. I envisioned us sitting on the docks together, sipping cool beers and watching the world pass us by.

Which came true but even a week later!

Then when I met Leah. We met in the bar, sitting at the same table and sharing a plate of crab cakes; and it was an instant bond. I thought of her paintings and tried to imagine what they looked like.

Later on, she gave me a painting that I swore I had seen in a dream; even though she painted it shortly after we met.

And for you, my dear Kame, I didn't see us at the ocean. I saw us even deeper into our future.

I thought of us on your farm. Trees grew amok, rocks and weeds everywhere; but I saw time pass quickly. What was once an overrun farm turned into something beautiful.

And every morning, I would wake up, bring you coffee, kiss you on the cheek, and thank the heavens that you found me.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1131: God of War's Birthday Blowout (King of Fighters)

8:45 p.m. at Blanctorche Family's Mansion's Dining Room........

Shen: (Looks Down at a Plate of Mini Seafood Like Patty Cakes Before Picking One Up For Closer Observation) So this is what a crab cake looks like, huh?

Ash: (Smiles Brightly) Oui!~ Freshly made just for the Birthday Boy himself.

Duo: We've managed to order a couple of crabs on the way here. Most of which held from Shanghai.

Elizabeth: (Crosses her Arms) And I've spent four and a half hours in the kitchen, making extra sure that each of them look and taste eligible enough to eat, so you better not leave a single patty left on either of those plates before the night ends.

Shen: (Shrugs) Hey, if it means I don't have to pay for anything in return, then I ain't complaining. (Takes a Bite off the Crab Cake He's Holding And Tastes It For a Few Seconds Before Nodding) Mm. Well, I'll be damned. (Finishes off the Crab Cake) This ain't half bad. (Starts Eating a Few More Crab Cakes From Out the Plate Before Turning to Elisabeth) You really outdone yourself here, Liz.

Elizabeth: (Simply Nodded) Naturally. Now, stop talking with your mouth full. It's a sign of bad manners.

Shen: There's no one else in here but the four of us, Liz. (Swallows his Food Down With One Gulp) Live a little for once.

Elisabeth: (Glares at Shen) Absolutely not! As long as you are under MY root, you will obey every rule I present to you.

Ash: I'd listen to Betty if I were you. Last time someone disobey a rule of hers, he received thirty whiplashes across the face before getting kicked out.

Elisabeth: (Rolls her Eyes) The riding crop doesn't have a lashe, Ash, and even then, I don't use it for childish antics.

Ash: (Casually Place Both his Hands Behind his Back) Our childhood says otherwise.

Elisabeth: (Gives Ash a Stern Sisterly Glare) That's was and will forever in the past! This is the present and right now, I advise you to take your role as the-

Ash: (Starts Rolling his Eyes) "Heir of the Blanctorche Family's Bloodline more seriously" yes, yes, I'm fully aware of that song and dance many times before. And I am willing to do so riiiiiiight after we celebrate the birth of our dear friend here. (Sits Next to Shen While Poking his Cheeks) How does it feel to be an old man now, Shenny?~

Shen: (Glares at Ash While Slapping his Finger Away From his Cheeks) Will you cut that shit out already? Being thirty isn't that old of an age!

Duo: But isn't as young of an age either. It's more in between if anything.

Ash: (Shrugs) Perhaps. (Forms a Sly, Shit Eating Grin on his Face) But just you wait. One of these days, those bones of yours are gonna give up on you and you'll be old enough to use a cane to walk with.

Shen: (Glares at Ash) Why use it for that, when I can knock your ass out with it instead?

Elisabeth: (Steps in Front of Ash While Giving Shen a Darken Glare on her Face) Hurt him and I will end you myself.

Ash: (Blows a Raspberry at Shen)

Shen: (Let's Out a Laugh) Hoho! Are those fighting words I'm hearing coming out your mouth there, Liz? (Starts Cracking his Knuckles While Givung Elisabeth a Competitive Smirk on his Face) Cause I'm more than happy to oblige to your request.

Elisabeth: And I'm more than happy to put you and foolish in your place. And my name is Elisabeth!

Duo: (Akready Has a Deadpinned Look on his Face) This is getting ridiculous. We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves this evening.

Ash: (Makes his Way to Duo Lon's Side) Duo Lon is right. (Starts Pouting at the Duo) Shame on you two for ruin our night tomorrow over your petty arguments~

Shen/Elisabeth: (Growls and Comically Glares at Ah Crimson) YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU TWERP!

Ash: Well, you two are more than welcome to play the blame game all you want. In the meantime, I'm going continue joining the party. (Picks the Crab Cake Up From the Plate and Takes a Bite off of It)

Duo: ('Sigh') Anywho, Shen, is there anything in particular you want to wish for on your birthday this year?

Shen: (Starts Grabbing his Chin While Thinking) Uhhh.......I dunno. Keep living and fight stronger opponents I guess?

Elisabeth: That's more one wish, you imbecile.

Shen: Well, those are the two I can think of right now, so take or leave it!

Duo: For my own sanity and patience, I'll take it as it is. (Raise his Glass Up) Here's hoping you continue to live your fruitful life for many years to come.

Shen: Wait, before we cheers to that, I wanna make a speech first.

Duo: Floor is yours then.

Shen: Thanks. Sooooo uhhh.....(Starts Rubbing The Back of his Head Back and Forth) Truth be told, for as long as I can remember, I don't have any close friends growing up. Or any friends for the matter.

Ash: Friendless you say?

Elisabeth: That's not surprising.

Shen: (Comically Glares at the Duo) Shut it! (Clears his Throat Before Continuing Speaking) As what I was saying, I didn't have friends growing up, so having you guys as one after all these years later, is....kinda like a breath of fresh to me? I mean, don't get me wrong. You guys get on my nerves constantly, 'cept you, Duo Lon, you're the most tolerable of the bunch.

Duo: (Forms a Small Smirk on his Face) Naturally.

Shen: But regardless of all that, I'm glad to have you dorks as my pals. (Smiles Brightly) It makes life less dull around here than usual, ya know? And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Elisabeth: (Genuinely Surprised by the Speech) Wow. That's.....actually really thoughtful of you to say, Shen.

Ash: (Gives Shen a Hug) You really are the biggest softie ever~

Shen: (Casually Moves Ash Off of Him By Touching his Forehead) Watch it, half pint. Nothing about be is soft. I'm just saying it like it is.

Duo: And I applaud you for it. Now only if you try staying out of trouble this time around.

Elisabeth: Impossible.

Ash: He'll probably get himself in a bar fight in the next day or so.

Shen: (Comically Glares at The Duo Again) Have a little more faith in me than that, assholes!!

Duo: My faith in you below 50%.

Shen: (Turns to Duo) No one ask for percentages, smart ass!!

Elisabeth: Mines a ten.

Ash: Negative five~

Shen: STOP IT! ('Groans in Defeat') Whatever. Let's just cheers to our drinks before I get pissed all night (Holds Up Hos Along With the Others) To me being thirty.

Everyone: Cheers!

Happy Late Birthday to Shen Woo

@tampire

@thelexhex

@albion-93

@theweebmaster31

@cyber-wildcat

[the-firebird69]

We have to take over Walmart and grocery stores and everywhere else in the banks right now it's echo terrorism and we're behind and we need to shift priority to our people so we don't actually lose.

It's a constant reminder here and it keeps saying it you realize they're trying this on all our people realize we're just sticking band aids everywhere and we can't see anything. It's true too we need to rip them the hell out of there and we need to take over the companies. We're working towards that we are achieving our goals we need assistance we have had great successes recently and we are negative only to try and inspire our own but here are some of the positives:

- We have taken over several banks and 50% of them were from John Remallard and company meaning his race and his people due to the fact of severe threats on our son mostly we are going to crush that net right now everybody is attacking his snatches and caches and they did not stop and they are making progress and have made progress and they know they did and his people are admitting it when they pull them in and question them as to why they're saying they took nothing back. They are obnoxious inhuman losers the way they talk they are completely spoiled and the max are not upset. What they paid for and these people are out of control and they are massive **** if there is any example as to what they're like it's perfect it would be this new planet of the apes they go around bragging streaming yelling they haven't done anything not a thing

- They are very much out of order and yeah this gifted people cannot stand being under pressure and Tommy Allen and his don't respond well either but they tend to internalize and just kind of sit there shut down so they found out that this **** trump was kicking out keeping them down and they're trump stars are looking around and Max the max proper of keeping them down and Tommy F is held down too they're they're really nothing they're terrible fighters they don't fight this max stuff at all and they keep trying to drag our son into their misery it's obnoxious we have to get information out here we want you to shut your **** useless childish miles up or we're gonna start hitting you stupid **** we have real work to do you **** idiots

- We're gonna have to come out here and get these idiots out for real he's pressing them and pressing them because they're bothering him ceaselessly it's not fair for us.

- Really this stuff is garbage that they have us yelling back and forth they're so dumb and they're so idiotic they don't give us a chance to get a lot of stuff out we need out out and we want them out now.

