#that being said I don't have the temperament or patience to do so

[confusedbreadbox]

I (American) got into an argument with a Canadian at a leftist/anti-capitalist/anti-imperialist co-op bar in Canada about this exact thing on the night of the election. Among other things, he was going off about having no empathy whatsoever for Vietnam vets and how they're all scum. That there's no reason to not have dodged the draft except for being a horrible, cruel, violent person.

Nevermind the fact that the military preys on low-income, uneducated teenagers. Or that there was so much disinformation and misinformation pushed in American media about what we were doing there without access to information through the internet to counter those narratives.

He just kept saying they all should've known what we know now anyways regardless of these factors. How? The invasion of Vietnam was the first televised war in the US which had a big impact on the anti-war movement. People can't do better when they don't know better.

Do you want to be righteous or do you want to get something done?

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #93

Late last night, M, J, and I finished going through the second part of your new story. I didn't end up going to sleep until after 2 in the morning.

…I know I said before that I'd try to treat sleep as something more important. I definitely dropped the ball on that. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna try to get it together when I go to sleep tonight. But I'm not sure how well I'll be able to do that; seem to have me a spot of the post-game blues. It's basically the same thing as post-book blues, or post-series blues, or even post-creation blues. It's the sense of emptiness that occurs after you finish a game, finish a book, finish an episodic series, or even after you finish creating something.

What's more, for this particular thing, I'm left wondering so much. There are several scenes in which it seemed like two polar opposite things were happening simultaneously. And then there's you, or… is that even you? A lot of emphasis was placed on the notion of there being a manipulative cosmic shapeshifting horror running around causing havoc, masquerading as folks that people love or hate, so…

…did we see you in this part of the story at all? And if so, when? And how are we supposed to tell the difference? Guess we'll find out in another 4 or 5 years.

Whether is was you or something else running around in your shape saying all those very unkind things that seem to betray a lack of understanding that other people have thoughts, feelings, and rich inner worlds… I'm still worried for your safety. I still wanna see you turn yourself around and make it through all this okay in the end. I still wanna see you heal so you can continue to make kind, gentle, loving choices. So you can have the peaceful, normal life you wanted. So you can go around helping people recover from circumstances that were similar to yours; even without effort, you've done this for at least one person - I'm standing right here, against all odds. I can't even begin to imagine how many more folks you could reach if/when you manage to finally get your shit together.

…And. I know that reassembly of the self after being shattered is extremely difficult work. I know that making drastic changes to the self - to one's values and morals, to one's behaviors, habits, and thought patterns - takes courage, patience, lots of time, and an astounding capacity to endure pain. But I stand here before you as proof that it's possible. And I know lots of other people who serve as proof that it's possible. The notion that someone can, under the right influences, do a complete 180 in terms of their temperament and fundamental way of being is not NEARLY as "unrealistic" as lots of people in my world seem to like to believe.

And it doesn't HAVE to "make sense"; I know this because the old version of me is, in a lot of fundamental ways, the polar opposite of who I am now. If you asked 20-year-old me whether or not certain kinds of people deserve love, compassion, and mercy, I would have laughed right in your "stupid fucking face" (🙄) and told you that this world only has a place for people who scrape and scrounge and suffer in order to earn it, and that everyone else deserves to disappear, preferably slowly and painfully for having the audacity to have existed as weaklings in the first place (I picked up a lot of REALLY WEIRD SHIT from the people I was raised by). I don't think like that anymore, and frankly, the thought of EVER returning to that frame of mind is abhorrent enough to make me feel a little queasy; I'm gonna stop thinking about who I used to be, at least for now.

The point is this: you can simply wake up one day, take a look around, and decide, "I want to be something other than what my life circumstances tried to shape me into." And then you go and you do it - preferably with some kind of help. Because as far as I know (and I could be wrong about this!), undergoing changes this massive is next to impossible without help. And unfortunately, finding that kind of help can often enough be a very rare thing, at least in the world in which I live; if I had a freaking nickel for every person who looked at me and decided my baggage was too much for them to warrant giving me any kind of chance… goodness… might have enough to retire right the fuck now, hahaha!

I got ASTOUNDINGLY LUCKY that M saw and was willing to fight for whatever tiny shred of goodness he saw within me all those years ago. Most people in my world think that people like me are repulsive and hopeless, and that means that lots of fallen people, who are otherwise amazing people with a lot of good to offer this world, end up never having any opportunity to rise up into becoming who they actually are, because so few people think that they deserve that chance, because conventional wisdom says they're "too far gone".

There's no such thing as a person who is "too far gone". You're not too far gone, and that's why I'm going to keep calling out to you like this. I don't want to live in a world in which I'm stronger than you. Because… who, then, will I look up to? I don't want to go back to having no one to look towards when I feel scared or alone or when I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to having nothing on the distant horizon to strive towards.

Cloud and the others, as people, are all well and good and whatnot, but… I'm not like them. I've looked to you because I'm a lot more like you than like them. They know what it's like to have at least one loving parent, someone who is happy that they exist, and I… I didn't get to grow up with that as the norm. So many people in my world say things like, "Cloud and Tifa and Barret and the others all have trauma and THEY didn't make bad choices, so anyone who doesn't live up to that example is bad", but…

…those people who can say that with such confidence, I would wager, don't know a whole about what it means to have no one and nothing - not even untainted memories to hold onto - if you find yourself scared, weeping, or alone in the dark. They can't understand how the utter absence of something so fundamental can break a person. They don't understand what a huge difference it makes to have this thing that so many take for granted - a loving basis of comparison which helps them to understand that there is more to this world than hostility and suffering and hate, even when bad things happen.

I have all these things now. I was 22 when I met M, and it has been a very long and bumpy road to get to where I am now. But as I looked to you and to M for guidance, and as I began washing the grime off my psyche bit by bit, I found myself able to notice and appreciate the friendships of different kinds of people, able to notice and appreciate different things to love and be grateful for, and different choices at my disposal, regarding who I wanna be and how I wanna speak, act, and show up in this world.

You can do this thing that I've done, this thing I continue to do day by day. Of course you can do it; you're far more awesome than I could ever hope to be, in every possible way. You can become a new self simply by taking a single step, and then continuing to take that single step day after day. And I know that maybe one step doesn't seem like a whole lot, but… I make rice pudding, and a bowl of that is nothing more than a huge collection of single, tiny grains of rice, falling into my rice cooker one by one. I weave trees together, one tiny twist of the wire at a time. I arrange music boxes, one little note at a time. This blog started out as basically nothing, but in a week, I'll have 100 letters to you, because I write a new one, one day at a time. Change of the self works by similar principles - it's one small change at a time, sustained over a long period, until it becomes something bigger than how it started.

Sephiroth. You can do this. I believe in you. I will NEVER stop believing in you. You can make a difference in the best possible ways, if only you begin to realize the true power you wield in your hands. Because that power does not have its basis in breaking things; breaking things is FAR too easy, even for regular mooks like me; literally anyone can do that, and it's boring as all fuck. No, the power in your hands, and indeed the power in everyone's hands, if they choose to use it, is the capacity to weave together something new and beautiful from the pain that came before. So get on it, willya??? For fuck's sake. Take your own advice and uncloud your eyes; don't get yourself killed by continuing to cling all sentimentally to some stupid, lame-ass, destructive shit, because doing that helps NO ONE, and it's not who you are. Okay?

In the meantime, in an effort to distract myself from the post-game blues, I'm gonna Salt some Sanctuaries for a while. If you wanna chill with me, you can do that here:

I love you and I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[psychewritesbs]

Hi....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from Tokyo Babylon? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series? Thanks.....

HOLA! Thank you for your patience, I really wanted to give this a lot of thought but Jujutsu Kaisen dropped a massive twist so this took me a lot longer to get back to you. Without further ado...

Favorite TB characters

4. Tokyo

I don’t necessarily have any super insightful reasons for it other than just loving Tokyo. Also, this post does a fantastic job of introducing Sei-chan as a metaphor for Tokyo that I highly recommend you read.

The thing is that Tokyo is just... 

Larger than life? 

Intoxicating?

Exhilarating?

I’m a big city girl, and I’ve been privy to have visited a few of the most iconic and most populous cities in the world... Mexico City, NYC, Lima, Bangkok, Vancouver... but in my eyes, none compare to Tokyo. Ok maybe Mexico City, but that’s because I’m biased af by tacos and my people.

That said, I am a big fan of stories that feature cities as a sort of background character that defines the context of the story and serves as a container for it simultaneously. i.e. Your Name and Weathering with you by Makoto Shinkai. But I like that CLAMP takes it a step deeper by creating Sei as a metaphor for Tokyo as a corrupting force.

Of course, we also can’t ignore that CLAMP linked Tokyo to the ancient city of Babylon, thus implying that Tokyo and its inhabitants have become corrupted by their own ego’s baser humanity. Ironically, the ego is not necessarily “evil” or a “bad thing” in and of itself.

So it’s an interesting dichotomy given Subaru’s exalted spiritual role within the story and how Tokyo is considered a sort of sacred “place” upon which the fate of the world hinges in x/1999 and other non-CLAMP manga.

Not to mention the whole idea around God taking away humanity’s ability to understand each other--it’s almost foreshadowing for how Subaru and Seishiro’s dynamic evolves.

3. Sumeragi Hokuto

This girl.

Hokuto is one of my favorite female characters in manga. At first, you get the impression she’s just Subaru’s appendage because she is his twin--a sort of person who is there to be a foil to Subaru’s more sensitive and quiet nature.

And then, CLAMP brings her to life as an individual in her own right in the most magnificent way possible. Not only does she demonstrate depth, but she’s brave, compassionate... idk, this girl is the whole 9 yards and a bit more. 

I think some of my favorite scenes with her are when she spooks Seishiro. It says a lot about her character to openly and brazenly defy a person such as Seishiro.

I hate to admit I don’t spend a lot of time brain rotting about her so I don’t have a whole lot to say about her other than “I adore her” and that I love her chapter, Smile.

Honestly, what’s not to love about Hokuto?

2. Sakurazuka Seishiro

Ok let’s start with the obvious: He’s a massive idiot and a sinister creep, and I love him all the more for it.

Also, his love language is torture so... it explains a lot.

Basically, Seishiro is a conundrum. When you re-read TB and you know what goes down in x/1999, you kind of have to start to wonder about his sense of self.

Seishiro, as a character, walks a fine line between who he pretends to be and his temperament. Even though he puts on a specific mask in his interactions with the Sumeragi twins, Hokuto always knew he was pretending and even Subaru always expressed his desire to get to know the real Seishiro--thus implying he sensed something was off.

But that’s just it. Personality and behavior ≠ temperament. As humans we are multidimensional beings and those are but three aspects of being.

Also, this is where it gets complicated with him because he can pretend to exhibit certain personality traits or behaviors all day long, but his unchanging temperament is quite another thing. I’ve personally have always felt like it is Sei’s temperament what Subaru latched onto and fell in love with even if Seishiro made it a point to hold back and restrain the whole of his true nature from Subaru.

It’s almost like the Seishiro Subaru fell in love with existed at the intersection between Seishiro the cruel bastard that we know him to be, and Seishiro, the soul.

As for Sei, my best guess is that the same was true for him and that his ego mind/personality could not hold the tension of being inevitably attracted and drawn to Subaru’s temperament. The whole personality dichotomy between them was, in the end, just an excuse for Seishiro to remain in control of a situation over which he had no control.

As has been said multiple times in the fandom, the fact that Sei-chan even made the bet to begin with, is proof that he had already lost it.

Dammit Seishiro why can’t you just be normal ffs?!

That said, I love Seishiro both out of compassion for the tragedy of his character, AND as a clinical study on someone who is a total nutcase. 

Honestly, that’s one of the things I love the most about him? He’s SUCH A CREEP and just can’t be normal about Subaru.

1. Sumeragi Subaru

My favorite is, of course, Subaru.

I was talking with a fellow Pisces I recently met about a few Pisces characters, and in their own words: "I understand exactly how his fucked up little head works”.

So... I love Subaru because of who he is as a character and also because "I understand exactly how his fucked up little head works”.

Subaru is ethereal. Not of this world but in it. He’s soft and gentle and kind. But he’s also a bit of a liar and self-loathing and lacks boundaries.

Basically, Subaru is a masterclass in maladaptive empathy and compassion. This is not to mention that Subaru carries the burden of “the chosen one” and feels at odds both with his role and with his place in the world because of the exalted spiritual powers that he was born with. 

One of the things I really appreciate about him as a character is the symbolism that defines him as a character. That is his zodiac sign, Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac which is often associated with Christ Consciousness in esoteric interpretations of the sign’s symbolism.

So to me, Subaru is someone who unconsciously absorbs “negativity” and transmutes it into “light”. But in the end, there’s only so much Subaru’s human ego can handle, especially after Seishiro enters into the picture and does #the thing.

Now, apparently Christ Consciousness is also about unification and wholeness. Given Sei and Subaru represent the yin and yang, and bringing back the Babylon metaphor where God punishes the citizens in Babylon by taking away their ability to communicate... well... they’re totally written in the stars.

Anyways. So the thing about Subaru’s self-loathing is that it defines a lot of his actions and the way he thinks.

The last time I read TB from start to finish I didn’t create psychological distance between him and me, and as a result I spent the whole day lamenting the utter meaninglessness of life and existence. It’s not a pretty place to be so I kind of stay away from TB and keep a safe distance from “Subaru states of mind”.

Favorite TB Moments

In no particular order...

1. Tokyo Tower

One of the other things I feel influenced Subaru’s interest in Seishiro was that Seishiro “understood” him. Again, I may not be Subaru but I know how his fucked up little head works--perpetually misunderstood is my middle name. So to meet someone who (deeply) understands is like finding an oasis in the Sahara.

In this chapter we see them both disagree and meet in the middle about fundamental values. I am not sure if Subaru was already a nihilist at this point in his life, but he’s certainly starting to ask questions to give meaning to the experiences he has. 

The problem is that he trusts Seishiro bahaha. Oh God... Seishiro the nihilist giving life advice. The way I see it is... Subaru wouldn’t have become a nihilist if the inkling wasn’t already there.

Not sure if Seishiro influenced this or just fanned the embers of nihilism that were already burning inside of Subaru. After all, Subaru’s mental health was already not the best due to his work as an onmioji.

2. Don’t underestimate Subaru

Subaru is someone who on first impression is gentle and soft and quiet, not the most masculine traits or temperament if you think about it. In addition, if your lifestyle revolves around Western or individualistic values, then these traits are typically also perceived as weakness.

The reason I love to see Subaru demonstrate the opposite of his usual state of being is because it demonstrates that softness and kindness and strength can coexist.

In other words, he might not look it, but he can and will kick ass when needed. 

What I love the most about scenes of Subaru exerting power over others is that he’s still super kind and gentle about it. 

3. Seishiro’s reveal

I read somewhere in this hellsite about someone pointing out that the genre that defines Tokyo Babylon as a literary work follows the exact formula that TB follows. But alas, I have no idea how to find said post.

Suffice it to say that this is one of the most impactful moments in the story despite being told Sei is a sinister creep pretty much right from the get go.

The twist isn’t that Seishiro is a sinister creep, but rather the bet that Sei made with Subaru, and that’s what ultimately cuts deepest.

