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iicheeze · 2 years

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Cats (=^ェ^=) Pt. 1

summary: In which, you decided to adopt a cat, alone in a box on a windy yet cold night. Taking care of it, just as a normal master would do. What's not normal, however, is a beautiful, handsome man in your apartment instead of your cat!?!

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli, Childe X Gender Neutral Reader (Separated).

pt. 2 / Cats (=^ェ^=) Masterlist

Diluc

You were just cooking for your dinner, as the rain wept outside, fog appearing at your apartment's window. Not long after, your cat, Diluc, came to you. Purring his way to your leg, seeming to beg for food. Looks like he smelled the food.

“ Awh, I know you're hungry, 'Luc. But I'm cooking right now! Just wait for a little longer, okay? Go play with your toy at the couch. ” You chuckled, yet he didn't comply. Still surrounding your legs with its dark red fur, tickling you in the process.

“ Alright, alright.. I'm coming, ‘Luc. Just wait for 1 minute, okay? ” You finally gave in to the cat's temptation. With a loud yet sweet purr coming from the cat.

Time passed, yet the rain doesn't seem to stop any time soon. Though, you and Diluc were already finished with dinner. Each stomach full to its content.

Bellies full with delicious delicacy, you began to yawn. Whilst, Diluc seemed to be calm and content, as usual. “ Alright, I'm gonna go to bed. You gonna come with me? ” You sat up, going to your bedroom. With the male cat following you, guess that's a yes.

You then took off your shirt, wanting to change to a more comfortable one. With Diluc facing the wall, as usual. What a gentleman, no, gentle-cat.

Soon, you got on the comfortable, soft bed. Not forgetting to invite your beloved cat by opening your blanket, with Diluc then jumping to it before finally getting to a comfortable position.

It was supposed to be just like any other night. You and him sleeping together, as the rain wept from the dark, cloudy sky.

So why the heck are you woken up to a hot, attractive man?! And.. Is he naked?!?!

Kaeya

“ Kaeya!! I'm home! ” You yelled with a hoarse, tired voice. It's now 11 PM, way later than you expected to come home. Of course your boss had to get you to work overtime solely because one employee called in that their sick.

Your cat then meowed, crawling his way to you. You can tell he's tired and hungry. Yet he still made his way to you. Poor him.

“ Oh gosh.. I'm so sorry, Kaeya. My boss made me work overtime. Here, I'll feed you- woah. ” Before you could even finish your sentence, a bag of cat food was ripped open and a little mess near his food bowl was in front of you. Did he feed himself?-

Turning to your cat, he was basically clinging onto your leg. Looks like he's just attention-deprived after all. “ Geez, you.. You're some cat, huh? ” You sweat dropped. Carrying your cat with both your hands, causing his body to seemingly stretch.

“ Meow. ” “ Yes, yes, Kaeya. You did a good job. ” “ Meow! ” “ Okay, I'm also sorry for not telling you that I had to work overtime.. ” Kaeya then fell silent, before rubbing his soft fur to your cheek. Seems like he forgave you. What a cat.

“ Now how about I give you a little kiss so that you'll forgive me even more, huh? ” You teased, before kissing his little mouth.

But.. Why did it suddenly feel so human?

“ My, my. And here I thought you'd be too tired to play with me. ”

... Who said that?

Opening your eyes, you saw a shirtless- no.. Naked man making contact with your lips. Is that.. Scars at his body?! Wait a moment. HE'S NAKED!!!

Zhongli

Zhongli has always been a cat that minds his own business. Unless you start playing with him, and by playing you mean rubbing your cheek against his. He never really played with any of the toys you bought for him, only playing with your discarded books.

In fact, is he even interested in toys? He only seemed to be interested in catching up what's happening in the world, or hearing about your day or more. Well, at least he's a good listener.

He tries to be independent. Keyword: Tries. Often times he'd try to feed for himself from the cat food bag, but ended up ripping it apart. Oh well, he is a cat. Nothing you can do but laugh.

Though, you catched up to the news that it's mating season. Knowing fully well your cat might hump your leg for a bit. You don't mind, as long as he doesn't scratch you.

You're now getting out of the shower, water trickling down your hair strands. As you finally cover yourself with your towel, you got out of the bathroom, fog coming out as well.

“ Geez, look's like I used too much hot water. ” You then chuckled as you then opened the bedroom door, expecting your lovely, furry black cat with orange tips at the end of his tail.

What you did see though, isn't what you expected.

“ Oh? You finished showering faster than usual today, Master. ”

Instead, you saw a glorious, naked man with long, dark brown hair with bright orange tips at the end of his hair. And... Why is there saliva at his penis- WAS HE LICKING HIMSELF?!-

Childe

You adopted yourself a very, very handful cat.

Often times, your cat would run away to fight with other cats, sometimes dogs as well. Your neighbor's dogs. Which causes a lot of trouble and tons of apologies sometimes. Though, at least Childe always won. Still, it's no excuse to get into fights just because of his bloodlust.

Because of his fights, he'd always, always, comes out with blood and scratches all over his body, leaving permanent scars at his skin. At this point, the vet down the street would even have a nickname for you AND your cat. Not a very proud one as well.

Other times though, the wounds don't end up that bad. Causing you to patch him up yourself. He likes that better than going to the vet, somehow. Because if his wounds haven't healed yet, he will refuse to take off that bandage. And if it did, he'd play with it, even though it has dried blood on it.

One thing you noticed about him, is that he likes to bring.. gifts to you. Whether it be dead rats, dead birds, heck, even a live bat sometimes!! You pity those animals, so you just buried them peacefully. Much to Childe's liking. At least he gets pats and cuddles from it though, still a win-win.

Now, you're just peacefully doing your work while the ginger cat is loafing at the end of your bed. Noticing that it's almost 10 PM and you still have no signs of stopping your work, he jumped to your lap before meowing at your face.

“ Meow!! ” “ I know, I know, Childe. Go back to bed, I'll finish this soon. ” Obviously that's a lie, you always say that everytime the project isn't gonna finish in 2 hours or more.

Childe, knowing that, is now going to use the ultimate tactic, the “ Rub-Master's-Face-Until-They-Give-In ”!!

His furry cheek then collided with yours, as purrs came out of his mouth. “ Awh.. Fine, fine. I'm coming to bed, I'll just turn off the lights at the living room, okay? ” You gave in, as always. You were always weak to that attack.

You didn't even take 2 minutes to turn off the living room's lights, with your cat waiting for you at the bed before you left the room.

SO WHY THE HECK IS THERE A HANDSOME, SCARRED GINGER WHO'S POSING LIKE “ Draw me like one of your french girls ” AT YOUR BED, COMPLETELY NAKED.

“ Come on, Master! Get in the blanket and sleep together, like always! ”

You didn't get paid enough for this.

Next part includes; Ayato, Thoma, Al-haitham, and Dainsleif. If you have any more characters in mind, don't be afraid to ask! I'm planning to make more parts with this concept anyways.

#genshin impact x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x male reader #genshin x male reader #male reader #female reader #gender neutral reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact kaeya #genshin zhongli #genshin diluc #genshin kaeya #genshin childe

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doki-doki-imagines · 1 year

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author notes: something quick born from a chat with @mcdonaldsnumberone, I hope our chats will never come out LMAO. This idea come from an old gintama post I made years ago, but I love the idea.

tw: suggestive content but nothing happens

Michael Kaiser – Yellow Persian cat

-Michael doesn’t know how he found himself in this situation, he only knew that he finished training, showered and started to walk towards your house, happy to finally be able to see you after so long afar from each other.

-All of sudden everyone was taller than a building and- Was this fur?? Imagine his surprise when looking at himself on a shop mirror he saw a cat.

-“Incredible, I look good even as a cat”

-Sun was going to leave soon his place to the moon and kitty Kaiser decided to place himself in an empty card box left on the main street, then a drop, and then another one.

“Don’t tell me it’s starting to rain-“ A loud thunder, his pointy ears turn downward “Fuck” People starts to run left and right, nobody had pity on the poor pathetic left in a wet card box meow meow at their feet.

“Oh! Poor kitty come here.” An angelic voice that Michael can recognize between a million of others; yours.

-That’s how he found himself in your house, clean and dry, looking at you trying to cook for the both of you.

-“You know this is Michael's favorite food, he is my boyfriend, by the way, I suppose you’ll meet him soon.” You put both your food on the table, finally sitting down. The melancholic undertone isn’t missed by your boyfriend that starts to rub his face toward yours.

“You are so nice, meanwhile he is the bane of my existence-” The yellow cat stop his action, if you listened closely you could hear a huff coming out his little mouth “but I miss him so much, God.” You put your face in your hands, fork still inside the plate and a loud sniff escapes your mouth.

“I still didn’t hear him today, maybe he got caught in between his fangirls, who knows.” You let out a fake giggle, the one Michael is used to hearing when you want to break off tension.

But nothing right now could pull together his broken heart.

“I know he isn’t that dumb-“ and Michael can’t stop weighting “that” “but I get worried you know? Even more when you are afar for this long” you fill a bowl with water that you position right after the plate filled with food for the kitty “Ahh! I’m so dumb! Me and my insecurities, fuck me!” Kitty Michael can only look at you with wide eyes, his tongue poking out licking slowly some water from the bowl.

-Soon going through this sad parenthesis kitty Kaiser didn’t mind his life as a cat after all, not only he found new topics that you absolutely need to discuss when he’d go back to normal, but he could enter the bathroom when you are showering!

“What are you doing here? Are you curious? Or you are just a pervert kitty?” You let out a giggle, a real one this time, and Michael felt like melting and becoming one with the floor of your bathroom.

You, all wet and happy.

He is a pervert in the soul.

-Plus the biscuit making, ohhh the feeling of your chest and ass, your soft tummy under his paws, and not a single slap behind his neck.

-And your heart thrumming the perfect lullaby to make him fall asleep.

-“M-MICHAEL?” What a terrible way to be woken up.

“Why are you screaming so early in the mor-“

“Then why are you naked!?” Seems like the curse was temporary after all.

“Well, well, the bane of our existence is here to teach you something.”

“Mh?” You widen your eyes, his strong arms at either side of your head lifting him on top of you in all his naked glory.

“This guy here has eyes only for you.” It’s a quick kiss, one that follows many deeper ones “I missed you too liebe.” You don’t have to reply back with sass, you just hold him closer to you.

-You’ll have time later to tease him about his tail swinging left and right like a happy pup; seems like the curse didn’t totally wear off…

Kenyu Yukimiya – Salt&pepper giant Schnauzer

-Look, it’s still hard to understand what is going on, but for sure waking up with Otoya at your doorstep with a giant dog wasn’t something you were expecting.

-“Take him just for today, I think you’d get along, plus I’ve seen today it’s your free day so you have no excuses” He talks as fast as possible, some words lost but one thing is sure; you had to take care of this big boy.

-You look at him, he looks at you, up and down, like he is judging your pajamas (that you honestly find wonderful) and you both let out a sigh; seems like you are on the same wavelength.

-Honestly, you thought having to deal with such a big dog would have been a mess, but he is so well behaved?? You notice he probably can’t see well, so you guide him a little trying to make him memorize your house.

-“Otoya called you Yuki, right? My boyfriend has a similar surname but you are cuter!” The dog that was previously swagging his tail with tongue poking out just stopped, still as a stone, almost…menacing? But you don’t get bothered too much, patting his head and calling him good boy.

