#thanks matty i don't know why you put up with me for real

[toomuchracket]

was watching seinfeld just now and it gave me an idea: reader dating someone/or just out of a relationship and she is talking about it w/ *insert band member here* and she tells him that her bf/ex never goes down on her and she hasnt gotten THAT in months. *band member* asks if he could help, turns out its the best O she’s ever gotten from it…. *sigh, takes drag of cigarette* also i think this could work more w/ flatmate!matty but idk

i fucking love seinfeld i am an elaine benes stan

and yeah, i think this is very flatmate!matty but maybe the day after he and you have finally gotten together. the next morning, after you both wake up, you're just kissing sweetly and discussing the events of the previous night. you're like "i can't believe you offered to go down on me! that was very sweet of you" and matty's like "what the actual eff? why wouldn't i go down on you?" and you blush and cuddle into him to hide your face and say "well, when i brought guys back we would literally just fuck and nothing else, but even when i was dating that guy he never wanted to do it". and matty just sits up and looks at you in utter shock and goes "wait, baby, when was the last time somebody actually gave you head?" and you furrow your brow and have to think before replying "i'd say it's been at least a year and a half", which makes matty put his head in his hands in total despair. then he flops back on top of you and says "i knew that ex of yours was a fucking idiot who wasn't good enough for you, but i didn't think he'd be so stupid that he never ate you out. christ" and you giggle and matty kisses you and says "imagine not wanting to, though! look at you, perfect girl. imagine not wanting to worship you, to have that beautiful body just grinding against your face, those fucking thighs wrapped around your head". and you're getting really turned on now at the sound of all this - pupils dilating, biting your lip - and you breathily say "you've really thought about going down on me before, huh?" and matty says "at least once every day since we were about sixteen, and multiple times a day since you moved in". your eyes go wide and matty laughs and says "i'm just obsessed with the thought of making you cum on my tongue, sweetheart. quite desperate to know what it feels like to do that, to be honest? can i, now?" and your legs are opening before you can even get a "yes" out and matty's down between them before you even finish saying it, pulling your legs over his shoulders. he groans at the sight of you all bare and wet, then looks up at you and says "don't be quiet, babe" before he ducks back down and his tongue just slices up from your entrance to your clit and you WAIL out his name. and you can just feel matty smile against you before he's sucking your clit into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, then licking into your hole, which makes you cry and grab his hair to use as leverage for grinding against his face, which in turn makes him moan. it's overwhelming, for both of you - you're crying and panting and whining out his name as he straight up just makes out with your cunt, and he's pulling away for air and telling you how good you taste and how badly he wants you to cum. what tips you over the edge into orgasm, actually, is when he sucks on your clit again and starts to lick it in longer, more measured strokes, and after a second you realise it's matty spelling out his own name on the most intimate part of your body, signifying it as his. the realisation just overwhelms you and within seconds you're cumming on matty's tongue, thighs locked around his head, hands in his hair - the strongest orgasm you think you've ever had. once its done, you relax your thighs onto the bed and matty rests his head on one of them, face gleaming with both you and a proud smile, panting just as hard as you. you thank him, softly caressing his hair, and ask him if the real experience was as good as he'd imagined it. matty presses a kiss to your thigh before he says "a million times better. new wank bank material, for certain". and you both laugh, before you sit up and go "no need for wanking when you've got me now. lie down, it's your turn", and you return the favour <3

[betweenthings2]

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. ❜ for gatty please….feel like it can be your sweet spot of angst and smut 😂

Thank you for the ask!! I'm so, so, so sorry it took me so long to write this. I have no excuse. The prompt list is here if anyone else wants to see it =) If it's any consolation, this is like two thousand words and has a real plot.

Subtle smut starters- "It's ok, you can touch me."

*This is adult content, proceed accordingly*

They haven't really done anything since Matty's been home. Really, it's been much longer than that, but Matty doesn't really want to add before to the count. They've been sharing a bed, sharing space, sharing a life, again, but they haven't really done this. They tried more than a few times, but Matty kept freezing up, retreating inside himself, so they stopped trying. Matty knew it would probably be like that. He's had to learn how to reconnect with his body, understand feelings and urges beyond being high and being dope sick.

Matty is doing better now, though. His body feels more like his own. He doesn't hate looking at himself on the mirror anymore. He's getting better at identifying what his body is telling him. He feels better, better than he has in a long time. Matty just needs to convince George to touch him again. It's not that George hasn't touched him at all. Matty likes contact and George hasn't been out to deprive him of that, he's just been very careful of how he does it.

Matty's plan to convince George he's ok again involves less nuance and more simply draping himself over George at every chance he gets. George doesn't give Matty much at first, just careful, gentle touches, and mostly keeps his hands to himself. Matty finds it infuriating and endearing in equal measure. On one hand, he wants George to touch him again, but on the other, George is so good to him, so kind, so thoughtful, so careful, so loving. The whole thing would be solved if Matty just had a conversation, but he's just not quite ready to actually talk about it.

Instead, he doubles down on trying to send the message through actions. He starts by crowding into George's space, trying to get close and touchy. Matty's plan kind of backfires, though, because every time he tries, George just offers a gentle touch to his shoulder or upper back and moves, offering the space he thinks Matty needs. Matty knows he ought to just say something, but every time he tries, he comes up blank on what he's supposed to say. Something like, 'Hey, George, remember how I went to rehab and had no idea how to be a person in a body? I'm better now. Wanna fuck?' Matty's pretty sure that’s the wrong way to go about things. Still, his current approach is also probably the wrong way to go about things, too.

Matty finally makes himself just say something one evening that he and George meet Adam and Ross for dinner and drinks. George excuses himself for a cigarette towards the end of the meal and Matty follows a few minutes later, citing the same excuse after Adam asks if he and George are ok. Outside, George offers a greeting, but makes no move to be close or touch, so Matty crowds himself into George's space, plucks the cigarette from between his fingers, and takes a drag. Ever thoughtful, George takes a step back, giving Matty space, until Matty grabs his wrist, keeping him from stepping away again.

"Stop it," Matty says, dropping the cigarette. "Stop fucking backing off. Stop fucking acting like you don't want to be near me."

George doesn't answer right away, just looks at Matty half confused.

Suddenly it strikes Matty that maybe George doesn't want to be around him. So much has changed and they've been though so much, Matty has put them through so much. He lets go of George's wrist and steps back, saying, "Do you," he pauses, "do you not want to me near me?"

"Fuck, Matty, no, I, I," George pauses to gather his words, then continues, "I always want to be near you. Always."

"Then," a pause, "then why are you acting like you don't?"

George steps closer and pulls Matty into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I am."

Matty rests his forehead against George's shoulder when they separate a bit and mumbles, "I miss you."

"I'm here," George promises, rubbing Matty's back. "I'm here. I'm always right here for you."

"I wanna go home, G," Matty murmurs. "Will you take me home?"

George smiles and presses a kiss into Matty's messy curls, agreeing, "Yeah, let's go home. Just let me pay the bill, ok?"

Matty nods and lets George lead him back inside. The plates have been cleared from their table and Adam and Ross are deep in conversation, glancing up only when Matty and George slide back into their seats. George pays their bill when the waiter comes back and excuses them after that, pointedly wrapping his arm around Matty's waist once they've pulled their jackets on.

They get a cab home and George lets Matty press himself close in the backseat, but there's nothing more than that, just closeness. They both know what's going to happen when they get home, but they all the time in the world to make it good. It's not starting in the backseat of a cab.

It does start when they get inside. They take their shoes off and hang their jackets on the rack by the front door and then George crowds into Matty's space, pulling him close for a kiss, hands just barely against his lower back. When they separate, George detours through the kitchen to leave their leftovers in the fridge and get a glass of water, while Matty heads upstairs. He gets through unbuttoning his shirt before George gets up to the bedroom, too, and takes over.

He pushes Matty's shirt off his shoulders and tosses it away, touches still feather-light against Matty's skin. George leans in for another kiss before he goes to undo Matty's belt and trousers. Matty's hands find their way to unbuttoning George's shirt, too, and it's not long before they're both in nothing but their boxers and Matty urges George toward the bed until he's sitting on the edge.

Matty settles into George's lap, knees on either side of his thighs, and leans in for another kiss, gentle but deep and wanting. George reciprocates, of coure, but he doesn't touch Matty. Instead, his hands hover just barely above Matty's skin, close enough that Matty can sense his hands there, but too far away to feel the contact.

"'s ok," Matty murmurs, breaking the kiss and taking George's hand to rest on his hip, "you can touch me. I want you to touch me."

George leaves his hand on Matty's hips, fingers just barely touching his warm, soft skin, and uses his other hand to cup Matty's jaw, thumb grazing over his cheekbone, and asks, "Are you sure? I don't wanna hurt you."

Matty nods. "You won't hurt me. You've never hurt me. You've never done a thing I didn't want."

Still, George is hesitant, saying, "I don't wanna make things worse. It's ok. We don't have to do anything. You don't own me anything."

"I know that," Matty answers. "I do. I want this. G, I want this." Matty punctuates his words by moving, grinding his hips down into George's lap as if to entice him to do something.

"You're sure?" George asks.

Matty nods again. "I'm sure. I want this."

"You want this?" George echoes, running his hand up Matty's back, under his shirt. "You want me to make you feel good?"

"Please," Matty agrees. "Please touch me."

"Touch you, hm?" George murmurs, ghosting his fingers down Matty's spine. "Like this? Or maybe," he cards fingers through Matty's hair and tugs, "like this? Maybe," George squeezes Matty's hip, fingers digging into his soft skin, "like this?"

Matty shakes his head.

"Maybe like this?" George continues, hand now between Matty's legs, squeezing his cock through his boxers. "Or," George moves his hand to Matty's ass and squeezes again, "here?"

"I want you to fuck me," Matty says, voice low and even, shifting his hips again.

"How?" George pushes. "How do you want me to fuck you?"

"Like you love me," is Matty's answer.

George can't help but press his lips to Matty's in a short, chaste kiss, then murmurs, "I do love you."

"Show me?" Matty asks, quiet and innocent.

"Yeah, I'll show you," George agrees. He guides Matty to lay down, his pale skin a start contrast against the dark bedsheets, and works his boxers off, freeing his hard cock.

"George?"

George pauses. "Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

George can't help but smile and lean down for a gentle kiss, before lubing his fingers and teasing two against Matty's hole until he murmurs a plea, then sinks one inside. He lets Matty get used to having something inside him, then adds a second finger. George takes his time opening Matty up, in part because it's been so long, but also because he can, because he wants to take his time exploring Matty's body, touching him, because Matty wants to be touched.

Eventually George adds a third finger, and after a few moments, Matty says, "I'm ready, George. Don't make me wait, please."

George strokes Matty's hip and responds, "And if I'm not?"

Matty clenches his muscles and whines, like it will convince George to do something.

"Let me, baby, let me take care of you," George murmurs. "Just feel this." He punctuates his words with a careful stroke against Matty's prostate, making him swallow any protests and he does as George told him.

George continues taking his time just feeling Matty and watching his every reaction, appreciating every little noise he makes. When Matty reaches to touch himself, George shakes his head and says, "You're gonna cum like this, just from me touching you."

"I wanna feel you," Matty protests. "Want you to fuck me. Wanna feel your cock. I wanna cum on your cock."

"I will," George responds, stroking Matty's hip again. "You will. You're gonna cum like this first, though. You can cum twice for me, can't you, sweetheart?"

Matty takes a sharp breath, but he nods, and lets George have his way. Really, he has most of what he wants--George's hands on him, George's fingers in him, George all around him--and as long as George keeps saying nice things, keeps calling Matty pet names, keeps being so soft and gentle, he can take whatever he wants from Matty.

"Good boy," George murmurs, "that's my good boy." He finds Matty's prostate again, firm but not rough, making Matty whimper and his cock leak precum against his belly, George repeats the motion, then he does it again and again until Matty cums untouched.

George doesn't stop moving, but his other hand from Matty's hip to his cock to stroke him back to hardness. Matty whimpers when George touches his cock, sensitive, but he doesn't ask George to stop.

What Matty does eventually do is beg. "George," he whines, "please. Don't make me wait any longer, please. Please. I need you."

"Almost," George promises, removing his fingers. He sheds his own boxers, spreads lube over his cock, then lines himself up and sinks slowly inside, stilling to let Matty adjust when he's fully inside.

Matty feels euphoric. Some of that, he's sure, is the lingering fingers of his first orgasm, but more of it is the fact that he finally, finally, is as close to George as physically possible.

Matty kind of gasps which turns into a choked off sob when George starts moving, making him still immediately.

"Matty?" George asks, worried. "Are you hurt?"

Matty shakes his head and tries to wrap his legs around George to keep him close. "'s just," he pauses, "I missed you."

George leans down to kiss Matty hard, wiping a stray tear away when they separate. "You're sure you're ok?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm sure," Matty answers. "Now please, please, fuck me."

George can't help but chuckle, overcome with affection and he rolls his hips, making Matty's breathing hitch. "You asked, baby," he murmurs. He keeps moving, thrusting shallowly, and presses kisses along Matty's jaw, pausing to suck a hickey at his pulse point.

Matty whimpers and chokes back another small sob. George is everywhere, everything is sweat and sex and George. Everything is George and George knows him. George knows him, and in this moment, Matty delights in being known. His cock is trapped behind their bodies, and there's friction with every thrust of George's hips filling Matty just right. He's not sure when it started, but he's fully crying, good crying, but still crying.

There's no warning when Matty cums, he just does, spilling between them and adding to the mess already there. George isn't far behind him, cumming with just a few more thrusts. He's still for a few moments, then sits up and pulls out before doing a kind of halfhearted job of cleaning them both up with tissues from the nightstand. That's not entirely George's fault, though--Matty's still kind of crying and reaches out to George, urging him to lay down.

George has never really been able to say no to Matty, so he does lay down, gathering Matty into his arms and letting him finish crying. Matty's head feels like it's been packed full of cotton, but George is warm and solid and safe, so he makes no move to change anything, comfortable.

After a while, George asks, "How're ya feelin'?"

"'m good," Matty promises. "You're here."

[wolferals]

ROBBERS FOREVER GIRL

Matty Healy x fem!reader

Warnings: drinking

It was 2:33am when she hit send. And 2:34 when he was woken from a decent dream and looked around to where the sound had come from.

In the dark bedroom of his, the light coming from his phone's display blinded his eyes and he squinted when he read the text message.

He was confused to be hearing from her. They'd written a song together around 4 months ago, thats when he'd last seen her.

They hung out a lot back then but after the song was done recorded, they parted. Texted every once in a while but her reaching out like this was strange.

„What are you up to?"

He sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. His white tank top had risen up, exposing his tattooed stomach.

He stared at the text for a good minute before typing.

„Sleeping actually, you alright?"

He waited for her response, which to his luck came very quickly.

„I need company. I hate this."

He didn't know what to respond to that, it had over all been 4 months.

He turned on the little light on his nightstand and typed:"Don't mind me asking but why reach out in the middle of the night after we haven't seen one another in a few months?"

She quickly responded:"At a party. I don't like it here."

He swung his legs over the bed and thought about what was happening.

This was atypical for her. She never went to parties because of her anxiety and her dislike for large groups of people.

And she didn't drink, was she drunk? He wondered.

„Where are you?"

Hoping she'd tell him the exact address so he could check on her.

To his luck, she just sent him her location. He looked at the maps app and realized that she wasn't too far from his place. Quickly, he put on the nearest pair of pants he could find and grabbed his keys.

Fixing his messy hair real quick, he rushed out the door to his car to pick up the girl he hadn't seen in so long.

The drive was quiet, the soft music coming from the radio calming his nerves just right.

The closer he got, the more cars and people he encountered. A huge house party, he realized and parked his car near the building. With his phone clutched in his hand, he made his way to the entryway.

He decided it was smarter to call her before he wandered around at this party until he finally found her.

„Y/n where are you? I'm outside."

He could barely understand her due to the loud music but it seemed like she had understood him and said „okay".

He tried to say some more but eventually she hung up and he looked around full of frustration.

„Matty!" She practically fell into his arms, knees weak from the alcohol she clearly had in her body.

It reminded him too much of himself only a few years ago.

„Hey! You alright?" He asked, holding her up and scanning her face for any discomfort.

She pouted at him and held onto her bag tightly

„Take me home please." He immediately nodded and helped her to his car, where he buckled her seatbelt and got in on the other side.

„Matty?"

She asked, voice shaking a little. He looked at her before starting the car.

„You look good." She smiled sweetly.

Chuckling he nodded and replied:"Thanks love. You look a bit fucked up. Lets take you home alright?"

She leaned her head against the cold window.

„Can't go home." she whispered. He didn't understand so he made her repeat her words.

„Dont wanna."

He didn't ask any more.

„I wanna go to the roof" She suddenly spoke up.

Matty kept scanning her face. „To jump?"

She shook her head.

„To breathe."

He nodded. „Alright lets get you on the roof."

He started the engine and started driving back to his place where they had shared a few moments together.

