#thank you stupid motherfuckers

[blackmetalsnake]

The Russian Supreme Court has just declared the “international LGBT social movement” extremist and banned its activities on Russian territory.

Good fucking job, now I'm even more illegal in my country simply by the fact of my existence.

Иди нахуй, правительство России. 🖕🖕🖕

[gastly-beholder]

BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE BITE KILL AND RAVAGE

[lesbianshadowheart]

blue knees is BEHIND and will FIND. what he has been looking for.all alooooong. all aloo o one. where. he. belooongs

[rainingincale]

Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*

[bytebun]

.

[trenchcrows]

TOMMY!!!!

@stil-yr-adam we arting

[citrine-elephant]

read smut and now i want to give leon a moment of pure joy and good boy pats that's.... entirely unrelated to smut beyond the emotional highs.

[lovinggreeniehours]

OKAY. to the people observing, hello, i am awake now, good morning. ramble in the tags because honestly i still feel kinda wounded by yesterday but also now im embarrassed by the gravity of my reaction

[roturo]

⋆.˚⭒⋆.˚ WATCH IT!

Gojo Satoru didn't predicted this move... So he ended up fucking you lol ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ G!Satoru x afab!reader and sex pollen!

tags: smut, sex pollen, unprocteted sex (wrap it and pee after sex), overstimulation (like A LOT), use of nicknames (princess, baby, good boy, love...) multiple rounds, praise kink, angst if you squint your eyes till you cry like gojo, sub(ish)!gojo satoru, god complex, fluff if you take one eye out, crack, belly bulgde, creampie, breeding kink, crempie kink, A LOT of cum, dumbfication, cock warming, npr.

A/N: happy holidays! might be my last writing of the year so i wish you lots of love and happiness <3 i might write pt2 for this one and 'she's back', which one would you like first?

o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

DAY 1: HOW IT STARTED

How the fuck at his grown ass age Gojo Satoru could be this stupid. And that’s big coming from him, because this man considers himself the senior of seniors and god of gods. So, how come he falled into this?

And you know what? Maybe it is his fault! For believing he’s a superior and underestimating such a weak and useless curse he just killed. But, this weak and useless curse has him going crazy. That really was karma paying back to him because motherfucker- Why is he feeling all giddy and hot all of sudden? This has never happened to him before, so that’s why he’s losing his mind right now and almost sprinting into his room because of how bothered he was feeling to just teleport. 

Everything was like hell. Really, like hot as hell. And how does Satoru know that? Uh well, because he’s living it right now.

He couldn’t bear the sensation anymore and dialogue Shoko’s number like it was a habit.

“What do you want, Gojo? I’m in the middle of trying to know how Yuuji’s body is capable of being Sukuna’s vessel. Like- It’s quite important right now, and more than debating about some of your dumb tv shows you-”

Shoko’s voice was interrupted by a whine coming from Gojo’s line, seconds of silence continued the awkward moment between the both of them, while all Gojo could do was breathe and maintain his whines inside of his body before he started literally moaning.

“Are you okay, Gojo?...”

“Fuck, no. Some fucking curse sprayed me all over with some fucking stinky pollen. Didn’t even taste great, by the way. And now I'm just feeling really hot, sometimes dizzy… or kinda giddy? fuck. And my breathing became irregular. I’m fucking sprawled out in my bed trying to find a comfy position but my legs won’t cooperate.”

A loud laugh was heard coming from Shoko’s line. It was clear she’s been holding it all this time just trying to make sure she’s gettin it right.. and well. 

“Gojo.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you hard right now?”

Silence. 

“You know what? I’m sending Y/N over there with some medicine. You’ve been sprayed with sex pollen by the way.”

Sex- what?! 

Before he couldn’t even ask Shoko any question since she quickly hung up. Leaving a needy and confused (and hard) Gojo.

Knock. Knock. 

No answer, but a weird sounding moan? You gave yourself permission to enter Gojo’s room since no life signals were heard. But- holy fuck. Was this a reward or a punishment from the gods?

He was kneeled down on his bed, one of his hands used as a support placed in his bare calf while his other hand was as fast as possible jerking himself off. You stayed still some seconds before rewinding back to what Shoko told you before coming here.

“He might be another type… of… Gojo?... Anyways. He’ll be really needy and like a lost puppy looking for some salvation. I gave you this backpack with all you would need, yeah? Thank me later and good luck.”

