#ten kings of underworld

[deadshadowcreature]

More Qiankun Halo 💫

Nezha knows Wukong better than Macaque, which is why he hold no grudges against him when he messed up and I’m all ears for their early brotherly dynamics

I know Nezha didn’t go to Hell when he killed himself but it would be funny if he did in lmk

[triclitch]

Have art dump

Click for better res

[journeytothewestresearch]

Ten Kings of Hell

Those who have read Journey to the West (1592) will know that the Ten Kings of hell appear in chapter three. This is when Monkey's soul is dragged to the underworld, and after causing trouble, he crosses his name out (as well as those of all monkeys) from the ledgers in hell.

Here is a book PDF that discusses the 9th/10th-century scripture that first introduced the Ten Kings.

https://journeytothewestresearch.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Stephen-Teiser-The-Scripture-on-the-Ten-Kings-and-the-Making-of-Purgatory-in-Medieval-Chinese-Buddhism-1994.pdf

[alilcherrysramblings]

I dont know if this has already been asked but anyway- Is the Kings of The Underworld the ones who deleted MK's memorys in your Inkbound fanfic?

Because i have been hearing some theories in the general LMK community that, that might also be the case in the real show.

I actually never heard that theory before— now I’ve gotta look for it lol.

Also��� ding ding ding! Yup! I knew someone was gonna guess it eventually, especially since I’ve been sorta dropping lil hints—

Now imma go look for that theory

[mayra-quijotescx]

Hey writers, if you're worried about narrative flow and fitting every detail into your scenes to make sure they connect to each other, go read Journey to the West through at least chapter 4 and let phrases like "[this] does not concern us for the moment" and "we shall not elaborate here on [that]" set you free.

[ryin-silverfish]

A Guide to the Chinese Underworld (and what it isn't)

As many FSYY and fox posts as there were on my blog, I am actually a huge fan of the Chinese Underworld mythos. Mostly because I was once a morbid little kid that loved reading about the excavations of ancient tombs, and found the statues depicting hellish torture in the Haw Par Villa "super cool".

Apart from the aesthetics, the history of its evolution is also fascinating. Most of us, Chinese or not, only know the most popular version of the Underworld——the "Ten Kings" system, yet that isn't always the case. So today, I'll start off with a short summary of that.

In pre-Qin era, there was already this generic idea of a "Realm of the Dead" called the Yellow Spring, Youdu, or Youming, but we know very little about it.

Then, in the Han dynasty, two ideas start to emerge: 1) the Underworld is a bureaucracy, 2) the God of Mt. Tai ruled over the dead.

This early bureaucracy might not function as an agent of punishment; the main focus was on keeping the dead segregated from the living so they wouldn't bring diseases and misfortune to the latter, as well as using those ghosts to enforce collective punishments upon people for their lineage's wrongdoings while they were still alive.

Post-Han, after Buddhism entered China and took root, its idea of karmic punishments and reincarnation and the figure of King Yama was merged with folk and Daoist ideas of the Underworld bureaucracy, and, came Tang dynasty, resulted in the "Ten Kings" system that first appeared in Dunhuang manuscripts.

It was very rudimentary and far from well-established, as seen in Tang legends, with some adopting the Ten Kings system, some sticking to the Lord of Mt. Tai and some favoring King Yama, and overall little agreements on who's in charge of the Underworld.

But the "Ten Kings" system would become the mainstream version from then onwards, used in Ming vernacular novels and made even more popular by folk religion scrolls like the Jade Records (Yuli Baochao).

As such, most points in the following sections will be based on the fully matured "Ten Kings" system of the Underworld, as seen in the Jade Records and JTTW.

What happens when you die?

(This is a fictionalized walkthrough of the posthumous fate of souls under the "Ten Kings" system. I try to stick to the very broad progression outlined in the Jade Records, but many creative liberties are taken on the details.)

Let's say there's a guy named Xiao Ming, and he had just died of a heart attack. Bummers. What now?

Well, the first thing he saw would be the ghost cops.

There isn't really an unanimous agreement on who these ghost cops are: they may be a pair of ghosts in white and black robes, wearing tall hats (Heibai Wuchang), they may have the heads of farm animals (Ox-Head and Horse-Face), or they can just be generic ghost bureaucrats. For convenience's sake, let's say it was the first scenario.

"Who are you guys and where are you taking me?"

"Glad you asked!" The taller ghost cop, being the cheerful one of the pair, replied. It wasn't very reassuring, considering that his tongue was dangling out of his mouth way further than it should. "I'm the White Impermanence, my sour-looking colleague here is the Black Impermanence, and we are taking you to the City God's office."

This City God, a.k.a. Chenghuang, is just like how it sounds: the divine guardian of a city, who also pulls double duty as the head of the local Dead People Customs Office. They are usually virtuous officials deified posthumously, and in JTTW, they fall under the category of "Ghostly immortals", together with the Earth Gods a.k.a. Tudi.

So Xiao Ming went with the two ghost cops——not like he had much of a choice, made his way through the long queue at the City God's office, and was now standing in front of a gruff old magistrate in traditional robes.

"Name?"

"Wang Xiao Ming."

"Age and birth dates?"

"21, April 16 2003…"

After he was done asking questions, the City God flipped through his ledger, then picked up a brush, ticked off Xiao Ming's name, and told him to go get his pass in the next room. More waiting in a queue. Wonderful.

"I never heard anything about needing a pass to get to the Underworld," the girl in front of Xiao Ming asked the ghost cops, who were standing guard nearby. "Is this a new policy or something?"

"Yeah. In the old days, we'd just drag y'all straight to the Ghost Gate." The ghost cop in black said, then muttered to himself, "Fuckin' paperworks and overpopulation, man…"

(This "Dead People Passport" thing was popularized in the middle-to-late Ming dynasty, as shown by the discovery of such documents inside tombs in southern China. )

(It might have evolved from similar passes to the Western Pure Land in lay Buddhism that recorded their acts of merits. Which, in turn, might be traced back to the "Dead People Belongings List" of Han dynasty, to be shown to Underworld bureaucrats so that no one would take away the dead's private property down there or something.)

Anyways, after he received his pass, Xiao Ming departed together with the rest of the bunch, to be led to the Ghost Gate. It was like the world's most depressing tourist group, where instead of tour guides, you got two ghost cops in funny hats, and the only scenery in sight was the desolation of the Yellow Spring Road.

They weren't the only travellers on the road, though. Xiao Ming noticed other groups moving in the far distance, behind the fog and the flickering ghostfire, led by similar figures in black and white.

It made a lot of sense; realistically, there was no way two ghost cops could fetch hundreds of thousands of dead people all by themselves.

(SEA Tang-ki mediums believed there were multiple Tua Di Ya Peks——Hokkien name for the Black and White Impermanences, working for different Underworld Courts.)

At last, the Ghost Gate stood in front of Xiao Ming, guarded by two towering figures. Normally, they'd be Ox-Head and Horse-Face, like what you see at Haw Par Villa's Underworld entrance.

However, older Han dynasty works like Wang Chong's 论衡·订鬼 also mentioned two gods, Shenshu and Yulei, as guardians of the Ghost Gate, who would use reed ropes to capture malicious ghosts and feed them to tigers, making them possibly the earliest incarnation of "Gate Gods".

So here, they were what Xiao Ming sees, standing side by side like proper doormen, silently watching herds of ghosts being funneled through the entrance.

The place was more crowded than a train station during the CNY Spring Rush; the ghost cops had already said their quick goodbye and left to fetch the next group of dead people, leaving the resident officials of the Underworld proper to maintain order and quell any would-be riots.

Now you started seeing the Ox-Head and Horse-Face guys, poking at unruly ghosts with their pitchforks and dragging away the violent ones in chains. Among their ranks were other monstrous beings, blue-faced yakshas and imps, but also regular dead humans who look 100% done with their jobs, like the lady who stamped Xiao Ming's pass when it was finally his turn.

After this point, Xiao Ming had entered the Underworld proper, and his next destination would be the First Court, led by King Qin'guang. Here, his fate should be decided by what is revealed in the King's magical mirror.

If Xiao Ming was a good guy, or someone who had done an equal amount of good and bad things in life, he'd be sent straight to the Tenth Court for reincarnation. However, if the mirror, while replaying his life events, had displayed more evil deeds than good ones, he'd be sent to one of the 2nd-9th Courts for judgment and then punished inside the Eighteen Hells.

Each of the Ten Kings was also assisted by ghostly judges. Many of them were righteous and just officials in life who had been recruited into the Ten Courts posthumously——Cui Jue from JTTW is one such example, while others were living people working part-time for the Underworld, like how Wei Zheng, Taizong's minister, works part-time for the Celestial Bureaucracy in JTTW.

We decide to be nice to Xiao Ming, so, after reliving some embarrassing childhood incidents and cringy teenage phases in front of a bunch of dead bureaucrats, he was found innocent and sent to the Tenth Court.

The queue here was almost as long as the First Court's, stretching on and on alongside of the banks of the Nai River. King of the Turning Wheel made his judgment without even lifting his head when it was Xiao Ming's turn:

"Path of Humans, male, healthy in body and mind, ordinary family. Next!"

Exiting the Tenth Court building, Xiao Ming saw the Terrace of Forgetfulness, standing tall before six bridges, made of gold, silver, jade, stone, wood, and…some unidentified material. Before he could get a good look at them and the little dots moving across those bridges, he was hurried into the Terrace by the ghostly officials.

Now, both JTTW and the Jade Records mention multiple bridges across the Nai River. In the former, there is 3, and the latter, 6. The bridges made of precious materials are for people who will reincarnate into better lives, as the wealthy, the fortunate, and the divine, while the Naihe Bridge is either the common option or the terribad shitty option.

