#technically I am...not *quite* cheating but I'm getting close

[radarsteddybear]

@belphegor1982 replied to your post: The one thing that has remained constant in the...

I've heard a lot about this novel and the 1980s adaptation, but never read/seen it. (But I love seeing people talk about things they love 💜) What do you love about it (besides what you just said here)? What was your first reading experience like? Did you see/like the movie?

(Replying to this like an old-school xkit user because it's my blog and I can do what I want)

In all honesty, the thing I love most about it is all of the whump and hurt/comfort. Ponyboy has a really hard time of it (emotionally, physically, mentally) at different points throughout the novel, and the steady stream of hurt/comfort is 👌

I also like how I find that I frequently discover something new about it when I reread it, which may be more due to being so young when I read it the first time than anything else.

That whump was exactly what I was looking for at age 13 when I first read it (and also what I was writing, but miles and miles and miles better and much more cohesive). Thus, my first reading experience largely consisted of me thinking, "More whump? This is fantastic!" (except not exactly, seeing as I didn't have a term to describe it yet) as I read.

I wish I remembered the academic parts of reading it for school better, like what we talked about and went over. I doubt we went all that deep (or maybe I was too immature to grasp the deeper aspects of what we talked about, idk), which is a shame. I think we just had a packet with comprehension questions to fill out as we read, and I can't remember if we did much else.

What I do remember is that we had a substitute teacher the day that we started book, and he told us that S.E. Hinton (the author) is a woman, which our regular teacher was mildly annoyed about because she'd wanted us to guess about it. And I remember the teacher explaining how to pronounce "Soc"* ("sosh" with a long o). Does knowing the correct pronunciation keep me from saying it "sock" in my head every single time I read it? Absolutely not.

We watched the movie at school after we finished the book; the teachers got together and blocked off a whole afternoon so we could all watch it in one sitting instead of in ~40 minute increments over a couple of days. I was disappointed that it cut out certain scenes from the book (which is understandable--a lot happens in those 180 pages), but otherwise, I liked it a lot. (I had some Opinions on the casting, though, that Ralph Macchio should have played Ponyboy instead of Johnny and C. Thomas Howell should have played Johnny instead of Ponyboy, but I was probably basing that more on looks than anything else, and as someone who doesn't ever have clear pictures in my head of what book characters look like, that means less than zero. Both did great in the roles they played, and Ralph Macchio did, in fact, fit Johnny's description very well.)

Some number of years later (no idea when), I borrowed the director's cut version on DVD via Netflix, but I have no recollection of whether or not it adds back in the specific scenes I was looking for. They've got it at the local library, so I'm going to try to go get it so that we can watch it sometime this week.

*"Soc" is the term that everybody in the book uses to refer to the rich kids, which is short for "socials".

[bigfan-fanfic]

Writing Game 1.4: Campfire

Prompt: Campfire Pairing: Clark Kent/Steve Rogers

"I still think it's cheating." Steve grins, watching Clark roll his eyes.

"Well, I'm sorry that the 'Star-Spangled Man With a Plan' couldn't get the flint working."

"Wow, do people still know about that one? I kinda thought that one would die off. It's a bit of a mouthful."

"I was just a very good history student."

"Aren't you a reporter? Shouldn't you be more interested in current events?"

"You are current." Clark laughs. "But also, you've got to know where you've been to know where you're going, right?"

"Then I guess I must know that better than anyone." Steve clicks his teeth, shooting Clark a grin. His face must be funny, because Clark snorts in an effort to stifle his giggles.

It wasn't exactly a common thing for them, camping, but during a week spent in Smallville with the Kents, Steve took the opportunity when Clark mentioned it to get them some private time. Martha and Jonathan are wonderful, but their guest room is just not conducive for two large muscular men in the same bed.

"I really liked getting to see your home. It's fascinating to me... were you ever really that small?"

Clark laughs again. "Yeah. I was quite the shrimpy kid, you know. It was one of the things I liked - Pa was a late bloomer too, and it made me feel connected to him when they told me when I was adopted."

Steve nods. "They're lucky to have you. And you with them. I think my mom woulda liked them. And you."

Clark lies back on the soft grass, looking up through the trees to the night sky. "You're doing okay, right?"

"Hmm?" Steve asks, glancing back at him. "Okay about what?"

"That joke Pa made this morning. About you being older than him."

It was harmless, Steve thought. In his own way, Jonathan was trying to put Steve at ease about it. It was a weird situation, even he would admit. How would he feel if his and Clark's son was marrying a guy who looked his age but was older than him? And then the idle thought hits him in full force that he just imagined him and Clark having a kid in the future. Starting a family. But he didn't let his wild thoughts run away with his mouth. "I didn't mind, honestly. I like that he's... okay enough to joke, I guess?"

Steve flops back onto the grass and rolls onto his side, looking right at Clark. "I love you."

"Aww. I love you too."

The reply is always so easy for Clark. It still makes Steve jumpy, the idea of being so open and free with his love - even when he knew his attraction to more than just women, he knew only that kind was "acceptable" in polite society. The first time he kissed Clark in public, he had a reaction that was somehow like the euphoric feeling of cresting the top of a roller coaster and having a panic attack all at once.

Clark scoots closer, and Steve opens his arms to cuddle him close.

"Thanks for doing this. I know maybe a whole week with my parents might be overwhelming-"

"It's really not. Martha and Jon are... they're amazing people. And you have such a close relationship with them - what, am I gonna make you choose, them or me?" Steve scoffs. "I think, even under normal circumstances, your parents are probably the best ever."

Clark beams at him, and graces him with a long, slow, passionate kiss. "All the same, we'll head home after tomorrow. I wanna do things with you that I really don't wanna be in my parents' house for."

Steve blushes, and Clark kisses him again. "I mean... technically we're not in your parents' house right now."

It's so hard to fluster Clark, and Steve cherishes the chances he gets to. Clark goes bright red, and then rolls off of Steve, laughing. "Okay, someday I'll tell you about when I came out to my parents. Let's just say I'm never trying to have sex on their land again."

"Oh, come on, you have to tell me now!"

"Fine. We were fooling around. Me and this boy from school. A good friend, Billy Crescent. My first boyfriend, after Lana and I broke up. And he, well... let's just say I caused a sonic boom and knocked down a whole buncha trees."

Steve starts to snicker, and bursts into full on guffaws. Clark pouts just a moment before he starts to laugh too.

"Alright, alright. We'll make sure not to cause another environmental incident until we get home." Steve teases, silencing Clark's retort with another long kiss.

They speak and kiss well into the night, and long after their campfire dies down, they cuddle in each other's arms, fast asleep.

[asheepinthenight]

Talon's End Devlog: October 2023

Another month already, and an extra hello to everyone who's here from interact-if! My day job keeps me pretty busy, but I usually post at least twice a month: once with a short story/lore tidbit, and once at the end of the month with a devlog to give a general progress update on the game. This month's extra was an interactive holiday special for Halloween. It ended up being quite a bit longer than expected, but it was a lot of fun to write! If you haven't played it yet, you can find it HERE!

Progress update is below the cut (a bit longer than usual)! (TL;DR: Still planning the next demo update for December, but no extra next month to give myself some more TE writing time.)

The Halloween extra took more writing time than expected, but it also gave me a great opportunity to add some features and troubleshoot some issues with the new UI before needing it all ironed out for TE. I've been able to transfer a lot of what I've learned from that over to the main game, so the next demo update should be a bit smoother on the technical side than it would have been otherwise!

For the last month or so, I've been alternating between writing and doing the less exciting housekeeping tasks to get the new UI up and running. But I'm finally done with most of the boring stuff and have been able to get back to focusing on writing! I'm not officially participating in NaNoWriMo (since counting code feels like cheating, but a lot of the work of IF is code!), but I am planning to get as much written as I can! I should have a better idea of the scope of December's demo update by the end of next month.

As of now, I'm expecting to skip the next monthly extra in order to squeeze as much game writing in as I can. But if something really inspires me, I still may post one--we'll see!

I've been pretty secretive about demo update content so far, so here's a little tidbit from the first scene, in case anyone's been wondering if Hawk wears their fancy wedding robe all the time! See y'all next month!

You open the door and are faced with Hawk, standing entirely too close. They're no longer wearing their night-sky robe but a loose white shirt–laced at the chest but not tied–and brown trousers hidden below the knee under tall boots. Over that, they wear a long, sleeveless coat of soft green, tied with a thick, deep brown sash.

[convenientalias]

2023 Dramas I Watched in 2023

Cdramas:

A League of Nobleman--Slashy historical mystery drama. I loved all the slashiness and all the intrigue and then in the last few episodes I fell even more in love with the villain. Worth a watch but not my favorite slashy historical mystery of the year.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook--My favorite slashy historical mystery drama of the year! Tho more wuxia than historical I suppose. Bromance and archnemeses and identity porn abound. The identity porn in particular was a special treat for me; a character wandering around all these ppl who care deeply about him or idolize him but all think he's dead is my catnip. (I technically have a few episodes left to go on this one but I'm still counting it bc I am very close.)

Parallel World--YE LIUXI. I did a review of this one here! The short version: urban fantasy and parallel worlds in a desert setting, with a badass amnesiac female protagonist.

The Lady and the Lies--Miniseries, one of those short-episode things that China's doing a lot of now. Involved a cheating husband and a wife out to get revenge. I'm sorry but I shipped the wife with almost every person doing her wrong. She should destroy their lives and also dom them. They're all kind of obsessed with her anyway, in their own way.

Under the Microscope--You ever sit down and say, "Okay, but what I REALLY want from all these historical dramas is to just dig into the tax fraud going on in the background"? Me too, my friend. This show and Long River, which I also watched this year, are all about logistics, bureaucracy, and corruption, and the small man's struggle against ppl in power. That makes them both kind of difficult watches in a way, but also fascinating. I have yet to finish Long River, but this one is an easy 14 episodes and not as emotionally draining, so it was much easier for me to binge through.

Ye Cheng--I must admit I watched this for the pretty people. It's set in a matriarchal fantasy wuxia setting, but the gender role reversal feels a little shallow when the strongest good guy and the strongest bad guy are both men, even tho in theory women are supposed to be the warriors in this setting. However, the role reversal can be quite interesting in some ways--watching the male MC run a brothel as the city's top entertainer, try to use his ~masculine wiles~ to charm the FMC in a way that would be more typically feminine, and deal with the power dynamics of joining the FMC's household. Also, the two leads are just a lot of fun and have a lot of chemistry. The plot is sometimes stupid, but it's still a lot of fun to watch. Also, this was one of just two dramas I managed to finish this year that were mostly romance focused. When you reach the "dropped" section you will see that this is an impressive feat.

Kdramas:

Bloodhounds--I love Woo Do-hwan and I love Park Sung-woong but you know I was here for the ACTION SCENES. PEOPLE PUNCHING EACH OTHER AND SLICING EACH OTHER WITH KNIVES. THATS WHAT ITS ABOUT. I've also written a lot of fanfic about the protagonist and villain at this point but honestly they should have interacted more, we were robbed.

Queen of Masks--The only rich woman thriller kdrama I completed this year. But honestly, when it comes to rich woman thriller kdramas, I've seen better and femslashier. Mine did a better job with the whole "your husband told you the mother of his child was dead, but guess what it's actually me and I'm still alive and here to cause problems" plotline, tho I still enjoyed it here. And the sexual assault aspect... eh. I don't love seeing that kind of plotline in a revenge story; it's such a serious issue (and so much more realistic than, say, "this businessman murdered my whole family to acquire our company" a la Eve) that it kind of makes it hard for me to enjoy the fun of the mystery. But I suppose the way they handled it at least had gravity. My favorite plotline was Hae-mi and her husband and the drama they got into, which is serious in its own way (addiction and lies) but extremely well acted and with so much romantic chemistry.

Revenant--Spooky spooky ghosts and Kim Tae-ri, what's not to like? The possession aspects were creepy without being gory or too terrifying for a wimp like me to handle. The acting was great. And I actually shipped the sort-of-romantic subplot, though apparently a lot of ppl shipped the two MCs instead, which is understandable.

Song of the Bandits--A whole ton of gunfighting and other action scenes. One very badass assassin woman, a dude who is equally capable of taking out a whole squad of soldiers or bandits on his own, a villain with a complicated relationship with the dude above, and a woman spying on the Japanese government who's in a sort of spy love triangle with the MC and the villain. the plot was okay but again I was mostly here for the action!!

Thai dramas:

My Dear Gangster Oppa--This year I tried to watch a bunch of different BL dramas bc I was in that kind of mood but the truth is, it's not the het that gets me in m/f romcoms, it's unfortunately the romcom. Despite that! I persisted and did manage to finish this one. The lead couple was cute, and there was gangster intrigue and action etc to keep the fluff and comedy from driving me insane. still mostly a romance.

