#thank you to the person who put the extra chapter on tumblr too

[thesweetcanadianpanda]

I just finished reading Red White and Royal Blue and... damn that is just a complete book full of love. Thank you Casey❤️🏳️‍🌈

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 23, Undressed - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions: of drug use, drug dealing, stripping, prostitution, drug overdose, seizures, organized crime.

Word Count: 1.6k

Previously On...: After using your quick wit and computer skills to get you both out of a sticky situation, Tony offered you a job, and a beautiful friendship was born.

A/N: And we are ON THE MISSION! Welcome to Atlantic City, besties!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

The Wiggle Room was nothing like Beantown Burlesque, of that you were certain. For a stripclub, Beantown had still managed to cater to a relatively upscale clientele, demanding exorbitant cover charges, selling overpriced drinks, and charging a premium for lap and private dances– hell, Tony Stark had gone there. And they never, ever, encouraged you to take on any ‘extra’ services for customers. Sure, clients asked, but girls were fired for accepting, and if a client wouldn’t take your ‘no’ for an answer, Beantown’s bouncers were more than happy to send them flying out the door on their asses.

You quickly learned that The Wiggle Room played by an entirely different set of rules when a customer asked if he could snort a line of coke off of your ass during your first shift. Everyone, it seemed, was high on some kind of drug, customers and coquettes alike. It made it surprisingly easy to get information out of people without rousing too much suspicion onto yourself.

Within the first two weeks, you and Sam were able to uncover that most, if not all, of the missing women you were investigating had either been, or tried out to be, dancers, bought drugs, or prostituted themselves out of the club. You were definitely in the epicenter of the disappearances. You positively had the where, but you were still far from discovering the why and the who.

You and Sam had set up a temporary caseboard in the dining nook of the apartment you were using as your safehouse. The two of you had already been good friends, but playing a couple at the club and sharing tight accommodations had intensified the power of your bond, and as you sat in front of the caseboard eating your Chinese takeout together, you couldn’t help but rib one another.

“Lavender definitely has a thing for you,” you pointed your chopsticks at him, referring to one of the club’s older dancers, who, at 45, had taken a shine to the Falcon from the moment he’d taken his position as member of the club’s security team.

“Well, can you blame her?” Sam said, slurping up the noodles of his lo mein. “Hard to resist a good piece of dark chocolate, and Ole Sammy’s a fine box of Godiva.”

You wrinkled up your face. “Okkkay,” you said, “ignoring the fact that there’s so much gross in that statement that I don’t even know where to begin, should I give her your number, then?”

Sam nearly choked on his food. “Absolutely not!” he coughed. “She’s got six kids!”

“Wow, Samuel,” you said, pretending to be offended on Lavender’s behalf, “I didn’t realize you were prejudiced against single moms. Does Sarah, know that fascinating tidbit about you?”

“Nuh-uh, Baby Girl. Don’t you go tryin’ to put words in my mouth. I got nothin’ against single moms– they’re the backbone of this country– but Lavender’s also got six baby daddies she doesn’t know how to quit. I ain’t lookin’ for that kinda drama in my love life, thank you very much.”

You took a bite of your chicken & broccoli. “Fair point,” you conceded. “I’ll allow it.” Sam tipped his head to you in his thanks. 

You let your attention drift back to the board. In addition to photos of the missing women, you’d also managed to populate it with a combination of ID photos and mugshots of the club’s employees and management. As you’d learned the identities of your coworkers, you’d been able to piece the hierarchy of the organization together, but you only got as far as the club’s owner, Vladimir Kozlov. When you’d sent his name and some covert photos back to the Tower, you hadn’t been surprised to receive word back from Natasha that Kozlov had, at one point, been a low-level thug in the Russian mob. What you hadn’t yet been able to decipher, however, was how he kept the club afloat. According to your research, the Wiggle Room was hemorrhaging money, its expenses far surpassing its recorded income, yet Kozlov dressed himself in the finest European suits and drove a seemingly never-ending rotation of sports cars that would rival Tony’s. 

You and Sam had both come to the shared conclusion that Kozlov didn’t have the brain cells to run a successful, let alone lucrative, criminal operation on his own, and therefore, there must be silent partners involved in the club that you’d not yet been able to identify. The drugs that were sold out of the club could account for some of its income, but not nearly enough. 

“I’ve got an idea,” you said, turning back to Sam.

“Why do I feel like someone just walked over my grave when you said that?” he asked you with an exaggerated shiver.

You cocked your head. “Probably because it’s a terrible one.” Nibbling on your lower lip, you debated whether or not to tell him. He was going to hate it, but you couldn’t think of a better way to get closer to Kozlov’s inner circle. “I think I should start buying drugs from Kozlov’s men.”

The look Sam gave you was withering. “Pocket,” he warned, “that’s an actual crime.”

“I’m not going to do them, Sam!” You put down your carton of rice. “I just need to make them think I am. Kozlov keeps the girls that buy from him close– he likes how they come to rely on him. I think it gets his rocks off to have them be dependent on him. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he lets things slip in front of them because they’re too strung out to pay attention.”

Sam seemed to consider your proposal. “I don’t like it, Baby Girl,” he said. “It sounds dangerous. What if he tries to take advantage of you?”

You held up the silver bangle that served as your distress signal. “Then I call for the calvary,” you said. “I won’t actually be high, so I’ll still have my wits about me.”

“So, you think you know enough about gettin’ high to fake it in front of a bunch of drug dealers?” Sam asked, clearly thinking you were overestimating your acting abilities. 

You puffed a breath out of the corner of your mouth. “Yeeeeah. So, here’s the thing… I might have spent a good chunk of my teen years on a variety of illegal substances.”

Sam’s eyebrows went comically high. “Come again for Dark Chocolate?”

How to be truthful yet maintain your sense of dignity here? “Everyone at the Tower knows how my childhood was rough, yeah? That my parents were shit? And that’s the reason I don’t have anything to do with them?” Sam nodded. This much of your past, at least, was common knowledge, and you were more or less keen to leave it that way. “Alright, so, part of that shit was that my mom and her boyfriend were drug addicts. Mom preferred meth and booze, but the boyfriend was less discriminate. He’d do anything if it got him high enough. When he needed me to… let’s say ‘behave,’ he’d give me something, whatever he had on hand. Weed, MDMA, coke, benzos, Special K, opiates. Really didn’t matter to him. The drugs made me easier to control. So, I know how to act like I’m high, because I’ve been high. A lot.”

The look in Sam’s eyes morphed from disappointment at your idea to horror at your revelation. “Fuck. Baby Girl, I had no idea.” You couldn’t meet his gaze; unlike your past as a stripper, this was something you were deeply ashamed of.

“It’s fine, Sam,” you told him, picking your food carton up again just to give you something to focus on. “It was a long time ago.

“What made you stop?” he asked, no judgment, just genuine sincerity in his question.

“Same thing that saved the rest of my sorry ass,” you shrugged, playing with the flaps of the paper carton. “Tony. By that point, though, it was mostly just Adderall to focus on school work and so I could stay awake to take more shifts at the club, and weed for when the Adderall wouldn’t let me sleep.”

“One time, I took too much Adderall to cram for a final, and I had a seizure. Tony had to take me to the hospital, and he was furious– I’ve honestly never seen him so mad. Trust me when I say it made his fight with Cap look like a playground spat. I thought for sure he was going to wash his hands of me. I wouldn't have blamed him.”

The memory of it played through your mind, the sheer disappointment in Tony’s eyes as the doctors told him what they’d found in your system. 

“But, the thing was, Tony blamed himself, said he’d put too much pressure on me. Kept saying he was turning into his father, and he couldn’t have that. So, instead of tossing me out on my ass like he should have, he got me help.”

Sam’s mouth hung open. “I’m sorry, but I think we know two different Tony Starks. This altruism does not jive with the man I work with.”

You smiled and shrugged your shoulders again. “Not my fault he likes me better than you, Samuel. I am a lot cuter.”

“Debatable,” Sam replied before taking a swig of his beer. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “If you don’t think it’s gonna be too much of a temptation for you,” he said after a pause, “I think the drug-buying might work. We can give it a shot, at least.”

You sipped your iced tea. “Won’t be a problem, Sammy. The girl who constantly did that stuff is gone, and she’s not coming back.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[scoonsaliciousupdates]

Unwanted: Chapter 26, Unsurprising - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, discussions of death, human trafficking, guilt and forgiveness.

Word Count: 666 (oops!) 😈

Previously On...: Bucky bought you a new mattress so you wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of your old one <3

A/N: More conversation

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

Later, after he’d helped you remake the bed with the new comforter and sheet set he’d bought for you (or rather, one of three different sets he’d bought, wanting you to have a choice), you’d sat him down in the livingroom and painstakingly went over the details you and Sam had managed to put together of your case so far.

“And that brings us to Chloe,” you said, sadly pinning up a copy of the girl’s autopsy photo you’d hacked from the coroner’s files onto your now crowded caseboard. “She’s their latest victim. Whomever they sold her to, he was vicious and he didn’t waste any time. It was only three days after they took her that her body showed up.”

Bucky nodded in understanding. “That’s the girl you mentioned last night,” he said. “The one you said you lost. Pocket, you gotta know that wasn’t your fault, right?”

You took in a shaky breath. “How can it be anything other than my fault, Bucky? I was right in the fucking room when they took her, but I was too strung out to notice what was happening right in front of my face!”

Bucky stood up and walked toward you. For a second, you thought he was going to hold you again, but at the last moment, he seemed to reconsider, instead opting to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “You said you did that extra line so that other girl wouldn’t have to,” he said, his voice soft and calm, lacking any ounce of blame. “Seems to me like you found yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no real way out. You couldn’t have known they were planning on taking a new girl that night.”

“But I should’ve suspected it, planned for it,” you said, not wanting to be let off the hook for your failure. “I let myself get sloppy, get stupid, and a girl fucking died because of it!”

This time, Bucky did hold you again, and you let him. “We all make mistakes, love,” he said softly. “Sometimes they're small, like leaving the milk out overnight, but sometimes they're huge, and there’s no undoing them. No matter how badly we want to.” A shift in his tone told you he wasn’t just speaking of your mistakes now, but his own, as well. “We can spend the rest of our lives beating ourselves up over them, hating ourselves, but it’s never gonna change what we did. The only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, so we make sure we never make them again.” He pulled back and brushed a strand of hair out of your face. “And make amends to the people we’ve hurt along the way.”

You sniffled, hearing what he was saying, but not knowing how it could work for you. “But how do I make amends to a dead girl, Bucky?”

“By making sure she’s the last one they ever hurt,” he said resolutely, as if he had all the faith in the world in your ability to stop this trafficking scheme. “By not giving them an opportunity to hurt anyone else like they hurt her.”

You used the sleeve of Sam’s sweatshirt to wipe away some of the snot that was unattractively running down your nose. You’d have to make sure you washed it before you got it back to him.

“Okay,” you said, feeling a new sense of resolve blanket over you. You couldn’t absolve yourself from what you’d done, but you could make amends, and that gave you hope that one day, you might be able to forgive yourself. And then, if you could eventually learn to forgive yourself for this, did that mean that one day, you could forgive Bucky, too?

You shook the thought from your head, not wanting to let your emotions for him cloud your need to see this mission through to the end. “Well then,” you told him instead, “we better get to work.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[natsumiheart]

Ever since I met you.

…Hello world! Lmao

Hi, I'm Natsumi, and I'm wondering who is even reading this but if you are, welcome to a very long post about how I got into Tears of Themis, how it helped me through such a hard time, and how I ended up falling in love with a certain detective.

I made this post for an event on hoyolab but I’m posting it here too in my trashcan! I already wanted to have a post documenting this online just for myself, even if in the future I cringe while reading it, I can look back and remember the emotions I felt through the year. I also wanted to share it with the world so that maybe people will feel like me, or come to appreciate this character that I love so much as much as I do. (you’re free to reblog btw!)

Warning: This post is mostly about Luke!

It contains spoilers about some Luke cards and some spoilers for his Blossom Chapter. There are small scenes from episodes 2 and 5 of main story as well. Oh, and Artem and Luke 2nd anniversary cards.

If you are here because you’re interested in learning or reading more about Luke and do not care much for the rest, I recommend the interlude, part 6, and The end: part 1. The other parts also talk about Luke and his stories but those are the most important in my opinion.

Due to Tumblr’s 30 image per post limit, this will be divided into 3 parts, each part added with a reblog.

______________________________

Index because this post ended up incredibly long so here are the parts laid out to read anything you’re interested in!

> Part 1: Introduction

(How did I learn about this game?)

> Part 2: Contact

(Getting the game)

> Part 3: The Beginning

(Starting the game and first impressions lol)

> Part 4: Falling

(FOR LUKE AHAH)

> Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

> Part 5: Obsession

(How and why did this obsession start?)

> Part 6: Reflection

(Thinking back on Luke’s personality that attracted me)

> The end: Memories

(Extra memorable moments)

______________________________

Part 1: Introduction

I play Genshin (shocker) and I have some online friends who play it as well, so when Tears of Themis came out globally since it's made by Hoyoverse as well, most people who played genshin went to check it out. I discovered Tears of Themis through those people, and I was recommended the game by my online friends.

What was my response?

“I have no phone storage.” AAHAHAH, yes. I'm not a day one player. I only started during the second anniversary because back when the game came out despite being interested I could not play because I did not have any device that could handle the game. My phone could not handle Genshin's size either, it's not compatible to begin with- I played Genshin on the PlayStation [emoji]

However I did not forget about the game, I was just hoping that somehow one day, a miracle will happen and I will be able to play mobile games like other people LOL but what are the odds of that happening?... Well, a miracle happened 2 years later.

Bonus: I had a little beef at the time with Artem because I kept thinking drawings of him were actually of Jumin who is a very well written character I love like crazy from mystic messenger since 2016 BWAHAHA

Every masterpiece.. has its cheap copy.. IM JKJK PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN AHAHA

______________________________

Part 2: Contact

So one day I was visiting my aunt's house and met my cousin's acquaintance. I met the guy for like.. only 2 hours and during those hours my cousin told him about how I draw digitally but I have been drawing on an 8 year old phone that stays alive for like 30 mins at a time AHHAHA

The guy was like “That's it, I'm getting you an iPad to draw on.” I laughed, thinking he was joking- but then 2 days later I received TWO iPads, one for me and one for my little sister! W t f. Angels do exist on earth? And I was never able to thank him in person because he's a busy guy who only visited my village and I never saw him again o.o

Can you guess what I started doing when I got it? Download a bunch of games I wanted to try throughout the years but couldn't! Among them was Tears of Themis. My house didn't have the best Internet and had a couple hours of electricity a day so I downloaded it very slowly at my aunt's house.

