#thanks for the extra pain
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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Happy birthday my baby boy my present to you is my first ever fully finished comic
#genzen#zengen#genya x zenitsu#genya shinazugawa#zenitsu agatsuma#muichirou tokitou#himejima gyomei#muichiro tokito#himejima gyoumei#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#I've been agonizing over the idea of their first ever sleepover ouygeudgdggjdhgjj#it's so funny bc the only reason I started drawing this comic is literally just bc I wanted to draw zen with a nightbrace 💀#I must project my adolescent orthodontic pain and struggle onto zenitsu agatsuma or else my life will end#I imagine this is like. they're not quite yet all the way friends but they're getting there hehe#little do yall know what this will blossom into.......#the last page is supposed to be like. zen listening to genyas heartbeat slowing down while he falls asleep hehehe#speaking of the last page#I completely forgot to draw the nightbrace on those last two panels LMFAOOOOO OOPS#this comic has spawned genuinely just. some of my favorite Genya drawings I've ever made#especially the one of him yawning it's so. ouywghdhj. my gneys.#there was gonna be an extra page after the this is nice panel where zen is all relaxed and sleeping#and then just. gets woken back up by the most HORRIFIC beastly sounding snore possible from Genya#but i couldn't figure out how to draw it so i just left it on a sweet note hehehe#never in my life did I think I would draw as many statues of Buddha as I have. thanks Genya.#speaking of it always very much surprises zen to find out that Genya is like fully and wholly religious he does not seem like the type atAL
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Might be a hot take as a bkdk and tgck truther here, but I find izuocha endlessly fascinating, beautiful, but also tearfully tragic.
I see their love for each other as something representative of their innocence and naivety when they only knew so little about who they were, and what was to come.
I think the main barrier of their relationship is that its rooted in how they see each other very idealistically, specifically that they're attached to the image of their Best Heroic Selves, and not the deeply selfish, destructive, freaky, and egotistical parts of them. To each other, they need to keep fulfilling that image or else that same person they looked up to would almost die in front of them, and that would be too cruel. Although that hero is still there, that same person they looked up to is not the same now because of...well...everything.
Izuku had barely even talked to girls when he first met her. She was Izuku's first ever real friend (Sorry Kats, everyone and him knows he was terrible), so he saved her in that entrance exam even if it was so dangerous. She gave a new meaning to his derogatory nickname just by being a friend that believed in him. After that, she saved him several more times (Blackwhip and Megaphone are the biggest samples iirc). It makes perfect sense that she is Deku's hero.
Ochako hardly knew what it meant to be a hero when she first got into UA. Just by reaching out to some kid tripping, she made a new friend who would then save her in that exam, then save him again in return. This boy then became someone who was always working so hard to save everyone in trouble, and she realized she wanted to be just like him too. "I want to save people"
But...Deku changes. The weight of One for All is on his shoulders and he needs someone to carry this burden with him. He continues to want to save other people at the expense of himself, still not letting his true selfishness and ego ever show- and it only grows more and more unbearable.
Then...Ochako fell in love with Himiko. Truly, relentlessly, selfishly and devotedly in love with a girl who then dies giving her blood to her- the greatest expression of love Himiko could ever give.
Not that they can't love each other because of this happening (and...so many other things oh god), I'm honestly not sure how to explain it- But them ending up together after losing that innocence and naivety? After Ochako will forever grieve the girl who showed her love in its most beautiful and ugly form? After Izuku changed so fundamentally as a person that the butterflies of a nice girl talking to you doesn't exist anymore? After that simple image of being a hero and being in love has completely changed for them both?
Even so, I believe they still love each other. There is no label I know of that can properly describe them though. They are each other's image of being a hero when it comes to saving people. Aside from Shoto, no one else can grasp the grief of the person you tried to save dying in your hands. They would no doubt try to cope with these losses together, and just try to get better together...but so much has changed. They've changed. The world changed. What are they now? Who are they now?
"What happened...to us?"
