#tbh this has happened at least once before and i still really wanna ask them like

[izzy-b-hands]

Reminder that if the first thing I see on a blog new to following me are even vaguely positive posts abt h*rry p*tter, I'm gonna assume ur a t/erf/transphobic and immediately block u

Shout-out to the person this morning who liked one of my fics on here, followed me, then when i went to their blog literally the only post was something abt h p. Had me really excited (new person reading!) then really sad (they're most likely a transphobe) in the space of less than a minute before I blocked them. Hence this reminder that tbh I really didn't think I'd ever need to make but. Here we are.

(said as someone who read the books as a kid and at the time did v much have them as a big part of my life so like. I see the angle of nostalgia/rose tinted lenses that many claim, but the thing is that joanne is a piece of shit who wants ppl like me dead so fuck nostalgia, fuck her, fuck her books, there are far better authors and books out there to read/support/make a major part of ur life if ur so inclined.)

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom family :) We're finally back to new eps. I wasn't ready for this episode in the least. Idk I was ever gonna be ready tbh. If this isn’t the most apt ep name ever following the last ep. Bare with me as I once again sort through my thoughts and such. I'm really struggling with the 'mini' portion of these reviews the last few eps.

Ain't nothing mini about my emotions haha But I am sure come summer they'll be more refined for sure. Also thank you to anyone who reads these thoughts and enjoys them. It's still a trip to me people appreciate my thoughts. I just want to be a ray of sunshine and positivity with these.

A source of comfort while we all go through this together. Cause that's the beauty of fandom. Going through it together. Once again wanna preface there will be ZERO tolerance for bashing of any kind. They are both going through it right now. We all love these characters so much its why we're on here. I love conversation and comments but not spreading hate. With that in mind let's start eh?

6x07 Crushed

Tamara moving out still..... Ugh. I’m so sad about this. Truly the end of an era right here everyone. Also Lucy not wearing her necklace gut punch already to my feels...Poor Lucy wants her to stay but would never ask Tamara to do that. I wanna cry already for Lucy....I hate her necklace being missing and it's very obvious it's missing. *sad sigh*

I do love Lucy taking Tamara out to fancy dinner least. Channeling her emotions into something positive. Wanting to love on her before she goes. Tamara mentioning Tim getting kicked out of Metro…She isn’t wrong it is down hill after the pinnacle of Lucy indeed. Trying to give her a compliment but Lucy isn't taking it that way. I wanna cry for a second time. She looks so distressed. *sigh* Two massive pillars in her life are now gone and it's felt in this brief moment.

Tim in his old Metro office disassembling it. My heart. You all know how much I loved him In Metro. Killing me. Also just shows how much of a nose dive he took after this Ray debacle. Grey seeing this and sighing before going in after him. Tim seems like he’s in robot mode when Wade enters. Saying all the things he thinks Grey wants to hear since he’s back. No real emotion behind it. Just the grunt mentality he thinks he should have.

Gonna be more than just his trust you’re gonna need to earn back my love….Love Wade having him to ride along with Dr. London. Anyone needs it our boy does right now. Of course Tim bites back on this idea why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t be Tim if he didn’t. Tim saying breaking up with Lucy has nothing to do with the Ray situation. Uh... it has everything to do with that my love EVERYTHING.

Grey standing his ground saying if he wants to regain his trust this is where it starts. I love him saying breaking up with Lucy and being bounced back to patrol due to being reckless makes him question his judgement. As it should…You forget Timothy this man watched you grow with Lucy for years. Saw how much she made you grew and joy she brought out in you. Of course he is questioning your actions. He just watched you throw away the best thing ever that's ever happened to you. Your judgement is being judged severely....

I adore Wade Grey. He's not only putting Tim in his place and saying he could mandate therapy (which he would be justified in doing...) Or take the ride along. Then saying he’s taking Lucy out too. Just so he knows he is looking out for them both in this moment. The man knows what he is doing.

I can’t believe Smitty doing breakup odds. I’m incensed by this tbh. Also I want punch the dude who said Tim would’ve cheated. He would NEVER. How very dare you. I hate that list. It makes me wanna rage out so hard. If any of them knew them at all they’d know it would never be something like that. Also her and Aaron? Ewww no no no.... Lucy had every right to ream Smitty out more than she did. So inappropriate it's insane. For shame sir truly.

I'm glad she shut it down. Last thing they need is the station gossiping about them like this. They're going to anyways but Ugh I hate this whole thing. I feel sick. Of course she runs into Tim right after.... Worst timing ever. Breaks my heart because he still is excited to see her but she isn't ready for him. How could she be? He looks so sad. But Tim what are you expecting my love? No way she is ready to be near you let alone talk. This hurts to watch…Lucy trying so hard just not to have a meltdown right there in the station.

I was very excited for him to have this ride along I will say and this opening scene is why. Dr London on his ass already. I love it. As she should be. Saying he’s bringing Aaron as a buffer. Which he is… Classic avoidance attachment style. That’s our boy. She’s not wrong he prefers surface level relationships (other than Lucy...) to a deep intimacy. His default state with anyone who isn't his girl.

She has him dead to rights already. Saying it’s a defense mechanism when someone is raised by an overly strict or domineering parent. A father. She’s not wrong. We all know his history. Tim of course isn’t about this whatsoever only making her assessment about him even more valid. Their scenes starting off real strong.

Grey wanting to check in on Lucy I do love it. He’s not wrong she’s been through HELL this year. The detectives exam, Jeff Budney and now losing Tim. God this hasn’t been an easy season for her. To say she's going through it is the understatement of the century. I'm hurting for her so very much. Her entire world has been rocked to it's very core in the last week alone. Not mention everything else before this.

It’s so awkward Lucy inviting everyone but Tim to Tamara’s going away dinner…. In front of Dr. London too. That shot from Tim’s body cam seems very intentional. As he looks at everyone she’s inviting but him. Way his head goes back and forth. Grey patting Tim on the arm on the way out. *phew* Rough start to the shift.

Of course their first call is disturbingly close to what she and Tim are dealing with. Not exactly what Lucy needs. Hearing this woman talking about thinking he was the one then it just ended. *heart clutch* Crushed is an apt name for how I was feeling during this episode.

Lucy has clearly kept this all inside for too long with her reaction to the situation. Wade would never set you up like that. Just shows how hyper sensitive she is atm. Why he's doing this ride along with her. He wants to keep you sane not crazy. I wanna hug her so much. 'I do watch too much reality tv. It's my bad' Lmao. Needed a little levity. This made me chuckle.

We hit the ground running about breakups with Dr. London. Honestly no need to beat around the bush for this observation of Tim. ‘Breakups are a trigger for many men. Especially since stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking out help. For fear of appearing weak.’ If that isn’t Tim and this entire situation right now…

Hell that's his ENTIRE life. He was shamed into never wanting help and if he did he was meant to feel weak for it. Just like she is stating above. She is very good at her job and just getting started. Tim can't hide in any of his normal brush off statements. Which I love. She has him pegged already and it shows. Quite the opening jab from her to start this off.

Lucy looks on verge of tears at all times right now and I’m dying. Especially when Grey brings up his name. Asking if they’ve talked since the breakup? Melissa straight killing me in this shop right now everyone. Those pre tears.....Saying she thought he didn’t care about her personal life. He’s not wrong if it affects her job it does matter. The point of this ride-along. To gauge where she is currently.

‘Smart to make the connection between IA and them breaking up. ‘Just a bad week.’ Oh its so much more than that…. Lucy protects him of course with the unethical portion. Bad place or not she's not going to cast any suspicion with that. But It’s so very clear she is painfully unaware why he did this to her. To them.

Only that he’s not emotionally available to her. *sigh* This is true. The man is a disaster zone atm. I mean he’s definitely occupied mentally in a way she doesn’t understand yet. Hell I don’t even think Tim understands it really. All he knows is he think's he's toxic and she’s better off without him. Which is a huge part of this episode tbh.

So she isn't wrong he is not emotionally available right now. That much is painfully true. The joke about the Diamondbacks was funny but sad at the same time. They found good way of getting little funnies in there with Grey. I do appreciate that. I'm a sports girl so I this made me smile.

Dr London really coming at Tim in this next section. She is wasting ZERO time with him. ‘Lot of romantic feelings start out as platonic love.’ Going right for it when she says he and Lucy were friends first right? His reaction…Gonna makes me bawl Eric. Hurts to watch this. Looks like he wants to cry. Ugh Tim. Killing me softly. She is getting under his skin quicker than he was expecting and you can tell. Hitting at a very raw nerve he's trying to keep hidden. He looks so distraught and emotional when he replies 'I was her T.O.'

Tim saying he’s not depressed. Oh my love….but you are. Depressed and wracked with a massive amount of guilt. ‘I broke up with her.’ So so defensive. Can’t let good doctor see this whole thing is crushing him. That would be weakness. He is fighting off a panic attack in this moment. So unsettled by this entire interaction. She is picking up on that guilt that is all but exuding out of him in this moment.

She really brings it home saying internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. Self harm and suicide. If that isn't Tim Bradford my god. The self directed anger is him in spades. His face while she tells him all this.. Oh my lord. She has him dead to rights once again. He is experiencing so much guilt about it and it’s written all over his face. Tim is barely keeping it together while she is telling him stonewalling will only get him sidelined. Honestly I’m glad she’s confronting him like this. Coming at him so hard cause Tim needs that especially right now.

He can’t have passive people in this life when it comes to this kind of stuff. The one person who could knock sense into him he’s pushed away. So Dr. London being here is much needed. Of course Tim snaps at Aaron cause he can’t handle what he’s currently going through. Lashing out because what she is saying to him is true and he isn't able to handle it. Hitting very close to home. So he's defaulting back to S1 Tim in this moment. Destroying Aaron in the process..

