#technically i wasnt doing it anymore but i am always down to talk about my ocs

[youve-doomed-us-all-jerk]

and finished it ,got dat true ending yes def had a great time on the game 8/10 (but yeah performance def docked some points as well as some writing threads that felt kinda dropped, but am trying to in good faith piece it together in me mind so just gonna ramble spoilers under the cut:

when people said this is what they wanted the original DD to be i can see that but like i feel like the lead up to the game kept hearing people who know more about the originals history talk about how "40-60% of the original vision was cut down" from dd1 and i feel like my brain unfortunately interpreted that as "oh cool so were gonna have 100 new vocations like the monk and 100 monsters and the parallel worlds(technically true☝🏽🤓) and the moon stuff, neat" thats on me lmao but yeah removing those expectations and seeing it for what it is, its def the spirit of the the first game but its systems deeper and more fleshed out not good at all the techny terms but im not very into or good at action games but this one made me want to be cuz the combat was fun haha hmm writing wise there was a point where i felt like everything just suddenly got dropped once the godbane stuff started happening and youre suddenly barreling to the ending while everything else just wasnt important anymore lmao, but trying to interpret the story as a story the pathfinder is weaving, i think its meant to feel like that cuz we see the pathfinder essentially write us out of problems, give us a griffin to escape slavery, gives us a clue to where were supposed to go and the big one he like straight up changes ambrosius mind about giving us the godsbane when it wouldnt make sense for him too, the old man by harve even alludes to this by saying the real world is much messier when hes telling you about how fake everything is, like the watcher said everyone there is there to play a part in a tale hes laid out and i think he wanted to get to the ending faster. It's definitely another layer they added from the first games cycle, but do wish if that is what theyre going for(and if im not delusional lmao) that they did more like the ambrosius thing just watching as he ass pulls us out of dead ends making us feel what rothais felt when he realized all his feats and hardships didnt matter, also just would have liked more sidequests with fun characters lmao.

Also did enjoy the endings of the 3 major peoples in the unmoored world and felt like their side quests really fleshed them out and led them there to their endings well,mostly, very cool idea to bring it all together like that. elves wanted to stay isolated but they needed outside influence to break tradition, to save their tree and how it all built to them agreeing to seek refuge with the other races rather than die with their way of life. Ironic that disa was half right about sven needing to inherit the throne but ofc she was also half wrong cuz she a tyrant and wants him to have it mainly cuz of blood, but he deserves it cuz his sidequests were about him getting to know the common folk and becoming self assured lmao battahl tbh full disclosure i messed up the queen nadias sidequest to the rose chateau, tried to scare the dick head shopkeeper into giving me the medicine for the beastren and got arrested so idk how that one ends(will find out in NG+ lmao) but based on the ones i did do, it seems like the nations whole thing was about always being in conflict with each other and how the unmoored quests there are about making people put there differences aside and band together, including the arisen teaming with phaesus. Also like the irony of their view on pawns being right at first but by the end of the game they end up being wrong. but yeah do feel like they didnt get into that more, along with what the lambent flame is? (googled that there was lore texts you can find that explain how an earlier emperor is deceiving the people about it and what it really does) they also dont go into the fact vermund was a nation of beastren, started by a beastren and then history was wiped?? and how theres vermundians fear of beastren and human children always look like beastren and yet wilhelmina is a direct contradiction of this?? that seemed like a really juicy plot point but they didnt really do anything with it. and lastly idek where to start with the pawn and arisen ending, found out theres slight differences in the affinity ending (got the high affinity one cuz reds my my gurl i always revive run straight to her to revive her🤗) but watching them talk about how happy they are to have their own will while saying theyd still do anything for you filled me with something, dont even know what but was crazy.

oh also before i forget another way its in the spirit of the first game for me is just like in the original i also forgot to talk to the person i was romancing and giving them flowers before the endings and got diff people appearing there just like my first playthru of the dd1 lmfao( got manela with grigori and sara in the true ending, was going for ulrika this playthru lmfao) def gonna NG+, maybe do a magic archer and get the stuff i missed and try and get the other endings. Also hoping for another expansion/dlc like they did with dd1 down the line with more vocations and monsters.

[ask-republicofcroatia]

[build] if you still do the features thing

[Build] 

  Her build changed a throughout history depending on the time period, the amount of money the country had and her general position (as in just a peasant working in the fields or a military rank). Currently she is mainly fit as she is trying to kind of better herself from her lows she was in but she is very lenient on things like diets and working out and will miss them if she doesn't feel like doing them. Mainly though she is healthy. She is pretty tall but she looks shorter because most of her family is men who are also tall and therefore taller than her, her height is somewhere around 172-174cm. In terms of body type she is a classic hourglass (her shoulders and hips are around the same size and a kind of small waist) and because of her height her legs look very long making her look very model-like. I don't know if this is necessarily build but I picture her as someone whos weight pools around her hips and thighs when she gains some. Tamaras build appears very healthy and lively on first impression and it generally is its also kind of inspired by the fact that even though Croatia is quite an old country and her "prime" time is over her human age is in her late 20s which is physically still a time most people are at their top. Also the history of being a military country which forced her to generally be constantly ready to go into battle and be physically strong affected her in a way to want to always be physically ready to fight. Though nowadays she’d consider herself more civil than to immediately go into fight mode which is a reason to her leniency to being super strict on her diet and working out. I do think she sort of haves abs though and a little bit of muscle on her thighs and arms but also not really that much as its more popular to look fit rather than muscular but also strong and not frail if you get me  

[midnightbot-archive]

~☽ 𝕸𝖎𝖉𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝕭𝖔𝖙 ☾~

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be Jeong Yunho, Hwang Hyunjin, Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji, or Lee Jeno of KQ, JYP, SM or Happyface ent. Nor does this represent them, this is pure fiction and for entertainment purposes

This bot will also contain themes of possible violence and heavy NSFW themes, if underage please dni with NSFW posts.

meet all 5 dark creatures of the night ~ :

𝙔𝙪𝙣𝙝𝙤 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 Teaser

- Demon

- [ my world demon info ] summary:

Yunho is a demon who fulfils contracts people summon him for. They are usually tasks and he does them in return whoever summoned him must do something for him in order to complete that contract. contracts are whatever you make them they can simple. He can be busy doing this. there's also consequences for both parties if contracts are incomplete.

He can smell certain emotions, and well he can appear, he can't teleport though unless he is summoned, or bonded to you. [ more info ]

- Brother to siyeon [ background ]

- huge flirt. and takes alot to settle down and commit, but when he sees something he likes, he will go after it.

- decently friendly

- possessive and protective.

- seriously, dont touch the people he cares about he will rain literal hell fire.

- though he doesnt like to admit or show it sometimes, is very caring especially about the people he loves

- bisexual, NSFW , hard dom, can be soft, dont try and get him to sub.

𝙎𝙞𝙮𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 🐺💗 Teaser

- Alpha wolf of her own pack [ background ]

- [ wolf / ABO info ]

- Sister to Yunho ( not blood related but might aswell be) [ background]

- she is friendly with many witch covens throughout town and often works with them if they ever need help

- the peacekeeper of them all

- can be intimidating but is overall friendly

- plays the guitar

- a great friend to party with, she used to work at a club hello? / she owns the club now.

- a great listener, will always be there for you

- protective

- confident

- bisexual NSFW dom, hard/soft will only ever sub for someone who she deems fit. don't force her

𝙃𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙟𝙞𝙣 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 Teaser

- vampire

- been friends with yunho for the longest, then jeno. he was pulled out of hell by yunho and siyeon.

- [ my world vampire info ]

his powers include: compulsion, speed, hearing, healing. [ more about it on vampires info above] he can also technically mind read aswell he needs to be holding your head in his hands.

- can be moody, detached

- he has no family blood related left

- hard to open up.

- will be a reliable friend, but always sarcastic

- he controls his hunger very well and doesnt enjoy to kill people, as supprising as it is, he wont do it unprovoked

- bisexual NSFW heavy dom lean, will only sub for certain people possibly.

𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙟𝙞 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 Teaser

- vampire

- long time friends with siyeon, naturally is very close to all of the rest of the boys too now.

- [ my vampire world info ]

- her powers include: compulsion, speed, hearing, healing. [ more about it on vampires info above] she can also technically mind read aswell he needs to be holding your head in her hands, but since shes new she has not learned how to do this yet. As well as compulsion shes also not as good at doing it yet.

- more bubbly and friendly

- loves to play the piano and sing

- timid but trys not to show it. this is because of the sort of trauma when she was turned.

- she spends alot of time with hyunjin he helps her keep things under control, if u hurt her you will have him hunting you down

- she still works at the club her and siyeon met at, only part time now because of being a vampire and supernatural business. Siyeon owns the club now.

- bisexual NSFW switch, sub lean, , obeident , and hard/soft dom depending on partner.

𝙅𝙚𝙣𝙤 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 Teaser

- demon / wolf | omega

- [ my world demon info ] [ wolf / ABO info ]

- met yunho back in hell, years ago. hes the only one whos stayed through his change, everyone else hates him for his power

- he is a powerfully demon, when he was turned to a werewolf he was also imbued with multiple sins, being lust, envy and wrath.

- witch coven created jeno, but they arent around anymore so theres no way to take away his werewolf side.

- plays the guitar and sings but he doesnt like to share it often.

- romantic when you get to see that side of him

- probably dont call him puppy, he would probably only let someone really special do so.

- do NOT tease him in regards just about the fact hes a hybrid. hes spent years being tormented for being different and an " abomination " feeling like he simply shouldn't exist. he wasnt born this way and it also wasnt his choice. even if you are trying to strike a nerve, this is off topic from harmless fighting please refrain unless u want actual bad conflict.

- bisexual, NSFW switch, slight dom lean, can be bratty but mostly obeident sub

𝕴𝖒𝖕𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖔 / 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉!

𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨

𝐕𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨

𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 ( 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 )

activation:

this chatbot is open to CBS and OCS through dms, y/ns are welcome through asks for now! you can always choose a sign off aswell if you would like to anon for someone!

- RB send your, name, preferred pronouns, real age, and who you would like to talk too

- click the more info for admin info, ect. but briefly:

admin is 18+ and will not NSFW RP with anyone under 18 please be honest about your age! my pronouns are she/her and i am in the EST time zone. i run a couple other bots of and have somewhat of a life so i will try best to reply please be patient!

tags: @/yanlee ( OG! ) @mono-minji @dmonchan @babie-sanie @song-mingi-cb @moonlightchn @bloodlustbots @thewitcherhhj @mafia-bots @skz-cb @vampiremomo @thewolfpack-cb @cb-museclub @vamp-minho @killerbots @dragon-cb @demon-nct @fullmoonpack-bot @hybrid-ateez-straykids-nct @obsession-bot @mafiaxnct127 @yanderetzuyuu @dem-oneus @kang-seongshim-oc @ares-bc @mono-rowoon @uridealbf-cb @uridealgf-cb @daddy-cb @subby-superm @slasherbot @got7sinsbot @betrayerjongup @dd-dawwn @jinju-oc @hernameisangel-oc @wolfyjulia @kittyhhj @temptationcb @originalscb @moongoddesselene @e-bots @botville @oc-traphouse @divinity-ocs @sirenscb @forsakenwolves @teatimeonthemoon @supernatural-lix [ dm to be +/-]

[yggdrasil-mith0s]

Wtf wtf. I have to rant so please ignore this. Truly it's just a rant and way for me to vent right now and just talk to the void. I actually dont want anyone to read this cause it's me crying and venting. I dont want to annoy anyone or worry anyone so just scroll past. I'll probably delete it soon.

