#that being said I’m curious to watch the whole season to see where they spent all their budget on effects

[mcmactictac]

yes the PJO show still has some significant changes compared to the book (the whole Medusa thing) but the understanding of the characters is spot fucking on. Like the percabeth dynamic? I’m obsessed. The mf consensus song? Hilarious. Every little thing they change they give a new thing that feels so real and in character that I just appreciate we get to see it. It’s like we get to see things that we haven’t before and they’re things that are absolutely plausible and in character for the trio.

[marypsue]

Ahh also as an addendum to my previous ask about the age swap (which I might’ve accidentally labeled as the body swap fic due to the foibles of being awake unexpectedly early ), I was curious what your criticisms are regarding Robin and Will’s treatments by the Duffers? I know you’ve alluded to being bothered by both but I’d be curious to hear more ( if you have the time/hankering!)

Hooboy. Okay. Buckle in. 

Obviously this is going to be a combination of actual literary analysis and Big Feelings That I Have, so like, please don’t take this as any kind of moral dictum on what to or not to watch, or how to or how not to interpret what you watch. Also, a lot of what makes me uneasy and unhappy about how canon deliberately handles queerness (as opposed to when it does queer things apparently by accident, which as you may have noticed, I have considerable amounts of fun with) has to do with behind-the-scenes context I’ve read about, so there’s a certain degree of Telephone involved. And I’m still only halfway through season four. There’s just so fucking much of it. 

With all that said. 

The behind-the-scenes context I’m most specifically concerned with are the season-one pitch bible(? I think that’s what it’s called) (which, it should be noted, ended up diverging in some quite significant ways from what ended up in the show) where the Duffers first raised the possibility that Will might be gay, and the anecdote that Joe Keery and Maya Hawke were the ones who decided Robin should be queer and had to really push for it and wrote and choreographed that scene in the bathroom. Put the two together, and it tells you that the Duffers planned that there would be One (potentially) Gay Character in their show. 

And that character was the one they spent an entire season directing violent, vicious, eventually outright murderous homophobic hatred at through the mouthpiece of a couple of bullies. You can say what you want about revenge narratives and those characters ultimately getting their comeuppance, but for Me Personally, it sucks all the fun and escapism out of season one to watch it thinking that those bullies only got punished when they aimed that vitriol at someone to whom it didn’t literally apply. Also I still have to sit through however many episodes of that vicious homophobia onscreen regardless, so, like, that’s a walk in the park anyway. /sarcasm 

And then there’s that whole bad business in season three, where it’s never been quite clear to me if we’re supposed to see Mike as having been in any way in the wrong. Kind of scuppers the argument, to me, that we’re supposed to be on Will’s side. And season four, which so far has had Will tagging along after people who are supposed to be his best friends but mostly don’t seem to give a single damn about him, doing absolutely nothing but looking morose and sullen and tragic and *coughcough* Artistic, and causing Problems for the nice straight couple. 

(Tangential to the point I’m coming to, but also, my son deserves better than to be reduced to a soggy cardboard standee with ‘GAY’ scrawled across it in magic marker the way season four seems to be angling toward. All the Byers, but especially the Byers boys, deserve better than season four seems interested in giving them. But I digress.) 

Also. I love Robin. If you follow me, you probably know that. I’m a hardcore, ride-or-die Robin girl. But. With Robin, from what I’ve heard of the context, the Duffers never intended for her to be queer. They wrote a girl who was smart and funny and sharp and talented and a little bit mean and a little bit insecure and a little bit weird but in an interesting, endearing way - as a love interest for Steve. 

And then, as soon as season four rolled around, once they’d been pushed into making her canonically, on-screen queer (in a beautiful, tender, heartfelt, true-feeling scene that they didn’t fucking write), suddenly she’s had a complete personality transplant. Suddenly, she’s an awkward, bumbling, annoying loser who’s only funny when she’s the butt of the joke, who’s no good at anything and who nobody really likes except maybe for Steve, an outcast even amongst the freaks. When she does do something smart or competent, everyone around her reacts with shock, like it’s wildly out of character instead of how her character was originally written. One of these versions of Robin was written with ‘gay person’ in mind, and it unfortunately wasn’t the one we were obviously supposed to like. 

In both cases, I get the feeling that the storytelling issues stem from this like...assumption that queerness equals isolation and misery and tragedy, and that there’s nothing to queerness outside of that. That there’s something inherent to queerness, something pitiable but repulsive, that causes the isolation and misery and tragedy (not that those things are imposed from outside, by, say, violent homophobia). That it would be absurd to imagine that queerness could ever be joyful, or playful, or that someone might ever, given the chance to choose, not choose to be straight instead. Or that there could be enormous friendship and community and heart and pride in queerness, or even that queer people might find friendship and community and strength in each other. Or even fucking talk to each other, ever. 

Which is especially infuriating, because the whole central theme of season one (besides surface appearances being deceiving) is that community and care between people who are very different but discover they have more in common than there is that separates them is what saves the day! That love comes in all kinds of forms, and they’re all important, and that love can be stronger than fear! 

But apparently, according to the Duffers, queer love doesn’t count and queer community doesn’t exist. It’s just isolation, misery, and tragedy, and I guess we the watchers are supposed to sit outside of it and pity Them for it (and be quietly, sneakily, a little bit nastily grateful that it’s not happening to Us). Because of course nobody watching the show is queer. Of course. This show is made for normal people. 

It’s part of the same attitude I’ve also seen play out with the Duffers’ inability to just let a white dude be bad. Oh, they want to talk a big game about how they’re on the side of the freaks, and bullies are bad, and everybody should be respected and appreciated for who they are. But when it cuts down to the bone, when applying that precept to a girl or a person of colour or a queer person makes a straight white guy come off as a monster, they keep trying to dodge it. 

The more antagonists they try desperately to rehab without ever acknowledging why they were antagonists in the first place, the more it starts to look like they simply don’t really believe that the people those antagonists hurt really matter. That, somewhere deep down where the assumptions that are so baked in you don’t even realise they’re assumptions live, they don’t really believe that girls, or Black kids, or queer people are as fundamentally human and deserving of respect and compassion as their beloved awful straight white men are. That what they really think about bullies is that bullies are bad because the bullies picked on them, instead of the kinds of people who deserved it.

(See also: that time a twelve- or thirteen-year-old Sadie Sink didn’t want to have to do a kiss in the Snow Ball scene, so the Duffers, who had just been joking about having her do it, actually made her do it. For multiple takes. Specifically because she didn’t want to. And then later related that anecdote to the press. Because they thought it was funny.)

Anyway. Personally, I’d prefer canon just never say anything definitive on the matter of Will’s sexuality and stop trying to push the narrative in that direction, so I don’t have to watch the Duffers spectacularly fumble yet another attempt at Writing About Marginalised Groups. 

(Also, this is absolutely not me saying Watch A Different Show - I’m here writing fanfic for this stupid show, it’d be pretty fucking rich of me to try to tell people to stop watching it. But I’d really love for many of its fans to get some more exposure to less-mainstream, more deliberately queer literature and film, so y’all can see what it really feels like to be seen and acknowledged and loved by a story, on purpose. I get it! I do! I too have wanted very badly to feel like something I loved, loved me back. 

But you don’t have to content yourselves with scraps. And you definitely don’t have to be so concerned with those scraps that you blame your friends, cousins, siblings, brothers in arms for ‘stealing’ some kind of ‘representation’ from you by asking to be seen and acknowledged and loved as well. The bastards who’ve been withholding that recognition from all of us would love nothing more than to watch with amusement, gorging themselves on a banquet, while we tear each other apart over a couple of discarded bones. Don’t give them the satisfaction. We don’t have to be isolated, pitiable, pathetic, miserable tragedies. Put the hollow promises of exclusionism and respectability down. There is queer art and literature and film and community and joy and love in abundance that you don’t have to beg anyone for, and you are invited to participate. This is me inviting you to participate. 

And cordially inviting the Duffers to meet me in the woods behind the 7-Eleven.)

...

tl;dr the way the Duffers treat queerness when they do it on purpose feels like a combination of othering, contempt, and misery porn, and I hate it. And that, in a nutshell, is the rant I’ve been sitting on for the last two-and-a-bit years. I’m getting down off the cafeteria table now. 

[caffernnn]

Hi! I love your blog 💙 also as a fellow makoharu shipper (I finally watch the Final Stroke) I noticed the parallels of Kiyofumi and Ryuuji vs. Makoto and Haru and they are kind of interesting? Kiyofumi tells Ryuuji that "your swimming makes everyone feel good/happy" similar to Makoto saying that he felt happy seeing Haru swim after his race with Rin (also kind of parallels to episode 9 of season 1, where Makoto tells him he felt happy to swim in the relay with him). Also Hiyofumi saying "Hisashiburi" to Ryuuji, which parallels at the end of the movie with Makoto saying it to Haru. Fans on twitter have said that the Fanbook of Free! The Final Stroke mentioned "Kiyofumi is the indispensable presence of Ryuji Azuma as Makoto for Haru but since he passed away Azuma is alone now and really sad." Sorry for the rambling, I just love the meta 😅

Thanks, friend 💚 and YEAH the setup for Ryuuji to see himself in Haru and for his relationship with Kiyofumi to come back in his mind when he sees Haru with his close bonds (especially Makoto) is definitely an interesting one! I think there are more people out there who have spent more time sitting with Ryuuji’s character to properly understand him (I’m trying to be less of a hater) BUT from what I remember (being several months removed from watching the FS movies now) the few insights we got to see into Kiyofumi/Azuma’s past had me curious as to how it would all play into how Ryuuji reacts to seeing Haru’s spiraling trajectory once he chooses to take his advice and isolate. Imagine your grief manifesting into this idea of “I didn’t have a choice, but if you have one, leave before you can have a chance to lose them,” and then not seeing the flaw in that until this kid you see a lot of yourself in falls into that trap and loses touch with himself completely. If the first season of fr! could’ve been seen as a story of lost lonely former swimmers relearning the importance of connectivity through rebuilding (forming a new team, watching Rei learn from the ground up, building skills and trust in each other and everything else), there was ample setup from s3 to the FS movies for Azuma’s arc to mirror that same discovery process. His loss is different (there’s no getting back Kiyofumi for him :/) but there’s still a chance of rebuilding after, connecting after. Coaching is a shot at rebuilding, and the ways he approaches Haru had potential for rebuilding… but I don’t think we got to see as much of that tbh. Part of my delight/frustration with FS is that there are seeds for so many storylines and relationships to care about at this point, but that overwhelm of potential left a lot of avenues not fully explored. I’m not saying that out of all the fun crumbs introduced that the Ryuuji-Haru mentor/mentee storyline should’ve been top priority or anything, buuuut I would be curious to see that whole parallel setup get a proper follow-through. What do they learn from each other, if anything? Does Ryuuji ever realize he’s too close or invested for reasons not related to helping Haru? Do they have a serious talk during his rehab about a way forward that might not involve the pro world long-term, or that might not involve them moving on together? Could there be more moments between Ryuuji and Makoto as he keeps growing as a coach/trainer, since there’s also something interesting there?? Would be curious to see more takes on this 🥲

[maddiestalking]

untitled story based on supernatural

Oh, I know you want to know more.

First referenced post: [HERE] Second referenced post: [HERE]

It’s a fresh idea. All I have is vibes. That’s it, vibes, nothing more. If you’re curious what this (potential) story is about, let me know, I’d love to know, too. I’m joking. Or do I? Well, there’s no way to know it for sure. It’s brewing in my mind but I wish my brain could tell me what this idea is about.

On the serious side, I’ve been watching Supernatural for a week (started on 20.01). There is a couple of things I remember from a couple of years ago, including some of the episodes, but not all. I started watching it and all I could think about is “Is this theepisode?” and I kept asking until I watched it.

Supernatural is a tv show about two brothers, Dean and Sam, following their dad’s footsteps. They become hunters, although they’ve been hunting with their dad in the past, now they’re doing it on their own. They start with ghosts, apparitions, and demons. It consists of 15 seasons and 327 episodes. Sam and Dean go through a lot of different things and supernatural events (pun very much intended).

You are probably asking “What can she write about?” and I don’t have the answer. The truth is, I have a couple of extremely loose ideas.

At this point, I don’t know whether I will write it or not. I will keep it on my to-write list just in case I make a decision to make it happen.

IT'S HAPPENING!

I spent an entire month on trying to organise the plot and it wasn't easy. I kept getting new ideas that required me to change something in the plot, sometimes I had to organise it from scratch, but eventually it paid off. I have a plot.

Alright, enough excitement before I tell you too much.

It'll be a trilogy. Don't worry, the picture is working, I blurred it on purpose. I love a little tease, especially when it comes to the big reveal of the title. I think if you pay enormous attention to blurred words, you'll be able to read the title.

Usually, I create a separate side blog on tumblr, where I publish chapters. This time, I don't know whether this is will happen. I haven't planned it yet, that's all. This will depend on how much I'll have once I write and edit the entire trilogy (I'll come back to this in a minute). I created four separate PDF files, three are for three parts, then fourth is a completed one, where I'll include all three parts. I know you're asking, "Why create a general file if it's three parts" and I will gladly answer your question. Each part has a different title, cover, and the main quote. The same applies to the complete trilogy. Trilogy has its own title, cover, and the main quote.

Since it's a trilogy, I want to write each part, then edit everything at once. Obviously, layer by layer in each part. I don't want to publish (either on tumblr or as a PDF file) the first part and see some inconsistencies within it when I finish third one. It's too much work, because I'd have to come back to the first and second parts later on. This way, I'll write all parts and then edit everything, so I won't make a big plot hole in the middle of an important chunk of plot, where smallest details matter. It's easier without publishing and writing. I think this is the reason why I suck at writing sequels or trilogies in general. I don't take this into consideration at the beginning and I change my mind at the last second, when it's usually too late.

With this being said, we can move to organisational stuff. I'll repeat myself from the previous post, I don't know the premiere date. It's the beginning of March and I've spent whole February on trying to find my own way in organising the plot, mostly because I haven't done that for a very long time and never in such depth. I've never created an outline or a structure with ideas I have. Once I found it, it became easier for me to do it. I'm almost done with planning the first part and at this point I think I can slowly move forward to start planning the second part.

Alright, you read two phrases that may mean nothing to you and I'll take a minute and explain.

Story structure is a three-act structure, so we have the first act (beginning), the second act (middle), and the third act (end). Within the acts we have more in details points such as the midpoint, which happens exactly in the middle.

First act begins with the very first word of the first chapter and ends around 25% of the book. If the book has exactly 200 pages, first act ends on 50th page. Second act begins right after the first ends, so 51st page and goes to 150th page, making up 50% of the book. Third act begins, again, right after the second ends, so 151st page and ends with the very last word of the last chapter.

Story outline is nothing more than a description of the plot and I'm not talking about 400 words and call it a day. No, it's in details. You need to know what happens within each chapter unless you can nail the improvisation.

Besides this, we have more rules, which I won't discuss here due to the post's length and topic, but if you want to know more, let me know, and I'll write a separate post on this tumblr regarding story structure and story outline.

With this in mind, I'm currently on my outline, so I specifically have to describe what happens in each chapter, which, by the way, means how many chapters the first part will have. No, I won't tell you!

I think it's safe to say I'm excited about this trilogy. I've never done such a thing.

This marks the end of my little update spree unless I forgot about something, which is probable. This is all from me for now. ❤️

[writing-nebula]

A Pinch of Christmas Fluff (Mer AU)

It wasn't that Kazuo disliked Christmas, really- it was just that the last several hadn't been any big deal.

There was the staff Christmas party at the school, plus whatever celebrations he had with his classes, and once he'd joined Akiko on the day itself, as her in-laws hadn't been able to come and Hikaru was in the hospital.

But otherwise- and other than that one year- he spent Christmas alone. 

So while he liked the season fine, enjoyed the festivities that came along with it, he wasn't planning much.

Of course, he never planned for Ryo.

They didn’t spend Thanksgiving together, as Ryo and Ginga went to their hometown- which apparently didn’t allow outsiders?- and Kazuo went home to his family, which ended up in him listening to his sisters curse Doji’s existence when he told them he’d run into the guy again.

But, as entertaining as that was, and as nice as it was to see everyone again, he was eager to see Ryo and Ginga again- a fact that his sisters teased him relentlessly about. By the time he got back into town, it was late, and though they were supposed to be back the day before him, he didn’t exactly want to bother them past midnight. So he went to bed, planning to get up bright and early to head over.

He woke up fairly early, just as wanted, but when he stretched over to shut off his alarm, and his tired gaze wandered around his room, he was suddenly shocked wide awake, pushing himself up on his arms to stare at the other person in his bedroom.

What the hell-

“Ryo??” he asked incredulously, and watched as the man scrambled to get up from where he sat on the floor, a bright grin lighting up his face that Kazuo was nowhere near prepared for this early in the morning.

“Morning, Kaz!” his boyfriend greeted him cheerfully, sitting on the edge of his bed now. “Did you have a good Thanksgiving? Get enough sleep?”

Kazuo stared at him in silence for a moment, trying to decide if this was a really vivid dream or not, but when Ryo tilted his head and gave him that curious puppy look he couldn’t help but chuckle, sitting up and running a hand through his messy hair. “Uh, yeah, it was good- and I slept pretty well, I think…?” “Great, fantastic-” Ryo leaned over to kiss his cheek, and Kazuo felt his face flush at the contact, a smile slipping onto his face. “Y-yeah, it’s great, but- Ryo, wh-what’re you doing here- how did you get in??”

“You… Gave me a key?” Ryo chuckled, raising an eyebrow at him. “Not long after we started dating, remember?”

Honestly, he’d completely forgotten- he’d given him the key, sure, but Ryo had never used it before, so he certainly hadn’t been expecting it now.

“Right, right…” Kazuo shook his head and scooted closer to the taller man, still a bit baffled by the whole situation, but happy to deal with it anyway. “Why are you here, then? I mean, you definitely won’t get a complaint from me, but…”

At that, Ryo grinned again, and took him by the hands as he stood up, pulling Kazuo to his feet as well and drawing a yelp from him. “Ginga and I finished decorating the store last night, and I went a little crazy on discount decorations last year so we had a bunch left over, so I figured we could bring them over here and help you decorate! The school doesn’t go back in for a few days, right?”

Kazuo stared at him uncomprehendingly, blinking as he tried to make sense of what was being said to him. “...Decorate?” he finally asked, wondering if his brain was still just muddled with sleep. “Uh- why?”

“For Christmas!”

Ryo squeezed his hands, practically buzzing with excitement. “It’s best to decorate early, really gets you in the spirit of things! If you have some of your own we can start with those, and I brought our extra artificial tree but if you prefer real ones we can wait on that-” Ah, he thought faintly, the realization hitting him in just that moment. I’m dating a Christmas fanatic, aren’t I?

And it turned out that was just the start of things.

Ryo made breakfast for him, and Ginga- who had been waiting in his living room, apparently- proudly presented him with an iced coffee they’d gotten along the way.

He was given time to eat, and process. And then he discovered that you could, in fact, spend an entire day decorating if you had enough things to do.

Ryo had more than enough things, that much was clear.

A lot more things became clear as they hit December proper, and Ryo really got into the swing of things.

The store was like Ryo had bought out a Christmas store, their own home much the same- and it looked great, he had to admit, couldn’t find a single thing to complain about, even when he came home to more color he’d ever had in his house at once.

The Haganes’ excitement over the holiday season was infectious, and Kazuo found himself bringing cookies to share with his class, because Ryo apparently tried to bake every cookie known to man this time of year and would always dump at least two dozen on him every other day.

He found himself using a few spare decorations to spruce up his office, smiling at handmade reindeer- from when Ginga was a child, evidently- and chuckling whenever he glanced up at the small snowflakes he’d hung from the ceiling.

He even found himself wearing a santa hat to work some days, much to the delight of his students, coworkers, and Ryo alike.

All this was done to Doji’s absolute hate, as well, which was just the cherry on top of the whole thing, and it maybe encouraged him more than it should’ve.

(He drew the line at brightly colored, light-up sweaters, though. Ryo could keep those all to himself.)

Kazuo found himself enjoying the season more than he had in years, probably the most he had since he was a kid, and seeing just how happy Ryo was this time of year, how excited he got as the day itself got closer? Absolutely wonderful. It made his day every time he saw his boyfriend smile like that.

For the first time in years, he was actively looking forward to Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, he stayed at the Hagane’s house, watched so many movies he lost track of them all, had more sweets than was any kind of healthy, and stayed up way too late playing a game of Monopoly that ended in Ryo tripping and falling into the tree when he stood up in mock outrage.

(Ginga had been the winner. Kazuo was inclined to believe Ginga had stolen from the bank a few times when Ryo was distracting him with kisses) In the end, he fell asleep tucked against Ryo’s chest, both of them bundled up in the pile of blankets Ryo had dumped on the couch, with Christmas music and a YouTube video of a fireplace playing quietly in the background.

Kazuo was pretty sure he didn’t stop smiling for the entire night.

He woke slowly, nothing but cozy warmth surrounding him, and at first he was confused, because this didn’t seem like his place, and though he was comfortable, whatever he was laying on was definitely not his bed.

Then there was a chuckle from somewhere above him, quiet but rumbling around him, and a hand carded gently through his hair, the combined sensations nearly sending him right back to sleep without a single care to where he was.

