#teared up while making my inquisitor. maybe i’ll share what he looks like sometime

[honorofthedepths]

really liking veilguard thus far.. the only issues i’ve had was during the prologue scene and the strobes were so bright and frequent it gave me a headache and i think the pacing at the beginning was a bit too fast, but other than that it’s been great!!!

[biconicfinn]

id like to know, what are your takes on politician!Alec? if you want to talk about that

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!!!!! POLITICIAN ALEC IS MY FUCKING JAM DJKABVHJKDBVKADVBFAV okay anon strap in because this will get crazy

holy shit this is long so i’m putting it under a read more!! 

okay so first of all: alec is someone who has been trained from a young age to be a politician, he would have been educated in diplomacy and politics, his parents were expecting him to become head of the new york institute and they have no qualms about living vicariously through their children and forcing their burdens on them as we have seen in the show.

he was probably taught clave law and the accords, a whole bunch of languages (polyglot power couple malec ftw) because i assume the NYI uses english as their lingua franca because of their location but since institutes also have to deal with local downworld and mundane populations it’s safe to assume that in other countries where english isn’t the main language, they go with the local languages and alec would need to communicate with these other institute heads, etiquette, some formal ballroom dances like the waltz, the art of negotiation, administrative stuff like resource allocation, budgeting, public speaking, the nitty gritty details of the clave workings, in addition to the knowledge of the different races of the shadow world, hand to hand combat, combat with a variety of weapons (he masters archery to utter perfection but he definitely is also incredibly proficient in close range combat as well).

sorry i just love alec and he is definitely more competent than most of the Alec StansTM (yall know what im saying) make him out to be

okay so!!!!! it’s pretty much canon that alec has spent a considerable amount of time as acting head of the NYI; what with maryse and robert always fucking off to idris to lick the boots of the clave and so he probably has a good relationship with the people under his command. he’s probably put protocols in place to reduce casualties and injuries, form patrol teams that are well-balanced so that they are versatile enough to take just about any threat that comes their way, etc.

of course, thanks to a little thing called the nephilim’s deep-rooted homophobia, a lot of the work alec put in probably got negated when he came out. it took a lot of courage for him to come out and to be openly gay. raj was an absolute asshole to alec for no reason and often questioned his leadership decisions post coming out, and even if not all the shadowhunters reacted like that, they did show some resistance(?) to alec’s leadership when he was appointed head and questioned him. it probably took a lot out of him because it’s one thing to have your people doubt you as a leader because of your actions or words; your decisions as a leader, it’s another thing for them to mistrust you entirely because of a fundamental part of your identity that you can’t change. you can build trust by publicly admitting and apologising for mistakes and putting in honest work to be better, but it’s impossible to build trust when the other person doesn’t even see you as human to begin with. 

this is turning into a hoti!alec ramble but i promise i will bring this back to politician!alec okay i promise i just need to establish the headcanons i’m building on first sorry 

okay back to business!!!! i feel like alec is so very genuine and honest outside of the political sphere alec “casual wedding vows” lightwood anyone? so when he does show his ability to be a complete fucking shark in the political arena a lot of people are blindsided because they expected him to be very honest and direct but he knows that as much as he’d like to be genuine, he needs that shrewdness to navigate the political minefield of idris. he prefers directness, but if you take the manipulative, indirect, route and underestimate him, he will not hesitate to turn your own methods against you.

he is also the type of leader who constantly tries to make an effort. his intentions were genuine with the downworld cabinet and i think that if it wasn’t set up in the middle of the shitstorm which was valentine’s re-emergence and the circle’s rise, it would have been more successful. he has a lot to learn and unlearn, and he (an utter perfectionist) will do as much as he can to help the downworld. i like to think that in a post s3 world, but before the time skip, he helps to re-establish the ties between the shadow world factions in new york and focuses on being the nephilim voice of the downworld to the clave, constantly trying to push for new accords and reformed policies, and he makes an effort to not speak over the downworlders, but instead be their representative and ally to the clave because the clave are racist bastards who wouldn’t listen to them but they have to listen to alec lightwood (”it’s lightwood-bane, actually”), one of the heroes who stepped up to defend alicante when the rift to edom opened. (and also because if they did try to slander or belittle him, they risk angering magnus, who has enough clout to embargo most warlocks from providing magical assistance to any local institutes, if he feels that the downworld is being ignored despite the fact that a warlock is the sole reason why alicante was’t razed to the ground, or that he and his husband are being targeted by the clave. because they are That Couple.) in conclusion alec is a good ally okay?