- You're spending too much time going in circles in this circular crab fest where we need to be also taking big bites out of them we have covered and we developed a circular crap fest to take huge bites out of these **** **** and start doing all this **** taking a huge bite out of them so what it's for they're not doing it they're going they're going they're hitting each other only come on that ain't that ain't right we're dumping them in a hole only we're gonna get blindsided here and that was our son this last paragraph and I agree i'm sending orders right now

Thor Freya

Olympus

[crimsononiarataki-archive]

"It ain't even that, they just accuse me of bein' a curse or some nonsense more than anythin' else. I've never done anythin' to 'em to warrant it either,"

The Oni would chuckle a bit, Kaeya had a point, but he wasn't about to ask for any sort of clarification. He'd shake his head slightly at the apology, after all, it wasn't like the other male was calling HIM bull-headed, though in a sense he kind of was, wasn't he? He did have horns like one, after all.

"Ya didn't offend me, so don't worry."

He was actually pretty hard to offend. It was usually only after his kind were talked badly of that he would say something. He didn't seem to care that a group of people called him all sorts of terrible names, he'd never done anything to them, and he didn't let their words hurt him in any way. It was only when they said something about his FAMILY or any other Oni who might be out there that he reacted. Never violently, of course, he couldn't use his strength against normal humans like the people who called him a curse among other things.

"Ya don't gotta do that and I honestly hope that nothin' does happen because I'd feel bad if ya had to say somethin' to 'em since you're here on vacation,"

The Oni also didn't want someone to become a target because they stood up for him, or something, that's why he told his Gang to never try to retaliate. Sure, his Gang members were all human, he didn't want them to do anything that would get them into trouble because someone decided to be a jerk to him. He was used to dealing with the group of jerks, and he'd likely have to deal with them for quite a few more years, he just needed to hope that the kids didn't wind up turning out like their fathers.

He'd follow Kaeya to the table, they weren't terribly small, but for the most part he had no issues sitting at them. He watched as Kaeya showed him how good he was at holding chopsticks and he'd nod, the taller male would wind up using a pair of chopsticks as well. The pair he used were made for him, they were something he often carried with him so he had them just in case. As the other asked him what he'd recommend he'd give it a bit of thought.

"If ya like fish, or wanna try it the Inazuman way, there's the sashimi platter, there's also butter crab, these dishes come with a bowl of rice on the side. There's also sushi, if ya wanna try that, if that ain't somethin' ya think you'll like there are tons of other options."

He'd tap his chin as he thought more, he wasn't sure if Kaeya would be okay with sashimi, or sushi, both were fairly common in Inazuma, as there was an abundance of fish. Of course, if he didn't like the idea of raw fish, he could always try the egg sushi.

"If ya wanna try somethin' with a little more 'Inazuma' in it, that ain't raw fish, the sakura tempura is always good."

“Well, that’s how it usually goes, unfortunately. Regardless of your ancestry to this land, others will still claim it anyway,” Kaeya responded, his voice airy yet still carrying a quality of discontent to it. “Try as you might, people will remain proud and bull-headed—ah. No offense.” He scratched at his cheek, hoping that didn’t offend Itto because of Paimon’s dumb nickname and his companion, Ushi.

As the two went inside to the restaurant, Kaeya once more took in a deep breath and took in the delicious, savory smells that invaded his senses. Oh, he’s absolutely going to eat as much as he can even if it makes him sick if the food tasted as good as it smelled.

“Trust me, it takes a lot more than that to ruin my mood, Itto. Don’t worry about it,” he assured, smiling at the taller man with an amused huff. “I won’t worry, but if anything happens, I don’t know if I’ll stay quiet. I don’t take kindly to bullies, after all.”

With a hum, his eye glanced over the interior of the building, pursing his lips in thought before deciding to sit at a table. He’d love to watch the chefs one day, but for now he had other things to focus on, such as their conversation. And the food when it eventually gets to them.

Moving to take a seat at one of said tables, he let out a long sigh that he wasn’t aware of holding. His feet were kind of killing him, but it’s nothing some good food and rest won’t fix up for him. He grinned and chuckled as Itto asked about chopsticks, the Captain bringing a hand up and waving it in assurance.

“Oh, there’s no need to concern yourself over that. I’ve learned how to use chopsticks since I was a kid. Kind of had to with my upbringing and all the trips we’ve gone on to Liyue,” he explained, picking up a pair of disposable chopsticks. He snapped them apart evenly, scraping them against each other to remove any splinters off the ends before holding them ever so perfectly. He was always eager to show off in any way he possibly could.

“See? I'll be just fine. Now, what would you suggest? Let’s get a couple of dishes, I’m pretty starved and I’m sure you’d be able to keep up just fine.”

[neeks-03]

i bought a box full of big cup ramen! best 20bucks i spent

[devilmayfamily]

The Boys and The Beach

Dante

Very much one to throw you into the ocean at least once

If he cant get you in there, he'll get Nero and you may have to stop them from drowning one another

Will help you make a sandcastle if you so desire and you bet he's gonna make it as big and amazing as he can

Will sit with you at the spot you've claimed for the group and eat a sundae

Walks along the shore at night to relax

Crabbing competition with Nero and Nico

Vergil

Sits with you under the umbrella and reads

If you choose to swim, it's the only time he'll probably get up

Walks with you along the peer

Man's doesn't enjoy the feeling of sand between his toes

If you're with the crew, you've got to make sure he and Dante don't kill one another

Vergil definitely will if Dante throws sand on him one more time

Nero

Like his uncle, he will throw you into the ocean at least once

Will sit and sun bathe with you and the other girls of DMC

Sun screen train!

If you're wearing something a little showy, expect a blue wing covering you subconsciously

Need a towel? This man packed 4

Did he fall asleep? Maybe. Are you going to flip him so he tan's evenly? Well...

V

Like Vergil, he's gonna sit under the umbrella with you and read

Make him tan with you all you want, that man ain't getting much darker

Griffon likes to poke fun at you two for coming to the beach but not getting in the water at all

Shadow dug a big hole that you're not about to try and fill

Does not mind a nice walk along the shore or peer in the afternoon

Please make sure to have a lot sunscreen for this man

[theliterarywolf]

" And I myself am black-adjacent (I would say ‘I am also black’ but, to this day, I get people saying that since I’m Nigerian-American I 'don’t count’)" That is impressively ignorant tbh, and reminds me deeply of that argument (toddler tantrum) from a few years ago, where Americans with East-Asian ancestry decided they get to talk above actual Native-born East-Asians, because "We grew up where we were stigmatised for our ancestry." but only if they were American, not Europeans with EA-ancestry.

Anonymous asked: Wait, ppl say you ain't black bc you're not... Murican?

This response got a bit long, so...

Yeah, so, it's all a bit of tomfuckery because, well, I was born here. I was raised entirely by my mother (who is Nigerian) in all matters of speaking and my culture, particularly since my father (American) decided to enact his God-complex and get himself locked up when I was conceived, when I was like three, and finally when I was seven.

But, that matter aside, some of you all will have noticed that I mention the phenomenon 'Racial-Triangulation' quite a bit. For those who haven't, basically its the observed cultural phenomenon when non-white* people who live in America will begin exhibiting hostility to non-white people who have just moved to an area or reclassify them as something 'other' than their own race because they have the internalized notion that 'oh, these new people think they're so much better than us' or 'oh, white people treat them better'.

Neither of which are true and, in reality, its just crabs-in-a-bucket syndrome being acted out in real time.

(*I used the phrase non-white because this phenomenon has been observed in Asian-Americans towards Asian immigrants and black Americans to African immigrants or their African-American children)

Interesting story to tie this ask off. So one time when my mother and I were renting a room from an acquaintance, my mother was going to be late coming home from work so she asked said acquaintance to pick me up from the bus stop after school.

She did and, while we were driving into her road, a neighbor of hers walked over to the car. They were talking for a bit before the acquaintance asked 'Oh, I thought you were working at the hospital tonight?'

To which the neighbor responded (keep in mind, both of them were black Americans), 'I wanted to, but all these fucking Africans keep coming in and taking all the work!'

To which the acquaintance added 'Yeah, they're getting annoying as hell.'

Meanwhile, I'm just sitting in the passenger seat like

[tempestaslokni]

