#that and it's easier since she's still interested in inventing ALONGSIDE that

[wesimpforxiao]

Say My Name and I’ll Be There:  5.1

Author’s Note:  How’s everyone liking the story so far?  Kinda getting into my head about how stiff the writing is.  Maybe it just feels stiff to me, idk.  Anyways, here’s an early chapter!

"So, why are your eyes different colors?"  Childe caught you alone while you gathered firewood a few yards away from the camp.  The sun had long set, leaving you to rely on a lantern and the dim light of the distant fire.  He was limping from your sparring session earlier.

You had beat him.

And man, did it feel good.

"We crossed paths with a merchant that was traveling from Fontaine.  He said they're 'contacts.'  Basically little objects a person can put across their pupils and change their color," you repeated the rehearsed words a little too perfectly for Childe to believe.

"Oh?  I've never heard of that invention before," he tested.

"I guess it's new?  Like the kamera devices they recently developed? Aether has one of those."  You watched as he kept his hands idle at his sides.

"Interesting.  And Aether was the one who told you to say this to me?"  He blocked your path to the fire by placing a hand against the tree that stood behind you.  What a terrible liar you make, ojou-chan.  His friendly smile never left his lips, but it never reached his eyes.  They were cold and demeaning as they examined yours.

"I-I," you stumbled over your words.  "Why are you acting so weird, Childe?" You tried to laugh him off and attempted to duck under his arm.  What to say, what to say! Oh, maybe this'll work?  "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're acting like a schoolboy crushing on one of his friends."

It might have been a wrong move.

He pinned your shoulders to the tree and made sure no one had their eyes on the two of you.  "On the contrary, you began acting strangely the minute I found you today."  Something in his gaze faltered as he replayed your words in his head. Perhaps I am acting like a schoolboy. But I can't help it if I'm infatuated with my target.  His eyes fell to the shimmering necklace resting against your collarbone, and he gently touched it.  "This is new."

"Don't touch that," you slapped his hand away.

"I don't recall you wearing such a genuine cor lapis charm before.  Where'd you get this from?"

"It was my Granny's."

Childe scrunched his nose at the answer, a brief look of internal conflict passing over his face like a cloud.  'Was?' The woman passed? I made sure she wouldn't get hurt by my men.  So then how did she--  He wanted to ask until the realization struck him.  They went to Quince Village after my leaving.  She saw the Fatui there--

You were too enraged to notice him visually fight himself and approached the campsite with an armful of branches.  You made a point to sit next to Xiao and glared at the Harbinger as he returned.

He maintained eye contact with you, even after sitting across the fire from you and the yaksha.  Your pupils seemed to glow from his perspective.  The fire licked the air in between you until all he could make out was the anger in your eyes.  She knows.  He mentally kicked himself, but only partially because of the possible complications this could pose for Signora and her grand plan.  If you were this angry, there was a chance you had told the yaksha.  And if the yaksha saw the Fatui, or at least heard of what you thought happened, then there's a chance he told Mr. Zhongli.  While he could not break the contract with the Tsaritsa, he'd find a way around the stated rules.  He made a fool of Childe once; he could do it again.

Childe didn't care in the slightest about fighting the entire group--though he was a bit afraid of facing the yaksha despite his urge to fight every living thing on Teyvat.  The only thing that mattered to him was you.  And if you were angry enough to fight, vision or not, he'd have to take you by force.  You may hold a special place in his heart, but his feelings for you meant nothing compared to his loyalty for the Tsaritsa.

One chance, the harbinger strengthened his resolve. I'll give her one chance to prove herself.  If she fails, I won't hesitate to take that which will secure Snezhnaya's future.

...................................................................

Several days passed by without incident--

--Is what I'd like to say, but unfortunately, that didn't hold true for you.

Childe and his unrelenting pleas for battles continued to reach your ears day in and day out.  He was the one that was attached to your hip, not Xiao.  You had only realized today that Childe was around you more often than the yaksha ever since he greeted you with a jumpscare at Luhua Pool.  To make matters worse, Xiao neglected to make a move towards him.

She can handle herself, he thought after witnessing the stunts you pulled on Childe.  Xiao recognized that the movements you were using as his own; perhaps there was an upside to you unconsciously peeking in on his memories.  He put himself on standby when he came to the realization.  But make no mistake, he would and will protect you if things got out of hand with the harbinger.  He just figured he'd take a step back and quietly observe his weak points, just like the old days.  The days in which Childe did not pose a serious threat to the group; when all that was between you and the harbinger was harmless bickering.

It would seem like those old days were still fresh to an outsider, but as the days passed by, you were growing increasingly frustrated with Childe's behavior.  After all, how could he continue to play the part of an oblivious comrade, when it was clear as day that the tensions within the group were growing?  How could he even call you a comrade with a straight face? How was it that he felt no remorse for his actions toward Granny when he looked you in the eye?

How was it that he could be so carefree?

Maybe part of you envied him for it.  Your inner grumblings did you no favor in the present moment though; the team had stepped into the western side of Dragonspine.  Your four coats made almost no difference against the sheer cold, and your body shivered uncontrollably even though warmer weather was only a hundred yards behind you.

Everyone except Xiao and Aether wore warm clothes, and it looked like the poor outlander regretted his decision to forego the garments.  Xiao appeared to be unbothered and more energetic than usual.  Childe looked like he was right at home with the weather, his shirt still sloppily unbuttoned to reveal his toned body underneath.  Bennet walked alongside you and was replacing Zhongli for the time being.

Snowflakes lazily floated their way down to earth, but they did nothing to grab your attention when the wind continued to howl against the team's direction.  You caught Xiao letting snow collect in his hand with an almost childlike wonder, but he glared at you when he found you staring.

"I want to find some dragon teeth for a sword and since you haven't been here before I thought it'd be a good idea to show you around," Aether called out to you over his shoulder, his arms crossing over his bare stomach for an ounce of warmth.

"You're insane!"

Aether's laugh mixed with the clattering of his teeth.  "You only live once, right?"  You removed two of your coats and threw them over his head.  "T-t-thanks."

You rolled your eyes despite the fact that you were smiling at him, only for your gaze to lock with Xiao's look of disapproval.  'Mortals are fragile,' you interpreted his frown and giggled.  

"Here we go!" Bennet lit the firepit with his flaming sword and knelt down in front of it.  Everyone joined him;  Aether was especially close to the flames.

"It's kind of annoying to find fire every five minutes," you shivered violently.  "And you practically go up here for fun?"  

"It gets easier the more we do it," Paimon giggled with a nervous smile.  "Besides, we get to mine starsilver and find cool dragon stuff that we can sell--"

"Don't lump me in with you," Aether piped up without moving away from the fire.

The distant sound of a conversation was carried over by a bone-chilling breeze.  "Huh?  Should we go check it out?"  Paimon stared in the direction the vague voices were coming from.

"U-uh-huh," nodded Aether.

The group stumbled over a hill only to find the body cavity of Durin.  While it threw you off, the sight around the remains was what chilled you to the bone.  Of course there's Fatui here, you scoffed.

"I see a tooth over there too,"  Aether whined.

"What's everyone looking at me for?"  Childe let out a nervous chuckle and awkwardly scratched the back of his head.  "These aren't my guys."

"We know," Paimon cooed.

"That's why we want you to go talk to them and let us pass," Aether held the smuggest expression you've ever seen him pull off.

"Uh...I'm not under any jurisdiction to--"

"Do it," you ordered with cold eyes.  When he locked eyes with you, you stood on your tip-toes and spoke in his ear.  "Prove your loyalty to the group."

"My loyalty, ojou-chan," his eyes narrowed significantly, "lies with Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa."

"Uh-oh," Paimon poofed out of existence.

"Uh, guys?  Those Fatui agents are approaching us reeeaal fast," Bennett warned.  

The two of you broke eye contact to find that he was right.  One electro and two geo skirmishers were walking towards the group.  Poofing would be a more accurate description.  Childe gave you a final look before he hopped over a log to greet them.

"Greetings!"  He didn't smile, and the skirmishers stopped in their tracks.

"Master Childe?  We didn't realize you'd be joining us on the mountain."  The three of them knelt out of respect.

"It's a surprise visit, really.  I came to check on your progress--"  The group made their way around the Fatui and Aether yanked the large tooth out of the ground while Childe chattered away with his subordinates.

[themoonlily]

It’s interesting to think of what kind of an impact Lothíriel has for the whole of Rohirric culture, considering there actually hasn’t been a queen in the land in decades. Théoden was married to a woman named Elfhild, who died around the time Théodred was born, but this happened before Théoden became king. He ruled alone for 40 years, and an entire generation grew without knowing a queen. 

So along comes Éomer, a young new king, and the royal line is all but spent, so he’d have a pretty high pressure on him to get married and have children. From this standpoint alone Lothíriel’s arrival would be significant, but I’m even more interested to think of how she adjusted to this role that’s been unfulfilled for so long that not many people even remember what it’s supposed to mean. It’s interesting to think how she’d learn to navigate it, and what she’d do to reinvent it. I would think Éomer would be very supportive of her and he’d want her to succeed, because he understands what it’s like to learn to fulfill a role you didn’t expect to have. Maybe he even thinks that she has a lot to give and that she can help him more than anyone, because I can’t imagine her growing up as Imrahil’s child and not learning a thing or two of ruling and politics. 

In some ways, this long absence of a queen could also make it easier for Lothíriel to take her new place: she’s still a foreigner, but when most people have no idea of what to expect, she can well decide who and what she wants to be. 

There’s also what she means to the women of Rohan. Do they feel like she’s their voice, which they didn’t have for a long time? How do they approach her, and do they go to her with their own concerns and petitions, hoping that she might speak favourably to her husband the King? Does she take interest in the many women who would have lost their husbands and sons and brothers in the War of the Ring? What kind of opportunities does Lothíriel give to the women she meets and might she even act as a patron for some of them?

Altogether, how do the young women see their new queen, who is near to their age? I can picture her being something of a ‘fashion icon’, bringing new modes of dress and hairstyles among Rohirric women. She herself may make a point of fusing Amrothian/Gondorian styles with Rohirric style into something new. She probably has to experiment with materials, as I’d imagine Rohan’s clime is not as mild as in Dol Amroth. A lot of what works on lighter fabrics is not for wools and brocades, and especially not for leather and furs. 

On the other hand, there is negotiating the culture of her birthland with Rohan’s, and adjusting to a marriage where parties come from fairly different backgrounds. I would think a clash or two is inevitable, but on the other hand, I also like to imagine that they support and complement one another better than anybody expected. She is more patient and cautious than him, he knows how to take action and how to lead. It may take some effort, but in the end, they find a way to bring the best of both worlds into their union, starting a new and very different era in the society and culture of Rohan. It’s not easily done, because there are always people who want things done as they always have been, and are suspicious of Lothíriel, even expecting her to turn the court life in Meduseld into some version of her father’s, or even King Elessar’s Gondorian court. Still, she and Éomer are popular enough that they can do things freely and invent their own version of society in Edoras (though it’s partly because there was no society to speak of during the war, and Wormtongue’s influence had all but snuffed out anything that resembled culture and freedom and community). So there are subtle touches here and there, customs and traditions Lothíriel has known since childhood, that are celebrated alongside the Rohirric ways. It’s possible because she also shows respect for her new people, learns their tongue and doesn’t try to push anything forcibly; when the situation calls for a more Rohirric approach, she will readily consult with Éomer or her Rohirric maids and friends on what is the proper conduct. Similarly, he will find out from her about Gondorian court protocol and even the more obscure customs; he won’t admit even to her that it’s not just because of wanting to learn, but also because he enjoys occasionally surprising the Gondorian society with his knowledge of some antique tradition that is partially forgotten even in Gondor.   

Old days are gone, but eventually even the most stubborn realise they’re not coming back - the world has changed too much, and there’s so much traffic between the free kingdoms anyway that influences travel between Edoras, Minas Tirith, Dol Amroth and even Dale in the North in ways not seen before. This time sees something of a renaissance for all the Mannish cultures when they’re finally able to direct more of their energy and resources to intellectual and cultural endeavors, and of course the War of the Ring provides them all with a huge boost for mythos, legend, song and all manner of creation as they try to understand this cataclysmic event that essentially changed their world. 

[buckysmischief]

they think my lover is strange

Loki x reader, soulmate au

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: No wonder you didn’t find your soulmate sooner, he’s a damn god who lived in outer space.

Warnings: language, expected levels of angst topped with the right amount of fluff

AN: This is too late but it’s for @honeyvbarnes ‘s birthday challenge! I chose a soulmate au & this is my first attempt at one. I know she’s on a break but she knows it’s being uploaded and I REALLY HOPE YOU LOVE IT VI! // I listened to a lot of Halsey while writing this, this is a lil inspired :)

Masterlist

Even in a world where soulmates exist, almost ruling out any unnecessary heartbreak, you still had to work for it. Who said it was easier, anyways? Whose bright idea was it to have your soulmates name show up on your wrist? And just to make things more complicated, it wasn’t always their first name. See, fate was a funny thing.

About a year after you’re born a name would show up on your wrist, obviously the name of your soulmate, and when you found each other the letters would change from black to a new, random color. Half would get the others' first name beautifully displayed on their skin, and while that’s still pretty difficult, it wasn’t as confusing as having your soulmate's last name on you.

It was easy to find out someone’s first name, you just introduce yourself and if that’s your person, then BOOM instant love. But if you have their last name on your wrist, it wasn’t that easy. Not many people were interested in giving out their whole name to a stranger who will most likely not be their soulmate. You, unfortunately, were among the half with a .

Odinson. What kind of a name is that anyway?

You used to think that it could be easy to find your soulmate, all you’d have to do it Google the name. But when you didn’t find anything you could actually go on, you decided it was best to just let fate do its thing. Maybe taking a year to travel the world, because that’s definitely not an american name, could have been seen as taking the wheel, but you were no closer than you were before.

After college you took a job at Stark Industries working with Tony himself as his personal lab assistant. Not only did Tony give you permission to work on whatever you wanted in your free time, but it also allowed you to meet all kinds of people without having to disrupt your routine. There was no way whoever this Odinson is is a normal person, it was something you’ve always been so sure about but never could explain it to others. It wasn’t until the day after the battle of New York did you find out just how right you were.

You got a call from Tony saying you had the rest of the week off but you elected to ignore him. No way you were turning down uninterrupted lab time. Once you got into the lab you couldn’t help but notice the alien weaponry on Tony’s side, what was he planning on doing with all of it? He’d likely ask you to assist, so you’d find out eventually. You finally got to your desk and started organizing your notes and important documents.

Hours had passed and you didn’t even realize it. So when you turned around to found a strange muscular man studying you, you freaked the fuck out. “Oh my GOD you can’t just do that! Who are you!?” you yelled at the stranger.

His demeanor never changed, “My name is Thor O-” he stopped himself. “I’m a friend of Stark.”

He wasn’t meant to bring Loki back for another day or so, Tony wanted to ask some questions and run a few tests, all which Thor agreed to. So while Tony was attempting to know Loki better, he decided he’d explore the tower. What he didn’t expect to find was to see you through the glass, reading so intently he was positive you never blinked. If anyone asked him why he originally felt compelled to talk to you, he’d tell them he was just following his gut. But when he was coming up behind you, he saw your soulmark. His name.

Only a few minutes had passed while he thought of what to do. He didn’t think for a second that he was your soulmate, he knew he wasn��t - after meeting Jane the year before both of their soulmarks turned deep red. Which could only mean one thing, you were Loki’s. He tried to recall a memory where he saw the name that belonged to his brother, but it didn’t exist. By the time Thor paid attention to those kinds of things, Loki used his magic to cover his mark.

He was just about to announce himself when you turned around and screamed. When you asked his name, he caught himself before he gave you false hope. No, he wanted you and Loki to share that moment. The moment where you told him your name and all of his walls fall, a moment that has nothing to do with being the God of Mischief or the brother of Thor. After he found out the truth behind Loki’s attack, he hoped finding you would change him into the man he was meant to be. Otherwise, why wouldn’t it read Laufeyson?

“Oh, I’m sorry.” you stood up to shake his hand. “My name is Yn, I’m Tony’s personal- wait, you fought alongside Tony right? What the hell was all that!?”

Thor thought about giving you details about his heroics against an alien army, but he had a better idea. “I have someone I want you to meet, he can explain it better.”

You followed him to the elevator and took it to the underground levels, to the floor where Tony tests some of his inventions. When the doors opened, you noticed Tony sitting in front of a man inside of a glass box, which you’d eventually learn was an Asguardian cell. If you worked anywhere else, you’d be concerned, but you trusted Tony and his process.

“Ah, Yn, you found Thor. Why am I not surprised?” he laughed, eyes never leaving the man in the chair. So when he noticed Loki’s eyes land on you after he said your name, he got curious. “Hey, Yn. This is Loki, he’s as interesting as they come. Ask him something, see if he answers for you.”

“Mmm,” you didn’t have to ask the obvious, he was obviously behind the attack. Asking him why would be smart, but this guys not from here, and you could ask him anything. “Why’d you do it.”

His eyes never left yours, and you didn’t know how that made you feel until he spoke for the first time. He smirked, “That’s not what you’re interested in, now is it, love? Ask me the question you really want, I promise it’ll be worth it.”

“What’s-” you cut yourself off. “If Loki is your first name… what’s, what’s your last name…?”

Thor and Tony didn’t miss the way you had begun to gravitate to the younger god, now close enough to touch the glass. He put his left arm against the glass, magic disappearing to show your name as he answered, “Odinson. My name is Loki Odinson.”

“Hi,” you whisper. “I’m Yn.”

Never did you think your soulmate would be anything like the man standing in front of you, he was beyond everything you knew to be possible. You spent the whole night down there getting to know him, and when Tony came in the next morning to find you both asleep next to each other with only the glass separating you, he wasn’t surprised. It still took Thor hours to convince him to let Loki out of the cell, but he did. Under the condition that the two of you were not to be alone.

When Thor opened the door, Loki took a second to thank him, that’s all the time he had before you were pulling him close to you. He picked you up and effortlessly wrapped you around him, only wishing to hold you close and breath in your scent. “I was beginning to believe I’d never find you, my love.”

“Well you did, and you brought an army.” you laugh into the crook of his neck. “My soulmate’s a big dummy.”

Thor didn’t expect Loki to be offended by the comment, not from you. No, he expected his brother to pretend to be offended, but instead laughter filled his ears. Genuine, heartfelt laughter he hadn’t heard from his brother since they were young.

He put you back down and cupped your face, “It seems you’re right, Yn.” Before you fully registered what he had said, his lips were on yours, kissing you like he needed you to breathe. Much to your disappointment, though, Loki pulled away, looking at you as if you hung each star in the galaxy.

“So, love, how do you feel about being a Queen?”

Permanent tags: @sociallyeneptbarnes @rogvewitch @saturn-aka-six @stuckonjbbarnes @superavengerpotterstar @estillion14 @sleepingspacedragon @geeksareunique @infj-slytherclaw @imsoft-barnes @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @murdermornings @distractedgemini @screaming-fridge @readeity @whatinthyworld @my-drowning-in-time @valkyriesryde @sebbbystaaan @disaffectedbarnes @buggy-blogs @hey-its-grey @pinknerdpanda @brokenthelovely @sandyclaws @death-unbecomes-you @rhymesmenagerie @actualdpshuri @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @mushyjellybeans @https-bucky @also-fangirlinsweden @goalexis123 @missmeganrachel @sunflowersandcherry @miraclesoflove @matsumama

[nevermindirah]

Ok it's Jewish Booker o'clock, I can no longer stop myself, let's do this!

Why Jewish Booker? Dude was born in Marseilles in 1770, which happens to be a FASCINATING time and place in Jewish history, and it adds ridiculous layers to his character (without excusing a damn thing). Alternately just because I think he’s neat :)

Jewish Booker headcanons that make me happy:

not to be all "real Jews do X" but Jews fuck with candles hard. Book of Nile thrives on old/modern analog/digital giggles. Booker lighting Shabbat candles, lighting yarzeit (memorial) candles for his wife and sons (sob), lighting a menorah, lighting candles just because he's feeling emotional even though it's not chag (a holiday) or a yarzeit and Nile thinks he's trying to be sexy but he's really just in his feelings. just like. so many candles.

maybe Booker was the person who punched Richard Spencer at Trump's inauguration, just bringing back that time somebody punched a famous neonazi in the street and said neonazi has all but stopped appearing in public after a few rounds of public punching

were the Old Guard in Charlottesville in 2017? how many times has Booker the Blond Jew infiltrated North American white nationalist / Klan type activities and then stolen their weapons and/or killed them? likewise there's plenty of horrifying white nationalist shit happening across Europe this century, how many Pim Fortuyn types has he been involved in taking down? (I Am Of Course Not Endorsing Violence TM ;) ;) )

SINGING. Mattias Schoenaerts sings in Away From the Madding Crowd but it's church shit, sigh, anyway he has a nice voice. a lot of Jewish prayer is sung/chanted (depending on when/where you are and the gender rules of the community you're in) and there’s been a lot of innovation to Jewish singing in Booker’s lifetime, and I just want Nile to overhear him singing to himself on Friday afternoons

Nile Freeman was four years old when The Prince of Egypt came out, she grew up on that shit, she would want to introduce her new family to that shit. Please join me in picturing Booker, Nicky, Joe, and Andy all shouting "that's not how it happened!!" throughout this beautiful nightmare of a movie with lovely animation and songs but where white people voice most of the Egyptian and Jewish characters, because Booker Nicky and Joe's religious texts all frame the Exodus story a little differently and Andy was probably there when it happened (except for how it didn't actually happen it's an important story but it's just a story pls just let me giggle about Andy being super old)

Read below the cut for sad Jewish Booker headcanons, French Jewish history (mostly sad), context on antisemitism (enraging/sad), and all the way to the very end for a himbo joke.

Jewish Booker headcanons, I made myself sad edition:

he is a forger. who was alive. in 1939. visas. VISAS. V I S A S. how many of us did he save? how many more could he have saved if he didn't sleep that night? how heavily does that weigh?

how do we think he BECAME a forger? most likely he was doing what he needed to do to support his family, which gets extra poignant if he was also trying to help his people, forging documents as well as money even during his mortal life

Booker raised Catholic by crypto-Jews adds ANOTHER layer to the forgery thing, no shit he'd get good at falsifying paperwork and coming up with plausible cover stories

do we know how Booker made it back home after his first death in 1812? his route between the Russian Empire and Provence in 1812 would've been a patchwork of laws about Jews, in case starvation and frostbite weren't enough for him to have to deal with, he's blond and could maybe get away with pretending not to be Jewish if he had to, alternately maybe synagogues and yeshivot took him in on his way home

the structural and sometimes-interpersonal dynamics of antisemitism cause many individual Jews to experience feelings of teetering on the fence between a valued member of a not-exclusively-Jewish community and a scapegoat/outcast/problem. HOLY SHIT BOOKER. "what do you know of all these years alone" is the most Jewish loneliness-in-a-crowd shit I've ever heard. fear that we're not wanted, or only wanted so long as we're useful — that's something that basically all people struggle with under capitalism, but it's especially poignant for many Jews because of the particular way antisemitism operates. (NOTE this can tip from a legit Jewish Booker reading to woobification of the sad white man who couldn't possibly be held responsible for his own actions because he's so sad, which, NOPE. it's very understandable for him to feel left out and misunderstood and not as wanted, as the youngest and not part of an immortal couple and maybe Jewish, but NONE OF THIS excuses his betrayal.)

Crusaders murdered a lot of Jews on their way to the ~holy land~. how many of Booker's people did Nicky kill on his way to kill Joe's people? has Booker ever actually talked to either of them about it?

I read this really beautiful fic about Joe needing to circumcise himself after getting run over by a cart (ouch) — this is a hell of a thing for Joe and Booker to have in common

just generally Jewish Booker adds more layers to him and Joe so clearly being such close friends, ugh that look Joe gives him when they're leaving the bar at the end of the movie, and I very much do not mean this in a gross Arab-Israeli-conflict way because Joe is Amazigh not Arab and Booker is Jewish not Israeli (and also a lot of Jews are Arabs) (but most importantly there's no ~eternal conflict~ between Muslims and Jews) (more about OP Is Not A Zionist below)

like, the UK and France (and to a certain extent Italy) carved up the former Ottoman Empire after WWI; among other things, the UK took Palestine, and they could've worked on eradicating European antisemitism so Jews wouldn't have to leave but instead they used their control of Palestine to encourage Zionist emigration of Jews out of Europe, and France took what is now Iraq, which has some pretty direct implications for US military involvement in that country in Nile's lifetime; France colonized Tunisia in the late 19th century and still held it during the Vichy era which means Tunisian Jews were subject to Nazi anti-Jewish laws which is just layers upon layers of colonial racist Islamophobic and antisemitic nightmares for Joe and Booker to live through

to be crystal clear before anybody gets ooh Muslim-Jewish conflict up in here, antisemitism is an invention of European Christians that they imported to the places they colonized, the European colonial powers encouraged Zionism because it was easier for them to encourage Jews to leave Europe and set us up as middle agents between the colonial powers and the ~scary brown people~, the Ottoman Empire and other Muslim governments historically have had a second-class citizenship category for non-Muslims that rankles my American first amendment freedom of religion sensibility but was very much not targeting Jews specifically, and these two men who've lived for a long-ass time through many varieties of geopolitical awfulness (and alongside a certain unwashed Crusader who has since learned his lesson) would have Things To Say about how our current mainstream discourses frame these things

getting off my soapbox and back to this action movie I'm trying to talk about, the ANGST of Booker's exile, which is simultaneously a very valid decision for Andy Joe and Nicky to make, an extremely long time for Nile who is only 26 years old to be separated from the one person on the planet in a position to really understand the crisis she's going through, and holy shit expelling a Jew from your group when he's already been expelled from mortality and his family and being expelled from places and continually having to start over somewhere new is THE curse of surviving through antisemitism, OUCH MY FEELINGS

Some French Jewish history:

France, like basically all of Europe, periodically expelled its Jews, but Provence (where Marseilles is) wasn't legally part of France during the expulsions up through 1398 so Provence had a continuous active Jewish community; about 3,000 Iberian Jewish refugees ended up in Provence after the expulsions from Spain and Portugal in the 1490s

the 1498 expulsion of French Jews DID apply to Provence but many "converted" to Christianity and reestablished a Jewish community when enforcement of the expulsion chilled out (which was in the government's interest because they were really into taxing Jews at higher rates, so much so that they taxed "new Christians" at higher rates once they realized expelling Jews meant they wouldn't be around to overtax, ffs) — by the mid-18th century Provence had notable communities of Jews and crypto-Jews (forced converts and their descendants who still kept some Jewish practices in secret)

Booker would've been 21 when revolutionary France granted equal legal rights to Jews in 1791 — his mortal life and first century of immortality happens to line up almost perfectly with the timeline of legal emancipation of Jews across Europe

the American and French Revolutions happened pretty much concurrently and took different approaches to religious freedom that make Book of Nile with Jewish Booker and canon Christian Nile extra interesting — French emancipation, at least from my American sensibility, is about secularism and religion not "interfering" (hence French Islamophobic shittiness about banning hijabs), whereas American religious freedom is more of "the government can't stop me from trying to evangelize / religiously harass people at my school/workplace/etc" — to be clear I think both countries' approaches to religious "freedom" are hegemonic as shit and have devastating flaws, but they're different models that emerged at the same time in Booker's youth and Christianity is clearly a source of emotional support for Nile and there's so much to explore here

Napoleon tried to ~liberate~ the Jews of places he conquered for his dumbass French Empire, but liberation from ghettos came with strings attached (like banning us from some of the only jobs we'd been legally allowed to have for centuries, and liberating us for the stated purpose of getting us to assimilate and stop being Jews) and many places that were briefly part of the French Empire reinstated their antisemitic laws after Napoleon was gone, can you imagine being a French Jew forced to fight and die in Russian winter for that jackass and then have to trudge back through a dozen countries whose antisemitism was all riled up by French interference?

