#thank you for engaging with my post I am imagining every single one of the tags as I read them like it's a montage

[numbuh424]

pure joy and amusement rn just reading the different kinds of hobbies everyone thinks near would get into. you're all correct.

[roseykat]

TITLE: Venom Eater

SUMMARY: Moving on proves its challenges. Not everyone has the ability to accept that what happened, happened - and what was, was. So as you try to lead a new life, single and trying to heal, the journey proves to be far from easy. It’s worse than difficult and more painful than what you could’ve imagined. The only comforting source is that what will be, will be. And there’s no changing that.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with me, my work, or page whatsoever.

TAGS: mentions of breakups, exes, angst, arguments, swearing, smut, slices of life here and there, alcohol (Jisung is drunk but there isn’t much detail on it), confrontation.

WC: 6K+

TAGLIST: @emikisses @linos-kitten @chansbabygirlsstuff @lixiespick @frogieeheart @/fuckthinking @nimx9 @/shishou1687 @inniescandy-01 @konstanceee @/rose13255 @queenmea604

Venom Biter (Part 1) | MASTERLIST

A/N: the long-awaited part 2 to Venom Biter! This was originally meant to be longer but I decided that I wanted to flesh out the plot a little bit more so things will get worse and or better who knows…

There’s never a grey area about what people do after a terrible breakup. It’s always black and white. Whether someone cuts their hair, dyes it, alters their aesthetic, or goes on holiday to escape the reality. 

The gym can make for the perfect best friend to subtly take revenge on someone a person once had.

But your new best friend was Tinder. A platform of opportunities to explore and select at your perusal. Providing you with gorgeous men who were looking to fuck and nothing more than that. If Tinder wasn’t the buzz for you that night, it would be going out with friends - friends that didn’t include ones that you made through Minho. 

These ones’ you would only see about once every three months then band together again as if nothing has changed in the space between. It’s not awkward when you’re around them and so far, it has taken your mind off the past two months. Since then, your connection with Minho has been one of which where-

“God fuck I’m cumming!”

Minho knows he is too when his eyes screwed shut, laying back as he lets you use his cock, “shit, so am I,” he breathes out, watching you roll your hips in a frantic craze to get yourself over the edge. You miss this. 

The way that you squeeze around him is the final straw that breaks the camel's back. Minho swears towards the ceiling, back arching as his dick glides in deeper. Within a couple of seconds, his vision flashes just as white as your insides that he fills. 

The top half of your body flops forward onto his chest, spent from the past fifteen minutes that you’ve been riding him non-stop. Now it’s almost possible to hear the rapid thumping of his heartbeat that violently bashes from within. Not wanting to stay in that position for any longer, you peel yourself back, hopping off his body. 

“I need you out by seven,” you declare, picking up his sweatpants and t-shirt from the floor and then throwing them right at him. 

Minho grumbles but doesn’t flinch, “seven? Fucking hell.”

“Well, I have to go to work so you’re not staying.” 

“I figured that,” he fusses before sitting up. “At least let me use your gym here.” 

You pause for a second to look at him, wondering where he gets his audacity from sometimes, “fine.” 

“Thank you,” he replies then starts donning his clothes as you make your way to the bathroom for a hot shower. 

This is what it’s been like for a while now - a pernicious seesaw effect of meeting up with Minho, sleeping with him (usually in the mornings), and going about your day as if he wasn’t in your guts twenty minutes ago. 

It’s always a good feeling in the moment but after, there’s a lingering icky weight that you’re tirelessly towing along with you wherever you go. You’re not sure if Minho feels the same because even though you’ve talked to him a few times, there’s no talk of each other's feelings anymore. It’s not that neither of you are ready for that looming and tender conversation. It’s just as if there’s no point. 

By the time you were out of the shower, Minho was still on the edge of your bed, fully clothed and ready to leave. 

“I’m not making you breakfast,” you say to him, wrapping the towel around your body a little tighter. 

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting you to,” he responds. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Can it wait until the end of the day, because I need to get ready for work.”

He groans, getting fed up, “surely you can get ready and listen at the same time.” 

You rustle through your drawers for a pair of underwear and bra, “to other people maybe.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you want to use the gym, go now,” you instruct sternly, hoping that he’ll just disappear. 

When he detects that he can’t get through to you right now, he gives up. It’s too early to argue, so places his hand on the door handle, opening it for himself to leave and head down to the first floor, leaving you to prepare for another day’s work in peace.

After a quick breakfast, getting dressed and decent, you grab your bags and depart. On your way out, you spot Minho using the weights while you dart past the foyer, briefly thinking about how the time to cut him off is fast approaching. 

You can’t keep doing this. There’s no way to move on if you’re both still latched onto each other's ankles like how kids are with their parents. That need for one another is still present. 

“Who even am I when I’m not with you?” Minho asked you two weeks into sleeping with him again after breaking up. His comment sums up the reason of ‘why you decide to keep running back to each other’.

It’s not a hard statement to understand. You’ve been with Minho for a long time, you’re both still young and haven’t dated anyone else except between yourselves. It’s like being a dog that was never socialised as a puppy, unable to interact with others because it’s not sure how. 

Suppose it’s the fear and anxiety that comes with separating from your favourite person. 

The world and society have become scarier than it previously was and life is not as secure when you’re not with the person who can shield you from those things. There’s no comfort, only pure vulnerability, and what better way to feel protected than to return to a lover even when there’s nothing but a feeble spark that’s left over from what was once a blazing forest fire. 

Seungmin challenges that particular view of yours at dinner with Felix as well after a long day at work. He wanted to see where you were coming from but also because he’s there to force feed you the icy, sobering truth when you don’t want to hear it. 

“If there’s no romance, what’s the point of going back to each other?” he asks. 

“They were dating for years Seungmin, you don’t just get over someone that quickly,” Felix responds instead like he was the one being offended.

Dissimilar to Seungmin, Lix will let you down gently and is afraid to hurt you with the sharp use of words that can be sometimes. 

“Supposedly,” you mutter to yourself knowing full well how fast it was for Minho to just go ahead and fuck someone else after you had broken up. 

“Do you still love him?” Seungmin questions swiftly. 

“No,” you respond promptly. 

“If there was an opportunity to get back together with him, would you go for it?” 

“No,” you answer again. “I couldn’t.” 

Felix blinks, not expecting that answer, “well…then…”

“Then stop seeing him if you know what’s good for you,” Seungmin continues. “Those icky feelings that you get after sleeping with him - not good. That’s the regret you’re experiencing and it’ll never feel any better.”

There’s no crack or fault in his advice. Had you not dished out the truth about the details of your messy breakup before and after, you would’ve still been glued to the same spot. It’s important to have someone humble you, and there’s no better person to do that than Seungmin. 

“Just keep thinking about it, okay? On another note, Hyunjin’s coming back from France next week so we’re having a dinner and drinks,” Seungmin mentions. 

Your mind briefly departs from the subject of your ex, “is he? Has it really been that long?”

“Yeah,” Felix replies, also surprised. “You’re coming right? We’re going to have a few drinks too, and catch up.”

“What time?” You ask.

“Around six,” Seungmin answers. “Does Minho know?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” you shrug, the thought of him returning to your mind once again. “I don’t know if he’d have any interest in going since they’re not friends anymore.” 

Felix recalls that factor, “that’s right. But, if the rest of us are going to be there, we should invite him too, no? Unless it’s too difficult for y-”

“It won’t be difficult,” you reply, punctuating the rest of Felix’s sentence a little too quickly. “He and I can get along for about…ten minutes before things go sour. Plus, I don’t mind not going if he wants to. I can always catch up with Hyunjin another day.” 

“You’re our friend too, remember? Don’t let your asshole of an ex-boyfriend stop you from seeing us. You broke up with him, not us,” Seungmin sends you a powerful reminder. “I’ll have a chat with him so that you don’t have to.”

He has a full understanding that if you and Minho were to attempt another civil conversation, it’ll go haywire and lead to more regret that you don’t need to be feeling right now. It just goes to prove that he’s beyond correct to even assume that fact.

The minute you both try to convey how or what it is that you’re both feeling, tensions boil over. For some reason that tension is only resolved by being bent over the nearest surface and fucking it out together. 

It’s not healthy. 

You go to remind Minho of what he did to you which he hates hearing, not because he denies it but because he does truly feel guilty. His only saving grace to that argument was that you had both technically broken up, meaning there were no ties to one another afterwards. Still, he missed the point of the fact that he hurt you as a result of those actions. It was too fresh to have done that to you.

Even when he recognised that factor, it was hard for him to accept that he actually caused you some form of irreversible emotional harm

However, Seungmin was right in the fact that you broke up with Minho and not your friend which enabled you to leave that dinner feeling a bit better and with a clearer judgement about going forward with a decision to cut all ties with Minho. It wasn’t something to look forward to. 

But what was, is the dinner in the upcoming week. It’s the prime opportunity to see everyone again for the first time in over a month. 

Despite your collection of text messages and calls from the likes of Chan, Jisung, Changbin and others, it was hard to associate yourselves with them in fear that all they’ll do is unintentionally remind you of Minho. It was the same way he felt when he was clearing out his house - not wanting to be around anyone or anything that would refresh his memory of you. 

Now, all you want to do is move on. 

