#that buffy avoids answering them altogether

[catty-words]

[junigreen]

@jadenlapointe​ it’s a text message that goes unanswered; can we talk? atypical. ready now to apologize for behaviour that was slightly uncalled for. making short excuses to avoid the boy without just reason. an hour passes of simply waiting. waiting to hear the buzz of her phone against the kitchen counter as she stirred and sat over a cup of tea. it was unlike jaden to let the message go this long, not even a read flashes below the message sent. juniper hums over it for another minute before impatiently picking up her phone to call. everything was always on her terms, wasn’t it? the phone rings until it eventually goes to voicemail. brows furrow. of course, he was now giving her the silent treatment. it wasn’t as if she didn’t know where he lived. abandoning her tea, she makes the short trek over to the apartments, ringing him once more on the way. again, no answer. shifting around the building in a bought of frustration, she stops in front of the balcony she peg’s recognition as his own. lights are on. again she calls, this time leaving a message as it hits the machine. ‘hey, asshole. so.. i’m outside. i can see you’re actually ignoring me because your lights are on. you could just tell me you don’t want to talk to me instead of being a dick about it. but okay. text m-- what the fuck--’ mid message, out of the corner of her eye she spots a familiar sandy pup in the middle of the parking lot. hand drops the phone down from her ear, abandoning the hang up button and the remainder of her voice message altogether. eyes focus in, noticing she’s alone and stomach immediately drops; swirling with an uneasy feeling. “buffy!” a shaky voice calls across the lot, grabbing the dog’s attention with a few kiss-y noises that follow and a pat against her leg. “how--what are you doing out here, baby? c’mon. inside. hurry, hurry.” reaching to nudge behind her collar, juni heaves open the door to the building letting them both in. not even thinking twice. she’s never moved so fast up a flight of stairs in her life. a million thoughts racing through her head as to why buffy was out in the first place. she wouldn’t just be out alone if everything was fine. he wouldn’t just accidentally leave the door open too long and she snuck out. hadley wouldn’t have let her out by mistake. she wouldn’t just be out alone if something wasn’t wrong.  the one flight seems far longer, and bigger than it should in this moment. buffy’s already scuttled past her and down the hall, letting out a bark from behind the apartment’s door ajar.  hearts pounding as she approaches, hurrying past the door she doesn’t even bother to close behind her. “jaden?!” voice echoes over the repeating theme music to some video game playing on the tv. she pulls in a bottom lip, approaching the sofa and a boy who doesn’t look well at all. “hey, jaden! what’s-- are you okay? what’s going on? hello? -- what’s happened?”

[rametarin]

I’ve feared this for a while

The news that the new guy behind manga and anime wants to cleanse Japan’s media depresses me.

In my pre-teens, girls were really.. negatively affected, mentally, by the body issues and complexes that said the girls in comics were just sex objects and the boys that liked comics were just being willfully indoctrinated in ‘male gaze’ patriarchy boot camps.

It was the same problem when you read WH40K stuff or played Pokemon in front of clergy in the late 80s/later on, the mid 90s. Your Christian friend might throw a fit about ‘satanic monsters’ or your feminist friend might get on a soap box to hear themselves talk about how enlightened and ‘critical’ they were, or browbeat you into their little fantasy that “having this conversation with somebody” was improving society. Y’know, to give themselves a little ideological dopamine rush.

So you had to be very careful what girl you tried to relate with about liking comic books, or else out would come the accusations that comic books were just jingoistic right wing brainwashing books that objectified women and upheld sexist societal standards. That meant many boys feared sharing their interests or collections for fear of being seen as a Worthless Boy to many girls. Whom were keyed, either willingly or trained by their queen bee friends putting the fear of ostracism in them, to parrot that party line.

But then something amazing happened...

Japanese media hit US shores. And it was cute. It was feminine, often to the point of androgyny and neotony. The depictions of girls were often hyperfeminine and cutesy, often bordering on the infantilized.

BUT. it was in this.. AMAZING cultural and art donut hole! Because the American radfems could speak ad nauseum about old white men being sexist and hateful and misogynist oppressive pieces of shit, cogs in a white supremacist cultural war machine...

But white girls cannot speak over non-white minorities to decry other cultures as sexist, oppressive and wrong. You noticing any parallels with Islam right now, in the hearts of many people that claim they’re “leftists,” and, “progressive,” and therefore cannot be sexist or racist? Oops.

And then oh look, more VISIBLE, FAMOUS femake MANGAKA and more integrated women in DECADES of establishment! Cutesy female-led incorporations of sexy things!! Oh NO!! They’re in that junior radical feminist blindspot; you’re not even supposed to ASK about the hypotheticals of if GIRLS sexualize themselves in media, because, “well girls in media wouldn’t do that, that’s just a disgusting boy thing. :^) So I refuse to even answer that. Until the industry and status quo in comics changes, it’s a boy’s club.”

Well here the Japanese manga community is! Featuring GIRLS, telling SEX JOKES and being scantly clad and SEXY and having FUN and being innocent and joyful! oh look and it’s written and drawn by MINORITY. WOMEN!!!! From one of those oppressed foreign non-white cultures!!! Where women doing stuff professionally is VERY progressive and also an undeniable contribution of women doing anything! Look how puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure this is! It’s everything you radfems claim you want! EVEN MINORITY REPRESENTATION!!!

Radical Feminism of the time FUMED at this thing in the periphery being both sexual and EVERYTHING they CLAIMED they wanted from media in order for it to be good, but they bit their tongues. Because all the girls that started to enjoy Sailor Moon, learned about the censorship of Japanese media by foreign companies to market it in the west and how Japan had more mature, ‘pure’ depictions of female nudity and saccharine sweet sexuality, and they were growing deaf and dumb to the radfem’s rhetoric.