I remember so clearly about how I sat next to my sister as I was downloading the game, and it started playing the second anniversary promotion video since it was starting during that time. At first I was like “aww, they proposing!” but suddenly things turned spicy and I almost dropped the iPad from my hand HAHA.

I did not know what to expect going into this game because I stayed away from spoilers and videos about it since I knew I wanted to get into it myself one day (I was interested in the main story). It made me sad too to be honest because I wanted to play it but couldn't, so I avoided it for years.

I however, did not expect at all that the game would get THAT spicy LMAO my sister noticed my reaction and she was like “What's up?” And I was like “you cannot see this” though she is older than the game’s age rating AHAHHA

______________________________

Part 3: The beginning

I was so excited getting into this game! When I started I was incredibly hooked to the main story, and at the time.. hear this.. I had a bias towards Artem because he looked like Jumin AHAHA

I was honestly more interested though in the main story than the boys, because the boys didn't make me feel much at the time- I do not have a “love at first sight” I never had that kind of experience for real life people or fictional people. (Anyone can experience it, and that's valid! It's just for me personally that never happens.)

After knowing characters and learning more about them, that's when sometimes- I fall in love with them as a character, they end up giving me so much happiness just seeing them, they give me comfort.. And they fill up my sketchbooks HAHA is this love romantic? Usually no, that's very rare!

I did not feel much for Artem (turns out the only thing he and Jumin have in common were their looks and being socially awkward, shocker-) but I had a little interest that led to me pulling for his second anniversary card when I started being able to wish. I lost- and got a standard Artem, but then I won and got his card LMAO you can get a lot of wishes starting off. However I was doing the stories of the standard SRs, along with the main story and someone.. someone was warming up a lot to my heart.

______________________________

Part 4: Falling

The boys were all very interesting and lovely characters! (The NPCs as well!!)

Artem, despite how he comes off at work, is actually just a shy guy who is bad at communication outside of work.

Vyn is actually a very interesting and well written character being very different than the rest of the cast due to his unique upbringing (honestly? His family feels like a cult, bro literally is running from a cult) and you learn more about his own psychology the more you get to know him.

Marius is literally just an artist who wants to chase the life he wants but is hindered by responsibility and his position.

And Luke- Luke stole my heart LOL

First off, he's a detective and I've already confessed online to having a thing for detectives by a drawing- that starting since I was a kid and I watched detective conan🧍‍♀️his introduction chapter.. was very interesting. It was literally the first episode, Rosa clearly knows and cares about this character right off the bat you're like hmm? What was this guy doing for 8 years? Why did he show up now after so long? Almost making him suspicious even. But he and Rosa seemed so close despite it all.

After that Luke had started showing up in the story here and there, a moment that made me go “ohh.. what a cool guy.” Was when after Marius’ case in episode 2, he shows up on a bike like “get in we outta here” and saved her from all the reporters.

His theme plays at this scene.. my heartttt

Revealing he'd been watching her and the case from afar and was literally waiting for her to get out and get her away.

I started reading the standard SRs, the first one I did was “Among the great blue” which honestly I recommend everyone doing again because I bet you all do not remember Luke saying this about Jellyfish

The card made me go *the rock eyebrow raise* GAHAH and at the time I was all innocent, not knowing anything about what Luke was going through, so when Rosa woke up and did not find him sleeping next to her (after she invaded where he's supposed to be sleeping lmao) and Luke was hunched over like “I'm fine I just accidentally swallowed gum lol” I actually believed him 💀 there were signs, but it would fly over a player's head until things are revealed ON THE FIRST FREAKING ACT OF HIS PERSONAL STORY and suddenly everything makes sense. Wow.

When I started personal story, I was just starting it because starting all of them is part of the “Rookie tasks” event you get when you start the game. Only to be punched in the gut immediately.

This is LITERALLY what you’re greeted with when you start his story 💀

I was starting to warm up to this guy and you're telling me.. he's sick and planning to leave us.. omg.

I got to choose one limited SR from the Rookie event, and I thought Luke looked adorable so I picked his card "A star in the palm" and the story.. omg that card, I'm weak. Everyone needs to see it, READ IT!

It’s illegal to be BOTH handsome and adorable smh

After that I started WANTING to do more Luke stories so I did the other standard SRs “Radiant Sunlight”, “Timely Rescue”, “Inner Sanctum”. They were all so good, my favorite being Inner Sanctum for how much it messed with my heart.

Dude is literally falling and he STILL makes sure to protect her.

I- was dying. I started pulling for Luke's anniversary card, starting to regret my choice going for Artem's. But he wouldn't come-

So I went back to main story because that's how you get the most schips, and guess what- I had reached episode 5…

______________________________

Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

The way episode 5 starts, Luke joins the NXX and Rosa is incredibly surprised seeing him there introducing himself as an agent from the NSB. Meanwhile Luke… is mad.

At first he can't believe Artem would even make her do this but she confirms to him that it was her decision, and then he spills the truth about his identity, and about where he's been the past 8 years. He apologizes, for lying, for planning to leave her again, for everything.

And then this happens.

You guys, this scene made me go straight up insane. You can tell how much he had cared and loved her for all these years, and how his biggest fear is literally the main character getting hurt or something happening to her. I felt so emotional over it, that after this act I started DESPERATELY pulling for his card and I finally- finally got it

Episode 5 BTW is one of my favorites in the main story, it is 3 parts because it's THAT good. It's when people will start seeing what Luke is as a character, what's beneath the surface you see in episode 1. (Also this episode introduced the best character: Hugh Moss AHAHH)

The parallel between Rosa, and Jasmine (the reporter whose case you investigate), was not lost on me. That reporter died trying to expose the truth which is exactly what Rosa has been trying to do. I think the entire chapter literally is showing you why Luke is so scared of her continuing the path she's in.

But you know what's the best part? He's freaking terrified, yet he never forces her to leave. He says this:

People keep saying Luke is a red flag that keeps trying to control Rosa and her actions and I swear my reaction is always “Are you even paying attention?” Luke never forces Rosa, he only shows he's against it, but he always says he will support her whatever decision she makes.

A similar more light-hearted situation is the story of his summer card “Iridescent Heartbeat” where Luke is afraid of Rosa getting hurt or doing things that are too much for her so he doesn't consider doing things such as Bungee jumping or rafting. But Rosa insists that she wants to do it and when she's visibly afraid later, Luke teases her a bit (LOL)

but then holds her close to him and soothes her saying there's nothing to be afraid of cause he's there.

He encourages her to do what she wants! And when she does indeed get hurt because the rope was too tight around her leg, he does NOT put the blame on her, but on himself-

Y'ALL HOW IS THIS GUY CONTROLLING??

(The scene after kinda got on my nerves cause Rosa got “angry” that he’s not his usual “cheerful self” like girl I love you but please- can’t you see how much you getting hurt affects him? She pretends that she’s angrier than she actually is making Luke apologize over and over like 💀 but tbh it was also funny, I don’t like how she handled it but it was funny lol)

When they go rafting Luke lets Rosa take the lead and he will follow her because she wanted to prove to him that he doesn't need to plan everything, however Rosa's plan backfires, things go horribly wrong and she can't figure out how to get the raft to go straight. Luke again, does not reprimand her in any way and only helps her so she can do what she wants. Later on even after they've fallen off the raft and onto the water he immediately holds her and takes her up to the surface so worried like “are you okay???” And despite all that, he says she's right. That she's always right and he will stop trying to plan and go more with the flow. 

Luke never tried to control Rosa, he just loves her so much that he does not want to ever see her in pain or sad. He wants her to be the happiest girl in the world.

So who is Luke? Luke is the coolest mf, a guy that always jumps into action to help others with a heart so damn big that his own emotions slowly destroy him. He has felt an astronomical amount of guilt and regret since childhood- and has cared for and loved the main character just as long. The girl who is the reason he was able to keep his sanity, the girl who he always wanted to protect, and the girl who is the reason he is still here today. 

I wholeheartedly believe that without Rosa in his life, Luke would've ended up completely different, if still alive at all.

Bonus: I remember people being like, the characters have gemstones that match their color in the proposal ring, so why does Luke have Ruby instead of something like Topaz? This is why.. the ruby in the ring represents Rosa (getting emotional over here omg) and honestly that ring is freaking insane because not only did he design and make it and its box by himself for years.. but a ruby is inside the key that Rosa gave to him.

Remember how Luke when you click on the key in visit says “I wear it like this to have it as close as possible to my heart” now look at the key.. if the Ruby is Rosa, and Luke’s heart is the key, do you see what he conveyed in that ring? Yea, I’m crying too. 

______________________________

Part 5: Obsession

I have a bit of an obsession problem, I've been obsessed with stories, games, or characters and that obsession can last years of my lifetime. And it's understandable, when you're going through terrible things in your life, you get attached to what makes you feel happy and you hold on to that feeling. That's what starts that obsession.

When I got the second anniversary Artem card I did the story immediately and it was.. it was alright. Artem wants to propose, but in his attempt to keep it all secret distances himself too much and gets Rosa worried, but then wow! He proposes with the help of his coworkers and happy ending + things get a bit spicy at the end. 

But I felt like.. like I'm getting deja vu AHAHA like I've seen this kind of story a million times before. (Probably cause I did from watching a bunch of kdramas and having consumed a bunch of stories from a lot of media) It did not exactly get me to feel anything much, I'm sure it's different for Artem stans though having him propose after probably following his story for 2 years XD good on you guys have fun with your mans! 

For me though who had just started, it did not have that much of an effect. After I got the Luke anniversary card I was excited and went into the story oh so innocently not knowing back then that Luke cards are honestly heart wrenching. 

It led to me crying in bed while the sun was rising from the window as Luke says “That's because I love you.”

The way how he blocks the wind from her and lets it hit him instead at that exact moment is freaking PEAK writing.

That card showed me a lot more about this man who is so shackled by his own emotions and circumstance, that he's willing to sacrifice everything even his own wants and dreams for the one he loves.

Have you guys seen that one official art with Rosa posing as Themis? And the boys are represented by the objects around her? Luke is the sword, Artem is the balance, Vyn is the blindfold, and Marius is the snake by her leg.

It starts to make sense why Luke is holding onto her sword to the point of bleeding, he's bleeding yet he looks up to her in absolute devotion not caring for what happens to him and his eyes are only always on her. He’s willing to be her sword, to take all of the pain and protect her so she can be happy.

My life.. has not been what is considered “normal”. I'm not going to give my backstory in this post aHAHAH but at the time when I started Tears of Themis I was going through a very bad point in my life where I was close to have given up completely on my future and accepted my fate as it is. I had shut down completely, and I went back to becoming a shut-in which is honestly something I went through for four years before, it wasn't good. 

When you reach that point, you start becoming apathetic to everything.

Luke however, somehow started making me start having emotions again. Reading and learning about this character was actually affecting me in a way I have not been affected in a long time. He felt.. real, like I could feel his emotions, his love, his despair.

And that's part of why I got so attached to him and he became my comfort, because of him, I started to feel human again.

AHA CRINGE. OK enough with the sadness.

But I'll never forget how much Luke and Tears of Themis helped me keep a grip during those hard months. I'm in a better place now, it's not good- but it's better, and I still just open this game and visit Luke to help me ground myself.

One time after a bad day I accidentally touched him and he said this, I went insane-

I think that says a lot about the state of my sanity AHAHAH 

______________________________

[To be continued in reblog]

[aingeal98]

hello hello! i saw your post and need your thoughts and verdict (hypothetically) for yhk in the last chapter. what would yjh and hsy do once kdj woke up, what if he never woke up and remains unreachable to them after all the effort?

thoughts on doksoo/ joongdok centric and which (poignant) scene makes a neuron lit up and go ah, them. and makes you go crazy, like, every single scene might as well an orpheus and eurydice-d, such as that "cancel your skill, kim dokja"

DHGFVJDFGV sorry you're just such a joy to read on the tags as you go through the story on tumblr since the yhk tags are most often then not, lifeless

Aaaaa thank you for this it's a fun ask! :D

Personally I believe Dokja woke up. Both because I want a happy ending for them and because I wouldn't put it past yoohan to track down and kill everyone who read orv and imagined a sad ending. But also I think him waking up is only the first step. There's no way things aren't complicated afterwards because Dokja will feel guilty for putting his friends through the trauma of losing him and his friends will try and convince him that he deserves love and they don't mind but at the same time the trauma is real and it's there. So it's going to be a long road to helping him forgive himself even if they all have done so already.

I feel like YJH would be pushy at first. Like this is the guy who became a terrorist rather than try therapy. He wants to find meaning through Dokja, to ask Dokja how he's supposed to live now, and that's a lot of pressure that none of the others will want to fall on Dokja's shoulders. Which I think will be good for HSY because it let's her fall into the comfortable zone of yelling at YJH for being terrible at expressing himself and ignoring her own terrible emotions as much as possible in the mean time. So I kind of see it like:

YJH & HSY: Screaming clawing kicking biting each other outside the hospital because HSY thinks YJH is being too pushy with Dokja and YJH thinks he's helping both of them by asking Dokja for guidance and HSY is getting in the way of his recovery.

Sangah, calmly pouring herself and Dokja tea inside his hospital room: So I spoke to your mother today and she'll be here soon! Oh don't worry about those two they'll probably only break a few bones.

But then if he never did wake up... I don't think either of them would be able to truly move on. I think they'd keep hoping that he would get better and the longer he doesn't the more the likelihood grows that one of them snaps and comes up with another reckless life threatening plan to increase the odds of his recovery. I'm not sure what it'd be but I like to think HSY is the one that snaps first this time. Just goes up to YJH like "hey are you ready for me to subject you to more horrendous torment for the slim tiny chance that it could make Dokja wake up" and YJH is like "naturally".

Whether they actually succeed or whether their plan is so terrible and hopeless that Sangah has to step in and force them to accept he's gone (an impossible task but she'll push them as close to the acceptance stage of grief as she possibly can.) I'm not sure. Either way it'd be fun to read about. I haven't looked into the side stories yet but I'm curious if they might make me change my mind about any of this. For now this is how I imagine it going down anyways.