“You awake, seashell?” The voice was rumbly too, but this time he recognized it, and Kazuo found himself smiling again as the night before came back to him, all the way up to when he finally drifted off in Ryo’s arms.

Am I really so lucky?

“A little…” he mumbled sleepily, nuzzling more into the warmth that he’d now remembered to be his lovely, warm, wonderful boyfriend. “You’re comfy…” He called me seashell-

Ryo chuckled again, and Kazuo was sure he was grinning like an absolute fool at the sound, starting to wake up more. “Yeah, I thought so- you wouldn’t even let me get up to bring in the presents earlier,” Ryo murmured back, fingers running through his hair again. “But I just couldn’t bear to wake you up…”

“Sorry…” Kazuo yawned as he apologized, nuzzling into the touch.

"No you're not," Ryo rumbled out another laugh, leaning in to kiss his head, and Kazuo could've just melted.

"Fake apologies aside, though, I do need to get up now, seashell- I need to put the presents out before Ginga wakes up."

Kazuo summoned all his theatrical prowess to sigh dramatically, but reluctantly untangled himself from his boyfriend and slid down to sit on the floor, watching as Ryo unfolded himself from the couch and hurried off.

I never thought I'd be so happy, but now I don't know what I'd do without them… 

Soon Ryo emerged again with several bags of presents, which he carefully arranged around the tree for the unsuspecting teen still asleep in his room.

Then he bent down to give Kazuo another kiss, which he happily returned, and this time when Ryo walked off to the kitchen, Kazuo followed- after adding a few presents of his own to the pile, of course- and the two started to make breakfast together, exchanging little giggles at their own rumpled appearances and trading brief kisses back and forth while trying to stay quiet.

Personally, Kazuo was almost hoping that the morning would never end, that they'd stay in this soft coziness forever- where he didn't have to worry about being seen when he shouldn't, or about the gaudily-dressed shark roaming around his workplace.

But all good moments must come to an end- lucky for him, though, it was replaced with one just as good, if… a bit louder. 

Ginga announced his consciousness by sprinting down the hall and bursting into the kitchen, tackling his dad with an excited yell of "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" that Kazuo definitely did not startle back from, and Ryo nearly knocked over the skillet when he laughed and spun the kid around.

Kazuo promptly shoved them both out of the kitchen, announcing they should start on presents so neither of them set anything on fire, and busied himself with finishing up the meal, content to listen to Ginga's excited exclamations from the room over.

He grinned when the book about seahorses was discovered, and laughed when he heard Ginga find the plush- the awed gasp and instant announcement of "HIS NAME IS PEGASUS" made that pretty clear, even if the spikey-haired head poking into the room and thanking him repeatedly didn't.

Finally he brought plates of food out and sat down to join them, sliding a couple more wrapped packages from his bags over to Ryo while Ginga dug some out from… Behind the couch, apparently? They were certainly hidden well, based on Ryo's baffled expression, and Kazuo laughed around a forkful of eggs as the presents were all dumped in the other man's lap, Ginga grinning victoriously.

Yeah, I wouldn't expect anything less. 

"No way-" 

Ryo barked out a laugh as he unwrapped the softest package and lifted the contents up so he could see. "Kaz-"

He peered past the sweater to look at Kazuo, eyes shining and a huge grin on his face and Kazuo couldn't help but smile back even as he rolled his eyes.

"You wouldn't stop talking about them, and I know you don't have one like this."

"God, Kaz, I love you-"

Ryo said it so simply, the words coming out so easily that Kazuo almost missed it, only having time to freeze up as Ryo leaned in to give him yet another kiss on top of countless others.

He loves me.

Is it really so easy for him…? Is it just… that simple?

He loves me?

…Let's have that crisis later.

They went through the rest of the presents more slowly, chatting and eating between them- and with Kazuo maybe tearing up at the sheer number of things Ginga had made for him, he had to hug the kid for a solid few minutes after he was done- and when there didn't seem to be any wrapping paper intact, and Ginga was already buried in his book about seahorses, Kazuo snuggled back up in Ryo's arms, sighing happily and letting his eyes fall shut.

"Merry Christmas, angelfish," he heard Ryo murmur, and suppressed an eye roll at the nickname, instead just smiling and pressing in closer.

"Merry Christmas, sunshine," he replied quietly, and took great joy in the way Ryo's breath audibly caught before another kiss was dropped onto his head, the taller man carefully angling them back until they were laying down right there on the floor, arms wrapped around each other.

A hand started carding through Kazuo's hair again, and he could've purred, feeling nothing but warm and happy and loved. 

He loves me.

…And I love him. 

[sapphicscholar]

Hacks 2.03 and 2.04 Thoughts

Like Ava, I’m trusting the process even when it’s painful, and I’m still watching with an eye toward critical generosity. That being said, some (though certainly not all!) of my thoughts verge on the critical this week as a heads up. Thoughts are below the cut for spoilers (because I had to get this word vomit out so I could start my actual workday haha)

1. I’ve seen a few other people say this already, but the episodes feel a little more disjointed this season with the episodic nature of being on the road and on tour. I don’t mind that in and of itself, but I think it’s also led to this season’s feeling less cohesive in the overarching narrative at least in part because we’re being told more things this season vs. last season when we actually saw most of the action (e.g., we keep hearing that Deborah’s bombing, but, until ep 4, we were largely seeing her get laughs and punchlines in, even if they weren’t the best). So rather than *seeing* the process, we’re often hearing about it via meta commentary for better or worse (again, I think you do what you can with 8 episodes and what seems like an ambitious story to tell and tour to take the characters on)

2. I really loved the scene where Deborah steps in and makes Weed stop the bus to let Ava go look for her dad’s ashes, and the final “fuck it” moment of shedding her fur coat to climb into a literal dumpster to help look was exactly the kind of narrative payoff and emotional catharsis I know and love from this show!

3. Deborah’s always had the capacity for meanness and real cruelty toward others, but this season I feel like we’re seeing more of it directed at strangers, people in the workplace, and even fans--all of whom in S1 we saw Deborah being fairly collegial and even downright friendly with (which set her up from the start, imo, as different from, say, a Miranda Priestly, even though she could be just as cutting). Again, I think part of it is the seeing vs telling thing - I know theoretically that Deb’s frustrated about the tour going poorly, so it would make sense for her to be lashing out more. But because we’re seeing so little of it, I’m not feeling it as much

4. On the other hand, Deborah’s deliberately making Ava jealous (sometimes using and tossing aside others to do it) feels exactly the right amount of petty, and the way she’s doing it, MY GOD, it’s fucking L Word levels of gay 

5. Curious to see what we do with all of Ava’s very vocal pledges to clean living and very visible backsliding (largely encouraged by those around her, which makes sense! The entertainment business is a hard place for sobriety, as are a lot of the most visible spaces for queer life)

6. Look...I could write a whole separate post on ep 4 alone, but bulleted thoughts:

I get that it’s necessary for Deborah’s growth (comedic and personal) both to bomb in this painful obvious way AND ALSO to have some of the really shitty ways she’s talked about whole groups of people drawn out into the open, not for laughs but for scorn. THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT LESS PAINFUL TO WATCH. Holy shit an entire childhood spent in comedy clubs and bar basements, and that’s still in the top 3 worst things I’ve seen go down on a stage

The first 10 minutes or so...idk. I get that we’ve got a queer cast and not totally straight writing staff and all, but a lot of the jokes felt less like we were having a good in-on-the-joke kind of time and more of a laugh at the expense of queer women (like c’mon, why does the first woman to approach Ava have to be creepy about it?) Going into it (esp after having heard so much about how queer fans would LOVE this ep), I think I wanted The L Word Olivia Cruise episode vibes, and instead, it felt like I was watching Friends at first

BUT by the end, the episode felt like it had swung around enough so we could see that Deborah was the problem (the internalized misogyny, the way that she has such deep-rooted problems with a lesbian audience, the doubling down on it all), but I don’t think I personally ever shook my unease from the beginning of the episode

I really, deeply appreciated Ava’s conversation with Deborah during the manicure (so many thoughts about hands and queer erotics...). It gives a lot more nuance to conversations about sexuality than we generally get on screen. Esp after Ava’s brash comments in early S1, this felt like a chance for Ava to be serious with Deborah; she isn’t trying to shock Deborah to get the upper hand anymore, but is instead talking through a lot of things she’s had to process and think through herself, and I SO, SO appreciated it. 

I do hope we return to some of this because I think Ava can and should have a chance to talk to Deborah after that set... echoing a brief conversation I had with @softdeb, the molly-fueled awkward dancing at sea was, um, a choice, and I hope it’s not the last we’ll see of that arc

Also the question of Deborah’s relationship to desire and intimacy felt not nearly so settled as some comments in interviews made it out to be! It feels live and open to me. This isn’t an argument for canonicity or anything, but I do think there’s still much to be interrogated after that meltdown at sea

Oh Marcus... I can and will not talk about the puppy who deserves better 

Deborah’s phone call to Marcus was also so very good. I have a lot of care for both of these two deeply flawed, human characters--and a lot of thoughts about their history--and seeing them have this moment of being able to see each other/be seen while sitting amidst the rubble of all the ways they’ve fucked up was gorgeous. It’s what I’m here for in this show, and ending on that note was enough to make me hopeful

[blanknamed]

trial and error pt. 3 [senku x reader]

I had a lot of issues writing this chapter for some reason. I think I ran out of creativity for a good few weeks so I kinda struggled trying to keep Senku in character. I really just wanted to get the third chapter out though so I hope you like it!

SHIPPING: SENKU X READER

PREMISE: [Name] had always known Senku was a little bit of an oddball but that’s what made him so interesting to her as children. Now in the Stone World, he’s only even more interesting what with his claims about shooting up to a million years worth of technology back, but some things never change with him; specifically on the concept of love. As a way to get him to think about it as something other than “disgusting feelings” she proposes for him to think of it differently, though it seems to be going in a direction she never expected.

PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE

{–*–}

CHAPTER THREE: FINDINGS

He was standing near his base by the time [Name] was done. From the looks of it, he had tried to dress up as well, even if it looked like the littlest effort was made. His hair stayed as big as it was, but what seemed to be a makeshift bowtie was settled on his neck (albeit lopsided, but [Name] didn’t really expect much from him in the first place).

“Jeez, who dressed you up, the local village boys?” She asked once she was within hearing range with Senku.

Scowling, Senku only shook his head. Flicking the strip of rag around his neck, he said, "Chrome and the bumbling fools of guards obviously haven't gone on dates before."

"I don't think you have much room to talk. Besides I’m pretty sure that was obvious," [Name] replied humorously, remembering when Ginro couldn't even look her straight in the eye during her and Senku's first few months at the village. "Why would you ask them of all people anyways?"

Senku raised his eyebrow, as if finding the question peculiar. "Who should I have asked?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the married men in the village?" [Name] suggested, watching as Senku furrowed his brows even more. Giggling, she shoved his shoulder. "So much for being a genius. What, were you so nervous to go on this date with me you forgot something as simple as retrieving data from the most obvious people?"

Senku rolled his eyes. "I'm busy with other things--saving the world from going back another thousand years in society, being one of them.” He reasoned as he turned his head away from her.

[Name] only laughed at him, pushing him to forward so they can start walking towards the woods. “Let’s just get this date other with, shall we? You didn’t forget to plan, I’m presuming?"

“Of course I didn’t. Do you take me for some idiot or something?” Senku asked as he peered at the younger girl, who only gave him a knowing look. Instantly, he shook his head. “No don’t answer that. It was a rhetorical question.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” [Name] trailed off. “Remember when you were so caught up in one of your projects you ended up putting too much laundry detergent in your washing machine?”

That day had been burned into her memory--it had probably been the only time she’d seen Senku visibly panic over something so mundane. They were helplessly watching the washing machine shake violently and become a soapy mess in it’s little area for almost an hour until Byakuya came home to a disgustingly sweet smelling hallway and two elementary school children covered in bubbled up laundry detergent from head to toe. 

“Don’t remind me; I smelled like laundry detergent for two months.” Senku muttered.

“It was funny, though. Definitely took thoughts away from my dad and brother.” [Name] replied happily. She didn’t need to turn her head to see that Senku had immediately spun his head toward her at the mention of her father.

A warm silence followed between them, no doubt Senku was thinking of something to say--should he say something about it? Should he brush it off? Senku had known [Name] enough to know that, while he never took anything like emotions too seriously, she wasn’t exactly emotionally attached to much either. He didn’t doubt for a second that [Name] thought about her family during those late night preparations she partook with him when Kohaku or Chrome couldn’t stay up past the 20th hour like they did.

He also didn’t doubt that she had done the same thing he had done once she thought her family over--understand the probabilities of seeing her mother and finding her father and brother’s grave were most likely slim and choosing to focus the task at hand: saving the world from total chaos at the hands of Tsukasa and his wildlings. So, she kept it silent, just like she always did.

Should I even mention anything about that? He wondered to himself as he helped her walk down a narrow junction between some large trees. They’d known each other long enough to understand each other without much verbal communication. Even after not having much contact once Senku entered middle school along with the whole thousands of years of being petrified in time, they still had a weird connection with each other. Maybe that was why he decided to free [Name] of her stony confindes; no one else could read his mind or understand what he’s thinking like she does.

Whatever route he took, it wouldn’t be awkward, he finally concluded when they reached the river. He let [Name] hop on the rocks that stood above the water before following suit. “Right, that was the day they got into that car accident.” He stated once they reached the other side.

[Name] hummed. “Mom was stuck at the hospital all day and wanted to take me with her; I couldn’t bear the smell there. It was too clean. So I went to your place thinking you might need something since you’re so useless--OW!” She rubbed her head as she glared over at Senku, who looked the other way, acting as if he hadn’t just slapped the back of her head so hard it made her hair flip over her head. “Anyways, I thought you needed me for something and apparently you did, but I don’t think an eight year old could have done much if a ten year old couldn’t do anything except stand around and watch the mess. It was funny, though. Mom and I laughed about it after a few years.”

“Glad to know my endless suffering and pure shock brought joy.” Senku said sarcastically, though [Name] could pick up the light heartedness behind it.

Elbowing him lightly so he can turn to look at her, [Name] smiled at him. “Well just so you know every time I think of the dad and brother, I also think of you with a bubble beard right after.”

Senku, for a moment, felt something turn before he wrinkled his nose. “Did you just family zone me? During a date?” He asked disgustedly. It was his turn to get a slap on the back of his head.

“Seriously? That’s what you took away from that?” [Name] asked, irritated. She decided to look forward as they kept walking, however it seemed as though they walked mindlessly through endless amount of trees. “Where are we going anyways?”

“Just a few more feet. There’s a clearing close by; I think you’d like it.” Senku said as he nudged her forward.

[Name] covered her eyes as she began to notice leaves becoming lower and lower to the point that she had to duck and sometimes even squat to get through some spaces. Man, if I knew this would happen, I would’ve worn something besides this kind of dress, she thought reluctantly as she watched the ends and edges of the dress get dirtied. Still, she persisted as she had been curious as to what the clearing had looked like. She hadn’t gone so far in terms of exploring for the past few weeks; winter was coming and Senku needed every available person possible to help prep the village for the freezing season. She spent hours lining and sewing furs onto their cloaks and coats to the point that she left little prick marks on her hands permanently.

“Okay, we’re here.” Senku announced once they both managed to stand again. Shaking a few leaves away from her head, [Name] looked up to see a green clearing, like Senku said. However, he never said how… Ethereal it was. Wild flowers, ones she vaguely recognized to be new versions of flowers from the past, spread across the spanse of the field. Lightning bugs flicked and glowed every now and then, being the main source of light besides the makeshift lantern Senku was currently crafting beside her.

“Whoa,” was [Name]’s only response. “Don’t tell you found this last minute just for a date, Senku.”

A snicker followed right after. “No. I found it a few months ago when trying to collect foxtail millet for the noodles. Let’s keep walking, though. This isn’t what I wanted you to see.”

It’s not? [Name] thought as she let Senku lead her further past the clearing, walking around the flowers as best as possible. The walk was silent, which surprised [Name] since Senku sometimes never did keep his mouth shut when it came to his little experiments. Could it be he's taking this date more seriously than she expected? She let that thought cross her mind as she watched him walk ahead of her. Not possible. If anything, he might just be keeping things a secret since I'm the test subject. [Name] thought to herself. Why would he even take this seriously in the first place?

"Look I know this is a date and all, but could you not glare at me?" Senku finally piped up, looking at his companion warily. "You look like you're about to plot my murder?"

"Who said I haven't already?" [Name] quipped, finally shaking herself from her thoughts. "Anyways, where did you take us, Casanova?"

She laughed as she watched Senku's face scrunch up in disgust at his nickname. He opened his mouth, ready to spew an insult before he stopped himself, staring at the shorter girl. Sighing, he just waved a hand forward. "Look above you."

"Above…?" [Name] questioned as she craned her neck. She sucked in a breath as she looked at the lightened sky above her. Of course, she's had plenty of nights where she stood outside to marvel at the stars and sky--she had never seen it so bright pre-petrification. She had thought that was the brightest and clearest she'd ever seen when she was in Senku's observation tower. 

That is, until today.

"It's so… So…" [Name] started, but couldn't quite put her words together. She felt Senku brush up against her shoulder as he finished for her.

"Beautiful." He complimented as he stared up as well. 

The sky was littered with various shades of purples, pinks, and blues. There wasn’t a coud in sight, which allowed the stars to litter across the dark plain above them. Faintly, she can make out certain constellations, pointing out the ones she wasn’t too sure to her companion, who nodded in confirmation to all of them.

"Who knew we'd get to see the sky as non-polluted as this." Senku said as they continued to keep watch over the sky.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." [Name] laughed. "I thought the observation tower was something else, but you really outdid yourself here, Senku. I didn't even expect you to walk this far without having you get carried by Chrome or something."

"Killing the mood." Senku replied, flicking her forehead, though [Name] made sure to take notice of his shortened breath he tried to hide. She pretended to feign ignorance even further when she let him walk behind her, catching his breath behind some bushes and then shuffling around until he finally brought a basket out.

"Suika should've given better instructions on where to find this thing." The spiky haired scientist said. "It looked like it got buried under a bunch of dirt instead of sitting plain out in the open like she said."

Senku opened the lid, raising an eyebrow as he pulled out two bowls of his notorious green ramen, wrapped tightly in large leaves to keep it from spilling. With it came a makeshift picnic blanket (though, it just looked like old scraps of dresses sewn together over the years; no doubt Suika had asked one of the older village women if she can borrow it). Together, they worked to keep the blanket down, placing heavy rocks at the corners to keep it from flicking upward since the wind picked up a little stronger from where they placed themselves.

"This ramen tastes gross." Senku groaned once he settled down, though it didn't stop him from continuing to eat it. [Name] only rolled her eyes as she ate it herself (though she did have to agree with Senku; the ramen was gross, but she put up with it anyways), basking in the windy air.

“I’m surprised you haven’t said anything yet about the information you’ve gathered for this date,” [Name] said. “Usually you relay the data to me once you get it all down."

“Can’t exactly tell the subject about the data I’m gathering about them.”

“Oh but you’re dying to tell me, aren’t you?” [Name] pushed. Truth be told, she was more curious on just how exactly he thought of the experiment. Sure, she had been the one to suggest it, but she had zero idea on what his plans are--what were his variables? Was he gathering information? Was he including numbers or was all of this just pure observation? There was no doubt in her mind that someone was observing them as well; most likely Kohaku since she’s better off at hiding and watching without being noticed once.

“Maybe. I’ll tell you after I’m done with this whole experiment.” Senku replied as he took a sip of the water packaged with them before handing it off to her. [Name] took it graciously, taking a few sips as she thought about his wording.

Quirking up her eyebrow curiously, she asked, “Wouldn’t that be tonight?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Senku confirmed. “You think one night will determine this whole thing? It might take more days actually--a few weeks even. I’ll gather all my information, relay it to you, and then confirm whether or not love is just a construct of emotions for me. Which it will be, from the information I’ve gathered.”

[Name] watched him in disbelief. There was no way she actually heard that correctly. Weeks? How’s that going to work? Would I even last a few weeks managing to go on more dates with this idiot? She questioned. “Wha-- I-- Don’t you have a grandiose plan that requires all your time and attention?”

She only received a shrug as an answer. What the hell does that even mean? She questioned herself as [Name] watched Senku stretch. He was the one repulsed by the idea of going on a date. Why would he extend this to weeks? She let herself wonder, pulling all the probable possibilities as to why he decided it so suddenly. Sure, Senku was right about not being able to gather enough information from just one date, but he could have easily just done one or two more nights of their little experiment dates instead of presuming it down to a matter of weeks.

Finally it finally hit [Name]: he was hiding something. What it was exactly, she’s not entirely sure, though she knew Senku was probably planning something stupid that could most likely put him in danger, or worse killed, which in turn would cause her to intercept and talk him out of it. He was probably using this date shenanigans to distract her from his death inducing plans.

Squinting her eyes at him, she decided to hold back on her on findings. After all, if he isn’t bothering to tell her what he’s gathering on her, she’ll do the same. Instead, she sighed, opting to make it seem as if she should have known. “You’re unbelievable.” [Name] replied.

“Oh, I know. That’s what gets you on your toes right?”