And.. I really can’t underline enough. If you’re in your mid-late 30s now, you SAW the visible shift. From when comic books became taboo and the girls got angry about being infantilized, made into sex objects, everything sex related had a negative light that, “boys didn’t respect them for their MIND an SOUL,” and other gripes all evaporated when Sailor Moon’s blonde meatball ass swung in like a Japanese wrecking ball, like a Lisa Frank notebook heroine come to life.

And comics and fiction and the culture became FUN again. No more walking on eggshells, no more avoiding being painted in that disgusting negative light by radfems pretending they cared about equality so much as defining radical feminist largesse as “equality” and selling it to less deep down the rabbithole women as egalitarianism.

And now the very seat of that shining culture is under attack by insiders that are carrying the foreigner mindset. Entire manga studios are being build and founded under Black Lives Matter and Privilege Theorist mindsets. Anime itself is under attack as a social culture by these fucking assholes.

So, 3rd party studios won’t have to add in those disgusting, stupid jokes in Dragon Maid about “the patriarchy,” deviating from the dialogue of the original just to be propagandic platforms. They’ll platform and edit the original material by sympathetic “critical lenses” wearing editors and silver spooned CEOs.

I’m going to be honest. I’m going to be sad to see Japanese media get the same ridiculous standards and sentiments of censorship in the west. A moratorium on blood, mention of death, and any scene with a NIP SLIP will be seen as juvenile, childish, perverted, and objectification of the female body. Bugger the fact you can have all these things and it’s perfectly healthy, but no, “we MUST ENSURE OUR SOCIETY IS FREE OF BAD THINK! MEDIA IS SOCIETY’S PSYCHOLOGY! PSYCHOLOGY MUST BE PURE OF BAD THINK, ELSE SOCIETY’S SIGNING OFF ON THIS BEHAVIOR!” Bullshit.

We all remember growing up with anime and manga in an era when everything even hinting at sexuality and violence was behind a few layers of bubblewrap and judgemental eyes. Everything more mature than Carebears highlighted and stigmatized so overbearing parents could tell if it had anything their little Johnny or Sarah shouldn’t even have agency over knowing, as long as the parents could have it. It was a cultural and mental refuge. It was where you could have your nip slips and innocent sexuality without judgement or accusations of being a disgusting person.

And more importantly it changed a lot of girls opinions or prevented them from swallowing that party line and going deeper down that rabbithole altogether.

Imported Japanese media returned a sense of both youthful innocence as well as tolerant maturity to western expectations of art and illustrated literature and I argue bridged that gap between the dark and gritty for-adults 90s stuff parents wouldn’t let kids even know existed, and.. fucking Carebears.

We still have webcomics for anything-goes, anyone-can-access, but that will come under threat next. Just you watch. Demanding anything with a nipple or even a mention of sexuality must be behind a government watched paywall so you can’t even access it without committing theft or fraud that the government can punish a person or their guardian over.

I really, really, really do not want the Japanese to experience the sort of horrible social climate that I remember looming when radical feminism sold itself to the girls as progressive, and made men depicting women inherently oppressive and evil. Where it sustains itself on the hysteria and personal emotional insecurities and complexes of millions of women normalizing that into a societal expectation that they then fear being judged by.

It was truly an absolutely miserable period of time to grow up as a comic fan and as a person, because the stigma was biting. And the contrast between the warm, open, free, inviting and friendly waters afterwards?.. Like going from swimming in cold arctic lemon juice to tranquil tropical seawater.

The existence of Japanese manga and what it did to the social climate of comic and cartoons fans cannot be understated enough.

I mean, yeah, at the time, folks like Joss Whedon helped with Buffy and shit, but we don’t talk about him and people like him. It was the 90s.

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Emma Ficready and welcome to Behind the Quill, it’s wonderful to finally have the chance to chat with you.

Many readers will know you already from works like “Chimaera” and “Sins of the father” for those that don’t,  a Trigger Warning from Emma that  their works contain graphic violence and abuse and may cause distress to some readers. 

