#tbh im not scared but its safer for everyone like this

[andrrrgynous]

i love that theres a photo of me and a friend at a protest going viral every other week bc our banner is funny but i can't rlly openly post about it bc it also goes viral on the wrong side of the internet and those mfs want me dead so

[stardustsomewhere]

can we get a fruit cult saga recap :0

yes sorry it took me so long to reply!

my ex gf (lemon) got me into the cult because she was like oh theres this funny groupchat im in can you join so a few days after she joined i did. at first it was all really funny and sweet and any red flags seemed like ill timed jokes? like they had a groupchat called THE PIT they would send you too but it felt so silly i didnt notice it was weird.

anyways after a few weeks i suddenly checked the gc at work and saw they were egging my girlfriend on who was on the roof of her office building. for context shes deathly afraid of heights. they kept telling her to jump or to scream at people down below and call them slurs. i was sure it was a bad bit until she posted photos and then i left work to go get her. i found her in the stairwell having a panic attack and talking about the "angels" and how she was hearing voices and stuff. genuinely terrifying stuff

i was out of my element so i just called my mom and asked her what to do and she said hospital ASAP so i drove my gf there. they didnt really take her seriously but kept her for about 72 hours but when they released her she dumped all her medicine and refused to take it. i forced her to for a bit but she was still acting weird so i gave up and was planning on leaving

then one night i ate some mushrooms she had forged and went CRAZY and ran out the house. i didnt get too far before my body rejected it and i puked and passed out. my gf thankfully had enough sense to take me to the hospital and we both had to get our stomachs pumped (awful, do not suggest) turns out for a while she had been misidentifying mushrooms and i had avoided dishes with it in it cause i hate mushrooms and never noticed.

so it seemed like really good at this point! we were dedicated together to making sure nobody else got hurt and we were going to transition the group chat into a much safer version with everyone getting help and such. i wanted to stop apple from hurting herself and others. then apple demoted lemon from her stupid rank (top rank was ring) and lemon LOST HER MIND. she was so upset it was all she talked about

then she threw another member under the bus to get promoted again and started acting really distant and weird. we stopped talking about how we were going to help them see the truth and get out of all the brain washing and more about if we believe in the fruit god (im an atheist and she knows this. this is important to me as a physicist too plus religious trauma)

then is started getting sick and after a few days i started acting and doing erratic stuff. i was fully aware it wasnt normal and called off work for a few days to figure it out. i was about to go to the dr when someone told me to check me food on here and lo and behold, the mushrooms again. she had been putting it in my food ON PURPOSE THIS TIME

the next morning after sleeping the shrooms off as much as i could i opened my phone to see she decided our apartment was OPEN TO ANYONE IN THE CULT. she was having the leader come LIVE WITH US! i had been given no time to know let alone consent. i paid half the rent and most the bills (she helped in other ways dw it was very 50/50) and i was just so upset and scared that i just said its over. i took my cat and most my stuff (left my furniture, there was no hope of moving it) and just moved in with a friend. thank god she had a spare room for an office she was willing to rent to me.

bcs i left now everyone in the cults really mad at me so i honestly just got overwhelmed and shut my phone off. i dont wanna text them for a few days tbh. it was just too much. especially this one guy called fig, they were just always so mean to me it made me cry several times. they kept trying to find ways to hurt me, including some ableist stuff about how i should do drugs even if i medically cant. some of their friends (shrimp and plum) also went out of there way to attack me and try and physiologically torture me. i felt so bad i just shut my phone off

honestly at this point idk the benefit to trying to be anyones friend in this cult. idk why im even trying to help them. i feel used and abused. i feel VERY abused. i dont know. lifes hard

[you-did-well-moon]

questions tag :))

i was tagged by the lovely @bearboyunho thank uuuu

relationships: I was in one for a maximum of three hours dkejek. Ill explain in the breakup question. This is definitely not a relationship im proud of. It caused me too many problems considering how short it was...

break-ups: I have so many trust issues and insecurities, i think i still have a long way to grow before i can enter a relationship, besides i havent met anyone yet. I didn't lead this person on, i treated him as a friend. And i usually spent more time with him since we were both in track. He caught feelings for me which i honestly knew about but i didnt say anything bc i didnt have feelings for him. One day during lunch with all my friends at the time he asked for a relationship. He later confessed to me he did this on purpose because he knew i would feel bad saying no to him, and that paired with the pressure of my friends, i said yes. He held my hand, and it just didn't feel right. Everything didnt feel right. So three hours later i got him alone and told him i wasnt ready for a relationship but that we could still be friends. He took it relatively well, but he avoided me. His cousin confronted me and told me he cried all weekend, but she said she understood and that she was glad i said no in the end which i was confused about but didnt question just wanting to leave it behind. Then it all started the next year. Out of nowhere he texted me, which was ???? Bc i never gave him my number, but i talked to him believing he was doing this on friendly intentions. lol i was a dumbass. Later my friend revealed to me he had lied to her and said i was paired up with him during a project. I also found out he asked her for pictures of me. His cousin which im friends with also told me she was sure he was not befriending me on good intentions, and that she was creeped out by him. My friends had continuously told me he would speak about me as if we were together to other people, and that he stared at me for weird periods of time. At this point im fucking scared and confront him and say i dont want to be friends with him and that i dont think us talking or being friends is healthy for either one of us. He continued texting me, making me feel bad when i didnt respond asking me if i hated him i had to eventually block him. He gave me a present on both valentines and Christmas which i rejected but he forced me to accept them. After class i always packed up my stuff slowly bc i had a good relationship with my teacher and talked to her. He stood in front of me and just stared at me while i packed. We actually had a kpop club, and one day he showed up. I was part of student council, and at the middle of the year he started attending. He sent me kpop memes to try to get my attention. I felt so unsafe i told my English teacher. Eventually he gave up when i started being firmer in my silence and overall attitude towards him. so yeah.... a relationship that didnt even last a day caused all this. I genuinely wish i had been more careful. The red flags were there from the beginning and i tried ignoring them bc i wanted to be nice. Dont do that, if someone maked you uncomfortable please dont feel bad and cut them off for as long as you need to. Anyways- nExT quEstiOn.

kids: i dont have any but i want twins so badly it's stupid. I honestly dont mind having kids that aren't twins. I just want two tbh. A girl and boy.

brothers and sisters: i have one sister who's five years younger than me. Im very close with my two cousins tho so theyre like sister to me too. They're older than me by more than five years.

pets: i have three dogs. Two shih tzus Otis and Bella, Bella is mother to Otis. He's the only puppy we kept from when Bella had puppies. I have Rocky a very clumsy english bulldog. I also have a beta fish called Suho.

surgeries: Ive had two. One when i was four to get my tonsils removed because i got sick a lot, and last year i got my gallbladder removed because i had gall stones. That one was so painful i couldnt laugh or do anything without everything hurting.

tattoos: None but i would like one. Not big ones, just small meaningful ones.

countries i’ve been to: Mexico....i miss it

been in an airplane: my family is not in the class where we can take an airplane to travel or even travel to other states. Ive only been on it twice for a contest i won.

been in an ambulance: Twice as much as i can remember. Once for my sister who had a really bad seizure when i took her to a doctors appointment and the other when they had to transport me to another hospital when they first found out i had gall stones.

i sing karaoke: no but you can usually find me singing along to a song on the radio or randomly around my house.

ice skating: I would love to try. The closest ive gotten is rollerblading. I can't do any fancy tricks but i can balance, but oh no i havent gone in such a long time. My poor rollerblades are collecting dust in my garage.

been on a cruise: ..... this is a joke right? Let me have enough money to buy groceries first.

driven a motorcycle: ah i would really like a motorcycle, but no never.

ridden a horse: Lolol all the time. When i was young my uncle helped out at some stables that were literally at the end of my street snd and he always took me a long with him. A lot of my family especially in Mexico and in the valley have ranchos which means they have horses and you can usually find me hanging out with the lovely animals.

stayed in a hospital: I once went because my head was killing me and i found out it was migraines. I had gall stones for seven months and stayed in the hospital about two times a month so yeah i was there a lot. And for the surgery of course.

favorite fruit or berry: Watermelon and Guayaba. Also green grapes.

favorite color: peach and aqua.

last text: "ye ok" it was from me to my cousin since i was gonna go to her house but she was with my grandma who tested positive for covid so we both decided it would be safer for me to keep my distance.

coffee or tea: coffee. i need it to survive. As long as it has sugar im ok. But tea is great for when my stomach hurts. I just prefer coffee. I could drink it any hour.

favorite pie: Pecan, especially with ice cream its so good. Key lime isnt bad either.

favorite pizza: i dont really care? I like all of them but when i was little and we'd go to the mall my dad would always get this big pizza that was big enough to have things stuffed inside it and it tasted so good. Its a good memory.

cat or dog: dog but i really want a cat.

favorite time of year: Chritmas and Thanksgiving always. I love it. Especially Christmas when my family gathers together and we play games and everyone brings a traditional Mexican dish. We stay until like 4 am and its always great.

met a star: That one woman who had an affair with george bush. I met her. That doesnt really count. Yeah no one, i met basketball players but i dont remember from which team or who they were. I met ted cruz. Cool story tho my english teacher knew one of shinee's choreographers.

flown a helicopter:..... umm. nO..

been on tv: Nah. Probably in the backround of some news things.

broken my leg: no ive never broken a bone surprisingly.

seen a ghost: i had sleep paralysis it was close enough.

been sick in a taxi: never even been in a taxi. Ive been on a uber tho.

Tags: @doyoungbunnyagenda @butterflybam @brighttragedy @saturnsluna @waterfallsandrosebuds @jooheonyonehunnit @leecherryyong

