#thank god for my friends and my grandmother if it wasn't for them i would be gone gone and away

[oddt]

I am exhausted

I deserve calm, security, appreciation and love at least for a year

No more radical happenings please, I haven't had one calm year in my life since I was a teen. It isn't funny anymore, isn't exciting...

2016 the last good year (although I've already been dealing with systematic anxiety for 3 years, denied by everyone to whom I spoke about it)

2017 ed plus depression - went on until 2021

When I finally got my head together and went to therapy, moved out, I had peace for 4 months then my 15yo dog died and I was in a really toxic friend geoup which caused a lot of damage, 2022 finally overcame my anxiety and found healthy ways to cope with depression and immediately went into a 7month toxic relationship with somebody who I am convinced is an untreated bipolar psychopath to this day..

2023 got out of that, finally got a decent wonderful beautiful job with absolutely wonderful community and now this fucking stable thing that's existed for decades is on the verge of bankruptcy.... Because of poor leadership.

I can't anymore?

Where is peace at? Lost, does such thing actually exist or were we lied to the same way we are about love? No peace and no love in this world. Living hell. That's what it is. Full of deluded psychopaths and wicked paths of trouble ....

[jovialmoonprincess]

AU: Journey to Redemption (Part 2)

First Part. / The Winter Ball

Coriolanus Snow x Fem!reader 

Summary: Y/N, a young idealist in Panem, dreams of making a difference in a post-war society. As the winner of the prestigious Plinth Prize is about to be announced, a mysterious woman unveils a grim fate for Coriolanus Snow, Y/N's nemesis. Offered a chance to alter destiny, Y/N must navigate her conflicting emotions and intervene in pivotal moments to prevent Snow's descent into darkness. The story unfolds against the backdrop of complex relationships, past connections, and the challenges of a changing world, as Y/N grapples with the responsibility of shaping an unexpected destiny and challenging the very fabric of fate.

Word Count: 2k.

Warning(s): None, 15 yo Corio!! FLUFF FLUFF THE KIISS READ IT FOR THE KISS

A/N: First Fic EVER, dont be mean pls. Also Im not a english native speaker, sorry for any spelling errors. Just saw Songbirds and Snakes and Tom Blyth as President Snow is living rent free in my head! Feedback is appreciated! Comment to be tag in the next part" And REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

Y/N was nervous. Attending parties wasn't something she was used to, especially in the Capitol. Her father always reminded her not to trust anyone, and distrust had become second nature to her. Tigris, her friend, had borrowed her a dress, even though her father could now afford to buy as many as she wanted. Tigris insisted she needed something special, something she had that would be perfect. When Y/N asked if Tigris was going to wear it, the answer was no; the dress wasn't hers and wouldn't fit, but it would look gorgeous on Y/N. Tigris, with her generous heart, always tried to cheer up Y/N when she cried out of fear and missed her friends from the districts. And surprisingly, Tigris never judged her, perhaps because she shared her own fears and people to care about.

Tigris understood when Y/N called suggesting a girls' night. It was a code for "my father is unbearable, only talks about war, and I want to stay away from him at least tonight." Tigris simply made a list of activities for them, from plucking eyebrows to watching romance movies on TV.

Y/N's dress was stunning, in a bright navy blue shade. And it was the first time she wore heels. Tigris also borrowed her the jewelry. Y/N walked with cautious steps, afraid that someone would look at her and discover she was an imposter. Even though she was part of the Capitol now, she didn't know how people would react.

After almost an hour of pretending to be invisible and enjoying the chocolate dessert on the table, people started leaving the dance floor. They got tired of dancing and were heading for the food, the only activity they seemed to practice. Y/N left the table to get some air; so many people were starting to tire her, even without talking to them yet. Outside, the scenery was beautiful, with a flower-filled garden, water mirrors, and something like an illuminated gazebo. She walked there; it was already night, and she wanted some fresh air. Looking at the night sky was comforting, something shared by everyone, regardless of their districts.

"Hey, this dress looks beautiful on you." She almost had a heart attack; it wasn't for anyone to notice her. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." It was Corio, Tigris's cousin, always kind when he saw her.

"Thank you, it was Tigris…" She couldn't finish the sentence.

"It was my mother's; my grandmother gave it to Tigris, but it suits you much better. Tigris likes things less… simple." A compliment, perhaps?

"Thank you, it's a really beautiful dress." She replied with a smile. Almost too beautiful that it doesn't suit me. She felt guilty for undoing the memory of the boy's mother.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Y/N couldn't stop looking into his blue eyes; how could someone be so beautiful? It was almost painful.

"I came out to get some air; it was too hot inside." She replied.

"Just when I was about to invite you to dance?" He smiled; my God, he looked even more beautiful smiling. Y/N! What's happening to you?? He's from the Capitol. You shouldn't be getting involved with these people, at least not sincerely.

"Oh, I don't know how to dance." She lied; what if he leaves and forgets that she's wearing his mother's dress. Maybe that's why he's here; he must have confused his feelings. After all, why else would he approach her? Oh, maybe he just wants to be friends with his cousin's friend. Could be, right?

"I can teach you." He was already so close to her; she could feel her heart beating in her throat. "If you want…" He extended his hand to her, and Y/N took it. What harm could it do, after all?

The touch of their skins was electrifying. He placed a hand on her waist, and she breathed; it was as if there wasn't enough air between them. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath. The music could be heard clearly from there, as well as the sound of their feet on the wooden floor.

"Tigris talks a lot about you. I think you're the only friend she really likes. She feels at home with you." There was sincerity in his words.

"We have very similar stories; I also went hungry during the first rebellion." Corio was an intriguing character; Y/N didn't know what his real intentions were. He seemed like a good guy, even if he was closed off.

"I heard your father is sick, is it true?" He seemed slightly concerned. Y/N met Trigis first, because of their parents. They became good friends despite the age difference.

"Oh, yes, it seems that sometimes winning a battle doesn't mean winning the war. The battle ends, but life goes on, and problems still arise." She spoke with a sad and thoughtful voice.

"It's kind of unfair, isn't it?" He asked as they continued to dance slowly.

"What?"

"Having to worry about hunger while there are people inside who claim to be hungry all the time, even without knowing the real meaning." She didn't expect to hear that, at least not from him. Corio seemed quite comfortable among his friends.

"Yes, it's unfair." She replied seriously. "I wish I could change all of this."

"You know, people like you, me, and Tigris. We deserve more; we have to strive to reach the top." Corio was ambitious; anyone could see that.

"I think we're already at the top." Whether she liked it or not, feeling hungry in the Capitol was different from living in the outer districts. At least here, they had a chance to be heard if they spoke at the right time.

"This isn't the top, Y/N." She didn't know how much she needed to hear him say her name until he said it for the first time. "We're in the Capitol, but we're still not at the top."

"What would be the top for you, Corio?"

"Being president. It's the highest position; I'm sure that when I get there, I can really do something." The way he spoke was as if he wanted to improve the country's situation. To be a fair and democratic leader.

"Sorry about the dress; I didn't know it was your mother's." Y/N didn't want to ruin the moment by talking about politics. They would have better opportunities for that.

Tigris probably said something about Corio's mother, but Y/N's memory was terrible.

"It's been a while since she died, in my sister's birth." She could see a glimpse of pain in his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"The dress looks beautiful on you; I'm glad my grandmother kept it." Y/N's heart skipped a beat.

"Thank you."

All was silent. All was still. But as they looked at each other's eyes, they heard the unmistakable clamor of their own hearts. Corio was getting closer to her, his lips so close to hers. It was like one of the movies she watched with Tigris.

When their lips touched, something ignited inside Y/N; it was as if nothing else existed. It was a feeling that, if cultivated, promised to become addictive, a sweet dependence that she wouldn't be in a hurry to overcome. His lips were soft, an irresistible invitation, and his touch was like a gentle caress, unhurried, as if he wanted to savor every moment of that unique moment. One of Corio's hands held Y/N's waist with care, while the other stroked her face gently and firmly, as if sealing a silent pact between them. The kiss was like a hot summer day in the middle of winter, a comforting surprise that transported her to a place where there was only the softness of Corio's lips and the delicate and firm touch of his hands.

It was a kiss that transcended time and space, a promise of something deeper and more intense that awaited on the horizon. Breaking the kiss, the gaze they exchanged contained the promise of a future that, at that moment, seemed full of exciting possibilities. The world around them may have continued in silence, but within them, the melody of that kiss would echo for a long time.

The first kiss was a revelation, a sublime experience that transcended circumstances. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to attribute part of this enchantment to the beauty of the setting, but above all to the even more dazzling figure of Coriolanus. At that moment, for the first time, Y/N felt truly beautiful, removed from the ruthless clutches of war. It was as if, for a brief moment, she found the calm before the storm.

Although she wanted to prolong the kiss, Y/N interrupted it, yielding to the inevitable need for a pause. Their gazes intertwined in silence, a communication deeper than any words could express. Coriolanus's eyes, an ocean of blue fascination, were irresistible, and Y/N felt submerged in the intensity of that gaze. Withdrawing gently, she sought refuge on a nearby bench, and Corio, in silence, took a seat beside her. Hesitation hung between them, neither daring to initiate the next exchange of words.

"Did you enjoy the chocolate dessert, didn't you?" Corio's soft voice broke the silence, eliciting a sincere laugh from Y/N. Had he noticed the taste of chocolate on her lips, or had he just watched her during the dance in the hall? The question lingered in the air, hovering between them, lacking the courage to be asked.

"I loved it," confessed Y/N, although she couldn't determine if she was talking about the dance, the dessert, or the kiss. Perhaps all the options were correct.

"You lied to me," accused the young Snow.

"What?" Y/N laughed again.

"You said you didn't know how to dance." The accusation came with a smile from Corio.

"Maybe," she replied, smiling.

Hours unfolded in deep conversations, a natural harmony between Y/N and Corio. Words flowed, laughter echoed, and the kiss, a magical moment that both chose to ignore, was never mentioned again. Corio, a dreamer aligned with Y/N's aspirations, revealed remarkable ambition and unwavering confidence. Meanwhile, Y/N still struggled with uncertainties about her destiny, eager to capture some of the determination radiating from Corio.

It was the ultimate moment when Y/N felt truly connected to Corio. At that moment, she sincerely believed that he was destined for an extraordinary future as a student in the Capitol. With the passage of time, that memory became nostalgic, a pearl of an irrecoverable past.

In present times, in the Capitol (4 years later)

Y/N, immersed in reverie, contemplated a photo taken with Tigris during the ball. After this glimpse of the past, resentment towards Corio increased. How could he get so close so quickly and distance himself just as fast? They could have continued. However, after that winter break that year, Snow didn't spend more than 5 seconds near her. Their interactions were limited to fights, but even so, Y/N couldn't ignore the boy's beauty.

A last dance preceded the Plinth Prize weekend. It would be an opportunity to meet Corio again, four years after that memorable kiss, in drastically altered circumstances. Y/N awaited eagerly, sometimes questioning her sanity, pondering if everything that woman had said would come true. Corio would graduate, go to university, meet someone, and find happiness. He wouldn't become a murderer, let alone a dictator.

Y/N couldn't help but notice that something had changed in Corio since that first kiss. The boy who was once dreamy and affable now exhibited a more closed-off side, as if a shadow had settled in his soul. Every word was measured, and his smiles were scarce, replaced by a serious and concerned expression.

Corio had become more abrupt, and the lightness that characterized his personality seemed to have been replaced by intense seriousness. Y/N noticed that he closed himself off, keeping a distance that didn't exist before. That touch of softness and charm, present in the boy who taught her to dance and gave her an unforgettable kiss, had turned into an aura of tension.

Y/N remembered one of their first fights.

In a classroom full of tension and academic expectations, the teacher announced with a firm voice, "For the next assignment, we'll have randomly assigned pairs." The students' gazes met, a mixture of anxiety and curiosity. Among them were Y/N and Corio, both already known for their rivalries and fierce competitions.

The draw took place, and fate decided that Y/N and Corio would be partners in the next academic endeavor. A wave of murmurs ran through the room, accompanied by intrigued looks directed at the two protagonists.

On a cold study afternoon in the library, Y/N was immersed in her books, tracing meticulous notes and underlining important passages. Corio, on the other hand, flipped through pages with a serious expression, focused on absorbing all available knowledge.

As the hours passed, tension grew. Each had their own approach to the task, and soon the differences became apparent. Y/N preferred to explore ideas and theories more broadly, while Corio delved into specific details, prioritizing accuracy.

"You need to focus, Y/N. These assignments will shape our academic future," said Corio, his tone a mixture of concern and impatience.

Y/N lifted her eyes from the books, facing Corio with a resistant expression. "I'm not disregarding the importance, Corio. I just believe that there are more ways to learn than simply burying yourself in books all the time."

Y/N's words hit Corio like a challenge, and his response came with an unexpected intensity. "Do you think you can afford not to dedicate yourself entirely to studies? The competition here is fierce, Y/N, and only the best succeed." The discussion unfolded, and sharp words flew between them like arrows. Y/N advocated the idea that university life should be more than just grades and rankings, while Corio insisted that the path to success was paved with tireless effort and dedication.

The tension reached its peak when Y/N, driven by frustration, accused Corio of having lost the ability to dream and live beyond academic expectations. Corio, in turn, responded with the accusation that Y/N was being naive and reckless about her future.

The argument, fueled by intense emotions and fundamental differences, echoed through the silent library, drawing curious glances from other students trying to focus on their own studies. As the inflamed words dissipated, Y/N and Corio stared at each other, aware that they had crossed a line separating their views, revealing the depth of the differences that now threatened the stability of their relationship. The ensuing silence was laden with resentment and the bitter feeling that something significant, beyond grades and books, was shattering between them.

----------

Just wanted to drop a quick note to say a massive thank you for all the love, likes, comments, and follows on my story. <3

Big virtual hugs and high-fives to each and every one of you. See you on Part III.

Taglist: @shari-berri @h-l-vlovesvintage @tea-bobba @daenerysqueenofhearts

Again: REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!!

[wizardfrog69]

Helllooo! Could you write Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, and Dazai (separately) meeting S/O’s family please? The classic family, overprotective dad and overprotective big brother, welcoming mother, the playful little kid siblings? How would the boys react to the family?

So idk what the "classic" family is so sorry if it looks like I have no idea what I'm doing, it's because I don't, but I'll try my best! :)

So I'm gonna add a grandmother cuz it's funny, she's gonna be the type who makes a shit ton of food and expects you to eat everything and constantly asks if you need more, you know the one. If you do not, I sincerely apologise.

Thank you for your request!

'•.¸♡meeting your family♡¸.•'

Gn!reader

Fluff

Masterlist

Enjoy!

Feat. Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, Dazai.

Ranpo Edogawa

Meeting your family with Ranpo was a disaster, mainly because of Ranpo. He would constantly boast about himself being the greatest detective (and boyfriend) he didn't do it too often but he still mentioned it once or twice.

If your mother made something sweet he would be all in and love her and in turn she'll love him and fucking spoil him.

Your father and older brother weren't as pleased with him as your mother, Ranpo wasn't the most possessive type but when people acted like they owned you that is when he got pissed.

He would never dream of acting inappropriately round your parents but whenever his eyes met your fathers or older brothers he would snake his hand round your arm.

He didn't care all that much for your younger sibling(s), he probably got them something because you forced him to

He fucking loves your grandma. I mean how could he not when she constantly makes sooo much cake and amazing food!! She is his favourite relative of yours.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Fuck everyone is low key intimated by his presence. You probably told them there is nothing to be scared of before you introduced him to them. Fyodor is not trying to be intimating tho! He just .... has a vibe yk.

He brought some nice wine and flowers for your mother and whatever your father likes for him, maybe like some whisky or something probably.

He talks politics and other respectful topics your family chooses to talk about. Idk what people choose to talk about but usually we talk about history and politics, I think Fyodor will gladly talk about those topics.

It doesn't matter if your older brother is older, younger or your fucking twin, Fyodor will always seem older and more mature.

If your younger sibling is like 1 it will absolutely shit itself when they see him, they are fucking terrified.

He will compliment the cooking 100% I mean who wouldn't tbh but he definitely will.

I know I'm saying that everyone loves the grandmother but like why wouldn't he?!??!?! He would love raising a child who has a grandmother who freezes a shit ton of cake and makes the best god damn cooking you have ever taste.

Also, he wouldn't call your mother 'mom' but rather 'mother' or 'мать' (mat') which means mother in Russian if I'm not mistaken

Chuuya Nakahara

He wants to make the best first impression he can.

He'll dress up all nicely and everything! He brings some nice (and expensive) wine as an offering to your family.

He gets along with your brother the best, they are besties now! He also tries to get along with your younger siblings as much as he can but it's hard to be friends with a child when you aren't one yk.

If he was asked for his occupation he obviously won't say the fucking mafia, he made something up on the spot but the only thing he could come up with was bartender for some reason.

Your mother wasn't too fond of him but quickly grew to like him since you loved him so much.

Your father and Chuuya started talking about some team they both watch and that is mostly how they bonded.

Osamu Dazai

You had to force him to bring something nice for your parents as well.

