#teacup ham!

[theperrylleluniverse]

Spiritual successor to the this post

[hamham-moments]

[mydearlybeloathed]

── 𝐖𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you're less than pleased to be marrying the arrogant noble your parents arranged for you. On the day of your wedding, you cross paths with a pirate who seems keen on ruining your big day, and you couldn't be more thrilled.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: luffy x fem!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 8k

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: minor alabasta spoilers, arranged marriage, I kind of went ham on the descriptions and readers backstory in general, violence, mother issues

𝐚/𝐧: *arises from where i fell off the face of the earth and throws down an offering* greetings.

𝐎𝐏 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

“Respectfully…” You took a moment to compose yourself, sipping from your teacup and raising your eyes to settle on your soon-to-be husband. “You are the scum of the earth, Mr. Toleson.”

Mr. Toleson, quite used to this, only rolled his eyes and moved to pour you more tea. “Pray tell me what I have done to receive such contempt, Miss?”

That question could not easily be answered. Did your contempt stem from your lack of choice, or from Mr. Toleson’s less than agreeable disposition? Or perhaps from society’s overall decision that whatever may happen, you should sit still and be merry. Who cares if your marriage is loveless and your life unfulfilled?

You dropped another sugar cube in your tea and stirred it around. Maybe it was everything all at once. And Mr. Toleson’s… superiority in age didn’t help matters either. The rickety man just reached his late fifties, his hair reaching a color not yet gray, but most definitely not the brown of his youth. You’d seen pictures. He was a handsome boy twenty years ago, when you were but a lemon-shaped babe in the womb.

“I had plans,” you answer at last. “Plans that do not include you.”

His eyes twinkled like the idea was preposterous, his mustaches curling with his lips. Mr. Toleson gazed at you like a child, only discomforting you even further about the idea of sharing a marriage bed. “What plans, Miss?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you snapped back. “I’m going to be chained to you all my life. Even after you die, which I assume will be soon given the state of you, I’ll be forced into widowhood. I look awful in black, you know, and pretending to grieve would do nothing for my mental state—oh, where are you going?”

Mr. Toleson had thrown down his napkin, face hot and brows screwed together. He peered down his nose at your poor attempt at hiding a smile. “When you’re my wife,” he said, tone even and dark, gaze even more so. “You’ll do well to learn manners, Miss.”

There was a threat in there somewhere, for certain, and you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a response. Mr. Toleson huffed out his too-small nose and spun on his heel, barking at a poor attendant to fix the table’s preposterous flower arrangement.

You gave the young boy a sorry look and stood to leave when a sharp voice filtered in from the next room. 

“Mr. Toleson! Where are you going—?” Your mother’s shrill tone cut short, a growl of your name soon to follow.

“Shit.” You whirled on the attendant boy with a pointed finger. He froze, eyes wide as several petals fell loose onto the table. “Please,” you hissed, pressing your palms together. “Ypu must help me.”

The boy dropped the flowers back into the vase, splashing a bit of water. With a single nod, he beelined for the window, unlatching it and swinging it open. You rushed over, his hands pushing you outside. “This is the only way out, my lady.”

“I’ll fall—wait!” You were swinging your legs over the sill before you realized what you were doing. Heart pattering in your chest, you cast him a look, but he was already shutting the window and drawing the curtains behind you. “Oh, dear.”

Down below, about twenty feet down and beyond the hedged yard, were the streets of the city, carts pulled by mules and passersby tracking dirt and mud and other materials across the dirt roads. You glanced around the outer wall of Mr. Toleson’s house. A trellis ran down the side just one window away, which you could use to climb down to then jump into the hedges. Stealing a breath, you began to inch along the window sill, setting a delicate foot on the wide declarative trim running from each window to the next. When it didn’t crumble beneath your foot, you went on, barely breathing as you clung flush to the wall.

Reaching the window, precariously making a step up to the next sill, you nearly tipped backward when you caught your mother’s back through the window. Feet slipping, you scurried down the trellis, losing your grip every few seconds and clinging to the wall. Eventually, you touched the earth, dusting off your dress as you faced the garden wall. Ivy ran all along it, but you’d done enough exploring whilst avoiding Mr. Toleson’s advances to know that a gate hid behind the green. It led right into a damp, drippy alleyway. You cringed down at your custom-made shoes, costing a fortune for certain. Sacrifices had to be made, and today, your shoes paid the price. 

Your wedding was a day away, and with it the end of your happiness. Not that anyone cared about your happiness those days. Expelling a sigh, you wandered the streets till nightfall, returning to the grand house in the dead of night.

Your mother paced the entry hall when you stepped inside, the tall door booming shut behind you. Her eyes were on you like a hawk, her words sharp knives. “Where have you been?”

“Uptown,” you drawled, tossing your now dirtied shoes across the carpet. “Downtown. Midtown. Where haven’t I been is the real question.”

She looked close to exploding, cheeks inflated and lips pinched together. “You embarrassed me—You embarrassed Mr. Toleson!”

Waving an absent hand, “I couldn’t care less, woman. Now let me be before I drop dead of melancholy.”

A stiff utterance of your name struck the air, the impact on your back fleeting as you swept upstairs. Again and again, she cried your name till it sounded more like a beg than an order, and it halfway made you desire to face her. But facing your mother and having her see you had long been a futile task. 

Her voice struck your back until you reached the top of the stairs and darted down the hall, whipping open your bedroom door and slamming it back behind you. Swiftly locking it, you clawed at your chest, skin constricting and choking you out. That woman… your mother could never understand.

Once, you hoped maybe she could. Your oldest servant, a frail woman who’d been serving your mother for a decade, told you that your mother went through the same unfortunate situation as you. She walked an aisle leading to shackles, just as you would at tomorrow’s soon-coming dusk. But time had turned that woman cold, making her hellbent on sentencing you to the same fate.

Eyes scanning the room, you gave a shaken sigh. Tomorrow you would be forced into a similar room, but that one you would share with Mr. Toleson. Your skin crawled. “At least he only wants my money. He cares for nothing else.”

You slipped into bed, unsure of the next good sleep you’d receive.

જ ⁀ ➴

Up with the sun, you dressed quickly and slipped out of the house, careful not to make a sound as you exited onto the street. There was ample time between sunrise and the ceremony, each second passing with a daunting swiftness. Soon, the morning bells rang throughout the city, signaling that noon had fallen. 

You stared up at the sky as the chimes fell silent, chest constricting. This walk around the city had done nothing to quell your distress. In anything, it made it worse; people on the street beamed and congratulated you on sight, offering you flowers and well-wishes. You received them all with practiced kindness, even as doom lurked behind you.

“Just a few more hours,” you mumbled, taking refuge in a damp alley. “I can visit the old pond… perhaps the frogs will be out.”

Nodding, you slipped back out with a ducked chin, walking quickly through the crowds until so little as three people were around and the the stone streets faded into soft dirt paths underfoot. Through sparse trees and lonely wood, you made your way to the duckpond on the outskirts of the city. Not a soul around; perfect.

You plopped yourself on the ground and hugged your knees to your chest, oblivious to the dust curling around you. Maybe, if you stayed right there all day, no one would find you. You could sit through the whole ceremony—through the whole year, till weeds crawled up your limbs and rocks were surfaced by the winds. You’d become part of this pond when the rain fills it beyond the banks, dissolving into an urban legend of what happens to heartbroken young women.

You smiled for the first time in many weeks. That fate sounded as lovely as anything.

The reverie broke as voices crept up behind you. Peeking over your shoulder, you spotted two entities: the first being the constable, and the second farther behind him. This group of people was more like a gaggle, or perhaps a rabble, their boisterous tones causing the constable to cast them a glare.

You jumped to your feet before he could face forward again and darted toward to big oak tree you used to climb in your youth, skidding to a halt right behind it. The constable was good friends with your fiance and would surely escort you back home the instant he saw you. 

“Are you sure we can fish here?”

“I’m sure no one’s told us we can’t.”

“Sanji!”

One of the voices, presumably the one called Sanji, laughed in reply while their counterpart grumbled under their breath. Part of you felt the need to jump out and warn them against it, because surely the constable would be quick to apprehend them. But then he would also surely apprehend you.

“Sirs,” the gruff voice of the constable barked, right on cue. “Fishing in this pond is strictly prohibited. It’s for viewing only by law.”

The one called Sanji clicked his tongue. “Is there some sort of sign we missed? Because there’s no warning stopping us.”

Oh, dear. “I’m here to stop you. Now please, put away your tack and gear.” There were a few indignant huffs, but no rustling of a confrontation. Good, good… 

“Right. Now, have either of you gentlemen spotted a young woman about?” The constable proceeded to give your exact description, spiking a panic within you. The search party had already begun. “No? Drat. Perhaps I’m at the wrong pond… Good day to you…”

You remained behind the tree for five long minutes, listening to the constable’s steps fade away and the conversation between the two men go on. Peeking out, you saw a tall skinny blond and a man with dark skin at the pond’s edge, fishing of all things.

Puffing your cheeks, you stepped out with crossed arms. “He told you it's not allowed!”

Their heads swiveled around, eyes wide and startled. The blond was the first to recover, his hold on the fishing rod slackening as an easy smile slid across his face. “My, my, what kind of nymph are you?”

Your cheeks warmed as his eyes scanned you up and down. “The angry kind.”

The other man quirked a brow, quicker than the other. “Was that guy looking for you?”

Alarms went off in your mind. “Never mind that, just don’t fish in my pond.”

“Whatever you say~”

“Sanji!” 

Satisfied, you trudged off, letting their bickering be drowned out gradually. With the knowledge that the whole city now knew to look out for you, probably thinking the aloof noble girl just lost track of time, you took the long way around, slinking through dirty alcoves you once called your kingdom some years ago. 

This whole city was your empire, in your mind. You and the other young girls and boys traipsed about without a care, creating your own world only the lot of you could see. You, of course, were high empress of all alleyways.

Growing up like this meant your mighty empire was toppled. All your old friends had new lives now, time ticking by with mundane tasks and masks to keep up. Many of them would attend your wedding,  but they might as well be strangers now. Such was the way of your city. You get old and you lose your life. 

A subtle burn welled up behind your eyes as you rounded a dark corner and found the old crates you’d formed into a palace, untouched and frozen in time as the curling alleys of the city grew dusty from neglect. You stopped short at the sight, quickly snapping back to reality and darting away, running as fast as you could to get away. Left and right, you were reminded of how expansive these alleys really were, and how easy it was to get lost in them.

Not that you would ever get lost; you’d cling to your memories as long as possible. You knew this place like the back of your hand, so it was a surprise when instead of a dead end, you turned to find a long alley leading out to the market. The scent of the baker’s stall and sweet rolls being sold wafted down to you, providing a momentary calm—before that laugh broke it all down.

Creeping back around the corner, you waited for the laugh to stop, peering around to find that you weren’t alone. Near the mouth of the alley, a boy stood clutching his chest, laughter fading even as he glanced out onto the street. For just three whole seconds, you swore he was something out of a novel.

Pretty face  scarred on one side, but it didn’t make him any less to look at. Hair windswept despite the stillness, clothes ratty in some places and newly stitched up in others. Whoever he was, you’d never seen him before, so where exactly did he come from?

“Hey.” You blinked widely, realizing quite too late that you’d been caught. Locked in severe eye contact, you ever so slowly retreated back around the corner, flattening yourself against the wall. Maybe if you didn’t breathe, he’d think he hallucinated and walk away.

“Hey,” that boy said again, closer now. “What’re you doing?”

You didn’t make a sound, flush against the wall as if trying to disappear even when his face appeared in your peripheral. He blinked, waiting for you to do something. “Why’re you being so weird?”

“I, well…” You glanced around, anywhere but his face. “I was taking a walk.” You tensed up, held your breath, and blurted, “I don’t talk to strangers!”

