#thank you anon for letting me infodump about these idiots

[mountainashfae]

which MahoYaku character has the biggest mean bitch energy? I always figured it was a normal otome where every boy is at least somewhat nice, but that Figaro guy you just talked about sounds 110% up my alley.

Okay my dear anon sit down I’m gonna go all out on infodumping for you.

MahoYaku has 21 different characters, a chunk of them are Not Fuckable because they’re babies, but the rest are fair game and I actually love the variance in character personality and writing. There’s about 5 that I would list have “mean bitch energy,” including Figaro, and I’m just gonna turn this into a “Top 5 Bitches of MahoYaku” for you.

5. Figaro

He actually goes on the bottom of the list because in the last 400 years or so (this wizard is an unknown age above 2000 btw) he’s settled down in the South and is trying to become a better person. He is very intent on being seen as a good person, almost to a creepy extent because this image here is him going “ohh, I was such a good person just then” in the main story, but that doesn’t erase his past sins.

He has a Resting Villain Face however, and the only people who are fooled by his goody two-shoes act are Rutile and Mitile. When those two aren’t around, he hardly tries to hide his true nature. I’d classify him as “Bitch Who Is Trying To Redeem Himself But Isn’t Really Good/Sincere About It”.

4. Mithra

The first of the sanbaka, Mithra is a wizard from the North who is known as the most powerful wizard second only to Oz. He does what he wants, takes what he wants, has only cared about one person ever in his 1000 or so years, and will not hesitate to cut a bitch if he sees them as a threat or an annoyance.

He’s this low on the list because he’s very apathetic and generally doesn’t care about 90% of things unless someone comes around and literally beats him into submission. He’s got Magic Insomnia so he’s been going days at a time without sleep and that adds to his bitch factor because This Man Just Wants To Fuck Off And Sleep.

A favorite candidate in the JP fandom to ship with the protag, specifically the male one, thanks to the wonderful canon bit of “he can only sleep if MC is holding his hand”.

3. Bradley

Another wizard from the North (4/5 on the list are), a fan favorite, and the second of the sanbaka is Mr. Bandit Leader With A Gun himself. No legit he has a gun and that’s the only one referenced in the entire game that isn’t a water pistol and it’s hilarious.

He actually falls more in line with the “asshole with a secret heart of gold” trope but the thing is. He’s a Northern wizard. He takes what he wants when he wants it, and is one of few Northern wizards with the capabilities to get a group of wizards together to work together.

He’s a very lovable bitch but also he was arrested by Figaro about 100 years ago and has been serving his sentence under the ancient eyes of Snow and White.

2. Shylock

The one character on this list that didn’t originate from the North, Shylock is a Western wizard and the owner of a popular wizard-only bar. He’s very polite and refined, and he makes it this high on the list for his extreme grudge, passive aggressive methods, and his choice to wield his sexiness like a weapon.

He’s the type that will be a bitch while smiling pleasantly the whole time, and you really have to get on his bad side for him to drop that smile. Make a fuss in his bar and he will close shop and kick you to the curb without a second thought. As a Western wizard, he’s a little lacking in morals (differently than a Northern wizard) and honestly could not give a flying fuck what other people think about him or his methods.

He’s not a bitch he’s the bitch.

1. Owen

When I think of a bitch I think of Owen. He pisses me off in ways that Figaro can’t, but I still love him because his writing is great, his situation is interesting, and he’s just my mortal nemesis but not in a romantic way. The third of the sanbaka.

His favorite pasttime, besides eating sweets, is pissing people off and he’s really good at it. The only reason he wasn’t turned to stone hundreds of years ago is because he’s basically a DnD lich and has his soul stored elsewhere.

He’s got heterochromia because he stole another character’s eye (Cain’s, my boy) and then swapped it with his own. He’s skilled in wriggling his way into other peoples’ hearts and causing them to want to kill themselves, and is objectively the most terrifying character in this entire game because of the joy and the expression he makes when he’s fucking with you.

But yes that’s my list of Bitches in MahoYaku and I love all these idiots (except Figaro).

Honorable Mention is Emiya Shirou Nero.

Used to be Bradley’s right-hand man, is lowkey implied to have been the one to turn him in, moved out to the East to open a restaurant and really is only a bitch when it comes to dealing with Bradley.