#tbh i was feeling real frustrated about this last night cause something felt. wrong? but then i slept and no it's fine- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lunawolflight · 5 years ago

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STEVEN UNIVERSE FINALE (THOUGHTS)

Hey everybody, so last night I watched the livestream of SUF finale and ... I really didn’t like it. Okay I wanted to write this later and focus on my work, but I couldn’t concentrate enough so there you go.

I WARN YOU THIS POST WILL OPENLY SPOILER ALL THE LAST THREE EPISODES AND WILL CRITIQUE A LOT OF THE THINGS ABOUT THEM, SO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED OR YOU DON’T WANT THAT A RANDOM STUPID ITALIAN GIRL WILL RUIN YOUR ENJOYMENT FOR THE SHOW THEN DON’T READ!!!! Okay let’s get started.

From the episode “Homeworld Bound” I felt something off with the plot’s development; Steven acting like a jerk to Spinel without even say sorry bothered me a lot, not only ‘cause I really like Spinel, but because Steven’s bad attitude towards others went too far for me, like, SHE CAN STILL BE MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND YOU SAY “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??”? THE WHOLE POINT THAT MADE SPINEL A VILLAIN WAS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH AND THOUGHT SHE WAS THE REASON WHY PINK LEFT HER AND-!

Okay okay, need to calm down or I won’t arrive at the end of this.

So the rest of the episode was good, I liked that the diamonds are actually changed for the better for the better with helping the gems they had hurt (even though I didn’t’ understand how the heck Yellow can be now so powerful to reform a shattered gem alone but okay).

So after this we now have “Everything’s Fine”, accurate may I add.

Tbh, once Steven left the diamonds in the last episodes I expected to see Steven to want to be alone for a while. What I mean is; after you almost shattered a diamond (which I thought to be a suicidal’s thought forSteven’s diamond part), and rethink about the fact that you shattered Jasper, this would be a lot of stuffs to process. I imagined Steven would have use the portal and traveling alone through some planets with the company of his own thoughts and space. Like a revisit of Spinel’s garden, The Moon station, even the Kindergarten, all places that would have recall all the things that had a central role in Steven’s journey with no need of dialogue whatsoever, THEN he would have come back home, thinking that everything’s fine, BUT OKAY.

He comes back home immediately, Connie calls him and Steven has a self conversation when he says he’s good, PERFECT. Here nothing to say, I particularly loved the parte when the camera zooms to Steven, FINALLY I WANTED TO SEE IT FOR AGES. The gems arrives, Steven says everything is fine and then go to little Homeschool ... okay? He starts to mess around and ... the gems don’t do nothing? WHAT?!?!?!

No, I’m sorry this is unacceptable, you let all this time pass (exactly an half of season) letting your kid alone with a mental issue that gone worse and worse, in the last few episodes he escaped home for three days coming back horrified, he goes away horrified saying that you can’t help him anymore, he comes back still glowing and clearly showing the issue that leads him to disappear for days AND YOU DO NOTHING?!?!??!? LIKE NOTHING??

You let Steven doing shit when he’s clearly unstable and you keep working like nothing happened??? I’m sorry, this is the thing that made me so angry, in the whole serie (future) the gems have no importance whatsoever, yeah there’s a moment between Garnet and Steven, but really I can’t find anything that could give them more role, they can’t be this dumb and stupid to let the boy that they loved, protected and grown alone and not even be more involved in his pink problem. It’s frustrating, they were so much important and in Future their role is inexistent, they seem to not care about Steven, so why should we? If everyone still accept Steven to mess around after all the things he has done, why I should be emotionally involved when the Crystal Gems, the most important character’s in Steven’s life along with Greg and then Connie, where do I can exactly feel the conflict??

Alright, let’s move on.

Finally AFTER FIVE MINUTES of Steven messing as we predict because the gems CLEARLY didn’t knew he had troubles, they force him to talk with Greg and Connie too. Steven vents is really deep, I like that the others just say a line and then is STeven that throw out all the things he has done still pretending that he’s fine and then alternate it with the real deep suffering that he’s feeling inside. GOOD, back on board, he finally vented and GASP HE’S CORRUPTED FINALLY! Let’s see what it’ll happen!

“I Am My Monster” when I first saw the title, I was so sure that this would have been the big climax of the serie, all the action, emotional final moment and resolution will happen here, and the double sense of the title already implies a bit about Pink, LET’S GO!! *sigh*

So finally corrupted Steven makes his entrance, everything is trembling, people are scared like “Oh shit, here we go again” and from the distance they finally see the monster ... okay, gonna be honest, I didn’t expect him to be so bright.

Alright it’s just a design and this is not even a critique valid to say why I didn’t enjoy the finale, but for only and personal taste, I don’t really like the design.

He looks like any other colored monster we saw before, since the monster is born from the thought that Steven consider himself as a monster that has grown inside of him through the trauma that Steven realized in the course of the season, he should have been way more dark then just normal bright pink, something like dark pink with a lot of tendency to purple and even black, more sharp and with more monster’s characteristics, like shorter paws, more claws and sharps in his body, the eyes the brighten and more attracting part of his new horrible form.

Again, this is a really personal’s taste thought, it’s not relevant at all in this “review”, but I wanted to express my opinion about it anyway since THIS was the monster we were waiting for for the entire season.

Okay back to the plot. The gems talks a bit about Steven’s new for and the consequences if he doesn’t come back normal, Connie goes ALONE to bring everyone in the whole freaking town safe, in the movie all the gems basically had to save the humans, but Connie is enough apparently, and then decide to attack Steven and stopping him from destroying the town and in less then two minutes they’re able to cage him thanks to Lapis. IS LAPIS THIS STRONG??

I know that she’s been to a lot and probably her powers increased with time, but is shown just few minutes later that Steven is even stronger then the diamonds and the Cluster, and they’re like, the most powerful characters??

I don’t get it, there’s a constance discontinuity of strength in the characters, Lapis is an ordinary gem that never really shines in combats, yeah she was her purpose before the diamonds, but in fact, she can’t be stronger then them and the Cluster. She was holding him with water chains, okay, but it’s still not believable, and she keeps Steven blocked for quite long too!

Let’s move on ...

The diamonds arrive with my baby Spinel and once again the thing is tricked like an annoying joke that goes on too long. Alright I get that the diamonds are not exactly the best characters, tbh the last chance to evolve them in this season was wasted forever, but it can’t be possible that every time these morons arrives everyone gets annoyed, especially here! on the contrary, the others should have feel relieved to see them arrive since, you know, THEY’RE FREAKING DIAMONDS and could know how to turn Steven back to normal since they’re not only powerful but also are close to these kind of problems. This brings back the problem of the gems that I brought up earlier; if they don’t make them look relieved to see the diamonds ‘cause they’re the most powerful beings above all the gems that make them look like they don’t care sincerely for Steven’s transformation and safety after what he has become. Okay maybe you don’t like the diamonds, but if you’re so desperate to bring back the person you love the most and the people that have the most opportunity to do it are luckily here you can go over the annoyance and pray them to bring your kid back.

But okay, the diamonds just made another entrance that annoys others even in this shit of situation, FINE. Even they joke about it.

The GodMothers Diamonds tries to bring Steven back thanks to their new abilities but it’s useless, that’s fair ‘cause this kind of mental monstrosity could be dominated a bit by these powers, but not entirely, even thought the powers are still really confusing, but okay good. Meanwhile Lapis calmly keeps Steven chained, heck she’s a new GodDiamond. Steven FINALLY frees himself roaring and kick everyone down, tries to escape again but then the Cluster arrives to hold him (in lesser time then Lapis).

There’s a dope moment when everyone cries and blame himself for not had been able to help Steven or for being the ‘cause of its status now. Believable, but too wimpy for me, Greg’s part is the best one ‘cause he stands there without caring to be hurt if that means to bring his son back. The diamonds were unnecessary honestly, even for Spinel, White’s part is just so unbearably pity, it’s just too explanatory for all WHite’s character and the problem that the fandom always had for her.

Then Connie arrives and openly says YES THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

*breath and let it sink in*

WHAT?!?!?! Okay this feels like fanbase.

I know that White is hated and such, but in this kind of situation you can’t just blame one single person if the problem, as you clearly saw, is that Steven has mental diseases and just five minutes earlier he said what’s the problem that he had to face in that period, if he would have said something like”IT’S WHITE’S FAULT!” Then I would understand, but since the diamonds had NO PLOT RELEVANCE, they arrived only at the end of the serie, then how she could primarily be the responsible of Steven’s corruption??? It’s because Steven’s hate to be a diamond, fine, but none know for sure it, the gems can understand it since it’s the hole point of the last seasons, but attack White saying that it’s all her fault is far from being correct, the reasons are way more complex and we just watched the entire progression of it in the last episodes! I don’t like White but you can’t give all the blame to her, I’m sorry but it feels like the fandom talked instead of Connie and that’s just feels wrong. AND YES, I’m aware that after all White is the one that also caused more problems, but it’s not just that, and CONNIE CAN’T FREAKING KNOW IT IF STEVEN DIN’T TALK FOR AN ENTIRE SEASON ABOUT HIS SHIT. Well anyway Connie give the inspirational speech, everyone now is ready to fight and Garnet has a plan.

Gonna say, I don’t really like the animation here, there are no big contrasts of colors and the part where Steven is running towards them is so flat and seems to be a running baby dinosaur and not a treating monster.

So okay everyone hugs him (noticing White’s face and the hate for her increase again), everyone says they’re here (admit that Greg’s parts here are my absolute favorite, he had so much space for Steven and I just love how much he cares and sounds genuinely emotionally broken and involved, LOVE GREG!) and won’t ever leave him. Of course Connie arrives and with her kiss Steven comes back.

... no, I’m sorry, this was too quick.

This monster that we were waiting to see for an entire season lasted ONE EPISODE OF TEN MINUTES??? This is even worse then White’s battle, at least there was good action, emotional involvement and White has been a “treat” for more or less 40 minutes and some plus with the last episodes!

I don’t say that the intention of doing it is bad, I mean, of course Steven would have come back normal, but if you turn someone that thinks that is a monster into an actual monster LET HIM DO MONSTER STUFFS!

They needed just a bit of minutes: Steven immediately escapes after the diamonds arrives, cut out the useless joke of their arrival, let Steven actually destroying Beach City and also go further then that and Homeschool and show that yes he’s acting like a monster, but he’s also fighting to not kill anyone (he cause a bit damage), there would be a fight sequence and then a scene with them that tells him that he’s not what he seems, now that I think of, let the other new gems of Homeschool help so Steven can see the gem he helped at the beginning of the season, including Jasper.

Also, I don’t think that the corruption just needed an hug of comfort, like, it needed more, use gem’s healing stuffs, a stick to calm him, anything that wouldn’t had just involve simply hugging because yes, knowing that the people we love are here for us helps, but it won’t magically make all the depression and mental damage go away, it needs time.

But the worse thing, is that they NEVER addressed Pink, I know that “SHE’S GONE” but at least give her a moment because apparently she’s really important since, you know, PINK POWER, DIAMOND EYES AND ALWAYS REFERRING TO HER WHENEVER THERE’S BEEN A PROBLEM WITH THIS NEW POWER.