To Sir With Love--Also has a BL romance in it but not really a romance drama but a Family Drama with lots of familial plotting, the classic first wife vs. second wife scheming-for-their-children plotline along with what could have been a love triangle between brothers... except Tian is gay, which means the love triangle is null (except he's still engaged to his brother's love interest. which is awkward for all involved.). Also Tian being gay is a Deep Dark Secret. There's a lot of homophobia which might turn some viewers off but I loved seeing Tian's struggle between wanting to come out and having been forced to stay in the closet for so long that he freezes even at the thought of telling people he trusts. Also his mother commits a bunch of murders with terrible poison mushrooms so if THAT'S what you want out of a Thai drama, there is also that. Also he and his brother are. so sweet. and I love them. but also the central m/m romance is very good and involves assassination attempts and identity porn and pining and everything good. Also also this is actually a 2022 drama BUT IM STILL COUNTING IT bc it came out in October 2022 and am I really supposed to get around to watching dramas that fast??

Started and dropped:

Kiseki: Dear to Me--Even gangsters and intrigue could not save me from dropping this romcom.

Our Blooming Youth--This is also a romcom. You may see a pattern here. But to give it credit it is quite a plotty historical drama too. I just didn't really care about the two leads and dropped it halfway through.

Pandora: Beneath the Paradise--A thriller that was going places a bit too wild and frustrating for me.

Killing Vote--Can you believe I dropped this with only four episodes to go? I'm sorry Park Sung-woong, I love you but the plot is just so boring. And it plays at moral complexity while being just. not very complex. Like I swear the morality in this thing is "catching bad guys and punishing them is good, not catching them and not punishing them is bad." We could be talking about police corruption, our MC's terrible ethics, innocence until proven guilty, and so on and so forth, but we were just not going there. Also the twists were doing very little for me and the cops are just not very interesting characters. Again, Park Sung-woong, I'm sorry, you were a decent character but you could not save this show. Let's be real I needed either more Devil Judge here or more Death Note.

Legend of Anle--The romcom element was not helping this show's case but I still tried for 1) wuxia with identity porn and 2) Dilraba Dilmurat costarring with Gong Jun. Unfortunately those two had no chemistry and the plot was just very unsatisfying for me in the political intrigue area. One example: Gong Jun can't find the supplies needed to pacify a near-rioting mob. But that's okay bc Anle's subordinates found it. How did they find the super secret hidden storehouse?? we don't know and will never find out bc it was offscreen and never explained. They just did. this would be fine if it weren't, like, the climax of the episode and presented as a victory of the two MC's brilliance. I can't deal with this.

Naughty Babe--It's. A romcom. I'm so sorry I probably should just stop trying.

Other romcoms I quit too fast to give a fair opinion: You Are Mine, Extremely Perilous Love, My Lethal Man, Taikan Yoho.

Well, there you have it, 2023 dramas I watched in 2023.

Fun as it was, I think in 2024 I'm going to try to catch up more with older dramas lols.

Did y'all watch any of these dramas this year?

[styrmwb]

Favorite Final Fantasy Music (FFXI - Add-ons and Bonus)

FFXI week finally comes to a close, and this is the part where I pick songs that just didn't really quite fit in any single expansion, or cases like the extra add-on content which were really their own thing and even are listed separately on the title screen. Absolutely could not have done this game justice doing just one list, and this was a great time for me to relive some nice memories from me playing this game I definitely did not want to reup the sub nope.

There's also technically probably another section I could make on this, but I actually haven't played the new Voracious Resurgence content, so I don't wanna do that part dirty and just pick shit without literally any context. Anyways, let's finish this up so that I can actually increase the number after FF.

5. Dolphin Any XI fan will tell you: the hardest part of the game isn't losing levels. It isn't the gameplay, it isn't the bosses that take hours and hours and actual cheating to beat, it's fucking installing the game. This is because FFXI has its own special launcher that Square Enix was gonna use but then proceeded to only do with XI called PlayOnline. It is absolutely a product of its time. But you know what it does? It gives you BANGER TUNES TO LISTEN TO. FOR NO REASON! You're sitting there installing the game? Here's a bop. You're just trying to log in and you're frustrated that your password doesn't allow capitals? Here you go. This song will make you feel better. Dolphin is the song that always plays whenever I open my PlayOnline launcher to play FFXI. And you might say: "Styrm, this isn't a game song, why is this in the list?" and to that I say: It's in the official soundtrack. And PlayOnline is such an integral part of the FFXI experience that I would argue that it IS part of the game. That's why it's here. Love this shit. Please do yourself a favor and listen to all of the PlayOnline songs, cause I'm not gonna fill this list up with 'em.

4. Iroha First funny thing; I cannot find an official upload of this song, so I'm using the version they put in the FFXIV soundtrack cause it's also there identically. This is the theme of Iroha, the main heroine of Rhapsodies of Vana'diel, the essential finale/wrap-up storyline of the entire game. The reason I like this song, is I think less for the song and more what it reminds me of. I do love the soft piano and the empty backing, the very tense and sad sounding BIM bum that keeps playing; but most of all, this makes me think of that character, and how much the storyline really just was a letter to fans from the devs saying thank you. It's somber, yet beautiful. There might be songs that fit this feeling better, like the ending theme, but this is the song that does it for me.

3. Distant Worlds Something that stinks, is that I can't find a good honest upload of this song. Everything official is either the Distant Worlds orchestra version, or the Black Mages version, which, to be fair! are both good. So let's hope this unofficial version doesn't get taken down lmao. Another technicality with this, is that this is technically the ending theme of Chains of Promathia; but, it was introduced later, and it really feels separate? It's kinda its own entity, also only being in bonus soundtracks. It's really beautiful though. Taking that main Memoro de la Ŝtono motif, but turning it into an ending theme that almost befits the entire game. Not only do I love the main melody, I am a big fan of the warbly sort of sound that plays a lot, cause that really gives this song that XI feel rather than just being a nice vocal track. You ever wanna assassinate me just start playing this and I'll be paralyzed

2. Provenance Watcher Another very strange case of "I didn't know where to put this song". This is the final boss theme of the Voidwatch story, which was more like in modern senses a patch story to Wings of the Goddess? But it again very much feels like its own entity. Add on the fact that the song itself is in the Seekers of Adoulin soundtrack and I was just like "Ok you're going with the rest of the weird off cases". Either way, love this song. The beginning strings rhythm is such a cool sound, and then add on the really low horn for that sense of foreboding, befitting the Giant Fucking Dragon Creature you are fighting. The build up for this song is amazing, and uses all of the classic FFXI instruments you know and love by this point. My absolute favorite part of the song is midway through after a lot of the instruments have kinda stepped away for a slight flute bit, and then it blows up with this amazing sounding bit with the entire orchestra. I can't quite do it justice with my words, but hopefully you'll know when you hear it. Also can I just say shoutouts to the Naoshi Mizuta tambourine????? It has no right to go as hard as it does in this entire soundtrack.

1. Shinryu And here we are. The final XI song in my lists. This is the final boss theme of the Abyssea storyline, which is split up into 3 separate parts. Shinryu in this game is essentially the bad timeline version of Promathia (Abyssea as a whole is a sort of bad timeline in a way). The song starts with this incredibly menacing brass orchestra, one part giving you this heavy almost percussion like vibe, and the other part giving you the main sort of melody in the start, absolutely perfect for this literal end of the world dragon. Then it gets fun. The actual percussion comes in with a really fun beat, the orchestra starts the meat of the song, feeling like a really fun and triumphant final battle. And my favorite part? The out of nowhere hopeful sounding bells and strings that sound almost heavenly, they sound heroic, like you're going to save this doomed world. The song goes back into more menacing, like Shinryu is beating back, giving me more of that Dragon Quest IX sound I love. After a really cool loud hit rhythm, the drums do this amazing offbeat section that gives the song a really fun vibe, then going with a sort of royal sounding section featuring a flute/horn duet, and finally, into the grand finale where everything comes together to play off the song, having the heroic vibe from earlier; you are winning. You are going to save the day.

Honorable mentions this time are: Filter branch (this is also PlayOnline music lmao), Wail of the Void, Rhapsodies of Vana'diel, Luck of the Mog, Feast of the Ladies, and even though I've pretty much already mentioned it in this series, gotta give it up for my boy Main Theme - FINAL FANTASY XI Version.

[incomingalbatross]

Last Week (week three) on Commute Radio:

Bach's violin concertos Not quite as beautiful to me as the Brandenburg concertos, but good stuff

Close Reads A podcast that comes across like a very intelligent, well-educated book club or relaxed literary seminar - three people (also Catholic I'm almost entirely sure) discussing books in depth. I listened to their first installment of discussion on Little Britches, and it was great. They compared Ralph to Telemachus multiple times.

Being Human Very promising! I only listened to the introductory episode, but it's about Catholic psychotherapy which is a VERY interesting topic.

Bargainville by Moxy Früvous My non-classical music cheat day. :P A good time! Not something I would have found on my own. I like their sound.

Art of Manliness A short episode - not much to say about it. Still deciding if this one holds a strong enough appeal for me to keep it in a long-term rotation.

Stuff You Should Know VERY short episode. I'm good sprinkling these into my rotation, I think, just as random general knowledge content.

Snap Judgment Listen. These are interesting, varied, well-made, and generally engrossing storytelling. However, if the third episode I listen to is also the third one that brings up child sex abuse, however appropriate the context and handling, I am out.

Cello Concertos by Dvorak and by Elgar Good stuff, dramatic, and one of them reminded me of OTGW somehow? I think just the vibes. Considering making a Fall Playlist and putting it on there.

My Writing Sucks Continues to be a fun time! Her writing WAS bad and it's bad in ways I recognize so clearly from my own child-attempts at writing. Both funny and endearing.

Pints With Aquinas This was my longest day, and I was also on the train and may have dozed a bit, so I can't say I gave it the attention it required. But it was still good.

Born of Wonder I liked my second episode better than the first! Talked about nature and how we ought to relate to/experience it, with the focus on wonder. Good.

Swan Lake Act One Really good stuff. Much longer than I assumed (hence only having gotten to Act One this week), but I would listen again.

Now, I'm behind on my round-ups here, because technically I just finished week four of this project/experiment/adventure. But I don't want the list to get wildly long, so I'll end this one here and give Week Four its own post before long.

[tobiasdrake]

We have our missions. Let's make the most of it.

And by that I mean Story Time.

Garl will persuade Malkomud to help us. Zale will bottle Zephyr. Serai will rematch the Hydralion, but this time it's personal. And I get to singlehandedly slay the terrifying lava monster that the council's so afraid of. We're good to--

Wait, what about Resh'an?

Technically, you're not. Attacking Strife was the only part that Fleshy knew about and retaliated for, but you aren't technically allowed to even be here at all. We've been full-scale cheating since the moment you opened the door for us.

That's not a complaint. I'm down for more cheating. I love cheating when the recipient is an asshole. Just saying.

Oh, that is super-cheating. There's putting a hand on the scale, and then there's throwing out the scale and leaving a sticky note that reads "Measures fine to me" in its place.

Starting with Team Zale. I am not here, but I'm with them in spirit. We've seen this type of crystal structure in the Moorlands before but never quite figured out how to crack it. Looks like Zale's going to have to solve that problem, because that's clearly Zephyr right there.

Unfortunately for everyone who is not my team (scientifically proven to be the best team), they're going to have to deal with the Garl problem we had back on Wraith Island. I took Yoyo's Eye with me, so I get to see HP totals and weak points, but y'all just have to deal.

Flying through jetstreams looks extremely fun and I'm jealous. However, we have more important business to attend to because it's Story Time by proxy.

Those are the guys who came up with the elemental ritual that Garl's now cooking up. They've been mentioned a couple times now; The Sleeper's fable lamented their absence for this exact reason, and Yoyo's got one of her prophecy books about them.

So the Ovates created the golems. But the golems know Resh'an as their master. Is he an Ovate? Did he create the Ovates and was involved enough in their society that their workings know and revere him? There's a piece of my understanding still missing here.

The early days of travel golems must have been wild. How many lives do you think were sacrificed on the altar of slight miscalculations or errors in the trajectory alignment?

Oh, Khukharr is uniquely self-aware. That's good to know. Probably because his task isn't just about playing catch with people's lives. He also has to hold up an island for some reason.

What would happen if was submerged in the floodwaters? It has that barrier.... Would the barrier have kept the water out, allowing the Acolytes to use the place for cultivating Strife but leaving us no avenue to interrupt them?

Or would it have flooded completely, destroying Clockwork Castle and everyone inside of it, and forcing the Acolytes to choose a different location for Strife's cultivation? One where we would not have access to Cael's Eclipse Cannon, and thus would be slaughtered by Strife immediately?

Aha, and that's where Resh'an comes in.

"It needs to be sentient but I can't figure out how to make that happen. I guess someone will solve it eventually. Next project: Colossal sky people who have to somehow navigate an itty-bitty living space. It will be hilarious."