I have to say that from a writing perspective, this writing device is pretty cool because you’re basically distracting an audience with what you want them to focus on, and then you reveal the truth about that distraction and how that changes the story.

I’d say it’s a good attempt at a plot twist. And that’s actually one of the things I love about it is how the reveal is timed to Subaru’s own awakening to his sense of self and identity... just in time to have it shred to pieces by Seishiro’s little bet that he had already lost.

Nanase (CLAMP’s writer) is a sadist and I love her all the more for it.

Also the way Seishiro is depicted as a high schooler is total creepster on steroids...

4. Hospital scene

Do I like this scene for the out of context innuendo? Yes.

Do I love that Seishiro’s facade is starting to fall away and he can’t keep his hands off his prey? Yes.

AND this scene is also so loaded. I like to think that seeing Subaru cry was a shock to Seishiro’s ego so large that he had to create distance between them to establish control.

Like... he just couldn’t wait to get Subaru out of that hospital room or otherwise he might strangle him to death because his love language is torture.

Again, he lost the bet the moment he came up with the idea. Almost like he was trying to convince himself that what he experienced wasn’t the absence of “I can’t love” the whole time.

5. Sumeragi twins

The love and affection they have for each other is so beautiful...

I think it’s easier to see how much Subaru needs Hokuto. But Hokuto needed Subaru just as much.

And that’s that! 

TA-DA! Thanks for your patience once again anon and for inviting me to brainrot about Tokyo Babylon <3.

[johns-prince]

in your Fem!Paul Au Does John ever Accidentally Yell at one of the Kids if so What does Paula/Pauline Do

Oh, me and @apollyodon have written about this when it comes to the fankids.

Side tangent ! While it's obviously all fiction and AU, I don't think John would be any closer to perfect as a parent, even with Paul. Lots of issues, lots of baggage he'd need to work through before I could say with utmost sincerity that John should have been a parent.

That being said, I do genuinely believe Paul was, in a roundabout way, a very good influence to John's perspective on children, how one can be with around them (John watching Paul with his son, Julian) I think Paul could have definitely helped and guided John as a parent, but, in the end, Paul, or Pauline, would be the quote-unquote, "better parent" out of the two. I don't think this needs expanding on, I feel like we all get what I mean by this.

Like, my mom was the better parent, my dad tried, but she was definitely the most present and nurturing of the two—that isn't to say my dad didn't love us, but he was lacking as a parent, as a father, in many ways.

That's how I see John and Paul, or more specifically in this AU, John and Pauline, as parents together. John can grow, John can be better, John can because it's fiction and an AU and I'm writing it, but I truly believe in my heart, John could have been a very good father, and definitely had his moments of being a good father.

While I think he could've gotten better, with Paul as a partner and teacher when it came to kiddos, plus not having the blatant substance abuse, John still would be John: imperfect, a little awkward with kids, still has a temper, not as patient as Paul definitely is...

Okay, side tangent over, John is free to discipline the kids verbally, but if he screams or unnecessarily snaps at the kids by losing his temper and patience, enough to cause tears or the kids getting frightened of him, and Pauline is *around*, she wouldn't hesitate to step in. It could potentially turn into a argument between the two, depending on how angry, unreasonable, and defensive John might be in the moment. Pauline might overlook, justify, and withstand John's temperament and tearing into unsuspecting adults, but not with the kids, not with their kids.

Pauline often expects John to make it up to the kids, or the kid, he yelled and snapped at, and while openly apologizing is encouraged... It's understandable, if John can merely go about showing how sorry he is, if that's what it takes.

Basically, if it happens while Pauline is around, or she ends up learning about it, John has put himself in the theoretical doghouse. Rightly deserved.

[whaleji]

girlblogging like kafka ; entry 4

unproductive day. did nothing except go out to eat in the evening and hate myself. my screen time is through the roof and i'd be lying if i said that didn't make me at least a tiny bit ashamed. had to withdraw some cash at 11 pm tonight, loved the feeling of walking by myself for barely five minutes and having a guy try to prey on me. i really dislike men. and by that i mean that i really dislike individuals that are socialized as men as the patriarchy recognizes it. i wish my body didn't prevail over my soul. but even with the patriarchy abolished it'd still be the case. differently, but my body would still act as a more recognized id card for my soul than my actual words and actions would to most people.

had some henna done, it looks amazing. it spirals and twirls around like snakes on my skin. i'm so tired. i wish i could just melt into the back of my brain and observe as my body goes through the motions of life while i'm watching it like it's a movie. i don't have the energy to do anything. except sometimes i do. life is so complicated. to be fair, i'm already watching life unfurl before my eyes as it is, except i have to take action and feel the consequences of my poor reasoning when i do tune out. my take is that i should either be completely dissociated from the world or not at all. how fair is it otherwise ?

i wish i could be the paper on the wall or the lamps on the ceiling or the frames on the ground or that spoon that was lost two years ago and that calmly sits behind a piece of furniture. i wish i could be unmoving and unthinking and i wish i could just be. i wish for a lot of things i'll never attain. got interviewed for a job today and didn't make it. I've been trying to find work for three months now, to no avail. my patience is thinning along with the time left before uni starts again. it makes me want to scream and rip my nails off and eat them and open up my belly with a knife to retrieve them and pierce the eyes of all the bosses of the world with them. why is it so hard to find work when i most need it ? i'd do anything, but even McDonald's won't have me. is it me ? is it me who's not good enough ? is it me who should try harder ? is it me ? is it me ?

i know i'm lazy and phlegmatic of temperament, most of it is due to a sort of butterfly effect that starts with dissociation turning into staying home most of the time to cope with having to deal with life to not being used to actually do other things than just lie in bed reading. that also goes for basically anything else that you can only learn through direct experience, like social interactions. i only know how to interact with people my age thanks to school, but i don't know how to interact with strangers outside of specific contexts thanks to all this time zoning out with my headphones, i don't know how to interact with family thanks to all those family reunions i skipped or spent reading on my phone. except now it's too late to learn. i'm too old to learn. too aged for my inadequacy to be looked upon with indulgent eyes. and yet i'm nothing but a child whose body kept growing and growing and growing while she remained a 9 year old girl that no one wants to play with at recess.

i'm tired of being mocked. i don't know how to make the difference between real and imagined mockery. it makes no sense to me that people would do this. it's so painful, how could it bring anyone any kind of pleasure being the bearer of such hurt and humiliation ? i feel like people mock me or dislike me because they somehow feel i'm not as most others are, that my colours are faded. like i'm from the twilight zone. i want to open the floor and slip into it and close it back up behind me. i want to live under the floorboards and stay here indefinitely. until i'm healed. until i feel ready to crawl back into society and to act as everyone wants me to : as someone that's aware of societal norms and customs, that has energy to spend into others and into work, that's actually there and not just trying their best to pretend they are.

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

Mar. 29, 2023

It was only a matter of time before it happened again, I suppose...

Patience collapsed the Forge.  This is the third time I've had to rebuild it.  But it's definitely the first time it rained flaming debris down on the Dream World.

We took in as many penitents as possible, and remanded Patience and his wife to a secluded unit where they could be kept under guard.

As this comes on the heels of a breakdown for me, I was overwhelmed by everything going on.  Patience, C, the sundered Forge, and a random monkey clamoring to meet an astral guide.

I'm not making that up.  It's too silly to make up.

Fortitude heard BG telling a story of an encounter she'd had with the Monkey King, Sun Wukong, and how he'd been badgering her and challenging her for her epithet, Warrior of the Ages.  Apparently she had ignored him until he attacked her... and then she let him have it.  It took about three different instances to properly put him in his place, which apparently ended him up in the Forge.

And when the Forge crumbled, guess who got him!  That's right!  This gal!

So, with a deep breath, I started delegating.

I sent Phobetor to continue the mission debriefing he had planned on doing last night (before all this shit went down), sent Zoe to bind Patience and spouse with ropes I made myself, texted Maya to take Timingila to Muspelheim to start cleaning up the mess, and told Ingrid to bring me the damn monkey.

Sun Wukong recognized me as Guanyin, and stated quite plainly that he didn't appreciate being treated like an annoyance (although he is annoying).  We talked for awhile, catching up over my (relatively) new incarnation and his recent exploits.

When I asked why he was trying to challenge BG for her title, he said that given his lengthy resume, it would be preposterous that anyone but he should have that epithet.  I'll admit that made me laugh.  "Well, then!  It's just as fair that I should have two epithets!  Maybe three!"  Which... I do!  "There's a time and place to challenge a guide for their epithet, Sun Wukong.  Besides that, in doing it to satisfy your ego, you gain nothing...not even an inch of ground."

He harrumphed and folded his arms sulkily.

I allowed him a reprieve from his embarrassment.  "However, perhaps you can gain some ground with me."  I invited him on a walk down the Bifrost to Muspelheim (which he moaned and groaned about), and while we walked, I asked him why he thought Betelgeuse had earned the title of Warrior of the Ages.

"The ceaseless bloodlust and never-ending search to hone her battle intelligence to perfection?" he asked.  Honestly, he makes her out to be a berserker or something.

I sputtered.  "Clearly you don't know her."  And so I educated him.  "The suffix 'of the Ages' refers to anyone who embodies the pursuit of their experience and expertise into the infinite.  So, for Warrior of the Ages, it's not bloodlust.  It's the mindset, the discipline, the craft... the fighting itself is merely a single facet of her study.  How could she take an opponent seriously when you do not acknowledge the demands of the very epithet you challenge her for?"

"I've had demanding teachers," he mumbled.  "I'm no stranger to hardship, Guanyin.  You know this."

"Did BG consent to be your teacher?" I asked.  "Or did you badger her for your 'rightful place' until she put you in it?"  I started repairing the Forge along with my dear fire Jotnar.

Sun Wukong swung an arm in front of him.  "She smacked me through a few planets.  I couldn't tell if she was engaging of declining the challenge."

"I'm going to say that was not an invitation."  I turned and bent down toward him.  "Here's a hint: she likes good wine and stargazing.  She has the most arid sense of humor and a surprisingly even temperament.  She'll be far more receptive (as will most guides) if you ask her advice, rather than challenge her at the first chance you get."

He asked if I knew where she was, but my reply was to be patient and let her come around when she feels like it.  The interim would give him time to challenge a few other preconceptions.

"Conflict is not just about war," I said.  "And a real warrior knows their way around various forms of combat; even verbal ones.  After all, resolution is a handy skill for any warrior."

While we rebuilt the forge, I told him the story of how Odin, in his hubris, challenged an astral guide and died.  In his quest for infinite knowledge and conquest, he challenged the natural order... and Nature fought back.

When he asked if there was no purifying Odin of his corruption, I shook my head.  "The flames took him," I explained.  "It's the same with anyone who enters the Forge; those who emerge have been purified.  Those who don't... well... their influence has been cleansed from the cosmos."

As soon as repairs are done, I'll hopefully be putting Patience and C back in there.

[charliedawn]

Slasher with a s/o who ignores them to do work?

Five :

Five wouldn't mind. He knows that your job is important and wouldn't want to disturb you. However, he will wait for you outside the door and walk back and forth, waiting for you to finish. But, if he thinks that you're working too much ? He would just kick down the door and take your hand to walk with him. He knows that you have work, but he hates being ignored.

Freddy :

"Look at me. Look at me. I said, LOOK AT ME !"

Freddy hates being ignored and would annoy the hell out of you until he's got your full attention. Nothing is more annoying than a bored Freddy. He would stare at you and use your deep concentration to his advantage to..let's say, cause mayhem. If you don't give him attention, there is nothing that he wouldn't do. You'll find Jason's mask glued to his face, or Arthur coming out of the bathroom with pink hair..Freddy is work on his own.

Brahms :

He's a good boy. He wouldn't disturb you and only look at you from afar, happy to just watch you work. He finds it soothing, a moment of silence where he can just stay with you. Also, sometimes, he would sit you on his lap so he can cuddle you while you work. (or, if you're strong enough, sit on your lap) He's a big distraction. But, he wouldn't be as annoying as some of the other slashers.

Arthur :

"I'm bored."

He wouldn't be afraid to tell you straight away. Also, it depends on his mood. If he is in an understanding mood ? He will leave you be to get your work done. If he is in a playful mood ? He'll try to make you lose your concentration by tickling you or blow softly behind your ear. This is why you should probably make sure he is not bored before starting to work.

Hedwig :

Never. And I mean, NEVER let Hedwig in the room when you work. He will do everything to get your attention. Literally everything. He will put his music full blast, tickle you to death, dance and even set fire to your papers if you aren't careful. Out of all the personalities, he is the energetic one and also the most stubborn. He will not leave you be and will continue to act badly until he finally has your undivided attention. This is why, when you want to be left alone ? Lock yourself in. And, even then ? I doubt it'll stop him.

Jason :

Poor baby is too shy to ask for anything. He would just stay there and fidget nervously, trying to find a way to tell you that he wants to spend time with you. He knows that your work is important, and he doesn't want to disturb you, but..He doesn't like to be ignored either. In extreme circumstances, he would simply pick you up and run away with you in his arms, just so he can spend some time with you. But, as I said, it's only in extreme circumstances. Most of the time, he'll just wait patiently for you to finish.

Michael :

Never bored. He is patience incarnate. The man would just settle comfortably on his sofa and read a book, waiting patiently for you to finish. He understands that you need time alone to take care of your responsibilities. He's actually the only slasher that would actually be able to help ? Or, at least try.

Penny :

"PLAY WITH ME !"

Needy Penny is naughty Penny. He hates being ignored, even more than any of the other slashers. He could even become violent and uncontrollable sometimes. Don't forget that he is still a very impulsive being that doesn't take no for an answer. He also has the temperament of a child. This is why there's Pennywise. Pennywise usually senses when he's going full beast mode and is the one that stops him.

"Jeez Penny ! Get a hold of yourself, stupid !"

Penny always listens to him, even when he's mad. But, Penny is not going to act in such a way if he's in water. This is why you usually try to do most of the paperwork when he's in the swimming pool.

Pennywise :

Are you really leaving him unsupervised ? Nah..If you do, you would end up with chaos and a lot more work than you originally had. Little advice ? Never leave him alone with Freddy..Actually, it makes me think of something I heard on the internet at some point:

"In my defense, you left me unsupervised."

"You're a grown a** adult !"

"And you left me unsupervised !"

That would absolutely fit Pennywise's reaction if you..let's say..find the walls covered in blood and most of the members of staff floating in the air.

[magnoliabloomfield]

Garden of Heathen

Chapter 1- Box Day

It was Newbie day in the garden, a day that was exciting but also gave Aussie a lot of anxiety. Every month the box brought up someone, a girl who needed a lot of help, and Aussie liked to help. But she never knew who the box was bringing up. Was this girl going to be an angry one? A scared one? A crying one? They all needed different things from her and the quicker she figured out what that was, the better it went for everyone.

Luckily she was pretty good at that, at least, she was better at it than the other girls in the Garden. Despite being able to read people well and act accordingly, Aussie always felt like she was the only one who didn't fit in.

Her jobs in the Garden rotated between tending to the gardening, taking care of the animals, cooking, and mending clothes. She wanted to try her hand at building but didn't understand the angles and supports well enough to make anything structurally sound, so she settled on making things pretty. Most girls in the Garden thought it was a waste of time, but never tried to discourage her from doing it, mostly because it kept her busy and not bugging them. Plus, she was the first one the girls bonded with after coming out of the box, so there was a begrudging fondness they had for her.