-He follows you like a shadow, never leaving your side and looking at you with eyes full of love, they got aggressive when during a walk to the park some guys tried to hit on you, he even growled at them! But luckily you sent them off quickly and went on with your walk.

-Evening arrived fast and after preparing dinner for both of you, going to the sofa to watch a film seemed the best idea to end the day.

-“My God, Bret is the hottest human ever-“ “I’d gladly wash my laundry on his abs” “You can’t understand how much I’d pay to be in the backstage with him.” “He could treat me as his bad partner any time he wants” you sing sang. Not exactly, after all, you were just typing to a friend your recent thoughts about this actor.

But Yuki is counting. Noticing every single squeak, every single smirk. He doesn’t show it, he just waits patiently, head laying on your right leg for the right moment to strike.

-You both fall asleep on the sofa, film long forgotten a soft cover on both your bodies.

-You are the first to wake up, and it was hard not to scream at the sight in front of you. Your boyfriend, Kenyu, is laying on top of you, his long brown curls falling on your chest, his breath calm, still sleeping peacefully ah, he is also butt naked.

-And are these dog ears?? And that tail? Is it possible that-

“Morning love.”

-You feel a chill running down your spine. That voice had never brought good news.

-”Wanna tell me more about that Bret actor you like so much.” The shiver gets more intense as he slides up on your body, his face now at the same level as yours.

“You know what, don’t say anything-“ he taps his forefinger on your lips “I’ll make sure you’ll be only able to babble my name after I’m done with you.”

#bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #blue lock imagines #michael kaiser #michael kaiser x reader #yukimiya kenyu #yukimiya kenyu x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #Otoya body is still missing btw LMAO #I had a ton of pgs in mind so if you wanna request wanna feel free to do it

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y2kbugs · 1 year

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Why Rincewind deserves your love

Tumblr loves characters like Rincewind right now. The sad, weary one who really doesn't want to be here but does it anyway cause no one else bothered, and is often vulnerable, cowardly, and a weakling compared to everyone else. In other words, the pathetic wet cat, the poor little meow meow.

Vimes is also a perfect example of this archetype, he's there and he's great, but Rincewind to me is a sort of hidden gem bogged down by the author's early writing and the struggle to live up to those later, more deep characters. It doesn't really help that Pratchett also got bored of writing him, and only felt obligated because he had fans (which in a way sounds like Rincewind himself), but...

The first two books aren't even bad. The only thing I'd say is that TCOM has some confusing writing going on and feels more like a collection of stories but it's good and could be better if rewritten. Rincewind is a wonderful character and Twoflower is a delight. TLF is a definite improvement writing and character wise and gives development to Rincewind.

He's not "a weak character who doesn't do anything but run". He is not badly written. He is a character who does not want to be the hero but does it anyway. He has deep empathy and believes that throwing your life away for a good cause is inherently selfish rather than selfless (and! he does this himself, kind of. He does make a sacrifice to help somebody, but he lives).

He isn't stupid. He might be the smartest character in his books, but that's more because the other characters are relatively kind of dumb. The only thing he's really bad at is being a wizard, that's it. He's not a good wizard, but he's a great strategist, he knows a lot about magic, knows almost every language on Discworld and this was how he got to know Twoflower in the first place. I would call him an average intelligence and very high wisdom character in DnD. He's intensely rational and will point out gaps in reasoning and logic. He might be a pessimist, but he has experience and he's going to use that.

That's not to say he doesn't make mistakes. He absolutely does, but making dumb mistakes is much different from willful and sheer ignorance which he does not display.

His hat says "Wizzard" because it's supposed to be a pun on "he can't spell", and it's highly unlikely that he actually misspelled it not knowing the actual spelling considering he reads a lot.

He is very, very defensive and adamant about his identity as a wizard. It's pretty much everything to him and he has a crisis whenever other characters mock and have general distrust of wizards.

He's done the following:

Beat the shit out of an eldritch horror until it ran away from him (TLF),

forced an extremely powerful spell out of his head with sheer will (TLF),

Defeated the most powerful deceased wizard possessing a magical staff with only a brick in a sock, and took both himself and the wizard's son into the Dungeon Dimensions, where he fought back creatures to allow the boy to escape. (Sourcery)

Gave the boy a speech about how it's important to not let anyone define who you are as a person and no one should have to tell you what to do (Sourcery)

Used a whole terracotta army to beat an entire army, and succesffully intimidated them via psychological tricks. (Interesting Times)

Brought rain back to Fantasy Australia and talked back against Death who convinced him to give up. (TLC)

Maybe he's not the most sympathetic character, because he's not chivalrous or manly. He has no bravery and freely admits to being a coward, he's kind of a jerk who cools down as time goes on, and he's selfish enough that he thinks being selfless is a total waste of time and is selfish in itself. He's a cynic and a pessimist with a worldview shaped by his terrible experiences on Discworld, but he's very well-traveled even against his own will, and from this experience he knows precisely how to get out of danger, how to outsmart an individual (or a whole army) and more.

He's shown empathy. Being tired at the world at large and not liking the other wizards very much but going out of his way to save the world from a wizard gone rogue anyway because nobody else bothered to and he's angry, saving a boy from his abusive father's power and diving headfirst into the Dungeon Dimensions, trying to convince an "army" of mostly children why trying to fight against a legitimate army of warriors is a horrible idea and will only get them killed, Helping some thirsty sheep out to get access to water despite not needing to, bringing rain back to Fantasy Australia even though he could have given up and gone home at any moment, being made a "test subject" for the wizard's project in creating Roundworld/Earth, learning aabout the life on there over millions of years and talking about how hard it is for life to grow on there in its earliest millions of years, teaching Roundworld inhabitats the importance of art and creativity not only to outsmart the elves but because he wanted to (while the other wizards considered him stupid for this idea).

And he doesn't want to be a hero, he has no obligation to and is perfectly happy just being alone in the library and reading old books. He wants a life of peace and quiet and nothing life-threatening, but unfortunately he's pushed into these situations. Often though instead of simply resigning himself and giving up altogether, he sucks it up and goes and does it anyway with the expectation that he can go home in the end. That, and by now he's already expected this is his role: to fix shit and go home, even though he'd love to have someone else do his job.

It rubs me the wrong way to see people call him one-dimensional or just "the guy that is scared and runs away"...That to me is like simply calling Vimes "the depressed cop who drinks a lot" or Granny Weatherwax "the old witch who kicks ass". Of course the character will seem one dimensional if you describe them that way. Vimes is better written overall and gets better development for sure, which is also what his character is built for, as well as a more serious story that doesn't lend itself as well to basically slapstick. Rincewind isn't built for overcoming his fears, but rather his selfish attitude and to finally find peace with himself, and he works as a comedic character while also balancing out the fact he can be anything other than a clown or coward.

He gets what he always wanted in the end too. Pratchett might not have wanted to write him anymore, but instead of simply putting him on a bus, he gave Rincewind a position at Unseen University, only dampened by the fact the other wizards clearly don't respect him, therefore he can't really be a professor as a job, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he loves that. He gets free food, a quiet place to stay, and has zero obligations. He's happy, and the last thing we know of him is that he's studying the effects of plants on the nervous system (Raising Steam), and he's very important in the Science Of Discworld series, initially being a test subject and later being the "to go" for information about Roundworld/Earth, even getting to keep the globe in his room.

#discworld #rincewind #this initially started out all casual but then it got long and essay-like as i am prone to writing #i probably got things wrong...correct me

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a-local-idiots-shitpost · 1 year

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Cat Yuu-Heartslabyul

Riddle

at least the Cat is better behaved than Grim, which isn´t a hard feat to achieve but it´s better than nothing

and it does help him catch Rule breakers, but it still isn´t allowed at formal parties

the Cat might not be a rule Breaker but they are a horrible distraction every time he tries to study it just keeps sprawling out on his desk and demanding pets, which it might do because Trey is worried about Riddle overworking himself

the Cat also tried to chase the Flamingos and Hedgehogs multiple times which forced Riddle to put the Cat on house arrest as soon as they are supposed to be playing a game

and it always manages to sneak into the Cafeteria to beg for treats or leftovers from the other Heartslabyul students

which forced him to give the Cat a firm talking to

the collar Riddle got the Cat does look suspiciously similar to “Off with your Head!” which Riddle will deny

Trey

if the Cat plays nice and doesn´t bother him while he´s working in the kitchen he will sneak the some Cat save sweets

but not to sweet, he can´t brush the Cat´s teeth, he tried once and it didn´t turn out so well for the toothbrush and Trey´s hand he wasn´t allowed in the kitchen for some days because of it

he also hides this from Riddle because he´s rather strict about the Cat´s diet

Trey also learned to enjoy doing his homework when the Cat is around, mostly because you can´t be mad at a furball happily rolling around in the sun

he also sometimes stays up late with the Cat cuddles into his lap but because of the lighting a lot of students see Trey sitting like an evil villain instead of an adorable moment

Cater

he thought he found the perfect prop for his Magicam account but what he didn´t anticipate was just how difficult one Cat pic can be

even bribing it with treats doesn´t work, it always manages to make the pics blurry by moving around like crazy while eating

he even tried using one of his clones just so he can take a picture but they quickly managed to find out who´s the real one and who´s a fake

the only time he got a picture was after Ace and Deuce were forced to chase it around for the entire day because it managed to escape the Dorm and was chasing the poor Hedgehogs again

but it was worth it because like always the Cat pic blew up

but if you don´t count him always trying to take a pic of them, they get along rather well, they even cuddle up to him when he doesn´t hold his phone or just when they notice he isn´t doing to well

Ace

he never liked the Cat and the Cat also started hating him, he hates them for always snitching on him and after some time always leaving their spat out furballs in his shoes

they even bite him once!

he thinks the Cat is nothing but a spoiled little shit and believe me you don´t even want to hear what the Cat thinks of him

he always runs away when it´s his turn to look after them or conveniently forgets to feed the Cat because he had something very important to do which didn´t give him time to tell somebody to take over for him

he even tried to prank the Cat, which weirdly enough succeeded but he also just put a glass of water over the Cat´s favorite nap spot so not a really creative one

Deuce

he likes the Cat they even join him in his Club activities sometimes

it´s always a funny sight to see a small Cat just keeping up with all of the NRC students or even being faster than them

and the Cat is a good helper when he´s studying, well kinda they usually just sit in his lap so he can´t move away and starts meowing really loudly when he get´s stuck on a problem

he´s 90% sure the Cat was the reason he managed to improve his grade

and they sometimes sneaked into the Classroom when he was taking a test and caused so much chaos that he got some extra time

he´s also the one who has to make sure nothing happens to the Cat, which is just him keeping Ace away from the Cat and the Cat from Ace

those two really don´t like each other

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland yuu #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland headcanons #riddle rosehearts #trey clover #cater diamond #ace trappola #deuce spade

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rarepears · 1 year

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This is the Shen Jiu marries an Arabian prince and gets super into astronomy anon, but I just thought of like.

So, the Arabs do a lot as merchants. Which would probably put them mainly in contact with Shang Qinghua.