A task they now perform. Implication that the Council is lateral to TIA/Fleshy and all the Solstice stuff. Eclipse magic is super strong for reasons nobody quite knows yet but that TIA eagerly capitalizes on. TIA and Fleshy are multiversal immortals waging conflict across the myriad realities TIA broke up. And the Council are supreme terrestrial authorities. None of these are beholden to any of the others; They simply are.

Still need answers on what the flood's about. It's been mentioned repeatedly but. Like. Why was there a flood? What happened to cause the sea level to rise, and why could it not be avoided or prevented by any means despite extensive future sight?

I imagine every timeline probably has something to that effect.

That closes out the question of how the Ovates and TIA relate to each other. They don't; TIA just happens to have Khukharr's allegiance because he took the project on as a contract assignment.

Though the fact that they were carrying out visions from a dream feels eerily similar to how Mooncradle was constructed, so I don't think it was by coincidence that the Great Eagle just happened to come by and finish Khukharr for them.

Okay but from a historical perspective, I think we can safely assume that it did.

I mean. Khukharr's been dead for 150 years but he's still standing, is the point. His corpse is still supporting Mesa Island long after his passing. So I think we can call that a resounding success. 12/10 Vastly Exceeds Expectations.

Given how hard it was to persuade him to let us onto Mesa Island, we can also conclude that his stubbornness warrants the title as well.

This fable is about Khukharr but, really, it's about the Ovate statues as a whole. A nice lump summary of the throwers, Khkuharr, and the Cloud Giants.

Though it leaves me wondering if the Cloud Giants are AI. The myth said they had trouble creating sentience but also that they made the Cloud Giants, who seem to be sentient. Unless they aren't sentient....

Fuck, are we doing all this to earn the approval of ChatGPT?

[ofstormsandfire]

9 & 10 for the ask game?

9: do you have any vague ideas for fics you might want to start in the future?

I have too many ideas for fics I might want to start in the future. all things considered I think my new years resolution is going to be to actually finish some of the ones I've already started.

send help. (or a fandom I'm into, if you want me to drop some actual ideas-)

10: how long have you been working on your current wip?

...which one. I have Multiple.

the main one at the moment is probably there's blood on your lies, a pokemon fanfic featuring cynthia punted a few hundred years into the past into the plot of pokemon legends arceus, which I've been working on since like... last? february? yeah according to ao3 that's when I posted the first chapter so. close enough. it's an absolute monster of a fic by multiple metrics.

the other fic I'm actively working on currently is called no one ever mentions fear, it was supposed to be my nanowrimo project, I hit 50k and wasn't done and I know from experience that if I just stop writing at the end of nano I just. won't ever bother to finish the fic.

that one's a fanfic for legend of zelda breath of the wild, in which I bonked my blorbo bird (blorbird, if you will) with the "amnesia," "character development," and "tragic backstory" sticks in no particular order. technically I only started writing that one at the beginning of november, but I was planning quite extensively for it during most of october, and it's a fic that I got the idea for a very long time ago and never actually wrote until much more recently.

I. am not actually sure exactly how long ago I got the idea for that fic, but I can tell you it has definitely been years. probably three. I remember thinking about it when I was visiting my stepfather and I haven't spoken to that man willingly in over a year, never mind set foot in the same state as him.

another wip I have, which I haven't done too much with in an embarrassingly long time but am co-writing with @thegreatandpowerfulversy, is a series of fics called Under a Broken Moon, which started when I realized that mantle in v7 of rwby in that first establishing shot really reminded me of warframe fortuna, and we consequently came up with backstories for rwby versions of all the fortuna characters, and from there it's just expanded into multiple main fics including such fun things like vox faunus in lieu of vox solaris, sienna khan cheating death with great glee, and the grineer causing Problems in vacuo.

that one, I can pinpoint when it started, because I still have the original prologue saved that never actually made it onto ao3. Vox Faunus was the first fic written in that series, back before I ended up bouncing so many ideas off of kira there that she eventually became an outright co-author. and that was originally written back in january of 2020.

anyway, those are the main wips I have at the moment, unless I'm forgetting something. I really hope I'm not forgetting something because three wips is a little much and I really, really want to get it down to two sooner rather than later.

girl help.

the relevant ask game, if you're curious?

[dine-on-nervine]

What Happened In the Past Year???

How many relationships were you in? There were two. Rang out the old, rang in the new.

What did you do for Valentine's day? Not much, the celebration part was the following weekend.

Did you recieve your driver's license? Renewed it.

Did you graduate high school? I'm not in Club Penguin.

Did you graduate college? I predate the World Wide Web.

Did you move out on your own? No.

Did you get arrested? No.

Did you get a speeding ticket? No, but that's not saying I didn't deserve a few.

What was the best thing you got for Christmas? A blue tin of buttons and sewing notions cookies.

Did you fall in love? I certainly fell into it.

Did you become an aunt or an uncle? Not by my neices and nephews AFAIK.

Did you have a baby? Nope.

Did you get engaged? I got disengaged!

Did you get married? Nope.

Did someone close to you die? No, however my best friend's mother passed so "close of close".

How many funerals did you go to? Zero. Because the deceased requested only family attend her funeral. I had permission from my friend, but I respected her wishes.

How many weddings? Zero.

Did you turn 18? Not even mentally.

Did you turn 21? Quite awhile ago.

Did you turn 30? Also not a recent event.

Did you have a car accident? No, but by damn the roads and weather wanted me to recently.

Were you old enough to vote this year? This question was technically answered four questions ago.

How many jobs did you have throughout the year? Just the one I've had for three years.

Did you get a new pet? Nope.

Did you get cheated on? I can't prove that happened, so I'm just going to say "no, but I did have a girlfriend that swapped her boyfriend for a daughter-in-law" which can be demonstrated.

Did you cheat on someone? I am very proud to say Nope.

Did you start at a new school? Never again.

Did you make any new friends? I guess my girlfriend I met in November counts.

Did you get a new car? Nope, but I did just buy duct tape for the one I own!

Did you drastically change your hairstyle? Nope.

Did you go out of the country? Yes, I was in Canada in October.

Did you keep your last New Year's resolution? Half of them.

What was the best movie you saw in theaters? Not sure I ever went to the theatre this last year.

What was the best book you read? I still haven't finished "Shady Characters".

What was your greatest accomplishment? Bouncing back.

What was the best cd released this year? Depeche Mode "Memento Mori".

Did you get a new tattoo? Yes! Thanks for asking! After a decade of plotting it, I finally got the 1919 Oliver Printype #9's semicolon on my left ankle about twenty times larger than life.

A new piercing? Nope.

Are you still dating the same person you dated at the start of the year? Nah, she ditched me on October 5. Life goes on without her.

The Lasts of the Past

How old were you on your last birthday? I am surprised I didn't receive a "hey dude!" from AARP.

Who was your last kiss? Tanya.

Who was the last person to tell you "I love you"? Tanya.

Who was the last person you spoke to in person? My landlady, because I wanted to get clearance for Tanya to come over for the night day after tomorrow.

Who was your last missed call? I'd have to look but I don't think I've missed any calls lately.

Who was your last phone call to? Tanya.

[timbrrwolfe]

Just a little mainline Zelda game tier list. Figured I'd make it now for posterity as I intend to (eventually, at some point) play through more of the series, and I wanted to have a record of where stuff stood in my mind before playing. TL;DR I have a bias for both 2D zeldas and newer games in general. Longer explanations under the cut for anybody who wants to read my ramblings

The Oracles games are my favorites, with Ages being one of the first games I ever beat, especially without cheating (though I did use a game guide. Miss those things, honestly. Online walkthroughs just aren't the same). Breath of the Wild does a lot of things right but there are some things that very much annoy me (weapon degradation being the main issue that some of the other issues kind of have their roots in), but overall it's a pretty good time. Ignore that I'm technically about halfway through it and still want to finish it before Tears of the Kingdom comes out even though I don't expect to get that right away (because money). Link to the Past is the only other one I've actually played at length, and despite never finishing it, it was a pretty good time. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I played the GBA port. Just not quite as good as the others, though it's been a few years since I played it so maybe I'll replay it before I redo the tier list. TotK does look interesting, and while it still keeps the weapon degradation it's got some stuff to mitigate that (hopefully), so I'm definitely interested in getting it. Link Between Worlds is very much on my radar but that's gonna require me to pick up (ideally) a New 3DS/XL(LL) since my own 3DS XL broke years back and I missed it at the time. Minish Cap has been on my list for a while, and I even played a little bit of it but got distracted and haven't gone back to it. Still, I expect if I give it a proper chance I'll enjoy it, and I intend to do that some point soon. Link to the Past I also wanna get to, though I'm not sure which version I'll do. Maybe I'll get the Switch version and play through the OG first to see how it compares.

Windwaker honestly probably should be in the middle haven't played tier, on further reflection. I haven't played it but honestly I've seen a lot of it played so I don't think it would hold my attention to play through it myself. Also it seems like a refinement of OoT and MM which is both good and bad. Twilight Princess through Spirit Tracks I don't know a ton about but what I've seen of gameplay or heard about them haven't really appealed much to me. The Four Swords Adventures games I basically know nothing about, and Triforce Quest I know even less about.

It's a bit disingenuous to say I haven't played some of the games in the final tier, but I definitely haven't put much time into them. I gave OoT something like 20 minutes years after it's initial release but I think I missed the boat on how stunning it was to have huge 3D environments after years of smaller 2D games. So without that aspect of spectacle the gameplay didn't grab me much in the short time I spent with it. Maybe if I had played it alongside, for instance, Banjo Tooie, I'd feel differently about it (since I enjoy Banjo Tooie a lot despite being similar games outside of the tones and details) Majora's Mask is basically just more of Ocarina of Time, with a more sinister atmosphere. So, similar issues, with the added obstacle for me in that it's a game with a countdown, which give me hives. I've also seen at least parts of these games played so it's not like I have 0 idea what they're like. Having said that I'm not completely closed off to the idea of playing certain versions of the games. (Unofficial PC port of OoT, 3DS remakes of both) Zelda 2 I gave about 10 minutes, had no idea what i was supposed to be doing, and never went back to it. The OG is a similar story. Plus, as I said, I am very biased against older games in general. I don't play games to overcome difficulty (if it's fun I'll push through a challenge until I beat it but a lot of older games are hard without being fun. So.)

Just my personal thoughts on the series. I like certain kinds of things and not other things.

[irisseireth]

For the Silm asks: 6 (👀), 13, 20, please!

6. Best m/f ship?

You already know the answer to this one, but I feel like I'm cheating if I say Andreth/Aegnor, since they aren't even on the published silm, and THAT'S A TRAVESTY. I have so many thoughts and feelings on this pairing that it would require its own post (or blog lmao).

If we don't count them I'm not very emotionally invested in the canon ships of the Silmarillion, to be quite honest. I do like the interracial pairings though: Beren/Lúthien, Idril/Tuor. I am also quite intrigued by the dynamics of Finarfin/Eärwen.

A non canon m/f ship I quite enjoy is Elendil/Tar-Míriel, both as one-sided when they were young, or in an AU where Míriel survives. I also enjoy the dramatics of Tar-Míriel/Sauron, as in both pretend to like each other to further their political goals, but in truth absolutely detest each other.

13. Where in Middle-Earth would you most like to live?

Is it cheating if I say Númenor? Since it's not technically Middle Earth but... it is supposed to be paradise, a variety of climates and ecosystems, always near the sea, and at least until they started getting weird with the human sacrifices, a peaceful and prosperous place to live. Early Númenor would be my first choice.

The second option would obviously be the Shire, for similar reasons: peaceful and prosperous, apparently quite nice weather. Points deducted for being far from the sea.

Other places I'm curious about and would visit, but probably not live: Gondor (too close to Mordor), Arnor (while it existed), Lindon (Gil-Galad seemed like a pretty chill guy who would allow other races into his realm), Laketown (the Venice of Middle Earth!), Gondolin (if it were possible to get an exit visa lmao), and Nargothrond (what? I'm curious).

20. Funniest moment in the Silm?

It has to be the moment Beren tells Thingol he has a Silmaril in his hand, but it just happens that his hand is not here. Gotta love Beren, what a legend.

Silmarillion asks

[missymurphy1985]

The Return

It's been 2 years since you were last in Dublin. 2 years since you up and left without warning, saying goodbye to your life there and restarting somewhere completely new. Sometimes, you have to go backwards in order to move forwards.

Requested by @noctvrnalmoth I hope you like it!

*Featuring Jim from the Delinquent Season*

Stepping off the train into the platform, you sighed. It all looked the same, and yet so different. Pulling the buggy open, you gently strapped your sleeping son in and made your way to the taxi rank, your suitcase trailing behind you. A kind lady helped you with your bags and waited with you for an available taxi.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders there, are you okay?" She sat next to you on the bench as your son murmured adorably in his sleep. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry..."