#I just think the tragedy of falling out of love for the person who represents who they Used to be is so...so painful#Kacchan isn't even here yet and it's already so complicated.#also. Izch healing together after all this would also be really nice#if u like them ending up together thats also perfectly fine too. im just a bkdk and tgck truther myself. thats kinda my whole thing#but izch forming a deep bond from their experiences and saving eachother#and maybe later on trying to date too...oh boy#and them being able to just...be more casual again. talk abt their lives and dreams together too just so they know they have each other#oh itd be so healing and beautiful#im so glad izuku talked to ochako on that cliff man oh man...#izuocha the underrated tragic love that they could've been if ppl werent so close minded abt them#only the real izch fans understand just how much these two actually mean to each other. god bless yall I swear even if I dont ship ship it#thank u to that person who wrote abt them being characters than run in parallel#that narrative structure for them is permanently in my brain. I love these two so much its no joke#my Extra hot take is that izch wouldve been treated better by the fandom if it was gay.#but we'd still agree on bkdk as the endgame after all that happened. maybe. idk this is a hypothetical.#if you switch ock and kats genders...this wouldve been a very different story and fandom. insane food for thought with this one.#ok thats my yap for the night oh god i have so many feelings about them...#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#izuocha#actually confidently putting this tag now. sorry for the angst you guys...and maybe being seen as a traitor#im a strong girl I could take on potential haters hahaha...#izuku midoriya#ochako uraraka
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maybe a controversial opinion but while i really love jiang cheng as a character he is deeply self-centered as a person. and seeing people fight tooth and nail claiming he isn't, or is just misunderstood, or that he has genuine valid reasons to be selfish when plenty of other characters make the difficult choice to forego status and opportunities for what they believe is genuinely right to do (read: wei wuxian, wen ning, wen qing, lan wangji, jiang yanli, mianmian, etc.)
it's just odd to me. especially if they're talking about the novels.
mxtx didn't give jiang cheng the name "sandu shengshou" as a quirky coincidence. there's a REASON she named him & his sword after the 3 poisons of Buddhism (specifically ignorance, greed, and hatred). it's crucial to the story that jiang cheng is NOT selfless and that wei wuxian IS.
it's important to accept that wei wuxian is, by their society's standards, not morally gray; he represents several Buddhist ideals in direct contrast of jiang cheng and multiple people attest to wei wuxian's strong moral character, which is a lot of why jiang cheng even feels bitter about him to begin with.
it's crucial, because by the end of the novel jiang cheng realizes the extent of this and begins to let go!
the twin prides thing wasn't jiang cheng wanting them to 100% mirror the twin jades. he does care about wei wuxian, but he wanted wei wuxian to stay his right hand man, in part the way wei changze was for jiang fengmian.
and if there's one thing you can notice about wei changze in the novels, it's that literally nobody talks about him. he is only ever mentioned when his cool mysterious mountain sect wife cangse-sanren is mentioned, or (even more rarely) when they discuss him as a servant to jiang fengmian. regardless of jiang fengmian's own feelings, wei changze was considered lesser to him and didn't seem to outdo him, since nobody's out there years later still waxing poetry about wei changze's skills.
it may not be the only thing jiang cheng wants out of a twin pride dynamic, but it is a big part of it. regardless of his parents' intentions in taking wei wuxian in and treating him certain ways, this twin pride right-hand man thing is what jiang cheng has felt owed since childhood. he gave up his dogs for wei wuxian, people gossip about his sect heir position with wei wuxian there... jiang cheng wants the reciprocation of what he views as personal sacrifices.
he is ignorant to the depth of what wei wuxian must've suffered for over 6 years as a malnourished orphan child on the streets. he hates how wei wuxian's intelligence, witty charm, and cultivation abilities are naturally stronger than his own. he does care about wei wuxian a lot and want them to be together as sort of-brothers, sort of-friends, sort of-young master and sect servant...
...but if it's between that unclear (yet still caring) relationship and being able to save himself just a little bit more, jiang cheng nearly always manages to clam up in the face of danger and choose the latter, which ultimately benefits himself most. maybe it's a stretch to call that sort of thing greed, but it certainly isn't selfless.
there are of course plenty of justifications for this. it's his duty as sect heir. his home and sect was severely damaged by the wen attack and subsequent war; he had to protect himself, etc.
but doesn't that prove the point?
wei wuxian may be charming, but in terms of pure social standing, he is lower and far more susceptible to being punished or placed in harm's way by people who have more power and money. to protect wei wuxian, yunmeng jiang's long-term head disciple and semi-family member, even in the face of backlash and public scrutiny would've been the selfless thing to do. this is what wei wuxian does for the wen remnants in the burial mounds.
jiang cheng does not choose this. it's not even an unreasonable choice for him to make! nobody else in the great clans is doing such a thing, stepping out of line to take on a burden that could weaken them in the long-run. wei wuxian himself doesn't hate jiang cheng for it; he lets go of these things and focuses on what good he can do in the present.
jiang cheng thinks further into the future - what would happen to him if he continued vouching for wei wuxian and taking his side? what about jiang cheng's face, his sect's face? would wei wuxian even care to reciprocate somehow? everyone expects him to cut off wei wuxian for being dangerous, for threatening his position, for...
do you see what i mean? to call jiang cheng selfless for falling in line with exactly what people expected him to do after the war is not only wrong, it's foolish.