My roommate is fucked up, I think. He woke me up, threatening to kick me out saying I owe him 250 in rent. He said I didnt pay the second half of it. Which we talked about it a while ago and he said I was okay. That we were squared away cause I paid an extra 250 in October when there was 3 pay periods in the month. I told him I was short and my check was shit and brought up October. He said it was okay and I still paid him 100 but now he is saying I still owe him 250. I'm so close to moving out but i cant until i get my car but i might be kicked out anyways? Idk what to do. Why does bad shit keep happening. My anxiety cant take anymore, I am about to break. Im gonna have another panic attack here soon. I know it. I cant. I cant do this anymore. Im tired of my life. Im tired of living in this shit. Please someone get me out of this hell hole. Someone get me a job doing whatever anywhere else and I will be so grateful. I will work my ass off. I need help. I need to get away from this area. I was happy when I got to NC because I wasnt around all these bullshit people and liars. Now I'm stuck back in this town and I just want to get away. I want a job that pays well. Or a job that's hard working but gives me a place to stay. I'm not religious, though I grew up going to church, but I've been rocking back and forth praying to god a miracle happens or something changes. Idk if god even exist or even so if he would listen to me. I dont deserve this. I know I dont. I've been clean for over 2 years trying my hardest. I made all my amends. I've been giving and giving. I help so many people even if it's small stuff like picking up a few bucks that someone was short on for food at work. Or giving them free food/desert just cause they are kind. I always hold doors open, I gave people rides even when I couldn't afford gas. I dont have a car anymore but I would do the same now. It's going to cost me 300 total to get my car back now. Some as a down payment, gas to it, and gas otw back cause I owe 500+technically to the tow place. But I cant afford that. I had some but had to use it for food. I wish I would've worked while I had the flu but I knew I would get other people sick so I didnt. I was out 10 days and only had 2 short days on the pay period. I've racked up decent hours for this pay period cause my boss gave me 2 doubles to help make up but it doesn't help when I get paid the friday after next. I'm so so so screwed now and I'm panicking and dont know what to do. I've asked for too much help and I dont want to ask, I'd rather give up. Thatd the best thing for me to do instead of annoy people. I'm sure people are sick of me. I'm sick of me at this point tbh. I tbh. I give up. I'm done. I cant do this anymore. I'm sorry but I can't. I love you all so much and appreciate everything. I'm sorry I'm a failure, though. I'm sorry I never amounted to anything more. I'm so sorry that I have no strength left to fight. I know the stupid little kind things and gestures I do doesn't mean the world or anyone else owes me anything at all. I know that's not how things work. No one owes me shit but c'mon God/karma/whatever. Please give me a break. I cant fight and keep going like this anymore. I'm begging and pleading for a break right now.

[mister-lady]

Heyoo!! Here's the fic I was talking about! It is mostly a fair amount of angst, nothing crazy, its mainly just me venting to Janus vkvkjrfj. Usual apologies for the ugly spacing, I'm too lazy to fix it all but it happens whenever i copy and paste the fic for whatever reason.

HEY. IF YOURE READING THIS IT WASNT DIRECTED AT YOU. I REAPEAT, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I ASSURE YOU IT WASN'T DIRECTED AT YOU.

Ship: stolen hats and gloves (Janus)

Warnings: hint at s*lf h*rm in one sentence near the end.

Here :)

------------------------------------

Matt had been in his room alone for a rather long amount of time now. He would come out and eat a little bit or to go to the bathroom and other nessecairy human needs but other than that he was all bottled up in his room. His roommates wanted to give him some time to himself incase he needed it but they started to realize that time didn't seem to be helping. Janus had volunteered to go and check on him and make sure everything was okay. However, Janus couldn't help but feel oddly hesitant to doing so.

Matt groggily lifted his head up as he heard the sound of knocking on his door. "Go away." He said loud enough for the person on the other end to here.

"I think we need to talk." Matt quickly recognized the voice as Janus's.

Matt was about to argue and tell him to leave, but he knew that that wasn't going to work. He groaned and got up and opened the door to let Janus in.

Janus let himself in and sat down at the edge of Matt's bed. Matt walked over and layed on his bed next to Janus.

"What do you want?" Matt mumbled, sounding more upset than he had intended.

"You've been up here for almost three whole days Matt, we're getting worried about you."

"I don't see why. It's not like three days is a lot. Plenty of people go away for three days."

"Matthew we care about you. We were worried when you didn't even come out at all on the first day."

"I don't see why you're worried. No on else worries. I've had times where I left for almost a week and you know who cared? No one. No one asked what happened. They said hi when I came back then acted like I never even left. So why do you care so much?" Matt spoke rather harshly. He didn't mean to vent out all his feelings onto Janus, but he couldn't help it as it all spilled out.

"Well perhaps they didn't think anything bad happened. Did something bad happen?" Janus understood Matt's pain, but he wanted to get a proper view of both sides.

"No, but it was a fucking week. Sure nothing bad happened but if one of my friends left for a week I'd shit myself." Matt's voice cracked as he tried to choke back potential tears.

Janus was taken aback, surprised to hear Matt cursing. He gently placed a hand on Matt's leg. "I'm sorry those people didn't seem to care. If you were gone for a week I assure you I would certianly be worried for you."

Matt rolled over and buried his head into his pillow. Janus reached over and carefully rubbed his back. Matt didn't expect the sudden comforting contact to make him start to cry, but it did. Janus carefully picked him up and pulled him into a hug, causing him to burst into tears. Janus gently murmured words of comfort to him.

"I dont get it." Matt spoke, his voice shaky from crying. "Why do you care so much? I hate my feelings so badly and you dont seem to mind them at all, if anything you seem to know when the slightest thing puts me off and I dont know how you put up with me"

"I put up with you because I love you. And no offence, you're not too good at hiding when you're upset. I like helping you feel better and you're feelings are never an issue to me."

Matt's grip tightened as he wrapped his arms around Janus. He was an absolute mess and he hated it.

"How come you don't just ignore me like everyone else?" Matt asked shakily.

"Ignore you?" Janus sounded a little surprised at the statement, not expecting Matt to say that he gets ignored.

"Well, technically yes. You're one of the only people that actually tries to talk to me. Everyone in my past has just used me for 'I love you's  and always asked me for comfort and that was it. Theres few rare people that actually talk with me and care about how I'm feeling. And then whenever I do try and start a conversation with someone they always conveniently leave or go and talk with someone else or hell, they dont even pretend to go offline and just ignore me straight up. I can barely tell if they do it on purpose or if they're to stupid to tell." Matt didn't mean the insult at the end but as he lashed out from anger and sadness it spilled out with it too. He couldn't help but feel as if a weight was being lifted off his chest as he spoke. After a slight pause he added, "I'm not even sure if they love me anymore or if they're too kind to hurt my feelings." Matt didn't realize until he finished speaking that Janus had started rubbing his back again and had planted a few kisses on his cheek and neck.

There was a small pause of silence, but thankfully not a bad silence; a rather soothing and comforting one instead.

"Matt," Janus started, "I'm so sorry you have to be treated in such harsh ways. Whether they do it on purpose or not you still shouldn't have to endure such a feeling. I know you've talked about feeling being ignored and I'm sorry you have to feel that way and I promise you I would never ignore you. And you shouldn't have to be someone's comfort toy. You deserve to feel as loved and be told your as loved as much as they are. You know, it's probably best if you tell them this."

"I know… I've been wanting to for a while but I don't want to hurt they're feelings and I'm afraid about sounding like a major douche."

"So it's okay if you're feelings are hurt in the long run but not if theres are for a bit so everything can be worked out?" Janus quickly, but kindly countered.

Matt couldn't help but crack a small smile. He had a fair point there. "But what if they don't mean to upset me?"

"Accidents happen and you still need to communicate it. Communication is what relationships are based around and without it, well, people can get badly hurt." 

Matt knew Janus was right but he couldn't help but feel a little bad about it. He gave it a thoughtful pause before agreeing. "I suppose I should try telling them"

Janus gave an encouraging smile and kissed Matt on the forehead. "Good."

Matt smiled and buried his face into his chest. "Thank you." He muttered.

"Of course. Now, is there anything else bothering you?"

"I mean… there is but you already helped me so much I don't want to bug you anymore."

"Matt I wouldn't ask if anything else was bothering you if I didn't want to hear it. Do you think I would've come to help you if I didn't want to?"

"Maybe you're just really nice.."

"I don't think even a really nice person would do something like that. It takes a person that cares, and you know I care so much about you."

Matt let out a content sigh at the reassurance and rubbed his hands up and down Janus's arms. "I love you"

"I love you too. Now, what is it that's bothering you?"

"Well… it's just.. I told some of my friends certain ways that I use to cope so they don't freak out or get upset if I start acting weird or differently and.. they were fine with it and I was glad and they still treat me the same when I do it but.. I use it to cope and I only need to use my coping mechanisms if I'm upset or mad over something and depending on what I'm using to cope depends on how bad it is and I understand if they aren't in a good enough mental state to also deal with my problems as well as theirs but they have never asked what was wrong whenever I use it" Matt only then realized how much he had talked again and even after the relief that came with spilling out his bottled up feelings he still whispered out a "sorry".

"First of all, you don't need to be sorry at all. Second of all like you said they might have their own things going on and can't really hold the weight of others problems, but I understand what you're getting at. Normally if someone is upset you would ask if they're okay and I'm sorry that they don't seem to do the same to you. You deserve to be cared about and worried over and you deserve to be asked if you're okay-" Janus had been cut off of what he was saying as Matt interrupted him to spill out more thoughts.

"Speaking of that, people only ever care about me when I'm sad! They only say they love me if I'm not okay and they only say I'm cool or special or I shouldn't hurt myself when I'm sad and it's stupid. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it so much but when I'm not sad they don't care about me at all! I mean nothing to them unless I'm balling my eyes out." Matt's voice had more anger in it this time, but there was still a deep look of sadness on his face.

Janus couldn't help but give him a sympathetic look. "Yes, I agree that does sound rather strange, though I'm sure they still care about you even if they don't express it"

"I hope so" Matt muttered.

"I will always care and worry about you Matthew and I love you more than I can ever say. I really am sorry you seem to have some rather troubling sounding friends and if you ever need to talk I'm here. Promise me something will you?"

Matt looked up at Janus for the first time during their whole talk , "I can try."

"Promise me if you're ever upset you won't bottle it up and you'll come and let me know? You know that you mean the world to me and I worry over you when you're not in my arms so you can only guess how I got when you locked yourself up here."

Matt frowned a bit and felt his eyes water up st the words that came out of his mouth. Janus had such a deep and sad and caring expression that Matt couldn't help but feel touched. "Okay, I promise." Matt said.