"No don't be sorry.. just been a long time since I came back here is all. Few loose ends to tie up." You glanced at your son's sleepy features as his eyes started to open. Beautiful, ocean blue eyes alongside his dark hair, growing more every day... The memories of that night flooding back before you took a large gulp of water from the bottle in your bag, forcing them back down. You'd done so well... 2 years and you'd built a new life in London. New friends, amazing new job allowing you to put that degree in marketing to good use - you were finally making a complete fresh start. But the secrets you had buried deep inside kept coming to the surface the more your son grew. He deserved to know his roots, who his father was, you knew that, but you couldn't do it.

Choking a tear back, you thanked the kind lady for helping you as a taxi pulled up and she helped you to get in.

Pulling up outside your cousin Natalie's townhouse in the city centre, she was waiting for you at the gate to help with Jackson and your bags. Grinning from ear to ear she pulled you in for a huge hug once you'd got inside and settled on her couch as Jackson sat in this new lady's lap tugging at her earrings.

"I can't believe I'm only just meeting him y/n.. he's the image of you!!" She kissed his cheek, bringing him up to look at him properly for the first time not over Skype.

"I never see it, I just see.... I just see him I guess..." You mind wandered to the man you actually saw, but you didn't let it slip.

"Those EYES!!! So blue and vibrant, just beautiful!" Natalie was swooning now, she'd never seen eyes that blue on a baby. Your eyes were brown, so he clearly inherited them from his father, although you had never revealed his identity - just a drunken one night stand and he wasn't involved. You weren't lying, technically...

After catching up properly, Natalie told you she'd planned a few people coming over to welcome you back that evening - nothing major, just a few friends from years ago that were keen to see you after so long away.

"Oh.. yes, that would be nice... Um, who's coming?"

"Well I think David and Amanda, possibly Caroline.. I think Liam is asking Jim too but I'm not sure if he's up for it - he's been through a tough time lately.." you caught a gasp in your throat at the sound of his name. Last you heard, through Natalie, he and Danielle were going through a rough patch. Cheating accusations on both sides, they'd agreed to a trial separation. "Apparently she isn't as broken hearted as once thought - already shacked up with someone new, fancy house on the coast, new Jag on the driveway, she's doing quite well for herself!" Your chin began to wobble, not unnoticed by Natalie, who placed Jackson in his bouncer on the floor and moved to place a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm fine Nat, honestly I'm good. It was a long time ago, things have changed. I'm not that silly little girl with a crush anymore..." Natalie looked into your eyes. Nothing ever got past her.

"Y/n.. when I said I'd never seen eyes that blue, I meant on a baby. Only one person I know has eyes like that, and I think you know too. Tell me the truth, please?" You were frozen, until tears escaped and you couldn't stop them. Jackson looked to see his mum crying and began crying too. Scooping him up, you held him close.

"It happened once... Just once Nat... And he doesn't know and he doesn't need to know, let's just leave it there, yeah?"

"What?? This is Jim's son? I was almost kidding y/n... How could you keep this from him for 2 years??" She was stood up now in complete shock. Jim wasn't just her friend, he was her husband's brother - this made things even more intense. The atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

"Please Nat... This wasn't easy okay? I was 21, I slept with a married man, and I got pregnant... Then mum died.. I had to go back to London to sort out the funeral and the will... I didn't want to be seen as the homewrecker that got herself knocked up..."

"And what about Jackson? Doesn't he deserve to know his father?"

"Of course... And he would.. when I was ready Nat. And I'm not ready..."

"Not ready for what?" Liam, Natalie's husband was stood in the doorway, as you heard the front door close. Now standing next to him was the man you were desperately trying to avoid... Jim stood behind him, eyes wide at the sight of you with a baby in your arms.

"Baby, we need to go pick up that delivery from the post office, remember the one we missed last week?" Natalie pulled a confused Liam out of the room, leaving his brother and you alone.

"Y/n... Hey.. um.. how are you?" You tried to smile in response but your heart was pounding in your chest, you could barely breathe.

"I.. yeah.. um, yeah I'm okay.." you glanced down at his hand.. the wedding ring was gone. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Olivia..."

"Probably for the best eh... We weren't exactly getting along, just stayed together for the kids I think. They're older now though, they're fine. Y/n.. where did you go? Why did you go?"

"My mum was ill... She'd had a stroke and they couldn't save her, I had to go... I just stayed.. and things happened.."

"You had a baby..." He looked at the little boy in your arms, feeling extremely nervous now. "He must be just over a year old, right?" You nodded.

"13 months.."

"And we... We had sex y/n.. the day before you left..." His own breath was faltering now as the dates in his mind started to catch up. Again, you nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. The realisation of what was happening dawned on Jim. He started to back away, before shaking his head and storming out of the house, the door slamming behind him making you and your son jump.

Your sobs came out in full force now, Liam and Natalie coming back into the room. Liam took Jackson into the kitchen to find him something to eat as Natalie held you.

"It's okay y/n... Give him time yeah? Poor guys just had the shock of his life, he'll come round." Your heart was sinking.. you hadn't meant for any of this to happen, but here it was. The memory of that afternoon had never left you, you hadn't even been able to move on - your son, for starters, looked just like him, how could you find love with anyone with the constant reminder of the man you'd never have around you 24/7.

Flashback

"I'm so sorry Jim, I didn't know who else to call..." You climbed into his car, cheeks burning as he picked you up from outside the pharmacy. You'd been walking along the road when a pothole in the pavement took you by surprise and you'd tripped, your ankle turning funny - the pain was horrific, but no one seemed to be answering your phone calls when you rang around for someone to come pick you up. Reluctantly, you'd dialled Jim's number, your cousin's brother in law. He'd given you his number the previous week, after offering to help you move into your new apartment later that month.

"No problem, I was just dropping the kids at school so I was only round the corner." He helped you into the car and drove you back to his house. "I figured your place is in boxes, no chance of a first aid kit either, I'm guessing?"

"No," You laughed. "Thank you so much.." you grimaced as you turned your foot round, trying to ease the pain.

"Definitely not broken, just need to rest it. I'll put the kettle on." Jim led you into the kitchen and sat you down at the kitchen table, and grabbed an ice pack from the fridge. Lifting your leg onto the chair opposite, he placed the ice pack onto your ankle. "Feeling okay?" He asked, flicking the kettle on and preparing two mugs of coffee.

"Much better.. thank you." Definitely better.. the physical contact from him was driving you insane, you had to swallow the blushes in your cheeks, praying he hadn't noticed.

"I've only got instant coffee... Hope that's okay - Danielle won't let me buy a coffee machine." He rolled his eyes. His wife was one of the tightest women he'd ever met.

"It's fine, thank you.. and I honestly can't thank you enough for coming to get me.. I can't believe how clumsy I am!"

"Hey those pavements are a nightmare - I'm surprised no one's broken a leg yet! Don't you be moving now, I'll take you back home once that swelling has gone down."

"How did you know how to fix it all?"

"I have a son, y/n, who at one stage a few years ago thought he was an actual superhero and would fling himself off anything to check if he could fly.. you learn the difference between a broken ankle and a twisted one pretty quick!" He laughed, remembering the time his son climbed the tallest tree in the park, giving him a heart attack before throwing himself from the top - luckily Jim caught him before he hit the floor.

"I think it's better now, Jim, I can try and walk." You said, after chatting for a while in the large kitchen.

"Let me help you.." he held your hands and guided you upright, your chests now pressed together as you placed your foot gingerly on the floor, testing it's strength. Stumbling slightly, Jim caught you, your bodies now even closer together. You could feel his heart racing, could he feel yours? His hands wrapping around yours, holding you up, an arm snaking round your waist. You looked up and found him looking right back at you, your face inches from his. Before you had time to think, you kissed him, before quickly pulling back.

"Shit I'm sorry... Oh god.. no... I'm sorry..." He took your hand in his and pulled you back to him, pressing his lips back to yours. This time you didn't pull back, your mouth opening allowing his tongue to dance against yours. Lifting you up, he sat you on top of the counter, his hands roaming your body hungrily.

"I can't... I shouldn't..." He murmured against your neck, the vibrations driving you wild with need. "You're so fucking beautiful y/n..." He ground your hips against yours, you could feel his erection through his jeans as you reached down to cup it through them, kneading it slightly. He growled, pulling your hand up to his chest, his heart hammering underneath his shirt. "You feel that? Feel how fast that's going?" Silently you took his hand and placed against your chest.

"Feel mine...." You pushed his hand down lower.. over your breast... Down your stomach and under the waistband of your skirt. His fingers found your folds, and he gasped your name. "I'm wet... I'm so fucking wet..." Lifting your skirt up, he pulled your underwear down. You relieved him of his jeans and they fell to the floor, revealing no underwear, just his huge, hard cock already leaking.

"I see you are too..." You ran a finger along the slit, taking some of the precum and lifting it to your mouth. "You taste good..."

"You want this...?" He asked, lining himself up against you. You nodded, and he pushed in easily, you gasped his name and threw your head back as he filled you completely. Pulling on your hips, he rocked you against him as he moved his own hips back and forth, fucking you against the countertop. You legs wrapped round his waist as his thrusts came harder, deeper, faster.

"Fuck... Right there... Jim... Oh god...." He bit down on your exposed neck, hands pushing against your still covered breasts, he moaned.

"Feels so good y/n... You feel so good... That's it baby, I need to feel you... Cum for me..." You leaned back, and eyes locked with his you drew a hand down to circle your clit as he moved inside you.

"Gonna make myself cum on you... Gonna cum hard for you... Faster Jim..." He pounded into you now, your moans echoing through the kitchen as you came over him, his release following seconds later. Both of you leaned your heads together as your worlds came back into focus.

Present Day

"Hey."

"Hey.." you'd agreed to meet Jim for a coffee a few days later. He'd called you the evening before, slightly tipsy which made you chuckle. Liam and Natalie were watching Jackson while the two of you caught up.

"How's the hangover?" You smiled, he grimaced.

"Well I've definitely felt fresher.. it was a bit of a shock y/n..."

"Listen.. for what it's worth.. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 20weeks. With the stress of losing mum and the funeral, I hadn't had a period for a while but I thought it was just the stress.. then my friend convinced me to take a test and the doctors confirming it.. it was too late to do anything about it.. then I heard you and Danielle were trying for another baby and I just couldn't do it Jim.. I couldn't destroy your life like that.." your hands were shaking. He leaned over and took your hands in his.

"I understand y/n.. I do. I spent most of this week thinking about it. I don't blame you for what you did.. but I do wish you'd told me."

"I'd done enough damage Jim, sleeping with a married man? On his kitchen counter where he makes his kids breakfast? Where his wife makes her coffee in the morning? I couldn't face you.. I couldn't face what I'd done.."

"You know where my wife was, that morning?" He leaned back, smiling a little. "At her office, bent over the desk while her boss fucked her from behind. She called my number by accident while it happened. I didn't answer, obviously, I was busy.. but my voicemail picked up the whole thing. I'd had my suspicions for a long time, but that confirmed it. We were never trying for another baby - that's just what she told people to distract them from the fact we were clearly falling apart at the seams. Couldn't exactly be mad at her after what I'd done with you though."

"Did you tell her?"

"Yes, but she didn't know it was you. Then you up and left.. I thought there was no need to tell her who it was. I guess now we kinda have to, right?"

"Jim, I don't expect anything from you, okay? I have an inheritance from my mum, I'm fine for money, there's no need to be involved if it'll cause you problems.."

"No. You've kept him from me for nearly 2 years y/n, don't do this again, please? I'm not asking you to move in, I'm not asking for a relationship, I just want to get to know our boy.. that's all.. please?" You saw it in his eyes. It was there, for all to see. Was it love?

"I'll call Nat.. ask her to bring him over, maybe we could go for a walk?" Jim smiled, nodding. You made the call, and an hour later you were walking to the local park, Jim pushing the stroller. He took Jackson out of the buggy and placed him inside a baby swing, pushing him gently while pulling silly faces making him giggle. Your heart swelled watching them.

"He's incredible.. those eyes.."

"Your eyes, Jim." He looked up at you and smiled listening to his son's giggle, before he started becoming grouchy again.

"He's teething... Come on little man, let's get you back shall we?" Jim lifted him from the swing and placed his little finger in Jackson's mouth. He responded by sucking his gums along it, finding relief. You smiled, watching Him soothe your son's whimpers of pain as his teeth came through.

Making your way inside Natalie's house, you were surprised to find it empty. A note on the kitchen counter read that they'd gone out for the afternoon, they wouldn't be home until the evening. You warmed a bottle of milk for Jackson as Jim gave him some Calpol. Taking the bottle from you, he fed his son, as you watched, heart pounding as you watched the man you were still in love with take such good care of your baby. Within 15 minutes, Jackson was fed and had been rocked to sleep in his father's arms, you took him and placed him upstairs in his cot to nap. You knew he'd be out for at least an hour after all that fresh air. Walking back into the lounge, you found Jim sat on the sofa waiting for you.

