#thank you and do please come again

[vaggieslefteye]

HUSK, Hotel Bartender & Concierge | 1x04 - Masquerade

"Oh, I FORGOT — you're the wise-old bartender who's seen it all! Get the fuck over yourself and pour me a real drink."

[ynbabe]

Need someone to get in a 2000s style scandal real quick- oh shit some driver got caught smoking? Amazing, Max does coke before every race? Expected, hidden mistress (or mister) and kids? Perfect, another spygate? Absolutely, Fernandos being Fernando? We love to see it, a blonde driver finally broke and is committing war crimes with a queer aura that can only be found in nico rosberg and whatever the fuck is going between Sergio ramos and that blond twink from Croatia? Let me get my popcorn

#MakeF1MessyAgain

[wellcollapse]

EVAN BUCKLEY + THE DESIRE TO BE SEEN

↳ bonus:

[demonslayedher]

I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.

It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.

[deankarolina]

Chuuves go vintage shopping

[ezziemagpie]

Fanfic authors, please, I implore you, from one writer to another, DO NOT DELETE YOUR WORKS. Change the account ownership, make a different pseud to put it under, anonymise or orphan them, it doesn't matter, just please, please, PLEASE, do not delete them. Please. Even if you think they're badly written, or out of character, or a decade old, or 'cringe', or whatever, there will be some poor schmuck out there who loves what you've written and will cry over its deletion because they forgot to download it. - Sincerely, some poor schmuck who loves what someone wrote and has spent the last ten hours trying to track it down because he forgot to download it.

[moeblob]

Ananza realizing that Deacon's mom was a devoted follower of hers THEREFORE that's her son now, too! And she will dote on him and love him and never pick on him like all the other deities tend to do. That's her precious little boy who lives in another city and rarely gets to see her!

[pink-tk-a-latte]

PYPYPYPY! (That is how I shall summon thee. Like a cat's PSPSPSPSP- HEHEHE-)

If you feel inspired by my prompt, can I please request lee! Sigma and ler! Dazai? (Tone, romantic but not established relationship (YET LMAO-). I really don't have a coherent plot idea, I just woke up to the thought of Dazai *geeeently* fluttering his digits against Sigma's ears, sides, etc, being extra soft as Sigma desperately tries to crawl away, only to get pulled back into Dazai's lap (He loves it, he just refuses to LET himself love it XD). Sigma bby needs some softness after the last 3 years of his life tbh... And Atsushi is now experienced enough to predict Dazai's tickle attacks so his new victim is Sigma XD.

Have an awesome dayyy~!

-🫧 Anon~!

So I’m a cat girl now? (PYPYPYPY is hilarious from now on I will respond only to that) /j

ANYWAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REQUEST!!! You’ve been such a pal bubble anon!! Genuinely I’m so sorry for how long this took :((( I’ll blame it on end of school year busyness but I’ve also just been generally waffling (I have no reference for how long it should take to finish a request… uhhhhhh…)

Warning for,,, a spattering of tildes (there’s like three)? I know it’s cringe but I think they’re fun~~~~~ lmaooo

Regardless!!! On with the Sigzai!!!!!

Sfw tickle fic!!!!!!! Pre-Relationship Sigzai 💜🤎

Gypsophila, Baby’s Breath

In his mind, Sigma felt weightless. As if he and gravity had become estranged, acquaintances who’d fallen out of touch over time. As if he were drifting, floating, falling through the sky.

But then there were clowns with sharp teeth and dove wings, and strange, pale men offering their hands, and sands and seas of red and orange, and pages, and elevators, and flooding ballrooms with classical music—

And he was riding a giraffe, for some reason?

Then Sigma awoke, gasping as though he'd been ripped from a freezing ocean, to a warm and fluttering breeze blown against the back of his neck. He slapped a hand against his nape, a shabby attempt to hide his reaction.

“Wakey wakey, sleeping beauty!”

Sigma whipped his head around, still achey and foggy as he tried to remember who he was and where he was and what universe this was supposed to be.

A dream? Sigma twisted his face and rubbed his bleary eyes. It felt so real.

Granted, he had no idea why he would think that.

“Come back to reality yet?” He thought he recognized that voice. It was bright and entirely unserious and brought a sinking sensation to his stomach. “It’s rare to see Sigma sleeping on the job~!”