PREVIOUS PART - NEXT PART

[forever-rogue]

The Sweetest Sins (A Good Man)

A/N: Soo, a few people have suggested something like this, getting a look into Javi and Dulzura’s life after AGM. And I love these fools so much, I couldn’t say no. This is just some soft fluff, but I hope you’ll all enjoy! Can be read as a standalone or as part of the series. Thank you to mi vida, @bestintheparsec​, for helping me brainstorm! As always, comments and feedback are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged let me know! xx

Pairing: Professor! Javi x Reader

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: fluff of the holiday kind!

A GOOD MAN ‘VERSE MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Javi?” you were halfway in the door when you heard a few gentle yips from coming from your feet. A grin stretched across your features as you shuffled the bags filled with groceries to one arm so you could lean down and give Stevie a pet. He wagged his tail excitedly as he ran around in a small circle, “hi buddy! Of course I missed you too. It’s been a whole day since our last cuddle!”

He barked quietly before darting into the kitchen as you kicked off your shoes and followed behind, wondering if Javier was in the kitchen. As soon as you made your way down the hall, you could hear him softly singing to the record player, telling you that indeed, your lover was working hard on something. As soon as he heard the soft padding of your feet, Javier looked up from the bowl he was mixing something in and offered you a gentle smile, his singular dimple on glorious display. 

“Dulzura,” your nickname feel softly off his lips, reverent, as he stopped what he was doing and came over to help you with your full arms, “you’re just on time.”

“Hi Javi,” you whispered as he pressed his lips to yours, sighing contently as you tried to peek at what he was doing, “what are you doing? What am I just in time for?”

“Cookies,” he grinned as you started to unpack all the groceries for the long weekend that you would be spending with him. You raised an eyebrow at him as you tried to deduce exactly what kind he was making, before pulling out a bottle of wine and setting it down. As you walked to get glasses out of the cabinet, he gave your backside a small pat causing you to giggle at him.

“Feeling cheeky, are we Professor Peña?” you turned and kissed his cheek before uncorking the wine and pouring a glass for each of you, “what kind of cookies are you making?”

“Gingerbread,” he nodded his head towards the various spices on the counter as you took a sat at the bar and watched him close, “my abuela’s recipe. Tis the season!”

“How very appropriate,” you beamed at him, reaching over and playing a stray curl that had worked its way onto his forehead, “you’ve never made her gingerbread before. Any special occasion?”

“Not really,” he shrugged innocently but you could tell there was something underlying his words, “just felt like it would be a good time to make some.”

“I won’t argue with a man that makes me dessert or dinner,” you grinned as you sipped on your wine, but not before pulling Stevie into your lap. You scratched his ears before turning back to Javi, “now what aren’t you telling me?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Dulzura,” he looked at you with his soft brown eyes wide and innocent. You might have fallen in love with them, but you could read them just as easily. There was a little smirk on his face as he carried on, letting a comfortable silence fall over you for a few moments, “I talked to my Papá today. He asked if we wanted to spend Christmas in Laredo this year. The whole family will be there and I know it would make him happy to have us there. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, of course.”

“I’d love to, Javier,” you eagerly agreed, more than thrilled at the idea of seeing Chucho and the rest of Javi’s family again. They had always welcomed you from the start, treating like you family and never questioning or putting on shame on your relationship or how it started, “nothing would make me happier.”

“Great,” he grinned at you, a light tinge of pink rising in his cheeks. Sometimes it still surprised you at how shy and tender he could be, despite his past as the big bad DEA Agent, “I know they’ll be happy.”

“What about you, Javier?” you asked as you reached for his hand, gently taking it in yours and bringing it to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles, “are you happy?”

Javier offered you a soft smile, before pulling the rag off of his shoulder and tossing it off the counter. He slowly stepped around the counter and came over to your side taking your face in his hands before gently pressing a kiss to your forehead and then your cheeks, stopping only when he got your lips, “I am. Very, very happy. Why do you ask?”

“You spent so much of your life helping and protecting others, helping everyone else. I want you to let me take care care of you too. Happiness, yours and mine - that’s all that matters,” you beamed at him, “as long as you’re happy, then I’m happy too.”

“Have I told ever told you how much I love you? But there is something else...” you couldn’t help but sigh contently as you pressed another gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled back slowly and leaned against the counter, attempting to act casual as you tilted your head and gave him a curious look. He seemed nervous suddenly, and for some reason a small knot formed in your stomach. You knew it wouldn’t be anything horrible, but still...what if...what if it was? What if he was breaking up with you? But then again.... “no, no, no it’s nothing bad.”

“I wasn’t worried!” you lied as your voice climbed an octave and you quickly took a long drink from your glass of wine, “no, I wasn’t...”

“That look was all over your face,” he insisted with a small laugh as you threw back your head and sighed dramatically at the ceiling as he made a small sound of aha, “I know that look!”

“I wasn’t panicking...” you tried again, giving him a sheepish little look.

“Dulzura,” he put a hand on your cheek as he gently pushed your hair out of your face, “I know that face, and don’t even argue with me. You know I’m right...”

“Fine,” you agreed, “pray tell then, what’s on your mind? You’re not breaking up with me are you?”

“Am I what?” he pulled back and gave you a curious expression. Yup, apparently you’d gotten it very, very wrong, “no? Of course I’m not breaking up with you. That never even crossed my mind. Did you really think I would do that?”

“No,” you admitted honestly, “I just...don’t ever get nervous when someone says they have something to ask you?”

“I’m too old for that shit,” he said with a soft laugh before shuffling back around the counter going back to finish working on his dough, quickly grabbing out the little gingerbread man cookie cutter. He really was going all out for this, “I...I’ve been thinking.” 

“Oh, cherish the thought? Javier Peña - thinking? I’ll mark this day down on my calendar,” you snorted with laughter but for once Javier didn’t reciprocate the gesture. You stopped suddenly and pushed away the wine, leaning onto the counter and offering him your full attention, “Javi? What’s up? You can tell me anything.”

“When’s the lease on your place up?” he asked suddenly as you pulled back suddenly, wondering why he was asking. It took a moment to figure out where it was going, but when you slowly put two and two together, a little smile crossed your features. But you didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself so you decided to go along with him. 

“No particular time,” you admitted as you drummed your fingers along the stem of the wine glass, “it’s month to month. I can terminate it whenever.”

“It’s just...you’re practically living here anyway,” he concentrated on rolling out the dough to the perfect thickness, “and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have you paying for your apartment when you’re barely ever there and you have much so stuff here...i-i-it’s just a thought of course.”

The grin that stretched across your features threatened to break your face in half. You’d wondered about this, dreamed of it, if you were being honest, the moment the two of you would go from living in separate places to sharing one home. You’d been together for a few years now, and it was the logical next step in your relationship. It know it had been on his mind too was heart warming, and reassured you that this was every bit as serious as you thought it was. 

“Yes,” you slid of the stool and flounced over to him, pulling his attention away from the cookies and onto you. You put your hands in his face, tracing over his features bit by bit, committing it all to memory. You loved those eyes, the softest brown you had seen, so full of life and expression. The little crinkles around his eyes that seemed to be all consuming when he laughed. The mustache that you had once dubbed silly, but you adored so much, especially when it tickled your soft skin. The dimple that came out when he smiled and laughed, the warm golden skin that told stories from many different lives. 

You were so in love with him.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly as you nodded. He seemed to visually relax when he realized that you weren’t immediately repulsed or loathe to the idea. His strong hands found your waist as he pulled you close ad kissed you. It was such a small thing, so gentle and intimate, and you buried your face into his chest, “it’s just...yeah. I can’t wait for you to be here all the time. It’ll be a real home.”

“Home is wherever you are, Javier,” you promised, “if that’s here or someplace else in the future, You’re home.”

“I love you,” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head as you attempted to say something, but were quickly cut off by Stevie barking at the two of you and wagging his tail, “and you too, Stevie.”

“How are you going to get used to putting up with me all the time?” you teased as you nudged him to the side to start cutting out some of the cookies to bake, “although getting to wake up next to you every morning is something I very much welcome.”

“That sounds pretty good to me,” he stood behind you, caging you in his arms as he moved the cookies you cut out onto the baking sheet. You turned your head and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “we make a great team.”

“I agree,” he hummed in content as he went to turn on the oven, “want to decorate for Christmas this weekend?”

“Ooh, can we go pick a tree and everything?” you turned around with nothing but excitement on your face. Christmas was your favorite time of year and you loved doing anything that was associated with it, and now that you had your lover to spend it with it was even more magical. It was like things has slowly come together to finally bring you all of this happiness. Sometimes it didn’t even feel real, but when you laid in bed at night in his arms, or with him in your arms, you realized it was all very real. He grounded you like no other.

“Of course,” he agreed as he took the tray from your hands and put it in the oven, “we’ll go all out this year.”

“Bigger than last year?”

“Even bigger,” he promised, “but there’s one more thing...”

“Well, I already found out that you’re not breaking up with me, quite the opposite in fact,” you crossed your arms over your chest and gave him a playful expression, “what else could you possibly have up your sleeve?”

“When we go to Papá’s house, just know...they’re probably going ask about marriage. Our marriage, more specifically.”

“Our marriage?” you repeated as your raised your eyebrows and he let out a low groan, “Javier, we’re not married, they’re aware of that, right?”

“Oh yes, they know that,” he admitted, “but they’ve been asking when I’m going to ask you. Papá’s been particularly interested.”

“I’d expect nothing less from Chucho,” you laughed, putting him at ease, “don’t worry. I’ll come up with some sort of good comebacks.”

“Good,” he let out a long breath, “good. It’ll happen soon anyways.”

He carried on without skipping a beat as you watched him with an incredulous smile on your face. He hummed as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a few things from the fridge to start preparing for dinner.

"Javier?" you think he items out of his hand as you hastily set them on the counter, "w-what did you say?"

"A lot of things?" he shrugged, confusion marring his features, "want to get a little more specific?"

"Marriage. W-what about it?" you asked softly, "you said it would happen..."

"Of course," he grinned softly before moving past you to keep working on dinner, "I'm going to propose, don't you worry about that."

"Hmmm," you didn't even bother to try and hide the grin on your face, "kind of takes away the element of surprise, doesn't it?"

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted with a show off flourish of his knife, "it will still be a complete surprise. You don't know when I'm going to do it or where or how...so many things that will still be a big surprise."

"I suppose you're right," you agreed quietly moving to help him, "I look forward to your surprise then. One day, whenever it will be. I just have one request."

"Name it," he said softly, "whatever you want."

"I don't want a holiday proposal," you said with a soft shrug, "I think they're so overrated and cheesy. I want something...normal."

"Holiday proposals are normal," he said with a small snort, "and common. What's wrong with them?"

"I dunno," you said noncommittally, "I just want it to be special and not...forced or anything."

"So it's not the holiday thing, its the lack of sincerity?"

"Exactly," you agreed, "I know whatever you do will be perfect. I love you, Javier."

"I love you too, Dulzura," he kissed your temple as he grabbed a pot and set it on the stove. Your little request might have thrown a momentary wrench in his plan, but he was going to make it work regardless. He enjoyed a challenge just as much as he loved you and this would be the greatest yet.

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Mija! What are you doing in here?" Chucho sighed dramatically as he caught you in the kitchen attempting to round up some more food for the party that was going on. You shrugged simply and offered him a sheepish grin, "you are a guest go back out there and have fun. Let me get this!"

"Papá,” you grabbed the tray you had refilled and pushed past him to head back out, "I've got this. You're putting up with me and Javi, trust me, we should be doing this for you!"

"Ahhh, you're calling me that now," Chucho's dark eyes glittering with excitement as he abandoned what he was doing and followed after you. He took the tray out of your hands before you could protest and leaned in so only you could hear, "did my foolish son finally ask you to marry him? I've been telling him for at least the last year!"

A small laugh bubbled up in your throat as you looked across the room and caught Javi's eye. He froze for a moment before lifting his beer in the air and offering you a small smile before turning back to his own conversation, "not yet. But he did ask me to move in."

"Dios mio!" he exclaimed excitedly as a few people turned to look. He waved them off before setting the tray down as people already started clambering for more food, "its about time. I don't know what he's waited so long for! He's been crazy about you from the start...I've never seen him like that with anyone before."

"He just wants to get to take things slow," you said softly, the sheer thought of your early days with Javi bringing a smile back to your face. Back when he was just Professor Peña and you were his student...it seemed like a life time ago, "and I don't mind. I'm not going anywhere...and besides, he did promise he'd propose. Who knows when, but its worth the wait. Javier is worth the wait."

"A heart of gold and the patience of a saint," he gave your arm a squeeze as Javi made his way to the two of you, his arm immediately snaking around your waist as he pulled you into his side. A small sound of content escaped your lips as he kissed the crown of your head. Chucho shook his head before turning his attention to his son, “your lovely girlfriend here tells me you finally got the balls to ask her to move in. What took you so long!?”

“Papá,” he groaned as the older man just laughed, “it’s all working on its own time.”

“Time is ticking,” he pointed at his watch as you giggled and Javier just sighed heavily, “you better make an honest woman out of her and then you can give me a grandchild. I’d like one before I’m in the grave, Javier!”

“Okay,” his face slowly turned as red as the plaid of the shirt he was wearing as he put his arm around your shoulder and started to pull you away, “that’s enough of that for now. Papá, you will be the death of me!”

“Make the right decision, Javier. You know she’s the one!” you couldn’t help but laugh as Javier sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. You wrapped your arms around his waist and and pulled him tightly against you.

"Make the right decision, Javi," you teased before kissing him, "make me an honest woman."

"I told you I will in time," he promised, "you'll just have to wait and see."

"Hmm," you hummed into his chest, "until then I will enjoy living in sin with you."

"Oh yes," he snorted, "two teachers that spend their weekends with their dog or married friends doing wild things like baking and camping. Extremely sinful."

"Maybe not," you laughed before pulling him against you, "but I'd say the sex is pretty sinful."

"I can't argue with that," he agreed, "I like our lives. You're happy, right?"

"Yes," you promised, "very happy, Javier."

»»————-　♡　————-««

Javier glanced up, looking up at you from over his glasses as you walked into the bedroom, now dressed in pajamas and ready to wind down from your long day. He offered you a cheeky little smile before closing the book he was reading and setting it on the nightstand.

Christmas with the Peñas was always something else; loud, boisterous, and filled with nothing but laughter and love. You wouldn't have it any other way - but you still couldn't deny the appeal of getting into the warm, soft bed next to your lover.

"Hi," he said softly as he held open his arms for you, gently beckoning for to come to him, "you look beautiful."

"Javier," you chided playfully before flouncing over, moving to straddle his lap, "I'm pretty sure I haven't slept much in days my hair isn't done, no make up and I'm wearing my old ratty pajamas. Hardly beautiful."

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted as you rested your forehead against his, "you are always beautiful. Like this and every other way. I'm a lucky old fool."

"And what about me?" you asked as you reached up and rested your hand on his cheek, "how very lucky I am."

"Dulzura-"

"For once in your life, Javier Peña, please shut up," you shifted your hand and put it over his mouth, grinning like the Cheshire cat when you felt him smile. You could see that little glint in his eyes as you knew exactly what he was going to do. Ever the former agent, he beat you to the punch and licked across your palm as you pulled your hand away, the two of you giggling like children, "Javier!"

"I thought I was supposed to be quiet," he was so smug and proud of himself as he learned against the headboard, his arms crossed over his broad chest. You rolled your eyes dramatically before reaching up and taking off his glasses and setting them on top of his abandoned book.

"You are a dirty cheater," you insisted putting your hands on his chest and studying him, "now shut up for a moment."

"Yes ma'am."

"I love you, Javier," you leaned forehead so your nose was lightly nuzzled against his, your lips ghosting over his, "no matter how many times you think you're the lucky one, I want to know how much you mean to me as well. I love you more than anything, every bit."

"Dulzura..."

"Javier," you raised an eyebrow before carding a hand through his hair, tugging at his dark locks, "I love this head of hair, that mustache that would look silly on any other man, those eyes that tell me everything, the lips that are lush and lovely, that smile that makes my heart melt especially when you get really excited your dimple comes out and your eyes get all crinkly. That's my favorite...and your soft skin, always so warm and golden. You are everything, Javi. Please don't ever doubt that, even for a moment."

He was silent for a few long moments, his eyes locked on yours as he tried to figure out how to possibly respond. He brought a hand to the back of your neck, slowly bringing your closer to him before you took over and closed the gap, pressing your lips to his. It was a soft, gentle thing, neither of you in a rush as you took quiet solace in each other. There was something so intimate about this, when there was no rush and no endgame, just the two of you being.

"Javi," you whispered softly as you moved to lie down on top of him, "can I ask you something?"

"Obviously," he hummed as he pulled the blanket over you, his hand moving to rub gentle shapes on your back, "what's on your mind?"

"Chucho mentioned...about wanting a grandchild and it got me thinking..." you admitted. Children were something that had been mentioned in passing, but never really discussed. A lot of your friends were starting their families, as well as Javier's that either already had a family or were expanding their own. You'd never really given too much thought to it, always thinking that it never happened it happen or vice versa, but now, looking down at Javier's gentle face, you were rethinking your prior thoughts, "we've never really...do you think you'd ever want a kid?"

"I won't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind," he admitted as he brought a hand on your waist, resting it gently on your warm skin, "honestly, if you would have asked me ten years ago, I would have told you no. Hell, even five years ago."

"What about three years ago?"

"A no, but a little more open minded."

"Two years ago?"

"A maybe."

"A year go?"

"A probably."

"Now?"

"Yes," he answered softly as he smiled at you, his expression gentle in the light glow from the bedside lamp. You gnawed on your bottom lip as you nodded, your touch gentle on his face, "it would be a yes. But only, of course, if the potential mother was fully on board."

"Hmm...what's her name? I can call her up and ask," you playfully suggested, pointing at the phone before you both laughed. You kissed him, slowly - tenderly, before lying down against his chest and wrapping your arms around him, "I think...I think I want too. I've seen you with kids Javier, and you’re great with them, despite what you think. And they love you too, and a lot of time, honestly, I can’t help but imagine what a little one of our one would look like.”

“I...” he wrapped his own arms around you and held you tightly to his body as he let out a long exhale, “love you. I just don’t know...what if...”

“Javier,” his name was firm, resolute, from your lips as you looked at him, “you are a good man. You have always been one, and you’ve done so much to prove that to yourself, me, and everyone else, we all know it’s true. I know things are never easy, but this you have to trust me, okay? What children we have will be so lucky to have you as their father. I will entertain no arguments to the contrary, yes?”

His expression softened, almost like you had chased away any of the lingering fears and worries he had as he nodded slowly, that dimpled smile spreading across his features, “and you will be an amazing mother. We’re a pretty good team. huh?”

“I like to think so,” you agreed, “and that’s thing, Javier, you’re not alone in anything. I’m with you all the way, every time.”

“Yeah,” he whispered against your lips, “I knew that a long time ago. When you stayed, when you heard about all the things i did but you still stayed, and helped.”

“Because I love you, old man!”

“Do you know why I waited so long to ask you to move in?” his voice dropped so you could barely hear it and you tilted you heard, waiting for him to go on, “I was afraid when I finally asked you that would be the final straw, and you’d realize you didn’t want to be with me or...something.”

“After all this time?” you sighed lightly at him before touching his cheek, “you silly man. I wouldn’t have left if you asked a year ago or two, or  four years from now. You’re not getting rid of me! Besides, you always find me the best tea, and honestly I’ve got a little used to that...and I’m pretty sure I was promised an engagement, and I kind of...am not letting that one go either.”

“God, I love you,” he laughed as you kissed him and his large hands slowly found their way under the hem of your sweater. It was a way to ground himself, you’d realized a long time, but a still a sweet. intimate gesture, “do you...why does this feel so silly to get nervous about? If we were going to try for a baby, theoretically of course, have you given thought to when?”

“Yes and no,” you admitted, “part of me says we should just let it happen, and part of me says now, and part of me says never because of becoming a parent is fucking terrifying. What do you think?”

“I just...I feel like I’m getting older-”

“Javier, you’re only forty-four.”

“Facts are facts, Dulzura,” he laughed lightly, but this time it wasn’t bitter or self annoyed, “I don’t know, it’s really...if we do this, you’re the one who will be carrying the baby and giving birth, I really think a large part of is up to you.”

“Oh god, see that’s the part I’m trying not to think about.” you laughed lightly, “but the rest of it I’m totally on board with it. How about...how about we just let it happen? Like we don’t try, but we don’t not try. I think we’re both at a good place in our lives, and you know you have me forever and always.”

“What if we happened before we got married?” he asked as you shrugged lightly, “imagine what the old ladies in the neighborhood would think!”

“Ahh, fuck them,” you both laughed as he nodded, “they already know we’re living in sin. I mean we’ll be living together unmarried, have had plenty of premarital sex, not that I’m complaining at all, I hardly think having a baby would  make things worse. After the new year...I can talk to my doctor and stop taking my birth control and we can go from there. Besides, I don’t care what order we do things in. I know we’re not going anywhere.”

“That’s where you’re right,” he promised as he slowly say up, gently moving you out of his lap as you made a small sound of surprise, “can you close your eyes, Dulzura?”

“Javier,” you obliged him and tightly closed your eyes but just playing along further, you used your hands to cover them as well. Feeling cheeky, you teased, “is this some new form of foreplay?”

You listened to him shuffle around for a moment before he sighed heavily, although you could tell it was not at you. After a few moments of silence, you could feel him in front of you again, his natural warmth radiating onto you. He cleared his throat before almost whispering, “open your eyes.”