Some facts about antisemitism:

antisemitism operates differently than many other oppressions, it doesn't economically oppress the target group in the same way as antiblackness or misogyny or ableism etc — the purpose of antisemitism is to create a scapegoat to blame when European peasants are mad at the king / the church / the people actually in charge, and structural antisemitism encourages a system where some Jews become visibly successful so that those individuals and our whole community are easier to make into scapegoats

one of the historical roots of antisemitism is stuff in the Christian Bible about moneylending as sinful — Jews in medieval Europe were often barred from owning land and Christians barred from moneylending, so some Jews found work in finance and some of us became very visibly successful for working with money — a few individual Jews running a particular bank or finding success as jewelry dealers turns into "Jews control global financial systems" scapegoating — a more recent example of this is the participation of nonblack Jews in white flight and the role of Jewish landlords doing the visible dirty work of non-Jewish institutions in American antiblack housing discrimination, Nile grew up on the South Side of Chicago and would have seen some shit along these lines and might repeat hurtful ideas out of a lack of knowledge, here's Ta Nahesi Coates on some of these dynamics

Booker canonically being a forger (specifically of coins in the comics?) needs a little extra care to avoid antisemitic tropes about Jews and money, I will happily answer good-faith asks about this if you want to check on something for a fic/etc

antisemitism in the United States where I live in October 2020 isn't institutional in the sense of targeting Jews for police violence or anything like that. it IS systemic, however, for example in all the antisemitic conspiracy theories the Trump administration and several other Republicans peddle (ie QAnon), and in how the Trump administration points to support for Israel as if that means support for Jews (it doesn't, it's evangelical Christians who push the US government to support the Israeli government because they think Jews need to be in the ~holy land~ for Jesus to come back that's literally why the United States funds Israel at the level it does). antisemitism also gets weaponized to encourage white Jews (those of us of European descent, who in the United States are definitely white because the foundation of US racism is slavery and antiblackness as well as anti-indigenous genocide, maybe European Jews aren't included in whiteness everywhere but we definitely are where I live) to side with white supremacy instead of building solidarity with other marginalized people (ie a lot of mainstream Jewish groups shit on the Movement for Black Lives because of its solidarity with Palestinians)

the Nation of Islam has a major presence in Chicago and its leader Louis Farrakhan who lives in Chicago has long spread a variety of antisemitic as well as homophobic bullshit but there are genuine good reasons many Black people find meaning/support in the Nation of Islam and Nile would've grown up with that mess in the air around her, this is a good take from a Black Jew about the nuance of all that

the way the Old Guard comics draw Yusuf al Kaysani is HOLY SHIT ANTISEMITISM BATMAN I hate it please summarize the comics for me because I DO NOT WANT to look at that unnecessarily caricatured nose why the fuck did they do that human noses are beautiful there is absolutely no need to draw Joe like a Nazi would

Jews for Racial and Economic Justice is a local NYC group that recently developed a fantastic resource for understanding and fighting antisemitism (pdf) 11/10 strongly recommend

Zionism disclaimer: A lot of Jews feel strongly that we need a Jewish-majority country in order to be safe from antisemitism. I strongly disagree with this idea on its merits (Jews disagree about who is a Jew and making Jewish status a government/immigration matter means some of us are going to get left out; also non-Jews aren't fundamentally dangerous and separatism isn't going to end antisemitism) but I have a lot of empathy for the very valid fear that leads a lot of my people to Zionism. Whether I want a Jewish-majority country or not, what Israel has done and continues to do to Palestinians is a deal breaker. Emotions run very high on this subject — I spend a lot of my not-Tumblr life talking to other Jews about Zionism and I'd rather not have this Jewish Booker headcanons post become yet another place where fellow Jews yell at me in bad faith. Block me if you need to, you're not going to change my mind. Call me self-hating if you want, I know I love us.

Racism in fandom disclaimer: I feel weird about increasing the volume of meta about Booker in this fandom. Nile Freeman is the main character and deserves lots of attention and adoration from the fandom — and she deserves emotional support from as many friends and orgasms from as many partners as she wants. I think Jewish Booker makes her friendship and potential romantic relationship with him even more interesting, hence this post. Ship what you ship, but be aware of the racist impact of focusing your fandom activity on, for example, shipping two white men while ignoring awesome characters of color especially the canon man of color one of those white dudes has already been with for a millennium. Please and thanks don't use my post for shenanigans like sidelining Joe so you can ship Booker with Nicky.

Oh and a non-disclaimer fun fact, Matthias Schoenaerts was born in Antwerp which apparently has one of the largest Jewish communities still remaining in Europe?? ~Jewish Booker headcanons intensify~

In conclusion: Jewish Booker! Just because it's fun! It exponentially increases the angst of his mortal lifetime and it puts his first century of immortality smack in the middle of the most intense changes to Jewish life since the fall of the Second Temple (aforementioned emancipation, also founding of Reform Judaism, the Haskalah, Zionism, and then of course the Holocaust). It makes his relationships with Nile, Joe, and Nicky more interesting and potentially angstier and with more intense commonalities and tenderness about their differences. It's very common for Jews to not believe in God (this confuses the shit out of a lot of Christians) and this would probably have further endeared him to Andy.

One more thing: Booker as golem. (A golem is basically an earthenware robot of Jewish folklore.) He's tall and blond and the most Steve Rogers-looking of all of them and from the Himbeaux region of France. THE trope of Book of Nile is he will do WHATEVER Nile wants or needs him to do. I was today years old when I learned that Modern Hebrew speakers use golem figuratively to mean "mindless lunk" and I'm choosing to squint and read that as "hot kind and dumb as rocks" because it amuses me.

[shozaii]

Hello! May I ask of a hc of shinsou,Todoroki,and Kirishima having a quirkless s/o whose determined to become a hero so they team up with hatsume to create an iron man suit replica they can use in battle? (They are basically Ironman but since they can’t call themselves iron man cause reasons they just call themselves Iron Maiden, don’t ask how she got into UA she has her ways lol) Thxs!

(a/n): hello anon! i’m so sorry this took a while as i had some other stuff to do argh. but i hope this one is worth it because iron man is my favorite hehe. and i also received your other ask! enjoy!

requests are still open!!💜

•••

iron maiden.

warnings: none!

^^

kirishima❤️

so, so supportive of you.

when he found out you were quirkless, it didn’t matter to him! all that he was happy about was you wanting to pursue your dreams regardless of anything coming your way.

“heroes don’t always need a quirk! in fact, i think you’re even more manlier than me,” he wiped away tears of joy.

precious, i swear.

“thank you, kiri. i won’t let you down!”

“babe! you’ve never! you’re definitely not gonna let the whole world down either!”

he recommended you to check in with mei hatsume, the literal brains of technology. he remembered you keeping a lot of spare parts of your failed attempts, so he told you to bring them along to her.

“a creation of new babies? god, it’s probably going to be my 1000th one!”

let’s be honest, she has more.

eijirou makes sure you get some rest, because he knows the amount of times you’ve stayed up late.

he visits you sometimes 🥺

so the both of you finally came out with something so cool even mei couldn’t believe her eyes.

“a nanotech suit! one touch and you’re all good to go!”

you were in TEARS

sooner or later, you had your hero name! and it was called iron maiden. sounds majestic. he’s gonna love it

you needed eijirou to see this, but perhaps it shall be a surprise. but you did tell him your hero name. it interested him even more, because he knows you’ve been working on a lot of suits before consulting mei about it.

“i’m so proud of you, cupcake! you have to show me,” you could hear him pout through the phone.

“the time will come, eiji. you would love it!”

so it was, during an intense battle drill. it was finally time for you to shine brighter than ever.

as mei mentioned, you placed it on your chest, bracing for the impact.

eijirou was shook. what were you doing during this serious time? you did tell him about a surprise, but it wasn’t you appearing at this kind of time, right?

and so it came. the suit began to wrap around your body, fitting you in nicely. under 10 seconds, you were ready.

his mouth was open wide.

so this was the surprise, he smiled widely.

you took off, with rocket like feet attached to the soles of your newly built armor. your hands were your extra guide, balancing you off ground.

with a blast, you flew as fast as you could, bringing strong winds along with you. everyone watched carefully as you easily put off so many obstacles coming your way.

he was following you, wanting to observe more of your latest device.

it was delightful. training with sufficient information at the screens in front of your eyes, reminding you of incoming dangers. the iron was also lightweight; so that running would be easier.

you and eiji even teamed up! how sweet🥰

and from the inside, you saw your boyfriend. he had this adorable toothy grin, literal heart eyes on you.

“we would love to see more of that, iron maiden!” he screamed from down below.

“you got it, red riot!” you replied, reminding yourself to give him a big fat hug once this was over.

shinsou💜

you were worried about what shinsou was going to say.

yes, he knew that you were quirkless. but he saw so many qualities in you that literally changed his life for the better.

no way in heck was he gonna listen to any bs about you! you were his!

“come on, kitten. i would have to hear it someday. i’m sure it’s not gonna hurt.”

“i’m thinking of making a suit.”

“ah. you did tell me about those before. what’s your plan?”

“i’m going to try and rebuild it again. this time, with a consultant! i just wanted your opinion, hitoshi; and i don’t know if-“

“does this plan make you happy?”

you nodded slowly.

“go on. do what you gotta do. if it makes you happy, i’m happy.”

he proceeds to embrace you, feeling so proud of your decision. i headcanon him being your number one fan💜

so there you were, working alongside with mei. a lots of twists and turns were found in your previous suits, and you were glad some parts came to good use in the new one.

“you’re gonna love this, y/n! make sure to give it all you got with our baby!” she said with pride.

he gives you calls and asks about the process🥺

he hangs out with you during your breaks

after weeks of ups and downs, it was completed.

you placed the little casing in your pocket. training was coming up soon and you wanted to give it your all. mei wished you good luck, and you left.

it was intense training, and it involved a few classes. including your boyfriend’s. so it was finally time to show it to him!

“hey, you done?” shinsou tapped on your shoulder, looking at you. “where is it?”

“you’ll see!” you said, smiling innocently. but deep down inside you were screaming with joy.

the battle began. everyone rushed out from the starting line, and the two of you followed behing the flock.

you pulled the little metal casing out from your pocket. this was your time.

fixing in on your chest, you clicked on the middle of the nano suit; as it began to assemble right in front of hitoshi’s eyes.

his eyes were wide open. he watched as the armor covered your body from head to toe. the color red was a majestic finish to the armor.

boy, was he prOUD

he was just there, looking at you- the armor. his s/o did it! for so many months were they sad due to all their failures, and finally, they’ve done it.

the face of the armor opened, allowing you to see his face at a better angle.

“you surprise me everytime,” he smiled.

the both of you continued training immediately after, with him continuously admiring your hard work. from the blasters to the attacks from your armor. the speed. balancing off ground. priceless moments he would love to cherish.

honestly he’s just boyfriend goals argh😭

todoroki🤍

now if i were to be clear, these three boys are the most supportive towards their s/o. very. so here we have another cinnamon roll.

shoto is the person who shows love regardless of boundaries. moreover, you being quirkless was no sort of boundary he has ever imagined.

“after all, you’re human, aren’t you?”

that would’ve brought you to tears. being quirkless in this society was hard. but to shoto? that didn’t matter.

you’ve made it to ua, and he was proud of you for all your achievements. from new creations to development.

he has seen most of your suits. he also asks you a few questions.

so one day, knowing that he was good with listening and advice, you went to him to tell him about working alongside with mei hatsume.

“oh. she’s helped us upgrade most of our costumes. she’s really helpful, if you ask me.”

“so... what do you think about the idea?”

“y/n, i know you very well. this passion of yours makes you very happy. in fact, this idea sounds amazing. i’ll support you, always.”

“thank you, sho,” you hugged him.

“good luck, my love. let me know if you need anything.”

a few weeks passed and you were working miracles with mei. shoto and you came up with a hero name - iron maiden. knowing how you’ve always used iron to build new inventions.

he constantly texts you, telling you to take breaks if you stayed up late.

3am phone calls😤❤️

“so would this color do?” mei asked you, pointing at the matte red finish. “this baby would stand out with glory!” there were literal stars in her eyes.

“i love it!”

she gave you directions for the invention, of course. you two were like this inseparable duo, so i would say your conversations with each other were wholesome🥰

and finally, after so much of blood, sweat and tears,,, it was complete! the armor that you have thought of in your head finally came to life, within your hands!

shoto was very happy when he heard of your success. you also told him that it was a huge surprise. he waited patiently because he didn’t want to spoil the effect

“of course, love. i’ll be waiting.”

and he did, until training started.

like mentioned in the earlier headcanons, it was a joint session. this meant a lot of the students would try developing their quirks; in different stations.

you were of course heading to the ‘battlefield’ station.

there, you saw shoto. he has already begun training. so when he saw you he stopped, waiting for you to show what you’ve got.

you held out the little metal casing to him. his head tilted.

but when he saw it forming into an armor.....

....you guessed it. imagine that proud lil’ smile on his face😭❤️❤️

as the lightweight iron reached the last few parts, you asked him, “how is it?” eagerly.

he ran towards you.

“you’re gonna show all of them what you got.”

i guarantee you, your heart was bleeding confetti. i’ve mentioned it many times but his eyes tell stories.

this time, it was of how proud he was to see you achieve your biggest dream- becoming a hero.

i hope you liked it anon!! apologies for the delay and i hope this was a good read🥺❤️

[shima-draws]

OKAY OKAY SO I had this idea that’s similar to Reverse Falls—except everyone’s personalities/roles are swapped, so for example Stan takes the place of Ford and ends up in the portal, and Ford takes the place of Stan and is stuck trying to get him back for thirty years. Mabel and Dipper swap, as do Soos and Wendy, and Gideon and Pacifica, Candy and Grenda, etc.

They’re the same people with the same likes/dislikes and talents, but their personalities are all switched around!! So while Dipper is still mega fascinated by science and mysteries and stuff, he’s very outgoing and energetic and silly, while Mabel is more reserved and very shy about her creative passions—which leads to her being the one to find the journals, and take interest in them because they’re quirky and entertaining—and written by Stan :’) Dipper has a million different sweater vests, and Mabel has buttons and pins all over her clothes!

I see Ford and Stan’s story playing out as like, Ford was the one born with six fingers but it never bothered him much, and he was a very energetic personality as a kid, leading him and Stan into tons of trouble. Meanwhile Stan has always had self confidence issues, and he always took people calling him the “lesser twin” to heart, despite Ford encouraging him not to. Stan always had an interest in the mysterious, as well as Ford, but Stan’s fascination of it stemmed from his own anxiety issues, and found that he could relate a lot to the weird and unusual (because really, a lot of them were like him, labeled as weird and dumb because of his “mental” issues)

Rest is under the cut because it got LONG lol

This all came to a head during high school when Stan started writing fiction;; and really GOOD fiction at that. He couldn’t outwardly express himself and his interest in the supernatural, but he could do that through fiction, which made everything so much easier for him since he has social anxiety! And he found he was really talented at it. Which leads to a great big story writing contest, and the principal telling Stan that if he wins he can get a scholarship and go to college for writing. (The principal also says Ford is going places, too, but the things Stan can do will get him far, while Ford will always be stuck with the more…disapproving of careers. Assuming writers are a big hit, and scientists are just seen as frauds and losers.) Stan gets REALLY excited about this, which bums Ford out a lot because he wanted to do the treasure hunting thing and search for anomalies together, but Stan protests saying this is his passion and he’s finally being given an opportunity to do something good and worthwhile with his life.

The night before the contest, Ford sneaks in to the library where all the entries are set up, and accidentally mixes Stan’s story up with someone else’s—the pages get all intermixed and weird, and he quickly leaves before he can fix it because he’s about to get caught by night security (but he THINKS he got the pages in order when he in fact did not). The next day the judges read Stan’s story and say it makes no sense, it’s all out of context and the writing is all over the place and sloppy—so Stan loses. Of course he realizes that something must have happened, and after seeing a pen that belongs to Ford on the floor, he realizes what Ford has done. Which results in their enormous fight, and Ford is the one to be thrown out of the house.

Ford still manages to make it into college anyway, despite being homeless for a time, and starts studying hard. It’s not…a good college, at all, and he gets roughed up a lot and teased by frat boys, and struggles endlessly to make ends meet financially, and battles with intense depression. But he manages, somehow :’)

Stan, on the other hand, is so torn up about Ford leaving that he is essentially writers blocked—and he can’t write anything of any worth for a LONG time. Eventually he’s forced to get a low paying job in Glass Shard, wondering where it all went wrong, and missing Ford fiercely but still too upset to reach out. (He’s sure Ford is doing fine on his own, anyway.)

Eventually Stan manages to catch the attention of a publishing company along the way, and gets enough money to finally move out and continue his work! Which leads him to Gravity Falls, a place rumored for being weird, so Stan goes there to get inspiration for his writing, and starts a new life.

Ford, meanwhile, has graduated from college, but with a degree from such a shitty place he’s turned down for many job offers. He essentially starts traveling around the country, trying and failing to get noticed, and things start getting really tight for him moneywise, and people start chasing him down to repay his college debt. Yeah. It’s bad lol

Stan decides to call up an old friend of his that he encountered working part of the industry, Susan!! Susan happily comes up to Gravity Falls to act as an “editor” of some sorts for Stan’s latest in-progress novel. Stan also starts keeping a record of all the weird things he sees in Gravity Falls in a journal—and as time passes, the more he gets involved, and the more crazy he gets about discovering the source of all the weirdness there…which leads to him discovering a cave full of symbols and eventually ends up summoning Time Baby (yes, he and Bill are swapped in this!). Time Baby tells Stan that he’s brilliant, that he can bring all of his stories to life and live out his wildest fantasies if they work together. And so, Time Baby helps Stan in order to build a portal—but not a DIMENSIONAL portal, no. A TIME portal. Because I see Time Baby wanting to extend his rule to every time period possible in this AU, but being limited by time laws and possibly a revolutionized force trying to stop him. If he gets access to a time portal he can spread his influence farther, and attempt to take over all timelines, the past, the present, and the future. And Stan, who in this AU hadn’t grown up knowing when someone was trying to con him, falls for Time Baby’s flattery EASILY, and starts building the portal with his instructions. Susan also helps, being a mechanic alongside an editor. But unfortunately, an accident during testing gave Susan a glimpse into the future, where she witnessed the horrifying truth of Time Baby’s rule. She quit the project and decided to leave Stan on his own, who realizes Time Baby’s lies and started to lose his mind as he attempted to protect himself against the overlord’s influence. Which leads to him calling up Ford!!

Ford, who is currently barely scraping by, drops everything to go see Stan in Gravity Falls, in an excited attempt to reconcile. Of course Stan is driven by paranoia and anxiety at this point, so he snaps at Ford, demands him to hide his journals, and this results in their enormous brawl. Ford gets burned, they accidentally activate the portal, and Stan falls in—to be sent to an apocalyptic future.

Unfortunately without Stan’s other journals Ford has no IDEA how the portal works. And seeing as Stan worked with a being from a future with extreme technological advancements, even with his genius he can’t figure it out right away, and especially without the other journals to help. So, as Ford struggles to bring the portal back online, he decides to take over the Shack and transform it into a science museum of some sorts. Being as outgoing as he is, Ford’s able to draw people in with his friendly personality and contagious energy, which earns him enough money to keep the Shack running. He fakes his own death (mostly to escape the mountain of debt he’s in—I know, Ford isn’t the type, but he really didn’t want people sniffing around after all he’d been through, and paying back loans is the last thing on his mind, especially since he’s avoided it already and is labeled as a criminal anyway), opens the Mystery Shack, which is home to tons of crazy inventions and neat science factoids and tours, and thirty long years pass as he struggles to work the portal again. (He tries tons of different complicated things, but nothing works. He gets very frustrated with it sometimes.)

Eventually, the summer of 2012 arrives and with it comes Dipper and Mabel! And you know, things play out pretty similarly to how the original GF universe did. Bill is an interdimensional demon who keeps track of people dimension hopping (which Mabel and Dipper inevitably end up doing once they get their hands on a space tape), Gideon is filthy rich, Pacifica is a fake psychic who has an interest in Dipper, Wendy is the girl who fixes up the Shack, Soos is the guy always slacking off and being cool (and the thought of Mabel having a crush on him is. WEIRD but consider it being like, teen Soos or smth. Soos but COOL. He could pull it off), Fiddleford is a cheeky waiter at the diner—you get the point lol.

Anyway I am dubbing this AU as UPSIDE-DOWN FALLS! (I apologize if anyone else has ever had a similar idea, but it just popped into my head and I couldn’t disregard it man;;)

Also I feel that Ford and Stan might eventually go traveling the dimensions, or a mishap occurs and they get separated or something—and Ford runs into the regular GF verse Stan, and he has a great fondness for him because they’re practically the same. (Stan won’t admit it but he really likes Upside-Down Ford too.)

[novantinuum]

that fantasy au concept is so interesting! it has such a cool emotional core with neat worldbuilding while still staying true to the spirit of the show, and just seems to... idk how to put it but it Works?

a aaa thank you ;w;

i have a metric butt load of ideas for it, some of them being:

-Lots of typical fantasy creatures like elves, dwarves, dragonborn, gnomes, orcs, etc etc etc alongside humans

-The visual aesthetic of the larger cities is strongly victorian steampunk. This is a world right on the edge of technological revolution, and as a result, oftentimes magic and those who perform it are kinda left behind and ignored in lieu of new inventions and ideas.

-Magic is something all denizens of this fantasy world can learn if they put their minds to it enough- but there are definitely some people who have an innate closer connection to the magical aspect of this world and have an easier time with it. This often runs through family lines- i.e. if a parent is a powerful witch, for example, their child will also have an innate inclination towards performing powerful magic.

-All the magic in this world is really personalized. Each individual will have an inclination towards a few types of magic that speak towards their personality and heart. It’s kinda... soul magic? So when I said the eldritch beings Rose was once a part of consume people’s souls, they’re basically feeding on pure magic. 

-Rose is, of course, secretly an eldritch horror disguised as an elf. She’s like... super long-lived? She’s been around for hundreds upon hundreds of years in this world, far beyond the normal lifespan of elven folk. However, she flies under the radar and is never really questioned because everyone just assumes the immense power of her magic is what’s keeping her alive. She deals very deeply in eldritch magic, and also boasts considerable healing/restorative powers. She’s still alive when Steven is born, and is loving as a mother, but... she tends to be very reclusive, and starts to keep him at arm’s length the older he becomes. (see: she’s super stressed and distracted about trying to find a way to save this realm when her ward fails in a few years.) This may be an AU, but Steven still gotta have mommy issues. 

-Pearl is her first love, the elven woman she fell for when she first came to protect this world. Rose has granted her long life, afraid to see the people she loves die. Pearl is a skilled fighter and mage, able to show others impeccably accurate visions of her memory in a cloud of smoke, conjure an illusionary version of any item she’s seen, and even summon light soldiers to cover her.

-Garnet is another early friend she made, during that initial fight against the eldritch beings trying to consume this plane of existence. Garnet has also been granted the power of long life. She is a clairvoyant seer who can see potential paths of the future, but while she uses this power she temporarily goes blind as she accesses her “third eye,” so to speak. As a result, this is a magic she must use wisely, outside immediate dangers. Haven’t decided what fantasy people she’s of.

-Amethyst is a young human girl these three came into care of much later, someone without a home to call her own. She’s scrappy, and is adept with forming illusions and shapeshifting. Her magic is very handy in conflict with distracting and disorienting others, and is also fun for cheap tricks to get a laugh. These days, it’s a rare day she’s NOT in some shapeshifted form.

-Greg is a human, and he’s absolutely a bard :D Most of his magic he actually learned from Rose, as his parents didn’t allow him to seek out magic training when he was a kid under their thumb. 

-Connie is a human who lives in one of the larger cities of this world with her parents, and she quite literally ran into Steven in the streets one day... which eventually lead to them striking up a close friendship and their stories intertwining. She’s always wanted to study magic, but as of late, with all the technological revolutions, texts on it are becoming harder and harder to find. Magic is becoming something that is more often only passed down within families... something unfairly insular. Neither her mother or father are innate magic users, so she has no one to teach her. No one, that is... until she met Steven and his family. Steven... who is the son of the literal most AMAZING sorceress who ever walked this world.

She is a quick learner, and over time picks up some mid-level telepathic abilities- which allow her to poke into people’s inner thoughts at will. She also becomes adept at scouring information- magically soaking up words in a book like a sponge, and at sensing hidden sources of magic many others cannot. She trains with Pearl as a swordfighter, as well. 