Work had a helping hand in that process. Having been so busy with things piling up, your mind was free from Minho during the day. You were able to focus on tasks instead of wallowing and thinking about whether or not to give him a second chance

If it weren’t for Seungmin texting you the details of the upcoming dinner, work-life would’ve swallowed you up whole and made you forget. 

From Minnie: 6 pm we’re meeting up, Also, just a heads up, Minho said he’s coming. Take it with a grain of salt though bc he might change his mind. 

To Minnie: Thank you :)

You inhale a breath of fresh air. Going to this dinner was necessary whether it was going to be difficult or not. The presence of Minho wasn’t going to stop you from seeing your friends, and with that, you decide to get ready and head straight to the venue. 

The restaurant has a separate open area for functions and tables people can book out. The dim golden lighting brings a warm and cosy vibe to the venue, coupled with a beautiful earthy aroma from reed diffusers distributed around the place and the smell of promised good food. It’s a relatively fancy setting, but not to a degree where you would be denied entry if you didn’t meet a dress code. 

As you walk further down, you can already see Chan and Jisung chatting up a storm in the corner while they wait for the others. It’s a relief that not many people have made it so far in order to keep as low of a profile as possible and to not draw attention to yourself. However, little by little, they will definitely notice you’re there. 

Jisung is the first to spot you, his jaw becomes unhinged as he drags himself out of the booth, speeds over with his face lit up, and throws his arms around you in a bone crushing hug. He nearly squeezes and shifts all of your organs out of place. 

“Do you know how much I’ve missed you?” he exclaims loudly in your ear. 

Chan laughs in the distance at his best friend's behaviour, “let her breathe Jisung.” 

He releases your body for a rush of oxygen to surge back to your brain, “sorry, I just can’t help the fact that I haven’t seen you in a month!” 

“You Facetimed me Jisung,” reminding him of that one and only time you accepted him reaching out to you to see if you were okay. 

“That’s completely different, anyway sit down,” he offers. “I’ll get you a drink.” 

Without wanting to hear any protest from you, Jisung darts off to the bar nearby, ordering a beverage or two. Chan then waves out, ushering you to come and sit before you walk towards the booth. 

“If I had gone another week without seeing you, I’d probably start to forget what you look like,” Chan jokes, patting his hand down on the space of cushion beside him for you to sit. 

“That wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” you respond. 

The second you’re seated, you can already feel Chan’s mind trying to intrude yours. There’s no point in lying to him when he’s akin to one of those Occlumens from Harry Potter, an all knowing person who can hear every one of your thoughts at will. Regardless of the fact that he’s not, it’s his parental nature which exudes that. 

“Going okay?” He asks you. 

You take a deep breath in and sigh out, “I could be worse.”

“You’re still here though,” he responds wisely. “And so are we.” 

Chan never wanted to ask why you never told them or came to them when you first broke up with Minho. They all had to find out through one another then needed to text or ring you to confirm that it was actually real. However, they all knew that you must’ve had your reasons. Naturally, it would’ve been tough to accept let alone leaning on your close friends for support. 

“Thank you,” you respond. 

“Here we go,” Jisung calls out, carefully returning with two different types of cocktails. “They’re both strong as hell so don’t try to choose.” 

“Not that you’d have it any other way right?” you reply, helping him with the glasses as he sits down beside you. 

He pats your head as he goes to sit down and slings his arm around your shoulder, “you know me too well. Anyway, Changbin and Hyunjin are here. He just texted me before.” 

Chan sulks, “what? No! he was supposed to wait until everyone else was here.” 

“To be fair, they were meant to be here twenty minutes ago so Changbin is actually on time,” Jisung responds. “Anyway, how are you missy?” 

“Better now that I’m with you guys,” you answer, giving him a bit of a friendly nudge before leaning into him.

Jisung grins, genuinely relieved on the inside to hear that you are. Not that you have been able to notice, but they were all worried for you at one point. The lack of information regarding your whereabouts or even the state of your well-being was concerning. It was almost like you had dropped off the face of the earth at one point, right up until you finally made the decision to start accepting people trying to contact you. 

Unfortunately for your friends, they had to learn about what you were up to through Minho, and even today, you’re not sure if what he said to them was the truth. Nonetheless, they all knew at the end of the day, if they were ever unsure or suspicious of what he was feeding to them, they were mature enough to come to you to double check. If��they were able to get through to you. 

“Good. Now come back and hang out with me because these guys are boring.” 

Chan goes to lift a finger and point across at Jisung to object his statement before Changbin rounds the corner with Hyunjin trailing at his side. 

The last you saw him was some five years ago, just before he went away to an arts’ school in France to study. Now he returns taller with much more cut and distinct features and a head of light brown hair that’s visibly eclipsed his natural jet-black colour. Despite that, he also seems softer or shy when he gives everyone at the table a half smile. 

“Who’d you say was boring?” Changbin prods into the conversation. 

Jisung points up with his beverage in hand, “you and Hyunjin!”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows knit together with worry, “is he drunk already?” 

A bright smile fashions on Changbin’s face when he notices you, “Y//N! Now it’s two welcome home parties!” 

Hyunjin turns to look down at you in surprise, “have you been away as well?”

His question serves as a reminder that he has been relatively out of the loop since he’s been gone – not that you expected him to be fully aware of everything since he probably had better things to do. Hyunjin was still active in the group chat, but none of you prefer to communicate that way when hanging out is the better option. Whilst he’s missed out on a lot of stuff that’s happened, he hasn’t been so oblivious to other things. 

“Not exactly,” you respond awkwardly. “But welcome back by the way.”

He smiles softly, “thank you.”

The get-together officially kicked off when Jeongin, Seungmin, and Felix arrived just before the second round of drinks was ordered. Everyone was happy to have Hyunjin back. Even for you, it was nice to see him again after so long – it was nice to see everyone in general. The setting was reminiscent of old times when everyone banded together. Whether it was at karaoke, dinner, a bar, someone’s house, or at some event, it’s always a good feeling when you’re around them. 

It leads you to feel slightly upset that you haven’t seen them in so long. You’ve missed hearing their laughs, their jokes, and the safety that you feel too. But for a very painfully obvious reason, none of it seems to be the same without Minho. 

“Didn’t show up did he?” Seungmin, who had been chatting up a storm with someone at the bar, walks over and takes a seat opposite you at the cornered booth. Just about all of them were alternating from the table to the bar, and a space they’d found to stand up to talk, or in Jisung’s case, dance by himself. 

“Mm,” you mumble. “Which I’m sure is a good thing.” 

He shrugs carelessly but with a small grin, “for your benefit. Not that I’m an expert in relationship problems but I can speak from personal experience.” 

“That’s true,” you respond, remembering that he has in fact had his heart broken a few times by the same person. 

Luckily for him, he’s ceased the chase and gave an account the other day at dinner of how freeing it was to be his own individual. It’s something you can only hope to achieve at this point – to be liberated from that sticky dependency you have on Minho. 

It’s not love that you feel for him anymore, you’re sure of it. But it’s similar to a violent craving. His skin, voice – oh his voice. Everything about his body has you itching under the surface to have him by your side even though things end in a fiery argument, which is usually how it goes. 

It wasn’t love anymore. It was dependency. A type of separation anxiety that fills you up with this icy cold feeling that won’t go away until you specifically have Minho near you. Still, deep down, you knew you didn’t love him anymore. 

“Is Jisung okay?” Hyunjin ticks his head towards his friends’ direction. 

Judging by the fact that Chan was holding a barely conscious Jisung up was a clear indicator that he definitely wasn’t okay. Never has he been able to handle his alcohol well and it was evident by the lack of control over his own body. 

Seungmin looks over concernedly then looks down at his phone to check the time, “shit, I have to take him home too.” 

He abandons you briefly to help out Chan. Both of them collectively agree that Jisung needs to go home or at the very least be removed from the bar to sober up. They take him to an empty table nearby and ask the bartender for some water. Meanwhile, Hyunjin turns a blind eye to the chaos and talks to you instead.

“How have you been Y/N?” He asks. 

“Yeah, good. You? How was France?”

By the look on his face, it was as if your question brought back a whole heap of good memories to the forefront of his mind, “I couldn’t have asked for a better experience.” 

“That’s good to hear,” you reply. “So have you graduated already?” 

“Three months from now I will be,” he answers. “Why? You wanna come watch me walk across the stage over there?” 

You consider his offer, “what if I said ‘yes’ to that?” 

“Then I’d be over the moon,” Hyunjin emphasises then offers a brilliant suggestion that springs into his mind. “In turn, maybe I can show you around France and all the places I went to.”

“Is that a deal then?” 

“Sounds like a solid deal to me,” he responds and whether he was joking or not, either way, it seemed a pleasant idea. 

During the last hour of the dinner, you spent having an in-depth conversation with Hyunjin. From what he got up to in France, what he wants to do in the future, then covered what you’ve been doing as well

The topic of your ex-boyfriend was difficult to navigate, but you managed it well by diverting to another subject. The last thing you wanted to talk about was Minho for fear that the more you think about him, the more you’d want him. 

Then again, you’re reminded once more of the fact that Hyunjin and Minho aren’t friends. He may not have any interest in him whatsoever. But it’s not like they left each other on horrendous terms. Not like how you and Minho did. Plus, it’s hard to see this fresh shade of Hyunjin in front of you, hating anyone he doesn’t like or doesn’t know. 