She had tried her first cigarette up there. He remembered how she was coughing and asking for water right after. He had found it hilarious and she'd slapped him in the shoulder for it.

He'd loved that night.

They had shared a pizza and worked on some lyrics while the Manchester nightlife was at its peak.

„Why were you at that party? Did you go with friends?" He asked after a few minutes. Meanwhile she was still leaning her head against the cold glass, holding her arms. She looked like she was cold. So Matty turned on the heater and kept sending her glances. After a bit she seemed to relax a bit.

„Did you know someone at that party?" He tried again after not getting a response.

„Yeah." She said.

He didn't know what to respond just yet. But eventually he questioned:"Did something happen at the party? You said you didn't drink."

She shook her head and finally came back up to look straight out the front window.

„My best friend is dating my ex. Another friend invited me to the party but seeing her again hurt. So I drank."

Matty listened intently. „You alright though?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

„Yeah i guess."

„Matty?" She whispered, turning her head to look at him.

He sent her a quick look and smiled, focusing back on the street. „Thank you. You didn't have to come you know? I don't know why I texted you."

Matty simply put his hand on her arm and rubbed it softly. But only for a second, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

„I know you don't drink. I was worried."

She couldn't help but smile at the sweet man beside her. Then she noticed what he was wearing. The pants were far too fancy to be picking someone up in the middle of the night.

„Why you wearing these?" She poked into his left leg and looked at his profile.

„Were my nearest trousers. Wore them on stage tonight."

Her eyes widened.

„You were on tonight? I'm sorry, you must be exhausted."

-„No I'm alright it was a fun show. Ended around 9 and I went straight home because I was starving. Went to bed at 10. I'm actually really awake you know?" He shrugged it off and she relaxed again.

„You smell good." She noticed. She didn't mean to say it out loud but it only made him grin.

„Thanks. It's fags and red wine. That I didn't drink don't worry; just spilled it on myself because George.. You know George."

She knew George yes. She laughed. He loved her laugh; it sounded natural and sweet. Like she meant it.

But she was probably too drunk anyways.

„How have you been?" She forced herself to speak. It helped her sober up quicker.

„Great! We've been on tour for 2 months. Just came back two days ago. We played our last show tonight; i wanted to end it here because... you know. Home. Home's where the heart is. But no it was beautiful. The whole tour was a lot of fun. Good reactions too. Couldn't be better at the moment."

-„How's the addiction going?"

He now remembered how honest she could be. The alcohol probably only added to that.

„I've been sober for 3 years now. Barely drank either."

She started to smile brightly. „Thats great! I'm so proud of you."

Matty smiled as well. „Thanks love."

„And here we are, you remember? Do you need help?"

He turned off the engine and got out of the car.

She managed to open the door and step out of the vehicle herself.

Matty walked around the car to give her some support.

„You alright?"

She nodded.

Holding onto her waist he helped her into the building and dragged her to the elevator.

She leaned onto the wall as he pushed the button up to the 11th floor.

Then he leaned back as well.

She turned her head to her left and looked at him. He did the same and for a split second they just looked at each other.

Her eyes looked more vibrant in that elevator light.

He looked tired, she noticed. But also there was something else in his eyes. Care? Worry?

She broke the eye contact again and started laughing because it felt so weird to her to be back here after such a long time.

„Whats so funny?" He laughed as well.

„Are you takin the piss?"

She loved how he talked. She barely understood his accent or the strange terms he used but she loved it all.

„I missed you." She admitted and scanned the elevator ceiling.

Matty liked the sound of that.

But before he could speak up, the elevator came to a halt and the doors opened.

„After you." She stumbled towards his door and he opened it with his key.

Inside the apartment, she took her shoes off and walked towards the couch.

„I'll get you a jumper to put on." Matty spoke and left her alone for a second just to return with one of his garments in hand.

„Thanks." She grabbed it and pulled it over her head.

Matty couldn't help but smile at the picture. She looked good in his clothes. They had a very similar size, therefore it fit her perfectly, just a slight bit too long on the sleeves.

She leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling while Matty turned on some dim lights and checked his fridge for something to eat.

„Here." he handed her a bottle of cold water.

„No." she shook her head.

„You've got to drink y/n. It's going to help you sober up." He practically had to force her to grab the bottle and take a big sip.

He then sat down next to her and watched her.

„Still want to go to the roof?"

She only shook her head no. „Too cold."

„You're still cold? Come here." He put his arm around her and started caressing her left shoulder.

She instinctively leaned her head against him and closed her eyes.

Enjoying his touch, they stayed like that for a good few minutes until suddenly a loud ring went through the room, scaring her to the point where she flinched.

„Fuck." he groaned and pulled his arm back, going to grab his phone.

„What?" he spoke into the phone, sounding really mad.

„George you twat what do you want, it's the middle of the night."

She leaned her head against her hand and watched him as he stood on the other side of the room rolling his eyes at his friend.

„Fuck no, piss off."

„No not tomorrow. We can do that on Monday. It can wait.... Yeah bye. Fuck off."

Matty slammed his phone on the table and sat back down next to the girl.

„You okay?" She asked softly, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He nodded. „George's been worried about a song we're producing at the moment. He was mixing some vocals and something sounded off so he wanted me to fix it tomorrow. But I've got other things to do."

-„Like me? I can go." She initiated to get up but Matty held her back by placing his hand on her thigh. „Not you. You stay."

She laughed and sat back down.

„You feeling better?" The man asked her then.

„Much. Thank you." She took a deep breath looking at him.

„Can you play me something?" She spotted the electric guitar in the corner. His eyes followed hers and he eventually got up to get his guitar.

Placing it on his lap, he put his feet up on the table and got ready.

„What do you want to hear? Robbers?"

He grinned, remembering how she was singing along to the song that night on the roof.

She smiled and nodded.

Matty started out slow and started playing his own song to the girl who looked at him in awe. She was fascinated by how his fingers were strumming that guitar, producing those beautiful noises.

„Sing for me." She whispered and leaned her cheek against his shoulder.

Matty didn't waste a second and sang her favorite song.

He looked at her halfway through the song and she started singing along with him.

By the time the song reached it's highest point they were singing and enjoying themselves. This surely was a core memory for both of them.

Matty noticed how her eyes lit up and how happy she looked. It made him smile and like her even more.

„But if you just take off your mask."

She sang loudly, still leaning her face against him.

„You'll find out. Everything's gone..."

He turned his head to look at her.

„Wrong."

Then he didn't waste any time and pressed his lips to hers, dropping the guitar onto his lap.

She kissed him back immediately and he deepened the kiss by pulling her closer by the back of her neck.

The girl smiled mid kiss and he let go.

„Now everybody's dead!" they both screamed the lyrics while she held onto him tightly.

She was finally happy again.

„I'm finally a robbers girl." she laughed in his ear. It made him grin widely.

„Yes you are. Do you want to be the robbers girl of the year?"

She nodded laughing. „Yeah of course."

-„You look so cool."

She whispered before he kissed her once again and their tongues intertwined.

She was his robbers girl. Forever.

[because-she-goes]

louder than bombs

warnings: some swearing, banter, matty brain rot, an obscene amount of music references, matty being hot, enemies to lovers. Enjoy!

Rooney stared at the document on her computer, the cursor blinking back at her. Books in piles around her and the quiet hum on the air conditioning being the only thing she is able to focus on… not the rough draft of the profile she’s supposed to have submitted to the first round of edits by the end of the week. Her home is normally a quiet, calm, serene environment for writing - the diffuser of jasmine oil typically comforting her mind whenever it got a bit too busy, yet now it only nauseated her. Now it only reminded her of him, and the way his jugular vein shot up out of the collar of his shirt past his perfectly angular jawline and into his side burn and also the way the gold cartier band wrapped around the bones in his wrist and pulse point and shined against his pale skin. Fuck matty healy she thinks, rubbing her temples. A deep sigh leaving her throat, the whole day had been like this.

Unable to concentrate properly on anything and mind adrift, the only real thing she could think of was how the few hours or so she spent with Matty talking about music over their respective caffeinated beverages felt like it was only a split second. Another wave of nausea as something dawned on her, like a sunbeam coming through the trees and into her home - she could have spent a lifetime talking to him about the music they both loved and grew up with in the north of england. She talked about The Hollies and the guitar sections in “Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)”, he talked about how The Stone Roses had more grit and rock than her precious Hollies could ever dream of. Rooney recalled looking him dead in those fucking eyes and saying “Graham Nash and Allan Clarke. Case closed.” and how that had silenced the whole discussion of who was better, they then moved onto discussions about Joy Division vs. New Order and The Smiths vs. The Cure. They then drifted off music for a bit to a topic of utmost importance to Matty, who she preferred, Manchester City or Man United. They butted heads the whole time, but Rooney had never met another human on the planet who knew as much about Manchester music than herself. It was as if a human had gotten split into two and then the twins were sent in opposite directions of the music world, one the performer and one the critic.

She had to get out of her house, and quickly. If she festered in this mental rot any longer she was sure it would begin to decompose. Rooney grabbed her keys and shoved her writing gear into a bag and said a quick goodbye to her Bernese Mountain puppy Arlo. With that she was now in the open world and on her way to the local coffee shop near her house - where she had first met the man plaguing her every thought. She waved a hello to the baristas and plopped down in one of the comfier corners and got set up. Opening the document again, she felt more refreshed and as focussed as a laser. Funny what some fresh air and a change of scenery can do to the brain. That is until she felt a particularly strong tap on the shoulder, fucking brilliant right when she just got back into her groove. Annoyed, she turned around at whatever this disturbance was.

“Why hello there, clover! Funny seeing you here, thought you’d be cooped up in your house editing away our little interview. Which may I add, was one of the most delightful press things I have ever done so thanks for the chat, darling. I brought you your regular… iced peppermint tea right?” His perfectly coarse voice rang out over the Bob Dylan playing on the speakers.

Fuck him. Fuck Matty for being so attentive, so kind, so handsome… so Matty.

“You know, you still don't have to suck up to me right? I’m not gonna be putting anything in to help you impress some girl you're shagging so you can forget all about that… Darling.” She spat at him, snatching the iced tea sharply. Fuck him for getting her so riled up and out of her mind with… whatever this new emotion was.

“Jealous it isn’t you, clover? And for the record, she’s just a friend, nothing more - and you’d know if I was trying to impress someone. Enjoy the iced tea and good luck with the edit, Rooney. Maybe I’ll be seeing you around, I quite like it here.” He then walked out the door, lighting a cig and strolling down the road. The gray smoke perfectly matched the grays in his hairline.

Rooney huffed. Well, today was gonna be a wash. She closed her laptop and sipped her deliciousy sweet peppermint tea - fuck he remembered the honey she put in it. Another huff and sip.

Another huff and sip, Matty read his paper. He was sitting at the cafe from the NME interview, growing to quite like the calming energy and the cappuccinos were some of the best he had tasted. In the paper today, like every other day, the resounding message was that the world was going to shit. Another huff and sip of the now room temperature coffee, flipping the pages of the paper to the Art and Culture section. He liked reading these sections for obvious reasons, but especially since they typically focussed on new and emerging artists. People and musicians who may be getting the exposure for the first time, people who reminded him of his younger self and of simpler times. Back when the 1975 weren’t headlining festivals like Glastonbury or Reading and Leeds, back before they weren’t selling out arenas in New York or working on the set design of their global tours. He liked reminiscing on those simpler times, before the money or the fame or the girls that would sit outside of venues waiting for him. Don’t mistake him, he loved his life currently and everything, he just wished he could have some of that normal, mundane, quietness back. He longed for domesticity and peace. With that, and a few articles and mugs of coffee later, he felt the energy shift.

A soft breeze of the doors opening went through the cafe, a golden leaf landing at his foot. Looking up, he saw the flash of red hair go by him followed by a waft of cherry and almond - holy fuck, she even smelled divine. His heart began to pound against his ribs, he felt like it was in his throat all of a sudden. His mind dizzy with her, how her eyes were so fixed on him as he spoke to her that day and how easy it was to carry the conversation - like he had known her a lifetime already. He went up to the barista and quickly ordered her regular with honey as he recalled being perplexed by - a cold drink mixed in with something so sticky sweet. He swallowed his nerves as he could now hear his heart beating away in his chest - louder than bombs. He remembered talking about The Smiths vs. The Cure with her and how she had preferred Morrissey and how he was a Manchester lead singer. As if she couldn’t be any better, he thought in the moment.

With her drink in hand and his regular Truman Black persona in tow, he waltzed over to her table. Delicate hand tapping her rounded shoulder. A huff…no. A gentle gasp leaving her lips.

[floralcrematorium]

I don't know if youve answered this before, but what made you come back? I'm not that old in the fandom, maybe half a year and it's so interesting how that fandom changed and how it used to be.

Thanks for the ask! I'm gonna be real with you, it was an accident. This is about to be a loooooooong ass post so I'm putting it beneath the cut:

It happened steadily in July. A very slippery slope.

I left in or around 2018 just because I lost interest. A friend in 7th grade introduced me to it in early 2014. I had been running my Instagram account since Summer of 2014 with my best friend (who at the time had been my partner, and by 2018 we had broken up) and our other friend. We'd all moved on and the account became dead. It wasn't a good account, but we'd amassed 1.1k followers during our tenure. Those were the days of if you wanted to post a comic, there were no Instagram slides. You had to post it all individually. The account was deleted in 2021? I think? 2020?

So come July 2023, I was poking around in my old Google Drive and found some of my old Hetalia stuff. Which included a fic with the aforementioned friends. It uh. Is not good. I reread it and oh boy is it a product of its time (we were probably 13-15 when we wrote it) and it was a 3 way POV that we all wrote with self insert characters. It was basically Heta characters get thrown in the setting of Outlast but with the plot of FNAF. Yeah. So uh. Not much to defend there. I jokingly went to my friends like "Hey, what if we rewrote this but not horrible" and we genuinely thought about it! For a night.

But for me it wasn't one night.

I kept thinking about it.

And one thing led to the next, I was revisiting old Youtube videos I liked and reread a fic I used to like.

I think what really did me in was listening to the character songs again and a couple of hetaloid covers. I was doing artfight and listening only to Hetalia music while I drew.

I genuinely did not really use my normal Tumblr before floralcrematorium came to be. I have an entirely separate account for personal stuff and art (I will not be sharing it) and it got to a point where I was seeking so much Hetalia stuff that I figured, why the fuck not, and eventually made an account. I also eventually made my first A03 account (I was on Wattpad and FFN back in the day) because someone wrote a CanUkr fic where Mattie had overexerted himself and was in the hospital and Katya and Alfred were going to kill him because he kept insisting he could work (I CANNOT FIND THIS FIC AGAIN, I FOUND IT ON TUMBLR ORIGINALLY, PLEASE HELP IF THIS RINGS A BELL!!).

And uh, so here I am!

I draw Hetalia stuff on occasion (I should... draw more considering that's what I went to college for but whatever) and have a couple of ideas for illustration series in my head.

I've got a lot of fic ideas I want to write. I have a literal list on my phone. I think about it in bed, at work, and little things remind me of Hetalia all the time.

I've gotten back into RP (I used to use Shamchat and Kik).

I've met so many cool people and I've been having a wonderful time being back so far. When I was originally in the fandom, I consumed a lot of content, but as far as mutuals went it was just me and my two friends. Meeting so many new people has been absolutely wonderful.

Hetalia is really the only fandom I've been in. I've liked other media and consumed fics/enjoyed art/bought prints (COUGH RWBY), but Hetalia is the only media I've ever had fan accounts for. It's the only media I've so deeply entrenched myself in that I feel comfortable writing fics. My walls used to be covered in Hetalia -- both official wall scrolls and shitty art I'd made myself (I have pictures I can attach at the end of the post). I had... so much merch. When I was 14 I only asked for Hetalia related things for my birthday. Every now and again I get that "am I doing the right thing?" ick because of the negative fandom reputation and reactions I'd get from people when I would admit to having liked Hetalia in the past, but I don't care about that now. Genuinely, fuck that. I like this piece of media whether I want to or not. I'm not going to be a self-hating Hetalia fan like I was in 2018-2021/22. I've come back to the show with completely different... motives? Idk what the right phrase is here -- I'm here to explore the characters of these little freaks (looking at you, Francis), I love all of the fanart I see, I like the exchange of historical and cultural information/resources.

Sure, I'd consider my fandom niche to be humanverse Francis and FACE fam, but I genuinely enjoy exploring outside of my corner of the fandom. I try to spread myself out -- I want to consume everything. I want to be exposed to everything.

Hetalia is one of the single most impactful pieces of media in my life. Without it, I wouldn't have my best friend, who broke up with me for APH Austria in 2015. The friends I ran the Instagram account with and I are all still in contact. I talk to one much more frequently than the other, but they are both so near and dear to my heart and I can't believe that this silly show is what got us to where we are. The youngest of us is about to graduate college a whole year early. I met her when she was 11 and I was 12 or 13? I couldn't be more proud of her, of the three of us, and it's been so fun to have these occasional nights where we (okay, just me) get tipsy and go through old fandom media/watch the dub and go ooooof. I was in a really bad place when I was originally into Hetalia. Coming back now feels like coming full circle.