When Lindi mentioned that they should keep their bracelets close, she had a distant look in her eyes, as if she was seeing something far off that Lokni couldn't. He found himself nodding, "I agree, I don't trust them but I feel like we need them- in a strange sort of way. Do you ever feel like it's a part of you now? Like an extra limb?" Ambling slowly, Lokni was pleasantly surprised that Lindi was following him. He didn't mean to startle her initially, and being out in the wilderness with a stranger was undoubtedly a frightening prospect. Regardless, he was glad that she had decided to trust him. "Perfectly fine by me Miss, I'm in no rush, I was just trying to find my bracelet. Before that I had been just getting a lay of the land- was thinking of setting up camp somewhere off the grid. The bungalows aren't bad, but- I'm not sure, they don't sit right with me either. What about you? While we wait for rescue or whatever's gonna' happen, might as well find a place to bunk." Nodding slowly Lokni replied, "I've a good amount of experience with the outdoors, not as much with forests as plains and valleys. In my line of work, it's a lot of long hours under the sun and up in the saddle. Not a bad life, but you learn a thing or two about life outside of civilization." Lokni's thoughts drifted back to the picturesque valleys and mountains cresting the far reaches of the plains. Something plucked at his heartstrings, a baleful note playing throughout his soul. Who knew if they were ever gonna' get home? He thought solemnly. "Well, what is the place that you're from like? Lots of buildings? Where is home for you?" Lokni asked, trying to make small talk, an American habit no doubt that was hard to kick. Awkward silences made him uneasy. Lindi's ideas about how they were being sustained made Lokni laugh heartily. In a way similar to Miss Palmer, Lindi had an amusing imagination. "You're not wrong about the food being fresh, that was strange. To be honest, I didn't eat any. I just felt that I couldn't trust it. Instead, I went fishing and met this nice lady named Selin." At the memory of Selin Lokni couldn't help but smile brightly. She was easy to talk to, he couldn't deny that he was fond of her. "I managed to catch some crabs. After that, this other guy named Zaid ran up and offered to help. We cooked them together in one of the empty bungalows. Turns out food is pretty damn good when you put effort into making it. Much better than those microwaveable meals." Lokni found he was rambling, but he was hoping that maybe Lindi had met some of the others as well. Lokni wondered if any of the names that he had mentioned would ring any bells for Lindi. "I think that there being tunnels around the island is a little more realistic. There's no snow here for skiing and I'm sure we would hear or see a helicopter." Lokni reasoned, trying to come up with his own theories. Despite his efforts, nothing came to mind. Regardless, he thought that Lindi was on to something, even if she was just airing her thoughts. At her comparison to herself being a magpie, Lokni couldn't help but grin, "being a magpie ain't so bad, they're sharp little things. Curious, but very cunning. I'd put them up there with crows in terms of smarts." Lokni examined his own tiger's eye bracelet, it was certainly far less noticeable than Lindi's beautiful gem. "I'm just surprised that you were able to see this, you've got the eyes of a hawk," he commented as they were approaching the end of the wilderness. Surely, they would see the sprawling view of the bungalows stretched out before them. Lokni was almost disappointed that they would be arriving so soon. He would have liked to talk more. Lindi was nice, but more-so than that, she carried a sort of loneliness with her that resonated with Lokni. He knew what it was like to be alone. He didn't want others to feel that way.

The longer she spent around Lokni, the more Lindi found herself trusting him. (Which… would be just what he wanted of her if he were a serial ki-) She smiled as he complimented her bracelet, demurely waving away his compliments as if they were too much, too much! (She loved flattery.) "Oh, please. It's not like I chose it. It's… weird how everyone's gems are different, don't you think?" Not that Lindi was complaining about the rock on her wrist. Whoever had picked that out for her had her tastes down to a T. She didn't know how to tell Lokni that his gem had a weird glimmering outline like he did, when it was away from him. "I think we should keep them close," she said, the way she would remind Paige to have a special place for her comb instead of losing it around the house. (Oh, she missed Paige…)

Lindi needed a way out of the forest. The aura around Lokni was gentle, an outline of visual snow speckled with prismatic rainbows. She liked him, liked the way he said that he was heading in that direction and she could follow him, how he gave her the out to go see the tower. That cinched her trust in him, especially the careful way he warned her about the unknown creatures and plants. "I'll come with you to the Hub, if that's alright."

"Do you spend much time in forests? I wouldn't have a clue about plants and the whatnot…" She'd gone to Kew Gardens once, because Janice's niece wanted to get her wedding photos taken in the palm house. There had been entirely too much walking, and pretending to be interested in trees and shrubs that didn't have any flowers, but everyone in the mum group had gotten some decent pictures. Lindi had used her photo in front of the orchid wall as her facebook photo for a year.

She frowned at the thought that they were alone here. Lindi waited for Lokni to lead the way, and then followed a step behind him. "I don't know if it's better or worse that we're here alone." Did she bring up the conspiracy she had shared with Chance? About whether someone could be pretending to be clueless waking up aboard the ship? Lindiwe bit on her bottom lip. Maybe she'd bring it up with him after they were out of the woods. "Then again, how was the feast prepared for us if no one is here? That food was freshly cooked. Maybe there are underground tunnels? A hidden helicopter pad? Escape by jet ski?" Lindi spitballed, trying to keep the conversation light and playful.

"Oh, it was nothing, really." Lindi waved off his gratitude for her finding the bracelet. "I'm like a magpie, don't even think about walking past a jewellery store window when you're with me."

[100yearoldcomics]

March 12, 1922 The Captain and the Kids by Rudolph Dirks

[ID: Fritz runs up to der Captain, frantically pointing behind himself. Hans rummagges thorugh the pantry. /end] CaptIN: Vot? A boiglar in diss house? HansL Eeeny-meeny, miney-mon, catch a boiglar by der toe!

[ID: Der Captain puts on his police uniform and startles the robber. In the other room, Hans places a crab into a bucket and shows Fritz. /end] Captain: Hey mister, you can't break in a policeman's house like dot!! Burglar: Huh? Hans: It's a shame to crab der act, but in der long run, maybe it comes cheapest? Fritz: Why?

[ID: As the burglar threatens der Captain, the Kids get to mischief. From an open window above it, Hans grabs the burglar's sack filled with family valuables. Fritz holds up a crab with a pair of tongs. /end] Captain: Who, vot, I ain't a real officer? Sure I am! See dot billy? Vell, sport. Only chenuine police coppers carry dem! Burglar: Aw, quit yet kidding, you ain't a cop. Let's see yer war club a jiffy kid, I'll bet it's made o' paper! Fritz: Hurry Hans, diss crab iss getting crabby!

[ID: Hans, having ripped five holes in the sack and placed the crabs inside, ties it shut while the burglar and der Captain chat. /end] Captain: You bet it ain't, sport! Dot's selected hickory und made to match hard heads. Vun svipe und bing! Down comes McGinty!! Burglar: Honest now, no kidding? Let's see it. I use ter be a lumber jack in a brick yard! Hans: Haw! Vunce a goat, alvays a goat iss der Cap! Fritz: Yup!

[ID: The burglar, holding der Captain's baton, stands behind der Cap, who has taken his police cap off. The burglar examines Cap's shiny bald pate. The Kids stifle laughter in the window. /end] Captain: Sure it matches der noodle! Didn't I said "hard heads"? You know sport, dey don't hire no officers mit heads of blubber! Burglar: You never kin tell. I've met 'em wid just plain bone und no meat! Hans: Dot's der Cap! Fritz: Tvice right!

[ID: The burglar knocks der Captain out with a blow from his own nightstick, cracking it in half with the force. The Kids look on in surprise. The crab sticks its pincers out of the holes in the burglar's sack. /end] Burglar: Much obliged! Well, there's one thing, kid, I'll say you're a good loser!! Hans: Ooh. Fritz: Vot a vallop!

[ID: Der Captain lies dazed on the ground. The burglar stifles a giggle while hoisting his sack up onto his shoulder. The crab's pincers search about. The Kids watch happily from the window. Der Inspector peeks through a curtained doorway and stumbles upon the whole scene. /end] Captain: Tweet, tweet. Tvinkle tvinkle liddle star. Burglar: Smack! So long boh, having no card, I'll have to leave you a finger print! Inspector: ?

[ID: As the crabs begin pinching the burglar about his face and arms, der Inspector bursts forth with a revolver. The Kids look shocked. /end] Burglar: OWIE! Inspector: Hand dem ofer t'ief! Oder I blow full der head mit bullets!!

[ID: The burglar shakes loose his sack and empties it - several crabs fall out, to the surprise of der Inspector. Der Captain wakes from his daze. The Kids laugh uproariously. /end] Burglar: You bet! Here, help yer self, I'm licked!! Inspector: Himmel crabbers! Captain: ?

[ID: The burglar, confused, climbs out the window, directly into an open bear trap the Kids set up. They wait around the corner of the house for the criminal, each holding one of his would-be bounties. Fritz holds a pitcher, Hans an ornamental clock. /end] Burglar: Holy halibut! How in thuh name o'crime did them pinchers git in de swag? Fritz: Hay foot, straw foot. Hans: Hep!

[ID: The bear trap clamps down on the burglar's left shin. The Kids laugh. /end] Burglar: WOW! Fritz: ♫ Der spring it sprung, chust as he sprang ♫

[ID: The scene inside. Der Captain, just woken up, grabs a large club and pulls up his sleeve to give the burglar a good walloping. Der Inspector sits on the floor, clutching his foot in pain. Mama stands over him, shocked. Outside the window, the burglar cries out in pain. Hans escorts der Captain outside to him while Fritz carries the valuables back into the house. /end] Hans: Yup, ve got him mit oudt, Cap! Captain: Good! Und now, you doity loafer, chust vatch vot a clubbing I handle you on der noodle!! Burglar: Owie! Inspector: Ow! Mama: Hey, vot's all diss rumpus in my house?

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from The Little Mermaid sountrack

Look at this stuff

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Look at this trove

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty

I've got whozits and whatzits galore

You want thingamabobs?

I've got twenty!

But who cares?

No big deal

I want more

I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see, wanna see them dancing

Wish I could be part of that world

What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?

They don't reprimand their daughters

Ask 'em my questions and get some answers

When's it my turn?

The human world, it's a mess

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there

But that is a big mistake

Just look at the world around you

Such wonderful things surround you

What more is you looking for?

Darling its better down where its wetter, take it from me

Out in the sun they slave away

One day when the boss get hungry, guess who goin' be on the plate?

We've got no troubles

Life is the bubbles

We've got the spirit

You've got to hear it

It's music to me

It's hotter under the water

Poor souls with no one else to turn to. . .