“Javier-” but your words were quickly suppressed and caught in your throat as you looked between the gorgeous ring he was holding and the nervous expression on his face. You opened and closed your mouth a few times as tears welled up and you realized exactly what was going on, “Javier.”

“Will you marry me?” he asked gently, looking so nervous as all you could do was nod and offer him the biggest smile you had ever given anyone. He reached for your hand before gently sliding the ring onto your finger, holding onto it delicately before wiping away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “I love you so much, Dulzura, more than you will ever know. You have made me so happy, have made life so much better than I thought it could ever be, from the moment I first saw you. I never thought I would ask someone to marry me again, I never thought I deserved this, but have thrown my life upside in the best ways possible. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life.”

You reached up and pulled him to your lips, giving him a gentle, salty kiss, “I love you more than anything else. I cannot wait to be your wife. I would have been content to never be married, as long as spent our lives together, but this is pretty good too. I like this, I like us, and I’m kind of looking forward to being Mrs. Pena.”

“It suits you,” he agreed with a nervous huff of laughter. He couldn’t believe he had actually managed to summon up the courage and do this, “I can’t wait either....I know you said you didn’t want a holiday proposal but this...just...I didn’t want to wait.”

“This was perfect, Javi,” you admitted, “see, I told you, it was all about the sincerity factor, and this was...I know this is just for us, and that’s what made it perfect. I know it came all from your heart. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How long have you the ring?”

“A while,” he confessed nervously, “I...ummm, I bought it a few months after we started dating. I just...I just wanted the timing to be perfect.”

“Javier,” you heart melted all over again as you looked at shy little smile. He had known - he had known it was you from the beginning, just like you had, “you’ve been carrying the ring around for almost three years?”

 “See when you say it like that it makes it seem so silly,” he confirmed your question as you practically jumped off the bed and barreled into his lap, wrapping him in your arms. You were safety, security, warmth, light, and love. You were home, “I just needed the perfect moment, and this was perfect.”

“I am so in love with you,” you whispered in his ear as you held. You just held him as he held you, silent but your breathing was in synch as you soaked in this moment. He was rocking you as he rubbed your back, “you know how I said you were a good man?”

“Yes...”

“I was wrong,” you pressed a kissed to his shoulder before working up his neck and jaw, stopping at his lips, “you are the best man.”

“Now you’re just flattering me,” he chased your lips with his own as you played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“It’s not flattery if it’s true,” you said with an air of finality, “now everyone can leave us alone and stop asking if we’re getting married.”

“You want to tell everyone, here and now, with the entire family here for Christmas?”

“Shit,” you both laughed, “let’s wait a while...at until after Christmas, otherwise we’ll never get out of here alive. Besides...I kind of want to enjoy this and keep it just for ourselves...as long as you’re okay with that.”

“That sounds perfect,” he agreed, “our little secret for now.” 

“I love you, Javier....you are everything.”

“I love you, Dulzura. Thank you for everything, you have made me the happiest man.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[seylumdarklight]

Cold (Corpse Husband X Reader)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! As a gift, I present this story as a present. I apologize for any grammar and spelling errors, I had been trying all day to finish this but my family seem to make it there mission to keep me from working on it.  I hope that everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday! Pairing: Corpse Husband X Reader. Fluff fluff Maybe the cold wasn’t so bad. _______________________________________________________________ It was safe to say Corpse was a Cali boy. The sunny, warm city of San Diego has been his home for all his life. The only differences in the seasons were that the temperature dropped about ten degrees in fall and winter. Corpse was west cost boy through and through. You, however, came from the northeast United States. Hot, sunny summer days on the beach and cold, snowy winters were the beloved memories of your childhood. You loved the orange and reds that painted the trees in fall and the colorful flowers that sprung up in spring. The changing of the seasons was a hard loss when you moved to the west coast. You were okay with it, you had amazing friends and a wonderful loving boyfriend but the holidays didn’t feel quite the same. You were a little down when you say the Christmas decorations and the temperature were in the high sixty. There had always been the idea of going home for the holiday but you didn’t want to leave Corpse alone. No one should spend the holidays alone and you two had spent the holidays together since you first moved to the west coast. Your family had been asking for you to bring this wonderful boyfriend you mentioned so much home so they could finally put a face (and name) to the man and what a better time than the holidays right? As much as you wanted to, you always turned down the invitation and idea of going back home for the holidays. Traveling was stressful, especially when it was to another state. Add on the stress of the usual stress of the holidays and meeting your family on top of that and you worried. Corpse already had a bit of a hard time going outside and you didn’t dare put that kind of stress on him. You were content with spending the holidays in your little apartment with Corpse. That was until he brought the idea up himself. “Are you sure you are okay with this?” You asked for probably the thousandth time. The two of you were getting ready to head to the airport. Suitcases were by the door and you were doing one last check around the apartment before you left. You figured that it would be best to get an overnight flight because they were less likely to be crowded and less chaotic. Your question had been one that you had asked over and over again. “For the hundredth time, I’m perfectly okay with this, Y/N.” Corpse said, hiding his shaking hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “It’s too late for us to cancel anyway.” Tucking the envelope with the tickets into your purse, You walked over to Corpse and looked into his eyes. After two years of dating, the two of you were pretty good at reading each other. You could see his anxiety was through the roof but Corpse was trying to keep a brave face for you. Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His breath fanned against your neck and he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. “I love you, Corpse. If you don’t feel okay with this, we don’t have to go. My family will understand.” You told him as you pulled back slightly.  Corpse tilted his head down slightly, gently pressing his forehead against yours. “Honey, I want to do this.” He said before kissing your forehead. “I’m curious to see where you grew up and meet your family. You’ve done so much for me, Let me do this one thing for you.” You blinked away the tears that were threatening to fill your eyes. “I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you.” You said. A grin spreads across Corpse’s lips and he chuckled. “I wonder the same thing every day. Come one, we better go before we’re late.” Stealing one last kiss from each other, the two of you locked up the apartment and headed downstairs. Corpse felt your hand slide into his, warm fingers lacing with his cold ones, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He squeezed back, smiling softly. His nerves and anxiety were still pretty high but with you by his side, it didn’t seem so suffocating. ________________________ It was cold. Really cold. Corpse groaned slightly as he slowly woke up, his body aching slightly. The familiar warmth and scent of vanilla told him that it was you cuddled against his side. Out of habit, he lifted a  hand and ran it through your hair. With his other hand, he sluggishly felt around on the side table for his or your phone. He grabbed it and brought it close to check the time. The brightness of the screen made him flinch and let out a mumbled curse as he fumbled a bit to turn it down. Once he managed to do it, Corpse saw that it was three am. Well, he had managed to get at least a few hours of sleep. The two of you had been at your parent’s house for three days. It hadn’t been bad. The plane ride and meeting your parents had been the most stressful. His hands couldn’t stop shaking and he had been breathing a little faster than normal but you managed to keep him grounded. You never let go of his hand, constantly reminding him that you were there. Your family was very welcoming. Your mother had wasted no time to break out the baby albums and show Corpse the pictures of younger you cover head-to-toe in the mud with a bright grin on your face. Your father had been prepared to give Corpse the whole “Protective father talk.” but one look at you and Corpse’s intertwined hands and the way you were towards each other, he knew that his daughter was in safe hands. You couldn’t be more ecstatic that your parents love Corpse and you could slowly see Corpse relaxing around them. A sudden chill ran down his spine and Corpse held you a bit closer. The cold was one thing he was not a fan of. He was from San Diego. The lowest it ever got there was in the fifties and when you two-step off the plane, it was freaking thirties. It sucked! He pulled the blanket up higher, trying to salvage some of the warmth underneath. It made his body ache, his nose runny, he could feel the tips of his fingers or his toes and it was just...cold!! Looking towards the window, he noticed something. He shifted a bit to get a better look. Outside, in the soft yellow glow of the streetlights, snowflakes slowly danced down to earth. It was a steady flurry, not too light yet not a huge snowstorm. Corpse watched the flakes descended from the sky. He had never seen snow in real life before. “It’s pretty isn’t it.” Corpse looked down to see you awake and watching the snow with a sleepy smile on your lips. “When I was younger and I knew it would snow, I would stay up to see the first flakes fall from the sky. There something about seeing those flurries that just makes me happy..” He hummed softly, fingers lazily running through your hair. You melted slightly as you turned your head to nuzzle him. A smile tugged on his lips and he pressed his face into your hair. You were right in a way. While it didn’t give him the excitement you mentioned at the moment, maybe because it was late and/or he was still overly tired from being. However, watching the snowfall in the warm, yellowish glow from the nearby streetlight and having you snuggles against his side sent this calmness over him. He closed his eyes, pulling you close. You had already drifted back to sleep, a content smile on your lips. For a moment like this...maybe the cold isn’t so bad. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I think its pretty decent for having been slightly rushed. If anyone wants to be added to a future tag list, let me know. Now I’m off to bed. Merry Christmas to all and too all a good night.

[danniburgh]

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 18

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +3.8k

Chapter warnings: mentions of captivity, kidnapping and death, hints of misogyny, even more feels omg

A/N: This chapter is set in season three, episode eight. // look guys at this point its all plot lmao, so yeah... also, please, please get ready, next chapter is gonna be almost the double of words and feels so... just a heads up

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

←previous // next→

gif: @bratdjarin ​ 

The time after that call went faster and faster. 

You found yourself running through the embassy hallways along with Feistl to let the ambassador know Javier had Christina Jurado with him, then assuring him she would be safer staying in your house, making sure Feistl backed you up so Crosby wouldn’t be a pain in the ass and asked you if you could handle any strong situations that may concur while she was with you.

Then you went and made some arrangements to get another field agent to be your second as Feistl and Van Ness still had to fix their own shit. By the time you finished running around, Javier was back.

The office was almost empty, spare from Stoddard furiously typing into his computer, from the entrance you could see Javier standing in the middle of his office with his arms crossed on his chest and Christina Jurado sitting in front of him in the loveseat, both in complete silence.

You almost ran through the bullpen when you saw him, crossing the doorframe to his office and throwing yourself at him.

“Fuck, you’re okay,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and fisting his shirt while he let out a soft oof. Javier let himself embrace you back, letting his arms down and around your waist, you shoved your head in the crook of his neck, not caring that he smelled like sweat and smoke and gunpowder and death. 

You didn’t want to ask him what he had to do to bring back Christina, and you were sure he wouldn’t tell you.

Javier let out a heavy sigh when he felt you finally inside his arms again, for a moment he forgot where he was and let himself breathe you in and out, using you yet again as an anchor to the real world.

You broke the embrace and cupped his face, making double sure he was unscratched, making double sure he was whole, making double sure he was good, at least physically.

He didn’t hold your gaze; he was looking behind you and you turned around.

“Christina,” you muttered, she looked up at you quizzically and for some reason that you didn’t want to dive in at the moment, you wanted to hug her.

There she was, a gorgeous, brave woman who had spent days in a place you were sure was worse than hell, with people that didn’t care about her, sitting there in one of the safest places in Colombia, just waiting for her fate to happen.

You couldn’t stop your brain for comparing and making parallels of your life to hers; she was the wife of a narco accountant; she had been living under the radar for a long time and she seemed to hate it, she merely loathed it and everything that had to do with what her husband was doing; and you, unmarried, oddly loved and chasing down the guys that practically paid her bills. You were about the same age and yet your lives had taken deeply different paths. And both of those paths had brought you both there. To a shitty office in an american government facility in a country neither of you had been born in, looking into each other’s eyes, relating to each other on more than one level.

For a moment you let yourself think what would’ve happened if you would’ve been the one that talked to her instead of Javier. It was a horrible thought; it was terrible to think and utterly useless, but maybe, just maybe, some things wouldn’t have happened.

“Hi,” she whispered, her voice was deep and quite hoarse, she leaned to rest her hands on her legs and you stepped towards her.

“I’m agent Martín, I’m gonna be with you until your flight tomorrow morning,” you explained to her, and you saw her let out a sigh, as if she was more relieved with you there “I’m gonna take you to my house so you can clean up and get some sleep, if that’s okay with you,” you saw her look at you with precaution and pondered the answer, then she just nodded.

“Is Javier gonna come?” she asked, bewaringly, you looked at her attentively and she glanced at him behind you for less than a second. You knew she had seen what he did to get her out of the place she was in and you understood, with the way she was sitting and staring at everything but him, that she wasn’t really fond of the methods.

“No, he’s not,” you assured her, feeling the deep stare of Javier in your back. Christina deflated slowly and breathed in, as if relieved, you stretched your hand to her. She looked at it and then looked at you for a few seconds, deciding if she would trust you or not, you tried to give her a reassuring smile and she took your hand, standing up, “have you eaten?”

“No,” she looked at the floor as you guided her to the door. You turned to look at Javier and he was frowning at the way you were managing the situation. You didn’t need to read his expression or his body language to know he just felt guilty because he didn’t have the same rapport in him. At least not anymore.

He wanted to ask you what the hell were you thinking to take Christina out of the building, but instead just looked at you, trusting you would at least read in his face how insecure about it he was feeling. You shook your head once and gave him a hard stare. He stiffened, and tightened his jaw, then mimicking you and nodding as well, knowing he had to let you do your part.

“Let’s get you some food as well,” you muttered to Christina, who turned to look at Javier one last time.

“Thank you,”

“Don’t thank me, let’s go, someone is waiting for us downstairs and you have a flight early in the morning,” you said, pulling her softly a bit closer to you, as you both walked out of the office.

The next morning came by. You and Christina were sitting in the backseat of Javier’s suv, him driving and another agent sitting next to him in the co-pilot’s seat. Christina was looking through the window, watching Bogotá waking up with her arm curled around yours.

The drive was quiet but tense, and while you felt Javier’s staring at you through the rearview mirror, you remembered the conversation you had with Christina when you arrived at your place the night before.

“Are you Javier’s girlfriend?” she had asked you, sitting on the couch, waiting for you to finish talking with the other agent that had to spend the night at your door and settle next to her. By the way she had asked you could notice it had no double meaning, she was genuinely curious.

“You… could say that,” you replied, biting your lip to stop yourself from smiling, “we don’t really have a name for… this,” for some reason you didn’t know you found Christina really trustworthy. You reasoned that it was maybe because she was trusting you to take care of her safety until she could be in her own country, so it was the logical thing to trust her back. She sighed at your reply.

“I don’t think you really need a tag, y’know,” she had said, and you nodded. She kept quiet for a moment and then grabbed your hand, her skin was cold and her hands were shaking, “I also fell in love with a dangerous man,” she said, making your breath hitch.

“Christina…”

“Don’t let him do to you what being married to Franklin did to me,” she muttered, almost as in secrecy. You looked at her and wished you could just take away all the shit she had lived in all the time she was captive.

The sentence lingered in your mind and settled itself in that nagging part of your brain that made you overthink things. You didn’t know exactly if she was referring to the inevitability of danger into the jobs her husband and your… Javier had, or maybe something else.

She tightened the grip on your hand, bringing you back to the moment, and for a second she lost herself, staring at everything and nothing at the same time. You wanted to ask her so many things and make sure she was okay. You didn’t find the strength in you to take her out of her trance, knowing maybe that was just her way to cope with… everything. 

“I didn’t know if I was going to get out of there,”

“Christina,” you called her and she looked at you, still absentminded “I’m sorry, I have to ask, did they… do anything to you?” the question took her by surprise and her eyes watered. You could see she was already tired of crying and by that point she was past feeling sad. You watched her take her time to answer with expectation, and she shook her head, provoking your chest to fill with air, contented that at least they had spared her that one horror.

“No, they didn’t, but they wanted to,” she had muttered, making you shiver.

It amazed you how receptive your body was being to what she said. And yet again, you realized that you couldn’t avoid comparing yourself to her.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Christina,” you told her, putting your other hand on top of hers that was gripping you. She looked at you and narrowed her eyes slightly.

“Are you really?” her question caught you off guard more than you would’ve expected, she was asking again, genuinely, still having some barrier that wasn’t thrown for you, and you couldn’t blame her for that. You could see she still was scared of something or someone and you could also see that she was angry, not exactly directly at you, but angry.

“Of course I am, I was supposed to bring you to a safe place when you were… when they took you,” her trembling hands moved awkwardly and she stared at you “after Javi arrested your husband, he told me to go to your house and get you to safety, but when I got there, you called him and told him you saw cops and left,” you remembered the call Javier had given you after that, you still recalled the tone of his voice, desperate and frustrated, similar to the one Franklin Jurado had in one of his calls with Christina. You wondered if that could be taken as a parallel of your relationship, but decided not to go there, wasn’t really useful to keep comparing.

“That’s when he told me to go to the embassy,” Christina muttered and you nodded, her gaze got lost again and once again, you saw something inside her eyes that screamed and shouted even though she was sitting in front of you in almost utter silence. She was angry, so, so angry. And you couldn’t blame her for that either.

“I was actually waiting for you,” you told her, she sighed and you bit your lip again, “and when you didn’t arrive I just… I’m just really glad you’re safe, you didn’t deserve any of that,”

Christina shook her head a few times and took a deep breath.

“No, I didn’t” her reply confirmed what you were just seeing. You wanted to tell her so many things, you wanted to tell her that she wasn’t alone, that she was going to get through all the shit, that she was going to see her husband and that even though he was in jail, he was protected and she would be able to rebuild her life, no longer in the shadows, you wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay… But you didn’t, because you didn’t know that. “what’s gonna happen to me now?” she asked, and for the first time since you’d been talking, you heard a tremble in her voice, hesitation, insecurity, and it didn’t suit her.

“He’s gonna fly you home, you’re gonna see your husband” you had said, trying to make things at least a little more bearable, but she just let out a huff and turned to you.

“Are you coming?” Christina asked, her eyes set in you. You weren’t sure if you had that kind of power.

“Do you want me to?” 

“Please”

After that you showed her the bathroom, gave her some of your clothes and almost forced her to sleep in your bed. Then, when you were sure she was at least more comfortable than she was when she arrived, you had called Javier to tell him she wanted you in the plane with her.

You arrived at the airport and Christina was escorted by you, Javier, the other agent that had spent the night at your place’s door, and two police officers. You got settled in a private waiting room and Javier made sure the only ones inside it were Christina, you and him.

“I’m really sorry for taking away your clothes,” Christina said, still grabbing your arm, you were watching Javier looking through the window of the room and turned to her, shaking your head.

“Don’t be, they look better on you,” you reassured her, feeling quite better with yourself for having her smiling at you, a female voice talks through the speakers and Javier turns to you, he captures back your attention and you give him a small smile.

“In less than an hour, we’re on that plane,” he says to Christina and walks to sit behind the two of you “your husband knows, he’ll be waiting for ya,”

Christina said nothing, she just squeezed your hand and you for once tried to be silent, not wanting to meddle in whatever they had, as the mood inside the room had changed and apparently you were the only one that could feel and almost see the palpable tension they had with each other.

“It’s all behind you now, Christina,” Javier muttered, you turned to see him with narrowed eyes and a quirk in your face that asked him if he really just said that.

“And you think I should thank you for that?” Christina rhetored bitterly at him, not even bothering to look at him, you turned to see her and realized who her anger was directed to. And you… understood.

“No, no I don’t” Javier deepened his voice at her.

“No, you think you’re a hero because you, what, executed a bunch of farmers to get me out so that my husband would testify for you?” Christina’s hand gripped yours harder and you tried to keep your calm. You could feel Javier’s gaze glued to your face and you didn’t turn to see him. Not ready to see in his face what you thought you had heard in his voice.

“I did what I had to do and I’m sorry for what happened to you,” your head snapped almost involuntarily at him, your eyes wide and your mouth parted in surprise. He tried to remain serious but he knew you almost completely and you knew him as well. You saw in his face that he really didn’t mean it, you saw in his face that he was only saying it because his ego was hurt. And you noticed in the way he was avoiding your eyes that he knew you already knew. Un fucking believable.

“No,” Christina looked at him and made a quirk that told you she really didn’t believe him, and you couldn’t help but notice the difference at the gesture her face made the night before, when you told her the same thing. You bit your lip to avoid popping out and ask her why she did believe you but didn’t believe him, but you were pretty sure you already knew why. “no you’re not, and you know it,” your gaze stayed in Javier’s face, in his thumb brushing his lower lip, in how his eyes looked at everything but you or her or himself, on how he had stretched his legs to the sides and left his hand hanging, and you saw it, one of his many faces but not the one you were expecting to see, not the one you wanted to see. The agent face. The police enforcement mask, one that showed, maybe even unconsciously, that he only cared about the operative, about the mission, about the main goal. Not about the woman that had lived through hell and he had pulled her out of there himself “you’re a piece of shit.”

Christina turned to the front, still holding your hand and your eyes were trying to get Javier to look at you.

Javier knew himself, he couldn’t bear to look at you because he knew you already had a pretty clear idea of what was going through his head and he was embarrassed. Because he knew you cared, he knew you cared deeply and he felt guilty that he didn’t care as much as you did, he felt embarrassed at the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to care. He wanted to, he really did, but he was just so damn tired.

Exhausted didn’t convey exactly how he felt, he didn't even know if there was a word that could fully express how he was feeling sitting there in the middle of an almost empty waiting room in an airport waiting to take a woman he had promised himself to take care of to convince her husband to risk his life and betray his employers.

Javier thought Christina was right, he was a piece of shit. A piece of shit that didn't deserve to look at your beautiful, ever understanding eyes.

