#that and being an ugly procastinator

[tulipsforvin]

✦ A LOVE THAT MELTS ALL

✧ william james moriarty x fem!reader

✧ summary: he's insecure of his scar but he has you. short fluff.

IT WAS THE NIGHT AFTER HIS RETURN; exactly three years later. the lit candle was dim, barely illuminating the bedroom that you and william shared and overall casted a hue of dull orange throughout the room.

you're situated on your heels between his legs on the bed, palms flat against the matress beneath and in the slight gap between your body and his own. william's back, which was already resting against the headboard of the bed, pushes itself even further back against it when you push your face upwards to him.

you're close. too close. he swallows hard, and you watch the prominent adam's apple on his neck bob.

“..darling? is something the matter?” he looks down at you. his voice is soft, confused and uncertain all at the same time. you're staring too hard at him to merely brush it off as 'observing'. applying that word here would be too much of an understatement.

“may i ask what you're wearing the eyepatch for?” your head tilts by the slightest degree, curious.

right.

right. william lets out a breathy exhale.

he hadn't told you about that part yet. with all the emotions and feelings upon his return, he really hadn't found the time to tell you. and quite frankly—he really didn't want to tell you. but he does anyway.

“i.. obtained a scar during my fall.” he clears his throat. “from the westminster bridge.” he watches as your expression turns into one of sincere sympathy. he hadn't even realised he was nuzzling his cheek against your outstretched palm, holding his face.

until you say the words: “can i see it?”

william freezes. you can only watch as his face dissolves into one of panic, widened eyes and a dry throat that he tries to rid of by gulping thickly. “i.. i think it would be in our best interests if i don't show you, and that you don't see it either.”

“but why?”

“why..?” he repeats weakly. why, you ask? it is because you're going to find me hideous. it is because i have done all that i possibly can for as long as i have known you so that you may see me as my best self and that revealing this ugly, disgusting mark on my face now would ruin it all.

“i'm afraid cannot show it to you. it is not a pretty sight.” he scrunches his face slightly and turns his face away from you, as if unsettled by the very idea.

“you must think of me a fool if you think that i care about aesthetics over my lover, liam.” you tell him, sighing with the back of your fingers caressing his cheek. he flinches. “if it's made you what you are right now, then isn't that more beautiful than anything else? you don't have to be perfect to be beautiful, you know.”

“i...” but he cannot seem to refute. nor find any reason to. your words would have made him cry, had he not felt so uncomfortable. “(name)..”

you smile subtly. “but at the end of the day, it depends on you whether you want to show it to me. i won't force you, nor will i let anybody else force you either.” you make an effort to pull back but the blond suddenly pulls you back right in.

a yelp from you in surprise at the sudden tug from him and you're crashing against his chest. both of his hands wrap around your wrists gently. “no, no. you're right, i.. it would be better if i show you it now than procastinate any further. i most likely would not be able to gather the courage if i'm any later.”

his hands fall to his sides, allowing you to do as you please. allowing you to lift off his eyepatch. your eyes crease at the corners while your lips form into a smile. “yeah.” you say. “thank you for being brave.”

your fingers are cautious and gentle on him as one hand rests on his cheek while the other goes behind of his head to unlace the string holding it together.

his breath hitches. a pull from your finger at the string and the eyepatch flutters down onto his lap.

on his left eye is a healed scar. scar tissue, to be exact. the eye colour, which previously used to be a vibrant and a lovely shade of red seems to have lost it's colour as well. the silence lingers in the air. william's fidgeting now, but trying to make an effort not to show it. his face has, once again, dipped away from you. he's embarrassed, face tinged with a light pink. he's biting the inside of his cheek, anxious.

“liam..” you breathe out after a long while. “you're beautiful.” he shakes his head, unconvinced.

william turns to peek at you. “lying to me now would be cruel. i can understand if you find me disgusti—”

then why the long pause? he thinks to himself but does not say it. my love, are you grossed out by me?

but the truth was far, far from his thoughts.

you palms press against his chest as you push yourself up and in an instant, your lips are pressed softly, gently over his eyelid. he flinches sharply.

“(name)—?” he's surprised. baffled.

“i will say it to as many times as you need to hear it, william. you're beautiful. you're beautiful. you're beautiful. you're beautiful.” you pull back, smile at him, give his cheek a slight squeeze and watch as his face—no, his entire being almost melt into a puddle.

his hands, those warm hands and his slender fingers wrap around your waist, tread upwards by the slightest until they find place over your ribcage with the uttermost softness. and he pulls you in.

