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ashwhowrites · 1 year ago

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An idea that popped in my head before bed. I hope you guys enjoy it! Been a bit since I've written my own Robin idea so I hope it's worth the read 🫶🏻🩷

Robin writes a love note for Vickie but accidentally puts it in Readers locker

Wrong locker

Robin has been trying to figure out the best way to confess her feelings to Vickie. Robin figured since she couldn't even speak a word to the pretty redhead in general, writing down her feelings would be best. But Robin didn't want to sound like a crazy stalker so she settled for a simple love note.

Robin took a deep breath as she walked to Vickie's locker, she slipped the pink paper in the small cracks. She held her breath as the note dropped in. The sound of the bell had her racing to the other side of the hallway. She tried to look busy but kept her eye on the locker.

She smiled as Vickie walked up, but her stomach dropped when she noticed Vickie was opening the locker next to the one with the note. Robin panicked, whose locker was the note in?

Fear filled Robin's bones as Y/N walked up. The girl's atmosphere was terrifying. Her leather jacket smelled of cigarettes and perfume. Her healed black boots echoed down the halls. Her tight jeans framed her body along with her tight band T-shirt. She was intimating, and she liked to be. Her sharp eyes glared at anyone who looked at her. A snarl on her lips if anyone bothered to talk near her.

Robin felt like she wanted to die when Y/N opened her locker, the pink note falling to Y/N's feet. Robin prayed she wouldn't pick it up, maybe stomp on it and move on.

But no, Y/N picked up the note. Robin was stuck in her spot, she needed to run but she couldn't move.

Y/N tried to keep the smile off her face. No one has seen her smile and that wasn't going to change. But she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter at the sweet note. She knew she was intimidating and scared people off. But she's never had someone see her in such a romantic way.

She knew of Robin Buckley, the cute bandgirl. Y/N played on the volleyball team and the band always played at their games. Was Robin watching her the whole time?

Y/N put the note in her pocket, closing her locker. She turned around to walk to class when she spotted Robin staring. Once they made eye contact, Robin looked down at her shoes.

Please don't walk up to me

Please please please

"Hey Buckley," Y/N's voice ran shivers up Robin's spine. She gulped and looked up. Y/N stood in front of her, her confident frame stood tall.

"I'm sorry! The note was-" Robin went to explain what happened but Y/N cut her off.

"The note was very sweet. Thank you, it made my day. I'll call you." Y/N said, a smirk on her face as she took in Robin's nervous frame.

Robin didn't dare to breath until Y/N strutted off.

~~~

"And turns out it was the wrong locker!" Robin explained, her voice wavering between pitches. Her nervous hands were shaking as she told the story to Steve.

Steve nodded along with his arms crossed. Robin tended to talk throughout their shifts and not do any work. So Steve picked up the slack. But the place was dead so gossip time took full attention.

"Whose did it end up in?" Steve asked, he uncrossed his arms as he reached to grab his drink.

"Y/N."

Steve's eyes went wide and his water flew out of his mouth. Steve was a grade above Y/N throughout high school, and even he was terrified of her. He prayed he'd never run into her after graduation. Her sneer and hard eyes kept him up at night. He still has nightmares about the day he ran into her, his hot coffee staining her shirt. Steve could almost feel the bruises on his cheek forming again.

"You're fucked!" Steve said.

"Dingus! Don't you think I know that? She said she was going to call me! What the hell do I do?" Robin panicked.

"Maybe she won't call you! Let's not stress about anything yet." Steve said

~~~

Robin sighed in relief when she crawled into bed, not a single phone call from Y/N. Maybe Y/N just wanted to make Robin nervous and never planned to do anything about the note.

Ring

Robin gulped as she picked up the phone, she hoped more than anything that Steve was calling about his lame date.

"Sorry, gorgeous. Volleyball went very late." Y/N's voice traveled through the phone, and it still made Robin nervous.

"It's okay." Robin gulped, her fingers playing with the telephone cord.

"I know this place downtown, maybe Friday night after the game, we can go?"

Robin tried to say no, all she had to do was explain the mix-up. But she was scared of Y/N's reaction. One date couldn't hurt, maybe Y/N would realize how boring Robin was and wouldn't be interested.

~~~

Robin packed up her instrument, talking with Vickie about the game. Robin tried her best to keep the conversation going.

"Ready gorgeous?" Y/N asked. Robin couldn't help but blush at the nickname being said to her face. Y/N was sweaty and panting from the game, and Robin couldn't help but find it hot.

"Yeah just gotta pack up." Robin rushed out, her eyes meeting Y/N's for one quick second.

"Okay. I'm going to change then I'll meet you in the parking lot?" Y/N suggested. Robin nodded and felt the air return to her lungs when she walked away.

"What's going on?" Vickie asked, she didn't bother to hide how shocked she was.

"She kinda asked me out." Robin shrugged.

"Oh, cool," Vickie said, but Robin couldn't help but notice how displeased Vickie looked about the news. Was she jealous?

~~~

Robin tried not to stare at Y/N as they walked into the bar, but Y/N looked hot in her tight black jeans, tank top, and signature leather jacket. Robin tried to ignore how sweaty her palms were.

Robin was confused about why they'd go to a bar when they weren't of age, but Y/N knew the bartender it seemed. Y/N walked to the back booth, near a pool table.

Y/N had a beer and Robin had an iced tea. Y/N made good conversation and Robin was surprised by the things they had in common. Robin found herself enjoying Y/N's presence.

A few hours passed and Robin swung her feet as Y/N played pool. Robin didn't know how to play and she did not want to look like an idiot in front of Y/N.

"Come here and just try!" Y/N encouraged, she's been trying to get Robin to play for the last hour. But Robin kept shaking her head.

Y/N gave up on convincing Robin, instead, she'd make Robin do it.

Robin gulped as Y/N grabbed her hand and lifted her off the stool.

"No, I'm not any good!" Robin tried but Y/N shushed her. Y/N placed the stick in Robin's hand, stood behind her, and corrected her form. Robin couldn't help but feel slightly turned on as Y/N's body was pressed against her back. The feeling of Y/N's breath against her ear, and Y/N's arms wrapped around her, made Robin feel fuzzy.

Robin took a deep breath, letting Y/N guide her to hit the small white ball. Robin watched as the stick hit the ball, it rolled and rolled until it smacked into a red ball, disappearing into the corner.

"You did it!" Y/N cheered, Robin couldn't help but get lost in her dazzling smile. At that moment Y/N didn't seem so scary and intimidating. She looked beautiful and happy.

~~~

A few weeks passed and Robin cursed herself for leading Y/N on. Robin couldn't help but be swept up in all the dates and how special Y/N made her feel. It made Robin wonder why she never looked at Y/N in the first place.

But Robin was tugged between Vickie as well. The girl the note was made for. It seemed Vickie was jealous of all the dates between Robin and Y/N. Robin remembered the hard look in Vickie's eyes when she showed up in Y/N's jacket.

"Are you cold?" Y/N asked, her hand laced with Robin's as they walked through the carnival. Robin wore a thin long sleeve, not expecting the wind to be chilly.

"No, I'm fine!" Robin argued, but the shivering of her teeth and tight shoulders gave her up.

Y/N smiled and took off her jacket, placing the warm leather over Robin's shoulders. Immediately lacing their hands together again.

A jacket Robin still hasn't given back. She wore it every day to school. To make Vickie jealous? Or to have pride she got Y/N to go soft? She wasn't sure.

She felt torn between both girls.

~~~

"Do you like her?" Steve asked, he felt bad for the situation Robin got herself in.

"I think so? But I don't know if I like her because she makes Vickie jealous." Robin explained. She was stuck in her personal hell.

"Well if Vickie's jealous, it means she has feelings for you. So you have your answer. Vickie is interested and single. Do you want to go after her? Or stay with Y/N?"

"I think I want Vickie. I mean the note was meant for her but I'm afraid if Y/N finds out the note was for Vickie, she'll snap me in half " Or maybe she was worried it would snap Y/N in half.

~~~

Robin sat across Y/N as she sipped on a milkshake. Robin's stomach hurt too much to enjoy the sweetness.

"Are you okay? You look like you might be sick." Y/N said, her milkshake pushed to the side as she reached across for Robin's hand. Robin gulped as Y/N's soft thumb rubbed her skin.

Just say it, Robin repeated in her head. She needed to tell the truth before Y/N truly fell for Robin.

"I need to tell you something," Robin said, her free hand gripping the leather jacket by her lap. Y/N encouraged her with a small smile.

"Remember the note?"

"Of course I do." Y/N smiled

"I put it in the wrong locker," Robin said quickly, wincing as the words finally were put into the air.

"What do you mean?" Y/N asked, her head turned as she tried to understand.

"I wrote the note for Vickie and I was scared to tell you. " Robin looked up to catch Y/N's reaction. The smile turned upside down as a frown covered its place. Robin has never seen so much emotion on Y/N's face. And just like she feared, the terrifying hard mask appeared on Y/N's face.

Robin tried not to flinch as Y/N removed her hand and moved it quickly into her lap. Robin's palm smacked the table. As always, Robin ran her mouth until she made it worse.

"And I just didn't want to hurt you! And I was a little scared you'd break me in half. So I went along with the date, not expecting you'd like me! Because like I'm me and I'm so boring compared to you. I figured you'd see dating me was blah and wouldn't be interested. But then you asked for more dates and I was-"

"Scared to say no, yeah got it." Y/N barked. She was an idiot to believe someone saw her as something else than a scary monster that lurked in the halls. All this time, she thought Robin saw something in her, something worth liking and learning to love. But no, Robin was scared just like everyone else.

Y/N refused to let how upset she was shown on her face. She shook it off and grabbed her wallet. She slammed down some bills on the table, the harsh air hitting Robin's hand, she flinched again.

Robin was scared to look up as Y/N stood up. She was too scared to see the look on Y/N's face.

"Look at me," Y/N growled, Robin swallowed nervously and looked up. But there was a softness in Y/N's eyes.

"You're not boring, and you're not blah. You're funny, fun, and beautiful. Don't think so low of yourself. Next time, make sure the note goes in the right locker. I'll see you around Buckley."

Robin didn't know what to say. Y/N walked off, leaving her jacket with Robin.

~~~

Robin barely slept that night. She felt so guilty, and not all relieved. She thought telling Y/N would take the weight off her shoulders, but it was the opposite. The weight on her shoulders now crushed down on her chest.

Y/N's jacket thrown over Robin's desk chair was a painful reminder she had to see Y/N again.

The next morning, Robin held the jacket in her arms as she walked up to Y/N's locker.

"Um hey," Robin said quietly, Y/N and Vickie looked up at the sound of her voice. Robin shrunk under the gaze of both girls.

Y/N figured she was talking to Vickie so she turned back around to her locker.

Robin couldn't help but feel like she was slapped in the face as Y/N ignored her completely.

"I have your jacket." She said, tapping Y/N's shoulder. Y/N turned around, grabbed the jacket, and slipped it back on her body. In a way Robin felt a weird feeling of pride. She knew it was Y/N's jacket in the first place, but Robin wore it for weeks to where it almost felt like hers. It felt like Y/N was wearing Robin's jacket.

"Thanks," Y/N muttered the locker behind her slammed shut as she quickly walked off. Y/N couldn't watch Robin and Vickie talk about their feelings.

"Yikes, she's back to cold." Vickie observed.

"Yeah I kinda broke things off," Robin explained, a feeling in her stomach as Vickie tried to fight off a smile.

"Oh that's too bad!" Vickie said, but Robin could hear the excitement in her voice. "What happened?"

"I wrote this note to ask you out and I accidentally put it in her locker. I've been too scared to tell her but I finally did. And I think she hates me." Robin said, looking over her shoulder but Y/N was long gone.

"Ask me out?" Vickie asked, a smile on her face.

"Yeah," Robin said with a smile. Her face warmed when Vickie reached forward to lace their hands together. Robin couldn't help but notice Vickie's grip wasn't as tight and safe as Y/N's. Robin didn't feel like she was protected like the way she did in Y/N's hands.

"I'd love to!" Vickie cheered, both girls sharing a bright smile.