He kept on complaining and whining about meeting them but once you got there it was as if he was a completely different person, he was nice and didn't ask anyone to commit double suicide?!?!?! Like who is this man!

He wooed your mother to like him which was pretty easy the more difficult task was getting the rest of your family to like him.

Honestly he probably just had to tell your younger siblings he was a detective and they are interested to listen to all the cool stories he has.

If your mother tells him to call her mom he will definitely call her mom like 24/7 not because it's rude to call her by her name but because he gets to have a mother to call 'mom'.

Also he wants to call your father 'daddy' just for the laughs but he won't, he calls him 'dad'.

He doesn't call your brother 'brother', 'bro' maybe but not brother.

After meeting your whole family and coming back for dinner or something he would come into the kitchen shout 'grandma' with open arms ready to give her a hug. He's lucky she wasn't cooking at the moment.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Sorry I haven't posted anything, life's keeping me busy °^°

Have a wonderful day/night!

-Love, Az

[ao3-oner]

Hiiii I'm here just to ask if u have some canmaker/showmaker/canyon hcs and if u can share some w us? (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) I really love how u characterized them it just feels real and like v human god (I wish to write like that one day) and yeah, also happy late saturday showdown !

Hi, and thanks for the ask!

I am always happy to share hcs, especially for CanMaker - I greatly appreciate the compliment of my characterizations (I try very hard!), and happy late Saturday Showdown to you as well!

Here are a few new headcanons for Heo Su, Kim Geonbu, and the two of them together:

Su loves to sing, but is atrociously bad at it. He adored music class in grade school and despite being very shy in normal circumstances he would always belt out off-key notes at top volume whenever the class sang in a group, much to the dismay of everyone around him. The only one who has ever agreed to go to karaoke with him more than once is Geonbu (and Geonbu enjoys it, too, because his ears can withstand the noise and seeing Su happy is so, so worth it).

Geonbu was actually pretty popular during his few years of secondary school and still keeps in touch with a few of his old friends. I mentioned in a previous fic my hc that he had a girlfriend for a while - that poor girl had a crush on Geonbu for years without him noticing until a mutual friend told him about it and he decided to ask her out, just to try it. They got along fairly well and stayed together up until Geonbu decided that he was going to drop out to pursue a career as a pro-gamer, at which point he politely broke up with her only because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to dedicate enough time to her and thought she'd deserve better. She was very understanding and supportive of that decision and they're still on good terms to date.

Heo Su's biggest secret, one that he's never told anyone, is from when he was still fighting with his parents about wanting to become a pro-gamer: one time, in retaliation for his mom stealing his mouse, he snuck into her room and stole an antique pearl necklace that belonged to his great-grandmother. He hid it in his room and planned to return it once his mouse was back, but then he completely forgot about it until a few months later when his mom noticed it was missing. Naturally, she FREAKED OUT - the police were called and everything - and Su certainly wasn't going to let her know that he was the one who took it now, so he just... didn't say anything and kept it hidden. He took it with him to the Damwon dorms in a well-wrapped bundle, and keeps it in the pocket of his suitcase where he can forget about it 99% of the time. Now that years have passed, he's considered returning it, but he thinks he might just wait for his mom to die and then put the necklace on her in her casket.

Meanwhile, the most trouble Geonbu ever got in as a child was the one time he got yelled at for feeding noodles to the family cat.

When it comes to love languages, Su both gives and receives words of affirmation but also really enjoys physical touch. Geonbu likes receiving words of affirmation and naturally gives acts of service. In short, how their relationship dynamic ends up working is Su insisting that Geonbu cuddle with him, which he is more than happy to do, then Su praises and teases him for it and Geonbu says "I love you too" and they're just... yeah.

Clearly quality time comes (came?) naturally to them to after living and working together for so long - I've talked about movies and karaoke but to be honest their best dates have always been when it's just the two of them together in the dorms - like Su sneaking into Geonbu's room at 2 am with a handheld video game console and a bag of chips and ordering Geonbu to feed him while he beats this boss. Then they both climb under the covers together so it's all dark except for the light of the screen and Su gets so locked into the battle and Geonbu is happy to just be there with him, watching his little expressions and giving him nutritional support. When Su finally defeats the boss he shouts because he's so happy, and Geonbu has to shush him because the others are sleeping, but Su is just too excited and snuggles up next to Geonbu to make it clear that he's spending the night there. A minute later, Su complains about their being chip crumbs on the mattress and Geonbu's just like "Really. I wonder who's responsible for that."

Hope you enjoyed these! These two are just so sweet ugh, thank you for the prompt and don't hesitate to reach out again if you want more!

Have a great day!!

[ivarlover]

UNPREDICTABLE

Part 3 (sequel #4 to UNLEASHED, UNDENIABLE, and UNEXPECTED)

Alex + Modern Ivar

Mentions of Female Reader + Hvitserk

NSFW 18+ ONLY

If you're new here and want to catch up, just go to my pinned master list.

This was supposed to be just a one-shot, but here we are. I have no idea how many chapters this will end up consiating of, but I hope you like it!

Summary: During a hot weekend with your classmate, Alex, and his best friend, Ivar, the two of them had their own fun together. And now, it had turned into an entire relationship between the two of them that neither of them had seen coming. Now, that reality has set in, they navigate the relationship and all that comes along with it, the good, the bad, and the unpredictable. Now that they were just getting into the swing of things and finding their groove, Ivar's ex fiance comes back into the picture, with his child he didn't know existed, and it seems she is sure to shake things up.

Warnings, The sequel in general: Totally NSFW, Unprotected anal sex (male receiving), oral, male to male contact and more, a bad case of the feels, language, smut, with me, there is ALWAYS smut. 🤣 Each chapter will have its own warnings.

Warnings, this chapter: Language, smut-major smut and bondage, oral, major case of the feels, *inaccurate medical descriptions, diagnosis, and practices,* a disgusting pervert who gets dealt with, Ivar being Ivar

*There will be an additional warning before the bondage part for any who wish to skip it* (but for me, that's the best part 🙈)

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Words: I don't know; too MANY to count

*Let me know if you want on or off the tag list!*

AND a special thanks to @vero-maris-zamo for a little "dirty minded" inspiration! 😍 Great minds think alike!

Note from me: My apologies for how long this has taken, but hopefully, the length of this chapter will make up for it.

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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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For only the second time since Ivar and Alex had been together, Ivar woke up before Alex. He knew how Alex was going to feel when he woke up, so he went downstairs and returned with a cup of black coffee, a bottle of water, and a bottle of Tylenol.

When Ivar opened the door, he found Alex awake, and he instantly covered his face with the pillow. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" Alex mumbled into the pillow. "I hope I wasn't too big of an ass."

Ivar brought everything to the bedside table and sat it down as he sat on the edge of the bed. "No, of course not," Ivar grinned. "But I bet your head sure does hurt right about now," he laughed, handing him the Tylenol and water.

Embarrassed, Alex took it from him, "Thank you. You're too good to me." He looked up to Ivar as he drank the water, and Ivar handed him the coffee. It was then that he noticed the concerned look on Ivar's face. "What? Umm, what did I do?" Alex panicked. He knew there was no telling what he may have said, and now he was worried.

"Nothing. I, well, I was just wondering what made you get that drunk. The last time I saw you that gone was after your grandmother passed."

Alex's heart sank. He'd wished it was a dream, well, more like a nightmare. He didn't want to tell Ivar about his mom's conversation with Katia. He knew it would hurt him. "Well, I'm not sure. I was just drinking and having a good time, with Sigurd, of all people, and I guess I had too much before I realized it."

"Not just Sigurd," Ivar glared.

"Wh-what?"

"Not just Sigurd. You were drinking and having a good time with Paul, too."

Alex's mind was racing. What had he done? Then, suddenly, it hit him. Paul was the one giving him the drinks. "Umm, my memory is a bit hazy, but I remember feeling uncomfortable, for some reason, and moving away from Paul, only to find him right up under me again. Please tell me he didn't like kiss me or something. I might puke."

"Well, I know that's not the only reason you decided to drink so much, but no, Paul didn't kiss you. I think I would have broken his fucking back." Alex gulped. "I believe he was attempting to do much worse," Ivar growled as a snarl grew across his face.

Alex gasped, "What the hell?" He sat up in the bed, immediately, holding his pounding head. "What do you mean?" Visions from the night before flashed before Alex's eyes. He vaguely remembered an argument between Paul and Ivar and, "Oh my God!" He covered his face. "You threw me over your shoulder and carried me upstairs! What the hell happened?"

Ivar smiled at Alex's embarrassment. He grabbed Alex's hands and removed them from his face and held them in Alex's lap. He then proceeded to recount the evening's events of Paul and how he was trying to take advantage of Alex. Ivar felt the same anger surge through his body as the night before as he explained everything to Alex. He grinded his teeth, flexing his jaw, as he continued telling Alex what had happened. "He's lucky I was too concerned with making sure you were ok. Otherwise, he'd be in the damn hospital today. I am, however, sure that Sigurd enjoyed showing him the error of his ways," he smiled.

Alex's face turned pale. "I, umm," his stomach flipped at the thought of everything he'd just heard, "I think I-I'm gonna be sick!" He covered his mouth with his hands and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Trying to close the door behind him and failing, he fell to his knees in front of the toilet where he spilled the contents of his stomach.

Ivar came in behind him with the bottle of water and grabbed two washcloths and quickly wet them in the sink, ignoring Alex's protests for him not to enter or look. He sat down beside Alex in the floor and held his hair back for him while he continued vomiting. When Alex finally sat up, he wiped Alex's face for him with one washcloth, and he handed him the bottle of water to clean his mouth out. He then placed the other washcloth around the back of Alex's neck as Alex sat back down in the floor.

Alex looked to Ivar, with watery eyes, "I'm so fucking sorry I did that to you, and here you are, still taking care of me like this. I just, I can't believe that I did that."

Ivar placed his arm around Alex's shoulders and pulled him to his chest. Placing his other hand to the back of Alex's head, holding him tightly in his arms, he told him, "Alex, you didn't do anything. Don't you see? You're the victim here. I don't know what Paul would have done to you if Sigurd hadn't been there. It's not your fault. I knew he wanted to be with you, but even I didn't know he was that kind of spineless pig! And I promise you, he better never show his face around me again. Ever. He's not safe anywhere I am."

Alex knew Ivar meant it. As Ivar held him, he thought of everything from the night before with Katia and Aslaug and now, all this with Paul on top of it. It was too much for him, and before he knew it, he was crying into Ivar's chest.

When Ivar felt his chest getting wet, he pulled Alex away from him a bit to look him in the face. "Love, what is it?" Alex only looked at him with saddened eyes. "Out with it. What are you not telling me?"

Swallowing thickly and struggling not to come completely unglued, Alex finally told him everything he'd overheard Katia telling Aslaug. He told him that maybe it was a one-sided conversation that Aslaug wasn't sure how to answer, but he honestly didn't know for sure. All he knew was how he felt when he heard it.

Ivar pulled Alex in for another hug and told him, "Damn, Alex. It all makes sense, now. I'm so sorry." He rolled everything around in his head that Alex told him.

He was even more pissed, now, and he didn't know who he was more pissed at, Katia or his mom. He couldn't believe that his own mom would have even entertained such bullshit from Katia. He knew, though, that Alex had been through enough in the last day, so he just focused on trying to calm him rather than stating how he wanted to let Y/N rip her to shreds because, as much as he wanted to, he knew he would never lay a hand on her. But oh, if he could! Right now, he just felt bad for Alex and wanted to be sure he was seriously ok.

Rubbing his hands through Alex's hair, Ivar said, "Please don't take anything Katia said to heart, Love. She may think she knows what I want, but I'm the only one who can tell you that. I hope this hasn't given you doubts about my love for you or about us. You know I'm serious when I say I've never loved another more than I love you. I hate that you got so upset."

Alex looked up to him and said, "I'm sorry. I, umm, I just don't know what we're going to do. She was right about one thing. If we want more children, I can never give you that. But she, she can. And umm," he wiped his eyes, "I can step aside and let you have your life with her without any resentment towards you if that's what you want. I don't want you to ever look back and regret anything with me. That's why it bothers me so much. I know you love me, but I just want you to be happy, and I know this is something I can't do for you." Alex dropped his head back to Ivar's shoulder but refused to let the learking tears fall.

Ivar's heart melted, again, at how genuinely honest and unselfish Alex was being. "Love, look at me." Ivar pulled his head up to face him. "You know, there are many other options if we get to a point where we want other children. There's always adoption or a surrogate mother. Right now, though, I think we have our hands full with just Ivy," he laughed. "I'd really like to just enjoy being her dad, just to have one child to call me daddy." His heart was overjoyed with just thinking of Ivy's sweet voice calling him dad.

Alex took a deep breath and then sighed with a bit of relief, "So, this isn't something pressing on your mind right now?" His head was aching even more. He could see, now, that he needed to stop even entertaining Katia's bullshit himself. She'd been playing a game, and he'd been falling right into her trap time and time again.

"Absolutely not, Alex. Maybe in the future, but right now, I'm pretty happy with the way things are. And whenever things change, and we decide we want to make this a bigger family, we have options, just as I've mentioned." He kissed Alex on top of his head. "Just don't worry about it."

"But, umm, well, wh-what about your mom?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll talk to her. She's going to understand that she has to accept you or lose me, and there's no wiggle room." Alex gulped. "I'm telling you, that means she'll accept you, Love."

Alex sat up and told him he thought he should go lay back down. "I'm sorry. I still feel like the room is spinning."

As Ivar helped him back to bed, he told him, "Also, Alex, I'm going to talk to Katia while you get some rest. We'll figure out an alternate living arrangement for her, even if it means I have to hire Sara or one of her colleagues to work around the clock. I meant it when I said she was here on borrowed time. This is my home, hell, OUR home, and she is only a guest. I do believe she's worn out her welcome."

Alex was shocked as he sat up in bed. "No, Ivar. You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to, but I will not tolerate her bullshit any futher, Love. It's just not right, and honestly, I've had my fill."

Alex couldn't believe he was about to say this, but he did. "Ivar, please listen." He grabbed Ivar's hand and guided him to sit down on the edge of the bed beside him. "She's still not completely well, physically. I know she's doing a lot better, but she still has Ivy. If she goes, so does Ivy, and I know if my heart breaks just a little at that thought, and I don't even live here, your heart will crumble. I don't want to ever see you like that again. And who knows what she'd do if she leaves knowing it's because of your love for me?"

His mind was flooded with memories of Ivar's bare existence when Katia left him, of how completely broken and lost he was. Alex knew that was nothing compared to how losing Ivy would be, and although, he knew them moving out didn't mean he'd have to give Ivy up entirely, he also knew how Katia was, and without her there, in Ivar's home, for him to have a close eye on her, she could possibly go back to Russia without even telling him. Who knew what she was capable of?

Ivar thought for a long time and then finally said, "Alex, she needs to get out of here, and then maybe she won't keep getting in the middle of our relationship. We're still a new couple, and we've been through so much already."

Alex reassured him that he was ok with her staying, and he'd be even more careful not to pay her any attention. It felt like Deja Vu, but he knew this was best, at least for now. When she finally moved out, it would need to be on good terms, and he knew that would ensure the chances of her staying around.

"I can't believe after everything she's put you through, you still suggest she stays. If you are 100% sure you're ok with it, I won't make her leave. Yet. But, Love?"

"Yes?"

"Then please don't let her make you doubt me anymore. I love you." Ivar kissed Alex's forehead. "But I'm still going to talk to her. What she did was not ok."

"Umm, ok. And I umm, love you, too."

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When Ivar talked with Katia, she swore that Alex had misunderstood what he thought he overheard and that he must have already been drinking too much by the time he was in the garage with her and Aslaug. Ivar told her, "Katia, I know you're lying. I've given you so many chances, and you know I'm not that nice. For as many problems as you've been trying to cause Alex, you should know that he, and of course Ivy, is the only reason I didn't come downstairs and kick your ass out and then let Y/N do whatever she wants to you. How can you expect anyone to believe you've changed when you are still acting the same way you used to?"

Katia began to cry. She placed her hand on his cheek and said, "But, Ivar, if you'd just give me a chance, you'd see..."

He grabbed her hand, removed it from his face, and interrupted her, "No, Katia. There are no more chances. I'm with Alex. You can either accept that, or you can move out. It's as simple as that. He asked me not to make you leave, so maybe you should find a way to thank him instead of making his life hell." He began to leave the room, "Are we on the same page here, now?"

She dropped her head, "Umm, uh yeah. And Ivar?"

He raised his eyebrows to her.

"I am sorry."

"Well, I guess you'll have your chance to prove it," he reached the door and looked back at her, "Because if you don't, you're out." He walked out and closed the door behind him.

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Over the next few weeks, Katia stayed out of Ivar and Alex's way. She made small talk with them when necessary, but she didn't really bother them that much.

When it came to Ivy, she spent time with her and Ivar together as long as Sara or Alex was with them as well. She didn't trust herself to be alone with Ivar, so she made sure she wasn't. She was doing better with her therapy and wanted to be sure she didn't have to leave Ivar's before she was physically able to. She was definitely working on keeping her mouth shut. But it was hard.