but as much as he tries/tried to do right by the clave, he sometimes also doesn’t give a fuck about them. he’ll be in meetings at idris, and maybe they’re discussing asinine, irrelevant, minor issues that are really just stupid excuses to showboat and compare family clout and whatnot and he’ll be pissed as fuck because instead of discussing actual relevant issues like irregularities/strange patterns in demon attacks, hunting down remaining circle sleeper cells, reparations for the downworld (like for the heavenly fire project), rewriting the accords, rebuilding idris, helping get the attacked institutes back up and running, you know, actual important issues that need attention but no, we’re discussing some petty family squabble that turned into a political feud that involves everyone and their fucking uncle. and he gets so damn angry he just blows up and rants at them and tears them a new one. he finishes his impressively long spiel with “you know what? fuck this. when you guys are done fighting like children and taking up precious time that we should be using to talk about real, pressing issues that affect the entire shadow world instead of five people at this table, let me know and i’ll be there but until then don’t bother. if you’ll excuse me, i’m going back to my husband. thank you. and for the last damn time, my name is alec lightwood-bane. i already changed my damn name legally so fucking use it.” and he just leaves to go back to new york because fuck the clave. 

he goes back home to the loft and it’s like the stress and anger just melts away because he walks in on magnus dancing around the kitchen as he cooks dinner, singing dancing queen at the top of his lungs, laughing when magnus twirls to see him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen with his heart eyes and blushes at being caught doing somethin so silly

he becomes a successful inquisitor by sheer force of will and determination. it’s not at all intentional, but it just happens. with the success of the cabinet and the measures he puts in place, he shares it with other institute heads and slowly more and more institutes are collaborating with the local downworld and most of the time, the statistics pay off in the long run. there are starting troubles as with any new initiatives, but soon enough there is a sizeable number of institutes following them successfully and it’s hard for the clave to ignore. alec gets invited to alicante to discuss the possibility of him becoming inquisitor just when the downworld deputy program is taking off in new york. (it all starts with simon asking “so are you guys nephilim or shadowhunters? what’s the difference? or is it interchangeable?” and then they realise that while nephilim is a term to describe half-angel half-human beings, shadowhunter is a term more commonly used by active duty demon hunters and drops out of use as a self-descriptor when the nephilim in question leaves combat. “so that means technically anyone in the shadow world whose job it is to fight demons is a shadowhunter? right?” and the lightbulbs light up in alec’s head immediately) oops time to get back to it the point. 

okay so!!!! the clave offer alec the position of inquisitor and it’s part recognition for his efforts and acknowledgement of his skills, part them wanting to keep him under their control. how does that work? well it’s simple. if alec is inquisitor and the clave makes it as hard as possible for him to do any effective work, bogging him down with bureaucracy and and votes on motions that are just shy of the majority needed to pass laws etc etc. basically throw every road block they can at him and wear him down; forcing him to step down and thus silencing him, and by extension, the downworlders who rely on him for a voice in the clave. 

malec side note: so they first say that magnus can come to alicante and make an exception for him, and the general plan is to make it look like they’re actually doing something good when it’s to lull them into a false sense of security. (but alec and magnus choose to live in brooklyn first because despite everything, it is still dangerous for magnus to be the only warlock in a city full of nephilim) but then alicante opens up to the rest of the shadow world, magnus becomes the high warlock of alicante, and the clave are dealing with the force of nature that is known power couple and ultimate badasses magnus and alec lightwood-bane. oops. 