So that’s why her flat ass was quickly sending you off with a backpack full of water bottles and snacks. Sex fucking pollen. Great.

It’s not like people don’t know that both of you have been crushing into each other lately, hell- even his newest student asked about this. But you never expected for it to be like this.

“G-Gojo…?”

Your voice was barely a whisper, but it’s like a hawk located his next prey because of how instant his reaction was just for your voice. A drunk smile on his face, while both of his hands fall infront of him trying to hide the act that was going on minutes ago. His sculptured white as snow body covered in a hot layer of sweat. Not being able to catch a breath thanks to this sight, somehow he’s in front of you. 

“Are you here to help me? Y/N?”

His voice sounded so different. But at the same time it was just Gojo.

A small nod was all the reaction he got. You could smell that sweaty smell, looking down you found yourself looking at a large wet spot staining his black briefs. While his cock does nothing to imagination, marking perfectly the shape of it. Moving your gaze to his v-line, a white happy trail proudly adorning it. Eyes moving up, you found yourself looking at his clearly erected nipples, But all this examination was over once he interrupted your thoughts.

“I need a verbal affirmation, princess”

Ah, the nicknames. If you weren’t wet by now, you’re pretty sure you’re leaking right now all because of him.

“Yes Satoru, I’ll help you.”

His knees felt weak. Literally. He kneeled down in front of you, it was like he hypnotized and somehow could smell through your body into emotions. His hands were cold but hot at the same time he roamed your body.

You tried warning him by calling his name while he started kissing the softness of your thighs, telling him to at least move you towards the bed. And his body was doing what you said like if you were controlling him, while his mind was somewhere else. He moved the both of you towards his bed, making you lie down. His head not wasting any second between your thighs until his nose touched where you needed him the most and you whimpered at the feeling. Clearly triggering a new kind of need inside Gojo.

Everything happened really fast. Between some kisses and moaning, Gojo ripped your shorts and pantoes a muffled noise coming out from him of what you suppose was “I’ll buy you new ones later” but right now you couldn’t care less.

Not when his tongue slowly started tracing the way from your entrance until it reached your core. Teasing it with kitten licks, while his hands remained on your hips from preventing moving them.

His tongue quickly found a rhythm between your entrance and your clit, forming infinite signs between them. And the simulation was too much you couldn’t notify Gojo about your orgasm- But he was so lost in the feeling of your thighs suffocating him and the taste of yourself in his lips, he swears he could die as a happy man right now.

And like it wasn’t enough, Gojo kept eating you out even after your intense orgasm. Overstimulation taking over your body, trying to take him off your core, ended up with annoyed groans coming out from him.

“Satoru, love, fuck. I need you to stop, please.”

The nickname had him exploding with happiness, he really looked like a puppy from this angle. His eyes looked ethereal, his mouth covered with your fluids and his face was with a cute smile while he called out your name.

“Will you please let me fuck you?”

A small giggle came out from your mouth, Gojo’s face looked a little sad and embarrassed, but was quickly erased when you pecked his lips. And that was all he needed to clumsily take off his briefs and while he climbed back to the bed, taking off your top while doing so. His eyes were full of adoration looking over your body, before he pressed his lips into yours, locking them for a long moment, clearly enjoying the moment, before the kiss turned more heated and he started kissing every part of your body again.

His tip was now wet thanks to your folds, Easily slipping through it. 

“Ffuck- Ssatoru- Be a good boy and put it in, please?”

Gojo needed no more words before thrusting his cock whole into you with one swift movement, hitting perfectly against that spongy spot that made you see stars. But something didn’t feel right. Not in a bad way. Since you re-opened your eyes to find a glassy eyed Satoru mumbling a lot of ´sorry’s´ while he kept thrusting.

Oh.

He came with just one thrust and was overstimulating himself, still rock hard with no break while he hid his face in the crook of your neck while marking it as his and tearing down from the pleasure. 

You’re pretty sure he came again, when he whimpered your name and moaned against your ear but still continued thrusting into you perfectly. And he was so lost in the pleasure of overstimulating himself he didn’t realize once he confessed to you.

“You’re so pretty- ffuck– I really want to make you mine now. So no one could look at you, not even in a friendly way. Just… have you all for me- sshit. I love you.”