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? It's actually my previous name! Although very apt for a fiction writer. Though it's pronounced more like Thick - Reedy, I use it over my new name because my partner does not know I'm a fiction writer, and I  don't think they'd react well if they found out, it's something they'd struggle with. I'm a long term partial carer for them and they have some mental health issues, so I try to avoid any situations that could be a potential trigger. Plus I like having something all to myself. Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most? I think I would say I probably relate to Severus Snape the most. I can relate to how 'damaged' he is, and how much the bullying he endured as a child, affected the adult he became. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I think I like to read angst the most, as to me that's more real, I don't generally read stories that are entirely fluffy all the way through. I love a happy ending, but  I can't cope with total fluff because I find it unrelatable, life isn't sunshine and daisies all the time. Do you have a favourite "classic" novel? I don't know if it's old enough to be classed as a classic, but I'd have to say 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. At what age did you start writing? Very young. I had my first poem published by aged 10. How did you get into writing fanfiction? After being heartbroken at the end of Harry Potter series , I just wanted more and I had been reading fanfiction stories for years. I was constantly looking for stories, I'd get this thought in my head and it was like 'I wonder if I can find a story about this' and when I couldn't I just thought... well why don't I write it? I also find the writing very cathartic. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I love hurt / comfort fics. I'm a sucker for it. It is something that I represent quite a lot in my fictions, because I can see both Hermione and Severus in that role in their own individual way. Hermione who is constantly a champion and a voice for others, and Severus who is there quietly and thanklessly fighting for others the entire time, I can see both of them naturally falling into those roles of 'saving' someone , without it being out of character. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I'm not particularly active in any other fandoms, I have always been a Buffy Fan and I love the Inheritance cycle books by Christopher Paolini , though short of reading other fanfictions I am not active in the community like I am with Harry Potter. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? The epilogue, probably the  most common answer you get  and I know everyone is going to expect me to say because she never should've married Ron, but I can see her marrying him and subsequently divorcing him as being true to Character but I'd change the epilogue because I don't think Hermione would or should ever have settled for being a ministry worker, she deserved so much more. Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? I don't know if this counts but... Severus's Patronus changing after he survives the war. I see the doe as symbolic to the debt he felt he owed her, and I like the thought of the visual change of patronus, representing the emotional change he goes through in accepting the past and moving on now he feels that he's fulfilled his promises. Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? Quiet! I love music, the heavier the better actually, but I have to be in the right frame of mind for it. Otherwise I can sometimes get sensory overload. I hate white noise and things like asmr, I often wear hats or headbands, or have my hood up to block out some noise. What are your favourite fanfictions of all time? How long have you got? Honestly that's not an easy question to answer, and it doesn't have one answer. But I could say that some of the stories I find myself reading over and over again are 'Sin & Vice' , 'Another Dream' and 'Lay me low'. There's no way I could write all my favourites down here, but they're the ones I re-read most often. My favourite WIP is probably ' Inkstains' Are you a plotter or a pantser? 90% Panster. I will literally have one small idea, it could  be one small interaction, one conversation or one event that pops into my head and I will end up writing a story around that one small thing. My story signs entirely stemmed from the one interaction of Severus handing Hermione the note. I knew I wanted that, and then it was by the pants from then on How does that affect your writing process? It means that I do update my stories in a regular order, so no one story is left too long without an update. I literally sit down, crack my knuckles and go 'right, I'm writing the next chapter of this story now. I write it and post it as soon as it's finished. I write from my phone too, so I apologise for any grammatical or spelling errors, auto-correct is the bane of my life at times What is your writing genre of choice? Have you read my fictions!? Interviewer: Well yeah, but I’m asking because you’ll be new to at least  some of the audience. (chuckles) Ha. Sorry. Angst, all the way. I write angst and hurt/comfort, very dark stories as I pull a lot of my ideas from the real life experiences of myself and friends I met in therapy. Writing about trauma is very cathartic for me and helps me process my own feelings about my own history. Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why? Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it? How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write? That's a tough one, as there are elements to all of them that are important to me. None of the stories I write quite unfold like I imagined they would, they just sort of take off and I'm along for the ride. I'd be remiss not to talk about Not the Same girl at this point, as that story has probably had the biggest impact for me, the responses it's had and the people reaching out to me, both positively and negatively. I've had some outright hate over that fic, and abusive messages to the point that I almost gave in altogether and I think because of that people will expect me to say Not the Same girl is the fiction I relate to most, and while I do draw a lot from personal experience it's actually Father Mine as that resonates with me on a more personal level, that and an as yet unpublished WIP I have in the works, I think the huge dichotomy of feedback I've had for stories like Not the Same girl though, have both given me a thicker skin to the hate and encouraged me through the sheer overwhelming amount of people who’ve reached out, that find the stories cathartic in dealing with their own trauma, which is gratifying as an author to do that for people, when I myself am looking for that same release in writing it. It's great to have this mutual satisfaction and it's really rewarding. What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing? I think probably going to refer back to Harper Lee and to kill a mockingbird. The whole premise of telling a story that no one wants to hear or acknowledge, the things that are widely known but rarely spoken about. In “To kill a mockingbird” it's sexism, racism and prejudice against others based on their mental health or intelligence but we still see this so much in daily life, about how much hate and horror and suffering is seen in day to day life, the trauma that so many people have suffered is widely known but swept under the rug because it's easier. No. Hell No. Fuck that. Hiding doesn't change any of it, it may be under the rug but it's still there. People rape other people, people hurt other people, people discriminate based on gender, sexual preferences, skin colour, occupation, people have suffered in life and are damaged by it. Acknowledge it. Don't  brush it under the rug, don't ignore it because it's more comfortable for most people, shine the light on it and say. "This is real. This happens. We need to acknowledge it and we need to do something about it"  And I think that's shown in my writing , I don't glorify  anything, I'm not writing snuff but I don't hide anything either. I make people see this is something that I won't gloss over. Does it make you uncomfortable? Good , it should. If people are uncomfortable , at least they are acknowledging the realness of that situation and not ignoring it. Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction? How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? Nobody knows I write fanfiction,  I use a previous name and I very much write for my own cathartic relief. I chose not to share that I write fiction because I'm a carer for my partner, I don't know how they'd react, it could honestly go either way where they'd be absolutely fine or it would trigger them and I'd have to stop, that's the reason I keep it to myself, I'd hate to do something that would mean I'd have to stop writing, not when so many people are so emotionally invested in the stories that I write. How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media? Reviews man. Reviews are the nectar of life, I read every single one and though I don't have time  to reply to most, trust me when I say that I treasure each one and appreciate them immensely. I have my social media which I find the easiest way to speak to people , I have my own Page on Facebook and I'm on a number of SS/HG groups. It's hugely important to me to speak to my audience and I really encourage them to get in touch with me, I'm always happy to talk about my work and people have been in touch just to talk about their feelings or emotions that have been triggered by my work and I welcome it all.  I mean, I've got people translating my stories them into French, into Russian...it's crazy, I never expected it to be so popular and I am always happy to hear from people. Though I apologise if I don't respond straight away,  I have to write on the sly and sometimes real life takes over, so I can't log in for a week or more at a time.   What is the best advice you've received about writing? First and Foremost, write for yourself. The rest is just gravy. What do you do when you hit writer's block? I move on to another story. I always have more than one WIP at any one time, If I can't find inspiration for one, I'll update another, or start a jumble of notes for others. There's always something that needs to be written down, even if it wasn't what I had planned on. Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing? Very much so. Almost all the trauma and hurt and situations that appear in my stories are either translated from my own experiences or those of people I know. Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser? I had a number of stories in the works! When A Cure For Magic is completed, I will most likely post the next one up. I can't give too much away , but the next story is called "Catching Fire" and will be an incredibly dark story, with a lot of morally grey characters. Any words of encouragement to other writers? Just do it.  If you want to write it,. write it. First and foremost write for yourself. Don't listen to anyone who's negative ,or unsupportive. I get so many people message me saying things like 'I want to be a writer', but don't know where to start' and to which my answer is you already are a writer. Writing is 99% mental, you have the words, they're there in your head, you just haven't put them down yet. Thanks so much for giving us your time.   Any time , it's been great and I'm happy to answer questions any time , thank you for inviting me.