but they underestimate the power of alec’s Lightwood(-Bane) DeterminationTM and his sheer stubbornness. so their plan backfires spectacularly when within the first few years, he’s implemented laws to open alicante up to downworlders, expunge criminal records of downworlders who were previously wrongfully charged with crimes, rehabilitation of wrongfully imprisoned downworlders, mandatory downworld cabinet and downworld deputy initiatives worldwide, as well as be part of the core group that rewrote the accords to be more fair. 

alec probably retires after like five years of being inquisitor and then magnus steps down as high warlock and they just travel the world together and be in love and happy, occasionally consulting on political issues here and there but for the most part they just run off into the sunset to be immortal husbands together because they’ve sacrificed enough for the good of the shadow world to last several lifetimes. 

[xfandomwritingsx]

Reuniting - F!Hawke/Varric

Description: When Hawke comes to Skyhold, Varric notices there’s something just a little bit different in his relationship with her.

Warnings/Labels: Friends to lovers trope. Sweetness. Some self loathing. The usual fun stuff.

Approx. Word Count: 1,700

A/N: Super creative title, isn’t it? This is only part one of a most likely 2-3 part story. Also my first attempt at a Dragon Age fic and the first time in a long time that I’ve written something not in second person POV.

Varric snuck her into Skyhold late at night, when he knew Cassandra was asleep and the men on guard knew him well enough to keep quiet for a while. He waited at the gate, Bianca resting at his leg as he leaned back against the stone wall. He was oddly fidgety; his gloved fingers running over themselves, a foot tapping on the ground, his eyes constantly flitting across the bridge.

He was nervous. It had been, what? Over two damn years since he’d seen Hawke. He had vowed to himself when they parted ways on the Kirkwall docks that he’d do everything he possibly could to keep her out of whatever came next. He had watched the burning city begin to settle into a smolder behind them and silently promised to spin every tale he could to keep her safe.

And yet here he was, smashing that promise to pieces. He had asked her to Skyhold and she had agreed so easily, without question. It practically broke his heart. All he had wanted for her was a quiet life, but whatever Gods were out there had made him throw her back into the thick of it.

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He felt himself tense, too used to preparing for a fight. It only took a second to recognize her though. He’d know that walk anywhere. That woman had flare in everything she did, walking being no exception. A slight smile tugged at his lips watching her approach. Maker, did he miss her.

“Hawke!” he called out, bringing himself away from the wall and raising his arms towards her in his typical, friendly greeting. She picked up her pace, approaching him quickly. He opened his mouth to say something more as she came closer, but as she walked into the firelight of the torches, he saw an angry scowl on her face. Before he could ask what was wrong, her hands were on his shoulders and he was shoved back against the stone wall again, Hawke towering over him. “Shit, this is different,” he joked with her, trying to determine if that furrow in her brow was something to truly worry about. “I mean this is the kind of greeting you expect from a pissed off client or a turned on lover, maybe both.” Her fingers squeezed his shoulders, preventing him from shrugging.

“Shut up, Varric,” she cut him off sharply. “What is wrong with you?” He noticed a guard look their way and he made a subtle gesture with his hand to warn them away.

“Well now, that depends on who you ask.” He was confident she was angry, but not pissed off enough to actually cause any harm.

“I didn’t hear from you for weeks!” Ah, so that’s what this was about. He felt his signature smirk fall from his face and a little bit more guilt sank in. “Haven was attacked and buried and I didn’t hear from you for weeks!” She gave him a small shake in her anger. “Do you have any idea how worried I was?” Her voice softened by only a hair, but it was enough to make him feel even worse.

“Listen Hawke,” he started. For only the second or third time in Varric’s life, he couldn’t find the right words. What was he supposed to say? That there had been too much happening? He couldn’t find a messenger? He had started at least half a dozen letters, but couldn’t finish them? That he seriously considered letting her think he had died with the small hope he couldn’t screw up her life anymore? Thankfully, she saved him from having to fumble for a half-reasonable excuse.

“Come here, you bastard.” She gave a hard tug on his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he allowed his to slip around her waist. He considered for a moment making a joke of their height difference and the way his face fell nearly between her breasts, but it wasn’t the time and quite frankly, she felt too damn good for him to ruin it.

