#thank you so much to sensei for sharing in his book

[court-jobi]

Tagalong

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's work OR the mindblowing art of @toshiimura))

Pairing: Midoriya x reader (retired by injury pro-hero fem!reader)

Words: 2.6K

Rating: T (18+ touches later on, to be safe~)

Warnings: Interrupted first time, heavy petting, established relationship, sharing a bed, honestly just Izuku in love and fluffy times commence in a hotel room.

Summary:

Joining Midoriya Sensei on his work trip -and yes, even sharing a bed for the first time- is medicine for you. The exchange of your passions has -and continues to be- an endless source of healing as you navigate life post-hero work. Each night away, you've danced into a settled calm with him; learning the rhythm of his habits. His sounds, his silences. When Izuku meets your gaze in the mirror, you read his mind loud and clear in how he emotes: he fawns, he sighs, then nods in the dearest way.

A/N: give me my sweet, simpering Deku, or give me death. Also by the way, yall are the best readers out there, thank you so much for all the love for my lil stories!

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on AO3

Life post-hero work was an adjustment for you… but you were starting to really get into the perks.

The lack of daily physical hardship holds the top spot on your list. PT? You can handle that on a rolling basis– the worst is behind you, and due to what you put yourself through which resulted in your injury, you’re out of official hero work for the foreseeable future- and in a way, grateful for the break on your muscles. You still retain your quirk, but can enjoy its thrills on a more recreational basis– your sweet boyfriend has even helped your healing by way of gentle exercises to keep things moving properly and get life manageable for you. 

Next would be the diet. You could certainly dip back into your baking hobby guilt-free now. You couldn’t get away from the hero world entirely -nor did you want to… but being able to settle into an agency office with an hourly job was also an incredible blessing. Late nights here and there were inevitable, but on the whole, you were able to greet and end your days with a steadiness of routine and safety.

Meeting Izuku Midoriya was the icing on your early retirement cake. Where you were tenderly finding your footing off the hero charts, Izuku held your hand to keep you upright. He didn’t lead or pull back on you– just came alongside you, so you didn’t fall too hard on the knees of self-doubt. He’s always so good like that. He knows your path because he himself shares it, and what a thing of fate that is.

New to you now though, is the general scope of free time you have. Not a forced flexibility due to the demand asked of an on-call hero, but you have paid time off. You have flex hours. You can work from home, if you so choose– so when you get the call that Izuku has been asked to hold a spot at the Sports Festival as the lead commentator, you are over the moon that you can answer with a wholehearted ‘yes’ when he asks you to come with him.

As if he’d be anything short of ecstatic, you truly believe the job was made for him. He’s got books upon books of hero research written by hand, and is essentially a walking Brittanica for Japan’s up and coming heroes, because of course he watches every other school’s sports fests in his free time so that his class can be the most prepared. Taking the role Present Mic once held when he was a student is a full-circle moment, and it's pretty precious seeing him in it. 

From day one, he’s a master of his craft, and from the couch you share in the observation deck with his co-teacher, Aizawa, you’re beyond impressed. You honestly wouldn’t be able to tell what department he was aligned with; he’s observant and complimentary of every students’ moves. You asked the pro hero hero beside you if this was the case when Izuku was younger, and he merely offered a sleepy,

“Intolerably, yes.”

But you see the lift of his cheek against his eyepatch and know that he’s secretly proud. 

The Sports Festival spreads over the course of a week now, as the culture surrounding the events available for support students to engage in has increased- to Izuku’s pride and joy. The training and feats of the heroes wouldn’t be possible without the other side of the coin, so he’s just as enthusiastic to hype up the developments of those courses as well. 

Watching your sweet Izuku -catching his eye when he looks back over to you and silently ushers you over to come watch an anticipated match-up of his kids off and on- is medicine for you. This entire exchange of passions has, and continues to be, a source of joy for you and is a treasured part of doing life with him. On that note, the event being held away from your district also grants you extended time to spend together that you normally wouldn’t, given the difference in your professional lives. Here, you’re locked in to five days and four nights of perfectly synced time– something you’ve not been able to do up to this point in your relationship.

Falling asleep and waking up together? This is the best thing ever.

On the first night, it hits your adorably flustered boyfriend that you’d indeed be sharing a room- and bed. That arrangement was something you’d registered the moment he’d asked you and were assuming he’d mentally (and spiritually) prepared for; but evidently it faced him the moment he stepped up to the counter to check in that Nezu had arranged you both to be together by default in the hotel block. 

But rather than falling on the trope of taking the armchair or sleeping on the ground like a middle school nervous nelly, Izuku was shy about it at first… but eager for the chance. The secret part of him finally let out some boyish excitement to find a bed big enough for you to actually share. You’d learned here that you both can spoon like you do on the couch, but you have so much room now. On both your parts, you’re a bit giggly and stiff at first- but settle in sweetly for the most comfortable night of your life.

By the second night, you both scoot into your room and -after a day of dancing around each other at more and more events- you’d be heard from the hallway: jumping into his arms and tackling him to the bed, filled with giggles and lots of kissing until you tangle up more willingly to sleep.

Night three, you’d both stayed out longer than you intended; catching up with some of the other instructors, which turned into essentially a repeat of the night you met. You take to talking up a storm on one of the hotel patios in a nerdy exchange of info-dumping and story-swapping that continues for almost three hours. You basically collapsed into bed the instant you got back, not even brushing your teeth out of exhaustion. Then by your fourth, you both are still so tired from the late night before and you flop on the bed, still in the sun-warmed clothes you set out in that morning.

It's so nice to be held by him- and it's torture to then look back up at each other. There’s definitely a softness found in Izuku’s face -as always, when it comes to your perfectly freckled sweetheart- but also something deep and personal. You want to ask him to shower together so badly and get rid of the day together- anything to add to this closeness you’ve been tiptoe-ing through all week. Worry over pushing him when he’s essentially on the clock keeps you from asking. This time, you still go about your rituals separately, only when you get out, you stay in a towel and shorts instead of full dressing down for bed.

When you're at the in-suite mirror doing your expedited, travel-sized skincare routine and Izuku stops by after he's out of the bathroom, he hesitates mid-step from trying to duck around you– and comes close, holds you by the middle. He stands shirtless behind you for the first time, showing you the scarring he carries in its fullest- no more tanks or undershirts hiding the worst from you. 

You’re as they say in the movies- incandescently happy.

“You smell so good,” he whispers. 

“You feel so good,” you answer. “Wanna go lay down?”

When Izuku meets your gaze in the mirror, you read his mind loud and clear in how he emotes: he fawns, he sighs, then nods in the dearest way. No sense in holding this darn towel up anymore, you simply turn in his arms, drop it, and kiss his surprise away with your reach up to his neck for a kiss. Your first of many, on this last night you could be wrapped up in your incredible boyfriend's arms with nothing but tender intentions on your mind.

Neither of you see a strong need for too many clothes under the sheets for this little foray into skin-to-skin contact, and enjoy a restorative makeout session. He's marked you up a bit, too, by all the harsh kissing he tends to do towards you (you low-key love this, since ‘that’s what makeup’s for’), and you especially appreciate how he plays with you perched in this arrangement.

You’re the first girl he's ever had topless in his reach– which is obvious from how he holds you in his lap nuzzling at your chest,

"Wow, y'r the moss'beautiful woman i'vever seen~"

From your previous talks of dalliances, you proudly keen over him, "I think I'm the only naked woman you've ever seen."

"-I've seen naked women."

You glance back to him, humored but flat, "Who."

Those green doe eyes flicker back up at you, oddly innocent as he quickly names his former classmate, who you’ve commonly heard referred to as Yaomomo, 

“Creati?” he tries to jog your memory, “i-it's part of her quirk, I didn't ev’r mean to look..."

Playfully suspicious, you test him, "Never had a feel?"

"I mean,” Izuku sharpens up a little to answer clearly, “She fell on me once, over in one of the training centers- and I wasn't gonna let her hit or head on something.."

"So a 'strategic catch'. Is that what we're calling it?" You sway your chest in front of him, feeling up his own, “I’m a horribly jealous creature, as you well know.”

He sinks and nuzzles gently at your pushed up chest- by his desire for lift. You’re playing with his painfully polite nature, of course- nothing but secure of your place with him.

"Not even once. Promise." 

Izuku lays a little kiss on your freshly cleaned skin where your heart lies under the surface, and ends up moaning at how soft it is- and so, keeps peppering kisses to your delight, "Oh wow... Oh wow, you're soft."

His name leaves you in an unsteady sigh as you’ve been scratching through his hair until it starts feeling so sharp and heady that you grip onto his neck in need of more support.

He's working on some passes with his tongue around your nipple when he whisper-sighs up to you, 

"mmmm don't stop doing tha'..."

So you play with his hair at his request, and he adores every bit of you that’s in reach: chin to cheek to neck while being the most gently vocal you've ever heard him.

The minute you rolled your barely clothed hips up on his lap just once, he split his attention from holding your waist to him to smoothing over your thigh to encourage the movement.

He started a slinking lean as he did so, losing his absolute mind watching you in a daze, before something dull hit your window - followed by a kid’s call of 'Sorry!!' . You siphon all your attention at the noise in a wide-eyed look that matches his.

Sweetly enough, you noted how fast Izuku held you at the sound, like he was going into strict ‘protect’ mode at the clash of a frisbee.

But, out of danger and out of breath, Izuku simply fell back and palmed his face.

"ughhbyou feel'so good... Mdizzy."

The heat you’d felt simmering in you has died at the interruption, but your fondness sure hasn’t.

You giggled, lowering into his chest and gripping the covers over your shoulders to warm you up, "Good dizzy?"

Even with an arm over his eye, your boy chuckled brilliantly, 

"Very good dizzy, hon’. Whew. We uh– we better stop before they start bangin’ on the door next."

You carded through his hair more, self-assured he was still just as taken by you despite the hard stop. How he kept you to him while shuffling the covers over you both was proof he didn’t want you going anywhere. Once settled, he felt he could focus again and brushed your hair back for attention,

"Hi there, handsome~"

"h-hi~" Izuku echoed.

You kissed again, a good deal calmer at first, but growing like a steady fire. Lips roaming, claiming, and keeping you ever closer. Comfort and reclaimed eagerness tipped you over by his strong guiding hand, all in favor to continue to mouth along your clavicle again.

Then, at the first sound of your addictive moans, he detached- forehead to your sternum, watching the rise and fall of your sweet belly beneath him.

"Ahh..” Izuku’s little war with himself was adorable, “w-we should stop. For real. I can’t- that’d be mean."

“You said that,” you answer with mirth, “but I don’t think ‘Little Deku’ agrees~”

Izuku wheezes out your first, middle, last and retired hero title to the point of coughing before you take it easy on him. Poor, desperate thing, brought low by little tease.

You chuffed against his stroke of nerves kindly. 

"Yes we should, if you say so," You snaked a hand through his hair, "Thank the Maker we don't have to second guess the chemistry department, huh?"

Izuku laughed brightly, slotting himself atop you, between the legs so you didn't have to feel how semi-hard he was. Snuggling back down, your heartbeats held their own conversation, content to cool to a reasonable temperature and slow things down, together.

"I'm so glad you came here with me." Izuku spoke softly to your neck, "This time with you really does me so much good."

And you really have enjoyed it. Getting to see firsthand the place where much of his proving of himself started, this event forged a lot of bonds with the close friends he still has to this day. 

"I'm glad I did too," You kissed the hairline within reach and simply laid comforting scratches along his back. "It's gonna be hell to go back."

"You don't wanna go back to work?"

You threw pity into your voice, "I don't wanna give up this glorified sleepover, no."

You don’t mean just getting carried away with thin walls and thinner restraint. You mean the intimacy that getting out of town sometimes offers in a way nothing else would. The week has made you softer, more in tune to the rhythm of Izuku’s habits. His sounds, his silences. 

The dampened shyness you hold thinking about it floats across him, so he laid back onto your arm to look up at you, 

"We don't have to. We can still have them~"

"Yeah?" You wonder how, earnestly, and he smiles in kind.

"Yeah!” his answer radiates nothing but pure sunshine, “Whenever you want! I'll come over, and we'll cook, and have podcast nights and snuggle, and... and.."

He’s got a look now- one that teeters along the line of flirty and unsure.

"Snuggle?" you finish for him mercifully.

"Y-yeah."

"Vocal snuggles?"

"Stop it," Izuku hid in your shoulder, "don't make fun of me."

"I'm not making fun of you~" you turned and kissed his blushing cheeks, rubbing his shoulder slowly. "No more than I'm making fun of myself for sounding like a wonton Victorian who just caught sight of an ankle for the first time."

His laughter betrays how offended he is at the idea, "Stoooop…"

"Mmmm, I don't think I will!"

Time to take things slow.. that might top your list now. If it means more nights with your hero draped in your arms, then the promise of time spent under his attention beats out any other remedy you’ve found so far. 

[avengersassemble123]

Just Not this time..

Pairing: Ran Haitani x reader

genre: Pure angst, like literal pure sadness and angst at the end, not a good ending ig?

warning: Cursing, sex talk in between but hardly few lines. ANGST, heartbreak, tragic.

P.S: Surprisingly the longest fic i have ever written, i mean im surprised myself you know, but hope yall enjoy it!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ran can you please listen to me just this once??"

You yelled as Ran continued fiddling with things in the kitchen, ignoring you.

You were yet in another argument with Ran regarding his activities surrounding tenjiku and some 'revival of the s-62 generation'. You were obviously aware about his status in Roppongi alongside his brother and his delinquent activities, but for the past few months, he and his brother were obsessing over some 'tenjiku' and 'izana', which you had a bad feeling about, as you tried to convince your boyfriend to back out of this just this once.

You had met Ran when you were both in high school. You were a pretty decent kid with great scores and was a part of the student council, while Ran and Rindou were obviously infamous for their 'activities', hardly attending any classes.

One day, you had arrived in the school as usual, greeting your friends, when you noticed the dual colored braided man, making you realise that he did in fact exist and was your classmate. Not your fault that he hardly appeared in front of you, making you almost forget he was in fact a person. He was sat on a chair, his legs over the table, crossed, as a person in glasses, who you assumed was his brother had pulled a nearby chair and sat next to him chatting.

"Damn I forgot they even existed.." You murmured towards your friends, as they giggled, gossiping about those two, while you joined in on their bitching. Soon as the teacher arrived, you all went to your assigned seats, as you saw the glasses guy leave the room, while the braided guy lazily stood up and greeted, a blank disinterested stare present in his face. As you were preparing for a lesson, your teacher called out, "(Name), since Haitani san has attended his class after a long period of time, could you maybe share your notes to him?"

You looked up at your teacher in confusion, as your gaze flickered towards the braided boy for a second as you saw him roll his eyes, before his gaze landed on you. You awkwardly pursed your lips, as you then looked at your teacher, "Sure Sensei, i don't mind."

The day went normal as usual, before the bell rung, indicating it was time for recess, as students scrambled outside the door, you closed your book, greeting your teacher back, before remembering you had to give your notes to your classmate. As you turned around, you saw Ran removing a messily packed up lunch in a packet, his eyes droopy, as if he had just woken up from a slumber, as you walked towards him. "Here" You say, as you held out the notes in front of him. He first glanced at the notes and then at you in a displeased blank expression, before his gaze returning towards the notes and then to his food, as he lazily munched.

"No thanks. I'm good." Ran said, ignoring you, as he flopped his legs on the table as his hand held his lunch, "I ain't interested."

"You sure? Cuz Sensei asked me-" "Listen, i don't give a damn about this nor about you, so why don't you go back and leave me alone?"

Your eye twitched, as irritaion started building up inside me, as you stared at him bemused. What a jackass. "Jeez.. So much for trying to help out..." you say as you roll your eyes, turning around, as you walked towards your bench, slamming your bag upon the bench before putting your notes in, as your best friend tried to calm me down.