[scriptwrites]

penny lane

summary: unlikely friends come together as madness unfolds in their formally proper suburban town.

chapter one

ao3

TJ

Our story takes place in a small town called Shadyside. Once a town of perfectionism, peace, and elegance, the events of 1989 would taint that forever. There were four main roads of Shadyside; Richmond Heights Avenue, Lansdon Street, East Iron Hill Road, and Penny Lane. Richmond Heights Avenue ran by the ever-so-elegant gated community Richmond Heights and the Shadyside Mall. Lansdon Street was the desolate street that went past the side of Richmond Heights. East Iron Hill Road went to the side of East Iron Hill Academy, the only school in Shadyside. It also went past the side of Southern View, “the poor community,” where I lived with my sister and my mom. Penny Lane was where everything happened. It ran past Iron Hill and Southern View and went through the Iron Hill Woods.

CYRUS

Iron Hill Academy was a cold place - in more ways than one. Every student knew something about someone else, every rumor spread like wildfire. The halls were desolate. You could always hear every footstep someone took, every time the art teacher opened up a display case to put something new inside of it. It didn’t matter who you were, if you walked by a group of students, they’d start to whisper about you instantly - whether it was about your hair, or who you hung out with, or if you were a teacher’s pet. It was just the way that Iron Hill worked. And every student knew that. However, it didn’t stop newcomer TJ Kippen from picking fights with anyone who breathed.

TJ Kippen and his sister Amber had moved into Shadyside in the middle of the semester. It was now the end of the entire school year, yet TJ had never cleaned up his act. Amber was almost the same, minus the fighting. She was as cold as Iron Hill, never talking to anyone but her brother, and shooting glares at everybody who disagreed with her.

Andi Mack and Buffy Driscoll were the self-proclaimed “popular girls” of Iron Hill. They did everything together and anyone who merely said “excuse me” or “bless you” to them was given a crude nickname and was the new target for cruel pranks.

Jonah Beck and Marty Wilson were the jocks. Both of them like a golden retriever - always happy, but never straying from “their pack” as they called their teammates. Jonah was oblivious to everything while Marty understood things but could never come up with an actual intelligent response. Personally, I can never figure out why their parents even sent them to get an education if they never used the knowledge they gained.

This, of course, leaves me and my best friend Walker. We were considered the “preps,” but it’s beyond me what the explanation for that is. Walker and I kept to ourselves most of the time but didn’t mind walking in the hallways looking like we think we're better than everyone else. But what can I say? We are better than everyone else. It’s just kind of a widely known thing in Iron Hill.

AMBER

[Shadyside Mall! Fun for the whole fami-]

I clicked off the TV. The eleventh ad I’ve seen for the mall since nine am this morning. I’d already memorized all the words, and it was getting boring. It was the fifth day of summer break. I’d painted my nails different colors about seven times in these past five days, and I was slowly running out of colors to use.

I didn’t have very many friends here, the only “friend” I had was my brother, TJ, but he wasn’t always my favorite person. I could make some new friends, but everybody at that stupid school I go to is cocky and annoying. Especially that priss Andi Mack and her goody-goody friend Buffy Driscoll. I cannot stand either of them and they’ve never said a word to me. And I hope they never do.

…

“Amber! Can you get some things for me from the drugstore?”

I reluctantly agreed, having nothing better to do. Once my mom gave me her list of what to buy and some money, I got on my bike and started to ride to the store.

My bike was nearly broken, but it rode well enough that I didn’t have to fix it just yet. I had gotten it when I was twelve, it was big for me then, so it was perfect for me now.

I arrived at the drugstore and leaned my bike against the wall. The kickstand had fallen off while TJ was messing around on my bike with his stupid friends.

Walking into the store, I nodded hello to the cashier and looked at the list.

“So then I told him that he’s not better than everyone else like he thinks he is.”

“Good! It’s about time someone put his snotty ass in its place.”

The sound of my two worst nightmares talking to each other in the medical supplies aisle gave me goosebumps. It was enough to make me want to leave the store altogether, but I knew I couldn’t do that to my mom.

For the next few minutes I avoided the medical aisle like the plague. But the last thing on the list was a wrist brace for TJ, who had stupidly fallen off his skateboard and injured his wrist.

Turning the corner into the aisle I grimaced, seeing Mack and Driscoll standing right where I needed to be standing in order to get the item that would allow me to leave the store. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot until the two noticed I existed.

“Oh look Buffy! It’s Amber, here to glare at us some more?”

“Oh look, it’s the demon queen! Mind getting out of the way?” I gave her a fake smile and motion to the shelf that they’re standing in front of.