They stayed in the embrace longer than either of them intended to. As fun as the encrypted, snarky banter was in their letters, it wasn’t nearly the same as having the other there in person and it had been a long time since either of them had been comforted by the touch of a friend. When they finally pulled away, Varric caught a glimmer of tears in Hawke’s eyes before she quickly wiped them away and he had to stop himself from getting emotional as well.

“Come on,” he nudged her. “Let’s get you inside before someone tells the Seeker and she tries to hang me from the gate.” It earned a chuckle from her and the sound sparked something deep in his gut. A warmth spread over him and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He really had missed her.

He led her the back way to his room, avoiding any areas that risked having more than a couple people. He’d deal with introductions and the awe of the legendary Champion after tomorrow when they met with the Inquisitor. Until then, he wanted to keep her hidden away as much as he could.

“You know, I’ve quite missed a dwarf bed!” she told him as she walked in. Varric closed the door behind them and chuckled. “It’s not such a long way down when I roll off in the middle of the night.” She propped her staff against the wall by her side of the bed. He didn’t even realize she hada side until just then.

“You get hit on the head one too many times recently?” He watched her crouch down and plop onto the bed to undo her boots. “Because I don’t recall you ever falling off the bed.”

Back in Kirkwall, it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for her to end up sleeping in his bed. Sometimes it was one too many drinks. Sometimes it was late and she was just tired. Other times, especially after Leandra died and Anders started growing distant, it was out of loneliness. Varric never had any problem setting up a makeshift cot on the floor, but towards the end of their time in Kirkwall, Hawke started insisting there was no reason not to share the bed, joking that her long legs didn’t require her to take up both sides.

“Well, there are a lot of people constantly trying to hit me in the head, you know.” The smile on her face didn’t quite seem genuine.

As he approached the bed, ready to settle down himself, he watched her carefully. She looked down, unlacing her second boot before kicking it to the wall. Instead of going to his side, he found himself walking up to her, standing beside her. She looked solemnly down at her hands for a moment and he simply waited.

“Honestly, I guess I’m just used to sleeping on the ground anymore.” She said it softly, quietly and his heart ached for her. She used to live in a Hightown mansion, but now she’d gotten so used to sleeping in the dirt, she found comfort in a dwarf bed resting on the floor?

“Well, maybe once this whole mess is over, we can take you back to Kirkwall and get you one of those fancy beds you liked that practically touched the ceiling.” She flashed him a smile and he felt a little better.

“It wasn’t that high,” she protested.

“I saw your bed in Hightown. I wouldn’t have been able to climb onto that thing if you gave me three stepstools and a ladder!” His exaggeration made her roll her eyes and laugh, a sight that gave him a warm sense of nostalgia.

“Well it’s a good thing you never tried to crawl into my bed then, isn’t it?” she jested back.

“It would have been a little crowded with you, me, Blondie, and a pissed off spirit, don’t you think?” He worried for a moment that he took it too far by bringing up Anders. It had been a couple years, but still. They had ended on pretty bad terms. She put his fears to rest though, raising a teasing eyebrow at him.

“Now, don’t tell me you’re leaving Bianca out of that little get together.”  He barked out a laugh, gave half a shrug, then slung the crossbow off of his back to prop it up next to Hawke’s staff.

“She’s not concerned,” he assured. “She knows I don’t go for humans.” He watched as just for a moment, something in her eyes fell.

“I suppose you don’t, do you?” she mused. He didn’t have time to question what it had been for it was gone just as quick as it appeared. “My last human didn’t work out, so maybe you have the right idea.” She shuffled back on the bed a little bit, starting to remove the metal pieces of her signature Champion armor. “I hear you’ve got a Qunari around here somewhere. Maybe I’ll give him a try before I go. I hear they’re fun.”

“The Iron Bull?” Varric felt a swirl of something he didn’t like in his stomach, something negative. A protectiveness, maybe. “I’ve heard stories both from him and about him. Trust me, you don’t want to go knocking on that door.” He finally moved over across the room to his side of the bed and kicked off his shoes. He chose to leave out the detail that he hadn’t heard any necessarily negativethings about Bull. Dissuading her from anything with him just seemed like the better path.