Alex and Ivar spent their extra time working on remodeling Ivar's basement, because, as Ivar had said, he was serious about making a "playroom" for the two of them.

"This is when you know your addicted to sex," Alex told Ivar as he put the lid on the paint.

"What? When?"

Alex motioned around the room as he smiled, "Umm, when you dedicate an entire room to it."

Ivar walked to Alex, put his arms around his waist, and pulled him close. He placed his hand on Alex's cheek, and as Alex melted into it, he said, "As if you won't enjoy it in here, too." He then kissed Alex on the top of the head and hugged him tightly. Looking around the room, he said, "Looks like we're pretty much finished here."

"We already have the table, refrigerator, and bed, and of course, no room is complete without a bookshelf," he pointed to the one they'd just put against the wall, "But as far as toys go, anything you might even remotely want to try?" Ivar felt his cheeks burn red, but he continued, "Whips, chains, rope? Hell, ducktape?" He winkwd at Alex. "I don't care how kinky or how simple. I just want this to be a special place just for us," he grinned.

"You remember how I told you most of this basement is soundproof, because my dad used it for his work back when he and mom used to live here?" Alex nodded. "Well, I think that will be perfect. We don't have to worry about how loud we get. I can, umm, make you scream as loud as you can." Ivar blushed as his shit eating grin, that Alex had grown to love, stretched across his devious face.

"Damn, you've put a lot of thought into this, humm?"

"Yes, I actually have. All we really need to do is change the lock," he smirked. "And then just buy whatever we want to put in here. We could also use it as a place to just get away, and have some peace and quiet whenever we need it. I'd like it to be nice and cozy here. Thats why I like the idea of the bookshelf. "

"Ivar, I think this is a great idea," he smiled. "Even if we just use it as an escape at first. And umm, it sounds like a lot of fun."

"Oh, it will be," Ivar leaned in and kissed him. "All this talk has definitely got me hot for you."

"Oh, like you weren't already,"

Ivar blushed. "I'll get sheets and blankets for the bed, clean up the mess in the corner, and install the keypad lock tomorrow. Let's get food. I'm hungry, arent you?"

"Actually, umm, yes," Alex said as he grabbed a handful of Ivar's ass, "But I guess it can wait until we've had some food." Alex grinned.

"So, I'm not the only one this room has affected, humm? The thought of you touching me in all the right places gives me goosebumps," Ivar said into Alex's ear as he gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"You keep talking like that, and we're never going to make it to ordering food," Alex smiled. "We should go upstairs."

"You're right."

As they walked into the kitchen about to order take out, they saw Katia.

"Katia," Alex nodded in an attempt to say hello. He'd honestly just been trying to avoid her.

"Guys, I'm glad you're here. I've made spaghetti." They both looked at eachother, surprised. "Well, I mean, if you've already eaten or were headed out, that's fine, too. I was just hungry, and I made way too much for just one person. It's fine," she said turning back around to the stove.

Ivar looked to Alex and Alex nudged him. "Katia, umm, no, we haven't eaten. We were just surprised, because it's like you read our minds. We just came upstairs because we were about to order take out. If you're sure you don't mind, we'd love to have spaghetti. With you."

They both grabbed a stool and sat down as she made their plates and gave them to them. She sat down, too, with a smile.

"Katia! This is so good," Alex told her, cramming his face.

She smiled and Ivar told her, "Spaghetti is like Alex's second favorite meal. You've seriously made him happy," Ivar grinned. "Thank you. He's not wrong. It is really good."

As they ate, they began to talk. It was a bit awkward at first, but it eventually got a little less tense as they talked about Ivy and how fast she was growing and learning.

"She impresses me every single day. She's so smart. Just like her daddy," Alex said, looking to Ivar with pride, as he placed his hand over Ivar's.

Ivar blushed and said, "Umm, thanks. She is pretty impressive. I can't believe she's already walking on her own, and she's so cute when she stumbles. She looks up like she thinks one of us pushed her." He and Alex both laughed.

Katia cleared her throat, and Alex, not intending to have made her feel uncomfortable, moved his hand from Ivar's and dropped his head.

Katia tried to continue the conversation, "So, what are you guys working on downstairs, anyway?"

"Umm, just uh, well, just a bit of renovations, ya know. We're painting, getting rid of some old stuff, and adding new furniture and umm, things to the room down there," Ivar tried.

"Aww, that's nice. Is it going to be Ivy's playroom?"

Without even thinking, Ivar quickly answered, "Well, not Ivy's."

Everyone got quite. Alex dropped his fork onto the plate and braced himself. He looked at Ivar in complete disbelief.

"Well, umm, I mean, uh," Ivar stuttered.

Katia's mouth gapped open and then, standing up, she said, "Well, I think I could have went the rest of my life without hearing that. What makes you think I want to know about whatever kinky shit the two of you are into?"

"Oh, Katia, I-I'm uh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," Ivar began, but she interrupted him.

Grabbing her plate and taking it to the sink, Katia growled, "I don't care, Ivar. How disgusting! I'm already doing my best to accept that the father of my little girl is fucking gay, but then you go and make something dedicated to your twisted sex life with your fucking gross boyfriend right here in your home where she is? And what? You expect me to be happy about it?"

Ivar didn't know what to say, but Alex had had enough of her bullshit. Out of character for him, he stood and said, "First of all, Katia, our love is not disgusting, and I'm sorry you can't accept that Ivar is in love with someone besides you! What did you expect after the horrible way you treated him?"

"And you know what? Who do you think was there for him after you fucking disappeared? That's right. Me! I was there for Ivar more as his friend than you ever were as his girlfriend or fucking fiancé! You've always had ulterior motives. And I am fucking sick of it! I've been trying and trying, and every step of the way, you are determined to make it as difficult as it can possibly be! And for what? What do you think you're suddenly going to be able to accomplish?"

"And I'm sorry you can't handle knowing that he's chosen me, but if we are ever going to be able to get along for Ivy's sake, it's time you took your fucking head out of your ass long enough to see what's best for her! We're trying, here. Do you think it's easy having you here all the time? We've all got to make sacrifices, and it's high time you do!"

Ivar quickly got to his feet and stood between them. "Ok, ok. That's enough, guys. Let's just all calm down." He looked to Katia, "I've told you, you have to accept this. Alex isn't going any fucking where. I can't believe you just said all of that, but then you claim that you love me! That is not love!"

"You need to know that the only thing saving you right now is me knowing I could never look Ivy in the eyes and tell her the reason her mother is no longer with us is because I decided to show her how ruthless I can be!" He growled. "If you really think we're that disgusting, maybe you should find somewhere else to finish your fucking therapy!" Katia was stunned.

Everyone stood in silence for what felt like an eternity.

Finally breaking the silence, Alex turned to Ivar, "I understand how tired and frustrated we all are, but she is still the mother of your child. We all have to figure out a way to make this work. We have to get along for Ivy."

Katia dropped her head. She then softly said, "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you both. And Alex?"

Alex looked up. "I do know you love Ivar. I know you're good for him." Alex was even more shocked. "It's just so damn hard to see it constantly. I'm so sorry for how I've treated you. And I don't really think you're disgusting. I was just upset. I also see how much you love Ivy. I think I'll always be jealous, but I am truly sorry."

Alex took a deep breath, "Thank you, Katia. I believe we can make this work. And I, umm, I'm sorry, too. It's never my intention to rub anything in your face. I hope you know that."

She gently smiled at him, still feeling uneasy. "Ivar, can you give me at least a week?"

"A week? For what?"

"To find somewhere else to stay. And I promise you, I won't keep Ivy away from you," she answered as she put her plate in the drainer.

Ivar looked to Alex, and Alex shook his head no.

"Katia, you don't have to leave."

"But you said..."

"I know what I said, but that's only if you keep making our lives so difficult. This," he motioned between her and Alex, "This is a step in the right direction. Unless you aren't willing to make it work, I'd," Alex cleared his throat, so Ivar continued, "We'd like for you to stay through the rest of your recovery. It's made Ivy so much more comfortable with me, and now, she really sees me as her dad instead of some stranger you introduced a few months ago."

She looked at Ivar and then back to Alex. "Umm, are you sure you'd be ok with that, Alex? I know I've made things so hard every step of the way for you." She dropped her head in shame. "I've just been trying to hold onto a memory of when things were better, and that is no longer my reality. I see that now."

Alex couldn't be sure, obviously, because he still didn't trust Katia, but she seemed sincere, the most sincere he'd seen her in a while. "I won't lie, Katia. You've done and said some pretty bad things that's really made it difficult for me to trust you, but I'm definitely willing to give you another chance to prove yourself. For Ivy's sake." Alex grabbed Ivar's hand and then said, "And for Ivar's."

After the three of them made their agreement, they told Katia they'd clean up the kitchen since she cooked.

She went to bed, and the two of them went about cleaning the kitchen. "Thank you, Love," Ivar turned to Alex. "I know that wasn't easy, but I do appreciate it." He pulled Alex into a hug.

"It's fine. Anything for you."

Ivar grinned into the nape of Alex's neck, "I just want you to be happy. And umm," he pulled away to see Alex's face, "And maybe a little naked."

"That can be arranged," Alex smirked.

As they were almost finished in the kitchen, they heard Ivy on the baby monitor. "Hey, I've got it. You finish here, and I'll get her back to sleep," Alex eagerly said.

"Well, if you're sure."

"I am."

Alex ran up the stairs to Ivy's room. When she saw him, she reached her arms up, "Ale."

"Oh, baby girl, what's wrong?" He checked her and saw she needed her diaper changed. He laid her on the changing table and began changing her. Surprised, he felt happy to have this responsibility. He knew he'd do everything in his power to be the best bonus dad ever.

Ivy yawned as Alex was finishing up. He cleaned his hands with hand sanitizer and then picked her up. She instantly clung to him and laid her head on his chest.

He walked with her, rubbing her back, as she began to fall asleep again. As he went to lay her in her bed, her little eyes sprang open, and she clung to his shirt. "Ale," she whined.

Knowing he was completely wrapped around her finger, he picked her up again, laughing to himself. He walked to Ivar's room for him to help get her back to sleep well enough to lay her down.

As he neared Ivar's door, he noticed the lights were still off and heard fumbling around in the kitchen, still. He walked into Ivar's room and turned on the lamp in the corner. He sat down on Ivar's bed with Ivy still in his arms. He thought maybe laying down with her would help her go back to sleep faster, so that's what he did. She instantly snuggled up to him, never letting go of his shirt, warming his heart.

A few minutes later, Ivar finally turned off the lights downstairs and hurried upstairs to check if Alex was able to calm Ivy down enough to get her to sleep again. He entered her room, expecting to find Alex there with her, but he was surprised to find the room was empty.

He walked down the hall to his room. As he pushed the door further open, there he saw Alex on the bed, with his back facing the door. For a moment, he panicked, because he didn't see Ivy. "Alex, where is Ivy? She's not in her bed," he asked, stepping closer, but Alex didn't answer.

As he reached the bed, he realized Alex was sleeping, and Ivy was snug against his chest, one hand gripping his shirt and the other small hand wrapped entirely around his thumb. Alex's other hand was placed lovenly around her small back. It melted his heart. He stood, watching them, in a pool of emotions.

He rushed to the bookshelf where his camera was placed, and grabbed it. He quickly went back to the bed and began snapping pictures. He definitely needed to document this precious moment.

Once he'd taken plenty of pictures, he put the camera back and then went to get Ivy so he could take her to her bed. As he crawled up behind her and tried to get her out of Alex's arms, Alex tightened them around her. He barely opened his eyes and saw Ivar. "Umm, wh-what are you doing?" he whispered.

Ivar told him, and he answered, "No, she's ok right here. Just lay down with us."

"Are you sure? We have to be really careful not to squish her. That won't keep you awake?" Ivar was worried about Alex being too tired for class the next day.

"No. It's fine. I promise. I actually kind of like it. It's sweet. But I'm sorry about our other plans," Alex said softly, motioning for Ivar to lay down with them.

As he did, Ivar told him, "It's ok. We've always got tomorrow." He snuggled up to Alex as best he could with Ivy between them and pulled the covers over them. He leaned over them and kissed Ivy on the top of her head and then, did the same to Alex. "My whole world all in one spot. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love you more."

Within minutes, he and Alex were off to sleep, too.

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The next day, Ivar and Ivy dropped Alex off at school. As worried as Ivar had been about Alex losing sleep, Alex told him how he'd had the sweetest dreams of the two of them and Ivy. He'd slept fine, and there was no need to worry. He let Ivar know that Y/N would drop him off after class, and they kissed goodbye.

When Sara arrived at Ivar's, Ivar went to the basement to finish up the few tasks they'd left from the night before. As he worked, he ran across some old boxes and decided to go through them.

He'd found old pictures and things from his family when they all lived there together. He ran across an old necklace that he'd, apparently, carelessly thrown into one of the boxes. He put it on so he'd remember to take it back to his room when he was finished.

He finally had a pile of things to trash and a pile that he was, now, working on putting away.

With his back to the door, Ivar was placing boxes above his head, on the top shelves of the cabinets. "I love the new lock. I'm glad you had the door open, or I wouldn't have been able to get inside, though. What's the code?" Ivar heard Alex's voice from behind him and turned around with a smile.

"Damn, you scared me. I didn't realize it was time for you to be back already. The code is Ivy's birthday and the date you and I made it official," Ivar smiled warmly. "Figured that would be easy for us to remember."

As Alex walked closer, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, a display of horror across his face.

"What? What is it?" Ivar asked him, confused.

Immediately noticing the necklace around Ivar's neck, Alex snarled and asked, "Where's the necklace from, Ivar?"

Still confused, Ivar answered, "Oh, I found it cleaning up."

"Are you fucking shitting me right now, Ivar? How fucking inconsiderate can you be? Really?" His eyes coldly pierced through Ivar's.

Ivar hadn't seen Alex mad like that in a long time, if at all, really. It was even different than what he'd given to Katia the night before. Ivar was usually the one with the bad temper. "Alex, I don't understand. What's going on?"

Alex saw red as he answered him, "Seriously? As if it's not enough that Katia is the only female you have ever loved, fuck, the only other person you've ever been in love with besides me, but then, you give insult to injury by just 'conveniently' finding the fucking necklace she gave you right after you proposed to her!?"

Ivar gasped and touched the necklace hanging on his chest. "Yes! That's right, I fucking recognize the damn necklace, Ivar! You didn't take it off for months after she left." Alex grimaced at the memories of how broken Ivar was at the time.

"And you just put it on, now, and you're just going to wear it, like it's nothing, when she's just shaking everything up in our lives as it is?"

Alex couldn't control his anger any longer, "No, I don't think so. I think that says what it needs to, Ivar. We should just call it quits, now, before things get even more serious between us, and you and Katia can have the fucking family you've always wanted." Alex knew he'd said way more than he even really meant, but he was so mad, and once he'd opened his mouth, it was like he wasn't able to shut it.

Tears rolled down Alex's cheeks. He still had his keys to Ivar's place in his hand, and as he looked down at them, he slung them toward Ivar as he yelled in anguish.

Shocked, Ivar just barely dodged the keys that almost hit him in the face but slammed against the wall behind him and then slid down to the floor. He turned from looking at the wall back to Alex, who was now on his knees in the floor, his head in his hands, sobbing.

Ivar rushed to him, immediately dropping to his knees in front of him. He placed his hands on Alex's and gently moved them away from his face and began wiping Alex's tears. In the most soothing voice he could muster, trying not to let his voice crack as his heart crumbled for Alex, he began, "Hey, hey. Now, it's not like that at all, Alex. I'm so sorry. I promise you, when I saw the necklace, I did not once even almost think of Katia. Not for a second, even," his voice began to quiver, and he tried clearing his throat.

Alex looked at him, defeat in his eyes as more tears escaped down his cheeks. Ivar pulled Alex in for a tight hug, "Shhh. Shhh. Don't cry, Love. Seriously, she was, and is, the farthest thing from my mind, Alex. I just saw it and thought it was pretty and put it on mindlessly to actually take back upstairs later. I know, it was careless of me, but I was in the middle of cleaning and honestly, wasn't thinking. Listen to me," he pulled Alex back so he could look him directly in his eyes, "I love you. You, and you only are for me. I only want to be with you. You are my everything, Love. Don't say such things like ending what we have. I couldn't survive without you. I am truly sorry. Look, I'll throw the damn necklace in the trash. It honestly means nothing to me. Nothing like it did way back then. That was seriously like a lifetime ago for me, and the only family I want is with you, and now we have one. So please, forgive me."

Alex wiped his tears as they continued to flow. He didn't realize just how many different emotions he'd kept pent up inside these last few months.

Alex's palms began to sweat as he began, his voice shaky, "Look, Ivar. I'm sorry. I've probably really over reacted and made a fool of myself. It's just that, well," he hesitated, "I, I can't even begin to explain to you how scared I've been these last few months, and I've been holding it in."