-Steven... genuinely believes he is a half-elf for most of his childhood. His mother is an elf, of course, and his father a human. He’s got pointed ears like his mom, and shares her natural magical aptitude. However, since he is actually half-eldritch instead, there’s a lot of very, very subtle, unusual physical quirks about him he doesn’t know to mask, some of which are:

His eyes shimmer with little pinpricks of light occasionally, almost as if an entire galaxy were encapsulated within them. This only happens when he’s feeling very strong emotions. It’s not something anyone would notice unless they were looking for it.

Sometimes... rarely... when you look at him close, it’s as if for a brief glimmer of a moment his form feels off. Like something’s missing, or your sight is somehow glitching. Like there’s something about him you can’t quite see.

He doesn’t feel warm to the touch, nor does he feel cold. The closest description of sensation I could make for what someone feels when making contact with him is like... TV static.

If you know him long enough, eventually you’ll grow to recognize a slight dissonant harmony within his voice. It’s very subtle, but always there.

These quirks are things Rose shares, but knowingly masks. Every single day she doesn’t tell him the truth about her origins is a day she fears these quirks will grow so strong it’ll put him in danger, but what’s even more dangerous is the thought of having to burden him with her secret, and... likely have to deal with the fallout of everyone discovering that she’s lied about what she is for all this time.

Steven’s magic is heavy on abjuration. He’s very adept at summoning barriers and shields and at casting all sorts of defensive spells. He can also bring plants to life, but this is incredibly draining for him earlier on in his magic training. He’s got a bit of healing ability, although nowhere near his mother’s, and he’s also a strong empath. As his power grows, so too does the strength and longevity of his shields and creations. However, along with that, his empathic abilities become so powerful that he often finds himself overwhelmed by the emotions of people around him. He’s largely unable to just “turn it off,” and thus prefers to stick to peaceful, secluded areas rather than trundle through highly populated areas all the time. Music is a really good diversion for him when he feels too overwhelmed by everyone’s emotions.

-At some point, Steven and Connie come to question Rose’s secrecy, and pry into what she’s doing a bit... Connie attempts to use her telepathy to peek into her surface thoughts, and... hoo boy, that’s not a super wise move on Connie’s part, because Rose can feel this girl picking around in her mind. The two of them get into big trouble, as Rose is terrified at people discovering her true identity at this point, at people learning about the truth and then pressing into her dangerous world. While she doesn’t intend to be, Rose gets kinda... scary when she’s upset. Don’t upset her.

[azvolrien]

An Incomplete Timeline of Stranatir

OK, despite the tag this is more of a reference document than a story; I mentioned once that I have a timeline drawn up to help keep when all my stories happen straight in my head. I update it periodically when I have new stuff to add, but this is what I have sorted out so far.

AI = ‘Anno imperii’, ‘in the Year of the Empire’ (I hope). Previous years are ‘BE’, ‘Before the Empire’, as ‘ante imperium’ would lead to confusion.

AI   1          Raan the Conqueror, chieftain of the Bear Tribe of Raan’s Fort (‘Ki-Raan’), finishes his campaign to unite the scattered Kargvallen (the ‘Jagged Lands’, an old name for the Kiraani Hills) tribes into a single nation; traditionally considered the founding of the Kiraani Empire. Things kind of escalate from there.

     1409    Schism of the Balaurin; the expansionist ‘Sky Kings’ led by Voice of the Mountain travel from the Dragon’s Teeth to the Eastern Highlands and enslave the orcs. I guess they thought it would be easier than trying to conquer the Kiraani, as the orcs had yet to invent ballistae.  

     1420    Approximate beginning of the Raiding Period – an era in Sea Loch history characterised by warfare and raiding between the people of the different lochs, each under the leadership of a different local monarch. Vikings, basically. Kiraan glances in their direction and decides to let things settle down over there before attempting anything.

     1740    Traditionally considered the end of the Raiding Period, with the unification of the Sea Lochs under High King Fergus. Local monarchs keep their titles but swear fealty to the High King.

     2109    The Sea Loch Country and the Hawk Steppes are annexed into the Kiraani Empire; the Emperor adds ‘High King’ and ‘Great Khan’ to his list of titles. The nation of Stormhaven is founded when a slave ship runs aground on the coast and Queen Eleri the First (just Eleri at that point) masterminds the escape. On the other side of the continent, Ikara the Black leads the orcs (who have now invented ballistae, and have also worked out a few useful things about ‘blast pulp’) in the Last Revolt against the Sky Kings; Voice of the Mountain and all other dragons in the Eastern Highlands (save one) are slain. Some of the Sky Kings successfully escape the mountains and join communities in the lowlands to the west, but most are killed with the dragons.

     2214    The Devourer appears at Eyrie Spire and begins consuming magic for miles around. To date no one is completely sure what it really was (not even me!). Almost all dragons die in the event, leaving only a handful of survivors and unhatched eggs; Balaurin civilisation collapses without them. Most human survivors quietly integrate into the Mammoth People on the ice fields to the north or Kiraan south of the mountains and a few remain in the mountains with most of the surviving  dragons, but some become more belligerent. The Balaurin mage Morath (known to Stormhaven as the Harbinger) and her dragon Dark Shadow over the Frozen Land (‘Shadow’) come to Stormhaven in warning and are slain in battle against an invading Balaurin faction.

     2696    Crown Prince Zarannon of Kiraan (‘Zar’, and believe it or not that was not an intentional pun on ‘Tsar’) is born to Emperor Kaial III and Imperial Consort Aysel Darehyin Yaigani.

     2702    Lorna, an eighteen-year-old girl of the Sea People, becomes disillusioned with the violent culture of her remote island birthplace and steals a boat to defect to the mainland. She is caught in a storm on the way and washes up on a beach in the Sea Loch Country, where she is taken in by Bruide MacDovran, his wife Morag, and their son Euan (also eighteen). Although she’s unofficially adopted into the family, her relationship with Euan is very much not that of brother and sister.  

     2710    26th Voynithi/March – Roan is born to Lorna and Euan, and orphaned by raiders a couple of months later; she is then raised by her widowed grandfather Bruide, who cannot bear to keep using NicEuan as her patronymic and changes it to NicBruide, the name she will bear for the rest of her life.

     2711    15th of Sirakithi/January – Fayn reyth Aren is born. The village priest views her albinism as a terrible omen and insists that they leave her in the forest to die. Her parents Aren and Kayun can’t completely overrule him, but manage to talk him down to allowing her to live just outside the village boundaries in the care of her eldest sister Una. Una does a pretty good job, all things considered, and is probably the biggest reason Fayn had both the skills to survive alone and the ability to eventually return to civilisation.  

                 8th of Rivedi/July – Asta zeDamar is born. There’s not really anything more interesting to say about that part of her life; she has a fairly happy and nondescript middle-class upbringing up until the point everything goes horribly wrong for her.

                 16th of Messis/September – Wygar Smith is born, and left at a Stormhaven orphanage by his biological parents Wyatt and Irwen (no surname) two days later. Nicholas and Mari Smith adopt him after a month in the orphanage; he doesn’t remember it, but once he’s financially capable of it he makes regular donations to the orphanage.

     2716    Nirali is born. (cradle name: ‘Blue Eyes’) Unlike Fayn’s experience, her albinism is noted as unusual and her parents are advised to be careful with sun exposure, but it otherwise has no effect on her upbringing. Her eccentricities are entirely her own.

     2717    Emperor Kaial orders the genocide of the Falkari people out of paranoia; only Fayn survives. Zar, horrified, cuts all ties to his father not strictly related to his duties as Crown Prince and immediately starts planning what he’ll do to try and atone for it once he takes the throne. Stormhaven declares war shortly after the massacre.

     2719    The Darkwald War ends with the signing of Treaty of Harbinger Pass; nobody can really be said to have conclusively won or lost but hostilities between Stormhaven and the Empire are officially over. Unofficially, Stormhaven is not totally convinced, so the Harbinger Gate is constructed to block the pass. The Darkwald as far south as the Stone River is designated an official buffer zone between Stormhaven and the Empire. People can still pass through from one to the other but the only activity allowed within the zone is services for travellers on the Great Darkwald Road, such as roadside campsites and the village of Halfway.

     2723    Wygar begins his apprenticeship at the Stormhaven College of Sorcery alongside Calburn, Rhona and the rest of their yearmates.

     2726    Karash is born. (cradle name: ‘Honey’)

     2731    Roan graduates from the University of Duncraig following the death of her grandfather earlier in the year and begins working in a bank.

     2732    Asta graduates from the Imperial University of Kiraan. Her parents are killed in an accident; she sells herself into slavery to cover their considerable debts (in Nivalis/December) and is purchased by Lady Fiona MacArra as a secretary. Fiona initially offers her freedom but Asta declines on the grounds that she would just be out on the street. Instead she agrees to stay with Fiona for five years or until Fiona’s death, whichever comes soonest. Roan decides she hates working in a bank, resigns, and moves to Dun Ardech to live, as Asta put it, as a semi-feral sea witch. Nirali begins training as a Memory-Singer.

     2736    Voynithi: Wygar and his yearmates leave the College for the traditional journeying year.

     2737    Events of The Last Shapeshifter and most of Water Horses.

                 Voynithi: Wygar returns from his journeying year and meets Fayn in the Darkwald, where she’s been living a mostly feral existence since the Falkari genocide. She accompanies him back to Stormhaven and adjusts surprisingly well.

                 Gracilis/November: Wygar and Fayn marry. They acknowledge that this is pretty soon but it works for them. Death of Lady Fiona MacArra.

                 Nivalis: Asta’s manumission in Fiona’s will is overruled and her ownership passes to Lord Darius ‘Daro’ MacArra, Fiona’s grandson, who has had his eye on her since she first came to Duncraig. Asta escapes from Castle MacArra (not unscathed) and flees to Dun Ardech, where she meets Roan.

     2738    Sirakithi: Daro kidnaps Asta from Dun Ardech with the help of his guards and a hired crew; Roan kills him and rescues her. Asta travels to Stormhaven aboard the merchant ship Curlew at Roan’s insistence and finds work in the College’s admin office.

                 Nivalis: Wygar and Fayn travel to the Northern Forest at Zar’s request to investigate a spate of mysterious disappearances there. Events of The Northern Forest.

     2739    Nivalis: Death (from old age) of Emperor Kaial; Zar ascends the Imperial throne to become Emperor Zarannon IV, with his coronation held on the winter solstice. Wygar and Fayn attend with the Stormhaven delegation. Events of To Kiraan. Aysel leaves the Imperial City and returns home to the Hawk Steppes.

     2740    Sirakithi: Under Zar’s new Protection of Slaves Act, Clan MacArra are arrested and imprisoned for their horrific abuse of their slaves. Now that it’s safe for her to do so, Asta returns to Dun Ardech to live with Roan. Specifically on the 7th.

                 12th of Rivedi: Una Falkari Smith is born. Calburn and Rhona travel to the Hawk Steppes and travel with a band of Yaigan nomads for a while. Events of The Hawk Steppes.

                 Gracilis: Wygar and Fayn travel to the Darkwald for Una’s naming ceremony.

     2742    Ikara is born. (Cradle name: ‘Little Red’) Karash begins training as a Memory-Singer.

     2744    Torsani/June: Karash and Ikara are orphaned in the Fever Summer. Karash takes on parental duties for his infant half-sister; juggling his training with raising her is difficult, but he manages.

                 Nivalis: Asta and Roan marry.

     2746    Wygar reconnects with his biological family, somewhat by accident. He never really comes to think of Wyatt and Irwen as his parents, but he remains on cordial terms with them and Una does consider them her grandparents.

     2748    Wygar, Calburn and Rhona go missing on the far western continent and are presumed dead. Events of Centaurs of Varakai.

     2749    Wygar, Calburn and Rhona make it home to Stormhaven, accompanied by the Red Sun centaur herd. The Red Suns go to live on the Hawk Steppes, where the landscape suits them a bit better. The Steppe tribes are surprised but generally roll with it.

     2750    Events of The Lady of Kaltara. Wygar, Fayn and Una go on holiday to Stonehead. Fayn is kidnapped by Mara Kovar, the Lady of Kaltara, and Wygar and Una travel to rescue her.

     2752    Una begins her own apprenticeship at the College.

     2754    Nivalis: Roan goes missing fishing in a winter storm. Riabhach rescues her from the water and gets her safely to the island of Starwatch. Una and some other apprentices visit the Order of Night on the island and are caught up in a raid by a band of Sea People led by the warrior Svanna, the daughter of Lorna’s sister and so Roan’s first cousin unbeknownst to either of them. Events of The Island of Stars.

     2756    High Master Idris Carwel retires; Wygar is promoted to take his place as head of the School of Combat. Nobody is really surprised by this.

     2758    Ikara begins training as an Initiate Windkindred.  

     2764    Ikara bonds with the rukh Tsheer and ascends to full Windsister.

     2765    Una leaves on her journeying year. She meets Bright Star in the High Cold Dark (‘Star’) in the Dragon’s Teeth, accidentally forms a permanent blood-bond with the young dragon, and is adopted by the surviving Balaurin. The Sea People invade Stormhaven in force under King Torann, but are defeated (read: their fleet is practically obliterated) by the Balaurin dragons.

     2767    Events of Anchored Tempest. The Balaurin relocate from Journey’s End to Ornfell, close enough to the Sea Loch Country for much easier trade. Una and Star travel to the Eastern Highlands and encounter the orcs. Halted Flow of the River of Time (‘River’), the last survivor of the Sky Kings’ faction, is discovered guarding a cache of five hundred viable dragon eggs held in stasis. River is killed; the Balaurin transport the eggs to Ornfell for incubation.

     2768    Interim between Anchored Tempest and its epilogue. Karash, Ikara and Nirali accompany Una on her journey back across the continent from the Eastern Highlands to Stormhaven, acting as something between explorers and unofficial ambassadors between the orcs and the wider world. They have a few hurdles along the way, but overall it goes well. I haven’t decided anything more specific yet.

[maddrmatt]

Kairi’s Epic Journey: The Quest for Sora

New to this fanfic? Click here to properly begin!

Chapter 17: Friends of a Friend

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“I’ve got to say, Pluto, this world is definitely a far cry from Never Land,” said Kairi as she gazed at her surroundings.  Pluto nodded.

When she first arrived in this new world, she almost panicked because she and Pluto had materialized right in the middle of a village.  She was dreading having to do some difficult explaining but fortunately, no one seemed to have noticed a girl and a dog appearing out of thin air. Perhaps it was due to some magic of the Wayfinder.

Once the shock had worn off, Kairi took in the scenery.  She saw that the village bordered an ocean much like her hometown on the Islands.  But though it was spring, the weather didn’t feel as warm.  And when she turned around and saw the immense mountain range, she knew that this world was nothing like she had been to before.

“Well, Pluto, what do you say we walk around and see what we can see?  Maybe we can get a hint of what we’re supposed to do here?” asked Kairi who received a bark of agreement in response.

Together, the girl and the dog strolled through the village.  As they walked into an area that appeared to be a marketplace, Kairi held the Wayfinder in her hand.

‘I still wish I knew exactly what I did in Never Land to make it glow.  It would make this quest a whole lot easier,’ she thought.

“Hoo-hoo!” exclaimed a voice snapping Kairi out of her thoughts.

Kairi turned and saw that she had wandered near one of the stalls.  It contained all sorts of things for sale.

Standing near it was a burly man wearing a knitted sweater and hat.  He had strawberry-blonde hair with sideburns and a moustache and was wearing a friendly smile.

“Big spring blowout! Got a good selection of sundresses, sunhats and a sun balm of my own invention.  Get yourself good and prepared for summer, ja?  I’ll even throw in a complimentary dip in the sauna,” he said gesturing to a steaming box situated near the stall.

“Um no thanks.  I’m not really shopping right now.  I’m just…” stopped Kairi as something near the stall caught her eye.

“Those flowers!” she exclaimed as she looked over the flowers of various shapes and colors in pots near the stall.

“Ah, you like them? I grew them myself,” said the man.

“You certainly did a great job.  They’re beautiful, Mr.…?”

“Wandering Oaken, at your service, young lady,” said the man introducing himself.

“I’m Kairi and this is Pluto,” said Kairi as the dog barked.

“Well, Miss Kairi, would you be interested in buying some?  Add a touch of hygge to your home?”

“Hygge?  What does that mean?” asked Kairi perplexed.

“It means comfort, coziness, everything that gives you a nice feeling,” said Oaken.

“Oh,” said Kairi.  ‘I guess the feeling I’d get whenever I was just hanging around the Play Island with Sora and Riku; that was my hygge.’

“Well, they would probably look good in my mother’s garden.  But I’m from pretty far away so even I could buy them, I couldn’t take them home with me. They probably wouldn’t survive the trip.”

“Oh.  You are a tourist, ja?” asked Oaken.

“You could say that.  But I will say that if I could, I would bring these wonderful flowers home with me,” said Kairi.  ‘They certainly bring back memories.’

As Kairi looked at the flowers, she recalled what little she could of her life in Radiant Garden before she washed up on the Destiny Islands.  She remembered going through the various namesake gardens, picking flowers and giving them to her grandmother or anybody she thought could use some flowers.

‘I’ve often said that my life before the Destiny Islands didn’t matter.  I was only a little girl back then and there couldn’t have been much difference between Radiant Garden Kairi and Destiny Islands Kairi.  In fact, if I’m being honest with myself, I think my life truly began the day Sora found me on that beach and smiled at me.  Still, I can’t help but wonder…”

“ACHOO!”

Kairi was snapped out of her thoughts by a loud sneeze from behind.  Following it, she felt something hit her in the back before hearing whatever it was fall to the ground.

The Princess of Heart turned around and looked down.  A puzzled look came to her face as she bent down and picked up what had struck her in the back.

“A carrot?  Where did this come from?” she asked.

In response, Pluto just gave a look that indicated he was as surprised as she was.  Oaken, however, just gave a pleasant smile as if the sudden appearance of the carrot was no surprise to him at all.

A few minutes passed before Kairi heard, from directly ahead of her, a voice exclaim, “Oh good!  You’ve found my nose!”

She looked in the direction of the voice and saw a surprising sight.  Waddling toward her, Pluto and Oaken, was a snowman with a small snowing cloud hovering above him.

Upon reaching them, he looked up to Oaken with a pleasant smile and said, “Hello Mr. Wandering Oaken!”

“Hello, magical talking snowman! Looks like you’ve been smelling flowers again, ja?” responded Oaken with a smile of his own.

“Oh yes.  You know, I really ought to hold my nose whenever I do that, so it won’t go flying off when I sneeze.  But then again, it doesn’t really make much sense to hold your nose if you want to smell flowers.  Am I right?”

Oaken nodded in agreement.  Kairi, though she was still stunned to see a walking, talking snowman, managed to nod as well.

“Anyway, thank you so much for finding it.  Usually my friend Sven catches my nose when that happens.  He usually also sticks it on after he pretends to eat it so if you wouldn’t mind,” the snowman said as he pointed to the spot on his face where a nose would normally be.

“Oh, uh, sure,” said Kairi as she stuck the carrot in the spot he indicated.

The snowman’s smile got bigger. “There!  That looks so much better now, isn’t it?”

“Yes.  It actually does,” Kairi admitted.

The snowman giggled.  “You’re too kind.  I like you.  Oh, but where are my manners?  I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs,” he said reaching out his stick hand.

Kairi overcame her shock and gave the snowman a smile as she took his hand and shook it.  “It’s very nice to meet you, Olaf.  I’m Kairi and this is Pluto.”

Olaf gazed at Pluto.  “Well, he’s a funny looking reindeer, isn’t he?”

Pluto gave a yelp of surprise. Kairi laughed.

“He’s not a reindeer.  He’s a dog,” she said in between laughs.

“Oh!  My mistake.  You see, I’m still less than a year old.  There’s still so much I need to learn.  But I’m sure I’ll know plenty when I am older,” said Olaf.

Pluto let out a grumbling growl showing he was still annoyed at Olaf’s comment.  Kairi gave him a pat on the head.

“Don’t take it personally, Pluto. Still better than being called a cat, right?” asked Kairi.

Pluto thought for a minute.  Then he smiled and nodded.

“So, Kairi, I’m guessing you’re new here, right?” asked Olaf.

“Is it obvious?”

“You were acting like most people do whenever they see me for the first time.  Like you’d never seen a snowman before.  Anyway, what brings you to Arendelle?  Because if you’re looking for something fun, I know a few things you can try,” said Olaf.

Kairi’s face fell a little. “Actually Olaf, I’ve come here because Pluto and I doing something very important.  Maybe you can help us.  Have you ever seen or met someone named Sora?”

Olaf let out a gasp of surprise as he lifted his head off of his body.  “Brown spiky hair?  Little underdressed for cold weather?  Usually with an unusual pair named Donald and Goofy?  Wait, are you a friend of his?”

“Yes, I am.  Have you…”  But Kairi was unable to finish her question because Olaf had become absolutely ecstatic.

“Oh, I knew today was going to be a good day!  I always like making new friends.  But making a friend who’s a friend of a friend is so exciting!  I can’t wait to tell Anna, Elsa and everyone else at the castle about this!” said Olaf giddily.

Two of Olaf’s words struck a sudden realization within Kairi.  “Anna? Elsa?”

“The princess and her sister, the queen. Such a wonderful pair.  Arendelle is lucky to have them.  Did you know that the princess met her boyfriend at my trading post up in the mountains?” piped up Oaken.

“Really?” asked Kairi.

“Oh ja!  And they make such a nice couple, even if her boyfriend called me a crook when they met.  But I think he was just stressed due to the unexpected blizzard in July.”

Kairi’s mind, however, was reeling from what she had just learned. ‘I’m in the home world of two of the new Princesses of Heart!  Maybe what I’m supposed to do here is connected to them!’

“Olaf?” asked Kairi.

Olaf stopped his happy rant and asked, “Yes, Kairi?”

“Do you think it would be possible if I could meet Queen Elsa and Princess Anna?”

Olaf’s smile got bigger. “Of course, you can!  They’d love to meet you.  Ever since they opened up the gates, they love meeting new people! Follow me!” he exclaimed as he toddled off.

“Thank you,” said Kairi as she followed behind with Pluto following alongside her.

But before they got very far, they Oaken cry out, “Hold on!”

Kairi turned around and saw Oaken approaching her.  He had a vase in his hands filled with some of his flowers.  He handed them to Kairi.

“What’s this for?” she asked.

“Well, if you’re going to meet the queen and the princess, you ought to bring a little gift for them,” he responded.

“But I can’t afford to buy this. This vase looks way too expensive,” said Kairi.

“Oh, never mind about that.  It’s on the house.  Consider it a token for someone who knows how to appreciate lovely flowers,” said Oaken.

Kairi smiled.  “Thank you so much.”

“Come on, Kairi!  I want my friend of a friend to meet my other friends,” said the snowman as he came back and tugged on Kairi’s arm.

“I’m coming.  Thanks again, Oaken!”

“You’re very welcome.  Farewell, Miss Kairi.  Hope you enjoy your time in Arendelle!” called Oaken.

‘I certainly will.  That is, if this visit gets me closer to finding Sora in some way,’ thought Kairi as she and Pluto walked away with Olaf.

________________________________________________________________

Much later, Kairi, Pluto and Olaf were in another part of the village closer to the castle.  As they walked, Olaf talked about what happened when Sora, Donald and Goofy visited Arendelle.

“Did you know when I first met Sora, I got my foot stuck in his hair?” asked Olaf.

Kairi chuckled. “Actually, that’s not too unbelievable. You will not believe the stuff that got in his spikes when we were younger.”

“It certainly was an unusual way to meet a friend,” said Olaf.

“More unusual than sneezing your nose into someone’s back?” asked Kairi with a sly smile.

Olaf giggled. “Okay, you got me there.  But after we became friends, Sora, Donald and Goofy were so good to me.  They even helped put me back together after those Heartless monsters caused me to fall apart.  They did a good job even though they made a few mistakes when they were looking for my body.  Well, we’re here,” said Olaf.

Kairi looked ahead and saw they were now on a bridge leading up to a large castle.  It was surrounded by a wall with multiple towers with the only way in being a pair of open gates.

The three strolled up to the gates which had a guard on either side of them.  They eyed Kairi with suspicion.

“It’s okay, guys. She’s with me,” said Olaf.

Taking the snowman’s word, the guards’ expressions softened.  They gestured for Kairi to enter.

Stepping through the gates and into a large courtyard, Kairi asked, “So where is the queen and her sister?”

Olaf put a finger to his chin and thought.  “Hmm. Well, I know Elsa was having a very important meeting and it’s probably still going on right now.  As for Anna and Kristoff, there was something they needed to do today.  But I can’t remember what it was.”

Suddenly, a loud voice shouted from a nearby stable, “Come on, Sven!  You’ve got to do this!”

Then the same voice said, in a slightly different and more goofy tone, “But I don’t want to!”

“Oh, that’s right! It’s Sven’s bath day!” exclaimed Olaf as he led Kairi to the stable.

Before they could enter, Olaf stopped Kairi.  “Let me go in and introduce you first.  Sven might be a little embarrassed about a stranger seeing him bathing.  But just remember one thing, Kairi,” he said as he gestured for Kairi to come closer.

“What is it, Olaf?” she asked as she leaned in.

Olaf whispered, “Kristoff is the man and Sven is the reindeer.  Try not to get them mixed up.  Got it?”

“Uh sure.  Thanks for clearing that up,” said Kairi who was a little befuddled.  ‘Who could ever get a reindeer and a man mixed up?’

Olaf smiled. “Okay.  I won’t keep you waiting for long.  They are going to love you!”

Then, a loud splash was heard from within the stable.  Following it, was the male voice from earlier sputtering accompanied by a female voice laughing.  There was also some kind of animal making a laughing sound as well.

“Oh.  Sounds like Sven decided Kristoff needed to take his bath first!” giggled Olaf as he walked into the stable.

Kairi shook her head amusedly.  ‘Amazing how this little guy says the most unusual things as if they’re normal.  But I guess that’s part of his charm.’

Kairi set the vase down and started to dust off her clothing and straighten out her hair. Pluto looked at her in confusion as if he didn’t understand why she felt to need to groom herself.

