#that bi panic got her leaving her own house

[royalarmyofoz]

[jasonshousewife]

Jason Todd x lingerie model reader? 👀

She was supposed to do her shopping, but somehow she ended up buying more than three magazines that featured the same model, It was embarrassing, but I really needed more than looking at those curves in the supermarket window. (In my country they sell those types of magazines in supermarkets, yes.)

But it was even more embarrassing how she ended up cumming more than three times with just a few magazine photos. He was completely screwed, he knew it when he put up a tent in his pants just by seeing you from afar taking a sip of your coffee.

(IDK, I WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET AND I GAVE A BI PANIC, OK? I'm incapable of writing smut so I'll leave this for you to do what you want with it. 😈)

Warning: including sexual content, not proofread! just fresh out of my brain

ohh lingerie model reader would definitely be jason's weak point lol not because he's worried bout other men (of course he wants to punch ones who dare to look at you in a weird way) but because he can't hold himself when he sees you in those pretty lacy lingeries. fuck, he knew he was screwed the moment he saw you on a magazine cover.

he'd search for your name on the internet to find out who you were, it was kind of embarrassing cause he never in his life obsessed over a model or celebrity in media, but now here he was trying to find out who this girl was- smiling so confidently on the cover with those teasing red lingeries. fuck it. he's never jerked off over a magazine photoshoot like this. he's never bought a magazine featuring woman in lingerie as a cover in the first place.

he finds your instagram and god, you're gorgeous. you look amazing in every picture, especially the one where you're smiling at the camera without make up got his heart beating again. he didn't notice you had freckles that looked so damn cute on you. he scrolls his phone with a small smile on his face before snapping out of it 10 minutes later.

and ever since he learned that you live near by- accidentally jumping into you at a coffee shop, he can't stop thinking about you. you looked even more beautiful in real life, and he feels so guilty for getting so worked up like this. He tries to forget about you, cause he's not a pervert who stalks his neighbor. he tries to get over it and live his own life without his thoughts being occupied.

but fuck it life never works his way. he saw you being with a very persistent drunk man who wouldn't take no as an answer one night on the street. he doesn't even recognize it's you, but when he turned around to check on you after chasing the man off, his heart dropped to his stomach. it was you. the girl he dreamt of for days now.

he walks you home cause he's not gonna let a girl who just went through that walk home alone just cause he couldn't handle himself in front of her. you don't notice his shyness and just appreciate his kindess.

the next time you run into each other is at that same coffee shop he first saw you in real life. a short eye contact turns into a conversation, and soon this becomes a regular thing between you. you actually got to enjoy his presence and you could tell that he's not so tense around you and started to genuinely enjoy his time with you as well. the next time he walks you home after hanging out that evening— you invite him inside.

once he was inside your house, everything else happens so naturally. you both felt the tension that was building up between you two, and your lips meet his without any resistance. you could feel his hesitation. Jason was hesitating cause he didn't want to make you think he's just here for your body. but when he feels you biting down his lower lip, he just lets go and kisses you back. he wraps his arms around your waist and pull you closer.

His hand slips under your sweater and he feels you shiver. He's fricking out inside as well, because oh my fucking god this cannot be real. YOU cannot be real. you feel so good, your warm skin already making him hard.

he tells you that you don't have to do anything if you don't want to while his cock was twitching inside his pants and his lips were never leaving your neck. and you give a weak nod.

"I need to hear your voice. do you want this?" he whispers in a soft voice. it was probably out of worry but you just wanted him so bad at this point, and you let out a frustrated, impatient 'yes'.

he must have also sensed the impatience as well, he chuckled before slowly and gently taking your clothes off one by one until you were left only in your underwear. He didn't give a fuxk if you were in those sexy lingerie or not, cause he was too mesmerized by the sight of you. the wet spot gave him a rush, heat going straight to his cock once again.

"Y/n, you're socking..." He whispered in awe. He tugs on your panties with his begging puppy eyes. "Let me take care of you, please. I won't ask for more."

you look down at him who was between your legs, and feel yourself blushing. you've never met a guy who's acting like this, begging to taste you and take care of you... and you nod without thinking. his eyes sparkle as he gently puts a kiss on your inner thighs, being extremely gentle with you to make sure he gives you what you deserve.

but when he pulls your panties to the side and finally gets access to your dripping cunt, he devours you. he enjoys the little noises you make, little whimpers whenever his tongue licks on your clit and press on it. he gently tease your folds before pressing his tongue inside, fucking you with his tongue. he feels your hand in his hair, and enjoys the feeling of making you feel this much.

"hngh, Jason..." you whine and squirm, but his huge hands are holding on you thighs and pinning you down so you couldn't escape. he's enjoying this too much to let you miss this pleasure even for a second. the girl of his dreams, the girl he's only dreamt of and got to actually adore after learning her personality, the girl who's so perfect... he's just happy that you let him do this to you. he feels you tug on his hair again and pushes his face like he's almost gonna dive into you. his nose nuzzles on your clit, and a small scream escaped your mouth.

you feel a heat gathering in your stomach, and he feels that too. one of his hands that was on your thigh move to your clit, rubbing a circle in a steady pace while his tongue was still sucking and drinking on your cunt.

"Fuck– Jason, please–"

"What do you need, princess? Do you want me to make you come?" he whispers in a ever gentle voice, whispering in a breathless voice himself. his cock was already so fucking hard and he was this close to just coming inside his pants, but he has to hold back until he gives you what you want.

"need to come, need to– oh god–"

you shiver and come on his tongue. your fingers tangled into his hair and you can only make choked out sounds as his tongue was fucking you through your orgasm. jason watches you as he feels himself getting so close to coming, and he finally pulls his tongue and hand away from between your legs. instead he pulls out his cock with one hand and starts to stroke himself.

"I'm sorry, y/n... angel... I just need to– nff... get this off my system..."

he whispered with a groan and hump himself between your thighs, making you gasp. everytime his length brushes your still sensitive pussy, you cry out in pleasure. you're still hazy from your earlier orgasm, and your brain can't comprehend anything else other than the feeling of your pussy clenching and unclenching over nothing and your clit being stimulated by his huge cock as he humps himself between your thighs.

okay i'm gonna stop here cause i don't think i can stop myself if i write more!! hope you likes it :) maybe i'll come back later to revise this lol

[pr0dbeomgyu]

BLURRY LINES

*＊✿❀LINE 2: ROOM INVASION❀✿＊*

WARNINGS : mentions of blood

leaving his room, taehyun saw y/n sitting on the kitchen counter, eating a piece of bread. making his way towards her, y/n just gave him an uninterested glance, but the glance slowly turned into a questioning one, when taehyun stood in front of her, her knees almost touching his torso.

"w-what are you doing," she stuttered.

"oh please dont flatter yourself. can you move, i need to take the glass behind you," taehyun rolled his eyes.

"pfft, cant even have my own personal space in this house," she jumped off the kitchen counter. leaving the space she shoved taehyun's shoulder with hers on the way.

"immature brat," taehyun muttered under his breath.

"i heard that," she replied.

"no shit sherlock, you're not deaf,"

that night

"YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT," taehyun caught y/n by her door, slamming it shut again before y/n could enter it. what he didnt know was how it hit her nose.

"shit! ouch! look at what you've done!" y/n exclaimed, turning around to show taehyun her bloody nose. it was not that severe, but it hurts nonetheless.

"fuck, did i do that?" taehyun asked, panic overtaking him.

"u think?" she rolled her eyes, frowning in pain.

taehyun might loathe her, but not to the extent he would hurt her! he quickly guided y/n to the couch, asking her to lay down on her back.

"i really didnt mean to do that. wait a minute, i'll take some ice and cloth,"

y/n scrolled through her twitter while waiting for taehyun, waiting for prodsputnik's tweets to show up.

'he's usually loud when he's releasing a new song though? that's weird,' her fingers kept on pulling the tweets on her feed down, refreshing her twitter feed repeatedly.

"okay, here, put it there," taehyun placed the ice pack on the bridge of her nose.

"was it that serious?" y/n asked.

"what?"

"your music, was it that serious?"

"i mean i take it very seriously, but i overreacted just now, so im sorry,"

"imsorrytoo," she slurred, not really wanting to say sorry.

"what's that?" he asked, eyes trained to hers.

"im sorry too, i guess i should've asked u to lower it down or something," she explained.

"yep, that sounds about right. looks like my job here is done, bye," he quickly got up, retreating to his room, leaving y/n a bit confused.

"dont, ever, enter my room again," he added firmly, before slamming his door shut.

"FUCK YOU" y/n screamed, frustrated. she cant believe she thought taehyun was nice, even for just one second.

MASTERLIST | NEXT

TAGS :

@gyuuss @btxtreads @terrytaehyunnies @miraculyfe @yoonkeehoe @derinxfam @snowfalltxt @taehyunsfel @letmeal0ne @cosmiclele @247byun @cerisetalks @meowtella @shrutiajit @msxflower @lomlyeonjun @lokideadontheinside @arminandjeanandannieandhange @nycol-ie @00-baejin-05 @summery-bat @txtville @wkhdery @stray-bi-kids @mintbgyu

SYNOPSIS :

if there's anything y/n's good at, it's differentiating her feelings between love or hate. it's so distinct, she really doesn't get it when people say they have mixed feelings about something, cause to her, love is LOVE and hate is, well... HATE. LOVE is like her feelings for prodsputnik, an anonymous soundcloud artist she adores which she may or may not have a stan account for. HATE is like her feelings towards her roommate, kang taehyun. she even claimed that researchers are bullshitting when they say there's a thin line between hate and love. but what if y/n figures out that prodsputnik and kang taehyun is the same person? will the line between love and hate stay thick and clear as fuck (y/n's words) to y/n or will it get blurry?

[souichioneshots]

Untitled Binzo x Reader Fic

SO uhhhh.... Binzo thinks about the reasons why he hates Y/N so much? IDK you guys are kinda like frenemies ???

This is the stupidest thing ive ever written...

Might make an NSFW continuation of this if anyone shows any interest tho lollll

Enjoy?????

Binzo could remember the day you two first met like it was yesterday.

He had been awoken by the sound of his father and uncle arguing in a nearby room. Although he could barely make out what they were saying, he could tell by the way he was screaming, his father had done something unbelievably stupid again.

As the door to his room slid open, Binzo quickly moved to ‘greet’ the sudden visitor, his chains holding him back just before he was able to reach the door. A smile spread across Binzo's face as he saw his father react in a panicked motion, jumping back to avoid his son's vicious attacks. However, Binzo's laughter was put to a stop when he saw a small figure move behind the older man.

Moving a bit to the side, Souichi revealed a girl, a little under Binzo’s age, who had been hiding behind him the entire time. She gripped onto the back of the false-gentleman’s suit jacket, obviously hesitant to enter the room.

Binzo's eyes widened in surprise as his father insisted, almost pushing her into the room forcefully. His eyes looked the girl up and down, trying to figure out why his father had brought her here, let alone why he decided it would be a good idea to bring her into the same room as him.

Her clothes were almost as tattered as his own. She had no shoes on her feet, but the socks that she wore were stained black with dirt and mud. From what he could see with the little lighting in his room, the exposed skin of her arms and legs were covered in scratches and bite marks. Her cold eyes stared at the pale boy as she walked in cautiously, immediately following the older man to the other side of the room. Binzo could remember how she ran her fingers through his father's greased-up hair as he placed the chains around her ankles. They exchanged a look that his mind could not understand at the time.

Getting up from the dirty floor, Souichi stated that the girl’s name was Y/N. A name so foreign to Binzo that he was sure it was made up.

As soon as his father finally left, Binzo tried to attack you. But, that was when he found out the truth. You were a monster just like him. An abomination that someone must have tried to get rid of, only for his own idiotic father to pick up and bring home like a kitten off the street. You bared your fangs at him as you backed away into the corner, trying to avoid his sudden yet expected attack. Binzo watched as you stayed low on the floor, staring at him with angered eyes.

He should have been happy to finally meet someone like him, but he wasn’t.

Binzo hated you.

You were an idiot. You could barely keep a hold on your victims, and on nights when you couldn’t secure a meal like him, you resorted to trying to catch and eat the bugs that crawled around the room. You were also idiotic enough to try to steal from him. Whenever he would get ahold of someone, you would try to get close and steal a small piece for yourself. Sometimes Binzo would be too busy to realize, but when he did, he would reach out as far as he could and use his long-sharp nails to scratch you away, leaving you to become a crying-hungry mess.

You also had a habit of not responding whenever he spoke to you. However, this was completely his fault. After you finally became comfortable enough to talk to him, he started to tease you, claiming that your voice was annoying and, using a piece of broken glass, threatening to cut out your pretty pink tongue to eat as a snack. From that day on, you didn’t utter a single word to him.

However, as time went by, Binzo started to find your presence to be slightly humorous. Specifically, whenever you tried to feed.

Binzo would always laugh whenever you dug your fangs too deep into someone’s neck and ended up getting completely doused in their blood when you pulled away. He thought it was a waste of a good drink, but worth it to see you freak out as you tried to stop the fast-paced bleeding.

Your hair also grew at an unnaturally fast rate as well. It was disgusting, but fun to pull on whenever he wanted to get your attention. It was also especially fun to watch your victims pull on your hair, stunning you for a moment, and getting a couple slaps and punches in as they tried to get away. But, Binzo wouldn’t allow that, stopping them at the last minute and dragging them back in your direction. However, you would always be too embarrassed and cry, refusing the meal he was kind enough to go after for you.

You were ungrateful. Idiotic. An amateur. Everything he hated bundled up into a small ball that dwelled in the corner of his room.

But on top of all that, the thing he hated the most was how you weren’t here now.

“Where’s Y/N!! Where is she!!” Binzo exclaimed to his physically and mentally exhausted aunt. She just stayed quiet, ignoring the child’s vicious words and actions. If she knew, she would have told him by now, but she didn’t.

Binzo looked around his dark messy room as he tried to think of what might have happened to you. It had been 2 nights since he last saw you.

If you had been moved to another room, he would be able to smell it. But you weren’t. You weren’t anywhere in the house in fact.

Could his father have decided that it was too much for him to support 2 cannibalistic children, and off’d you in the woods while he was sleeping? No way. He was the one who brought you here in the first place, he should have known what he was getting himself into.

Maybe you ran away, not wanting to be held captive and enslaved to work at a lunatic’s haunted house. That would explain why his father was also not around either. Maybe he had gone out in search of his most popular attraction.

No matter the reason, you weren’t here now, and Binzo hated you for that.

As the raven-haired boy finally started to calm down, he laid down in his cage, his eyes fluttered shut, unable to keep their focus on the door of his room anymore.

However, he was suddenly awoken by a loud scream.

It was his aunt. She had left the room, leaving him alone while he was asleep. Her voice was loud, but not angry. It sounded almost cheerful. An emotion he hadn’t heard from her in the longest time.

Binzo jumped to his feet as the door to his room slid open. There stood his father, alone from what he could see, cigar burning away in his mouth as he smiled. Binzo tightly gripped the bars of his cage, a feeling of rage boiled inside him like nothing he had ever felt before.

However, that emotion quickly washed away when he saw a familiar face appear from behind his father.

There you stood. Alive and in one piece.

Just like the first time you two had met, Souichi forced you into the room. Binzo’s eyes looked you up and down as you cautiously walked in. Gripping the hem of the older man's suit jacket, you stared back at the pale boy.

Your hair had been cut, shorter than before. You were also wearing a kimono similar to his aunt. You looked almost like a doll. It was weird how he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

Binzo watched as his father put the chains around your ankles again, your hand running through his greasy hair. You two exchanged that look he couldn’t understand again.

Binzo barely listened as his father warned him not to fuck up your clothes. As Souichi finally left the room, Binzo put his hands on the lock of his cage and, using his nails, undid it.

Crawling out of the cage, he stood onto his feet and he looked at you. Although he was still only in his early teens, he was starting to grow extremely tall, a gene he inherited from his mother no doubt.

Binzo felt his heart start to race as you looked up at him, your eyes sparkled as they reflected the small amount of light that leaked in the room. It was almost like you were giving him the same look you and his father would often exchange.

Without a word, he forcefully shoved you to the ground. “Stop looking at me!” He exclaimed.

You probably thought he was jealous that his father actually let you go out, got you nice clothes, and even treated you like you were an actual human being. But that was far from the truth. He didn't really mean to push you so hard, but his emotions had gotten the better of him.

Binzo yelled out in pain as you kicked him for pushing you so hard. Just before you could kick him again, he moved to straddle you.

Putting his weight onto your stomach, he held your wrists on both sides of your head. You growled as he brought his face close to your neck and took a deep breath. It had been so long since he smelled your scent. However, this time it was different.

“You smell delicious.” He said in a hungry voice, drool dripping from his lips as he showed you his fanged teeth. You squirmed under him, knowing that he didn’t mean that as a compliment. “I thought my dad killed you. But now I see that he just dolled you up so I can do it myself. Kishishishi!” Twisting your head to the side, you dug your fangs into his arm.

“OW! You bitch!” Binzo screamed as he pulled his arm away from you. His long fingernails left a scratch across your face as he slapped you hard.  

Baring your fangs once more, you pushed him off of you and rushed to get away. However, your chains didn't let you get far.

Binzo grabbed your legs just before you could go any further. His nails dug into the thick fabric that made up your kimono, tearing it a bit as he pulled you closer to him. Flipping you onto your back, he put himself on top of you.

You squirmed in a panic as the boy wrapped his arms and legs around you, restraining you from getting away. Not having eaten anything in a while, you soon became unable to continue fighting with the monstrous boy.

Binzo’s heartbeat slowed down as you started to relax, his body unconsciously trying to mimic the pace at which you breathed. You whined as he tightened his grip on you a bit more, making sure that you wouldn’t try to slip away from him again.

Pressing his head into your hair, he breathed in the new scents that covered your body. The smell of the brand new kimono you wore mixed with the fruity shampoo you had used made him doubt that you were really the same creature he had shared a room with 2 nights ago.

“Where did you go…?” He asked, his words slightly muffled by your hair.

Your body tensed as he dug his nails deeper into the fabric of your clothes, trying to force a reply out of you, but ultimately receiving nothing back.

He hated that you wouldn’t talk to him…

[pencilscratchins]

back to bother u again but!! could u tell us more about azula and the gf u made up for her? the gears in my mind are clicking and im tempted to write about them 👁

i will literally talk about them until you guys dont want to hear it and then, probably long after (also im sorry bc i think this is longer than the first one SKSK)

- so when sokka notices that azula is flustered by nasim, he immediately makes them go over and talk to her, and he spends the whole time talking about how “into lettuce” azula is.

- - nasim thinks she’s really gorgeous, obviously, and as soon as she opens her mouth and is a disaster-- nasim realizes she’s adorable and starts to flirt.