Janus gave him a tight comforting squeeze and covered him in kisses, causing Matt to giggle and smile.

"Thank you for everything you've ever done." Matt said, with for once, a hint of joy in his voice and a smile plastered on his face.

"Anything for you, love."

Matt blushed a bit at the nickname and placed a gentle kiss on Janus's forehead. "I'm going to get you back one of these days"

"If you say so~"

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

Do Faeries exist? Part 2

7:15 am

'I don't want to get up today.'

"Marinette! Wake up, you're going to be late for school!"

Marinette grumbled as she squinted at her alarm clock. What was the use of living across the school, where her parents could see her classmates walking by, if they still woke her up late because they forgot she also went to school?

She only had half an hour to get ready and reach her homeroom (Bustier, again), but knowing her parents, theyd want to give her a "pep talk" that only repeated the same words every year and wasnt the least bit encouraging. It would also make her about one or two minutes late, but that was actually a bit of a blessing.

Marinette chose the same style of outfit that was branded with her signature pink flowers. Pink, white, and black. Her favorite combination of colors. She wore a pair of pink capris pants with a white shirt that had a diagonal flower pattern across her chest covered by a black overshirt, sleeves rolled up to her elbows to draw attention to the pink and white polka-dotted inner lining that tied together well with her pink and white flats. Looking at the clock, she barely managed to get her hair into twin tails before rushing downstairs for a quick breakfast.

She followed the same script they spoke every year, and zoned her mother out as, yet again, her nerves kicked in to create a mess of her breakfast. Her parents called her clumsy, but Marinette knew she had anxiety and stress. And it always kicked in at the worst of times and made her nerves act up, causing her hands or knees to shake, her limbs to flail in panic at nothing, and her mind to struggle to make coherent sentences. Chloe wasnt the only direct reason Marinette arrived from school most days with fresh bruises. Her mind was just always busy, whether by coming up with exaggerated worst-case scenarios or trying to go over every little thing she had done that day or trying to remind her of every little thing she had yet to do. It was exhausting.

She snapped to attention as her mother took away the chocolate powder container from her hands, and sighed dejectedly as she grabbed an apple from the knocked-over bowl of fruit. With a simple "Goodbye" and "I love you", Marinette headed down into the bakery to greet her father. He almost bumped into her, but set her upright and gave her a box of macarons "for her friends in class" before giving her a kiss on the cheek and sending her on her way. He walked back into the depths of the bakery before she could say goodbye.

'I dont even have any friends to share this with. Plus, I doubt theyd survive with Chloe around. With my luck, theres no way Chloe isnt in my class.'

She walked out the door and stood at the corner light. Her eyes were focused on the school doors, where she could already see Chloe sauntering in with her lackey, Sabrina, scurrying behind her. The light was still red, but her eyes focused as she noticed movement on the road ahead of her. An old man was crossing the street while the light was red.

There was a red car speeding into the lane. Her eyes darted from the car, to the man, and back. Her mind was racing, obviously seeing what might happen if the old man didnt finish crossing in the next three...

Her feet moved....

Two...

Her hands grabbed the man....

One...

She launched herself backwards, pulling the old man with her. Her heart was racing in her chest, and her mind was just focused on the car speeding past where they had been less than a second ago. What the hell had she just done?

She looked around her, her mind in hyperfocus. The light turned green, and people walked across without a care. They didnt bother to help her or the old man up. It seemed they hadnt noticed what had happened, what she had done.

She turned to the old man, who was struggling to get up. Absentmindedly, she helped him up, gathering her macarons in the process. The box was crushed, and some had fallen out, but the old man was safe. He looked up to thank her, but her mind became distracted by another sound.

The school bell. She had to hurry. She turned to the old man and rushed to say, "I hope you're okay, I have to get going, I'm late. Watch out for cars next time!" Darting across the crosswalk, Marinette missed the look the old man gave her, her mind racing with thoughts.

'That man could have died.'

'I could have died.'

'Why did I do that?'

'I need to be more careful.'

'I'm late, what will Bustier say?'

'Chloe's probably going to make fun and see the crushed macarons.'

'Why didnt I throw them away? I know nobody is going to take them, especially not now!'

She raced up the stairs and into Bustier's classroom, her feet catching on the doorstep as she saw Chloe in what was, technically, her spot for the last three years, and making her faceplant onto the floor. She mentally groaned as that high pitched laugh rang out from her seat.

She looked over at Bustier, but she had turned around to write on the board, her tense shoulders being the only clue that she knew what Chloe was doing. 'Typical.'

She took a deep breath and pushed herself up. She gathered whatever courage she had and headed in Chloe's direction. She was going to end this today. This wasnt going to be like the other years-

"What do you want, Dupain-Cheng?"

-If only her anxiety could let her actually do something. Still, she tried to push past it.

"That's my seat, Chloe."

"Not anymore, it isnt. You see, my Adrikins is coming to school today for the first time ever and I NEED to sit close to him! And he is way more handsome and important than you will ever be!"

"That has been my seat for the past three years, Chloe!"

"So what? It's not my fault that after three years you still havent put your name on it. Because I certainly dont see it. Why dont you sit over there with the new loser and stop trying to raise yourself to my level because you're never going to get there."

Anger. Frustration. Embarrassment. She could feel everybody else looking away from her, while simultaneously looking at her. Why couldnt she saying anything? Why couldnt she react the way she knew she could? Why was she actually walking down those stairs to her, ugh, new seat? Why was it always the same thing every year?

"Hey, dont listen to her. Girls like her never get anywhere in life on their own. Sooner or later, someone good will defeat the evil within her."

Marinette stared into chocolate brown eyes. Who was this girl? "Evilness within her?"

"Yeah, like how a superhero always defeats the supervillain. Bullies like her always get brought down eventually." The girl smiled, hope shining in the darkness of her eyes.

Marinette, despite dreading the fact that this girl was up for a terrible year, couldnt help but smile. There was just something about this girl that gave a person confidence, but Marinette knew it wouldnt last. Soon, she, too, would falter to Chloe's ways and ignore Marinette to avoid being a target.

Bustier turned around and began the class, ignoring Chloe's protests because her "precious Adrikins" hadnt arrived yet. Of course, this only caused Chloe to huff and glower through the entire morning. Marinette was distracted by the girl beside her.

"Hey, are those macarons?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. They got a bit crushed this morning, tho, so they dont look like much."

"Are you kidding? I bet they taste fantastic! Can I have one?"

Marinette had her doubts. She didnt want to encourage this girl, especially since it only meant heartbreak for Marinette in the end, but she supposed it wouldnt hurt for today.

"Yeah, sure. I'm Marinette."

"Alya."

Yeah, it probably wouldnt hurt to enjoy this while it lasted.

---------------------------

So, part 2 is done! I am drawing this out as much as I can, but I think it's coming about nicely. If anybody wants to be tagged, just ask and I will tag you!

Here is the tag list so far:

@ozmav @ginamariepotterhead @maddrag

Hope you guys like it!

Edit, because I forgot to put the tags for this.

[laurarants]

I think im a toxic bitch and im trying to work on it but how??? I broke up with my bf beacuse i thought he deserved more than me. We started dating 2 and a half years ago. And i feel like since then he was has grown waaayyy out of my league. I know i shouldnt be shallow and care so much for looks. But looks wise, he is waaay out pf my league now. I feel like i got chubbier and just overall boring. I was scared (still am honestly) that he would realize this and leave me. And i think i wasnt brave enough to just communicate that with him. And now here i am. Alone. Also i dont know why i was always so scared to be my complete self with him. I dont think i ever let myself dive completely into the relationship without coming up for air so often. I should have just trusted that if we work, we work. Maybe im just remembering only the good parts. Because when i come to think of it, there was no major bad part other than my own thoughts. I didnt think we had much in common anymore. But we had become long distance. And i have very recently discover that i am awful at online communication. So now im wondering if we did have stuff in common, and it was all in person stuff. When we talked and were together things just clicked.

I guess i also have to consider what 3 more years of long distance was going to mean. I think i am toxic because i think i only want him back so i can feel good again. But i dont want to do that to him. Thats such a bitch move. So i wont. But i promised him that i would wait and we would talk when he came back home. That was supposed to have already happened, and now we dont know when he will come back. It could be many more months. But, i think im going to keep waiting. I still havent told my family. Not that they are in a lot of contact with him, but my mom likes him and i dont want her to not like him. Everything that happemed is my fault.

Also i think im bi. I feel like i tried to repress that for a while while we were together. I had a bf once when i was freshman, very short lived relationship. Bit, he just happened to be trans and my sister wouldn't stop referring to him as my "girlfriend". I just didnt want to be. But shes long since moved out. And since i am technically single, i dont feel guilty about being attracted to other people. I do feel guilty about liking boys, because i still feel connected to my ex. But girls? And like. Just not boys in general? Hell yea. Ally Beardsly was my second sexual awakening haha. Theyre so hot.

I feel guity because the relationship i had was wonderful and full of love. He never didnt tell me that he loved me. He never said something to put me down. My mind just put words in his mouth that i thought i deserved.

Im pretty sure my problem is that i need to work on some self love. I wonder if i had been more confident in myself if i couldve held onto him.

I also wonder, if he even wants me back. This is the 2nd time i have done this. All emotion. I am really stubborn when i get emotional. Hes so far away and i felt like we were drifting apart. And im so stupid for thinking that it meant that we didnt love eachother anymore. Becaue i had told myself. Love takes work. Everyday i had to choose to love him. Not like its a chore. But i had to remeber that it is the circumstances, not us. Because everytime he came back to visit fpr a few days he turned my world into dreams and stars. He made all the impossible real. He put the pep in my step. And i miss that.

So i think im going to wait. And maybe just check out ally beardsley while i do.

[angrylizardjacket]

time’s arrow {Roger Taylor}

Anon asked: Hi, I love your roger/ben imagines so much and was wondering if you could do some angst with Roger x female, maybe they are good friends and she sees him with another. Whatever you would like! Thank you x :)

A/N: 2727 words. A story told through Seasons. I took a little bit of liberties with the prompt, if that’s okay? This hit me like a lightning bolt and I had to write it. Angst with a happy ending. (I’m just trying to show I’ve got versatility in writing, okay?)

Warnings: Implied sex.

You meet him in Spring, before it all begins, he sits up the back of your Intro to Head and Neck Anatomy lectures, the only class with open spots available by the time you were looking for a science credit. You find out he’s in a band three weeks into the first class, finally going to the local bar, sick of cramming your brain full of information you’re not even sure is necessary for your degree. He grins at you and wow okay, you didn’t even think he’d recognise you.

“You’re in, um,” he’s leaning against the bar next to you in this dimly lit pub, grabbing a drink between sets. Faltering for a moment, his eyes travel down before you clear your throat, angry at yourself for blushing, but his smile widens, “my class.” He finishes, taking a sip of his beer. You agree, rolling your eyes at him, but even that seems to amuse him. He asks your name. The guitarist is calling him over, setting up for the next set, but you tell him before he leaves. Something tightens in your chest when, later that night, he catches your eyes mid-song, his look of intense focus shifting for a moment as he grins, giving you a wink.