But Robin couldn't help but feel an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

~~~

It didn't take long for Robin and Vickie to officially be together. Steve was proud of Robin for finally making a choice, but even he couldn't help but feel like it was the wrong one.

Robin spent every minute with Vickie, searching for the fluttering in her stomach that she had with Y/N. Robin thought it was fear but maybe it was excitement.

Robin tried to fight off the frown on her face when Y/N passed her in the halls. No more warm smile sent her way. Just a hard look, the same look she gave everyone else.

Was Vickie the right choice?

#robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley #robin buckley x female reader #robin Buckley fluff #robin buckley angst x female reader #robin buckley angst #robin buckley fluff x female reader #ashwhowrites #robin buckley fic

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marsdql · 15 days ago

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𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ p. childhood boyfriend!sim jaeyun ⤫ 𝘧𝘦𝘮!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳﹒wc: 9.2к﹒g. romantic drama, emotional romance, angst, slowburn, light fluff﹒cw. emotional distress, ghosting and abandonment, suidical thoughts, mental health struggles, manipulation, past trauma, reconciliation and healing, triggers of emotional abuse, toxicity, high levels of angst and emotional intensity, mild references to past toxic relationships. @wheretheheckis-ssaki

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ synopsis ﹒During middle school, you and a boy in your friend’s class—named Sim Jaeyun—were inseparable, you both had your own friendg roup, he was a popular guy on the soccer team while you were a normal girl, yet would talk to each other on the phone everyday the second the bell rang. You both eventually fell for each other but had to keep your relationship private due to drama with girls. A year later—after everyone found out about you guys, he unexpectedly distanced—then disappeared. 10 years later, when you move to France for a few weeks due to a project in uni, you and Jake cross paths once again. (NOT PROOFREAD)

Sim Jaeyun, he was the best boyfriend I could ever think of having, he was my first love, definitely. It started in the seventh grade, when he was in class 7G—the same class as my friends. I remember when my bestfriend first told me about how he’d catch people playing Roblox in class and signal it to the entire class—that’s when I started teasing him—he was my best friends locker buddy, so I’d see him everyday.

Everytime id see him—when he would be arguing about something stupid with his classmates, I’ll snarl at him, “shut up Jake! Go play your Roblox!”. For some odd reason, he was REALLY talkative, but the second I’d say that, he’d just shut up. He’d smile at me and continue packing his things to get to the bus, forgetting about the entire conversation he had with the people next to him.

Until one day, another normal day of me telling him the same line, he actually responded this time. ‘How about you go play Roblox, huh?’ He said. ‘Okay, I will then, make sure you join me in jayjay simulator!!!’ I replied—I don’t know why I said “jayjay”, it just came out—soon enough, that would be the name all the girls would start calling him—because of me. As I walked away with my bestfriend—heading to the bus, I whispered to her, “hey, you know, Jake is kinda cute.”

— rest below cut ! —

Later that day, I decided to add him on my phone, message him—tease him a little bit more, he was funny—his reactions. He wasn’t like other boys, when you’d argue with him, he’d do it in a goofy way, he wouldn’t say actual harmful stuff—not to me Atleast.

- Jake: who is this?

- You: You didn’t join me in jayjay simulator. :(

- Jake: Hehe, yes I did!!!

He was so cute, even his messages were adorable. Whenever I’d playfully roleplay and fake random situations, people would call me childish, but with him, he’d play along, fully convincing eachother that everything we said was real.

I was determined to talk to this guy everyday, I’d find a random topic that has been spreading around our grade so that everyday, after school, I’d message him, using it as an excuse to talk to him. And it worked! I noticed that he’d even find some stuff too, so that he could message me. Once, he asked me for anime recommendations even though everyone knows him and his friendgroup hated anime, they made fun of it—except for blue lock of course—since it’s football related.

During my pe class, his friends that were in my class were destroying me in badminton—they weren’t that good…..but I just sucked at the sport! He peeked in, hoping to waste time from his class, and I screamed “Jake!!! Help me, your friends are bullying me…”

he was such a nice person to me, I’d tease him and say that he was rude in order to keep talking to him—in my mind, if I was accusing him of something, it’d be another reason for him to keep responding to me— and of course, it worked, I’m just a genius.

We were genuinely so funny, we both wanted to talk to eachother whenever we had the chance, but didn’t know how. Our biggest highlight was when we’d send random emojis to eachother for 4 hours straight just because we had no conversation anymore.

On February 14th, at the valentines dance, we were pressured to hug by the crowd. At this point, I had the biggest crush on him but nobody knew. Since he was popular and quiet talk compared to the other boys(puberty hit him the earliest), most of my friends fancied him. I was stuck, how could I tell my friends that I liked him first, when I never told them? Anyway, we didn’t hug, we’re both so awkward and to be honest, I’m glad we didn’t, it’s too cringe hugging like that!

When we got home, he messaged me, telling me he’s sorry he didn’t hug me because….. his teacher was watching and didn’t want him to tell his parents??? What a stupid excuse… That’s not the point, Y/n get back into the topic! I don’t remember how we got to the conversation but we were talking about crushes, who we liked. I kid you not, it took us 3 hours to confess, and it was so obvious we were saying we liked each other! We kept asking each other for hints, obvious ones. But eventually, we both said each others name at the same time. I remember so vividly that I was playing cards with my brother, unable to focus because of the joy I was feeling after reading my name pop up.

Now that I look back at it, I realize how mature we were for our age, even though we confessed, we didn’t do anything about it, we didn’t start dating or anything—just got really awkward, stopped talking in real life after that…

Fast forward the summer of 7th grade, when we got together July 2nd at 2am. To be honest, it wasn’t the way I expected it to be.

A girl from my grade messaged me:

- g/n: Hey! You’re close to Jake, right?

- You: Hi g/n! And yeah, I am, why?

- g/n: well… me and him have been messaging for 2 weeks now and I kinda like him. I was hoping you’d help me?

I beg your pardon? Me? Help you? I don’t even know this girl, all I knew was that she was some popular girl in a big friendgroup. That friendgroup was always around jake’s, they craved their attention so much—it disgusted me. But, it’s not like he’s my boyfriend, who am I to say no, maybe he likes her.

I helped her that entire night—telling her to text him certain things that only I knew he’d enjoy. They started doing the same thing me and him did on Valentine’s Day, guessing each other’s crushes, it took me aback, I self sabotaged myself—for no reason at all. During all of it, he was messaging me at the same time, acting a sweet to me. For no reason at all, he sent me this out of context message, “Y/n, I enjoy messaging you a lot.” Seconds later,

- g/n: He was taking too long to tell me his crush so I just told him I like him and asked if he wants to get together!

What? Did I just read that right… I acted as if I didn’t see her message and went to respond to jake’s instead. “Oh really?” I questioned him, my heart was beating so fast at this point, I didn’t know what was going to happen, it has been months and we’re still in a talking stage, surely he wouldn’t get with a girl he started talking to just 2 weeks ago, right? That’s what I thought until another message popped up.

- g/n: GIRL OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU HE JUST SAID YES OMGOMG.

the second she said that, he responded to me, “yeah, I really do, you’re my favourite person to talk to.” Oh heck no. I’m hysterically sobbing—what the hell?

Okay I can’t do this deep detail stuff, fast forward again—he told me and the girl goodnight—well actually, he only told the girl goodnight, I’m the one who told him goodnight before he could say anything else because I was so close to blocking him. But, I couldn’t hold it in, I had to confront him.

- You: Jake, I know you’re not asleep, respond

- Jake: What’s up?

- You: Tell me now, who’s your crush?

- Jake: you already know who

- You: no I don’t, who is it

- Jake: you

- You: then why did you just ask out g/n?

- Jake: who told you

- You: it doesn’t matter who told me, answer me.

- Jake: I promise you I’ll tell you when you tell me who told you

I tried so hard to keep my composure, but I told him everything. Then, I asked him politely, “who do you want? Me or g/n?” no intention in making him choose between us, I genuinely wanted to know because I didn’t want to be lead on if he liked g/n—and I didn’t want g/n to be lead on in this relationship if he liked me. I never made him choose between us, I simply asked him who he liked because he just agreed to dating a girl 2 hours ago and is now telling me he likes me, anyone in my situation would’ve done that, right?

- Jake: you I pick you

- Jake: I want you

- Jake: I’m so sorry I was just desperate for someone and I thought you liked one of my friends at this point, I was so desperate I just agreed to her.

We got together right after he broke up with her the following morning—maybe it was kind of stupid of us to do it so soon, but we were both waiting in eachother since the day we confessed all those months ago, it was summer, everything felt right, we had a huge conversation that night and talked about eachother and all our hidden secrets til 4am. In that conversation, we also made it clear that we would keep our relationship private because he had friends who liked me and I also had multiple who liked him.

Riingg ! — back into reality.

8:00am, you get up, brush your teeth, and your hair, wear a basic outfit you barely looked at before picking, and walk to the train station—waiting a few minutes for it to arrive.

There goes your alarm, woah, you just experienced your entire love story with Jake again, in a dream—you almost thought it was real. You're now 22, can’t believe that all happend 10 years ago. It feels as if it happend yesterday. Although, a lot has changed since then, You're not the same as before, you arent in middle school, or high school at all—but rather studying medicine in one of your dream universities. Your personality has changed a lot, the way you act has matured a lot aswell—you now know that you don’t need to be a brat in order to get people’s attention, hah…

Although your life has changed, the place to where your mind wanders hasn’t. You still remember the time you and Jake risked a day to go on a field trip downtown to a haunted house in the 8th grade—right after summer. You remember all the stares you got as you walked together—not even holding hands or anything, just simply walking. Everyone would ship you guys together—yet got so mad when they suspected that you two were dating.

A few days—not even—a few hours after the field trip, pictures of me and him were spreader everywhere. I was officially done for. My friends had left me a little before it all, I was already dealing with that loss—and now, I had to deal with the entire population of girls in my grade hating on me—simply for hanging out with a friend everyone knew I was close to.

I just didn’t get it. Everyone would ship us, everyone knew we were close, we didn’t even kiss—or hold hands—or hug—or anything! Why did everyone get so mad? They didn’t know or get the confirmation that we were dating—so why did I get ignored by everyone so secretively? Nobody talked to me about it, rumours spread about me and only me—about Jake—just me. The worse thing was, I didn’t have a say in anything. Nobody could say anything to my face, it was all behind my back, nobody dared to say anything while I was around, I never found out what they said—only small details of my last remaining friends that would overhear small stuff from crowds.

That’s basically how my entire 8th grade was like. I know some people would see it as a compliment that nobody could say anything to my friend—not even humiliate or bully me for it, but I felt as if it was the biggest curse ever. I never had a chance to speak about it, talk my feelings.

The worse part is—Jake said it was going to be okay, he didn’t care about what people thought about us. But just a month after the entire incident—he ghosted me for two weeks, came back to say sorry then did it again for two weeks. Then, it became a month and came back later to talk about how he was moving to France at the end of the year. I knew about it already, I was the only person he told, but it felt so much wise because he was talking about it during a period where he was just constantly ghosting me.

It was soon going to be his birthday so I decided to send him a huge paragraph:

I’ve deleted every single person off my Snapchat to make sure we keep that “you and Jake have been each other's number one best friend for 2 months!” Even though it’s been almost a year since we had it, you know it only changes from 2 weeks, 2 months and two years. Yet still, you lost it. So so busy of you to lose that feature, texting someone else. I saw you online for a good 3 hours. How are you busy?

I said I don’t mind if you’re busy because we each have our own lives, but you’re completely ghosting me.

I can’t take a single apology from you anymore it makes me even more angry and frustrated I hate how much you take advantage of me because you know I’ll be the first to say “it’s alright” or “don’t think about it too much, I forgive you” and completely forget about every single breakdown I’ve had because of you.

I hate all of your sorry messages I hate the way I felt so happy each time you apologize even though you never changed, I hate when I begged you to stop calling you a bad boyfriend even though you are not only a bad boyfriend but the worst newest person that entered my life, I hate how much I can’t stop loving you despite all of the pain and hatred I’m getting from you, I hate how much I miss the times you were actually excited to text me, I hate it when I actually believed that you’d love me forever, I hate it when we talked about our future together and how we both prayed to be soulmates, I hate how you’re always the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up, do something, cry, laugh, lay down, work, and every single other thing I do in my life. I hate how much I love you more than you love me and I hate even more how much I’m aware of it. I hate the night you killed me inside and still found a way to make me happy in the end with your tricks. I hate how happy you look in real life when I see you with your friends knowing I have one friend and always have to plan ahead if she’s not here, how I have problems with everyone and even that current friend I’m not happy around, compared to you and your amazing friend group where everyone loves you and you love them.

I hate how you still manage to have a smile on your face even when we’re not texting. I don’t understand how much I hate you right now but it’s not hate as in how much I hate my old friends, it’s a hate of sadness and of “how could you do this to me” hate. I hate you so much I can’t get rid of you. I love you too much and that’s why I hate you. I hope to one day look back at my 8th grade and hopefully say that all this pain was all worth it in the end because I’ve ruined my childhood so much 7-8th grade because of you.

Tomorrow January 12 2024 will be the day me and you met last year. We’ve known each other for a year. Why does it feel like I’ve known you my whole life and I’ve felt miserable since birth? I can't do this anymore.

I wish I could be as happy as you when you’re with your friends, I wish I could be as careless as you, I wish I could go months without texting their partner just like you, I wish I didn’t need to worry if someone’s going to leave me or not, I wish I could have peace and calmness in my life, I wish I had friends I actually enjoyed, I wish I didn’t need to feel so lonely all the time, I wish I didn’t have to look down whenever I see you in the hallways so that I don’t embarrass myself, I wish I wasn’t always so angry, I wish I didn’t care so much about everything, I wish I wasn’t sensitive, I wish I was crying right now, I wish I could leave and forget everyone I met last and this year including you, I wish I didn’t start talking to you, I wish I was your first and only option, I wish I didn’t think of you everytime a song came up, I wish I didn’t think of you when I see something that I know you like, I wish I could find an end to all the things that come up to mind that don’t stop flowing when I’m writting these, I wish I didn’t waste all that money on you, I wish that Snapstreak I paid back for because you lost it, wasn’t lost again because you just didn’t feel like doing it anymore, I wish I didn’t cry to sad songs because they remind me of you, I wish I didn’t see myself in every mentally unstable situation, I wish I could go to sleep peacefully, I wish you were there when I needed you most, I wish you felt the way I felt, I wish you experienced the stuff I went through, I wish you could understand how I feel, I wish you would listen to me for once, I wish you’d understand the things I feel, I wish you knew how much I’m hurting, I wish I could tell someone about all my problems without feeling guilty afterwards, I wish I could shut my mouth up and stop talking so much especially when nobody enjoys it, I wish you’d snap-text me the way we used to, I wish you’d randomly tell me how much you love me like before, i wish you would beg me for forgiveness when you’d forget to reply for like 5 mins unlike how you leave me on delivered on purpose for 2 days now, I wish you felt grateful for me still being here, I wish I could move places and forget everything, I wish my sins weren’t all on my back even though I’m trying to move on, i wish I could move on from you, I wish I could forget about you the way you so easily forgot about me, I wish I could go to sleep without crying, I wish I could stop listening to my thoughts, I wish everyone would like me like you, I wish you’d understand everything and everyone I lost because I was with you, I wish you’d see how much people hate me because I’m with you and they were jealous, I wish you realize that i didn't care about how I have no friends because I knew I’d be able to talk to u when I get back home, that’s why I’m hurting so much now.

I wish you could ignore the girls that try to hit you up, just like how I do with the boys that simply want to be my friend, I wish you understood how stupidly I miss you, I wish you could treat me how I wish a man could treat me, I wish you’d never leave to France, I wish you never find a new person in France, I wish you’d understand how I can’t live without you anymore and it’s all your fault, I wish you’d see and understand that I feel so worried because I don’t want to lose you, I wish you’d comprehend that I wouldn’t get jealous for no reason and that I was overprotective but rather that you’re my first love and I’m scared of losing you, I wish you’d understand how much I try to talk to you and be around you, I wish you know and see how I finish all my work early or do it later just to try and be able to talk to you as much as I can, I wish you’d know how I’m writing all of this right now instead of revising for my test tomorrow. I wish I wouldn’t feel so tired after crying about you for just a few minutes, I wish my eyes weren’t always heavy because of you and crying because of you, I wish I could stop loving you forever.

Happy birthday Jake! Whenever I write ur name it always pops up as “JAKEEE” and it might sound stupid but I smile everytime I see it. I’m writing this at 11:19pm, on a day where you’re ghosting me, again for the second time. I don’t know what’s the reason this time, knowing you couldn’t keep your promise of not doing it again that you said not even a week ago.

I hope you’re aware I’m not stupid, I see when you’re online, I know you’ve left me on delivery for two days on purpose. When I said I don’t know about your reason “this time”, I in fact don’t know a lot of things that you do. When you’re in trouble I know you go on your phone for a couple minutes, you just decide to not even check up on me with that time. It sounds pathetic and unimportant but in my point of view it’s the most gut wrenching thing to know because I would, without a doubt, pick you out of everyone to talk to if I was going to die and had one last chance to talk to someone.

I’m typing all of this and I’m not even sure if we’ll make it till your birthday but, I’ve decided to completely forget about you when it hits 2024 if you still kept ghosting me because I wanna turn into a new person and throw away my past and all my old mistakes behind me that have been affecting my present. I try so hard to give myself excuses about you not texting, maybe you’re doing something with your parents like you said you were doing, maybe it was a surprise trip! But then I think more and realize that if you wanted to text me and say why you couldn’t text, you would’ve and if you couldn’t, you would’ve tried.

I hate how much I love you and I hate how much I’m aware that you don’t love me the same amount. My December is the absolute definition of “Hell”. I decided to wait for winter break to talk to you all about it and make myself better. What a fool I was for waiting and thinking you’d still text me the same. I hate how we text now, I don’t care about anything I just wanna feel special texting you the way we used to.

When I used to always tell you how tired I am based on how tired you are(like when you weren't tired and I was, I’d lie and say I wasn’t either, don’t know if you know what I’m talking about) I’d say it because I know myself, I know how if you were sad I’d be sad, if you’re happy I’m happy, when you’re not around I’m sad and when you’re around I’m happy.

You don’t understand the times I Thanked god each time you texted me back, even when it turned into an argument. I rather argue with you instead of no contact. That's how much I enjoy texting you. No matter how much I’ve cried and felt miserable being with you at times, I can’t seem to let you go. No matter how many boys that have liked me and I’ve never told you about, I decided to ignore and move on with my life. No matter how handsome they were, I myself don't understand why I see something in you that I don’t see with anyone else. Not being able to let you go is what kills me and I physically cannot live without you.

I can’t live a few hours without you, especially when I don't know the reason why you’re gone. When you told me you leave the people you don’t like texting on delivery, you told me that February 2023, a few days before the Valentine’s dance. If I told my February 2023 self that I’d be one of those people you keep on delivering, I’d laugh and start talking about how you’re such an amazing person.

And what’s worse is, I still laugh at myself and talk the best about you, even when I know deep down all the things I would rather swallow glass than go through again when I was with you.

I remember all our memories like it was yesterday, Jan 12, the first conversation when I added you on discord and you asked me “who is this” and i replied with “why didn’t you join me in nana simulator”. That day when going in the bus I told ____ “hey that Jake guy is kinda cute” but didn’t think it would get this far.

The time you made that stupid lie about not hugging me because mister ____ was there and u didn’t want ur parents to know.. I knew it was a lie, and I wasn’t upset that you didn’t hug me, I was uncomfortable as well at that moment, I was upset because someone hit me.

The night you got with g/n that was the same night you got with me. Every single conversation we had I remember it, even the stupid moment when you said you only liked g/n 40%. You say a lot of stupid things that turn out funny, that’s why I try to make myself feel better thinking you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but I forget that you’re not a child and you know everything you do.

I seriously wish I was lying when I say I never cried this much in my life except when I met you, even now. Right now, you’re even active on Instagram and of course I’m still on delivery. I’ve never felt so pathetic and embarrassed in my life, just looking at that “delivered 2D” thing on ur name. How I watched your name go from “jake” to “Jake❤️” to “jaeyun” to “j” to your original name on snap that you have on default. “⚽️”.

I love you so much that even my mother loves you. Whenever you weren’t texting me (practically the entire December), my mother would ask me about you a lot, I knew she loved you so much and I didn’t want you to have a bad look to my mother so I’d lie to her for you and tell her that you just texted me that you couldn’t text and whenever she’d ask me again, I’d tell her that you were saying the truth and u haven’t went online ever since, even though I knew that you were online half of the time.

I’ve tried seeing you all the time at school just to look at you and act if we are still texting, even if it meant crying a bit in class while thinking about you because I was left without explanation and you always look so happy, despite my absence in your life.

I keep lying to myself and saying that you mean the words you say to me but I know you don’t try to see me in every person you come across the same way I do, you don’t think of me the second you wake up at night the way I do, you would never look for me In a room full of girls.

I wake up from dreams in the middle of the night and even if it was a nightmare my first thought would be you, even if most likely the nightmare would have something to do with you. When my phone is next to me and I wake up, the first thing I do is put my phone down and in my head I say “please say you texted�� knowing that each time it’s never you. I go back to sleep and wait for a message knowing I’d never wake up again if it were the case. I say I wish you could communicate more so I could understand how much you love me but, do you not love me as much because you lack communication or do you lack communication because you don’t love me as much.?

I don’t really know how this happy birthday thing turned into a whole story about my love life with you and how miserable I’ve been ever since school started again. It’s 2:01am now and I just can’t seem to fall asleep when you’re on my mind. My head hurts thinking so much about you, my head goes dizzy and my eyes start to pump as if they have their own heartbeat, disgusting..

I love you so much I wish I could forget about you for my own well being.