“Huh?” Sigma surveyed his surroundings. The lights were off, the room lit solely by the tangerine rays stretching from the windows. He glanced down at his desk.

His desk. At the ADA. His not-quite-yet home, only because he had nowhere else to go for now.

He looked up. Dazai was leaning over him, eyes a soft and welcoming brown in the rusty sunlight.

The rusty sunlight…

How long was I asleep for!?

Dazai laughed in his frothy-bubbly way. “Don’t worry, you were only out for an hour or so. It was almost the end of the day already.” Pulling up a chair, he scooted beside Sigma. “Although I’m impressed you lasted that long! You were practically falling asleep at the wheel the whole day!”

I was? Abashedly, Sigma frowned and rubbed his forehead. He eyed Dazai from the corner of his vision. “How did you—?”

“—Know what you were going to ask?” Now, Dazai was leaning his chin on his hand and staring up at him. The tender, charmed amusement those coffee brown eyes fixed him with was too intense to stare at directly, like a solar eclipse. “It’s because you’re easy to read, Sig-ma.”

“Wh- You- I am not!” Sigma huffed. “I can’t help that I’m no superhuman.”

Suddenly quiet, Dazai hummed and smiled, brown eyes closer to black now that they were out of the light. “Is that so?” He reached for the long locks of purple and white that weaved around Sigma’s shoulders. “But you treat yourself like a work machine!” He twirled his hair around his fingers.

Sigma had noticed that — Dazai was always reaching to touch, whether it be patting Atsushi or Kyouka on the head, leaning on Yosano’s shoulder, stealing Kunikida’s glasses or Ranpo’s hat, or pinching Sigma’s cheeks (???). He was simply tactile, as though he did it without purpose or logic.

The accused work machine crossed his arms. “I like work, though.”

Dazai made a comically disgusted face, then smoothed his expression back into untouchable levity. “You’re strange.”

Sighing, Sigma ran a hand through his hair, peeved to find it frizzing in all directions. He adjusted the strands that clung to his cheeks and tangled in his earrings, tucking them behind his ear.

Dazai’s fingers followed immediately, curious toward his adornments. Feather-light, they brushed against the back of his ear.

Sigma’s disproportionate flinch did not go unnoticed.

He grabbed Dazai’s wrist. “Hey— Hands to yourself.” He couldn’t help how his tone wavered.

“Aww, but why?” he whined. “Your earrings are so shiny. I just want to see~ them, Sigma.”

Really, Sigma didn’t mind being touched, but the memory of Dazai’s fingers skirting the shell of his ear sent a crack of hot lightning down his skeleton.

Sigma nibbled on the dry skin of his lip. “I just don’t want you to pull them out or something…” His gaze trailed up.

When Sigma met Dazai’s eyes, his stomach dropped at their impish glint.

He should’ve known he’d been caught the moment he woke up.

“Your reactions are always so curious.” Dazai grinned, and then his arms were around Sigma’s waist.

"Wait!" While Sigma yelped, Dazai pulled him out of the chair and into his lap, skittering blunt nails into his sides. "WAIHAIhahait! StahaHAP!"

Dazai was being so darn soft, digits just barely making an imprint in his skin, that Sigma was embarrassed by how loud he was. It was more of the surprise than anything, but the gentleness and the premonition of it felt like colorful beams of energy erupting from his brain.

"Shh shh." Dazai's chin rested on Sigma's fluffy head. "Just relax. Don't fight it." Said hushly, as though he were speaking to a rowdy critter.

“Whahahat do you mehehehEAN?” He shoved at Dazai’s shoulders, gripping restlessly at the other rolly chair for succor, but it insisted only on rolling away.

Cheek squished against Sigma’s elbow, Dazai babbled placatingly, “Just that I think you would like this if you calmed down!” He wrapped one arm around the desperate man to secure him in his lap, then flurried his fingers in between his shoulder and neck. Sigma squealed and curled into himself, drive to escape lost.

It was as though all his thinking had floated away in a toasty bubble of mirth. All notions of his duties, his past, the wants of other people, erased and overpowered by touch in the guarded swaths of his skin.

“DAhahahazai! Ehehehieek!” Sigma rocked side to side uselessly. “NoHOhot thehehere!”