Thena was one of the few that actually valued Aussie's talents, mostly because she took care of all the Newbies. Thena knew it was an essential thing to do, she just didn't have the patience or temperament for it herself. She allowed Aussie to doodle around the garden as she wished if it meant they got a well trained newbie out of it each month. Plus, whenever a girl did crack up or break down, Aussie could usually mother them back into shape when that's what they needed.

Aussie sat in her chair a few feet from the box holding her potato sack parasol to protect her from the sun. She slapped a mosquito off her arm and sneezed.

"Ready to play house, Mom?" Thena asked as she came up behind her.

"Ready as ever, Daddy-O" Aussie replied with a sniffle. She always felt miserable when the grass bloomed.

"Have you been eating the honey?" Thena asked, noticing her symptoms.

"I forgot," Aussie admitted. "I got too wrapped up in getting things ready for the newbie."

"Dang it, Aussie!" Thena chastised her, stepping around to look at the pale and scrawny girl before her. "You need to take care of yourself, even half as much as the newbies, you snit."

"Mm, thanks," Aussie mumbled, impressed with level of empathy she received, and turned back to stare at the box.

Thena shook her head and looked away, wiping the sweat from her dark brow with the hand not grasping her spear. She didn't understand why pleas and reminders for her to take care of herself were met with such disregard. Especially when she proved she was fully capable of taking care of other people. You'd think Aussie would take excellent care of herself.

"Why does it feel late today?" Thena asked as she checked the sun's position in the sky.

"I know right," Aussie agreed. "I hate it, I don't know when that stupid alarm is gonna go off. Scares the crap out of me everytime as is."

"Even though you just sit there waiting for it everytime?" Thena asked, putting her hand on her hip.

"Yeah. Go figure."

Thena stood there in silence for a couple moments, both girls staring off toward the box like it might do something different for the first time in three years.

"Well, good luck with that," Thena said before turning on her heel and heading back to the shade.

She saw Gertie, seemingly the youngest girl in the garden even though she'd been there 7 months in total. She was almost as soft as Aussie, though she had no issue with dissecting any body that life had vacated to see how it worked. Luckily she used what she learned to help anyone sick or injured, so everyone learned to deal with her morbid tendencies.

"Gertie, take Aussie some water please, it's getting hot out there," Thena instructed.

Gertie nodded her messy mop of golden curls and immediately dropped what she was doing to follow her new orders. She sure didn't learn that from Aussie.

Little Gertie cleaned her hands and grabbed a clean mason jar. After filling it with drinking water she bounded over to Aussie on her little wooden throne. Thena may have been the leader in the Garden, but to Gertie, Aussie was Queen. The difference seemed to her that Thena cared about what everyone was doing and Aussie cared about what everyone was feeling. That's why every month she sat out there risking sunburn and mosquito bites and getting itchy in the grass to be first to meet the newbies.

"Here's some water," Gertie panted.

"Oh, thank you!" Aussie smiled, pleasantly surprised before taking a drink.

"It's late today," Gertie observed.

"I noticed," Aussie nodded. "Any minute though."

Aussie went to take another drink when the alarm went off, startling her. The glass hit her teeth, pinching a bit of her lip in between, and water splashed up her nose.

"Gahl," she groaned, wiping her face. "Showtime."

She set the water and her umbrella down before getting up and making her way over to the box, Thena and the rest of the guards jogged up behind her. They were the biggest and strongest girls, usually they were the builders everyday but box day. They would unload the supplies and restrain the angrier newbies if need be. Thena had taken Aussie's suggestion and made it a rule that everyone hang back till they could talk to the newbie, just so she wasn't overwhelmed.

The doors slid open and Aussie squinted through the mesh of the box. She blinked extra hard to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. She was just about to realize that the box had in fact done something different for the first time in three years.

"Athena," she scream-whispered as she smacked the other girls arm repeatedly. "Is that what I think it is?"

The two girls exchanged glances before each grabbing a gate and throwing the top open.

"Holy snit!" Aussie tried to squeal quietly to herself, she didn't want to alarm the other girls waiting behind them.

"Wait!" Thena tried to grab her arm but she had already hopped down into the box. She motioned for the two strongest girls to approach.

They watched Aussie crouched over a body, one that looked a lot bigger than any girl before. Finally Aussie looked back up at them, exposing the newbies face.

"It's a freaking boy!" She announced, her blue eyes shining with amazement and a smile lit her face.

Sure, she had wondered a few times 'what if? What if the box ever delivered boys?' But for three years it hadn't, so it had just been a fanciful daydream till now.

Thena didn't understand why Aussie seemed excited about this strange new development, it was horrible news.

"Tell the rest of the guards to get over here, and tell Lanie to keep all the other girls the hell away from the box," she ordered one of the guards who nodded and went off to do it.

"Do you think they made a mistake?" Joan asked Thena as she kept posted by the box with her.

"I have no idea," Thena admitted with a shrug as she held her spear at the ready, her eyes not leaving Aussie as she stayed crouched over the boy, staring at him.

"Do you think if we leave him in the box they'll take him back?" Joan continued as the other guards arrived, hushed gasps leaving their mouths.

"We need our supplies though," Thena pointed out. "He might wake up before we unload everything then we're shanked."

"We could put him in the pit, unload, then put him back," Joan suggested.

As those two talked about getting rid of him, Aussie was lost to the rest of the world. She was trying to take in every detail of the first boy she could or would ever remember seeing.

His hair was reddish blond and very short, and his skin was light with just hints of freckles. His eyes were deep set and he had full lips. He was wearing a rust colored shirt with buttons up at the collar and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing thick forearms. Aussie reached her hand out and hovered it over his, seeing that it was much, much larger. She wondered why he hadn't woken up yet and gently pressed her fingers to his neck to check for a pulse. Heart was beating.

Even asleep he looked unhappy. Aussie glanced down at the rest of him as a small uneasy feeling began to grow in her chest. He was big. And not just that, he looked strong too.

"Well, is he alive?" Thena asked her, feeling impatient.

"Um," Aussie startled at her voice, her fingers pulling quickly away from the boys neck and swiveling to look up at Thena. "Yeah, he's alive. You know what, I think I should get out of the box before he-"

She was cut off by a gasp as the boy suddenly jerked awake. She turned back to look at him but he was already screaming, louder than any she'd heard before, and once she'd turned she was greeted with that massive hand she'd just admired wrapped tightly around her neck like it was a bean can, and flung onto her back. Her hands flew up to grab his wrist, which she couldn't even wrap her own hand around, as he loomed over her.

Everyone but her was yelling now. The boy was yelling at her demanding to know where he was, the guards were yelling at him to let her go. She could see the fear beneath his anger, like a caged animal as he looked up at all the spears pointed at him now.

Thena moved to were she could impale him without injuring Aussie too and took aim. Even as everything was going white and fuzzy around the edges, Aussie saw her and risked more pressure on her throat by releasing his wrist to wave at Thena to back down. Thena looked down at the girl like she was crazy, and then Aussie's eyes started rolling backwards. Thena had enough and hopped down into the box with a yell, hitting the boy hard over the back instead. He went limp, his huge body engulfing little Aussie beneath him.

"Gertie!!" Thena cried loudly as she tried to push the boy off of Aussie.

Joan hopped down beside her and helped till he was on his side by Aussie. Gertie's blond mop blocked the sunlight and signaled her arrival.

"Get down here and help Aussie!" She demanded.

Gertie hopped down beside her and looked at the boy with wide eyes.

"Hey!" Thena snapped. "Help Aussie! Help her!"

Gertie swallowed hard and looked down at Aussie. Girls had attacked her before, but it was usually a disoriented and poorly aimed hit or scratch, the occasional hair grab, but nothing like this. She'd never lost consciousness before and it scared Gertie. She checked for a pulse and it was there but barely. She put her ear to Aussies mouth but didn't feel or hear any breathing. She began to give her mouth to mouth, nervously making the compressions as she was well aware how thin and fragile Aussie was.

After the second compression Aussie drew a shuddering breath and the girls released the ones they'd been holding in a sigh of relief. Aussie was breathing with a bit of a wheeze and her eyelids flickered.

"I should roll her on her side to keep any liquid from going in her lungs," Gertie informed Thena as she began to roll her the only direction they could, toward the boy.

Her head was throbbing, her pulse pounding in her ears along with the muffled, far away sound of voices. As the blinding white light started to fade, Aussie saw him again, their faces close together. She could make out his pale eyelashes before he was lifted out of her sight, his head lolling backwards as the girls hauled him up by the arms.

"Put him in the pit," Thena hoarsely instructed Joan, not taking her eyes off Aussie. "And you don't have to do it nicely."

Masterlist

@frequentlychangingfandoms @quackquackbi @sweetseunghyun-poulter @crazysheeplyca @pre-google @gladerscake @neilox @thesuitkovian @carp3d1em @cottoncandy-dreamxd @emilyhadenbaker @a-ravenclaw-into-tardis-221b @shardsofstarlight @piscesgvancouverite @tooty-fruity

I can’t remember which ones of you in the tags have read this on my Wattpad or AO3, so if you don’t want tagged in these let me know.

[prof-peach]

Hello professor!

I run a research and rehabilitation center for Ghost types, and I'm somewhat perplexed by a shiny phantump which has recently come into my care.

According to the ranger base that sent him my way he was rejected by his mother, likely due to his coloration, and found entirely alone. Rare in ghost types as they tend to form strong attachments, but sadly not unheard of. Now, introducing pokemon who have never known others of their own kind can be a nightmare (Gastly, for example, tend to mistake the smog released by others for food) but I've never had too much trouble with phantump.

Until this little guy, that is. He has adamantly refused to play with the other phantump, instead clinging to me like a baby komala and wanting to be carried everywhere. Not unusual for insecure phantump, but he seemed entirely unresponsive to my usual techniques for building confidence. After bribing him with some treats and getting my gengar to translate, he confessed to being extremely insecure about his appearance.

I'm unsure if this was brought on by overhearing the rangers theorizing about why he was abandoned, but he's acutely aware that he doesn't look like the other phantump. The little guy is, understandably, terrified of being rejected again, and his social anxiety is through the roof. I've since begin socializing him with some shuppet, and the calmest and most secure phantump in my grove on a one-on-one basis. My local pokemon center has alsi provided me with a mineral powder that I apply to his bark, which makes it look browner and also helps protect against fungal infections.

This has helped him come out of his shell a little, but he's still terribly insecure about his red leaves. I'm reaching out to you as I am, embarrassingly, not very familliar with grass types. I've been told that, as the forests they dwell in are so dark, they don't need to photosynthezise to remain healthy. Still, I'm definitely hesitant to let him simply cover up his leaves. Is there something that could be applied to them, like "hair dye" essentially, that would be safe for my little guy to use until I can build his confidence up to where he's comfortable with his natural splendor?

Alrighty! So this is suuuuper common, shiny Pokemon can feel quite alienated at times for their colourations and general demeanour. For this particular case I’d advise you do a couple things to settle their nerves, some easy, some perhaps a little more tricky.

So, let’s start easy, the foliage is red, this is not only common in some shiny Pokemon, but also in some variant Pokemon, AND actual plants. Where you are, you may have limited access naturally to plants that are red pigmented. Go to a garden centre or nursery, splash a bit of cash and get some seeds, plants, shrubs and trees that are red. Plant them in an adequate accessible area that the phantump can get to with ease. You can find photinia, Berberis, acers, ivy, heuchera, hibiscus, even hazels which will give you nuts for yourself and Pokemon to enjoy come autumn. The red pigment is common, and we find proving this, even in plant form to Pokemon who are also uncommonly red, makes them begin to see their colour as a more normal and acceptable thing. This space will also give them a safe zone where they feel capable of camouflage, and this will instil a sense of security in them, even if they don’t first notice it straight away. Ask the garden centre workers for help should you not know where to plant certain things, or what would suit your location specifically, but there’s a lot to be said about a good old fashioned google, should you feel a little lost about the needs these plants may need.

This red zone seems trivial perhaps, but we’ve studied the effects this has on Pokemon with the very same issue you’re dealing with, and when given the choice, they go and hang out in the red plants far more than the green ones, should they share the same pigments. It helps individuals feel safe, and shows them that red isn’t bad, it’s just different to green, but equally functional, beautiful and capable.

NOW here’s the harder job that will help them gain some serious confidence, but is sure fire with time and patience.

You need to find an organisation, breeder, wild group, or trainer who also has a Pokemon with red pigments. Shiny Pokemon are rare but variants are far easier to find, and you can find red colourations in many grass types, ranging from Bulbasaur through to Eldegoss, and everything in between. The only criteria necessary for this to work for the phantump, is that the helper Pokemon need to be ok with youngsters, ie non hostile, and confident in themselves. There is endless research, countless papers, and a million studies, all proving that putting a Pokemon who is typically different but nervous about that, with others who are different but confident, will boost the nervous pokemons confidence tenfold given time. Many grass specialists exist around the various regions, so get on the internet or ask at local Pokemon centres and the likes, see what you can find close by, and organise socialising sessions for the phantump to mix with these other red pigment Pokemon. This whole process will take anything up to a year or two, just continuous care, repetition, and mixing with social confident Pokemon like themselves.

I’ll say right now, this is harder with phantump, ghost Pokemon can be a little more nervous, sometimes skittish, so y’all just need some patience with them, it’s hard to feel like you’re different from those around you, so put yourself in their shoes and just take things one day at a time.

I will also offer our labs services should you struggle to find somewhere local, we can make room for the little fella should you have no other options, though it is best to keep them in a location they feel more comfortable with, at least at the start. They’d have a chance to meet not only a huge number of other Pokemon who are red pigmented, but also we have one other shiny phantump in our care who has no issue with his physical appearance thanks to exactly the methods I’ve suggested above. Once they’ve gained confidence we would return them to your care, with a far more robust outlook on life.

With this in mind, weigh out your options, and try to show them others like themselves, be them plant or Pokemon, who have a bit more confidence to pass on words of wisdom, support, and company. This issue can indeed be resolved, it just can be a little tricky if you’re new to this species temperament when they feel isolated or self conscious like yours does. Covering up who they are is a temporary fix, and will not install long term confidence in themselves, dyes for plant matter are a little dangerous when over used, and can damage leaves and healthy growth, we don’t advise it in grass types too much to avoid damaging their soft squishy parts.

Good luck and hopefully you can find more just like them, to show them that it’s ok to be red, it’s not unusual, or wrong, and plenty of things have that pigmentation.

[clowncollectr]

Arknights - I want to see you. I need to see you. (Liang Xun / Lee) - Chapter 3

Rating: G

Word Count: 4561 (this chapter), 14804 (whole story)

Summary: Following the recent events in Shangshu, Liang Xun decides to visit Lungmen to properly give Lee his thanks and apologize for the trouble he's caused him. It's his first time visiting Lungmen, but he quickly finds that he's known in every corner of the city, despite never having visited before.

AO3 Link

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

__________

Chapter 3: I don't want to bother you.