- - - azula basically shuts down like “fairest advisory, i hath never before tasted lettuce but i am well verse in tea pairings for--” sokkas like “why are you talking like an old timey pauper,”

- they get back to the house and sokka tells zuko about it and zuko immediately is like “well i have to meet the woman who has converted my sister into a human being,” 

- he goes with them the next day and abandons his fiancé as soon as they get there to have azula bring him to nasim.

- they find her and nasim is just like fuckin HUH

- - because from nasim’s perspective; the cute awkward girl who tried to talk to you panics when you flirt back and drags her nice, obviously bi sort of familiar looking friend away. aw bummer she left, but whatever that was fun. next day, shes back and this time; she’s with the leader of a fucking soverign country but he introduced himself as “lee” and he’s just as awkward as she is and my god, there’s two of them.

- - - zukos like awkwardly trynna find out if she likes girls while also trying not to lose his mind at azula breaking down. and nasims just like “how DO i respond to this.”

- while the gaangs out and about that night, azula runs into nasim and nasim asks her out to get tea because azula mentioned knowing about it and nasim’s never really gotten into it.

- - azula accepts because she loves knowing about things, and they really get along; like azulas telling stories about iroh being tea obsessed and making jokes and nasims like… actually laughing which has never happened with no threat of violence?? 

- - - and nasim is really enjoying herself because azula’s really funny and actually listens to her talk about the boring shit nasim’s into like the environment and agriculture and seems like genuinely interested (azula never really got to learn about that stuff since ozai always made her focus on military history)

- they part ways and azula finds her brother whos like where’d you run off to? 

- - when she tells them, sokkas like “thats was a date” and zukos like “lmao no that’s was not a date, you and i did that all the time when you were an ambassador!” and sokkas like “... yeah those were dates,”

- anyway, the rest of the gaang finds them and is like “what are you talking about” so zuko spills the beans which is when they all decide to get involved because azula’s like never dated.

- enter: mischief 

- after a week of them being there and seeing each other a lot between random happenstance and the gaang’s interference, nasim invites them all to go on a tour of her family farm (“however, under no circumstance is the avatar is allowed to come” aangs like “understandable and justified! have fun!”)

- - they go and single-minded azula gets really into the farm work which sends nasim’s heart a flutter because hot girl moving hay, helps cow give birth, error error. 

- - - they meet her family too, who mentions they’ve never seen nasim so excited about someone which the gaang is like “hell yeah you go azula” but then azula is like “oh FUCK”

- because of course, azula thinks that nasim if likes her, that means she doesn’t realize who azula is and as soon as she finds out, she will not be interested so she starts to self sabotage bc like that’s her nature.

- after being ghosted for a while, nasim is like “wtf i thought we had something going” and after azula’s talk with katara, she admits her identity and nasim is like “... and?”

- -  she’s like “i knew who you were since the second time we met.” “how?” “... well, you were with the fire lord, who you look exactly like and your name is azula. hop skip and a jump….”

- they start dating and do long distance for a little bit when their vacation ends and azula heads back to the palace, but azula surprisingly, keeps wanting to go back.

- - she has her own hang ups about abandoning zuko and leaving her old life behind, but eventually iroh helps her get through it (i imagine theyve repaired their relationship at this point and iroh’s apologized) so she decides she’s gonna stay until sokka and zuko’s wedding then she’s moving back to nasim’s town and really gonna give being a person a shot.

- (also, i think katara and aang bring nasim to the wedding as a sweet gift and its then azula realizes “oh fuck we really are friends”

IM SORRY ITS NOT MORE DETAILED im not the best writer, but i would love to see what other ideas anyone would have if you’d ever want to write about it 👉👈

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 19: Prinxiety/Loceit (pt 3)

Part 1

Part 2 

Part 3 is here, with a little added something thrown in! Hope you enjoy!

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 19 - Everyone is born with a compass on their wrist, the needle of the compass points towards your soulmate. 

Trigger/content warnings!! Dissociation, PTSD, talk of conversion therapy and aftereffects/internalized homophobia, food mentions, nausea, anxiety/panic attack, unintentionally skipping meals, emetophobia/vomiting, pulling hair (does that count as self harm?).

Word count: 5k 

He barely remembered the hospital. It was all just a blur of doctors and police officers and more sleep than he’d gotten in weeks. After the first night of twitching in the dark confines of his hospital room and waking up screaming from nightmares the few brief seconds his consciousness faded, he was given sleeping pills, and the rest of the visit was quickly forgotten. The clearest part of the two week stay was near the end, when he was deemed physically well enough to give a statement to his social worker and a policeman, describing his ‘therapy’ and his life at the foster home, which quickly dissolved into a panic attack. They had enough though, and he was left with a sick satisfaction that they weren’t getting away with what they’d done to him. 

They’d lied to him. They had told him the system agreed with what they were doing, allowing it, condoning it. At first, he’d refused to believe them, because that made no sense. But they took his only form of contact, didn’t allow him to leave the house except for therapy, and his eventual addition of medication far too strong for him made him paranoid. Maybe he didn’t believe them as much as he was just trying to survive. He still didn’t know how they’d managed to keep up the charade when they were being checked on bi-weekly; he hadn’t even known when said visits were happening. 

“They’ll be spending some time in prison for child abuse. Not nearly enough, but still,” A social worker said quietly as he drove him back to his old group home. Virgil stared numbly out the window. “The kids were taken from them for the time being. They were deemed unfit parents. Foster care until they can find either some relatives or the parents are allowed them back.”

He didn’t react, although his heart nearly stopped in his chest. The parents hadn’t been great, but the kids had been happy enough. And now they were forced into a shoddy system… because of him. Virgil blinked rapidly to stop the tears that threatened to flow.

“You alright, Virge?” 

He finally turned from the blurry mass of green trees out the car window, turning blankly to the man driving. The worker glanced from the road to meet his eyes, sighing. 

No, he wasn’t alright. But he’d never say otherwise. Volunteering information about himself was how he’d gotten himself into this situation in the first place. He wasn’t about to do it again. 

----------

That had been almost a month ago, and he was still to break out of his selective mutism. It wasn’t as if he was choosing not to speak; it wasn’t stubbornness. He felt as if his brain and his mouth were disconnected, like his thoughts were less coherent and more just abstract emotion, and he couldn’t turn them into words. Any question that couldn’t be answered by a simple nod or head shake was met with a blank stare, a far off gaze, that was unnerving to anyone. They’d tried to put him back into therapy, but the moment it was mentioned, Virgil spiralled into the worst panic attack he could ever remember having. 

He’d gotten his old room back, with two new kids as his roommates. He quickly built up the same reputation as before: this room is mine unless you’re sleeping. No kid wanted to be near him when he was awake, staring at nothing, his only movements being his occasional blinking. Frankly, the younger ones were scared of him. 

And he didn’t care. 

Some days he fell so deep into dissociating that he didn’t even react when he was called for dinner. The world around him dissolved, blurry and unfocused and just quiet, retreating into his own mind where he could breathe. Reality was too much. It was just… too much. One of his doctors had said it might be a side effect as they eased him off his criminally high dose of antipsychotics they’d hidden in his drinks, but that was an afterthought. He was warm, he was full (when he was aware enough to eat), and so he faded into his head. He’d cope with his trauma another day. 

“You haven’t eaten all day, honey,” A soft voice said and he blinked, looking up from his bed sheets at the worker. She was one of his favorites; gentle, quiet, respecting his boundaries. In her hands was a plate with dinner on it.

He gave an almost imperceptible nod, barely more than a single bob, and she sat across from him on the bed, placing the plate in front of him. With heavy hands, he lifted a cold green bean to his mouth. It was gross, but the plate was empty in minutes. Apparently it had been a whole day. 

“Virgil, I want to talk to you,” She said. Now full, his brain would let him stay present for a little while until dissociation took over again. He pushed himself back against the wall and brought his knees to his chest, watching her movements. 

“It’s not anything bad, I promise. I’ve been talking with some other workers, some connections I have across the state.”

He didn’t like where this was going. 

“One of them suggested a couple that’s fostered for over a decade. They have a fantastic record, so I got into contact with them-”

“No.” The first thing he’d said in weeks, his voice scratchy from disuse. For once, the mess in his brain came together to form the single word, an immediate rejection. He pushed himself farther away from her, shaking his head violently. “No, no, no.”

“Virgil, breathe,” She reached out a hand and Virgil flinched so hard his head hit the wall. The hand retreated. “You don’t have to go with them if you’re uncomfortable, hun. Please just trust me, though, they’d never do anything that they did.”

He glared at her, trying to read her expression in the dark room. Silence stretched between them as Virgil’s thoughts drifted back to their state of quietude, leaving him unable to form words, beginning to drift away from reality. His eyelids flickered as focusing became harder, his mind’s eye suddenly alight with the blinding white lights of the therapy room. 

“Will you meet them at least, Virgil? Just for a few minutes? And if you still say no after, I’ll never bring them up again.”

He found himself nodding without properly meaning it. He just wanted her to leave… he just wanted to be alone. So he could drift away, without having to fear anyone hurting him anymore. 

She left, taking the empty plate with her. 

----------

Just because he knew today he was meeting his potential (not gonna happen) foster parents, it didn’t mean he was allowed to be present for the rest of the day. His favorite worker had come back again, motivating him to get ready and dressed, since he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been able to find the energy to even just put on a sweater, much less get himself completely ready. 

Looking in the mirror hurt. His hair was starting to grow back, just barely long enough to run his fingers through, never mind getting anywhere long enough to cover his eyes like it used to. The bags under his eyes were darker than he could remember them ever being and his hands shook as he brushed his teeth. Biting down on the bristles, he grabbed a towel and threw it over the mirror, feeling a slight tinge of relief when he was no longer forced to look at himself. The social worker watched from the doorway, silently. 

He was tempted to go to sleep when he was done, completely exhausted from the little bit of work. But she brought him breakfast and his stomach growled in agreement, so he ate enough of the oatmeal to satiate his hunger, and not a bite more. A nervous nausea was already swirling in his gut and he didn’t need to add to it.

“Would you like to be left alone?” She asked, taking the empty bowl. 

Virgil nodded, already feeling the heaviness and emptiness that came with dissociation starting to creep through his limbs.

“I’ll come let you know when they’re here, okay?” He had no recollection of her leaving the room, but the next time he drifted back to the present, she was gone. 

He took a nap around noon, too tired and overwhelmed to stay awake for any longer. Plus, with new rushes of anxiety flooding his system every couple seconds, he was ready to not be conscious for a hot minute. He tried to convince himself that it would be okay, he’d struggle through an awkward meeting where the foster parents would eventually give up on him and leave, and he could spend his remaining year and a month in the system. Hopefully in that year he could figure enough out to survive when he was alone. 

A joyous child screeching downstairs woke him up three hours later, jerking him awake with a pounding heart. 

It wasn’t an hour later when there was a soft knock at his door and he threw himself into the corner, pulling his blanket up to his chest. No, no, no, he wasn’t ready- The door opened painfully slowly, spilling the light from the hallway into his pitch black room. 

“Virgil? I’m here with one of the foster parents, can I come in?”

She poked her head into the room and squinted to meet his eyes in the darkness, eventually finding his hunched form on his bed. Wordlessly, she opened the door all the way and walked up to him, flicking on the bedside lamp. A pleasantly soft light filled the room, illuminating the man standing at the door. Virgil began to shake. 

He wasn’t overly tall, probably just a head or so taller than Virgil, dressed in a plain yellow button up and black jeans. At first, he didn’t seem too intimidating, but neither had the other family at first glance. When he walked into the room, just so he was less of a silhouette, Virgil eyes were drawn to the large burn scar covering the left side of his face, just a shade darker than the right, but the skin mottled and textured. 

“Virgil, this is Janus Oakmen. His husband was unable to join him today, but-”

Husband? Virgil’s breath hitched. His husband, his husband, he’s gay, gay gay gay- His anxiety skyrocketed, and he couldn’t help the electric-like impulses that ran up his spine and out his fingers. He clenched his fist to hide the remaining twitches. 

She seemed to stumble over her words, trying to hide her shock. To her luck, the man interrupted, smiling softly down at Virgil.

“I’d like to speak to Virgil alone, if he’s alright with that.”

“I’ll be waiting just outside the door,” She said hurriedly, rushing out and closing the door behind her. And they were alone.

Janus looked at him for barely a second before taking a seat on the bottom bunk on the other side of the small room, folding his hands on his lap.

“Technically, I asked if you were okay with it, but…” He gestured weakly to the door. “Oh, well. I was told you don’t talk, Virgil.”

He stared in response, wrapping his fists up in the blanket. The man gave a breathy chuckle, but there was no animosity behind it.

“That’s okay. Just wanted to double check. Is it okay with you if I just talk, then?”

No adult had ever asked Virgil for permission for anything twice in under a minute. His social workers kind of just did what they had to, and he’d never been in a home where that kind of thing was the norm. It was more ‘the kids ask for everything, and the parents get what they want, no questions asked’. Needless to say, he was taken aback. 

He nodded weakly, realizing the man was waiting for a response. 

“Fabulous. Ignoring all the boring details you wouldn’t care about, my name is Janus. Like, from mythology, not a PTA mom. I’m thirty-five, and my husband Logan and I have been fostering since we were twenty-two, so we know what we’re doing. We love it.”

Virgil slowly let his legs unfurl, stretching them out in front of him under the blanket.

“We actually weren’t intending to foster this year, since Logan is looking for a new job. His current one just made it necessary for him to travel more than he would like to, so we wanted to press pause until he was happy at a new one. And then we got a call from good ole Bev out there.” He waved at the door again, cracking a smile. “She told us a little bit of your story, and Logan and I instantly said yes. If you’ll have us, that is.”

The vague idea of “why?” crossed Virgil’s mind, and it must have translated to his face, because Janus continued. 

“When I was fifteen, I came out to my parents as gay. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but they weren’t such big fans, and they put me in conversion therapy.”

His heart stopped. Another round of shocks through his arms. 

“We can talk about that more another day, if you want. I know that’s a tough topic for you. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Because it doesn’t work,” He shrugged, an annoyed tone finding its way into his words, “I understand what you’re going through, to an extent. If anyone can help you, it’s us. I’ve been there. And I promise, we’re fiercely protective. We’d never let anything bad happen to you.”

He stopped, leaning forward on his hands. Virgil realized he probably couldn’t see him that well except for his outline, due to him being pressed into the darkest corner of the room. Despite every cell in his body screaming that it was a trick, he scooted forward into the light of the lamp, still shaking. 

“There you are. Hello, Virgil.”

Virgil raised a trembling hand in a half hearted greeting. 

“I know this is a big, terrifying thing to ask of you. And I’ll understand if you say no. But if you feel safe, we’d love to have you for however long you’re comfortable with. Would you like to think it over?”

He nodded immediately. It wasn’t the hard ‘no’ he had expected himself to feel, and that was more unsettling than it should have been. 

“Okay. You do that. Take however long you need,” Janus said as he stood up, straightening his shirt, “It’s been great to meet you, Virgil.”

And he was gone. The social worker came back a short while later, but Virgil was completely gone by the time she did. He didn’t respond to her dinner calls, didn’t eat when the meal was placed in front of him, safely retreated into the silent part of his mind where he was safe from panic attacks and hard choices.

--- 

He said yes. Of course he did. He was far too intrigued by the man he’d met to refuse. He was scared shitless, that was a given; the first week after meeting Janus, he’d refused to leave his bed, refused to eat or shower or leave his huddle against the wall until the caretaker was basically pleading with him. Even then, it was a struggle to not throw up from sheer terror. 

But his social worker must have seen the way he was giving in, yearning for a grasp of hope in equal parts as his fear, because she set about to convince him. Promised more thorough checks once a week, daily phone calls to keep in touch, and an immediate pick up the moment he was unsure. Bit by bit his resolve was broken, until he finally agreed to give it a try, rushing from her presence moments later to hurl his dinner into the toilet. Hopefully his nerves would relax over time. 

The day came when he was to leave the group home, and he spent none of it in the present. He was so dissociated, so deeply embedded within his own mind, that he wasn’t even able to pack his belongings. His social worker was kind enough to do it for him (though the task itself took less than half an hour- he didn’t own that much) and he didn’t even notice she was in the room, talking, until his black garbage bag was placed on the bed in front of him. 

“ -unresponsive like this all day. We’re not sure what to do.”

“No doubt a response to his overwhelming fear of being placed in a new home after the disaster of his previous one. May I speak to him alone?”

“Of course.”

“Want me to leave too, Lo?”

“No, Janus, you can stay. It may be nice to have your expertise in the subject lest it become pertinent.”

There was some shuffling at the very corners of his consciousness, the light from the hallways lighting up the divots of his rumpled clothing bag, and one of the people were gone. His bedside lamp was flicked on.

“Thank you, Janus.” 

A weight on the bed was the first thing to really snap Virgil back to the presence, for the first time noticing the two men before him. The one standing, he recognized as Janus. The other sitting in front of him, though, he didn’t know. Virgil blinked rapidly, slowly pushing himself further back into his bed frame, despite how it dug into his shoulders. 

“Hello, Virgil. My name is Logan. I take it you’ve met my husband?”

Janus shot him a soft smirk, copying Virgil’s little wave from when they’d first interracted. He barely restrained a rush of twitches, playing it off as a shuffle to rearrange his blanket. 

“Do you think you could move forward just enough to place your feet on the ground? You don’t have to stand, just to begin the process of grounding?”

Virgil didn’t trust this guy for anything. He didn’t know his intentions, knew nothing about him, and his repressed mental state wasn’t making his cognitive reasoning any better. If Logan could help him ground, maybe it would be easier to figure out if they were trustworthy. Odd, that for this to work, he had to trust them enough to ground around them.

He scooted forward, letting his feet flutter off the bed and rest on the floor.

“Well done, Virgil. Press them to the floor firmly. Janus, do you have- ah, wonderful.”

Virgil looked up, nearly throwing himself back as Janus reached out a hand to him. There was something clutched in his fingers, but all the youngest could suddenly think was electrode electrode it’s going to hurt they’re going to hurt you don’t let it touch you don’tletittouchyou DON’T!

“It’s just gum, Virge, it’s okay.”

Oh. His hand paused as he reached out for the offering, a new thought coming to mind. Should he trust food from strangers? What if they’d drugged it, like his old foster home? He bit his lip, slowly retreating back into himself. 

The man seemed to see his hesitation, popping the piece into his mouth and offering one right from the package.

“I didn’t mess with it, I swear.” 

He took the gum, recoiling at the harsh taste almost instantly.

“Yeah, it doesn’t taste great. But I chewed like a pack of this a day when dissociation was a bitch. Snaps you back to the present like-”

“Language, Janus.”