7 snaps in the morning, none of them are you. So many boys on my phone yet you're still the only one I wish would text me. My head knows ur bad for me but my heart doesn’t wanna leave you, I’m scared of losing every opportunity of being able to be with you, but I guess I’m just wasting that time with my own well being.

3 days doesn't sound like a lot but when you’re always online and ignoring me on purpose, it sure is a long time. I wish I could leave you on delivery for that long. I tried to ignore you a few times but I couldn’t last more than 4 minutes. It hurts how much we are different in this relationship and how much love is we feel is unequal

I tried as much as I could to keep you as my number one best friend on snap. I told my entire best friend list that I couldn’t talk so that nobody would go up, and it still managed to get ruined. Lina spent her days spamming me and making me reply to stories she posts so that she could take the number one best friend list on my list, and it worked. I doubt I was still yours anyway.

It’s funny because it’s news years and 2 years ago, this was the day i met the online friend who left me.

The one I was attached with for 2 years and ruined my entire mental health throughout 6 and 7th grade. The one that YOU replaced. The one I talked about for hours with you on TikTok, the one I told you I would tell everything and ever since he left, you were the new person I started acting as if it was him.

That guy, that nasty guy I was best friends with, blocked me for fun and ghosted me just to see me suffer without him, and you’re just repeating all of it.

I know you’re never going to message me, yet I realize I keep checking my lock screen every 5 minutes, your Instagram status, your reposts, your snap score, everything. I keep myself on not disturb but keep checking to hope that maybe, just maybe, you would’ve decided to check my messages and reply.

If I knew that night was gonna be the last time we were gonna talk to each other, I would’ve listened to my gut and begged you to stay. I’ve repeated many things, this entire “paragraph”(more like a book lol.) is in scrabbles because I don’t know how to explain myself, I write so much each time and just keep feeling the same, no happiness.

I know I said if you don’t text before it hits 2024, I’d forget you and erase you from my life because I’m trying to change, but the truth is, I’m sure that even if you text me after, I’d reply the second I see your name. Although I might be still a little too confident thinking you’d text at all. I don’t want to leave you, even when I know it’s better for me. I want to text you “I wanna break up” so you could make some sense when you’re half swiping my message and quickly reply, but I’m scared that you wouldn’t question it and instead just say okay and leave for good.

I hate always being the one that gets attached in relationships, especially when the other isn’t.

I hate how when you came back after ghosting me for 2 weeks before ghosting me again this time, you were acting as if you were embarrassed and very guilty about what you did, you made me feel bad for you. While I was the one suffering and crying every chance I got, I was the one comforting you. “You don’t need to say sorry, I knew you wouldn’t do this without a reason, I know you wouldn’t mean it.

Even before you came back and said sorry, I had forgiven you. I just want you to focus on yourself but please, communicate with me next time, I’ll understand you.” Those were the words I told you. Why can’t anyone comfort me the same way I comfort people? Why were those the words I wanted to hear? Why are you, the one who makes me smile and who makes me wanna die as well, why are you the only reason I wanna keep living? Why do I see my life only as Important because I know if I died I wouldn’t be able to text you anymore?

I see you use Snapchat by your snap score going up, gosh it feels so pathetic to know I’m still on delivered. Stop doing this to me please I beg you it hurts too much I can’t handle any of it anymore. My eyes are constantly stinging and it hurts so much, I don’t deserve this, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, with me, not at the look of me going crazy over you not texting me. I’ve been crying for hours and usually I’d run out of tears to cry, why is it that I keep gaining more this time?

Oh please, come back to me, I bear seeing anyone else with you. Our stupid conversations about getting married and lasting forever with eachother, why have you forgotten all of it?

I would’ve never thought i'd feel this way, i thought I loved my life and the only stress I had was school, why am I on winter break and going absolutely insane in the bathroom and in my room over a person like you.

I would’ve never thought id ever wanna die, why do I feel like it’s my only option to peace right now? Suicidal? No way! But I seriously can’t escape from the thought of you, I need you out of my life, but that would be worse, I just wish I never met you, that’s also a lie. I wish you never changed, I miss the times you would care about how I felt.

This month, December, is my worst year. I needed you most at this time, why did you make it harder for me, purposely? Remember when you got mad at me for playing with ___? Haha I was so sad you were ignoring me again and you admitted you didn’t wanna talk, I loved how overprotective you were acting, but why were you jealous about him when he treats me better than you? Why do I love you more than someone who treats me so much better?.

Wow, when I finished writing that, you checked my message. Dec 31 7:14. Opened. Let me guess, you’re gonna start apologizing “MY BAD MY MAD IM SO SORRY I GOT IN TROUBLE.”

And would you look at that, I wrote in my notes app:

Yup, just as a I thought, Jake: MB MY PARENTS TOOK MY PHONE. I sent this to him, all he had to say was he needed time alone and said “see u” when I said “byeee” what the hell. If I killed myself it wouldn’t be enough for this man..??? He doesn’t text me properly for almost a month and he needs TIME ALONE??? Ugh! Happy new years! I told him happy new years on 12 exactly and all he said was “thanks u to” and I said I was gonna become nicer and he said “cool” so I’m going to be straight up with him and ask if we are breaking up. I don’t wanna wait anymore t’il HE'S READY. All he said was no. Wth — His last words were; I love you so much, I'm sorry, I'll message you when i get the chance.

It’s safe to say, I really was going insane. He never texted me again in 8th grade after that—until, the summer before 9th grade. I remember how he asked if we could talk when I have time, he was in France by now by the way. I told him that I was surprised that I’m hearing him again, and said sure. All he had to say was, “I’m sorry for everything I did, I’m sorry for ghosting you and all, I was really going through it” I beg your pardon?

That’s all he wanted to talk about? Quickly, I respond with:

- you: No, Jake. I want to know what happend , why did you do that?

- Jake: I promise you, It was personal problems y/n

He was so stubborn, I know it wasn’t the reason, we would go through things but we’d go through them together—not the way he did it. But, i always saw the good in him, even in that moment, i wasn’t angry at him. When I was with him, he was amazing—so I always wanted to keep that image of him and not swifch up so quickly just because he ghosted me for practically a year now. But still, i had to do what I had to do so—I asked him the big question:

- You: you know, we never properly broke up, so, what is it? Do u still like me? You haven’t talked to me in forever, you’re supposed to answer this.

- Jake: you first

Not this again.

- you: Jake no. You’re the one who left so you’re the one who answers it.

- Jake: no no just please you first

- You: Jake. What do you want from me? opened.

There he goes again, that was for real the last message. I never heard from him again-

“next stop, _____ university” —

There’s the train—perfect timing.

Today’s a weird day—maybe because it’s snowing, maybe because its the month he first started acting weird. Usually, you think of him before bed, not during the entire morning… You miss him, it’s been a while—You still wonder where he is now.

Sometimes, you wonder if you should drop out of university and become a famous model—maybe then he could recognise you and reach out.

You can barely remember his voice, you lost all my old videos from before you even started texting—those were the times you actually heard him speak, the rest was small talk and then completely no contact. Even when you guys were dating, you never spoke in real life—too scared and nervous.

You're finaly off the train—heading to class now, exams are coming up. You never got to experience it with Jake since he left to go to high-school in France, did I mention that already? You say to yourself. Actually, he had never removed his name from your school so when you had attendance on the first day of nineth grade, he was called in every single one of your classes. What a coincidence, you had never gotten in the same class for two years but then could’ve got all your first semester classes with him if he hadn’t left—what a way to play with your reason to live.

University isn’t like highschool anymore—it’s quieter, people are more focused on themselves than things that people have to say about eachother. You have a small group of friends that you met In highschool, you're glad you're still in touch despite how many years it’s been.

9:09am—huh??? Your class starts in a minute, shoot!

You dont know why you rushed to get to class so quickly… it’s too boring, You're bout to fall asleep. As you were about to lay your head on the desk and doze off—you heard your professor mutter something a little interesting for once.

“Okay students, this doesn’t have to do with our major but the board entered my name to do a small project out of context. Today, and for the following month, there will be 15 people from this class and the class that starts in 2 hours who will travel abroad—more specifically to France-“

That’s all you needed to hear—you didn’t care about the rest, you heard France and knew that you were going to be participating in this activity. It’ll be fun, you say, i'll get to experience how Jake lived in France, you say. You say it all, with no intentions of actually meeting Jake. You just wanted to experience what he experienced, maybe it'd make you feel a little closer to him. Like always, you made everything in your life, about him. It’s like he was famous in your mind.

You needed a break from your current place anyway, everything was all over the place, you felt as if you’ve been living the same days over and over again. Maybe this was an opportunity to change things a bit—get you out of your comfort zone.

You signed up so quickly to the program my teacher talked about a few days ago. You already found a roommate to stay with for the time you'll be staying there.

The guy you arranged to live with was a little bit younger than you, but you didn’t mind—you just needed a place to stay for a bit. You soon learned that he goes to the same university that you’ll be studying in, which is nice—you’ll have someone to help you around everything.

You’re counting the days until you leave—you called with the roommate and found out a few extra things about him. His name was ni-ki, he was also a foreigner except he’s permanently staying there. He’s in the same major as you and as you exchanged schedules, you saw that you guys had 2/4 classes together—that’s nice, already got a buddy to be with for half of your classes!

You're now in France, heading to your apartment—ready to meet Ni-ki. Right before you can manage to knock, he opens the door—as if he was waiting for you by the door. "Hey," he speaks, his voice low and deep. He was tall and slim—it reminded you of Jake. You don't know how he looks like anymore, you haven't in a while. The last time you saw him, he was tall, above all the boys in your grade, you don't know anything about him anymore actually.

Before you could continue being lost in thought, Ni-ki speaks up once again. "How about you go get some rest, you look tired. You can tell me about your trip in the morning. Sounds good?" You nod, you were exhausted, the trip was long and you could barely close your eyes in the plane.

'Oh and, y/n, by the way, i'll invite some friends over for a bit, if that's alright with you?' 'yeah that's fine don't worry, I bet you i'll be so deep in sleep that I wouldn't even wake up if you guys bomb the place.' What a lie. You couldn't fall asleep at all.

right as you thought you were going to fall asleep, you heard the door burst open, the people Ni-ki invited finally arrived. You could hear like—five people? Oh wait—no—a sixth one—who.. Sounded a lot like—Jake.

You couldn't remember his voice but when you heard something like him—you just knew. What a great discovery, even if you were going to finally get some sleep—you definitely aren't now. You sat in the bed you were assigned to sleep in, listening to the boys downstairs chatting—the guy who sounded like Jake wasn't really talkative, maybe its not him—actually, you're sure its not him—you're just eavesdropping so that you could pretending that you're listening to Jake's voice.

In the morning, Ni-ki had to wake you up for your class because you were still used to your old timezone. 'y/n... we have class in like 30 minutes...' 'Five more minutes... Get off of me, let me sleep!' 'I'll rip up all your clothes if you don't get up.' 'What? What! Okay, okay I'm up!'

You both ran to class, your apartment wasn't on campus but it was still close. You were introduced to the first two classes with Ni-ki by your side, you followed him everywhere for those first two periods—but now, you two next are alone—and you have no idea where to go.

Luckily, you spotted one of your teachers from your morning classes, they had to go fill out some papers and correct tests so they couldn't give you a tour of the school—but guided you to Ni-ki's class so that he could be excused out of his class and help you.

You walked into his class behind your teacher, not bothering to look at anyone to try and find him—too scared you'll make awkward eye contact with anyone who isn't him.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your lesson, Chanelle, but could we please steal your student Nishimura Riki for a period? We have a new foreign student who knows him and needs a tour of campus." Your teacher said to the one who was currently teaching Ni-ki's class. "Oh why of course, and don't apologise, i needed this few second break..." She responded. "Nishimura, get down here"

As she called him over, you follower her eyes—trying to spot Ni-ki. Then, you found him, laying back on a chair with his feet on the table, surrounded by 6 boys—probably the ones from yesterday.

'Hey ni-ki, whos that girl next to the teacher? You know her?' The purple haired boy asked. Just as you were going to smile and wave at him, your eyes spotted one of the boys who stood out a bit brighter than the rest—due to his immersive stare at you. Jake. There he was. Yes you haven't seen him in a while, but those eyes never change. it really was him—right infront of you. It was Jake.

You didn't utter a single word—turning quickly and just waiting for ni-ki to get down. You always imagined what you'd do when you saw him again—you just didn't expect it ever to be like this.

In the afternoon, after both you and ni-ki got back to your apartment. You built up the courage to ask him, 'Hey, ni-ki, who were those boys you were with when I came into your class searching for you?' 'Oh them, those are my best friends. Heeseung, the purple haired one you heard, Jay, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon and Jake. We've been friends ever since i got here, but they've been childhood friends since they were little—except Jake, he came during highschool, but that's still a while ago! Y/n? Are you listening-' 'Yes! Yes! I am indeed!' 'Oh okay, well yeah. Actually, they're coming over again—i'll properly introduce you to them then!'

Excuse you? Coming over? Again? How many times do these boys come over? They just visited yesterday... "Again?" you spoke, voice a little lower than you hoped it'd be. "Yeah, they come over all the time, you'll love them, trust me!" He said, love filled in his eyes as he spoke about his friends—completely unaware of what you were currently thinking.

Minutes passed and suddenly, the doorbell rang. You instinctively froze, Ni-ki jogged to go get the door, leaving you in the living room alone, awkwardly waiting. "Guys, this is the girl from earlier, this is y/n, shes my roommate" One by one, they entered the room, you got up and kindly greeted all five of them—until it was turn for the sixth one who took a little longer to remove his coat after hearing ni-ki's words.

When it was Jake's turn, your heart sank, you looked at him from close up—he was different. His face had matured, his hair had thickened, He body looked a lot fuller and grown up than you last remember. A lot changed—but it was still so easy to tell it was him. Perfect nose, flawless face, the same eyes you fell in love with.

"Y/n?" Jake spoke, in a questioning tone, way lower than how he used to speak. You were surprised that he even said something, if you two were in 8th grade, he wouldn't even be able to look your way, head down as he walks past you to make it seem like he didn't see you—while you would stare at the lockers, the opposite direction of him. "Long time no see" was all you said, though your mind was saying alot more.

"You two know each other?" Jungwon asked as you both nodded. "What a small world!" Sunoo added.

The rest of the night was awkward, both you and Jake sneaking glances of each other, trying to admire everything that changed. We haven't seen each other in 10 years, It's normal. For a split second, you both had eye contact—his eyebrows lower than usual, his eyes in a weird shape, like if it was an apology.

He used to be so active, so energetic—but tonight, he was even quieter than when I heard him yesterday from upstairs.

Sunghoon and Heeseung requested to watch a movie. You tried distracting yourself by helping Jay pick out snacks from the pantry, but his gaze was burning you, you could feel it no matter what you do. All of a sudden, ni-ki requested Jake to go grab some drinks. As he walked past you to the fridge he whispered, "Y/n, can we talk?"

It was starting to get late, each member leaving, keeping you and Jake alone. You didn't want to talk in the apartment with ni-ki so you both requested going outside the apartment, take a little walk as you talk.

It reminded you of when you went on that field trip, walking downtown with lights everywhere, as if you were in a movie, as if the world was only you and him, nothing else mattered. After minutes of silence, he broke it, Jake finally spoke.

- I didnt expect to you again. He said

- I didnt either.

- I wanted to apologise for everything, I know i said that the last time we spoke, but i really mean it this time. I know that whatever the reason was, I should've never acted that way.

- But Jake, how many times have we been through this before? Its been 10 years and yet you still say the same thing. I don't even know why I'm still here, listening to you say all of this, even after all the time that passed.

- I know I was always wrong, i know. My parents forced me okay? They didn't think I'd be able to focus on my education if I kept talking to you. My graders were dropping and they thought it was because of you when really it was because i was fooling around with my friends. I know you asked me if it was because of my parents and I said no but I was just so scared I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to disrespect my parents either and tell you that they were telling me to leave you.

As you were trying to find the words to respond to him, he continued.

- I know i was a jerk, and i dont expect you to forgive me so easily especially that im saying all of this so late, I didnt know if you would want to ever see my face again anyway. I needed to say this all because i cant keep it in anymore.

At this point, he’s sobbing, unable to even walk anymore—he just sat there, on the side of the road. His hands covering his face and trying to wipe his tears as fast as he face—now, avoiding your gaze at all times.

You’ve never seen him like this, he never cried, never spoke about his feelings, he never thought he should because he wanted to look strong all the time. “okay Jake, I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago, just please, get up Jake. Let’s go to your place, I can’t leave you like this, please.” You pleaded, feeling sorry for him. You knew he had a kind heart deep down despite everything, your heart ached at the scene in front of you.

You got to his place, helped him wash his face, his face flushed, embarrassed that he did all that after seeing you just once aft all those years. Everything was weird, despite the entire scene, everything was still unspoken, leaving plenty of things to discuss about.

As you sat him down on his couch, he said, "Y/n. I promise you for real this time, i'll tell you everything, I'll explain everything right now, I want to fix things even if it takes another 10 years to cure it all."

"Okay." you said, everything felt like the day you two confessed, explaining the unexplained, answering the questions you both were wondering about each other's actions back there.

Maybe it was going to take a while to get everything adjusted again, but you didn't mind, its not like you waited 10 years already, you know how to wait. None of that mattered right now, you were just relieved that finally—you have answers.

Maybe, it was worth it—having you famous in my mind.

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mydearestbeloved · 1 month ago

Text

Chapter 14 [Draft]

Sung Jinwoo/Trial Player!Reader

CW:

Inspired by @circeyoru ‘s “Future Power Couple”

[Masterlist🦋✨️]

The soft rustle of leaves accompanied the gentle trickle of water from your watering can as Cha Hae-In’s words hung in the air.

“(Name), do you know Hunter Sung Jinwoo?”

You paused mid-motion, the steady flow of water halting as you processed the question. The vibrant blooms around you swayed in the breeze, oblivious to the tension blooming between you and your visitor. You finally set the watering can down, resting your hands on the pot rim for a moment before turning to face her. “What makes you ask that?” you asked carefully.

Hae-In, seated on the nearby wooden bench surrounded by vibrant flowers, hesitated before continuing. “Hunter Sung did something while taking down the dungeon's boss. Whatever he did, a foreign magic spread out and healed the B-team's wounds. It wasn’t his magic, though—it was something different.” Her tone was calm, but her sharp gaze betrayed her curiosity.

You took a moment, carefully brushing invisible dirt from your gloves to avoid meeting her eyes. Ah, Jinwoo, you thought, a flicker of irritation crossing your face. Could you be a bit more discreet for once? You sighed internally, recalling how lost in the heat of battle Jinwoo could become. It was one thing to act like this in a solo fight, but with so many witnesses?

“The foreign energy wasn’t unpleasant,” Hae-In continued. “In fact, it felt… familiar. I couldn’t figure out why until I came here.” She paused, her fingers lightly brushing the edge of the bench. “Your aura, though subtler, feels similar to that warmth from the dungeon. And your lack of scent—there’s something about it that’s always made you stand out to me.”

Your heart skipped a beat, but your face remained calm. Hae-In was sharp—too sharp for her own good. You turned back to your tools, neatly organizing them as you spoke. “Yes, Hunter Sung is... an acquaintance of mine,” you admitted evenly, keeping your tone steady.

Hae-In tilted her head. “Then, did you know it was him I was talking about a few days ago?”

“No.” Technically true—she’d never mentioned his name outright. You met her gaze briefly, “You didn’t tell me.”

A comfortable silence fell between you as you finished tidying up and sat beside her.

“(Name), There’s always been something about you that I couldn’t figure out. From the moment we met, your lack of scent... I thought maybe you didn’t know why, either. But after all these years, I’m sure you know more than you let on.” she said softly. “But it’s never bothered me. From the moment we met, you’ve been honest with me in your own way.”

The sincerity in her voice was disarming. You felt her hands suddenly cover yours, and despite the gardening gloves, her warmth reached you. “I’ve always admired you for that.”

“You’ve always respected my boundaries. And I want you to know I respect yours too. I won’t ask questions you’re not ready to answer. But…” She trailed off briefly, her fingers tightening slightly around yours.

“I want you to know how much you mean to me. You were my first friend, my mentor, and…” She looks sheepish all of a sudden, cheeks flushed and all. “To me, you’re like an older sister. You’ve always been there for me, and I’ll always be here for you too.”

The warmth in her gaze was almost overwhelming. You felt an old, familiar urge to tease her, to squeeze her cheeks like you used to do, if not for her holding your hands at the moment. But before you could speak, the chime of the shop bell interrupted.

The sound drew both your attention to the entrance, where a familiar figure stood.

Sung Jinwoo.

He seemed momentarily stunned to see Hae-In before his gaze shifted to you, and last to your clasped hands. His usual stoic expression was unreadable, but there was something sharp in his eyes that made you pause.

You felt your hand grow warm under Hae-In’s grip.

You gave Hae-In’s a soft nudge, prompting her to let go. As she withdrew, you gave her a brief reassuring squeeze—a silent message that everything was fine. She smiled faintly, understanding you without words.

Jinwoo’s eyes briefly flickered at the gesture, but you ignored it as you rose to greet him. Plastering on your professional smile, you stepped forward.

“Welcome to Perennial Atelier!” you said with practiced cheer. “How may I help you today, Sir?”

“I need to speak with you,” Jinwoo said, direct as ever.

‘I’m working, you oblivious man,’ you thought, though you maintained your polite façade.

“(Name), I—”

Here we go, you thought, already bracing yourself.

“—want you to come with me to my rank reevaluation,” he finished.

You blinked, “...Yes?”

“Good. Tomorrow. 10 a.m. You know the place.”

“Yes?? Wait—” But he was already turning to leave.

His eyes briefly flickering to Hae-In before stepping out, the bell chimed as the door shut behind him. Slowly, you turned back to Hae-In, whose expression mirrored your confusion.

“What... just happened?” she asked, echoing your own thoughts.

---

Later, as you worked on a bouquet of yellow roses, Hae-In’s voice broke the silence. “For a moment, he looked…” she murmured, her fingers fidgeting with Trick, the butterfly perched on her shoulder. “…scary.”

You paused, glancing at her. “Scary?”

She hesitated, recalling the brief flash of Jinwoo’s narrowed eyes, “Ah, never mind!” she said quickly, waving her hands in dismissal. “I’m probably overthinking it.”

You, however, couldn’t let it go. As you continued to fuss over her for the rest of the day, Hae-In didn’t complain, leaning into your care with a small, content smile.