"The fuck does he think he is? Prime Minister of Japan?" you angrily murmured, as your friends tried to calm you down.

What you didn't realise was that your classmate had heard it, as he raised his eyebrows amused, before casually walking towards you, "Awww did i make Ms.Nerdy Pants upset?" He taunted, a mocking smile on his face, while you clenched your fist, your eyebrows raised at his audacity, "How about Mr. Hoshposh mind his own buisness since he doesnt need anybody's help and thinks he's better than everyone." you retorted, making the former chuckle.

"I don't think you know me that well miss."

"Not my fault you hardly attend classes, making me forget you actually existed."

By now, the whole class was watching, whispers and murmurs exchanged , as your friend held you back by holding your arm.

"Oh yeah? How about you ask your friends who exactly I am. Maybe you'll figure out and something will go inside that small brain of yours." Ran said, leaning towards you, slightly bending as you were way shorter than he was, your head reaching his shoulders, him towering over you.

You did know who he was. Who in their right minds would not know the delinquent kings of Roppongi. But you were raised to not take shit from anyone unnecessarily, no matter who it was. Honestly, you were kind of intimidated, due to his stature and reputation, but you did muster up courage, as you took a deep breath, calming yourself down as to not act irrationally, before speaking up.

"I do know who you are, but that doesn't mean you can talk to me like that. You need to keep your attitude in check." Everyone murmured, as some of your friends gasped, while your best friend tugged at you to stop. Ran raised his brow, as he looked at you head to toe, before his one hand rested on his hip, his smile not leaving his face, "I need to keep my attitude in check? How about you mind that attitude of yours in front of me? or do you want me to help you with that?"

"Just cuz you're some delinquent, doesn't mean you'll scare me as well. I give whatever I recieve. You talk to me nicely and i return the favor. Simple as that. Or do you want me to write this in written and give it to you in notes as well?"

At this point, your best friend was just pulling you to the other side of the earth, while you realised that you might've fucked up a bit by the sass at the end and that now the goddamn Haitanis are gonna be out for your blood. But you still stood your ground. Might as well finish it if it has been started.

Ran now looked at you, his smile not present, as he tilted his head, silently staring at you, before straightening up, as he started twirling one of his braids with one hand, while the other rested on his hip, before giving you a closed eye smile, "Guess I do have to change that attitude of yours."

Yep, you're in deep shit.

Just then, the glasses guy from earlier came in the class, before looking at the braided guy and walking towards him, his eyebrow raised in slight confusion, his face in a blank stare, as he walked towards the braided guy, "What's going on here Aniki? Who's this chick?" He asked as he looked between you both questioningly.

"Nothing Rindou." Ran said, his close eyed smile returning, as he turned around and started walking, Rindou following him casually, "Just someone who needs to know their place."

The fuck?

You were goddamn pissed but you knew if you went any further, you might as well get murdered now, since you already signed your death warrant by messing with him.

As the school got over, you were walking back home. It was an everyday routine as usual, nothing out of the ordinary, before you felt the hair on your arm stand up, goosebumps wrecking your body, as you felt like you were being followed. You slightly turned your head back to glance slightly, spotting a suspicious man walking behind you at quite a distance. You then started walking faster, trying to dial up your friend's number in your Nokia phone, but apparently luck did not like favoring you. You purposely took turns, which confirmed your suspicions as the man took the same turns as well, making you walk faster, as you mentally prepared to defend yourself, trying to figure out ways to fight back since you didn't have anything on you except for your schoolbag.

After a while you realised that there was no one around you, making you panic as you turned around only to find the man closing up on you, suddenly starting to run, making you run as well, as you cursed.

You ran, trying to outrun him, but he unfortunately was faster, as he caught up with you before pulling you by your hand and covering your mouth. He seemed to be around 20s, wearing a discrete hoodie, as he tried making you still, while you violently tried breaking free from him. You kicked him hard in the nuts, making his grip falter from you, as you broke free and punched his face before making a run for it. As you ran, you realised he was chasing you.

You were running among the streets before hearing some noises, enlightening some glimmer of hope within you, as you desperately tried running towards the source. Soon you spotted an old small rundown shop alongside a few figures standing beside it, making you run towards them for help. As you inched closer, the more your heart fell out of your ass, as you realised that it was none other than the Haitani brothers standing there and hanging out, as Ran was sitting sideways on his bike, facing Rindou who was sat straight on another bike, but his whole body leaning against it.

You were stuck in both the cases, but you'd rather face them than being stuck with that creep, as you ran towards them.

Ran noticed some hurried footsteps approaching them, as he looked towards the source, his impassive expression covered in confusion as he realised it was you, the chick earlier from the day, trying to test him. Rindou looked towards where Ran was looking, mirroring Ran's expression.

As you neared towards them, you slid an arm under Ran's, as you smiled widely as fake as possible, "OH MY GOD BABE HELP ME!"

Both the brothers raised their eyebrows questioningly. Ran for a second thought if you were one of those girls who crave for his attention, when he noticed you gesturing him with your eyes with the most widest, most fake grin he had seen in a while, towards a man standing just few inches from them, still in fear.

"Babe, this man has been chasing me. He just wouldn't stop following me." You said, holding his arm tightly, gesturing him to please, for the love of god, go along with your facade, Ran figured out in few seconds what was going on as soon as he laid his eyes on the man, but he looked at you amusingly, as you widened your eyes, pleading him to just go along with it, making him smirk at you.

On seeing his smirk, you had thought that now you're just fucked and that he's gonna hand you over to that creep in a silver platter, before being surprised, as you saw Ran's smirk drop into a cold frown as his gaze turned from you towards the man.

The man who was quivering in fear, had now fallen to his knees as begged for mercy, while you stood there shocked at the behaviour.

"The fuck am i hearing? You chasing my girlfriend?" Ran said coldly, making shivers pass down your spine as well, as you realised why he was the king of Roppongi, and one of the notorious delinquents in Tokyo.

"IM SORRY BOSS I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!" The man yelled, whimpering, as your mouth went agape at his pathetic state.

"Can you believe this man's audacity to go after my girlfriend of all the things? Mine?"

"He's got some nerve Aniki. He should be taught a lesson." Rindou joined in, as he straightened up, still sitting on his bike as he now turned and watched the scene in amusement.

"Hey Baby." Ran said, facing towards you, catching you off guard, as you looked at him confused, "Ye-yea?" You felt his arms snake around you, making you give him a strained smile. This asshole. But you went along with it.

"How do you wanna punish him? Do you want me to make it quick or slow and torturous? Your wish is my command."

Your eyes widened at his question as you glanced between the men, but again creeps like this should be beaten to hell. "Anyhow you wanna make it babe, just make sure to give him hell."

Ran smirked, before removing his hold from you and walking towards him, removing something from his pocket, before extending it. You looked confused before realising it was a whole ass baton.

Ran started beating the shit out of the creep, as you stood by the side, watching in horror, while Rindou chuckled, amused at the scene. You did feel immense satisfaction at watching the creep getting beaten up, but even you had limits, as you at times shielded your eyes. After a whole session of getting beaten up, Ran asked the creep to fuck off, making him scramble away in terror.

Ran casually walked towards you, as he wiped the blood off his baton with a part of his shirt, while you stood mouth agape, before realising you were alone with them, making you stand further from them.

"Uhh thanks for the help. Appreciate it a lot honestly but i gotta go now."

"Aww doll, are you gonna run away from me, your boyfriend?"

I gritted my teeth, as i gave him a taunting smile, to which he returned the same, "That's enough. I appreciate your help very much, but can we not discuss this further."

"Aww but babe we just met after a long day, and you're one feisty one you know, seeing that you hit the man straight in the part where the sun doesn't shine."

My eyes widened as Ran smirked, "What? Didn't think I'd notice that man limping when you came right in my arms?"

"But again I do have a thing for feisty ones you know?" Ran said, making you have a look of disgust, before walking away blankly.

The next day, when you came to school, you were surprised to see Ran in your class, as he noticed you walking in, making him give you a closed eye smile, as he waved at you, "Awww here you are (NAME), nice to see you today."

You looked at him confused and irritated, as your friends gave you questioning glances.

Soon, almost everyday, you were pestered by the older Haitani in the school, whether its in the recess, or asking for some notes, or poking you with his pencil or throwing balls of paper at you in the middle of the class, making you lecture him outside after school. It soon led to him starting to pester you while walking home as well, as you tried to tell him to buzz of or to leave you alone, but failing miserably.

After school, you were sitting in your classroom, doing your work, when you noticed someone open the door of the classroom and walk next to you, making you glance at the individual, before rolling your eyes. You just weren't in the mood.You kept silent as you continued doing your work, as Ran casually slid a chair next to you and flopped his legs on a bench, gazing at you with a bored look.

"You're not your usual self today." Ran stated, making you scoff, "And how is that supposed to bother you?" You retorted.

"Its not fun as it usually is, since the fodder is not acting as its supposed to."

"Listen I'm literally not in the mood for our pestering, so take this somewhere else, and leave me alone."

There were some moments of silence, as you started thinking that had you managed to officially piss him off, before you heard him speak, "You're being too harsh on yourself. You're overworking. You're feeling as if you're not doing enough."

Your eyes widened, before slamming your hands against the desk, "Oh now you wanna sit here and judge me?" you asked furiously, as Ran's bored expression didn't falter, "Of course I'm judging you. You're acting stupid."

You felt rage building inside you hearing his words.

"Oh yea? Then why don't you tell me what's not stupid."

"By taking care of yourself."

You were taken aback as you heard his words, while he gazed upon you with a neutral expression.

"You feel you're not good enough, you want to prove to others that you're good enough, you're working yourself, but in reality you're just destroying yourself. Tell me, is this what you like to do? Is this what you really want to do in life?"

You stayed silent for a few seconds, both of you basking in silence for few minutes. You stared at your notes blankly before you saw some wet droplets on the book. You were crying. Your tears fell through your eyes, as you silently cried, your shoulders slightly shaking, as Ran gazed at you. You realised he did say the truth. You were scared that your vulnerable side was being exposed to him of all people. But you were glad that he understood you and gave you the space you required in the form of silence. That evening, you two walked home, as you awkwardly fidgeted beside him.

"Sorry.." I muttered, making his attention being caught.

"Dont worry about it."

Since that day, you started accepting him, your trust enfolding in him, as you both started hanging out together more often. You started sharing your snacks to him giving you rides back home on his motorcycle. More and more, you two got closer, as you slowly started seeing each other's real sides. Soon you started hanging out with him after school, alongside realising what actually his reputation is. Despite being a delinquent, your respect for him grew as you got to know the more vulnerable side of him, his time raising up Rindou all on his own, when the kids of his age were supposed to play in parks. You were also officially introduced to Rindou as well, surprisingly getting along, making a part of Ran pleased that you were on good terms with his brother.

After months, with no surprise, you two caught feelings for each other, as Ran was the first one to take the step, leading to you following him. The news of you two dating, had spread like wildfire much to your dismay, as it was like a roller coaster of chaos and frenzy, much to Ran's amusement. You would scold him for PDA, while Ran would pester you, sometimes making Rindou mimic gagging voices, leading to you to diffuse the fight between the brothers.

Even though Ran was among the most infamous delinquents, you did have him in your hold. One moment he would be the intimidating Roppongi king, while the next moment he would look like a kicked puppy when you scold him for eating too much sweets.

Soon enough, you were the first one to blurt out the first 'i love you' which made you cover your mouth, as you were patching up Ran's wounds, while he looked at you wide eyed like a deer in headlights, before you felt him wrap his arms around you and whisper the same three words repeatedly in your ear.

You were so happy. In fact the happiest.

Then what went wrong....

"Ran I've never meddled in those delinquent activities of yours. Heck even when you were in jail, i would still visit you and Rindou. But please can you just listen to me?? just this once?? Please don't get involved with this 'tenjiku'"

"(NAME) these are my friends, and we have got this covered. I don't get what you are so frustrated about. You're starting to irritate me."

"I'M IRRITATING YOU??? CAN YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE GODDAMN TIME??"

"Baby listen to me, You're just overreacting."

"How am i overreacting Ran?? You're planning to fight one of the biggest gangs in Tokyo"

"And we are the S-62 generation. We are much better and experienced than them. I know how to deal with those Toman people."

"Its not about you dealing or having the strength to fight them Ran. I can't see you in jail or something like before. I can't handle it-"

"THEN YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE BEING WITH ME THEN." Ran exclaimed, his tone getting louder.

You stood there mouth agape, as your boyfriend had turned around, an irritated look on his face.

You stuttered, "HO-HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT??" DON'T YOU SEE THAT I'M JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU?? ARE YOU THIS STUPID TO UNDERSTAND AND LET YOUR EGO IN THE WAY??"

"AND HOW MANY TIMES AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT I CAN HANDLE IT?? OR IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? STOP MEDDLING IN MY BUSINESS."

"RAN I CAN'T WATCH YOU GET INTO SHIT AGAIN. I CAN'T. I'M BEGGING YOU TO BACK OUT OF THIS JUST THIS ONCE. I JUST DON'T THINK ITS GONNA END WELL"

"(NAME) ITS ALREADY DECIDED. I WONT DO IT. DON'T YOU GET IT?? THIS IS MY GOAL. TO RESTORE THE ERA OF S-62. TO BRING BACK THE OLD GLORY. TO BECOME THE LARGEST CRIMINAL GROUP JAPAN HAS EVER SEEN! I CANNOT AND WILL NOT BETRAY MY FRIENDS!!"

You stood there as tears had welled up in your eyes, as Ran had yelled at you as red was filled in his eyes.

You stood silent for a few moments before meekly speaking up, "So does that mean you'd betray me?..."

Ran looked down, his jaw clenched, before turning, raising his head up, the cold impassive expression painted on his face which he always puts on in front of his gang members, "If it means reaching the goal I've always yearned of....then yes..."

You both stood in silence staring at each other, before you scoffed, breaking your gaze and looking towards the ground, "I can't." You murmured, "I can't. I just can't. I can't let myself be hurt anymore. I can't make myself suffer through this anymore. I'm tired of being hurt. I just can't do it anymore."

"Then maybe you should leave."

You noticed your tears falling on the carpet of the apartment, as you were scared to look at the man in front of you, but your gaze flickered nonetheless, only to find his hands on the table, but the serious cold expression on his face.

You looked up the ceiling, trying to control your tears before storming inside your shared bedroom and packing your things, sniffles escaping you, as you felt the coldness of the room hit you. You felt your heart shattering into pieces, but you couldn't let yourself go through the hurt again. You really did try to keep up with him. You really did. But you just can't. You were too tired. You were tired of being helpless and hurt. He couldn't understand your point. He couldn't understand you like before. He was too obsessed with it. Its too much. He was moving much further into the dark side. You did try holding out your hand towards him, but he kept swatting it away. You cannot let yourself fall in the darkness, this black pit as well.

You finished packing your bag, as you headed out, as you saw your 'ex' boyfriend stand with his back turned to you, his hands crossed, leaning against the kitchen table. He made no attempt to stop you.

That hurt.

As you reached to the door knob, you halted, not turning back, as you closed your eyes, "I really hope you know i was just trying to help. Please Ran...please..."

You stood in a quiet silence before you heard him speak,

"Goodbye (NAME)."

You took a painful deep breath, as slight whimpers left you, "Then do me one last favor before its a goodbye."

Ran stayed quiet,as you continued,

"Don't you ever come in front of me again...I cannot see what you will become after this...It'll just hurt me more. I can't see you like that.. I love you too much for that."

