#ted lasso's father

[antitheticallyargumentative]

Hi! I would very much love to hear the entire long rant about Ted and Jamie’s relationship!

I love you for indulging me.

A little disclaimer that I in no way hate Ted. I love him. He has good intentions. He's just a flawed human with a lot of his own baggage that hinders him from actually being able to objectively see Jamie's situation for what it is. And that leads to him offering shit advice. He seriously fucked up when it came to Jamie, (in my opinion), even if his heart was in the right place. So here we go.

TW- mentions of mental health issues, canonical suicide, and abuse and trauma

The way I see it, there are several things happening here. 1) Ted sees Jamie as a surrogate son-figure, because he misses his own son and Jamie is a little bit wayward and lacking his own father-figure, and that activates Ted's savior-complex-I-can-fix-him ways. 2) Ted sees Jamie as a little part of himself- his own inner child. The sixteen year old boy who brutally lost his own dad and never worked through the grief. 3) Jamie sees Ted, at least a bit, as a form of father figure, in the way that he both wants his approval and is innately distrustful of him. (Mind games.)

The problem then lies in the fact that Jamie is not truly either of these things that Ted sees him as, and Ted cannot be a healthy male figure for Jamie because he has too much of his own shit to work through, first. And Jamie also has his own.

I think that, at his core, Jamie wants to be a good person. His time at Richmond has seen him growing into one, and in his head I think he at least partially equates that to Ted's influence. So he wants to stay in Ted's good graces, because like he's said he never got a lot of support from older male figures, and that's clearly something he craves. He wants Ted's approval, but there's also the fact that Ted has left him during confrontations with his dad twice, and in Jamie's eyes, sent him away to Manchester City right after he started trying. Need for approval paired with feeling like he's walking a very fragile line and can't quite trust anything about his relationship with Ted to stay safe.

Ted holds onto a desperate need to fix things. When you see someone hurt themselves, or lose them to mental illness, it's traumatic. It makes you wonder if you could have, should have, done more. Seen it coming. If you could have stopped it. Ted said to Dr. Sharon that “I wasn’t ever gonna let anyone get by me without understanding that they might be hurting inside.” So now he walks through life trying to make sure everybody stays OK, except for himself. And you can't do that. It's not healthy. So when he sees Jamie, this twenty-something-year-old kid with a fucked up relationship with his dad, Ted can't see it clearly. He's so caught up in his own father-related trauma that he projects that onto Jamie. He gives Jamie the advice that he means for himself. Ted needs to forgive his father, so that he can process the grief and the trauma and move forward. Ted needs to give that to himself. But that is incredibly dangerous advice to give someone who's father is clearly shown to be emotionally and physically abusive.

Ted and Jamie both have a lot of father-related trauma. But their situations are not at all applicable to each other, it's just that Ted can't see that because he hasn't worked through any of his own issues. Which leads to complicated relationships and shitty, dangerous advice. There we go.

Woo! That was long.

[theshamblewithsybles]

YOU think they have a beautiful bromance I think they are approximately .5 seconds away from fucking raw on national television. We are not the same.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

1x3 | 3x10

[scratchybeardsweetmouth]

“Mom, this is my boss, Rebecca Welton. Rebecca, this is Dottie Lasso.” | Ted Lasso 3x11

[pineappical]

would calling this something like "the sun to his earth" be a little bit too cliche? maybe...

[coachbeards]

TED LASSO (2020-2023) ↳ 2x09 | 2x12

[ridingtedlassosjetskimustache]

Also we’re not gonna talk about Jamie’s little “Ted Lassoism” so to speak when he said “Bingo, el Ringo” after reminding the boys it’s “just poo-peh” cause that shit had me smiling so much

[apothecrowley]

i am soooooo normal about this funky (and fruity) old man

[brilarsn]

ted taking jamie’s “i’d tell him fuck you. and thank you.” and using it on his mom

[historicalfictionenthusiast]

If you’re having a bad day I highly recommend picturing Roy Kent kicking the living shit out of James Tartt Sr

[eileennatural]

it's literally so fucked up that s1 jamie attributes his love of football and his career to his mom and how much they love each other and then for some reason in the second to last episode they pivot hard to "jamie's anger at his father is what motivated him to be good at football" no it WASNT it was about LOVE it was ALWAYS LOVE

[lunar-years]

So I know people have talked about how Roy's anger and ways of dealing with that anger might trigger some stuff with Jamie given his history with abuse which is so very true, BUT I also think there's something worth exploring in the idea that the way Jamie deals with his father and processes his abuse might trigger Roy. We don't know exactly what happened with Roy's sister and her husband and Phoebe, but we certainly know how angry Roy is about it in canon. And I also think it's not an unfair assumption to think Roy carries around quite a lot of guilt over that too, guilt that he didn't see it sooner and guilt because he thinks he maybe wasn't there for his sister enough, or in the right ways, when it mattered. Guilt that he didn't help her get out of the situation sooner, even though much of that is wrapped up in the way abuse victims often conceal what they're going through from the people who care about them. Undoubtedly there were probably things his sister was keeping from him about the situation when it was happening, but knowing Roy I can also see him reflecting back and placing the blame entirely on himself for not being involved enough in her life to have seen it coming.

So I think like, the idea that Jamie would not only invite his father back into his life but also not tell anyone (not tell Roy) anything about it might genuinely be so triggering for Roy in that sense. It's not only that he's concerned about Jamie's wellbeing (though obviously that always takes priority) it's also that he feels like he's missed something again, something critical, and that a situation he's always feared happening with Phoebe & his sister and her ex is now playing out with this other person he loves. At Wembley he could handle it because it was James intruding where he didn't belong, and Roy had something to do immediately, a place to step in and a role to play. it would be sooooo much harder for him, I think, to comprehend Jamie being the one to reach out to James and blocking Roy out from helping him. Because then it's not only Jamie's wellbeing that scares him but also the fact that he feels completely helpless to do a anything about it, like there's no purpose for him and no way to make the situation any better or easier. ahhhhh.

[itsclydebitches]

[thewanderingace]

Ted Lasso 3x11

[scratchybeardsweetmouth]

Sweet-talk | Ted Lasso 3x02

[pineappical]

father and son