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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 1 year

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Prettiest One

Summary: Dean's leg is broken and they've given him lots of morphine for the pain. What secrets will he reveal to Y/N?

Warnings/Explicit 18+: None. Bit of Dean crack. Silly, drugged up Dean. Soft!Dean. Adorable!Dean. Lots of fluff. And a kiss.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 1,339

A/N: So, I saw this post and was reminded just how much I love this scene. Dean saying, "Hey look! Monster broke my leg." Is one my favourite Dean lines - it's just so ridiculously adorable.

So, it got me thinking what would have happened if the woman Dean was crushing on, came in when he was vulnerable and not all there. Thus this idea was born. Wrote this fast, sorry for any mistakes. 😊

The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89.

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Y/N hurried through the long hospital corridors, ignoring the antiseptic smells and the incessant beeps and soft conversations happening around her. She just wanted to see Dean and make sure that he was alright. Sam had texted her to say Dean was injured on a hunt, but that he was recovering.

Y/N texted back that she was on her way. Sam called her then, to reassure her that everything was fine; it was just a broken leg, and she didn't have to make the three hour drive to the Chicago hospital Dean was in.

But Y/N had ignored that advice, determined to be of some help to the boys if they needed her. If Dean was gonna be out of commission for a couple months, Sam might need an interim partner.

That's what she told herself and what she planned to tell the boys. But the truth was, she just needed to verify, with her own eyes, that Dean was okay. He's my friend - I just care about my friends. She thought defensively, ignoring the little voice that was insisting that it was much more than friendly concern she felt for Dean Winchester.

She rounded the corner of his unit and approached the nurses station. The harried nurse behind the desk looked up at her and Y/N smiled.

"Ace Frehley?" She asked, using the alias Sam told her Dean was going by for this hospital stay.

The nurse pointed down the hall. "615." She said before picking up a ringing telephone.

Y/N walked down to the room and knocked quietly on the partially open door, not wanting to disturb Dean if he was sleeping, but just as she was pushing the door open she heard Dean loudly proclaiming his opinion on…Batman?

"Nnnn no no no, Sammy I'm telling you that’s wrong. Cause…cause, how? Ya know, how does Joker even stand a chance against Batman? Like, he's just a guy with, like…a face! Ya know?"

"Sure, Dean." Sam said, clearly placating his brother.

But Dean wasn't listening anyway. "But Batman has the…the bats, and bat…things! The…you know…" He mimed something that looked like he was throwing an object. "You know?" He asked Sam again.

"Uh huh." Sam said clearly exasperated and mostly ignoring his brother’s ramblings..

"Hey!" Y/N said gently and Sam turned in his chair.

He stood up and gave her a hug. "Y/N! Hey! I told you you didn't have to come."

Before Y/N could respond Dean caught her eye and winked at her.

"Hey, Dean! How are you feeling?"

He looked down at his leg covered in a cast from the middle of his thick thigh to the bottom of his foot.

"Monster broke my leg." He said solemnly. "But they gave me lots of morphine."

"Did they?” Y/N glanced back at Sam as she approached the head of Dean's bed. “How much morphine?"

"Lots." Sam mouthed back.

Y/N stifled a smile as she sat in a chair beside the bed and Dean's face lit up.

"You look like the prettiest one." He said, with a sloppy smile.

Y/N smiled quizzically. "The prettiest one of?"

"The hunters." He nodded, and then raised his finger to his lips. "Not supposed to talk about it."

"Hunting?" She asked.

Dean shook his head firmly. "No, the prettiest one."

Y/N looked back at Sam for an explanation, but he just shrugged. "Sorry, I'm not very fluent in Stoned Dean."

Dean grabbed Y/N's wrist and shook it to get her attention back on him. "No, but she looks just like you. The same eyes, and flowy hair, and the mouth I like." He sighed deeply. "I just wanna kiss her."

He flopped back onto his pillows like a lovesick schoolgirl and Y/N could feel herself blushing.

"Ah…Dean?" Sam started to warn him, but Dean looked back at Y/N and grabbed her hand again.

"You look like her, will you give her a message?"

"Um…"

"Her name is Y/N. Tell her she's the prettiest one. And I want to kiss her." He snapped his fingers. "Ooh, and tell her I'm a good kisser. Look!"

Before Y/N could blink Dean yanked her forward across his chest and planted his lips on hers. Sam jumped forward and pulled Y/N out of his brother's grip, but not before Dean proved that, stoned or not, he really was (as she'd always suspected) a very good kisser.

"Jesus, Dean." Sam said, rolling his eyes. "Would you sober up? This is Y/N you idiot! She's just here to see how you're doing. Could you stop groping her?"

Y/N bit into her lip as some semblance of realization seemed to dawn on Dean's face. "Oh shit! You ARE the prettiest one! You're here! Can you say sorry!! For the other kissing. I only wanna kiss you."

Y/N stifled a laugh behind her hand as Sam slapped a hand across his face, "Oh, for fucks sake.." he mumbled.

But Dean's face was so sweetly concerned, he looked like a little boy who was worried he was in trouble.

She sat beside him on the bed, facing him. She leaned forward and kissed him softly and briefly. "Don't worry, Dean. The pretty one is very flattered and just fine with the kisses." She leaned a bit closer. "The pretty one would actually really like to continue the kisses when you're…feeling better."

Dean shook his head. "No, not the pretty one. The PRETTIEST one." He clarified.

Y/N nodded with a blush. Dean waved her forward conspiratorially. She came close and he whispered in her ear.

"I think maybe it's you." His voice was soft, but low and in spite of his loopiness Y/N felt her stomach tighten in response.

She pulled back and his face was so beautiful and adorable at the same time that she couldn't help booping his freckled nose.

"Actually, I think the prettiest one might be you."

Sam cleared his throat and grabbed up his jacket from the back of his chair. "And I'm gone." He said, grinning. "Call me when he's normal again. I'm definitely gonna wanna bust his balls over this one."

Y/N nodded, smiling wide. "Will do."

She spent the next hour or so having nonsensical conversations about Batman, Thunder Cats, The Golden Girls and Dr. Sexy, M.D.

Finally Dean dozed off in the middle of a sentence and Y/N smiled tenderly and gently covered him with his blanket. She stretched out alongside him in the bed, and was soon dozing too.

She woke up a while later to a groan from Dean. She sat up quickly to see what was wrong. He was rubbing his eyes and then dragged his hand down over his mouth before giving her a slightly suspicious look.

"Did I…" He closed his eyes. "Did I kiss you and call you pretty?"

Y/N grinned. "Actually, you said I was the prettiest one."

Dean closed his eyes and nodded. "Dear God.” He said under his breath. “Sorry! They gave me a lot of morphine. Is there any chance you could forget that?"

When she didn't answer immediately, he cracked open one eye to see her biting her lip.

"Do you really want me to forget? Was it just morphine-induced insanity? Or…?"

She let the question hang there and Dean took a long time before he breathed out deeply and answered.

"Fuck it. No, it wasn't morphine induced. I mean, it was, obviously. I don't remember everything I said, but I promise you that's not the way I wanted to tell you that you're beautiful, and that I can't get you out of my head. But…

He slipped his hand into her hair to grip the back of her head and pull her close. "You're beautiful," he whispered against her lips, "and I can't get you out of my head."

Y/N shrugged. "Then don't try."

Dean smiled into the kiss. "Whatever you say, Prettiest One."

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @nt-multi-fandom @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester

2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @saikosheadcanons @lgranger67 @carryonwaywardgirl

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @sunshineandwings86 @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @awkward-and-indecisive @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @b3autyfuldisast3r @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @mysherlock221b @jensensgotyoudean @stixnstripesworld @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @norman1967 @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @b-i-t-c-h-i-e @twirpbunwarrior @mysweetlittledesire @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous

#dean winchester #dean x y/n #dean x reader #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester crack

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cry4mina · 6 months

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Take Me Back To Eden - Aqua Regia (Part 3)

(Nayeon x fem!reader)

Take Me Back To Eden - Choke Hold - Part 1

Take Me Back To Eden - Granite - Part 2

Word Count: 5.1k Angst/More Angst/Angry Fluff/A secret fourth thing? Summary: Reader has the name of the person who wrote the note and decides it's time to let the culprits know how they feel. TW: Mentions of drinking, confrontations, trapped in a small space, sitting in the rain, mentions of food, intimate moments sprinkled in there (Not sex, but like something you'd only do with your partner, if that makes sense??). Reader is half way on a war path, but is overwhelmed by their own emotions, lost of confusion. Let me know if I missed anything! A/N: WELP, this is the end of my first series. I do really appreciate all of the support shown and I look forward to posting more content for everyone in the future! If you haven't read the first two parts of this, they are linked above the word count! Thank you for reading<3

***after hearing feedback from everyone this will NOT be the end of this series! Stay tuned****

Reminder: My asks/requests and DMs are always open!

You stare at the screen of your phone in absolute disbelief as you read the singular name texted to you. Blood boils through your skin as your fear turns to anger.

The phone starts vibrating in your hand as Nayeon calls trying to get a hold of you again. You throw your phone across the room in a fit of rage. It continues to vibrate against the floor, refusing your want for silence.

You are dumbstruck and livid, fighting the water that threatens to fall from your eyes. Your feet are flat on the floor, elbows resting on your knees as you hunch over, head in hands.

You’re too angry to even begin to decipher exactly what your body needs as the trauma sinks its teeth into your bones. Cold poison taints the warmth of your soul.

You’ve spent years unearthing and healing old scars, only for the person who helped you through it to completely undo all the hard work.

You quickly stand up and retrieve your now shattered phone as it rings, making your way back to the couch when you see a cable tucked until the cushion.

You raise your eyebrow, placing your phone on the arm of the couch before tugging on the wire to reveal Nayeon’s ipad hiding between the seats of the love seat you plopped on.

“She’s probably pissed she forgot this.” you smile at the thought wishing for inconvenient things to happen to annoy her for the remainder of the day.

You’d never wish actual harm on her, you still loved her. You are definitely upset enough to wish for one of her nails to break enough to make them look uneven, or for her shirt to be caught on a door handle while walking through it.

You swipe up to unlock it but it reveals a keypad for a passcode. You hesitate. Was this something you really wanted to do? You no longer had any trust in her but would you breaking her trust make it any better?

You punch in the first code and the screen shakes. It’s not her birthday. You try your birthday, the lock shimmies back at you asking for another set of numbers. You think for a second before trying your anniversary and it opens.

A deep breath in, and you click on the messages. Searching for the name of the person who accompanied your partner in betrayal.

You notice in the sidebar your name with a heart and the banner underneath your name swiftly changing as it synchronizes with the pinging of your phone.

You fixate on the other names in the list. Momo, Sana, Mina, a few Twice group chats when the name pops up to the top of the list.

“Are you alright?”

You seeth knowing the hands that typed that message are the hands that touched Nayeon. You see the text bubble start to move and then stop only to start up again.

“No, I’m flying back home tonight instead of tomorrow. I’ll call you later.”

Great. You think about packing a bag and heading to Momo’s but this was your apartment. Why should you have to leave? You think about how long you have until Nayeon arrives.

You phone goes back to buzzing as she’s panic texting you. Telling you that she will be home later tonight and you can talk it through then. She begs you not to leave the apartment. You scoff.

The ipad pings again.

“Okay, just checking in. My plane just landed back home and I have a meeting. I should be home after that. If you need a place to stay, just let me know.”

Your stomach churns at the offer. Hands that aren’t yours trailing Nayeon’s body weighs heavy in your stomach. This person can’t be offering this to her. What if she says yes? You fixate on the screen as the chat bubble pops up.

“I really do appreciate that but I don’t think that y/n would want me to stay with you.”

“A little too late, no?” You say out loud annoyed that she’s trying to assert a boundary with this person. Knowing full well it already happened.

“So she knows now? When you said you got into an argument, I didn’t think it was about that…”

You grit your teeth. You hear your jaw crack under the pressure as your eyes widen, seeing the acknowledgement of the deed with your own eyes. It has your sights on red.

“Yes. I know now.” You type into the virtual keyboard hitting send immediately and tossing the ipad to the side. For a brief second, silence fills the room. No notifications, no pinging of text tones. Just pure silence.

You stand up hastily, leaving your electronics behind, not wanting another text notification or phone call. Grabbing your keys and wallet before walking out the door. You’ve got a meeting to get to.

You hop into the driver's seat and put your car in reverse and pull out of the parking spot and into the road. The tires are recklessly screeching behind you as you swerve through traffic

. You run through the red lights like they’re nothing. Not even blinking as you speed onto the freeway in silence. You know exactly where the meeting is and you plan on being present for it.

You get off on the exit, and pull up to the JYP building, parking in Nayeon’s spot knowing she wasn’t going to be in today. You rip the keys from the ignition, hear the scrape of the metal as you push the car door open and slam it behind you.

The fresh rage in your body physically manifests as you speed walk through the cold air, steam rising from your arms as you start to walk through the side entrance close to the elevators.

As you walk past the security guard. He stands to greet you and informs you that Nayeon isn’t in today. You look at him and he sees the absolute fury in your eyes, “Carry on, Y/n” and seats immediately back at the desk.

You return to your pace, reaching the elevator and slamming the “Up” button with your hands, probably too hard as it starts the woman also waiting.

You cross your arms; heart racing with your jaw and fists clenched, leaving the taste of copper in your mouth and indents in your palms as you “patiently” wait for the elevator to come down to pick you up.