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways

Poor souls with no one else to turn to. . .

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

You'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

Do I help them?

I help them

Yes I do!

Now, it's happened once or twice someone couldn't pay the price

I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint

On the whole I've been a saint

Don't underestimate the importance of body language!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a girl who gossips is a bore!

It's much preferred for ladies not to say a word

After all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation

True gentlemen avoid it when they can

They dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man

I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad, but true

If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet, you've got the pay the toll

The boss is on a roll!

I serve it up fried

God, I love little fishes, don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate

How on earth could I miss such a sweet little succulent crab?

What a loss!

You belong in the sauce

It won't hurt, cause you're be dead

There you see her, sitting there across the way.

She don't got a lot to say,

There's something about her.

You don't know why, but you're dying to try.

Yes, you want her.

Possible she wants you, too.

There is one way to ask her.

Go on and kiss the girl.

Sing with me now

Looks like the boy too shy

Ain't that sad?

Ain't it a shame, too bad.

He gonna miss the girl.

Now's your moment,

Boy, you better do it soon

No time will be better.

Don't stop now.

Don't try to hide it

Do what the music say.

[welovemonstergirls]

Kyoko, Aoi, Sayaka, Celeste, Junko, Mahiru, Sonia, Kaede and Maki are buried with only their butts sticking out

Huh. Okay, this kiiinda dips into nsfw territory, but there's enough wiggle room here to just go the slapstick route, so what the heck? We'll do it.

Kyoko:

It's one disaster after another for her. For a gumshoe, she proves to be not very surefooted, and winds up tripping and stumbling over branches that may or may not be there. One of them has a beehive attached.

How there's a beehive is beyond her, as it is the middle of freaking winter. When she finally pulls the stupid thing off her head, it's swollen with bumps to the point of looking like a tiny blimp.

This ain't no cup o' noodles, folks. Not nearly as adorable, and much more debilitating. She goes stumbling down a hill because her eyes are swollen shut, and faceplants into a snowdrift at the base of a tree.

Good news, the snow does wonders for the swelling. Bad news, she is embarrassed as hell. She curses herself for wearing a skirt under her winter jacket. Against all odds, and probability, both her upper torso and her legs are submerged in the snowbank. And only her rear end is sticking out from the snow.

So here she is, the Ultimate Detective, floundering for any footing she can get so she is able to dig herself out. It takes a while, but she manages to heave herself out of the snowbank and assume a sense of quiet dignity once again... well, as much dignity as one can have while you're covered in snow and bee stings.

She walks back home without a word, maintaining a neutral expression, and just sits staring at the wall as she tries to process such a weird day.

Aoi:

It's a nice day at the dunes, with a cool breeze coming in from the ocean and a warm sun overhead. The sand isn't as bad as the snow. But it is still coarse, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Aoi Asahina doesn't really seem to care, though, and is taking a break from her five-mile laps in order to do some sand surfing.

Then she hits a rock and is sent flying like a cork in a bottle, her board spiralling through the air alongside her.

The board plants itself perfectly in one of the dunes. Her... not so much. She lands with all for limbs outstretched to break her fall and just. Sinks in. It's the only way one can explain seeing her bottom sticking out of the dune with the rest of her nowhere to be found.

She groans softly into the sand as she processes what just happened. "Not again..." And then a bunch of crabs emerge, angered at this intrusion on their territory and taking out this anger on the posterior protruding from the sand.

Somehow, the sand doesn't really muffle her yelps of pain. Any onlookers are too busy laughing their asses off to help hers out of this predicament.

Eventually, Sakura comes looking for her, knowing she would probably be in the area, and she ends up stepping on her poor friend's exposed butt.

Sakura has absolutely no qualms about using one hand to pull her friend/maybe-more out of the sand before asking only "What do you think you were doing?"

Hina just pouts, tearing up from frustration. "I was just sand surfing and some jerk put a dumb old rock in the dunes. It's the rock's fault, not mine." She whines.

Sayaka:

It's not easy being an idol. You have to maintain a certain weight, have no romantic relationships because you need to stay "available" for your fans, and (as if that wasn't enough), you then have to deal with those fans hounding you. Sayaka Maizono had to deal with this more often than she would like, but she tends to forget rule number one of horror films: Always try to leave the building. Never go up.

She hurriedly pushed the button on the elevator, rode to the top, and rushed to the top of the building, trying various hiding spots to avoid being caught. But they knew... They always knew... Now she was cornered on the roof, backing away veeeeery slowly... And tripping over a pipe, causing her to pitch over the railing with a shriek. The fans freak out, thinking they caused her to plummet to her death, before a legendary splat is heard and they peek down to see just what happened.

Produce. Rotten produce. She fell smack dab into the middle of a dumpster full of the stuff, some would say that they heard her groaning in disgust in spite of the fact that her head was buried and only the back of her navy-blue skirt was showing amidst all the rotten fruit.

The fans can only stare in shock at just what their idol had gotten into. Then the dump truck arrives. Luckily it is not one with a crusher... But it does lift the dumpstee with the idol inside and dump all the contents, Sayaka included, into the back. Amazingly, she lands in the same predicament, only her rear visible, in the mound of trash and filth, and the truck drives off on its merry way.

When she comes out, she is very miffed, very mortified, and very much wearing a half-empty cup o' noodles on her head. If only Naegi and his internet search history were here to see this.

She sees pictures of her butt sticking out of the trash on the internet. She vehemently denies that it was her.

Celestia:

It's fine to be a good gambler. In fact, it's more than fine. Excellent way to make money, always nice to know when your opponents are lying or bluffing. But gloating? That's another story entirely.

Celestia Ludenberg was very prideful. She was very critical of others, and today, she was just in a horrid mood. And so she took it out on her opponent. She was a tiny, petite, cutesy looking girl with a thick Scottish accent and a temper that put Mondo Oowada to absolute shame. And Celeste insulted her relentlessly and viciously.

All it took was a snap of the fingers. Just that one snap, and two very burly men that the wee lass referred to as her "brothers" (no family resemblance) proceeded to pick Celestia up, tuck her winnings down her bodice, and carry her outside. The last thing Celestia heard before the door slammed shut behind her was "Galoshes may be a tad too kind, lads."

She thrashed about, screaming and ranting. "Put me down, you bastards! You can't do this, I'm a freaking lady!" Screw dignity, she is being manhandled! They don't even react. They just open the door and throw her out. There is a loud splat.

Outside, it appears, is a rather large construction site, and she quickly sank into the concrete as if it were a cartoon version of quicksand. Soon, only her rump and a flag of lace from her skirt marked her presence.

The workers look over in annoyance at whatever ruined the quick hardening cement, but they freeze at the feminine rear end sticking out. One of them tentatively pokes it... And then her rage breaks.

They see the concrete churning like a hot spring, and know that they have disturbed a demon. For her part, Celestia is at least trying to get out and pimpsmack the shiznit out of the person that so impudently prodded her buttocks, but the construction workers don't see it that way.

The cement actually begins to crack and eventually it shatters. The enraged goth slowly rises up, her eyes glowing a demonic red... And then the mixer promptly dumps more cement on her.

She shambles back to her apartment and manages to take a shower where she's able to get most of the concrete off of her... but it clogs the drain. Fortunately for her, at least, she's able to beat the superintendent in a game of cards for it. Sixes full of sevens full house.

Junko:

When it comes to Ya Gal Junko Enoshima, it's a hard time separating what she wants with what one would think she wants.In this case, she managed to get both as she meandered into a factory that harvested manure and manufactured organic fertilizer.

What did she need such a thing for? Why, for an execution of course! She was probably going to use it on that Makoto kid. She never liked him and his stupid hope speeches...

Honestly, the more hope that they had, the harder Despair would hit them in the end. She was giggling to herself about this when she missed her step and fell directly into an incomplete pile of fertilizer.

It was a long way down from the catwalk. Yet she did not scream. In fact, upon realizing what was about to happen, her mouth formed into that twisted 'despair grin'. When she lands in the massive pile, the stuff goes flying everywhere.

And that's *before* she gets the next part of the batch dumped on her, leaving only a plaid-skirted bottom exposed. Hell, does that thing even qualify as a skirt anymore with how much it is currently exposing? Junko is disgusted, humiliated, horrified by her predicament... And she absolutely LOVES it.

Some of the workers come by and start to dig her out, then hear her laughing and decide "You know what? She's clearly having a good time. Let's just leave her there for a little while longer" She ends up staying there for the entire night, and Mukuro has to come collect her.  

Mahiru:

Mahiru Koizumi didn't tend towards nature photography for a very simple reason: You had to be outside *a lot* and far away from any form of amenities that could have made life more comfortable. That meant bug bites, rashes from irritating plants, and having to spend a lot of time chasing her quarry deeper and deeper into the wilderness.

But this bird was just so fascinating, she HAD to get some good pictures of it! It was huge, and it had the most bizarre birdcall... "Meep meep!" Ah. There it was.

It seemed to taunt her, dashing deeper and deeper into the badlands, and she chased after it, suffering one unfortunate turn after another. It all came to a head when she chased after it into a cloud of dust, then tentatively reached down below her feet to feel the ground, only to find nothing.

She blinked in surprise at the unusual sensation. Then she slowly looked down before looking back up with a terrified expression on her face. Then, she fell all the way down the five story cliff and hit the ground with a thud.

