#thank god for the coen brothers honestly

[fran-kubelik]

What's a movie you hated so much you, like, took it personally?

[frostbitepandaaaaa]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

thanks for the tag @andorerso and @quarantineddreamer

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

weirdly enough.... exactly like B-- i was a young, weird little girl who wanted to live in Brian Jaques' world of Redwall so i wrote little stories of my own in that universe. shit, i could not have been older than 9 or 10. it just kind of sprouted from there.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

published fics? six. (x files, game of thrones, mad max: fury road, star wars/rogue one/andor, avatar the last airbender, harry potter) unpublished? maybe three or four more than that.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

when i started publishing fanfic... oh my god it's been like 19/20 years now.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

write. i go through phases, of course, but i am such a picky bitch. my phases usually end up like this:

step one) i read everything there is to read based on a certain niche trope that i am in the mood for at the time.

step two) wow! that was great. what a feast!

step three) ...okay i'm still hungry and these fics didn't quite scratch this very, very niche itch i have so--

step four) *chuckles* i'm in danger.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

i feel like i've gotten a lot better at plotting and pacing. it's weird, because i never felt like that was really an issue for me before, but i've realized that until i started writing for rebelcaptain, i was heavily a 'vibes-based' writer. which i feel that i still am in many ways, but with rebelcaptain i am going back and resequencing, cutting/adding/shortening and deleting way more than i have in the past in order to maintain tension and pacing better. wether or not these things are actually improved is another matter altogether, but i feel like they are. (and is a big reason why all of my multi-chapters take forever........ sorry about that. it's me slicing and dicing my drafts). the world building aspect of Star Wars is also really cool-- wanna a certain setting? just fucking make it up! no one cares. and as a setting slut, i love this for me. <3

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

australian cattle stations.

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

i don't discriminate, but the comments that compare me to other works/creators (i've gotten Bronte, Justified, the Coen Brothers and others). those both make me so happy and so mad because how???? no way. not me. @justwandering-neverlost also left my favorite comment ever, before we were friends-- that i inspired her to be a better writer. and now look at us! she can't get rid of me! bet she regrets that. <3

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

me and my western/small/rundown town settings. you can pry that shit from my cold, dead hands. also... storms.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

modern aus honestly. i start one in order to give myself reprieve from angst and plot and shit and all of a sudden i am having hours-long breakdowns about how this character would fit into this setting and how this character would react to this this thing in this time and all of a sudden the fluffy little modern au has grown 5000 legs and now is a hydratic millipede of hellish proportions that i have to methodically find a way to domesticate without cutting off more legs because two more grow in its place and--

10. What is the easiest type?

you want angst? pining? idiots in love? i got you.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

i write anywhere-- on my phone in my car in between appointments at work. at my desk at home. on my couch. in the bar. in my bed. on the patio. i use ulysses. i love the formatting options and just the simple UI in general. it allows you to be as organized or unorganized as you want (very unorganized in my case). as to what time... i'm trying to get better about only finding writing strides at like... 11PM on Tuesdays but alas.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

any historical au. i would love to do one cause i love research and world building and all that but... uh... see my complaints about modern aus above and you can see why i have avoided those. it's one of those 'i've never tried [insert addictive drug here] because i know that i would like it too much and it would ruin my life' sort of situations

13. What made you choose your username?

i was like 8 or 9 years old and wanted to get into a Harry Potter chatroom and everything i picked was 'already taken'. cue me just smashing two words together and never really looking back.

no pressure tags: @justwandering-neverlost @chipthekeeper @luciechat @fulcrumstardust @incognitajones

[dhwty-writes]

Congratulations for your follower milestone!!! Prompt if you like: Jaskier's first winter at Kaer Morhen and he finds out about the witcher cuddle pile in front of the fire every evening and is delighted to be invited to join them.

Thank youuu~ You have discovered my largest weakness. Cuddle piles! This was a wonderful prompt. I hope you like it :)

Read on AO3

There were certain things in Jaskier's life that fell prey to exceptionally high standards. His students at Oxenfurt, the wine in Toussaint, or the longevity of the colours of his doublets to name a few examples. But all of them were dwarfed by the looming shadow that was the ruin of Kaer Morhen.

But honestly, who could blame him? Everyone knew he had a soft spot for history and legends, he was a bard after all. And what was Kaer Morhen but the decaying visualisation of said stories? What were witchers but living and breathing ballads and epics?

He vividly remembered his days in Lettenhove when his tutor had first mentioned the ancient castle that was now crumbling beneath the crushing burden of centuries, still defiant even after being sacked nearly a century prior, but rotting. The waves of time lapped at its foundations and soon it would see its end, consumed by the ocean of the ages that eventually wore down everything created by humankind. That evening he had stolen the tome his tutor used to torture him and practically inhaled the section about Kaer Morhen.

And then he had met Geralt — of course he had met Geralt, of all witchers, who suffered from selective muteness whenever he tried to ask him about his childhood. The little information he had been able to glean had barely been enough to conjure up an even more grandiose image than before.

In his dreams Kaer Morhen was an enchanted fortress, frozen in time and ice and snow. It was cloaked in an eerie charm, abrasive and inviting at once. Maybe there were even some vines encapsuling it in a thorny coffin, like in that fairy tale he had been told as a child. In any case it was majestic. Monumental. Mind-blowingly magnificent, even.

