#thank you sweet friend for helping me be brave and reminding me what's important in life ^^

[loveyouenglish]

Words of Encouragement for Any Situation

Words have power. They can lift someone, make them smile, or give them the strength to keep going. Encouraging phrases are simple but meaningful. They show support, kindness, and belief in someone’s ability to succeed. Whether it’s a friend, family member, coworker, or even a stranger, a few kind words can make a big difference. I'm sharing a collection of encouraging phrases, explaining why they matter, and showing how to use them in everyday life. Why Encouraging Phrases Matter Life can be tough. Everyone faces challenges, doubts, and moments when they feel stuck. A kind word at the right time can change someone’s day. Encouraging phrases do more than just sound nice—they build confidence, create connection, and spread positivity. Here’s why they’re so important: - They Boost Confidence: When someone hears “You’ve got this!” they feel stronger and more capable. - They Show Support: Phrases like “I’m here for you” remind people they’re not alone. - They Inspire Action: Words like “Keep going!” can push someone to take the next step. - They Spread Joy: Positive words make both the speaker and the listener feel good. Encouraging phrases don’t need to be fancy. Simple words, said with sincerity, can have a huge impact. Everyday Encouraging Phrases Here are some easy phrases you can use to cheer someone on. These are grouped by situation, so you can find the right words for any moment. For Someone Working Hard When someone is putting in effort, whether at school, work, or a personal goal, these phrases show you notice and appreciate their hard work: - You’re doing great! - Keep up the good work! - I’m so proud of how hard you’re trying. - You’re making progress every day. - Don’t give up—you’re almost there! - Your effort is paying off. - You’re stronger than you think. - Every step you take is a win. For Someone Feeling Down If someone is sad, stressed, or struggling, these phrases offer comfort and hope: - You’re not alone in this. - I’m here for you, no matter what. - Things will get better—hang in there. - You’re tougher than the toughest storms. - It’s okay to feel this way sometimes. - Take it one day at a time. - You are enough just as you are. - I believe in you, even when you don’t. For Someone Starting Something New Starting a new job, hobby, or adventure can be scary. These phrases give courage and support: - You’ve got this! - This is your moment to shine. - I know you’ll do amazing things. - Every expert started as a beginner. - You’re brave for trying something new. - Take that first step—you won’t regret it. - You’re going to learn so much! - I’m excited to see where this takes you. For Kids Kids need encouragement to grow confident and try new things. These phrases are simple and perfect for young minds: - Wow, you did that so well! - I love how you keep trying. - You’re a superstar! - Mistakes help you learn. - You make me so proud. - You can do anything you set your mind to. - Look at how far you’ve come! - You’re so smart and strong. For Friends and Family Close relationships thrive on kind words. These phrases strengthen your bond: - You always make me smile. - I’m so lucky to have you in my life. - You’re an amazing person. - Thanks for being you. - I admire your strength. - You inspire me every day. - I’m cheering for you, always. - You make the world a better place. How to Use Encouraging Phrases Using encouraging phrases is easy, but a few tips can make them even more powerful: - Be Sincere: Mean what you say. People can tell when words come from the heart. - Be Specific: Instead of just saying “Good job,” try “I love how you stayed calm and solved that problem.” - Match the Moment: Choose words that fit the situation. If someone’s nervous, say “You’ve got this!” If they’re sad, try “I’m here for you.” - Say It in Person or Write It: Spoken words are great, but a note or text can be a sweet surprise. - Don’t Wait for a Big Moment: Small, everyday encouragement matters just as much. You don’t need to be perfect. Just be kind and honest, and your words will make a difference. Real-Life Examples of Encouraging Phrases in Action Let’s look at some stories to see how encouraging phrases work in real life. At School Emma was nervous about a big math test. She’d studied hard but kept doubting herself. Her teacher noticed and said, “Emma, you’ve been working so hard. I know you can do this.” Those words gave Emma the confidence to focus. She passed the test and felt proud. The teacher’s simple encouragement made all the difference. At Work Jake was new at his job and felt overwhelmed. His coworker, Sarah, saw him struggling and said, “You’re doing great for your first week. Keep going, and you’ll get the hang of it.” Jake felt less alone and more motivated. Sarah’s kind words helped him stick with it, and soon he was thriving. At Home Lily, age 7, was learning to ride a bike but kept falling. She wanted to give up. Her dad said, “You’re so close, Lily! Every time you try, you get better.” With her dad’s encouragement, Lily kept practicing. A week later, she was riding on her own, beaming with pride. These stories show how a few words can change someone’s mindset and help them succeed. The Science Behind Encouragement Encouragement isn’t just nice—it’s backed by science. Studies show positive words can: - Reduce Stress: Hearing kind words lowers stress hormones like cortisol. - Boost Motivation: Positive feedback makes people more likely to keep trying. - Improve Mood: Encouragement triggers feel-good chemicals like dopamine in the brain. - Strengthen Relationships: Kind words build trust and closeness. When you encourage someone, you’re not just helping them in the moment—you’re supporting their mental health and happiness. Encouraging Yourself Don’t forget to encourage yourself! We’re often our own toughest critics. Try saying these phrases to yourself when you need a boost: - I’m doing my best, and that’s enough. - I can handle this, one step at a time. - I’m proud of how far I’ve come. - Mistakes are part of learning. - I’m stronger than I feel right now. - I deserve kindness, too. - Today is a new chance to try. - I believe in myself. You can say these out loud, write them in a journal, or stick them on a mirror. Self-encouragement builds confidence and keeps you moving forward. Spreading Encouragement Every Day Encouragement doesn’t have to be a big gesture. Small moments add up. Here are easy ways to spread positivity: - Compliment a Stranger: Tell someone, “I love your energy!” or “Great job!” - Text a Friend: Send a quick “You’re awesome!” to brighten their day. - Leave a Note: Write “You’ve got this!” on a sticky note for a coworker or family member. - Celebrate Small Wins: Notice little efforts, like “You made that look easy!” - Listen and Support: Sometimes, just saying “I’m here” is enough. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. Soon, encouragement will be part of your daily life. Encouraging Phrases for Tough Times Some moments are extra hard, like when someone loses a job, faces illness, or goes through a breakup. These phrases offer comfort and strength: - You’re stronger than you know. - I’m with you through this. - You don’t have to go through this alone. - You’ve overcome tough things before. - It’s okay to take it slow. - I’m rooting for you, always. - You’ll come out of this even stronger. - Your heart is so brave. These words remind people they’re supported, even in the darkest times. A Challenge for You Here’s a fun challenge: For the next week, try using at least one encouraging phrase every day. It could be to a friend, a coworker, a stranger, or even yourself. Notice how it feels and how people respond. You might be surprised at the ripple effect of your words. Final Thoughts Encouraging phrases are like little gifts you can give anytime, anywhere. They don’t cost a thing, but they’re priceless. Whether you’re cheering on a friend, comforting a loved one, or motivating yourself, simple words can change everything. So go ahead—say something kind today. You never know how far your words will carry. Let’s make the world a brighter place, one encouraging phrase at a time. More topics: Words to Describe People’s Appearance and Clothing Describing Places: Vocabulary for Different Environments Words to Describe Different Types of Music and Art Forms 40 Positive Words & Expressions to Brighten Your Day How to Learn Vocabulary Faster Using Flashcards Read the full article

[luxielle]

A little treat for my talented, selfless, dearest friend @quirky-and-kind ^^ Please enjoy these whimsical Ryu's in their natural state--joyful, adorable, and very, very in love.

Love you, Lea--my charming, theatrical wife 😘

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers as Roommates

Intro:

So, the MC has left the Devildom and, of course, everybody is quite sad… But this time around, they have a little trick up their sleeve. With just a bit of magic (and training thanks to Solomon) the MC can now summon one of their favorite demon boys up to the human world with them! There's just, uh, one problem though… After being summoned to their side, their beloved demon now refuses to leave it.

Alright MC, enjoy your new demonic roommate!!

Lucifer

Apparently Lucifer is on sabbatical… And yes, he does appreciate that irony in that.

Lucifer actually has a surprising amount of human world money stashed away in alias accounts (because this man renting a cheap motel on business trips? Let's be real) so he uses that wealth to get them a place befitting his standards… which are high.

Spacious apartments in nice areas that would make even the upper middle-class shit their pants? Congrats, MC, that's where you're staying now!

Even with all that money, though, Lucifer CANNOT sit idle for a second. The guy is used to working all his life and just sitting around would drive him insane!

Expect him to still be running some Devildom affairs long-distance style while doing something else on the side, probably stock market stuff tbh.

Is going to want to pay for and provide everything himself but will respect the MC if they still want to work and split the bills (not to a ridiculous degree, though, like half-and-half because that would mean getting three jobs at least).

A lot of trips and vacations too, especially if the MC likes to travel. It’s a good excuse to relax while also technically doing something so he doesn’t lose his mind doing nothing in particular.

He is going to be that strict roommate who expects you not to be a slob and isn't afraid to say so. Regularly scheduled cleaning/organization days are mandatory because hygiene is important. Take some pride in yourself and wash up, MC. That kind of thing.

Also going to have short-fuse for… antics. If you want to prank him, do so at your own risk because he may prank back (and that’s not nearly as fun as it sounds, trust me.)

Mammon

Yeah so, living with Mammon is like the inverse of Lucifer. Prepare to be poooor.

Man has no human money, are you kidding me? Even if he did, he wouldn’t keep it for very long. Couples budgeting is a MUST if you’re looking to survive.

The apartment is going to be whatever the MC can more or less afford on their own with Mammon shoved in somewhere like a cheap lamp… Don’t expect a lot of room.

However, Mammon is great at the hustle. Man can work multiple jobs and actually be pretty dang good at them. For the most part, anyway. He may occasionally trip up and get himself fired, but he bounces back quick.

If the MC isn’t so moral he can also uh… “find” some extra money lying around too. Just be careful when playing with fire, right?

Even if they’re poor as shit, Mammon is still a blast to be around. The guy knows how to have fun on and off of a budget. Lots of “window shopping” (getting kicked out of stores for goofing off), nightclubs, amusement parks, and cheap fun. They’ll never be without a story to tell or a smile on their face!

He IS pretty slobbish though. He’s not going to remember to clean up after himself unless told, but he’s also not going to be bothered if they don’t do the same thing. A weekly cleaning day is going to be ideal unless they don’t mind living in a pigsty...

Prank waaaaars!! The kind of guy to get them both water guns and have a war in the middle of the apartment complex. Good luck getting any rest with Mammon around.

Leviathan 

Whelp, your room is now his room, quite literally MC. You had to pick the shut-in…

The guy isn’t exactly poor but what human money he does have is all wrapped up in his many interests… Merch interests specifically. 

Thankfully, he won’t take up too much space. Put him in a room with a desk, bed (or bathtub), TV, and computer and he’s good to go! 

He’s not going to be a complete bum, thankfully. There’s no way that they can get him to leave the apartment, but he can run small online stores (usually anime themed) or become a streamer. Probably enough to help pay the bills, but not much more.

If they don’t mind having a literally permanent housemate, then being with Levi has its own kind fun. Lots of anime marathons, movie nights, and game nights. Really, it’s just like how he was in the House, but now transported to the human world.

Is probably going to want a pet goldfish, snake ,or lizard so prepare to house Henry 3.0.

When he does leave the apartment, it’s to take the MC to conventions, concerts, or anime stores. He always manages to get just enough money for these trips, but never says where the money comes from… Best not to ask. Could be black market for they know...

… He’s a shut-in. He’s a shut-in roommate. Hygiene isn’t exactly his main concern. If they ask him to, he’ll make sure to clean up after himself, but he may need a reminder.

Can have a fun side, but just don’t mess with his stuff too much. He doesn’t need a Mammon 2.0 around too...

Satan

He's either hatching a plan for world domination or adopting 10 cats… One or the other.

About as poor as Mammon at first, but threat not. He won’t be for very long. Satan is intelligent beyond his years (or equivalent his years maybe?) so he’ll probably net himself several degrees within a couple semesters like a certified prodigy.

At that point, there really isn’t much to worry about (aside from student loans, join our pain Satan) but he can sell himself just fine and probably get some high paying job like a lawyer or doctor or whatever… I’m not jealous…

They’ll start out in a pretty modest place, but there will be upgrades fairly quickly when he starts racking it in so Satan’s a fairly decent choice as a roommate.

He does still have that nasty habit of breaking things when he’s pissed off, but that can be subverted by getting a pet! Just hold up whatever cat you own when he’s about to rampage then declare that he’s scaring/upsetting them and he’ll stop in his tracks. Works every time!

Probably going to be the most domestic out of the brothers. He enjoys cooking (and ain’t half bad at it either), shopping is a practical necessity, he’ll take care your pets like they were his own flesh and blood, etc.

There will even to be points where he’s in bed reading in the middle of the night with tea and reading glasses like some kind of grandma so take that image for what you will.

Satan is the prankster of the household, but he does his pranks more as a way to give grief to his enemies rather than for funsies. Be warned, if you poke this bear he will retaliate for sweet, sweet revenge and he has centuries worth of pranks behind him. Good luck.

Asmodeus 

It's a new party every night, sweetie, get used to it!

Asmo is the only other brother who has some amount of money to offer from his own trips to the human world, but it's just a modest amount.

Is totally willing to work to help pay for a nice place. He wants a building nice enough to host parties!

Would go back to modeling and maybe dip his toe into acting from time to time… He gets a lot of gigs (this IS the Avatar of Lust after all) so they won't be strapped for cash. Which is good, because Asmo is a very "business by day, but party every night" kind of person. 

Do know that his shopping is NOT going to slow down either. Keep an eye on the budget.

He’s also going to make friends wherever he goes so he’s going to want for them all to hang out at least somewhat regularly.

That being said, he can tone it down some if the MC so desires, just know that they can’t keep him cooped up in the apartment for too long or he’ll start getting antsy. You can’t keep this stallion locked up, MC, he needs to run free!!

Being with Asmo is going to be like having a free pass to whatever gathering the MC wants to go to, at least. He could even get them into red carpet events with just his sheer charisma, charm, and er-… “charms.” Who doesn’t want to meet their favorite actress or singer, eh?

But oh, sweetie, please don’t prank him! Life is too short to waste on silly games (he also just genuinely just doesn’t enjoy being messed with so best not do it).

Beelzebub 

Brave choice, MC, but quick question. How in the world are you going to pay your food bills???

Beel is a real sweetheart through and through but his stomach is NOT. That thing will eat them out of house and home! (Maybe even literally!!) Both of them are going to have to work and probably some pretty looong hours (cause he’s got no money either).

Honestly, Beel would be best as a personal trainer in the human world. He’s a pretty decent combination of tough but genuinely kind and motivating. (The fact that he’s pretty easy on the eyes would help out a lot too).

But the MC won’t have to worry about Beel sneaking off with someone just looking for some “quality time.” He’d take his job seriously, though he’s not particularly versed in what the human body can’t handle so only the really dedicated (or masochistic) would stick with him anyway.

“Good work last week, April! You did so well that we’re going to go from 500 pushups to a thousand! … I can see you’re worried, but I believe in you.”

But hey, he can deadlift well over 2,000 pounds without breaking a sweat so who has the balls to argue with him, anyway?

Trying out every restaurant in town would be a must. He’d even plan out vacations for them with the sole purpose of travelling the globe and tasting the different flavors. Food trips!!

He's neat enough since he used to tidy up a lot for Belphie so no need to worry about him picking up after himself (except for the occasional pile of wrappers. Toss those out unless you want ants)

I mean, you can prank Beel if you want. He'll be pretty good-natured about it as long as it stays harmless. Just don't ruin any of his food, got it?

Belphegor 

So… Belphie makes for some excellent décor! Really he is great at laying around and looking fantastic just… he’s not that great at much else...

Realistically, choosing Belphie as a roommate is kind like having a high maintenance pet. He’s good for love and cuddles, but he’s not going to be helping with the bills or anything unless they whine incessantly about it.

If the MC can make enough for the both of them, then it should be fine. They won’t get upset and he won’t be crabby but if not… Oh boy.

Regular job Belphie is a needy Belphie. He’ll come back from whatever job he’s working, likely a night shift, and demand attention or cuddles right then and there. He needs to recharge those batteries, after all...

If he isn’t working then he's at his happiest. He can even pull off being a “househusband” of sorts. He’s not going to go above and beyond the call of duty, but he can keep the place clean, get a basic meal on the table (provided someone teaches him some human recipes), and get groceries if he needs to… You know, basic domestic shit.

They’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that, at some level, Belphie just doesn’t believe in “common curtesy” or “human decency.” If some neighbors are being too noisy for his liking, he will troll them to oblivion and beyond. He may even get sued for it if he takes it too far, so the MC will have to keep an eye on him…

He’s the House’s #2 prankster, but unlike Satan he doesn’t need any malice to be a little shit. The MC will be pranked and it will be at the most unexpected times. Be warned...

Check out my Masterlist for more!

[minniepetals]

unlove me, i dare you | 01

— summary: it wasn't meant to be. you're only a burden

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, office!au, break up!au

— word count: 2.2k

— warnings: angst

—   part 2

You weren't supposed to fall in love.

Admire, yes, because everyone admires them, but you had always strayed away from the crowd that hoped to gain their attentions at any moment they can get. You were meant to stay quiet and shy, in the shadows of their many admirers, and to just focus on the tasks given to you.

Because by doing that, you won't attract attention, right? By doing that, no one will notice you at all, right?

Yet the more you stay true to yourself without losing focus of what's in front of you, the easier it is for their lives to slip into yours.

Small greetings displayed with gentle smiles. Hellos and welcomes. Keeping the elevator door open for you to catch up and walk in. Shy gestures, timid waves, small cups of coffees sat on your desk each time you arrive along with sweet little post-it notes.

They weren't supposed to be drawn into the timid employee that was always too afraid to say no. They weren't even supposed to know your name.

But months passed, seasons changed, the weather growing colder day by day.

You'd stay up working on reports and datas, last to leave, often times falling asleep. And when the snow finally falls on the first day of December, he's there outside standing in the snow when you leave that midnight morning.

"Let me give you a ride home," he offers with a soft, dimpled smile.

You shouldn't have taken his hand but you did.

A few more months passed, you grow closer and closer.

Jimin teases you, Jungkook fools around, and Taehyung steals you away whenever he can. Seokjin's always there with a coffee in hand, Yoongi's always gifting you his precious gummy smile. Hoseok reminds you to take care of yourself and Namjoon stays behind later and later when you have deadlines to meet.

They weren't supposed to like you, a surprise making your heart beat faster and faster the moment the shy confessions are made.

You weren't supposed to be theirs.

But you are.

You're theirs and they're yours.

.

.

"Baby, Jimin's using his hyung privilege to make me run around for his coffee," the little one whines with an adorable pout that makes your heart flutter for days.

He falls into your arms, when you round his desk and come close enough to his reach, settling his head against your chest and just whines like a small child.

He's never like this in front of the company and you smile, finding yourself so, so lucky.

"He's so mean," he sniffles dramatically and you giggle, fingers running through his hair in a comforting way.

"I can take over for you," you tell him so he quickly picks his head up again, shaking vehemently as he looks up at you through his lashes.

"No way, I can't have babygirl doing that for me or hyung."

"It's okay," you laugh, "I have a little break right now so I don't mind."

Yet he only pouts. "If you have a break then spend time here with me, don't do that spoiled brat's demands."

You stroke his head gently, a soft gaze resting on your face at how beautiful and pretty Jungkook looks. "I promise I'll be right back, okay?"

He lets you go after a few more minutes.

.

.

"Baby! That was Jungkook's job, you're not supposed to do it for him!" You're met with another whiny child who's acting oh so different than the man everyone else knows him as.

Yoongi chuckles. "Maybe get your own coffee instead of asking Jungkook."

"Or ask Jin hyung," Hoseok suggests.

"It's not fair," Jimin pouts when he disregard the coffee onto his desk to hold you in his arms instead. "Jin hyung only gets coffee for babygirl, why can't he get some for me too?" He nuzzles up against you, breathing in your scent like a little kitten. "You always smell so nice."

You giggle, a small blush making its way up your cheeks when he presses a kiss on your neck.

"Come on, you two," Hoseok sighs, "we've got a meeting to get to."

"Oh! I'm sorry," you quickly say, face falling with worry that you've taken up their time.

But Yoongi shakes his head as he comes over to pet you on the head. "It's okay babygirl, we needed this little moment."

He kisses you on the temple and they say their goodbyes as they head off to their meeting.

.

.

"Do you not get scared at night?"

"I guess I've gotten used to it," you shrug lightly as Seokjin takes your hand and Namjoon leads you to the car. "Though the empty cubicles do get a little creepy at times."

"Aw baby, you know you can always come work in our offices if you'd like," Namjoon offers.

"I wouldn't want to disturb you."

The older one shakes his head. "You'll never be a disturbance, I promise you," he tells you with a soft gaze before Namjoon points to the sky.

"Look how pretty the stars are. Just like you, babygirl."

.

.

"Are you alright?"

"Hm?" You turn to your friend, teeth biting against your lower lip as you look up, eyes drowsy and pen almost slipping from your grasp.

"You look worn out, Y/N. Maybe you should head home," she suggests.

But you shake your head despite knowing she's right. "I'll be okay, Minyoung. Team leader expects these reports in a few hours, I can't leave now."

"I'm sure she'll underst-"

"I really can't be distracted right now, I'm sorry."

An hour passes and your headache grows worse by the minute so you decide to take just a small little break.

You stand to go grab a drink of water, body barely able to stand up straight and a voice reaches your ears.

"Y/N?"

You gasp, suddenly standing up straight again but your boyfriend only watches you with concern. He holds a hand against your forehead without a word, brows furrowing even deeper when he feels the temperature.

"Baby, you aren't feeling well."

"I-I'm okay, I just..-" You fall back as he's quick to catch you, a gasp leaving his lips.

"I'm taking you home."

"But Tae-" Your body is lifted up before you can say no more and he begins walking his way, not listening to your protests and deeming your health is more important right now.

You're too weak to try and resist.

Later that night you find out he missed a meeting with an important executive.

.

.

"How'd she even become their girlfriend?"

"She doesn't look rich so I highly doubt she paid them."

"Maybe she sold herself."

"Whether she did or not it doesn't matter, I'm sure they'll just dump her in a few days."

The little snickers doesn't go past your ears but Minyoung rolls her eyes with a sigh. "Y/N, don't let their words get to your head."

It gets to your head.

.

.

"If you think we're going to go easy on you just because you're the bosses' girlfriend then I advise you to think again."

It isn't just the coworkers but the higher ups who talks and talks as well.