However, the Naihe Bridge proved to be so iconic, it became THE bridge you walk across to reincarnate in popular legends.

Anyways, back to Xiao Ming. He found himself standing in a giant soup kitchen of sorts, with an old lady at the counter, scooping soup out of her steaming pot and into one cup after another.

This is Mengpo, the amnesia soup granny; according to the Jade Records, she was born in the Western Han era, and a pious cultivator who thought of neither the past nor the future, only knowing that her surname was Meng.

Made into an Underworld god by the Jade Emperor, she cooks a soup of five flavors that will wipe the memory of the dead, making sure they do not remember any of their past lives once they reincarnate.

It tastes awful. Like what you get after pouring corn syrup, coffee, chilli sauce, lemon juice and seawater into the same cup.

Such was Xiao Ming's last thought, as he gulped down the soup, and then he knew no more.

Things you should know about the Chinese Underworld:

1. It's not the Christian Hell.

Rather, the Chinese Underworld functions somewhat like the Purgatory, in that there are a lot of torment, but the torment's not eternal, however long the duration may be. Once you finish your sentence, you get reincarnated as something else, though that "something else" is not a guaranteed good birth.

Other people can also speed up the process via transferring of merits: hiring a priest/monk to chant sutras and perform rituals, for example, or performing good deeds in life in dedication to the dead, or they can pray to a Daoist/Buddhist deity to save their loved ones from a dreadful fate.

Interestingly enough, a thesis paper I read mentions that, whereas Buddhist salvation from the Hells was based on transference of merits——you give monks offerings and pay them to chant sutras, so they can cancel out the sinners' bad karma with good ones, Daoist ideas of salvation tend to involve the priest going down there, sorting it out with the Underworld officials, and taking the dead out of the Hells themselves.

(The paper also stops at the Northern-Southern and Tang dynasties, so the above is likely period-specific.)

2. Nor is it run by evil demons.

Underworld officials are not nice guys and look pretty monstrous and torture the sinful dead, but they are not the embodiment of evil. Rather, the faction as a whole is what I'd call Lawful Neutral, who function on this "An Eye for An Eye" logic, where every harm the sinner caused in life must be returned to them, in order for their karmic debts to be cleansed and move on to their next life.

They can absolutely be corrupt and incompetent and take bribes——Tang dynasty Zhiguai tales and Qing folklore compendiums featured plenty of such cases, but that's a very mundane and human kind of evil, not a cosmic/innate one.

This is just my personal opinion, but if you want to do an "evil" Chinese Underworld? It should be a very bureaucratic evil, whose leaders are bootlickers to the higher-ups, slavedrivers to their rank-and-file workers, and bullies who abuse their power over regular dead people.

Not, y'know, Satan and his infernal legions or conspiring Cthulu cultists.

3. The Ten Kings are not Hades.

Make no mistake, they still have a lot of power over your average dead mortal. But in the grand scheme of things? They are the backwater department of the pantheon, who only show up in JTTW to get pushed around and revive the occasional dead people.

When Taizong made his trip to the Underworld, the Ten Kings greeted him as equals——kings of ghosts to the king of the living. If they see themselves as equal in status to a mortal emperor, then, like any mortal emperors, they are subordinate to the Celestial Host, and the balance of power is not even remotely equal or in their favor.

Also, it isn't said outright, but under the Zhong-Lv classification of immortals JTTW is using, Underworld officials will likely be considered Ghostly immortals, the lowest and weakest of the five types, much like Tudis and Chenghuangs.

Essentially: they are ghosts that are powerful enough to not reincarnate and linger on and on, spirits of pure Yin as opposed to true immortals, who are beings of pure Yang.

It's pretty much the shittiest form of immortality, the result you get when you try to speedrun cultivation (the Zhong-Lv text also made a dig at Buddhist meditation here), and if they don't reincarnate or regain a physical body, there is no chance of progressing any further.

Oh, and fun fact? In the Song dynasty, commoners and literati elites alike believed that virtuous officials in life would get appointed as ghostly officials in death.

However, the latter viewed it as a punishment. Which was strange, considering how they still held the same position and the same amount of authority, just over dead people instead of living ones, so there should be no big losses, right?

Well...it was precisely the "dead people" part that made it a punishment. See, a lot of the power and prestige they had as officials came from the benefits they could bring to their families and kins and native places, as well as the potential wealth and reputation bonuses for themselves.

A job in the Dead People Supreme Court would give them the same workload, but with none of those benefits. Since all the dead people had to reincarnate eventually, they couldn't have a fixed group as their power base, or keep their old familial ties and connections. At most, they could help out an occasional dead relative or two.

Like, working for the Underworld Courts was the kind of deadend (no pun intended) job not even living officials wanted for themselves in the afterlife. That's how hilariously sad and pathetic they are.

4. In JTTW at least, they aren't even the highest authorities of the Underworld.

That would be Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha, who is technically their boss, though he seems to be more of a spiritual leader than someone who is actually involved in running the bureaucracy.

Which makes sense, since he has sworn an oath to not attain Buddhahood until all Hells are empty, and his role is to offer relief and salvation to the suffering souls, not judging and punishing them.

Now, historically...even though Ksitigarbha in early Tang legends was still the savior of the dead, he seemed to be unable to interfere with the judicial process of the Underworld, merely showing up to take people away before they were judged by King Yama.

However, in the mid-Tang apocryphal "Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha" (地藏菩萨经), he had evolved into the equal of King Yama, with the power of supervision over his judgements. By the time the Scripture on the Ten Kings came out, in artistic depictions, the Ten Kings had become fully subservient to him.

5. Diyu usually refers to the prison-torture chamber part, not the courthouse, nor is it the entirety of the Underworld.

And for the majority of souls that haven't committed crimes, they'll only see the courthouse part before they are sent to reincarnation. That's why I personally don't like, or use the name Diyu for the Chinese Underworld: I prefer the term Difu ("Earth Mansions"), which encompasses the whole realm better.

Also: even though historical sources like the Scripture on the Ten Kings and Jade Records seem to suggest that the dead were just funneled through this Courthouse-Prison-Reincarnation pipeline with no breaks in between, in practice, that isn't the case.

According to popular folk beliefs, after the dead were done with their trials/sentences, they stayed in the Underworld for a period of time and led regular lives, while functioning as ancestor spirits and receiving offerings.

Which would imply that the Underworld had a civilian district of sorts, populated by regular ghosts, making the whole realm even less of a direct Hell/Purgatory equivalent.

6. It is located in a different realm, but still part of the Six Paths and doesn't exist outside of reality.

In Buddhist cosmology, like the Celestial Realm, the Underworld is part of the Realm of Desires and thus subject to all the woes of samsara.

The pain and misery of the Path of Hell may be the worst and most obvious, but becoming a celestial being isn't the goal of serious Buddhists either: despite all the pleasures and near-infinite lifespan they enjoy, they are not free from samsara and will eventually have to reincarnate.

So if, say, the world is being destroyed at the end of a kalpa, all beings of the Six Paths will perish alongside it, leaving behind a clean slate for the cycle to start anew. The dead won't all end up in the Underworld and face eternal damnation.

7. The Black and White Impermanences would not appear in the Underworld pantheon formally until the Qing dynasty.

The concept that when you die, you get fetched to the Underworld by petty ghost bureaucrats is already well-established in Tang legends, but these were just generic ghost bureaucrats in all sorts of colorful official robes, with yellow being the most common color.

The idea of there being two specific psychopomps in black and white would only become popular in the Qing dynasty. Mengpo is kinda similar: although she existed before the Ming-Qing era as a goddess of wind, venerated by boatmen, her "amnesia soup granny" incarnation came from the Jade Records.

[under-your-floorboards]

Okay but I love the idea that everyone just thinks Nico calls himself the Ghost King as like an emo thing but no, he literally is that. They all find out it’s his actual title little by little in the most unusual situations.

Uh oh, the Hekate cabin summoned the wrong ghosts during a seance and now the spirits are tearing up the place! No worries tho, we have a resident son of Hades, right? Nico walks into the cabin and immediately, the items that were being thrown around like an indoor hurricane all drop to the floor at once. Three little kid ghosts appear in front of Nico with their best smiles as he sighs down on them like “what did I tell you three?” And proceeds to lecture them for the next ten minutes while the Hekate campers watch on struggling to understand what was happening until Nico opens a rift to the underworld and corrals the three through while the kids call “come play with us again, King, or we wouldn’t get bored and come mess with people!” As they disappear into the mists.

Or like Thanatos appears in CHB one day and everyone is freaked cause who died?? Are they all dying?? What’s happening?? But no, he just glides over to Nico and bows respectfully with a “King Nico, a pleasure to see you again. It seems I will need your assistance again with wayward souls I have recently reaped from mortality” and Nico is just sucking a juice box as he nods along to all of this as if it’s another fucking Tuesday. Then he just leaves,, with the God of Death after promising Will to be back by dinner so everyone is like ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ and then there’s like Percy and Annabeth off to the side like ‘imagine having royal duties at 14, couldn’t be me’

Please, I need this

[quitealotofsodapop]

I had an evil little thought at midnight based on the fight under the mountain Wukong had. Specifically the "Everything I did was for US" line in a context separate from stone eggs.

I still think it's true. We discussed in the DMs how Wukong and Macaque met and fell in love, how Wukong's fight with Havoc had not been as easy as the book would have us believe and how a direct consequence of that fight was Wukong being dragged into Diyu. In the event of Wukong and Macaque being childhood friends who were separated after a very short interaction as cubs and then meeting again as teenagers during the mess with Havoc, he'd recognize his cuboid friends name as someone destined to die soon and panic because he had promised they'd meet again and he couldn't meet with Liu'er if he died! So in addition to wiping his name he wiped Liu'er and then as many other monkies as he could to cover the fact he was specifically protecting Macaque.