The Hyunjin from five years ago would’ve held a grudge, but now you can see by his shift in personality, that he’s let it go. 

When it came down to having to leave, everyone seemed to have their own plans. Seungmin would have the misfortune of taking care of Jisung. Felix, Jeongin, Hyunjin, and Changbin decided to go bar hopping while they were still stable on their feet and even encouraged you to come with them. It took a lot of convincing to tell them ‘no’ after you were set on heading home to the comfort of your own space.  

Seungmin assured Chan that he was fine to handle Jisung, then thought it would be a polite gesture to accompany your side when you decided to walk home, regardless if it was only a minute's commute from the restaurant. 

“How are you holding up?” Chan addresses the elephant in the room. 

His question could be seen a mile away. It made you wonder if that was the reason he chose to walk you home since his place is in the opposite direction. Although he wasn’t confronting you, that’s exactly what it felt like. 

“Somewhat okay, I suppose,” you answer. 

“No, how are you really? We see Minho all the time. In fact, he won’t leave us alone. But we haven’t seen you,” he responds. “You can still hang out with us you know?” 

“I know that,” you almost whine, especially after offering your ear to Jisung just for him to repeat the same words for over two hours. “I’ve been busy.” 

“I guess being busy is a positive.”

“It’s when there’s nothing to do or I don’t feel good and I don’t have anyone around,” you respond and both come to a halt when you reach the entrance to your apartment building. “That’s the hardest.”

“That’s when you call us,” Chan says strictly. “I know you know this too, but all of us would drop whatever it is that we’re doing to come and help you. Not just Minho, even though I had some reservations about seeing him after what he did.” 

The last parts of his words surprised you. Chan actually thought about cutting Minho off too when he found out what happened…

“So he did tell you everything.”

“Everything,” he confirms. “Including everything that you’ve both been up to now. Like how you still see each other now and then – and not for the reasons I had hoped. So why do you keep seeing him when you want to move on?”

Your eyes narrow at him, “how do you even know that I want to move on?” 

“The fact that you still sleep with him but won’t pursue any sort of communication to get back with him romantically, says a lot Y/N. And I know that because he’s told me,” Chan answers bitterly, but not in a nasty way. “Your body might miss him, but I know your mind doesn’t.”

He’s bitten through the truth which you can’t seem to, his elderly brother-type personality forces you to see reason. You’d be offended if Minho tried to initiate a conversation about wanting to get back together, knowing that he’s not in any position to be making requests after what he did. 

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You ask tiredly. 

“I want what’s best for you,” he says. “Yes, Minho too in some way, but I told him he needed to figure out what he did on his own because I can’t help him with that. That’s his punishment.” 

You supress a laugh, “thank you.” 

Your short talk with Chan made you realise how empty your cup had been since you last saw him – since you last saw all of your friends under one roof. It was rewarding and it felt like home to be near them. However, his words weren’t there for you to just defer from. You had to listen to him. He was right in saying that your body misses Minho but your mind doesn’t because the next time he came around, you swore to yourself that it was going to be the last time you saw him.  

But it needed a conversation, one that you weren’t even sure if you were ready to have, too scared to rip that band aid off. 

As you don your bra back on and shimmy on your underwear that Minho almost tore off, you think of all the possible ways to approach this situation, bearing in mind that it does have the potential to blow up. 

“W-We need to talk,” you stammer, wondering if that’s a good way to start. It’s a start, that’s all that matters. 

Minho stares at you from the other side of your bed, halfway through putting on his t-shirt, “okay, what about?” 

Without any warning, you blurted out what needed to - what must be said, “we should stop seeing each other.”  

Heavy silence drapes over the room, except for the cogs working overtime in Minho’s brain, trying to decode your words could almost be heard. You can most definitely see it on his deadpan face. It illuminates the seriousness of the situation compared to what it was five minutes ago.

“Can you give me some more detail about that?” He requests. 

“I just don’t think it’s healthy that we continue to sleep with each other when we’re not going to get back together,” you inform him. 

“You don’t want to get back together?” Minho poses the long awaited question that hurts to even conjure an answer. 

“Be honest, we’d be together right now if you knew that I was serious about it,” you say truthfully. “I’ll never not love you, but I can’t love you in the way that I used to.” 

The sheer surprise of the conversation made Minho realise that he’s been consuming too much of a good thing. That he actually wasn’t prepared to talk to you about this. It’s been creeping around the back of his mind since you both started seeing each other casually but ignored it so as to spend as much time with you as he could even though you weren’t with him anymore. 

“Right.”

“Look, just…don’t go cold on me, because I do want to talk to you about these things,” you plead with him. 

“Such as?”

“Such as our friends,” you start off. “All of us hang out a lot, but I didn’t want our…breakup to stop either one of us from seeing them. They’re your friends and mine too. I’d hate for us to be driven away from them because we can’t coexist anymore.” 

“Fair enough.” 

You can sense that he’s already starting to shut down. An obvious coping mechanism that’s triggered by something he wasn’t prepared to hear. But while the final shreds of his rationality are still with you in the room, you make haste, and dish out the important points he needs to know.

“We might not ever be friends again even though that’s not what I’m hoping for-“

Minho stands up from the edge of your bed, cutting the rest of your sentence off in the process, “if you’re serious about everything that you just said, then I don’t want to see you text or call me first asking me to come over. This isn’t a one-sided deal that only applies to me, you have to stick to it as well.” 

“This isn’t even a deal Minho. I am telling you not to.” 

“What? Telling me ‘not to’ because you can’t control yourself around me? Fine. I don’t know if you realise this, but the majority of the texts between the both of us, are mainly sent from you - you asking for me, telling me how lonely you are, or how much you miss my body. So don’t start handing out instructions when you’re not going to adhere to them as well.”

There’s a viper-like sting to his words that keeps piercing your resolve. A truthful sting that seeps poison into your blood, making you feel sick and cold. He’s torn you off your high horse for a moment, bringing you back down to earth to realise that it’s not just him who needs to see reason as well.

He had a very strong argument.

Minho sighs and tails more information to his tangent, “look I will do whatever it is that you want me to do. But, if this is what you want, then you can’t deny that it will only work one way.” 

There’s an efflorescence of achiness in your chest. A familiar one that you felt in the early days after breaking up with Minho. It was the same one you would feel whenever you’d have to lock the door to the spare bedroom in his house whenever he bought someone else over. 

Heartbreak. 

It lingers when he finally leaves with the promise of never reaching out to you again, at least for sex because there was no way of avoiding him in the future. That fact was impossible to refute. But this is what breakups consist of. Not one hairline shy off of being messy. It could, though, be much worse. That’s as much you had to be grateful for when you have to start from square one all over again.

Changing things up was necessary. You had already moved out from Minho’s, which there was no choice behind, but that meant new scenery. Different places to peruse in your own time that you hadn’t yet ever since you had moved out

It opened up new opportunities to visit some local things, especially on your way back home from work as you decide to call into a small cafe.  

Soft bossa nova plays calmly in the background as you stand and deliberate on something sweet to take home with you for after dinner. If it weren’t for the many niche options to select from, you would’ve almost missed the voice talking from beside you. 

“I heard the matcha bread is nice here.”

Your surprise gets the better of you, almost forgetting how to speak for a split second when you see a familiar tall figure you met once more from the other week. 

“Hyunjin?”

“Hey,” he smiles. “Wanna sit down together?”

You end up ordering yourself a warm drink and a sweet pastry to go while Hyunjin found a small table right in the crook of the cafe. His sudden appearance was rather pleasant, allowing you to divert from your own thoughts for a bit. Plus, it’s always nice to sit and chat with a friend. 

“I thought you might’ve been here to meet up with one of the others,” you say to him. 

Hyunjin nods, putting his coffee down, “I just spent the last couple of hours helping Changbin buy clothes just down the road at one of the shopping centres, so that’s where I came from.”

You smile, “well he trusts you more than the others in that department.”

“As he should,” Hyunjin grins softly. “How are you?” 

“I’m well, I just finished work and was heading home,” you respond.

“I’m not keeping you from going am I?” He asks politely.

“No, not at all,” You quickly exclaim. “The longer I stay, the more of an excuse I have not to do the mountain of things I need to for work.” 

Hyunjin chuckles, “well, as long as it doesn’t get you into trouble with your colleagues.”

“I should be fine,” you hope. 

“You know, when I think about it, you and I never really spoke that much back then,” he points out. “I only just realised that from last week when I saw you again.” 

His comment makes you think back too

Hyunjin was definitely part of your friend group, but not one who you would hang out with individually or with another person. He was just there, almost like he was known to you by association. Aside from the fact that he’s well-mannered and kind, the only aspect of his personality that seemed to have changed is how boisterous he used to be.

Although, that’s to be expected when people mature and cross the bridge from adolescence to adulthood. 

“True enough,” you reply and start snickering when you remember something funny. “But I have good memories of you though. Like when you threw that bottle at Jisung.”

Hyunjin’s eyes nearly pop out of his head, “I remember that. I could’ve killed him with that too.”

“Or when Chan had to pull you up from the train tracks because you fell off the platform and got stuck,” you add on.

“Most of those memories seem to have some type of mortal peril attached to it,” Hyunjin discovers. 

“You were young,” you remind him tenderly. “They make for the best memories anyway.” 