You didn’t want to get your hopes up, thinking it was all because of the moment, so you just had to enjoy it for now. His thrusts were so  fast and hard, but somehow still felt romantic. Like this was a normal routine on a daily basis. And you would be disgusted by the pool of cum forming under the both of you if you weren’t so close to your third orgasm this night. No matter how many times you told Gojo to stop for a moment and take a break, he would cum again, and still be hard so he had to keep thrusting.

Your mind is lost now. All you could ever think about right now was Gojo Satoru and his immense cock. He wouldn’t stop mumbling praises to you, saying this was all for you to feel good and he would stop once you cum at least 3 times more than him. A hard dare to get over with. Or maybe it already happened?

You begged for mercy, not thinking he could get another orgasm out of you. Hell- to even get an orgasm out of him. His hands interweld into yours, and moved it down towards your tummy.

“Do you feel it, baby? I'm right here. Ahh~ I’m pretty sure my cum is there too heh. Your tummy is full of me and my cum.”

He sounded drunk. Like. Really drunk. But his words took off your last orgasm of the night, apparently your reaction making his trigger off and cum… dry?

How many fucking times did Gojo Satoru came inside you?

Will pills even prevent a pregnancy?

“Ah- shit baby.”

You couldn’t pay attention to him anymore, quickly slipping into dreamland. Gojo not once leaves your side. Literally. He was cock-warming, still hard, but no energy (and cum) to continue his misery.

You were here at 7.45 o’clock, one last look at the clock and it was 3.23 in the morning.

And it was like you just blinked, because a whimper came out of your mouth. Looking again into the clock, it was 10 AM, and Gojo was not over.

[homunculus-argument]

Some people are calmed by thinking of the little infuriating inconveniences of life as trials from god. Like I don't know how serious they really are, but I can see how it could be soothing to think "the lord is testing me" when everyone's in your way and you just want to go apeshit, grab somebody by the ankles and then beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker. I am not one of those people, but I can see the logic in that.

I am, however, infuriatingly stupid. People who know me and have seen how I literally could not help being like this to save my life still admit that sometimes it's hard to believe that I genuinely do not do that on purpose. And now that I think about it, maybe I can just think of myself as the vehicle of these trials for others. Walking up to someone's front desk knowing damn well that they're not going to like what I'm about to say like

"Hello, my name is [redacted] and I am your divinely appointed trial from god for today. Anyway the thing that you've got out there at the front for customers has recently been fucked to smithereens because I didn't realise that this thing that I thought was a handle actually comes off, and the whole thing exploded. Thank you for your patience."

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Random NSFW headcanon please? (If you do nsfw...)

alrighty roo, buckaroo, lets discuss kinkage - thank you so much for the request

Random Kinks They Deffo Have

They: Iruka, Kakashi, and Itachi (with additions of Sasuke and Shikamaru) (f!Reader)

Warnings: whew! Swearing, explicit smut, power play, somno/free use, auralism, names of authority, praise kink, spit/blood/cum play, idk just please be 18

Notes: This one is for the freaks, obvi Boruto!Sasuke and Boruto!Shikamaru, I'm begging for everyone's thoughts and opinions - be prepared for Shikamaru's to be nasty

Masterlist💿

Iruka

Power Play

He just fucking loves when you take control

Anything you tell him to do, Iruka will do compulsively, and he's absolutely twitching when you tell him how good he is for doing so

All! About! Your! Pleasure!

Iruka's favourite encounters would be when he's not allowed to touch you, though, funnily enough

You're riding him, and all he can do is watch your sultry smile and feel your pussy hugging him tight - he wants to feel you, to run his hands all over your body - but he can't - or else you'll slow down to a halt and sometimes even pull him out, just to give him a beration of sorts

Now, that said, Iruka does not fuck with demeaning talk - you better love on this motherfucker, he's trying his goddamn best for you, and if you should negate that, it would allow a dark cloud to form over Iruka's mind

You don't want that, right? Exactly. So you keep it sweet, you give him stupid, little commands then fan the flames of his ego when he completes the command in spades

Lowk gets boyfriend-brain when he's with you, so kinda does need to be told what to do

Iruka is a sweetheart!!! He's always going what he can for you, all the time, even if you don't explicitly ask him to every time

Kakashi

Free Use/Somnophilia

When you said you would be okay with giving it a trial run, Kakashi was elated, and fucked you four seperate times that night, and began again before you woke up in the morning

He fucks you slow, almost trying not to wake you up, but the stretch is unmistakable