It didn’t need much sentimentalism, just a whisper of her saying her son’s name, a phrase, or heck, once Steven woke up let him open the chest in lion’s mane and let him found one last message of his mother also to give her more importance either then make her look like the worst being of the galaxy.

Sooooo Steven woke up and, I’m not gonna lie, this is the part that made me tear up, none says anything, Steven realizes his actions, but then lion comes and while he starts cuddling him, he hugs him and finally cry, for real, I think that this is the most emotionally involved and sincere crying I have ever see in a cartoon, you can feel all the pain and thrown up of Steven, no words needed, just him that finally screams his pain, free, while his family watches him relieved that he’s back. CUT.

WHAT?? NOOOO PLEASE DON’T END THE PERFECT MOMENT I FOUND!!

“The Future”. Here we areeeeeee, the epilogue of the story.

Soooo Steven decides to leave. Jee didn’t see that coming. I mean, it can be but I never saw Steven like he wanted to leave, maybe I needed more clues about it, or maybe I’m just nitpicking sorry, I wrote enough for the monster part.

Anyway FINALLY STEVEN SEES A THERAPIST good lord it happened!!

So there’s the scene of Steven that makes cookie cats for the gems to tell them that he leaves and they’re like: “Sure whatever, be happy and leave the tv here” and then they leave him alone. I hated this part, I knew from the beginning that they were pretending to be happy and the inside they were in pain as hell.

Two things bothers me the most: after the events of the last episode apparently everything magically comes back normal, I’m sure it was intended but, for a person that experienced depression in her own skin, I found it really dumb. I had to go to several psychologists in the course and even after my depression period, it took me a lot of time to process the shit that happened and even now sometimes I rethink about it. One entire year of process plus some months to find confidence.

And you’re telling me a kid that experienced multiple traumas, which we know had a crucial impact to his mental stability, get over it perfectly, yeah he sees a therapist now but you know what I mean. And this lead to the fact that it all feels like Steven is about to explode again because the gems are acting like shit for him leaving.

The second thing that bothers me is the fact that HE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE “PROBABLY FOREVER” AND HE DOESN’T TELL TO THE GEMS UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE HIS DAY LEAVING??? So now we have Steven that AGAIN doesn’t tell to the gem that he’s leaving, THAT IS LIKE A PRETTY MUCH BIG IMPORTANT THING TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED YOU, no emotional conflict whatsoever, just another useless episode where everyone acts like freaking unrealistic morons, OKAY THEY’RE GEMS, but they’ve been able to put a lot of emotions with rocks as protagonists and now we have to buy this excuse? And all of this without mentioning a bit what happened in the last episode?? The diamonds of course don’t count anything along with Spinel, Steven then gives everyone a gift for his departure and I really enjoyed it, love so much Peridot’s reaction since one of my fave episodes of Future is the tv one just for the relationship with Steven and Peridot while the powers were really plot conventional. Jasper just make an appearence of not even ONE MINUTE, yeah she’s been shattered, nothing to explore much really UGH-! No, enough, or I really will lose my sanity into this freaking analysis fff. OH SOMETHING THAT I LOVED! Greg’s part was really cute, FINALLY he has a bed to sleep on and it just warms my heart, he has been one of my favorite characters AWWW

Then Steven say bye to everybody, come back and the gems cracks (GET IT).

This is so cringe I’m not kidding, also hilarious because wants to see them cry at all costs, like I THOUGHT I WAS THE SADISTIC BUT LOOK AT HIM! I understand his reasons, but really for the rest of the episode he wants to see them be tortured by agony, they do it and then he leaves with the smile on his face, I find it funny xD

There’s this exchange between them that I found good, but at that point I wasn’t even engaged anymore and so didn’t really get emotionally involved once again. So without any deeper explanation of what happened to Steven, an emotional engagement or a final satisfying shot, the boy leaves for adventure, following the now trend of protagonists that has to leave because nowadays people are obsessed with drama.

Aaaaaand this is the official end of Steven Universe and the finale of Future.

Guys, I didn’t cry, and once the screen went black I was so mad to myself at first because I really wanted to get emotional, I really wanted to feel the power that this show used to give me and that now officially finished without a single tear.

I talked with my brother all night about it and, in whole my entire life, I’ve never found and recognized so many flaws in a movie or tv show at its first watch.

Wanna give you an example of the finale of my all time favorite cartoon to give you a breath personal opinion of IT.

Phineas and Ferb Last Day of Summer: usually I hate to be redundant, but this is my absolute favorite show and I won’t ever get tired of talk and fangirl about it.

So the conflict in this special wasn’t the Inator the caused the repetition of time itself, but it was the context itself: this is the last day of summer.

There’s already a vibe that something is different, the nostalgic tone is heavy but not overdramatic because that’s not what Phineas and Ferb is about. However, what is different from its general formula in fact, is not only the tone, but how the characters are facing this imminent ending, not only for them, but also for the fans, which is something that immediately involve us emotionally because we’re exactly living what the characters are living. The only one that doesn’t accept it it’s Candace, who in fact cause the main conflict of the episode; not accepting the end of something and creating an alternative about it has its own consequences, and this could reflect the thoughts that some people may have when they don’t accept change; the day keeps on repeating and repeating, the changes are always different and with different strategies (in the case of Candace and Doof) but this little game can’t last long and we’re accepting something that is constant we’ll sooner or later get through extremely huge consequences. It’s also really subtle the portals that, once you fall on them, everything that involves you is disappear like it never exist, that’s another great scene when Phineas and Ferb gets sucked by these portals and THEIR OWN MOTHER doesn’t know their existence, it’s something that we knew it was gonna happen, but we’re so involved that we gasp anyway because it’s in the context of a season finale, and personally my first thought was “WHAT IF PHINEAS AND FERB NEVER EXISTED??”. Doof’s final resolution and becomes good is finally something we were waiting for the entire show, we always knew he was good and it’s so satisfying to finally see him redeemed, Candace tries to fix the damage that she caused with the help of the gang, Phineas and Ferb of course use their inventive to come back and in a final breath take sequence where the time is about to end forever, the day is finally save and so the rest of the characters!

*I’m starting crying welp*, then everyone just sits, no inventions, no crazy schemes, just a breath moment when the characters are talking and confronting their memories, the interactions between them suddenly increase while the music starts playing nostalgic, showing the characters we grew up with talking about all the amazing adventures they’ve been through, and we’re with them, sitting and feel close to them because we know what they’ve been through, we’ve always been with them, and we are now in this last day of summer.

THEN THE MUSIC STARTS AND TEARS HAVE TO DISAPPEAR FOR A MOMENT! The classic magnificent song formula is directed to us, the characters are talking to everyone that is now watching and primarily the people that have been loyal to them and followed their adventures after all this time. A big, heartbreaking love letter for the support shown towards them, the song has an happy tone but the words are strong, there’s this self awareness of everything they’ve done (also AYA but who cares I overlook for this!) and then finally Linda goes out and asks if anyone wants the pie, as usual, like everything, even if it change, always stay the same, the real spirit of thew show. Everyone enters in the house, all together, and the one that decide to say the last goodbye it’s Phineas.

Phineas, that always lived the moment, that went through the impossible and possible to gift to everyone the joy and fun we have to create with our own hands with the time that we have in our hands without necessarily do the greatest things, but just seize it to have fun and never forget to waste one single second of it. This boy, that always shown so much love for the summer, the season that allows you to do the impossible, now is closing the door, with a warm smile on his face, confident that with the end of this amazing journey, more adventures will wait if he’ll keep pushing forward, Carpe Diem.

... I’M FUCKING CRYING I CAN’T.

You know I’m not able to watch that last song even knowing the meaning of it because IT STILLS MAKE ME CRY THE END OUT OF ME.

After FIVE YEARS from its ending, this is a finale that is able to give a proper and plus exceptional conclusion of one of the best cartoons I ever seen and that is always dear to me. Maybe my standards for a finale of an important show are too high? Maybe, but what I know for sure, is that for the SUF finale, this feeling of conclusion felt empty to me.

Now that I shitted all the last three episodes, does that mean I hate the show?

Absolutely not. Even if not much like PnF and GF, I see Steven Universe as one of the most revolutionary and bravest show of this decade, its emotional beats conquered the heart of many fans and the characters made them stay by their side for so long. Some realizing its flaws or not, this show had a huge impact, and even if I personally didn’t felt it, so many people cried for the end of one of their favorite cartoons that meant so much for them, and thanking Rebecca Sugar and her crew for all the work she did for this show.

Alright so, these are my final thoughts, I’m sure that many people wouldn’t agree with me, and for that I’m greatly happy, but please I’d like to not get too much hate but only constructive comments about this finale. I understand that fans don’t like to let any idiots like me to ruin their enjoyment of their favorite show, and for that in fact I promise that this is will be my first and last expression of negative opinions on the finale of Steven Universe, I’d only answer my personal thoughts whenever people require it, for the rest I know how annoying picky fans could be, so I promise that I won’t ruin any longer the fun of this show, I’m just expressing my opinion.

Oh well look at that, another long post where I express my opinion, jeez I think this is the longest one yet, it took me one day to finish to write (in total, that would be three day but pfff who cares), I hope I didn’t bother much anyone opinion, remember I’m just a stupid Italian girl that wants to write during quarantine xP

For everyone that arrived at this point, thank you very very much for had stand my longest poem yet (GOSH IMAGINE WHEN CANDACE AGAINST THE UNIVERSE WILL COME OUT WELP) and see you soon for something different then sassy reviews, bye!

#steven universe #steven universe future #season finale #review #thoughts #phineas and ferb #last day of summer #I BEG YOU ALL DON’T KILL ME #personal opinion

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elsadidherbestokay · 5 years ago

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Okay so I haven’t actually written fanfiction (I do write poems still) since I was 13 and wrote some truly awful stories, all of which I abandoned two chapters in but Frozen is really calling me so I guess now I’m writing fanfics. Any feedback is welcomed, especially constructive criticism but uhhh tbh I’m nervous posting it because I’m not a very good writer and I use commas like an idiot but anyway I hope some of yall enjoy it?

One shot, 2k.

Gale won’t carry a note to the forest. Anna knows he’s probably just busy, so why is it so hard to breathe all of the sudden? Luckily Elsa is never too far away.

Gale always came when she called. Always. Even the times early on when she woke up in the dead of night and just needed to hear from Elsa to ease that little spark of fear deep within. It took only a few midnight notes for her terror to ease, knowing Gale would have a hastily scrawled note reassuring her of Elsa’s love and making plans to visit the next day within her hands in a half hour. Sure, the little wind spirit would sometimes take a moment or two to respond but never long enough for Anna to call more than twice and usually even that was overkill, the playful breeze blowing in the exact second Anna started to call a second time. She swore Gale waited for her to call again on purpose, just to take joy in interrupting her.