“I’m sure he’s heard worse.”

“That doesn’t mean we should encourage it.”

Virgil couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. He hadn’t seen just casual bickering in a long time.

“We brought one more bribe-”

“It is not a bribe-”

He outright snorted at Logan’s aghast tone, slapping a hand over his mouth to muffle the noise. Janus looked utterly pleased with himself, slowly handing over a bundle he’d had wrapped under his arm. 

“Again, to help with grounding. And it’s a bit of a drive to our place, so maybe you can get some sleep in the car.”

It was a deep purple blanket, almost impossibly soft to the touch. Virgil couldn’t help run his fingers over the plush material, fighting the urge to just smash his face into it. Keeping an eye on the two, Virgil unfolded it and wrapped it tightly around himself, settling to just let his cheek rub against where it was draped over his shoulder.

It took another twenty minutes for him to feel able to walk without stumbling, but if he left the group home in a fuzzy blanket and starting to feel safer than he had in months, that was his to admit. And he wouldn’t… not yet.

-----------

Virgil stared down at the piece of paper clutched tightly in his hand, re-reading his shitty handwriting for the millionth time. He knew it was proper grammar, and nothing was spelled wrong, and it was clear and concise, but a part of him was still nervous about the idea of giving it to Janus. He was still hesitant to speak, and his new foster family was more than accommodating, giving him a small white board to write on, and even teaching him the most basic sign language for simple questions (courtesy of Logan). One day, he hoped he’d get his confidence back enough to speak, but right now, he felt no rush. 

Being surrounded with these new people, even for the three short weeks he’d been there, had already been enough to minimize his dissociating spells. Logan didn’t have to leave for another work trip for another week, and Janus worked from home anyways, so he was getting way more love and affection than he was ever used to. He hadn’t quite given in to Janus’ offered hugs, or any casual touch at all really, but he was getting used to one of the two just sitting with him for hours, covering him with weighted and fuzzy blankets, and gently distracting him with puzzles or that god-awful gum or just repeating where he was, and that he was safe. Was this what being loved was supposed to feel like?

So he trudged down the steps, hearing the shower running as he walked past the master bedroom, and slowly approached Janus at the dining room table. The man turned to greet him, giving him that soft smirk.

“Morning, kid. Happy birthday.”

Virgil smiled shyly, remembering the sign for thank you after a moment, and dropped the note onto the table next to Janus’ mug. He took a seat across from him, hiding his shaking hands in his lap, and watched with bated breath as he took the slip of paper and read it.

“‘How long did it take you to feel okay with Logan after CT?’ As in, feel okay dating a man?”

Virgil nodded and then, just for practice, signed yes. 

“The short answer? Probably two years, and I was still hesitant going into the relationship. It took us a longer time to get to the comfort level we’re at now. You need to go at your pace, Virgil. You shouldn’t force anything.” 

And then, as he tended to do when no one was there to fill the silence, he began to rant. This was also something Virgil was surprised he had come to enjoy, pulling up his feet so he could sit cross legged on the chair and setting his chin overtop his folded arms on the table. 

“I think it’s ridiculous that our basic human rights are still up for debate,” Janus sighed, taking a long sip of his tea, “Soulmarks are more than enough proof that we have no control over who we love- not that we should need that kind of proof to be validated. But people are afraid of what they don’t know, so they portray us as monsters who need to be fixed.” He’d begun rubbing absentmindedly at his wrist and Virgil’s eyes tracked the movement, noticing for the first time the small compass that was just a couple shades darker than the man’s skin. It almost blended in, and he probably never would have noticed it, if the small needle in the center weren’t slowly rotating towards the stairs. 

Logan entered the dining room from that direction, greeting his husband with a small kiss on the head and his foster child with a relaxed smile. He must have noticed Virgil’s occasional glance at the other’s wrist, wordlessly flipping over his own arm. His matching compass was pulling towards Janus’, an ever present symbol that they were meant to be together. Then, he patted his husband’s shoulder, going to get the coffee his husband always made for him. 

“You’re not broken, Virgil,” Janus murmured. Virgil’s head shot up, surprised at his bluntness, “You’re not. And if anyone tells you differently, they’ll have to deal with me,” He said firmly as he took a long sip.

“No threatening, Janus!”

Virgil snorted into his fist, grinning as Janus winked at him and said, “Sorry, Logan,” into his mug.

“Incorrigible.” Logan sighed as he exited the kitchen with his coffee, dropping into the seat between the two. “And happy birthday, Virgil. Would you like to choose what we have for breakfast, or would you like us to decide?”

That was something they’d learned about him quickly; he had awful choice paralysis. Choosing between two choices was already anxiety inducing, but a variety of things, like having to narrow it down to one food item? Lethal. Virgil quickly pointed to Logan, who chuckled. 

“French toast, then?”

Virgil nodded.

“I’ll get started on that in a moment. Janus, do you have his gift?”

“It’s in the living room, let me go get it.”

And that got his heart racing. ‘Gifts’ weren’t good things. They were leverage, blackmail, with a promise of a ‘returned favor’ in the near future. Virgil didn’t like things held against him like that. What if they gave him a present, and then demanded he pay them back for it the moment things weren’t peachy? Who was he kidding, he was in the honeymoon phase of this new foster family. It would take a month, like it did with the others, and then they’d find something about him that they hated and they’d force him to change it and he wouldn’t be able to refuse because they gave him food and shelter and above all, a gift on his birthday, and he would owe them a debt and he was stuck and-

“Virgil? What are five orange things you can see?”

His head popped up- when had he grabbed his hair like that?- and he noticed how heavily he was breathing. His foster parents were looking at him in concern, not pity, but legitimate concern for his well being (wack), Janus holding his hands behind his back. It was Logan that had spoken.

“Five orange things you can see, Virgil. You can just point.”

Don’t disappoint them more, his mind screamed, so he pointed at the far wall, near the entryway.

“The bridge on the calendar picture, very good. What else?”

Point through the pass through window into the kitchen.

“The sponge, well done. Three more.”

In front of Janus’ empty seat.

“The letters on the mug-”

Quick point to the book shelf in the living room.

“-and the book on my shelf. Last one?”

It took Virgil a longer moment before he found a cup of pens on the small coffee table behind the sofa, gesturing to the orange capped pen amongst the others. 

“Wonderful. Are you feeling a bit better now?”

He didn’t respond, choosing to track Janus’ movements as he sat back into his chair, adjusting his hands so they were on his lap, most likely holding the gift he was hiding. Logan leaned against the couch as his husband spoke.

“Kid, I need you to understand something, alright? You don’t owe us anything. We want to give you a gift because it’s your birthday, and we want to celebrate you. This isn’t some favor that you have to return.”

How Janus understood Virgil’s distress, the younger could only guess. But his words of reassurance were enough to get Virgil to accept the wrapped package as he presented it with minimal shaking, for once demanding his brain relax. Neither of the men mentioned how delicately he unwrapped it, carefully tugging at the tape as to not rip the paper. Why risk it?

His mouth gaped when he saw the present for the first time, holding the box in a white knuckled grip.

“We were told yours was taken from you and never returned, and figured that you needed a new one,” Logan said. 

It was the first new thing Virgil had ever gotten. His clothes were from thrift stores or hand downs, his school supplies consisted of a found pencil and a ripped binder from the group home’s storage, forget ever having his own computer or video games or…

“This is a phone!”

“That it is.” Janus was smiling, taking a sip of his now lukewarm tea.

“I can’t- You can’t just- I don’t-” 

“We can, and we did. You’re seventeen, you kind of need a phone just for everyday life. And unless you give us a reason not to trust you with it, we have no worries.”

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t- 

Janus slid the tissue box across the table, but Virgil elected to ignore it, refusing to take his eyes off the box in his hands. 

“Thank you,” he barely choked out, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome, Virgil,” Logan responded for the both of them, returning back to the kitchen nonchalantly as if he hadn’t just given Virgil more than he’d ever gotten in his entire life combined. “I’m going to start on breakfast.”

“I can help you set it up. Then you can download some music… maybe contact the soulmate of yours again.” Janus switched chairs so he was next to Virgil, careful not to touch him, and Virgil couldn’t help grinning blindingly up at him.

It would only be after breakfast that Virgil would realize that he’d spoken. It would be a longer journey until he’d be able to talk again effortlessly, but he was a step closer. 

Part 4 HERE!

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[resident-leevil-old]

RCW's RE8 Continuity

Raccoon City Winters: Village [1]

In the re8 continuity, I'd say the Winters family were even closer than they were in canon (even if only possible by a smidge).

In the three years that have passed since the Bakers Incident, Eveline's aging process had been permanently stabilized and she had started to age normally. She'd also became accustomed to the regular outside world, and spends any time she can outside.

Ethan and Mia both started going to therapy again, as the whole incident reminded them both of the events that happened in Raccoon City back when they were kids. Kyde and Zoe stay in frequent contact with them, and it becomes a bi-weekly thing for all of them to video call each other to catch up with each other.

Chris occasionally visits from time to time, disguising his visits as "mandatory check-ups" but in reality he just wants to see how well they're doing. Things are alright for a long time.

And then a baby is born! Eveline is ecstatic to have a younger sister, she calls out possible names like rapid fire. Ethan and Mia have bought so many things that are probably unnecessary but they won't risk a thing. They settle on the name Rosemary.

-

Mia realized. 3 years and 6 months later, she realized. She'd not noticed the difference, Ethan was always this way- how could she have noticed? The signs were way too similar to how they'd ben before.

This time- no, this time she wouldn't hide it from him. She tells him Monday. He doesn't react, Mia figures its best to give him time.

Tuesday, he forgets, looks at Mia in confusion when she asks him how he felt now.

Wednesday, he sits in the greenhouse with Rose for the entire day and only moves to feed her, then headed back to the greenhouse.

Thursday, Mia tries to tell him again, but she stumbles and begins to cry because she doesn't know why its so hard. He holds her in his arms until she cried herself to sleep.

Friday, Ethan lets her sleep, realizing she'd been stressed though not knowing what. He doesn't let her work herself too much, insists she just rested for the entire day. Mia sighs, and she does.

Saturday, she tried again. It's Rose's birthday, but she knew she couldn't stall this anymore or she'd stop trying. Ethan tells her a doctor wanted to see Rose soon, and Mia swore she tried to tell him. The words were right there and then-

"The only thing that matters is you and the kids."

It reminded Mia too much, of the Bakers situation, of Eveline when she was smaller, of Eveline telling her that she would happily die if it meant she got to spend time with her. Ethan gets a call from work, and Mia cursed herself for fucking it all up again.

She writes a note saying she'd gone to the store to buy some things. She hadn't planned to, but it was all that came to mind. Anything to get her out of the house so she could stop fucking up.

Mia Winters writes on the note that she will be back. Mia Winters never returned.

-

Ethan hoped he hadn't made Mia too upset. She'd told him before what Eveline had said to her so many years ago, and what did he do? Show nearly the exact same lack of care for himself.

He hangs up the call, heads downstairs to talk to Mia. Eveline tells him she left a note, went to the store. There's guilt he feels, heavy in his chest. She was upset, he knew it. Mia didn't leave like that unless she was upset.

Eveline tells him not to worry about it, Mom will be back soon and you two can talk it all out. Ethan only sat there and nodded, as Eveline made her way up the stairs.

He doesn't realize he never said anything to Eveline.

-

Mom was home!

Eveline smiled as Mom walked through the door with a few bags in her hands. Eveline called out "Mom's back!," took the bags herself (after convincing Mom she could hold them all) and went on to the kitchen with them. Dad, like an overgrown puppy, poked his head out from around the corner and went to talk to her.

Eveline forced herself not to listen in. Or, well, she tuned in to another channel, at the very least (it was the only way she could avoid eavesdropping on them). She puts the groceries in the fridge, purposefully takes a long time in order to keep herself distracted while the potted plants in the kitchen windowsill whisper incoherent things.

The last thing Eveline picked out of the bags was a bottle of wine. There was a distinct smell coming from the wine, one that reminded her of-

It smelled like blood. It smelled like blood? That was weird. This was weird. Eveline puts the wine away, but the smell remains in the back of her mind.

-

From his place on the floor next to Mia's legs, Ethan looked up at her and listened as she told a story that outright gave him chills. He tells her so, when she finished the book, but she only laughs quietly while Eveline gives a "review" in how the story wasn't that scary. She gives him Rose as a timer in the kitchen goes off, tells him to put the kids to bed for the night.

Ethan herds Eveline along, despite her protests of not being that tired. He puts Rose in her crib, and tucks Eveline in bed. His sits with the two of them for a few minutes, smiling as Eveline tried to give every excuse under the book to convince him to let her stay up. Eventually Mia calls him down, and so he says goodnight to both of his daughters, and heads back downstairs, where Mia had been cooking in the kitchen.

-

Eveline heard the sound of gunshots from downstairs merely moments after she felt the creature, and she scrambled out of her bed far too late to stop anything from happening. She hears shouting, as she moved over to pick Rose out of her crib, holding her little sister the way she'd been taught- she remembered- as she cried loudly, frightened by the sudden loud noises.

Eveline tried to calm her, and just as she did so, there's someone in her room- BSAA, a soldier who worked for them, holding a gun. He said something Eveline couldn't quite hear in her startled and confused state.

The soldier reached for Rose- Eveline's face twisted into protective anger. She warns the man to stay away from her sister, tells him not to touch her. He says something again, and before Eveline could react, Rose is pulled from her arms and Eveline fell to the ground. Her vision slowly faded to black as she laid on her side, staring at a needle that'd been sticking out of her arm. She looked away, her eyes staring open long enough to see Rose being taken away and someone else coming over to pick her up..

-

"The packages have been secured, sir."

The words feel like venom in Ethan's ears. He turned his head towards the sound of the voice and his heart dropped.

they had his daughters that had his kids why do they what do they want rose eveline my kids they have my kids tjey have my kids they have my kids-

Ethan panics. Of course he does, his children are in danger, and his wife- Mia, she's- His head hurts, and he can barely hear anything while his ears ring as he hyperfocused on the two soldiers each carrying one of his daughters and for a split second he feels like he's becoming disconnected with his own body and-

When he opened his eyes again, he'd been laying face first in snow. Beside him was a truck that was flipped over, the back door completely ripped off. He laid there, on the ground, his vision blurry and ears ringing. Someone's moving his arm.

Eveline.

It's Eveline.

Ethan pushed himself up off of the ground, taking a moment to balance himself. Eveline slowly stands with him, leaning against him as she held her left arm. She tells him a phone rang, that she answered it, but it cut out after a moment. Rose is gone, and Eveline isn't sure where she's been taken.

He tells her not to worry, before looking around them, hoping there was something that could help. He notices footprints leading towards the path filled with trees.

Unsure of where else to go, Ethan takes a deep breath, takes a hold of his daughter's hand, and told her they'd have to follow the footprints. She nods, visibly too unenergized to protest just how bad an idea that could be, and holds onto his hand tightly.

Together, the both of them walk forward slowly in silence, only sound being the snow of snow crunching underneath their feet.

[jawritter]

Saving Grace

Summary:  Some things are worth fighting for, even when they think they’re not. You can either roll over and die, or you can pick yourself up off the ground and go get what you want. That’s the place Y/N now finds herself in.

Warnings: Angst, so much angst, heartbreak, breakup, language. 

Word Count: 1335

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Prompt: 15: The red tail lights was the last thing she saw.

A/N: This fic was written for @jay-and-dean 2k To Be Continued celebration! Congrats on your new milestone hun! Since this challenge is called the “to be continued” challenge. I thought it best to leave this one in a bit of an open ending **Inserts evil laugh here**. This fic is totally unbeta’d and all mistakes are my own! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! Hope you guys enjoy this one!

Want more? Check out my Masterlist! If that’s not enough join me on Patreon, and get exclusive fics and series first!!

**MASTERLIST**        **BECOME A PATREON**

The red tail lights was the last thing she saw. Still, Dean saw a much worse view. The view of her tear-streaked face cast with an almost eerie red glow as he pulled out of the mud slick driveway, and onto the main road. He watched the rearview mirror until he couldn’t see her anymore. 

His dad had always taught him never to show emotions. “Real men don’t cry,” he’d said. It took everything in Dean to hold the burning wave of tears back as he refocused his eyes on the road, leaving yet another piece of his heart behind. 

Sam watched his brother closely. He could see the strain in his neck and shoulders and he kept a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and a death glare on the road. Dean could feel Sam’s eyes on him, even though Sam dared not say anything to his older brother. 

That was the longest drive to the bunker he’d ever made in his life, and fighting the inevitable breakdown was getting harder and harder with each passing mile. All he could see was her. That hurt look on her face. Her heart, breaking into pieces. He’d done that. He’d caused her more pain. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain. That’s why he fucking told her they couldn’t keep doing this. That’s why he told her that it was over. 

“It’s for the best, she’s safe now,” he told himself over and over again, but it was getting harder and harder to convince himself of that right now. 

With each step he took into the grave-like silence that filled the bunker his chest felt heavier. He got as far as the map table before the first tear slipped down his face. He refused to acknowledge the weakness, and when Sam’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, he jerked away hard, murmuring something about getting some sleep. 

Sam wanted to help him, that’s all, but there was no fixing this. There was no putting Dean back together this time. He didn’t really let himself cry in earnest until he was safely locked in his room, with an open bottle of Tennessee's finest. 

This was it, his curse. Some cruel joke Chuck had slapped on him his whole life. Loneliness. He tried to drown it in alcohol, and when he was younger he tried to drown it in young women. It never filled the void the way Y/N did, it never will. 

Dean pulled out his phone and started looking through the photos of the two of them over the last six months, and damn if that didn’t rip yet another fresh whole in his chest.

Her smile was his everything. It was his reason for getting up in the morning, and the only reason he’d kept going this long, and not given up and taken the easy way out. She loved him, really loved him. She’d woken a part of him up that he never knew could exist inside the fucked up, broken shell of the former man he once was. 

Now… Well, now that man was dying, and fuck if that didn’t hurt worse than anything he’d ever lost in his life. 

Over two hours south of where Dean was now, Y/N sat in the driveway with the rain beating down on her already soaked clothes as if it could wash away the crippling heartbreak she felt right now. 

The mud she was kneeling in from where she hit her knees the moment those horrible red taillights were no longer in sight. She’d been there for almost two hours. She couldn’t cry anymore. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t even think clearly for nearly two hours. She just knelt there in misery. 

If he would have been man enough to just pull his gun and shoot her in the head it would have been more merciful than what he’d just done to her. It would have been quick, painless even. But no, he decided to leave her a half-dead shell of a human, kneeling in the pouring rain, unable to even pick herself up from where he’d left her standing. 