“Well fine,” she sighed a little theatrically and he felt a little relieved she hadn’t been serious about it.

Within a few minutes, they were both down to clothes comfortable enough to sleep in and crawling underneath the rough fabric of Varric’s sheets. They both drifted off quickly and easily, Varric’s eyes closing almost as soon as he lay down.

Just before sleep overtook him, he felt Hawke’s hand reach out underneath the blanket and grab for him. She had probably meant to go for his hand, but instead she ended up at his hip. In the fog of sleep, she didn’t seem to care and just squeezed lightly.

“I missed you, Varric,” she mumbled. He took her hand in his and squeezed it back.

“Missed you too, Hawke,” he whispered before they both fell asleep.

[ma-sulevin]

Poor Harea can’t catch a break with @ladydracarysao3 conducting the Inquisitor Mahariel train.

For real though this is my last idea for her, so you’ll have to come up with your own ideas from now on.

Unedited. 1100 words.

—

The last thing Harea was expecting when she was finally released from the collective clutches of Josephine, Leliana, Vivienne, and the Orlesian tailor was to find Merrill lecturing both of the boys.

Harea approaches the top of her stairs and pauses before they can see her, listening to Merrill reminding the boys to use their WORDS and not their FISTS and no, it doesn’t MATTER what he said.

Harea sighs and rubs her forehead with her fingertips. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another, and just one day she wants to return to her room and maybe take a nap?

Merrill stops her lecture as soon as she hears Harea reach the landing, and she steps aside as she turns to look at her.

Duncan and Karl are both sitting on the little couch looking miserable and angry, and Harea turns to Merrill for an explanation.

“I found Duncan and Karl fighting! Duncan gave Karl a bloody nose before I could stop them.”

Harea sighs again. “What happened?”

The boys glare at each other for a moment before Duncan answers. “He said he doesn’t care about Papa.”

“I didn’t!” Karl yells, and then immediately bursts into tears as his little face turns red. He slides off the couch and crosses the room to rest his head against Harea’s stomach, and she cards her fingers through his hair to help him calm down. Duncan leans back on the couch and crosses his arms, looking away from the display.

When Karl’s sobs subside, Harea takes his chin and guides his face up until he looks at her. “What did you say about your papa, then?”

His cheeks are still red. “I said I want a new one,” he mutters. “One who will play with us.”

Harea and Merrill lock sad eyes for a long moment. Up until now, Karl has been content hearing stories about his father from Harea. Sometimes Duncan has a story to share too, since he was older when Anders left, but Karl has no memories of the man at all.

“He said Ser Cullen should be his papa,” Duncan says from the couch, petulance clear in his tone. “But not mine.”

Harea turns her frown back to Karl. “Why would you say that?”

Karl looks like he might cry again. “I ASKED, and he said I could call him papa if I want. And Duncan doesn’t. Maybe Dorian can be his papa?”

Merrill hides her smile behind her hand and Harea struggles to keep from looking utterly exasperated. “That isn’t really how it works, bean,” she says.

Karl'a lower lip wobbles. “But, but, papas are supposed to play with us and be nice to us. Dunc doesn’t with Papa Cullen, but he does with Dorian. Why doesn’t it work?”

Harea clenches her jaw for a moment, trying to decide how to explain this so that Karl will understand. “If you and Duncan want a new papa, you’ll have to share one. But if you don’t want one, you don’t have to have one. You have each other, and me, and Auntie Merrill, and Varric. We’re your family.”

Karl nods and rubs at his nose with his sleeve.

“Now, you two apologize to each other and to Auntie Merrill. And be nice to each other! Family loves each other, right?”

This time, both boys nod, and Karl shuffles over to give Duncan a hug.

“Ma serannas,” Karl says. “Sorry I was mean.”