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: still stalking mckenna Joe: what, we can't BOTH like music? Joe: that's gonna be problematic for me tbh Ronnie: mozarts ghost aint gonna possess him in the encore Ronnie: you can fuck off Joe: you can enjoy your night Joe: I'll take my chances Ronnie: take your chances somewhere else Ronnie: or you wont have any Joe: you looking out for me? Joe: not necessary, I promise Joe: you look like you got your hands full as is Ronnie: its a threat Ronnie: shouldnt be necessary Joe: my apologies for making you work harder but its still not cutting it Ronnie: [throws something at him in a dangerous manner watch out everyone] Ronnie: we can both be into cutting Ronnie: not a problem for me Joe: [when he's probably with his flatmate or similar like they will complain honey they basics lmao, meanwhile just like 😏] Joe: careful, people will think you care Ronnie: what fucking people Ronnie: your girlfriend Joe: for one Ronnie: muzzle your bitch or give her shit to sink her teeth into Ronnie: it aint complicated Joe: I don't think not glassing randoms is exactly rocket science either Ronnie: nothing random about you Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: you want some projection with that Joe: I found you, remember Ronnie: wasnt hiding nancy Ronnie: not still a runaway kid Joe: then don't hide Joe: I weren't looking for you, alright Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you said there aint no other bastards Joe: I meant tonight Joe: this is just coincidence, nothing more Ronnie: leave then Ronnie: your buyers remorse is about as welcome as you Joe: hardly Joe: that's not what it is either Ronnie: they were all out of shiny sisters baby Ronnie: take what you can get Joe: I've already got one of them Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i remember Joe: you don't want a refill then Joe: replace the one you tossed Ronnie: you on the spectrum or do you not wanna read social cues Joe: well I ain't leaving either way but if you don't wanna make the most outta it Joe: 👍 Ronnie: keep putting words in my mouth & see what happens to yours like Joe: what spectrum are you on if you think that constitutes a please and thanks Ronnie: take it up with your ma Ronnie: she wasnt about to teach me how to play nice Joe: not really her forte Ronnie: thats why im still waiting for my plane ticket home yeah Joe: possibly Joe: I don't know Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: how olds your good sister Joe: jury is out on good Joe: but 14 so we'll wait and see Ronnie: ill fucking drink to that Ronnie: if she was a write off shed already be Joe: depends on your perspective Joe: I try not to have one Joe: [is at bar] Ronnie: depends on your mas Ronnie: we cant all be black sheep Joe: exactly Joe: they don't really get on Joe: but she's probably just dreading the PTSD a teen pregnancy scare will bring Ronnie: should have kept me around Joe: yeah Ronnie: 1 more abortion and your country would offer me a fucking exorcism Ronnie: fun for all the family Joe: some girls have all the luck Joe: would not believe how hard it is for a lad to get one 🙄 Joe: [just putting the drinks for 'em on their table, when Charlie probs gonna flirt with you like oh hey] Ronnie: your girlfriend will let you hold her hand for her 1st Ronnie: stop sticking it in your cello & youll knock her up in no time Ronnie: [just staring at the drink like you've never seen one before] Joe: come on, she's CoE if I've ever seen it Joe: abortions? sure, but exorcisms ❌ Joe: [tryna just walk off but you know they'd be like who are you hello?! 'cos annoying lmao] Ronnie: not in ireland anymore baby Ronnie: [when you walk off like where the fuck have you got to be my dear] Joe: [at least he's not gonna drop the bomb, just being vague af like oh we met once or whatever goodbye] Joe: you gone yourself? 🛫🍀 Ronnie: on whos 💰 Joe: idk, your pals maybe Joe: but I've fucked off so he can at least top up your drink 'cos its long gone too Ronnie: wanker Ronnie: [comes back and punches charlie love you boy] Joe: [just wait 'til you have your own mindblown with that crazy connection boy] Joe: ✊ Ronnie: [gives him the biggest fuck you look ever like I can't believe you typed that] Joe: [just loling a lil 'scuse him company its not at whatever you said] Ronnie: [comes over, ignoring everyone else obvs, to drink his entire drink and walk off again] Joe: [omg stop flirting you two, everyone like what is going on tbh] Ronnie: [dancing with charlie cos he don't take kindly to being punched but you don't wanna answer his questions either] Joe: [save it for later you nosy hoe] Ronnie: [when you see his poor flatmate going to pee and follow her intimidatingly soz bitch] Joe: [this poor girl is in no way prepared lmao] Ronnie: [thinking she's about to get mugged or murdered] Joe: [when you're 18 and its your first time away from home no doubt this poor girl honestly] Ronnie: you deffo she aint catholic Ronnie: could see her in a penguin house Joe: weren't a question on the flatmate icebreakers Joe: shoulda asked for some segregrated accomodation but thought londoners were meant to be post-religion post-everything so Ronnie: 💔 it aint god its you baby Ronnie: shes no londoner Joe: no, I do know that one Joe: she's from Kent, I think Joe: or Surrey? Ronnie: not holy holier than tho Ronnie: u Ronnie: never gonna please a horse girl mckenna Joe: 😏 Joe: I'll not go there then Ronnie: charlies fucking easy to please Ronnie: youve done the 1 drink minimum & youll avoid the pregnancy scare Joe: I think he's the one that does the pleasing Joe: so I've been assured Ronnie: gets him off dont worry like Joe: I'll sleep easy now, tah Ronnie: lullabies are shit but yeah Joe: 🤞 that ain't his encore either Ronnie: if it aint opening an artery to spray the crowd count me the fuck out Joe: I wouldn't hold your breath Joe: though might be more fun Ronnie: [dramatically holds her breath in his direction like kids do] Joe: [just watching 'cos weird and into it] Ronnie: [lowkey going purple probably because you know she won't stop til she hits the deck] Joe: [just watching 'til the last sec when you obvs gonna catch her] Ronnie: [giving him a look when he does like we have to stop meeting like this but then exposing his tattoo wherever that is cos gotta check that really happened] Joe: [I hope you didn't opt for your booty, lol, probably inner bicep moment or something 'cos not that bitch getting those out at any chance] Ronnie: [just touching it like you're not shamelessly flirting with your brother okay then] Joe: [just looking at her face hardcore 'cos you can pretend you're checking her tat too] Ronnie: [when you come back to yourself and remember you're supposed to hate him for being your brother so you push him away unnecessarily hard and retreat to your corner] Joe: [go off to the bathroom yourself boy] Ronnie: [french exit while he's gone even though it'll make Charlie more annoying] Joe: [have fun Joseph] Joe: you missed the bloodbath Ronnie: made my own Joe: safer bet Joe: on all counts Ronnie: safer for your girlfriend Ronnie: & you Joe: you know she ain't my girlfriend Ronnie: no shit you dont wanna claim that conquest Joe: wrong again Joe: not gonna bang my flatmate who pays the bigger part of the rent 'cos she gets the en-suite Joe: give me some credit Ronnie: shed give you some if you gave it up to her Ronnie: but if youd rather pay rent Joe: there's no way I can keep that going 4 years Ronnie: she aint hacking it Ronnie: you can fucking smell the homesickness Joe: its like, down the road init Joe: ugh Ronnie: & Ronnie: she cant fit her horse in the en suite baby Joe: 😂 Joe: true..I'll make some rich friends to move in when she gallops off into the sunset then Ronnie: theyll not slum it with you for 4 years Joe: but I'm so charming Joe: what's the solution then, sis? Ronnie: sell yourself or kill yourself Joe: 👌 Joe: already with ya Ronnie: yeah dead connected us Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you're the only one that's allowed to be suicidal? Ronnie: oldest cunt gets dibs Ronnie: aint that how this sibling shit plays Ronnie: whatever you wanna do ive already done it Joe: half the time Joe: but the other half is youngest gets away with it 'cos they're cuter so Ronnie: cause theyre a crybaby Ronnie: yeah you can have that soft lad Joe: 😥 bit of a prerequisite for the suicide Joe: so generous Ronnie: i left you alive so you can do yourself in Ronnie: since youve got such a boner for it Ronnie: generosity begins & ends Joe: You can stop thinking about my boners then Joe: that'll be my attempt at the virtue Ronnie: put em away Joe: you tryna expose me Ronnie: you dont need my help Ronnie: flashers keep more hidden than you Joe: really Joe: don't seem like that's something that would bother you Ronnie: youre that special mckenna Ronnie: every fucking thing you do bothers me Joe: 💘 Joe: check facebook some more, I'll keep my events up to date Joe: can avoid each other easy Ronnie: nah you see me you walk the other way Joe: I got places to be babe Ronnie: yeah a&e Ronnie: if you dont get the fuck outta my face Joe: see, you're well about it Joe: I got it, yeah, we're not family Ronnie: were nothing Ronnie: & if thats what gets you off pay for it like the other cunts do Ronnie: not my 9-5 Joe: I found Soho by myself, don't worry Joe: we're good Ronnie: boss Ronnie: stay there Joe: more expensive than Sophie's horse that Ronnie: train her up to be whatever the fuck you want then Ronnie: 4 years in she could probably kiss with tongue like Joe: you gotta ask yourself why you care Joe: 'cos I know Ronnie: i dont have to ask myself fuck all Joe: deny it then Joe: works for me Ronnie: theres no need to deny theres cunts i wanna talk to less than you Ronnie: or i that i gotta have something to do while i wait Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're all talk Joe: say no more Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah fuck me Ronnie: stick your therapy speak in whatever hole you reckon can take it Ronnie: ill reverse over your head before i submit to this psychology bullshit Joe: not what I'm studying Joe: or doing Ronnie: you reckon if you say im all talk itll get you some action Ronnie: dream on motherfucker Ronnie: i dont look like her that much Joe: bold assumption Ronnie: nah Ronnie: charlies more like a brother than you & ive done everything there is to do to that tosser Joe: bold to assume I'm half as fucked up as you Joe: spent long enough telling me I can't be 'cos I got a ma and now I wanna fuck her, okay Ronnie: wearing it on your sleeve aint you though baby Ronnie: saw your arm & yeah i reckon halfs about right Ronnie: but me at 19 wouldve left you in more pieces than that Joe: you must be proud Ronnie: what the fuck of Joe: your 19 year old self Ronnie: youd have liked me better at 9 Joe: alright but a nonce joke is hardly original Ronnie: neithers wanting to fuck your ma Ronnie: read a book schoolboy Joe: that's you throwing that about Joe: not one I ask the prozzies to act out tah Ronnie: what the fuck else was your lil challenge about then Joe: what was yours? Ronnie: i didnt fire any shots shithead Joe: not true Joe: i got the 🍒 to prove it Ronnie: fuck me youre that cunt Ronnie: 1 sos & i owe you my life yeah Joe: where'd you hear that Joe: what was it, needle not clean or something Ronnie: you dont need to wait for a death that slow Ronnie: fucking do it Joe: why do you do it Ronnie: why do you give a shit what i do Joe: interesting Joe: why do you fuck with your face like that Ronnie: too late to keep it pretty for you Ronnie: should have nancy drewed this shit earlier Joe: you ain't gonna answer Joe: alright Ronnie: cant we both like pain Ronnie: is that your problem Joe: 'course Joe: no monopoly on that shit Joe: its universal, so the books say Ronnie: bullshit do you read fuck all else but sheet music Joe: not no more Joe: but i can read more than scales, like Joe: have to write essays and shit sometimes Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: save this riveting shit for your flatmates Joe: she does art Joe: dunno what the lad does, he's out his room less than me Ronnie: horse cocks out of clay like Ronnie: bet shes the professors pet Joe: 🤞 she gets in an ill-advised affair with a pervy prof Ronnie: every other repressed white bitch has done it Joe: my home is safe Joe: hooray Ronnie: til i sleuth your address Joe: then its petrol bombs and dog shit, I know Ronnie: after theres fuck all left to steal Ronnie: 🤡s in films 🔥💸 Joe: and eat six year old's arms Joe: crack on Ronnie: i aint bitten any kids since i was Joe: I'm proud even if you ain't then Ronnie: raise the bar baby Joe: guess the other lad you were with don't technically count no more Joe: actual kids are that annoying Ronnie: kids get to be annoying Joe: lucky ones Joe: the ones that get to be kids Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: youll be born & die a saint Ronnie: such a fucking martyr Joe: when God comes a calling, you can't refuse, obvs Joe: guess that's what she gets for not aborting you, nice bonus for being good Ronnie: yeah Joe: likes a joke as much as the next Joe: gutted for her Ronnie: cant take the scouse sinner out of her however much irish catholic dick shes taken since Ronnie: 💔 Joe: if its only paddys in heaven, I'll lose the invite Ronnie: you better stay in purgatory then Ronnie: dont want you in hell with me Joe: you're just jealous I'll be too busy getting tortured by some other demon Joe: you're alright, anguishing over my wrongs for eternity sounds like a bit of me Joe: I can hack it, more painful than being sodomized with pitchforks or whatever weak shit you're in store for Ronnie: wanna see your cum face even less Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: 😂 Joe: shh, you already know he's got that sick sense of humour Joe: your own clockwork orange moment for eternity now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you ain't nothing like I thought when I was 🔎🤔 Ronnie: cheers for the romantic cliche you pussy Joe: you're that special Joe: and welcome Ronnie: what did you reckon id be like Joe: like the rest of 'em Joe: complete the cliche Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what, I did Joe: there ain't a bigger compliment, honestly Ronnie: i dont wanna hear your compliments Ronnie: or how big they are Joe: 😏 Joe: you asked Ronnie: cause i cant resist hearing how fucking soft you are Joe: that makes you pretty fucking soft yourself then don't it Ronnie: fuck you Joe: back here, yeah Ronnie: back at get someone else to knock you out Joe: shouldn't be hard Ronnie: depends how hard you are Ronnie: could be a turn on or off Joe: either way, its incentive for them to go harder Joe: can't lose, me Ronnie: enjoy yourself baby Joe: never Joe: if I lose my overwhelming urge to die what have I got Ronnie: new overwhelming urges Joe: won't be that good Ronnie: write it in your diary i didnt ask for your review Joe: you can do that you know Joe: they've all got profiles, like they're a shit local pub or something Ronnie: what a fucking state Joe: won't miss it when I'm in pugatory Ronnie: if i had a shot for every time you cried your eyes out id miss that Joe: you'd miss having a liver Joe: and functioning braincell Ronnie: didnt mean that kind of shot shithead Joe: your aim is for shit, true Ronnie: or that one Joe: ahh Ronnie: you had me at dirty needles 💘 Joe: s'worth being alive for, then? Ronnie: what the fuck waste of a question is that Joe: why? Ronnie: what do you think Joe: reason I'm asking Joe: if its just another slow way to kill yourself then I'm sound but if its more than that then its a potential for the repertoire Ronnie: if it was id have taken a faster way out Joe: its noted Ronnie: why do you wanna die Joe: its not even Joe: I ain't actually sad, soz to burst your 😥 bubble, IOU some shots, whatever Joe: just wanna turn my head off, not have to participate Joe: deal with any of it Joe: but saying you wanna be put in a coma doesn't quite have the same punch Ronnie: underline that note then Joe: yeah? Joe: not like I've never thought about it Joe: think about it a lot, hence the need for a fucking switch Joe: how cliche to look like I'm doing it to spite her though, eh? Ronnie: whatever you take now thats strawberry flavoured childhood bullshit Ronnie: youve found your prescribed dose of working adult medicine Joe: it don't touch it, not worth taking unless you wanna down half a blister at a time and have a decent kip Joe: get me some and I'll pay you 20% for your trouble Ronnie: come over Ronnie: told you im waiting Joe: alright Joe: if I ask for your current location do I give away that I'm not a decent stalker Ronnie: youve fucking shown that card bitch Joe: figured Joe: be obliging then Ronnie: [a location of who the fuck knows where cos we don't need Charlie or Bronson there for this excuse you lads] Joe: [when you need some privacy for your bonding] Ronnie: [when you need some privacy to shoot up your half brother who you ain't even told your other fam about] Joe: [fun and games] Joe: cool Joe: 🤞 i'm there just after the heroin Ronnie: get here before or ill be in no state to keep obliging you Joe: I'm yet to be initiated, my timekeeping skills are 🔥 Ronnie: give a shit about your cv Joe: I'll be there Ronnie: your loss if you aint Ronnie: dont come crying to me Ronnie: i wont hear it for fucking ages Joe: i'm not an idiot Ronnie: it dont matter who or what you are Ronnie: stopped listening after the ill be there Joe: 💘 Ronnie: get it tattooed next yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: over the real fucker Ronnie: cause you love a cliche Joe: 'course Joe: have to find another dickhead with a gun though Joe: that one did not know his left from his right Ronnie: get what you pay for baby Ronnie: & we didnt Joe: touche Joe: I'll forgo accuracy for that Joe: and the dirty needle, obvs Ronnie: getting to put his hand on my tit will blow the brains he has like Joe: 😏 Ronnie: but if i toss him off thatll get shit back on track Joe: hot Joe: love that you have a plan Ronnie: cute Ronnie: you reckoning im pure chaos Ronnie: not your manic pixie dream skank Joe: ain't planning on being a composer Joe: least not now Joe: don't need to write about you Ronnie: 💔 Joe: make up your mind Ronnie: you aint on my mind mckenna Ronnie: dont get your balls in a twist Joe: do you wanna be on mine or not Ronnie: i know whats on yours Joe: same Joe: makes a change Ronnie: compose a song about your confusion then like Joe: less cliche than a love song Joe: still Ronnie: do it from the pov of the horse Ronnie: be a hit with your flatmate Joe: you just wanna get me stalked Joe: paybacks a bitch, yeah Ronnie: wanna get your habit paid for before you start it Ronnie: throw her a boner Ronnie: whats the fucking drama Joe: i don't fancy her Joe: nor having the convo about where all her moneys going Ronnie: & Ronnie: i dont fancy the cunt with the tattoo gun Ronnie: got fuck all to do with it Joe: & Joe: you're lowering standards, not getting anything up Ronnie: close your eyes & think of gear Ronnie: youll do anything for a horse like that Joe: let me try it first Ronnie: dont need to hear about your trust issues baby Joe: better stop talking now then Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: [you know when its like 'removed message' that] Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what Ronnie: i cant cut your sense of humour out Ronnie: cant live with it Joe: no funny business Joe: just a buttdial Ronnie: charlie aint here but adorable that you 2 homos hit it off Joe: just scousers gotta stick together or did you know him from back home Ronnie: he didnt give you the rundown Ronnie: mustve made him speechless mckenna Joe: too busy trying to work out how I knew you Ronnie: we grew up together Ronnie: & the mime standing next to us Joe: cool Ronnie: nah Ronnie: fucked Joe: I mean that you still know 'em, talk to 'em Ronnie: we aint trying to throw our family away for a new one Joe: like I said, s'cool Ronnie: like i said hes gonna eat that shit up Ronnie: you fawning over his family set up Joe: good to know Joe: not really my type either, call me fussy Ronnie: fucks sake Ronnie: join the god squad now & save yourself the 12 steps Joe: 'cos I don't wanna do a bloke or my horse girl roommate Ronnie: cause you only wanna do your ma Joe: you can't just give me dud options and come to that conclusion Ronnie: we playing fuck marry kill now Joe: not playing nothing with you Joe: cheater Ronnie: crybaby Joe: you'll 😥 when I have to kill your mate Ronnie: you wish Joe: making people cry is your thing Joe: I don't need to fight that claim Ronnie: like you aint been wanting to save me again since the 1st time Ronnie: thats your thing yeah Joe: save you from what? Joe: smack? obviously not Joe: other self-destructive tendencies? try again Ronnie: it obviously dont matter Ronnie: id never seen you & id still never seen a cunt more excited to do a rescue Joe: and I'd never seen you Joe: maybe you'd got all kinds of fucked up 'cos of all the shit I dragged up Joe: basic decency ain't nothing to get excited about Ronnie: i know how to self soothe im a big girl now Joe: didn't need you self-soothing yourself to death on my conscience Ronnie: didnt ask you to give a shit Ronnie: catholic guilts best left at home baby Ronnie: youll never find a place with the cockneys Joe: about myself? Joe: its barely but hanging on by a thread Joe: soz Joe: dead girls fuck you up Ronnie: not your type either then Joe: ultimate type Joe: don't wanna commit right now, tah Ronnie: 🤞 i od & you can finally sort your misery boner out Joe: too giving you Ronnie: im dead i aint giving a shit Joe: put that on the headstone Ronnie: pay for it you write whatever cliche you want Joe: you want a classy picture affair Joe: got it Ronnie: stop getting me Ronnie: it makes me wanna blow my brains out Joe: its obvious you wanna be seen Joe: no spooky sibling connection required Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what's better than ruining a graveyards ambiance for the mourners for the forseeable Ronnie: theres no room in the ground soft lad Joe: they just chuck you in with the old bones Joe: or 'move' them Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: plague pit is the way to go Ronnie: fit the horse & the girl Ronnie: how fucking romantic Joe: that's me Ronnie: ill put john in the 💘 for you baby Ronnie: your ma robbed you blind of so many lennon comparisons Joe: still time to be pretentious with soph Joe: fuck off getting out of bed for good Ronnie: smother her with a pillow & fuck her corpse youll be feeling peace & love Joe: 💎🍓💘 Ronnie: playing with emojis & yourself aint getting you here Ronnie: hurry up Joe: can't make you any closer Ronnie: 💔

