#thank you for the ask! i've never done one of these!
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off the grid - IV
✰ max verstappen x !driver reader ✰
summary: you strived for nothing but perfection. nothing less was expected from you. being a female formula one driver made it even harder for you to make mistakes. you figured that dating max, your biggest rival yet, wasn't a mistake...right...?
genre: kinda slow-burn? mostly angst, eventual fluff at the end.
wc: 3k
a/n: short chapter bc i wanna focus on the pure fluff in the next chapter, this is just an insight on what happened between the two of them and how they reconciled, hope you like it!!!!! mixed a lil smau in there too
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"i don't know what to do, i'm stuck in a loop, stuck in a loop. i don't know what to do, 'cause i fell in love with you." - chase atlantic, 'you'
"you look like shit," was the first thing lando said when he saw you, you blow him a raspberry and a stink-eye. you raked your hand through your hair as you exit your apartment, he had asked you to go to dinner with him with the other drivers and somehow, even with your big wage, you still didn't have a car so you needed to catch a ride with someone.
"thanks, i think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me," you say as you turn around and close the door behind you, locking the apartment door.
"you haven't been sleeping well?" lando asked curiously, now piqued by interest when you talked about your lack of sleep.
"no, i've been sleeping like shit and my performance is like shit and everything is like shit and all i want to do is sleep but i can't sleep. so cheers to me being a female formula one driver, right?" you asked lando sarcastically as you both started walking to the elevator.
"okay well... before the sleep problem, you've been doing well right? so why don't you go to the doctor and get some... sleeping pills or whatever?" lando asked as he pressed the button to the elevator, putting his hands in his pockets once he was done.
"mate, what the hell do you think i've been doing? i've been popping those pills like it's candy. it's not working," you huff, tonight was not something you were looking forward to. human interaction with more than one person drained your limited energy.
"maybe it's anxiety then?" lando suggested as you shrug, you didn't know what it was. you knew the root of the problem though, but you weren't going to share that with lando.
"fred is going to fire me at the end of this season, i can feel it," you heard the elevator ding and the doors open, it was an empty elevator thankfully.
"that's not fair though, checo's been having two shit seasons in a row but he's not getting fired by red bull," lando commented as both of you get in the elevator, and you shrug once again.
"ferrari is not red bull and checo isn't a female driver—"
a hand stops the elevator doors from closing and you see a familiar dutchman emerge from the doors opening.
"ah max! you live in the same building as y/n?" lando smiles politely at max, those two don't have the friendliest relationship but since the fiascos that happened in 2024.
max smiled at lando and flashed you a quick but polite smile as well, "ah yeah, i live across from her. did she not tell you that?" max asked as he entered the elevator doors as it finally closed, you didn't say anything. your eyes not even on the dutchman but on the doors behind him.
"well she never mentioned it, you're invited to the dinner as well right?" lando perked up when he realized that max did in fact live across from you, you just wanted out of this elevator for once.
"yes, which is why i'm also in this elevator with you, lando," max laughed before the three of you settled in, the elevator ride was short as you reached the basement floor where lando's car was parked and you assumed that max's was there as well.
after a moment of silence and exiting the elevator, max speaks up again, "why don't you guys ride with me? save some gas. i'll drive you home lando."
fuck.
lando had taken the back of max's valkyrie, wanting you to feel comfortable in the front, but what he was oblivious to was the tension between the two of you.
thank god the ride was quite short, you could've died from the tension if that car ride was any longer than ten minutes.
exiting the car was easier than getting inside of it, max's car keys was handed off to valet as the three of you walked inside of the restaurant.
"i think i'm gonna go to the toilet first, you guys go right ahead," lando announced, quickly rushing over to the toilet before you could protest.
your timing is so shit, lando...
max took the opportunity to talk to you, grabbing your hand before you had the chance of even entering the private room the drivers booked.
"can we talk?"
you turned to look at max who was holding your wrist gently, his blue orbs were clouded with something— you couldn't put your finger on it. he just looked so pitiful and sad.
"talk about what?" you ask as you gently tugged your wrist from his grip, crossing your arms in front of your chest. you were full expecting him to rub the issue in your face, that you needed him somehow to keep with your performance.
"you know what i'm talking about, don't act dumb," max looked away and glanced at the private room, knowing that this conversation will soon end after lando rejoins the two of you.
"i don't know what you're talking about," you shrug, feigning stupidity as you turn back around. thankfully max lets it go for now and lets you both enter the room with no more interruptions.
you're met with a table filled with energy, drivers, wives and girlfriends alike cheered as you guys entered the room, all with smiles and greetings.
you smiled politely and greeted everyone as best you could even with your limited energy and conversed with the others.
you were bracing yourself for a eventful night.
you had told everyone that you would retire early and max piped up if you wanted a drive home, but you opted for a walk instead. you wanted to clear your head. then again, the streets of monaco was quiet in the middle of the night.
somehow you found yourself at the start of where the track would've been if it was race week.
you imagined the race cars, the grumble, the cheers, the noise from all the things happening when it was race week.
you remembered the way people screamed when they found out you started on pole that week, the way the headlines wrote itself when you fought hard to get where you were. after two hard and long years in f1, you finally found your breakthrough.
"first woman to win a driver's championship with ferrari"
"first woman to take pole in formula one"
"first woman to score points in formula one"
"first woman to lead a championship"
first woman.
it was etched into your soul.
that monaco win was much needed for your self-esteem. you finally told yourself that maybe you deserved the ferrari, that you clawed your way to the top and you were deserving of all of these titles the fans gave you.
it was short-lived of course, all the other races afterwards were all individual pieces of shit that you couldn't control. whether it was having to do lico because of your overheating engine, or your inability to focus because you felt so tired, everything was going to shit as you reached the end of the season.
you knew the reason why, it was the night terrors that couldn't seem to stop and it made you be too scared to sleep, even with how tired you were.
you just couldn't bring yourself to fall back asleep.
but you knew that if you had just spent one night sleeping at max's—
no he's mad at you. you can't find comfort in him anymore.
your feet naturally followed the track, turn 1, turn 2, turn 3, before you knew it, you were almost back where you started.
it was a good walk, reminiscing of your win in monaco. it was an exhilarating experience, you would've retired right then and there if you could.
suddenly you feel someone following you, but you were too scared to turn around, to look at who it was. it was a bad idea walking the streets along at night, but you didn't particularly care at the moment.