Duncan sighs and accepts the hug. “Ma serannas,” he replies. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

Harea slips away while the boys are apologizing to Merrill, heading down the winding staircase and across the Keep to Cullen’s office.

He’s there as always, looking as exhausted as always, but he looks up and smiles when he sees her.

“I hear you’ve been talking to Karl,” she says, and crosses the room to pull one of his drawers open while he considers his answer. She removes a bottle of whiskey, considers drinking directly from it, and pours two glasses instead.

“He speaks with me most afternoons,” Cullen finally says, taking one of the glasses from her. He glances at the piles of paperwork before taking a slow sip. “He likes to watch the men training with me. They call him Captain.”

Harea smiles a little, swirling her drink around in the glass before speaking. “Did you tell him he could call you papa?”

She isn’t looking at Cullen, but she doesn’t need to to hear the sharp sigh he releases at her words.

“I told him he should ask you.” Cullen’s words are painfully quiet, and when Harea looks back up he isn’t looking at her at all. Instead he’s glaring at his drink. He finishes the rest in one swallow. “He asked me, said he didn’t know Anders, and that he wanted me to be his father instead. Said he wanted us to get married.”

Harea’s eyebrows lift at the news. “He didn’t tell me any of that,” she admits.

Cullen’s cheeks are a bit pink. “I didn’t know how to tell him no,” he admits. “I thought I should, but… he looks up to her. “I didn’t want to change that.”

Harea sighs slowly. “Cullen, I don’t think anything you could do short of disappearing too would make Karl love you any less, but if you want him to keep calling you Ser Cullen, you should just tell him. You don’t have to just indulge him. In fact, I wish you–”

“I’m not just indulging him,” Cullen says quietly, and Harea stops speaking mid-word. “I’m… rather fond of him, myself. Duncan as well, though we spend less time together.”

Harea clenches her jaw for a moment, then follows Cullen’s example and downs the rest of her drink too. He takes the glass from her and sets it next to his on the desk. “I should say I don’t want him to get too attached, but it may be too late for that. I don’t want him devastated when this is all over and you move on to command the next army somewhere.” She waves her hand vaguely toward the east wall. “For Queen Anora, or whoever needs you.”

Cullen’s cheeks are still pink, but he doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “I will be here as long as you, as long as the Inquisition needs me.”

Harea nods. “Thank you, Cullen.” She stands a little straighter, tugs at the end of her long braid. “I’ll speak to Karl. Tell him… tell him it’s okay.”

Cullen nods at her, the scarred corner of his lips lifting in a smile, and Harea slips from her office before she has time to think about why her chest feels so warm.

[daihell]

Some post-Trespasser feels. 

They had been talking all evening, Dorian sitting at his desk with the crystal glowing gently beside him, quill held loosely in his hand and paperwork forgotten as they recounted the events of their days. It was strange, for so long they had shared nearly every moment of the day. Now they did everything alone and Dorian found himself constantly looking forward to when he could finally share it all with Elden, and hear everything he had done in return.

It was late now, however, and as a silence grew between them, Dorian wondered if Elden had fallen asleep. The only sound now was the scratching of Dorian’s quill as he returned to his work. This was often how they ended the day, leaving the crystal open so they could just listen to each other and pretend they were in the same room again. Even just falling asleep to the sound of Elden’s even breathing was comforting. Well, more comforting than the silence that was left when he would finally put the crystal away. Eventually, though, Elden spoke and broke the silence.

“I’m afraid,” Elden said, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted Dorian to hear.

“Of what?” Dorian tried to keep his voice nonchalant but he felt his blood run cold and he nearly dropped the quill in his haste to pick up the crystal. Danger seemed to be all around them these days and he couldn't help but hold the crystal tightly, as if that could somehow shield Elden as well.

“A lot of things,” Elden began with a heavy sigh. The lack of urgency at least calmed Dorian slightly. “Of losing you, most of all. I worry one day we’ll run out of things to say. Then our conversations will get shorter and shorter until one day I’ll call and you won’t want to answer.”