[frankensteindotpdf]

TGWDLM and Love

Okayyyy so I was supposed to write an assignment on how a romantic movie expresses love and I asked my prof if I could write about tgwdlm instead and he said yes?? Bless him so anyway I made wayyyy too many notes for a 500-600 word assignment lmao so I felt like i might as well post em here… this is a compilation of every time Paul and Emma interact pretty much lol its hella long (im not kidding it’s like 7 pages rip) so under the cut :) 

finally done, @isaidsinggoddammit!!

Sidenote: There’s very mixed capitalization as my brain flipped between tumblr mode and assignment mode so excuse that lmao)

Coffee Shop Part 1

Tips well to impress her

Listens to her vent-she already feels comfy enough to rant to him or, alternatively, she’s just a really open person (but shhh she has to trust him to some extent)

Insults others he doesnt know too well but he knows she doesnt like, again to impress

Tries to act indifferent towards everyone else (and tough)

Almost says smth romantic (“Some things are worth it”) but backtracks when she looks confused

In this scene, he tries to act cool but is clearly super nervous. One thing I really like is how he never acts too cool for her, like a lotta people do. He’s genuinely interested in what she has to say and never pretends otherwise, and also never pretends to be interested to get her to like him. I just really love how good he is at listening

Cup of Roasted Coffee/ Cup of Poisoned Coffee

When he panics he goes to Beanies to get a coffee and relax (wake up)

He turns to Emma (subconsciously?) for comfort

Freaks out when she sings (for good reason)

Emma remembers him (“Paul, right?... You’re the guy who doesn’t like musicals”)

Doesnt seem to notice how weird he’s acting

Continues to vent

He pulls her away from the counter to explain what’s going on

Paul finds it important to tell her-she’s the first person he admits it to

Him venting to her like she does to him? Trying to connect in a similar way? Im reading too much into that

He holds her there while explaining, she has to find an excuse to pull away

She thinks he’s crazy-keeps glancing at him during the song (he looks terrified)

Seems concerned for him

He switches between nervously staring at her and anxiously staring into the void (mood)

She turns to him at the “end” of the song and comes near him in the middle

She runs to paul when they start singing

They grab each other

He tells her to run, pushes her forward and shifts so he’s between her and the aliens

This scene is reeeally creepy from Emma’s perspective like oh my gosh can you imagine a man yelling at you (not at you but at your singing but still) and pulling you away from your work and then holding you still when you try to leave??? Anxiety to the max poor babe but also i get paul’s side can you imagine seeing the whole apocalypse beginning and it’s so weird no one would believe you if you tried to tell them? Poor bb. There’s also a lot of things that come up later: the ways he holds emma in this scene is the same way he holds her later one, later it’s to comfort her but  this time it’s more to calm himself… he also pulls her to a better spot like he does later on

Trash Bin Scene

He leads her away-he knows the neighbourhood better

Tries learning about her (you like film?) (cmon paul bad timing)

(at trash) hold hands, she grabs his shirt while panicking

He holds her firmly by the shoulders to calm & comfort (parallels Cuppa)

Emma instinctively grabs Paul’s arm when Bill pops out

“Emma stays with us”-stands up to ted even though he looks pretty scared of him

(sidenote-what did ted do to Paul? The poor boy looks straight up terrified the first time he shows up)

Emma looks real confused about “latte hottay” but she never brings it up

“Paul!” when he runs to Charlotte-gestures at Paul near end of song

Paul tends to comfort people by grabbing their shoulders/putting a hand on their back (Emma of course but also Charlotte and Bill- has a looser hold on them than Emma)

Here they’re already starting to react to danger by reaching for each other and it’s v cute also bless paul i just really like how he calms people down he’s so good and pure

Hidgens’ Fortress Part 1

They trust Emma enough to go to Hidgens’ place (not like they had many other options)

Men™ typically trusted for “strong” stuff-Ted and Bill cuff Sam

Paul stands up for Bill-such a protective boy (could also be doing it to look cool for Emma but tbh it doesnt seem like it ill bring this up again later)

Paul listens intently to Emma’s venting

He smiles, nods, asks qs and repeats phrases she says

Its obvious he genuinely cares

Emma’s v comfy with him-they have an easy chem when Paul relaxes

Emma progressively shares deeper shit as she becomes more comfortable around paul

Paul makes jokes to lighten the mood, but not in a disrespectful way

Seems more nervous when bringing topics to himself

She listens just as politely as he does

“Whoa thats like your origin story...so I guess I’m the supervillain” “I dont think of you like that at all, Emma.” Cutest, Softest smiles on both of them my heART “Listen, Paul”-she was about to confess her love dammit charlotte

I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: Paul is such a good listener. I dont know why i find this so cute but their convos are so perfect like he asks qs so he knows exactly what she’s talking about (“what’s a coatimundi?” “Oh, did she smoke a lot of pot?”) and he repeats back phrases she says which shows that he’s genuinely listening like...so many characters (and people irl, lets be real)  just pretend to listen to get what they want but he cares so much about what she has to say i just cant stop talking about it it’s so cute also how he seems so comfortable when she’s talking and then starts showing sign of nervousness again when the convo turns to him? Pure mood

Join Us And Die

Both jump behind chair when Charlotte and Sam show up

Emma clings to Paul’s arm + hides behind him

She steps out “charlotte?”

Paul pulls her back when sam approaches

Paul puts himself between Emma and Sam

Emma puts her back to Paul and grabs his arm

Paul pulls Emma away by her arm (“What’s wrong with her shirt?”)

Emma’s caught up in the gore, Paul is relatively level-headed

He keeps an arm around her

Emma steps away from paul to yell at Sam +Char (“He has a daughter!!”)

Instinctively reaches for Paul  when Char gets shot (and later looks back at paul a couple of times when shook at prof hidgens)

Alright they do this whenever aliens show up so imma just talk about it here: this part was in my assignment so 1 lets hope it doesnt get flagged as plagiarism and 2 i could rant about this all day.