Javier didn’t look at you, and you didn’t like the way he was acting. And for a brief moment you saw a flash of something running through his face. It was anger but wasn’t, it was sadness but not quite, it looked like pride. Was his… ego, hurt?

The time to board the flight came and you felt Christina relax besides you. The whole convoy of police enforcement was escorting Christina to the gate when Javier’s phone rang.

“Yeah,” Javier answered the call and you turned to look at him next to you, “yeah, we’re about to get on the plane, we’ll be in Miam–” he was suddenly cut off, he stopped walking and you did too, Christina saw you and turned to see what was going on “when?” he asked into the phone and a shiver went down your spine, the woman beside you felt your body stiffen as Javier finally looked into your eyes and with one single glance told you everything, “let me call you back.”

“What happened?” Christina asked, trembling next to you, as if she already knew the answer.

“He’s dead” you murmured, still looking into Javier’s eyes. You felt a heavy pull next to you and suddenly a pair of officers were next to you. Christina was collapsing on the floor.

Javier’s eyes fell to Christina as yours filled with unwanted tears. Why were you crying? you quickly tried to analyze what you were feeling and learned that it wasn’t really because of the case, the case and the trial and the testimony was all shit anyway, you knew it, but he didn’t.

It was because your mind was playing with the parallels. You related to Christina even if she didn’t relate to you, and now she lost her husband, while Javier was standing in front of you feeling guilty for all the pain he thought he had caused. You could see the irony, then the question was if you were about to lose Javier as well.

“She needs to go to Miami anyway,” Javier said to you a few moments later. You nodded. His eyes were in yours and he stole a handgrip from you “let’s go,” he said, aiming to walk away from the gate, you frowned at him, giving him a look that asked him if he was out of his mind. He felt a tug in his chest, knowing already you would fight his plea.

“Don’t leave,” Christina was being helped to stand and she grabbed your other hand, making Javier drop the one he had taken, you could see the hesitancy in his face.

“She’s gonna be escorted all the way back to Miami,” Javier’s tone was dubious, the way you were looking at him made him doubt himself for the briefest of moments.

“I’m gonna go with her and make sure she gets to safety” you said. Javier sighed at your willful tone of voice.

“Florencia,” he called and you tightened your jaw, you knew he knew better than to try and contradict you right there and then.

“I’m going,” your voice softened slightly and you turned to Christina “can you go ahead and board? I’ll be right behind you,” you reassured her, she nodded slowly and one of your partners helped her get to the gate, you turned back to look at Javier, noticing how much he was struggling to come up with something to say. “whatever that was, back in the waiting room, I need space from that,” you blinked your unshed tears away and he just nodded back at you, knowing exactly what you were talking about and understanding, begrudgingly, why you wanted to be away from him for a while “I’ll be back tonight and maybe we can talk,”

“I don't thin–”

“Javier,” you cut him off, shaking your head softly to stop him “I’ll see you when I get back.”

Your hand reached to his wrist and you gripped it as strongly as you could for a few seconds, his eyes seemed a bit lost and even though you knew he was having a thousand and one reasons to not let you go, to keep you in Bogotá with him, to need you with him, you had one strong reason to get away from him at least for a day.

One that made you feel hypocritical and traitorous; if he reacted with little empathy and pride to what Christina had told him, how the fuck would he react when you told him the truth?

So you let go of him, gave him a last stare and turned around to walk to the gate, board the plane and take Christina home. For the first time, while flying through the Gulf of Mexico, you had plenty of time to think about all the mess that you had gotten into. And your mind came to one conclusion: there was no way on earth that Javier would forgive you for what you were doing to him.

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[may-day-voice]

Prom Night Lights | The Middle

Shouto Todoroki Timeline | 172732014

please do not repost, but you have permission to reblog :)

• Watch/ Listen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/7lymhRiqtrA

• Read on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1119594884-shouto-todoroki-pro-hero-au-172732014-prom-night

Seasons come and go - summer to winter, hot to cold, and we all adapt to the smallest changes. We strip off when the heat gets unbearable, and rug up when the chill bores to the bones. But every small change can affect us - past pains and injuries being the most sensitive to these things, and between these extremes, the smallest change could be the greatest and most powerful experience that could change you.

It could even break you.

A yawn escaped your lips while you stretched your arms up above your head, pulling at every fiber across your shoulders and chest. The graduation ceremony was long and arduous, despite you sitting in a chair for hours. Well, at least three hours, but who was counting?

You glanced around Heights Alliance, watching students walk to and fro. The atmosphere was a reminder of the hardships and the hard work put into your studies on and off campus. You recalled the training sessions, the Joint Training Exercise, the constant rivalry between the classes, which made you chuckle a little at the thought. And then there were the harder times - the War being one of a few. One that you could not assist, could not dive into the front lines, and especially, if not importantly, one that you couldn’t be beside-

“Can you believe we graduated?” piped Awase with a grin plastered on his face.

You wondered how he was doing now; what he must be thinking; how his family was going. You smiled while recalling the times you rendezvoused between dormitories worrying over the smallest things, mostly over studies. And then you remembered the radio silence when the War happened, including the slow days reconnecting with him again afterwards. It was a tough road paved with difficulties, only compounded by the fact that you were in a different class from him, constantly worrying and checking your phone.

“Hey, you okay?” asked Awase, concerned.

“Yeah, of course,” you piped, snapping out of your reverie. “Just wondering how 3-A must be doing.”

“So much has happened to them, huh?”

Yes, so much has happened, and you have been confused over the years. But you couldn’t tell if it was his aloofness or his sudden shift in behavior since the War, having to deal with the aftermath. Ever since the commencement of your second year in UA there was this tension in your gut; a heavy solid feeling that grew with anxiety outside of the times you had spent with him. On top of this, days leading up to graduation felt odd and a little strained. You had noticed a flock of students following him around campus, most likely those keen on inviting him as their date to the prom the academy decided to plan to celebrate the graduating year. The amount of students who fluttered around him left you hollow, feeling hapless to the hope of being his for the night.

You hoped he would have-

“Excuse me, hi!” Called a voice from behind you and Awase, finding another student walking up to you with an awkward smile. “You don’t know me but I wanted to ask, if you weren’t too busy that I could, I mean, I would like to take you out tonight, to the prom tonight.”

You stared, shocked at the proposal from a random student out of the blue. He looked a little rough around the edges, but you didn’t recognize him until you spotted his shoulders, his blazer adorned with buttons akin to the Support classes.

“They’d love to,” answered Awase, bringing you back to speed.

“What?” you exclaimed.

“That’s great, thanks,” piped the student with a beaming smile. “I’ll pick you up at six?”

“Six is perfect,” continued Awase with a smile of his own. “We’ll make sure they’re ready.”

The student smiled wider, happy to hear the answer before he walked away, returning back to his band of friends in the distance. All you did was stare at them before turning your eye onto Awase, still with that smile on his face.

“You’re welcome,” he said before continuing on his walk through Heights Alliance.

“Why did you do that?” You questioned while catching up to him. “I could answer for myself.”

“You stood there like a deer in headlights, so I stepped in as your proxy.”

You deeply sighed before you shoved Awase playfully by the shoulder, silent with your smile but still with a heavy weight on your own.

“Hey, Monoma’s been teasing you lately about not having a date for tonight,” explained Awase. “I just helped you secure no more embarrassment.”

“I don’t even know the guy, and besides, it’s easy for Monoma to say those things,” you muttered with a sceptical brow. “He’s got that fanatic that trails behind. Where are they from? General Studies?”

“Hey come on, not his fault there’s someone out there who tolerates him, let alone idolizes him.”

You still stared ahead with a distant look in your eye, your mind elsewhere. You had hoped otherwise. You hoped you would have heard from him about this special day, but after these weeks leading up to graduation, you hadn’t heard a word. Perhaps he wasn’t ready, still dealing with the War and his family, and having to deal with school on top of that. Conversations with him outside of it all were far and few between. Perhaps he already had a date, seeing those that flocked to him wanting to garner attention or his affection for the prom. Perhaps Awase intervening with that proposal out of the blue was a good thing.

“Look, now you have a date to the prom tonight,” he continued. “So you can’t go back against your word.”

“It’s not my word. You agreed to it,” you reiterated. “Maybe you can take him out, seems like a fair trade.”

Awase laughed at your retort, only causing you to smile in return. The plan was that Class 3-B was going as a whole group to the prom, date or no date, thanks to Monoma. He was extremely teasing towards you, knowing of your connections with Class 3-A and ignoring any other follies, such as Tetsutetsu and his bromance with Kirishima, or even Awase and his growing attachment with Yaoyoruzu. But you had not heard a word, and now with a proposed date to this prom, it would be unkind to reject it now. You rolled your eyes at the thought, recalling Monoma’s haughty tone and his ever-present need to show up Class 3-A, even after all of these years.

DING

Still, plans were made to go off the rails.

“Have you heard from any agencies?” Asked Awase, curious while his eye was on you. “Any takers?”

“No,” you trailed while you looked at your phone screen, replying back. “Have you?”

“A couple, but it’s still up in the air. Heard Class 3-A already have their responses.”

No surprise there, you thought. They were the leading class of Heroes to turnover in Musatafu, and gaining a reply from any agency was becoming a pipe dream. Hearing Awase already receiving offers only made your stomach drop a little. You’ve heard nothing, wondering if your Quirk was looking more like a liability than anything else.

As if by instinct, you began parting ways from Awase, your feet taking you away from your dormitories and onto another path, leaving him behind.

“Where are you going?” He called out as you parted ways.

“Off to see a friend,” you chirped while you pocketed your phone.

You ignored Awase’s few words behind you, something akin to Monoma’s plan for the prom before jogging across Heights Alliance towards Class 3-A’s dorms, now filled with its graduating class. Years of hopping between dorms had given you a reputation amongst your class, especially Monoma of all people. But the text message was undeniably from the one person you hoped to hear from:

Would you like to come over?

Graduation was officially over, at least the formalities, but hearing from Shouto Todoroki was a blessing in disguise. After all, you both agreed to see each other before the presumptuous prom of the night.

I’ll be there in a few minutes.

----

Reaching the large doors, you cautiously walked through to find a few of the students already relaxing in the lounge and foyer. A few were in mid-conversation, while others held up their phones in cheer. Awase was right to believe that the students of Class 3-A had already received offers to agencies once they stepped out into the world. You wouldn’t think anything less, seeing their smiles beam with joy, but your eyes glanced around with no luck locating Todoroki, until you spotted a certain brunette chiding away with friends in the foyer.

“Graduated at last, congratulations,” you chirped cheerfully while you walked your way towards Uraraka.

“You too,” she piped with a smile, turning to you. “Have you figured out what agency you’ll be placed in?”

“Not a word actually. I’m sure I’ll hear something.”

“Where have you applied?”

“Genius Office, Fat Gum, Fourth Kind, Oki Mariner…”

“Oh, that’s a good one! They could be taking their time. I only heard from a few five minutes ago.”

Well, there was hope yet if students were only receiving news just now, especially those from Class 3-A. A wash of relief swept through you, knowing that there was still time to hear any news of your residencies in Musatafu before you returned back to the task at hand.

“Have you seen Todoroki?” You asked, still looking around the foyer.

“I think he’s been cooped up in his dorm ever since we got back from Gym Gamma,” informed Uraraka thoughtfully. “He’s been awfully quiet. More than usual.”

Odd. For all you knew, Todoroki was becoming despondent over graduation, wondering if the event made him so. It was a big deal for everybody in UA, now stepping forward into another world, one that had transformed in and out of the school’s grounds.

“Thanks!” You quickly piped while you made your way towards the elevators. “See you tonight?”

Uraraka only smiled and waved, seeing you off before you entered the elevators. It was like every other day when you visited his dormitory. You recalled the floor and his door, even cringing at the thought when you arrived one too many times in the middle of the night, fretting over studies and non-existent practical exams. In fact, it was the only way to speak to him after all that he had been put through. And Todoroki had been nothing but supportive and attentive to your own worries.

A light tap on his door left you standing there by the hallways again, wondering what your response would be. It’s been a while since you actually talked with him, let alone heard any invitation to visit. You assumed the graduation was a big event for his family, always referring back to the War in your mind. Was it a good idea to visit him now that the official graduation ceremony was over? You hovered your hand above the door, wanting to knock again in case he missed the first time, but you began to wonder how he must be feeling. Already with a career in Hero Society paved for him, under his father’s name, in an established agency which by all accounts would be under question because of the family drama and his-

“This is stupid,” you mumbled, turning heel to leave before the click of his door caught your ear. You spotted him by the door, dressed casually and out of uniform, but not yet dressed for the night.

Of course, this prom was hours away.

“Oh, you made it,” he remarked, his aloof eyes staring at your almost-departed form.

“Of course, is everything okay?” You asked, returning back to his dorm door.

“I just wanted to say congratulations.”

“Oh no, all the congratulations goes to you, really.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.”

You smirked at him, a little embarrassed and a little nervous at his almost compliments, until you lightly punched him in the arm. “You asked me here to congratulate me?”

“I would be happy to meet you at your dorm if you wanted,” replied Todoroki before he stepped out from his door, shutting it behind him.

“Oh no, I would not hear the end of it from Monoma if you did.”

Todoroki chuckled while you spotted a sneaky smile from him. It was a pleasure to see him smile, even if it was brief. They were always hard to come by, and for a moment, you felt that only you could see them outside of everybody else. It made them special.

“So, have you heard from agencies?” You asked, catching Todoroki off guard. “I mean, it seems like everybody else has, and I was just curious.”

“I’m off to my father’s when I leave UA,” he replied bluntly.

“… oh.”

“And you?”

You gulped, a little paralyzed after realizing after the fact that he would ask the same question himself. “I’m… still waiting to hear back. I mean, everyone seemed to have received news not too long ago, so it shouldn’t be long now.”

“I hope so,” he replied with a smile. “You’ll do good out there.”

“You think so?”

All you saw was that smile, a larger one than the last unhidden from the world. It only made you feel warm inside, to know that he was in your corner, and open to express himself. It had been a long journey while he worked out what to do with his family and his future, tormented by the fact that-

“I asked you here because I wanted to ask you something,” he announced, catching your smiling eyes staring at him. “I know I’ve been quiet over the past few weeks. I needed to work some things out.”

“Oh, of course,” you replied. “Graduation is pretty big.”

“Yes, I needed to work out what I wanted to do and what my path was going to be once we all left here.”

He trailed a little, silent while he tried to put together the words he wanted to say. You saw it in his eyes, calculating what to do, as if he were training with you. Ever since being put together by your own choices to train one another, you had come to notice his little quirks, no pun intended. How he processed the situation, how he reacted, how he would assess his next move. It felt like that now, watching his eyes dart in thought, wondering what to say.

With all that was said, you wondered if he was trying to say farewell, even though the both of you would most likely see each other at this prom night for the graduating year. Yet he had clearly stated he wanted to ask you something on such a big occasion. And then it hit you, wondering if he was going to ask about the prom tonight. Just as he was deducing his next words, you tried to guess what they were.

Was he going to ask you-

“Would you like me to put in a word for you at my father’s agency?” He asked calmly.

“… what?”

“If you haven’t heard from any agencies by now, maybe you might not.”

That stung. You swallowed and processed his words, a little offended, but a little perplexed over the situation. Did he ask you to visit him so that he could-

“Are you offering me a place?” You asked back.

“Yes.”

“Out of pity?”

“No, I’m saying that I can get you a residency if other places don’t work out.”

“So I’ll do good but no other place would have me,” you stated, hurt.

“That’s not what I said.”

“It sounded like it.”

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“Yes, if I got in on my own merit, not because you’re able to pull some strings.”

It felt like there was a fire in your gut, the worst kind that seared so severely you felt nauseous with anger. You wanted nothing more than to leave, but something kept you here, still standing before Todoroki despite what he had called you over for. Did he truly believe that you weren’t ready or capable? Did those late study nights not prove how hard you wanted to put in the work? Or did he only see you for your faults all this time?

It was unfathomable.

“Todoroki, I appreciate your offer, I do, but you’re giving me something that I didn’t work for,” you explained, keeping calm and keeping your anger at bay.

“I wanted to say thank you for being there for me,” explained Todoroki, his eyes searching in yours. “You still reached out to me after everything that has happened, and I wanted to return the favor in any way I can. Please understand.”

Your mind trailed away for a moment, seeing the genuine look in Todoroki’s eyes. Despite his aloofness, you could see how much he saw in you, but the way he said it was-

“I can’t accept that,” you answered, looking into Todoroki’s eyes with sadness. “I can’t accept your offer. I'm sorry Todoroki.” You turned towards the elevator, leaving Todoroki behind before you realized the floor numbers were counting downwards.

“Where are you going?” Asked Todoroki, following after you.

“Back to my dorm to get ready for my date,” you informed him while you decided to head down the flight of stairs, despite being on the top floor of the dormitory. Todoroki stopped for a moment, ingesting your words in his head before he trailed after you, hopping down the stairs while he continued to question.

“You have a date?” he asked aloud.

“Yes, yes I do,” you immediately replied.

“Who are they?”

“He... is from Support.”

“What’s he like?”

“Nice guy? A little awkward.”

“So you don’t know him?”

You had only reached the fourth floor before turning to find Todoroki on your trail, his feet still on the stairs while he eyed you for an answer. You saw them searching, waiting for your breath, for you to speak.

“Why do you want to know?” You asked, part curious, part annoyed by his questioning.

The bell of the elevator took both of you out from the tension that grew in-between, finding Bakugou exiting the doors with a friend trailing behind him. It was a well-timed interruption, turning back onto Todoroki now calmer than he was moments ago.

“Nothing,” he answered in a low whisper.

“I’ll see you later,” you whispered to yourself, feeling eyes on you from the stairs other than his. All you were met with was a nod from Todoroki before you left him by the stairs, leaving with a bitter taste in your mouth.

Todoroki only stood by the stair railings, confused by your reaction, but more so his insistence. It was like a bout of energy surged through him all at once. Where did all of that come from? All of those questions interrogating you about a guy who asked you out as his date. It confounded him further about what he felt about you with somebody else. You were a friend, finding an affinity with each other despite you being in the other Hero class. But those nights studying and those days training were the closest he had ever grown to work with someone outside of his class. He even recalled how elated he felt when the classes could mix to find compatibility working together, having ever since worked alongside you.

Todoroki shook his head, wondering what this feeling was that was mixed in with his confusion until the sight of a familiar well-dressed student made their way to the elevators, immediately being able to board before they waved quickly towards him.

“See you tonight Todoroki,” they exclaimed before disappearing into the box.

He waved back, being met by a smile by the student and soon spotting Bakugou’s door still ajar to see how he was doing. A few words were exchanged between himself and the irate blond, noticing the frustrated look on his scowl, most likely from the student who had just left from his dorm. Todoroki knew too well of Bakugou’s dilemma for the past couple of years, only ever chatting in passing about the situation and also advising him.

“We all know he’s bad news. Nepotism at its best,” informed Todoroki.

“Look who’s talking Half-and-Half, son of the Number One,” spat Bakugou with disdain.

Todoroki felt the sting from his words, realizing his folly earlier. He should have realized how much of a hard-working person you were. It showed in your studies and your training, always pushing yourself to the best of your abilities despite the drawbacks, the flaws, and your failures. He loved that part of you. It left him perplexed after speaking with Bakugou, while he decided to make his way downstairs to where most of the class still spent their day.

Did he truly say something wrong? All he ever wanted was to help you in any way he could. And perhaps, after much reflection on the fact, he had only insulted you on an important day. Yet he thought he was giving you something you would have wanted. Or, was he wanting you instead?

——

Todoroki went about his day speaking to his classmates and hearing some good news between them all. Many of them were offered a residency into some fairly well-known agencies, either one or a few or a handful. And though they were primarily from their work studies, it was the best fit for many of them. Todoroki ignored some of the more exasperatedly whinier comments about his placement, but it was a given despite his own feelings about the situation. Soon, the entire class readied themselves for the night, including Todoroki who was interrogated a few times about being date-less for the prom. A simple shrug was all they received, explaining that he had declined all invitations, which almost broke Kaminari’s heart hearing that. Still, with the night early to begin the celebrations, Todoroki joined in with his classmates and friends alike, making their way to Gym Gamma.

He wondered about your date, this mysterious man who asked you out so suddenly. You had never been a liar, or at least you were a bad one for him to know. He deduced it must’ve been recent, no earlier than yesterday at least when you were asked. It still made him wonder why he chose you. Has he always admired you? Were you friends? Did you know more than you were letting him on? At the end, Todoroki began to wonder how different this man was to him.

Gym Gamma was in sight while all of his classmates made their way inside. Todoroki trailed behind until something caught his ear a distance away, drowned by the music that thumped against the walls of the auditorium. He strayed from the pack of students, walking along the side to find you with your wrist held tightly by a very inebriated man before the both of you disappeared around the auditorium. His feet suddenly flew, chasing after the both of you after spotting the concerned look on your face, even briefly around the corner. Todoroki soon laid eyes on your date, gripping your wrist with a wide grin on his face, drunkenly swaying with you and handling you carelessly while you tried to pull away.

“You’re my date, so let me be your date,” he cooed slovenly, his grip tightening on your wrist.

“Stop it, you’re drunk,” you yelled, pulling away from him, tugging at your wrist to no avail.

“I’m having fun,” he retorted, his grin wide and his breath lingering over your skin. “Don’t you want to have fun with me?”

“I’m not some toy, or some prize to show off to your friends, whoever they are!”