In the case of the Immortal Peaches, it was less about the insult to his hard work and more about the fact that Macaque was deathly ill, didn't even know he was sick too since he had always been sickly and simply thought he was jsut having one of his usual episodes, and only two known cures. One that is rare beyond belief and one being regular dosages of a certain type of peach that Wukong was tending to the orchard of at the time when Macaque's illness had worsened.

Thus when he was told that demons were not to partake in the peaches, the only thing that could save his mate's life, he made a desperate, drunken play. He'd already been sneaking peaches down to Macaque, usually the worst of the crop, the ones who still have the immortal properties he was looking for but wouldn't be missed by the celestials. But now he wasn't going to be subtle anymore. The Pills of Immortality were taken in error, being unable to tell what they were from his drunken stupor as after destroying the party and stealing all the peaches he could he had taken the wone and lost himself to it, drinking his sorrows over wasting his time trying to appease gods who never would have saved his mate away. The War was fought for the sake of seizing control of the Orchard for Macaque, nobody but Wukong knew this.

Which brings us to the fight under the mountain. And how Macaque had called Wukong out, claiming him to be a selfish demon who just did whatever he wanted and sought nothing but power for himself. When the truth was anything but that. And then later, the battle where Wukong himself became the very thing to claim the life of the beloved he had fought so hard to spare from the pain of death.

A spare copy of the Book of the Dead, an unofficial prototype of sorts, is found. And Li Jing and Queen Mother opened an investigation on many things, namely the true cause of death for the Jade Emperor, based on that information. One of the record keepers doing the investigation reached out to Macaque upon discovering the inconsistency in his cause of death.

We discussed this idea in the Dms for a while, and the work-in-progress name for the idea is "Drafted Fate" for reasons that will become clear soon:

"The Book/Scrolls of the Dead", like any real official published work, has a draft copy containing most of the details of the final product.

However, while the Draft Copy may have the information of those included in the final Book of the Dead, it cannot be altered to change the fate of those listed. It's also constantly being updated by a team of exhausted record keepers. It also can be pretty outdated in some sections, especially considering those who became immortal afterwards or had a revival or two.

Think of it like an entire room full of jumbled scrolls and files with stick notes and corrections sticking out of them.

After the events of S5 with the loss of the Ten Kings; the Underworld has been scrambling to stay functioning as normal. King Yama hasn't slept in weeks. A few times, Xie, Fan, Ox-Head and Horse-Face are so overworked that they legit forget to collect any souls to process and there was a straight week where no one died.

One too many goofs happen and Yama shouts for the Record Keepers to get him the Draft Copy so he can fact check what's written down in the book.

Soon afterwards, The Six Eared Macaque is summoned forth by the infernal collectors...

Ox-Head: "Liu'er Mihou, according to the records shown in the Book of the Dead and your official Scroll, you really should be dead." Macaque, bored: "Yeah, yeah. All those years ago when I fought Wukong." Horse-Face: "No not that. According to the Draft Copy - you were fated to die nearly two thousand years ago!" Macaque, confused on so many levels: "The what?" Ox-Head, reading a drafted Scroll: "Yup, right here. Liu Er Mihou. Prolonged chronic illness, before you reached adulthood." Macaque: "That... makes no sense. I haven't been seriously ill in ages!" Horse-Face: "The entry is no lie. Although your name is not in the official Book of the Dead, your cause of death was predetermined long before Sun Wukong scrubbed his and many other monkey's names from the records. There is one or two corrections added here for times you should have died later on but somehow avoided those fates as well." Macaque: "I mean... I remember not being the healthiest cub, but I figured that was from being born on the Moon and not adapting to Earth's environment so good." (*The collectors share a look*) Ox-Head: "If I am not mistaken... this particular illness can only be treated and cured by regularly ingesting divine plant life. Namely, either bloomed Crimson Jimsonweed OR..." Macaque, unease growing: "Or what?" Ox-Head: "Peaches from the Empress's orchard." Horse-Face, nods: "There's a reason why they act as an antidote for most toxins." Macaque: "Think the first time I ever ate a Peach like that was when..." (*realising*) "Oh no..."

It quickly becomes clear that the reason Wukong was so insistent on his best bud having his fill of peaches was more than a friend sharing the bounty of his work or theft. But rather it was Wukong's way of treating Macaque's illness without alarming him or making his condition known to those who would have exploited it.

See, Wukong got a good look at the official Book of the Dead when he disbuted his unlawful capture into the Underworld. He saw not only his true name and predicted death... but that of his closest and oldest companion.

A death that would come to pass with or without his name in the Book.

Macaque's mind is reeling with the implications. How long did Wukong know? When did he discover that the Peaches of Immortality could treat his condition? When did he start sneaking the forbidden fruit to him under threat of punishment by Heaven?

Did a loyal attendant seeking panacea for his dearest friend reach his breaking point upon learning he would be denied the same fruit that the immortals fragrantly feasted upon?

By the gods, did he stumble drunkenly into Lao Tzu's lab the night of that fateful banquet seeking a cure?!

Macaque: "Peaches, answer me this question honestly and I will spend eternity taking back the things I said." Wukong, nervous: "Yeah?" Macaque: "Did you know of my intended cause of death all those centuries ago?" Wukong: (refuses to answer) Macaque: (sighs deeply. More disappointed in himself than Wukong's inability to explain his actions) Wukong, quietly: "It wasn't fair… the immortals could eat peaches like candy and you were dying on earth..." Macaque, voice catching in throat: "And I- Under the mountain I had thrown it all in your face... you... you really did do it for us. For me." Wukong: (*smiles wistfully*) (*the pair share a hug. both smell heavily of peaches*)

Macaque never complains about Wukong's habit of offering him peaches ever again.

And the celestial royal family, upon checking the Draft Copy of the Book of the Dead, discover an unusual pattern amongst those Sun Wukong has had contact with...

Namely that they're all supposed to be dead according to the predictions deemed concrete since time incomparable.

See, in Journey to the West; the Buddha describes Wukong's powers as such:

"Knows transformations, Recognizes the seasons, Discerns the advantages of earth, And is able to alter the course of planets and stars."

Wukong seems to be confused by the last line. He's pretty sure he hasn't been tossing stars and planets around.

In the context of this Au/idea; the last part isn't (entirely) literal.

You see, one of the most popular forms of traditional fortune-telling and prediction-making in China comes from careful calculations of a person or thing in conjuncture with planetary bodies i.e the planets and stars.

The Buddha had basically warned everyone present that Wukong had the ability to literally change fate. For better or for worse...

Makes sense for a creature partially formed by the Goddess of Positive Chaos, Nuwa herself, to ignore the plans the universe had set out for everyone else!

[aliciavance4228]

The Iliad: Funny Moments

The year was 850-750 BCE. No phones or underwear in sight. Pants were for the uncivilized only. Unibrows were attractive. And then, one day, Homer decides to write the first Greek Mythology Fanfiction ever, called "Troy Story".

Here is a list of moments from the Iliad which I personally consider to be quite hilarious:

1. Early on in Book 2, before the enormous list of Greek fighters and ships:

Agamemnon tries to motivate/test the army by claiming that he's given up and they're going home. This backfires, as a stampede for the ships ensues.

In response, Athena comes down and gives Odysseus a pep talk. He promptly and unceremoniously takes Agamemnon's scepter out of his hands and runs around brow-beating and occasionally actually beating men who were turning from the fight. It all comes to a head when he takes the scepter and beats the crap out of the Argives' resident disfigured hunchback who was doing nothing but making jokes at the Argive leaders' expense. In fact, the narrative itself stops and mentions that the scene was so hilarious, the soldiers in-story were laughing raucously.

Within Agamemnon's speech, his roundabout method of explaining how badly the Greeks outnumber the Trojans: let's say they have a truce, and each side takes a census, and each group of ten Greek soldiers gets one (male) resident of Troy to pour their wine. "There would be many tens of men lacking a pourer of wine."

2. At one point early in the story Paris steps out among the Trojan soldiers, described as looking like a god, and dares any Greek soldier to come up and face him in battle. Menelaus steps forward to answer the call—and Paris promptly flees back behind his soldiers.

3.Menelaus beating Paris up with his bare hands, while the latter still has his sword. The dramatic way in which it's written makes it a tad more serious, until you remember that Menelaus is choking Paris with the strap of his own hat.

4. Throughout the book, the Greeks continuously throw spears at Hector, but Apollo just deflects them into his charioteer instead, before Hector just picks up another random guy off the battlefield. This happens numerous times throughout the book that it's almost a running gag.

5. The Greeks send an embassy to beg Achilles to come join the fighting again. At first he receives them in friendship, but when he's heard them out, he has Patroclus start passive-aggressively preparing a bed for the only member of the embassy he's invited to spend the night, to signal to the others it's time for them to leave. Thus proving that "it was so nice to see you, but wow, look at the time, we should be getting to bed!" is a tactic Older Than Dirt.

6. When Hera seduces Zeus to distract him, he describes how attractive she is by comparing her with some of the other women he's slept with. It takes about 20 lines in the original Greek.

7. During the battle between the men and gods, Artemis squares up with Hera after her brother decides against fighting Poseidon. You'd think Artemis, the epic huntress and receiver of human sacrifice she is, armed with a powerful bow and fitting the Action Girl trope to a tee would utterly wreck the seemingly frilly, stuck up, less capable Hera. Hera instead chastises Artemis for being a brat biting off way more than she can chew, gives her a verbal tongue lashing before snatching Artemis's bow away before she can get a shot off to give her a lashing with that. Artemis gets wailed on so badly she literally is sent running away crying home to her daddy Zeus.