Kairi noticed her friend’s confusion and said, “I’m about to meet a princess and then a queen, Pluto, so I’d like to look somewhat presentable.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned having a politician for a father, it’s that first impressions are very important.  And I’m sure you know this because your owner is a king, right?”

Pluto understood and gave the girl a nod.  Kairi smiled and went back to her grooming.

As she worked on making herself presentable, she heard Olaf’s voice within the stable say, “Hi Anna! Hi Kristoff!  Hi Sven!”

“Hello Olaf!  Did you enjoy your day in town?” asked the female voice.

“Oh yes!  And something amazing happened!  I was smelling flowers and I sneezed my nose off!” exclaimed the snowman’s voice.

The female voice chuckled, “Olaf!  Doesn’t that happen every time you smell flowers?”

“This time, something very special happened.  I followed my nose and it led to me to a new friend.  And not just a friend but a friend of a friend!” exclaimed Olaf.

“A friend of a friend?” asked the male voice.

“Yes.  And I brought her here to meet you.  She’s right outside.  Come on in, Kairi!” called Olaf.

Kairi picked up the vase and took a deep breath.  “Okay, Pluto. Let’s meet some royalty.”

With that, Kairi walked into the stable.  She saw Olaf standing alongside a woman with red hair tied in pigtails and dressed in a pale green dress.  Standing nearby was a muscular, blonde haired man who looked a little drenched and a reindeer who was giving a friendly smile.

The woman approached Kairi and gave her a smile.  “Well, hello. You must be Olaf’s new friend. I’m Anna, princess of Arendelle and I welcome you to our castle.”

Kairi kneeled downward and presented the vase to Anna.  Pluto bowed his head.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.  My name is Kairi, and this is my dog Pluto. These are for you and your sister the queen.”

Anna took the vase from Kairi and sniffed the flowers, taking delight in their pleasant scent. “They’re lovely.  Thank you, Kairi.  You’re very thoughtful.”

The man then came over to Kairi.  “Pleasure to meet you, Kairi.  I’m Kristoff, Official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer.  You’ll have to forgive my appearance.  Apparently, my reindeer Sven still doesn’t like to take baths,” he said shooting an annoyed look at the reindeer.

“But Kristoff, I don’t like to take baths,” Kristoff then said in the goofy tone as if he was speaking for Sven.

“Well, I’m not too fond of them either.  But we live in a castle now so you’re just going to have to get used to it,” Kristoff shot back.

Kairi giggled.  “I know what you mean.  It’s nearly impossible to get Pluto to take a bath too,” she said as the dog huffed indignantly.

“Oh, this is so great. My friends are getting along so well with my new friend of a friend!” exclaimed Olaf.

Anna gave a look of confusion.  “What exactly is Olaf talking about, Kairi?  Do you know someone he knows?”

“Actually, Your Majesty, I think you all know someone I know,” said Kairi.

Anna, Kristoff, and Sven exchanged confused looks.  “Who?” asked Anna.

Kairi was about to answer Anna’s question when Olaf let out another gasp of surprise and said, “Kairi’s right!  Sora’s our friend too so we’re all friends of a friend!”

Anna and Kristoff’s jaws dropped in surprise as did Sven’s.  “Sora?” inquired both humans.

Kairi nodded. “Yes.  Sora’s one of my best friends.”

Anna smiled. “Well, this certainly is a surprise.”

“I probably should’ve guessed it.  Your clothes look very much like his,” said Kristoff.

Anna took a look at Kairi’s outfit.  “You’re right, Kristoff.  They are pretty similar.  Though lucky for you, Kairi, it’s a much better fit for the weather right now than when Sora was here.  It’s amazing he didn’t freeze being so underdressed.”

“But, Anna, I don’t think anyone expected to get caught in Elsa’s winter. I doubt anyone had time to dress for it.  Some just apparently took off into the blizzard wearing nothing but their coronation dress,” said Kristoff teasingly.

“Heh-heh.  You do have a point there,” said Anna while sheepishly chuckling.

“You really did that?” asked Kairi with a laugh.

“Yes.  I wasn’t really good at thinking things through back then,” said Anna.

“So, Kairi, how’s Sora been anyway?  We haven’t seen him since Elsa brought back summer,” said Olaf.

Kairi’s smile vanished as she sat down on a nearby barrel.  “So, I guess that means none of you have seen him lately.”

Kristoff suddenly became confused.  “Um no. Should we have?”

Anna took notice of Kairi’s change in mood.  “Kairi, what’s wrong?  Did something happen to him?” she asked with concern.

Kairi silently considered how to tell them about Sora’s fate knowing that she would have to withhold certain information.  ‘Last world, even though Peter was aware of the other worlds, I couldn’t tell him the whole truth because I didn’t think he and the Lost Boys would understand. Now I’m with someone who might be able to understand but doesn’t know about the other worlds.  It’s times like these I really hate the world order rules because they cause us to be dishonest in the name of protection.’

“Yes, Your Majesty. Something really bad happened to Sora and he’s been lost ever since.  That’s why Pluto and I have come to your kingdom.  We’ve been trying to find him.  But so far, we haven’t had any luck,” said Kairi hanging her head.

Then, Kairi felt someone take her right hand.  She looked and saw it was Olaf.  The snowman gazed at her with sympathy.

“That’s so awful.  No one should be apart from their friends,” said Olaf.

‘I agree with you completely, Olaf.  Unfortunately, it’s happened too many times for me,’ thought Kairi.

As Olaf continued to hold Kairi’s hand, Pluto nuzzled up against Kairi’s leg to comfort her.  In addition, Sven approached her and nuzzled her shoulder in sympathy.  Kairi gave a grateful smile to the three of them for their gestures of comfort.

“Is there anything we can do?” asked Kristoff.

“Unless you can give me any hint on where Sora is, I don’t think there is,” said Kairi.

Anna gazed at Kairi and saw an all-too familiar pain.  ‘It’s that same pain that I felt all those years separated from Elsa.  Although I’d say hers is even greater because even though Elsa and I were apart, at least I knew where she was.’

The princess of Arendelle placed her hand on Kairi’s shoulder.  “We may not have anything that could you help you find him, Kairi.  But we’ll help you in any way that we can. Right, boys?” asked Anna to which Kristoff, Sven and Olaf nodded.

“You will?” asked Kairi.

“Of course.  We had problems with those Heartless monsters when Elsa set off that eternal winter.  Though I don’t fully understand it, I’ve had a feeling that Sora, Donald and Goofy did something to make them go away,” said Kristoff.

“Oh yes they did! And my little brother told me he helped them fight off a really big one too!” exclaimed Olaf.

“And though I can’t explain it but I have a feeling that we owe Sora a great debt.  So, the least we could do is help you find some sort of clue to wherever he is.  Maybe we can ask around the kingdom and see if anyone’s seen him,” said Anna.

“We could even go the Valley of Living Rock and ask Grand Pabbie if he can help,” said Kristoff.

“I’m sure we’ll find Sora in no time!” exclaimed Olaf as Sven grunted in equal enthusiasm.

Kairi’s heart rose upon hearing her new friends’ ideas.  ‘It’s touching how they’re all willing to help despite just meeting me. Sora, you’ve definitely made your mark on so many hearts throughout the worlds.  Maybe, with their help, I’ll find some sort of clue to find you.’

“And while we help you, Kairi, I insist that you and your dog stay here at the castle as our guests,” said Anna.

Kairi gasped in surprise. “Oh no, Your Majesty.  I don’t think you need to go that far.”

Then, suddenly, Kairi’s stomach let out a loud growl causing everyone else to chuckle.

“You’re not going to help Sora without a good meal and some good rest.  As princess of Arendelle, I will not take no for an answer,” said Anna.

“I guess you’re right. I do have some Potions and Elixirs in my pack.  But they don’t compare to a real meal.  And I guess sleeping in a castle beats camping out in the forest,” said Kairi.

“So it’s settled.  But one more thing, Kairi,” said Anna with a serious look on her face.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” asked Kairi nervously.

Anna’s face softened into a friendly smile.  “None of this calling me, ‘Your Majesty’ anymore.  You can just call me Anna.  And the same will go for Elsa too.  You’re a friend of Sora so that makes you our friend too.”

Kairi smiled back. “Thanks, Your Majes…I mean, Anna. And thank all of you for wanting to help me find Sora.”

“Yay!  It’s been less than a day and Kairi’s already staying for a sleepover!” shouted Olaf with glee.

Anna giggled at her friend’s statement before her tone became serious again.  “Yes.  It will be nice to have a guest here that we can actually stand,” she said with a disdainful look on her face.

“Now, Anna, let’s not go through this again,” said Kristoff.

“I can’t help it. I still can’t believe Elsa actually allowed him to set foot in Arendelle after what he tried to do,” said Anna folding her arms.

“What’s going on?” asked Kairi.

Kristoff rubbed the back of his head and said, “Don’t get us wrong, Kairi.  We’re glad to meet you and have you as our guest.  But you have come at a pretty difficult time.”

“Yes,” said Olaf gesturing for Kairi to lean in closer to him so he could whisper his next statement in her ear.

“The Weasel’s come back.”

________________________________________________________________

Onto the next chapter!

[chaoswillfallrpg]

SEVERUS SNAPE is TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and a POTIONEER in KNOCKTURN ALLEY at MR MULPEPPER’S APOTHECARY. He looks remarkably like VIVEIK KALRA and considers himself aligned with THE DEATH EATERS. He is currently TAKEN. 

→ OVERVIEW:

Bitter and arrogant, Severus Snape always thought of himself as the smartest person in the room. The only child born to Muggle, TOBIAS SNAPE and Witch, EILEEN PRINCE, he grew up in Spinner's End which was located at the poor end of Cokeworth. A curious boy, his thirst for information could not be quenched by the neighbouring children, but instead by the books piled high in every crevice of his small terraced house. Severus grew up alone, not because he was an only child but because that was the way he liked it. Thankful that he didn't have an annoying sibling following him around, he thrived by himself in his room. His mother pestered him constantly to go out and play with the children outside, but to her dismay he stayed put with his abnormally large nose in a book. Eventually she left him to it, much easier to allow the boy to stay in his room than to be under the feet of his father. Tobias Snape was a cold man, not one fit for fatherhood. What little time he spent at Spinner’s End was wasted in his armchair by the fire, taking no notice of his son and only acknowledging his wife when she did something worthy of a scolding. Severus grew to hate his father but was never bold enough to say it out loud. He kept it to himself, identifying further and further with the Prince side of his family rather than the Muggle side he grew to loathe year upon year. 

His father forced him to develop a growing disdain for Muggles and what he thought they represented. If they could be this cold and cruel towards their own kin, then what must they be like towards others? Severus enjoyed his sheltered life, not even realising what he was missing. Happy in his home-made solitude he spent his days in his room drinking in as much information as he could. To Severus, knowledge was power and he who yielded it correctly could do just about anything. His solitude ended however on the day he met LILY EVANS. Walking down the street on one unusually hot September afternoon, he spotted her walking home from the Muggle school just round the corner. Meeting Lily opened up his life to an entire world he had been missing, and he opened hers in turn. A Muggle-Born witch, Lily had no understanding of the Wizarding World, and Severus was more than happy to tell her all about it. Usually one to shy away from others, not having a high attention span for other people's lack of intelligence, Severus found Lily strangely enticing. Teaching her about the magical world and all it contained was the happiest he could be, as she sat in awe. Ever since that September afternoon the pair were inseparable, Severus would spend his days no longer in his room, but reading by the lake near Lily’s house while she was at school. They discussed magical creatures, wizarding politics and most of all Hogwarts. September 1st came around quickly and Severus boarded the train with his second-hand trunk filled with his second-hand books. 

Sorted into Slytherin, he watched from his table as Lily made her way towards her new house, Gryffindor. He sulked as he saw her make new friends who would become his biggest enemies in the years to follow. Dreams of the pair spending their Hogwarts years together quickly dwindling, Severus made friends or rather acquaintances with some fellow snakes he was to be sharing a dorm with. JASPER AVERY and LARKIN MULCIBER were friends from before Hogwarts, but were happy to welcome him into the fold if he matched their Pure-Blood ideals that had been handed down to them from their fathers. Taking this new chapter in his stride, he became close to the pair and got involved in their more light-hearted jesting of the other students. Only able to take them in small doses however he often found himself alone. He got a reprieve from the loneliness the following year when REGULUS BLACK joined Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin alongside him. A quiet and sullen boy much like himself, the pair got on exceptionally well, often reading in silence and discussing more intellectual subjects than Avery and Mulciber were seemingly capable of. What little time Severus wasn't spending with his nose in a book he would spend staring across to the Gryffindor table. He watched throughout the years as Lily made friends with the Marauders. JAMES POTTER, SIRIUS BLACK, REMUS LUPIN and PETER PETTIGREW slowly became famous at Hogwarts, shining in the foreground of Lily’s life while Severus felt himself slowly fade away from her life. 

What started as small glances here and there became an obsession with the boys who occupied Lily’s day and bitterly disliked him as he took up whatever little time she had left. James, the ringleader of the group despised Severus and encouraged his little minions to join him in the torment. James’ dislike for Severus however was nothing in comparison to the Slytherins' dislike of James; his arrogant egocentric personality made him an easy target for Severus’ disdain. Severus truly despised the boy due to his total and complete ability to capture the attention of Lily, who whenever he would glance over to the Gryffindor table almost seemed to be softening towards the scruffy-haired boys clear attention-seeking antics. His friendship with Lily had become strained over the years, both tried to keep it alive and thriving but the influences of their different friendship groups led to tension between the pair. Severus spent most of his free time investigating the group of misfit Gryffindors that were stealing his friend away, adamant they were hiding something, their cruel taunts, ‘Snivellus’ jokes and their closeness to a certain redhead only adding fuel to his fire. It all came to a head when a prank gone wrong masterminded by Sirius ended up with Severus owing a life debt to the one he despised the most, James Potter. He had followed the group one evening with a personal invite to do so by Black to find Lupin turning into a werewolf in front of his very eyes, a stag jumped between the pair and led the beast away. 

Severus later found out in PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE’s office that the stag was none other than James in his animagus form when the headmaster was swearing him to secrecy about the matter. After the incident Severus tried to keep away from the Marauders and Lily consequently. The time he used to spend watching them he would now spend in a foggy potions room working on elixirs that were far beyond the capabilities of a normal Hogwarts student. He thrived in the subject, along with DADA and when it came to revising he would seek out Reg rather than Lily more and more. The last thread keeping their friendship alive was cut the day James Potter decided to use one of his own spells against him. Severus had a knack for inventing new spells, and the Levicorpus spell had taken Hogwarts by storm, not knowing he was the creator of the charm, James used it to humiliate Severus in front of Lily and his friends. On this occasion, like so many others, Lily defended the boy, still under the illusion he was her best friend even though they hardly spoke these days. Severus was not a boy who wanted to appear weak, he didn't like the idea of people thinking he couldn't defend himself, and so he took his annoyance out on the only person he truly cared for and before he could think the words ‘filthy mudblood’ were out of his mouth. The next thing he knew he was hanging upside down by his ankles from a tree and watched as Lily walked away from him and their friendship. After that Severus fell further into the crowd of Slytherins, following the path his housemates pathed for him, he and his friends would use the word ‘mudblood’ with much more frequency, so much so that it drew the attention of Larkin’s older brother who had a proposition for the trio. 

The three boys were introduced to THE DARK LORD, a man who had ideas about blood purity and what to do with mudbloods, fueled by his annoyance of the Marauders and Lily, and the fact it would seem Regulus was already part of the fold, Severus signed himself up to the cause. Severus finished Hogwarts with exceptional grades, the best potioneer PROFESSOR SLUGHORN had seen in all his years of teaching and fell in to working at Mr Mulpepper’s Apothecary as a potioneer. When not working at the shop, Severus is usually at The Death Eater headquaters meeting with his mentor of sorts LUCIUS MALFOY, a man he had heard of but never met before, Lucius guides and informs him of the needs of their leader. Through his job Severus was also reintroduced to a woman he knew from school, several years his senior, PATRICIA RAKEPICK was a curse breaker for Gringotts and had a specific interest in the subtle art of potions and so would frequent the shop several times a week. He had found the girl annoying and gaudy at school but had found his feelings about her confused since. His love/hate feelings for her intrigued him greatly and with each visit she made to the shop he became more aware of the spark between them. Scared that his interest had everything to do with the girls flaming red hair and fiery personality Severus was at a loss for how to proceed, especially in a world where he has to worry about his supposed unwavering loyalty to a cause and a man he does not quite know if he supports.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Half-Blood

Pronouns → He/Him

Identification → Cis Male 

Sexuality  → Greysexual

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education →  Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Slytherin)

Family → N/A

Connections  → Lily Evans (object of affection), Patricia Rakepick (potential love interest), Regulus Black (close friend), Jasper Avery (close friend), Larkin Mulciber (close friend), Lucius Malfoy (mentor), Clarence Mullpepper (boss), James Potter (adversary), Sirius Black (adversary), Remus Lupin (adversary), Peter Pettigrew (adversary)

Future Information → Traitor to The Death Eaters, Eventual Member of The Order of the Phoenix

SEVERUS SNAPE IS A LEVEL 7 WIZARD.

[unnamed-atlas]

I am handing over my current character descriptions for the Apocalypse AU

Mianite:

A small, mostly abandoned kingdom, so old, run down, and lost to time that no one can remember what it was originally called. It’s mostly referred to as Mianite, as the followers of Mianite control most of the territory, though the name Ruxomar is one that may ring familiar to those familiar with its history. From the outside most of those within the kingdom are seen as raving cultists, so wanting for hope in the apocalypse that they devised their own deities to worship. 

Mianite:

Followed by Tucker, Sonja, and Dec. They control most of the kingdom, as Dec also serves as the priest and is said to be able to communicate with any of the gods at any time.

Dianite:

Followed by Tom, Nadeshot, and the Modesteps. The Dianitees are mostly scattered on the outskirts of the kingdom, not at all being on good terms with the Mianite followers. Nade however is on pretty neutral terms with them and is more willing to work with them than the others, and therefore lives within the village, the space between him and the modesteps accounting for most of Dianite’s territory.

Ianite:

Followed by Jordan, who has quickly expanded his territory from a single home out near the docks to a large chuck of the outer village in the general area of the docks. He’s been in Mianite for a long time, not following either Mianite or Dianite, claiming to be on his own team, and even managing to stay on good terms with both sides. If anything, despite the infighting of their groups, Jordan had brought them all together as friends. After a trip out of the kingdom for a tournament he came back speaking of a god named Ianite, claiming the other’s and their gods were trying to trap her, destroy her, that she could stop the spreading apocalypse if they let her. His friends are more than a bit worried about him, especially now that the only time he talks to them is to threaten them out of his part of the kingdom. Tom swears up and down that there’s something off about his eyes.

The Wizards:

A group independent of the gods who live in the kingdom but aren’t often actually seen by the other inhabitants of the kingdom. They live in the abandoned castle, and a series of underground passages and temples beneath the kingdom. They’ve been alive since long before the apocalypse and they work as the historians of the kingdom, they also work to restore run down portions of the kingdom and keep the peace between its inhabitants.

SBI:

A small group that spend their time traveling across the world, mostly(Kinda, not totally) staying nonviolent and keeping out of people's business.

Techno:

Claims to be a lone wolf but spends a suspicious amount of time around Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy, even helping them collect supplies and protect their campsite. A well trained fighter who often participates in Dream’s pvp tournaments and more often than not comes out victorious. Well known and also widely disliked because of this. Tries to keep his public image of that of a loner, not wanting to put any of his friends in danger from any other fighters who may particularly hate him.

Wilbur:

The main supply gatherer/forager of the group. Very good at sneaking around, has been known to steal from people, though he mostly tries not to tell Phil when he can get away with it. He taught himself how to play the guitar after stealing it some time ago and has now become the designated musician of the group, helping to lift their spirits and entertain them. Really likes water and especially the ocean, but can’t actually swim. Maybe a bit too reckless.

Phil:

The designated protector and cook of the group. His fighting skills are on par with Techno’s, though he chooses not to take the risk of participating in pvp like him. He’s the only one in the group who can cook so yeah he cooks for them. He’s like the big brother of the group. He basically forcibly adopted Tommy after saving him from monsters once, and he frequently forces Techno to take care of himself, treating wounds he gets in battle, forcing him to eat and sleep when he usually wouldn’t and such, and he does his best to curb Wilbur’s stealing habit.

Tommy:

He’s basically like the other three’s younger brother. When he first joined their group he and Wilbur didn’t get along at all, but they slowly grew on each other. He enjoys singing along with Wilbur when he’s singing. He seems to just attract bad luck, always ending up in the most ridiculously dangerous situations and then trying to play it off like it wasn’t actually that bad. He really loves the excitement of their travels. Techno frequently makes fun of him for his bad luck, but it’s all in a very joking way, he always makes sure not to push it too far, and he even teaches Tommy proper fighting and self defense techniques when they have the time.

Various other inhabitants of the apocalypse:

Fundy:

A skilled technician and inventor working to make life in the apocalypse easier, safer, and generally more fun. Working on ways to get around, get rid of, and/or destroy the corruption, but also creates things just for fun. Has on more than one occasion helped create contraptions for Dream’s tournaments. He keeps a low profile and sticks closer to the corruption than most people might in order to study, yet, by some miracle, has managed to not yet be infected. He can fight well enough to defend himself when needed, but isn’t confident enough in his abilities to purposefully pick a fight with anyone. Likes being a public figure and being known for his work and helping people through his inventions, but tries not to expose himself too much to more hostile groups.

Dream Team:

Dream, alongside Snapnap, George, and BadBoyHalo, runs a rather large pvp tournament, as well as smaller parkour and minigame tournaments. Participants have to pay a fairly good amount to enter, usually highly valued resources such as diamonds, iron, gold, netherite, coal, ect., but contestants can win a large variety of useful supplies, including; the previously stated resources, food, potions, tools or weapons, wood, stone, or other building supplies, rare items such as elytra or conduits, and other such items. The events are high risk, high reward, meaning they’re usually packed with individuals confident enough in their skill to take that risk. The events are open to the public to view (For a small fee), and even have a pretty loyal following of people who come to watch. To say the least, the dream team doesn’t have to do a lot of resource gathering with the income they have coming in.

Squid Kid:

A farmer with a surprisingly good grip on pvp skills. Kinda showed up out of nowhere in Dream’s tournaments and immediately garnered attention for his skill, and because no one knew who he was, and also because he always seems to have good food on him, an increasingly difficult feat as time has gone on, as the apocalypse has made it near impossible to properly grow any food. He has yet to have won any tournaments, but he’s gotten close, and he doesn’t seem to mind spending the resources to get in. There’s still not anyone who really knows what his deal is or even where he’s based. To say the least, he has to be careful to make sure he’s not followed home after tournaments, but he’s proven to be quite good at evading followers. He’s also quite good at deflecting questions about his personal life, much to Dream and Techno’s interest. 

RT/Daniel:

An eccentric radio host who covers the news of the apocalypse. Does his best to be entertaining and keep people informed, while also trying to constantly one-up Joe Hills, who runs a similar radio show. He keeps his show pretty loose and unstructured, basically discussing whatever he wants whenever he wants. He makes himself a prominent public figure and somehow seems to be on good terms with most people, even if he has a tendency to make fun of people during his show. He will occasionally guest star as a commentator for Dream’s tournaments, unsurprisingly these are some of the most attended events

[fletchphoenix]

Fruitless Exploration

Hi gamers! This is Chapter 1 of my newest project ‘The Rise And Fall Of Ulla Ruddiger’! I love love love Ulla so much and wanted to try my hand at explaining some key points in her life. Don’t worry - the coffee shop AU is still happening, but this will too alongside it! Hope you enjoy!

Word Count : 4994

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Since the beginning, she’d always been an odd child. Ginger hair that covered most of her back was unkempt and left to be as wild as it wanted, her electric blue eyes always darting around each and every environment she was in to take it all in and assign to a slot in her memory. Faint, mocha freckles were dotted all over her - hands, face, legs..you name it, there were probably freckles there. Her small figure was admittedly an inconvenience, preventing her from doing many things, however it had the potential to be a useful asset too, the fact that she could move quicker than her taller peers was a feat she was rather proud of. She knew she wasn’t the conventionally attractive person too, with all these features combined with her manic personality, ever changing depending on the person and boom! You had a whole cocktail of weird in front of you when it came to Ulla.

  No one ever hesitated to let her know that she was weird all throughout her childhood either. Being the socially inept girl she was, it only made it easier for the other kids to target her. Countless days had ended with her appearing home with new cuts and bruises, or water tipped over her by the other kids. It was relentless bullying, looking back on it. She never let it get to her though -  she just did what she always did! She pretended it didn’t phase her whatsoever. Just kept moving forward and ignoring it. No matter how many times they’d try and hurt her, she’d just ignore them. They’d try to hurt her by calling her weird, but she knew she was weird - and she liked being weird. In her eyes, she wasn’t hurting anyone by being weird, so she’d keep going and doing her own thing. 

  Maybe that's why, at such a young age, she got into alchemy along with her twin brother, Ulf. She never had to worry about having free time to spend with friends, since she never had any, unlike her twin. That’s probably why she was better at the subject - Ulf was always so concerned with his social life, but not her. All she needed was her alchemy. It was the perfect outlet for her too - delicate processes requiring all the attention in the world, as one drop could throw off the course of the whole experiment. She excelled, surpassing her brother in the subject and going on to research it further in the future, with Demanitus as her main idol, taking inspiration from all his inventions.

  As they grew older, Ulf drifted towards the engineering side of science like their mother did. Ulla, however, stayed on course and obsessed over alchemy. She finally felt as though she were contributing something to the world with her experiments - creating small helping hands around the house for various different problems. For example, she created something she liked to call ‘Shampoo’, this enriching the hair and providing it with necessary nutrients for growth rather than just water. And it worked! As a first individual project, she thought she’d done pretty well! That put her on the radar as a young teen, selling her creations to other people to assist them, and even commissioning for certain projects. 