"but they faked their falling-out!" okay. why fake it to begin with, except to protect jiang cheng and the jiang sect's own face? is that selfless? who does it ultimately serve to protect? wei wuxian canonically internalizes the idea that he stains all that he touches, including lan wangji, and agrees to the fake fight because he doesn't want to cause the jiang sect harm. regardless, it eventually slides into a true falling-out, and in the end jiang cheng is more or less unscathed reputation-wise while wei wuxian falls.
that isn't selfless. it's many things! it's respecting his clan and his ancestors, it's making a good plan for the future of his sect and cultivation... but it isn't a truly selfless in the interest of what's right rather than in the interest of duty and what's good for him and his family lineage.
that brings me to my next point: even though wei wuxian hid the truth of the golden core transfer, jiang cheng spent nearly 20 years believing that the golden core "renewal" he was given was a birthright gift of wei wuxian's from baoshan-sanren, an immortal sect teacher of wei wuxian's mother's and a martial elder to wei wuxian.
of course we all know that's a big fat lie, but jiang cheng believed that wei wuxian gave up a critical emergency use gift to him for decades! he was lied to, yes, but jiang cheng immediately agreed without even needing to be convinced. the light in his dead eyes came back with hope the moment wei wuxian even said baoshan-sanren's name. he accepted wei wuxian's offer to give that up to him and take it via identity theft without missing a beat.
with how mysterious and revered baoshan-sanren is, that's obviously not a light sacrifice to just give up to anyone, no matter how close they might be to you. pretending to be wei wuxian to take the gift could even be considered dangerous. what if she found out and got offended? could wei wuxian be hurt by that?
jiang cheng doesn't even hesitate. wei wuxian is the one who mentions that if jiang cheng doesn't pretend to be him, the immortal master could get angry and they'd both be goners. and funnily enough, the day they do go to "the mountain", jiang cheng is the one worried and suspiciously wondering if wei wuxian was lying to him or had misremembered.
of course they've both been traumatized like hell prior to this point. but still: it speaks to how broken he was at the moment as well as to his character overall.
i digress: jiang cheng "gets his golden core back" via what he believed was a gift that should've been wei wuxian's to use in serious emergencies. rather than use it for himself, wei wuxian risked his own safety and gave it to jiang cheng... and jiang cheng still ends up embittered and angry, believing that wei wuxian is arrogant and selfish.
if he truly views them as 100% brothers and equals with no caveats, why would he think that way? it's not like he needs to grovel before wei wuxian for doing that, or to reciprocate... but this is what i mean when i say jiang cheng feels he is owed things by wei wuxian. wei wuxian's actions hold a very different weight in jiang cheng's mind, and jiang cheng himself doesn't ever act the same way, except once.
is it wrong for him to feel like he is owed something? it depends. many asian cultures, including my own, feel that a person owes their family in ways that may not make sense to westerners. for example, it's considered normal for a child to owe their parents for giving birth to them, or to other caretakers for feeding, clothing, sheltering, educating them, etc.
however, something like verbally saying "thank you" or "i'm sorry" to family is considered crazy- why would you owe that? you're supposed to inconvenience your family; saying thank you or sorry is the sort of thing you say to a stranger or acquaintance. i get half-seriously lectured by my elders on this a lot even now, even though they know such phrases are just considered good manners in the US.
this muddies up the idea of wei wuxian being jiang cheng's family vs his family's charge or servant even more. jiang cheng wants wei wuxian to be close... but ultimately doesn't really choose to use what power he DOES have to protect wei wuxian. he considers himself still owed something that in his mind wei wuxian flagrantly never repays.
this isn't even getting into how despite spending a majority of his time with the yiling patriarch he never once noticed that wei wuxian stopped using any spiritual power-based cultivation. even lan wangji, who met them far more rarely, realized that something was wrong and that wei wuxian had taken some sort of spiritual damage, hence the "come with me to gusu".
of course manpain is fun and i'm not immune to the juicy idea of them reconciling and talking things out... but jiang cheng is deeply mired in his own desire to be "above" wei wuxian in multiple ways, and doesn't realize the extent of wei wuxian's actions, the intentions behind them, and the consequences wei wuxian knowingly faced for them.
to not recognize this about jiang cheng, especially in the novels, is really revisionist if you ask me. i reiterate that i really do like him a lot. he's flawed, angry, traumatized and has poor coping mechanisms, an overall fascinating character... but he is not selfless nor ideal, and i seriously draw the line at people saying he is.
wen ning shoves this all into his face at lotus pier to disastrous results. it is the reason why jiang cheng's a total mess at guanyin temple, and the reason jiang cheng ultimately doesn't tell wei wuxian about the fact that he ran towards the wens on purpose.
for that one last act of his to have really been selfless, he needs to not seek anything in return. he did it purely because it was right to do to protect someone else. if that means wei wuxian never finds out about it, so be it.
that moment that ended up causing jiang cheng irreversible harm is not a debt that wei wuxian owes him. it hurts, but no matter how bitter it is, that realization is so important to him changing in the future.