8. One tangent mentions Hades making a grand entrance at Pylos, only to be immediately shot with one of Heracles' arrows, forcing him to abandon the fight and flee to Olympus to heal. Later, Poseidon makes an earthquake so strong Hades jumps out of his chair in fear that the Underworld will be exposed due to the quake.

9. Early on in the epic, King Priam calls to Helen to explain to him who is leading the Greek army - Agamemnon, Odysseus, Menelaus, etc - because Priam doesn't know who they are. The Greeks have been at war with his kingdom for nine years before this point. One would imagine who had such a role would be at the forefront of his thoughts or that he would at least bother to remember their names, especially since a Pre-Iliad episode had Odysseus and Menelaus before him arguing that Helen be returned.

10. After a long discussion of their ancestries, Glaucus and Diomedes shake hands and exchange armor as a pledge of Sacred Hospitality. The narrator notes that Glaucus got ripped off, because his armor was worth over ten times as much.

11. A wounded Sarpedon thinks he's about to die and begins giving Hector a Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie speech. Hector, who he'd been arguing with several verses back, runs right past him without answering.

12. The standard heroic epithets being used at incongruous times. Godlike Paris hiding from Menelaus, godlike and enduring Odysseus running away while Diomedes yells at him to come back, Menelaus being called "beloved of Ares" while Ares is trying to get him killed, glorious Ajax the Lesser taking a spill face-first into ox dung...

13. Menelaus is shot and wounded. Agamemnon immediately begins mourning his brother and gets through a whole speech before Menelaus can get a word in edgewise to explain that he's still alive.

Credits: TV Tropes

[kaisntbreathing]

Making out wt HH characters?

Yes tysm Anon <3

MAKING OUT WT HAZBIN HOTEL CHARACTERS

SLIGHT NSFW WARNING AHEAD

PLOT SUMMARY:

Making out wt Hazbin Hotel Characters wt a lil ✨ spice ✨

WARNINGS:

SLIGHT NSFW(?), explicit explanations of tongues, mouths, and fangs, Demon forms (Lucifer, Alastor, and Vox), reader gets a tiny jolt (Vox), consensual(preemptive) hypnosis (Vox), Valentino, Male whimpering (Lucifer), horn grabbing, reader is a demon, reader is female, oversized reader (Lucifer),

A/N:

💀

༶•┈┈⛧┈ ♱ ┈⛧┈┈•༶

ALASTOR

⛧ One day while you were at the Hazbin Hotel, you had nothing really important planned for the day so you had decided to go help Nifty clean up. You lifted her up to the higher places she normally couldn't get to as her height prevented her.

⛧ As usual everyone went as they normally did through the day as you helped and assisted Nifty, eventually Alastor came back as per usual but this time he was momentarily stunned by you helping the closest thing to a daughter figure (aside from Charlie) he had, clean. All with a gentle smile on your face as you held the small demon up as she cleaned, you noticed Alastor giving him a smile.

⛧ Later on that day it was much later in the evening, almost midnight as you were sleepily stumbling through the hallways as Alastor couldn't help but pin you against the wall with his shadow as he himself emerged from the darkness as he pulled you into a heavy and hot kiss.

⛧ God help you if you try to hold onto his little black antlers or his perky red and black ears, he'll go fucking feral. As the kiss eventually and rather quickly got more feverish and passionate, his true demon form slowly leaked through as his black antlers grew in size very slowly.

"My little fawn..."

LUCIFER

✝︎ You had been happily married to the king of Hell himself for about nine years and your anniversary was a few days away, it would be marking ten years, and you couldn't be any more excited for it either. Anyways, you'd gone shopping the other day for some new clothes and you we're trying it on in your and Lucifer's shared room.

✝︎ You were undressed and relaxed in your natural demon form as your tail swished around behind you and your horns curled around your head as you looked at yourself in the mirror as you wore a pair of black lace underwear and a matching black bra, suddenly you heard the door click open as you spun around covering up instinctively as you looked at the door as your husband stood there mouth agape.

✝︎ As you realized it was only him you relaxed and uncovered yourself as you smiled at him as he still gawked over your perfect form as you greeted him and walked towards him for a hug as you hugged him he flushed brightly, your chest cupping together perfectly as you squished against him as your thighs jiggled as you moved, and your tummy spilled over your underwear slightly as your hips dipped very slightly but they were full, your tail swished around behind you happily as you felt the bond between you both flutter around you making your skin tingle as he cupped your cheek pulling you down pressing your lips gently against his as he started slow and gentle as the kiss slowly got more heavy and hot.

"My queen."

VOX

⚡︎ You and Vox had a established relationship and you meant the whole underworld to him, you were his everything in his eyes you were absolutely perfect in every single way, he loved you without a doubt and you both knew it, and of course you loved him to. This being said you both had already established boundaries and rules and he knew what you did and don't like.

⚡︎ When he's out at work or doing some kind of business you're wandering around his and your shared apartment cleaning up or trying to pass the time, practically watching the hours and minutes tick by antagonizingly slowly, waiting for your lover to get home to you. You always felt the safest in Vox's arms or at his house, safe enough to let your demon form show freely as you walked around.

⚡︎ When he gets home finally you immediately perk up no matter how tired you were, looking for him as you quickly went to him, you clung to him as you nuzzled into his suit his teal blue claws gently held your thighs holding you up as you locked your legs around him as he pressed you into a hot and steamy kiss and he pinned you against the wall, as his hands explored your body curiously as he took over your mouth as he pinned your wrists above your head with one hand as he pressed his free hand into your side gently sending a jolt through you, making you gasp and squirm.

⚡︎ If you allow him to he'd be more then happy to use his ability to hypnotize you while you have spicy time or while just making out, either way it feels like a hazy fever dream and it feels good.

VALENTINO

♡ Making out with him is on a totally different level than anything else you've ever experienced before and you absolutely love it, if you let him he'd happily use his pink smoke on you while getting it down or just making out.

♡ He has more than enough pairs of hands to hold, grab, and grope you with and he's got the tongue and talent to do it, he loves holding your curves and cupping your chest while shoving his tongue down your throat as pink smoke swirled around you both fogging your mind making your head spin and your eyes closed and rolled back into your head as you whimpered as he tugged on your collar gently.

♡ He chuckled as he pulled away leaving you breathless and panting heavily trying to regain your breath as you looked up at him as you squirmed around on his lap whining softly.

"My babydoll."

[pompomqt]

Journey to the West Chapter 58

In this chapter of Journey to the West with @journeythroughjourneytothewest Sun Wukong faces off against his shadow self. So let's get into it shall we?

So Sandy and Monkey head off together towards Flower Fruit Mountain, with Monkey traveling much slower then his usual pace to keep pace with Sandy who is still suspicious of him. However Sandy's suspicions of Monkey are slightly allayed when they get there and find that there is indeed another Sun Wukong. Monkey takes the presence of this clone just as well as Sandy took it early- which is to say that he attacks the clone on sight.

The two are evenly matched, and even if Sandy wanted to try and get in the middle of that to try and give the real Wukong a leg up, he no longer knows which one the real one is. After watching the fight for a while, Sandy decides to make himself useful by trying to find their stuff, however he's unable to find where the false Wukong stashed them. Eventually Monkey calls out to Sandy to just go report back to Tripitaka, while he battles his way over to Guanyin's place so that she can help tell them apart. So Sandy head's back to Tripitaka, while Monkey, and fake Monkey heads for Guanyin.

The two Monkey's continue brawling in Guanyin's front yard, while one of her servants go to alert Guayin to the situation. When she comes out the two Monkey's give her a rundown of the situation, and ask her to tell them apart. So Guanyin has them separate from each other and has two of her servants grab them both while she recites the tight fillet spell. However when Guanyin starts reciting the spell they both act like they are in unbearable pain and beg her to stop, which she does. Now out of idea's, Guanyin tells them to go up to heaven so they can their problem instead of hers.

So Monkey and fake Monkey fight their way up to heaven, and once they've disturbed the peace enough to garner an audience, the two Sun Wukong's once again explain the situation and ask for an audience with the Jade Emperor, once it becomes clear that none of the gathered gods can tell the two apart either. The gods figure that they don't want to get in the middle of... whatever this is, and make way so the two of them can brawl their way to the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor isn't to happy about the two Sun Wukong's brawling in his palace, but since I doubt he wants beef with either of them, he just summons Prince Nezha's father, who brings with him an imp-reflecting mirror. They both stand before the mirror, however even in the reflection they can not be distinguished from each other. Since the Jade Emperor gave it his best shot and failed, it's time to pass the buck once again- this time they're going to go and bother Tirpitaka.

Meanwhile, Sandy has caught back up with Pigsy and Tripitaka and is giving them a run down of the situation. Tripitaka feels bad about accusing Monkey of something he didn't do, but apparently he doesn't feel to badly about, since once the two Monkey's crash down to earth, he has no problem whipping out the tight fillet spell to see if that will help. Which it of course doesn't. Although in his defense I guess he doesn't know that Guanyin already tried that. Anyways, as flattering as it is that they actually thought Tripitaka might be useful in this situation, it is once again time for them to become someone else's problem. Permanently if Tripitaka has anything to say about it, since although he knows about the clone now, that doesn't change the fact that the real Sun Wukong is the one who killed those bandit earlier. So Tripitaka is still mad at him and currently has no plans on taking him back on as a disciple.

That's a problem for later however. For now the two Monkey's decide to take their fight to the underworld to see if the Ten Kings have any insight into this situation. Tripitaka meanwhile tells Sandy that he should go back to Flower Fruit Mountain and check behind the waterfall for their stuff while the two Monkey's are preoccupied. Pigsy however volunteers to go in Sandy's place since he's been behind the waterfall before and will probably have better luck finding it.