It makes me wonder if transmigrator!SQH ended up negotiating a contract with the besotted prince and went "I CAN GET MY POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW OUT OF HERE AND STOP FEELING LIKE SHIT OVER HOW HIS STORY ENDED!!!!" and proceeded to immediately do everything in his power to make that marriage happen because while he has zero confidence that dropping Shen Jiu in the lap of someone who adores him unconditionally will fix him now or ever, it definitely can't make things worse, and will in fact go a very long way to preventing things getting worse.

Also makes me think of SQH eventually being like the only one Shen Jiu kept in contact with, because yes he's annoying and pitiful, but when he was pulling the "marry Shen Jiu to besotted foreign royalty" bandwagon, it wasn't because he wanted to get rid of him, it was because Shang Qinghua wanted Shen Jiu to be around people who liked and would appreciate him, rather than stuck rotting in Harem Drama Hell. Maybe initially they only kept in contact for trade agreement reasons (which was ostensibly the purpose of this marriage) but SQH always made sure to a) bring some of Shen Jiu's favorites from home, b) genuinely make sure he was okay, and c) check and make sure that his husband was still besotted. Maybe Shen Jiu discovered SQH had a "smuggle my scariest shixiong to......... Eh I'll figure it out" plan in the event of Shen Jiu being mistreated? Or one of his least favorite courtiers says something snide and before Shen Jiu can get a word out Shang Qinghua says something that makes the man cry with fear. Idk how they get to the point of "spiritually you are siblings" but I am having visions of Shang Qinghua and Shen Jiu drinking anachronistic coffee (bc this is Airplane's novel ofc it is) over tanghulu and red bean paste buns and not mentioning the peak lords even once. Just chatting about trade and SJ running the kingdom with his husband and fabric and cool knives. Possibly with a side of Shen Yuan being a prince (adoption? Magic? Who knows) and SQH being his favorite uncle.

.......I wonder if SQH warns Shen Jiu that Binghe is coming/keeps him updated on demonic happenings.

.................wasn't OG Rat Qinghua supposed to get murdered by MBJ for betraying him.

Oh no.

NOW I am going down rabbit holes of Moshang typical violent misunderstandings and lack of communication, except this time SQH is the adoptive younger brother of an Arabian queen, and oh God the court intrigue and politics and drama you could pull with that. Esp if Shen Jiu eventually just. Yoinks SQH. "If this ice king wants to keep you around then he's welcome to start fucking acting like it."

And ofc Shen Jiu's husband won't say shit besides "oh we gotta welcome my brother in law appropriately! Make sure he has clothes and nice rooms etc etc" because he's also familiar with the little merchant/logistics lord who is absolutely wide eyed fluffy hamster levels of ADORABLE (bc I firmly believe SQH is the cutest little thing second to nothing but White Lotus Binghe, and also oblivious to this) and correctly thinks that having SQH's spymaster/logistics capabilities working for them is a good thing.

So SQH gets a break, gets to wear some super pretty clothes, gets to never have to worry about freezing to death, or getting injured accidentally or otherwise, etc etc. The courtiers, especially the scientifically inclined ones, adore him, partly bc he's cheating using modern knowledge. But he tells such wonderful stories! And he runs things so efficiently!

The Queen is sharp and brilliant, beautiful and vicious when provoked. His younger brother is just as intelligent, but is absolutely adorable, skilled at organization and he tells the *best* stories.

(please I just want Shang Qinghua to get so much of the appreciation he craves that he doesn't even know what to do with it)

MBJ and LBH are both sulking in the demon realm bc Shen Jiu is forcing them to think about what they've done and use their words.

......ok now I want "disillusioned but naive" Binghe and "learned but foolish" Shen Yuan to get a romance. They both learn that life and the world isn't what they thought it was together. Shen Jiu is furious but Binghe has taken every bit of his running a kingdom advice to heart and is truly genuinely doing everything right. Finding out the beast refuses to so much as hold hands with A-Yuan until Shen Jiu has approved of him would, once upon a time, have caused him to double down on disapproval. Now- with his doting husband who looks thoughtfully at the pair and says, with the look on his face that means he's thinking of their own relationship, "maybe we should give him the chance to disappoint us first. Something tells me he's not going to,"- Shen Jiu sighs heavily and sets about making a true good faith attempt to finding out if Binghe and a-Yuan are suited to each other.

(the main reason he does so is because his a-Yuan loves monsters, and Binghe will be able to take him to see as many as he wants while still being single mindedly focused on keeping him safe.)

YES YES YES!

EVERYTHING IS A BIG FUCKING RED YES!

SOMEONE MAKE THIS INTO A 100K FIC BECAUSE THIS IS PERFECTION!

[More in #Shen Jiu is forced into an arranged marriage to an Arabian Prince AU]

#shang qinghua #shen yuan #svsss #svsss ideas #svsss au #the scum villain's self saving system #mxtx #shen qingqiu #shen jiu #yue qingyuan #luo binghe #Shen Jiu is forced into an arranged marriage to an Arabian Prince AU

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sheeple · 1 year

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Unconditional

GIF NOT MINE. THIS IS ALL FICTION. Genre(s): Modern!au / College/Uni!au / Mob!au / Chubby!Aegon Fandom(s): House of the Dragon (TV show) Pairing(s): Aegon Targaryen x fem!reader Summary: When Helaena's 'friend' suddenly comes into the picture, something about her draws Aegon in. Even when signs point to run as far, far away as he can. Warning(s): Ooc Aegon? He's a poor little insucure Meow Meow / Mob-related violence / Name calling (positive?) / Aegon has mommy issues but we already knew that / overprotective Aemond / whiney Aeg / slight Sub!Aeg / Smut? P in V (only brief) / unprotected devil’s tango [Masterlist] [Moodboard] [Teaser] [Playlist] [Instagram profiles]

Aegon is cold, wet, and overall grumpy. He missed breakfast this morning because he slept in, all thanks to his hangover. "When is this friend of yours supposed to come, Hel?"

Both Helaena and Aemond roll their eyes annoyed. They have been standing outside waiting for five minutes while it slowly started to rain. Aemond told him to bring a jacket or umbrella, but Aegon just laughed and said umbrellas are for wimps.

Aemond looks down at his older brother with a smug grin as he angles his black umbrella so that droplets fall on Aegon's head.

At that moment, a flashy sports car comes speeding around the corner and stops in front of their feet. A window rolls down and loud phonk music pours out.

A woman ─ you ─ leans over and smiles widely at Helaena, "hey, sugar tits. You wanna have a good time?"

Both the Targaryen boys' eyes grow wide. How dare someone talk like that to their sister? Aemond is ready to throw some fists but is stopped by Helaena giggling in glee.

She opens the car door and falls on the seat with a smile. "Do you even know what a good time is slut?"

Unsurely, the two brothers also get in the car and before they are buckled in, the car speeds away.

While Helaena grabs your phone and changes the music, Aegon studies you through the mirror. A careless smile adores your face as his sister switches the music to something more to her taste, eyes flicking between the road and the girl next to you.

Aemond is the first of the brothers to speak up. "How do you two... know each other." He raises an eyebrow as he looks sceptically at you.

You make eye contact with Aemond's single eye. "We took the same class in our first year before I─"

The loud grumbling of Aegon's stomach interrupts your sentence, making you look at him through the rearview mirror.

"Sorry", mumbles Aegon in embarrassment. His cheeks colour bright red as he lays a hand on his belly.

"Are you okay, Darling?"

The concern surprises the white-haired man. He has never met a person who ─ immediately after meeting someone ─ shows so much concern. Not even his mother does it, and she's been 'caring' for him for almost twenty-six years.

Aegon shakes his head. "N-no... I just haven't eaten yet."

A frown grows on your face. "You have to eat well, Darling. Do you need me to stop somewhere? There is a Taco Bell not far from here."

The three Targaryen siblings are baffled. Helaena is used to you wanting to take care of everybody around you, but this is new. Never in the years she knows you has she seen you immediately being so... you to anyone so quickly.

While Aegon sputters and stumbles over his words, claiming that he's okay, he has a pizza in the fridge waiting for him, Aemond's eye darkens. Something's off about you. He knows that. And it's not for the fact that you're kind to his brother.

It's for the fact that your knuckles have bandages messily taped over them, blood seeping through the gauze on the inside. Is that why you were late?

Your eyes meet Aemond's single on accident through the rearview mirror and you cock your head to the side. What's his problem? Ever since he set foot in your car, you have felt his glare on the back of your head.

You turn your attention back to Helaena, who's telling a story about that one asshole professor the both of you had in the first year. And how he hasn't changed in all those years.

"He then turns to this girl who sits in the front row and says: 'that means that one of your ancestors was a bastard from Dorne, seeing as your last name is Sand'. I swear this girl would burst out in tears the way he said." Helaena angrily folds her arms over each other with a huff.

You shake your head. "Prof Rys never had chill. I bet he is a bastard himself or something, the way he acts about them."

Before Helaena can retort back, Aemond buts in.

"What do you do, exactly?", he snarks, "if you're not going to uni, what do you do?"

"Aemond!", scolds Helaena, turning around and whacking him on his head.

You laugh, "it's okay, Len. I own multiple clubs, bars, and pubs all around the country."

"And for that, you need bruised knuckles?" Aemond challenges you. You know that. He is searching for more, for something behind the curtain.

The cat gets filled with awkward tention while Helaena throws daggars at her brother.

"Oh would you look at that", you say in faux surprise, stopping in front of their building. "Look's like you're home." Your smile drops and you glower coldly at the youngest Targaryen sibling.

Aemond practically kicks the door open and scowls inside the building, his hands in his pockets. Helaena apologises to you embarrassed.

"It's okay, love. He clearly hasn't had his day. We text?"

"We text." She squeezes your hand before getting out.

You roll down the passenger's window and smile at Aegon, who stands behind his sister. "Remember to eat, yeah darling?" He nods meekly, wetting his lips.

Winking at the siblings, you close the window and speed off. You've got a text from Harwin saying the scumbag talked. You wonder if it was before or after breaking his kneecaps.

That night, Aegon lays on his back, staring at the ceiling while his mind is on you. There is something so... mesmerizing about you. If it is the way your hair falls, how your eyes shined when you talked to him, or how you carelessly smiled with Helaena, he doesn't know.

A smile grows on his face as he turns around, fist gripping one of the many extra pillows on his bed. Oh, how he wishes he can see you again soon.

A couple days later Aegon sees his sister standing in the doorway of her room, checking out her outfit from afar. "How do I look?", she asks as she spots Aegon through the mirror.

"Like a pigeon."

Helaena rolls her eyes. As usual, very helpful.

"Where are you going?" Aegon follows her around the room with his eyes while she searches for a pair of high heels and a bag.

"Y/n has invited me to hang around the VIP section of The Graveyard."

A sudden flutter goes through his body and stops in Aegon's stomach, buzzing around like a kid on a sugar high. "Y/n?"

"I rather have the two of you not go out tonight", grumbles Aemond from the hallway and turns his phone around for them to read.

THE STRANGER STRIKES AGAIN. DIRTY POLITICIAN FOUND DEAD.

Helaena dry heaves as Aegon stares in disgust at the photo the article has provided of the politician. All his fingers are cut off and stuffed in his mouth. The word RAT is carved in his forehead in big, bold letters while his mouth is sewn shut. The article states that The Stranger has published multiple documents online exposing the politician, who has stolen millions from the sick and poor.

Many, many years ago, during medieval times The Seven were worshipped as Gods. Through the years, they turned into mob and mafia bosses but all fall under The Father. He is the most powerful, from money to influence. People have suspicions that it is a politician or judge.