The old fandom had plenty of its own issues, and the fandom now certainly isn't devoid of issues, but now that the fanbase has shifted to an older audience and I actually have like. Social skills. I love talking to other people. I like creating. I like thinking about these stupid characters before I go to bed.

My single favorite thing about the Hetalia fandom now is the care put into historical work as well as the exploration of portrayals of the characters. Because Hetalia lacks a plot and Hima is constantly retconning things, everyone has their own interpretations of everything. Everyone has their own version of Francis Bonnefoy, Yao Wang, or Alfred F. Jones. And that's so cool!!! You don't see that anywhere else.

I know I'm typically a pessimist on main, but I'm genuinely glad to be back. It's weird to be back. I've had mixed reactions from irl friends that I'm back.

But who the fuck cares?

I'm having fun, I'm making friends, and I can't believe there are still people here.

I genuinely hope I'm here for a while. I have so much I want to write. I want to draw all of the things my skill level was too low for back when I was a teen.

CRINGE IS DEAD AND I AM FREE.

The following images are certainly about to destroy any cool perception anyone has of me, if they even do. I was... certainly a teenager, is all I have to say! I am,,, thankfully not like this anymore. I hope.

Here are those pictures of my bedroom circa 2015 I promised:

DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT THE LIVE LAUGH LOVE.

That drawing of Russia with Neko-Talia Russia? Yeah. Uh. I did that for an art project in the 7th grade for class. I also did a ceramics piece with the mochis, that I've since lost. These images scream "I'm 14 and like Hetalia in 2015."

I used to have little hearts with all the ships I liked in them (I think that's AusHun in the picture on the left?). I also had "I love you" written in like 20 languages on index cards taped above my headboard.

Also a literal timestamp I found in my old emails with the friend who got me into Hetalia:

Being a young teenager in the old fandom certainly,,,, was something. I would not relive that, but by god would I do ANYTHING to get my favorite pieces of fan media back from that time. There was a video called "Hetalia What Did You Do To Panda" which was a bunch of clips from the anime with Katie Herzig's "Hey Na Na" playing in the background. Every now and then a dub audio clip would interject with the song.

I also really miss this one very specific Character Theme Songs video that had Poland in the thumbnail. Mein Gott would play between each song and I could tell you most of the songs that had been assigned to each character.

I would do ANYTHING to get those videos back. I miss them so much.

Anyway, if you read this whole thing, thanks for reading??? I am very Cool And Normal about the things I like, unfortunately. It's nice to come back to Hetalia and like... be a normal person about it.

All I've got to say is, when I like something, I like it a lot.

[forabeatofadrum]

Just Some Guy (9/9) - COMPLETE

AO3

–

Epilogue

MATT

My mum is loaded, so I can afford to take a gap year to travel. I’m going to America with John and Leslie for a cross-country road trip for a couple of weeks. I will visit the Cordero family, of course. John bemoans that the city of Samwell doesn’t exist in this universe, or something, so we’re making a stop at Providence since that’s ‘the next best thing’ or whatever. Leslie really wants to see Ohio for some reason. Apart from that, we have no concrete plans.

What will I do afterwards? I don’t know. I can go to university, like Luis, Scott and Sam. I can try to find a place where I can enrol in February. Or I could look for a job, like Ryan and Arnold.

We’ve graduated. Our entire life is in front of us.

John tells me not to worry, since my story will be over anyway. That’s so weird, because I feel like I am only just at the beginning.

I tell him that.

“No, really, man, this fic will be over in a couple of paragraphs,” he says back, “Around 300 words left!”

As usual, I don’t know what he means. The two of us are walking up a flight of stairs. We’re visiting my mum. She moved to a new flat in Camberwell and there’s an extra room. I will move in here after I come back from my road trip, because I like the idea of living in London and I miss my mum.

We leave the stairwell and go through the door that leads to my mum’s floor when I see someone in front of one of the flat’s doors.

This guy is on his phone, leaning against the wall. He’s wearing a floral top and jeans. A large bag is slung over his shoulder and he’s holding a huge water bottle in his other hand.

I didn’t recognise him for a second, with his hair loose like that and with a casual look, but it’s Baz Pitch.

What the fuck? What is Baz Pitch doing in my mum’s hallway?

He hasn’t noticed us yet, too engrossed in whatever’s on his phone. We pass him without a word and quickly enter my mum’s flat before he can notice us.

“Mum?” I yell out.

My mum emerges from the kitchen. Her hands are covered in flour.

“Yes, dear?” she asks.

“Why is- I mean, there’s a guy loitering around at number 61!” I say. Does my mum even know that’s Baz Pitch, the Pitch Heir? Even I had troubles recognising him and I just spent 8 years in the same class as him.

“Oh, that handsome young man?” my mum laughs, “The neighbours joke that he haunts that door day and night! They should just give him a key already.”

“… They?” I ask, but I can already feel the dread building up.

“His boyfriend lives there,” my mum says lightly, “I haven’t actually seen him yet, since I am often at work, but I know that he lives there with a friend.”

Baz Pitch’s boyfriend.

That means…

Simon Snow.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

--

End notes:

Hey yo it's John Johnson here. The author told me I have the privilege to write the last author's note but also who are we kidding? We all know it's still the author putting the words in my metaphorical mouth. ANYWAY supes thanks for reading. Watching Matty grow up from a strapping young lad to a full-blown adult has been a real treat and I hope you liked seeing his story unfold as much as I did. Or maybe not. I mean, brah, I was part of it lol. (Can I make Matty meet Jack and Bitty? How does this work? I mean, I also already met Kurt Hummel in another fic of the author, so everything is possible.) But yeah thanks a lot for reading. I can tell you the author absolutely loved writing it and sharing it with you.

It's so funny, cause chapter 8 was the last one, but then Annie letraspal made some gorgeous fanart (which is linked in this chapter) and the author realised it'd be really fucking funny if Matt hadn't entirely gotten rid of Simon and Baz yet.

MCD's story is definitely over. I told him so myself. Yet, there are some small snippet of his future you might like to know. Like, don't spoil this for Matt yet, but he and Leslie won't last. Boo. Or fun fact, did you know I actually spoke to Baz regularly? LOL. Lmao even. Matt never knew, so neither did y'all, since it wasn't relevant to the plot. I did mention in a blog post on the author's blog that I think he's fit, but bet y'all didn't see coming I was friendly with him. And yeah, Simon and Matt (and Penny) are neighbours now, but no worries, Matt will continue his uneventful life in ignorance. The dude won't know Simon's moved out to Hackney Wick till idk a year after??? I might tell him sooner, but as I mentioned before, gaslighting my bestie for the narrative is a treat.

All this to say that the world of Carry On.... carries on, even without Matty giving you a glimpse into it. Apart from what I mentioned above, I have no fucking clue what's next for him and therefore neither does the author. Or is it the other way around??? Do I only not know because she doesn't know??? I should ask her. But even so, feel free to keep Matty Chris D. (thanks Dre for the name, I was gonna do a shout-out to you in the fic itself but it never fit oop) in your hearts. I definitely will. Stay 'swasome everyone and have a good day. - J.J.

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

I’ve finally decided to upload the whole fanfic on here this is the start of it if you’d like to see more just let me know I’ll post a chapter a day unless anyone ask for more I’m really proud of this I know there are mistakes and all but here we go

Angst involved it does get mature eventually but for now just fluff and angst

It was late the buzz of Manchester leaking through my bedroom window as I lay in bed on my laptop in the mist of an online game of Pub-G (lame I know ). I've been playing for hours. I was supposed to be going to bed at least 3 hours ago ,that was the plan as I've got School tomorrow but for some reason I can't bring myself to close the game for the night. Doing things to preoccupy my mind is all I've needed for the past two weeks I've started studying for my GCSE,s probably to finally complete them in a few weeks and I'm so stressed about them. I kept ending up in games with and user called GeoDan16 and if by fate we keep ending up as the last players in the game and battling one another. I've won 7 of the 11 games we have played. I've added his user in the lobby of the games and I'm just waiting to see if he adds me back , This was so I can possibly have someone to speak to as I play. It takes about ten minutes before the acceptance alert rings through my room , as my laptop, phone and IPad light up due to having the game on all of them for all occasions. Spotting the alert on the corner of my laptop screen I pick up my phone and swiftly type a message. Yes I know I'm using my laptop and I could message them there but it feels better to message on my phone and play on my laptop. I just type a simple

TrumanBlack: " Hey there ...... these games are wild . You played good tho ;)"

I then just put my phone back onto the bed next to me and decide I want to watch YouTube for a while and hopefully let sleep consume me. After racking through YouTube for a video to watch I come across "Daz Blacks latest video I click on it , select the big screen options and pause it before it starts. I place me laptop down next to me and slide from my bed and into my on suite so I can use the bathroom and brush my teeth for what feels like the 20th time tonight. I've smoked an excessive amount tonight and I don't understand why. Hearing my alert tone go off again I quickly finish up in the bathroom and make my way back to bed and see my notification my my phone screen "message from GeoDan16". I open my phone properly to read it

GeoDan16: "Yo :) , thanks , how many games was that ?"

Pulling my blanket back around me I press play on the YouTube video and sink into the heat of the mattress and softness of the duvet

TrumanBlack : "I believe it was 11 , and I won 7 LOSER"

GeoDan16 : "Uhhh...rude , I still won 4 so excuse me but you ain't the overall winner "

TrumanBlack : "No I'm maybe not but I still did better than you ;D "

I know this is probably weird to think as I don't even know this person but feel a buzz something that says I'm gunna love them , like I've known them years and we're just catching up

GeoDan16: "Were just going to have to have a winner takes all round someday huh....also Truman??, What kind of name is that it's kinda interesting is someone obsessed with the Truman show or something "

TrumanBlack : "Nah I just came up with the name when I was like ten and it sounded kinda edgy :D "

As I'm laying there my eyes start to feel heavy and I can feel them starting to drop and I yawn. But I try to ignore it so I can stay up a little longer and hopefully learn more about this person

GeoDan16: " So it's not your real name then ???"

TrumanBlack: "nope it's actually Matty , what about you , what's your actual name "

GeoDan16 : "Contrary to popular belief it's not geo or Dan ... the names George "

TrumanBlack: "George...That's an old guys name...how old are you....im not talking to some ancient man am I "

I laugh to myself because obviously I can't be he played well ...too well for an old guy BUT I've got to cover my tracks my mum always tells me to be more safe online

GeoDan16: "Nah man I'm 16....oldest in my year .... Year 10 what about you ...Matty is 100% not your full name what are you 12?... rebelling against anyone who calls you your full name "

TrumanBlack : "I'll have you know George that I'm actually 17 not 12 and no my full name is Matthew but I only get called that at school or when I've pissed my mum off or my best friend.....but also year ten so your from the UK then"

GeoDan16: "yeh southwest London ....Wbu "

TrumanBlack : "ay im from Manchester "

It's not very often you meet someone from the same continent as you this late at night on these games so this is quite cool

TrumanBlack: "why you up so late then Georgie???"

GeoDan16: "I ain't been called Georgie since I was 7 Matthew :D , also I just can't sleep it's soooo cold right now ....and you ?"

TrumanBlack : "just stressing about GCSE's man ....I know I'm not dumb but my maths and physics are gunna go down the drain and I don't wanna fail "

GeoDan16: "ahh I feel ya bro ....I've just started studying for my GCSEs too but your must be year 11 and going to be doing them soon right ?"

TrumanBlack : "yup they start in a few weeks "

My eyes are now struggling to stay awake and my screen has become a blurry mess as I attempt to keep my eyes open and without realising it my phone slides out of my hand onto the duvet and my eyes shut slowly

GeoDan16 ; "I could help if you like "

I don't see or hear this message come through as I'm too far gone and too tired to realise and I just fall asleep and hopefully dream of good things

GeoDan16 "g'night Matty "

[fallingforel]

Arabella pt10- ICU

"hey" I said through my phone sounding quiet, this was something I never wanted to do but for the sake of the boys I'd do anything and everything to keep their jobs for them.

"hey, thought you never wanted to hear from me again, I'm sorry y/n" he spoke to me over the phone. "It's okay I'm over it now, so listen" I wasn't really but it had to be done. "all ears. Are you okay?" he asks sincerity lacing his voice "err not really. Matty's in hospital, In a coma, he needs to go to rehab, the guys were supposed to record their album and I'm supposed to be in Mexico right now."

"shit, look I appreciate you telling me. But why?" "Ross had an Idea, not one that was appreciated by George, but Adam and I thought it would probably be best." "riiiiight?" "umm, Ross thought that you could take Matty's place temporarily, Just to record the album, not go on tour or anything like that, Jamie said they can wait for that, just until Matty's better, and more inclined to perform, he can't right now he's temporarily unconcious"

"umm, Y/n, could you leave this with me I'll have to talk with people and have a think, can I get back to you by the end of the day"

"yeah, of course you can. Just have a long hard think about it, I've got to go to the hospital anyway."

"thanks y/n/n you were always the best at giving extended deadlines" he says with a chuckle, before hanging up.

⋆｡°✩

Walking into Dr. Inverness' office, with the answer it was decided that we would all appreciate it if Matty went to rehab he couldn't go on the way he was. What we all had agreed on though was that he wouldn't go to a rehab service provided by the NHS he would go to a nice rehabilliation centre situated away from the UK and would get 1 to 1 care that was needed.

Knocking on the Doctors door earns me a "come in"

"ahh y/n l/n, nice of you to show your face have you got an answer for me?"

"I do and I don't" "I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that love." "we all want Matty to go to Rehab, but we don't want him to go to one provided by the NHS (no offence), you know because of the risks and all, that he won't get better, wont get the attention he deserves because of his case, but I was wondering if you could put me in touch with one of these types of services"

"Absolutely, I had a son go through the exact same thing we didn't want him to go through the NHS because I know what their like you know, So we decided to send him to this one, I think they might be exactly what you're looking for. It's here somewhere" He says digging through his things. Before pulling out a buisness card from his desk and sliding it over the table to me. I take it and slot it in my purse putting it away to call them later.

"Just one thing else, whatever you do, don't contact them until Matty's woken up because they will want to get him situated in their as soon as after the phone call"

"okay thank you, so much for the help. I'm gonna go see Matty now."

⋆｡°✩

2 weeks Later

Laying in bed with my laptop and my phone out, at the moment I was skyping Alex we've been doing that a lot lately, trying to find space in the time difference and our busy days, alex with touring and Me with replying to emails about anything and everything, any modelling job I can take here in England not much at the moment but It's looking up it really is.

"Hows the job search going babe?"

"It's going not well, they're all in U.S. or europe I'm not suprised with London Fashion week just gone, Paris and New York fashion weeks coming up thats all modelling Agency's are looking for, and I can't particuallarly put anything up on twitter because it will spark suspicion and we're trying to keep the fans in the dark about Matty."

"how is he anyway?"

"he's good, one of the nurses said he should come round real soon, so it's looking real good, just worried that when I tell him about rehab and Jake coming on the album he's going to flip and run, just like he always does."

"mmh, hows things with Adam" Adam and I haven't spoke since we had that arguement out in my parents garden, if I had any news about anything revolving how Matty's doing or about the album I would either tell Ross or George and they would relay it to him, I hope so anyway.

"not good, we're still not talking to eachother. And I've said to George and Ross if he wants to talk he's going to be the one to apologise, he's the one that said all those hateful things about our best mate and it wasn't fair on Matty, we all deal with pain differently, that's just how he dealt with his."

"yeah, I get that 100% though, why should you be the one to apologise" Alex said before a ringing from my phone interrupted the next thing I was about to say.

Naturally I answered it.

"Hello?"

"hello, is this Y/n L/n?"

"speaking"

"your friend is awake, Matty Healy, could you come down here please"

"yes of course I can, I'll be there in about 10/15 minutes" I say hanging up.

"y/n?" alex says reminding me that he's still there, "is everything okay?"

"Mattys awake."

⋆｡°✩

end of chap 10

[clubsmarties]

"Oh, totally the newspaper. You've got kind of an old timey vibe to you. It suits you." Jax smiled softly. "I wouldn't kick you out of bed if that's what you're worried about." She made a funny little expression at that. "If I had to explain to your family then I'd start off with he was distracted on his phone, probably texting a girlfriend or wife." Seamlessly fishing for information into whether this handsome stranger was taken or single. Her guess? Off the market. He had to be. At the very least probably with a life partner or something dumb like that. "Or boyfriend. I don't judge." She narrowed her eyes as she took a good look. His eyes were piercing blue and that took her back a little. Strong jawbone which was a little funny. "You have a Vader helmet nose," she remarked out of the blue then reached her verdict. "You have kind eyes. You put up a wall for ones that don't know you but you wouldn't hesitate to help someone in need."