He had never experienced a worse disappointment in his entire life.

Alright, maybe he wasn't quite fair to the damp old thing, but after weeks of freezing his balls off while traipsing through the late autumn Kaedwen mountains he really shouldn't be blamed.

Despite Geralt equipping him with a whole new wardrobe fit for a winter up-north both of them had arrived shivering and soggy. Never in his life had he been more thankful for a bed with scratchy furs and lumpy pillows.

Since then a week had passed, but he hadn't quite forgiven the castle of his dreams, the frankly heinous journey it preceded yet. Not only was Geralt's home in the middle of fucking nowhere, it was also icy and drafty and, on a bad day, even snowy.

Jaskier had known, of course, that Kaer Morhen was a ruin. He just hadn't imagined it quite so... ruined, if he was honest. Nor had he imagined himself being tasked with aiding in the never-ending string of repairs that appeared to fill the majority of the winter days for the four remaining witchers of the wolf school and Coen, the last of the griffins. 'Oh, that's a title for the songs,' he thought as he handed Geralt a hammer.

"Are you alright?" the witcher asked from somewhere above him, where he was fixing a broken beam of the truss.

"Who, me?" Jaskier answered and tucked his frigid fingers into his armpits. "Of course, why are you asking?"

There was an alarming creak from above followed by the CLANG CLANG CLANG of a hammer. "Because I can hear your jittering from here. Are you dressed warm enough?"

He scoffed. "Who are you? My mother?"

The hammering stopped. "Well, are you?"

Jaskier couldn't help but smile. "Yes, Geralt. I'm a good lad who's wearing his undershirt, knitted sweater and lined gloves."

"And the woollen hose Vesemir gave you?"

"And the woollen hose Vesemir gave me."

"Good. Let's go back, it's getting late." There was some shuffling that meant Geralt was packing up. Moments later he dropped out of the rafters to land before Jaskier.

"Gracious gods!" he squealed and leapt back. "Geralt, you know I hate it when you do that!"

"I know," he said with a smile and began walking down the hall, "and you know that you mustn't get sick here. There's only so much we can do about pneumonia up here."

"Hmph," he answered and hurried after him, "I'm trying. Which is why you don't see me complaining."

Geralt shot him a condescending look.

"Alright, alright," he amended generously, "I'm only complaining a little. But honestly, why didn't you tell me I'd freeze my buttocks to the benches if I sit down too long?"

He snorted a laugh. After a short pause, he added solemnly: "I thought you wouldn't want to come, then."

"Not want to come? Have you listened to a word I've said since meeting you? I mean, of course you haven't, that's a rhetorical question, darling, but still. I've wanted to come here since... forever! And even if you'd told me, do you seriously think I'd have listened? Don't be ridiculous, I never listen to your warnings."

"True," Geralt agreed. "Still, no one comes to Kaer Morhen on their own volition."

"Do I look like no one to you?"

He squinted at him to size him up. "Hmm."

Jaskier laughed and punched his shoulder. "Arsehole."

"Perhaps I am," Geralt answered with a sly smile.

"Probably you are."

"Maybe."

"Definitely!"

The witcher pouted, which, quite frankly, looked ridiculous. "Don't be mean, Jaskier. You're a guest, after all."

"Ugh," he said and rolled his eyes, "fine."

"Fine," Geralt agreed and opened the door to the Great Hall. It was the only room in the whole fucking keep that was reasonably warm, so Jaskier felt confident to remove at least one layer of clothing while Geralt put his tools away. He was in the process of folding his sweater, when he spotted Lambert and Eskel in the corner, tightly curled up against each other.

"Oh, uh, Geralt?" he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Your, umm, your brothers. Should we better leave?"

"Bard," Lambert answered, "you know that we can fucking hear you, right?"

"Right!" he answered quickly. "Sorry. Geralt?"

But his witcher was already on his way to the two of them. Once he reached the layer of furs and carpets that blanketed the floor, he stripped his boots and sweater and flopped down unceremoniously on top of them.

Jaskier couldn't help but stare. Not for long of course, no stares could go unnoticed for long when it came to witchers, but still.

Eskel raised his head with an amused smile: "What? You won't join us?"

"So, that's how you keep warm!" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "I was already wondering how all of you survived these winters as children."

The three witchers shared an awkward gaze. "Not all of us," Eskel answered.

"Oh," Jaskier said. 'Oh shit,' he thought. "Well, uhmm, I'm leaving, then. Yup, that's me. Leaving this room. Sorry. Again. Or for the first time. Have a nice evening!"

"Jaskier," Geralt growled and lifted his head from Lambert's back, "don't be an arse."

"Oh, uhmm, I'm trying not to be," he laughed nervously. "Well, you know me. I'm always trying. Sometimes I'm even successful. Yay..." He was suddenly feeling much too warm, despite the freezing temperatures.

"Then stop fussing and get the fuck over hear," Lambert grumbled. "I won't listen to Geralt's bitchin' for another evening. Fifteen winters is more than fucking enough."

"Mhmm," Eskel agreed and yawned noisily. "Fifteen years of 'Ohh, Jaskier gives the best hugs' and 'He smells so nice'. Wouldn't shut up about you..."

"Excuse me?" he squeaked undignified. Jaskier awkwardly cleared his throat. "Excuse me?" he tried again.

"Geralt," Lambert hissed and kicked him into his stomach, "I think we broke your bard."