"it's not good walking alone at night, especially if you're a woman," a familiar dutchman's voice rung behind you, you didn't turn around to look. you knew exactly who it was.
you wanted to chuckle at the irony, here you were being scared that a creepy old man wanted a piece of you, but it was the person that gave you the most comfort.
"i think it's creepier that you've been following me around," you say as you continue walking, not wanting to give him time of day, not wanting to hear what he had to say about you or your relationship together.
"i haven't, you didn't notice my car but i saw you walking around aimlessly and i decided to stop and catch you, i just finished dropping lando off," max tells you as he catches up next to you, walking alongside, "can we please talk?"
"i wasn't walking around aimlessly and like i said earlier, there's nothing to talk about," you scoff but that's where max grabs your arm, forcing you to look him in the eye.
you missed him, that was for sure. you didn't fight it this time, just letting him grab your arm as he wanted.
"you haven't been sleeping well," you didn't know how but he made that observation, you didn't want to have this conversation right now.
maybe it was the eyebags underneath your eyes, or maybe it was your performance. you were too scared to confront your feelings and actually say what you felt in front of him. it wasn't the fear that he didn't feel the same way, but what baggage expressing those same feelings would bring.
you were shifting from foot to foot, your eyes were nowhere near max, and then he did the thing.
"look at me when i'm talking to you, y/n," max said softly as he pulled you closer by the arm, hooking his finger underneath your chin to make you look at him, he often did that before when you straight up refused to look at him, "why didn't you come to me?"
"how could i come to you after breaking your heart like that?"
"i still care for you as a friend—"
"so you shut out friends like you did to me?" you ask, your eyes glassy now, tears were threatening to fall.
you were really scared now. you felt like shit after rejecting him like that even when you felt the same way. maybe you couldn't sleep because the fact of the matter was, you caused him heartbreak.
another burden for him to bare, another burden that you gave to him. you hated feeling like a burden to someone else and this was it, you gave that to him. you made him feel like shit and you knew it.
max sighed before looking away then back at you, "i was wrong for that, i just felt hurt. i thought you felt the same way and when monaco happened and you told me you didn't feel the same way, i was crushed."
you felt a drop in your stomach.
you did that to him.
you did that to a person that you cared about deeply.
then you told yourself,
maybe it's alright. maybe i should tell him i felt the same way.
what more pain could i bring other than indirectly telling him that i didn't feel the same way?
what more burden could i possibly bear to give him?
"who told you that i didn't feel the same way?"
"what?"
"i never said i didn't feel the same way, i just told you i was bad with words. i didn't know how to express myself and it hurt seeing you walk away like that when i didn't know what right words to say," you admitted those feelings from all those weeks ago, "i just didn't want to hurt you by the things i couldn't say."
max had that look you knew all to well, relief, excitement almost. he was happy, he thought for all these weeks that you genuinely didn't love him the way he loved you.
he beat himself up for those weeks, putting all of his soul into racing. never resting, never giving him time to think about what happened with you. he didn't want to think about it.
he put all of his energy into his races, making him win back to back to back, even with a "shitbox" (his words not mine). he didn't want to think about you, because if he did, he might've broken down mid-race.
"there were no bad things to say in that situation, you could've just told me how you felt," max breathed out, he was holding his breath before encasing you in a big hug, as if his worries were washed away by the excessive stress you have been giving him.
you stood there, arms gently wrapping around max, melting into the hug, you felt safe in his presence. he was someone that you could be quiet or loud with, someone who could just laugh together along with you over something stupid.
you missed this.
you missed him.
the way he smelt, the way he would touch you, the way he would treat you so gently, as if you could break if he was any rougher.
he took both of his hands and placed them— into your soul.
he was in love with you and he didn't want this night to end.
you placed a gentle kiss on his lips, "can you just take me home? i'm so tired, max."
"i'll take you home, schatje."
when you came to, you were in a pile of tangled limbs, your arms and legs entwined with max's. you spent the night at his, not wanting to return back to your mess of an apartment. you were greeted with polite meows when you did get back to his apartment, the cats happy to see you after so long even though you realistically weren't that far, only barriered between a few steps and a door.
you were the only one awake in his apartment, his cats happily snoozing at the end of the bed with max's face buried in your chest. he was holding you tightly, like you were going to disappear if he let go.
you wanted to chuckle at the thought of that.
you never felt like you meant this much to anyone, and now with max's admission of how he felt for you, you felt at peace for the first time in your life.
last night, he peppered you with kisses until you fell asleep in his arms, not wanting to let him go either. he was a precious man, and you needed to keep him safe at all costs.
your life had been so turbulent, all of the pushing for you to reach the top, all of the abuse you had to go through at home, all of the words you had to hear just because you were a woman when you were racing.
it felt nice to just have to worry about staying at the top.
then you realized, it was the first night you had experienced in the past few weeks that you didn't have a night terror, you slept like a sweet little baby.
your train of thoughts were stopped by a certain sleepy max waking up though.
"when did you wake up, schatje?" max asked, sleep still laced within his voice, you looked down to see a very sleepy max, his cats were starting to wake up too.
"just a few minutes ago, did you sleep well?" you asked max as he laughed before burying his face into your chest again, he shook his head.
"i think i should be asking you that, how do you feel?" max asked as he looked back up, cats now crawling and pawing at max for him to feed them you assumed, but you just planted a kiss on his forehead.
"i slept like a baby, it's the first time i didn't have to worry about night terrors," you told him before he gently untangled his limbs from yours, a soft meow came from sassy, a hungry one.
"we have break for the next three weeks, what do you want to do?" max asked as he sat up from his previous position, tousling with his hair as he always did.
you shrug, sitting up in a similar fashion, not really knowing what you wanted to do. three weeks of absolute freedom accompanied by max sounded like a beautiful experience, but you were just thinking about how well you could sleep, "i don't know, all i can think about is how i'm going to sleep in this bed for the next couple of weeks, i'm not going back to my apartment. maybe it's time for me to change my matress..."
you felt a shove from max, that's when you laughed.
"you slept like a baby thanks to me!" he huffed before pouting, you wished you could take a picture of his dumb face.
you continued laughing as you watch him exit his room and lead his cats to feed them some breakfast, you were surprised you woke up in a timely manner considering that you haven't slept well in weeks.
you decide to get up and start your day, there's isn't a day without starting, right?
max decides on a whim that he wants to plan an impromptu getaway in italy.