She frowned and tilted her head. "Well, why not? Why is a shirt kind of insane? Spills happen as you're exhibit A. Are you a gym bro? You don't seem like one. Though your arms may show different." Shaking her head she smiled. "Mondays were busy and also no one likes Mondays so why would tea spilling on strangers be on the most stressful day of the week?" Matthew. "That's pretty. Do people call you Matty? Nice to meet you Matt. Do you prefer to be called Matt? You don't look like a Matt. Not a bad thing just not a name I'd have guessed." Getting his phone she giggled softly looking at the name. "Hey, it beats being called tea bitch. Thank you for the compliment. People don't believe me when I say I am actually named Jax. They think it's short for something. Well it is. It's Jackson but not for me. It's just Jax. There," she gave him back his phone and sent him a gif of a dancing coffee cup just to make sure he knew he had gotten her real number and not some fake one. "Don't rush the shirt. I'm still around for two weeks. How long are you here for?"

The comment just went right over her head, didn't it? Now, Matt wondered the asshole she made. Just who had she run into before? Because, while he wasn't being a complete one, he was definitely failing with the occasional asshole-ish comment. Still, it was interesting just watching her go on because, again, without prompting, she was providing all these details. Do not trust this girl with national secrets, he humored himself with his thought, a smile tugging on his lips at his own silent joke. "So, you think I'm handsome? Or is that just the newspaper? That'd certainly be one way to go, I bet you'd have a fun time explaining to my family how you caused my untimely death." Imagine her rambling as she explained the newspaper headline, amusing. "Thank you, I suppose?" Had his nose been doing that? Matt had to keep himself from reaching up to pat his nose. He shrugged, it seemed like a fair reaction to hot tea on his skin. "Well, if my face says otherwise. What's the verdict then, asshole or not?"

Matt nodded a yes in response, "it was meant to be a joke, I think. I guess I just didn't expect you to carry a shirt, of all things, in that bag." To her assumption, he had to laugh. The brown laptop bag slung over his shoulder had gone unnoticed. He couldn't blame her, it was the least of their worries at the moment. "Fair observation. Still, don't think most people carry clothes around their bags. Unless it's gym bags." With his growing amusement, his annoyance diminished slightly. Part of him was curious, is this how she went through life? Rambling her way through trouble? It couldn't work every time, could it? Matt chuckled in response, "Tuesdays. What an odd day for such a task." He was not expecting the request. Here he thought they'd just meet back up here, exchange the shirt, and call it a day. "A serial killer would promise they are completely trustworthy, you know. Jax, I'm Matthew. Well, Matt. Also not a local, funnily enough. Sure, let's exchange numbers. I'll have this," Mat waved the blue shirt in the air, "washed and ready to give back to you fairly soon." He raised his hands in surrender, though a brow raised in some surprise. "I promise I was not going to make a comment on it, but I could see the sense of humor now. Blonde and blue eyed tough guy, hm. Good on you, this suits you more," he pointed out in some attempt to keep up with her. With that, he handed her his phone with the new contact section opened. He had already typed the name, tea girl.

[godamnarmsrace]

I wish you would write a fic where... Aaron is the one figuring out that Rebecca has ben lying (about how much is up to you)

I hope this is what you were thinking…

Whatever Made YouWhat You Are – I Blame You

Her evil words had twisted insideAaron all the way back to the Mill, and the wound of Robert’s betrayal wasreopened, fresh and bleeding.

Aaron knew she was wrong aboutthem. Knew that the only person Robert had ever been true with was him. Yet,still her words picked him apart, slipping under his skin. They pulled onthreads of doubt, that had been woven back when he was the one sneaking aroundwith someone else’s husband.

Fate, karma, or just dumb luck,whatever had brought him here, wouldn’t be changed. Robert had got Aaronthrough some of the darkest times of his life and every step taken had beensupported and surrounded with love.

And still her words itched andtingled.

He tried to shake them off witheach step closer to home and each step away from the horror that was herpresence.

He knew one thing without adoubt. Rebecca was a liar. She might not realise it, but she was definitelylying to Aaron and if she wasn’t aware, then she was lying to herself as well.

Because she could swear it tillshe ran out of sound to utter the words, but she wanted Robert and she wantedAaron out of the way. Of this he had no doubt.

Resolve strengthened his will,one thing in this mess was clearer than it ever had been. Robert Sugden lovedhim and Aaron would not question it again.

Every step, a tattoo of factsthat swirled inside his head – Robert saying he didn’t remember what happened,Robert passing out, Rebecca being so sure that her baby was Robert’s even whenshe’d been letting Ross chase and catch her all around the village.

He needed more fact and lessfiction, the only problem was he wasn’t going to get it from her and he fearedthat Robert didn’t actually know.

Slamming into the Mill, Aaronfound Robert sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up at thefury of sound Aaron made with his arrival.

“Aaron!” he said coming to hisfeet.

Aaron held up his hand to silenceRobert and watched as all hope drained from his face.

“Nothing’s changed Robert, I justwant to ask you some questions about that night,” Aaron pressed.

“Aaron, no…I can’t…I don’t wantto. We’ve already been over this. What difference does any of it make now? Icheated. I fucked up. I hurt you, hurt us. I can’t fix it or go back and undoit,” Robert argued, sitting back down on the couch.

“Did you?” Aaron asked not sosure anymore, little things that both Robert and Rebecca had both said chippingaway at what Aaron thought he knew. “Are you sure?”

“Aaron? What?” Robert dragged ahand down his face, he looked up at Aaron and said, “You know I did. Ithappened. I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry.”

“Did you though? Do you actuallyremember because you said you passed out? Vic said something about a whole bottleof Whisky. I know you’re good Robert, but even you’re not that good. This isn’twishful thinking on my part, this is a legitimate question. Do you actuallyremember having…?” Aaron swallowed and cleared his throat before continuing,the words sticking in his mouth now. “What’s the last thing you remember beforeyou passed out?”

The look on Robert’s face wouldhaunt Aaron later, he felt it in his chest when Robert opened and shut hismouth a few times.

“I remember talking to her. Iremember convincing her I wanted her and I remember thinking when she acceptedit, how easy it was. How uncomplicated she was. I remember kissing her andfeeling like I was dying because she wasn’t complicated and because she wasn’tyou. I remember taking our clothes off and then I remember waking up alone, butit happened Aaron. Just because I was too drunk to remember it doesn’t meananything,” Robert’s voice broke and something shifted inside of Aaron’s chest,a piece of anger moving to make space for the pity and horror that warred toreplace it.

“Robert, either she’s lying andnothing happened or you passed out and she fucked you without you beingconscious for it. Either way, you need to know. I need to know,” Aaron argued.

“What if I don’t want to know?”Robert asked, his voice low and broken.

“Fuck! Robert, I’m sorry. You’reright it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to know we don’t need to know. Butthis isn’t black and white anymore, you get that right? This baby, if there iseven a baby, it might not be yours Robert,” Aarons said, just realising whathe’d suggested to Robert.

Robert wrapped his arms aroundhimself and rocked gently, “She told me it was mine. That we didn’t useprotection. I went and got tested after Aaron. I didn’t want to risk you.”

Aaron crossed to where hishusband was coming apart in front of him and curled his body around Robert’s.He shuddered in Aaron’s arms, clinging.

Aaron hated that he’d done thisto Robert bought up something that might have been better buried. His ownexperience ate at him. Would he rather have slept through the act of his fatherviolating him never to know any better? His shudders added to Robert’s, just atthought of it. It some ways it might be worse, the never knowing. Alwayswondering if you were going mad to be thinking it.  God, he hoped Robert had just passed out andshe left but now the theory was out there, Aaron didn’t know how to get the catback in the bag, so to speak. He didn’t know how they could ever know whatreally happened.

She wasn’t just going to come outand tell them, was she?

Was this punishment then? Did shewant to hurt Robert or was this about getting Aaron out of the way? Was shetrying to clear a path to his husband? Strip him of his family? Of Aaron? Didshe think that would work?

She didn’t know Robert very wellif she did. Nor him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said pressingkisses on Robert’s face. “I’m here. I’m sorry.”

“She…why would she lie? No, I didit. I made her,” Robert said his face pressed tight in against Aaron’s neck.

“Oh, Robert. I don’t think youdid,” Aaron whispered, unsure whether he should let it go or not, hating thatRobert might be punishing himself for something that was maybe done to him.

“I wanted it. I wanted to hurtyou. I would have…I would have…” Robert’s breath hitched and caught, then therewas nothing and Aaron knew how that felt. How bereft it was to be strugglingagainst nothing but yourself and your fears. A panic attack.

“Breathe Robert, just breathe.I’ve got you. I’m not letting go no matter what, okay? I got you,” Aaron knewhis words were so inadequate.

Deep billowing gusts of airpunched themselves out of Robert’s chest and Aaron felt each one as if he wasdragging them out one by one.

Robert pushed at Aaron, forcinghim back and away, he got up off the couch and started pacing back and forthacross the living room, broken bursts of air still fighting their way out ofRobert with each step he took.

“Why? If she’s lying, why?Because of last time?” Robert seemed to be asking himself rather than Aaron. Itwas like he forgot Aaron was even there.

“What happened last time? Did yousee a scan? Or a test? Anything?” Aaron asked starting to get a sick feeling ofretrograde déjà vu.

“What?” Robert asked, stopping tolook at Aaron.

“Last time did you have any proofof the baby or the abortion for that matter?” Aaron repeated.

“I…no she told me and I freaked,it was going to wreck everything. I told her to get rid of it. Told her a linethat it wasn’t the right time for us,” Robert laughs, a hollow sound, thatshatters like glass at the end. “Aren’t you proud of the man you married?”

“Robert, I beat the crap out ofPaddy because I couldn’t stand to hear him mention the word gay near me. Weboth have skeletons and some we even share. I don’t need to know everythingabout back then because that isn’t my husband. My husband, is the kind of manwho looks after two kids who aren’t his while his husband is prison, he’s thekind of guy who can’t sleep in our bed without me, and who holds me whennightmares threaten to tear me apart, that’s my husband.” Aaron held his handout to Robert.

Robert looked at Aaron’soutstretched hand for a moment before place his own in it. Aaron gave him alittle tug pulling Robert back into his orbit again, feeling more groundedstraight away.

“I have no way of provinganything, Robert, but I think she might have been lying back then, to force youto choose her. I can’t help but think she might be trying to do the same thinghere. I think she was expecting you not to tell me, for me to find out on myown, to make you leave me. But she underestimated us, Robert. If death, bulletsand my mum couldn’t separate us, make us stop loving one another, she never hada chance. It will always be you for me, Robert. Always,” Aaron said strokinghis finger over Robert’s wedding ring. “My heart might be battered and bruisedbut it beats strong for you.”

Robert shook his head and hisforehead wrinkled in a frown. “I’m never going to deserve you, Aaron.”

“God you’re an idiot! I fuckinglove you, there is no ‘deserve’, just what we need. And I need you Robert JacobSugden. I need you Mr Dingle,” Aaron vowed pressing their lips together.

“And what are we going to doabout Rebecca?” Robert asked, breaking their kiss, nuzzling into the side ofAaron’s face, their hands still entangled.

“What we should have done in thefirst place, we ask for a DNA test and watch to see if she unravels,” Aaronsupplied, hoping it would be enough to see her fall apart.

“And if it’s mine? If you’rewrong?” Robert couldn’t help but pick.

“The we need to decide what wewant to do as a family,” Aaron said, tilting Robert’s face towards him and fittinghis mouth over Robert’s again.

There was so much being said withtheir lips even though no words were passed, promises and forgiveness, asecond, third and fourth chance, and comfort and reassurance that this, themtogether was real and now.

Panting Robert pressed each wordinto Aaron’s lips, “Can we go up to bed? I want to hold you… I want you to holdme.”

Aaron felt another layer peel offhis husband, this softer side, he revelled in it, it was more than he’d everhoped for and all that he could need. It wasn’t something he ever thought toget from cocky Robert Sugden, but his husband had scars that needed tending too.It was about time they started, because Robert couldn’t always be the strongone and Aaron loved his husband, he wanted him happy and healthy and arounduntil he was at least eighty and even then, Aaron wasn’t sure it would beenough time. He wasn’t sure they’d ever get enough and that was where Rebeccahad gone wrong.

Because Aaron would never give upon Robert and he would always see the good that no one else did because Robertlet him inside, he let him see.

[jbreenr]

I didn't want to post my NWH spoilers just yet but I need to let it out so…

⚠ Spider-Man: No Way Home spoilers under the cut ⚠

Michelle didn't convince me in the first two movies as a character and love interest, but I really liked how supportive and great she was with Peter and how she put up with all that crap for him.

Now, and I apologize beforehand… MATTHEW FUCKING MURDOCK IS BAAAACK, BITCHES!!!!! THOSE CHARLIE COX LEAKS WERE REAL AND I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY BECAUSE MY BOY IS FINALLY GETTING WHAT HE DESERVES.

Istg I screamed when he caught that brick? stone? idk, and everyone was like “how did you do that?” and he goes “Well, I'm a good lawyer.” It was only a few minutes of him onscreen but those minutes were worth the cost of the ticket.

Right now I didn't care if the Spiderverse actually happened. I was more than good with Matty on the picture.

Back to the movie, i did feel bad for Michelle and Ned not getting into the MIT because of recent controversies. Y'all are the reason people say Thanos was right!!!

Strange accepting helping Peter was such a great gesture of comradeship, in the absence of another word.

And even though I understand why Peter kept interrupting him while performing the spell, I couldn't help but to be frustrated. Like, ugh, Pete, shut up and let the wizard do the favor you asked for!

Okay so, the spell didn't go as planned, Peter's trying to convince this lady to give Ned And Michelle a second chance to get in and BAM! we have Otto and the whole spot from the trailer.

+ Peter saving this woman who, in gratitude, will convince the MIT to consider his friends AND him.

I had no idea how Otto got the Stark tech, and now we know he took the nano from Peter's suit, which didn't work well for him in the end but whatever.

Then we have that quick glimpse of the Green Goblin before Stephen brings Peter back and tells him he captured the Lizard, that everyone from other universes that knew Peter was Spider-Man was coming and that he'd have to capture all of them to send them back.

Something I don't understand is why are they all so angry at Peter? As far as I remember from the previous movies, they redeemed themselves.

Maybe Max didn't, but Connors, Doc Ock, Sandman…

Which is brought up again when Flint saves Peter from becoming barbecue thanks to Electro and then he's like yeah, I don't need fixing even though I want to go back to my daughter, I'll be a villain.

Lemme point this out, Stephen separated Peter from his physical form to his Astral form and he was able to go back into his body and keep Stephen from taking the box from him. Was it his Spidey-sense (no, I'm not calling it tingle)? Because it was awesome.

Otto having his silence and mind back is just so good.

And well, Max suggested there is a black Spider-Man somewhere. Miles, I'm looking at you, bud.

Norman. Just ✨ perfect ✨. The way the Goblin analyzed Peter through Norman was brilliant.

And him convincing both Max and Flint and, well, Connors they were Gods and they didn't need fixing.

Now, freaking hell if I knew what was about to happen and still was not ready. I already knew May was going to die, but I had this slight drop of hope when she stood up and walked to Peter saying that she was okay.

She told Peter that with great power comes great responsibility and I'm totally sobbing at this point.

I ugly cried, people. Not as much as I did with Loki or Nat or Tony, but it's fine because we're finally getting a Peter who suffers and has nothing. Which is sad but that's the essence of the character.

And then, Happy watching from the car.): His realization of what was happening broke me.

Okay but Ned is ✨ magical ✨ and he freaking opened portals.

TO NO OTHERS THAT ANDREW AND TOBEY'S PETERS!!!!!

SPIDER-VERSE CONFIRMED. 👏🏻CON👏🏻FIR👏🏻MED👏🏻

FFS I almost end up hoarse. My hands were shaking and sweating and yes, you can call me ridiculous but this is a freaking big event in the History of television.

Then, we have the other two Peters telling… Peter about their losses, about Gwen and how Uncle Ben told them the same thing May did the day(s) he died. It was very emotional.

And they deciding they were going to help the villains.

That joke about Peter, no I mean Peter Parker. Was hilarious. Mostly because in the group of people I went with there is another Brenda and we get that a lot.

Peter (Andrew) saying that he wants to fight an alien. Oh, boy no, you don't want to. Trust me.

And then Peter (Tobey) telling him that he's not the worst Spider-Man, that he's amazing. Man, he is. I love Tom, Tobey is part of my childhood but Andrew's SM has been my favorite till now. Though I believe Tom's is talking over.

I froze when Michelle fell and Peter was about to get her and the Goblin stopped him. I was certain she was gone too.

But then we got Peter (Andrew) saving her and I cried again. His face when he realized that he saved her, that he didn't let Peter's girlfriend die... GOD!!! Too many feelings.

They stop them all, except for Norman and damn if I saw Peter beating him to death.

I gasped really loud when Peter (Tobey) stopped him and then got freaking stabbed. Like what's gOING ON?!? WTF, WHAT'S THIS?

Oc, they heal Norman too and I breath normally again when Peter says he's fine, that he's been stabbed before.

Now, the multiverse is opening again. Whoever that knows Peter's identity is coming through and Strange does his best to stop them.