"Hmm?" he answered and turned his head sleepily towards him. He blinked a few times before his gaze cleared and his eyes focused on him. "Fuck," he muttered and slowly at up. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing!" Jaskier assured him too quickly. "It's, umm... it's just that this situation is a tad awkward. For me. You see, I never think before speaking, and sometimes words slip past that were never meant to see the light of day and I'm truly sorry for offending you-"

He was interrupted by bellowing laughter at that. "Oh, he's cute," Eskel said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Fuckin' adorable," Lambert agreed. "Look, bard," he said and leaned onto his forearm, "we're witchers. It takes a whole fuckin' lot more to offend us."

"I know, I know, believe me!" He rolled his eyes. "It's one of your most infuriating qualities. And the competition is hard, just so you know. I've-"

"Jaskier," Geralt interrupted him gently. "Just come over here? Please?"

He huffed and uncrossed his arms. "Well, if you ask so nicely." Despite his prevalent discomfort he crossed over to them, sighing when Geralt wrapped his arms around his waist. "That's nice..."

"Mhmm," he agreed and dropped backwards, pulling a shrieking Jaskier with him.

"Geralt," he complained loudly, writhing in his arms, "warn me for fuck's sake! I could've crushed someone."

"Unlikely," Geralt declared and began pulling off his boots, before rearranging the surrounding limbs, until Jaskier was safely snuggled between the three witchers. For the first time since he had set foot into the Kaedwen mountains, he was finally warm again. Slowly, he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

It was almost too easy with three warm bodies curled around him, all of them intently listening to his breath evening out. He was almost asleep when they finally dared to speak up: "Fuck," Lambert whispered and cuddled closer, "he does give great hugs."

He couldn't help but smile and tighten his grip on his waist a bit.

"Yeah," Eskel agreed, "don't think I'll ever get up again."

"Don't think I'll give him back," Lambert said. Geralt growled and he laughed quietly. "What do you say, bard? Come with me in spring?"

Jaskier smiled and turned around to hug Geralt instead. "Not a fucking chance."

Send me prompts to celebrate my follower milestone!

[thepuckishrogue]

One of them tag game posts type deals

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better. [ignoring that bit b/c I always feel like I’m bothering people lmao]

Tagged by: @aspiratinganxiety A pretty awesome lady all the way around far as I can tell. Plus she write that Batfam good-good so if that’s your jam click here and treat yo’self! Thanks for the tag darlin’, you’re far too kind!

Name: Imogene [so named for my grandmother]

Nickname: Immy and a whole slew of things best not repeated [my friends/family members are terrible people who come up with terrible names >.>]

Gender: Female

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 5'6″

Time: 1:37 PM

Favourite Musicians: Too many, but what’s been on repeat as of late is NSP, TWRP, Planet Booty, Artic Monkeys, PUP, The Correspondents, Nujabes, and Zion.T. Then of course there’s my trusty-dustys: Lady Day, Aretha, Parov Stelar, Billy Joel... [links lead to YT vids of my current favorites by the artist]

Song Stuck in My Head: Zion.T’s “The Song”. Well really the entire OO album is fire and it p. much plays on loop in my head tbh; no lie I end up listening to it at least twice a day. PUP’s “Factories” also always seems to pop into my head at least once a day and honestly I’m not too sure what that says about me as a person...

Last Movie I Saw: Miller’s Crossing. One of my favorite Coen brothers movies second only to Raising Arizona. So many good one-liners:

“I open my mouth and the whole world turns smart.”

“...cause ethically he’s kinda shaky.”

“I think they’re gonna kill me, Tom! Oh God, are you apart of this?!”

“And I’m tired of you givin’ me the high-hat!”

Last Thing I Googled: Zodiac signs lol.

Other Blogs: Nah son. I can barely keep up with this one most days lmao...

Do I Get Asks: Not too often, no. As of late most ask are usually coming from someone asking if I’m still working on the fic that shall remain nameless lol. Honestly I don’t really interact with too many people on this site because like I mentioned earlier I always feel like I’m bothering people. Ain’t anxiety grand? Though if you do get me to talking--dude...

Why I Chose this Username: Eh, aside from a love for Saint’s Row there really isn’t a reason. I was one of those people that used to change their username a lot back in the day, but since evolving I now feel the need to stay “on brand” as the kids say do the kids even say that?

Following: 517 I think? I’m too lazy to check but I think that’s what it was last time I looked. I’ve been on this site for the better part of a decade, I lived through the ask-blog era and I can guaran-damn-tee you that at least 100 of the blogs came from that alone lol. A lot of defunct blogs too, but I feel bad about unfollowing them because what if they come back and all their followers are gone? That’s just sad, right? Plus I also kinda get attached to blogs, you know in a sentimental way. I like going back to those pages, reminds me of what I was into back then; warm’n’fuzzies and all that jazz...

Amount of Sleep: Sleep is for the weak making me strong af b/c I usually average about 4 hours a night.

Lucky Number: I don’t really have one, but 24 is my favorite number so... Close enough?

What I’m Wearing: Some black skinnies, a plain black sweater, and some neon pink socks.

Dream Job: Either a caker or a bread maker--weird, I know, but I love to bake and making bread is like one of the most relaxing things in the world to me.

Dream Trip: I honestly don’t even know. Right now I’m so focused on moving out of this town that I can’t really see beyond that goal...