Jaye was right about their destination not being far. Liang Xun didn’t even have time to drift into his own thoughts or start a conversation before the tired-looking Ursus man stopped in front of what looked like a small apartment building. Jaye didn’t bother going into said building and was instead simply standing outside and looking at the entrance. Liang Xun had learned not to prematurely ask questions by now, and his patience was rewarded when a young Feline woman stepped outside the building. It only took a glance for him to confirm his suspicions. A mix of orange and white everywhere with black stripes and the look of a fighter. There was no mistake that this young woman was Huai Tianpei’s daughter. When she spotted Jaye and Liang Xun, a small smile appeared on her face as she called out to them and walked over.

��Jaye! You didn’t have to come all the way here. I said I’d visit your stall right after, didn’t I? Oh, who’s this person you’ve brought with you?”

She turned to face Liang Xun, bowed, and then straightened back up to extend a hand in greeting.

“Nice to meet you, sir. I’m Waai Fu, a university student that also works part time at a nearby detective agency.”

Liang Xun was slightly taken aback by the young woman’s very proper greeting. He had half-expected her to have the same temperament as her father. Despite his surprise, he reached out to shake her hand, noting how despite how much younger she was, she certainly shared her father’s strength. He was relieved to see that his introduction to her was an amicable one so far. However, as Liang Xun was shaking Waai Fu’s hand, Jaye spoke.

“This is Liang Xun. Mr. Liang says he’s a friend of your boss and he’s looking for him right now.”

Suddenly, Liang Xun began to feel a crushing pain around his fingers. The handshake he was given a few seconds ago could be described as strong and firm. But currently, it felt as if the other party was trying to defeat their opponent. Fortunately, poor Liang Xun’s hand survived to live another day as Waai Fu immediately let go a few seconds after, looking embarrassed. Liang Xun suppressed the urge to rub his hand, which was currently throbbing in pain, so as to not alarm the young lady. The atmosphere had turned awkward and the three stood in silence for a little bit, with each person waiting for someone else to speak up. Eventually it was Jaye who broke the silence if only to point it out.

“Huh? Why have you two gone quiet all of a sudden? Do you know each other?”

Waai Fu laughed sheepishly and Liang Xun certainly didn’t miss the way her shoulders had tensed up. She has the disciplined posture of a martial arts fighter, exactly like her father. But Liang Xun has seen Huai when he was nervous, especially during their childhood when he got into lots of trouble. It was clear to him that she was feeling some sort of discomfort. Despite what her body language said, Waai Fu indicated the opposite with her words.

“Ahaha…Don’t mind that. I’m very sorry if I hurt you with that handshake just now Uncle Liang. Just, um, surprised to hear a familiar name is all.”

“So you two do know each other?”

Waai Fu turned to Jaye to correct him.

“Uncle Liang is a family friend. He grew up with Mr. Lee and my dad. Anyway, I’m sorry again Uncle Liang if I hurt you.”

Waai Fu bowed down again, this time as an apology. It amused Liang Xun a little. In many ways, she was so alike yet so different from her father. Once, during his younger days, Huai had pounced on him in an attempt to surprise him. And when Liang Xun complained about the pain of being hit by someone with a body like Huai’s, the other man only laughed and told him he needed to train more. Well, in the current situation, he is this person’s senior. So perhaps she was just being respectful. Although it didn’t really matter to him. He was more worried about the reason she gave for her actions. According to her words, the reason for her actions is that she was surprised. But isn’t aggression quite an odd instinctive response to surprise? Even now, her shoulders were tense and she was struggling to make eye contact with him. Just what has Lee told her about him to get this kind of reaction?

“Since you two are introduced now, I have to go back to my stall. Master Lin is watching it right now. Don’t forget what I said before about visiting my stall again with boss Lee, Mr. Liang. Take care.”

They waved goodbye to Jaye who walked off in the same direction he had come from earlier. Liang Xun took Jaye’s words about visiting his stall again to heart. The young man always has a rough expression on his face, and one’s initial impression of him might be that he was a bad-tempered trouble maker. But he had treated Liang Xun so politely and even went out of his way to help him. Liang Xun was getting a little worried about his ever-increasing list of debts that he needed to repay. He suppressed his worries for now. Besides, all he needed to do was visit Jaye’s stall again with Lee. With the quality of his food, it could hardly be considered repaying a debt.

After that, Waai Fu politely informed Liang Xun that there was no use trying to find Lee at the moment. The man was simply moving around too often today for them to have any hope of catching up. Instead, she suggested they walk back to the agency office and wait there until dinner time, when Lee was likely to return from his errands. Liang Xun should have felt relieved at the prospect of his search and small journey being over, but there was one matter that bothered him. After telling him all of this, Waai Fu had told him to follow her before going completely silent. The situation was not the same as with Jaye, who only needed to lead him for a couple minutes down the street. Liang Xun remembers how far away he had wandered from the agency, and so the awkward silence between the two of them began to hang in the air like an uncomfortable presence. It continued that way for at least ten minutes until Liang Xun could no longer bear it and decided to directly ask what he was thinking.

“Waai Fu. Could it be that you have a poor impression of me somehow? You haven’t spoken to me for quite a while now.”

The ears on the young Feline twitched upon hearing the question. But Waai Fu’s words remained calm and respectful.

“Nonsense. We haven’t seen each other in so long. What would I have to be angry about?” It would have been nice if that was the case, but Liang Xun could tell that something was clearly wrong. He’d rather address it now than let the problem get worse.

“I appreciate the sentiment. But I’m not completely ignorant of another person’s body language. You’ve been tense for awhile now, and it’s like you’ve been keeping your true thoughts guarded ever since you heard my name. If it’s something you’ve heard about me or something I’ve done, I only wish you’d tell me so I can make amends.”

Waai Fu shook her head and kept her fast pace so that she remained walking ahead of the person behind her. She was grateful that it kept her face hidden.

“It’s not my business. I don’t know enough to pass any judgment so…” Waai Fu said, trailing off.

“If it troubles you this much, I think it may very well be your business.”

Upon hearing those words, Waai Fu stopped. Liang Xun followed suit but remained behind her, giving her the opportunity to speak her mind. She remained silent for a while, until suddenly, she did a complete turn and crossed her arms. She raised her voice and let the emotion spill forth from her words, like a dam that had finally broken.

“I’m not exactly sure what happened back there in Shangshu, but several weeks ago Uncle Lee seemed the happiest he’d ever been when he said he was going to visit you. All he told us was that he got a letter saying his friend needed him and he promised us that he would return in a week with gifts. But when he got back, his mood was totally different! He looked so tired. He tries to act normal, but he doesn’t even have the energy to crack the same stupid jokes he always does. And whenever we tell him to do something, he never complains. He just silently gets up and does what we asked. What the hell is up with that?! I also didn’t miss how he started drinking alcohol alone at night sometimes. He only ever drinks when he’s with a friend or a client. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I know it has something to do with YOU. Because out of everything about his trip to Shangshu, YOU’RE the only topic he keeps avoiding. YOU’RE the reason he even went there. Weren’t YOU supposed to look after him??? I know Mr. Lee behaves strangely sometimes, but he would never wrong anyone. I don’t think that whatever happened could be his fault. So if you did something to make him act this way, then…then…”

Waai Fu let down her arms. She clenched her fists to her side before closing her eyes and further raising her voice in anger.

“I won’t forgive you!”

After saying all this, Waai Fu’s breathing became heavy and she was practically heaving. She stood in place and glared at the person in front of her for what seemed like an eternity. When the adrenaline from her rant wore off, she stumbled backwards, horrified. She thought that when she said all of this, she would feel shame. Remorse. Regret. Maybe even a little satisfaction. Then, the right thing to do after would be to apologize. But she didn’t feel any of those things and she didn’t want to apologize at all. She only felt angry. Angry that she didn’t know anything. Angry that there was nothing she could do to help without causing that person more trouble.

Liang Xun was stunned silent. He’s just received so much information all at once. And it sent his mind into turmoil. But he knew he needed to say something back. Some form of acknowledgement, even if it wasn’t what the other person wanted to hear. So he bowed his head slightly, looked this person in the eyes, and said.

“I'm sorry. The reason I’m here is actually to apologize to him and to make amends.”

Obviously there was more to it now. But he needed time to get his thoughts in order. At the start of the day, he only felt that it would be nice if he could see Lee as soon as possible. But things were different now. The anxieties inside his heart which previously settled there like a stagnant pool had transformed into a spreading miasma. He needed to see Lee now .

Waai Fu turned around and started walking again, not accepting Liang Xun’s apology nor even acknowledging his words. And to his immense relief and gratitude, she did not say anything when he continued to follow.

The rest of the journey back to the office was uneventful. Complete silence. But unlike before, Liang Xun was grateful for it this time. It gave him time to recollect his thoughts. He’d learned so much about his friend today. Way more than he’s learned in the last few years ever since they reconnected after losing touch with each other. He had always thought that Lee and him had gone their separate ways. There may have been a future where they were working side by side, but it was Lee who chose to disappear and carve out a new life. When Liang Xun was finally able to reach him, he was overjoyed that he could reunite with his old friend. But he also knew it was more appropriate to keep his distance. After all, Lee had made a new name for himself in Lungmen, built a new life out of nothing. Surely, he’d forged new relationships by then, some probably even stronger than the one that existed between the two of them. Their past tied them together, but by the time they reunited, their present lives had already diverged. He also didn’t want Lee’s past, which Liang Xun was a part of, tying the man down too much. This was the reasoning Liang Xun gave to himself when he thought about how distant he and Lee had become. But now, he wonders if that was just an excuse. The carp obviously still cared a great deal about him. Rather than repairing the bridge between them, perhaps they both made the mistake of only trying to maintain what was left. Although right now, Liang Xun felt that he was the particularly guilty party at this time. It was clear from what he’d heard today that Lee thought about him often, while simultaneously being considerate of his busy career life. He felt that in return all he’s done recently is fail the other man on both accounts.

“We’re here”, Waai Fu said quietly.

Liang Xun looked up to see the same ordinary looking building and door that he’d faced earlier in the day. The sign posted on the door was still up, but it looked like this time, he would be allowed inside. Waai Fu took out a key similar to the one the feline boy with the curly hair had used. She opened the door and stepped inside with Liang Xun following right behind her.

“I’m home.”

Shortly after, two voices simultaneously responded, saying “Welcome back”. One belonged to the same young man Liang Xun met that morning who was currently lying on the couch, the one named Aak. The other sounded like a man’s voice and it came from a different room, but it was definitely not Lee’s voice. As Waai Fu and Liang Xun walked further into the building, the person sitting on the couch glanced up. He suddenly got off the couch and jumped to his feet, pointing at Liang Xun with an incredulous look on his face.

“What the-Why the hell is this guy back?”

“Back?” Waai Fu raised a brow at Aak in confusion.

“Yeah he was here this morning. I overheard that he was that Liang Xun guy so I told him to get lost. 

“You told Uncle Liang to get lost?”

“I didn’t say exactly that. He was looking for Lee, so I lied and told him I didn’t know where he was. Then I told him to go looking himself. I was hoping he'd get lost, like literally.”

“That’s even worse. Ugh, nevermind. You’re lucky he ran into me or Uncle Lee would have given you a good scolding once he found out.”

Liang Xun watched the conversation in front of him happen with mild amusement. He wasn’t particularly angry at having been lied to. Their impression of him definitely wasn’t good, but it was more his fault than theirs. He wasn’t the type of person who wallowed in their own shortcomings though. He preferred improving on them, and that’s exactly what he intends to do once the man of the hour returns. Strained relationships could be fixed with time as long as he put in the effort. He was just glad to see that Lee had people who were willing to go through such lengths to make sure he was always smiling.

“What’s with all the commotion? Oh, we have a guest at this hour?”

A fourth person entered the living room area they were all currently standing in. Liang Xun recognized it as the other male voice he had heard upon entering the house. He was finally able to put the voice to a face when a stocky looking Perro walked in holding a baking tray with what looked like various baked goods on it. It seemed that Aak and Waai Fu’s conversation had interrupted his baking. Although surprisingly, he looked like he was in a fairly good mood because he had a warm smile on his face.

“Hello, sir. I don’t think we’ve been acquainted before. My name is-”

“Hung, this is that Liang Xun guy I was telling you about.” Aak interrupted.

“Oh um…well, if he’s a friend of Mr. Lee’s, we should be good hosts until he comes back."

The Perro’s warm smile shifted a bit and there was a conflicted look that he was struggling to hide on his face, despite his demeanor remaining as polite as before. Just what did I do to make an enemy out of all the people close to Lee, Liang Xun thought with some distress.

The atmosphere was certainly stiff, but Hung didn’t lie about intending to be a good host. The Perro had offered him the red bean pastries on the tray he was holding, proudly announcing that they were fresh out of the oven. Even Waai Fu and Aak extended offers to prepare him a drink or change the channel on the television if he wanted. But past their hospitality, Liang Xun did not miss the way they all looked at him. They held the same expression and body language that Waai Fu had earlier when they were by the street. Like they really wanted to say something to him. This time it only took a few minutes before he had finally had enough of their scrutiny. People often held back their true thoughts from Liang Xun. Whether out of respect for his position or his seniority or something else, he always disliked it. A conversation where the other cannot speak as your equal will always be strained and less productive. He believed this wholeheartedly, and so he spoke to the three with sincerity.

“I know there’s something you want to ask me. Waai Fu has already informed me a bit about the situation and how it concerns Lee. I only wish the best for him too, so please speak your mind freely. I might be able to clear something up for you.”

The three turned their full attention towards Liang Xun with a look of surprise on their faces. At the mention of her name, Waai Fu shrank a bit, embarrassed at the mention of her earlier outburst. But there was one member of the agency who didn’t hesitate to immediately say what was on his mind.

“So what’d ya do to make him so sad all the time?” Aak bluntly asked.

“Sad…all the time?” Liang Xun wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to answer this question.

Hung noticed his confusion and tried his best to mediate.

“Lately Mr. Lee’s mood hasn't been so great ever since he returned from Shangshu around a month ago. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it, so we were wondering if you know anything.”

The Kuranta didn’t know where to start. For one thing, he wasn’t even exactly sure what had specifically caused the behavior they were referring to. But he remembers something Waai Fu mentioned earlier, about how Lee had refused to bring him up at all when recounting his journey to Shangshu. He decides to fill in the gaps for them, starting from the moment Lee set foot in his residence before he goes into detail about what transpired that night, making sure to leave out any confidential details that the young Lungmenites did not need to know. He talks about greeting Lee during his arrival and how he had hired a reputable boatman to guide Lee while he was in Shangshu. How the carp had arrived with his friends from Rhodes Island and the troubles he encountered on his way there. He mentions that before they went their separate ways, Lee had asked to drink with him and they reminisced about old times until Assistant Minister Ning Ciqiu arrived and Lee suddenly left in a hurry.

“Lowlife.” Aak muttered. Without saying anything, Waai Fu gave him a sturdy kick.

“Ow! What?! You heard him. He planned a date night around the same time his friend would be arriving and blew him off. That’s gotta be a major bro code violation. I blow people off all the time, but at least I tell them to their face in advance and don’t make them travel across the country for me. What is he, your mistress?”

“Aak, that’s no reason to antagonize our guest.” Hung scolded. “It’s entirely possible that he hadn’t anticipated Mr. Lee arriving on that day or that he’d be requesting to drink with him. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. But still, it does seem like Mr. Lee was pretty upset that night…”

This time it was Waai Fu who spoke up.