I love them talking about Tamara and the unconditional love Lucy has shown her. It’s so true. It’s that love that gave her courage to leave. Even though it's hard to watch happen. It shows what accepting unconditional love can do for you. Lucy bringing back to Tim because how could she not? Mentioning about letting people go even if you really care about them them. *sigh*. You can tell she is on the verge of tears once again.

That feeling where you've been keeping it inside for far too long. It comes out in anything you talk about. Like right now in this moment. Even talking about Tamara is cycling back to Tim and it shows how deeply upset she is. How could she not be? She is losing two of her people in one fail swoop. It's a miracle she hadn't lost it sooner than this moment tbh.

Lucy crushing me some more in this episode. Further proving she has zero idea why Tim did what he did. How he could let go so easily. It was a blindside for us all but none more than for her. His person. The one who never ever expected him to leave her side. Tim did leave her with a cheap cliche nonsense about deserving better. It's so much complex than that but I can see why she is so angry about that. She deserved better than that.

It’s what upset her so much in that 6x06 scene. Because it felt like a cop out to her. When it’s so much deeper than that but Lucy doesn’t know that. Thats what killing me and her. Lucy going off saying it was her decision to make what she deserves. It’s true. She is so justified in saying this. Sadly Tim made that decision despite her willingness to love him no matter what.

Took away her choice to keep him even if he felt he wasn't worthy. Wasn't just HIS choice to make. That's what pissing her off and rightfully so. He doesn’t understand the unconditional love she had to give him or how to accept it. All he could see was how much better she was without him. All she wants is a real conversation with him and she didn't get to have that. He took the choice away from her and she's left holding the emotional bag of it all and it sucks.

Punches keep rolling with Dr London. Attacking his problem at it's damaged root. As much as he is trying to bury it he cannot hide from her and her assessment of him. This is a huge turning point in the ep. Tim saying he owns his mistakes and moves on. So cut and dry and she isn’t having ANY of it. Nor should she. He hasn’t moved on in the slightest. Once again pegging him for not only not being over it but having his whole identity being wrapped up in acting honorably. If he was past that he wouldn’t have ended things with Lucy. We wouldn't be here. But he feels not worthy and not honorable enough for Lucy so he cut ties.

Her noting it’s had a devastating effect on his self esteem. Which is why he is punishing himself. i.e He let the love of his life go. He feels he doesn’t deserve such things for being so un-honorable. My broken boy. Tim isn’t sure what’s she is getting at. Asking what she's talking about? She continues to portray him accurately. That he is punishing himself by depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. Or someone....Clearly that someone being Lucy.

The joy she brought to his life he no longer feels he deserves. Lucy was the one constant in his life that made him happy. So he’s depriving himself of it in order to punish himself. This sounds so harsh and severe but I relate to this. When I was new at my current job. I wasn’t very good at first. I was down right on the verge of being fired. I got a game plan to fix myself from my leader. BUT I was punishing myself for not being good enough in the first place. How did I do this? I took away something I loved and brought me joy. Music.

I refused to listen to music during my job because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy it till I was better and had earned it back. I got to a place where I let myself have something I loved back and it helped so much and ultimately got me through it. So I relate to Tim doing this to himself i really do. He is denying the one person who brings him joy because of that self-punishment. He feels he has failed who he should be therefore he can't have what he wants and needs most. Lucy. You can really see it hit Tim by time Aaron rejoins them. She hit the nail on the head and Tim is feeling it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo SO MUCH. Ugh my heart. Her grounding method to remind herself she's a survivor. The problem with all that is him being the reason for that reminder. Which just hurts. I'm not crying you are....Tim so out of his depth all he can do is be awkward with his ‘Clocking out?’ Babe....No...(Also I feel personally attacked by this song they chose for this scene.)

Lucy calling him out for it instantly. Because well she’s his person. Bad place or not she is always gonna tell him what he needs to hear. Won't let him hide behind niceties. Confronting that things aren't ok between them and she won't let him use it to hide. Asking for a real adult conversation with him. One which he is NOT ready for. This hurt to watch not gonna lie. This whole situation hurts.

Tim deflects….with another cheap answer of saying he can’t give her what she wants. Ugh. You are everything she wants you foolish man. I don’t blame Lucy for cutting that convo off at the knees. She wanted more depth from him and got nothing in return. Telling him he has more to figure out than she realized…and feeling like she is no longer than person to help him with that.

My heart is breaking all over again… Lucy always felt she was his person to get him through anything and to hear this only hurts her further. Coming to that realization and taking off because of it. The song running through this scene is poignant and hurtful…Also the continual clutching to her tattoo as she departs from him. I'll just be weeping in the corner don't mind me....

I wasn't expecting the scene we got here in Grey's office. But was so pleasantly surprised. My hope was that Dr. London broke through to him. That his ride along with her wouldn't be a one-off. I’m so proud of Tim I can't even tell you. To not only see he has work to do but to ask if he could start seeing her as a patient. He seemed disappointed she didn't mandate sessions. Which he needed so he could advocate for himself. Blair had pegged him early on and I think this will be so so good for him.

His healing journey is starting now and I’m so excited for him. Even though my heart is outside my chest right now for our couple. This is going to be good for Tim. I know people have been weird about Dr London. I haven’t gotten a bad feeling from her. I could be wrong but haven't gotten that. I think this is the healing Eric was talking about. That journey he needs to be in order to find his way back to Lucy. Grey's line was perfect. It's SO hard to ask for help. Tim can see something is wrong and wants to fix it. This is a beautiful start to this journey for him.

This final scene with Tamara and Lucy made me cry. This whole ep has made me cry really. Their relationship has always been one of my favorites. To watch how they’ve both grown. How Tamara learned to trust again and receive that unconditional love Lucy had to give. Gah I love it so much. Took a broken untrusting girl and molded her into a confident bad ass. I've never been able to classify what they are. They're sisters, friends and family all wrapped up in one.

Hard to watch Lucy lose this piece of her life on top of everything else. Tim may have a lot of growth to do but I think Lucy too has room to grow from this all as well. She has been given quite the bad hand in this season. Maybe she can get some direction and clarity what she wants to do with career and such. I hate that she has to be the collateral damage to everything this year. It's hard to watch. But I am interested to see how she handles it all. See how she stands after all this. I think as hard as this is will end up making her more resilient.

Lucy been struggling with her own stuff this year as well. Being so good about pegging everyone around her but being blind in her own self awareness. it's going to be interesting to see how Lucy handles everything moving forward. I hope you all know how deeply my heart breaks for her. I don't like seeing her hurt anymore than I do Tim. I wanted to cry for her most of this episode. That being said I do think this growth journey will be good for her as well. Like Eric said she'll be ok they'll grow stronger from it. Can't wait to see how it plays out.

I wasn’t expecting one more scene with him reaching out like this. Telling her she was right. He’s mad himself. That stark realization that is coming over him. My god I’m so proud of him I could burst. Not only advocating for himself but telling her it was an emergency. When everything inside him is trying to do the 'honorable thing' and not call it an emergency when it is. To see he's not being a burden by reaching out like this. It’s so hard to take care of yourself when you don’t think much of yourself. It’s a foreign feeling and to act on it even more so.

Learning it’s ok to ask for help, to be imperfect, to set healthy boundaries and grow. Not an easy place to get to. This scene is HUGE for Tim. Now I mean this in the nicest way I can muster but If you can't grasp how groundbreaking this is for him you don't get him as a character at all. Nor do you understand the gravity of this SL/situation. Of what this final scene represents for him. Tim is seeing something is broken within himself and he doesn't know how to fix it. All he knows is something is wrong and he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. He wants to understand why and to get better.

I know I spent most of my 20's running away from therapy. Saying I didn't need it. That it was non sense. Pushing everything down and deflecting like Tim did. Wrapping my identity in the same things. Being SO DAMN HARD on myself. I still struggle with this but learning to give myself more grace. I can't properly explain the feeling you get when you realize you can't out run your demons anymore. What sets off something inside you that says 'I don't feel right, I don't know how to fix it but I know it's time to.' All I know is what sets it off is different for everyone.

For me it was the fact that I was set off by a kind comment. It was from a sweet lady who was a client of mine. Who commented on earrings my mother had gotten me. I hadn't thought much of it then she looked me in the eye with so much sincerity and said 'Your mother must love you very much.' That comment just hit me so hard. Triggered me. Cause some of my deepest seated trauma comes from my mom. I remember getting in my car and crying after. Texting my sister and telling her I thought it was time I got help. All I knew was something was wrong and it was clawing to the surface and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

That's Tim in this moment. Ray resurfacing was his demons coming up for air and not going away. This is his 'Come to Jesus.' moment about himself. Knowing what Dr. London was telling him today rang true. He just doesn't know to handle it and is reaching out for help to sort it out. Now He couldn’t gotten to this place without Lucy let’s not forget that. Tim wouldn't be in the place he is without her. BUT this is not Lucy's responsibility to fix. Nor should it be. As much as we love her being his person, this is Tim journey to go on.

Now my family/friends got me to place where I could see I needed help. Just like Lucy has for Tim. But it was up to me to take the first step. That's what this scene represents for him. His first step on his journey to healing himself. He knows he has work to do and I know he'll do it. He and I are alike and he will put his all into this. I'm excited the writers did what they did in this ep. Shows they're going to put the proper care into this SL. I can see a pathway way to their healing now and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in three weeks. I'm excited to see where the rest of the season goes for them both I really am. As always thank you for any likes, comments or reblogs I get for these they mean the world.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford. Mostly lol

I like the idea of Celina moving in but she’s not wrong it would be an emotional minefield… but do love the idea of her living Lucy I don’t want her to be alone. Have one little win for her.

This was the song during that finale scene. Thank you D to finding the link above. it's Chenford Personified in this ep. Once again whoever is doing this songs. You need a damn raise this hurt so good. The lyrics were so Poignant and painful. These one were my fav. 'I miss you. I miss you. I’ll always forgive you."