You hear the ringing and snap your head up to see none other than Park Jihyo standing inside, about to get off when your eyes connect. Her smile fades quickly when she realizes what’s about to happen.

She tried to take a step out and greet you, but you put your hand on her shoulder and shove her lightly back into the elevator. The woman you previously startled hesitates so come in.

“Would you mind taking the next one?” You hiss at her. You don’t wait for an answer, hitting the button for floor 7, and turning to face the doors as they close.

The lights are bright and threatening as you ascend up. You count the floors as they pass, Jihyo silent behind you nervously playing with her hands when you reach out and hit the “Stop” button.

The elevator grinds to a halt between floors. You turn around to face Jihyo, eyebrows creased and lean against the walls of the 6ft wide box.

“When were you planning on telling me, Hyo?” You spit at her loudly. Your hands rise to pinch the bridge of your nose. She flinched at the tone and volume of your voice.

You weren’t going to hurt her, she knew that. She’s just never seen you like this before. She takes in your demeanor and slowly runs her eyes up your body taking note of your unkempt clothes, the bags under your eyes, and lack of jacket.

“Did you speed here after seeing that conversation?” She quizzically inquired while tilting her head at you. You roll your eyes, uninterested in the question. You feel like she’s challenging you, even if it is innocent.

“Here’s what we are going to do.” Firmly enunciating your words as they sputter out of your mouth.

“I’m going to ask you the questions and you are either going to answer them or we are going to be in this elevator for a very long time.”

Jihyo nods her head, understanding that this isn’t the time for her to try to ease the tension with playful banter. She does pity you though, knowing that she was part of the cause makes her eye shift to the floor as she begins to speak. Her empathy is losing its meaning in your apathy.

“Listen Y/n, I know that this is a lot and I can’t imagine what you are going through and feeling right now. I need you to know that it was a one time thing and it has never happened again. We were both drunk out of our minds.”

She lifted her head up to try to sneak a look at your face. She sees your eyes spilling over and winces. She hates this just as much as you do but you’re unsure of if it’s because the conversation is emotionally charged or just uncomfortable.

“It was a stupid mistake. We were going to tell you but we were trying to avoid this. It was years ago. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone until she told me the morning after. She was inconsolable. She was so scared to lose you that she couldn’t stop crying and shaking…I wrote her that note and stuck it in her wallet the night of thinking it would be funny to wake up too. I thought she would’ve thrown it away by now.” Jihyo sighed heavily, searching your face for signs that you were absorbing her story.

“I can tell you this much. I’ve never seen Nayeon look at anyone the way she looks at you. The way her eyes light up when she talks about you is something other people dream about when they think of love.”

You choke on your emotions. Dropping your angry mask to reveal the truth behind your eyes. Suffering. You squat down and hold your knees to your chest as you sob. Jihyo quickly follows, placing a hand on your back trying to console you.

Once you have some semblance of calm, Jihyo speaks again. “Do you remember the night that I called you from Nayeon's phone?” Hyo smiles at the memory. It lives happily in her brain too

. “I didn’t know how into you she was until she started crying about missing you…and when you got to my house and she almost tackled you in the snow, it only solidified how important you are to her. It was my idea not to say anything…”

You glare at her waiting for her to finish.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I just didn’t want to shatter something that was just starting. Look at the beautiful relationship you’ve built with her. I could tell when I saw you both together that you were meant for each other. I felt bad for it then and I feel even worse about it now.”

You feel yourself melting into sadness, once more. A heavy breath leaves your mouth when you realize you were so wrapped up in what was happening that you forgot you were in a stopped elevator.

You calmly stand and brush yourself off. You hit the stop button again and the elevator groans to the 7th floor. The doors open and a few people file in, not realizing the emotionally charged conversation that had just taken place, though you’re sure it’s displayed across your face.

A man in a suit pressed the “Ground level” button and the elevator descended to the lobby.

Once the doors open, you swiftly walk past security. Trying to leave behind the anger fueled attempt at a conversation, even if you didn’t say much.

The friendship you developed with Jihyo allowed her to know exactly what to say so keep you calm despite that being the first appearance of your unadulterated anger.

You leave JYP through the front doors, and start walking down the sidewalk through the rain. “Where are you going?” You hear Jihyo shout from the front of the building. You don’t even turn around, you just keep walking.

You find yourself in a park by a river and sit down on the wet bench. The light drizzle that threatened rain all day opened up and washed over your skin.

You should’ve brought a jacket, you think as you let the cool drops land on your back completely soaking you. You reach in your pocket, forgetting that your phone is at home.

The words “Missing something?” Unearths itself out of the rain with a black umbrella and sits next to you on the bench, shielding you from the downpour. “Didn’t want to be bothered by the constant ringing?” You sit in silence not wanting to interact with Jihyo.

She knows you well. You’ve been around each other for long enough to pick up on the little things. You roll your eyes wishing it wasn’t someone who could reflect you back to yourself. “Look, I know this is overwhelmin-“

“No, you don’t” cutting her off with a tone that could dissolve the strongest on metals.

Your face contorted with exasperation as you spew out the words, “You have NO idea what it’s like to look at the person you’ve spent the last 3 years with and question whether or not they are who they say. You don’t know what it’s like for that same partner to hide things behind your back with someone you consider family. Please tell me about a time you’ve experienced this level of betrayal, Hyo. You’ve got no clue what I’ve been struggling with these past few days and don’t you dare say that you have!”

Your words were harsh and she accepted them.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She calmly states while holding eye contact with you.

You're more upset that she’s so polished in her responses. You maintain your angry demeanor turning to face the river in front of you.

The rain continues to fall as you sit in silence, Jihyo just sitting next to you waiting for you to speak.

“Why are you still here?” Annoyed at her presence.

“Because I’ve made you upset with my actions and you’re my friend.” The emotional whiplash your body is projecting is infuriating. Overwhelmed by the notion that two things could be true at once. On one hand, you’re livid with Jihyo and Nayeon. On the other, you respect the accountability of the person in front of you, even if it only instills anger in you further.

She’s sat here in silence with you, in the middle of a thunderstorm only to be yelled at.

“If I would have known this was the result of keeping it a secret, I would’ve told you years ago. I wouldn’t have convinced Nayeon not to say anything. Hell, I barely remember any of it, neither of us do. I really am sorry.”

Her words make you think about Nayeon. If she didn’t remember…if she wanted to tell you.

Nayeon had never broken your trust before. She was always honest, even overly honest. She would answer anything you asked her. You had trusted her with every detail of your life.

Every scar that ever calloused over your heart was shown to her. Whenever they started to ache again, she would kiss the wounds and soothe you. You crave that same comfort now, undecided if you are going to go and get it, reeling at the potential falsehood of it all.

Jihyo watched the cogs move in your head as you sorted through the information and filed it away where it belonged.

She stands up and looks over, “do you want a ride back to your car? The rain is only going to get worse from here.” You nod your head yes and walk back to the car, getting in the passenger side. You sit in silence the 4 minute drive back.

Your stomach starts to growl as you approach the JYP building. You wished you brought your phone with you so you could order something and have it be at the house by the time you got there.

“If you ever want to talk, please know I’m here for you” she says as you get out of the car in silence and close the door behind you.

You ended up stopping at a local cafe to get something to go. The girl behind the counter widening her eyes as she watches you walk in, absolutely drenched. You ordered your usual sandwich.

“Anything else?” The girl behind the register asks, still looking at you like you’ve got something on your face other than rain and tears.

“Yeah, actually. Can I get that one salad you guys have with the apples in it? I’m not really sure what it’s called.” You only know it by “Nayeon’s favorite”.

The girl rolls her eyes and punches in the order. You pay for it, and twiddle with your thumbs while you wait.

Pulling up to the apartment felt different this time. No people waiting for Nayeon outside, no cars blocking you from making a swift escape into the building. You wonder if she’s home yet as you get into the elevator.

The kitchen is lit up upon entry. You left all the lights on. Phone and ipad are still on the love seat but the sectional is occupied by a sleeping Nayeon.

She’s wrapped in the blanket you’ve been using and laying on your pillow. You quietly walk in and place the food on the counter and quickly step into the bedroom. You let out a light sigh, and decide it’s time you take a shower. Feeling grimey from the rain.

You emerge from the bedroom in sweatpants and a cropped tank top, hair still wet. You tie it up into a bun and quietly pull plates down from the cabinets.

You glance over to see Nayeon still asleep and notice that her phone is in her hands. She’s probably waiting to hear from you. Plating the take out, you quietly bring the dishes over to the living room and place them lightly on the coffee table.

You return to the kitchen and grab another bottle of wine from the refrigerator and a set of glasses. You pop the bottle open, and freeze as you hear a shift coming from the couch.

You don’t look back at the sound. Continuing pouring the wine into the glasses you had already set out. You hear a light gasp as she notices the food on the table. You hear the smile in it and fight back the upward pull of your lips.

Anxiety sets in as you remember what you’re walking into. You feel your fingers locking up as you reach for cutlery. It rattles in the drawer, drawing Nayeon’s attention. She stills as she feels her brain turn on, remembering what had happened hours beforehand.

Picking up the glasses and bringing them to the table, her eyes follow your every move. You place a glass down in front of her and hand her silverware. “Eat.”

She’s moving very cautiously through this unnavigated territory. Not only in the sense of “walking on eggshells” even her usually fluid movements were slow and strategized.

You take the sight of her in as you pick at your food. It looks like the nap she took was the first ounce of sleep she’s had in days. Eyes bloodshot and half lidded as she chews. She sets her fork down, takes a large sip of the wine and looks down at the floor.

“...Y/n…” she briefly looks up to see you already present and focused on her. You’re waiting for your explanation that she owes you.Her eyes return to the food in front of her to avoid adding discomfort to herself.

Her face beams a shade of red as her eyes close. It twists in a way you’ve seen many times before and she tries to hold it all together. Pools of tears start to collect and shed as she continues. Her words muffled underneath a thick layer of guilt.

“I made a mistake, a really bad one, at the very beginning of our relationship.” You wince at the sound of her voice cracking. The sharp edged subject matter slicing at you in the same way finding that note did.

“I need you to know that I do not remember any of it. I was that drunk and so was Jihyo.” Another twist of the knife in your chest. You remember to breathe and continue listening.

“Nothing has happened since, and nothing like this would ever happen again. I wanted to tell you but the person I was then and the person I am now are two completely different people. Even that version of myself would never dream of hurting you in such a way. I allowed myself to be convinced that not telling you was better than you leaving. Please understand that I would do anything to remove this from my past…our past.”

It all becomes too much as you shoot up from your seat and bring your plate to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Faucet on, you scrub the plate like it’s caked in dirt. Nayeon, who is still in the living room, stands up and follows you to the sink.

She’s sniffling behind you, covering her mouth with the sleeve of your sweater she was wearing. You tilt your head to face her, taking in the pure shame she was already putting herself through for the act that she committed. You turn the faucet off and dry your hands with the towel hanging on the oven’s handle while turning to fully face her.

You pitch the bridge of your nose trying not to break again. Wide eyes looking at you, studying your body language trying to determine what you’ll say…if you’ll say anything. She can see the stress emanating from you

“Please say something.” She breathes, reaching out to touch your shoulder in hopes to bring you back to the present. Hoping it’ll keep you from emotionally shutting down.

It sends a shock to your nervous system, almost jumping out of your skin as the soft familiar hand glides down your arm to your hand where she leaves it.

“I don’t know what to say, Nayeon.” You are battling yourself. You are both angry and so in love with this beautiful human in front of you. Even with tears in her eyes, she was magic to you. Effortlessly, stunning even in the face of fear.

You are endlessly baffled by the mistake made because she’s always been so attentive, so patient, so tender and caring that even her admitting it to your face felt like a lie. You know that’s not who she is, right? Wrong. You don’t know anything for certain. Logic and emotion argue as you stand there silently. Trying to figure out where to go next.

She reaches out and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, the other hand still in yours and tears still falling. You don’t want to let go of her hand, but you don’t want to tighten your hold on it either.

She’s patiently watching your eyes as they animate the war in your head. The two sides were fighting and you were standing on the fence of the choice you had to make. You ponder what life would be like without her and what life was like with her. Do all of those amazing moments count for nothing? Were they a waste of time?

You take a deep breath and look Nayeon right in the eyes. She feels almost violated by how deeply you are looking into her.

“I am devastated.” Your shoulders are feeling slightly lighter as you continue.

“I can’t believe you did this and didn’t tell me. For our entire relationship to be built on this foundation absolutely shatters me and everything we’ve ever built together. I feel like I don’t know who you are.”

The last sentence knocks the wind out of her. She’s gasping for air and holding back sobs.

“I just never expected this from you…” you said shakily while you watched her try to collect herself.

You rotate and sit down on the floor, sliding your back down the flat doors of your cabinets. She follows but on the other side, feet between yours. Trying to muffle the cries because she can’t bear the fact that she has caused this damage.

You feel the exhaustion take over. Your physical body has been tensing to hold the weight of the situation for days now. You yawn, Nayeon regulates her breath as you try to gain the energy to continue the conversation.

She stands up and lays her hand out for you, wordlessly. She doesn’t let go of it as she leads you to your shared bedroom, a bed left untouched sits right in the middle.

You are thinking about how great sleeping in your bed will feel after being on the couch for days. She’s out of the room as quickly as she brought you here.

You start to feel warm under your clothes. You remove them and fling them into a corner. Crawling under the comforter and settling in.

Nayeon returns, your pillow in hand. She notices you’re missing your tank top and shifts her eyes down out of respect. Not knowing if you wanted her to see you this way anymore.