"why italy?"
"reminds me of your shit team."
"thanks for reminding me that i have a shit car this season."
yes, that was his reasoning. did you want to smack him? probably.
that's how you were on a jet with max, snoozing happily.
you've realized you haven't really checked your social media recently, you decide to open it up despite a lot of people telling you not to.
that's not good.
liked by 79,000 people.
f1gossip paparazzi pictures from italy has appeared, is that y/n with max verstappen? 0.o
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user1: do my eyes deceive me or is that actually y/n
user2: what are they doing in italy though?
user3: probably enjoying a vacation, why are we speculating their relationship tho,,,,?
user4: did you not slide to the second picture????
user3: yep, i just did. my bad
user5: they look kinda cute together, but do the fia not have regulations for workplace relationships???
user6: i wouldn't think of it if i were them ngl, no other woman has been on the grid before
user7: okay but max looks happy, what is the issue??
user8: yeah some people are in over their heads for no reason
user9: y/nstappen shippers, this is your time to rise.
user10: been here since day 1, they're late
user11: being late to your own ship is crazy
being called by ferrari and red bull simultaneously was a lot to handle.
"you guys have two options, either deny it and not show up in public or announce it," your pr manager had called you the first second you touched down in monaco, you were rubbing your temples and seeing max pace back and forth in the balcony, on a similar call with red bull pr relations.
"or i can just not address it you know, isn't that a good plan?" you scoff sarcastically as jessica tells you that it's a hard no. she tells you further that she wants this issue resolved tomorrow.
you end the call the same time max re-enters the apartment.
"so i think... i was given an ultimatum," max says, he looked a bit sheepish, scared even. you raise an eyebrow.
"announce it or deny right?"
"how'd you know?"
"jessica told me to do the same exact thing, she wants me to die," you groan and bury your head in the sofa throwpillows, you could feel max sit next to you and pat your head.
"well, what do you want to do now?" he asked as he softly gave you reassuring pats, as if to tell you, 'it's okay, i'm here'.
"die."
"y/n."
"BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANNA DO!" you fake-cry as you sit back up right and stare at him, "imagine, the first date we go on, we get caught by paps by me staring lovingly into your pretty blue eyes! kill me!"
"you have pretty eyes too, in your defense—"
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN!"
max holds his hands up in the air in defense before you groan back into your throwpillow, "can't i catch a break? my shitty car with my shittier personal life."
your voice was muffled against the throwpillow, max laughed before speaking up, "so you're saying i'm shitty?"
"no i'm saying my life is going shittily and there's nothing i can do about it," you continue burying your face into the pillow, only releasing yourself from the suffocating position when you needed air.
"you're fine. anyways, do you want me to do it or you do it?"
"ARE YOU CRAZY?"
liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux and 987,000 others!
yourusername this is me neither confirming nor denying to the allegations (also my pr manager forced me to do this!!!!!!!!!!) tagged: maxverstappen1
click to view comments.
maxverstappen1: I did not agree to this.
yourusername: do you want to die?
charles_leclerc: chat are we surprised?
user11: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?
georgerussell: um, yes we are!!!!!!
alexandrasaintmleux: i think you're the only one not surprised hun
alexandrasaintmleux: congrats love!
user12: the caption is crazy
user13: so the paps caught them when they didn't wanna be caught? that's so sad...
user14: i'm actually so happy for you!
oscarpiastri: Not something I expected for my 2025 bingo, but here we are.
user15: WHY DO YOU HAVE A BINGO IN THE FIRST PLACE?????
user16: can we please talk about this comment?
landonorris: So happy for you mate, was that what the tension was in the car? Sexual tension?
maxverstappen1: I know where you live :D
landonorris: That sounds like a vaguely worded threat.
user17: DHUAWHDNAHD???????/
user18: well good morning to you too y/n
yourusername: you think i wanted to do this??
user18: YOU REPLY???
yourusername: WHEN I AM FRUSTRATED, YES.
user18: i think i might die
yourusername: that's what i said to max when my pr manager called me to tell me to announce or deny the relationship.
user19: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS PLEAAAAASSSSSEEEE>>>?<>?>?>
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 890,039 others.
maxverstappen1 Cheers to being exposed by paparazzi when we weren't ready, schatje. tagged: yourusername
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yourusername: i look ugly in the second pic, pls delet :(
maxverstappen1: You look beautiful in every angle, please be quiet
yourusername: ???????
yourusername: ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME ON THE TIMELINE RN?
maxverstappen1: What are you gonna do about it?
yourusername: ??????????????????????
yourusername: 24 year old f1 driver, FOUND DEAD IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF MAX VERSTAPPEN'S POST
landonorris: I wasn't expecting this
maxverstappen1: I still know where you live.
landonorris: Cheers mate!!
user20: oh my god my 433 crumbs
charles_leclerc: the fans can stop the allegations that you're in love with me now
maxverstappen1: Who said I can't love more than one driver?
charles_leclerc: this is where i run
alexandrasaintmleux: @/yourusername your boyfriend is flirting with mine again
yourusername: STOP FLIRTING IN THE COMMENTS SECTION
user21: this is so sweet :(
user22: they really love eachother, huh?
user23: plithhhh, i love the y/nstappen posts, keep em coming T___T
yourusername: i'll try!!!!!
user24: almost all the posts are of them kissing, god when is it my turn?
user25: I'M JEALOUS PLEASE Y/N DATE ME INSTEAD
yourusername: just pick a time and a place baby
user25: Y/N IS FLIRTING WITH ME OH YM GOF
maxverstappen1: Mine >:[
user25: OH MY OFD IM CRYUGN
taglist: @aadu2173 @chelseyyouraverageluigi thank you for enjoying this fic as much as i do writing it :3 just drop a comment if you want to be added to the taglist
#Spotify#max verstappen x yn#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen au#max verstappen fic#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fic rec#max verstappen fics#max x reader#max verstappen#max verstappen fanfiction#max verstappen imagines#formula one#formula 1#f1#leclarifies fics#leclarifies fic
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Ez volt mar itt, olvastam, de nem talalom. Megkerestem a redditen, link lesz a vegen, de legyen meg itt egyben:
My missing husband came home, but I just know it isn't him
My husband went missing six months ago. Just... went out to work one day and never came home. It was a horrible shock to the whole neighbourhood, because things like that just didn't happen in our little slice of white-picket-fence suburbia. The police launched an investigation, and the neighbourhood watch sent out search parties, but no one ever found any evidence to indicate what had happened to him. Our families were devastated. Recently, the missing posters have been taken down or papered over. The updates from the police became less frequent and dwindled away. I accepted that, hard as it was to admit, my Rick wasn't coming back.