“They’re just teasing, come on.”

He pulled you in, closing the gap between the both of you before his breath washed onto your face, smelling the bitter and rancid smell of alcohol. You pushed against his chest, pulling your face away from his, his strength overwhelming until-

“No, let go of me!” you cried before you pulled back your hand, slapping his face hard. The slap pulled him out of his drunken reverie, but not without releasing you from his grip, finding a disdained look on his face, chuckling to himself from the assault before being refueled by rage.

“Who wants you anyway?!” he yelled back, pulling his own hand to return the favour.

Suddenly, his own wrist was gripped by another’s, pushing against a strength that overpowered his own. Todoroki stood beside you, his fingers gripping onto your date while he stared into his eyes, disapproving and venomous.

“I suggest you walk away,” he warned, watching your date flinch from the fractals of ice that began to frost across his skin and sleeve, prickling like needles. He pulled away violently, releasing his grip on you as well, walking away with a contempt scoff and affixing his attire before he stomped towards the auditorium. Todoroki kept an eye on him until he disappeared around the corner, most likely returning to the prom before he turned to you, standing there, ashamed and hurt.

The smell of alcohol still lingered, but now it no longer pervaded your senses while you fixed your own formal wear and hopped towards the wall of the auditorium outside, leaning against it, your eyes drawn towards the pavement. Throughout the mess of it all, you realised one of your shoes had fallen off, now missing part of the pair a short distance away. You felt Todoroki’s presence next to you, following after and standing by your side, leaning against the wall as well in an uncomfortable silence.

“Nice guy,” he commented.

“Shut up,” you retorted weakly, refusing to look him in the eye.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No.”

“Are you okay?”

A moment passed when it all fell silent, at least to you, still listening and feeling the vibrations of the music that echoed and reverberated through the walls. You felt like you drowned in it, washed in the overwhelming feeling of sadness that you couldn’t hold in. You breathed deeply, hoping that could staive the storm, but your tears burst from your eyes out of your volition.

“No, no I’m not,” you finally answered. “He’s right. No one wants me.”

Todoroki turned to you, watching your tears fall and holding in the hiccups that escaped your throat once or twice. He couldn’t explain it, but he hated that look on you.

“I’ve not heard back from anyone at all today. I don’t know why,” you continued, your mind elsewhere. “And, he only invited me to impress his friends, and we met up when he’s really drunk and, well, you saw what happened.”

With all that was going on for graduation, Todoroki watched and listened to your words, realising and processing his feelings over the matter. It wasn’t true. He wanted you, more than anything, comprehending his feelings and how he interpreted them all the same. Graduation was weighing on his mind just as much as any other student had all day, yet he realised now, in this moment despite what his future may hold, that this moment mattered. He eyed your shoe from afar, walking towards it to collect it from the ground until he stood before you, his eyes waiting for you to meet his.

“No, I don’t want to go inside. Not yet anyway,” you reasoned while you tried to wipe away the tears from your face, spotting the shoe in his hand.

“May I?” asked Todoroki as if he had ignored your request.

You turned to him with tear-stained eyes, only seeing him hold your shoe. It dawned on you that it was only the both of you outside the auditorium with no one else around.

“What about your date?” you asked, confused.

“They’re right here in front of me,” he stated calmly, straight-forward without flinching. “Please.”

He lifted your shoe once more, warranting a nod from you, permitting him to kneel and slip the shoe back onto your feet. He was gentle while he maneuvered it with ease, lifting himself close to you before he opened his hand, gesturing to take yours. With a calm breath, you accepted his hand before he led you into his arms, swaying to and fro despite the music that played inside Gym Gamma beside you. Underneath the stars, you began to waltz, glancing up into Todoroki’s eyes that only smiled down at you, that same smile that he expressed while you were with him.

“Thank you Todoroki,” you whispered. “I’m sorry-“

“No, I’m sorry,” he interrupted, still keeping to the rhythm of his feet. “I didn’t think about how strongly you felt about the career and the life you wanted. I was selfish.”

“You can be selfish. You’d be doing yourself a disservice if you weren’t. Now I feel like an idiot.”

The thought of your former date moments ago sprung in your mind, despite it being a last ditch effort by a classmate, even if it was innocent at first. However, you felt Todoroki clutch onto your waist tighter, hugging you into his chest while his fingers intertwined with yours.

“This is where you should be,” he motioned, his head laying on yours. “You deserve a good night.”

For the first time since arriving at this prom, you smiled, nestling into his chest and hearing the calm heartbeat that thrummed in your ear. His warmth, that familiar heat you had come to love, pervaded on your skin and kept you safe, here in his arms.

The sound of your phone broke you out from the moment, catching both Todoroki and yourself a little unguarded before you broke away a little to check it immediately. Todoroki still held you, not wanting to release you from his grip before he watched your eyes scan the screen, soon lighting up with excitement.

“Oh my god!” you exclaimed. “I got in, I got in!” You hopped on the spot, still in his arms, bubbled with elation.

“Where?” he asked immediately, only to be met by a moment of spontaneity. A sudden kiss on his lips, pulled in by your hands while you deeply pressed onto him. The moment broke as you pulled away, realising what you had done within the moment and met by Todoroki’s perplexed stare.

“Oh god, I’m sorry-“

Your words were choked by Todoroki returning the favour, pulling you into him and kissing you instead. His arms held you close to him, feeling the waves of heat from his body and his kiss alone. A fire unlike any other filled you inside, not searing through with anger, but fueled by passion which was Todoroki. As he pulled away, you stared into his eyes, pools of silver and blue while you watched him smile, caressing your cheek tenderly. You smiled back warmly with words unspoken.

“I love every part of you, my Love,” he whispered close to your ear.

“I… I love you more,” you whispered back, growing more sure with your words.

“Exactly where did you get accepted?”

“Your father’s agency,” you quipped, suddenly taking him back by surprise. “What? You thought I never considered it a top priority?”

“Why didn’t you say that earlier?”

“Because I hadn’t heard anything,” you reasoned while you fixed his suit. “It made me wonder how many applications your father’s manager had to go through today.”

A small chuckle escaped from Todoroki, soon turning into laughter along with you while he held you in his arms under the night sky. He felt like twirling you in the air, feeling you next to him and knowing you were beside him. With the prom already under way, he offered his arm with that ever-present smile, warm and inviting.

Seasons come and go - summer and winter, hot to cold. But despite the change in weather, you’ve learnt to adapt slowly over time and nurture something new through the faults. It only continues to grow from here, stronger than before.

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

[dirty-holy-things]

Christmas Tree Farm

Part III of the Invisible String Series

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV Read on Ao3.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x AFAB Reader

Rating: Mature, for slight references to sex and swearing.

Words: 6.6k update

Chapters: 4 / ?

Warnings: Very few. Swearing, subtle references to sex.

Author's Notes: This story is broken into two segments, with the first half being Reader and Bucky's first Christmas together, and the second half being Reader and Bucky's first Christmas spent with the Wilson's, their found family.

Summary: The winter holidays can be a challenging time for many, and you and Bucky were no stranger to lonely Christmases. But love has a curious, insistent way of melting away the ice that locks away and protects our hearts; and as time passes, both you and Bucky finally allow yourselves a little bit of that holiday cheer.

If you’d like to be included in any updates, please fill out my taglist form!

The city lights somehow shone even brighter, thanks to the addition of copious (or one could say, excessive) amounts of Christmas lights that likely threatened to upend the entire city’s power grid. Every storefront was decked out with tinsel and trees, each mannequin was dressed in their holiday best, and you couldn’t take two steps without being greeted by a vibrant advertisement for “This season’s must-buy holiday gifts!” While you certainly weren’t a Grinch by any means, you also hadn’t had much of a reason to celebrate the holiday through the past few years; that was, until you found yourself a 106 year old, semi-stable boyfriend with a secret love for Christmas that was comparable to that of an eight year old on a sugar high.

The city lights somehow shone even brighter, thanks to the addition of copious (or one could say, excessive) amounts of Christmas lights that likely threatened to upend the entire city’s power grid. Every storefront was decked out with tinsel and trees, each mannequin was dressed in their holiday best, and you couldn’t take two steps without being greeted by a vibrant advertisement for “This season’s must-buy holiday gifts!” While you certainly weren’t a Grinch by any means, you also hadn’t had much of a reason to celebrate the holiday through the past few years; that was, until you found yourself a 106 year old, semi-stable boyfriend with a secret love for Christmas that was comparable to that of an eight year old on a sugar high.

Bucky Barnes was an intimidating figure to those who saw him in the streets, but after nearly a year of dating, you had thoroughly cracked that hard exterior to see the gentle and romantic man who had been locked away and frozen for so long. People on the streets saw a powerful man with a gleaming metal arm; you saw a man who could pick you up with ease, throwing you over his shoulder before pinning you down and tickling you. Shoppers in the grocery store saw a brooding and intimidating figure; you saw him fall asleep on the couch, his frame protectively curled around his cat Alpine. You had once been like all those strangers, only seeing that which was on the surface, but you had come to know and love him as a whole person.

And as such, it did not come as that much of a shock when, shortly after Thanksgiving dinner, Bucky’s requited love for Christmas broke through for the first time. “Hey, doll,” he started, an inquisitive tone in his voice. “Where’s your Christmas music? Been goin’ through your records but I can’t seem’ta find any.”

“Don’t have any,” you called out from the bedroom, folding the last of his laundry that had taken up permanent residence in your top right dresser drawer. You strolled into the living room to see him still flicking determinedly through your collection, hoping against hope to find something that would put the apartment into the holiday spirit. “Buck, I’m pretty sure I don’t have any Christmas records — but I can play some music from my phone, if you want me to.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweets.”

He sank into the plush fabric of your sofa, sighing defeatedly. You laughed at his exaggerated response, before moving to sit next to him, draping your legs across his and nestling into his arms. You pulled your phone out of the pocket of your leggings, searching for a Christmas playlist, before you were distracted by Bucky’s lingering, pensive look. “What’s on your mind, Bucky?”

He sighed, metal hand tracing cool circles into your exposed skin. “It’s nothing, it’s silly.”

You frowned, not thrilled with his sudden withdrawal. “Clearly it’s not nothing. C’mon, Buck, you can talk to me.”

“I haven’t had a real Christmas since 1943,” he said slowly. “Hydra certainly didn’t celebrate, and after I came back from the Blip, I didn’t have anyone to share one with. I thought — I had thought, maybe, since I have you, we could do something for Christmas together. But, if you’re not really in’ta Christmas, that’s okay.”

You could tell that his casual tone was forced, you could pick up the subtle changes in volume and pitch. Your heart ached for him, as you thought about the loneliness that he had endured for decades, all of the holidays and joy and traditions and memories that he had missed out on; and while you weren’t a Christmas person by nature, by god, you were going to be one for Bucky Barnes.

***

You fully assimilated into the Christmas spirit and enthusiasm, trying to provide Bucky with every sweet, cheesy, moment of joy that he had been denied for so long. The weeks leading up to Christmas were positively filled to the brim, near-bursting, with holiday spirit and theme-appropriate music, the lyrics echoing throughout your apartment to the extent that you wondered if future tenants may one day hear ghosts of Christmas past — also known as the ghost of Bucky Past, as he sang along to every tune that crooned its way through the small, shared space. You had never seen him so indulgently and freely happy before, so you didn’t begrudge the fourth or fifth playing of the Holiday Hits records, or his subtly-insistent urging for a real Christmas tree.

It was the second week of December when you executed your ‘master plan.’

Manhattan wasn’t exactly known for its Christmas tree farms, so you had planned on making the long and laborious trek out of the city to fetch your own real tree. Bucky was more than happy to oblige, with the promise that he could fell his own Christmas tree; you had no doubt that your sweet, sensitive, and powerful super-soldier could fell whatever tree stood before him. But aside from your confidence in his physical abilities, you wanted to give him this Christmas moment, this Christmas memory — you wanted to give him the opportunity to bring his tree back to your shared space, and to create these Christmas memories with him. You wanted to break his pattern of ignored or heartbroken Christmases, and after he had confessed his love for the holiday that Thanksgiving night, you had been thinking about all of the ways you could make this year special for him.

Bucky had been more than thrilled by your suggestion to drive out of the city for an evening, particularly for a Christmas tree, and the two of you sank into the slow, gentle peace that steadily grew as the car carried you further and further away from the bustling city. You had picked a destination that was quite far from the city center, having seen the positive reviews online and the promise of free hot chocolate; and to be honest, you thought that the brief break from city life could do the two of you some good.

He had picked you up from your apartment, after acquiring this evening’s rental car; and his time spent battling lazy rental car representatives and New York traffic had given you the perfect amount of time to enact your vision for the apartment before his call rang through, informing you that he was here and waiting by the front door. Your drive out of the city had been filled with more and more Christmas music, cups of coffee, and a stash of chocolate chip cookies that you had decided would be appropriate fuel for the evening ahead. Bucky had eaten ten out of the twelve you brought.

The Christmas tree farm was illuminated with countless twinkling globe lights, a soft golden glow radiating around you and bouncing off of the freshly-fallen snow that crunched underneath your boots. Bucky grinned from ear to ear, in an easy way that you had never seen before, and you felt a rush of confidence and surety about your somewhat-secret plan.

Upon your arrival at the Christmas tree farm, Bucky had quickly picked out the prettiest tree in the entire lot; the branches were tightly packed and well-filled with needles that smelled of pine and childhood memories. The attendant who had handed him the axe to fell the tree watched in shock and awe as Bucky cleaved through the tree trunk with two strong strokes; you laughed quietly into your hot chocolate, bemused by your boyfriend’s blatant display of strength. Bucky strapped the tree to the top of the rental car with impressive speed, and it was not long afterwords that you were hurtling back into the city, towards the apartment that the two of you now called home.

Forcing the tall tree into the slim elevator was a challenge, one that Bucky took in stride; and after multiple curse words and sweaty exclamations of frustration, it finally fit to the point in which Bucky could abandon the advanced geometry he had been working at. The ride upwards was humorously tense, as Bucky observed you being pinned in by the tree, and you nervously awaited the arrival that you had planned for your sweet super-soldier.

Your front door now held a large wreath, bedecked with poinsettias and glimmering gold tinsel; the sight caught Bucky off-guard, as he recognized that this was a new addition. “I like the wreath, sweets,” he grinned, moving to shift the tree out of the cramped elevator and free you from its heavy, pine-scented branches.

“Thought some Christmas decorations were in order,” you laughed lightly, finally freed from the cramped elevator; and you briefly wondered how long that fresh pine scent might linger within the small space. Bucky kept the tree upright while you nervously opened the door, suddenly anxious that maybe you had taken the Christmas enthusiasm too far.

Bucky was a man on a mission, as he determinedly hauled the tree through the hallway and into the living room; you had previously cleared a corner for the tree, right next to your patio door, hoping that the ambient light from the city would help to illuminate the tree that would now fill the recently-vacated space. You watched him corner the tree into the wall, ensuring it was supported appropriately, before he turned to survey the apartment that was surrounding him.

You might’ve gone a bit overboard with the Christmas decorations, but you would’ve thrown yourself overboard ten times more to see that smile spreading across Bucky’s face.

The entrance to the apartment now displayed a vibrant poinsettia wreath, and a welcome mat that said ‘happy holidays,’ a sentiment ensconced by the image of ivy and red berries. The tea towels in the kitchen were red and green, boasting cheeky jokes about holiday cheer, and the glassware had been replaced with wine glasses and rocks glasses of emerald green crystal. The kitchen table was fully dressed for Christmas, with gold and green accents at every turn, highlighted with poinsettia blossoms. Your plush ivory couch was now draped with multiple blankets: one chunky knit, one soft and fuzzy, and a wool blanket with a plaid blend of emerald green, dark navy, blood-red, and gold. All of the picture frames and artwork on the wall had been wrapped over to look like Christmas presents, the fireplace was bedecked with mistletoe and holly, and even the bathroom hand soaps had been swapped out for holiday scents.

“Sweets — what’s, what’s all this?” Bucky asked breathlessly, surveying the unexpected sight before him.

“It’s our first Christmas,” you responded, your voice barely above a whisper as you moved to wrap your arms around his waist, savoring the combined scent of pine and that which was distinctly Bucky. “I love you, James Buchanan Barnes — and I want to make every kind of Christmas memory with you. I want us to decorate our tree together, I want us to sneakily wrap up presents for each other, I want us to wear silly matching pajamas, I want us to leave the decorations up for way too long just because they bring us back to this perfect moment.”

Bucky’s strong and irresistible hands guided your body towards the couch, your bodies collapsing softly into the cushions as his plush and chapped lips pressed into the soft skin of your neck, biting gently at your racing pulse. You could feel the excitement and joy radiating from Bucky, comparable to the blazing heat of the sun, or a fire, or any other brightly-burning thing, and you knew that your decision to go all-in for Christmas had been the right one. Grinning to yourself, you thought about the extensive, and… myriad applicability of mistletoe you had acquired, and how you might work this into a Christmas miracle of your own.

“I love you, doll,” Bucky exhaled against your flushed skin. “I’ve never felt so fuck’n lucky, to have someone like you lovin’ me.”

You allowed yourself a moment to sink into the weight of his words, allowed yourself to feel appreciated, valued, desired, wanted. “Loving you is the easiest thing in the world,” you whispered, your hands tracing gently across the sharp and chiseled planes of his face. “Loving you is as easy as breathing… even when you steal all of the covers, or insist on rewatching Lord of the Rings for the fortieth time.”

Bucky laughed, a deep chuckle echoing from his chest as he pulled you closer against his thickly-muscled body. “Looks like quite a lot of mistletoe here, doll,” he grinned, pressing a casual kiss against your forehead as he surveyed the state of the apartment.

“Oh, yeah, that was intentional,” you quipped, giggling as you leaned in for a kiss; only to have Bucky pull away, a devilish and almost dark grin on his face.

“Y’sure you’re ready for that?” He asked, his voice holding a shred of a threat and the weight of a promise.

“Bring it on, Barnes.”

*********************************************************

Christmas had grown to become a full-fledged, extravagant, blowout event with each year that passed. The holiday season started earlier and earlier, as you both plotted and planned for how to one-up the other with some sort of holiday surprise or thoughtful gift; and you eventually grew to ignore the odd looks of your neighbors as the poinsettia wreath was now regularly hung before Thanksgiving dinner was done cooking.

This year, however, was going to be different. After a handful of long-weekend trips down to Louisiana to visit Sam, Sarah, and their family, you and Bucky had decided to take an extended vacation - two weeks, to be exact. The two of you would be sharing both Christmas and New Years with the Wilson family, and you couldn’t possibly be more thrilled — or anxious.

Over the past few years, Bucky and Sam had settled into a brotherly sort of friendship, full of barbed comments, silent hugs, and quiet words of encouragement and advice; and after you met Sarah on your first Memorial Day trip to the small town, the two of you had taken to one another like lifelong best friends, sharing a love for merlot and a sense of worry for the two men who were dead-set on saving the world.

So it came as little surprise when the Wilsons invited the two of you for an extended stay; and you had eagerly agreed to the idea of both a vacation, and a holiday spent with your found family. Bucky had pretended to be resistant for a moment, mumbling something about ‘not wanting to share his time with you,’ but had caved easily when you pressed on the matter. He was likely just as eager to have a family Christmas as you were — but Sam certainly couldn’t know that.

You had spent nearly two months leading up to your trip relentlessly questioning Sarah and Sam about gift ideas, feeling an immense pressure to get things right. You struggled to keep up with the ever-evolving interests of AJ and Cass, and you felt the need to find something perfectly sweet and thoughtful for Sam and Sarah, as they had been so kind as to invite you and Bucky into their home for the holiday season. Bucky was able to sense your nervousness about finding the perfect gifts, and was able to remain fairly level-headed and reasonable as you perused countless stores. However, as empathetic and kind as your super-soldier may be, he was still prone to bouts of boredom or hunger.

“Look, sweets, we could get the kids gift cards and I’m sure they’d be more than happy —“ Bucky started, before you cut him off with an icy glare. You were in the fifth store of the day, and while Bucky’s patience with you had extended far past a reasonable amount, he was admittedly wearing thin.

“No gift cards,” you bit, cutting him off harshly, before rubbing your hand across his forearm gently in apology. “I know Sarah said they didn’t really need any more gaming stuff, but they’ve got a pretty good deal for the new Xbox here…”

Bucky chuckled lightly, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you in for a kiss on the temple, forgiving your earlier tension. “With the way you’re try’na spoil them, you’d think they were our own kids.”

You blushed, knowing he was likely right. You were prone to gift-giving and over-indulging the wants and whims of those you loved; Bucky knew that firsthand, and was fair in assuming this would extend to all you loved — whether they were currently in existence or not. “Just imagine if we ever do have kids, Barnes,” you said lightly, hoping the barely-concealed eagerness in your voice didn’t betray you. “Honestly, you’ll be even more of a sucker than me.”

“Me? No, not at all,” he huffed, arms crossing over his broad chest.

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from within, unable to picture a situation in which Bucky would be anything other than a marshmallow around children, particularly his own. “Between the two of us, you’re the one who will be a softie. Mark my words, Barnes, you’re gonna be wrapped around a tiny little finger one of these days.”

He chuckled softly, eyes flitting lightly across your body. “Y’call me Barnes an awful lot, sweets.”

You nodded, shoulders raising as if to say, so what?

“Makes me think you might like the name — y’maybe might even want it for yourself,” Bucky grinned, a simultaneously mischievous but sincere glint in his eye.