Fortunately, there wasn't ground below, but a riverbed, and the water combined with the mud underneath was enough to cushion her fall. However, the fall left her in a very undignified position.

Her rear end was the only thing visible from the muddy ground. Confused, she wiggled a bit before realizing what had happened. At that moment, her camera hit the ground and snapped a photo of her. Fortunately, she was at least able to delete it before it went public.

Sonia:

Preparing for a coronation was always a tedious task, with the arrangements of the amenities, who to invite in order to not offend the country's closest allies, and... well, organizing the banquet. Sonia preferred to oversee everything herself, and her inspection was going swimmingly, so far.

The appetizers were great, the main course was divine, but... she wondered if perhaps she went a little bit overboard on the size of the cake. She needed a ladder to perform the full inspection, and nobody thought about OSHA compliance as she did so. As such, she was standing at the very top of a ladder with nobody bracing it at the bottom.

"Hmm... Perhaps I should have been more clear with what I wanted... A cake this size would be difficult to properly portion and could lead to some inconvenient-" Then the ladder falls and she shrieks as she falls into the baked good.

The results are predictable. The baker is mortified, everyone is scared that they are going to lose their jobs, and only the grey pleats of Sonia's skirt are visible as her tuchus protrudes from the ruined cake.

Sonia is crying in her predicament. "I am ruined! I can never show my face again! A true princess would never suffer such indignity- Goodness, this cake is delicious..."

She then starts raving about the cake and her queenly demeanor is enough to make people forget entirely about the fact that she was just in a potentially compromising position.

Kaede:

Kaede Akamatsu wasn't exactly uncoordinated. It's just that a lot of her coordination was situated in her hands rather than anywhere else. While she was a serviceable ice skater, she wasn't exactly the best in the world, and weird things can happen on the ice.

For example, who put a snowman smack in the middle of the ice? The girl didn't even have a second to process it before collision.

To top it all off, it was a very large snowman, large enough that the whole thing collapsed on her and left her struggling to get out from under a massive mound of snow. The only indication that she was there in the first place was the occasional shifting of the snowman's ruins and a pink skirt covered in a musical staff

She was incredibly embarrassed at this predicament. No doubt everyone was staring at her butt now... And to add insult to injury, the top hat and coal eyes fell down perfectly atop her rump.

It made for something that could almost be called a face, what with the way the staff of music on her skirt formed a curve, but it didn't last long as several people moved to help.

Of course, several more posted pictures online... She was able to laugh it off. She was a good sport. 

Maki:

It was a quiet night, and she'd just finished putting the last kiddo to sleep. A large copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales was tucked under her arm as she crept out of the room. Maki was at least able to stay silent, despite the creaky floorboards, but she wasn't able to anticipate the fire truck.

She managed to keep herself from screaming as she was sent skidding across the room. She had experienced stranger things in her day. She just slid through the orphanage with her improv roller skate until she reached the front door. The doorstop stops the truck. She goes flying out into the garden. All the while, she just looks completely done.

She is not amused, especially when she faceplants into a flowerbed of daffodils. Poor Maki is left in a loser's version of Downward Dog, with the grey miniskirt poking out from the mess of yellow flowers, the rest of her stuck in the dirt.

Her posterior wiggles slightly before she sighs. "I am too tired for this crap..." Then she just decides to go to sleep right there. She wakes up to the kids poking her rear.

She gets up with several flowers sticking out of her hair and a face covered in dirt, but she really doesn't care. It's off to the showers with her, not a word to the kids

[the-firebird69]

There's a couple empty lots that they can dig a trench and this area would not be flooded and they won't do it because they're inept and they're being mean on purpose and some of them live in the neighborhood and they don't care cuz I have trucks so he heard him say it and we said you even know why he's doing it I said no I said okay so I said it's like something you dig a trench with. And so they're looking around and they can't figure it out they get mad a little b****** and they start figuring out something these shapes mean something and then they said okay then they said oh no and it said wow so we're sitting here and we're sitting ducks on purpose and then they notice people are being hauled out dead and they don't know why and all sudden they said we're in trouble we're a bunch of assholes and they started working and they couldn't handle it so we put it out there and it's a lot of people who are in trouble and there's a lot of death in town and they ain't coming back and it's like 300 people so far that Tommy f is murdered

And the governor got it and said well this is opportunity and he's trying to do something and he can't and he's stuck and he did notify people and there's an emergency. And it is going according to their plan for the crabs cuz he says we missed and he's mad and he wants to drive the crabs down

There's more things happening and shortly we will start working on this a lot more it's flooded out and doesn't want to be