"I do think we finally made Katia see last night, and I'm trying so hard to make it all work. And umm," a single tear rolled down his face, "I-I'm just so scared of losing you and Ivy. And even though I do feel more secure in our relationship, now, finally, seeing that necklace around your neck just brought back so many memories, emotions, and uncertainty that I just completely lost it. I'm sorry, Ivar, " Alex gulped and dropped his head.

Ivar was completely floored. He hadn't realized that Alex still had those fears balled up inside.

He tilted Alex's face back up to look at him. "Alex, Love, don't torture yourself with such things from the past. I promise you, this necklace means nothing to me, like I said, and I didn't even realize what it was. I love you, Alex. I know Katia never loved me, and I know you know that, too."

"Yes, I asked her to marry me and yes, it hurt that it didn't happen, but I see, now, why that couldn't happen. It wasn't meant to be. You and I would have never happened if I'd ended up with her, and that, my dear, would be a true travesty, because right here, with you, is where I belong. You seriously have nothing to worry about."

Alex looked up at Ivar as he blushed, embarrassment coverig his face.

Ivar rubbed his hand down Alex's cheek to the nape of his neck and gently squeezed waiting to know Alex was truly ok. Alex looked at him, shyly, cheeks red. "When did you become the smooth talker?" he asked, forcing a smile.

"I guess around the same time that you became the paranoid, ruthless worrier who thinks he's not good enough," Ivar grinned. "I know relationships are hard, and you've had a lot to adjust to right from the beginning. You could have easily called it quits as soon as you found out I have a child, but, Love, as long as the end result is the two of us together, this relationship is worth any fight. I have never loved another like I love you," Ivar told him and leaned forward to kiss him.

***WARNING: NSFW 18+ ONLY Below cut is a heavily smutty scene, including, but not limited to: anal play and rough anal sex between our 2 men, kinky bondage, ropes, spanking, choking, biting, kinky, raw, heated sex, and oral sex as well. If you want to skip it, scroll to the next cut.***

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The kiss quickly grew stronger, Alex melting into Ivar as the words were spoken, and the two were entangled in eachother in such a way that you couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. They sat there in the middle of the playroom floor, making out, heavy breathing, hot panting, hearts racing, heat spreading, hands roaming. Soft moans escaped from Alex's lips through the kissing, and he pulled Ivar closer to him.

It was as if all of the anger and high emotions were coming out, all at once, in this heated moment. Between kisses, Ivar said, "Like I said before, I just want you to be happy and umm, maybe a bit naked." He grinned. "To the bed, Love?"

"No," Alex answered, sofly, as Ivar's heart stopped in sheer panic, and his lips froze, "No, here. Now."

"What the... Umm, well, that was unexpected," Ivar almost blushed, but his eyes lit up, Alex not missing it.

They continued there in the floor, and suddenly Alex pushed Ivar backward, crawling over him and caging Ivar's body with his very own while staring down at him. "Or... Or I could fuck you?" he grinned.

Ivar wasn't even sure what had come over Alex, but he liked it. He quickly raised up, catching Alex off guard, and flipped him over onto his back, and he now stared down at Alex. "Oh, not so fast, little one. I told you before, I'm never the bottom."

Alex looked as if he was going to protest, and Ivar cut him off before he began, knowing exactly what he was thinking, "That was different. She was a woman, and umm, it was plastic," he gave his devilish grin. "Now, shut up, and turn around."

Alex did as commanded, and Ivar practically ripped his sweats and boxers off of him. "Do you have the tablets in here already?"

Alex, still feeling a little edgy, answered, "I do but, no. I don't want to wait. Do it now."

"Wh..what?" He was stunned. "Are you sure, Alex? You don't have anything to prove to me."

"There's lube in the drawer, beside the bed. Just use it, and fuck me, already, Ivar. Now."

Ivar couldn't believe his ears, but he also couldn't hide his excitement. He crawled over and retrieved the lube as he simultaneously pulled his pants off. He was quickly back over Alex and smoothing his ass full of lube. He then put the rest of what was in his hand on himself and lined up with Alex's entrance. "You are sure this is what you want?" Ivar asked again, "I don't want to hurt you, Love."

"I want you to hurt me! Fuck me, Ivar. We never just fuck, and that's ok, but sometimes, I think we can use a good fuck! So, fuck me. Now!"

Stunned, as his pulse began to race, Ivar, already hard as a rock, replied, "Ok, but you still have to let me know if it's too much or if I need to stop."

Alex turned his head to the side and glanced back at Ivar as best he could, "Ok, already. Do it, Ivar."

Ivar couldn't believe they were about to have sex like this for the first time, with Alex facing away from him, and he definitely was surprised that Alex also wanted it so rough and without the tablets. The annoyance in Alex's voice was somwhow a turn on as well, and Ivar wasn't quite sure what to even make of that at all. "Get out of your head, Ivar. I'm ok. Now, fuck me already!" Alex practically whined. "Damn it! Stop hesitating, and fuck me! I promise I'll let you know if we need to stop!"

Ivar held himself with one hand and balanced his weight on the other. With one hard thrust, he slammed into Alex all at once, and Alex yelled out, "Oh, fuck!"

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you ok?"

"Ivar! Yes! It's a good pain. Now, do your thing, and beat my ass with that big dick of yours! Make me scream your name and beg for more. Fuck my brains out, and make me come and then come again. I definitely want you to fucking hurt me! I'm mad at you, and I need you to hurt me for it," Alex said in his sultry voice, even shocking himself a little.

As surprised as Ivar was, he was even more turned on. He'd never heard Alex talk quite like this, and it honestly, made him question if maybe he would enjoy being the bottom with Alex in control afterall. His dick twitched inside of Alex, and Alex moaned. That was all it took to spur Ivar on.

Ivar pulled back and slammed into Alex. "That's it. Again." With the flip of his hips, Ivar did it again. "That's it, harder, Ivar," Alex groaned, and Ivar realized that even though Alex was on the bottom, he was very much the one in control of this situation, and he found it hot as fuck.

Ivar began to pump into Alex like he never had before. With each flip of his hips into Alex, Alex moaned out his name. Heat spread through Ivar's veins faster than he'd ever imagined was possible, and he began to sweat.

Alex's tight grip around Ivar's shaft, having not used the pills for dilation, was like nothing Ivar had ever felt before. He was able to feel Alex's every quiver, every tense movement, even Alex's blood flowing through his veins as he clamped down with Ivar's every thrust. It was like Ivar's very own personal erotic taste of extasy that he absolutely couldn't get enough of. He just hoped he could last long enough to make Alex finish first.

He tucked his hands under Alex's underarms, and grabbed his shoulders from the front and gripped tightly to hold on. From this angle, he was able to kiss and nibble on Alex's neck and back.

As he continued his relentless fucking up into Alex, he licked up the part of Alex's spine, that he could reach, with his tongue to where Alex's neck and shoulder met, and he bit down. Alex cried out in extasy, "Ivar! Oh fuck! Harder!"

Alex could feel the heat on his neck from Ivar's breath, sending chills down his spine. It was overpowering, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it. He wasn't ready to be finished yet, so he told Ivar, "Stop! I need to stand."

Of course, Ivar immediately stopped, trying to gain control of his breathing as he did. He panted, "Oh, ok. Are, umm, you ok?" He slowly pulled out of Alex, and Alex quickly turned around facing him, shaking his head yes. Alex grabbed him from his neck and pulled him closer, causing Ivar to collapse on top of him with a grunt.

Their chests touching eachother, sweat on sweat, the closeness and the feel of Ivar's body on his was so intense, Alex feverishly yanked Ivar's plump lips to his own and began to kiss him sloppily, his tongue darting in and out of Ivar's mouth.

Suddenly, Alex pulled Ivar away by the hair of his head, just far enough to speak, and he whimpered, "I want more. I want you to fuck me against the wall, Ivar. I want you to press your body tightly against mine, and fuck me into the middle of next week."

Shocked, but all too willingly, Ivar jerked back to get to his feet, but Alex's hands were tangled in the necklace, and the sudden movement from Ivar caused it to snap and fall to the floor, off of Ivar's neck.

Alex gasped, covering his mouth with his hands. He sat up immediately and said, "Oh my God, Babe. I am so sorry. Fuck! I'm sorry. I feel horrible."

"It's ok, Love. I told you we can trash it even. Let's worry about that later. Right now, I want you against that damn wall."

Alex looked at Ivar and smiled. He loved it when Ivar spoke to him that way. Excitedly, he jumped to his feet, and leaving the necklace in the floor, walked to the wall. He glanced back over his shoulder at Ivar, still standing in the same spot. "Well, are you coming or what?"

Ivar laughed, "No, no I'm not, Love. Not yet anyway, but when I do, oh, you'll definitely know it. This, I promise you."

He took two big steps, closing the gap between them, and before Alex could even react, he pressed his hot chest up against Alex's back and let his fingertips softly and slowly drag up Alex's sides, tracing up his thighs, to his hips, and on each side of his stomach and chest. He yanked Alex away from the wall a little and grabbed his pulsating cock and began pumping it while his heavy breathing landed on Alex's neck. He gave small, wet kisses and gentle bites along the back of Alex's neck, sending shivers down his spine.

Alex's breath caught in his throat, and he completely forgot what he had been so mad and hurt about. "Ta..," he tried to speak, "Take me. Now."

Ivar needed no further instructions. Placing his foot between Alex's two, he slightly kicked them apart, "Spread 'em, sir," and Alex did. Ivar bent down just a little, and Alex poked his ass out to assist. Ivar lined himself up and asked, "Are you ready?"

All Alex could respond with was, "Umm humm." With that, Ivar thrusted upward, and straightened up, causing himself to burst into Alex. Alex wailed, "Ivar!" Ivar bit down on his shoulder and slammed into him again causing Alex to tremble.

Ivar's movements found their rhythm, and he began pounding Alex from behind. He continued pumping him with his right fist in perfect rhythm with his hips, and his left hand landed on top of Alex's against the wall. He intertwined his fingers and squeezed their hands together into a tight fist as he continued his assault on Alex's tight ass.

"Iv, Ivar," Alex struggled to speak, "St, umm, mov..."

Ivar instantly stiffened and stopped moving. "Oh shit! Are you ok, Love?"

Struggling to catch his breath, Alex answered, "More than ok. I-I umm," he took a deep breath between his panting, "I need you to move your hand," and he placed his around Ivar's that was still gripping his quivering member.

Ivar instantly dropped his hand, still concerned about Alex, "Are you sure you're.."

"Yes, I'm fine. Oh my God, I'm fine. I just don't want to finish already, and if you continue, I'm going to paint the wall with my fucking cum."

Ivar laughed, "Shit, I love you." He leaned forward, pressing his hot, sweaty body against Alex's again, and began slowly kissing up his shoulder toward his neck as his hips slowly began to move back and forth again, fucking up into Alex. Alex squirmed and moaned out breathlessly. Once Ivar reached Alex's neck, he stuck his tongue out and licked up the side of it. With a hot, wet kiss onto Alex's neck, he bit down again just hard enough to make Alex shudder. "You want to try something else new, Love?" Ivar breathed heavily into Alex's ear.

"Umm humm," Alex panted.

Ivar pulled out of Alex and took a step backwards. Alex, whining at the sudden emptiness and loss of Ivar's touch, complained, "Wait. Where are you going?"

"Just wait here," Ivar responded, stepping over to the table in the middle of the room and pulling out a chair, "I'll be right back."

Alex, curious and ready to take a breather, slumped down into the chair and anxiously awaited Ivar's return. He looked up and saw Ivar standing there holding a long, thick, brown rope and grinning from ear to ear. His eyes widened.

"Are you into bondage?" Alex gulped, and Ivar quickly followed up with, "This rope was meant for it. It's soft and won't scratch or hurt you. If you're willing, I'll tie.."

Alex interrupted, "Ivar, I'm sorry. As hot as that sounds, I can't let you tie me up with a rope you've used on God knows how many other people. That's just.."

Ivar quickly closed the small space between them and squatted down in front of Alex. "No, Love, look," he showed him a tag on the end of the rope. "I ordered this just for us, for this room. It's new, but if you'd rather not.."

Alex leaned down and yanked Ivar to him, their lips crashing into eachother's. As Alex devoured Ivar as best he could, heat rising in them both, Ivar pulled away and softly asked, "Is that a yes?"

"Fuck yes! How do you want me?"

"Every single fucking way I can have you," Ivar licked his lips as his devilish, serious, grin faded into something more sinister.

"Take me then. Ruin me. Please!"

Ivar's dick twitched as he stood. He pulled the other chair around and told Alex to stand. He checked that the padding was in the seats of the chairs and had Alex get on his knees, one in each chair, and then abruptly bent him over the table. Alex's eyes widened as he looked back at Ivar. He yanked Alex's arms behind him and began tying them up and then to each corner of the table. "You ok, Love?"

With his face and chest pressed tightly against the table, Alex only whimpered, "Umm humm."

Ivar continued with the rope by tying it into knots around each of Alex's thighs and then, to his ankles and finally, to each chair, carefully so that his legs were spread just enough for him to fit between them. "Can you move, Love?" Ivar asked seductively, licking his lips.

Alex squirmed a bit, "Umm, no," completely surprised at the position he was now in, twisted up like a pretzel, and extremely excited as well.

"Perfect," Ivar smiled. He kneeled to his knees behind Alex. Grabbing the lube, he wet his hands. Without warning, he grabbed Alex's dangling, thick, dick and squeezed.

Alex moaned, "Oh my God!" and Ivar leaned closer. He began pumping Alex up and down as he twisted his hand back and forth in a circular motion.

He bent down and placed his warm, wet mouth on the small of Alex's back and gave him little kisses as he continued pumping him. Alex squirmed and moaned out Ivar's name. Ivar only smiled and continued. He traced up the inside of Alex's thigh with his fingertips, sending chills all over Alex's body. He then, lowered his mouth and repeated the same motion, but this time, with his tongue, obscene noises escaping Alex's mouth.

Adding lube to Alex's ass and to his own hand, Ivar slowly rubbed his finger around Alex's entrance, teasing him, causing Alex to try to wiggle lose and to begin panting. Alex's toes curled as Ivar slowly slipped his finger inside and began to wiggle it back and forth.

With his other hand, Ivar let go of Alex's cock long enough to slap him hard on the ass, leaving a red hand print and causing Alex to gasp. He leaned down and kissed the handprint and then slapped Alex's ass again, causing Alex to moan and groan.

He quickly grabbed Alex again and began stroking him up and down in a circular motion as his finger continued to slowly move causing Alex to cry out, "Fuck!!! Oh hell! Ivar!" He rambled unrecognizable words as heat and sweat covered his body. He felt dizzy with all the sensations coursing through his body, and his back arched as much as it possibly could.

Ivar leaned up, never stopping his movements with either hand, and bit Alex's ass cheek before gently licking over it and then giving it a hot, wet kiss. Alex moaned with desire as his heart threatened to pound through his tight chest and spill out all over the table that he was so tightly tied to.

Ivar licked up Alex's spine and then bit him again as he reached his neck. "I wanna be inside you," he whispered into Alex's ear as he nibbled on it. "I wanna feel you tighten your walls around me as you beg me for mercy, knowing there won't be any."

Smiling, he licked behind Alex's ear, his hot breath brushing against Alex's skin, causing him to squeal, but Ivar continued as if he hadn't noticed. "I want to make you forget all your worries. Fuck! I wanna make you forget your name."

Alex's breath caught in his throat as Ivar's lips grazed his skin while he spoke. Finally, Alex yelled out, "I want you, too. Oh hell! Give it to me! Now!"

Ivar snaked his hand around Alex's throat and pressed gently, just tight enough for Alex to gasp. Lifting Alex's head the little he could, he whispered into his ear in a raspy voice, "What was that? I couldn't hear you. You want me?"

"Umm-humm."

Ivar licked his ear and bit his ear lobe. "You said you want me? You want me to fuck you? To thrust my cock into you so hard you see stars? You want me to make you scream my name as you come so hard your entire body wriths and shakes beneath me? Humm? Is that what you want?"

Alex moaned out, his voice echoing in the room, as he shivered all over, "Ye-yes!" sweat dripping from his forehead.

Ivar slowly let go of Alex's throat and in an agonizingly slow motion, trailed his hand lightly across Alex's back, causing goosebumps to appear.

He leaned back away from Alex as Alex whinned at the hot closeness being taken from him. Ivar raised his hand and slapped Alex on his ass cheek again as Alex groaned into the hard wooden table. Switching hands, Ivar repeated the slapping on Alex's other cheek as his grin stretched across his face. "Are you ready for me?"

Alex moaned, "Umm humm."

"What was that? I can't hear you," Ivar asked as he lubed himself up and whined, himself, at the stroking of his own member while he looked down with anticipation. "I said, are you ready?" He lined himself up with Alex.

"Yes!" Alex wailed, "Oh fuck! Yes!"

Ivar thrusted into Alex, sloppily, as Alex yelled out his name. "There you go. You know the way I like it. Say my name. Scream it!"

Ivar waited for Alex to adjust to his size and then, began his delicate, agonizingly slow movements in and out of Alex as he didn't want Alex to suffer, given his moans of pain mixed with pleasure.