But certainly Gale had never made her call four times, as was happening now. Anna didn’t, strictly speaking, need Gale. Anna had the kingdom well in hand and notes she actually needed to send were rare. There were many times she felt as though she needed advice though, and Elsa’s letters were always so helpful. She still ended up venting her frustrations over fireside hot chocolate, their little ritual which was a more common these days since Kristoff had implemented a strict “no trade negotiations complaints during family game night” rule after charades devolved into a debate about the best ways to ensure favorable trades. One of the little girls in town had tugged on her sleeve as she passed by, breaking about seven kinds of etiquette in favor of asking her to give Elsa a photograph of her using a real sextant with snowflakes etched into it. It was incredibly cute and exactly something that Elsa would love to see and Anna made sure to tell the apologetic mother that it was quite alright, little children just get so excited and she really wasn’t offended about the breach of protocol and she’d be sure to send it right over.

But Gale just wouldn’t come, no matter how long she stood on her balcony and sang. What if it was something serious? What if there was an emergency and Gale refused to come? After all, the wind spirit couldn’t have known that Anna didn’t actually need help. Despite her best efforts the panic rose in Anna’s throat, binding tight in a way that didn’t particularly care what her rational mind thought, or that Anna had already sent four notes in the past twelve hours, their letters a constant back and forth that mostly consisted of “look how cute this bird I saw is” with a drawing, or “here’s a fact from Olaf xoxo,” a stream of consciousness that neither sister needed but that was nice. Like a conversation over tea, no matter where the other was.

Anna knew full well that Elsa wasn’t missing, that tonight was an important night for her at the Northaldran camp, that game night was tomorrow, and her sister was fine. Olaf was proof of that and Elsa wasn’t exactly in danger from any ordinary accidents of the forest. But the fact that Elsa could contact her perfectly fine and she couldn’t reach Elsa felt too much like the way things used to be, a barrier between them that Anna was powerless against.

It had had her hands shaking a little, rubbing against the thick paper she held in a vain attempt to soothe her. The forest was only two hours away for a single rider on a quick horse but she had official meetings tomorrow and her horse would be too tired for a return trip after just an hour or so there. Neither could she ask another to go in her stead, as Kristoff was needed tomorrow as well and she could not send any other. It wouldn’t be good for Arendelle, for the Queen to be sending anyone she could find off to the forest because she had to wait an hour to send a note there. No, she had to wait until Gale showed up again or Elsa came over for the night. Tomorrow, at the latest, and if not by then than something might actually be wrong. Not that anything was. Everything was fine. Gale was just busy, there was no need to be so absolutely bone deep terrified. Right?

Elsa, meanwhile was completely oblivious to her sister’s growing anxiety. She had taken Gale and the Nokk to Ahtohallan, searching for answers much different than the last time she had gone. Anna had jokingly told her that she was hogging the river of memories all to herself and wouldn’t she consider if the Northuldra wanted to visit while she was telling Anna her newly formed habits and Elsa couldn’t stop considering the possibility. Anna didn’t mean anything by it of course, having always considered it a place of spirits alone when Elsa had told her of the journey there, the deep pitfalls within that gave her confidence she was the only person to step foot there in centuries. But the knowledge of Ahtohallan had to come from somewhere and that meant that somebody had to have been there, right?

Ahtohallan answered her long considered ruminations, showing her Northaldran people from long ago exploring the cave. Only a glimpse, nothing more, but enough to bring ease to her worried mind and reassure her that with the spirits happy once more it was theoretically possible. She would not even consider bringing Anna across the sea if she didn’t know she would be safe within. It would be cruel, to give her such hope, to show her such beauty, and have to drag her out for her own safety before her sister saw what she wished.

No, Elsa’s mind was not on Anna’s current terror but rather, how to present to her the opportunity. If Anna genuinely didn’t want to go that was quite all right but Elsa was determined to make sure she understood that it was safe, that she was welcome to go if she wanted to, because her sister had been through so much, done so much for Elsa and if this would make Anna happy then she would do it in a heart beat.

But the moment she and Gale stepped out into the bright sunlight, they found the Nokk already formed, prancing in distress and Gale seemed to vibrate with energy for a split second before darting off across the sea, quick as could be and utterly terrifying. She had only been inside for an hour or two, and at the camp that morning. What could have possibly gone wrong that quickly?

Heart thumping in sudden terror, Elsa grabbed Nokk’s mane and swung up onto him, knowing he was too worked up to kneel for her and the exact second her feet were both off the ground he took off, surging forwards with a strange determination that Elsa was afraid to find the cause of. But he didn’t take her to the camp. Within a few moments they were at the castle, bounding up an ice staircase to the balcony of Anna’s room and the Nokk vanished. Terrified, Elsa slipped into the open balcony doors to find Anna sobbing heavily, curled around a pillow that was wet from tears and Gale fluttering around the room in obvious distress. Her sister didn’t even notice their arrival.

“Anna? Anna, what’s wrong?” Elsa dropped to her knees in front of the heavy four posted bed and her sister jolted, throwing herself into Elsa’s arms and sending them both crashing onto the cold concrete. There was a fresh round of wails, Anna burying her face into the crook of Elsa’s neck as she held her tightly.

“I’m s-s-sorry!” Anna cried, “I couldn’t call you,” and here her voice hitched. Elsa instantly felt awful. She had been singing, a lullaby that Maren had taught her last week. To think that her sister was beside herself with worry at the sudden inability to contact her while Elsa had been twirling in the snow, happy beyond belief at the prospect of sharing the hall of memories. Gale couldn’t have heard.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for Anna, I took Gale with me to Ahtohallan. He couldn’t hear you inside. The second we stepped out he shot off to you, of course you were frightened.” Anna’s sobs slowly started to fade away. “It’s okay Anna, I’d be terrified if it was the other way around. But I promise you, I’ll never let that happen ever again.” Elsa pulled away just a tiny bit, creating trio of snow doves and sending every bit of the love she had for her sister into them. They flapped their wings as the magic in them brought them to life, flying a quick circle around the room before returning. The largest one claimed Anna’s lap to snuggle into while the other two landed on Elsa’s outstretched arm.

“Oh Elsa!” Anna stroked the largest one’s head gently as it cooed. “They’re beautiful!”

“They’re alive, they’ll stay with you when I leave. I wish I had thought of this much sooner but they can carry notes. I don’t know if they’ll be able to find me inside Ahtohallan but we’ll do an experiment sometime to find out. I think they’ll be able to find me in the regular forest with ease. Gale will still come of course but we’ll give the little guy a break, huh?” Gale tossed Elsa’s hair into her face at the mention of his name and she smiled.

“You’re off note passing duty Gale, how about that? And thank you Elsa, I don’t know what came over me. I knew Gale was just busy but I just started to feel so worried. I haven‘t felt like I couldn’t reach you in so long, it felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

Elsa took her sister’s hands in her own, ducking her head to make eye contact the way Anna had so often done for her. “Do you remember, when we first opened up the palace how often I was overwhelmed just by touching things? I wore the gloves for so long that the feeling of textures felt wrong sometimes, even though I knew it was okay.”

Anna smiled sadly. “I remember when you carried that velvet book around for a week because you couldn’t believe how soft it was.”

“Even when you know things are different, some things just set you off until you the then bleeds into the now. But you’ll always have the birds now, so you never once have to feel like you can’t reach me, okay? You have three of them and Gale will still come to you, so you can send me all the notes your heart desires and the second you ask for it I’ll be on my way. I love getting to use my powers so freely and knowing that I can help both countries this way but Anna, I will never let you feel alone because of it, okay?”

"Thank you,” Anna said softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Come to Ahtohallan with me, I’d like to show you something.”

“What??” Anna cried, any lingering tears quickly forgotten in her surprise. Elsa laughed, grin spreading across her face at the sheer excitement on her sisters’.

“I mean it. That’s what I was doing earlier, asking if anyone else has even been there. It showed me a group of Northaldrans there many centuries ago and so I think it would be safe for you. I didn’t want to offer until I knew for sure you’d be able to go all the way into the hall of memories. Of course, you don’t have to go and if you’d rather not I understand and I--” Anna’s hand was suddenly shushing her.

“Elsa,” she said quite seriously. “I can think of nothing I’d like more than see Ahtohallan with you.”

It wasn’t until the next morning that Anna remembered last night was meant to be a celebration of her sister’s first hunting trip for the village. Her sister waved it away when Anna apologized, telling her that she had already caught the food and she certainly didn’t need the celebration for it but her message was undercut by the two letters from last week about how excited she was to so be accepted into the village. Anna felt awful but so, so loved.

#frozen #frozen 2 #anna #elsa #frozen fanfiction #frozen 2 fanfiction

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pastryseungs · 4 years ago

Text

On Children (2018)

Creator: Wú Xiao-le

Dir. Chen Wei-ling

⚠️ Spoilers !! ⚠️

very long post ahead~

i recently watched this Taiwanese show on Netflix and it gives me Black Mirror vibes as well! i relate to this show so much that some have made me ugly cry lmao. its so weird and entertaining that some leave you silent and zoning out for a few minutes after each episode ends :<

Ep. 1 Mother’s Remote

dude this episode was honestly so sad and infuriatingggg. believe it or not though, some parents just actually want the best for their children and their future, but some actually take it too far.. like this one.

Pei Wei’s parents are going through a divorce where Wei (Tzu-Chuan Liu) ends up living with his mother (Yu-Xuan Wang). after forging the signatures on his report card and manipulating his grades, Wei’s mother restarts his day with a remote to give him the chance to “fix” his mistakes. he is eventually pulled out from school to attend cram school.. ten times to pay for what he did. eventually, when it slightly goes back to normal, he meets a girl named Lan (Hsin-Yu) and the two immediately became friends because of their love for art.. which also immediately blossomed into puppy-love after a month.

Wei’s mother eventually catches the two at the library and treats them out to lunch, before banning Wei from seeing the girl again. he fights back, which sends him back to the day before he was about to meet Lan for the first time. but Lan doesn’t recognize him at all, which led him to countless suicide attempts which were all reversed by his mom’s remote. the line, “How many times do I have to do this?” hurts me so much, he just wanted to be free and happy and his mother just can’t give him that all because of bad grades.. damn..

the scene cuts and changes to a few years later with Wei as an adult.. at first i thought he actually was still with Lan but it turns out it was another woman :< that night, Wei is asked by his mother to go out for dinner and he meets Riley, the daughter of his mother’s friend. the two talk for awhile, Riley revealing that she was actually in a relationship that her family knows but doesn’t accept and Wei revealing that he’s also in a relationship as well.