Instruments: I used to play the clarinet long ago when the world was young and I was pretty darn good at it too. I’ve actually been thinking of getting back into it, but those little shits are expensive and honey got bills so that hobby’ll have to wait for now...

Favourite Foods: Too damn many so let’s just go with my current craving: a full Thanksgiving spread. I’m gonna need these days to hurry the fuck up we got all these ingredients in the house and I’m one whiff of a Yankee Candle away from going in there and throwing down, I fucking swear...

Favourite Songs: Again, let’s just go with a current: “Vienna” by Billy Joel.

Tagging: Like I said, I don’t want to bother anyone so if you made it to the end of this post and you want to take a go at it feel free! And tag me if you’d like, I’m always down to learn more about you lovely folk.

[stokan]

Every 2021 Film Nominated for an Oscar Ranked

1. The Worst Person in the World - This is a perfect movie. I honestly can’t remember the last movie I felt that way about. It’s only 2022 but there’s no chance that in 2029 this movie isn’t on my (and many people’s) top 10 of the decade list. I will go to my grave believing that if this movie had come out one month earlier it would have won Best Picture. It’s a movie that’s humanly impossible to dislike. What an achievement.

2. Dune - Not to get all Power of Movies on you, but this movie is Why Movies. This is why we go to movie theaters, and it’s what movies do that TV can’t. Something on this scale, this transporting, this immersive - it’s honestly awe inspiring. When you watch something like Dune and then you watch literally any other big budget spectacle it just makes you angry that movies CAN be this good, and yet choose not to be. Something can have such a human personal touch, and yet studios would actively prefer to make their films feel anonymous. I’ll never get over it. People may argue that Dune is all style and no substance, but the style IS the substance. This is world building-as-art. And people may argue that it doesn’t have an ending, and that’s true, but who cares? When the journey is this transfixing I could care less if it ever ends. Look, I could go on and on about Dune, but just know if you can get someone as blockbuster adverse as me to go this gaga for your mega-budget space worm movie then you’ve really achieved something. Villeneuve is God.

3. The Power of the Dog - When someone talks about a director being in command of material, this movie should be the first example that comes to mind. Every frame of this movie is a carefully constructed piece to a magnificent puzzle. And speaking of the power of movie theaters, this is maybe the all time example of the difference between seeing a movie on the big screen vs. at home. It feels like a miracle something that’s this slow of a slow burn can still get made, but thank god it was. A minor masterpiece.

4. The Tragedy of Macbeth - Kathryn Hunter!!! KATHRYN HUNTER!!! Of course the best performance of the year by a long shot wasn’t nominated for an Oscar. But at least Denzel was. If you think Musical Theater People are a hypercritical tough crowd then you clearly haven’t met Shakespeare People, so to somehow get around their gates is no small feat. But two absolutely astounding performances, a Coen Brother, German expressionism, Shakespeare, most of the Malcom stuff being cut, Bruno Delbonnel, arguably the best production design of the year, Stephen Root - what’s not to love? I’m so glad lazy high school students have this to watch now if they don’t want to read the play. What an intro to Shakespeare. What a movie.

5. Licorice Pizza - I have a real weakness for coming of age stories (see: #7 on this list). I love PTA. I live in the Valley. I’m an actor. This is a home run for me. People say nothing happens in the movie like that’s a bad thing. I could hang out in this world doing nothing forever.

6. Drive My Car - They had me at “3 hour Japanese movie about grief”. Then they had me even more at “theater director puts on multilingual production of Uncle Vanya”. It’s wild this movie has found as wide an audience as it has, but it’s certainly well deserved. Not every choice the characters make in the movie makes sense literally, but they all do emotionally. Beautiful film, and, honestly…could have been longer.

7. Belfast - If you’re looking for someone who wasn’t going to be utterly charmed and won over by a well-acted, well-made personal coming of age story scored exclusively by the music of Van Morrison then you’ve come to the wrong place

8. Cyrano - Of all the shocking Oscar snubs this year the fact that none of the songs from this film got nominated simply means to me that not enough people saw it. A totally bungled Oscar campaign and a real shame, as this deserves more love as the only truly original musical in the year of the movie musical. For a story that has been around for so long, it’s impressive the degree to which this blows all other film adaptions of Cyrano out of the water. And, as a Joe Wright film, it looks absolutely immaculate. You should check this one out.

9. Summer of Soul - Probably the most purely ENJOYABLE movie of the year. Incredible footage for something that never aired. What a find. A less rich man’s Get Back is actually VERY high praise.

10. Attica - An absolutely vital historical document. It’s truly crazy that even someone like me who is student of history knew nearly nothing about Attica, except for the fact that sadly it isn’t crazy at all. This honestly should be required viewing in history classes, it’s that important. Watch this movie and then as the closing credits are rolling try to tell me defund the police is too extreme of an idea, I dare you.

11. West Side Story - This year’s “I’m probably wrong about this one” nominee. Amazing filmmaking. Outstanding cast (justice for Mike Faist!). Great adaptation that against all odds makes a great case for its own existence. But for whatever reason it left me a little cold somehow. But I’m almost positive that if I rewatched it I would feel differently. For now though, it’s #11.