Doksoo are insane and they consume my every waking thought. Reading the webtoon after the novel is so crazy because HSY really shows up as this random villain and no one including her has any idea that she's one of the three most important people in the universe. Like she's just a little fella. A prankster who's pranks sometimes involve murder. And the way she and Dokja are so unimpressed by each other and have no idea how much they'll end up loving each other... I feel like rereading any early doksoo interaction is going to come with extra loud clown music like even Dokja calling her a plagiarist and Sooyoung being like ugh you're such a cliche like oh you dumbasses. You have no idea.

I enjoyed both doksoo and joongdok's early banter a lot like it always added a ton of energy into every scene. But the moments it really clicked for me was the whole reincarnation island arc for doksoo. Like reading his narration about Sooyoung it's like ohhhh my god he's down bad. He's as in love as I am. He doesn't even realise it but he is so enamoured by her. Like that was the moment I could see the potential for them to become as important to each other as they did. The foundation and foreshadowing was done so well, not one bit of their relationship progression felt unearned.

And then for joongdok I think it was their divorce era that really got me on board. Like they were fun in the early stages but once Dokja is convinced there's no going back and is actually emotionally vulnerable and honest with YJH and YJH gets to vent his own frustrations about being nothing more than a character... It really solidified their bond for me. It brought Dokja down to YJH's level rather than the reader he was trying to be to YJH's character. Plus we get HSY dying and traumatising Dokja for once instead of the reverse. It's what they deserve.

Also punisher and transfem YJH and everything that's implied in the novel and how that would add to to her dynamics with doksoo. Haven't gotten any solid thoughts on that yet but the concept is slowly taking a grip on me.

So yeah after the reincarnation island arc I was so fully on board with this ot3 and every single Orpheus moment that followed hit right into my heart.

Sorry this is so long and barely scratches the surface alsjsjdhdh. I'm still processing everything but man. What a story. What a trio. Wretched mirror soulmates with toxic codependency my beloveds.

[imagineitdearies]

Hi dear, I hope you're doing great x

I don't think I'll ever find the right words to express how i feel about PS. I left a comment on the last chapter trying to explain but it'd need 100 pages so I'll leave it like that for now. I just wanted to say that Tyrus x Astarion is my favorite Astarion x OC/Tav/Durge in the whole fandom. I tried to get into many different variations of Astarion x Tav by other artists and authors but none of them felt "right" like yours. Tyrus truly is Astarion's soulmate, be it personality - wise, phisically, spiritually, emotionally. I'm so in love with him it hurts. You really had the fundamentals of Astarion's psychology and needs up your sleeve. And I'm just like Astarion, I have a weakness for sweet turned cruel because love and circumstances and smart characters and my addiction to Tyrus is currently dire. I can't stop re - reading PS and devour any extra content you put out.

Also I especiallly wanted to thank you for portraying SA trauma with such immense respect and maturity since many people have no idea how to do it correctly or worse, they treat it like their personal kink fodder.

I know you're dedicating your time to other projects now and you're already writing Astarion's POV and the drabbles but I was wondering if we'll ever get glimpses of their post - Cazador life? I'd love to know how they'd deal with their past and what they'd do with their regained autonomy and freedom to be individuals again.

Ps: not sure whether this should get asked on ko - fi or tumblr so I did both ahahah. Part of me wishes you could write a sequel, I'm not going to lie

Either way thank you for everything, I'm hugging you

Hi anon 🥰

Thanks so much for this message and for leaving a comment! Thanks to everyone who commented on ch40 btw, I’ve struggled to start responding to them in part because I wanted to have a general edit of PS done first (alas, with moving a decent distance, my job getting busy, and a bit of burnout, I’ve only finished part I), but also because I don’t want it to end really either, even if I know trying to write a sequel wouldn’t be a successful venture for me. Which is why I plan to continue writing “a flawed eternity” one-shots for quite some time to come! My goal of my own accord is to post a drabble at least once a month, though we’ve surpassed that thanks to a couple wonderful ko-fi supporters 🩵 So yes, plenty of post-PS glimpses to come! If you haven’t read them yet check out my pinned post, two of them do feature post-PS times 🥰

I’m so glad my portrayal of trauma and SA resonated and felt respectful for you. As for everything you said about Tyrus…well, it probably comes as no surprise to you all that I love him to death too, and had created him with the express intent to give Astarion a perfect pairing counterpart I didn’t find in the game, personally. It’s so heartwarming that many of you love him just as much too, now—this precious drow lad lives on in our hearts (and the occasional drabble, haha) 🩵🩵

Seriously, I can’t believe it’s been less than two months since PS concluded, I’m definitely not over it still and love chatting with you all about it 🥰 so thanks again for this ask anon, a big hug to you back!!

[m0e-ru]

tohruest adachiest manager's choice experience as compiled by the tumblr branch moel gas station 2023

helloooo my dearest okyakusan my most wonderful customers whether you have a membership card or just passing by. Here is the manager's choice of how to have the most tohru adachi experience ever 📣📣📣

this post will have a breakdown of the whole diagram with highlights, and my own opinions of each medium stated. Otherwise, here's a summary as a list!!

YES!!

Persona 4 (PS2 2008)

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 3 (scattered cameos)

Manga Adaptation (Sogabe)

adachi jumpscare table

Vol. 10; Chapter 54

Vol. 12

Arena Ultimax; Episode Adachi

Arena Ultimax Manga Adaptation (Rokuro Saito special mention!??)

this is a bit cool too

The Golden Animation

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 2; Bonus Drama CD: A Sense of Gratitude

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 4; Bonus Drama CD: Boo ~ I bear a grudge on you ~

The Animation

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 2: You'll understand when you get older

The Golden (PS VITA 2013) (Social Link, new events, etc.)

um

The Golden Animation

Episode 6: See? I told you Yu.

Episode 7: It’s cliché, so what?

Unaired Bonus Episode “Another End Episode”: Thank you Mr. Accomplice

other opinions 

I’ll be linking all available online resources for everything I’ve stated!! If a link is broken or the media is inaccessible, hit me up!! I have my own personal archive.

YES!! segment !! wahoo !!!!! this is where i constantly stuff my nose in whenever i want a good reference on adachis character. AND THEY'RE ALL PERFECT TO ME!! <- about the media

Persona 4 (PS2 2008)

Back to basics everybody!!! Let’s remember who this goofball is from the start. Forget he has a social link and see him be the bumbling fool for plot exposition and the real murderer !!!! Just like how I tell you not to reference the attendant during 3/20, we can put Shadow Adachi’s mannerisms and his influence under literal god aside and try and focus on what that means as symbolism and extra information on Adachi himself!!

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 3

THIS IS A FUN ONE he has scattered cameos throughout the drama and was essentially being dragged around by Dojima.

Basic premise of this volume that it’s sports festival season!! Yasogami’s at it and the IT are participating, as well as Nanako—although she worries that her dad won’t even come to see her and that she wouldn’t even be able to do the family three-legged race.

Adachi’s appearances here are so stupid, he says he was an “elite” then flops trying to help high-schoolers with homework because Naoto’s there. He does his usual begging and whining with Dojima etc etc he also drove Dojima to compete with Nanako after saying the man finished all his reports as fast as possible.

I like this one because it reinforces who Adachi is based mostly from the main game. With the context that fans listening are aware he’s the culprit (or not), they do sprinkle in his “emptiness” (<- no i'm exaggerating it sorry) and bring it to the front of the picture a bit.

Translated Transcript: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14uOTyzic9Ij9DjN4ZRNBLFTcGe0UF-PvX4qMnqcs2Fk/edit#gid=283104639

Available video link: https://youtu.be/p3yDNbczEqg?t=228 (timestamped to 3:49)

Manga Adaptation (Sogabe)

SOUJI SETA TRUTHER COMING IN STRONG also i just adore Sogabe’s adaptation on the game as a whole. While I am Marie lover#1, this manga did begin in 2008, and I like to think it’s the hypothetical that Marie really was expunged completely OKAY WHERE WAS I

As mentioned, this whole adaptation focuses on the game before Golden was ever a thing. No scooters, no extra events, no nothing. Although, Sogabe did write in a bit of Adachi’s Social Link in a context best suited for Souji.

I like Sogabe's take on Adachi in the manner of how he draws him and writes him as a character. It's not as whimsical or lazy like the anime, and the way he took the downhill spiral of the Hospital arc, from November to December, just actually felt like my emotions were ready in the right places. Surprisingly, in every adaptation, I was really enamored to see how Adachi acted differently in each one.

In the manga, he didn't seem as slack jawed as he did in the game at least. He looked like he was trying so hard to act concerned when he he actually feels guilty for everything going down !!! OR MAYBE NOT !!!!!!!

compared to the game, you can really how much he exudes of being so. plastic. ung kaplastikan. and you're mad not because you're stuck with ps2 limitations of three polygons of an arm waving around, but you're mad that he reeks of faking concern. But also unlike the game, you don't understand what's going on anymore because of the things that have transpired in relation to Adachi's character. Which is Sogabe's adaptation of his Social Link with Souji through having dinner with each other.

and Souji doesn’t know him! They share things with one another that one dinner but otherwise, Adachi’s never rambled on about himself as much as he does in a normal Social Link run. There is a different sort of motive with Souji and he wants to some things wrap things up while everything else is falling apart around him. If there’s a chance to help someone, even if he’s only talked thoroughly once or twice and that the other party’s opened up a single time to him, he’s the boy who wants to get through to people either way. What if Souji’s a bit selfish himself and wants to be in control of things when everything in his life and vision are literally blurring as he breathes? (takes place in november when nanako's hospitalized btw)

I love the lack of intimacy between the two, contrary to what majority of the fan base wants or even BELIEVES. Souji is a kid with a year in Inaba, of course he does a million other things with his time than hang out with an adult that’s some kind of darker version of himself and a representation of a possible bleaker future considering how similar they are. 

As for the specific chapters, I think it’s fulfilling to go through the whole manga from the start. Like, forget everything you know about P4 for a second and experience it as fresh as possible. Then you get to Chapter 54 to see Adachi’s condensed Social Link and get to Volume 12 to see things come together. Sure, I start getting a bit iffy with Volume 13 but I enjoy the parallels between the two, genuinely.

i have more stuff locked and loaded but uhmmm yeah 👍

Available manga link: https://manhuascan.me/manga/persona-4-official 

VISUALIVE (stageplay)

you will never see adachi ever act like a cunt like this ever again. he only does it once because hes gay.

i have made a million essays about this this is the foundation of this gas station itself

Available video links to the only things i’ve subbed ever because they’re the most important ones to this fruit’s development:

https://youtu.be/mWRB1dIgFNE

https://youtu.be/QRps3M9uXiw

or you can watch the whole thing because Masami Itou’s portrayal of him is just delightful: https://youtu.be/7oTpjmeD-mk 

Arena Ultimax; Episode Adachi

hahaha. haha. laughs weakly. haha.

I would kindly ask everybody to do this in Japanese dub but otherwise ehmmm yeah ! Episode Adachy. I do enjoy how they try to elaborate how his personalities are coalescing into a single face as he doesnt have to fake around people anymore. Like the fact that his lame humor is still present and he’ll do stupid voices, which makes you wonder if he was always like this or that it’s something he adopted while acting out the last facade he’s done for over a year—or more. 

HE IS SO FUCKING OPINIONATED AND THINKS HES SO COOL he has SO MUCH PRIDE but also he doesnt at the same time. you think hes a soldier surviving in the idgaf war but hes still dying in the mines he planted and crossfire for multiple reasons. hes simultaneously a teenage girl and a man in his late twenties.

Adachi is totally giving a fuck, not just in a white girl bully “I’m better than everyone” kind of way but like he’s totally giving a fuck about a lot of things. “Oh I gotta stop whatever this god has going down for this city in bumfuck nowhere because the case is going to go around in circles and i’ll never serve jail time in peace” how many times has he turned corners in an alleyway maze just by saying this.

hes literally trembling in his shoes with everything happening in that hour but hes just so good at bottling up emotions from others and HIMSELF. Theres only so much he’ll admit in his own monologue—in his own thoughts. That hes aware of things but he’ll never say it out loud even in his own head i’ll tear him apart with my bare hands <- i am just genuinely annoyed he can do this and not me but i should be grateful that i can express myself than be an emotionally repressed asshole 

He finds kids who are mirrors where he sees himself in. One, a goody two-shoes who has it all, the other an actual brat with a fucked up life from loneliness, isolation, and abuse (a million other things). And he’s not annoyed only because he finds similarities between him and them, but the fact that they’re children and they have at least a decade more than his ass which he spent sulking about with.

He’s mad at Bancho because he has his way from the kindness and generosity of his time he’s spent with others, something Adachi didn’t do; in which he could use his situation with his family and education as an excuse, but he never brings that up because as much as he likes seeing others eat shit and he has his way, Adachi also considers himself a fuckup. can you see this irony. So many chances to get out there and socialize, but he stuck his nose in his studies thinking a good future’s already laid out for him—BUT THE BUBBLE POPPED which is what fucking happens when youre in Japanese economic depression after the bubble economy. and you dont bother to leave your comfort zone either EVEN WHEN YOU DONT NECESSARILY like the things youre doing because it’s the only damn thing you’re used to !!!!

He’s sick of Sho because he’s an oversized 10 year old who’s doing the exact same thing Adachi’s done in the past and Adachi is sick of that. he hates himself. and he’ll hate a kid for acting the same way. He’ll project so much he’ll fix another person’s mistakes not out of pure goodness of his heart, but because he doesnt like himself as a person no matter how much he tries to deflect these thoughts in his own head.

Adachi’ll scoff and nitpick Narukami because he doesn’t want to admit this better version of him is better. That he’s not this other guy, but rather, he’s just himself. He complains and whines about Dojima and even says he “hates him,” but is everyone not aware he’s the second biggest tsundere in this series next to Marie at this point. they are COMPETING for that number one title.

no matter how many times he tries to sever connections for the sake of the other party, those bonds are developed enough for the other party to WANT to tie it back together. he doesnt know how to build bridges, but he doesnt know how to properly burn them either. hes sloppy at everything he does. he is gay.

okay sorry about that im sososo dizzy honestly. where was i. i talked about his issue with his Persona before and how it isnt his Persona a million times on this blog sorry i really everything's spinning right now 'and you're still writing an adachi essay?' hushup

Japanese Bubble Economy: https://www.britannica.com/topic/bubble-economy 

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/0TkRLCGqT3g 

Arena Ultimax Manga Adaptation (Rokuro Saito)

this is a bit funny. i read it mostly for Sho like. while i do adore it as very beautiful adaptation. when it comes to adachi uhh. hmm. looks around. the rokuro saito effect. he did mementos mission too if you're wondering and what I mean by this.