Until he did.
A week ago, I was in the back garden watering my petunias when I heard the garden gate creak open. I jerked my head in that direction and- there he was. Exactly the same as he was the day he disappeared. Same windswept blond hair and bright blue eyes, same curl to his pink lips. I was in shock. Our families had mourned for him, and yet there he was, standing in our garden like he had just popped out for milk or something. When I asked where he had been, he said he didn't know. He couldn’t remember anything about the last six months.
All our family and friends are beside themselves with joy. They almost can't believe it. But that's just the thing: I don't believe it.
Look, I understand how crazy this all sounds, I do. Our families would never believe me, and I can’t go to the police unless I want to end up in a straightjacket. But I just know that the man sleeping next to me isn't my husband. I don't know what to do. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm terrified. I don’t know much about anything supernatural or paranormal, I don't even like watching horror movies. But something about this whole situation makes my skin crawl.
Just let me explain why I'm so sure. Once I've done that, hopefully one of you will believe me, and you'll be able to tell me what to do.
The morning after "Rick" came home, I made him a cup of tea. When I handed it to him, he gave me the brightest smile. Then he took a sugar cube from the dish on the table and dropped it into the cup. Our house was in chaos with his return, and I was still in shock, so I didn't think much of it at the time, but its been replaying in my mind ever since. I know it doesn't sound very significant, but my husband never put sugar in his tea. He was always adamant that it ruined the taste, and he'd get so frustrated if I ever put sugar in his cup by accident. And yet, this man had sugar.
Then it was the golf. A few days ago, when he was out visiting his mom, I recorded a golf tournament that was showing on the TV. It was one of Rick's favourite golfers that was competing, and he never missed it. Once, he even skipped out on an anniversary dinner just to watch a championship. Only, when he came home from his parents' and I told him what I'd done, he just seemed... unbothered? Like, he said thanks and everything, and then he asked if I wanted to get dinner. He didn't even watch it, and that’s just so out of character for him.
Then one night I woke up around 2 a.m. to see Rick's face inches from mine just... looking at me with these blank eyes. I kinda gave this nervous laugh and asked "Baby, what are you doing?" And he didn't answer. For like a solid thirty seconds. He just stared, almost like he was looking right through me. Then he suddenly smiled and said, "Sorry, honey. Sometimes I just can’t believe this is real". Then he just rolled over and went to sleep. I didn’t get much sleep after that, myself.
Yesterday, about a week after he came home, the neighbourhood threw a street party to celebrate his return. Everyone from our street and the streets on either side turned up to see him and tell him how happy they are that he's alright. When he wasn't standing with his arm around my waist, he was milling around chatting amicably to each and every one of our neighbours, even the little kids. Jackson, our next-door neighbour Sally's toddler, wanted to play peek-a-boo, and Rick happily played along with a smile on his face. Now, my husband never did that. Rick always said he didn't like kids - that's why we never had any - and so he never wanted to play with any of the neighbourhood children. Especially not Jackson: Rick all but avoided him. Before he disappeared, I had started to suspect it was so I wouldn't see them together and notice the subtle but unmistakable similarities.
The final nail in the coffin, proverbially speaking, was Sally. Just this morning, she came knocking on our door. Her excuse was the tray of brownies she carried, but I think she just wanted to push her way into our morning so that she could see for herself what the situation was. After she left, I called her a nosy busybody. Rick laughed, kissed my head, and agreed with me. That was when I knew for sure that it couldn't really be him. Rick always used to get so mad whenever I insulted Sally, like I didn't have any right to hate her even though she'd been fucking my husband for years. But today there was none of that. He didn’t even try to defend her.
I know what you must be thinking. If he was in an accident or something, he might’ve had some kind of traumatic brain injury that caused him to forget some things about his life, maybe even change his personality. And that's a valid, reasonable explanation. I have no doubt it's what the police would tell me if I reported all this.
But you know why I'm dead certain that man isn't my husband? He doesn't have a scar. If he was really Rick, he'd have a scar on the side of his forehead shaped like the golf club I hit him with. But there's nothing. Not a mark. Honestly, I'm this close to going out tonight and digging up my petunias just to make sure he's still under there.
I don't know what I'm sharing a bed with, but I know it's not my husband. So what the hell am I going to do?
innet
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⋆˚࿔ Look at the camera 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ᴴᵃᵉʳⁱⁿ ˣ ᶠ!ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ
Pairing - Haerin x f!reader
Genre - Fluff
Warnings - No one(?), just small
Synopsis: You've liked Haerin for years, but never had the courage to say it, on a trip you decide you can't keep it to yourself anymore.
The noise of the waves is enough to fill your ears to the point where you no longer hear the now distant voices as you and the feline girl walked side by side. You looked at Haerin only for her to already be looking in your direction, you raised an eyebrow and smiled lightly.
"What?" you asked without looking away from her eyes.
“Just looking, you look beautiful.” your heart raced, even with a simple compliment, just looking at her, her smile, hearing her voice, made your heart race.
“Thank you, you look magnificent” she laughed and looked away, her cheeks becoming pinker.
“Oh, stop it Y/n.” You looked back to the front, her laugh was still in your thoughts.
"Why?"
“It’s making me feel ashamed.” You looked at her again.
Haerin seemed to shine in your eyes, you always saw her different, since you met her, she was different, her smile shined brighter, her eyes were brighter and more eye-catching than everyone else you looked at, you remember exactly the day you you realized you were in love with her.
—
(“Rin!” you called her “I did it! I joined the photography club.” you smiled and the girl smiled along with it.
“Congratulations, you wanted this so bad, I knew you would get in.” She hugged you, you felt your body heat up as she hugged you back, your heart pounded “Your heart is racing.”
“I really wanted that.” she agreed and let you go while looking into your eyes.
“But seriously, I think you should go to the doctor, it felt like it was going to explode, I don’t want my friend to die.”
You will be the reason I die, Kang Haerin.)
—
You grabbed your camera and turned it on.
"Wait." you stopped walking, as soon as you were ready you called her. “Just smile.”