12. Don’t Look Up - I’ve long said that if you want to make a song with a message you’ve gotta make it catchy and obvious if you actually care about it doing any good. This is that song in movie form. I know it’s not cool to like this movie, but I think that’s partially baked into it. Being lame to coastal elites actually makes me like this movie more. And, I mean, Idiocracy is super obvious about its message and yet I think about that movie almost daily. I guess what I’m saying is I think message comedy is very hard, but it’s something I personally really respond to and respect, and although I think Adam McKay is fairly insufferable as a filmmaker, I actually enjoyed this and thought it was effective, if very flawed, and wasn’t just preaching to the converted.

13. King Richard - Enjoyable movie, incredible story, Will Smith deserves his Oscar.

14. The Lost Daughter - When doing any sort of list or ranking there’s a very important distinction that most people miss between favorite and best. Just because you personally loved something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s well made. And just because you didn’t like something doesn’t make it bad. For example, I didn’t really connect with The Lost Daughter at all. I found it cold and obtuse. But I also recognize that it’s a good movie. Just because it’s not for me doesn’t mean it’s not a well made film. It just means I can’t put any higher on my personal list than this.

15. Tick Tick Boom - As someone who has loved this musical since 2001, and considers seeing it on stage for the first time maybe the seminal theater-going experience of my life, do I love that this movie has become the movie of year for The Basics? I do not. Do I still dearly love this material and think Andrew Garfield absolutely crushes it, even if it doesn’t TOTALLY work as a movie? I do. Once a theater kid, always a theater kid.

16. The Mitchells vs The Machines - This year’s Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse, not in that it’s nearly as good as that movie, but in the sense it feels like it’s doing something truly new and modern and fresh with the medium of animation. The fact that this isn’t the frontrunner for Best Animated Feature is sad proof that people inexplicably still don’t take animation seriously.

17. Nightmare Alley - If you want to see Bradley Cooper acquire a taste for live chickens this is the movie for you. If you want to see me finally acquire a taste for the films of Guillermo del Toro, this ain’t it. Great cast though.

18. Hand of God - This being the midpoint of this list feels exactly right. Paolo Sorrentino is certainly a talented filmmaker, but still not sure if he’s for me or not. If you want to show your midwestern relatives an almost parody of what they think a “foreign film” is like, this would be great pick.

19. Flee - Great, important story; interesting filmmaking; a strangely blah finished product. Your milage may vary.

20. House of Gucci - Lady Gaga should have won Best Actress. Jared Leto should have won Most Jared Leto. I’ll always prefer a movie where people are taking big chances over a movie you forget the second it’s over, but the problem here is that no one was remotely taking the SAME chances, and the story felt like all set up, very rushed payoff.

21. Parallel Mothers - Almodovar is very hit or miss for me and this was a miss in my book. It felt like two totally separate movies that never came together for me. Like two lines that are moving in the same direction yet never intersect. I know there’s a word for that, I just cant remember it.

22 Ascension - Really interesting approach to presenting a story, and really great footage, but for my money it needed more focus and more clarity on the story it was trying to tell. If Don’t Look Up is hitting you over the head with a hammer with its message, then Ascension is lightly brushing you with a feather. I’m all for lack of plot, but at a certain point this all just turned to mush.

23. Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom - Should this have beaten out A Hero for a nomination slot? No, that’s absurd. But the movie is a slight and yet charming trip to Bhutan, a country I knew basically nothing about coming in, and the nomination was a great story for the nation itself. Also I definitely did the Leo pointing at the screen meme when the yak was finally in the classroom which was fun. So no harm, no foul.

24. Luca - I’m a massive Pixar fanboy, but I honestly don't remember anything about this movie other than that there are two cycling fish-boys. Are they bicycling or motorcycling? Or maybe it was a vespa? Who knows. I remember the whole thing being pleasant and nice and then immediately leaving my brain.

25. Raya and the Last Dragon - Encanto was a massive hit and this movie feels like it came and went without leaving a trace, yet while not a great movie by any means, it definitely deserved better. Not much there for adults, but if you have access to children you should have them check this out.

26. No Time To Die - I see what you did there, title of this movie. Fine Bond film I guess, but seemed a bit like everyone involved just wanted to be done with it. Also needed way more Ana de Armas, but then what doesn’t?

27. Being the Ricardos - Why?

28. Cruella - Great costumes. A fine time. And I’d watch Emma Stone in literally anything. But this is just The Devil Wears Prada suffering from a brain injury. And WAY too long and completely inessential. Still though: Emma Stone!

29. The Eyes of Tammy Faye - Weird to say, but this actually feels too low for this movie. I mean it’s completely unremarkable filmmaking and cliched standard-issue biopic stuff, but Tammy Faye is actually a pretty fascinating real-life figure and Jessica Chastain deserves the Oscar she’s probably going to win. She’s legit great in this. But putting it any higher on the list feels wrong too. So #29 it is.

30. Encanto - Great songs, total mess of a movie. Sorry kids ages 4-14, you’re wrong, this is not good. But it is VERY Disney if you’re into that sort of thing. #TeamPixar

31. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - Can someone explain Awkwafina to me please? The bus fight was cool, but when CGI things start fighting other CGI things I couldn’t possibly be more out. For Marvel though, perfectly fine.

32. Spider-Man No Way Home - ::very Bo Burnham voice:: “Look I made you some content!” Content meeting content so it can be spun off into more content!