.

.

"You seem a bit off these days. You okay, sweetheart?"

When Yoongi questions you with a clear worry gaze displayed on his face, you know you can't keep worrying them.

"I'm okay."

He frowns, not sure whether to believe you or not, and goes on to stroke your head. "I'll always be here when you need me, okay?"

You force a smile. "Thanks, Yoongi."

.

.

It grows worse and worse.

Not the gossips and rumors but your own thoughts that's hoping to convince yourself that you aren't needed, that you're just a burden and nothing more.

They may not hate you right now but they'll come to that agreement one day, falling out of love — well, if they are even in love in the first place.

You know that you love them and that's what scares you most of all.

You're falling harder and harder each day and it isn't easy. Loving and to be loved is not easy.

You should be happy, right? Happy that they like you in the first place, happy that they've shown interest and have done nothing but be so supportive and being the best boyfriends they can be.

But what about you?

You haven't been the best girlfriend.

What are you even supposed to do? You don't know how to be a girlfriend. They've done nothing but treat you well. Buying you coffee, gifting you presents, staying up late and giving you rides home.

You've done nothing but have taken advantage of them.

"I'm going to break up with them."

Your best friend stares at you with disbelief, her voice speechless for a moment as her eyes widens, not sure whether she heard it right or not but the serious gaze on you lets her know that you're sincere.

"What? Y/N, if this is about those girls gossiping and-"

"It's not just about them," you tell her, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to just cry. To let it all out. "I can't do this anymore, Minyoung. They're so great and sweet and kind but I've been nothing but a spoiled brat and letting them take care of me. I can't continue being a burden, Minyoung."

"You're not-"

"Relationships aren't just about being loved, Minyoung, it's about loving too. And right now I'm not sure how to love. I'm scared and I don't want to drag them down with me."

"Y/N..."

You shake your head, standing up from the sofa and taking a deep breath in. "I've made up my mind," you tell her, heart squeezing tightly against your chest. "I can't continue being a burden."

You pick up your purse and walk out her apartment.

.

.

"Let's break up."

The world falls so silent you can hear a pin dropping. They freeze like moments in time, eyes kept open without a blink, hearts drumming oh so slowly against their chests. Not even their own breathings can be heard because they've held it back.

Unsure. So unsure.

Yet it's confirmed to be true at the same time when you refuse to meet any of their gazes. It falls to the floor, you yourself not brave enough to face them because you know that if you are to look up, you'll just find yourself crawling into their arms for comfort and telling them all your worries.

But you can't do that, you know you can't. They've done so much for you, you can't crawl back in for more help. You know that if you tell them the truth to it all, giving them a clear, sincere explanation, then they'll try to convince you otherwise and you know, you know more than anyone in this universe that you do not deserve any of that.

You don't deserve their kindness, their warmth, their love.

You don't deserve them.

"What..? Y/N..."

You hear the crack in Jungkook's voice and make the mistake to look up because he's crying. There is rain falling from his eyes, falling even though he does not blink, and it only continues to form heavy along his waterline before dropping and dropping.

"Please tell me you're joking," he begs in a small whisper. "Please.."

"Please Y/N, we can fix this," Taehyung says. "Whatever the problem is. Just tell us and we'll fix it."

"Is it us?" Jimin asks and you want to tell them no. No, it isn't them, it's you. But if you say that then you'll only sound like an idiot who's making up an excuse to break it all off. "If it's us then we'll do better. I promise you, Y/N, we..we'll try harder. Just please...please, baby."

You didn't know it would be this hard to break things off, you never expected to be confronted with pleas for you to not do so.

You never expected tears.

Perhaps you've doubted their love but maybe that's even worse. They can't like you this much otherwise it'll only make things harder for the both of you.

There are tears cascading from their eyes, swimming with pain and affliction and it's a first.

The first time to see them cry.

"Please Y/N, I like you a lot." Jungkook takes your hand, begging, praying you're just playing around, squeezing it tightly to show you how serious he is. "I love you."

I love you.

The three words you hadn't expected to leave his lips.

The three words you had hoped wouldn't leave his lips especially right now, right at this moment as you're trying to put up a wall.

Your heart tightens as you push his hand away, shaking your head, holding the tears in.

"I don't."

It's such a soft, soft whisper.

But they hear it.

They hear it and you hear it. You hear the shattering of your heart that breaks into fine little pieces of fragile glass as you lie to him, as you lie to them.

So before they can hear that, you turn around and walk away, not daring to look back to see their faces, not daring to show them your own face as your eyes burn with tears while you hold a hand against your mouth, hoping to not make any sound to tell them that it is a lie.

A horrible, terrible lie.

[daddywright]

I have only recently got into the ace attorney fandom, and this story was the first story I read, and I feel spoiled! I absolutely loved every chapter, so I'm gonna word vomit here and tell you everything I love about this!

"She offers him a smile. It’s small, tentative, but it possesses a strength that makes a hidden part of him twist and burn with quiet envy." the first time we see nick's wish to be as strong as mia!

Considering the fact that nick didn't have any prominent figure in his life, it makes sense that he would look up to gregory so much

"Phoenix looks up, and starts walking towards Mia Fey

He doesn't stop for two years."

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT MIA AND NICK HAD WAS PRECIOUS AND DESERVES MORE THAN WHAT THE FANDOM GIVES THEM

"Larry’s arms wrap around him, squeezing almost too tight" People forget that Larry and Phoenix were good friends too, and Larry would help his best friend

"Nobody believed him, nobody but Mia" Maya is what Phoenix is to Mia and I adore that

"He wishes, desperately, that he’d said it while she was still alive. I loved you. For everything you did." Not you absolutely breaking my fucking heart

Also the first AA game felt unnatural in the sense of how seemingly unaffected Phoenix seemed at Mia's murder so I'm really glad you wrote it this way

"Expensive. Thoughtful. Too much." SHUT UP NICK YOU DESERVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

Also quick break to mention how I absolutely fucking love your writing style and i wish I was literally half as talented as you cuz the last time I read something that made me feel this multitude of emotions was ocean vuong. And I practically worship Ocean Vuong. So now I worship you too

"You're a stranger to me // When will I stop hoping?" I never really realised just how badly nick musta been hurt by good ol' bratworth before this fic, but now that I have read it, it would have hurt him so bad

"Is this why you never answered my letters? Because I was a reminder? Because it hurt too much?" Honestly what happened to miles and phoenix's friendship hurts so much because it should have never happened, and miles didn't deserve that.

"Maybe Miles Edgeworth is not the man he thought he’d be, either." yo when I tell you this hurt I mean this huRT

Fun fact! My birthday is on the same day as DL-6 anniversary. Gregory Edgeworth died on my birthday. I feel horrible now

"monster. You were nine years old and he's a monster. " No one has made me feel this much emotion for what happened to Miles in a single sentence other than you. I commend you for that

"I love you," he says quietly. He has never said those words to anyone, except for Dahlia Hawthorne.

Maya sniffs in his ear, crushing him tight. "I love you, too."

He has never heard them back.

PHOENIX HAS NEVER HEARD THE WORDS " I LOVE YOU" COME BACK TO HIM ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME WHY NOW I'M SAD

"Tell me everything. Every detail—" Miles is worried bout nick and why wouldn't he? gods you're so gay miles but tbf if I knew someone like nick irl i'd go ballistic too

"He determined the motive for his own assault...with amnesia. Naturally." My man's smart af and he is king

"Is that what she thinks of me? That I'm like that? That I don't care about who the bad guys really are?" Gumshoe noooo you're hella precious! Also this particular chapter was so well written! loved this soo much!

Also taking a minute to appreciate the pacing! Rarely do I ever come across an author who just hits that sweet spot of perfect pacing and you did! so thank you!

Alright so here are a few thoughts that I felt capcom needed to do which you did for us!

no. 1 - Address the trauma phoenix faced with not only dahlia but also with mia's death

no. 2 - Actually fucking flesh out a good relationship dynamic between larry and phoenix

no. 3 - actually! have! phoenix! be hurt! in bridge to turnabout! istg my man would not have dropped from a burning bridge to a freezing river only to have a cold

AUNT FRANZY AND PEARLS MAN!

THEY CUTE

ok so I have a LOT of feelings for bridge to turnabout and HOO BOY BUCKLE UP

So I always thought that in this fic, miles must have felt fucking awful! I mean he very clearly hates who he was and what that has led to but that must have been doubled over with this case! Phoenix would have died if not for mia and it would have been indirectly miles's fault. I think about that alot

Like he said that he very much regrets whatever he did as bratworth in the phone call with gumshoe but i don't think he anticipated this. poor edgeworth

Also I think this was the final nail in the coffin for miles. Phoenix forgave him, after all the fucked up shit miles did, and that made that man go "how is this guy so fucking compassionate awwwww shit I'm in fucking love with this idiotic brave man".

my main thoughts were "holy shit phoenix must have been feeling awful." like to learn that you were in love with a person who turned out to be a murderer but then not a murderer cuz everything you felt about that was real and just...... it must have hurt. He never fell in love with dahlia. it was iris, always. and WHAT ABOUT MILES DURING THIS!!! Like to learn that the man you love was falsely led to believe that he was in love with a person he rarely met and then learn that his ex who is not murderous might still be in love with him because "that was real. that part was real." like damn. people just gloss over this

also I feel terrible for iris F in the chat for iris lads.

Dahlia literally haunting that courtroom scene. I felt mia's power. I felt her desperation. I felt everything and I am once again in awe of the absolute power your writing holds.

also godsdamn pearls had to go through all that shit huh. also FRANMAYAAAAAA THANK YOUUUU

I too, am a hoe confused as to what I should feel towards diego.

Ok anyways we jump to disbarment now

"He just winks at her and says Maya has other talents, and if Mystic Maya overhears, she puffs up at him like the fish from the aquarium she saw once, the one with all the spikes and silly eyes."

you know what constantly amazes me? your ability to change tones so effortlessly. When writing from edgey's pov, the language is sophisticated. precise. when writing from pearly's pov your language is simplistic, child-like. from phoenix's pov it's natural. grounded

"She never knew anybody who made faces like him, growing up in Kurain, and it’s one of the things that makes him special." Yo phoenix is the most amazing uncle ever and we all know it ok he's brilliant

I'M RUNNING OUT OF CHARACTER LIMITS

PEARLY CALLING EDGEY AT FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE I'M SOFFFFTTTT

“I think I did something really bad." trucy baby no it's not your fault

pearl and trucy bonding supremacy. my girls would fuck shit up

"She’d meant to do this properly, one day." Thank you for giving importance to maya's feelings. thank you for treating her like a real human being. thank you

“Everything that happened...for what? It’s only gotten people hurt. Pearly. Our mother.” Me. Me." I felt so bad for maya here. I wish I could tell you in precise words about how this exact framing of the sentence is what broke me. "me. me" maya deserved more, but mia did all she could

"What do scared kids need? ...Food." not you breaking my godsdamn heart again. phoenix just knows what's it like being a helpless child, and he'll be damned if he ever lets anyone face that again

“‘Course, Pearls,” he says reflexively, before frowning. “What for?” reflexively. if every man in the world could be like phoenix wright then the world would be worthy of the gods

"Another one?" give it 2 years edgey she'll be your daughter too

"after countless hours creating the man’s living space in his mind from the background snatches he’d seen in the man’s ridiculous video calls." NOT ONLY DO THEY VC FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON BUT ALSO MILES ACTUALLY SPENDS TIME TRYING TO RECREATE HIS ROOM?? BECAUSE HE WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO BE IN IT??? good gods these bitches gay. good for them

"because just as day is light and night is dark, Phoenix Wright is an honorable man." damn straight. you love to see it (it being a 27+ year old man pining for another 27+ year old man)

also hey miles! how do you feel about the fact that the man you love changed his fucking major and degrees halfway through college just so he could see you again only for you to be incredibly rude to him and make him end up in jail! (i bully edgeworth cuz i love him)

"Wright finishes, shrugging like it’s nothing, like his commitment and belief isn’t the most extraordinary thing that Miles has ever faced." it's more than pining at this point. it's incredible faith and trust. Miles had someone who cared about him even after all those years despite him having changed so drastically, ofc he would be surprised. Miles loves phoenix and so do i.

also HOT DAMN YOU WRITING IS JUST * MWAH *

Also the whole segment where they kiss is just !!!!! miles wants! it's beautiful! THEY'RE IN LOVEEE

receiving poisonous bottles which your ex tried to kill you with. My man can't get a break huh

Miles being chivalrous and protective and absolutely stealing my godsdamn heart (and phoenix's too)!

Klavier being the absolute king that he is we stan

The hostage situation section? gods miles must have been terrified.

Phoenix not being able to promise pearly that he'd always come back home and miles hearing it and like... ouch. my heart. you didn't need to do that (but i love your for it)

GODS THE CLIMAX WITH KRISTOPH WAS SOOO SATISFYING AND LIKE MY MAN PHOENIX REALLY PUNCHED THAT BITCH HUH

klavier baby I am so sorry

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!

and thus my comment ends. I believe I have almost used up all of my commenting limits and i leave with these few parting words : HOLY SHIT YOUR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!

also I made a playlist on spotify for this fic! here's the link : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3k8lRHiO8ZXQDLpiTUL7SN?si=fc3b35b4ab064867

gods this was long huh

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY....WHERE DO I BEGIN...THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE CHARACTER LIMIT ON AO3 AND MADE A PLAYLIST? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

thank you so much for all the amazing things you said....i am crying on a Wednesday morning knowing my writing was appreciated this much. thank you!

[flippin-fins]

Guilt

LadyNoir July 2021 Day 23: Guilt

Read on AO3

As Ladybug landed on the familiar balcony, she could see her partner’s slumped shoulders, a sure sign of his mood for the day. Not that she coud blame him. The excitement of defeating Hawkmoth and Mayura, of getting back the two missing miraculous, was easily overshadowed by what Chat Noir was going through.

All those years ago, when Ladybug had offhand mentioned the idea of Gabriel Agreste being Hawkmoth, she hadn’t expected it to be true, to lead to that night, surrounded by disappointment and butterflies.

She certainly hadn’t expected him to be the father of her partner, to watch the heartbreak cross Chat’s face as he realized who had been wearing the butterfly miraculous this whole time.

It was a good thing she had changed her mind on the knowledge of each other’s identities. Finding out who her partner was in the middle of the battle that they had been preparing for would have led to her being far more distracted than she was. Taking the time to realize what their identities meant for their partnership, for Marinette’s friendship with Adrien, proved to be important as she had his back that night.

And every night afterwards, for that matter. He hadn’t mentioned it, but after the arrests of his father and his assistant, the mansion was certainly too big, too empty, to stay in. More often than not, Ladybug would find Chat on the roof they met on for patrols, lost in his thoughts. It turned out tonight was no exception.

“Chat,” Ladybug called, not wanting to sneak up on him. She watched his shoulders drop, a sign he had heard her. At first, he had tried to turn her away, to try to deal with his pain alone, but Ladybug had been persistent. They were partners and she would be by his side through anything.

“Chat,” she whispered as she kneeled down, reaching out to rub his back. He leaned against her hand for a moment, before turning to her to reveal his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Pulling him in for a hug, she could only murmur, “Oh, Adrien.”

It wasn’t fair. No one deserved to be related to Hawkmoth, but Adrien Agreste least of all. The model-slash-superhero deserved a different life than he had been granted, but he had survived this one as an optimist, a piece of sunshine brightening everyone’s day.

Ladybug felt his shuddering breath against her, and she went back to rubbing his back, hoping to ground him, remind him how much she loved him.

She could feel his tears against her neck, and she bit her lip to stop her own tears. She wanted to move him, take him home for a night of warm croissants and cuddling while watching movies, but it was too soon to move him. The night was dark and they were high enough up to avoid being seen from any Parisians anyways.

Ladybug’s heart broke at the idea that Chat’s life had been destroyed, his family completely gone, but that wasn’t the worst part.

As she heard Chat Noir speak, apologizng, she knew the worst part. The guilt that struck deep, that he carried every day, that was the worst part.

As Ladybug, she had done all she could to convince Paris that Adrien hadn’t been involved in his father’s affairs, at least not in the way they implied. However, it took the police, after many more interviews than should have been necessary, agreeing with her statements before the city’s anger at the young model subsided.

Alya had been a good friend for listening to Marinette’s rants about that whole fiasco.

Chat Noir’s shuddering breaths brought her back to the roof. She could hear him trying to stop his tears, unsuccessfully trying to even out his breathing. Ladybug would let him go for a little longer before dragging him home.

Her parents had welcomed him into their lives with open arms, even before the public opinion had shifted. She was sure they’d found the two of them bundled in blankets on the couch, the glow of the tv illuminating the room, but her parents hadn’t enforced any boundaries, trusting the duo to be smart.

Marinette had never revealed their superhero identities to her parents, even if sometimes the older couple let on they knew more than they should. Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng had been more than willing to provide comfort, a home, to Adrien, and Marinette knew he cherished it more than he could say. She’d even found Adrien and her father in the bakery, Tom whispering secret family recipes as he showed the blond the best way to frost.

She remembered that night, holding him in her arms in her room. His sobs, unable to voice why he had been so hurt. How he hadn’t gotten to have moments like that with his father, always having been shut out, sure it was his own fault.

Her heart broke all over again at the memory.

All Ladybug wanted for Chat Noir, for Adrien Agreste, was for him to be happy, to feel loved, to never feel so shut out, so alone, the way he was in that house. Akumatizing the citizens of Paris was terrible, but sometimes the idea of how he treated Adrien, especially after his mother’s death, felt like the worse crime.

Finally, Chat’s breathing slowed, his shaking ceased, and Ladybug gently pulled him away from her shoulder, looking him in the eye.

His eyes were puffy, his hair more of a mess than usual, but to her he was just as beautiful as he was on the magazine covers. The sight of him took her breath away everyday.

‘I love you,’ her heart whispered, but her mouth said something different. “Come home with me? We can watch a movie, I could bake some cookies? Whatever you’d like.”

He nodded slowly, as if the simple movement exhausted him. She’d have to dig up some brie from the bakery to thank Plagg for letting him come out here night after night.

When they made it to her balcony, Ladybug made a move to go inside, but a hand on her wrist stopped her.

Turning, she saw Chat Noir settled on a lounge chair, eyes fixed on the stars. They weren’t as easy to see here in the city, but she knew he liked to spend nights caught up in their shine.

“Do you want me to get blankets for us?”

He nodded without looking at her, and it takes everything in her not to walk over and curl up by his side.

She moved quickly in her room, hoping not to disturb her parents. She’d kept a stockpile of blankets and pillows for nights on her balcony, and she was grateful to not have to stray too far from the blond that had captured her heart.

She slipped onto the balcony, nodding as Plagg and Tikki floated past her, presumably headed towards the bakery for some snacks.

Adrien helped her adjust the blankets until they were all spread out, and the friends could lay out on the cushioned ground.

It was easy to pretend, especially when they were snuggled under blankets and watching a movie or curled up and talking about their feelings on rooftops. It was easy to forget they were just partners, friends, and that was the extent of it. No matter how much her heart wanted more, it didn’t matter.

She wasn’t going to rush him, to risk the balance they had. She didn’t want to scare him away from the only support system he seemed to have.

Marinette had forgotten to grab her laptop, but snuggled under these blankets with him, their kwamis having returned and curled on their laps, she was content to just live in this moment.

She slowly reached out to run her fingers through his hair, listening as his breathing evened out. She’d noticed the dark bags under his eyes a while ago, but he hadn’t mentioned anything, so she pretended to not notice how often he fell asleep when they were together.

She tried to ignore her heart whispering they were better, more complete, together. That his state of relaxation was related to how perfect they were for eachother, as if the strength of their partnership with the masks equaled the safety they felt in the other’s arms.

Peeking up to look at his face, Marinette realized he was fully asleep. She hoped the same was true for Plagg and Tikki, but wasn’t brave enough to check, not wanting to find two sets of us peering up at her.

“I know I’m not what you wanted,” she whispered, hoping not to wake him. If her words brushed past his dreams, she was sure she didn’t mind. “But you deserve so much, so much more than the legacy you’ve been left behind to clean up. You deserve all the love in your life, possibly more. Do you even see how much love is out there? From Nino, Alya, our classmates? The love they have for such a good friend? From my parents? I’m pretty sure some of the recipes my dad has shared with you are ones that I’ve never been told. Even the love I -'' she froze, listening to his breathing, but it didn’t change. “Even the love I have for you.

“Love comes in many forms, and you deserve them all.”

She sighed, shifting slightly to lean against his chest.

“Loving you, it’s always been so easy. That moment with the umbrella, how fitting the crack of thunder was, unexpected and quick, just like the love I felt for Adrien. It wasn’t the model looks, but the sweetness, your smile, how nice you were to be when I didn’t deserve it. And Chat Noir,” Marinette smiled, playing with a loose thread on one of the blankets. “It wasn’t out of convenience, or you wearing me down, but who you are. The puns, the optimism. Your heart, how thoughtful you are as you check in with the Akuma victims, the first to remind them that it wasn’t their fault. Those moments we got to share, on patrols or against Akumas. Chat crept up on me, too slowly to notice, until one day I turned around and there it was, undeniable. You and me against the world, right?

“To think, I got the oppourtunity to fall in love with someone as amazing as you, twice.” She sighed again, letting herself be lost in the memories.

“I’ve spent so long picturing a future, a future with you, both versions of you. Dancing in the soft lights of Paris, coming home to sweet smiles, the small patter of feet. Even the smell of camenbert haunting my dreams.” Marinette sniffed, smiling to herself. She could feel Plagg snuggle closer, softly bunching the blanket.

She reached her free hand down to brush against both of the kwamis.

“But it doesn’t matter. Loving you, it could be so easy, but you deserve more. More than me, more than just someone that’s nearby. I’ll spend my life making sure you know how loved you are, even if it’s from a distance. Love isn’t because of or in spite of, it’s just there.”

She ran her fingers through his hair again. “Loving you was easy, but this could be enough. I love you enough that knowing you’re happy would be enough.”

Marinette startled when she felt something wet on her arm. Looking up, she was met with green eyes. She froze, caught in his gaze.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she recovered quickly.

“How much did you hear?”

“Do you mean it?” His voice was thick, his eyes still shining.

She looked in his eyes, but she didn’t know what she was looking for. After a moment, she blushed, looking away.

“Every word,” she breathed.

[alirhi]

okay. let's do this shit.

Guess what, bitches? Mama bear's back and angry all over again. Remember when I said I might dive into a ragepost about how Bucky's treated after completing the one about Loki? This is it. This is the post. Welcome to fucking Thunderdome.