Wei then buys an airplane ticket for his mother, and went to his mother’s house to retrieve the remote. with his mother forgetting her passport at home, her taxi goes back to her house and sees Wei across the street, holding the remote.

this scene was actually so sad for me, because the last part was Wei going back in time when he met Lan. i actually felt like Lan’s the person that gave Wei a sense of freedom when he felt suffocated/drowned by his mother’s strict attitude towards him. you can actually see the longing in his eyes when he went back there.. gosh i was so sad when this episode ended. this one’s actually one of my favorite episodes !! the open ending led me to believe that Wei and Lan actually ended up together and lived happily ever after~ 😤💗

Ep. 2 Child of the Cat

after failed attempts at getting good grades, Guo-yan (Hsiu-Fu Liu) meets a girl named Lo Chih-Wei (Yu-Ping Wang) after seeing her having a nervous breakdown and harassing another student, she then tells him about some sort of parallel universe and that it offers them something to kill in exchange for intelligence. Guo-yan then develops this delusion after killing their house cats with cat food mixed with rat poison.. he then starts succeeding in his academics, even announcing his perfect score in his mock exam during his grandfather’s funeral.

the line, “Why must you impose all you want on me?” was so sad.. his parents were putting him under so much pressure, even extending his tutoring hours just to make him study harder and try to pass the exams. but at that point, it was too late, his tutor informed his mother that he needed to see a psychiatrist since he might be going through something, but his mother was indenial, thinking that his son was alright and that he was probably just the typical lazy teenager, which was not the case. he was already asking for help through his actions !! even going as far as making his mother find a non-existent noisy cat to take care of during his exams because he couldn’t concentrate.

this episode kind of frustrates me because Guo-yan’s mother listens too much to their relatives/in-laws advices and criticisms that she doesn’t listen or even bat an eye when her son is literally going through something. the ending was somewhat happy though, with Guo-yan learning how to do carpentry and building their own shop maybe?

Ep. 3 The Last Day of Molly

to be honest, this one made me ugly cry :< you’ll never really know until its too late, huh? Molly’s mom (Ivy Yin) probably won’t know that she was the reason behind Molly’s demise if it wasn’t for that machine/gadget.

Molly (Gingle Wang) had a lot to offer in their world with her writing talent. sadly, in order to save face, she was too obedient about the fact that her mother wanted to enroll her to Medical school and make her get a degree in another country. she was the highest-ranking student in their school, which made her mother have high expectations for her. she disapproved of everything she did, saying that a job wouldn’t be suitable for her and that she has to work hard in order to work a certain job. it just baffles me how much some parents think its their choice to choose their child’s career path .-.

the saddest part was when Molly’s mother found out that she had caused this mess. the guilt literally made her feel like she should be behind bars for the rest of her life, and that Molly would want that too. her demise was probably the best revenge she could think of, since she resented her mother for making her study and focus on things that she thinks will make her rich in the future.

i felt so sad for Molly’s sister, Kelly, because she was already expected to follow in her sister’s footsteps, even going so far as extending her tutoring hours while she was still dealing with grief. personally, i wouldn’t be able to do so until i already feel better and moved on a little. its hard to deal with grief especially when you’re so used to seeing that person all the time, which is why i somehow understand their pain.

honestly though, i can’t help but ugly cry during the part when Molly says, “Mom, I love you and I’m sorry.” if it wasn’t for Molly’s death, her mother wouldn’t realize that she was taking her children and their family for granted.. damn.

Gingle Wang is such a great actor !! she also kinda looks like Minnie from G-Idle too! :>

Ep. 4 Peacock

always be careful what you wish for. tbh, this episode was really weird and scary for me. Qiao-Yi (Yu-Xuan Wang) was ready to risk it all just to get everything she had always dreamed of, which included her sight, her talent for painting, seeing colors, and her appearance. she was literally turning into a peacock just to get help her family stay afloat and help her enter a good college and stay in school to be rewarded as their donor.

her school, Victor, was really weird as well. students were not allowed to ask questions during class, which led to students literally isolating another student in class because she was curious.. no wonder some are having a hard time in their class. the school was full of self-centered, snobby brats that only cared if you’re rich or have something luxurious to offer, it was honestly so weird for me. i’d hate to experience that kind of environment, i probably wouldn’t last three days.

if i was in her situation, i’d probably want to fit in with the others as well if it meant being less lonely and having someone to talk to even if everything you talk about is too shallow for your liking. it was just so sad that they were willing to trade anything just for a good life and financial stability, which led to Qiao-Yi’s mom (Chiung-Hsuan Hsieh) as the peacock in exchange for Qiao-Yi’s and her brother in their parents’ (or maybe just her mother?) dream schools.

Ep. 5 ADHD is Necessary

it was just so wrong for the Ruo-wa’s mother (Chuan Chen Yeh) to make her daughter fake a mental illness to help them continue living a lavish lifestyle, which eventually led to Ruo-wa’s (Frances Wu) demise.

Ruo-wa’s mother wanted nothing but for Ruo-wa to achieve and maintain a high-rank in terms of intelligence. but, you see, Ruo-wa isn’t exactly the best in terms of academics, the girl was so focused in school that she doesn’t even know what she’s really great at! her mother was so desperate for both of them- mostly her, to stay afloat that she would make her daughter detailed and organized notes to help her study, to help them keep the lavish lifestyle, because she couldn’t accept the reality that they had to live at the Pigeon Cage because of Ruo-wa’s intelligece. she also did this for her late son, which caused her to be awarded for having a high-ranking son, which also led to his demise. all this time, she thought that her son had died from a car crash, but he was actually destroyed for having a low rank and wanting to be a carpenter.

also, i can’t help but point out that they look like characters from the movie Divergent (2014). they literally look like they belong in Abnegation/Candor/Erudite lmao. and people who are being sent to the Pigeon Cage were Amity/Factionless/Divergent, since they were all special and talented in their own ways and they knew how to farm; sadly, they don’t belong in the real world. i was also so happy when i saw Wei, Lan, Guo-yan, Kelly, and Qiao-Yi !! like, at least they were saved from their parents’ grasps and they’re now free to do whatever they desire.

i was so sad when the police went there and trashed everything, killing the children that weren’t even bothering anybody just because they were low-ranking and weren’t doing their part in the community. in the end, it was Ruo-wa’s mother that had the last laugh and it was just so infuriating for me.. i wanted her to have the karma !! not Ruo-wa’s demise !! 😤

the place in order and everyone was at peace and getting along, why did she have to ruin it all for them? and why did Ruo-wa had to be destroyed ??? i feel like i could compare this to Divergent people ?? since they’re different and they’re being destroyed for not belonging somewhere.. like a Divergent person.

wellll that ends my post !! also, if this is what eventually happens to technology, then imma head out ✌️😗

#netflix #film review #netflix series #film reviews #black mirror #on children #taiwanese series #taiwan #sci fi #anthology #must watch

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truerequitedlove · 6 years ago

Text

Formless

something deep and primal within me begged me to write this. i hope someone else finds something in it for them as well

note - i wrote this in one sitting and i’m not super sure of it so constructive criticism is not only welcome but i’m begging u

disclaimer – i’m not claiming anything portrayed in this piece of fiction as true or untrue about any of the people i’ve used characterizations of in real life

Genre: introspection, reality/non-AU

Warnings: gender questioning, sexuality questioning, bit of gender dysphoria, brief mention of depression, brief mention of homophobia, brief existentialism, lots of queerness

Word Count: too long tbh (4.8k)

Dan wished he was formless.

read on ao3

~•~•~

Dan wished he was formless. Shapeless. Amorphous. Nebulous. He wished he was hazy around the edges. He wished he was open to interpretation, able to sway one direction and then just as quickly to the next. He wished he looked different depending on the light. He wished every time he was seen, he was new. He wished he was ambiguous. Silver in a world of bright colors. Reflective. He wished he was infinite and fathomless and chameleonic. He wished he was a grey area, balancing on a line, living in a pocket to the left of the known universe.

But Dan was just Dan. Just lines and angles and flesh and bones.

And Dan didn’t know what caused him to long for this sense of formlessness. It could easily have been the sadness that occasionally overwhelmed him. The desire to be anything but human. Human with the pesky ability to feel and think and wonder and philosophize.

But that was different. When the sadness managed to take over, to eat at Dan, when the numbness set into his bones, it was different. During these times, he was formless. Not in the right way. In the confusing, fearful, way. When he melted into a puddle and parts of him kept slipping away, and he couldn’t gather himself up quickly enough to become whole again. To become a person again.

And Dan did like being a person. He liked being human. He liked the feeling of fingers trailing over his skin. He liked the way his stomach did flips before something amazing happened. He liked breathing in fresh air when he stepped outside or opened a window. He liked the way certain tastes bathed his tongue and made him feel inside his chest. He liked the way he could express his thoughts aloud, in writing, in art. He liked the way he could experience others’ thoughts through their words and art. He liked that he had a body that felt and a mind that thought.

So, Dan had begun to think that maybe he wanted formlessness only because of societal ideals.

Or, perhaps, that everyone was formless.

Perhaps humans existed in a formless, nebulous, chaotic state, and they forced themselves into molds to create forms that were organized and neat. Perhaps some humans fit those molds better than others. Perhaps some humans overflowed, seeped through the cracks, spilled out chaos.

Okay. Maybe from the moment one was born, molds were placed in front of them by the picture-perfect of the world. Molds made for them and handed to them as if one size fit all. Male. Female. Straight. Society asked humans to fit into the molds. When humans rejected these molds, they found another to try on. Gay. Bisexual. Ace.

But Dan wanted to be mold-less. Formless. He wanted to be an exception. He wanted—

“Dan?” a voice called from across the flat, breaking into his thoughts.

Dan frowned, trying to recapture the thought. Formless. Dan wanted to be formless with no limit to his—

“Dan?” the voice called again.

Dan sighed. “What?” he called back in a monotone.

“Pasta,” Phil replied shortly.

Dan shook his head, and his lips quirked up a little. He stood from the bed and walked down the hall toward the kitchen.

“You interrupted my introspection,” Dan said, knocking his hip against Phil’s as he reached to grab a bowl from the cupboard.

Phil scooped some of the pasta out of a pot on the stove into his own bowl. “Good,” he said, knocking Dan’s hip in return. “You’ve been doing too much of that.”

“I’m doing important reflection on my life and identity so that I can further my career and personal life in a way that stays authentic to my true self,” Dan argued, scooping himself up some pasta.

“I know,” Phil said, taking a seat at their table. “But, you know, I think sometimes you learn more about yourself by living life than reflecting on it.”

“I think I’ve lived a lot the past year,” Dan said, sitting across from Phil.

“Fair,” Phil said before he scooped some pasta noodles into his mouth. “What have you been thinkin’ about?” Phil asked, before fully swallowing his mouthful.

Dan raised an eyebrow, breathing out a soft chuckle at Phil. “Societal expectations versus individual identity.”

Phil chuckled. “I look forward to—to reading your thesis,” he joked.

Dan smiled. “Or maybe just watch my next video.”

Phil hummed. “Thinking about doing another deep-ish one?” he asked, and Phil always made it sound so simple.

“Maybe,” Dan said. “Haven’t decided.”

“Well,” Phil said, reaching for a napkin to wipe pasta sauce from the corner of his mouth. “Whatever it is, it’ll be great,” he promised.

Dan smiled a little. “What makes you say that?”

Phil swallowed his bite of pasta. “Because it’s you,” he said easily, scooping more pasta onto his fork. “Eat your pasta I slaved over it for hours.”

Dan rolled his eyes, still smiling a bit as he scooped some of the pasta onto his fork.