You didn't wait for his response before you left the apartment, slamming the door on the way out. As you walked down the stairs and onto the streets, you could feel the cold winds blow against your face, before you felt your soul shatter as you broke down in the middle of the street, thankfully no one there to see you in such state, as you sobbed. You sobbed till there were no tears as you felt yourself break at every tear that spilt on the ground. After a while, there were no tears to spill, as you felt yourself going numb, before standing up, your tear stained face mirroring a blank expression, as you aimlessly walked down the street before reaching to your own apartment.

As you slammed the door on the way out, Ran internally winced at the impact. He stood still before taking a painful deep breath as he ran his hands through his face, before feeling wet pool up in his eyes, as he painfully exhaled, a feeling he had last experienced when he was a young kid, and experiencing it after a long time at 19. It had been years since he felt such despair or pain, as he felt his heart heavy, hurting deeply, but he still maintained his composure, burying his face against his hands, leaning against the table. He realised he had lost you. He realised it as soon as you both started arguing. He was clever and mature in that way. He stayed like this for some time, trying to gain his composure, before straightening himself up and continuing his work. He had a goal to fulfill. He had chosen this path, of regaining Tenjiku's glory back, of conquering Japan along with his friends, and to make Tenjiku the biggest criminal syndicate Japan has ever seen. He had his life purpose to fulfill. He wasn't going to let anyone get in his way.

Years passed.

Ran was leaning against his car, as his left hand smoked a cigarette, wrapped around the neck of some chick who was entertaining him for the night, while his right hand held his phone to his right ear, listening to his brother talking about the next debriefing and base plans. He hummed in acknowledgement as he played with the girl's hair in the meantime who was giggling like a schoolgirl next to him.

He had changed in almost every way. He became more fashionable. He started wearing suits more often, rings adorning his fingers. He had changed his long hair from blonde and black to short purple and black fodder haircut, his short strands of hair falling on his face, while a black and white tattoo adorned on his neck, near his adam's apple.

It had been years since Tenjiku had lost against Toman, losing Izana and later on Mucho in the process. But then the Kanto Manji gang was formed, its leader being Manjiro Sano, the former leader of Toman, while him and his brother, along with some of his friends and acquaintances being the executives. Soon led the formation of Bonten, the largest and most dangerous criminal syndicate in the whole of Japan, which he was now an honorary top executive of. Since he was part of yakuza, obviously he gained more build and stature, along with rich money, skills and access to weapons and being part of dealings. He was known for his charisma, ensuring to seal in the deals with no hitch. He would often have one night stands with many girls, and owned numerous clubs in Japan, Roppongi being his main center.

As him and this chick walked down the streets, heading towards some hotel room for the night, before he realised he had forgot protection back at his mansion, making him internally curse, as he asked the chick if she was on birth control, to which she replied with a negative, making him curse out more internally before heading to a nearby store. As he had gotten hold of some of some condoms, and went to pay the cashier, he saw someone stand beside them, checking out at the same time. His gaze traveled only to fall on the person next to him, making him stand still in surprise.

After the breakup, you were in pieces for a while before you managed to gain yourself up and move forward. You continued your studies and worked your ass off for your dream job for years before finally succeeding, leading you to become successful in life, as you were happy with your dream job. Through your job, you even managed to find a man who took care of you, as you both found happiness in each other, before he got on his knees and proposed to you, making you his happy fiancee. You were truly happy in your life. You could get whatever you wanted. You had really thought you had forgotten about him. But turns out you were wrong.

As you had your credit card held out for checking out, you noticed another person coincidentally checking out at the same time, him holding out his card as well. As your gaze flickered to him, your calm smile turned into a shocked expression, as your blood ran cold, looking at him.

"Oh.."

"...Hey (NAME)..."

The girl in his arms looked at both of you confused, "Baby do you know her?"

You awkwardly smiled at them as you noticed how the girl was held by him in his arms.

"Yea..just..we used to know each other before.." Ran said, his gazxe not leaving you, while yours shifted from your groceries to him and the girl, "Hey Ran...Its been a while..You've changed.. a whole lot.." You chuckled, making him nod his head slightly as well, few chuckles leaving from his mouth as well. "Well its nice see you as well...after a...long time.." You both stared at each other for a few seconds before you shook your head, getting yourself out of the trance, "Oh lemme just check out."

You both acknowledged each other awkwardly as you pursed your lips, as Ran let you check out first, to which you thanked him meekly, before heading out. Ran quickly checked out before leaving the girl and chasing after you, "(NAME) WAIT."

You stopped midway as you turned around to find him catching upto you, "Hey uhh, since its been a while, maybe we could hang out for some time."

Your mouth formed out an 'o' as you looked at the groceries, "Oh uhh actually i gotta get going home..and i dont wanna intrude between you and your girlfriend."

"Oh she's not my girlfriend.."

"Oh.."

You pursed your lips as mixed feelings coursed through you, "I dont know Ran.."

"Just once..thats all. A plain hangout."

You pursed your lips, before taking a deep breath, "...fine...just once, a plain hangout."

"Good." Ran said, as he shared the details of the cafe and the meeting time around evening.

You bid goodbye, as you continued to walk, while Ran stood still, watching you walk away, old memories flashing in both of yours minds.

That night, as the meeting for a drug dealing got over, Ran stood at a balcony in the Bonten headquarters, smoking a cigarette, overlooking the view of Tokyo, as he leaned against a railing, thinking about your encounter. He heard a pair of footsteps walk towards him, before standing beside.

"I know that face...I haven't seen that in a while. Whats wrong? Is it something with the meeting?"

Rindou leaned against the railing, his back towards it, as he took a cig from Ran's stash which was held out towards him by the former, before removing a lighter from his pocket and lighting up, taking a whiff off it, before puffing out the smoke.

"Nah, the deal's fine. Nothing wrong with it." Ran shrugged.

"Just spit it out already. Seeing you nervous of all the people here, makes me nervous as well."

Ran took a big whiff from his half burnt cigarette, puffing out the smoke, "I saw her."

Rindou raised his brow in questioning, "Saw who? Some chick you slept with last week?"

"Of course not, why'd i give a shit about her?" Ran grunted, "It was (NAME)"

Rindou eyes slightly widened, as he looked back towards the meeting hall, while Ran kept looking at the skyline, "See her as in?.."

"Met her in a mart while I was buying condoms with the chick i was planning to stick with today, Saw her at the checkout, had a awkward convo, then invited her for a meetup tomorrow."

"Damn." Rindou whistled, "I'm surprised she agreed to it given what happened." Rindou retorted, making Ran roll his eyes, "What even are you planning to talk with her tomorrow? How you sometimes asks for tabs on her just to check up how she is behind her back, or that you haven't moved on from her after all these years and sleep with multiple women just because you imagine them as her in your bed?"

Ran looked at Rindou incredulously, making Rindou roll his eyes, "I heard you once sleeping with a random chick, just to call her (NAME) while you were in the middle of it." Rindou had a disgusted expression, making Ran snort, not denying or hiding the fact, "I don't remember you being around."

"Of course you didn't. You forgot to read my text saying i was coming over for some work. Honestly i don't wanna replay that in my head again."

The men stood in silence, puffing out whiffs of white smoke from their mouth, before Ran broke the silence, "I do miss her Rindou. I really do. She was the only one asides from you who gave two shits about me."

Rindou took a deep breath, "Did you know she was the only lady till date that i tolerated, let alone respected among whom you have dated or slept with."

"Yeah I know."

"You had to make a decision Aniki, and you did. It couldn't be helped. Someone like her doesn't belong here."

"Why do you think I kept away from her?" Ran retorted, before taking a deep breath, "If you were in my position what would you have done?"

Rindou raised his eyebrows at his older brother, as he snorted, "Wow its just weird just hearing you sound so sentimental and asking stuff like this, when its always the other way around? You sure didn't snort something on the way here?"

Ran rolled his eyes, before Rindou spoke up, "If i loved someone, I would personally never let them in my life. Our worlds are different, we live in a far dangerous one. She's not meant for this. Although it would hurt from afar, as she has moved on with someone, but I would be glad she's living in a life which makes her genuinely happy, where she would smile often. Although she is far, I would always love her from the bottom of my heart."

The brothers now facing the city skyline, stood in silence, as cold wind touched their faces, engulfing the silence between them, white faint smokes released from their air."

The next day as you arrived at the venue, you parked your car just at a distance, as you leaned against your seat, taking a deep breath. Its been many years since the last you saw him, 12 years maybe? You thought you were over him, but your old memories flooded back, the good as well as the bad. You had grown matured and smarter. But you also remembered the pain you felt as your heart had been broken by him. Call it teen romance, but you both knew what you two had for each other was far more than that.

You shook your head, before unbuckling your seat belt before heading towards the designated cafe. As you walked in, your eyes roamed around the place before it landed on a the purple haired man, as he waved at you to come over.

As you both sat down, you ordered your food before turning to each other, "Woww its been a while huh?.." Ran started, as you nodded in agreement, "Yea it has.."

"How have you been doing?"

"I'm doing well...How about you?"

Soon the conversation started as you two caught up with each other, sharing some laughs with each other. You two had realised how much you had changed since the last time you saw each other.

Ran eyed your wedding band on your left hand, "So..I see you have a partner."

You looked down to your left hand, "Oh yea, Got engaged just a few months prior and are now settling for the wedding dresses, venues stuff, you know.." You said, as Ran nodded, pursing his lips, pain filling in his heart, as he forced a smile on his face, "I'm glad to hear. You must be very happy now.."

"I am.." You said, as you stared at him, nodding your head slightly. You both observed how mature your faces had become, before you spoke up, "So what are you doing now anyways?"

"Oh you know, business deals, stuff.." Ran shrugged, as you eyed at him. You had of course noticed the tattoo on his neck, which belonged to one of the biggest, worst criminal organizations, Bonten.

"I see."

Ran did notice your gaze flickering to his tattoo, as he knew you had figured out what he was talking about. He always liked that smartness of yours.

You both stayed in silence for a few minutes,

"I'm sorry."

You looked at him surprised and confused, "Hm?"

"I'm sorry for what happened."

You chuckled bitterly as you looked out the window, "Its fine..it doesn't matter anymore. It was all in the past. You made your decision and i made mine."

You did feel your throat burn a those words, but you knew it was the truth.

Ran looked at you, wincing internally at your tone change. You two split the check before heading out together, as you walked out of the restaurant. It was around 8, and Ran was walking you towards your car, when he stopped, "(NAME).."

You turned towards him, as you saw him with an expression you hadn't seen on him before, at least not for a long time, as your heart started pounding due to the nervousness, "I know we have our two different separate paths-"

Oh god you knew this was going to happen. You took a deep breath, as you closed your eyes, denying his words.

"But i really did miss you."

"No Ran,-" You tried stopping him,

"I know I know (NAME) just listen to me."

"No Ran you can't pull shit like this, I knew this was going to happen-"

"(NAME) Please just listen to me-"

"What is there to listen Ran?" You raised your voice slightly, trying to see if anyone was around, not that you cared, although to your luck there was no one.

'You can't just spring this upon me. Not after so many years after that bullshit."

"(NAME) please just listen to me. I'm not asking you to take me back." Ran said, as he held onto your shoulders, trying to explain. "We both know that you wont take me back, and honestly I can't even let you. I care too much about you. I love you too much for that."

You shook your head, as tears were filling your eyes, as rage started filling your body as you tried to break free from his grasp, but he held tighter.

"But I just want one thing. Just one thing. Let me tell you the truth. That's it. Nothing else."

You stood, as you closed your eyes, not able to look at him, as he continued, "I don't regret anything that i did in my life. It was what i believed was right. But the only regret which i have...you.."

His grasp grip softened, as you broke free from his grasp and stood at a distance from him, "My only regret is meeting you, because if I had not met you, then I wouldn't have made both of us suffer. You wouldn't even have to worry about me, I wouldn't have had to care for you,....and I wouldn't have let you go through the pain that i put you..."

You looked up to the sky as you held back your tears. "I will always remembered the day we first met in class, you back answering me, leading to us to argue in the middle of the class." Ran clenched his fist as the memories flashed in his mind. "Me pestering you, while you swatting me away as if I was a damn parasite and a menace." Ran chuckled bitterly as you still didnt meet his gaze, this time your lips slightly quivering.

"I remember us hanging out around that old yakisoba place, you scolding me for eating too many sweets or oversleeping, me playing with your hair while teasing you with PDA,...our first 'I love you's.."

You turned your face away from him.

"I loved the way you would hold onto me as we rode on my bike, purposely speeding it just so you could grab onto me tighter, your voice just saying my name, your smile and laughter which immediately brightened me up. I loved how you not only accepted me, but my brother as well. You accepted me, you loved me just for who I am."

You covered your face, as you tried to hold in your feelings, "Ran no, don't do this, stop..."

Ran held a sad smile as he looked towards the ground, "I did try keeping my end of the promise you know."

You didn't make any action, but you were silent, making him continue, "I really did try keeping myself away from you. But I couldn't help it."

You slightly tilted your head towards his, not fully facing him.

"I was so proud of you when you graduated from your university."

You head snapped towards his direction, as he looked up at you, a sad but a pained expression on his face.

Rain started to pour, as the droplets could be felt on your heads.

"Wh-what?" You asked, confused.

"Even though you could not see me, I couldn't miss seeing you, even if I had to take the last row seat, just to see you."

You felt your heart shatter, as you were realising the more. He was there.

"When Rindou told me about your fiancee, not going to lie, it hurt like a bitch. But seeing you smile was the only thing that I wanted from you."

You covered your mouth, your legs feeling weak.

"God you looked so beautiful when you were trying on the wedding dresses. You looked like the queen of my dreams. Made me wish it was me beside your side."

You fell on the floor on your knees, as heavy sobs wrecked you, as tears streamed down your eyes and onto the floor, mixing the rain that was splattering onto the floor, and was streaming down your faces and bodies. He was there the whole time...He was there...just to see you...Away from you...But you didn't know...

You could feel your whole world collapse as you sobbed and cried, ironically remembering the time when Ran saw you crying for the first time, but this time he was the reason for it. You wanted to deny, wanted to call him a liar, a pathetic asshole who had the audacity to sump something like this on you, when you were happy and living normally. He was there the whole time...but he didn't come to you. He was so close, but yet so far.

"I hate you..." You whimpered as you sobbed.

"I fucking hate you..Why would you do this to me?? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING TELL ME THIS NOW??!! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?? WHY WOULD YOU PUSH ME AWAY LIKE RAG DOLL??" you wailed, as you sat on your knees, your tears not stopping, as you let your emotions out.

You felt a pair of hands wrap you, as you felt a hard warmth against you, despite the coldness of the rain. Ran reached out towards you, getting on his knees, hugging you closely, as he missed the warmth of your body against his. No matter how many women he had slept with or dates, no one could replicate the warmth you made him feel from the inside as well as the outside. Even if he would be sleeping with someone, the only woman he would end up thinking of, was you, no matter how much he tried to push you back.

"YOU CHOSE THIS RAN!! YOU CHOSE YOUR FUCKING CRIMES AND DELINQUENCY OVER ME!! YOU FUCKING TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME WHEN I ASKED YOU FOR ONE THING! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME NOW?? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME GO THROUGH THE PAIN AGAIN?? I HATE YOUU!! I HATE YOU RAN HAITANI!! I HATE YOU FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS, YET STILL MAKING ME NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU. I HATE YOU FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE YET STILL MAKING ME LOVE YOU!!"

Ran patiently hugged you in his arms, despite you hitting his chest with your, as he caressed your head by his one arm while his other arm tightly wrapped around you, as you both were still on your knees, you weeping your soul out, as he took all your punches and insults with a pained smile.

As you slightly calmed down, breathing heavily accompanied by hiccups and sniffles and your nose becoming red, Ran did not leave his grasp from you, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not running after you. For not chasing you as i should've done the moment you stepped out the door. For not giving you the stuff and love you deserved. For making you go through hell. You maybe the thing i regret...but you're also the greatest thing that could've happened to me."