If this is what culture is now then there truly IS no way home. But really though, will two friends from the same random high school both get into the world’s most selective university TOGETHER, or will their third friend have to give up being a super hero who has the ability to literally save the world partially so that they wont be briefly sad over something that doesn’t matter??? I MUST KNOW!!! GIVE ME THE CONTENT, DADDY!!!!! LET ME STARE STRAIGHT INTO THE GAPING MAW OF LATE STAGE CAPITALISM!!! MORE PLEASE!!!!!

33. CODA - Ok enough with the appetizers, here’s the main course. You might think I’m trolling putting CODA this low, but I’ve thought A LOT about this, and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart: CODA is not a good movie. Is it good at making you feel good? I didn’t think so, but I know a lot of people disagree, so sure, fine, whatever. But is it a good MOVIE? Not if you've ever seen a movie before.

Even leaving aside that it has absolutely no visual style or personal touch at all, leaving aside the fact that if you paused the movie 10 minutes into it you could predict basically everything else that would happen the entire rest of the movie, and ignoring the fact that the script is a virtual for word for word translation of a French film that made no impression whatsoever, what to me is most baffling about the reception to this movie is its lack of connection to anything resembling reality as I know it. Even Dune felt more realistic to me because at least Dune is up front about taking place in a fictional world. CODA takes place theoretically in our world, yet it doesn't seem to have any idea of how anything actually works - college admissions, teachers, high school choir, auditions, fishing, human behavior - none of it had any connection to the reality of those things as I know them. 

And sure representation is important, but this isn't the Incremental Progress Awards, it’s the Oscars. If deaf representation was actually so important to you then where were you last year for Sound of Metal - an original, complex, brilliantly made look at the deaf experience that felt totally real and totally vital. If you only care about representation when it personally makes you feel good then you can stop patting yourself on you back now well-meaning white people. “Deaf people like sex and are just like us!” isn't the progressive statement you think it is.

Look, its not CODA’s fault that it’s the Best Picture front runner, so most of my ire towards this perfectly pleasant TV-quality film maybe isn't deserved. But we get the art we ask for. There’s no money to be made in challenging, or progressive, or penetrating, or new. The money is in safe, and feel good, and familiar, and middlebrow. And there’s totally a place for that. I completely understand needing something that just makes you feel good. Something that warms your heart. Something you don’t have to think about. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is when that's ALL there is. And when we elevate CODA and say that it’s the very best that the art form of movie making had to offer in the year 2021 then it further erodes the ability of things that AREN’T that to get made. And the fact that that elevation is being done by the very people who should most know better is what troubles me so existentially. We should demand more from our movies than CODA offers or we’ll never get more from them, and that should matter very deeply both as artists and as humans. And what's most sad of all to me is I think most people don’t really care.

There’s no country for old men.

34. Writing With Fire - Incredible women, great story, but as movie - this year’s “I’m baffled by the documentary branch’s decision making” entry

35. Free Guy - The Mountain Dew Baja Blast of Truman Shows. If you wanted to argue that Ryan Reynolds pulling out a light saber at the climax of this movie is the absolute nadir of cinema you wouldn’t get any pushback from me.

36. Coming 2 America - This is the 2.5-spaced, margins-pushed-in, completed the morning it was due term paper of movies, only in this case the assignment was “get paid”.

37. Four Good Days - No.

SHORTS 1. Robin Robin (animated) 2. Bestia (animated) 3. BoxBallet (animated) 4. The Windshield Wiper (animated) 5. The Queen of Basketball (doc) 6. Ala Kachuu - Take and Run (live action) 7. The Long Goodbye (live action) 8. Audible (doc) 9. Affairs of the Art (animated) 10. When We Were Bullies (doc) 11. Please Hold (live action) 12. Three Songs for Benazir (doc) 13. Lead Me Home (doc) 14. The Dress (live action) 15. On the Mind (live action) - For the record, this is the absolute worst movie nominated for an Oscar this year. It makes Four Good Days look like The Godfather.

[lilnasxvevo]

KINGSMAN 2 SPOILERS

Okay I have a lot of thoughts about Kingsman and I am going to share them with you. They are silly and disjointed thoughts. This post is extremely long. 

Uh the fight scenes in this movie were fucking top notch. No single scene beat the true majesty of The Church Scene in the first Kingsman, but overall the quality of fight scenes was higher.

This movie was also a lot grosser than the first one tho? I did not need ANY of that meat grinder shit. Literally did not enjoy a single second of it. Kingsman has gone from campy violence to Coen brothers violence, and while I absolutely love the Coen brothers, I didn’t like that level of violence in Kingsman.

Listen. Roxy isn’t dead. Brandon isn’t dead. JB isn’t dead. Whiskey isn’t dead. Merlin isn’t dead. Nobody is dead. No one has ever died. Those deaths were so bullshit and I hated all of them and I haven’t emotionally processed any of them but I am probably going to cry my heart out the next time I watch this movie. (Here’s my rationale: Mark Strong has already teased that Merlin might still be alive so obviously he’s alive--plus  I covered my eyes when he died because I was afraid it would be super gross. We didn’t see the bodies of Roxy, Brandon, or JB, so obviously they’re still alive. Finally, that wasn’t Whiskey at the end of the movie, it was...his evil twin. That’s all I got on that one.)