You rolled your eyes playfully, nudging your shoulder into his chest. You returned your focus to the sale tags in the store, trying desperately — and futilely — to quell the reflexive, undeniable excitement that came with the idea of a life with Bucky.

Marriage, a home, babies, the whole nine yards — but you were in Target, you were getting way too ahead of yourself. That was a thought for another day, another time.

***

Your arrival at Sam and Sarah’s home had been just as warm and welcoming as you expected, with Sarah ushering you and Bucky upstairs to the spare bedroom that had basically become yours after the extensive number of vacations and visits. You and Bucky both slept well that night, as the long drive had worn you down, and for the first time in several months — if not over a year — you were up the next morning before Bucky Barnes.

It was Christmas Eve, and the excitement of this day was not lost on you; rolling away from Bucky’s solid grasp was a challenge, but you managed to do so without disturbing the sleeping brunette who had been wrapped around you like a weighted blanket. You laughed quietly to yourself as he sleepily grabbed for your pillow, pulling it inwards to cradle it between his arms.

You stealthily snuck out of the room, wanting Bucky to get whatever measure of rest possible, and made yourself decent before heading downstairs to find Sarah in the kitchen. She was dressed and ready for the day, and you slumped into a kitchen chair with a yawn.

“Coffee’s ready, I’d suggest y’get it before Sam and Buck are up.” Sarah joked with a sleepy smile. So far, only the two of you were up, and you gratefully accepted her recommendation for a cup of coffee, appreciating the warmth and rush of caffeine that it offered.

“Is there anything I can help with?” You asked, as the two of you sat down at the kitchen table together.

Sarah smiled into her cup of coffee, taking a long sip before responding. “I’ll probably have’ya give me a hand with the pancakes, you’re a good judge for when to flip them,” she commented, eyes wandering to the bay window that offered an exceptional view of the sunrise. “You can also help me by giving me a heads up about the boys’ Christmas presents.”

You instinctively felt the need to say no, to preserve the integrity of the surprise and excitement of Christmas morning, but you realized that telling Sarah wouldn’t spoil the surprise for the boys. You excitedly discussed the details of the gifts, both for the kids, and for Sam and Bucky, and despite the clock indicating an obscenely early time of 7:48AM, you still felt the Christmas spirit radiating in the cozy kitchen space.

You and Sarah worked together to prepare a full breakfast, consuming cup after cup of coffee until you heard the unmistakable sound of Bucky stepping heavily down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Stepping away from the pancakes for a moment, you quickly started to brew another pot of coffee; and as you returned to your station by the stovetop, you giggled as you felt Bucky’s arms wrap securely around your midsection.

“Well this is a Christmas miracle,” Bucky whispered into the soft skin of your neck. “You’re up and outta bed before me.”

You laughed, turning to faced him as he continued to hold your body against his. “We’re not even to Christmas yet, Barnes — who know what kinda surprises might be in store for you.”

Bucky hummed suggestively, his teeth barely grazing your skin as you shivered against him. Your body instinctively molded to his, and you were in the process of turning around for a kiss when you heard, “Ah, ah, ah!”

You pulled away from Bucky with a laugh, seeing Sarah standing by the sink, hands planted firmly on her waist as she stared the two of you down with the kind of glare that only mothers could possess. “Not in my kitchen! Save that shit for Brooklyn.”

There was an undeniable heat in your cheeks, and you could see the pink tinge that Bucky’s face took on as Sarah called the two of you out. He still kept his hands on you, but with less suggestive placement. “M’sorry, Sarah, I just couldn’t help myself.”

She rolled her eyes before tossing him the coffee mug she had just finished drying; Bucky, of course, caught it despite the lack of warning. “Well, help yourself to some coffee and breakfast - I suggest you get started before the boys are up, it’ll be a frenzy before too long.”

Bucky laughed and grabbed your mostly-empty coffee mug as he strode across the kitchen; he was filling the second cup as a thunderous sound echoed through the house, as Cass, AJ, and Sam quickly filled the remaining space in the kitchen. The boys were startlingly hyper despite having just woken up - you couldn’t remember the last time you woke up that exuberantly - and Sam yawned while making a beeline for the coffee pot that Bucky held in his metal grasp. The two men exchanged the coffee pot silently, but peacefully; and you and Sarah stepped back from the kitchen to rest on the couch, to enjoy the remainder of the morning and watch the feeding frenzy that was comparable to piranhas descending on the sun-streaked Louisiana kitchen.

***

The remainder of Christmas Eve had gone smoothly and happily; AJ and Cass fell asleep close to 11PM, about halfway through The Grinch, and Bucky and Sam had carried them to bed despite weak protestations that they wanted to stay up to catch Santa. As soon as Sam and Bucky returned to give the all-clear, indicating the boys were soundly asleep, you and Sarah set to work on bringing out all of the gifts that had been carefully concealed.

You were stacking presents meticulously when you saw Bucky taking a handful of the Christmas cookies that had been left out for Santa; Sam had noticed as well, and he frowned. “Hey, man, I don’t see you in a red suit with a white beard,” Sam whispered loudly.

“Don’t see you in one either,” Bucky responded around a mouthful of a poorly-iced sugar cookie. The five of you had spent the afternoon baking and icing cookies for Santa, the neighbors, and the mailman; and while it was adorable and endearing, there was a distinct lack of artistic talent for cookie decorating.

“Bucky, share the cookies,” You laughed, nudging him to hand over the plate that he had taken hostage. Bucky grumbled, but you could see the way the corner of his lip quirked up; he was just as amused and happy in this scene as you were. The remainder of the cookies were shared, Sarah finished stuffing the stockings, and you placed the last present under the tree; looking at the last gift, you saw your swooping handwriting on the tag: To Bucky, with love.

“Is that everything?” Sarah asked, an exhausted but content look upon her face. “Last call for gifts, before Santa takes off for the night.”

Bucky coughed, giving Sam a side-eyed look that didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Should be everything,” Bucky responded cooly, but you could see the subtle flexing and whirring in the prosthetic arm that indicated a sort of nervousness within him. It was Christmas Eve, what could he be stressing about? Unless a gift had gotten lost in-between airports; but you had accounted for everything, you were sure of it. Shaking off the feeling as a side effect of exhaustion, you smiled when Bucky extended a hand to help you off the floor. “Ready to say g’night, doll?”

You nodded, and the both of you said quiet goodnights to Sam and Sarah before heading to bed for the evening. Tucking yourselves into the warm, soft bed, you saw the clock blink at 12:08AM. “Merry Christmas Bucky,” you whispered softly, planting a gentle kiss against his forehead, the soft glow of the moon illuminating the few silver hairs that had slowly appeared along his hairline.

“Merry Christmas, doll,” he mumbled happily, from the warm space between sleep and waking, the space where anything good could feel true, the space where Santa might be real and the world might be kind.

***

You had forgotten how early kids tend to wake up on Christmas morning. A silent apology to your parents passed through your groggy mind as you worked to drag yourself out of bed, having been roused by the inescapable sound of fists banging on the closed door and children’s muffled screams of, “Wake up! It’s Christmas!”

Bucky wore his usual early-morning scowl; one that would’ve sent fear coursing through any rational person, but it was a look you knew and loved. He pressed the soft, downy pillow over his head, trying to muffle out AJ & Cass’s insistent excitement. “Too… early…”

You laughed hoarsely, your voice not fully awake just yet. “You try telling them that, see how far it gets you,” you suggested, as you grabbed for your glasses and the pair of pajama pants that you kept handy for decency’s sake. Bucky grumbled again, and glancing at the clock, you realized you couldn’t blame him. It hadn’t yet cracked 6AM, and while Bucky was the early riser out of the two of you, this was a solid hour before his internal clock would typically wake him up. “C’mon, Buck, up and at ‘em. It’s Christmas morning, there’s presents and coffee waiting.”

The two of you finally emerged from the door, disheveled and sleep-deprived, only to be greeted by the loud cheers of AJ and Cass, who informed you that everyone else was already up.

***

The den quickly devolved into a chaotic mess of torn wrapping paper, slackened bows, crumpled tissue paper, and more toys and electronics than the room should’ve rightly been able to hold. The adults sat back and watched as AJ and Cass tore through every present, shouting and jumping and screaming in excitement with each gift that was voraciously revealed. You had shrugged your shoulders in a subtle I’m sorry to Sarah, as the kids triumphantly lifted the new Xbox above their heads. She didn’t seem to mind too much, however, after watching AJ and Cass tackle Uncle Bucky to the ground with promises and threats of ‘kicking his old butt at Mario Kart.’

As the glitter and tinsel settled throughout the love-filled room, AJ and Cass proceeded to withdraw from the early-morning celebrations to play with their new assortment of toys, games, and electronics. You had finished your second cup of coffee and had sent Bucky to retrieve your third, while you and Sam plucked the remaining gifts from underneath the tree, to be distributed amongst the adults.

You passed Sarah a thick envelope that was tied with a silver ribbon, and watched as she pulled forth a stack of papers of various sizes — airplane tickets, hotel check-in details, Broadway tickets — and happy tears flooded her cheeks as she hugged both you and Bucky tightly, thanking you for the fully-planned vacation. “Oh, and it’s not written anywhere officially, but we’re also volunteering to babysit,” you added, and laughed as Sarah grinned and clenched her fist in excitement.

“We are?” Bucky asked, pretending to be surprised. You elbowed him gently, and he corrected himself. “Yes, of course we are.”

The gift-giving continued, with lots of laughter and happy tears. Sam and Sarah had gifted you the slate-blue Le Creuset you had been eyeing wistfully for years, and Bucky received a set of tickets to a symphony performance and dance night, featuring hits from the 1940s. “Might have’ta bust out the old uniform for this one, doll,” he said with a sly grin. “Used to look real nice in those slacks, y’outght’a have the chance to appreciate the view.”

“Oh, I can only imagine the number of girls you pulled in that uniform, Barnes,” you teased. He shrugged nonchalantly as a thick arm draped around your shoulders, pulling you closer into his relaxed body. “Hey, ease up — you’re gonna make me spill my coffee!”

Bucky planted a solid kiss against your forehead as he drew you in closer, albeit with more consideration for the scalding-hot beverage in your hand this time. “That’s ancient history, sweetheart. No need to worry about Dolores at the nursing home stealing me from you.”

“Y’sure about that, Buck? I’ve heard stories about you and a redhead named Dolores…” Sam interjected, a playfully antagonistic hint to his voice. Bucky retaliated by throwing a pillow at Sam’s head, with the kind of ferocity that could only come from a super-soldier. “Kidding, kidding,” Sam laughed, as the pillow hit him squarely in the shoulder.

Both you and Bucky laughed, and he plucked the cup of steaming coffee from your hands, taking a sip before commenting further. “Only one girl I ever truly loved, sweetheart, and she’s right here with me,” he said softly, his voice rough and gravelly, but full of sincerity.

You knew that Bucky loved you, and you knew that you loved him. Little else in the world seemed to matter past those two facts, but you also understood that your shared love existed in a complex and challenging world. A world that you struggled to find a place in, a world that had all too many places for Bucky to fill; the freedom of narrative had been stolen from both of you, but as you retrieved your Christmas gift for Bucky, you hoped you had found a way to give a piece of that narrative back to him.

You handed him a thin, flat box; meticulously and nervously wrapped, the tag unmistakeable; To Bucky, with love.

You watched him open it excitedly, and he pulled out two photos. The first photo was from the original Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian, the one that had stood for several years now. The second photo was one that you had taken yourself, of the recently-updated exhibit; specifically, the segment of the exhibit that documented Bucky’s history. You watched his facial expressions closely as he examined the differences, and you saw his jaw twitch and throat tighten as he focused more closely upon the second, most recent image.

“W-what’s this, doll?” He asked, his voice shaking.

You placed a hand gently over his, the one that held the image of the updated exhibit. “This,” you spoke softly, pointing at the inscription, “This is your legacy, Bucky Barnes. The true one. The one that matters, the one that countless people will read every single day. This is the story that everyone will know.”

Looking at the photograph grasped tightly within Bucky’s human hand, you read aloud the new inscription.

“Born in 1916, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom, Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front.

Captured by HYDRA troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, deprivation, torture, and experimentation; but his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood best friend, Steve Rogers, now Captain America.

Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America’s newly formed unit, the Howling Commandos. Barnes’ marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed HYDRA bases and disrupted Nazi troop movements throughout the European Theater.”

Bucky nodded, commenting quietly. “I’ve seen this part, at the Smithsonian.”

“Yes, that was the original; the one you would’ve seen. They also noted your date of death — but as you well know, there’s more to the story,” you added gently, drawing your finger across the image to direct Bucky’s attention to the new addition.

“Barnes was tragically captured by HYDRA operatives after what was perceived to be a deadly fall. Captain America and the Howling Commandos mourned their loss of their brother and companion, with the unit fully dissolving after the loss of Captain America.

Barnes was kept as a HYDRA prisoner of war for decades, before being freed through the work of his childhood best friend. Recruited by Rogers to fight against the Titan known as Thanos, Barnes fought valiantly alongside the Avengers and helped restore the world to its rightful state.

Barnes is recognized as one of the great heroes of our time, having successfully overcome the might of both HYDRA and Thanos. As a nation, and as a global community, we now look to Barnes as an example: an example of what is good, what is right, what is resilient, what is brave and unbreakable.”

Your hands were shaking as you finished reading the new inscription, the new addition to the exhibit; and while your hands were shaking, all of Bucky was shaking. You reached an unsteady hand out towards him, letting it settle onto his shallowly breathing chest. “This is how the world will remember you, Bucky. Not as the Winter Soldier, but as a hero, as James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier was never you — and nobody will make that mistake again.”

Bucky huffed, exhaling strongly, and you could see that he was fighting off the tears that were threatening to spill from his ocean-blue eyes; you reached to hold his hand, squeezing it tightly as you smiled up at him. His bottom lip trembled slightly as his free hand came up to stroke your face; you leaned into the cool feeling of the vibranium against your warm cheek and kissed the corner of his hand that lingered against you.

“How’d you manage to pull this off, doll?” Bucky asked, voice shaking.

You shrugged and smiled playfully. “I think you’re forgetting that I work for the Smithsonian Institute, Buck. I was able to pull a few strings, call in a few favors — and anyways, museums are pretty heavily invested in having the correct information.”

Bucky laughed hoarsely, the tears receding before they had the opportunity to fall. Sam and Sarah had watched on quietly, both of them feeling grateful for the acceptance and love that you and Bucky had found with one another. “Y’know, Buck, I was thinking that your gift was pretty impressive, but after this… I dunno, man. She might have you beat.”

You looked back and forth between the two men; clearly, secrets had been exchanged, and you had been left out of it. Bucky winced as he leaned over to retrieve your gift, agreeing with Sam. “Yeah, shit, I don’t know how I can follow that. Rewriting history? Jesus, you didn’t even give me a chance.”

Bucky placed a long, narrow box in your hands, and despite his previous comment, he still smiled excitedly as you picked at the red, snowflake-covered wrapping paper. “Whatever it is, Buck, I know I’m gonna love it.”

The lid to the box opened with ease, and the contents both shocked and confused you for a moment. Your fingers nimbly grasped the silver dog tags that rested within the box, the metal chain clinking against itself as you looked more closely.

JAMES B BARNES

32557030 T42 2B

R. BARNES

3092 STOCKTON RD

SHELBYVILLE IN

The tags had been unmistakeable, undeniably familiar, from the moment you laid eyes on them. Holding the tags tightly within your hand, you turned to Bucky with questions in your eyes, and on your lips, but he beat you to it.

“Yes, these were mine. But they’re yours now.”

You stuttered, still shocked by the gesture. “B-But Bucky, aren’t you supposed to keep these on you? Isn’t it like some sort of rule? In case — oh, god, in case anything ever happened —“

Bucky shushed you as you became increasingly worried by the thought of something happening to him, the thought of him disappearing without anything remaining to identify him as the man that you loved. “Shh, doll. Nothing’s gonna happen to me, and that’s exactly why I’m givin’ these to you. I promise, I’m never gonna leave you. I’ll never be far enough away from you to need these ever again.”

While Bucky may not have cried, you certainly did, unable to fight off the swell of emotions that hit you like a tidal wave — but a tidal wave of all good things. The weight of his words ad his gesture was overwhelming; he was handing you a piece of himself, entrusting it to you, and promising that you’d never again have to face a world without him in it. You thought about these same dog tags, how they had rested against his chest for decades, and now having this piece of him so close to your heart threatened to entirely overwhelm you.

“I love you, Bucky, god, I don’t even know what else to say right now, I love you more than anything —“ Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, and you breath was a staccato rhythm as your gaze flitted between the dog tags and the man they belonged to.

Bucky grinned, and you could see the threat of tears had returned. “Just promise me you’ll wear ‘em — and that you won’t lose ‘em.”

You nodded and smiled sweetly at him, before handing him the dog tags so he could fasten them around your neck. His hands cupped your chin and brought you in for a gentle kiss, despite the protests of Sam and Sarah; but they sounded worlds away, because your whole world was right here, holding you, and would never let you go.

***

Taglist: @bdavishiddlesbatch @aleynaandrews @who-is-a-heretic-now

[delicatewerewolfsoul]

Lean on me - Seo Changbin

–pairing: seo changbin x reader, bestfriend!chan with appearence of all the members

–genre: fluff, friends to lovers au

–word count: 3.1k

–synopsis: christmas day brought one extra, more special gift that what you wished for.

–for the with love christmas! christmas collab by @hanflix (thanks rue for letting me participate in this) 

You wake up today kind of late, one thought existing in your mind "one day till Christmas". Most people would be super hyper at that time of the year, yet you were kind of bitter this particular year. "Time to spend these two last weeks of this shitty year alone" You say as you stand up from your bed to start your day by making some coffee. You pour your coffee into a cup and you sigh at the warmth your hands feel.

It wasn't that you hated Christmas, actually, you really liked the warmth of the season and how happy and hopeful it made everything seem. This year thought, was a different year. You had finally moved out finally from your parents’ house, but making it difficult to get back this time of the year. "Let's hope these days won't suck as much as I think they will" you say, your coffee now already finished, as you now put it in the sink, ready to start any other activity you could think of to get your mind away from these thoughts. As you leave the kitchen, your phone starts ringing in your pocket. You take it out and smile as you see your bestie's name on it.

"Hey Chan, how are yo-" you say and before you can finish, he cuts you off saying "Get ready loser, me and Felix are on our way to get you". You furrow your eyebrows confused as to why they would even be coming to get you. “Wait, why are you coming to get me? Chan? Hello?” you take your phone away to look at it only to see that he hung up on you. “That loser, he didn’t even say where we’re going”.

You put on some warm clothes since you had no idea where you were actually going to go and what they even had on their mind and waited for them. After no more than 5 minutes you hear some knocking on your door. You open your door and come face to face with the two dorks you called your best friends standing in your doorstep with big grins on their faces that clearly indicated that they were plotting something.

“Felix, please help them get their clothes ready” says Chan and Felix quickly goes into your room, as they both actually knew where you were going, leaving you confused as to why these sudden things were happening.

“Well, I might have rented a cabin in the woods for the Christmas… And I’m getting you there even if you’ll say no”.

He knew that you didn’t want to be a bother to them, but he also knew how much you hated the fact that you had to spent the holidays alone, so with a little help of Minho, he found the perfect solution.

“Oh no, you didn’t have to” you say pouting feeling guilty, knowing that he must have lost loads of time searching to find the perfect place to go. He didn’t even have time for himself and he did this for you? You started thinking about it. There must be something you can do right?

“Is there anything I can do? Anything I can do at least? Let me help with something okay?” getting your bag out of Felix’s hands and Chan looks at him and then laughs at that, and he just pats he side of your arm and say smiling “You idiot, just being there with us is enough… The only favor I want is that you spend time with Changbin okay? He’s been whining that you avoid him”.  

Your mouth turns into a line after that comment as you think about it. Did you actually avoid him? Well, your feelings about him might were kind of complicated this time. You don’t remember avoiding though. Yes, your answers were delayed… and kind of cold, but you were sure it wasn’t on purpose.  You turn your head to side as you try to find what to say to Chan, with a guilty look on your face and he lets out a laugh at your expression and added like it was the simplest thing in the world while opening your front door “You have feelings for him don’t you?” and you clutch your hands around the straps of your backpack tightly out of nervousness since well, he wasn’t wrong.

Felix joins you both as you both after he closes the door to your apartment and places his arm around your shoulders adding “Just talk to him, you already know each other well, there’s no way you will embarrass yourself and who knows… Maybe something will happen” and turns to look at Chan with a weird smirk on his face that you choose to not pay much attention to it.

You get into the back of the car and put your things in, you notice the many grocery bags, and as the always curious bug you were, you turn to ask Chan about it. “Why are there so many grocery bags in here? It’s past lunch time” you say after looking at your watch, knowing very well that Minho wouldn’t let anything be late or have Jisung whining about the food being late.

Chan smiles as he starts the car and Felix says “There are actually are additions for tomorrow, because Minho was in a good mood and cooked more that we actually needed today… And of course, we had everything for today ready before coming to get you cause Jisung is unbearable without his food being ready in the right time” and you all laugh at that cause you both know how he gets and how funny it is to see that happen.