---

Why did Jinwoo want you here?

You deadpanned internally as you sat on a bench at a safe distance from the throngs of reporters swarming around the South Korean Hunter Association's evaluation building. It was absolute chaos outside, a sea of flashing cameras, persistent microphones, and shouted questions all directed toward the entrance where Lee Min-Sung was scheduled to appear. But, unbeknownst to them, today’s true headline wouldn’t be the latest appearance of a celebrity Hunter—no, they would soon be scrambling for something much bigger. Because little did they know, today marked the reveal of South Korea's newest S-Rank Hunter, one who would go on to dominate headlines and leave the entire world begging for any scrap of information about him.

You couldn’t help the dry chuckle that escaped your lips. Poor fools. If only they knew what was coming, they'd be thanking their lucky stars for catching a glimpse of Jinwoo now, before he became the recluse he'd be infamous for.

But seriously, why were you here?

It wasn’t like you needed to see it in person. You could have comfortably stayed back in your garden, observing everything unfold through your butterflies, which you’d sent fluttering discreetly around the building. That was your original plan, and it was a good one. So why did you let yourself be dragged here, standing on the periphery, surrounded by this chaotic energy?

Oh, right. Because Jinwoo had insisted. You scolded yourself silently. Why did I agree to that again?

---

The wait was tedious. You watched through slitted eyes as reporters jostled for better positions, their excitement mounting each time the doors to the Association headquarters creaked open. They were all here for Lee Min-Sung. Yet, as you watched the throngs of people fidget and chatter, you knew their focus would shift in an instant.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you spotted Jinwoo emerging from the building, behind him were none other than Baek Yoon-Ho and Choi Jong-In. The moment Jinwoo’s presence became known, whispers rapidly spread through the crowd like wildfire, and within seconds, the focus shifted entirely from Lee Min-Sung to him. The air was thick with anticipation as people strained to get a better look.

There it is, you thought wryly. The announcement of South Korea’s tenth S-Rank Hunter was going to be all anyone would talk about for weeks. The reporters were already scrambling, furiously making calls to their editors.

Despite the buzz, you remained where you were, hidden behind your enchanted mask, which helped obscure your presence among the crowd. You didn't want to get involved, and you certainly didn’t want to be caught up in this mess. I'll just wait until he notices me, then slip away, you reasoned.

Except, Jinwoo did notice you. And not in the way you'd hoped.

Before you could react, he moved so quickly it was nearly impossible for even the trained eyes in the crowd to follow. In a blink, he was right next to you, standing there with that infuriatingly calm demeanor of his, as if he hadn't just drawn every single pair of eyes in the vicinity directly onto you.

The crowd gasped in unison, and you could feel the burning stares of the onlookers. Even Baek Yoon-Ho and Choi Jong-In, who had been walking behind him, were left staring at the spot where Jinwoo had stood mere seconds ago. You could almost hear the gears in their heads turning, trying to figure out who you were.

Seriously, how tactless could this man get?

Gritting your teeth, you grabbed Jinwoo’s hand without a word. At first, his eyes widened in surprise—softening in a few miliseconds—before quickly turning into a wince when you tightened your grip, nearly crushing his bones.

“Jinwoo,” you said through a clenched, saccharine smile that could have fooled anyone else into thinking you were pleased, “get us out of here. Now.”

Jinwoo gulped, instantly understanding the gravity of your anger. Without another word, he activated his assassin speed, whisking you away from the prying eyes of the crowd. The sudden burst of wind he left behind sent hats flying and reporters stumbling backward, while Baek Yoon-Ho and Choi Jong-In stared on.

---

You only released your death grip on Jinwoo’s hand when you found yourself standing in his apartment. As soon as you were sure you were out of sight, you yanked your hand away, shooting him a glare that could have melted through steel.

“What the hell was that, Jinwoo?!” you snapped, voice barely contained to a whisper despite your fury. “Do you have any idea what you just did?!”

Jinwoo stood there, momentarily caught off guard by your outburst. “I… I just wanted to—”

“No,” you interrupted, crossing your arms tightly. “You don’t get to explain yourself right now. Do you have any idea how tactless that was? I told you I have my reasons for staying out of the public eye, and you—” You jabbed a finger in his direction, causing him to take an instinctive step back. “—you just dragged me into the spotlight like that!”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Sorry isn’t going to fix this,” you shot back, your voice tinged with frustration. “What were you thinking? Were you even thinking?”

He tried to open his mouth to respond, but one look at your expression made him swallow whatever excuse he had. The hallway was heavy with tension, the silence thick enough to cut through.

Jinwoo wasn’t used to seeing you like this—your eyes cold and distant, disappointment clear in every word.

“Why did you even ask me to come in the first place?” you demanded, your voice softening, but not out of kindness—no, it was the calm before the storm. The kind that promised you weren’t done being angry.

“I… I just thought it would be nice to have you there,” he admitted, almost sheepishly. “I wanted… I don’t know, for you to see how far I’ve come.”

For a moment, you hesitated. Jinwoo’s sincerity tugged at something inside you, but your anger was still far from spent. You sighed heavily, your shoulders slumping.

“You know what?” you said, shaking your head. “I need space, Jinwoo. I can’t deal with this right now.”

Jinwoo’s eyes widened, and the look of hurt on his face made your chest tighten painfully. But you couldn’t let yourself soften. Not now. You had to stick to your resolve.

“I’ll check on you in a few days,” you said curtly, your tone leaving no room for argument. “But until then, don’t even think about disturbing me.”

Before he could say another word, you let yourself dissolve into a flurry of butterflies, vanishing from his apartment in an instant. The last thing you saw was the crestfallen expression on Jinwoo’s face.

---

Jinwoo stood there for a long time after you’d gone, his apartment feeling emptier than ever with Jinah still in school. He rubbed the hand you’d nearly crushed earlier, wincing slightly.

“Well… there goes my dinner plan,” he muttered to himself, staring at the spot where you’d disappeared. He couldn’t help but replay your words in his mind, feeling the sharp sting of your disappointment.

I really messed that one up, he thought with a sigh. And with you in no mood to talk to him, he’d have to figure out a way to make it up to you—assuming you’d let him get close again anytime soon.

Maybe a bouquet of spider lilies...

End Note:

Unfinished Draft of [15/11/2024] -

#solo leveling imagine #solo leveling #only i level up #solo leveling x reader #sung jin woo x reader #sung jinwoo x reader #jinwoo sung x reader #sung jinwoo #solo leveling jinwoo #sung jin woo #yandere sung jinwoo #solo leveling fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #reader insert #x reader #fem reader

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shelbgrey · 1 year ago

Text

A not so White Wedding(Scott Summers)

Paring: Scott Summers x Mutant!Reader

Summary: ✨Wedding bells✨ it's time to get married to Scott summers... Well maybe

Prompt: 2.3) “I've been busy marrying you, I haven't had time to piss anyone off!”

A/n: this was a unanimous request that got lost during my editing process. I'm sorry I don't have your original ask and I hope you see this.

MasterList

Storm wanted to plan the wedding and she went all out and wanted everything to be perfect even if me and Scott just wanted a small wedding. The rest of team was in the back yard of the mansion putting chairs up and setting things up for the wedding.

“Woah” I tumbled at bit as I tried to walk and break in the heals Storm got, I hated them and never wore heals in my life. storm grabed my hand before I could fall on my ass on the back porch “you just have to break them in” Storm said to sweetly.

“Stormy, your not even gonna see my feet just let me wear Converse”

Storm playfully rolled her eyes as I wrapped my arms around her to keep my balance, I kicked the heals off and looked at Storm. “Okay... As long as they are new ones and not those blue ones you wear all the time... Honestly I don't know how they are still in one piece” Storm said playfully.

“The heels were a little much” I nodded Playfully to Storm.

“Nothing it's too much” Storm told me and looked at all the X-men that offered to set up from the wedding “the wedding is gonna be perfect” Storm said.

I took a deep breath, feeling both excited and nervous. “I just can't believe I'm actually getting married this weekend”

“and I can't be more happier for you both” Storm smiled then tunred to the yard where the rest of the team was “And we promise to make sure this weekend goes as smoothly as possible for the both of you”

“Yeah...” I sighed and crossed my arms nervously “we need to make sure nothing or no one ruins this wedding, we've been on high alert since our last mission against Magneto”

Storm placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me on the eyes. “nothing is gonna happen... Not on my watch”

I smiled and pulled her into a tight hug. “thanks Storm, I love ya”

She pulled away with a bright smile. “Now... Get in the house and get plenty of rest” I rolled my eyes playfully and nodded as I picked up the painful heals off the porch. Storm took them out of my hands then turned around to check on the set up. She sighed In frustration. “Logan! Not there put it on the other side of the aisle!” she yelled, marching off the steps of the porch.

“stop yelling at me woman!” Loagn barked as he set a white bench down. I smiled and just shook my head before heading back inside of the mansion.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

Scott's lips pressed against mine softly and gently pushed me down on to our bed. I sighed softly as his lips traveled down my neck. I let out a small moan as my fingers carded through his hair “you know it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding” I joked softly.

Scott chuckled softly against my neck “I'm not a superstitious man...and I just couldn't resist” he whispered and lifted his head to connect our lips for a soft kiss. I giggled softly against his lips as my hands traveled to his waist, pulling him closer to to me.

“I'm not waiting till the wedding to touch or kiss you” Scott mumbled against my lips, pulling my body close to his. The small moment we shared only heightened the excitement I felt for our future. Scott's left mine then smiled as he leaned up and kissed my forehead. I let out a satisfed sigh as Scott kissed down my neck to my collarbone.

Our lips met for another passionate kiss and just as his tounge brushed against mine there was a knock on the door. Scott lifted his head and opened his eyes sharply. He groaned softly. “Damn it.”

I rolled my eyes at our interruption. Scott sighed and kissed my lips softly once more and pulled away, fixing his clothes. He went over to the door and peeked through the door, waiting to see who the unwanted guest was.

I sat up in the bed and peeked through the crack Scott made between the frame and the door. Storm was at the door with her folder of all the wedding stuff. She put her hand on her hip, staring Scott down. “what are you doing? Your not supposed to see y/n until the wedding, it's bad luck!” she said sternly but also playfully.

Scott rolled his eyes at the old superstition, but he still wanted to play along with Storm “it's my room too!”

“I don't care, the last thing you guys need is bad luck” Strom rolled her eyes and gave Scott a stren look. “and you better have picked up that Tux today”

“Yes.. I did” Scott playfully stuck his tongue out at Storm. He gave a goofy grin and closed the door. Scott went back to the bed “So...want to try again?”

I smirked and pulled Scott back on top of me so we could pick up where we left off. Scott leaned, pressing himself into my body, kissing me deeply while his hands fell to my waist. As our lips moved in a rushed pace, Scott's arms moved from my waist and started moving upwards slowly, moving his way up to my chest. As his hands and began caressing my breasts there was yet another knock on the door.

My eyes locked with Scott's and we both let out a frustrated growl. He pecked me on the lips then rolled off of me. “God damn it Storm” he mumbled under his breath.

Still thinking it was storm, Scott ripped it open. It wasn't storm, it was Professor Xavier. Scott's eyes widened and his jaw dropped open to see Professor Xavier standing at the door. He tried to pull himself together as he looked at him. “good evening professor”

I sat up in our bed and quickly fixed my clothes. “Where's y/n?” I heared Xavier ask sternly.

Scott hesitated for a moment but didn't say anything. He looked straight into Professor Xavier's eyes then closed the door “what did you do?” Scott asked, turning towrds me.

“nothing, I've been busy marrying you, I haven't had time to piss anyone off”

Scott chuckled at the sarcasm. “well.. apparently you have now. The professor wants to see you”

I groaned and got out bed. I fixed my clothes one last time before opening the door. “yes Professor?” I asked sweetly and pretend like me and Scott weren't just playing a game of tonsil-hockey.

Professor Xavier eyed me and Scott both. “I need to discuss somethings with the both of you”

“is everything okay?” I asked softly then glanced at Scott.

Professor Xavier shifted in his wheelchair and sighed. “it's a private matter which is why I have called both of you here. It's quite a sensitive topic”

Me and Scott shared concerned looks before following Xavier to his office. Professor Xavier motioned for both of you to sit down infront of his desk as Scott closed the door. Xavier took a deep breath and started to speak. “I would like to inform you two that the Brotherhood have made another move in the city”

Scott walked over and sat in the chair next to mine. I sighed and rubbed my forehead in frustration. “how close to home are they?”

Xavier took a deep breath and looked at the two of us with a serious stare. “very close. If I were to guess...they are somewhere within a mile radius of the Institute”

“And the wedding is in two days” Scott grumbled under his breath and pushed his glasses back before they could slide of his nose.

Xavier was silent for a moment then hesitated before he spoke. “unfortunately, there has been a decision made regarding the wedding...”

“We're not putting it on hold! We've done it once already” Scott said before Xavier or I could even say anything. He knew it wasn't fair to either one of us.

Xavier nodded his head in admiration but he had an all business tone in his voice. “I understand that, but the Brotherhood is a serious threat to not only the city, but also the X-Men. We do not know what they'll do next. Unfortunately, the decision was made that our best option is to temporarily put the wedding on hold”

Professor Xavier's voice had a regretful tone but he had a strict look in his eyes. I sighed and looked down, I tired not to cry in both disappointment and frustration.

Scott immediately shot up from his seat and stormed out of Xavier's office. I gave Xavier a soft expression. “I'll talk to him”

“Scott!” I sighed, catching up with him in the hallway and grabed his hand to stop him. “Scotty...” I said softly.

Scott was hot with frustration but as he tunred to me his expression softened. “it's not fair to us! The Brotherhood are always a threat but I thought the wedding could be one day that they'd just leave us alone! I was wrong. It's always something. I just wanted one day where everything went right!”

I stepped closer to him with a soft expression and placed my hands on his cheeks, trying to calm him down. “I'm angry too, but there's nothing we can do” I said solemnly.

Scott sighed and his angry expression softened. “I'm just frustrated...I wanted this day to be perfect. He should know...he should know that after all this time, all this hard work...all this bullshit...I just wanted one thing to go right!”

My thumb stroked his cheek softly as I gave him a soft look “it's important to me too... So important, but why do I feel so selfish to even think about gooing on with the wedding even though the BrotherHood is running around?”

Scott pulled me close to his chest. There was a certain softness to him now that he had been filled with frustration previously. His hands traveled down my back, rubbing it gently as he spoke. “it's because you're the most selfless person I know. And you know what? That's what I love about you...and that's why I want this day to be for both of us”

I pressed my forehead to his and nuzzled my nose against his. “I think I'm tired of being so selfless” I sighed softly in frustration.

Scott wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close to his chest. “I know, I know...but we have to be, sweetie. This is bigger than us, no matter how we try to convince ourselves. It's okay if it's pushed back”

I sighed, hugging him back. I didn't try to speak, still trying to process everything. Scott sighed and brushed some lose strainds of hair out of my face. “Just you being by my side is enough for me...”

“That's bullshit if you ask me” Storm said suddenly, opening her dorm room. Me and Scott both jumped. “how long have you been listening?” Scott asked.

“Hard not too when you guys are squabbling outside my dorm room” Storm said. During that moment I forgot the mansion was full of X-men in their dorm rooms.

Me and Scott stayed silent, refusing to meet Storm's gaze. Storm broke the silence and spoke up again. “You guys aren't seriously considering puting off your wedding again?” Storm asked frustrated and suprised.

Scott looked at Storm with a stern look and was silent for a moment...that's when he finally spoke and his voice was low. “what are we supposed to do?”

“get out of here!” Storm said like it was the most obvious thing. “go to the corthouse in the next town over and elope, go to Vegas and get married at one of those Elvis churches, I don't care just leave for the weekend and get married”

This surprised us both. Scott paused for a moment to think. “how would we convince the others to allow us to get married in private? They'd kill us for trying to exclude everyone from the wedding” I said softly.

Storm rolled her eyes. “The X-men will understand and when every thing settles down we'll give you a real wedding”

Scott thought for a moment and looked at me then back to Storm. “So you're suggesting we runaway for the weekend and get married?”

“Elope?” I added, looking at Storm.

“People do it all the time” Storm shrugged then sighed. “Even though we put a lot of work into the wedding and the thought of you guys eloping at an Elvis Church annoys me... You guys deserve to actually get married, so yes leave for the weekend and get married”

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of me and Scott eloping in Vegas at an Elvis Church. As much as it sounded funny, I liked the idea. Scott turned to me and smiled. “what do you think, Baby?”

“Yeah, we waited long enough... Let's get married” I then tunred back to Storm. “what about Xavier and the others?”

“I'll deal with that old geezer” Storm said in a playful way. “and if the brotherhood shows up we'll be fine”

I nodded, agreeing. Scott smiled happily. He hugged me and kissed my forehead gently. “we'll leave first thing in the morning”

Storm smiled and clapped her hands together. “have fun!” she then left us alone.

--------(the next day)--------

“they did what?!” Xavier sighed after the news was broken y/n and Scott had left early that morning for vegas.

#Scott summers #Scott summers x reader #Scott summers imagines #Scott summers x wife!reader #X-men #X-men imagines #Cyclops #X-men x reader #Loagn Howlett X Sister!reader #Loagn Howlett X reader #Loagn Howlett #Wolverine

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sycamorelibrary754 · 1 year ago

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Happy Thanksgiving

Summary: You invite Natasha’s family to join you for Thanksgiving. Holiday cheer and a surprise awaits!

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader, Yelena Belova x reader (platonic), Alexei Alanovich Shostakov x reader (platonic) Melina Vostokoff x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: None

A/N: This was a fun one. Happy Thanksgiving!

When you first broached the subject with Natasha of inviting Yelena, Melina, and Alexi to your home for Thanksgiving, you weren’t sure how your wife would respond. True, things were better. Their relationship had gone through something of a healing process since they took down Dreykov and the Red Room together, but her family was still a lot to handle. Most of the team was going to Iowa to spend Thanksgiving with the Barton’s. Clint had gotten it into his head to deep fry the turkey this year. It was going to be can’t-miss-entertainment according to Sam. However, you and Natasha were looking forward to a more intimate holiday.

“You really want my family to join us for Thanksgiving?” Her eyes met yours as you snuggled up on the couch together.

“I think it could be really fun. Plus, you deserve to spend quality time with them that doesn’t involve death, destruction, or pigs,” you joked.

“You don’t like mom’s pigs?” She smirked.

No, love. I do. They’re adorable. Especially once Yelena made them those personalized piggy vests,” you giggled.

“Oh, yeah… Pests!” Natasha laughed recalling the image.

“So what do you think? A Romanoff family Thanksgiving?”

She thought for a moment before a smile reached her lips. “Okay, let’s do it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think it could be fun,” caressing your cheek softly.

You went into planning mode upon receiving Nat’s approval and confirmation that all three were available and would be there with bells on. You were determined to make it a memorable holiday for everyone.

*^~^*

You left early to hit the grocery store the Monday before Thanksgiving. It was crucial to avoiding the out-of-stock items and the rush of “fucking annoying slowpokes who don’t know a shallot from an onion,” you eloquently informed your wife after wiggling out of her warm hold.

Nat mumbled something akin to, “See you later, detka,” her head buried in her pillow as you hurriedly put on your coat, scarf, and beanie and rushed out of the house. Your car keys and shopping list clenched purposefully in your fist.

*^~^*

The front door slammed shut a couple of hours later, alerting Natasha to your arrival.

“I’m home, love!” You called out.

“The conquering shopper has returned! How was the store?” Looking around at the mountain of groceries cluttered around you like presents under the Christmas tree.

“It was good! I managed to get everything on the list,” removing your warm attire and running your hand smoothly through your hair.

“I can see that, y/n. Did you leave anything for the other shoppers?” Nat smirked.

“This is all necessary for the traditional Thanksgiving feast I have planned for us,” you explained. “Your family has never had an American Thanksgiving, so I thought, why not go all out?”

Your wife stepped carefully around your grocery maze and wrapped her arms lovingly around your neck. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“Not in the last twenty minutes,” jokingly glancing at the imaginary watch on your wrist before planting a tender kiss on her lips.

Natasha offered to unpack the groceries for you. Meanwhile, you set about creating a cooking timeline for the meal preparation. You were so in your element your wife couldn’t help but smile. As you typed away on your laptop, your adorable expression reminded her of your demeanor in the field. You were focused, engaged, and confident.

*^~^*

A creature of habit, Natasha awoke the following morning for her daily run. She groggily reached over to turn off her alarm until she realized the alarm hadn’t gone off. No, the clanging of pots and pans from the kitchen tore her from her blissful sleep. Nat rolled over to your side of the bed only to find it empty. She groaned softly and sat up, cracking her neck and stretching her arms over her head as a yawn escaped her lips.

Natasha padded down the hall toward the kitchen, still clad in her pajamas and the fuzzy socks you bought her. She turned the corner to find you floating around the kitchen in a whirlwind—dishes in the oven and stove.

“Moya lyubov? You’re already in the kitchen?” Rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“No rest for the wary, sweetheart. I’ve got to get the pumpkin pie out of the way so I can get started on the sides by this afternoon,” you explained, fervently whisking your pumpkin puree into your custard mixture. You glanced around the counter like you were looking for something. “Oh, can you hand me those spice jars behind you?”

She picked up the cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger, stacking them precariously on top of one another like blocks before appearing at your side.

“Nicely done. You missed your calling as a professional Jenga player.”

“Take your damned spices,” she snarked.

You sprinkled the spice mixture into the filling and let it sit. “Okay,” you said, wiping your brow. “I just need to grab the pie crust out of the oven. It should be par-baked by now.”

“I got it, detka,” pulling on the oven mitts and removing the pan from the oven.

Perfect, now we’re just going to fill the crust,” carefully pouring the custard filling. “Then this is going back in the oven at 325 for 45-60 minutes.”

Nat carefully placed the pie back in the oven. “Shall I close, doctor?”

“Please,” in your most professional voice before lapsing into giggles.

“Now, that’s in. We can get started on the sides. Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry feta salad,” you listed.

Two types of potatoes?”

“Oh, it’s a must, love! You get both the salty and the sweet. It’s potato perfection.”

“Hmm, just like you,” she said suggestively.

“Smooth,” you replied.

“I try," putting her arm around your shoulder.

*^~^*

You were still in the kitchen when Natasha returned from her run.

“Have you taken a break at all since I left?” She removed her running shoes and placed them by the front door.

“No time for breaks. Your sister just texted me and asked if Mac and Cheese was part of the American Thanksgiving tradition, so I’m whipping up one for her.”

Your wife rolled her eyes. “For God’s sake, that’s not necessary, malyshka. Yelena will survive one meal without her precious Mac and Cheese.”

“It’s no problem. I want your family to feel comfortable! That’s why I also have a sparkling Vodka cocktail planned,” you winked.

“That is so sweet, but there is no need to stress over it, y/n. They are going to love it no matter what you make. Plus, you know if you feed them this well, they’ll never leave, right?”