He agrees, staring into a space on the table as he reminisces, “true. So much has changed since I got back. I feel like I’ve missed out on growing up with you all even though we were just teenagers back then and adults now.” 

“Maybe, but we’re still young though and some have more growing up to do than others,” you hint very cryptically at one person who automatically springs to mind. “So don’t feel sad that you’ve missed out when there’s still a lot for us out there.” 

Hyunjin sits a bit more comfortably knowing that. As you both continue to talk, he realises how much you’ve changed yet somehow remained the same. You grew into your features, enhancing what was already there to a finer degree. Your looks were Hyunjin’s first impression of you when you first met as devious young teenagers. 

That was before he discovered that you are as kind and cool as you come across. But you were just distant friends back then. Now, Hyunjin detected a space for that to potentially change. He wanted to get to know the friend he hung out with here and there.

Even though time threatened to cut the starting opportunity short, it was still a start nonetheless, and Hyunjin was confident that there would be other times to arrive as well. So as the baristas begin cleaning up behind the counter and around the cafe, both you and Hyunjin took it as a sign that it was probably time to head off. You both take your belongings, thank the staff on your way out and head into the night. 

“Y/N,” Hyunjin says to you. “We should get coffee again sometime.” 

You nod, “I’d love that. I still have your number.” 

“So do I,” he replies. “What way are you heading?” 

“I’m just literally around the corner, not even a minute away,” you answer. 

“Okay, I’ll look forward to your text then,” he says. 

I strictly forbid and do not permit ANYONE or any user on any platform to copy, re-upload, translate, remake, or pass off any of my work here on Tumblr or to any other online platform whatsoever. Doing so will result in having your account suspended, deleted, taken down, and or permanently banned.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

This is my first time sending an ask and I promise it will be the last one of this kind. I just want to say that I've read all the other asks and the responses to them, and for me the thing is that people can't bring up First without including Khaotung somehow. But Khaotung gets brought up and talked about on his own or relation to people not First all the time. When his friends do lives he's the one the fans always ask about. And on the few occasions where First is brought up alone people tend to ignore it. It's just how it is. It's cold hard numbers - look how much engagement posts about Khaotung alone or with others get compared to the ones about First alone or with others. And a crowd full of fans screaming when Khaotung asked if they like First isn't really the same thing. What are they going to do, remain silent? I don't think anyone is that rude. But their SM engagement speaks a lot. I can point to several times when someone has started talking about First and the discussion has almost immediately swerved to Khaotung and how amazing he is. I can't do the same the other way. Now I am only on tumblr so maybe it's different elsewhere. I wouldn't know. I do know that Twitter was particularly nasty about First during OF though. Not Sand. First. And there's nothing to be done about it. People are going to like who they like regardless. Maybe the tide will turn at some point, I doubt it, but maybe. But I can't say I don't understand the frustration that is boiling over when I am in the First tag and see more of/know more about what *Khaotung* is doing. It just seems really obvious to me that there's a clear, strong bias. And it's not just the fandom - I can't tell you how many BTS clips I've watched that are all about how amazing Khaotung is, yet First is rarely praised. And I'm not saying Khaotung isn't good. He is. I'm just saying so is First. But the fact that I feel like I can't say First deserves more recognition without someone thinking that I am slagging Khaotung off is also part of the problem, because I have the strong impression that it wouldn't be the same in reverse.

I do think people will stop complaining about it soon, if it helps. It's just letting off a bit of steam in a way that doesn't get them labeled as an anti Khaotung blog. Eventually they'll either move on or accept, and your inbox will be back to being mostly cheerful. And I do want to say that I appreciate reading your answers to them. It must be frustrating to keep getting them when you don't see things that way, and I imagine it feels like an attack of sorts. I don't think it is. Or at least I hope not. You seem lovely and like way more patient a person than I could ever be. Thank you for lending an ear.

Well anons, then you (and I) know what to do. We should all keep hyping First up as well.

I still stand by what I say - I don’t think the majority of the fandom is Khaotung-focus. And what I have seen interviews from directors, they all seem to love FK equally.

But rather than honing on these facts, in the wisdom of my mutual @fadeawayaway - we should keep talking about how great First is as well.

Write those analysis that you want about his acting! I personally still read analysis of his roles in Not Me/TE/MLC/ OF even after these series have finished. I can guarantee you, there will be people like me who wants to read about it. And with hopefully THK bringing in new fans, them engaging about Kant/First when they read your analysis or thoughts about his other characters will put more positive focus on him as well.

Tweet about how you think his acting abilities and his performance against his co-stars (and not just Khaotung), cause I am very very looking forward to his interactions with Babe, Style and Fadel!

I am looking forward to everyone thoughts about Kant when THK comes out (and you will see me become insufferable by retweeting every single gifs and analysis of all four boys).

Hype his singing abilities (he worked hard on this! And it definitely has paid off with the recent meets/concerts). He is a great entertainer on stage and while I jest about his dancing ability (to be fair, I don’t think his bestie is that great either), I have always thought both boys as charasmatic - and I mentioned previously in a different asks, I am always captivated when they are on stage cause they just look so joyful when they performed.

Talk about his host capability and bring attention to it on Twitter - keep his engagement up. So that gmmtv and more fans are aware of his beautiful personality and eloquence when he speaks (because he certainly is! Out of the boys, First is definitely the more natural host and the way he can make guests/the host relax - top notch 🙌)

[kingsmoot]

Oh it's definitely a lot of speculation! I am fairly certain the timelines line up that GRRM was openly supportive of the S2 writing before the "cut 2 episodes" directive and that his fallout with Condal began sometime after, though. It's also true that Condal's original statement about the cut season tried to frame it as a "creative" decision rather than a financial one. It wasn't until later that I think Hess(?) admits that it "wasn't [our] decision".

GRRM definitely didn't go as hard as he could have but I think the way he kept teasing the post and the fact that he followed through with it is already really bad on it's own. GRRM seems to think it's a noble cause and that he's "saving" the show, but the reality is he's whipped up a frenzy of hate as a means to bully the writers. I understand his frustrations as the author, and I get that he helped Condal get the job but... It's Condal's now! To accuse him of having "no plan" while he is likely in the midst of petitioning for a bigger budget to actually accommodate his plan, after he's already had the rug ripped out from him last season, feels really cruel. It's hard to extend empathy to George when he's extending so little to the person HE picked to handle this adaptation.

I also agree that GRRM probably talked to Condal the most and that's likely why he's the target of his ire. But idk... GRRM has a lot of experience working in television and it feels like he should be more understanding of Condal's position. He gives passing mention to the constraints of writing for television, but it still feels like he expects Condal to have the same creative freedom of an author rather than a showrunner. GRRM was supportive of S1 and at least supportive of the untampered plans for S2 - so to turn on Condal so severely is just baffling.

GOT ended a failure and Execs need results to feel that ASOIAF properties are worth the continued investment- and even that isn't enough, given S1 was a massive success and the budget still got cut. GRRM's resistance to making big-picture sacrifices is why he ~can't~ be a showrunner. He CAN and SHOULD make creative suggestions- in his capacity as an Executive Producer. But the showrunner (Condal) has every right to reject those ideas if they do not make commercial sense. It's not all about creative integrity- it's show business, and it's Condal's job to consider both. Cutting characters and combining storylines is the most common way that this manifests!

Sorry to rant in your inbox about this... I took a break from socials post-season because the hate was so bad and I was just starting to poke my head back in when this dropped. As someone who really enjoyed S2, I'm... exhausted! But it's great gossiping about it with people who aren't just using George's post as further fuel to keep shitting on the show.

Hope your foot is okay<3

oh, please don't apologize!! this is interesting and a topic that i want to engage with, i appreciate you coming to my inbox!! (and thank you, my foot is fine now, i just hate medical procedures and wanted a distraction while waiting around being anxious at urgent care)

and yes i agree with everything you've said, i was just chatting with my friend @intomyth about how if nothing else (and there is a LOT else) it is irresponsible of george to point at one single person in front of his rabid fanbase and say definitively "i'm mad at this guy about this adaptation. the things i'm mad about are his fault." because, like... show AND book fans have proven over the years that they will create targeted cyber harassment campaigns over nothing (like twitter accusing liv of sleeping her way into this role just because they are rabidly misogynistic chronically online alicent antis who have lost all sense of decorum and perspective and do not perceive olivia cooke as a real human being with a job that she does well and not the evil bitch hag queen of westeros who stole rhaenyra's throne since none of that is REAL!!!) so i cannot imagine the kind of harassment they will concoct when they feel like they are raising their sword and shield in george's defense and with his blessing.

all in all while i can try to understand and/or speculate on george's personal feelings, i think his conduct was inappropriate. i don't personally agree w any of his "criticism" of the show in his blog post (bc it wasn't actually criticism...) and i think publishing it at all was the wrong move. it was rude and unprofessional and most of all strange.

and i am ALSO exhausted, dude!!!! i loved s2.1 - 2.5 and thought 2.6 - 2.8 were a total bust but at the end of the day... hotd is fun tv. that i like watching. in my free time. which i (like most working adults) have little of. the vitriolic hate tornado that has been built up around the dragons and incest show is very strange to and uncomfortable for me. do you guys watch tv like your life depends on it because someone is like... threatening you? is this how you earn your rent money? are you being forced by clandestine and inescapable circumstances to watch a show that makes you so angry it's permanently altering your health record? what gives, dude? what happened to watching tv because it's fun and you like it?