“Wait, my hair is messed up, it’s going to look weird.” you clicked
“It would be weird anyway.” you lowered the camera as you looked at the photo on the screen.
"Hey!" you felt a slap on your shoulder and you just laughed, Haerin's photo mesmerized you.
“You look beautiful.” she looked at the camera.
“You are a great photographer.”
“I could be terrible, you would be beautiful anyway.” You felt her gaze so you turned, your eyes glazed over each other, for a certain moment you felt sparks.
His chest felt like it was going to explode, your heart was racing, body was getting hotter and hotter, your eyes never left the feline girl and for a few seconds they rested on the shorter girl's mouth, but then they soon returned to her eyes. Without realizing it, you were speaking without thinking.
“Haerin…”
“Y/n…” she spoke quietly, still looking into your eyes, you were starting to feel intimidated.
“I… I love you.” she smiled.
"I love you too." you sighed “Didn’t you want me to answer that? Okay, I don't love you, I hate you.”
“Not that, Rin, I…” you took a deep breath and looked down “I really love you, I know I say that all the time, but it's different this time, I've felt this way for a while and I was so scared of you. talk, you're a great friend and I don't want to lose you, but I don't think I can keep this in anymore…” you spoke quickly, too quickly.
The sound of the sea filled your ears again, you felt your eyes burning as your chest sank and your hand still holding the camera ended up slowly falling to your hip.
“Are you done?” You sighed.
“No… I… I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that now, but I don't think I would keep it any longer, I'm really sorry Haerin…” you felt the tears fall, even though she hadn't nothing said, you settled for a “no” without even hearing it. You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your shirt.
“Y/n, look at me.” You denied lightly.
"I am unable."
“Look at me, please.” You felt two of her fingers lift your chin slightly, you looked at her without moving your head anymore. Haerin smiled “I love you.”
The girl's two hands cupped your cheeks and brought your lips together, feeling the softness left you in shock, your hand shook as you closed your eyes a little. Your left hand held Haerin's wrist and you felt her smile against your lips, unfortunately, she pulled away.
“I was waiting for you to say that, I feel that way too, it feels like I'm going to die every time I see you, I love you so much, Y/n” you were in shock and couldn't think it through, it felt like a dream, you couldn't think it through. sentence with real words.
“Oh.”
“Oh.” She smiled, you were still confused.
“Are you really? It is serious?" she agreed “Oh.”
“Oh.” she laughed again “What are we now?”
“I guess… girlfriends?” you spoke quietly, still feeling the feeling of Haerin's lips on yours.
"Serious?"
“Well, will you be my girlfriend?” You smiled lightly.
"Yes!" She spoke loudly and hugged you. You smiled.
The girl you've been in love with for years has accepted your dating proposal, you wouldn't have imagined that a few minutes ago.
You love Kang Haerin, she loves you back.
#newjeans x reader#newjeans#newjeans x you#haerin x reader#kang haerin#newjeans x fem reader#haerin x fem reader#nabinabipumpum
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Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼
(No pressure if you don't want to though!)
Hope you have a good day! ✨
ah damn ok uhhhh i'm still very happy with This Rojade piece, My Murder Boy, this Flight Rising thing, this Julie one, and my DC fantasy fic copper & gold <3
#thank you for the ask! i've never done one of these!#you have a good day as well <3#rambles from the bog#going through my archive has made me confront the fact#that ive drawn more welcome home in the past few months#than i have drawn literally anything else ever#i am Exaggerating a little but also. am i#damn. the fixation is real...#anyway can't say that these are my Favorites since i don't really have any!#unfortunately i either dislike or am at best just Satisfied with everything i make/post#im trying to change that mindset but yk#its tough! i still have a ways to go! i have to work to reach the level i want to achieve!#or at least reach a level where i can look at my creations and feel pride#but im confident ill get there someday#its easier to be content with my writing than my art#i mean i have a ways to go with both but i still think im at present a Better Writer#despite enjoying art far more!#or maybe not at present... my writing skills have atrophied a bit... there is Much i need to practice
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I cannot believe that season. truly just. there was not a single episode I didn't sit down to without a genuine conviction that *this* would be the episode where they spit all over everything I loved about the show. I braced constantly throughout the episodes as they kept setting themselves up for Very Stupid story choices only to pull the rug and go "HAHA surprise, idiot!!! We've given you exactly what you wanted <3". until the final episode which was NOT what I wanted and also exponentially better storytelling and character development than any of the ideal scenarios I'd constructed.
something deeply meta about it all. truly a chaos season for the chaos god, where the most chaotic, unexpected, transformative thing they can do is to be good.
Spent the day processing my love for this season only to have your message sum my thoughts and feelings up perfectly, thank you so very much for sending it 💖
Same as you, not for a second did I go in truly expecting anything from s2. Owen and Mobius have my heart, always will, so primarily the show was a vehicle to provide whatever crumbs of his scenes and chemistry with Tom I could get and with the start of every episode I braced for the moment that would get ruined in some way, only to be continually hit with everything I've ever wanted in a show or pairing right up until the finale. Which, while not what I would've chosen, was beautifully crafted and an almost Shakespearean tragic romance that will haunt me for the rest of my days and is still infinitely better than the nightmare scenarios I'd been floating around in my mind so at least there's that and it's impossible not to be thankful for eps 1-5 for giving content anyone could dream of and more 😅
Besides the obvious ending, I'm mostly crushed our Loki and Mobius didn't get a proper goodbye but honestly believe Loki decided to seek out s1 Mobius instead knowing s2 Mobius loved him too much to ever let his sacrifice happen and it would've been too much to bear, so having made his mind up already he at least tried to visit a version most likely to validate his choice. Just wish the Mobius now waiting until the end of time had at least a similar opportunity, but I'm just thankful he didn't lose his memories and could make his own decision that his faith in Loki is what's carried him before and will continue to do so now.
The flip of their characterization from order or chaos is exactly what has me convinced Lokius will reunite because how can they not with such an open ended future?? Even in separation they revolve around each other and they're the only ones left wanting. Mobius and his life are in ruins with nothing but the passage of time and possibility of some spent with Loki ahead while Loki's surely going to find a way to meet halfway when the choice of order has not only made him potentially the most powerful being in existence but one who spends eternity looking at the only person who ever saw him back.