“Isn't it a bit too much of an overreaction though? Maybe Mr. Lee was upset but I doubt that it would cause him to be depressed for a whole month. We have to be missing something.”

Liang Xun agreed. Although now that Aak had reframed the situation to him, it was really ridiculous of him that he never apologized to Lee for that. Now that he thinks about it, it had been their first time meeting in person for quite awhile. Maybe he really offended Lee after the man realized that he had arranged other plans that night. If he placed himself in the other’s shoes, he would surely be upset if he traveled to someone’s home and was not even afforded the luxury of a drink with the host. At that time, Liang Xun had the weight of the world on his shoulders and could barely focus. So when Lee started acting the same as he always did the next time they spoke, he gladly assumed that the carp had forgiven him. But after hearing everything he’d heard about Lee today, maybe that man really was just too considerate of him. Liang Xun decided to press on. Even if he felt more and more like he was the villain, he wanted to tell the people in front of him everything, so they could point out any more mistakes he might have made.

The next few interactions he talked about were fortunately met with silent approval. He had talked to Lee a couple more times after that, mostly to discuss matters regarding the goblet. And he was finally able to have a proper uninterrupted drink with Lee a little after the previous incident. Although by that time, Lee had already begun to tease him about it. He remembers the words Lee spoke to him that night clearly.

“You wouldn’t happen to be entertaining a lovely lady this evening, would you?”

Liang Xun coughed awkwardly in response, knowing full well what the other man was insinuating.

“There is nothing between me and Miss Ning”, he clarified, holding back a frown.

“I never said there’s anything between you two.”

“Your eyes said enough.”

He recalls Lee’s expression then, a lazy smile on his face as he looked down at the cup in his hands and playfully swirled its contents. Without looking up, Lee said to him:

“Really? Everyone always ridicules you for how unsociable you are, but even Huai Tianpei’s girl is all grown up now. You have to have scored a home run at least once or twice?”

He remembers Lee laughing a little at his own joke. And at the time, all Liang Xun felt was embarrassment from the other man’s teasing. But now that he revisits this memory, he realizes something is off. Whenever Lee spoke, especially when he was making a joke like that, he would always look the other person in the eyes. Even from childhood, the mischievous carp loved seeing how others would react to his words. However, when Lee said those words to him, he was hunched over his drink and looking down. There was an air of melancholy around him despite his smile.

“Mr. Lee…” Hung said softly, pulling Liang Xun back from his memories.

Aak looked over at Liang Xun and then back at Waai Fu and Hung before leaning over and whispering quietly to his teammates.

“I don’t think he's told him yet. But isn’t he making it really obvious?”

To which Waai Fu whispered back:

“Yeah, but it looks like this issue is between the two of them. If Uncle Lee hasn’t said anything for this long, he must have a reason. We shouldn’t meddle in their old people problems too much.”

“What if the old people are stupid?"

“If you do anything to make this situation worse, it’s going to be your fault”, Hung gently reminded him.

“Ugh! Fine fine. I don’t forgive this guy at all though. Even if he is just dense.”

It wasn’t hard for Liang Xun to pick up what they were saying, even if he wasn’t intending to eavesdrop. He was only sitting a few feet away from them after all. It didn’t matter much though. What they were saying didn’t make sense to him at all. Was Lee hiding something important from him? It did seem like the other party wasn’t entirely honest about how hurt they were by his actions. Perhaps Lee resented him but did not wish to fight with a friend, so the carp kept the truth buried in his heart. Such a thing…just thinking about it made his heart ache. He took some comfort in reminding himself that right now, he was here in Lungmen and would soon have the opportunity to make things right with the other person. Looking back at it now, he was fortunate to have that dream when he did. It was an unpleasant memory for him, but without it, he may never have figured out what he knows now. Speaking of that dream, Liang Xun wondered whether he should tell the people currently in front of him about it. A part of him wanted to as the young ones might be able to better explain why Lee was so nonchalant about the possibility of his death, which was a great source of anxiety for Liang Xun. In the end, he decided against it. That matter was too wrapped up in the Yan government’s affair with the Sui. And besides, if they didn’t already know about it, perhaps they’d kick him out if they ever discovered that Lee’s trip to Shangshu had almost gotten him killed.

Fortunately, he wouldn't have to explain himself to them any further. Because before he could speak again, the sound of the door opening caught the attention of all four people in the room.

“I’m home…Huh? Why’s everyone gathered around like this?” Lee casually walked into the room. His golden eyes widened in surprise upon seeing who was there. Stumbling back a bit in shock, it took all of his composure to not drop the bag of groceries he was carrying.

“Liang Xun?!”

[hwauas]

🕊️: "the lost prince", 1

park seonghwa | 박성화 - 2,016 words

laying in the grass of the schoolyard, closed eyes, you were listening to the birds chirping as the sun was warming up your skin. there was a breeze, but it was perfect for you. perfect to relax.

suddenly, you felt a shadow over your face. you first groaned, and opened your eyes. you saw Seonghwa. he had a little smile on his face.

“can the cloud move? i'm looking for sun and heat at the moment.” you said teasingly.

Seonghwa only laughed and sat besides you.

you weren't in a relationship. yet.

you knew perfectly his feelings for you. and you had feelings for him. you never told him since you wanted this moment to be perfect. and you knew perfectly how you wanted it to be.

“did you think about what i asked you?” Seonghwa said. without any hesitation, he slid a hand through your hair and started massaging your scalp.

“hm.. let me think.. what did you ask lately..” you playfully answered, knowing you were playing with his patience.

“y/nnn! please! i'd like to know, it's tomorrow..” he pouted.

you were only able to giggle at his childish behaviour. you could tell how pouty he was by his hand which stopped doing its magic on your scalp.

“fine, fine.. yes, i thought about this, Hwa. and i'll be your.. your what again?” as you looked up to look at him, you smile as you saw both his eyes sparkling with happiness and boredom over his face.

“say it. i wanna hear you saying it.” he said with a kind of dominance in his voice.

“i'll be your prom date.” you softly smiled to him right after. “you better dress like the prince of my dreams.”

“i will princess/prince.” he started massaging your scalp again, smiling like a fool because of how happy he was. you finally accepted to be his prom date.

Seonghwa wasn't that popular. he was kinda known to be discreet and very kind. yet he wasn't shy. it was just his temperament to be discreet.

you both met thanks to a friend. she thought you both would get along well — and she wasn't wrong since you never left each other and even built strong feelings.

he was the perfect one for you: funny, intelligent, caring, romantic and very attentive. stunning to your eyes and charismatic were plus you weren't complaining about.

you almost fell asleep on the grass, enjoying the moment. you didn't care anymore about the time, even though your break was almost over. you just wanted to stay here, for the rest of the day.

“sleeping beauty, wake up. it's time to go.~” Seonghwa whispered as he stopped what he was doing in your hair.

“two minutes more daddy..” you whined, and even rested your head in his laps. you didn't notice his cheeks slowly reddening. should he move and wake you up? should he stay like that? he didn't know, and the emotional state you put him in didn't help at all. you giggled when you felt he was trying to move but didn't know how to do. “did i make you flustered, Hwa?”

when you finally straightened up, he was looking away. his cheeks were still red.

“n-no.. it's just that.. how you called me..” he cleared his throat.

“i made you flustered, i knew it!” you stood up and grabbed your stuffs. “are you driving me home after school?”

Seonghwa only nodded, still embarrassed about what happened.

with a bright smile, you waved goodbye at him and left for your classes.

the only things you could think about were the situation that happened earlier, how you made Seonghwa flustered and tomorrow's night. you planned this night since he asked you two weeks ago to be his prom date. everything was clear in your mind, everything was prepared.

the hours flew by quickly: spacing out sometimes and focusing on the lessons the rest of the time made it go faster for you.

as always, when you went out of the classroom, Seonghwa was standing here, like a real model. he was waiting for you. he looked away with red cheeks as your eyes met his.

you teased him almost immediately: “awww, he is still shy.”. you grabbed his arm, mentioning him you were ready to leave.

“you never stop, don't you..?” he led you to his car, and opened the door for you to sit on the passenger seat.

“never.” you said as you got in the car, and buckled up.

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, and closed the door to come on the driver's seat.

the beginning of the drive was quite, but it wasn't tense.

you decided to break the silence few minutes after you left.

“when are you going to pick me up tomorrow?” you asked as you played with you own fingers.

“at 6. and don't dare to ask for 5 minutes more, babygirl/babyboy. if you're not ready at 6, i leave without you.”

you gasped at you heard him calling that. you weren't prepared for this. it was unexpected.

you blushed, and bit on your inner cheek as if it would help you blushing less.

“did i make you flustered, y/n?” he answered, with a smirk.

you rolled your eyes, and looked through your window.

“i made you flustered, i knew it!” he said with a bright smile. it was enough for your heart to skip a beat.

“okay okay. we're evens. i'll be ready for 6 then.” you said, but still didn't look at me.

after minutes more, you were home. as you were gathering your things, Seonghwa undid his seat belt and get out of the car. he came to your side and helped you.

you wanted to leave quite rapidly since you were still shy about this name Seonghwa called you with. but he wrapped his hand around your wrist.

“already leaving? you need to take a train or what?” he pulled you close against his chest.

you blushed when you realised you were against his chest. you softly rested your hands on his abdomen, and looked up to him. this situation, as cliché as it can be, was making your heart skip few beats.

“so.. i'm gonna pick you up here tomorrow at 6. i can't wait to see how beautiful you'll be..” he whispered, as if he was afraid to break the moment.

nothing seemed to exist around you. it was him for you, and you for him. that's all.

as he slowly came closer to your face, as your lips were almost touching his, you heard your mom opening the front door to great you both.

“Seonghwa! y/n! how was your day? do you wanna eat something? aren't you hungry or thirsty after a whole day at school?” she said as she came closer to you.

you pulled away from Seonghwa's hold, blushing and a little bit embarrassed. “oh hum.. i-i don't know.. Seonghwa..?” you looked up at him to know if he wanted to eat something.

“i'm fine, i'm not hungry. thank you miss Choi.” he bowed as he respectfully refused the offer. “see you tomorrow, y/n.” he smiled to you. you could tell this smile held something more than only politeness. but you couldn't tell what exactly.

you stayed here to look at Seonghwa driving away. once the car wasn't visible anymore, you got in your home with your mom.

“Seonghwa is a very nice boy. i like him a lot.” you mother said as she went back into the kitchen.

you sighed, and went upstairs to your room.

you had started your homeworks, but couldn't think of anything else than what happened earlier. would Seonghwa have kiss you if your mom hadn't come?

you couldn't think straight. you were playing again and again this scene, that feeling of his face close to yours, his soft breath on your lips, your heart beating fast.

and until you went to bed, you couldn't think about anything else than this scene.

the day after passed by quickly. you spent it getting ready for the prom. the dress/the suit, the hairstyle, the makeup.. you were ready, and it was almost 6. you grabbed the last things, and went downstairs. your mom was here, waiting for you.

“y/n.. you're stunning..” she was looking at you with pride in her eyes. “my baby is growing up so fast..”

you hugged her tightly, a little smile spreading over your lips. you let her go of only when you heard someone knocking at your door.

“i think it's your partner.” your mom said as she went to the door to open it.

Seonghwa immediately bowed to your mom. when he saw you right after, he stopped moving. he was in awe of you. “y/n.. you're..”

you giggled and approached him to take his arm, ready to move. “stunning? and so you are.”

your mom was looking at you both with a little smile on her face. she couldn't think of something else but you both being perfect for each other, and adorable together.

“y/n will be home before midnight.” Seonghwa said to your mom.

she nodded with a smirk. “as long as she/he is with you.. i know she/he is safe. it's okay.”

you blushed, as you thought of a deeper meaning. yet, you didn't say anything.

you both then left after bidding goodbye to your mom.

Seonghwa, as always, was gallant and caring. he helped you getting in the car, he helped getting out once you arrived. he made sure you were good all the time.

as you were enjoying the night together, a slow dance started to play. Seonghwa shyly asked you to do this dance, and of course, you accepted.

this moment was yours. his hands on your waist, yours on his shoulders, eyes in the eyes. nothing could break this moment.

“i'm so proud and happy i have the most beautiful human by my side tonight, as my partner.” he said, with this bright smile of him.

you blushed and lowered your head to hide the state he put you in. “i- Hwa, please..” you made him giggle at your cute behaviour. right after, he kissed the top of your head  as if he wanted to say sorry. “can we.. go together somewhere after? somewhere we'll be alone for a moment. i have something to tell you..” you asked, still shy after what happened. to be sure he won't make you look at him, you rested your head against his chest. it was a soft hug during this slow dance.

Seonghwa only nodded as he kept leading you.

when the song stopped, you pulled away from this hug and only grabbed one of his hands softly. you led him out of the building to go and walk around it.

you first stayed quiet, starring at the starry night.

“you always have been quiet and calm while starring at the sky.”

you smiled at his comment. he knew you too well.

“what is this about? i'm listening, y/n.” he softly said.

you tightened your hand around his. before saying anything, you took a deep breath. your heart was racing. you couldn't remember of anything you prepared.

“i.. i had a little speech planned. but now i'm about to give it to you.. i forgot everything.” you bit your lower lip.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow. “tell me as simple as you can, with your words.”

you nodded and took an another deep breath before starting saying what you had to say. “you told me about your feelings already and.. i wanted.. to tell you that i built strong feelings for you too.” still very shy, you kept your head lowered.

Seonghwa turned you over to face him. he had shining eyes, it looked like they were holding the whole universe. “then.. if i ask you out..?”

you nodded with a little smile.

he kissed your forehead, this kind of kiss that shows both protection and love.

“Choi y/n.. will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?”

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Good morning, afternoon or night to you! May I request a matchup please?

My name is Ximena, I am an upperclassman in highschool. Pronouns are she/her. I am Mexican-American, fluent in Spanish and English. I am the oldest of my siblings. My zodiac is a Pisces. am 5,2 with an inverted triangle body shape. I'm pale, with natural rosy cheeks. People say I have doe eyes, dark brown. Hair color is the same color and it goes down a few centimeters off the shoulders, but I usually wear it in a ponytail. I am toned, not like a fitness influencer lol.

I am an INFJ. Socializing makes me pretty nervous, but I'll do it if I have to work on a school project or my friends are uncomfortable speaking. I am the "mom" friend of the group, always reminding them to do their work and to take care of themselves. People say I'm sweet and kind for helping them. I do my best to be open-minded and provide realistic advice. My humor is word play, puns and sarcasm. I am a perfectionist, I try my best in everything. I am pretty insecure of myself, very worried about the future and what others think of me. I get irritated if things don't go as planned.

