#tf2 animal handler

[ylw-animal-handler]

Hello, Mr. Astor! May I ask you to kiss your favourite person? I know it's weird asking you that, and especially since you're always so irritated, but I wanna know if a person like you have a favourite person!

(Doesn't have to be, like, a lip-kiss, it could be any type of kiss you prefer!)

--Kay, The A.N Office

@news-spreading-anon

(Gonna be honest... this has been in my inbox since forever. I was waiting on a friend @iaminyourbones to make a blog for the oc Astor would canonically have a crush on but they never made the blog sooo)

*he sighs deeply and thinks for a moment*

Yes I do have a favourite person. They're the one person that dosnt make me want to ram 9 inch nails into my skull.

No I will not be kissing them though. That's inappropriate in the workplace.

[red-animal-handler]

Opinion on teammates and who helped you the most

*throws a stray kitten at you and runs away while back flipping furiously*

@back-flipping-anon (anon back from vacation)

Oh. Okay so

Scout is uh... annoyin' ta' say the least. He has a bit of an ego.

Soldier is cool, he lands me some raccoons sometimes... though I have no clue where he gets 'em from.

Medic... keeps stealing my animals for medical experimentation... I don't like the guy.

Spy is an asshole.

Pyro is the most manageable merc on our team. I don't mind the guy, though he's hard to understand sometimes.

Demoman is alright.. he just smell's quite strongly if alcohol which hurts some of the animals noses so he's not allowed in the shelter.

Heavy is a good lad, made me a sandvich once.

Sniper smells of piss and is a recluse so I barely see him ever. When I do though he's a prick.

Engineer isn't that bad, I don't really talk to him much though.

Trapper is my best mate, he's probably helped me through the most.

The tracker is everythin' I've ever dreamed of... she's sweet and kind, and pretty... and she loves me.

Janitor is a bit grumpy to be honest...

Thanks for the kitten :) looks a bit hungry...

*starts to prepare some food for it*

[ylw-animal-handler]

Hamburbur

[ylw-animal-handler]

hug?

*sigh*

Why? Why me? Ask anyone else. I have work to do

[ylw-animal-handler]

The fuck you looking at?

[ylw-animal-handler]

PISS ANIMAL HANDLER

*sigh*

Great... another nickname.

[ylw-animal-handler]

Do you have that bad of an eye sight? Also, favorite animal to take care of

*takes your glasses and runs away while back flipping furiously*

@back-flipping-anon

Yes my eyesight is quite bad.

Favourite animal? I think dogs are the least annoying to train so probably those..

Give them back asshole!

[ylw-animal-handler]

... please just go away. I have work to do.

[ylw-animal-handler]

got any grapes? :3

...No. No I do not.

[ylw-animal-handler]

Hi ther- OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY!? Geezus, what happened!?

I-I was just passing by until I heard screaming

@operator-on-ylw

*he looks up at them blood dripping from his mouth and a large deep scratch on his face*

DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE IM OKAY??

*he takes a few more shaky breaths and looks at the operator*

WELL DONT JUST FUCKING STAND THERE, HELP GODDAMN IT!!

[ylw-animal-handler]

*screaming and clattering is heard from the animal shelter. At first it's annoyed yells but they eventually get louder and louder until they morph into pained screams.*

Shit... this ain't good...

*Astor stumbles out of the shelter bleeding and shaking. His hand tightly pressing the wound deep in his side*

FUCK, SOMEONE HELP!!

[ylw-animal-handler]

*Give you a python* can u take carr of him?? I gotta go to the store

*sighs*

Fine. At least this is somewhat work related.

*he takes the python and places it in and enclosure by itself giving it some essentials like food and water*

[ylw-animal-handler]

is everyone on YLW as rude as you?

Oh aren't you a ray of sunshine.

Short answer no, and I'm not rude, I'm just tired.

[ylw-animal-handler]

do you want a calculator. perchance. it's TI if that matters

— @conductor-on-grn

Answer me this, why the hell would I need a calculator Ray?

Go give it to some math nerd.

[ylw-animal-handler]

have u been mpregged 🫃

No.

Fuck why do I even bother with these ask things? They're takin' time away from work and they're not even serious