She will forgive Tim because that's who Lucy is. One of the many reasons Tim fell in love with her. That never ending desire to trust people and forgive them. To see the best in them. She will look at the deeper meaning of his actions and help him past them once he gets there himself. He will have to earn that forgiveness of hers and I have no doubt he will.

This will be a process of that I have no doubt. It won't be quick or easy but my god it'll be worth it. They always are. I don't expect this to be resolved by seasons end but I do expect them to be on their way there by the finale. This is a beautiful growth journey they're about to embark on and I'm ready to go on it.

[cheshiresense]

Hi Cheshire! Thank you so much for the Yuzu snippet! It was SO great. I LOVE how fucked up the Kurosaki family is (wonder what Isshin thinks of this? We saw a glimpse but like... Is he an outsider and tolerated because he's the Only Adult Around?). I! LOVE! Poison!Yuzu! It's so great, makes so much sense. Also the easy way everybody was like "Ah, yes, OF COURSE the bowls are poisoned." So Neat. So Fucked Up. Being real I came for the ShinIchi but the UraShinIchi is The Best Trio and I am SO here for it. The fact Ichigo has NO idea he likes Urahara? Amazing. The fact that Shinji is SO LONG the favorite? ALSO amazing. Usuallly with the trio it's almost always the other way around or UraShin incorporating Ichigo later, so It'd be nice to see how this mechanic develops.

I also love "Mizuiro-niisan." Cute and terrifying. I wanna know what you have prepared regarding Mizuiro, he was always one of the most fascinating characters in Bleach taht wasn't 'part of the plot' so to speak (c'mon, dude knows how to make a fucking Pipe Bomb and has a harem of older women. There's A Story. (Also does he still have the 'harem' here or...?))

Anyway thank you for the chapter

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! Lol Isshin is very much the outsider to his own family after Ichigo neutralized him, they're basically like two strangers who happen to live in the same house, and even then, Ichigo went and got his own apartment once he had the contacts for it. I wouldn't say he set out to alienate his sisters from Isshin, so long as Isshin wasn't hitting them too, he doesn't really care what their relationship is like, but considering Ichigo's also been pretty much raising them single-handedly for the past 6+ years, they're bound to learn from him when it comes to Isshin too. Plus they do remember the way Isshin used to smack Ichigo around before Ichigo put a stop to it. So anyway, the twins still talk to Isshin and let him be his loud dramatic self around them but there isn't really any love coming from their end when it comes down to it, and they live with their brother at the apartment half the time anyway. As for Ichigo, he actually doesn't hate Isshin or anything either after the man left him to his own devices and doesn't bother him anymore. And yeah, the fact that he's the nominal adult of the house is still useful since Ichigo's still underage. It's just that he also very much wouldn't care if Isshin kicked the bucket tomorrow.

The Urahara/Ichigo/Shinji is also a surprise to me lol. Tbh, I didn't really have a ship in mind when I first started this AU, but UraIchi is my otp so naturally if there is a ship, I'd go for that. But then I wrote Shinji, and suddenly ShinIchi became a lot more probable, and then I wrote the Yuzu POV and Urahara elbowed his way back into the race. So the most likely ship now would be UraIchiShin lol.

The UraIchi dynamic actually turned out pretty interesting in this 'verse cuz this Ichigo is the type to get rid of anything that irritates him. If it's annoying and cuts into his time, he's not the sort to put up with it. And yeah, Kisuke's strong enough with enough connections that if Ichigo wanted to off him or even just threaten him like he did Isshin, it would be really difficult at the moment, but at the very least, he'd still work towards it, and he wouldn't spend any time with the guy. But here he is inviting him over for dinner and letting him properly meet the twins and just generally tolerating his presence, something he's never done with anyone else before, and it's a toss-up whether he's even really aware of the exception he's making. And on Kisuke's part, he doesn't know Ichigo well enough yet to realize how much leeway Ichigo's given him.

This Ichigo is just Grudgingly Fascinatedᵀᴹ by this cryptic bastard making his life a lot more complicated than he'd like, but is also strong and smart and offered his life up on a platter the moment Ichigo asked for it like it's tradeable currency so whatever he wants Ichigo to do in exchange has to be something even Urahara can't do himself, and Ichigo has just enough curiosity for that to add to the fascination pile just as much as it adds to the annoying asshole pile. Meanwhile, Shinji's just chilling with his poison rice, and Sakanade thinks Ichigo is yum with an adorable kitten for a sister. TLDR they're a trainwreck in the making but a pretty entertaining one.

I'm not sure what I really want to do with Mizuiro here yet but I'm definitely giving him a powerup in the future, he's Ichigo's best friend here, as much as Ichigo or even Mizuiro can have friends, and Mizuiro is absolutely ride or die enough to invade Soul Society with him. Plus I'd like to see what I can do with a character who's not exactly a frontline fighter but not a healer either like Ichigo's canon friends.

[laurrelise]

saw your tua post about five i dont go here but i need to know did they pull an incest again. is that why everyones mad or did the ship just suck

ok so i’m assuming you’re talking about season 4!! i’ll leave this part very vague and spoiler free and if you don’t mind more specific spoilers (only about the ship, not about the actual end of the season) than check under the cut! :)

ok so not incest this time. the ship just reeeeeally sucks because it’s not only out of character but it ruined multiple arcs and relationships.

unhinged angry explanation of my least favorite part about season 4 below the cut!! (beware: yapping)

ok hi again! so five and lila get together. they fall for each other after they get stuck between timelines in this alternate dimension subway station thing, and they spend 7 years trying to find their way back home.

it turns out that lila was only doing it to survive because she needed something to hold onto while five, having been through this once before, had fallen head over heels for her.

he withholds information that can take them home for 6 months and lila is pissed and tells him it wasn’t real because she wants to get home to diego and her children, and five tells her that she knows she’s happier between timelines with him, blah blah blah it’s a whole thing.

five reluctantly goes back with lila and it’s really awkward and he’s pissed at diego (even though it was LITERALLY NEVER HIS FAULT) because lila is clearly still in love with him. they argue a little, lila gets between them, diego suspects something’s going on and asks, and then the truth unfolds and he’s (REASONABLY) heartbroken. it’s really sad to watch tbh

anyways then the end of the world starts to happen once again and i won’t go into specific spoilers for that because it would take WAY too long but basically five and diego are beating the shit out of each other and five literally outright says “i wanna fucking kill him” and lila tells him that it’s over between them and he goes and sulks because he was truly in love blah blah blah blah blah. anyways

it ends with five and diego hating each other. and it’s really fucking frustrating. and i really don’t mind what people ship for the most part, but this specific ship pissed me the fuck off because it should NOT have been canon. in my mind it still isn’t canon because this whole season sucked ass and i refuse to accept it as real.

you’re telling me five hargreeves, the man who survived for 45+ years with the single goal to save his family gave up on them after 7 years with the only other person around because he fell for her? why the hell was this necessary? why did the writers do this bro 😭 that is not the five i spent 3 seasons absolutely cherishing. i refuse to accept it

but also you’re telling me that the entire show ends with five hating diego and diego hating him?????? this entire season was SO out of character for the both of them but i STILL can’t get over (and will absolutely NEVER get over) that the writers really thought they could get away with the hargreeves despising each other like this. so pissed about this season omfg

so not only was the ship problematic for age differences on BOTH ends (fives body was 19 but lila’s was 36ish, probably older, while fives mind was 64 while she was AGAIN 36ish???? like how did they manage to make it pedophilic on both ends bro lmfao) (and do not even get me STARTED on the age differences of the actors and the fact that this has clearly been planned since aidan was a very young minor and the writers were waiting around for him to become 18 so it would be legal like fucking creeps) but it also involved cheating / homewrecking (with family no less) as well as multiple relationships ruined. i LOVED five and diego as a duo before. why the FUCK was this necessary *i scream from the rooftops*

anyways sorry for my chronic yapping, that is all.

i hate five x lila, have a good day.

[therealjoejoemamakujo]

TF2 Mercs W/ a Sad Reader but it's My Personal Headcanons

This is very scary.. it's almost like posting an opinion on the internet.

Anyway-

The trilogy

THIS LEANS MORE TOWARDS RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS BECAUSE WELL... THEY'RE MY OWN HEADCANONS.

SCOUT:

Freaking out a little bit

Really depends on how big your meltdown is

He'll might ask if you need anything

"What can I do???"

He'll stay with you and try to cheer you up, but he can be serious about it too if you need him to.

He'd just stay close to you the whole time to make sure you're fine

DEMO:

Will also become upset even if he doesn't know why you're upset

Might just be like "☹️" as you vent because like I said, if you're upset, he's upset (trying so hard to empathize tbh)

He'd probably offer you a drink bc as I've said before, it's what he does when he's upset (it's what he does with anything, though, so..)

Will give you a hug if you need it or ask for it (gives some great ones, full stop)

He'll also stay by your side for support

HEAVY:

Heavy will sit down with you and listen to you talk about whatever's bothering you.

You have his full attention for as long as you need it

Like Demo, he'll hug you, and the hugs are always awesome (no surprise there, I mean look at him)

He'll reassure you that you'll be fine

If he has to work, he'll make sure to check up on you in between jobs

SOLDIER:

He might actually stop talking once he sees that you're genuinely upset

Don't expect complete silence because he will interject with every two words that come out of your mouth

"What?" "Why?" "I don't get it."

He's trying the best he can because he barely understands what people are saying when it's not the national anthem

Still, he will give you (very) rough pat on the head

"'Keep your chin up.' Ghandi said that. >:D"

SNIPER:

A reoccurring theme with him, but he doesn't know what to do

Wants to reach out to you so badly it's not even funny

If he actually does, then he'll just hug you while you cry, or vent, or whatever it is you might do

"You'll be a'right."