Meanwhile the two Monkey's have made their way to the underworld. Some of the spirits manage to alert the Ten Kings about this issue, and the two Monkey's explain the current plot to them. Now knowing the situation the Kings bring forth the registry to see if it can help, unfortunately it's not very useful, partly because this is the very same registry Wukong himself vandalized about four immoralities ago. However unlike the last three groups they asked for for help, these guys actually have a plan B. They call forward a beast called 'Investigative Hearing' who has the ability to perceive true from false. And this beast actually does manage to learn the name of the imposter, but he can't reveal it here. For the imposter is actually as powerful as the real Sun Wukong, and would probably wreak havoc here in retaliation if they reveal him.

So instead the beast suggests that they take this problem up with the Buddha himself, since he'll likely both be able to tell them apart and actually do something about it. Both Monkey's agree to this new course of action and continue their fight to the Western Heaven, where Buddha is currently giving a lecture on why being of one mind is important. The Monkey's arrive just in time for the Buddha to point them out as examples of what happens if you are of two minds instead. Once again the two Monkey's settle down long enough to give the Buddha the recap episode of the last few chapters. And while none of Buddha's cohort's can tell the difference between the two, the Buddha can, and just as he's about to reveal it Guanyin arrives for this surprise lecture from her teacher.

Buddha asks Guanyin if she can tell the difference between the two Monkey's, and Guanyin confesses that she can not, and has come here to ask if Buddha can enlighten them on the situation. Buddha goes on to say that despite everyone's vast power and knowledge, none of them know everything. As they know, there are five kinds of immortals; the celestial, the earthbound, the divine, the human and the ghostly. And there are also five kinds of creatures; the short-haired, the scaly, the hairy, the winged, and the crawling. This imposter however does not fall into any of those ten categories. Instead he is one of four special primates that do not belong to any of these ten species.

The first special monkey is the intelligent stone monkey, aka Sun Wukong himself. Who knows transformations, recognizes the seasons discerns the advantages of earth and is able to alter the course of planets and stars. Next we have the red-buttocked baboon, who has knowledge of yin and yang, understands human affairs, is adept in it's daily life, and is able to avoid death and lengthen it's life. Then there's the third one, the bare-armed gibbon, who can seize the sun and moon, shorten a thousand mountains, distinguish the auspicious from the inauspicious and manipulate planets and stars. And finally we have the six-eared macaque who has a sensitive ear, discernment of fundamental principles, knowledge of past and future, and comprehension of all things.

Therefore the Buddha deduces that the imposter must be the six-eared macaque. Knowing that he's been made, the macaque tries to make a run for it, but Buddha's cohorts have him quickly surrounded. And when the macaque tries to shapeshift into a bee to slip past them, the Buddha traps him under and alms bowl. The macaque then reveals his true form, and Wukong immediately kills him. The Buddha isn't to happy about this, but Wukong explains that he was a criminal that assaulted and robbed his master, and would have been executed under the court of law anyways.

And I guess Buddha is willing to accept this logic, since instead of scolding him further he just tells him to go back to Tripitaka. Monkey however explains that Tripitaka doesn't want him anymore, and instead asks that the Buddha remove the fillet so he can just go home instead. Buddha however just says he'll send Guanyin with him to make sure that Tripitaka takes him back. So Guanyin and Wukong head back to where Tripitaka and Sandy are waiting. Guanyin explains about the six-eared macaque and tells Tripitaka to take Wukong back on as a disciple since he won't be able to reach the west without his protection. Tripitaka agree's and thanks Guanyin, meanwhile Pigsy arrives just in time to explain the other half of the situation. He's got their stuff back, and killed the imposter Tripitaka and Pigsy, who were just normal monkey's while he was at it. Which honestly, I'm surprised that Wukong wasn't upset about, those are his people after, and they were kind of forced to go along with all of this by the Macaque. Anyways, now that the story is completely wrapped up, Guanyin takes her leave, and together once again, the pilgrims continue on their Journey to the West.

Current Sun Wukong Stats: Names/Titles: Monkey, The Stone Monkey, The Handsome Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Monkey awakened to the void), Bimawen (Banhorseplague), The Great Sage Equal To Heaven and Pilgrim Sun. Immortality: 5 + 94,000 years Weapon: The Compliant Golden Hooped Rod Abilities: 72 Transformations, Cloud-Somersault, Ability to transform his individual hairs, super strength, Ability to Summon Wind, Water restriction charm, and the ability to change into a huge war form, ability to duplicate his staff, ability to immobilize others, the ability to put others to sleep, and the Fiery eyes and Diamond Pupils, intimidating horses, churning large bodies of water, sleeplessness, seizing the wind, enhanced smell, discerning good and evil within a thousand miles, Spirit Summoning, lock picking, object transformation, distance reduction, vanishing in a flash of light, super healing, transforming others, and Invisibility Demon Kill Count: 10 + Unknown Number of Minions Human Kill Count: 1039 God's Defeated: 23 + Unknown number Defeats: 7 Crime List: Robbery, Murder, Mass Murder, Arson, Theft, Coercion, Threatening a Government Official, Resisting Arrest, Assault, Forgery, Employee Theft, False Imprisonment, Impersonating a Government Official, Treason, attempted murder, failure to control or report a dangerous fire, desecrating a corpse, breaking and entering, trespassing, violating Tree Law, looting corpses, trading counterfeit goods, criminal threat, animal abuse, Assisting or Instigating Escape, Damage to Religious Property, contaminating a substance for human consumption, Identity Fraud, and Disorderly Conduct Cry Count: 9 + 3 fake cries Mountains Trapped Under: 4

Current Tang Sanzang stats: Names/Titles: River Float, Xuanzang, Tang Sanzang, Tripitaka and the Tang Monk Abilities: Curing Blindness, making branches point a certain direction (allegedly), reciting sutras, pretty privilege, memorization, Heart Sutra and Meditation. Cry Count: 30 Tight Fillet Spell Uses: 63 Paralyzed by fear: 6 Bandit Problems: 3 Kidnapped by demons: 9 Falling Off Horses: 10

Current Bai Long Ma Stats: Names/Titles: Bai Long Ma (White Dragon Horse), Prince of the Western Ocean, and third prince jade dragon of the dragon king Aorun Abilities: Transforming into a human, a water snake, and a horse, eating a horse in one bite, flight, Magic of Water Restriction, Singing, and Sword Dancing. Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Arson, and Grave Disobedience. Contributions to the plot: 3 Kidnapped by demons: 1

Current Zhu Wuneng Stats: Names/Titles: The Marshal of the Heavenly Reeds, Zhu Wuneng (Pig who is aware of ability), Zhu Ganglie, Pigsy, Idiot and Eight Rules. Weapon: Rake Abilities: 36 Transformations, parting water, fighting underwater, cloud soaring, size enhancement and CPR Demon Kill Count/Kill steals: 5 Kidnapped by Demons: 4 Human Kill Count: 1 Failed Flirtation/romances Attempts: 4 Cry Count: 2 Crime List: Sexual Harassment, Murder, Kidnapping, arson, defamation, Damage to Religious Property, contaminating a substance for human consumption, Identity Fraud, Theft and Forcible entry

Current Sha Wujing Stats: Names/Titles: The Curtain-Raising General, Sha Wujing (Sand Aware of Purity), Sandy and Sha Monk Weapon: Monster Taming Staff Abilities: Fighting underwater, Cloud soaring, and fetching water from a well. Demon Kill Count: 1 + Unknown number of minions. Kidnapped by Demons: 3 Human Kill Count: 1 Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Breaking a Crystal Cup, murder, desecration of a human corpse, Damage to Religious Property and contaminating a substance for human consumption

Previous - Masterpost - Next

[chonggen]

Quick new Oc

Really quick, she only took me 12hr. And behold my new art style.

Full name: Jia Zhutao (or just Tao)

Species: Hong Niang / Cat demon (she used to be a human before being a cat demon)

Gender: Female

Age: 1000+

Weapon(s): A fan like kunai

Home: Underworld

Alias(es): Ten Kings, Celestial Realms (except Li Jing, bc he wants to lock her up in the pagoda), Nine-headed Demon

Affiliation(s): Ten Kings’ subordinate

Occupation(s): Memory scrolls’ manager, Ten Kings’ diplomat, Soul seeker and attractor

Likes: Oleander, Meng Po Soup, cats, mortal realm, Yu Lan Festival, mortals’ celebrations

Dislikes: coriander, smelly food, dogs, work

Family: Jian Dumu - Twin brother

Friend(s): Nine-headed Demon, Meng Po, Nezha

Enemies: Li Jing

Status: dead? or it counts alive?

Abilities:

Hallucination- Tao can make it into visual, auditory, pain, etc. It is mainly used to suppress out-of-control souls. It can also be used on humans and demons, and they cannot be relieved by themselves. And also can create the phantom of objects, places, but she mainly create the souls’ family members to guide them and bring them to Meng Po.

Shape shifting- Tao can transform into cats, human, also can transform into the family member of the souls that completely out-of-control to appease them. Except the special case she mainly use it to go to the mortal realm.

Ability of seeing the wraiths (cursed souls)- Wraiths unlike the normal ghosts or souls, wraiths will only appear in people who have committed serious sins, which means that these people are the targets of her soul seek. And the wraiths only appear in the mortal realm and won’t appear in the underworld.

Teleportation- Tao can teleport to anywhere, but it only can be used at work or at the Yu Lan Festival (that festival is her vacation). And when she teleports a bunch of oleander petals appear.

Puppetry- Tao can possess people just like the Lady Bone Demon, but only can possess two at the same time.