#keri chats#mo dao zu shi#jiang cheng#long post#this is NOT anti/crit for him btw i like him a lot i just feel like nobody interprets him the way i perceive him#which even then my interpretation is p nebulous... worth saying i also heavily disagree w ppl who think of him as an evil shithead#he's upper class & steeped in jianghu politics/self preservation. flawed as hell human being but they're all war criminals lbr it's#Magical Genocide and War Crimes: The Novel#anyway this post is messy as fuck but if u read all of it: thank u. if u agree with me: ilu. i wish more ppl understood revenge ethics#as they stand in asian cultures and history vs in western (almost always culturally christian) cultures#it's unclear how far in the future the extras are but at one pt he's ''the same as ever'' which at best indicates slow emotional growth#and like. ykw? i don't think he'll be repressed bitter angry thinking abt his losses n pain forever. i think he can grow i believe in him#i have so many thoughts on this i could've made this post go on forever augh#mdzs#danmei
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YESSSSS my Halloween order from @waywardstation came in!! Picked up some charms for a pair of friends to take advantage of the discount, oh these are such cute charms, I'm so glad I managed to have a lil spare change for these!! ;w; The bat clips are such a lovely little touch, and these definitely feel like sturdy lil guys!
And omg, all the little bonuses were such a pleasant surprise!! (Editor's note: the joltik plushie was not included in the bonuses lol I've had that for like 7 years.) The joltik clip is also so cuuuute, I'm tempted to super glue a magnet onto it so I can put it around my desk :3c
#waywardstation#look if you know me you know me getting a werewolf ingo charm is not a surprising at all. made for me. need to figure out if this is going#on my phone or switch controller hehehehe#anyways this was such a pleasant surprise to find after having to take a pain nap#(periods on t are apparently extra rough. and my periods have already been rough. ough.)#also torn between putting the stickers on my computer tower or my sewing machine... i like both options fghj#... this is reminding me i should make a post abuot being open for sewing commissions so i can save up more cash#anyways. o/ thank you wayward for the lovely package may your shop sell well
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Posting these before i forgetttt
#someone drew the RWS disc server emojis and it was SO delicious#went looking for post/account but i couldn’t find anything#i might dig deeper but based of the URL i think their name was thelegendofbooger??#or maybe im just an idiot#their username mightve changed so if anyone finds out lmk maybeee????#couldnt stop thinking of these emojis ever sinceeeee😭🙏#postal dude#running with scissors#postal#postal 2#postal 3#the postal dude emojis are also available on steam for anyone who owns postal 4 i think#i need sleep#was a pain in the ass writing all that i hope i find them god daaaaauuuuhhhmmn#thanks to anyone who reads the extra stuff i put in tags btw🥲
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funniest thing ive learned (and that's coming from someone who had debilitating perfectionist tendencies) is that making your own mistakes is actually thrilling and really fun because it really feels like gaining xp and leveling up but irl. like ah shit i see. well i'll know that's a soak marker next time kinda deal
#it's like. making your own mistakes and then examining where you went wrong and the mechanism of it is THE ultimate personalized lesson plan#a mistake is an opportunity to really understand for yourself the framework / laws of the art in question#if you get it right every time / from the very beginning then you learn Nothing#you just exist. like a fish in water. you don't really understand the rules and the reasons for anything#this is why i ended up being happy i (-gets sniped before finishing the sentence)#not to sound like an annoying therapist-adjacent but mistakes and the ability to make them for yourself really are a gift#also it does not have to be Painful like i think the thing i learned most is that you do not HAVE to extra-worry and harm yourself#and shame yourself after making a mistake because actual understanding comes with clarity of mind#and you can't make a sound judgement when your mind is clouded by horrible amounts of shame and guilt etc#in fact it is more likely to make you double down and dig your heels in and make the mistake So Much Worse#this is something i learned thanks to 1) being forsaken by god and 2) getting into candlemaking#extra relevant now that i'm getting into music again
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i've been dead and gone bc of school and jobsearching and everything happening all at once but ive been playing the boktai series games lately and i'm enjoying it a lot. I just got past the third boss in boktai 2. I don't know why but i'm enthralled with these games, i highly recommend them