You stared hard at the ground, hoping that he’d think you were crazy and walk away, but then the boy laughed at you. Gasping softly, you raised your head and gazed at him softly, lips parted slightly. Nobody had ever laughed at you before, at least not to your face like this boy, heaving as his chuckles faded. 

“You’re talking to me anyway.” He had you there. His eyes glinted despite the sun being obscured by the tall buildings. 

“I…”

He thrust out his hand suddenly. “I’m Luffy.” His hand, his face. His hand, his face. Your eyes darted back and forth until you finally settled on his hand. Dirty, that was the first thing you noticed, and then the callouses. You’d only seen hands like that on a sailor. 

You blinked back up at his face, locking in on his eyes. Sailors weren’t to be trusted. They took young girls’ hearts, along with something more personal, and set back off to sea. That’s what your mother said, but you had a feeling your mother had never seen someone like Luffy before. You’d never seen anyone like Luffy, so bright he could’ve been the sun itself. You took his hand quickly, shaking it firmly, and introduced yourself. 

Luffy chuckled. “Now I’m not a stranger.”

You couldn’t help but crack a grin. “I suppose not. Do you sail?”

“How’d you know?” Luffy tilted his head, leaning back on his heels, and you forgot how to speak. Luffy wasn’t too bad to look at. He was unlike any of the handsome boys you’d seen in court, sure, but that didn’t matter. Perhaps it endeared you more. Luffy, whoever he was, was different from everything you knew.

“You hands, I suppose. They’re like a sailors’.”

His laugh was odd, like a shi-shi-shi sound, prompting a stifled snort out of you as well. “Yep! I’m a pirate!”

Instantly, your whole face dropped, frozen in place. “Oh… that’s… something.”

Pirates were very different from regular sailors. They stole and pillaged and plundered and did many other terrible deeds. Your great-grandfather had been killed by a pirate… but you’d never known him. It’s all hearsay. Besides, Luffy didn’t look like he would ever think of maiming you. He looked like your next good friend, even if just for now. 

“Your crew is here, then?” you asked, moving to sit atop a set of crates along the wall. Luffy jumped as he followed, plopping in the dirt in front of you instead. 

“Mhmm. They’re… somewhere.” He snickered. “We just left Alabasta, y’know.”

You leaned forward to gawk at him. “So you saw what happened? With Crocodile? It was crazy.”

Again with that strange laugh of his. “Yep. I’m the one who beat his ass into the ground!”

“You—huh?” Tilting your head, his smile infected you, tugging at your lips. “So, you’re the savior of Alabasta? Not that marine?”

You sat in awe as he told you everything, going so far back that you learned exactly how he met Princess Vivi. By the end of an hour, you were on the edge of your seat, knees snug against your chest as Luffy described it all in grand detail. 

“Wow… that sounds amazing. Not the part where you nearly drowned in sand, but you know.” Resting your chin on your knees, “You must feel so… free out there.”

Luffy nodded quickly, eyes unfocused for a moment, staring at the unseen. “Yeah. It’s amazing.”

Your smile grew dim and melancholy. The bells of evening rang in the distance. “Thank you for telling me your story, Luffy. You didn’t have to do that.”

He shrugged one shoulder, his expression one you could only call cute. “You wanted to know… what’re you so sad for?”

You hummed, startled. “I’m not sad.”

“Are too,” he said, eyes narrowed. “So what is it?”

For some time, you didn’t say another word. Luffy stood now, hands planted on either side of yours knees as he stared right at you. It wasn’t threatening or seductive, simply curious in a way you’d never witnessed. Like he truly wanted to know. And so, you told him.

“I’m getting married. Today.” You shut your eyes and grimaced. “And I don’t want to, but I have no choice.”

“So… don’t?”

You reeled back. “Did you not hear me? I have to.” Luffy only tilted his head as you scoffed at the sky. “My only choice is to comply with the path set before me. If I stray too far… I can’t stray too far.”

You hardly realized how angry you’d gotten till Luffy’s finger poked at your forehead once, twice, three times. You blinked slowly. “What?”

“I don’t really get it,” he said. “But you seem pretty sure.” He was right in your face, oblivious to the fluster rising in your face. And then he smiled a beaming smile. “Hey, why don’t you—”

“There you are!” A coil formed in the pit of your stomach, eyes slowly drifting to the mouth of the alley. The constable stalked toward you looking as relieved as he was pissed off. “Your mother’s been sending everyone out for you, miss. Have you lost your mind?”

“Sorry, sir,” you mumbled, ignoring how Luffy stared at you all perplexed-like. “I’ll… I was looking for some flowers for the parlor. Didn’t find a patch in bloom. I’ll head back now.”

The constable stepped forth, not yet noticing Luffy. He began to loom over you, and only when Luffy inched closer to your side did the constable’s gaze flicker to him. Disgust was the only word to describe how the constable looked at Luffy. “Let me escort you home, miss. Wouldn’t want you to lose your way again.”

You looked between the two of them nervously. “Of course, sir.” You stood from the crate and moved to follow the constable, hoping beyond hope Luffy would forget the entire ordeal, for his sake. The constable was going to forget all about your new friend, if only Luffy stayed quiet.

“Hey.” You tightened every muscle in your body. “Who’s she marrying anyway?”

The constable jerked to a stop, his deepset brow furrowing.

“Only the most powerful man around,” the constable replied very carefully, very calculated. He sized the boy up. “She’s very lucky to be marrying Mr. Toleson.”

“Let’s go, sir,” you insisted, daring to hook your arm through the constable’s and nearly drag him away. He dug his feet in. “Introduce me to your friend, miss.”

“He’s—he’s not my friend,” you blurted, eyes glued to the ground. “Sir, let us go. I’ve made us late enough. I have to prepare—”

Luffy took a daring step forward. “You shouldn’t have to marry someone if you don’t want to.”

The constable gritted is teeth, hand closing around your arm. “What would you know about what she wants?”

“Let’s go—”

“She doesn’t like this Tole guy,” Luffy persisted. Your eyes pleaded with him, but he wasn’t looking at you, sight set on the tall man beside you. “So she shouldn’t marry him. Tole-y can find someone who actually likes him if he’s so desperate—”

“Shut. Up.” Dangerous. Your tone was dangerous, wide glare moreso. Luffy silently eyed you, looking right through to your soul. “Goodbye. We have to go. Places to be. Come, Constable.”

Halfway turned, the constable kept one eye on your friend, feet slowly following after you—when Luffy reached out, grabbed your shoulder, and tried to tug you to his side. You whipped around to smack him, but your palm swiped at air. 

Luffy stood five feet back, his arm stretched beyond comprehension and latched onto your shoulder.

“What the…” Head foggy, you barely registered the click of a gun till it rose in your peripheral. Everything went by far too quickly, and suddenly you stared down the head of the constable’s pistol, gasping like you hadn’t a clue how you’d got there. 

“Get out of here, Luffy,” you ordered, not taking your stare off the constable. “I won’t say it again.”

He was gone when you finally chanced a look over your shoulder. The constable swiftly took your arm in a vice and led you onto the street, holstering his gun and muttering, “Street rats have no place here.”

“Sea dog,” you corrected absently, quite out of your own head. “He’s a pirate, so, sea dog.”

As if that would cease his endless muttering.

You were shut inside your house and shuffled away to a sunny parlor, tended to by maids you’d known since birth, their chattering unable to draw you out of your stupor as they powdered your face and tightened a corset round your waist till the room started spinning. 

Meanwhile, a pirate boy returned to his friends, not sparing their newly caught fish a second glance as he asked Robin if she’d heard anything about a wedding in the city. The archeologist grinned as if she knew precisely what had transpired in that alley, though she couldn’t possibly have.

At any rate, the notorious Straw Hat pirates now prepared to act on their captain’s whim, not one of them questioning when he said his “new friend” was in trouble.

જ ⁀ ➴

The carriage ride to the chapel was so you bumpy you were half convinced the driver did it on purpose. You sat wobbling from side to side, eyes glazed over, and you let your mind drift away—you became a specter, wandering blindly till you blinked, and you stood in a sunny side-room, waiting to be fetched for the altar.

Your arms like gooseskin, you peered into a spotless mirror despondently. Your hair was done up prettily, face caked in different powders and creams. The sickening scent of rose perfume surrounded on all sides. The dress fit nicely, not too tight, not too loose. Perfect. Not a thing was out of place.

It all set in at once; by the end of the hour you’d be Mrs. Toleman. Your mother would receive all the benefits, all the praise. She’d smile and really mean it. Your husband would be free from bankruptcy, your family’s massive inheritance given to him the moment you say, “I do.” You’d stand on his arm the rest of his life, the perfect ornament, so quiet and dull. 

An older woman fussed over the tears dotting your lashes, roughly swatting them away with her handkerchief, chastising you for such childishness. 

“If my daughter were in your position,” she said after nearly gauging your eye. “She’d be ecstatic.”

You gazed quite darkly. “Your daughter was in my position,” you whispered, causing her to freeze putting away her handkerchief. “I’m sure you recall her escaping to the circus very clearly.”

A sharp gasp. A drawn hand. Your mother stepped into the room, flustered beyond compare, and the maid resigned to fume quietly. You wished she would slap you. Perhaps the strike would redden your face so much that the whole thing was called off. 

“Well,” your mother exasperated, eyes raking down your form. “I hope you’re ready. Look pleasant.”

She weaved an arm through yours as a bouquet of lilies was shoved in your hands. A sneeze crawled up your nose and died as you held your breath, for the next moment you faced two long and full rows of people you’d never met and would never see again. 

Despite the petals and music and lovely weather, it felt very much like a funeral march. The empty faces of the guests chilled you to the bone, not one of them sparing even a grin. A few checked their watches. One boy tugged on a young girl’s pigtail, and the girl was swatted for disturbing the peace. A ginger girl fought with a green-haired male in one of the farther pews. Against the far wall a blonde caterer absently smoked a cigarette. Somewhere, a bird sounded like it was dying, crooning a sad song.

This damn city. These damn people. You’d die here, physically, spiritually, and mentally so. White hot panic welled up within you, but it was far too late to even think of darting for the door; you stood before your groom, gazing blankly into his chest.

You felt as if you were dying, a life so short flashing before your eyes as your hands were taken into the clammy grasp of Mr. Toleson. He wore no smile, no warmth upon his face. Only cold indifference. You hoped you looked the same, lest he spy your terror. 

The officiator droaned on meaningless words, warbled by your dazed mind. Only when your hands were squeezed harshly did you refocus, blinking widely.

Clearing his throat, the officiator shuffled uncomfortably. “Do you take this man to be your husband?”

Were you at this bit already? Heart thundering, you didn’t dare to look at Mr. Toleson, panicked gaze flickering to the now bated audience. Every eye stared at you, boring into you fiercely, only worsening your condition. 

“I…”

Mr. Toleson gripped you tightly, painfully. He gritted out just for you to hear, “You what? We haven’t got all day…”

“I–I…” A gulping breath. A flash of red ribbon and straw. Cutting your eyes across the room, you settled on a boy near the back of the pews, a grin emblazoned on his face. He caught your eye and held it fast. You hardly believed your eyes, yet understood in an instant.

“Miss,” said the officiator.

Luffy tilted his head, as if asking are we doing this? You chanced a flicker of a smile. 

You ripped your hands from Mr. Toleson’s sweaty grip, eyes wide and childish smile inching across your face as the room filled with sharp gasps. Gaze flickering up to Mr. Toleson’s aghast expression, you lurched back three, four, five steps till your heel met the edge of the raised platform. As you slipped to the floor a hand settled on the small of your back. The caterer planted his feet beside you, face grim as he gritted down on his cigarette. 

“Are you alright?” he muttered. You gave a quick nod.

The point of no return had come, and you’d taken the path once blocked by a landslide, the path you’d dismissed entirely just an hour ago. Your mother gasped your name, a hissed out word, drawing your gaze quickly. She was deathly pale, like she was about to be sick. No sympathy of yours rose to meet her, none at all, and the freedom of two words boomed from your chest. 