"Come here, y/n..." You sat next to him as he turned to face you, hand gently caressing your cheek. "What are we going to do now?"

"I'm heading back to London tomorrow Jim..." His eyes glistened slightly. He'd just found his son, and now he was going again. He'd just got you back in his life, and now you were disappearing again...

"What can I do to make you stay?" His question took you by surprise. Stay?

"Jim, I..."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you.. about what happened 2 years ago. How long I'd wanted you, how long I'd dreamt of you, how I still dream of you even now.. and we share a son y/n.. I can't let you go again, it'd break me.."

"I'm half your age Jim! I'm barely older than your eldest child, how can this possibly work?" He answered with a kiss. Leaning forward to take your mouth against his, without thinking you returned it, linking your fingers with his as he pulled you into his lap.

"It'll work because we'll make it work.. nothing else matters.. all of that other stuff is irrelevant.." he felt you grind your hips against his and his erection was burning against his jeans. He needed you, now.

"And Danielle?"

"Is fucking a man old enough to be her own father - opinion invalid. I don't care about her, I care about you.. please.." he was aware of how desperate he sounded but he didn't care. He had his hand under your t-shirt against your breast, no bra in the way this time. Lifting you up, he carried you upstairs to the guest room you were staying in, and laid you down softly on the bed underneath him.

"Birth control?" He looked at you, smiling.

"The coil - don't worry, I'm covered this time.." You smiled back as he lifted your t-shirt over your head and kissed you again. The reason for being at the pharmacy 2 years ago was to collect your prescription for the pill - you'd not taken it for a couple of days after running out suddenly. After Jackson was born, you switched to a more efficient form of birth control.

Pulling your skirt down and off, along with your underwear, he nestled his face between your thighs, now parted by his hands.

"I want you to watch me y/n... Watch me as I make you cum..." Your core burning, you raised yourself up on your elbows as he blew a hot breath against your wet folds, causing you to shiver under him. He parted your lips with his fingers, before licking from your pulsing hole up to your clit, finding a rhythm that made you cry out and shudder underneath his tongue. Smiling, groaning into you, you tried to keep your eyes on him as he licked and sucked your throbbing clit in his mouth.

"Jim.. don't stop.. oh god..." You hadn't had sex since that afternoon 2 year ago, no one being good enough to compete with the man currently buried between your legs. No pleasure you'd given yourself since was a patch on this, and you felt that burning feeling in your stomach starting to rise. "I'm close... Mm... Fuck I'm close..." Your words barely a whisper but he heard them, pushing harder with his tongue as a finger entered you, hooking upwards to find that spot inside, the one you didn't think actually existed, but there it was.. you bucked against his mouth, coming hard and fast - you felt your liquids gush over his chin, there was no stopping them... "Aha... Oh god Jim... Fuck... Stop, it's too much..." He smiled, blowing another warm breath over you before moving back to your mouth. You could taste yourself on his lips, turning you on even more.

Flipping him onto his back, you lifted his clothes off him and kissed down his chest. Your core needed a breather before you took him inside you. Licking the top of his now rock hard cock, you slowly sank your lips down, taking him fully inside your mouth. You'd never had a strong gag reflex, and you enjoyed the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat.

"Holy fuck... Jesus y/n... That's it baby..." Up and down your head bobbed, swapping between hard and light sucks, your teeth gently scraping the underside of his cock and your fingers lightly playing with his balls underneath you. Every time you felt them tighten, you'd ease off, allowing him to catch his breath, before bringing him into your mouth again. After a few near explosions, he couldn't take anymore and lifted you off motioning for you to sit on him. "Ride me y/n..." You smiled, and sank your pussy onto him, allowing him to fill you. Slowly so as to adjust to his length, your hips moved, back and forth, up and down, finding the right rhythm for you both. He sat up, chests together and his hands under your thighs as he rotated his hips from underneath, driving his cock against that magical spot again.

"Yes... God that feels good... Jim..."

"I'm not gonna last long y/n..."

"That's okay.. we've got plenty of time to make up for this... Cum in me, give me all of you..." You felt his cock twitch inside you as he moved your hips faster. Leaning back, you rode him hard, the bed frame squeaking underneath as you both cried out, your climaxes arriving simultaneously. Coming back to rest your head against his, you clenched your core once more causing him to gasp as you drew yourself off him slowly. Lay down next to each other, he pulled you into his arms.

"Did you mean what you said?" He asked, kissing your head gently. "Plenty of time?"

"I meant it, Jim... I need to get back to London to sort a few things, put my flat up for sale.. my job... But yes. If you'll have us, we'll come back.." you looked into his eyes. He lifted your head to kiss you and you felt it. All the love you thought you'd never find, in the man you thought you'd never find it with.

Everything was going to be fine, you couldn't wait to start your life over again, this time for the last time.

@margoo0 @queenshelby @peakyscillian @cloudofdisney @ntmynouis @being-worthy

[theresnosinlondon]

Don’t Do It For Me - h.s. (part 2)

The one where Harry’s still kind of a friend and more complications occur. (2.4k)

Quite a short part 2. Anyone want part 3? xx

Part 1

The Green Leaf café at 8:30 am tomorrow? x

I wasn’t sure if I was expecting his text or not. The half plan was made before we were drunk and before the mess that ensued later that evening.

I remembered everything, which, sure, reminded me to sort out a plan B pill because the last thing I needed to happen was to get pregnant from a drunken hook up with a famous friend who was in a relationship with someone else, but it also drove me to give useless, mean glares to the spot on my couch we were perched on for a short few minutes.

As bitter as it made me, I had to face the fact that yes, I was a single woman who was technically free to hook up with whoever I pleased, but I, nonetheless, participated in cheating on Jess. I didn’t know how Harry felt after he left, as there has been radio silence between us, until he texted me Sunday evening, confirming the plans for the next morning.

See you then.

I wanted for him to get the hint that we needed to talk about it.

——

Unexpectedly, Harry arrived at the cafe first. He was usually the one that showed up at least ten minutes late to any kind of gathering.

I pushed the door open and made my way to the table he usually occupied whenever he visited the little cafe. Setting my handbag on the circular table, I made eye contact with him and, noting the absence of any kind of beverage, I spoke up. “The usual?”

His eyes held my gaze for a few, long seconds, an unreadable expression on his face. “I’ve ordered for us already, they’ll bring our drinks to the table.”

Harry’s voice was as monotone as his expression. I pulled back the chair across from his and took a seat, sliding my phone in my bag and hanging it on the back of my chair.

Heaving a sigh I addressed him. “Thanks.” I nodded, keeping my gaze on the table.

“How are you?” He leaned his elbows on the wooden surface and linked his hands, thumbs rolling the rings on his knuckles. “I’m sorry I haven’t reached out.”

“I think we should cut the chit chat off. You’ve had two days to sit on it, so what are you thinking now?” My patience was wearing thin and the meaningless small talk was not getting us anywhere.

He pursed his lips, bringing his stare to mine and mulling over his answer. “I honestly don’t know.” He rubbed a and down his face. “Jess came back last night, asked to have dinner, but I couldn’t even think about looking her in the eyes, knowing what I’ve done.”

“What we have done.” I corrected him. “As much as I regret what happened, we were both consensual. But what I want to know is what are you going to do now. Are you going to tell her?”

Harry’s eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip. “I should..” his voice trailed off as if he just started thinking about the repercussions of our actions. “Are you on birth control?”

“No, but I've sorted myself out, don't worry.” Took him long enough to remember we had unprotected sex.

“I’m so sorry, I should've asked you sooner.” His furrowed brows and guilty expression didn't faze me, I was looking after myself and my future. I was not ready for a messy pregnancy. “And I promise, I'm clean.”

“Yeah, same.” I gave him a tight smile. “So, are you going to tell Jess?”

He groaned, closing his eyes and massaging his temple as if a headache was soon to take over his head.

I knew I was being a hypocrite, going against everything I’ve been preaching for the longest time, but seeing the anguish on his face and realising that it might’ve really just been a fluke in his judgment, I gave the advice I never thought I would.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

The look of surprise would’ve been entertaining and made me laugh, hadn’t the situation been a complete shit show. “What?”

“Do you still want to be with her? Do you genuinely regret what happened? Do you love her?” I fired off the relevant questions.

“I mean..” His voice sounded unsure, so I gave him a stern look, encouraging him to snap out of it. “I..”

“Harry, for fuck’s sake!” I leaned in, trying to keep my voice down. “I'm trying to help you out here!”

“I know, I just.. I don't know.” His timid voice said.

I blinked at him, completely bewildered by his sudden reluctance. “Have you guys been having issues?”.

“No, but we've been together less than a year and it feels like we're stuck in the same routine. I don't see us moving much forward with it, to be completely honest.” Harry huffed as if a weight has been lifted off his chest. “I don't think I see a future with Jess.”

“So, you're essentially wasting both of your time?” I couldn't help but frown at him. One of the qualities I've picked up about Harry’s personality is that he would never settle to do something he didn't want to - in his personal life, at least.

“What if I'm just not meant to be in a relationship?” His gaze stayed glued to the table.

“What now?”

“I mean, I've always thought of myself as a relationship type of person. But what if I'm just not?” His eyes connected with mine with a certain intensity that left me confused. “Here I am, with a perfectly fine relationship and at the first opportunity, I go and sleep with someone else.”

I knew I shouldn't have taken it personally. Someone else. He didn't mean it in a dismissive, impersonal way, but it still stung. So I took a deep breath, glanced at the ceiling and thanked the waiter who brought our coffees to the table.

“That sounds like a dilemma you'll have to sort on your own, mate.” Was the best thing I could think to say.

His dejected look made me rethink my statement.

“Look, I honestly thought you were happy with Jess. You get along and seem to have a very effortless relationship. You saying what you said just really surprised me.” I reached out and held my forgotten iced coffee. “Don’t blame your relationship for what happened. I guess we just chose to be two complete assholes that night.”

Harry’s chuckle made me smile. “Do you think I should tell her?”

“No.”

His raised eyebrows prompted me to continue.

“Usually, my first reaction would be to bully you into telling her, but if you're going to stay with her and see where the relationship is going, then I guess we can keep this between us and forget about it.”

His mouth pursed, his own hands stretched and engulfed his espresso with one hand, bringing it closer but made no move to take a sip. “Do you think I should stay with her?”

I didn't want to read too much into his question, but I couldn't help and wonder where all these doubts about his relationship came from. “She’s really nice, you'd be stupid to let her go.” I meant it wholeheartedly. “Now, I have to get going ‘cause I haven't started packing yet and I have to leave for the airport in a few hours.”

His hand shot out and held my wrist when I moved to stand, successfully keeping me in place, still sat across from him. His lips were pursed, eyebrows pinched and fingers warm on my skin. “Do you mind if I tag along? I can offer my excellent packing services.”

“I have literally witnessed you throw your belongings in a duffle bag one hour before your scheduled flight.” I managed to recover from his mood swings just enough to give the cheeky answer. “Plus, I think you should go and spend some time with Jess.”

He sighed as if done with the conversation. “She’s at work right now, I'll speak to her later tonight.” He downed his espresso and stood. “C’mon, let's go.”

——

My bedroom’s small chandelier was very dusty. Like, that kind of layer of dust that would probably fly everywhere if hit by a gust of wind. I needed to spring clean after coming back from visiting my family. I had to remember to pack the present I got for my nephews birthday on Saturday. That, and the mango flavoured candle to add to my mum’s collection.

My thoughts were interrupted by a kiss placed on my bare shoulder. My bare shoulder, connected to the rest of my naked body, only covered by my duvet. The duvet that was also covering Harry’s lower half. Harry’s naked lower half.

I was stupid. So, so, so stupid. But I was also only human and he was very cheeky, but also very physically close and one too many touches to my arm, my lower back, a stroke to his bicep, his chest. Suddenly we were in my bed.

At least we remembered to use a condom this time.

“Hey,” he whispered against my skin, followed by yet another peck. “We should finish packing.”

I let out of a breath I didn't realise I was holding, bit my lip and closed my eyes, holding the duvet to my chest. “Yes.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Of course I regret it, H. I've been cheated on before, it's not a great feeling. My morals are kicking my ass right about now.” Turning away from him, I sat at the edge of the mattress and reached for some clothes, slipping them on. I kept my back to him and heard him huff out a breath.

“I’m breaking up with her when I see her tonight.”

When I turned my head towards him, he was lying flat on his back, lower half still haphazardly covered by my duvet, eyes fixated on the ceiling - probably noticing the dust on the tiny chandelier.

“What?” I hooked one leg on the mattress to face him better. “Why?”