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” You joked.

“No, it wouldn’t,” she deadpanned.

The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing the stuffing, cranberry sauce, garlic green beanies, and gravy. By the time you finally laid down on the couch Tuesday evening, still in your apron, you were pleased with your progress. Your legs lay across Natasha’s lap while she massaged your aching feet. She wasn’t surprised to look over and find you sound asleep five minutes later as the television glow illuminated your features. Your wife could only smile at your sleepy form before gently picking you up and carrying you to bed.

*^~^*

Wednesday morning Natasha decided to let you sleep in, so she made the executive decision to turn your alarm off. Truthfully, she felt guilty for how hard you had been pushing yourself this week for the sake of her family. Nat was nursing a cup of tea and reading a book in the family room when she heard you down the hall.

“Oh, crap!” You shouted.

“3,2,1…..” Natasha counted down.

“Nat, why didn’t you wake me up!” Throwing on your favorite cardigan as you entered the room. “I’ve still got to make the pretzel bread and raspberry jello today.”

“You needed the sleep. I can’t tell you’re exhausted, and you were sleeping so soundly when I got up.”

You had a look of panic in your eyes.

“It’s okay, y/n. I found the jello and bread recipes on the table and got the jump on it for you. The jello is done and in the fridge, and the bread dough is under the towel rising.”

You blinked a couple of times as if she was speaking Latin. “You cooked?”

“Are you questioning my abilities?” Raising an eyebrow.

“Well.… yeah? I love you, sweetheart, but the only thing I’ve ever seen you make is a peanut butter sandwich.”

“See for yourself,” smiling proudly and removing her reading glasses.

Opening the fridge, you were pleasantly surprised to find a gelatinous raspberry jello staring back at you. You then peeked under the towel on the counter to find the bread dough had just about doubled in size.

“Well, turn me upside down and paint me blue!”

“Hmmm, tempting, but let’s save that for after my family leaves,” Natasha smirked as she kissed the side of your temple from behind.

“This is awesome, my love. Thank you so much,” turning around in her hold. “I have to say, the thought of the Black Widow cooking Thanksgiving dinner is incredibly sexy.”

“Is it now?” She said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Very, I may have to get you your apron,” you teased as Natasha gently grasped your ear lobe between her teeth before placing soft kisses down your neck. Her phone dinged with a text notification on the counter beside you a few moments later. You glanced down at the screen out of the corner of your eye.

“It’s Yelena, sweetheart...”

“Is she on fire? Otherwise, I’m not stopping.” Moving the tender kisses to your lips.

“No, she wants to know if she should bring anything,” you replied between kisses.

She feels terrible we’re doing all the work,”

“She’s bringing our parents, that’s a shit ton of work.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

*^~^*

The next day, you and Natasha got started on the crown jewel of your Thanksgiving dinner: the turkey. After letting it thaw in the fridge all week, your twenty-pound bird had been marinating in a salt brine for twelve hours. You placed the turkey in the oven at 425 degrees for 35 minutes, which gave you two just enough time to get ready before it needed to be basted.

You heard the doorbell after showering and putting on your best fall colors.

“Baby, they’re here!” you called, opening the door to welcome your guests.

Alexi was sporting a plush turkey hat while Melina held a freshly made appetizer. Standing in front of both of them, Yelena had Fanny at her feet. She quickly stepped inside first with a warm hug and a peck on your cheek.

“Happy Thanksgiving, y/n! Thank you so much for inviting us. “Now,” placing both hands on your shoulders. “Where is the booze? I just had to spend the last 20 minutes in the car alone with them, listening to Alexi ramble on about his stupid hat.”

You point toward the coffee table, holding the sparkling Vodka cocktails as your sister-in-law gives you a cheeky smile. “I love you.”

“Haha!” Alexi exclaimed. Greetings, my wonderful daughter-in-law. I am ready for turkey!” Wrapping you in a giant bear hug.

“Could’ve fooled me, Alexi,” you joked. “Ooh, Melina, what do we have here? It looks delicious.”

“A traditional Russian appetizer, Mushroom Julienne. Mushrooms and onions cooked in cream sauce, cheese, and sour cream.”

“My mouth is already watering. Here, let me take your coats. You can place them on the coffee table,” you offered.

After tending to the coats, you rejoined the group as everyone settled in the family room for appetizers and cocktails. Holiday music played softly in the background, setting the scene perfectly. You sat on the sofa beside your wife while your in-laws treated you to numerous stories of Natasha and Yelena’s all-to-brief childhood in Ohio. Some of which you had yet to hear.

“Y/N, has Natalia told you how she and Yelena used to stay up late on Christmas Eve to try and catch Santa Claus?” Melina asked.

“Now, that was fun. You know, he comes down the chimney, girls. Look out! Where is he? You wait for him, and when the cookies are gone, you see he’s there.” Alexi recalled.

Yelena smiled fondly at the memory while Natasha turned red as Santa’s suit and hid her face in her hands.

“Aww, honey,” rubbing circles on her back. It’s precious! I’m sure you were adorable.”

“As adorable as you can be with bright blue hair. You looked like cotton candy,” Yelena laughed.

Nat threw a pillow across the room, barely missing her sister’s head.

“Ha!! Missed!” Yelena snarked.

“Girls, behave,” Melina ordered.

You couldn’t help but smile at the sisterly teasing and family banter. This was exactly what you were hoping for, and the evening was just getting started.

“Oh, detka, you don’t have a drink yet. Let me get you one,” Natasha offered, standing up, but your hand on her arm stopped her.

“Oh, no thanks, love. I actually need to go check on the turkey.”

“I’ll join you,” Yelena announced. “I want to see this bird you Americans are so crazy about.”

You opened the oven to reveal your delectable 20-pound turkey. “Do you want to brush it with the honey glaze for me, Yelena? I’m going to check on the side dishes.”

“Just call me DaVinci!” She declared.

You turned around to find your sister-in-law had finished the glazing by painting a smiley face on the turkey.

“Wow, I didn’t know our turkey had such a charming smile,” you joked. Reducing the heat to 325 and setting the timer for another 75 minutes.

“Thank you again for including us today, y/n. While it would’ve been fun to watch Barton sear his eyebrows off trying to deep-fry a turkey, it's been nice to see Natasha so happy. We didn’t have any family holidays growing up. Not real ones, anyway.”

“Well, you always will now,” placing an arm around her shoulder. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make your sister happy. That’s a promise.”

*^~^*

While the turkey finished cooking, you decided to share as many of your Thanksgiving traditions as possible. You watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, took in some Turkey Day football, and even played a rousing game of Pictionary.

“What the hell is that?” Yelena shouted as Nat was diligently engaged in her drawing.

“Oooh! Ooh! A ladybug doing the Macarena!”You screamed just before the timer ran out.

“Yes!” Nat shouted.

“Unbelievable, what is that? Five in a row,” Melina remarked. No wonder you two are such a good team.”

“Well, it's no surprise you're a pro at Pictionary. Who needs talent when you can just doodle like a 5-year-old?” Yelena retorted.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game, Lena,” dropping the marker like a microphone.

“Trust me, I do. It will be perfect for when I want to torture Kate Bishop.”

“With that, I think it’s time for dinner,” you announced happily.

*^~^*

It only took a few minutes before your Thanksgiving feast was lovingly displayed on the dining room table. The sight and aroma of the food was a gentle massage to the soul.

“Before we dig in,” holding up your glass for a toast, “I just wanted to say how happy Nat and I are that you could join us today. We love you, and I’m so thankful to be a part of your family.”

Natasha grasped your hand and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

“We feel the same way,” Melina concurred.

“Yes, we’re so happy that you and our little Natalia found each other,” Alexi added.

“Yes, y/n is a saint. It’s all very touching. Can I carve the turkey now,” Yelena groaned, holding up a sharpened carving knife.

“You may proceed,” you declared with a Queen’s wave of your hand.

Dishes were passed around the table like musical chairs. Wine filled everyone’s glasses while you opted for your favorite - Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider. You pretended not to notice Yelena sneaking a few scraps to Fanny under the table. The chatter rose and fell, every few moments dispersed with laughter. It was the kind of occasion most aren't aware they're genuinely enjoying yet look back at in warm nostalgia.

After hibernating in your Thanksgiving food comas, you returned to the family room for dessert. You were excited to finally bring out the homemade Pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream.

“Ah, now this is a beautiful pie.” Look at this, girls. I love America, you cannot get this back in St. Petersburg.” Alexi gushed.

“Y/N made it from scratch,” your wife bragged, causing you to blush at the compliment.

“Did y/n also split the atom?” Yelena teased. She earned an eye roll from her older sister. “Could you BE more whipped?”

“No, I honestly don’t think I could,” Natasha looked at you like you had hung the moon and the stars.

*^~^*

As the evening wound down, the hustle and bustle of the past week was starting to catch up to you. Your wife didn’t miss your heavy eyelids or the tiny yawn that escaped your lips as Fanny hopped up on the couch to lay down beside you.

“Well, we should probably get going. Traffic will be annoying when crossing back over the bridge,” your sister-in-law said.

“Before you go, I have gifts for all of you!” You exclaimed, jumping up off the couch.

“You do?”A bewildered expression on Nat’s face.

“I do!” You’re voice trailed away as you padded down the hall toward your bedroom.

Natasha turned around to her family with a shrug of her shoulders. She had no clue what you were talking about. You returned a moment later with small autumn-gold gift bags.

“This is just a little something for each of you,” clasping your hands together in front of your smiling face. Natasha was even more confused when you handed her one as well. “Go on, sweetheart,” you encouraged.

Natasha removed the delicate tissue paper. Her solid and calloused hands met the soft cotton hiding inside. She pulled the gift out and held it up in front of her. A tiny onesie that read “Mommy’s Little Turkey” was staring back at her.

Natasha stared at it speechlessly, wide-eyed. A first for your relationship. Finally, her brain caught up with the moment. “Moya lyubov—what? We—you…you’re pregnant?”

You nodded vigorously, starting to cry. Natasha’s hands cupped your cheeks. Her lips met yours in a heartfelt kiss, not caring that her family was watching. You gently combed your fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck, returning the kiss.

Melina, Alexi, and Yelena held up their onesies to find variations of Natasha’s: Grandma’s Little Turkey, Grandpa’s Little Turkey, and Auntie’s Little Turkey.”

“I knew it!”Yelena shouted.

Melina turned to Natasha and whispered, “You see what can happen when you keep your heart,” holding her lovingly in her arms.

Vashe zdorov'ye! (Cheers) Alexi exclaimed. If it is a boy, you will name him Alexi. It is a strong and honorable name!” Kissing you on both cheeks.

“Oh God,” Yelena muttered under her breath. “For the love of Fanny, please don’t do that,” wrapping her arms around you. “I would love to babysit. I’m looking forward to passing on much to my niece or nephew.”

“Yeah, that’s not terrifying at all,” your wife mumbled in your ear.

The shock was wearing off. Natasha reached down and gently placed her palm on your stomach. You weren’t showing yet, but just knowing that your child was growing inside you awakened a dream that she had put away in the Red Room long ago.

*^~^*

Once her family left, Natasha insisted that she would handle the post-holiday clean-up, confining you to the couch with many pillows and a fluffy blanket. Foreshadowing what was to come for the duration of your pregnancy.

“Sweetheart, those dishes go in the top right cupboard,” directing her from the couch.

“No worries, malyshka. I got it! You take it easy. The baby needs rest after all of this Thanksgiving cheer,” her protective instincts appear.

“The baby is the size of a plum, my love,”

“A very tired plum!”

*^~^*

Thirty minutes later, the kitchen was clean, and you both were ready for a good night’s sleep. You would never admit it to your wife, but boy, were you tired. You donned your coziest pajamas and joined Natasha in bed. Snuggled into the covers, you found comfort and peace in your safe space. Nat rolled over to face you, your foreheads touching in a beautifully intimate gesture of love and affection.

“This has been the best day of my life. Not only did you give my family an amazing Thanksgiving, you gave me a gift I’ll never forget. Though I have to admit now that I know you’re pregnant, I’m replaying the last week in my head in a loop of horrifying anxiety.”

You giggled at her confession, “It’s alright, Nat. I’m ready for a nice long rest, and I just had a check-up with Helen last week.”

“Wait, does the team know?”

“Dear God, no. You think that group can keep a secret?”

“We can tell them at Stark’s Christmas party in a couple of weeks if you’re comfortable with the idea.”

“Perfect. I need time to prepare for the onslaught of attention from our little one’s aunts and uncles.”

Natasha reached over and grabbed your hand. “I love you, y/n. I can’t wait to welcome our little plum into the world,” she smiled.

“I love you too. You are going to be an amazing mother, sweetheart.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, y/n”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Natasha.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #Natasha Romanoff and you #black widow #fluff #comfort #yelena boleva #red guardian #melina #the avengers #mcu #white widow #natalia romanova

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simplyholl · 1 year ago

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The Villain’s Weapon Pt. 1

Summary: When you hit your head and lose your memory, you fall into Loki’s clutches.

Warnings: Eventual smut. Memory loss. Villain Loki. Thanos.

The battle was never ending. You and the other Avengers were never going to defeat Loki. He had taken Clint and Dr. Selvig using them against you as he took the Tesseract. It didn’t help that he would only show up every now and then to taunt the team. Otherwise you couldn’t locate him.

Loki fought against you. “We have to stop meeting like this, little one.” Loki teased. You used your magic, a cloud of blue surrounding you as you fought back. You underestimated the power you put behind it, the aftershock throwing you back against a boulder. You hit your head with a loud thud as your vision went black.

When you came to, a large man towered over you. You studied his face trying to place him. You couldn’t remember where you were or what you were doing outside. You didn’t even know who you are. “There you are. I’ve been looking for you, little one.” Little one. That was familiar. You obviously knew this strangely dressed man. You look down at your own apparel. You were wearing a leather catsuit, so you couldn’t say anything about him.

You hear fighting all around you. You sit up, suddenly scared of your surroundings. What was happening? Pain surges through your head, you place a hand on it. You were bleeding. Your suit was torn like you had been fighting too. You stand up, feeling a little dizzy. You grab the man before you, pulling him in for a hug. You don’t know why, but you trust him.

He said he was looking for you after all. The term of endearment he used rang a bell. If you were fighting, you must be on his side. He looks down at you like you have lost your mind. Maybe you haven’t hugged before and this was out of character for you. You quickly pull away.

“I’m so sorry. I think I must have hit my head too hard. I can’t remember anything. But you seem familiar. You said you were looking for me, so I just assumed.” He looks at you incredulously. “You really don’t remember who you are or what you are doing out here?” You look around again, not recognizing anyone or anything, but him.

“There seems to be a battle. I assume I’m on your side?” You look into his bright blue eyes as a smile appears on his lips. “Yes, that is correct. Those people over there are the Avengers. They are trying to stop me - erm - us. I’ll tell you more about it once we get back to our lair.”

Loki couldn’t believe his luck. He was waiting for you to come to after the nasty fall you had taken when your magic threw you back. You were powerful, but you didn’t have complete control over your power. With his help, you would be unstoppable. And now, you were on his side.

“She’s dangerous.” Thanos told Loki. “Right now, she isn’t. She doesn’t even know she has powers.” Loki argued. “This is perfect. I will train her, we will use her to fight the Avengers.” Thanos shook his head. “What if her memory comes back? It’s too big of a risk.” Loki paces the floor, “Trust me, she won’t. She took a nasty fall. Just let me try this out before we send the Chitauri.” “You have two months.” Thanos stated as he cut communication.

Loki set up a room for you. He conjured clothes for your closet, shoes in your size, everything you might need in order to convince you that you actually lived here. He found you on the bed, looking out the window. “I’ve come to dress your wounds.” You nod, turning toward him. He examined the cut on your head, green flowing from his hands as he healed it. He explained that he could use magic and apparently so could you. He was going to start retraining you tomorrow.

“The other cuts aren’t as severe so I will clean them myself.” He explained. You slid the strap of your tank top down your shoulder to give him better access to the wound. You gasp when the alcohol wipe touches your skin, causing the area to sting. You watch him intently, long pale fingers working diligently to patch every scratch on you.

“Lay back.” He commands, reaching for the hem of your tank top. You had a large cut just under your breasts. You do as your told, he rolls the fabric up just under your nipples. You hold your breath. Your skin prickles, turning into goosebumps everywhere he touches. Your nipples harden as he patches you up.

Loki notices how you are physically reacting to his touch. How your nipples hardened when he placed his hands on your stomach. How your breath hitched when he pulled your shirt up. The worst part was he could feel his pants growing tighter. He wasn’t surprised that you had that kind of reaction toward him. He was a god after all. But he never expected you to have that effect on him. His hands grew shaky as he finished bandaging you. “Good as new.” He murmured, yanking your shirt down to cover you.

“Loki?” He stopped his retreat from your room, freezing in your doorway. “Thank you for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” You get off the bed, walking toward him, pulling him in for another embrace. He reluctantly pulls you closer to him. You can tell he isn’t a hugger. His large hand smooths the back of your hair. “You’re welcome. I’m glad I was there too.” You bury your face into his chest, breathing him in. He looks down at you, expression unreadable. This is going to be a long two months.

Part Two

Tags

@fictive-sl0th @lokisgoodgirl @lokidbadguy @ozymdias @cindylynn @cakesandtom @eleniblue @marygoddessofmischief @coldnique @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @lokisninerealms @wheredafandomat @peaches1958 @freegardenbanananeck @chantsdemarins @lokidokieokie @l0ki3000 @anukulee @multifandom-worlds @alexakeyloveloki @ladymischief11 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @lamentis-10 @loz-3 @litaloni @lulubelle814 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @avengersfan25 @silver-tongue-taken-to-bed @xorpsbane @mybugabomlb @bunny24sstuff @luthien-elvenia-asher @gruftiela @itsybitchylittlewitchy

#loki x reader #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x yn #loki fanfic #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki (marvel)#loki fanfiction #loki tom hiddleston #loki marvel #mcu loki #loki x female reader #loki fanfction #loki au #loki imagine #loki mcu #loki reader insert #the villain’s weapon

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ilanarose7 · 9 months ago

Text

Some outcomes of Critical Role episode 91 (that happened either because of or completely separate from the big thing)

SPOILERS!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Starting with the ones not due to FCG's sacrifice:

Liliana has some level of trust and attempts at redemption with her daughter (those 31's on deception and persuasion Laura you legend!), which means a major player (and VESSEL?? tf was that about) who was formerly (and maybe kind of still) on Ludinus's side is swapping over

Ashton and Fearne are about to be exhausted from being Titans (Ashton much sooner since they powered up in ep. 90)

Zathuda is both proud and angry towards Fearne which is both terrifying and a bit heartwarming(?)

Nana (I think/hope it was her bending fate) was able to help Team Infiltration escape the Weavemind after Orym reached out

Now for the other outcomes due to FCG's sacrifice:

Orym's deal with Nana should be void since the group cannot return as they were (VM Spoiler Note: Liam's PC was finally saved from a deal leading to a life of service by Sam's PC after he wasn't able to in C1)

Chetney is ALIVE! I'm counting this as part of the sacrifice bc due to weird leveling circumstances Sam sacrificed his one brand-new 7th-level spell slot to take Revivify, which is a major thing to give up

Otohan is DEAD! GONE! That is a MAJOR player off the board and another one of Ludinus's high-ranking members off the board

FCG is dead, seemingly unrevivable based on how Matt phrased it (asking to make sure Sam understood what it meant). That will have MAJOR implications going forward.

On a D&D technical level, there is no primary healer meaning that Fearne has to take some healing spells or the party can't heal at all (pretty sure they used up all their potions during that fight).

On a character level, this is going to be devastating. Ashton, who started this whole adventure with FCG and has been saying for a LONG time that FCG was going to get themself killed, was unconscious when FCG made the ultimate sacrifice. Sending works, which means when they get back to Exandria, Imogen will probably be the one to let FRIDA know what happened.

On a slightly lighter note, I feel like Travis is going to shine next week. It's been said before and I'll say it again, Chetney is the heart of Bells Hells. He knows how to be there for this family and I have a feeling that will come to the forefront as we see the aftermath

I'm sure there are more outcomes, but these are the ones on my mind after barely sleeping last night following that episode. Sam knows how to play this game well and cuts straight to the heart while doing so. It was masterfully played and while completely devastating to watch, was also incredibly heroic and beautiful.

Good game, great players, amazing DM, and of course thank you Fresh Cut Grass for being a Faithful Care-Giver until the end

#cr spoilers #critical role #fcg #bells hells #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #orym of the air ashari #laudna #imogen temult #chetney pock o'pea #im still emotionally wrecked #when matt started crying i completely lost it #by all means this would have been a tpk if not for fcg #sam riegel has done it again

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daistea · 7 months ago

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If you ever have the time, would you ever feel like taking a request with mithrun x an elf reader who's been taking care of him for a while? I've been thinking that they'd know of each other pre-demon, but weren't well acquainted (different circles, and reader is more introverted (like misril)) at the time until post-demon where they help nurse him to health and mayhaps join the canaries as a healer/support for the group.

If that's too specific, that's fine! You can take liberties.

If youre like "yeah that plain just won't happen with mithrun/hes not like that", that's fine! You don't need to write it if you don't want to

I don't want to force you or anything; it's just something that's been floating in my mind, recently!

Of course my friend! You asked so nicely <3

I think I’ll use she/her pronouns for the reader with this one if that’s cool!

Sooooo I’m assuming Mithrun was one of the Wardens in his squad. I don’t recall if it ever mentioned if he was in the first squad or the second. If it’s the second, then Milsiril might’ve been the Vice-Captain of his specific squad at the time, and Mithrun was her second in command like Pattadol is to him now. Cus u know Pattadol is second in command because she’s nobility, and Mithrun is nobility.. Yadda yadda. Let’s just go with that for simplicity’s sake. And since there’s only two Wardens to a squad, I’ve taken the liberty of making the reader a criminal, but it’s for something stupid like… jaywalking lol. Jaywalking using black magic. Or uh maybe using black magic to heal. Both? Two criminal charges, you rebel you

anywho..

tw suicide, mental illness, self harm, blood

Dungeon Meshi Spoilers ahead!

4500ish words

"Vignettes of a 40 Year Old Desire" - Mithrun x elf/healer female reader

●・○・●・○・●

Getting started was the hardest part.

You took a deep breath, your hands hovering over the wound. The slice in Mithrun’s arm was clean, with no brutal ridges. It would scar, but it would be a straight, neat white line on his skin when it was over. Even Mithrun’s wounds were perfect.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His voice was soft, and it reminded you of warm blankets on winter days. Your eyes flickered up to meet his and he offered a smile.

“Yeah,” you said. You sat beside him with your legs curled up beneath you. He sat with his legs criss-crossed, casual as if his bicep hadn’t just been nearly sliced open by the sword of a living armor. He had to be in pain, it was a deep wound. You’d managed to stop the excessive bleeding, but the paleness of his cheeks betrayed that he was feeling weak.

Still, starting was the hardest part.