Andi scoffs but her and Buffy move anyway.

I grab what I need and quickly go to the checkout counter, not wanting to see those two ever again.

JONAH

“Ghost player on first!”

“You know, it’s really hard playing baseball with two people.”

Marty rolls his eyes and runs back to home plate anyway, ready to bat again.

“Just pitch the ball, Jolamajama!”

I do what Marty says because he’s my best friend. Also because I know I can get him out with a curveball.

I throw the ball three times, all missing the bat due to Marty’s awful batting skills and I know he’s going to start whining about it.

“That’s so not fair, Jonah! I told you to pitch easy ones!”

“Uh, no you didn’t, Marty. You said ‘just pitch the ball, Jolamajama!’”

“Alright, whatever. Let’s just do something else, I’m bored of baseball.”

…

A few hours later found me and Marty in his house watching old sports movies. Although Marty was asleep.

There’s a knock on the door and I try to wake Marty up. He barely notices, and there’s another knock. I sigh and get up to answer.

When I open the door, there’s a kid standing there. He’s our age, and I think I’ve seen him around school a few times.

“Uh, you’re not Marty.” He smiles and looks down, kicking a little pebble on the porch.

“Oh, no, he was sleeping and I didn’t wanna wake him up.”

“Well okay then, I’ll get going. I’m Walker by the way.”

“Jonah. Nice to meet you, maybe I’ll see you around sometime?”

Walker smiles again and nods before waving and walking away.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 6x10 Wrecked

aka going way too hard on your metaphors

Welcome to this dailyish (weekly? bi-weekly?) text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And with today’s episode I wanna talk about... *checks non-existent notes* Buffy and Willow? That can’t be right. Didn’t we just have that talk?

*flips page on the notepad I’d be using if I actually put some effort into these posts* Oh. I’m gonna be talking about Buffy and Willow for every episode this season. Okay then.

When it comes to Wrecked, I think the first and foremost thing we need to address is the out of control drug metaphor of Willow’s magic problems, that’s being hammered into the audience seemingly out of nowhere.

Now, this is a bit of a toughie. Because I can see where the metaphor is coming from, and how it’s actually pretty in character for Willow to fall down this rabbit hole. See, what the magical drug represents here for Willow is an escape from her reality and emotions – and Willow’s affinity to do just that has been well-documented throughout the show.

I pointed this out most with Something Blue. In that case, Willow’s grief over Oz’s departure caused her to eventually turn to a magical solution, that would heal her heartbreak overnight. She didn’t want to go through the pain, she wanted to not feel it altogether. There’s even a weird Bronze scene where we see Willow drinking a light beer (A light beer! Gasp!) that is trying to impart the same impression about escaping her current state.

Lovers Walk has a similar moment, where she’s trying to de-lust herself and Xander with a spell (without his consent at that…). And then we’ve got episodes like Wild at Heart and Tough Love, where big bad emotions lead to her turning to magic to take revenge.

Xander is easily the most emotional character, in the sense that he tends to act upon his emotions rather than questioning them. Willow is pretty much the complete opposite of that, in that she can’t help but over-examine her emotions. But when she feels things – especially something negative – she feels that big. And possibly due to that same over-examination, that might even magnify those emotions, she can barely stand it.

Here, those emotions appear to be mostly about her break-up with Tara. Break-ups seem to hit Willow especially hard, since being loved and seen as special is a bit of a cornerstone of her character motivations. (Of which a lot can be traced back to her mommy issues if we go by Gingerbread.) So yeah, it’s really no wonder that she tried to take a magical shortcut to cut through the pain.

And yet, the moment you start looking at this episode in the context of what came before, and the actual events that led to Tara leaving, things are starting to get less and less straightforward.

See, Willow’s use of magic prior to Wrecked in season 6 was less about escape, and more about power and control. Tara’s concerns were about Willow using her powers to help herself, alter reality to her liking without any consideration for anyone’s choice or consent, and taking magical shortcuts for all of her problems.

You can make the argument that it’s still connected, that power has an addictive nature, that that fear of abandonment and anxiety is what’s behind a lot of Willow’s issues with control, which has a similar effect of her avoiding certain problems and emotions… And certainly, as these actions and inclinations are all in character for Willow, you can lead them back to the same motivations.

Still, when we’re talking about the substance abuse metaphor specifically, applying that to Willow pre-Wrecked is much less straightforward. Which wouldn’t necessarily be that big of a problem, your metaphors don’t always need to be a perfect fit imo, and you can have something mean multiple things at once… except in this case, we are going way too hard on it.

Rack’s entire setup, that whole scene of Amy breaking into the house, trying to steal some herbs(?), Willow’s withdrawal symptoms by the end of the episode… There’s just no space for any wider interpretation, and because of that, I feel like we’re missing a lot of nuance, as many of Willow’s actual issues don’t fit quite as neatly into this metaphor.

It feels like the show is saying that it’s the fault of this ~drug magic~ that Willow altered Tara’s memories, taking away her informed consent. And that would be in itself certainly a complicated discussion, because judging the actions of people struggling with addiction is complicated; but it’s just not really the right discussion in this case. Again, while we can fold this into a greater context of the addictive nature of power and whatnot, it’s still mostly just about Willow’s abuse of that power here.

For Buffy though, at this point in time it’s definitely that sense of escape and addictive self-destructive mechanism where she connects with Willow.

The show is once again drawing a clear parallel between these two characters, but more importantly, Buffy is doing a lot of that work herself. As I mentioned before, this is sort of becoming a problem this season. Like, not to beat the dead horse, but the three main Scoobies have trouble holding each other responsible for their actions all season. And in Buffy’s case, that mostly comes from her being too wrapped up in her own mess, and over-identifying with her friends�� issues instead of looking at them critically.