I LOVE AGENT WHISKEY and I literally refuse to believe he was a bad guy. That was so sloppily done. At the very least they should have explained how Harry knew that Whiskey was a bad guy--that might have gone a little ways towards convincing me. But in general, Kingsman’s shit-ass treatment of people of color has got to stop. Whiskey could have just been a good guy but apparently Kingsman as a franchise has devoted itself to taking men of color down a notch. It sucks. There have been, what, four named men of color in two movies? And out of all four, Jamal is the only one who’s still alive. Fuck that shit a lot. (I believe half of the named women of color have died--I can only think of two across both movies.) 

I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper disappointed that there wasn’t more Agent Tequila. The trailers and the whole premise of the movie made it seem like he would be an actual character and not a guy who gets three appearances and ends up in a damn cryo pod for most of the movie. 

I wish this whole movie had just been about Ginger Ale. Okay, here’s a more realistic wish: I wish Ginger Ale had gone with the Kingsman guys instead of Whiskey. When she told Merlin that she really wanted to be a field agent, he should have stood up for her when the time came to decide who went on literally either or both of the field missions in the movie. (Honestly, she probably would have been more help in Italy than Harry--no offense, Harry, but you almost killed Eggsy twice and Whiskey three times.) 

Elton John was fucking stellar in this movie. Totally divine. I love him. I ship him with Harry now.

I’m literally going to cry for the rest of my life about the fact that Harry wanted to be a butterfly scientist. Regressed amnesiac Harry was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Scratch that, it’s the second cutest thing--the cutest thing was Harry in the flashback in the plaid Kingsman trainee jumpsuit that they’ve apparently been using since time immemorial. 

I was unclear on this, but surely if Harry remembered everything else about being 20-something, he would remember his own name. “We didn’t know who he was so we didn’t know what to do with him” Bullshit. Do a fuckin google search for “Harry Hart,” which is both his legal name and the name he introduces himself by to literally everyone despite the fact that he has a code name. 

I love Tilde. I really love Tilde. I promise I love Tilde so much--I think she is cool and funny and down-to-earth and smart and kind. But. Why did she and Eggsy get fucking married. Really? Someone who is royalty dates a foreign commoner for like a year and they decide that’s enough time to know whether or not they wanted to get married? Plus, at the music festival, Eggsy literally sounded zero percent into the idea. I’m so mad. 

Speaking of the music festival...Why? Why? I get that Kingsman logic is the logic of the absurd, but that was way too much Plot Gymnastics just to get in a pseudo sex scene. Fuck off with that bullshit. “Mucous membrane.” Just stick your finger up her nose and run away!

There were not one but two puppies in this movie. I am pleased. It almost makes up for the fact that I am meant to believe that JB is dead. Which he isn’t. Because reasons. (I have always been and always will be a “IF WE DIDN’T SEE THE BODY THEY AREN’T DEAD” kind of fan.)

Harry is gay. Harry is literally gay. Literally everything about him suggests that he is gay and I really wish someone would just mention that he likes men. He’s gay. In both movies, he got into a bar fight because someone who just met him called him gay in an insulting way. I know straight men are like really into that brand of insult, but that’s just excessive, especially the bar fight in this movie--someone approached him to call him homophobic slurs just because the sheer force of Harry’s gay aura offended him. I believe this counts as deliberate queerbaiting but because I don’t have any self-respect I’m totally falling for it because I need positive gay male role models. (Harry counts as a positive role model, doesn’t he? ...Doesn’t he?)

Ginger Ale is a lesbian. Roxy is (PRESENT TENSE BECAUSE SHE’S STILL ALIVE) a lesbian. Everyone in these movies is gay or bi. It is law.

I wasn’t expecting the president to be so Trumplike. I appreciate that he was impeached. I’m a little troubled because this movie is supposed to take place in 2015 and so the president would still be Obama like it was in the last movie. I thought for a moment that maybe Kingsman!Obama accepted Valentine’s invitation and was killed during the head explosion part, but Kingsman!Obama is likely a Democrat just like the real Obama, and the president in this movie was C L E A R L Y a Republican, when in real life it would be Obama’s vice president, who would also be a Democrat. So just a plot hole I guess. 

Weird that just like last movie, the villain was a person with a reasonable goal (stop climate change, legalize drugs) going about it in an incredibly unreasonable and genocidal way. I think both movies are going for positive social messages, but it...it’s just weird. IDK.

Boy, Kingsman sure is getting a lot of mileage out of those mountain-camouflage white snow suits. Where’s the next movie going to take place, Siberia?

Charlie better stay dead this time. I hate that bastard. 

Did I mention Elton John was great in this movie?

Ginger looked so good at the wedding. I love her. 

I did like that this movie showed that most people who do drugs are just normal people. 

I liked that Statesman was more diverse than Kingsman but I straight up saw like one Asian woman and one black man (and Whiskey) and then a ton of white guys. Call me back when Statesman is half women with just...considerably more people of color. Considerably more. It’s cool that Ginger is an agent now but keep working.

Are code names linked to your position in Statesman like in Kingsman? Is Ginger now Agent Whiskey, or still Agent Ginger Ale? (I didn’t like that the only woman was the only non-alcoholic beverage, by the way. I get that it miiiight be tied to her being the only non-field-agent but I still hate it.) Also, how do they not run out of beverage names? Can people be named after their favorite mixed drink? Agent Cosmopolitan? Agent Screwdriver?

Oh my god here are some agent names that totally exist within Statesman: Agent Beer. Agent Wine. Agent Scotch. Agent Brandy. Agent Gin (hard to say). I love this stupid organization. I hope Agent Beer is from Wisconsin. 