I mean he did reinforce Adachi getting proper police training and essentially being above average to the top of his classes (krav maga, shooting accuracy, detectivisms, etc.). His humor and mannerisms are also delightful i think personally with the way they're illustrated and essentially visualized. Rokusai has his quirk for drawing everybody really pretty which he does really well for Persona characters, but it also caught me really off guard when he works on adachi like okay! sho breaking his ribs can fix everything itsok.

Available manga link: https://m.manganelo.com/manga-cn116859

OH now this is the section where im a bit iffy with the characterization here but i still like to reference it sometimes

The Golden Animation

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 2; Bonus Drama CD: A Sense of Gratitude

Adachi doesnt have a big part here he’s literally there to help with the Dojima garden and Narukami plants cabbages for him.

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/1SNKljdyUcY?t=640 (timestamped to 10:40)

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 4; Bonus Drama CD: Boo ~ I bear a grudge on you ~

THIS. this, goodness gracious it was so silly. Adachi’s here for a few segments with Dojima in the pub. Detective yaoi if thats what you’re into I guess. He also sounds a bit cheeky here in speaking tone and the scheme he’s pulling to call Naoto to do their job while Dojima’s knocked out on duty.

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/PasKTZtKx_c?t=720 (timestamped at 12:00)

The Animation

i dont have much to say about the actual anime i dont really watch it, but i respect the Narukami truthers out there. It’s just not for me, nor do I reference it for Adachi at all. why does he look like this

i dont have that much judgement to say if it's good enough to use as reference for Adachi besides it visualizing how much of a goofball he is, I guess I could mention that. I have issues of it depicting lore but otherwise i dont think it's that much different than what the base game pulls besides it different pacing to better fit the animation medium.

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 2: You'll understand when you get older

Not particularly partial with this one because the anime gave Narukami a face, like he’s his own character here. Dojima makes Adachi go to Okina and deliver something because his clown ass forgot to hand it over to the other prefect police who visited within the day. Narukami’s off to go help Ebi stand in line for a makeup promo and Dojima says they can go together. There’s a subplot with the IT where they think Narukami’s being arrested lol so they go follow him throughout the rest of the drama.

Adachi just hangs out with the silly billy that is his boss’ nephew who has so much kindness and generosity that it could get the kid killed one day.

Available Video Playlist Link: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2Wysh6PBhe_jyqxxIcyt_XrW6GcKHRn0 

The Golden (PS VITA 2013)

I scratch my head and wonder what they were going for with Adachi’s Social Link besides the fanservice. I mean thats what they did with akc in royal i guess. <- has my own opinions about this but im closing my mouth.

It feels a bit too… intimate for me? What’s the deal with WANTING to invite him for dinner… without Dojima around either. Like they’re a two in one package for me, you can’t see one without the other most of the time. Like Adachi’s slacking off work while Dojima’s slaving away by himself? I’ve always believed they get off at the same time or something because of the subordinate status.

I did enjoy the Junes segments though, it kind of felt like it was a good placement—if you move things around a bit. Him hiding behind your back while you’re doing groceries so it looks like he’s busy was a bit funny, and him chatting you up while you’re supposed to be busy yourself is also silly if you consider that Bancho himself wants to bail and was just caught into his chismosa and whining. He has enough of a degree of association with you as you’re putting your nose into the murder case and that you’re his boss’ nephew, so that’s kind of why you’re the only few people he can talk to.

(pauses yes or yes ) i also ate ice cream where was I going with this

dont make me talk about the accomplice ending that thing’s pretty corny to me but also unnerving i dont want to think about it alot.

With the way things have gone for Adachi’s new characterization with the added Social Link and the new events for Golden, it personally made me think twice about it all, especially when his TV studio and Shadow self ended up the same. There’s a lot to go about this? (<- deranged) and I will admit that I myself got sucked into the idea that he’s an antagonist and couldn’t truly experience everything right at that point. whoopsie. Then again, looking at it at this point in time after a few years makes me realize yeah maybe this does make a bit of sense! The nature of the fog has changed, which can explain the drastic change in character between Namatame and Adachi. which is an essay for another day I really feel a bit out of it.

The “um” segment. Stuff I dont really like to reference nor put in the pot that makes adachi soup because im really iffy with it and how the writing was taken liberally for the sake of the audience rather than the reinforcement of source material itself.

The Golden Animation

The Adachi centric episodes 6, 7, and the accomplice ending bonus episode lol, as the whole Golden anime was really for Marie and other new Golden add-ons like Okina and scooters and ski trip and etc. 

how do I put this. im really opinionated on this segment it’s okay if you dont take my word for it. I dont like the production quality. The animation is honestly really bad and the artstyle itsnt tasteful with how it’s executed. There’s enough frames of Marie that people looking over my shoulder while I watch would call her Adachi. It really is a boatload of a cashgrab and fanservice that kind of adds new insightful things to the lore but honestly? I don;t trust it. Like the writers forgot what they were writing about and started writing fanfiction of what they originally made.

It did give some insight with Adachi, but I hate how they just made Narukami the way he is for this adaptation. Like the boy does have all the time in world and hes not an overworked high-schooler with so many commitments now he can… make a man dinner and deliver it to him…? I would definitely say “> Adachi doesn't seem to lead a nutritionally balanced life...” and leave it at that, i am not making him dinner i dont have time for that. can someone get this guy a girlfriend please. Don’t get me started how they treated his character development and lore surrounding him overall im sick of it. At least Sogabe made it all look pretty.

anyway here’s the part where i can add my closing thoughts as someone who fills a niche solely because they think and enjoy things so differently than the present majority. I don’t think im mature enough to enjoy things peacefully in a community full of different people but also because im losing the idgaf war myself. I’m glad I can enjoy a media in general and I’m so happy when people can enjoy it with me. (had to stop the cat from clawing on the vacuum he likes the texture apparently) where was I

hold my hand as i go through a hundred coming of age arcs in my life and that one day i wont be as embarrassed as i am now to admit i like tohru adachi as a character and talk about him with a restraint so childish because I dislike how a majority depict him. he’s part of my journey as i learn things about myself as much as mimi but in a more human way because. hes human. or something. one day i can forget his reputation in the community and create all the things i make with pure love that is not fueled by spite to be right and correct. I already know i am right and correct because everyone can enjoy things their own way and find things that they like in one thing that are different from things others like. for now, i will still treat him like an insufferable uncle older brother thing whose arm i periodically chew on until i reach bone and let him carry me back to bed when im tired of being annoyed of him. 

[bluedalahorse]

Hi hello friend! Is there anything you'd like to tell tumblr about the road trip fic?

Hi friend! Thank you for asking!

There are so many things I want to tell tumblr about road trip fic. I will be vulnerable about this for just a minute. I have to admit, there’s a little part of my brain that is maybe taking this assignment too seriously, because it’s wondering what details I could share that would actually draw in an audience without spoiling them too much. I need to let that part of my brain go—the part that wants to figure out how to draw more people toward my controversial rarepair fic when it’s a little bit more of a niche thing that is never going to draw a lot of people—and remind myself that writing for myself is the most important thing when it comes to fanfic. I will admit I am very very bad at internalizing that, but I will also admit that I am working on it.

Next, I was going to share some bullet points, but then I realized I have an initial list of bullet points here. Which I know you saw!

So, I’m going to share some additional bullet points, mostly dealing with inciting incidents plus a few extra bonus facts:

The fic takes place about 8-10 years after canon, with the characters in their late 20s.

Air travel is suspended due to a volcanic eruption, and Sara and August both happen to be in Antwerp at the same time. They drive back to Sweden so they can get to Wille and Simon’s engagement party in time.

At the beginning of the fic, Sara has been living in either Malmö or Copenhagen (I need to decide) for the past five years or so. Simon and Wilhelm and Felice are all in Stockholm, so she enjoys visiting them, but she’s also a little worried they’ve grown closer without her.

As part of Sara’s backstory, she started up a vlog when she was in university, which then became a place where she talked about doing university and 20something life when you’re a person with AuDHD. She built up her skills and was pretty happy with what she was producing for a while. Then PuzzleChildren (a charity that’s basically that awful one you’re thinking of) hired Sara to vlog for them. They were attempting to rebrand after coming under criticism for not hiring autistic people, and at first things looked promising enough and they were offering Sara enough money that she felt confident about it. Sara’s feelings are changing at the beginning of the fic.

Sara has a neurotypical colleague named Hedda who co-hosts the PuzzleChildren vlog with her. Hedda is… well, she means well, she tries to be nice, but she’s problems for Sara all the same. Hedda also used to be an independent vlogger who made videos about how to be a supportive sibling to a person with autism, since Hedda has a non speaking autistic sibling. (As it happens, Hedda and her sibling are now estranged.) PuzzleChildren sells the story of Sara and Hedda as being sort of like, besties who are just like sisters, and they have to roleplay that relationship on the PuzzleChildren videos. Sara is increasingly frustrated with this.

In the first chapter of the fic, Sara is on a panel at an autism conference, and explains that she and Hedda play their relationship up for the cameras, but that it’s not based on reality. She has a brother and a best friend she loves very much IRL, thank you very much. After confessing this, she moves into a space of anxiety, because she knows it’s going to get her in trouble. She wanders off (her conference center shares space with a zoo, so I imagine her wandering off to the zoo portion) and that’s when she first runs into August.

August has just left the monarchy maybe six weeks before the story starts? He has also refused to talk to the press about why, nor has he put out an official statement about that or anything. The rumors, naturally, are out of control.

Later in the fic though, August has found out a secret about Sara that makes her feel pretty vulnerable. She’s having a tough time. They stop the car, get some strawberries at a roadside stand, and eat them while looking out at the sea. Then August tells Sara he’ll tell her why he left the monarchy, as a sort of evening of the playing field.

I won’t tell you why August left the monarchy, but it has something to do with his dad.

Vincent (now divorced) will briefly show up with his preschool aged daughter, who also has ADHD. I’m sort of interested in the existential crisis Vincent could have if he had an ADHD kid and heard himself saying the same things to her his parents said to him, and wanting to stop. It’s a small part of the story but I want to nod to the idea that even he can break his awful cycles.

Honestly? I might write August and Sara as bi4grayro just to spite the anon haters who call them boring because they’re “just straight.” (I mean do we know either of them is 100% hetero? DO WE? I don’t believe it.)

This fic is on hold until January due to grad school. I hope I’ll feel motivated to write it when I’m done!

[wydstepcat]

Me venting a bit. (My personal experiences with Chiaki, and the fandom's perception of her.)

(Posted on Reddit as well, so my bad if some wording is a bit off.)

Hi everyone.

I wanted to make this post to let out some steam and to sort out my mind, and maybe some people here can relate/feel the same.

I want to start off by saying that in no way am i directly targeting someone with this post, or people who have some sort of differing opinion on her, you are allowed to dislike Chiaki, i just feel that the fandom is really downplaying her character.

Anyway, let's start with my initial reactions to Chiaki in both DR2 and DR3. My very first impressions of her was very... Eh. On the very surface to me she looked like a "waifubait" type character, really just made to make specific anime fans happy. I was wrong. I was SO wrong. Those feelings began to change around 2-4, when she became a lot more active and made her presence a lot more well known. The moment where i was like "Please don't die" was during the moment Chiaki convinced Hajime NOT to go in the final dead room. 

It was also during those chapters where i started with her FTE's (although i was kinda late, and i never had the time to finish it). 2-5 was THE moment i shed my first tear in the series, the way they built it up, how the survivors reacted to it, Usami's last words, Sonia's Rebuttal Showdown. it became the most memorable moment in the series for me. And after finishing it a day later, 2-6 extended that.

So, great right? That alone gave me a pretty damn good reason to make her my favorite character just for memorability alone. a few days later i started watching DR3. I was already semi-spoiled by her fate thanks to youtube, but i never watched the full execution to keep that a surprise for me still, good lord, somehow DR3 EXPANDED everything i love about Chiaki and more. Her sense of acting more "human". her friendship with Hajime, and Chisa, just. All of it. And I KNEW the writers knew, which is why they gave her such a cruel fate.

So, those where my initial reactions of Chiaki, and after finishing V3 i was finally unshackled from the horror called spoilers. It was also around this time i started becoming an actual fan of the entire series in general. I made my DR oriented Twitter account, i joined r/danganronpa, and began reading fics (Extra Life is one of the best DR related fan projects i've ever read, seriously.)

But, something was off. It seems to me that a lot of people didn't share a lot of the same things i felt. Now of course, i'm fine with that you know? People have differing opinions so i don't expect everyone to feel the same as me, but some where like, outright hostile or completely slandering the character, like "Chiaki was meant for fans to masturbate over" or "DR3 Chiaki is a character that shouldn't even exist in concept", and even in appreciation posts she gets shit on in the comments. Which is like, so weird to me, a lot of attention was put into making Chiaki such a subtle character, from the way she was written in both DR2 and DR3.

I felt completely and utterly alone in this for a while, and it made me feel really sad. It was not too long after where i met some people on tumblr chat, i prefer to keep their names anonymous, but they as well felt very similar to the things i was feeling, and we started to talk more. I learned they had their own server to vent about stuff like this, and we've been talking a lot more since. One of them told me that around 2017, they outright ditched the entire fandom altogether, and really only talk DR with the people they know. The other has pretty much ditched reddit and moved on to other social media websites, deemed a lot safer to communicate Danganronpa with. I've talked with some artists as well, who weren't even aware this was "still" happening.

So, that begs the question. I've seen a LOT of people straight up hating her, even outside reddit. Why does she keep being so popular? If i'm right, r/ultimategamer has THE most members out of ANY DR Character, she was placed #2 at the official character poll, and probably even more that i forgot to mention. 

Am i wrong about this? Do people really praise her for the character she is? It can't just be because of her looks right? There has to be more than that, right?