She bends down and unplugs her phone charger and grabs her pillow. “I’ll sleep on the couch, I know how your back gets. Please get some rest.” She kneels on the bed for a second and leans in but hesitates.

Was it her place to kiss your forehead still? She took the risk and quickly walked out of the room.

You lay in bed for what feels like hours. Uncomfortably tossing and turning in the lonely sheets. You open your eyes and stare at the ceiling, getting lost in the patterns of the texture.

Exhaustion is no match for your mind and you really don’t want to be in this bed alone right now. You sit up, comforter falling to reveal your chest.

You think about how Nayeon is on the couch by herself right now. Probably overthinking everything and stressing herself out, no sleep in sight. In a moment of weakness, you stand up and saunter into the living room.

She lay splayed out in the sectional, phone in hand scrolling mindlessly in the warm light. A useless distraction, you were all that filled her mind.

You take note that she removed the sweater and was only in a sports bra now. You can’t help but daydream about how her skin feels on yours.

She notices you standing in the doorway, arms crossed, holding yourself. She looks away from her phone to acknowledge your presence, locking it and laying it on her chest.

“Having trouble sleeping too?” You nod and bite the inside of your cheek.

You take the risk, slowly wandering to the front of the sectional and climbing into the blanket with her. She’s surprised by the action but lifts the blanket so you can get comfortable, making sure you're covered.

“You’re so cold” she whispers as you press your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her causing her to shiver. You don’t have the same compulsion of not wanting her to touch you. She feels like Nayeon. She feels like home.

She starts tracing patterns on your shoulder as she leans her face on the top of your head. Both silently enjoy each other's comfort as you drift off to sleep.

Awoken by the sound of humming in the kitchen, you smile before you even open your eyes. You know what’s happening before you are even half awake.

You’re still wrapped in the soft blanket on the sectional taking up more space that you originally were now that the other person was up and about.

“Shit.” A whispered voice rings through the apartment.

“Too much creamer again?” You slyly say from the couch. You hear her jump, she must’ve not realized you were awake.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, ba-“ she stops herself from saying the pet name, not knowing what the boundaries were anymore.

“You didn’t wake me. I should be the one apologizing, I was the one who scared you.” You chuckle, getting up and stretching before throwing on the sweater, laid across the couch’s back, to cover up a little before you start your morning rituals.

When you turn around you see her cheeks fill with red. “You okay?” You ask her, grabbing the black mug, taking a sip.

“I think so…” she says slowly, unsure of her next step. “I think I just want to know what the next step is…for us.”

Her eyes flicker to your face waiting for a response. You start to walk over to the bedroom.

“Well, we usually shower next, have you forgotten our routine already? It was only a couple of days” Trying to make light of the situation.

She giggles “you know what I mean…I just need to know if I can mend this. To fix this. Falling asleep with you last night was the calmest I’ve felt… ” You interrupt her before she can cloud your brain with sweet things. She always knew how to break you with that.

“I’m still angry that you hid it from me” stoically expressing the truth. Both truths.

“But I love you.” She smiles, hopeful of what’s to come, walking towards you with her arms out. Wrapping them around your neck and pulling you in for a soft peck.

After a few more quick kisses, foreheads connected as her arms slid down to your waist.

“But I need to make it very clear that I cannot do this again. So if you’re hiding anything else, please tell me now.”

She cups your face in her hands and brings you in for a long kiss that makes you a little weak in the knees. “I’ll never hide anything from you again. Ever.”

“Good, will you start the shower then?”

She happily skips into the bathroom.

You start to pick out what clothes you’re wearing for the day when you hear a phone vibrate in the kitchen. Walking over to the counter and picking up the closest phone to see which one it was. It’s Nayeon’s phone with a message from Jihyo.

Your face drops as you read “Did she believe you or do we actually need to stop seeing each other?”

Take Me Back to Eden - Ascensionism - Part 4

#twice angst #twice imagines #twice nayeon #nayeon x fem!reader #nayeon #im nayeon #nayeon x reader #twice fic #kpop x fem reader #kpop x reader #twice x y/n #wlw #lesbian

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pleasantlyinsincere · 1 year

Text

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

youtube

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

youtube

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

unknown

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John.

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

#i was suddenly getting nervous that this will just disappear from my drafts. that would annoy me so much. so it get's posted NOW.#i will add stuff to it as i find it but that's how i always do timelines. fill them up over time. and this is already massive.#i just wanted to date one damn thing and this is what happened...#thoughts in progress #john lennon #julian lennon #Youtube

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netherworldpost · 5 months

Text

(soft music plays, probably a piano cover of a popular violin-based song)

(a subjectively beautiful person with Giant Blue Hair arises into the frame and they have a large smile and a bit of sleep-deprived hues of body-wear under their gray-blue eyes and Eyebrows Arched in a permanent expression of joy, confusion, and bemusement)

hi i am called atticus

(their voice has the barest hint of lisp and though it is a bit too low and raspy to be heard clearly, it is quite understandable, this is magic, and/or, text-based audio narration)

and i've been studying online marketing in today's world and there are influencers who do this a lot

and i don't know if it's good or bad or not

i reserve space on the shelves

"i do not need to have an opinion on such things"

anyway

i have partnered with the moon to bring you a few seconds of what i hope is joy

maybe this works, i hope it reaches your heart, now or soon, and if not, i wish you a peaceful finding of whatever will work

here is a short list of things happening this night throughout the netherworld

an orchard of dryads is playing hide and seek with a forest full of ghosts, there are giggles and laughters and chuckles and howls, squeals even, as finders find and hiders run, they are all having delightful fun

(there are lanterns illuminating)

a trio of witches has a booth set up at the crossroads of Cross Roads Road with a table in front of them, they are reading fortunes and carving pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns, offering advice and potions, it's a bit early in the mortal realms for jack-o-lanterns but this is the netherworld, there are plenty to be had

(join them?)

an elven sailor is lingering on the deck of his boat watching his sea nymph husband swim up, marveling on the aquatic gentleman's speed and power; the nymph is barreling to this ship-home, knowing dinner is prepared, his best friend is waiting, and most assuredly has picked up a bouquet of library books for them to share

(he has, six books, two magazines, and three cassette tapes)

a mountain dwarf is spending a quiet evening alone in the depths of the stones of Mountain Crumble Pass, frowning in delight and pride as he toils on the tooling of his newest work apron, he is hammering dies, laying in glyphs most ancient into the leather, prayers to the fires and metals, to protect his mighty arms during the long hours ahead

(the beauty of the pattern adds more layers of protection than anticipated)

cheers my fellows i hope you have enjoyed this quiet peak into this other world

hoping to complete the windows soon

so you'll be able to peak more often

until then

toodles

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late-to-the-party-81 · 2 months

Text

Love, Lies & Electricity - Chapter 5

AN: Hello all! It’s time for Week 9 of @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer and the end of this story. If you’ve enjoyed it, then please feel free to leave comments or replies on chapters or send me asks about these two 😀. Catch up on the previous part here.

All the love and kisses in the world for @drabbles-mc as my beta and cheer-reader.

If you would like to be added to my tag list, click here.

Moodboard by me and dividers by @firefly-graphics

Likes are loved, Reblogs are golden.

Master List | HBS Master List

Challenges and Bingos: HBS week 9 - Free Week - Optional prompt of W - Wet

Summary: Now recovering mentally from everything that happened, you wonder if you should let Bucky back into your life.

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader

Word Count: 2k

CW: Hand-wavy science, Flashbacks, Bucky being charming, hopeful ending, fluff

It had been two months since you’d left the compound. Two months since you’d last seen Bucky. Three months since that ill-fated mission. It seemed strange, but slowly life was returning to some semblance of normal for you. You’d managed to get a little cash-in-hand job at a local diner to keep you busy and you were seeing a therapist that had been recommended by Dr Cho - one who you could be honest with without making any state secrets public.

One of the best things to have come out of the whole debacle was your new friendships. When you got a text one day from an unknown number it hadn’t taken you long to work out it was Yelena - you weren’t surprised that she’d managed to get hold of you. She and Kate had come to hang out with you a couple of times and it was both hilarious and uncomplicated. The girlfriends were so cute together even if they were opposite in many ways, but when Yelena smiled indulgently at her hyperactive partner, it made you believe in love again.

You also couldn’t deny you’d been thinking about Bucky. A lot. How could you not, given what he’d said before you left? You now understood why he hadn’t argued back with you when you’d confronted him - you’d been so full of hurt and anger there’s no way you would have believed him. Him walking away had been his way of giving you space.

You wondered if it was too late - whether you’d thrown it all away? So many times you’d held your phone in your hand, worrying your lip between your teeth, flip-flopping on a decision. However, on this sunny afternoon as you walked out of your therapist's office, the decision seemed clear. With one tap you unblocked his number and fired off a short text.

Y: Hey

You’d noticed the guy at the other table watching you for some time as you sat in your corner booth of the cafe, sipping your latte and reading your book. He probably thought he was being subtle, but he obviously had some kind of staring problem.

You wondered what he wanted. Also, there was something familiar about him, but you couldn’t place it, although you were certain he wasn’t one of them. You were good at identifying the ones who wanted to capture you - hurt you. There’d been a few over the past decade or so who’d tried - and failed - and this intense guy wasn’t one of them.

Observing him from your peripheral vision, you clocked how, once or twice, he looked as though he was about to get up and approach you, but then changed his mind. Additionally, he’d been nursing a glass of water for almost the full hour he’d been here and was on the receiving end of frustrated side-eye glances from the barista. Enough was enough.

Never one to be called a shrinking violet, even in your childhood, you shut your book with a hard snap, placing it in your bag. As you stood and eased your way out of your seat, Staring Man redirected his gaze down to his phone, scrolling down the screen in a manner that was overly nonchalant. Either he was the world’s worst stalker or he was being purposefully obvious. You had a feeling it was the latter.

The chair opposite him screeched across the floor as you pulled it out and sat down. He looked up at you as you extended your hand across the table, your own name falling from your lips. “Although I’m guessing you already know that,” you added. He had the good grace to look embarrassed - turning a very pretty shade of pink - and you guessed it was because you had been the one to actually initiate contact. He clasped your hand in his own and you noticed how his right hand was bare, but his left still had a glove on.

“I’m James,” he said. “James Barnes. Bucky.”

Oh, you thought, you mind recalling his name from news articles you’d seen. Now it all made sense - why he was here, why he looked familiar, and why he had one glove still on. You settled further into your seat. “So are you the spokesperson for the Hydra Weapon Rehabilitation Program?”

His lips turned up at the edges. “Not quite, but something like that. We found details of your ‘time’ with Hydra, what they did to you, etcetera, and I thought that maybe I ought to reach out. Offer you the opportunity to talk to someone who can really understand. Friendship too, if you want. Kinda difficult to find someone with shared life experience.” He chuckled ruefully and plucked at a loose thread on his glove.

You tilted your head to the side, thinking. Even before Hydra you’d been a loner, finding it difficult to make and keep friends. However, ever since your escape, you’d actually felt alone. Isolated. It might be nice to have someone to talk to in the middle of the night when the nightmares seemed all too real.

“That sounds… nice, Bucky. Maybe we could talk more?”

“Yeah?” he said with a raised brow and a charming smile.

You chuckled. “Yeah. However, you are gonna make up for your table hogging by buying me another latte, a grilled cheese sandwich, and a cake.”

His smile widened and it was as though the sun was lighting up the whole room. “Am I?”

“You are! That poor barista has been shooting you daggers for the last half hour.”

It was his turn to laugh. “I did wonder why I was getting that itch between my shoulder blades. But it was worth it, to make a new friend.”

Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you called out that you were taking your break as you made your way through the back door of the diner. It was a text from Bucky - a silly meme of a white cat - and you smiled as you looked at it.

Since you’d reached out to him a few weeks ago, the pair of you had been texting most days, mostly innocuous stuff about annoying diner customers on your part, and Sam being a jerk on Bucky’s. Sometimes there was the odd response that could’ve been taken as flirtation and it felt good. Comfortable.

You sent back a laughing emoji and almost immediately another text came through.

B: Hey, I’m gonna be in the city tomorrow - got a meeting with Pepper. Was wondering if you wanted to meet for a drink. Maybe some food? If you want?

You started down at the message, your lower lip pulled between your teeth. You’d already taken one Bucky-related plunge recently - what was one more?

Y: I’d like that.

You laughed around your mouthful of dimsum, having to take a swig of your beer to wash it down, as Bucky finished his impersonation of Sam. The whole evening, since you’d met Bucky outside a bar just down from the diner you worked at, had been nice. It felt natural and easy, almost as though your break-up and the following months had never happened. It would be even easier to succumb to the idea - you were fairly certain that Bucky wanted to pick up from where you’d left off, but you weren’t certain that diving straight back in would be the best idea. That was even if you were interested, which again you weren’t certain you were.

When the meal was finished, both of you so full you thought the servers were going to have to roll the pair of you out the door, Bucky only put up a token resistance at you paying your half. You couldn’t help but flash him a cheeky smile in response to the eye roll he gave you when you pulled a handful of bills from your pocket - he knew it wasn’t worth pushing you on it. He’d told you before that you were too stubborn, much like someone else he knew.

As you go to the door, Bucky couldn’t rein back his gentlemanly instincts any more and opened it for you. However, as he peered out his expression changed from charming to concerned. It was raining and neither of you had an umbrella.