“i love you.” you mumble silently against him. he doesn't do much but press his lips against yours, gentle and warm against your own. eyes closed, foreheads and the tips of your noses touching.

your eyelids flutter open to a william, flushed and eyes shimmering, looking at you with the most happiest of grins—as if you plucked the stars from the night sky for him. “i love you too. most ardently.”

[astrobydalia]

About me…

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹

Hi, I’m Dalia! Nice to see you here💕

Age 20s

Im from Europe

Occupation collage student, freelance teacher

MBTI infj 9w8

My chart (western) Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon, Sagittarius ASC, Air and Venus dominant, Pluto-asc conjunction // (Vedic) Purva phalguni sun, shatabhisha moon, jeyshtha asc

Life path 5

My astrology journey I’m self-taught in astrology and other occult studies since age 14. Have been doing personal readings for about 3 years now but I’ve taken a break to focus on college and life

I like… philosophy, writing, make up, fashion, peonies, languages, baking now and then, reading and investigating, occult (duh), music, tea, landscape paintings

Fun facts! I have 3 nationalities and have been traveling long distance since I was a baby // my fave place I've been to is Japan // I'm lactose intolerant // Despite being a procastinator I love to work, my main goal in life is to be in love with my job! // I have a very weird phobia of dogs. I think they're great, but idk why I get terrified when I have one near me // I am mixed-race // kinda dark but I was born clinically dead // I'm an ugly laugher, I've always said I laugh like an evil witch lmao it ain't cutesy

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹

That’s pretty much it! Thank you for sticking around with my content I appreciate it so much💕

[sleepyivoryrose]

All my interests seem to fall into a curse of some kind - Bandai Namco is holding .hack// hostage, Blue Period had an awful anime adaptation (even though the live action one looks really promising, but its not my cup of tea), the GANGSTA mangaka got really sick and couldn't end the series (as far as I'm informed) and now the mangaka of the TAD manga might go to prison...i hope it's fake news, but I've seen in on tumblr and on twitter...

...on the other hand...the animal crossing rumor that next game is going to be completely in a city made its rounds and persisted for quite some time...

Hm....hm....HMMMM!!

Man, I guess it's just more motivation to keep making fanart of some sort.

At least Pokemon and Animal Crossing are thriving as always. You can't mess with the power of cute, no you don't.

---

Right now I am in a bit of a slump, creative wise...like the ocean, it seems to have it's tides. I have been submerged into the depths of it for long enough, it's time to at least try to fight back against...well, against this stagnation.

But how do I do that? I am not strong willed, or very smart, or at least disciplined in some way or another. Organizing myself is also not exactly my forte.

Maybe it's time to work on my drawing and writing techniques. More learning oriented, yknow?

Now I've got at least time, if anything else, might as well to put it to good use.

I tend to be endlessly stuck in the clutches of the neverending cycle of posts of social media.

But how else am I supposed to observe and learn? I could go outside, but my most interesting subject, people, is, well...I'm too socially awkward and not very sly to start people watching. Some might even take offense to being used as reference material. No, I can't do it.

Procastination is the greatest enemy of creative progress. Boredom in itself, on the other hand...

--

One of my favorite books dropped a line once: "Forge your blade in the fires of your wrath, that will be your strength." I'm tired of running from my feelings. I want to feel alive. And I will use those feelings, to run ever forward.

It will not be easy though. Many times I will fall to lethargy and feel hopeless and alone. But I will rise. Sooner or later, I'll get up again, and keep running.

Working with my feelings in a productive matter seems to be the best outlet for now.

Take all this frustration and anger, and produce something meaningful out of it. Confront myself with these ugly manifestations, and gain the ability to not drown in them.

It's scary. Not only because the feelings itself are creepy, but the things and people who provoke these feelings will always be there, and they will not be happy to see my true self.

They seem to forget that my illness is nothing to sneeze at. That I am plagued with thoughts and feelings I wished I could bury ten feet under. Contradictory thoughts and feelings, that slowly convince me that this ugly beast that lurks inside me is the real me.

These are difficult times. And if my old me could at least one thing well, is survive a crisis, acting when everyone is frozen in fear.

Keeping a cool head, even if things seem chaotic and scary at first.

And that's what I will do now. I will strive to be the version of myself I want to be. Even if nobody understands me, or hates me. It's always been like that anyways. I just need to get strong again.

---

But to end this entry in a less intense note...

Last days were rainy like crazy. That makes me happy, the temperature is nice, if, of course, humid, but I got almost used to listening to the rain while falling asleep. It's better than the almost absolute silence there is sometimes. On the weekends, just like this, do happen to be a lot of party people walking by, singing or screaming, completely wasted. It's comforting, as long as you are in the safe haven of your room.

--

Okay, I think that's it for today!