Your tears flowed as you gripped onto his shirt, him not caring you messed up his well ironed shirt, as tears stained the fabric, while he continued to speak, "I do not regret falling in love with you. I do not regret keeping a part of you buried in my heart. I do not regret seeing the smile on your face even if it means i have to keep myself from just hugging you and kissing you right then and there. But you don't deserve to be in my world. You're too precious to me. I love you.."

You whimpered as you heard the last three words, as Ran held a pained smile, exhaling harshly, "I love you more than the stars and moon, enough to make me fall on my knees, enough to burn the whole world just for your sake, enough for you to be happy without me. You don't have to say it back. I know you won't. You have your own life and own world to live in.

You gripped onto his shirt tighter as he hugged you more closely, "I hope the man who you are with, whose place i wished I had taken with you, makes you happy, more happy than I could've ever kept you. Gives you the happiness you deserve more than anything in the entire world. I love you (NAME). I would always love you."

You sat in the rain as he held you in his arms, as you weeped your heart out, while pained exhales came out from him, as he didn't stop hugging and caressing you. You two sat like this for an hour as you calmed down alongside the rain.

The rain droplets ceased to exist as you two sat in the middle of the street, sitting across each other, your legs and arms folded.

After a while after the rain stopped, you sat in silence before getting up slowly, "I gotta go."

Ran nodded as he got up with you as well, as you turned around and walked towards your car at a distance. Ran didn't utter a word, as he saw you leaving without any acknowledgement, He was just relieved he could finally confess his long felt feelings, as he had mentally prepared for this.

As you opened your car door, you stood still for a few seconds, before turning to face him slightly, "I hope somewhere in this universe...there's a life where we could be for each other, love each other just the way we would, a life where we would choose each other, but its not this one...Not this lifetime..."

Ran stood still as he watched you utter those words, as he smiled slightly, "Then i would choose you in every single one of them.."

You gave him a pained but genuine smile for the first time, before you stepped in your car, as Ran watched you drive away, as this was the last time he would ever see you again. Ran smiled, as this time he was the one looking up the sky, holding back his tears.

--------

Please do like, comment and reblog!!

Not gonna lie it motivates me hehe

But hope yall enjoyed it!

Requests are open!

[lxmelle]

Gojo’s letters & the implied parting message (Part 2)

I came across a view on Twitter (now X) that was interesting that I probably would have never thought of myself. While I may not agree with it 100% on its own, I can totally see the value in it and I wanted to share it here, seeing as how others may appreciate the perspective too. I’ve added my own thoughts which you’re welcome to read… Then you can make up your own mind about your personal interpretation 😊

So the sentiment is as follows:

At the end of HI, past-Gojo casually went up to Megumi to tell him that he killed his father, showing us that he is a little tactless. But, upon being told what Megumi wanted, he respected that Megumi didn’t want to know and accepted this for 10 years.

Despite that; however, we can infer from things we have been shown that he has always wanted Megumi to know. He was probably waiting for a good time. (As we know, Gojo doesn’t really impose his view onto others.)

Knowing there had to be a time where this message was delivered, he prepped the letter that would only be delivered if he (Gojo) died.

And what better timing & purpose, if it could help Megumi absolve any guilt he might have over (his body) killing Gojo? (Because him being dead meant Megumi likely killed him, thanks to Sukuna.)

According to the person whose Twt I read, they felt that Megumi’s laughing reaction was due to Gojo’s uncharacteristic consideration for him.

In other words, he was relaying it after he died to Megumi as a way to say: You got this cuz I’m dead. “And if you think your father is out there somewhere, he isn’t. It was me who killed him. Soz!” So don’t feel guilty.

Hm. Well, this was kind of echoed in at least another tweet and there were a few who made it out as if this was a fitting interpretation.

I also gathered from my last post on this subject, that Megumi was chuckling out of fondness, like “Geez, that’s so typical of you, sensei.”

But I do personally think it’s important to underline the fact that Gojo has always put in the effort to understand people even if he struggled to show it, or showed it clumsily. (Just like, “have you had too much somen?” - as said to Geto, back in the day.) So maybe it seemed uncharacteristic to Megumi, but I hope as a reader, we understand that Gojo had his own ways of being kind.

After all who can blame him if he didn’t quite fully understand what it meant to have blood family, being separated from his own? Born as an anomaly - a mutant amongst mutants. Who felt like others (flowers) couldn’t never comprehend a creature — and who could, unless they were bestowed with some monstrous skill themselves? (Like Geto, and Gojo had hoped, Sukuna... but the latter clung onto his stubborn self-protective belief of not needing “love” (compassion) until the very end, choosing to die instead of taking Yuji’s hand - another post on this another time).

And Gojo, after having been told last words from Toji and Geto about the importance of family, he may have gathered that it was better for Nobara and Megumi to know, than to have it concealed from them. Hence, the letters.

Know your family. Then decide who your family really is.

My own thoughts about the theory are as such: Gojo may have really wanted to tell Megumi that it was he who killed his father, because this was the only person he killed without a reason. (…that we know of: Gojo was canonically shown to have only killed two humans - Toji & Geto).

After Geto left, the parting message was: “don’t kill anyone other than me” - in other words, don’t do what I did, because that will make you lonely. If you need to kill, kill if there is a clear purpose or meaning in it.

This was his last lesson delivered to Gojo. We know his parting phrase was imbued with meaning due to everything we saw in HI and the draft words that Gege released from chapter (78) - important enough to make it to the exhibition and Gojo’s JUMP GIGA Character Book.

Geto played a significant role in him smartening up, how to connect with others, how to empathise with people, to think about what his responsibilities were as someone with strength.

So Gojo telling Megumi this was almost as if to say: you can stop wondering about him now; you weren’t left behind. I killed your father. You don’t have to feel responsible for it because there was meaning in it too.

In words Gojo might use: I killed him, you killed me. We’re even!

I guess it’s not only because Megumi couldn’t help it being Sukuna’s vessel. But also that he avenged his father’s death. All of Megumi’s thoughts relating to his father and Tsumiki as above: Retribution, karma, discipline… fairness and Megumi deserved happiness too.

And he chose to live again, starting by living for Yuji. A new purpose… he didn’t want Yuji to be lonely.

A loneliness I think he knew all too well.

He can add on more family after that. Nobara. Etc.

That’s it I guess. Thoughts?

[majeoeje]

Start over

Megumi x reader (male implied reader)

I wished we were two other people more times than everytime you had forgotten about me

"You have really pretty lashes"

Megumi has heard you uttered these words countless of times before, at first he didn't harbor a lot of opinion on this, but now it serves as a painful reminder that he had to start over with you once again. But even now he can't comprehend how to respond other than a simple thank you

"You're Fushiguro right?"

"That's correct"

here we go again, he thought

"It's nice to meet you, i hope we can get along" you gave a lazy smile before entering your shared dorm room, all beat up from your previous fight as if it was just another day.. well you pretend that it was everytime because what else can you do? You once had told him

"Yeah...it's nice to meet you too" he told you. As if he was in a same play for who knows how many times

Megumi had lost count on how many times you had introduced yourself to him, he knew everything about you. Yet you're here asking about his name once again. Your cursed technique is the one to blame for this strange dynamic

That being said, your curse technique transfers memories into curse energy and a technique which grant their wielder the power to imbue a weapon of their choice with curse energy and a guarantee that it would cut anything as if it wasn't there

A cheap cost to pay for power, some would say. But he always watches the fear in your eyes everytime it has to come down to it, afraid you might use it too much to the point you'll forget how to breath.

Afraid...yes you were always afraid. Afraid that your life would succumb to nothing but blank pages of nothing. To the point you'd write every last detail of your day until late at night so that at least your days could amount to something. Even if it were as simple as you went outside and train like how you usually do.

"I'm kind of hungry, you got anything to eat?" You said perking up your head from the non-fiction book you curiously skimmed up from Megumi's bookshelve trying to gather information from the stranger in front of you

"Gojo-sensei dropped some apples earlier, suit yourself" he said pointing to a basket from the corner of his desk remembering how the unusual white haired man hasn't change over the years

"Well don't mind me" you say, picking one up before looking for a something on your side of the room

You didn't have to go through a lot before Megumi tapped you on the shoulder making you face him

"Looking for this?" He pointed to a small knife on his hand

"Oh thanks a lo-"

you didn't even finished your sentence before he took the apple from your hand

"Your hand's fractured, Miss shoko said you shouldn't try to move it a lot in the mean time"

He said, pulling a nearby chair before he started to peel the apple for you. Just how you liked it.. a prefrence that has never changed no matter how many times you've erased your memories

"Aye you did it in one peel, impressive" you commented "How'd you know that i like my apples peeled?"

"You made me do it for you for months when you broke 7 bones on your body" he said handing you the peeled fresh fruit

"Eh, really? Tell me about it" you rested your hand on your desk as you sat comfortably on your chair as if you were getting ready to catch up to an old friend after not meeting them for years. And despite how bad he think his storytelling abilities was, Megumi couldn't disappoint that glimmer in your eyes, never.

"That day you saved me from a first grade curse" he started, as you bit into your freshly peeled apple

"you used up your curse technique to the point you forgot how to wield your weapon"

Megumi was not one to run his mouth, he preferred to listen most of the times. But in times like this, he feels the need to encapture every detail about that period of time as much as possible. And in turn, you'd listen to his voice, tuning in his gentle tone. Perhaps you got distracted at some point but that is surely not your fault

"We must've been pretty close" you grinned, hearing him finished his story

"We were"

You were practically attached to the hip from middle school, so it'd be a lie to say you weren't. But on the darkest pit of his heart he still wished you two was so much more even after knowing you like the back of his hand. How you'd swing your weapon in such way as if you were a dancer, how you'd give a lame excuse on how you peeled too much orange or apples just to get him to eat , how you purposely talk to him to keep him out just to watch a horror movie program in the middle of the night, how you'd play your music loud enough to cause hearing problems when he's not at the dorm, how he knew that you were just assigned a roomate to exploit your Curse technique, how disconnected you truly are from the world, how you'd laugh, how you'd cry, how your skin would make him shiver everytime it touches his

There was never enough of you for him really. Yet he'd wished for the impossible everytime

"So..what's your curse technique?" You asked and he would always answer

Just what was one more start?

[meimi-haneoka]

Clear Card Trivia 2 ~ Alice in Clockland and its meaning in Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

"But in the end...what the heck was that 'Clockland' ?"

Raise your hand if you have thought so at least once! If you did, then welcome to one of the posts of my Clear Card trivia series, an unexpected one I have to say, because I had scheduled to write other posts before tackling this one, but today I suddenly realized, thanks to a conversation in a community, that probably this aspect of the series takes precedence over other things.

I've seen countless of people confused over this matter ever since the play started in the plot, and everybody knows that usually when things get unexpectedly complex, they are quick to be labeled as "useless" and "nonsense".

No, Alice in Clockland isn't just a flex on CLAMP's outstanding drawing skills, it isn't useless, it is very much connected to the plot and DOES have a meaning.

Now that the main story is over, I would like to tackle this issue. I don't presume to have the Big Truth in my pocket, especially cause Ohkawa-sensei was quite eloquent in her recent public speeches: a motto she's going by is "If you think so, then it's surely true....for you", but I feel like the way I understood and reconnected the whole play and the consequent events inside Momo's book do work out pretty well, so I'll just do what I usually do: I'll write my own interpretation out here, hoping that people reading it will find it useful, will find the right angle to look at all this part of the story, and have some of their frustrations with this arc sedated. And maybe share it around to help other people too.

I just want to get my voice out there so that no one can say "no one understood it".

Of course the text below is full of spoilers if you haven't read the chapters from 64-ish / volume 13, also I will talk assuming you know what is Kaito's plan and what feelings moved him to think such plan.

Then, if you're ready, let's proceed to see in details what this is all about, starting from the play.

The Alice In Clockland Play

Let's start from the fact that the play is based on Alice Through The Looking Glass, and that is because….well, Alice in Wonderland is Ohkawa's most beloved book, so she really feels connected to it (and as you might know, this isn't CLAMP's first title inspired in Alice in Wonderland). It's just a preference, but for example many other books are referenced in this arc (as you might know from my other post in the Clear Card Trivia series) particularly "Momo" by Michael Ende (yeah, Akiho chose Momo's name from that book!).

The play (first called "The Two Alice" and then at last minute "Alice in Clockland") is undoubtedly the focal point of the second half of Clear Card. It's during the play that Kaito starts the final stage of his plan (and succeeds). But not only that, the plot of the play itself offers a good foreshadowing to what's going to happen to a certain someone later on. CLAMP used the "parallels" structure a lot in this arc, because it enhances the feeling of interconnection between the characters. "I understand what you're going through because the same happened to me". Sakura is an extremely empathetic character so that fits her and her world perfectly.

So the plot of the play Naoko wrote is quite simple: there are these two twin sisters who get separated by supernatural reasons and one of them ends up lost in another world, becoming Queen of it and forgetting completely about her family of origin. In the play they're both called Alice because of the imagery that twins are initially one same being that gets divided in two… Even the family of origin forgets about the lost daughter, but somehow their feelings for her never get erased, and they keep a chair (which stays empty) at their table. It's like they're feeling that someone is missing and are waiting for her to return, even if they don't really know it. One day, a magical black cat gets to meet the Alice who stayed in her world and ends up guiding her to a magical land: his goal is to lead her to meet her lost sister and reunite them. After wandering for a while. Alice finds her sister/Queen of that land, and touching her hands she suddenly remembers who she is, and what she herself came here for, which is to bring her back home. The two go back home together and we reach the happy ending of the play (which we could only see in the rewritten world, but surely followed the scenario Naoko had written). The most important message of the play is that even if we forget about someone, feelings cannot be erased and those will lead us back to the person we forgot and to remember about them. (Does this ring a bell..?)

The Actual Clockland

It might be useful to remind you that we're currently dealing with two major magical tools shaped like books, at this point of the story: one is the Book of Time Momo is guarding (to which Akiho gave the title "Alice in Clockland" and which will inspire the title of the play), a magical book capable of recording someone's life and, activating the so-called "Forbidden Magic", rewrite it completely. Another one is the magical artifact, shaped like a book, that was engraved into Akiho's body by her Clan and the Association of Magicians, where any magical book that Akiho reads gets "written down" , to store its magical power for use and consumption of those criminals. There's just one "tiny" problem: the more magic gets written on it, the more the book consumes and suffocates Akiho's soul, till the point of no return where the soul will get destroyed. The Clan and Association prefer this outcome as it would be easier for them to manipulate Akiho as an artifact, devoid of any conscience.

In the middle of the school play, Kaito brings Sakura and Akiho to Clockland, which is a "dimension" existing inside Momo's book, to prepare them for the rewriting of the world that he's going to perform afterwards. This world is built using Sakura, Akiho and Kaito's memories (you can see many elements that appeared in past chapters and that come from their memories, like the botanical garden where they had a double date, or the rose garden where Kaito met Akiho the first time). Another thing to be noted is that Hitsuzen (the force of inevitability that rules CLAMP's manga) facilitated Kaito enormously, so much that many things went exactly as he wished and how it was convenient for him (which isn't a good thing, since this led to a big big mess). So following the school play's roles, here Akiho is the Queen of this land, she's the most important character and it makes sense seeing who Kaito is doing all of this for. Sakura keeps being Alice, just like in the play.

In Clockland, Kaito removes Sakura and Akiho's memories and stores them in the botanical garden. He needs to do that for two reasons:

‐ just like the play, he hopes that Sakura and Akiho will follow along their roles and recognize eachother as sisters ‐ as such, this Clockland works as some kind of "primer" for their brain; ‐ he needs to change and rewrite those memories to make them become sisters later on, so he needs to have them collected in one place.