“Don’t worry, Buck,” you soothed with an enigmatic smile. “I got this.” You looped your right arm through the crook of his left, feeling the firmness of the vibranium through the leather of his jacket and let your power flow. You giggled at the way Bucky blinked as he was enclosed within your bubble. “Just stay close, or you’ll get wet,” you cautioned and walked out into the night, a supersoldier at your side.

Bucky was unusually quiet as you made your way down the sidewalk, although at one point he reached out with free hand to the edge of your barely visible forcefield. Only a small jerk let you know that he was affected by the small shock as his hand passed through it. When he pulled it back his glove was wet.

“Whatcha thinking, Buck?” you asked.

“Was wondering how you are able to do this now, when you couldn’t…you know… then?”

You rolled your eyes, but kept smiling. “Because I had time to do it. If I can put it in place before I get wet then I won’t get wet and have my powers shorted out. Hydra were well aware of that.”

“But what if you’re out and it just suddenly starts raining?” Bucky’s brow was drawn together in puzzlement.

“Well the odd splash or drop of rain doesn’t stop it working - normally I can shield myself before I get wet enough for it to affect my powers. I have been caught out on the odd occasion though.”

“Huh,” was Bucky’s response, before he lapsed back into silence again. It was companionable though and the pair of you strolled through the city, towards your apartment.

When you reached the door, you turned to each other, your grip naturally shifting from his inner elbow to his hand. His fingers curled around yours and it was clear that neither of you were ready to say goodbye yet. You felt your heart flutter in your chest.

You tip your head to look up at him and see the small smile on his face echoed in his misty blue eyes. It was second-nature to reach up and brush back an errant lock of his hair.

“This was nice,” he said and you hummed in agreement and watched the pretty pink blush take over his cheeks. “M-maybe we can do it again? Next time I’m in town?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” you replied and shifted your hand so that your fingers were interlinked with his.

You both fell silent again and your gaze fell to your linked hands and how Bucky’s thumb was rubbing up and down the edge of your pointer finger. When he spoke again, it made you jump. “I suppose I’d best be going. Let you get some sleep.” He stepped back, body half in and half out of your protection and the rain started to splatter down his back.

Before you could think it through, you tugged on your joined hands, pulling him back toward you. Then, standing up on your toes you pressed your lips to his. Bucky froze for a second before his right hand came up and cupped your face.

Your joined lips moved slowly against each other, soft and tender, and when he broke away you looked back at him with your breath caught in your throat. “I hope you’re back in town soon, Buck,” you said with uncharacteristic shyness in your voice.

Still smiling at you, Bucky slowly backed away, holding your hand for as long as he could until the distance forced him to relinquish it. Now fully outside your forcefield, the rain started to plaster his hair to his face, reminiscent of that night over three months ago.

“You know what? I think I have something I need to do here in two days, anyway.” His smile broadened into a grin. “Maybe we can catch up again?”

“Maybe we can,” you replied with an answering smile.

“Take care, Doll.”

“You too, Sergeant.”

With a final, cheeky wink, Bucky flipped up his collar and turned away, jamming his hands in his pockets. You watched him until he was just a small shadow in the night before heading inside, your heart light and hopeful.

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @wolfsmom1, @doasyoudesireandlive,

@sonatabee-blog, @goldylions, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @apenny4thots,

@crayongirl-linz, @nicoline1998enilocin, @king814318, @blackhawkfanatic,

@loreniscrying, @scram1326, @hhiggs

@km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky, @kmc1989, @kombatfather1796

#bucky barnes #hotbuckysummer2024 #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

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paintedscales · 20 days

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FFXIV Write 2024 :: Day Eight

Prompt: You choose (Glass) Characters: Nomin tal Kheeriin, Esenaij Sagahl, Teiamon Word Count: 721 Notes + Warnings: Digimon AU; actually very personal experience with cancer protected onto character.

Master List

Next: Surrogate

Light. Woozy. Spinning.

A girl, no older than sixteen, trudged from her bed. Every step was heavy, strained, and felt like a chore -- like there were weights attached to her ankles that tried to drag her down to the ground. Her shoulders weighed heavy, as if she were stuck carrying her school bag packed with books and texts required for her classes. Her bones ached and cried with any weight -- real or not -- set upon them.

“... Teia…Teiamon…” the girl weakly called out. Her vision was sensitive and blurry, the light filtering in through the blinds painfully spearing through her retinas like hot skewers. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes -- a combination of pain and fear as she took another step and buckled, falling to the floor.

She stared in whatever direction her head decided to be pointed in when she fell, pain wracking her body. Her bones felt like they were made of glass at that point: fracturing, splitting, breaking into shards. It took everything not to simply wail out for help. And so she sobbed quietly, cursing this feeling of not being able to do anything.

No…it was not simply a feeling. She could not do anything. Not with how even trying to push herself back up into a sitting position made those fractures feel like they cracked even further into her bones. She was like a doll made of porcelain, pushed from the shelf and now cracked against the floor, pieces threatening to break even further and even fall apart at the slightest movement.

“Nomin, did you call for m--” Teiamon had pushed open the door to the bedroom, pausing in her words when she saw her Digidestined partner laying there on the ground, shivering as she cried. Eyes widening, Teiamon dove down to the ground, her wings splayed out and alert as she tried nuzzling against Nomin’s shoulder, trying anything to bring comfort to her.

A flood of questions that Nomin could barely even process fell from Teiamon: “Are you okay? What happened? What can I do? Should I get Esenaij or Bayarmaa? Both?”

“Hos…hospi..tal…” Nomin managed, her voice barely even feeling like her own at that moment. Choking between keeping her voice stable and wanting to just let it all out, Nomin fought to get out the rest of her plea: “Tell…my siblings…I need to get to…to a…to a hospital… I can’t get up…”

Everything was so vivid, even in that state of delirium. Teiamon leaving felt like it took hours for one of her siblings to even arrive. The first was Esenaij, concern etched on his face as he burst through Nomin’s bedroom door to see her sorry state. Bayarmaa’s arrival was not long after. Though their arrival and actions were vivid, their words were not.

“...er into the car!” Esenaij’s voice was drowned out by the cotton that filled Nomin’s head, making her continue to feel light and airy as she was scooped up into her brother’s arms and cradled protectively.

Crack. Crack.

No longer able to hold back, Nomin clenched her jaw and whimpered before falling into a fit of sobbing. She could recall how her angst-driven thoughts at times made her use the term of feeling broken…but nothing compared to how she felt now. How, like lightning, these invisible cracks shot through her entire body, plaguing her in these moments as Esenaij ran her downstairs, through their shop front, and out to their dingy car in the car park in the back.

“... Esenaij…” Nomin choked, tears streaming down her face as her brother settled her into the back seat of the car. She looked at him, fear evident in the way she wanted to clutch onto him like a lifeline. “Am…am I dying?”

Nomin remembered how he looked at her, uncertainty in his expression before he looked back at both Bayarmaa and Teiamon, who looked just as worried, just as scared. All before he steeled himself and shook his head while getting the seatbelt secured around Nomin.

“No…not if we can help it…” Esenaij replied, doing his best to keep his voice calm and level before moving aside and looking at Teiamon and motioning for her to get into the car as well. “She needs you,” he said to her before she fluttered on in and curled up against Nomin.

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delusionaid · 1 month

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SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I have a few "OTPs" for a few of my muses, but not for all of them. However, I choose not to state them for various reasons, one being that I feel like it might discourage someone from suggesting a different ship to me. Which it absolutely shouldn't. What does OTP for me even mean? Yes, in a way it is my favorite ship for a certain muse, for example for fanart, fanfics, or general discussions. However, general OTPs aren't always my favorites in RP. I have some ships in RP that I never even thought of before and wouldn't under normal circumstances call "my OTP", but writing them with a good writing partner makes them very dear to me and I wouldn't exchange or drop them for the world.

It's rare for me to really have a ship that I call an OTP, actually. I have some favorites and some I'll always like, but for a ship to qualify as OTP I really need to obsess over it thoroughly for a long period of time. I'd also almost go so far as to say I usually have one OTP per fandom, and not one per muse.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

I am open to most things if they make sense to me for our muses; unless it is an AU I don't want to bend my muses out of character just to make a ship happen. I like many classic romance or fanfic tropes (enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, star-crossed, arranged royal marriage, fake dating, etc.) or naturally developing things, depending on the muses. There are a few things I won't write (for example non-con or underage), but like I said I almost never get requests for these things anyway, luckily. This is something I'd explain if it came up; I don't tend to post a list of No Gos just because it's rarely needed anyway.

Ideally I like to discuss ships beforehand - even if we're just planning the idea, and are waiting for the chemistry test - just to know if we're having similar tastes and thoughts, but if things progress naturally, then we can cross that bridge when we get to shippy land. The one thing I do insist on is that you tell me if there's something you absolutely don't want incorporated in our ships (e.g. you hate enemies to lovers, or anything relating to NSFW).

As stated in my rules, I don't auto-ship. That means even if you see me reblog fanart of a ship that doesn't mean I'll instantly ship that ship without any discussion beforehand. It means I like the ship tho, so if you are interested and we're mutuals, we can talk about it!

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

As long as everyone's a consenting adult, I don't get uncomfortable by age gaps. Particularly not if one of or both of them are immortal. I am not necessarily a fan of (mortal x mortal) ships with a massive age gap but it can work for some characters in some contexts. As for 2300 y.o. vampire x 25 y.o. human? Absolutely no problem.

Are you selective when shipping?

Man, I'd love to just copy Lauri's text here but.. yes, I am. As stated before, I don't insta-ship - if we're seriously going to ship, I want to know that I am clicking with you as a writer and if we do, I want either extensive discussions of headcanons and backstories, or I want to start at the beginning / at a time where our muses aren't together yet. (This can also be the test for us to see if we click.) I don't want to write an established ship without any discussion beforehand, also in part because my favorite part about writing ships is the "getting together" phase.

I need chemistry between our muses. I might ship a ship in general but the way you write your muse just doesn't click with mine, so it really depends on the writer.

I am not usually ship exclusive, however I tend to not write the same ship more than once in most cases, particularly not if I have a bigger verse established that gets developed over time. Sometimes I end up writing with multiple people in a shippy way, but I've noticed after a while I kind of gravitate towards one writing partner, for example if that ship enters a more deeply developed stage. I don't expect that from my writing partner in return, but I do like it. It's kind of a case by case thing, with some ships I am more intense and others I am more casual. It's also a matter of how fast are we, how much do we plot and meta ooc, how invested are we both in general. I don't want to tie anyone to me who is a very fast writer, for example, simply because I cannot keep up with that speed and it would feel unfair to you.

Finally, please don't drag fandom tropes and ideas into writing 1:1. I like fanfics and fanart as much as the next girl, but in RP I am much more canon based and I want ships to fit within the narrative more than I want to entertain juicy tropes. Oftentimes I see people write ships inspired by popular fanart or comics or fanfics that are great as fan content, but quite removed from a canon setting, which makes the muses varying degrees of ooc. This is something I might do as an AU, but most of the time I will only do it if we've been shipping for a while already (in canon verse). For example: I love the enemies to lovers trope - but we need to figure out how they actually move from enemies to lovers. I won't just slap them together and say here we are.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Eh.. any unmistakeable description or insinuation is something I would tag as NSFW. Even if it's written in a poetic way without graphic details, if a sexual act is described, it's NSFW. Smooching and cuddling is fine, anything that involes the downstairs or other touchy touchy with intent goes into the tag ;) Just to be safe (at work).

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

I have multiple ships.. usually not too many per muse, but some have more than one ship. I am open to suggestions, I've sometimes ended up shipping things I never saw coming. I really enjoy writing rare pairs, tbh, if they make sense together and the chemistry fits. Those tend to be the most fun, almost!

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Yes. If you send me shippy asks and we've never spoken about it before, I will ignore it or respond in a non-shippy way. Even if there were actual canon ships (which in this case, there aren't) I don't auto-ship them, it still depends on chemistry. So even if you know I like a ship and you consider it a "canon / implied ship", please talk to me first.

How often do you like to ship?

I enjoy all kinds of writing and scenarios; friendships, conflicts, mystery.. but at my heart of hearts, I am a romance writer. My ideal story is a fantasy story that involves romance (or some other meaningful and deep relationship that is explored). That doesn't mean I always want to ship with everybody 24/7 but it means that I enjoy the relationship (any nature) part of a verse the most, and I have a particular love for romantic relationships and all they entail (crushing, getting together, the angst of forbidden or unrequited love, the insecurity, the excitement, etc). I like reading it and I like writing it. I don't need it for every muse and I certainly don't ship everything just for the sake of shipping, but I very much enjoy writing romance when I get a chance to develop it well. (However, I also genuinely love the opportunity to write OTHER dynamics within a ship verse, to enrich the whole story.)

Are you multiship?

Yes. I have multiple ships on this blog due to various muses, and I also am open to multiple ships on one muse - however I don't tend to have too many per muse.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I love my ships. I don't know if I am obsessed - but I have been, with my OTPs for example ;)

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

That's for me to know and for you to . . .

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Write with me and convince me with in character chemistry.. and/or hit my DMs :) Don't be afraid to ask, honestly the worst thing you'll get from me is a no (or a yes, depending on how you wanna look at it). Even if it's a weird ship, crack ship, insane ship, disliked ship. I don't judge. Just ask, I don't bite.