Basically Paul fulfills the traditional masculine role as protector and leader. Whenever smth dangerous shows up, he has one hand on her (on her shoulder, arm or the small of her back)-both reassuring them that someone else is there and making it easier for him to move her-which he does lots. He pulls her behind him or pushes her forward (away from the infected), leading her to where he thinks is safest. He always puts himself between her and the aliens, leading her to a safer spot. Emma tends to get distracted (emotional female stereotype) and paul is the one to move them both to safety (strong stoic man stereotype). To be fair, he is a lot bigger than emma and would probs have an easier time in a fight (tho i dont doubt that emma would be v i c i o u s) Emma tend to cling to Paul’s arm when she gets scared (which is really cute)

Hidgens’ Fortress Part 2

Emma adds to Paul’s plan- taps on his arm to move him

Paul steps back in front of her- i always found this weird, he totally blocks her from the conversation like why

She steps back out to roast ted

Paul looks at Emma when Ted @s him-now here’s where I could see him standing up for Bill to impress emma again. It’s not the only reason, but i do think it’s a contributing factor (and probably was before too cuz lets be real, when your crush is around you gotta act tough) of course he wants to protect his bff but he’s super anxious around ted so wanting to look brave for emma gives him that extra push he needs. Alternatively, he looks at Emma as a way to calm himself down before saying smth scary (which is adorable)

Emma wants to help but is called back to help with the lab

This is another thing i find super interesting-wouldnt more people around make it more likely he gets stopped? Did he want an audience (more than just ted) cuz i guess that’s understandable but in that case why didnt he wait a little longer to see if they came back? Idk it just seemed weird to me (also the whole “nooo female cant go out where it’s dangerous” even though it’s more like “oh emma’s the only one i know here can she not leave” wait actually that’s probably it lmao he just didnt wanna be alone with ted ok relatable nvm )

“Hey, Paul?” grabs arms (paul reciprocates) she’s real nervous for him leaving-relates to how much he hates musicals

I find that really cute cuz it’s showing once again how much they listen to each other and idk i just really like that about them

Grabs his face and pulls him close-he pulls her hands down to look her in the eyes to tell her he’ll stay safe

He doesn’t kiss her-super interesting! She pulled him close like that (which coulda been a sign to kiss her) and this was a pretty emotionally charged moment which a kiss would have fit - Paul hates kisses hc?

Not Your Seed + General (technically, just a little note)

Paul holds Emma tight with 2 hands, but keeps 1 hand free when holding others (ie bill and charlotte)

Only tells General about Emma, not Ted or the Prof (tho to be fair, he hates ted and barely knows the prof but it’s interesting how he doesnt even say he has “friends”, just Emma)

America Is Great Again

Paul saves emma and Ted

“Should I take this chair?” asks paul to lead

Emma holds Paul’s arm when they run

She tries to pry “Greg”’s arm off Paul + tries to get Ted to help-not strong enough

“Thank you Emma”-she freed him/killed Greg? I wanna know what happened (i tweeted @ jon, lauren and nick asking, so far jon just liked it we’ll see if anyone answers)

Runs behind Emma + pushes her forward “run, emma, run!”-Emma grabs for Paul, he steps in front

He pulls her through Robert+Corey and turns her around

She pulls him away from the General-paul usually does the pulling to safety

Paul doesnt notice when Emma is grabbed by Ted (lmao i get that he’s a little busy but it still seems odd)

She struggles with 1, 3 are on Paul (not a sexist thing, she’s tiny and also Paul is the main character and the aliens know it plus they gotta do that cool lift thing)

Emma grabs gun + shoots the General, grabbing Paul-”Paul! The helicopter! Cmon!”

Usually Paul does that stuff, but emma takes the protective role more in the 2nd half of this song

Basically we have the classic paul protecting emma stuff but now also the emma protecting paul which is good and fresh and i love...the way she tries to protect paul is different than how he protects her. She yells more frantically, and also is more of trying to lead him whereas paul yells to get her attention and physically moves her himself

Helicopter Scene

He helps her onto the heli, back to his usual protective self

Keeps one hand on the back of her seat the whole time (aww he’s stabilizing himself physically cuz the copter’s shaky and emotionally cuz he’s closer to Emma)

“Emma, seatbelts” he reaches up to help her into her seat-he kicks the gun to save them

“Emma? Emma?” immediate response is to call out to her-that boy was literally awake less than a second before worrying about her i love him

Runs to her when he sees her

“”This is what seatbelts are for” in this scene he seems really like...over it? Idk if anyone else got that he just seemed really intent on destroying the meteor instead of anything to do with Emma… before saving their lives was priority but also spending time with her, here he nods like he’s trying to rush her and does not seem excited to kiss her (again, Paul hates kisses? ok that was a rant that got ahead of my notes but just-) this scene is weird to me like maybe he’s trying to rush to stop the meteor so they can be together after and like not die idk anymore

He reaches out for her, jumping away when she cries out in pain

The rest of the scene he has his hands hovering a few inches away from her, very protective but also very scared of hurting her

Emma comes up with the solution, Paul has to do it cuz she’s hurt (weak gal, strong man, injured person knows secret to survival and tells strong boi how to do it tropes)

“Hey, Paul?” slides over to him-he gingerly supports her back (scared to hurt her)

He shushes her to calm her while talking cuz she’s in pain- ok, maybe its less about “gotta get out of here” and more about “she’s hurt really badly and needs help asap, i gotta destroy that meteor so i can get help” ok that makes sense im dumb lmao

Emma is first to ask out + kiss me? + pulling him in by his tie- breakin stereotype of man making first move

Then the little “..okay..” after she asks him to kiss her...maybe he wanted it to be romantic aww he wanted them to have a real cute first kiss and this wasnt what he had planned (or he just doesn’t like kisses cuz like he looks so uncomfortable there’s gotta be a reason”

He doesnt wanna kiss her cuz of the blood (weak) and is happy to leave-this part is what throws me off most he just like runs on outta there with no hesitation but he loves her?? I dont get it

Dont really need a rant here cuz i did a lotta ranting in the points… excuse my little journey of discovery there lmao I was just confused at first cuz at face value he seems really different, super hell bent on getting out of there whereas in every other scene he pays way more attention to Emma. I suppose it’s because he knows he has to destroy the meteor asap so he can get her help, i just didnt catch that. His motivations seemed very different in this scene to me and i couldnt figure out why

Theory time

Now here’s the fun part-i saw a theory somewhere that Paul can only get infected because he has a true goal now, he really wants to end up with Emma. In What Do You Want, Paul? Mr. Davidson is trying to find out what he wants to use it as motivation to make him more susceptible to the virus/make him sing a song, but since Paul doesn’t want anything clearcut he cant be infected. Now, since Paul wants Emma, he has a goal and smth to fight for but also smth to sing about. The very reason he’ trying to save the world becomes the reason he fails.

HOWEVER. His goal could just as easily be saving the world cuz he literally doesnt bring emma up once? Like i get he’s preoccupied but idk if he’s about to die i feel like he’d at least mention her (unless he’s hoping they think she died and wont go looking for her if he fails) idk their romance is adorable until the scene before this and then these 2 scenes make it feel really off for me

Okay now onto the most fun scene >:) -since there’s so many details i separated them into actions and lyrics

Inevitable (Actions)

“Are you sure there weren’t any other survivors?” :(

“PEIP would like to see it become smth more” because she’s the love interest and they’re supposed to end up together ahhh it’s the alien talking

She grabs his arms to look him in the eyes then pulls him in for a hug (the cutest)

She’s v reluctant to believe it at first “Paul?” She’s still smiling for the first line

Slowly she starts to let herself see what’s happening “Paul, you’re scaring me”

She knows he’s infected but she’s trying her hardest to believe he could be playing a cruel joke

He has power over her physically- holds her where he wants her while they’re dancing

He dances with her at first, gestures to her to move closer, talks to her, moves towards dancing at her instead of with

He blocks her exit, pulls her to where he wants her and ignores her for part

This is where you can really tell he’s different. Paul would never ignore Emma, and he straight up ignores her to sing and dance

He points at her and then goes back to ignoring her

Emma starts sobbing and really trying to run

Emma is dragged to the center of the stage sobbing because she cant do anything

He drops character in credits, waving and smiling to the audience; she doesnt

He’s got physical power over her (strength) but also cuz he’s backed by all the aliens who can move her where she’s supposed to go

Inevitable (lyrics)

“Emma, I’m sorry, you lost.” couldnt kill aliens

“Lost your way” didnt want to join them

“I made it” ‘This is the life that I chose” “I’m still the man you trust” “what if the only choice is you had to sing to survive” “Put words to the lyrics and you’re playing the game now” -maybe he’s faking it (i also heard someone mention the fact that he sings in his natural voice and not the higher one he used for the Alien Brain in Let It Out which is a good catch) (also someone else brought up the fact that he was mostly singing reprises, maybe because he couldnt think up his own tune/entirely original lyrics?)

“It’s inevitable for us”-because she’s the love interest, it’s was inevitable that they’d wind up together

“Show me those jazz hands” He’s trying to convince her to join of her own free will

“or i might be inclined to plant my seed” but is willing to do it by force if she wont

This song is super interesting because of the parallels-he holds her the same way he did in previous songs, pulls and pushes her across the stage like before, but this time it’s turned against her. What was once meant as protection is now being used to force her to join the dance I talked more about this in my assignment but i dont wanna get too close to what i wrote before because it could get flagged for plagiarism and i do not want that so imma reblog this post alter and add my assignment for more info (if yall want anyway)

The lyrics could hint at Paul faking it, and it definitely appears that way (especially with the face he makes at “Im still the man you trust) but i think the part in the middle where he just kind of breaks off to dance really kills that idea for me. Even if he was trying to trick the aliens, he could have kept closer to Emma like he does every other time they’re in danger, and the fact that he straight up ignores her and lets the aliens move her around like that is just not in his character so apologies but i believe our man is gone

Also, regarding the theories that Emma is infected because of the beginning; I could see that happening, but in that case, why didnt she break character at the end? I have absolutely zero idea how/if the intro song fits into the story but idk i feel like she should’ve acted like the rest of them if she really was infected but on the other hand i really like the heartbreaking theory that they’re all infected and Paul just has to keep reliving the story of how he failed again and again for all eternity like ouch? But also? Its great in a painful way??

Um yeah so that’s that for my ranting (my 3 pages of notes became 7 pages with the rants included so sorry about that i just had so much to sayyyy

TLDR: paul and emma are cute thanks for coming to my ted talk

[lcstwarden-blog]

real random

im nervous to post this tbh, bc tumblr is a place i come to, to sorta distance myself from... outside of tumblr stuff?. Everyone here is great and super supportive and i hate dragging my own problems through here, but i feel as if this is mildly important. 

i mentioned yesterday in an ask that a fact about myself is that i cant hold conversations and its got me thinking a lot about it. I always think about it tbh bc conversations are something that happen daily, and it lowkey sucks? like it sounds like something so small, but it sucks when you really want to talk to someone you possibly admire (not romantically or anything, or maybe sometimes, but not always the case with me anyways) and you just.. dont know what to say? And you can literally FEEL them slipping away but you just dont know what to do or how to approach it or what to say. for mee the main reason why i cant talk to anyone cause im always scared that I would say the wrong thing. So im forever questioning myself on what to say and sometimes that can lead to moments where I dont respond at all bc its too late. Its a mad dick thing to do, i know, but what else can i do? im in a discord and everyone in is great, theyre all nice people but i just hate it cause i can never contribute to anything.

im telling you all this sorta like a psa? i guess? I dont mean to ignore you guys when it comes to ooc chat. It’s a little silly to over think this.. thing i do, but i feel its safer for you guys to know. 

[intothespideyverses]

so I had a season 2b/3 predictions post in my drafts that’s been sitting there since the bar mitzvah episode but now that so many Things have happened I feel like I kinda need to redo it. funnily enough I predicted juffy (but it was one-sided), ham having a midlife crisis (although the midlife crisis was linked to ham having a health scare that caused him to try to ‘live every day like its his last’ and not ham being so Done with his family that he just leaves them for india) and the post also mentions tyrus and g*briel coming back (neither have been been confirmed yet but they’re very likely) so! here’s my New and Improved list of Season 3 Predictions/Ideas:

[Disclaimer: I doubt a lot of this will happen bc my mind automatically goes for the most melodramatic scenario. This is still disney channel and they’re too cowardly to go thru with like half of this tbh. also tw for minor abuse mention!]