[spectralsleuth]

Now that we're entering into 2024, I'm asking some artists and writers that I follow:

1) What is the one piece you're most proud of from this past year?

2) What are some pieces that you would have liked more people to see? If you can include links, I'd love to go check them out!

3) What were your top three favorite pieces (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

(As always, no pressure to respond! Feel free to just ignore, or let me know if you'd rather I not send you these kinds of asks in the future.)

This is such a sweet and fun ask!! Thanks so much! I enjoyed seeing other authors answering this it’s so hype to get it myself.

1. This is hard to answer, because this year I tried to do something different with every fic I posted. When I got a concept I very pointedly didn’t shy away from it because it seemed difficult, or I thought I might be bad at it, so there’s something that makes me proud with each one. IF I HAD TO CHOOSE THOUGH I’m going to cheat and pick two.

What it Will Be I’m proud of this because it fell out of me SO EASY. I felt like the process of writing it was a testament to how hard I’ve been working at improving all year, and it came together very quickly and very well. I’m also proud because I incorporated @heckitall ‘s comic page to base it off of, and I’d never tried writing fic for a visual media like that. It was super fun!

On the OTHER end of the spectrum is Case of the Hidden City vs Lou Jitsu because it is VERY technically and narratively complicated and is by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever written. It’s very hard, but I am VERY proud because I haven’t QUIT it. It’s not complete yet, but it is a good amount of the way there and I’m excited to finish it. Probably once I’ve recovered from surgery lol.

2. This sounds insincere maybe, but I really am happy with the engagement I get on my fic. I really do write my fic for me, and while I love to make sure as many people who want to read it can find it, at the end of the day I don’t like assigning people homework! I went through my whole works list and scratched my head and really tried to think of there was anything I wanted to plug, and I don’t think there is!

I guess I’ll post my lowest viewed, my Swanatello fic! @tangledinink ‘s AU I’m sure everyone’s familiar with lol. I knew that one would be lower when I posted it, if only because it has prior required reading (Swanatello). But I wrote it mainly because the AU was starting to reach a critical point and I REALLY wanted to write fanfiction of how I fantasized an ending might be, so I could go back and read it for comfort. I love Odette and the lore Kayson made for his AU, so I’ll plug this only because I think some people may have missed it!

3. Three works!! JUST THREE?? AUGH.

little kid with a big death wish

By @remedyturtles ! This made me leak tears the whole way through, so huge CW’s obviously. Not only was it one of the best fics I’ve ever read, but I got the privilege of seeing how talented Rem is behind the scenes a little and saw how they write and work and I really want to emulate them going forward. One of many all timer fics for me, for sure, I’d love to read any original fiction they put out.

The Whispering Forest and Other Tales

By @sroloc--elbisivni and @kithnkin ! I love love LOVE the feudal Japan fusion, the research, and the perfect blend of Usagi Yojimbo’s universe with what the Riseverse would have been like in this era. Even the little segues into what they’re wearing and eating is endlessly fascinating to me. Every single character is written to be the best and most interesting version of that character I could imagine. Theres Leosagi, there’s a PB&J murder mystery, there’s spookiness- AND Raphael Hamato gets wifed up!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? I love people that write a fully fleshed story that could be a standalone universe, without losing ANY of the flavor or humor or narrative of the original source material.

And last is I’m Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now

@tangledinink has such a good grasp of family and writing, and realistic portrayals of what would HONESTLY HAPPEN if you discovered literally any aspect of the ROTTMNT narrative. Not even taking into ACCOUNT the turtle nonsense, how do you unpack a family that’s been devoted to destroying a magic monster and sacrificing themselves, or a Dad that fought in a death match battle royale for over a decade, or a RIVAL CLAN OF NINJA? All the characters are written SO WELL, and Kayson does a fantastic job of never letting the characters or story fall into cliche tropes. Their characters are always super detailed, to the point where I really feel it if they’re hungry or hurt or itchy. Which is a weird thing to point out but they make sure you really FEEL the situation. Also like, turtles in highschool? Body dysphoria? My CO-CEO of Hamato Yoshi???

What a great year!! I had so much fun in fandom this year and made a lot of friends.

[grey-and-lavender]

Hi, I read your post about the us election where you said you won't discuss it further unless we have any specific questions.

I am Italian, I am trying a bit to get more involved in politics but it's hard, expecially for international politics.

I need to ask you, if you know the answer: what could the Trump election mean to Europe? How much should I be worried? I am very worried, mostly because since Roe V Wade was overturned the abortion laws have been discussed a lot more in Italy.

I'm also interested in knowing about how this was able to happen. I understand that can be draining for you to explain, but I am not worried about the explanation being too academic (actually that's what I'd like).

I also want to add that your blog is a very cool place for me since I'm studing sociology and it's hard to find people in social sciences in the tumblr study community.

Feel free to choose to not answer but if you do please tell me in private that's your choice so I know I can stop waiting.

Thank you ❤️

I've taken a stab at your questions, and going to chuck this under the cut for folks who don't want to see analysis. Again, I invite and encourage you to scroll on past if this isn't a conversation for you right now.

First, good on you for the interest! Getting involved in politics is tricky. There's so much out there that can and does make money off of getting you angry and engaged through that anger. Unfortunately, that's often not productive for you, or for getting any political outcomes you may be looking for. Asking questions is a great start, keeping vaguely up to date on your national and some international news when you have the time and space is another great way to do it. I'd also encourage you to take the time to vote in every election you're eligible for, and to really consider what you're voting for. Informed voting is a blunt weapon, but it's the most effective one you have.

I don't do international relations, and I'm not familiar with the politics in Italy, so I can't guess well at your first question. I do know a few things though. We know that Trump has said things about trying to end the war in Ukraine. We know that people are worried about how he'll do it, as the US is the single biggest donor of arms to Ukraine. From what I can see about Italian abortion law, it seems unlikely to me that there will be an outright ban on it (the past referendum didn't pass and I can't see public opinion shifting so much against it in the decades since, there is an option for individual medical practitioners to refuse, and the recent amendment aims to make it more difficult for folks to get one rather than being against the procedure itself).

You will know better than I do with how much US politics influences the politics of your country. Ours are often influenced, but anglophone Canada shares much of the same media ecosystem and culture with the US, so I imagine our spillover is greater. In terms of worry, I would be cautious, and keep tabs on it. But as an Italian there's little you can do about USAmerican politics, so outside of being well armed with information, worrying will do very little for you. If you're particularly concerned about abortion law specifically, and you have the time, I guarantee there are organizations who would love a volunteer who can spend an hour or two a week helping mail flyers.

For your second question, the answer is simple and also I mean it genuinely: most of the American people who voted for the president in this election viewed Trump as the better choice.

There could be several reasons for this. My suspicion is he was better at marketing himself to issues people cared about (cost of living specifically, which is less abstract than an issue of democratic integrity), has a better following, and has an incumbency advantage (generally, people who ran previously have more name recognition and can gain an electoral advantage through name recognition, though this can also backfire if people decide to punish the incumbent instead).

The other thing about the US two party system is that when you only have one other party, it's easy for partisanship to become an integral part of your identity, because you have a clear out-group. You study sociology so maybe you've come across Social Identity Theory (I've taken one (1) sociology course so I have no idea when this comes up in your studies). This is where political scientists base a lot of their current understanding of affective (or the emotive and identity based) partisanship. It's easy for democrats to hate republicans and vice versa. I think many republicans stuck with their vote because that's who they vote for. I know we joke online about the left eating itself, but I genuinely believe the left is not as fractured as the right, because on the right you have people who prefer cautious government spending policies on one end, and honest to god nazis on the other. Many of them are voting for the same person.

My final note is that most republicans are not voting for Trump because they hate Palestinians, Trans folks, women, or minorities. Some of them do, absolutely. But I think a lot of them find him more relatable, his policies speak to their concerns more, and they find him a more palatable option to Harris. Progress means change, and a lot of people are scared of change. If you want a better understanding of the logic, Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right by Arlie Hochschild has a great explanation of what that perspective looks like.

I'm glad you like my blog! The tumblr study community has changed a lot in the decade (lol) since I joined it. It's very fun to think I fill in a niche.

[trubbishrubbish]

Happy Last Day of 2023. Here's a long overdue update over how I have been.

As you recall, Jabberwock Genocide Part 2 was uploaded 3 weeks ago. And the only thing I did this whole month of December after Part 2 was uploaded was that I went to Canada to climb a huge mountain and confront my other self because it’s cheaper than going to therapy.

Just kidding, I just worked on more Jabberwock Genocide, nothing else.

This is a positive as I have made so much forward progress in the animation and the upcoming part 3 that you guys won’t have to wait 9 months for more Genocide Jack fun time. However, there is a cost to just working on Jabberwock Genocide, one that I’m currently struggling to find a way to deal with.

Basically, all my free time, focus and thinking has been dedicated to Jabberwock Genocide, but other stuff I do and create I have left to the dust.

My output in making Genocide Jack posts has just stopped.

I keep neglecting to share updates to my Sho Shrine. I am still getting new stuff for it but I have not yet organized it and taken picture of it.