#cutting this short because it's already longer than expected and i'm about to cry again even though i've done so like a dozen times today 😅#but truly s2 has been the most incredible fun uplifting heartbreaking experience and i'm so thankful to have shared it with you all#have a feeling nothing's going to beat it for me as well which is kind of wild to wrap my mind around??#never gonna be another character like mobius or one who means more to me plus owen is it for me now#and if i could craft a perfect episode of anything start to finish it would be s02e01#the banter their chemistry the touching the sacrifice the perfect balance of plot and humor it's pure love and comfort#what a ride#and thank you again for the loveliest ask!! love hearing what everyone thought of the season and where things can go from here#hope you're having an amazing weekend 💖#ask#loki spoilers
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Don't mind me just spam-liking your art...
Your Satosugu is so gorgeous. I feel it in my soul!
Aaaah thank you so much! It makes me smile by myself every time I get 50+ notifs from the same person, it feels like I'm babbling about my favorite things and someone is nodding their head, agreeing ( ◡‿◡ ) ♡
#ask#ira replies#I've done so much satosugu art by this point I'm honestly impressed when someone likes it all#thank you for the warm and fuzzy feelings#and your likes were actually pretty tame I'll never forget that one user last year who liked every single post I've ever made
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I just realised you posted a gif set a few days ago which is almost exactly the same as one I posted yesterday, like even the description is the exact same?? HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS BEFORE?? Anyway, just wanted to say I didn’t mean to copy you, if you’d like me to edit or delete it, I’m willing to do so!
no omg you're all good!! just saw the post i think u mean and literally everyone with photoshop was using that clip lmao. it's very gif-able and i enjoy seeing it everywhere on the dash (i wasn't the first person to use it and i'm glad i'm not the last, papa is killing it)
the only time i'd ever have an issue with something like this is if an edit (with something more than the standard gif post) got blatantly copied or reposted. but afaik that's never happened thankfully
#i've also done this - posted some sleep token gifs from the same clip that someone else had coincidentally used 2 days before rip#that just happens here#but they were different in number and style etc etc and very few of us own the footage we edit from#so unless it's someone thinking 'oh nice gifs i'm going to make and post identical ones to these'#there's never a problem imo. but thank you for checking anyway hope you're well <3#asks#emeritual
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i am a huge fan of your writing, hot tea is probably one of my favorite works in the fandom! you write etho and bdubs really well, and the ANGST,, such good angst it makes me feel so much EMOTION i love it :D
the way this made me tear up—
this is so sweet! thank you so much :( it's so strange to remember how far that fic has reached and how many friends I made from a fic I wrote. this is so so nice AUGH thank you!! this means the workd, I'm so glad you enjoy what I do and I'm so happy I can continue to do it!
etho and bdubs will always be the most fun to write for me, and I'll never stop squeezing angst out of them <33 I'm so glad you enjoyed my little fic hot tea, it really is my foothold in the ethubs community :3
#RANCHERS NEXT#i'm much less well known there but shout out to my one fic#still never forgetting that it was book-bound#SHOUT OUT!! IT SITS ON MY DESK!!#anyway AUGH this is so so nice i'm honestly so floored thank you :(#i'm so glad you've enjoyed what i've done hearing things like this really makes me keep wanting to write <33#text#asks#anon
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i hate that people seem to value my potential worth with a bachelor's degree ("you'll make more money!" as if my degree program isn't one of the least useful degrees if you're not going into med school) over my mental health. as if monthly OCD-induced and autistic meltdowns aren't bad enough.
it's not like i'm a semester or two away from graduating. i have a couple YEARS left. i'm still technically in my third year in my degree. i can only manage 3 courses at the very most and any more causes me to burn out and my executive dysfunction plummets
#vent#this isn't even mentioning the fact that i NEED. to get out of this house#it feels so selfish to say that but i live with people who either can't or don't want to actually learn#to better themselves#so i live with an extremely ableist person who would rather call my grandparents lazy over acknowleging the fact#that my grams does indeed have several disabilities that cause chronic fatigue and pain#or yells at her (autistic) son because he interrupts her in conversation and doesn't ask about her day#like.... sorry your rsd is so bad you have to passive-aggressively mention how you feel like no one cares#but don't be surprised when you move to the US to be with your partner and you never hear from your son again#not unless YOU call HIM#i can't tell my mom this because this is her sister i'm talking about and those two are so close#i kinda just want to sink into the void rn. i don't know what to do#i really hope i can get my autism assessment done in july or august and then i can maybe not do classes in the fall#i need to speak to a councellor and then my academic advisor#but i think i have enough courses to graduate with my associate's degree#and then i can go to the employment services agency for help finding a job#because it's. it's bad right now#long list of jobs i've applied for and it's like they haven't even reviewed my application#only one of them just went 'nope' and i was like 'okay cool thanks for the email you did not send'#edit this woman is also dating a trump supporter so like
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Can we talk about Justice Lord J'onn for a moment? Because I feel like I was robbed. A Better World could've showcased how J'onn had changed due to loosing yet another person he cares for, and I frequently think about what the conversation between him and his Justice League counterpart would've been like.
Like Justice League J'onn would be so critical of him but he'd be like, "You'll be like me eventually." And that would've scared Justice League J'onn so badly IMO.
I also wish we could've seen more of how people's freedoms were taken in the Justice Lords' universe. Because something tells me Justice Lord J'onn no longer has an issue with using telepathy on those who don't accept the new regime.
YES PLEASSEEEEEEEEE. I can talk about J'onn all day and I can DEFINITELY talk about Lord J'onn omg.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT. He really didn't get enough screentime in the episode. I love love love what he got though and it says a LOT to me about his character tbh. He's very close and even kind of casual with the other Lords and he honestly seems like he doesn't want them to be on the ground [away from the Watchtower where they're protected ??? take it as you will] at least until they convince him it's necessary. He's got no problem lying to outsiders and taking advantage of their trust, and just generally going along with whatever the group decides. He reads kinda "I survived the loss of one family and I won't fail my new one [again]." to me. [this has me thinking like, what if Lord J'onn has this immense guilt bc his morals didn't allow him to read Luthor's mind without permission and that would've prevented Wally's death. SO HE DOESN'T HOLD BACK ANYMORE. fellas he makes me so sad. I make myself sad thinking about it. ow]
OH I TOTALLY AGREE, and to add, I think the conversation in Divided We Fall would be "You're already like me." [ALSO I'M STILL MAD HE'S THE ONLY ONE WE DIDN'T SEE FIGHT IN THAT SCENE.] I've got a little on this coming up in my J'onn ramble part 2 but we can see in JLU that he's already going down that road, however he knows and regrets it, he doesn't WANT to get to that point. So having that version of him that he KNOWS exists, that he's trying so desperately to keep himself from becoming, telling him he's already past that point would be a horrifying wakeup call. And I could easily believe this was a big driving force in why he ends up leaving four episodes later [he DID try to leave at the end of A Knight of Shadows sooooo 👀]. That's not going to go away especially for someone who's so intensely empathetic.