BUFFY:  “She’s just helping Amy through a transition.” XANDER:  “And making herself a playmate to do magic with. Someone who won’t monitor her like Tara.” BUFFY:  “No, Willow’s a grownup. You know, maybe she doesn’t need to be monitored. You know, she’s going through something, but we’re not her. I mean… maybe she has reasons for acting this way. And, so what if she crossed a line? You know, we all do stuff. Stupid stuff. But, then we learn. And we learn, and we don’t do it again. Okay, so, you know, who are we to get all judgey?”

First of all, let’s address the Xander of it. His culpability here for me is about the fact that he seems more or less aware of the problem, and voices it a couple of times, but we never actually see him do anything about it. He made some passive aggressive comments when Willow used magic to hack something, but that’s it.

On the other hand, I guess that isn’t that far from Xander’s modus operandi. He sees himself as a bit of an outsider in their group. He observes, and as a result, when a character goes to him for advice or support post s4, he can actually be pretty helpful. So maybe it’s really not his style to just show up at Buffy’s house on an afternoon, and try to get through to Willow… but I still think that he should’ve. That’s his best friend since kindergarten, and he clearly sees that there’s a problem.

Then again, Xander has his own set of issues this season that might occupy most of his thoughts, even if they’ll only become more apparent later down the line.

Buffy’s defensiveness regarding Willow however is just a beautiful mess of overtly obvious over-identification.

Now that Buffy actually slept with Spike, he is feeling empowered. Even if he’s only an outlet for Buffy, that in itself can have its own addictive nature.

Buffy hit a low point. Her depression is taking over every aspect of her life, and the only time she feels like she can break out of that numbness is when she’s with Spike. Even if a lot of that is centered around her feelings of self-loathing and shame.

If Spike had a soul, he could probably see that that’s not good, and certainly not the kind of relationship you want to have with someone you’re supposedly in love with… but Spike doesn’t have a soul. So all he sees is the co-dependency aspect of it all. He’s obsessed with Buffy, but Buffy needs him too. That’s a win for him as far as his current limited understanding of love goes.

So he’s being smug, and pays less and less attention to Buffy’s ‘no’s. And yeah… That’s troubling, but it’s also troubling in a way that seems self-aware on the show’s part, especially when you think about where we’re headed.

Circling back to Buffy’s response to Willow, with the outright stated connection, you can see Buffy’s own struggles with her current situation through that. When she slowly hugs Willow after the latter begged for her forgiveness and support as she hit her low point, that feels almost like an act of self-love on Buffy’s part. Or at the very least an admittance of her own predicament.

My question however still remains. Could Buffy really help Willow if all she sees are her own issues reflected back through her, which she’s struggling to deal with in the first place?

(I mean, the answer is no, but that’ll get slightly less obvious before the end of the season.)

Oh yeah, and I can’t believe that Tara is the only one who cares about the teenager in the house enough to try and make her breakfast. At this point, Dawn should just move into Tara’s new place, like, full offense @ Buffy and Willow, but you guys are a mess.

But that’s how I love them.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

late amnesty liveblog because my sleep schedule has betrayed me :P

i've scheduled this liveblog to come out around 10:00 am on friday, but as i'm typing this it's around three in the morning. summer has utterly fucked my sleeping schedule lmao, i literally went to bed around 6:00 am yesterday and didn't wake up until a little before 4:00 pm... which is about a normal amount of time to sleep for me tbh, just at a wack time. oi vae. i’m going to try and get to bed a little earlier tonight, but i had to get this done now so i didn’t have to avoid tumblr altogether for fear of spoilers while me and my parents are driving to IKEA tomorrow :P

i've been procrastinating listening to the new ep all day because of well, the same reason i tend to procrastinate listening to every new ep of amnesty: i'm scared as fuck for all of these characters and a lil bit nervous about how griffin intends to unify all the disparate plot threads in a way i wasn't during balance. i'd say that nervousness is less of a product of me being distrustful in the boys’ abilities and more a product of me binging all of balance over the course of a month and only catching up in time for reunion tour, aka when all the main mystery threads were either solved or would be in the next few eps. also, ngl, still a little shaken by ned's death, along with how bloody the last arc was in general and what that means going forward vis a vis character mortality. please griffin, all i ask is that you don’t kill off duck and aubrey, p l e a s e

tl;dr: my sleep schedule is fucked and i'm a nervous wreck about fictional characters, what else is new lol? anyways, onto the liveblog!

the description is probably the least terrifying of the last five or six 

"how's the scene doing?" "lil cold" i caught that pun trav

MY BOY :D

griffin what the fuck

good to know indrid isn't at fault lmao

aww duck :'(

"what a delight" bless

the heathcliff is out of the bag

indrid you dramatic twink jfc

i really love these moments of just... pure dialogue

q u e l l

"why did you invoke submarines?" ilu aubrey

... you're not really being helpful here drid

i love thacker so much holy shit

yep, all bummers sums it up pretty well :|

a very finely feathered cast lol

minerva's voice is so similar to indrid’s jesus

i only know of minority report through the lost in adaptation ep on it lmao

well that's not great

"our- well, your world technically" aww indrid

aubrey you dummy ilu

i forgot kirby was there lol

i need fic of aubrey and thacker watching movies together and getting him caught up to modern day, i don't even like the mcu and i want that fic

d u c k m a n

JESUS CHRIST INDRID

what was that noise clint???

indeed quite zany lol

which one of them is clicking their computer mouse a bunch???