I left that subreddit yesterday. I decided that it does not offer any value to me other than the fact that Danganronpa Kirigiri got fully translated. And really, it feels like constant negativity and "unpopular opinions/tierlist" posts.

...That's all i wanted to say. I also want to make it clear that aside from SOME characters, I really like almost every single one lf them, flaws and all. I've become a lot more cynical on the franchise lately, like the negatives of DR3 overpowering the positives, and becoming a lot more hostile and negative as well. I hope that stepping away for a bit will improve it. I hope that anyone reading this felt some sort of relatability in regards to this, it would make me pretty happy to know I'm not alone in this.

[anons-has-hlvrai-aus]

The Metamorphosis of Gordon Freeman [Chapter 4]

“We’re Playing Assassins”

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary: Forzen invites himself into Gordon’s home.

Word Count: 6,114

Ao3 Version Link

Notes: Thank you everybody for your patience! I hope you like bootboys, because I’ve got 18 of them, you’ll meet some of them in this chapter and the rest in a future chapter. Huge shout out to nbenrey-real on Tumblr for their Speculative Sweet Voice Translation.

“Forzen?”

“That’s my name.”

“It sure is.” Gordon sighed, “Who followed you? What the heck is going on? Why are you trying to come in through my window?”

Forzen slowly looked up at Gordon from his awkward huddle against the side of the house. “We’re playing Assassins. It's like Hide and Seek, except instead of somebody being ‘it’ that person is an assassin, and they have a NERF gun.”

“Th-that sounds bad, that sounds VERY bad. Do either of your cousins know you're out here? I need to call them before you guys take it too far.”

He gave Gordon a dirty look, a glint of what seemed to be fear in his one usable eye. “You think I'd be knocking on your window if they didn't know?”

The sound of foam darts hitting somebody from a couple houses over, followed by a muffled laugh, supplemented the answer.

“Lemme in lemme in lemme in-!”

“Okay okay okay!” He held out his non-dominant hand to pull Forzen inside. “Is it just you and the rest of Neo Team Nice playing?”

“I saw an old guy with glasses chasing after Eddy and Tower earlier, so probably not.”

“That doesn't help me any. There's a lot of people with glasses out here, especially from Black Mesa. You know from experience that people there have itchy trigger fingers.”

“You don't. You're built differently. They're all shoot first, you're all questions and stuff.” He looked around the dimly lit room with mild interest. “Woah, wicked lightshow. Did you have a perk saved up or something?”

Gorden waved him and some strings of Sweet Voice out of his room, “It's a long story, do you need me to put Irate Gamer up on the TV or something?”

“Nah, I can connect with my tablet.” The man threw his backpack onto the front of his chest to rummage around, looking incredibly silly in the process.

“Okay, you go do that.” He plucked a ziplock bag from near the bed. “Do you need anything to eat? I've got a surplus of toast from breakfast this morning, and I know you like yours extra crispy.” He shook it for emphasis.

“You got anything that’s charcoal?” He walked backwards out of the bedroom, skillfully catching a burnt bagel that was tossed his way. “Thanks.”

Once Gordon could hear the distant sounds of YouTube from the other room, he closed the bedroom door and slid himself onto his carpeted floor. Forzen was much more tolerable now that he had permanently bailed from the military, but he still had a few quirks that came from his then-situation as an extremely online 19-year-old. He was better off now, living with his two cousins and the 15 other people that were all raising Legal Hell on the HECU, but for some reason he seemed to gravitate towards Gordon every few months whenever he felt ‘homesick.’ It possibly had something to do with his parents disowning him, but Forzen frequently refused to give any other specifics.

Gordon did not appreciate these visitations at all for the first year or so, given he was still going to therapy at the time, but the man's semi-infrequent appearances had done more good for the both of them overall; Gordon was able to help Forzen engage with other people without immediately resorting to internet memes or YouTube, and in turn Forzen somewhat desensitized Gordon to the sight of camo, berets, and whatever else his brain associated with the HECU that the former soldier just had on him for some reason. Forzen was not on ‘official part of the Science Team’ status yet, what with him still being on thin ice with Tommy, but the fact that, as of last year, he and a few of his buddies from The Frat (AKA “Neo Team Nice”) were being considered for invitation to some of the Science Team's regular celebrations was a sign of progress.

There was certainly some irony in the fact that Gordon was more quick to invite a former bootboy into his life than he was of Benrey; they were pretty much the same person in some ways, but the differences were pretty transparent in Gordon’s eyes.

Forzen had literally been a kid trying to pay for college when he and the Science Team crossed paths. The guy wasn't even supposed to be deployed! Benrey, meanwhile, had intentionally made himself a problem for Gordon at every possible opportunity, and the three or so days they’d spent together had been more than enough Benrey for his lifetime. Forzen showed up in small doses, and usually left before he got too annoying to be around (even if he was getting better, he still had his moments of obnoxiousness).

Between the two, Forzen was also better because Gordon had managed to turn him into an almost-tolerable person; hell, he’d say the guy was a few steps away from being normal! He’d honestly much rather have Forzen teaching him how to do this alien shit.

Alas, another difference between the two annoyances in his life was that the one he tolerated more wasn’t an alien.

Although, it did give Gordon an idea…

He felt his way into the living room, Forzen somehow not needing any light to navigate the house and thus not bothering to turn any of the lights on prior to Gordon emerging from his room.

“Forzen.”

“That’s my name!” The man looked over from the center of the couch, the large smile on his face only just visible thanks to the glow of the television; his eye sparkled similarly to how Benrey’s did not that long ago.

“I’ve been consistently getting it right right for months now, you don’t need to get excited every time.”

“But it makes me happy, because sometimes I forget it too.” He relaxed to a more neutral expression.

“You forget your own name??”

“Only sometimes.”

Was this guy even sure that ‘Forzen’ was his real name? Gordon shook his head in bewilderment. That was a can of worms for somebody else to worry about. “Anyways, you and Benrey used to be friends, right?”

“We used to be best friends.”

“Cool. Did he ever tell you anything about Black Mesa?”

Forzen shrugged, “Sometimes. Neither of us liked to talk about it, so we just…didn’t.”

“You-? Hold on!” Gordon flopped into the loveseat, emoting with his hands as he usually did, albeit with more bumps into Sweet Voice. “What do you mean by ‘neither’? That means you-when did YOU visit Black Mesa prior to the Resonance Cascade?”

Forzen growled, “I don’t remember, time is an illusion. I just know it was after they let Benrey out for the first time. Military got access to experimental stuff and they’d test it out on people. They put some of the experimental stuff in my body, started teleporting everywhere, then fell into a restricted area when it stopped. Benrey harassed me until I left. We became friends after that.”

“Oh, so like, the experiments they did-wait, is that why you teleport sometimes?”

“Mm-sure.” He gnawed on his burnt bagel until it audibly crunched, a chunk of the literal charcoal freed from his efforts. He proceeded to ‘munch’ on the piece of bagel while he talked. “The Bill Nyes from your old work call it, uh, ‘harmony fuckers’ or something.”

“Can you not talk and chew at the same time please?”

Forzen obliged with a hum and another of his signature shrugs.

“Thank you.” Gordon sighed and paced around the room. That wasn’t the sort of information he came out to ask about, in fact it gave him more questions about what was going on with Benrey before the Resonance Cascade happened. What did he mean by ‘let Benrey out’? Did they keep the guy in a fucking cage? Were they trying to domesticate him? Acclimate him to being around humans? Why?

‘Focus, Freeman.’

Right, right. Thank you, inner scientist.

“Thank you.”

Forzen made a confused ‘huh’ at him.

Gordon shook his head, “Ignore that, I’m getting distracted. So-!” He shifted himself into a normal sitting position. “Everything you just said sounds VERY interesting, but I actually did have an important question to ask.”

“Mm?”

“Did Benrey, in all the time you’ve known each other, ever talk to you about the Black Mesa Sweet Voice?” He asked.

Forzen looked at him silently, eventually answering with an indifferent “no.”

Gordon swore under his breath, burying his face so deeply into his palms that it left his glasses askew. He’d hoped that maybe Forzen knew a thing or two about the Sweet Voice; having been friends with Benrey for so long, surely a normal guy (or at least normal compared to anybody else that knew Benrey) like Forzen would have been just a little curious about how the Sweet Voice worked.

Forzen had been a bootboy just one lifetime ago, though, and in Gordon’s personal experience they tended to not question or second-guess anything.

“Why do you wanna know about Sweet Voice so badly?”

Correction: Bootboys tended to not question or second-guess anything…unless it was to Gordon’s inconvenience. Forzen wasn’t a bootboy anymore, but the statement still partially stands true.

“Again, long story. How long were you planning to-?”

The doorbell rang, Forzen immediately cut off the TV and ducked out of view from whoever could see him from the main entryway. Gordon sidled over to the door, then stalled. He couldn’t be seen with piss-yellow Sweet Voice pouring from his mouth, he was anxious enough as it was. He rummaged around a nearby drawer and slapped on the first paper mask he was able to find before wearily cracking open the door.

“Hello?” Gordon answered, and then let out a very loud scream. He almost immediately calmed down once he recognized the visitor. “Mitchell! Don’t fucking scare me like that, dude.”

“Hello, Freeman.”

Mitchell was the less-weird of Forzen’s two cousins; both of them were weird, but if Gordon had to label only one of them as ‘the weird one’, it certainly wouldn’t have been Mitchell. He was a handsome-looking guy, despite the odd scars that he had apparently gotten while in Black Mesa, and seemed to be the closest thing to a leader when it came to the shenanigans of Neo Team Nice. Unfortunately, he had a strange aura about him that always scared the hell out of Gordon whenever they crossed paths, and he always, always talked like he had been trapped in a bad Metal Gear game for several years. Mitchell was a mixed bag to say the least, but he was never rude to Gordon, and that’s what really mattered.

“Howdy. How’s it, uh, how’s it going?”

“Fine. I have a question for you.”

“Yeaaaaah?”

Mitchell blinked a few times before answering. It made Gordon wonder if his manner of speaking was intentional. “Can I squat in your house for a couple hours?”

“Whuh-? I-? Pardon??”

The confusion must have been visible on Gordon’s face, because Mitchell immediately took this as his cue to explain everything in the most nothing way possible.

Mitchell smirked cockily. “Adrian and I made a deal that if he couldn’t find all of us before sundown, he would have to wear The Chicken Hat.”

“Can I ask why you have a chicken hat?”

“Collective punishment for us leaving the military. Everybody was supposed to get one, but they only sent a single hat, not that it affects us since the military can't force us to wear them.”

“I see…” Gordon slowly nodded. “That uh, yeah, that makes sense.”

It did not, in fact, make sense.

“I will ask only once more, Freeman. Can I-” Mitchell let out a horribly exaggerated yelp before ragdolling at the foot of the door. A little foam dart rolled onto the grass next to him.

A man dressed in cargo shorts and a white tank top came into view. He was immediately recognizable as Adrian, not because of how absolutely strapped with NERF guns he was, or the the gas mask he was wearing, but because of the tween-sized frog-thing trailing behind him like a puppy.

The two shared a moment of eye-contact before the ‘assassin’ gave a silent thumbs up. He ran out of sight just as quickly as he arrived, and Gordon decided to also make himself scarce upon Mitchell’s body despawning.

He peeled the paper mask off his face, drawing his eyes from the door back to the nearby couch. “It’s safe to come out now, man. Neither of your cousins know you snuck in here.”

“Nice.” He put the TV back on.

Gordon melted into the recliner for a bit to watch with the young man. He couldn’t help but squint while doing so.

“Don’t you think you should watch something other than Irate Gamer?” He asked, “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen this episode at least five different times at my house.”

Forzen let out a huff. “No. I like it, it makes me happy.”

“But that’s not normal. We’ve talked about this, you gotta branch out so you don’t just default to that when talking to new people.”

“If you wanna watch something else, you can just ask.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Gordon sighed, “You’re doing a really good job at fitting in right now, despite your shortcomings. You were almost as bad as Benrey in some of the ways you talked to people, but you’re doing great now! The real world, outside of Neo Team Nice and outside of the Science Team, is like a uh, a giant puzzle, right? Everybody has a place. I have a place, Adrian and Mitchell have a place, and you have a place!”

Forzen let out a grunt to imply he was sorta listening.

Gordon started to go into one of his little talks, ‘The Puzzle Metaphor’ he liked to call this one. Everybody has to fit into the puzzle, no matter what. You might have a few people without needing to fit in, but you need to be able to fit in to get along with everybody!

“Liking Irate Gamer is an innocent hobby, but it’s not gonna be the most acceptable one when you’re trying to meet new people. Not everybody likes it, and they’re not gonna want you around if that’s all you wanna talk about! But, uh, you know that already.”

“…You done now?”

Forzen clearly had enough babying from Gordon today. He got annoyed with Gordon, too, sometimes, even if he clearly meant well.

“Yeah, yeah I’m done now. Ju-just trying to hold out for ya, man. Like I said, a real big improvement from how you were.” He pointed to the kitchen, “I’ll be in there if you need me…”

-

Gordon waited until it was dark out before politely kicking Forzen out of his house, perfectly exposing the poor man to a barrage of darts. While waiting, he had made sandwiches out of the remaining ‘toast’ from breakfast that morning, plus whatever meats and cheeses were closest to running out; Gordon passed them around to the conglomeration of buff guys loitering in his yard, plus Lydia and Seargent Nutter when they were finally tagged out.

“Excellent job, everyone!” Mitchell proudly beamed. “We have successfully conquered my brother in a test of unbridled stealth! We will prepare The Chicken Hat first thing tomorrow morning!”

Gordon cupped his hands to be heard among the discordant cheering. “Cool, great, get out of my yard now!”

“There’s no need to be a sourpuss, Gordon. You’re too young to be getting so uppity about people on your property. Maybe wait another 20 years or so.” Sgt. Nutter gave him a wrinkly grin that really emphasized her age. “How’s Harold doing? Still back in the ring?”

“He’s been back in the ring for a while now, I don’t see why he’d wanna stop.” He gave her an annoyed tone, one she apparently didn’t like.

“It’s only a question, Gordon. I just like checking up on him.”

“Well you both have phones, I don’t see why you can’t call or text instead.”