It is to be noted that Syaoran here is an intruder, Kaito didn't initially account for him to join in, and wanted to take on the role of the cat himself. In the play the cat is the one who leads one of the Alices to find the other one and make them recognize eachother as sisters, so this is the one thing Kaito wants to do and the role he wants to take on for himself. While it's true he takes Syaoran's appearance during the first part, his only goal the whole time was to take on the role of the Cat of the play. If the role had gone to, say, Yamazaki, he would've taken his appearance instead. This is clarified by Momo's "I wish I could've seen you interpret a funny character" line, instead of the cold and serious behavior of the Cat. And his reply, "I would've worked hard, as far as I could" is further confirmation that he would've played any type of personality as long as it was the Cat. This doesn't even affect Sakura, because while being under the effect of his spell, she doesn't recognize Syaoran in him (as she should, since it's not really him). So fundamentally it is to be excluded any intention to "manipulate her" or ease her in with Syaoran's appearance (as I had erroneusly written in a previous version of this post). Realizing the real Syaoran got in, and not wanting to be hindered in his plan, Kaito uses the Mirror Sakura Card as a red herring for the boy. Syaoran, in that regard, even as an intruder ends up achieving a result very in line with his "Cat role", which is to make someone remember (Sakura remembers her identity when he shouts her name). The Clear Cards are inside Clockland because Kaito soon will need to use them to power the forbidden spell. As we know from later events, not all of them are there, and some follow his orders (like Shade), some don't (like all the Cards with appearances of Sakura's loved ones, which are trying to give her hints along the way to wake her subconscious up ‐ this is exactly their role and it worked well because Sakura starts to free herself from the spell Kaito casted to keep her subconscious dormant and to keep her in her "in role", symbolized in the manga by a change of fonts used in the dialogues, a thing that those who have read it in English couldn't recognize because they didn't respect that aspect in the translation).

Another thing that Kaito hopes for, while the two girls interact in this "fairytale" (it is very much considered a fairytale by Kaito, since he calls all of them "characters"), is that Sakura will end up creating the Card he needs to operate the exchange of artifacts between him and Akiho (exchanging his pocket watch for the artifact book inside of her). As we said above, Hitsuzen shamelessly favors him and Sakura does end up creating Exchange at the last minute. Once that is done, Kaito doesn't need to keep them in this Clockland anymore, and by the contract they have, Momo starts to activate the forbidden spell on his request, rewriting everyone's memories to satisfy Kaito's wish to turn Akiho into Sakura's sister after he removed the artifact from her with Exchange.

Now, we know what happened after Kaito activated the forbidden spell. Everyone's memories were rewritten following his wish, and he was turned into a dragon and imprisoned by effect of the Seal of D., which was imposed on him by the Association like some sort of "trap", should he ever mess with Akiho's artifact.

But it's here that the play from above comes back in from the "backdoor", to bring the unexpected parallel: Kaito ends up being the character who's lost in another world and whose existence is totally forgotten by a loved one.

But that loved one got a "memento" of him (the pocket watch, which parallels the role of the chair in the play) and that object causes Akiho to feel strange, to feel like she has to fix it, she's extremely attracted to this pocket watch even if she doesn't know why. In the end, just like in the play, Akiho and Kaito reunite and despite not remembering anything about him, and not even having his true appearance in front of her (cause she meets him as a dragon first), Akiho knows perfectly well that that is the person she loves the most, because her feelings weren't erased (just like in the play).

Sakura's role in the finale ends up being similar to the one of the black cat, making everyone remember who they really are and their connections.

So this is roughly the "significance" of both the play and Clockland in this story. It is to be noted that what happens in Clockland is extremely abstract and full of riddles because Alice in Wonderland + Through The Looking Glass are exactly like that. Have you tried to read the originals by Lewis Carrol? It's quite difficult to follow along and nothing seems to make sense….when actually, with a different reading key, it does. I've had to pause my reading of Through The Looking Glass (that I had started in hope to understand the Clear Card story better) multiple times because it's quite difficult for me to stay focused and understand what's going on. I guess Ohkawa‐sensei wanted to go all out on the references to this story, and give the same narrative vibe. The references of course don't stop at the narrative structure, you can read the others in my post about the literary references that I had linked at the beginning of this post, in the section about Alice in Wonderland.

Kaito's True Feelings

Another thing to be noted about Clockland is that since it's playing a lot with the subconscious of the characters, Kaito's true feelings end up appearing here and there. The Queen's Castle, the most important place, is built on crystals, a reference to his true name (something that Sakura points out immediately and Kaito doesn't reply to, while showing a pensive face). Their memories together are protected and stored inside the botanical garden, once again made of crystals. Sakura hits the bull's eye particularly when she says that the rose garden (where Kaito met Akiho for the first time) feels extremely important to someone (that someone is Kaito, of course), and Kaito (disguised as Syaoran) looks away and urges her to move forward. The "someone" could be interpreted as Akiho too, of course, but the Cat/Kaito's reaction and the fact that the Cards told Sakura that this place is strictly interconnected with someone's "wish", makes me lean more toward Kaito. The garden pavillion appearing with the Repair card is another important place because it's where Lilie told him "you'll find something/someone you'll like, one day". It's quite telling that Sakura, despite not even remembering who she is, is guided by her infinite empathy and recognizes immediately those parts of this land that reveal Kaito's true heart and the core of this whole matter, through the continuous questions she keeps posing to everyone, in a desperate attempt to make sense of what's happening and subconsciously fight the spell that's keeping her in her "role" (she'll do that with Akiho too, later).

It's interesting to note also just how much Hitsuzen played on Kaito's side, guiding Tomoyo's instinct to re-do the outfits for the two Alices and ending up giving to Akiho a serious, dark outfit with a black veil. I remember how me and some friends commented that more than a queen, she looked like a mourning bride. Considering what happened afterwards, the imagery CLAMP chose was pretty spot on. Not only that, but the black veil also served as a metaphor for Kaito keeping Akiho's subconscious dormant, making her act like the role of the play required her to. Needless to say, Akiho was able to slip away from the grasp of that spell basically on her own, without even needing magic, only relying on her strong feelings for Kaito (she didn't even remember her name, but lifting the veil up - a very powerful imagery - she remembered that she had someone she loved, and also Sakura's name. This gets once again conveyed in the Japanese version by the change of fonts in the script). The rose headpiece is also another quite interesting part of the outfit, as Sakura asks to the Cat/Kaito why the roses in the garden are all white, despite being this the Red Queen's land... For sure, that place was referencing the real rose garden where Kaito and Akiho met the first time, where the roses were all white, but that also means that the only Red Rose in that land is....Akiho. I also remind you that the rose headpiece was featured in the color page of chapter 69, with Kaito cradling it in his arms with a sweet smile, as if he were holding something very precious....we could read the color illustration as "that's the only thing he got left of Akiho".

This is the reason why Momo, in a moment where the Alices are on their own, tells Kaito that no matter how much he tries to hide himself behind the Syaoran disguise, his true nature shows up anyway. The whole place is full of elements making reference to very important things in his heart, and his true wish. That is only normal because the whole place is made up of their memories. This is also why Momo says that Kaito gave "all of himself" for the activation of the spell.

Another very interesting part is when Sakura, before meeting the Cat/Kaito, meets her friends Rika, Chiharu, Yamazaki and Naoko in the shape of the corresponding Cards (Appear, Synchronize and True & False). The Cards tell her that what appears in this world depends on what Sakura wishes, but her reply is "This is the Red Queen's land. Shouldn't she be the one to decide what appears here in this world?" which works wonderfully on a metaphorical level to point at how Akiho should be the one deciding what happens from now on, since this place is hers and was built for her alone. Seeing how mad Akiho got at Kaito afterwards for deciding her happiness on her behalf, yes, Sakura's question was pretty legit.

In Clockland we have also lots of meaningful interactions between Sakura and Akiho and words said in conversation that will become absolutely essential to help Sakura reaching the truth in the rewritten world (especially the whole discussion about "memories" and "records"), since they stayed in her heart even with the activation of the forbidden spell.

And I believe this is everything regarding these two parts of the Clear Card plot, a way for CLAMP to undoubtedly experiment with a different kind of storytelling, and to ask their readers to dedicate a little bit more of attention to the story, trying to get out of the logical approach to things, and thinking on a more abstract and metaphorical level.

[tomura-complex]

Babysitter or something more?

This idea lives in my head for many days. I thought about an AU, where Aizawa is taking care of college student Tenko Shimura and Eri, who he saved from Overhaul. I thought about making more parts, but for now I want to share something with all of you...

Y/n is studying at college and in her free time, she is babysitting. Her former teacher from high school, Aizawa Shouta, notices her offer and calls her. Now it is time for Y/n to babysit Eri in the afternoon and meet Tenko, who is back from his lectures.

“Thank you, Y/n, so much. I’m really busy today, so I’m glad, that you have time to take care of Eri till I’m away. Pick her up at primary school by 1:30 p.m. and help her with homework, if she would have one. Please make lunch for her, Ten and you. Tenko will be at home by 3 p.m., but don’t worry, most of his time, he will be in his room. Please entertain Eri and play desks games or other things… I will be at home by 7 p.m.” I noted all important information and left my apartment. “Alright. I will inform you. And thank you so much Sensei. I really appreciate it.” “That’s alright kid. I’m really glad, that Eri won’t be alone. Bye for now.” I said goodbye and hang up.

When I have done all today’s lectures, I went to the primary school Aizawa told me about and went inside. After a while I found Eri waiting for me. “Hi there, sweetheart. I’m here instead of Aizawa. I’ll take care of you until he comes home, okay?” She curiously looked at me and then smiled. She stood up. “Hi… I’m Eri.” She mumbles. “I’m Y/n. Now let’s go.” I took her hand and went out with her. While walking toward her home, Eri told me about her older brother Tenko and her dad Aizawa. She seems shy at first, but she is really curious and talkative.

When we got to her home, I helped her with homework and we made lunch together. Then I heard door opening and closing and steps in the hallway. “Dad? I’m home.” Mumbles a raspy voice. Wait… I heard this voice already. I turn around and see black haired boy in black pants and hoodie with dark ruby eyes. “Who are you?” He rasps annoyed. “Oh, hi I’m Y/n. I’m taking care of Eri this afternoon, until Shouta comes home.” I smiled and extended hand to him. “Hey.” He grumbles and ruffles Eri’s hair while she hugs him. Then he turns his back at me and leaves. I blinked surprised. “He likes being alone.” Eri says and stand on her stool. I smiled and took out plates. I served chicken teriyaki for the three of us. “I will take this to your brother. I will be right back, okay?” I smiled.

I knocked on the door and no one responded. I slowly opened the door. “Tenko?” I whispered and looked inside. Damn. This place is a mess! I went inside and looked at him. Tenko is sitting by his computer coding something and… listening to some video. I stand right next to him. “Tenko.” I said loudly. He jerks, turns to me and took of his headphones. “What are you doing here? Who told you, you can just walk into my room? Didn’t you see the sign? No girls are allowed here!” He said angrily. “Tenko. I’m just bringing you lunch. And stop grumbling so much. I’m the same age as you and I’m here just for Eri.” I said and placed the plate in front of him. Then I walked out. I sighed and joined Eri in the kitchen.

“Okay, now read this. Just this sentence.” I whisper and Eri started slowly reading the sentence. I took some book for children and I’m reading it with Eri, so she can read better. Once again, I heard doors and dragging legs. Then the noise joined steps on the stairs. “Dad, what was that girl doing here? I could take care of Eri by myself. It’s not that hard.” Grumbles the raspy voice. I turn my head around and blinked. Tenko looks at me and froze. “You’re still here.” He mumbles and ran to his room… again. Aizawa sits down next to us. We greeted and Eri hugged him. “Sorry for Ten. I hope he was not so rude.” Shouta grumbles and scratched his hair. I smiled. “That’s okay. So, I will get going.” I stood up. “Oh and… you studied even literature, right? Tenko would need tutoring, because he has really bad grades and… I don’t have time. And Eri would need more babysitting.” I smiled “Of course. When will I pick her up?” I ruffled Eri’s hair.

-- next week --

I knocked on the door and Shouta opened them. “Hi Y/n, I will call Tenko right away.” He smiles at me and I went inside. I sat down in the living room and took out my notes. After a while, Tenko with bored and annoyed look sat in front of me. “Hey.” I smiled at me. He looked at the floor. “Hi.” He mumbles. He acts… more shyly than before. I sighed. “Okay, let’s begin. We will talk about classic literature.” I smiled.

This lecture was really slow. Ten wasn’t talking much. I said goodbye to Shouta. He dragged Tenko to him and encouraged him to walk me home. I smiled and went outside. He puts his hands in pocket of his hoodie and walks quietly beside me. We stopped at the end of the street. “Thanks for walking me home… and thanks for not being so rude.” I smiled at him. He looks at me, pink blush spreading at his cheeks. “Yeah… bye.” He shuffles his legs and I saw how much his pants are tight. Well… they are too tight, so his little problem is quite noticeable. I smirked and kissed his cheek. He looks into my eyes blushing and out of breath. “We can meet between my tutoring, school and babysitting. If you want to. Bye Ten.” I give him list with my number into his hand and then walk away to my apartment.

So here it is!!! I hope you like it! And if you want, I can make more parts! Because shy college Tenko is the best.

Part 2

[drop-the-curtain-123]

Headcanons about the Nagisa - Kataoka duo, plz.

Hi, thanks for the ask! It's an interesting pair I never really thought about. But I did write a one-shot about Kataoka a couple weeks ago, so I'm geared up.

Nagisa & Kataoka:

I feel like they do get along, though. They're not really close, per say, because their friend groups are different, but they're definitely on the same wavelength.

They're both levelheaded, rational people who try to come up with solutions in a logical, thought-out manner.

Since Kataoka is more assertive and socially involved than Nagisa, he sort of never goes out of his way to talk to her.

She's genuinely appreciated, and admired for her charisma.

Kataoka appreciates Nagisa's "backseat" efforts though, and is admirative of the Koro Sensei weakness list, for example.

It's noted in the Roll Book Time that Nagisa actually is one of the few who is capable of stopping her when she goes on a bit too much on lecturing and ordering.

I think he'd be one to tap on her shoulders and try to derail her mind from what is upsetting her (probably Okajima's hijinks). Probably offer her a candy and a reading of his notes and observations. She deserves that down-time.

More on their dynamic:

There's quite a bit of parallels between them, when we think about it: Nagisa obviously has issues with being percieved and respected as the man he is, and his masculinity is often put into question. On the opposite end, Kataoka struggles with her femininity.

He's the shortest guy in Class E, and she's the tallest girl. They canonically had an arm wrestling match, too, that Nagisa completely lost, much to Megu chagrin.

As to activities, or situations where they'd actually spend time together, I'd like to think quiet, revising sessions would fit them; they both enjoy order and calm, and would probably make a great team.

Beyond Class E:

I can see them having the same sort of low-key time, touring the city mall, overall staying in their own bubble, and enjoying to be far, for once, from their more energetic friends.

Nagisa would win the claw machines games for Megu, making her overjoyed (think, a dolphin plushie).

Kataoka would in return use her mastery of knifemanship to win at games that revolve around quick-thinking, and dexterity. Darts, maybe?

I can see them go for clothes shopping too; they both trust eachother, and know of the others issues regarding how they're percieved, but also the fact they aren't BFF helps with honesty when chosing a piece.

In the future (think, the 7 years timeskip), I think that Nagisa (who is busy, due to his teaching) and Kataoka (when she lands back in Kunugigaoka, being a flight attendant) they unexpectedly end up having a free hour to spend together, at a café.

Doing things like catching up, sharing anecdotes from cabin crew and passagers, or from colleagues and students. They definitely would do it, lightheartedly, with Kanzaki too, who'd talk about her patients.