"gotta getchu a sword" leo ilu

i know there's gonna be fanart of that lmao

ooooh, new music! very good new music!

yes please keep the together party after splitting it caused so much heartache and literal death last arc 

i love thacker's dad energy so much, can't wait to see how that plays out

"WHY ARE THEY SITTING IN RUBBLE" ilu trav

sammiches c:

keith is just d o n e

i just remembered the throwaway line from the last arc about hollis being into saturday night dead and got sad :(

JESUS THACKER

i need fic of thacker interacting with the baby hornets, i need it so bad

duck you cannot just spring all this on them

"my friend the mothman" D U C K

YUP, you need to roll for that

that's better than failure! that's not complete failure!

JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!

OH MY GOD THAT'S SO FUCKING CUTE

they're in it for jake :')

i’m so excited for the new graphic novel!!! hopefully i will have enough money to buy it ha haaaaa for real tho i have no money or autonomy

ghost dewey! :D

who does he need to talk to? pigeon maybe?

that was so good clint! i loved it :D

WHAT THE FUCK, DUCK NEWTON

i know i've said it like eighty times but thacker's peak dad energy is absolute gold and i'm super happy we get to see him interact with juno again after how adorable their last scene was :)

"gross" bless travis

oooh no, i'm getting bad vibes

i have never heard milanos pronounced that way in my entire life

i have to hide mine from my dad lmao

WHO IS CLICKING

thacker you sound like the goddamn unibomber could you please be more forthright about what the plan is

hmm... here's a fun question: did thacker inherit ned's spent luck???

well that answers that lol

i love juno so goddamn much

sensors? stealth could be an option

why is she so scared? like aubrey brought her coworker back to life, i personally would not be afraid of her murdering me after that

"no one needs to go to chicago" ilu aubrey

federal paperwork is an absolute bastard

some monday what???

"well i don't care for the tone!" aubrey ilu

that's a good way to put it :/

WHY IS DEWEY IN THE CLOSET

s p e c t r a l  m o m

well dewey is immune to death sooo...

ned was one of aubrey’s best friends... even after everything that happened she still called him one of her best friends... travis you've made me cry ; _ ;

PLEASE MAGIC TRAVIS DICE SHE HAS NO MORE LUCK TO BURN

damn this really is a wild ass scenario isn't it

"you're melting my fucking brain" pfff

thank you clint, i completely forgot too

travis is the irl voidfish lmao

i love dewey so much

"can't kill me twice, i think" i hope dewey can't double die lol

d u c k o l a s

why did you go to buffy and winthrop duck??? why did you want to talk to these weird edward and lydia reskins duck?????

yeah that feels right

okay, it's griffin clacking on his mouse

playing what???

THE WHAT

WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT, JUSTIN MCELROY

DUCK WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU DOING I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON

i love justin's triumphant laugh so much

i mean i already mentally associated them with the wonderland liches so this isn't much of a jump  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

griffin what on earth is this

"that's it, that's all the latin there is" i wish lmao

THE SHADOW BRETHEREN

we are... so screwed lmao

this was very good! this ep kept up the trend of funnier interactions from the last ep and i’m grateful for it after how sad the past arc was. i am still very worried but i’m happy we’re seeing a lot of npcs that we hadn’t gotten back to in a while just to make sure they’re okay. pretty much anything else i had to say is summed up by the mini rant i made before listening above lol. 

see y’all next right thursday!!!

[we-pay-for-everything]

Do you think "I Fall to Pieces" does a good job making a parallel between the doctor and Angelus' profile? If so what do you see as the similarities between the two?

I finally watched I Fall to Pieces! I fucking liked it! Wow. I love season 1. Cordelia is funny save for her retard comment (honestly???), and Doyle’s funny and cute too. Angel, like, melts my heart (being emo again lol). The episode has a good message. Season 1 has a lot of women in need of rescue, but Kate’s message of empowerment and the power of fear is pretty feminist and true, especially coming from Kate - who is one of the strongest and most realistic women of the Buffyverse. Women might not have the physical power to defeat their stalker but they can stand up to them and refuse to be scared. In practice, things don’t work out exactly like that, but the theory behind it is good. It’s important not to cower or give in to anything that frightens us. Most things don’t have as much power over us as we think. Sometimes we let others have control over us: our bodies, our decisions, etc., but standing our ground can make us feel stronger, so I think that part of the episode was really good. Plus, it’s funny, light and entertaining. What doesn’t work is the kind of sci-fi aspect of it, and the explanations behind the doctor’s abilities, which don’t make sense. 

But anyway, I’ve turned this into a review! It’s a 2 in 1 type of answer - you’re welcome! Should’ve saved my material for my Second Impressions meta series!

Moving on, I noticed the parallels between Angelus/Buffy and Ronald/Melissa. I think they made sense. I saw it as a more human, weird, kind of version of BtVS season 2. Angel asks Howard if Melissa was the one, and defines it as being “so much a part of someone that you don’t know where they end and you begin”. Clearly, he speaks from personal experience, and the doctor, in opposition, is Angelus. Angel understands both himself and the doctor, which shines a light on how Angelus thought in season 2. It’s like Angel explains season 2 in retrospect. Still, Angel explains the doctor’s behavior like this: “It’s not about Melissa, it’s about rage. This guy is too messed up to deal with a real woman and he can’t stand that. So he creates a fantasy about a girl he barely knows. But eventually even she fails him. So he has to hurt her, because when he looks at her all he sees is how useless he is, how damaged.”. This doesn’t accurately describe Angelus. The doctor wanted to be loved and Angelus despised that idea. Angel tells Ronald that he doesn’t know his “fiance” but Angelus knew Buffy better than that, through his shared mind with Angel. That description is more like a mix of Angelus’s rage and issues, plus Angel’s own insecurities. Obviously, there’s a difference between having a soul and being capable, in theory, of love and goodness (the doctor), and being unable to have that altogether (Angelus). In a way, the episode excuses Ronald’s actions a bit by implicitly comparing him to someone who doesn’t truly have free will, and saying Ronald gave up on love. 