"Good morning, pretty lady. Have any good dreams?" He would ask, noticing your quickened breath, making you instantly relax into the situation

You love it - you stop sleeping in any amount of pant, just so Kakashi could have you as he pleased

When you got home, he would be pressing you against the door, when you try to start chopping vegetables for dinner, he would bend you over then pop you up on the counter when he just couldn't get enough

Kakashi's condition is that everything spontaneous happens within your shared, lovely, little home

He might sneak you away occasionally while the two of you are out, finding a small cache in the forest, but Kakashi would be asking for permission, assurance, consent at every step of the way - public is just different, but he's not entirely opposed

Kakashi just can't believe he's got you, and every time he looks at you, he needs to have you

Itachi

Auralism

He needs to hear you; the way your voice quakes, the way your nails rake across the skin of his back

Itachi's favourite sound though, is the harmony of your bodies meeting, skin smacking skin, squelches and a slick plunging sound, filling the room

Yeiff - let alone fucking outside - my god - Itachi wants your encounter to be so loud that the whole world knows what's going on

With his shit eyeslight, Itachi would prefer to close his eyes while fucking you, letting your beautifully wanton sounds paint a picture in his mind

In a perfect world, he would totally love to get tied up with a blindfold on - just to be at the mercy of your light touch and the intoxicating sound of your pleasure - Itachi would break the binding eventually, desperate to have his hands on you, needing to fuck you hard enough to hear the smacking and sloshing

Itachi is also the primo dirty talker, insisting you reply to him through your stinted pants, sharp gasps and breathy moans

His whole arousal around the subject of sound is cranked up to ten the second the two of you are in public - your little yips when he squeezes your ass, or the biting 'Itachi' that slips out of your mouth when he corners you to cop a feel

Oh, he fucks with names, you can call him whatever the fuck you want, so long as he's the one you're screaming about - but he likes it when you speak to him with more authoritarian honorifics (sir, daddy, lord)

Sasuke

Praise

Ooh, tell him he's hitting the spot and Sasuke would lose it, only trying to hit the exact same spot again

If you're ever out, singing his tune to another party, about anything, and Sasuke catches wind, he's taking you home immediately to prove he can provide more than you bargained for

Y'all, lets be real, and acknowledge that sweet Sasuke craves praise in any and all capacities, but most fervently in the four walls of your bedroom

Again and again, it doesn't matter how many times you tell him, he wants to hear it again

"Sasuke, your cock is so fucking big," you gasped as he slid in slowly.

"Louder. Tell the neighbours."

Loves, loves, loves to be able to hear the affect he's having on your body, every wave of pleasure, every jolt from your orgasm

Even if it's visibly clear that he's got you like putty in his palm, Sasuke will demand that you tell him how good he is, how deep he can reach, how much your pussy loved him

You're a blabbering mess, and it strokes Sasuke's ego to no end that he can bring you to this point, absolutely drunk with pleasure

Shikamaru

Spit/Blood/Cum Play

Anything Shikamaru can ingest that comes from your body (not excretions, sickos), he will

It's insane when you two hit the trifecta - Shikamaru cumming all over a patch of knicks on your stomach then spitting on the pile of liquid, he would mix it all together with his index finger, on top of you, before he would lean down and lick it all up, shoving the finger covered in the rose-tinted mixture into your mouth

Mm mm mm, and your cum, my good Christ, does he ever love your cum

Nothing brings Shikamaru so much joy as pulling his fingers out of you, being coated in a shiny slick

There's also something about the way your face screws up every time he brings a kunai into the bedroom - Shikamaru goes weak in the knees when he sees your crimson blood, glinting on the tip of the knife, losing it even further when you lick it off without hestitation

He's going to cum on your face, just to see you try to open those pretty eyelashes of yours, beads of white weighing them down

Shikamaru had no clue he was into fluids, until you randomly asked him, one day, to spit in your mouth - it's been a done deal since then, spitting just comes with the territory eventually

He always loved seeing your body get painted with his cum, but it's a whole different ball game to watch you play with it, to watch you lick it all up without wasting a drop like you used to do (honestly, Shikamaru can't even remember why he used to wipe his cum off of you)

[roggyroll]

[sirius' initial over-dramatic reaction to jegulus]

Sirius: –i dont even know what to say to you Reggie and James?! you stupid motherfucker, I just never expected this–

Remus: *under his breath* ...brotherfucker

Sirius: –from you, I'm honestly at a loss for words. How cou–

Sirius:

Sirius:

Sirius:

Sirius: what?