[sohlaelwaylly]

OKAY SO! here's some interesting things that ive learned about sohla on Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness: How Did You Develop Such Amazing Taste? with Sohla El-Waylly

Sohla doesnt like to think of herself as an expert, she just likes to keep learning. [and then jvn told her that she SHOULD see herself as an expert]

Also sohla doesnt think shes cool which is so >>>>:(

Growing up, people thought of her as super weird because she was super into her hobbies, and now her hobbies are seen as cool. It feels as though its changed overnight

Sohla used to be really embarrassed about cooking. Her mom used to throw a lot of dinner parties, and Sohla would always help out, but she didnt want her mom to tell anyone she made anything.

Deep down inside she’s still a nerd (she called herself a loser ah :(( )

Sohla grew up in the san fernando valley

She lived in the epicentre of the earthquake zone ->

When her family had just moved in to a new house just before a major earthquake and the whole house fell down. All the exterior walls cracked, all the windows broke. There are still cracks that her parents havent been able to afford to repair :(

AND her dad had a heart attack during the earthquake, and her mom had to run out and turn the gas line off on her own with the bricks falling on her, and the whole neighbourhood was concerned about them because they hadnt left their house yet and they all came together to help sohla and her family

It was an incredible moment of people coming together in the worst situations 😭😭😭

It makes you realize people are great 💕💞

Sohla was born in 1985

Sohla thinks social media has had too much of an influence and it makes learning how to cook difficult

A lot of people are stunted because of it because they are really concerned with making it look nice

TRY UGLY FOOD! Stews and braises! They’re delicious! And being forgotten

“Social media is killing the cook”

“We are worried about making food look pretty and a lot of delicious food doesnt look pretty”

Try [to make] stuff youre not gonna photograph!

Sohla’s book’s goal is for it to come out next fall but she keep falling down these rabbit holes

She’s thinking about doing a series on her instagram called sohla procastinates where she digs at things she finds interesting when shes supposed to working on her cookbook

I thought these were the most interesting bits but click the read more for some other notes i took while I was listening to the podcast! If you want to listen to it! the top notes(^) are from like the last 20 minutes ish of the episode and the notes under the cut (v) are from the first 20 ish

Jvn has been watching sohla for a while 👀

The History channel had been developing ancient recipes since last summer and reached out to her early this year to host. A lot of the recipes were already researched and planned out.

But! Ancient recipes has been picked up for another season and Sohla gets to be more involved this time. She wants to cook outside… with fire

When she heard about the show she was really excited! Finding recipes that havent changed throughout the years are really interesting

She’s really into weird stuff too lol

ie an aspic (savoury mean jello) structure that has a live fish inside

The 6 Ancient recipes episodes were shot in 2 days!!!!

Sohla really wants to make garam- ancient roman fish sauce that’s just rotten fish sauce (?) and ancient ketchup

Also roast a whole lamb over an open fire but there are permits to figure out first

Sohla doesnt really like raw squid, octopus or raw sea cucumber bc of the chew. She doesnt like thing with a lot of chew

She eat a lot of cheese! A nice washed rind-aged cheese. If you let it temper over night and slice off the top, you get instant fondue!

DONT WASH YOUR MEAT. you are spreading the salmonella everywhere and you arent killing anything!!!!

You can open your meat on a rimmed baking sheet and move it over onto a rack. And also maybe dry it off with a paper towel too

Never wash your meat and always dry your meat

Rice your potatoes for mashed potatoes so you dont over work your potatoes! Also roast them on a bed of salt first

Rigalis foods sells fancy food that can give you the eating out experience but in

Sohla’s dad worked at Taco Bell for 20 years, until sohla was 8

Sohla loves taco bell too lol. The mexican pizza was her standard order. It was a great great menu item

Masa crepe batter? to make that tacobell pizza crust?

[orionbones-blog]

I hate feeling fat. I hate being fat. I fucking hate it, so so much. There is absolutely nothing I’ve ever wanted more than to be skinny, nothing. I don’t have any other goals except for that one. It hink it has honestly been my dream ever since I was 8 or 9 years old. I’m 20 now and I still have fat everywhere. I still can’t wear the clothes I want. I still feel uncomfortable and ugly all the time. I still envy other people with better bodies. I still feel like a failure. I hate it so much, I fucking do. But what’s worse is I hate myself for it.