He takes to sitting next to you in lectures, chewing the end of his pencil and taking occasional notes in a falling apart notebook that looks as though he uses it for every class. You catch lyrics in the margins and at the bottom of some pages, but he’s cagey about that in a strange way, just says you’ll have to come to a gig to find out what they’re about. So you do.

Gigs become a regular for you, and you start to become friends with the girls who frequent the shows, often hosting predrinks in your dorm room for Mary and her friends on a Friday night. You learn on one of those nights that at least two of the girls have hooked up with him, and there’s a strange, sinking sensation in your chest. You’re not sad, or at least, you tell yourself you shouldn’t be. You and Roger are just friends, it’s not like there’s anything going on there, sure, sometimes after a really good show he’ll give you a pash, but it’s- that’s just him. 

It’s not like you’ve never thought about it, but you also know his reputation, and that it’ll do more harm than good to get involved with that. He’s the one mistake you don’t think you want to make.

It’s Summer, a few years later, when they trade in the van to get money to hire the recording studio. Roger had really loved that van, and he lay on your sofa for a solid hour grumbling about it, about how Freddie had some kind of nerve. You roll your eyes at him, call him a drama queen, which he takes offence to, but moves obligingly when you sit down, letting him rest his head in your lap.

When you raise the point that it might be worth it, he looks frankly aghast, griping about how he has to catch lifts everywhere now. He calms down somewhat when you start carding your fingers through his hair, though he still pouts.

“If it comes to it, I’ll buy you a car, you baby.” You snort, despite the fact that you’re currently barely making a living wage on some retail job, it’s not where you’d thought you’d be after university, but sometimes that’s just how it is. He looks up at you, and when you look down at him, he’s looking very intense. Perhaps he might say something poignant about your offer, you think, but instead he reaches up and pokes your nose.

“I can see up your nostrils.” He tells you, and you smack his hand away, scowling. You stand abruptly, ignoring his complaints, smoothing your pants out against your thighs.

“Come on,” you offer your hand, which he regards with both confusion and a bit of disdain, “you can’t mope around my apartment and complain about the band again. We’re going out.” That gets his interest.

You’ve been to bars with him before, and usually you go home alone while he gets the pick of the prettiest girls of the night, or he decides to wingman you, which hurts your heart a little, but you won’t decline. You were attractive in your own right, you won’t deny that, you didn’t technically need his help, but a selfish part of you likes the way the attention to you, even if it’s to help you get with other people.

Tonight is different, tonight he doesn’t leave your side, he slings an arm around you as the two of you stand by the bar watching the truly mediocre band they had on that night. 

“You know why they aren’t recording an album?” You ask as the set ends.

“Because they didn’t sell their van?” Roger mused, vaguely bitter, but not melancholy as he swirled the last of his drink in his free hand.

“No, it’s because they’re terrible.” Turning, you smile at your own blunt remark, and when he looks back at you, he’s grinning with a little disbelief. There’s very little space between the two of you, but that doesn’t make your heart race anymore, he’s your best friend, close contact was part of the bargain. But he kissed you, quickly, without warning, and when he pulls back, he turns away to order another drink like nothing had happened.

Your mind is spiralling, this isn’t post-gig excitement, this wasn’t something you were expecting. The selfish creature in your chest that you tried to deny for so long was crowing with victory. Taking a quick look around the bar, you don’t recognise anyone, though there are a few girls who look like they’d be his type- but his hand is moving to wrap around your waist as he turns back.

“What was that?” Voice quiet, you take his drink and have a sip of it yourself, the movement done from muscle memory alone. He raises his eyebrows at you, not regarding the drink, that was a usual occurrence, but at the question. He doesn’t seem to know how to answer, baffled at the question. Dropping you gaze, you take a sip of your own drink. “Why me? Why tonight?” You asked. Looking incredulous, he stepped back, looking you over.

“Have you seen yourself tonight, love? Couldn’t help myself.” You’ve heard him talk like this before, to other girls, not as blunt, but with you he can get away with it. The creature in your chest is elated, and you find yourself smiling, actually blushing. He moves closer once more, his arm around you, voice low as he spoke into your ear. “Trust me, you look very fit tonight, any man would be lucky to have a crack at you.” Heart in your throat, you hope you’re reading the situation right, at the same time ignoring the part of you that knew this was a bad idea.

“Even you?” You turned to face him, watching the way his smile shifted to a smirk, and he pulled you a little closer.

“You know I’m always feeling lucky.” 

You kiss him, feeling your blood thumping in your veins, selfish and excited in equal measure, but with his hands on you, you can’t find the focus to care about the former. 

Once the bad starts up again, Roger pulls away, making a face at them, asking if you wanted to get out of there. You do, and the two of you are elated on the quick walk back to his apartment, stopping only when he pressed you up against the wall of an closed shop to suck a hickey into the skin of your neck. You catch sight of it in his bedroom mirror, but he’s pulling off your jacket and you have better things to worry about.

It’s not weird, like you thought it would be, when you wake the next morning and he’s curled up, fast asleep with his back to you, but your chest aches just a little. He avoids eye contact over breakfast, though you chat like normal. The gripes about his van have died down, though he makes an offhand comment about things are changing that you read enough into to realise what had happened.

“You’ll always have me, Rog.” You reach across the table to take his hand, and he finally looks you in the eye, he looks so relieved, not that he’d ever say it. Afraid of losing another thing he cared about, he had panicked last night and tried to keep you close in the only way he knew how. He certainly loved you, but not in the way you wanted him to. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you give him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. It’s not his fault.

Bohemian Rhapsody airs in Autumn, you’re regional manager now, and you’re sitting in your office when you hear for the first time; you almost scream when the first harmony comes in after the radio host introduces the song.

“You’re a star, Rog!” You gush over the phone on your break, unable to wait until that night when the band was having a celebratory get-together to talk to him.

“Of course, I am, you think I sing that high to be paid in peanuts?” You can hear the smile in his words without even seeing him, and being able to hear his voice warms your heart.

“That was you?” You laugh, the ‘Galileo's playing back in your head, and you try to picture him singing it, which only made you laugh harder.

“Oi,” he bristled, indignant at your laughter, “I’m the only one with the range to execute Freddie’s vision.” You could see him in your mind now, proud and stubborn, standing tall to defend the decision.

“I’m proud of you.” Suddenly sincere, you find your smile turning to something more genuine as you think back on far he’s come.

“Thank you.” His own voice has become less animated, more sincere, though you can still hear him smiling.

“Love you, Rog.” You tell him, just as you always did when you parted ways.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

He’s grinning, draped with casual confidence in an armchair in Freddie’s living room when you arrive, and you feel like you’ve been taken back five years, the casual enthusiasm he’s exerting. Smile brightening, he stands when he sees you, striding across the room to enfold you in a hug.

“Good to see you!” He practically beams at you, holding your shoulders as he looks over you, as if assessing you, seeing if anything has changed.

“Of course, you’ve been holed up for weeks, I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Though he’s in front of you, you’re words address the room as a whole, and when he steps back, Brian moves in to hug you as well, asking how you’ve been.

The boys are your friends, all of them, you’ve been around for most of their big band moments, and it eases something in your chest to be here for this one too. But then the ease sharply tightens as a woman you’ve never seen before sits on the arm of Roger’s chair, and he rests a hand on her thigh, smiling up at her.

Mary follows your gaze, and her smile is sad as she pulls you down to sit beside her, asking you about your thoughts on the single. You answer, though your heart’s not in it, and the selfish creature in your chest rears it’s ugly head after such a long slumber. 

The monster has shifted, changed and grown, it hadn’t cared about him running around with any pretty girl he could find for the past few years, but this was different. Roger had made it clear that he was far from sacred, but this was the band, this was Freddie’s home, this was the place of some of your happiest memories; this was yours. 

You stay well into the early hours of the following morning, despite the interloper, but Roger still stopped you at the door.

“I’m really glad you could make it, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” He’s smiling at you, but you don’t smile back. It’s been a long night of being kind and pretending that you’re heart didn’t hurt.

“Well, you’ve very busy.” You shrug, punctuating it with a yawn. His expression turns confused, and you open the door.

“Y/N.” He tried to get your attention, but you left, throwing a goodbye over your shoulder to him. “Love you.” He calls through the door, but you stay quiet, refuse to say it back, just keep walking. You’re too tired to be upset, but maybe you’ll get there tomorrow.

Things change, and you’ve grown to accept that, but sometimes old aches don’t heal like they should. Or at all.

“I’m getting married.” He calls you at the end of Winter.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” 

Your relationship’s been on the mend in the years since the Bohemian Rhapsody launch night. You two smile and laugh like you had when you were younger, and you’ve learned to listen to his exploits and his gripes about women, offering your own about your partners, though they’re few and far between. He’s still your best friend, and you learn to act like it. 

“Congratulations.” Your voice is flat. It had been a shock, you’d heard about his latest on-again off-again girlfriend, and had even offered advice in certain situations, actual advice, no malice at all.

“Thanks.” He doesn’t seem to know where to go from here, and silence stretches out between the two of you.

“I should go.” You finally murmur.

“What? Why?” He spluttered, and you sighed deeply.

“Was there something else you wanted to talk about?” You asked, closing your eyes and leaning your forehead against the wall.

“I- no, but I want you to be there.” He paused. “And I wanted to be the one to tell you.” Clenching your jaw, you make a snap decision.

“I can’t-”

“Why not?” He actually sounded angry, which was perhaps warranted, though your next words shut him up.

“Because it hurts, Roger.” After a beat, your voice is quiet. “Because I love you.” Taking a breath, you let yourself relax. “I want you to be happy, but I can’t watch you marry someone else.” There’s silence for a very long moment, but you hang up before he can respond. You take the phone off the hook. You need to be alone, just for now.

“After everything, you still-?” It’s the first day of Spring, and he’s on your doorstep, seemingly unable to say the word love. You’re wearing your pyjamas and he looks like he’s just walked out of a Rolling Stone cover shoot, though he just sort of looks like that now, you supposed.

“Don’t worry about it.” You try not to betray how much his visit shocked you, or the way his very presence after your recent conversation hurt you.

“You’re my best friend! Of course I’m gonna worry about it!” He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. Sighing deeply, he stepped forward. “I thought I fucked everything up when we hooked up, I’m sorry, I panicked.” He was looking at his fidgeting hands, rather than your surprised expression. “And then... I thought I fucked it up again when I chose the band over you.”

“You never-” You tried to protest, but he smiled self-deprecatingly.

“No, I did. I loved you, and I thought that would get in the way of the band.” Clenching his jaw, he looked up and you could see the regret in his eyes. “It was easier to fuck around that tell you I love you.” Your breath stopped in your throat as he finally walked closer. “And I thought after everything, that you deserved better; you know what I’m like, why would you-?” But you cut him off with a kiss.

“You’ll always have me.” You murmured, finally letting yourself smile. Nothing about it felt selfish, in fact, it felt as though the sun was finally shining on you, warming you from the inside out.

“I know,” he agreed quietly, wrapping you up in a hug.