The guilt I felt before has tripled in size and I couldn’t help the feeling of dread at having aided him in making the decision.

“I thought about it on my way home after your birthday, then I was almost certain after our talk at the cafe. Now it’s just obvious. I can’t stay in a relationship after having cheated on her twice.” His tone was calm but his face was pensive.”It’s not fair to her.”

“I get it.” I felt selfish for asking, but I had to know if I had to steer clear of Jess for the foreseeable future. “Are you going to tell her the truth?”

“Some of it.” My eyes widened in fear, but then relaxed when he continued talking. “I’ll tell her how I don’t see it working, and that I want to concentrate on my work more for now.”

“That’s such a bullshit reason and you know it. You don’t have to be single to concentrate on work.”

“It’s all I could come up with.” He shrugged as if coming up with another reason why he wants to break up with his girlfriend didn’t matter to him. “At least we wouldn’t feel guilty doing this anymore.”

That got my attention. I frowned, hoping I understood him wrong. “Huh?”

“Well, I quite enjoy this thing between us.” He peered at me, taking in my unamused expression. “Don’t you?”

My thoughts were officially jumbled and I struggled to wrap my head around the fact that he’s including me in the reasons why he wants to break up with Jess.

“At the risk of sounding self-centred,” I made sure we were making strong eye contact, for him to understand how serious I was being. “Don’t do it for me.”

A moment of silence stretched between us, eyes still locked and his eyebrows raised slightly.

“At the risk of sounding like a dick,” he started. “I’m genuinely not.”

I blinked, kind of relieved. “Right.” I nodded. It was sort of presumptuous to think he would end a relationship for me.

“I meant what I said. Jess and I had a good time, but it never turned serious. I never met her family and she only met Gemma because she lives in London and I see her often.” He raised one shoulder in half a shrug. “I miss that specific type of connection with her.”

“Your timing is shit.” I chuckled. “Could’ve realised all of that before cheating on her.”

I stood up and headed to my closet, picking up clothes I wanted to pack. And carefully organised them in the suitcase, conscious of the time ticking by way too fast.

“Are you hungry?” Harry’s voice popped up, completely ignoring my last comment. His eyes were focused on his phone. “I can order some lunch?”

Glancing at the clock, I mentally sectioned off the time I needed to get to the airport, check-in my luggage, go through security, with ample time to browse the duty-free section. “Yeah, food would be great, thanks.”

“Food would be great.” He snickered, mocking me. “I always forget that English isn't your first language.”

“I didn’t say anything wrong.” I frowned at him - I took jabs at my knowledge of the English language very seriously. “Did I?”

He chuckled and shook his head at me. “You’re cute.” He really didn’t have to be so flirty. “Fancy a poke bowl? Salmon?”

“Ooh, yes, please!”

——

“Right, thanks for the coffee, lunch and the lack of help packing.” I flashed Harry a sarcastic smile as we stood by the door of my house, my Uber being three minutes away.

“Anytime.” He chuckled. “Have a great time with your family and send me pictures that will make me jealous. I’ll see you when you’re back, I guess.”

“Thank you, will do and yes.” I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his middle, him hugging my shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of my head. “Take care of yourself, please.”

We broke the hug as the Toyota Prius pulled up on the curb. Blocking my view of the car, Harry stepped in front of me, taking a step forward, he cornered me against my front door. I looked at him, confused until he leaned into me and pecked my parted lips. A quick, but strong kiss that left me bewildered, but regretfully wanting more as well.

I bit my lip and rolled my eyes at his cheeky smile. The bastard knew what he was doing.

I walked past him, suitcase in tow and with a quick goodbye to Harry, I boarded the Uber.

Part 3

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 6 (Bucky Barnes au)

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady"

Word count : 2061

Sleep didn't seem to come to you that night, and you didn't know whether the reason was the pizza you'd had for dinner, your husband's obvious neglect or your supposed soulmate sleeping in the same building. After tossing and turning in your bed for over three hours, you grabbed a pillow and a plaid, put on your slippers and went into the main kitchen. A herbal tea under the stars should  be a good way to help you sleep, right? You tried to stay as silent as you  could despite the boiling water in the kettle – you always refused to microwave water – and picked some chamomile infusion Wanda had chosen. With your cup in one  hand, you opened the picture window. One thing you liked about the compound was the few balconies it had : they weren't too big, but they were large enough for you to sit on a pillow and look at the stars, your back against the wall. You were once again trying to spot constellations,  the August sky being perfect for this kind of exercise.

"Can't sleep?"

You almost spilled your tea on your plaid.

"Sorry I scared you."

You smiled weakly at the man who'd just joined you. "It's fine. Wanna sit here with a fellow insomniac?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair before sitting on your left. His right arm brushed against your exposed skin and you tried to hide your shivers.

"What's keeping you up?" You ask. "I mean,  you obviously don't have to tell me."

"Nothing much. Some nightmares."

"Are they ones about...about the war?"  Your question startled him ; he shot you a  confused look as you lowered yours. "Sorry. Steve told me a few times about his best friend Bucky and I... I made the connection."

"I thought Steve avoided talking about those things."

"What? The way he lost you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, that was tactless."

"Don't worry about that." He looked at the sky, leaning his head against the wall. "Wanna tell me what's keeping you up?"

"Well, it's quite ridiculous really," you eluded.

"Steve told me why you're spending time here. Is it him that keeps you up at night?"

You sipped on your tea for a few seconds. "I guess so. It's just that I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong, you know? I must be doing something wrong."

You heard him take a breath, his shoulders raising with his chest. His arm against yours felt strange, in a good kind of way. You'd never felt so close to anyone in such a short amount  of time, and you wondered what made him so special aside from the meaningful tattoo you shared.

"I don't think you're to blame. Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry if I seem out of place, because we only met a week ago but..."

"You feel like I get you, right? Just  like I feel that you get me."

He nodded calmly. "He doesn't seem to realise who he was lucky enough to marry."

"Lucky, huh?"

You looked at him with a smile and had it not been so dark, you could've sworn a red tint had reached his cheeks. "You're hella smart," he explained. "And from what I've seen, you're kind."

"And you think that after two days with me?"

He shrugged and allowed himself a quiet laugh. "You let Sam get the last piece of pizza earlier. I would have never done that."

"True. That is my most selfless act ever." Jumping on his joke felt natural and as it turned out, he had a communicative laugh.

"Why  don't you laugh more often? I like it."

Bucky looked you  in the eyes, paralysing you with his blue pupils again. It seemed as if he was searching for what to say.

"There aren't a lot of things that make me laugh. You do, though."  This one didn't sound like a joke, and you placed your hand on his forearm, instantly sending a funny feeling down to your stomach.

"Consider me flattered," you said. "Can I ask you a question? Don't feel like you're forced to answer, though."

"Sure."

"I'm just curious, working in biochem and stuff... I'm basically the school nurse for theses guys," you explained. "So how does it feel, the metal arm? Do you...feel things the way you do with your right arm?"

He stopped for a moment. "I did not expect that question. That's a good surprise." He raised his left hand in front of him. "It's weird, actually. This one is really advanced. Shuri did an amazing job with it, but... sometimes I'll touch something and think I feel something. I know it's my brain playing tricks on me, but it's not that sentient. I feel pressure, tension...but not actual human sensations." He let his hand fall down on his knees.

"Do you miss it?"

"I got used to it. But yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Y/n, we met last week."

"I know! But like, it's not a 'do you trust me with your life' situation. Think of it as 'do you trust me with basic skills' kind of thing." You chuckled. "Now close your eyes."

Bucky gave in and you gently grabbed his metal hand. "What do you feel now?" you asked,  stroking the back of his hand.

"I know there's something on my hand. And I know it's harmless. But...nothing more, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's part of you."

"And you don't mind that?"

"Why would I?" you shrugged. "It's you."

"Even if I were to do this?" He slowly raised his hand, approaching your face. You let him place his hand on your cheek. It didn't feel like flesh and bone, but it still felt right.

"Yes, even then." You held up his gaze, searching those blue eyes for any sign. Signs of what exactly, you didn't know yet. All you wanted was to stare into them forever, never leave this state of mind.

When Bucky's hand fell down your shoulder and kept running down your arm,  a thousand shivers ran down your spine. You couldn't – shouldn't – feel this way. You were married now, and doing this... To prevent  you from doing anything stupid, you looked away and leaned back against the wall. Getting away from him still was out of your league, though ; you settled for resting your head on his shoulder and spread your plaid over both your bodies. It might've been because nights were fresh, even in August, but it was mostly to make sure you were as close to him as you could be. Before falling asleep, the last thing you felt was Bucky's head letting itself fall on top of yours.

---

"Hey, you need to wake up."

The morning sun made you blink and you felt something on your thigh. Lowering your gaze, you noticed Bucky's hand. You tried not to freak out and looked up at whoever had spoken : Steve. Bucky shifted next to you, woken up by Steve's words  as well.

"What's going on?" you asked. Steve might have been the best at hiding concern, he couldn't always hide it from you.

He sighed. "Darren's here."

"Shit." You got up more abruptly than you should've, causing you to lean on Steve's shoulder for a second. "Where is he?"

"Right here."

You turned around, seeing Darren standing in the doorframe. Well, that was unfortunate. You thought you should've been feeling some sort of guilt after being found in another man's arms – technically ; all you felt was anger. You were angry that he'd showed up after standing you  up last night, you were angry about the neglect and his overall lack of care.

"What are you doing here?" you asked sharply.

"Bringing you home. Why didn't you come back?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he shot Bucky a furious look. "And why were you sleeping outside with this guy?"

Rubbing your forehead, you gestured towards Steve and Bucky.  "Could you guys leave us a minute, please?"

Even though Steve nodded and walked back inside, Bucky seemed unsure about  leaving you alone with your husband. You gave him a brief smile and he took the hint.  As you closed the door behind him to have some privacy – the door was made of glass, but oh well –, Darren started pacing.

"Did you cheat on me last night?"

"What the hell?" You  couldn't believe your ears. "You're kidding, right? You stood. Me. Up. You didn't even bother telling me in advance that you'd go at Brad's, and you didn't even come home. Didn't you think I was tired of being alone every night?"

"You're never alone."

"Damn it, Darren,  you came home past dinner every day since we got married! We should be on our honeymoon right now, and yet you don't even bother kissing me goodnight."

"That's all this is about? I work a little too much and you go away to your so-called family?" He'd stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, proud of his innuendo. His insinuating Steve and the gang weren't your family made your blood boil.

"So-called? So-called, Darren? I love these people. They are my family and they've been more present for me today than you have in a week. What did you expect? That I would happily ask to be invited at Brad's, when I clearly am not welcome there?"

"You are welcome, what the hell are you talking about?"

"They don't like me, and you know that very well." You looked at the ground. You might've been angry, but never being able to fit in within Darren's social circle had always hurt you.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

No words came out of your mouth. How could you say anything to that? This was the ultimate insult. You had given so much to this relationship that you'd never even thought that 'not trying hard enough' could've been  the reason they  disliked you. First dinner with them, Brad's wife had made fun of what was left of your Sokovian accent, asking Darren if he wanted you to help you get a green card. Of course you'd called her out on her racism. She got upset, but was it your fault? No. During a night out, Brad had been too handsy with you and when telling Darren about it, he'd told you that you were reading too into it, that he was just being friendly. They weren't good people, and you'd always wondered why Darren bothered hanging out with them.

"That's it, go away." You let out an exasperated sigh, opening the door. "You're going to leave the compound to go home and calm down. Maybe I'll be back in a few days."

"I'm not going anywhere without you." That could've sounded romantic. In his mouth, it sounded more like a threat.

"Hell yeah, you are. Now go. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want you to be like this then."

"Right, your birthday. Don't count on me to celebrate it if you don't bother coming home."

You closed your eyes for a moment before gesturing him to leave. He ultimately walked through the glass door and you saw him make eye-contact with Wanda on his way out. You knew she was trying hard not to throw him against a wall or something. You ran your hand through your hair, taking in what had just occurred. You knew Darren would feel better the next day and that it would be like nothing ever happened. You just weren't sure anymore whether it was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, you can stay here longer," you heard Steve say.

"You're better off with us anyway," Wanda told you.

"You know he's-"

"Please, don't defend him," your sister pleaded. "He's not treating you right and you know it. He hasn't for years. Why are you-"

"Wanda, please. Not here."

You looked at Bucky out of the corner of your eye ; you didn't want to have that conversation in front of him, for some reason. Maybe deep down, you knew he'd side with Wanda. Having your sister call you out was hard enough ; you didn't need your soulmate to start doing it as well.