I will actually try to keep it civil. No promises, but I'll try. and I will not be accepting "constructive criticism" about my rage. Just so we're clear.

Got it? Good. Let's dive in.

In case you don't want to read the whole thing (I know I get wordy) here's what this whole post will boil down to: BUCKY NEVER HAD A FUCKING CHOICE. NEVER. NOT ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

Now, quick reminder: I don't read comics. I know nothing about Bucky's comic canon, except what Sebastian liked to bring up as often as possible during TWS/CW promotions: at some point, Bucky boned Nat. XD Since Bucky only exists as a Marvel property, I won't be bitching about other source material being disrespected like I did with Loki. This is all MCU, my dudes. And honestly? That's enough, because though we don't see nearly enough of Bucky for my liking, we do manage to get a rich, deep backstory to him in the material we're given, partly thanks to better writing in the early days of the MCU, and partly thanks to Sebastian Stan's phenomenal acting. Unlike the writers of the Loki series, Seb knows how to show, not tell. And gods, what stories those eyes show...

Let's start with the army. In an old post illustrating what an absolute BAMF Bucky Barnes truly is, I mistakenly said he enlisted, and a kind soul educated me on the incredible attention to detail Marvel used to pay - in this case, Bucky's ID number. 32557038. As this kind, eagle-eyed soul pointed out to me, the first two digits of that number - 32 - signify that Bucky was drafted, specifically from the NY, NJ, DE area (that last part is rather obvious, as Bucky and Steve are from Brooklyn lol). Bucky didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted. He was forced to fight, or go to prison.

Bucky was born in 1917, which means - again, as someone pointed out to me a while back - he came of age during the Great Depression. As a child, he would likely have seen his parents living comfortably and able to shower each other and him and his sister with gifts and fun memories, and then POOF. Stock market crashes when he's only 12-years-old, and life becomes brutal and painful. He manages to have some fun with his best friend Steve, and spends his teens/early 20s chasing girls and keeping his stupid, stubborn, tiny friend from getting beaten to death.

Steve constantly has something to prove. He's absolutely got what my mom always called "little man's disease", and Bucky's just doing his best not to roll his eyes too much at this asthmatic chihuahua constantly trying to beat up Tibetan mastiffs. While Steve keeps lying on his enlistment forms (an actual crime) trying again and again to get into the army and prove what a badass he is (definitely not), Bucky's had enough trauma and upheaval in his life and he just wants his stupid friend to calm tf down and live. Enjoy the fact that he doesn't have to go to war and get his limbs blown off.

And then he gets fucking drafted. This sweet, resigned realist who knows exactly how dangerous the war really is, is forced to put on a uniform and go fight strangers alongside other strangers thousands of miles from everything he knows. And on his last night of freedom, when he just wants to hang out with his friend, see some cool gadgets, and dance with a pretty girl, his stupid angry chihuahua friend feels the need to lie and try to enlist again.

Okay. Gotta get back on track. Ragepost about mistreatment of Bucky, not how much Steve annoys me. Sorry. Anyway...

Bucky's drafted, accepts his shitty lot with a brave smile, and is shipped off to Europe, where he is captured by HYDRA and presumed by the Allies to be KIA. Instead, he's strapped down, tortured, and given the HYDRA version of the super serum against his will. Steve rescues him, and Bucky knows he can't leave his idiot friend to his own devices to get his head blown off, so he dives right back into the fray. And then he falls off a cliff, loses most of his left arm, and is declared dead...again. This one's pretty damn valid, though lol. Without the serum no one knew he'd been shot up with, there is no way he would have survived that fall.

Here is where Bucky's story gets truly heartbreaking: His autonomy, his ability to consent is stripped from him through electroshock torture/brainwashing. The trigger words are conditioned into him during this process, and boom. Ten words in Russian, and Bucky Barnes is gone. Even the confused, hurting shadow of him is gone, leaving only a perfectly obedient killing machine, with Bucky's pretty face. He's strong as all hell, though, so they can't keep him fully under their control for long, not without more torture, when the disorientation of being fucking frozen wears off on longer missions.

I cannot stress this point enough, guys: Bucky. Had. No. Choice. Not like the draft, where his choices (go and get shot at, refuse and go to jail, or dodge and run to Canada) just suck. No, he literally didn't have a choice. He had his ability to choose stripped from him. If that's too complex a concept to really sink in, try this: His brain was fucking raped. Repeatedly. For decades. Nothing the Winter Soldier ever did was Bucky's fault. Nothing. Ever. Not remotely, no matter how you fucking slice it. Bucky is not an assassin. I almost said "not a killer", but he was a soldier, and a sharpshooter. He definitely killed when he was himself, but that was in a war, not a series of assassinations.

So far, imo, so good. This is just a rundown of Bucky's pre-show backstory. I don't love what he had to suffer, but I do love how it was treated in the movies. People were afraid of him, but when they knew the whole situation, Steve, Nat, and Sam rallied behind him. Natasha had plenty of reason to want the Winter Soldier dead; he'd tried to kill her multiple times and almost succeeded. Sam had no reason to help Bucky at all; he didn't know him, didn't trust him, and again, TWS had tried to kill him. But he stood by Steve, and when Bucky showed the clear difference between himself and TWS, Sam stood by him, too, and fought alongside him.

And it's very realistic, imo, that Tony didn't give a single fuck that Bucky had no choice. He watched this man murder both of his parents on tape. If TWS had killed my dad and I saw proof of it, I'd try to kill Bucky, too. Grief wins out over logic. Most emotions usually do. And that's a very important point we're going to come back to in a few minutes.

Bucky was really only in like ten minutes at most of IW and Endgame, and for multiple reasons I hate those movies, so I'm just gonna skip them, kay? Kay. On to the main event!

Here's where I get pissed off. Even if I didn't have an unhealthy attachment to this character, or the depth of appreciation for his tragic backstory that I do, the lack of continuity between the movies and the show alone would still piss me off. It always does. Don't even get me started on Joss "Continuity? What continuity?" Whedon and his (iconic, but flawed) shows. Ahem. Back on track...

Let me just get one little thing out of the way real quick: I fucking LOVE The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I love it. This show amazed me when I first watched it, and I still love it after many more viewings lol. I have only ever watched it all the way through without skipping over as much John Walker shit as possible the one time lol but I love how Sam and Bucky interact, and I fucking adore how Sam's arc was treated. I just wish they'd show the same care and attention to Bucky.

Because what they did to Bucky in this show is a fucking travesty. There was a tiny ray of hope in the pilot, when he called out Dr. Bitchface for being a terrible shrink. I thought that would be the start of him realizing he needed to find someone else and ignore the damaging shit that woman was telling him. But...nope. No such luck.

The show really had a strong start, I'll give it that. We see Bucky having nightmares of his time as TWS and struggling to hide how his traumatic memories are affecting him as he tries to live in the world again. He befriends the father of one of HYDRA's victims, which can't be good for Bucky (and we're shown it's definitely not when he sees the shrine in Yori's home to his late son) but it's sweet, how he's trying to connect and reach out to someone who's hurting and lonely.

They drop the ball a little with the whole... Bucky can hack a fucking car, but can't figure out Tinder thing. Had they just run with the fandom interpretation of the tiger photos line, that it shows that Bucky is bi and left it at that, I'd have been okay with it (and no, that is not because I ship Sam/Bucky. it's because Bucky is and always has been a certified nerd who loves technology and has consistently shown very little issue learning to use new gadgets). The outdated flip phone he handed his terrible court-mandated shrink was a burner; I liked that theory when I read it, especially since it's the only time we see him even holding a phone that old lol. This all could have fit the "Bucky is a sassy bisexual nerd" narrative and it'd be okay. Instead, the director was like "NOOOOOO that line was just to show how old he is and how he can't figure out all this newfangled technology!" Woman, you had him remotely driving someone else's vehicle with a tablet. That is NOT a man who can't figure out a damn smart phone!

But that's just a minor annoyance. What fills me with absolute rage is how everyone - not just the shitty therapist who lashes out at and purposely triggers her traumatized patients, but EVERYONE - Sam, Zemo, people who should fucking know better ALL treat him like he's a psychopath and a ticking time bomb. Like he chose to take the serum and he chose to kill for HYDRA, and he's just seen the error of his ways. *barf*

Bucky in the movies is established to be a victim, through and through. His guilt over what he was forced to do is natural, and that he sees himself as a monster makes sense... but that doesn't mean it's correct. The one and only thing I ever liked about Steve Rogers is at least he got it. He pointed out that none of it was Bucky's fault, he tried to show him that he was worth saving. That's the other reason I refuse to talk about Endgame. This post will get a WHOLE LOT LONGER and a lot fucking angrier if I open that door.

Zemo supposedly knows everything about HYDRA and super soldiers... So why does he treat Bucky like he's a corrupt serial killer? (this, for the record, is why I don't like Zemo) Why does he never point out that Bucky was given the serum against his will, or that his actions, when he had control of them, proved that he was never corrupted? Bucky never wanted to become superhuman. Bucky didn't even want to fucking fight!

Sam, despite constantly resisting the label, is shown very clearly to be Bucky's friend. By episode 3, he cares. He worries about how Bucky is getting lumped in with the other super soldiers in Zemo's speech... But he never really defends him. He says "what about Bucky?" but he doesn't point out that Bucky's a good man, he's fought so hard to help people, he does everything he can to avoid killing... And that fucking speech in episode 5. I was with him on "you gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." I was like "YEAH! Tell him, Sam! Bucky, you're WORTH SAVING, boo! Your value does not hinge on someone else's opinion of you!" And then... Sam dropped the ball.

He not only continued the disturbing pattern of victim-blaming in this show, and in Marvel/Disney properties in general, but he gave really dangerously bad advice! No one in their right mind, mental health professional or no, would EVER tell a traumatized former assassin (whether he was responsible for his actions or not) to go confront his victims' families out of the blue with no warning and no one to mediate and keep things from going to shit. Yori already knew his son had been murdered because he was in the "wrong place, wrong time." How is it being "of service" to tell him you're the one who killed him?! Remember how I said Tony's reaction to learning the full truth about his parents' deaths was valid and would be an important point later? Hi! Welcome to later. THAT is the natural reaction to facing the man who murdered your loved one(s). And even if Yori didn't get angry and lash out, HOW IS IT "HELPING" HIM OR BRINGING HIM "CLOSURE" TO KNOW THAT HIS FRIEND KILLED HIS FUCKING SON?!?!?! This man befriended him, bonded with him, watched him grieve... And now he's learning this is the man who caused all his pain and heartache to begin with? That is so toxic and psycho I just... I can't even... UGH.

And then there's the equally toxic and damaging "deeply traumatized person just needed a stern talking to and a hug to be ALL BETTER AGAIN" ending. I loved seeing Bucky happy and socializing, but it was too soon, and it was unearned. And it sends a fucking awful message to people actually struggling with PTSD, and to their loved ones who don't know how to help them. Heaping more blame on them and then hugging it out is NOT helpful!

This show could have been damn near perfect with just two changes. That's all. Just two. 1) Someone, anyone, bringing up the reasons why Bucky was never a villain in his presence. Someone being in his corner and reminding him, like Steve did, that it wasn't his fault and he's not going to "snap". 2) More time devoted to Bucky's healing. Actual fucking healing, not the shit they tried to pass off as a magic fix-all. He can have his happy barbecue moment, just don't frame it as "everything's great now!" Healing isn't linear, and there will be both good days and bad. Some of the most fragile people in the world have the brightest smiles.

If we get a season 2, which this amazing show absolutely deserves, and they address this stuff, all will be forgiven in my book. Expanding on his story and his journey toward healing will help to reframe that "happily ever after" garbage as something more realistic. But as it stands now... Fuck Marvel.

[alreadyblondenow]

I’ll never leave again

Yuta x reader // SMUT, ANGST, fluff? Summary: A Japanese transferee added color to your already colorful and perfect life and you both find true love as you help him with his battle against drugs.   Word Count: 7k Warnings: MAJOR DRUG USES, wearing, explicit mature themes, mentions of alcohol, blood, hospital, rehab, unprotected sex, mentions of other idols Note: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO DRUGS, PLEASE CLICK AWAY. THANK YOU. this fic is 100% came from my imagination, unlike my other works that are inspired from true events and personal experiences, this fic is 100% made up. 

Spaced out and really not in the mood to socialise, you were busy thinking how you’re going to break things off with your boyfriend Jaehyun. The perfect captain of the cheerleading squad and the handsome captain of the basketball team, together and being high school sweethearts is kind of getting old to you. And by getting old you mean you don’t love Jaehyun anymore. Not that he cheated on you or he treated you badly, no Jaehyun’s a great guy. It’s just that maybe he is not what your heart wants anymore.

It’s hard to explain something you cant even understand. You can’t actually pin point when did you start forcing yourself to see Jaehyun and why is this happening. “I can’t just stage a cheating scenario, that’s not me. I think Jaehyun deserves the truth” thats your response when Yeeun suggests to stage a cheating act where Jaehyun will see some random dude in your bed. “He will not buy it. Because he knew I can’t cheat” you added making Yeeun more frustrated.

To finish all your problems regarding breaking up with Jaehyun, you decided to just tell him the truth. He believed everything you said. “I felt it. Your kisses became different” Jaehyun said after you explained your part, you were glad that the breakup was mutual.

Now that you’re on your senior year, you wanted to focus on studying and trying new things. You gave up cheerleading and entrusting the squad to Yeeun. Giving up cheerleading was not a problem even though literally all of your friends are part of the squad, but they understand you. You’re just following your heart. Cheerleading is soon replaced by art, your second passion next to dancing and you couldn’t be more happier.

Everything was going smooth, having good grades, self love, and more art. Although, people in school still see you as this popular cheerleader who used to be with the school star player, you’re having a hard time making new friends. Until you met Nakamoto Yuta. A Japanese transferee who’s always quiet, private and scary because he had a lot of piercings. Not to you of course, you never see him that way. You met at the football field while you were having a quick sketch of the sunset with all your coloring materials just after a long day at school. “You should try using soft pastels, they’re more easier to blend” he said peaking from the back bleacher, you turned around to check who it is.

“I’m Yuta by the way, we have the same art class” he’s a little shy and awkward, but nice enough to introduce himself first. You knew you go to the same art class, actually he is quite an artist. He can be top of the class if only he submits his works.

“Hi, I’m y/n” you smiled at him offering a hand shake but you realised your hand is dirty because of the oil pastel. “We can fist bump instead” you suggest and he let out a small laugh. He looks beautiful under the perfect orange light from the sunset, his skin is unbelievably white and flawless, he looks unreal and you can’t stop staring.

“So...” he snapped out of you, “it’s nice to me you y/n. I hope you take my advice” you nod and waved goodbye as he leaves you alone with your drawing session. Your heart is beating so fast and you don’t know why but one things for sure, you find Yuta attractive. Really attractive.

The next day, you made sure to buy soft pastels and it did made your life easier. You wanted to thanked him but he didn’t come to school for two days. It really is useful to you, it made you work faster and easier, you couldn’t stop drawing and filling your sketchbook with colors.

After three days, he made his appearance again in school and he looked like shit. Maybe he got sick? That’s why he haven’t been showing up. Whatever the reason is, it made you shy to talk to him and tell him all about the things you already create with colors that he recommended. But destiny was being a little too friendly, he caught you again sketching your heart out at the bleachers.

“You work fast” he came out of nowhere again.

“Yes! Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but you seem not well I couldn’t bother you” he smiled at you like there’s nothing wrong, “If you want, I could show you some of mine, a- at home if you want” you noticed he’s being friendly and who are you to refuse.

Yuta brought you to his house, just five streets from your home. Turns out Yuta is rich... and alone, he lives with his Japanese butler, Ruka. “My family is in Japan if you’re wondering” he tells more information about him while you two walk upstairs to his room. The house is simple but it was too spacious, it feels lonely and cold but you kept that thought to yourself. Good thing Yuta’s room is full of colors, different kind of masterpiece are put up on his wall, lots and lots of drawing and coloring materials neatly stacked on his working table, and a beautiful view of the town from his window.

“Uhm, if you need something from my stuff I’ll gladly give it to you” still amazed by what you’re seeing right now, all you want to do is look at all of his works. “Wow - that’s uhm, too much but I’m happy you can introduce me to a lot of art materials” you can’t hide your excitement, everything in his desks looks new to your eyes and you can’t help but ask questions about different materials. ‘What’s this for?’ ‘How do you use this?’

Not to mention you’ve been praising his works for almost half an hour already. He’s happy that you find him as a great artist and that you’re willing to be friends with him, seeing you in his room gives him hope. Ruka knocked at Yuta’s door and invited you to have dinner with them, you didn’t notice it’s already dark and you definitely need to go home already. But you didn’t want to leave Yuta yet, “Sure. I’d love to”

Even the smell of their freshly cooked dinner is new to you, since their both Japanese they only eat Japanese food everyday. “I hope you like Japanese food, I asked him to order takeout but Ruka insists. Told me you should try his cooking” he whispers beside you while Ruka is busy preparing the table. “It’s fine, I don’t get to eat Japanese food always so I don’t mind” you smiled to Yuta, taking away his worries.

The food was delicious, and the dinner table was full of laughter and stories from Ruka. They were both exchanging stories, telling you too much information you don’t need to know, but they tell you anyway. You found out that Yuta plays soccer and he’s a really good player, he’s an impulsive buyer when it comes to his art materials and your favorite information for the night, Yuta has seventeen piercings. The three of you laughed and laughed the whole dinner time while enjoying the delicious Udon and a lot of deep fried seafood.

Later that night Yuta walked you home and endlessly thanked you for spending time with him. “Everything that happened today is so random, but I could get used to this” you said, secretly hoping you could spend some more time with him. “This is my house. I would normally invite you to come in, but its pretty late - which reminds me” your voice and your hands were shaking, pretty sure you’re blushing too. “We have this thing every Friday. Me and my family- uhh, just meet me here at 7?” How brave of you to ask.

If Yuta could only shout and scream from happiness he would, instead he just gave you a nod and a sweet smile before he waved goodbye to you. “See you tomorrow” he shouts before you get inside.

There’s no way of hiding it, you have a crush on Yuta. And you cant ruin this wonderful friendship by being obvious, you told yourself. The next day you made an effort to look cute, “so much for not being obvious” you talk to yourself through the mirror. As you get on with your day, you can’t stop thinking how Yuta is a complete charmer and a really nice guy. Gentleman enough to walk you home in the middle of the night and smiling so sweetly before he leaves.

Yuta on the other hand, has been asking about you to his friends. It’s either they tell him that you’re smart, pretty and popular or they tell him that you are the former captain of the squad. No one told him the things that he single handedly found out about you. In Yuta’s eyes you’re this simple girl that has her life all planned out already. He understood the whole popularity thing because whats not to love about you?

Hiding his excitement, he was pretty early but you told him it’s perfectly fine. Your family adored Yuta, they were all talking nonstop the whole night asking questions about Japan. Which made you worry actually, what if Yuta was hurting and he misses his family or miss Japan in general. Yuta seemed to enjoy everyone’s company, at least that’s what you think and you could only hope that he’s not faking it.

“Sorry, this is the least I can do. The dinner last night was so great, I wanted to invite you over” you brought him to your room so you could have some privacy. Which is not normal. The last guy you brought to your room was Jaehyun, and that happened two years ago.

He was busy looking around your room with an amused smile, looking at the pictures taken from crazy parties, cheerleading competitions, and basically every important event of your life. Yuta let out a small laugh when he saw your cheerleading uniform framed and hanged on your wall.

“What’s so funny about it?” you giggle while you both look at the framed uniform.

“I’ve never seen something like this before, I guess I’m amazed” to be honest he really is amazed that your uniform became something like a trophy that you display around your room. “I bet you look good wearing it” he was smiling while looking at you when he said that. Suddenly the room became hot.  

“You should smile more often, your smile is nice” to divert the attention, of course you praised him again.

“If you think my smile is beautiful, you should’ve seen yours” there’s no getting away with that so you just accepted it.

On the following days, you’ve been spending more time with Yuta talking, drawing and getting to know each other more. And the more you spend time with him, your feelings grow and grow. In a matter of weeks, you’re sure you’ve completely fallen in love with him.

He became your friend, in fact your only friend since you left cheerleading. Every friend of yours is either a cheerleader or jock, given that they’re all athletes, they don’t have time for you anymore. That’s why you think Yuta is a life saver.

Not long ago, you discovered about Yuta’s drug addiction. Weed, Meth, Heroin, all kinds. Maybe that’s why sometimes he’s so spaced out and he miss school a lot. “Yuta’s parents sent him here because of his drug addiction, only he can help himself” Ruka explained to you over coffee while Yuta is out doing whatever he’s doing. Even though he has problems, you still stick with him. He’s still a nice guy who loves his art, the same nice guy your family adored. With or without drugs.

One night, you were playing Jenga with him on his bedroom floor with a few bottle of beers and snacks on the side. “I’m going to win, I’m good at this” he totally loves teasing you whenever you two get competitive with each other. “You wish. Okay my turn” you said after drinking your beer in one down, but the Jenga tower fell off and Yuta laughed so hard he has tears on his eyes. He saw your face completely pissed off as you open another beer and building the tower again for another game.

“Who’s Jaehyun?” you were surprised at his question, something a student from your school wouldn’t dare ask because the whole school knows him.

“Oh right, you’re a transferee” he sat up and sat closer to you, legs crossed and both arms are supporting him on the floor “Uhm. He’s my ex. We’ve been together for two years? I think. And then I broke with him, over the summer because I don’t love him anymore - the breakup was mutual, if you’re wondering” He nods, and ready to ask you another question.

“Do you like someone now?” he reached for your hand which made you stop building the tower and intertwined it with his. You wonder why he’s suddenly so bold and confident. You nod, completely speechless.

“Is it me?” Yuta bravely asks, and you nod without hesitation.

He reached for your lips and kissed you gently, cupping your face as his thumb swipes on your cheeks admiring your beauty. Time stopped the moment you touch lips and you feel the happiness in your stomach balls up, ready to explode.

“This is probably wrong”

And suddenly that happiness you felt was replaced by confusion. He pull away from your touch leaving you so confused and still in shock. “What’s so wrong about this?” you asked him while getting him to look you in the eyes, tugging his arm so he wont’s get too far.