The G*briel Plot

-g*be comes back and reminds bex of “””why she can never marry anyone””” just as bowie is about to bring up maybe getting back together again. the reason why they shot a wedding scene and the whole green screen thing is bc bex has a nightmare about marrying bowie but then everyone’s heads turn into gabe’s. the following is literally copy and pasted from the first post and tbh I don’t think things will happen this way anymore (I originally thought miranda wasn’t going to be a snake and that her and bowie would get married, leading bex to run back to g*briel so andi could have a father figure in her life again) but it’s still a p interesting plot I think so: g*be’s an abusive asshole. it’s still disney so I doubt they’d show that much but like…he’s very manipulative and he kisses bex really hard all the time in front of everyone and he’s super possessive, etc. he gives bex the silent treatment every time she hangs out with bowie and thus the whole “ask if they’re mad 3 times” thing and on the third time he always yells at her in front of andi. andi notices all of this and tells bowie but bowie thinks she’s just saying that to break bex/gabe up so she can get back with bowie. that is until he witnesses the tomfoolery himself when the couples are on a double date so bowie takes her aside and starts questioning her but bex lies and this whole ugly thing continues on for several episodes until bex and satan have one last fight that goes too far (he says something about andi probably) thats about to get physical and andi strolls in w/ a phone in her hand like 91 fucking 1 bitch. pack your bags ur going home rat! and he’s finally gone and andi tells bex that she doesn’t need another dad if it means bex puts herself thru that kinda torture. and they have another closure ceremony <3

The Divorce Plot

-ham decides to permanently travel the world. he probably comes back for an episode to get cece to sign them divorce papers. this starts a huge plotline that will probably get ignored after 2 episodes lbr here but we finally see cece SNAP bc the way she’s been behaving lately has definitely been leading up to that

-bex is going off the rails at this. she starts slacking at work and the business that caused the rift in her parents’ marriage in the first place is starting to fall apart. the light bill is going unpaid and bex is crumbling. she doesn’t want anyone to know so she makes andi stay at cece’s while she’s living in darkness. bowie visits one day and is like “tf happened to the lights” and bex has a breakdown. she tells him everything and bowie comforts her and offers to help (how? who the hell knows!). bex is so touched that she admits to having feelings for bowie still. bowie turns her down tho bc she’s in a rly emotional state and doesn’t want to take advantage of her. 

-andi eventually finds out what’s been going on and tells cece. cece is the last person bex wanted to know about cloud ten struggling, as cloud ten was the only thing keeping cece sane. they eventually have a heart-to-heart and bex/andi encourage cece to get some closure from ham

The Wandi Plot/Death of Jandi

-wandi rises. they resolve to just be friends at the end of season 2 but after a lot of things that I’ll mention later, andi realizes walker was the one for her :’). they paint a mural alongside cloud ten and cece makes some offhand comment about them becoming a painting duo, which they LOVE. they go around the town offering to paint on the walls of local businesses and it’s rly cute. god can you imagine the montages?? andi is in puppy love however we have like 5 episodes of her despairing over if walker even LIKES her anymore after months of just being friends. the roles are reversed and she’s the one doing all these things to get his attention. bc he’s not an oblivious Fool like jonah, walker picks up on this relatively fast and wandi is official!!

-that leads us to what will come of jandi? they perish of course. andi starts getting jealous of jonah hanging out with all these high school girls and naturally there’s more and more miscommunication and jonah whines about her friendship with walker etc etc etc just break up already god. andi eventually realizes that she’s just not feeling it and she puts her foot down to bex that he’s just not right for her!! bc tbh at this point the only reason she still fw jonah is bc of bex’s constant encouragement 

The Tyrus Plot

-tyrus happens obviously. if we ever actually get a real apology from tj (which I’m doubting at this point lol) this can happen smoothly. I kinda imagine tj trying to teach cyrus how to swim (swimming is definitely on cyrus’ list of things he can’t do) and the first time it happens tj is SO sure cyrus will be able to do it that he lets him go out on the deep end on his own and uh lmao ya boi almost drowns. buffy’s there and she saves him and she tells tj to stay away from cy bc hello he could’ve McDied and tj, crushed over the fact that cyrus could’ve met a watery grave, actually does what she says. cyrus tells buffy that it was his dumbass decision to go on the deep end tho, and tj didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, so buffy relents. cyrus practices by himself and makes it his goal to learn how to swim in order to impress tj. he invites tj to the neighborhood pool one day as a surprise and he just like...cannonballs into the deep end (but he’s STILL not ready) and again almost fucking dies. tj saves him and he starts yelling at him a la titanic (”you’re SO stupid rose why’d ya do that huh???”) and then tj lets it slip that he would’ve mcfreaking lost it if something ever happened to cyrus bc “you mean a lot to me underdog” or w/e and during this whole rant cyrus realizes that he’s floating!! and he’s like yes bitch i did it im swimming! and tj’s so happy for him that he kisses him and cyrus almost drowns again from shock but it’s all good lol. maybe tj avoids him for a bit after the kiss bc cyrus’ reaction seemed like a rejection, but it wasn’t cyrus was honestly just shook to the core. 

-cyrus lets tj know that he likes him too and they start dating. they definitely keep it a secret from the ghc for a while, probably until the midseason finale. maybe jonah finds out first and that’s how cyrus comes out to him and tells him that he used to have a crush on him too. jonah is flattered and cool w/ it. anyway at first tj doesn’t like going on rly public dates with cyrus, not bc he’s ashamed of him or anything, but bc he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of cyrus (he can take ugly remarks but he’d hulk out if anyone touched a hair on cyrus’ head). cyrus doesn’t care tho and the one time they go on a date, some kids from tj’s school (he’d be in high school by season 3 right?) start messing with them. tj does in fact hulk out but only when one of the demons says something about cyrus. cyrus hauls tj off the creep and they talk in private about not wanting to live in fear but also not wanting to get harassed everywhere they go. when cy tells andi, she tells them that maybe they’d be safer if they went on double dates with her and walker, and so that’s a thing and its cute

The Juffy Plot

-anyway by the season 3b, both wandi and tyrus are thriving. they all hang out a lot leaving buffy to feel like a fifth wheel. she hides it tho bc does she ever express her feelings? she soon finds out that jonah is feeling the same way, and he thinks andi and cyrus don’t rly want to hang out with him anymore. buffy starts inviting jonah to all their outings and anytime the two couples are on a double date or something, buffy and jonah decide to do something else together on their own. cyrus takes note of this and tries to push buffy to ask jonah out since they’re practically dating already but she refuses bc he’s still andi’s ex and that violates girl code or w/e. 

-she goes to bex for advice! but she uses a hypothetical situation instead and changes names. bex, unaware that she’s telling buffy to go after her daughter’s ex, tells her to follow her heart but keep it a secret. meanwhile, jonah is slowly but surely realizing his feelings for buffy, and goes to bowie for advice. bc jonah’s a fool, he doesn’t know buffy has any feelings for him whatsoever, and he asks bowie how he can make her see him That Way. bowie, recycling ideas, tells him to perform a song for her but to do it as if he was just practicing and wanted to see if she thought it was a good song. jonah also doesn’t tell bowie that this is all for buffy lol. 

-so jonah invites buffy to the record store to hang out while wandi and tyrus are doing wandi and tyrus things. he plays some song for her (chemistry perhaps?? i still haven’t heard it yet but if its as good as y’all say...) and buffy is all heart eyes!! until she assumes that he wrote that song for another girl. there’s more unnecessary tiptoeing and drama for an episode until jonah notices that there’s something Up with buffy (she started avoiding him) and demands to know what’s going on. she doesn’t feel like talking about fEeLiNgS so instead he challenges her to arm wrestle. if she wins, she has to fess up. buffy’s like “um?? so all I have to do is let you win” but jonah’s like “like you would ever do that lmao”. she almost lets him win but bc he starts taunting she slams his mf arm into the table!! she fesses up and jonah’s like :D bc duh bitch that song was for you this whole time. they keep it a secret bc of bex’s foolish advice but eventually cyrus finds out and tells them to tell andi. andi’s upset at first but she gets over it. the three couples live in harmony 

The High School Plot

-we see more of the high school now that jonah (and tj?? unless he has to repeat a grade which is seeming likely actually) are there. jonah, who’s used to being the big man on campus, gets bullied for liking frisbee so much and is shamed into doing a “real sport” instead. he hates it and is miserable. he puts on a good face for the ghc bc he doesn’t want them to know he’s struggling. it eventually all comes crashing down when he has another panic attack (the first one in a while after starting therapy WHICH HE BETTER). also we get a look at his home life, I hc that he’s adopted and has a lot of foster siblings that have a lot of their own issues, so he constantly downplays his own bc he doesn’t want to be a “burden” and be abandoned again

-amber becomes a part of the crew and hopefully maybe just maybe is a lesbian. she starts hanging out with a bunch of sapphic baddies. she and jonah become friends and they help each other with their respective mental illnesses 

-through jonah, buffy makes friends with the high school track lesbians <3 they adopt her. one of them tho is Evil and is jealous that some middle schooler is getting all of this attention from the captain so she tries to break buffy’s fucking leg akjhskjdhds I told y’all this was melodramatic 

das it. disney you can send my paycheck to [redacted] within 10-12 business days.

[toasty-bat]

yeah, i did try and potty train them as you can do that, but not everyone is gonna do it, but i tried and ehh…yea, it..did not go well at all. i bought a haybag for them so at least they're not wasting too much hay now at least and since they got a bowl with bigger sides to it, idk what its called, it has stopped. thankfully lol.

oh yea, it does sound better and safer considering it is a reptile and im thinking their skin is sensitive?

i gotta ask outta curiosity, has he ever bit you? or anybody? and does it hurt?

That sounds like it worked at least! I’m sure part of it helps that they’d want to localize their pee (maybe?) and not being able to get their butts up to a high walled bowl would help. Tbh I wish all animals were as easy (“easy”) to potty train as dogs but🥲

I’m not sure really, I mostly just don’t want to risk him inhaling any chemicals in what’s essentially a small box made to Prevent Airflow. Most websites or forums say that dish soap or 10% bleach solutions work fine too, but the vinegar works as a spray (and fades soon enough) so I stick with that.

He actually hasn’t! Ball pythons aren’t super prone to biting people, they get their names BECAUSE they curl into a ball when they’re scared instead of attacking. When he was new he would go to strike pose a lot, and at one point he did manage to actually swat me with his tail, but we’ve never had him bite :)

Ball python bites are (allegedly) only somewhat painful, because they have sharp teeth but their jaws aren’t super strong.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 11 - “i am the balrog elder gay” - Kait

i am the balrog elder gay 

Losing Chloe BROKE ME. listning to Bye Bye mariah carey and crying!!! this is for the people who just lost somebody... SHOOT. I wanted her to blurt out more of her votes in tribe chats. RIP. a fallen Goddess...

SWEET BABY JESUS I GET A SECOND LIFE IN THIS GAME!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! OMG I LOVE THE LAGOON RN! BUT HOPEFULLY I CAN MAKE IT TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN RETURN BECAUSE I HAVE A FEW PEOPLE TO STRIKE BACK AT.

I’m so dumb, completely missed the voting deadline, in my defense i was teaching, but still. Never again, its merge (maybe) and im not gonna jeopardise my game like that.

I'm glad we merged but two people are returning to the game? This has been the most cracked game I have ever played.

Renee and Chips have a chance to return. Between the both I hope Renee comes back. She was an ally for me and most probably work together again.

Go rennee!

---

boo chips

MERGEMERGEMERGEMERGE!!!! glad my zodiac sign is known for being loyal cause I sure ain’t. 

This challenge is always weird but i think if people tell me the truth i may have cancelled out some of my stuff im getting. M&M&M are good standings hopefully. I also trust kait thomas and timmy. Hopefully i can make itndeep in the game.

---

This challenge was a total meh i guess this works. Hopefully i win immunity. If not hopefully im not a target. My relationship with Madison may be rocky right now cuz i blindsided her tribe friend in another game. So im kinda nervous. Hopefully she doesnt pass it her vengence here and tries to take me out.  Im slightly worried a but for this tc.

This merge is a little different from my norm game, I usually have 2-4 alliance chats going but I don't have a single one so far this game.  All my deals have been side deals so far, I do not know if that is a good or bad thing as of this moment in time.  Corey did fill me in that there was an alliance being formed that included him, at least it's indicative of him wanting "The Bull and the Lion" to continue to work. I am also way to mentally drained to give a damn, I just needed to make a confessional to not strike. I worked for 14 hours today but I made 325 dollars and now only owe 4k on my student loans.  Thassss a win in my book even if I get voted out, I'm just gonna drink some beer, hold Jenifer and go to bed.  Good night Moon.

THANK GOD I WON IMMUNITY. You have no idea how good it feels to not have to stress out too much this round. Considering there are 14 of us, really anything could happen, but it's great to know that I will make it through at least one more round. The only key here is just making sure that I stay on the right side of the numbers. The line will most likely be drawn in the sand, so it's important that I stay on the right side of it. So far, I think the people that trust me the most are Ian, Corey, and Matt. I talk to them the most out of everyone, and I do trust them all to an extent, Corey and Ian the most. I would love to find a way to get all three of them on the same page, but I know that will be a heard feat. Next in line would probably be Maynor, Madison, and Kait. I talk to these three a good amount, but for some reason I am having a hard time putting my full faith into them. I talk to Owen a good amount too, but he is a MAJOR threat, and someone that I do not want to be in the game for too much longer if I'm going to have a chance to win. For this round, in an ideal world, Thomas would go home. But that seems too easy. I am hoping someone starts throwing names around, but if not, I guess it will have to be me.