”I don’t!”

Silence. You heaved in a breath of air, and no one said a word. Like time had stood still. A litheful, frightening laugh ripped through the church and everything sped up all at once.

“Why… you…” Mr. Toleson’s face rivaled the ripest of tomatoes. He hadn’t so much as taken a step when the caterer whirled around and kicked him right in the chest. He blew his hair out of his face and stomped out his cigarette, looking like he’d done this twelve hundred times before. You started to think he wasn’t a caterer at all. 

“I’ve seen you before,” you thought aloud. Chaos erupted all around, guests rising from their chairs in a panic, and you just couldn’t put your finger on it. “Oh! You were at the pond!”

Sanji, that was his name. He dodged a punch from one of the quicker, bolder groomsmen, an easy smile on his face. He faced you with his hands shoved in his pockets. “That’s your priority, love?”

You flushed, whether from the tease or endearment, you didn’t know. “Well—”

“You!” your mother’s shrill voice cut the air. You turned just in time to catch her pouncing at you, her hand clawing for your arm. Her nails barely got close to scratching you when a hand branched out of her chest and drove her back by a vice around her neck. Somebody screamed as guests began a mad rush to escape the inevitable fight; everyone had the same guess—pirates.

You’d never been so happy, even with the disembodied hand issue.

Mr. Toleson rose to his feet, nursing his chest, his eyes aflame. He whirled on the groomsmen. “Don’t just stand there!”

Just like that they broke out of their daze. Not just the groomsmen; the constable shook himself out of his shock as several other burly men of the town rallied together.

You inched backward as dozens of eyes settled on you, heart quickening, when out of nowhere that ginger girl from before rushed up with a bow staff and gave several groomsmen severe head trauma. The green haired man drew out three swords. That other man from the pond jumped over a pew, a slingshot in hand. And a tall, graceful woman stared down your petrified mother. 

Only those willing to put up a fight were left, leaving only the rougher men of the town and the pirates--Luffy's pirates.

Sanji flung an attacker off his back and sent the guy flying your way, wiping the smile from your face as you yelped and dodged. You scurried off to the side, nearly tripping head over heels in your dress, having to hike up your skirts as you twirled in and out of the swiftly rising rabble.

Luffy’s marksman remained unscathed at his vantage point, lining up a shot and letting it fly. You gasped delightfully when the constable was nailed right in the forehead and hit the floor unconscious. You found a place flush against the wall, and you beamed at the destruction.

Pews turned to splinters under the power of the swordsman. Refreshments scattered across the floor as the ginger was thrown into a table and jumped back up again. Flowers fluttered around as the raven haired woman used some kind of magic to extend her reach. And Luffy—he laughed through it all. People jumped at him with fists and clubs, yet he threw them all off like it was nothing. Perhaps to him it was.

You stifled another smile behind your hands. The people of your town were absolutely demolished by these pirates. These glorious, heroic pirates you would be thanking for the rest of your life—

“You did this.” In an instant your wrists were captured by your ex-fiancee. “Witch. Where’d you get the money to pay them, huh?”

“Let go,” you bit back, jerking away only for his hold to tighten, prepared for your escape this time. 

He yanked you closer. “After everything I’ve done for your family—” 

You spat in his eyes and kneed his crotch, watching satisfied as he crumbled to the floor. “Family my ass.”

You darted into the chaos without another word. Men lay unconscious every few steps, their bloody and bruised faces staring up at you. You tripped over someone’s leg, growled sharply, and took hold of your skirts. One by one you ripped off the layers of tulle, leaving you in your knee-length bloomers, dress reduced to the lacy bodice and shreds of fabric at your hips. Finally you yanked your heels off, hopping on one foot and then the other. 

Right as you were about to drop your left shoe, the man of honor, some guy called Henry, made for you swiftly. Gasping, you gripped the toe of the heel and clubbed him over the head.

Someone grabbed your shoulder a second later. You shrieked and dropped to the ground, slipping out of the grip and rolling to the side. The swordsman appeared suddenly and cut the man down in one move. The body dropped beside you. You blinked, gasped, and let a delayed scream flee your lips. The swordsman reached to grab your wrist and hoisted you to your feet. “You okay?”

“Y-you killed him!” you cried.

“Relax,” he rolled his eyes. “I hit him with the hilt.”

Sure enough, the man only had a gash on his temple and some head trauma most likely. The swordsman looked you up and down briefly. “Watch out for the ero-cook lookin’ like that.”

You hardly cared if you looked indecent. “Where’s Luffy?”

He didn't get to answer—a laugh you quickly grew to recognize had you whipping around, eyes peeled. 

His profile shone in the evening light bleeding from the windows. He stood with his head thrown back and eyes tightly shut, a blinding smile on his face. Transfixed, you wondered, not for the last time, if he was more than human.

When his laughter died down Luffy held his fists close to his chest and looked around as if searching for another fight, his gaze finding you. Your heart skipped, but his smile dropped deathly fast. You didn’t have the chance to wonder before his fist zipped a hair's breadth away from your cheek. You hit the ground instantly, head ducked between your knees. You might have remained there forever, wondering just what possessed him, if you were stupid for trusting him, overwhelmed by something akin to heartbreak—when two sandaled feet entered your sight.

“Hey,” he said, giving you deja vu. “What’re you doin’ on the floor?”

Eyes wide, chest heaving, you sprang to your feet and got nose to nose with him. Luffy merely blinked at you. “What’s wrong with you!? First, you help me, then you try to hit me! Why—Don’t touch me!” 

He gripped your shoulders and spun you around in one fluid motion. All your sputtering got caught in your throat. Two feet away Mr. Toleson lay flat on his back with the worst bloody nose you’d ever seen. 

One. Two…

You couldn’t help it; you laughed. Ugly laughed. Louder and more all-consuming than you ever had before. You tried to choke on it, only making the sound sizzle into harsh snickers. 

Luffy felt like he was in a trance, watching you dazedly as he broke into his own fit of laughter.

“Gah!” Your mother bolted for the door, throwing a fretful glance over her shoulder. She paused, wove around a man limping for the exit, and dragged Mr. Toleson to his feet. Coughing, your would-be fiancée set his grim sights on Luffy. Your mother tugged him with her, more forceful now. “Come. She isn’t worth your life.”

Really, it shouldn’t have bothered you. She’d never done anything for you, yet—her words struck you oddly, fiercely. They were gone before you recovered. You glanced around at a loss as Luffy stood a strong pillar in your peripheral. Your eyes darted to meet him as the final pieces of your world crumbled to dust, and you found nothing but cool assurance; you sighed out a breath you’d been holding since you were ten. 

“Good riddance,” you choked. Luffy’s lips ticked up in a smile. The figures of his friends came into focus as they gathered around in the wreckage of the church. Emotion tingled in every corner of your body. “Thank you, all of you. I’m… forever in your debt.”

That wasn’t all you wished to express by far. You’d been thinking it the whole while, perhaps even from the first moment you learned he was a pirate. The request teetered precariously on the tip of your tongue when the caterer cut you off.

“No need, madam,” he said with a flourish of his wrist. “Always a pleasure to assist.”

His eyes took you in gratefully, and he was quick to wipe away the small bit of blood leaving his nose. You grinned, almost grimacing, and gave an awkward laugh. “Of course…” Luffy’s shoulder brushed your own, drawing your gaze to him. His bright eyes had you wanting to reach up and brush his messy hair out of his face. Somehow, you refrained. “Just what kind of pirates are you? I didn’t think your lot were in the business of wedding crashing.”

Luffy shrugged his shoulders, barely smiling as he replied, “I like you.”

You choked on nothing. “Well—that’s—indeed.”

The silence of the room, only some harsh breaths breaking it, had you questioning what came next. Your adrenaline crashed all at once as your eyes got heavy and your shoulders sagged all at once. You rubbed at your eyes and suppressed a yawn, shivering as a breeze drifted by. 

The ginger girl noticed the change at once, moving to your side despite her own exhaustion. “Let’s get you cleaned up. That can’t be comfortable.”

For some reason, you didn’t jerk away from her touch, so gentle and kind as she took your arm. “Yeah. Uhm, I can go to my servants’ quarters. They won’t say anything…”

The girl scoffed, catching your eye. “No way. You’re going to our ship.” She blanched a second later, backtracking. “If that’s okay with you.”

You watched for any sign of falsehood, and found none at all. You shook your head quickly. “No, that’s fine. Can we go now?”

The girl—Nami, you later learned—giggled and swiftly ushered you out of the wreckage and into the sun. You gave a soft laugh of your own, still very reserved yet filled with the tentativeness of someone realizing that everything would be okay. 

And Luffy watched you leave, his lips tugging upwards subconsciously. He stood solidly as each of his friends followed after you, till only Robin remained. She had her arms crossed, head tilted low and eyes scrutinizing. She took in Luffy’s stance, his twitchy fingers, his eyes transfixed on empty space. All usual features on her friend; it was his dopey grin that gave it all away.

“Captain,” Robin spoke. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Luffy nodded. He didn’t even stutter, his reply instant. “Why?”

She nearly chuckled, holding back if only to humor him. She nudged his shoulder with her own to spur him into motion, and the pair walked slowly into the streets. 

“What do you know about your new friend?” she asked as they passed under a bakery sign squeaky as it swung with the wind. 

He paused. “She’s fancy… and unhappy.” Luffy kicked a pebble and watched it skip all the way to the end of the sloped path. “Very unhappy. She’ll be happier with us.”

Robin’s heart went tender as she looked away, hiding a smirk. “Have you told her that?”

Catching her eye, Luffy smiled. “She knows.”

They caught up enough to spy the others as Usopp and Nami had their arms around your shoulders, bickering absently whilst you snickered quietly between them. Robin nodded, for who was she to argue? Besides, maybe you did. The smile on your face may have betrayed just that.

જ ⁀ ➴

You still heard the boisterous laughter of your new friends even as you swept away from the galley, heart beating a little too fast to be comfortable. They were amazing, sure, but overwhelming at best. All you needed was a moment and you could return unnoticed to the good food and warm company. As soon as you got some air.

You instinctively reached to pick up a skirt as you rose the stairs to the deck, only to grab at air, look down, and grin at the sight of Nami’s brown trousers. 

The cool night breeze hit you like a wall the moment you stepped outside, shooting shivers down your spine. The saltiness of the sea clung to your skin and clumped in your hair, filling your nose with every deep breath of air. 

The deck felt odd against your bare feet, grating against your skin just enough to make you wary of splinters despite the apparent fine craftsmanship of the wood. You leaned into the ship rail and gazed down upon the rolling waters. A soft and steady kussshhh kussshhh greeted you, a gentle sea spray kissing your cheeks.

So far, the sea was far greater than you’d ever conceived. Freedom rippled in every gust of wind billowing in the sails; the waves sang songs of grandauer; the stars winked secrets you couldn’t hear but felt in the creak of your bones. The music of the world had finally included you in its symphony, and you would never go back. 

Never.

You heard him before you saw him, his bumbling, careless steps thumping against the deck. Luffy came up out of the belly of the ship, gazed around once, and settled his sights on you. You met eyes and simply existed; he smiled first; you returned a grin. Luffy approached with all the familiarity he shouldn’t have given you in such a short time. 

“You disappeared,” he said too loudly, threatening to break the perfect silence settled around you. 

“I did,” you whispered back. After pursing your lips, you turned back to the sea and waited, assuming he would take the hint. It took two seconds longer than you anticipated, but Luffy’s shoulder soon bumped against your own. 

When he spoke again, he was softer, “How do you feel?”

You sucked in a lunfull of cold air and laughed it out. “Free. I didn’t think I’d ever feel like that again.”

He nodded, because he wanted to say so many things but at the same time had no clue what to say at all. Luffy had never experienced this before, being at a loss for words; all evening he’d dwelled in this confusion that only grew every time you smiled and he lost his breath. What was so different about you that all his words felt terribly redundant? 