“I’m a drug addict y/n. You can’t be with someone like me. Cliché as it sounds but, I’m scared to ruin your life. You’re this perfect person who I happen to meet at football field and you’re just nice enough to welcome me in your life”

He looks frustrated and confused as you are but you knew damn well that meeting him is something you don’t regret. “You don’t get to push me away just because you decided to be honest with your feelings and somehow decided to be a coward afterwards” it wasn’t easy to stay calm but you tried so hard, your grip on his hand was becoming tighter and he noticed it. “I like you! And you make me happy. You’re the one who put color in my life, well literally and figuratively. But my point is, don’t throw us away” you decided to be brave and kissed him again. This time, hungrier and full of need. You sat on his lap and pushed him down slowly all the way to the floor. Hands all over each other, switching positions and rolling on the floor without stopping the kiss.

It was not a surprise for everyone when you went public, they already foresee what’s going on between you two. Your family still adored Yuta just like how they adored him from the first time they met him. The whole popularity problem in school completely changed in a good way because of Yuta. More people from school are talking to you now, they’re not scared or shy to be friends with you anymore because Yuta somehow changed everyone’s perspective. With Yuta you’re this normal person who’s happy to be with his boyfriend.

Happy days are nothing but pure laughter and great memories with Yuta. Movie night with Yuta and Ruka with a bunch of Japanese treats on the side is your new Friday night schedule. And inviting Yuta and Ruka for family dinner during special occasions has been a thing that made Yuta happy. He told you he’s a sucker for spending time with family but his family is in Japan and he can’t go home until he’s clean. That was the night you decided that you will never leave Yuta’s side.  

Yuta is this bright color that made your life even more colorful. He is this man, full of surprises and definitely no dull moment. You learned how to take care of him in your own ways without making him feel sorry for himself. Vulnerable, important and ordinary, that’s what he made you feel. And by ordinary, you mean no social pressure from the people around you. Just two normal people who fell in love in a normal way. Sometimes, situations can be a handful but it was never a problem for the both of you. Yes he has drug issues but for you, Yuta deserves to be loved. And no one can stop you from loving him.

Your love for each other grew and grew until you reach being intimate with each other.

It was raining hard and the wind was strong, you decided to stay over at Yuta’s house. Already washed up and fresh, you wait for your boyfriend in his bed as he turned off the lights in his room and replaced it with scented candles.

“You look comfortable there” he giggle as he crawls in bed and sat beside you leaning on his headboard. It’s chilly and cold in Yuta’s room, you cant help but be closer to him. Closer as possible.

“You like that?” You hum and nod with eyes closed to answer him. Surprisingly, he kissed you and your eyes opened only to see Yuta’s handsome face close to yours. The kiss was slow and you were both taking time savouring this quiet memory. It went on like that for some time, until the kiss became wet and needy. He hungrily kissed you bitting and licking your lips. Hands creeping just under your shirt, all the way to your clothed boobs and skilfully unclasps your bra. Gently kneading your right boob and doing a circular motion on your nipple.  

“We’ve never gone this far” you said as you catch your breath, and went back to kissing him a little bit slowly this time.

“Do you think its time?” He managed to ask you in between those soft kisses, giving you sweet pecks. You nod excitedly. “Sit between my legs” you followed what he told you, completely clueless on what he’s going to do next.

“Spread your legs wide” it suddenly became hotter as you spread your legs nervously. Your head is resting on his shoulder, back against his chest, heart beating so fast as you wait for his next move. “Yuta, can you kiss me?” your voice cracked but he just smiled, and shook his head. “Not until you remove your shorts and panties” and so you did. Hurriedly removing your thin shorts and laced panties, throwing them on the floor.

The moment his finger had contact with your wet slit you gasp and grabbed his shoulder gripping it tightly as you moan. You feel like this is new to you but it isn’t, of course you’re not a virgin anymore and Jaehyun did a fair share on that. “Yuta- Ah! Baby I’m almost there” with heavy breaths and sharp gasps, you warn him and at the same time stopping yourself from cumming too early.

“Wider” he said so calmly, you followed spreading your legs wider. Fingers drilling a little harder than before and you finally let go. Shivering and catching your breath, eyelids already heavy. He licks your parted mouth as you enjoy your high, filthy but fucking hot. His breath smells like mint.

“You seem so calm the whole time you were finger fucking me” with all the energy left in your body, you went back to laying on his side.

“Yeah well my cock isn’t” he kissed you on the forehead and tells you, “i love you, you sound beautiful the whole time. I was busy listening to you”

You have something on your mind right now that you’re somehow scared to ask because he might refuse, “I have a question” you sat up and sat on his lap. Your legs and pussy are still exposed, and you’re making Yuta’s cock even more hard. “Why did you not ever asked me to have sex with you?”

“Well will you have sex with me baby?” Just like that, straightforward and calm like the Yuta you know. You were both giggling like little kids for some time while waiting for your answer. It’s not that you don’t want to but you were just shy to say your answer out loud.

“You’re shy, aren’t you?” of course he knew you’re being shy. He’s your boyfriend who happens to know everything about you. “Well, I’m horny” he sat up to reach your lips, kissing you gently but enough to prove that he is horny. Slowly his kisses went to your neck, making you moan softly. But you pull away not telling him anything. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking right. Please don’t be mad-“

To his surprise, you removed your shirt and your unclasped bra. Now you’re fully naked on top of your boyfriend, “It’s not fair that I’m the only ones naked here, baby” you grab the end of his shirt and helped him to removed it. “You scared me” he managed to tell you in between hungry kisses, “you’re so in trouble” he added and pushed you on the mattress.

Laughing like a little girl, while Yuta is busy kissing your naked body beneath him. Your head is dangling on the edge of the bed seeing his room upside down. His cock is poking your thigh the moment he’s on top of you naked, and you’re positive that it made you nervous. “Baby, I think your cock wont fit me” your boyfriend was amused by what you just said, “It will” is the only response he said before licking your nipples and sucking them gently. He grabbed your right leg putting it on his shoulder and kneeled in between your legs, lining his cock in your entrance.

Slowly he pushed his cock inside you making you bite your hand and close your eyes to stop yourself from moaning too loud. “See? it fits” Yuta is doing the opposite, he’s groaning with every thrust he give you letting out sounds you didn’t know he can make. Whimpering like a little boy beside your neck, you can hear him clearly. As his pace goes faster you were losing your mind at how good he fucks you for the first time.

“Don’t fucking stop” with heavy breath and gasp, you reached for his neck and encircled your arms around him. Legs spreading wider for him, moans becoming a little bit louder. The bed is shaking you’re sure Ruka can hear you both.

“Y/n, if you don’t stop moaning like that- I swear” his thrust became quicker and sharper leaving you speechless. Your pussy clenched the whole time trying to fight the sensation and trying so hard not to be on edge yet. But it’s a battle you can’t win, Yuta is so good at making you let go. You didn’t say that you were cumming but he can tell because your legs were already shaking and you were grabbing everything you can on bed and gripping it a little too hard. He pulls out and pumped his cock in front of you making his cum land perfectly on your boobs. Just the sight of his cum on your beautiful body, makes him hard again.

You grabbed him with both hands through the neck, and pull him on your chest kissing him a little too harsh. Filthy as it looks but you don’t care. You spread your legs again and put a hand in between the two of you and grabbed his hard cock. Pushing it inside you again, he let you do what you want. In a matter of seconds, he’s inside you again.

“I was disappointed, you didn’t cum inside me” you pout and he thrust again without a single word making your head roll back again, smiling like a fool because you got want you want. Yuta fucked you again, but this time rougher and he get to cum inside you.  

“Sorry if I didn’t cum inside you earlier” he kissed your forehead while you calm down from your orgasm. You still can’t talk and you’re still catching your breath, all you can do is smile as you wait for your legs to stop shaking.

And that was the start of having sex with Yuta with every chance you get. Making out in your room that leads to sex before doing homework. Watching the sunset through his window still naked and all over each other. Sex was different with Yuta, it was damn wild and filthy but full of love. Something you never felt before.

Whenever you’re busy working on something in the art room and Yuta needed to fetch you there, you make out with him for some time because he missed you already. Even though anyone can just enter and catch you two, he never cared.

If you’re not allowed to go out on a Friday night, he will sneak up to your room through your open window while you were sleeping and kiss you quietly until you wake up. You love having quiet sex with Yuta in your room because its funny how you two try to stop moaning too loud. On top of that, he needed to stop himself from fucking you too hard and remind him to go slow from time to time.  

Your fear of giving him a blowjob because you’re not that confident with it completely changed when one day you were just so hungry for his cock and you went down on your knees and gave him a blowjob for the first time. That’s during lunch and you brought him to the locker room where you and Jaehyun used to make out before practice. To your surprise Yuta came three times in your mouth, for some reason he loved it. From there on he always ask you for a blowjob and you always gladly give him what he wants.

If there are days with him that are nothing but pure happiness, of course there are days that are almost impossible to bare. All you can do is be strong and keep your patience long, remind yourself that you love Yuta no matter what happens. You really don’t know where it all started, or what triggered him to go back on drugs but you noticed he’s been busy and he’s not telling you the whole truth whenever you ask him ‘what’s up?’

After spending six beautiful months together, suddenly Yuta is gone again for days. He’s been missing a lot again and that can only mean he’s out somewhere taking drugs or he’s taking drugs and he’s in trouble. When you came to his house, Ruka was stopping you from entering the house but you insist.

“What is it Ruka?” you know he’s hiding something from you and Yuta is inside. So you shout from the outside, forcing Yuta to come out. He did. Limping and face all beat up. You’re not mad or disappointed, you were simply worried about him. “He got home this morning, and he’s still high from drugs. I don’t think this is a great time y/n.”

You look at each other’s eyes from a far, both hurt but yours is not physical. Broken heart, that’s what pains you. It’s hard to step away from his house, looking in his eyes full of hurt. Deep down you know he wanted to hug your kiss but he can’t because he can’t fucking move and he’s too humiliated.

What you saw today was too much and you needed a breather. It’s good that its Friday, you can be with your friends and somehow divert your mind. “People can get beaten up with a lot of reasons specially when drugs is involved” Johnny says while drinking his beer and playing beer pong with the others. “Don’t think about it too much, he’s going to be okay” Yeeun shouts from another side of the table. All of your friends were supportive with the relationship you have with Yuta even though they know about his drug problems. You spent days being with your friends while Yuta is recovering and there’s not a day where you don’t check up on him.

A week passed already and theres still no sign of Yuta. You can’t just show up in front of his house again, you didn’t want to disturb his recovery. Besides, school works are pilling up you need to focus studying and finishing some of the requirements. Your mind is buried into Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and you didn’t notice you passed out. When you woke up, you found Yuta beside you all snuggled up and waiting for you to open your eyes.

“Am I dreaming?” you closed your eyes and opened them again, no you’re not dreaming. He smile a little, you figure he’s still in pain. “Are you alright now? How did you get in?” you sat up to check his face and his arm. “I’m alright, I just needed to see you. I can’t take it anymore. I missed you so much” he reached for your hands and kissed your knuckles. He pats the mattress telling you to come lay with him in bed, and you did. Fingers intertwined and bodies close to each other, just how you like it.

“Why do you stay with me? You’re this perfect girl that fell in love with an addict”

For some reason you were scared of how he asked you that question. It almost felt like he’s going to leave you. There was a minute of complete silence before you answer him, “Because thats what you do if u love someone. You don’t give up on them. And just so you know I love you, and Im in love with you”

He chuckled but still careful not to overdo it because of the bruises in his face, “I know. I know that all too well” he placed his hand just above your jaw, and left a kiss on your forehead. “I’m trying to be better for you so I wont have to leave you eventually and go to fucking rehab. I can do this right?” hearing Yuta say that made you realise you were wrong about him wanting to leave you. He doesn’t want to leave, he wanted to be better for you. You kissed him on the lips pouring everything from the past couple of weeks in it. The kiss was wet but it wasn’t because of spit, but because of tears.  

After what happened, he tried being clean but he just ends up taking drugs over and over again. There was a time that you caught him taking cocaine in his bathroom and he shut the door with a loud slam and told you to go home. Seeing him do things like that pains you to the core. He never wanted to hurt you like this, he never pushed you away because deep down he wanted to be better and if that happens he wants you to be on his side.

A week before prom, Yuta made sure he’s clean and he promised you he will never ruin prom night for you. As a way of celebrating for being fourteen days clean and spending time with each other, you had sex after a wonderful night spent with Yuta.

“Fuck I missed being inside you” he whispers behind your ear while his fucking you with a steady pace. As always, the way he fucks you can make you lose your mind and smile like a fool while moaning and gasping at the same time. You closed your eyes as you let go of the feeling and cum for the first time tonight, the moment you open your eyes you see Yuta’s eyes closed completely blown by the frenzy on being on edge. And bleeding.

His nose is bleeding uncontrollably.

“Baby- you need to stop” opening his eyes to ask if he hurt you, he saw the blood on your boobs, completely panicking. “Did I do this to you baby- where does it hurt?” you were crying already, not talking to him as you quickly wore your clothes and screamed for help, calling Ruka as loud as you can.

Yuta was completely clueless but his head was spinning and he feels so weak suddenly. “Baby! Don’t close your eyes, you can die-  please stay with me” you were practically slapping his face to keep him awake as you help him wear his pants.

Everything happened so fast the moment you see his nose bleeding nonstop. You and Ruka rushed him to the hospital as quickly as you can. You were alone at the waiting lounge as Ruka takes care of everything Yuta needs to stay in the hospital.

All of your friends weren’t picking up because maybe they’re sleeping and tired from practice. But one person picked up and made his way to the hospital and brought you some clothes as soon as he can.

“I’m sorry Jaehyun, I didn’t know anyone else to call. I cant just simply call my family” Jaehyun was holding you close and comforting you as you cry for a whole hour. After changing to clean clothes, Ruka called you in to talk to Yuta. While Jaehyun is hesitating to come with you,  “Jae, come on its okay. He’ll be happy to see you”  

You were happy to see Yuta completely awake and smiling once you opened the door and entered the room with Jaehyun. You sat beside Yuta and kissed him on the forehead, “the sex was so good, you made me bleed” he joked around making all three of you laugh and you tear up again. “What’s happening to you?” you weren’t sure you wanted to know but you do know it’s nothing good.

“I’m fine baby, no need to worry” of course he will not tell you what’s going on because he didn’t want to make you worry. “Thank you Jaehyun. For being with her” Jaehyun nods at him and pats Yuta’s arm.

Suddenly your excitement for prom is replaced with worries for Yuta’s health. He needs to stay in the hospital for a week, and that covers prom. “We’re still on for prom right?” you were laying with him on the hospital bed as he shower you with kisses. If there’s anything he hates more than anything, that is making you disappointed. “Of course” you kissed him back, making him blush. “Can’t wait to see you crowed, Prom Queen” even though that’s not important to you anymore, you just nod and rolled your eyes on him.

He did got out from the hospital a day before prom, leaving him with only a day to rest. Ruka got him a nice tux that fits him really well, and you on the other hand tried to forget things that happened last week that completely ruined your prom excitement.

After working so hard on your hair and makeup, you finished getting ready just in time for your friends to pick you up. But Yuta is not yet here, when he’s supposed to be here already an hour before your friends arrived. “I think you guys should go, I’ll wait for him a little longer. I’ll see you there, okay?” you wave goodbye to your friends as you wait for Yuta on your porch.

You called Ruka to ask about Yuta, hoping maybe he just got problems with his tux. “Hey, Ruka uhm, is Yuta still there?” his answer broke your heart. The excitement was replaced with worries again, you called Yuta’s phone a hundred times but he never picks up.

A car parked in front of your house, hoping it’s Yuta. But it’s not, it’s Jaehyun. He drove to your house because he was worried, “What’s happening?” he worriedly asked. You were still trying to call Yuta’s phone, still no answer.

“Come one y/n, I’ll take you to prom” Jaehyun offered, but as much as you wanted to accept his offer Yuta’s excitement from the other day, flashed in your mind and you know you can’t go.

“I can’t Jae, thank you and I know you mean nothing but kindness. I’ll wait for Yuta here, he will get hurt if I go without him” Jaehyun didn’t really want to leave you but you made your choice.

The moment Jaehyun left, your tears finally fall. You were crying when your mom gave you a blanket and invited you to go wait for him inside. “I’m fine, thanks for the blanket” you were so hurt to even move. And you’re not hurt because he ditched you to prom, you’re hurt because you can’t reach him and you’re worried for him. A lot of things may have happened to him and that’s what worries you.

A week later, Ruka met you after school and told you that Yuta is finishing high school through home study under your school’s supervision. “He’s still part of the school, I’ll convince him to attend graduation. But,” something bad is about to happen, you thought.  “he wanted me tell you that, he’s breaking up with you” and that’s it. You burst into tears after hearing the bad news. It was so hard to breath, hearing those words from Ruka and not directly from Yuta. But you trust Yuta’s decision and maybe it’s for the best. With a heavy heart, you hugged Ruka goodbye and left without another word.

You tried putting up a big smile during graduation and hugging everyone you knew all throughout high school, except for one important person. A week after graduation, you left for college. Still with a heavy heart but you wanted to move on and have a fresh start.  

Ten years later

It’s impossible to forget your first love specially if that someone made an impact to your life. You’re sitting on the very spot where you met Yuta remembering how you were charmed by his smile. Mouthing the exact same words he told you before introducing himself first, ‘You should try using soft pastels, they’re more easier to blend’ smiling after you realised you’re completely a fool for still dwelling from the past.

You shrug it of and decided to go back to your high school reunion, maybe people are already looking for you. You stood up from the bleacher, “hi” and you almost fell from where you were standing and the person in front of you is to blame.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry” you told the man that it’s okay and you should get going, not even bothering to look who he might be. It’s weird that the man isn’t letting go of your hand, “Excuse me. I need my hand-“ your heart beats fast like the moment you first saw him. Nothings changed that’s for sure, except his hair color.

“Yuta” your eyes were full of tears but you were smiling the whole time. He pulled you in for a tight hug, holding you close like how he used to. It feels like a dream, you thought. A dream that you never want to end. Catching up with lost time, you spend the night with him forgetting about the high school reunion and watching over the same blue sky you used to look at years and years ago from his room.

He’s now an owner of a popular art gallery in Japan, which you happened to know about. “No way! You own that place, I went there just last year for work” he nods, and told you he knew. And he can’t believe you’re standing inside his art gallery. “I got scared. That’s why I didn’t talked to you” then you remember, on that day you were supposed to meet the owner of the gallery, “That’s why we talked to your secretary instead of the owner… which is you” he was nodding the whole time like a fool. It’s fun laughing the whole night not minding the time, he’s the same man you fell in love with.

“We missed prom because I was busy getting high” he suddenly blurted out when the both of you was silent.

“I went to your house I saw you waiting for me outside, crying because I ditched you” he’s wrong, you were crying that time because you were worried sick. But you saved your explanation for later, for now you just wanted him to explain his part.

“And I know I’m ten years late but, you look beautiful in that red lipstick. And oh! That dress on you, Mmm! I was admiring you from a far, and you were perfect” there he is again, making you laugh “and me I was high that time and I couldn’t ruin your night even more. I cant ruin your life even more” he reached for your hand and kissed it like he used to.

“That was my breaking point. After I finished the home study program, I begged my mom to put me in rehab, I want to be better for you. As always y/n. But as I got better I figured maybe you forgot about me already so I focused on getting better for myself. Went to college, had a job and now this. All better. Never want to go back” he left you speechless again, but he deserves to know the truth.

“Im sorry Yuta, I didn’t know. But for the record I was crying because I just wanted to see you that time. It doesn’t matter if you were high as a kite. I couldn’t care less about prom. I was waiting for you until the sun goes up and you never showed up. I was blaming myself maybe, I didn’t loved you enough thats why you left”

“No no, don’t say that. You were more than enough” tears never stopped falling from your eyes and Yuta hated seeing you cry. So he kissed you on the lips for the first time again for so many years. You rest your forehead on his, taking time to process everything that’s happening right now. Completely aware of what’s running in your mind right now he suggests to take things slow before coming back to each other’s lives again.

“Take all the time you need. I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never leave again”

................................................. Masterlist

Thank you for reading if you get up to this point hihi. Million thanks to every reader like you. 

I had a hard time finishing this fic because the word count is originally, 9k+ and I’m not sure if my readers are up for that long fic... because I usually post fics that are 6k max long. But I guess it is what it is. 

Hope someone enjoyed this fic huhu 

[suckjasmins]

The love story Part 1

A/n soo im rewriting this story lol i just felt like i could do better so yeah and sorry for being gone for so long (if anyone noticed) i didnt and still dont have wifi, I only have it when my sister is home and she works lol so it will take time for me to post

edit: guess who has wifi bitches!!?? this bitch right here!!

Pairings: Bakugou x Reader

Word count: 2069 (nice) words

Warnings: none lol

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Only the sound of the rain and the thunder was the only thing anyone heard. It was one of the few days where it rained and usually would be celebrated. Living in the desert like place, only heat and blinding sun was regular. A rainy day was like a blue moon, and everyone, celebrated it. The kids would play in it, the young adults would party in it, the elders would simply stand in it and converse with one another. Music and laughter would be the only thing anyone heard. This day was the opposite however, and the reason for it? More than half of the village was gone, they were on a hunting trip that should only lasted for a few weeks. It had been a few months now, and everyone was beginning to lose their hope of the hunting group returning. The only ones left were, children and elders and a few adults that had stayed for different reasons.

You were one of the adults that stayed, your reason was that you fell sick right before leaving. It was then decided that it was too dangerous for you to leave the village. It took all of your friends to convince you to stay. And let's say you were furious that you had stayed, especially now that the group were now gone. But you were not the only one who's heart were filled with rage and sorrow.

The warriors and the dragons had left to hunt the orcs who had dangerously been inching in close to the village. The whole village thought that if they could get rid of the orcs now. All would be safer, and the orcs didn't have the recourses to go to war now, so why wait until the orcs can?

You sat on the floor at the opening of the tent. Watching the puddle, you thought about how hot it still was when it was raining. You thought about your friends, and what you would be doing if they were here. You probably would be dancing and partying in the rain. And nobody would be able to hear the siren over the music, unlike right now when it was going off. The siren that only was used to important things, to signal when a new season started or when someone returned home-

When someone was returning home after war or after a long time...

You looked up, towards the mountains and right there, in the middle of the mountains. A group of people were walking towards the village. They were too far away to be able to see who they were, but everyone knew. It was them.. Getting up, you started to run towards to the group of people, standing and watching them. You pushed your way to the front and your vision started to blur from tears. Even though it was still raining, even though it was still dark from all the clouds. It felt like the sun was shining, like the rain now was a sweet reminder of the parties that usually held place here.