~•~•~

Dan looked himself in the mirror. He was still half-asleep, but he’d tugged on a t-shirt. And sweatpants, as it was a bit chilly. He hadn’t turned the bathroom light on, planning to try to sleep in a bit longer, but he’d paused when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

He looked at himself, unsure what exactly made him stop. It was him. He didn’t look terrible or exhausted. He didn’t look amazing, either. His curls fell into his face, grown out just a bit since his last haircut. The light cotton shirt he wore hung off his shoulders loosely. His sweatpants were nestled low around his hips. His cheeks were soft and red from sleeping. His lips were much less chapped than usual, red, and a bit plumper than usual.

He liked the way he looked.

Dan couldn’t perfectly put his finger on what it was he liked, but he felt good.

He felt... He felt that sense of formlessness that he’d been craving if only a little. It might have been the messiness. An oversized shirt, unkempt hair. No, no. It wasn’t the messiness. It definitely wasn’t the messiness. He grabbed a comb from the bathroom drawer, flicking the light on.

He played with his hair a bit, pushing it back and combing it forward. No, no. He tried to capture the feeling he wanted, but it felt like it was getting further and further away. No, no, what happened? Where had the feeling gone? Dan felt frustration slowly replace the satisfaction. Tears gathered in his eyes.

Dan heard Phil stumble toward the bathroom, and he opened the door, seeming surprised to see Dan despite the light being on. Phil was obviously still half-asleep, but he noticed Dan was upset.

“Hey,” Phil spoke, voice scratchy and deep. He tried to clear his throat with a cough. “Hey, what’s wrong?” His voice still came out a bit gravelly.

Dan reached up to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “Oh, uh, nothing, nothing. Sorry. I’ll let you pee,” Dan said, leaving the bathroom. He was pretty sure that a less-sleepy Phil wouldn’t have let him get away so easily.

Dan crawled back into bed, trying to shake the strange discomfort that had crept up on him and just fall asleep again. Before he could, Phil crawled back into bed beside him.

“Hey,” Phil breathed, wrapping his arms around Dan’s middle. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Dan breathed, not sounding too convincing.

“Hey,” Phil murmured again, dropping a kiss to Dan’s head. “You’re gorgeous.”

Dan didn’t know how Phil knew to say that, but he smiled a little. Gorgeous . “Thanks,” Dan said genuinely.

~•~•~

Dan was thinking about high school. He was thinking about trying to be a scene kid, wearing skinny jeans, girls’ jeans, trying eyeliner, growing his hair too long, straightening it. He was thinking about the emo boys he’d known. He was noticing how the whole scene sort of allowed teenage boys to embrace a more feminine side. They got to mess around with feminine fashion, hairstyles, make-up, and express their emotions.

He was thinking about the kids who’d call him gay, throw rocks, yell ‘faggot’ after Dan and his friends. They’d just laugh at the time or yell something back, but Dan wondered if those things really did leave a lasting impact on his expression.

He was thinking about the other night, the vague rightness he had seen in his reflection for a split second. He was thinking about how he knew, objectively, that he was a good-looking guy, but he was still unsatisfied with his appearance. He was thinking about his curly hair. He was thinking about his old reading festival bracelets. He was thinking about nail polish. He was thinking about his relationship with Phil. He was thinking about his fear of being labeled gay. He was thinking about the time when he was in uni and grew his hair out a bit long, straightened it, and put in earrings. He was thinking about the time when he cut his hair, styled it like every guy he knew did, defended himself, guarded himself, and shoved a few pieces of himself into the recesses of his being. He was thinking about the change between those times and the change between then and now.

Dan was thinking quite a lot.

He was thinking quite a lot about sexuality, gender, and identity.

He was thinking about it, because it wasn’t so scary at the moment, and he needed to take advantage of that.

There was a time when Dan wanted to be seen as anything but gay. Anything but feminine.

But, had Dan ever really felt masculine?

So, Dan thought about that. Had there ever been a time in his life that he had really felt like a boy or a man?

During his childhood, before gender or sexuality or appearance mattered, Dan would live carelessly. He would wear tiaras and tutus and sing spice girls into plastic microphones. He would climb trees and skin his knees and ride his bicycle around the neighborhood. He took piano lessons. He refused to play rough and fight with the other little boys. He made friends with girls. He ran through parks, rolled down grass hills. He hugged his grandma and kissed her hello. He was never good at sports. He loved video games.

And, no, he’d never felt like a girl . But, had he ever felt like a boy? Dan had never given much thought to gender. He’d always just been Dan . Dan with boy friends and girl friends. Dan who liked girls and liked boys. Dan who cursed at video games and cried listening to Cancer by My Chemical Romance.

Dan had felt gay before. He’d felt queer.

He often felt queer.

When he laid his head against the flat, broad, chest of his boyfriend. When he kissed the firmer lips of a man, his man. When he fell into bed with his lover, pressed himself into him, let him press himself into Dan. When Dan’s gaze toward a man lingered a second. God, when Dan looked in the mirror. He always felt queer. That was irrevocably a part of him. A part of him he’d learned to take pride in.

Alas, beyond that vague queerness, Dan had always struggled to define himself.

Dan stopped running, leaning against the wall and catching his breath. He looked around at the scarcely populated streets. The sun was just starting to properly light up the sky. Dan almost felt like the only one alive. He wondered when he became a morning person, but it was so peaceful. So still.

It was easier to think in the morning. He had a blank slate to work with. He wasn’t quite afraid of the world yet, because it wasn’t awake yet. It wasn’t bustling and busy and chaotic yet. In that, it was the same as staying up until two, or three, or four in the morning. The difference was in how Dan felt, how the world felt.

Three am was full of people ending their days. Full of people hurting, thinking, crying, fucking, falling in love, feeling . There were anxieties about the morning lingering in the air. Time moved faster. There was something so heavy about the early hours of darkness.

The morning was light. It was full of fresh starts and hope. Thoughts didn’t weigh so heavily on the mind, because there was the entire day to sort them out. Getting up early was already an accomplishment. The world was quiet, and time moved slowly.

At least for Dan.

He smiled a little.

Maybe Dan wasn’t entirely a man. He had never even felt too comfortable calling himself a man. ‘Boy’ has been okay. ‘Man’ was too…masculine. Too definitive.

Maybe he was just overthinking like he always did. Maybe gender roles meant nothing and Dan just refused to give into them. Maybe being a man was whatever he wanted it to be. Or maybe gender identity was just this vague and confusing feeling. Maybe Dan was a little bit formless. Maybe he couldn’t fit into any of the molds. Maybe he craved the same label-less formlessness for his gender as he did his sexuality. Maybe these thoughts would become terrifying in a few hours.

That was okay. Mornings were full of ‘maybe’s. Maybe he’d make breakfast. Maybe he’d crawl back into bed and fall back asleep. Maybe he’d look through old video idea files and see what he could update to match his current self. Maybe he would just watch the new Queer Eye episodes and play the piano and laze about. Maybe he would look in the mirror and say ‘maybe I’m not a man.’

Dan looked up at the sky again before changing the playlist on his phone to play the more upbeat instrumentals he had compiled for these runs. He set of jogging again.

It was still early.

~•~•~

Dan set a bottle of base-coat nail polish, a bottle of black nail polish, a bag of cotton balls, and a bottle of nail polish remover down on his desk one by one. He turned on a light and sat down.

He untwisted the top to the base nail polish, wiping the brush on the sides to get rid of the excess, and brought the applicator to his fingernail, slowly painting a line of the clear polish onto his nail, messing up the moment he had to fill in around his skin, and painting over his skin.

Dan took in a breath. He reached for a cotton ball and the nail polish remover, cleaning his nail off.

He tried it again.

He messed up again, this time after a few more swipes of nail polish.

He took in a breath, wiping the nail polish away with a wetted cotton ball.

He tried again.

He didn’t mess up until he got to the black polish. He painted insanely messily and out of the lines, covering his skin and cuticles in the polish.

He took in a breath and reached for the nail polish remover.

He tried again.

Paint went onto the nail. It was messy. It was outside the lines. It wasn’t right.

Dan didn’t allow himself to get frustrated. He took another deep breath. He wet another cotton ball.

He tried again.

It was understandable that the nail polish wouldn’t stay within the confines Dan had created for it. But, Dan wanted to find a way for something to fit right. He wanted the polish on his nails to be perfect. He wanted to get good at it. He wanted it to be normal and to feel second nature.

Once he could do this, he could do the next step.

Dan didn’t know what the next step was, but he knew he wanted to get there. He needed to get there.

So, he wiped his nails off, until he did the first one perfectly, none of it on his skin or cuticles. Then he moved to the next finger and did it again. He bit his lip as he focused, painting over and over until he got it perfect.

Then, once that was dried, he repeated the process on the other hand.

~•~•~

“Look,” Dan said, holding his hand out to Phil.

Phil spared a small glance. “Cute,” he said because this was normal.

“No,” Dan said. “Look.”

Phil perked an eyebrow, but looked again, taking Dan’s hand and holding it in the light to look them over. “Very pretty,” he said.

“I did a good job, yeah?” Dan asked because Phil was clueless and he needed the reassurance.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, they look great,” Phil assured. “Perfect, actually,” he said, looking them over.

Dan rolled his eyes and sat back. “Took a few attempts,” he said.

“Well, you’re getting good at it,” Phil said.

Dan smiled. “I try.”

Phil’s gaze remained on Dan’s face for a moment.

“What?” Dan asked, blushing . He was fucking blushing, he could feel the warmth in his cheeks. Phil Lester had spared him many a long glance with similar amounts of affection. Still, Dan felt his stomach flutter just a bit. Dan didn’t know why it felt different in the moment, but it did.

“Nothing,” Phil said, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “You’re just. Dunno. You look very pretty.” He turned back to his laptop.

Dan smiled, looking away. “Thank you.”

~•~•~

Dan was scrolling through the Instagram of Ben J. Pierce and trying to remember when they’d ended up in a mutual following.

There was something lovely and inspiring about these queer creators he followed. The pride they took in their identity and expression was comforting and inspirational. Still, Dan managed to find sadness in it. He couldn’t help but feel strange. Ben, for example, was only just twenty years old. When Dan was twenty, he was entering the throes of repression, about to spend a year or so trying to change himself, to make himself more desirable to the audience he felt he wanted. Yet, there were so many younger than him who seemed to be so aware of themselves. So proud of themselves. And so loud about it.

Dan looked at the lipstick painted across Ben’s lips. The dresses pulled over his chest. The colors around his eyes. The shimmer on his cheekbones. Dan loved it. He loved it for Ben. But there was also a sort of longing in his chest as he looked at these pictures. Make-up seemed like a lot. A dress seemed like a lot. But, still, he wanted it. He wanted to be comfortable with the idea of his face covered in makeup and his awkward body stuffed into a skirt or dress. Not just in front of the mirror at home. Not just for the sake of trying it.

Maybe he would be someday.

A few years ago, it would have felt like a joke to want such a thing, so at least he was making progress. The idea of being anything but a man would have seemed like a joke.

Dan knew a lot of things now that he hadn’t known back then. He had met people in the past few years that a young, sexually confused and repressed Dan could never even have imagined existing. Young people with bright smiles and grateful words and knowledge of their own identity that Dan sort of envied.