I am dancer, I love every aspect of it. My favorite style would be ballet and my dream would be going professional. I like to read, my favorite genres being fantasy or adventure. In general, I like being active so I enjoy playing sports, mostly tennis though. I like hiking with my dog and nature in general. I treasure deep conversations with my loved ones. I dislike people who are ignorant (any kind of oppression towards minorities), or who complain about work yet they procrastinate. I would rather not publicly speak and despise anything unhygienic. I hate feeling useless or having no motivation.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with this request. I really enjoy your writing, it's the first blog that caught my eye! Also your layout is lovely and soothing. I hope you are having a great day/night and are doing well 🥰

@magicaldancer5678

A/N- Another matchup that took 500 years to come out 🥲. I’m sorry this took so long! Enjoy ❤️

Asahi Azumane

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐭

oooookkkaaayyyy

So you and Asahi shared some classes together

and you and him got partnered for a project

This kinda made you two HAVE to spend time together and get to know each other

every day you would go over to his house to work on the project

and then you would just hang out with him as friends for a bit before you went home

And when the time came to present your project

Asahi was very impressed with how you could take the lead in the presentation

he just knew that you could be a little shy at times

so he was NOT expecting you to just go up there and present so confidently

but he was a little relieved cuz he do be a shy boi 444

and even after you, two didn't have to work with each other anymore

you both found yourselves hanging out with each other

you and Asahi ended up building a very strong friendship in the time you two spent together

And after some time Asahi started to realize that he had feelings for you

Luckily for him, there was a perfect opportunity to confess to you...

Your upcoming ballet concert

He always showed up to all of your performances

as all good supportive friend should

But he was going to make this one VERY special

He went all out

After your performance (which you rocked by the way)

He gave you a GIANT bouquet of flowers along with a cute little plushy

And he asked you if you would be interested in going on a date with him

oml he just about fainted when you said yes

Ya'll have been a happy couple ever since then

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

He loves low you look out for him

Now Asahi is very good at taking care of himself

But we all have our days

And when he has his little off days your always there to take care of him

Whether that be reminding him to drink water or to eat food

Or it be making him take "mental health days"

And since you do all this for him

He makes sure to do his best to take care of you as well :)

He also loves the advice you are able to give him

He doesn't really like to bother anyone with his problems

So it took him a while to start asking you for help with anything

But now whenever he finds himself in a sticky situation

He comes to you for advice

And you always seem to have the perfect solution for him

So he's very grateful for that

And just a quick cheesy one real quick

He loves your eyes

He thinks you can truly see all of your emotions through them

And the way they sparkle in the sun just makes him go 444

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

He loves to read with you

Idk I just got a feeling that he's a really big reader

So just cuddling with you and reading you a book

Bam heaven on earth right there

Omg he LOVES LOVES LOVES to go on hikes with you

Or just walks

He also really likes nature so hiking is super fun for him

Especially if it's with you 444

Finally

You have been trying to teach him Spanish lately

So he really likes spending time with you while learning a new language

And he thinks it's cool that you guys have almost a secret language

Cause not a lot of people at Karasano can speak Spanish

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐜

If your wondering you guys got an A on that project

He loves your dog 444

He'll always ask if your dog can come on hikes or walks with you two

Once he learns a little Spanish his new pet name for you is Mi Amor

He's tried playing tennis with you

But he just could not hit the damn ball

He blames it on the ball being too small

He supports your dream about becoming a professional dancer 100%

The entire team always says you too suit each other

𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

When Capricorn and Pisces join together in a love match, on the surface, it may appear to be opposites attracting.

Capricorn is down-to-earth and regimented, with a very strong work ethic

while Pisces tends to be more emotional and dreamy, and takes on the needs of those around them.

This couple is honest, and can be devoted to one another.

They admire one another

Capricorn appreciates Pisces’s kind nature, and Pisces is drawn in by Capricorn’s quick wit and tenacity.

This relationship may develop slowly, the two not necessarily recognizing its progression.

But it will get stronger over time.

The Capricorn-Pisces duo can really put their heads together and can be fulfilled by their partner.

Difficulties can arise if Capricorn is too dominating for Pisces’s sensitive side.

Pisces needs to understand that this is Capricorn’s style and not a personal attack.

Pisces might not take too well to Capricorn’s stubbornness, but can deal with it through patience and understanding.

Pisces enjoys indulging Capricorn through their desire for domestic bliss, which combines well with Capricorn’s need for a neat, tidy home and material goods.

It’s their unique blend of temperaments.

Both partners enjoy sharing their lives with someone else, and both like to help the other achieve their goals.

Their difference in temperaments makes theirs a highly compatible relationship.

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

Aphrodite 💖

[mymanskabu]

Ohhh since you're writing about service Pokemon what about Milo, Piers and Raihan with an autistic s/o who has a service galarian Ponyta ? Since it's a psychic type it could know when a meltdown is coming and pull the reader out of the situation that's causing them to have a meltdown and help them through the meltdown so that they don't hurt themself 🌈👽

× I considered not writing your request over ten times after I actually read it 💀 I didn't read the content at first and when I did, I was like, "Oh no, I'm going to butcher the topic, I'm literally going to kill my blog. I'm about to pull a James Charles—"

× Anyway, so I changed your request a bit to just write about the meltdowns. I know enough about panic attacks to write about them.

× I just don't want to disrespect autism since it is something serious. Panic attacks are too but I feel more comfortable writing about them because I can accurately bring awareness to them.

× SUPPORT THE SUPPORT MONS. I actually really like writing about real life animal jobs and sports interpreted into Mons, its interesting!

× Tagged as "sensitive topic" ! !

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Milo:

▪︎ In Galar, they have Emotional Support Pokemon something that Milo is very aware of because he has some Wooloo specifically trained for that. There are only certain Pokemon that can become ESP's since some do not have the temperament for it or the patience.

▪︎ If someone has a personal Pokemon they consider an ESP they have to register it and get a certification that shows they are emotionally disabled by a health professional and that the Mon is actually going to help them.

▪︎ Milo knows since he has seen the process a few times from giving Wooloos to the ESP for a unfortunately large number of people.

▪︎ That being said, he knew exactly what his S/O had been through. Ponyta's are Pokemon that are given and are automatically registered as long as they're trained.

▪︎ Ponyta's a very sharp when it comes to emotional awareness of others so they tend to be given to people who are prone to panic attacks and/or anxiety, etc.

▪︎ Anytime the Ponyta took his S/O away from a certain situation he knew what was about to happen and would always follow it. Ponyta was always grateful for the extra help and never left its person's side until they calmed down or Milo helped them do so.

▪︎ "Take a deep breath, darlin. You're goin' to be alright." He would try to distract them from the emotions causing them to get to this frantic state.

▪︎ He would tell his S/O stories about the Wooloo to hopefully direct their thoughts to something more positive. There are many stories that his S/O clearly remembers and could listen to repeatedly, it always makes them feel better so Milo keeps that in mind.

▪︎ His S/O has had less attacks since moving with Milo. He lives an active and very peaceful lifestyle, the scariest thing one could come across would be bug pokemon which was not that big of a deal.

Unless you panic at the sight of bees like I do, no hate. I'm just traumatized.

▪︎ He got along with the Ponyta just fine and so did his Pokemon. He liked taking care of it with you and the Ponyta enjoyed Milo's presence around you. Ponyta's tend to be able to pick up on good vibes.

Piers:

▪︎ He definitely did not know as much as he probably could know. He knew ESP existed, he knew what most of the process was because of past experiences, but other than that, he didn't know as much as Milo did.

▪︎ His S/Os Ponyta didn't take well to Piers or its Pokemon at first, it didn't get bad vibes, it just didn't know him well enough to really see that all he had were good intentions.

▪︎ His S/O explained why they had a ESP and he took in the information. He kept what they told him in mind. His S/O had a plan whenever they felt a panic attack coming up, Piers was now aware and he could help them follow it.

▪︎ If he saw Ponyta taking them away, Piers knew what was happening and always wanted to help. Ponyta never rejected it because if it caused a scene it would only bother Piers' S/O more. It was trained to keep the person it's with away from stressful situations.

▪︎ Similarly to Milo, he would try to distract his S/O from whatever is leading them to the panic attack. He would help them take deep breaths and assure them that this is only temporary and they'll feel better soon.

▪︎"We can go on home once you're calm and I will sing you a song, that sound like somethin' you'd like?" This was a moment when Ponyta accepted him and trusted him more to help.

▪︎ Piers and Ponyta became good friends, it wanted his S/O to be near Piers almost all the time. Loved cuddling with the both of you.

▪︎ Ponyta was allowed everywhere because it was small enough and companies didn't want to have a bad rep for rejecting ESPs.

▪︎ Despite loving the sound of Piers' voice, Ponyta didn't allow his S/O to be at his concerts as much as they would like to be. They could only watch from afar since being down there with the crowd could trigger a panic attack.

▪︎ Piers was grateful for the effort made to watch him preform, but he didn't want them to put themselves in a stressful position. He made up for it by singing in softer tones when it's just both of them. Ponyta adored this and so did his S/O, it was their own intimate concert. They loved it.

Raihan:

▪︎ He knew about ESP through his S/O, all of his knowledge came from them. He was only aware of them because other people had them for a variety of reasons. His S/O told him why they had an ESP and he made sure he understood as best as possible.

▪︎ Ponyta didn't care about Raihan, he didn't give off bad vibes, but at first Ponyta had no reason to form any attachment to him. It would only acknowledge him because its person was his S/O.

▪︎ Raihan was told what to do in certain situations both with his S/O and Ponyta. There was no manual because everyone had a different way of calming down and his S/O knew what worked best for them.

▪︎ The first time Ponyta pulled them away he was nervous to see it. He calmed himself quickly, he knew his S/O was the one that needed him the most right now. He would crouch in front of them, place a gentle hand on their thigh and talk about anything that came to mind. It was odd for him to try to make light-hearted conversation when they were taking short breaths and trembling under their hand. This is what they told him to do. If he gets nervous or panics then Ponyta would get angry and have to shove him away because then he becomes a "stressful situation."

▪︎ "Hey," He says softly. "We'll dip when you're all good and we can eat Yogurt together, then you'll be all wrapped up in my arms. I know you enjoy it because you've told me so love."

▪︎ Most Ponyta's will accept other people into their lives rather quickly after seeing that they can be helpful to what they do. Therefore, after that, Ponyta trusted Raihan more and was a lot more pleasant around him.

▪︎ Raihan supported ESP before, but with his S/O having an ESP he felt he had an opportunity to bring more attention to it. For other people to support and donate to ESP organizations. Ponyta and his S/O were definitely photogenic, he loves taking pictures of them when they're completely at peace. That's when his S/O gives the most amazing and genuine smiles.

▪︎ Raihan's lifestyle was quick-paced, something that Ponyta didn't dig. Whenever he went out, it would stay where it is, telling its person that they are not leaving. Ponyta acted a lot like a parent in a way. Raihan would have to explain to Ponyta that his S/O would be alright as long they had him and the Ponyta.

▪︎ When him, Ponyta, and his S/O went out, he always held their hand and he would keep an eye out for Ponyta. If he knew something was coming up, he would make sure Ponyta took them away somewhere less stressing. Him and Ponyta had become a sort of team, it made them better friends. Something that his S/O really loved to witness was them getting along well.

[skaylanphear]

Define “Mother”

Summary: Keith gets answers from Krolia and he’s not entirely sure what to think. 

I wrote this a while ago and forgot to post it. 

Chapter 1

"You're my…" Keith couldn't even say the word. As if his tongue were suddenly full of lead, all he could do was stare open-mouthed at the galra woman standing before him. But while the word itself eluded him, the idea itself was pounding around in his brain, echoing the shocked, rushed beat of his heart, which was now fueled by another type of adrenaline.

Over the years, he'd entertained different versions of who his mother could be. Made her up in his head and altered the image to what suited him in the moment. As a child, she's been this warm, soft-featured woman like in all the kids' movies. She'd left because of some reason he didn't know, but that was understandable. And because of that, she'd come back one day. But as the years had worn on, that image had slowly begun to morph into something else. Into a woman that had left and couldn't ever come back, into someone who was "bad" because only bad people abandoned their children. Either she had another family, or was a drug addict, or simply didn't care. In the end, however, he'd come to know one thing for certain.

She'd left because she hadn't wanted him. No matter the reason, that was the only thing he figured could justify her never coming back.

Finding out he was part galra hadn't changed this truth he'd cemented in his psyche. He had the dagger, true. A weapon belonging once to his mother as well as the Blade of Marmora. But even so, he hadn't considered that his mother was actually a member. Maybe the weapon had been passed down. Somehow, that had seemed more likely than the situation before him. If only because it kept intact the vision he'd decided on for the woman that had birthed him.

He didn't know what to do with the galra before him.

"Keith…?"

The sound of her voice startled him. Flinching back into reality, Keith took a step back as he looked her up and down. Soldier. Blade member.

Acutely galra. Very, very purple.

"I don't… understand…" he said coldly, his eyes narrowing some as he glared up at her.

"It's a very long story," she admitted. "And I will tell it to you, if you wish to hear it."

An offer Keith didn't know what to do with.

Removing himself even further, he forcefully looked away before turning and heading back to the pilot's seat. Sitting down, he stared up at the dashboard for some moments. The ship was on autopilot and wouldn't require his attention, but he took comfort in the familiar position nonetheless.

Did he want to hear her story? Her identity was enough of a blow in the first place—he wasn't sure he was ready for everything else. Yet, the beating of his heart was practically screaming to hear her explanation. To demand the answers he'd never had. After all, what she had to say couldn't be worse than what he'd been telling himself all these years—that he was unwanted. And if that was the case, at least now he'd know.

He ignored the heart-skipping hope that maybe it was something else. That somehow, some way, her actions were justified.

He didn't want her to be forgivable, yet he craved it.

"Fine," he eventually managed to choke out. "Tell me. And we'll see if I believe you."

He didn't look at her as she sat down in the seat beside his own. It took all his self-control just to stay seated. Which was a considerable feat given his temper. But as of that moment, he didn't know how he was supposed to be reacting, and so was caught in a whirlpool of potential emotions just waiting to explode given the right moment.

"I was on a mission that took me near your solar system when my ship lost one of its engines, among other things," she started out simply, sounding almost too rehearsed. Like she'd run her explanation through her head a hundred times before. "Earth was the closest planet that could support life, and so I had no choice but to land and hope the local population didn't notice me. But I was injured and had no way to communicate with the Blade. Not… Not that aid would have been sent.

"While my injuries weren't dire, they did require time to heal, which I didn't have. My ship needed repairing and I was stranded in some… dry place that would probably kill me if I didn't find a water source. I had two choices—die and eventually have my corpse discovered or live and potentially be discovered.

"Living seemed like a better option, so I started to walk. I had no knowledge of the land, constellations, or sun patterns. And so I had little chance of survival. I must have been walking at least three days, though I have little memory of the incident." She cradled her forehead, as if trying to remember, before clicking her tongue as though it were useless. "Your father found me, I suppose. Hauled me back to his… cabin. Treated my wounds as best he could, tried to hydrate me. He was moderately successful, as I woke up eventually.

"He saved my life. It took me time to recover, and though he was skeptical, your father did eventually locate my ship. But Earth lacked the technology to repair it, and so I was…stranded. Stranded on a planet unaware of the universe beyond, among people I didn't resemble or understand.

"But your father had an easy temperament and allowed me to stay with him. Rarely did he have visitors, and so I was… safe. With him. Stuck waiting until the Blade finally investigated my mission.

"I learned… many things from your father. We didn't get along at first—I was too strict, he was too relaxed. I had no patience for his attitude, while he… well, I never really knew what he thought of me, only what he told me. Which wasn't much."

Keith's father had never been one for too many words.