Supportiveness all around

Will drag you around with him afterwards because he doesn't wanna let you go yet

PYRO:

They will listen to you quietly, not saying a word as you speak your mind

Once they know you're finished talking, they'll reach out and hug you tightly

Also expect pats on the head

(Sorry y'all, I don't really have anything for Pyro other than this.. can't think of anything)

MEDIC:

No, he will not drop everything for you.

Sounds mean, but he's a very busy man

That being said, he fully invites you to talk to him anyway

He likes listening to you vent about anything and everything

He'll pause work every now and then to ruffle your hair or comment on something, letting you know that he's not dismissing you

If he happens to finish with his work, then he'll drop everything and hold you because he's just been dying to do so

ENGINEER:

Will feel sad to see you upset

He'll try to finish his work as quick as he can so that he can talk and listen to you

He'll put his hand on your arm or thigh and just rub it reassuringly to calm you down

He'd also look you in the eyes the whole time so that you know he's listening (someone get him brown contacts now)

Once your finished speaking, he'll pull you in for a hug and stroke your hair

SPY:

I imagine he would pull you aside if he sees you're upset, not wanting to bring light to it in front of everyone else

He'll then sit you down and listen to you talk (probably after prying it out of you)

Will nod every once in a while to show he's listening, and he'll also make eye contact or at least keep his focus on you the whole time

He'd offer advice on things depending on what you're talking about

Afterwards, he might offer to let you stay with him in his smoking room, just so you can be with him

(Not even sure if I agree with myself on some of these, I sometimes can't remember what I think of them smh)

[viperwhispered]

hi hi ner!! for the ask game for jamemi :0

1 - Who fell first? Who fell harder? 23 - Who said "I love you" first?

Ty for the ask Ian! ❤️ I had vague ideas for these, but it was fun to think about these more in detail

1 - Who fell first? Who fell harder?

…The nerd that I am, I had to make a graph for this (pretty sure I already alluded to something like this somewhere when talking about these two).

Like, it’s not super exact, especially on the y-axis, because it’s not like this is that quantifiable, but it gets the idea and the general trends across.

0 here stands for a completely neutral opinion, above zero is positive feelings / opinions and below zero negative ones.

I feel like this illustrates their different journeys with their feelings quite nicely. (Oof, that drop and gap after book 4 😭)

So, for your question. Yeah, Jamil totally fell first.

As for who fell harder, though. 🤔

Emi certainly wears her heart on her sleeve a lot more than Jamil does. She’s also more willing to risk it and take a chance with her feelings.

Then again, Jamil’s the one who’s really putting in the effort to bridge the gap between the two after book 4 - even if it may start from a more selfish motivation of doing damage control after his overblot and everything. At least, that’s what he’s gonna be telling himself, totally practical reasons.

To be honest, I do think they both fall hard, even if it’s at their own pace. Like, especially once they’re more established, they’re both gonna have those moments of “oh goodness I’m getting so much love from this person, how can I ever give as much as they deserve in return”.

Basically, it’s gonna be a total sapville for these two, at least eventually.

So I kinda wanna be a sap and say both, tbh. Really depends on what situation and what point in time we're looking at, tho.

23 - Who said "I love you" first?

Both of them seem like the sort to wait a while before going for something that intense. Emi also comes from a culture where one doesn’t use the word ‘love’ quite as easily as one would in for example (american) English. (Basically, this is me giving my experiences with Finnish versus English usage of the word love to her, since she pretty much is Finnish in my head. In Finnish, we might often still stick to using the word ‘like’ in situations where an English speaker might already talk about loving something.)

And like, from Jamil’s side, I feel like he wouldn’t jump on it too quickly either (man sure has to practice his emotional vulnerability).

Still, I kinda feel like along with the first confession of feelings, this will go to Emi, but it's probably going to be like a few months to them dating before it happens.

(ask game in question here)

Tagging @moonyasnow

If y'all wanna be tagged for Emi things, let me know!

[thatdeadaquarius]

*casually slides into asks*

The Creator having to be taught the language of Teyvat, except they don't realise that each country has their own seperate language and so they are just mixing and matching phrases from each of the languages and no one has any idea what they are saying

*slides back out of asks*

Hello hello my regular customer 💃

Before u slide out, have a cookie for the road! 🤲🍪

Ok but this would actually happen to me

Im partial to the headcanon that theres a trade language in Teyvat, but each country has their own native language, w/sub-dialects too (i think thats the word?)

Just like what u said basically, bc like what if they dont have the trade one 💀 it rlly is just diff languages and im just over here like 😃🗨👋

(Gif is u in the center trying to talk to other people on the sides lol)

Srry if uncreative or kinda a flop i am not a fountain of ideas as much as i wish to be😔🙏

This may be only funny to me...

But i did my bestest for you beloved regular <3

Also u didnt ask for this but u got it anyway LMAO <3

(sorry if i accidentally start callin u xiao pfp i couldnt find a name to call u by)

Ok but like?? Was anybody gonna tell you???

Or like r u so incomprehensible now bc youve mashed all their lingos together that they dont even recognize any of their languages anymore 😭😭???

Yall ever heard that meme sound that has like music playing in the background and its just a loop of a guy saying "..HuH?..HuH?...HuH?"

^^^Everyone else trying to understand you

..

...

.....?

WAIT A MINUTE ?!%

OH GOD OH NO PLEASEEDA@!?

I HAD THE WORST THOUGHTTT!!!!

DO U JUST SOUND LIKE A SIM TO THEM??!!!

😰😰😰😰🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲💀💀💀

CRYINGSOBBING

I CANNOT ESCAPE THIS INTRUSIVE THOUGHT PLEASE NOOOOO JDIOOALLFJSLAFQ

IM ACTUALLY LAUGHING ANDBCRINGING PLEASE -> GOD WALKS AROUND SOUNDING LIKE A SIM TO THE REST OF TEYVAT STOP

♧

Ok but so many people r trying so hard to teach u their language more fully so u can commit to one at least

(Off the top of head, Thoma, Tighnari but if u keep mixing them more and more even on accident he gets too frustrated and accepts it lmao, Amber, Ningguang she wants ur first teyvat lang. to be Liyuean so bad, Kazuha just wants to genuinely understand u and you understand them aw what a sweetheart, Ei once again a person who wants u to learn Inazuman first lol, Zhongli, Jean, Ganyu, Alhaitham but he'd be a terrible teacher i can see it now, Ayato, Ayaka, Gorou, Yae Miko just so u can actually read her novels abt you + have bragging right lol)

..

...Its not really working

Which makes sense tbh, at least to me, bc i sure as fuck couldnt initially hear a big difference between Portugese v. Spanish, Korean v. Japanese etc.

Until i like, kept hearing it over and over and finally got it

(it was easier to differentiate between them on paper than auditorily?? auditorally?!? aUDITORIALLY??!! GODAMMIT IS THAT EVEN A WORD)

.

But I could totally see their languages just all sounding really similar to you, or like, theres some bits and pieces from each lang. that mimic others (pantalones Spanish = pants English for example, and its like all u catch are the "pant" sound so ur like?? Ok so same language right? Hence the mix and match)

♤

So this happens on the daily these days,

U r still going and seeing people,

But nobody has managed to communicate to you that its all different languages lol 🤭

Like this below, happens all the time ⬇️

.

Ur having dinner w/ Kamisato clan bc ofc they wanna welcome u!! :D

And Thoma's there, and yall r at the Teahouse, Thoma just got out the hotpot (oh god🤢 ...wait is that you now, r u just like Venti saying oh Barbatos...?)

And they just started dinner but its already a problem w/ur ass LMAO

.

Thoma: "What do you want to drink Our God?"

You: "Ahfs kal aldsplease give me ahdhai?"

Thomas face just like "...😶🙁 oh no" HAHA

Ayaka trying to help him,

"Please repeat that Your Grace?" 😅

You, again lol: "I would dhkaied that aifjwe please :)"

U sound like a SIMMM TO THEMM 😭😭

.

Utter fail poor Ayaka is at a loss for once,

they're trying so hard to be polite and you havent even gotten a drink yet let alone the meal lmao,

Poor Thoma is struggling, hes just like,

"Um, uh, this one??" All worried bc now hes gotta point to the pitchers one by one until u either point or nod

AND THE REST OF THE DINNER IS JUST THAT SITUATION OVER AND OVER

U give up and just start nodding or pointing for food or napkins or drinks all like, "Oh wow my accent must be heavy today 😀🤷‍♂️"

Absolutely clueless, and they cant even figure out how to tell u lol

...