--- I just finished part 9 so I'm posting part 6 because I can't wait to have your opinion on this one!! Don't forget you can message me anytime to be added to the tag list :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02

[jilljoycearts]

YOU MADE ME DO IT I'M IN AGONY AND MIGHT NOT READ YOUR RESPONSE BECAUSE I'M SCAAAAAAARED

Feel free to skip a few I'm overenthusiastic thinking of trios in Enderal

---------------------

9. Snug, marry, kill

-> The Forgotten Stories Trio

Tharaêl, Dijaam, Esme

-> The Main platonic and/or romantic Relationships (imho)

Tharaêl, Jespar, Calia

-> Easy peasy maybe? The Emissaries besides the Prophetess (asking you about Siri feels wrong lol)

Tealor, Coarek, Yuslan

-> Iconic Vendors

Fresh and Tasty Bread, huh no I just place them out for you to look at, my wares it is you want to see I promise you they bring you glee

-> Dust pit adversaries (I want to write Tharaêl again because technically true hngpf)

The Twins (double trouble with two handed hammerss), Tamas Sha'Gar (first fight with the 4 people free for all, he was the one with bow and fire arrows), Raga Shadowclaw (lycanthrope)

-> more "cuddle once, have as a pet, abandon (give to a loving person to take care of)"

Whirlwind (Donkey), Standard Brown horse (not Svart), Cuthbert (the dead (& kinky) mini pig of Maxus Tabaccus, the summoned form not alive one of him)

-> The Big Baddies

The Father, Daddy, Ketaron Dal'Geyss (Rynéus' Father)

---------------------

I'm a big indecisive softy so I couldn't answer any of those. Last one clearly indicates a certain **theme** in the game 🤔

Long ask - long answer! Like, very long.  The following is based on my personal opinions, visions of characters, marriage, human behaviour etc etc, and I’m fine if you disagree with me. Also, warning - adult topics.

Okay, the input info: 

- I think for myself, not for my prophetess (what I am: mid twenties female who values personal space in a relationship the most).  - I don’t turn it into modern au.  - This is “fuck/marry/kill”, not “snug/marry/kill” (I believe it’s implied, but still, ADULT TOPICS AHEAD) - For me(for this game) marriage is a combo of the first of our wonderful three-positions list, the lack of wish to implement the third and commitment. If optimistic – even fruitful coexistence. I keep in mind marriage is stability and all. - “Kill” is mostly “off the table” for those characters I can’t see fitting for any of the first two positions. That doesn’t mean I want to kill them, except I specifically state so. 

1. Tharaêl, Jespar, Calia Starting with the hardest one.I’m telling bye to Calia, alas. She’s too lawful, and I’d be very grey morality-wise if put to their realities. Besides, she has these sub vibes and I agree with opinions she might be very dom when it comes to intimacy, but her whole sadness aura is not for me. I don’t want to deal with it if I don’t have to.  Jespar: we know what he thinks of any relationship - “as long as I feel like it - I’m here for it, else - adiós” and it’s pretty common for our world, but as we’re in a medieval and religious community, I believe open relationship is not common at all. I am thinking about marriage possibilities here, yes. He wouldn’t like the idea – it involves commitment. And I assume he’s the closest to me personality-wise, so we could be close friends, but I *want* commitment. Whether the relationship hits low or we’re doing pretty good – I want my spouse to be with me. Jespar is known for running away when things get bad. So yeah, he stays just for one night. And it seems I have to marry Tharael. Well… He’s very ESTJ, but I don’t mind if he takes care of, welp, everything. Pros: his understanding of “family” is quite classic to our world as well. Remember what he says in the Refuge - “no one will have to mourn me - no widow, no children, no friends”. So in his head he tried to fit the roles of a husband and a father(still can’t see how he’s capable of it, but he definitely gave it some thinking). Family for him = wife and kids. He acknowledges and accepts the commitment. Besides, he seems to be very responsible and reliable. He also tries to be rational, sometimes he even manages. And, as I see the Rhalata as a military formation, having spent 8 years there, he is very straightforward and strict/precise/exact (pick the right word). If something’s being said – rarely hidden context is implied. It makes communication much easier. Cons: he is explosive and I have strong suspicions he might be of jealous type. It is manageable, though. Especially if you set a list of rules together what is acceptable and what needs further explanations. He’s used to living following rules, so give him new ones and he’ll feel more confident. But careful, as it may play against you. Been there done that. Rules are cool as long as they’re acceptably flexible and you’re not trying to find how to cheat and break them. 

But out of these three, he is the husband material, at least for me. I’m not mentioning any intimacy above, as it would break the game for Tharael at all. But if elaborating – I don’t even know how you would drag him to your bedroom when he’s aware what he is and absolutely not aware what this new “shell” may produce as kids, if it is capable of it at all. So I politely ignore this fact. (In my otp it works as I headcanon the prophet can’t have children)

2. Tharaêl, Dijaam, Esme Why I would marry Esme: she *is* commitment. She cares a lot for a person she’s close to. She cares even after their relationship is not a thing anymore. I love this personality trait, and I’d like to see it in a potential spouse. I’m not sure what kind of relationship she prefers tho, if it’s open like Jespar wants them to be, I start doubting and think of picking Tharael again(not telling Tharael doesn’t care as much; in fact, he cares more). If not an open relationship – Esme is “lighter” than him, but also much more naive. But it’s okay, I can be oversuspicious for the both of us. So, marry Esme. And sorry, Dijaam, I have to kill you as I like Tharael more 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

3. Tealor, Coarek, Yuslan Ah, tricky. Yuslan once had a family – he’s capable of it, they were happy, so I’d pick him for marriage. I know how Qyranian people handle families and marriage, and poly relationships are definitely not my thing, but what he had was very “classy”, so I’m good.Tealor failed to have a family. He barely tried at all. Taranor – the lore never mentioned anything about any love interests. I guess not much difference here picking who to fuck and who to kill. I just pick what looks better, so… kill Tealor.

4. “Iconic Vendors Fresh and Tasty Bread, huh no I just place them out for you to look at, my wares it is you want to see I promise you they bring you glee” I barely trade in the game, I hoard everything😅 I know the first one is Marita, the second phrase is not unique to just one character and the last one I simply can’t remember. But I don’t want to do anything with the mean trader, so I kill him. Marita will be my friend.

5. “Dust pit adversaries (I want to write Tharaêl again because technically true hngpf)The Twins (double trouble with two handed hammerss), Tamas Sha'Gar (first fight with the 4 people free for all, he was the one with bow and fire arrows), Raga Shadowclaw (lycanthrope)” Ehhhh we don’t have any personalities here, so I can’t really pick anyone. KILL ALL! 

6. “more "cuddle once, have as a pet, abandon (give to a loving person to take care of)"Whirlwind (Donkey), Standard Brown horse (not Svart), Cuthbert (the dead (& kinky) mini pig of Maxus Tabaccus, the summoned form not alive one of him)” I’m keeping the ghost pig as it’s somewhat intelligent, doesn’t need food and grooming and takes care of itself in general. If given the choice, I wouldn’t pick anything. Commitment, commitment… As for the other two hoofed frens, no difference really. I’d patpat both, but I don’t want to own a pet.

7. The Father, Daddy, Ketaron Dal'Geyss (Rynéus' Father) Ahh yess daddy issues :D It’s actually simple for me. Daddy I would kill. Huge no. No-no-no. Firstly, he’s a father figure (and you associate yourself with the prophet), so no “snug”, no marriage, no anything. Kill him and that’s all. Ketaron I have to pick for just one night as I don’t see it possible for me to survive under the same roof with this shitty person… So I marry the Father. Nothing physical and it won’t be much I would have to contribute to this relationship but it would be interesting to learn new things, at least. Still, I can see it as “I don’t bother you with your business, you don’t bother me, we just coexist without hate and sometimes I ask dumb questions” That’s all. And no, I won’t try to change anything about the Father. I’d better prefer to avoid any contacts. Serious questions here, being put into a position of spouse would make me shave my head or not 🤔 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Five

A/N: If you didn't see my post yesterday, I decide to break this chapter into 2 chapters. The preview for this chapter is included in the next chapter.

Words: 3.7k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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I blink my eyes open to see Izzy standing over me, my brows furrowing at the sight of him, confusion filing into my mind.

“Izzy.” I croak out, closing my eyes again for a moment.

“Viv.” He replies.

"What're you doing here?" I groan, tiredly.

"A girl I hooked up with last night lives in this neighborhood." He tells me. "Karen let me in."

“Of course she did.” I mumble, sitting up with another groan, and he sits on the floor next to me, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it.

“So, like, what happened?” He asks me, looking around at the shithole mess I made last night and I lick my cracked lips, feeling the tightness of dried, mascara coated tears that have glued to my face, and let out an exhausted breath.

“You ever walk into your house and wonder ‘exactly how many surfaces did my husband and his mistress possibly have sex on’?”

“Nope.” He replies, blowing out smoke, and I glance at him.

“Well, that’s what happened.” I reply, sighing. “I thought I was doing good, Izzy. I really thought we were getting better. And we weren’t. It was all bullshit.”

“Trust me, Viv, I’ve fucking been there.” He mumbles.

“I gave her a key to my house.” I repeat what I told him earlier and he looks at me for a moment, looking as if he doesn’t quite know what to say. “I might as well have just handed him over to her and said, ‘he’s yours, have at it’.” I add, letting out a chuckle, although it’s not funny. “I’m not like her. I act nothing like her. I haven’t accomplished as much as she has. I’m not established like she is. I look nothing like her--”

“--She’s a ten but the drugs make her a five. And her being batshit crazy knocks her down to a solid two...on a good day. You’re a ten. Your niceness adds two points, your patience adds two more points, and your crazy is hot, which adds five more points. So technically you’re a seventeen. Don’t compare yourself to a fucking crack addict when there’s barely anything left of her to compare to.” He orders sternly, and I push a strand of hair behind my ear. “And the only thing she can say she’s got on you, is screwing your husband, and she brags about it because strung out Nikki Sixx is obviously a prize.” He sarcastically states and I smile a little. “He didn’t cheat because you weren’t enough, Viv. He cheated because he’s fucking stupid and the drugs just add to it. I assure you, if you were ugly or something, none of us would wanna fuck you. But we do.”

“Gee, thanks, Izzy.” I flatly say, furrowing my brows slightly, and he nudges me with his elbow.

“You’re a seventeen.” He reassures me, smiling.

“See, this is what I would’ve appreciated hearing the other night.” I inform him.

“I was an ass the other night.” He admits. “I’m sorry for yelling at you...and there’s nothing wrong with you not picking up on our hints that something was wrong. You just see the best in people sometimes when they’re fucking shitty, is all.”

“Trust me I’ve learned my lesson.” I scoff.

“No, don’t let this bullshit ruin a good thing. You can still see the good in people and try to be positive about them, just use a little discernment from now on.” He shrugs and I wipe my eyes as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Did we just have a moment, Izzy?” I ask, and he furrows his brows and looks at me.

“No.”

“I think we did.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“I think we did. I think we just got a little closer in our friendship.”

“Nope, I don’t think so.”

“We did.”

“We didn’t.”

“I love you and I’m glad we’re friends.”

He just looks at me, trying not to smile, before getting a serious look on his face.

“It’ll be okay, Viv.” He assures me, genuinely, and I nod.

“I know it will be, I’m just kinda scared to go through the hell I’m gonna need to go through in order to get to the ‘it’s okay now’ part.”

“I know you are.” He tells me, exhaling more smoke. “I know you are.” 

That’s the thing about Izzy: a raging jackass when he wants to be, and quiet for the most part, but when he gets serious about something, it’s genuine and hard to ever forget.

Once Izzy decides to go home, I’m staring at the letter from Playboy, eyeing the number left at the bottom of the page for their project manager.

“Just call and see what they say.” I tell myself, taking a deep breath, my palms starting to sweat.

I dial the number and it rings a few times before someone picks up.

“Playboy Enterprises, this is Erika.”

I convince myself to calm down and ease the nerves bunching in my stomach before I reply.

“Y-Yes, this is Vivian Sixx. I got a letter from you guys?”

“Yes, they’ve been hoping you would call. Give me a moment and I’ll transfer your call to our PM.” She tells me.

“Okay, thank you.”

I wait for a moment as the line cuts out, before it cuts back in again.

“Mrs. Sixx?” Another woman’s voice greets me.

“Yes?”

“This is Danielle Wyther, I’m the one that sent you the letter.” She explains.

“Oh.”

“I take it you’ve made your decision.” She says next and I let out a little sigh, hesitantly giving an answer.

“I’m not comfortable doing full nudity--I mean, I don’t have an issue being nude but, like, I want the important parts covered.” I’m saying before I can stop myself, and I furrow my brows and mouth “what the fuck” to myself for being so blunt.

“...We didn’t expect anything different from you, Vivian, no worries.” She tells me and I let out a relieved breath. “We’ve already prepared for more tasteful photos.”

She goes on to tell me when I need to meet with her to sign my contract of payment and a temporary NDA ensuring I won’t let it out to the public I’m posing until they decide to announce it themselves, and then we go over when I need to come to Chicago to shoot.