Soothe the nerves- Tao has a scent that calms people down. The concentration of the smell can be adjusted, but if it is too strong it can cause coma.

Poisoned body- If Tao comes into physical contact with another person, they become poisoned and die immediately. However, it doesn't affect females or her brother.

Super hearing- Tao can locate sounds up to 100 meters away.

Personality:

She looks gentle, but she is a lazy person. Whenever she wanted to escape from work, she would go to Po Meng's place to be lazy. She doesn't work hard when searching for souls.

She’d never trust to the other except her friends, because during her lifetime, she was betrayed by her lover and sacrificed her twin brother. In order to no longer be betrayed by his lover and never devote himself wholeheartedly to a love, he also developed a habit of killing the other person after the love ended. Until she arrived in the underworld, became a soul seeker, and found her brother. No matter how close the relationship between the other party and her is, they can only become friends or besties at best.

[switchypanic]

Sentence Starter: "I didn't actually want you to stop…"

Content Warnings: One brief sex joke (because this is LUCIFER we are talking about) and tooth-rotting fluff between Lucifer and Lilith.

Word Count: 759 words.

"I didn't actually want you to stop..."

There were many things about Lucifer that Lilith enjoyed. His handsome features, his love of ducks, his tendency to dream big, his protective streak. However, one of her absolute favorite things about him was his smile. Whenever she saw it, it made her day ten times better, even in the dark underworld of Hell. As such, she made it her mission to make him smile as often as possible.

Now, this wasn't always easy. Being king came with a number of stressors, especially with the angels constantly breathing down his neck, and there were days were Lucifer came across as a man on the brink of losing it. However, over their many decades together, Lilith had found more than a few ways to put a smile back on her beloved's face.

The first was attention. Lucifer was, and always had been, an attention whore. The man ate up any love and affection his wife was willing to give, returning it tenfold.

The second was their daughter. No matter how bad of a day he was having, seeing that fanged smile on their little toddler's face always had Lucifer cracking up, cooing over how much she looked like her mother (Lilith couldn't see it; Charlotte was Lucifer's spitting image).

The third method, however, was her favorite, and what brought her to her current situation.

Lucifer had been having another hard week. He had a ton of meetings to attend with the other sins, another Extermination coming up, and Charlotte had been sick, making the poor man worry himself half to death. While their daughter was getting better, and Lucifer had managed to get all of his business wrapped up in a somewhat neat manner, he was still stress beyond belief. As such, Lilith had taken it upon herself to improve her husband's mood the best way she knew how.

However, what she HADN'T been expecting was the downright pitiful look her gave her when she had finally stopped, followed by that fateful sentence uttered just under his breath.

"N-Now darling, surely we can talk about this?" Lucifer stammered, a nervous grin nearly splitting his face in two. He had his hands raised in front of him, eyes locked onto hers warily. "I-I was just kidding! And I'm not sad anymore, see? I'm smiling!" He chuckled awkwardly; Lilith wasn't convinced in the slightest.

"For the devil himself, you're an awful liar." The demoness teased, delighting in the way her husband's cheeks turned a bright pink. She took a step closer, mouth curling into a playful smirk.

Lucifer took a step back, his shoulders already shaking with barely contained titters. "Lilith, my love! Light of my life! You don't gotta do this! There's other ways to cheer me up; ways that would be pleasurable for you, too?"

He was trying to seduce her, a tactic that would usually work. However, seeing him already starting to crumble before she had even laid a hand on him only made Lilith all the more eager to execute her plan.

"Nice try, sweetie, but I'm craving something else today, as you are already well aware." Lilith took another stride closer, beginning to close the gap between them. The king attempted to back away again, but his legs wouldn't move, knees feeling like jello. Oho, the way that woman could disarm him with a single word or glance! "Besides, we both know you MEANT what you said. You want to get wrecked that badly, hm? I'm more than happy to indulge you, you know."

The woman reached out, taking her husband by the arm and pulling him closer. She wrapped him in an embrace before turning him around, holding the shorter demon against her chest. "Oh my, you're a mess today, aren't you?" She crooned.

Lucifer squirmed against her, biting back a flustered whine as his heart hammered in his chest. "Lilith..." He mumbled softly. "Come on, don't tease me! You did enough of that earlier, didn't you?"

"There's no such thing as too much teasing." The woman chuckled, pressing a kiss to her husband's neck. "So, you'd rather I just go all out, hm?" Lilith asked, smirk growing as she heard his breath catch in his throat. "Well, if you insist..."

"Wait wait wait, that's not what I-" Lucifer was cut off by a startled squeal, feeling his wife's hands begin to squeeze at his sides firmly and quickly. He bit his lower lip, trying desperately to hold in his giggles. "Lilith, nohohohoho!"

And he failed pretty much immediately.

[onesaltybagel]

Finally talking about season 5 because I’ve been putting it off

Notes won’t be in order at all and are mostly about the final episodes

Spoilers BOGOOA BOOO!!!!

When people were saying that Sean had really gone all out this season, I was like “oh ok maybe there’s a kinda sad scene or a really heartfelt scene”. NO. I WAS SO WRONG. I was NOT prepared for the scene of him screaming and wailing to the point of his voice cracking and going raw because he wanted Mk to stop so badly. I did not ever imagine I was going to see that and I’m still not over it. If I see it again, I get chills every time and I’m in love.

Nine-headed demons full form is so cool! I can’t believe we saw that before the trailer even dropped and I thought nothing of it! I thought it was just going to be another guardian of the stone! God the designs in this show rock

Mk saying “don’t make me do this” was perfect. It was so quiet, so small and full of emotion. Had he planned since that first moment he was going to use the circlet? He knew since like episode two that he was going to be doing something EVERYONE wouldn’t want him to do and- presumably- it became clear really fast to him what that was. Was he planning all along?

I cannot stress this enough- THE FIGHT IN EPISODE ONE FORESHADOWED THE FIGHT IN EPISODE NINE.

Nuwa saying I’m so proud of you, her voice actor is completely perfect for her. It was so soft and gentle :(((

Mk crying from joy. He should never have to be in that position, it is so unfair that he was created just to die- over and over and over again. I’m so glad he found another way.

Nuwa saying “my sacrifice AND yours” what did she sacrifice? When she fixed the pillar the first time, was she the one that entered the pillar to fix the sky along with the stones?

WHERE IS NUWA EXACTLY??? Is that just what- the inside of the pillar looks like?

Will we see Nuwa again?

Oh my GOD Wukong catching Mk made me want to throw up. That little bit where we see it through Mk’s eyes kills me every single time.

People gaining elemental powers? Is that- every person who didn’t already have any? Like- some went into Red son did he gain MORE power like that one fire sneeze girl or is he the same? If he is, he’ll be mad LMAO

The chaos HHUUUGHGHGHB ITS SO PRETTY? I don’t know if it’s supposed to be unnerving but I want to stare at it for hours it’s so cool. Where is that? Outside the universe? How does the chaos affect things? WHO IS “HE?” I looked up Xiangliu and the only person I could associate that with was Gonggong who is another snake like entity.

Gonggong also knocked one of the eight pillars (theres eight?) holding up the sky and ends up dying in a battle with someone called Zhurong who is a fire god and has some story with Nuwa!

They’re all snakes. What is with snakes in this world?

Was Macaque still investigating? At the end, he’s in the court room again for some reason and at the start of the season he said he was looking around for stuff related to Mk. Macaque is a hero and he cannot deny it anymore.

Oh yeah the ten kings of the underworld are dead. What the fuck happens to dead people now?

Why does Macaque have chaos magic, who did he make a deal with and WHY WAS IT ON THE STAFF.

Li Jing is a complete asshole. If we’re basing him off canon then there’s no return but if him vandalising his son’s grave ISNT CANON, then he’s just bad dad. I hope he trips and falls over and embarrassingly gets a bruise on his forehead.

Nuwa x Lady Bone Demon toxic Yuri <33

I love Nuwa but I also hate her sm right now. Why did there have to be a cycle? Because there needed to be someone to fix the sky? Because that person would never be enough and they weren’t fixing the sky they were resetting it all instead? This is down to Nuwa underestimating the world- we see that- but I just cannot get over that she made a baby for the sole purpose of dying. He gets up, he gets the stones, he dies. He experiences nothing, he speaks to no one.

And Mk has absolutely had that life a thousand times.

But she doesn’t react as emotionally as I wished she had. This is nothing against the writers, I am just a Nuwa hater and lover rn. She was perfect, so cool, such an amazing character but she still needs to pay child support.

[ryin-silverfish]

An informal translation of the Chinese dub dialogues in LMK S5 trailer

Sth I did on Discord earlier today. May as well put it here, with a few annotations.

Heavy spoilers under cut.

"The Ten Courts of Ksitigarbha has summoned you here to answer for your evil deeds. Do you three acknowledge your crimes?"

[地藏十殿 is referencing how in JTTW, Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha/Dizang is technically the boss of the Ten Kings of the Underworld.]

Li Jing: "I should take over all affairs in the Celestial Realm."

Ten Kings: "And this…is Devaraja Li Jing, the Pagoda King."

MK: "Nezha's dad?! Nezha, is your dad becoming the new JE?"

"But there is one thing that can bring the Great Sage Equal to Heaven to his knees/make him submit..."

Li Jing: "Don't you lot try to escape again!"

"Thou shalt be condemned for thy destruction of tis' world!"

"Right now, the damage caused to the Pillar of Creation is irreversible."

MK: "Wait a sec, what exactly is the Pillar of Creation?"

"This world's functioning depends on it."

[创世之柱 likely draws inspiration from "Nvwa patching the sky" mythos, where the water god Gonggong, after losing his battle against Zhuanxu or Zhurong, knocked over Mt. Buzhou, the sky pillar with his head.]