However, the doctor “coming apart” resembles Angelus. At first, he tormented Buffy, but then he wanted to kill her. Angelus became frustrated, and even a bit reckless, to the point of trying to end the entire world just to kill Buffy. In the end, Ronald was killing anyone who stood in his way, which is what Angelus tried to do in a much larger scale. Melissa standing up to her stalker was like Buffy, who avoided a confrontation the entire season, until finally going after Angelus. It was about feeling empowered and capable of doing something about your situation. 

Thanks for the ask! It was a really interesting one!

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 2x21 Becoming Part 1

aka the dead the undead and the dumbass

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and point out / hyperfocus on one detail in it in 10-3k words. Or maybe go through each and every random scene I choose. Rules are fake.

And today is why we suffered through episodes like Go Fish. Finally. The end of the beginning. The beginning of an end.

...And yet as you probably guessed it from my choice of screencap, I’m actually going to start on more of a downer note.

Kendra died.

Character deaths is a conversation that I’ll probably keep coming back to with this show, because it does feel like it’s one of the legacies Buffy’s left for the next generation of television. Lots of shocking, emotional character deaths.

And I will go here on record and say that I do find most of these deaths effective still. When these big moments come, I’m still not ready, and I still get swept up in the atmosphere, the emotion of it all. I can see the poignancy that they represent in the story.

But... there’s a reason we’ve got so critical of television deaths and who they affect, and with Buffy... well, there’s definitely a conversation.

Buffy the show has a race problem. This is a conversation that I can’t really add to, but one, that also can’t be denied. And Kendra’s death very much plays into that pattern.

Her story was one that the writers weren’t interested in exploring any further. So much so that when they brought her back for an episode, it was only for her to die dramatically. All to signal a low point for Buffy.

That’s not a great message when you look at what Kendra represents.

So whether one finds the moment effective - Buffy finding Kendra death, Giles kidnapped, the fate of the rest of the gang uncertain, the world at the brink of being sucked into hell... That moment of despair that we all feel with her, just like how we’ll feel the moment of triumph as she overcomes it... We still need to look at the context.

Because while we’re supposed to identify with Buffy, with the main heroes of the story, and find the strength and inspiration we need from them... It’s important to remember that some people will identify with the victims. The ones being discarded to give us the stories that get us through the day.

So yeah. Context and perspective.

And speaking of perspective, this is the episode that gives us a somewhat new one on Angel. Who I’ve been consciously avoiding calling Angelus, because I think it’s more interesting to look at the souled vs. soulless vampire as the duality of a character rather than separate entities altogether.

A decision that I felt especially vindicated by, when we got our first flashback of Angel pre-vamped. Because that version of the character actually reminded me more of his soulless self than the more heroic, brooding version we got to know.

See, I used to think that the answer to why Angel felt so separate from his soulless self, especially when compared to other vampires who will thread similar paths, was in his character... But that’s not actually it.

The reason why Angel feels such a different person from his Angelus persona is because he (un)lived and grew and learned for over 100 years with a soul, while Angelus remained the same. It’s literally that simple.

Pre-vampire Angel (or Liam, as we’ll later learn) was reckless, impulsive, constantly chasing something new that would give him pleasure, while ultimately living an empty life. When he became a vampire, that was the template the demon inherited. Someone who would obsessively torture a poor young woman who felt weighed down by her powers, but just as easily could decide to end the world on a whim, all so he could prove himself worthy.

But Angel with a soul was able to grow from that. He had to face who he was, what he was capable of, and make a choice what to become. That’s what separates him from his former self - both from his soulless and human past.

In that sense, Angel’s entire character represents growth. A lesson in how even the worst of humanity can learn to do better.

And then there’s Xander. And no, I’m not gonna segue, let’s just get it over with.

I’ve been mentioning in the past how Xander has a problem of not thinking clearly when he’s emotional. And boy, does he lose all his chill here.

There are rational reasons as to why Buffy should be focusing on killing Angel more... And as I’ve been considering this, I realized that this actually gives me a perspective on something that happens in the next episode. So let’s hit pause on that.

Ah yes, Xander.

I’ve started this season saying ‘what the actual fuck, Xander’, and it appears, that we’ll end the season that way as well. A full circle, if you may.

Xander going way over the fucking line, yelling at Giles about how Angel killed Jenny and so they should kill him, soul or no soul, pretty much tells you all you need to know. And if you look at it from the angle of Angel representing the possibility of terrible shitty human beings learning to do better, it sort of paints Xander as the black-and-white guy.

But Xander does have a right to have that perspective. I keep trying to bring up what happened in 1x02 with Jesse, and I feel like finally, this is my real moment. Xander’s friend got turned into a vampire and he had to kill him. Therefore the idea that vampires could be changed from those terrible monsters his friend became is understandably not something that he’d be comfortable accepting.

Too bad that in canon Xander’s resentment towards Angel is so soaked in jealousy, and Jesse never actually gets brought up by the show. Oh, well.

But maybe there is still a merit to what Xander brings to this conversation. We as a society should definitely put more focus on change and growth, but you know what, sometimes you do need someone to stand there and remind everyone that that guy actually murdered someone.

Soul or no soul.

Speaking if which, Willow is way too excited to delve in the “black arts” with the whole soul restoration whammy. Even though Giles warns her that by doing the spell, she might open a door that she won’t be able to close.

I’m sure absolutely nothing will come out of that.

Part 2, here I come!!!