You summoned your stores of mana, connecting to the spirits that made up the world. They were all around you, willing to obey, willing to lay upon Mithrun’s wound and graft his skin back together. A soft light glowed from beneath your palm as you ran your fingers around the edges of the wound. You weren’t sure why getting started was difficult for you, perhaps it was the feeling of magic pulsing through your veins that startled you, or the very fact that you had the ability to defy nature in this way. And there was that little bell that rang in the back of your mind, that urge to go further, deeper, darker.

That damn bell and its ringing had gotten your ears clipped.

You pulled back from Mithrun, letting your hands drop into your lap. “Done,” was all you said.

He blinked in surprise, then lifted his arm to inspect the spot where he’d been sliced. There was a faint scar, but it would probably fade if he got some sun. His lips twitched into a frown at the sight, but that expression immediately died, pushed aside and replaced with a smile. Mithrun didn’t need the sun, actually, he carried enough shine in his smiles…. Is what someone stupid would say.

“Thank you,” his voice was soft, polite. He pushed down the sleeve of his canary uniform and rolled his shoulders. Nearby, the rest of the team was setting up camp for the night. They laughed and passed around a wineskin. There was a spot on the ground between two of your peers, saved for Mithrun. Milsiril was a distance away with her back pressed against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest. She had a sewing needle that she meticulously threaded through the body of a ragdoll.

You expected Mithrun to stand up and cross the room to join the others. Yet, he didn’t. He stared at you, two silver eyes filled with curiosity. You returned the look and raised a brow as if to silently ask what he needed.

Finally, Mithrun offered a slightly bashful smile, “You don’t really socialize much, do you? Oh,” he perked up, eyes widening, “I don’t mean that in a bad way, of course. I mean, you’re shy, right? I just don’t know that much about you.”

And that drove him mad.

You were entirely too aware of Mithrun’s true nature. The others were too busy basking in his light, caught up in his orbit, trapped in his web. Even Milsiril deigned to notice. She could’ve if she wanted, she simply didn’t want to— it would be like looking in the sun, and once you got past the blinding light and actually looked, you would already be burnt.

You saw the looks on his face when nobody was looking. You didn’t mean to see them, you didn’t mean to stare, but it had become a habit to watch his reactions. There was a flicker of irritation in his eyes sometimes, the hint of a frown when someone didn’t play his game exactly how he planned. There were moments when his shoulders would tense and his smile would turn tight. There were moments he’d avoid answering questions about himself and turn the subject around on the inquirer to keep his history and feelings and thoughts hidden behind a very sturdy, well-guarded wall.

You were more interested in him than you’d like to admit. You’d drawn several conclusions: Mithrun genuinely enjoyed the company of others, but he couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t help but scowl when they weren’t looking and judge their decisions and look down on everything they said and did. He even did it to you.

Which was precisely why you avoided him for the most part. You didn’t want him to know more about you, to provide more ammunition so he could reload his weapon and fire it straight into your back.

So, all you had to say was, “Yeah, we don’t really talk much.” And you smiled as innocently as you could before standing up and wandering to a corner near Milsiril.

Mithrun’s eyes lingered on your back. He was probably making that face he made when displeased that his charm didn’t work; analytical, a hint of darkness, one could practically see the red-inked assumptions scribbling onto parchment in his head, destined to be filed under a wildly critical and exaggerated category and kept there until the end of time.

You only wished you understood why he was like that.

Mithrun disappeared without warning. The squad had been dispatched to the Central Observation Tower because yet another person had disappeared in the area. Mithrun offered to take his friend’s scouting duty into a dark tunnel because she was afraid of spiders and was convinced that there were millions of them in that specific dark tunnel. Milsiril offered to send you along with him, but at that time you were trying to heal a sprained ankle of another squad member. Mithrun waved a dismissive hand and smiled, “It’s no problem. I’ll be fine on my own, but thanks!”

That was the last you saw of him.

Milsiril had someone slumped on her arm. She held them up, breathing heavily and covered in dirt and blood and dirty blood. You rushed toward the scene. The person had silver hair caked with quickly drying streaks of red. His head lolled. But he was breathing. Thank goodness, he was breathing.

Milsiril gently laid Mithrun on the ground. Immediately, you sat beside him, your hands on his cheeks and forcing open his eyes— eye. Singular. The right one was a mess. There was no time to question that, though. You summoned a light spell and opened his eyelid and black irises greeted you. Weren’t his eyes silver before? It was dim, too. Yet, his chest moved up and down and his heart was still beating. You let go of his face and he closed his eyes again, head lolling to the side as he let out a soft exhale.

“So, this is where he’s been?” You asked Milsiril.

She nodded, “He became the dungeon lord. This place…” she glanced up at the twisted walls and long corridors that led to nowhere. There were monster corpses nearby. So many monsters, strong ones, weird ones with horrific teeth and eyes. “It’s a representation of him. I never knew…”

You knew, sort of. You just didn’t think it would get to this level. You didn’t think he’d fall to the demon. You didn’t think—

There was no time for thinking. You had to get started on healing him. For once, getting started wasn’t so hard, not when your heart raced, not when you were desperate for someone to live.

When Mithrun was conscious again, you offered your hand to help him stand.

He didn’t take it.

Of one thing you were certain: Mithrun of the house of Kerensil had no desire to live.

“You should’ve let me die.”

You perked up at the sound of his voice. It was the first time Mithrun had spoken in perhaps a month, and his vocal cords betrayed that fact. His voice was scratchy with disuse, and it was a struggle for him to speak. As you glanced over your shoulder to look at him, he didn’t bother meeting your eyes. His gaze was on the window near his bed, but he wasn’t looking at anything, not really.

“I should’ve let you die?” You echoed. You could hear the anger in your own voice. Mithrun didn’t care, you knew.

He simply nodded. A lock of silver fell over his bony shoulder. His collarbones were too pronounced. The sight made a fire start in your chest.

“Mithrun?” You asked.

He turned his head to look at you. One eye, as black as an endless pit, landed on your face. The other was covered by bandages.

And he waited. He didn’t actually care about what you had to say, you knew. But you had to say it.

“Don’t ever say those words to me again.”

Mithrun only stared, “Alright.”

Then he returned his attention to the window that he was not looking out of.

You don’t know when or why you started to care so much.

You’d always cared about people. You’d always wanted to help. But you didn’t even really like Mithrun before the dungeon incident. Now, his recovery was all you could focus on. And you were absolutely obsessed with the state of things.

“I don’t know what to do,” his brother whispered, desperate, “I’ve hired so many caretakers but they just don’t do anything for him. I mean, they do things, but he’s not getting any better.”

Someone had to break the news to him. “I don’t think anything we do is going to make him any better.”

“I want him to be better,” his brother furrowed his brows and took a deep breath.

You wanted the same. But for now, all you could do was keep Mithrun alive. As long as he ate and slept and breathed, that was good enough for now. That was all he could manage.

You visited the Kerensil family home more often these days. You weren’t sure why, but you cared. When he screamed at night and scratched himself to the point of bleeding, you healed him without a word. When he got ahold of a kitchen knife and put it to his throat, you wrestled it away from him, then helped his brother install locks on all the cabinets and drawers. When Mithrun snuck out at night to go slaughter every goat within a 50 mile radius, you cleaned the blood from his hair and hands.

You’d basically moved in. The captain had given you permission to dedicate time to Mithrun’s healing, since they would’ve liked to have him join again once he was better. To the other Canaries, this was part of your sentence. To you, this was part of your purpose.

You and Mithrun talked a lot. You talked the most. He stayed quiet, so you weren’t sure if you could consider it as actually holding a conversation. You weren’t sure if he was even listening. But once, when you were softly explaining the importance of getting rune shapes exactly right, you stopped and stared at your hands. You’d begun to enter dark territory, the study of black magic that had brought you to this place in life.

The silence stretched on for a minute or two before Mithrun tilted his head. His hair was splayed out on his pillow and his good eye was open, blinking, slightly alert.

“Continue,” he said.

So you continued. And he stared at the ceiling. And you knew that he was listening. He didn’t care, of course, but he was listening.

One night, Mithrun nearly hit a vital organ with a piece of glass from the bathroom mirror that he’d shattered.

You healed it, the light from your hands growing brighter than usual. Your shoulders were tense and you couldn’t help but scowl and growl and mutter.

Mithrun just looked at you, “You know this isn’t what I want.”

“I don’t care,” you answered immediately.

He grit his teeth, “I don’t want to live.”

“I want you to live!” You exploded. He flinched backward, but no emotion passed over his face. He simply stared. You gulped down your feelings and continued healing him.

Maybe that was selfish of you. You didn’t care.

Milsiril was a mother. Milsiril was a caretaker. Milsiril was a toymaker and she knew how to wind them up and set them on the path again.

“I’m ready to go back into the dungeon,” Mithrun said. His voice was still scratchy, but he was sitting up on his bed for once. He’d gained a few pounds and his shoulders weren’t sharp as knives anymore.

Milsiril only shook her head, “Not yet, I’m sorry.”

Mithrun looked at you as if he expected you to ally with him. You knew him the best, you knew what he wanted in life. You even knew what his secret desire was, the one he couldn’t admit to himself.

You shook your head as well, “You’re still underweight and you haven’t quite gotten the hang of taking care of yourself yet.”

Mithrun’s expression only darkened, “Then let’s keep practicing.”

Where Milsiril was more concerned with making Mithrun socially acceptable enough to rejoin society, you were much more concerned about his living conditions, health, and dignity. It was a relief that he’d stopped trying to pick the locks on the knife drawer. It was not a relief that Mithrun was planning for his inevitable death against the demon— not that he’d admit that.

He wanted different things now. No longer was his goal to die from withering away, but rather to die at the hands of the god who once served him. Still, it involved him dying. There was this feeling you had inside, comparable to the feeling you had when you were first being hunted by the Canaries. You knew it was inevitable that they would find you and jail you or make you join them. Anticipation rose in your chest until it finally burst when they tied up your wrists and clipped your ears.

Now, anticipation was rising again. It had been rising for the last twenty or so years that you’d spent at Mithrun’s side. You could only wonder when it would burst, and when you’d end up as scraps on the floor like the shreds of a popped balloon. You could only wonder.

When Mithrun rejoined the Canaries, you went with him. He said nothing about that. You were the one who cut his hair shorter for functionality reasons. You were the one who delivered his new uniform and made sure it fit. You were the one who sat on his back as he did push ups for training— which was actually the most fun with him you’d had in the last twenty years. It was kind of silly, but it was good to see him willing to do things like exercise and challenge himself, even if his end goal was just to reach the demon.

There was a lot of teasing involved when you two returned to the Canaries.

“Are you in love with him or something?” Helki asked behind his hand. He cast a glance at Mithrun, who was sitting nearby and silently staring out the window.

You made a face, “With Mithrun? No. I love him, but not like that.”

“Are you sure?” He snorted, “You’ve been like his little wife for the last few decades.”

“I don’t think I would consider all that as wife-like,” you retorted.

“Why do you do it, then?”

Was it truly so impossible for someone to comprehend caring for another individual without expecting something in return? Or not having a motive? You supposed there was a motive, but it wasn’t romance. You just… cared. You wanted him to stay alive and get better. And he was relatively better, now. Relatively.

You patted Helki’s shoulder, “Because he’s my friend. Nothing more.”

You didn’t notice, but Mithrun’s head tilted. He always listened to you, even when you didn’t think so.

“Can you help her?” Flamela jutted a thumb toward where you and Mithrun sat. Her voice, louder than everybody else’s in the Canary’s headquarters, caught your attention. Mithrun kept his arms crossed and his gaze on the recruits training outside.

Cithis blinked in surprise. Her eyes landed on you and you returned the look with a hesitant smile.

“It’s a lot to explain,” Flamela continued, “but Captain Mithrun needs help and [name] needs a break.”

Your brows furrowed. You hadn’t expressed needing a break before. You were fine. You liked taking care of Mithrun. Yet before you could protest, Flamela was already walking away. And Cithis stood there with her hands folded and her eyes curious, analyzing.

Dread settled into your chest.

“You’re not some helpless baby, Mithrun,” you didn’t mean to yell, nor pace, nor gesture so wildly with your hands, but you couldn’t help it. “You’re not a dog, not a slave, not someone who can be exploited for entertainment! You’re a person and you deserve respect!”

Mithrun only raised a brow, “So, you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” you snapped, sounding quite mad at him. Yet you pulled yourself together and took a deep breath, “No, Mithrun, I’m not mad at you. It’s not your fault. I just wish people saw you as more than what you’re going through. You’re the damn Captain of the Canaries now, you’ve risen above some really tough shit and you’re capable and strong and—”

Lord.

The realization hit you like a slap to the face.

You froze, mouth hanging open, eyes on Mithrun. He only stared, as he tended to do, waiting for you to say something. But you couldn’t. You’d been slapped in the face by reality and now everything ached.

“I’ve got to go,” you managed to squeak out before running toward the door. You left his bedroom behind and darted down the hallway of the Canaries Headquarters. You shared a room with a few other criminals, but they weren’t there when you burst inside and collapsed onto your bed. You were in your late 100’s yet there you were, screaming into your pillow like a 60 year old.

You’re in love.

“I’m in love,” you said out loud, which you immediately regretted because that made things real.

You’re in love. You’re in love. You’re in love and it hurts so much because Mithrun could never love you back. Were you a masochist? Probably. Your heart hurt. You suddenly understood the concept of heartbreak, it felt as if your heart was about to physically fall apart. Realizing that you’re in love should be a happy moment. It shouldn’t hurt so much.

Alright, you decided. You��re going to ignore it like an adult. You’re going to take this secret to the grave.

Captain Mithrun’s team was a mess.

But they were fun.

“Hey,” Lycion elbowed you one night at the dinner table. He leaned down to whisper while you were mid-bite of a piece of chicken. “Do you think the Captain would let me check out the fighting scene on that island? Like, we could put off the whole negotiations thing for a day so I can go see it?”

Mithrun personally wouldn’t care, you knew, but he would refuse Lycion’s request for the sake of getting into the dungeon faster. You swallowed your food and sent him a glance, “Why’re you asking me? Pattadol’s the one that does all the decision stuff with Mithru— the Captain.”

“But you know him best.”

True enough. Still, you were just the healer, still a criminal sentenced to another 40 or so years of Canary service. You sent Lycion an apologetic smile, “Sorry. I don’t think he would.”

“Can you ask him?” Lycion used that purring voice he always utilized on certain targets unwilling to obey.

You remained unaffected, “I don’t see why you think me asking him would make a difference.”

“The Captain would do anything you asked!” He explained, “Within reason, of course. You’re his girl.”

Your heart skipped a beat and you forced the satisfaction down. “I’m not his girl. And he pretty much does whatever anyone tells him to do as long as it doesn’t interfere with his goals, so I’m not any different.”

“You’re blind,” Lycion muttered, “so blind.”

Mithrun had been pulled into the stupid pit thing or whatever with that stupid Kabru guy. You were going to pull your hair out.

When he reunited with the Canaries, he actually looked rather well-taken care of. You begrudgingly admitted that Kabru may not be as stupid as you thought, but you couldn’t let go of your anger at the entire situation. You still wanted to pull your hair out, mostly because you were resisting the urge to wrap your arms around the Captain and squeeze until your bodies melted together.

Mithrun noticed your stress and slowly approached you. He patted your head, “I’m fine,” he said.

He could be shot in the chest and he’d still claim to be fine.

“When this is all over,” you managed to say through the fog of anger and worry and adoration and fury, “we’re taking a holiday. We’ll go to the Eastern Archipelago and we’re sitting on the beach and we’re going to do very safe things like build sandcastles or take naps.”

Mithrun looked down at you. He stared, as was his tendency. Then he raised both brows and you thought that just for a second, there was a hint of a smile on his lips. An affectionate smile. Perhaps it was hopeful thinking, an illusion brought forth by stress. You weren’t sure.

His hand that was on your head slowly ran down the side of your cheek and to your chin, lifting your face so you’d look at him. He didn’t hold you for long, though, letting his arm drop to his side when he had your attention. “When we have time, I will go where you go,” he said.

You wanted to smack him in his stupid beautiful face for being so sweet. What was wrong with him? Was he in a good mood? You could only narrow your eyes in suspicion.

Of course, Mithrun walked away after that, back to the mission at hand. Yet his words echoed. I will go where you go.

That was more like something you would say to him. You’ve made the decision to be at his side for the last 40 years. You would follow him to the ends of the earth.

Surely, he didn’t mean it.

But then again, Mithrun wasn’t in the habit of lying unless it served his purpose. And he wouldn’t lie to you, of all people. Surely not.

The demon was gone and Mithrun had lost his purpose in life.

How scary, you thought. How terrifying to lose your one reason for living. You’d most likely be on the ground, slumped up against a tree and expecting to wither away just like him. But unlike you, Mithrun had people who cared for him, who wouldn’t accept that fate for him, who loved him.

Senshi and Kabru said their pieces. The Canaries all agreed with a chorus of encouragement and opinions and friendship.

You offered your hand, like you always did, like you’d been doing for the last four decades.

He took it.

Mithrun placed his hand in yours. And the anticipation bubble that had been building in your chest for so long finally popped. But you were okay. It was okay. He was okay.

Mithrun pardoned you, surprisingly. You told him that wasn’t necessary and that he should use his pardon on someone else who had a longer sentence. There were only 40 years left for you. Surely they wouldn’t be as long as the last 40 years had been.

“No, it's you I want,” Mithrun said rather casually, “you’re staying with me in Melini.”

He wanted something. He wanted you.

You forced yourself to stay upright, “Alright. If you insist.”

Living with Mithrun in this state was very different. It was fun, heartbreaking, difficult, easy, calm, chaotic. Some days, he laid in bed and stared at the wall. Other days, he made noodles and walked through the forest and sat on the beach with you, doing very safe things like building sandcastles and taking naps. Many people in town assumed you two were married. You always corrected them, Mithrun never did.

He observed monsters and would need healing sometimes. You would push up the sleeve of his tunic and trace your fingers along old scars, none of them perfect. Then, heal him, as you tend to do.

“Are you sure you want this?” Mithrun asked one day.

You looked up to meet his eyes. Ink black, your favorite color. “What?”

“You can spend your life any way you want now,” he explained, his voice flat, “you’re free. I’m not your burden anymore.”

Your heart clenched in your chest. “You have never been a burden to me.”

“I used to hate you for keeping me alive.”

“I know.”

“And you never hated me?”

“I sometimes did,” you admitted softly, fingers tracing over his skin. You recalled this certain scar, from a pair of scissors you wrestled out of his hands at two in the morning years ago. “But it was the kind of hate that only stems from love.”

“You have always treated me like a human,” Mithrun murmured. His free hand went to your chin and lifted your face, “Like someone that deserves to live. You loved me despite my inability to give you anything in return. But I’m able now,” he leaned closer, “so allow me this.”

Damn. That had to be the first time you’d ever heard Mithrun say anything like tha—

He was kissing you.

It took you a moment to realize what was happening. His lips were on yours and your heart felt as if it might explode. Your hands shook as you raised them, eventually finding their way to his hair. That felt right. This was right. He deepened the kiss, slowly pushing forward. It was slow and careful and calm. It held so many words that neither of you were able to say. As he gently ran his hand up your thigh and to your hips, you couldn’t help but shiver.

40 years of longing accumulated into this moment. In a dark house in a new kingdom in a demon-free world, you started something new, and for once it wasn’t difficult at all.

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pavlov-sdog · 7 days ago

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Something thats crossed my mind recently is whether or not Bell’s veins began to scar or at the very least bruise, and also just how noticeable it was to them. After all i don’t think anyone treated Bell carefully enough to avoid it, not to mention it’s basically just inevitable to my knowledge.

Would Bell wonder why their arms/wrists/ect were so sore all the time, but never really notice any trauma, especially due to wearing long sleeve’s and such constantly or just being too busy or out of it to really care? Or, would it be pretty noticeable? Would Bell be embarrassed about it? What do they think was the cause for it? I would assume a medical incident of some kind, that’s probably the easiest excuse, but also it would be strange that it never heals.

im very 50/50 on whether or not the team would actually care enough to be stealthy about it because one, Adler. End of my first point. And two, Bell doesn’t really and can’t really push back on anything suspicious all that much, they kinda just have to deal with their own inner turmoil especially because the team is known for just gaslighting and brushing them off. But also would the team really be that bold? Bell is already no doubt extremely unstable and more suspicions don't really help. then again the team seems somewhat careless when it comes to stuff like that.

#I say this because i went to the hospital this last month and had to get an IV. that shit bruised for over a week it sucked #I might just bruise easily because that happens everytime i get something like that #Either way poor Bell it was horrible just getting stuff like Tylenol and fluids- i cannot imagine what all the drugs did to Bell’s body #bell cod #cod bell #bocw #cod cold war #black ops cold war #cod cw

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jowrites · 7 months ago

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At Her Mercy - Lee Heeseung

TW: FLUFF. SMUT. Heeseung is obsessed. SMUT. oral(f recieving) squirting, missionary, sex talk, kisisng, groping, hickeys, uhm yeah? unprotected sex. Enjoy!

Deep cut. If there was one way to describe her it would be a deep cut. She was like a deep cut on his skin that stung and never seemed to get better. No matter how many bandages you would put on it, it would still be deep and leave a pretty scar. He didn’t mind, he wouldn’t even try to heal it or fix it. He wanted all of it: the blood, the pain, he wanted it all. Because if it meant she stayed and never left, he would gladly take it.

Heeseung doesn’t remember when he started liking her. He remembers seeing her walk by and he could smell her perfume, it was sweet unlike anything he’s smelled before. It wasn’t like candy, it was more like he was being transported into a fairytale. When he turned around and watched her waltz off, greeting her friend who embraced her, he could see just how beautiful she was. It made sense for her aroma to compliment her features the way it did. And since then, he would steal every glance he could her way and admire her very being. Everyone knew about his obsession with her. He was the Captain of the Basketball team after all, and everyone else was dying for his attention yet he always seemed to be staring at somebody else. And she wouldn’t give him the time of day.

“Did you hear about YN?” His best friend, Jake, came up to him.

“No? What about her?” He asked.

“She broke up with her boyfriend.”

Oh.

This was actually the first time he heard she had a boyfriend. So that explains it. Why she never faltered or gave him the time of day when he just craved her attention. She had someone else she was wasting her time on. Heeseung chuckled to himself, in disbelief that someone would be dumb enough to fumble someone like her. Jake has heard him rant about his liking towards YN, just how perfect she was. Jake would just listen as his friend raved on and on about his crush, letting him fanboy and relish in his fantasies.

With this newfound information, Heeseung decided it was the perfect time to finally go for her. One thing about Heeseung, he never lost. And he never stopped, he never gave up, and he would never give up until he had her.