Tagged by: @daybreakrising & @resolutepath 💙💙 Tagging: @wishkept @gunnhildred @azizam @auratvm @immobiliter @luzofstars @captivemuses @reflective-muses @aeviare

#( tag game. )#( psa. )#thank you! <3

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sangaverage · 1 month

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1. Vampirism as a Condition

Its finally here folks, My long awaited and long Text attempt at writing up something I've promised for a little while

This will be based on more personal experience and the experience of a primarily sanguine Vampyre, there may be a few mentions of other feeding methods here and there

(as far as I know) There is a word limit so I shall try to cram as much in as possible here!

Lengthy and somewhat messy post under the divider (Credit: here!)

Feeding:

Yes we drink blood, or at least the Sanguinarians and Medsangs do, some feed on energy, some feed on both and much more.

There is a genuine Need when it comes to "IRL" vampirism, sure it won't kill us but it makes it incredibly hard to function properly sometimes and the symptoms can be intense.

Now the symptoms are different from vampyre to vampyre so I can't give an exact list...

Some symptoms however can be found Here!

How it may feel to feed Here!

(Thank you: as-others-were, and sauromatos )

What Causes Vampirism:

It has yet to be proven but the general agreed on consensus here is that for some unknown reason A vampyres body either fails to or cannot produce a specific thing it needs well on its own, for Sanguinarians my guess is Something in heme iron is what gives them what they need and as heme often equates to blood, its the most logical thing to consume and also gives us the most of this energy that we need, for psychic vampires it's theorised something in prana (aka a person's life force) is what gives them the energy they need.

Despite what some "Fluffier" sources may tell You, this is not parasitic behaviour, we are not to be shunned/feared/ to be constantly protected from! more often than not the Vampyre and Thier Feeding partners/ Donors can come to a symbiotic agreement! Though many who can detect our energy signature do have some form of stigma or are otherwise unnerved around us.

More in this type of feeding relationship sort of in This post.

See This post For more details as to possibly why.

See This post As to a funky theory that it's also possibly something to do with our eyes,

no it's not the scleric ring theory!

(Thank you to: fugamextenebrae and Confessionsofabloodfreak )

it is also theorised that vampires suffer a damaged solar plexus and thus cannot adequately hold on to or break down the energy they need well themselves due to this.

Vampirism is not thought to be genetic nor can someone be "turned" in the sense you may be thinking, there is however something known as the awakening.

The Awakening:

Despite what you may be thinking The Awakening is not a 100% sudden occurrence! Sometimes it takes the individual Vampyre several "mini awakenings" before the true realisation/ finally ignoring the doubt happens and the confirmation and learning process can begin proper.

The Awakening itself is hard to describe to non vampiric, but is often explained as some form of realisation or coming into ones own, generally around or just after puberty (some can be much earlier and some can be much much later) where the individual realises that they need said energy source to remain "fit and healthy" in a sense, an unawakened Vampyre or Vampyre coming into thier awakening is often called a "latent".

Usually, being around other vampyres is said to be the catalyst that leads to an awakening, however in some cases, be it lack of vampyres in an individuals area or other external factors, this is not entirely needed. And some vampyres can awaken solely on their own, this is said to be a slower process however...

Are Vampyres Spiritual:

Many of us are, yes but not all of us, first and foremost, Vampirism is not a religion!

Ones vampirism can be incorporated into spiritual practice or Those who are not vampyres but have weak energy systems, can still practice vampirism and are willing to do so spiritually!

Many but not all vampyres are attracted to Predatory spirituality at some point in there lives, vampyres are more instinctual, after all but not all vampyres do this, some are pagan or wiccan, some are Buddhist, etc etc some aren't even spiritual at all!

(more on predatory spirituality and how it equates, Here! And Here! Thank you: fugamextenebrae and Xerxeswitch )

Common misconceptions:

-We have reflections, can be filmed and have our pictures taken

-we do not set on fire or burn to ash in sunlight, hower some of us do suffer heatstroke more easily or are more prone to sunburn and eye strain in strong sunlight

-Stakes to the heart will kill us, but they'll kill pretty much anything

-Religious symbols and other holy items do not bother us, however there is a theory that faith can bother some of us, but that is just a theory, we do not spontaneously combust on church ground

-we can mostly wear silver and eat garlic, allergies do exist though

-we are not immortal and live and die as you do

-we can get sick, we are not living corpses despite the fact we may look "dead" sometimes (I am not a morning person lol)

-we do not have Supernatural superpowers, however some of us do have well developed clair senses

-we are chill with "werewolves"

-Animals do not hate us more than anyone else, however there is a theory some animals are sensitive to odd energy signatures so may behave a little strange in our presence (prolonged eye contact, overly friendly etc)

-we can cross running water (if it's shallow or we can swim lol)

-we can enter places uninvited but it's common courtesy and manners to be invited in anyway

-many of us do not "bite", let alone hard enough to puncture skin, we are still biologically human and bites can and often will cause infections, rather we use sterile tools should we need blood or substitutes

-we do not die without the ingestion of blood/ prana etc, we can also eat human food

-we don't all "get off" on blood, though some of us vamps can have a fetish for blood, fangs or biting, we're biologically human after all and there's no harm in it!

-we look just like any other human and no we don't sparkle (unless we use body glitter or something)

I think that's everything really!

For stuff I didnt cover, please check the "general living Vampirism" section of my Important posts as it may be there!

More posts like this possibly in the future!

☥

#i actually posted #irl vampire #living vampire #actually vampiric #vampire community #long text #tw blood mention #sanguinarian #sanguine vampire #sang vamp #psychic vampire #psy vamp #psi vampire #Vampire resources #sangaverage #sanguinarian vampire #☥

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moccahobi · 6 months

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Tangled Mess: The Park

Summary: You texted Hoseok asking to meet up at the park you met at. Hoseok is nervous.

Paring: Hoseok x GN Reader, Yoongi x Jungkook

Genre: Soulmate AU, Grad School AU, Young Professional AU, Angst, Fluff

Warnings: A Breakup

Word Count: 787 words

A/N: One more wrap up! I hope you all enjoyed this series as much asI have~

Tag List: @@daisies-and-dandelionpuffs

Part 13 << Masterlist >> Next Part

Hoseok looked around the park, taking in the familiar green spaces, the people resting in the sunlight, and the dogs running around. Once again, he’s at the closest park to his apartment. Normally he only spends time here when his work was extremely stressful. Long days stuck in the library made Hoseok yearn for a bit of fresh air and green. Somehow being here for a reason other than that filled him with a sense of wrongness and anxiety. For too long this place has been associated with releasing stress and exhaustion, but less stress during the semester was different than less stress during a break.

You were late. Hoseok didn’t know why you’d texted him asking to meet here already but now you were late and that was making him more confused. You weren’t often late to things. In fact, unless something was actively delaying you, you often were waiting for Hoseok by the time he arrived.

“Excuse me!” A child ran up to him, their eyes shy and apprehensive, and they barely looked at Hoseok. They looked anxious and that made him feel worse, “Do you think you could take a photo of me and my dog? My mom is off somewhere and I need this photo now.”

They held out a battered phone.

Hoseok nodded slowly, taking the phone and watching the child run off to a dog by the water fountain. After taking these photos, he would ask the kid if they needed help finding their mom. The kid seemed too anxious to be here without their mom.

After taking a few photos though, the kid ran up and grabbed the phone and ran away. Hoseok turned around calling out to the kid to make sure they were ok but quickly the words were silenced.

You were standing with a big bouquet of flowers and giving the kid a wad of money.

“What’s happening here?” Hoseok asked as he got closer, confusion growing as the kid giggled and ran away.

“My cousin wanted to help.” You said with a shrug, a small smile stuck on your face as you took Hoseok in.

“Help with what?”

You took in a deep breath, “Well… I… Gosh this is hard and I practiced it.”

Hoseok came closer, rubbing your shoulder to try to comfort you, “You got this. There’s no rush.”

Except Hoseok was wishing you’d spit it out. This was very nerve wracking. His fool heart was screaming at the flowers but his mind thought had no idea what this would possibly be (because it couldn’t be a confession). Why had you paid a kid to get Hoseok to take photos? Why did you have flowers? Why were you so nervous?

“All the time I’ve known you, you’ve been so thoughtful and kind. I really… like that about you. You’re considerate of everyone and work hard to make space for them. You shine so much. And your so passionate about everything, it’s breathtaking. All this to say, I like you romantically. I know you have a crush on someone and I don’t mean to confess so that you don’t confess to them, but it was on my mind so much and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had to tell you because otherwise I’d be full of so much regret. And these flowers are for you, you don’t have to accept them but I just felt like someone as amazing as you deserved something with a confession but Jungkook told me not to do a marching band or a banner or something too over the top.”

“You… like… me?” Hoseok asked slowly, his mind barely computing.

You nodded, holding out the bouquet for him.

Slowly he took it and smelled it. He’d never been given a bouquet from a romantic partner or potential romantic partner before.

“You don’t have to respond or accept! I honestly don’t expect you to. I just had to share. I hope that you’re able to date your crush and that it’s a long lasting relationship. We might need to talk about boundaries and stuff but I don’t mind that. I want what’s best for you.”

Hoseok looked down at their pinkies. Their hands were so close together that the string was smaller than a pen. Moving his hand closer, the string to smaller. Grabbing your hand, he watched as the string almost disappeared.

“When Jieun said I had a crush, they were referring to you.”

A large smile grew on your face, “Me?”

He nodded, readjusting the bouquet and pulling you into a hug. It was awkward because he also refused to let go of your hand but it was magical to Hoseok.

“You.”

#wkcnet #bts fanfic #bts fan fic #bts fanfiction #bts fan fiction #bts angst #bts fluff #bts soulmate au #bts supernatural au #bts yoonkook #bts yoongi #bts suga #bts jungkook #bts hoseok #bts jhope #series: tangled mess

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alatariel-gildaen · 7 months

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I am not doing well.

At all.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 42. I live at house number 42. As a life-long Hitchhiker's Guide fan, this is a birthday I've looked forward to for years (for my brother's 42nd a couple of years ago, I bought him a bowl of jet-black petunias, with a whale toy nestled amongst them. I was wondering how he would top it) but I cancelled my birthday this year.

Last year, my family drove down to visit us. My side of the family isn't large. Both sets of grandparents are dead, my mum was an only child, my dad's brother - who never had kids of his own - died when I was about 4. My brother is single and doesn't want kids or a partner. So my side of the family is me, my parents, my brother.

And we're close.

So yeah... they drove down to see me for my birthday. They stayed a couple of nights. They were going to leave shortly after breakfast on the morning of March 16th, but I persuaded them to stay just a little longer. To come with us to soft play, and then go after lunch.

They left mine at about 2pm. My little boy gets very distressed when people leave, so they had to sneak out (hence why they were originally going to leave after breakfast, straight from the hotel, so they didn't upset him.) As predicted, he got upset, and I texted mum. She answered straight away.

Anyway. She always gives me updates when she's on the road.

"We've just crossed the bridge. We're stuck in traffic. We've stopped for a coffee." And after an hour and three quarters, when I hadn't heard from her, I sent her a WhatsApp asking how they were getting on, then carried on playing with my 4 year old.

An hour later, I realised she hadn't replied. I checked my phone - the WhatsApp had been delivered but not opened. I didn't think anything of it immediately. Then half an hour after that, I saw that I'd forgotten to give mum her mother's day present, and messaged her again.

About another half hour after that message I realised what the time was, and started to worry. They ahould have been home, and still none of my WhatsApps had been opened. I called her. It rang and rang, with no answer. I tried my brother's phone. The same happened. I called Dad. Same again. I called and called and called, and by now panic was setting in.

So I began looking online for traffic updates. Any reason at all why they may be held up, unable to answer their phones. I saw that there had been an accident on the M25 around the time they were due to get there, and obviously my mind jumped to the worst. But the more I looked into that accident, it didn't seem to fit. Traffic reports said it involved a van and a lorry, and besides, if they were held up in traffic, they'd still be answering their phones, surely?

I looked at google maps, and the a21 looked completely blocked. Dark red for miles. I went on a local "what's happening" facebook group and there were several posts saying the same thing. Avoid the A21. Serious head-on collision. A stolen car being chased by police had ploughed into a white Audi, with three passengers. Two elderly. Judging by the suitcases, they'd been or were going on holiday.

I cannot begin to explain the horror of reading that. We began calling every single hospital we could think of, trying to track them down, and finally found them in Brighton. My mother-in-law raced over to us. The plan was that she would take me, my husband, and my son over to my sister-in-law's (which was on route) drop my son off there, then take me and my husband to hospital.

Just as my MIL arrived, the police turned up to tell me there had been an accident. I think they were very confused that I seemed to know more about it already than they did.

Anyway. The next 2 months were literal hell. My dad was in a coma, and at 80 years old, was walking a knife's edge between life and death. His list of injuries was extensive. From top to bottom, he had a broken shoulder blade, broken collarbone, every single bone in his right arm was broken, his elbow completely shattered, he had 5 broken ribs, his spine was fractured in two places, his pelvis was shatterd, his femur broken. One lung was punctured and collapsed, he had internal bleeding into stomach, his renal artery was damaged.

My mum and brother fared better. My brother had quite severe concussion and extensive bruising, but nothing else, my mum also had bruising and a small tear in her liver, but they were otherwise conscious.

After a week, both my mum and brother were discharged from hospital. We found a 2nd hand mattress that we set up in our living room, so that me, my husband, and my son could sleep in there, my brother taking my son's room, and my mum taking ours until dad could come home.

And he seemed to be miraculously improving.

But after a week, we received a phone call at around 3am. Dad had taken a turn for the worse. His heart had stopped twice, and they had made the decision to not resuscitate should it happen again. We should get to the hospital to say goodbye. We were told it wasn't a matter of 'if' but 'when.'