“It’s such a fun spot though!” Dazai sang. “You’re just so perfectly shaped for grabbing, hm?”

Sigma shook his head, hair swirling around his figure. “WHAhahahat the heheHE—!?” His face was euphorically warm, even at the affronting statement.

He felt moisture bead on his lashes from the force with which he lidded his eyes. Somehow, he’d turned to face Dazai, burying his face in his collar. Sigma noticed that Dazai’s skin was as acutely hot as he felt.

Easy access permitted, Dazai blew on his ear, then laughed at how Sigma bristled and shrieked. Sigma cursed him through loopy, frantic giggles; even so, Dazai put in the effort to look offended.

“It really hurts me that you still push me away!” He sniffled theatrically. “After the secrets and promises we shared? Don’t you trust me?”

Ridiculously, Sigma felt just a tad guilty. “IhihI dohoho, buhut- !”

“Aww, that’s nice of you.” Dazai leaned in close to his neck. Sigma felt those lips curl into a smile… and shivered. “Probably a mistake, though.”

Scritches at the spot beneath his ear and pinches at his hip fried his nerves until Sigma lost his mind. Such clement touches, such violent sensations. Confusion only made him more frantic: Did he want to run from the feeling, or melt into it?

Questions for another time. Right now he just wanted a break.

“OhohokAHAY! Thahahat’s ehehenough!” Sigma pushed weakly against Dazai’s shoulders.

“Fine, fine.” Dazai stopped shortly after, taking Sigma into his arms as all the tension evaporated from his limbs. He settled Sigma back in his own chair without separating. Though he flinched at the contact, Sigma stayed.

As Sigma wheezed and puffed, Dazai’s nose dug into his shoulder. “See? I’m only human too.” He trailed off. Then, cheekily, “I’m mere prey to my desire for you~!”

Sigma sighed and patted Dazai’s cheek, ignoring the flare of heat in his own. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you were beyond human.” His mouth quirked oddly. “You told me yourself there’s no such thing.”

Dazai chuckled. “I don’t know, you’re pretty extraordinary.”

The pats turned into a (fond) slap.

“Ow!” He lifted his head and nursed his cheek. Sigma knew that pout was fake. “Mean, mean, mean! And I was just about to ask if you had fun.”

“What?” Sigma did not like how often he was becoming flushed.

That irritatingly brilliant mind waggled his eyebrow. “It’s nice, isn’t it? For a fleeting minute, you don’t have to think about anything. It’s bliss.”

Sigma played with his sleeve. “I… guess.” The admission made him warm all over again.

Dazai clapped and cheered and Sigma hit him again. There was a gasp from the man he was leaning against. “Oh, speaking of! Chuuya was asking how you were. He wanted to make sure you were taking it easy.”

Ah, well that was nice of him. Sigma grunted, still slumped against Dazai’s chest. “And here you are, holding me at work overtime.”

"Then let’s start heading back, shall we?" Dazai slid from his seat and halfway knelt on one knee, offering his hand (the same hand that a moment ago had been— nevermind). Sigma shook his head in exasperation but took it anyway.

Through the door and into the hallway, Dazai pulled Sigma by the hand, wrapped firmly but tenderly around his fingers. He met his eye with a smug, reminiscent look. "You know, this place is like a ballroom..."

"I swear, if you start dancing again, I’m leaving you here,” said Sigma, staring down the idea forming in Dazai's head.

"But our lives aren't in danger this time!" Unheeding, Dazai had flourished his free hand, ready to tango.

Against all odds, Sigma’s brow relaxed. He was right. There was no imminent doom in this moment, just the ADA's halls leading to nothing but stairs and an elevator that wasn't rigged (not that he was inclined to use it). Just Dazai, his warm, satiny, playful hands, and his invitation.

With a breath, Sigma loosened his shoulders. He let Dazai pull him into twirl, then a wrap, then a dip, and they began their dance once again.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

Baby’s breath symbolism: Purity, innocence, everlasting love and devotion, and new beginnings.