The group were closer now, and you could clearly see how hurt they all were. The few dragons by the humans was transformed to their human shapes. Almost everyone were limping, and helping each. other to walk. Finally you could not hold yourself back and you broke out of the crowd. A few kids following you, you made you way to the group. The first person you saw were Mina, your long time best friend. And by her side were Eijiro, one of his wings were bandaged.

"Mina! Eijiro!" you screamed out as you neared them. You stopped a step from them and you went to hug them when you realized that that wouldn't be the best.

"Are you guys ok..? Is it ok if I hug you or..?" you fidgeted around, only you three stood there, everyone walking around you.

Mina chuckled and leaned forward, hugging you. You hugged back, squeezing her hard until she slightly winced. It felt like you hugged each other for hours, rambling about different things. Like how much you missed each other.

"Hey.. when is it my turn for a hug?" Eijiro whined behind Mina, crossing his arms and playfully pouted.

"Now's your turn" you let go of Mina and turned to him. "Come here big guy" you squeezed him just like Mina. You two also stood forever and rambled about things. Just like when you were younger, he always felt like home. You also would stand there forever if Mina hadn't interrupted the two of you.

"The Bakugous is about to start their speech, let's get over there, then can you two continue your hugging party." she nodded towards the scene where Mitsuki Bakugou, the village leader, or queen, was about to start her speech. Walking towards her, you blended into the crowd already there. Mitsuki Bakugou stood in the middle of the scene, her husband, Masaru Bakugou stood slightly behind her, a supporting hand on her shoulder. On her other side stood Katsuki Bakugou with his usual scowl on his face. Mitsuki exchanged a few words with Masaru before turning her attention forward.

"Everyone... We'er finally back from the hunting trip that were only supposed to last a few weeks. It was hard but I'm glad to tell you the exiting news. When we arrived to the last sighting of orcs, we saw that there were a few who had made camp there. We fought them off our land and got information on where the main camp was. When we arrived, we were shocked to say the at least. There were a lot more than we thought there were going to be. We had to make camp and discuss our new battle plans. But then we were ready, and we fought. And... even though it was a big possibility that we would lose a few soldiers... WE LOST NONE!" a big cheer broke out and people started to almost party right there and then. Mitsuki with only her hand silenced and calmed down the crowd. "We fought bravely, many of us were hurt and are going to be treated shortly after this speech. We have now gotten rid of the orcs that harmed and threatened our land. And luckily... the mating season has not started yet. It will begin in a 2 short weeks along with spring. I feel like this year is extra special, and we will treat it like it. Now just a few words from my husband and from my soon then you can continue to reunite with your close and loved ones" she finished her speech and stepped to the side. Her husband and her switching their places. He cleared his throat and started with his speech.

"Even though my wife has said almost everything there is to say, I have a few words. I want to say thank you, for every brave soul that followed us to fight the evil. It is only with their help that we could defeat the enemy without losing one of our own. And for anyone wondering... the harvest has been good this year. And along with the animals we hunted on our way back. We have more than enough food to relax without the need to hunt. We will celebrate the beginning of spring with a feast so big it will last for days!" he laughed and the crowd cheered again. The thought of being able to properly relax and the thought of food, making everyone happy. Mitsuki then pushed her son, Katsuki, to the front. It was then you noticed his arm were wrapped and hung around his neck. It was clearly broken, you looked around and noticed a lot of people had broken something. But thankfully Mina or Eijiro hadn't broken anything. Eijiro was only bleeding from his wing but otherwise was okay.

"I would like to say... It was brave of everyone to follow on this trip, to risk their life for each other. And now we can celebrate it" his words were short and you could hear how he didn't mean any of that. Or maybe he did but was too tired to say it. Everyone clapped and Mitsuki clapped Katsukis shoulder. She whispered something to him and he scowled. The Bakugou family left the stage and almost the whole crowd turned to the direction of the medical tent. You walked with Mina, Eijiro had left to find Katsuki Bakugou, his dear friend.

"So Mina, are you excited about the mating season?" you asked her, as you walked together.

"Ah... I don't know actually... I mean Eijiro competed for me last year and well, I don't know if he's going to do it again" she answered, she stared ahead at nothing. You got a brilliant idea, almost like a lightbulb went off in your head.

"Why don't you compete for him? I mean it's tradition that couples compete every year and imagine how happy he would be!" your eyes shined as you awaited for her answer.

"Omg... Y/n I love you!" she grabbed your shoulders and shook you back and fort before hugging you. "And it can be a surprise too!" you laughed along with her.

"I'm really happy for you, you know? I don't think your or Eijiro could fins a better match" you smiled warmly while Mina gave you a cute pout.

"That's so sweet... I have to do something for you now!" she gasped and pulled you with her. "What if... I help you find someone to compete for you or someone for you to compete for?!"

"Ah... Mina, there isn't really anyone I'm interested in.." you sighed, you never really thought about dating or anything like that. But it wasn't the first time someone told you to get a date.

"I know I know... but if there's someone who would be a great match for you? It would be Bakugou!" she almost yelled out, which resulted in you covering her mouth with your hand.

"Shush! You can't just yell that!" you shushed her, she only giggled in response. "And.. Bakugou..?" you slightly blushed.

"Yes yes! I was with him a lot during this trip and you'er perfect for each other!"

"But I don't really know him? Like at all?" that was a lie, you did know Bakugou. Or at least you knew him when you were younger. You and Bakugou were thick as thieves when you were children.

It was only after he started to really bully Midoryia that you had told him to stop. Before that you would also tease Midoryia, call him Deku and laugh along with Bakugou. When you became 5 you got close with Midoryia, and started to be his friend too. And at the same time Bakugou only bothered Midroyia more. You would try to protect Midoryia but would always run after Bakugou, laughing and playing with him. Until you stayed, and told Bakugou to stop. It was the first time you were deadly serious and Bakugou only let out a tch before leaving. After that day Bakugou started to ignore you, and would bully Midoryia as much as you could.

But now, you had grown up and you pretended that you didn't know Bakugou. Like you never talked to him at all. A lot of the elders knew of your friendship, but never discussed it. The people your age didn't know, mostly because they weren't there when you were younger. It was like your friendship with Bakugou was in an another life time.

When you and Mina arrived at the tent, you saw a long line of people waiting. You let out a sigh and turned to her. You scanned her up and down and tilted your head. She wasn't really hurt, only scrapes and dirt on her skin. She didn't limp or act like anything hurt.

"Mina, are you hurt? Or why are we here?" you asked, not knowing what her answer would be.

"Oh not really... But I have a nasty cut on my back that need to be cleaned" she shrugged, and turned to stand in line. You lit up.

"That's great!" you exclaimed, before wincing. "I don't mean it's great you have a cut but I have stuff at my place. I could patch you up there!" you smiled.

"Oh really? Great! Let's go" she turned swiftly around, already heading to your tent.

[taetaespeaches]

“I still choose you every single day.”

seokjin x reader (or oc) genre: angst; fluff word count: 2.1K

a/n: Hi, lovelies! Here’s a minor angst, mostly fluff piece to end your weekend with. This takes place about two days after their big fight in “I want to be happy about this but I’m just so angry”. Though they resolve the fight in “Love, we need to talk” this drabble deals with the remaining emotions and tension. As always, I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :)) 

WATCHING Jin sleep next to you, you wished you could keep him in that peaceful of a state forever. You’d been watching him take extra care of you the past couple days, choosing every word and action carefully as he tried to prove himself to you. His unconscious state each night was the only break he got from your mental burdens he always carried on his shoulders as if it was his responsibility to do so.

He had fallen asleep while you were spooning him, but you couldn’t fall into the same slumber. You stared at his back and you felt like soothing your hands across it, but you didn’t want to wake him.

The expanse of his back was large, his shoulders strong and wide. But it had to get tiresome carrying around his own worries, much less yours, didn’t it? And you had only added to the load, giving him more concerns.

There is a sense of responsibility you feel for a person when you love them so dearly. Their struggles are yours, and yours theirs. But part of that responsibility includes protecting each other’s happiness. It’s hard to come to terms with the realization that you aren’t contributing to your loved ones’ happiness, but are rather hindering it.

If only you could go back to two days ago. If only you could control your irrationalities.

Quietly and slowly, you peeled the blankets off your form, gently getting out of the bed. Creeping to the doorway, you turned to look at Jin still sleeping before you exited the bedroom. You continued your careful steps down the hallway as you made your way to the sofa.

As you sat in silence, staring out your window at the night sky, you thought about your recent fight with Jin. The idea of him not loving you seemed silly now, but you knew the feelings were very real at the time. But were those feelings conjured by his way of loving you or your way of receiving the love?

Sitting alone with your regrets, you started to realize it was on you. Of course you both were different and needed to meet each other in the middle more, but the big issue weighing on your mind was your own mental health and how it affected your relationship. Jin was an independent man, and he always had been, even when you were just friends. It never really bothered you unless you were having a rough time individually. That’s when the doubts crept in. And that wasn’t Jin’s fault.

A shadow appeared in the living room, silhouetted by the bright moon shining through the window, making you turn to look at Jin standing above you with messy bed hair and puffy eyes.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his voice quiet and husky.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you told him, watching as he pouted at you.

“Can I sit with you?��� He asked, you smiling in response to his cuteness.

You patted the cushion next to you. “Come here, my love.” He sat down, immediately resting his head against your shoulder as you both stared out the window at the street lights that shined above the empty boulevards. You always loved the feeling of stillness in the very early hours of the morning. The outside world almost ceased to exist after 2 am.

Jin breathed deep and slow against your body and for a moment you almost thought he had fallen asleep. The poor man had been bending over backwards the last two days, trying to assure you and heal your wounds that he wasn’t even responsible for in the first place. It was heartbreaking seeing him try so hard to show something you both already knew he felt.

Just as you thought you were sure he was asleep, he rested his hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly in his grasp. The roughness from the bandage on his pointer finger lightly scratched your skin, reminding you of the wound he’d received picking up the glass you broke two days earlier.

He insisted on picking up the glass from the tumbler you dropped and received a laceration on his finger pad. It turned out the injury was deeper than you both initially thought and kept bleeding for most of the day before, resulting in Jin having to change the bandage multiple times.

You gently ran your own pointer finger over the top of the bandage on the opposite side of the wound. “Does it still hurt?”

“Huh? No,” he shook his head, giving your leg another squeeze as if it proved he was healed. “I mean, not really, just a numb pain.” You lightly lifting his hand from your leg to study the digit. “It’s not bleeding anymore,” he told you. “Just a little sore.”

You hummed in thought. The wound wasn’t bleeding, but the pain was still there. Even if just a dull ache that was easily pushed aside in the busyness of the day, when things calmed down, the pain made itself known with a small throb.

When you shattered into pieces right in front of him, he attempted to collect your shards and he got cut. He put on a brave face, your man, but you knew that when everything slowed down, he was left with the lingering pain of your doubt.

Your unfounded skepticism in his love was pulling him apart, no matter how strong he tried to appear. You had projected your insecurities onto him and he absorbed them deep beneath his skin. You’d given him wounds, and maybe they weren’t bleeding, but they were solidifying into a little scar of remembrance.

“What are you thinking?” He asked you in a voice so quiet it was barely audible in the silence of the living room.

“You’re hurt,” you told him, dragging your finger tip along his knuckles as you kept your stare on his hand.

He leaned toward you, pressing his lips to your cheek bone. “Hardly,” he whispered against your face just before leaving a second sweet kiss. Resting his forehead against your temple, you sighed.

“No, I hurt you,” you told him, Jin pulling his head back to look at you in confusion, you slowly turning to meet his gaze. “I’m supposed to the one protecting you and here I am cutting you.”

Jin shook his head in negation. He knew what you meant but he refused to hear it. “The glass cut me, not you.”

“Jin,” you breathed out.

“What?” He asked you, suddenly looking much more awake than a few moments ago.

“Stop,” you whispered.

“Stop what?” He asked in confusion.  

“Stop tiptoeing around me and just,” you paused for a small moment, Jin staring at you intently. “Just say something, yell at me, tell me how much I hurt you, I don’t know, just do something.”

“I don’t want to yell at you,” he told you, his eyebrows pulling together as his eyes traveled your face. You stared at him feeling pitiful for putting him through this. “I don’t.” You wanted to shake him until his held back words and pent up emotions came tumbling out. Even if the words came out as daggers, you wanted them.

He sighed, sitting up a bit as he took your hands in his. “I need you to understand this, ok?” He asked you, you staring at him attentively. “I love you, of course I do, and I have for a long time, but what’s even more important than that is I choose you. That’s a conscious decision I make each day.”

You felt tears prick your eyes at the words and his intense expression softened just a bit.

“We’re not so naïve to actually think that loving each other is easy every single day,” he told you with a sad edge in his voice. “Sometimes it’s hard, love. We’re stubborn, and occasionally we’re selfish, and sometimes we’re just on totally different pages and don’t even realize the other’s needs. But I still choose you,” he told you, holding your gaze as he talked. “Every single day.” 

A tear slid down your cheek as you licked your lips. “I just don’t want to contribute to anything negative in your life, that’s not what a partner should do,” you told him and his eyes grew wider in surprise.

“I’m not saying I love it when we hurt each other or put each other through hell but it’s going to happen sometimes,” he said, squeezing your hands. “It’s not like we’re intentionally trying to cause the other harm. So, you get stuck in your head sometimes? So what?” He asked, so impassioned it was almost comical. “Those are the days choosing you is even more intentional.”  

Your shock at his words must have shown in your face, because Jin’s lips quirked up just slightly. “What?”

“Why are you so good at talking?” You let out a small chuckle, Jin’s smile widening.

“I mean it though. Are you ok?” He asked, concern etched in his fingers as soon as the smile faded.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Do you have more?”

“Yeah,” he smiled just slightly once more.

“Keep going,” you told him, adjusting your sitting position so you could face him more directly.

“I don’t want to hear anything about you protecting me from you. You were headed there and I don’t want to hear it, because that’s ridiculous. Just like I choose you, I choose who and what I let affect me. I appreciate your support and I want it, I really do, but I don’t need you to save me. Especially from you,” he told you, you staring at him thoughtfully.

“I just don’t want you to be stuck picking up my pieces all the time,” you told him sadly, Jin shaking his head immediately.

“We’re in a relationship, love, I’m going to help you carry your burdens. You do the same for me all the time, are you seriously forgetting that?” You sighed, and he rolled his eyes, nearly making you smile. “The days you’re shattered on the floor, you bet your ass I’m going to be there picking up as many of your pieces as I can. If you want to lighten the load for both of us, start showing up for yourself,” he told you softly.

You both sat in silence, eyes locked on one another’s as you searched for your next words. “Do you want me to say one more thing?” He asked, a smile spreading across your face, unable to hold it back.

“Please,” you let out a small chuckle.

Jin smiled back, soothing his thumbs over the back of your hands. “When I say I choose you, I mean I choose the good and the not so good. I choose the woman who battles insecurities every single day, I choose the woman who sometimes lets her mind play tricks on her, I choose the woman who has so many feelings she doesn’t even know what to do with them all, I choose the woman who would probably literally kill for me, I choose the woman who nurtures the hell out of not only me but the six idiots I spend my life with, I choose the woman who somehow really genuinely laughs at my jokes,” he adorably ranted, making you giggle. “I choose the woman who supports every single thing I do as if it’s the greatest thing that’s ever been done,” he continued on, you falling against his body in embarrassment.

“Stop,” you whined against his chest.

“What, too much?” He asked, through an obvious smile, you laughing as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “I’m just saying, I know exactly who I’m choosing and I don’t take my decision lightly.”

“Ah, fuck I love you a lot,” you mumbled against his t-shirt covered chest, Jin chuckling as he left a kiss to the top of your head.

“Yeah, I know you do,” he joked, you groaning in response. “What’s not to love?”

Sitting up, you glared at him. “You’re supposed to say it back.”

His eyes blew up wide as he got his ranting expression on. Oh god. “As if I didn’t just express my deep and profound love to you,” he yelled in exasperation, you giggling loudly at the man.

“Tell me again,” you teased, Jin lunging at you as he pushed your back to the couch cushions, you laughing as he did so.

“I choose you, I love you, you’re my world,” he started mumbling against your face as he pressed kisses to your features, you laughing and screaming at a volume that was much too loud for 3 am, but neither of you cared, finally feeling light and happy again for the first time in days, and really, months.  

[tintinwrites]

if i loved you | Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: It’s been a bit since I’ve wrote about my mans Poe!

Rating: 18+

Warning: P in V sex which is not wrapped up but please wrap it up with your partners. Naughty words. A wee angsty.

Word count: 2,823, apparently!!

Summary: You and Poe are good friends who finally admit to each other that you want more in case the First Order wins the war.

GIF credit: @damerondjarin​ (thank you baby!)

Tags: @damerondjarin​ @bisexual-space-slut​ @writefightandflightclub​

                                             ----------------------------

Poe Dameron was beautiful.

It wasn’t because of the head full of dark, thick curls or the perfectly sculpted lines of his face — though, those were obviously very nice too — but because he was kind. He was good.

He was funny, and brave, and charming, and the man you trusted most in the entire galaxy.

There were times he could be reckless or perhaps a bit too sly, but he never did things to purposely hurt people.

He was absolutely beautiful, and that was the only way to describe it without going on about him for hours.

Even with his laughter faked and the war heavy in his gaze, you thought he was the grandest person you’d ever known.

This was why you were a little in love with him just like everyone else was, why your heart seemed to forget its rhythm every time you saw him, why you’d hold his hand or lay your head on his shoulder without question since you knew it grounded him and reminded him that he wasn’t alone.

He walked over to you now as you spoke to Rose and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, and you leaned into his side like you were lovers who held each other, your fingers trailing up and down his back through the smooth material of his shirt.

“You mind if I borrow her?” His arm wrapped around your neck and pulled you in closer, and you rolled your eyes as your free hand moved to grab onto his wrist.

“Should I be worried about him choking you out if I let him take you?” Rose asked with a teasing edge.

“Oh, she’s fine.” He expertly tightened his arm on you, enough to drag you with him easily and not hurt you as he did.

“Wait, no, Rose, help!” Now both your hands were reaching up to hold onto his arm, letting your feet drag to make it hard for him to pull you along.

Poe grunted, Rose rolled her eyes, and you laughed; these were some of your favorite moments, between the worrying, and the uncertainty, and the dogfights, and the combat, where you and your friends were a few dumbasses grappling for joy.

You were turned around and released from Poe’s hold, nudged forward to walk down the path made by your boots that lead to the spot you went to think or cry.

It was under a tree with leaves that hung down like strings and fluttered in the rare breeze on Ajan Kloss, and Poe found you there one day when he saw footprints in the mud; it became his place, too, and that somehow made you love it more, knowing there was someone else who needed to think by themselves and considered the tree to be as comforting as you did.

Especially when that person was Poe, the bravest man you knew needing to take a step back just like someone a little less important and a whole lot less brave like you.

“Sit down.” He nudged you in the side, laughing when you shoved him and stumbling over to sit with his back against the trunk of the tree.

“Did you bring me here to be demanding and frustrating?” You sat in front of him, both of you sitting cross-legged with your knees brushing briefly before you sat back in the dirt.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, just staring at you with gentle eyes and a soft smile, and you squirmed a bit self-consciously under his gaze.

You looked away from him quickly and ran your fingers through a patch of soft dirt.

“You feel it, too?” His head was tilted when you glanced up at him almost shyly.

“Feel what?” You knew that Poe was incredible and you’d always wanted something a little more than friendship, but you didn’t want to assume that he was talking about that.

“The pull. To me. To you. The way I see you across a room full of pilots and technicians and it’s like we’re the only two people there.”

“You...what?”

You understood exactly what he meant, thinking back on all the times someone had been talking to you and you didn’t hear a word they said because Poe walked into the room, but he was saying it to you? And so casually?

Your heart was fluttering if that were possible at the sincerity in his eyes, the slight nervousness as if you were going to reject him.

“You’re one of my closest friends, but I...I don’t know. I always thought there was something more and that we, uh, we never got the timing right.” He scratched the back of his head, laughing softly at himself.

“No, no, I know, but I...I thought I was a little infatuated with you like everyone else is.” Your hands were fidgeting and you looked down at them.

One of Poe’s hands slid over yours, stilling them and making you look up at him. “I was just thinking that maybe since we’re gonna have to deal with the First Order soon, we found the time.”

You paused. “Are you doing the ‘this world is ending so let’s fuck’ speech right now?”

He immediately reached up to cup your cheeks and tilted your head a little to make you look into his eyes. “If I was doing something like that, I would’ve picked anyone. But with you, it’s more, like...I’ve wanted to do this with you and I want to do it now if—”

“Don’t,” you said quickly because you knew what he was going to say.

He wanted to be with you if the First Order won, like this was the only way the two of you would be able to show each other how deeply you cared.

You wanted it too; you wanted to be with him that closely, to show him how beautiful he was and maybe be shown that you were just as beautiful to him.

And you were thinking that the First Order really could win and Poe wouldn’t know how much you wanted him or admired him, but you pushed that thought back.

This would just be the two of you admitting that you wanted to be more than friends.

“You can say no, obviously, I’d never expect anything of you because of my position or because of the First Order—” Poe’s eyes widened when you leaned forward and kissed him, your hands squeezing his knees tightly.

“I want this, but I want it to be about...about us and what we want from each other, not about the war.” Your lips were practically against his as you told him this, not liking the thought of pulling away from him even though the kiss was quick and simple.

“Yes, okay, sweetheart, I love that.”

Poe was nodding like a fool with how much he loved such a small kiss, reaching up to cup your face as he kissed you fully. He ran the tip of his tongue along your lips and immediately pushed it between them as your mouth opened with a pleased gasp, moaning at the taste of you.

You moved onto your knees to kiss him at an angle that allowed you to move closer, your hands going to his wrists as he gently held your jaw.

He let you pull away when you needed, but you pressed a couple more little kisses to his lips that he was happy to indulge. “You wanna go to my quarters?”

“No. Here. Please? Under our tree.” You ran the tip of your nose over his which made his eyelids flutter.

“Take off your clothes,” he said simply, yanking his shirt over his head and then lifting his hips with his back against the tree to shove his pants down.

You laughed at his eagerness to be with you here under the swinging leaves, moving back and standing up to take off your shirt and pants. You were wearing underwear unlike somebody, which you quickly took off too.

“Even prettier than I imagined it.” His eyes roamed over you with a dreamy smile on his lips.

You walked over to him and moved to straddle his lap, wiggling slightly when something pressed into your thigh. “Bigger than I imagined.”

He groaned, his hands sliding up to caress your hips. “Is that good?”