The Mother has the pharmaceutical industry in her pockets, as well as almost all the hospitals and clinics in the country. The Warrior owns the totality of the armies and all the cops.

Most, if not all, real estate is from The Smith. Most of the projects in development get money from him. The Maiden, for not that long, has ownership over the sex work. It's said since she has taken hold of the industry it has gotten a lot safer for those who work in brothels and clubs.

The Crone keeps the cultural aspect of society alive. She makes sure that libraries, concert halls, and theatres keep their doors open and that people can learn and grow.

At last, is The Stranger. They have no 'official' business, but rather they are the executioner of The Seven. They make people disappear, get information out of someone with rather... interesting methods, or silence them.

To everybody in Westeros, this is common knowledge. Everyone also knows that they shouldn't mess with The Seven. The politician is a perfect example. What isn't known, is who those people are. Speculations are that for hundreds of years, the same families carry those titles, passed from parent to child.

Helaena ignores Aemond and continues to get dressed. "Nothing's gonna happen, Aem. It's least likely that The Stranger is going to strike again. And besides, I'm with Y/n."

Aemond pinches his nose bridge, sighing extravagantly. "That is exactly what I'm worried about. I don't trust her."

Aegon turns angrily to his brother. How dare he say that? He has only met you once and he already is so sure about his opinion of you.

"I don't care", she dares him, "I'm still going. And Aegon is going with me, aren't you?" His sister turns to him and looks with big eyes, motioning him to do as she says.

Aegon, all too glad to see you again, tries to contain his excitement with a short nod. "Yeah, since I have nothing better to do, I thought I would come with."

The tallest Targaryen sibling angrily huffs and turns around, stomping off.

"Are you ready to go? the Uber is almost here... You're not wearing that, are you?" Helaena fixes the last of her makeup in the mirror before looking at him with raised eyebrows.

Aegon looks down at his clothes ─ a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt with holes. He hurries to his room and has a small crisis about what to wear. He knows what looks good on him. He knows what will get him girls to hook up with. But with you, he's not sure. For one, he does not want to just hook up with you.

Even though you're his sister's age, you are a woman. One who has lived in the real world for a while now. You're probably not interested in boys. Because that is what Aegon is; a college-aged boy.

He's reminded of the fact when he walks into the Graveyard and sees you perched on a barstool in a black dress with a leg slit and your red-painted lips drawn into a teasing smile. You're entertaining a man with shoulder-length hair. Aegon can't see who it is since his back is turned towards him. But the man is broad and he for sure could break bones with ease.

Helaena wildly waves with her hands above her head and it gets your attention. The smile grows to that one of glee as you hop off the stool, making your way over to them.

Hugging Helaena, you close your eyes. "It's so good to see you! You look absolutely stunning!" You make Helaena do a twirl.

"You too! I am obsessed with this dress, oh my Gods! I hope you don't mind that Aegon came with? I texted you before we left."

Pulling your phone out of your bra, you check the messages that you missed. With a nod, you put the device back. "Oh yeah, I see... I had a meeting, so I put it on silent. Do you guys want anything to drink?"

You lead them up a pair of stairs that are closed off by a velvet rope and security opens it for you and them to pass through.

As you all settle in the booth, you turn to the sibling pair. "It's 2000's night, so expect a lot of Timberland, Sean Paul, and Christina Aguilera."

You feel a hand on your shoulder and turn your head. Harwin. He looks at you in earnest before motioning for you to follow him with a nod.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll be right back." You meet Aegon's eyes and smile at him. You stand up and squeeze his underarm.

Harwin leads you to your office and you close the door behind you. He stands in the middle of the room, his fists balled and his lips tight. "How do you know them?"

You raise your eyebrows. "Who? Helaena and Aegon? What is it to you?" Walking towards your desk, you lean against it.

"They... they're-" Harwin sighs, running a hand over his face. "They are no good. Helaena is the best of the lot, but Aegon and Aemond... You need to stay away from them."

Pushing off the desk, you go stand in front of him, tilting your head up so you can look him in the eyes. "How do you know that?"

Harwin hesitates for a moment, searching for the right words. "My wife's their half-sister. Her father re-married and out came them. There is also another one, but he's in Oldtown. They're all spoiled brats!"

With a deep inhale, you try to put all the information in the right order. So... Harwin's in-laws are the age of his own children? But they're all biologically connected? What in the world...

"And what is so wrong about Aegon? He seems quite lovely."

The man grabs both of your hands in a fatherly matter, a sorry look on his face. "Don't do this to yourself. I know that look, it was the same one your father had in his eyes after meeting our mother."

Before you can protest, he hushes you. "He's a boy, Y/n. He parties until he almost has alcohol poisoning, sleeps around with no regard for their feelings, and loves getting in trouble."

Pulling your hands back, your face hardens. "I get that you and your family have their judgements about them, but Helaena's been nothing but a good friend to me so I won't let you talk about her brother like that. You are not my father, Harwin. He's dead and I've been taking care of myself for all these years, so I don't need you to start doing that now."

You turn around and walk briskly out of the office, leaving your second-hand man in the middle of the room.

How dares he? You get that he wants to look out for you, but he's out of line. You can judge for your own if Aegon is truly what Harwin says he is. You don't need his prejudice to swarm your judgement.

Besides, you know that you can't take this too far. Aegon is an innocent civillian. You can't pull him into your world without being sure he's one hundred per cent okay and ready to face it. It's all innocent fun, right?

You take a deep breath before you go sit back in the booth where you left Helaena and Aegon. Only Helaena is gone and has left Aegon on his own. He looks up from his phone with big eyes, but a smile grows on his face once he sees it's you.

"Where's Hel?", your question, looking around to maybe spot her.

Aegon puts his phone in his pocket, focusing on your face. "She went to grab something to drink but she got distracted and is dancing. Look, right there." He points towards the crowd, but when he notices you're looking to the wrong side, Aegon grabs your hand and guides your pointer finger to where his sister is twirling around.

You laugh out loud at the sight of Helaena totally minding her own business, oblivious to the many stares she's getting.

"Do you also want to dance?" You turn to face Aegon. What you didn't realise is while Aegon helped you to point to Helaena, your faces are practically next to each other. Now that you turned your head, your noses almost touched.

Aegon's cheeks turn a violent prink as he doesn't know what to do. Normally he would have taken the chance to kiss the girl, but he doesn't dare to do that to you. You're far too beautiful to just kiss so carelessly.

You don't wait for his reply and just pull Aegon to the dance floor. At first, he's awkward and doesn't know what to do. You grab his hands and place them on your middle.

"I love this part", you say as the music slows down. Your lips are touching his ear shell. Was it a seducing technique? Who knows.

Aegon feels that the time, like the song, slows down as he watches you dance with your eyes closed and smile. The multiple coloured lights dance over your face and give you an ethereal glow.

His hands on your waist tighten their grip and pull you flush against his body. Your eyes open and watch how he smiles much more confidently than all the times before. It widens your own and you two sway from side to side together, feeling the music.

Aegon twirls you around, and it earns a giggle from you. "Where is this sudden confidence comming from?", you ask as you lay both of your hands on his chest. You feel his heart beat rapidly under your right hand and it tells you that he's maybe not as confident as he looks. "It's cute."

"Is it good cute or bad cute?" He cocks his head to the side, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

You pretend to think for a moment. "It's cute."

Aegon smiles amused, you're flirting with him. He's at a loss for words, so he's saying the first thing that comes across his brain. "Ha- have I already told you how beautiful you look?"

There is something so endearing about Aegon, you decide then and there. He gets a spurt of confidence but then he just forgets it. So suddenly. He eyes you shyly through his lashes all while putting on the most blinding and radiating smile you've ever seen.

You spend hours dancing together, him twirling you around and jumping up and down. You don't even notice your heels are killing you until you take a moment to sit back down and drink something.

Groaning, you slip out of your shoes and pull your feet up on the seat, so they're not touching the nasty ground. Aegon comes back with two glasses of something and slides next to you. He grabs your feet and pulls you close to him.

And you two just talk. About everything and nothing. Especially life.

"Excuse me, how many times did you say?", you ask baffled.

Aegon grins sheepishly. "Yeah... I'm on my tenth major right now. The uni allows it because dad's a huge benefactor of the school."

You lean back. "So... y'all rich?"

"I-I wouldn't call us ri-rich. We're comfortable..." His cheeks colour a bright red as he stammers out.

A soft smile grows on his face. "It's okay, Aegon. There is nothing wrong with having more money than the average citizen. And also not with not knowing what to do once you hit uni age. Way too early we have to choose what we will do for the rest of our lives, in my opinion at least."

Aegon looks in wonder at the woman who sits next to him. They are almost the same age but she's so much wiser beyond her age.

"Why did you drop out?"

The sudden question surprises you. It also seems to surprise and embarrass Aegon as he shrinks in himself.

"I... dropped out because my father died", you begin, looking at the half-empty glass on the table and how the condensation slowly drips down, "I am- was his only child, so everything came down on me. I knew that I couldn't keep my father's legacy afloat while attending university, so I choose what was the best."

"Was it the best for you?", asks Aegon quietly, reaching for your hand.

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I don't know." It comes out in nearly a whisper, but he has heard it.

Aegon doesn't hesitate for a moment and pulls you in a hug, laying his head on your shoulder.

The hug goes as quickly as it comes, and you push him away. You don't know what to do, so you fake a jawn. "Oh gosh, I'm actually really tired. Do you want me to drop you off at your place?"

Aegon nods, defeated. He knows he has taken it a step too far. What was he thinking?!

You tell him to wait outside as you go seek Helaena. You return alone, telling him that Helaena said she would get back home on her own because she found a couple friends from uni.

The ride back to the Targaryen sibling's apartment is very quiet, apart from the radio playing some pop songs.

"Can I tell you a secret?", you say after a while. "I'm actually quite scared of driving in the dark."

Aegon turns to you with raised eyes. "If you want, I could take over?"

You shake your head. "Thank you, but it's okay. It has quite the irony, believe me. Most of my business is conducted in the dark, with all the clubs and bars and such. I have really bad astigmatism, but wearing glasses in this profession is pretty impractical."

The eldest Targaryen sibling nods, drumming along with the music. He watches the cars pass by, before turning his gaze towards you. He studies your face again, finding new exciting details. And they are the most mundane things. Like how you scan the road, looking ever so often in the rearview mirror.

It's every freckle and mole that adorns your face. Every dimple and scar. The way your nose is shaped. The little peach fuzz that he spots when your profile is lighted from behind.

"I sing."

"Excuse me?"

"I sing and hum when I am scared. When I drive alone, I put on Disney songs to keep my mind at ease." You admit, glancing at Aegon to gauge his reaction.

If there is one flaw you had to name about yourself, it would be your fear to drive in the dark. It's stupid, for a member of The Seven to be scared of driving when the sun is down, but too much bad shit happens at night.

A smile grows on his face. Aegon feels really special that you tell him this. Nobody ever tells him something personal. And he doesn't blame them. Normally he doesn't give a shit about other people.

But you aren't other people. At least not to him.

Nothing else is said for the remainder of the car ride to the Targaryen siblings' residential. And neither Aegon nor you feel the need to say something. A comfortable silence hangs between you two.

You pull up to the building, and Aegon undoes his seatbelt. "Thank you", he says, smiling shyly.