Thor Freya

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jesse

Jac: [Okay, so it's year 2, so she would be just 18 and Jesse would be just 17, it's their last year of school and exams are looming etc etc, all the behaviour has become business as usual so everyone would've just stopped freaking out as hard because you'd wear yourself out otherwise it isn't sustainable, I'm vibing that this is around Christmas time, just because I'm cruel and then we can use the worried Xmas picture LMAO] Jesse: [I like that because then it's not that far into school year 2 aka close to uni looming but it has been ages since her and Amelia started their whole fwb bs so a mood] Jac: [I think it makes sense because it's like, a year since everything started really so it's as raw in a weird way 'cos it's like a shit anniversary lol] Jesse: [agreed, soz boy that I haven't fleshed you out enough to know what's been going in your life for this year besides fame] Jac: [you can be vague, at least, because this convo will not be about you, fill in the blanks later, not all of us are wilding all the time] Jesse: [and not all of us are oversharers like Savannah lol he'd be keeping shit to himself even if it was all kicking off] Jac: [true tea, anyway, I will start this] Jac: Hey, where are you? Jesse: [somewhere he likes to go to write and generally have privacy] Jac: Oh, okay Jac: never mind, it's cool Jesse: ? Jac: I just was gonna ask Jac: well, I don't know what I was gonna ask actually so yeah, ignore this Jesse: What's wrong? Jac: I looked and I couldn't find it Jac: but it was kind of a hole so maybe I just missed it Jac: but I was sick loads and loads I had to get off the bus so I know that's gone Jesse: hang on, what? Jac: You know Jac: I'm not a total mess Jac: I always make sure, after Jac: even if I'm super gone, I've never forgot Jesse: alright Jesse: stop talking in riddles for a sec, I dunno what you're going on about Jac: I went to this party, a week ago Jac: no Jac: more like two, fuck, three? Jac: I don't know, but anyway Jac: I remember looking for a condom in the bin on the floor in the sheets whatever Jac: and I remember because I didn't find one so it got through the haze Jac: and then when I was coming home I was sick and I'd literally just dry-swallowed my pill 'cos I keep them in my bag or my bra or whatever I've got on me Jesse: Fuck Jesse: alright, we can sort this Jac: Where do I go? is it the GP or do I have to go to one of those clinics? Jesse: I'm having a look Jesse: where are you now? Jac: I don't want to go to the doctors Jac: can they tell mum and dad Jac: it's meant to be patient confidentiality but literally everyone found out when Millie H got crabs Jesse: you don't have to do nowt you don't want Jesse: I'll figure something out Jac: I don't have no one else to ask Jac: sorry Jesse: shut up Jesse: you don't need to ask anyone else, I'll sort it Jac: I don't know why I didn't get the morning after Jac: well I do but it's so fucking stupid to say it now Jesse: you never said where you were Jac: just got out of work Jesse: I'll be there as soon as Jesse: get a ☕ Jac: I feel like all of my insides are gonna come out Jac: this is bad Jac: what the fuck am I gonna do, Jess Jesse: don't start, you'll do your own head in before owt's even happened Jac: how the fuck does this even happen Jac: it's ridiculous Jesse: [sends her whatever he's been working on like distract yourself with telling me how crap this is etc] Jac: What are you doing Jesse: what kind of question is that? Jesse: just sent you it Jac: why Jac: I don't have the time or desire to listen to that right now Jesse: are you waiting for me or what? Jac: I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if you got the general vibe of my messages Jesse: sit down for a bit Jac: fine Jesse: It'll be alright Jesse: I know where we're going Jac: that's the first step in this marathon shitshow, I suppose Jesse: 👍 Jac: your downplay isn't really helping, just so you know Jesse: we can't both lose it, dickhead Jac: if there's a time for it, it's now Jesse: might be in a bit, not now Jac: so you're waiting for your moment, okay Jesse: that alright with you? Jac: not really Jac: but whatever, it's the least of my problems now Jesse: you're 18, they can't say nowt to ma and da that's one less Jac: oh, true Jac: thank god I waited 'til after September to ruin my life then Jac: as long as the receptionists don't catch wind Jesse: they won't give it me, as a lad case I were forcing it down some lass's throat against her will Jac: what do you mean Jesse: if I could just leg it in there for you I would Jac: obviously you can't Jac: we don't know if it's even happened Jac: or what I'm gonna do if it has Jesse: yeah Jac: you're thinking of morning after Jac: but they don't give that to blokes now either Jesse: about as much I know about this, that Jac: have much experience then Jesse: not really Jac: you'd know if you had Jac: probably wait 'til you've earnt more money to rinse you of it Jesse: sounds about right Jac: not worth the negatives at this stage Jesse: tah Jac: not me doing you a favour by not getting pregnant Jesse: obviously Jac: 🙄 Jesse: 🙄 Jac: shut up Jac: you're so annoying Jesse: 🤐 Jac: ugh Jac: you say nothing yet you still say the wrong thing Jac: it'd be a skill if it wasn't clearly the opposite Jesse: what's the right thing? Jac: If I knew that there'd be no need for you or the conversation Jesse: come on Jac: what? Jesse: you reckon I'm getting it wrong, you must have some clue what ain't Jac: I don't Jac: you're just Jac: I don't know Jesse: say it Jesse: might make you feel less shit Jac: ha Jac: wouldn't that be nice Jac: miraculous, even Jesse: 🎄🎅 Jac: I wasn't looking to be the next Mary, tah Jesse: that were Jude's role in the nativity, not yours Jac: her years seriously lacking in talent Jesse: Dunno how top we can say ours is for having me stick a tea towel on my head Jac: it's not a musical Jac: the shit film was made Jesse: could've been if they'd let me have any lines instead of that 🐑 to chuck about Jac: as damning as this glimpse into your psyche is Jac: you really think you chatting about 4 year olds singing silent night is the thing I need right now Jesse: alright, kids ain't the ideal subject Jesse: I get it Jac: no shit Jac: you all do my head in with this shit Jac: honestly, peaking at vaguely racial costuming is the saddest thing I've ever heard Jac: and my life is currently in the toilet Jesse: piss off have I peaked at owt Jesse: ain't even properly packed for my gig yet, like Jac: it's you who's bitter at being snubbed for joseph Jac: no need to read between the lines, dickhead Jesse: never said that Jesse: he was well fit and had 🥇 line delivery Jac: don't be disgusting Jac: I don't know why you even remember these things, any of you Jesse: leave it out Jac: you Jesse: it's bollocks that you're saying you don't Jac: I don't Jac: and I don't care either Jac: and if I have to spend one more minute around you chuntering on about this shit that doesn't matter and never did Jac: I'm actually going to scream Jesse: go for it Jesse: I'm here now, you can properly aim it at me Jac: [just staring him down to make a point of looking at him like #unphased 'you got an appointment?'] Jesse: [we just nodding like yep let's go but not moving because we're rushing no bitch especially not for something like this] Jac: [obviously walking in whatever direction we need to] Jesse: [love a silence that should be awkward but is actually comfortable] Jac: [for you anyway but us losing our mind be happening regardless so yeah] Jesse: [we know he is too but shh because now is not the time for you to be scared sir] Jac: [get this appointment done so you can go away and think about what you're doing] Jesse: [hit her with the feelsy JJ lean while you're waiting so she knows you care though thank you] Jac: [just getting out of there like 'I wanna go to work but I've only just left and they're shut' no place to go casually] Jesse: [he should take her somewhere feelsy even if it is because it's not, if that makes sense, like for it's normality] Jesse: [I'd suggest his work but that's unlikely to be shut unless they had that appointment at a really weird hour lol] Jesse: [somewhere she'd actually appreciate being rn is the point anyway] Jac: [we'll just go anywhere rn 'cos truly nowhere else to go] Jesse: [even if he's just driving/walking you around aimlessly, we're giving you time to think gal] Jac: [we're just scrolling furiously through our phone right now to the socials/texts from said night] Jesse: [meanwhile he's ignoring his because we blatantly have shit that we're supposed to be doing that we're obviously not] Jac: [thrusting the phone in his face casually with a picture of this dude like it means anything 'do I call him now?'] Jesse: [a look like do you want to because we don't know this dude and even if we did it's up to her if she wants to have that convo with him or not] Jac: [when you do that pause like well, elaborate please] Jesse: ['it don't need to be now' cos it really doesn't like you literally just found out and are probably in shock] Jac: [nods like okay 'so what am I doing now?' we literally just wanna be told what to do] Jesse: [we're taking her to get sugary tea and some food even if she doesn't eat or drink it, leading her there like she is a bub] Jac: [probably automatically eating and drinking without complaint we are that out of it] Jesse: [it's okay he's got enough wits about him to go somewhere where they won't run into millions of people they know because not rn thank you] Jac: [just a ball of energy because we need to do something but what can you right now] Jesse: [such a bobbing lil leg under that table, both of y'all] Jac: ['this is not-' shakes head] Jesse: [just looking at her like what because not the time either to put words in her mouth] Jac: ['this was not in my plan'] Jesse: ['do you wanna stick to the one you had or have a different crack at it?'] Jac: ['if it were that easy-' face like it'd be done and we wouldn't be sat here] Jesse: [nods and drinks that tea] Jac: ['this changes it regardless' letting that sit there and sink in] Jesse: [let it hit him how big of a deal this actually is because up until now we haven't let ourselves think about it/have been focused on the minute by minute actions of all this] Jac: ['no matter what I do'] Jesse: ['I'll be about no matter what' like love you babe always gonna be here for you 'dead comforting that, yeah?'] Jac: [scoffs 'yeah, condemning everyone to the same life sentence of an unwanted child about or the gnawing guilt of murdering it is exactly what I wanted'] Jesse: ['murder's a bit strong'] Jac: [shrugs 'not really'] Jesse: [shrugs back like if that's what you reckon] Jac: ['I know what you reckon I should do, alright'] Jesse: [a look like yeah obviously because I think you should do what's right for you] Jac: ['well it isn't that fucking simple, Jesse, so just' the hand mime that's like closing your fingers like sh] Jesse: [mimes the 🤐] Jac: ['you might not say much but you're loud with it, I know you, remember'] Jesse: [a look back like and I know you too] Jac: ['he already has some'] Jesse: [😒 because how old is this man tbh and who is he we don't stan] Jac: ['not like I knew at the time, but I've checked him out since, obviously'] Jesse: [gestures like gimme your phone so I can look] Jac: [does, he can easily be in his 20s and my vibe is a kid when he was like 17/18 and then one a few years later] Jesse: [just stalking this dude and drinking our tea, looks fun and casual but isn't] Jac: ['he has a right to know, right?' like genuinely ?] Jesse: ['Probably, but I ain't gonna force you to tell him if you don't want to'] Jac: ['you aren't going to force me to do anything, or anyone else; but morally...' shrugs 'it'd be better not to know, in loads of ways'] Jesse: ['Did he say owt to you after?' because there is that condom uncertainty so like did he wanna follow up is our question or was he not bothered] Jac: ['no, I don't know him' like duh 'I had to ask Darla his name'] Jesse: [a look like there you go then, don't worry too much about him rn because clearly he ain't worried about if he got your pregnant or not] Jac: [🙄 'obviously it's not a concern until it happens, that's kind of the point'] Jesse: [🙄 back because it is a concern before it happens for loads of people but whatever] Jac: ['is this helpful? he didn't wear a condom, that doesn't mean he doesn't wanna be or deserve to be contacted, by that rhetoric the only people who would would be the ones you didn't need to'] Jesse: ['never said it did, and I never said don't bother contacting him'] Jac: ['just because you don't vocalize it, doesn't get you out of any responsibility for implying it with what you don't, for fuck's sake, when are you gonna grow a backbone?'] Jesse: 'what I vocalised were it don't have to happen right the fuck now and it don't, take a sec for fuck's sake'] Jac: ['no because we're on a fucking timeline here, we don't have a sec!' raising our voice assumedly higher than the hushed tones we've been keeping] Jesse: [putting a hand on her arm like calm down but not a patronising calm down just like the equivalent of the JJ soft hey but not in words] Jac: ['no' and pushing his hand away but in a more calm manner not aggressively so 'the longer you delay this the worse it gets, it has to be dealt with now'] Jesse: [eye contact because we will not be fobbed off hen 'I get that but you only found out about an hour ago, like'] Jac: ['I fail to see the point in meditating on it, like' looking back obvs 'and anyway, the fact remains I still DON'T know what I'm going to do so you've got what you want there anyway'] Jesse: [a look like don't be a dickhead 'you don't reckon you might be in a bit of shock or whatever, nah?' but it's not a question cos we know you are and then a look like you can piss right off if you think this is what I want] Jac: ['and what? if I sleep on it this will be any less of a life-changing, earth-shattering shock?' shakes head like don't be stupid] Jesse: [a sigh because we don't know what to do or what to say] Jac: ['it's very sweet of you to want to fix this-' our tone suggests we think otherwise lol '-but that ain't why I called you'] Jesse: [a look like yeah no shit because we know she didn't have anyone else to call] Jac: ['I literally just need you to help me make the decision and then be there, not make me fucking okay with it, that isn't what this is'] Jesse: ['alright' genuinely we do mean it] Jac: ['thank you' big sigh] Jesse: [getting more tea for you both, it won't fix it but it is our love language] Jac: [just be having a google about all the possible things you could ever need to know for every available option] Jesse: [you too boy while you're waiting for that tea because why not] Jac: [casually terrifying ourselves lol but necessary evil 'cos yeah, can't not do this shit 'I hope you feel fucking lucky not to have a uterus'] Jesse: [nodding because we do after all this googling if we didn't before] Jac: [ah the biological unfairness of being born a girl lol] Jesse: [I