Oh god i dont wanna think about the chaos if ur also only understanding the basics of every language so not only do they not get all ur words, u dont get theirs 💀

Reminder :D = I have a ✨️poll for 100 follower celebration!✨️Yall get to choose what u wanna see me write about,✨️ Check it out!! :) ♡✨️

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds:

@karmawonders

(Feel free to tell me if u ever dont wanna be tagged anymore i wont be mad/offended :] !! )

[zroqravity]

no you are literally so right about the patreon thing though

i don't wanna be a hater on my blog so I'm gonna be on anon, but it is genuinely a stupid financial decision.

also like.

why the fuck was the update on patreon only??? if it concerns riptide, their main campaign??? like at least make a community post (they didn't have a problem making community post for merch for an exclusive campaign but they can't talk about hiatus on there??? weird)

also a thing that annoys me is the fact that they still have ads and shit on episodes, they have sponsorships. and it's not weird, every single podcast with a patreon I listen to has that (dndads, which they actually made a reference to once in an intro, naddpod) but they're the only ones that have activity on patreon and NO activity on main feed. it's weird!

and those podcasts manage to have active main campaigns while also having successful patreons! i understand that for the boys it's like a main job and so the pressure to have it pay off is high. but it's just not gonna if they move to patreon completely. it never works! I've seen people try so many times and it never works because patreon just doesn't work like that. it literally advertises itself as a place for exclusive content and it ain't exclusive if it's The Only thing that exists.

anyway I think they should have prioritized getting wanderlust out first (if they make it like the suckening I swear to fucking god I'll explode), THEN doing a patreon mini-campaign and then coming back with riptide. or better yet, posting the mini campaign along with riptide coming back to lure people in. would work on me if patreon wasn't locked away from regionally

they're just managing it all rather poorly tbh. like I get it? they're making money and I would also prioritize that shit, I understand. but at this point some of it just feel disrespectful. like posting the update on patreon of all places (not even fucking twitter???? or smth?)

anyway anyway. sorry for getting all of this off my chest in your askbox I just. most people I follow and/or am mutuals with for jrwi have patreons and i just feel like I can't complain about it. yknow? it's probably just in my head but yeah. you're so right

THE UPDATE THING YEAH I DIDNT KNOW I COULD ACTUALLY WATCH IT FOR FREE FOR QUITE A WHILE! It'd reeallllly weird to only put it on patreon especially when they have posted things of this sort on twitter in the past and at least made a community post abojt it on youtube, I can't think of exactly why they did this honestly but just the fact that they did it makes me suspicious despite there not being anything technically wrong with it and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

also they have ads enabled on patreon stuff?? Yeah that is kinda weird and something I've never thought about before. Also a big fan of dndads here, in my original repay to the ask I actually mentioned them as a podcast who uses their patreon well but decided to delete it.

PATREON IS REGEON LOCKED??!?!@ THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE NOT ONLY ARE THEY LEAVING OUT FANS RHAT DONT PAY BJT ALSO SOME THAT WOULD PAY BUT JUST HAPPEN TO LIVE IN THE WRONG PLACE??????#@ AND THESE PEOPLE WOUNDNT EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE THE UPDATE

yeah they are handedly this shit very poorly, I'm glad my asks could be somewhere for you to talk about this bc I know how frustrating this is, I'm really glad I finally got the guts to speak more about this bc its something I've had a big problem with for a while and it's really nice to see that it's not actually all in my head and I'm not just being a hater unreasonably like I tent to think i am

Sorry for the late reply, my reply to your other ask will come even later, sorry again o7

[wetbloodworm]

trying to work out blush and citrine's relationship, partly because it's a big part of blush's story and partly because i have to understand what's going on there to work out what. y'know. Happened.

i'm thinking that they both grew up in agon. they weren't friends as kids necessarily but they knew each other. i think blush was crushing on citrine from early on, but citrine barely noticed them. she was brighter and more energetic and more outgoing, and popular once they were old enough for that to be a factor, and whenever she joined the augury she got busy with her studies and training. busy with her own life and her own friends. blush was just star-eyes from the start. citrine was Cool.

they didn't get to really knowing each other until they were older. citrine became an adventurer and traveled the world while blush stayed in agon. blush started working at the shop, and their first real encounter was when citrine returned to the city and one of her artsy party members at the time wanted to stop by the shop to buy supplies. citrine is friendly and flirty, and blush was still star-eyed and excited to see her, and citrine absolutely noticed. i think she liked the attention more than anything.

stopping by the art shop became a tradition whenever citrine visited agon, as did flirting with blush there. it didn't take her too long to ask blush on a date, then multiple dates, before they started properly dating. citrine was still traveling, so they'd go stretches without seeing each other, but they did write. blush more than citrine, but they'd get so giddy when a letter of hers did come in, and especially when she'd visit and they'd get to hang out for a few days.

it's important to me that it's fairly obvious that this is a more one-sided relationship, but that blush either didn't see it or didn't care. their self-esteem is low and citrine was so cool and talented and charming so they absolutely saw her as being too good for them. the fact that she was interested at all was shocking to them and they felt it was more than they deserved, but they were happy regardless.

i'm not sure who proposed? feels like most likely blush since they were more invested, but could've been citrine if she got the vibes that blush wanted More and wanted to keep stringing them along. blush could've started getting a little put-out by all the time they spent apart, or felt insecure because of it, or because of behaviors that were starting to hint more at citrine not caring all that much, and the proposing was a 'no look i'm serious about us, see, why would i propose if i wasn't serious, keep lavishing me with attention whenever i'm in town' thing. or a combination of both, with blush proposing because they were in love and citrine accepting to keep this good thing she had going.

i'm not sure how much citrine actually cared about blush beyond the attention and other benefits of being in a relationship with them. i don't know which way i like it more, with her actually having at least SOME real fondness for them or if the fondness was more of like. liking someone because they like you. either way, blush felt citrine was too good for them and i think citrine agreed to a degree.

i also think that citrine is a lot less Good than she portrayed herself to be. i mean, obviously, she kills her fiance, but i think that murder wasn't entirely out of pocket for her. she's definitely disingenuous, and has quite an ego, maybe a bit of a temper, and i think her adventuring party saw more of the Less Good side than most.

i think one of the nicer party members tried to warn blush at one point when they were all in agon, just kind of gently like, hey, citrine might not be as good for you as you think she is? you might wanna get to know the real her a bit better before you jump into marriage with her? but blush wasn't very receptive to that. they thought the world of citrine and were more or less blinded to her Less Good traits, and tbh they were desperate for love and saw it where they wanted to. so they didn't like having someone trying to talk badly about her. they refused to hear them out, and the person gave up. like well, they tried, if blush was gonna be stupid they couldn't help that. maybe the half-convo would at least plant the seed of doubt.

on blush's side, the love was very genuine, but i think things weren't completely good and innocent and healthy there, either. there was an element of feeling better about themself because someone they thought really highly of was paying attention to them. the putting citrine up on a pedestal thing also wasn't great, even if citrine liked it. blush could also get quite jealous, even if they tried not to show it. they tied too much of their self worth into the relationship. again, desperate to be loved and not handling that SUPER well. idk, their slights weren't nearly to the level that citrine's were, but i want them to have a bit of a selfish element/motivation alongside the very real love they felt. want them to not be the perfect partner. want them flawed. not bad at all, just flawed. gotta work that out a bit more.

when it comes to The Incident, citrine absolutely wasn't like. gleeful to be doing it. but it was still willful. she killed them on purpose. there was an act of premeditation to it, also, because she snuck into blush's house when no one knew she was in town and tried to make the murder look like Not A Murder, probably an accident. not sure on how exactly, i'll work that out too. i just know i want people to not suspect foul play, and for blush's body to be found so that they can have a grave. or wait do they do graves in agon. hang on i have to bother max

okay yes they have a grave lol

okay so. i still don't know WHY citrine kills blush. she's not a good person but she would have to have a reason. it wasn't a flippant matter of 'oh i don't wanna be in this relationship anymore, get murdered idiot', but again, it WAS premeditated. was it part of a job? part of a ritual? was blush somehow important enough to need to be taken out, or was it less specific than that, or what was up? im still working that out. but i accomplished what i wanted with this post the actual motive will be another one

[lenievi]

because SNW is allowing me this reading and because it’s something I’ve always headcanoned (way before SNW and Kirk/La’an), I’m just gonna ramble and muse a bit

spoilers for snw2 episode 9

(if you wanna read more Kirk/La’an thoughts related to the episode, here. I’m probably going to muse about this a lot in the upcoming days, and make more coherent posts)

Kirk isn’t in love with Carol. He likes her, but he isn’t in love with her. His and Carol’s relationship was always casual; if the Farragut was close to Starbase 1, they were on, if they were away for a longer period of time, they were off. 

And now Carol is pregnant, which was unplanned, and caught both of them off guard. But Kirk’s loyal and serious, so he wants to be there for her and their child. Even though it complicates a lot of things. He might even think it will complicate his career, unless he wants to become his father and take his child through the galaxy, never having time for him.

TOS tells us that Kirk and Carol weren’t together by 2261. TWOK tells us that David met James Kirk and that Carol asked Kirk to stay away and never told David who his father was.

So there are two options. Carol tells Kirk to stay away quite soon after David is born, and he does, but years later, they reunite, but also they don’t get romantically back: “Were we together? Were we going to be?” and Kirk doesn’t really try to befriend David

OR they simply break up, but Kirk is allowed contact until a certain age. And after that Carol tells him to stay away. “You had your world and I had mine. And I wanted him in mine, not chasing through the universe with his father.” That could literally be after the 5ym, even. Or shortly before, but David remembers “that overgrown Boy Scout Carol used to hang around with”, so after seems more plausible. (but again, they don’t get back together) (which is something I did mention in this post some time ago)

[most of the stuff above is just my original HC tweaked a bit to fit new info from SNW]

Before SNW seriously introduced a potential of Kirk/La’an, I expected SNW to give us Kirk/Carol story. But last week, I was thinking and realized that SNW isn’t a Kirk story - he isn’t a main character (I know people tend to see it that way, but he’s not). We won’t see Kirk centric episodes (or at least we shouldn’t for a pretty long while imho or at all tbh) - his every appearance should be tied to the main cast. That doesn’t mean - as we’ve already seen - that we won’t get his backstory, but it might mean that a lot of Kirk’s life will just happen off screen.

(I’m not saying we won’t see Carol. They cleverly put her on Starbase 1 where the Enterprise returns to often. There’ll probably be an episode where the Enterprise will need to do something with the scientists at Starbase 1. Spock will probably meet Carol there as well, so they can also tick off another “canon” point. But it won’t be a Kirk story.)