[fisherfurbearer]

@wootzel-dragon ive calmed down a little (feel Numb more than anything) and i just think...only thing i can do now is go in on thursday (technically my day off) and talk to a manager or personel and just...explain eveeything to them and that I Dont Feel Comfortable coming in for my normal shift (Friday, 7 am) after what happened and putting up with this for so long (this isn't the first time. This is the fourth time or so now she's made it Clear that she doesn't give a damn about me and is EXTREMELY apathetic to my mental garbage and would rather I just quit) that something's gotta give because I don't feel okay coming to work anymore. It's clear I'm not welcome by our """People Lead""" and no one here seems to give a shit about the ADA (thank god my accomodation is throuh sedgwick, a third party to walmart, but jesus christmas just trying to deal with them is a nightmare) and I'm going to have to quit if things don't change. I don't feel comfortable here and it's not fair that I be treated this way considering how fricking hard I work and how good I am at my job. I can't help that I need to stay home a couple days a month, I can't help that I need a more regular schedule. It's horrific that they care so little about their employees, even though I do a much better job than most folks up front.

After that I have no idea what I'll do. Just scared it'll all go to pieces if they do just tell me to just quit. I don't want to have to do that. It's not fair and I wish I could sue someone but Sam Walmart has A Bajillion Dollars and Big Lawyers on their side so it's just not worth it. Plus i'm a Tired person i dont want to do that.

i just...i dunno. i really dont know. at least i have a slight plan. just sucks really bad. and i was so close to having my first clean month with no issues, haha. so close. i almost made it through today too, would've been on track to being ok, then she just HAD to say what she did, and rub it in, haha.

@eclectus-mom that's real sweet of you, heheh. i hope so too. i really do like my regulars there, i love all the cute babies and seeing them grow up (i dont know why but babies LOVE me?? i just look at them and they get really happy. i love babies so much they always turn a bad day around and i swear some of tjdm recognize me, they see me almost every week and go Bonkers when they do, they're so precious) and i am very Well Spoken in person and have a way of communicating with folks that tends to calm people down and fix Issues. not a lot of people can do that as good as i can, and management REALLY has NO IDEA what theyre missing if i wasnt there. all in all i have Opinions about pay and respect and how things work but i really do enjoy what i do to some degree and either way its not fair that i have to be This afraid to even go back...its not ok...

[go-diane-winchester]

HOW MISHA USES JARED AND WHY HE DOES IT

Misha, whom I liken to a cult leader, uses sympathy to attract and keep his heller minions or devotees.  This is where Jared comes in.  Whenever other actors speak about Jared's pranking, they speak about it lightheartedly and they always mention Jensen joining in.  What Misha does, and I have said this before, is to only talk about Jared and he uses words that his devotees will be triggered by.  Words like PTSD, abuse, harass etc.  The only time he is forced to mention Jensen is when Jensen is right in front of his face, for example during their Jibcon panel.  Because he can't lie to Jensen's face.  It will make Jensen suspicious.  So his minions see Jared as an aggressor.  One minion actually said that Jared sexually abuses Misha.  I have the receipts of it on another post. 

Every love story needs a villain.  For the icky Cockles love story, Jared is an easy villain.  By extension, Sammy becomes a destiel villain.  Two birds, one stone.  I mentioned before that Misha likes to be the Alpha in his Cockles love story.  Misha likes to have sexual power over other people.  Jensen allows him to give off that impression because Jensen is too fearful whilst on stage.  Jared doesn't.  Look at the picture above.  Misha doesn't like that.  Not because he is a prude, but because it puts him in a submissive position and he hates that.  Misha's cockles narrative is that he is the alpha, Jensen is a delicate submissive, and Jared is an abusive brute with an ego problem, who just got handed his fame rather than earning it.  Misha also picks on Jared's looks as the reason for Jared's success. 

Remember the mockumentary.  Misha wrote and directed the mockumentary himself.  Look at how he wrote out the characters.  Jensen is a peaceful flowerchild, who does yoga and eats a vegan diet.  He is not violent at all.  And most important, Jensen is petrified of Jared.  He doesn't want to be on stage with Jared.  And when Jared arrives to do his make up, Jensen runs away because he is so frightened.  Jared is an egomaniac who only thinks of himself.  He talks down to his show runner and keeps him on hold for almost half an hour.  He burns his fan mail and doesn't even acknowledge Jensen's presence.  He has an entourage, bullying people and kicking them off the set at his behest, collecting and burning fan mail and carrying mirrors for him so he can admire himself.  The most important thing is that in the mockumentary, Jensen and Jared share almost no screen time.  That didn't even occur to me until now.  Jared said that he was surprised as how the mockumentary edited, because he had done funnier things that ended up on the cutting room floor and the big meanie bits were left on film. 

[If anyone has the transcript of that, please forward it to me]

Now that Misha had his hero and villain sorted out, he had to write a character for himself.  He couldn't make himself an Alpha who has too much screen time with Jensen.  Not only will it give Jensen the inkling that the is shippy, which could make him back out of the project, but J2 might actually laugh in Misha's face.  Because no sane person sees Misha as Alpha.  Even in his own wedding, he was the bride.  So the Alpha narrative was out.  The other standby was being the poor wittle victim.  Sympathy, his old reliable standby.  So his character was downtrodden, stuck on Supernatural, begging for work on other projects, and ostracized by his co-workers.  He got a terrible trailer and his name was misspelled.  Some people on staff didn't even know who he was.  Nobody sat next to him in the cafeteria.  Reading the comments on that will tell you how well he knows his fans.  They are mostly young college and school kids, and believed it blindly even though some of them knew they were watching a mockumentary.   

Recently Jared have become aware of Misha's nastiness towards him and Jensen.  The biggest indicator of this is the chair gag at Comic Con.  Cult leader types never just walk in and sit down.  They have to make an entrance.  Misha walks in with a tiny chair and sit down, a foot shorter than everyone else.  Making jokes about him was something they all did [J2 and R2] and I think it was Misha's idea although I have no confirmation on that.  The reason why I think it was Misha's idea, is because they never did it before when all the guys were gathered, and they never did it again.  Remember, NerdHQ and the previous Comic Cons.  I am repeating the following from another of my posts, because it was succinct. 

Halfway through the proceedings, presumably Jared realized how bad the joke was making them look, because at 26:01, Misha pointedly says "this joke is not funny anymore".  Jared must have gotten irritated, because the taunting was Misha's idea, but now he is saying something damaging about into the microphone for the entire auditorium to hear.  And making himself look like a victim.  So at 33:54, despite the fact that he had already answered the question, Jared reanswered it, to say something nice about Misha, and to let people know it’s just a joke.  

Link to the panel:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K9dHXJyLog

When Jensen, Jared and Misha took to the stage in Birmingham, Misha tried to pull the same trick with the short chair.  But if you watch the footage, Jared cut that nonsense short.  After getting introduced, when Jared realized what chair Misha was sitting on, he quickly went and exchanged it without ceremony.  He didn’t make a big show of it, because he wasn’t joking.  He didn't want a repeat of that nonsense on this panel.  Watch Misha's reaction.  He didn't expect Jared to ''spoil his gag''.  The mock crying and wiping his imaginary tears.  Sure, its funny to those who are not integrated into the cult.  But to his hellers, he was showing how moved he was that Jared was letting him sit on a proper chair.  Now, if you are rolling your eyes, because that sounds far-fetched, remember who we are dealing here.  Hellers.  Remember their meta, headcanons and logic and then tell me how far-fetched this is. 

Notice Misha’s eye and body language during the Comic Con panel.  Especially when Bob Singer exchanges his seat with Misha.  He knows exactly how to make himself look like a victim, especially physically.  This is probably why they don’t do panels with Misha, because he does something that makes the boys look bad.  They have only recently become aware of it.  It was only in the very recent Comic Con that Jensen placed him between Jared and Alex, far away from Misha.  And the three of them let Misha have it, but not by talking really.  They just looked embarrassed when he spoke, shaking their heads with disapproval.  And it was hilarious to watch, because you can tell Misha wasn't in on the joke this time.  This time they really were mocking him.  When Alex said something, Misha sent the coldest death glare his way.  You can tell he was angry, because Misha mock outraged look is very distinct. 

Someone said that Misha is jealous of Jared.  They can't be wrong.  Public school educated, frequently ill Jared has earned more recognition than Misha has, despite being a private school educated, kale eating bicycle tourist.  Misha copies Jared and gets only a quarter of the results.  So choosing Jared as a villain is an easy option for Misha, because Jared is easy for Misha to hate.  He has never said anything truly complimentary about Jared.  Remember, when Jensen said Jared was first on the call sheet and technically the lead.  Jensen followed that with ''I don't care about it.  Misha doesn't care.''  Watch the footage.  Misha mouths ''I care''.  Jared's success bothers him.  Oh, but he's just joking right, minions? 

To date, he has only tweeted out one non-sarcastic tweet in support of Jared when Jared had to leave Jibcon because of illness.  The tweets congratulating Jared on the birth of his children are obligatory.  Other than that, Misha has never done or said anything to show that he cares about Jared.  Jared, because he isn't so quick on the trigger, when it comes to being cautious of people, has said countless times that he loves Misha.  Misha never reciprocates.  I am noticing that the declarations of love are dwindling.  I am hoping its because Jared is getting more aware of Misha's intentions. 

[laracroftsleatherjacket]

For the wlw asks: all of them !! (Or, if you don't wanna do that, answer whichever ones you really want to!)

Kinda long so Ill put answers below this! (if it works idk what im doing)

1. how long have you known you liked girls? - I think I really knew when I was around 12-13? I was really into the Skyward Sword Zelda at the time haha but I was never really into boys and when I look back on my childhood it was pretty obvious I was gay when I look back on it imo

2. talk about the girl who made you realize you liked girls - Does Zelda count? lmao jk there was a girl I was, at the time, best friends with for many years. She was well.. my best friend and I had a huge crush on her. I actually admitted my crush, but she was straight and didnt feel the same way and it wasnt awkward or anything and we stayed friends for a bunch more years but shit happened and we’re not friends anymore.

3. are you in a relationship at the moment? - nope single pringle and have been for a long time

4. do you have a crush at the moment? - perhaps

5. describe your crush! - my crush is really nice and makes me laugh and we have a lot of the same interests. sorry thats real vague

6. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? - I think I lean towards liking more androgynous/masculine girls? but it really depends

7. do you look/dress more masculine, feminine, or androgynous? - in terms of looks probably feminine? And I think I dress more androgynous but my closet is really all over the place tbh

8. what’s your gaydar like? Broken lol Im really oblivious and I dont really know unless people actually tell me

9. tall girls or short girls? Im only 5′2 so everybody is taller than me anyway! loll probably same height or taller tho

10. intimidating girls or kind girls? Kind for sure but I get told sometimes that im really intimidating??(thank you resting bitch face) and I really dont think I am so i dont know

11. hugs or kisses? I really love hugs! but im a little biased. If someone would let me I would hug forever

12. do you have an ideal ‘type’? what would they be like? - mm i dont really think I have a ‘type’? I guess just if it feels right? I guess they would be adventurous at times but also like to just hang out and cuddle and play video games or something too

13. what’s your favourite personality trait of yours? - Of mine? ehh I really like that Im a kind/trustworthy person? Like I always like to help out when I can and if I make a commitment I dont back out for no reason

14. what’s your favourite personality trait for a girl to have? - Probably trustworthiness? like just a truthful person who is honest and I feel like I can trust deeply

15. what’s the best thing about liking girls? - Not liking boys ha

16. do you have any friends who are wlw? - Yeah a couple

17. have you ever been to pride? if so, what was your first pride like? - I havent been but I’d really like to go one day! 