As Ivar started to move, Alex could feel the desperate heartbeat of his dick. He slowly backed into Ivar's movement as best he could, connecting with his pelvis.

Encouraged by Alex's sudden movement, Ivar began to savagely thrust into as him, all thoughts of carefulness gone, as he grabbed a handful of Alex's hair and yanked his head back as far as the rope would allow. "Say my name," he commanded, and Alex screamed it out in a raspy voice, causing Ivar's thrusts to become wilder and even more irratic.

Ivar pressed his heaving, sweaty chest against Alex's back as he continued his assault, while the only thing Alex could hear from him was how he roared and growled close to his ear.

Ivar's pounding into Alex remained diligent, though he was beginning to tremble. Taking a sharp breath, Ivar leaned away and gripped ahold of Alex on each side of his waist possessively. Keeping his tight grip, that would surely leave marks, he slid his length nearly out of Alex completely and, without warning, roughly rolled his hips back into him with that of a lion's roar that filled the room and vibrated off the walls. Alex began to whimper, so Ivar did it again, plunging deep into him.

Even with the rope tied so tightly to Alex and the table, each of Ivar's violent thrusts, jolted Alex up the table some. And each time, Ivar yanked him by his hips back into place and continued fucking him like he had demanded, causing Alex to wail and writh beneath him with his limited movement.

With sweat dripping from Ivar's chest onto Alex's back, he grabbed another handful of Alex's hair and tugged his head backwards again. With his other hand, he found Alex's throat and squeezed it again, just hard enough for him to wheeze as he sucked in air. "Scream my name. Tell me what you want. Scream for me," Ivar said slowly and seductively. "There's nothing sweeter than hearing my name roll off the plump lips of your juicy mouth as you plead for more." Ivar dropped his head forward, his sweat dampened hair grazing Alex's shoulders, causing him to shudder. As Ivar released his throat, he slapped his ass.

Alex hissed as pleasure consumed his entire body while Ivar dominated him and continued spanking his ass.

Suddenly, Ivar bent down and wrapped his hand tightly around Alex's rock hard, neglected, dangling shaft. He began moving his hand along Alex's length in rhythm with his hips, which had slowed down considerably, to make the position possible.

As Ivar roared like a savage beast at the sensations the slower movements brought him, Alex moaned out, "More! Harder! Ivar! Please!" He wailed unrecognizable sounds and said Ivar's name repeatedly.

"That's it, Love. Let go. Let me see you come undone," he dropped his head to Alex's neck, licking and sucking, sending shivers all over his body. As he reached Alex's ear, he softly whispered, his hot breath lightly fanning it, "Come for me. Come saying my name," and he slapped Alex's ass cheek again, causing him to jolt and do just as demanded of him.

"I-I'm close. Ohh, fuck! Ivar!" He felt the pressure building to it's boiling point as Ivar continued rolling into him, sloppily from behind.

Ivar's legs began to tremble as he pounded erratically into Alex, nearly losing his balance, "I'm, uh, fuck! I'm close, too! Let go, Love, let go!"

Alex practically squealed as Ivar's movements grew even stronger, still. Reveling in the extasy that Ivar had created, Alex's body tensed as he finally released his load and was gripped by the powerful feeling of his climax.

With that, Ivar met his demise immediately after, emptying himself deep inside Alex as his thrusts stammered and haulted. His body stiffened as he savored every moment of his release, his entire body twitching as he struggled to catch his breath.

With his legs trembling, sharp breaths escaping his mouth, and a pounding heart, Ivar's legs finally failed him, and he collapsed on top of Alex with a grunt. "Umm, sorry, Love," Ivar mumbled. "That was fucking amazing." He slowly raised up and pulled out of Alex with a whine as Alex did the same.

Both still panting, Alex whined, "I need to touch you. Please, untie me."

"But I could leave you like this," Ivar smirked, "And just have my way with you anytime I want." His heart fluttered.

"Well, you can still have your way with me anytime you want. You don't need this rope for that," Alex grinned.

His smile stretching widely across his face, Ivar yanked the rope and quickly began untying him, bit by bit. He assisted Alex in getting out of the rope and off of the table.

Alex quickly turned around, facing him, and gave him a needy kiss. He hungrily devoured him, mouth consuming Ivar's every moan and whimper as his arms wrapped tightly around Ivar's waist.

As he pulled Ivar closer, their chests fleshed against eachother, Alex moved his lips back far enough and softly said, "You're right. That definitely was amazing, but it was hard not being able to touch you." He raked his fingertips softly across Ivar's chiseled chest as goosebumps appeared beneath them. "The entire time I was craving the feel of you beneath my hands. This is just as amazing," he said.

With his heart pounding, Ivar yanked him forward and took him into another deep kiss, one arm around his back and the other holding the back of his head. He trembled all over as he sloppily kissed Alex, losing all train of thought.

They were wrapped in eachother's arms like a pretzel, passion growing stronger again with every drop of sweat that dropped from their bodies. Suddenly, Ivar broke the kiss and leaned back a little. "Umm," he panted, "We should probably stop. I don't want to hurt you, and if we continue like this, oh, I'm definitely going to hurt you," he grinned from ear to ear.

"As much as I know I'd like that, I also know you're right. We need to get cleaned up anyway," Alex sharply inhaled.

*Smutty scene over*

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They decided to take a shower together, and Alex told Ivar, "Given our history in showers, I don't really know if this is a good idea either."

Both of them laughing, Ivar said, "I promise I'll behave. It will be hard, but I can do it."

Turns out, Ivar wasn't lying. They both actually showered off their hot, sweaty, sticky bodies as they played in the water with eachother, splashing it in eachother's faces and smacking one another playfully.

As Alex was about to turn the water off, Ivar leaned in close behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He gently kissed up Alex's shoulder to his neck, and Alex turned his head to the side, toward him as best he could, "You good?"

Ivar kissed his cheek and nodded, "I love you." He, then, rested his forehead in the back of Alex's head, taking in the smell of his fresh, wet hair.

Warmth washed over Alex as he turned in Ivar's arms. "And I love you." Trying to avoid unintentional arousment, that he knew he couldn't handle at the moment, he pulled Ivar closer to him, both hands on his cheeks, and kissed him on the forehead.

After getting out of the shower and both putting on sweats, Alex stretched, yawning, "I'm really exhausted. Where are we sleeping? Upstairs in your room or down here?"

Ivar stretched his arms out toward him and said, "I have the perfect spot for you. You're sleeping right here." He sat down on the bed in the middle of the room, grinning widely.

Alex smiled back at him and crawled into bed beside him. "You're so cheesy," he laughed. "What about Ivy? Do you even have a monitor in here at all?"

"Sara is here tonight," Ivar laid back onto his pillow. "And no. No monitor in here. This is our space away. Remember?"

Alex curled up beside him as Ivar wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Alex on top of his head and asked, "How are you?"

Confused, Alex looked up at him and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, are you ok after we, well, after things got so rough?" Ivar felt his cheeks begin to burn. "I just, I was hoping I didn't hurt you. We've never done anything like that before, and I wanted.."

Placcing his finger over Ivar's lips, Alex interrupted him, "Ivar, I'm fine. Of course, I'm a little sore, but I expected that already. I'm ok. Seriously, this was unbelievable." Ivar felt relieved.

They began to doze off to sleep when, suddenly, Alex sat straight up in the bed, "Shit! Ivar!"

"What? What is it, Love? Are you ok?" Ivar quickly sat up beside him.

"Fuck! The necklace! I'm so sorry. I'd thought of ripping it off your neck to begin with, because I was so mad, but then, when it actually happened, it was a mistake. Oh shit. I'm so sorry!" Alex swung his feet off the side of the bed, attempting to get up, "I'll get it, and I'll get it fixed for you. Seriously, I'm sorry."

Ivar put his hand on Alex's shoulder and stopped him, "Hey, look at me." Alex turned to him. "I told you. It's not important. Leave it. We'll get it out of the floor tomorrow. And you don't have to get it fixed. It's ok. Now, lay back down with me."

"But, Ivar," Alex started.

"Shhh," he swallowed Alex's words with a kiss. "Now, lay down with me, and stop worrying."

Defeated and feeling guilty, Alex laid back down. "I'm actually surprised it stayed around my neck as long as it did," Ivar smirked at him. "Now, come here." He pulled Alex against his own body and wrapped his arms around him. They fell asleep wrapped around eachother as usual.

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----------------------------------------------------The next couple of weeks seemed a bit less tense at Ivar's when Alex was there. Katia seemed to be trying her best to keep her promise. When Alex could see something was bothering her and would worry what she might do, she'd usually go to her room without warning.

It was nice for Ivar as well. All he wanted was for the three of them to get along for Ivy's sake. What a lucky little girl she was to have the three of them to love her like they did!

Ivar had also had the chance to talk with Aslaug. He told her she would lose him if she couldn't accept that Alex was in his life and that he was in love with him.

She promised Ivar that the night Katia was talking about wanting him back and being better for him than Alex, she'd been distracted by hearing Alex in the hallway. She told him she hadn't really paid Katia much attention, but she knew how it looked to Alex.

She'd went to apologize to him that same night, but by the time she got to him, he was already drinking heavily with Sigurd and the others. Sigurd had motioned to her that he was keeping an eye on him, so she'd intended to talk to him later.

She even wanted to go to Ivar's and talk to Alex that very day Ivar had appeared on Ubbe's doorstep, but Ivar explained how Alex felt it was best to just drop it all together. He didn't want to think about it anymore and had already accepted that he'd most likely misunderstood the circumstances. Ivar would relay the message to Alex.

Evan though Aslaug didn't particularly like that decision, she agreed, because she didn't want to cause anymore trouble for the two of them. "Believe it or not, Dear, I do know that Alex loves you. You can see it in his actions. It took me a bit to accept everything, and I am still trying, but how could I want anything but your happiness?"

Ivar teared up with relief and hugged her before leaving and sharing the information with Alex.

Alex had been working on a presentation for school, and was happy to finally be at the bar on a Saturday night to get his mind off of his project and his grades.

"It's been a while since you've been able to work with me. I'm glad you're here," Ivar said, passing Alex behind the bar to get more beer.

"Ivar, I was just here last week," Alex reminded him.

"Yeah, but only Friday night and I barely saw you this week at all. Plus, I missed having you here with me," Ivar teased as he walked behind Alex again and popped him on the ass as he did.

"Which table are those beers going to?"

Ivar pointed, with his head, in the direction of two couples sitting together who looked a bit overdressed for their surroundings.

"Oh my God, Ivar. Do you know who that is? That's the couple who rented the entire place out for their wedding party."

"Okay? And?" Ivar was obviously missing the point Alex was trying to make.

"And they said they'd be back because they wanted to do some sort of buisness with us, more than just that night. Remember?"

Ivar's head dropped, "That's after our first, umm, when I umm, you know. I wasn't here for that weekend."

Alex looked at Ivar and told him, "Don't worry about it. Give me the tray. I'll take it to them." And Alex walked off toward the couples.

Ivar watched Alex as he spoke to them, clearly taking about the club. After a few minutes, Alex came back over to him, "Hey, they want to talk to us both."

Alex had Ivar follow him back over to their table and introduced them. They spoke for a while, telling them how much they enjoyed their place. The newlyweds explained that their friends were interested in buisness negotiations and would like to meet with them outside of the club sometime the next week.

Both Alex and Ivar agreed that would be nice, and they swapped their contact information so they could set up a time and day.

Excited, they both headed back to their spots behind the bar to talk about everything. As they made their way through the crowd, Ivar ended up ahead of Alex and back at the bar before him.

He turned to find Alex, but saw the back of a man's head blocking his full view of Alex. As he waited for the guy to step aside so Alex could push on through, he realized that the guy was talking to Alex. Assuming he was someone Alex knew, Ivar stood and waited.

"Come on. Leave with me. Let's get out of here, and I'll show you a nice night on the town."

"I'm sorry, Paul, but as I explained to you at school, I'm not interested. I'm happy with Ivar. Now, if you'll kindly let me by," Alex tried to make his way around Paul, "Ivar is waiting on me at the bar."

Paul stepped in front of Alex as he stepped to his side, "You're actually here with that mother fucker? I was sure that you would have left him by now, and he'd be back with his baby mama."

Not even dignifying Paul's question with an answer, Alex stepped to his other side, and simply said, "Excuse me."

Paul stepped in front of him again. He grabbed Alex's arms and squeezed tightly. "Listen to me! You need to leave with me. That mother fucker doesn't know how to treat you, and he's going to end up hurting you. Let me show you what a real man can do for you. One night with me, and I promise you won't regret it. You'll be like, 'Ivar who?' Come on."

Still gripping Alex's arms, he pulled Alex with him as he took steps toward the door. Alex unsuccessfully pulled, trying to break lose from him.

Feeling disgusted and actually, a little threatened, he decided to try to sound brave, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Let go of me, asshole! I'm not drunk this time. You can't take advantage of me! Back the fuck up! Why is it so hard for you to understand that I am not interested in anything you're offering?"

Paul turned around, facing him, "Is that what that asshole told you about me? That I was taking advantage of you?" Alex stared, blankly. "I did no such a thing! You told me that he'd broken your heart, and you wanted to leave him, but you were afraid of what he'd do if you tried."

Alex was shocked at Paul's failed attempt to try to convince him of things he knew he didn't say. He really was delusional. "Paul, I really," Alex began, and he felt two hands on his shoulders, gently guiding him to step to his side.

All the color drained from Paul's face as he looked up and found the cold eyes of Ivar staring down at him. "What was that you were saying? How I am dangerous and would hurt Alex?" Ivar snarled, "I believe you've got your facts wrong. I'd never lay a finger on Alex." Looking over to Alex, he smiled and then continued, "Well, at least not one that he didn't desire. However, you were right about one thing." He took a step closer to Paul, "I am very dangerous."

Ivar grabbed Paul by the collar of his shirt and squeezed it tightly around his neck into his fist. "And I'm not going to give you any more chances. You're lucky you're even still breathing. Get the fuck out of my club, and do not come back. Leave Alex the fuck alone. I don't want you so much as looking his fucking direction."

Gasping for air, Paul coughed and asked, "Why? What are you going to do? Call the police?"

Ivar flashed his teeth at Paul as he grinded them together, jaw muscles tensing. He yanked Paul closer to him so that they were eye to eye, "Who said anything about calling the fucking police? I can handle you all by myself. If you don't forget you ever knew Alex, I will filet you, set your ass on fire, and then feed you to my brother's fucking dog. There won't be enough of you left for even a DNA sample. Is that clear enough for you? Or do you need me to give you an example of what I'm capable of?" Ivar snarled, never looking away from Paul.

"Umm, uh yeah, yes. Yes, it's clear," Paul's words stumbled out of his mouth as he stood, still in Ivar's grasp, shaking with fear.

Ivar let go of him and then patted his shirt down in a mocking way to straighten it back out. "Now, run along. Get out of here before I regret letting you go." He waved him away dismissively.

Looking at Alex's stunned face, Ivar smiled and grabbed his hand, "C'mon, Love. Let me see you. Are you ok?"

They stepped to the side of Paul, who was still standing in the same spot in complete disbelief of what had just transpired, as Ivar looked Alex over. "I'm fine. He just pulled and squeezed me a bit, but I'm ok, Ivar."

"He better fucking hope you are! What's this? He looked at Alex's arm and could still see Paul's reddened handprint on it. "Who does he think he is?" Ivar could barely control the rage he felt inside.

"Let's just go back over to the bar. I'm fine. If he doesn't leave like you told him to, we'll get the bouncers to take care of him," Alex told him, trying to avoid making an even bigger scene.

Paul had began walking away from them, but he suddenly felt a surge of bravery course through his body. He thought of the danger his delusional mind was certain Alex was in. He couldn't let him leave with someone who had just threatened him the way Ivar had. He needed to try one more time. While cautious of Ivar, he was still sure he wouldn't put a finger on him there in the middle of the club.

With false security and new found strength, Paul lunged toward Alex. He grabbed Alex's shoulders from behind in an attempt to pull him away from Ivar, but Alex quickly moved to the side as Ivar saw Paul coming and told Alex to step away.

As Alex moved from Paul's grip, Paul balled up a fist, attempting to connect with Ivar's face. Without a second thought, Ivar caught Paul's fist in his left hand, squeezing and nearly crushing it. With his right hand, he punched Paul straight in the face. Paul stumbled backwards grabbing his eye and cheek.

He began yelling at Ivar, cussing him and saying how he was a threat to Alex. Ivar never said a word but took a step closer to him. He glared at Paul with darkened eyes and a menacing smile, watching to see if he'd finally taken the hint to leave.

With the weakest attempt, Paul tried to punch Ivar again, this time, grazing Ivar's mouth. It was just enough to make him bite his own lip, causing it to bleed. Ivar licked the blood from the corner of his mouth and gave another evil smile to Paul.

As Ivar took one more step closer to him, Paul held up his hands facing Ivar. "Ummm, no, no! I-I'm uh, I'm so-sorry. No, please. I didn't mean to..."

Ivar swung his fist harder this time and hit Paul so hard in the face that he lost his footing and fell backwards onto the floor.