I do tend to see Kirk/La’an from Kirk’s POV a lot because that’s just what I do (and because in the long run, it’s heartbreaking), but the story is written from La’an’s POV. She already lost Kirk once, she lost him twice. From the storytelling POV, the story should eventually lead toward something more positive when it comes to Kirk and La’an as a relationship. Not having them eventually get together (even if they part after or La’an dies) would just feel hollow and ??? Especially since Kirk confirmed that he had feelings for La’an, but he can’t act on them because he has a gf and a baby on the way. (and as viewers, we know that Kirk/Carol just won’t last even though the characters don’t know that)

(But also like, Kirk, pls, you have a gf and you’ve still kind of led La’an on.)

From Kirk’s POV, I can see the “it was a lost potential that never happened”. If Kirk was the main character (and not La’an), I’d probably even expect that. Kirk made his choice and La’an moved on. But not from La’an’s POV tbh Not giving La’an her chance at being vulnerable and happy with Kirk would be too bleak. But I’m also known for liking the “wrong couples” lol 

Using her experience with Kirk to find that elsewhere would of course work in RL, but as a story, it’d be disappointing.

Well, I might change my thoughts after I see the finale and what they do with Pike/Batel and Spock/Chapel lol I don’t believe Kirk is in the finale but maybe I’m wrong.

in any case, if Kirk doesn’t appear in the finale, I’m totally using this when I figure out what kind of Kirk/La’an fic I’d like to write. I just want to give both of them happiness. Even if it’s temporary. 

anyway SNW still giving me everything I want. when will it end? when will they disappoint me? lol (probably with McCoy LMAO)

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Have you already been asked for Deki?

nope! the Orange Guy (as he's been called lol) in my icon! thanks Anon for providing me with what's clearly going to be my most controversial post 🤪 (i don't know if i've ever used this emoji before, what a historic day)

favorite thing about them: it's gotta be his loyalty to the people he loves. sometimes it's even to the point of stupidity, or "you didn't have to do that." but i've never seen anything quite to his level of devotion and committment. all heart ZERO brain on this man. not one brain cell. it's all in the heart.

he's also really hilarious* and like. kinsey 7. nothing will convince me this man is not 100% gay and only married because he's a religious catholic.

(*i don't like most "comedy" because i have an odd sense of humor, and if i want to have a laugh, i'll more often than not put on some liverpool movren content because of how genuinely fucking funny they are together. i always wind up laughing out loud. standup comedians WISH they were movren however he is also funny on his own, albeit sometimes unintentionally...i think)

last--his appearance, duhhh. if i could look like a man i'd want to look like him, this is a known fact. he's got just the right vibe of strong, confident masculinity and the fucking shoulder/back/arm situation is 🔥

least favorite thing about him: ...do you hear me heaving a heavy sigh? lol. i won't go into the graphic details, but the amount of time i've spent being his pro bono defense attorney when it's not deserved! (some things are also not worthy of defending.)

i remember there was a post a while back that said something like "whatever your special interest was at the beginning of the pandemic is always going to have a weird level of significance to you." and at first i was like doesnt apply to me--football was my thing before the pandemic, and it still is. but then i remembered that the pandemic hit just as i was developing an interest in this fool 😂 i guess that explains everything.

favorite line: HOW DO I CHOOSE????? he's so quotable. he also once responded to one of my questions on an insta takeover--he only chose 3 twitter questions and i'm convinced he picked mine because my display name at the time was "Monlyfans" lmao. maybe on one of his lajvs with šime when he was like "who are all these people on instagram pretending to be me????" and šime was like "they're fanpages" or the classic on his southampton twitter takeover, "Peter Crouch is so tall OMG". orrr on his twitter q&a two years ago, when someone asked "your wife or Mo?" and he went "don't make me choose..."

brotp: oh it's gotta be him chilling with Domo, even though tbh. he's so GAY to me that most dudes he talks to make me wanna ship it, lol. i kind of liked him with timo at zenit...oh and when he was gay mentoring dalerka and mostovoy, who seemed to do very well with his teachings (RIP kustovoy)

notp: hmmm. deki x trashy american right wing culture, lmao

otp: it's always that impossible choice of šejan vs movren. they're both so different. something about movren really gets me because i think it has a lot of layers of depth that is not discussed, and i love the contrast especially toward the end of their time together at liverpool, of like global beloved star vs 4th choice center-back on the bench, and how dej had not one ounce of jealousy or resentment toward mo...Idk that's just quite special

random headcanon: i don't think i have one.

unpopular opinion: sigh...i've expressed this before and am Weary...but the lockdown fucked him up hard and he absolutely never recovered mentally. and that just makes me feel bad. you don't have to! but i do and i'm glad that i do. maybe it could have all been different yknow? especially because i've seen similar things happen to people i'm close to in real life.

song i associate with them: well, aside from 'sin pijama' lol...i only really associate songs with him because of my movren fanmix (only time i've ever made a good fanmix for a football ship! and as i've said, it's a very 'i liked the movie Garden State too much when i was a teenager' fanmix lol (guilty as charged)) (lmk if you want me to link it somewhere) some of them are more "mo," some are "dejan," and some are a mix. i'd say the dejan ones are:

-moment's silence (common tongue) by hozier: singing boldly about oral sex and the catholic church? that tracks.

-the only living boy in new york by simon & garfunkel: uh the gayest and most loving song alive? but also the story behind it makes me think of what i said about movren earlier--the "flop" being just so happy for the star. (not saying paul simon is more of a "flop" than art garfunkel LOL but the idea of him writing a song for his friend going down to mexico to be in a movie, and just being affectionate and proud about it! idk!)

favorite picture of them: ahhh...how about:

also this from ligue 1 for the LOLS 😂 if i had a deki rainbow jersey i'd never take it off

[4th-make-quail]

Asks for a Fic Writer!

Tagged by @eemamminy-art and @nateharmonica thank you!!

--

1. how many works do you have on AO3? 138! Which is weird cos it feels like only 2 minutes ago I was excited about hitting 100 lol

2. what's your total AO3 word count? 401,149 total

3. what fandoms do you write for? My top 5 written for fandoms are FFXIV (27), Resident Evil (26), FFXII (15), inFamous (13) and FFXV (13)! But I have a load of others as well - atm it's Baldur's Gate 3, alternated with my perennial beloved FFXII

4. what are your top five fics by kudos? Point of No Return - Resident Evil, Chris/Wesker, time travel fix-it fic Aphrodisiac - Overwatch, Reaper/Soldier 76, collaring and gloves kink Like a Drug - Resident Evil, Chris/Wesker, STARS era drug bust Filters - FFXV, Prompto/Ignis, 5 things fic about Prompto's photo taking Between Death and Ascension - Magnus Archives, Jon/Gerry, post season 3 fix it that got immediately jossed upon s4 releasing lol. Honestly I'm amazed this one is here, considering Jon/Gerry is a bit of a rarepair. Or at least, it was back then!! I have no idea of the current state of TMA fandom (and don't wanna know, ugh lmao)

5. do you respond to comments? Always as a rule, but usually quite a long time after I get them lksgfg

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Has to be From the Flames of the Fire, I Feel You, part 4 of my Sartauvoir/Basch series, because it's the fic where Basch dies at the end, and it finishes off with a notice from Noah about the death and funeral arrangements. I cried on my lunch break at work writing this fucker lmao

8. do you get hate on fics? I've not had anything since my ffn days, where I got a very mean comment about OOC. I mean, it was true, but MAN.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? It's very rare that I don't write smut! I think the yuletide fic I wrote was the first time in years lol. Either way, I like to write kinky porn with feelings and character study shit

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? Not any more, but the craziest crossover with the most specific-ass audience was a British Comedy RPF crossed with FFX, where David Mitchell is a summoner and Charlie Brooker and Robert Webb are his guardians. It's called Spira Infinita, and I never did end up finishing it lmao. Oops. Either way, I had a blast writing it and I still think it was fucking good, all 9 kudos of it!! God... this just made me remember I also wrote a brooker/mitchell crossover with mgs. I was on some shit back then I tell you what

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of! I'm not big enough for that, I think

12. have you ever had a fic translated? I thiiiink someone once asked me, but I forgot which fic it was tbh!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes!! I co-wrote one of my fave Ashe/Basch/Vossler fics with my friend when we got assigned each other for an ff_land exchange - Five Moments of Desire. It was really fun, we had a great time!

14. what's your all-time favourite ship? GOD this is hard!!! I think Nero/Credo tbh, I never get tired of thinking about them, even as sadly underrated as they are. Also Sartauvoir/Basch is highly up there, I've never been seized with such an insane streak of inspiration for a ship. They got me in their clutches and no mistake!!

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't actually have much in the way of wips, but I do have 5k of a Sart/Basch AU where Sart channels his fenex summoning to bring Basch back to life, but it stalled a little due to a combo of scheduling for other things, other ships taking over my brain for a bit, and honestly the general lack of fandom for them? I have a few close friends I met because of the ship, but getting such low response to things is really demoralising and makes it hard to continue. I DO want to finish it for sure, but atm I am too gripped by other ships so idk if it'll happen.

16. what are your writing strengths? I think dialogue for sure, and characterisation.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes x_x Which is annoying, because I love them and have a lot of sparring/fighting related kinks!!! I persevere, but I hate every moment of writing them lol

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Uhh nothing I've ever done! I think it'd be fine if you're fluent in that language OR if you have a trusted friend who is, who can give you actual sense-making sentences, but otherwise, do not!

19. first fandom you wrote for? Baby's first fandom was handwritten Redwall/Discworld crossover in reporter's notebooks as a very young child, but my first fandom-fandom was ffvii, where I wrote a frankly terrible Reno/Vincent fic! And idek why cos I don't ship it at all? I think I just had a boner for both of them and wanted to get it out. It is still on ffn alas, but eugh.

20. favourite fic you've written? Honestly I think it's my SartBasch series, Body Politics. It caters directly to my own id, and I think it's really good! I actually planned it out as a cohesive series AND actually finished writing it! Proud of myself lol. And I just.... *clenches fist* love those old men.....