"I don't quite know how we ended up… Somehow, I began to change. And your father, always patient with me, waited. Almost as if he knew what he was waiting for. When it started, it was a… a whirlwind romance, I suppose. Shortly after it started, I knew I was pregnant. We'd been foolish, but the thought of it all left me optimistic. Even if the Blade never found me, I could live my life on Earth. Even in secret, we'd make it work.

"Somehow, we thought such ideals were realistic. That our 'love' made anything possible. And I was… naïve enough in such things to believe it.

"It became apparent to me as the months wore on that I carried not one child, but two. Not an uncommon thing to happen to galra, but rare among humans. Twins, your father had called you two."

Finally flicking his gaze to her, Keith searched her expression, trying to—once again—comprehend what was going on.

"I'm a twin?" he dared to ask.

"Yes. You have a twin sister."

"I have- As in, I currently have a sister?"

"I can't know for certain—we had a falling out some years ago. If something has happened to her, I…would have no knowledge."

"You don't know where she is?"

"She was known to the Blade and was tasked with an undercover mission that led to her being promoted to one of Prince Lotor's generals. She cut ties with the Blade following, her…allegiance changing. Not that I was surprised—she'd been speaking of him with higher degrees of infatuation for some time."

Keith only heard about half of what she said at that point. His brain was running a million miles a second, recollecting every interaction he'd had with Lotor's generals. But even with little knowledge of them personally, it didn't take him long to single her out.

Blue skin, blue hair. The same eyes as Krolia.

She'd saved his life during the Kral Zera with no explanation.

"Does she know about me?" he asked, his tone breathy.

"She knows she's half human and that she has a brother who is unaware of the happenings further into the universe, yes."

Keith scooted forward in his seat, his simmering anger giving him the courage to maintain eye contact. "So she got to know the truth, but I didn't?"

"Your situation was different."

"How?!"

Krolia sighed. "You passed for human," she said simply. "When the both of you were born, you took on the features of a human while your sister did not. Which I had anticipated—that perhaps one or both of you would take after me. Which would make raising you on Earth difficult. But your father and I didn't realize how difficult until… You were both sick, terribly sick. Your father had to take you into the hospital eventually, where you were kept and treated, while your father… while he stole what he could and brought it back to your sister.

"Our… Our inability to care for both of you properly as well as our hesitance to take you to be treated nearly resulted in us losing you both. I still don't know how your sister made it through, except that she was always a bit… heartier than you were.

"To this day, that is the most terrifying experience I've ever gone through. Afterward, your father and I… we started to realize that perhaps our situation wasn't as possible as we'd thought. You both began to grow, to want to explore. To socialize. But we couldn't give you those things. No matter how much we… No matter how we loved you, your lives would never amount to what they could be if we kept you sheltered from the world.

"You stood a chance on Earth, we realized. But your sister… It would have been inhumane to have kept her hidden away. But I also knew that dragging Earth into the intergalactic conflict at the time by revealing myself would be unwise, as well as unsafe for both myself and both of you.

"We didn't know what we were going to do, but when the Blade finally managed to contact me, it was… fortuitous. Or so it'd seemed, at the time. They'd found me and so a ship was to be sent to my location, to retrieve me. Your father and I, we… came to an agreement. You would stay on Earth with- with him and live a normal, human life, and your sister would come with me. It wasn't ideal—while you would hopefully be safe, your sister faced a world far more dangerous, or so I'd thought at the time.

"But as the years wore on, I knew… I knew I'd made a mistake. I should have taken all of you with me. I should have left the Blades. We knew of the resistance, and I knew that while it was still perilous, their ways of life were lax in comparison to what the Blades expected. Both you and Acxa could have been together, then. We all could have been, but…"

"But you never came back," Keith spit bitterly.

"No. I lied to myself for… so long. I told myself it was selfish to want you, that you were better off without me or the knowledge of who you were. But as the galra grew closer and closer to Earth's location, I knew it was only a matter of time before humans were enlightened. My attempts to protect you were for nothing."

"But you still never came back," Keith repeated.

"No. I didn't."

He waited, only growing angrier that he had to even ask. "Why?"

"By the time doing so was even a possibility in my head, it'd been so long. Your father had agreed never to tell you of your heritage, so I'd assumed whatever life you'd been leading wouldn't have been made better by my being there." As if the true knowledge of who and what he was would somehow make his life more difficult.

"That's bullshit," Keith eventually hissed, before pushing himself to his feet. He paced shortly, trying to gather his thoughts and ultimately failing. He was too blinded by his temper.

"I needed you!" he finally yelled, beginning to burst. "I had nothing! If you'd just- just checked in or- or something, you'd have figured that out! Do you know how old I was when Dad died? I was ten! Ten years old and I had no idea where or who you were!"

Krolia swallowed hard. "Your father is dead?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, he is," Keith repeated, tone unforgiving. "I spent months looking for you after he was gone. In and out of foster homes, running away, living on the streets. Do you know what some foster homes are like?! They're- just- gah! I just wanted you and you weren't there!"

"I know…"

"You don't know! You don't know anything!" There were moments during those years where he'd been so lost that haunted him still, that he pushed back on because Shiro had taught him to look to the future and not be ruled by the past. So much of it he could have been without, so much baggage, if only she'd just come and taken him away with her. He'd ended up in space anyway, hadn't he? At war?

Nothing she'd done had accomplished anything!

All he'd known for so long was… was hurt and loneliness. Things that had left scars so deep they shaped who he was even to that day.

"I know the truth," he said then, unable to control the tears that streamed unhindered down his cheeks. "I've always known. You could have come for me, but you didn't!" So many old feelings boiled up inside him. Young, immature feelings that spoke of a boy much younger than he was. Illogical, angry, betrayed. Fears that deserved to be justified no matter how ludicrous and how out of sync with her words.

Things that ten-year-old Keith had needed desperately know.

"You didn't want to come back."

"No." She said it simply, her gaze locking with his own. "I always wanted to go back. Every day I wanted to go back to you."

"That's not true."

"I always wanted you, Keith. Never a day passed that I didn't think of you. My reasons for not going to you are not adequate, but that changes nothing of my desire to be with you. And though you may hate me, I will never leave you again."

Words that Keith didn't know what to do with. One part of him wanted to continue rejecting her, while another part wanted so badly to believe her. Coming to a conclusion on the matter wasn't going to be as simple as either side, however. He knew that, and so was only more frustrated by the whole thing. He wanted to stomp away, to run away, but there was nowhere to go. He was stuck on that little fighter with no release in sight.

Her, him, his fears and his temper.

Shaking his head, he turned away before marching to the back of the ship. As far away from her as possible. He'd had his outburst and so was left with only angry tears as he leaned his forehead against the wall and tried to stay quiet. But it was too much and he knew he failed to keep any of it to himself. Sobbing in front of another Blade member wasn't something he'd ever wanted to have happen—he'd been content to cry his loneliness away in his own private quarters. But he had none of that then nor any sort of control when faced with how overwhelmed he was.

But though he was unleashed, she never said anything. Nor did she approach him. She stayed exactly where he'd left her, even as he grew quiet and sat down, trying to find any sense of balance and privacy. For hours they sat, silent and their backs to one another, Keith exhausted and slowly managing to wrap his head around what he'd learned.

The hurt feelings were still there, but they'd had their piece for the time being.

The silence stretched until Keith didn't know what to do. She was there, he was there, they were both acutely aware of each other. It was only the thought that he was acting like a petulant child that inspired Keith to get to his feet again. If only by force, he marched himself back to the pilot's seat and sat down. And because he was in a bad mental place, he half-expected that she'd have something to say about his attitude. Just as he'd expected team Voltron to when he'd had his problems dealing with Shiro's disappearance. PTSD from having shitty adults in his life all the time.

But she didn't say anything. They sat in silence for some minutes more, though Keith felt so tense he thought he might spring right back to his feet at any moment.

"How did you end up here?"

"What?" Keith barked.

"How did you end up with the Blades?" she asked. "Earth hasn't yet been pursued by the Galra."

"There was a Voltron lion on Earth," he explained shortly. "Led me and four other humans out into space."

"You are familiar with team Voltron?"

"Sure." He pulled his knife from the sheath and began to twist it in his hands. "I was part of it."

She cocked a curious brow. "How do you mean?"

"I was a paladin of Voltron," he explained. "The red paladin first, then the black paladin for a little while."

"I don't understand. If you are a paladin of Voltron, then why are you working with the Blade of Marmora?"

"I was a paladin," he corrected. "I'm not anymore." He shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on the blade in his hand. Truth be told, his position within Voltron—or lack of position—was still a sensitive topic. He knew he'd been the one to push the others away, that it was because of his own actions that he was alone again. But that was exactly it, really. He'd done this to himself and now he had to live with the hurt that followed.

"I still don't understand," Krolia pushed, sounding more akin to a superior officer than his "mother." Not that he had any idea how a mother was supposed to sound, he supposed. "I was under the impression that being a paladin was a permanent position until death."

Keith shrugged. "It's complicated." He hadn't had any intention of explaining further, but had made the mistake of glancing up at her. There was a guarded kind of suspicion in her gaze, or so Keith thought. Like she was offended? He didn't quite understand, but the sight made him abruptly self-conscious.

He didn't want to care what she thought. Yet he still found himself overwhelmingly concerned with such things.

"I was the red paladin first," he explained, voice clipped. "Then our black paladin went missing and someone had to take over the head of Voltron. The black lion chose me, while one of my… teammates moved from the blue lion to the red lion, and someone else took over the blue lion.

"But then our black paladin came back, so…" He shrugged, as of that explained it all.

"But you were the black paladin," Krolia insisted. "And even if you returned the black lion to its previous paladin, why were you not returned to your post as the red paladin?"

Was she… angry? Why was she angry?

"It's not that simple," he said, refusing to meet her gaze as he twisted his mouth in discomfort. "Our new blue paladin was good—phenomenally so. It wouldn't have been rational to remove her from the team."

"But it was rational to remove you from the team?" Krolia asked quickly. "Was the pilot of the red lion that much more superior to you, who had been chosen by the black lion?"

Keith sighed. "No- he- Lance is… Lance is a fine red paladin. He's not a… better pilot than me, but he's…"

"What?"

"He's a better person," Keith whispered, gripping tight at his blade.

Though he didn't see it, Krolia's eyes had narrowed. "How?" she snapped. "You were chosen to inherit the leadership of Voltron. How could he have been a better 'person' than you?"

"Look, it's not that simple, alright?" Keith replied shortly, beginning to lose patience with the conversation. "Lance is just as worthy as me of being a part of Voltron. I wasn't going to kick him out."

"They kicked you out."

"They didn't," he said harshly, finally looking her way. "You don't know them. Lance volunteered to step aside, okay? He's not a bad person, none of them are. But I stepped aside instead."

"Why?"

"Why does it matter?!" he practically shouted, beginning to lose himself to his temper again. "Shiro is a better black paladin than I would ever be—he knows how to relate to people, how to lead them. I can't do that. And Lance is a better team player. They didn't need me." He'd set his attention on the windshield, watching as the black emptiness of space swallowed them.

Krolia took an audible breath. "You left voluntarily," she determined.

"I'm more useful as a Blade member."

"No one is useful to the Blade," she snapped out quickly. "We are nothing but expendable." Surprised at her reasoning, Keith turned her way again, only to see her shaking her head. As if dismayed. "You stupid child…"

"Excuse me?"

But she didn't explain. Instead, their conversation ceased altogether, the air feeling stifled with unresolved emotions and bad moods. The rest of their trip back to the Blade headquarters passed in silence, until they were docking.

Though Blade members were known to be "to the point," Keith was a bit taken aback by the ferocity in Krolia's posture as they exited. They were met by a few other Blade members, likely to give their debriefing before retreating to their quarters, but Krolia silenced Keith when he tried to speak and instead harshly demanded to see Kolivan. The hooded members before them tried to object, but Krolia wasn't having any of it. Keith once again tried to speak, to settle the situation, but Krolia harshly told him to keep his mouth shut. And as she was his superior officer, Keith couldn't really object.

Not that such things had stopped him in the past—he was known among the Blade for not exactly following orders—but there was something about Krolia's tone that kept him quiet. Something about how she told him to be quiet—not as though what he said didn't hold value, but as though she were…

He didn't know. He was too confused and emotionally overwhelmed.

She eventually got what she wanted—seeing Kolivan directly—and Keith was about to retreat as a result, seeing as he likely wouldn't be needed, but Krolia grabbed him by the arm as he tried to walk away.

She didn't drag him, but she held tight to his forearm as they were escorted through the base halls toward Kolivan's strategy room. Keith went along willingly, again surprised at the fact that he wasn't fighting her hold on him. Mostly he just watched her, silent as he took in the fierceness of her expression and the determination in her walk.

If he was being dragged along with her, then he knew whatever she wanted to talk to Kolivan about involved him. He knew this wasn't just a debriefing. But even so…

Maybe he didn't want to leave her. Maybe he was afraid that, if he did, she'd disappear as though she'd never been.

Kolivan looked up from the table as soon as they were marching through the doors, his expression first coolly lacking expression. Until he zeroed in on Krolia, at which point he sighed.

"Kolivan!" she barked harshly, a literal growl rounding out her words. They didn't stop marching until they were standing directly across from him. A few other Blade members were there as well, looking between each other in confusion as well as unease.

"Yes?" he asked simply, which only seemed to infuriate Krolia further, if the way her hand tightened painfully around Keith's arm said anything on the subject.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she asked, or, rather, demanded.

Kolivan looked tired. "I don't know to what you refer."

"You know exactly what I mean!" she bit back, before jerking Keith forward. "Why is he here?!"

"He has a blade," Kolivan said simply. "He earned his place among us."

"He is a child!"

Keith wanted to object, but couldn't get a word in.

"He is a soldier, like any other, and voluntarily took up his duty."

"By galra standards, he is not yet an adult," she reasoned back. "That aside, he was a Paladin of Voltron. Yet you've somehow convinced him he has more value here?"

"Voltron does not need six paladins."

A sentiment Keith agreed with.

"Don't act as though I don't know what you've done here," Krolia hissed back. "I saw you do it to Acxa and I can see you doing it now. The mission comes first, even at the price of children?"

"You said it yourself, he was a Voltron Paladin. How is that acceptable but being a member of the Blade is not?"

"Because being a member of the Blade is not about teaching and doing good and watching out for one another."

Kolivan sighed as though he'd heard this argument from her many times before.

"You spent far too much time with that human," he said stiffly. "Your children are more galra than you are."

A statement that didn't seem to bother Krolia in the least. "The galra way is not always the right way, as this war makes entirely clear."

"Have you finished?" Kolivan asked then. "Or must we go over this again?"

"Again?" Krolia asked. "I'm sorry, do you tire of me pointing out the wrongs in what you do? Or do you still stand by the notion that recruiting my fourteen-year-old daughter for a risky, top-secret mission was acceptable? Despite the fact that she wasn't even an official member of the Blade?"

"She took on her mission voluntarily," Kolivan replied simply.

"You allowed her to go even after I said no," Krolia ground out. "I told you she was too young. And look what has happened? Her mind was too vulnerable."

"Your daughter's treason is not a fault of mine," Kolivan replied.

Krolia growled.

"Your attitude is unacceptable," Kolivan said a moment later. "Leave now or face being reprimanded."