Remus:

Remus:

Remus: *shifting awkwardly**clears throat* ...i um... i said... brotherfucker...

Sirius:

Sirius:

Remus: ...because–

Sirius: *cold* yeah no i got it. i got it, thanks.

Remus:

Sirius:

Remus:

James: *incredulous*...really?!

Remus: *hands up in surrender* my bad!

[goldengirliez]

TIPSY MIKEY. We all stan a cute, tipsy Mikey.

09:53 pm

Nighttime is the most amazing part of the day. You can give yourself the attention you deserve, taking care of yourself, watching your favourite show, preparing a nourishing meal... All of this after the frenzy of the day, the heat of the city, the infinite traffic jams, and the overwhelmingness of your daily job.

Once you get your favourite shirt covering you up, you can't help but sigh contently, letting the perfume of the clothing fill your nostrils, the softness of the cotton fabric gently caressing your skin and the white colour of the tissue soothes your tired eyes.

His shirts are always your anchor after a long day when you haven't been able to meet. After a whole week you and your boyfriend, Mikey, haven't been able to meet because of his busy schedule due to an upcoming race and you being buried deep down the pit of work and hectic everyday life.

Just when you're about to get into the covers and call it a day, some motherfucker dares to ring the bell of your apartment, knocking at your door mercilessly. It's almost 10 pm, who could it possibly be?!

Stomping your feet towards the door of your apartment, you rub your eyes in a pissed manner, the lotion you put on your face earlier slightly oiling the tip of your fingers. When you open the door with a frustrated sigh, your eyes go from annoyed to surprised in less than two seconds. You surely didn't expect to find Draken, Mikey's best friend since the old days and a member of his racing team, looking at you apologetically while holding your boyfriend on his back, piggyback style.

You don't question him, despite wanting to do so, and let the beefy man in. He drops Mikey on your couch and he yelps, whining a slurred and slightly annoyed "Ken-chinnnnn".

You and Draken share a look that says it all: he was drunk, dead-drunk, cockeyed.

"A week is left before the big day, everyone wanted to meet up before having to go all in until the race day" Drake sighs and scratches the back of his head.

You have never seen him so shy, he must be quite tipsy too but you decide not to point that out, showing mercy for his virility.

"I'm sorry about this- he kept on blabbering about how much he missed you so I thought this was the best thing to do".

Of course, it is. Mikey's addicted to you. He loves you so much and every time he can't meet you even for a short period, not being able to hold you close and pepper your face in kisses, he loses it and does stupid things like... Getting drunk with his friends.

You can feel a sudden weight on your shoulder, strong arms wrapping around your waist like a snake and a stinging smell of mixed alcohol make its way through your senses.

Mikey's cheek is squished against your shoulder and he looks at you with big, doe onyx orbs and sweet, plump pouty lips.

His obsidian hair is a bit messy, and his cheek is slightly rosy due to his tipsiness.

You could devour him. He looks so adorable.

"Babyyy, is this really you? Fuck– I've missed you so much" winey voice and teary eyes. He always acts like a child whenever he's drunk and that never fails to put your heart in danger because of cuteness overload.

"You did great Draken, I'll take care of him, thank you for bringing him here" you smile at your boyfriend's best mate and motion him to go before Mikey throws off a tantrum on how much he had missed you and how you should have answered to his messages more often.

Just when he gets out you sigh and look at your boyfriend who's snuggling against you (probably because he's not even capable of standing still by himself), caressing your warm skin with the tip of his nose.

“Why haven't you answered any of my calls today, baby?”

It is surprising how his voice rings in your years, shaking your very core: his slurred and childish words from before have been completely replaced by a deep, low and shy whisper. He sounds pained.

You can feel the warmth of his muscles flex on your abdomen as he brings you closer to him until your back is touching his toned chest. His heart is thrumming against his ribcage, you can feel it.

“Can't focus on anything without hearing from you for so long… I get worried too, ya know?”

Your Manjiro has always been this way, whenever he got tipsy, he would always become more clingy, whinier and vulnerable.

Despite this, his charm is undeniable and you can't help but pend from his lips when his words flow effortlessly like the smoothest cream. Listening to him and absorbing his body heat is like indulging in the sweetest thing you might ever taste.