hate it and all I've had to deal with are periods so] Jac: [literally being a straight girl/girl who has sex with men is lowkey mental torture like constant worry and if it does happen any outcome is bad like] Jesse: [agreed and y'all are gonna have to go home eventually and that upsets me to think about] Jac: [let us say that's hit you rn bitch 'what are we gonna...am I gonna say? I don't-' we mean speak 'cos literally tis the season lol] Jesse: [when that hits you then because again there's no right answer to this 'if you owt to be said, I can'] Jesse: [*want] Jac: ['I don't want it but-' a massive pause whilst we try to get our voice back to how it usually sounds and not straining 'cos you're about to cry 'cos we don't want that, then when you speak again it's barely audible '- how many more secrets am I expected to carry'] Jesse: [scoots his chair as close to her as he physically can because it's time for another feelsy lean that means 1. I love you 2. you can tell me anything 3. most importantly you can tell this whole fam literally anything even Jude who is a lot] Jac: [shakes head like clearly not but we don't move away] Jesse: [letting this moment happen because it's been so long for you both] Jac: [literally a year in all the senses lol] Jesse: [soz that we've done this to you lads] Jac: ['I don't think I can do any of this'] Jesse: ['you ain't got a choice, not to sit back and do nowt, I mean'] Jac: ['I know'] Jesse: [pushes her tea towards her like drink up because again it's our love language and they can't stay forever] Jac: [at least there's an excuse to go to the bathroom and filmically have a moment] Jesse: [and at least when they get home she's in the basement so he can be doing music shit  lowkey all night without it being blatant that he's checking on her] Jac: [we can skipperoo to that] Jesse: [agreed] Jac: [say that she was out of work 5 ish, say that took an hour at the least two at the most, they get home 7 ish, this is like late/early AM] Jac: Are you awake? Jesse: 👍 Jesse: [strums a note on the guitar or presses one on the keyboard like hello] Jac: I thought you were meant to be talented Jesse: where'd you hear that? Jesse: sounds like a load of bollocks Jac: Probably Jac: isn't everything on the 'gram Jesse: ✔ Jac: you'll have to come with me Jesse: Alright Jac: I just need to decide how to do it Jac: obviously I can't have it Jesse: did you work out how many weeks ago it were? Jac: three Jesse: I can give 'em a ring in a few hours, see how long you'll have to wait to get an appointment Jac: it can be up to 2 weeks Jac: that's what it says Jesse: I'll take the first one they offer us Jac: maybe that's to get it done Jac: it's all confusing Jac: and you can get the pills online and they won't prosecute you now but I still don't know how safe or fast that'll be either Jesse: soon as I can speak to someone, I'll ask whatever we ain't worked out Jac: pills have to be faster, even if they have to order them in, that's only a day or two Jac: two weeks is too long Jac: but the operation might be less scary Jac: I don't know Jesse: [sends her whatever he can find about people's actual experiences even though it's probably terrifying because the only way to really decide] Jac: I don't want to do this Jesse: I know Jac: this is why everyone does it Jac: has the kids Jac: I can't do this Jesse: can you do that though? Jac: I can't do any of this Jesse: not to be a dickhead, but you have to Jac: I know that Jesse: [playing some kind of song from their childhood whether that's a JJ or grandma Ali mood like this will comfort us while we ponder] Jesse: I dunno about waiting times for it but if you want it over and done sooner, the operation takes less time Jesse: couple of hours and you'll be back home Jac: yeah Jac: the pills can take days Jac: and you have to make sure it all comes away what if it doesn't Jac: how would I know what's too much blood Jesse: you'd have to call 'em or I would Jac: I wish they'd knock you out for the operation Jac: that's all Jesse: yeah, I get that Jac: it's punishment anyway Jac: there's no lesser it's just picking one and sticking to it Jesse: are you gonna tell anyone else, other than me and him? Jac: I don't know Jac: there's no point, I guess Jesse: might be a bit of a headfuck doing the 2nd pill at home if ma and da don't know, all I were thinking Jesse: but we could go somewhere else Jac: I don't want them to know Jac: I wish I didn't know Jesse: Alright Jac: when it's over forget you ever did Jesse: come on Jac: keep it to yourself then Jac: I don't want to talk about it Jesse: you might and I'll be about if you do Jesse: don't mean I'll be shouting about it Jac: nah Jesse: up to you, that Jac: just leave it Jesse: I heard you Jesse: I'll leave it out Jac: Good Jesse: ☕? Jac: no thanks Jac: I don't need stained teeth as well as a ruined womb Jesse: I'll pick you up a whitening kit when I go work in a bit Jac: 🙄 Jac: can't really drink tea through a straw like you can your coffee Jesse: if you're willing to look like a twat you can do owt Jesse: nobody's about to 👀 any road Jesse: I've had customers cracking on with all sorts Jac: I'd sooner be found dead in a ditch than be one of your customers Jesse: charming Jac: like it weren't obvious Jesse: never said it weren't Jesse: still a bit rude Jac: what, that I'm not a pretentious hipster that likes to pretend shit music is amazing and everyone else is too stupid to get it Jesse: that you'd rather 💀 than have a ☕ off me Jac: I don't know why you'd expect different Jesse: I never said that either Jac: then why say anything at all Jesse: 🤐 Jac: about right Jesse: 🤏 Jac: what does that even mean Jesse: it'll do Jac: whatever Jac: not as if there's any choice in the matter Jesse: what does that mean? Jac: you're annoying and you've got nothing to say Jac: that's just how it is Jesse: alright then Jac: yeah, case in point Jesse: suits you often enough that it's the case Jac: yeah, love that I hate you all Jac: it's a right laugh Jesse: for us an' all Jac: as I said, no choice in the matter Jac: just get on with it Jesse: 👍 Jac: I'll do the pills Jesse: I'll be about Jac: whatever Jesse: you've gotta have somebody with you Jac: I'm sure plenty didn't and don't Jac: if it gets to much, call an ambulance Jesse: you heard, I'll be here Jac: and I said, whatever Jesse: let me know when then Jac: 👍 Jesse: 👌 Jac: no, it's not Jesse: no shit Jac: so quit with this shit and acting like it is Jesse: you Jac: I'm not Jac: I just wanna face my time and do it Jesse: I'm getting my head round it Jac: why? Jac: what's to get, it won't be here Jesse: that's to get if nowt else Jesse: you've gotta do this Jac: so, that has nothing to do with you Jac: it's my mistake my problem Jesse: all that shit I've read ain't just going in one 👂 and out the other Jesse: and it don't have to be my mistake or problem for me to be bothered Jac: then don't get someone pregnant Jac: really welcome for the cautionary tale Jesse: tah Jac: just go away and go to bed Jesse: I ain't finished, there'll be sod all point going to bed when I am Jac: great Jesse: I'll live Jac: I don't care about you Jac: I'm trying to sleep Jesse: crack on then Jesse: I won't stop you Jac: I can't sleep when you're down here Jesse: alright, I'll piss off Jac: thank you Jesse: night Jac: yep Jac: [the next day/day after potentially] Jac: I got the pills Jac: if you're still interested Jesse: they give you the 1st one at the clinic or what? Jesse: how I read it Jac: then you know Jac: I'm gonna fake an abortion for your attention? Jac: obviously not Jesse: piss off Jac: I'm not in the mood Jesse: I'd have gone with you Jac: no need Jesse: do you need picking up now? Jac: I had a cab Jac: they make sure you aren't gonna get off in a car and crash or whatever Jesse: you home? Jac: where else Jesse: is anyone else about or what? Jac: yeah, if you didn't want to do this Jac: you should've said from the start Jac: then I wouldn't have bothered with any of this Jesse: if you'd have said you were doing it I'd be there waiting for you Jac: forget it Jac: you're more of a hindrance than a help Jesse: for not being a 🧠📖 yeah alright Jac: no, for making this remotely about you Jac: and being such a fucking pushover Jac: sometimes, you don't take no for an answer Jac: I was fucking terrified last night and you just left Jac: so fuck you, I don't need you now Jesse: you told me to leave Jac: and? Jac: I can't do this right now, Jesse Jac: I'm literally fucking killing my baby as we speak and you still wanna say you were just doing what I said, anything for an easy life Jac: you're not my problem now, I shouldn't have picked you, simple as Jesse: well you fucking did pick me Jesse: and you know why Jesse: that's about you, not me Jac: because at one point you could be fucking relied upon Jac: my mistake you're actually useless now, well great, thank you SO much Jesse: I got it wrong Jesse: I'm sorry Jac: I needed you to break through Jac: at least try, my God Jesse: I thought you needed space Jesse: I don't know Jac: I don't have enough of that Jac: it's convenient for you to all leave me alone now Jac: you don't like me, whatever Jac: I just needed you to put that aside for this Jesse: piss off, I've fucking tried for a year Jesse: I don't know how to do this with you any more, I don't know you Jac: this isn't run of the mill Jac: it's pretty special circumstances Jac: it is to me Jesse: tah for that, I hadn't realised Jesse: fucking hell Jac: can you just stop Jesse: yeah Jac: Are you gonna come home or what? Jesse: I'm on my way Jac: okay Jesse: is anyone else there or what? Jac: I think Cammie and Jameson were but I just came straight down so they didn't try to talk to me Jac: they might've gone by now Jesse: I'll come in that way Jac: I wasn't just being a bitch, by the way Jac: I bled through the pad I put on Jesse: it don't matter if you were, they'll live Jesse: do you need me to get you anything? Jac: they're used to it too Jac: I've got the painkillers Jesse: I'll just hurry up then Jac: won't be going anywhere Jesse: [we're not saying anything because we're hurrying lol] Jac: [fairplay hen] Jesse: [is gonna bring her loads of things that she could possibly want though obvs to a laughable degree] Jac: [a hot water bottle is a good idea so say you thought of that lol] Jesse: [yeah, cue montage of him giving her a comical amount of things that she lowkey doesn't want or need but there will be some useful shit in there too] Jac: [okay so just watched a quick video, and the worst is infection, sepsis as very worst, it not all coming away, or the tablets not working and this is worked out by going through more than 2 pads an hour with blood, a bad smell down there, a really high fever and the pain not being helped like at all by pain relief methods; we'll let that not happen because it is enough lol, so the basics are severe pain, cramps and blood, nausea, vomiting, diarhea, being shivery hot, you pass tissue and clots and this is meant to take 1-2 days but can last TIL YOUR NEXT PERIOD, the cramps also last about TWO WEEKS, pregnancy symptoms should ease after a couple of days, like being sick, but you can still have tender breasts for several weeks, you can't take the test to confirm the pregnancy is terminated 'til THREE WEEKS later, because the hormones stay around, you aren't allowed sex for 2 weeks BUT IF YOU DO YOU CAN GET PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY AFTER AN ABORTION but like we won't be, you're also not allowed to bath for 2 days and if you have a shower you have to have someone there in case you faint] Jac: [thought we should have this v basic rundown] Jesse: [thank god he is there and not leaving her for a bloody second because I can't even] Jac: [this is what we say when nobody WANTS an abortion hun, this is brutal, we're so rude] Jesse: [worst christmas ever] Jac: [yeah this tops last year and yours before that Amelia, not that we having a competition but hey ho] Jesse: [also thank god that we said that birthday flower drama happened and they broke up so Amelia isn't there casually like oh hey] Jac: [I was thinking if we do want her to know/be real drama, she could try to hit her up, it is Christmas lol] Jesse: [yeah that's always an option because she'll never get you pregnant hun] Jac: [oops, I meant that the other way around, did not write that properly, like Amelia tryna be a bit casual like hey don't be mad it's Xmas and then Jac could flip and it'll obviously be more than the flowers] Jesse: [well that makes sense because it's Amelia she's probably bought her a christmas gift yet again lol] Jac: [that was my vibe lol, god knows how my boo will be feelsy/rude with that] Jesse: [I was thinking she should get her another gay book that relates to their life like she did last year but like folded up inside is a portrait cos she hasn't done one of her since that one when they were like tweens] Jac: [you can find a list I bet, at least you don't know about the gay baby there isn't, that would be too close to the nose] Jesse: [blatantly like a chanel lipstick because we got the lip balm a year before, a theme so yeah leave that for the bae like you did last year] Jac: [a vibey vibe tbh, soz you do not know what you're coming into] Jac: [but yes, this is gonna be a bonding moment for you two, because it'll stop being like let's talk about it and you'll just have to do it, at least 2 days of the worst, you'll have to distract and comfort anywhich ways you can think of, probably lots of old movies and eating comforting junk, I'm just deciding if we tell JJ ourself or make Jesse rn hmm] Jesse: [I love that for you two even though it has to be in such horrible circumstances, I think he should do it because they'll blatantly still speak to her but at least she won't have to start the convo herself] Jac: [yeah, that makes sense as a moment 'cos we aren't stupid and this is gonna be suspish to all of us but at least then we can keep the other kids mainly Jude from being like HEWWO] Jesse: [yeah because Jude is the last thing we need rn no offense hen but he's literally not leaving her and even he isn't the music bit THAT much plus we said he had a show that he's just skipping which Jude would probably know so she'd be like ??! if not] Jac: [like, I'm down for mentioning that is a thing or having her come into the inbox but we don't need it to get to deathcon 5 levels, like we don't have the energy so she'd just be ignored and I won't make you self-RP] Jesse: [we know it's a thing and we know the vibe] Jac: [mhmm, like at the minute we've probably simply forgotten but we will circle back 'round when we're not quite so in traumatic shock] Jesse: [poor Jude just like why is everyone ignoring me, god bless] Jac: [lmao GIMME THAT ATTENTION, truly JJ I dunno how you tell someone to stop without giving up the info but you've gotta somehow] Jesse: [distract her somehow lads, it's nearly christmas there is shit you can do] Jac: [just going on a suspish amount of Christmas activities haha i live] Jesse: [I feel bad for you hen but like all will become clear one day] Jac: [sadly how it's gonna be]