We stayed by his side for 36 hours, telling him stories. Remembering happy memories. And after those 36 hours, I remember the doctor's exact words. "I don't understand what miracle has happened here, but I think you are safe to go home."

My dad is a miracle. He improved. He woke up. 6 weeks later, he was well enough to be moved to a hospital closer to home.

But the trauma of those two months will always stay with me. I can no longer celebrate my birthday because the association and guilt that I was the one who made them stay later, and it was because of me that they were there in the first place, are too intertwined. I have been officially diagnosed with suffering from PTSD as a result of it. Yesterday was awful, but I know tomorrow will be even worse.

Tell your loved ones that you love them. I am fortunate to still be able to do so, but that can be taken away from us in a heartbeat

#personal shizz

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jonathanbiers · 1 year

Text

i lost the ask about it because i tried to save it to the drafts and it DISAPPEARED, but for those of you who voted 'i want your video' in my wip titles poll, i have written the sentences! this isn't the whole thing, but here's a lil sneak preview & reveal for what it's going to be.

the text included here isn't graphic, but mentions sex work, which the fic WILL later include. 🖤

from i want your video,

“They sound like they suck,” Argyle points out, exhaling as he presses the still burning end of the roach against the bottom of the ashtray.

Steve hums as if in thought, eyes turned up toward the ceiling. “I think mom would be okay with it, after some initial adjustment. Just not a conversation I wanna have with either of them, y’know—like, I’m not gonna call them and go, ‘Hey, mom and dad, I lied about the job thing. I’ve actually been selling videos of me touching myself on the internet, but don’t worry, it’s pretty good money.’” Steve looks over at Argyle with a put-on grimace. “Maybe let’s not.”

“Why ever not?” Argyle jokes, reaching over to set the ashtray down on the table by the couch. “I am curious, though—why only the solo stuff?”

“I’m not against the idea of filming with a partner. It just hasn’t happened,” Steve explains, his hand gesturing vaguely in the air. “It would have to be someone I trust. Turns out, that’s a very small list of people.”

The weed must be starting to really kick in, because Argyle doesn’t even really remember why he asked in the first place, doesn’t think twice before he lets slip, “You trust me, don’t you?”

He doesn’t even realize the implication of what he said, his already-short attention span even more of a mess. Not even when Steve considers him for a long few seconds, eyes giving Argyle a once over that, if it had been anyone else—and if Argyle’s self-awareness hadn’t gone out the window—would’ve made it obvious he was being checked out. Maybe because it’s Steve, and because they’re already friends, but it doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable like it normally does, put on the spot when he can tell someone’s eyeing him up.

It’s just Steve, and he’s just looking.

“Yeah, I trust you,” Steve says finally, his head lifting slightly so he can slide his own arm under it, the picture of comfort and ease. “If you want to, then yeah, I’m down. We’d just both have to get tested first—safety and all that important shit.”

“We—huh,” Argyle mumbles aloud, his eyes blinking like that’ll clear away the clouds hovering over his thoughts. It takes a second, but he remembers the earlier parts of the conversation eventually, his mouth dropping open just a bit. “Oh—” Argyle’s mind seems to pause completely while he grasps for words to say. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to come up with anything. “I think maybe I shouldn’t be high for this conversation.”

#*writing #stargyling it up in the word doc tonight #however after this im going to be shifting my focus to my stonathan week wip

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cuddlebugsirius · 2 years

Text

Jess’ Top 22 of 2022

I decided to do a fic rec list of my 22 top fics that I read in 2022, from lots of different ships and fandoms. We’re here to celebrate the effort that fellow writers put into creating magic for us all, fanfiction is such a massive part of my life and I think it deserves to have a spotlight shone on it’s greatness.

[I limited myself to 1 fic/series per author, which was more of a challenge than I thought it would be 😂]

So in no particular order and without further ado...

Bring Him to His Knees - 245k+, Dramione, E Rated

Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting.

Solntse - 60k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

Sirius, a young Russian billionaire hires Remus, who is working part time as a call boy to make ends meet. Things happen, feelings occur.

Did You Miss Me - 640k+, Wolfstar & Jily, E Rated

Though the new boy at Hogwarts University, James Potter, appears to be an adorable himbo with deep pockets, Remus Lupin and his friends instead find a horrifically dark past on Google. Did he really attack that boy and leave him for dead? Why won't he talk about his mysterious childhood best friend, "Pups"? Would it kill him to stop messing with his hair?

At least Remus got his phone back after losing it, but now he can't stop texting the mysterious number of the man who had sent it back. Padfoot is funny and charming, and Remus is NOT going to fall in love with him.

The PB to my J [AKA the one that converted Jess into a Wolfstar writer] - 270k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

A Modern AU Marauders texting with prose fic set at University.

Mainly Wolfstar - Will they? Won’t they? (They obviously will...) And a little bit of Jily too.

A Second Look - 120k+, Dramione, M Rated

Her best friend's life was a mess and she would have done anything to make things better for him and his sons. So, when she found her former enemy in a similar situation her heart went out to him as well... and the beautiful blond baby in his arms didn't hurt his case. It was certainly enough for her to give him a second look.

oh, I’m gonna let the future in - 40k+, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Potter, T Rated

Al doesn’t know what he’s doing. Not just with the new apartment, but with his life in general, and it doesn't help that his family quietly looks down on him. It feels as if they’re always waiting for him to do something spectacular, but without actually expecting it of him. They’ve given up on expecting anything of him.

Al only speaks English, and he sings in the shower, badly. He likes tea, and he cleans when he’s stressed. He sees a therapist. He has a total of two friends, and one of them is his cousin. He isn’t smart; he’s simple.

He wishes that could be enough.

Brooklyn Heights Books - 180k+, Stucky, E Rated

A man wearing a light denim jacket over a dark blue shirt came into the shop, a box tucked under his right arm. Despite it being late afternoon, he was wearing sunglasses with bright blue lenses, and his long, dark hair was pulled back in a messy little bun. A few strands had escaped, framing his strong, unshaven jawline. The man looked into the café, smiled widely, and waved in Clint’s direction as he kept walking into the bookstore, and Steve’s mouth went completely dry.

Beautiful, was the only word to describe that smile; straight, white teeth framed by full, lush, red lips, bracketed by laugh lines and an adorable dimple in his right cheek, a charming little chin cleft just visible under the light stubble—Steve was struck literally speechless. And that was before he got a glimpse of the man’s backside. Slim hips and a round, firm-looking ass led to long, lean legs that were encased in snug, dark blue jeans.

“Guh,” Steve said, watching the dark-haired man continue on to the back of the store.

‘tis the damn season - 70k+, Wolfstar, T Rated

“Where are you going?”

Remus turns. Sirius looks delightful; wine-flush and December drizzle painting his pale, pretty face the deepest carmine red. His spindly hands are twiddling at his front, as if he doesn’t know quite what to do with them. He sniffs, and exhales corporeal ice that sends a shiver running down Remus’ spine. He’s not sure if it’s from the cold or the alcohol or… something else.

Clean - 115k+, Dramione, M Rated

Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising."

Second Generation - 45k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black spent their late teens in a happy haze of sex, troublemaking, and playing in their band, but break up in college. But when their respective children get in trouble together more than 20 years later, Remus and Sirius find themselves at odds with their very different parenting styles and dealing with a spark that was never quite extinguished.

Dreamers - 45k+, Wolfstar, M Rated

In which Sirius did twelve years and meets Remus on a creative writing workshop.

The Searching Ceremonies - 580k+, Sterek, M Rated

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn't expect and aren't sure they approve of....

Quid Pro Quo - 105k+, Darklina, E Rated

The Slow Burn Breeding Kink Political AU

Cannibals - 20k+, Darklina, E Rated

It was very brief, the affair Alina Starkov had with her father.

Or: The Father-Daughter Incest AU

no shelter but mine - 65k+, Darklina, E Rated

“If you’re so worried about your daughter then why are you wasting your time yelling at me instead of caring for her?”

He stills. His fists clench, just once, and she can see the muscles in his jaw working, like it is taking him every ounce of will not to unhinge it, lean across the counter, and rip out her throat with his teeth.

Then he turns, without a word, and storms out the door, the tails of his black coat flying behind him like a cloak. Aleksander is in need of a nanny for his six-month-old daughter. As it so happens, Alina is the only person she likes.

Action - 20k+, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, E Rated

Jaime’s a famous action hero. Brienne is the stunt coordinator on his latest movie. She’s hated him since the moment they met, and the feeling is mutual. But there are ways to work out their aggression.

Lost & Found - 95k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, E Rated

When she realizes the husband she knew had departed, and she now had cold & hard mobster in his place, Sansa fakes her death and starts a new life in Wales.

And then Jon finds her.

It gets so hard to breathe (when you’re looking at me) - 57k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

When Sirius turns up at Remus' flat after the events at the Triwizard Tournament, he doesn't expect to find himself sharing a bed with Remus. Or getting so intimately involved in his life. Or to find out that they're mates and Remus wants nothing more than to push him up against the wall and make him forget his own name.

Or to feel so very complete.

But Sirius isn't complaining. Not one bit.

The Player’s Secret - 50k+, Wolfstar, M Rated

“So what’s he like? Full of it? Arrogant?”

“Yes,” he says, because he thinks that is a fair assessment. Sirius Black is full of it. He is arrogant. He’s also entitled and needy and smug. He’s talented, reckless, moody, selfish, childish, charming and sweet, and a million different other things Remus is trying to wrap his head around.

Sirius Black is hard work.

Remus Lupin is a successful documentary filmmaker who is assigned to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary featuring Sirius Black - one of the world's most brilliant footballers - as he competes in the European Championship.

All does not go smoothly.

The Same Way I Like My Coffee - 35k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, M Rated

Sansa Stark always liked her coffee hot and sweet. She finally found a guy that makes the sentence "I like my men the same way I like my coffee" real to her.

Jon snow has no right to be that hot.

Or: Sansa opens the coffee shop of her dreams, makes great friends and meets an unbelievably hot Jon Snow.

don’t pout, darling - 70k+, Dramione, E Rated

"when's the last time you let someone take care of you?"

"no one's ever wanted to," her whisper is delicate, sharp like porcelain glass, the edges raw and tender. she is sugar-soft, a little thing tucked into his chest, ears pressed against the heart that beats for her.

"i'll take care of you, i'm always going to take care of you," he cooed. “you're my sweet girl, my baby.”

or: a modern au ddlg fic

when we kiss: mmmm, fire - 39k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, E Rated

Sansa might be seeing someone casually, but thanks to Arya, Robb, and Theon, it’s Jon who’s got the inside track on how to get Sansa to take him seriously.

aka: the one where jon finds out that sansa has a daddy kink, and he uses it to seduce her away from the dating scene and into his arms, heeeey-oh!

#fic recs #wolfstar #stucky #darklina #dramione #wolfstar fic recs #Jess recs fics #wolfstar fanfiction #jon snow x sansa stark

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campgender · 24 days

Note

do you have any tips for online cruising? I’m new to kink in general but have lost a lot of mobility recently and my ability to socialize offline has diminished so while I want to amp up my sex/kink life I realize it needs to happen primarily online for now…

ooh what a fun question, i’m honored you asked me❣️ + i hope things are going as smoothly as possible for you in terms of adapting to your new mobility level! i went kind of broad here but you’re more than welcome to ask any other questions 💖

ofc all of this is with the major disclaimer that like, i’m just some faggot, i can only speak to what i’ve experienced + read, what works for you may differ substantially & that’s totally okay! on that note this is at times specific to tumblr or a similar posting platform as i’m not personally familiar with grindr etc

it’s fairly common practice in tumblr cruising spaces to make a notes app list or something similar with selected kinks, boundaries, etc, that way you can send it to a play partner for easy reference without necessarily sharing that information on a blog at large (though some people put similar reference lists in a pinned post, which is fine too!) not a requirement by any means but something you might find useful

consider what types of virtual sex acts you’re interested in / comfortable with (of course, it’s okay if this changes). options include sending and/or receiving photos, videos, or audio; a synchronous audio, two-way video, or one-way video call; and long distance app-controlled toys (eg Lovense)

what kind of check-in would you want afterwards, if anything? this can of course vary depending on the person & activity. at the expense of making a vast generalization, it’s my impression that in-person kink spaces promote norms of checking in a day or two after a scene by default (at least that’s what the texts i’ve read across various decades claim, which are certainly biased towards a positive portrayal of these communities in other ways) whereas in my experience (and to my dismay lol) this isn’t as much of a thing online, like there definitely have been people who’ve checked in with me without me asking but they were the exception

it can also be helpful to think about your feelings about fantasizing about scenarios you can’t physically do for disability reasons. there’s absolutely no right or wrong answer, it’s just another conversation i’ve had to hone over time lol. for probably 3 years i wouldn’t sext about stuff i couldn’t do (kneeling, for example) because it made me feel like shit about myself; then for a long while when “stuff i couldn’t do” almost always included “have sex in person,” i got more flexible about that, to different degrees with different people

you don’t have to talk about your sex life with anyone you don’t want to, but when possible it can be helpful to have a buddy (whether they cruise / have casual sex / whatever themself or not) to talk things out with if you have a negative experience or are worried or confused about something. i am very good at construing any situation to be my fault so if i’m triggering it’s helpful to give one of my housemates the basics of what happened & them be like you didn’t do anything wrong / they shouldn’t have done that / etc. i’m also happy to be a sounding board (as long as any ask/dm has the relevant content warnings) with the caveat that i can’t guarantee a prompt response. sex-positive resources like Scarleteen are also good grounding tools for me in terms of like, other people believe in these consent practices too

one aspect to consider especially with D/s play is the (potential) difference between messaging about a shared fantasy versus one person telling the other what to do in real time (for example, “and then i’d make you shake your tits for me” versus “now shake your tits for me baby,” or whatever).