#WOE TEN THOUSAND TAG MUSINGS BE UPON YE (this is a warning)#boktai#(pointing) the battle network fan has fallen for the crossover marketing 20 years late#the first gif is bc i imagine the bosses waiting all polite like for django to finish eating healing items when heal scumming in fights.#twenty apples a day keeps the damage away#django is like a son to me hes just a little guy#if the text is hard to read in the third image it says “The tick damage in sunlight brothers”#i find it funny that vampire django still gains his energy from sunlight after turning. his voiceline changes too#it's hard to tell if it's bc hes supposed to sound gruff or like hes in pain. but it makes me feel bad for recharging energy like that#i figure he'd be wound up abt this since it seems he views any connection to his father with a lot of weight#(e.x: zazie pointing out he's crying just after the gun del sol got stolen at the start of 2)#hence why he's depressed in that image#also all the official art of him looks very cool but im incapable of seeing him like that his sprite makes him look like a scruffy dog#im torn between thinking it's cute nd wanting to make fun of him with doodles. least typical vampire appearance with the most typical power#the way you kill immortals (vampires) in this game is so metal i need to rant abt it Somewhere#so like boktai is a game series abt vampire hunting but it's rather sci-fi abt it. instead of more typical weapons you use solar energy#the immortals resurrect after being killed#but this can be prevented via purification. the way this goes is#after winning a bossfight the enemy will get sealed in a coffin. that you then to drag allll the way back outside the dungeon#(often with new puzzles thanks to the coffin being an extra weight)#all the while the immortal inside tries to escape#the objective is to get the immortal to a. summoning circle i guess?#housing devices called pile drivers. they're more like lenses or mirrors though.#they focus sunrays on the coffin purifying the immortal after a brief fight that's like#preventing the boss from attacking the pile drivers until it dies#like. this doesn't sound all that special but most bosses you fight are sentient and i just think it's a bit of a brutal method#for a main protagonist to use#i keep thinking of how it must feel to do it for a living. something like a funeral driver but you're the murderer and the corpse isn't dea#and instead of a funeral you're taking them to a mega death laser array that'll slowly chip away at their health#and then boktai 2 inflicts that on django and im like. is he ok (he's ok but he died)
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A ver in her pjs I doodled during a lecture :}
#everything she owns must be frilly or laced or ruffled#art tag#oc tag#oc: veronica#she thrifts a lot of vintage stuff and restores it her house is very extra#she’s very anti-modern in her house she hates the newer minimalist style#she took great pains to renovate her house back to a cool looking one THANK you#the background on this is so half assed because I just wanted to fill the space
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im having the only symptom i never saw anybody mention in their experiences and its also one of the things that makes me most miserable in life.
#thank god they gave me an extra bag or i wouldve thrown up on the floor at walmart.#(was picking up pain management meds) (thank god i no longer Need to leave the house)#i wanna sleep but i cant bc its so hot and i cant sleep on my back....we will see how tonite goes#(im trying to really wait before taking pain meds so i dont have to wake myself up to take another dose)#talkys#bisalp#surgery
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Gil gets hurt and Thena takes care of him. We need some soft content hehehe free choice and thanks <3
"You okay?"
Thena blinked. Her vision was fading on her. She looked back at Gil, who was staring at her with those big brown eyes of his. She smiled, moving away from the edge of the loft and leaning over him again. "I should be asking you that. You need to rest."
"I am," he pointed out weakly, moving his eyes around to indicate the thorough incapacitation of his body. They had gotten up the ladder on pure adrenaline. They just needed somewhere off the ground and safe for the night while the herd outside passed, or at least calmed.
The barn doors were holding, thanks to the plank of wood they had secured after all of them holding them with all their strength.
Thena had spread out some hay. They didn't bring much with them--this was supposed to be an easy day trip for supplies. She had laid Gil down, balling up her sweater under his head as the least she could do. "Let me see it."
It wasn't as if he was in a position to stop her. He grunted as she pulled on his good arm to help him sit up, although even that caused his bad shoulder some pain. "You checked it five minutes ago."
"It was not five minutes ago," she argued with him, their voices hushed. Despite the tense silence and the low shuffling of the herd outside, it was quieter in the barn than the sterile, smooth echoes of the hospital. Not that they didn't long to be back there at the moment.
Gil let her unbutton his shirt and look at his shoulder again. He had tried to save one of their own earlier, even letting his arm be pulled out of the socket. But the herd had won, and she had pulled him away before he could be swallowed up too.
The swelling was still prominent. She didn't have anything to help with that, and neither she nor Kingo nor Ikaris were knowledgeable enough to pop it back into place for now. She wondered if they would even be strong enough.
"I've dislocated my shoulder before, y'know."
"Is that so?" she whispered, pulling his shirt away from him as if it would cause the injury to worsen. Already his skin was starting to change colour.
"I was maybe 14?--my dad thought it would be a good idea to make me join wrestling. Thought I was too timid, especially for being kind of a husky kid," Gil continued as she traced the edge of his swelling with her eyes. She didn't dare touch it. "Obviously, I didn't wanna do it."
"Obviously," she added, because of course Gil didn't want to fight his peers as a growing teen, probably just as sweet and shy as he was now.
"So, my first practice I tried to just go limp and play dead, but the other guy was not having it," he chuckled. She watched the shadows of his breathing against the glow of the flashlight. "He ended up popping my shoulder out, he was trying so hard. I was just happy I got to quit the team."
"Gil," she scolded him with a smile. The idea of young teen Gil, shy in a wrestling leotard and just trying to make friends crossed her mind. "I imagine it hurt then, too."