“You wanna know what people like to say about you, Dameron?” You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Mm?” He gazed into your eyes as his hand moved between your legs and stroked over your folds, smiling at your little gasp and the buck of your hips.

“They say...you’re so nice that your cock is probably huge.”

“What’s your opinion?”

His middle finger was circling your clit and it took you a moment to remember what the hell words meant. “I think...you’re big, but it wouldn’t matter either way because you’re already showing how kind and talented you are by touching me.”

“Oh? This talent?” He pushed a finger into you slowly, letting his mouth drop open with yours before he grinned, pumping his finger slowly.

“Fuck, Poe.” You gripped onto the hair at the nape of his neck as you rode his finger.

“Stars, you’re even more beautiful when you’re turned on, you know that?” He leaned forward and started with a kiss pressed to your chin, which quickly moved down your neck as you tilted your head back for him.

What could you say to such a sweet compliment like that, especially with his finger thrusting into you and his soft lips pressing against all the perfect spots on your neck? You leaned into him and played with his curls absentmindedly.

He’d been stroking a spot inside you that made your hips buck each time his finger brushed over it so you were pretty wet, but you let out a loud, long moan when his thumb moved to your clit anyway.

His thumb tapped against your clit a few times, building something up with the rhythm, and you knew you were capable of coming from that even if they were only short, little taps.

You were honestly close to orgasm with his attentions to your neck and between your legs, your clit tingling and your cunt fluttering as a way to tell you that you were about to tumble into that pleasure, but you quickly grabbed onto Poe’s hand.

A fading orgasm was always disappointing, but there was something you wanted. “Not until you’re inside of me, Poe.”

His jaw dropped slightly, but he nodded and pulled his hand away from you, using your wetness to stroke his cock.

“Let me.” You slid a hand down from his hair to wrap around him, stroking him gently and watching with a smile as his head thunked back against the tree trunk.

“Perfect...you’re perfect...can’t believe I waited until now...I should’ve…” He trailed off when your lips pressed against his and that was kind of the point; you didn’t want to hear him say that he should’ve done this sooner, should’ve been with you, should’ve asked him into your bed the moment you knew you liked him as more than a friend.

Or...should’ve asked you into his bed the moment he knew he liked you as more than a friend.

Were these your thoughts or Poe’s thoughts?

You broke away from the kiss with a little gasp and leaned your head against his. “Can I take you inside me? Please, Poe?”

He let out a disbelieving laugh. “You need to ask?”

“Just want to be sure you want me.” You moved a little bit closer, hips nestling into his as you lined his cock up with your entrance.

“Want you? I’ve wanted you since the day I fucking met you, baby. Didn’t think I could ever want someone that much. Then I wanted you more when I...fuck...knew you.” His pause had been because you sank down onto him and you were so tight and wet that it took him a moment to formulate words.

You were trying to think of how good he felt rather than how you should’ve…

Like he could tell by your tightly closed eyes that you were becoming emotional, he moved his hand back between your legs and rubbed slow circles on your clit, pulling a moan out of you.

Your hips started to slowly move up and down on him as you hid your face against his neck, listening to the gorgeous sound of his moans at the friction of your movements.

His other hand was tickling your side, doing his best to keep your emotions from wandering away from what you were doing with him in this moment.

“Sorry, I’m...I’m close.” Your hips jerked a little bit, still wound up from his touches before you’d taken him inside you.

“It’s okay, baby. Let go for me.” He kissed the side of your head as he pressed more firmly on your clit.

It took a few more strokes from his fingers before you stopped moving and gripped onto him tightly, letting out a low moan as your walls clenched down around him.

He groaned, closing his eyes tightly and helping you to ride out your orgasm as long as you could; his stamina was something he liked to pride himself on, but you felt so damn nice, and you were pleasured, and there were so many emotions that he pushed back against the tree and held onto your hips as he fucked up into you in search of his own climax.

A slight whine fell from his lips as he thrust up into you as deeply as he could and spilled his cum into you, happy and turned on enough to come so quickly since he knew you’d orgasmed.

When you came down from your high to the sound of Poe panting in your ear, so close to him, so safe, and...and...you should’ve done this so much sooner. You would’ve had time to laugh together, and make love, and kiss in so many different ways, and make some kind of life together before…

You didn’t realize you were crying until you heard yourself sob against his neck and he was shushing you, fingers running up and down your back. You couldn’t see it, but he was doing his best to hold back tears.

Was this all you were going to do with Poe before the First Order killed or imprisoned you both? How much time had you wasted without him because you were too timid to tell him you wanted him?

Being with him like this only made you regret the life you wouldn’t enjoy together even more.

You were so glad to have shown him how beautiful you thought he was and that you were able to do this with him, but you wanted him more now than you ever did.

“Shh, it’s okay, we’re gonna win, okay, baby?” He said softly, unconvincingly. “We’re gonna kick Kylo Ren’s pasty ass and then we can do anything we want. You wanna fuck in every possible way? Done. You wanna go relax on a planet in...fuck, I don’t even know how long? We can do that. You want a family? I’d love that, too. You wanna get married? I’d do it right now if you wanted.” He frowned as you hiccuped into him. “You listening to me?”

“We’re gonna win.” You said softly, unconvincingly.

He sat there with you as he silently thought of his own concerns of not winning the war, holding you and stroking you until you’d stopped crying and snuggled into him. “I was serious, by the way.”

You looked up at him with your brow furrowed slightly. “What?”

“I’d marry you right now if you want. Take down the First Order with my wife by my side.” He was smiling so sweetly that you knew you did want that, even if you’d taken a long time to admit your feelings to him.

“Okay.” You nodded, eyes showing the love you didn’t realize the pull to him was.

“You want to?”

“Let’s go get married.”

And you did, and it was on a whim, and you were giggling instead of crying as you vowed yourself to your best friend and ran off to his quarters like newlyweds that were going to build something great.

He took the ring from the chain on his neck off once you’d made love again and put it on your finger, musing against your lips about how it fit perfectly.

Maybe it would make it easier, you thought, to lose the war with a ring that symbolized what seemed like love on your finger, knowing that you were Poe’s and he was yours as Kylo Ren gloated over his victory.

But, stars, you hoped you won and this could be so much more.

[hadesisqueer]

I'm bored and I don't care and you most probably don't care too but I don't care about that either, so here it comes: my Blake analysis.

People tend to think Yang is my favorite character. And, although they're not entirely wrong, because she's the character I relate the most to, my actual favorite character is Blake. I just find her so inspiring, and such an interesting character yet flawed character. CRWBY did a great job showing her traits as both the Beauty and the Beast, and I just love it.

Leaving the White Fang and Beacon times

Honestly, one of the things I admire the most about Blake is just how freaking brave she is. Because it takes an incredible amount of courage to be able to realize about your mistakes and seek a way to redeem yourself by learning to help people. And it takes a lot of strength to be able to leave your abuser behind.

Blake leaves the White Fang and gets into Beacon hoping for two things: redemption and a new life. She starts off as the typical quiet, kind of cynical (yet still idealistic), emo and mysterious girl who we knew basically nothing about her. We had basic information about the other three, but nothing from her except that she wore a bow and liked books.

I really liked how she seemed to not want to get close to anyone, but then the interactions with Ruby and Yang came. She, although kind of annoyed because they wouldn't let her read (mood), seemed amused by them, and even awkwardly tried to tell them that it was a pleasure to meet them as they fought and before Weiss came and she gave up reading (mood).

Which is one of the reasons I think she chose Yang as her partner. She was probably looking for a partner who she knew she could work well with. And having being partners with Adam, who was just as much of an offensive fighter as Yang, she knew she could work with that. That and the fact that she also seemed to like her and Ruby the night before, so Blake probably recognised her and followed her around to check if Yang could fight too (also because she was hot okay this is just me shipping). And when she saw she could, she was probably like “Okay, I'm keeping this one”. Which is fun, because Blake was the quiet girl and then she went and chose the most extrovert partner (besides Nora) there was. And actually liked having her around, as anyone could see when she smiled when Yang said something.

And that's the thing: she didn't want to get really close to anyone, but she was really eager to start a new life. Even though she wasn't really sure about Weiss, she had good teammates and genuinely liked them. She joined Ruby and Yang in their idiocy (love those two) from the start and showed to be as much as a dork as them if she wanted. She was relaxed with them and liked team JNPR too (we never really saw her having conversations with them alone but if she sat with Pyrrha in class it meant she was cool with them too) and, if you read the books, she was really good friends with team CFVY as well.

Still, she was afraid to open up about her past, or even tell them about being a faunus to the point that when she slipped and told them when she was mad at Weiss being an ignorant, she ran away. Because after all, she doesn't think they would like her true self. I mean, we're talking about a girl who ran away from the White Fang because she realized it had turned into basically a terrorist organisation -one she took part of, and left her family behind for. A girl who's suffered from abuse, making her feel like she doesn't deserve anything good. It's crystal clear in the comics (though they're vol 4 content), Blake thinks she is poison and ruins everything good around her. And she felt like she'd just ruined it again. Which is why when she sees that they don't care, and that Weiss has decided she doesn't care either (and to me, that's the beginning of her arc of being an ignorant and daddy's girl to “when I see a racist a floor him and fucky you, dad), Blake almost cries.

Then in vol 2 she is literally obsessed with Torchwick and the White Fang. It's understandable: she used to be part of that organisation (goddammit, her own father created it) and she's had to see how it went from believing in peace and equality to becoming more violent to start working with human crime lords in a way that doesn't seem to benefit the faunus at all? She knew there was something big going on, and even if she had to fight her own past, she was willing to if that's what it took to find out what it was. It's funny because I felt like she was the main protagonist in that volume instead of Ruby and it's true: she was the one calling the shots.

The thing is that she took it too far and led her to basically become obsessed with the White Fang, as I said. To the point that Yang had to almost literally slap some sense into her and tell her to chill and go to sleep. And well, it worked. She took Yang's advice and didn't forget her goals, but took her time instead of destroying herself in the process.

In vol 3, she seems more relaxed than we'd ever seen. She doesn't have to hide who she is to the people she cares about, because she's slowly opening up more and they are understanding. They succesfully stopped a Grimm attack in Vale and got Torchwick in jail, so she felt more confident and hopeful. And they were killing it at the Vytal Festival. So yeah, she deserved to chill a little, enjoy herself, to be a little goofy and eat some tuna with her friends. The girl had earned it.

... but it's volume 3, and if it fucked everyone up, it wasn't going to be any different with Blake. Like, for fuck's sake, give the poor girl a break.

It starts with Yang breaking Mercury's leg and Blake not knowing what to think. Because as she said, the whole situation was so familiar. She'd had a passionate and aggressive yet “kind” partner before, one she thought she loved and trusted, and he slowly became more and more violent, and more abusive, and for a long time, she was blind to it. And then Yang does that. Her passionate and kind of aggressive yet sweet new partner, who she may already had romantic feelings for (even if she hadn't realized yet), who even had the same semblance as Adam. Was it all happening again?

Yang and Adam are, after all, foils of each other in a way. They're really similar. The main difference is how they deal with their suffering: Adam used it as an excuse for hurting others and never really got over it, and Yang took meaning from it instead and found the way to move on. Her heart was never driven by hate; she used her pain to become a better, stronger person. After all, just as Blake said, Adam was Spite, and Yang was Strength.

Blake's reaction was understandable. She was a victim of abuse and the situation reminded her of it. And as I said, it didn't help that Adam and Yang were so similar. But deep down, she knew that Yang wasn't Adam, that there was an explanation, which is why she gave Yang that chance to tell her. And she knew Yang wasn't lying.

And then everything gets REALLY fucked up for everyone. The situation couldn't be worse. Penny has died, Ruby is at Amity Arena, Yang is still at the dorms. Blake and Weiss are fighting together at Beacon against the White Fang and Grimm- and also the robots. And getting separated was honestly the worst thing they could have done, but Blake went after that Beowolf. And then she found Adam.

I don't think I have to even explain how I think she felt at that moment, when she saw her abuser right there in front of her eyes, for the first time since she left him. I think the look in her eyes are enough to express how terrified and conflicted she was. And yet, she is brave enough to fight him. And she loses. And then the guy uses “summon love interest” card and Yang appears, and he sees right through Blake. And the thing she feared the most happens. She's ruined it. She's really ruined it.

Vol 4 & 5 or the Belladonnas, Sun and Ilia.

Volume 4 is, without any doubt, Blake's lowest point, and again, thank God for having her parents and Sun around, because the girl was almost suicidal (most of all, when you read the comics). As I said, she feels like she's poison who ruins everything good around her, and this once, the universe has proved her right. Yang, her lovable partner who had been nothing but sweet, funny and understanding since she'd met her, had lost an arm trying to save her. And she knew that Adam wasn't kidding when he said that he'd kill her. So she left because she'd rather have Yang, Ruby and Weiss hating her than risking their lives. And because she couldn't stand the guilt she felt. The poor girl hated herself for what happened.

It took her while to decide to go back to Menagerie, but she did, and I was honestly thrilled to find out about her family. Like, we knew about Ruby and Yang being sisters and later we also find out more about their family life. We knew about Weiss being the heiress of the SDC, that she came from an important family, and later we know that she has siblings and it's implied that her father is a dickhead. But we didn't know anything about Blake's family life. We didn't know if she had any family at all or if she was an orphan, or if she had been abandoned, or if she was poor or rich. I think a lot of people had those headcannons before vol 4. But nope. Those ideas were obliterated.

Her father had created the White Fang, which explained why Blake always took the whole matter so personal: it was her legacy, and it had been taken from her and became corrupted. Not only wasn't she poor: she was some sort of fucking princess and owned a mansion. And not only wasn't she an orphan or an abandoned kid: out of team RWBY, she was the only one with two functional, loving parents. She clearly felt guilty about leaving them as well but both of her parents forgave her without any doubts, and showed her unconditional love. Kali and Ghira were two understanding and forgiving people who loved their daughter more than anything, and really, it was such a relief.

And I have my issues with the whole Sun thing, most of all after reading Before the Dawn. He followed her without permission, didn't respect her boundaries and she got too aggressive with him sometimes because of that (first slap I get it, the other two no). And I don't think he was completely necessary for the whole Battle of Haven thing. But at the same time, I really think having him around actually helped Blake a lot. Because yes, he didn't understand her many times, but I do think that having him around helped her as much as her parents. He had a big crush on her, and Blake did like him back, but never at the same level. After the time-skip, he still liked her but her crush on him had faded. And he took his time, but he realized. Blake didn't need a boyfriend, she needed a partner, a good friend who opened her eyes and made her understand that not everything that happens is her fault. That pushing people away with the excuse of protecting them wasn't helping anyone: she was just hurting herself and others more. And that's what he became. And I love the fact that he never for a second thought that she owed him anything: he helped her because he wanted, not because he expected anything from Blake. He would literally be disgusted with people who think she did owe him. Sun has his issues but he is an amazing friend and a perfect example of a guy without one bit of toxic masculinity, and his friendship with Blake is just great (can't wait to see more of them. Brotp).

Blake got love, forgiveness, support and friendship from her parents and Sun, but honestly, I think that what finally pushed her to stop running away and put an end to this whole bullshit was Ilia's appearance. Her former best friend up until she left the White Fang (who was, by the way, the person who indirectly gave her the idea of using a bow to pass for human).

She had already seen someone she cared about lose his way and turn into a monster. Blake herself had lost her way for a good while, found it back and then lost it again, and was working to find it once more. Seeing Ilia in that situation too made her brain go like “Okay, there's no way I'm letting you end up like Adam”. Blake knew Ilia wasn't like Adam, she knew it wasn't too late for Ilia yet, just like it hadn't been too late for Blake herself. So she gave Ilia the same things her parents and Sun had given her, the same things team RWBY gave her once too: love, forgiveness and friendship. And by helping Ilia, Blake also helped herself. I've done this before in another post, but I'll do it again; as uncle Iroh said once: sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.

(I'm not going to get too deep about the White Fang; most of all, because I'd need an entire post just about it. I'll just say that even though I thought I liked most of it, I still have a lot of issues with the White Fang thing and I found the end to be a bit disappointing and rushed).

Back with team RWBY, rebuilding relationships and Adam's end.

I'll never stop thinking that the fact that she didn't know what the fuck was going on at Haven but still joined the fight was hilarious, but still, it really made sense. She's done running away from her fears and her past, and one of her fears was that: confronting her team (mostly, Yang, because of the whole Adam thing) after leaving them. And then they all appear right in front of her eyes.

Past Blake would run away again to avoid the consequences. But she'd grown from that. Instead, she dealt with her own problems with Adam and the White Fang, and as soon as she was done, she went right back into the building and start fighting by Weiss and Ruby's side. And after the fight, while she was talking to her family and Ilia, Sun gave her the final push: he encouraged her to go and actually talk to the team, and she did. She went and told them that if they gave her a second chance, she wouldn't leave them again. Because she knows that leaving them had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life, if not the biggest one. She didn't know if they'd forgive her (a part of her probably still thought they wouldn't, and that she probably didn't deserve it anyway) but she still tried. And Ruby and Weiss accept her without questions. And honestly, the face Blake makes when she sees that Yang is also accepting her back and then they all invite her to the group hug still gets me every time.

She was obviously really happy that they'd forgiven her and that they gave her another chance that it's clear she was really trying to make the most of it. She clearly wanted to make up for lost time, and really make up for leaving, showing Ruby a bunch of times that she was always ready to follow her lead, reassuring Weiss after finding the bodies and... the whole thing with Yang. Because she felt guilty. But don't think Blake was feeling guilty because of the arm thing; at least, not anymore. She had reached a point where she understood that Adam's actions weren't her fault. No, she felt guilty because she left.

Yang had told her about Raven, and Blake knew that the poor girl had some serious abandonment issues (actually, Blake and Raven are kind of similar as well but with many differences, like the fact that they both tend to run away when they're scared, but for different reasons; one leaves by putting people in harm's way to protect herself, and the other because she wants to protect people in the wrong way. Eventually both get called out on that behaviour, and one responds with running away again, and the other with learning to not to run and face her fears. Both are foils of each other in Yang's eyes just like Yang and Adam in Blake's. Okay I'll continue). And Blake knew that when she left Yang, she most likely made said issues worse. Which is why she was trying so hard to make sure that Yang knew she wasn't leaving her again. She even actually tells her over and over again. “I'm not leaving”, “I'll hurry back”, “I'm not gonna break my promise, I swear”. Even during the Bees vs Adam fight, she says “I have people who actually care about me and I promised I'd never leave them again, so I'm not dying now”. That states two things:

1) She wants to fucking live, of course.

2) Blake is telling Yang that she is not going to die, not only because, as I said, she is a normal person who wants to live. But because she knows that, even if she would totally do it given the case, Yang doesn't want her to sacrifice herself for her, because then, she'd be leaving her again. She is telling Yang that she's not going to do that, and that they'd leave that place together.

But the thing is, Blake was trying SO hard to be there for her that she made things awkward, making Yang think Blake believed she was fragile and needed protection, which wasn't the case (I already talked about all this and Yang hating people taking care of her she thinks it makes her weak in the Yang analysis). And which is why Blake corrected herself and said “protecting each other”, as equals.

(Before people complain about how I'm talking too much about Yang in here, let's be clear: you can't make an Yang analysis without talking about Blake. Just like you can't make a Jaune analysis without talking about Pyrrha. You can't make a Salem analysis without talking a lot about Ozma. Or a Weiss one and not mention her entire family. Because that's what happens when you write a complex character with varied relationships with different characters - the relationships shape the character into what they are-. And Blake and Yang's arcs is so intertwined with the others' since the Fall of Beacon that you can't make an analysis of one without talking a lot about the other. Thus, I'm analyzing their relationship too, just like I'm talking about Sun, Adam and more. And yes, I'm doing this from the romantic perspective. Because, in case you hadn't noticed, the relationship stopped being platonic since Heroes and Monsters, and has been showing to be more and more romantic as the show goes on. It's been even confirmed to be romantic. So please, anon, I'm talking to you: if you don't like it stop reading lmao).

Now for the Adam part. Man, I can't even talk about this.

People complain that it didn't make sense that Blake seemed full of confidence at Haven when facing him, and then at Argus, she was terrified. Well, let me clear one thing up: the situation was totally different, dude.

At Haven, she was surrounded by people she knew they would help her: Sun, her parents, damn, even team RWBY. She had a whole army supporting her (and even with Sun's help, she wasn't dumb and she knew better than trying to follow him, because she knew him and knew that that's what he wanted). So of course she was going to feel safer then than being totally alone with that guy who had been stalking her across the world like a total creep. Like, thank God Yang appeared and helped her.

Once again, these three are all together again since the Fall of Beacon. This guy, who maimed and traumatized Yang in a way she will most likely never completely get over (as a person with PTSD, I know it gets better, but it will never entirely go away). Blake's ex boyfriend. A person she trusted and loved, and turned out to be completely different than he made her believe.

Blake's done with running away from him. And she's done with being afraid, because she is. But even though she's afraid, I love how during the entire fight, he tried to get in her head but Blake didn't let him. Because she was done with that. He had abused her, tried to kill her and the people she loved, took her innocence and confidence, even stole her own legacy. And she's not letting him do that again. Not now, and nevermore.

Sorry, I had to.

Blake and Yang give him multiple opportunities to leave. He didn't. We know how that ended for him. And even after that, Blake feels terrible about having to take his life, and feels guilty about it, or felt like she'd ruined the whole “let's steal an airship” plan. But luckily, she had all of her friends reassuring her and being completely understanding and loving, and honestly, I'll say it a million times: that scene between Ruby, Blake and Yang is one of my favorites.

Volume 7

We don't see much Blake during volume 7, to be honest. Yes, we get that great moment with Weiss and Jacques (fuck you). We get to see how she really hasn't forgotten about the whole Adam thing, and how killing him was haunting her in a way. We got to see her and Yang being the ones who reached out for Robyn (people with brains who don't try to take her out and try to make her and the HH allies instead. THANK YOU). We got to see her and Yang kicking some ass in the RWBY vs Ace Ops fight. And of course, we get confirmation (we already knew, but some people are blind and needed more. Some people won't understand until they kiss) of Bumbleby going the romantic way. And I liked that.

But neither Blake nor Yang had much of an individual arc or important stuff to do last volume (and I really hope that changes in volume 8). That annoyed me. But at the same time, I remember that they hadn't had a break since vol 3; Blake had never had one, actually, because every volume found the way to emotionally fuck her up in some way. And after losing limbs, being stabbed, having to deal with terrorists, with bandits, with terrible moms, with abandonment issues, with PTSD and depression, with an abusive exboyfriend they even had to end up killing to survive... I was kind of fine with both of them getting an “easy” volume where they didn't have to deal with big emotional arcs like that, and were just chilling and enjoying themselves for a little while. Still, I want them to be more important, both as a couple and individually, next volume.