****************

“Tell me why we’re going again? Don’t you have a book report due or something?” Sunoo said, unamused and bored as he laid on YN’s bed.

“I finished it,” YN said as she tossed some clothes onto the bed.

“Ugh, nerd,” Sunoo said, rolling his eyes at his friend.

YN stood in her pink lace lingerie as she went through her wardrobe trying to find an outfit for a party they were invited to. Of course, she had to drag her best friend along despite his protests. He was not very thrilled to be tagging along, he much rather preferred to stay home and watch movies and eat as much food as he had access to. Parties weren’t his thing.

“Fine, if we’re going I’m going to get super drunk and you can’t stop me!” Sunoo said, standing up and going across the hallway to his own room to change. YN smiled in victory, she knew Sunoo couldn’t say no to her, and as much as he hated parties, he liked drama and there was always drama at parties.

“Should I wear a bra or go braless?” YN yelled from her room.

“It depends on what you’re wearing, you can just wear your bra as a shirt and put your jean jacket on and jeans. It looks cute like that,” Sunoo said, coming out and quickly buttoning up his own shirt. “Yeah, definitely wear that, your tits look amazing.”

“You don’t think it’s too much? You can literally see my nipples,” YN said, looking at how the lace was so see through, her whole chest was on full display for the eyes to see.

“Only if people look close enough, which they definitely will but who cares? Boobs are great.”

YN shrugged and found some bell bottoms and buttoned them up, finishing the outfit with a jean jacket that matched the jeans. She already had her makeup and hair done, quickly touching up her lipgloss and grabbing her keys and phone.

“Are you ready? Let's go.”

***************

When YN and Sunoo got to the party, the party was already full of life. Music was blasting, people were going in and out, someone was already throwing up in the bushes by the porch. YN scanned the room, smiling at some of her friends who approached her and Sunoo, Sunoo quickly greeting them as they dragged the two to get some drinks. All eyes were on YN, girls digging their eyes at her in envy and men watching her like she was the best slack of meat they’ve ever seen. Heeseung immediately took note when his friends pointed her out. Not once were his eyes leaving her figure.

“Don’t you ever get tired of it?” Her friend, Yena, asked as YN took her first shot.

“Tired of what?” YN asked.

“All the stares? I know it would make me uncomfortable,” Yena said.

“You just learn to ignore it,” YN shrugged her shoulders as she poured Sunoo a drink.

“Thank you, lovely,” Sunoo said, kissing her cheek. “She has me to scare off any predators.”

“No offense Sunoo, but you’re not very intimidating,” Yena said.

“Oh, no he is. Sunoo can be very terrifying,” YN defended. “He can rip you to shreds with his words, that’s scarier.”

“Don’t get on my bad side, sweetheart. I don’t play nice,” Sunoo winked and Yena chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Whose bad side do I have to worry about?”

Yena’s eyes went wide as Sunoo and YN turned around at the noise. Heeseung stood behind them, coming up and invading YNs space as he grabbed a cup, towering over her and not once leaving eye contact.

“Oh great, another one,” Sunoo said, rolling his eyes and downing his drink. “Mind making me one, Captain?”

“Do you want me to make you one?” Heeseung asked YN, ignoring Sunoo as Sunoo rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“No but you can make Sunoo one,” YN said, grabbing Sunoo’s cup and handing it to Heeseung.

“Of course, love,” He said, his breath landing on her face filling her senses.

“I’m just gonna go…” Yena said, grabbing their friend Yeji and leaving the bar. Sunoo folded his arms over his chest and watched with a bored expression as Heeseung slowly made their drinks. Sunoo noticed as Heeseung kept glancing at YN, and it was embarrassing. YN was looking around the bar in search of her favorite beverage, letting out a “AHA!” When she found one, grabbing two white claws out of the mini fridge and opened one. She took a straw from the table next to everything and began to sip on her drink in content.

“You prefer white claws over hard liquor?” Heeseung asked.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” She replied.

“She’s not allowed unless we’re home,” Sunoo said as he took his drink from Heeseung, Heeseung glaring at him.

“She’s an adult, she doesn’t need a babysitter,” Heeseung said in annoyance.

“Oh trust me, she does when she drinks. Let’s go, babe, I’m bored,” Sunoo said, eyeing Heeseung up and down and grabbing YNs hand and walking off.

YN followed, giving a small wave to Heeseung but not giving him another glance. Heeseung’s jaw clenched, downing his drink and crushing the cup and walking the opposite direction. He walked back to his friends and sulked in the corner as he watched YN dance with Sunoo. He could see her chest on full display as she moved her body, swaying to the music. He could still smell her perfume from his spot in the corner as he watched her.

Throughout the night, Sunoo became more and more drunk. He laughed with his friend, giving her small kisses on her face, and expressing his love and gratitude for her. YN would smile and just encourage him to drink water. She Loved her best friend and he was a fun drunk, but he was also a very touchy drunk and she didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Heeseung was watching the scene all night, his jaw clenching all night every time Sunoo’s lips found YNs skin. Why couldn’t that be him?

YN decided it was time to go. She was barely able to hold up Sunoo in his state, wrapping an arm around him and trying to usher him out. Heeseung watched as Sunoo almost lost all balance and dragging YN down with him. He knew it was time to step in then.

“Do you need help?” Heeseung came up, grabbed Sunoo and YN looked up at him with sorry eyes.

“If you don’t mind? He’s a lot bigger than me,” YN said.

“Of course, I have a car,” He said.

“Are you sober enough to drive?” She asked.

“Oh trust me, Sunoo pretty much made me lose my vibe,” He said.

“Yeah, sorry about him, he gets really protective,” YN said.

“It’s okay, I’d be protective over you too if I could. Let’s get him to my car.”

YN nodded, helping Heeseung drag a very drunk Sunoo out of the house and down the road where Heeseung’s black Jeep was. After they helped Sunoo in the back, Heeseung opened the passenger door for YN, her body rubbing up on him as he helped her in. His eyes never once left her frame as she sat in. He rushed to the other side and leaned over, grabbing the seatbelt for her, his face inches from hers causing her to gasp. He slowly buckled her seatbelt for her, noticing as heat rushed on her cheeks.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she whispered.

“I wanted to.”

YN was feeling conflict. She of course knew of Heeseung and his infatuation with her, but she never felt the need to act on it. She knew about heeseung and his reputation, and she didn’t want to be just one of his girls so she always kept to herself and minded her business. Even being in his car, taking in his scent and being in his presence like this had her mind screaming at her. She wasn’t anyone's toy to mess with.

“Where should I take him?” Heeseung asked as he started the car.

“Oh, just back to our apartment,” YN said. “I’ll show you where, it’s not far from campus.”

Heeseung nodded, not realizing her and Sunoo lived together. I guess it made sense since they were best friends. He lived alone of course, his parents buying him his own place when he went off to University. He preferred it that way, having his privacy. He wondered if it bothered Sunoo hearing as her ex-boyfriend touched her behind doors. Just thinking about it made his knuckles go white as he squeezed the steering wheel.

As Heeseung pulled up in front of their apartment, he parked and turned off the engine, quickly rushing out and opening the passenger door again for her. She thanked him and opened the back where Sunoo was passed out. YN sighed in defeat, shaking her head at the sight. Heeseung helped her grab Sunoo, both of them helping him out of the backseat and Heeseung holding most of his weight as YN tried to balance him. She gave his cheeks a few smacks, hoping it would sober him up enough to walk with them. It didn’t.

YN led Heeseung towards the elevators and together they managed to make it to her apartment and help Sunoo in his bed. YN shook her head at her friend, quickly tucking him in and leaving a water bottle on his night stand and bringing his bin closer to the side just in case he had issues in the middle of the night. When YN closed his door, she noticed Heeseung was still there, his arms folded over his chest as he stood in her kitchen, lost in thought.

“Thank you, Heeseung. You have no idea how much you made tonight easier for me,” YN said, giving him a smile. “Would you like some water before you leave?”

No, but I’d like you.

“No, no I’m fine, thank you,” Heeseung straightened up and smiled.

“Okay well, I definitely owe you a coffee or something to repay you,” she said.

“How about you come to my game next Friday? I’d love for you to be there,” Heeseung suggested.

“Oh, next Friday?” YN rubbed her neck, thinking about how to get out of this.

“Come on, it won’t be so bad. Plus, you’ll get to see the star of the basketball team in action,” Heeseung winked, making a blush form on her face.

“Ah, and here I thought you weren’t going to be full of yourself,” YN teased.

“I have every reason to be, if you come you’d understand,” He said.

“Okay, I’ll try to make it. I don’t like basketball though, it’s boring,” YN said and Heeseung gasped, pretending to be hurt.

“I am completely offended,” He said as YN and him started walking down the hall to the door.

“I said what I said,” She stuck out her tongue and he laughed.

“I’ll see you around, YN,” He said. “Also, don’t be a stranger, I don’t bite.”

*********************

The buzzer buzzed causing an uproar in the stands. Cheers began around her as she sat there looking at the score. Heeseung threw the last shot, making it into the hoop and winning the game. The game was over, 80-91 was the finishing score as her University team won. The cheers were loud, causing YN to flinch in annoyance, turning to her best friend who sat there annoyed and holding his fingers in his ears to cover out the noise. He gave her a glare and she just chuckled at him, pinching his cheeks and him attempting to bite her fingers. The whole time, Heeseung was watching her. The swelling in his chest is getting bigger and bigger. Throughout the game he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He watched her as she looked at him in amazement, watching the ball go from side to side.

“Good shot, man! You did it!” One of his teammates said as Heeseung quickly waved them off, walking over to the side of where his crush was sitting. She looked at him and saw him just staring at her, waving her to come over to him. She shook her head, standing up and shrugging. He nodded for her to meet him on the sides and she sighed, nodding back. She waited for the crowds to scurry off as she grabbed Sunoo and brought him down to the court. Sunoo was the most annoyed he’s ever been. He hated basketball and couldn’t believe YN dragged him to one of the games, Heeseung’s to be exact.

“This is so fucking annoying,” Sunoo complained.

Heeseung emerged from the side again, a towel around his neck as he finished wiping his sweat.

“You came, I’m glad you did,” Heeseung pulled YN in for a hug, catching her off guard.

“Ew! You’re so sweaty!” YN said, pushing him back a bit as Sunoo fake gagged.

“Disgusting,” Sunoo said. “Okay, you saw him, let’s go.”

“Wait, Sunoo don’t be so rude,” YN said, giving Sunoo a look as Sunoo just scoffed.

“Yeah, Sunoo, don’t be so rude,” Heeseung said, mocking Sunoo as Sunoo glared at him.

“Look, we all know your intentions here and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but YN is way too good for you,” Sunoo said.

“Sunoo!” YN said, scolding her friend and nudging him.

“What? It’s true. He’s trying to get in your pants and remember? You said you’d never-” Sunoo began to say just as YN shut him up with her hand.

“He hasn’t done anything to you, stop being so rude! He helped me last week with you so you should actually be thanking him,” YN said.

“Geez, just how much do you hate me?” Heeseung asked Sunoo, venom in his voice.

“Thank you for helping, now let’s go YN!” Sunoo said, grabbing his friend.

“No! Wait!” Heeseung said, grabbing her hand and pushing YN behind him. “I don’t know what I did to you but I’d like to talk to YN alone, please.”

“Sunoo, I think you should go,” YN said.

“I’m just looking out for you,” Sunoo said, hurt in his voice.

“I appreciate that but you’re being very mean and Heeseung hasn’t done anything to deserve that kind of attitude,” YN said. “If you can’t be nice then don’t say anything at all.”

“Fine, fine. Look, I’m sorry for being a dick,” Sunoo said, defeated.

“It’s all good, just can I have my moment with her now?” Heeseung asked and Sunoo sighed, looking between YN and heeseung. YN could see the worry in his eyes before nodding and backing off.

“I’ll see you at home, okay? Call me, seriously call me if you need anything,” Sunoo said and YN nodded.

“I can handle myself, Sun. I’ll see you at home.”

Sunoo then walked off, taking one more glance as he left the court. He wanted to always protect YN from the big bad wolf, and he knew Heeseung was the baddest of them all. He has seen YN be hurt time and time again, having to be there to witness and watch her get hurt. He only wanted what was best for his best friend. He always managed to scare people away, even going so close as to starting rumors of them together to keep him at peace. He has no romantic feelings for her, but he would do what he could to keep the predators at bay. The way he heard people talk about her made him extremely uncomfortable, and even though she said it didn’t bother her, he knew it did.

“I’m really, really sorry about him. I really was not expecting Sunoo to act like that,” YN apologized as Heeseung just laughed.

“No, no I get it. I have a reputation and it’s not a very good one,” Heeseung said and YN nodded.

“Yeah, can’t say I haven’t heard,” she said. “You are a really talented player by the way. Congratulations!”

Heeseung winced at her words, annoyance filling his chest. He regretted everything now, at that moment. He used girls around him to try to take his mind off of her, wishing their bodies were her. Of course, he was left unsatisfied and mostly feeling empty. He wanted her so bad and now he could sense that using the girls was just a big mistake, because now she wanted nothing to do with him. And it was only his fault.

“Would you ever give me a chance?” He said, ignoring her statement.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I know I have a reputation, YN, a pretty sick one at that. But please, when I tell you those girls meant nothing to me, absolutely nothing, I mean it. I have watched you, I have admired you, and I have tried chasing you and you never once gave me the time of day. But I’m here, in front of you and I’m begging you to please, please give me a chance,” He pleaded, his hands coming up to hold her shoulders, him looking directly in her eyes.

“Heeseung, I-I had no idea,” YN said.

“Please tell me I didn’t fuck up my chance, please, please!” He begged, searching her eyes as a gasp left her lips.

She really had no idea, and as she looked at him there she wanted to just hold him in her arms and reassure him it was okay. But why was she frozen in place? She didn’t know what to think, her heart wanted to be loved by him, deep down she was glad he wanted her and craved her attention, but the other part was still screaming at her to run so she wouldn’t get hurt. What if he hurts her? Just use her in the end?

“I don’t want to be one of your girls you use and just toss away,” she said.

“No, no, YN,” He said. “Please, give me a chance to show you that I have been and am still completely at your mercy. Let me prove it to you, please.”

“Okay.”

********************

The next day YN woke up to flowers arriving at her door, with small love notes on them. And the following week she woke up to the same thing, again with love letters. For the past month this was happening every week, flower arrangements starting to decorate her apartment. She kept every note and would read them every night. Her interactions with Heeseung were frequent, Sunoo even being impressed with his courting of his best friend, and how Heeseung seemed to be completely at her will. Heeseung would ditch his friends to hangout with them, always holding her books or bag for her if she needed it, anything she mentioned Heeseung would get it for her. Sunoo couldn’t believe just how much of a simp the Basketball Captain was for his best friend.

It was a Saturday morning when Sunoo heard a knock on their door. YN wasn’t up yet and Sunoo was an early riser. He walked over and opened the door, seeing the big flowers in his face as a smiling Heeseung popped out from behind.

“Oh God,” Sunoo said. “I think we get it.”

“I can’t give my woman some flowers?” Heeseung said as he followed Sunoo in their apartment, placing the flowers down on their small table.

“We’re running out of room, Heeseung. You know what’s an amazing gift? Soju,” Sunoo suggested.

“Yeah, because I’d like to help YN carry you to bed again,” Heeseung teased.

“I stand corrected, you and YN are made for each other. Lame asses,” Sunoo said. “She’s still asleep.”

Sunoo walked to the door then, grabbing his things and leaving Heeseung alone just standing there. Heeseung was starting to get used to Sunoo’s behavior and attitude. Sunoo was sassy and unpredictable. He never mentioned what he was doing or why, he just did. So him leaving Heeseung alone didn’t really surprise him or phase him.

Heeseung walked down the hallway and silently opened the door to YNs room. He peeked inside, quietly walking in and closing the door behind him. He went over to the bed where he saw her small curled up figure, something he found endearing everytime she fell asleep with him. She grabbed things and always curled up in her sleep. She would mumble things as well and sometimes he would wake up and she was laying sideways. The way this woman had his heart in chains. He was a complete slave for her, her very being was the reason for his existence.

He got in bed next to her, sitting up against her head board, her body began to move and she mumbled. He moved some of her hair out of her face, her head chasing the feeling as she began waking up.

“Heeseung?” she mumbled out, still in a dreamlike state.

“Shh, go to sleep, pretty,” Heeseung hushed her. “I’ll be right here.”

“Lay with me?” She asked and he got up, removing his jeans and shirt, and getting back in bed with her. He pulled her body towards him, hugging her and trapping her frame to his. She turned over, their chests touching as she wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling her face into his neck.

“Hmmm, so nice. This is nice,” she mumbled out, a smile going on her face.

“You’re so perfect for me, go back to sleep, love. I’m right here.”

Heeseung fell asleep then. He came over early because he wanted to take her to breakfast, but he’d skip breakfast any day if it meant he got to hold her in bed and sleep next to her. It didn’t take long for him to fall into his dreams, dreaming over caressing her and holding her. He didn’t even need to dream because he was already living his reality. When YN woke up, she was wrapped in Heeseungs arms, not really remembering how he got here. She thought everything was a dream and when she came face to face with his sleeping form, she was glad it wasn’t.

She lifted her fingers and began to trace his face. He looked so peaceful and beautiful when he slept. She could get used to this.

“You know, if you wanted to take a picture, I’d let you take as many as you’d like,” Heeseung mumbled out, not opening his eyes and causing fits of giggles to come out of her mouth.

“I’ll do that later, for now I just want to stare,” she said and he smiled.

“Stare all you want, sweetheart, my face is yours,” he said.

“When did you get here?” she asked.

“Earlier, but you looked so cute I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said, opening his eyes and staring at her.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” he said back, both of them just smiling at each other.

They just stared at each other, YN could feel how Heeseung’s chest began to beat faster as she rubbed circles on his skin. Heeseung then realized how close she was, the flush in her cheeks and her tired eyes waking up more and more. He couldn’t help himself, he leaned in quickly and filled the small gap, kissing her lips in a passionate kiss. She moved her lips with his, her fingers gentle on his jaw as their mouths moved in sync. She moaned into the kiss and something in heeseung ignited.

Heeseung quickly rolled over on top of her, not breaking the kiss. His tongue slipped in her mouth, his kiss getting more and more aggressive. He bit her lips, sucking on them and trailing kisses down her neck. He began sucking on the skin of her neck and collarbone as she lifted her neck up to give him more access. Heat rushed to her core and she could feel herself getting wetter by each touch.

“Tell me to stop,” Heeseung said, his hands trailing down her sides, going under the large shirt and feeling the skin on her hip, playing with the lace of her panties.

“Don’t,” she said, sighing and Heeseung lifted up, looking down at her.

“Are you sure?” he asked and she nodded.

“Please,” she brought his lips down to hers. “Touch me.”

Heeseung didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly kissed back, lifting up a little and removing her shirt in one go. Her breasts were on full display for him to see, the skin on her neck and collarbone already to color from his actions. He leaned back down and crashed his lips to her with a hungry growl. He kneaded her breasts, squeezing and pinching her nipples, causing small yelps to come out of her mouth. Every reaction he got he felt his erection grow.

“Baby, look at what you do to me,” he took her hand in his and brought it to his erection where she began to palm through his boxers.

“More, Heeseung I want more.”

Heeseung trailed kisses down her stomach, his hand placed between her legs and feeling the wetness in between. He pressed his thumb inside, pushing her panties inside. She bucked her hips and moaned at the feeling, her body moving up and down along with his pushing trying to gain some relief.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.”

Heeseung became impatient then, he grabbed her panties and quickly forced them down as he became face to face with her heat. He gave her thighs a few bites as he lifted her legs over his shoulder and he licked her cunt from top to bottom. She moaned at his actions, him not once taking his eyes off her as he shoved his tongue deep inside. Her body jolted up as she sighed. Heeseung began to abuse her center with his mouth, eating her out like this was his last meal. Her body was shaking, moving side to side and she rode his face. Moans and curses were coming from her mouth as he continued, her wetness and his saliva falling on the bed and everywhere it would get.

He pressed down on her middle, sticking two fingers in and pumping them as he licked her up. She felt the pit in her stomach then, as Heeseung continued giving her core all his attention.

“Hee, I’m-fuck! Gonna cum!”

“Baby, cum for me. Let me taste you.”

With one more press on her middle, her body convulsed and her legs began to shake. He felt her release all over his tongue, her squirting directly into his mouth and he sucked every bit of it. He pulled his fingers out, sucking and letting her ride out her high.

“Oh my God!” She cried, tears coming from her eyes as her body still shook from her intense orgasm.

Heeseung leaned back on his knees, watching as her body convulsed and was coming down from her high. He leaned up, taking her lips in his and letting her taste herself. She moaned, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer.

“God, that was so sexy.”

He removed his boxers then, hissing as he grabbed his cock in his hands and pumped himself, feeling the precum leak from his tip. He placed himself between her folds, going up and down and teasing her. She stared into his eyes, nodding as he gave her a quick kiss and pushed his cock in between her core. He pushed all the way in, a gasp leaving her lips before she closed her eyes shut and bit her lips.

“Baby, you can take it all. God, fuck! You’re so tight!”

He pushed in deeper, hearing her whine from the stretch. He was big. The biggest she’s had and she wasn’t sure if she could handle it. But he didn’t stop. He kissed the tears from her eyes as he finally bottomed out, not moving and letting her adjust. He peppered her face with kisses as she nodded, signaling him to move. He did, pulling out halfway before thrusting all the way in, getting a yelp from her as her body jolted.

“It’s so big, Hee. Fuck!”

“You got this, let me make you feel good.”

She nodded as he began thrusting in and out, picking up his speed. Her body started matching his movements, her back arching as she began moaning in pleasure. He grabbed her hands and held them over her head as he leaned back, taking her hip and thrusting his hips into her. He looked down where they met, watching in awe as his cock moved in and out of her cunt, seeing their juices mix perfectly together. He looked at her face and saw pleasure as she moaned and whispered profanities. Her breasts bounced with each thrust, his own moans mixing with hers.

His eyes closed shut as he leaned his head back before looking back down and seeing her look up at him, her eyes glossy as she tried to focus on him. He could feel himself close to release and knew she was close too. He felt her cunt clenching around him as she moaned out for him.

“Cum with me, cum! Fuck! So tight!”

Once he said that she squeezed him deeper, taking him as he hit just the right spot for her. His thrusts slowed as he stilled, releasing inside her and filling her up. She cried out, her eyes rolling in the back of her head as she saw stars. Her cunt sucked him in as she felt him release deep inside, her own release happening along with his. He collapsed on top of her, slowly moving and riding out their highs. Their bodies were gasping for air, him not caring as he grabbed her face and brought her lips to his in a passionate kiss.

“Baby, that was way better than just some fantasy,” he said, chuckling to himself.

“Mmm, well you don’t need to fantasize anymore,” She said, kissing his lips. “You can come to me now.”

“Since you’re giving me permission, I’d like to take you every day, every night, every morning,” he said, kissing her lips and trailing more kisses down her neck. “I’m completely yours.”

“Thank you for being so patient with me,” she said.

“No, thank you for letting me love you. And I promise to love you and cherish you, like I said, I’m at your mercy.”

#kpop writers #kpop fanfic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #lee heeseung #heeseung #ive been wanting to write an obsessed simp heeseung #enjoy #not proofread #trying to get better at writing smut