  No one in their town really understood her love of the subject, but they understood how well it benefited them. Suddenly, they had access to smoother hair, cleaner clothes, pain relief...which meant Ulla profited greatly and used her funds to keep expanding her knowledge, purchasing book after book after book. It did feel awfully lonely though, only finding solace in books rather than humans. She used to beg and plead every night for someone, anyone, who knew and had the same passions as her would just spontaneously materialise in town for her to talk to. To her luck, as if her prayers had finally been answered, Donella had arrived in town,

  She must’ve met Donella when they were simply teenagers - thirteen or fourteen, the grey haired girl well beyond her years in terms of maturity. She was strikingly pale, her grey hair making her look as though she were in her late thirties, though she was only a few months older than Ulla. Her green eyes were calculating, figuring out a person’s deepest insecurity as soon as they entered her line of sight. She was unbelievably tall and skinny too, having at least four inches over Ulla and her figure was extremely defined in the clothes she wore almost every day. They were polar opposites, but they made it work in their favour. They balanced each other out really, her eccentricity and over-energetic nature combined with Donella’s maturity and normality helped them tremendously throughout their time together and they soon became a force to be reckoned with. It was refreshing to find someone who was just like her - with the same passion towards alchemy and Demanitus’ inventions, and someone her age who understood her and didn’t ridicule her whatsoever. She never knew anyone like her - maybe that’s why they grew so acquainted with each other in only a few weeks.

  She was bitter at first towards Ulla, constantly viewing her as inferior knowledge-wise and that she was “just like the other kids in town” which couldn’t have been further from the truth if she’d have just gotten to know Ulla in the first place, however when she one day found Ulla’s makeshift business in selling products she made through alchemical processes, she suddenly became very interested. She’d consistently ask what Ulla had used to make various different solutions, and in exchange, she’d trade some steps with her. It was like a partnership at first - mutually beneficial - until Ulla worked up the courage to ask Donella to hang out with her on weekends and after school to help her make some products, to which the other humbly accepted, and slowly but surely, a friendship was born between the two. 

  Donella, despite her youth, was a force to be reckoned with - her intimidating persona almost immediately warding off people, sometimes just one particularly aggressive glare from her striking, green eyes was enough to scare off people for good. Ulla knew the softer side of the teen though - one where she’d let her walls down for just a few moments and let herself live in the moment. Like the time where Ulla had fallen asleep at her desk, and Donella had carried her all the way up to her room and placed her in bed (even taking the time to tuck her in, despite knowing Ulla could and most definitely would kick the covers off her sleeping form during the night) or when she’d have a slight glimpse of a smile during Ulla’s infamous rants. Nonetheless, she only ever showed this side to Ulla, guarding it from everyone else, Ulla feeling honoured at that fact. 

  “Don’t touch that.” Donella’s voice carried a warning tone, Ulla’s hand immediately flinching back from touching a glass beaker, filled with a colour changing liquid. It wasn’t anything new to her, but they’d always fascinated her to no end. It was fascinating what alchemy and science could achieve sometimes, and seeing other people’s twists on things she already knew how to do was a way to be enlightened into the inner workings of someone else’s mind. However she was quickly torn away from that thought, the other teen standing behind her, taking her wrist and pulling her along down the cobbled road to bring her back on track. Right, of course. They were going to the library to read up on the Eternal Library, as Donella has persisted they do for many months, much to Ulla’s confusion.

  She didn’t get her friend’s infatuation with the place - hell, for all they knew it really was a myth and they were just grasping at straws even trying to research it. It was out of character for Donella, really, to be searching for something they didn’t definitively know was real or not - she was very much the realist out of the two - which confused Ulla to no end. But that didn’t seem to bother Donella in the slightest as she practically dragged the ginger woman through the streets, her iron grip burning a deep crimson mark into her pale skin. She knew her friend didn’t mean to be overly harsh with her, it was just her acting on her frustrations and impatience, (which to her credit she hardly ever showed. Ulla couldn’t remember a time where Donella had yelled at her, even when they were teens, ever the patient person when it came to her) but she’d be lying if she said it didn’t sting and make tears well in her eyes. She was...freakishly strong and sometimes Ulla forgot that, but before long she was given a bitter reminder. 

  “Don, give it a break please, you’re burning my arm.” she pleaded, her hand immediately shooting closer to her chest as soon as her friend’s grip ceased and rubbing it as carefully she could to help with the fleeting pain she was feeling in her wrist. Donella let out a sigh of what felt like guilt, taking Ulla’s wrist in her hands as gently as she could before taking out a small tube of cream from her pocket and applying it generously to the wound, massaging it in gradually. The stings of pain were numbed over time, the burning sensation stopping altogether once Donella had finished. Must’ve been one of her new formulas, thought Ulla, as they continued down the streets of Ecrin, Donella slowing her pace in an act of mercy to Ulla and allowing her to look around at the stalls and shops in more detail and take it in. It was the little things Donella did that showed she cared about her friend, hoping the rare displays went unnoticed by her, but they never did and Ulla silently logged them in the back of her mind each and every time. It was those moments where she saw the true Donella behind the facade she put on daily...those were the moments she truly cherished.

  One store in particular caught her eye, beakers and test tubes set out behind paned glass, unfortunately slightly cracked in the corners from the bad weather that frequently cursed the town. Thunderstorms frequented the town, ferocious winds cursing them with collateral damage almost every month. To Mother Nature’s credit, however, the town was blessed with thick, white blankets of snow every year around Christmas, so that was always a bonus. If Ulla ever had children, she hoped she’d be able to show them this town and the white Christmases that were always guaranteed each year, to allow them to experience a true snowball warzone and to make snowmen in the yard. However, with the way she was, she’d never even had a boyfriend before, scaring off almost every guy within three feet at any given time, so marriage and children was the last thing on her mind. 

  Her mind shot back to the store, it slowly fading from her view as they inched closer and closer towards the town’s library - the biggest one in the whole kingdom of Galcrest, otherwise dubbed as the ‘Earth Kingdom’. It was strange, really, how every kingdom had its own little nickname. She’d never paid it much thought before but it was obscure. She’d been born and bred here along with her brother, but had the sneaking suspicion Donella wasn’t, despite the teen’s insistence. She’d theorised she was born in Pittsford (or the Iron Kingdom, as many called it due to its reliance on the metal for...almost everything), which was spiked from the literal spikes and general dark, jagged aesthetic of her clothing, hell, even her features were jagged like the rest of that kingdom’s citizens, and that she’d travelled to Galcrest in order to escape the economic divide that plagued the kingdom. Ulla had never been able to gain any answers though, Donella kept her past under wraps from Ulla thought, never letting anything slip through the cracks. Ulla often found herself dreaming up scenarios to do with Donella’s past, her wild imagination coming up with absurd situations that, by the time she’d finished thinking them up, she’d realised just how absurd they were and gave up with trying to piece the other’s backstory together. 

  The more stores they passed, the more distracted Ulla seemed to get, her focus constantly shifting from one thing to another and then to another. She couldn’t help that she loved taking in everything around her - examining the surroundings and letting herself adjust to them slowly. And in her defence, it was a mad town to be in with stalls and stores blending in with each other in a way that just naturally flowed. Lanterns stood tall in the streets, standing at ten foot at most ready to be lit when the darkness finally came, placed inconveniently in the middle of the sidewalk. It wasn’t as if anyone really used the sidewalk ,the city had a sufficient lack of carriages so people were free to just walk wherever they wanted through the streets. Ulla liked it that way, though. She had a tendency to wander freely sometimes, so just knowing that there weren’t any restrictions pleased her to no end.

  “We’re here.” Donella called bluntly, glancing at Ulla with her cold, green eyes feeling like they were staring right into her soul. “Come on, we don’t have all day.” Honestly, the building looked threatening, countless floors inside concealed by a towering structure outside decorated with marble steps and pillars leading up to some tall, dark oak doors. It was in the centre of town, but the amount of space it took up was both shocking and impressive, considering the amount of knowledge this place held. Unphased by the daunting building, the silver woman led the way into the library, with Ulla following gingerly behind her, slightly embarrassed at being caught off guard. She’d always prided herself on being attentive, if a little imaginative, so to have the slender woman catch her out like that was...embarrassing to say the least. Still, she trailed along after her, Donella seemingly knowing where to go as they navigated through the mass of volumes.

  Shelves upon shelves upon shelves were surrounding them, their glazed, dark oak sides reaching taller than Ulla could even see and loomed down on them. There must’ve been thousands- no, millions of books in this place, hence it being one of the biggest libraries in existence - well, apart from the mysterious ‘Eternal Library’, but that was potentially just a legend, regardless of how much Donella had insisted it wasn’t, so Ulla kept it away from that category. Their boots made soft clicks on the library floor as they walked across it, the tiles so reflective that she could see her own face in it, with the occasional dirt smudge in the corner of a particular tile here and there. In the centre was a circle, the centre of it marked by a large globe, and, at forty-five degree intervals, there was a staircase leading up to various parts of the library. Donella headed up the third of these staircases, it being marked with a teal band on the banisters, and Ulla followed suit, their footsteps muffled by the matching teal carpet that covered every inch of every step.

  The upstairs was also covered in a mass of bookcases, Donella expertly maneuvering between the shelves with Ulla struggling to keep up with her pace, but desperately not wanting to get lost in this labyrinth of a library. It had happened to her once before - her attentiveness and general disregard for what was happening around her causing her to bound ahead to the fantasy section of the library without her parents coming with her. You could imagine her shock when she turned to find them missing, bursting out into immediate tears and sitting on the floor until her father scooped her into his arms and pressed many comforting kisses to her forehead as they’d left. From then on, she’d never come to the library alone as she knew she’d just get lost somewhere and have to be rescued by Donella begrudgingly. 

  Donella’s movements halted, Ulla walking into her and causing the other teen to be sent stumbling forward. A glare met her almost immediately after Donella had regained her balance, softening into a sympathetic frown as Ulla frantically apologised to her, being met with grey hair after Donella directed her attention to the shelves. She skimmed them, pulling over a ladder and ascending it. “You check the bottom, I check the top. We meet in the middle.” Donella declared, reaching into the shelf and taking out a crimson, hardback book before skimming the pages in silence. Ulla obliged, picking up a leather-bound book and carefully opening it. “Not very talkative today then, are we Don?” Ulla joked and, upon seeing no amusement on her companion’s face, she quickly turned her attention back to her book and got to work.

  They’d been doing this for weeks - aimlessly searching through books about alchemy and Demanitus to find at least one indicator that the library existed, however their attempts proved fruitless with a sufficient lack of results. It was exhausting work to look through books all day to find information on something they weren’t sure even existed. In Ulla’s eyes, it was pointless in every single way, their time would’ve been better spent performing alchemical processes and improving their knowledge in that! Nonetheless, her tired eyes kept searching through the book, placing the first one back and picking up an emerald, hardback one entitled ‘The Many Inventions Of Demanitus’. That sounded promising, she thought as she began to read, the parchment pages showing signs of wearing from use over the years.

  Who was she kidding, they could spend years searching this library and not find anything at all. It had already been weeks, and Donella knew the true extent of this library. However, the idea of the Eternal Library sounded very attractive indeed if it was a real thing. A place with infinite knowledge, books on any topic imaginable littering the walls...it sounded like a grand place, though seemingly impossible. For all they knew, magic didn’t exist, the only hints of it being the sundrop’s flower and moondrop’s moonstone, which were only legends and no one was even sure they existed, much like the Eternal Library created by Demanitus. Besides, how would you even get to a place like that? If it were as simple as just a simple door, it would’ve already been discovered. How was it even made? If it had infinite knowledge, did it constantly update with a volume of every single book in existence? The thought made her head hurt, so she stopped thinking about it and persisted with her reading. 

  It had long since gone dark outside when the librarian called for everyone to leave, Ulla and Donella having cleared out two whole shelves in their search (an impressive feat, considering the shelves in question were probably over fifteen foot in height and ten foot in width and they were only two people). Donella descended from the ladder, shaking her head in dismay as Ulla opened her mouth to ask the same question she always asked. The disappointment was evident in the other teen’s face as they started to make their way through the maze of a library, descending down the stairs and Ulla letting Donella take the lead in guiding them out of the mass of shelves and towards the seven foot tall, dark oak double doors that would take them back out into the streets of Ecrin. “There’s always next time, Don. Don’t feel disheartened!” Ulla declared with a smile, her hand resting comfortingly on her friend’s shoulder, though the was cautious to spread her fingers so they fit in between the spikes. 

  Donella let out what Ulla could only assume was a grunt of agreement, pushing open the doors in front of them and letting the cool, fresh air of the town hit them both in the face without a care in the world. It took Ulla aback for a second, the sudden chill travelling right down her spine and causing little goosebumps to form over her skin. She hadn’t realised how stuffy the library was if you’d been in there for so long. Still, she stepped outside beside Donella and began to head home. Evidently, it had been raining, reflective puddles formed in potholes in the empty streets that the inner child in Ulla had to suppress the urge to jump into, no matter how tempting it was to act like she was still a carefree child for just a moment.

  She’d always loved the city at night, especially on a clear night today where the stars could be seen gleaming in the sky as clear as day. Her mother used to tell her all about them - telling her about all the various constellations that were scattered in the sky (her favourite was Leo, seeing as that was her’s and Ulf’s zodiac signs according to her father), and how they were always constant. Her mother even showed her how to chart stars - an interesting lesson given her easily distracted nature, but she tried and in the end, she did it!

  Donella abruptly moved in front of Ulla, taking her hands gently with a troubled frown on her face. “I got you something.” she muttered, reaching into the leather satchel at her hip that Ulla strangely hadn’t noticed she was carrying. It suddenly clicked - it was the one Ulla had made her once, she could tell from the randomly placed, chestnut patch of fabric that sat in the middle. She’d resorted to that after running out of leather, hoping Donella wouldn’t have noticed (she did, almost immediately). Donella thrust something into her chest, the action causing Ulla to stumble back but Donella’s hand snaked onto her waist to catch and steady her. She pulled her hand away as quickly as she’d put it there, and Ulla could swear she could see a light blush dusting on her research partner’s cheeks. “Okay bye.” Donella responded quickly, speeding in the opposite direction to Ulla before turning a corner and disappearing completely from Ulla’s sight.

  Ulla raised an eyebrow, a confused smile on her face. Donella getting someone a gift AND getting embarrassed? Well, that was new..she thought before checking the item against her chest. A small gasp left her mouth as she realised what it was. It was a first edition copy of ‘Advanced Alchemy’, the one thing she’d been begging for for months, but could never find along with a teal notebook, marked with the words ‘Ulla’s Research Journal’. It was the best gift anyone could have given her, a smile gracing her features as she did a little dance in the street, unashamed of her excitement and happiness. She just HAD to tell her mom! She immediately started running home, giggling and laughing as she did.

  “Mom! Mom!” she yelled as soon as she threw open the door. “Mom, look what Donella got me!” she thrust the book into her mother’s face, giving her no time to read it before pulling it away and raising the notebook. “And my very own study journal! Isn’t that cool, mom?” 

  “Yes, very cool, Ulla. Now young lady, care to explain to me why you promised you’d be back before sundown, and it's been sundown for countless hours now?” Her mother’s hands moved and rested on her hips. She’d...completely forgotten about her promise to her mother, it slipping from her mind after the first hour or two of research. She winced back, preparing her apology before being scooped into the air and spun around. 

  “Give the kid a break, Arlayna. She was just researching is all!” her father declared proudly as he hugged his daughter close to his chest before setting her down on the floor. She was a splitting image of him, albeit with a more feminine hairstyle and figure, inheriting her electric blue peripherals, ginger locks, mass of freckles and jawline from the man. Her mother, on the other hand, looked like Ulf who was sat at the table with one of his friends, talking about something or the other. Ulla didn’t pay attention though, she was too busy bragging to her dad about her new prized belongings. “That’s lovely sweetheart, I bet you can’t wait to get started!”

  A loud gasp left her mouth. “I need to get started!” she exclaimed excitedly, placing a kiss to both her parent’s cheeks before sprinting up the rickety stairs, down the hall to her room. She virtually threw open the door, striding through and jumping onto her bed which moaned in protest at the sudden weight influx. She paid it no mind though, she was far too excited to get started with her new book. She lay back, her head against the pillows before opening the book in excitement. She couldn’t believe she actually had it in her hands! It was a dream come true in her eyes, joy and exhilaration building in her stomach as she lit a candle beside her bed and began to read, angling herself so the page was illuminated by the soft glow of the candle’s flame. 

  Her room was pretty bare compared to her other sibling’s room - containing a bed, a desk and a chair, a guitar and a bedside table all made from wood and created by her father. Her real highlight, though, was the shelf of books containing information on all things alchemy. Over the years, she’d steadily built up her collection of books on the subject, Donella also providing her with some on the rare occasion that the other teen was feeling generous. Her common excuse was that they were ‘hand-me-downs’, but Ulla could tell from the immaculate quality that they were always new. The subject fascinated her and truly was her passion, her pride and her joy, all of her previous work being noted down on pieces of parchment in a box beside her desk. Now, however, she had her own research journal! She couldn’t be more ecstatic! She’d have to thank Donella later, she thought, before starting to read again. 

  Elias opened the door to his daughter’s room ready to say goodnight to find her asleep, the book she’d been so excited to start covering her face as she slept, oblivious to its awkward placement, the candle beside her bed long since burnt out. A chuckle left his throat as he moved through the small room, watching out for all the creaks, before gently setting the book aside (being sure to mark the pace, because what was he? An animal?) and pulling the covers over his daughter. He placed a kiss to her forehead, heading to leave before something stopped him. He glanced back at his daughter’s sleeping form with a slight frown tracing his features.

  “She’s a strong girl, Elias.” Arlayna whispered softly from behind her husband, setting her candle on top of a table in the hallway. It illuminated her face perfectly, the glint of her golden eyes showing fully and her black hair finally loose of its usual bun - she truly did look like an angel in her husband’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around her waist and swayed with her in his arms. He placed gentle kisses onto her forehead as she continued to speak. “She’s never let the school kid’s taunts bother her before, and Donella doesn’t seem like the kind of girl to hurt her like they do. She’ll be fine.” she reassured him, wrapping her arms around his neck to return the embrace.

  “I know she can handle herself, but she’s still my little girl and I’m never not gonna worry about her, love. The kids mean the world to me and to see them ignoring the things that are hurting them...it just makes me feel like she doesn’t trust us enough to talk to us, or that I’m a bad dad for not pursuing the topic with her.” he let out a sigh and pressed his forehead against his wife’s, letting his eyes shut and take in her warmth, conflicting against how naturally cold he always was.

  “She’ll come to you if she needs help, and you aren’t a bad dad. You introduced her to one of her biggest passions in life, alchemy. You gave her an outlet for her skills and I think she’s very grateful for that, she just forgets to tell you that sometimes. Now come on, sweetheart. It’s about time we got some sleep, yeah?” Arlayna moved out of the embrace and held out one of her dainty hands to pick up the candle she’d previously left discarded. A reassuring smile was illuminated by the soft candlelight and Elias felt himself fall deeper and deeper in love, as she let the angelic woman in front of him lead her down the hall and towards their bedroom. 

  With a sigh, he looked back down the hall to his daughter’s room, unable to shake the uneasy feeling that steadily bubbled in his stomach at the thought of her. That was soon interrupted by his wife’s arms wrapping around his waist from behind him, her chest pressed against his back and forehead against his nape. “Elias please, it’s cold and I want to go to sleep with my loving husband holding me in his arms to protect me from the freezing cold outside.” she groaned and he finally relented, closing the door to their room. However, as he lay awake with his wife’s head on his chest, absentmindedly playing with her hair, he couldn’t help the thought of his daughter filling his head. He bit his lip.

  She was destined for great things. He wasn’t sure when, but he just knew she was.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Over Analysis ‘The Gawas will be the Death of Me’ Stage 2: The Ark Fight(s)

… What do to when home sick from work (I’m okay, I think I know what it is).

Do the other half of your Zero-One over analysis. Slowly.

So. Skipping over some stuff, where Aruto becomes president of Hiden again, and we have MBJR just… Mooning around, including a shot of Horobi’s hand that makes me think the camera crew is reading my conversations… Anyway. Jin chills in the tunnel for a bit until he seems to resolve something and gets up, while Raiden hangs out in the usual part of the base, and Naki and Horobi go for walks. While I disagree w/ certain choices made in this sequence, it’s interesting that Horobi’s apparently aimless wandering leads him to… A daycare centre.

There he is, the prettiest gargoyle ever. I mean, I have Feelings about things in this part… But this isn’t about that! This is about how Horobi stands around and stares at the kids and the two HumaGear playing w/ them. My theory, which has yet to be at all disproven by anything, remains that Horobi originally got ‘Ark’d bc in the past, maybe partially bc of Soreo’s data, he grew to want to create his own child and tried to build Jin pre-Ark, maybe not even that he wanted to raise Jin instead, but just wanted to raise Jin alongside the other children, but as a child, not programming him to serve a purpose for humans. But the humans around him reacted badly to the concept, and immediately tried to put a stop to it, and the Ark promptly preyed on a father’s desperation to protect his son. Going by that interpretation… Horobi’s trance-like state just… Staring at the two HumaGear having fun w/ the kids is heartbreaking. Is he only looking at his past? Or is he seeing something he and Jin should have had, that was taken from them.

To continue ignoring my Feelings, we have Horobi promptly attempting to erase the source (?) of his uncertainty in the only way he knows how at this point. Interesting that he’d end up targeting some random kids, but couldn’t follow through attacking Jin. More deflection/projection? He can’t attack his own son, but maybe if he ‘proves’ he can overcome his instincts here, he thinks he’ll find peace? But Horobi’s never been good at following through w/ attacking children, not even when they attack him first. Especially not when there’s a father on hand.

But before Horobi can even pull back the… Arrow? He’s getting hit w/ flashbacks. Jin looking dejected. Himself lowering his weapon rather than follow through w/ what the Ark would want. All while Aruto’s challenge about wanting to protect Jin rings in his head.

… And he can’t do it.

Also please note he lowers the bow before Jin shows up. I saw something that said ‘Horobi almost kills some kids before Jin stops him.’ And… No. Horobi stops himself. He may have trouble comprehending why, but he does. He finds himself thinking about his own son, and can’t follow through w/ it. He never even gets so far as pulling back the arrow (?).

Then Jin shows up.

Jin’s wobbly as he approaches and holds onto the… Thing. Like he’s still injured and limping. Instead of seeking out Raiden or Naki, who seemed much more open to the idea of leaving the Ark, he specifically goes after Horobi. And says something that makes me kind of wonder if Jin is actually falling into something parallel/perpendicular to what I think Horobi is doing next ep. Now that he seems to be shaken out of whatever had him thinking that That was a good plan, or necessary (I do have to admit, I like the concept of Jin, whether by manipulation or otherwise, having come to the conclusion that there was no way to save Horobi and that at best his father would always end up dying, and that the only thing he could do was try and save him from a more drawn out, painful death or some worse fate, but they would have needed to imply that earlier for it to really land), he kinda feels like he’s�� Chasing what was taken from them? Like, I mentioned my theory earlier, and I haven’t thought much about the implications of if Jin knows or doesn’t know, but him trying to use that incident to prompt something in Horobi kinda feels like, along w/ his pleading looks before and the fact that he came after Horobi… Like he wants to try and reclaim the chance/right to be a family that got stolen from them. Like he wants to try again. Meanwhile, the impression I get from Horobi’s behaviour, as I see it, next week, is that Horobi has just accepted that they can never really recover that, and has decided the only thing he can do is make sure the future is better for Jin and other HumaGear, no matter the cost. I feel like that’d be a lovely, tragic angle to the whole thing.

Anyway.

… Horobi is, once again, bewildered by the concept of wanting something for himself? This is why I feel like, even if his motivations next week are what I hope, we may not hear it from him unless it’s a dying or emergency confession. Horobi has been conditioned for years, since he was created, to never think or want for himself, and my theory is that the first time he tried, he suffered for it. He’s been under the Ark’s control for so long that it’s… Easier. Less painful to just let the Ark be in charge. And gods know we see very clearly that the Ark will get aggressive when he doesn’t.

Horobi’s second emotional outburst, and it’s… Again about rejecting the concept of freedom and choosing for himself. On the one had, he can’t imagine doing that, on the other… He’s quite possibly traumatised by the concept.

No, wait, Ark, let him finish, I want to know what he thought he was doing. Additionally, this is the second time the Ark has apparently reacted to Horobi having an emotional reaction.

We get this little… Uncertain sort of lip bite before he turns to face the Ark. The Ark’s influence trying to squash the doubt/emotions that Jin prompts in him?

Oh, honey.

… Oh, typo.

Jin’s reacting to multiple things here, the Ark jumping in, and the fact that she’s announced she’s going to destroy HumaGear. I appreciate that we don’t get any ‘smug about being right’ or anything, and that he also seems to be upset about the fact that he was getting somewhere again, only for the Ark to jump back in. There’s also the fact that the Ark is using Horobi to say this, and Jin has shown he’s aware (in this ep, at least) that Horobi actually is doing this for HumaGear. To Horobi, this was always about HumaGear. Hearing those words out of his father’s mouth must be… Really jarring.

Anyway, the Ark promptly starts attacking.

Jin stays on the defensive the entire time during this fight, seems to just be trying to restrain Horobi, and doesn’t try to henshin once. This is Toku, the franchise that essentially invented the ‘transforming is a free action’ trope (okay, maybe that was technically magical girl anime), so if he really wanted to, he could. The Ark makes no move to transform, either—but that makes sense, we’ve seen her fight just fine untransformed, the whole magic grey goo thing. But if the ark remains untransformed and Jin transforms… Is he afraid he’d end up actually hurting Horobi? This is one of the things that convinces me that Jin really does understand what he did wrong and that he fucked up, and now he’s trying to make up for it/regrets it. He knows this is partially his fault, and it’s coming right on the heels of Horobi making something like progress bc Jin actually bothered trying. That’s gotta be another sucker punch, understanding that if he actually had bothered rather than… I don’t know, trying to take the easy way out? Then again… Looking at how his own death played out… Maybe he was taught by experience.

Anyway.

… I’m saying that a great deal in this one, aren’t I?

Anyway, the ark predictably gets the upper hand, sends Jin flying only to 

So. Let’s talk about Jin’s hands again.

Namely… I don’t think that’s how you get a foot off your chest.