“Wow.” He turned his head quickly, blinking at you. You were already looking right at him. 

“Huh?”

You shook your head, shy smile dripping in tease. “You’re quiet. I didn’t take you as someone to just dwell like this.”

How many minutes had passed? Luffy wasn’t sure, but you looked content, so he didn’t really care. His eyes danced all over your face, puzzlement laid in his brow. You tilted your head and began to worry about the cloudy look on his face.

“Can I ask you something?” you said. Luffy gave a wordless nod, still looking so lost. You wanted to touch him, the realization setting in suddenly, hand itching to grip his arm. “Why did you help me? You didn’t have to.” Crossing your arms, you turned to watch the curling white foam ripple off the ship. “It certainly made things harder for you. They might tell the Navy, and I can imagine that’s plain hell.”

“They won’t catch us,” he scoffed, catching your eye. “And like I said, I like you.”

Your lips pursed before you let slip a chuckle, face far too warm for your liking. He probably didn’t know what he was saying. “Right. How could I forget. Is that all?”

“You’re… funny.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Real funny. Odd. Makes me feel funny.” He said it with such nonchalance you wondered if he was joking, but the longer you stood and stared at your feet the more aware you were of his presence at your side. Finally, you lifted your head, finding him staring out to sea. He was one to talk about being odd. You hardly understood what was so odd about you; you felt fairly normal if you said so yourself—but that wasn’t exactly the point. 

Because Luffy was confused after all, just like he looked to be. The conflicted boy never strayed far from your shoulder, his hand brushing yours every few seconds. You hardly knew him—you didn’t know him—yet you couldn’t deny the overwhelming trust clawing its way into your heart. 

So, really, there wasn’t much more debate on whether you should ask. 

“Let me stay.” “Join my crew.”

The pair of you whipped your heads around suddenly. Eyes wide, you smiled, bursting into laughter with him, leaning into his side so he was half holding you up, your forehead hitting his chest—you missed hugs, sighing deeply as his warm hands brushed your skin and—

Cold rushed up your spine. You jerked away, an apology on your lips, when Luffy grunted and reeled you back in. You hit his chest with a thump as his arms wrapped around you three times. Eyes wide, body stiff, his deep breathing enveloped you till all you heard was in and out, in and out, that steady yet unsure rhythm. 

“I’d like to join your crew,” you said after a while. 

He focused on the space ahead of him, hold loosening bit by bit. “I’d like you to stay.”

You pulled away, and this time he let you. “Somehow, I feel I’m making a grave mistake.” He tilted his head all puppy-like, so you reveled in his puzzlement. Spinning out of his arms you faced the sea again. “You’ll most likely get me killed, Captain.”

Luffy blinked rapidly, heart thudding at the sly grin planted on your profile. Captain. He liked that. He always did, but now especially—when it came from you. 

“I won’t let that happen,” he said with such casualty. He stepped into your line of sight. “You do want to stay, don’t you?”

As if you had a choice, you mused. Even if you didn’t, it wouldn’t change a thing in your eyes. You smiled softly at him, a spark of wild excitement in your eyes. “More than anything.”

It started small, only a grin until it grew too wide to remain shut, his teeth shining seconds later. His eyes squinted, head thrown back, and you swore his laugh echoed to the very depths of the sea, encircling your whole being.

He fascinated you, filling you with this sense of freedom you’d never known before. Luffy was larger than life, and you stood there to witness his existence. Somehow, even then, you understood the gravity of who he would become. 

What an odd pair the two of you made. Him so unrestrained and you so proper—though surely the longer you spent with him the less true that became. Neither of you really cared either way; you found the other wildly fascinating, and in that moment on the deck as he blinded you with his smile, that’s really all that mattered.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @100520s @kryscent

[here-comes-the-moose]

Some of my Bad Batch Amusement Park Headcanons Under the Cut

Hunter

Emphasizes that they will not be buying anything in the park, since everything is ridiculously overpriced. He ends up buying things they don’t need anyways.

Can only go on some of the rides, since others are way too intense for him. He’ll hang out with Crosshair while the others go on those.

Constantly asking if any of them are hungry or thirsty or feeling okay. Made them stop walking so he could fuss over Echo since he thought he was in pain (Echo was just annoyed at all of Hunter’s mother-henning).

This results in him and Echo getting into a fight that makes them all walk in silence for about fifteen minutes. Someone (Crosshair) almost cries.

Steals bites of the others’ food.

Wrecker

Omega’s riding companion.

He has to close his eyes during the ascent on rollercoasters due to his fear of heights, but once they’re off, he’s totally fine and having a great time.

Going crazy over the food available at the amusement park because what do you mean they can deep-fry key lime pie???? Echo is concerned, but also impressed at how he doesn’t get sick on rides after eating.

He’s in charge of spinning the teacup since he can make it go extremely fast. The workers are impressed at his strength but also horrified.

Tech

Omega’s other riding companion. He flies like an absolute maniac, of course he’s going to enjoy amusement park rides.

He’s the one who has the map and all of their tickets. He has had their route planned out for weeks and has the app on his phone that says the wait times.

Making sure that everyone stays hydrated.

Will lecture Crosshair and Wrecker over all of the fried food they are consuming, but will say nothing to Omega since she’s a child and should get to have some fun. He even accepts bites of her fried Oreos.

Crosshair

Can only ride the Ferris wheel. He gets sick on everything else because his enhanced vision makes him more susceptible to motion sickness.

Absolute pro at all of the games. Can and will win all of the toys for Omega.

Goes absolutely ham on the sweets available at the park (I headcanon him as having a major sweet tooth). Gets fed up with Tech’s lecturing and eats more sweets out of pure spite. This is something he pays for later.

Will deny it, but constantly checking Omega to see where she is, waiting for her if she wants to look at something or needs to tie her shoe, and offering to carry all of her things so she doesn’t get tired.

Echo

Constantly making them take pictures. Has said “act like you love each other” at least twice while taking said pictures. Got mad at Crosshair for not smiling, but then just left it alone when Crosshair smiled in the worst, most unhinged way possible.

Also making sure everyone is staying hydrated and that they are reapplying their sunscreen.

Alternates with Hunter on who will sit with Crosshair when others go on the rides.

Likes all the rides, but rollercoasters are his favorite.

Telling Crosshair, Wrecker, and Omega to take it easy on the snacks. (Some listen more than the others and he has to give the ones who don’t listen pepto later).

Omega

Stealing food from Crosshair and Wrecker (though it isn’t really stealing since they’re fine with it and were under the impression they were sharing).

Loves all of the rides, especially rollercoasters that go upside-down (Crosshair gets dizzy just thinking about it).

Treasures all of the toys Crosshair wins for her.

Enlists the others’ help in carrying all of said toys.

Sharing her food with everyone.

She is eating the most balanced out of all of them, since Tech and Echo are making sure she’s getting enough fruits and veggies as well as enough protein. She’s probably also the most hydrated out of them due to everyone fussing over her.

[yorshie]

I’m just thinking about a dynamic where the reader is dating all 4 turtles and has gotten close with splinter and one day he’s just like ‘u kno I’m glad you’re dating all 4 of them because if they brought home 3 other potential in laws you’d still be my favorite’

Tea Time

The table was set with little puff cakes and slices of thinly sliced ham and cheese, plates perched for easy reach and a full pot of tea at the side waiting to be poured.

You eyed the ensemble, making sure everything looked good and nothing was missing, when a gentle presence at your elbow had you smiling softly at the humanoid rat staring in shock at the treats set out.

"My dear, it is good to see you," he said, pulling his eyes away from the food, "but what is all this? I did not expect you until the boys were back from patrol?"

You shrugged, "eh, I wanted to spend some time with you. the boys can wait."

He gave a good humored laugh, moving slowly for the table setting on the far side. "I feel I should warn you that outside of Leonardo, my sons do not have a strong will for patience, try as they might. Although," he settled down on the cushion gracefully with a little sigh and accepted the tea you offered with a little dip of his head, "I am sure that by now you are more than aware of that."

"Maybe a little bit." You whispered conspiratorially, pouring your own tea and waiting for Splinter to choose his first plate before adding anything to yours. "But they try hard. And that's all that matters."

"As such usually is in matters of the heart." Splinter answered, sipping his tea and taking a little nibble of one of the puff cakes. "Though, I must say, as surprised as I am by the...nature of their chosen relationship, I am happy they are such devoted partners."

"You raised them into four fine men." You cocked your head to the side when he gave another chuckle. "What? What did I say?"

Splinter chose another piece of cheese. "As much as it warms my heart with paternal pride to know that you would defend them so, I was thinking more so of the fact that, if ever they were to bring another partner to meet me, it would be awkward to admit you would be the preferred choice."

You choked on the tea, thumping your chest to keep from coughing across the table. Splinter looked on amused until you could straighten and give him a smile.

“You know, Splinter, I’d love to hear any embarrassing stories you haven’t told me yet.”

“Oh my dear,” he set his teacup down, and you hurriedly refilled it as he sat back and thought. “You know, I do think there’s one I haven’t told you yet….”

[outsidersheadcanons]

hcs for how you think the curtis brothers at a water park/amusement park would go?

FINALLY THESE GUYS HAVE A GOOD DAY 😭

So to start. Pony and Soda are bouncing off the walls when they find out they're going to the amusement park, I think Darry got coupons or smth from a coworker who also has a family

Darry ends up driving them INSANE while they're there bc he wants to take a hundred pictures 😭 Soda doesn't mind AS much as Ponyboy bc he loves hamming it up but Darry eventually quits it a few hours in when he sees Pony getting grumpy

The first thing they do is find the biggest fricking roller coaster they can. And the whole time they're standing in line Pony is having an existential crisis but attempting to seem "tuff" (the creaky noises from the rusty tracks REALLY do not soothe him) and Darry's kinda concerned when he sees him literally shaking when they get to the front of the line 💀

The only thing that shivered Ponyboy's timbers more than the roller coaster was the haunted house tho 💀 he screamed like a little girl at a rubber sea monster and Darry and Soda laughed their asses off

Pony would never admit it, but he liked the teacups and bumper cars the most (the second bc Darry genuinely looked happy ramming his into the front end of Pony's)

Now.. if they went to a water park Soda would BEG Darry to get a picture of him getting drenched by one of those bucket things 😭

I have a very nice mental image of the Curtises sitting on those plastic beach chairs they have at water parks. Just chilling and eating ice cream. Pony didn't like his so he switched with Soda and Darry's on the verge of sleep enjoying the sun, and they're all tuckered out from messing with each other in the wave pool (Darry went under the water a few times to pull Pony and Soda's legs 💀)

Soda would love water slides too. Esp the ones where ur in the raft?? All three of them would fw that and Ponyboy would be screaming for dear life (there is no danger) 😭