"Whatever happens, we'll always find a way, right?"

Mei: "It seems to have something to do with…rocks?"

"Regardless of whether there is some sort of secret conspiracy, the people we trusted are all by our side!"

SWK: "Everything will be okay, MK."

"There is something deep inside you that you cannot control..."

"What we gotta do is collect the Five-colored Stones, repair whichever parts that need repairing, and return everything to normal at last!"

"Here…comes…Monkey Kid!"

Red Son: "Let's put the topic of Divine Beasts aside for a sec, Dragon Girl. Distant water cannot put out a nearby fire——"

[远水救不了近火, a Chinese idiom that basically means "a slow remedy cannot resolve an emergency".]

Mei: "My codename is Long Dongqiang! Long-dong-qiang-dong-qiang…(humming)"

[隆咚锵咚锵, a Chinese onomatopoeia for drum + gong sounds. Mei is also making a pun here of her Chinese surname, Long.]

[Edit: the onomatopoeia is also used in a CNY song, 七个隆冬锵咚锵.]

[nellielsss]

⭑ ★ ⭑ 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄 ⭑⭑

Summary: Everyone's heard of the yakuza boss and his sweet little girlfriend, but what about the female yakuza and her two beloved pets: the Rabid Panther and the Silent Wolf? Inspired by Scarface by LDR. HCs + blurbs on Toji and Grimmjow as your bodyguards. Note: I have suddenly been revived from my writer's block all thanks to Grimmjow! Reader is also ENTJ/ENFJ coded (I can't decide LMFAO just pick whichever one fits you the best). It's also kind of a love triangle except they don't have feelings for each other so IDK what to call this. I also just wanted to show my newest husband some love for his bday! Pairing: Yakuza!f!reader x Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez & Toji Fushiguro/Zen'in Warnings: Mentions of death, weapons, firearms, basically anything that comes with crime boss related fics 💀 also Kenjaku's death is mentioned cus I hate his ass and needed a victim.

╰┈➤ The Rabid Panther and the Silent Wolf, that was what Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez and Toji Fushiguro were known as, respectively. The two pets to the feared yet beloved beauty, the infamous yakuza boss (L/N), (Y/N). She was one of the Four Great Kings of the Tokyo underworld and the only female of the bunch. Out of all the aforementioned kings, she was perhaps the most benevolent one of the bunch, but that wasn't saying much considering the most vicious and hated king, Ryōmen Sukuna, was all but a tyrant with a kill count that went well into the tens of thousands (at his own hands as well). The only reason she was even considered benevolent was because she didn't kill with her own hands (not unless she was terribly angry with her foe), and because she also smiled the most.

Why would she need to soak her pretty nails in ugly blood when her two pets would do anything for their owner?

As for what gave them their monikers, though...

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez earned the title of the Rabid Panther because of his violent and garish methods of disposing his opponents.

Grimmjow had a tendency to stain his white clothing and sharp claws in a pretty shade of blood red. There was nothing the blue-haired man loved doing more than sinking his claws into the unlucky foes that happened to incur his wrath or his boss's wrath

He had a pair of special rings made for him (commissioned by you, of course) just so he could get a better grip on his opponents.

The whole reason you hired him as a henchman was just because of how devoted to the fight he was. Though he was reckless in his pursuit of destroying the strongest opponent in his vicinity, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the man.

It was on one snowy January day when you happened upon him. You stood there, clad in a snow-white and red kimono when you witnessed him tear apart 3 of your henchmen, right before your very eyes. Despite the fact that he just killed your own men in a very vicious manner, you didn't cower in fear or order them to kill him; you simply reached out and wiped the blood off of his face.

"B-Boss, don't get too close to him!" The pleads of the other men fell upon deaf ears as you gazed at the wild-eyed man. He was snarling, practically foaming at the mouth, and yet you didn't waver.

"You're a rabid one," was what you first said to him.

"I'll tear your fucking throat out, lady!" he snarled at you, trying to back away from your handsy hands.

You didn't say anything, simply smiling and touching the man's face. "Handsome, too... your shade of blue pairs quite well with red."

Despite his numerous growls and threats of killing you, your hand moved to cup his cheek, move underneath his chin, and tilt it up so he was looking right at you.

"How would you like to be my rabid animal?"

Maybe you could use a man like him--a man not willing to get his paws dirty and lick them clean when he finished the job.

He didn't use guns often; he stuck to weapons that could make a man's blood paint the walls. Hell, with the kill count and voracious appetite this man had, he could make the streets of Kabukicho flow red.

Speaking of Kabukicho--he was one of the only henchmen (you preferred to call him a lieutenant, since the title befit him) to have a small group of his own. He was in charge of handling the areas with the most amount of people in them, since he could be as loud as he wanted without anyone paying him any mind.

Half the time, though, the "army" under him (what he called his Fracción) would just sit back and watch as he pummeled some poor bastard who tried to rip off one of your many businesses.

"I told you, don't fuck with me, and don't fuck with my boss!" Was what he liked to shout before tearing the throat out of his most unlucky victim.

He was made one of your only lieutenants the fastest, since he could so easily dispose of people, and also since he was just the strongest one of the bunch.

To those he was against, he was a vicious panther who didn't know how to stop shedding blood; but to you, he was no more than a cute little cat who purred and meowed in excitement when you pet him.

"Good Grimmjow," was what you cooed whenever he did something right. He came to relish the feeling of your long, perfectly manicured nails carding through his spiky blue hair. He used to detest being babied and doted on in such a manner, but it felt amazing to hear his beloved owner boss praise him for having wiped out an opposing faction's squad that tried to destroy one of your own squads.

The other henchmen of yours tended to look at this display of affection in an odd manner. They had just witnessed him poke the eyes out of someone an hour ago, and now you were petting him like a housecat?

And he was enjoying it?

Don't let this display of affection fool you, though; he would stab the shit out of anyone who talked back to you.

It certainly didn't help anyone who hated you that he was practically obsessed with you, head-over-heels for the woman he affectionately referred to as his master.

You took him off the streets, clothed him, fed him, and brought him to a position higher than he thought was possible for a man like him.

Sure, he was self-assured in his strength, but he was alone, and what good would it do to him if someone were to ambush him?

The longer he stayed by your side, the more devoted he became to you.

He would roll over on his back and purr for you if that's what you so desired.

He owed you his very existence, so god help your foes if he ever heard someone bad-mouthing you.

For instance, do you know that scene in Kill Bill where O-Ren Ishī hopped atop a table and sliced someone's head off in a meeting?

Well, you wouldn't have to do any of that, because with a simple nod of the head, Grimmjow would go over there and viciously slice their throat and make the blood splatter all over everyone else's food.

But the other man, dressed in a dark, form-fitting outfit and standing beside you was just as, if not more, deadly than Grimmjow. Isn't it amazing to have two brutalizers at your beck and call?

Toji Fushiguro earned the title of the Silent Wolf because of his, well, silent methods of execution and warfare. With just a step of the foot and the trigger of a finger, he could put a bullet in anyone's head within a matter of seconds.

His favorite weapon was his M1911A1 modified with an effective silencer that could mask his position anytime, anywhere. He would also do it with a smirk on his face.

Toji Fushiguro joined the ranks of your yakuza faction after he tried to assassinate you on one rainy November night.

He was hired by the ex-leader of one of the 4 great factions, Kenjaku, to assassinate you after a deal gone wrong.

He would've been paid a cool 1.5 billion yen if he managed to kill you and your pet panther successfully--and have a hefty bonus if he could manage it in only 2 shots.

He had his trusty pistol at the ready, and his overinflated ego had him fooled that he was going to become a very rich man.

On his end, he actually was quite close to killing you and claiming that bounty, he'd just underestimated your fighting prowess.

"That's quite the gun you're holding there, Mister," you said when he was about to pull the trigger on your head. His eyes widened a little when he was found out, and in the moment he was caught off guard, Grimmjow quickly whipped around and pinned him up against the wall.

"Shall I tear his throat out for you, boss?" the blue-eyed man asked, his eyes never leaving Toji's pinned self.

Your heels clicked on the floor as you approached him, studying Toji's face for a few seconds, and you spoke to him directly. "I take it you came here to assassinate me?"

The man nodded without saying anything.

"I take it you were also paid to do so," you said, this time not asking him a question.

He, again, nodded.

"I figured as much." You took a second to scan his appearance, noting the worn-out grey pants he wore and the fitted black t-shirt that obviously needed a washing. "Someone like you would need the money... still, I'm surprised you had the balls to come here and try to kill me on your own with one measly gun."

"I have more weapons at my disposal, miss," he snarked, still being strangled by Grimmjow.

"You will speak when prompted to!" the man growled, still keeping his eyes on Toji.

"Please, Grimmy, cut him some slack," you said light-heartedly, putting your hand on his white jacket. "He obviously just needs a warm meal."

"But he tried to take your life-"

"Grimmjow." He took that as a sign to relax his grip around the man's throat a little. "Hand me his gun," you ordered suddenly, to which he happily obliged.

"Here, boss," he gruffed, handing you the pistol with the silencer on it.

You tossed it around in your hands, feeling the weight of the metal. "This is certainly a nice pistol you've got here, Mister, although it is in need of some repairs... maybe it's time you replace it and get a new one."

"I was hoping to do that with the money I'd earn from this mission," he chuckled softly. "I'm not one to save up for nice things."

You emptied the bullets from the magazine and dumped them to the ground, then tossed the gun into a nearby dumpster. "How much did Kenjaku pay you to assassinate me?"