WHY DOES MATT HATE ME SO MUCH?!?!  I genuinely wanted to work with him after first impressions, I bet he was the one who voted Taurus now.  My idol now has a name attached to it, so thanks for that Matt.  In a way, I guess you did end up working with me in some fashion.  Ideally this round goes down with a clear majority on Stephan and Corey can get his save a vote activated and I play the slow burn on good ole Matteo, I wanted to butt heads with Owen at merge, but Owen has been a delight while Matteo has been nothing but a thorn in my side.  

Phew child this merge! 14 people is so so so many and I did in fact vote out Adrian and Chloe, both people who I’ve worked with. I’m left in a really interesting spot because of the warzones it’s still hard to see who has a pattern of voting together. I feel that I’ve positioned myself to be in a lot of threesomes, and hopefully nobody really catches on to that? I know Kait is my number one currently and I have trust with Madison and Devon and Corey. But I’m also fully aware that everyone is a huge threat, and I have to downplay myself as one as well. Hopefully a stepehen vote will provide me with good positioning, as we’re removing someone I personally can’t reallt work with, and lessening the numbers. I also wanna really work with chips but I’m sure everyone was chomping at that bit! Who doesn’t want a bite of chips!

I wish I could put an image in this form bc the joke I’m about to make is so funny Anyways lol I told Kait about the idol I felt like I had to or else I’d break her trust if I ever used it. But THEN LOL SHE TOLD ME THAT matt also has one LMAO THAY HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT!!!! So that meme I linked above is literally me and matt with our idols Here’s my prob tho I like l.... I have to tell matt bc he knows I guess the coordinate. So I guess that’s a thing that’ll happen

Finally have an alliance chat with Kait and Owen...it’s been so many rounds in the making tbh, it just needed to actually be made. I feel safer having that as well as us going to make one with Matt and Maynor as well, making sure that Matt is okay with it...Maynor already seems to be on board. The only name that’s been going around is Stephen so that kind of sucks because I wanted to work with him, but he isn’t around enough to try and rock the boat for in this game unfortunately. 

I found a hidden immunity idol which is awesome! Also, everyone has been silent this round after we decided on Stephen so that’s a bit suspicious 

This is a really hard round because I really like everyone. If any good came from it, it's that I solidified myself into a strong alliance that should be able to keep me safe for at least a few rounds. Corey did not seem to bite on my idea to vote out Owen. Matt says he is most threatened by Ian and Timmy. And everyone just seems to want to vote Stephen. I think this round will be pretty easy, but from this point on it just gets harder. I assume that Chips is in a bad spot and most likely will go next. But at final 12, it's going to be a doozy to see who can stay on top of the vote.

So thisrounf there is an alliance of 6 however I have 0 faith in Thomas. He is a wild card and will be hard to judge and work with. No idea what’s going to happen tonight. 

Aight a lot happening this merge!!! Fourteen people we losin our minds. First of all let me say half these ppl were kinda boring to talk to but I’m liking it a little better today. I came in wanting Stephen GONE because I lied to him during the taylor vote and we haven’t clicked since and I promised I would get out whoever lied to me in this food challenge and his bitch ass didn’t submit so I didn’t get my perfect ZERO!!!! So I was all ready to press him but suddenly Devon had already thrown out his name! Easy as pie. I rlly trust Kait and her and corey get along. I was branching out to some others too like madison is bae, Devon is fun, I like talking to Ian. My FAVORITE is Maynor I rlly like him but I’m scared matt has a hold on him. Anyways I helped set up some alliances today that I hope are solid. One is me Kait madison corey and then they wanted to add Devon and tommy which is cool. Still kinda pressed at Thomas because yesterday I said ily to him and he replied with lol but other than that it’s a good group. But then suddenly Timmy wanted something with Kait and I so I took that as an opportunity to solidify something with Maynor! Precious angel. Kait and I are worried because the tension between corey and matt lmao which is honestly kinda stupid. Matt was sus about corey after he spearheaded the renee vote which like I understand. And I stirrred the pot a little because I told corey that matt was after him lmao. But for now I’m rlly working hard to keep them from targeting each other and so is Kait. Idk how long that can last tho. Ummmm trace’s THOT HOE ASS told corey he wanted me out?!!! So he gotta GO! And Kait and matt think Ian is dangerous which I’m like ok maybe..., sure. Ummm Cullan is just mind boggling. He ate tater tots for breakfast who does that. But he’s sweet I guess. Id prefer him and Ian and trace gone soon but corey likes all those people oop. I rlly think Kait wants to stick with going to the end with me and matt which like.... I rlly will keep allegiance to Kait but matt? Idk. He kept his idol secret from me and it’s clear he doesn’t trust me as much which is fine, I wasbsure Stephen would target me tonight but apparently now he’s going for Thomas. Hopefully it’s an easy vote and Stephen goes and I get what I want and next round I’ll figure out what to do when it gets harder

Well. Tonight the vote is Stephen. Well, for the majority of us. For little young me, I will be voting for nobody! We acquiring a save vote. Hopefully, at our next tribal, Timmy leaves! Woo! I am in 2 alliances: Mighty Happy Meal (Owen, Kait, Madison, Devon, Thomas) and Queer Eye-ish (Madison, Matt, Trace). Period... I am loyal to my own people. Madison, Owen, Ian, Devon. Kait too, to an extent. The rest need to go at their time. I do what I can. Matt is a priority for me to get rid of. Unless Timmy wants Matt gone, I want him gone too for next time. x

Ep 11: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-fEEBtT8R4hk_587qknbxwLmB8yhN_lt/view?usp=drivesdk

This is my placeholder confession for until I am at a computer and able to type something out. I got back in the game!

alyssa said put ep 11: just a quick recap bc i have to play this silly flash game now before i pass out - corey and matt allegedly not liking each other is still a problem - owen found an idol - i told owen matt has an idol bc i have a big mouth - corey told owen all this shit about the vote and idk just other game sensitive stuff and not me and - there's an aliens of trace, matt, madison, and corey that trace allegedly made. this is a big question mark bc either it's just really random and people that trace wants to work with despite what they said or this beef??? between matt and corey is fake which i wouldn't be too surprised by - corey told all of this to owen before tribal but told him that he was going to wait until after tribal to tell me like.... i don't appreciate that. - i think that kind of solidifies that if/when corey v matt happens and i have to pick a side i wanna go with my matt. - im sure i will think of more tomorrow oh also i want ian to get deleted from skype thx

EP 11 Confessional: I got an idol this round which is cool. I heard the vote was stephen however it’s been kinda quiet. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. 

Aight a lot happening this merge!!! Fourteen people we losin our minds. First of all let me say half these ppl were kinda boring to talk to but I’m liking it a little better today. I came in wanting Stephen GONE because I lied to him during the taylor vote and we haven’t clicked since and I promised I would get out whoever lied to me in this food challenge and his bitch ass didn’t submit so I didn’t get my perfect ZERO!!!! So I was all ready to press him but suddenly Devon had already thrown out his name! Easy as pie. I rlly trust Kait and her and corey get along. I was branching out to some others too like madison is bae, Devon is fun, I like talking to Ian. My FAVORITE is Maynor I rlly like him but I’m scared matt has a hold on him. Anyways I helped set up some alliances today that I hope are solid. One is me Kait madison corey and then they wanted to add Devon and tommy which is cool. Still kinda pressed at Thomas because yesterday I said ily to him and he replied with lol but other than that it’s a good group. But then suddenly Timmy wanted something with Kait and I so I took that as an opportunity to solidify something with Maynor! Precious angel. Kait and I are worried because the tension between corey and matt lmao which is honestly kinda stupid. Matt was sus about corey after he spearheaded the renee vote which like I understand. And I stirrred the pot a little because I told corey that matt was after him lmao. But for now I’m rlly working hard to keep them from targeting each other and so is Kait. Idk how long that can last tho. Ummmm trace’s THOT HOE ASS told corey he wanted me out?!!! So he gotta GO! And Kait and matt think Ian is dangerous which I’m like ok maybe..., sure. Ummm Cullan is just mind boggling. He ate tater tots for breakfast who does that. But he’s sweet I guess. Id prefer him and Ian and trace gone soon but corey likes all those people oop. I rlly think Kait wants to stick with going to the end with me and matt which like.... I rlly will keep allegiance to Kait but matt? Idk. He kept his idol secret from me and it’s clear he doesn’t trust me as much which is fine, I wasbsure Stephen would target me tonight but apparently now he’s going for Thomas. Hopefully it’s an easy vote and Stephen goes and I get what I want and next round I’ll figure out what to do when it gets harder

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[persiantrashboi]

Today was an eventful day 1. sorry I'm Doing this on tumblr. Idk why but it feel easier to keep up with if I think someone might read it . Any way you can block (tr)ash talking or diary entry if you don't want to see this 2. MY flight was delayed 2 hours 3. I spent money on a really dumb shirt and I'm pretty ashamed /embarrassed that I did? But also I think it will be fun to wear to parties and stuff and it's really good quality and was pretty cheap 4. When I went to buy the shirt I knew it was half price cause I had seen it online but the guy tried to charge me full price so I was like excuse me. And then he was like nope it's not on sale so I was thought I was wrong and I left. Then I went back and realized it had a blue dot which means half price so I argued with him and he was like nah that's wrong so I bought the shirt online for half price when I got home. I'm really pissed about it and I'm not sure why he would do that? 5. I am wondering if it is because his friend wanted the shirt or because I am brown or because it was an MENS shirt and I don't look or sound like a man or because I am dressed like a lesbian today 6. Sunny comes out in two days 7. I'm writing this on the plane back to school after winter break idk I'm half excited to see everyone like the iasip boy and my director friend who has been snap chatting me recently (he convinced me to buy the shirt tbh and my friend who likes rpdr and my friend who is going to be my assistant this quarter and my friend who is really good about not misgendering me, but I'm half really really anxious 8. A girl from my hall at school is sitting a few rows ahead of me on the plane. We are friends on Facebook. I wave to her As I pass. She waves back. Her friend who is next to her says who is that. I don't know she responds. 9. I'm reading This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz right now and it's really really incredible. I don't think I know of anyone who writes about the immigrant experience better than Junot Diaz. 10. A choice quotations from This is How You Lose Her are listed below 11. "As we walk over to the courtesy golf cart, I say, I feel like you rejected my whole country, Magda" I have had so many Magdas in my life it's painful. Every time someone says something about Iran or makes a comment about Indian doctors not being as good as American doctors, it goes straight to my heart. Every time one of my American friends opens their mouth about one of my countries-- something they experienced when they went to the Taj Mahal, something they read in an article online because no one reads the newspaper anymore--they become a Magda. And it hurts. 12. It's a good book. The girl on the plane next to me is reading the back cover as it sits turned upside down on my lap, spine pressed open. 13. I am wondering how long until we land. 14. I am picking at my cuticles 15. I do not want to Uber home from the airport but I am thinking that it is going to be too late to take public transportation alone right now 16. I don't actually think that Uber is much safer but I've never hearted of Anyone I know getting h mugged in one and That at least provides some sense of comfort. 17. I wrap my ring finger around my little finger and press the pad of my pinky against that of my thumb. The plane roars as it begins its descent. My fingers quicken. With my middle finger I rub rapidly at the tiny piece of skin that pokes out from between my nail and the nail bed it hurts. There is a cuticle on my thumb that is not so close to the nail. It would hurt less I know. I keep rubbing my pinky. The plane hits ground with a sharp thud and my hand, ring finger still wrapped around my pinky, shoots out to the chair in front, unsuccessfully trying to absorb the shock. I will be back at school soon. Things will start moving again soon. I am worried. I am scared. I still do not know what I am doing there. The plane slows to a stop and my middle finger goes back to rubbing my pinky. The girl next to me straightens her back as if to nudge me out of my seat. I settle back and continue to rub my pinky. We're the very last row on the plane, we'll be waiting anyway. I can't tell if my pinky has stopped stinging or by now I am just used to the pain. 18. I am eating dried mangoes (the unsweetened kind like I like) as I wait for the crowd around my baggage claim carousel to disperse. People swarm toward the silver roundabout trying to grab there bags and get out of here. It's okay that I can't push forward. I have time. People breathe down each others necks standing on tip toes , eyes trained on the little hole that vomits up bags searching for that purple ribbon or orange tag that distinguishes their bag from everyone else's. Its okay. Im in no rush. 19. An old man in a thick red coat sits next to me flanked on the other side by a young girl in a hoodie. He is telling her that everyone else is dressed much more warmly. Is she sure she will be okay. She rolls her eyes and says she is fine. My chest swells up no one is fine for our winters. They're the kind of winters that make your bones feel cold. They're the kind of cold that seeps through woolen socks and pinches at any inch of bare skin. I'm proud of my ability to sustain these winters. I'm an immigrant. I'm not used to this weather. 20. I decide to take the bus home. It'll take lo ref but I've got time plus last time I ran into a friend on the bus. 21. I watched a little boy on the bus draw a peace sign in the condensation on window. I smiled as he slid his little finger back and forth

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

"Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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does anyone knows about any low cost pregnancy insurance?