[canisalbus]

just a quick ask to tell u it makes me super happy seeing the detail u go into when pointing out stuff u like about other people's art of ur ocs :3 it's so rare to see but it's so so motivating!! <3

Thank you! I don't take any interest for my art for granted, and if someone goes through the trouble of drawing my characters for me, I feel like trying to write a proper response is the least I can do. For a visually oriented person, receiving gift/fan art is a huge deal, it means someone considered my goobers worth their time and effort, they've probably been thinking about them more than a little and found them inspiring in a way or another, and I find that terribly flattering. It's extremely fun and interesting to see other people's takes on them. And I've drawn stuff for people as well, I know how nice and rewarding it feels to receive a response that is longer than a word or two. Positive comments like that can linger in people's minds for a long time, at least for me they do.

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[carcarrot]

having another one of my job-related crises

[hall0wedwyrm]

Basically, TLDR i saw a fake screenshot on TikTok showing Amy in the Knuckles series and it got me thinking about how she... doesn't quite fit in the movieverse yet...

So here is my long rant about why it would be bad for her to join in Movie 3 and she should be saved for a future installment.

to preface: I DO NOT HATE AMY OR HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST HER. I think shes wonderful and shes literally a main character so shes very important obviously.

First, the elephant in the room. Shadow the Hedgehog. One of, if not THE most, complex character in the Sonic franchise, let alone in the main expanded cast. Having to introduce, and illude to, aspects of Shadow’s backstory (his relationship with Maria and Gerald, The ARK, how he was made, and the fallout) and his future (returning with amnesia in his next appearance, potentially introducing the Black Arms and some of the Heroes and Shad05 story beats that are important who he becomes) in about an hour and a half to 2 hours. I just don’t see how it would be a good idea to introduce a core member of Sonic’s friends into the movie series when she could be introduced later so that Shadow has more of a time to shine, and Amy can too later on.

Historically, Amy’s talk to Shadow to remind him of his promise to Maria has been filled in by another character when the plot called for it. In Sonic X, during its own adaptation of SA2, Chris spoke to Shadow to try and help him remember his real purpose and talk sense into him. While it didn't exactly work out, it shows that this role could be interchangable in SEGA’s eyes. I propose a similar story, using Tom’s niece Jojo. Being a character who is around Maria’s age and doesn’t have a complete character behind her as of now, this could be a more meaningful way for Shadow to realise his purpose and remember his promise. Hearing the words from someone who is like Maria (a young girl who cares about Earth) would be more impactful to him. I can see any human character taking up this role though, but Jojo would be the best candidate, due to her simiarities to Maria.

However, while not introducing another new character could be good for not overcrowding the movie with new arcs and introductions involving them, I could see this working for one character; Rouge the Bat. She was introduced along with Shadow in SA2, which is immediately a good sign, as their plots intertwine with each other. They both work with Eggman, until they turn the focus on saving the world. Rouge is one of Shadow’s closest companions going forward, and has her own arc too. She is the one who frees Shadow in Heroes, and rekindles their friendship there.

Rouge also could connect back to the previous movie. Being a jewel thief at heart, she goes after the Master Emerald, but in Movieverse its destroyed and the Chaos Emeralds are retrieved from it. She is established as being the Rival to Knuckles, and this could help him fill a new purpose on Earth (cos lets be honest… he didn’t really do that in his show-) of becoming a protector of the Chaos Emeralds instead or something. The main part of SA2 is about the Chaos Emeralds so this makes sense. Refinding the Emeralds or going to the right spot to use them and such but thats besides the point.

Another huge loss of introducing Amy in Sonic 3 is missing out on how she was introduced in the franchise. In Sonic CD, she was introduced along side another key character in the franchise; Metal Sonic. She saw a blue hero coming to help her, believing it to be Sonic, but turned out to be Metal instead. Having Amy navigate the trio around and give them the lore would make a lot of sense, given the way that others were introduced in the second installment.

Its also appropriate for this introduction too, since Metal Sonic is the perfect equal to Sonic, compared to Shadow's unintentional equal. After Eggman's failure of using Shadow, creating Metal is the next best thing. Whatever the story is with Metal, whether its faithful to Sonic CD or is twisted to fit the Movieverse story.

Now... I think introducing Amy could also mess up a lot of aspects of what the movieverse has set up for the stories of the characters. I 100% know that they will try and pull off a romance for Sonic and Amy, since its one of her main character arcs and for the longest time and its kind of (??) the main romance of the franchise. BUT according to the Sonic Dream Team character profiles, and the ending of Frontiers, she's drifted away from that interest in him... so to go back to that would be a really weird choice. I know its a different universe, but if SEGA is trying to steer away from that, then why would they go back on it?