I hope you liked it :) There's not much to go off from in canon, but I genuinely think they would have a mature, 'stable person I can rely on if needed' sort of dynamic, despite everything.

My ask box is still open for headcanon requests!

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

2010 Hakuoki SSL Short Story

Sorry this was a tad late, but I wanted to figure out what to call this and if I could get an idea where this story was first published since I remembered that this story was reprinted in one of the Otomate Maniax books... which took me a while to double check since I didn't remember where I had put them.

This story was originally published on one of the Otomate Hakuoki blog websites (link below). Although the original post doesn't have a specific "name" for this story, the reprint refers to this as "薄桜鬼ハロウイン企画" which translates to "Hakuoki Halloween Project."

Also, the tl I saw uses the word 'dim sum' which can translate to "snack", "candy", "dessert" and "pastry" (basically anything sweet)... so I've adjusted the word I used based on what fit the context better.

Anyway, enjoy!

2010 Hakuoki SSL Short Story

Translation by KumoriYami

Today was Halloween. The only girl at Hakuo Gakuen hurried to school with the sweets she made herself.

Yukimura： "I've always been taken care of by everyone, so I wanted to express my gratitude to everyone. But, where is everyone…?"

It appeared that she was completing ignoring the purpose of Halloween and thought of today as a day to "thank everyone" instead of playing tricks on people who didn't give candy.

"Ah———I don't have any more candy to give you!!"

Suddenly, I heard voices coming from by the school gates.

I hastily went over, and saw that Harada-sensei and Nagakura-sensei surrounded by students.

……However, after taking a closer look, the two's circumstances were really different.

Harada： "Hey hey, isn't today's a day for children to ask adults for candy? So you don't need to give me any candy, and should eat it yourself."

Nagakura： "Anyway, why are you all giving Sano candy! This is too unfair!"

The male students all asking Nagakura-sensei for candy, yet Harada-sensei was receiving candy from girls from the neighbouring Shimabara Girls' High School.

The students seeing how pitiful Nagakura-sensei was, were driven away the scene.

Yukimura： Harada-sensei, Nagakura-sensei. Um… I've always been looked after by you two teachers, so today I prepared some pastries…"

Nagakura： "What!? A goddess….. right now before my eyes, there's a goddess…!

Harada： "These are handmade pastries, for you make them especially for us, we can't refuse them."

Nagakura-sense was overjoyed, and to express his gratitude, Harada-sensei gave her a lot of candy.

During the lunch break, she met with Okita and Toudou, who were holding a lot of snacks.

Yukimura： "You two have done well, you have quite a lot of candy…. were those given to you by everyone?"

Okita： "It's because today's a day children ask adults for candy."

Toudou："I got these all from the teachers!"

One by one, the two described the snacks they received.

Toudou： "This is chocolate I got from San-san! He gave us so much."

Okita： "But it's the ten-yen bargain kind."

Toudou： "This red jelly was given Sannan-san! But I have the feeling that this jelly has a strange smell."

Oktita： ""Ah, I don't want this jelly. Heisuke you take it and eat it."

Toudou： "After that, this is the cake that Kondou-san gave us! Kondou-san is really spontaneous!"

Okita： "He said "today is the day to give children candy!" and gave this to ask before we could even ask. Kondou-san always treats me like a child."

Yukimura： "Um... will you be able to eat all that dessert?"

Okita： "There won't be a problem…… So, will you be giving me pastries that you personally made?"

Toudou： "Ah…. Souji, you're so cunning! I also…!

Yukimura： "Hehe, you both have a share, don't worry."

After giving them a homemade pumpkin flavoured cupcake, they smiled happily and once the two parted, she was found by members of the Disciplinary Committee.

Yukimura： "Both of you also received a lot of candy."

Saito： "No, these were not given by other people."

Kaoru： "They were confiscated from students who were making noises and disrupting the school morals because of Halloween."

Hearing those words, Yukimura slump her shoulders in dismay.

Yukimura： "So-Sorry, I——"

Kaoru： ""But, what we confiscated is too much for us to finish ourselves. Sorry, help us deal with some of this candy."

Kaoru and Saito handed over the desserts to a confused Yukimura.

Yukimura： Uh, um... is this okay?"

Saito： "It's fine. Otherwise these sweets will get spoiled… we just cannot waste food for no reason."

Yukimura： "I, I understand."

Kaoru： "…….So is one of those pastries to give to your older brother?"

Yukimura： "It's because today is Halloween. That's why I thought about giving everyone….."

Saito： "It doesn't matter if excellent students participate in these sort of activities."

Yukimura： "Huh? Is that so.....?"

Kaoru： "That's right. My lovely younger sister is special."

Yukimura, who didn't realize that these two people were being partial to her, silently gave the both of them pastries.

As she continued walking, Kazama stood in the middle of the hallway to talk to Yukimura.

Kazama： "My wife, do you know what day it is today?……. If you don't give me a treat, I'll play a trick on you."

Yukimura： "Ah, that's right. Please let everyone in the student council enjoy these."

Kazama： "It's undoubtedly Halloween, so it would be far too boring to let you go like this… These opportunities seldom come by, so I will be playing a trick on you."

Yukimura： "Huh.... HUH!?"

Hijikata： "Kazama…… You're not a kid anymore. Don't do such senseless things."

Hijikata-sensei, who just appeared from behind Kazama, swatted down Kazama's hand as he was about to reach for Yukimura.

Hijikata： "Every guy is is restless because of Halloween…………because Principal Kondou took the lead, even if everyone said "no", that wouldn't work…..."

Yukimura： "Th-Thank you for your hard work. Hijikata-sensei..."

Although Yukimura felt sorry that Hijikata had to participate in Halloween activities himself, she still gave him a pastry.

Yukimura： "This might be a bother to you… to thank you for looking after me, I made some pastries"

Hijikata： "……It's only natural that a teacher looks after students."

Even though he said that, he still held out his hand with a smile to accept Yukimura's pastry——

Hijikata： "......Hey, Kazama. What are you intending by putting your hand out?"

Kazama： "Naturally to have my share. I'm merely receiving this gift."

Hijikata was stunned as he looked as Kazama extended his hand as if nothing had happened. Yukimura smiled as the interaction between the two of them and handed them the pastries at the same time.

Hijikata： "Thank you."

Kazama： "Just look forward to my response."

Hijikata："......Seriously, what 【return gift】 are you talking about."

Yukimura, who had given everyone snacks to everyone, felt quite satisfied. Hakuo Gakuen's Halloween passed by like this.

End

-----------------

This was originally published on October 30, 2010.

original link: http://blog.otomate.jp/staffblog/2010/10/post-499.html

...I suppose this will be an exception to the content I post since I usually don't post content from the Hakuoki blogs onto my tumblr... though because of that, I've made this un-rebloggable.

[toyama-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Kensaku Morimoto

～ November 5th ～

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Login Lines:

“I'm getting the feeling it can't play dumb about my birthday like last time. It didn't work out for me last year, so I might as well surrender. Free stuff isn’t the worst thing anyways!”

“Hey, free things! Nah, I kid, I kid. Thank you for the gift.”

Voice Lines:

“Ah… You know, having partners means they're probably going to try and do something for me. Mmm… I'll let it happen this year, but maybe I should tell them that having them in my life is enough. No need for extravegant surprises or presents.”

“Apparently, my niece has started baking so my little brother and his family are coming over to deliver a cake to me. Maybe I'll go out to lunch with them… It'll be nice to catch up with Hayato.”

“Oh, Asato-kun! It's good to see you! Hm? Yeah, I've been fine. Nobody has come for my bounty yet. Then again, I doubt anyone is wanting to do anything to our team! What? Oh yeah, except him, haha.”

“What did you forget? Oh, presents! Haha, ‘I make horrible science puns but only periodically’? Where’d you find this? Of course I like these cheesy things, I love them! Thank you Asato-kun! And something from Toshiko, huh? A picnic set? Why did she… Oh. Oh! I guess I did tell her about Jakurai and Sayaka. Or more like she forced it out of me. Huh? Did I not tell you guys? Wait, really? I’m sorry! Here, I’ll explain it later… N-Now? Asato, I don’t think- Calm down, kiddo!”

“Hello Yano… I forgot to tell Asato about Jakurai and Sayaka. Yeah, it just slipped my mind. H-Hey! I’m just a little caught up with stuff… It’s nothing like that, Yano. Don’t be gross…”

“It’s a couple of things! Let’s see what the book is first… ‘The Drunken Botanist’? …Yano. Really? You better be honest, I don’t appreciate you mocking me. Pfft, okay fair, fair. Still, this looks like an interesting read! Now the second thing… Aw, cute! They fit together? How do you- Oh, thank you Yano-kun. That is adorable! I’m sure they’ll like their cats too. Wait, is it really that much of a surprise? I guess I wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling with Jakurai since I thought my days of experimenting my sexuality was long past… What’s that face for? Don’t judge me for being slow about that. Sure, sure, just ‘surprised’.”

Asato Lines:

“Happy birthday Ken sensei… Mhm. Have you been safe? Yeah… I guess nobody is really hunting us down. Well? Yano might be different. Since he has ties to the yakuza, I guess. It must be rough for him…”

“Ah, almost forgot. This is for you. The little retractable badge clip. Looked like the cheesy stuff you like. And gramma insisted I deliver this to you. Not sure why she wanted you to have this thing… Something about you being able to put this to better use…Huh? Jakurai… Saya… Since when? Why didn’t you say? Hmph… No, you gotta tell me now. How long have you been keeping it secret? Sensei…!”

Yano Lines:

“What the hell did you say to get Asato so upset? …You seriously forgot to tell your teammate about your new relationship? Are you stupid? Yeah, I’m sure you’re busy. Anyways, don’t bother sharing your sappy romantic stuff. Just take this gift.”

“Have fun digging around that bag. It’s not much, but you’re hard to buy for old geezer. Heh, figured you could put your two hobbies together. No, I’m not making fun of you! I told you, you like your booze and you do science shit with plants, so? See, I know you at this point. Yeah, that keychain is a set of three. They go together. N-No not like that… Just hand it over. See? Just like that. I figure as a celebration for being able to finally confess, you get your own little cat. Still, you liking Jakurai caught me off guard… I’m not judging! I’m just surprised, prick!”

[lilac-melody]

Hii again!!

I'm the anon from last night (afternoon?), and thankyouthankyou so much for answering my ask haha. It made me excited when I saw that you needed two times to read it (when I read your answer I also needed some time to reread, I got up and even read while walking, couldn't stay put 😅)

And I wanna say, thank you for sharing them (your fics), and I mean sharing them, not just writing them bc I still think it's wonderful that you enjoy them, but sharing them is a lot other deal where you gotta be at the expense of hateful criticism and such, which I know can be ignored but it's still there, and is scary to open about you, about something that you made and people just being people don't understanding what a big deal is that, bc that way we got to read them and enjoy them and feel in general something whathever that is joy or sadness.

I specially enjoy those

I specially enjoy those fics of yours that are just for the lols haha, I get a good laugh without the urge of finishing a long one, bc once I start reading one I won't stop (except to attend the necesities that haha) though I also like your long ones, like Ikigai haha man that was a ride, I remember being at the edge of my seat just looking for their first signs of falling in love, and being exasperated at Yuujirou but also sad with him running away, I also loved Ken in that fic, even though I think he should have been there more for Aizou, just like in the canon but I understand that it was a lot to take and not anybody can do it, I also liked them being Prince x comoner, haha the change of peace was great bc Yuujirou is usually more prince like with his arrogant cute little attitudes and Aizou being like his loyal lovable idiot haha, right now I don't remember the name of the fic, but there was this one where Yuujirou and Aizou being both princes and Yuujirou is in this arranged marriage and Aizou is devastated about it and then true love (the kiss) saving the day, and the fic where Yuujirou is kidnapped, though I can't talk much about this one bc I don't wanna spoil anyone but the turn at the end was great haha 😆 Aizou is incredible, though poor Hiyori, suffering no matter the universe with those two around, though in a way still getting paid haha.

And there are a lot other great fics I've read, though I must confess I haven't read all of them, I got those ones that I haven't read saved in a big group (in Chorme). And I'm just not deleting them for my life haha, though my Ram is mad at me😅.

And ohhhh your origin story in writing 😍 it's cool, I'm sure I would have just wrote the definitions haha, writing a short story is still being pretty creative, specially when you have to use some words in specific and not something in my opinion anyone can do

I still think you're pretty cool and amazing, (yeah I always read the tags), and it's cool being mean and antisocial (I mean, strangers are usually soo fake friendly, I've got people that are like this that I just have known them like less than two hours and bc I give the vibe that I'm smart?? I dunno 😑 try to take advantage of that, whan I'm usually more lost than them haha, but if I don't return the "gesture" of being friendly I got the "looks" of being strange and I guess antisocial?? I just want to being left alone to read in peace man, but it's imposible so I have just resigned to that destiny), in my book people will always suck, they lie, they brush others off, they seem perfect in a way I don't understand bc they are accepted with their peers even when it seems fake to me, and I will never understand that, and even some of them are infiurating being so much at their element (that element being great at socialicing, where I struggle) but the world is like that and if we (you and me, my dear author LStar-sensei, or femme-malewife-sensei??) ever where to be in the same place I think it would be nice to just being the both of us in our mental space?? (Dunno if this makes sense hhahaha) but being just there is nice (I guess in a way we are right now, interacting like this. Being antisocial and mean is fine, bc if you're being mean to someone, they must've likely did something deserved to be treated mean, no matter if that something is minuscule in theirs or other peoples points of view, only you know how you're feeling and getting others to get it is hard enough to explain, so in a way being respectful is enough for me)

And I wanna say that even though it makes me sad (to the point of crying a little sometimes) when an author delets or abandonds their works for wathever reason they have, I will always respect it. Bc it's something you shared with us, and you have all the right to feel how you feel towards something you wrote and act however you seem the best, and it's also fine to not finish everything you write, I'm not a writer, so is hard for me to get it, but I swear to you it's fine if you ever move on to other things or lost interest or motivation to continue writing soemthing (maybe we will cross paths in another fandom, one never knows) I just hope you continue with joy doing wathever makes you happy (though as a reader it really makes me sad when authors delete their works, and as a reader that has read some beautiful pieces of art unfinished, I still keep rereading them sometimes, even though they are not finished I still get the joy of the journey of the characteres no matter how short or long or even how crack it is haha, bc I remember them, those great stories that help me get through another day, week, month and even though I'm still hopeful I could get the joy of getting even just one chapter someday, I will always respect the author and hope they're doing well with their lives, even if it's short the time that we conected in a great story, I just hope that they're well and yeah I will feel that way towards you one day if it ever happens, bc you're great and don't let anyone let you the oposite, though it's also fine if you just ignore them hihihi )

And yeahhhh, origin stories of you getting into lipxlip and yuumori. 😆 I think I share with you almost how I got into yuumori, bc let's be sincere, it's hard to get that almost instantaneous click with every story one sees, the diference with me is that I got into it again bc you wrote a fic of them 😊 which I must confess haven't read it yet, but I will definetly do it when I have time, I just want to reread some parts of the manga (to get into the mood if you get what I mean haha😅)

And yeahsss, I think you answered everything of that ask of mine and even more, thank you so much!! And sorry if I extended more that neccesary My mind is rambling and doesn't know when to stop (or summarize) sometimes haha

- Saludos 🤗

Ahahahaha thank you! I'm glad you like them! Yeah out of all of my multichaps for lxl, I'd say Ikigai is my fav. Or The BL Experience, which focuses on new jobs for lxl to expand on...and my fic that focuses moreso on the mystery rather than the ship In The Pursuit of Happiness. I had fun with that one too. I'm quite proud of these ones, even if I still cringe @ some of the chapters on all of them lmao.