In the previous stage/section, I was talking about Jin’s hand twitching upward when Horobi lowered the bow, and here… I guess, in theory, he could be trying to… Pry it off or something, but his hands aren’t going through the motions of that, they’re not really tense or straining to pull the foot upward. He’s just… Hanging on.

The Ark holds that position for an unnecessarily long time, just, staring down at Jin, like she’s trying to force him to face how much control she has over Horobi, and maybe take the time to enforce to Horobi that he’s merely her pawn.

… I’m absolutely sure that is not how you get a foot off your chest.

It’s hard to show w/ still images, but Jin’s motions do not seem like he’s trying to escape his situation. His hands aren’t gripping or pulling, they aren’t tense. He’s not squirming or yelling or anything. His behaviour feels less like ‘get off me, Ark!’ and more like… Well, more like he’s trying to reach out/hold onto Horobi, like he’s given up on ‘fighting’ and is just desperately hoping contact will do it. More like ‘it’s me, Horobi, look, please, it’s me.’ Like when a character is knocked unconscious and someone who cares about them rushes to their side and is grabbing and touching their shoulder, maybe their face, like ‘look at me, please look at me.’

At last, the Ark raises the katana w/ similar pointed slowness—it really, really feels like she’s trying to drag this out as much as possible.

There’s so much to this reaction. For one thing, I mean there’s a sword bearing down on him, so obviously he’d be frightened. But it’s also not just a sword, it’s his father holding it, his father who is possessed by a homicidal satellite that sees him as nothing more than a puppet, and he’s possessed bc Jin raised the bloody thing and planned to sacrifice him to kill it (would that even have worked, though? Or would the Ark have just jumped to another host?). What’s more, earlier, Horobi stopped and couldn’t follow through when Jin asked if killing him was what Horobi wanted, and we already know he remembers Horobi rushing to protect him. He’s at least reasonably sure about the fact that Horobi himself doesn’t want to hurt him, and at least some idea that he’s able to get through to Horobi is he tries (I don’t know if he actually knows he’s Horobi’s singularity Point… my gut says no). There’s not only the fear of death, but probably the sense that if this happens, it will be the final nail on the coffin of any chance Horobi had of breaking free of the Ark. It’ll be the end for both of them, honestly.

Despite Aruto yelling, the Ark brings the sword down, and, understandably, Jin looks away…

… Only to, very noticeably, you know, not die. So he looks back up and…

This look is already… So much emotion. But don’t y’all just wanna hear me talk about hands again? Right? Right?

Well, too bad. Bc Jin’s reaction kills me every time. Literally. I keep going back just to watch this moment. Bc when he looks back up and takes in what happened, w/out looking, w/out saying anything, completely instinctively…

… He reaches for Horobi.

This seems like… A whole combination of things. A kid reaching for his father for comfort, but also at the same time… Like he’s trying to comfort Horobi, reach out to him. Bc he knows this has to be Horobi. The Ark wants to kill him double, has announced she’s going to destroy HumaGear. She wouldn’t stop. But Horobi would. Horobi’s instinct was to protect him before, he couldn’t kill him even when he had the chance, couldn’t kill the kids. Someone else pointed out that, normally, given the chance, someone would be frantically getting away from someone who tired to stab them, but Jin’s reaction is to reach for his father, despite the whole ‘possessed and holding a sword over his head’ thing. Again, not ‘get off me’ but more like ‘it’s you, it’s okay, I’m here, it’s going to be okay, you can do it.’

The camera pulls back to show a scene that is very clearly from a different take (but, I mean, why would you not use the one where Jin reaches out like that?), then closes in on Horobi again. The Ark is clearly struggling—I like the way it sounds like she’s putting all her effort into trying to push the sword down, but Horobi refuses to budge.

Then the flashbacks start. Bits of Horobi’s memory while his own voice echoes behind them.

The first one is obvious—the first time he moved completely w/out the Ark’s command, possibly the first action that was totally of his own volition in over a decade. Which was, notably, and action that is the complete opposite of what the Ark is now trying to force him to do.

The Ark reacts like she’s getting a headache, clearly baffled by Horobi having any resistance to her will.

Then we get interesting.

ForceRisering Jin. Notably, Horobi’s initial flashback was to the time he reacted on his own, as if he’s finally realising what he truly wants, to protect Jin… But then he flashes back to this moment, which was… The time he did the opposite, according to the will of the Ark. We know, via Project Thouser, that Horobi was extra manipulated into this by Gai via Naki suggesting it would benefit ‘their’ (read: the Ark’s, none of this was ever Horobi or Naki’s plan, though it was half Gai’s) plans. So he goes from a moment where he acted like the father he wants to be (that was a signal of him nearing singularity, that wanting to be Jin’s father is his dream) to a time when the Ark’s influence caused him to be the opposite. For me, this is really fuel for my theory about Horobi’s behaviour next ep—that he believes that he and Jin can never get back what was taken from them by the Ark and therefore humans, and that the only thing he can do is try to make a safer, better future for his son, no matter the cost, even if he dies in the attempt. This also makes my other theory all the more heartbreaking, that Horobi originally got into this to protect Jin, and then the Ark’s control warped and twisted him, and now he’s starting to remember himself and seeing that and ends up convincing himself he can’t go back.

But. Anyway (again).

The next one is from the hospital arc. This was the incident where we first heard Horobi’s ‘we are not the slaves of humanity’ sentiment, and also the first time he and Jin henshined together. He’s thinking back to the times when his son was w/ him, when he believed they were fighting for freedom for their kind. I’m not entirely sure about any implications regarding this scene following the other one, other than chronology. Is Horobi regretting having involved Jin in the fighting? Is he veering between things that he regrets and things he doesn’t? Guilt and remorse for hurting his son, but also the fact that he enjoyed being w/ Jin and fighting together w/ him? Given that he doesn’t seem to be involving Jin in his actions next ep, perhaps, while he cherishes this memory for certain aspects, he may also conclude that he needs to keep Jin out of things for his safety. Perhaps he sees involving Jin in the fight as a failure on his part, too.

Next is the moment when he confronted Aruto for Ikazuchi’s data… Which lead to him kidnapping Midori, encountering the father and son, and the exchange on the bridge, and his first choice in over a decade. I’m not as sure about what I think this one might be about, but like I said, it did lead to the conversation w/ Midori, and more questions about what he really wants, brought up his relationship w/ Jin  (and then belittled it). Is he thinking about everything that lead to this? Thinking about wanting to reunite his family? About what was sacrificed to raise the Ark? Or does this have to do w/ Jin’s admittedly plan?

The last memory is of the moment when Jin was making graves for Ansatsu-chan and Ikazuchi. On the one hand, we have HumaGear who died for the Ark’s plan, and Horobi was directed to not care, but Jin was also highly effected by those deaths, and Horobi snapped at him for grieving for them. Additionally, Jin expressed a desire to get revenge on the humans responsible for their deaths. Horobi may also be carrying something like resentment and a desire for revenge on the humans who were ultimately responsible for everything he and Jin went through, everything the Ark caused him to put Jin through. And they’ve been through a lot.

But first…

MY MAN.

I feel like it’s significant that Horobi starts this question facing away (but this post is already so picture heavy), kinda hunched and looking down—the way the scene cuts makes it comes across as Horobi just being ‘transported’ into the Ark’s space like how Aruto and Izu do into Zea’s, while the Ark stands a distance behind him, back turned. It really does give the impression of Horobi being forced to watch while the Ark just casually uses his body w/out even really ‘looking.’ Horobi is the one the situation is in front of, while the Ark is indifferently facing away. Horobi turns toward the Ark to ask why, probably his first question in twelve years. And it’s bc of Jin. Not only is the Ark trying to force him to destroy HumaGear, she wants him to start w/ the one person who means the most to him. The one person Horobi himself doesn’t want to hurt.

The Ark… Doesn’t take it well.

Horobi gets swarmed by the floating words, and it sounds painful, enough that he’s brought to his knees. One question, just asking why, in twelve years, and he gets this. And he’s just asking why. The Ark doesn’t even bother faking a reason, just responds by torturing him, trying to force him back into compliance. W/ a method that has perhaps worked before.

Except this time, Jin’s life is actually on the line.

I love the way he brings his hand up to his face. I don’t know why, I just do. Anyway, Horobi fights through the pain, his hand curling into a fist.

… And…

THAT’S MY MAN.

Hey, that setup looks familiar, I think we’re just missing a sunset (come at me w/ comparing Horobi to Gai now, you… Jerk faces!).

You know what, I think I’m gonna break this into parts to prevent anymore mishaps.

Please hold.

[movedvalkyriesryde]

Fourth of July Part One

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader; Steve Rogers x Platonic!Reader; Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Summary: The Fourth of July is hard for some people but you try and make it a little bit easier with some not so simple editing.

Word Count: 2898

A/N: Its a long one but I actually really like how it turned out. I have an idea for a part two which focuses more on Bucky and reader so let me know if ya’ll want that and I’ll write it up. Love you all remember feedback is always appreciated and requests are open!

A/N 2: This is for all those non-Americans because we gotta stick together

Masterlist

Part Two

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Not being American meant that many dates occurred in the year that held little to no significance to you. Even after making America your home you still found it hard to get into your system all of the holidays the country celebrates in honour of itself. So when you stepped into the dining area of the compound for lunch on July 4th you were taken aback with the container of American flag coloured cookies, the pile of flags that sat on the bench alongside them and Sam who stood there wearing an Uncle Sam t-shirt.

“What’s going on?” You stepped in further peering into the slow cooker that was producing one of the best smells you’d ever come across. “Happy Fourth of July Y/N,” Wanda smiled at you from her spot by the bench while she continued chopping vegetables. Realisation hit you and you smiled realising that it was your favourite American holiday, Fourth of July, the main reason for that being, fireworks.

“Are you coming with us to the park tonight?” Vision looked up at you. You smiled at him, knowing that you would never miss an opportunity to watch fireworks light up the sky.

“Of course, are we all going?” Sam shook his head in response.

“Cap and I won’t be there, we’re going to the cabin to get away from the fireworks. Bucky usually locks himself in his room so he won’t be there either.” You nodded slightly, a small oh coming out before Sam walked out with a mouthful of stolen cookies. You followed him out, making a left towards Steve’s office.

You hadn’t been apart of the team for long, working your way up the ladder at Stark Industries Tony saw potential in your computer skills and ingenuity. He promptly brought you into the compound to help with suit modifications and the upkeep of the compound’s technical services. You weren’t exactly an agent and it took some time for some of the team to accept you into the tight family that they were, one in particular still not fully accepting you, but you enjoyed the challenges it came with and the opportunity to work with incredible people.

“Steve, can I talk to you?” Steve looked up from his notebook at you leaning into his office, he nodded, reaching a hand out as a motion for you to take a seat.

“Do I need to apologise for Bucky being a jerk again?” He smiled softly at you, knowing the two of you had had a rough start, Bucky not quite seeing the point in you joining the compound.

“Oh no not at all actually I was just wondering if the simulation room was booked this afternoon?” Steve sat back, going onto his computer to bring up the simulation room timetable. “Nope it’s all free,” he shook his head before looking back at the girl in front of him. You smiled at him, standing from your spot.

“Awesome. Uh also, Sam said the two of you weren’t joining us today. Is that because of your time in the war and the whole fireworks thing? If you don’t mind me asking,” you rushed out the last sentence, not wanting to offend or pry to far into the soldier’s past.

“Uh yes it is. Bucky also, he locks himself up but Sam and I like to get out into the country,” Steve smiled at you, appreciating the concern that seemed to come through your voice. You nodded slightly, a small okay coming out before you walked towards the door.

“Is it the sound or the light?” You turned back, an idea had already brewed in your mind but you wanted to be sure first.

“The sound mainly, sometimes the light if its too bright or close but really its that sound.” You nodded again, offering Steve a thank you before leaving the room to go to Tony’s lab where he kept the simulation editing software. You can work with the sound being the main problem.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tony was leaned over his tablet, a frustrated frown on his face when you walked in. He offered you a brief nod but ignored any other movement you made, this was common, he was used to you waltzing in and out to grab whatever you needed. It was when you sat at his computer that he looked at you, curious as to why you, the computer expert who had an entire lab of computers, was in his lab using his.

“Whatcha doing there techie?” The two of you had a special bond, you were friends, you had a common interest in inventions of oddities and Tony enjoyed having someone who wasn’t constantly up his ass about if he’d eaten that day or when the last time he showered was when in the middle of a project.

“A project” you muttered, keeping your back to him while you began work.

“Is this a personal project or what because I can’t have you doing personal projects on my time techie,” he laughed as you spun around offering him a look that he knew meant ‘get off my back’.

“For your information it is a project that I think will raise team morale.” You spun back around in your chair, continuing to work on the computer.

“Bullshit but whatever,” Tony muttered under his breath, the two of you continuing to work in silence.

It wasn’t in fact ‘bullshit’ like Tony thought. This project was to raise team morale. You wanted the entire team to be able to enjoy the Fourth of July, not thinking it fair that three had to miss out because of their PTSD. You were going to create a firework show simulation with no sound. Fireworks were one of your favourite things to watch as a kid, you were always in awe when you saw them and so knowing that three of your friends (though it could be argued Bucky wasn’t exactly your friend you still thought of him as such) weren’t able to enjoy the same beauty that you loved hurt you and you were determined to change that.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You worked right into the afternoon but finally it was ready to be tested. Knowing Steve and Sam would be leaving any minute now you quickly ran down to the garage where you found the two putting their bags in the truck.

“Hey! Wait I need you to come with me before you go it’ll only be a second,” you rushed trying to pull Steve’s arm to drag him back inside.

“Y/N we don’t have time we’re running late as it is.”

“It’ll just take a minute please you have to see it before you go,” you looked between the two men, pleading them both to follow you before they left.

“Fine but we can’t stay long we gotta get going.” Steve was the first to fall into step with you, Sam following quickly after closing the car door and huffing at the idea of being even later than they already were.

“Whats this about Y/N? Wanda already gave us a bunch of food for the road,” Sam queried in the elevator, they stepped out and you lead them to the simulation room, letting them step in first.

“If I’m right you need to stand about a foot in front of the back wall there,” you pointed towards the back wall for the men to move towards. They looked at each other before moving to the spot.

“Y/N are you sure no one else could do this?” Steve questioned while you stood at the control panel to the side of the door downloading your new simulation.

“Yes it has to be you I made it specifically for the two of you and Bucky,” you turned to them making sure they knew how important this is to you. The two men agreed, a quick okay we’re ready and then you pressed go.

The room began to transform around them, the ground became grass, trees were spread out across the field in no particular order and groups of people were sitting on picnic blankets interacting with each other. But there was no sound, no wind, no birds, no chatter.

“What is this?” Sam looked at you with an eyebrow raised, you shushed him, pointing up towards the sky. Then it began, small fireworks in all kinds of colours began to slowly light up the sky, you couldn’t hold the smile that spread across your face while you watched on, it worked. But then you began to worry, Sam nor Steve had said anything and you were scared they didn’t like what you had done. So you turned to look at them, about to tell them that it was just a theory and if they want to leave they’re more than welcome. However when you turned around you knew it was okay, Steve stood there, his hands on his hips, a smile spread across his face, you could see him mouth the word ‘incredible’. Sam had sat on the floor leaning back on his hands, you could just make out the water in his eyes while they were glued to the makeshift sky above him.

“This is - I can’t believe this. I haven’t watched fireworks since I was a kid,” Sam was baffled at the sight before him. He hadn’t been this close to a fireworks show since before he enlisted, he never thought he would see one again.

“It’s not quite finished yet, that tree keeps glitching and I’m not sure if I should add music or not but I wanted you to see it before you left,” you piped up. The two looked at you, amusement on both of their faces.

“You did this for us?” Sam asked from his seat on the floor.

“and Bucky, I don’t like the idea of you having to miss out on such a beautiful sight. I thought maybe I would edit the fourth of July so you were able to enjoy it too,” you nodded at him. Sam laughed to himself, shaking his head.

“You’re going to show this to Bucky?”

“If I can get him out of his room, yes.” Steve sat next to Sam on the floor, the two looked back up at the sight above them neither wanting to look away from long periods of time.

“Piano” Steve breathed out.

“Piano?” You asked, looking at your tablet to find a soft piano that you thought might fit the atmosphere of the simulation.

“That’s the music you should have when you show Buck,” he spoke before turning to Sam, “I don’t really want to go to the cabin anymore.” Sam lay down putting his arms behind his head.

“I say we stay here. Y/N can get us some dinner when she gets Bucky,” he winked at you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You stood outside Bucky’s room, it had been half an hour since you left Sam and Steve watching the firework display. The rest of the team had already left for the festivities in town, none aware of the show going on in their own home. You held a picnic basket in one hand filled with what food and leftovers you could find in the kitchen, it seemed fitting, a picnic. Your other hand was repeatedly knocking on the door until finally Bucky swung it open, an annoyed look plastered on his face.

“What do you want I already told Wanda I’m not -,” he stopped when he saw you standing there, a soft smile and a picnic basket.

“I know, I was wondering if you would join me?” You’d always been nice to Bucky, your philosophy was that everybody deserves kindness and Bucky, even with his history, was no different. To Bucky though that frightened him, you were always nice at him, you’d never shown any annoyance towards him, or at least to his face, and that scared him. He didn’t think he deserved someone being kind towards him for no reason. He thought you must have some ulterior motive but after talking to Steve about it he realised that was just who you were and he decided that your kindness shouldn’t be wasted on him. So he avoided you and any attempt you made to be nice or friendly towards him, even when he wanted nothing more than to accept it knowing it would make you happy. That’s why he closed the door in your face. Not because he hated you like you thought, but because he didn’t deserve you making him a picnic.

“Bucky goddammit I am sick of this! Steve and Sam are waiting for us in the simulation room, you don’t have to eat the food I made, you don’t even have to talk to me, but just come to the simulation room!” You yelled through the door before stepping back, preparing yourself to be yelled at right back. Bucky rubbed his hand over his face, pushing back the hair that had fallen out of his bun. You had never yelled at him, always brushing off his attitude but this time you were determined to get him into that room. He knew it must have been important for you to yell, especially given that Steve and Sam should be at a cabin in the woods right about now. If Sam and Steve were there then maybe it would be bearable, maybe you were just doing this to make him feel included and he appreciated that, really, he did. You took a deep breath, deciding that he probably wasn’t going to come out now, maybe sending Steve to get him would change his mind. So you began to walk back to the simulation room when Bucky opened his door and began trailing behind you but never catching up until you reached the door.

“What is this exactly?” He asked as you paused the show, a chorus of boo’s and oi’s came from inside and Bucky raised an eyebrow at you.

“Go and sit next to Steve,” you handed him the basket which had an assortment of food and blankets in it and pushed him towards Steve who was now sat on the ground against a tree towards the back, Sam was still lying in the same spot you had left him in.

“What the hell is this Rogers?” Bucky grumbled taking a seat, Steve just shrugged in response. You walked over to the men, plopping down on the other side of Bucky who began handing out food and blankets. Sam stole two, one as a pillow and the other to keep warm leaving two left. Bucky handed you the last one, you gestured to share but he shook his head, sitting next to you made him nervous enough, he wasn’t about to share a blanket.

“Will you lot hurry up and start it up again?” Sam called from his spot, you laughed, taking a deep breath and pressing play on your tablet. Then the show began again, this time accompanied by a soft piano. Bucky looked at you questionably but your attention was on the sky. He saw it first out of the corner of his eye, bracing himself for the sound but nothing came. You felt him tense beside you, expecting him to stand up and leave but when he looked up his body relaxed completely and you heard a breath of air leave him. His body sank into the tree behind you, his arm pressed against yours. On his face was the biggest smile you had ever seen Bucky show, he licked his lips and you swear you could see water in his eyes.

“You did this?” he breathed out, tearing his eyes away from the fireworks to find you already looking at him, a giant grin on your face to match his. You nodded quickly.

“I didn’t want you to miss out.” Bucky knew you meant the three of them but he couldn’t help but hope you meant just him, that you did this for him because as much as your kindness frightened him and as much as he didn’t think he deserved it he wanted this to be his, he wanted to hug you and kiss you just for thinking of him.

Hours passed, Sam was sprawled on the floor having fallen fast asleep, the rest of the team was driving into the garage wondering why Sam’s truck was still here, you had fallen asleep on Bucky’s shoulder and he hadn’t moved an inch since, too scared to wake you up. He and Steve were still awake, at times reminiscing about when they would go to the carnival and watch the fireworks when they were teenagers, how Bucky would always bring a girl to impress her. The night was a moment of peace that the men needed and they were so grateful that you had given it to them. You shifted against Bucky, wrapping your arms around his right one, he looked down at you smiling to himself.

“She did it for you you know,” Steve whispered to his friend knowing you were determined to get Bucky to like you.

“She said she did it for all of us.”

“Maybe she did then,” he chuckled lightly enjoying the familiar sight of his friend with a girl on his arm, “but she wasn’t nervous to show Sam and I, she held her breath when she showed you.”

[pigballoon]

Terminator: Dark Fate

(Tim Miller, 2019)

The latest instalment in the by now ailing Terminator franchise is... I mean, it's probably the most solid of the films since James Cameron surrendered the crown, granted that is really, really (really!) not saying much, but while it lacks the invention to go in a whole new direction like Terminator Salvation a decade ago, or the killer finale of 2003's Rise of the Machines, it seems to me a more entertaining, less off putting movie than any of these other sequels have proved to be... Or maybe the standards and expectations have just fallen so low that it's easier to accept now almost 30 years since this franchise last mattered.

What it does have going for it is the reunion of the key pairing from Cameron's duology, Arnold Schwarzenegger and LInda Hamilton, the history between them adding a little (just a little) bit of historic weight to the whole thing, their history together lending the movie a shade of moral complexity it isn't getting from anywhere else. Hamilton in particular finally gets the follow up to Judgement Day that the character deserves, and she plays the hell out of it, the naive innocent, turned hardened warrior (briefly glimpsed in an admittedly great opening sequence), now world weary, tortured nomad. 

Still, the movie really belongs to Mackenzie Davis, finally with a movie role worthy of the star anyone that spent 3 seasons watching Halt and Catch Fire knew was there all along. She does bad ass laced with a little very human vulnerability so well, and is a natural fit into this world. Alongside her is Natalia Reyes, whose growth across the course of the movie is seamlessly executed, akin to Hamilton's in the original movie, but probably... even better? She's super assured in the beginning so you can see the seeds of what is to come, wears tragedy so meaningfully in the middle, and her fiery blossoming really works, she makes it work, whether the arc as written is convincing or not could be debated, but there's no lie in anything she does.

They are what make the movie work to whatever degree it does. There's no major set piece of any real note, there are some strange logic defying goings on peppered here and there, and perhaps most disappointing of all is the fact that Dark Fate suffers that same dark, dark fate that so many so called sequels of recent days do, and that is that instead of daring to try anything new it just recreates the template established by its beloved predecessors, assassin comes back in time, defender comes back in time, chase ensues, etc. Now that itself is nothing especially new to the franchise, even Cameron's much beloved Terminator II copied that trick, but in doing so it added on other angles, there was more to it. 

Here the retreading is wholly unsatisfying given that this film also replicates the trick of Bryan Singer's Superman Returns or done a couple of times in the Halloween franchise in that it wipes the slate clean of all the deemed to be unworthy sequels and stitches this latest unsatisfactory effort to the ones deemed worthy of remaining canon. Therefore it is a film that exists in a universe where the future was saved, and so to just pick the reins back up and tell the same story again without going anywhere new with it, adding any interesting angle to the story (this was the one good thing Rise of the Machines captured brilliantly - the tragedy of inevitability) this movie doesn't do any of that, it just quickly accepts that nothing will ever change and goes on running through the same old maze again. 

For that reason, however watchable the whole thing might be (and I really do think it is, as much as anything the comedic stuff in here really lands) it remains a major disappointment, another unsatisfactory sequel, regardless of the names involved in front and behind the camera, because it's just following the same old beats like a machine, lacking the ability to grow that even its own featured machines from the future display. It does so I suppose because it's finale suggests that it'll be back, and that's one more slight against it. Open endings that are not open for any narrative or thematic reason, that leave films feeling incomplete just so they can bait you with another sequel. It's the worst of franchise filmmaking in that way, testament to the way movies are becoming more like television in an age where television is aiming more and more for the cinematic. Hasta la vista, I guess.

[icequeenjules26]

A drop in the ocean

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

Word Count: 12,3k

Tags: Musician!Dan, Actor!Phil, Fluff, Angst, Strictly Come Dancing AU

A/n: Written for the @phandomficfests, crossing off the prompts Dancing with the stars (Writer's choice), 2012, Pen Pals, dog, second chance, birthday, communication, Starbucks sofa, commitment, picnic and #spon! (What a list, lol) As always the biggest ever thank you goes out to my angel @succubusphan for doing everything she could so this would get done on Phannies' day!!!

Read on AO3

August 2018

 @DanIsAGod3918: This is happening oh my god

@PhilLikesMen: finally i waited forever for this

@dannyboiiiiiii: still can’t believe they worked alongside each other without ever meeting? wtf

@bisexualDan: @dannyboiiiiiii ikr but i’m so here for it

@phanwillbeathing: FUCKINGFINALLY they’ll be together and in front of cameras this is a dream come true

 Dan groaned as he scrolled through the comments on his latest instagram post. It was honestly unbelievable. How could he not have known? He couldn’t do this - he couldn’t deal with this. It had been 6 years and Dan was still hung up about it - how was that even possible?

 He didn’t want to be here, honestly, not anymore.

 He had been ecstatic at first, when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing, UK’s very own dancing with the stars show wanted him in the next season. He was a musician, so he hadn’t even bothered to ask them - musicians at least had the rhythm it took to dance, putting them into an advantage - but they had apparently seen the making of to his newest music video.

 Which wasn’t bad, not particularly, at least - it just showed him attempting to do an easy dance routine his choreographer had designed just for him but failing miserably. He first and foremost was a pianist, with mediocre guitar skills, but even the singing part was pushing it from time to time. Dancing? Like actually, physically moving his long limbs in an attempt to look at least somewhat graceful? The word alone let laughter bubble up his chest.

 But he had tried, for the sake of his team, and if it’s that what got him into this show in the first place then he was glad he did.

Or maybe not so much, anymore.

 Not since… Him.