for a lot of people the latter is a different set of boundaries, including being totally off the table. being told what to do, even without videoing it or otherwise ‘proving it’ to the other person, can be an incredibly intense experience and might create feelings in someone that they weren’t expecting

as an example of a boundary i learned the hard way, someone once told me like “shut up, stop typing. do XYZ” & it made me feel like i couldn’t message to safeword if i wanted to. ig just like, even if it’s not a big deal to you be aware that it could be a big deal to others, you know? & if it is a big deal to you that’s okay

personally i tend to tell play partners i’m fine with casual sexting whenever but need to set aside a dedicated time for a scene (for example, telling someone how to touch themself) which usually means scheduling in advance

it’s absolutely not your fault if someone does something without asking, but if you’re interested in subbing, it could be helpful to have a plan ahead of time for how you want to respond if someone just starts ordering you around. there’s nothing wrong with not responding the way you planned, i just feel less overwhelmed & more in control when i’m less caught off guard

as far as like finding virtual play partners i only know what i do lol

go into relevant tumblr tags for what i’m into, sort by most recent posts, read until i find something i’m into, see if that person is looking for hookups. if so check out their blog based on my, like, cruising criteria or whatever lol; if not maybe follow them if other posts are good. repeat

different like communities & kinks & such have different norms for getting around tumblr censored tags, sometimes making things one word or various positions of periods or slashes. “example k!nk” (that’s an exclamation point instead of an i) is a common format, same with adding “nsft” (not safe for tumblr). if you’re looking for disabled play partners and/or disabled porn the “disabled nsft” tag could be a good place to start!

i look in the notes of posts i think are particularly hot (or my own posts) for tags that are hot, interesting, or well-organized & check out those blogs

same for posts that make points about consent etc that i particularly agree with

so you’ve found somebody whose posts you think are hot who’s looking for / open to new play partners, now what? ofc everybody’s different but some of the stuff i look for when deciding whether to message someone:

do they have a tag or similar for serious posts, such as about consent, stereotypes, communication, etc? do they seem to have compatible views to yours?

can they recognize when they should (or when you’d want them to) drop character? some people’s blog personas are “always on” in a way that’s not compatible with what i need; someone adding an aside at the end of an ask they’ve answered to clarify or provide reassurance goes a long way

i’m not sure how to describe this exactly but like, is there flexibility & room for disagreement in their language? this is again a personal preference but while people taking a firm tone & making (unconscious?) assumptions & whatever can still be hot when i’m jerking off or something, it’s super stylistically incompatible with what i want in practice. the play partners i’ve been most compatible with are the ones who’ve answered asks more like “are you into X? if so i would do Y. or if not that’s totally fine, i’d just do Z 💕”

do they express their boundaries with other people?

i hope some of this is helpful! best of luck to you & have fun❣️

#i hope this is at least somewhat what you were looking for i feel like a lot of this is ‘obvious’ but i am Autistic #btw i drafted this in google docs & it was almost 1300 words. ty for the opportunity to ramble lol kisses if you want them mwah mwah 💋#asks #tomorrow sexting will be good again

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fanfic-recs-01 · 1 year

Text

Johnlock Fics

This is a list of John Watson/Sherlock Holmes fics I like on AO3, if you have any recs for me feel free to send me some!

Updated 8/13/23

Relationship Reveal

Yarders Find Out by MidnightMonster

~How the yarders or more specifically Greg gets to know about Sherlock's soldier husband, John Watson who had been in Afghanistan for a little bit more than two and a half years.~

Can't Be His Boyfriend by sorrowsofyore

~In which Sherlock has himself a doctor and Lestrade is just befuddled by it all.~

Secret acquaintances by whokilledholofernes

~Sherlock rushes from the crime scene after receiving a text. That leaves Detective Inspector Lestrade behind with the question: What is Sherlock hiding?~

(un)remarkable by intrinsicness

~Basically I want a fic where John is like this nice but seemingly boring guy who you've known for years but never really bothered to get to know much about because it's obvious that nothing interesting ever happens to him. In reality though his life is fascinating.~

A Study In Partners by LonelyThursday

~Sherlock and John met years before ASiP, but nobody told the Yard that~

The Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers by rhelia

~Alternate Universe where John and Sherlock were flatmates (and boyfriends) even before John enlisted, leading to one very surprised policeman.~

This is my friend, John Watson by SeamsInLine

~where Sherlock is married and the Yard doesn't even notice.~

Outed By a Drugs Bust by Inactive Account (sassybleu)

~Sherlock and John are together-but no one else knows that. The damage is done when Lestrade and his crew break in on a drugs bust.~

I Thank My Lucky Stars (For Every Crack, Scratch, and Scar) by burnedplaylists

~Greg was aware that Sherlock acting a bit out of the ordinary wasn’t unusual. In fact, weird was Sherlock’s own brand of normal. But he had been texting the bloke for a week straight with no reply, not even with the promise of a locked-room murder.~

A Surprise in 221B by lancesface

~Lestrade entered the flat prepared to find a consulting detective sulking on the couch due to the lack of cases but instead found a short blond man, wearing an oatmeal jumper, who was limping down the hallway towards the door.~

Illusory Correlation and Confirmation Bias by VanillaBegonias

~Looking back, there were a few things that should’ve tipped Greg off long before that night at the pub. A few things Sherlock left fairly obvious, that on reflection, made Greg question how he’d gotten his job in the first place.~

In Which Sherlock Is Hiding Something by Huffordle

~Sherlock is hiding something from Greg although the DI doesn't notice.~

Capt John H Watson, MBBS by anthonyedwardstark

~Sherlock has not been seen or heard from for more than a week. Lestrade decides to begin his search for the man at 221B Baker Street. When Scotland Yard's finest arrive at the flat, what (or rather who) they find is certain to surprise them.~

Sherlock's Secret by Superlocked_25

~Sherlock had a secret, one that he told no one. But people were becoming suspicious.~

Sherlock's "Friend" by Lavander_Clearwater

~Sherlock has been acting strange and Lestrade tries to figure out why.~

"Surprise! I'm gay!" by Awkward_bean_sky

~Sherlock suddenly doesn't answer any of Greg's calls anymore and he's worried to say the least. In the end, things aren't nearly as bad as he'd suspected.~

The Internet Is Not Just For Porn by cyerus

~John is Sherlock's internet boyfriend - from CANADA.No one thinks he's real.~

5687 (Approximately) by prettysailorsoldier

~When John's leave request for Christmas is denied, Sherlock is nothing short of devastated, not that he's letting it show. The holiday season now something he's just waiting to end, Sherlock doesn't think anything can possibly make it worse. That is, until he realizes no one in his life believes his army "boyfriend" is even real, but, luckily, everyone is in for a surprise.~

A Long Time Coming by thestanceyg

~Sherlock's been acting strangely, and Lestrade isn't sure why. One day he finds a shirtless soldier in Sherlock's flat and things start to make a lot more sense.~

The One Where Greg is Exasperated & Confused, Sally is a Cow and Sherlock is Apparently Married by WhatLocked

~When Greg first met Sherlock he was rude, abrupt, acerbic, strung out and practically homeless, and was most certainly not in any way marriage material. This is probably why, when four years later, Sherlock flippantly mentions that he is married, no one believes him.~

Sherlock's Little Secret by DoctorRainyStardusttheThird (orphan_account)

~Namely...an army doctor boyfriend. During a drugs bust, the Yarders stumble upon something they weren't expecting.~

The Imaginary Boyfriend by Oliver_966

~John and Sherlock met after Johns first leave, and have been in a relationship for years. Sherlock hasn't ever mentioned this to anyone at the Yard, and when he does they turn it into a joke. Sherlock doesn't care though of course, because he knows his John is real.~

Sherlock's Who? by freakypet

~John has been away for Sherlock's entire career and suddenly returns to London unexpectedly from Afghanistan. Injured and tired and in pain, all he wants is to surprise Sherlock and kiss his husband. His search to find and surprise his wayward partner takes him across London and meets him up with those in Sherlock's world he has only heard about until now.~

Misc.

What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls

~Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes…infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.~

The Blind and the Clueless by InTheShadows

~5 times Greg saw John was perfect for Sherlock but didn't say anything and one time he did.~

Division by MrsNoggin

~John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes. Coffee Shop AU.~

Without Knowing How by kinklock

~John grows up reading about a fictional detective named Sherlock Holmes but, after nearly dying in Afghanistan, finds himself in a world where Sherlock Holmes is very much real.~

"finally kiss the bloody idiot" by Salambo06

~"John and Sherlock know the Yard has a pool going for when they’re finally going to get together. It’s been running forever, and it’s worth thousands of pounds. It’s all fun and games, hahaha, until they find out Lestrade is in dire financial straits and they decide to fake a relationship to win the pool for him. Sherlock figures out the day and way that Lestrade thinks it’s going to happen, and they act it out. It’s all for a good cause, fake relationship style, until it’s not."~

Off on the Wrong Foot by Unloyal_Olio

~John and Sherlock aren't flatmates. Instead, John gets a job in Bart's morgue, and Sherlock attempts to abscond with body parts.Which is just not on.~

He’s Not Paid Enough to Deal with This Shit by janonny

~(Or the one where John returned from the war and ended up working for Mycroft as his personal assistant slash doctor on retainer. Everything was fine, until he was sent to post bail for one Sherlock Holmes.)~

An Officer, A Sociopath and A Soldier Walk Into A Bar by ourdancingdays

~...And the punch line is for their ears only. / When Greg started yet another drugs bust, he expected the decomposing ears and infuriating detective, but not the war hero husband leaning against the kitchen counter.~

Cherry Hearts by harrypotteryaoi

~Lestrade's team is unaware that Sherlock is in a relationship, but an accident on a case leads them to meet someone unexpected.~

The Soldier by Evandar

~Captain John Watson meets Sherlock Holmes in Afghanistan and - after a whirlwind romance involving spies and giant monsters - marries him on the army base there. Months later, he's shipped home to his husband wounded.~

Five Times John Noticed But Didn't Really by ScandalousMinds

~5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock's relationship but really missed the obvious.~

The Other Kind Of Drugs by Yuval25

~'Flushed, dilated pupils, and that weird text. Clearly, Sherlock's back on drugs, right?' A worried Detective Inspector Lestrade decides a drugs bust is in order. Little did he know, the new drug that Sherlock's got himself addicted to is much more... human. And blond. And a doctor.~

Signs of Life by DefNotForWork

~The Yarders have a pretty well developed view of Sherlock Holmes. Cold, cruel, dispassionate and robotic. He simply doesn't register as human. As Sherlock and John fall farther and farther in love with one another, however, the proud men and women from NSY find themselves facing irrefutable evidence as to the true existence of a heart in Sherlock Holmes.~

The Imaginary Boyfriend by Oliver_966

Homecoming by nbcravenstag

~Greg Lestrade always knows when there's something wrong with Sherlock Holmes. When the detective stops talking, stops eating, doesn't come to crime scenes, and barely moves from the red chair in 221B, Greg starts to worry that he's using again, and this time, he's in too deep to be helped. That is, until a certain soldier shows up at a crime scene.~

#johnlock #fic recs #sherlock holmes x john watson

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writingwenches · 1 month

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TEXT BASED ROLE PLAYING GUIDE

Because I enjoy detailed directions for everything I do, do avoid general or social anxieties, I made a detailed post about Long Forum Text Based Role Playing, using my own experiences with the medium. I'm sure not everything below will be completely universal, but I tried to be as detailed and broad as possible.

Most of my experience is based on forums, which will be discussed below. So, this is NOT a guide for exclusively tumblr based RP, if that's what you're looking for, I'm not the best person for that.

This is a general guide for Text Based Role Play, with plenty of definitions, I am here for any questions, comments, etc! I might not be the best to answer questions, but I will try my best!

Glossary and Definitions

Glossary Term: Driver

Just to make things easier "The Driver" is the person behind the character, the IRL human writing them. Just to make this explanation easier. It's an old term, might not be in use currently, but it'll make explaining this easier, trust me. When referring to another Driver that you are RPing with, a common term to refer to them is your "RP Partner."

Glossary Term: Posts/Replies

The simple word to describe what you, the driver, posts that the other driver is going to interact with. It could be a few characters or thousands of words. It can also be called a Reply if you are replying to another driver's post.

Glossary Term: Threads

Threads are a collection of posts in the order that tells the story! Like chapters in a book. You need to read them in order, or it won't make sense. It could be thought of as scenes in a movie. The number of driver’s characters in threads are up to the drivers. There can be multiple drivers per thread, though it is most commonly between two drivers. There are various methods/programs to organize threads, we'll go over this later.

Glossary Term: Forum RPs

I am not technically considering Tumblr a "Forum RP" in this below explanation, BUT tumblr can act as an organization forum, if drivers don't want to create an entirely new website to manage. This is the term for sites, many hosted by JCINK, where each character has their own account. This means Drivers can have many accounts, one for each character. Usually, characters have an Avatar, but some forums can have beautiful and complex layouts to make everything ~vibes~ Some people join Forum RPs with just one character, it's really about personal preference and time commitments. A Forum RP is the place to be if you want loads of different character options and driver options to chose from. Though, the downside for many with hectic IRL lives, it is a bigger time commitment because there are more drivers involved. Learning restraint and being realistic with your time commitments on these types of RP is very important. If a driver disappears for a month, coming back might be hard if all the other writers have moved on with plots. Now, Forum RPs understand this and have very blatant/public ways for Drivers to list their activity levels so everyone can be on the same page. One post a month, per character, is usually the minimum requirements, but the site could ask for more, especially if the character is important to the overall site plot (such as a canon character the RP is based of off).