PLUS I think it would be a huge detriment to both of their characters. Movie Sonic is much different to the Sonic's of the past, as he has all of the charms of Modern Sonic (his quick wit and charming personality) but hes younger and less experienced and jumps head first without thinking because he doesn't know what to actually do. He was thrown into the role of the hero in the first movie because the place he grew up was being threatened and he refused to run away. Amy being introduced as solely 'the love interest' also does a disservice to her character. She's strong willed, and unafraid to stand up to Eggman and any other wrong doer. She's also rather hot headed but still kind and cares for those who matter. (this is also part of a larger discussion i wrote about how in canon Sonic and Amy wouldn't work out because they want different things and are very different people but thats for a different day and/or if anyone is interested). Sonic immediately switching to a head-over-heels guy would be a complete ruin of his character built up, while also immediately destroying Amy's.

Another problem is that there isn't a focus on romance of any kind in the story so far, and introducing it could mess up what they have going. The Movie's are clearly about familial love and growing up and filling the boots of a hero. It is not a story of romance in any way. The first movie was friendship, the second was about family bonds and making new friends, and the third is most likely about trust or learning to trust again (Shadow has to trust Sonic to save the world). It'll also be a huge moment for Sonic's character; Meeting someone who is not just against him and Knuckles and Tails, but against the world itself, someone who is so hellbent on revenge for the one he lost, and how hes going to over come that WHILE meeting his new love interest... is a huuuuge task to pull off and the two stories don't really mix imo. Plus even in SA2 the extent of the romance is just 'Amy mistaking Shadow for Sonic and then she thinks its awkward and gets embarrassed and thats how they meet for the first time'.

So yeah this could be done much better if it's something thats going to happen, and it would be better left for a 4th or separate installment. Having a mini romance arc along with the Metal Sonic stuff works better because the introduction of a potential romance was worked more into Sonic CD than anything.

Im still gonna be pissed off if they do a romance, because Sonic the Hedgehog has never been about romance... but its also a multimillion kids film franchise and its bound to happen, especially when its the main male and main female character. Just know i won't enjoy it lol.

IF they do Amy... I want tarot cards AND the Piko Piko Hammer and if you take either of them away i will be causing problems (on purpose). If you give her the original outfit +11 points and if you make up an outfit whatever as long as it works and its cute (I'm partial to Dungarees myself).

anyway yeah id like to see other opinions on this... maybe some other ways it could work out? or how else she could be introduced? or maybe even of she could be in Sonic 3 but idk what they would do for her to make her not get sidelined or overtake the plot...?

[acourtofquestions]

“He'd deceived her, had lied to her. This man who she'd believed held no secrets between them. She didn't know why it made her want to shred everything within sight.”

— cause um… as you just said Miss Manon YOU CARE (& it’s even giving Chaolaena vibes in the I CARE way)… so like all I’m saying is you love him duh?

[shadowxamyweek]

(for the character asks)

Do either of you like dancing? I think the mood could be lightened up a bit

[A taunt but warm silence stretches through the pillow fort. Shadow is still, trying to process both the kiss and Amy's words thereafter. Amy, for her part, can no longer maintain eye contact. She picks at a ball of lint on the blanket beneath her. Nobody moves.] Amy:... I wanna dance. [Shadow shakes their head and blinks as they come back to themself.] Shadow: What? [Amy does not reply. Instead, she grabs their hand, tugging them along as she leaves the pillow fort. In trying to get out as fast as possible, the pillow fort collapses around them. Amy laughs. Shadow is less than amused.] Shadow: (`⌒´╬) Amy: Oh don't make that face. We can build it again. We can build it better. Isn't that great? Shadow:(ಠ_ಠ)? [Amy wraps her arms around Shadow, locking her hands together behind their shoulders as she looks them in the eye.] Amy: That we can do whatever we want, and nobody will stop us. [Shadow immediately looks away. They are unsure of where to put their hands.] Shadow: There's no music. Amy: I don't care. [Amy nuzzles her face into Shadow's. Shadow freezes. Slowly, they bring their hands up to rest on her biceps.] [Amy begins to move in silence. Then, softly, she hums. It's not a tune Shadow recognizes. Without looking, Shadow knows she's shuffling her feet, a pantomime of a dance she knows. Shadow does not dance. Yet still, in this moment, he allows himself to be swayed.] [Amy's humming is broken for a moment, notes struggling to be held as a restrained giggle ripples through her tune.]