And Peter makes the most difficult decision ever. A variant of the spell, where everyone forgets about him. Not only that he's Spider-Man, but about his whole existence, as if he'd never existed.

And my heat aches because it works and he couldn't tell Michelle or talk to his best friend or--.

Or Happy, in the cemetery with May. I would have liked it if the gravestone had said “Ben Parker & May Parker” instead, but I guess we'll never know what happen to uncle Ben.

I was lowkey expecting to see Mr. Ditkovich when someone said something about rent in Peter's new place.

Also, did y'all see that new suit!??!??!?!??!? The colors, the spider in the back, the eyes in the mask. Great, beautiful, magnificent. *chef kiss*

And those post-credits. MAAAAAN. Eddie going back to his universe but Venom leaving a little Venom behind!?!! We already knew it was likely to happen but.… YESSSSS!!!

AND MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS TEASER AS THE SECOND POST-CREDIT. MAAAN, STEPHEN ASKING WANDA FOR HELP, ASKING HER WHAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE MULTIVERSE AND FREAKING KAECILIUS AND MORDO AND AMERICA CHÁVEZ.

Dude, I can't wait to watch this movie. It's gonna be crazy.

[peeterparkr]

red; tom's version|one.

chapter one: sad, beautiful tragic. “Long handwritten note deep in your pocket”

pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (tom's not famous here) story summary: you’re reminiscing through your relationship months after the heartbreak and breakup. Wondering if it went wrong from the very start when Tom arrived at New York, and him being a cautionary tale or if the problems came along the way. Perhaps the key to find back your way to him is going back through the nice things before the heartbreak came. Or is it too painful to go all over again?

chapter summary: you haven't seen him since he ditched you, after months of wearing plaid you go out and realize he's back in new york warnings: angsty, I mean it's a breakup, swearing. word count: 7.3k playlist (updated after each chapter, including Red songs+ other for the chapter): Spotify | Apple Music

fic masterlist next chapter

a/n: Hi, I couldn't wait to share it so I said, screw it, I'm posting this. You don't know how excited I am to write this and share it with you. As you know, this is inspired by Red by Taylor Swift and will hurt. So I expect us all to be crumpled up pieces of paper wearing scarves by the end of this. (perennial is still coming, I'm just waiting on a few people who're reading it). SPECIAL THANKS TO @erodasghosts for reading it and hyping me up and helping me figure this all out. I hope you guys all like it as much as I did. The story is set in New York. Please give feedback!

One month after the breakup.

Strong whiskey, on the rocks. That was his drink of choice that night. The night before had been a beer. You knew you could imagine the taste of his lips by only looking at him. You wondered if he’d gone there for a second night for the same reason you had.

When you had seen him across the place the night before, you had tried to decide how to feel. We always think we will react one way or another when we see our official heartbreak walking through. Victorious as he is perfectly dressed, with his hair flowing.

He hadn’t brought her. Which you didn’t know how to feel about.

The day before you had not been alone, Jules, Matty, and Lula were there.

“Shit, the axolotl at 10 o'clock, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Lourdes, Lula, had whispered before sipping her drink, a Long Island Tea. “We are celebrating she’s doing better, can’t fucking believe this,” she hissed at Jules who only lifted her chin slightly to see who she was referring to. “What the fuck is he doing here? Ay, es que, con qué huevos se atreve a venir aquí? Que no mame.” [with what balls did he dare to come here? He shouldn’t fuck with us. ]

You loved hanging out with Lula and listening to her very refined Spanish cursing.

“It’s not him,” Julia said.

You tried looking back to see who they were referring to. “Who is—?”

“Y/N, wait I just noticed the haircut!” Matt pointed out, reaching over, getting your attention back to them and not at whatever they were referring to. “It looks great. It’s like a new you!”

This new you. The one that had been screwed over twice. Men really have the nerve when it comes to breaking hearts. They recklessly go in and let you believe love comes in all shades of colors, passionate red like the roses they send, and tender pinks like your sweet innocence that they end up stealing. But they never tell you it’ll be you all alone in a dark room with shades of grey under a flickering light that barely warms you.

The new you, which was still a bit lost. Your old self was a stranger to you now. You had no idea who this new you was, she was quiet now. Didn’t have a heart because someone had stolen it and broken it and left it behind a dumpster. Still trying to find it. The new you wasn't.. you.

Your friends were glad, however, they finally got you to go out again. After weeks of wearing plaid and watching Fleabag, and even considering watching Greys Anatomy, a low point, you had finally decided to come back to see if there was any sunshine left for you.

It’s important to point out that you had been broken-hearted and almost crazy when the breakup had happened. Very… delusional. You were not proud of the way you’d reacted. Although you wouldn’t have reacted any other way.

The city had been quiet, the red lights seemed to last longer, and the crowds would often swallow you. The city you once loved was now an open book of a relationship that seemed real, should’ve known it was all fiction.

In your dreams they’d be bright, colorful. The village is aglow. Cold days with warm hearts. Like his.

You’d been cold ever since.

“Ah, yeah, the haircut. Got it today. Lula’s idea” The haircut had come as the solution to a problem that would never be solved. As if cutting your hair meant there was something you had the power on. You didn’t.

How stupid was it? You couldn’t control your life.

“It suits her well, doesn’t it?” Lula admitted proudly.

You still had his picture engraved in your heart. You still dreamed he would come back and say it was all a nightmare.

“It’s nice, I’m glad to have you back,” Jules commented. Julia had probably been the most surprised with the news of the breakup, she had almost gone and killed Tom when he had….unimportant. She hadn’t, though, and she had yet to tell you the reason why. Julia had been mysterious since.

“I’m glad to be back,” you confirmed. You’d ordered a beer, and maybe you shouldn’t have. Stella Artois, his one favorite. You pocketed the beer cap. “Though I was not gone.”

Matt watched you, him and Julia had recently started dating. Best friends since kids who just recently confessed their feelings for each other, took them long enough. “How back are you, though?”

“Meaning?” You asked, taking a sip.

Matt shrugged, “I could introduce you to some friends from work, there’s this hot guy—“

“No,” you interrupted him, leaving the bottle down as you had almost choked. “No, no. Not in the dating area yet. Won’t be in a long time. Still healing.”

Lula still had her eyes glued elsewhere. “Healing from a bullet hole, y/n, whatever you’re doing isn’t working, and band aids won’t fix it—Jules it is, I swear to god it’s him.”

“It’s not him,” Julia rolled her eyes.

“Ay, que sí!” [he is]

“Who?” You asked.

Julia took your hands, “you know Lula,” she rolled her eyes. “I love that you ordered a beer.”

“Yeah,” you gulped. “Beer is universal language for men as in: ‘don’t get close to me.’” A lesson someone dear had taught you once.

Matt tilted his head in agreement, “Yeah.”

“Really?” Lula frowned, “should’ve ordered one. Next time I’ll ask for my drink but instead of a glass I’ll ask them to put it in a beer bottle.”

“Wouldn't it be easier to order a beer?” Matt suggested.

“But then I’d break our tradition.”

Matt watched her, “you really are something.”

You chuckled.

“Why is beer seen as not—feminine?” Matt questioned.

Julia shrugged. “It’s beyond me, really. It’s a drink.”

“Like does my drink make me less of a man?” Matt watched his glass, another Long Island Tea. A stupid inside joke you all had.

“No,” you admitted. “But you know how society is. Since it’s sweet, it’s got to be—“

“Oh, no, no, I love you, y/n, but tonight I don’t want you lecturing us on it, no, tonight we are having fun, ok?” Lula reminded you. “We will not talk about femininity or lack of a beer—or whatever your agenda is up to these days, which, hey! Why does y/n get to break the rule?” Lula questioned. “No Long Island Tea?

Julia glared at her, “Because she can do whatever she wants tonight,” she hissed and then turned to you. “But how are you feeling? It’s your first time going out in months, is it as fun?” Julia was the one to try to cheer you up the most.

No, it wasn’t fun.

“I—feel good!” You lied. Although you were not. But you guessed that’s the response they wanted after seeing you laying down on the ground and crying yourself to sleep. Staring at windows and walking down in the rain. They wanted you to feel better.

Your body was covered in scars.Though, they were from adventures.

“Bullshit,” Lula intruded. “You seem sad. Maybe I’ll get some shots,” she announced before going to get some.

“Well,” you chuckled. “My first time going out and you bring me back to the place where it all started?” You answered cynically but then shrugged. “I’m—I…no. I just—It’s weird. I still see him everywhere, and as I’m here it’s like watching a movie of our greatest moments,” you admitted. “Like hey, look over there, it’s Tom and Y/N’s greatest moments,” you stated, Lula got back. “Let’s start memory lane…”and you sighed and continued with the best presenter voice you had. “Here you’ll wonder how the hell did it go so wrong since they were so perfect, what the hell went wrong, when did it turn into some sad stupid love affair. You’ll be asking yourself hey, they seemed in love, over there, they danced! Over there… they sang a song together! See over there? There was a fucking jukebox in which they have memories! Oh they have memories there too! And you’ll ask yourself, he made it seem real, what the hell happened?” You sighed exhaustedly. “What happened? What the fuck happened? How was I so stupid?” You ran your hands through your face.

Your friends only watched you, with pity, sadness. Even Lula had turned her gaze guilty.

You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Lula sighed, “it’s our fault for bringing you here. We’re fucking idiots. Besides he is—Julia I swear to god, he is there.” Lula raised her hand and Julia quickly pulled it down.

Julia bit her lip, “I—hadn’t realized how much Tom there is here.”

“Yeah.”

“He called me—“Matt had started.

“No, no, we can’t talk about him, baby,” Julia reminded him. Matt widened his eyes and nodded.

You blinked, “no, it’s—He called you? Tom?” Why had Tom called Matty? What for?

“Yeah, had a missed call,” Matt explained, ignoring his girlfriend. “I—it was this morning.”

You felt your chest twist. “Yeah, I get a lot of those too.”

Perhaps he wanted to talk to you and thought Matty was dumb enough to give you the phone.

Julia glared at Matt. “We promised not to—“

“No, hey,” you stopped her. “I—sorry, I brought him up.”

“But we shouldn’t talk about him,” Julia insisted. “Tonight is all about having fun,” she stated as she handed everyone their shots.

“No, it’s alright,” you said. “I’m fine talking about it.”

Lula turned her gaze to you. “Shouldn’t you hate him?”

Were you supposed to hate someone who gave you something so beautiful? Just because it’s over doesn’t mean you have to look back and hate it.

“No,” you answered simply.

Matt watched you. “Wait, really?”

You took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m—I decided I’m thankful for everything. He really… I… I mean I knew from the start he was trouble. But he got me to get rid of Will. So I’m thankful for Tom. He showed me some beautiful things about him, about myself and… I’m thankful. Even the part when he broke my heart.”

It was a lie. Partly. You had been so full of doubts that you only tried wondering why it had gone so wrong. Or course, the lie was there. His lies. But how could any of it be a lie?

Julia smiled gently, “You’re really a grown up.”

“Or very stupid.” Lula commented.

“Thanks, Lula, I appreciate it,” you rolled your eyes. “I… well, I’ve gotta admit I was pretty stupid.”

Lula shrugged, “Hey, I don’t blame you, boy came in with an accent, he had a cute smile, he was hot, I must admit, and he wasn’t one of those Brooklyn fuckboys that take you to the rooftop and offer you a whiteclaw to watch the sunrise together,” Lula gave in.

“Oh, and they take candid pictures, and they say that their phone camera isn’t as good as their polaroid,” Julia laughed, “But hey, you’re lucky they took you to the rooftop, they never take anyone there, they took you there just because you’re…”

“Different,” Julia, Lula and you chanted.

Matt laughed, “You guys are the worst.”

“Anyway,” Lula said. “We should drink these,” she pointed at the shot glasses as she raised her own. “I came here to get drunk. So, to Y/N being thankful Tom was a piece of shit even when the boy had a dreamy accent?”

You closed your eyes, and let out a defeated dry chuckle. “Yes, to that.”

“To the piece of shit, then!” Lula grinned as the shots clinked and were downed. You instantly regretted drinking it.

Lula scowled as she had her eyes glued back at the bar, “It’s him, Julia, it’s him! What is he doing here? Pendejo, I swear to god I’ll go kill him.” She was furious, and you tried once again following her gaze.

The bar was crowded, red lights crossed around the place, with girls walking with tall heels, trying to smile and nod at guys who were talking to them but clearly were not of interest to them. Friends laughing, people flirting. You didn’t know who your friends were watching.

But the bar seemed to be enough of a reminder of him. How he had made you feel like crowds were never there, and how whenever you had been with him everything disappeared just to be with him.

“Who are we killing?” You questioned.

“Is new y/n a murderer?” Asked Matt. Matt and Julia were your oldest friends. The three of you grew up in Staten Island, and now moved to the crowded places.

Lula coughed. “Hope she is.” Lula, on the other hand, you’ve met in college, she was a very defined addition to the friend group. With more personality. A strong one. Lula, Julia and you shared a small apartment.

Julia cleared her throat.

“The fucking scarf,” Lula scowled.

“What scarf?” Matt asked. And you had the same question.

Julia whispered to her boyfriend’s ear who had turned cold. He lifted his head.

“But it’s not.”

“It is him,” Matt confirmed to Lula. “Jules, it is.”

And now your three friends were acting strange. Usually they did but this was strang-er. They all shared looks, Julia struggled with her hands.

They were watching you with pity but you’d gotten used to that. After the breakup they had been extra careful around you, kinder, you guessed.

Fools they were to believe that by not mentioning him you wouldn’t think of him. He was a memory that would haunt you for the rest of the days.

“So, y/n,” Julia was clearly hiding whatever Lula was seeing.

“Wasn’t he in London? What in this fucking world is he doing here?” Lula continued.

“Shut up!” Julia ordered.

“London?” You asked and you lifted your head, and any noise that was bustling before had stopped.

Tom.

Tom was there.

Thomas.

Tom who had broken your heart. In every possible way that he could’ve. Like he had planned it. Like he was aware.

He was there, on a stool with a beer in his hand and wearing a red scarf. The red scarf. As if he was mocking you.

Tom.

Did he pride on hurting you?

He had always said you were invincible. That you were unrivaled in matters of the heart. Was he proud he had beaten the unbeaten?

You’d always thought he would.

When we love deeply, getting hurt comes as a given. But when we love deeply, we are never expecting it to come. And when it does come the skies cannot turn grayer. Funny thing, you were a fan of the rain but when the rain doesn’t cease, the hope doesn’t perdure.

But he was back in your life. Or at least he had been in the same room as you after months.

What was he doing back in New York with your scarf?

You turned back to your own table, breathing in quickly, bringing your hand to your chest in an attempt to calm yourself down.

You saw your friends speaking but you couldn’t make a word of what they’re saying. Your heart was rushing. Thomas was there. Tom. Your Tom. And there was a part of you that had completely forgotten over the heartbreak and wanted to run to him.

Kiss him, try to fix it. Try to bring back the beautiful thing you both had. Because it was. And it hurt looking back.

You were having trouble breathing now, the heartbreak had come.

That’s the worst thing about heartbreak. You never saw it coming, though you should’ve. Though it was beautiful you’d known from the start you’d end up hurt. But when a lie is crafted so beautifully, how could you?

“It’s him.” The words had come in whispers.

You barely remembered what had happened next. You had only stood up, decisive to leave, you’d seen him try to walk his way to you. You’d heard him call your name, but you hadn’t turned back, you had seen Matty stop him from running to you.

It was blurry. You didn’t know how you got home. Desperately trying to understand why he was there and how the night had turned too badly.

Lula and Matt had come back later to find Julia trying to comfort you, hugging a pillow that you were sure he had slept on. Breathless.

But it was in the past now, you were there again. Same bar, both in stools far away.

You were almost sure he’d gone to that bar in hopes of finding you again.

Just like you’d gone again.

His eyes the night before were guilty. You only took a deep breath, you remembered trying to avoid his glance at any chance as you had walked out.

Why were you there again?

That feeling in your chest growing, like there was something heavy expanding. Yet your stomach falling smaller. The pain was but a shield, as if it was creating a special protection around your heart, and though it hurt it was enough for it to make your heart strong to leave the place.

You didn’t want to see Tom. You hadn’t talked to him since. Even when he’d tried to call. Even when you’d tried calling.

Not when you had replayed the breakup over and over and over again since he was gone.

Everyone deals with breakups in different ways. Yours, specifically, was avoiding it. Everything and everyone. Especially Tom.

It was hard when he was everywhere. In that tattoo he’d convinced you to get, in that ring he’d left, in that cereal box that you still hadn’t finished. Whenever you listened to a song he’d recommended. Whenever you’d open Netflix and that series you had started watching together was still recommended to you even when you’d deleted it.

Everywhere.

You couldn’t use your favorite colors because you could hear it, in the back of your head “I love how it looks on you.” “You should wear more blue, it suits you.”

Even your stupid laugh remind you of him. “Your laugh is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard, even if it’s so ugly.”

You missed the person you were when he was with you. How everything was happy. Who was that y/n? Who didn’t mind if she was slightly late to a place because he’d come with you? Who didn’t feel alone at parties when she knew nobody because you knew him?