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cosmiccardistry · 1 month ago

Text

Advice You Need To Hear Right Now

(Minors DNI + DNF!) Hello everyone, it's Cosmic or Card! Today, I'm doing a relatively simple, but needed tarot reading - one that pertains to, 'Advice You Need To Hear Right Now'! There are three colors to choose from: 'Pile One' will be blue, 'Pile Two' will be green, and 'Pile Three' will be red. When choosing a pile, look at the colors. Truly take them in. After that, shut your eyes. Breathe in and out until you feel calm - almost empty. Once you are relaxed, allow the color corresponding to the pile you're meant to engage with to appear within your mind. DISCLAIMER: I am a novice tarot reader. So, I do not intend for people to take my reads one hundred percent seriously! Also, this is a collective tarot reading. I am not reading your specific energy alone. As a result, it is unlikely that everything in your chosen pile will apply to you. Be discerning and use your own intuition! ⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

PILE ONE

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : I'll Try Anything Once - The Strokes, The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala, Borderline - Tame Impala, Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms, Canned Heat - Jamiroquai Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : "I fucking love Tame Impala, man - did you know that it's just one guy?", 555, banana, minions, bwah, rabbids First Four Cards From Deck #1 : Seven of Cups (Rx), King of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Ten of Wands (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : The Fool (Rx) (Clar. 7oC - Rx), The Sun (Clar. KoP), The Hermit (Rx) (Clar. 1oC), Nine of Wands (Clar. 10ofW - Rx) You really believe in something. You are deeply committed to whatever this "something" is. It could be a relationship, career, goal, idea, or something else entirely - however, what it is matters little. This commitment you are making is not as positive as you seem to believe it is. It is a negative situation pretending to be otherwise. The foundation you are currently focusing on - regarding this "something" you deeply believe in, despite all the red flags - is simply waiting to crumble. It's waiting to crumble because it's not meant for you. A good commitment, worthy of belief, does not make you feel extremely exhausted, or sap you of the passionate energy you wish to pour into something or someone. In fact, it is meant to do the opposite of all those things, Pile One. You have many options and opportunities, whether you see them or not. You could be putting your time and energy into many other and healthier things, but you don't... why? I think you understand, deep down, in all your wisdom, that you should commit yourself to things that make you truly happy - energies and opportunities that heal your heart, rather than break it further, but... you continue to ignore your inner wisdom. You ignore your inner wisdom in favor of continuing karmic cycle after karmic cycle with... whatever this commitment is. You might even become annoyed when the Divine tries to give you other, more emotionally fulfilling, opportunities in favor of pretending to be happy. The thing is, though, you could actually be happy! You would just have to do the work (which is easier said than done, I know - but still)! And there is an outright refusal to do the work, here - to heal the wounds that keep you in these karmic cycles. Your advice is to drop the swords - the defensiveness - against the help your spiritual team is trying to give you, Pile One. Not only that but drop the commitments that continuously hurt you in favor of... taking a leap toward happiness instead. Genuine happiness, I mean - not the kind of faux happiness you've convinced yourself you have, but the actual stuff! Head toward the future and away from the past, focus on healing yourself with the assistance of those around you (physical and/or spiritual), and you will achieve honest-to-God contentment. Thank you for reading, Pile One! And take care of yourself! :-) ⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

PILE TWO (TW)

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : Kiss Me, Son of God - They Might Be Giants, Rose Blood - Mazzy Star, Fade Into You - Mazzy Star, Video Games - Lana Del Rey Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : Election, death, pass away, "play stupid games, win stupid prizes", president, precedent First Four Cards From Deck #1 : Two of Swords (Rx), Eight of Wands (Rx), Page of Wands (Rx), Queen of Wands (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : Page of Pentacles (Clar. 2oS - Rx), Eight of Swords (Rx) (Clar. 8oW - Rx), Ten of Cups (Clar. PoW - Rx), The Moon (Clar. QoW - Rx) Pile Two, I am going to be as kind to you as possible. Namely, because it seems like you need that kindness right now. You've been going through a rough time lately... haven't you? I immediately started feeling sad when I began reading for you. I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Everything is going to be alright, no matter what happens next. You'll get through this. There is always an upside to every negative situation we face, even if that upside is hard to see in the heat of the moment. You might not know what to do with yourself. You might feel like you have no sense of direction, at the moment. You had all these plans and ideas, but... now - all of a sudden - they don't seem to matter. That being said, though, they do still matter. Your wants, hopes, and dreams will always be worth considering and fighting for - even if the world around you suggests otherwise. You are not meant to forgo your passions - not in this lifetime, not ever. Things might be moving slowly, but they are still moving nonetheless. You aren't trapped. Everything is not falling apart. You are not unmendable - and your life is not, either. The sadness and anxiety you feel are clouding your judgment right now. You have more opportunities for happiness than you, currently, think you do. For instance, you have many people who love you. They love you, whether they are around you physically or not. Don't push everyone away in favor of being alone. Embrace your loved ones - family, friend(s), romantic partner(s), pet(s), spiritual guides, ancestors - they want to be here for you in this trying, emotional time. Please, allow them to be. Get tarot cards for yourself, if you don't have them already - lean further into spirituality. Lean on the shoulders of the bright, unseen spiritual beings who love, guide, and protect you. On the other side of all this anguish, there is sunlight. There is justice and peace. There is victory and stability. Life is a constant cycle - you suffer the lows, so you can experience the highs again. I only ask that you prepare to see those highs, Pile Two. If we are not open to seeing the blessings as blessings, they pass us by without notice - prolonging our suffering. Consider noticing the small things—the little positives that make life worth living. It may be difficult to do, especially if you're dealing with mental illness, but it does make a difference. Not only that, but it becomes easier with time. You could also try twisting consistent, reoccurring, negative thoughts you have into positive ones! I know this seems like such a cop-out, but it does work! You will have negative thoughts no matter what; we all have them. Don't make it your job to force positivity onto every "bad thought" you have. I'm only suggesting that, if you notice a particular, negative thought process returning repeatedly, turn it on its head. It works and, again, it is something that gets easier to do with time. As a final bit of advice for you, Pile Two, get involved in something that will give its energy back to you. This could be a hobby. Anything. Involve yourself in something that brings you some semblance of happiness, is healthy, and lets you put your worries on the backburner for a while. Therapy could definitely be of use, too - if available to you! Oh, oh, and here are two lists of crisis prevention hotlines - if you need them: (x) (x) Aside from all that, I hope you feel better, Pile Two, and that you have a good one! :-) Thank you for reading!

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PILE THREE

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction, Just Dance - Lady Gaga, Spectronizer - Sentai Express, Sticky - Tyler, The Creator, Balloon - Tyler, The Creator Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : "I'm/You're insecure", Just Dance (the video game series), childhood, remember, internet, Justice (the clothing store), brick wall, things, thingies, trombone, trumpet, band, violin, orchestra, balloons, Animal Crossing First Four Cards From Deck #1 : King of Pentacles, Ace of Cups (Rx), Six of Cups, Nine of Cups (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : Queen of Pentacles (Rx) (Clar. KoP), Justice (Clar. AoC - Rx), Ace of Wands (Clar. 6oC), Knight of Cups (Rx) (Clar. 9oC - Rx) You may have been feeling incredibly stuck recently. Particularly when regarding your career, finances, and goals. Either that or you believe that gaining more stability - financial or otherwise - will keep you from becoming stuck. If your heart isn't involved in the process, though, that is unlikely to be true. I say this all the time, but follow what you are passionate about and stability will come after the fact. The last time you followed your heart, however, may be cemented in your mind as a negative experience. Whatever happened has caused you to internalize an immense amount of heartbreak. It could have been anything - a bad relationship, a terrible job, an abusive home life - it doesn't matter. You were taught not to follow your heart and intuition as a result of what happened regardless. You need to break free from the trauma and suffering you have dealt with in the past, Pile Three. It's holding you back and keeping you from the stability you long for. This, also, could have even been a wounding that occurred in childhood because I keep occasionally thinking of different things that remind me of my own childhood. Me thinking of my own childhood makes me also believe, that - maybe - you finding ways to connect to your inner child could be helpful, here. You may believe that avoiding others and their assistance is best for you, but it really isn't - not when it comes to healing, anyway. In fact, by avoiding others, being judgmental, and pushing kind people who only want to help away, you are screwing yourself over. You are clearly not content with the past, so - again - release it! Easier said than done, definitely, but it can be done, Pile Three. By releasing and moving forward toward the future with an open mind, things will become so much easier and you'll actually get what you want. Stuff will actually start moving in the present when you release opportunities and ideas from the past that weren't meant for you. You have a future to enjoy, and you have a current moment to thrive in - don't let the past take anything more from you. You have everything you need, currently, to lead a fulfilling life - even if it may not seem so. You simply need to inspect things differently, with a fresh set of eyes, and you will see that fact. It is difficult to flip your perspective so abruptly, so be kind to yourself while you're working through any negative thought processes you may have, or past traumas that still haunt you. Resilience and strength will be instrumental, at this time - if you do choose to put the work into healing what still pains you and holds you back. However, I do believe you have what it takes to heal, Pile Three! I genuinely do! I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I thank you for reading! :-)

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#free tarot #pick a pile #pick one #pac tarot #pick a card reading #tarot pick a card #november 2024 #spirituality #spiritual journey #tarot #tarot reading

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podiumackles · 3 months ago

Text

the moments that stay (they turn out all wrong)

In which the man she could never forget suddenly turns up at her cell, but he has no remembrance of the woman in front of him. And the moments that stayed with her for decades, turn out to be her memories only.

series masterlist

CHAPTER 3

A/N: English isn't my first language!! apologies in advance.

Outlines: After being his sidekick in Payback for years, you-better known as your supename Fury-ended up on the same end of Soldier Boy's violence as every other person. What you didn't realise, however, was that your old team had set you both up for betrayal, right when you thought you were helping them in getting him. After decades of being stuck in Vought's testing lab, you heard Soldier Boy got out. But the man who appeared in front of your cell wasn't the man you knew.

Warnings: swearing, descriptions of slight gore, mentions of blood, mentions of death, and possibly wrong storytelling in lines of the canon events. I'm not that good at remembering, guys. and the boys was just kinda complicated. forgive me.

Present

Getting out of your cell was easier than expected. The hard part was getting out of the facility alive; about twenty minutes into the escape, alarm bells rang out like a symphony of dread, filling the cold, sterile corridors. It wasn’t surprising, really—Vought’s security wasn’t going to let you walk out unharmed. Still, for the first time in decades, your wrists were free from the biting restraints, and adrenaline surged through your veins.

You ran alongside Butcher, who seemed to have an uncanny knack for navigating the labyrinthine facility. His movements were sharp and purposeful. It was clear he had done his homework on this place, even if Vought’s playbook was constantly evolving. Soldier Boy was ahead, his broad shoulders cutting a path through the narrow hallways like a battering ram.

“Thought you said you had this under control!” you shouted over the wail of the alarms, your voice rusty but gaining strength.

Butcher smirked, barely winded. “Oh, this? Bit of noise never hurt nobody.”

Ben shot a glance back at the two of you, his shield gripped tightly in one hand, his jaw clenched. He looked as though he was barely holding himself together—rage simmering just beneath the surface. You couldn’t blame him. Whatever memories Vought had buried inside him, they still left scars. And now, the sound of blaring alarms running through his ears, must trigger his fight or flight response. There was no doubt about it.

“We need to hit the control room,” Butcher said, his voice urgent now. “Shut down the security before they send the big guns.”

You and Soldier Boy exchanged a glance. His eyes still carried that haunting vacancy, but a flicker of something else—recognition, maybe—crossed his face. He jerked his head forward, signalling for you to keep moving. Old habits died hard. Even after everything, he still acted like a leader.

The trio turned a sharp corner just as a squad of Vought soldiers appeared at the other end of the corridor. You didn’t hesitate. Throwing yourself to the floor, you slid behind a row of metal crates, while Soldier Boy charged forward like a freight train. His shield crashed against the soldiers, sending them flying, their weapons useless against his brute force and super healing.

Butcher stayed low, pulling a gun from his coat and taking a few well-placed shots, neutralizing the ones that hadn’t already been knocked out cold by Ben. The man moved with ruthless precision, not a shred of hesitation in his actions. You wondered how many people like you and Ben he’d already dealt with, how much he’d seen. But that was a question for later. For now, survival was your only priority.

“Clear,” Butcher muttered, nodding for you to get up.

“We won’t have much time,” you said, still catching your breath. The alarms were one thing, but Vought had been keeping an eye on every single corner of the facility with the carefully hidden cameras around the building.

“Yeah, no fucking shit,” Ben muttered, shaking off some dust mixed with blood from his shield as if this were a regular Tuesday for him. “Where’s this control room?”

You pointed ahead. “Up two floors. We take the stairs—elevator’s a death trap.”

Your mind was racing with thoughts of escape. But there was another gnawing question you couldn’t shake: Why were they here, really? Why you?

As the three of you burst through the stairwell door and ascended the steps, your legs burning with the effort, you felt the weight of the years clawing at you. Your muscles were stiff, your body weak from disuse, but the rage—the fury—inside you was enough to keep you moving. You were sick of being someone else’s pawn.

Suddenly, Ben stopped at a landing, holding out his arm. You froze, instinctively falling back into soldier mode. “What is it?” you whispered.

“Listen.”

You strained your ears, and sure enough, your superhearing enhanced the heavy clank of footsteps echoing from above. A lot of footsteps.

“They’re sending the backup troops,” You muttered. “They think we’re trapped.”

Butcher grinned, something dark and predatory in his eyes. “Let ‘em come. They don’t know what’s comin’ for ‘em.”

You tightened your fists, feeling the heat of your powers surging just beneath your skin. It hurt, just the slightest. It had been so long since you had the chance to use them—so long since you’d felt anything beyond the dull ache of confinement.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Butcher asked, glancing at you with an eyebrow raised.

You looked him dead in the eye, trying to hide your hesitation. “Always am.”

The first wave of guards came pouring down the stairs, fully armed, faces masked. Without hesitation, Ben launched himself into the fray, shield gleaming as it smashed into the front line. Butcher followed, a pistol in one hand and a combat knife in the other, carving through the chaos.

You stood back for a moment, feeling the pulsing heat build in your hands, until finally, with a sharp exhale, you unleashed it. Energy—wild, untamed wind—exploded from your palms, sending the next wave of soldiers crashing back into the walls. The surge felt powerful, like shaking off the chains that had weighed you down for years.

But most of all, it was stronger than it ever had been. The most powerful you had ever felt. And you barely dared to admit that it scared you.

Ben glanced back, eyes wide for the briefest of moments when he looked at you before he returned to dispatching the remaining guards.

“Not bad,” Butcher commented, smirking through the chaos. Though an unfamiliar look crossed his eyes.

Once the stairwell was clear, the three of you sprinted up the last flight of steps and into the corridor leading to the control room. You could hear more guards closing in behind you, but the door ahead was just within reach. With a mighty kick, Soldier Boy knocked it open, and the three of you burst into the room, slamming the door shut behind you.

Two of Vought’s employees shot around in their chairs, a look of horror flashed on their innocent faces right before Soldier Boy lifted his shield, moved it at the height of their necks and-

Two heads rolled over de floor.

The air was thick with tension, punctuated by the shrill wails of the alarms still echoing through the facility. The walls were lined with glowing monitors, displaying a maze of surveillance footage, flashing red warnings, and floor plans. This was the heart of Vought’s operations.

Butcher wasted no time, moving swiftly to one of the terminals. He began typing with a speed and confidence that suggested this wasn't his first time hacking into a heavily fortified system. Meanwhile, Ben paced near the door, shield in hand, his eyes darting between you and the hallway as if expecting another wave of soldiers any second.

You, however, stood frozen for a moment, taking in the room—the remembrance of decades of torment, experimentation, and manipulation. You thought you’d feel more relief standing here, so close to freedom, but instead, an overwhelming uncertainty bubbled just beneath your skin.

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are you gonna help?” Butcher barked, not even looking up from the terminal. His fingers flew across the keyboard as he tried to override the system’s security protocols.

You snapped out of your daze and approached another terminal, feeling the heat of your powers still crackling under your skin. And it still hurt.

Before you could respond, Soldier Boy's sharp voice cut through the air. "We've got company."

The door behind him shook under the pressure of a battering ram. Heavy footsteps echoed down the corridor as more of Vought’s enforcers gathered outside, their numbers growing by the second.

“Of course we bloody do,” Butcher muttered, his eyes never leaving the screen. “We’re almost through—just a bit more time.”

You clenched your fists, the air around you shimmering with energy that was so unfamiliar, it sent a shiver down your spine. "We don't have time, Butcher. I can feel them—they’re coming fast."

Ben squared his shoulders, stepping forward to brace the door. The rage that always seemed to simmer beneath his surface was now boiling over. He was done waiting, done being manipulated. “Let them come,” he growled, his shield raised, ready to take on whatever came through that door.

Butcher glanced at you, something like hesitation flickering in his eyes. It was a look you didn’t yet know he could have. “You’ve got a plan, love? ‘Cause if we don’t shut this down now, Vought’ll be all over us.”

The door rattled violently as Vought’s forces hammered against it, each thud reverberating through the control room.

"Me, a plan?" you spat ever so lightly, mild accusation in your tone. "You were the ones that needed me out!"

But Butcher didn't respond. Neither did Ben, for that matter.

Time was running out, and the tension was as thick as the adrenaline coursing through your veins. You focused, taking in the situation: Butcher was close to breaking the system, Ben was ready to stand his ground, and you—well, you weren’t the same person who had been shackled in that cell for decades. You had something new simmering inside, something dangerous. And you could feel it in every single piece of your body.

Your powers crackled just beneath the surface, stronger than you had ever remembered. The years of confinement, of being forced into silence, had built a storm within you, and you were ready to let it loose. But you knew this wasn’t you. This had never been you.

Ben stood firm by the door, his broad shoulders braced against the inevitable. His eyes flicked toward you, still cold, still distant. He was ready to fight, but this was a fight you had never been in before. A complete stranger, and a man who couldn’t even remember you, stood by you. And you had no idea if you could rely on them.

Butcher’s voice broke through your thoughts. “We’re in!” he called, finally cracking the security system. “But they’ve got some heavy-duty encryption on this place. It’ll take a few more minutes to wipe the files and shut down the alarms.”

You glanced at Ben. He was steady, but he couldn’t hold off a full squad alone. And your powers—they felt unpredictable. But you didn’t have a choice. Vought was coming, and this was your only chance.

The door shuddered again, and you could hear the muffled voices of the soldiers outside, preparing for a final push. You turned to Butcher. “You’d better hurry. We don’t have minutes.”

He looked at you, his jaw clenched, but nodded. “Just keep them off me, yeah? I don’t fancy getting me head blown off ‘cause you got distracted.”

Asshole.

With a deep breath, you stepped forward, joining Ben at the door. “You got an idea?” you asked, voice low.

Ben shot you a glance, his grip tightening on his shield. “You think I haven’t done this a thousand times? Just stay out of my fucking way.”

You didn’t respond. There was no point. Whatever bond the two of you once had was long gone, buried beneath the years of torture and manipulation. But that didn’t matter now. What mattered was getting through this.

The door burst open, and Vought’s soldiers flooded in. Ben moved like a force of nature, his shield slamming into the first soldier with a sickening crunch. He was fast, brutal, and efficient—every movement a practised execution of raw power. But there were too many.

You felt the heat rise in your palms, the energy building, and it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before. It used to be a sweet touch of weather, the comforting droplets of rain. But this was different.

It neared a breaking point. Both your power and your well-being. At its maximum power, you lost control. And with a sharp exhale, you unleashed it. The energy exploded from you in a blinding wave, tearing through the room like wildfire. The soldiers were thrown back, their bodies crashing into the walls with bone-shattering force. Bolts of lightning crackled between the men, ensuring death upon impact.

Even Ben was forced to brace himself against the onslaught, his shield raised in defence. He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, barely having evaded your attack from reaching him. But he didn’t say anything.

You were out of control. And there was no way you could contain this power any longer. Fuck, you weren't even sure what was going on. You weren't even sure if you were conscious.

When the dust settled, the room was eerily quiet. The soldiers lay scattered, unconscious or worse, and the air was thick with the smell of burnt metal and ozone. You fell to the floor, breathing heavily, your hands still crackling with residual power. For a moment, you didn’t feel anything—just numbness.

Then Butcher’s voice cut through the silence. “Well, that was bloody brilliant,” he muttered, stepping back from the terminal. “Shut down the whole damn system. Alarms are off, security’s locked out. We’re good to go.”

You turned to face him, your body still trembling from the power you barely remembered releasing. “It’s done?”

Butcher nodded, a grim smile on his face. “Yeah, love. It’s done. Now we get the hell out of here.”

Ben lowered his shield, his face unreadable as he looked at you. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was a glimmer of something other than cold indifference in his eyes. Maybe he remembered something. Maybe it was fear.

You didn't care.

You spoke up once more, this time directing your gaze towards Ben, who held a seemingly shocked frown. “What on earth happened?”

Soldiers scattered in the hallway, remains of them smashed against the bloodied wall.

Soldier Boy didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at Butcher, who knowingly glanced back at the supe.

All you could do was look around at the aftermath of whatever had happened to you.

And what feared you the most, was the fact you could only vaguely remember what the answer to it was.

A/N: as always, feedback is appreciated! let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

thanks for reading! <3

taglist: @demodemo909 @deangirl96 @mostlymarvelgirl @n-o-p-e-never

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #jensen ackles #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fic #soldier boy fanfiction #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #soldier boy smut #the boys #the boys tv

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