I hate that I’m too lazy to workout properly. I hate that I quit everytime I feel slightly lighter, when I’m still miles away from my ugw. I hate how easily I give in to food and peer pressure to eat. I hate how food excites me and makes me happy. I hate how I can’t stop thinking about food and eat like a pig. I hate that I’ve let almost my entire life be consumed by my lack of self control. I hate myself so much right now. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to not stop, ever. To get from point A to B without hesitation, without cheating, without giving up. To, for once in my life, allow myself to suceed. I just can’t. I much rather continue living in my head having all these fantasies than working hard enough to be able to live them in real life. Because the fact that I hate my body has been a major factor that has prevented me from enjoying  my life. And it has given me so many bad memories and embarrasing moments for me to just forget them everytime I see a snack or eat dessert or fucking overeat. 

I want to, for once, stop being such a perfectionist and procastinator and set real goals, and motivate myself enough to accomplish them. I want to have self control, self love. I want to succeed and make others jealous. I want to reach my full potential, because I know I have plenty under all this fat. I’m sure my life will be better once I reach my goals. I will feel and will be unstopable. I will be stronger than I’ve ever been in my life. I will have control over my demons. And I will never let my life pass me by again. 

[dreamynightstar]

Are you a doer or a dreamer? I’ve been asking myself that question a lot these days. Sometimes i couldn’t help but think if i’m one of those who do things when they’re bored and not being productive. Indulging myself in the things i love help me to get away from my depression. But why does it feel as if i’m not good enough?

They were some people throwing ugly statements saying i made up excuses and procastinating by doing what i fond of is a waste of breath. If only you were in my shoe. Trying to keep a solid opinion is not a crime if it were right in their mind. Can’t you have a better preconceived?

The ambience of what i live in is different from yours. If i voicing out my thoughts only to get backfire by one of your foolishness, i rather left with silent. Words are the only things that dearest to me. The only things that can keep me sane. Shaping me to be stronger by the scar you carve.

I’m not afraid if you call me a dreamer once because i know where i stand. Where i would keep on doing what makes me a thousand better person. There’s no word of perfection, but there’s always a room for improvement. That’s what i’m going to throw myself into. Your doubt is only a subtle of mind game.

Be who you think and what’s the best for you. If it’s hurt you walk away. If they’re spreading nuisance just keep it shut unless it worth debatting for. Being a target of depression is not a choice. You can always give a space to bit of your rationality.

Keep strong dearself. Don’t let anyone take down your crown. No one deserve to be ill-treated. Only we can save ouselves.

[dreamynightmare11]

I hurt my brother. My little brother. Who is a nice guy, I guess. I hurt him. Almost made him cry. Taunted him. I hate how my mind perceives society standards and how it perceives things. Shame on me. Shame on you, Alisha. You are becoming an ugly person, on the inside. Shame on you. For being materialistic. Shame on you. For not studying. Shame on you. You need to shame yourself to remember all the wrong things you have done. Shame on you. Go wipe your tears and go calm down and go HELP and APOLOGISE to your brother. Stop being selfish, bitch. Alisha, what’s happening is W.R.O.N.G. Remember Toinette’s story that you once read?

June 18, Sun, 16:45. The day I procastinated once again on Physics paper 1. Sorry my blog has become boring ahaha

[tartagliaxx]

hi lei!! how are you? my school year is coming to an end only 12 more days left but there all gonna be filled with suffering cause i just got assigned lots of projects and work OTL on the bright side one of them is on slides and i got to make a pretty layout for it my patience for school is really thining though i snapped a pencil because i was so angry it felt great but i usually don't have to resort to that i hope i can last the rest of the days without telling them their being awful for pushing so much work onto us i need that good and hardworking student reputation to last for next year

i've been playing minecraft to take my mind off of it i'm building my house soon and i'm planing to make it a library it also serves as a way for me to procastinate on my teapot its so ugly and i've been wanting to ask did you get your design anywhere? i'm trying to look for places where people post their teapots to get some ideas on what to do with mine- 🍰

why is that more exciting than the 12 days of christmas? congratulations on making it this far! so proud of you bby :’) just give it one final push and you’re good to go! the last weeks of my school year were also the most stressful but eh, i’m here reaping the rewards so i cant say much. while i do feel bad for the pencil, it’s great that you have an outlet for your emotions. being angry is fine. i would also be very angry if i was being pressured to do all sorts of things so use your anger as energy to show your profs how much of a baddie you are 👑

uhhhhhhh i havent actually played minecraft like ever but i think i get the gist of it? i wanted to play it back then but i didnt know how so i ended up forgetting about it lol. anw,, when i started designing my teapot i just had a specific theme in mind which is ‘traditional chinese garden’ and i also decided how to split my areas up. from there, i looked up photos irl and started basing it on that. i did copy like the garden area in mine bc i have no idea how to landscape tho. there are so many youtube vids out there to watch if you wanna look for references. nowadays there are showcases and tutorials all over the place