I hope you're reading my current wip Dream Faded !! I'm really excited for this one and I'm looking forward to being able to update it!

But thank you for your kind words! I'll do my best to be a decent role model 😭

[mtdthoughts]

Hi there! I really enjoy reading your analysis. I noticed something interesting that I wanted to share wih you. I don't know if this may seem obvious, but I think it's worth mentioning Dali's interests. This contains Spoilers!

To give a quick overview, it was presented that Dali was the first one to arrive (and to leave) Sonoyama's house

When Dali arrived at his new house, he was amazed by the astronomical-themed room. However, the Sonoyamas thought that Dali didn't like it because of his reaction. But Dali tells them that he actually liked it.

In the last episode, we can see Dali reading an algebra book in the anime (or a geometry book in the manga), while Migi does cubist art. They have found their passion. However, Migi didn't discover his passion for art because of the Sonoyamas; it's something natural for him, I think. On the other hand, the Sonoyamas brought Dali closer to the things that fascinate him in the present (math-science) indirectly.

This doesn't entirely support my theory; my theory is that Dali left to study to become a mathematician, engineer, astrophysicist, etc. (Nami-sensei didn't clarify it).

My first language isn't English, sorry for the wording. Pd: I also found out that the titles of chapters 1 and '13' are both "Migi and Dalí," and they were 13 years old back then lol

Hi, and thanks for reading my stuff!

Yes, I have thought about Dali's interests for quite a while, and I'm glad you pointed this out. I agree that he certainly has interests in math and science, and thank you for showing the picture of the bookshelf. I actually hadn't noticed the science books until I saw this, and I'm sure he was definitely reading those in his free time!

This, plus the fact that Dali does very well in math and science at school, plus his logical and experimental way of thinking (like his plans in Episode 6) does seem to confirm an innate passion for science that the Sonoyamas have helped awakened both through their books and their Christmas present to him. I think it was similar for Migi too, because before all he did was make silly doodles and drawings, and I think that after he received his Christmas present his art began to evolve.

I also agree with you that it isn't clear what Dali wants to do in the future, though to be fair he is still quite young and is only going to prep school, so he certainly has plenty of time to think about it. There's also not much evidence to support a specific theory (as far as I know). He could be studying math, physics, engineering, medicine, etc. Heck, he could become an expert in multiple areas! Anyway, I'm sure Sano-sensei wanted to leave this to our own imagination. :)

Regarding Dali's interaction with the Sonoyamas when he sees his room for the first time, I think he could have been faking his reaction (including the star comment) in order to leave a good impression on them, though I'm sure on some level he was glad that he was finally no longer at the orphanage. It is possible that he was being completely honest, though given Dali's habit of dishonesty, I don't think it's likely. Perhaps there's some meaning to this, I don't know...

It's also interesting that you bring up the fact that both Episodes 1 and 13 are titled "Migi and Dali". Personally, I don't agree with the anime staff's decision to do this, and I think that the first episode should have been titled "Hitori" or something like that, not only to have a unique episode title but also to provide a comparison between the first and last episodes when the twins are HItori versus they are finally themselves.

Anyway, thanks for your comments, it certainly gave me something to think about!

[depressedhatakekakashi]

A Better Role Model

Words: 739

For: @mushroombitchboy

White chocolate was a favorite of Kaito’s. A sweet treat that he rarely had the opportunity to enjoy due to an overly strict diet that his father had him on.

               Thankfully, with a lot of bribery and a little begging (just enough to get him what he wanted, but not so much that he made a fool of himself), Kaito had succeeded in securing himself a new Sensei who seemed to love sharing sweets with him.

               Especially the white chocolates.

               “Here,” plucking a chocolate out of the Bento box Kakashi had made for him, Kaito held it out to his Sensei. “They’re your chocolates. You should enjoy them too.”

               Eyeing the offering, Kakashi shook his head. “I’m good, thanks.”

               “What, do you think I poisoned them when you weren’t looking?” retracting his offer, Kaito wasted no time before plopping it into his mouth and enjoying the sweet flavour that quickly coated his tongue. “Anko-Sensei hasn’t taught me much about poison’s. Those lesson’s are usually reserved for Jun.”

               “Don’t speak with food in your mouth,” Kakashi scolded him, thought with none of the anger Kaito was used to hearing in his father’s voice. “and no, I’m not worried about you poisoning me. You know better than to even try.”

Unlike some people.

               Kaito giggled at the unspoken words. He didn’t need to hear it to know that was exactly what his Sensei was thinking. The way Kakashi glanced around, as if he was watching out for someone, spoke louder than any words could.

               Swallowing his treat, he broke out into a grin. “Because Anko-Sensei would miss you?”

               “Yes, but no,” the smile dropped off of his face. “She would miss me, but she’d also be too interested in learning how you managed to poison me to register that I’d been poisoned for…oh, about six hours.”

               “Probably eight,” Kaito corrected him. “Give her at least an extra hour to ask me for the specific poison I used.”

               Kakashi laughed.

               An honest, bright laugh that seemed to resonate in the air around Kaito.

               A sound he couldn’t ever remember hearing from his father. Not from something he had said, at least.

               “Anyways,” claiming the final chocolate, he jumped to his feet. “Your loss. I tried to be nice.’

               More laughter, this time a little softer but with the exact same authenticity as the last one. Kaito’s heart swelled with pride as he listened to it, a feeling he never thought he would feel.

               “You did,” Kakashi agreed as he shut his book and tucked it away in his back pouch. “Ready to continue training?”

               Excitement coursed through Kaito’s vein’s. “I’ll get it this time,” he promised, thinking back to his last failed attempt at using the Great Fireball Jutsu that Kakashi had taught him. “I’m sure of it!”

               A hand came down on top of his head and a wave of calm washed over him. It felt like a weird sort of calm that Kaito wasn’t used to, with confidence and pride mixed in. Almost as though Kakashi was passing his emotions to Kaito. Telling him that he believed in him without having to say a thing.

               It took all of Kaito’s will power to stop himself from reaching up and grabbing hold of that hand to hold it there.

               “When you master it,” Kakashi spoke gently, his words simple but full of a pride that Kaito had only ever heard from his mother before. “I’ll teach you another one.

               Another jutsu.

               Kaito’s stomach churned with excitement. He hadn’t even finished learning this jutsu and he was already being offered a new one. As if Kakashi knew without a doubt that he would master it.

               “I’ll get it,” he whispered, speaking more to himself than Kakashi. “I know I will.”

               “You will,” Kakashi stepped past him and slowly removed his hand from his head as he headed back towards the training field. “I believe in you.”

               Chocolates were a sweet treat. A little way that Kaito’s sensei spoiled him when no one else would, but it was nothing compared to the gift of having someone believe in him. Someone who wanted to train him not for themselves, but for him.

               That was a gift that Kaito had grown up thinking he would never receive.

               Now that he had it, he refused to lose it. No matter how hard he had to work, he would earn the trust that Kakashi put in him.

[tvstarkuma]

"oh, teddieeeeeee!"

that's about all the warning the bear gets before being swept up into madoka's arms in a big, loving hug. she leans down to press a kiss to the crown of the mascot's head, giggling cheerfully, before pulling away and digging through a tote bag to find a rather large gift wrapped in red and blue.

inside, teddie would find a full set of madoka's favourite shoujo manga: kaitou saint mail. from the looks of it - the slight yellowing of the pages and creases in the spine from being read and reread over and over again - they're quite literally her copies from childhood. it had taken a lot of effort to get them here, so she hopes her friend appreciates the piece of her heart she's passing on.

"happy bear-thday!" she practically sings, "i hope you enjoy these; they got me through a lot when i was younger... take good care of them for me, okay? they're really precious to me... just like you! so i thought, y'know, they'd have a good home in your paws. seriously, though, teddie... i don't know what we - what i, even - would do without you. you're such a ray of light in everyone's lives... like a bright, shining star who makes everyone who sees it happier. i'm so glad you decided to come join us on this side. let's make even more and more memories together, okay? love you, honey. to bits!"

Back then, Teddie would’ve never imagined where he would be today. To have his deepest desires that he had to ignore all be granted would’ve been unfathomable. Now here he lived amongst humans, no longer alone. Teddie was surrounded by friends who loved him and lived with a kind family. Teddie had everything he could’ve asked for and today he remembered the first day he spent stepping into the glorious unknown.

“Senseeeeeiii!” The mascot shouted back with as much energy as he could. For fun this was now a challenge and Teddie was not going to lose.

His face turned an innocent pink as they shared their loving hug and then a brighter red when she kissed his head. There was enough cheer in the bear to keep snuggling, but he kept to himself like a good boy. Sensei also had a noticeably full tote bag today that caught his attention.

“Are you here here play with Teddie today? Or do you have something special for me?”

Teddie couldn’t resist seeing inside the gift. He’s never received anything this heavy before. Must be something big! Turns out it wasn’t one big gift, it was a few smaller gifts: manga! The bear took one of the books and quickly flipped through pages. None of Yosuke’s manga looked like this. They all had completely grey pages and clean spines. He held one particular page between two fingers and enjoyed the art style. He loved cute manga like this!

"Sensei's own precious bear-loom?!" Definitely this was a series he would glide right through, "Thank you, Sensei! I'll read every page. I promise I'll be as gentle as a cub."

As an example, Teddie carefully put the manga volume he flipped through back with the rest. Keeping them together for easier transportation was important! Teddie must not be a bear who loses things.

"Sensei..." The bear could feel his eyes start to form tears even as he smiled wide, "I wouldn't be here without all of you helping me find out who I am. My life on this side is all thanks to you! Our memories together are the best days in my entire life. This...is my life! I didn't have anything before I met you guys. Seeing you all happy is the greatest gift I can ever have."

Placing his gift down beside them, he wrapped his arms around Madoka and gave her an even tighter hug than before. An ultimate bear hug! The crown jewel of hugs!

"I love you, Sensei! And I'll keep loving you while I continue being the best Teddie that's ever and will ever be!"

[straycatboogie]

2024/03/08 English

BGM: Paul Weller - Into Tomorrow

This morning, I've read Kazumi Saeki's public journal "The journal of Wheat [麦の日記帖 震災のあとさき 2010-2018]" completely. This book certainly delivers this author's honest/sincere attitude and style. It has been written from 2010 to 2018, and also it contains the Great East Japan Earthquake. However, Saeki hasn't lost his way to go to write his own literature creating. His diligent attitude is really trustable.

As this journal has taught me, I have to keep a thanksgiving for this peaceful life in my mind because that peace can be destroyed by various accidents so easily. Especially, this month March is the one which has been connected with the huge earthquake's memories (as I have mentioned above.) But, Saeki won't give up the hope toward tomorrow. He keeps on his steady progressing with his straight, graceful style.

As you see, I've also been writing the journal of mine every day. Why am I writing this? I can't say surely, but when I had thought what I would share with my friends, I decided to start this trial because that was only one content I could do. Now, I'm finding that so many readers feel something entertaining with my writings, so I'm glad about that.

This afternoon, a sudden sad news arrived - a great Japanese manga artist, Akira Toriyama passed away. Oh no… Indeed, I have rarely read manga. Once, when I was young and stupid, I couldn't understand why people could enjoy manga because I had thought they must be silly. But now, I respect manga as a marvelous form of entertainment.

On Discord and MeWe, this sudden sad news surprised many users - they dedicate their honest greeting to Toriyama. TBH, I have to accept that I have never read Dragon Ball completely. But even for me, his illustrations and skill of storytelling is really marvelous. I respect him as one of the greatest dream weavers in our modern time. Now, his works go deliver entertainment beyond the walls of languages, the borders, the distance beyond seas. Oh, what an incredible power. I say - Rest In Peace, Mr. Toriyama sensei. And, thank you so much!

[more-than-a-princess]

"Does it?" Sonia asked, turning once in a circle in front of Shinobu. But instead of coyly pretending not to meet her gaze and expecting compliments to flow forth, she was looking down at every angle of herself she could. It was oversized, something that Sonia hardly encountered thanks to many tailors and seamstresses that worked for the Royal Family, but it was also jet black. Black was a color purely reserved for funerals and mourning in Novoselic, at least when publicly worn by a royal head-to-toe: thus, she never had much of a chance to wear all black clothing otherwise, some of her graphic t-shirt backgrounds aside. Against her fair skin and pale blonde hair, it provided a rather sharp contrast. "I have never had the opportunity to wear something like this before." In so many ways, it seemed.

At least she found herself relaxing some, knowing that her friend wouldn't mind a few wrinkled cuffs and pin marks in her clothes. Sonia smiled, giving her a small shrug at her presumption. "Truth be told, I am not permitted to wear traditional Japanese clothing, at least in public where I may be recorded doing so. It may be received as cultural appropriation and in poor taste in the eyes of some. That is why it is often decided I wear western-style clothes made by Japanese designers with Japanese textiles and methods, such as the dress I wore the night we met!" She chuckled in embarrassment at that, her cheeks lightly pink. It had been beautifully constructed by a Japanese design house so proud to have dressed a European princess, but looking at all the photographs and video, Sonia still thought she'd resembled a jellyfish.

Thankfully, Shinobu didn't seem terribly interested in debating the idea of Sonia in traditional Japanese clothing any further. She nodded, both at her friend's assessment of Murakami-sensei's fame and his questionable treatment of female characters in his books. "He is undeniably a talented author, yes," Sonia agreed, stepping to Shinobu's side in front of the books she'd carefully chosen. "But you have said precisely what I find to be so troublesome about his works: the female characters are constantly objectified, in terms of what use they might provide the male characters present. They feel as if they are projections as to what Murakami-sensei values in a woman, versus a fully-fleshed character with her own dreams and desires, separate from the male protagonist in her life. But Murakami-sensei is very well-known: I only wish other Japanese authors could be given a chance to experience such fame around the world."

Perhaps even Kawakami-sensei and others who offered different views of the world like her. "Perhaps you could share with me what you think of the interviews when you are done," Sonia suggested, right before her eyes went wide. It wasn't as if her friend had a large array of books to share, she'd certainly notice their disappearance if they were temporarily in Sonia's possession. "Are you certain?" She asked, though she accepted both books with both hands carefully anyway. "I quite agree, I believe art from marginalized groups is an important contribution to the culture of the world, to show perspectives one might not otherwise be exposed to. But...these are your precious current favorites, are they not? It may take me some time to read them, so I may not be able to return them to you expediently."

If her school schedule and royal duties were anything to go by, and then there was the time she carved out for her friends and the time set aside for her movies, her tv shows, her manga. Her reading time was dear to her, and her chosen interests were kept mostly private: where she felt she could truly divulge her interests was in the safety of the internet and the anonymity of a username, where she could debate the likes of haunted manors rattling about with people going mad, ritual punishments, Victorian vampire works, and steamy fantasy and supernatural romances with other like-minded fans, no judgement passed no matter how ridiculous or questionable the premise was. So her anxiousness, then, was understandable as Shinobu inquired after her own favorite novels. "Ah, well that is-" She stammered, wondering how best to explain her true literary tastes-

Until they were interrupted. By a called name, one that Sonia hadn't heard before but seemingly made her friend go rigid. As if she were repulsed by the name itself, or the person it belonged to. Her blonde eyebrows raised in curiosity, questions on the tip of her tongue before Shinobu took her hand and gave her instructions. Not suggestions, but instructions of how to leave her family's house. Sonia saw no point in contradicting it: it was her friend's home, after all, and she was merely an invited guest. One that now fired off a quick message into her mobile phone before dropping it into her purse. "All right," She murmured, not even thinking to protest about the books shoved in her shopping bag, her purse and folded, dirtied dress in her other arm. She followed Shinobu round the corner, only to come face to face with...well, precisely what she would've imagined an older male family member of Shinobu's to look like. He had her eyes (or perhaps more aptly, she had his), and neither Yaguchi seemed particularly fond of smiling or wearing anything beyond business formalwear. That was where the similarities ended. Where Shinobu's striking red hair, sharp eyeliner, and unique ear piercings were, the man before them was entirely devoid of such personal touches. Beyond the etched lines in his face, the deep voice of disapproval, and a name...one he now called Shinobu but Sonia didn't recognize.