“Now you, curious baby, look outside, because the scenery is very nice and it’ll take us a while to get there” Chan says and turns on some Christmas music as you get into a forest, to get you all in the Christmas mood, and you’re in awe by the scenery: beautiful tall cypress trees, covered with snow, the deep green in contrast with the bright with the bright snow.

And just like that, while your attention was on the beautiful scenery you arrive at the little cabin. As Chan abruptly stops the car, you suddenly come back to reality.  “Wait are we here?” you say “Yes, isn’t it adorable?” Felix adds, super excited about their little discovery, super happy that they actually have time to get away from their stressful everyday life.

You take a look at the cabin and you gasp, astonished the little house in front of you. A little cabin made with dark wood, the tall trees around it making it look even smaller. You have to thank Chan about this. Your love for warm looking houses and the need to get away from your ordinary life, in search of solitude was very well known to everyone that you well enough, it felt like a fresh little wind blew into your life and you couldn’t get enough from it. You let your eyes take everything in, until your eyes land on the window and the reason why it landed there, makes you laugh.

Three pairs of eyes on you behind the glass of the window with smiles on their faces, their smiles getting even bigger as they notice you looking at them, making a motion to you to come in the cabin. You open the front door and you smile in content, the interior of the cabin being exactly as the way you though it would be: wooden walls, the warm light in the center of the room making everything golden and warmer and more festive that it already was. “Whoever decorated in here, did a really good job” you say without even realizing you said and Seungmin comes your way. “That would be me and thank you” he says as he pulls you in for quick hug “no one helped if you’re curious” you giggle at that because of course no one helped, since Seungmin probably had a specific plan on his head about how everything would be. As you pull away from him, you feel a pair of arms around you and you instantly hug that person back.

“Hi Jisung, long time no see” you smile as you pull away and greet the other members noticing that the boy you’ve been looking forward seeing the most, was missing. “Wait, where’s Changbin?” you ask looking around in the room.

“He’s in the kitchen with Minho, probably stressing out about the cookies we left them bake” says Felix and you make your way towards the kitchen, curious about what they made. As you enter the kitchen you start at the way Changbin looks, forgetting every bit of nervousness you had before. He was standing there in a santa apron, taking of cookies from the pan, while Mihno was behind him with an elf apron on, putting some cookies in the oven.

“It looks like you’re having fun here” you point out, and Changbin’s eyes shoot up to look at you his whole face lighting up, taking off his apron on and opens up his arms as he comes closer, giving you a big hug. “I’m happy you’re here” he says next to your ear, and you panic, feeling your heartbeat getting faster and try to collect yourself so you can answer to him. “I’m happy to see you too, it’s been so long right?” you say and then pull away, starting to walk towards the living room where the other guys were located.

“Right, I haven’t see you since last month, but I’m happy that you’re spending Christmas with us today… About today, Felix planned a Christmas movie for all of us to watch and then we’re probably get some sleep hopefully to get ready for the party tomorrow” she says and plops down on the couch. You sit next to him, and continue talking until all the guys join you on the couch, and you feel yourself getting squeezed between Changbin and Jeongin, your whole side touching Changbin, and only that was making you forget how to breathe. He was so close to you, you could feel his warmth, his smell, making you dizzy,

After some minutes, probably sensing how uncomfortable you felt, he tries to smoothly put his around your arms, making you snuggle into him and your eyes turn wide open at the action and you glance towards Chan in panic, to find him already looking at you both, smirking at you both, and at that you remember what Felix said before you left the house and that gives you a pinch of confidence, so you push yourself closer to his side, and you look up at him, and you think you can see a tint of pink on his cheeks as he shyly smiles back at you but you turn to continue watching the movie.

As the movie ends you, Felix closes the TV in front of you and the boys begin to stretch out their limps and you stand up to clean up the bowls from the popcorn you’ve been eating, not being able to stay still, thinking the fact that you stayed in the arms of Seo Changbin for 3 hours.

“Are we gonna do anything else or are you too tired?” says Chan, tiredness evident on his voice and the boys faces. “To be honest, I really want to sleep” says and Jeongin and stands up, the other maknae line following him as well.

“What about you y/n?” says Minho, looking at you. “I think I might stay up a little, I had a really good nap before” you say and the boys agree. “Umm... I think I’ll stay up a little bit longer” says Changbin while rubbing the back of his neck looking at Chan.

“Oh really, why Changbin?” Jisung says with his usual teasing voice. Changbin tenses up, and looks at Jisung with wide, terrified eyes stuttering out a really awkward “because I’m not sleepy of course, haha, why else?” he says and glances your way, to see if you understand anything. You on the other hand were in your own world, thinking still thinking about the fact that in a few minutes, you would be alone with Changbin in the living room, not even noticing a bit of the little crisis that was happening in the other room.

You wash the left-over dishes and walk towards the living room, to see him sitting with his back towards you, on the fluffy white carpet in front of the lit fireplace. As he hears your steps, he turns around and pats the space next to him, asking you silently to join him on the floor. As you plop down, he puts the blanket he had on him, around you as well “Chan gave it to me, said it mind be better if we have it, so yeah” he says and then you both fall in a kind of awkward silence, smiling foolishly at yourselves to the fact that you’re sitting next to each other, feeling like you are teenagers all over again.

“I had a good with all of you today” you start slowly, playing with your fingers trying to follow Felix’s advice, to see if something will actually happen. “It was nice having you here as well, it’s been so long since we last had you around, it was kind of lonely without you” he says hesitantly not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. You smile as you continue to share your thoughts “I thought I would be super alone this Christmas without my parents and now it’s turning into a such a beautiful new adventure, I really like it” you say and Changbin smiles and answers “I’m really glad you like it” and then instantly tenses as he feels your head on his shoulder.

A lot of thoughts cross his mind as he’s waiting for any sign that you’re awake. Did they fall asleep and that quick? Can a person actually fall asleep that quickly? After a few minutes, he sighs, being sure that had in fact had fallen asleep, and starts talking to himself.

“Ughh y/n, I feel so stupid right now. I thought this would b the perfect moment to tell you my feelings, to finally show you my heart, to actually tell you how much I wish you were mine, ho much I want to wake up to your face every morning, make you breakfast even if I suck at it”. Meanwhile you were frozen in place as you heard him, not knowing what to do, cause all of this happened because the back of your neck was hurting and decided to rest it for a bit on his shoulder, and felt content with that position that you didn’t want to move. Now you felt bad for the boy that was pouring out his heart at you, believing that you were asleep where in fact you were awake.

“I really wish I could find sooner the courage to tell you how beautiful you looked that day Chan introduced you to us. You smiled at me and I swear it felt like the sun smiled at me” he says and you snort at the last part, not being able to control yourself, as you never waited him to say something so cheesy.

As he hears the snort, he turns to look at you confused and he freaks out as he sees that you’re awake “I’m sorry, but that was super cheesy, I didn’t think you had in you” you say and in his panic state, he tries to say sorry for everything  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were okay – you probably don’t feel the same way as I do and that’s totally fine, we can keep being friends, you totally don’t have to feel b-“ he says and stops as he feels something soft on his lips.

“You fool, I feel exactly the same as you, I thought you would notice, I was painfully obvious, Seungmin kept teasing me for being awkward around you, same as Chan did” you say and smile at his astonished face, as he looked into your eyes, still not sure if what he’s hearing is right.

“Do you mean it? Do you really mean it?” he asks, wanting to make sure he’s hearing right. “Of course I do, I would never lie about my feelings” you say and he looks at yours eyes, the warm light from fireplace illuminating your face, and the fairy lights from the Christmas tree next to you making everything ten times more romantic and before he can stop himself, his lips are on yours, kissing you slowly, emotions all over the place, happiness evident on both you, with his hand securely holding your jaw.

You pull away, and he keeps looking at your face, taking in your features, while caressing your cheek affectionally, as if he afraid that you’ll fade away. “I didn’t think I’ll be able to do it, I felt such a coward but I’m really glad it turned out this way” he says, a small face on his face, and you smile at him.

“We’re such morons, we could be together since a long time ago, but we just kept focusing in our own feelings to even notice what the other felt” you and say and you both laugh at that. “I’m really glad that from now own you’ll be my partner, it feels like a dream” he smiles and takes you in his arms.

“Btw, did you really think I was asleep before?” you laugh and he pouts, “you know, you seemed asleep, I don’t know”. Well, to his defense Chan had mentioned before that if you feel comfortable enough, you might fall asleep in seconds, so how could you ask that?

“I want to thank you for something though” you say and he looks at you “What for?” he says, not really paying attention. “Well, for being my Christmas gift this year” you smile at him and he laughs, covering his face. “And you call me cheesy” he says pulls you to the ground.

Bonus: In the morning Minho and Chan walk down the stairs calmly, while holding a conversation about the schedule for that day. They both smile at the sight on the living room floor, you two sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms, the white blanket around your bodies, the fire in the fireplace long gone. Chan turns to Minho and says “Told you it would work”

a/n: big thanks to @curanonemu for helping me with the idea of the fic, and giving me inspiration, thanks bud. Also big thanks to @n8dlesoupguk & @cotccotc​ for keeping me sane while I was writing this, lol. Love you all 💖

[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 45

Read on Fanfiction.net or ao3.

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Chapter 45

“Happy Christmas, you two.” Molly gave Ron and Hermione each a hug as they emerged from the fireplace on Christmas morning. Every Christmas she became a little brighter and cheerful, even more so this time considering all of her children had promised to come home — even Charlie — and two grandchildren to dote on.

Bill and Fleur had had their second child — another girl — Dominique a few months back, which had thrilled Molly and Arthur.

Where Victoire was fair with her mother’s hair and complexion, Dominique was every inch a Weasley from her red hair to her freckles and what Bill described as a feisty personality. Ron had only seen her a handful of times, and of those times, Victoire had expressed jealousy at anyone showing interest in her younger sister. She was of the age where accidental magic could start showing, and Victoire had not held back on that front.

A few exploded windows and an unhinged door had prevented Ron and Hermione from visiting Shell Cottage for some months.

But now she happily ran into the living room behind Teddy Lupin, both carrying a bunch of stuffed toys in their arms, presumably Christmas presents, chatting away in their kiddie speech.

“Gamma,” Victoire said to Molly. “You play?”

“In a moment, dear,” Molly said, stepping away from Ron. “I have some things to do to get ready for Christmas before I can.”

“How about you ask Uncle Charlie again?” George, who was sitting with Harry and Ginny in the living room, said. “He loved it last time.”

That, Ron surmised, was a total lie. Ron hadn’t seen his brother in a while, but by the look on Charlie’s face, he had no desire to play with Victoire and Teddy. Especially with stuffed toys.

“It’s a shame there’s no dragons to play with, huh?” Ron said, stepping around his mother to embrace Charlie.

“Yeah, but there’s a few stuffed ones in that extensive collection,” Charlie said. “Courtesy of me.” He grinned. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” Ron said. “You need to drop by more often.”

“I hear you have a nice place now,” Charlie said, looking between Ron and Hermione, who was still by the fireplace. “In Nottingham?”

“We also have a spare room.”

“I’ll consider that,” Charlie said, clapping Ron on the shoulder. Underneath his shirt Ron caught a glimpse of a tail flicking up his arm and smiled, wondering if Molly had ever discovered the large dragon tattoo Charlie had across his body. When Molly wasn’t around, it usually stretched down the length of both arms and across his chest. But with his mother present, he kept it hidden underneath his clothes.

No one had ever bothered mentioning it to her, though Ron was sure even Victoire knew about it by now.

“We’re just waiting on Percy and Audrey, and then we can start with opening some presents,” Molly said, smiling at them all.

“Yay!” Victoire said, dumping her toys on the floor in front of her. She hurried over to the Christmas tree where all the presents were laid out and kneeled on the ground to stare at them.

Her restraint was admirable, Ron thought. He couldn’t really remember being two and a half, but he was sure he would have been far more curious about what was inside the paper.

Not that there had ever been that many presents under the tree before. As the family grew, so did the number of gifts.

Molly beamed at Victoire on the floor, as if watching her granddaughter’s excitement over Christmas was the best gift she could ever receive.

And to her, it probably was.

“You do know they’re not all for you, don’t you, Vic?” George said.

Victoire ignored him, her eyes wide and watching as if she expected them to move.

“Hardly any, actually,” Bill said. “Considering she insisted on opening ours and Charlie’s before the rest of you got yourselves out of bed.”

Everyone smiled, and for a moment, they watched her, perhaps all reminiscing about their own Christmases when they were children.

It was nice to think that Teddy, Victoire, Dominique, and the other kids who’d be born in this generation would have the chance to enjoy times like this in a completely innocent way.

Percy and Audrey arrived a little while later, emerging from the fireplace, covered in soot. Audrey appeared totally bewildered by the experience, saying something about how she could do that one hundred times and still not be used to it.

Percy cleaned her up with his wand, apologising for being late, but adding how much of an effort getting the Ministry to permit Muggles to travel via wizarding transportation methods had been.

Despite the progression the wizarding world had been making over the years, Muggle relations were still a topic with a lot of room to work with. There had been a large number of magical folk marrying Muggles over the last few years, which had sparked an inquiry into how much they should know, and if husbands or wives or girlfriends and boyfriends were to be introduced into magical society, how were they supposed to go about that?

Most people were in agreement that Muggles who married into wizarding families should be granted privileges by the Ministry to Floo travel and Side-along Apparition, but there was a whole issue regarding the Statute of Secrecy and the legalities surrounding that.

Ron heard about it at work due to working in the Magical Law Department, but none of that was his expertise, nor was it Harry’s or Hermione’s. Last he had heard, the laws were still against the idea, hence why Hermione’s parents couldn’t be Apparated to the middle of nowhere for a wedding, but perhaps because Percy worked in the Transportation department he had been given additional privileges for Christmas.

“Don’t you control the Magical Transportation area?” Bill asked.

“Yes, but that is a matter for Magical Law and there’s some incredibly stubborn people over there.” Percy looked to Harry and Ron, as if it were their fault that Audrey couldn’t travel to the Burrow at will.

“We’re Aurors, Perce. Nothing to do with us.”

“Not to matter, you’re here now,” Molly said.

“Pwesents?” Victoire asked suddenly.

“Just after your mother comes down from putting your sister to sleep, dear,” Molly said.

Victoire pouted.

“You’ve already opened four this morning,” Bill said, amused. “How many more do you think there are?”

“All!” Victoire said.

“They’re not all for you,” Bill replied.

Victoire pouted again. “Pwesents for me?”

“Some, maybe,” Bill said. “But not all.”

Ron knew of at least one for Victoire. Hermione had bought it, explaining that Christmas was a magical time for children and that she thought Victoire would like what she had bought. She’d also bought a gift for Dominique, who was only three months old and would be asleep anyway, and Teddy, too, who seemed less interested in presents and more interested in climbing into Harry’s lap. Ron smiled. He was glad Andromeda had decided to come celebrate with them this year.

Though, Ron was a bit worried about the growing bunch of Weasleys when it came to Christmases.

When Hermione had insisted on buying Victoire her present, he’d even expressed some of that fear. “So, if Percy and Audrey have kids, and Harry and Ginny, George, Charlie… if we have kids, you’re planning on buying for all of them?” Ron had asked her. “I mean, I’m one of seven. What if everyone has seven kids?”

“We are not having seven children,” was all she had said on that matter.

So Ron had supposed that the answer was yes; she would buy for all of them.

Soon Fleur returned, and Victoire insisted that she and Teddy start handing out the presents, and with help from Bill, the pair spent their time distributing gifts to everyone. Bill had to point to Charlie a number of times for Victoire, since she wasn’t as familiar with him and kept forgetting, but she seemed to know who everyone else was and trotted over, handing them presents. Teddy took the charge on Harry’s and Ginny’s, as well as his grandmother’s once she’d finished up in the kitchen and joined everyone.

It was an extremely slow process, but still a fun one now that the kids were old enough to be aware of what was happening. Victoire was excited, but the moment she received presents for herself, Bill was forced to distribute the rest, which went much faster because he had a wand.

With their wedding in a few months and most of their money going towards that, Ron and Hermione had agreed to not do much for Christmas with each other this year. But still, Ron had gotten her some new books about the history of goblin and elf rights he’d seen her eyeing, and she’d given him a season pass to all Chudley Cannons games for the next season.

It wasn’t much different from last Christmas, but both of them were pleased.

“You mean, you want to travel around the country attending the games with me?” he asked, grinning at her.

“Well… no… I thought you could go with Harry. Or George. Or Charlie, if he can. But I can if you want me to.”

“Of course I’d want you to come, but I know you’d hate that, so I’ll ask Harry?”

She smiled. “I’ll come to the one Ginny is playing?”

“That’s the first game,” Ginny said, coming over to them as the mere mention of it invited her into any conversation. “Just got the schedule before Christmas. You’ll be there?”

“Yes,” Ron and Hermione said together.

“Oh, great! I’ll see if I can get you guys some good seats. I think it’s being played in Holyhead…”

“We’ll be there,” Hermione said.

Ginny beamed. “It’ll be great if you guys can come. Charlie has even promised to get to a few this year. Bill said he might take Victoire to one or two.”

“Lunch will be ready soon,” Molly said, coming from the kitchen.

“I hungwy,” Victoire said, dropping her toys and running from the living room.

Everyone else slowly climbed to their feet and came into the kitchen.

Upon seeing the set table and the number of chairs surrounding it, a sense of peace washed over Ron. He loved Christmas. Even though he got to see his family throughout the year — weekly, really — there was something really special about this time of the year. He remembered Christmas as a child and how fun it had been, but it now seemed even better. Each year, the table grew. More chairs were added as more people came into their lives. Soon there’d be no room in the kitchen to eat at all and they’d be forced into the garden in the middle of winter.

For now, it was just Victoire and Teddy, but next year would it be Dominique? Or would Percy and Audrey have a baby? Would George meet someone he’d like to bring? Or Charlie?

Next year he would have spent almost a whole year married to Hermione, Victoire would be even older and Dominique would probably be walking around, too.

He was used to large numbers in his family, and it seemed only fitting that it would just keep growing over the years. It made each Christmas more enjoyable than the last.

Ron had never realised how much he enjoyed his large family. As a child, it had irritated him. He was the second youngest, constantly overshadowed and rarely had something that belonged to just him. But now, as an adult who was making his own way in life, he'd come to appreciate it more.

He appreciated his parents who had done their best, and each and every one of his siblings for who they were. Bill for always taking him seriously when he felt no one else did, Charlie for being the laid back brother who could cheer him up, and even Percy, who’d gotten so much better over the years. He was so close to George and Ginny now, seeing them on a weekly basis, which had never been the case a few years ago.

And Fred… well Fred would always be his brother and he’d always miss him. For as long as he lived.

But this new appreciation for the family he already had had him thinking more and more about what the future held for him. And Hermione.

They’d started their own lives together, in which he was so incredibly happy, and he naturally thought about their family. It didn’t exist yet, but he wanted it, and in the recent months he’d found himself wanting it more.

He wanted to have children with her — he wanted what Bill had — and he felt that soon would be the right time.

He was young still — they both were — but he didn’t really feel that young. He felt so much older and much more mature than people who hadn’t fought in a war at eighteen. He felt as if he’d lived a lifetime already and that he was ready for the next step.

But this was also something — for the first time ever — that he was too afraid to talk to Hermione about. They were on the same page about many things, but he felt that this would be something they weren’t. She said she saw children in their future, but he knew her idea of the future was still a few years away. She was so focused on her career at the moment that he didn’t want to ruin it for her.

She’d say it wasn’t the right time, they weren’t ready, and truthfully, he knew she was right. It just didn’t stop him from feeling the way he did.

“Hungwy!” Victoire said, drawing Ron back to the table. “I hungwy.”

“You’re always ‘ungry,” Fleur said with a smile directed towards her daughter, but she passed Victoire a plate of food. Victoire began eating straight away.

“Are you okay?” Hermione asked, nudging Ron with her arm. “It’s not like you to be so quiet here.”

“I’m fine,” Ron said, nodding. “Just… thinking.”

“About?”

“Lots of things. Mostly about you.”

She smiled, and from across the table he saw Ginny roll her eyes at Harry, who just laughed to himself.

Ron didn’t care. He was happy, he was content, and he didn’t care if that pissed off the Minister for Magic himself.

It made him feel good.

…

A week later, they were at The Leaky Cauldron with a ton of students from their year. Harry, Ginny, Neville, Hannah, Luna, Dean, Seamus, Lavender, Parvati, Padma and a few others Padma had invited were all celebrating the end of the year. Hannah had invited them, choosing the place she and her Healing crew had been celebrating at for the last few years.

Ron usually didn’t care too much for New Year’s celebrations, but he felt this one would be worth it.

“You know,” Hermione said as the large clock Tom had put in for the occasion read one minute to the new year, “in one minute it’ll be the year we’re getting married.”

Ron smiled at her as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He drew her towards him. “The best year yet. I can feel it.”

“And another year further away from the past, and a step closer to the future.”

He kissed her.

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for the new year to do that?” she asked.

“Last one of this year, then I’ll kiss you again in thirty seconds as the first kiss of the new year.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“And this will be the last time I tell you I love you for this year, too.”

Hermione drew him into a deep kiss. He could vaguely hear the others beginning to count down, but he really didn’t care for New Year’s celebrations.

When she pulled away, her lips tasting of a few too many Butterbeers, she smiled up at him and said, “Happy year of becoming my husband.”

“I love you,” Ron said and he kissed her again. Their first kiss of what he knew would be the best year of his life.

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore