#thank you so much!! dickinson is maybe my favorite thing in the world to talk about

[donttxtathebeach]

masterlist

|previous| next|

variety

Liked by yn.nolan, drewstarkey, ellefanning, and 67.7K others

Variety's #ActorsOnActors, photographed by @alexilubomirski.

Watch their full conversation at the link in bio.

drewynlover OH, MY GOSH

user wait, I thought she was doing her's with Harrison?

varitey we realized that because they are ex's, maybe we should have two people that are not as close. if you pick up what we were putting down.

user HARRIS AND YN DATED

user Yeah, a while back after she did the blackcoats daughter, they are still quite close

user guys, they figured us out 😔

user we were supposed to keep this under wraps, not out in the open 🤦🏽‍♀️

ynolan_updates I’m in shock; it was so good.

rafecam the way he consistently made sure she felt comfortable and safe the whole time I can’t take all of this

user HE KEPT CALLING HER BABY AND HONEY

user she called him love user I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…. she calls everyone love. user let me just have this one thing, ohmgeeeee

y n.nolan thank you for having me; it’s always a pleasure 📌

variety pinned this comment

drewstarkey

Liked by yn.nolan,brooke_starkey, madelyncline, and 60.9K others

drewstarkey Thank you so much, @variety, for having me. It was truly an honor to get to sit and talk with that beautiful @yn.nolan

View Comments:

brooke_starkey how does it feel to live my dream, @drewstarkey. She and I are best friends in my head.

yn.nolan @brooke_starkey You’re absolutely stunning. Next time I’m in New York, I’ll reach out to you, takeyou and to one of my favorite bars, my treat!

brooke_starkey oh my gosh, i would love that so so much

yn.nolan I'll get your number from drew

drewstarkey How do I dislike an Instagram comment? I do not intend to share you with my sister.

yn.nolan relax Drew, it's not like were dating

drewstarkey in my head were married

this comment has been deleted

user HELPPP he is so down already

yn.nolan truly loved getting to know you a little better, even if it was on camea.

drewstarkey don't worry, honey, you and i will spend a lot more time together

yn.nolan is that so starkey?

drewstarkey its not everyday you get to speak with Hollywod's most beautiful girl; I sure as hell would be crazy not to hang out with you.

yn.nolan you flatter me

user GUYSSSSS IT'S HAPPENING user again we have to act like we don't see it keep it on the dl

user yeah, you tell them

drewstarkey keep what on the dl

yn.nolan i would like to know aswell

user oh, look is that @sabrinacarpenter

sabrinacarpenter I have been summoned

yn.nolan Sab Babes, I Miss You

sabrinacarpenter hi baby love

ellefanning Not you acting like she is your best friend in the whole world... thats my place.

yn.nolan ella bean, this is not what it looks like

drewstarkey @sabrinacarpenter grab the popcorn

sabrinacarpenter i am one step ahead of you, @drewstarkey

user I have no one to talk to about this. Oh my gosh

yn.nolan

liked by dreystarkey, madelyncine,ellefanning,and 17M others

yn.nolan @variety Thank you for such an amazing opportunity, and @drewstarkey, thank you, love, for being such a grounding presence. Our actors on actors interview is now yours!

view comments

drewstarkey The pleasure was all mine, baby.

yn.nolan drew, im going to block you.

drewstarkey no, your not honey

yn.nolan @ellefanning help

ellefanning @yn.nolan you are on your own here, baby.

user not trying to tame him

user AHHHH they look so so good

user i don't know if i want him or her

dualipa you stunning little flower

yn.nolan love you, dua

user im so excited to see them all in a movie together

harrisdickinson your absolutly stunning darling

yn.nolan keep it away from me, Dickinson; we already tried this

harrisdickinson yn why this is awkward... i was taking about @drewstarkey

yn.nolan 🧍🏻‍♀️oh then proceed as you were

haileybieber gorgeous, gorgeous girl

yn.nolan 😚💋

user YN FOR RHODE

halieybieber 🙂

user WAIT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

user I love her so much

yn.nolan_updates oh we’re about to get fed

user oh my gosh, you’re right Anora press tour

madelyncline goregeous gorgeous girl

yn.nolan have you seen yourself?

carlicagrant stunner

y/n's phone

|previous| next|

[boyfhee]

i woke up, went on tumblr.com like one does, and the first thing i see is “to you, with love” reblogged for me. 

so i closed the app. screamed a bit into a pillow. and came back to write this.

THE THING IS.. i read that work, im pretty sure i even left an ask but it was more shy, timid (?)in a sense - “thank u, this was beautiful ,i cried.”cuz i was overwhelmed lol <- the lol is to make is seem more causal as if my heart didnt feel like it was punched ^^

but i remember vividly going through heeseung hashtag and seeing this for the first time.. and the title was cute, i was like “oh fluff”. i had not read the genre or warnings notes before diving into it….

so u can imagine my reaction to this sentence…

“however, heeseung’s death changed that for you.” BTW  ofc the best time to read angst its dead into the night with taylor swift playing on my headphones :>

if i remember correctly, you deleted it (?) and then posted it again? i read it the very first time it was uploaded. this might have been a changing point cuz i didn't read angst.. not in it full potential like that before this and know im knees deep 

i finished reading it. and time kinda froze. the concept of hearing the voice of the love of your life. when things were good, were fine. i wept. BUT hearing them talk about what future could hold for both of u? knowing what u know now? literally curled with my phone in my hand and bawled my eyes out

promises… the forever heartbreaking factor of life.. what are they? meant to be broken or kept.. maybe neither.. i hate them… they give false hope for those who long and yearn to be reassure and make u believe that a single person could hold such a power over the universe… well, heeseung certainly couldn't.. no matter how genuinely his heart was beating while he said “forever”

wow, im in my feels again, i just loved it, truly loved it and cherished it for so long, in my own little world with spiraling thoughts about this, 

thank u thank u thank u  thank u!!!!!!!!!!! ur works mean the world to me

im sorry for making u sad with my ask, but i cant help it :] u made me feel too much !!!!!!!!!!

i loved the poem. the flashbacks from the fic hit me like a truck. whats ur favorite poem? ^^ i would love to read some if u have a recommendation

thanks for the little career stuff note, i appreciate it a lot truly

thank u in general, ure the coolest writer,  love u too 

ps. hee angst ?? i might die tho

                                               - > swift anonie ♡♡♡

ANON MAY I INTEREST YOU IN ANOTHER THOUGHT I HAD . about 'to you, my love' being set after 'if lovesick was a person' 😁😁 IT FITS SO WELL im so devastated actually . and that's why they tell u to read the warnings but who am i to say bc i straight up jump to the content ( i like surprises ) also i didn't delete it, my brother deleted my whole acc before i remade under the same user and reposted it 😭 oh but im so honoured that was the beginning of your angst reading arc, you should not be missing out on such a genre

and ur thoughts on promises, umm i can't say you're all wrong but i think they can serve as a driving force to do something? like some sort of motivation, or a reason idk . obvs, not saying that empty promises should be made. actually i dont have any opinion here, head empty. please never apologise for sending sad asks or wtv, i enjoy reading ur thought processes ure really really cool 🫵💗 as for poem recs hmm; i wandered lonely as a cloud by willian wordsworth, cadabianca by felicia dorothea hemans, la belle dame sams merci by john keats, rain before dawn, on a play twice seen and marching streets by fitzgerlad ( anything by him and emily dickinson is worth reading ) that's all i have on the top of my head

and no, thank u for taking ur time to write these asks, you're even cooler than me fr ☝️

[brechtian]

what is your favorite line from an Emily Dickinson Poem? I am personally a big fan of "I dwell in possibility"

It's really difficult for me to choose one line; it's rare something has greater significance separated from its whole as opposed to part of it. With that said, "Creator - Shall I - Bloom?" and "She's "sorry I am dead" - again -" are both lines that knock me out on their own (from God Made a Little Gentian and I Cried at Pity Not at Pain, respectively).

I know you said poem, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite Dickinson line of all time, from a letter to Sue Huntington. "I have thought of it all day, Susie, and I fear of but little else, and when I was gone to meeting it filled my mind so full, I could not find a chink to put the worthy pastor; when he said 'Our Heavenly Father,' I said 'Oh Darling Sue'; when he read the 100th Psalm, I kept saying your precious letter all over to myself"

[wrestlingisfake]

Best in the World preview

After getting confused about MLW Battle Riot, now I feel like I have to check to make sure all these shows are actually available to watch live!

Best in the World is $29.99 on Fite.tv, or $14.99 for Honor Club members, or free for Honor Club VIP members. (HonorClub is really only worth signing up for if you're already going hard for ROH.) The pre-show starts at 7pm EDT, and the main show begins at 8pm EDT.

Rush vs. Bandido - Bandido won the Survival of the Fittest tournament for the right to challenge Rush here for the ROH world title. Rush won the belt for the second time in February 2020 and, thanks to the pandemic, has only defended it three times since then. But this show kicks of Ring of Honor's return to live crowds, so maybe now we can get back to normal. This is the company's big chance to get the Rush era back on track, or to turn the page and start a new era with Bandido.

There really isn't anyone else like Rush in ROH. He just clobbers dudes, wins all the time, and looks like a star. He's not exactly Brock Lesnar, but he has an aura that makes him feel like he should be in a bigger company, and no one on this roster can carry his jock. I would figure the plan is to set up a rising young star to finally figure out how to beat this guy. Bandido would make sense in that role, but it's anyone's guess if that's the plan for him.

AEW wanted very badly to sign Bandido in early 2019, but he went with ROH instead because at the time no one knew if AEW was actually going to work. That gave ROH a huge opportunity to build their future around a top prospect AEW wanted but couldn't get. Instead Bandido spent the past few years lost in the shuffle with Lifeblood and the Mexisquad. I really feel like ROH dropped the ball with this guy. The fact he's suddenly on top now doesn't totally make up for that.

It's tough to pick a winner here. Rush is the logical favorite, but ROH might want to shake things up as they go back to doing shows in front of live crowds. An upset win for Bandido would create a lot of options for fresh title matches at upcoming shows. But if Rush retains, ROH will have the same problem Smackdown is having with Roman Reigns--how do you convince the audience that anyone is left that can beat this guy?

Jonathan Gresham vs. Mike Bennett - Bennett won a seven-man gauntlet to earn this match for Gresham's ROH pure championship. This title is contested under "pure wrestling rules," which basically limit rope breaks and add tighter restrictions on punches to the face and outside interference. Gresham is an expert at this type of match, whereas Bennett is new to the format.

Bennett (along with his wife Maria Kanellis) was a mainstay in ROH, and then had a decent little run in Impact before going to WWE as "Mike Kanellis." Everything went wrong with that WWE run, but at least that's led to Bennett receiving a lot of sympathy from fans as he picks himself up and keeps going. Since returning to ROH, Bennett has mainly been supporting Matt Taven in his feud. So this is an interesting way to get him spun off into his own thing.

The pure rules stuff doesn't do a lot for me, but I like the idea of a styles clash where one guy is completely out of his element. Gresham should wrestle rings around Bennett, but Bennett should be so tenacious that Gresham can't quite put him away. It wouldn't hurt Bennett to lose, although a Bennett title win would probably be such an insult to Gresham's pride that it could set up an intense long-term rivalry.

Honestly my main interest in this match is that I recently listened to a WARHORSE interview where he said he almost quit wrestling but Mike Bennett talked him out of it. So Bennett seems like a cool guy and I'm pulling for him.

Jay Lethal vs. Brody King - Back in March, King disrupted the feud between The Foundation and Los Faccion Ingobernable by introducing his own stable called Violence Unlimited. That's pretty much all there is to this match--it's just a Foundation guy and a VU guy facing off in the latest round of a three-way war.

It stands to reason that the winner of this match would move on to start something with LFI's leader, Rush. So unofficially this feels like a match to decide the next contender for the world title. However, Rush already defended the title against King in December and Lethal in February. So I don't know, maybe these two will just clobber each other and it won't matter who wins. That's how a lot of ROH matches feel to me, honestly.

Tracy Williams & Rhett Titus vs. Homicide & Chris Dickinson - Williams and Titus (of the Foundation) are defending the ROH tag team title. The challengers are representing Violence Unlimited. Dickinson came to ROH by way of teaming with Brody King on NJPW Strong, so he made good sense in King's ROH faction. Homicide was at the very first ROH show in 2002; before aligning with VU, it had been seven years since he appeared in the promotion.

This is another match where I can't get a feel for where things are headed, and I'm not sure it makes much difference. I guess my gut says they should put the title on the new team to get them over.

Tony Deppen vs. Dragon Lee - An injury forced Lee to vacate the ROH television title, which Tracy Williams won for the Foundation, who lost it to Violence Unlimited's Deppen, and now Lee wants to get it back for Los Faccion Ingobernable. Once again, I'm not sure it matters which guy ends up with the belt, but I'll go with Lee to win since the injury situation probably messed up their plans.

Shane Taylor & Moses & Kaun vs. Dalton Castle & Dak Draper & Eli Isom - Shane Taylor Promotions is defending the ROH trios title. Castle has been doing this weird passive-aggressive thing with Draper and Isom, so his latest move is to arrange this title shot behind their backs. It might be interesting to put the title on three guys who want championships but not with each other. But I'm fairly confident this just ends with Castle's team falling apart because he's a dick.

EC3 vs. Flip Gordon - When EC3 started here as a heel, he recruited Flip to help him fight Jay and Mark Briscoe; later as EC3 went babyface, he took exception to Gordon's cheating tactics. So now Flip is the target of all the weird cryptic multimedia presentations that EC3 likes to do for his opponents.

Flip used to be a beloved babyface, and it was just mildly amusing that he was a flat-earther in real life. Then he turned heel, and then he caught heat for complaining about face masks during the pandemic. So I'm pretty sure any goodwill Gordon had with the fans is gone by now. I don't see much upside in giving him the win now; pushing EC3 is the better bet for ROH.

Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe vs. PJ Black & Brian Johnson - I guess the Briscoes were having some issues but they've worked them out, so they're back in the hunt for the tag team title. Meanwhile Johnson seems to be getting frustrated under the mentorship of Black, and they're regrouping by making their own tag title run. Presumably the story of the match is that both teams want to be back on the same page, but only one of them really is. Pretty sure the Briscoes win this one.

Josh Woods vs. Silas Young - This is a "last man standing" match, so the match can only end when one participant is on the ground and cannot stand up again before the referee's ten-count.

Woods became Young's protege all the way back in September 2019, forming a tag team called, uh, "2 Guys 1 Tag." Right from the start I didn't expect that to last very long. But as it happened, what with the pandemic and all, Young didn't turn on Woods until March 2021.

You'd assume the point of all this would be to have Young put Woods over and establish Woods as a rising star for ROH's future. But it feels like every time ROH sets up something like this, they have the bitter old bully win to get heat. By the time they set up a rematch for the face to finally get vindication, I've usually given up and lost interest, which defeats the purpose of dragging the story out so long.

Demonic Flamita vs. Rey Horus - This is scheduled for the pre-show. Flamita, Horus, and Bandido were all in a trio called Mexisquad up until Flamita snapped and turned on the other two. Now he's "Demonic Flamita." I'm guessing the idea here is to give Flamita an impressive victory here to build up Bandido vs. Flamita to be a bigger deal.

PCO & Danhausen vs. The Beer City Bruiser & Brawler Milonas - This is also scheduled for the pre-show. PCO is basically a wrestling Frankenstein monster, but he's also Qubecer Pierre from the WWF in 1993, which still blows my mind. Danhausen is sort of like if Conan O'Brien played a character on What We Do In The Shadows. I like the idea of these two teaming up, and I hope it goes somewhere beyond prelim matches. I think the Bouncers (Bruiser and Milonas) turned heel when I wasn't paying attention, but that wouldn't be hard since I never pay attention to them. They should be easy pickings for PCOhausen.

[likeshipsonthesea]

post script poetry

okay i’m going to preface this with a lot of rambling so buckle up my dudes

i started this i don’t know how long ago when i saw a post about how fun it would be if dex ended up being the one to wax poetic about nursey and i saw it and thought the only way that would happen would be by accident, like if he was complaining and started getting mushy

so i wrote this. like, half of this. and then tonight i found it and i liked it and finished it. so here you go. and yes, i did this instead of fulfilling the hozier prompts. sorry not sorry?

Hey Lardo,

I attached my schedule for the week of the 15th. Depending on how long you need me, I can also work this week. I know the sculpture doesn’t have to be done until the end of the month, but I also know how you get close to a deadline. Let me know if any of the free times work for you-- if not, we’ll figure something out.

Dex

P.S. I was going to text this, but since I’m typing I might as well tell you that there’s a horrifying new regular at the café. Every time he comes in he orders something so convoluted and complicated that he has to be fucking with me, and the drinks are so damn sweet he must need to see a dentist every weekend. He walks in with this stupid fucking smirk on his face too, like he derives joy from ruining a perfectly nice--okay well not nice but I’m perfectly civil to customers at least-- barista’s day.

He’s come in consistently for three weeks now. Pray for me.

P.P.S. Did I mention that he’s taken to sitting at a table with nothing but his stupid sweet drinks and a journal for hours on end? Sometimes he’ll buy a muffin and try to talk to me, like I’m not fucking working. Asshole.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

5 on Wednesday works for me. Should I bring anything aside from the regular tools?

Dex

P.S. It doesn’t matter if he’s attractive but since you asked, yes, but only in the way that statues are attractive. They’re carved and perfected and gorgeous, yeah, but when you look at them you’re admiring it, idolizing it-- your own inferiority is entangled in the attraction.

P.P.S. And no, I’m not telling you his name.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

Sorry to hear about the issues with the sculpture. The earliest I can come for emergency repairs would be tomorrow after work. Hope it holds together until then.

Sorry,

Dex

P.S. This seems to be a theme in our emails, but I’m mentioning this only because it literally just happened. The horrible regular was just here in a sweater and jeans. A sweater and jeans. It’s fucking snowing. Below freezing, high teens, stupid kind of cold, and the guy left his jacket home for what? To show the world how pretty he looks in that sweater? The asshole probably looked in the mirror and thought that people noticing how the green in the sweater enhanced the fucking tree top, sea-glass shiny green of his own eyes was more important than not getting frost bite. And he looked so fucking proud of himself too, smiling all big and wide and stupid like his lips weren’t chattering! And then he stayed in the shop forever, obviously, because he can’t go out in the cold wearing nothing and he just sat there and wrote in his stupid journal and looked over at me with his fucking budding-leaves-at-the-beginning-of-spring eyes like he knew how infuriating he was. That kind of stupidity just pisses me off.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

Was going through my messages and saw the last thread. How are the repairs holding up?

Dex

P.S. Shut up.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Glad the emergency repairs are holding. The piece looks great so far, I can’t wait to see the finished product at the end of term.

Dex

P.S. I’m not going to fuck an asshole just because he’s pretty.

P.P.S. Don’t bring up the LAX bro.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

My phone crapped out in the middle of a shift so I’ll be communicating via email for the next few days. I’ve got a bunch of leftover muffins from work. Want me to drop by the studio on the way home?

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

I’ll grab all the banana nut and any double chocolates that look good. See you soon.

Dex

P.S. Just because we’re on email doesn’t mean you have to ask about my horrible regular. But yes, to answer your question, he is still a regular and maybe a little less horrible, thank God.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Okay, I’ll get some blueberry ones for Shitty too.

Dex

P.S. Well, he’s less horrible because his orders-- while still stupidly complicated and overly fucking sweet-- have narrowed down to one of two options, so I know what they are now. When he lists off all of the stupid steps, I can just ignore him and stare at nothing, or how he gestures with his hands when he speaks and barely avoids knocking over the tip jar. I guess it’s nice that he talks with his hands, though, because sometimes when he’s sitting at a table and writing his hands start shaking and I much prefer the gesturing to that.

Also he seems to have decided to wear a coat for the foreseeable future, and even if it’s this deep green pea coat that probably cost more than what I make in a month, it looks good on him-- aesthetics and functionality, at least he’s compromising. It’s like cut or whatever, so you can still see the line of his waist, tight to his chest and everything. And he has a matching beanie that doesn’t seem that warm, but he tugs it down just over the tips of his ears and a few of his curls above his forehead poke out of it, all soft looking and stuff. He still needs gloves though.

But, I guess, overall he’s less horrible.

*~*~*

Lardo,

The sculpture looks great! And with the deadline still a week away you have a bunch of time to do all your last little nit-picky things.

Dex

P.S. Okay reading over that last post-script I do sound a little mushy, but in my defense I was coming off a double shift and I’d had a big deadline for CS the night before and I definitely wasn’t all there. This cannot be held against me.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Just because you put it in the P.S. doesn’t make it okay. I am not In Love with anyone, especially not the guy who writes poetry on the twenties he leaves in the tip jar.

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

Why does that matter?

Dex

*~*~*

FINE some of it was other people’s stuff-- I googled it and some were Emily Dickinson I think? Some of the lines didn’t return anything, so I guess they were original? Anyway it doesn’t matter-- he’s defacing money.

Dex

*~*~*

Your idea of romantic is weird.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

I can’t get my phone fixed until Sunday, but I wanted to double check that your show is on Saturday at 7:00PM?

Thanks,

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

Thanks for clarifying.

Dex

P.S. Actually yeah, I guess there was an update, or whatever.

So he came in with a book last night, late. Not a lot of people come by the cafe at night, obviously, so it was just me and him, and he was there for a while but then we were closing. I went over to tell him we were closing in a few minutes and he asked if I’d sit with him for a few minutes and, well, he’s a nice tipper, so whatever. I did.

And then-- I shit you not-- he started reading me poetry. Actually. Just started reading poetry to me out of nowhere. He’d gesture with his notebook as he did it, his eyes were all lit up like treetops at sunrise or something and his voice just filled up the whole shop, like it was bouncing off the walls and going through me and shit, like he was trying to make me listen in my soul or something. And, like, I’m shit at poetry and I didn’t really get what it was supposed to be, but you know when you hear a song and even without really hearing the lyrics it makes you feel some kind of way? That’s what it did.

Then he stopped reading and asked me what I thought and I couldn’t just say that it made me feel things so I said that the guy in the poem sounded kind of obsessed, and then the guy-- the regular-- laughed, like a full bodied laugh, his eyes crinkled and his shoulders shook and he tucked the notebook against his chest, against his heart, and laughed in public, in front of a stranger, like it wasn’t weird. And you know when something good happens? Something unexpectedly good? Your favorite song comes on the radio or you find a random twenty in your pocket or you catch the sunset on your walk home and its pretty and warm and just makes you smile and think, huh, I’m glad I get to be here for that.

That’s what his laugh felt like. I know it’s fucking sappy but it’s the only way I can come up with to describe it.

Anyway. See you Saturday.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Yeah.

I’m fucked.

Dex

*~*~*

Hey, fuck, I’m so sorry about last night. My phone is still fucked up otherwise I’d call you but your friend-- the one in your painting, Nursey-- he’s my horrible regular.

Small campus, huh?

He was a little drunk-- he kept drinking the champagne for some reason, I think it was to stop his hands shaking, I don’t know-- but I didn’t want to just send him off alone so I helped him back to his dorm and as I was taking off his shoes he kept reciting poetry or whatever and he was drunk, yeah, but he said it so nicely and he kept looking at me with his ridiculous eyes and then he touched my cheek-- like actually fucking caressed my cheek-- and I kissed him.

And I know he was drunk, I tasted the champagne when I kissed him, and I felt horrible and I ran out of his dorm and-- then I fell asleep and woke up and wrote this email.

So, I probably fucked up beyond repair and if you need me I will be kicking myself for the next fifty years. Thanks, goodbye.

Dex

P.S. I forgot to say-- the show looked great. The sculpture, the art, everything. You’re amazing, dude.

*~*~*

Thanks for his number, but I can’t just call the guy out of the blue and say, “Hey, sorry for kissing you when you were all drunk, won’t happen again, please keep tipping me?”

Also, I still don’t have a working phone.

*~*~*

That’ss the problem with falling in love with a stranger, youknow? Like, I never mett the guy really, I just made his stupid sweet coffee drinks and listened to his poetry that one time and stared too much when he talked with his hands and at his stupid eyebrows-- how do eyebrows look soft?? It makes no sense

And he’s beautiful, you know, like can’t stare too long or you’ll go blind, and I felt like he was a good person youknow, an asshole but good, the kind you want. And I could feel it he would probably argue with me over everything but I think I could likee that, like arguing, at least with him, because I know it wouldn’t be out of anger or whatever, he would be coming from a place of understanding or shared values or whatever

and i fucking KNOW that I can’t know all this frm looking at him, but he had his stupidd fucking g journal that he scrippled in all the time and his hadsn were covered in ink with notes to himself and I want to be the person who egts to listen to his poetry at 2 in the morning and watch him ramble about things he loves and tell him how fucking good his writing is because it IS lardo it’s so good, he’s so good, i never spent any of those twenties witb his writing on it i hung them in my dorm isnt’ that fucking stupid god i love him, i love him and I don’t even know him

Love scuks.

P..S yeah, if you couldnt tell, i’m a little drunk. oops

*~*~*

Dear Lardo,

It’s very rude to forward drunken, rambling emails about someone to that someone without the consent of the drunken rambler.

Dex

P.S. Thank you.

[myheartrevealed]

Tag Game

@myriadimagines and @libraryoffandomsuniverse both tagged me in this a while ago and it took me forever to come up with all the answers. Thank you loves!!!

Sam’s Questions:

What’s something you’re looking forward to? Tomorrow I’m having a zoom meeting with my choir for the first time since the shelter in place was put into effect! I really miss them and I’m excited to hear from them again!

If you could have any animal in the world as a talking companion (like in His Dark Materials), what animal would you choose? An owl. I just love them, man

What was the last movie you cried to? Little Women, I think? It’s been a while since a movie got a good cry out of me

What’s a song you’ve had on repeat lately? CaliforM.I.A from Black Friday or If I Ever Fall In Love (the Pentatonix version)

If you could bring one fictional character that’s been killed off back to life, who would it be? Hmm... Nymphadora Tonks from the Harry Potter series? She was such an icon and her son was alive for like... a day before he became an orphan. That sucks

Can you play any instruments? If not, what instruments have you always wanted to play? I used to play piano! I went to lessons for many years as a kid, but eventually I fell out of it and now I’d say my skills are very, very basic.

If you could give yourself another name, what name would you choose? Oof. I really like androgynous names like Parker, Charlie, Skylar, etc.

What’s a skill you wish you could instantly master? Programming. I’m in a comp sci class and I want to major in it in college, but I’m mentally exhausted after every class. I don’t think I’d survive... and I only have a month to decide what my major is

What would you rather explore, the deep sea or outer space? Outer space. The sea is amazing and we should totally explore it, but it’s also terrifying and has a whole lot of NOPE in it. So, I’ll leave that to someone braver than me and go to space instead

Despite 2020 being a shitshow so far, what’s one good thing that’s happened to you this year? I’ve gotten accepted into almost all the colleges I’ve applied to and I’m starting to feel comfortable in my plans for the future!

Libraryoffandomsuniverse’s Questions:

What’s your favourite time of the day? The evening! Everything’s settled down and I’m in a good headspace (usually)

What’s a movie/book that had a big impact on you as a kid? The Percy Jackson series (as many kids do) I wasn’t really interested in reading on my own time before that. My teacher read us the first few chapters of the Lightning Thief before the end of 5th grade and I was so hooked. I had to finish the book, then read the rest, then read them again with my mom so we could talk about them, then learn everything about Greek mythology so I could act all smart

What’s your favourite item of clothing? Hm... like one that I personally have or just an article of clothing. I really like sweaters. I have one from Hot Topic with a banishing sigil on the front and angel wings on the back from Supernatural. I also just remembered a pair of loose pants (I don’t know what to call them. They’re not pajamas I don’t think, but they’re soft and loose like pajamas. Not something you wear out of the house anyway... lounge pants maybe?) that my aunt got me a long time ago and I forgot how much I loved to where them. So yeah... sweaters and lounge pants.

If you could go anywhere for a holiday, where would you go? I’d love to see a show on Broadway sometime in my life. But other than that, I’m not a huge travel person

Favourite flower and gemstone? I love me some white roses. Those are the best. And purple’s my favorite color so for gemstone probably amethyst. But a lot of gemstones (and flowers for that matter) are beautiful so I could easily change my mind.

Favourite dessert? Is it basic if I say ice cream? I have celiac, so all the cakes and cookies I’ve had in my life have been flourless or made with almond flour or something. Point being: a lot of my friends and family say that the desserts I get are  “strange”,  “different”, and “can’t compare” to the regular stuff. Ice cream is just a classic and it makes me feel good to know that it’s common

What’s a genre you’ve always wanted to write, but haven’t had a chance to yet? I’d love to write mystery! I’m planning to study forensic science next year and I love me some problem solving. The only issue is that I’m so bad at outlining and planning ahead that a mystery story would be a LOT of commitment for me.

Grab the book closest to you and turn to page 63. What’s the first sentence? “While I watched the tempest, so beautiful yet terrific, I wandered on with a hasty step.” -Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

Which fictional universe would you travel to if you had the chance? The Mortal Instruments universe. I really like the idea of Shadowhunters, although it’s been a hot minute since I read the books so I might have some regrets

What’s your favourite poem/poet? Oof. I don’t know a lot of poetry. “Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost really stuck with me after reading the Outsiders. Similarly, I sang a song comprised of the lines from an Emily Dickinson poem called “I Hide Myself” which I really liked

[what-stop-the-presses-rly-means]

Hello! May I get a Newsies ship, if it's not too much trouble? I'm nonbinary and attracted to guys. I'm about 5'2, with light skin, freckles across my nose, dark green eyes, and messy brown hair. I'm very loyal, a little stubborn, and I love my friends! I like baking, petting cats, sunshine, and drawing. If anyone tries to hurt my friends, I won't hesitate to hit them in the shins with a well-placed crutch. Thank you!

Crutchie, is that you??

(Also, you're so polite, I love you! ❤)

I ship you with Davey!

He would see you and think you were just the cutest person ever. But being Davey, he'd be all shy and flustered about it. It would probably take Jack joking that he was gonna snatch you up first for him to suck it up and talk to you

And once he does, he is so enamored by you. You bring a little light into his hectic, anxiety-inducing life. If he's ever feeling stressed all he has to do is look at your smiling face or talk with you about anything and everything and he's back to normal

He's such a tall boy so the height difference can get pretty amusing. Race gives you guys so much shit for it but Davey loves it. You're the perfect height for him to hug you from behind and rest his chin on your head. Aw cute!

He loves how loyal you are. His friends/family are the most important things in his life and seeing you share that feeling makes him so happy. And if someone ever messes with your friends and he sees you all ready to throw down, it makes him beam with pride (and it also kinda gets his motor running if you know what I'm saying)

Sometimes you guys will be walking and he'll stop to tie his shoe or talk to someone and when he turns around you'll be gone. As stated before, he's an anxious boy, so he'll start to panic, looking everywhere for you. 9/10 you'll be in some alleyway petting a stray cat. He just lets out a sigh of relief and smiles at you

Davey can't bake to save his life but he's willing to learn if you're willing to teach. Any excuse to be close to you (and possibly lick the spoon when it's all done)

His mother absolutely adores you and shares her world famous (at least amongst the newsies) cookie recipe. Davey is surprised to say the least. It warms his heart seeing his two favorite people getting along so well

One day, you catch him staring at you, eyebrows furrowed in obvious frustration.

"What?"

"I've been reading up on famous poets: Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Oscar Wilde. I've been studying their work so I could maybe become a better writer... Because I have a great urge to write poem after poem about your mysterious eyes... and the freckles the sprinkle across your nose like constellations... and how the sound of your laugh makes me forget everything, even my own name, and for just a moment I'm happy. Because you're happy." He pauses. "But I could never do it justice."

Who knew he could be so romantic?

He'll pose for you if you want to draw him. He chuckles nervously, saying he feels like he's being watched, because he is, and fidgets the whole time. When he sees the final product he gushes about how talented you are and that there's no way he looks that good in real life and that you could give Jack and run for his money. Jack smacks him upside the head as he walks by, but agrees

He 100% is the type of guy who will hold an umbrella over you if it's raining and put his jacket over a puddle so you can walk over it. But once the rain stops and the sun is shining, he'll jump in the puddles with you, laughing like a kid again

Ugh I want a Davey! Thanks for the request, lovely! 😙

[the-trth-untold]

now its ur turn. do all of the sweetheart asks.

god jsjsjhdjk im just letting u kno these answers r gonna be BORING but hhhh THANK U 

1. Talk about your first love.

i’ve never been in love, never been in a relationship before. BUT i can vaguely remember my first crush back in 2nd grade. all i can remember was that his name was kyle and he was the only boy who ever spoke to me and my brain just went !!! 

2. What’s the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS or What Was Our Love All About - Adrian Milanio and Marylou Villegas 

these are just two that i can think of there are A LOT of beautiful songs

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

fine??

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

i dont really do any self care things?? 

5. What’s your skincare routine?

i dont do any skincare routines either... ik im a monster

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

u must be blind if u think that 

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

i used to have over 50 stuffed animals, i would always place them all over my bed neatly but i got rid of them now :( 

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

Myrtle Beach, SC because it was my first vacation spot and i was so happy seeing two dolphins close to the shore

9. Favorite thing about your room?

the color of my walls and blankets lol mint green and peach colors

i dont have anything cool in my room

10. Opinion on love?

i mean, it’d be nice to experience it some day and i hope i do but right now im content being by myself

11. Are you affectionate?

if i know you very well i can be, if not im very awkward and will barely make any eye contact with you

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to people who have struggled a lot in their life, people who can be optimistic in any situation

13. Favorite poet?

i dont read much poetry, but i loved reading some things Emily Dickinson has published

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

honestly any disney song makes me happy! im a huge disney nerd and listening to any of those songs makes me feel nostalgic.

when im in a bad place, any slow, ballad sounding song can calm me down

15. Do you play an instrument?

i played the flute in middle school but dropped it after less than a week LOL

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i like doing digital art but im not good at it and i dont have adobe illustrator anymore so i haven’t done anything recently

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i cannot dance and no one will make me

IM TOO EMBARRASSED EVEN IF IM ALONE HAHAHA

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra

i somewhat believe in astrology, i know there’s more to it than just your sun sign and there are different placements that make you different from the stereotypical traits people use for each sign

a lot of the “things about each sign” can be used for anyone because the responses can be very vague and many people can relate to 

19. Favorite old film?

too many

the shining, the breakfast club, carrie, pretty in pink, etcetcetc

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk its a mess

curly/wavy and i have hardcut bangs 

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

fall weather, where its like 50 F (or 10 C for all u weirdos out there), cold enough to put on a flannel and boots

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them. (IM SORRY THIS WAS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT ITS SO CUTE AND FUNNY AND I RELATE)

23. Are you in love right now?

no

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

i dont have a crush lol

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

yes!!! i have two gorgeous puppies!!! if u wanna check them out u can follow my instagram i post them all the time @ the.moon.atomic

they’re such dorks but they fit my household idk how to describe it they just belong in my house hahha

26. Do you have a lucky number?

i dont really believe in lucky numbers 

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

no, and i never heard about wishing on a fallen eyelash haha

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

no???????? i dont even know what that is

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

no

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

when people finally stop hiding their true selves, show their real smiles, and laugh so hard they snort 

idk i just love people, well, most anyway sjsjhzjdsk

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

love them 

theyre such pure colors and they just remind me of newborn babies hahaha

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano definitely

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

yes! yes to both! i love rain more though, sorry wind

34. Who makes you happy?

my friends, family, and my mutuals 

35. What makes you happy?

listening to music

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

ohh well i’d be living on germany for starters hahaha

id like to have my own house, maybe living with a best friend

definitely like 5784538902 cats and dogs, i love them 

at some point id like to have a relationship LOL

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup? 

only on rare days ill put on makeup, i only use eyeshadow, liner, and mascara and ive never gone to a store thats just for make up, i just go to a pharmacy lol

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

only if i absolutely have to, the dress i wore for my senior pictures is my favorite

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

noo, ive never been in a relationship 

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

i kinda really dont have one, not irl anyway

@neo-bangtan @mini-pretzel are my closest friends online, i love everything about u guys

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

im isfj

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

uh idk?? i wouldnt want to be immortal so 

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

acid jazz singer - the fratellis 

45. Parlez-vous français?

no my french sucks

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

honestly i cant think of any place pennsylvania sucks ahhaha

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

home...... my bed...... LOL

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

only if im not looking at myself lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

slip ons or my new balance 

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

N O i am so accident prone i can barely walk barefoot without tripping 

51. Do you feel loved?

kinda? sometimes?

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

just giving them a hug lol or saying i love you

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

no ones ever called me any but i like baby, im a simple girl 

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

nothing?

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

meeting new people who share the same interests 

56. Are you happy right now?

im pretty neutral atm

57. What makes you smile?

really awful jokes that ARENT EVEN FUNNY AND TALKING DASHA AND KARINA 

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i guess??

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

soft vibes i guess haha

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i dont see myself marrying but if i would it would definitely be for love

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

i dont really want to get married, most of the time it ends in divorce and theres just a lot of paper work and its a hassle i dont see a point in it 

62. Favorite flower?

hydrangeas 

63. Favorite artist?

edgar degas

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

i try to be kind to everyone, i dont know if others perceive me that way but i think kindness is very important to me

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

once and i loved it, pls ask me to make a playlist for u

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music and a soft blanket 

68. Early bird or night owl?

early bird

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed. (AGAIN THIS IS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT HHAHAHAHA)

70. Night routine?

shower and watch netflix until i fall asleep

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

being humble

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

yes yes and yes

im such a cry baby i will cry at everything if u yell at me or if disappoint u im so sensitive 

73. Do you like hugs?

yes but i dont receive many hugs

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

never

75. Are you small or tall?

small, 5′4 or 164cm

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

who doesnt

77. Favorite thing about the past?

anything that makes me feel nostalgic 

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

yes

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

nooo

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

ive never been on a plane

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

82. The beach or a forest?

beach

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

when im sleeping lol

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

i try to 

85. Favorite kind of tree?

what kind of question is this i dont know anything about trees

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i want to but i dont do anything for it

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

fieldtrips in school

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

i try to read more, my favorite book is more happy than not 

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

disney, i just put my christmas tree down and the ornaments are disney characters

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

honesty i guess?

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

my eyes

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after i bathe 

93. Do you worry a lot?

yes all the time

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no 

96. Favorite pastry?

??????????? i dont know??????????

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

YEAH

98. How’s your day/night going?

fine so far, i dont have to work today so im just chillaxing 

[closetofanxiety]

Beyond Wrestling: Americanrana 18

I got home after 1 a.m. today and woke up at 6 a.m. Then it was a full day of home improvement stuff. I’m tired. I’ve got ice on my bad foot. But I have some thoughts and impressions about the hottest US independent wrestling show of, uh, the month of July, at least. 

Big crowd: This was Beyond’s biggest live gate of all time, and at the same time the most-watched live stream in the young life of Powerbomb TV, AND the single event responsible for more new subscribers than anything else they’ve shown so far. At the venue, a Polish-American club in Worcester with oil paintings of the Old Country on the walls, people were berserk for almost everything that happened during the night. I don’t know how it came across on TV (or whatever, screen, I’m talking about watching it on a screen), but people were loud and excitable. Dan Barry got the biggest reaction Dan Barry has possibly ever had. People reacted to the surprise appearance of Anthony Green  like he was Mike Bailey, and they reacted to the surprise appearance of Mike Quackenbush like he was Steve Austin. It’s so much fun to be with a crowd of people who are just going nuts for professional wrestling.

Final appearance: Matt Riddle had what is almost certainly his last-ever Beyond Wrestling match, getting pinned by Nick Fuckin Gage during a tag match that pitted Gage and Matt Tremont (the New H8 Club) against Riddle and Filthy Tom Lawlor. It’s wild to think that a year ago he was putting his undefeated streak on the line in the main event at Americanrana 17, and this year he was in a mid-card tag match where he ate a pin. He’s headed for big things, though. Gage is great as the fan favorite, thanking people for willing him onto victory, and looking genuinely delighted when he got the pin. Awkward moment: the crowd, excited at the announcement that the winning team was now called “the New H8 Club,” started chanting “C-Z-Dub! C-Z-Dub!” despite Gage having gone over to bitter rivals GCW and Tremont wrestling his final CZW match on Saturday night. Just chant “Nick Fuckin Gage! Nick Fuckin Gage!” Speaking of which ...

Working blue: This was the sweariest Beyond Wrestling show I can remember for some time. They had pregame interviewers with Wrestling Social Media Personality Alicia Atout in front of a fancy Beyond/Powerbomb backdrop, and Janela and ring announcer Rich Palladino, of all people, kept using the word “fuck” like a comma. Kids in the room, gentlemen! 

Unpopular Opinion #1: I like intergender wrestling a lot, but in order for it to become a normal part of pro wrestling, promotions and wrestlers have to stop loudly drawing attention to the fact that THEY AREN’T AFRAID TO HAVE INTERGENDER WRESTLING, DAMN IT. The opening match on the show was a terrifically fun four-on-four pitting Team Pazuzu against “Team WWR”: Kimber Lee, Jordynne Grace, Mia Yim, and Skylar. It was fun and crazy, as you’d expect from that cast of characters, and Skylar did a good job of keeping up with wrestlers who are much more experienced and established than she is. But then after the match, Chris Dickinson cut a promo about how HE RESPECTS THESE GIRLS SO GODDAMN MUCH AND INTERGENDER WRESTLING IS HERE TO STAY. Good! I like that! But the more you act like it’s some remarkable anomaly, the more people are going to treat it like that. It’s just another variety of match, like tag team wrestling.

Oh, also: There was a GREAT moment in the match where Dickinson was about to give Jordynne Grace a Pazuzu Bomb, but she was saved by Kimber Lee, who then stared Dickinson down. This was a callback to the spot in Beyond years ago where Dickinson waffled Lee with a chair and then hit her with a crazy Pazuzu Bomb in a clip that went viral and gave both of them some not-entirely-wanted exposure to the wider world. The crowd, happily, recognized this immediately and went APESHIT. I loved it!

Loco spotfests: There was an announced four-way tag match with Team Tremendous, the Gentlemen’s Club, the Beaver Boys, and the recently renamed Massage Force. There was also an unannounced Chikara showcase, with Solo Darling, Fire Ant, someone working a “Dasher Hatfield’s kid” gimmick, and Quack himself against a Dungeon of Doom-esque cast of characters. Also Travis Huckabee. I honestly groaned when I heard “Chikara showcase,” but they tore down the house. Quackenbush may be a guy who talks like Darril and wants to turn wrestling into TED Talk fodder, but he’s one of the most important US indie wrestlers of all time, and I had never seen him wrestle in person before. At one point, a sea creature or maybe the Gimp or someone picked Quackenbush up by his feet and heaved him backwards over the rope, and he sailed higher and farther than any person I’ve ever seen launched out of a wrestling ring. It was just a hugely fun match, and the four-way tag managed to top it. There was no “storytelling” or “psychology” in either match, and honestly, that’s fine for a big-spectacle show like Americanrana. Just have a bunch of talented people come out and do stuff they don’t normally do in a show, and go wild.

The plot thickens: The big news from the four-way tag is Dan Barry’s betrayal of beloved partner Bill Carr (there was a loud, enthusiastic chant of “Bill Carr fucks! Bill Carr fucks!” after the big man launched himself through the ropes. “Oh my God, I love it! I love it, you guys!” he yelled back. He is like a big happy golden retriever and it’s impossible to think negatively about him). Betrayals don’t always work on the indie level, and I’ve seen my share of partners turning on partners that are greeted with shrugs by the crowd, but people went NUTS after Barry screwed over Carr. A louder, more sustained negative reaction than I’ve ever heard in Beyond. Should be a hot feud! In further plot twists, MJF was injured and couldn’t wrestle Gresham in their blowoff, so Trent was drafted as a surprise Dream Team member. The match ended in a DQ and Gresham roughed up Stokely Hathaway while MFJ watched helplessly from the outside. THIS SETTLED NOTHING. Presumably. 

Unpopular Opinion #2: I think PCO’s run as the TV veteran who has inexplicably become an indie darling is nearing its conclusion. I also think that run does not sit as well on PCO’s shoulders as it would Gangrel. It should be Gangrel out there, getting the big paydays and the crazy receptions from crowds. PCO does not have a lot in his toolbox, if I’m being honest. He had a sloppy, overlong match with Brian Cage that was full of blown spots and awkward pauses. Let’s all focus on Gangrel from now on. 

A new favorite: I’ve done a total 180 on “Hot Sauce” Tracy Williams, who used to bore me to distraction. I really like him now. I think it’s because I’ve heard him on commentary a bunch, and he reminds me of friends who lived in squats and punk houses in the 1990s but who now live in Brooklyn and have respectable jobs in the low six figures, but who are still capable of smashing a bottle in the face of a Nazi skinhead. 

Mayhem: What can I say about the main event, a no-ropes barbed wire death match between David Starr and Joey Janela, to settle a feud that’s been simmering on and off for years? It was extremely violent and bloody. It lasted 22 minutes but felt like 10. Starr won, and cut an absolutely searing promo afterward, calling Janela “a glorified stuntman” who only came to prominence because someone else made goofy Internet videos about him; seriously, it’s one of the best promos I’ve heard an indie wrestler give. Bile and bitterness from a man covered in his own blood; there would be no Triple H Handshake of Respect between these two gladiators.

Grace notes: This was the most efficiently run Americanrana I’ve ever attended. The doors were supposed to open at 6:30, and they opened EARLY. An indie show! This was good, but it trapped one of my friends outside, because he had gone to a bar, assuming it would take forever to get inside the building. I mean, he made it in eventually, he just had to wait at the back of the line ... There was a nice shoutout to Dominki Dijakovicokowiczogonov, gone but not forgotten from Beyond: during his match with AR Fox, Anthony Greene did the Feast Your Eyes and hit Dijakulakovich’s poses while the crowd chanted “Feast Your Eyes! Feast Your Eyes!” ... Chuck Taylor hit a Rainmaker during the four-way tag match and screamed “This one’s for you, Little Kazu!,” which is a reference to an ongoing Twitter joke that I’m almost ashamed to have recognized ... I bought a hat from David Starr and we talked about the need for national healthcare, which is a conversation topic that wouldn’t work with most wrestlers .... I don’t know why or how they do it, but Americanrana really feels special. Everyone seems to raise their game for the show, and the fans are really in a holiday mood. It’s not a show I ever want to miss ... The crowd went from skepticism over the Chikara wrestlers - one guy grunted, “Fuckin’ Vince Russo gimmicks” when the bad guys came out - to joyous acceptance, capped when the same guy yelled at the sea monster character, “Look at this big green bastard! How’s he able to breathe on land?” ... One of my favorite parts of the day was sitting in the bar downstairs while they broke down the ring and set up the barbed wire. Just seeing a bunch of the wrestlers relaxing and enjoying themselves, having a (non-alcoholic) drink with my friend Mike, enjoying the air conditioning on a summer night: this was a good night ... after the show, we stopped at a service plaza on the Masss Pike to get some unhealthy snacks and use the bathroom, and on our way in we passed Solo Darling. “Great match tonight,” we said. “Thank you!” she said. On our way out, we passed a much less happy Solo Darling as she walked over to the counter to give the McDonald’s people hell. “I distinctly said no cheese on ...” she began, as we hurried out. 

Final thought: There was a 20 or 25 minute break before the main event, where they set up the barbed wire and all that. Mike and I went downstairs to the bar while Mark stayed up in the hall. The first person we saw in the bar, sitting by himself at one end, was David Starr. He was hunched over a glass of water and a shot glass and staring into the middle distance, at nothing in particular. In a few minutes, he was going to walk upstairs and wrestle the most violent match of his career in front of 500 people and you could see the concern on his face as he went over the possibilities: barbed wire, steel chairs, staple guns, cinder blocks, baseball bats. One spot that goes a little sideways and someone leaves the building in an ambulance. That glimpse of David Starr brooding put the whole night - put all of wrestling, really - into perspective. This wasn’t an angle, this wasn’t a promo, he wasn’t in character: this was a man working up the courage to do something reckless and potentially dangerous because he wanted to do it more than anything in the world. It was the look of a man who has willingly taken a great weight onto his shoulders, as many of us have, or will have to one day. It was a wordless rejoinder to all those snide comments about how wrestling is fake: looking at David Starr’s face, sitting alone and being left alone by his friends and peers, his staring eyes showing exactly what he was prepared to do, one thing was clear to anyone who was paying attention - nothing is more real than wrestling.

[iamandco]

  PHOTO: COURTESY Bobby Doherty FOR THE CUT  William Shakespeare. Emily Dickinson. Walt Whitman. Edgar Allen Poe. Maya Angelou. These are the names of just some of the greatest poets to ever live and grace us with their undeniable talent.  But who is the Dickinson or Poe or Angelou of our time? Is there even one? I believe there is, and her name is Rupi Kaur.  If you haven’t heard of Rupi Kaur, she is a supremely quotable #1 New York Times bestselling author for her poetry books...and everyone is obsessed with her work (and rightfully so). So, who is Rupi Kaur? Rupi Kaur in currently 26 years old; she was born in 1992 in India. She and her mother moved to Toronto, Canada when she was just four years old so they could reunite with Rupi’s father, who was living there for his job. Rupi didn’t have the best time adjusting to a new country; she felt very alone. In an interview with India Today, Rupi recalls her difficult childhood: "You grow up with so much self-hate," she said. "At home my parents would tell me not to go out in the sun because I'd become dark. At school, I would be told I have a very wide frame and I have hair here and hair there and I would just think, 'I'm a mistake!'"  In 2015, Rupi graduated with her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Waterloo where she studied rhetoric writing. On her FAQ section of her website , Rupi explains how she got into the love of writing: “ our trauma escapes the confines of our own times. we’re not just healing from what’s been inflicted onto us as children. my experiences have happened to my mother and her mother and her mother before that. it is generations of pain embedded into our souls.” — Rupi Kaur “ i read hundreds of books growing up. but none can explain this torment to me. i need access to words written by people who look like me writing about the things i am going through. at that moment i realize the importance of representation and know this must be different for my children. they must have access to their own literature. i write to document we were here.” — Rupi Kaur View this post on Instagram A post shared by rupi kaur (@rupikaur_) on Oct 26, 2018 at 9:06pm PDT A hand-picked bouquet of Rupi Kaur quotes “ love does not look like a person, love is our actions” — Rupi Kaur *** “ if you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise” — Rupi Kaur *** “ you do not just wake up and become the butterfly—growth is a process” — Rupi Kaur *** “ you do not just wake up and become the butterfly—growth is a process” — Rupi Kaur *** “ if I’m not the love of your life I’ll be the greatest loss instead” — Rupi Kaur *** “ never feel guilty for starting again” — Rupi Kaur *** “ how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” — Rupi Kaur *** “ what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives” — Rupi Kaur *** “ fall in love with your solitude” — Rupi Kaur *** “ if you are not enough for yourself you will never be enough for someone else” — Rupi Kaur *** “ i thank the universe for taking everything it has taken and giving to me everything it is giving—balance.” Milk and Honey: the book that made her famous  Before she even graduated, she was already a published author. In 2014, during her junior year of college, Rupi released her first collection of poems: “milk and honey.” It is arguably the most popular poetry book of this generation. Over 2.5 million copies of the book have been sold so far and it has been translated into 30 languages. It’s safe to say Rupi’s words are universal.  “ This name [Kaur] is so important on a bookshelf. That’s the name of every Sikh woman. If I was six years old and I saw this in Barnes and Nobles, I would cry. I would sit there and be like, ‘If she can do it, I can do it.” — Rupi Kaur Rupi’s poems touch base on powerful subjects such as rape, feminism, abuse, self-love, immigration, mental health, alcoholism, etc. Rupi does not hold back with her poems; she bares her soul for the world to read. Her style of writing is short and sweet; she uses short, raw verses with arbitrary line-breaks.  Many critics do not like Rupi’s style of poetry; they say it is too harsh, too short, not traditional enough, you name it. But Rupi’s rule-breaking new style is exactly why Millennials like myself are drawn to it. Her words are short and to the point, and hit you right in the heart with their painful relatability. In seven words, Rupi can sum up my love life better than a 500 word poem by a legendary poet from the 1600s.  Here are a few of my favorite poems from  “milk and honey.” “  i do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me i want to be full on my own i want to be so complete i could light a whole city and then i want to have you cause the two of us combined could set it on fire” — Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey “ i am a museum full of art but you had your eyes shut ” — Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey “ when you are broken and he has left you do not question whether you were enough the problem was you were so enough he was not able to carry it ” — Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey “ people go but how they left always stays” — Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey The crazy thing is, Rupi Kaur self-published “milk and honey.” It’s not like she was signed to a major publishing company that was going to publish her book. She was just one girl who believed and invested in her talent. On August 29, 2018, Rupi wrote a special message on her Facebook page that talked about that pivotal moment: “ 4 years ago i self published a book called ‘milk and honey’. mostly for myself. i was going through a rough time. i thought maybe some of my friends and family might even buy it. i don’t know how. or why. but the universe decided to catapult this heartfelt project made in my living room- to a book that’s reached the hands of millions. it’s been sitting on the new york times bestsellers list for over two years in a row. this is beyond me. a magic way out of my hands.” — Rupi Kaur The Sun and Her Flowers After the huge success Rupi had with  “milk and honey,: she returned to the writing studio and worked on her second collection of poems: “the sun and her flowers,” which was published in 2017 by Andrews McMeel Publishing. In this collection of poems, she writes about topics such as femininity, love, healing, and more.  When asked how she came up with this title, Rupi said, “i was in love with the way sunflowers worshipped the sun. how they rise with the sun. how they follow the sun around. i thought that was such a beautiful representation of love and relationships.”  Here are some of my favorite poems from “the sun and her flowers.” “ the irony of loneliness is we all feel it at the same time -together” — Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers “ it was when i stopped searching from home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself i found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body and that have decided to be whole” — Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers “ where do we go from here my love when it’s over and i’m standing between us whose side do i run to when every nerve in my body is pulsing for you when my mouth waters at the thought when you are pulling me in just by standing there how do i turn around and choose myself” — Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers View this post on Instagram A post shared by rupi kaur (@rupikaur_) on Jul 18, 2018 at 1:35pm PDT Rupi A.K.A the “instapoet” Along with being a phenomenal poet, Rupu is also a brilliant business woman. Rupi is known as an “instapoet”. She uses instagram (@rupikaur_) to highlight her work and also to shed light on issues women face every day. With more than 3.7 million followers, Rupi is able to make a difference in this world, just with her words.  In an app that is mostly pictures of models in bikinis showing their seemingly perfect bodies and lives, Rupi is honest and raw with her followers and shares her vulnerable thoughts. It is honestly a breath of fresh air seeing Rupi’s posts when I’m scrolling through Instagram.  Here’s a video of Rupi talking about her relationship with Instagram, and how she creates a balance between pleasing her followers and pleasing her own creativity and peace of mind.  What else has Rupi been up to?  Rupi loves to give poetry readings from her collections. A really cool thing she did about a year ago was a poetry reading on the same stage where she graduated from college. Instead of receiving a diploma, this time she was reading her powerful poems to a group of 800 admiring fans. Talk about full circle.  Rupi performing at the Rose Theatre in Brampton. Credit: Christina de Melo Rupi also recently met up with book connoisseur and actor phenomenon, Emma Watson. Emma interviewed Rupi for her book club, The Shared Shelf. In this video , Rupi and Emma talk about Rupi’s journey to poetry stardom and Emma’s deep admiration for Rupi’s work. “I loved it (the book) as a shorthand for ideas I found really difficult to express myself. I would refer myself to this poem and send them a screenshot…I felt so lucky to have that as a tool… to be like “this is what it feels like”...you’re giving people more words and it’s incredible,” says Watson.  Rupi is currently on a writing residency at the Space on Ryder Farm, which is a place for artists to continue their work in a beautiful setting, all while giving back to nature. So hopefully this writing residency means that Rupi is working on her third book which I (and the world) need ASAP.  On a personal note, Rupi has made a huge impact on my life. I’ve always adored poetry and wanted to try writing my own poems, but never thought I had the talent for it. I just couldn’t figure out how to make something impactful and true to me, while following the traditional ways of poetry (like rhyming every other sentence, having it be at least 16 sentences long, etc.)  When I saw Rupi’s poems and how short and raw they were, and how people were so receptive to this new way of poetry, I thought to myself, “Hey, I can do that!” So I bought a journal and started to pour my thoughts and feelings into it. I quickly had a bunch of short “Rupi Kaur” style poems, only they were my words. I now have 40 poems, and one day, I want to self-publish my very own poetry book, just like Rupi. Rupi shows us that if you have a dream, go for it. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t hold back and let life or people shut you up. Thank you Rupi, for sharing your gorgeous talent with us all. View this post on Instagram A post shared by rupi kaur (@rupikaur_) on Dec 15, 2018 at 7:43pm PST “ I want to apologize to all the women i have called beautiful before i’ve called them intelligent or brave i am sorry i made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is all you have to be proud of when you have broken mountains with your wit from now on i will say things like you are resilient, or you are extraordinary not because i don’t think you’re beautiful but because i need you to know you are more than that” — Rupi Kaur

[grrlinthefireplace]

30, please!

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

Oh my god this is so hard to narrow down!  I love quotes so much.  Here are some of my particular favorites, the ones I used to scrawl on the front of my notebooks as a student or say over and over quietly to myself when I needed consolation or stuck over my desk on a Post-It Note to see every day.  Two of these are from books I had tattooed on my arm.  One of them became a plot point in the book I wrote.  One of them is the thing I used to lie awake every night and repeat to myself while my mother was dying to help myself sleep.  

Words are magic.

“Shipsat a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, neverlanding until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mockedto death by Time.  That is the life ofmen.

Now, women forget all those thingsthey don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want toforget.  Then they act and do thingsaccordingly.”–Zora Neale Hurston, from Their EyesWere Watching God

“time is a tree (this life one leaf)but love is the sky and i am for youjust so long and long enough”–e.e. cummings, from “as freedom is a breakfastfood”

“Theinclination to believe in the fantastic may strike some as a failure in logic,or gullibility, but it’s really a gift. A world that might have Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster is clearlysuperior to one that definitely does not.”–Chris Van Allsburg

“Everything dies, baby, that’s a factBut maybe everything that dies someday comes back”–Bruce Springsteen, from “Atlantic City”

“Whatmakes this so much fun is that it is not truth, it is not life.  It is playacting. We are the purveyors ofbeautiful lies.  That is why you shouldnever take us as lovers, or try to con us, or let us get too close topoliticians.  Lying is our business andwe know it when we see it.“–PatrickStewart

“My heart sings of your longing for me, and my thoughts climb down to marvel at your mercy. I do not fear as you gather up my days.  Your name is the sweetness of time, and you carry me close into the night, speaking consolations, drawing down lights from the sky, saying, See how the night has no terrors for one who remembers the Name.”–Leonard Cohen, from Book of Mercy

“I do love nothing in the world so well as you.  Is not that strange?”–William Shakespeare, from Much Ado About Nothing

“Ilike living.  I have sometimes beenwildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it allI still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”–Agatha Christie

“Atticussaid to Jem one day, ‘I’d rather you shot at tin cans in the backyard, but Iknow you’ll go after birds.  Shoot allthe bluejays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to kill amockingbird.’ That was the only time Iever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudieabout it. ‘Your father’s right,’ shesaid. ‘Mockingbirds don’t do one thingexcept make music for us to enjoy. Theydon’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thingbut sing their hearts out for us. That’swhy it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.’”            –Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“Weepingmay endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”–Psalm 30:5

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”–Noel Coward

“The Ancient Mariner said to Neptuneduring a great storm, ‘O God, you will save me if you wish, but I am going togo on holding my tiller straight.’”–Michel de Montaigne

“We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us arelooking at the stars.”–OscarWilde

“Gatsbybelieved in the green light, the orgastic future that year by yearrecedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrowwe will run faster, stretch out our arms farther… . And thenone fine morning—

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselesslyinto the past.”–F. Scott Fitzgerald, from The Great Gatsby

“Ibelieve that an author who cannot control her characters is, like a mother whocannot control her children, not really fit to look after them.”–MargeryAllingham

“The ordinary-sized stuff which is ourlives, the things people write poetry about - clouds - daffodils - waterfalls - whathappens in a cup of coffee when the cream goes in - these things are full ofmystery, as mysterious to us as the heavens were to the Greeks.”–Tom Stoppard, from Arcadia

“How many women wrote beautiful novels and stories and poems and essays and plays and scripts and songs in spite of all the crap they endured. How many of them didn’t collapse in a heap of “I could have been better than this” and instead went right ahead and became better than anyone would have predicted or allowed them to be. The unifying theme is resilience and faith. The unifying theme is being a warrior and a motherfucker. It is not fragility. It’s strength. It’s nerve. And ‘if your Nerve, deny you –,’ as Emily Dickinson wrote, ‘go above your Nerve.’ Writing is hard for every last one of us—straight white men included. Coal mining is harder. Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig.”–Cheryl Strayed (AKA Dear Sugar), from “Write Like a Motherfucker”

“Thisindeed is man’s creative gift, to find or make a likeness where none was seenbefore - a likeness between mass and energy, a link between time and space, anecho of all our fears in the passion of Othello.”–Jacob Bronowski, physicist

“The problem with putting two and two together isthat sometimes you get four, and sometimes you get twenty-two.”–DashiellHammett, from The Thin Man

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever.  I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago.  Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.”–Jane Austen, from Persuasion   

“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn’tresolve.  But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night whenI saw a man playing the saxophone.  I stood there for fifteen minutes, andhe never opened his eyes. 

After that I liked jazz music. 

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love somethingbefore you can love it yourself.  It’s as if they are showing you theway.   

I used to not like God because God didn’tresolve.  But that was before any of this happened.”–Donald Miller, from BlueLike Jazz

“And if I could go back and start over somehowI would not change that much, knowing what I know now”–Billy Joel, from “Getting Closer”

“She was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many shortwomen to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from theground.”–Dorothy Parker

“To choose what is difficult all one’s days as if it were easy,That is faith.”–W.H. Auden, from For the Time Being

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say gracebefore the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, andgrace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming,fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen inthe ink.”–G. K. Chesterton

“Ladiesdo not start fights.  But they can finishthem!”–Marie from The Aristocats

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to payback the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’swiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to justkeep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”–Elizabeth Gilbert

[starlingsim]

get to know me tag!

i didn’t get tagged by anyone but i wanted to do it because it’s fun lmao. this is my simself and i picked for my traits family oriented, dog person, and a perfectionist

1. what is your full name? peyton

2. what is your nickname? my family calls me ‘boo’ but most of my friends call me pey

3. what is your zodiac sign? virgo!

4. what is your favorite book series? probably the percy jackson series 

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? definitely

6. who is your favorite author? hmhm there’s a lot i love sylvia plath, emily dickinson, harper lee

7. what is your favorite radio station? there’s this one that plays classic rock that i listen to a lot and then another that plays just christmas music which is pretty great

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? vanilla

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? rad, awesome, nice

10. what is your current favorite song? the feeling again by brendan maclean or love of my life by queen

11. what is your favorite word? toasty

12. what was the last song you listened to? dark side of the gym by the national 

13. what TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? parks and rec

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? empire strikes back, raiders of the lost ark, spirit: stallion of the cimarron (one of the best movies of all time) 

15. do you play video games? mainly just sims and animal crossing and hogwarts mystery

16. what is your biggest fear? death, hospitals, being alone

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? i’m really passionate and loyal

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be selfish and controlling

19. do you like cats or dogs better? they’re both too good for this world but i have a special place in my heart for dogs

20. what is your favorite season? winter or fall!

21. are you in a relationship? nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? just feeling happy a lot of the time, being surrounded by friends and never really stressing about the future 

23. who is your best friend? my dog zoey

24. what is your eye color? blue but its like yellow around the iris?? idk what’s that about 

25. what is your hair color? blonde

26. who is someone you love? my family and my dogs 

27. who is someone you trust? my mom

28. who is someone you think about often? cory monteith - i miss him

29. are you currently excited about/for something? probably the holidays- i love this time of year and animal crossing switch!!

30. what is your biggest obsession? dogs, CAPTAIN MARVEL!!!!! 

31. what was your favorite TV show as a child? dora the explorer, tellatubbies, the wiggles 

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? my brother 

33. are you superstitious? sort of but i’m trying to be less because it kind of messes up my life 

34. do you have any unusual phobias? being alone i guess 

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? depends on the day tbh

36. what is your favorite hobby? reading, writing, listening to music

37. what was the last book you read? i’m currently reading emily dickinson’s collection of poetry

38. what was the last movie you watched? i think it was jurassic world 

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? none

40. what is your favorite animal? i love so many!! dogs, cats, elephants, dolphins, polar bears, all of them really.

41. what are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i don’t have a top 5 rn i just like scrolling through new blogs and seeing new content

42. what superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis for sure

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? in my room or in my car driving at night

44. what makes you smile? dogs!!

45. what sports do you play, if any? none - i am the least athletically inclined of my siblings

46. what is your favorite drink? coffee!!

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? probably the beginning of this year? when i lived away from my family i wrote them a lot of letters 

48. are you afraid of heights? no but sometimes when i’m up super high i get paranoid i’ll jump on accident (if that makes sense?? lmao)

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? people who blame their problems on everyone else, people who can never admit they’re wrong, ignorance

50. have you ever been to a concert? yes! hannah montana and marina and the diamonds 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? nope

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? i 100% believed i was going to be a movie star in hollywood or be on broadway

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? hogwarts for sure

54. what is something you worry about? literally everything

55. are you scared of the dark? not really

56. do you like to sing? yes especially in my car 

57. have you ever skipped school? yes pretty much all of senior year

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? that’s hard!! san francisco maybe or washington

59. where would you like to live? in a little cabin in the woods with like twenty dogs and goats and cows and cats

60. do you have any pets? two dogs whom i love so much

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? both unfortunately 

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunrises 

63. do you know how to drive? yes

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i don’t have headphones currently so earbuds

65. have you ever had braces? nope and my dentist yells at me all the time for it

66. what is your favorite genre of music? classic rock currently but i’m trying to listen to all genres (except country - sorry)

67. who is your hero? anyone who fights for social justice

68. do you read comic books? sometimes

69. what makes you the most angry? donald trump, americans (i am american so i annoy myself), people who choose to be racist, sexist, terrible people

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real book

71. what is your favorite subject in school? history

72. do you have any siblings? yes two

73. what was the last thing you bought? i think it was my mom’s christmas present

74. how tall are you? 5′6

75. can you cook? i am very good at making spaghetti and that is about it 

76. what are three things that you love? family, dogs, music

77. what are three things that you hate? donald trump, littering, people who take advantage/abuse others 

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? definitely more female friends, i have trust issues with men that i’m trying to work on

79. what is your sexual orientation? i’ve only ever liked men but you never know!

80. where do you currently live? hell :) jk i’m not gonna say

81. who was the last person you texted? my mom

82. when was the last time you cried? yesterday when i got my car stuck on a curb and couldn’t move it

83. who is your favorite YouTuber? furrylittlepeach

84. do you like to take selfies? mhm

85. what is your favorite app? twitter

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? pretty good - we disagree on a few things but i’m close with both of them

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? this is kind of a weird question lol idk - i love new york accents especially that one video of the guy yelling at the cat with big eyes 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? the smithsonian and scotland!!

89. what is your favorite number? 8

90. can you juggle? not as of right now

91. are you religious? nope

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? both but i would really love to see what is at the bottom of the ocean, like what creatures (*cough* mermaids *cough*)

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? depends but yes more so as i’ve gotten older

94. are you allergic to anything? yes a LOT of things

95. can you curl your tongue? no :(

96. can you wiggle your ears? no again :(

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? often! i’ve gotten a lot better about it thankfully

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? both

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? my parents telling me i could drop out of college because my mental health was so bad (thanks mom and dad!)

100. are you a good liar? for the most part

101. what is your Hogwarts House? gryffindor (ya okay i know we have a bad rep i’m sorry)

102. do you talk to yourself? all the time 

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. do you keep a journal/diary? yes

105. do you believe in second chances? depends on what you did but yes for the most part

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? i have a very guilty conscience so i would probably try to find who lost it 

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? yes if they really want to

108. are you ticklish? mhm

109. have you ever been on a plane? yup!

110. do you have any piercings? no

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? probably hermoine granger so we could be besties or percy jackson or omg captain marvel because i love her 

112. do you have any tattoos? no but i want to get some!!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? to drop out of my old college which was terrible for my health and go somewhere new where i can be with my family also to see a doctor about my mental health

114. do you believe in karma? sort of - i feel like i see bad stuff happen to good people all the time but i don’t see bad stuff happen to bad people all that often

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? neither 

116. do you want children? somedays yes, somedays no

117. who is the smartest person you know? my brother is pretty smart

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? probably getting food poisoning at the movie theater and puking/pooping myself on the way to the bathroom (thank you thanksgiving food)

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? i think so?

120. what color are most of you clothes? black/autumn colors

121. do you like adventures? yes!

122. have you ever been on TV? i want to say yes but i honestly can’t remember

123. how old are you? 19

124. what is your favorite quote? either “at the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can” by frida kahlo or “i feel there is nothing more artistic than loving people” by vincent van gogh

125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods? both!

[thesoundofsimple]

It took me a while to compile these. Maybe I was busy, maybe I didn’t want the closure.  I’m not always so great with closure. I think it was more that i tried and failed to post this several times and it was starting to become too much work. Anyway, I’ve finished the series. This story has consumed me for the last two years. Hey, I’m not a fast reader ok - don’t you judge me. But it’s a nice thing to have something in your life like that for so long, what’s the rush. I’ve compiled a bunch of my fav moments from the book below along with some commentary on some of them. Where to begin... I read this series because of two people. Either in high school or early college my friend Matt insisted that I start reading the Gunslinger series. He was obsessed with it. I was not a king fan at the time and chalked his interest Up to the other weirdo fantasy books he would read about kings and queens and warriors and big bears and those fantasy books you would see in the bookstores with the girls with the big boobs and they are riding a wolf or something from other dimensions and such (you know the ones right?) Sometimes he’d plead with me anyway about how I was missing out. I ignored this but regardless, the seed was planted. As I was reading this, i realized how lucky i was to be able to just keep reading this series unencumbered by the wait for publication. I was never having to wait YEARS for the next book to come out, or wondering if it ever would come out. I kinda got the Netflix treatment on this, i could binge read. I had the sad realization that as obsessed as Matt was with the series, he only got through three. He died a few months before Wizard and Glass which i realize is a small tragedy in comparison to the whole "he died" part but its a tragedy nonetheless. I wish Matt could have been able to finish the series. That would have made him happy. He was a nice person and one of my best friends, I realize writing this, I miss him. The other person implicated here as getting me interested was my friend Amy. She'd been a big King fan since she was a kid. A little kid. A weird little kid according to her, reading fukin Pet Cemetery at age 11 and such. My own 11 year old would have to be committed to a mental institution if she read that book. Amy liked reading in general and I hadn't really been reading any books in a long time and I was embarrassed about that when it came to her so i tried to start reading a bit not to seem like a total degenerate. that kid had a way of making me do things that were good, things i should be doing - nice quality really. She had a way of picking out things for me that, well, I really liked. She was my taste-maker for a few years with stuff like this and I came to believe if she said i would like it, well it was a done deal because she was always right about what i'd like. That said, she was also a little self conscious sometimes about her interests. She'd go on a whole rant about something sorta esoteric and then suddenly become self aware and look embarrassed, say something like "yeah, your girl's a real weirdo, sorry" but I loved listening and learning about lots of stuff (great stuff) i just had been oblivious to. Roland and his friends were among Amy's favorite stories. So a few years later when we, well, didn't talk anymore, and I missed her... quite a lot, I started picking up some of the books she told me about. While Matt put the idea in my head to read these books, I know that the real reason i finally did was to have a tiny part of her around, a one way connection but a connection regardless (now who's the weirdo) And it was nice to be honest. I would have liked to have talked to her about these books, or just say Thankya for putting the idea in my head. 

It’s amazing to me how much the world changed for King from the first book to the last. Or since Matt left. Or since Amy left. Or shall I say, the world has moved on, if it do ya. That the first book was started before I was born and before the last, Harry Potter appeared in the world of Roland. This was an almost uncomprehendingly amazing story. I cant believe it came from one brain. its staggering to me really, truly staggering. Thank you Mr. King. August 1, 2018. 

—————————— My comments in bold You needn’t die happy when your day comes, but you must die satisfied"

“That smell of cooking meat wafting through the air was not pork.”

“sköldpadda tumbled to the red rug, bounced beneath one of the tables, and there (like a certain paper boat some of you may remember) passes out of this tale forever” Loved this reference to IT

“A man can’t pull himself up by his own bootstraps no matter how hard he tries” agreed. reflective of my continuing shift to the left of the political spectrum

“Roland nodded, which wasn’t good enough for Eddie. “Let me hear you say it.”“Hoggie.”“Hoagie.”“HOOG-gie.” Philly! “always tuned to the oldies on WCBS” my mom always had this on growing up. cousin brucie. 

“Anyone who doesn’t think the imagination can kill is a fool” it can. it can make your day or ruin your life

“He leaned forward through the fragrant pipe-smoke. “Son,” he said, “tell your tale. And don’tcha skip a goddam word.”” you knew he was going to believe, i loved this. 

“And she kept the secret. I was the only one she ever told.” Eddie, perhaps remembering that post-coital confidence in the dark of night, was smiling painful” keeping each other secrets... i know that painful smile while remembering

“John offered them a smile that augured well for his future as a dirty trickster: bemused on the surface, sly beneath. well, i just liked this

“Do any of us, except in our dreams, truly expect to be reunited with our hearts’ deepest loves, even when they leave us only for minutes, and on the most mundane of errands? No, not at all. Each time they go from our sight we in our secret hearts count them as dead. Having been given so much, we reason, how could we expect not to be brought as low as Lucifer for the staggering presumption of our love?” and sometimes, they leave, and indeed, are gone.  “and so will the world end, I think, a victim of love rather than hate. For love’s ever been the more destructive weapon, sure.” aye

“To a wide-eyed lad, the tacky tricks of the world’s most ham-fisted prestidigitator look like miracles. ”

“Steek-Tete in Thunder-clap, thinking just briefly of Mr. C. S. Lewis, and the wonderful wardrobe that took you to Narnia. They did not come out in Narnia.”

“What do you know about what it’s like to spend your whole life on the outside, to be the butt of the joke every time, to always be Carrie at the fuckin prom?”

“It was a simple and perfect bit of wordless communication, the sort people who love each other take for granted.”

“My grandfather had a proverb,” Pimli said. “‘You don’t worry about dropping the eggs until you’re almost home.’” “Was it Emily Dickinson who called hope the thing with feathers? I can’t remember” had a friend, she liked this one. 

“Because the only thing talent wants is to be used.””

“Yet he is content enough. The food is good, and although his sexual appetites have subsided quite a bit over the years, he’s not a bit averse to the odd bonk, just reminding himself”“very time that sim sex is really nothing but accessorized masturbation” I cant help but think this is my future. at least it will be accessorized!

If there’s any movie the Breakers never get enough of, it’s Star Wars.” was this a dig a starwars?  “Roland smiled. “A man who can’t bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them.”  “Yet still I love you and would serve you and even bring the magic again, if you would allow me, for that is how my heart was cast when I rose from the Prim”

“Even if the torture stops, I’ll die. And you’ll die too, for when love leaves the world, all hearts are still. Tell them of my love and tell them of my pain and tell them of my hope, which still lives.”

“Nerves, he thought, were for people who still hadn’t entirely made up their minds.”

“the rest of the tale will be short and brutal compared to all that’s gone before. Because when katet breaks the end always comes quickly.Say sorry” = king does this thing where he makes a statement like this and you start worrying and reading faster and faster “All is forgotten in the stone halls of the dead. These are the rooms of ruin where the spiders spin and the great circuits fall quiet, one by one”

“He used to tell me that never’s the word God listens for when he needs a laugh.”” “Hush,” he whispered, and she did. The hand caught in her hair pulled. She brought her face to his willingly and kissed his living lips one last time. “I . . . will . . . wait for you,” he said, forcing each word out with immense effort.”

“I probably know more about D-cups than D-lines, and I think that’s true of everyone here”  i take the D line home, D cups are more fun. 

“on order from Viking Motors (“The Boys with the Toys”) in Oxford himself.” i think i stopped into this store last fall

“It was also a stick shift, and she had never driven one of those.”

“Roland and Jake were now bracing their hands against the dusty metal dashboard, where a faded sticker proclaimed AMERICA! LOVE IT OR LEAVE! in red white and blue” was once in a bar in south boston and they have this big sign up that says this. i agreed at the time 15 years ago, now i realize it’s against everything i believe in

“You’re in one hell of a hurry, mister—like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. What very important date are you almost too late for?”  I believe this is what is known as The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon

“Despite his sorrow, there were no tears yet; his eyes felt like hot stones in his head. Perhaps the tears would come later, when the truth of what had happened here had a chance to sink in a little”

“He knelt a moment longer with his hands clasped between his knees, thinking he had not understood the true power of sorrow, nor the pain of regret, until this moment.I cannot bear to let him go.”

“It’s what we call poetic license, Roland.”He nodded, showing unexpected (to her, at least) understanding. “Pretty lies,” he said” =pretty lies, i liked that

“If she had trimmed her bush, maybe she would have taken them off. If she’d known, getting up that morning“

“You wouldn’t dump me without at least . . .” She shrugged one shoulder. The gesture made her look very young. “Without at least saying goodbye?”

“The George Washington,” Marian Carver said. “Or just the GWB, if you’re a native.” i used to listen to the traffic reports as a kid and know all these abbreviations, GWB, BQE, LIE, etc

That man had some hard bark on him

“He opened it and slipped inside with no look back. That, he had found, was ever the easiest way.”

“There were photographs of Eddie and Jake in the folders that were simply too painful to look at. Memories were better.”  “nothing so glamorous, just a retreaded adman from upstate New York”

“Then she screamed. There were no words in it, nor could there have been. Our greatest moments of triumph are always inarticulate.”

“Because the body had a way of forgetting the worst things, she supposed, and without the body’s cooperation, all the brain had were memories like faded snapshots.”

“Good boys go to heaven, and all my friends be in t’other place, toastin marshmallows” 

“It felt strange to laugh, but it was a good feeling, like finding something of value long after you were sure it was lost forever.” this resonated with me

“Oy had decided to live. It was a small thing, but it was a good thing.” It was a good choice. it always is. no matter what. 

“not Sheemie, he’s gone into the clearing at the end of the path, say sorry” thought sheemie deserved a better more dramatic end. “After today she’d see him no more. And that was for the best. Still, she would have given anything in her life to have him make love to her again. You could stay at the apartment for a couple of days and rest up,” she said. “I’d stay with you.” And fuck thy brains out, do it please ya, she thought” sex with an ex? yes please. 

““Bet your bottom dollar,” Roland answered”“and was sorry immediately. He’d learned the phrase from Eddie, and saying it hurt.” has this happened to me, using a phases of a departed only to find is satisfying but satisfying at the same time? i think so...

“In the dark, such visions had a horrible persuasiveness, but luckily she was too tired for them to keep her awake long.”

““It hasn’t been a bad life,” Joe was saying. “Not the life I expected, not by any manner or means, but I got a theory—the folks who end up living the lives they expected are more often than not the ones who end up takin sleepin pills or sticking the barrel of a gun in their mouths and pullin the trigger.”

“Laughter, Susannah would reflect later, is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.”

“But what Roland and Susannah and Patrick heard in a major key, Mordred heard in a minor” i liked this. i have  this really really smart friend but he cant understand the difference between major and minor even when i played him some stuff in piano, hes like “i dont get it”

“Beneath a picture of Roland in profile, he had printed: BEATLES, not Beetles.” WOW i never NEVER realized this! im in IDIOT

“She wondered why everything had to be so damn hard, so damn”“riddle-de-dum) mysterious, and knew that was a question to  which she would never find a satisfactory answer . . . except it was the human condition, wasn’t it? The answers that mattered never came easily.” 

“where she’d learned the art of murder and fallen in love and been left bereaved?”

1. “More important than that, it was unworthy of how much he had come to love and respect her. It broke what remained of his heart to think of bidding her goodbye, but if it was what she wanted, what she needed, then he must do it. 

2. “No,” said he, and she saw he truly was not. She believed she had never seen such sadness and such loneliness on a human face. “Never” 3. “For a moment she thought he would make it easy on her, just agree and let her go. Then his anger—no, his despair—broke in a painful burst. “But you can’t be sure! ” 4. “She took him by the arm and pulled him down and put her lips on his. When she inhaled, she took in the breath of a thousand years and ten thousand miles. And yes, she tasted death.” 5. “He put his face in his hands. It occurred to him that if he had never loved them, he would never have felt so alone as this. Yet of all his many regrets, the re-opening of his heart was not among them, even now. She had brought grace to his life. It wasn’t a word that had occurred to him until she was gone.” this whole section where suzanne leaves roland was kinda hard for me to read, a little to close to home. even tho they were just friends, it was very familiar. 

“A hard rain made for queer bedfellows at the inn; had Roland never heard that saying?”

“Or what if he does know her, somewhere far back in his mind, yet still denies her as completely as Peter denied Jesus, because remembering is just too hurtful?”

“She tosses Roland’s revolver into this litter barrel. Doing it hurts her heart, but she never hesitates.” id never be able to do this. 

“His touch is electric, and she sees that he feels it, too. It occurs to her that he is going to kiss her again for the first time, and sleep with her again for the first time, and fall in love with her again for the first time. He may know those things because voices have told him, but she knows them for a far better reason: because those things have”“already happened. Ka is a wheel, Roland said, and now she knows it’s true. This was a sweet part of the book. Reminded me of a lyric “i get the joy of rediscovering you...”

“And will I tell you that these three lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness.”

“One taste of the old times sets all to rights”

“All right. I go. Long days and pleasant nights. May we meet in the clearing at the end of the path when all worlds end.” Thank you.