A y/n that existed only for a short period of time when he’d been around and that he’d shattered like glass when he had the chance.

You missed that y/n.

The y/n that would sometimes lose her breath and catch it back when he walked into the room. A y/n that sang along to her favorite songs all day. The one that would give her heart in a rush to him. The one that watched movies no matter if they were good or not.

Life had colors back then.

Now you were full of regrets and of doubts. Wondering what you had done wrong? Where did it lead you?

You looked up at him then. He was staring down at his glass.

There was a slight trace of him still there, the Tom you once loved. The one with the silly smile and the gentle chuckle, the one with the jokes about everything.

You wondered how much of that y/n he saw too.

You were the same two people, in essence. But how different you were now.

The Tom you knew before finding out it was a lie.

There was still a hint. You knew. But there was so much of him in you that it was hard to see if you still were there. Or the Tom you thought you knew. Not the one with the lie. Or maybe this was the truest Tom he could ever be.

He had to move on, rather quickly, you recalled. If he ever did.

There was a stupid reminder of you in his hand, that red scarf from the very first day.

You still remembered how it all started, a stupid red scarf. He kept it, then, and he wore it.

You had ordered a beer, too. You pocketed the cap again.

But there was an image in your mind, maybe he had gone back and probably had his arm around her and he laughed at a joke she made. Maybe she was funnier than you. Definitely prettier, with her hair falling down all the way to her waist, her clothing accentuating everything you didn’t have.

You recalled having to leave the room when you found out. You had been a mess.

Leaning against a wall as you caught your breath before the tears came down, as if he had pierced right through it. A pain chest that had expanded all the way on your body, not sure how you were able to keep walking back to your place. Falling down to your knees when you did.

Pain. Words failed to describe such a deep sentiment.

But it was gone now. Not entirely but at least you could hold your breath fine when he was just across the room.

What went wrong?

You could ask him. He was right there.

Maybe even tell him how you had lost sight. He hadn’t walked up to you. He was nervous, but he seemed calm enough to see you were there. You were still unsure why you had gone there.

Maybe all the good things were enough to bring you there, maybe the fact that you still didn’t believe it was a lie brought you there. Maybe the fact that one of those pictures from that photobooth was still in a locket. So stupid.

He fiddled with the glass.

You waited and waited but he didn’t approach you. He took out a paper out of his pocket as he stared at it.

You wouldn’t approach him. No matter how happy he had made you once, you wouldn’t walk to him. No matter how beautiful it was. No matter if you were lonely and that when you dared to sleep he’d be haunting your dreams.

It was a tragedy now. What you both were, and not even worth enough to try and save it. You knew you were haunting him too. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

He was shakin, as he stared at you, nervous. He downed his drink, you guessed it was for some liquid courage and stood up, with the note in one hand and your red scarf in the other.

Your own courage for coming here was gone, as you saw his intentions, the urge to run you had the night before was becoming you. But he couldn’t walk. He had to sit down again, rubbing his face.

The courage that had come when choosing what Lula called the ‘revenge black dress’ was nowhere in sight. You were cold and regretting putting it on.

“I can’t do this,” you said to yourself and quickly let out some dollars to pay for your drink before picking up your stuff to leave.

You saw he panicked when he saw you leaving, he quickly called the bartender to pay for his drink.

You closed your coat as you were shaking yourself, punishing yourself for going there. Why had you gone there? The man had broken your heart? Were you really there to see him?

Was your heart foolish enough to ignore the warnings in your mind once again?

You walked your way to get to the subway station, how irrelevant you were through the crowds. You hadn’t felt this way for a while, caring for the crowds. But you had to get through them. There was a part of you that wished Tom was following you after. But the crowds didn’t let you see if he was.

Besides, you shouldn’t want that.

You finally managed to get to the station, you clung to your purse as you stared at the tracks, waiting for the next train to come. Peaceful it seemed, the station. As peaceful as New York could be. You guessed if you cried nobody would care.

“y/n!” You heard your name in the distance and you couldn’t handle it.

You took a deep breath and shook your head, angrily. Why had you gone? You could’ve easily kept ignoring his calls. You could’ve stayed in your apartment, crying as you watched SNL videos on youtube, or rewatching a cartoon for the hundredth time, letting your own sadness and self pity swallow you.

But you had gone to him. This was your fault. You should’ve taken a cab, instead, he would know you’d get at this station and he for sure would know what train you’d take.

“y/n, y/n!” He kept calling as he finally arrived next to you. “Sorry I would’ve gotten here faster but the damn MetroCard-”

“I’m not doing this, Tom,” you stated before he could go on rambling like the idiot he was. You couldn’t do it. “Not here, not anywhere. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”

“I…” His face was kind, and he seemed to be nervous. You could tell he hadn’t been sleeping, probably the jet lag.

You took a moment to look at him, he didn’t look as victorious as you had thought he was. His hair was messy, and his cheeks flushed, the buttons on his shirt were not buttoned right.

Seeing him again, with that signature look he had made you want to go down to your knees.

“Aren’t you supposed to be back in London?” You snapped. “With that pretty girl-”

“No, no, I’m-I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Tom stuttered. “I was an idiot.”

You stared into his eyes, you were not ready for this. You were not ready to look into his stupid eyes. You looked away. “That’s all you have to say?” You tried walking away from him..

He shook his head. “No, no, no, no, I… No, I actually… I had this… I wrote down my apology,” Tom confessed. He showed you a sad, handwritten paper, now slightly teared up with the ink running. “I… I had….”

You looked down at it, his messy handwriting, crinkled with words scratched down. “You wrote it down?”

You didn’t know why you felt your heart warm. This kind of stuff was why you couldn’t understand what had happened. Someone like him, who writes his apologies down. Someone who stutters when he’s speaking.

“Yeah, I… but I spilled my drink on it after seeing you fled,” He explained, swallowing hard. “I… I… I had written it down so I wouldn’t forget it but now I realize how stupid that is… I’m… I’m really sorry, y/n.” .

You could hear the train coming. You were seeing him again. It hit you right there. And this was not the reaction you thought. You had said you would be delusional, crying and fighting and questioning him why the fuck he had done that.

Yet you weren’t. You were only watching him, eyes full of tears wanting to slide down but unable to. But there was that pain still in your chest.

How could he ever dare to hurt you that way? “I don’t want to talk to you,” you said. And meant it. “Please leave me alone.” You said before walking into the train.

“Y/N, please, no, please, please, listen to me,” He followed you in, the scarf still in his hand.

You tried sitting as far away as you could. Arms and legs crossed as you tried breathing in.

He sat beside you and you changed seats. He sighed but followed you again. “Please, I need to talk to you. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well you did,” you snapped. “You did, and now you come here a month later with a handwritten note apology thinking I will be fine with it?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had to solve-Please, would you listen?” Tom asked, knowing damn well he had to ask, and not just straight up blurt it out.

“Why would I, Tom?” You turned to him, with a tear traveling down your cheek. You were incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? I… You… You think that just because you show up with that stupid face of yours and my scarf I’ll want to listen to you? You’re an idiot.”

He sighed and reached to give you the scarf. You ignored it.You were furious now.

The other people on the train were certainly getting a show. A guy with a backpack was trying to pretend he wasn’t listening but his reactions were giving it away. Another woman pretended to keep reading her book but she hadn’t turned any pages.

Tom took the scarf back staring at it. “I need to explain everything to you.”

“What if I don’t want an explanation?” You snapped. Though you did. You had been waiting for one, you wanted one. You would beg for it. But your pride was taking the wheel of the conversation. “Don’t you think it’s fucking late for it?”

“Is it?” Tom turned back to you.

“Yes!” You couldn’t believe him. But this seemed a bit too familiar of a conversation. “And beside no explanation would make me forgive you!” You stated, whispering, not wanting any of the attention you were receiving.

“I’m not… I… If you just listen to me,” Tom said.

You glared, “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Then why did you come to the bar?” He asked.

He fucking asked.

Your eyes widened. He had gone there. He knew. He fucking knew you’d gone back because you wanted an explanation. Or so he thought. No, you’d gone back because… Yes, because you wanted an explanation. Because everything he’d done had been beautiful. Until the heartbreak. He had crafted and vexed his way into your cold stupid heart and then he had gone and pierced right through it, crushed it.

You wanted to ask why. Why did he do it so vehemently?

You didn’t answer, instead you moved one seat away. He kept his eyes on you.

“You wouldn’t have gone if you didn’t want an explanation,” he said. “Or to see me, at least. I know I did, I needed to see you.”

You saw the guy with the backpack purse his lips, knowing that Tom had got you. There was little context for them. The girl with the book directed a glance to you, trying to read your emotions.

If they knew, they’d be on your side and yelling at him as well.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face.

“I didn’t, it was a coincidence,” you answered coldly.

“No, it bloody wasn’t,” Tom scoffed and then sat up. “No, I’m… No, but you know, you went to the bar for a reason.”

“And I left for a million more,” you frowned.

Tom pursed his lips and took out the paper again, trying to make out whatever he’d written before. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes traced through the note.

“Are you genuinely trying to read it? Don’t you know what you’re supposed to apologize for?”

Tom looked up, “So you do want me to apologize?”

The guy with the backpack squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Tom had fucked up.

“You’re kidding, right? Yes, you have to apologize, what you did is really, really shitty!” You pointed out.

“But you won’t forgive me, then?” Tom watched you.

“I don’t know,” you said and he looked up, a beaming gaze. “No, I won’t.”

He wrinkled his eyes, “I… I know I’m supposed to apologize, not to expect you to forgive. I'm just…”

He gulped, and then sat back, staring at the dirty walls and lights. He had dressed up. Badly, but he had tried looking good, you could tell. You could smell his lotion, too.

He was fiddling with the paper, crumpling up and then it fell to the floor. You looked at it and somehow related to it, not sure how.

You took a deep breath so you wouldn’t kill him and turned to him. “I have questions for you, if you answer them I might consider listening to you.”

Tom’s eyes brightened up. “Yes, yes, anything.”

You eyed him up and down as he watched you with begging eyes. You avoided his gaze. Tom followed your gaze as you tried to figure out what was the first thing you could ask him. Why had he hurt you?

Why did he not stop and think before making you fall in love with him?

Why did he not stop and tell you the truth?

“Where are you staying?” You asked,

Tom blinked. “Is that… is that the question?”

“No, but I know you don’t know how to fucking get anywhere,” you said.

Tom gulped, “I… uh, again with Harrison,” he explained.

You sighed. You remembered Harrison alright. And though there was a petty part inside you, you would help him out. Knowing he’d always get lost in the city. Though you could let him get lost, so you’d have to go after him and spend a bit more time. With an excuse, because you didn’t seem to have any excuse to be with him.

It hurt. What hurt the most was trying not to look back at the incredible moments you had because none of them were true.

You sighed. “Okay, when we get down you’ll take the F train—“

Tom stopped you, taking your hand. “No, wait, I don’t care if I get lost, okay, I… I just.”

You snatched your hand away from his cold hands he had. You darkened your gaze at him.

“Please, Y/n, I just need a chance. If you don’t want to listen… maybe I’ll just…” He handed you the note.

You crossed your arms, and tapped your foot, trying to decide whether or not to give it to him. “Fine,” you took the note.

You've gotten to your stop. So you stood up.

The girl with the book and the guy with the backpack watched you both as you walked out, pitying they couldn’t follow the drama.

Tom followed after you, he licked his lips. “You… you had questions, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, taking yet another heavy breath. You turned on your feet to look at him “One, did you lie to me?”

Tom was taken back by this, his eyes, consternated, only watched you. He gulped. “What?”

“Did you lie to me?

“I… well.”

You were getting desperate. “Did you ?”

“I didn’t lie about how I felt,” he said. You knew he wasn’t lying about it. He couldn’t. He couldn’t have ever lied about how he felt because you knew he had felt it too, a bit, at least,

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“I mean it, I…” Tom gulped. “I really liked you.”

“Yeah, I know, you liked me yadda, yadda,” you started. Liked not loved. “Cut the bullshit for once, did you or did you not lie to me?”

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes. But I had feelings for you.”

You bit your inner cheeks. “Uh-huh, yes, okay, good, yes, you acknowledge it. So, we have two statements here, Tom. You say you had feelings yet you lied to me,” you squinted. “Sounds-”

Tom gulped and avoided your gaze. “I know yes,” he looked down. “But, if you give me-”

“Ah, buh-buh, nope, I’m just gathering my thoughts here,” you coughed. “I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me what you felt.”

Tom shook his head in confusion. “I—I’m”

“Go on,” you motioned your hand.

“Y/N,” he said. And the way he dared to say your name was like having a knife right through you. “I had—I have feelings for you,” he said looking right into your eyes.

He didn’t say what feelings.

You were not sure where you wanted to go with this. “Fine, my next question…” you really didn’t know where this was going. “So, alright, you…” You couldn’t even phrase it. “You… made me fall in love with you knowing….Well, we both know what you did. What you hid from me. You’re a liar who made me—“

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes, but I didn’t… plan that.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, so it’s my fault?” You stepped back. “Sorry for developing feelings for you. Sorry for ruining your life—“

Tom closed his eyes, “No, no, look, I… wasn’t. I didn’t come here expecting to meet you, I didn’t want… It just happened, okay, I never thought—You're making it sound like it’s some big master plan. I—I never planned—I never would’ve ever planned on hurting you.”

You watched him, incredulous. “Thomas you do realize what you did to me?”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t! You’re trying to make me seem like I’m crazy for not even wanting to talk to you!” You called him out.

“I’m not, I’m just saying that if you’re here—you must miss it too, you know it was too real, and you want it back, possibly—M-maybe not, but if you came to the bar tonight it was in hopes of finding me again because you knew I’d be there, and you want to feel how you felt before, and i just… you know I miss it and that you knew I didn’t lie—“

You glared at him. “You did lie!”

“Okay—yes, yes I did—But not entirely, I just happened to omit one truth—“

“One very important truth,” you snarked.

“Fine but—please listen,” he tried to convince you. “and I’m sorry, okay? I—I didn’t want to hurt you. But I never planned this. It just happened. I didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with anyone, I didn’t come here trying to date, and I never expected it to be someone as complex—“

“Complex?”

“Yes, I never came to New York trying to find the most mental relationship I’ve ever had—“

“Mental?” You snapped.

“Yes! I love you but you’re fucking crazy! And I am too! I’m fucking crazy and mental but I—I—I loved being crazy and mental with you! We are fucking mental! Driving to nowhere? Breaking into places? Getting a jukebox on the subway? That’s mental! But—but I love that about you, alright? Don’t you get it? I could’ve stayed in London, I could've been the asshole who just ditched you and lied to you—“

You scoffed. “Well that’s comforting!”

“But I’m—I’m here, ain’t I? And I know I fucked up, I know, I accept that, I’m the asshole here, and I know you’ll never—I hid it from you because I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t even get it myself. I’m here to give you my version of it. I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you…I am…,I am in love with you, and I never planned that, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone else, it just happened. I may have thought it was just—Some fling, initially.”

You laughed cynically. “A fling.”

He gulped. “And the moment I realized what was really going on—”

“You left, that’s what you fucking did, when you realized it was way too real for you, you destroyed the one real thing you’ve ever known,” you barked, he stepped back. “I fell in love with you, I—I—and then you ditched me, and I thought that was the worst thing you could ever do to me but then I realized that it wasn’t real! I—you were never mine, Tom! I simply was—a break you needed or—a fling.”

“It wasn’t that—“

You watched him. Looking so innocent, kind eyes and tender lips. You would’ve believed him had he come before.

“You used me!” You snapped, the words that had wanted to come for a while just blurted out. “I just can’t believe you,” you said. “You don’t feel sorry.” You shook your head, your voice was cracking. “You're not sorry because you don’t understand. You don’t know what I went through, and if you had come earlier, if you hadn’t left me, I probably would have believed you. But—No! No!” You stepped back. “No!”

“I did call! You never picked up the phone! I tried—“Tom started.

“Was I really expected to pick it up? Let’s get back to it. Shall we? The facts. Did you or did you not date me? And made me fall in love with you?”

Tom sighed. “I—yes.”

“Did you lie?”

“…yes.”

You nodded. “Was I the other one?”

Tom squinted his eyes. “No… yes, no.”

You took a deep breath. “Did you leave me without an explanation?”

Tom looked down. “I did.”

“Did you ditch me?”

Tom looked everywhere and nowhere. “Yes,” he answered, defeated.

“Now, do you think I can ever forgive you?”

Tom didn’t answer.

You reached for your purse, for the locket that dug deep inside. “I don’t know you,” you stated giving him the locket, the stupid locket you’d bought as a joke when making fun of other couples and now laughed in your face. “Whatever happened means nothing. Because that’s the thing Tom. Everything we lived was a lie, those two people in the locket are not us, because you weren’t who you said you were, no matter how much I loved it, it’s not true and though it was too many emotions all at once I’m—It’s not real, not for you. I spent this whole time thinking I wanted you to apologize but I don’t want it. That charming guy wasn’t truly you because you omitted one very important thing. You—What were you thinking? Were you planning to never say it? Or did you plan it like that? Just ditching me, hoping I wouldn’t find out—“

Tom took a deep breath. “No—No, I didn’t. I just—-I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you and I should’ve fixed it before—-“

“No, no you didn’t because it wasn’t enough for you.”

Tom gulped, “It was, it was—-the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“And you ruined it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“How little words mean when you’re a little too late, huh?” And that was the cue you needed to walk away. He silently watched you as you tried not to cry.

“I’m really sorry.” He said.

Was he?

“What if I try to prove it to you?” He asked as you were steps away from him.

You didn’t stop.

“If we go over this, you’ll see I never lied about it.” He continued.

“I already went over it, I remember everything, Tom, and maybe that’s why I don't want to talk to you.”

Tom walked behind, slowly. “I just happened to be very unlucky when it came to my own circumstances,” he reached over. “And I wish the timing had been better. But you’re right, it’s the one real thing I’ve ever had and I lost it because I hid something in fear of losing you. I lied because it was too good to be true. And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me but I think you deserve to know why. But you went to the bar for a reason, and you had the locket for another.”

You stopped this time. Looking down at the floor and then at his hand, holding your stupid scarf. You shook your head, you really didn’t want to go through it all over again.

“I know you won’t forgive me,” he stated. “But I can’t let you go. You’re everywhere. And I miss the person I was when you were around, and I won’t stop fighting because you’re everywhere. Dreams, nightmares.”

Funny. You were his demons too.

“Am I haunting your nightmares?” You asked. Tom only watched you.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just need—I really need you to listen to my version.”

“Fine then, let’s go down this sad, beautiful tragic love affair.”

-

next chapter

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[dualnaturedscientist]

This caused everyone to stop. Turning their heads towards Carl with stunned expressions on their face. The former scientists chest rose and fell heavily, the fury in his eyes towards the demon showed just how he felt. Corbins expression soon turned into one of amusement much to Carl's chargin. "Oooh, I like this one. You seemed to have found a real keeper, Matty. Look at that enraged expression of his. If looks could kill, I'd be dead on the spot tenfold!" Matthew frowned, he hated seeing his beloved in such a state. Gene stared at the three with widened eyes, still processing all of the information Corbin had just dumped onto him. Something Matthew nor Carl wanted. A thought came to the mad scientist's mind. Something that unsettled him greatly. "How did you know? Dad? Pops? Did you tell him about me?" He looked at them with panic in his eyes. He felt as if this stranger had him trapped. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.Before either of the men could protest, the demon butted in. More than happy to provide an explanation for him. "I may be trapped within this body of mine, true that I can't access most of my powers and abilities. I still have eyes and ears everywhere, dearest Gene." He hated the way Corbin said his name, with such smugness. "I know all about you. Heard all about you. My, my weren't you busy? Even before you took that long and boring hiatus of yours. I know things certainly picked up with the mouse brain. But it wasn't the mouse that caused quite the stir a few years back, was it?" Gene didn't like the implications of what he said. He hated that he knew exactly what Corbin was referring to. "Corbin! Enough! I made a deal to help you break the curse. For you to help with my grandchildren. Not to torment them!" It was lucky that Matthew intervened before Carl had gotten more furious with the demon. Knowing his lover would attempt to fight Corbin with little self preservation. "Well, aren't you the life of the party? Very well. For you, Matty. Don't say I never did anything for you." That smug grin rubbed all three the wrong way. Though they way his eyes glinted. It sent a shiver down Matthew's spine. "Gene, why don't you go back home? I believe we're done with this meeting anyway." Corbin pouted in an insincere way. "Ending the fun so soon? Fine, fine. You know how to contact me. Though if I wish to find you, I will." His grin became quite malevolent. Just how much was this guy going to unsettle them? With that said, Corbin turned and walked off. They didn't know if it was their minds playing tricks and Corbin managed to spook them just that much or if they were really seeing barely visible dark shadows following after the demon. They sighed in relief once he was out of view. "Matthew is right, we should get home now. All of us. We don't want Becky or your spouses getting worried." Matthew nodded. Though he couldn't help but to look over his shoulder. As if he were expecting Corbin to pop back up. The feeling of being watched didn't ease up. Hopefully once they were back in their homes, that feeling would go away. “Alright, I'll walk you guys back home. Not that I don't think pops can't protect you. It'll just give me peace of mind knowing that you two were back home safe.” Honesty Matthew didn't think that his son meant it that way. It made him feel better if anything, giving them some time to ease his thoughts. The stupid thoughts that Corbin possibly put in his head. “I'm alright with that.” The three men began to walk out of the park, it became silent. Way too silent for Gene's liking if he was going to be honest. Thankfully Matthew spoke up first. “About what Corbin said about you. Don't listen to him. He's supposed to plant doubt in your head. Don't let him mess with your mind. We know better.” Gene gave him a small smile. “Thanks, pops.” Though the mad scientist still felt doubt about that. They hadn't noticed that Carl had a dark expression. Still rather riled up about Corbin messing with their youngest like that. Sigils dimly lit upon his palms. Though they faded as Matthew took Carl's hand into his.

Heart of chaos

A year had passed since the B.E.A.W Labs organization had fallen. Since all the events had taken place. Becky being taken along with Bob. The poor girl being experimented on by a cruel scientist who had no love for anyone but himself. Matthew had broken out of the facility with her, Carl and Steven. Gene's true identity being revealed along with losing his Dr.Two-Brains persona. Shocking revelations unfolded. Betrayals and redemption. Things had calmed down significantly since but that didn't mean life had been dull. It certainly wasn't for Fair City. Especially with the villains, heroes and its eccentric inhabitants livening up the city. Becky had been making a wonderful recovery. Though she still wasn't at her full recovery Becky was still making so much more progress than the year prior. Gene still had identity issues, dealing with the loss of Squeaky. Though he didn't go through it alone. The still mad scientist had his family and friends help him through everything. Matthew and Carl took up residency within the city. A house that wasn't too far from their sons. Life in this place was definitely lively and peaceful in comparison to the hellish place many innocent souls were imprisoned in. Matthew was less exhausted than before. Relaxing within the living room in his son's house, watching whatever was put on the television. Matthew felt his eyes beginning to droop. Sleepiness hitting him out of nowhere. He simply allowed himself to doze off, not fighting it. Knowing that he was safe there. It wasn't until he felt weight on him that Matthew opened his eyes. Usually a dog or cat would be the cause for this but Matthew met many eyes. Fluffy had snuck into the house yet again. A small warm smile spread across his facial features, patting the spider on its head. Fluffy leaned into Matthew's hand, making soft happy noises. It was funnily cute to him. Though he understood as to why Gene was so afraid of him. Even Carl was squeamish around the giant spider. “Aw, who's a good boy? You are! You're a good boy!” Matthew couldn't help but baby talk the arachnid. He looked up, wriggling his chelicerae in response. As to say ‘Me! I'm a good boy!’ He chuckled at that, giving Fluffy gentle scritches. It was like a huge puppy in a spider's body. Though the peacefulness was interrupted by a sudden shout. “NO! WHY IS IT HERE AGAIN?!” Gene was in the doorway of the living room. Looking quite terrified at the huge arachnid. Fluffy instantly moved around on Matthew's lap to look at Gene. Excitedly jumping off of the supervillain's lap in favor of his son. He bolted right for the mad scientist, causing him to yelp loudly and make a run for it. “SOMEONE KEEP THAT ABOMINATION AWAY FROM ME!” Matthew gave a small laugh. “Can't help but feel abit rejected there.” Archie, who was quiet until then, responded. “I know that feeling.” This caused Matthew to jump up startled. “Don't do that! I'm old. Also I could accidentally blast you.” Archie blinked in confusion. “You didn't notice me? I came in with Fluffy. He got loose and snuck into the house. I just came to bring him back before he got to Gene. Too late for that now.” Archie frowned. “I can't help but be jealous at how much Fluffy loves him. Though Gene is terrified of him. That spider just won't listen to me when it comes to his favorite person.” He shook his head disapprovingly. “You want me to help you?” Matthew was being genuine with his question. He didn't want his son dying of fright from the giant arachnid. “That would be greatly appreciated. I have to take him back home. He can't avoid taking his medication this time.” Matthew got up, stretching first before doing anything else. This earned him a strange look from Archie. “What? I said I'm old. If I don't stretch I'll pull a muscle.” The hero shrugged. “Let's go get him soon. I have to look after Charlotte as well.” Archie always had the brightest smile when Charlotte was brought up. Either by him, Sunshine or anyone else. It was sweet. “Alright, alright.” They were completely unaware of an enemy observing them. Waiting.

Miss Power growled in frustration at the display she was witnessing through a window to the Boxleitner or rather the Woods household. A display she thought was very disgusting. How badly the alien conqueror wanted to charge right in their and obliterate everyone in her sights. She couldn't do her usual tactics and tricks right now, not after what she learned after coming back. She was still ticked off after that little alien brat Wordgirl and her parents dupe and tricked her into leaving the planet in defeat. There was no way she could go back to her planet and face her people with such a shameful stain to her otherwise brilliant record. Fueled by revenge and hatred, Miss Power spent her time preparing, training, and waiting so she could exact her revenge against those who wronged her, against the little hybrid girl and her freak of a family that humiliated her. Sadly when Miss Power and her loyal sidekick Colonel Gigglecheeks did decide to return, they were not prepared for the recent changes that had happeend in their absence. Miss Power did not care much for this Darius person or B.E.A.W labs, she had seen those like them a dime a dozen before on other worlds. The alien wished she could have congratulated the person who tortured and dehumanized Wordgirl and her sidekick. If it was up to her, Professor Ross Moran would receive high honors among her people for his actions. She did give her condolences at his unmarked gravestone. While the recent trauma Wordgirl and her sidekick have suffered gave Miss Power an opportunistic advantage, the alien conquerer unfortunately could not risk using it especially with her grandfather around. Miss Power was amazed at hearing about the past and recent exploits of Maddrix the Malicious. She was shocked that someone so bloodthirsty and powerful was the father of that scientist who used to have a mouse brain attached to his skull as well as a weird cheese obsession. To her disappointment, Miss Power could clearly see the man was too human and had regretted his actions in the past. Actions that would have made him highly respected among her people despite him being human. Still Miss Power wasn't going to risk striking back while that old coot was still alive. Age did not always equate to weakness according to what she had been taught. Even though he was old, Maddrix was clearly still powerful. It was likely that her and Gigglecheeks would wind up dead by the man's hands before they could claim revenge and victory. A chittering sound snapped Miss Power out of her musings. She turned her head to see her sidekick give her a concerned look. He chittered again and asked 'So what are we going to do?' Miss Power smiled and scratched her sidekick's head which he enjoyed. "Don't worry Colonel Gigglecheeks. We'll get our revenge soon. We just need to learn more about Mr. Malicious and what weaknesses he might have so we can use it to defeat him." Miss Power cooed. She then took her sidekick and flew off without anyone being the wiser. Miss Power was brash and bold and could be tricked sometimes, but she was no fool. The alien conqueror learned long ago that the best way to win your battles was to be prepared and know your enemy more than they know themselves. Carl sighed with relief and slight exhaustion as he sat down in a comfy chair. He had just finished sweeping the floor of his and Matthew's home. Now all he had to do was sit and relax until his husband got home. Carl wanted to try a nice 'mom and pop' owned restaurant that one of Gene's friends, Chuck, had recommended to the man. Carl had been itching to get out and do something more and more recently. If he had to be honest, he was getting bored. In the past, Carl had his job and work as a scientist to keep him occupied along with spending time with his husband and kids. Unfortunately after his 20 year imprisonment, Carl couldn't step in another official science lab ever again without a severe anxiety and panic attack @dualnaturedscientist

[cozyforjate]

MacGyver 4x12

Ok, i can write pages and pages about this episode but don't worry, i won't. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. but short is a relative term so.. This episode may seem like an action packed one but IMO it was all about the characters. 

Who they are, how they view the world, their motives, how far they're willing to go for the things that they believe in, where do their loyalties lie... Most importantly; how strong are the bonds between those characters?  

Mac: Despite everything that he's been through this season, despite being in a dark place for a while, Mac is always Mac. He cares about ppl, he cares about lives and its always been his true motive. To stop a war between 2 sides, he's willing to sacrifice everyone he loves. Not their lives obviously but his bonds with those ppl, his relationships...Make no mistake, his chosen family is all he has left. So him willing to lose their loyalty, love and trust to find a peaceful solution for all is a big sacrifice on his part.   

Riley: Riley has always been Mac's rock. And this episode proved that Mac can always count on Riley. No matter what happens, Riley will always be there for him. Why? Bcoz "she trusts Mac". Screw all the evidence againts Mac, she knows him, she knows his heart, she knows how his mind works. She knows that if Mac's doing something, he always has a good reason for it. Riley and Mac also share a similar world view. If there is even a small chance of saving lives without bloodshed she'll take it.  Desi: This is where things get messy. Now i understand that she is a soldier, i know that she's not an emotionally open character but she is supposed to be Mac's girlfriend! She knows Mac for at least 2 years now, and if we count their off screen relationship they've been together for over a year. So how could she not know him? How could she believe that Mac's compromised? How could she be ok with sacrificing his LIFE? That crossed a line! It shows that Desi doesn't know Mac at all, she doesn't have any faith in him. And at this point i dont even think she loves him. Because that is not love.

Russ: He's been introduced as a morally gray character. He probably believes that ends justify the means. I love Russ, he is a character with layers but he also crossed a line in this episode. He's willing to kill Mac and Riley if it meant taking down the Codex leaders, which is inexcusable. But i guess i gotta cut him some slack coz he doesn't know Mac or Riley that long. He looks at the evidence and all he could see is Mac slowly changing teams. I feel like his hatred and obsession for Codex comes from a personal tragedy. Perhaps, he was a Codex agent in the past or someone he loved joined Codex and died? I guess we'll know in the next episode.

Bozer: He is Mac's oldest friend. He is like a brother to him. While he had his doubts but he never really believed that Mac was compromised. Like Riley, he knows the real Mac. And most importantly he wants his friend back safe and sound. I loved how he stood up against Russ. "How's that so different than what's Codex been saying?". Tell him Bozer!

Matty: While she believed that Mac’s actually gone rogue, she never wanted Mac to get harmed. She was truly concerned for him. And she was also right about Russ. He is a brilliant man but he shouldn't get crazy! Unfortunately he did get a little crazy with his Codex hunt. 

Now lets get to the juicy stuff.   MAC-RİLEY vs MAC-DESİ 

The whole episode was designed to show the striking contrast between Riley and Desi. Or more like MacRiley and MacDesi.

Riley's complete trust in Mac vs Desi's complete lack of trust in him

Riley knowing the real Mac vs Desi not knowing him at all

Riley risking her life to get to Mac vs Desi risking Mac's life to get to Codex 

Mac looking so happy&relieved to see Riley vs Mac wanting Desi off his back

MacRiley being a package deal vs MacDesi being a deal breaker.

I can't be happier with the way both relationships have been portrayed in this episode. Because it shows why MacRiley is "the ship", while MacDesi is "a ship".

Just a few more MacRiley thoughts and i'm done i promise

When Mac saw Riley coming to his rescue, his face said it all. He was so happy, so relieved to see her. Knowing that Riley hasn't given up on him meant the world for Mac. 

When Riley said "Because at the end of the day, i trust you"... Mac's little nod, "Of course she does trust me!"

"You know you dont have to do this, right?" - "What? And miss all the fun?"... Riley knows how to put a smile on Mac's face even when everything looks horrible!

Excuse me but Riley's driving skills are almost as good as her computer skills! She rocks!

When Mac thought he's gonna die, he reached for Riley's hand... Knowing full well that he's not alone. Never alone. 

Auntie Gwen is a MacRiley fan. Knew it! She knows Riley is not Mac's girlfriend but still wanted to see their reaction. And her smirk! LOOOL Mac could have just said, "no she is not my girlfriend" but i guess he forgot their status for a second LOL. Riley on the other hand answered Auntie like a boss. 

"We're a package deal!" HELL YEAH THEY ARE.  

"So what now?" "Improvise" --- Welcome back Mac. And thanks for bringing him back Riley. 

[tillmays]

They didn't notice when the last two weeks with Riley flew away... The last mission together, as a team, as a family. Matty called everyone to the war room. Riley was zoned out and for some reason was really nervous.

Matty- well before we start, let's make the best of it today. Riley, show me how hard can you go.

Bozer- wait ... what?! We still have a week left?!

Riley- that was a week ago.

Mac- it can't be I thought the same thing. bozer made a calendar about it.

desi- he made that thing THIS week.

Riley- it's okay boz, but today isn't my last day, don't worry.

Bozer- oh thank god because that means we still have time to make a Farewell party!

Matty- let the partying for later we have work to do.

But in fact Riley was lying Matty and her knew that was the last time within two months they were going to see each other. Matty sends them to a mission where the team faces an entire army. when they help an American reporter escape across the border from a South American dictatorship. They completed the mission in full success. 3 hours later they are back at the phoenix. They were all sweaty and covered in dirt and Matty was already waiting for them at the lab, she was looking for some dresses.