Once a date is set to meet, and for the photoshoot itself, we hang up and I turn around to see Karen holding a cup of coffee, wearing her bedroom shoes due to the glass on the floor that I need to clean up.

“You didn’t hear that.” I tell her.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” She replies, obviously knowing what I’m talking about, but clearly not in a hurry to tell Nikki about it.

She just raises her brows and takes a sip of her coffee, minding her own business. 

After breakfast, I try to clean up the best I can, not even necessarily wanting to go to my room to grab a change of clothes and shower once I'm done, but I do. 

I'll just leave our room a shitshow for him since we're coming back for a five day break in like a week anyway. 

I shower and change clothes, grabbing my car keys.

"Where are you going?" Karen asks me.

"To see Sharise and Sky, and then I’m going out with the guys before I get home.” I tell her.

“Alright, be careful.”

“I will.”

I knew Karen wouldn’t say a thing to Nikki about Playboy, and she honestly never said a thing to me about it...but I could tell she didn’t necessarily agree with my decision, because nobody really agreed with it, they tolerated it.

In all honesty they all thought I had lost my mind, finally, because I was Vivian. Goody-goody, Christianly, worst-thing-ever-done-was-marry-someone-my-mother-didn’t-approve-of, Saint Vivian.

“Yes, I’m sure about it, Sharise.” I tell her, Skylar sticking a unicorn sticker to my face, making me smile at her as Sharise raises her brows at me.

“But you’ll be n-a-k-e-d.” She spells out so Skylar won’t catch on. “A-s-s and b-o-o-b-s out. For everyone to see.”

“Not really, everything’s gonna be covered.”

“Barely.”

“But still covered, nonetheless.” I argue.

“Do you want me to go with you?” She asks next.

“I wanna go!” Skylar says, looking at her mom, not even knowing where exactly we’re going, but wanting to tag along.

“No, I’ll probably have Duff or Steven go with me.” She tell her and she raises her brows.

“Oh...Duff...okay…”

“What?” I ask, furrowing my brows a little and she holds back a tight-lipped smile, shaking her head and shrugging.

“Nothing, Viv. Nothing at all. It’s just...you know…”

“...What exactly do I know?” I question.

“You know what you know.” She says back, matter-of-fact, and I think a moment before scoffing out.

“Oh, puh-lease, Sharise.” I hold back a bark of laughter.

“You know where I’m getting that idea, too.” She states and I shake my head.

“You are crazy.”

“Am I? You’ve just recently been hurt, you’re vulnerable, you’re confused, he’s available and attractive, and a complete gentleman--”

“--Which is exactly why nothing is happening because he’s not going to take advantage of me right now.” I tell her.

“Right now?” She widens her eyes and I sigh. “Ah, so you admit something’s cooking, it’s just not being served at the table at the moment.”

“It’s being poured down the drain because he’s got his own thing and I’ve got mine and neither of us are like that with each other.”

“He broke up with his ‘thing’ earlier this year and yours was just caught with a crack pipe in one hand, a needle in the other, and another woman’s mouth on his d-i-c-k, which sounds like a justified divorce to me.” She says to me, picking Sky up, and I let out a breath...because she’s right.

“Look, just think before you jump into the deep end. Just because there’s room for you to land, doesn’t mean there aren’t sharks waiting for you to dive in.” She warns me and I just nod slowly, rubbing my lips together.

I stay at Sharise’s for a couple more hours, before I’m meeting Duff at the Whisky because they’re playing a show tonight.

“Thank you.” I say as a girl in the crowded room moves for me to squeeze by her to get backstage with the guys once the show is over.

I crack open the door, seeing Axl in his assless chaps, his hair going all kinds of directions in it’s teased glory, and he smiles widely at me.

“Hey, Viv.” He greets me, and I step in to see everybody else in the room: Slash, Izzy, Stevie, Duff, and...no, no, that’s impossible.

I furrow my brows, my heart stopping in my chest.

“D-Dad?” I ask.

He’s just as shell shocked as I am, until his face is lighting up, tears coming to his eyes, as he nervously steps to me.

“What’re you doing here?” I ask next, realizing I’m about to cry.

I haven’t seen him in four years. We’ve written to each other every once in a while just to check up, but I haven’t seen him or heard his voice in four years.

“I’ve been coming down this part of town the past few nights when I heard you were back home.” He explains to me.

“Why?”

He doesn’t have to answer this, I know why. He heard his daughter’s husband possibly cheated on with her, and the mistress announced it on national television.

“Well, I couldn't really comfort you through a stupid letter.” He says and a tear rolls down my cheek.

“Aww, Dad." My voice cracks and he gives me a big hug.

"And I'll fly to wherever he is and give him a piece of my mind,  just say 'when' and I'll give him a real reason to go crawling to another woman." He states and I laugh, pulling away to wipe my eyes, getting a good, up close look at my dad. 

His hair is already starting to grey, despite only being forty-one, and his brown eyes haven't lost any of their spark that's been in them even since I could remember. 

He wipes my tears, giving me a reassuring smile. 

"I'm okay, Dad." I tell him, sniffling, looking around at the guys before looking back up at him. "How do you even know them?"

Apparently, several months prior, my dad happened to be in the same convenience store as Steven, who he saw was trying to smuggle a bag of Cheetos up his shirt because he couldn’t afford to buy them so my dad gave him a few hundred bucks and when he told Steven his name Stevie remembered my maiden name was “Kinston” and asked my dad if he knew me. It went from there and resulted in my dad checking in on them from time to time, but none of them ever told me because they weren’t ever really sure how I felt about my dad.

After the guys get changed, we’re heading to get some food  at the Rainbow with my dad tagging along.

“After she watched the Wizard of Oz with her aunt, she’d pretend she was the Good Witch of the South and used to get out of her little bubble baths and run through the house, calling herself the ‘Bubble Fairy’, with her mom chasing after her.” My dad tells the guys and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing he wouldn’t have told the story of the notorious “Bubble Fairy.”

“Dad, they didn’t need to know that.” I say to him, seeing Duff and Slash trying to hide their laughter.

“Oh, it’s not that bad, Viv, you were a toddler.” My dad insists. “It was precious.”

“Yeah, maybe you should recreate it and let us see if it’s just as precious.” Izzy says to aggravate me.

“Hey, watch it.” My dad scolds him and I smile smugly at Izzy.

“Yeah, watch it." I echo and Izzy narrows his eyes at me.

"Whatever you say, Bubble Fairy." He says to me and I'm kicking at him under the table, before I'm looking at my dad again, taking a sip of Pepsi.

"Change of subject, why didn't you just come by the house?" I ask my dad.

"I didn't know if you would've wanted me to, if you were still trying to handle everything." He adds. "I was going to when I heard you had a health scare, but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries."

"Dad, I wouldn't have minded." I assure him, shaking my head a little. 

"Well, how much longer are you going to be in town?" He asks.

"Um, I'm flying out tomorrow for about a week, but we're supposed to be coming back home for a break." I explain. 

"'We're'? He's coming back home with you…is he staying with you?" He questions and I blink a couple times. 

"Well, y-yeah, we're still married, dad, so we're gonna be staying in the same house." I explain. "Especially since his manager thinks it's best if we play it off to the public and the media that the situation was a misunderstanding." 

"How the hell does one 'misunderstand' being engaged to a married man?" He asks, and the guys raise their brows.

"Well--"

"--I'd rip his manager a new one and tell him to use it to let out all the extra shit he's full of." 

My eyes widen, and I'm shocked, because I've never heard my dad this angry. 

"Dad, it's okay. After the tour if we want to file for divorce, we will."

"When is the tour over?"

"Next spring."

"Vivian, do you have any idea how long divorce takes to be finalized?" He asks and I rub my lips together. "If you genuinely want to get divorced, I suggest filing now so you can almost be done with it by the time the tour ends." 

"We've tried. She won't listen." Axl states, lighting a cigarette and I glare at him. 

"I'm weighing my options, dad." I say.

"And what's he doing?" He asks next. 

"Shooting heroin and screwing groupies." Axl interjects again.

"Axl." I snap. 

"Dude, c'mon." Duff lightly says, not amused with his suggestion. 

"What?" Axl looks at us. "Coming from a dude, infidelity is like cockroaches. For every one you know about, there's a hundred more you don't know about." 

"Dude!" Stevie scolds him, looking at him like he's lost his mind. 

"So we're just gonna pretend there's no chance that Vanity isn't the first chick Nikki's been with in the six years they've been together?" Axl keeps going. 

"I'm going to the bathroom." I mumble, getting out of the booth, trying not to think about the possibility of Nikki cheating with multiple other girls, but knowing it isn't too far-fetched to consider it.

After a couple minutes of wiping tears in the bathroom stall, I hear the door open, and wait to hear the clicking of heels on the tile floor, but instead hear heavy footsteps.

“Viv?” Duff asks and I let out a relieved sigh, sniffling.

“I’m fine.” I say to him, despite it not sounding convincing in the slightest.

“No, you’re not.” He tells me and I roll my eyes, opening the stall, looking up at him.

“I am.”

“There’s no fucking cameras around, you know that right?” He raises his brows and I exhale softly, throwing my wet, snotty tissue in the garbage can, stepping to the mirror to fix my face the best I can.

“I’ve thought of the possibility of him having others.” I admit, wiping the running mascara from my face as he leans against the stall’s fixture and looks at me in the mirror. “I’ve thought about it, and it’s one of my worst fucking fears is hearing this whole time there’s been girls left and right that’s he’s managed to sneak past me. I don’t like it, but I have thought about it. I’m not oblivious to that possibility.”

“I know you aren’t.” He nods.

“But he’s all I’ve known.” I tell him, taking a deep breath. “He’s all I’ve known and he’s all I’ve got and if I look for any more trouble, I’m gonna find it, and I’d rather not repeat this cycle of feeling like the biggest fucking idiot, so if we can just skip the conversation altogether I’d be really appreciative of it.” I state, turning to face him.

“Got it.” He promises. “And Axl doesn’t mean anything by it, Viv, alright? He just misses the mark when it comes to communication.” He shrugs. 

“I suppose.” I sigh out. “I’m sorry, you’re probably tired of me crying.”

“I wish you wouldn’t cry because I don’t like to see it, but I think you have every reason to, right now. I’m just happy you’re not completely losing your shit like I expected you to.” He explains and I raise my brows.

“Define ‘losing your shit’.”

He looks at me with raised brows.

“What did you do?” He asks me, amused.

“It’s not really what I’ve done...more so what I’m going to do.”

“What’re you going to do?”

“...Playboy sent me a letter, offering $40,000 for a cover shoot and interview, and some pictures to go along with it.” I watch as his eyes widen, and he gets an uneasy look on his face.

“Viv, you aren’t, like, the Playboy type, though.” He points out, worriedly.

“Well, no, I’m not, and I know that and they know that, so when I called just decided to do ‘tasteful’ nude shots.”

“‘Tasteful’ by Vivian standards, or ‘tasteful’ by pornographic magazine standards?”

“Vivian standards. Naked, but none of the good stuff is showing.” I state.

“Oh, okay.” He laughs out, nervously. “Are you...sure about it?”

“Well, at first I did it for the money because if Nikki leaves me, I’m not gonna have a penny to my name--”

“--Vivian, if you need money and somewhere to stay if things go to shit, you can just ask me or one of the guys.” He offers, looking like the thought of me posing nude just for money, doesn’t sit right with him because he knows I wouldn’t do it unless I felt I had no other choice.

“You didn’t let me finish.” I tell him, smiling. “But then they said it’d be tasteful and I wouldn’t have to show everything, and now it sounds kinda fun.”

“And what does Nikki think of it?” He asks me an important question and I go to speak, but stop myself, exhaling.

“What Nikki doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” Is all I can come up with.

“Uh, I think Nikki will know when he sees his wife on the cover of Playboy.” He argues.

“It’s not like I’m gonna be posed on the front with my tits and pussy out, spread eagle for the world to ogle at my anatomy.” I counter and he squeezes his eyes closed, shaking his head a little.

“I didn’t need to picture you like that, Viv.” He says and I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“Oops, sorry.” I say, rubbing my lips together. “Hey, there is something I need to ask you, though.”

“Yeah?” He replies, looking at me.

“Tomorrow I’m going to their office here in town to sign the paperwork and stuff, and then I’m going to Chicago for the photoshoot, because conveniently enough, Motley Crue will be in Chicago for a few days, and I was wondering if you’d want to come with me.”

He laughs like it’s absurd.

“You are crazy.” He says, in disbelief.  “You are crazy.”

“Duff--”

“--If he finds out I was there with you, Viv, I just--you are crazy.”

“So, you’re not gonna go with me?” I ask him, scared he’s going to say “no” to avoid pissing Nikki off.

But he completely surprises me when he says:

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”