“It’s better this way sweetheart,” he’d said. “You’re safer without me. I'm poison baby, you don’t deserve to follow me down this road that’s only going to end up in more hurt and heartache. You don’t deserve that.”

Well, fuck if he wasn’t wrong. She would have taken death for him, and taken it gladly. Torture couldn’t put a dent in what she was feeling right now. She feared no monster, no demon, she could and had faced all those things, and came back stronger. This was different. This was inescapable. This was going to kill her. 

“No,” she finally said, grabbing the tale gate of her old Nissan V6 that she’d been kneeling by and using it to force herself to stand.

She knew Dean was hell-bent on “keeping her safe,” but dammit she’d been keeping herself safe for the last 15 years she’d been a hunter. So what gave him the right to make the decision that he wasn’t worth whatever pain was to come? 

Once she was inside the house, she quickly changed her clothes into something dry and dialed Sam’s number. She knew Sam almost as well as she knew Dean, and she knew he thought his brother deserved to be happy. He was happy with her. Sam had told her so, and Sam wouldn’t lie about that.

She’d just slammed the door to the old truck, and pressed the clutch to the floor, starting the engine with a roar as she tried to force the old truck in reverse quicker than what it really liked when Sam answered the phone. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked as you pulled onto the blacktop, shifting gears as you gained speed, heading for the bunker as fast as the old truck could go.

“I’m fine, how’s Dean?” she asked, her chest tight with panic. She knew him, her Dean, and if she was in this bad of shape, then she could only imagine what he was going through. 

“Not good,” Sam answered simply. That was it, all she needed to hear. 

“I’m on my way Sam, he’s not going to get rid of me that easily.” 

Sam let out a huff of breath that you could tell was the first real one he’d taken all night long. 

“Thank God,” he breathed as she hung up the phone, that old truck roaring in the background as she sped their way as fast as it could carry her. 

He knew his brother was hurting more than he’d ever seen him hurt. He’d been sitting in the hall or almost an hour listening to him cry himself to sleep, something he’d rarely ever heard him do maybe only once, and that was when Mary had been taken away from him the second time. He needed Y/N, and she needed him. 

Thankfully she seemed stubborn enough to keep him from destroying the only good thing he’d ever had. So he pulled himself up from the floor and cracked the door open to see Dean on his stomach with an empty whiskey bottle in his hand, and his mouth slack with sleep. He slipped inside, and removed his boats, and put them down beside the bed, pulling the covers over him knowing Y/N would take care of the rest when she got here.

This life wasn’t easy, and Dean didn’t need to make it harder on himself when there was finally someone that was willing to fight for him the way he deserves, and Y/N was just that person. 

“Hang in there Dean. She’s almost home,” he said as he tucked the covers around his brother’s sleeping form and went to wait in the library for what he was convinced would be his big brother’s saving grace.

Forever Tags: @deanmonandnegansbitch @hayleeharling @flamencodiva @coldmuffinbanditshoe @bxbyizzy @rain-dance-goblin @itmejado @supernatural3002 @teresa-67 @deanwanddamons @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @lyss-dw79 @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624 @busy-bee-angel-misska @justanotherwinchester @brilovesdeanwinchester @idksupernatural​   @lyarr24 @amandamdiehl​ @love-jackles @miraclesoflove​  @Waywardsistershay @emoryhemsworth​ @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ @softsebastian​ @tatted-trina6​

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

AUs that live in my head rent free

*multiple ships*

Jercy sports AU where Percy is a basketball player, Jason is a soccer (football) player. They meet at a sports awards show and both get Player of the Year awards in their fields. It's inevitable that they challenge each other to their pertaining sports and laugh hysterically at the attempts. Because their sports seasons are at different times in the year (don't come at me if they aren't in real life I don't give a shit about sports) they go to each others games and every goal/basket scored they point at each other and it's like the whole world narrows to that single moment. They are legendary in the sporting world. When they retire they open up a sports school and recruit fellow friends from other sporting professions. Annabeth is an Olympic gold medalist swimmer, Frank is unbelievable at tennis.

Valjackson childhood best friends AU where Percy's mom and Leo's mom were best friends their whole lives and therefore their children spent a lot of time together. Leo and Percy used to terrorize Sally's sweetshop and Esperanza's workshop. They learnt how to be the cutest troublemakers and could not be separated by the strongest forces in the world. They had girls falling all over them but neither was interested. Despite Percy being bi and Leo being pan. It seemed every relationship they tried to enter into didn't work out. There was always something missing. They realize what it is 2 months before they go to college. Percy gets accepted into one across the country and they both panic at the thought of being separated. They have a fallout and it is miserable for both of them. It takes some needling from their mothers, and giggles over coffee later, before they realize why they're so upset. They both storm our of their houses at the same time, just down the street from each other as it had been their whole lives, and slam together. "I don't want you to leave. I love you. I am in love with you Jackson." Percy chokes, tears blurring his pretty green eyes. "I know. I love you too. But we will see each other again. And I will come back. And we will be together." It seems the fates were on their side because although they didn't promise commitment to each other through the college years it felt unnatural to be with anyone else. So they stayed single, and met during the vacations and loved each other from a far. And when college was finally over they fell into each other so naturally it's as if they had never been separated. Now they live a few streets down from their mothers, who ended up moving in together as best friends who had wanted to do it all those years ago. Family dinners and full of cringy memories and soft looks. They were born already together. They die that way too.

Pipabeth coffee shop AU, where they both work at the cute Cafe on main Street. Piper is new and Annabeth, who is busy and impatient, has to show her the ropes. For the first two weeks they open up shop together. Annabeth is not a morning person. Piper most definitely is. They eventually fall in love in the break room and it is horrible how cute they are. The cafe patrons either give them filthy looks or coo. They're both university students when they meet. It takes them 3 years to get together. It takes them 2 to marry. Piper goes on to become a school teacher. Annabeth opens her own coffee shop. They still do the morning shift together.

Percabeth theater kids AU where percy is the shy accidental lead in the play because he was messing around in the auditorium of the school and the drama teacher heard him sing and demanded he sign ip for auditions. Annabeth is part of the tech crew and cannot help but be mesmerized everytime Percy is on stage. They learn of each other when Percy has a costume emergency during the first dress rehearsal and she's in the wings to help him about 30 seconds before he goes on stage. He gives her roses to thank her and it is the end. They're together from that moment on. Who knows if they last, they live on forevermore in the wings of the stage.

Valgrace teacher AU where Jason is the new history teacher at a high school and Leo, the maths teacher, takes great delight in having his student prank Jason's classroom on the daily. It is especially fun when the blonde comes storming in all red in his golden face and then immediately schools his expression into one of pointed calm when he sees Leo has students. It's always a clipped "Can I please talk to you Mr Valdez." Leo has never been able to hide his grin. One prank goes a little awhol though and Jason's classroom is a mess. Leo helps clean up after school and the tension of three months of back and forth turns electric in an instant. They become the couple the students giggle over. Jason refuses to partake in any affectionate activities during school hours. Leo takes it as a challenge to sneak as many forehead and cheek kisses in as possible. They spend their evenings grading papers and sipping tea. Leo eases his husband's glasses off his face and grabs a blanket before squishing himself onto the couch with Jason. They fall asleep like that many times a month. It never stops.

McJackson theme park workers AU where they challenge each other to the scariest Rollercoasters right after lunch and whoever throws up first has to do park rounds. They're at a tie but Percy is determined to win. So he challenges Piper to ride their two scariest rollers one after the other for half an hour. Piper who can never say no to a dare does it. She throws up so violently Percy has to take over her shift for three days. He brings her soup, and bland toast, and peppermint tea. She laughs at his doting and he mumbles apologies for the guilt of making her bedridden. He says he'll do any dare she asks, so she has some justice. She gives him a glittering smirk and says "any dare?" He should have known then he'd be in trouble but he nods anyway. "I dare you to kiss me." They've been happily terrorizing park guests ever since. And now they both go on terrible rides and get sick and egg each other on. And they are best friends with the added bonus of kissing each other thrown in. When Percy proposes it is so on brand for then their friends groan when they hear the recount. "I dare you to marry me." Piper has never been so happy to complete a dare in her life.

Leobeth as stressed out engineering students AU. They meet in the library when they both go to the printer at the same time and find out its broken. It's 2am and Annabeth just wanted to print her notes so she could start on the grueling process of actually studying them. Leo laughs when she kicks the machine and then fixes it with ridiculous speed. She's grateful enough to throw her arms around him and buy him coffee. They end up studying together often and help each other with theories and concepts they aren't quite grasping. They kind of fall into love, tinkering their friendship just as Leo tinkered with the printer. One day they were groaning over notes and the next Annabeth was kissing Leo because she got an A on her test and she was so happy she was beside herself. He pulls her in for another one and the kiss promised forever. They did everything together after that. Studied, graduated, succeeded. And when they got married Leo printed his vows over her study notes, and gifted her a little printer pendant that she wore on her necklace of beads. Annabeth laughed herself silly and never took it off.

[pogueshomecoming]

pogueshomecoming's masterlist

last updated: march 11th, 2021

✮I will only write for the pogues + sarah. I don’t feel comfortable writing for the actors or Topper, Rafe, Kelce, or anyone else.

✮ i don’t take smut requests. i might write it on my own if i feel inspired to do so.

✮ here’s the link to join my taglists

✮ here’s the link to send me a request

✮ here’s the the link for the fics/requests I’m working on, I’ll try to update it regularly :)

✮ be patient! i’m not as inspired for requests right now, but feel free to send them and i’ll get to them when i can 

fics are below the cut so this isn’t a forever long post on your dash :)

JOHN B. ROUTLEDGE

⤷ you scared me - john b x reader

      - john b isn’t home and everyone panics, but specifically the reader because they’re unofficially official - posted may 13, 2020 - 2.9k words

⤷ best friend - platonic john b x reader

      - y/n and jj get into an argument and they’re both pissed so y/n goes to her best friend, john b, to rant. - posted may 16, 2020 - 1.4k words

⤷ should’ve gone on a boat ride - platonic john b x reader x jj maybank 

      - if jj and john b had taken you out on the HMS Pogue like you had asked, they wouldn’t have started arguing over the gun, and in turn, you wouldn’t have gotten shot. - posted may 25, 2020 - 1.1k words

⤷ 3 am - john b x reader

      - you have a habit of waking John B up at 3 am, but this particular time he realizes he loves you. - posted june 9, 2020 - 973 words

⤷ cake - john b x reader

      - you and john b make a cake, but it ends in an absolute mess - posted June 15, 2020 - 1.5k words

⤷ lover - john b x reader

      - based on the song by taylor swift. you spend a night reminiscing about yours and John B’s relationship - posted june 27, 2020 - 1.5k words

⤷ you’ll always have a place here - john b x reader

      - after finding out his past, your parents make sure John B feels welcome in their home. - posted july 5, 2020 - 1.6k words

⤷ things have to change - john b x reader

      - john b leaves on a treasure hunt lead with no communication yet again and you’re sick of waiting for things to change. - posted july 17, 2020 - 2k words

JJ MAYBANK

⤷ cocaine - jj maybank x reader

      - jj does cocaine at a kook party and starts acting like his father. y/n is the one that sets him straight. - posted may 15, 2020 - 3.1k words

⤷ if the world was ending - jj maybank x reader

      - john b and sarah are gone. kie and pope went home with their parents. you’re the last person jj knows he can go to. - posted may 19, 2020 - 2.4k words

⤷ bruises - jj maybank x reader

      - jj gets aggressive one night while he’s drunk and doesn’t remember leaving the bruises, so he asks you where they came from. - posted may 21, 2020 - 1.7k words

      - part two - you forgive jj, but sometimes it’s not that easy - posted july 1, 2020 - 2.5k words

⤷ should’ve gone on a boat ride - platonic jj maybank x reader x john b

      - if jj and john b had taken you out on the HMS Pogue like you had asked, they wouldn’t have started arguing over the gun, and in turn, you wouldn’t have gotten shot. - posted may 25, 2020 - 1.1k words

⤷ sunset boat trip - jj maybank x reader

      - when you, a cute traveling photographer, ask the pogues to join one of their sunset boat trips, JJ is intrigued immediately and has to ask you on a date. - posted June 3, 2020 - 1.9k words

⤷ let me in - jj maybank x reader

      - your parents tell you they won’t be home for your birthday so you’re stuck home alone and sad during a storm when JJ shows up with pizza and beer. - posted June 15, 2020 - 1k words

⤷ you slept with my best friend - jj maybank x reader

      - after a long day of work, you stumble into the chateau barely awake mistake john b’s room for jj’s. when jj wakes up without you and finds you in his best friends bed, he’s upset. - posted july 3, 2020 - 2.1k words

⤷ stolen kiss - jj maybank x reader

     - jj shows up at your house after a rough night with his father. after he falls asleep you attempt to give him a kiss on the cheek but he turns his head. - posted september 2, 2020 - 700-800 words

⤷ so I thought - jj maybank x reader

     - without closure of any kind, after the breakup jj is wondering if you were ever truthful during your relationship. - posted october 29, 2020 - 1.5k words

⤷ like to be you - jj maybank x reader

     - based on the song like to be you by shawn mendes. jj gets into another brawl with his dad and it leads to an argument that reiterates how different your lives are. - posted november 7, 2020 - 2.5k

⤷ forever after all - jj maybank x reader

     - people always told you and jj that your relationship wouldn’t last, but they were wrong. - posted november 14, 2020 - 700 words

⤷ the one where you and jj share a sleeping bag - jj maybank x reader

     - jj tries to prank you by leaving your tent at home, and it’s funny until john b makes him share with you. - posted november   , 2020 - 

⤷ I should probably go to bed - jj maybank x reader

     - jj is convinced to go to his first kegger after the break up but he finds out that you’re going to be there. based on the song by dan + shay - posted november   , 2020 -

⤷ outnumbered - jj maybank x reader

     - jj is exhausted after another long day and you’re there to remind him that there’s always someone in his corner. based on the song by dermot kennedy. - posted november 28th, 2020 - 1.1k words

⤷ train wreck - jj maybank x reader      -  jj finds himself on the beach bloody, broken, and bruised only a week after john b and sarah got lost at sea. can he pick himself up? - posted february 27th, 2021 - 800 words

⤷ slow dancing in the dark - jj maybank x reader      -  you’d been dating topper but fooling around with jj, until the latter finally makes you choose - posted march 6th, 2021 - 2.6k words

⤷ we can’t be friends - jj maybank x reader       -  in the past you told jj you had feeling for him, he rejected you, he wanted to still be friends - but what happens when that doesn’t work? - posted march 13th, 2021 - 3.2k words

⤷ remember that night? - jj maybank x reader      -  ex boyfriend!jj is drunk and texts you six months after the break up - posted march 20th, 2021 - 3.1k words

KIARA CARRERA

⤷ secret girlfriend - kie x reader

      - Kie starts making excuses to leave early and spends less time with the pogues and they get suspicious so they follow her one day to find out she likes girls and has a girlfriend. - posted may 22, 2020 - 2.1k words 

⤷ I love you - kie x reader 

      - song fic inspired by I love you by Billie Eilish. Kie tells you how she feels but you’re too afraid to reciprocate. - posted may 23, 2029 - 953 words

⤷ milestones - kie x reader

      - milestones throughout yours and Kie’s relationship: first hello, first goodbye, second hello, first kiss, first date, making it official, telling the pogues, and first I love you. - posted may 24, 2020 - 3.4k words

⤷ she’s got a boyfriend - kie x bi!reader

     - kie is your best friend who’s also in love with you, but you have a boyfriend. well, until you don’t, and kie takes her chance to tell you. - posted may 26, 2020 - 2.6k words

⤷ I brought soup - kie x reader

      - you’re sick and you try to hide from Kie at the Chateau but it doesn’t work and she insists on taking care of you. - posted June 2, 2020 - 1.1k words

⤷ please hold me - kie x reader

      - kie has had a terrible, no good, very awful day and just wants you to hold her. - posted june 15, 2020 - 1.1k words

⤷ closure - kie x reader

     - a year after you left the outer banks, you decide it’s time for closure. not only with your best friends but with the girl you love. - posted september 9, 2020 - 4.7k words

POPE HEYWARD

don’t have any fics in progress for pope yet! feel free to request something.

SARAH CAMERON

⤷ hold me while you wait - Sarah x reader

      - Sarah is your girlfriend, and it’s been absolutely amazing, until one day she decides that it isn’t what she wants anymore. - posted may 27, 2020 - 1.3k words

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Sink Or Swim

tag list: @cleocc @feeling-kinda-so-so @hopelessromanticvirgo @dreamy-slytherin @adora8 @lockerfivethreefive @painfully-oblivious @poeticinemaa @jjustonemorething @sassy-sara @wedarkacademia @coolguyssyndrome @hischbabe @suckerforsobbe @tayspots @starmansander @theah0lt @zoenneforever @invisibleme @chibibanane @odi-et-amo85 @watermelonlover-123

~^~

Saturday, 13:20

Song: Benny - Boys Will Be Boys

Jens watches the story again, watches a redheaded girl he doesn’t know wrap her arm around Lucas’s neck and pull him into the frame. The two of them grin cheesily at the camera, Lucas’s eyes squinted exaggeratedly, happily, as the girl hollers a ‘happy birthday’ and presses a kiss to his cheek. Next is a full shot of the party, reposted from the same girl, then a recording of Lucas’s own, with a shorter girl with a head of curls who Jens thinks is Isa, and then the boys he recognises as Kes and Jayden. All of them giving Lucas the same cheerful, enthusiastic wishes.

Happy birthday.

He had woken up to Lucas’s post, with the balloons leaving no doubt as to its purpose.

He’s startled from examining further when his door opens and Moyo slips inside, smiling easily at him and instantly flopping onto his bed. “Hey man. Oh, is that Lucas’s party? Why the fuck didn’t we know it was his birthday?”

Jens stares at him, brows raised and lips slightly parted. “What are you doing here?”

Moyo raises a brow back. “You invited me?” He gives a small laugh as Jens continues to look on in confusion. “Dude, where is your head at these days? Remember on Thursday at lunch when Lucas was talking about going home and you got all pouty so I asked if you wanted to hang out? And you said to come here?”

“Right,” Jens eventually allows. It does poke vaguely at his memories, but it’s quite unclear. Still, it isn’t as if he’s going to turn Moyo away. He has no reason to. It’s better than staring at his phone any longer. “Cool.”

Moyo snorts. “Okay, cool. I also texted you when I was leaving my house. And you didn’t reply. Which is why your mom had to let me in.”

Jens furrows his brows before drawing down the notification bar on his phone. He purses his lips when he sees the text from Moyo, wondering how he had taken on such an absentminded focus that he missed it completely. “You did.”