“And communicate with him directly? Goodness, Gordon, are you trying to stop my poor, purple heart?” She got up close to Gordon, an evil glint in her big, buggy eyes. “By the way, this is your reminder that the only reason your ‘Science Team’ is alive right now is because I went AWOL. If I was manning the radio array when the orders went out…”

Nutter made a slow and quiet ‘pew’ sound.

“…So don’t forget that. You can get uppity with me all you want, but don’t you dare keep that up with them.” She pointed to Forzen and his cousins. Right, fuck, all three of them were younger than Gordon by at least five years. “I’ve held a grudge with Harold for a decade now, don’t think I won’t hold one threefold against you.”

“U-understood, ma’am. Uh, sir? Uh…Sergeant! Right away! Mrs. Sgt. Coomer-Nutter! Ma’am.”

The woman giggled heartily, as if she wasn’t threatening a (probably) violent grudge against him just now. “Oh, Gordon. You silly thing. Just Sgt. Nutter is fine, or just Nutter. I only use ‘Coomer’ in legal documents and on the field.”

“I’m pretty sure one of those two things is illegal.”

“Hasn’t stopped me yet!” She grabbed another sandwich from the tray Gordon was carrying around, a corned beef in lightly-toasted pumpernickel. “Goodbye, Gordon!”

A horrible, limousine-sized monstrosity known as the Jumble Jeep pulled in, a good enough sign if any that Neo Team Nice was leaving now. The team all gave their goodbyes for the night.

A few notable ones stuck out to Gordon.

“See you, Gourd-Man.” From Forzen.

Eddy, who Gordon immediately picked out from his glasses, ran by, wishing for him to “Keep up the good health.” Gordon rightfully interpreted this as a threat since he was the one licensed medic of the group. You should never piss off the healer.

“Catch ya later, Freeman!” Was barely audible from…either Adrian or Mitchell? They both sounded alike, he couldn’t tell unless he focused on the inflection. It sounded too optimistic to be Mitchell, so it was probably the oddly tender-hearted Adrian.

“Goodbye, Human Gordon!” Was loudly uttered by a guy named Anthony. “Human Anthony, who is a human, is saying goodbye to you now!”

Anthony was most certainly not a human. Gordon didn’t know what he was, because the rest of the Team was intent on keeping it a secret, but he wasn’t hurting anybody.

“You don’t have to say that every time you leave, Anthony.” Gordon waved at him, paused, then motioned him over. “Actually, hey! Anthony! Before you leave, I have a question for you!”

“Human Gordon has a question for Human Anthony?” He ran over and stopped a perfect five feet away from him. His orange-yellow eyes focused directly on Gordon’s face, and his arms waved a bit in front of him before he snapped them behind his back, military style. “What is your question?”

“So from one not-alien that has been to Black Mesa to another, have you ever heard of something called the Black Mesa Sweet Voice?”

Please say yes, please say yes! He needed somebody, anybody that could help him turn the fucking bubbles off. He didn’t want to bother Coomer after saying he wasn’t calling anybody tonight, and he couldn’t wait until Benrey got back in the morning, assuming that’s when he was planning to come back. He needed to speak and breathe without those terrible little orbs popping up in his peripherals. He dearly missed the chromesthesia; it was a little intrusive when he became too focused on one emotion, but it didn’t make his every thought into a public service announcement.

“Yes! I HAVE heard of this Sweetened Vocalization!”

“That’s great!” Gordon didn’t even hide the elation in his voice. ‘Pistachio, let’s go!’

“So you’ve used it before?”

“No!”

“Shit.” Gordon hissed. ‘Mahogany, fuck me.’

“But!” Anthony smiled. “Human Johnson has!”

“No I haven’t!” Johnson distantly rebuttaled. “You’re thinking of Jackson!”

“Oh yes! I apologize for the confusion! Both of you look alike!” Anthony clapped his hands over Gordon’s shoulders. It felt like he had been slapped with a live lobster. “Human Jackson is the ‘Jack of all trades’. He has many experiences with many things, he will help you! I will bring him to you!”

“Thank-”

“JACKSON!!!!!”

“Aaugh!” Gordon let out a weak scream. “Jeez, you’re so loud!”

“Thank you! It is because of my human lungs! Look, here comes Jackson!”

“Thank you, I can see that! I’ll meet him halfway.”

Gordon pried himself out of Anthony’s hold and slinked from one broad-shouldered man to another. Jackson and Johnson were easy to spot because they both had a cigar of some sort in their mouth, but Jackson’s was seemingly always lit, if how much smoke it actually produced was anything to go by. They did look a little too much alike, in Anthony’s defense.

“Hi, howdy, good evening.”

“Freeman!” Jackson laughed, “What’cha doing asking about that Sweet Voice?” Smoke puffed out with every hard consonant, fading almost immediately when it did.

“That’s a long story.” Gordon repeated his current go-to explanation. “You know how to use it though, right? The Sweet Voice?”

Jackson tugged the cigar from his mouth and cleanly sung four notes, two low notes followed by a high and medium note, in a voice that very distinctly sounded like Hatsune Miku. Instead of bubbles, the Voice took the form of pastel-colored smoke.

“That is wonderful, incredible even.”

“Glad you think so.” He put the cigar back in his mouth. “I know you ain’t asking around just to look at pretty colors, though.”

Sighing, Gordon removed a mask he had thrown on before kicking Forzen out. “So I, uh, kinda got stuck with it. I was hoping you might know how to turn it off?”

“Turn it off?” Jackson repeated. He took the cigar out again. “Fuck if I know. I’ve been stuck with it for years, now!”

“What?”

He held the cigar out to Gordon. “This thing ain’t even real. I just carry it so nobody finds out I blow balls from my mouth.”

“In PUBLIC?” A guy immediately responded, like a knee-jerk reaction.

“Yes Mike, in public, shaddup.” He sneered. The smoke wavered into an almost-bubbly shape when it went from white to more vibrant colors. ‘Orange to cyan. You’re pissing me off, man!’

“So you can’t turn it off?” Gordon asked.

“I don’t know, they just gave me the surgery and asked if it worked. Adam got the same surgery and he only made bubbles one time before it stopped working for him. I’ve learned that keeping my mind empty and suppressing my emotions keeps it a white and smoky-looking, so I just ‘picked up’ smoking to mask the problem.”

“That’s probably not healthy.”

“It’s not, but I don’t know how else to fix the problem. I’d marry the first guy that could perform that miracle, though.”

A deep, familiar voice butted in from behind. “Sound like a you problem, man.”

Gordon quickly turned around, meeting Benrey’s face by mere inches. Jackson screamed in Hatsune Miku.

“What’s up? Sharing notes with the class? S’all cool. It’s your first day, gotta catch up to the curriculum.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Gordon asked. He chose to ignore the baker’s dozen of scared and confused mumblings from the former-bootboys nearby.

“Doesn’t matter. So you wanna do Sweet Voice?”

With a tired exhale, Gordon let out a long and defeated “Yessss.”

“Okay, okay children. Class is-class is in session. I’m gonna teach you how to sing so good man.”

“I don’t wanna know how to sing! I wanna turn it off!”

“Oh that’s easy.” Benrey smiled.

He quickly shoo’d off Neo Team Nice, minus Jackson and Adam, promising to bring them back safely before promptly no-clipping them into Gordon’s house.

To Gordon’s (not) surprise, the group took Benrey’s words at face value and left. Gordon hoped he wasn’t expected to drive the men home, but he didn’t trust the other man with transporting them so…he might as well.

“You coming?” Benrey shouted.

Gordon turned to see a head and upper torso clipping through a wall. He didn’t feel like commenting, just nodding and heading back inside was enough to ease whatever worries Benrey had for him.

-

Gordon, Benrey, Jackson and Adam sat in a circle near the center of the living room floor. Chairs were apparently out of the question for the lesson, and nobody was willing to challenge ‘Professor’ Benrey about it.

“Your Sweet Voice is mapped to the first noise you made when you got it. Talking or yelling or whatever will map it to your normal voice, you gotta go into your settings and key-bind it to something else.” Benrey explained.

Jackson sheepishly raised his hand. “Can you explain that in non-gamer terms?”

“No.”

Gordon gave Benrey a Look.

“I’m joking, man. Lighten up.” He made a weird rattling noise before continuing. “Go into the filing cabinet in your brain. Go to your brain cabinet.”

Jackson and Adam both nodded.

“You too, Feetman.”

Gordon let out an aggravated “fine.” Admittedly, he had an easier time imagining the video game menu, so he stuck with that.

To put it simply, the Sweet Voice (SV) worked by pairing up vibrations in the voice box; if you matched the SV with humming, for example, it would only appear when you hummed. You could also completely change the sound output of the SV, which was apparently how Jackson managed to get his Miku voice.

Having access to the SV automatically gave one the ability to do what Benrey called a ‘throat whistle’ (which he humorously shortened to thistle). It was like laryngeal stridor, a condition that caused somebody to ‘whistle’ while breathing, except this was entirely on command and not connected to any health issue that Gordon could think of. Jackson had seemingly figured out how to thistle on his own and matched it while thinking about a certain digital idol, and from there you could probably guess what happened.

Gordon wasn’t sure how Benrey and Jackson had managed to help him actually perform a thistle, it all sounded like nonsense when Benrey explained and Jackson just kept telling him to ‘not overthink it’, but he did eventually get the hang of thistling. It was oddly fun on its own.

Adam had apparently thistled by accident when he got the SV and didn’t know how to replicate the sound, which was why it hadn’t worked for him for so long. He seemed quite elated with having a new set of noises to bother his boyfriend with.

It was a very effective lesson overall.

Unfortunately, this was also how he learned that you could have a maximum of two voices paired on you at any time, which was both a blessing and a curse as demonstrated when Benrey opened his mouth and released a horrifying harmony of his usual ‘singing’ voice and a high-pitched beep.

Gordon was grateful when he stopped.

“Pretty cool, right?”

“NEVER do that again!” He demanded, spewing a LOT of dark blue at Benrey. Neither of them needed a reminder for that translation.

“Ouch, man.” Benrey frowned.

He frowned. “And I mean it, too.”

Jackson,now that he was more acquainted with the non-human, seemed more humored by the display than anything. “I can finally go to the non-smoking sections of buildings without looking like a jackass! This is the best day of my life!” He looked at Benrey. “Fucking marry me, dude!”

“Not interested.”

“Perfectly understandable!” He returned to slouching, and looked over at Adam, who had figured out how to alternate between a car horn rendition of ‘la cucaracha’ and a slide whistle. Jackson started responding with his Hatsune Miku voice and what sounded like the rough imitation of an electric guitar.

Benrey gave Gordon an intense look. “Now you.”

Jackson and Adam stopped what they were doing to watch.

Gordon’s heart started to thump in his head at the attention, he could barely hear himself think. His hands balled up in front of him and pulled strands of carpet into their grip.

‘Pink lemonade. I’m nervous, not afraid!’

It felt like being stuck at an interview. He hated interviews. He was always being judged.

A pair of hands placed themselves over one of his own, the left hand.

“Hey man,” Benrey spoke in a slightly hushed tone. “Don’t take the class thing too serious? S’just a silly joke. Just a goof. Like the passports. I’m not testing you or anything.”

He looked into the other’s eyes, shiny cyan scleras with irises so deep and dark that they blended into the pupil. He must have learned that from Dr. Coomer, because he did the same thing when Gordon needed help calming down. He wasn’t sure when they would have told him, but that probably didn’t matter right now.

His heartbeat settled some.

‘Breathe, Freeman.’

The reminders from his inner scientist came to him clearly now.

‘Square breaths. Inhale four, hold four, exhale four, hold four, repeat.’

In four.

Hold four.

Out four.

Hold hour.

In. Hold. Out. Hold.

Again.

And again.

And once more.

‘Focus.’

Focus.

Settings Menu, Sweet Voice, he could see it now.

Input 1: Default

Re-binding Input 1…

Input 1: Thistle

Inhale, exhale.

No Sweet Voice, not even a single bubble!

Benrey looked at him expectantly.

Was he waiting for Gordon to serenade him with the song of his people? Jackson and Adam were waiting as well.

He was tempted. He shouldn’t have been.

‘What are YOU waiting for?’ Asked an irrational thought. ‘This is something you’ve always wanted to do, isn’t it?’

Maybe for a moment, but that was when the Player was in control. It had been a fleeting desire that scuttled off after that game of Spin the Bottle, nothing more.

…

And yet?

Output 1: Default

Re-binding Output 1…

Gordon took in a slow breathe. He felt the slight constriction in his throat as he sung out the unearthly tone of a synthesizer he’d once heard humming away in a plant nursery. It was in that eerie pitch that lingered only for alien abductions in movies or shows.

That’s what Gordon felt now.

That’s what Gordon was now.

He let the pitch fluctuate, and held it in spots where it sounded nice until he ran out of air. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing breathe back into his lungs to hold back tears.

It was beautiful, and terrifying, and dreadful, and wonderful, and every other appropriate descriptor that his shitty, shitty memory failed to conjure.

One of Benrey’s hands moved off of Gordon’s, he felt something wipe a dampness out of his eyes, slightly dislodging his glasses. Gordon had a pretty good idea of who the culprit was; his eyes confirmed his suspicions once he willed them open.

Benrey pulled his hand away from Gordon’s face, clasping it over his mouth. If there was Sweet Voice, it was well hidden. Usually he would try to calm down Gordon with some blue but…maybe he was trying to avoid that.

“Uh,” The man mumbled behind his covered mouth, “final lesson for tonight. Binding the Sweet Voice doesn’t mean it’ll only show up when you want it. Big emotions will make it all just kinda-pfffffft. Ya know?”

“Why are you telling me-?” Gordon didn’t finish, he immediately noticed how his shaky breath let out tiny yellow bubbles. ‘Lemonade means I’m afraid.’

“Hey-” Jackson frowned, “I don’t really know what’s going on but…you seem scared right now, and it’s okay if you are. You just…can’t let it consume you, okay? Your beautiful friend seems to know what he’s doing, I think you can rely on him for whatever is going on.”

Gordon nodded without comment.

“You go sleep now.” Benrey got up.

“I can’t do that, I have to-”

“Sleep now, please?” His face was blank.

Gordon struggled to convey his concerns. He knew that arguing with Benrey wouldn’t make him any less stubborn, but Gordon had to take Jackson and Adam home. He had a car, he knew the area, he knew where they lived.

Benrey didn’t know that stuff, if he did he would maybe feel better about letting him take them home?