I have barely played any new games. The last game I have beaten that is new was Super Mario Bros Wonder. I loved that game, but I had a hard time sitting down to play it for long sessions as I wanted to work on Jabberwock Genocide.

And tragically, I have really neglected interacting with my online friends. This I feel the most guilty of as I have no excuse for it. I know there are friends I used to talk to a lot before that I have now stopped engaging with for a really long time. If you are one of those people I just to say that I am sorry for ghosting you. I still consider you a friend I don't want our friendship to slowly die out due to lack of communication on my end.

This is my struggle. I love making Jabberwock Genocide. It’s honestly the most enriching thing I am currently doing in my life. I’m creating a story with my favorite character, Genocide Jack. I’m developing my skill as a sprite animator. I’m constantly thinking about how to create a particular scene with the limited resources I have. I get a real kick of joy when I am creating a scene and suddenly an idea comes to mind that I love and I put it in the animation.

I feel so satisfied when the ideas I have for a scene that I see in my head are transmitted into actual animation on my editor. More often then not, what I make in the final product is better than what I imagine in my head. Every single line, every single detail, every single joke, it all feels so amazing to craft them into a video.

It’s crazy to think that just a few months ago, I was at a low point in the animation where all of my motivation was drained and I struggled to make progress for weeks. But now, I feel so freaking happy and elated just thinking about the animation. Heck, even doing really tedious tasks like making every single sprite jump a little is still enjoyable to me. I’ve been working on this project since August 2022. I never expected this to be what is now when I first started writing down ideas. But I am happy the project did turn into this, because I really, truly enjoy working on this.

But… That’s the problem. I enjoy working on Jabberwock Genocide so much that any other hobbies, I find less fun. I rewrote my brain to dedicate huge parts of it to think about Jabberwock Genocide. I’m fully being this attached to a project like this isn’t healthy. I should be consuming different media and doing other activities and talking to my friends. I know this but I find it difficult to summon the energy to do it.

I’m still trying to find a good balance between working on the project and doing other leisure activities that I enjoy doing. I’m going to make this a goal for 2024, it might take me a while to find that balance but I will try to. Hopefully when I do, I can slowly rekindle friendships that I have abandoned.

That’s what I wanted to say. Thank you for taking the time to read this. See you in 2024.

[junkshop-disco]

Just posted a new chapter so what better time for a fic meme. Tagged by @magicalrocketships but idk if I have any better screen grabs than theirs.

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

38, which makes the average word count completely ridiculous.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

1,048,397. Average word count 27,589. Brevity, I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Downton Abbey, Fate the Winx Saga, Good Omens currently.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Honeysuckle Arch

Learning to Speak the Language of Flowers

An Equal and Opposite Reaction

Instalments

The Could in People

Whenever I look at the stats, I'm taken aback at just how skewed my sense of which fics are the most popular is. Because I would not have guessed some of these at all.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I am--at heart--a deeply anxious squirrel masquerading as a person and any sort of interaction with people I don't know well can sometimes be too much for me to handle. When my anxiety is bad, I imagine that every single comment will be about how shit my writing is and what an awful person I am, so I can't read them right away, let alone reply. I have to work up to them and do a couple at a time and I always intend to reply but sometimes, weeks/months/years pass without me feeling up to it and then it feels too awkward. Right now my anxiety is much better thanks to lots of medication and some pretty hefty life changes, so I'm more able to engage with them like a vaguely normal person, but sometimes if I have a bad week, opening the comment box to reply 'thanks! Glad you liked it' makes me feel like James Bond sitting nose to nose with an armed bomb. I do hold onto comments, though. I screen grab ones that really resonated and re-read them when I feel down. They mean a great deal to me, even if I can't always say so in a timely fashion.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's definitely a Merlin fic, possibly Doubt Creeps In? That whole thing is pretty angsty and there's no real resolution. I wrote a few angsty endings in Merlin fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Idk that I've ever written truly happy ending. I've written cute endings, give-them-a-break endings, but I don't know if I'd describe any of them as happy. I don't tend to go in for them. Nothing winds me up more than an epilogue with a pasted on happy ending. I have been known to hurl a book across the room.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't for a while but I used to when I wrote HP fic. My favourite ever was 'you should be flayed for writing this. I hope you die.' I still laugh when I think about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. All kinds? I have written the odd fade to black in my time and also the most unremitting filth in all flavours of vanilla to kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a handful. Back on LJ I wrote a Merlin/Twilight crossover where Edward and Merlin team up to fight evil vampire unicorns who can only be killed by virgins singing at them until they explode.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep. Tbh I just feel sad for the people who do it. It seems like a very hollow way to do fandom.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep. And podficced! It's always nice.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done a few Big Bangs and other events where I collaborated with someone and it's always one of my favourite things to do. I've also co-written some... stuff on anon, which we're not going to talk about 👀

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Can anyone pick just one? Like Hotel California, I check out but I never leave. I am still here for Mulder and Scully, Mal and Inara, Tara and Willow, Giles and Jenny, Bradley and Colin, Merlin and Gwaine, Nick and Harry and Niall, Isak and Even, Remus, Lily, Sirius and Tonks, Crowley and Aziraphale, Thomas and Richard, Ed and Stede, Farah and Saul. The ships I love never leave me and picking a favourite would make me sad.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

If I'm posting it, it will get finished. I have a couple of things languishing on my hard drive that may never see the light of day, like a Thomas in LA fic post DA2, but I can't not finish things.

16. What are your writing strengths?

A commitment to the bit? An unwavering belief there's never a bad time for banter? An unfailing devotion to poking people's bruises?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

See above.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Would attempt only in a comedy situation where getting it wrong was the point.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Firefly. The first one I posted in was HP though, rip.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Saying I'm fond of all of them would be such a cop out, wouldn't it? In truth, my favourite is usually the one I'm currently writing, so let's say Sum of the In-between Things. It's morphed so far from what I intended it to be and I have literally no idea if I can stick the landing on it, but I've genuinely had a blast writing it, and that's the point, isn't it?

Tagging: @septemberrie @myalchod and @magnolia822!

[the-travelling-witch]

HOLLY!! HOLLY!! LEKD CAOS SORRY

Caps no caps but imagine this ALL in caps CAGSIWID ACARA SCARA

holly: “yes hello, it’s me calling again… do you have a few more anesthetics for me? yeah i wrote modern scara again and stans are feral”

vet: “again?”

lol sorry but what the hell did i log i back in on; putting all of this in one answer

“years ago” is actually one, don’t make me feel worse about this than it actually was okay jsjsh i do warn people pretty liberally that my answer times for request asks are very long and not guaranteed :’)

but yeah i’m happy you obviously enjoyed it

it appears miracles do happen, the path of amelioration starts with but a single step jshshs

i’ve had the first three paragraphs for this in my drafts for some time now, always telling myself i’d work on it while commuting or something but never did. i made a cosy drink and was passively watching tv (totally ignoring that i have a bnha fic that i need to edit) and bc the topic came up during the day, i thought i’d give it another shot at finishing this (and then work til 3am to post it when i actually managed to finish it, bc i am impatient to a fault)

i kinda worked myself into a corner making childe and idol, since realistically i know dating an idol bring with it a whole rat’s tail of restrictions and all but i think about him regularly, so it’s not like i haven’t been seeing him, i’m just not posting about it :]

also yes, i have received the message that you enjoyed it, not even i am that dense lol

hmm yeah, i’ve said it before, i’m a little eh on some VAs and don’t really follow them; sure i think griffin burns has a good voice for childe but so has the jp VA and jp is also the version i play in; something about griffin just rubs me, personally, the wrong way. i’m not saying he is a bad person or anything, there’s just something that makes me not want to engage with him

also we’ve had a lot of stories come out from (not only) VAs doing terrible things and i’ve said for myself that i’m really trying to keep a tight leash on my parasocial relationships and reevaluate them critically; obviously not every VA or celeb is terrible, i saw a video of the english VA for the female trailblazer being very excited that robin’s character showed parallels to emily dickenson and her works, which was very cute

anyway, i don’t mean to rain on your parade, i just wanted to double down on the fact that i’m not big on anything going on around the VAs (wish we could’ve gotten zach aguilar as the new moze VA bc it would’ve been hilarious given what happened with fe3h)

looks good to me though :o also no even if it wasn’t, there probably wouldn’t have been anything for me to do other than reposting; besides people seem to be finding it, which i guess means it shows up for other as well, thank you for the concern though :]

[jaskierx]

Honestly, I really admire (and am thankful for) the way you manage and handle those back and forth with some Izzy stans, I don't think I have the mental strength to entertain them myself.

I wasn't part of the fandom after season 1 aired, I watched it without engaging much and then kind of waited for season 2 to come out, so I had no idea such a divide had happened between Izzy stans and the rest of the fandom (glad I was oblivious to it ngl). All I know is that I hated Izzy’s guts and wanted him to get his just desert.

So yeah, I wasn’t a fan and I struggled forgiving him when season 2 started because the show was trying so hard to make him sympathetic (which I honestly couldn’t give two shits about at first, I wanted revenge), plus you’re right, Izzy got way too much screen time (which gave Izzy stans ammunitions to say “SEE!! Main character!!!”), but I did end up warming up to him by the time he died. I can even say I genuinely liked him.