 He had been invited under a bit of false pretences, Dan decided - they could’ve told him they were planning to get him as well, could they not? - as he stared at the coffee table in front of him, or more specifically, his laptop, displaying an article from some sort of gossip page. Headline:

 The meeting the UK has been waiting for: Howell and Lester both starring in strictly come dancing.

 He groaned again, shutting his laptop with his foot and letting his phone drop from his hand to sling an arm over his eyes instead, sliding down his sofa until his back laid flat on it, his butt hanging from the ledge in an awkward angle, feet propped up on his coffee table. This couldn’t be happening.

 He had been good, so, so good for so long, he had momentarily forgotten what he has even good about. But, as always, life will come and fuck him over when he least expected it. He should be used to it by now.

 He had nearly done it. Nearly forgotten those piercing blue eyes. Nearly forgotten this soothing voice, the blinding smile.

 He had almost gotten over how his stomach would swoop on the sole mention of the name, how his heart would skip a beat before picking up its pace.

 This brought it all back - and not in a good way. He couldn’t do it, it wasn’t fair. It had been years and the multiple edits of them together floating through the infinite space of the internet still made him feel like his heart would get squeezed harshly inside of his chest. He had accepted it by now; he would probably never be over him. He didn’t have the right to be, either, but meeting him now… Like this… It still hurt.

 A lot.

 Like a rusty knife in his chest.

 He had managed to avoid meeting him even while working on the same movie, for fuck’s sake. He had even skipped the premiere and every other event and interview he knew he’d be present at. Now they were being forced together by a bloody dancing show, one he was excited about, sure, but not excited enough for this.

 Never for this.

 The reaction of his fandom didn’t make it any easier. He had seen the theories and shipping all over tumblr and twitter, of course, but it had been sort of inevitable, with all the stuff they had in common and the fact they were both open about their bisexuality. Now, with the movie long over, he had thought it would subside as fast as it had risen.

 It didn’t, though, and Dan had no other choice than to go through with this.

 He groaned again. Sometimes, he hated life.

 :::

 April 2004

 Dan was ecstatic when he first learned of a thing called “Pen Pals”. His Nana had explained it to him and he loved the idea of having someone, somewhere, that he had never met but could share things with nonetheless, loved the idea of writing letters back and forth, of being excited to get home from school to check the mailbox, to see if something would be in there.

 He was only ten, but he knew enough about writing letters to do it properly, he thought. He’d also get the first checked over by his Nana, that was for sure, to make sure he wouldn’t embarrass himself on the first try. He was so excited to get started, but when he took the time to go through the suggestions the teletext had for him he was gutted. Not one of the kids there seemed genuinely interesting, not enough. Some lived so close it wouldn’t be any fun to write letters, and others were just too old.

 Then he got to the last page and a large grin erupted on his face. “Phil Lester, 12, Rawtenstall. I like Sonic and crash bandicoot and i love pokemon! buffy is the best tv show ever created. I’d love to gain a friend from far away!!!” it said, and Dan knew he’d found them. The person he’d write to.

 :::

 September 2018

 So far Dan had done an incredible job at avoiding Phil. His shooting with his tall, but quirky and optimistic dancing teacher and partner Cathy went well and fast enough for him to evade Phil. He was there during the group foto, obviously, but Dan had made a point of wanting to stay on the opposite end and surprisingly, no one had caught up on it or commented on it in any kind of way. After a week of simple dancing lessons they were now about ready to start practicing for their group dance. He was running out of options.

 That was the reason he allowed himself a chill night before the first group practice. A funny netflix show was running on the TV, he had a hot cup of tea on the coffee table and Jennah had her head resting on his thigh - he was relishing in the feeling of it.

 When his phone vibrated from somewhere next to him he grumbled along with his lady. Picking it up with his left hand he brought his right one down to lazily stroke her head. “It’s okay,” he mumbled when she opened her eyes to look up at him, only paying attention to the still offensively vibrating phone when she nuzzled closer and closed her eyes again.

 “Howell,” he answered it grouchily, head sinking against the back of his sofa. “I hope this is important.”

 Apparently, life hated him.

 “Dan? It’s Louise.”

 He suppressed the urge to growl lowly in his chest, almost certain about what was to follow. “Louise,” he huffed out instead, closing his eyes and bringing his right hand up to gently massage his glabella. There was exactly one person who knew of the whole debacle Dan had had with him, and he really didn’t need to hear another lecture about it from her.

 He knew it had been his fault.

 He also knew there was no way of undoing it, even if there was nothing he wanted more than to set things right.

 Yet, she kept pushing.

 “I just got home from vacation and checked instagram.”

 Oh. That’s what this was about. She hadn’t heard it before.

 “Louise-” he started, but got interrupted almost immediately. “No! Do not Louise me, Dan! This is getting ridiculous! Why can’t you just talk to him? If not to make it right, then at least for closure. What do you think will happen, the fucking apocalypse?!” He could tell she was aggravated, gruntled. She had always wanted him to do something, to not just sit around and let it weigh heavily on his heart, and this show obviously only made it worse.

 He couldn’t hold in the growl this time. He was gritting his teeth trying to keep himself from saying something that he’d regret later, but even that was getting harder. Jennah immediately reacted to his distrust, opening her eyes and sitting up next to him before moving closer, nuzzling his shoulder. She knew how well he reacted to cuddles, and she was willing to provide them. He could only move to stroke her back in a silent thank you. “I can’t, Louise. I fucking can’t, okay?”

 He could already hear her, taking a deep breath, setting up for a monologue, but he was having none of it. “No, Louise, no. I can’t hear it anymore. You think I don’t wish for what you want me to do, every day of every fucking week? You think I like this, doing nothing, suffering in silence? Because that’s what I’ve been doing for the past six years. But as long as you haven’t miraculously invented a time machine on your vacation, there’s no way to undo this. Have you?”

 His friend on the other end stayed silent, and he could feel the tears starting to pool into his eyes. “I thought so,” he closed, his voice breaking along the way. He managed to keep it together for as long as it took him to end the call, but then he broke down, sobbing violently. His body started shaking, he didn’t know what to do, how to make it better, so he did what he always did when he needed comfort:  he threw his arms around Jennah and moved to press his face into her neck, hiding from the world.

 :::

 April 2007

 It had been two years since Dan had send his first letter to Rawtenstall near Manchester.

 Him and Phil had become fast friends and the amount of letters they were sending to each other had become ridiculous by now. Dan’s Dad had gotten mad at him for spending that much money on postal charges only a few months after the first letter and basically told him to stop being friends with Phil - or at least tone it down considerably - so they were now using his nana’s letter box so his dad wouldn’t catch him.

 Even his nana had become agitated with it after a while, so they had a deal now. Dan did chores around the house or the garden, like doing the dishes or wiping the floor, and his nana would give him postal stamps as a payment. Other kids wanted to buy candy or save the money to spend it on games, but all he wanted was to write Phil. His nana could probably make him do anything if he’d get those postal stamps in return. To him, they were worth more than diamonds.

 They had exchanged pictures of themselves and their homes, they shared their secrets with each other and knew everything there was to know about the other, and Dan reveled in it. The had even exchanged phone numbers, but they had to pay calls in minutes, so they usually didn’t call each other except for special occasions.

 Today, apparently, was such a “special occasion”.

 When Dan got out of school he didn’t even bother to go home. Instead, he walked directly to his nana, who lived right next to him. That was a normal occurrence by now - he spent most of his time here. His parents were barely home anyways and his nana was watching his little brother after school, so it didn’t even attract his parent’s attention,

 Luckily. His dad would probably not like it. Especially not the reason behind it.

 Because, obviously, Dan didn’t spend all his time at his nana’s just because he loved her so much. He did, but he was still an introvert; he loved having time for himself and not having to talk to other human beings - he did this for Phil.

 Ridiculously much he did seemed to be for Phil nowadays.

 He was waiting for a new letter that should probably arrive today or tomorrow. It usually took four or five days, sometimes six, from sending a letter to receiving one, and he had send one last wednesday. It was monday now.

 When he opened his nana’s door with his key she was already sat in the kitchen, obviously waiting for him. After greeting her he sat down his bag on a kitchen chair before taking a seat himself, snatching an apple from the fruit bowl sat in the middle of the table. “Everything okay, nana?” he asked after taking the first bite. It wasn’t usual she was waiting for him like this, she was usually up and about around the house or reading in the living room when he got home from school.

 A smirk slowly creeped onto her face as she obviously observed him closely. “A very agitated young man called around an hour ago. Said he wanted to talk to you,” she stated and he perked up immediately, eyes flying up to her face. “Phil?” he asked, almost breathlessly, and felt the heat rising through his neck all the way up to his cheeks. He cleared his throat. “I mean - Was it Phil?” He forced his voice to be calm this time, but the grin on his nana’s face had already widened and he knew she had picked up on his behaviour immediately. “It was. I told him you’d be back around now, he should be calling again in a few minutes.” She paused, raising an eyebrow mockingly. “Anything you’d like to tell me, son?”

 He could feel his cheeks heating up even more and almost desperately avoided her eyes.

He was about to start saying something, anything, when a shrill ringing interrupted him. “I’ll go,” he practically squeaked out and jumped up to run to the hallway to get the phone.

 “Phil?”, he answered it breathlessly and was rewarded with a laugh. “Dan! Take a guess who can now phone people as much as he wants without having to pay more?” greeted him an excited voice on the other line and a wide grin stretched his face in seconds. “Hm, I don’t know. Sarah Michelle Gellar?” Again there was laughter on the other side and Dan wished he’d have a way to look at the other boy’s face when he laughed. “It’s me!” was the answer and Dan could feel excitement bubbling up in his chest.

 He looked around the hallway, realizing there was nothing to sit down on while talking on the phone. Maybe they should put a chair in there somewhere. He could see himself needing it a lot in the future.

 :::::

 September 2018

 Dan’s day was not going great so far. He was exhausted, probably dehydrated and he hadn’t eaten in a few hours, but still did not have the time to catch a break. He hadn’t gotten any proper work done for months now - since he had written the music for the movie, actually - and his manager was getting nervous. Not that he could blame her, he’d promised her a line-up for his new album back in July - but that had been before Strictly come dancing had poked its head at him. He couldn’t have let this opportunity go, so he’d had to promise her he’d work while practicing for the show.

 It wasn’t working. The whole idea had been rubbish to begin with, to be honest; he’d known the show needed his whole attention and utter commitment. Stef was just ridiculously persuasive, that was the problem here.

 Still… He couldn't do it. He just couldn’t. He’d just have to talk to Stef, he decided when he let his pen drop and looked up for the first time for hours from his place on the ground in his music room, musical sheets and random pieces of lyrics scattered around him. His head was completely blank, not one idea breaking through properly.

 He wasn’t used to this. Normally he sat a pen to paper and had an almost finished song mere hours later, but now all that came out of his head was crap.

 Or a name, he realized when he got up, looking around him to get a general view of what he’d written. His name was smudged across random pages, written in large, black letters that instantly managed to catch his attention. His breath hitched. How had he not noticed he’d been doing that?

His heart hammered in his chest and tears were starting to pool in his eyes as he looked over the papers scattered across the floor. Without thinking he pulled out his phone, taking a picture and sending it to Louise. He would probably regret that later, but he didn’t even realize what he was doing in his horrified state.

 He left his music room in a hurry, closing the door behind him in panic as if he could contain the ghost of his past relationship in there, trapping it inside. How was this still getting him? How was he still basically unable to function with the thought of it, after more than six years? Why was he still unable to let go?

 Somewhere at the bottom of his heart he knew why. He knew why he couldn’t breathe at the prospect of being in the same room with him for hours - he knew what it meant that his heart was hammering in his chest every time he set foot into the studio they were practicing the group dance in.

 He knew it. Had known it the whole time.

 He was still in love with him. Six years later and the feelings he had been fighting against the whole time were still there, strong as ever.

 He knew it, but - it didn’t change anything. Not really.

 Not when he couldn’t even think his name without breaking down into tears.  

 Phil.

 :::

 April 2008

 It had been four years since Dan had written his first letter to Phil. He was fourteen now, and he spent most of his time on the internet.

 Actually, he spent the most time talking to Phil.

 Through the internet.

 He was lucky his family had still not caught up on it. He was pretty sure his nana was aware he had not just miraculously stopped talking to Phil, even though the hour long conversations in her hallway had lessened immensely; but the rest of them - especially his dad - were still in the dark about it.

 And that was honestly the only thing that was important.

 Today was a slow day so far. It was wednesday, which to him, was amazing, because it was a day he had only a few hours of school while his parents usually stayed out far longer than usual. Why, he had no idea; he just assumed it was the busiest day of their week.

 He had gotten home around an hour ago, had made himself some lunch and settled down in front of his TV to watch some mind-numbing midday show to calm himself down after school.

 Normally, he would already be talking to Phil, who usually had a slow wednesday as well, but for some reason he wasn’t picking up, neither on his skype nor on his cellphone. He wasn’t that worried yet, but he still thought it was odd. It happened from time to time that Phil wouldn’t be there that early on wednesdays, for example when his mum caught him before he could get into his room, forcing him to do stuff for her. Normally he’d at least let him know via text, so Dan was getting a little agitated by now.

 When Phil still hadn’t texted him or picked up his phone three hours after their usual skyping-time he grew increasingly worried. He seriously considered calling Phil’s landline but was a bit scared to only reach Phil’s mum - the woman didn’t seem to like him much, not that he could blame her.

 At the exact moment he was about to call, his laptop started making noises from its place next to him on his bed, indicating an incoming skype call. He accepted the call before even picking it up.

 “Phil!” he called when the video finally loaded, revealing an obviously excited Phil, eyes sparkling and hair pushed up into a messy quiff in contrast to his usual, neatly arranged fringe. “Dan!” He grinned broadly, bouncing up and down, making the video jump along with him in the process. “You won’t believe what happened!”

 Dan was unable to hide the fond smile sneaking its way onto his face. “Robert Downey Jr. joined a cult and you get to replace him in Iron Man 2?”

 He almost choked on his own spit when Phil pouted in response. He could feel warmth wandering up his neck, settling in his cheeks and knew he was probably about as red as a lobster. How could someone be so goddamn cute and handsome at the same time?

 “Sadly, no,” Phil answered before a new grin lit up his face as he clapped his hands excitedly. “But! I did just get a role!” he exclaimed, with a smile so wide Dan was surprised it didn’t split his face in half.

 “What?” he asked, almost dumbfounded, staring at his best friend as if he’d just told him the sky was green. “Are you serious?”

 “Yes! I just got home from casting, that’s why I couldn’t call earlier. I scored a role in the sixth series of Shameless!” Phil answered, excitedly bouncing up and down again, and Dan was left to do nothing but stare. The news hardly even reached his brain with the way Phil looked, excited and glowing and all focused on his screen. Focused on Dan. He secretly pressed the Print Screen key on his laptop, conserving this picture to look at it again and again and again.

 That’s when Phil’s words properly registered in his brain. “Are you serious?”, he croaked, voice raw with the emotions coursing through him. When Phil nodded he started bouncing up and down as well, completely unconsciously, beaming so brightly in the process, the muscles in his cheeks started burning almost immediately.

 “Yes! I get to act! And I’ll earn my own money!” he exclaimed, obviously still not completely able to believe it himself. Dan let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, eyes wide as he stared into the blue eyes of his best friend - the best friend who made his heart flutter and his breathing hitch. That was normal, right? That’s what best friends were supposed to do to you?

 Deep inside, he knew they were not, but he enjoyed living in denial for just a few days longer.

 “I’m so happy for you, Phil!” he replied, happiness seeping through him from his head all the way down to his toes. “What will you do with the money?” His voice was high pitched and giddy and his best friend chuckled in response.

 “Well, there’s someone I know that’s in desperate need of train tickets for his birthday…”

 Dan’s eyes sparkled so bright for the rest of the day, even his mum caught up on it hours later.

 :::

 September 2018

 As the date for the launch show drew incredibly near so did the point where he’d finally have to talk to Phil. The amount of requests for interviews with them both together were growing ridiculous and the bbc hyped it up as much as possible. He was a professional, and he got the general idea of why the bbc reacted the way they did, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

 Not really. Not at all.

 Still, when the launch show was rolling he managed to not exchange a single word with Phil. Whenever there were cameras he was at least 20 meters away from Phil so they couldn’t force them both in frame with the little time they had backstage.

 He got on stage sometimes in the middle of the show and was interviewed. It was mostly just general questions about his life at the moment, how his new album was coming along and if there was anything planned, but he truthfully answered that right now, he was entirely committed to this show. It meant a lot to him already. He was excited to learn even more about music and to dance, and when he announced that any money he’d make during it would be donated to Young Minds the audience basically flipped. He was amazed at the reaction it caused; he hadn’t expected it.

 The questions got a bit more personal afterwards. They packed it nicely, sure, asking about any Ladies or Gentlemen in his life that could be offended with his dedication to the show, but it was still basically the question of if he was in a relationship or not.

 So he decided to have a bit of fun with that.

  “Well, there’s always Stef, my manager. Oh, and my queen, of course, she’s really not amused I’m spending so much time away from home,” he answered with a chuckle, all teasingly and with a suggestive wink, hinting at something that wasn’t there. He predicted that it would grant him protection from the bbc’s shipping attempts at least for the first few shows; it was also their own fault.

 They didn’t know “my queen” ment a five year old Shakita Inu lady named Jennah after the queen in his favorite video game. Most of his fans would obviously know or at least assume that - she was all over his Instagram after all - but even that could take a while.

 He looked around when he said it, gauging the reaction it caused in the audience. He had expected everything, really, from joy to devastation from his fans, some of who were clearly sat in the audience right now; but what he did not expect… Was Phil.

 He caught sight of his face only briefly, but he could not believe what he found there.

Phil’s face was scrunched up, hurt written all over it, and when their eyes met for just a single blink, the blue was dull and washed down, more grey than colourful. He could have sworn there were tears glistening in the corner of them, threatening to fall any moment.

 But that had to be some kind of coincidence.

 It had to.

 There was no other option.

 After the interview he somehow successfully weaseled himself out of without giving away too much information, he performed his latest single, written for the movie Phil had played the leading role in. He could feel Phil’s eyes on him the whole time he played, the look burning on his skin like melted caramel, sweet and hurtful at the same time. His fingers prickled with the knowledge that those eyes were finally looking at him again, playing a song that was obviously based on their relationship.

 Not that any song that Dan had written had not been somehow based on that.

 For a brief moment, Dan wondered if Phil had realized, if he still cared. Cared that his career was basically solely based on the things Phil had told him when they were younger. Did he even realize how big his impact on Dan’s life had been? Or did he still believe the things Dan had told him six years ago to push him away?

 He didn’t know. He only knew that it hurt.

 A lot.

 When the last, sorrowful notes of the song thrummed through his fingers and his throat as he pressed the keys and sang the words, his mind provided him with the fact that their anniversary was only a few weeks away and he couldn’t stop a single tear from making its way down his cheek. His heart was throbbing forcefully in his chest and his breathing hitched the exact moment the last note had rung out. He just hoped no camera had caught that.

 Knowing his luck, they’d have it on closeup.

 ::::

 October 2009

 Dan didn’t know why, but this time things seemed to be different when he arrived at Manchester Train station. Phil seemed agitated, almost nervous when he greeted him, fiddling with his jacket and adjusting his fringe whenever his hands weren’t otherwise occupied. Dan wasn’t sure what to make of that, but decided to let it slide without much comment. He was sure whatever it was Phil would tell him as soon as he was ready. They knew each other for longer than 5 years at this point, Phil knew he could talk to him about everything.

 Instead of taking the bus back to Rawtenstall Phil lead him on a journey through Manchester. They visited sights Dan had never payed attention to and afterwards they went to get a coffee at Starbucks, sitting together closely in the booth they always occupied when they were there; so closely their whole sides were touching. Dan’s right hand laid on the table as they talked, occasionally sipping on their caramel lattes, and he itched to take Phil’s left one into his, placed just a few centimeters apart. Did Phil realize he had his palm up, basically inviting Dan to take it, or was it just coincidence?

 They continued their journey when they were both done with their coffees, talking and laughing as usual, yet, something seemed different. When they walked, their hands would brush together, and Dan could have sworn Phil’s fingertips were outstretched towards the back of his hand.

 He knew it was probably nothing more than wishful thinking, but a guy could dream, right?

 Phil still was straight up on edge when they arrived at their destination, which Dan quickly identified as the Manchester eye. Why they were there, he had no idea, but he liked it. He had been living close to London his whole life, yet never had had come around to take a ride on the London Eye.

 “Did you do it on purpose?” he asked gently when they got into the cabin, both sat on the same bench, pressed up together. “Do you remember?” The view got better and better the higher they went, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Phil, whose blue eyes shone brightly in the light of the setting sun.

 “Of course I remember,” Phil answered softly, eyes completely trained on Dan, “You always wanted to visit the London Eye, so I figured this is the next best thing.”

 Dan couldn’t keep the eye contact any longer, so he turned his head, looking out the other side. He could feel tears rising, that’s how overwhelmed he was with the whole gesture, but he blinked them away. “This is better,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

 Then there was a hand on his cheek, gently taking a hold of his chin, turning him around until his sight was back on Phil. All the previous tension and nervousness seemed to have left his body. His movements now were confident and certain, determination shining in his eyes as they gazed into Dan’s. “Everything's better with you,” Phil whispered and Dan breathing hitched, his whole body shuddering with anticipation.

 When they finally kissed Dan realized it had been inevitable from the start. Phil’s lips felt warm, velvety, right against his own and it was like the world finally set into place. Like everything had been unsure and wavering all his life, turning and spinning around him, leaving Dan unable to ever find his footing, but now it had clicked into place and everything stood still for the first time in his life.

 After the kiss ended Phil didn’t let go of Dan. Instead he sat his hand on his cheek and pressed their foreheads together, his bright, blue eyes gazing into Dan’s as if he was the only one that would ever matter. “I like you, Dan,” he whispered, voice almost inaudible. “I really, really like you.”

 Dan’s heart stopped for a few seconds, his breath caught in his throat and he felt like the world around them had come to a crashing halt, like time had stopped for everyone but them. Was this really happening? Or was it just one of the dreams that would keep him on edge for hours afterwards, knowing it would never come true?

 He had hoped, wished for this for so long; had prayed to a god he didn’t even believe in - yet Phil had never made the first move. They had felt like a real possibility from the first time they met over a year ago on Dan’s 15th birthday, when Phil had stumbled over his words when they had hugged and his cheeks had burned crimson red. Dan would never forget that day; the day he had realized that he wanted them to end up together against all odds.

 Then his neck started burning from the way it was bend and he realized - this was real.

 It was raw, it wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and Dan could feel tears rising into his eyes. “I really, really like you too, Phil,” he answered and then Phil leaned in to kiss him again, a sob of relief breaking from his throat.

 And for that one, single moment Dan felt like they could defeat everything that would ever stand in their way.

 :::::

 October 2018

 Their anniversary had always been particularly hard on Dan. Normally he’d spent the day curled up on his couch with Jennah, eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate and drinking too much alcohol, Louise on the phone or somewhere in his flat, keeping him from doing things he would regret later on - like calling his dad; he’d done that one year, hadn’t ended well. Not really.

 This year, Dan wouldn’t be able to do that. This year, he’d even have to meet Phil at some point of the day for rehearsal, probably for longer than he’d be able to endure.

 Because that’s what he was doing, Dan realized as he checked into his hotel room, enduring Phil’s presence. It was still torture to even be in the same room as him, let alone talk to him. What would happen when Phil finally got tired of ignoring him; when his selferestrain would finally break and he’d unload six years of pent up aggression towards him?

 Dan would crack at the first word, turn around and run, public appearance be damned.

 He was just hoping it wouldn’t happen during a live broadcast.

 This week Dan had decided to screw the hotel’s room policy and bring Jennah with him. He needed her today, more than ever, he wouldn’t survive the day without her - especially not the night, when he’d have gotten back from rehearsal - after seeing Phil. Fortunately, he didn’t even get one single negative comment when he lead the lady dog into the hotel, suitcase in tow. The pretty, courteous dog got nothing but positive comments from the staff, especially when they realized how well-trained she was, following his commands immediately even when he accidentally dropped her leash. She was wary towards strangers, still hadn’t even completely accepted Louise as his friend, but she trusted him with a burning passion that overshadowed everything else.

 They finally made it up to their room and Dan didn’t feel energized enough to do anything else but flop down on the bed. Jennah, who knew she was not allowed to climb onto the bed without an explicit invitation, whined softly at him, and he didn’t have it in him to deny her request. She was incredibly sensitive of his emotions and sensed that he needed comfort, but was unable to provide it due to the distance Dan had put between them.

 He softly patted the space next to him and she jumped up immediately, laying down cuddled into his side, head gently resting on his shoulder. He drapped his arm around her, stroking her soft fur. She continued to make quiet whimper like noises, but they were less needy now, more content.

 The tears started rising without his consent. He didn’t even know what caused them, he just knew that suddenly, they were there, threatening to fall; and then there was a sob escaping his throat, the dam broke and the tears started flowing freely. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

 A few more hours and it had been nine years on the dot. Exactly nine years since Phil had made the first step, kissing him on the Manchester eye.

 Dan wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, like he had been able to until this faithful day six years ago, to kiss him and hug him and love him - but he couldn’t, and it was ripping him apart from the inside out.

 It wasn’t fair. He was aware he hadn’t always been the best person, was aware he’d made mistakes, but didn’t everyone? What was it that entitled him specifically for this sorrow, this heartbreak; a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemies?

 When it was time to head over to the studio for the final rehearsal he was barely able to let go of Jennah. He knew he couldn’t bring her with him, but that didn’t make it any easier to leave her soft fur and gentle comfort behind.

 He managed to though, eventually, tears dried and the puffiness of his eyes immensely decreased after crying for what felt like hours.

 Maybe it had been hours. Or maybe he’d stopped crying halfway through and had just laid there, cuddling Jennah and staring off into space, into nothingness, into a time where he and Phil had been together and so happy Dan had thought he might just burst any second.

 Before his world had been ripped into shreds.

 Arriving at the studio he discovered that life definitely hated him. He and Phil had never really met on camera and he’d managed to avoid him during the aftershow and even the daily talk show, but now he saw this week’s order of dancHe didn’t have it in him to say much more, his heart was itching to tell the truth and he knew he couldn’t trust himself much longer.ers and he wanted to barf or cry or die on the spot.