Gordon thistled out a shaky tone. Where words failed him, a blossom of technicolored orbs seemed to convey everything he felt.

It all must’ve been more complex than how he currently understood it; he wasn’t sure how ‘yellow like curry means I’m worried’ and ‘robin eggs with wine, I NEED to know it’s fine’ were able to combine with a few other colors Gordon didn’t notice in order to explain his concerns…but for Benrey it was more than enough.

Benrey looked at the other two men in the room. “Go wait outside, please.”

They both nodded and bid Gordon ‘goodnight.’

With the living room empty, he crouched back down to Gordon’s level and let out a sigh. “Words are hard.”

Gordon laughed. “Yeah. Th-they are.”

“But you understand words better right now, I think.”

“…Yeah. I do. My brain is translating the rhymes alright, though.”

“It’ll make sense, eventually.” Benrey said, “You won’t even need the rhymes…You’re doing good, even if Sweet Voice doesn’t make sense yet.”

Gordon waited for more, but received nothing else. Benrey looked like he was waiting, too, but for what…Gordon didn’t know.

Benrey let out another sigh and sang a string of blue between them both.

Gordon tentatively reached out to an orb, it popped at his touch and filled Gordon with a familiar calming sensation. It was much more appreciated than he had realized, and so he felt compelled to pop two more bubbles to let the calm completely overtake him.

“Thanks.” He mumbled.

A tiny smile showed up on Benrey’s face as he sat back up and reached over to help Gordon do the same.

The room had become completely dark without Gordon even realizing it. He had never turned the lights back on, having just used the perpetual stream of Sweet Voice to light his way. Now the only light left was the slowly-fading bubbles of calming blue, and even those were soon gone.

Gordon’s eyesight slowly adjusted, as was typical of the human eye.

Benrey coughed a bit, getting his attention. Gordon’s eyes had adjusted enough to barely notice the man’s hunched over posture, which almost immediately straightened upon Gordon looking his way.

“I can handle things.” Benrey told him. “You’ve had a long day, you need rest. I know how to find uh, Forzen. The bootboys all live together, that’s what Bubby said. I can-” He smacked his lips a couple times, sighed again, then let silence overcome the room for a minute. “…yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Gordon let out a tired laugh. The irrational thoughts whispered to him sweet assurances that it would be fine.

Gordon allowed them to win.

“Okay, I’ll trust you.” He took out his phone and unlocked it. “Give me your number, if anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing will go wrong.” Benrey insisted.

He looked at the man with doubt. “If anything goes wrong, doesn’t have to be tonight, it could be tomorrow, or next week, or whatever…if anything goes wrong, if anything IS wrong, call me. Not text, call. If I can’t do anything to help, I can at least contact the rest of the Science Team for you.”

Benrey looked at the ground before telling Gordon his number. He flew off before Gordon’s confirmation text could send, but the irrational thoughts convinced him to let it go for now.

Gordon went about his usual routine, this time in darkness; he was actually proud of himself for being able to handle it for this long, as silly as it likely would have sounded to an outsider.

About five minutes after Benrey had left, his phone buzzed.

‘bootboys delibirded pls be sleep when i hime’

He couldn’t help but snort at the text. At least Jackson and Adam were home now.

It was only 10 o’clock at night, but Benrey was right: Gordon had a long day today, what with the doctor’s appointment and the alien puberty and the game of Assassins happening outside his house and his first ever lesson regarding the aforementioned alien puberty, he definitely deserved a long rest.

Gordon’s eyes drooped shut the moment his head hit the pillow, but his mind did not ease itself into sleep until he was able to hear a mumbling in his attic that unmistakably belonged to his new roommate. The barely-hushed hoots and hollers of a man deep into an online match was oddly soothing as Gordon slipped into unconsciousness.

[vampireacademysims]

Well, I guess it's time to address the situation... or the lack of situation lol This is gonna be long, be warned. There's a TL;RD at the end if you wanna skip the wall of text. To start, thank you to the two anons who took the time to read the comic and prod me about it and the new people who started following this tumblr in spite of the Hiatus warning. Altho this place has been collecting dust for more than a year now, I'm still around, updating my side reblogs tumblr, so it's not like I dropped from the face of the earth.

The truth is, at this moment in time, I've feel out of love with making this comic. It was always a lot of work due to me being a perfectionist. I never used any extra rendering apps, all you've seen here is raw sims images and a lot of work on Photoshop, so much so it gave me a muscle contracture on my right shoulder (because I did all my work in bed with my laptop/drawing tablet in my lap. I never said I was a smart person lol) that still flares up from time to time because I learned nothing. Then the VA fandom was already quite small by the time I started doing this in 2015 and I never really advertised this in the fandom anyway. I always got the impression most of the fandom didn't like the OG comics as it was and most of the people that followed the comic were sims 2 fans because, well, it's made with the sims and the images were pretty (forever holding in my heart the people you said this &lt;;3) The recent "Vampire Academy" TV series (it was just in names, honestly) was the final nail in the coffin of my motivation. After information had leaked I was already disappointed in it, but after actually watching it, yeah no. Only plus to it was the surprise to see it was partially filmed in my country, in places where I have been myself. And lastly, and probably most importantly, I struggle with motivation a lot. It happens to us all, I am sure. It's no secret that I hated to panel, if I'd start all over again I'd just post the big images like many of you telling stories are doing now, it'd be less of a stress for me, but alas, I can't change formats now. And I said many times I was doing it mostly for myself, because I did love the comics based on the books, but doing it for yourself only gets you so far until you get bored. And I got bored. I'm actually surprised my hyper-focus on it lasted for as long as it did. I haven't been to Photoshop for editing - I used to make photomanipulations and other kinds of editing - for way over a year, so it's not only the comic that stopped.

I still have 7 pages to end chapter 6 in various degrees of editing, Veninorchid and Esotheria-sims have seen them, so they exist lol I will eventually finish editing them - it's mostly a Romitri flashback - and post them. But after that, I will have to decide how to proceed. Spending less time editing would help, but lowering the quality of my pages, the only thing people like about it, really doesn't sit well with me, because yeah, perfectionist.

So at the very least the remaining pages will be posted in early 2024, I might go back to it slowly, a little bit everyday so I don't burn out or put stress on my shoulder. But after that, it's up in the air. It's not like I've been staring at the walls during this time, I had other things taking my goldfish-like attention. I got interested in home bookbinding, which made me dig out old unfinished stories I once started and I've been trying to finish them and later try to bind them, because why the fuck not lol And on my reblogs tumblr I had this set of pictures about a Regency little story that people really loved and I'd like to add to it, but then again, all the editing it'd need *cries* I feel tugged in so many directions I fear I'll end up doing nothing lol

So the TL;DR is, I got bored with the comic because it was too much work and resulted in physical pain, I lacked the motivation and other things got my attention meanwhile. Chapter 6 will be be finished eventually, but after that it's up in the air. Cross my fingers that I get my mojo back while editing those pages. Still, a thank you to all of followed and are still following, sorry these were not the good news you wanted to read just because I made a post. You support up until now was what kept me going in the past, I can't thank you all enough.

[meimi-haneoka]

È il mio 10 anniversario su Tumblr 🥳

It's apparently my 10th anniversary on Tumblr 😳😳😳

This blog definitely didn't start as a CCS blog, or not even a Clamp blog, I remember I was in my Saint Tail brainrot/withdrawal period, and I wanted to ramble about it all alone on a personal space, always hoping that Tachikawa sensei one day would write the extra chapter that she talked about on her blog...hence why I chose this url. For this and another personal reason, actually. I also loved to RT all the nice screencaps and edits for my favorite anime...

...then 2016 came and the love of my life, CCS, came back and my blog was absolutely swept away by the excitement, turning pretty much into a constant stream of CCS content and chapter commentary for Clear Card each month. When the anime came out in 2018, things only got worse 😂 but then in 2020 I started to realize about the translation differences between the English version and the original Japanese, and I decided that my beloved story deserved better than that, better than being misunderstood like that, especially the new characters that in the meantime I came to love so dearly...

So pretty naturally, I started to vent my frustration compiling all the mistakes/differences every month, in a very "whoever is willing to read it, is welcome to do so" fashion. For my convenience the differences are always included in my commentary. I haven't gone around promoting my posts very much, it's basically always "I run into someone confused about a line in the Eng ver/got some facts wrong, I tell them that the original JP actually says something else and I leave a link to my blog".

The more the story went on, the more I wondered if I was stepping on anyone's toes for doing these posts, but with my immense joy it seems they got Clamp's blessing, so I'll keep doing them till the very end of the story.

In between these commentaries, I throw some other translations I do mainly for myself (Twitter Spaces where Sakura is mentioned, interviews especially about the anime, etc) and that I like to organize more or less neatly in one place, and that people can share if they want. And also my fanarts, even though they never do big numbers here. But heh, I'll keep sharing them here too, cause it's my blog after all.

So yeah, 10 years of this. There were definitely times when I've hated this website and its community since things were becoming pretty toxic, flames started randomly out of nowhere, I just hope once the anime will be back it won't be the same shit again. I stopped looking at the CCS tags because of that and other reasons connected to that, so unless one of the people I follow shares it and puts it on my dash, I almost never reblog CCS art/edits/gifs etc. Cause the pretty artworks aren't worth wrecking my mood because I found the nth person shaming something that I love (and the people who love that thing, with it). Sorry about that, my blog is pretty boring in that sense.

Luckily, Tumblr brought me also good things, so I guess it makes up for that. I've met lots of people from my current CCS "circle", here.

To be honest, I know I have 2626 followers (as of today), but to this day I still wonder why. I highly doubt all of them are here because they're interested in my posts, probably not even half of them, lol (and I do my best to kick the bots). Nonetheless, thank you to all the people who interact with my posts ❤️ and thank you for sending me nice asks every month! 🙏 I don't always reply to them right away and some of them I leave for later when I have a downtime (like this one ask that's pretty broad in topic and I'm keeping it for when I have a little more time and nothing else to talk about).

Since Clear Card will continue for a little more than expected, the monthly appointment here will continue in parallel, and I'm already preparing my next "trivia" post, it's a topic I wanted to talk about since looooooong time. 😉

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 22, Untold - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, alcohol consumption, strippers,

Word Count: 1.5k

Previously On...: Tony expressed his concerns about you going on this mission.

A/N: When Tony Met Pocket!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

Boston, 2002

The bass inside the club was pounding, reverberating through the air and your skull as you made your way onto the floor. The day had already been unbearably long, and after your shift tonight, you still had a mountain of reading to do for your Introduction to Data Structures and Algorithms class. But, MIT courses didn’t come cheap, even at two classes a semester, and you needed every penny you could make from your shifts at Beantown Burlesque. It would make more sense, financially, to work a club closer to the college, but the idea of running into any of your classmates or, god forbid, your professors, made the extra time and money you spent commuting from Cambridge to inner Boston completely worth it. 

Not that you expected a lot of tips tonight. It would have been better if you’d been scheduled to work the stage before they sent you to the floor; you were always requested for more lap dances after the patrons had seen you work the pole. You’d just have to work your ass off to entice a couple of lonely men into the VIP booth. But that always came with the additional task of fighting off requests for additional “services.” You may have been desperate for cash, but you were quite done with having your body sold for money, thank you.

You made your way over to the bar, hoping to get some intel on tonight’s patrons so you could shoot your best shot. 

“How’s it goin’ tonight, Cherry Pie?” the bartender, Mac, asked, using the pseudonym you’d chosen for your stage name when you started at the club a year ago. 

“No complaints yet, Mac,” you said, gratefully accepting the glass of water he offered you– it was important to stay hydrated, after all, “but then again, the night is very young.”

Mac let out a gruff laugh as he wiped down a glass. “You’re too young to be so cynical, Cherr,” he said.

You shrugged. That was an understatement. “Any good prospects tonight?” you asked, leaning your elbows on the bartop.

Mac nodded his chin toward a group of young men sitting close to the stage. “That group over there’s racked up a pretty big tab so far. Think they’re from the MIT alumni conference.” That piqued your interest. Beantown Burlesque might not be the ideal place to network, but you’d honestly take whatever you could get.

“They seem decent enough?” you asked Mac.

“About as decent as any group of blokes that come here,” he offered. “But they’ve been pretty respectful so far; no one’s tried to put hands anywhere they shouldn’t.”

“Good enough for me,” you told him. With a parting wave, you sauntered over to the group, making sure to put some extra sway in your hips. As you approached, you surveyed the collection of men. They all seemed to be centering their focus on one man in particular– he was dark haired with a goatee and wearing a pair of tinted glasses and looked vaguely familiar, though you couldn’t place where you might have seen him before. You clocked his expensive loafers and custom Armani suit, and the way the others around him laughed a little too loudly at what he was saying. 

That’s the one, you thought to yourself. He had the money. If you were going to make your rent on time this month, he was the one you’d need to impress.

“You boys fancy some company tonight?” you asked once you approached the group. The man with the goatee leaned forward, a sure sign of interest, and looked at you over the lens of his glasses.

“Well, gorgeous,” he said with a smirk, “we're not ones to turn down an offer for good companionship, especially from someone as captivating as you. But let's be real, the question is whether you can keep up with us. Think you're ready for the challenge?”

Oh, this one was cocky. You could work with that. You trailed your fingertips along the tops of his shoulders as you made your way around to the table in front of him. Without breaking eye contact, you picked up the double shot of whiskey sitting there and downed the entire thing in one swig without flinching.

The other men in the group whooped and hollered at your display, but the man with the goatee just studied you with a peculiar look on his face. “What’s your name, sweetheart?” he asked.

“You can call me Cherry Pie,” you said as you began swaying your hips to the rhythm of the music coming through the speakers. 

“I didn’t ask what they call you here,” he said, leaning back as you put your hands on his shoulder and began swaying in between his legs. “I asked for your name.”

“You haven’t spent nearly enough to earn that, honey,” you said as you gyrated. 

The man laughed at that, then, reaching for his wallet, pulled out a handful of crisp, one hundred dollar bills. He gently tucked them into the waistband of your bottoms. “How’s that?”

You looked at the bills tucked into your underwear. By your guess, there was about eight hundred dollars there. You just might make rent, after all. “It’s a start,” you shrugged, beginning your tried and true lap dance routine.

One of the other men in the group let out a loud laugh. “She’s sure got your number, Stark!”