The crowd had moved back out of the way by this point and stood watching in shock as the lights came on and music stopped.

Immediately, Ivar was standing over Paul. He grabbed him by the hair of his head with one hand and by his collar again with the other and pulled him up from the floor. Stooping down to stare him in the face, the words angrily roared out of Ivar's mouth, "What part of leave Alex alone, and get the fuck out of here did you not understand? Humm? And you have the audacity to try to hit me? Looks like I need to make good on my promise. Give me one good reason I shouldn't just end you right here, right now."

Paul panicked and tried to wiggle out of Ivar's tight grip. When he realized he couldn't get lose, he tried another tactic. "You threatening son of a bitch! I'll own you! I'll own..."

Having grown tired of the bullshit, Ivar punched him one more time, knocking him out. "What's that you were saying?" he mocked Paul, completely unbothered by his empty threats. He then dragged him to the door.

As he dropped him on the sidewalk outside, Paul opened his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, man. Truly. Please don't.."

Ivar cut him off, "Prove it. Stay the fuck away from us." Ivar coldly snarled back at him. "And you are now barred from coming back here. If you do, trust me, you will regret it."

When Ivar reached Alex back inside at the bar, the newlyweds and their friends were talking to him. "Fuck!" he mumbled to himself. "Umm, hi. I'm sorry you guys had to witness that. That's not usually how we conduct buisness around here. That was a special circumstance." He felt his cheeks burning.

"The guy was a friend of yours?" the guy, Steven, asked Alex.

"No, not really. Well, we used to be. We have a class together. I, too, am sorry you all had to see all of that. That kind of thing doesn't usually happen here."

"There's no need to apologize," Steven began. "It looked to me like Ivar, here, was just defending you. Am I right?"

Worried of what this meant for the deal they previously discussed, Alex dropped his head and answered. "Umm, well, yes. It's just, that guy doesn't know how to take no for an answer."

Ivar interrupted, "Look, I understand if you guys are no longer interested in meeting with us this week, now, after everything that just happened, but I'm not sorry. That guy had it coming. I won't sit by and let him, or anyone else for that matter, harass Alex like he has. I'm just sorry it had to happen here."

Steven's wife, Emilie, answered him, "Ivar, actually, it's quite the opposite of what you think. I was very impressed." She looked to Steven and smiled. "Do you know how many clubs and bars I've been to where there was some drunk perv pawing up all the ladies, and nobody ever did anything about it? Even after I complained to their security. It was quite nice to see you defending Alex. That's how I know you guys are the right ones for us to talk business with. Be sure to give us a call. We'll be looking forward to meeting with you two." Emilie stuck her hand out to shake theirs.

Ivar looked to Alex, shocked, then smiled as he shook her hand. "Thank you."

As the two couples left, Ivar told Alex, "Well, that was a close one. Are you ok?"

"Yes. Thank you. Are you?"

"Of course," Ivar laughed, "Let's get out of here. The crew can close up without us tonight."

They went back to Ivar's place, and, of course, everyone was already sleeping. They both quietly made their way upstairs to Ivar's room.

Alex took a shower while Ivar went back downstairs to grab some sandwiches and drinks for the two of them. Once Alex was finished showering, they ate and drank while discussing the evening. Ivar apologized for everything with Paul, but Alex told him how thankful he was and how he had to admit that Paul creeped him out. "He really makes me uncomfortable like he could totally hurt me and the whole time, think he's helping me. I think he's really unbalanced."

"Well, Alex, if he bothers you anymore, you do know I will end him for real, right?" Ivar didn't even crack a smile to him.

Alex gulped and avoided the question, "Umm, why don't you shower while I take care of the dishes?"

Ivar smirked, "Thank you," and went to the bathroom.

Ivar came from the shower to find Alex already laying in his bed. Alex rolled over to see Ivar, "Hope you don't mind. I'm really beat."

"Of course not. So am I," he said, crawling into bed beside him. "I'm just glad you decided to stay here tonight. I hate it when you go home, and I'm left here in this big bed all alone." He kissed Alex on the forehead.

Alex snuggled into Ivar's arms after he turned out the lamp. They talked a little more and guessed about what kind of buisness ideas Steven and Emilie could possibly have in mind for them.

As Alex was beginning to doze off, Ivar whispered, "You know I was serious about ending Paul if he bothers you anymore, right? Nobody hurts you and lives to tell about it."

Alex only mumbled, "Umm-humm," and the two of them fell asleep wrapped in eachother's arms as usual.

----------------------------------------------------

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

----------------------------------------------------

Monday, before Alex had class, Ivar and Alex called Steven. He asked them to fly out on that following Wednesday. Although Wednesday was the only day Alex didn't have class, it happened to be the day of his presentation for the project he'd been working so hard on.

"Umm, is there any other day that," Ivar began as Alex elbowed him and raised his eyebrows. "Umm, Steven? Would it be a terrible inconvenience if we called you back? It's just that we need to look at our calendar for next week first."

"I completely understand. I look forward to hearing from the two of you."

When Ivar hung up the phone, he told Alex, "That's you're big night. I can't miss it. If they choose your project, won't you be presented with the award the very next day? I'd miss both things."

"Ivar, I know it's not ideal, but what are the chances of my project actually being chosen? And this opportunity with Steven and Emilie is more certain. It has the chance of being big for us, for our business, and future. I will be ok for you to miss my presentation. You go to meet with them, and represent us both. It will be fine, and maybe you'll come home with great news."

Ivar kissed him on the forehead. "You never cease amaze me with how unselfish you are, Love. Are you sure it'll be ok?"

"Absolutely."

They called Steven back and explained. Steven agreed to meet with only Ivar but informed them that he'd like him to stay a few extra days to visit some other bars he owned there in the capital as well. He would like Ivar's input on what could possibly be changed to make them more successful. Ivar looked to Alex who was shaking his head yes, so they agreed.

Steven informed him that he'd have his plane ticket waiting for him at the airport. "Oh, that's not necessary, Steven. I'll get my ticket. Thank you, though."

"Nonsense. I've invited you here, and I will pay for your travel. My driver will pick you up at the airport when you arrive. It's settled."

Ivar and Alex were both surprised. That was usually how Ivar handled buisness. He wasn't used to someone else treating him like that.

As they sat, looking at eachother, Katia walked in. "Oh shit! What about Katia?" Ivar glanced over to her and back to Alex.

"I'll stay here at your place with her. I'll get with Sara and let her know my class schedule so we can ensure one of us is here and Katia's not alone."

Katia then spoke up, "Why would I be alone? What's going on, guys?"

Alex explained everything to her as Ivar began to protest, "Alex, you have too much work to do for your project. I'll have Sara and one of the other girls work it out between them. Besides, the two of you can barely stand eachother."

Katia then looked to Alex and gave him a sweet smile and a wink before looking back to Ivar, "Umm, if I may, I'd actually like Alex to stay here. That is, if he really can and it wouldn't be too much. I think it would be a good opportunity for the two of us to strengthen our relationship. Umm, for Ivy's sake, of course." She winked at Alex again as Ivar turned toward him, missing it.

Alex gulped, but tried to stay calm to prevent Ivar from an explosion and from worrying. Had Katia meant what it seemed? Surely not. "Yeah, umm," he rubbed his now sweating hands down the top of his thighs toward his knees, "She's right. It'll be good for Ivy."

"Are you sure, Alex?" Ivar wasn't convinced.

Looking back at Katia as she smiled widely, Alex told Ivar, "Yes, Ivar. It'll be fine." He wondered what Katia was up to, but he was sure he could handle it. Plus, he really didn't want Ivar to worry or miss this opportunity for their club. He grabbed Ivar's hand and kissed the back of it. "Don't worry. Juat go, and make this deal happen for us."

Katia grinned from ear to ear. She knew, now, that she had them right where she wanted them.

Alex glanced up and saw her huge grin and her wheels turning in her mind. His heart kind of sank. He hoped he hadn't just made a huge mistake.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@istorkyou @chapada010101010 @vero-maris-zamo @lostasalice-thisway @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate @lonewolf471 @noway4u @galaxy-1000 @twistergirlie

[missszena]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since last night. I need to say something about it.

Last evening, at the time of writing this, I was almost killed in a high speed collision on the highway because of my mom's Trump stickers.

I'm unfortunately stuck living in a conservative household due to the fact I'm too broke to afford my own place. I'm a college student surviving off of cheap fast food and forced to hide most of my true beliefs and play along because if I don't then I'll be out on the streets. The one time I voiced my pro-palestine support I was cornered by my mom in my room who wouldn't leave me alone, shaming me and basically implying my jewish ancestors who fled from Poland to the US during the holocaust would be ashamed of me, and when I literally had to shove her out of my room to get her to leave me alone I overheard my grandmother downstairs implying I should be thrown out.

If I don't keep my head down and pretend I'm at least neutral on their conservative ideals I will lose my housing. I won't be able to afford my guinea pig's food and bedding or have a place to keep him. I won't be able to finish college since I wouldn't have steady internet.

Last night, two people followed my mother's car from the city on our drive home from a traveling museum exhibit while making various gestures and yelling their disapproval of Trump (though I couldn't hear it through the car windows I could see it). At first they were just being mildly irritating, preventing my mom from changing lanes by trapping her behind a slower car, and I was about to convince her to leave them alone since they weren't doing any harm.

That was until they attempted to run her off the highway.

They sped ahead of us right into the middle of the road then slammed on the breaks, giving her either the split second window to also hit the breaks or either swerve off the highway/into the slower driver, or collide with them if she wasn't fast enough. Thank every fucking god in the universe she was quick enough to hit the breaks and just barely miss running right into them at over 70 miles an hour.

I could have fucking died because these two people assumed I was also a Trump supporter.

I, a queer person unable to leave a conservative household, could have fucking DIED because I can't get away from my Trumpie family members and they're my only housing (my dad spends most his time out of state).

Please for the love of fucking gods do NOT assume someone's beliefs based on the people they're with. You don't know if that kid with the parent wearing a MAGA hat is someone genuinely being brainwashed into conservative ideals or is stuck in a household they can't get out of. You don't know if that teenager being dragged along to evangelical churches or brought to Trump rallies is there of their own free will or if they just have no choice in going. You don't know if that young adult in the car covered in republican stickers actually supports those ideals or if they're struggling to afford to survive and have no other choice but to put up with conservative bullshit to not end up homeless.

If something goes wrong, like it almost did that day, you could have very well hurt a closeted queer kid, a struggling ally, or turned a potential ally away from you by threatening their life and safety which gives their conservative friends or family "evidence" to point at and say LOOK AREN'T THE LEFT SO AWFUL??? AREN'T THESE PEOPLE THE WORST??? THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO US!!!

This is in no way me saying I support conservatives. I don't. But I support people who can't get away from them either due to their age or the fact its fucking impossible to buy your own house these days even if you aren't also trying to get through college.

Please don't make those assumptions. Please don't let them motivate you to almost seriously harm or nearly kill someone. You don't know who's in the passenger seat.

[lost-walmartbag]

'Butters' x reader

Playlist: Like the sun

Warning: N/A

Background: You're new to south park and one of the first people you talk to is 'Butters'. You two make an arrangement and they take a liking to you but they don't know how to handle their own identity let alone their feelings for you.

Previous part

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'What is my name?'

You had just come to South Park last week and when you started school you didn't really socialize. Honestly, it was whatever you didn't really care to socialize much you just avoided most people out of habit. So safe to say you didn't have any friends and did everything alone. The move to south park itself wasn't hard for you as you didn't have friends in your old town either. It was a bit lonely but you found a way to distract yourself by sewing like your grandmother taught you.

You were amazing at it as you'd been doing it since you were young. You practically created your entire wardrobe and loved making dresses in particular but never really wore them yourself. It was honestly a relief South Park even had a craft store where you were able to get fabric. You went after school every day just to see if any new fabric would be put out that you could do something with.

You walked into the store and immediately headed to the fabric section. You usually didn't see anyone which made you question how this shop was even able to stay open. So when you saw someone in the fabric section it surprised you a bit and the fact you recognized them made you nervous but you brushed it off.

You went straight to browsing but noticed how the person was clearly confused. They were taller than you, blond, had a scar over one of their eyes, and was wrapped in a blue jacket. You didn't even notice you had been staring at them until they cleared their throat.

"H-Hi I'm sorry to bother you but do you make clothes?" They asked clearly embarrassed.

"Y-yeah I sew." You say quietly quickly avoiding eye contact.

"Sewing that's what it's called." They said with a smile. "Do you know how much fabric it would take to make a dress?"

"Well, it depends on the height and measurements of the person it's for." You say looking up slowly getting excited that you finally get to speak about your hobby with another person that wasn't from the internet.

"H-how a-about someone w-with my measurements?" They asked blushing and looking away from you.

"Hm you're a bit taller than me, what size do you normally wear? Like in shirts and stuff?" You ask slowly examining their body.

"M-medium." They muttered.

"Hmm is it ok if I ask what your pants measurements are?" You ask getting closer.

They shift around a bit and awkwardly flip a small part of the side of their pants to see the tag. "Hmm, I don't really know what this means.."

You move even closer and point at the tag. "This number is your waist measurement and this one is the inseam like how long your pants are."

"Oh." They said clearly embarrassed and put the tag back looking up at you finally making you realize how close you were to them.

You blush as you feel their breathing hitch from how close you were to their face. You take an awkward step back and look down.

"W-which fabric do you want to use?" You ask

"This one." They say pointing to a white fabric with small yellow flowers on it.

"Oh my god this is beautiful but it's not quite stretchy so I'd say about this much." You say pulling the fabric and rolling out a large piece. "It would look quite beautiful on you or your friend."

They blushed and nod. "Thank you. I don't know anything about sewing but I thought if I get the fabric first it would help."

"You don't know anything about sewing? Well, I can teach you. if you try with this you'll just waste money because it's inevitable you'll mess up." You explain looking up at them.

"R-really?" They asked smiling brightly and taking your hand. "You'll really help me?"

"Of course, everyone should know how to sew! It's amazing and you don't want to give your friend anything less than your best." You say excitedly.

"But I don't have anything to give you in return." They said. "Wait I know. You're in my grade, right? You don't have any friends so how about I help you with that?"

Their words stung it was clear they didn't mean to upset you but it didn't make them hurt less. You couldn't blame them though they were right. It's not like you didn't want friends you just didn't know how to make them.

"It's a deal." You say smiling brightly at them choosing to ignore their harsh words.

Butters smiled brightly and gave you their phone letting you put your number in it. You happily gave it to them and you both parted ways leaving without having bought anything. Once you got home Butters texted you.

'When do you want to meet up?'

'Tomorrow works after school' You texted back earning a thumbs up in response. 'Oh, I forgot to ask your name I'm so sorry.'

Butters stared at the text wondering how to reply. They didn't know what to say. Do they tell her Leopold? Butters? Marjorine? Leona? It was bad enough they were dealing with how to handle what they were now they have to figure out how to introduce themselves to someone who was going to teach them how to make dresses for themselves?

The thoughts ran through their brain making their hands shake. It was just all so frustrating and difficult. But they felt like they could trust them it just would be a lot to explain. Was it worth it?

"God, what is my name?" They muttered to themselves realizing how much time had passed since she had even sent the text.

'Just call me Leo' They sent the text feeling their stomach turning.

It could go either way it could be Leopold or Leona and wouldn't tip off anyone if they heard her calling them that. God, it felt suffocating but they knew it was the only way to make sure their life could stay as normal as possible.

'See ya then Leo :)'

A/N: Hey guys I really hoped you like this and I hope you can see what I'm trying to do with this story. And I hope I can do it as best I can. If anything I write is offensive or harmful in any way please don't hesitate to say something. I don't mean to do or say anything harmful at all so if it does happen I'm so sorry and I will fix it IMMEDIATELY. Anyway, I love you all thank you so much for reading 🩷🩷🩷

[aliypop]

The Queen and I

Word Count: 1,463

Writers Note: A request made by @your-nanas-house

Warning: None

Pairing: POC OC x Elvis

Summary: It's 1957 and Elvis has been invited to Valmos Mansion to meet Cecelia's mother personally for dinner, but what he doesn't know is he's about to meet the Queen of the castle, Calpurnia Cecelia's grandmother.