[black-is-beautiful18]

Royalty-3

Staring up at the night sky I sigh." Do you think Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner will find anything?" I ask Peter who lays next to me." Maybe. Maybe not. Just don't be afraid of it." He says softly as he looks at me. I look back at him and smile softly." Never. I love what I can do...It's me that's the problem." I whisper the last part glad that Peter didn't hear me.

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Meanwhile, the same mysterious woman from before watches the two teens from a distance, but this time she is flanked by a woman and man. Their brown skin and white hair seeming to glow in the moonlight. The woman tilts her head to the side showing off wickedly sharp fangs as she smiles." Well ain't that cute? My little honey bee has found someone that she cares for....Bring her to me. Bring the boy as well." With a nod the man and woman are off in a flash going to follow their mistress command.

*******************

Ugh. What the hell is going on? My eyes open to what appears to be a fancy hotel room. Confused, I look around and notice that I'm laying next to Peter....I'm laying next to Peter?! I quickly sit up and get out of bed. I take a deep breath and take the chance to look around once more. This room must cost as much as my mama's wedding ring, especially since this doesn't seem to be the only part of the entire suite.

Walking over to the door I try to open it, but the door doesn't budge." Reign? Where are we?" I turn to see Peter now sitting up in bed looking at me in confusion." Beats me. The door is locked though." I shrug as I walk over to the bed and sit down." Well aren't we gonna do something? Do I need to put on my suit? Why are you so calm about this? I'm honestly freaking out a bit."

I laugh and shake my head." I don't know Parker, but I can tell you that whoever brought us here isn't exactly hostile. Now are they gonna be? I'm not sure, but I think we should hear them out." I have no idea why I said that, but that really is how I feel. I don't feel threatened so I see not problem in seeing who this person is.

As Peter is about to say something there's a click and the door opens revealing a black woman, her locs up out of her face and she wears a simple black gown." You're awake. Good." She says happily as she carries a tray." I wasn't exactly sure what you little spiderlings wanted, so I thought some good ol fashioned gumbo would wake you two up." Her southern accent makes her sound so innocent, but I'm sure she can be very deadly.

Peter and I glance at each other both of us silently asking the same question. How on earth did we get here, and who is this lady." Um...Thank you?" I say as she sets the tray down at a table and puts the two bowls on placemats." Come on and eat. You don't want it to get cold now." She smiles as she looks at us and I can swear her eyes flash green.

I nudge Peter before getting up and walking over to the table." Um not to be rude, but who are you?" Peter asks and I send him a look. He shrugs as she laughs." I go by many names little spider, but you can call me Terra." We sit at the table and I notice just how good the gumbo smells. My eyes widen as I see huge crab legs as well as shrimp in the bowl. How'd she know this is how I like to eat it? I push that to the side as I happily begin eating loving the warm feeling it gives me. Gumbo always made me happy.

Terra smiles and looks at me as a chair is pulled away from the table as if on cue she goes to sit down. Peter sends me a look before hesitantly beginning to eat the gumbo. I've fixed it many times before for him and his aunt and he loves it, but now I think I've made him picky. I giggle softly and shake my head as I see him perk up.

"I know you two must be wondering why your here. Little spider, you just happened to be there and I couldn't risk you running off and telling anyone what you had seen." She says looking at Peter. She looks at me and her smile drops slightly her eyes softening as well." As for you...I don't know any other way to say this except for...Well I'm your mama. Your real mama."

My eyes widen as I nearly choke on a piece of shrimp. Putting a hand over my mouth I quickly swallow my food before looking at her like she had lost her mind." Excuse me? What do you mean your my mama?" I demand in shock. Peter looks between the both of us wide eyed as Terra sighs." The people that raised you, they stole you from me. They stole you from me and tried to lock me away so that I couldn't come after you.

Standing up I begin pacing as I take all this in. There's no way she could be lying because she's gone through too much already to even get me here. I stop and look at her a frown forming on my face." I don't put it past them." I say quietly as Terra looks at me with tears in her eyes." I'm so sorry my honey bee. It took me years to finally break free of the prison they'd put me in. With the help of some...friends I broke out not even a month ago. I made my way here by following your scent."

Taking a deep breath I sit down." My scent?" I ask softly suddenly feeling very timid." Yes. I guess I should tell you exactly who I am. Like I said before, I go by many names. You may know my world known name as Mother Nature." I look st her surprised as Peter laughs. We both look at him raising an eyebrow." O-oh! Oh! You were serious. I'm sorry." He goes back to eating his gumbo as I chuckle shaking my head. Terra brings my attention back to her by taking my hands in hers." As for your scent it's just an earthy smell. Most monsters and creatures can pick it up easily."

"Monsters?" Peter and I both ask in confusion. Terra sighs." I've given birth and thought of many marvelous creatures my dear. You can't possibly believe that human are the only thing on this plant." I look at Peter as my jaw drops. What the hell just happened?

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A/N: Well that was a shocker.

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