----- tagging people, if u wanna do this, then consider urself tagged!!

[wanderrlust0]

sudden rant turned spiral lol oops

my friend got tickets to see hozier aka andrew their wife and basically got them for us since i said id be down to go. personally im not like a fan where id go see him but id say im a casual listener. like i knew a good amount of songs. i loveee cherry wine and others. now that we have this concert coming up on june 7, ive become a listener. i gotta prepare and all that yknow. cant go to andrew unprepared. also..idk how?! but i was not aware of his thick irish accent.. loll and i mean, even in his new album, he sings with a clear accent?? idk how i never noticed before honestly. so yeah, im curious to know what a hozier concert will be liikeeee. this will be my second concert this yr and they both involve me going bc a friend asked me to go for company lol. i am going to another in august w my bf to see porter robinson and thats actually one i will really enjoy!! itll also be our first like “edm” dance music type concert so itll be so cool. its at the same stadium that hozier will be at as welllll..but you see, what im procrastinating is telling my bf im going w my friend. my friend who hes not a fan of. the one who he thinks is a Threat! D: ive been knowing for likee 2 weeksish and havent said a single word about it agdjfkfl but i am calling it now.. i. will. tell. him. tomorrow. period. no ifs ands or buts. i need to stop worrying and just rip the bandaid off. once i do tho, im still gonna feel anxious bc literally The NEXt WEEk we will most likely go to my (ex)coworkers second party. (the one who threw a halloween party and i didnt know if wed go but we were already hanging out that day so i mentioned it prior and we ended up having enough time and the girls house was very close to me so we ended up dropping by and i told elias right then and there so it was very last minute and kind of fucked up of me but ive developed an avoidance thing towards him if it has to do with snow bc of everything and thats why now i cant help myself from feeling nervous to ever bring them up around him bc im scared he’ll revert back and not love me and start resenting me and leave me and be mean to me and make me feel lonely and accuse me of things and say its my fault i started the friendship in the first place and that im not committed to him and dont love him anymore and everything else under the sun bc hes got trust issues which is a pain and he’ll go from loving me so hard to not in a quick minute if he starts thinking the worst possibilities and i just cant handle all of that and tbh its nothing new so ive grown to understand the process and that itll pass but it really does suckk and it can turn into a turn off and then he becomes emotionally unavailable and then i become emotionally annoyed and then its a constant reoccurring cycle that doesnt always look the same but they follow the same theme which is trust and every time it happens i want to shout at his ex for causing him to develop this issue and this is me spiraling right now bc im nervous and to be crystal clear its not bc im doing anything shady at all or anything with this friend but i just wanna feel the freedom to just casually hang out with them without it feeling so taboo or whatever bc we still have so many plans that wed like to do and idk if he will ever be okay with me going to their house and idk when he’ll ever get better where he wont care how many times we hang out or how often we talk and i just want him to chill about them bc theyre not a bad person at all theyre not this homewrecker girlfriend stealer he makes it out to beeee were literally just existinggg were literally just two friends who enjoy each others company and existence and have become very open and genuine with fairly quickly and we somehow just connected and i truly do love them as a friend and im happy weve crossed paths and stayed in touch and its just something he cant and wont fully understand about us but hes been trying to at least a little but is mainly just dealing with it bc he knows he cant stop me and im not gonna stop my friendship bc hes telling me to so,

…continued…

[x-other-souled-x]

I'm a little upset right now, due to system related things... I just wanna get it off my chest...

.

Our main fronter from I think around 2019 up till part of the way thru this year has disappeared and we havnt heard from him in a while. Actually, around April it feels as if the whole system disappeared and some new nameless, faceless guy got put in front and had to deal with things just... like that. The confusion was not great, I think. There's still a lot of confusion, since this nameless and faceless guy still has no name and feels as though he's an imposter living a life for someone else.

Even when "older" members of the system started popping their heads back in, none of them where any of who had the attachment to friends and life stuff the same way our former main fronter did. So we abandoned those freinds, I don't know how to talk to them and that may sound stupid but genuinely I feel like I don't know them at all.

Despite now having at least 5 active members who cycle in and out, we still have this lonely feeling. It feels downright BAD to have abandoned friends and just straight up ghosted them, while pretending to live life like normal. And I still wish I could reach out and say "hey we are plural and the guy you're used to talking to has been missing for like almost the whole year now and we don't know what to do."

Cuz like what are they going to do with that information?

I kinda just wanna bite that bullet and if they decide we are horrible for it then that's fine, but then I worry if our guy comes back and wants to try and hang out with them again it will be awfully fucked for him.

I'm someone who came about in the system to help out our missing guy back when he first started putting two and two together, we figured out together that whoever "we were" before 2019 is also gone and disappeared and we were the replacements. I'm really attached to our missing guy tbh, and I miss him a lot, and I'm really afraid that he'll be lost forever just like our previous main fronters.

And if that's truly the pattern, one fronter for several years who takes the main role in life and then after that disappears, well then we have an existential crisis looming. And maybe that's why our new guy hasn't been able to feel attached to anything for his own self. Maybe the fear that it will happen to him too is what's keeping him numbed out, no need to worry if there was nothing to loose anyway right?

Its been causing us some stress, lately we are fronting in pairs without him because being out without any attachment to a name or whatever else is keeping him from wanting to be out at all. I don't blame him tbh. Floating thru life and working 40 hrs a week with no purpose or self recognition sucks, it feels like being a zombie wading thru the hellscape of capitalism and not even being able to enjoy the pay you get for your labor. It feels like what I must imagine being soulless and empty must be.

I've tried to help, but nothing seems to stick. How do you make freinds if when they ask your name you just "uhhhhhhh idk" and blank out? We have eachother but even that gets kinda lonely bc we have very limited communication without typing. (I mean we do have communication but it's not constant and it feels like we have to fight some invisible wall to get through so it's kinda exhausting mentally too...)

And some days I wonder if this has anything to do with having a locked door separating the void where we sit from "everything else" in the brain. I've gone in there before, but once you come back out of the door you forget everything that's inside it.

I've rambled way way too much now. So I'll stop there...

[ncityavenue]

Most to Least : Mommy kink ft 127

MOST:

TAEYONG - just look at him, it's so visible that he has one. You do something sexy asf during sex and he's just like "OMG MOMMY." Like it's just second nature to him, or he looks at you just existing and in his mind he's like "Mommy..." He said it out loud once by accident when yall were conversating with his members, Ps. Johnny has never let it go🤭

HAECHAN - I think it's very clear that he would be down for any kink, he's freaky as fuck– not only does he say it during sex but he says it on the regular.(regular huh?) Like you could be washing the dishes and he hugs you from behind and is like "Hey mommy" with a lil smirk.🤫

MARK - OH FOR SURE. Mostly during his orgasms, like it's an intense one too–it catches you by surprise almost. "Oh fuck‐ m-mommy~". HJFIWBSHXBWKSNFBW. he sometimes doesn't even realize how frequently he says it. He's just too cute with it that you need to hear it again and make him have like 1 (3) more orgasm.

JAEHYUN - I feel like jaehyun is a switch at heart and a sucker for dom women, he likes to see someone that is stereotypically seen as the sub part of a relationship to tell him what to do and order him around during sex and just use him as a sex doll– OFF TOPIC SORRY YALL🤭🤭 anyways he would fucking love to call you mommy, he'd be hesitant at first bc he don't wanna weird you out but c'mon you gave him a boob job- A BOOB JOB and it just slipped out. "Oh shit mommy oh my god". WOOOOOOO. After that it just kept coming out..or should I say cumming? I'm Sorry...

JUNGWOO - he mostly says it for teasing or fun purposes, I can see you're like sucking him off and then you do something that catches his attention he's just like "ooo~ mommy~" and wiggles his eyebrows. I would count it as a kink most definitely because even before yall were a thing he use to see pretty girls and be like "she's mommy for sure." Then it kinda slid into your relationship.

DOYOUNG - it would be rare, but its not like it won't happen at all. Funny thing it didn't even start off sexual, STORY TIME: he was very intoxicated and had a hang over the next day obviously, you were giving him pain killers for the migraine he had and he faintly laid his head on your shoulder sleepily saying " Thank you Mommy ". BOY DID THAT BECOME RATED R QUICKLY. atp you wanted him to moan it instead😭. It's mostly when you take care of him (sexually or non) that he says it but it's still rare.

YUTA - he's not totally off that idea, he just rather call you pretty,gorgeous, princess, & baby. He's had a conversation with haechan about this and the younger boy suggested for him to call you that one time and see what happens, Yuta tried it. Wasn't really his cup of tea. It didn't roll off his tongue the way he anticipated it to, so he never really says it to you unless you ask (beg).