18. do you like the lesbian flag? -I never really was that fond of the all pink old lesbian flag but I really like the new orange/pink one! I actually have one hung up on my wall

19. what was your first kiss with a girl like? - I havent even had my first kiss yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

20. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? - SS Zelda lmao but I really knew when I played TR2013. Gotta love Lara Croft

21. what’s your favourite lgbt+ movie? - I havent really seen hardly any strictly “LGBT+ movies” but The Carmilla Movie hands down

22. who’s your favourite openly wlw celebrity? - I really like Natasha Negovanlis or Ellen Page. And i did just find out that Kat Barrell came out as bi! and I really like her too.

23. do you wear makeup? - A little. Just black eyeshadow and black eyeliner no foundation or anything like that

24. who was the first person you came out to (if you have)? - Technically speaking the first person I came out to was a friend of mine in my Girl Scout troop but it was a very embarrassing and kinda crappy experience... my sister outed me to my parents :^) but its fine now

25. has anyone ever come out to you? - no not really

26. have you found a community of lgbt+ people? - not really? I tried to go to my college’s LGBT+ club but it was a movie night the first day I went and I didnt have the chance to talk to anyone and then I went on a really weird date and I ended up not going back again

27. do you have any older lgbt+ people you look up to? - hm.. not really? other than celebrities 

28. do you identify with butch/femme labels? - no. I guess I would lean closer to the ‘femme’ side but i feel like Im kinda in the “middle”

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw? - ROBIN currently. I have a lot of favorites (especially characters that def should be wlw but arent in canon)

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)? - a first kiss would be cool

[daeneryses]

so

here’s what i think abt the episode

it wasnt as BAD as it seemed it would be but that doesnt mean it was good but my expectations were so fucking low that i could sort of enjoy it. 

but well lets unpack that shit

it began alright, the funeral was emotional, not much to be done there i suppose. jon’s speech was good. nothing spectacular. 

then the feast, which was also okay. but here begins one of my most serious concerns. what the fuck is up with sansa? in past episodes i could see her point, the north has been betrayed too much, it has bled too much, and southern rulers don’t quite get the north. but at the feast she was straight up dropping attitude towards dany, like damn girl aren’t u supposed to be a diplomatic figure in order to be a political mastermind? but well i’ll rant more about that later on. also dany legitimizing gendry was something we all saw coming i believe (even before the leaks i mean lmao) and it was a smart choice on her behalf really bc as tyrion pointed out gendry would never betray her, out of pure gratefulness if anything.

the feast lasted a lot lmao am i the only one who feels that way? 

we started to see dany drifting from jon bc for some reason my tiny brain cannot comprehend people seem to want him as a king and she know he could be king if the truth gets out (WHICH DESERVES A WHOLE ASS POST TO RANT). she also sees tyrion laughing with jaime and brienne and i just felt so bad for her? like everyone was ignoring her she was clearly uncomfortable there ;( maybe it just hit too close home ahah. Anyway, I understand her becoming wary, and i understand why she doesn’t want anyone to know abt jon’s parentage. which, ofc, jon doesn’t give a flying fuck so we end up in a very bad place (which, again, i’ll talk more abt later on)

i was pretty nervous abt the gendrya breakup ahah but it really wasnt that bad, i didnt really see it as a breakup as much as a  “c ya later” and im allowing myself to be hopeful for them. they’re both clearly very much in love but my boy’s a whole ass clown if he thought she’d say yes THAT quickly.

but im actually nervous about arya’s fate??? did she even say goodbye to sansa? bran? what the fuck was that??? she really plans to kill cersei and i just have a feeling in my HEART that she’s not gonna make it out alive and she won’t succeed either. why would u have her lecture jon abt the importance of family if she’s just going to clock out the next day. ALSO what the fuck was that line of her never returning to WF????? 

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

if she dies im gonna become a full blown alcoholic. its even worse if she dies by the mountain or some stupid shit like that.

anyways

lets fast forward shall we

when they were at the war council room (idk the name im sorry) SANSA WAS STILL PROVOKING DANY. WHAT THE HELL? was it ever explained why she distrusts her? or are we just supposed to go with it? i loved that jon for once in his life stood up for her. she lost so much, she lost her khalasar, she lost most of her unsullied, she lost JORAH. and you don’t even want to send men to fight a much less scary enemy? gtfo here. i have always always always loved sansa, and i could see where she came from when she initially didn’t trust dany, but this? dany gave them everything and more, what do they want from her. im also emo bc i always thought dany and arya would get along :( and now im wearing a clown costume. 

then the jon’s dumbass who’s a targaryen but inherited ned stark’s ability to disclose very sensible information at the WORST possible timing goes “hey, u know what will make them be at peace with dany ruling? knowing that i’m a secret targ and i can be king instead of her ahah :)x” and tells them. which, ofc, has many many consequences.

god they really are setting everything up for dany going nuts i hate this i hate this so much

everyone is plotting behind her back. that sneaky little treacherous rat varys is going to get dracarysed very soon and i will REJOICE. 

and i truly fail to see why, all of a sudden, varys doesn’t want her on the throne. i cannot see what she has done wrong, and i mean this. if it’s all bc she burned down the tarlys i s2g.... if this was all done properly, if this was well written, if dany had truly started to show signs of madness, i would not be complaining. but the second she suggests using heavy force on KL to end the war once and for all, she is MAD!!!1111! aerys reborn!11!!! get the fuck outta here w that im fuming

but well im just rambling now. we all know that rhaegal survived a fight with his undead brother but died bc apparently NO ONE saw the massive fleet that was somehow hiding behind a rock. god i wish i was joking this sounds like bad fanfiction. also they killed missandei just for the lulz apparently and to give us what they believe will be a justified reason for dany going mad. thanks i hate it.

the way she said dracarys though ;___; she wants dany to obliterate the whole lot of them.

also the show really sad fuck jaime lannister huh. 

like, it’s the same shit guys. amazing episode if you look at the technical aspects, the music was great as usual, the photography is impressive, it feels like you’re watching a blockbuster movie not a TV show and that definitely counts for something, but the story is simply not good anymore. they are crushing everything they’ve built up to this point character-wise. everyone’s acting so so so ooc it’s unbelievable, and sadly i can only see one way for the “story” they have begun to tell us. they are going to destroy the single most important character of the show, the most ICONIC character in the story of TV, one of the most beloved characters of our times, and turn her into a monster just so jon can save the day. if that ain’t trash writing, idk what is. 

i also want to point out how great the cast is. it amazes me each episode. this time in particular emilia was amazing.

i guess that’s the sad part, that this show has it all to be the best of the best, but they decided to butcher the story, which cannot be saved, no matter how amazing your crew, cast, and production is.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

[jeonginnied]

a lot to process

requested

tagged fluff, enemies to lovers!au, profanity

pairing seo changbin x reader

mini note hhhhh this turned out a LOT longer than i thought it was gonna be but sjsjsjs whatever, also im sorry that changbin doesn’t appear until about halfway through (and yes i know, he would never act like this, it’s a story, we all know changbin is a sweetheart irl.)

“hey, y/n, mr. seo told me to tell you that you’re gonna be working late again.”

in an instant, your head shoots up as your eyes widen and stare up at chan, who’s a co-worker of yours. “you’re kidding me.” you respond immediately, not even the slightest look of emotion on your face. chan shakes his head with a look of sadness. “i’m so sorry, really—y/n, you really shouldn’t even have to do this,” the curly haired co-worker of yours says, and you move to respond when another voice beats you to i. “i agree.” the person says, and as you listen to them you immediately realize that it’s woojin.

“i seriously have no idea why changbi—i mean, mr. seo, overworks you so much. it’s not like you’ve ever called in late before, or showed up late. i mean, hell, i get that your his assistant and technically he’s supposed to be allowed to boss you around and stuff, but this is getting bad. you’ve worked like 45 hours this week, and we’re only like three-fourths of the way in.”

you nod in agreement before letting a sigh fall from your mouth. “i know this is bullshit, but it’s not like i can do anything, y’know? as annoying as it may be working here, this job pays really well, so.” you explain sadly, staring to the ground as you lightly kick your feet at the air. “maybe you can.. maybe you can do something about it..” chan says slowly, and both you and woojin stare at him with confused eyes. “i mean, you’re like the only person allowed in mr. seo’s office without being called up there, and.. i don’t know, it might be a crazy idea, but you could go up there and try to talk to him, i guess?”

chan barely finishes speaking his words before you’re already immediately shaking your head in disagreement. “i can’t. trust me, i’ve tried that before, but all i got in response was an order to go get him a coffee and an, ‘i’ll think about it,’ so i doubt there’s a chance.” you explain, and both of the boys frown. “and i was even nice when i did it! that was the sweetest i’ve ever been towards anyone ever, and mr. seo still didn’t listen! god, i really don’t understand what that man wants from me, seriously.”

it goes quiet between the three of you, before woojin suddenly hums, confusing both you and chan. the both of you look over to the oldest of you three, seeing that he’s got his eyes focused onto the ground, as he (for some reason) does whenever he’s thinking about something. “what if.. what if that’s the problem?” woojin suggests after a moment of the two of you watching him in total silence, and you raise an eyebrow at his words. “what do you mean by that?” chan nods to what you said, showing that he’s wondering the same exact thing.

“what if you were too nice last time? i mean, sure, i guess i could be wrong, but i highly doubt it, i mean i’m the kim woojin, i’m never—“ chan quickly cuts him off, rolling his eyes. “just get to the point already, hyung,” he tells the older boy, who only sticks his tongue out childishly before continuing. “what i meant was, i think you should try talking to him again, but this time more.. firmly. i mean, i don’t know for sure that it’ll work, but have you ever noticed mr. seo during meetings? he never agrees with people until they actually stand up against him and their serious.”

you look over to chan, who shrugs slightly and tilts his head. “i mean... woojin does have a good point. it’s worth a shot to try, right?” the australian inquires, and you nod slowly after a moment. “i guess you guys are right. i’ll go try this, but i swear to god, kim woojin, if i lose my job because of this, you’re finding me another one.” woojin smiles and nods that he will. “and..” you continue, “you have to do my laundry for the next month, too,” as those words fall from your mouth, the eldest’s eyes widen in surprise. you can hear him start to disagree and beg not to have to do so, but you’re already walking away by that time.

of course, this is the one time that your elevator ride to the floor above seems to pass by quite fast. truth be told, you had hoped that maybe the entire lift would suddenly get stuck and you wouldn’t have to do this. sadly enough, though, that doesn’t happen, and now you’re on your way to your boss’ office now. once you reach mr. seo’s office door, you stare at the door worriedly. the thought of just going back downstairs and backing down from this crosses your mind as your phone suddenly buzzes in your pocket. it’s a text.

chan [4.28 PM] stop thinking about backing out!! you’ve got this, y/n

you [4.28 PM] pfft. i wasnt thinking about backing out

chan [4.29 PM] suuuuure...

you [4.29 PM] oh sHUT UP i’m going in now

chan [4.30 PM] THATS MY GIRL!!! go get ‘em, tiger!!

you turn off your phone with a slight smile. as oddly weird chan was at times, he sure was good about cheering you up and just helping you out in general. had it not been for him, you probably would’ve backed down and just made an excuse for why you didn’t go through with everything. (not that chan or woojin would’ve believed you anyway—you really weren’t the best liar, as you can oh so obviously tell from the texts above)

taking a deep breath, your hand reaches up in a fist position, knocking on the door softly. you hear a rough voice mumble something along the lines of ‘come in’ and ‘what do you want,’ so you take whatever he’s said as a reason to twist the doorknob and walk inside of the office. it’s all white, as usual, aside from your boss himself, who wears an all black outfit.