People who looked up at him with bright eyes and said “thank you so much for always using inclusive language,” and “I met people through you that allowed me to find parts of myself and piece together my identity,” and “I’m glad you’re comfortable with traditionally non-masculine things, because I was made fun of for being a boy that likes feminine things.” People who made Dan feel like somehow this silly YouTube thing had a genuinely positive effect on hundreds of people. People who gave Dan way too much credit.

Dan looked down at his nails, painted flawlessly. He remembered the first time he’d properly painted them. The endless support and excitement that flooded in from fans. It had been silly. Love and support for putting a bit of paint on his nails. But, it had also been amazing. He had genuinely been afraid. He’d looked that the bottle of nail polish a fan had given him. A cheap, barely opaque, dollar store bottle. He’d felt the same longing he did now.

That was one thing. Not wanting to conform to gender roles. Life was too short to just live in the box set out for you by society.

The thing that was different was the strange euphoria that washed over him when he looked down at his painted nails. When he wore a too-big sweater. When his hair fell over his forehead just right.

Just the thought of drifting further away from the labels, boxes, and societal rules of gender made something bubble up inside of him. Something distinct from his current queerness but queer nonetheless. After all these months of introspection and striving to live as authentically as possible, Dan was ready to fully acknowledge this facet of his queerness. He was ready to acknowledge that he might not just wish for formlessness, but already be, in a way, formless.

~•~•~

Dan had been quiet and contemplative for a while. He was ready to talk now. He wanted to lay it all out verbally and piece it together in words as best as he could. Dan hated fixed labels, but his mind also hated leaving things nameless. Phil had patient ears, and soft encouragement, and had foolishly agreed to stay with Dan and listen to his contemplation for nine years and counting.

So, Dan walked into the lounge where he knew he’d find Phil and caught his gaze.

“What if I told you I wasn’t a man?”

Phil set aside his laptop, giving Dan his full attention. Dan hoped he wasn’t going to make a big deal, but he knew better. That wasn’t their style. Phil smiled a little and seemed neither startled nor bothered.

“I would say ‘okay,’” Phil said. “And I would ask if you’d like me to change the way I refer to you.”

Dan almost felt as though these were words contemplated by Phil before this conversation. Dan smiled little. Of course. He was stupid. Phil knew. God, Phil had probably known before Dan had even begun to properly question.

“And if I said I wasn’t sure?” Dan asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch so he could face Phil.

“Then,” Phil said easily. “I would say ‘okay,’ and ask if you wanted to talk about it.”

Dan smiled. “How long have you suspected?” he asked.

Phil understood because of course he did. Dan wasn’t sure how people communicated with people who didn’t know them so well. Talking to anyone else about this would have been so much different, so much scarier, and so much harder.

Phil shrugged. “I didn’t know anything for sure, but I hadn’t ruled it out. I just figured if you felt like you needed to say anything you would, and you have.”

Dan leaned back into the couch cushion, smiling a bit, but unsure exactly how to proceed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked.

Dan looked down at his black nails. “Yes.”

Phil shut his laptop, moved a bit closer to Dan and Dan talked.

Dan talked for a long time. He talked about the stupidity of gender roles, about the articles he’d read about gender being merely a construct. Scientific research studies. Phil mentioned gently and with a chuckle that Dan didn’t have to cite medical journals to justify the way he and many others felt.

Dan talked about being queer. He talked about painting his nails. He talked about catching glimpses of himself in the mirror and feeling warmth well up at the casual androgyny he sometimes found in his reflection. He talked about baggy clothes and small hoop earrings and curly hair. He talked about euphoria and dysphoria.

Dan talked about the non-binary and binary trans people who showed up to meet and greets. He talked about the queer pride that radiated off of so many of their audience. He talked about all he’d learned about the world in trying to understand his and Phil’s audience, and incidentally, all he’d learned about himself.

He talked candidly about the difficulty he often had equating himself with a man. With maleness or masculinity. He talked about male beauty gurus and gender nonconforming people and drag queens and non-binary genders.

Phil listened. He added comments. He brought up things that he noticed about Dan that Dan hadn’t even noticed. He occasionally asked for clarification, but he knew all of the terms and the ideas and Dan was so glad Phil was quite queer as well.

They talked for hours, between bites of food and snacks. They talked until the sun went down. They talked until Dan’s jaw got tired and they couldn’t keep their eyes open.

“We should head to bed,” Phil said because he knew Dan could stay up and talk despite the tiredness.

Dan nodded. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Did we…did I ever reach any sort of conclusion?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’d say I did,” Phil said, smiling, eyes drooping and hand on Dan’s thigh.

“Mhm?” Dan asked, gently pushing Phil’s hair from his face. “What’s that?”

“You’re you,” Phil said. “And I love you.”

“Gross. Cheesy. I’m putting you to bed,” Dan said.

Phil smiled. “I know you like to think and sort things out,” Phil said, yawning. “But, I think things get clearer with time, you know? We’re moving slowly right now. You can let yourself slow down too. You’re ready, you know? Who you are—your truth—it’ll come to you, yeah? Piece by piece.”

Dan smiled. There were tear tracks on his cheeks because this was a lot. Talking about this was a lot. He was ready. He was finally ready to confront this vague feeling within himself that he’d always dismissed. And he didn’t have to do it alone. Another tear slipped down his cheek, and he swiped it away.

“Just let me know if you need me to change anything, or do anything. I know you’re getting so close to where you wanna be.”

Dan smiled, leaning into Phil. “I love you.”

Phil smiled too, taking in a deep breath before forcing himself to stand. He offered Dan a hand. “Alright. Bed now.”

~•~•~

Dan looked down at their freshly painted nails. They smiled. They’d removed the polish once it began to chip and reapplied it for a few weeks now. It was so strange how such a small thing could make Dan feel so much more in touch with themself.

They supposed for a lot of people, nail polish was just an extra pop of color. To Dan, it felt like a step into a new way of expressing themself. A reaffirmation to themself that their identity was real. That their formlessness was real. That their queerness was good and beautiful. That they were good and beautiful.

Dan walked into the kitchen, finding Phil buttering some toast. “I want you to switch them up,” Dan said.

Phil looked up. “What?” he questioned.

“Pronouns. Any are good. I mean, I don’t mind any. I like them all, so. I’d like it if you switched them up,” they said.

“Oh,” Phil said, smiling. “I will.”

Dan still wasn’t sure who Phil would speak to about Dan using any pronouns other than ‘he/him,’ but that was a question for another day. Dan knew Phil understood that as well, turning back to his toast.

“So, they, she, and he?” Phil clarified, wiping the butter from his knife and dropping it into the sink.

Dan felt a flutter in their stomach at the idea of being referred to as they or she. “Yeah. All good,” they said.

��So, like, ‘you should meet my boyfriend—” Phil started, moving to wrap his arms around Dan’s waist. “They’re beautiful, thoughtful, and talented. She has pretty eyes. She has a few freckles and patches of red. Her lips aren’t chapped anymore, which means they’re even better for kissing.” Phil pressed a short kiss to Dan’s lips. “I love them a lot,” he said.

A wide smile spread over Dan’s lips, they could feel their eyes water a bit, and their stomach buzzed with euphoric butterflies. “Yeah, pretty much,” Dan breathed, giggling a bit. “Although I hope you don’t always talk to people like you’re a fourth grader writing a story.”

Phil smiled, pressing another kiss to Dan’s lips. “I’m proud of you, you know,” he said, grabbing his plate of toast and taking a seat at the dining table.

Dan smiled. “I’m proud of me too,” they said.

#decided heck it and posted #arys writes #phanfic #phanfiction #nonbinary!dan #enby!dan #introspection fic #gender identity fic #edit: this was posted pre coming out just for a lil context

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alchemist-shizun · 6 years ago

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As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

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badstoriesaboutgoodpeople · 6 years ago

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Amnesia

AN: Hey! This is the first fanfic I’ve written in years, so please be nice to me lol. It’s based on the song Amnesia by 5sos, basically I wrote about Tyler breaking up with his girlfriend to move to Dallas, and of course I also wrote their eventual reunion. It’s really cheesy and I kinda hate it, but that’s ok. I hope you guys enjoy it because I read a lot of fanfics and I know how frustrating it is to read poorly written/boring work. Also I know I said this was going up on the 8th but I didn’t really want to wait because I have my Jujhar Khaira fic to post, I just posted something about PLD on my ao3, I’m in the middle of writing another fic about Tyler, and I have fics planned for draisaitl and mcdavid.

Warnings: none really, it’s sad for a bit but then it’s fluffy

You got home from work to find Tyler sitting on your couch, which wasn't an uncommon sight. You'd given him a key to your apartment when you'd moved in, and he'd often come over to watch movies after a game, or come help you make dinner when he had nothing better to do. You’d been dating for a few years, you got together before his NHL debut. What was uncommon about seeing him sitting there were the tears on his face.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" you asked, placing your purse on the ground and kicking off your heels before walking over to sit next to him on the couch. He didn't respond, he merely buried his face in your neck and continued crying.

"Ty, hun, tell me what has you so upset."

"I'm leaving."

"What do you mean you're leaving Ty, what's going on?"

"I got traded Y/N, I'm moving to Dallas."You sat there stunned, not knowing how to respond. You felt your eyes water at the thought of being without him, but you knew you couldn't let yourself be upset right now, Ty needed you to be strong. You feel his arms squeeze you tighter, and you were forced back to reality.

"What are we gonna do Y/N, you just got a promotion, you can't leave."

"We can try to make it work Ty..... we can Skype every night?" you offered, knowing this wasn't a solution, but not wanting to think about the reality of what would likely end up happening to your relationship.

"Y/N..... you know how busy I'll be, there's no way we would be able to make that work," Ty said while sniffling.

"I know, I just can't imagine being without you Ty. I'm happy for you though, maybe a fresh start will be good for you. You're a great player, Dallas is lucky to have you."

You spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, fearing what would happen once you let go.

Three Years Later

You were driving home from work one day, and you passed the restaurant Tyler and you used to frequent after he'd won a game, remembering the nights you spent there together with the rest of his team celebrating.

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted

You thought back to the last time you kissed Tyler, in the airport before his flight to Dallas. He tasted like his favourite peppermint gum, and his lips felt soft and familiar against yours. You had agreed to break up before he left and he got a girlfriend shortly after his arrival, so the few times you'd been able to make it to Dallas to visit him, you weren't able to kiss him, and it's something you missed dearly.

Even though your friends tell me you're doing fine, are you somewhere feeling lonely when though she's right beside you?

You had made friends with some of Tyler's teammates the few times you'd travelled to Dallas, and you made a point to text Jaime regularly to make sure Tyler was doing alright. You still talk to Ty, but knowing him he won't tell you if anything is wrong. You still wonder if he's hiding something, but you have to tell myself there's nothing else you can do.