“But I can see you were preoccupied,” Moyo raises his brows. “Didn’t you already see them when you woke up?”

“Yeah,” Jens mumbles.

“So what’s the obsession?”

“I’m not obsessed. Just, trying to see who I know.”

Moyo snorts again. “If you know anyone other than Lucas in those dark, blurry ass shots, I think that’s a little bit obsessed. I know he’s your new favourite toy but surely you can survive without him for one day.”

Jens feels angry, suddenly. He isn’t sure if he’s right to be, knows that Moyo probably doesn’t mean anything by it, but he’s already upset and so incredibly tired. It leaves him wrinkling his nose in distaste and sitting up and away. “Why do you always have to make it out like everything is so gross? You know there’s a way to make a point without fucking making fun all the time?”

It feels surprisingly good to get it out, and where he expects regret to claw through his chest, a small stream of relief flows through him instead.

However, it leaves Moyo’s brows shooting towards his hairline. “Sorry, man. What has you so pissy?”

He sits up next to Jens, bumping his elbow gently, and now he begins to feel a little bad. Still, the upset hasn’t quite run out. “Why do you think it’s so wrong for me to care about Lucas?”

“What?” Moyo frowns. “I never said that. Lucas is cool, I’m glad we’re all friends with him.”

“He’s not my friend.”

The words slip out before Jens can stop them, and then there’s no taking them back.

Moyo’s frown melts away in his confusion as his brow furrows again. Then he lets out a small, somewhat nervous laugh. “What, are you that pissed you didn’t get to join the party?”

“I am,” Jens agrees easily, then has to pause, has to center himself. He thinks of Robbe yesterday, so happy and understanding, and of Lucas just before he left, so happy and excited, and of Moyo a year ago, laughing at the idea of anyone being bi, nose wrinkled at how ‘gross’ it appeared to him.

Then he thinks of how that was a year ago.

Then he says, “I am pissed, because my boyfriend didn’t even tell me it was his birthday and I don’t know why and because it doesn’t surprise me that the first thing you did is make fun of it.”

Moyo’s lips part, and he simply stares at him as they fall into silence. Jens looks back, trying not to let himself falter, trying not to let his fissures show or crack any further. It’s difficult, more so than he thought it would be, and he puts it down to the tumultuous feelings already raging through him after the surprises this morning. It also feels somewhat more terrifying to be voicing it in this room, under this roof. Perhaps this is where it should feel easiest, that it should be a safe place, but he finds his eyes flickering towards the door instead, making sure it’s shut tight. It’s not like it had been, wrapped up in Lucas’s warmth in their own little universe or under Robbe’s gentle gaze in a familiar setting. It’s nerve-wracking and nauseating, to listen for footsteps and watch Moyo look away from him.

Jens is inches away from pulling his hair out when Moyo finally turns back, appearing cautious as he licks his lips. “So you’re...you’re bi, or something?”

Jens’s heart clamours as he nods.

“And you’re with Lucas?”

“Just for about two weeks,” Jens says quietly.

Moyo’s brows raise, but he nods, once again licking his lips and averting his gaze. He focuses on a spot on the duvet as he speaks again. “Like...you’re into him? Like you would want to have sex with him, and everything?”

The little flicker of irritation returns. “Yeah, man, maybe, and I don’t need you telling me how it disgusts you or whatever, okay? Just—“

“I don’t think I ever want to have sex. With anyone.”

Jens snaps his mouth shut as his friend meets his gaze, surprised to have been interrupted.

He certainly hadn’t expected to be interrupted with that.

“What?”

Moyo makes himself small, hunching his shoulders slightly, but he keeps his gaze on Jens. It’s oddly full of nerves, alive with apprehension, overcast with doubt. Below it all, there’s a small hint of relief. Jens suddenly understands what’s happening.

“You don’t like sex?” he carefully pushes.

Moyo curls in on himself further, shrugging without opening his shoulders back up. “I’ve never had an actual experience to base it on, but the idea of it doesn’t actually appeal to me, no.”

All of this is admitted quietly, almost tersely as Moyo picks a thread loose in the sheet. Jens lets him, watchful and thoughtful, wondering where it is he’s supposed to take it from here. He hadn’t been prepared to come out to anyone today, but he hadn’t even considered the possibility that someone else would come out to him.

He has to admit, however, that he’s a little confused.

“But you talk about it all the time. About getting with girls, about what you’d do, and all your shitty dirty jokes?”

“That’s what we all talk about,” Moyo points out. “Aaron was whining over getting laid for months before Amber and it’s not like you’ve ever been shy about it. It’s what we’re supposed to talk about. Even Robbe isn’t as shy about it now. Like shit man, what else am I supposed to say?”

Jens eases up, letting his expression soften as he shifts slightly towards him, setting his phone aside entirely. “The truth,” he says gently. “Anything other than digging yourself into a deeper hole.”

“Yeah, because I wouldn’t have been the butt of the joke, the prude, if I just said I didn’t want to join in right?” Moyo scoffs, shaking his head as he turns to lean back against the headboard. “Don’t give me that.”

“Moyo,” Jens tries, but the words aren’t there. He knows, no matter how much it disappoints him, that his friend is right. They would have joked, and Jens would have been the main instigator.

He realises, with a sort of derisive amusement, that he’s as much the reason Moyo hadn’t come out to them as Moyo is the reason Jens hadn’t come out himself.

“I didn’t even realise what was wrong with me, why I revolted against it even while making dumb jokes or random passes. I thought it was just like, frustration, or jealousy even, that I didn’t actually have the experience. I knew that talking about it, wanting it, was the normal thing, the guy thing.”

Jens’s heart twists, and he’s instantly shaking his head back. “Bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Moyo snorts, shaking his head. He still won’t look at Jens. “Isn’t there? Fuck, I didn’t even understand it until Noor came onto me and I had to literally shove her away.”

This is another new surprising piece of information.

“Noor? Seriously?”

Moyo closes his eyes, nods his head, doesn’t say anything else. Jens remains quiet, as well, absorbing the information and giving Moyo room to think. It’s a dead sort of silence, not comfortable or awkward, but heavy. It’s only when Jens realises that Moyo isn’t going to offer anything else that he pushes a little further.

“When was that? I mean, the thing with Noor?”

Moyo shakes his head slightly, shrugging again. “Like two months ago maybe?”

“Two months?”

“I know.” Moyo purses his lips, picking at his nails as he stares down at his lap.

Jens thinks. “You’re not...forcing yourself to do anything, are you?”

Moyo finally looks at him, head whipping around as his brows knit together. “What? No. It’s not like that. Since then, she’s been helping me figure my shit out. Because I...I don’t know, I went into like this panic mood. It wasn’t even about kissing or sex it was like I realised I wasn’t attracted to her at all. Not physically. Like I know that Noor is beautiful, but it’s like I didn’t care. My mind could understand it and my body just didn’t feel it. And then I started to think about it and I’ve never actually been attracted to anyone. Not just Noor, just in general. Girls or guys. It confused the hell out of me, because I thought I did like her but I just...don’t think I can like anyone like that. Sexually.”

“Okay,” Jens nods slowly. “I’m still just not really understanding all your talk about something you have no interest in.”

“I’ve already told you. That’s what’s expected, y’know? That’s how you be a man.”

“Where is that shit coming from? Because I know it’s not your parents, and I hope it isn’t us.”

“No, not my parents, but what about the rest of my family? My uncles and even some of my cousins, I don’t know, it’s like fucking ingrained in them. I’ve ingrained it in myself. Even with you and Robbe, it’s different. They’d see it as like this minor error, but at least everything still works the same. With me it’s like...I don’t work, like this thing just isn’t there at all and—“

“Hey, hey, Moyo, woah,” Jens cuts him off, laying a placating hand on his friend’s shoulder. He waits for Moyo to steady himself, taking a deep breath with a clenched jaw, and then he gives a light tug to his shoulder. He has to do it again before Moyo actually gives in and looks at him, and then Jens keeps his expression serious. “Everything about you works whether you have sex with someone or not. Look at it like this. Your dick could be chopped right off, never able to use it, and you’d still be Moyo.”

He makes a cutting motion with his hand and then a sweep to the side as he makes a ‘phew’ noise through his teeth. It has the intended effect of making Moyo crack a smile even as he cringes, slapping Jens’s hand down with a shiver.

“And you said I make everything fucking gross, man. Jesus.”

Jens cracks, too, letting a small laugh escape as Moyo’s smile widens and his shoulders relax just so. “But it feels better, right?”

Moyo shrugs again, drawn-out and ashamed. “Still abnormal either way.”

“You’re not. You’re just asexual, I think.”

Moyo’s brows instantly shoot upwards. “You know what that is?”

Jens blinks at him. “Do you?”

“Dude, it’s been the only word in my head for weeks. Why do you know about it?”

“I kind of researched into everything when…”

He trails off, letting Moyo pick up on the implication himself, watches him purse his lips and give another nod. “Have you told anyone else?”

“Robbe, and only yesterday,” Jens admits. “You? Apart from Noor?”

Moyo purses his lips, shakes his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t react better to you actually...I mean, Jens, you know I have no problem with it right? What I said last year, it was really stupid. That’s not how I think anymore. Or at least, I’m trying not to think like that.”

“It’s okay,” Jens says softly. “I think I definitely understand a little better now. I’m sorry I haven’t made it easy for you to tell me, either.”

“We can circle back to me, okay? Right now we’re gonna talk about Lucas. You really didn’t know a thing about his birthday?”

Jens kind of wishes they could continue talking about Moyo, because in the last few minutes, he’d forgotten all about his own predicament. Now he’s forced to face it with a groan as he drags a hand over his face. “No. And I was telling myself it wasn’t that weird, because maybe it just hadn’t come up or he didn’t like celebrating or something, but now that you’re asking I feel like it’s weird.”

“Well maybe it is that. It looked kind of like a surprise party,” Moyo offers. “Maybe he just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Not with a new relationship.”

Jens isn’t quite sure why he flushes at that, but it makes Moyo’s lips tick slightly upwards. “Yeah,” he blows out a sigh, “but he also hasn’t messaged me. Like things were good yesterday before he left, and he fell asleep on the phone to me last night, and then like an hour later,” Jens makes a vague gesture, only waving his hand back and forth, but Moyo nods with a grimace.

“Maybe he’s stuck in bed. Hungover.”

“Maybe. It just freaks me out, ‘cause I know this is what he does when he’s pissed, or when something’s wrong. Gives me this radio silence. And I can’t go see him at his flat when he isn’t there.”

Moyo hums, then simply says, “Fuck. I’m kinda glad I’m not in this relationship game.”

Jens snorts, rubbing his hand over his face again as Moyo locks an arm around his shoulders and gives him a brief squeeze. “I thought Luc was going to be easier. These past few weeks have been, but,” he breaks off on a sigh, slumping back against his pillows as Moyo slips his arm out from behind him.

“You know what I think?” Moyo says. He waits for Jens to look at him before producing an unopened bag of weed. “I think you need some of your chill back.”

Jens only hesitates for a second before grinning and snatching the bag out of his hand.

[coco96]

LDAF - PP Romantic

Dangers Of The Job (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Arguing Fighting, mugging, injury, swearing Request: Could you do a male reader x peter Parker where they get into a heated argument about peter’s hero activities? They don’t talk for days until mreader gets mugged/hurt and peter saves the day and they fluff it out?

Break In (Peter Parker X Stark!Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Gun, shooting, severe injury Request: ... she has her own iron man suit and gets severely injured while she and peter are on a mission and peter blames himself for not being able to stop it. Lots of angst

New Braces (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Self-conscious reader Requests: ... reader and peter are dating and reader just got braces but is insecure and Peter just thinks they look cute

Arranged Plans Cancelled (Peter Parker X Fem!Stark!Reader) Warnings: Bad friends Request: Stark!Reader is often hurt by others, like people will arrange plans + blow her off/friends will make plans in front of her + not invite her. people will get her to do their homework for them bc they know she can’t say no. Peter Parker thinks its really unfair but she handles it really well + doesn’t make a fuss. one day Steve/Tony/someone accidentally upsets her (maybe they cancel plans she’s been really looking forward to or something) and Peter just loses it. she’s really shocked that he noticed and he’s standing up for her. She goes to Midtown too …

Pick Locking (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Minor injuries Request: … “ I teached you how to pick a lock and this is how you’re using that skill” For peter parker?

Meet My Girlfriend! (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... reader where they’re really close friends and do things that every one else assumes they’re a couple ... she goes w/ him to one of tonys parties ... + he introduces her as his gf without thinking + she’s really confused + he remembers he never actually asked her out?

Unwanted Messages (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Unwanted flirty messages, mention of homophobia Request: … Where the reader always leaves his things around and one day peter sees his phone and sees that she’s been getting messages from females saying flirtatious things and assumes that the reader is cheating on him. But there’s a happy ending

Feeling Insecure (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Swearing, self consciousness Request: … peter parker x bi!male reader that M!R is popular in school and has girls/boys throwing themselves at him and peter feels insecure that M!R will leave him for someone else but with a fluffy(happy) ending

Stolen Sweaters (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... Just he knows her from school. And something with her just walking around wearing his jumpers and they’re really big on her and he just thinks she’s really cute and just some wholesome love fluff? ...

Bringing the Boyfriend Home (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mention of tattoos, piercing and mild violence/threat Request: … peter wants to introduce male reader to the avengers but the male reader has like tattoos, piercings etc. And the avengers are skeptical of him but he ends up being/acting like a gentleman that he even makes an impression on the black window

New Kind of Helicopter Parenting (Peter Parker X Stark!Reader) Warnings: Being Spied on Request: Peter Parker × Stark! Reader FLOOFY??💜💜💜They’re in the tower and like watching movies and cuddling and the Avengers are spying at them (and Tony is like so excited cause his ship has sailed!!)

Overwhelmed (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: mention of neglect, divorce, dysfunctional family Request: … she’s in the year below him and is under a lot of stress because she has to help look after siblings and her siblings’ pets and keep up with school interventions and end of topic tests and big exams coming up. And Peter starts to notice that she’s not acting like herself and then she starts to cancel dates cos she doesn’t have time and he understands but wants to make sure she’s okay and she just breaks down so they cuddle and he says he’ll help

Only You (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Insecurity/ mild jealousy Request: ... reader and his best friend are like super friendly twords each other that other people think they are girlfriend/boyfriend and peter feels as if the male reader will leave him for her(best friend) but male reader reassures peter he’s the only one for him

Movie Scenes (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mention of explicit scene and sexual mention. Request: ... reader has to do an explicit erotic ... scene for a film and peter get jealous that he doesn’t speak to the MR. Then MR tries to figure out why peter is mad and then they just talk it out with peter in MRs arms. …

Dresses (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of Homophobia, arguing and yelling Request: … male reader and Peter are watching a show that includes drag queens and reader is like “is that ok? Can you dress like that and not get beat up?” And  peters response is “ you can, you might still get beat up but I’ll protect you!” … Bucky and Steve walk in on them … and one of them gets mad at reader for dressing like a girl and reader runs off crying … And eventually even though still uneasy whoever said it was wrong accepts it. …

Metallic Limbs (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of injury and loss of limbs, mention of surgery Request: … Reader is a quadruple amputee after the Chitauri attack in Manhattan. Tony, As the one who found her in the rubble, feels inclined to watch over her and help her in any way he can. So he has her fitted with state of the art cybernetic limbs. Years later, reader is coming to the avengers HQ to get a tune up and she meets the friendly neighbourhood sideman without the mask. Tony is unsure if he’s okay with them being so chummy together.

Hacker (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of cheating. Request: Can you do one where the reader is dating Peter and she’s a hacker who sells information to support herself (her parents are gone) and she knows Peter is Spider-Man and he somehow finds out who she is?

Tickle Fight! (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: … she’s a hacker and they’re at Stark towers working together(maybe she’s tony’s daughter?) He’s working on his web shooters and y/n is bored so she keeps giving him sneaky little tickles to distract him then pretends she’s innocent and after a while he starts a tickle fight being 100% done with her shit? Bonus if the avengers walk in and ship it? Thx luvly sorry it’s so long😚

Gliding (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Heights Request: ... she brings Peter to the Avengers tower balcony on a beautiful night to show her wings manifesting ... and then they she soon strongly carries him in his arms for a ride and when they get back to the balcony they have their first kiss?

Prom Night (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: The reader can control things like gravity, stars, cosmic energies( energies found in space) and other spacey things and can create blackholes and stars and things like that, and she asks peter out to prom by making him a constellation with her powers. She can manipulate bodies in space but also has powers on earth that she uses for crime fighting super sonic flight, super strength photokinesis astrokinesis.

Dad Duties (Clint Barton X Daughter!Reader, Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: Reader is Clint’s daughter who is a mutant and is dating Peter Parker?

Visiting (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: … it’s peterparker x fem!reader but she’s an australian hero only working with the avengers part time or something. Thanks

Gymnastic Lessons (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Mention of heights Request: Could you do one where Peter is dating the reader and he thinks the fact he can swing around on his webs is pretty cool and then he finds out they’re an aerialist who’s like, really good? Sorry if that’s a little weird

Spider’s Boyfriend (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Request: Maybe you could make a peter parker x jock male reader where peter introduces reader to the avengers and the avengers like really like him that there like complaining that he has to leave and go home at the end

A Little Help (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) WARNINGS: PANIC ATTACKS AND ANXIETY Request: … Reader is a clasdmate of Oeter but they never really talked because shes hella introverted? And hes outside as Spiderman when he sees her having a panic attack and comes to her and comforts her. And she recognizes his voice and thats the start of their friendship.

Really? (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Neglect of family Request: ... reader where her parents are always busy + away from home + she’s sorta starved for affection so to speak. theyre at peters house doing some science project for school. She figures something out. And then peter just casually praises her. he sees how surprised she is + is sad when he realises whats happening with hee parents + starts to go out of his way to find reasons to give her just little bits of affection and praise so she knows she is appreciated?

Darkness (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Fear of the dark Request: … peter parker x stark!reader where she watches horror films in the dark alone a lot. peter stays overnight + realises she sleeps w/ the lights on. When he (persistently) asks why she admits that shes afraid of the dark but everyone expects her to be brave just like her father is so she pretends but really shes just a scared little girl. W/ fluff and cuddles with peter parker

Mirror Image (MJ X Twin!Reader) Request: … Peter sees MJ’s twin (Y/N) and mistakes her identify and leaves embrasssed after declaring she looks prettier today…After feeling embrasssed he walks into the real MJ and MJ bring the snarky person we love, explains why Peter was distracted and later on Peter realizes she has a twin …

Bloody Bed (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Bullying, Injury, blood, wounds, stitches Request: ... reader gets bully at school, so one day reader is crying on the roof. Spiderman sees it and talks to reader who is crying. Then after that the spiderman visis reader almost every day but one day while visiting spiderman is badly injued and the reader takes care of spidey and by accident the reader name is called by peter while thanking him.