“mr. seo.. i, um, i wanted to talk to you about something.” you start quietly, and your boss barely even lifts his head to glance at you before he goes back to staring at his papers and working. “sure, whatever, but make it quick. i have to get these papers finished and to an office across town by five thirty—which, by the way, you’ll be doing the transportation partition i just mentioned—so really, you’ll be the judge of how long this takes, y/n.”

you start to nod obediently before remembering what woojin had said to you just minutes before. this was getting bad, and you were ready to put a stop to everything. “no.” you say quietly, looking at your boss seriously. he slowly looks up to you, raising an eyebrow. “what do you mean, ‘no’? you don’t say no to me, i’m your boss!” you scoff. “sure, maybe you are, mr. seo, but, no offense—actually, no, huge offense—you treat me like absolute shit.

“every single day i come here so early in the morning, yet i’m still leaving here last, and you know why that is? because every day, you’re always telling me i have to work overtime, and you know, i’m so sick of it. sure, maybe i don’t live with anyone, but i still have a life, mr. seo! i don’t wanna be here from eight am to nearly eleven at night, okay? i’ve even tried coming to you about this before, too, and you know what you said? you told me that you would ‘think about it’ and then you immediately ordered me to get you a coffee. i’m sorry if this offends you, mr. seo, but i’m so done, i can’t take this kind of treatment anymore.”

you realize that your eyes have been looking everywhere this entire time, and that’s why you don’t realize when your boss is in front of you until he’s suddenly kissing you—wait, what?! you’re right. he is kissing you, but why? didn’t he like, hate you?

after a moment he pulls away, face still being softly held in his grasp. “i’m sorry. god, i’m so fucking sorry, y/n, oh my god. i didn’t even realize that i had been treating you like shit until now, and just—i’m sorry.” he apologizes, and you look into his eyes to see whether or not he’s serious. “and as for why i always have you work overtime.. i really like you, y/n. i know it seems childish or whatever that i would keep you here for personally reasons, and trust me, it is, but i just. i never really get to talk to you, and i guess i just got so caught up in work that i didn’t realize i was hurting you until now. shit, i’m so fucking sorry, y/n. a-and, i completely understand if you hate me now.”

you sit there in shock. your boss... the same boss who’s treated you like shit for about a year now, the same boss who constantly gives you overtime for no reason whatsoever, the same boss who never seems to listen to you.. likes you?

“this.. this is a lot to process.” you speak up after a while, and mr. seo just nods slowly. “i get it, really. and i’m serious, i get it if you hate me now, i mean.. i sure would.” he says, and you shake your head immediately. “i don’t hate you. i mean, i don’t exactly reciprocate your feelings as of now, but i don’t hate you. you’re human, mr. seo, we all make mistakes.” you explain. “but, if you’d like, i’m willing to get to know you better.. over dinner sometime, perhaps?”

he agrees instantly with a happy smile on his face. “y-yes! i mean, um, sure, let’s do it!” your boss attempts to hide his excitement, brutally failing at doing so as his smile grows even larger. “also, y/n? you can call me, changbin, you know. i actually prefer it, really. but only with you, and if you’d like,” you nod, smiling a bit. “of course.. changbin,”

needless to say, woojin’s idea definitely worked better than any of you had thought it would. (then again, though, it is kind of a bummer that you now have to do all of your laundry still.)

[uncertain3teeth]

my mom is headed out going to a food bank rn and it reminded me of an old memory of my toxic cousin bc i remember one time i told her that my aunt was going to a food bank and then she laughed and TAHTS FUCKED UP LIKE FUCK HER like you dont understand the shit that people have to go through when we dont have money we cant afford barley anything and we sometimes have to maybe even eat expired food because we dont have money to buy anything like laughing at a persons low income is fucking rude and disrespectful like she would know she HAS money and she can buy what the fuck ever...me and my mom on the other hand NO we have bills and rent piled up and its stressful and unfair and especially if your whole family is high income and then since i cut them off bc of my toxic cousin its hard to ask for help bc it makes me feel like im getting involved with my cousin again so fuck you stephanie for ruining my fucking life eith your physical and mental abuse and gaslighting and trying to seperate me and my mom saying that "being at your house makes you depressed" and "your mom doesnt care about you" and saying my mom is selfish and you called her the r slur and slow and you threaten to hit me and ever since elementary throughout highschool you always try and gaslight me into thinking that my mom is selfish and that staying at your place is whats right and especially elementary since i was young you would always every week talk abt how much my mother doesnt care and it actually made me turn on my own mother saying "i dont want to stay at her house can i stay here" and i would cry if she would have to take me home but little did i know that wasnt my own thoughts it was her fucking words ingraved into my head and i remember you talking abt my dad which left when i was in kindergarten and she knows how fucking sensitive i was abt that topic at the time but no and from an event in 2020 i still feel your hands on me pinning me down like a dog just bc your finger was in my face and you were yelling at me and i didnt even shove you i lightly tried to move your finger away from me and you quickly grabbed me from the chair and pinned me down with my hands behind my back and you were on top of me and i was sobbing and i wanted to cry for help but nobody was there to do anything and as she got off me i and ran to the bathroom to cut and she was chasing after me yelling "come back here now" and she was banging on the door and theres so much other things you did to me and i hate that i was the whole families scapegoat and that i was a punching bag and that rveryone thought i was disrespectful towards you but i was only calling out for help and even after i told them you abused me and all of that stuff they still are on your side is it bc you are a nurse and technically nurses take care of children so basically they just think "oh how could she do that she takes csre of children" and they would say "she was probably just tired" and if i speak up they always go to "she helped you will school since elementary school" and thats usually an excuse she can get away with and i hate it and she has all of these excuses and im just left with nothing and im broken and hurt and i fucking hate you stephanie for all of the shit you done to me you toxic manipulative cunt and sorry doesn't change any fucking thing i am still hurt and it hurts when you cut a family member off and you think you did something and you feel powerful but then the family doesnt even react to it and its just like a backhanded slap in the face bc you feel like you built all of that courage for nothing and now look at me having mild agoraphobia and being clinically depressed in my house that i haven't left since may of last year and i feel like everyday is the same and im sleeping 24 fucking 7 well latley im getting kinda sleepless nights bc i pulled all nighters for 3 or 4 days lost count but im trying my fivking hardest to heal and you cant hurt me anymore and i am better than you will ever be so a personal fuck you to you

[totallytubulargirl]

Soulmate AU: Leonardo (P1)

Universe:2016

Tmnt age: 20 and 21 years old

Rating: PG-13

Authors Note: I started this a LONG time ago. Lol it’s finally done I’m sorry please don’t hate just appreciate :P I also wanted to thank @sapphireslily for the inspiration to do the chest hum and @tmnt-rambles for the inspiration of the name somewhere on his body. Lol they wrote that like 6months ago so if they don’t remember I understand. Also I’m going to start putting their age at the beginning of all my stories so people don’t think I’m writing smut about teenagers. BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT AND THAT IS WEIRD. (P.s. it’s so long I’ll add a keep reading later when I get on desktop. Also there is sosososo much dialogue in it. Idk about this mayne it’s sort of different and really long lmk if you hate it please.)

Summary: Leo has turned 21 and the boys are eager to find out if they get a soulmate. But when Leo discovers who that supposed soulmate is, he is worried about letting his secret out.

21 years old. For some reason Leonardo had always felt they would never make it to be that old. Maybe shredder would’ve killed them by now, or Krang would try to invade again and actually succeed. Whatever it was, he thought they would’ve sacrificed their lives to save humanity by now, but here he was, sitting at home, while his brothers made him a cake and some supper. He knew what 21 meant to the humans. They could drink and smoke whatever they wanted but most importantly, it was when their soul mark appeared. A small name, etched across their skin with the name of the person who was supposed to be the love of their life. Could it happen to turtle-human hybrids?

“Happy birthday to you!” His brothers burst through the kitchen door, singing with a cake that didn’t look half bad. Leo smiled the best he could. “Happy birthday to you!” Mikey sang the loudest, while Raphael just sort of mumbled the lyrics. “Happy birthday dear Leo, happy birthday to you!” They plopped the cake in front of him,

“Go ahead,” Mikey grinned. “Make a wish!” Leo blew out his candles but his mind raced with thoughts of his mark. He thought it would appear right away, or that he would maybe feel different, but nothing. His brothers stared at him expectantly, but nothing.

“Shouldn’t you be floating in the air… transforming or something, with like light surrounding you as white doves fly everywhere.” Everyone stared at Mikey.

“This isn’t one of your stories numb nuts.” Raphael laughed and flicked Mikey’s snout. Mikey scrunched his face together before punching Raphael on the arm.

“Well nothings happening stupid.” Michelangelo was satisfied with his punch and insult and laughed. Leo could see Raphael getting ready to pounce onto the younger turtle.

“Stop it you two.” He snapped. Leo stood up, “We all knew this was possibility. We didn’t know if this could even happen to us, after all it is a human thing.”

“Yes but we are technically half-human.” Donatello raised a good point,

“So that means we only had a 50% chance.” But so did Leo. “But it’s fine we will just keep fighting and protecting the city,” Leo took a deep breath. “And that’s all we will ever know but it’s fine.”

“Good thing i’m not stuck being single like you losers.” Raphael taunted. Leo looked over at Raphael. He had started dating [Y/N] just six months ago, even though they had only known her for eight.

“Well we can’t all be perfect like you Raph.” Donatello snapped. They had all been hoping for this. Leo was the first one of them to turn 21 and if it wasn’t happening to him, it sure as hell wasnt going to happen to them. They all tried to finish celebrating Leonardo’s birthday like normal but disappointment was the undertone for the rest of the night. They finished up the festivities and all disappeared into their rooms to grieve the loss of their soulmates in silence.