BUT the journey to that point was sooo conflicting because some Izzy stans were also doing the absolute most in the main tag, painting Izzy as this angel who never did anything wrong and was terrorized by the monster Ed, and I was like????? Did season 1 happen??? Did I dream the whole season??? Did I watch a version from an alternate universe??? I was BAFFLED. I don't know who is that Izzy they're talking about, but it's not the one on my screen, that's for sure.

Then, Izzy died and the hardcore stans lost their shit (you know what I'm talking about) and they have seriously soured me to Izzy again. I want to like the character we had on screen, and I want to like his redemption arc. He was a great antagonist even if I hated him, and we owed him so much for all the shit he pulled in season 1, but the OTT takes and behaviors from stans I’ve seen have made me give up on him, which sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better about him in a few months, but right now, I can’t stand him, and I’ve blocked his tag everywhere (ao3 included, because, truly, fuck fanon Izzy, fuck him).

Hope it’s not too draining for you though, just writing this felt like screaming into the void, so I can’t imagine dealing with this on the daily. Take care!

hi anon i'm so glad you sent this bc i felt very similarly about izzy in s2. i didn't find him sympathetic at all. i didn't give a single shit that he was suffering from ed being in his kraken era bc he's the entire reason ed ended up like that in the first place. izzy was reaping what he sowed. seeing ed feeling so miserable broke my fucking heart and i can't stand any bullshit takes about 'izzy was protecting the crew from ed's abuse' or 'edizzy invented love confirmed' or whatever other nonsense his stans chose to take away from episodes 1-3.

i truly do not see izzy as a victim. i truly do not see ed as an abuser. sometimes i will start reading a post in the ofmd tag that refers to an 'abuser' and a 'victim' and i get halfway through the post and realise that the op has a completely opposite view of who is who than i do.

and as s2 progressed i just felt worse and worse about it like he was getting so much screentime and popping up all over the place and he'd absorbed a load of traits (from other characters that i'd have rather seen more of) bc the writers had to speedrun making him semi-likeable. i still haven't done a proper rewatch since the finale aired and i'm pretty sure i'll feel different watching it knowing he dies in ep8, but when eps 6-7 dropped i fucking hated every scene he was in and felt like he ruined some otherwise really lovely ed/stede moments like their breakfast in bed. izzy being cheered on for wearing drag and singing - the exact acts that caused him to threaten ed - feels exactly like the very common queer experience of seeing the homophobic kid who bullied you for being queer getting loads of support when they come out themselves.

and the takes that were coming out of the canyon at this time were absolutely wild, especially in relation to ed. people absolutely baying for blood, wanting to see him suffer, wanting his relationship with stede to suffer, wanting him to have to crawl across broken glass to repair his relationship with the crew, all while treating izzy as a protagonist who never did anything wrong.

so ngl i was delighted when he died. but mostly i was relieved that it was going to be over. i walked out of my circus tent with my clown makeup on believing that the canyon would yell for a bit and then slowly quiet down as people who claimed they'd be leaving the fandom if izzy died made good on their promise and fucked off.

and if anything they've got louder and more unhinged and are out here reinventing tjlc and harassing the writers and churning out the most rancid racist posts and writing obituaries that caused multiple people on twt to mistakenly think Actual Human Person con o'neill had died.

and on one hand i'm kind of glad that more people know what they're like now but god i really do feel for any izzy fans who have had their enjoyment of him ruined by the canyon. i really do think it's not the character that's polarising, it's the fandom response, in that most people who come in liking izzy end up either aligning with the canyon or getting so fucking fed up of the canyon that they don't like him anymore. and both of those are a shame tbh because he is very well acted and well written, especially in s1, and i wish i could've enjoyed his scenes and felt the emotional payoff of his death

anyway. sorry for writing you 1 billion words. ily ❤️

[oh-saints]

a lil update; i'm still here :)

as you have probably seen or noticed, I’ve been going MIA for a (looooooong) while now. I started this blog truly to escape reality, in essence—not just a mere blog title—because I was living a life I thought I wanted to live since I was younger. but as I reached mid-year, I realised it was a life suitable to the 15-year-old me, not more and not less.

however, as much as I didn’t want to part-take this phase, I needed to undergo so much turmoil—physically and emotionally, even professionally too, to a certain extent—to find the life I want to live now. in the process, i got lost in the main direction, which resulted to losing everything i possessed. especially—ironically so—and unfortunately, losing myself in the battlefield.

i didn’t have the time and energy to update any of you about how i was doing, how far i was progressing, and what i’ve been doing. it was one thing i hated to do—not updating anyone that could possibly wait for me—but really, going away wasn’t even in my 2023 bingo list.

but now, albeit how apologetic i initially was, i didn’t regret most of the portion because i really needed to go away. to touch the grass, the ground, the air on the pads of my fingertips so i know which one is reality, which one is not, and which one is a reality i can escape from.

by a long shot—returning to this beloved space of mine again.

the funny thing was that i write with a real, professional athlete in mind, wondering what they’d do in daily basis, exploring so many fictional characters and personalities that might fit the said athlete’s routine and persona to become their romantic partner. and still do—hoping i will continue to do so until i got bored and/or incapacitated to—but never in mind did i imagine to actually end up with a real, professional athlete in real life.

crazy, i’d say. and believe me, i’m still processing it too.

but it’s even crazier because our story unravelled similarly to a story i had previously written and published here, where you all enjoyed it.

it was fast, but it never felt more… right. so my initial plan to comeback on Q3 of this year had to be delayed—thus the reason why you see me popping up here and there once in a while—because i got engaged to someone who really showed me how to be loved properly, even in ways i didn’t think of when i wrote how i wanted to be loved by an athlete, and i might only come back once in a while when my time (and probably my mind, too) was not as tight as the corset i just tried on for my upcoming big day.

aside from updating you all how i’ve been doing—as many of you asked in my inbox, but of which i am forever grateful of for your immense love—i want to use this chance to say thank you so much for the love, support, and everything else you have shown me in every chance you can get. dark days, bright nights—every single time. without you all, i wouldn’t have reached this far in life. i wish to give you back on stories, characters, emotions, plots more than ever, in ways and deliverance better than ever. i really can’t wait to spill some of them i’ve written during my time away, when i finally have time to breath.

please wait for some little updates and some new posts during this festive week as my belated christmas wish to you and a heart-warming way to escape the noisy firecrackers for those who don’t like them, like me.

it might not be much for now, but i hope i can make it up for my absence.

all my love, xx

[iamiamiam1111]

so I was reading edward art and I saw this comment under his serious and I’m just gonna put it here for myself.

‘Hey buddy,

First of all thanks a ton. Your posts have helped me a lot.

The crazy thing is that every time i would focus on doing revision on a daily basis your posts on revision would pop up.

Also when I started deep diving on the concepts your post series started coming out.

NOT A COINCIDENCE. I repeat. NOT A COINCIDENCE.

I have been practicing the law for 2 years now.

Started without any understanding went on like that for a year then finally started paying attention to Neville. Read his books and Yes, I understood but for the major part I understood everything intellectually.

I manifested a start up, money, good relationship with family, friends, manifested a relationship.

But then again my focus was all over the place and I was guilty of not being consistent.

I knew the law but paid a lot of attention to the shadow world.

After reading your posts - man - things started to piece themselves. This year I started revising everyday - without fail.

After reading your posts - I can say that - I truly understood the concept of - consciousness is the only reality.

I began my meditation with closing my eyes and accepting the darkness - feeling safe in there. Earlier I would try to engage my feelings but would be lying down for hours not feeling a single thing.

Then you said everything follows the feeling - even my thoughts. So I figured the saying I am loved like a God - would be just vague repertoire. And just told myself that all beliefs are mere feelings and I know how to generate them.

Bam - I could feel in just 2 sec what I couldn't in 2 hours.

I realised that even the way we think and manifest is a belief. So I first changed my perception of the outer world, your comment about how even our bodies are part of the outer world really struck a chord with me. Now I was only focused on my - black space where I am the only one talking, feeling it right over there was everything now.

I used to feel guilty over the fact that I couldn't meditate before going to sleep - always falling asleep. But I realised that it's a stupid rule that I created and was cool even if I just slept off.

Now all I do is say that - okay I feel that I want to perform better at my work - that's a desire I want it - go inside and say I am successful and praised at work and for this belief there's a corresponding feeling - I feel it immediately and continue to feel it.

Sometimes after imagining for hours I couldn't sleep - so I said it's nothing that I need to force - my inner self feels that I can't sleep - well now there's a feeling that I want feel which says that I am sleepy and went off to sleep in my meditation and bam it happened.

I can go on but just know this that your posts have made it so easy not only for me but for others to grasp the law.

The world is such a beautiful place and one day I hope we can meet just to give each other a nod and smile.

Thank you Edward’.

[greatqueenanna]

10/1/23

Introduction

Hello everyone! We are currently at 492 followers (we're close to that 500!) and I wanted to take this time, as I do in many of my update posts, to thank every single one of you for sticking around, following, and engaging in my posts. It means a lot that you guys like my content and want to see more.

---

Promised Analyses Complete

First order of business, I have finally finished all of my promised analyses since my hiatus. You can find them all below, and you can be sure that more ridiculously delayed analyses are on the way haha!