Conclussion

As I said, Blake is my favorite character. She is a very flawed person who learns about her flaws and works hard to be better. She is incredibly brave, by far, the bravest character in the series, who overcomes her fears and her abuse and moves forward. Blake's arc, besides taking back her legacy and fighting for equality, is about her finally understanding that she's not to blame for others' actions, that she isn't poison. She learns to finally stop running from her fears and her guilt, to stop pushing others away, and realize that she deserves a second chance, that deserves forgiveness and love and friendship, and to be happy. Blake's entire personal journey is about her finding her path, about overcoming her abuse and trauma, and about learning to love herself. And I love it. I love her.

[writesowhatnext]

the feeling that we’re meeting // sirius black

Summary: Sirius Black has never liked the reader and this he made known. Maybe it’s because she’s a Slytherin. Maybe it was the bat-bogey hex. Strange, though, how things change with a war in full throttle.

Request: hello :) can i have an angst to fluff w sirius pls? (slowburn) post-hogwarts a few years where y/n was one of the main targets along w snape for james’ and sirius’ ridiculing and bullying, and they were just dreadful to her (she was in slytherin) :( but then a few years after hogwarts she joins the order and sirius acts just rlly immature and mean to her but then slowly starts falling for her as he starts noticing little aspects of her personality :) and at the end can there be like a fluffy cuddling scene where she asks him why he was so nasty to her and he talks ab how guilty and sorry he is :) ty babe!

A/N: I liked this request tbh bc it’s so important to remember that sirius is a brill character bc he’s so realistic with his equal good and bad traits – I was a bit liberal with canon context but I can’t say I don’t enjoy a world with James and Lily alive :) Also I listened to ‘For the First Time’ by The Script when I was writing and I agree

Reader: female, Slytherin

Warnings: female!reader, drinking, death eater parents, innuendo I suppose, also long af, injury, parental abuse, battle, deaths

Every time you tiptoed down the stairs of number twelve Grimmauld Place, you had to remind yourself that the war was far more important than whatever colour you’d like to dye Sirius Black’s hair. You considered pink, but thought better of it when you realised, he’d probably enjoy it.

It had been months, but you remembered the first time you set foot into the Black family home like it was yesterday. Following Dumbledore through the strange threshold, your nerves climbing as you heard the strangely familiar voices of the boys that had tormented you till you cried from the other room, you found yourself pulling at your sleeves, desperate to be anywhere else. The silence that fell as you stepped out from behind the Head of the Order was suffocating, and you could feel all eyes were on you. Biting the bullet, you glanced up from the crusty carpet, facing people you’d never wanted to see again. You recognised them all despite the years passed, standing together equally unenthused to see you. Remus was taller, impossibly, than you remembered him and Lily’s face was all angles now. Sirius’s hair was longer and styled differently, more like a muggle’s, but James still had the same half-broken glasses, and Peter the same child-like roundness to his cheeks.

“This, as I’m sure you know,” Dumbledore began, crossing his arms over his front. “Is Y/N-“

“Dumbledore, Sir,” James interjected, his tone as incredulous as his expression.

“You can’t be serious!”

You exhaled sharply from your nose at Sirius’ words, dipping your head when it seemed no one else saw the irony.

“Y/N is an excellent witch and she’ll be an excellent addition to the Order.”

“Sir,” Sirius huffed, shooting you a glare before stepping forward towards Dumbledore. “Her parents are death eaters; you can’t possibly trust her.”

“Remind me, Sirius,” you said, your voice echoing in the room for the first time. “What was tattooed on your brother’s arm.”

Although you were entirely correct, you felt a pang of guilt at the hurt that flashed in his eyes before the ever-familiar Black scowl creased his brow. Dumbledore’s presence beside you suddenly felt less and less comforting.

“She was always excellent in Charms,” Remus said gently. You faced him sharply, surprised to see his eyes so apologetic.

“And Defence Against the Dark Arts,” Lily’s tone was light and you were oddly pleased to see a smile on her face. You hoped that meant you would have at least one friend here.

“I wonder bloody why,” Sirius muttered, storming past you into the kitchen, shoulder hitting yours. You clenched your jaw, biting your lip to avoid saying something you’d reject.

“I hope you will treat Miss Y/N with the respect all allies deserve in this time. She’s risking her life to spy for us. You are all aware of what she’s put on the line for this,” Dumbledore said, an air of finality to his tone before he left you there, in the lion’s den, alone.

“Well,” Lily said, standing up from the armchair she’d been nestled into. She offered you a calloused and freckled hand with a smile. “Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix.”

It didn’t take long for the older members of the Order to trust you; they didn’t care about petty squabbles and rivalries, only the information you could provide. The story, however, wasn’t the same with your old Gryffindor pals. Lily, you accepted with equal parts hesitance and glee, was a fast friend. She had got into the habit of asking you how you were daily and offering you tea in the mornings. Sometimes, after a long mission, you found yourself talking into the night with her.

“Wait, wait,” you said, hand sloppily gripping the stem of an old wine glass you’d found in the cupboards. “You and Potter are married?”

She giggled at your response, leaning her elbow on the armchair next to her as she careened forward, the carpet crunching at the shift.

“Yes,” she nodded, smiling brightly. “I was just as surprised as you, at first, but he-“ a hiccup escaped her lips, earning a round of laughter from you both. “He’s a sweet guy. A tosser, by all means, but loyal and brave and kind.”

You’d never considered James Potter any of those things at Hogwarts, but now, in the real world, you found yourself slowly warming up to him.

“He’s changed, you know,” she said earnestly, suddenly a lot soberer than you felt. “They all have.”

You pursed your lips, taking another sip of the dark wine in your glass.

“Sirius hasn’t.”

She sighed, rubbing her eye with the knuckle of her thumb.

“He’s always hated me.”

Speaking of the devil, a familiar shadow appeared in the doorway before you could carry on your conversation. Sirius stared at you for a moment, his dark eyes locked on your face. He swallowed, mouth curling downwards slightly as he looked at your messy hair and casual position, sat in a place he’d hated for years. Something stirred in his chest and his expression shifted ever so slightly, but before you could question it, he disappeared up the stairs. You huffed, shaking your head as you turned back to Lily.

“See?”

It wasn’t another twenty minutes before James walked in, an amused grin playing on his lips at his wife’s tipsy state.

“C’mon, love. Let’s get you to bed,” he said, gently taking Lily’s arm to lift her up.

“Wow,” she said, whispering very loudly to you. “James Potter with a good idea; there’s a first.”

“Oi!” he laughed, poking her in the ribs and catching the wine glass before she could throw it onto the floor. It would’ve been a shame, you thought sarcastically, if someone ruined such a lovely carpet. He turned to you then, still smiling.

“Cheers, Y/N.”

He shot you a wink before escorting Lily upstairs, her drunk rambling fading the further away they got. You chuckled under your breath, pleased that maybe you weren’t such an outcast as you took another sip. Your mood soured dramatically, though, as you remembered the time, not exactly excited to be returning to your parents.

The next week, you had a few days between missions. Although you probably should’ve been resting at home like everyone else was, Remus included, you ended up on all fours in the Black family living room, pulling up carpet. Remus sat in the armchair at the other end of the room, a newspaper in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. Occasionally, he’d throw a teasing remark at you or ask for help with a tricky crossword clue, but mostly the silence that settled between you was comfortable. You were halfway across the room, surprised you hadn’t thrown up yet at the awful stains on the underside of the carpet, specifically avoiding the one that looked like blood.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked you from the doorway. You looked up, blowing a loose strand of hair from your face as you met Sirius’ eyes. You frowned, sitting back on your feet, carpet still in your hands.

“The laundry,” you replied dryly, a smile tugging at your lips to hear Remus snort into his mug.

“My mother loved this carpet,” he said, a strange look on his face. If you hadn’t known him better, you would’ve mistaken it for approval.

“And a charming family keepsake it is.”

He stared at you for a moment, his gaze steady and unreadable. You doubted whether destroying the carpet without asking him was such a good idea.

“Thank you.”

Without giving you a second to process, he turned left, the front door slamming not a second later. With wide eyes and your jaw on the floor, you looked to Remus, who seemed just as surprised as you.

“Did that just happen?”

He nodded slowly, his brows drawing together. You hummed, matching his frown before you started pulling roughly at the carpet and he returned to his paper.

“Six letter word for a muggle screenplay?”

You didn’t think that much more about Sirius’ gratitude in the next few days, too busy with keeping your lies straight and the war to waste time on why you hated each other. You did notice, despite yourself, that he seemed gradually less and less opposed to your presence. His conversations seemed to dry up less when you entered a room, his glare settled on you less often in Order meetings. As things got more and more difficult at home, the pressure from your parents to get the dark mark growing, it was the small things that helped.

“Y/N,” Peter said one morning, crossing his arms on the breakfast table. You’d warmed to Peter; he was always a little lost, a little wayward. It made you smile most of the time and you couldn’t help the motherly instinct you felt toward him, despite your similarity in age.

“Do you have a spare towel?”

“Why? What did you do with yours?”

A blush covered his cheeks and immediately you found that you really did not want to hear his answer.

“Yeah, I’ll fetch it,” you said, moving to exit the kitchen with a great deal of haste. You’d stayed at the headquarters a few times after hard or early morning missions and Sirius, despite your history, had been kind enough to give you towels to use. You’d been sure, though, that Kreacher, the house-elf, was behind that.

You hadn’t anticipated seeing Sirius in the corridor, muttering to himself as he stood next to the velvet curtain on the wall. His arms were full of what could only be described as junk, the nail of an old bed-frame catching on the fabric. He didn’t notice you behind him as he struggled and with a decidedly irritated yank, he pulled the wooden post free. However, much to his chagrin, and everyone in the house’s eardrums, the curtains fell loose and an extortionately loud screeching filled the air.

“This house is full of blood traitors! Mudbloods!” it hissed, echoing through all the rooms. Seeing Sirius’ arms full, you bent down next to him and gripped the metal rod of the curtain, eager to put it back into place. He jumped a little when he saw you, stumbling out the way slightly, his eyebrows threading together as the high-pitched shouting continued. You took one look at the ugly, yellowing woman in the portrait and shoved the curtain in front of her face, hoping you’d never see it again. It took some jiggling, but soon the portrait was covered and you could only hear rustling behind the fabric, muzzled yells rattling the frame.

“A charming woman, your Mother was. I’m surprised you don’t leave the curtains open all the time,” you said, a distasteful expression tainting your features. Sirius looked at you for a moment, his jaw clenching slightly.

“It’s okay,” you said, smiling a little. “You can laugh.”

He didn’t, but the slight upward curve of his lip didn’t escape you.

“Did you ever have the pleasure to meet her in the flesh?” he asked. Your brows raised at the first real question he’d asked you since you joined the Order.

“No, sadly not,” you crossed your arms and leant on the door. “My parents spoke highly of her, though, which is never the best sign.”

He only nodded, standing awkwardly for a moment before turning to leave. You blinked, before remembering where you’d been going.

“Sirius,” you began, the light tone not suiting his name in your mouth. “Do you have spare towels? Peter-“

Sirius smirked, a strangely handsome expression on him.

“Peter dropped chocolate frogs all over his again,” he huffed, shaking his head. “Just ask Kreacher.”

You barely paid attention to him leaving as you wandered upstairs, in search of the grumpy house-elf. You were pleased to know that Peter’s towel hadn’t been ruined by something more suspect than chocolate, but you couldn’t deny that you were even more pleased that you’d finally had an interaction with Sirius that didn’t involve a row.

Your next interaction, though, was less than ideal. You stumbled toward twelve Grimmauld place with a throbbing headache and shaky legs. Your parents had not been kind when they discovered your treachery, your place in the Order; you were lucky to escape with your life. That’s all you could tell yourself as you dragged yourself up the steps, knocking loudly on the door. It was just your luck for Sirius, of all people, to open it. His expression was at first worried before he realised it was you and a frown settled on his features. As you looked down, trying to concentrate on the swaying floor, you didn’t notice the concern that returned upon seeing your injuries.

“What the blood-“ he began, grunting slightly as you collapsed into him, no longer able to keep your body upright.

You woke the next day in a clean bed with a dull headache. The house-elf shuffling around your room had garnered your attention, and you blinked at him as he placed towels, sheets and clothes in a pile next to the bed.

“Kreacher?” you asked, your voice sore in your throat. “Why am I here?”

“You’re a blood trait-“

You shot him a dry look.

“I mean, how did I get here? Why are you putting clothes out?”

The house-elf sighed, a grizzly sound.

“Master Sirius ordered me to,” he said gruffly. “Said you shall be living here.”

“Oh.”

You frowned, barely registering Kreacher as he made to leave.

“Thank you,” you called after him, earning a grumble in response.

You and Sirius never spoke about the fact that you were now living in the Order Headquarters, in his house, but you never forgot the kindness he showed you. It was a strange feeling, to be grateful to Sirius Black, especially after everything he’d done to you as a student. The topic of your parents didn’t even come up until the night before a particularly difficult mission planning to infiltrate a meeting of death eaters.

“Lily,” you said, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with the others dotted around, even Sirius. “I don’t know if I should come on this mission.”

“What?” Remus asked, placing the chocolate he’d been aiming from his mouth down on the tablecloth.

“I was useful to the Order when I knew things and now,” your voice broke slightly at the memory of the last time you’d seen your parents. “Now I have no information and I might have to… I might have to fight the people that raised me tonight and they don’t have any qualms about killing me or any of you where we stand.”

“Exactly!” James said, moving his arm from the back of Lily’s chair to rest his elbows on the table. “They don’t care about killing us. They killed Gideon and Fabien. You saw what they did to Frank and Alice.”

Your chest tightened. Frank and Alice had always been kind to you; now they were at St. Mungo’s.

“Information or not,” Sirius said, surprising everyone. “You’re a good fighter; we need that.”

The silence that followed his words made you feel like you were missing something as you stared at him, seeing his eyes soft for the first time.

“Sirius is right,” Lily said, nodding. “We have to do all we can; you know that more than most of us.”

The mission had been horrendous.

It had been a bloodbath of proportions you’d never seen before. You’d lost Benjy and Caradoc and Dorcas; people you looked up to. You’d expected losses in a war, you weren’t stupid, but you’d never anticipated the weight behind a spell thrown by your own parents. Despite your own casualties, you’d taken out six death eaters and despite yourself, you were glad your parents weren’t among them. The journey back to the house was a quiet one: Lily busied herself with James’ broken arm and Remus wiped the blood from Sirius’ forehead, dabbing delicately at the cut above his eyebrow. You all disbanded when you got inside, tired and aching, disappearing into your rooms with heavy hearts.

You couldn’t sleep, though, too haunted by the flashes that appeared behind your eyes. It must’ve been past midnight when you tiptoed downstairs, more desperate than ever to not agitate the portrait. You didn’t notice Sirius in the kitchen until you’d shut the door behind you, jumping out of your skin to see him sat there with a glass and a bottle of firewhiskey.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, lifting his glass and taking a swig. You’d come down for tea, but the idea of numbing your senses appealed. He must’ve noticed the way your eyes lingered on his glass and without a word, he reached behind him to grab another, pouring you a liberal shot. You sat down almost tentatively, fingers gliding around the edges of the glass.

He watched with an amused smile as you downed the whole thing, wincing at the burn before you rested it back on the table. He filled it again immediately.

“Rough night.”

“Indeed,” you said, rubbing your eyes and sighing. “I never thought we’d be here.”

He raised an eyebrow, stretching the bandage on his forehead as his lips pressed against the rim of the glass.

“Me and you,” you laughed a little. “Drinking together.”

“Not something I’d have bet on,” he muttered, laughing too. Your smiles both faded as you looked at each other, though, across the plastic gingham table cloth.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

The question tumbled from your lips before you could stop it.

“I don’t hate you.”

You shot him a very dry glance. He shook his head and sighed, putting his glass down a little too loudly before running a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but you.

“You’re a pureblood Slytherin,” he said, running his hands over his face. “And I hated it. I hated anyone that reminded me of this place. And you- you were everything my parents wanted me to be: smart, loyal… dark, I thought.”

You nodded, sipping your drink quietly.

“You were an easy target, too, for a pillock like me. Didn’t have that many friends-“

“That was because they were all stuck-up death eaters.”

“I know that now. It didn’t matter then, though. I was a kid, though, and I thought it was just kids’ stuff-“

“You know, that time you exploded my cauldron in the final Potions exam, I cried for a whole week.”

He had the good sense to look guilty for a second before amusement lifted his cheeks.

“You did bat-bogey hex me for that.”

Your cheeks heated up at the memory, your fingers fiddling with the glass more.

“Which is entirely illegal.”

You smiled, pressed your lips together as you shook your head. It all seemed so long ago; so childish, now. You leant your elbows on the table, resting your chin on your interlocked fingers.

“It was a good shot, though,” you mused, enjoying the way his lips spread into a dazzling grin.

“A bloody good shot,” he laughed. He leant back slowly, tilting his head to the side and biting his top lip. The mood dropped again as he stared at you.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry.”

You wanted to take the piss, but something about his tone or the look in his eyes trapped your words in your throat. You just watched as he stood up, moving towards the sink.

“I made your life hell because I hated my own,” he said, pressing his hands to the counter, leaning forward. “It wasn’t fair. I’m not surprised you hated me, I deserved it.”

You stood up slowly, softly stepping toward him.

“I did hate you,” you said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I hated you for so long it was all I could think about. Even here, I hated seeing your face.”

He turned to you, expression hard and tears sparkling in his eyes.

“I’m not sure if I do anymore.”

He turned around slowly to lean back on the counter as your hand slid down his arm. He caught it gently in his, surprising you.

“I want you to forgive me,” he whispered, staring at you so intensely a lump formed in your throat. You felt like you’d never even met this Sirius before.

“I-“

“I want to earn your forgiveness.”

You were at a loss for words as you looked at him, frozen in place. His hand was warm in your own and you couldn’t, for a moment, think about anything else. You bit your lip and nodded, stepping towards him gently.

“I’d like that.”

You leant into him, your side pressing against his, enjoying his warmth and the new feeling in your chest. You’d been in the war so long you forgot what real life felt like. You felt his hand hover around you nervously before it settled against your back, his hand resting on the counter next to you. And there, with the moonlight pouring in behind you, is where you stood till the sunrise peeked over the horizon; your hands clasped together with Sirius’ arm at your back, silent as you both felt a hope you’d not felt in a good few years.

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The Love Languages of Firstprince

aka my TedTalk

for RWRB Romance Week - Day 2: Love Languages hosted by @rwrb-fests

The tl;dr, not necessarily in order

Alex: Physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation 

Henry: physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation

-

On firstprince, physical touch, and quality time

(more on individual comments later)

Their relationship (beyond friendship) started with a lot of time spent together for physical touch. While this might be partially due to an avoidance of commitment so it “didn't have to mean anything”, I still think this is worth noting. Also, they are obviously very compatible physically.

Alex and Henry put effort into planning their time together, partially due to necessity given their positions and for geographical logistics, but they also spend time together outside of the physical aspect. This time doesn't seem mostly driven by the need for them to put up appearances for friendship. 

Their texts and emails also seem to be evidence of enjoying quality time. Although these aren't face-to-face, it involves a dedication of time and thought about the other, which is a good portion of what quality time is about. Nora says that Alex uses Henry's number to “long distance flirt with him all day, every day” and “in a noticeably worse mood if [Alex] goes a day without talking to [Henry]”. 

Their emails are lengthier and are quite poetic. The bits from old love letters indicate a lot of effort since they have to find the perfect quotes from historical figures. Alex makes a list of things he loves about Henry, while Henry waxes poetry about Alex.

Alex

Physical Touch 

Personally, I see Alex as mostly having physical touch as a love language with his romantic partner, with some exceptions. One being June as his sister. The other is Nora, though she's somewhat of an in between since the two of them dated briefly but she's mostly a best friend to Alex.

At New Year's, Alex and Nora dance together, putting hands on hips and grinding in a joking, platonic sort of way. Alex is also very comfortable guiding Henry's hips with his hands, when at this point he thinks of Henry as simply a friend. 

Of course, there's also the kiss with Nora at midnight, which, while partially for the benefit of other people's intrigue, would likely not happen if Alex wasn't comfortable with/enjoyed physical touch.

Alex also describes being pleased with Henry's physical presence next to him at New Year's

Furthermore, at the lake house, Alex comes to the revelation of why he seems to love the physical intimacy with Henry, that love is what “makes the filthy things so good” 

There's also plenty of fluffy goodness from the lake house with casual touches, quick pecks, sweet embraces, and the like

I'm also reminded of how Alex notes that with his limbs tangled with Henry's, “nowhere left untouched [i]t's the best Alex has slept in years” 

Lastly, Alex seems to be a very attentive partner during sex. After his first attempt at a blowjob, his inner thoughts are about his previous experiences eating girls out because he's surprised that Henry kisses him so eagerly afterward. There are plenty of men who would not be willing to return the favor of oral sex for their female partner, yet it seems that Alex is/was very, very willing, which makes me think that he is the type to show he cares by making sure sex is good for both him and his partner. 

This is actually further supported by something Alex observes the first time he and Henry go beyond just blowjobs : “Somehow it still amazes him that all of this seems to be as unbelievably, singularly good for Henry as it is for him.” Alex's reaction includes a pleased and proud smile about it.

Of course, in regards to the two points above, it should be the norm to ensure one's partner is equally satisfied, but this doesn't always play out. In my opinion, Alex seems to go above and beyond in this respect.

Words of Affirmation 

I will begin this with a caveat that both Henry and Alex tend to like feeling affirmed in some capacity but they have a tendency to avoid verbalizing things for the fear of making it too real. Again, I'm not sure if this would have been different had they begun dating in a more typical way, but it's worth noting.

The biggest thing that stands out to me that points to words of affirmation being one of Alex's love languages is the quote: “He just… Well, he gets told he's great a lot. He just doesn't often get told he's good enough.” 

Overall, although Alex presents himself as being confident and self-assured most of the time, he often is plagued with doubts and fears about not measuring up, so he sometimes needs affirmations that he is, in fact, good enough. 

Alex also tends to counter Henry's self doubts by telling him that he's brave, strong, good as he is, etc that Alex has noticed earlier on. 