Krolia stared up at him for a few moments longer, before finally releasing a scoff.

"I have every intention of leaving," she said stiffly.

Turning away, she continued to drag Keith along beside her, the two of them marching back out the way they'd come.

Keith still didn't quite understand why he was allowing himself to be dragged around like a ragdoll. Yet it continued to happen. Until they were heading down the hall that would lead them to the sleeping rooms. Or "quarters," though they were a bit too sparse to justify even that label.

They paused beneath the cold purple light a few moments later, Krolia finally releasing his arm.

"Get your things," she said stiffly.

"Um, what?"

"I said, get your things," she ordered, finally turning to look down at him. "We're leaving."

"Uh…" Okay, so maybe things were going a bit too far at this point. "No…?"

"You're only nineteen," she reasoned. "Galran children are not considered fully-fledged adults until they're the equivalent of twenty-two earth years old. Until then, you're under my guardianship. Now get your things. I'm not making the same mistake with you as I did your sister."

Keith was gaping. "Are you- You're kidding, right?" He bristled. "Look, I get you're my 'mother' or whatever, but we just met and I've been on my own my whole life. You can't just show up and-"

Abruptly, she stepped toward him. Her movements were so swift that Keith didn't have time to respond. By the time he was reaching for his knife, she'd disarmed him and wrapped her hand around his throat. Slamming him harshly into the wall, she even lifted him up off his feet. Which had Keith going immediately into defensive mode, his initial reaction being to fight back in any way that he could.

But she was cutting off part of his airway, making it difficult to breathe, and so he was quickly losing energy. Which left him unable to do much aside from growl and hiss in outrage while scraping at her arm. He was also abruptly aware of how much bigger she was than him, which started to stir a panic in his gut.

"I won't allow you to stay here and throw your life away," she said a moment later, tone even and unaffected. "You are meant for better things, Paladin of Voltron, and you will not succumb to the galra's insistence on death."

As quickly as she'd grabbed him, she dropped him, Keith toppling to the ground before dropping to his knees. Breathing hard, he whipped his head up to glare at her a second later, his hand massaging his throat.

"You don't get to make those decisions for me," he spat out hoarsely. "You left."

"It's true, I have no right," she agreed. "But that doesn't change what I just told you. Get your things together or I'll get them together for you and carry you out of here myself. As my son and as one lacking galran adult status, no one will stop me should you force me to do so."

Raising her eyebrows in warning, she left it at that before turning on her heel and marching down the hall. Keith watched her go until she disappeared around a corner, before he collapsed back on his butt.

He was… He was definitely angry. Infuriated, but still too out of breath to do much. How dare she suddenly show up in his life and start making his decisions for him? He didn't care how old he was by galra standards. First of all, they were at war, so he didn't really see how such societal rules could mean anything. And secondly, as they weren't living in actual galra civilization, he doubted there was anyone willing to enact such 'laws.'

Which meant that she couldn't 'make him' do anything.

Settled on this reality, Keith got to his feet. He rubbed at his throat again, but the ache where she'd held him was already fading.

Deciding to ignore her completely, Keith went stubbornly to his room and collapsed on the bed. Arms crossed over his chest, he glared up at the ceiling. He was hyper-aware of every belonging he had in his room, as well as the fact that she'd taken his knife. He was also petulantly pleased that he was doing nothing to pack up what few personal items he had. They sat untouched, the fact of which was irrationally satisfying.

Frowning, Keith wondered if this was what teenage rebelliousness felt like.

The thought in and of itself was almost enough to inspire him to actually do as she said. But then he reasoned with himself that, biological mother or no, what she wanted him to do was of no consequence.

Well… that wasn't entirely true either. If her status as his mother meant nothing, then she was still his superior officer. But even so, if she was leaving, then wasn't she forfeiting her Blade rank? Which meant she wasn't his superior.

Right. She couldn't tell him what to do.

He was fine.

Yet despite this, a sense of unease began to prickle through him. Would she leave anyway? Without him? Probably not. Her whole point in leaving was in bringing him with her, right? Because—for whatever reason—she didn't want him there. So if he refused to go, she'd stay, right?

He didn't want her, didn't need her anymore, yet the idea of her disappearing again left him cold and… and afraid. He didn't want to be, but the fear beating hard in his chest couldn't be ignored. He didn't even know her, yet…

She was his mother.

If she threatened to leave, would he follow her? The thought made him so sick to his stomach that he nearly sat up and rushed to his tiny bathroom to be sick. She wouldn't do that, would she? Blackmail him to get what she wanted? Bring up what she'd done to him as a way of manipulating him?

She wouldn't do that. A mother wouldn't do that. His mother wouldn't…

Except that she could. He didn't know her. They'd only met that very day. She could do anything and he had no right being surprised or hurt.

She'd left him once, what was to stop her from doing it again?

But he couldn't chase after her like a child, could he? Of course not.

This was becoming too convoluted. He needed to stop thinking about it. Once again, he was beginning to get overwhelmed with it all. To the point where the confusion and uncertainty was again bringing him to tears.

Blinking, he ignored how they leaked out of the corners of his eyes and streaked down his temples. Instead, he more securely crossed his arms and remained as still as possible. Why, he wasn't entirely sure. Maybe he was afraid to move because he didn't want to give in to the urge he had to pack up his things like she'd said. To just do whatever she wanted if only to stay close to her. He didn't know her, couldn't trust her.

But how he wanted to.

Which was stupid! It was so, so stupid! He'd lived nearly his whole life without her, there was no reason for him to want her around now.

It didn't make any sense. None of this made sense!

He laid there a long while, drowning in his thoughts and unaware how time passed. Even somewhat unaware of the tears that steadily streamed from his eyes. He was more focused on fighting, on steadying his breath even as it wanted to rush out of him. On arguing with the things he wanted in favor of his own insecurities and fears.

The door to his room eventually slid open, startling him just a bit, but not enough for him to move. Instead, he blinked his wet lashes and refused to look at her.

"Keith," she said softly.

Lips pursed, he glared harder at the ceiling.

She walked further in, a deep sigh leaving her as she dropped what sounded like a bag to the floor. Keith could sense her walking closer, felt the way his mattress sank as she sat down beside him. Her purple hue wavered in the corners of his vision, but still he refused to look.

"Keith, you don't belong here," she said softly.

"You don't know where I belong," he bit out, each word stinging harshly.

"I left you specifically because I didn't want you to end up here, involved in this. I know that I can't keep you from this war now, but you can do better than the Blade. You're a Paladin of Voltron—you don't need to be here."

"They don't need me with Voltron. I'm more useful here."

"No one is useful to the Blade," she repeated. "You die and you're replaced. You matter nothing to them. Social bonds are frowned upon, isolation encouraged. There is no support, nothing but fighting and death.

"And you are human," she whispered. "I know you have pack bonds much stronger than galra, needs that cannot be met here. I watched your sister suffer through it until she gave in and left all of this behind. You cannot be happy here, and you mean nothing to those who send you out to your death."

"None of that is the point," he said harshly. "The Blade is working against Zarkon—valued or not, someone has to do it."

"That someone does not need to be you."

"I'm no better than anyone else."

"You are a Paladin of Voltron—you have more important responsibilities elsewhere."

"I was a Paladin of Voltron," he corrected. "I have no responsibilities there now, so you might as well stop bringing it up as a way to convince me. I'm not leaving."

Krolia sighed. "Keith, you don't belong here."

"Then where do I belong?!" he barked, finally looking her way. "I don't belong with Voltron, you say I don't belong here. I clearly didn't belong with you. And I never belonged on Earth. Where do I belong, if not here?!"

"Keith-"

"You don't get to decide what I do or where I belong." Glaring for only a moment longer, he then turned on his side, facing away from her. "Get out."

He didn't see the way she opened her mouth, as though to say something, before thinking better of it. Nor did he see the way she reached out toward him before thinking better of that too. Eventually standing, she watched him a few seconds longer before doing as he'd commanded and leaving.

Keith ignored the tears that steadily streamed down his cheeks.

[dalyunministry]

TOPIC: HOW TO OVERCOME THE WORLD

By. Sister. Savita Manwani

💥

Let us Pray: Lord we thank you for the very breath of life and this precious opportunity to share your living word. I pray Lord, that you guide us and teach us to hear your voice so that we may be the doers of your word and not just hearers. Glory and honor be to your Holy name. Amen.

TOPIC: HOW TO OVERCOME THE WORLD

The world represents everything that displeases God, opposes His teaching, and is under Satan’s dominion. (1 John 5:19).

Many philosophies, ideas and doctrines distort or degrade Christ and His sacrifice on the cross of Calvary. These offer a salvation not found in the Word of God, and are all manifestations of the world.

The Apostle John points out 3 aspects that mark the love of this world: The desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes and the pride of life. John 2:15- 17 says “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it, but he who does the will of God abides forever.

¶ Lust of the flesh:

These are those desires that are in us by nature and impel us to do the wrong things. They incite us, even from childhood, to yield to what the flesh desires. They can be described as the satisfaction, passion or enjoyment that is felt by doing wrong things. In doing these things, we give room to sin in our lives.

Galatians 5:17 says, “For the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” This shows the conflict found in every Christian life. The flesh wants one thing while the spirit wants another. That is why it is important to nourish our spiritual man.

Galatians 5:19 - 21 gives us a long list of the sins of the flesh. These include sexual sins, sins involving pagan religions such as witchcraft or idolatry and other sins relating to temperament and character. The fruit of the Spirit is everything that is opposite to the flesh.

• In relation to God: love, joy and peace

• In relation to others: patience, kindness and goodness

• In relation to ourselves: faith, kindness and self-control

Our goal should be that our spirit wins the battle against the flesh.>If we want to conquer the desires of the flesh, we have to pay special attention to our spirit. We must feed it and care for it in such a way that in the face of temptation, the spirit prevails.

¶ Lust of the Eyes:

The eyes can be a fountain of life, purity and inspiration, or they can be an instrument of evil, perversion, and bad desires. Dr. W. E Vine describes them as being, “the principal avenue to temptation. “The desires of the eyes” can be described as perversions, bad intentions and selfish delights that include not only the sight, but also the mind and imagination. The Bible teaches in 2 Peter 2:14 “having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease to sin, …” And in Matthew 5:27 – 29; “You have heard

that it was said to those of old, “You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

The word “look” refers to the desires of the eyes, a look laden with lust, which wakens impure images and desires in our minds.

Someone once said, “the first look isn’t sinful but the second look is.” This second look aims to satisfy the mind's own desires.

Beacon's commentary says that this type of lust is “the tendency to be captivated by the exterior appearance of things without looking into its real worth.” The lust of the eyes include not only sight but also the mind and imagination. They seek to satisfy themselves through pornography or unedifying books, magazines or movies. They create an addiction that can only be quenched by giving in to the pleasures of the flesh. Generally, these desires are fed by thoughts convincing us that sin is something pleasant, pleasurable and desirable.

We justify the sinful thought as being acceptable as something harmless and insignificant. And since we haven’t actually done anything we are convinced it is not sin.

What's more, it keeps us from seeing the consequences that our behavior may bring to our lives and to those that we love.

When the mind delights itself with memories of past sexual experience, drunkenness, parties, or gambling. The enemy shows you the fun you experienced, the pleasures you felt, and how wonderful it would be to experience them again. These memories are accompanied by thoughts like, “there’s nothing wrong with that,” or, “everyone is doing it”, or, “I can’t become a fanatic.” The mind does not concentrate on the consequences that will come sooner or later, but on the desire and pleasures it wants to feel again. The influence the lust of the eye has on us is acute. They manipulate our mind and cause us to forget what Christ did for us.

That is why it is good to follow the Apostle Paul's counsel, when he exhorts us to walk in the Spirit and do not satisfy the desires of the flesh.

¶ Pride of life: This refers to the belief that the reason for life is found in the worldly appearance and worth of things, and not in how God values them. Pride is the illusion that leads people into superficiality, inflates their egos, and makes them believe that their worth is based on position, money and friends.

These vanities turn into strongholds for people who open the door to them. Vanities lead them to believe that their own ability has given them positions of importance with their peers. For this reason, some people climb over others in life, violating biblical principles and the will of God. Behind their appearances they hide their insecurity.

An example of this is when you spend more than you earn and live in debt even though it steals your peace. You don't change because you want to pretend that you are rich. You buy designer clothes, expensive mobile phone or hang out at the most popular places. You have been led to think these things win people’s respect.

God wants us to be prosperous. When we love Him, He lifts us to a better position. God, not His blessings, gives us our value.

¶ How the world affects me: The young person's world is not a secret to anyone. It is one that offers parties, vices, sinful passions and a worthless and empty life. The media, radio press and television, along with society push us towards this type of lifestyle. They trick us into believing that to have fun you must become part of their activities. If we refuse, we are labelled as boring and bitter people. These words boring and bitter are the most commonly used words by non-Christians to pressure the believer into doing what they want or say. The world may affect me when I give into its ways. It affects me when I take part in its dirty jokes and perverted comments or accept its invitation to drink and party. It affects me when these activities stop being fun and become addictive when I end up caught in circumstances that I want to be free from but cannot.

For example, an ungodly relationship ends in frustration and deception; an excess of alcohol produces sicknesses such as cirrhosis and venereal diseases are a result of a degenerate and promiscuous life.

The life the world offers us is a mirror that makes us believe that it is true and fulfilling. However, it doesn't let us see the deception and true consequences of its ways. Jesus does not want to remove us from the world he wants us to shine and be a light wherever we are. Jesus said: “I do not pray that you should take them out of the world but that you should keep them from the evil one” John 17:15

¶ How to face the world now that I am Christian?

A. Not participating in what the world has to offer.

Ephesians 5:11 says, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but rather expose them”. Right from the start you need to learn how to be radical in dealing with sin. Don't ever cloud the real issues. For example, if they offer you a drink, don't lie by saying, “No thank you, I am on medication and drinking could be harmful.” That is not true. You are not on medication. It is rather a matter of faith, but you are too embarrassed to tell the truth.

B. Be radical in your stand as a Christian.

Job 22:28 says, “You will also declare a thing. And it will be established for you; so light will shine on your ways”. Decide beforehand what things you are not going to yield to. For example, decide not to go to parties with nonbelievers or social events where drinking and other vices are predominant. By deciding ahead of time you will avoid facing temptation and prevent yourself from falling into sin. The main thing is to decide, “No matter what happens, I will not leave the path that I have chosen.” This is determination. When I do my part, God does His. He brings His light to reveal what we should say or do.

C. Avoid spending too much time with unbelievers.

They will constantly encourage you to do wrong, inciting you to turn back.

D. Look for friends that share the same purpose and goals.

Spend time with those people who challenge you and strengthen your relationship with God.

E. Strengthen your relationship with God.

Spend time with Him daily in prayer and live in such a way that you will not leave His side. When you are facing situations that you are uncertain and doubtful about, it will help to ask yourself, “What would Jesus do if He were in my place?. I will no longer talk much with you for the ruler of this world is coming and he has nothing in me. John 14:30

Allow me to end here. May God bless you all.

Let us Pray: Heavenly Father, we thank you for speaking to us today. Lord, I pray that you empower us with your spirit and enable us also to feed our spirit being so that we will be able to overcome the flesh and the world in Jesus Name. Amen.