Everyone in the alley looked at you suddenly, a little shocked by how weird your actions were. "How did you know?-"

You cut Grimmjow off and said: "he's the only one who would possibly want me dead, and he's also the only one who'd have others do it for him."

"1.5 billion yen, ma'am," Toji spoke up, unperturbed by the glares everyone was giving him and the vitriol he was facing for trying to assassinate you.

"I see," you hummed, tapping your foot in thought. "Given the fact that you and I have never crossed paths before, I'm willing to bet you were here simply for the money and not because you had some sort of vendetta against me."

"You'd be correct, ma'am-"

"Stop calling me ma'am, I don't wanna feel old."

"Apologies."

You smiled a bit and crossed your arms over your chest. "Anyway, what if I paid you 2 billion yen to kill Kenjaku? You can even bring Grimmy here to help you."

It was his turn, again, to be shocked. "But, Boss, he just tried to kill you!-"

"I'll do it, no questions asked. As long as I can get a new gun, of course."

"Good," you smiled wider, showing off your pearly canines. "Release him and take him with us." Grimmjow did as he was told, releasing his neck but still holding him by the shirt collar. "Now, we're going to treat him for a nice, warm bowl of ramen. Understood, boys and girls?"

Everyone was in agreement, albeit shakily, and they went with you to the nearest ramen shop with your new toy in tow.

"By the way, what was your name? I don't think I caught it back there."

"The name's Toji," he said gruffly. "Toji Fushiguro."

Grimmjow, ever the vigilant henchman, turned to you and asked: "are you really sure you want to go through with this?"

"Has my judgment ever betrayed me?" you retorted, making him go silent again. "He was stealthy enough to sneak behind me and almost kill me, which I should punish you for, by the way. Anyway, I know potential when I see it, and I saw a great deal in him. Almost as much as I saw in you."

As for what role Toji served, he was the wordless yet deadly assassin who could get a headshot just as fast as Grimmjow could tear someone's jugular out (he has a thing for throats, if you couldn't tell).

He and his trusty silencer pistol can do just about anything, and his custom-made sniper rifle made up for what his pistol lacked.

Toji was the silent enforcer, the voice of "reason" if you can consider his methods of killing before talking reasonable.

Truth be told, Toji would've been content in any role, so long as he didn't have to interact with idiots too much and got paid handsomely in return for his work.

Toji ran the stealthy missions, the ones that required the utmost quiet and precision, as well as the ones that had to be done ASAP.

He started calling his little army the "wolf-pack" after hearing the title he was given behind his back.

He actually never saw himself falling in love with his boss, either. He didn't obsess over you like Grimmjow did, nor did he idolize you like the other henchmen; he found himself drawn to your charismatic nature & the eloquence with which you spoke.

For a crime-boss who had such a high body count, you certainly didn't have the air of one. You almost seemed like a friendly woman, but that was because you didn't have to worry yourself with killing those who wronged you.

It was only when someone really pissed you off that he saw you take matters into your own hands.

Honestly? It was kinda hot seeing you execute someone yourself.

"The boss wants her money, so why hasn't your bald ass coughed it up already?" Grimmjow asked angrily, doing the talking for all of you.

"I-I swear, it was here a few days ago, but I was robbed!"

"Did you forget about the security cameras she had installed? What do you take her for--a dumbass who can't run a business correctly?!" the blue-haired man kicked the man in question with the toe of his leather boot, sending him flying & cracking a rib in the process.

"Just... just another week, and I'll have your money-"

"Toji, hand me your gun." The cold chill in your voice made everyone look your way, including Toji, himself.

"As you wish, boss." The silent man simply unbuckled his holster and gave you the pistol with that nonchalant smirk on his face. He'd never seen you hold a gun yourself; it was always him holding the cold metal weight in his hands.

The silence in the room was disturbed by the sound of your stiletto boots clicking on the floor, accompanied by the sound of you handing your fur coat to the closest girl. "Do you know why I'm such a successful boss, Mr. Tanaka?"

Mr. Tanaka merely whimpered where he laid, feeling the cold barrel of the handgun press against his forehead. "N-No, I-"

"It's because I'm such an incredible businesswoman," you replied coolly, pressing the barrel against his forehead harder. "All of my businesses have flourished under the watchful eyes of the people I've so deliberately put in charge. They oversee everything and make sure I turn a profit out of practically the air we breathe in. Do you want to know what happens when they fail to live up to my expectations? Do you want to know what happens to people who fuck with me?"

Before he could even answer, you easily ripped the silencer of the gun off, tossed it aside, and put a bullet in the poor man's cranium.

"This."

Once he was dead for sure, you stood up and tossed the gun back to Toji. "Don't fuck with my money ever again," was what you said, taking your coat back from the girl who stood there in fear & shock. "And that goes for all of you bastards. I could have all of you killed right now in the blink of an eye, and nobody would ever notice that you're gone. All of you are replaceable."

Nobody in this room had ever seen you lose your cool like that and fire the gun yourself, not when you had an expert marksman like Toji and a ferocious wildcat like Grimmjow.

Toji honestly couldn't lie; it was hot as fuck seeing you put a bullet in a man's skull yourself.

"That was an expensive silencer, boss," he said as you all left the room.

"I'll get you a new one."

Yeah, he was in love with a Yakuza... however it happened, he didn't know; but he embraced it. He wasn't one to shy away from his true nature, after all.

It helped that you bestowed the equal amount of care to both of your pets. Neither the wolf nor the panther got more than the other, and they were both treated to the same luxuries as the other.

New coats and wardrobes made of the finest and most durable fabrics, the best weapons money could buy, and the nicest rooms overlooking the garden in your little compound located just outside of the city.

Toji and Grimmjow both had their own apartments in case they needed to stay in the center of town for a mission, but they much preferred to stay by your side; Grimmjow wanted to be as close to you as possible, and Toji just liked the feel of the compound. It was serene, calm, relaxing for a Yakuza's mansion.

They even had their own embroidered kimonos that they wore when they were with you! (how cute).

Honestly, the only issues they had... were with each other.

Always competing for your affections, rivaling to see who could earn the most smiles and praises from their beloved boss.

It was like a love triangle straight out of some romance manga, only instead of a school it was a crime boss's compound that had blood on its walls, and instead of bento boxes there were sharp objects.

"Don't be stupid, she obviously likes the way I stab my opponents!"

"Your methods are too damn messy--you stained one of her fur coats with blood, for fuck's sake It took two weeks to clean the damn thing; she obviously likes my silent-but-deadly approach."

"Where the hell's the fun in that?!"

"Boys, boys, if you don't calm yourselves, I'm going to have to put you in your kennels," your calming voice interjected when you walked in on the two men squabbling. It was honestly so endearing to see a couple of grown criminals fighting over something as silly as whatever they were fighting over, but if they went too far they'd probably break a valuable, so you chose to quell their argument.

"We're so sorry, boss! Right, Fushiguro?!" Grimmjow asked, jabbing the man with his elbow.

"Of course we are. Would you stop elbowing me, Jaegerjaquez?!"

Instead of reprimanding them further, you put your hands on their heads and ruffled their hair. "Grimmjow, your methods provide me with entertainment; and Toji, your methods bring me peace of mind. Now, would you both please bring me some peace of mind and stop squabbling? You're going to break one of my vases."

"Anything you say, boss!" Grimmjow exclaimed, all but swishing his tail about.

They continued to fight after you left, but thankfully they didn't break any valuables.

As demonstrated above, you tried your very best to quell their rivalry, but you also found it entertaining at the same time. To think that people who crushed skulls and tore men open could rival each other for your affections made you laugh, and you welcomed the rivalry (so long as they didn't break anything).

The two men also tended to butt heads over their decision-making processes.

Honestly, you didn't even know why you ever trusted them with your duties when you were out, especially when every "proxy" meeting turned into squabbles every single time.

"What I'm saying is that we need to go in, guns blazing and all!" Grimmjow shouted at Toji. "We need to instill fear in their hearts, make them cower where they stand!"

Your faction was trying to deal with a rogue group of bandits that kept attacking your warehouses that were stationed throughout the Tokyo Metropolitan Area, but how to deal with them was a matter that nobody could solve except for you, not even Grimmjow & Toji with their greatest attempts.

"That'll get us busted, you knucklehead!" Toji retorted. "We need to go the stealthy approach and make sure they're caught off guard."

The two men were now literally butting their foreheads together. "You're always so boring, Fushiguro, will you ever learn to relax and have fun?!"

"I can have fun without blowing the damn mission!"

It was like one of those moments in anime where there was electricity crackling between them, and none of the other top henchmen were willing to butt in on this argument.

"If only the boss was here..." they all groaned in unison.

At the end of the day, though, these two men would do anything to make sure your life and your faction ran smoothly.

They'd do stuff as menial as your dry cleaning if you so asked them to.

Though you tried not to choose favorites among your rankings, it was quite clear that the two were tied for first place. They were the only ones allowed to enter your living quarters, that was how close they were to you.

They were also the only ones allowed to see you naked...

And be naked around you, and touch you, and make love to you until the sun rose over the walls of your estate.

Of course, they always turned it into a competition of who could make you cum the fastest and the most, but it was all in good fun!

God help anyone who dared to speak poorly of their boss around the two of them, for they'd be ripped to shreds twice as fast.

Enjoy your two loving bodyguards!

"But I obviously love her more-"

"Would you shut up, Jaegerjaquez?!"

FINALLY CURED THIS FUCKING WRITER'S BLOCK 😭 also how come every time I get a new fav they shoot up in the ranks?! I liked Yami for two weeks and now he's #1 & Grimmjow's #3 after only a week?!?! | © ʙʀᴜɴᴇᴛᴛᴇ-ʙɪᴛᴄʜ77 on tumblr - get your own shit bitches | ca. 8/1/2024