He doesn't do it on purpose, such antics become natural when he's with you: your magnecticity touches every cell of his body and makes it act on its own, getting on the right frequency just because you are there.

You're everything he needs and all he has always had.

You can't blame him for behaving like this, like the lovestruck man he is.

“I’m so sorry, ‘jiro, I've been busy… but I'll make it up to you, okay?”

His body weight leans more towards you as he mutters a slurred ‘you better'. Despite wanting to sound pissed, the smile on his face is clear as day even if his face is hidden in the curve on your neck. His satisfied tone betrays him: maybe wearing one of his shirts was a start to make up for the lost time already.

As your hand smoothes over his liquorice locks you can feel a damp, hot sensation on your neck: his hot breath reaches your skin as he kisses it in both relief and contentment, exciting your nostrils with a pungent hint of alcohol.

Once your hands make contact with his back in a fluid, circular motion, you can feel Mikey's muscles tense and melt in your hold in less than a few seconds: you prepared him a warm bath to help him ease up his paranoia about “you avoiding him” and wash off that nauseous smell of liquor that was making you sick.

The water ripples underneath his body, circular little waves expand and dissolve among the warm water whenever he moves.

Letting the fragrance of the oils and the body wash hug his senses, filling his thoughts with your gentle hand scratching his scalp deliciously with the tip of your fingers and your idyllic voice that echoes through the bathroom walls he feels at peace.

He breathes in deeply every time, his toned chest rises and falls at a slow pace and the droplets of water kiss every inch of the skin for you, sliding down his muscles deliciously.

With his eyes gently closed and his silky, obsidian hair sticking to his forehead slightly, he looks like a greek god, just for you to be blessed with.

You can't help but sigh happily as his consciousness clears up with every passing minute: he starts to make more coherent sentences, talking to you about his week and complaining about his team that put his life in such a hectic frenzy for the upcoming race that he hardly had time to check up on you.

“The only way I thought I could see you was by taking advantage of this dinner: I mean, no one wants to deal with a drunk, complaining pain the ass before the race, yeah? They had to let me come here, I'm a genius!”

You love him for that.

The soft thuds that jog up the stairs are unmistakable: as Mikey reaches your room and opens the door, you are already waiting for him in the bed, keeping the sheets warm for him, and making a comforting nest for his arrival.

He insisted that you wait for him upstairs as he brushed his teeth and dressed up, claiming that he wasn't that tipsy to be looked out for like the big baby he is.

Let's give him credit for that, he was right.

His face seems to be sparking under the warm light of your abatjour, the freshness of his body reaches your nose more and more as he walks closer to the bed, inching towards your face so you can breathe in and taste the minty scent of his mouth onto yours with a sloppy kiss.

When your hand guides its way on his collarbone, tickling his damp skin with your palm, he wastes no time hovering over your frame completely and crushing his weight on top of you, making the soft mattress sink lower underneath your bodies.

Even if Mikey has always had a quite smaller frame compared to other guys, he never fails to knock the breath off your lungs when he catches you by surprise. He might have a thing for that small puff of air that leaves your chest unexpectedly, making you yelp in such a delightful tone… but he would never admit that out loud. Where would the fun be otherwise?

Snuggling against your body, you can feel the tip of his nose playfully rub against your cheek as he kisses your jaw with a small movement of his mouth, the softest flower petals caressing your tender skin graciously.

Useless to say that you'll sleep in that position for the whole night and you have no room to argue, not when your man starts to mindlessly mumble sweet nonsense under his breath and ask questions about your week until late that night.

Mikey's head is still a bit fuzzy, his senses don't connect down on earth fully due to the fragmentary memories of the embarrassing, confused events that happened that night tormenting his subconscious, but he doesn't care: as long as your voice lulls him to sleep, all his repressed pre-race anxieties melt away; every fear of having missed out on a big event of your life that week dissolves into thin air; every inch of the emptiness that your absence brought fills up gradually, leaving him giddy inside.

He doesn't deny it, Manjiro admits that he can be whiney, childish and reckless (idiotic actually): getting drunk and causing a scene at the restaurant, screaming at the waiter because he didn't receive a flag on his entrecôte and spilling the carafe of wine on the white table cloth in front of the team before falling from the chair wasn’t the best idea to get him to your house, especially since he's an emergent public figure in the motorcycle racing industry.