Support (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Extremely religious family Request: ... Peter is in love with a boy who is religious and very correct, does not say bad words, does not commit bad deeds, does not drink alcohol or anything of those things and is also in love with Peter but has trouble accepting it because he has always been told he has that is with women the boy is also a super hero and works with the avengers ...

Karen (Peter Parker X Stark!Reader) Request: … Peter is in love with the daughter of Iron Man and the daughter of Iron Man of Peter but she is super shy and antisocial so she does not know how to get close to Peter, she knows that he is spiderman and without his father knowing she hacks the suit Peter and pretends to be Karen :)

Awkward Peter (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: ... she is Tony’s daughter and Peter is really awkward around her because obviously, you know, Tony Stark is her dad and he wants to impress him? And just a bunch of awkward Peter and sassy reader?

Signs (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Insensitive comment Request: ... mute!reader where he learned to sign to her; they’re really close& stuff & he helps her w/ work, translating her questions to teachers, etc. A few days after she & Peter start dating, she meets Tony who makes a joke about being used to fans being stunned into silence. Peter just gets really angry & defensive & starts ranting, stepping in front of the reader protectively; she just reaches out & signs that it’s okay. When tony realises he obviously apologises.

Parker! (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Bit of bullying, angry over protective dad. Request: Tony Stark’s daughter is popular and in a band and at a concert, Peter is getting picked on for being alone so Reader goes and kisses him and hugs him, surprising everyone with their secret relationship, much to Tony’s disapproval.

Shared Pain (Peter Parker x Reader) Warnings: Pain, mild violence, swearing, mild spoilers Request: Peter Parker x reader soulmate au reader doesn’t want a soulmate and has kind of hated peter but then it ends up all good

Blind Meeting (Avengers X Blind!Reader) Request: What about a platonic peter parker x reader where the reader is really nervous to meet the avengers because shes blind but peter assures her that itll be fine and the avengers end up loving her

Things We Used To Share (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Sad boi Request: Petet parker x reader based on the song “things we used to share” by thomas sanders??

Kiss Of Life (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of death, drowning, blood, injury, plane crash Request: … reader is recruited to be an Avenger and she has oceanic powers and when they were all on a tense dangerous mission, Peter was hurt badly and fell over deep into the ocean so the reader jumps in and grabs him, pulls him onto the shore, kissing him (which is a power she has that heals people) to take his pain away?

New Life (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Teasing Request: ... reader is Clints teenage daughter from a previous relationship before Laura. She’s kind of loner and a punk chick but keeps to herself. Laura sends her with her father to try to open her up and make some friends in the city. She ends up falling for peter cause she loves geeky guys.

Not My Best Friend (Peter X Overweight!Fem!Reader) Warnings: Bullying, teasing, body issues, mild swearing Request: … They go together to highschool, have some classes together, and reader takes ballett lessons after school, with some of the girls from her grade - and she’s getting bullied by them (=issues), even by Peter’s new, popular ass girlfriend (not Gwen, bless her). And Peter finds out. And saves the day. …

Missing My Voice (Tony X Fem!Reader, Peter x Fem!Reader)     |    Part 2 Warnings: Blood, surgery, needles, injury Request: … reader loves to sing and play the guitar and a ton of other instruments but goes mute during a mission (due to an injury), and how it impacts Peter and Tony? And can Tony like, go to a ton of doctors and stuff to try and find a solution? Whether he does or doesn’t is up to you. Thanks in advance!

Copy Cat (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Request: … reader shapeshifts into different people/ animals an  uses it to survive, so one day peter parker sees himself stealing something and it ends up in a fight until he realizes she’s a girl? you can pick the ending

Fight Me (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader, Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Threatening (not serious) Request: Hey can I get a Tony x daughter reader where she’s always says fight me like someone says “I Was sitting there” and she says fight me ect. Anyway lots of fluff a little Peter x reader too- Og I forgot Tony x daughter reader fight me she like pure™ thanks😘

Name Of Love Pt 1 (Peter Parker X Reader) *Collab*

Here every step of the way (Peter Parker X Reader) SERIOUS WARNING: EATING DISORDER Request: Would you, by any chance, be able to do an imagine based off of the Peter Parker x bulimic reader that I requested a while ago? If not that’s fine. X

Hacking Fun (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: ... peter Parker is dating a girl who’s extremely shy and she knows he’s Spider-Man? He brings her to the tower to do homework and tony teases them through the intercom system. But the reader is super smart and hacks his system and shuts him off and tony is impressed so he invites her over more often. He gets her to hack everyone for laughs and pranks.

Real Life Avatar (Peter Parker X Reader) Request: ... reader can control the elements and peter is like “wow you are the freaking Avatar” or something like that? ...

Be Careful (Tony X Daughter!Reader, Peter X Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Blood, getting shot Request: … reader is Tony’s teenage daughter who’s dating Peter and she’s just the type of person everyone loves but she’s also a really good hacker and fighter so she does missions sometimes and she ends up getting shot? …

Better Choice (Tony Stark X Cousin!Reader, Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: One swears and mentions of bed relationships and breakups Request: The reader is Tonys younger cousin (teenager) and she starts falling for Peter and tony just pets it happen because he’s better than any boyfriend the reader has had before

Retainers (Peter Parker X Teen!Reader) Request: ... there are both Avengers in training living in the Avengers tower, and they are both in braces stage where they wear their retainers at night. Then they get called out for a mission in the middle of the night, and forget to take them off, and the rest of the team sort of jokes around with them? Thank you!!

Prankster (Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: Pushing someone off a roof? Request: Helloooo! Could i request a peter parker x reader where the reader is the son/daughter of wade wilson and can turn invisible. So they like peter and love playing pranks on him and one time they go invisible and kiss him!

“Mr Rogers?”(Steve X Son!Reader, Peter X Male!Reader) Warnings: Over protective father? Request: … reader is Steve Rogers’ son (14-15) and he’s a really protective dad, but the reader is dating Peter Parker and Steve goes dad-mode on them? …

One Drink (Adult!Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Jealousy, swearing Request: ... they go to a bar and the reader runs into there old friend and from toms point of view it look like the old friend is really touchy and the reader is okay with it so Tom drags the reader him without saying a word they have a little argument in the house and then the reader clears it up ...

Telling Him (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of coming out and past murder Request: … reader is Tony’s son (probably an adoption situation?) and is closeted gay… maybe after Peter is already a part of the avengers, and not during Civil War? …

You’ve What!? (Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Sexual themes, drinking, threatening Request: ... reader is the babygirl of the avengers, and has been datind Peter Parker for a long time, but they dont bother them ... but one day they a little drunk and playing “ Never have I ever” and someone ask: “had sex” and Peter and reader drink, and everybody freaks out ...

Who Is It? (Tony X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Request: … Tonys daughter is sitting in the living room being like ‘hey I hacked into your system ‘cause I’m your super smart daughter and have no where else to go’ and Tony starts to get really protectiv over her. And then finds out that she is falling in love with Peter, but Tony is basically the last one to find out? …

Peter Parker dating reader with bulimia would include . . .

Dating Peter Parker and having powers would include…

Dating Peter Parker and being on Team Cap would include …

Noticing (Peter X Fem!Reader) Request: ... reader is the youngest avenger and a witch and always helps T'Challa, Peter and Scott become closer to the team? Idk maybe she gossips with them or requests to go on a mission to make them feel included ...

[beautifulchaostrash]

Restless Beetles

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Martin x Male Reader

Tws/Cws: brief mentions of bugs, implied NSFW, brief homophobia ment

Image credit

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You stood nervously at the entrance of Cuda’s butcher shop. You really, really, should not have let your friends talk you into doing this. Bullied, you mentally decreed. They had actually bullied you, and you made a mental note to never again reveal your crushes to anyone.

You frowned to no one in particular and recited in your head the words you were going to say. Worrying at your lip, hesitant to take the final steps across the threshold. You were a stranger to him, you two had never spoken before and quite honestly you had no right to ask him out like this. But just as you had finally convinced yourself to turn back and go home, the universe decided it would be really funny to shove its entire fist up your ass. 

Bells jingled as the door opened suddenly, nearly knocking into you. You jumped back, and the figure that stood before you stiffened for a moment. Doey-brown eyes regarded you with a worried expression, accentuated by a pout on his lower lip. You gawked, stunned by his handsomeness. He quickly averted his gaze from yours, and turned down the steps, walking away from you with little fanfare. Seeing him leave filled you with a kind of panic, as if you were rudely ignoring the presence of a unicorn. 

“Hey, wait!”

He snapped his head in your direction, almost frightened, and lulled to a stop. You jogged towards him. 

“You’re Martin right? The new kid?”

He nodded, a few strands of hair falling in his face as he stared down at his shoes. 

“M-my name’s Y/N, and uh, well i was wondering if-” you swallowed, and let out an involuntary bout of nervous laughter. 

He tilted his head, side-eyeing you slightly, eyebrow twitching upwards. Oh boy, he definitely thought you were a weirdo now. You cleared your throat and tried to regain at least some kind of composure.   

“I was wondering if you wanted to like, go out sometime? I mean, I-uh, figured that I could show you around the town, ya know, since you're new and all,” You rubbed the back of your neck and glanced away. “A tour, if you’d like. If you’re too busy though, I totally understand I-”

“Sure,” he mumbled.

You flushed again at the sound of his voice, so soft, quiet, with a small hint of mystery behind it. It sounded like a fine champagne that had been opened only for a special occasion. It was there and then that you knew this man would become your addiction, your desire, something you wanted to gobble down and slowly savor all at the same time. You grinned, rocking back on your heels slightly.

“Alright then, does Saturday evening work for you?”

He nodded, and you were saddened that he did not use his voice to respond, but elated that he had accepted your proposal. 

“I’ll pick you up from your house at seven then, I gotta run f-for now, but i’ll see you later, ok?” 

You waved goodbye and brusquely started down the road in the opposite direction. You hated parting so abruptly, but if you had stayed any longer you would have been executed by the volley of cupid’s arrows that were waiting in the wings to pierce your tender heart. You shook your head at the stupid notion. For pete’s sake, you didn’t even know for sure if he was into guys. For all you knew, he was only saying yes so he would have the opportunity to send you home with a black eye and a broken rib, like so many before had done. 

No! You shook your head again, confident that Martin wouldn’t do anything like that. I mean, he does look kind of gay, or at least bi-curious, but chalking things up to appearance alone was childish and stereotypical. God, why on earth did you have to make it sound like such a date? You could've asked to “hang out”, or “get to know him”, but nooooo you had to jump head first into romantic shenaniganery. You mentally kicked yourself the entire walk home. 

....

Martin shuffled through the front door, having taken a longer route home so he could have time to think. Despite all the effort he had gone through to reach a conclusion about the earlier events, he had none. He was used to people being uncomfortable around him. Forcing smiles and how do you do’s when his eerily blank expression met theirs. Eyes darting around the room, finding any excuse not to be near this mute idiot. He was used to people being angry at him, terror and rage filling their eyes and minds as they ran after him with torches and weapons. The same anger and disgust that Cuda held in his own, not just for him, but for Christina, Arthur, and essentially anyone that was not himself. He was even used to people being attracted to him. Sexually attracted, mind you. He highly doubted whether Mrs. Santini was wondering about his day or how he was doing as she hungrily undressed him with her eyes. 

He pocketed his sunglasses and trudged up the stairs, the shoddy bell alarm signaling his arrival. He hung his jacket and sat down near the window, drawing his knees to his chest and gazing out at the rapidly dwindling sunset. 

“Y/N,”

He softly whispered the name like a prayer. You had acted so nervous, but not out of fear or discomfort. You beamed wildly when he replied positively to you. Smiling again as you waved him goodbye. You glanced back at him as you left, seemingly sad to leave. But what did it mean?

Boys never asked out other boys, at least none that he knew of, so it couldn’t possibly be a date. You were just trying to be friendly that’s all. But, then, why did you look at him like that? And why was your face so red despite the cool summer breeze? Maybe that’s why he said yes. He wanted to know why, what motive did you have, what could you possibly gain from befriending him. It scared him slightly, at least he knew Mrs. Santini got sexy stuff in return for being nice to him, but he didn’t know what you would want from him. 

Maybe it was just some elaborate trick intended to make him look like a fool. He hoped it wasn’t. He hated making a fool of himself, it only made it harder for people to take his sickness seriously. 

He always heard people talking about butterflies in their stomachs, they were referenced frequently in the romantic novels he read, but now, they didn’t feel like butterflies. He had beetles in his stomach, not fluttering all around, but crawling and squirming nervously at the bottom, condensing into a writhing mass of uncertainty. 

Auchums Razor came to shed the light, as his stomach growled and he realized that he was only hungry. He stood up and stretched, gangly arms reaching first for the ceiling, then behind his back. Maybe he could chase away the beetles with whatever Christina was cooking for dinner. 

As if on cue, he heard her voice calling from downstairs, asking him to set the table. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, and lumbered down the stairs, marching ever closer to what felt like his doom, or possibly, his salvation.

[3laxx]

When the Dream ends - Chapter 3

Luz and Amity have a sleepover and Boscha has a breakdown

TRIGGER WARNING - BLOOD - INJURY - PANIC ATTACK

For everyone who is easily triggered by panic or panic attacks, I recommend not reading any further than the Lumity part of this chapter. You won't need the entire Boscha part, just know she's incredibly distraught and has a lot of confusing emotions about fault and making up for it. She has a full-blown panic attack (actually I wrote myself into one thanks to this) and I recommend continuing on your own responsibility. There will be more on Boscha's state and her feelings on the situation in a calmer and safer scene later on. You won't miss anything if you skip this part. A lot of it was already mentioned in the actual scene of the accident and Amity's nightmare. Boscha's feelings will resurface later on and you will know how she feels in future chapters if you don't feel comfortable reading panic attacks with physical reactions.

I'M SERIOUS. ONLY READ IF YOU FEEL ABSOLUTELY SURE, THERE'S NO SHAME IN NOT READING IT.

Ao3 / FF.net

---

It still took Luz a few days to walk by herself again and she hated every second.

Well, not the seconds when Eda and King were visiting. And she loved every second Amity spent with her. And she also enjoyed all the seconds while Willow and Gus were visiting.

Skara, Cat, and Amelia had also paid her a visit and Luz had enjoyed having them all over. They were gentle and careful around her and even helped her get up once to get some snacks from down the hall, even if Amity had protested them carrying Luz.

In the end, it had been a lot of fun though, and they had giggled all the while two of them carried her to the vending machine and two carried her back by interlocking their hands and having Luz sit on them while wrapping her arms around their necks.

Amity had helped to carry her back and Luz had grinned at her constantly, knowing the girl had needed to warm up to her old friends showing up and not being bullies.

Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus had also shown up for a short visit, and Luz and Amity had coincidentally invited over Edric and Emira at the same time, giggling to themselves when Emira had started flirting with the unamused Viney until she had shot back a flirty line only to leave Emira a hot mess.

So, she guessed she didn’t hate every single second of it.

But the walking, the slow progress, and the lonely nights had been horrible.

When she had finally gotten the permission to leave, she had celebrated, even if Eda had put her under strict supervision over the weekend before letting her back to Hexside. She didn’t mind, though.

Strict supervision usually meant games, snacks, and movies, and having friends over once Eda had to get some stuff, run her business of human phenomena or do undisclosed business at undisclosed places.

So, Luz was super happy to be back in the Owl House over the weekend, naturally. With Eda’s permission, she had quickly invited Amity, Willow, and Gus over, but Willow and Gus had other things on their schedule – something about a forgotten homework and some tunnel Gus was babbling about, even if Luz had thought his tunnel underneath Hexside had already been finished.

Having Amity over was really cool, too. Especially since Eda had already announced she’d be out this evening, so she was looking forward to watching a movie and spending the evening with Amity.

 ---

“So, what do you wanna watch?”, Luz began, already grinning at Amity. The girl just shrugged at that, a small smile on her lips. “Your descriptions were a little-… Enthusiastic. Why don’t we just watch something you wanna watch?”

Luz grimaced at that and then pouted at Amity, causing her to chuckle.

“But I like all of these movies! Giving me the choice would break me!”

Amity immediately pointed at a random cover then, her eyes blown wide. She absolutely didn’t want Luz to break over something like this. The girl laughed.

“Okay, that one. That’s the super cute romance!”

Amity suppressed a sigh. Well, this was going to be easy, right?

She only had to make it through 2 hours of two characters getting together, kissing, building up chemistry, without projecting it onto her and Luz.

Already flushing, Amity pressed herself into the backrest and pulled up the blanket while Luz prepared the movie on her magic box, before returning to the couch as well with quite some effort and sitting close to Amity, close enough so she could steal the other half of Amity blanket.

Yelping, she tried hiding her face, then she looked up.

“… Is that too warm for you?”, the teenager asked her, obviously referring to Amity’s red face, but she quickly shook her head while the movie began, trying a smile.

“N-No! I like that.”

Luz smiled and grabbed the snack box, putting it between their thighs on top of the blanket, then the first scene started playing. A short-haired girl introduced herself, and the human world she was living in, before saying she was different than all the others. She was a lesbian.

Immediately, Amity suppressed rolling her eyes.

Suited her right that she had to pick the gay movie.

Luz already giggled at the introduction, then she turned to Amity, way closer than she had expected, making her blush. She was just glad the lights were dimmed now.

“That’s so cliché. I like this movie, but it stays as shallow with the LGBTQ community throughout.”

Amity tried controlling her blazing face.

“Wh-What do you mean?”

Luz shrugged at that, leaning back again and Amity felt herself relaxing, thankfully, “You know, all the drama about it. In movies like these, it’s a huge deal to be gay, and it’s either the scared, closeted character or the over-the-top gay who acts extra. There’s so much more to LGBTQ than that. I was actually quite glad that homosexuality isn’t as big a deal on the Boiling Isles as it is in the human realm. I don’t think it’s even recognized as different here, is it?”

Amity furrowed her eyebrows at that.

“It’s a problem to like the same gender in the human realm?”

For a few minutes, Luz watched the movie when the introduction was over and the story began, then she sighed and shrugged.

“That’s a topic for another time, I suppose.”, she finally said and Amity softly took her hand. Something in Luz’s words sounded heavy, clouded by something that must’ve happened. Pressing pause, Luz looked over to Amity and she slanted her lips.

“Are you sure?”, she finally asked and the human hummed, then she nodded.

“Yes. Don’t worry, I never had problems with that, because my mother is really open-minded and nobody else knew I was bi. But for many others, it’s a huge problem. It’s even a crime to be gay in some places. You’ll see what’s about it in that movie. Let’s just watch?”