You reach over and kiss him on his cheek. "Have a good night, Darling."

His cheeks grow hot and he stumbles out of the car, waving at you as he fumbles his way inside the building. Once he is in the elevator, he leans against the wall and exhales loudly. He is so fucking in love with you.

Later that night, when Aegon lays in his bed, he stares up at his phone. He feels really bad that he's doing this. But after tonight, he can't stay away from you. So, he decides, he's going to find your Instagram account. He wants to start with searching your name, but there are way too many Y/n's to just do that. Plus, he doesn't know your last name.

Having a eureka moment, Aegon goes to his sister's account. You're sure to come by at some point.

Helaena follows over a million people, so there's no way he could find you in the pile. He does search your name but to no avail. He next tackles his sister's story highlights with her friends. You are sure to come by at one point.

He taps at rapid speed through the photos of his sister with her friends, their cousins and nephews.

He once taps wrong and ends up on Aemond's Insta. Pretentious fucker, only posting 'aesthetic' pictures of himself, himself shirtless, or his stupid piano. Ugh.

Just as he wants to give up, there are you. You and Helaena hang off of each other, big smiles on your faces and a cig in between Hel's fingers. Your account is tagged as stragner. He never could have guessed that.

The content also does not say a lot. Only 9 posts. Travelling photos, dropped coffee, a cute snowman, and embroidery. Huh, thinks Aegon, he would never have considered it. But at the same time isn't so strange to imagine you with an embroidery hoop.

His thumb hovers over the follow button. At the last second, he decides not to. Except he has a big ass thumb and accidentally taps on the button.

Aegon jumps a metre in the air, throwing his phone across his room and hiding under his covers. Stupid stupid STUPID. He and his stupid fat fingers.

From across town, you lay curled up on the couch watching a series you meant to catch up on a while ago when your phone dings next to you.

You pick up your phone and when you see the notification, you're giggling like a little schoolgirl.

[INSTAGRAM] aegs started to follow you

How in the seven hells did he find you? You scroll through his account. The previous smile you had now grows even wider. He posts a lot of pictures of himself ─ not all even pretty but still endearing. A couple of memes pass by and also funny pictures of animals. It's charming.

Without hesitation, you press the Follow back button and throw your phone on the couch next to you, not daring to look if he sends you a dm or something.

Oh, how grateful you are Helaena convinced you to make an Insta account.

That night the both of you go sleeping with big ass smiles on your faces. Your cheeks still hurt the morning you wake up.

[aegs] Hey, idk if this is too forwards, but do you want to hang out some time? [aegs] Totally no pressure if you're too busy or anything

Aegon feels like an idiot. More than he normally is. He has debated the whole night about sending you a dm. You're a busy person who has probably better things to do than text with some guy.

He nearly chokes in his serial when he sees the notification flash by. You replied. You even liked his first message.

[stragner] Of course! Sounds fun [stragner] I am really busy tomorrow and the day after that, tho... But Thursday I'm free!

Thursday... Thursday... Is he free? Aegon checks his calendar to make sure he's one hundred per cent sure he has nothing else. He has classes, but he could ditch that. Wait... you wouldn't like him to do that. So he can't do that.

[aegs] I do have classes, but after I'm fully yours!

Aegon cringes at his own desperation. Even though he feels anxious about your reply.

Meanwhile, you type away, deleting some before deciding to not change anything and just send it.

[stragner] That sounds like a plan. Should I pick you up? I know this very pretty coffee place we could grab a cuppa

Putting your phone in your back pocket, you turn around and put on your game face. Harwin is holding a man up by his hair, his face swollen with bruises and a mix of blood, snot, and tears running down his face.

It was easy to lure the man. Putting your tits in his face while grinning down at him and he didn't see you putting drugs in his morning coffee.

Grabbing a pair of pliers, you approach the man. "I'll ask you one last time, nicely. Where did the shipment go?"

Snorting snot back, the man's bottom lip quivers. "I-I don't know! I did-didn't work that ni-night!"

"WRONG!" You motion for Harwin to hold down his hand and you yank out a nail. The man wails in pain while you study the nail. "You have nine more nails and I have all the time in the world. I will get the truth, even if it means I have to pull out all your toenails."

After the third nail, the man repents. "It was R'hllor! R'hllor stole the shipment!"

Pulling back, you look at the man. "R'hllor?"

He nods desperately. "Y-yes! R'hllor wants to make his way to Westeros! He has multiple politicians and police officers in his pocket!"

"It's such a shame...", you tut, grabbing his chin to lift his gaze to meet your eyes. "Such a shame that the only thing you can spew is old news, honey."

The man thrashes wildly against Harwin's iron grip as you move back to the station with all your tools, only to grab the jerrycan with gasoline.

"Did you know", you begin as you pour the liquid onto the man, "in the olden days, ceremonies held for R'hllor involved fire. It was believed that, when staring into a flame, his followers would receive prophecies. Shall we check if it's true?"

Striking a match, you let it dance in front of your face before you flick it towards the man, the gasoline catching on fire and burning the man in mere seconds.

Harwin hands you a rag so that you can clean your hands, "so R'hllor's trying to expand out of Essos? Bossman won't be happy with this news."

You shrug. "When is he ever happy? Should we tell him before or after he had his breakfast coffee?"

Both of you check your watches. 9:36 AM. "After", you both agree, making your way up the stairs of the basement, letting the man behind ─ still screaming and thrashing as the flames burn away at his skin.

Thursday morning stands Aegon in front of his closet in his underpants, hands on his hips while staring at his clothes. What is date appropriate but doesn't scream desperate? That doesn't scream 'please fuck me'. He's not that desperate... he thinks...

Aemond's head peeks through the crack of Aegon's door, his nose upturned. "Don't forget that Cole is picking us up after school to bring us to mum."

The eldest brother turns his eyes towards his brother. "What? Why?"

"Dinner before the gala, remember dinkwad?" Aemond rolls his singular eye annoyed and slams the door after him.

Fuck... there goes Aegon's plans to woo you. He grabs his phone and quickly sends you a text.

[aegs] I am so sorry but I have to take a rain check on our date. Mum's suddenly expecting us this afternoon🙄

[stragner] Oh... [stragner] No worries tho. Another time?

[aegs] Yes! [aegs] Definitely! [aegs] I promise, scout's honour🤞

Aegon is annoyed. He could have spent his afternoon with you, enjoying time together. But instead, he's at home picking at his food while his mother gushes about Aemond and how great he is doing at school. Barf.

Picking at his food, his attention is pulled towards his mother. "I've had your suit sent to the dry cleaners. I expect you to be on your best behaviour tonight. So no flirting with guests, or eyeing the waiters."

Aegon lifts up one eyebrow annoyed while nodding, his eyes still focussed on his asperges. "I'll be on my best behaviour, mother."

The night has not yet begun and he's already annoyed. And it doesn't help that once he tries on his suit, it barely fits him.

Yes, Aegon knows that he let himself go the past years, but he always used to bounce back. But now, his stomach isn't as flat as it used to be and his sides are softer, rounder.

Helaena passes by his room and hears him huff. She peeks her head inside and sees him mentally struggling with his suit. She quickly goes to her own room and returns with a plastic bag.

Aegon hears a knock and is surprised to see Helaena with a soft smile on her face. "I wanted to give you this on your birthday, but it seems like you need this now."

He hesitantly grabs the bag and pulls out a three-piece suit. It's a nice dark green colour. It looks and feels really expensive. "Thanks, Hel", he says, giving her a genuine smile.

A while later, all dressed and ready, Aegon follows after his family as they walk in fashionably late into the gala event. His father walks next to his mother, heavily relying on his cane. Aemond guides Helaena into the venue and that leaves Aegon to fend for himself.

He miserably stares into his wine glass, looking around the room with a curled-up lip. All these rich people pretend to care about whatever charity is hosting this gala while they just want to flaunt their wealth. It makes him sick. It makes him long for a simpler life, one without

Aegon's eyes scan the room but halt on a figure standing with their back towards him talking with his half-sister and her husband. They are dressed in a simple, floor-length black dress with a slit and sheer red gloves that end just above their elbows.

They throw their hair over their shoulder and Aegon swears his heart stops. It's you. And you have never been more beautiful.

You throw your head back in a laugh and hit Rhaenyra's husband on his shoulder. No... it can't be... Aegon swore he vaguely recognised that man from the club. Since when does Rhaenyra's husband work for you?

Rhaenyra says something and he sees you turn around. As you spot him, a large and genuine smile grows on your face and you excuse yourself.

Aegon nervously straightens out his three-piece suit and does a quick breath check.

"Don't you look like a handsome young man", you muse, reaching out and brush a stray hair out of his face. "The colour suits you well. Why don't you do a spin?"

He awkwardly turns on his heels, and you clasp your hands together. Aegon feels his cheeks heat up. "You look very pretty, Darling. Have they left you behind?

You motion with your head to his sister ─ who sits with their father, happily munching on a piece of cake ─ and his brother and mother ─ who look at you with their lips curled up.

Aegon groans softly, knowing what that means. And yup, as he suspected, his mother hightails over to him and you. Aemond's gaze trained on them like a hawk, a scowl on his face.

"Aegon who... is this?" Allicent does a once over, her eyes travelling up your figure, obviously judging. "Wait... I know you. Don't you work for Harwin Strong?

You hold out your hand for her to shake with a confident smile and introduce yourself. "Actually, Harwin works for me, Mrs Targaryen."

This makes the woman's eyebrows raise in surprise, an unreadable look on her face. "My. Aren't you a bit young to be- what exactly are you?"

A soft 'mom!' comes from Aegon, embarrassed. You grab his hand to let him know it's alright. "I own a security company, ma'am. I had to, unfortunately, take over the family business after my father's untimely passing. But I'm sure you must've already known this, being in-laws and everything." The smile you give Alicent is big and tooth-rottenly kind, in a fake way.

"Well, it was nice talking to you." And with that, his mother turns away to go back to the table to sit next to her son. They angrily whisper to each other. Their glances and glares are quite obvious.

"I'm sorry-", begins Aegon, but you take his face in both of your hands, a worried look in your eyes.

"Are you okay, Honey?"

He nods sheepishly. You haven't called him Honey before, and it sends the butterflies in his stomach bustling.

You sigh, fixing your gloves, and cock your head to the side. "To be honest, I'm pretty much done with all this peacocking. I do have to speak to a handful of people. What do you say? Want to join me before ditching this whole affair?"

You hold out your hand and Aegon takes it excitedly with a nod. You pull him around the room. And while you talk with people — which Aegon does not even have the care for to listen to the topics — you don't let go of him. Every time you have to shake someone's hand, you are sure to grab his arm with your other. Never losing contact.

And as you promised, in no time the two of you are in your car and speeding away from the event.

The way to your house is closer to his own apartment than Aegon thought. You drive the car into the underground parking and park the car in a marked spot with your apartment number.

You lead him to the elevator and scan a card before pressing a button. The doors close and Aegon feels the elevator move up.

The two of you stand next to each other, shoulders touching. Suddenly, you sign frustrated and whisper a ‘fuck it’.

As Aegon wants to turn to you and ask what is wrong, you grab him by his tie and smash your lips against his. The kiss is hungry, full of desperation and want.

Aegon does not know what to do with his hands, holding them up in the air surprised.