Wisely, she stayed silent yet steady through the brief conversation, until it dawned on her, her mouth softly gasping into a tiny 'o' of realization: it was the term...what was it, transition. Surely, without a doubt, it must have been the name Shinobu had been given at birth, before she decided to live life as who she truly was, Shinobu Yaguchi. Sonia inhaled sharply, her look of surprise now fixed into a pleasant expression. It was all she could do to hide how she really felt for her friend: angry on her behalf, sympathetic towards her. She seemed to favor her cosmetics and jewelry, and her name was hers, and her father...he seemed to disregard all of it, likely for the sake of the family and its image.

That, at least, she understood well: there was a look, a way of presenting one's self, that honored great families no matter where one resided in the world. But with those expectations also came with a certain confidence: Sonia had spent her life raised and socialized with many great men, or at least men whom, by birth or power or both, deemed themselves to be so. No amount of stern voice or narrowed eyes in her direction could make her stumble, or her straight posture falter. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir," She smiled up at him with a soft nod of her head before allowing Shinobu to pull her along, in her oversized samue and pink mary jane heels.

Once outside, they were greeted with several, slightly more pleasant comforts: the koi pond, the fish still swimming eagerly as if assuming Shinobu would be feeding them, and a black car with tinted windows parked in front of the Yaguchi home, a man in a black suit giving Sonia an apprehensive look at the state of her attire, and the state of her hand in Shinobu's as he waited by the rear door closest to the curb. "Well, I should take my leave before I get you into any more trouble," Sonia gave her an embarrassed smile. Shinobu was sharp: she likely would pick up on that Sonia had summoned her car from around the corner right before they'd made their way out of her room. "Thank you for your assistance today, Yaguchi-san, and for the samue and the books. I shall return them all as soon as I can. Once again, I am very sorry for interrupting your date."

The man cleared his throat, opening the door for Sonia. "We should be on our way back to school, Your Royal Highness," He spoke to Sonia in French, pointedly wanting to avoid conversation with Shinobu. The more he knew, the more the Royal Family could press the barebones staff in Japan just what had happened with Sonia's Italian designer dress and the scene in the movie theatre. "You should not be seen on the streets like this. It is unbecoming for the Princess."

"Very well, I understand. I will provide explanations for my parents if needed," She replied in French before moving to slide into the car. "Goodbye, Yaguchi-san. And thank you again," She gave her a smile, the warmest she could muster considering what she'd just witnessed between Shinobu and that man, and waved. Just as the man closed the door for her and jumped into the front passenger's seat, indicating for the driver to leave.

Sonia's declaration that they would take some photographs together would normally be the sort of pushy rhetoric that Shinobu found distasteful, but the way she said it was less adamant and more... something that they couldn't quite put their finger on. Either way, though she doubted that they would, in fact, take any pictures, she hated the idea less than she thought she would. "Mm. Perhaps so." To reject the idea from the outset was a step too far, sharp and cold for the sake of it. There was little point dwelling on it, any of it, longer than necessary, anyway.

That said, the notion that Sonia 'acceptable' favorites at odds with true favorites, although no great surprise, still elicited a gentle blink from the archer. That felt like a rather personal admission - the kind that one in Sonia's position would do well to keep to herself. Was she simply that sort of person, or had she reasoned that, if Shinobu had already seen her with soda stained in her hair, something as typical as a hobby wasn't worth being concerned about?Her thoughts lingering upon that point, she nearly missed that Sonia, like herself, was the type to hold many favorites. So they were alike in that way? It seemed to Shinobu that most people could name a favorite anything rather quickly, and that their own deliberations were the outlier. Kind of... unique, at least.

Concerned as she'd been in selecting her books, Shinobu hadn't immediately noticed Sonia's attire, but once she did, it warranted commentary. "It suits you remarkably well, Miss Nevermind," she murmured, perhaps looking for a moment too long. Clothing she normally disliked upon herself, recontextualized upon Sonia into something flattering and pleasant, even with requisite modifications allowing for their differences in size and build. "I imagine you'd wear Japanese clothing of all types well." Such as a kimono, or yukata. What might that be like, and what sort of colors or patterns would pair well with her complexion? It was the type of thought that one could think and overthink if allowed, so Shinobu did their best to shrug it off.

"And, the modifications are no issue. Even if it were damaged, it's hardly my only set. Please don't concern yourself with that." Thankfully, the conversation moved on from clothing, though Shinobu would perhaps wish it hadn't, given what followed. It was rare for someone to take interest in her books, and for all her thinking of Sonia's well-read nature, it had been her expectation that Sonia would nod politely, and perhaps say something like 'oh, that's interesting' without further comment. Instead, her genuine interest sparked some faint light behind Shinobu's crimson eyes.

"It's rather famous, isn't it? Even outside of Japan," she agreed, holding up Norwegian Wood. "At one point, I would have considered Murakami-sensei to be my favorite author, and though I think those days are over, it's undeniable that his work always provokes some kind of response." That was a strength of a great writer, she thought, that even their lesser-loved works would inspire some oppositional thought from a careful and devoted reader. "Although, I find his writing of women to often be a point of weakness."

Actually... Kneeling down to her library, she pulled something else off, a feathered bookmark protruding out from about two-thirds inward. "This is a transcription of a number of interviews between Murakami-sensei and Kawakami-sensei. I've yet to finish it, but Kawakami-sensei challenges him on that very point, and though his answers weren't satisfactory, to my mind, it's interesting to see a writer's process, even as it regards their failings." All things being equal, Shinobu preferred fiction to nonfiction, finding meaning in stories rather than the true lives of better people, but interviews such as these, especially when both parties were writers, captivated them.

Putting Norwegian Wood and the book of interviews back, she gathered up Summer Stories and Nevada together, pushing them across the bed towards Sonia once more. "If you're interested, I have no qualms about lending them to you. I should say, regarding American literature..." Shinobu paused, looking pensive and generally more expressive than usual as she considered her words. "My English is only passable, so I'm limited in my comprehension. Still, it's my impression that the popular American novels are often... rather underdeveloped, in order to appeal to the widest group of people. With such a large country, it's necessary for the greatest success."

Shinobu shrugged. That was her impression of Hollywood filmmaking often, as well. "But, with such a large population, and such diversity of experience, the outsider art from marginalized groups is something in which I often find value. When the stories convey such specificity, it feels to me as though those who can relate can feel truly understood, rather than flatly acknowledged, and even those who can't directly relate may come away with some additional empathy for an experience unlike their own." She really did love books, although awarded with precious few opportunities to speak about them. They lacked the experience, the wit, the creative spirit to write anything of their own, but even reading the works of others nurtured some small, underdeveloped piece of Shinobu Yaguchi.

It was embarrassing, she realized, to be so open about one's hobbies and interests, but there was no taking it back now. Best to simply express her regret for speaking at such length, and move on. "Not that you asked to hear such opinionated mumbling, Miss Nevermind. If anyone is to regret the time, it should be me. Though, another time, I'm curious of what favorites you might have." They waved a faintly dismissive hand. "And don't worry about the clothing, it's truly-"

Suddenly, they heard the front door close, loud, echoing. Mid-sentence, Shinobu froze, the sound of her heartbeat loud between her ears as the last seconds of silence ticked away, before, "〇〇!" To Shinobu's ears, it registered as gunfire through glass. Some screeching machinery, howling and wheezing with each mechanical lurch. A crooked edge dragged slowly across a mirror, that high-pitched whine that brought ears to bleeding, or the horrid gurgling of the most wretched of movie monsters. It was any and every loathsome thing except how it was intended: a name.

Shinobu's dark eyes shot to Sonia, all interest and enthusiasm having vanished from their face, replaced by a weary nothingness. "That will be my father," she explained, packing the offered books into Sonia's bag while careful not to disturb her rare merchandise. "Which means, I suppose, that you should be leaving." There was an urgency in the way she took Sonia's hand, not forceful or firm, but with purpose and intention beyond the thoughtless way she had before. "Just stand behind me." Surely Sonia, with her position, was no stranger to men of a certain temperament, but...

As Shinobu rounded the staircase, she saw her father standing in the entryway. Dressed in a collared shirt and a businessman's jacket, he might have given off the air of any other salaryman were it not for his bearing. Shinobu remembered his dark hair being long when she was younger, tied in a loose ponytail that she'd batted like a playful kitten while sitting behind him. After Masaru had left, her father had cut it, slightly longer than what might pass for conservative, with parted bangs that fell just past the tips of his ears. The speckled gray at his temples and the firm lines at the sides of his mouth and around his eyes - the same piercing red as Shinobu's own - lent a distinguished quality beyond what his forty-odd years might otherwise imply. Age had begun to diminish his build, the arms and legs that had once seemed like tree trunks thinning out, and the muscles across his back and shoulders that had once been as firm as mountain's peaks had begun to soften.

None of that did anything, in Shinobu's eyes, to diminish his overwhelming presence and aura. "〇〇," he repeated, a deeper voice that could have been pleasant were not every word said with such uncompromising rigidity, causing Shinobu to lower her gaze to the floor, unable to even look at him for too long. "Sensei," she murmured. "Go wash your face, and take those hideous things out of your ears. You know I despise seeing you look like that." Her makeup. Her earrings. Everything about her so wretched and loathsome, except for her ability to win medals and trophies. They were nothing. No one. An empty vessel to be filled up with only the dojo's ambitions.

Then, "who is she?" Suddenly, Shinobu snapped back to attention, shifting slightly in front of Sonia further. "A classmate of mine. She was just leaving." Still clasping her hand, Shinobu nodded past her father, towards the door. "I'll escort her out, and then I'll change right away." They didn't want Sonia to see or hear what was surely coming next. "I'll make it quick." That would be enough. If the sight of Shinobu so disgusted her father, he'd rather she not waste time bu talking, instead of taking Sonia out and fixing her appearance. And yet, her father didn't move from his position in the entryway, his sharp gaze moving past Shinobu for only a moment, long enough to appraise Sonia. She'd rather he yell. The silence was seldom a good sign.

[yuzusorbet]

Continuing Kikuchi-sensei's book 'Strongly, beautifully,....'

[some parts are left out or summarised] 

Chapter 4 - Calm the heart, face the tension

4.1  Pain is energy source (main point: Yuzuru treats pain and pressure as a source of strength, and adversity as an opportunity for growth.)

4.2  Say out your dreams (main point: from a young age, Yuzuru has been very frank and tells the media exactly what he wants to achieve.  It is one way in which he pushes himself to achieve the dreams that he has spoken about.)

The above 2 aspects of Yuzu's character are well known to fans, so I won't translate these parts for now.  Will come back to them later.

But I summarise here another point in Part 4.1 because it will be mentioned in 4.3. (The original Japanese was like a biology lesson, haha) :  Yuzuru has a well-regulated autonomic nervous system.  This system has two parts: the sympathetic nervous system which is like the accelerator of a car, and the parasympathetic nervous system which is like the brakes of a car. These 2 parts are in very good balance in Yuzuru.   (t/n. In English, we often say one system is in charge of "fight or flight" and the other is for "rest and digest".)

4.3  A smile calms the heart/mind

Yuzuru is warm and friendly and has an incredible power to charm the people around him.  This is probably because that child expresses his feelings to everyone, no matter who the person is.  Especially when he makes a request with his lovable smiling face, you will end up thinking, "Ah~  there's no other way, I will do it."

Yuzuru smiles a lot.  Even during warming-up, when his condition is good, he is often smiling.  Before a competition, anyone would be nervous.  Moreover, performing in front of such a large number of people, it would be strange if one is not nervous.  In such a situation, perhaps Yuzuru naturally smiles to calm his heart and mind.

Speaking of this, 'Team Yuzuru' was united as one to give support to achieving Yuzuru's dream, I think this is deeply connected with Yuzuru's smile.  'Team Yuzuru'  refers to the coaches who support Yuzuru, the choreographers, the people of JSF, the staff who takes care of his meals, and I was also a part of this team.

I felt comfortable working in 'Team Yuzuru';  the atmosphere was very good. There was nothing of the sort where each member was just thinking "I, myself".  Of course, Yuzuru is the most important.  But everyone also paid attention to the needs of other staff.  At PyeongChang Olympics, when I was not feeling well, they were all concerned and asked me questions like "Sensei, are you taking enough nutrition?" and "Do you have a fever?"

I think that Yuzuru's smile is the backdrop of 'Team Yuzuru' being so well unified.  Smiling not only helps with your own autonomic nervous system, it also has the effect of relieving tension in the people around you and making the mood calm and peaceful.

Yuzuru before a performance has a very stern face, but once the performance is over, he is relieved and smiles.  His face is completely changed.

After the performance, he bows to thank the fans and he is bathed in the Pooh-shower.  At this time, in his autonomic nervous system, the "fight mode" sympathetic nervous system sits back, and the "relax mode" parasympathetic nervous system is activated.   I think the 'on' and 'off' switch for that is Yuzuru's smile.

(I love the above photo of part of 'Team Yuzuru' with beautiful smiles.  Photo credit: marked on pic, much thanks to the photographer.)

-------------

Important note: When you see my translation as 'heart/mind' and sometimes just 'heart', the original word in Japanese is 'kokoro' 「心」.  This is the kanji for 'heart' but it means "heart, mind, spirit, mentality, emotions, soul".  I found this article that explains a bit more: “Kokoro is well understood in Japanese, but difficult to explain in English,” says Yoshikawa Sakiko, director of Kyoto University’s Kokoro Research Center. Conceptually, it unites the notions of heart, mind, and spirit: It sees these three elements as being indivisible from one other. [.......] One of the problems of discussing kokoro in English is that by linking words—heart and spirit and mind—with “and,” we imply divisions that simply don’t exist in Japanese. But in this Eastern culture, the three aren’t intrinsically linked as one: They are one. https://qz.com/946438/kokoro-a-japanese-word-connecting-mind-body-and-spirit-is-also-driving-scientific-discovery/

------------

4.4  Feelings of gratitude calm the heart/mind

"Before a competition, I always do my best to tidy up my hotel room."  Yuzuru has said this before, at a press conference.

And for sure, on trips abroad, whenever I go to Yuzuru's room in the hotel,  I am impressed that it is always kept clean and tidy.  His luggage is also always neat. When going for a competition, he always makes his bed before leaving the room.

It has been said, that just keeping things tidy around you has an effect on regulating the balance of your autonomic nervous system.  It seems that a person who keeps his room and things in order is also good at keeping his heart/mind in order.

So in that way, some things that Yuzuru naturally does, is actually regulating his own heart/mind.

Skating with the support of many people---.  Yuzuru is very conscious of this, and so he never forgets to be grateful.

Even though he has accomplished so many great achievements, there is not a single bit of arrogance in his attitude towards others.  To me, after each treatment, "arigatou-gozaimashita" he always thanks me politely.  To his parents and to any staff too, words of thanks come naturally out  of his mouth. To the rink of course, but also when he leaves the warm-up area, he lowers his head to that space.  To his fans, his skate boots, his own legs.....  To everything, he holds feelings of gratitude.  And he says, "Thank you."

"Thank you", just saying these words, a neurotransmitter called dopamine is released in the brain.  This dopamine is also called the "happy hormone"  and the "hormone that creates the enthusiasm for living".   When a lot of dopamine is released, it gives positive energy and also raises the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system.

Translated by me from Akira Kikuchi-sensei's book https://www.amazon.co.jp/%E5%BC%B7%E%…  (please consider buying it to show support)