Fatherly Burdens - Is Agnarr Portrayed Negatively

Polar Opposites - Comparing the Sister’s Personalities

Irredeemable Monster - Should Hans Make a Return

Stoic and Strong - Talking about Honeymaren and Her Importance

A New Path - Destin Mattias and Change

See the Sky - Talking About Ryder and His Importance

---

Frozen Canon Talk Fifth Edition

Next, as you can imagine, my infamous, Arendelle Archives-approved creation, Frozen Canon Talk, will be getting its Fifth Edition. However, I am simply waiting for the releases of these next two books (listed below) so that I can have all of 2023 covered. I believe (if Forces of Nature's advertising is anything to go by) that this year should be the last year of major side-story releases before F3 (or any shorts they could throw at us at some point), so it's a good time to freshen up the post for its fifth edition.

The post will now include the newest editions in the Frozen Franchise, as well as a new section called "The Novel Extended Universe" that includes all novels/comics/podcasts that reference one another and try to build coherent lore between them. This phenomenon started happening during the F2 Era of books, and typically have the same authors penning the projects.

Thus, again, I'm waiting for the release of these novels before I get started.

All is Found: A Frozen Anthology - November 7th, 2023

Lost Legends: The Fixer Upper - October 17th, 2023

---

Coming Soon

Here is the current list of analyses I am currently working on. They are in no particular order and will be released when they are ready.

Mirrors and Mimicry - Delving into Hans’ Sociopathy

Frozen Canon Talk - Fifth Edition

What Came Before - Previous Versions of Frozen (Rewrite)

What Came Before Part 2 - Previous Versions of Frozen 2 

Grain of Salt - The Rumors Surrounding the Frozen Franchise (Rewrite)

---

Poll Question

As with the two previous updates, I am still planning my vague and secret F3 analysis and need your input. For your reference, these were the previous questions and the results. You can also see where I voted haha.

And now, let's ask the next question.

[misc-obeyme]

Okay, friends, time for a writing status update!

Requests are currently closed again.

If you have sent in a request that I haven't gotten to yet, don't worry, I will finish the ones that I have in my inbox!

I am always accepting asks if you just want to chat or share something. Although last time I really got into a discussion with you guys it ended up being about whether or not MC was served human flesh at Hell's Kitchen lol. Listen, that is exactly the kind of conversation I live for, please never stop sending me stuff like that, I totally love it.

All that being said, I'm still accepting something that I'm calling suggestions. Not really a request where you give me a topic and I usually end up writing headcanons about it. More like you give me a character (or two) or a specific scenario and I might write a little scene about it. I want to hear your ideas, but I'm getting a little burnt out on headcanons. So you can still send me writing ideas, but note that I likely won't be doing full headcanon posts about them.

Okay, more detail about this below the cut, if you're interested.

I know I already took a long break, but then I just jumped right back in and started posting writing every day, so I kinda overdid it.

But I noticed that I was really looking forward to writing certain things, but not really other things. So I tried experimenting a little - writing nsfw stuff when I hadn't before, writing another set of headcanons that was about a topic I chose myself, etc.

And here's what I've come to discover.

I do enjoy writing headcanons, but not nearly as much as I enjoy writing actual story scenes. I really loved the 500 follower event because I was writing little scenes about a single character. Headcanons are fun, but they're not my favorite thing to do. And the thing is, I get requests for headcanons all the time. I love doing requests, it's fun because people give me ideas I likely wouldn't have come up with myself. But I would rather have ideas for scenes or short stories than ideas for headcanons.

I've been writing novels and short stories for years. This is what I'm good at. Headcanons are a completely different writing style that I'm not as familiar with. I've been having fun with them, but the more I do, the more I feel like the quality of writing suffers. I often feel like I'm writing the same things over and over, but slightly different. The characters don't change, so I feel like they react pretty similarly to most things.

And maybe that's okay with the people who are reading my writing, but it's kinda boring for me lol. I have more fun writing actual scenes. And I'm better at it, too.

My longer writing posts like that never do as well as the headcanons, but I'm not sure if that's due to the style of writing or more due to the fact that headcanons can have seven characters in one post while my other stuff usually only has one. Buuuut I write stuff for fun, not for notes lol. I looooove that there are people who want to read my stuff, who enjoy what I put out, and who like to interact with me on here.

All this is to say that I am just going to cool it on the headcanons for a bit. I'm not at all saying that I'll never write any again or that I'll never take requests for them again. I might! I probably will! But for now, I need a break from them.

In conclusion, if you read all of this, thank you for being awesome, I am sending you all the virtual kisses.

I love every single follower that I have. Thank you for being here. Thank you for engaging with me. Thank you for making me imagine what demon flesh might taste like.

I love you all!

[amywritesthings]

i have to be a wee bit honest with you all, besties (personal - i'm okay! just some sappy things - content warning: loneliness)

i started writing fic officially last year in february. i didn't think it would become anything at all. my friends made fun of me for trying out reader insert fanfic for the first time, implying (and outright saying) that reader insert was childish, lower quality writing, but as someone who didn't really read much 2nd POV - i was curious. i wanted to try out the medium. it was a challenge. i tried telling my friends (online and irl) about it, but i got a lot of sneers because... well, it was reader insert. and not canon/canon, or original character/canon content.

i'd been toying with a mandalorian fanfic ever since the end of season two. i loved that show. i wanted to tell a story for myself, so i posted a few chapters over the weeks, thinking i'd abandon it and go back to reading fic... then met all of you. i started gathering followers, something i NEVER thought would happen, and from there mutuals. fellow writers were following me! i had never been so excited in my life!

but i'm going to be so honest: i am quite lonely. i've transitioned away from writing groups/dnd/rp to basically be a full-time fanfiction author, and i feel like i've lost all of my friends. most of them don't want to hear about it, so i don't hit them up anymore. i've had friends question why i don't hit them up, and when i explain that my entire life's kinda become "weight training and fanfic" the conversation stops.

add another layer of getting into anime, something NO ONE in my personal life cares about / thinks highly of, and i kind of only have this blog and my vision and writing and -- well, you all.

and you all are so amazing. my mutuals are so fun, and talented, and crazy smart people. i see their fics, and even if it isn't a fixation of mine, i root for them. then the people who have not only read one chapter of my fic, but multiple? or those who have checked out some of my other work? people who legit message me, send me anonymous questions, engage with what i love ---- i no longer feel so lonely. i stop wondering if i should hang up fanfic so i can gain my old social life back where i still talked to my online friends pre-fic blog often. i don't think 'maybe i'm stupid for doing this.'

i'm okay with being lonely and alone, honestly! i'm an only child lol i grew up with a single mom, my entire life was built on my imagination and the ability to be alone. but i just need every single one of you who have touched my work in some form or another -- just how important you are to me, and how grateful i am that you've not only read my works, but engaged, DM'd me about a thirst trap, anything!

it's very easy to forget there is a human behind the stories you like or reblog or comment on, but i hope you know that this human is just really happy that you've validated her greatest love: writing. and that i don't feel so lonely all the time when i'm chatting with you all, or responding to your infectious excitement. i'm just... i feel so content. and happy. and like i actually belong posting my stories, versus keeping them to myself on a word doc that will die within my external hard drive.

you see me. so thank you for seeing me.

[aurorawest]

Hey! 7 & 14 from the deep fic writer asks? If the questions weren't asked already and if you feel up to it. 😁

Full disclosure, I answered this once already and then LOST THE POST just as I was about to post it, so this answer probably won't be as good.

7. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Receiving feedback is amazing and makes me really happy. Not receiving it has, at times, contributed to spirals where I've contemplated deleting my AO3 account and pulling all my fic down.

I haven't written any new MCU fic in months (my series is finished, it just gets betaed and polished now before posting each week) and idk, there are a lot of reasons for that, but one of them was definitely falling engagement. And I know that's not specific to me, there's just falling engagement within the MCU fandom. In a way that's been a really good thing for me, because I've funneled my energy into original novels, but it bums me out when I see I haven't posted a Loki/Stephen oneshot since last September.

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

Oh yes, definitely. Not to sound like a total dick, but I'm...pretty confident about the quality of my writing, especially within the MCU fandom. It definitely depends on the fandom though. There are some where there's some truly incredible writing. Like, just lyrical and gorgeous and the kind of stuff that makes me so jealous that someone else came up with it, but also so happy that it was something that I got to experience.

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

In every single way, haha.

In my original post that got lost I had comparison screenshots of the opening of a Darkwing Duck fic that I originally wrote when I was 15, and then a rewritten version from when I was 29, but I've gotten a rejection from a literary agent since making that first lost post and now I'm not feeling quite so brave about sharing that.

No but like, I started really seriously writing when I was...10? 11? It was 5th grade. And don't get me wrong, I had nearly an adult reading level at that age, and my writing was definitely cogent, but. I was in elementary school. Now I'm 38. I've been a teenager who had a difficult relationship with their parents. I've been suicidal. I've experienced grief. I've lived in another country. I've been married to a man and subsequently divorced. I've come to terms with my queerness later in life (and am still coming to terms with it!). I've read a lot. I've been in a writing critique group. And I have written a freaking shit ton of words. I cannot even begin to imagine how many words I've written. I have over 2 million posted on AO3, and that's...not really a significant portion of all the words I've written over my life.

Anyway the point I think I'm trying to make is that the things that improve your writing are: writing, reading, and living.

Thank you so much for asking!!

deep fic writer asks