If what we had was real, how could you be fine? 'Cause I'm not fine at all

You haven't been able to find a date since Tyler left, knowing nobody would be able to fill the void that Ty left. It wouldn't be fair to date someone when you’re still pining after your first love who now lives almost 2,000 miles away. You tried dating apps and even blind dates set up by your friends, but they all fell short compared to what you'd had with Ty. You still wonder how he managed to find someone just months after moving to Dallas, how he was able to get over the years you had together so quickly.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you.

The first few months of sleeping alone had been torture. You'd become so used to falling asleep next to him that you found it impossible to sleep without him. No amount of pillows could replicate the feeling of him next to you, snoring quietly and occasionally mumbling in his sleep. You would often lay awake at night wondering what your life would be like if you had fought harder to keep him with you. You think about what would've happened if you'd quit your job and moved to Dallas with him. Truthfully you still do think about it, when you can't sleep or when you sit alone at my desk at work eating lunch.

October

One day your boss called you into his office, with a proposal. He told you they're planning on opening a new location in the south, and that they'd love to have you there working for them. You swore you misheard him because it sounded like he just said it will be in Dallas. You immediately took the offer, willing to take any opportunity you had to get closer to Tyler after three years without him in your life. You pulled out your phone to text Jaime once you returned to your desk.

Y/N: hey uh weird question but do u know if ty is single rn?

J: he's painfully single, he complains about it every chance he gets

Y/N: on a scale from 1-10 how happy do u think he'd be if he found out I'm moving to dallas for work

J: probably a 10 tbh, he misses you more than he'd like to admit

Y/N: I'm planning on surprising him will u help me? make sure he doesn't find out I'm moving!!

J: will do, look forward to seeing ur stupid face again

You also texted Ty, and begin laying the foundation for your surprise.

Y/N: hey ty, i know i said id try to make it to dallas for ur bday but I'm getting really busy at work rn :( my boss says it doesn't look like ill be able to get time off until march. i promise ill come down then, I'm really sorry i won't be there for ur bday

T:Hey! No worries Y/N, I understand. I look forward to seeing you in march :)

January 28th

You arrived in Dallas two weeks ago, and avoiding Ty had been pure agony. You met up with Jaime and a few of the other guys for dinner, getting all the updates on their lives and Tyler's. You found out he has three dogs now, and you must say you're not surprised. Tyler and you were going to adopt a puppy but then he got traded, and you knew it was only a matter of time before he finally got one. You decide to text him to put the finishing touches on your surprise.

Y/N: hey stranger!! I sent u a bday gift, it should hopefully arrive sometime soon :D

T: aw thx, you know you didn't have to get me anything

Y/N: hey, i had to make up for missing ur bday somehow. I hope you like it!

T: ill love anything you picked out for me :)

Y/N: oh shut up XD

You decided his "gift" is going to arrive on the 30th, considering you wanted to be with him on his birthday, plus you didn't know how much longer you could wait to see him. You texted Jaime and tell him to make sure Tyler doesn't have any plans that day, and you went to buy some balloons. You bought some green and white ones for Dallas, and some yellow and black just for good measure. You squished them in my car and drive back to your apartment buzzing with excitement.

January 30th

You woke up an hour before your alarm was set, unable to contain your excitement. It was only 8AM, but you decided to text Tyler to let him know his "gift" would be arriving soon.

Y/N:hey ty, just checked the tracking and it says ur gift should arrive this afternoon

T:ooooh any hints?

Y/N:no!! be paaaaaaatient

T: but that's no fun :(

You smiled as you set your phone down and began to get ready. As 1PM rolled around you could hardly contain your excitement anymore. You still felt a slight bit of anxiety, worrying Tyler won't be as happy to see you as you were hoping he'd be. You heard your phone buzz, and see a text from Jaime.

J: hurry up and go take back your bf, if i have to hear him bitch about being lonely one more time i s2g ill scoop my own brain out w a spoon

Y/N:stop being so dramatic I'm just about to leave

You gathered the balloons and the gift bag containing some snacks from back home in Boston, a card from all his friends, and a nice watch you'd picked out for him. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath as you walked out the door of your apartment.

You soon find yourself in his driveway, and you could barely contain yourself as you got the balloons out. You slowly walked up to the door, unable to believe what you were about to do. You knocked loudly, and heard a dog begin to bark.

You heard a familiar voice shout, "Gerry! Be quiet! It's just the mailman for god's sake," and hear footsteps approaching.

You felt a huge smile form on your face as Tyler opened the door and was greeted with a face all of balloons.

"Surprise!" you yelled, feeling what you assume was Gerry jumping all over you.

".......Y/N? What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't get time off?" Tyler said in disbelief, and you felt two strong arms wrap around your shoulders and squeeze you tight.

"That may have been a lie...." you said sheepishly, handing him the balloons and gift bag. He looked so much different than the scrawny boy that left Boston, now sporting a full beard and tattooed arms. You took a moment to savour being around him again, before he ushered you inside.

"So how are you? I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever?" you asked, sitting down on a large couch in his well decorated family room.

"You literally texted me this morning," he replied, sitting beside you while the other two dogs attempted to climb over him to come say hi.

"Don't be a smartass, you know what I mean. We haven't had a proper conversation since before the season started."

"Things have been great. I love it here, the weather is so much better than Boston. The guys here are awesome, the chemistry we have as a team is amazing. I still miss home though, those guys will always be my family. I miss you too, you know. I tried to replace you but I just couldn't. Hell, I bought three dogs and even that didn't work. You're clearly pretty special Y/N, if even three cute labs can't replace you," said Tyler, with a hint of sadness in his eyes. It hit you then that you had to tell him you weren’t leaving, that you could finally be together again.

"Hey, you gotta open your present, I traveled a long way to deliver it personally," you joked, handing him the gift bag. You watched his eyes light up as he saw the snacks, and a large smile form when he read what his former teammates wrote for him. You told him you can return the watch if he doesn't like it, but he insisted he loves it. You laid on the couch for a bit, and you could tell he wanted to get closer to you but won't.

After a while he asked, "Hey Y/N, how long are you in town for?"

"Well I was gonna wait to give you the last bit of your surprise but since you asked I guess I can tell you. I moved here, Ty. I've been here for two weeks. The company is opening a location here and they wanted me to come work here. Once they told me it was in Dallas I couldn't resist."

You watched a look of realization develop on his face, and the next thing you knew his lips were against yours. They were just as soft as you remembered them, and he still tasted like peppermint. Without saying a word you felt him pick you up.

"Tyler what are you doing?!" I shriek as he begins walking somewhere.

"Making up for the three years I spent without you," he explains as he carried you down the hall towards his bedroom.

#tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #nhl #dallas stars #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey oneshot #hockey writing #hockey imagines

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gh03st-writer · 6 years ago

Text

Unforgettable

Summary: Reader comes back to Asgard after a century to attend a banquet at the royal palace. Her past with the Princes haunts her and calls her back to try and right the wrongs she committed. Reader was in a secret relationship with Thor but when the God of Thunder starts to turn his affection on Lady Sif, reader turns her attention to Loki and ends up more tangled up with the Princes than she planned on ever being.

Pairing: Loki x Female!Reader

Word count: 7974

Warnings: Implied smut (more like referenced tbh), a little bit of angst

A/N: This can be read as a standalone fic or as a part 2 to “He Can’t Be Replaced”. I didn’t plan on writing any more for this, but you guys inspired me (I got a little carried away >.>) so here it goes, let the drama begin!

Also, your last name will be Valgardsdottir because your father’s name is Valgard.

I inserted a read more link because this got so much longer than I planned on it being and there will be a copy of it on AO3 if that is easier for anyone if tumblr is being weird

*There is a traditional bread made during Ostara and there is a reference where someone breaks the eggs needed for the bread one year

It had been nearly a century since you had last seen Asgard and walked the gilded halls of the palace; a distant memory that felt like a dream the more you thought about. You could still recall the day you left for Alfheim as if it was just moments ago; you left with very little notice, not wanting to make a scene. The sooner you left, the sooner you could forget, and that was all you wanted. You wanted to forget about all the mistakes you made that led you to leave Asgard, all the pain you had caused without a thought for anyone else but yourself.

Your time at school in Alfheim taught you to be a world class diplomat, even earning a place among the school staff. After your graduation, the school offered you a position as a Professor of Diplomatic Affairs and you gladly accepted; one more reason not to return to Asgard.

A few more years passed, and you wondered if anyone even bothered to remember you back home, your family sent you a few letters asking if you had any plans to return but that was all you had heard from anyone in Asgard. You felt a twinge of loneliness as you were handed another letter from your parents, it was hard to learn that your memory might have been nothing more than a passing thought in the minds of those you considered your friends, but it was something you had come to terms with many years before. You moved to open the letter from your parents when the courier stopped you, handing you another, “One more, Professor Valgardsdottir.”

You hesitantly took the letter, the paper was much finer than your family would have used, “Thank you.”

You ran your fingers over your name in gold lettering as you flipped it over in your hands, a part of you knew where this letter was from and another part of you wanted to keep wondering. You placed the letter beside you, trying to ignore it while you read the one from your family, partially hoping the strange letter would go away.

It did not.

It was hard to focus on the letter your family sent with the other letter siting no more than a foot away. You could barely make it through half the page before you grew frustrated and decided to open the strange letter. Placing your family’s letter down, you picked up the foreign letter and carefully opened it, greeted by an invitation to the royal palace of Asgard. The invitation was nothing short of what you would expect from the royals of Asgard: gold writing, paper finer than the sheets you slept on, and a filigree border that could put most gardens to shame. You ran your fingers over the letters, admiring the work put into making such an invitation as you began to read its contents:

To Lady Y/N Valgardsdottir,

You are hereby invited to the Banquet of Ostara at the royal palace of Asgard as an honored guest and daughter of Valgard, trusted advisor to Odin.

“What in the nine realms,” you whispered to yourself as a second letter fell out from the envelope as you lifted it to place the invitation back inside. Picking the second letter up, you noticed the hand writing right away, it belonged to none other than Loki Odinson. You hesitated to read the letter, you hadn’t heard from Loki or heard anything about the Prince since you left Asgard.

Anger.

Confusion.

Anger.

From one emotion to the other, your mind and heart did summersaults as you tried to understand why you would hear from the God of Mischief after a century of silence. A million thoughts ran through your mind as you tried to reason with yourself about reading the letter, whether it would be a heartfelt confession or an anger laced admission, you weren’t sure.

You decided to go back to reading the letter from your family instead, placing the one from Loki to the side, hoping to take your mind away from the confusion and surprise of hearing from the Prince. The letter was nothing special, the usual gossip of the week along with the wellbeing of everyone. Since your father earned his position as Odin’s advisor last year, your mother sent you a letter every week to discuss the gossip among the noble diplomats and it quickly became repetitive. It offered little in the way of distracting you from the other mail you received today, you wished that your family had more to write you, but it was hard to find something new to write about when they insisted on sending you a letter every week.

Your eyes continued to stray to Loki’s letter and you finally gave in, deciding that if the letter was truly terrible you could always burn it and pretend you never received it. The letter was light, his message short and to the point:

Lady Y/N,

I am uncertain if you will read this letter, I understand that it has been a century since you left Asgard with little notice and we have not spoken since the night I asked for your hand in courtship. I was unsure if I should even include this letter when I learned that your name had been included among the names of those invited to The Banquet of Ostara, but I suppose a letter that has taken a century to write is a letter worth sending.