Mac- hey Matty.. We are here what's going on?

Matty- something surged. I need...

Riley- what?!  But we just got here.

Matty stared at her in a way saying to shut up. — I NEED to you guys go to this event.

Mac- Matty, I get that something surged, but we just fought an entire army in another country in the other extreme of this continent.

Matty- well I get you're tired but need to do your job and stop complaining Blondie.

Riley- can we shower first?

Matty- later.

Bozer- and where are we going?

Matty- It's a big event, you're going to the mansion of this Director, producer, I don't remember his name. , but he produced...what is that movie of the weird alien and the kid that flies into the moon?

Bozer and Mac got excited they jumped out of joy cause they knew who she was talking. — OH MY GOD it's Steven Spielberg!! *They said at the same time.*

Bozer- he's one of my favorites from my childhood oh god if I was making movies right now...and the movie is ET by the way.

Desi- how old are you? Jesus.

Matty- well but its fine since y'all are too tired to go.

Mac and Bozer- no it's fine we can do it.

Matty- well apparently your hero likes to make it big but hastily and very private. He's celebrating the premiere of his new project at his house. It's a big party it will have a red carpet and please, behave. Don't you dare to embarrass me, and if you try to make a move to meet him I will kill you. Your job is to get back a microfilm.

Riley- I microfilm? All this for a microfilm?!

Matty- it's not just that, someone is going to trade it at the event. There is something important in that, that the bad guys can't have.

Riley- can we shower now?

Matty raised her arm pointing towards the door.

At the party.

Mac was wearing his classic black suit. Bozer was wearing a dark blue suit. Desi was wearing this gorgeous light blue metallic dress. With clear heels, she was wearing a bun and a light makeup. And our girl Riley, she was breaking necks that night. She was wearing this black and red dress, black heels and her box braids.

Riley and bozer walked together thru the red carpet. while Desi an Mac did the same. they are in.

Bozer- uh this is exciting. 

Desi- someone's not sleeping tonight.

Riley- let him enjoy this.

Bozer- yeah.. it's not everyday you are this close to meet one of your heroes.

Riley and Bozer were on this mission together. They were walking around until Bozer got distracted. He went to talk to some men, he knew they were producers and other writers, Bozer was in his element. Riley was at the bar behind him, listening to how well he thrived in that environment. Riley used his phone to hack into the cameras and see what was going on in the other rooms.

Desi- Has anyone seen anything?

Riley, well, nothing here. Unless you count all the attention Bozer gets, nothing.

Mac- me neither, I don't think something's wrong here.

Desi- I think the same. * said as Mac walked towards her, and she gave him his drink *

This man went to the bar and saw Riley all alone, he thought of saying hi.

Riley was playing with her drink, she was bored, she felt like she was wasting time, she felt stuck, she felt lost, she felt ... nothing ... and everything at the same time. ”why im here, we will finish this in a couple of hours..*she looked at the clock counting the last hours before she left to her undercover job, she saw Bozer behind her* i bet they aren't even going to miss me* but in that moment someone saved her from her own thoughts 

Man- didn't your mom told you that you shouldn't play with your food?

Riley made no move, showed no sign of interest.

Riley- well, if you pay more attention, you'll see that this is not food.

Man- your right. *Riley kept playing with her glass of whiskey and keeping her eyes down on the table as he sat next to her * so who your with?

Riley- excuse me. *she was giving him the back looking to the other way, but keeping her head slightly in his direction. Bozer was paying attention of what was going on behind him*

Man- I mean, what production are you with on the movie? Or something?

Riley- no, I'm just ... here you know. With one of “the productions” *she imitates him as if to imply that she was not going to say anything *

Man- oh I get it, I just wanted to know if you wanted

Riley- no uh

Man, but what if we could?

Riley- never gonna happen.

Man- Damn, are you psychic or just not interested?

Riley- no, I'm just busy.

Man- and what's keeping you so busy and alone in this beautiful party? *Riley turned around but didn't expect to see that. It was Chris Evans. She was amazed, but she was good with hiding her face expressions but for a second she was melting inside*

Riley- Well “Mr. Want to know it all”, I'm not alone, but I wish I was right now.

Chris- oh I see you keep it real.

Riley- mm I try.

Chris- you want to come with me, let me introduce you to some friends.

Riley thought it was a good idea. Might help to start moving around and cover more time, and see who had the microfilm.

Riley- you know what? Okay, hey Boz come on!. *She called to Bozer without taking her eyes off of his, they caught him off guard, and he said*

Chris- oh well I, I mean, I thought-

Riley- what?

Chris looked at her feeling somehow, he knew she was a big deal  and that dress wasn't helping.

Chris- uh no, it's just that, * put a hand in his pocket * I mean, I thought it was just the two of us.

Riley- well, you were wrong, move it Bozer. * Bozer turns around*

Bozer- oh my god!! It's Chris Evans !! Oh! Man I love your job and your last movie .. Man you kill it!

Chris- thank you man, apparently it seems that, today only one person likes me. *said while looking at Riley *

Chris- well come on.

Riley, Bozer and Chris hit it off at the other room, they were having such a good time, she almost forgot she was working.

At the projection Room.

Desi- hey so what's your thing with the alien movies?

Mac- it's not a thing, but Stevens work has changed the way movies are made now, and you can't deny he's good at his work.

Desi- so you're that kind of nerd.

Mac- good news for you, I get that a lot.

They laughed and kept talking. Riley saw them from the other room. But why she was checking up on them, she didn't care what they were talking, or why Mac was smiling that way, she didn't care. Well that was that she was telling herself.

Chris- so you want to head it off?

Riley- yeah I don't know.

Chris- oh come on, live a little.

Riley- let me check something with my friends first.

Chris- fine, but you better hurry. Some friends are bringing old microfilms to choose and watch an old movie.

Riley- they bring what? *Riley senses were alert and tried to get information about it*

Chris- yeah they are putting old movies at my place later.

Riley- well wait for me ok.

Chris- I knew you were gonna say yes. We live in 5.

Riley and Bozer went running back to Mac and Desi*

Bozer- dude where are they?

Riley- I don't know let me check my phone and see what I got on the cameras. Look they are close to the entrance, lets go.

They found them and they formed a little circle.

Bozer- we have to go.

Mac- why?

Desi- what did you do?

Mac- please tell me you weren't looking for Mr Spielberg?

Bozer- what?! No! Why y'all always think it's me!

Riley- guys!, pay attention. The microfilm isn't here.

Mac- what do you mean that the microfilm isn't here?

Riley- Chris friends are going to have a little screening at his place. And he told me that they are bringing some microfilms.

Mac- so they used this party to hide the real one.

Desi- but that makes no sense.

Bozer- just like this whole day girl.

In that moment someone crashed the party. They heard when the tires of a car screeched and everybody outside the red carpet started to run and scream. The gunshots started and the 4 of them looked at the door.

Riley- everyone outside in 3 ok.

Desi-  count on it.

Bozer and Mac helped everyone to run to the other side to escape. They went to the second floor to see if someone was there but no one was up there. They were walking back downstairs went they popped in to the star of the night.

Mac and Bozer got froze.

Steven S- oh guys are people up there? we gotta get everyone safe! Are you ok?

Mac and Bozer couldn't believe what was happening, but they snapped out of it.

Mac- yeah we're good, everybody it's outside. 

Steven S- well come on!

Bozer- I know this isn't the right time but sir I love your work I'm your fan!

Steve S- oh thank you son.

They were outside and they met with the girls.

Mac- hey you ok?

Desi- yeah we are good and you guys? *she got closer to mac, Riley looked what was going on, but she just frowned. Bozer and Mac walked a side and Mr Spielberg was behind them.

Riley- oh my god! I guess you are more than fine. haha

SS- oh this young man's help me get out.

Riley- yeah the safety of others is their top priority. *she winked*

SS- you two are to lucky ladies.

Desi and Riley just laughed.

Man- oh Steven where have you been? 

The guys were more the surprised.

SS- oh Bruce calm down, I'm fine.

Bozer- you're... you're.

Mac- Bruce Willis. Hi nice to meet you.

Bruce- hi nice to meet you all. Steven what the hell it's going on man??

SS- Bruce I want to introduce you to these young mans who helped me get out of that chaos.

Bruce-  uh they remind me of the goonies.

Bozer- the goonies??

Bruce- yeah.. you have that vibe of that kid, the chubby one. *everyone laughed* 

Mac- no we actually are more of the die hard type.

Bruce- oh really, i dig it.

SS- you can't see it even when you have it in front of your face they clearly are like the A- team.

Bruce- what? youre out of your mind. they are more of a... * they kept discussing while walking away.*

Bozer- wow they are like a Mac and Jack uh.

Riley- uhh Jack isn't going to believe this.

Desi- don't worry he can watch Die Hard anytime he want.

Riley- hahaha, i really miss him. *Bozer put his hand on Rileys shoulder.* 

Desi received a phone call. she looks at her phone. -its Matty.

Bozer- do not answer that, we better move now.

Riley- i will go find Chris.

Mac thinking “ why? we can just track his phone and find the place” but as always he didn't said something. 

Mac- i will go with Desi we will meet you there.

Mac just raised his eyebrows making a little smirk. Just trying to see her reaction. he make that Jack Daltons face when is trying to be provoke someone and put them on their nerves. 

Riley turned around and stared at him frowning her face. while saying to herself “dude what” she thought. while her mind was spinning like crazy wondering what was that. he was just saying it or he was trying to play mind games. 

       ..........................................................

This is the hair i picked for Riley for this one. wait for the second part :) ;)

[macgyvermedical]

Hi! I'm sure you have many prompts already, but on the slight chance you don't, I've been wanting to read a fic from Matty's perspective of a couple of times Mac has been in danger and how much it affected her emotionally. I feel like she is a very soft person inside and would have mini panic attacks when Mac takes too long to answer comms or when she is told he is injured but has no idea how bad. ^_^

So technically this was prompt number 6, but as soon as I read it I knew it was the one. I love long-distance worry. The scene from Casino Royale where M is alerted that Bond’s been poisoned? The very archetype of my jam. I can’t honestly believe that I never thought about writing something similar for Matty. So thanks for that.

This is try #3 of a missing scene from “CD + Hoagie Foil”

Close Call + Background Noise

“Uuuh, Matty, we’ve got a problem.” Jack’s voice burst back through the comms. Matty had been waiting uneasily, knowing any radio-mediated communication could potentially tip off Chandra’s goons that something was afoot. She nearly jumped when she finally heard his voice after the nearly half hour of silence.

“Do you have the gas?” She asked immediately, urgently. Already she was thinking about routes between the water treatment plant and Grand Central, where she could cut off Chandra’s route to inciting a mass casualty incident. She motioned for Jill to look up the emergency number for the NYC transit authority.

“Not exactly according to plan, but yeah, the gas has been neutralized.” Matty let out a barely audible sigh of relief.

“So what’s the issue, Jack?”

“Chandra’s plan changed. Instead of Grand Central, she decided to dump both canisters into the NYC water supply.” Jack said. Matty picked up a little effort in his voice that put her on edge. If the situation was truly over, he should be as relieved as she was. Something wasn’t right. “Mac had to improvise. He managed to stop that from happening, and the NYC SWAT team is securing the area and taking all of Chandra’s people into custody as we speak.”

“Okay… and?”

“And in the process… Matty, Mac’s been exposed.”

“How bad?” She asked immediately. There was still a level of relief, that the lives of potentially thousands of New Yorkers would be spared, but the dread in Jack’s voice told her she should very much still be worried.

“There was a lot of it, Matty, it filled up the room he was in.” Matty policed her face, motioning Jill over.

“How fast can we get an ambulance to them?” She asked Jill in a whisper.

“I’ll find out.” Jill’s fingers wizzed across her tablet screen and she tapped her headset.  

“How’s Mac doing?” Matty asked. It had been a while since she’d had to use any information on nerve agents besides ‘they’re deadly’ but they were always something she kept a foundational knowledge of in the back of her mind. They scared her more than just about any other substance her agents could come into contact with. Even before Jack could answer, she could hear someone coughing forcefully in the background.

“Mac, how you doing, buddy?” She heard Jack ask. There was a pause, more coughing, turning to a kind of pained croaking. “Mac!” The sound of gravel being pushed out of the way and someone falling against Jack. A pained intake of breath. “Matty, he’s breathing real bad.”

“Jill! Do you have that ambulance yet?” Matty asked urgently.

“There was supposed to be one there, but a SWAT officer was badly wounded in the firefight before they knew about Mac. Another ambulance is en-route but they’re pretty remote- its going to be 20 minutes before they’re on scene.”

“Make it half that. Mac’s not going to last that long.” Matty said.

“The hell you mean Mac’s not going to last that long?” Jack asked over the comms. “He said he had 18 hours!”

Matty looked quizzically at Jill, trying to contain her hope that she was wrong. “Does he have that long?”

“VX? Dermal exposure only, maybe he’d have that long.” Jill explained quickly. “But aerosolized in a confined space? If he breathed it in, he could suffocate in 10 minutes.”

“Shit, Mac.” Matty heard Jack say. “Okay, okay…What do we do? How do we save him?” Matty took a breath. “There’s gotta be something we can do, Mats, c’mon.” She could only imagine the panicked look on Mac’s face, and that was if he was still conscious. Really, the only thing going through her head was get the ambulance there faster. But no matter how much pressure she put on Jill she knew she couldn’t change the laws of physics. She looked at Riley.

“I’m trying to line up the traffic signals, but I don’t know how much time that’s actually going to buy us.” Riley chimed in.

“Do you still have the kit I put in Sam’s car?” Jill asked.

“No” Sam responded; her voice worried. “When I was captured earlier we lost the car.”

“What about Jack- do you still have your tac vest?”

“Yeah, why?” Jack asked hopefully.

“There’s a pouch on the front lower right panel. Is it still there?” Matty listened to the crunch of Velcro.

“Yeah.”

“Open it. There should be three auto-injectors inside.”

“Jill I could kiss you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Hello? Someone want to fill me in?” Matty asked urgently.

“When I found out this mission was going to involve VX I had oc health put together some antidote kits. We should have done a training on them before they left, but there wasn’t a lot of time.” A wave of relief washed over Matty. There was a chance. There was hope.

“Jack, were you ever trained on DuoDote?” Jill asked.

“A long time ago.”  

“Okay, they’re easy, just take the auto-injector out of the tube, take the safety plug off and slam the green end into Mac’s thigh. Count to 5, then remove it.” In the background, there was the sound of someone fiddling with plastic. The sound of gravel moving under a knee pad. A click.

“One, two, three, four, five…” The silence was palpable. “Now what?” Jack’s voice asked.

“Is he breathing?” Matty asked.

“Barely, Matty, I don’t think it worked.” Jack was keeping his voice together but Matty could tell he was panicking. She let out her own slow breath.

“Give it a minute or so. The atropine needs to open his airway and that’s not always immediate. If it doesn’t happen in 5 minutes, give him a second dose.”

“Can he go that long without air?”

“I know what you’re thinking, Jack, but don’t give him rescue breaths unless you have a barrier.” Matty looked at Jill incredulously.

“We only have the 3 doses.” Jill explained. “If Jack gives Mac rescue breaths, that could expose him, and we don’t have enough antidote for both of them.”

“You know I don’t care about that.” Jack said.

“…Besides, Jack, until the atropine works, Mac’s airway is too narrow for the breaths to do much good.” Matty looked wary at this advice, but said nothing else about it.

“I…”

“Trust me, Jack.” There was a disappointed grunt on the end of the line, followed by long minutes of tense silence.

“I think it’s working.” Sam was the first to report. Matty let out a breath. In the background, the familiar but much more reassuring sound of coughing and choking filled the background noise. It was a lovely sound. “I’m putting him in recovery position, yeah?”

“Do that. EMS should be there in about 5 minutes. They have the hospital alerted and they’ll be able to provide decontamination when he arrives.” Jill reported.

“Jack and Sam, were either of you exposed? Did you touch Mac with bare skin or come into contact with the nerve agent in any way?” Matty asked.

“Yes.” Sam said hesitantly. “Both of us, when we helped him out of the building.” Matty went back on alert.

“Are either of you showing any symptoms? Nausea, blurred vision, eye pain, sweating, coughing, runny nose, anything like that?” There was a pause.

“Nope, neither of us.” Jack reported.

“Okay, I’m going to have the two of you go to the hospital with Mac. They’ll decon you there and you’ll stay for however long they want to watch you for, understood?”

“C’mon, Matty.”  

“You heard me, Jack. I can’t have all three of you out of work. Keep me updated on any developments.”

She let the line go dead as the sound of sirens filled the background noise. It wasn’t always her fault, but it was never easy to make calls like that from a distance. She would have put her head down for a moment to try and clear it, but Riley and Jill were still in the room working, and it would look weird to kick them out now, before the situation was well and truly resolved. Instead, she allowed herself a long breath and a sip of coffee that had long since gone cold.