[mangofresca]

Dude genuinely, I cannot describe how incredible your writing makes me feel. You are one of the most skilled and creative writers I've met out there, your vivid and rich descriptions the way you connect so many words with still such a natural flow is just breathtaking. Everything is so incredibly tangible and authentic to imagine. Seriously jaw dropping. Like idgaf you've become my favorite writer atp I think.

I've already commented on your fic on Ao3 (red wine and honey), but i just had to voice it again. Currently I'm reading another fic of yours (māvors) and it already has me sobbing. Your writing style is seriously insane and pulls tears from me that no other fics have done - and smut at that. It's so hard to write smut in such a stunning and emotional way, but you've mastered it. Like atp I'm afraid to read your stuff because I just know I'll cry again, but it's so addicting still.

And please, oh lord, can we talk about the way you depict Spamano in your fics - they're always so warm and tender and easygoing, yet somehow mature and passionate and so, so red and you bring that dynamic/vibe across perfectly. Like God I love them so much, Spamano melts my heart whenever it merely crosses my mind and I'm so happy to have found a fellow writer in 2024 who appreciates them just as much, if not more. (Plus you may or may not have infiltrated my brain with some new headcanons about them, possibly within the realm of Antonio having a tear/reaction kink…) Man. I desperately need spamano mutuals that get me, do u perchance wanna be friends 👉👈 

Alright sorry for the essay. There's just genuinely no way to even try to describe how in love I am with your writing and how much it inspires me with my own, while also keeping myself short. Ken out🫡

↑ accurate representation of my reaction upon reading this ask

No, but really. I have been sitting on this since you sent it to me, trying to find the words to describe not only my appreciation, but my gratitude. I've read and reread this so many times I could probably recite it from memory, and even that doesn't come close to how much I wish I could print this out and eat it or frame it or frame it and then eat it.

From the bottom of my heart: thank you. This is everything I've ever wanted to hear, and to know that my writing struck a chord with you enough to make you send me something so heart-wrenchingly kind...it really is all I've ever wanted. Your favorite writer? That's beyond words to me, and I simply cannot fathom someone enjoying my writing enough to label me as a favorite. Thank you.

Spamano especially brings out something primal in me, and it always makes me so happy to know others see them the same way and enjoy how I portray them in my fics. Thank you for loving my interpretations of them, and thank you even more for making me cry with your compliments. (And you can pry Spain's tear/crying/reaction kink from my cold, dead hands. That is one of the foundations of my interpretation of him, and I will die on the hill that nothing gets him going quite like Romano turning into an overstimulated mess at his hand.)

I would love nothing more than to be friends, and you are welcome to message me with whatever thoughts you have. I am currently on vacation, so I may not be the fastest at replying, but you have absolutely made not only my day, but my year, and I would adore talking to you more.

Thank you again. More than I can ever say.

[deathsmallcaps]

I work as the person in an amusement park who watches the children who get lost. Here’s some advice. This also applies to any mentally disabled adults that are under your care. Keep in mind that many places will not look for a minor ages 13-17 unless it is close to closing or they are disabled, as corporate considers it a strain on resources and employee use.

1. Teach them your phone number. Best gift you can give them. I’m not supposed to have my phone out at work but I can cut down dependent’s being-lost-time by probably 400% if I can contact you. It also assures the children That We Are Doing Something and that They Are Helpful and Smart. If your dependent has a poor memory, apparently writing your phone number in sharpie and then covering it in nail polish makes it stay all day, even if they’re sweaty or getting in the water. I haven’t tested this but I’ve heard a lot of moms recommend it. I’ve also seen bracelets with little plates or the beads saying the phone number.

Addendum: your dependent may tell you that they know your phone number, but they actually only know your passcode. True story. This summer has been a lot better, but last summer exactly one child the entire season knew his mom’s phone number.

2. Acknowledge that dependent’s memories are faulty, especially in new places. If you tell them to meet you in X spot or that your stuff is all in Y place, they may not remember where it is or remember how to get there.