How long does it take for an auto insurance claim to clear you record?

I currently have USAA and back in Nov 2005 I hit a piece of tire on I-25. The tire ripped out my wheel well cover and took the electrical system with it. I made a claim that came out to 1K including my deductible. When trying to change insurance this claim came up and uppped my 6 month policy by 300 dollars. It is not on my DMV driving record, can I still get the cheaper insurance thru progressive.com? Thanks a bunch.""

Where can I get scooter insurance?

I am looking for insurance for a 150cc Scooter. I can not find any companies that want less than $1500 a year. Geico quoted me that, but I think they thought I had a motorcycle. Any ideas on companies?""

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

How to get Insurance on a permit and without owing a car?

how to get Insurance on a permit and without owing a car and 25 years old in north Carolina

18 years old purchasing car and insurance?

I am an 18 year old female and im looking to purchase a car - preferably a new car but we'll see how far that goes... I would like opinions on which car insurance is the best for new drivers. I did a couple of quotes and Geico seems to be good, any other suggestions?""

How much health insurance coverage do I get as a military spouse?

I am a newly married Air Force wife. I am currently enrolled for TriCare North Standard coverage for health insurance. Does anybody out there have TriCare North Standard coverage and ...show more

Obamacare and still insurance premium skyrocketing?

Now that Obamacare has passed and in place why insurance premiums are still skyrocketing at record numbers? isn't it the main primary reason for (to have)obamacare is to curb the ever increasing cost of health insurance premium??

Can I purchase life insurance?

Can I or may I purchase a life insurance policy for my step father in law. I've been asking around and some family member say no we can't and some other say yes we can. I'm so lost

How much does car insurance cost for a new driver?

How much does car insurance cost for a new driver?

""My wife is pregnant, we do not have insurance. What should we do?""

We do not have insurance, but are having a baby. We are happy to add to our family, but do not know how we are going to be able to afford the up coming medical bills.""

Why are my health insurance rates so high?

what causes health insurance rate increases?

""Need a dentist, but have no insurance.

I need some major work done on my teeth but have no insurance. I also had to file bankruptcy 2 years ago and have no credit. Is there a dental group or dentist that would do work with ...show more

""Will my auto insurance go down, now that I have turned 25?""

I just turned 25 today, will my insurance go down? should i call my insurance company?""

Just insurance quoted for $600?

So I was shopping around for car insurance since I was planning on buy a car soon... I'm 19 years old after getting quotes from multiple different places my cheapest insurance quote was $664... Uhmm wth? How the **** is anyone suppose to afford that? Thats basically half of my monthly income >_< and the car I was looking to buy was a sedan not a sports car no powerful engine just a Pontiac sunfire, chevy cavalier, chevy impala(2000) what am I suppose to do get a piece of junk that might not even make it to the corner??""

Car insurance question?

I have a 2000 Landrover, and right now I'm on my moms insurance policy and the car is in her name. I think its stupid that I have to pay insurance when the car isnt even in my name, but everytime I ask her to put it in my name she gives me some bull about it being like $200 to transfer titles and that it if its in my name ill have to get off her insurance. Is any of that true? And if so, how much does it cost to get your own policy? My insurance is 160 right now if that makes any difference. It's kinda high because I had a wreck about a year ago.""

Best and Cheapest Motor Trade Insurance UK?

Need Motor trade insurancefor first time motor trader whats the best and cheapest im in London Uk, thanks.""

What's the insurance for a lamborghini gallardo?

NO! i'm not looking foward on buying one.. Cant afford it. People told me insurance for this car was $1000 a MONTH.. but i asked a couple people with lamborghinis in gas stations ...show more

Can switching to geico really save you 15% or more on care insurance?

...............

Insurance for a 16 year old?

Im currently looking around for my first car. What would the insurance be for a 16 year old male for a 2005 chevy silverado. Also what would the insurance be for a 2001 camaro. I have a a good gpa if that helps. Also Travelers insurance and live in Connecticut.

Do i have to have insurance?

i live with my parents. an my mom told me that our car insurance company says i HAVE to be insured, cause i have access to my parrents cars... can they do that?""

Who sells the cheapest auto insurance online? Thank you in advance.?

Who sells the cheapest auto insurance online? Thank you in advance.?

Where to get the best auto insurance rates in Midwest.?

Just moved to the Midwest, besides the insurance giants are there any other good insurance companies out there that will save me a little money?""

My insurance premium has doubled.how can they do this!(ireland)?

I put in a small claim of 600 year last year.I am full comp for four years.I have a full licence.I am a lady driver.I havent moved house.My claim is settled.some insurance companies has refused to quote me.they say it is not in there policy to do so.They wont give me this in writing as this is not there policy either.At the time of the claim i was told verbaly that my insurance would not go up more than 150 euros.

Has the Affordable Care act made your health insurance more affordable?

Mine is going up $150 every two weeks for a $4500 in network $9000 out of network plan starting next year. Seems most people I talk to report similar numbers.

How much is renter's insurance normally?

I already have insurance thriugh state farm and they do have renter's insurance but I'm asking people who actually do have it, how much should it be normally?""

Antique car insurance?

I have read about cheaper insurance on classic cars, but you can only have it if you occasionally drive it. Is it possible to have that insurance on a classic car (1970`s) and use it as a daily vehicle? Is there some kind of loophole or something? Thank you in advance. Sorry for my english.""

SR22 insurance Texas?

I'm looking for a cheap SR22 insurance Texas, maybe some special price just for Texas State. Any info? And what's a medium SR22 insurance cost? Thanks""

Which Insurance?

If someone borrows my car but they have their own insurance and get in an accident is their insurance company responsible

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

How much would my insurance be?

I am 16 and I want to get a car. My parents said they would buy me this car I want but I have ot pay for the insurance. We have allstate. The car is a 1999 ford mustang. Yellow Color V-6 Engine Automatic Transmission 141,207 miles on it 2 drive coup""

Is there any insurance policy for critical illness ?

Is there any insurance policy for critical illness ? I mean if someone is suffering from any critical disease for long time.

How much is insurance for a 16 year old girl with good grades?

Im 16 years old and wanting to get my licence. I have about a 3.4 GPA. And im not going to take drivers ed. I am going to share a car with my parents as well.They have really good credit. With geico. How much will it cost a month?

What happens if I get caught without car insurance?

I'm 16 and I live in AZ. What would happen if I was caught driving my mom's car without insurance? I have my license and never got caught breaking the law. What would happen to me? Car insurance is about 150 a month and I could buy a new car instead of paying that.

Can i stay under parents insurance and switch car title over to my name?

So my parents gave me a car for my 18th birthday a few years ago and I am still under their insurance. I gave the car a paint job that costed 2,500 and I want to make sure the care is mine, can I switch the car title to my name while still being on their insurance? They keep me under their insurance so I can have cheaper insurance while in college""

What can I expect for getting caught without auto insurance?

I recently got caught driving without insurance (stupid I know). The cop was nice enough not to impound my car, so he just gave me a ticket with a court date. I'm assuming I can expect a large fine, but what else? Anything?""

""What is the average insurance rate for a 19 year old male in Austin, Tx?""

PLEASE give me an actual number, not just how I could find out and what important information I left out. I have had no accidents and an attending school and will be buying an average car. Thanks in advance""

How to change auto insurance?

I pay my auto insurance every 6 months. I want to change insurance company from 'company A' to 'company B' because it's cheaper. I already paid a bill for company A and still have about 4 months until renewal. If I change to company B now, will I get a refund from company A? How does this work? I don't want to wait another 4 months with company A.""

What are insurance rates on a ninja zx 6r?

What are insurance rates on a ninja zx 6r?

How much would my car insurace be with a used 2007 scion tc?

By time I get the car I will be 18 years old. I have allstate insurance. I drive under my mom and dads name and I have a 3.1 GPA. I've never gottten in a wreck or gotten a ticket and i've been driving for almost a year now. About how much do you think my insurance willl be monthly? Thanks.

When You Buy Car Insurance On The Internet..?

You know when you buy Car Insurance, is it immediate effect? or do you have to wait a certain amount of time until you can go out and drive?""

Is renter's insurance required for tenants in california?

Is renter's insurance required for tenants in california?

Car insurance/Finance?

I'm wanting to get a cheaper car on finance. I was looking at a few second hand Toyota Aygo's for around 4,000-5,000. But somebody said you need fully comprehensive insurance to be able to get a car on finance, i had forgotten about insurance. But i'm a young driver, so comprehensive is very expensive now, and barely affordable when you add the amount payable for the car each month too. Is it possible to take out a loan, buy the car out right, then pay the loan back monthly.? That way would i be able to have any level of insurance cover on the car?, as Third party fire and theft is much cheaper than comprehensive on a Toyota Aygo. Thanks a lot. :-)""

Affordable health insurance?

Since money is tight, we are going through the state for health insurance. It's a pain especially since my weekly pay changes all the time so they want it called in to see how much they have to charge us every month. At least my husband's pay stays the same. I see health insurance ads on tv and online but not sure which is affordable and even more important legit enough to go with. Any suggesttions?""

""New car, no insurance what happens?""

I bought a car in June last year, I paid the down payment, and make the monthly car payment. My mom consigned and pays insurance. I just got alerted saying I haven't had insurance since October 2013. What can happen, can they come and repo my car?""

How much would my insurance be?

i will be 17 in oct and hoping to save up for a car (corsa, punto, 206) and i was just wondering how much my insurance would be?""

What insurance would i need and where should i go to get it?

I'm working between 3 employers doing carpentry and need to insure myself incase i hurt myself and can't work for a number of days. Also incase of something severe happening like losing a hand or breaking bones. I need to know what insurance i should get and what kind of cover. I don't know a lot about insurance so any information is really appreciated. Thanks Drew

Car insurance question?

I'm 17 and still living with my parents. I just got a car and now I need to find insurance. My dad doesn't want me on his because then, if I got in an accident, his rates would go up. My question is, if I were to cause his rates to go up and then got kicked off his plan, would his rates go back down? I'm curious because I really would rather not get my own insurance, being on my dad's would be much much much more affordable.""

Lying on car insurance...?

what are/or could be any consequences of me lying about my car insurance renewal when i do 26,000miles per year and if i put that i only did 10,000miles my insurance would be alot cheaper it would go from 240p/m to 180p/m!?!?!?!?!? how would the insurers know how many miles i did per year?""

Car insurance policies !?

a friend of mine said she had light house insurance.. she claims she pays X amount of money for a basic car insurance policy every 6 months.. keep in mind, i live on long island.. what kind of car insurance company offers a 1 payment policy every 6 months ?? my current insurance policy is expensive, i feel like theyre stealing from me.. please help out, i know there are A LOT of insurance companys..""

How much would insurance be on a corvette?

I'm looking at corvettes in the 1998-2003 range, about 100,000 miles on it. I will be 18 when I buy it and I'm hoping I keep my perfect driving record. If it's affordable ...show more""

Can you sell a car without insurance?

Hi all, Right, i want to sell my car. I have cancelled my car insurance and the car is parked on Private Land (off-road). The car DOES have valid TAX & MOT. If a potential buyer wants to view/test drive my car, will he be allowed to drive the car on the public road? As i have no insurance, would his Fully Comp cover my car to 3rd Party? The buyer will only be driving it for about 10-15 minutes. Thanx in advance!""

Is a Kawasaki ninja 250 or a Kawasaki KLR650 cheaper insurance?

I'm looking for a first bike, I am 16 years old, 150LBS, 5'11''. Money is an issue so I will be getting maybe an 08 ninja or an older duel sport bike. Anybody have any estimates and anybody have any suggestions? I will only have about $3000 to spend. I am looking for liability insurance.""

Affordable health insurance in NYC?