Despite the worrying information about the human realm, Amity couldn’t help but replay that one thing Luz had said all over again in her head, even when the movie started picking up and the story got interesting.

She had hoped that Luz was interested in the same gender as well, even if she hadn’t really minded because, in her home, the different sexualities didn’t really matter. But hearing Luz confirming that she wasn’t straight was a relief, almost.

The longer the movie carried on, with the main character starting to chat with another gay girl online, getting problems keeping their sexuality a secret, and finally, everyone turning away from her when it came out. Amity followed the movie wide-eyed, learning how problematic it apparently was in the human realm, while Luz’s head got heavier and heavier.

She still couldn’t concentrate long on something, partly because of her ADHD but also because of the accident. Her mind needed rest.

When it finally got too much, her head dropped on Amity’s shoulder and she finally relaxed. With her head secured, she adjusted the rest of her body now, wrapping one arm across her lap, then she smiled softly and dozed off.

She couldn’t even notice Amity freezing up and blushing furiously again. And she didn’t see Amity’s eyes widening, or her heart skipping a beat. Sleep had taken her fully, leaving Amity to finish the movie by herself. Even if she found the story compelling, though, she couldn’t exactly concentrate anymore once Luz had fallen asleep on her.

Deciding to finish the movie on her own, Amity just settled against her and smiled softly. This was very nice. And before she knew it, she had fallen asleep as well.

 ---

Finally, it was the weekend and Boscha could be home again.

Away from the curious eyes, away from people asking her how she was, what happened and how Luz was doing. She had mostly relied on her friends to keep her out of the crossfire, something Amelia, Skara, and Cat had more than gladly done, but it had only helped so much. Every single gaze, every single question, reduced her to what had happened about ten days ago. And every single time it brought her back to these moments, minutes, she had spent kneeling in the human’s blood and trying to keep her alive.

Her parents, mostly her father, had been understanding enough to schedule her some emergency therapy sessions, and allowed her to stay out of school for a few days. While the therapy sessions had definitely helped, and she had been able to convince her parents she’d need them for a bit longer, she still felt as though this incident followed her every step.

When she looked out the window to see the forest, when she lied down to sleep, when she got up and when she ate. Throughout her whole day, the memories followed her, bothered her, taunted her.

She had injured Luz this way. She had thrown that ball, and her teammates had tried stopping her. She was at fault, she could’ve had this never happen. She should’ve stopped.

Tiredly, Boscha crawled under her sheets and buried her face in the pillow. This was unbearable.

Injuring another witch like that had never made her feel so guilty. Probably mostly because witches were more durable than humans. They could get back up, their injuries healed faster.

Seeing the human knocked out like this, seeing her bleeding out and dying, had been a rapid change from what Boscha knew.

She knew she had acted right after she had realized what she had done. She knew that she had reacted faster than all of them and that she had done the right thing, giving everyone tasks, avoiding them to slip into shock right there and freeze up. She had done the right thing.

That still didn’t excuse that she had done the wrong thing before. That didn’t make anything better, except that Luz was still alive, and well, as Amity had told her. It didn’t make her suffering better. It didn’t make it easier that she would have to adjust and live with what she had done.

Once again, her eyes burned and she growled. She had been crying a lot these days, something she hadn’t done before. She’d also had a lot of nightmares. Nightmares of the human dying, of everyone blaming Boscha.

She had shot up in bed in a cold sweat and cried, cried all night long until she had fallen asleep for the next nightmare again.

But she couldn’t face Luz yet. She couldn’t face her.

In her memories she was always so grey, surrounded by red, and draining of life. She was so weak and helpless and completely at Boscha’s mercy. Boscha liked bossing people around but, never like this. At her mercy, not responding. Still.

She gulped again.

The human’s soft, raspy breaths when she had leaned down to check for it.

Closing her eyes, Boscha groaned again and shook her head. She had never anticipated this, she had never wanted this. And now she was feeling so sick, so twisted. She had done the wrong thing, then the right, and she felt so guilty for both.

By the first throw, she should’ve already known the human wasn’t playing. She should’ve known the human was in real danger at the very moment she had seen the fear flashing in her eyes. But she hadn’t reacted to that, even liked the fear. Because she never would’ve thought something would actually happen. Nothing had happened to Luz before. Nothing would happen to them, they were just teens, right?

And then it had happened. The sickening crack still shook Boscha to her core. The ball leaving her hand and the crack that had followed when she had crushed Luz’s skull against the stone. The flashbacks were coming again and Boscha curled up under her blanket, baring her teeth.

When the human had been thrown back, her eyes rolling upwards and her torso collapsing in itself as the spine was turned to cracked pebbles. She winced.

Then the blood. She hadn’t registered how the wound looked like at first, but the more her shock faded, the more her brain gave her all the details she had burned into her memories by accident. When she had run over and remembered faintly not to damage Luz’s spine more. When, for a super scary second, her hands had hovered helplessly and she had done nothing.

She still dreaded that moment. It couldn’t have been longer than the blink of an eye but her memory stretched it to hours, unmoving, terrifying hours of dread while she stared down at the broken human, hearing her rasping breaths and letting the shock take over her.

And then that moment ended. When she snapped into action.

Her fingers reaching down finally, feeling as though she had just cracked a cover of ice over her skin when she moved, breaking free of her frozen state. The soft pulse, so weak and fragile, underneath her fingertips, her skin getting slick with the warm blood spilling from the human.

She remembered faintly how her grandmother, as strict as she had been, had been baking with her once. Her grandmother hadn’t taken any shit. Especially not from the spoiled five-year-old brat who hadn’t wanted to knead the dough or do the dishes by hand. She remembered her stepping behind the child and folding up her sleeves, before grabbing her hands and forcing them down into the sticky goo. Telling her, “When you work in the kitchen, you don’t use your fingertips and keep your hands clean. You can wash them after. Now knead it properly, child.”

She had done the same with Luz. Not fearing the blood getting on her, not fearing her hands getting dirty. She had just jumped to action, done the right thing, not minded any blood no matter how thick and slimy and warm it had felt on her hands. As if it was holding onto the skin by which it had been trapped before, begging for a way back in.

Luz had been facing down on the ground, and she would never forget the kind of awkward angle her spine had been in. Even in this lying position, she had seen the dangerous injury she had given the human.

Her eyes had flitted from her back to her fingers on her neck, then up to the back of her head. Where the laceration of the hit was. Boscha felt herself getting sick while her body started shivering uncontrollably.

The wound had been horrifying. She hadn’t paid attention to the details when she had been in the situation, but her mind would never forget. How the hair had been flattened down and dampened by red blood, how it had darkened her hair and flowed down her neck, down her back underneath her uniform, and down the sides of her face. The exposed flesh, something hard and red and-… Dark sitting underneath the pulled-back skin. The cracked skull.

Boscha convulsed, then she pressed a hand to her mouth while a pathetic whimper escaped her throat. She had done this. She had thrown the ball that had the speed to split open skin, crack bones. She heaved, then she finally got up to stumble to her bathroom that was attached to her room, and threw up in the toilet.

She would never forget how it moved. How she watched the wound oozing, how she had watched the skin moving with every slight movement of the human.

And the worst had been that, while Luz had been knocked out completely, her eyes had been half-open. She had seen the pain on the human’s face, the whites of her eyes, and the flitting iris sometimes coming into view when her eyes rolled.

Her knees had been damp, she could still feel it while kneeling in front of the toilet. She mistook the cold tiles beneath her knees as wetness, she was sure. But when she looked down, there was red.

Immediately, her eyes watered, and her torso convulsed again, forcing her to heave on an empty stomach. The blood-soaked pajamas climbed up her legs, and she remembered how her clothes stuck to her after that. No matter how much she had scrubbed when she had gotten home, she would never get rid of the iron smell, or the slight, faint coloring of a darker shade, of the dried, edges of the blood on her pink skin.

Desperately gripping the toilet seat, she leaned the side of her face against the edge and sobbed.

She still remembered how warm her forehead had felt when she had checked for Luz’s breathing. She still knew how it had felt, leaning over the human, pressing her forehead into the pool of blood, and feeling her hair getting dampened by the liquid.

She still remembered the raspy breaths, the heaving, and the blood sticking to her hair and face and getting everywhere. She could still feel the cold air hitting her blood-soaked skin when she had leaned back to bark more instructions, and checked Luz’s pulse again. The droplets out of her hair, running down her head, around her ears, down her temples and nose, getting in her eyes and mouth and tasting like iron.

She faintly remembered not wiping it away.

And Amity’s screaming. Her insults, the despair. Titan, the love from that girl. Boscha was glad she had instructed Amelia to trap her in a cage. But that hadn’t made her screams easier to bear, her screams that had morphed into the voice inside Boscha’s head that had been pestering her ever since that accident had started sinking in.

Finally, when they had turned Luz around and Boscha had done her best not to look at the wound, the skull moving when they moved her, her breaths coming to a stop. The sudden silence after the raspy, uneven breaths.

She had leaned down and listened and had heard it, heard Luz’s last breath in another reality, had she not started CPR. She was just glad she was on the grudgby team and everyone suspected harsh injuries in that sport.

It was completely uncommon in the demon realm to perform CPR because either the body of a witch or demon was fast enough to recover or there simply wasn’t enough left to perform CPR on. Boscha was one of the few people in the school, including some teachers, the healing track students, and the grudgby players to even know that practice.

It had been deafening.

Even tuning out Amity’s screams and sobs, and her own intrusive thoughts.

The sudden break had shocked Boscha more than she had anticipated. She only knew breathing. She had known it when her father had held her as a child, she had known it with her sister, and her friends sleeping over and breathing in their sheets while Boscha had lied awake. She had known breathing from Amity, from her panic attacks when they had gotten older, the hyperventilation, and the quickening breaths she had let out. She knew it from Amity when they curled up together, seeking each other’s comfort in their mothers’ competition. She had known breathing in her first kiss, and in the silence of a classroom during an exam. There was always breathing around her.

Hell, some houses in the Boiling Isles were breathing.

And yet, Luz had stopped.

It had been unnerving, understanding that the human had just stopped breathing. Her brain wouldn’t work it out until way later, in the situation she had known it was bad and had known what to do.

But now that she was pushing away from the toilet and leaning against the wall next to it, crying and sobbing hysterically into her arms?

She understood what it had meant, beyond bad.

It had meant Luz had just been moments from her death. She doesn’t think anyone but Skara, who had heard it, too, knew what that had meant. Willow had only sat on Luz’s feet and heard and understood what Boscha had said, but she hadn’t watched the sudden drainage of life from Luz’s face, she hadn’t noticed the forced lifting and sinking of her chest stopping under her hand and she hadn’t heard her last breath.

She hadn’t felt the pulse under Boscha’s fingertips weakening, hiccupping, stopping. Then restarting, before stilling again.

But Boscha had, Boscha had felt and heard and noticed it all, and she had realized what that had meant. Someone had jokingly told her once, that the soul of a being left its vessel with the last breath. Boscha had seen Luz’s last breath, she had seen the life fleeting from her body so fast that she had been scared that she wouldn’t be fast enough.

Letting out a feral scream, Boscha buried her head on her knees and clamped her arms over her head. The world vanished in static when the panic attack took full hold of her now. Her fingertips were uncomfortably pulsing and itching under her skin, mockingly, reliving the feeling of Luz’s pulse getting too weak for her to feel anymore, reminding her of the sudden lack of life.

She knew Luz hadn’t died at that moment, she knew it took a moment still, but it had certainly felt like it.

Her socks kicked against the floor in a desperate attempt to make herself smaller, press her back harder against the tiled wall, and the itching in her fingertips spread to her knuckles, to her palms and wrist, and down her lower arms. Suddenly, she had to get the sleeves off. Ripping her arms off her head, she tried rolling her sleeves up in unpracticed, frantic movements, starting to scratch her skin to get rid of the uncomfortable itching, but it wouldn’t stop. The blood was soaking her skin, the red was crawling up and the itching got worse until she finally ripped her shirt off and started rubbing over her arms, up and down and not noticing that she scrubbed it sore, turning it red, much lighter than the human’s blood.

How the wound on the back of Luz’s head hadn’t stopped bleeding, and how wet it had sounded, Luz’s head rolling around despite Skara’s grip on her to keep her crushed spine straight enough for Boscha to perform CPR. How stupid Boscha had been not to cover the wound. Had she even been supposed to? She didn’t even know now.

Another scream ripped through her throat and she squinted her eyes, biting her teeth together so hard it hurt, while her arms were still working over her biceps, shoulders, and whatever she could reach of her back. She saw the human convulsing, her belly rising and falling with each violent push she had given her chest, compressing the air that was left. As if she was breathing but not quite.

How stale and like iron her lips had tasted when she had blown air into her mouth, hoping so badly that she hadn’t suffered a wound in there somewhere so Boscha wouldn’t force blood into her lungs.

Amity’s screams had become one with the voice in her head, screaming at her to do better than what she had done.

And then, nothing anymore.

When Luz had been gone, and the storm in Boscha’s head had calmed down, the static had died out in the silence. Amity’s weak sobs, Willow’s soft reassurances, and Skara’s and Amelia’s shocked breaths, hitching every now and then when they collapsed in emotional and mental exhaustion.

Boscha whimpered and sobbed more, still rubbing over her arms frantically and still trying to push herself further into the wall.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps, fast footsteps approaching, and the door to her bathroom flew open. Before she knew what was happening, her mother’s arms were around her and her father kneeled in front of her. His expensive business pants got soaked in blood, so much blood that was covering all the floor, Luz’s blood. Boscha whimpered again, when her mother pulled her in, when her father flushed the toilet and sat down beside her as well, his arms wrapping around her cooling back, keeping her away from the wall just a little at least.

She managed to control her crying and whimpering the best she could, softly sobbing now, and felt her mother’s unruly hair on her neck and her nose in her hair.

Her parents held her close, not even caring that she didn’t have a shirt on, and as soon as she had calmed down a little at least, her father started soaking toilet paper in cold water to soothe her burning skin. She felt her mother chastising him, but he was so helpless, and Boscha didn’t want him to stop. Plus, it did help.

Sighing, she finally relaxed into her mother’s embrace and felt her father softly drying her arms again, then she was coaxed up by him, and led back into her room. She barely felt her mother lifting her arms and covering her with the shirt again. It was on backward, but it wasn’t important.

Her father scooped her up in his arms and started carrying her outside, causing a slight, irritating call from his wife, but he just spoke back in a calm voice before carrying her out. Her head was rested against his chest and she heard his heart beating.

Vaguely opening her eyes, she saw that he was aiming for her parents’ bedroom. Looking behind, she saw her mother closing the door to her room and carrying her blanket, before following them.

This was a privilege she would not pass up. Being able to sleep in her parents’ bed at least for tonight. Her parents believed in independence much like Amity’s, but she knew they had her back if something happened.

And if it left their daughter traumatized, they would move mountains for her. In the caring department, her parents weren’t that bad, even if there was mostly discipline in it, but the loving didn’t come too short in exceptional situations. She supposed this was one.

Her father lowered her down in the middle of the bed and kissed her forehead, before crawling in in his side and getting under his blanket, while wrapping his arm around her waist and keeping her close. Boscha managed an exhausted smile, then she felt a gust of wind, and her blanket sunk down on her before she felt her mother getting into bed as well and adding her arm around Boscha’s waist as well. She knew her mother wasn’t the most affectionate type, but she appreciated the effort she had put in today.

It was much needed.

With her father’s breath deepening, and her mother’s humming, she slowly felt herself getting drowsy and falling asleep. She had a feeling she’d have a nightmare tonight again.

But maybe, just maybe, she’d be exhausted enough not to dream at all.

And maybe the presence of her parents would also help her through this.

---

I will go now and uh. Calm down.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Ninety Seven

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

October 12th, 2001

Remy laughed in the guy’s face, causing him quite a bit of confusion. “Girl, of course I’m gay!” he crowed. “Emile’s my boyfriend, duh? It’d be a bit weird if I weren’t into boys and he was my boyfriend. Now listen,” he purred. His smile was as cheery as ever as he leaned into the guy’s face. “You ever try and make Emile uncomfortable again and I’ll make your life a living hell, and I won’t hesitate to ruin your reputation. Understood?”

The guy paled, nodded, and scurried off. Remy smiled to himself and spit his gum into the nearest trash can. Playing the stereotypical gay had its perks. Namely, it made it all the more scary when he tore into someone, and it was a convenient mask he could always fall back on should something go wrong. Because he always knew how to play dumb and cute as hell. He could use this to his advantage, surely...

  March 28th, 2004

Remy’s grip on the steering wheel was tight as he drove the car towards Emile’s parents’ house. Emile was sitting in the passenger seat, trying to hide the fact that he was doing deep breathing exercises. Clearly, they were both nervous about seeing Emile’s grandfather again. Emile was nervous enough that he had gone to Mass earlier that morning, presumably in case his grandfather asked about the last time he went to Confession. Personally, Remy was fairly certain Emile had nothing to confess, but he wasn’t Catholic, so he wasn’t going to pretend to know.

Emile made a concerned whine as they got off the highway, and Remy took a deep breath, pushing as many homicidal tendencies as he was willing to out of the way to grab Emile’s hand with one of his own. Emile blinked, looked down at their intertwined hands, then over at Remy.

“You whined,” Remy said. “Like a kicked puppy. I was concerned.”

Emile blew out a breath. “Your tone suggests annoyed.”

“My tone is nonexistent because I’m incensed,” Remy said simply. “Not at you, though.”

“At my family? That’s kinda worse, Rem,” Emile said.

“Well, your grandfather certainly hasn’t endeared himself to me any,” Remy growled.

Emile flinched. “Rem, please,” he said softly.

Remy’s tone softened but his eyes didn’t leave the road. “I don’t want you dragged through the wringer, mio amore.”

“I volunteered,” Emile said weakly.

“Willingly? That’s kinda worse, mio amore,” Remy shot back. “What would Sue say about you willingly putting yourself in harm’s way?”

“Actually, Sue and I talked about this and the ways it could go after my panic attack,” Emile said, straightening in his seat. “She said that as long as I wasn’t going into this with the goal of hurting myself, then it was worth talking to Grandpa. How would Fern feel about you jumping to the conclusion that I’m doing this to hurt myself?”

“She would say it’s your choice,” Remy said. “But given the facts I told her... she also called you a bit of a hopeless romantic. And a dumbass. She also gave me full permission to drag you out of the room if I heard raised voices or crying.”

Emile blinked. “That’s why you asked?!”

Remy smirked, just a bit. “Well, she said her permission meant nothing if I didn’t get yours, too.”

Emile laughed in disbelief. “No wonder you took a shine to her; she’s enabling you.”