Glossary Term: One x One/1x1

This term is used when looking for a SINGLE other driver/partner to RP with, rather than joining a group of drivers on a forum, where everyone's characters are in the same world and can all be interacted with. A One x One Thread is described when there are only two drivers in a thread, even on forum sites. Sometimes the threads are about each driver's single character, or each person is driving multiple characters and there's a whole cast involved. There's no real wrong way to do a 1x1, is both drivers are happy!

Glossary Term: Group Threads

Threads with more than two drivers is usually referred to as a "Group Thread", this usually only ever happens on a forum. The general rule about posting in group threads is referred to as "Post Order," this means that the drivers post their replies in the order they joined the thread. Just to make sure that everyone is included, and no one is left out. With permission from the next-in-line driver, you can skip over them in the posting order to keep things going. Group thread ettique asks that the drivers be mindful of when its their turn and rely to the thread within a set time frame, just to be considerate of others. This is why Group Threads are harder to maintain for some people (like me T.T), especially if a driver's life gets away from them. "No Posting Order" would be usually stated at the beginning of a thread if you want all the drivers to go nuts and have fun without worrying about skipping others. This is most common in "crowd" type scenes, maybe a crowded classroom, or large groups of people reacting to something, such as a natural disaster/emergency situation. In No Post Order Group Threads, there could be multiple scenes and plots going on between different groups of characters. Its more for many different types of characters to interact together where they might not usually get to. They are fun, but not everyone's cup of tea.

Glossary Term: Open vs Closed Threads

On Forum RPs, as a rule of etiquette, threads are usually labeled at the beginning to let everyone know who is allowed to post. Open: Means anyone can join! If your character can work with whatever is written, join in! Closed: usually refers to a thread that has a set cast already. You do not post in these threads unless invited. Tags: with new forum tech, digital tags came into play! Just like @ing someone here. So, now most closed threads will list the people invited, and as a way to alert people. A reason why a thread doesn't list the tags might be if the drivers have some surprise planned~ you might be “tagged” by other driver, probably meaning it’s your turn to post!

Technical Terms: Types of Posts/Threads

There are many different types of RPing! I will go over MY experiences with the different types, but I only have experience with Long Forum, Text Based, Online RPing. So, my apologizes if I state wrong info about other types! Long Form Post: Usually, I write full descriptions of characters' emotions, actions, thoughts, physical descriptions, worldly descriptions, etc. Just like you would writing fanfics, or reading books. Reaction Gif x Dialogue: It's hard to say "the opposite of Long Form posts" but this is basically that. Instead of writing full descriptive posts, the driver can choose to just write the dialogue, and use a reaction gif of their character to get across a particular emotion. This is generally seen as a fast way to RP, and very popular here on Tumblr! (if there is a technical term for this, someone let me know!) Long Form Post Type – Rapidfire Post: rapidfire post/threads is a term used by Long Form RPers when they want to do some short/quick scenes and postings. I am not sure if other types of RPing use Rapidfire method. Its more focused on action and dialogue rather than the pretty prose of it all. These posts can be as short as a few words or sentences, though it is probably most common with 1-3 short paragraphs.

Technical Terms: Text Based RP

I'm just throwing this out there for some knowledge, this could be thought of as the opposite of a "Table Top RP" like classic Dungeons and Dragons. Instead of using our voices, we are writing everything down. I also use this term to distinguish that I, personally, do not lean heavily on reaction gifs. They are super fun to use! And I use them sometimes when they are relevant, but a Gif Based RP might be a better term for reaction gif post threads. The term "Online RP" is also commonly used when referring to not being physically in-person around a table, but RPing over the internet. Lol.

How to Get Into It

Where do you do it?

My journey began on Neopets kids forums (lol), to AIM, to jcink forums, to Discord. My personal favorite is a Jcink Forum, with many drivers, each with many characters! However, with so many people, sometimes plots can move very fast. Unfortunately, I have a full time job that is relatively draining and I can't be on my personal devices at work. I know many people who forum RP all day at their job between tasks and like tbh...life goals LOL I'm not able to keep up and it makes me sad, but! it's always going to be there for me to go back to! Forum RPs will always be my home turf, but life just gets in the way, doesn't it? T.T Forum RPs have an entire advertising ecosystem to get new members, and entire Tumblrs and Discord servers dedicating to matching people with the Forum RPs that fit them best. Tumblr has a thriving RP community, from what I've mostly seen, many of these group RPs are "Reaction Gifs with Character Dialogue" RPs, which is just not my personal favorite because for my characters, their dialogue isn't the most interesting thing, and I usually can't find accurate gif representation from proper time periods, etc. They're just different and everyone has their preferences~

Before You Start: Discuss Limits

Just like in all other areas of life, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! In order to avoid messy interpersonal situations, it's always good etiquette to discuss anything and everything you think is relevant before you begin. I listen the most common ones, but everyone is different, and we all need to protect our own mental health! So, if its important to you, just ask! The system introduced by RPG Rating has been the gold star for decades. I will include their rating examples below, just to give people a good idea of what to ask for, if they do have preferences. Language Levels: "No Swearing Permitted" - "Infrequent to Mild" - "Permitted with limitations" - "Swearing is fully acceptable" Violence Levels: "No violence permitted" - "Mild violence is permitted" - "violence is permitted with some limitations" - "Explicit violence is permitted" Sexual Levels: "No sexual content is permitted" - "Mild sexual innuendo and references permitted" - "Sexual content is permitted, with some limitations" - "Sexual content may be described in detail" The main difference factor between levels 2 and 3, is the explicit nature of the writing. There is a "Fade to Black" technic, mimicking the movies/tv trope, where the post ends with the IC phrase fade to black, meaning that the driver is done speaking about the sexual encounter and would like to pick up the scene in the afters of the sexual acts.

Writing Discussion: Tense and Person

Personally, I don't think it matters that all parties are using the same tense. I'll switch tense in the iddle of a paragraph because this is a fun hobby and does it really matter?? For some people, YES! So, discuss this ahead of time. I tend to lean more towards Past Tense, just 'cause. First Person, Second Person, Third Person – personally I've seen it all, and I've RPed where we each used our own Person and it's all fine. It's about communication, baby! There's no wrong way! Personally, I usually use Third Person, mainly because I am a "character slut" meaning I have too many OCs in play at once, so Third Person is easier if I'm controlling three people in a scene/thread. You do you.

Other discussion topics: Post Length, Vibes, etc.

In long form writing, it is sometimes good to mention the approx word count of your usual posts. My posts are usually on the longer side, sometimes a few thousand words, and tbh some people just aren't into reading that much, and that's okay~ Its good to be honest with partners at the beginning, so no one gets annoyed or sad later~ Also, it could be smart to include the vibes you're looking for in the interaction. If someone is writing fluff, and the other is writing angst, it might not mesh well. It can totally happen, and be the plan, we just want to make sure everyone has the right expectations~ Also, this is where the general reminder to HAVE FUN goes! This is a hobby, and if doing this isn't bringing you joy, please tell your partners! Posting out of obligation is NEVER fun, sometimes people get into a rut and force themselves to post to get back into it, but if you want to stop...just let your partner know! You can always try again! Or, maybe you don't make the best partner match! Life moves on!

How to Begin: Starters/First Posts

Okay, you found a partner, have other drivers, everyone has their characters picked LETS GO! I'm just getting into the nitty gritty technical because I dare you to stop me. Starter: Usually the word "starter" is used when the drivers don't have a specific plot in mind, or any real inkling of where the scene will go. A basic starter should establish a setting, what your characters are doing, and something to react to (we will go into this later) There is a skill to writing starts on a forum site, to appeal to the broadest number of characters! First Post: The same as a starter, but people usually use this term when they have more of an idea of what they want to happen in the thread. Nothing fancy.

General short starter example –

A young girl sits beneath the mighty tree at the center of the godswood in the heart of the castle, the tree held an important role, honoring the gods of the old world, watching and judging all who come before it. Aemma thinks this is ridiculous and she always told all who would listen. The old gods were old for a reason, she worshipped The Faith, the one true religion that will one day judge all the world. Personally, Aemma thinks all the godswood trees all over the kingdom should be cut down!

Aemma Velaryion was the eldest daughter to Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen, the Heir to the Iron Throne. She had no interest in ruling, the only thing that interested Aemma was becoming a proper mother, something her own mother was unskilled at.

A gust of wind blew her knee length hair across the grass around where she sat. Her hair blinded her vision for a moment, and was surprised when she opened her eyes again. “Oh, it’s you. I didn’t hear you coming,” Aemma said, brushing her hair back into place with her fingers, “well, what do you want?”

Things to note: I wrote this above example under the guise that "other drivers might not know this character, so I'll do a little intro to get everyone up to speed!" if all the information about Aemma's character was known by all drivers, I could have left that out~

General reply to above post example (pretend Im a different driver)

Cordelia Lannister has lived the majority of her life in the royal court, she knew she was supposed to tell people she hailed from Casterly Rock, but she could count the number of times she’s seen on one hand. Cordelia was much younger than the other girls at court, but she was expected to behave just as well. Much to her surprise, she found someone most unexpected in the godswood, where she enjoyed to relax in the afternoons, especially afternoons like this one, where the sky was about to open up with rain.

“Oh! Princess Aemma!” Cordelia said, bowing quickly when she noticed the princess. “I’m sorry to disturb you!” She never knew what to say to Aemma, the princess seemed to have everything Cordelia didn’t. “I…I’m sorry, princess, I thought you hated the godswood trees, I wouldn’t have expected to find you seated beneath one.”

Things to note: In the first post, it is clearly stated that Aemma lets everyone know that she hates the godswood trees, so it is perfectly acceptable information for Cordelia to know. Highlighted BLUE for example: seeing as the first post did not mention the weather, the second post had the right to establish it. Now, both characters can react to the upcoming rain, or even start it raining!

Technical Terms: IC vc OOC

Everything within the post that is happening in the story is considered "In Character" and shortened to IC. The opposite of IC is OOC or "Out of Character." If the driver wants to say something witty in the middle of the thread, or most often at the start/finish they would denote "ooc: blah blah the earth is flat etc" just to make sure no one is confused LOL

Technique: Color/Bolding Dialogue

You might have seen some writers do this, some forum sites have integrations that to this automatically. This is for two main purposes: ONE is for the readers, it makes things easier to skim if you don't have all the time in the world to dedicate to it, TWO you skimming your own work, some threads can go on for months! Some threads never end, LOL So, it helps to scroll back and be able to quickly find dialogue to jog your memory of events~

Lets do the dang thing: RP Fundamentals

No Godmodding

Godmodding is a broad term to cover a few things. It is based in the ideas of fairness, communication, and respect. "Don't move/touch my characters" – the idea that only the writer driving the character can decide things for them. For some people, this could include "don't assume my character lets your touch them". I will have some examples below. Godmodding behavior could look like – Character A knows something about Character B, but Character B only ever thought those feelings and verbally reacted differently. Character A should not automatically assume they know what Character B is thinking, perhaps unless they are life-long friends. The best way to avoid these behaviors is to ASK the other driver. "Hey, Character B said this, but do you think My Character A would know they are lying?" this puts it on the other driver to decide, its all about being considerate~

Give them something to REACT TO

This is the skill that takes time to come up with for people just starting, unlike other forms of writing Text Based RP works in a specific way, and perhaps the most important part to keep things going, it being proactive about reactivity. In your post, you want to make sure to give the characters' from other drivers something to DO, or to SAY. RPing is a form of communication, as well as prose writing! You want to make sure, somewhere in the post, there is safiniante action to keep the story going. We've all had conversations that just kind of petter off, and that is not really socially engaging. Thankfully, we can avoid this in RP, because we are choosing how the interaction will go. Text based RPing is still RPing which has its base in improv! There's plenty of content about improv online and on youtube, they discuss giving your partner something to react to.

Example of Reactions, and suggested improvements

[...] A gust of wind blew her knee length hair across the grass around where she sat. Aemma was engrossed in the book she was reading.

Sure, another character can come out and spook her, or walk up and start a conversation about her hair. This might not be the best place to leave the plot, if you want to give the other driver something to work with.

[...] A gust of wind blew her knee length hair across the grass around where she sat. The wind flew pink flowers, tangling them into her long silver hair as it covered her face. Aemma could not see anything.

Here we have some options for reaction, Aemma has flowers in her hair someone could comment on, or help her out with. Or they could really sneak up on her now, because she can't see.

[...] A gust of wind blew her knee length hair across the grass around where she sat. “Oh, it’s you. I didn’t see you there,” she said when she noticed someone standing in the grass with her, “well, what do you want?” [OR without dialogue] [...] A gust of wind blew her knee length hair across the grass around where she sat. Suddenly, a large spider crawled over the pages of the book she was reading. Aemma screamed and tossed the book in the air, she heard it hit something– or someone behind her.

Much more to work with here! It doesn't always need to be dialogue, but some type of interaction. The second example leaves the second driver to decide if the book hit their character, or missed~

Godmodding Examples and Suggestions

Aemma: MY character; Cordelia: Other Driver’s character.