You pull away from him, lipstick smutched. Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips. With a sigh, you release the tie and take a step back. "I'm sorry. I should have asked." You hang your head down in shame. Damn you for assuming.

Aegon reaches out and pushes your chin up before connecting your lips again. This time in a softer manner. His hand goes from your chin to your cheek, before it ends up on your neck and pulls you flushed against him.

You hum satisfied, gripping his shoulders and lean in even more than you would have thought possible. You bite his bottom lip softly, releasing it with a pop.

A soft whimper leaves Aegon's lips as your own trail down the corner of his lips, to his yaw and sucking on his neck. He rolls his head to the side, giving you more access while his hand laces into your hair.

The elevator doors roll open and you pull away. Your lips are puffy and red, your chest rising rapidly as you watch Aegon come back from cloud seven.

"Come on", you say and take his hand, leading him into your penthouse.

On the way to your bedroom, you've lost both your gloves and your high heels, while Aegon is on his bare feet and his tie hangs loosely around his neck. The jacket he wore is thrown somewhere your gloves also have ended up.

Reaching your bedroom, you push him down to your bed. Aegon leans back on his elbows. You push the straps of your dress down, and it lands on the ground. Aegon's eyes are transfixed on your boobs. They have to be the most perfect pair he has ever seen. And he has seen a lot.

"What is that?", he whispers with a smile, eyes fixated on the black strips holding up your boobs.

You roll your eyes, pulling the tape off your body. "You don't think my tits stay up by themselves, do you? Darling, gravity isn't the biggest fan of breasts."

Aegon sits up, pulling you closer to him by your hips. "I don't care, I like 'em." He presses a kiss above your belly button and smiles up at you.

You feel the heat creep up onto your face, and you look away smiling. "Shut up and get undressed."

"Yes ma'am", he smiles, and reaches for his blouse, but he hesitates.

You notice the quiver in his hands, and you reach out. "We don't have to be doing anything you don't like, Aegon. Just say the word and we can just chill on the couch."

But Aegon shakes his head, "no, I want this. I want you. But I'm... I'm scared you aren't going to like what you see."

Aegon knows his confidence is mostly an act to hide the fact that most days, he feels too fat and too lumpy.

With a shake of your head, you take his hands. "You could never disappoint me, Darling. May I..?" You refer to his shirt and Aegon nods.

Unbuttoning his blouse, you push the fabric off his shoulders. You take him in. Yes, his curves are round and his belly has faint stretch marks. But that makes him all more desirable to you.

In a world that is harsh and rough, you need something soft.

"You're perfect", you whisper before kissing him again with much vigour. And this time, Aegon knows what to do. He wraps his hands around your sides and pulls you on top of him, a thick thigh between your legs.

You hold his face as you grind against his thigh, creating friction on your core. Breaking the kiss, you moan out. Aegon lifts you off so he can shimmy out of his pants and underwear. You pull down your panties and fling them across the room.

Now that the two of you are finally naked — in Aegon's opinion — you crawl on his lap and reach for his penis. You squeeze him, swiping your thumb over his tip. Aegon moans loudly.

"Please", he whimpers.

"Please what?" You raise an eyebrow and pump him slowly

Aegon lifts his hips into your hand, "please- I- I- I can't! I have to feel you."

Taking pity, you let go of his cock and throw one leg over him, straddling him. You line up his dick and slowly lower yourself.

As you sink down on Aegon's cock, one hand gripping your hip and his other on a tit, with his head thrown back into the pillow in ecstasy, you don't notice a text flashing by on your phone screen.

[BOSSMAN] Enjoy your toy while it lasts

Taglist: @howyouloveyourdragon @linn-a-a @cogumoss @babyvulcan @ilovedesert-20089 @prettyblondguys @asiandongbongsoo

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lady-of-disdain · 1 year

Note

I've been totally OBSESSED with your writings, and since then have developed from not knowing anything about killer into going head over heels over him thanks to your beautiful stories

I'm totally invested in both save load reload and poor little meow meow, and had devoured your other oneshots as well since all of them are just soooo good and deliciously written! also I can't stress enough about the characterization!!

With that, while I prefer to remain anonymous, I present to you my contribution! It's not much but I totally love popsicles trope so I can't NOT draw this

https://imgur.com/ZVW7VxP (anonymous unfortunately means that I sadly can't upload any media, so please accept this link instead)

(Feel free to upload the art/use it however you want, it's made just for you afterall!)

pst raspberry amirite

Sweet, lovely Nonny! I got all the comments that you left on the fic and I love every single word of them! People who leave comments on every chapter of a fic as they read like you did are precious and so, so, so beloved. I would sneak away during work to peek and see if you had finished the next chapter yet. It was so much fun and gave me so much life through this week! It gave me a lot of motivation to keep working on the next chapter too (I'm about two-thirds of the way through!)

But oh my goodness! Your comments were so much of a treat, to find this art in my inbox also? You are simply amazing! I am so in love with this art! Your style is so cool, and you did Killer's expressions so well. I AM JUST INCREDIBLY UNWELL ABOUT IT! <3 <3 <3

Aaaaaaa! And you have no idea how happy it makes me whenever someone says that I helped them start simping for Killer! He is one of my favorite AU's and I love seeing him getting attention and love.

Gosh, I just don't know how much more I can tell you how much I appreciate you Nonny!

I'll go ahead and post the art for people who might have difficulty with the link, but I'll put it under a cut because A) it's a teeny-tiny bit suggestive, and B) it's not my art. <3 I would love to share this on the next chapter, I suppose I can link back to this post to do so. Would you mind if I also embedded the art into the chapter it was based on so people can see it like that also?

#plmm

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scoobydoodean · 9 months

Note

links to all the crit dramas? plz? pretty pretty plz? with plzes on top?

Bestie that is a BIG ask and I did not keep up with all the links for all of these (nor would it be feasible to link all of the wank that happened in some cases, and I think in other cases, it would be poor form). But here’s a rundown in (to the best of my memory) chronological order.

Poor wet cat failed pacifists Cas

I think this one may have more context than I know—it's a fairly common motif anyway and has been for years. But the disk horse was reignited at some point because Courtney Queermania said that Dean is, in fact, willing to be inconvenienced by Cas. This did not sit well with anti-dean destiels, who went on the post to tell Courtney they are wrong about everything because *looks at notes* Cas was dedicated to pacifism and Dean forced him to be an evil killer or some other made up nonsense. Dean also forced Cas to fall from heaven and poor bumbling billion year old baby Cas can't even take a shit without Dean's say so, so everything is always Dean's fault and he can't even be grateful and is mean and evil and probably abusive too etc etc. Funny stuff from people who ship Dean and Cas. Btw. Elements of this camp had been sending Courtney hate mail for months before this for daring to post a poll featuring canonical events that occur in the actual show.

Deangirl Uquiz

In April, I made a 50-question True/False uquiz called "How sus do you look to a deanfan (me)?" and said you were sus if you got anything less than like an 80 or something. It was supposed to be a silly, tongue-in-cheek shitpost. I did most of my fandom interaction over on @i-make-fun-of-spn-characters at the time, but intentionally did NOT post this uquiz over there (to a much larger audience) because the uquiz I'd made was meant for a small group of like-minded mutuals and followers who would actually understand the context and find it amusing.

Well. It ended up spreading.

Deancrits got ahold of it and were very very mad that I dared to say things like, "Dean is not largely responsible for Sam and Cas's issues" and "People should have laughed at Dean's jokes more" and "Sam and Cas didn't actually deserve Dean's trust in season 4/6 because they were gaslight gatekeep girlbossing and could not be trusted". They grabbed my uquiz to use like a fleshlight, then discarded it on the ground and cried that it was too big around to suit their tiny wieners.

Deancrits drove their followers to brigade my post and my page. I received hate mail. People spewed venom at me directly. Worst of all, someone I don't give a damn about told me I am not funny. :(((( People pushed and made uquizes to "combat" mine. I spawned countless vagues all over spnblr--some supportive, some spewing venom about deanfans violent hatred (???) for Sam and Cas. Whole mutualships were lost between people I didn't even know over this uquiz. It was nuts out there.

I sexily evaded deancrits with my sexy ways while they chased me through the town square, trying to wrestle me into a hair shirt. I edited the uquiz with some more snark since deancrits made it all about them anyway, and changed my icon to flaming Elmo and probably changed my header to say "@ Deancrits Suck my Ass" or something I don't remember. I think I became genuinely angry at one point for about 5 minutes. After that, I remembered a deancrit casgirl took my 50 question uquiz several times in a row, shitting out their insides with rage the entire time, then posted the screenshot of their 0% to all of their followers like the trophy head of some vanquished beast, letting out a warrior howl of victory. To this day, I could not tell you why they thought this would stick it to me. However, this was so incredibly funny that to this day I still risk pissing myself laughing when I think about it. To get that 0, they also had to call Dean their poor little meow meow btw.

Vegan Sam

Every few years deancrit samgirls start this really funny disk horse about how Dean is an evil food tamperer who doesn’t respect that Sam is a vegan. This, of course, is also a violation of Sam's bodily autonomy (see section below). Victoria Angelsdean dared to make an original post stating that Sam is not, in fact, a vegan and never ever has been one. This made vegan Sam truthers really mad, and it was really funny.

Later on, because Courtney Queermania had been receiving a continuous stream of hate mail from deancrits since February, I had lodged a threat (blackmail) to make a second uquiz of evil and villainy in retaliation should any more hate mail be sent to Courtney. During the "Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor" disk horse, I made good on this threat, and featured a question about whether or not Sam is a vegan, which made them mad yet again.

Also this post was fun.

Jesus!Sam

Back in April, tumblr user christ-figure-bracket took it upon themselves to create a poll tournament to determine the ultimate christ figure in fiction. Samgirls have long enjoyed paralleling Sam with Jesus, and nominated him for the tournament. In the first round, Sam was put up against Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia—literal lion Jesus. Samgirls were determined to bring Sam victory. Much of SPNblr endeavored to assist because it would be funny if Sam won. I was a stick in the mud about it, and gave this as my reasoning:

#i’m sorry I know Sam beating Aslan would be funny but I can’t stand the sam = jesus take #worst thing sam girls ever came up with #and that’s a large hurdle to clear #not even because i have a problem with people wanting to read into things and explore symbolism #it’s because some of them get gigantic heads about it and then act like they’re being persecuted for their beliefs

Lo and behold—they proceeded to prove me right.

Very early on, some samgirls started telling people who voted against Sam to kill themselves, and complaining openly by name about fellow samgirls who didn't support their plight. However, the real trouble started when christ-figure-bracket made it clear in a humorous manner that they would prefer not to have wincest shippers in their notes. Enraged, angry wincest shippers began sending christ-figure-bracket hate mail, and adding wincest fic and art to their posts and sending it in DMs, and saying they were being persecuted for their beliefs. christ-figure-bracket could barely block them fast enough. Samgirls cleverly recollected—from a few hours before—that Sam had been placed against literal lion Jesus in the very first round. This and the wincest shipper blocking clearly implied christ-figure-bracket's barely-concealed hatred for samgirls. They were no impartial moderator—no! They intended to skew the poll to destroy Sam!

Anyway, christ-figure-bracket removed Sam from the entire tournament as a punishment. Sonic the Hedgehog ended up winning the whole thing, btw. Also I thought it was funny that Sam got kicked out so I said so in some tags. I got some absolutely batshit mail about my "unfandom behavior" and how I place myself as some "sane anti bully saint" and then the person pinned a vaguepost on their page about me choosing who to bully and who to baby for like a month.