Eggsy jumping through Whiskey’s lasso was so fucking sick. I saw the movie with three other people and we all SCREAMED. 

Colin Firth in a wet white shirt can only ever make me think of Pride and Prejudice. Thanks for that, Kingsman. 

I knew I was forgetting something I really wanted to talk about: GOD SHITTING FUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE EGGSY AND TILDE MOVED INTO HARRY’S OLD HOUSE. I GET THAT IT MIGHT BE TIED TO THE GALAHAD POSITION BUT GOD FUCKING DAMN. It’s been a year and they haven’t redecorated? Possibly at all? That one bathroom is still full of butterflies and Mr Pickle is still mounted on the wall? 

Eggsy’s voice breaking and his lip quivering when he and Tilde talk about Harry. Kill me.

THE BREAKFAST SCENE MADE IT INTO A MOVIE PLEASE KILL ME

Harry and Eggsy are in love? They’re in love

I love Roxy so much. Did I mention she’s still alive? 

Agent Tequila’s thighs when they take him out of deep freeze. God damn. 

Just remembered that Eggsy was like “this dinner is really important to me” and everyone assumes that it’s the dinner with Tilde’s parents from the trailer but it’s his friend Brandon’s birthday party. ;___________;

I think that’s all I got. 

[filmpenance]

Day 28 - Sullivan’s Travels

Sullivan’s Travels – 1941 – Preston Sturges  

(Saturday Special)

“You know, the nice thing about buying food for a man is that you don’t have to listen to his jokes.” – The Girl

Sully is an ace movie director big-shot in Hollywood. He’s made comedy after comedy, and each has been raking in big dough for the studio. But Sully doesn’t want to make comedies anymore.

Sully (played so well by Joel McCrea) wants to be taken seriously as a film maker. Plus, he’s got somethin’ to say! Social commentary on the suffering of the human condition and all that.

The studio heads think he’s nuts. Why does he want to make the depressing book O, Brother Where Art Thou[i] into a film, when he’s such a success at making people laugh?

Plus what the heck would Sully know about suffering? He’s a wealthy Hollywood type who went to college.

Sully gets an idea! Those studio heads are right! What would he know about suffering? Nothing! That’s what! So, he’s going to take himself out there on the road, to suffer alongside the common man.

He marches on down to wardrobe, gets himself a hobo costume and goes out into the world with no money except for a dime to get some authentic suffering under his belt.[ii]

And thus begins Sullivan’s Travels, honestly one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. The dialogue during the first 15 minutes of the film is so rapid fire and so witty it was hard to keep up (in a good way).[iii]

Then the film adds physical comedy to the mix and really gets going.

The studio bosses are nervous about Sully being out there alone, plus they see it as a great opportunity to generate PR. So they send a tour bus of people to follow Sully as he gets underway – negating the authenticity he so desires. He manages to shake them off by getting them to agree to meet him in Las Vegas in a few days.

First Sully finds a place to sleep in exchange for manual labour at the home of two old women, Zeffie and Ursula. Well, Zeffie is the Blanche Devereaux of the two, and one night after the ladies treat Sully to the movies, she puts the moves on Sully. His escape from her clutches is hilarious.

He ends up hitching a ride, falls asleep in the truck, and wakes up back in Hollywood. He can’t get away from his luxury!

Sully goes to a coffee shop in his hobo getup where The Girl – a beautiful young aspiring actress played by Veronica Lake – takes pity on him and insists on buying him a meal. 

He tells her he used to be a Hollywood big-shot, but no more. He still has connections though, and offers to drive her out of town in a friend’s borrowed car.

It’s his car, of course. But Sully’s butlers don’t know he’s taken it and report it stolen – thus landing Sully and The Girl in jail.

The butlers come and make bail for them both, The Girl learns that Sully is currently a Hollywood big-shot, and they decide to set off on the road together to fulfill Sully’s desires for the common man experience. She’ll be his frail or beezle[iv].

Together they ride the rails, eat in soup kitchens and go to revival meetings just to get a scrap to eat and a place to sleep. 

They get their authentic experience all right and they’re grateful when it’s all over!

They get back to Sully’s mansion he decides as a gesture of his thankfulness (and a good story for the papers) to go out in his hobo outfit handing out $5 bills to the downtrodden.

And then the story takes a turn that’s still funny but would spoil the last 30 minutes – and I’m not going to go that because this movie is amaze balls. The film itself is a defense of comedy.

This movie is sharp, funny, insightful, sly and sexy 76 years after it was released!

I’ll definitely insist my friends watch it on our next movie night and it’s inspired me to see other films by Preston Sturges along with movies starring Joel McCrae or Veronica Lake.

Do yourself a favour. If you are a comedy fan of any kind, watch Sullivan’s Travels.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

Trailer: https://youtu.be/ULyso4j6c_g

Review:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2000/09/22/sullivans_travels_review.shtml

NOTES:

[i] Yes, this is where the Coen Brothers got the title of their film O Brother, Where Art Thou.

[ii] Oh god! Sully’s butlers in the movie are masterfully funny!

[iii] My sister walked into the room about 10 minutes after I started watching this movie to say goodnight as she had an early morning. She was so drawn in by this film, she ended up sitting down with me and watching the whole thing!

[iv] Lady companion you’re not married too.