GOOOOOODDDDDDDD, I could genuinely just watch an entire DCAU series about the Justice Lords, they scratch such a specific itch in my brain and I'm so fascinated by them. I 10000000% agree with you. J'onn with no holds barred, J'onn who has lost too much, J'onn who genuinely believes it's him and his family against the world for better or for worse, he's not going to lose anyone else. LOOK AT STARCROSSED. When everything was at stake he didn't just invade Kragger's mind, he DESTROYED it. And J'onn is already incredibly impulsive as is, so if it's going to come down to the safety of his League family or the world ?? Game over. He's not even going to think twice. I actually talked about the telepathy issue in my long analysis and you are 1000% correct. In JLU J'onn already has less and less issue just taking whatever he wants from others' minds, it would genuinely only take a slight push for him to start using his powers to force people into line, so it's easy to assume this is the case for Lord J'onn. And honestly ??? League J'onn is angrier, he's more involved, he's kind of ruthless doing whatever it takes to protect his family [and only stops short because he constantly, consciously knows he has to keep himself in check. even that holds him back less and less as JLU goes on]. I think he'd be even scarier than Lord J'onn had Divided We Fall ended differently. Hell, he nearly sacrificed the world once, and that was way before he really saw the worst humanity had to offer.
or perhaps Lord J'onn was the same way at the same point in his timeline, and we just saw him after the world was already secured and he could sit back a little ?? that could explain a lot tbh. like I said, I could talk circles about him 😂
#this ask fucked me up thank you <3#I've considered rewriting my answer like 4 times i need to put this one down now#every time i write one thing my brain branches off to 25 different related thoughts#send help#THE BRAINROT IS SO BADDDDDDD LMAO#justice lords#dcau#j'onn j'onzz#martian manhunter#j'onn my beloved#jltas#jlu#ratkingresponds#sorry if this is totally incoherent i keep going back and adding more thoughts at random#im just talking out my characterization thought process at this point 😭😭#i just keep thinking about the task force x fight when he is genuinely hurting them#he's NEVER done that kind of physical harm to a human before#and he doesn't even fucking hesitate#like dude he's already so far gone and he barely realizes it anymore#uuuuughghghghh i gotta turn my brain off LMAO
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there is far too much information out there for me to hold onto all the time and I don't stay in the spn fandom consistently anyway, but someone said in a random comment that jensen ackles was the one who hates gays the most out of the three (assuming they meant j2m), and I just wanna know, are there receipts for that? just cause I had no idea that that was a viewpoint tbh. might be my own lack of research ig I dunno
#spn#winchesters cw#destiel#jensen ackles#jackles#please stop replying with “jensen is a strong lgbtqiaaap+++ ally” i am queer I AM NOT ASKING WHAT HE'S DONE AS AN ALLY I AM ASKING ABOUT#HIM BEING WORSE THAN JARPAD OR MISHA#i'm frustrated can you see#no literally I've been in the fandom for years I am aware but that iS noT whAt im tALkING abOut#I guess I didn't make it clear enough but also people are defensive and I Know why but uuughhhhh I want actual responses not the same thing#over and over again#might delete the post tbh#if one more person tells me about his foundations istg#NOT WHAT I ASKED FOR THANK YOU#never accused him so pls stop acting like I ammm tyty
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so after some contemplation (and a nice, very warm shower - along with decompressing by watching some Laat Week Tonight lol) I've decided that it's probably best for me to stop overthinking and letting myself fall into a mental spiral from the whole situation.
Because I was.... heavily unregulated and sort of unreasonable over the whole thing. I have incredibly bad anxiety, and it got to the point where I was imagining that he was forced to do things (such as change his discord settings and stop talking to me) when in truth that is highly unlikely.
I cannot put it aby better than I was spiraling, and needed to find stability.
Like how the hell am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know what's happening? It doesn't help me to be so attached and so incredibly worked up from everything I notice and see. I felt like I was being almost downright creepy. I was driving myself into a very bad mental state, and i need to step back.
Stop being so incredibly attached to something I simply do not have control over.
So, obviously i will continue to be here and wait for when he returns. But I need to detach from this idea that i actually know him and his whole life, down to everything happening in his everyday life and that this is incredibly "abnormal". I simply need a break from this, it's too much mental strain on me and probably even him.
I sent a message asking if he was okay, and that's all i can do. Spiraling out of control won't help me or him at all.
#so yeah that's just something I've had to work out with myself#I let myself become incredibly vulnerable that I forgot that I come first#not him really :/#if he isn't texting me I can't force him to do so. He has his own autonomy.#Being in a relationship is HARD#I had no idea this kind of shit was lying underneath the surface 💀💀💀#Like when i really think about it i have never had someone i could fully open up to in my life#so having someone like that made me incredibly attached#so this has been quite a rough time for me learning things I've known but haven't quite realizes#(low key imagined my own worries being one of my friends and they were asking me for advice. Best thing I have ever done ✨️)#thank you to those who reached out with your kindness. Sometimes I use this page to vent (my poor notes app LMAO)#and it really touches me when someone reaches out ♡#Regardless#I'm just trying my best here. Trying to understand what healthy relationship boundaries are and work through it all#You know... it just makes me think about all of the examples of love I've been shown in my life#and i feel like they are trying work into my relationships too#like BITCH#NO#I'm trying to be happy not stressed#and I think what really brought me to start working through why is because a relationship shouldn't bring you to your knees#crying over them and what's happening#I love him to death but DAMN#this isn't healthy#this feels like something everyone assumes but others just don't get#like my dumbass#this was incredibly stressful but it was an important lesson to learn#my poor tags 💀#anyways thank you for reading my relationship Ted talk B)#bye#human override.txt
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Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)
oh dear lord
ughhhhh, well:
1. i like my taste in music ig? lol, an obvious answer, but seriously. i'm especially proud of how in the recent couple of years i've been trying to listen to more new (for me) music, instead of listening to the same couple of artists over and over again 'till i'm sick of them lmao. i still have lots and lots to discover, what i listen to is not as diverse as i would like etc. etc. but i'm getting there! no point in rushing this, it's not a competition x) (i recently stumbled upon a post from 4 years ago, where i was asked to list my 9 favorite albums, and... let's say there's been a lot of improvement, that list is vile lmaoo)
2. feels kinda douchey to admit this, but i like my art. it's not perfect obviously, and i have a lot yet to learn, but i enjoy what i'm able to create. there is a lot of frustration from time to time, of course, but i wouldn't do it if i didn't enjoy it, would i?