He let out a breath. He was careful about it. He was putting up a good front, but she knew when he was in pain. She had seen it enough during their time on the road. "I guess it did."
She frowned. This wasn't the kind of injury they could disinfect and wrap up. They still had to get him back to the car and then back to the hospital without incident. And this was the open road; it wouldn't be easy to mow a path for them back to the cars from here.
But she could do it.
Gil wheezed as she helped him lie down again. He forgot to pretend he was fine when he was moving, his face twisted in pain. "Bill-"
"Hey," she cut him off. She didn't even remember his name. They had only gone on a run once or twice before. All she had known in the moment was that Gil was in danger. "Don't."
"He's got a girlfriend back at the hospital," Gil whispered to her. He opened his eyes, staring up at the room of the barn.
She moved to lean over his face, brushing his tears away. "I'm afraid it could happen to any of us, out here. We know the risks."
They all had to know the risks. What's-his-name had signed up for supplies duty just like the rest of them had. Ajak didn't assign people roles based on whim.
Thena leaned in, pressing her lips to his forehead. He still wasn't running a fever (good). "We'll tell her together--how hard you tried to save him."
Gil shut his eyes again. There was nothing they could do about it now. "You should get some sleep."
"Hypocrite."
"Really," he wheezed again. "You're not gonna stay up until dawn just because I'm like this. We need you at your best."
Thena looked out over the rest of the barn again. She could just barely make out where Ikaris was leaning up against a pillar, although she couldn't see if he was sleeping or not. Kingo was curled up on a stack of hay, already knocked out from all the effort they exerted.
"Thena, I'm fine."
He was far from fine. He was hurt, and suddenly their days on the road weren't so far away anymore. The sting of peril was hot on their heels again. She could remember holding onto him, willing to pull off his other arm if it meant not letting go. Kingo was the one to pull them both, yanking her backpack to get them both up the hill and towards the barn.
She opened up her bag. She should have packed for the possibility of being stuck out here, regardless. They were getting too comfortable at the hospital--too spoiled. There had to be something she could use to help Gil in some way.
"Thena," Gil sighed as she pulled out a blanket. It was barely a blanket, more some ripped old sheet for acting as a trampoline if they had to drop things from a height and stay quiet. It barely covered from his elbows down to his knees. "Really?"
"I said hush," she muttered, moving on to his bag as well. She dug out the spare shirt he brought.
Gil moved his eyes as he watched her. "It's a nice idea, but I don't know if a summer gingham shirt is gonna offer much warmth."
She made sure to huff at him, pulling it on over her white t-shirt. she didn't bother buttoning it, but she did pull it closed around her. It was big enough to feel like having a blanket around her. "No complaining."
She curled herself up next to his good arm, wrapping her arms around her knees. He was right, she would need to sleep, even if it was nodding off for a few minutes at a time. But she couldn't take her eyes off the opening to the loft. Even after she had worked her absolute hardest to pull the ladder up with her, the thought of seeing something poke a gnarled, nightmarish head up and look at her-
"Thena."
She inhaled sharply. She was falling asleep by the second. Her head tilted and she nearly flinched at the dry, borderline icy look Gil was giving her. "I'm fine."
"I'm not asking you to sleep," he pleaded with her. His good hand moved until he could tug at the shirt of his she was wearing. "Just lie down, please."
She buried her nose in the collar of it. In truth, she was exhausted, and being tired made her feel cold. But more than that, this shirt smelled like Gil, and their room at the hospital. And she needed to feel that, right now.
Thena shifted her weight, lying down next to him, still basically curled in the fetal position.
Gil was most certainly straining his eyes to look at her. But he smiled. "Feels like old times, right?"
Times when she would be unable to sleep because she had something far too precious to protect? Yes, it did feel remarkably like that. It felt like when she watched him sleep the entire night after he got grazed by a bullet, or when she watched him sleep as his fever get worse and worse.
Sometimes she still woke up from that nightmare, unable to stop herself from checking if his forehead was hot.
The thought spooked her again. The next time she fell asleep she probably wouldn't flinch awake after a few seconds again. Gil was lying flat on his back, his eyes closed. His breathing seemed even. She shimmied closer as best she could. Just once more couldn't hurt.
She touched the back of her hand to his forehead; no fever. She leaned up and touched her lips to his cheek; a little scruffy, but warm and living. With that, she could lie down beside him, not resting on him but pressing her forehead to his arm, just to have some contact with him. This was the only way she could rest.
Tomorrow, she could worry about getting Gil home again.