JOHHNY & TAEIL - Since I can't really figure it out, I put them together bc they level each other out. Johnny just rathers calling you beautiful or sweetheart,baby,& pretty kinda similar to yuta. He also rather you call him daddy AHEM! 🧍🏾‍♀️, it's just not in his nature to do that. He joked maybe a few dozen times abt it seeing you in something cute/hot he's like "Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry." Then cringes. HXWBUDDBWK. Taeil on the other hand is like "A what kink?" Like he's genuinely distraught. It's giving the same energy as haechan saying bop and him having no clue what it means, you explain mommy kink to him and he's like " that's nice...for other people though :) " passive aggressively telling you, ITS NOT HAPPENING WITH HIM SIS 😭😭 he likes to think you were joking with him from the jump. When he wants to be evil though, he pretends he's gonna say it but doesn't at all. Sorry hard taeil stans:/ (including me it was hard for me to write this part tbh😪)

LEAST:

- ♡︎ -

[bellesowl]

kiss and make up

- multiple characters 

⤷ atsumu, sakusa

genre: (an attempt at) angst to fluff ; established relationship, timeskip 

synopsis: in which you have an almost relationship-ending argument

word count: 2.1k total - about 1k each

warnings: fighting (obv), being called a burden, the boys are kinda mean but they make up for it i swear

- a/n: tbh i was kinda getting sick of writing just fluff so i wanted to spice it up a lil! if this sucks i’m probably going to stick to fluff fics but i think it should be fine? this one also only has 2 characs cause idk how i would be at writing angst LMAO if this does well enough i’ll post the one i have written w kuroo and iwa <3 but i feel like this kinda sucks so oh well

- thank u @kybabi for beta-ing <3

- miya atsumu

you n atsumu have been together since high school which is why you’ve always been inseparable

you went to the same college & moved in together right after, but once he got his job with the jackals, he insisted that you didn’t work and focused on getting your master’s degree

you reluctantly agreed, if only to be able finish & earn your phd soon after

because atsumu is always busy, it’s kinda become commonplace for you to do the chores around the house- like doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking dinner for him

but it’s gotten to the point where he expects it

atsumu sighs, unlocking the door to your shared apartment. today’s practice was rough, it was a day of hard conditioning and bad sets and he wanted nothing more than a good meal and to cuddle. the first thing he noticed when he walked in was the mess. instant ramen bowls were scattered everywhere, empty coke cans and dirty napkins were all over the floor, and there you were, in the eye of the hurricane. the second thing he noticed was that there was no homecooked meal.

surprised, he walks into the dining room to see you, furiously typing away at your laptop with four different books surrounding you. you hear his footsteps and look up.

“hey baby! how was practice?” you ask with a smile

atsumu grunts in reply and gestures toward the kitchen, “so.. what’s for dinner babe?”

your eyes widen, “oh shoot! i’m sorry, i was so busy studying for this final that i forgot to cook. do you mind-“ you stop when you see him roll his eyes and head out.

“um, where are you going? you just got home?” you ask, following him.

“out. i have to get food somehow” he replies, “especially because my useless s/o can’t cook a goddamn meal for me” he mutters under his breath

you stop in shock because did he really just say that?

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i heard you right.” you start but he interrupts you

“i said, i have to go get food because someone is too busy to cook a goddamn meal. what do you even do anyways- well, besides spend my money? the least you can do is cook for me, god.” he finally turns to look at you but he feels his heart stop at the look on your face.

not wanting to escalate the situation any further, you try to calm him down, “tsum, hey, i’m sorry i forgot to cook okay? this is my last final before the year ends and i just can’t afford to fail it, so i’ve been studying all day. if you come back to the kitchen, i’ll make you something, okay?”

“i don’t want to eat your half assed attempt at a meal, y/n. the whole point is that you couldn’t get off your ass for an hour to cook when i make the money, i paid for the apartment, hell, i’m even paying for your school! is it really too much to ask for you to stop being such a burden and cook and clean everyday?” he fumed.

you gape at him, shocked that he would even say that. to hell with not escalating things

“at least i want to do something more with my life than hit balls around and retire at 35” you hiss, “and i do everything in this house! i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom, i cook - i do all the things you refuse to. and do i complain? no. i offered to get a job but you refused.”

you turn around to grab your laptop and your textbooks, “just- just do whatever the hell you want to, atsumu.” and with that you walk out the door.

atsumu’s heart drops when he realizes that you actually left. sure, you’ve had arguments here and there, but you’ve never left. he pulls out his phone to call you when he sees you’ve left yours on the counter. knowing there’s nothing to do but wait at this point, he begins to clean up and calls osamu over.

-

it’s already 3 am when you walk back into your apartment, and you blink multiple times when you open the door. it’s ... clean? you’re sure it was a mess when you left, so how would it be clean? you sigh, too tired to think about it more and walk into the kitchen. your eyes widen at the sight. not only is your favorite food on the stove, but there your boyfriend is, asleep on the dining table. you smile slightly, well that explains things.

“ ‘’mu, hey, wake up babe.” you kiss him lightly and shake him.

he grunts and sits up, “baby! i’m so so sorry for what i said. you are in no way, shape, or form a burden, i have no clue why i said that. today’s practice was just really tiring, but i know i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. just please-” he sighs, “just please don’t leave me again.”

your heart breaks your teary eyed boyfriend. “shh, of course baby. i’ll never leave you again okay?” you say, tugging on his arm, “cmon babe, let’s go to bed, okay?”

“mm okay my love.” he replies and practically pulls you into bed. “i love you, okay?”

“i love you too baby.” you reply

“to the moon and back?” he asks

“yeah, and to infinity and beyond.” you reply, your lack of sleep hitting you hard

“oh, i didn’t know i was dating buzz lightyear”

you let out a loud laugh and just like that you both fall into the same routine, love radiating off both of you in waves.

- sakusa kiyoomi

dating sakusa was,, challenging

it definitely took him a while to get comfortable with you

so you guys have been dating for a couple years now, and at this point he’s def clingy

however there still moments when he reverts to his old self

this just happened to be one of those times

“OUT! AND JUST LIKE THAT, EJP RAIJIN TAKES THE WIN AGAINST THE BLACK JACKALS!”

the stadium is silent before the ejp cheering section erupts in cheers. you stay silent, watching your team below. you watch as sakusa stills, still in disbelief. you make your way down, practically sprinting to your boyfriend.

he sees you on the sideline and makes his way over to you. you put on your biggest smile and attempt to make him feel better.

“you did great, kiyo! you’ll get them next time, yeah?” you beam, knowing how hard he’s been training to beat his cousin

he eyes you warily, not knowing what to say.

usually, sakusa gets pretty clingy after games, so you you move to give him a hug.

“don’t touch me” he barked, jerking away from you. “if you hadn’t been distracting me, we would’ve won.”

you stare at him, refusing to let the tears flow. you both turn when you hear a certain setter yelling at the opposing middle and you sigh.

“um, okay then. i’ll see you at home, yeah?” you ask

sakusa merely nods and makes his way over to his teammates. you look around to see if anyone saw what just happened and you lock eyes with your boyfriend’s cousin, who walks over.

“congrats on the win komori! you guys did so well!” you cheered

“thanks, y/n! and i’m sorry about kiyoomi. i’m sure you know he gets that way sometimes.” he explains

you smile and shake your head, saying that you’re used to it and you both bid your farewells. as you walk out of the stadium, you think back to how your boyfriend, the one person you loved with everything you had in you, utterly embarrassed you in front of his whole team. before you know it, silent tears start streaming down your face. 

you enter your home and immediately rush to the bathroom. you draw yourself a bath and make some dinner while waiting. you assume that kiyoomi wouldn’t be home to have dinner with you anyways- and now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had dinner together. after you finish your bath and eat your dinner, you decide to wait up for boyfriend and watch a couple episodes of your favorite show to pass the time. 

-

kiyoomi walks into his apartment at around 1 am, completely and utterly exhausted. he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag on the floor. The rustling rouses you from sleep and you sit up.

“hey kiyo” you say with a yawn, “where’ve you been all night?” 

sakusa ignores you in favor of getting ready for bed and you frown when he brushes past you. 

“kiyo, babe, what’s wrong? you’ve been ignoring me all night and i-” you start but he interrupts you before you can finish. 

“god, just shut up, y/n. can’t you tell i don’t want to talk to you right now? i’ve already had the worst day, i don’t need you making it any worse.” he snaps

"kiyoomi, look, i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t take it out on me.” you reason, reaching out towards him, “listen, i’m here if you wanna-” 

“i said, do not touch me.” he seethes. “you are so fucking clingy y/n, lord, let me breathe a little.”

with those words, you explode. “you know what, sakusa,” he flinches when he hears his last name come out of your mouth, “i think i have the right to want to spend some time with my boyfriend! i haven’t seen you in god knows how long- you leave before i wake up and i fall asleep in an empty bed. i’ve been working my ass off to get some time off to watch your stupid volleyball game and what do you do? you embarrass me in front of your whole team!”

you sigh, wiping away the tears that continue that continue to fall. “listen, i don’t want to fight right now. i’m going to go stay at a friend’s house for the night, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow” you say, grabbing your purse. “if you’re even home tomorrow,” you add under your breath.

sakusa is in shock. the moment he saw your tears start to spill, he felt an undeniable and unrelenting ache in his chest that only seemed to grow with every work that came out of your mouth. and when the door shut? sakusa fell on his knees, his heart dropping. he truly couldn’t believe he said that to you. now all he had to do was wait till you got home.

-

2:38 pm - you check the time on your phone before pulling out your keys. you hope you made the right move, choosing to come back home while kiyoomi was still at practice. you open the door and the sight causes your eyes to widen.

there, on the couch with your favorite flowers in hand, is your boyfriend. he hears the door open and stands up abruptly.

“y/n, my love, i am so sorry. i truly cannot express how horrible i feel, and i cannot begin to understand how you feel.” he takes a deep breath, seemingly holding back tears. “i- i do love you. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. i know i’m not the best at expressing it, but you mean the world to me- no, you are my world. without you, i don’t know what i would do. so please-” his voice cracks, “just, please give me another chance?”

you run towards your boyfriend, practically tackling him. “kiyo, baby, of course. i love you too, you know? you just can’t do that anymore, yeah? you shouldn’t feel like you have the right to embarrass me just because you had a bad day. and please, don’t call me clingy? i know i do stick to you like glue sometimes, but that’s just because i never see you anymore.” you reply.

“that will all change, darling.” he answers sincerely, “i’ll make more time for you, i swear. in fact, i’ll take the week off, how does that sound?” at the sight of your smile, he relaxes.

“that sounds wonderful, yoomi.” you answer

sakusa feels the weight that’s been dragging him down lift and he realizes the effect you have on him- you’re his breath of fresh air. he also realizes how utterly idiotic it was to push away the one person who could make him feel better.

it’s fine, he reasons, he’ll just never make that mistake again. he swears it.