3. i think i'm a pretty approachable, peaceful person, sometimes too kind for my own good. i'm patient with people and don't seek confrontation. it has it's own downsides sometimes, because i'm also a huge people pleaser, but i'm working on finding a good balance between kindness and knowing when to tell someone to fuck off lol
4. running out of thoughts, hm... maybe my perfectionism? i usually hate it and it brings me a lot of frustration and anxiety, but i guess it can be a good thing sometimes, too. if someone asks me to help them out with something, i'll try to do my best? maybe that, idk
5. and as the last thing here's something a lil bit more vain: i like my body :} i might be not so happy about my face from time to time (though i like it more often nowadays than not. we're stuck together forever so it's not like there's any choice but to learn to appreciate it for what it is lol), but at least i'm happy with my physique!
#this turned out to be way longer than i expected oops#you can tell how i've been lonely lately by the length of this post lmaoo#feels incredibly awkward to talk about myself in positive light#but that's the point so thanks for this!#step by step little by little we'll learn how to accept us for what we are#that some of our weaknesses can be our strength when viewed from another point of view#easier said than done though..#ok i'll stop right there or i'll never shut up#tags; asks; etc.#<- i hope i won't forget this one later
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"Why are you wearing a crown made out of thorns on your head?"
❝ Hah? 'Da fuck ya talkin' 'bout? I ain't wearin' no crown. Bein' a KING 's Grimmjow's delusion. ❞
#ofbatissims#[ WELP never had anyone comment on my header image before xD ]#[ it's meant to be more symbolic ]#[ also just one of my fav artworks i've done for him ]#[ THO IT'S V OLD ]#[ thank you for the ask! 8) ]#despair for me. ╱ in character.#the praying mantis. ╱ canon verse.#talking shit. ╱ answers.
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Argh.
#It is so ridiculous that this kid has FIVE parental figures and I'm the only one who's actually a good 'parent' to them#One other of the parental figures I've spent a few YEARS brute-forcing into being better at it and have to constantly keep doing so#And one of the other ones is just selfish and oblivious and overbearing and kind of useless and more like a kid than a parent#And the last 2 are actively abusive and just fucking terrible people who make the kids' life - and my life for that matter - a nightmare#How am I the only one who is any good at this??#I have no training or experience except a) being very good at loving cats and b) being raised in a horrible nightmarish abusive home#So I'm basically doing what MY family should have done for ME#And it's not fair bc I'm fighting the others every fucking step of the way just to TRY to make this kid's life less miserable than mine was#Like it is such a battle#And it is like a revolutionary unheard-of never-occurred-to-them concept for me to say 'Have you asked [kid] what they want?'#Bc they all automatically go for power struggles and selfishness and treating the kid like a possession#And it's only the one other 'parent' who will even fucking listen to me!#Like it took me a year just to reach the point where this kid trusted me enough to say 'no thanks' about anything#And w/ the parent who sometimes listens to me - the most constant freaking thing I do is ask 'Why?' bc they usually have no actual REASON#No legitimate reason for this rule they've decided or thing they've refused or anything! Just limiting the kid's life bc of how THEY feel#But also like if the kid says something would make a situation worse or better or whatever I freaking listen to them#Bc they have greater insight into the situation bc it's their freaking life and their experiences!#And when they want to spend literal hours describing their new video game I listen and inquire and comment on the cool parts!#And I don't give them 'orders' or anything bc what they have lost the most in this shitty situation is the right to have ANY agency#I always ask before I do things even just opening a drawer to look for a concealer they borrowed bc it's essential to respect their privacy#Bc they don't GET any from anybody else!!!!!#I literally have had to have so many arguments with the other half-decent parent just to get them to stop going through their stuff!#And again the other 3 people are frankly fucking terrible#Actively negative#Two of them actively evil#And yes I've tried to get authorities involved many times but they fucking refuse to do anything I've tried over and over and OVER#So I'm parenting this kid bc holy shit no one else is any good at it#And I'm so angry and tired and upset and I love them so much and can't fix this other shit for them#And I'm so flabbergasted that out of 5 ppl I'm it: the only decent parent#It's not fair to this kid
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I hope you are doing well
Did I- Did I make it seem like I'm going crazy or something? Like yes I am okay, I promise.
Well, no. I lied, but I'm not worse than normal. I have always been this deranged. It is not out of the ordinary. Why the concerns now?
But thank you anyways, I hope you're doing well too.
#but also like I had 10 different people literally go through my entire catalog of writings and likes and read everything on multiple days#and not a single fucking comment or even a follow#my content is free yes but fuck it is irritating to watch someone consume it all and spend literal hours reading everything I have to offer#things that took me days to write#and they just leave after they're done? with nothing? not a thank you or a fuck you even?#to add insult to injury it's just the meme posts that get comments#sometimes I wanna pull the plug. remove everything I have ever written because no one deserves my effort#but I remind myself it's just the bpd and I'm not like this. these emotions aren't supposed to go this extreme.#then there is the mass effect blog where the sigle time someone sends any ask is to correct me about something they think I'm wrong at#and I remember how this is all started out of love. pure genuine love and passion#but it got reduced to content rather than art. I'm just tired#videogames are nice tho. characters are nice when I land a headshot#and I hate lying. i hate trying to stay inside this bubble of social politeness and never speak about what's effecting me#because it's not seen as cool to be honest with your audience. it's not professional for an artist to feel entitled to interactions#i am always like this. this isn't new. and I'm losing interest.#i will only write whatever fics left I've always wanted to write#do a couple requests then maybe it's time to turn the lights off#not saying I'll abandon this blog but I will definitely update slower and slower because I'm here because I love what I do. i love writing.#and when that love runs out I'll go do something else until another fandom pulls me in#Sol was nice. i love them and I will definitely keep them in my heart
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