Jesus!Sam disk horse returned for a part 2 when Courtney Queermania said something like, "Making a t-shape with your arms should be called 'Sammying'" and got this shit in their inbox:

Dean winning the best tits poll

People got really mad that Sam didn't win this. There was also a lot of arguing about "tits" versus "pecs" and whether Sam has good tits or good pecs.

Sam’s Super Special Most Violated Autonomy Stolen Valor

One day, Courtney Queermania dared to say on their own blog, that they were considering whether Sam’s autonomy actually gets violated anymore than anyone else’s, and weren't sure that it does.

This suggestion resulted in a firehose of anonymous hate mail on Courtney's blog, about what a terrible evil person Courtney is for daring to think this, about how Sam is the specialist most autonomy-less adult baby ever to exist, and how deangirls daring to possibly deny this truth or suggest anyone else ever experienced a violation of their autonomy is a violation of samgirls bodily autonomy in of itself.

To be clear, NOT ONCE did any of us go on any samgirl's page to interact with ANY of them in any negative way. And yet, samgirls fully treated all of us as absolutely evil horrible insensitive people who were actually harming them irl by posting things on our own blogs. While their friends spewed absolutely vile hate messages at Courtney, samgirl blogs were making posts about OUR cruelty and how any of us daring to find humor within the onslaught was deeply evil and insensitive toward them. It was literally argued that Samgirls themselves are all super special victims of abuse who all of us (who clearly have never been through anything bad ever) were being insensitive toward. So of course that mode of thinking within the samgirl community encouraged the hate bombing to continue as some justified form of "retaliation" against our cruelty.

Genuinely I think the hate mail on this went on for like 1-2 months. Some really really ugly vile shit was sent mixed in with some really funny shit. Questions were pondered such as, "Wait a minute—how is everyone defining autonomy???" "Is a demon tricking Sam a violation of Sam's autonomy?"" "Do Deangirls just want to give all of Sam's Super Special Traumas to Dean, who has never been through anything, ever?" "How many incidents can PK come up with where Sam violated Dean's autonomy within 3 minutes?" I posted the aforementioned blackmail uquiz, and Courtney gave all of us this incredible baby Sam image that shall live on in infamy (and haunt all of our dreams).

Psychic!Dean or: Sam's stolen valor part 2

I believe it all started when Laura ilarual made a post talking about a funny headcanon they came up with in a discord server, wherein Dean managing to predict the future fairly frequently is actually a display of latent psychic abilities Dean isn't aware he has. Courtney Queermania also joked about it, which is a crime punishable by death, because Courtney (a completely normal, nice person) is actually the devil incarnate according to a variety of hate anons who have targeted them nonstop since February 2023 for literally no fucking reason.

This resulted in this hate mail, and also blended with the general autonomy disk horse that was still going on in Courtney's inbox at the time.

I think what was funny to everyone about Psychic!Dean was how spitting mad it made people for absolutely no reason other than it was somehow perceived as "stolen valor" by samgirls. I started shitposting after that about how Dean can sense hidden rooms. Psychic!Dean has become one of my favorite headcanons since—we're all rather fond of it now.

Gun Safety: A Commentary on pillows and black store clerks

This is two different diskhorses in a trenchcoat that happened with deancrit destiels/casgirls. Once again—me and my friends never went on anyone's page to interact with anyone in a negative way.

This disk horse had two related flavors: is Dean bad and evil and the devil incarnate for 1) sleeping with a gun under his pillow and/or 2) Shooting Jack in the back to get his attention and keep him from strangling a black store clerk to death? Also, are either or both of these things abusive because of... the lack of gun safety?

I suppose you can guess what side deancrit casgirls landed on regarding both of these issues. It was suggested that the sheer possibility that Dean might hurt poor white baby Jack's feefees should trump the life of the innocent black store clerk he was strangling to death in a rage. Naturally.

Regarding the former vein of discourse: Someone got really really mad at Victoria angelsdean and me for making posts on our own blogs that didn't frame Dean as the source of all evil in the world for having a gun under his pillow, and started going through our blogs reblogging things and being an insufferably condescending asshat in tags with a very transparent goal. Among their complaints, were that "The Prisoner" is an incidence of "domestic violence" against Cas, and that Cas shoving his hand into a child's chest to feel for his soul causing him excruciating pain is perfectly fine, but Dean sleeping with a gun under his pillow is *looks at notes* abusive to Jack. Also they thought it was very important to remind all of us that their dad was in the army for some reason.

I was completely unable to take any of this seriously. If you haven't been on my page long, you might not be very familiar with my potty mouth, but it's important here. I've been here a long enough time that I've seen countless kind people get hate bombed by ugly disgusting assholes in this fandom, and this year I simply had enough. Somewhere around the 20th time I saw fellow deangirls get absolutely vile messages from deancrits or obnoxiously condescending reblogs full of nonsense in the year of our lord 2023, I started endeavoring to embarrass them. One way I did this was by equating deancrits who come onto deangirls blogs to police their posts and act like insufferable condescending assholes... with a dude who walks into a men's locker room and immediately whips his dick out. Everyone else is clothed, but this one dude starts running around naked, showing everyone his cock and going "LOOK HOW BIG MY COCK IS. SUCK ON IT" and not only is he being annoying and weird and harassing people—his dick is actually tiny. Basically I began saying, "Stop whipping your dick out on everybody else's blogs, acting like your cock is big and huge and bulging and I need to get down on my knees and suck it. No one is going to suck you tiny cock just because you decided to whip it out."

I used this metaphor with the person who was being a condescending ass on my blog. I promptly got accused of making "violent sexual threats" by one of their friends, and then another one showed up to tell me, "If internet cancellation were real, you would be so cancelled for this." I changed my header to say, “Cancelled by Ligma Balls” and blocked like 6 people and my blog has been blessedly free of deancrit casgirls throwing tantrums and trying to hit me with their babyhands since.

#mail #dont feed the stans after midnight

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writing-ca-ira · 2 years

Text

SLIGHTLY AWKWARD

König x Reader

Just a little piece about a socially inept König meeting an equally socially inept soldier for the first time. I kinda wanna turn this into a small series, where it’s König and socially awkward reader against the world. If you like this, please give code name suggestions for the reader.

The reader is gender neutral.

Contains: soldier reader, socially awkward reader, a dreadful phone call (introverts beware), König is my poor little meow meow and no disgruntled fuck can take that away from me, don’t know how KorTac works, RIP.

… But, god… why did he have to make the call?

Everyone knows König’s not the most social guy out there. Sure, he can hiss out the most brutal one-liner while mercilessly slitting someone’s throat, but you can’t exactly do that in a normal conversation (that’s usually frowned upon). He’s the type to speak only when spoken to, take orders with a “yes, sir,” and get the job done. To actively seek out someone for a conversation — even if it’s purely for professional means — just isn’t König’s speed.

He should’ve kept walking when he heard a commotion in the common room. Why did he decide to stop at the doorway and peak in, where a couple of KorTac men were futzing around with the printer? Of course one of them was inevitably going to notice his looming presence; but in his defense, how the hell was he supposed to know that they were gonna rope him into helping? “Hey, big guy! You’re one of our contractors, right? How familiar are you with the higher-ups?”

Even after responding with, “uh, not really,” they didn’t seem to care at all; “ah, that’s no problem. All you gotta do it call the office. Tell ‘em this printer’s fucked again. You can manage that, right big guy?” And before he could even think of a way to say no, they all gave him a wicked grin. “Great! Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

And that’s how he ended up staring at the wall-mounted phone in the hallway. Weil ich einfach nicht nein sagen konnte, he bitterly thought to himself.

He shouldn’t of felt as apprehensive as he was. As he kept telling himself over and over again, it was just a phone call. Nothing too serious. But then the thought of the other end asking a question that König would have no way of answering (since he wasn’t the one that broke the stupid printer) entered his mind, and of course that would mean he would have to ask the guys in the common room, and then he would have to relay whatever information they gave him across the line… and there was always the threat of a follow-up question after that…

… Okay, he was stalling.

After a hefty sigh rolled off his lips, he engulfed the phone with his giant hand. The cord was taught as he pulled the speaker part up to his ear — he soon realized he had to bend his knees the slightest bit, since the cord was too short for his massive height — and he started to punch in the number for the office (though there were a few mess-ups that prompted him to whisper a sharp “scheiße” under his breath as he was forced to start over. Why did they have to make the number buttons so small…). After hitting the dial button, he was forced to endure the low beeping noise while the phone rang once… then twice… then a third time…

Clu-click.

… Silence.

Confusion filtered itself into König’s brain. Someone had finally picked up the phone on the other end — he heard it as plain as day — but there was no greeting that followed. And, as König understood it, that’s usually how common phone-etiquette works (not that he’s suddenly the conversational expert or anything). He waited a couple more seconds before realizing he would have to take initiative.

Willst du mich veräppeln…

Despite the anxiety that swirled in his stomach, he weakly cleared his throat. “Uh… hello?”

There was a beat of silence, and found himself critiquing his own voice. Was it too gravelly? Too unenthusiastic? Maybe his accent was too thick? What if they couldn’t hear him because of his sniper veil? Did he sound muffled?

A voice on the other line snapped him out of his thoughts. “Hello.”

Hello. Nothing else. Just hello. König held back the urge to chortle at how dry the response was. Did he even call the right number?

“Um…” he mentally cursed at the slight inflection in his voice. “Is this the office?”

A beat of silence. “I… guess?”

König found himself to be at a loss for words. What did they mean..? The question seemed straightforward; it was either the office or not. There wasn’t really a “who’s to say” option… right?

Nevertheless, he awkwardly coughed into his fist, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “Well… the printer’s broken.”

“… Alright,” was all the person on the other line offered him. He mentally dreaded the thought of him having to say something dumb to end the call, but then he could hear the person distantly say, “uh, sir,” and he realized that the person must’ve been talking to someone else. There was a feint, incomprehensible noise — it sounded kind of like a bark — and the person spoke up again. “The printer’s broken.”

More incomprehensible barks. Except they sounded much more aggressive than before. König concluded that it was another person talking in the background, and by the sounds of it, they weren’t happy (he could’ve sworn he heard “fuck” being thrown around a couple times). Finally, the unintelligible ranting ended, and the person hesitantly spoke up again, this time into the phone. “Uh… why is it broken? The printer, I mean.”

They must’ve made some annotations to whatever speech was delivered on their end, because the question was short and sweet. König scratched the back of his neck and answered honestly; “I don’t know.” He had half the mind to elaborate, but before he could, he could hear the other person say, “he said he doesn’t know.”

Even more incomprehensible barks. König felt a bit of sympathy to whoever was playing messenger in the office for a very moody higher-up. When it was quiet once again, the person let out a coughing noise. “Why, uh, don’t you know?”

“… I wasn’t the one who broke it,” was König’s response. He tried to choose his words carefully, slightly hoping it wouldn’t cause the person anymore trouble on their end, but alas; the information was passed on, and the incomprehensible barks happened once more. Luckily for them, it was shorter than the last couple of times, and the person spoke. “Uh… see you soon.”

Click.