3. All dependents, but especially little ones, have shit time sense. They might find your stuff, wait there for a minute or two, and truly believe that they’ve been there for an hour. Half the small kids that are brought to me are ones who *know* where their stuff is, but haven’t seen an adult they know personally in 5 minutes, so they’re going to panic.

4. Don’t take naps!!! And don’t let your dependent go anywhere you can’t go or at least go where you catch them at the end!!! Yes you’re staring at the play structure your dependent entered, but can you see them? No? Then there’s a good chance they went elsewhere. So many of the littler kids that are brought to me are brought by genuine, good-hearted strangers who see lost children and take them by the hand. Away from the spot you’re napping in front of/staring vaguely at.

5. This might just be something from my work, but we will not call dependent’s descriptions over the loudspeaker. This is because if an asshole were to see your dependent, hear the description, know it’s a lost dependent, and decide to steal it, they can then use the excuse, “I know where your guardian is! Come with me!” And then lead them out of the park or toss the dependent over their shoulder. Do you know how many crying and screaming dependents leave the location every day? A lot!!! We’re a fun location!!! We’re not going to know if the dependent is screaming because they don’t want to leave or if a stranger is taking them away. We might call the description over the loudspeaker if it’s past closing time and the dependent still isn’t found. But before that, we will only report it over secure radios across the park.

6. Tell a park worker right away. Preferably someone with a radio. Even if you spot the dependent within the next minute, that means the dependent will have less being-lost time. Especially if we already have the dependent with, you guessed it, me. Also please tell us when you find the dependent.

7. Take a picture of your depdendent at the start of the day! That way security guards can have a good idea of what to look for. One mother told me her daughter was blonde and showed me a picture. Her hair color looked brown to me, but then I knew what to look for in the crowd.

8. Keep at least one person in your group in one spot at all times, especially if you don’t have access to your phone or forgot to give out your phone number to the guards. That way they can find you if they pick up the dependent. If you are the only person in your group, then PLEASE stay in one place or at least stay with ONE security guard. It sucks for the dependent if they can’t find you right away even if the both of you are looking for each other and a guard is helping them. You are NOT helping if you panic and run around. And keep your goddamn phone on you and answer calls from unknown numbers!!!!! God. This is a good time to do that.

9. If you lose your dependent in an attraction like the lazy river at a water park, and you have that ONE person staying in place, then this is what you can do with 1+ mobile people.

A. If only one person can be spared to be mobile, have them pick a spot and stay right there, watching the river go by. Eventually, if the dependent is in the river, they’ll go by.

B. If you have two people that can be mobile, both start at the same place in the river and go opposite directions. If you meet up again without spotting the dependent, well, they’re not there.

C. If you have more than 2 people, you can do B but also station different adults at the lazy river entrances/exits.

10. Don’t blame the dependent! Even if they ran away and/or are pissy that you’re upset once you all reunite, trust me, there’s a 99% chance they’re upset too. Yes, this is a good time to have a serious conversation with them. Yes, if this is a repeated problem, and/or you warned them you’d leave the park if this occurred, you should not back down. But also - they’re dependents. They’re not stupid, and they should be told consequences and dangers so they can make good decisions, but they will never have the adult/guardian perspective that you do. Be kind.

Also please for my sake teach them if they’re brought to someone like me, that it’s THEIR job to be safe and listen to me while us park workers look for you. It’s YOUR job to find the dependent, not the dependent’s job to find you. I had a six year old little girl genuinely toddler-howl at me because she wanted to go look for her mom. I’ve never before heard a kid her age howl like that. I can trick kids out of crying 9/10 times but howling came as a surprise lmao. I think I can manage it now that I’ve experienced it but damn.

Also make sure those kids are DRINKING. Being in a water park is NOT the same as drinking water. They should be drinking every 15 minutes at LEAST, I am NOT kidding.

Also if I call you to tell you your kid is here, please don’t call or text me back after you have the kid. I’m sure other places have phones for these types of things but the only one I have is my personal phone. And I am happy to get the kid off my hands and into your arms, but I’m using my personal phone so plz. Don’t call me back. Absolutely call me if you need directions to my ‘office’ in the park. Don’t call or text me after. I have stories about that hoo boy but this post is already long.