[soulandunconscious]

dead poets in efteling

a/n: first hc post yippieeee!! i know this is soo niche and there are about three people who understand this but its been in my head for weeks and it needs out. if you're unfamiliar, efteling is this really cool theme park in the netherlands with a kind of dark fantasy theme. i was there yesterday and if you saw someone eating shit at the baron 1898 that was UHHHH NOT ME GUYS

first of all, cameron is extremely stressed out about wasting time/money so he wants to be there the second the gates open. If they’re staying in a hotel or bosrijk, he’s insanely anal about getting the extra half hour but they never end up getting it bc half the guys are still asleep

they go with mr keating (who had to pester the board for months about why it’d be beneficial for their education) and thank god because every single one of the guys is directionally challenged. if it werent for him they’d criss cross through the park all day

keating makes them sit at the fabula restaurant for like 20 minutes so he can drink coffee and plan out their walking route. cameron nearly has an aneurysm

everyone but cameron is running around that restaurant like children

charlie is hogging the slide, meeks and pitts are at the climbing section, knox is locked in on feeling the textures and the game where you merge your face with a penguin. spends five minutes trying to type in his email

neil and todd are mainly walking around trying to see everything, until todd gets jumpscared by the jumping snake. from then on he’s staying 10 feet away from any kind of structure in this building

cameron is sitting at a table with keating trying to explode him with his mind. keating is unfazed

when they finally go on a ride they go on fata morgana first

pitts is so insanely in tune with the present and his inner child that he fully locks in during every dark ride. EVERYTHING GETS HIM during the fata morgana. the negative energy makes him so on edge that he screams at everything 

everyone else is fine for the entirety of the ride except for the dentist scene where they all go ‘eugghhh’ in unison

they go on the baron 1898 next and knox is like eughhh i dont know guys cuz hes fucking terrified of heights but he won't actually come out and say it. they manage to convince him to get on cuz he's extremely sensitive to peer pressure

meeks and pitts are constantly playing no one knows (efteling heads up) in the line (in every line tbh) but they can’t control their volume. they’re always screaming when they get an answer right and it stresses cameron out

charlie wants to play with them but he's horrible at it cuz he keeps asking subjective questions

when they get on the coaster, knox is already having heart palpitations from the sight of the witte wieven. he then sees 1. how insanely high it is and 2. how theres a whole crowd of people on the ground staring up at them. right when the cart tips a little over the edge and hangs there, charlie (in the most sincere voice) says 'omg i think my seatbelt is undone!' n knox fully faints for a second

they don't let him go on rollercoasters anymore after that. he mainly rides the train and waves at every passerby

they go on sirocco (teacups ride). keating has mostly been keeping a neutral face and sharing history/poetry tidbits so he can argue that they have, in fact, learned somethng here. but on sirocco this guy goes HAM

hes 1. really strong and 2. obsessed with this ride so he's spinning it like crazy. he's in there with meeks and pitts who are having a grand old time

neil and todd are in a boat together and todd has this really blank expression. neil is extremely worried he's getting motion sick so he's constantly like 'are you good? should i stop spinning it???' and todds like 'yeah im good :)'. neil does not believe him and refuses to keep spinning it

the people who ARE getting motion sick are cameron and charlie, who somehow ended up in a boat together. neither of them are willing to admit it so they're both turning green and staring at each other to see if one of them will cave

they both end up puking

they go on droomvlucht and decide to test out the virtual line. when they get the notification that they can get on cameron freaks the fuck out cuz hes scared they'll miss their slot even tho its fifteen minutes. hyperventilating all like 'WE HAVE TO GO NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW'

while they wait for their time slot they go to the volk van laaf

neil and todd and meeks and pitts both go on the monorail. theyre on the monorail when their slot opens so they look down and just see a tiny little cameron waving his arms and screaming 'WE NEED TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

todd runs over the second they're off the ride cuz he's stressed, but the rest REFUSE to be rushed

knox has found the loof and eerhuys and nearly jumps out of his skin when vader laaf starts moaning and moving his feet

charlie would think this is very funny and start calling him freaky laaf if he werent stuck at the stairs that make noise, spamming the steps

when they're actually on droomvlucht, neil is constantly talking about a midsummer nights dream. pointing and pogging like 'OMG ITS OBERON'

neil in general chronically talks through rides. todd's content to listen

meeks gets jumpscared by the troll at the end and still has a horrified expression at the photo op

fairytale forest!!!

charlie is obsessed with everything that's interactive, specifically the troll king and the parrot. makes it say all sort of horrific things

obviously he's pogging at the mermaid boobs

also will not stop thirsting over the wolf. he is FRONT ROW at an evening with wolf even though he doesn't understand a word

the interactive bit pitts likes is the gnome that opens the door and just like. mutters at everyone. he thinks it's the funniest shit EVER.

todd is LOCKED IN at the fairytale tree. looks up at keating with these huge eyes as if to say 'thats u'

meeks has figured out how the app works and how to make kniesoor say ur name. knox is convinced it's witchcraft and then BEGS steven to show him how it works

i actually don't believe kniesoor knows the name knox but who knows!

they go on the halve maen (swinging ship) and cameron, still traumatized from the sirocco endeavor that he insists on sitting in the middle

everyone else refuses and since keating doesn't want anyone to be alone, he sits next to cameron

what cameron didnt really consider is that since the movement in the middle is a lot more subtle, it's likely to make you even more sick

keating's looking at him the entire time and going 'are you okay?' meanwhile camerons there like ._.

in the tips, a screaming contest breaks out between the two halves. charlie and knox start it and everyone joins in. ppl gets tired and kinda stops putting any effort into it at some point. as a joke, at the very end when it slows down, charlie says ‘imagine someone just fully yawps right now’ and todd just. does it

knox is mortified. charlie gives todd five dollars for the effort

in the vliegende hollander all of them are kind of tired and the line is stressing them out. they don't fully understand what the ride even is so when the dark ride portion starts everyone is kind of tense. to diffuse tension, during the fog portion, meeks yells 'OMG CHARLIE PUT UR VAPE AWAY'

they eat at polles keuken and neil gets the magic water

charlie is inspired and gets it too. nearly knocks over a waiter with how excited he is

of course they go on symbolica after

oj punctuel is camerons spirit animal. everyone wakling through the opening steps and he's like yuo guys... poor oj...

charlie DEMANDS to sit in the front row so he can press the buttons

todd gets terrified at the whale/fabelvis part. he just doesnt like things that are underwater

when they see polle they're like omg that's our guy!!

at the end knox spends all his money in the gift shop

meeks buys those cards with seeds in them but refuses to ever plant them

pitts buys a raveleijn sword

charlie buys a stuffed animal of the wolf

cameron buys a magnet

todd buys the book of fairytales and buys keating a pen

neil buys a droomvlucht puzzle

i have a thousand more ideas but i feel like this post is already WAY long so if anyone is interested in a part two lmk x

[midnightskyeneko]

Obey me! Masterlist

Contacts

Strung-Up Turtle

Anime Tears

Attic Club-Sandwich

Mint Green Teacup

Restless Hugs

Convenience

A Night in Purgatory Hall

Slothful Rest

Wrathful Release

Guard Duty

Leftovers

Caught Dancing

Devil-Ham

Not Human

Breakfast

Late-Night Warmth

Devildom Diary

[hamtaro-merch-tracker]

Hamtaro Pop-Up Cafe

Cafe Dates: Tokyo Jan 5th 2019, Saitama Jan 10th 2019, Osaka Feb 22nd 2019

One of the first big events for the 20th anniversary of Hamtaro! This Hamtaro cafe had some cute themed food, including pancakes that looked like Hamtaro, a sunflower cake, and Pashmina curry. Each table had 1 of 4 table mats, which you could take home with you!

There was also a bit of merch available at the Cafe. It appears there was a gacha for keychains of the ham-hams in little teacups, a mug with the cafe logo on it, and some postcards to collect. There appears to have been a paper coaster that was given with each drink purchase, and an acrylic sunflower shaped coaster available similar to the keychain gacha.

The merch from this cafe is hard to find! Here is the only stuff I have so far:

[thehotelojkids]

what are the kids favorite food? :D

Milk Carton: Noodles

Penny: Chicken nuggets

Painty Jr.: Frozen Yogurt

Wax Sealer: Crayons

Rubber Ducky: Apple Slices

Red Envelope: The blood of her enemies Marshmallows

Jalapeño: Hamburgers

Nakiri Knife: Sweet potato baby food

Blueprint: Pancakes

Moldy Cheese: Ravioli

Blue Raspberry: Lemonade from her, Red Envelope, and Teacup’s lemonade stand

Candlestick: Mashed potatoes

Daisy: Cheese and crackers

Caramel Apple: Potato chips

Sapling: Sunlight(They can’t eat solid foods yet)

Apple Juice: Ham & Cheese Sandwiches

[ashesandhackles]

Philosopher's Stone reread notes

This is originally done for TTB discord server rereads. Lot of these notes have ended up in my metas. So I am just going to put the extraneous notes that haven't appeared in stuff I have written.

Chapter 1, 2, 3,4,5

The flying motorbike is a recurring dream of his escape from Dursleys - and it is associated with Sirius and Hagrid.

Lot of exploration Harry and Dursleys is done in: Deconstructing Harry, Harry and the Dursleys

What a life changing moment it is for Harry that the moment Hagrid enters (which makes his bullies fearful). He removes the threat of the rifle from Vernon and the negates the feeling of Vernon as a threat and then proceeds to make delicious sausages.. There are so many associations of Hagrid with warmth and nurture.

Also Petunia's outburst about Lily indicates the more mischievous, rule bending streak in Lily - "came home with her pockets full of frog spawn and turning teacups into rats". We see an element of this in DH too - Petunia shrieking that Lily wasnt allowed, but Lily jumps off the swings anyway. The association of Lily with magic is a very happy, joyous thing. Frog spawn is also a Lily - Potions connection!

Since Harry feels safe with Hagrid, he is asking a lot more questions and allowing himself to be curious. It took him some time - because the first scene with Hagrid, there is almost a page gap between Harry asking "Who are you?" to "I am sorry, I still don't know who you are."

Harry not taking to Malfoy because of Dudley reminder (and this is how he assesses threats in environment). Malfoy going on about how Hagrid is a "savage" and asking for Harry's surname, what interesting ways to introduce social divisions.

Quidditch as a sport that holds social capital. Purebloods who have played it all their life vs Muggleborns who would just start to see what the sport is about (also endearing that Dean has a West Ham football poster up)

Also more characterization details for Lily and James: James gets a wand suited for transfiguration (pliable and powerful), and Lily gets a swishy wand that is good for charm work. I love how much themes of power surround James even in little details like this.

It is interesting that both James and Voldemort's wands are remarked as powerful ones here - while Lily a woman, get a wand that is good for Charms, that is seen as a "soft option" as per Augusta Longbottom, which McGonagall refutes in OOTP.

Wands are also expensive. It is also used for wizard's dominance over other creatures (which Griphook angrily tells the trio in DH). I see Snape's potion speech (also something Lily was good at) as another indication of wand magic as seen something inherently superior - he calls it "foolish wand waving" "silly incantations" as if to assert the superiority of Potions as a subject (because the general perception is otherwise).

@artemisia-black insight on wands and masculinity: Hegemonic masculinity (the ideal of masculinity that men within a given society attempt to aspire to and play masculine roles to emulate) is very context specific. In the literature by Connell (the scholar who proposed the idea based on their work looking at social power), wealth, dominance over women and non-gender conforming men, dominance over non-white men, and obligatory hetrosexuality are the key components. But in the wizarding world I hypothesise a different definition - magical power is one of the key traits of magical hegemonic masculinity. Particularly with the phallic symbol of the wand.

Chapter 6, 7

Harry takes the initiative Ron and Neville - he has the empathy for underdog. There is something about Ron and Neville's vulnerability that speaks to him. With the twins, they lead the way to set a dynamic for Harry.

With Hermione, she reminds him of an authority figure with her bossiness, so he doesn't talk to her unless she is directly addressing him. He has no model to talk to her. So this is very much something he is comfortable letting Ron take the lead. As his experience with authority figures are usually not good, it's a mixed thing where he can tell she is not a threat + but he also doesn't relate to her.

I was also very intrigued by how he offers Neville comfort and tries to distract Ron to comfort him (telling him that Scabbers whiskers may have turned yellow). I was thinking - who is he modelling this behaviour from? And it's Petunia. Petunia tries to distract Dudley when he is upset. (Also, Harry is a very observant kid. i was also interested in how he watches the Weasley family from his compartment)

Weasley family dynamics: Ron literally says nothing in the station scene, until he asks Molly to get off (from getting the spot of his nose). Fred, George, Ginny consistently talk and make themselves heard. Percy is already a bit removed - cos he is a prefect, but he also gets new robe (something twins comment on) and owl (something Ron comments on). Percy is rewarded by his mother in ways that makes other siblings notice. Ron, on the other hand, is the super accommodating middle child. There is a lot of care being made to point out all of his stuff is second hand.