One big thing is the list that Alex sends Henry: An Incomplete List: Things I Love About HRH Prince Henry of Wales 

Almost forgot this one, but when Alex is stressing and having a hard time, he mentions thinking of the things Henry emailed him

Henry

Physical touch

Although Henry often seems to feel trapped by the decorum he must adhere to, the times of physical intimacy when he's with Alex seem to let Henry be just another 20-something guy. He's more confident and sure in these moments, which while likely related to trauma related to his sexuality from his family, seems important and relevant

Henry also seems to be very attentive to his partner's needs. For example, after karaoke, he says to Alex, “All that earlier and you haven't gotten off yet tonight, have you? … Well that just shall not do.” So, like Alex, Henry seems to show his care through making sure his partner is satisfied. 

Quality Time 

I personally imagine Henry and Bea spend a lot of time in the music room together, playing their instruments

Henry seems very hurt by the way that his mom withdrew after his father's death. I'd argue this is due to Henry having quality time as a love language because while they do spend time together and “[s]he still listens, and she tries, and she wants us to be happy. But I don't know if she has it in her anymore to be a part of someone else's happiness.” 

Acts of Service

This ties in with quality time, but Henry tends to be the one between him and Alex to plan interesting and more elaborate dates. For example, the time in Paris when Henry leaves directions to a Parisian cheese shop, especially since Alex had asked his advice about wine and cheeses.

I’m not sure how supported this is by the book, but I also just get the sense that Henry is very much the type who would do things for his significant other to lighten the burden(s) on their shoulders

Lastly, Henry is very invested in philanthropy. Obviously philanthropy is common for royals and rich people, but Henry seems to really put his heart into it. He and Pez have been doing work for a long time, and Henry's even using his inheritance to fund the projects. 

Words of Affirmation 

I think that words of affirmation are important to Henry, but not the most important of his love languages. Hearing Alex believes in him helps, and he offers similar support for Alex, but this doesn't seem to be the primary method of showing love for Henry.

However, Henry does express himself through writing a lot. I'm not sure if this counts under words of affirmation, although some of it does, but this is the big point under this category 

-

And that concludes my long-winded rant on the topic that I definitely didn't do instead of being productive haha what are you talking about

Thanks for reading~

[fullmoonremus]

Paper Cut Part 2 | Edmund Pevensie x Reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: Making out/kissing

Time/Era: Modern AU but the Pevensies have been to Narnia. 

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: Y/N confronts Edmund about the intense injuries she had received in the past. 

A/N: Here’s the second part to paper cut :) If you haven’t read the first part, link below! Please send requests :D Enjoy! 

Part 1 | Part 3 | masterlist | read on ao3

“Edmund, I think you have a lot of explaining to do.”

Edmund’s face was unreadable, almost as if it was made of stone. He stayed quiet; the only sounds that filled the air were the shuffling of the barista and the espresso machine. Y/N wished he would just say something. The silence was damning. 

“Edmund?” His gaze didn’t falter at his name but stayed glued to Y/N’s hand. His eyes traveled up her arm, taking mental notes of every scar, bruise, bump, or cut. Edmund stood up without a word, the chair making a painful screeching noise in his path, and walked out of the coffee shop. 

Meeting her soulmate had been completely different in her head; maybe they would fall into each other’s arms in the streets of London. He would sweep her off of her feet after noticing a small scar on her neck and say something disgustingly romantic. “I’ve been waiting for you, Y/N, you’re even more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.” Then, they would fall madly, deeply in love, and adopt a dog. Fall wedding perhaps? Maybe summer? But here Y/N sat, one hand on her stomach, the other gripping a foreign notebook. Before Y/N could process what was happening, Edmund was out of sight and she was left to her own thoughts. 

~

“Y/N! Wake up!” Y/N was startled by Y/B/F/N shaking her awake. “Don’t you have a final in like an hour?” 

That sentence felt like a bucket of ice water. Y/N sprung up from her warm bed and scrambled to get ready. The clock seemed to run dangerously fast and by the time she opened the door of her lecture hall, the test was being passed out. 

“You have three hours and because I’m in such a good mood, you may use your study guide.” The professor continued to pass the packets around the room. They looked thick and time-consuming. Time management had never been Y/N’s strong suit. 

When she was handed her paper, all she could do was take a deep breath. This professor was a harsh grader, so unless her answers were 100% correct, there was no way Y/N would pass. She took the unfamiliar notebook she received from Edmund out of her bag and opened it to his scribbled notes. 

His handwriting was somewhere in between messy and neat; some of the words ran into one another and they were all slanted to the right slightly, yet the letters were beautifully constructed and entirely intelligible. Edmund also took it upon himself to highlight passages he deemed important with a note at the beginning that read: my sister had to take o chem. I asked her what’s important. That was sweet, Y/N thought. 

It seemed as if Edmund knew what he was talking about, too. Each answer was answered completely with further background information to make it easy to understand. Why would you willingly take this? Seems like hell… was written in the margins next to one of the boxes of text. I could say the same about law, sweater boy. 

By the time Y/N had finished her final, the three hours had turned into 10 minutes. She was one of three students left in the classroom and the other two were looking beyond panicked. Most of the class seemed to have either blazed through it like it was an 8-year-old’s math homework or given up halfway through and accepted their loss. Y/N, however, had to pass this class so she triple-checked her answers, took a daydream break, then checked it again. She would be lying if she said her daydreams didn’t consist of Edmund. She wondered if he would ever text her again. 

The young girl hurriedly walked out of the classroom, happy to be done with the semester. She wrapped her jacket tightly around her and braced herself to brave the aggressive weather. 

“Hey,” A voice from her right called out. It was Edmund; he was leaning against the wall lazily. His nose was a bright pink, as were his cheeks, and his hands were pushed into his pockets for warmth.

“Edmund? What are you doing here? You must be freezing!” Y/N walked over to him and looked him once over. A simple long sleeve shirt, vest, and jeans. Y/N slung her wool scarf around his neck. 

“Oh, uh, thanks…” He pushed himself off of the wall with his shoulder. Damn, his shoulders were huge. 

“I’m sorry about the coffee shop, I didn’t mean to jump you like that,” Y/N apologized bashfully. He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“No, I get it. I would have the same reaction. That’s, uh, why I’m here.” Edmund was awkward, looking anywhere but her eyes. Instead, he observed her freckles, eyebrows, and cheeks. “I was wondering if we could, uh, talk? Maybe somewhere private? Like my dorm?”

“Oh, so you want to take me, your newly discovered soulmate, back to your dorm?” Y/N had a hint of mischief in her eyes and a teasing smile on her lips. Edmund’s eyes grew wide and he started to sputter. 

“That’s not what I meant! I would never! I mean unless you wanted to, but no! I just meant to talk,” His cheeks are red again, but this time it wasn’t from the cold. 

“I’m just taking the piss, let’s go, vesty.”

~ 

Edmunds dorm was not what she was expecting. One side looked like it was hit by a tornado, but the other was very organized. Even on the floor, there was a distinct division between the two sides. The neat side, which appeared to be Edmund’s, was very plain. His bed was made with a red duvet and black pillows, his desk was blank besides a small pencil cup, and the cork board hanging above his desk had reminders and pictures. 

“Those are my siblings,” Edmund noticed Y/N’s wandering eyes. “They’re practically dying to meet you, Y/N.”

“How did you know my name? I never told you,” She crossed her arms and strained her neck to look back at him. 

“Ah, so I was right, you don’t remember me. We took a few classes together during first and second years. I always thought you were cute, so I guess it stuck.” Now it was Y/N’s turn to blush. 

“You think I’m cute?” Her arms uncrossed and turned so she was facing him head-on. 

“Well, yeah. You are my soulmate, after all, Y/N. Don’t be silly,” Edmund seemed to be growing more and more comfortable. He was enjoying watching her blush because of what he said; it made a sense of pride grow in his stomach. This was his person, and she was standing right in front of him. 

“Speaking of soulmates…” Y/N trailed off and looked towards the floor. Her hands grasp the zipper of her jacket and unzip it, before rolling up the bottom of her shirt. The jagged scar was on full display, a stark contrast against the skin of her abdomen. Edmund eyed it guiltily; he knew the exact pain she had to go through to get that scar. She had to go through that pain because of him. His own hands found the bottom seam of his own clothes and pulled it up to reveal a matching mark. 

“I can explain but you won’t believe me,” His honey-brown eyes met hers. 

“Try me, Pevensie.” 

He led her to sit on her bed and sat next to her. Y/N hastily kicked off her shoes so she could sit with her legs crossed on her bed. Her shoes tumbled to the ground with two thuds. Edmund, on the other hand, just bent one leg and let the other hang off the edge. He took her hands in his. 

“You have to promise me to listen to it all before you ask questions,” Edmund fidgeted nervously with a ring on Y/N’s fingers as they spoke. Y/N didn’t know if this was on purpose or a subconscious action, but it comforted her all the same.  

“Well, when I was young my parents sent my siblings and me to live away from home. When we were there, my little sister Lucy discovered a wardrobe in one of the spare rooms. Well, inside the wardrobe was this beautiful land called Narnia. It was gorgeous and huge! And when I say huge, I mean HUGE!” He caught himself rambling excitedly and reeled it back in. “Well, uh, anyway, there was this woman, we called her the White Witch and she manipulated me into basically selling my siblings out. The entire nation of Narnia got into a huge battle and the White Witch stabbed me.” 

“Did she lock you up somewhere cold?” Y/N asked, disregarding her promise to stay quiet. 

“Um, yeah. She locked me in this big ice cell. It wasn’t fun. I’m pretty sure I almost got frostbite but my body rejected it because I started warming up randomly.”

Y/N smiled. The paper towel. 

“But that scar on your stomach,” He took his hand away from yours and gently touched your stomach. “Is because she stabbed me. But again, my sister Lucy had this special liquid that could heal any injury.” 

Edmund seemed to smile at the memory. “Long story short, my siblings and I got crowned Kings and Queens of Narnia and ruled for a number of years. We then got sent back-”

“Wait, wait, wait, Kings, and Queens? Who are you? Alexander the Great?” Her tone was teasing and unbelieving. 

“Edmund the Just, actually. And I told you to listen!” His smile reached his eyes this time. “Well we came back to earth through the wardrobe and we were kids again! About a year later, we returned to Narnia and met our good friend Caspian. We had to fight Caspian’s home country. In the end, Aslan helped us and Caspian became a king as well.”

“Who’s Aslan?” Y/N was doing her best to keep up and believe the information, but it was quite hard. 

“He’s a big lion, he’s kind of like the ruler of Narnia. I guess you could say a God? I guess…”

“A big lion god? Edmund…”

“I know it sounds crazy, Y/N. I know but you have to believe me! I went one more time with Lucy and my cousin. We were on a big Naval ship with Caspian and we had to find a bunch of swords-”

“Edmund, love, just tell me the truth.” Y/N was sad that right off the bat her soulmate was lying to her. Edmund’s eyes seemed to lose their sparkle. 

“I would never lie to you, Y/N. Here, look.” He took off Y/N’s scarf and gently placed it on the bed before pulling his vest and shirt over his head. On his rips was a beautifully drawn tattoo of a lion that appeared to be roaring. And on his collarbone was a sword. Y/N delicately reached her hand out and ran her fingertips against the drawing of the weapon. It had insane detail and the way it was drawn made it look sharp. Y/N retracted her hand and sat back. 

“That’s one of the swords we found during my third trip. It was gifted to Caspian by the lord who owned it. And this is Aslan. His roar was the most powerful magic in all of Narnia.” Edmund searched Y/N’s face for any emotion she was feeling. Right now, she was staring at the sword with a pondering look on her face. 

“Okay, say you were a king-”

“I am a king.”

“Fine, you’re a king. What exactly did you do, ya know, as a ruler?”

“Well, me and my brother Peter ran the army and trained them for battle. Along with other things like managing trade and creating political policies.”

“So, fighting? You fight?”

“Yeah, I fought in many battles, big and small. I got stabbed, remember.” His smile was cheeky and he pulled his long sleeve back on. “Once I got good, I didn’t even use a shield. I fought with two swords.”

“TWO? Aren’t those things heavy?”

“Well, yes, but when you went through all of the training I did, it gets easier.” Edmund could tell he was starting to believe him. 

“Tell me more.”

~

The two spent the next few hours discussing the ins and outs of Narnia down to the floor plan of Cair Paravel. Y/N had decided that Edmund had way too much detail to be making it up, and even if he did, it was so magical that she wouldn’t even be mad. 

“Okay, vesty, I believe you.” Y/N says after Edmund gave a lengthy explanation about all the gifts his siblings received and what they do. He stopped mid-word and stared at her. 

“You believe me? Really?” 

Y/N smiled and nodded. “Yes, Edmund. I’m going to be spending my life with you, your highness, so I may as well get familiar with it.”

“Please don’t call me that,” Edmund scooted closer to her. “I hated it even when people in Narnia called me that. I don’t need people outside of Narnia calling me it. Especially not you.” 

She turned her head so she was staring right at him. “Why not me?” Y/N’s speech came out as a whisper. They were so close that she didn’t need to speak loudly. 

“Because if I really was your highness, it would be kind of weird for me to do this.”

Edmund placed a hand on Y/N’s jaw and leaned in. His lips barely brushed her lips before pressing firmly against them. Y/N’s eyes closed shut and she happily kissed back. 

When people described kissing their soulmate for the first time, they always explain it as an electric spark igniting throughout their entire body. They explain it as a firework show full of magnificent colors. Kissing Edmund didn’t feel like that. Kissing Edmund felt like home. She felt safe, secure, and loved as if kissing this boy was what she was meant to do for her entire life. The way he tasted, like peppermint and candy, was the best thing she had ever tasted. And they way he held her, one hand on her jaw and the other holding her close to him by her waist, felt like the warmth of a favorite blanket. The way he moved made her knees feel like jelly. 

As their lip lock continued, his fingertips danced across her back until it landed on the other side of her jaw. He pulled away from their kiss, pressing a quick peck against her nose and jaw before leaning against his headboard. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for my entire life,” Y/N said, her voice gentle and soft. 

“Me too. The thought of kissing you, Y/N L/N, was the only thing that got me through some tough times. I had to make it to be able to feel what it was like.”

Y/N was silent for a long moment. 

“Edmund, love, do you think I will ever go to Narnia?”

Edmund looked at her for a long moment then smiled with half of his mouth. 

“I don’t know, darling, but anything is possible. Especially when it comes to Narnia.” 

[arvandus]

Touch (Pt 2)

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ only please!  Drug abuse/withdrawal, adult language/themes, heavy angst, past trauma/abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, fluff, pining, slow burn, eventual emotional SMUT. *please pay attention to the chapter tags as these warnings will apply at different times*

Synopsis: When you first joined the LOV to lend your healing quirk, Dabi  terrified you.  Not interested in attachments, he wanted to keep it  that way.  That is, until he needs your help. (Slow burn, soft Dabi).

Time Frame: Right before the League meets Overhaul

Additional notes: I took some liberty in giving Reader a backstory that fits in with the BNHA world and is important for the story.  If that bothers you, I apologize - just think of it as role playing!  Also, this’ll probably be broken up into 8-10 parts, roughly.  JUST KIDDING - this has now turned into an epic (roughly) 40 chapter series.  Oops.

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters.

Recommended Chapter Song: Cradles by Sub Urban

Part 1

Artwork credit to @hellowon31​ on Twitter (https://twitter.com/hellowon31)

Part 2 - A Crack In The Armor

The pain came back, just as you said it would.   What you didn’t mention was that the numbness would gradually fade away.  It might sound nice to some, but Dabi hated it. He felt like he was driving towards a cliff in slow motion, waiting for the crash, unable to turn the wheel.  He had no control.  He hated this feeling of helplessness and traded it for anger instead. Why did he even ask for your help to begin with?

His answer was given to him as soon as your quirk’s effect finally stopped.  Dabi stared angrily at the empty pill bottles. It was amazing how quickly the brain adapted, his body acting as if he’d never had to deal with his damaged nerves before.  He had half a mind to hunt you down and demand you take care of it. He didn’t, of course, pride the deciding factor.  The scars were his, a series of choices made, a patchwork flag he wore into battle.  They were his burden and a reminder of his fight; he wasn’t going to give that up so easily.  Still, he couldn’t deny the temptation that surrounded him like a cloud, even if all he did was entertain the thought. 

Dabi waited all day for your visit until finally your characteristic knock on his door rewarded his patience.  He stood from his bed and cooled his features into their typical mask before opening the door. There you stood, keen eyes already assessing him.

“Can I come in?” you asked. Like the day before, he stepped aside just enough to let you pass.  He had discovered yesterday that he liked having your presence close to him… it gave his pulse a little rush.  He caught a whiff of your shampoo as you gingerly passed him and felt the softness of your shirt as it brushed against his own like a whisper.  His grip on the doorknob tightened.

As soon as Dabi closed the door behind you, you got started.  You were determined to be strictly business.  “How’re you feeling?” you asked, keeping your tone even, the perfect balance of concern and professionalism.  Dabi wanted to laugh.  Were you always this serious?

“Like shit.” He grinned. “That quirk of yours is potent stuff.”

You couldn’t help but let a grin escape in response to his candid words, a fracture in your hastily built armor.  “Not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

“It’s a compliment.” He stated.

You felt your throat go tight.  Stay on task.  Stay on task.  You cleared your throat slightly as you averted your eyes from him.  “Well, let’s have a look.”

With a little less flair than yesterday, he removed his jacket like before, followed by his shirt as he turned around to display his back for you.

You could see that the bandages were seeped through.  You had laid them on thick since you knew you wouldn’t be able to check on him as often as you’d like – he was still going out to do Shigaraki’s bidding and you had others to look after as well.  You were planning on seeing him daily, but it looked like he’d need more. 

Your little checkups were far from over.  You couldn’t help but wonder what he thought about that.  You honestly weren’t sure what you thought about it yourself.

“I’m going to use my quirk and then change your bandages.  I’ll check on you again tomorrow morning before you leave.”

“How often do we have to do this?” Dabi asked.  His tone was difficult to decipher.  Concerned? Annoyed? …Hopeful?

You cleared your throat again, desperate for a glass of water, as you began to remove the soiled gauze. “I’ll probably visit you twice daily for the first week, then reduce it to once a day or every couple of days for the second week.  We’ll see where we are by then.  It’ll take at least a few weeks before it’s fully healed.  That’s only if you’re good though, and don’t go out and use your quirk for a bit.”

“I won’t make any promises.” He replied.

You sighed.  “Well, at least your honest.  Really though, you should at least try not to use it.”

“That’s up to the Crusty Hands.” Dabi replied.  “He’s the one sending me out there to try to recruit members and gather intel.”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname for Shigaraki.  “Couldn’t you ask him for a break then?” You asked, your head tilted. “No point in making you hurt yourself over lackey work.”

The question was innocent enough, but Dabi turned around and stared at you like you grew a second head. Ask Shigaraki for time off? The thought made Dabi bristle for so many reasons.

You quickly caught on to his shift in mood and tried to repair your previous statement. “Look.  I get it if that’s an issue for you. Maybe I could be the one to ask him.  I can make it a medical request, since I’m the healer.”

That option almost seemed worse.  He didn’t need to be excused from his duties like a child with a sick note. And he most certainly didn’t want you putting your neck out for him.

“Look, I know your still kinda new here.  So, let me break this down.  There is no ‘sick time’ in the League of Villains.  No vacation, no hazard pay.  We all got our jobs to do.”

Now you bristled, your shoulders tensing up and your arms crossed in front of you defensively. “Yeah.  And my job is to make sure you crazy idiots don’t kill yourselves before we complete our mission.  You know, the big long-term one where we change the world, not the pointless dirty work Shigaraki’s got you doing.”

“Pointless dirty work? That dirty work is how we reach that long-term goal, sweetheart.”   Dabi grinned devilishly.  “I didn’t realize you had such strong opinions about how we do things here.”

“Just the part about using your talents for recruiting street thugs.  Most of them are idiots that can’t tell Stain’s message from an anarchist bumper sticker.”

You were right, of course. Dabi chuckled.  You were more interesting than he thought.

“Look,” you said, your voice quieter as you uncrossed your arms.  “We’re all in this together come hell or high water, and I’m really hoping we can all see it through to the end.  If that means taking some time off to let your body recover, then I’d think that’d be worth doing.”

Dabi stared at you silently while something tightened in his chest.  Your need to hold everyone together like glue was admirable and almost… endearing.  He felt a sinking feeling in his gut.  He knew there was a high likelihood they wouldn’t all see the end of this, if the end ever even comes.  Did you know that but stubbornly hold onto your optimism?  Or were you really that naïve that you believed there was a chance that everyone could come out unscathed?  When the worst happens – which it inevitably will – will you blame yourself?

The thought bothered him.

For the first time Dabi’s mask slipped, and for the briefest of moments you could see the pity in his eyes.

“Thanks for the concern doll, but I got it under control.” Dabi said, his voice unusually calm. “Besides, if I took time off every time I hurt myself with my quirk, then I’d never be any use.”

Between his eyes and his words, there was no room for discussion, so you let the topic drop. 

You let out a defeated sigh. “Well then, let’s get started.” You placed your hands on his back.

Once again, the sweet balm of your touch spread across his skin, bringing back the relief he had missed. His body responded instinctively. His breathing slowed; his muscles relaxed.  He closed his eyes, relishing in the sensation.  You noticed the slightest drop in his shoulders and a pang of sympathy washed over you like a wave.  You wished you could do more for him, but you had to conserve your quirk for the others too.

You cleaned his wound quickly and applied fresh bandages without any more talk.  As quickly as it had begun, it was over.  Without missing a beat, he pulled his shirt back on while you packed your items.

You turned to leave, but paused for a moment before turning back slightly, your eyes bravely locking with his.  “Try to get some rest… it’ll help your body heal faster.”

Dabi didn’t respond with his usual quips.  Instead, his electric blue eyes stared at you in a way that made your blood pulse in your ears and the air burn in your lungs.  You stood captivated for a moment, locked in his gaze, before finding your way out of the maze of his eyes and left his room, hearing the quiet click of the door behind you.

 Without a word, Dabi sat on the edge of the bed and stared at his hands.  His brow furrowed in confusion.

This was supposed to be a game.  A game of walls and mazes and misdirection. He was the ‘Asshole,’ full of snarky comments and flirty quips all while withholding his true self.  He didn’t need friends, just coworkers so he could carry out his mission and bring Stain’s vision to life before his quirk killed him.  But your magic hands dismantled his walls, allowing you to walk right in and get in his head with your stubborn heart.  He had cared. For the briefest of moments, he cared.

It was his game.  Why did he feel like he was losing?

______________________________________________________________

Part 3

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