Hi, I am 30 years old and my wife and I had a combined income of approx $62,000 for 2006. In august of this year I will be quitting my full time job and going back to school full time. My current salary is $50,000. I anticipate making no more than $20,000 while in school and not being able to get health insurance through work. My income for 2007 will screw up my chances of getting most federal aid for the first year and will probably exclude me from healthy NY as well. Insurance through school is about $600 a month. I've gotten quotes of $513 to $1200 a month for my wife and I. All I want is catastrophic coverage in case either of us have any major problems or I have an accident while riding my motorcycle (a means of transportation, not a toy). These online quotes are driving me crazy. Where is the best place for me to look for something that will cover these specific conditions and how much should I expect to pay? Thanks in advance!!""

How much will my brothers insurance go up after his accident?

How much will my 18 year old brothers car insurance go up after a 3,000 single car accident? Thanks! :o)""

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

Can i get insurance at 17 in my name?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/401k-federally-insured-juan-weaver"

[survivedeathvalley]

EPISODE 2 - “CHICK FIL A FOR EVERYONE, IT’S RAINING FRIES, HALLELUJAH!” - GABBY

I wanna establish myself as a strong force in this game. When people open skype web and remember they have to be active here I want them to think, "Oh I gotta deal with that bitch Misty too" And I intend on getting to the bottom of who voted for me... Paul [Kage]

Guess who helped start a new alliance! :) Basically Kat, William and I are part of a 3 person alliance called "The Chaos Crew". I feel fairly comfortable working with these two because they both said they were supposedly new to ORGs (don't 10000% buy it), also it would be in all of our interests to stick to a 3 person alliance to make sure that if in the case we do attend tribal we can at least tie if not be in the majority. 

I don't really understand this cast. They're really bad aliases. Yikes... I was talking to that one guy on my tribe with the normal-sounding name and I told him I didn't like making small talk because everyone is "fake". Then he said "I'm not fake! I promise". So I responded that it's not like anyone is fake in *that* way, but it's because of the alias thing... then he thought I was asking him for an alliance. What the fuck. Then he exposed to me that he's NEVER played orgs before and he's SO out of the loop, which might be true, but I don't want to take any chances. I think he's just bad at playing dumb.

http://imgur.com/j0q7pWl

I'm glad that Marco is gone, but I can't help but wonder who voted for Misty.  I hope she doesn't think it was me.  

chick fil a for everyone, it's raining fries, hallelujah!   I have to remember Sunday that I can't be working if I'm not around because Chick fil a does not run on Sundays, I can feel myself forgetting already. 

Misty and I want to work together for the long run, and I'm already scared I'm going to tell her too much info and she'll figure out who I am.  On another note, I noticed the viewing lounge the other day and I wonder if Issy is playing in this, because she's in the VL.  I'm pretty sure she hates me?  We played Arabia together and I lied to her a lot and blindsided her a lot and I think it would be SO FUNNY if we were working together in this, I almost feel like maybe she's Mattie? Thinking back she reminded me of Issy a bit. 

Girl Idk but if we lose I'm voting off the biggest threat in our tribe now that's the tea!

I want Paul out tbh. Me/Bianca/Gabby/Mattie alliance would be the dream. I wanna take control of this tribe. Idk what has gotten into me but I wanna be like Sandra in Game Changers. If we lose, I do plan on making a fake account for Paul and making some fraudulent receipts of him saying he wants Gabby out................... Whatever it takes, you know?

i honestly keep forgetting im in this game! rip me! and also like i think im gonna start impersonating karen so people think I'm her

Nothing has happened yet

https://youtu.be/xB5CQqqra0o

Ummm, so ummm, unmmm, I have no idea what tribal will be like tomorrow

Note to self: NEVER PISS LOGAN OFF.  <3 Paul has got to go, I liked him better when his account wasn't working.  Also I think I figured out who he is because he kept putting a different name instead of Paul when we were doing the challenge.  I don't know that person outside of this game though and can't remember what he said his name was to save my life.   I hope that maybe Misty, Bianca, Mattie and I can vote together to get Paul out of this game, his smart mouth is going to ruin it for all of us.  He was also the more pissy person towards Mattie when she was messing up.  And true, I was lowkey annoyed with her too but then she told us she had dyscalculia and one of my friends has that, and I could see how this challenge could be difficult for her. We should have started it YESTERDAY, i felt like suggesting it but I just... never did.  UGH, I'm so ready for a switch or something, Panamint is dropping like flies and I just hope I'm in a good enough spot to stay another round. 

This tribe is?? Interesting I guess. We don't communicate like at all. Nobody answers pms (including me) and when we do it's like very vague and messy. Alex sends haha every other word and it makes it very hard to see if he's serious or not? I like Jenny she seems cool hopefully we can work together but the rest of this tribe idk 

We just lost.. and of course I was the only one to NOT participate. I'm sure I'm on the chopping block, because at this point I'm pretty sure there's no inactives to hide behind. I'm still gonna push for Paul to go home though. Maybe not be as aggressive as I planned to be.. but I will try to make it work. I trust in Bianca and Gabby so hopefully they keep me safe!

So we lost. Which I expected. And I originally thought I'd be the target, since I fucked up so much we kept having to go back. But Tanner never showed up to participate and everyone has to participate so we lost for that reason instead. Which means that I'm a little safer than I was before, and Tanner is most likely going home. I hope. I'm kind of glad he fucked up tbh, because I think we would've gone either way and now I get to be safe.

Now this is the truth tea and I can't wait to see all my devious villains with me at merge bc it's obvious the other two tribes are stupid enough to actually win a challenge *giggles* 

https://youtu.be/BS93E9_5f1o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpsXJTPAOYE

I think everything is peaceful right now but I just hope everything isn't under the table and no one is targeting me.

Nobody wants to be the first person to throw out a name! It's so annoying! Nothing is happening! Wait, maybe they have an alliance *facepalm*

I dunno what I said last, but I think it was to the effect of I really suck at that flash game and I hope that the people on my tribe are better at it than I am. And... they were! They were actually a lot better than I was at it and I think one person (Alex maybe??) made up the difference of my failings https://media.tenor.co/images/9d06a86bdcd648c964e322559fdd3b80/tenor.gif We won the immunity challenge and avoided the first vote off of the season because that's what you do when you're immune I guess. Anyway, it looked like the Panamint tribe that did the worst decided to vote off their inactive player to increase their chances of success. I'm assuming this will be the strategy for most tribes moving forward anyway. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/99/39/d8/9939d80aafd7f1217af815bd1f7ab42b.gif 

The reward challenge was the degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon thing that is always really fun - https://media.giphy.com/media/Ff2LmUUzZQAeY/giphy.gif I did the best I could at it so that I would look like an asset to my team... perhaps. Gotta plant those seeds that I'm of value so people will start inviting me to be part of their alliances and I'll become less likely to get the boot. We lost, but luckily it was just reward and then Kai went back to the Devil Hole to dig for an idol or something. So.. maybe Kai has an idol now? At the moment, I'm not too bothered because I don't think that I have given them any reason to play it.

Next challenge rolls its ugly head out of bed and I can see myself crying. I literally wanted to sit out of this one because I hate these types of challenges. They make my knees weak and my heart break. http://www.gifimagesdownload.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Disgusted-cute-gif.gif It's a counting endurance challenge... WITH A TWIST ™ because you can only respond with odds on odd minutes and evens on even minutes... and I wasn't online to ask to sit out so I get to help count!! Rather than um... being a flop I decided to OVER DO so that people will want to pull me into potential future alliances since these challenges are the opportunity to bond over the fact that you hate your life. https://media.tenor.co/images/12ef9945086f38f2b314cdd6206fa1dc/tenor.gif

This dude named Tanner who Kai and some other people keep calling Eddie (suspicious?? I dunno, nor do I care tbh.. just weird honestly) didn't participate in the challenge at all and has more or less disappeared. http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/shrg-1.gif While concerning because people disappearing is not necessarily a good thing, it has made the first vote an easy target. Our tribe needs strength and somebody that we can't rely on to play is definitely the opposite of desirable. Also! Fun facts! Alex and I worked really closely and very consistently on this challenge and we shared with each other afterward that we were each equally glad to have someone to rely on throughout the thing... and then Alex did some weird alliance pitching thing that made me slightly uncomfortable. They were like.. "We could be more ;)" and I was like... stop with the wink face and just ask if I want to ally with you. It's giving me creeper vibes. https://m.popkey.co/98eb3f/1xWo0.gif So we decided to form an alliance and to pull in Wash as a third so that we will be able to control votes moving forward. I guess that'll be something... assuming it sticks and is successful and all of the other permutations are fun... also, given Jenny's chaotic nature she's probably going to out this alliance the moment she gets to a swap so she can stab them in the back.

I feel bad for not doing reward fuck i might go home fuck this

https://youtu.be/H4LrsvmlSAA

Ok, so episode 2 in a nut shell... Kat, William and I started a 3 person alliance called the Chaos Crew which is kinda cute I guess, hopefully since there are 3 people in the alliance it will secure them as a number more. Then we had the reward competition which was the wikipedia thing and my type A personality legit did the entire comp for our tribe. I really wanted us to win and have a possibility of being sent to satan's asshole. So we won!!!! And we got an idol clue :) also I convinced them to let me go to the hole. I decided thatd itd be smart to send the same people as last week because itd put a larger target on their back and if they found an advantage it would at least be in a known area.  Basicalllllly, I found this cute Zirusikisisiaasdas Idol which works as a normal idol but also randomly gives another person protection, but my ass tried and tell most people that I found nothing (a rock). This is good for the most part unless it chooses the person I am trying to idol out. Then we had the reward comp which was the ugliest fucking counting endurance comp ive ever had to do. So basically, Giruga, Justin, and I did the majority of the competition even though I was on a fucking road trip on mobile so that was wild. Layla legit did little to nothing which made the entire tribe kind of mad, thus theyd be an easy vote in a future tribal probs. I think Giruga and I working on this competition and communicating during it made was a lot more beneficial for our relationship... basically I suggested that we made a good team in the comp and I was wondering if he'd want to work together and he said yes!!! So im basically working with everybody on the fucking tribe whew. We won immunity because we are the only tribe to finish it which has me shook, but that means we have a significant advantage going into a future tribe swap or merge :). I have feeling that next episode is going to be a tribe swap, but we will see!

I was told to make a confessional. Also I'm going to make an alliance so if I'm gone you'll know why.

So....we lost....again. But it's no sweat this round because I have my alliance with Gabby and Misty, which gives us majority. I love a good majority. The plan is to vote out Paul because he is literally a mess and a half. After that disaster is handled, we can hopefully move forward and not have to go to tribal again. I'm really praying that I can go to Devil's Hole again because now that I have my glow stone i have better chances of maybe finding something that could really turn my game around. But who knows? Only time will tell

I swear, i'm a good egg, i'm going to make a confessional whenever i'm asked to. :o) Okay so....  I just got asked to join an alliance with Paul and Mattie...  now I'm going to have two alliances, how exciting is this gonna be. Time to start making some choices and hope for a swap because someone is going to know i was playing both sides soon! 

Well fuck me with an Iron Dildo I think it worked!

If I go home this round... I just........... It doesn't feel natural. I GUESS it's my fault for not being on skype all day yesterday/today but? I was busy. Whatever. If I stay, Mattie better watch the fuck out. They think they can vote me out? Surprise bitch

EP 2 EDGIC:

[staccato-butts]

I REALIZED THIS IS SAFER THAN MY SPAM i hate cinema, everything we make is shit which sucks considering all the money weve raised. im scared im going to fail my SAT (not score high enough) and have to go to SAC like my parents say. i just wanna b @ seton hall damn is that too much to ask? i lowkey have a crush but i doesnt matter bc shes straight. its barely a crush tbh, its more like i like the idea of what things could be in another universe but im here so i knwo it will never happen and im fine with that, but its fun to think about every once in a while. im not suffering is all im trying to say. also im scared of becoming someone i used to be. also im scared of thinking im someone im not. also im highkey in love with my friends, and i cant control how much fucking love I have for my friends and i wish i could tone it down because i dont want to scare someone away with how much i love them. also i really want tobe in a relationship, but mainly because i want someone to talk to me all the time and also think im hot. it makes me feel so pathetic to think like that and talk like that but its true.alhtough i am really comfortbale being on my own, and it seems like the wrong time to start a relationship, i mean college is next year anyways. im crazy scared of moving away and I dont want to lose all my friends, and everyone says that you dont stay friends with your high school freinfs but I really care about these people and i dont know how i will get by without at least noni and giuli. life is so crazy and uncertain right now i think im making myself cry with my thoughts again so thats all for now i guess. good night.