"you don't want this. It's all dry. She doesn't have a lot of time" After a moment of complaint ("she always forgets I don't like corned beef"), Ron quickly contextualises it for Harry. He doesn't want Harry to think badly of Molly in any way, so he quickly explains. Loyalty is a such a strong defining trait for him.

Also I really like the glimpse of Ginny in the train chapter - she is a happy, indulged girl who cries and laughs easily. There is scope to develop her as the girl who stops crying easily after CoS (even though she does cry after CoS too)

Hermione: Hermione's reaction to her nervousness and insecurities is to double down on them. Her introduction speech is quite literally a "information information information I just hope it will be enough". She comes across as intimidating as a result xD Even in the Sorting hat scene, she babbles about what she read.

Harry immediately picks up on Snape's dislike of him from one look. Again, threat based mode activate.

Harry's anxiety about being sent back (there are at least 2 times in the chapter where he works himself into a panic about being sent back and not being chosen), and how he thinks back to time that no one would want Dudley to know they liked him is very clear allusion to his abandonment issues. This is important to how he handles conflict in interpersonal relationships in first few books.

The use of dream is interesting - I think it is both a fun literary device + speaks to Harry's intuition. The things that Harry associates as threats in this chapter all make an appearance - Draco, Snape. And curiously, Quirrel's turban and high cold laugh. Harry has similar dreams in POA where he can hear (but can't see) stag galloping in middle of a forest clearing.

Chapter 8, 9:

Harry once again becomes escape artist, throwing instructions in dangerous situation - "maybe we can lock in the troll" "confuse the troll" and when he sees anyone in trouble, he takes the lead action (running and grabbing troll by the neck because the troll started going after Ron - who did indeed try to confuse it)

Running and grabbing people by neck is Harry's go to move for bigger people, he did that to Vernon too in earlier chapters.

Also interesting note - Snape examines the troll and gives Harry a "piercing look". First indication of him trying leglimency? Harry immediately looks down in response.

also interesting: Parvati was heard telling Lavendar that Hermione was crying in the bathroom, and that Hermione asked to be left alone (points to Hermione's self-isolating tendencies). Once again, good insight into Hermione, Parvati and Lavender dynamics. It also makes like Parvati a lot more. It seems like she is the one who tried to reach out and got rebuffed. We get a version of this in HBP where she tries to make up to Hermione for laughing at her.

Chapter 10,11, 12, 13

Snape and Filch, the broTP of ages. The way he complains to Filch, "blasted thing. How are you supposed to pay attention to three heads at once?" XD and now I am curious about his dynamic with Filch. Do they hate on children together. "Stebbins is a fool" "Last week Mrs Norris caught him looking hangdog outside Fawcett's classroom. Lovesick beasts"

I had forgotten how protective the twins are with regard to Harry. When the broom is jinxed, the twins try to get Harry onto one of their brooms + and when they couldn't, they fly underneath him so that they can catch him when he falls. They display similar behavior in CoS where they both get angry at Wood for making Harry play against Rogue Bludger.

Ron and Hermione are in general so thoughtful. Ron mentions to Molly that Harry wasn't expecting any presents + he notices Harry's preoccupation with the mirror and just overall thinks it's a bad idea.

The detective element of Harry's character where he obsesses over a problem vs him obsessing over the mirror - I forgot the obsessive spells he has. It's more pronounced in HBP and DH.

Also he gets his father's cloak and he is unwilling to talk about it and share it. Interesting on how personal this entire experience is for Harry.

The first thing both twins and Ron notice is their lack of things. It doesn't even read like complaining, almost matter of fact, but that's the first thing they notice. "Harry's better than ours. She obviously makes more of an effort if you are not family". The twins notice these things and I wonder how much of their targeting of Percy is also bit of envy from receiving their mother's validation in a way they don't. "things you value, things our mother value is kinda stupid and we are cooler than that"

But frog marching of Percy also has an endearing light to it. Because they do it, and Percy follows after initial "i don't want" to "Christmas is time for family"

We see first indications of more deliberate manipulation by Hermione. She flatters Hagrid's ego and gets him to admit about which teachers also added protection for the stone. She did a smaller version of that with McGonagall 😂 used her good reputation to protect Harry and Ron and take the fall. Here she is precise with what she means to do

@bluethepineapple insight: Even here, she is already very aware of appearances and narrative and is willing to manipulate it for her purposes. It's something we see on a much grander scale with the DA and the Quibbler later on, but there are smaller instances of it here already. She's really a born politician lol.

Harry and Neville - Harry cheers him up by saying, "you are worth twelve of Malfoy" and Neville repeats it to Malfoy -" I am worth twelve of you". What a cutie 🥺 Neville really admires Harry's bravery and looks up to him, he says as much in DH.

Also, its wild that Harry sees James and Lily through Mirror of Erised first.

For last section of the book - Trio dynamics:

also love that Charlie has friends who are willing to do things for him illegally at moment's notice. "Who wouldn't risk jail for Charlie? The dude is that likable".

Neville really looks up to Harry. But when they were going to the forest, he is so scared, he grabs Harry's sleeve 🥺

I love the atmosphere of the entire forest section. There is an eerie beauty in what's written, and I love Harry is aware of being watched.

Hermione was so worried about Harry near the end of the chapter, she was running ahead of Hagrid to check on him. (this is when Harry comes back with Firenze) this is when it was established that Hermione was scared to go into the forest (and Hagrid addresses her gently), but the moment she knows Harry has been left alone by Malfoy, she panics and runs ahead. What a wonderful character detail.

The chapter also has the cloaked figure "slithering" - so it gives such strong associations.

Harry takes the lead (and goes headfirst everywhere). Takes the flute, offers to jump first and instructs - "if anything happens to me, don't follow."

Hermione the pyromaniac. Same bluebell flames against devil snare - the one she has in jar, and she also attacks Snape in Quidditch match with fire.

The Knight: Pointing to Ron's protective nature + loyalty.

Snape uses logic puzzle: another hint to his roots, things wizards aren't implied to be good at.

Death is a theme since early on - the books open with double murder, end with fight over elixir of life where the stone is destroyed.

[dalliansss]

“Ah, darling,” says Finwë. He reaches and pats at Angamaitë’s knee. “That is how it is for first babies, you see. They take a long while to come along. Makalaurë and his lovely wife Silrièn took a long while as well! But look at them now: four daughters! Turukáno and Elenwë took some time too. It runs in the family, I’m afraid, ai! Your haruni and I baked Nolofinwë for a long, long time, ha ha ha!”

Turko surreptitiously coughs into his teacup. “Whoops. Tea got into my nose, sorry.” He grins at both Finwë and Angamaitë. But Finwë realizes the clue. Still, he won’t apologize for that. He turns to Angamaitë again.

“As long as you and Eldalótë do not lack will and want, a child will come along,” Finwë promises. Now though, he turns to Turko. “And how are you, indyo?” He smiles, dimples showing. “How have you been? How do you find the Hunt? You have been serving long, yes?”

Turko perks up. He sets aside his teacup and refills it (hey, this strange thing called blooming tea is actually good!), before he turns to Finwë and Anga. “I am doing well. Like Anga here, doing as well as able. This last Hunt we went close to Nienna’s gardens. The Door of the Night was almost visible! I believe it’s a spectacular sight! Also– the hogs there make for very great hams.”

Finwë beams at him. “That is great…! Though, how are you and Fëanáro lately?”

Turko’s smile momentarily freezes on his face. Uh. Haru Finwë always had a knack of asking the most awkward questions in, uh, inappropriate times. What the hell? Why ask this of him with Angamaitë around? And they aren’t even close much!

“Bah, you know my Atar, haru,” Turko shrugs, choosing the indirect way of responding. “We have our issues. We work around them.”

Angamaitë looks away then and pretends to be watching the butterflies hovering some flowers. 

[half-forgot / AO3]

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Baby, don't run, you're breaking my heart

After spending the winter months with Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart, and Tav, Halsin gets cold feet and runs off.

(Trigger warning (18+): graphic description of sex, smut, angst, fluff, the feels, character study)

Notes:

This is a direct continuation of 'Tav's sex parade'. You don't need to read the latter to get this story, but it would help the deeper meaning and understanding of it.

To avoid confusion: In one of my other fanfics, Halsin and Tav had named the owlbear cup Naïlo, which means 'night breeze' in the Elven language.

Another fic is mentioned.

Halsin had run off.

He'd spent a wonderful winter season with his lovers. Four months of good food, the best company, and shameless, hot sex. And then, pure fear had gripped him and he'd fled head over heels.

Now, the former archdruid sat in a shabby tavern, surrounded by drunkards, in bumfuck nowhere and contemplated to drown his guilt in alcohol once more. He'd sworn never to drink again, but today he was tempted for the first time in over eighty years.

With a deep sigh, Halsin hid his face in his hands and groaned. He was angry.

Why am I such a coward? he asked himself. Why do I disappoint the ones I love and care about over and over again? Why can't I be a better man?

"Are you going to order something soon, or will you keep wallowing in self-pity?" asked the tavern keeper slightly annoyed. "You're occupying a precious seat for more business-friendly customers."

"Apologies," Halsin muttered and stood up. "I'm giving the seat to someone else."

The tavern keeper grunted with a nod. The wood elf walked towards the door, but was stopped by a pretty woman.

"Hey, handsome, would you like to join me tonight? I'd love to be held down by all these muscles."

The addressed forced a polite smile onto his face.

"Thank you for the offer, I'm flattered, but I need to go somewhere."

"Oh, I see." The woman looked disappointed. "Enjoy your night then."

"You too. I'm truly sorry for declining."

Halsin rushed out of the door, his heart ached. The woman didn't have broad shoulders and freckles like Tav, nor long silver hair and a scar across her nose like Shadowheart.

Two days after leaving Gale's tower house in Waterdeep, the druid had slept with a stranger – and he hadn't found any joy in it. Three days later, when he'd gotten propositioned again, he hadn't even been able to get it up. Thus, he couldn't forget his self-loathing through alcohol nor sex. Not anymore. Not like back then.

Halsin had reached the woods and lay down in his makeshift tent, which was more like a taut tarpaulin than anything else, and closed his eyes as they filled with tears.

He was a coward. Afraid of losing people and afraid of disappointing them. Some called it commitment issues, but that wasn't it. He feared he was not enough for his partners, especially for Tav, and he couldn't contribute equal parts to their relationship. He was scared of screwing everything up eventually. He always did.

Oak Father, preserve me. Please, give me strength and courage. I have to make this right. What I have, what I found... I can't give it up. Don't want to. Please, Oak Father, I beg you; let me have a place again where I belong. I want to belong again.

Halsin rolled into a ball, making himself as small as possible, as he cried himself to sleep.

Tav was angry – no, furious, but also sad, hurt, and slightly disappointed. She'd never thought Halsin would just leave them – her – without an explanation or farewell.

"Come on, dear, drink your lavender tea," encouraged Morena, Gale's mother, and slid the sandwich tray closer to the bard.

The latter sighed unhappily, rubbed her forehead, and took a sip from her teacup. For her quasi mother-in-law's sake, she grabbed a small sandwich and took a bite. It was topped with ham, soft Waterdhavian cheese and fresh cress. Gale loved to prepare sandwiches for their afternoon tea break.

"There, there," hummed Morena, looking pleased. "With a filled tummy, the world looks less grim."

"You're right about that, Miss Dekarios," purred Tara, her little mouth smeared with cream cheese.

Tav sighed again, a bit too theatrical, and glared at the sandwich in her hand. Morena gave her a look.

"Oh, please. Don't exaggerate about this. Halsin's gone for two months already. And it's not like you have no lovers left."