 It was just his luck that put him on seventh spot with Phil in eighth - the exact time they had kissed, half past seven - which meant that despite his best efforts he would definitely meet Phil today.

 Out of all the shows, why did it have to be today? Wasn’t it enough he was already laying on the ground, broken beyond repair? No, life had to send someone after him to squash him, again and again and again until he would be unable to ever get up again.

 While waiting for their turn Cathy, his dance partner, managed to keep his mind off of things. They talked and laughed and when she asked him about how his queen was doing he gladly took out his phone, showing her a few of the array of pictures he had taken on their walk last night. Her eyes started sparkling immediately. “She’s so beautiful. And she’s completely fixed on you, Dan, like you’re her everything, it’s so cute,” she gushed and Dan blushed.

 Something crashed then and he looked up, only barely catching sight of a distraught looking Phil scurrying away in a hurry.

 Surprisingly, his rehearsal went okay. He was a bit more nervous and jumpier than usual, but he was a professional, so he was able to act it off quite successfully.

 When he was done with it, though, and turned to get backstage, that’s when it all went to hell.

 Cathy had gone on ahead without him, claiming to desperately need water, so there was no one else around when he met Phil on the way. He was trying to get past him as fast as possible, but due to the passage backstage being so small there he had to brush Phil - that’s when he felt long, slender fingers reaching for him, closing around his wrist. For a moment, their eyes met and the blue was so vengeful, so cold Dan was left standing in a snowstorm.

 He stopped dead in his track, eyes wide open, staring ahead, trying to not look at Phil, to not give him any more openings.

 Because this was it, Dan thought; this was the moment his carefully mended heart would get smashed into pieces all over again.

 Phil moved his face next to Dan, so close he could feel Phil’s breath on his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I hope she’s good enough for you,” he hissed into Dan’s ear, voice so cold it froze the remaining pieces of Dan’s heart. They clinked a melody as they burst, a melody sounding dangerously like the song Dan had written for the movie, the song Dan had written solely for the purpose of reaching Phil.

 He didn’t even know how he got away. Maybe he hadn’t, maybe Phil had just moved past him and let him stand there, desperately clinging to the remaining shards of his heart. They seared him as he tried to hold on to them, but he didn’t even feel it anymore. The pain was gone, all that was left was a numbness that could’ve, should’ve scared him.

 The next thing he knew he was sitting on a sofa in one of the resting rooms backstage, a bottle of water in his hands. He could hear people walking by in the hallway, but he was completely alone, which he was more than glad for. Streaks of tears were running down his cheeks as he sobbed quietly, and all he wanted to do was to get to Jennah, to press his face into her soft fur and accepting the knowledge that yes, he would never be okay again, but it didn’t matter as long is this amazing creature loved him.

 The opening of a door tore him out of his thoughts and he stood up reflexively. He had hoped that maybe, it was Cathy checking in on him or one of the crew members informing him that he could go back to the hotel now, but no.

 No. It was Phil.

 Of course it was.

 He looked horrible. His form was hunched over, as if he barely had the strength to hold himself up anymore and his eyes were red and swollen with tears running down his cheeks.

 Dan took an unconscious step forwards, moving to comfort Phil, until he realized that he had lost all privilege to do so years ago.

 How was he still not used to that, he wondered briefly when Phil finally raised his head and their eyes met.

 “You know,” he started, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper, “I want to forgive you. I want to forgive you so that -” His voice broke and he took a deep breath - or maybe it was a sob. Dan couldn’t be sure.  “So that I can stop.” He got louder, more confident and Dan wanted to say something, anything, but he was frozen, unable to move or even breathe.

 “Stop thinking of what you did to me… Stop thinking of you,” he continued and fresh tears sprang into Dan’s eyes, a pain in his chest, so soaring he was sure it would consume him any moment.

 “Forgive you, so that I never have to think of you ever again… Because I refuse to.” Phil’s voice broke again as a sob rattled him, new tears spilling from his eyes and he looked so broken Dan’s heart was pierced by a million spears all at once.

 Just for a second it was quiet, complete silence engulfing them aside from the distinct chatter coming from somewhere down the hallway. Not that Dan even registered it as they continued to stare into each others eyes, a pain soaring through his body like howling flames, burning their way through his veins, leaving behind nothing but destruction.

“But I can’t.” Phil sobbed again and finally looked away, down to the ground before he lifted his gaze again, staring dead into Dan’s eyes. “I want to, so, so desperately, but I can’t.”

 He didn’t even wait for Dan to react, not for the hurried “Phil, wait!” Dan finally managed to throw after him, only released from the spell that had kept him rooted to the spot when they broke eye contact, nor for the sob that fought its way up his throat. He just turned around and left Dan to break down on his own.

 :::

 June 2012

 Dan’s nineteenth birthday was the most beautiful one he’d ever had.

 Firstly, he was in a generally good place in life. He had finally started pursuing music as a real career option after Phil had practically begged him to for years and had gotten his first contract a few weeks ago. His parents were surprisingly okay with it - or at least his mum was - and his nana was the most encouraging he’d ever seen her.

 Secondly, Phil was the most amazing boyfriend he ever could’ve asked for. He was supporting Dan’s every decision, he was thoughtful and attentive and, quite frankly, hot as fuck. He always took Dan’s opinions into account when he made decisions and was considerate of whatever problems Dan had - which were, mostly, about the fact that Dan’s parents still didn’t know of either the fact that he was still in contact with Phil, nor about Dan’s sexuality - let alone his relationship to Phil. It didn’t make things easy, but now that Phil earned a lot of money he sponsored Dan a train ticket every other weekend - at least when he wasn’t away for whatever acting role he was doing at the time. It was a system that worked for them, and Dan didn’t care about anything else.

 And thirdly, his amazing boyfriend had managed to get some time off from filming so they could spend a few precious days together over his birthday.

 Spending time together got increasingly difficult with Phil’s rising popularity, but they spent a week all alone in the cottage that Phil’s parents owned, a cottage on top of a cliff on the isle of man. They went on a picnic on the beach almost every day, and it was during one of those on monday, his actual birthday, when Phil gifted him with a key to his new flat in London and a speech soaked with the love he felt for him.

 Dan had never felt more like flying than he did in this moment.

 Unfortunately, that only made his fall even harder.

 When he got home on thursday the atmosphere at home seemed weird from the very first moment he stepped through the door. He was well rested and had been in a bliss-like state the whole week, but now he got anxious when he climbed the stairs to his bedroom, suitcase in tow.

 His suspicions got verified when he pushed the doors to his bedroom open and revealed his little brother, hunched over on the edge of his bed, clutching a pillow to his belly and sobbing loudly.

 Dan closed the door behind him and hurdled over to his little brother. “Adrian!” he murmured apprehensively, moving to sling an arm around the boy’s shoulders. “My god, what’s wrong?”

 “I-i’m s-so sorry, D-Dan,” he squeezed out in between sobs. Dan tried to comfort him, gently murmuring encouraging nonsense, until Adrian had calmed down a bit, at least enough to form semi-coherent sentences. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I swear, I was just looking at the pictures and dad came in and-”

 Dan’s blood froze in his veins, his heart stopped and the hand on his brother’s arm clenched involuntarily. “What did he see,” he clenched out between gritted teeth, missing the questioning tone but Adrian answered him anyway. “One of the picture of you and Phil kissing. I’m so sorry.”

 Dan didn’t even hear him anymore. He felt like the world had been pulled out from under his feet and he was falling, tumbling down an endless cliff he had no idea how to get out of.

 His dad choose this exact moment to storm into the room, looking about ready to murder his innocent child. “We need to talk, Dan,” he said in a monotone voice, but his eyes were so aggressive Dan wanted nothing else but to curl up into a ball and hide. It’s fine, he wanted to make himself believe, you can just go and live with Phil if he throws you out.

 But it went worse than he had feared.

 It turned out his father didn’t want him out of the house, now that he was on his way to success in the music industry, and he had his way of forcing him to stay. Instead of screaming at him, threatening him to throw him out, he blackmailed Dan.

 He still screamed, a lot, about what a disgrace he was and why, out of all the males in this country, it had to be this one. Dan strongly assumed it wouldn’t have made any difference if it would’ve been Prince Harry or whatever other male member of the royal family, but he kept his mouth shut.

 He briefly toyed with the idea to jump in to defend Phil, to tell his father that he was a successful actor and an amazing person, but he didn’t give him the chance to say anything.

 “I want him out of your life. You are going to cut every and all ties to that filth and will not contact him again in any kind of way. That clear?” His father’s voice had gone from screaming to hissing and the volume had gone down considerably, but his eyes stayed the same, fixing Dan in a gaze harder than steel. He took a deep breath. That was it. That was him standing up to his father for the first time in his life.

 “Why?” he asked, eyes set dead on him, “Why would I do that? I love him, Dad. I’ll stay with him, no matter what you say. I don’t care what you’ll do to me.” He was proud his voice didn’t break or falter in the slightest, and for a moment he thought that he’d done it, that he’d won.

 Then a smirk creeped onto his father’s face and he knew something was about to go terribly wrong.

 “You might not care about yourself”, his father said, voice cheerful like he knew he was about to ruin Dan’s life, and he liked it. “But don’t you care about your boyfriend?” Dan hadn’t been aware that the term boyfriend could sound like a slur, but suddenly it did. “I have acquired some pictures the public might find incredibly interesting…”

 Dan hadn’t noticed it before, but his father had Dan’s old laptop open on the table in front of him; the very laptop he had given his little brother because he had gotten himself a new one from his first self-earned money.

 Dan already knew what he would see there when his father turned it around. He had transferred, but forgotten to delete all the pictures he had saved on there, including a variety of ones of Phil and him, cuddling, kissing - happy. Maybe he hadn’t even particularly cared to delete them, considering Adrian was aware of Dan’s relationship, had been for a long time. He had been happy for him and the warmth Dan had always felt at the prospect had frozen to solid ice now.

 Tears started prickling in his eyes and it took all his willpower to suppress the sob that was threatening to rip from his throat. He knew what his father was suggesting. He was obviously waiting for Dan to make a choice - but they both knew there was no choice to make.

 The crushing realization that he would give into his father’s blackmail made his heart shatter into a million pieces, but there was nothing he could do about it. The public had become much more open about those topics, but they both knew a sexuality scandal would be enough to destroy Phil’s entire career.

 They also both knew Dan couldn’t do that to Phil - not even risk it. His father had his resources, and when he wanted to know of every interaction between Dan and Phil, then he would.

 So Dan had to end it. For good.

 He was given the chance of one last skype call to break up with Phil. He knew he wasn’t the best actor and that Phil would be able to tell he’d been crying and how incredibly crushed he was, so he had to make sure that Phil wouldn’t realize, make him preoccupied with himself.

 He had to play into Phil’s insecurities. He hated himself for it, but it needed to be done; even if it tore him apart in the process.

 Phil greeted him in his usual, cheerful voice when the call connected and Dan could already feel the tears starting to rise, a sob threatening to escape his throat. There was a weight on his chest, so heavy he didn’t know how he was able to stay in an upright position. He carefully plastered an indifferent mask onto his face while his mind went back in time to keep the tears at bay; back to his birthday, back when he’d been so happy he hadn’t even known what to do with all the happiness.

 He cut right to the case, unable to put off the evil any longer.

 “Phil.. I can’t do this any longer. I have tried, but… I can’t. You’re just…” His throat constricted and he almost had to gag. He had never said words more untrue in his entire life. “You’re not good enough for me.”

 He couldn’t look Phil in the eyes as he said it. He didn’t want to see the pain, the sorrow; didn’t want to hear the sobs and the pleeds. He wanted away. Far, far away; to a place where he and Phil could be happy… Could be together.

 He felt like a monster.

 Would feel like one for a long time.

  “But I love you!” Phil pleaded. Dan’s heart constricted in his chest. His palms were probably ripped open with the force he pressed his nails into them, trying to keep himself from breaking.

 He didn’t have it in him to say much more, his heart was itching to tell the truth and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his facade much longer. He couldn’t help but let a tiny, incredibly quiet “I’m sorry, I love you” slip out, but it was drowned out by Phil’s cries.

 Louder, he said “We’re done. Don’t contact me ever again,” ended the call and forced himself to block Phil on any and all social media.

 Only then did he allow himself to break down.

 He knocked the glass from his bedside table as he started wailing, crumbling apart; and he watched it fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces…

 Just like his heart.

 ::::

 October 2018

 Dan didn’t know how he made it back to his hotel room. He only knew Jennah was already waiting for him by the door as he stumbled inside, whining when she saw his state. She was by his side immediately, whimpering as she pressed her head to his thigh.

 He didn’t even make it to the bed. Instead, he sunk to the ground right there, back pressed against the door. Jennah didn’t waste any time to cuddle into his side nuzzling his shoulder. He raised his hand to stroke her ears and she rewarded him with a soft whimper, nearly drowning the sound of his sobs.

 He couldn't do this any longer. He had endured the pain for six years but now It felt like he had reached his breaking point. he couldn't do it one single second longer. He was at his breaking point.

 He skurried a bit to fumble out the phone hidden in the front pocket of his black skinny jeans. Jennah continued to provide comfort, and he appreciated it more than anything else, but he needed more. He needed his best friend.

 He had to discover that the reception in the hotel was more than bad, though, so he had no other choice but to drag himself across the room to the balcony. He slumped down again when he was outside, sliding down with his back pressed against the glass. It was the middle of October and only around six pm, but it was almost completely dark outside already. He could see the stars from where he sat and briefly wished he would be up there, somewhere far, far away, where the way his heart had been crushed meant nothing anymore.

 He was aware there was no such place, no matter how far away. But for a moment, he let himself dream.

 Until Jennah’s wet snout nuzzled into his hands.

She was back at his side again, a chocolate bar held carefully in her snout, and he wanted to cry again, out of love for this wonderful creature. “Thank you. I love you so much,” he whispered and ruffled the fur between her ears affectionately, taking the chocolate and ripping the wrapping open to take a bite. It was a bit inconvenient with one hand, considering he still held his phone in the other, but -

 Wait. Phone, balcony…

 Right. Louise.

 He dialed her number as he swallowed the first bite of chocolate.

 She picked up on the first ring. “Dan. How are you doing?” she asked, gently and caring, and suddenly there was warmth spreading through his chest. “I’m okay,” he tried, but his voice was croaky and hollow and he didn’t even believe himself.

 “Oh, honey. What happened?” Of course she wasn’t fooled. He shouldn’t even have tried.

 “I.. He… He talked to me.” He cuddled into Jennah for the extra comfort as he talked, who sat pressed into his side, a bastion of calm in the middle of the storm that was his pain.

 That’s how he told Louise everything that had happened. How they had passed each other in the entry to the stage. How Phil had come back to talk to him, what he had said, how broken he had looked. He started crying somewhere halfway through the story and there was some kind of rustling on the balcony beside his, indicating there was someone there, but he didn’t care.

 “Oh, Dan,” she whispered when he was done, and he could almost feel her embrace. He was so accustomed to her present, especially on this particular day, and it was strange to not have her there with him. He sobbed again. “It’s just,” he croaked, new tears spilling from his eyes, “In the end he’s right. It’s my fault. What happened is my fault and I just -” He halted, unsure of how to continue. “How could I do this to him?”

  “It’s not your fault, Dan,” Louise remarked, voice still soft, obviously scared to make his breakdown even worse by unsettling him.

 In the end, maybe it was that what unsettled him the most. The carefulness, the way she treated him like he was a small child or a wild animal, like he could get spooked and run away every second. “But it was!” he cried, louder now, and Jennah next to him howled lowly. “There has to be something I could have done differently! I could’ve tried fighting my dad, or try to make him see reason! Or at least something to make Phil understand I did it just to save him and his career!”

 It was silent for a while before he continued, and he knew she kept quiet just to let him get it out. “I was just so scared. I loved… Love him so much, Louise. Everything I did was just for him.” There was a broken sob from somewhere to his right and he froze immediately. For a second he thought it had been him, choking out a sob unintentionally, but Jennah’s head was turned over to the right too, staring intensely into the darkness. Again, there was rustling on the balcony there, a sound like a door sliding closed. His lady dog growled lowly for a second, but then complete silent engulfed them both, aside from the voice of Louise in his ear, murmuring soothing words.

 He was starting to think he’d imagined it all when there was a harsh knock on his door. He sat there, frozen, head turned to look through the glass pane, across his room to where the sound came from. He sat completely still, a hand laid on top of Jennah’s head tentatively to keep her quiet. A few seconds the knock came back, louder this time, more insistent. “Dan, open the door!” a voice shouted from the outside and his breathing itched. That had almost sounded like…

 “Phil?!” he questioned quietly, talking to himself, which made Louise quiet down on the other end of his still going phone call. “Louise I think… I think Phil is at my door,” he whispered into the device, unsure of how to proceed. “What are you doing still on the phone then?! Go talk to him!” she insisted in a high-pitched voice and had hung up on him before he could even react.

 “Dan! I know you’re there! Open the goddamn door!” the voice shouted again and there was more knocking. For a second he looked between his phone and the door, unsure of what to do, but then he got up and made his way inside of the room. Jennah followed him cautiously, but he stopped by the bed. “Can you stay here for me, love?” he asked her, pointing to the ground she stood on, and she sat down reluctantly, throwing him a look that was clearly not amused and slightly worried. “I’ll be fine,” he whispered and moved forward. He turned on the soft light on the headboard of the bed through the switch by the door before he opened.

 In front of it stood Phil, hair ruffled, cheeks reddened, if from the shouting or the obvious tears, Dan couldn’t be sure. He marched into the room, brushing past Dan as if he hadn’t even seen him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted the dog still patiently sitting next to the bed.

 It was silent for a while after Dan had shut the door. Phil stared at his dog as she stared right back, silently estimating each other, and Dan stood slightly to the side, gaze switching between them like he was watching a tennis match.

 “Come here, girl. It’s okay,” he said after a while in the direction of his dog, who stood up silently and made her way over to them. She let Dan stroke her fur before she bravely marched forward, right up to Phil. Dan held his breath as he watched her generously accepting Phil’s outstretched hand, letting him pet her.

 “Phil, meet Jennah,” he introduced them, and Phil, who had crouched down to be on eyelevel with his dog, stopped dead in his track, head wiping up to meet Dan’s gaze for the first time since he marched through the door. His eyes were blue, so blue in the soft light and Dan’s heart constricted in his chest. He felt like drowning.

 “Jennah?” Phil whispered questioningly, eyes wide, still stroking the dog’s fur, “as in… Queen Jennah?”

 He whipped his head around, looking between Dan and his dog as he obviously made the connection. “She’s not a girl,” he stated, louder this time, “When you said your Queen you… You meant your dog?”

 Dan just nodded. He didn’t trust his voice in this moment. The weight of the situation came crashing down on him, and he felt himself swaying a bit. He moved over to the couch in the corner of the room, sinking down on it, closely followed by Phil and Jennah.

 “I thought…” Phil murmured to himself as he sat down quite close to Dan, not quite touching, but it was a close call. “You thought I was talking about my girlfriend,” Dan stated in a matter-of-fact tone as he pulled his legs up to his body, leaning against the backrest of the couch. Jennah sat right in front of it, her head cramped on the couch in the small space between his and Phil’s leg.

 “Yes,” Phil answered breathlessly, absently stroking Jennah’s fur, staring at her like he couldn’t quite believe she was real. “She likes you,” Dan declared fondly, full of affection, “She doesn’t even let Louise that close. And she usually sits her when I’m gone.”

 “Is that who you were talking to?” Phil asked softly, turning his head over to Dan now, who tensed up immediately at the question. This was it, then. They would talk about this, right now.

 His heart was beating wildly in his chest and a light feeling bubbled up in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he couldn’t quite place… Not until he recognized it as something that he had deemed impossible for a long time now. Was that... Hope?

 “Yeah,” he answered, and his voice was deep and husky and nearly broke halfway through this one single word. He was so nervous he couldn’t even hope to control his breathing and had to wrap his arms around his legs to keep his hands from shaking.

 “How much did you hear?” he whispered, stoically staring ahead, avoiding Phil’s eyes. “Pretty much everything, I think,” Phil answered and Dan’s heart almost leaped out of his chest. Oh god, what was he supposed to do?

 He started chewing on his lower lip as he took a deep, but quivering breath. “What happened back then, Dan?” Phil asked softly, body completely shifted into Dan’s direction now, one leg folded under the other to allow him to sit sideways. He was still stroking Jennah’s fur absently with one hand and the lady dog savoured it with closed eyes. Traitor.

 For a second, Dan didn’t know how to breathe. He shot a quick glance over to Phil, to his eyes, and he wasn’t sure if the look in them made it easier or harder to say what he had to say. There was something in there… Something speaking of feelings Dan had contemplated as long-lost. He shuddered.

 “I was… So happy with you that week, Phil,” Dan whispered, tears nearly choking him as they silently started rising into his eyes again. Where he even took them from anymore, he couldn’t be sure. “But when I came home I…” His throat constricted heavily and he had to suppress a retch. “My little brother sat on my bed, crying. Telling me he was sorry and that it was an accident.” His voice was unbelievably quiet now and completely breathless, and he felt Phil leaning in closer to understand what he was saying. “I had given him my old laptop before we went to the isle of man, do you remember?”

 He took the courage to look over to Phil again, who nodded. “You were so proud you made money with your music,” Phil reminisced tentatively, matching his volume to Dan’s, “So you went and bought yourself a new laptop from it.” He chuckled lowly. “You were so excited, said you’d finally be able to see me when we skyped.”

 Dan nodded back and had to close his eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I had forgotten to delete the old pictures still on there. Or maybe I just didn’t do it, I can’t even remember. Adrian knew and I didn’t-” A choking sound escaped his throat before he was able to continue. “I didn’t think it would matter,” he closed breathlessly, so quiet the blood pounding in his ears drowned out his own voice.

 It was at this moment Phil obviously made the connection. He shot up from his hunched-over sitting and stared at Dan, wide-eyed. “Your father saw the pictures?” he asked and Dan could see the shock in his eyes.

 “He barged in on Adrian as he looked through them,” Dan confirmed, his voice back to a slightly louder volume. He shook his head. “He was so shocked, Phil. Full of guilt.”

 Phil sucked in a sharp breath. “What did your father do?”, he asked, tears clogging up his throat on their way up. Dan could feel his eyes on him as he moved to burrow his face against his knees. “Oh god, Dan, what did he do?” There was a panic in his voice now and Dan failed to keep the next sob from breaking out.

 He raised his head, tears stinging in his eyes as he looked over to Phil. “He blackmailed me, Phil. My own father. He told me... “ His voice broke and Jennah whimpered from her place on the ground, sensing his pain. “He told me he’d out you in public if I wouldn’t cut all ties to you.” He was full-on crying now and before he knew it, Phil was suddenly there, taking him into his arms, gently stroking his back. Jennah nuzzled his thigh and he moved one hand to gently caress her head.

 “I’m so, so sorry Phil,” he squeezed out in between sobs, burying his head in the crock of Phil’s neck. “I was so scared he would destroy your career. He would have found out when I would have tried talking to you in secret and I just... I couldn’t let him do that to you. I loved you so much.”

 For some time he just sat there, crying as Phil held him in his arms, mumbling soothing words and gently rubbing his back.

 It was Phil who eventually broke the silence, long after his cries and broken sobs had rung out. “Out there on the balcony, when you talked to Louise, you said…” He let his voice fade out and Dan could feel him swallowing heavily. “You corrected yourself. You said…”

 Dan knew what he wanted to say. “I said I still love you.”

 He felt Phil nodding, felt his hand tremble as it rubbed circles into his back. He uprighted himself, staring straight into Phil’s blue eyes.

 I was now or never.

 “It’s true, Phil,” he whispered, voice hoarse as he stared. “I love you. I never stopped. It’s been six years and I just...” He let his head hanging down, closing his eyes. “I could never forget you. You were always there. I couldn’t even watch you on TV without breaking into tears because of how much I missed you.”

 Suddenly, there was a hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes, wordlessly staring into Phil’s. The blue was shining brightly and there was a smile on his face, so wide Dan was sure it hurt. “I love you too, Dan,” he said, his voice full of joy and happiness - and love. “I love you too, oh my god, I never stopped. I wanted to, so badly, but I couldn’t.”

 There was a moment of silent communication, of Phil asking for permission and Dan granting it, and then they moved forward in utter synchronicity until their lips met in the middle in a kiss so sweet it would put every candyfloss to shame. Somewhere in the room the needle of the wall clock ticked half past seven.

 When they broke the kiss to come up for air it was quiet for a moment as they looked into each other’s eyes, and then they were crying; crying and laughing and reveling in happiness, Jennah cheerfully barking back at them.

 “Can you… Will you give us a second chance?” Dan asked when they both had calmed down considerably, holding Phil’s hands in his, thumbs moving over the smooth skin on their backs; still unbelieving of the fact that he was allowed to feel it again.

 There were tears in his eyes as Phil looked at Dan, silently, and then he was laughing as the tears started falling. “Of course. Of course, Dan, of course. I would like nothing more than to be with you again.”

 This time, the kiss was a bit less sweet, a bit more heated, and it lasted a lot longer - at least until Jennah, obviously dissatisfied of being left out, was suddenly there, running her tongue across both of their faces.

 “Jennah!”, they both screeched in unison, laughing at the Shiba and Akita Inu Mix, who had her forelegs on the sofa to reach their faces, her tail energetically wagging around as she whoof-ed at them happily.

 They all slept in Dan’s bed that night, closely cuddled together, Dan with his head on Phil’s chest with Jennah somewhere in between.

 Four weeks later when, in the middle of a show, Dan heard about the fact that both him and Phil had been nominated for the german filmfest Berlinale, indicating that they were strong contestants for the upcoming Oscar-Nominations, he didn’t even hesitate. He ran right on stage after Phil’s dance, catching him in a bone-crushing hug. He told Phil what he had heard, tears of happiness in his eyes. Again, there was some sort of silent communication and then Phil was kissing Dan, right in the middle of the dance floor, in front of millions of viewers.

 They didn’t care they all knew - all that mattered was the happiness radiating between them.