“Why am I the one to lose interest in this scenario?” Dorian asked, eyebrow raised. It would be amusing in it’s absurdity if he wasn’t so concerned for Elden’s wellbeing. Stranded alone as they were, it was easy to let old doubts and fears creep back in. They’d promised to talk instead of letting it fester, however, and Dorian told himself that this was good. Elden was talking, they could get through this. They’d be all right. They had to be.

“Because you’re out doing great things and I feel like I’m stagnating,” Elden said dejectedly

“You’re helping Kirkwall and Maker knows they could use all they can get,” Dorian pointed out.

“And while I’m here drawing up blueprints, you’re out fighting and saving all of Tevinter. I can’t help but think that eventually you’ll find someone else, someone who can actually keep up with you. And you’d deserve it, of course, and maybe I’m being selfish by holding you back--”

Perhaps it wasn’t the best reaction, but Dorian interrupted him with a laugh he just couldn’t hold back. “Need I remind you that you saved the world not too long ago? And here I thought I was the one trying to keep up with you.”

“No,” Elden said quickly, almost desperately. “You’ve never had anything to prove.”

“And neither have you,” Dorian said, slightly annoyed at Elden’s tendency to doubt himself while reassuring others. “Haven’t we had this conversation before?” Elden had done so much and he wished he could see himself the way Dorian did.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Elden replied dejectedly.

“No no,” Dorian said. “Please continue. I know this isn’t easy.”

“I know you keep telling me I’m the same man but it doesn't really feel that way.”

“Why, because you lost your hand?”

“And the Inquisition. And you,” Elden added reluctantly. “I feel like I failed. The Inquisition only put more people in danger.”

“You certainly haven’t failed; you stopped Corypheus after all and saved most of Thedas in the process. And you certainly haven’t lost me,” Dorian said as gently as he could. “Maker, Elden, I love you but you are infuriating.”

“That’s why you love me though, right?” Elden asked and he sounded so despondent Dorian���s chest ached.

“Of course I love you,” Dorian said and he couldn’t help but smile, rubbing a thumb across the crystal, wishing he could see Elden, touch him, reassure him any way he could. He hated that he had to leave Elden so soon and he feared he had made a mistake, not staying longer. But this was no time for guilt. Reassuring Elden was more important. “To be completely honest, it’s frightfully boring here without you and I’m not just saying that. Surely you’ve gathered that our talks are the highlight of my day. I know you’re afraid things are changing but I promise you I’m not leaving you behind. I miss you. I’m not going to stop missing you until I’m at your side again.”

“I miss you too,” Elden said and Dorian could hear the tears in his voice.

“We’ll see each other again soon,” Dorian assured him, biting his lip to hold back his own emotions. “You’re the one who said not too long ago that we’d get through this. And we will.” Really, though, he wasn’t completely sure if he was trying to reassure himself or Elden.

“I’m sorry I keep doing this,” Elden said with a frustrated sigh and Dorian could imagine him rubbing at his face as he tried to compose himself. “And I’m sorry, I don’t doubt you and I know I’m not being fair.”

“Nonsense,” Dorian said dismissively. “I seem to recall you reassuring me not too long ago. We can trade off, perhaps every other week?” That won him a little chuckle and Dorian smiled before continuing more gently. “We will get through this, amatus.” 

“What a pair we make, constantly trying to save the world,” Elden replied, sniffling a little. “Sometimes it feels like our work will never be done.”

“I promise this won’t be forever. We’ll be together again soon. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“And I couldn’t have done anything as Inquisitor without you. I love you so much,” Elden said, his voice impossibly fond.

“And I love you, amatus” Dorian replied.

They were silent for a moment before Elden spoke again. “Are you going to go to sleep?”

“I think I’ll stay up a bit longer,” Dorian said, eyeing the stack of papers beside him.

“Can you tell me what you’re doing? I don’t really want to think right now.”

“Fine, but I suggest you get comfortable. This is all so agonizingly boring it may just put you to sleep. Do you know how much paperwork one has to do to make any headway in the Magisterium?”

“No, but I expect I’ll have a good idea by the end of the night,” Elden replied and Dorian was pleased that he could hear the smile in his words.