But, honestly, that's all worth it if he gets to spend time with you once again, babying him the way he deserves.

English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes!

This has been in my drafts for way too long, so I decided to finish it– I'm not that proud of the outcome but I hope it brought a smile on your face regardless!

Sending y'all hugs. ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

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[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

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61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

[hitomisuzuya]

Gamer! Scaramouche x fem!reader. Smut. Fingering. Degradation. Edging.

I'd like to tag and thank @wanderingconstellations and @scara6 for letting me run with this idea❤️ Here is what I came up with. In honor of the Five Nights at Freddy's movie coming out next month, that's the game Scara is playing.

The frustration radiating from Scaramouche was almost physically tangible in his room. His eyes were narrowed into a concentrated glare on his computer screen. One hand was poised over the buttons on the keyboard.

The other was thrusting three fingers angrily into your cunt. Your slick was starting to cake on the insides of your thighs, he'd been at it for so long. Your hand was gripping the edge of his computer desk right with every push of his fingers, to the point where you were clawing at the surface. Sometimes he kissed your sweet spot. But, most time he didn't.

"Be-ah-be careful, Scara. I think," You trailed off, a strong jolt of pleasure shooting straight to your throbbing clit when his fingers suddenly hit your sweet spot. Admist the hazy cloud of pleasure, you are still trying to help him out, "I think Freddy is..up..ah, ah,..and about," You could barely get the sentence out.

"Shut up, slut. I'm trying to concentrate," He snapped, withdrawing his fingers to smack your clit, making your body tense before you cried out loudly.

Scaramouche could feel it. You were right, Freddy was gone from his usual place when he checked the cameras. Any second now, he was going to pop out and rock his shit.

It had happened 4 times already, and he wasn't going to let the stupid bear beat him again. The pace of his fingers got harsher, squelching slowly in and out of your cunt, not really caring if he hit your sweet spot or not.

He growled in frustrated concentration, straining to hear any little noise in the game that would warn him of Freddy's impending arrival. You let out some desperate whimpers, moving your hips to seek for friction from his fingers.

Scaramouche grit his teeth. It had been quiet for awhile now. Foxy and Bonnie were on the move as well, but Freddy was nowhere to be seen. He knew he was in Freddy's crosshairs, it was just a matter of when.

"Scara.." You whimpered, however you received no response. Not even an angry thrust of his fingers. He suddenly reached up, pinching your nipples roughly. Bonnie hadn't moved, so he focused on watching Foxy (because he was your favorite character).

You moaned louder, receiving a rough pinch on your nipple. "If you are gonna cum, then cum, empty headed slut," He hissed without sparing you a glance. He abruptly plunged three fingers back inside your your cunt. Your walls immediately clamped around his fingers, making you tremble as his fingers stopped just short of reaching your sweet spot.

Why?

Chica was active now too. "Fuck!" He cursed, slamming his fingers relentlessly into you. Never once hitting your sweet spot. Tears of desperation started to burn in your eyes.

"Camera..outside..the..ah!..door.." You struggled to find the words, you wanted to cum so bad.

Focusing on Foxy had been his mistake. Scaramouche completely missed the warning that would've saved him. And what was worse is that you saw it, and he didn't.

Freddy's music started playing, and then BAM, the lights went out, and Freddy closed in. Scaramouche hissed angrily, tossing his headset onto the desk. "Motherfucking bear!" He snarled, standing up from his chair.

You heard him yanking the button of his jeans undone, his cock harshly pushing inside of you. "How did you see it while my fingers were stuffing your whore cunt full, slut? How?" Scaramouche hissed angrily, groaning as he bottomed out into you.

Now he was hitting your sweet spot with his cock at a pace that was making you drool all over his desk as you moaned. One hand found the side your head, holding it down on his desk as he thrust, smacking a hand on your ass when you cried out.

You mewled in bliss. Scaramouche pinched your clit, rubbing his fingers against it. He groaned when it made your walls clamp tighter around his cock. "Your pathetic whimpers were breaking my concentration," He hissed, gripping your hips tighter.

"Finally, finally! More, Scara, more!" You moaned, feeling dizzy from the intensity of his thrusts.

"What a fucking slut!" His thrusts turned sloppy, his orgasm closing it. Gritting his teeth, he pulled out of you only to slam him cock back inside of you. "So needy..so good for me..fuck.."