Taglist

@darkmoviesquotespizza

@sissylittlefeather

@richardslady121

@thegettingbyp2

@presleyenterprise

@sissylittlefeather

@dkayfixates

@rjmartin11

@thetaoofzoe

@your-nanas-house

@zayurir

@60svintage

@sillybookmarks

Valmos Mansion Nashville Tennessee 1957

"So, you and this Elvis friend of yours..." Denise said as she was chopping up vegetables for dinner. Cecelia was seasoning the steaks, "Hmm? Oh yes, he's a great guy." Cecelia smiled. Her mind was wandering to the moment that he would arrive at the front door of this prominent mansion that she called home, "I see. Clearly, he's not ashamed to be around you." Denise commented as Cecelia playfully rolled her eyes. Cecelia had shaken her head, sure her mother meant well, but then again. Her mother was having a rumored fling with her childhood crush, Frank Sinatra, "Of course not. He's always hanging around Beale Street," Cecelia giggled. She was too, but her mother couldn't know that "I promise you, you're gonna love him. He gets shy sometimes and stutters, but he means well." Cecelia blushed hard as she then heard the steps creak. Coming downstairs was her grandmother Calpurnia, born in 1892, a cabaret star and still an entertainment knockout, 

"Talkin about that pelvis boy again?" Calpurnia asked as Cecelia nodded,

"When isn't she. It's Elvis did this and Elvis that and-"

DING DONG

               DING DONG

"ELVIS IS AT THE DOOR. I'M NOT READY!" Cecelia shouted, running upstairs, as her grandmother laughed, "If I didn't know any, better. I'd think they were dating." She mumbled as she walked towards the door. Elvis had a nice suit jacket and black slacks. His loafers and a bouquet of red roses in his hand. After all, he wanted to make a strong impression on her mother. It wasn't because she was a big name in the industry. She was the mother of his girlfriend, who was slowly secretly moving into Graceland. When the door opened, he was expecting Denise. Instead, it was, 

"Well, aren'tcha you cuter in person. Come on in." Her northern accent was strong. 

"Thank you, Ma'am." Elvis smiled as Calpurnia looked at him. She could see why her granddaughter was obsessed with him. Those pretty long eyelashes, his eyes, and his dimples, she was smitten, 

"Please call me Mrs. Valmos," Calpurnia winked, 

"Wait, this is..."

"My mansion." She winked, "Long ago, I was Betty Va Va." Walking by a portrait of herself from the 1920s, Elvis admired it as he saw the similarities between her and Cecelia, "Of course, when your mothers a devoted preacher wife, you get rid of the vava and keep Betty," on the wall were platinum records and gold ones, he'd have thought that Cecelia's grandmother was the queen of the big bands Betty Valmos, but he nodded and reveled in her greatness, 

"Going on about your glory days, Mother," Denise asked as she then saw Elvis. He was still holding tight to the roses, and he nearly froze. He was standing in front of his mother's favorite jazz artist, Denise Valmos,

 "Hello, young man..."

"S-S-Sorry, I'm uh Elvis Presley, Ma'am." God, where was Cecelia. He was trembling in his loafers right now, 

"Ma'am makes me feel old, call me Ms. Valmos." Denise glanced at him. He was cute, tall, dark, and handsome. And he reminded her of Sinatra when she and him were both young. She could see why Cecelia was a fanatic, 

"I-I got these for you. Cecelia said red was your favorite color." 

"They're lovely, I'll put them in a vase and send for Cecelia." Her Philadelphian accent was strong, but it was classy, 

"Of course, Ms. Valmos," He nodded, sitting in the living room, looking at the chandelier. There were pictures on the fireplace mantel of Cecelia, her mother, and her father, then of just her mother and her. He felt sorrowful for her. But he knew life was different for everyone.

"Cecelia, what'stakin' you long!" Denise knocked at the door. As Calpurnia chuckled. "She's getting pretty for that boy."

"Or kissing that damn poster..." Denise sighed. Cecelia was on her tippytoes as she left a deep red print on her Elvis poster. When she finished, she flattened out her red gingham dress, wiggled her petticoat, and walked downstairs. 

"Don't you look like a cute picnic tablecloth?" Calpurnia chuckled,

"Glammy..." Cecelia glanced at her,

"What push comes to shove. It's one way to get him on top of you. I mean, hey, men like food," She shrugged as Denise was red in the face.

"Must you be vulgar!"

"Must you keep tryin to shelter your 22-year-old child?" Calpurnia walked past her. Cecelia walked down the steps, she saw Elvis leaning on the couch, comfortable with his legs open, 

"Careful, you'll pinch a nerve," Calpurnia mumbled,

"Mr. Presley..." Denise said as he stood up, helping her down the stairs, then Calpurnia and then his precious Cecelia, who he couldn't help but stare at, sneaking a kiss on her wrist as she giggled,

 "You look beautiful..."

"Thank your ho- Mr. Presley," She blushed, the pair walking to the kitchen. There was an array of food on the table, honey biscuits, steak, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, greens, and more, Elvis felt like he was in heaven,

"So blue eyes..." Calpurnia said,

"ma'am?"

"How's a boy like you not married. I mean, if I were your age, I'd-"

"Mother!" Denise nudged her as Calpurnia laughed. Elvis laughed at the flattery, "I'm just saying, Denise, have you seen his hips move." Calpurnia said between eating, "There's a lot more they can do..." Cecelia mumbled as Elvis was a beating bright red,

 "I-I'm glad someone enjoys my dancin." He was flustered, but he loved it, 

"Forgive her, she's 65." Denise laughed,

"Not a problem at all," He laughed as Cecelia drank her lemonade. Elvis held her hand as Calpurnia noticed. She knew something was up.

"So, I heard you bought a mansion in Memphis?" Denise said, cutting her steak as Cecelia sighed, "I assume you plan to have parties and whatnot in it." 

"Oh no, Ms. Valmos, Nothin like that. My family mostly lives with me,includin my parents." He smiled as she nodded, "There's a special girl in mind I've got movin in me with me, but parties, not too many." Elvis flinched when he felt Cecelia kick his thigh under the table,

"So you're traditional?" Calpurnia asked,

"Yes, Ma'am." He smiled,

"God-fearing too, I suppose?"

"He's always reading his bible, and if he's not, then he's quoting scripture," Cecelia added, their eyes meeting as Denise and Calpurnia looked at each other, some friends they must've been. 

"Good, Good, pastors run in our family, and singers," Denise said

"Really?" Elvis was happy to hear that.

"Yes, which makes me wonder. You probably are a firm believer in no sex before marriage." Calpurnia said, grabbing another biscuit, Elvis got quiet, and Cecelia laughed, 

"I mean, my granddaughter has been raised to be untouched until then, and she will remain untouched, correct,"

Cecelia was sweating bullets as Elvis was laughing at her now. 

"This dinner is amazing, don't you think so Elvis."

"Y-Yeah, love the plates, delicious." He smiled,

"You two are still virgins, aren't you..." Calpurnia asked as even Denise was intrigued, "Glammy, this is dinner... it's rude and unjust to ask such a thing." Her voice went up an octave,

"You know these greens and this here steak is amazin." Elvis smiled, "Y'all should try the uh-uh honey rolls, so good you could make love to 'em- WHich I've never done!" Elvis was so embarrassed he didn't know what he was saying. All Cecelia wanted to do was pass away at the very moment. Denise couldn't help but laugh at his response as Cecelia was still sweating, 

"You know Elvis and I are workin in a movie together soon!" she blurted out as the room fell silent. For once, it felt great, 

As the night progressed from its awkward start, Elvis learned that Cecelia was surrounded by love, a slightly strict mother and manager, but love, 

"I'm so sorry about tonight. I-I didn't think she'd ask something like that or the many weird questions or-" Elvis pulled her close as he gave her a tender, passionate kiss. Cecelia kissed back with the same passion, her fingers in his hair, and her eyes closed. She didn't want to watch him leave out the driveway, but she knew she'd see him later on tonight in her room, next to his.

"Honey, your family is lovely, and one day I'll marry into it." He kissed her again, not noticing the door opening, 

"Uh-huh... I knew it.."

"Glammy!? How much did you hear?"

"Everything," Calpurnia said, dressed in her night gown, "So, I assume I'll be covering for you tonight." Elvis and Cecelia blushed, 

"Glammy, you mean you-"

"Mhmm, you two gone on home, I'll handle the rest." She winked, watching her granddaughter leave out with Elvis.

"Mother where's Cece?"

"She went to rehearse with Elvis..."

[gracegrove]

Wounding Care *Fic Preview*

tw cursing, racism, past parent-child abuse, aging parent, dementia

It's present day, Neil is in his 80s. Billy is in his 50s.

Billy pulled into a slot at the Daylily Skilled Nursing facility and killed the engine. Picking at his lower lip he remained in the car, blankly staring out the windshield. God, he wished he had a cigarette right now, but he'd kicked the habit years ago. Eyeing the time on his watch, he sighed and pulled the keys from the ignition, opening the door. There was no getting around it. Going now was no better than going later.

Walking in, Billy smiled and signed in at the front desk. "Hello again Mr. Hargrove." The employee behind the desk greeted, "How've you been?" "It's Billy, remember?" he gently chided them as he rolled the title uncomfortably off his shoulders. "I'm fine. Where's the old man?" Billy asked, setting down the pen. The greeter checked their watch, "He might be in the day room. I think Cynthia was playing a few rounds of Gin Rummy with him not too long ago." Billy gave the desk a small pat and thanked them before heading off.

Walking into the large day room, Billy looked around. There were a handful of visitors. Children and grandbabies visiting. Residents were sitting with one another and having small conversations or playing cards or dominoes games. But he wasn't there. Billy sighed and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and continued off down the hallways toward the resident's rooms. 133... 135... 136. The sound of the television could be heard from the hallway and a rough voice calling out after it.

Coming to rest in the doorway, Billy breathed in, watching the scene before him. At the edge of his recliner, the old man shook his fist at the LED screen TV on the wall. "How the hell could you miss that pass! Are you blind?" The game on-screen was old, one even Billy couldn't remember, and his father had games on all the time. "Who's playing?" Billy asked with a casual, but sound wrap of his knuckles on the open door. The man looked over at Billy suspiciously before answering. "Raiders... Bengals. '74." As Billy entered further into the room, the man's expression softened. "Oh, it's you. Well c'mon..." He impatiently waved a hand at Billy, "Sit down before you miss it. Stabler's really handing it to 'em."

Billy sunk down into the overstuffed armchair next to this man. His eyes wandered over that wrinkled face, the peppered mustache waggling back and forth, the brightness still in his eyes. Neil Hargrove. Billy sat and stared. Wondered to himself how he could ever get this close to this man. How things had changed so drastically over the years between them. How really everything had changed. "What's the matter?" Neil asked in concern, catching his eyes. Billy looked away reflexively, "Nothing."

Neil looked past Billy's shoulder at the hallway, voices catching his attention. A teen boy was passing by, his grandmother on his arm as they happily chatted and disappeared from view. Neil sighed, his shoulders drooping as he sunk back into his recliner, a sour expression creeping onto his lips. "What's wrong?" Billy asked, noticing the change. Neil shrugged, "I dunno, I guess I was hoping my son would visit." His eyes flitted to the doorway, "Don't know why. He never visits. Too damn busy." A stone sunk in Billy's gut as he turned his gaze back on the television.

Neil smiled fondly, patting Billy's hand, "You're a good friend Frank. No one else comes to see me. Just you."

[callixton]

Ooooh how about 🎭💔🧸🎶 for barba and/or bobby??? Noone gets these guys the way you do.

omg that's such a compliment <3 i will do both of them

barba

🎭(a headcanon about what they lie about) - honestly i would not put it past him to preserve his private life by just making shit up. as he got to know the squad better, it stopped mattering so much, but it's become a bit of a game that only he knows about. it's also usually so innocuous that no one would even bother to check - someone asks him what he's doing this weekend? he's going to that string trio performing at the lincoln center. (he has actually set aside time to read the latest pulp thriller he got from the library while eating too much take out and he is not going to be disturbed.)

💔(an angsty headcanon) - rafael deals with depression and self-hatred frequently, but it rarely/never comes in the form of suicidal ideation, so he dismisses how serious it is. it's why he throws himself into work so wholly; at least if he's helping people, he can justify his existence. it also means he's too busy to have time to think about all of the problems he's ignoring.

🧸(a headcanon about their childhood) - oh there's so much i could say. well i don't think it was Good. but for a shotgun-blast-let's-see-what-we-hit of childhood hcs..... he spent every sunday with his grandmother, and almost all of his happiest memories are around her kitchen table. this is alluded to in october surprise but this kid got in FIGHTS oh my god he could not keep his mouth shut. thank god for eddie or he would have had his shit kicked in so fast. sorry to make this sad too but he dealt with the same problem at home with his dad, and eddie wasn't there to protect him. he read voraciously but almost exclusively in private; he wanted people to know he was smart, but he didn't want to get made fun of. he tried exactly one basketball summer camp before realizing he was too short and scrawny to compete.

🎶(a headcanon about music) - not to let actor bleed influence this too much, but i do think barba probably takes after raúl when it comes to music taste; i think "the music he loves best is the Cuban songs he learned from his grandmother." that said, other artists that i associate with him: frank ocean, bruce springsteen & 80s ballads

bobby

🎭- unfortunately bobby is lying to himself at basically all times as a baseline and therefore incidentally to the people around him. but for something more specific, i think he lies about how quickly he gets drunk. he doesn't like actually giving up control over himself and what he says, but he does like the social justification of being able to relax and open up, so he meets it somewhere in the middle and lets everyone else think he's gone before he actually is. it's pretty rare that his friends see through this, which both suits him fine and makes him lonelier.

💔- oh baby. well. tbh it's kind of hard for me to find a headcanon bc so much of what i consider heartbreaking about his character is very much text. However. i do like to play with the idea of his first encounter with a guy in college going so poorly that it contributes to him shoving his sexuality deep down and the subsequent repression we see in show. which is so sad for him bc he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't questioning right like. it might not have been an answer he liked but even that would have been an answer. and then he is just so completely in his head (and he's not even Into the other guy he just offered) that the whole thing goes terribly and he feels so broken bc if he's not gay then what is Wrong with him that he feels like this. (he does discover, some ten-odd years later, that he doesn't mind sleeping with men as much as he thought, but he's spent such a long time of convincing himself that it's not for him that it takes a Lot of pressure to break through that worldview)

🧸- did not have many friends :( on the one hand he really didn't mind that much bc he was absolutely the sort of kid who enjoyed playing on his own, but on the other hand that isolation of not feeling like there's anyone who understands him set in early. he was set up on lots of playdates by his parents where neither kid wanted to be there. he was an observer and a listener though. sooo much of the personality he presents over the years is drawn from copying the behaviors of people he likes.

🎶- this is such a good question bc his character playlist is So fully music i think about him to, not like. songs i think he would listen to. i don't actually think he seeks out music that often? i think he likes the noise of the city and whatever's playing on the radio; it makes him feel more connected to everything in an indirect way. if i had to choose a band i'm weirdly getting they might be giants. that said if he ever really listened to conan gray or mitski it would be so over for him.

[misiahasahardname]

How would you rate your holidays this year?

they were great actually!!!

i was able to spend a lot more time actually interacting with my family than when i was there in november, and i was a lot less awkward which was a win!

i saw inside out 2 in theaters with my aunt which not only am i proud of because it helped me get over my fear of cinemas, but also paralleled when i saw inside out 1 in theaters with that same aunt!!! (didn't see it with the same cousin tho but idm)

i went to ustroń which wasn't as great as i remember it being BUT i was able to cross the czech border which was awesome!!! plus my brother wouldn't stop barging into my room in the hotel to watch tv so i got to hear a lot of czech cartoons... the language is so strange to listen to as a pole, because most of the words are so similar and yet so confusing... love that there's a kids tv channel that's called [] :D !! that's very silly, thank you czechia!!

my Polish skills actually improved a lot to the point where i actually noticed it!! i've decided i'm going to get into more Polish media and watch the Polish dubs for more things to get even better! (maybe i should actually get to reading the witcher since i have a copy...)

i visited the galeria katowicka for the first time and got a bag i had always wanted to get at flying tiger (they had SO much cool stuff in there when i went, i really wanted to get this spaceship lamp but it's like a lava lamp and i didn't think i'd be allowed to bring that in an airport)

I GOT MY YOUNGER COUSIN INTO TMNT!!!!! i watched the rise movie with him and he really liked it, and, when we went to a shopping center with my mum's friend (who came to visit our part of poland just to attend mum's 50th birthday party) he actually decided to buy himself a mutant mayhem leo figure!!! (idk why leo was the only one for sale but hey he's cool so whatever). also he really likes my mutant mayhem mikey plush i brought along and whenever he would pick it up he'd say "mikey!! :D" in this cute voice (god i love this silly kid). (i also showed him a clip of the tmnt 2012 french dub i had on my phone and he kept referencing it lol)

my mum had her 50th birthday at this cool resteraunt which was fun!! my aunt and uncle (unfortunately not the cousins) from france came especially for this which was AWESOME because i love those guys, and, as i mentioned before, my mum's friend came over too which is super awesome!! i think most of my family think they're dating... tbf i thought this too but i have a strange perception of how romance looks so. shrugging emoticon

i got to read some letters my great grandfather wrote to my great grandmother when she was in the hospital after giving birth! he always referred to her with this cute nickname which is very sweet... there was one letter i found particularly funny because i think my grandma interrupted my great grandad when writing to tell great grandma that she got a LOT of sweets from the easter bunny and is saving her some chocolate (she even wrote it on the back, too!). there were these strange stains on the letters which are either blood or something grosser but whatever. i was also allowed to bring home a photo of my mum and my aunt when they were kids (it was a photo taken when my aunt was about to(?) have her communion which explains the dress)

i did a bunch of other cool stuff which made these holidays really great!!

unfortunately, the holidays weren't perfect... especially the travelling which is strange because usually it's a really fun part of the holidays. (the trip back home was the WORST. so bad that my mum told my brother he would never travel with us again...)

honestly my brother ruined a few things for me. he stole some really nice childhood photos my grandparents had on display because he didn't like them, he got like, really physically abusive, and generally he just ruined the vibe for everyone. but i won't let that ruin my family time!

overall the holiday gets an 8.5/10!! had a great time but my brother knocks it down a few points

sorry for the long ramble lol

[air3d3lalm3na]

I opened up to an aunt about mom's health and my confusion about some aspects of it. I got intimate with expressing a doubt as to whether the reality of the situation matched what mom said (maybe due to dissociation and severe trauma, though I didn't say those words out loud) -- because there are inconsistencies and it's confusing me. she was definitely sick, but maybe not always honest about the details. i feel mindfucked because of this. i felt safe enough to be vulnerable enough to express doubt about the closest person in my life! a serious act!