At the name, your eyes shot to the man with the goatee’s face, and it suddenly clicked for you. “Holy shit,” you breathed. “You’re Tony Stark.”

Stark smiled. “Guilty as charged, sweetheart.”

“Your company’s network security sucks ass,” you told him, the words coming out of your mouth before you could stop them.

He quirked an eyebrow at that. “Excuse me?”

Fuck. “Uh, nothing, sorry. Forget I said anything.” You put a renewed vigor back into your dance.

“Um, no.” Stark said, grasping your wrist firmly enough to encourage you to stop dancing, but gently enough to let you know he posed you no threat. “I want to hear how a stripper knows the faults of my network security.”

You blushed at that. “I, uh, may have broken in the back door and temporarily held your system hostage for ten minutes last May,” you confessed.

“That was you?” Stark exclaimed. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he sounded… impressed. “You paralyzed our entire operation!”

“Yeah… sorry about that.” Well, you could kiss any further tips goodbye, that was for sure.

“Why’d you relinquish control back to us?” he asked. “You could have held it for ransom; we would have paid whatever you asked for.”

Huh. You had never even considered doing that. “Well, um, actually, I did it as part of a final project? For my Engineering Ethics and Professionalism course at MIT?”

Stark cocked his head at you. “With Erickson?” You nodded, and Stark actually laughed. “He still a narcissistic son of a bitch?”

You chuckled and nodded. “Sexist, too. He nearly shat a brick when he had to watch a mere girl bring a Fortune 500 company to its knees.”

Stark laughed, heartily. “I’ll bet he did! What I wouldn’t have given to see his face!”

“I set up a camera to record it,” you told him. “I can make you a copy of the VHS, if you want. I needed to capture the moment for posterity.”

From there, the atmosphere and your position in the group shifted. You were no longer the entertainment. Tony (he insisted you call him that) invited you to join him as his equal, and for the next several hours, he picked your brain, testing your knowledge and asking you questions about yourself, much to the displeasure of the rest of his group. One by one, they departed, until it was just the two of you. You were having the time of your life. You figured you’d never again have the opportunity to sit back and just hang out with such an icon of the tech community, and you were going to make the most of it. Now, here you were playing a game of Never Have I Ever.

“Never have I ever sheared a sheep,” Tony said with a grin.

“Why, Mr. Stark,” you said, bringing your glass to your lips (you failed to mention that, technically, you weren’t legally old enough to drink), “you haven’t truly lived until you’ve shorn the raw wool from an unwilling ewe.”

“You’re shitting me,” Tony said, laughing.

You took the glass from your lips without drinking. “You got me,” you told him. I grew up in Dayton. Not a whole lotta opportunities for sheep shearing there.”

A mischievous glint came into Tony’s eyes. “Your shift’s got to be almost over,” he said. “What do you say, Cherry Pie? Wanna go shear a sheep?”

“(Y/N),” you told him. “My name’s (Y/N), and I would fucking love to.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[come-away-with-me87]

Love & Angst Chapter 19

Chapter 18 here

******

Warnings: One more chapter left after this, folks!  I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone on both Tumblr & AO3 for taking the time to read my story, and appreciate my obsession for Aizawa. I know I'm not the best writer by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a good outlet for me. I've already started a new fanfiction that I can't wait to get out there :)

******

You turned around and walked away, leaving a bewildered looking Shouta in your wake.  As soon as you got back to your car, you burst into tears.  You didn't tell Shouta this, but that was exactly the answer you were looking for.  That said, you still had a tough decision to make.  Do you take another chance on Shouta, and try to rebuild your trust in him?  Or do you choose Ken, who would, undoubtedly, provide you with commitment and security?  When you thought about this out loud, the choice would have been simple for a normal person: you would choose Ken.  Even though there wasn't an instant spark or chemistry with him, Naomi's words were drilled into your head: "A spark and chemistry isn't everything.  A mutual love and understanding of each other is what keeps that fire truly burning."

You finally started your car, and drove back to your house where you could finally dry off and settle in for the night.  You were absolutely exhausted, and couldn't wait to go to bed.  You pulled up to your driveway, got out of your car, and went inside to dry off.  You put your purse, keys, and phone on the dining room table while you were settling in for the night.  At some point during all of this, your phone vibrated, unbeknownst to you.  You got ready for bed, and went to go put away your purse and keys, and took your phone upstairs with you.  

You were nice and dry now, and finally settled into your bed, when you picked up your phone, only to see a missed text message from Ken: "Hi, pretty girl. I just wanted to tell you again how great of a time I had with you tonight. And I hope to get the opportunity to kiss you again :)"  You blinked away tears while reading his text, unsure of how to respond.  You knew you couldn't leave him on Read, though, he didn't deserve that.  You finally responded back to Ken: "I had a wonderful time as well, I'll see you again soon :)"  You decided to not address the kissing part of the message.  It was at that point that you put your phone face down on your nightstand, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

You woke up the next morning, mentally preparing yourself for a double shift that day.  You had your normal day job at city hall, then you had a shift at the restaurant.  It was going to be a long day, but you were at least working with Naomi that evening, so you had that to look forward to.  Once your work day was over at city hall, you went into the bathroom, put your hair up in a ponytail, and you put your server uniform on as you had to go straight to the restaurant for your shift.  You were grateful that earlier that morning that you decided to put down extra food and water for Annie and Jareth.  

You got to the restaurant for your shift, said hey to Naomi, and started prepping for the evening.  As per usual, you both got your prep work done early before you had to open the restaurant doors.  You took the opportunity to tell her what you did last night after she left your house the previous night.  She looked absolutely bewildered, "girl, that was so *bold* of you!  Does his answer give you any more clarity on what to do?"  You replied to her that you still felt stuck, but that your heart seemed to be leaning more towards one way than the other.  You didn't tell her which way, though.  You wanted to be 100% certain with your decision before telling her.

It was finally time to open the restaurant, so you went and unlocked the doors.  It was a weeknight, so you didn't expect it to be too busy that evening.  About fifteen minutes after unlocking the doors, some patrons started to come in, so you and Naomi got to work.  As you expected, it wasn't very busy, but the evening was still going by quickly.  You were in the kitchen at one point bagging up a take-out order, when Naomi came bursting into the kitchen.  "Y/N, I wanted to catch you before you came back out to the dining room.  But Shouta just walked in."  Your face fell; why was he here, out of ALL the restaurants in the area?  She continued, "here's here with Hizashi, Toshinori and Nemuri again.  Thankfully, they chose to sit at the bar again, so you don't have to worry about waiting on them."  You sincerely thanked her for letting her know, and she gave your hand a squeeze as if to say "you got this."

You continued to bag up the take-out order, took a deep breath, and walked out to the bar where the patron was waiting for his take-out.  He had already paid for his meal, so he bowed to you in thanks, and left.  All of your tables were taken care of at the moment, so you decided to not be rude, and said hello to Shouta, Hizashi, Toshinori and Nemuri.  They all politely said hello back, with the exception of Hizashi, who gave you a "welllllllllll, hey girl!  Long time no see, yo!"  Despite Hizashi's greeting, you still felt awkward; they all knew what had previously happened between you and Shouta.  The tension in the air was thick at the bar.  Despite that, you were politely catching up with them, when you noticed one of your tables trying to get your attention.  You swiftly left the bar, where Naomi picked up the conversation with the four of them.

You did everything in your power to appear busy that night, even though it was slow, so you wouldn't have to interact with Shouta.  When you weren't tending to your patrons, you kept yourself locked away in the kitchen.  Closing time would be here before you knew it, and you wouldn't have to feel awkward or uncomfortable at your own job after that.  At one point, Naomi came into the kitchen again (where you were currently hiding), and informed you that Shouta wanted to have a word with you. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  You went out to the bar area, where he stood up and motioned you to come by him at the front door.  "Y/N, I'm really sorry if tonight is uncomfortable for you.  Hizashi insisted on coming back here, I think he has unresolved feelings for Naomi.  Anyway, we all tried to convince him otherwise, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.  Anyways, I'm really sorry."  He sounded so sincere.

"It's really okay, Shouta," you said with a small smile, "you're allowed to dine wherever you please."  He returned your small smile, and went back to his seat at the bar.  You actually felt a little better after that conversation, and didn't feel as uncomfortable.  The rest of the night went off without a hitch, and suddenly, it was closing time.  All of your patrons at the tables had already left, and it was just the four of them left at the bar.  They paid their tab, and Toshinori came over and gave you a hug as they were getting ready to leave.  "Stay strong," he whispered in your ear.  You kissed him on the cheek in thanks.  The others said their goodnights to you and Naomi; Shouta's eyes lingering on yours.  With one last longing look at you, he was the last one to walk out the door with his group.

As soon as they were gone, you locked the doors, turned around, leaned against the doors, and took a deep breath.  Naomi asked you if you were okay.  "Actually, I am.  Tonight turned out not to be as awkward and uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be."  Naomi then asked you, "that's good.  What did Shouta say to you?"  You told her about your conversation, particularly about the part where he mentioned that Hizashi insisted on coming here.  You looked her up and down, "did anything happen with Hizashi tonight?"  She just laughed at you, "not while the four of them were sitting there.  But he did pull me aside at one point, and he told me he missed me."  You couldn't help but have a big smile on your face, "that's great, Naomi!  I think you two are very cute together.  What did you say to him?"  She replied, "I told him I missed him, too.  Anddddddd....he asked me out on a proper date."  You practically squealed and jumped in the spot you were standing in, "that's so great, Naomi!  I hope you said yes!"  She did.  You two talked about it for a little while longer, then decided it was time to go home.

You hopped in your car with a smile on your face; you were so happy for Naomi.  You truly did believe that she and Hizashi were a good match, and you hoped that their eventual date would be amazing.  You finally got home, got a shower and changed into your night clothes.  You kissed Annie and Jareth on their foreheads, saying, "ooooh, I missed you both so much today!"  You suddenly had a flashback of the night you went to pick up dinner for you and Shouta, and how you came home to him sitting on the floor playing with a string toy with Annie.  You suddenly had other flashbacks, too. You then thought about Ken, and a what a future would look like with each of them.  It was at that moment you had a realization, and suddenly, you had made your decision on what you were going to do.

******

To be continued!

[oneknightstand-if]

Okay, I gotta get this out of me.

This has honestly been one of my best experiences with an if story in years! I was so confused when I first saw the words King Arthur X Among us that I thought I was hallucinating for a second.

This is honestly one of the most interesting ideas I have ever seen and the exquisite mixture of ideas all beautifully put together make for an incredible journey.

The writing is like a nice bow to tie it all up together, it is captivating and easily sucks you into your characters shoes making you feel the horrors that they experience in a single day!

Not to say how the extra bits like the sound effect, the zalgo text and just how well made the whole stat screen stuff is done! (I didn't even know you could change what the Reset button read!!!)

In just one chapter you, my friend, have managed to not only intrigue, capture but also send my mind into a spiraling well of intrigue as I try to think about just what could happen from now on with my best friend Adrian (who may or may not be hiding more about this reincarnation business than I think) and the eccentric mage Merlin (which I fell in love with instantly even if that might be a terrible idea!!)

And to some, the extensive and heavy lore world you have made might be a little off putting for some but worry not and know that you have a slut for lore here, so please tell me all about this Arthurian style apocalypse.

I can not wait to see where you take this story and I when finally find out who my past life is (this has become like a personality test for me, I need to know)

With much love, a fan

Hey, my Lore Dump Pro sibling! We shall stand alone atop the mountain going "No, tell me *exactly* what's going on and by that I mean a blow-by-blow account in excruciating detail of the past 1500 years". And Merlin shall appease us. Because they're Merlin.

Thank you for the comment and all the compliments! I will hold this near and dear to my heart when the critical reviews inevitably start coming in.

The Camelot reincarnation *is* basically a personality test where you end up with the available reincarnation that best jives with the way you've been playing your character in Camelot. (And of course, feel free to play Camelot MC completely differently from Modern Day MC... they may be reincarnations, but they're also completely different people now.)

Otherwise, I'm not sure if the sound effects will be remaining in the final game. They haven't been too well received in the poll in the CoG forum thread. I might try a separate poll here at some point to see if Tumblr has a different opinion.

Regarding changing the game UI, CoG generally doesn't like you modding the system files when they officially publish the game (as opposed to the author posting it somewhere else like Itch.io or the IF Comp), so that's probably why you haven't seen it much.

[sunset-a-story]

Author Ask Tag

Thanks to Scribe for hitting me with the talking stick. Their answers can be found here.

What is the main Lesson of your story? And why did you choose it?

The best "lesson" I could name for Sunset is power corrupts. And that's for both institutional powers and the powers that are the character's knacks (extra-human abilities). I don't choose/plan lessons or morals. That's just not how I think about it. I write the people and stories in my head and trust that if I'm true to them, something bigger will come through.

2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

We took inspiration from a lot of tabletop roleplaying games that we'd been in or run like Hunter: The Reckoning. Witch Hunter Robin for vibes. The Soul Society in Bleach for organization.

3. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

I'll go with our two mains, Reeve and Alex. Reeve is just trying to do the right thing. That's his center compass and he was "born" into a life that makes that not very straightforward. Alex wants to find where he belongs, what he's meant for. Honestly, the thing I'm trying to achieve is to tell their story. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind or teach readers something. Those things may very well happen, but they don't enter into the equation when I'm writing.

4. How many chapters is your story going to have?

We don't have chapters but we broke Arc 1 down into 15 chunks for bi-weekly releases.

5. Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original. We plan to post it on our Patreon first and then on A03 and Wattpad.

6. When and why did you start writing?

My partner and I started developing the characters and the world through games and drabbles and such around 2006? The plot sort of evolved itself through that. We started seriously putting words down around 2015. And I feel like we have to write it. It's too big to keep in my head.

7. Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers of tumblr do you follow?

Life's too damn short to not write the stories that are important to you in the way that you want to write them. Fuck the rest. And I follow way too many amazing writeblrs to even count. @scribe-of-stories obvs. My co-writer @touloserlautrec <3. Super grateful to @words-after-midnight for beta reading for us and being so supportive. @pandoras-comment-box has been an amazing telepath-ranting buddy and I always adore talking to @thatndginger.

I was away from tumblr for like a week so I'm not sure who has been tagged in this recently so I'm leaving it an open tag.