"You don't understand, Morena, I love him. I love them all! Equally. Whole-heartedly. It's out of character for Halsin to just leave wordlessly. I have no idea why he left. Was it something I did? Something I didn't do? Is it a personal issue? I don't understand why he didn't talk to me. I'm seriously worried about him."

"I understand very well what you mean," the addressed replied calmly. "But your bad mood and worries don't solve the issue, do they? There are exactly two things you can do: search for him, or let him go. The choice is yours, Tav, but don't forget what's right in front of you. Chasing things you can't reach, never ends well. My son's a prime example for this – and you know it."

The bard grimaced but nodded.

"Still, I'm worried about Halsin," she muttered, rotating the teacup in her hands.

"He broke your heart," the sorceress stated pragmatically, "and you want an answer to the question why."

Tav nodded again and took another sip of tea. The lavender tried its damn best to calm her emotional turmoil, but it just wasn't working enough. The bard set her jaw, explaining: "I can't simply leave it like this. I want to find Halsin and talk to him. I need to know why he left."

"Ran away, more like," Morena muttered into her teacup, and Tara nodded in agreement.

Tav glared at them.

"That wasn't normal behaviour for him. The Halsin I know would have never done this!"

"And yet he did, dear. People are unpredictable – and selfish. Sometimes, you just have to accept your fate."

"Never!" Tav squeezed out between clenched teeth.

Morena sighed deeply.

"Incorrigible, these romantics."

Unbothered, she took another sip from her cup, while Tav was about to explode. She stood up, slamming her palm onto the tabletop, and hissed: "I'll find him – no matter if you, or anyone else, approves of it! He's worth it!"

Fuming, Tav stomped out of the kitchen.

"Don't forget our meeting tomorrow morning, dear!" Morena sing-songed amused. "The Sorcerous Sundries in Baldur's Gate has finally reopened after you killed the previous owner!"

"He was a prick!" shouted Gale from his study, making his mother chuckle and Tav snort a laugh.

"Don't worry, I'll be ready at nine," sighed the latter then, smiling slightly.

Tav had to give it to Morena; she'd been right about her prediction about spending a lovely day together. They'd portalled to Baldur's Gate with Gale and Shadowheart and browsed through the assortment of the reopened magic shop. Afterwards, they'd lunch at the Blushing Mermaid before portalling back to Waterdeep. It had been a nice distraction from the misery Tav felt since Halsin had left, but it wasn't gone, obviously. Also, she hadn't found what she'd been looking for at the Sorcerous Sundries.

"Do you have something that keeps me from burning in the sun?" she'd asked. "My skin's rather delicate."

"Unfortunately, we don't have anything like this in our gigantic assortment," had the wizard’s magical projection replied. "But you may be interested in sunburn reliever."

Tav had declined politely. She wasn't looking for something for herself actually, but for a certain someone.

Patience, she told herself. Maybe, I'll find what I'm searching for one day. – I hope I will.

Halsin lay on the mossy forest floor with his eyes closed and his palms against the ground. He felt Mother Nature's energy flow up through the soil into his body and back down. The druid breathed slowly and deeply, focusing on releasing everything that didn't serve him or was too much. Nature could use his excess energy to create something beautiful. Meanwhile, the new energy Halsin drew from her, cleansed and rejuvenated him. His thoughts drifted away after a while and he pondered about his next move. What should he do? How could he fix what he'd broken? The wood elf sighed and opened his eyes, gazing at the green canopy above him.

Oak Father, speak to me, he pleaded. I don't know what to do.

Two squirrels chased each other through the trees until they stopped and started to mate. Halsin looked away to give them some privacy.

That's not the sign I need, Silvanus, he thought, huffing a bitter laugh.

The druid sighed again. He felt tired, heavy, burnt out. He wanted to move, but couldn't get himself to do it.

I must pull myself together, he scolded himself. I won't feel any better if I keep lying here.

A fox dashed across the clearing, light-footed. Bypassing tripping hazards and elegantly jumping over the small creek. Halsin observed it.

Agile and clever like a fox. Fast and fearless like a squirrel. Thank you, Oak Father.

Tav couldn't sleep and she felt guilty. Astarion, Gale and Shadowheart tried their best to cheer her up and emotionally support her to overcome her heartbreak. Shadowheart didn't let it show on her face, but she was hurting too. Sometimes, Tav caught her staring at the honey pot in the kitchen teary-eyed.

Now, the bard was sandwiched between the cleric and the wizard who were sleeping soundly. Carefully, she wiggled her way out of their embraces, hoping not to wake them, and pattered to the kitchen. On the way, she checked on Scratch, Naïlo, and Tara who slept on the carpet and pillows in front of the fireplace, tightly entangled. The tressym purred in her sleep, enthroned on top of the owlbear's fluffy, feathery flank, who hooted lowly with every exhale, and the dog's paws twitched while he was dreaming of chasing something (probably a pigeon in the park), while snuggled up against Naïlo's belly. Tav smiled and left them alone. She walked downstairs to Astarion's basement room, but the vampire was still on his nightly stroll through the city. Sighing, the bard moved to the kitchen to brew tea. She studied the one dozen tea caddies.

For sleep and to soothe the nerves, hmm... Chamomile, lavender, and valerian. Morena would be proud that I remember her herbology lessons.

Just as she grabbed the caddy with lavender, she heard the low hum of the magic barrier of the front door. Gale had enchanted it to inform them when someone was at the door, who wasn't knocking. Furrowing her brows, Tav walked to the entrance hallway, curious who it could be. It wasn't Astarion, that's for sure, he had a key. The bard stopped before the door, staring at it. It was still humming lowly. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Halsin sat on the doorstep, staring at her wide-eyed, surprised and shocked in equal measure. Tav blinked at him dumbly.

"Halsin?"

"Uhm, hello, Tav. I uh - It's the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake anyone. Also, I- I don't know what to say."

The druid looked embarrassed and sheepish, squeezing his hands together.

"I definitely need that lavender tea now," the bard stated, still overwhelmed.

Halsin looked up at her, those hazel eyes big and pleading.

"Tea?"

His breath left a puff of air in the cold spring night. His hair was dripping wet from the rain. Tav opened the door wider.

"Come in. It would be a shame if you'd freeze to death or catch pneumonia due to the rain. My parents would be mortified to know I've turned into such an unfriendly, heartless host."

Hastily, the druid scrambled onto his feet and lifted up his luggage. Hesitantly, he entered Gale's tower house, dripping water onto the doormat.

"Stay here, I'll grab a towel," Tav told him. "And don't you dare leave before we've exchanged a single word."

Embarrassed, Halsin lowered his head. He did feel the urge to flee, but he didn't move a millimetre. He had to put it right again. Tav returned quickly with a towel and some clothes. The druid thanked her and got dry and dressed.

"Come on. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," mumbled the addressed, the tips of his ears blushing in embarrassment.

You can't even feed yourself properly, you idiot, scolded the mean voice in his head, and Halsin shook himself to clear his mind.

He tentatively entered the kitchen, sat down at the table, and observed how Tav grabbed a tray of sandwiches from the pantry which was glowing purple.

"Gale enchanted the cupboard so that the food doesn't go bad," Tav explained. As always, she had interpreted his facial expression and body language correctly. She was particularly talented at that. Halsin wondered if it had something to do with her profession.

The bard put the plate down in front of him and brew the tea. The faint smell of lavender wafted through the kitchen and Halsin inhaled deeply, hoping it would calm his nerves. Tav filled two cups with tea and sat down opposite him. Her green-brown eyes studied him, her brows were slightly furrowed in concentration. It was unnerving and Halsin fidgeted around on the chair. Tav took a sip from her cup, then, she took a deep breath, and asked, way too calmly: "Why?"

The druid stared into his tea, working his clenched jaw. 'Why?'. Such a simple question, and he had no idea how to answer it. How to explain his action. Himself.

"I -," he began, voice cracking miserably. "I don't know. I mean, I do know, but I don't know how to explain it. I - I'm so sorry, my heart."

Tav inhaled sharply.

"Don't call me that," she whispered. "Don't call me that if you don't mean it. Don't play with me, Halsin."

"I mean it," the druid replied, feeling ice-cold dread filling his veins. He grabbed her hand on the table. His was clammy, hers warm. "I mean it. I- I screwed it up."

Angrily, Tav stood up, her eyes aflame.

"Yes, you did! Spectacularly! Why, Halsin? Don't you trust me? I thought you'd tell me if something's wrong."

"Of course, I trust you! That's the problem," Halsin replied, getting up himself. "I entrust you with my life – and it scares the shit out of me!"

Tav shook her head. Anger, hurt, and sadness showed on her face. She was so easy to read, like an open book. What if she would send him away now? What if she couldn't forgive him? Halsin swallowed, trembled. His fear had him in a chokehold. But, instead of moving away, Tav stepped closer.

"Kiss me. Please," she whispered, looking up at him.

A shiver ran down Halsin's spine as he took a step forward, bent down, and kissed her like a starving man. He held onto her, with one hand around her biceps and the other on her neck. Tasting her, smelling her. It was so much better than in his memories. He traced the bite mark at the nape of her neck with his fingers, remembering how he'd left it there and how she'd let him mark her so willingly. Halsin broke the kiss when he tasted saltwater.

"No, please. Don't stop," pleaded Tav with tears streaming down her face. "Please, Halsin, don't run away again. It broke my heart."

The addressed swallowed, staring at her. He'd never seen Tav cry before.

No matter what had happened and what awful things they'd gone through, she'd been solid like a rock. She'd been there for Astarion after he'd killed Cazador. Had held him tight and consoled him. She'd had enough faith and trust in him to let him drink from her every night since basically day one. She'd encouraged Shadowheart to free herself from Shar and the pain that the goddess had inflicted on her. Had hugged her and had mumbled soothingly. She'd promised Karlach to get her and Wyll out of Avernus. Had comfort her with words since she hadn't been able to touch the tiefling. She'd convinced Gale to not comply to Mystra's wishes to blow himself up. Instead, she'd helped him get the Crown of Karsus from the Netherbrain so that he could hand it to the Goddess of Magic and got freed from the Orb in his chest. She'd help him lift the Shadow Curse. Had welcomed him into her found family. Tav had helped them all. She had made them whole again, had helped them heal. To start anew. And he had screwed it up. He had made her cry.

"I'm deeply sorry, Tav. My heart," said Halsin. "I never intended to hurt you."

He kissed her again and she sobbed, wrapping her arms around him. The druid sighed. Finally, he felt her strong body against his again, saw the rosy, freckled skin again, those green-brown eyes, and that awful, short haircut. He'd missed her and he loved her – so much.

When they parted, they leaned their foreheads together, and Halsin said: "What we have, no, what you gave me, is too precious to give up. It's worth fighting for. I was a coward. Fear overwhelmed me and I didn't know how to deal with it. It's true; I trust you more than anyone else, but it scares me. For the first time in decades, I'm in love with someone, opened my heart for you, and I'm scared I'll screw it up, you'll leave me, or I'm not good enough for you. I haven't committed to a relationship in such a long time, because every time I did, it came back to bite me in the arse, or something terrible happened. I can't go through this again. I can't have my heart broken for the dozens time. But by fearing for my own heart's safety, I broke yours, and I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me."

"Yes," nodded Tav, holding him close. "Always."

Halsin felt like crying and kissed her again, desperately. They held each other close and cried freely. It felt good to let it out.

"I missed you so much," sniffed Tav. "Don't you ever do that again! I know you're a free spirit and you can't be hold down. That's why I let you go, why I'm not jealous, and why I'm happy with our arrangement. I have multiple lovers and so do you. 'Let our hearts roam freely', you once said and I agree. But please, talk to me before you run away because it's too much to bear for you. Whatever you want, whatever bothers you, I'll understand and I'll let you go, but please, come back to me and don't leave me without a word again."

"I promise," whispered Halsin, squeezing his eyes shut. "I promise, my heart. I'll never cause you heartache again."

"Good."