And this nasty WITCH decides to spite my mother's memory. ON DAY TWO OF MY MOURNING. By bringing up the WORST stage of my mother's life...THIRTY YEARS AGO. When she was struggling with substance abuse and hurt some people. And afterward, made amends and spent those decades sober!

When I stood up for myself, she got snide and called me "darling" and shit and DOUBLED DOWN on the nasty message, insisting that my mother could NOT have been a good role model to me. You knew her at her worst...I knew her sober and kind. Ironically, just from this alone, I would hate to have this woman for a role model. I guess thank god she doesn't have kids. I would hate to have asked to move in with her and been turned down so cruelly.

All this because I had to ask for her to cosign a loan so I could pay for the burial. And she SMACKED me down with "ur mom was a scammer 30 yrs ago, when she used, she scammed some people".

you do this to someone's grieving kid. literally.

demon behavior. two faced!

fuck!

i'm not a clone of that former-self of someone you knew, to take out some freaky, sadistic, bitter verbal revenge on. i'm a person who is hurting. and she STILL couldn't apologize or restrain herself after I wrote careful, thoughtful replies telling her why it wasn't cool and about the reality of the long-sober person she was judging. and about my hurt. Still doubled down on it anyway.

meanwhile, i got incredible kindness from a friend of my grandmother. thank GOD i experienced that at the same time as the other conversation, to balance out the pessimism and sadness. I NEED to have hope and believe in the goodness of people. She is reaching out to me with love. I am accepting it. I am trying so hard to stay mentally clear. I will accept whatever help she can give and try to remember the good in life. that's what my best, kindest family members, now passed away, would have wanted. and she told me how much i am like them, and that's an honor for me.

[khodorkovskaya]

14.07.23

watched my mum's homevideos yesterday and omg

maybe my grandparents did love each other, despite what my grandma claims..? bc every day she's like "thank god i don't have a man" or "my retirement wouldve been miserable if he was still alive". but they looked so happy in those videos! idk i feel like everyone's been super unfair to my grandpa bc he was ill by the end of his life and it was literally not his fault he went crazy like he had a medical problem. yes, okay, he did try to kill my grandma and my auntie with an axe, but it's sad that it's the only thing he's remembered for! and i don't think he was an alcoholic like my grandma claims. on all videos they took shots together and my mum said that he never drank in the house. i think he was just depressed and homesick and no one loved him and that's why he was miserable by the end of his life. i would've definitely vibed with him, i know it!

but yeah the videos were mostly of lviv. and they made me homesick even tho ive never been to lviv. but seeing my greatgrandma and all of those distant relatives ive never met made me feel this kind of longing for a time ive never experienced. everyone was always smiling and laughing and they all looked so happy. and beautiful. and i love how back in the day women wore those little babushka headscarves, i want to start wearing one too.

it's a shame that there is no audio bc there are many videos of my greatgrandmother singing and my mum said that ukrainian singing is the most beautiful thing in the world. and i would've loved to hear it. it's sad to imagine that so many folk songs and traditions have probably been lost.

there was also a video of my other greatgrandma's funeral. she was married off to a man 10+ years her senior and had 10 children. she was illiterate. and she died at 68. i wonder what she was like.

and on the video you see all of her children. and now the only one left is my grandma, the rest have passed away long ago. both her sons went to jail, one of them commited suicide and the other killed his wife. the son of the one who killed his wife is on the videos too, there's a video of his wedding. he worked with khodorkovsky and fled to lithuania after the whole yukos case thing. he's in his 70s now.

another woman from the videos i would've loved to meet was auntie nadia. she looked so wonderful! my own auntie went to visit lviv for the first time in like 30 years in 2013. and she saw auntie nadia and she was like 76 and had trouble walking. i hope she's still alive. she looked so wonderful! she couldn't have children of her own, so she took care of all the neighbourhood kids and everyone loved her, she was so lovely.

but yeah, time is weird. it's even weird to think that my greatgrandmother had a name, you know? idk how to explain it, but we're so used to our ancestors just being our ancestors that it's weird to imagine that they had all these whole lives of their own with their own friends and ups and downs and memories and dreams. like my greatgrandmother was called pani yankevichova (no idea how that would be spelled in polish sorry) or anastasia grigorievna or maybe she even had a nickname, who knows. and my other greatgrandmother was called arina but apparently that wasn't russian enough so her passport name was irina. and her husband called her arisha. i wonder how she felt constantly being pregnant and living in poverty...

even my own grandma, i dont really know know her. like yes, she's my grandmother and we used to be very close before she got really old and started having memory issues. i used to call her every day when id come home from school, we would skype for hours, she was my best friend. but seeing her on those videos of when she was in her 30s is like wow who is that? and seeing all of them hanging out in lviv and singing and dancing and hugging each other and drinking together and omg there were some clips of them eating what i think is pierogi/pelmeni/vareniki..? everything is in black and white but yummmm. my mum always told me that her lviv grandma's food was delish. but yeah, i would've loved to time travel to meet all of them. </3

[daughter-of-sapph0]

You converted into Judaism I believe? I’ve occasionally considered converting (Haven’t looked into it yet), and am curious as to what led to your decision to convert

hi, thanks for asking. I started my conversion process around three years ago. it's been a rough process, but so far it's going well. as for why I decided, it's a long story. so I'll try my best to keep it short

I was raised catholic. my grandfather was Irish catholic, and raised my mother catholic. my father on the other hand was raised lutheran. you would think that would make their marriage extremely controversial, an Irish catholic woman marrying a protestant man. but it was actually really chill for both families. my dad was never really religious, but my mom was a devoted catholic who had us go to church and ccd every week, up until I went to middle school. I went to the tiniest private middle school in existence. there were 15 kids in all of eighth grade. the building was over 100 years old. it almost closed twice during my three years there. and honestly, it kinda sucked. so much that my two younger siblings both went to public middle schools to try and avoid the shit I went through.

since I went to a catholic private school, I was taught a fair amount of religious history alongside the basic middle school education. it wasn't the first thing that helped me open up to other religions, but being forced to study the history of other world religions was a big eye opener for me. I got confirmed in 8th grade, and then immediately stopped caring about religion. I was an atheist for most of my first two years of high school. I wasn't one of the annoying reddit atheists, I still respected other people's religions. I just didn't know what to believe in myself.

around this time I went through a major depression after my grandmother died, and struggled with my grades and suicidal thoughts. I got into twitter (which, let's be honest, is not the healthiest coping mechanism) and met a lot of friends who helped me discover myself. I eventually came out as transgender and my friends online and irl were super supportive. and a lot of my trans friends online were also Jewish. I started to learn more about their religion just from talking with them, and I actually found it really interesting. it wasn't anything like christianity. people were encouraged to question things and argue and debate.

it was a bit after a graduated high school when I started to think about whether or not I wanted to convert, and about a year later when I spoke to a local rabbi. I will be honest, the pandemic has made it extremely fucking difficult. mostly everything is online, and that makes it a huge pain. but I wouldn't be going through this huge tedious process of converting if I didn't know for certain that it is exactly what I want to do. I love Judaism. I love my Jewish friends. I love my religion. I love my own unique personal relationship that I have with god and myself. it's hard to even put into words. the same feeling I had when I came out as trans is the same feeling I have towards Judaism.

if you're considering converting, look into it first. it's a very difficult process. and that's intentional. Judaism is not a proselytizing religion. it's supposed to be a very hard and difficult process with lots of obstacles. you have to be 1000% sure that Judaism is the correct religion for you.

and that's where I'm at now. I sometimes say that I'm Jewish, but really I'm still in the process of converting. but based on how much I've learned and how much I've experienced, I'm more than certain that this is the religion for me.

[inkofamethyst]

March 8, 2023

No one would ever get this out of me irl but I very occasionally, at the peripheries of my thoughts wonder what might have been if I had agreed to go out with that guy from biochem. (Can you tell that Hadestown has had an effect? This is dizzying. Next thing you know I'm going to be begging to have a crush (but also I'm very picky about my crushes bc they can't be undergrads (lol tbf I'm only barely not an undergrad myself), they can't be in my department, and they have to be someone I see somewhat regularly (no passerby crushes)).) Because part of the reason I said no was fear and part of it was that I was in excruciating pain when we had that study date (mostly the fear though), and then there was also the whole being devastated about not getting to show off that solo that I worked really hard on. Bad vibes all around. But he wasn't a bad guy. I was just scared.

Even still, I can't seem to remember his name.

[edit, next day: I wrote the above last night and you would not believe the butterflies I got today when all I did was make eye contact with some (very attractive) dude before a class. Ridiculous. (I have the need to catch his eye again.) This is gonna be like bike-boy from junior year lol. Or the caving dude, also from junior year (literally who did I think I was, trying to go caving just to get close to a man??? Lowkey still wish I'd been able to get in on that trip, but alas).]

God, I really cannot dance. Was recently informed that alum from my undergrad uni would be restricted in their GDrive space so I went in and culled (will ultimately have to remove half of what I have stored) a bit. In early pandemic days there was some Broadway challenge (it was basically a big ad but it was fun and free (and very successful, incredibly marketed), so) where each week you'd have to take time to learn a song or dance or something and post it and I saved my dance video to my uni GDrive and it's AWFUL. Like the steps are all there, I can remember them (because I drilled it hard) but I'm so clunky lookin--it's dreadful. IT'S SO BADDD. (keep in mind it was newsies though so like it is bad but the choreo isn't helping either) But. If nothing else, I keep that smile on lock(down). I haven't watched any of the theatre tapes from high school but that doesn't make me excited to see them, beyond hating the recorded sound of me singing, bleh.

Found out what next year's stipend numbers are going to be and there's still literally no way I'd be able to make it work with my current savings rates (25% (also I'll be increasing my estimated taxes to 30% from 25%)) without help. It feels kind of weird to say this because I truly miss my grandmother so much like it's not even funny, but she's helping me so much right now.

Want to make a text-based, randomized, hunger-games-style battle royale game in python for my friends to play. In a different life, I think I could've been a game dev. Literally. Writing, music, computer science (I don't really do visual arts though). To be fair, like, there's nothing stopping me from trying. On the side, just for fun, coming up with minigames. I think I'd need to become like Brandon Sanderson though, where I relax by doing something (actually, now that I think about it, I'm not that far off, it's just that I don't have a ton of access to my favorite hobbies rn (music, sewing, etc)).

Today I'm thankful for how beautiful biology can be sometimes. I love how we find reflections of the same ideas at all levels!!! Recently I was thinking about multicellular organisms, and how they're just a bunch of different cell types that have different jobs with the goal of all working toward the greater good of staying alive together. And you don't just see this in things like animals! There are unicellular organisms that form colonies when times get tough, and they sometimes will even divide out work amongst themselves. And at the multi-organismal level, people banded together during those early days of covid to make sure the elderly were fed, that we were getting fitness classes, that we could see performances. And I know this is a basic idea in biology, but that doesn't stop it from being beautiful.

[edit: I finished all of my pre-spring break homework!!!! Let the breaking begin!!!!]

[heeheesang]

xoxo cupid crush

ep. 11

made up?

"hey, are you attending our performance later..?" juyeon asked as he came up to me beside my locker with changmin.

"i have to suppprt right? i wouldn't miss it for the world... how's class?" i asked as i accompanied them to their dance lesson.

it's been almost a month or so since i've left dance class and i've never been more focused in my studies. it's been lonely without sunwoo, i admit i kinda miss him, but it just makes me so annoyed whenever i see him.

"class is nothing without my co-chairman. promise you're coming later on?" changmin said, pouting and holding my hands. i nodded and smiled at the way his dimples showed, "of course, changmin. i promise."

"how's things between you and the sun?" juyeon asked as they both started practicing for their dance.

"i've never talked to since since that day, i just can't bare to see him. even in classes."

"he talks about you, you know? he cried to me, talking about how he misses you and how he shouldn't have done this and done that." juyeon agreed to whatever changmin had said.

"doesn't look like it in class! he's having a fun time talking to yubin everytime and distracting the whole class."

"jealous?" yubin suddenly came out of nowhere and we all rolled our eyes, just when i thoight i escaped her.

"why would i be? just know that if you break sunwoo's heart or anything, you're dead meat. i may not be talking to him but if i see him crying, i'm coming after you." i threatened her.

"i'll see you guys tonight, all the best for your performance ju, min." i bid my goodbyes before heading back home to rest and change.

i put on my headphones and played my favourite song, putting it on the loudest volume and scrolling through instagram while waiting for the traffic light to turn green. a post of sunwoo and yubin popped up... wow they're really close...

once the green light flashed from the reflection of my phone, i crossed the street but was pulled back onto the side walk by someone and a car zoomed past me. i took my headphones off, getting ready to thank the person.

"be more careful next time..." his voice rang in my ears before i could even turn around.

i was going to walk off when he pulled me back again, "yeongji... can we please talk..?"

"i'm sorry do i know you? if i don't, then there's nothing to talk about."

"yeongji, c'mon.."

"i have to go."

with that, i ran off home with tears brimming at my eyes. why did i say that? i didn't mean to say that... was that too mean? i mean, he should've seen it coming right..? once i got hoem, i started changing immediately.

i was wearing a vintage white dress given to me by my grandmother and a black shoulder bag. we all met outside the school gates and walked to the auditorium together, getting a few drinks and getting a table.

"yeongji..?! haerim..?! yujin..?! oh my god! you look so good!" juyeon and changmin complimented and we got shy, "thank you~ you both look great as well. where's sunny?"

"i'm here!! you look so good yeongji!! juyeon, help us take a picture!" sunny pulled me off my chair and posed with us as we took the picture. i was going to go back to my seat when i felt something cold with my back.

"oh gosh! i'm so sorry~ i must've tripped~"

oh my fucking god.

"oh my— fucking god. you did not."

"i said sorry~" yubin smirked and fist bumped her little minions.

"you little motherfucker, i'll show you what's sorry!" i was about to punch her but almost everyone was looking at us so i held it back. plus, i was wearing a dress and she wasn't.

"what? can't throw a punch? how about another?" she took her friend's cup and dunked it on my head, the liquid was rather thick. it was fucking syrup.

"oh? you gonna cry? what about this?!" she took out a bleach bottle and was going to throw it at me when someone held her back.

"yubin!" sunwoo yelled in her ear and the girls ran to my sides immediately upon hearing sunwoo's scream.

"sunwoo... i... i can explain!"

"there's nothing to fucking explain. i thought you changed. you said you would stop messing around with my friends and i after you got that dance spot."

"she threw water at me!"

"you fucking bitch... you're not even wet!" haerim was going to rip her hair off but yujin and i held her back, we all know how feral haerim can go after taking those taekwando lessons...

"apologise to yeongji."

"no, what the fuck?? she deserves it! you should be with me! not some slut like her!"

"what the fuck, did you call me?" i asked, grabbing a cup full of peach tea from the side and pouring it over her head, "a fucking slut..? you say?"

"you bitch." she threw a punch and sunwoo pulled her back by her hair.

"i didn't even fucking care about you, i thought you really changed. now fuck off my friends and i before i rip your wig off."

the crowd gasped, a wig?! she quickly ran off with her minions and sunwoo went towards me, i took a step back. he quickly grabbed my chin and gently pushed my head to turn and looked at the bruise from the punch, "c'mon, i'll help you."

i was holding on to yujin and haerim but they pretended i wasn't holding them and let my hand go, letting sunwoo have more advantage. but when i didn't move from a spot for quite some time, he picked me off my feet and carried me bridal style to the first aid room.

"ouch.." i winced when he pressed a cold pack onto the bruise.

"i'm sorry, yeongji..."

i kept quiet.

"she made me... 'kick' you off the team and we had a deal. if she got the spot, she would leave us alone but clearly... she didn't. i really missed talking to you, i missed hugging you, gossiping with you, studying with you, and even sitting next to you in classes." he said as he checked my arm for any other bruise.

"i know." i said, wincing when he accidentally pressed too hard.

"changmin and juyeon told me, you cried about me." he cursed under his breath and let out a small laugh before agreeing.

"let's make a deal. no more making new suspicious friends and let's stay together. like we always did," sunwoo said and i agreed, we sat down for an hour talking about whatever and he waited for me outside the ladies room to clean off my hair. he even gave me his jacket to cover the back stain of my dress.

"i missed you so much."

"me too."

ep. 10 | ep. 12

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