———————————————————

Leonardo groaned awake in his bed. He tossed and turned a little before realizing he was awake. He slowly blinked his eyes open as the side of his head throbbed. It didn’t feel like a headache, more like someone had punched him in the middle of the night and left a bruise. He threw his blankets off and walked into the bathroom Leo stood in front of the mirror, maskless. There in his reflection was a small name that looked like a tattoo, etched into the right side of his face right where his mask would usually go. He traced the name with his finger before saying it out loud,

“[Y/N].” Instead of a hopeful tone, Leo said the name with dread. It was [Y/N]. He thought back to all of the times they had interacted and he didn’t see it. He had never thought wrongly of her, she was his brothers girlfriend after all. Leo huffed and wrapped his mask around his head, covering the mark that had certainly spelled his doom. No one needed to see it, no one needed to know. He would keep it to himself as long as he could. Leo took a deep breath, looking into the mirror to make sure he looked more put together than usual. He stepped out of the bathroom, confident that he could act normal but all that faded away when he saw her face. Vibrations shook subtly through the pores in his chest, creating a soft hum in his heart. He swallowed thinking that a simple reminder to his body that she was not his would make it stop. Instead, He stopped at the door way as she munched on a bowl of cereal while she perused the internet through her phone. She looked up when she spotted him out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey leo.” She said with a mouth full of corn flakes.

“Greetings.” He gave her a quick smile and tried to think of a casual excuse to leave the room but couldn’t come up with anything. He slowly took a step into the kitchen, and another and another until he had reached the sink. She raised her eyebrow at him,

“Are you ok?” She slurped her milk into her mouth.

“Of course.” He said flashing her another fake smile. Every move he made was calculated, was it too casual? Was he not casual enough? He took a heavy breath and leaned against the counter. Too casual. He took his palms off the counter top and stood up straight. Not casual enough. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so he kept them at his side. “How are you?” He asked in a steady clean tone.

“I’m good.“ She stood up and headed for the sink next to Leo. He tensed up as the hum in his chest increased in power. He could feel his body reverberating the hum and it felt almost impossible to hear anything. He backed up as she approached him. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, i’m sorry please excuse me.” Leo hurried past her. He was careful not to touch her, afraid of what feelings might come up if he did. She watched him go, confused as Raphael walked into the kitchen. She quietly retreated to her chair. Raphael and [Y/N] had been fighting over everything lately. There world views just weren’t same anymore. It felt like everything had change overnight. One day they were perfect for each other, and the next they weren’t even the same people anymore. If I don’t talk we can’t fight about anything, she thought.

“Aye.” Raph said as he leaned against the counter and opened a soda. He took a slow sip.

“Hi babe.” She said lightly, as if her voice alone could fix it. It almost did for Raphael. Seeing her everyday made things better for him, it was when they started arguing that everything changed. Right now though, they weren’t fighting. Raph felt a smirk grow on his face. He put his drink down and snuck up behind her, wanting to envelop her body in his arms. Instead she jumped and spilled the rest of the milk in her cereal bowl. “Raph!”

“Woah!” He jumped back a little before catching the bowl. “I was just tryna hug you.” She scowled at him,

“Ok well, maybe give me a warning next time.” She grabbed a napkin and blotted her shirt which was quickly becoming see-through. Raphael could almost smell her anger and threw the bowl on the floor.

“Well excuse me for wanting to touch my girlfriend!” The way [Y/N]’s face changed from anger to horror made Raphael even angrier. She was scared of him, she was supposed to love him and she was scared of him. “GREAT!” Raphael raised his voice, “Just so incredibly great!”

“You always do this!” [Y/N] yelled. “Can you just not get mad for once?” She began sobbing. He used to be soft and loving and now anger was the only emotion she ever saw. Did he even love her anymore? Leonardo could hear their argument from the living room. He would be surprised if all of North America couldn’t hear them. After he heard the bowl smash he headed towards the kitchen, peeking in just to make sure Raphael didn’t get out of control. He saw [Y/N] sobbing and he burst into the kitchen impulsively. His instinct was to run to her but instead he just stepped in between Raphael and [Y/N].

“Maybe you guys need a break.” He suggested. The humming in his chest was strong but he ignored it the best he could. Raphaels chest heaved as anger clouded his thoughts. He was trying to get a sense of reality, a sense of what existed besides the anger clotting his chest.

“Maybe we do needa break.” Raphael pointed his finger at her.

“Fine with me since you don’t even love me anymore.” She cried.

“Who said that?” He yelled back, shoving his weight against Leo’s arm.

“Hey!” Leonardo snapped. “You need to cool it.” Raphael glared at Leo, as if he was about to rip the shell right off of his back. Raph knew he was right though, and ran off. Leo breathed in relief but tensed up again when he remembered the humming in his chest. He looked over at [Y/N] who was currently a wet sobbing mess. She threw herself into his arms,

“Oh Leo I’m so sorry you had to see that,” she cried. Leonardo felt a warm sensation take over the humming when she hugged him, it was relieving. His face went flush as the warmth flooded his body. As if his entire life he had never taken a breath of fresh air until now.

“I uh-“ he struggled to find his words. “It’s ok.” He stated simply. She pulled her head from his plastron,

“It’s not Leo, he’s such a jerk!” Leonardo wrapped his arms around her only making her sob even harder. “Thank you Leo.” Her voice was muffled, but he understood. Leonardo and [Y/N] stood in the kitchen hugging until she calmed down. He didn’t know how long it had been, but standing there embracing his soulmate felt so good.

“Raphael is an asshole sometimes and I’m sorry that he’s not doing better by you.” He finally said, breaking the silence. “Why don’t we go sit on the couch?” Leo asked. She slowly nodded her head. The tears had finally stopped but her face was red and swollen from crying. He held her hand, guiding her towards the couch.

“I’m sorry Leo.” She said, wiping her face. He chuckled a little,

“It’s ok, stop apologizing.” He smiled at her and she smiled back.

“I just hate for you to see that, or see me like this.” She felt ashamed for crying, for fighting with Raphael, for everything.

“It’s ok, I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know, that’s what I love about you.” They smiled at each other for a moment before she hugged him again. As long as Leo was touching her, his body was calm and the humming in his chest would stop. Even better was the feeling that came after the humming. Oh god, he thought. I can’t keep this a secret. He had to though, for his brother. He looked down to her small silhouette and thought of all the happiness she could bring both of them and Leo knew he had to keep his mouth shut. She was only 20, what if she turned 21 and her soul mark said some one else’s name. “Thanks Leo, really.” She whispered into his chest.

“Of course [Y/N].” She wiped her tears away,

“I’m sorry I haven’t even told you happy birthday or anything.” She smiled. “How’d your birthday go?” She looked at him expectantly,

“Uh- it was adequate,” he lied.

“Did you get your soul mark?” She said, suddenly excited. Leonardo was at a loss for words. How had the topic already come up? She had snuck up behind him, leaving him vulnerable to her probing. Maybe she knew. Maybe she really was his soulmate.

“I uh,” he cleared his throat. “Well-“ what was he supposed to say? If he told her he had one she would ask to see it and then it would all be over. Her eyes widened with his hesitation.

“Yes! You do have one!!” She clapped rapidly in excitement. “Ok what name is it?” She squealed. “No wait don’t tell me is it April?” She leaned in for the juicy gossip but little did she know it was her.

“No it’s definitely not April,” he mumbled. She widened her eyes and threw her hand over her mouth.

“What if it’s, like, one of my friends and we never knew this WHOLE time !?” She seemed so eager to find out who it was but he felt she would panic if he told her.

“No, no, no it’s not anyone because I don’t have one,” he lied again. He didn’t want to lie but he had to for her own good.

“You’re obviously lying and I want to know why?”

“Can you just please leave it alone?”

“But Leo I-“

“Just please.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone, just tell me.” She insisted.

“Fine it’s you !” He blurted. [Y/N] froze. Leonardo cursed at himself. It had only been 2 hours and he had already outed himself. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.” He buried his face in his hands.

“Can I see it?” She asked. Leo was surprised but he took his mask off, slowly revealing to her the undeniable truth. [Y/N] brought her hand up to his face and traced her name on the side of his head. “I don’t know what to say.” Leo almost chuckled before looking up at her,

“You don’t have to say anything,” his voice suddenly darker. “I know the reality of this situation,” he wrapped his mask back around his head. “You love Raphael and so do I and so nothing else matters.” She stared at the place where her name should be.

“Don’t you think maybe that means something?” A million thoughts flooded her mind but all she knew for sure was that that was her name tattooed on the side of Leonardo’s head. Her whole life she has been hearing about this soul mark, how it always found the right person for you. She had never known love in her own life, her parents had abandoned her when she was a baby, and she had to learn to fight in the orphanage at a young age. You had to fight or you wouldn’t get to eat, or you wouldn’t get a cot for the night. She had heard stories from the other children that sometimes one of the older night guards would pull them out of their cots and down into the basement. She didn’t want to think about what happened next. Maybe it never happened to her because she slept at the end of the large cafeteria, she figured they just never made it all the way to her. The soul mark though, was good and pure and it was the only hope that she had clung on to, through all those years. She dreamed of the stranger who would take her away from the hell that was her reality. When she had met Raphael she thought it was him, he was so perfect. His muscular figure was so intimidating it gave her a rush and when he smirked it sent shivers down her spine. He was the hero she was missing in her life; Raphael had always been so kind and loving with her, she was sure that she would wake up on her twenty first birthday, and it would be Raphael’s name engraved in her skin. Leonardo’s soul mark stated otherwise. “Maybe we should kiss or something?” She suggested. He jerked his head in her direction,

“Are you sure?” He raised his brow bone questioningly.

“Well I mean, don’t you think that’s really the only way to know?” Leo thought about it. If she didn’t feel anything, everything would be okay. He took a deep breath,

“Ok but if you don’t feel anything I need you to be honest, this is important.” The hum in chest became stronger at the thought of kissing her for the first time, “Are you ready?” He asked in a smooth and steady tone. She nodded her head nervously. She could already feel something, more like a million somethings. She was nervous and scared and hopeful all at the same time. Leonardo leaned in, almost against his own will, the hum in his chest forcing him to act. He could feel the softness of her lips against his mouth, saliva inevetiably interchanging as their kiss grew deeper. She tried to pull away but [Y/N] kept telling herself, one more kiss, one more kiss. She couldn’t help but let out soft moans as Leo pressed his hands into her back and nibbled on her bottom lip. Oh, How did he know? She thought of all the bad things that would happen if she didn’t pull away right now. She gasped and forced herself away,

“Leo!” She yelled, a little too loudly.

“Shh!” He hushed her. “What!?” She blushed a little before lowering her voice.

“Sorry, um,” she fanned herself and leaned back onto the couch. “So did you feel anything?” Leo couldn’t even see straight, he felt an animalistic need for her and at the same time he wanted to be romantic and take it slow. Oh, but she tasted so good, and fit so perfectly underneath the swells and dips in his fingers.

“I don’t think that’s important,” he rubbed his face, trying to catch his breath. “Did you feel anything?” He didn’t want to look at her, bracing himself for rejection.

“I don’t think those soul marks lie Leonardo.”He turned his head towards her,

“I was afraid that you would say that.” He threw himself back in defeat. “What should we do?” He asked.

“We have to tell Raph.”