The line went dead. König was quick to put the phone back on its mount before briskly walking away. Whatever pissed-off higher up was making their way to that floor, he wasn’t sticking around. No way in hell he was gonna be lumped in with some dummkopf office men he didn’t even know the names of.

However, as soon as rounded the next corner, he was met with the sight of a pissed off man — wearing a full khaki suit and sunglasses — trucking towards him, and not too far behind him was a fully-suited up soldier (probably a contractor, much like König himself). The khaki man planted himself in front of König and craned his neck upwards.

“You,” he snappily began, his finger pointing accusingly at the giant. “Were you the one who made the call?”

Ah. This must’ve been the source of the barking from the office.

Now, König could’ve answered with a “yes” in that moment, but from what he could hear from the phone call, this man wasn’t in the best of spirits. So, instead of dealing with whatever headache was to come, all he did was wave in the general direction of the common room. Though it didn’t answer the question, it still managed to get the khaki man off his ass. König was immediately brushed aside by the man as he disappeared around the corner. The soldier — who König assumed was the one that answered the call — seemed to debate on following suit, taking a few hesitant steps forward, before angry yells echoed down the hall;

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MORONS DOING?! HOW DO YOU KEEP BREAKING THIS FUCKING PRINTER, HUH?!”

Needless to say, the soldier figured it was a better call to just hang back.

The yelling continued for what felt like hours. Some crashing noises could be heard to accompany it, and while König’s never heard a whole ass printer being thrown against the wall, he would assume it would sound something like that. It was like witnessing a train wreck, except only being able to hear it.

He was about to turn around and leave (he was no longer needed and didn’t feel like being roped into anything else), when he heard the soldier next to him heave a sad sigh. “I just wanted to know if I was getting paid this week,” they mumbled.

Usually, König would pretend he didn’t hear anything and continue on his way. It sounded like they were talking to themself, after all, and weren’t exactly looking for his input. But there was a small part of him that felt bad for this happening, even if it wasn’t necessarily his fault.

So instead, he decided to offer you a word of advice; “not worth the trouble. You should probably just go.”

“… Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The soldier then turned to face him, eyes scanning up and down his body. “Haven’t seen you before. Who are you?”

A sigh almost fell from his lips. Were they seriously looking for a conversation with him? That was the last thing he wanted, especially after that damn phone call (his social meter was on cooldown). Even so, however, he still found himself answering; “König.”

The soldier hummed. They turned to face the hallway again, probably listening to the sounds of all hell breaking loose around the corner. Then they said something. One word. Except König didn’t catch it. His head snapped towards him as he quirked a brow, though he knew they couldn’t see it underneath his sniper mask.

Luckily for him, he didn’t have to say the question on his mind for them to understand. They found themself turning towards him once more. “That’s what they call me here,” they elaborated, then repeating their nickname to him. König hummed in comprehension as they began to walk down the hall. He watched them take several steps before they stopped, looked over the shoulder, and awkwardly stammered out, “uh… see ya.”

Despite the fact that they didn’t wait for a reply, König found himself muttering, “yeah. See ya.”

It was strange to him. Their words were clunky, clumsy, and just straight up awkward, yet he found himself intrigued by their demeanor. Perhaps they, too, were a simply KorTac contractor who got roped into a social scenario (they didn’t seem too skilled in the conversation department, after all). Someone who was skilled in battle, yet completely helpless in dialogue…

König could relate to that.

#MW2 x reader #König x reader #König and socially awkward reader

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ghoulsister1 · 1 year

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🎃SpookTober 31 Days Prompts🎃:

Day 12: Black Cat🐈‍⬛

Captain Kuro x GN!Reader. Little bit of angst. Comfort. Fluff. Some kids being assholes. Old superstitions. Kuro steps in to teach some manners. Reader is a maid to Miss Kaya. You and Kuro have your own house though. SpookTober Prompt: Black Cat🐈‍⬛

☆●This story is dedicated to all those beautiful and gorgeous black cats and dogs out there. Please be kind to any black cat or dog you see whether it's October, Halloween, all year. Just please be kind, we aren't in the Salem Witch Trials anymore!●☆●☆●☆●☆●☆●☆●☆●☆●☆●

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☆●~Curbing Old Superstitions~●☆

You and Kuro were finishing up some last minute shopping when you happen upon a scrawny, black kitten. With everyone avoiding the poor thing, you and Kuro decide to take matters into you own hands.

You had finished up the last bit of shopping for Halloween with Kuro and were heading back home for some much deserved rest and some pumpkin pie and latte.

"I know you aren't fond of the girl, but it was generous of Miss Kaya to give us a holiday to celebrate Halloween together" You Remarked as you and Kuro walked through the street, arms linked together.

Kuro scoffed a bit but gave you a warm smile.

"I suppose I can't complain about her this time, it was generous of her" Agreed Kuro with a hint of reluctance but you smiled and leaned in close as you strolled by the docks. It was there you saw a little ball of fur walk around the sailors, fishermen and fishmongers.

It was a black kitten and judging by it's scrawny figure, it was starving.

"Kuro, look" You Pointed to the kitten. Kuro and you paused in your walking as you both looked at the kitten, meowing pitifully at anyone who would listen. It pawed at one sailor who looked down at it with suspicion.

"Oi shoo! Go on shoo!" Shooed the sailor, moving the kitten away with his foot as the other sailors shooed it off. The kitten looked so confused and frightened but ultimately ran off towards the fish stalls where the fishmongers's wives shouted their offers of freshly caught fish and prices to passers-by.

You watched with hope as the kitten tried to grab an oily sardine from the sardine section. He was so close, so close. Just a little more and.....

"Away with you thief! Go on get! Begone!" Shouted a fishmonger's wife as she shooed the poor kitten away with a broom. The kitten scampered off down an alleyway and your heart ached.

"Oh Kuro, why would they act so cruel? It's only a kitten!" You Asked sadly, hating to see people treat animals so harshly.

"It's a black cat. Some people still believe in the old superstitions of black cats being unlucky, being the familiars of witches and such. Same with black dogs and their association with devils. I of course find such prejudice behaviour towards animals because of such things utterly ridiculous" Explained Kuro, pushing his glasses up with the heel of his hand.

"But in some parts of the world, black cats and dogs are often considered lucky" You Recalled. Kuro nodded in agreement, then looked at the markets along the port with disdain.

"But apparently, these folks don't see it that way" Remarked Kuro. You pulled at Kuro's arm urgently.

"Come on! Let's find the kitten!" You Suggested. Kuro looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Aw come on, you've seen the poor thing. Don't tell me you didn't feel a twinge of heartache for the poor creature!" You Pleaded.

"I did feel sorry for the kitten, of course I would. Come, let's see where he scampered off to. From what I saw he went down that alleyway" Admitted Kuro and you both headed there.

Upon reaching the alleyway, you saw a group of 4 street kids, poking the kitten with sticks as the poor feline hissed and spat. The kids however just laughed.

"That thing's bad luck!" Cried one child.

"Yeah! Let's get rid of it!" Yelled another.

"Bad luck! Bad luck!" Shouted another child.

"Oh no you won't!" You Shouted and the kids turned to you in surprise.

"Leave that kitten alone right now!" You Demanded. The kids glared at you.

"Or what? You aren't our mother lady!" Shouted one child as he pointed his stick at you.

"Don't dare talk to me in that tone! I said leave that kitten alone and you'll do as I say!" You Shouted. Kuro watched as you stood your ground, feeling warm inside at you voiced your demand, sounding like a Captain of a ship.

Suddenly one child picked up a stone and threw it, hitting you square in the nose. You cried out as you clutched your nose, fresh blood gushing forth. The kids laughed and jeered at you as you stumbled a bit because of the pain and force of the stone hitting you. Tears sprung to your eyes as you leaned up against the wall.

Kuro's blood boiled at the sight of some street urchin throwing a stone at you. You, his beloved. This display of utter disrespect would not go unpunished. Kuro slipped his hands into the large, black furred gloves and unsheathed his claws.

When children saw you were injured, the child that threw the stone went to pick another. That was until a large shadow loomed over them and the children looked up, fear filling their eyes as Kuro stood there, claws out and ready, glaring menacingly at the group of children who froze in fear and the child dropped the stone.

"You nasty little street urchins DARE hurt my lady?!" Snarled Kuro, voice laced in venomous rage. The kids trembled as Kuro approached slowly, scraping the claws against the wall of the alleyway, creating an uneasy and frightening sound as the children slowly backed away.

"We.....we....we didn't mean to" Whimpered one child. Kuro sneered, not believing the child's words one bit.

"And you lie to my face? Such bad manners for a child, allow me to teach you all some manners!" Growled Kuro and the kids let out a scream at that as they were trapped in the alleyway. The only way to escape was going through Kuro.

"Please sir! Don't hurt us!" Cried another child. Kuro scoffed at them.

"Oh? But you'll only hurt another person or animal if I don't do teach you manners" Hissed Kuro. The kids trembled.

"We promise! We won't throw stones or be mean to animals! Just let us go please!" Cried the children. Kuro smirked at them cruelly.

"Good. Now get out of my sight!" Snarled Kuro and the children scrambled out of the alleyway, all tears and snots. Kuro removed his gloves and put them away before making his way over to you.

"My dear, are you alright?" Asked Kuro softly as he removed your hands from your nose, revealing the damage. Kuro's eyes widened at the blood from your nose as you sniffled.

"Oh my sweet pet" Cooed Kuro sadly before his eyes narrowed.

"I will mark those urchins's backs with my claws for hurting you" Vowed Kuro angrily. You held Kuro's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"I'll be okay, honest" You Reassured him. Kuro smiled softly. Suddenly there was meow behind Kuro. You both turned to see the black kitten, mewing and pawing at Kuro, weakly. You and Kuro looked at each other and knew exactly what to do. Kuro helped you up and picked up the kitten in his arms.

"You are coming home with us" Declared Kuro as the kitten mewed softly.

You watched happily as the kitten lapped up the milk in the saucer eagerly.

"Poor thing, probably your first time tasting good milk" You Remarked sadly.

"But not anymore" Added Kuro who came in with a bowl of fresh diced up sardines. He placed it down and watched with a smile as the kitten dove right in.

"Bone free as well" Added Kuro and you smiled. Your injury was cleaned up and the bleeding had stopped. Kuro sat down next to you and you both sipped some latte, watching the kitten eat it's fill.

"What shall we name the kitten?" You Asked.

Kuro pursed his lips in thought.

"How about Sooty?" Asked Kuro.

"Sooty?" You Reapeated.

Kuro nodded and you smiled at him.

"Not bad. How about Moon?" You Asked.

"What about Willow?" Suggested Kuro.

"Gremlin?" You Suggested.

"Phantom?" Suggested Kuro.

"Binx!" You Suggested.

Both you and Kuro looked at each other.

"That, actually sounds like a good name" Remarked Kuro and you both smiled.

The kitten jumped up onto your lap, purring away. Happy he had a family to care for him.

"Welcome to the family Binx" You Said softly, petting the kitten's head. Binx purred more when Kuro stroked Binx's chin.

"A new member of the Black Cat Pirates" Declared Kuro smiling as you giggled while Binx mewed at you both.

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#spooktober #spooktober 31 days prompts #spooktober prompts #october #october prompts #writing prompts #writing prompt #31 days of halloween #captain kuro #captain kuro x reader #captain kuro one piece #31 days prompts #prompt 12 black cat

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