Tav took his hand and led him towards the kitchen counter. There, she discharged her nightgown and started fumbling with his trousers. Suddenly in a frenzy, Halsin pulled the shirt over his head in one smooth motion and stepped out of the trousers. They kissed again before the bard hopped up onto the counter. Halsin already panted in anticipation, excited to feel her body against his again and taste her skin. He slid his hands under her buttocks and kissed her as he thrust into her. Tav moaned, wrapping her legs and arms around him. Halsin kissed her neck and started a steady pace. For a while, they kissed and panted against each other's necks. Then, Tav let go of him, placed her arms behind her and leaned back. The druid groaned and kissed her sternum. Moaning, Tav lolled her head back.

"You're beautiful as always, my heart," Halsin told her. "And it fills me with immeasurable joy to know that you wear my bite mark with such pride. I love you, more than you can imaging."

"I love you too, Halsin," Tav panted.

She pulled him closer with one arm to kiss him again. He happily complied and started to rub her pubic mound with his talented fingers. The bard mewled, clenching around him and making him groan. He spilled into her while moaning into her mouth. She followed him over the edge noisily and tightened her powerful legs around him. Halsin loved it and would have happily died between those muscular thighs, Oak Father, preserve him.

"Get a room, you filthy animals, Gods!" Astarion grinned, leaning against the doorframe while watching them shamelessly as they were basking in the afterglow of their orgasm.

The addressed snickered, slightly embarrassed that they were caught in the act. The vampire spawn's smirk turned into a soft smile when he said: "So, our druid has returned and the issues are resolved, I hope?"

"Yes," Tav answered and Halsin nodded against her shoulder.

"Wonderful," sighed Astarion. "Now, we can only hope that our darling bard won't sulk anymore."

"I wasn't sulking, I was dealing with heartbreak."

"Same thing, darling, same thing. Goodnight, sweet dreams," lilted Astarion and twirled around. "Oh, and druid? Don't think you can get away without an explanation. Shadowheart cried her eyes out as well, but presented herself strongly for Tav's sake."

With a shit-earing grin on his face and a nonchalant wave, the vampire spawn made his way to the living room. Halsin groaned conscience-smitten.

"I'm sorry I caused such a ruckus. I guess I can't avoid explaining myself. The others will eat me alive."

"They love you," Tav replied, stroking his hair. "They'll only eat you in the bedroom."

At that, Halsin chuckled and warmth bloomed in his chest. He and Tav freshened up in the bathroom and then, walked to the bedchamber. The cleric and the wizard had moved in their sleep, basically resting in each other's arms. Carefully, Halsin climbed into the bed and spooned up behind Shadowheart, wrapping an arm around her middle and pulling her close, while Tav snuggled up against his back.

"I love you," she mumbled, kissing his shoulder.

The druid smiled sleepily.

"I love you too."

Shortly after, Astarion joined them too. He slipped in behind Gale and rested his head against his back. He took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of lavender soap, and smiled.

"Halsin? Please, use your elf brain next time and not your bear brain," Astarion told the other man. "Let’s not cause any more heartache and misery."

"Yes," the druid agreed. "I'm sorry."

"I know," remarked the vampire spawn. "Let’s just make our lovers happy, shall we? And in the process, we'll make ourselves happy too."

Halsin hummed, smiling.

"You belong here, you know? You're family. So, don't just run off. – I never thought I have to tell you this, but here we are; we love you, Halsin."

Swallowing thickly, the druid nodded.

"I love you too," he croaked out, close to tears again.

"Rest now, druid. It's good you're home."

"Thank you, little vampire. I'm happy to be back."

Astarion hummed, snuggling up closer to Gale who sighed happily in his sleep. Halsin closed his eyes again, willing his body into relaxation. He felt warm and comfortable with Shadowheart in his arms and Tav at his back. Astarion was right; it was good to be home.

[subjectivemortality]

15: Have any pets?

Several! I'm one of those people that considers them my children (and I suppose for the most part we did make them so?)

Henri, of course. I remember naming him, laying in the garden for hours until he was brave enough to come say hello - he was tiny back then. I don't think I'd categorize him as a pet, exactly, but I'd be remiss not to include him.

The button quails - Tolya named the original three that I based the others off of, so there's Bottle Captain, Vitruvian Man Two, and Cheez Whizzard (my phone is constantly autocorrecting it to Cheese but I assure you it is Cheez). There are 21 quails in total, seven of each series and the naming trend just follow along with the original three. Vitruvian Man 3-8 are easy enough to remember. The BC series consists of Trashcan Corporal/Cancan, Jar Admiral, Teacup Lieutenant, To-Go Container Colonel, Quart-Cup Private, and of course The General. The Cheez Whizzard series has been more difficult to name because Tolya is better with puns than I am so mostly I just steal ideas from comments they make when I'm trying to make lunch: Grilled Cheesus (Cheesus Christ also works), Chief Boyardee, Ham Burglar (unaffiliated), K-Poptart, Avo Gato, and Peanut Butler. I don't play favorites, of course, but The General and Chief Boyardee like me the best I think.

I have several animals that I've made living at the temple, the residents typically name and care for them though.

Oh! He's not mine anymore but I had a pygmy jerboa named Vincent for quite a long time, he's Antoine's traveling companion now, helping ferry the dead. Apparently he gets lots of compliments, as he should.

[the-void-writes]

Kevin!! (sorry if this is a lot lol)

🩹💯🔺🌈🎄🐷🍃🍎❤️💔💙💜🤔

IT’S NOT A LOT, DON’T WORRY 🥹💖 THANK YOU AGAIN

Some images of Kevin. Credit to Naylissah and Wervty for the picrews.

TW for mentions of child abuse under the cut (it’s not described in detail)

🩹 Does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

Kevin’s eyesight is incredibly poor ever since his mother’s abuse. His eyes are permanently scarred and damaged, though Vesely’s doctors have tried their best to fix it. He has to wear protective goggles and glasses because bright lights give him aggressive headaches.

💯 Share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

Kevin jokingly flirts with his friends, but he also has a small crush on Will that he won’t act on because he knows that boy is shy to affection and already likes someone else.

The reason Kevin dyes the tips of his hair hot pink is so he doesn’t look at himself in the mirror and see his mother.

He drinks a ton of coffee, mostly iced, because he has insomnia from his fear of waking up in his old house.

🔺 Does your oc know how to use any weapons?

He mostly uses his own momentum to fight. Rio teaches him how to use his arms as a whip.

🌈 What is your oc's sexual orientation/gender identity? What pronouns do they use?

Kevin is proudly pansexual and makes sure that everyone knows he isn’t picky. He uses “he/him” pronouns, but he doesn’t mind being called “they/them” either.

🎄 What is your oc's favorite holiday?

Christmas, for the music and the food, and because he gets to decorate his friends’ dorm and make it feel like a home. He never realized that kids got gifts on Christmas until he started staying with his friends, and now he’s excited to give things.

🐷 What is your oc's favorite animal?

It’s pigs, specifically teacup pigs. Riley always asks Kevin how someone as “flashy and fabulous” as him could love such a messy animal, and Kevin gets so offended.

Long ago, I actually gave him a pet pig. He called it Ham Solo.

🍃 What is/was your oc's favorite subject in school?

Kevin’s favorite class was an elective drama course he had for a year. He loves performing for people and having their positive attention, in an art form where he’s separated by a stage and no one can run up and hurt him.

🍎 Where was your oc born? Do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? How do they feel about their birthplace?

Kevin was born in Preston, on the outskirts of the main town and suburbs. He acts like he doesn’t care about his old home, but deep down, he’s terrified of the mere idea of going back there. He wouldn’t calm down for his first few weeks of training until Jason swore to him that he wouldn’t return to his parents.

❤️ What are three of your oc's positive traits?

Kevin may act like he enjoys being the center of attention, but he’s actually more humble than people give him credit for. He makes sure his friends get their due respect during training, and even when he brags about his own training, it’s never at someone else’s expense. His loyalty to his friends is limitless.

His personal goal is to make his friends smile and laugh. Whatever they need or want, he’ll do it for them, even if it’s just making himself look like a fool.

Kevin is very patient and understanding. He’ll listen to anyone, no matter how long they take to speak or if they struggle to express themselves. He refuses to make anyone feel dumb or useless.

💔 What are three of your oc's negative traits?

Kevin tends to joke around a little too much. He won’t take certain training exercises seriously, and it ends up getting him hurt.

On that note, Kevin doesn’t care if he injured himself. He thinks he’s indestructible so he charges headfirst into a problem, and he also just has little regard for his own health because he’s been taught to feel insignificant.

Every so often, his aggressive self-loathing comes through. He’ll say the most horrible things about himself when he no longer has the energy to smile through the pain.

💙 Does your oc have any cool/special powers and/or abilities? how are they with magic, if it exists in their world?

The Freak genes that Kevin was born with basically gave his skin and bones rubber-like qualities. He can stretch and squish himself however he sees fit, like how an octopus can squeeze itself through a hole. The further out he stretches, though, the more vulnerable that area is to snapping.

💜 What is your oc's ancestry/genetic background?

Kevin is the only son of the Mallory family. His parents could barely afford their house and food. When Kevin’s powers developed, his mother punished him for it in the cruelest ways possible, nearly blinding her son as a result. His father sat idly by, not lifting a finger to help him. The neighbors were the ones to call the police, and that’s how Vesely heard about him. Jason was the one to bring him in, and he became an important parental figure to Kevin.

Eventually, Kevin gets adopted by a wealthy family, the Valentinas. They’re absolutely guilty of spoiling their new son, but he deserves it after the hell he’s been through.

🤔 What are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

When Kevin is bored, he’ll often stretch and bounce his arm like a yo-yo. If no one else is around, he’ll wrap his arms around himself in a big snake-like hug.

I’m not sure if it counts, but when he laughs at something, it’s a full-on hyena cackle. There is no quiet mode for him when it comes to jokes.

[wolfiery]

writing patterns: first lines

~~~ Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

ahh, thank you for tagging me, @emryses ! i haven't been writing much these days but this still seemed really fun and interesting to do! continuing the format steal from mona, because it also pleased my brain LOL

Arthur freezes when the sound of glass shatters. fluke [merlin | merthur]

It’s hidden here, marooned from morality. i'm at the end of the world with you [merlin | merthur]

There had a been a tunnel-like staircase to get into the basement; the wooden bar nearly felt damp from all the lingering smoke within, the brown-bagged bottles and teacups on the table were left behind with an obliviousness of impermanence. ne me quitte pas [merlin | merthur]

“I used to be the glue. The man with a plan." sandglue [ teen wolf | sterek]

Merlin's mind is groggy, but he's been here before. aiming for heaven above (an angel ain't what i need) [merlin | merthur]

Merlin sags defeatedly at the mess on the table, silver platters heaped with torn-up bread and half-eaten ham, forgotten about as the patrons inevitably gave way to drink and dance instead. i know what hands are for (and i'd like to help myself) [merlin | merthur]

There’s a heat wave in Hawkins, a vicious temperature spike in the air that’s made its way into Steve’s hair, now falling flatter than usual since not even Farah Fawcett hairspray could withstand the agony of a hundred degrees. these are the dreams we should be having [stranger things | steddie]

It's a heavy feeling when moonlight doesn't creep in through the white blinds on the window; instead a blurred streetlight does, barely illuminating the coarse, white carpet. carried my cross of shame [teen wolf | sterek]

Nick shuts his bedroom door with an utterly prolonged sigh, his hand frozen on the doorknob as he takes in the massive conversation he just had with his mum. i wanna feel them all [heartstopper | nick/charlie]

They say that she’s out of touch with her people. midnight strikes (not posted yet but i've been working on it for 2 years so it's getting a mention) [merlin | guinevere/oc & merthur]

apparently i do have some love for a semi-colon. absolutely no pressure! @insane-ohwhyfandoms @tansyuduri @idyllic-idioms @fictivecircle @lesbianlefay