#Thenamesh Zombie AU#thank you so much for the ask!!!!#I hope this is something like what you had in mind#the vibe for this au is actually one of my faves because it's kind of evolved#but it still needs to feel very real in that it's still the apocalypse#of course Gil gets to know people at the hospital and chats with people at lunch and on runs#RIP Bill the Sharon Davis of the Zombie AU#the doors are barred up#Thena wakes up tomorrow still a little on edge#none of them have slept enough but they need all the daylight they can get#Thena helps Gil down the ladder VERY carefully#it's not easy#Kingo follows behind while she and Ikaris make sure they have a clear path back to the road#once they get back to the cars they can breathe a little easier#Kingo and Ikaris go in one#Thena gets Gil loaded up into the other with what they managed to salvage#she drives him back#the pain is really setting in now that the shock and adrenaline are gone#she speeds back to the hospital and Ikaris tells her off for it later#but Gil finds Bill's girlfriend and apologizes in tears#Thena offers what she can#she went back and retrieved Bill's bag#what remained of it anyway#Gil thinks it's sweet of her because she's not usually sentimental like that#she says only to make you feel better now go to Ajak#Thena watches over him extra close for the next few weeks#also yes she checks his forehead almost every night especially if she can't sleep#it's her comfort paranoia okay?
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#clark connors#alex coughlin#david finlay#gabe kidd#drilla moloney#dan moloney#bullet club#bullet club war dogs#njpw#gifs*#njpw gifs*#clark connors*#gabe kidd*#finlay*#bullet club*#war dogs*#this set was absolute pain#so reblogs are extra appreciated thank you
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Totally understand where anon was coming from and that there are cultural boundaries, but just to clarify, even in deep romance Mori still wouldn’t want to be called Kaito even in private by MC?
I do think there's a point where it becomes appropriate and more comfortable for mori but it's a Really Far Down the Line thing. Like I know he's not really the type to set heavy weight on marriage but I think he has to really trust MC is there for the long haul and is committed to putting in the work a really long term relationship needs. I also think it would probably be after MC has the opportunity to meet his family too. Mori chronically tries to keep ALLLL his emotional baggage and conflict out of his day to day life so it will be a long journey to the point where he feels that open with MC but I do think it could happen, especially with an MC who's patient and hits it off with his dad when they finally meet him. So not a Marriage Only thing but it definitely requires a significant milestone in commitment.
#thank you for asking!#mori#also like mori doesnt introduce his partners to his family basically ever so#its a progression of him realizing youre serious about him#to him trusting you with his deeper emotions and pain#to him trusting you enough to interact with his dad/family#i think after that he would be comfortable with letting you test drive his given name maybe#though he will likely have stipulations about when and where it should be used#i think its extra hard with him cause hes so prone to burying complicated or painful feelings?
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A few months back, I had a nasty bike accident. Since then, I've broken an ankle (unrelated to bike accident), and it's healed up and is only occasionally a little stiff. But the shoulder injury from my bike accident is still giving me grief. Joint/muscular injuries are seriously no joke.
#i wish it didnt affect my quality of sleep so much#im able to get some extra medical attention on it thanks to work benefits but its been months and i still cant sleep on my one side#ive had ongoing pain in my shoulders from previous work injuries and i think im making peace with the fact that its here to stay
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🎬: About Es being a past prisoner and the secret 11th prisoner in your AU. But advance apologies if I'm overstepping into your AU!
I had this idea from a story that pretty much did the same thing. Going off there are novels/manga on Milgram and there being another Es and their own prisoners running another Milgram (but differently) I imagine this Milgram projects has been going on for a while, and our Es was from a previous project who might have gotten the worst verdict (or the most spared out of everyone), and was given this final task as a warden for the next group of prisoners. This is why they so readily agreed and had their memories wiped for this Milgram project instead of being weary on a shady project on judging an almost crime, they've already been through this.
(BTW is it bad and worrying for one of our ten fav prisoners to be the next Es if this is legit...)
Anyway, that's why Es is in Milgram in your AU, I guess? And the lore drop that Kotoko picks up on them being the 11th prisoner, I can imagine her also talking to Kazui since he's a policeman to see if she could cross out any theories on who Es is (Did they look familiar. Possible missing child. Any cases to do with an almost crime by a child other than the 10 of them here). Kazui knows Kotoko wants to investigate, but reminds her that, like in their prison while the trial is on, the facilities they're in have high security too. They do have the freedom to move about, but still limited.
If they're trying to investigate Es, maybe Fuuta, Kotoko and Mikoto can try to do the hacking on the comp Mikoto's allowed to use to Photoshop some shots for the MVs and photos (Fuuta and Kotoko seem to be able to search up info they need I think...). Yuno, Mahiru and Muu can work on charming the staff to see if they can spill more deets on Milgram. Not sure how much the group can gather, but oh boy fun times in Milgram can turn into another sort of stress in this AU...
No worries!! Like I said before, this whole au has been a fun collaborative project, so there's no overstepping :) I am sorry I won't be writing a lot on the ending until we get more info, but that's just the perfectionist in me who doesn't want to be proven wrong 😅 Still, I love tossing around and digging into ending scenarios, I really love this!