His hand stroking through your hair was appreciative after his cum throbbed in ribbons inside of you. He continued mindlessly fucking you through his orgasm.

You were breathless, sobbing weakly from pleasure, cumming hard as your release soaked his cock. Panting, Scaramouche kept his cock sheathed inside of you, leaning around to give you a sloppy, rough kiss. "How about I try again while you cock warm me? Your cunt is a great stress reliever."

He enjoyed the way your cunt quivered and clenched as he lowered you down into his cock.

[judyvan]

Keep It Down (The Movie Night) - Matt Sturniolo Fanfic

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

The Movie Night

Summary: You desperately want Matt, but his brothers are in the house. Will you be able to contain yourself to avoid the awkwardness?

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: This is my first fanfic. Interactions are appreciated. This story has multiple parts, this is the first one. Please don't steal my shit. Thanks!💋

To read the second part click here.

To read the last part (The Morning After) click here.

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"WHATTT WAS THAT?!?" Nick exclaims as the little boy in the center of the screen is swept away by a big monster.

      After a long day of hanging out with your boyfriend and his brothers, you're watching A Quiet Place back at their house. Matt Sturniolo, your long time boyfriend, saw the movie on Netflix and suggested that you guys watch it. His brothers, Nick and Chris, asked if they could join in.

"Okay. That's enough of this. I don't want to watch this stupid movie anymore," Chris says. "I cannot sit here and watch this movie if they aren't going to talk. It makes no sense. It's just dumb."

"Well, maybe Chris if you would just SHUT THE FUCK UP and watch the movie you would actually know what's going on!" Nick shouts back.

"No forget this. I'm just going to go to bed."

"Motherfucker you are not going to go lay down in my room without me in there," Nick says back.

"Looks like you'll be accompanying me then. Huh?"

"I guess I'll just finish the movie with you guys tomorrow, unless you plan on watching the rest of it tonight," Nick says, following Chris towards his room, looking back at you and Matt.

     Chris typically decides to sleep in his brothers' rooms. He picks a different sibling depending on his mood that day. Whenever you're over, he sleeps with Nick.

"We are going to keep watching the movie, but we will probably just go to my room," Matt starts. "I don't know if we will finish it or not though. I am kind of tired."

"Okay, you two," Nick starts with a smirk, "Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite." He waves at you and Matt, fluttering his fingers and batting his eyes in a sarcastically flirty manner.

"Goodnight you guys," Chris says, mocking Nick's movements.

     You hear the pair bickering as they walk towards Nick's room, shoving each other back and forth.

     "Do you want to go to my room to finish watching the movie or should we stay here on the couch and watch it?" Matt asks.

      You can see the drowsiness in his eyes as he looks at you. It was pretty late at night and you were starting to feel tired too.

     "Let's just go to your room and watch it so we can lay down. I'm about ready for bed too." A giggle follows your response slightly before it is taken over by a big yawn.

      When you open your eyes, you see that your yawn spread to Matt. He now has his eyes closed, his mouth opens wide, and his head tilts back as he inhales deeply. As soon as his eyes open, they make direct contact with yours. The two of you laugh softly. Matt then picks up the remote and turns off the T.V. 

      He then begins to walk towards the kitchen, carrying the snacks that the four of you were eating in hopes of having a successful movie night. Obviously, that idea ended almost as soon as it started. As Matt begins to throw away things that are not able to be kept and putting the things that can be saved back in their place, you make your way over to the fridge.

     "Do you want me to grab you something to drink?" you say, pulling out a water bottle for yourself.

     "No I'm fine. Can I just share with you?"

     "Obviously not," you say sarcastically.

     The two of you leave the kitchen. Matt leads and you follow as he turns off the remaining lights in the house that don't stay on overnight. As you guys walk towards his room, you hear a lot of noise coming from Nick's room. Matt gives you a playful look and walks towards Nick's door. Without knocking, Matt barges in while you observe from the doorway. Nick and Chris are making TikTok dance videos.

     "You two don't look like you're very ready for bed," Matt says laughing.

     "Oh, shut up Matt," Nick says walking up to him and pushing him out of the door. "You messed us up."

     "Yeah, Matt. Shouldn't you be kissing your girlfriend or something?" Chris says sticking his tongue out as Nick shuts the door.

     "Fuck you guys," Matt yells back at the closed door, laughing.

     The two of you go into Matt's room and start to get ready for bed.