“Oh, no! No, she takes no one’s shit. That includes me, mio amore. No, she doesn’t let anyone pull the wool over her eyes, and she tells it like she is. She took one look at her notes, plus Kim’s when she got them, and looked me dead in the eye, promptly asking, ‘So, how long would you say the abuse has been going on?’” Remy laughed. “I love her so much. As a therapist, of course. I will not run off into the sunset with her. I’d prefer to do that with you, Emile.”

Emile shook his head, swallowing. “She sounds like a good therapist.”

“Yeah. What did Sue tell you? Beyond talking about possible outcomes, of course,” Remy said.

Emile blinked back tears. “She said...” Emile’s voice grew thicker. “She said...to be realistic. To not put all my eggs in the happy basket, because based on what she heard, and her past clients’ experience, this usually doesn’t shake out well.” Tears were falling down his cheeks and Remy pulled over to the curb in a flurry. “I don’t want him to be mad at me, Rem. I don’t.”

Emile sounded like such a lost little kid in that moment, that Remy couldn’t help but hug him close. “It’s gonna be okay,” Remy said. “Even if you don’t get the outcome you wanted. It’s gonna be okay.”

“How can you...be so sure?” Emile sobbed.

“Because I’ve been there, Emi,” Remy said. When Emile looked up at Remy, Remy’s heart broke, but he continued. “I’ve been there. And yeah, it hurts like hell if your family doesn’t accept you. I’ll be honest: even if your grandfather acknowledges you’re bi and I’m his grandson-in-law, odds are he won’t be happy about it. Take little victories where you can, and if he comes to the wedding? Great. Work on him being happy for us at a later date. He can grow to love the both of us together, but it will most likely take more time than just three months.”

Emile looked at Remy like he had all the answers in the universe, and Remy was a little terrified. “Now, your parents are expecting us, and we don’t want to keep them waiting too long. But if you need a second, or a minute, even...”

“Yeah,” Emile said softly, shamefully. “Yeah, I need a minute.”

“There’s no shame in that, understand?” Remy asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Emile said dismissively.

“I’m serious here, Emile,” Remy said sternly.

Emile sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know,” he said. “But I can’t accept that right now.”

Remy nodded, opened the glove box, and passed Emile some tissues. Emile dabbed at his face while Remy flicked the channels on the radio. He would kill for some slow, smooth, jazzy song that he could slow-dance with Emile to, even if that was a tad impractical in the car.

When Emile had composed himself, Remy kept driving. He fiddled more with the radio, observed the same five restaurants that were staples in every city, and contemplated calling August at Sleep Easy to ask how things were going, just to stall the inevitable. But if Emile was ready, then Remy had to be ready, too. Remy was going to back Emile one hundred percent, even if he was a bit of a hopeless dumbass when he picked his battles.

Remy drove up to Emile’s parents house, but when he turned to Emile, he realized he may have wanted to make the drive longer. Emile was ash-white and shaking, staring at the house like it was on fire, and he was just told to run in without any protective gear to save two kids on opposite sides of the second floor. Remy unbuckled his seat belt, and put a reassuring hand on Emile’s arm. “You’ve got this,” he said softly. “I’ll go in first, you come in when you’re ready.”

Emile swallowed, nodded.

Remy mirrored the nod, looking far more confident than he felt as he stepped out of the car, onto the curb, and closed the car door. He leaned against the car a minute, observing the house. He never really had before, but then again, he never had reason to stall either. Remy popped a piece of gum in his mouth and kicked off the car, putting on that “flamboyant, unflappable gay” persona he used when he needed to pretend he couldn’t care less about what was going on.

His shoes sunk into the grass, but the front yard wasn’t a swamp. Remy dimly remembered Mom mentioning something about it raining yesterday, before they had gotten to the heart of their conversation about Emile and his grandfather...

“Look, Mom, I’m worried about him. Emile cares about him a great deal, and either his grandfather takes that for granted, or worse, he just doesn’t care. I don’t want Emile’s heart to be crushed come tomorrow.”

Mom had tutted and reassured Remy the best she could, but Remy could hear the doubt in her own voice.

Mom and Dad had come to the door to greet him, and he grinned, all big and flashy and fake, but he did pick his head up a little more as he saw them, and he noticed Dad’s smile relax a little bit as Remy straightened. Dad knew what he was doing, and Emile had no doubt warned Dad and Mom both about Remy acting off in defense of this well and truly anxiety-inducing situation.

He hugged them both with a laugh, sharing the usual pleasantries. Remy straightened and saw Emile’s grandfather standing behind them, and he pulled down his sunglasses, peering over them to glare at Emile’s grandfather. “You hurt Emile, my guy, and I’ll make you wish you had never been born, m’kay?”

As Emile’s grandfather twitched, Remy smirked inwardly, continuing to chew his gum. “Surely, you’re not the same... boyfriend Emile had at that Christmas?” Emile’s grandfather asked.

Remy laughed and took off his sunglasses, walking inside. “Oh, that’s me, sweets. I just don’t act nice around people who hurt my fiancé.”

Emile’s grandfather flinched at the word fiancé, and Remy grinned, all teeth. Good. Let him be uncomfortable.

“Remy,” Dad warned, and Remy turned to him, prepared to continue being snarky and sarcastic until he saw the warning look he was getting. The fight drained from him and he sighed. Dad put a hand on his shoulder. “I know you’ve had similar hurts in the past, but there’s no need to go full feral right out the gate.”

Remy felt like he might pass out. “I guess you’re right. Forcing Emile out of the car before he’s ready because I instigated a fight would not leave a good impression.”

“No,” Dad agreed softly.

“Similar...hurts?” Emile’s grandfather asked.

“Well, yeah,” Remy said, swallowing his gum and sighing. “Not that it’s any of your business, but my mother came to my and Emile’s house, berating me and calling me slurs, exclaiming that I was going to Hell for being gay. So when you pull the same shit that manipulative, abusive witch pulled...well. Forgive me if I get a little twitchy.”

Emile’s grandfather looked mildly horrified, and wanted to say something, but Emile ran across the yard. “Remy! Remy!” he exclaimed. “I just realized you took that gum out of your pocket, please tell me Grandpa is still alive!”

“He is,” Remy said. The implied For now might as well have been verbalised.

“Okay,” Emile breathed, grabbing Remy’s hand. “Thank you. For, uh, not killing him on sight.”

“You didn’t do it to my parents, I figured you’re owed that same courtesy,” he said, glancing at Emile.

Emile’s grandfather flinched again. “Do you...truly see me as so abhorrent that I deserve to be killed?” he asked.

“I believe that those who hurt others shouldn’t be allowed around those they hurt,” Remy said, stepping closer to Emile. “And while we can argue about the morals behind murder all day, it is still illegal in the eyes of the law, and I’d like to be married to my fiancé outside of prison.”

“That doesn’t...answer my question,” Emile’s grandfather said.

Remy laughed hollowly. “All due respect, but Dad told me to pull the reins back on the hostility. If I told you what I truly think, I’m pretty sure we would fall right back into hostile territory.” Which was more or less a fancy way of saying yes, and everyone in the room knew it, as the temperature seemed to drop several degrees.

Emile’s grandfather gave Remy an unreadable stare. “Very well,” he said stiffly. “Given what you’ve said to me, I think it’s safe to presume that you would rather not deal with me. As such, I’d like to cut straight to the chase and speak to Emile. Alone,” he added, when Remy opened his mouth to speak.

Remy flushed red, but Emile squeezed Remy’s hand. Remy turned to Emile and silently asked, Surely, you don’t expect me to take this sitting down?

I’ll be fine, Emile said with a downward tilt of his chin.

Oh, like hell you will, Remy scoffed.

“Remy, that’s rude,” Emile said. “I can handle my own. I’ll be fine. Besides, you have permission from me and Fern, remember?”

That did make Remy feel marginally better, but not better enough to fully accept the situation. Mom walked up and gently pulled Remy away from Emile. “Let the boys have their discussion, Remy. Can you show me how to make one of your famous cups of coffee, provided we have the stuff that you use to make it?”

“You two, don’t touch my stove!” Dad squawked, following Mom as she dragged Remy to the kitchen. Remy watched as Emile’s grandfather awkwardly put a hand between Emile’s shoulder blades and together they walked to the living room.

[emachinescat]

Lest Back the Awful Door Should Spring

A Tales of Arcadia: Trollhunters Fan-Fiction

By @emachinescat

@febuwhump day 3 - imprisonment

Summary:  Sequel to my previous fic, “That I Could Fear a Door.” When Jim is arrested by the Tribunal and thrown in prison, something in him breaks again that he thought had been fixed.  Suddenly, it’s like he’s back in the Darklands, reliving the worst moments of his life that seem determined to never let him go.

Characters: Jim Lake Jr.

Words: 2,223

TW: Panic attack, Depression, PTSD

Keep reading here or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging!

I fitted to the latch

My hand, with trembling care,

Lest back the awful door should spring,

And leave me standing there.

I moved my fingers off

As cautiously as glass,

And held my ears, and like a thief

Fled gasping from the house.

- From “Home” by Emily Dickinson

Jim wouldn’t go so far as to say that his life had gone back to normal after re-adjusting to life outside of the Darklands, but he had fallen into a new kind of rhythm that allowed him to live again.  He was more like his old self in many ways - he smiled again, for one.  He didn’t laugh as much as he used to, but when he did it was genuine, and his life and Trollmarket and school and home didn’t feel so much like they belonged to someone else anymore.  He still had nightmares, but even they were coming less frequently.  

His confidence was coming back, too - slowly.  As his thinned, weakened frame began to fill out once more and lean muscles reformed, as cuts and bruises shrunk and changed color and finally disappeared, he felt better.  More like his old self.  He didn’t actively avoid mirrors anymore.  He still struggled with feeling like he wasn’t enough, like he hadn’t been strong enough or brave enough or trusted his friends enough or fought back against Gunmar enough, but his bi-weekly chats with Nomura had started to break up those thought patterns, too.

It got harder, and he felt himself slipping back into old fears and feelings, when they could no longer deny the horrible truth that Gunmar had escaped from the Darklands, that he had followed Jim through.  A part of Jim wished that he himself had just stayed there, that his friends would have let the bridge get buried, and that he had died there.  Then his friends, his town, his whole world, wouldn't be living in the impending shadow of Gunmar’s brutal reign.

He held himself together though, mostly, because the best thing he could do for his friends and Arcadia was to work tirelessly against Gunmar’s return and fight even harder to keep the two worlds he inhabited - troll and human - safe until they could find a way to defeat the Gumm-Gumm king or send him back to hell.

He hit a very rocky patch when Draal got possessed.  When he’d refused to fight his friend in the hallway of his school, when he saw those glowing, blank eyes and heard the voice from his nightmares taunt from his friend’s mouth like poison squeezed from a stone, it wasn’t just because he didn’t want to hurt Draal that he held back.  He didn’t realize it until after the battle, after Draal had gone and he was alone in his room trying to process all that had happened, but there had been a small part of him that was hoping that his efforts to defend himself would be half-hearted enough for Draal to land a killing blow.  It wasn’t necessarily that he wanted to die.  But he didn’t think he’d be too broken up about it if he did.

But his guilt had soon been replaced with a rushing rage and determination - Gunmar had taken too much already; he would not have Draal! - and soon he was pushing forward, friends at his side, defending Arcadia and Trollmarket, searching tome after tome in Blinky’s vast collection in any ounce of spare time for a cure, anything that would save Draal.

He managed to stay strong - though if it weren’t for Toby and Claire, Blinky and Aaarrrgghh, Draal and Nomura, he would have crumbled long ago - and to fight off the demons that had been raging war against his mind and soul since the moment he’d entered the Darklands alone.  

That is, until he was arrested by the Tribunal on his way down to Trollmarket after a surprisingly fun day in detention.  The moment Usurna’s guards grabbed his arms and started hauling him away, everything that Jim had so carefully and painfully pieced back together shattered, like he was a child who had glued a broken vase back together hoping no one would notice, but someone slammed a door too hard and the glue couldn’t hold…

He didn’t even hear Claire and Toby calling after him, demanding that he be released.  He barely even registered the shocked and indignant faces of his friends in Trollmarket who watched as he was dragged between two enormous trolls, their stone-like hands completely dwarfing his arms, like he was a criminal or a traitor.

He didn’t struggle at first.  He just stared ahead.  He could only feel the pressure of the brutes’ paws around his arms, strong enough to break each one with the tiniest of twitches.  He had been here before, felt the cold, unrelenting grip, felt the toes of his sneakers drag and catch on stone.  He knew what came after.

Cages that shocked, near-starvation, pain and beatings and abuse and fear and darkness and fighting, again and again, exhausted, dying, please no, not again!

And then he was fighting, thrashing and bucking and very nearly wrenching his arms out of their sockets in the process.  If the trolls holding him had fought against him, he might not even have arms anymore.  And yet he still struggled, needing to get away, to be free, no more hands touching him, grabbing him, throwing him, no more bars or cages or prisons, please - 

And then he was airborne, having been tossed like a bag of dirty laundry by the trolls flanking him, and his armor clanged as he hit the back of a cage in Trollmarket’s prison.  Not even registering the pain in his arms or head, he lunged to his feet, metal boots slipping slightly on the slick floor of the cage, escape his only thought, his only goal, he could figure the rest out later.  

With a jarring ring of metal on metal, the cage door slammed shut in his face, and he fell back, balance askew, as the cage was pulled up by a heavy chain, almost to the ceiling, before being tied off.  He hung there, barely able to comprehend the swaying of his claustrophobic prison, only seeing the bars and still feeling the great hands on his arms and flashing between the small metal cage and a damp, cold cell with glowing orange bars.  He tried to fight off the panic, but it already had him in its crushing grip, weighing down on his chest so heavily that he fought for breath.  Why did this keep happening to him?  Didn’t they know, couldn’t they tell, that he didn’t want to be here?  

Jim curled in on himself as much as his armor would allow, resting his chin on the hard, cool plates on his knees.  He tried to ground himself, remind himself that this wasn’t the Darklands, that he wasn’t in the hands of Gunmar, and even if Usurna did plan on executing him like he’d vaguely heard her say as he was lifted higher and higher, surely she would maintain order and keep him safe throughout the trial.  Her guards wouldn’t throw him around like Gunmar’s had.  And his friends would flatten anyone who tried.

His friends…

Slowly, with great effort, Jim began the arduous, perilous climb out of his own mind, flinching at the nightmares bleeding through the cracks, reaching out their dark tendrils and trying to drag him back down.

When Jim finally opened his eyes and lifted his head, it was to see that he was alone, save for the other trolls in prison, eyeing him curiously.  Jim’s breath caught in his throat - where were they?  How could they leave him here, like this?  Alone, in a cage, caught between the present and the past and not wanting to be a part of either.  

He couldn’t know that while he had been fighting to wrest control of himself, battling the delirious fog of memories, that his friends had been forcibly herded out of the room by Usurna and Vendel - Usurna because she was determined to keep a tight hold over things until the details of the trial could be sorted, and Vendel because he knew showing favoritism would only cost the Trollhunter more in the long run.

If Jim were in his right mind, fully in this world and not limping with one foot in the Darklands, he wouldn’t have thought for a moment that his friends would have willingly abandoned him.  After all, they’d stuck by him at his very worst, when he’d all but lost himself and almost didn’t find his way back.  They’d proven they’d do anything for him, even when he messed up.  So they wouldn’t abandon him now.

But Jim wasn’t in his right mind.

He was terrified, in a limbo of things that had already happened and that he wanted nothing more than to forget and things that were happening now that had brought the past out of hiding.  He wanted nothing more than to go home, to hug his mom and curl up under his blankets with his walkie-talkie and joke around with Toby until late in the night, to read comics and daydream about Claire and watch Gun Robot.  He was angry, and hurt, and not sure what was real anymore.  The bars of the cage loomed all around him, and were they getting closer?  Were they glowing orange?

Trembling, his chest heaving with the effort it took to draw in a breath, hands and feet tingling like he’d been sitting on them all day, a high ringing in his ears and his stomach curdling like he’d just finished a glass of year-old milk, Jim folded in on himself and gave in to the darkness that was calling him, praying that sleep would come, or death, he didn’t care which at this point and it felt like he was dying anyway…

He woke up screaming.  A series of clangs rent the air and ricocheted off the walls of the underground prison as his cries startled his fellow prisoners awake, and the sounds and grumbles and growls of, Keep it down, jeez almost sent Jim into another panic attack.

But his mind was a little clearer with sleep, and he sat up from where he’d been slumped, half against the floor of the cage and half against the bars.  His pulse still seemed to rattle his bones, and his muscles were tense and sore - from being manhandled, but also from the intense desire to move, to run, even though there was nowhere to run to.

The nightmares had brought him perfect clarity.  He realized that he had never asked for any of this: not the amulet, not the role of Trollhunter, not the constant danger he put himself in, not the pain or the trauma of the Darklands, even if he had gone in of his own free will, and not this.

Well, he’d had it.  He was done.  He’d put everything on the line, gone through the unspeakable, been hurt again and again, had brought back Claire’s brother, had saved his friends and Arcadia and Trollmarket more times than he could count… and where had it gotten him?

Caged like an animal, no escape, almost certainly awaiting an unpleasant death, abandoned by his friends, left alone in the dark.

He only hesitated for a fraction of a second before removing the amulet and feeling his armor peel away, leaving him small and vulnerable.  There had been good times.  Surely his friends hadn’t meant to leave him like this, all alone.  Probably they had no choice.  And often he had enjoyed being the Trollhunter.  It had given him a sense of purpose, more friends than he’d ever had before, the knowledge that he was truly making a difference.

The moment of uncertainty retreated as quickly as it had encroached, and he flung the amulet through the bars of the cage, as far from his body as he could, both dreading and anticipating the moment when it would fly back to him. 

He’d never had any choice.

His skin was crawling as the amulet materialized in his hands once more.  He wanted to climb out of his own skin, ram himself into the bars of the cage until he somehow broke through or collapsed into a bloody pulp onto the floor.  He just needed to get away.

And so, when a disembodied voice spoke out of the amulet and introduced itself as Unkar the Unfortunate and offered to take him on an It’s a Wonderful Life-themed ride through his own life, Jim didn’t even pause to think.  It didn’t matter that the goal of this out-of-body expedition was obviously to get him to rethink his decision about being the Trollhunter.  

He would take anything he could get, anything at all, as long as it got him out of this cage.  And so he went, not expecting anything to change, fully intending to stand by his choice to stop being the Trollhunter, and truly believing that nothing he saw would convince him otherwise. 

And if he was wrong, then he would just die as the Trollhunter instead of plain old Jim Lake.  Either way, he thought miserably, he’d be afraid and alone.

He closed his eyes and gratefully let the amulet take him.