Because that would make a lot of sense why they're so willing to subject themself to the whole experiment! They remember how tough their experience was, and are confident they can care for the new set of prisoners while doing their job. I'm imagining they get the opportunity to return as guard, and get to have a nice talk with their own guard first. Once they fully understand what it's like, they're know they can handle it and sign up. It adds a bit of drama, too, since they must have been really young committing their crime in order to complete a years-long experiment prior to this one. They would have been like 10? Oof. (Now I wanna see their three trial songs 👀)
And like you said, that also brings up the question of the new warden. Though I think it's based on verdict results, I can just picture Jackalope keeping an eye on everyone during filming. He studyies their interactions and personalities, keeping his own set of notes on who would make a good successor. (I'm not going to go through every character but there are pros to any choice, it's very fun picturing them all taking the job.) Haha, on the other hand, maybe the reason Kotoko keeps bringing up her role as Es' partner/bringer of justice is because she did discover the truth. She drops as many hints as possible so she can be chosen next 😅
Ooh, I love her working with Kazui on an investigation! The fact that eh may know details on recent crimes (and almost-crimes) is super fun to work with. He's the last person who's going to spill a secret, so the group could go several trials without realizing Kazui had actually heard all about their situation this whole time.
(Getting sidetrack for a sec, I'm suddenly realizing that he and Kotoko may have heard things about the crimes in canon, too. They're a bit unclear about how much time passed between the murders and arriving to Milgram, so maybe he heard some things. I don't know how well-connected Tokyo police departments are, but Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Shidou are all nearby. There's definitely a chance he caught word of the vigilante nearby, and she heard about the odd policeman's suicide. Both of them could have heard about the tragic housefire, the disgraced doctor, or horrible schoolgirl murder nearby.)
Anyway, I like that idea of Kazui wracking his brain for any similar cases. Though, if he had, Milgram may have had the foresight to wipe parts of his memory, too. Maybe he does end up using his call to reach out to Hinako and have her look into it from the outside. Sadly, Kotoko seems the type to sacrifice her personal call to reach out to a connection who can help as well. I'll have to think about how closely Jackalope monitors those calls, hm.
I'm going crazy over prisoner investigation team !! Kotoko and Fuuta had the online knowledge to find some good info, and Mikoto and Kazui seem like they'd have a huge network of people they can ask for info and favors from. Haha, I'm torn whether Mahiru would have flirting down to a science or if she'd refuse to do it since it wasn't real love 😂 Still, she's very good at reading people and could definitely help the others charm and bribe their way into some restricted areas. Amane and Haruka can also charm with their innocence/cuteness (though I'm not sure Amane would). Shidou seems very organized, he'd have a plan and backup plan and backup-backup plan ready, no matter what happens. I think it's even funnier, then if Milgram had run several experiments prior. Jackalope would think this was just another runthrough, and for the first time the ten subjects decided to organize together and Cause Problems.
I think there's a beautiful irony in a story featuring ten prisoners planning a jailbreak to save the prison guard...
#milgram#as always thank you for sending 🎬!! these are so fun and big brained ough#lol yeah a fun fact about me is im Such a stickler for canon even in aus like this#the pain of writing a mahiru x boyfriend fic and doing the whole thing without ever saying his name 💀#so i wrote the last chapter of the au as vague as possible so that it had a nice ending but i may go back to make things more accurate when#t3 ends and we (hopefully) find out who es is#i love that this eases some of the pain knowing that es knew exactly what they were getting into :')#and wont be too fucked up upon getting their memories back since they knew it was faked#while also adding extra angst that theyve been there for so long -- theyve spent so much of their childhood within milgram#i was just recently looking at that post about their character locations and had it all marked out on a map#i swear i dont just know that off the top of my head asdfsd#i never realized kazui and kotoko would have outside knowledge >:0#i really love that concept#between the ten of them they hit so many skill sets -- theyve got the brain and the brawn and the people skills#theyve got intimidation and innocence#theyve got the experience of 40yos and up-to-date kids#theyd be unstoppable -- rip jackalope 😂😂😂#lights camera sing your sins#ask
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EXAM COMPLETED
#dizzyisms#HARDEST ONE OVER WITH. FUCK YOU FRENCH I WANNA LIKE YOU BUT YOU CAUSE ME SO MUCH PAIN#theoretically I could've/should've waited till a few hours before the actual deadline tomorrow#and spent the rest of today studying so I could go at it fresh first thing#but alas I am stupid and impatient and got too in my own head about it w parents prodding me n just went Fuck It We Ball#brave for someone who never even properly finished taking the last unit's notes#but thank fuck prof FINALLY acknowledged my disability accommodations n gave me a whole extra hour#I kinda left most of the last section blank but w/o that time it would've been more like half blank
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