Perhaps I should have begun with pleasantries rather than uncertainty, but none the less, I do hope this letter finds you in good health. Your presence has been greatly missed here, I hope to see you at The Banquet.

It was neither a heartfelt confession nor an anger laced admission; it was a letter from one old friend to another and it made you miss him more than you would like to admit. Time only turned the pain of memory into background noise that soon became the only thing you could hear as you read Loki’s letter. You missed both the Princes if you were being honest with yourself, but you missed Loki much more than his older brother. Your relationship with Thor was different from your relationship with Loki. Thor was your first everything, someone you can never replace; but Loki is the one you can never forget. It was your late-night conversations with Loki that you missed the most, not the comfort of Thor’s bed. You wondered if your relationship with Loki was something that could be salvaged or something you could start over, his letter gave you a strange sense of hope that maybe he still cared for you. A hope that you were not familiar with, you rejected Loki for his brother the last time you saw him so why hope the younger Prince cared for you, the thought left a heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

A week passed, and you ultimately decided to make an appearance at the banquet of Ostara, deciding that it would be nice to see your family (and Loki). You wrote your family, telling them about your impending arrival and attendance at the banquet, you debated to write Loki as well wondering if he would welcome your reply. In the end, you decided it best to reply to Loki with a letter much like the one he sent you:

Loki,

Your letter was unexpected but not unwelcome, for a brief moment in time I wondered if you had forgotten about me and I am glad to see that is not the case. There is a century worth of conversations we have missed, I hope we can have at least one when I return.

There is something I need to tell you, but it is not something I can send in a letter, it is something that must be spoken. Something I should have told you before I left Asgard, that I was too young to understand.

I hope that our friendship has not been broken beyond repair, but I understand that may be too much to ask.

I look forward to seeing you at The Banquet.

You left for Asgard at the end of the month, your mind filled with all the possible outcomes of your trip. The trip was far from relaxing as your mind jumped from conclusion to conclusion, knowing full well that Loki will have gotten your letter long before you made it to Asgard, you wondered what kind of welcome awaited you.

When you arrived, your mother, father, and younger sister welcomed you with open arms. The four of you talked about what you missed over the past century as well as what was in the many letters your mother sent you. Your sister quickly ushered you into your old room as the four of you reached your family’s home. You laughed as you set your bags down, “What has got you in such a fuss, did you break the eggs* again this year?”

Your sister huffed, “That was one time!”

“Sure,” you chuckled as your sister playfully swatted your arm.

She put her hands on her hips triumphantly, “I know why you’re here.”

You rolled your eyes, “I was invited to the Banquet of Ostara because of father’s new position as one of Odin’s advisors, it doesn’t take a master strategist to figure it out, little fox.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes, “That’s just what they want you to think, and stop calling me little fox, I’m not a child anymore.”

“Protest all you want, but you will always be a child to me baby sister,” you smiled, “So tell me, Asa, what is the real reason I was dragged all the way back to Asgard?”

Asa smirked, “A suitor.”

You stared at her, any semblance of a smile gone from your features, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me correctly, a S-U-I-T-O-R,” Asa replied. It took you a moment to process what Asa was saying, but as soon you realized the weight of her words you immediately stormed out of the room in search of your parents.

“Mother, father, I just heard the most interesting thing from Asa,” you called out.

Your mother peeked her head out from the next room, “Y/N, what are you talking about?”

You walked into the room to find both your mother and father sitting by the fireplace, “Why was I dragged all the way back here?”

Your mother knit her brows, “You weren’t dragged anywhere, you were invited to-“

“Yes, I was invited to the Banquet of Ostara, I know,” you interrupted her, “But Asa seems to think otherwise, so correct me if I’m wrong, but are you planning to hand me off to a stranger tomorrow night?”

“We’re not ‘handing you off’ to anyone, we found a suitor for you to marry,” your mother replied as if it were nothing.

“Why,” you nearly shouted in reply to your mother’s indifference.

Your father stepped in, “Watch your tone, our family has done this for generations, and you will be no exception.”

Your mother placed a calming hand on your father’s arm, “She has every right to ask why,” she looked at you with kind eyes, “For generations our family have been in marriages that were arranged by their parents, I’ve always told both you and your sister that your father and I would make sure you would always be happy and safe.”

“I didn’t think you meant that you would marry me off to some random lord with a wallet the size of his ego,” you replied as a sigh escaped your lips, “May I, at the very least, know who you will be showing me off to at The Banquet?”

Your parents shared a look, your father being the one to tell you the name of your betrothed, “Fandral.”

You tried hard not to laugh, really hard, but a giggle managed to weasel itself out of your mouth, your parents were not nearly as amused as you were. The look on their faces mirrored each other as your father addressed your amusement, “What is so funny that you can barely contain yourself?”

You weren’t sure where to start, “I’m not sure how I should say this, but Fandral has quite the reputation among women, both on and off Asgard.”

Asa had been listening in on the entire conversation, never able to resist family drama, and made her presence known only by the sound of her laughter, “Mother, father, you must be joking, Fandral of all people!”

You echoed your sister’s sentiment as the both of you started to erupt in a fit of laughter. Your parents weren’t nearly as amused as the two of you were and simply frowned at each of you with disappointment written all over their faces. They echoed each other in agreement as your mother began reprimanding the two of you, “Girls, despite the rumors, I’m certain you both will be absolutely delightful at the banquet, and not incapacitated by laughter by this time tomorrow.”

The two of you did your best to nod between your laughter as you reassured your mother, “Yes, absolutely delightful, we wouldn’t dare disrupt The Banquet with our obnoxious laughter.”

Your mother gave you look that told you to watch what you said as she dismissed the two of you, “You should go rest, tomorrow will be a long day.”

The two of you left with more laughter than silence escaping from your lips. Asa nearly tripped over her own feet as she rushed to shut the bedroom door behind her, “So, what’s the plan?”

You looked at her with confusion written everywhere but on paper, “What are you talking about?”

She huffed and folded her arms in front of her, “C’mon, Y/N, I’ve known you since the day I was born, you can’t tell me you don’t have something bouncing around in that brain of yours that will get you out of this mess.”

You thought about what your sister said, she was right, in your younger days you would have caused a storm of trouble that would embarrass your parents enough that they would think twice before trying to hand you off to someone again. Asa had the same twinkle in her eyes that you used to have, but time has dulled that mischievous spark in your eyes and certain consequences remind you what too much mischief will bring, “Little fox, the days of causing mischief to get out of obligations are over, I have learned that there are some things that you cannot change.”

She sighed, worry creeping into her voice, “What happened to you on Alfheim, before you would have caused such a storm that no one would want to marry you without your verbal permission.”

Asa watched your thought process as memories of your life before Alfheim played through your mind. She took hold of your hand as she realized why you have changed, “Not everything was your fault, Y/N, you can’t carry the burden of others on your shoulders,” her arms surrounded you in a warm embrace as she let go of your hand, “You are no Atlas.”

Your sister was the only one who knew about your past with the Princes and why you left Asgard for Alfheim. You accepted her embrace happily, thankful that there was at least one person you could talk to without judgment and seek some form of comfort, “You’re right, but I certainly could have taken more care with my actions.”

She sighed as the two of you parted, “No one, except Heimdall, can see the future.”

You laughed, “Then he should have at least given me a warning of some sort.”

“Oh, I would pay to see that conversation,” she laughed with you, “Heimdall stops you while you’re slinking through the palace one night to warn you about the consequences of your actions.”

You shook your head, “I’m certain I would have died from embarrassment alone if that happened.”

“I thought so,” she agreed.

Asa began to leave the room and head to her own room for the night as you started to move your bags about the room from where they had been conveniently placed while you were walking in the door when a letter fell out of one of your bags. She picked it up to hand it to you when she noticed the quality of the paper, “Who sent you this?”

You took the letter from her quicker than you would admit to, “No one important, it came with my invitation.”

She raised her eyebrows and stared at you in disbelief, “Wow, I didn’t know a Professor of Diplomatic Affairs could be such a terrible liar, do you teach the students that truth and honesty can conquer anything, is there a separate class for learning how to manipulate the truth?”

You mocked offense, “I’ll have you know, I teach my students to be the best damn debaters and negotiators in the nine realms.”

“Then what the hell was that sorry excuse for a lie you just told me,” she knew you better than anyone, the only person in all the nine realms that you could never lie to.

You took a deep breath before answering her, “Loki sent a letter with my invitation.”

Asa’s eyes nearly fell out of her head as she processed what you told her, she scrambled to get the letter back from you, “By Odin’s beard, you have to let me see that letter.”

You threw it in the top of your shirt in an attempt to keep it from her grasp, “Have I ever told you the story of how mother dropped you on your head as a babe, because you must be crazy if you think I’m going to let you read that letter.”

She placed her hands firmly on her hips and rolled her eyes, “That story must be about you because we both know you sticking it down your shirt won’t stop me.”

“You wouldn’t,” you gasped.

Her eyes narrowed, “You either tell me what’s in the letter or I go bodice diving.”

You sighed and raised your hands in surrender, “Alright, I’ll tell you what’s in the letter.”

She placed herself happily in the center of your bed, her smile smug and her eyes expectant. You pushed her over, making room for yourself, “I said I would tell you about the letter, not give you my bed.”

She laughed, “The sooner you tell me, the sooner I’ll give your bed back.”

You sighed, “It isn’t anything scandalous, he simply stated that my presence has been missed and he hopes to see me at The Banquet.”

Asa looked at you like you had just grown three heads, “There is nothing simple about what you just said to me.”

“Nonsense,” you laughed, “Besides, I don’t want to overthink anything and make assumptions.”

“Sis, I don’t know how to tell you this, but being a professor has turned you into the dumbest woman in all of the nine realms,” Asa stated.

You punched her arm, “I’ve done nothing but care for you and support you since the day you were born, and this is how you speak to me.”

She laughed, “You better hope my arm doesn’t bruise, I’m just telling you the truth.”

“I don’t want to get my hopes up, Asa, I just want to be able to try and clear the air a little bit,” you told her.

Asa rolled her eyes, “Yeah, okay,” she replied as she started to get under the covers of your blanket.

You started to pull the blanket out from her grasp, “What are you doing, aren’t you a little old to be sleeping in my bed with me?”

Asa took the blanket back from you, “Not tonight, big sis, we are having a sleepover and getting you mentally, emotionally, and fashionably ready for tomorrow.”

You laughed, “Fine, although is it really a sleepover if we live in the same house?”

She hit you with one of the pillows behind her, “It’s a sleepover if I say it’s a sleepover.”

“Whatever you say,” you agreed with her for the sake of not wanting to argue about nuances as you settled into bed, “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try and get some sleep, enjoy your sleepover by yourself.”

Asa ripped the covers off of you, “Absolutely not, no one in this room will be sleeping until tomorrow has a plan so fool proof that your title will be changed from Professor of Diplomatic Affairs to Professor of Strategy and Execution.”

This bickering went on for another twenty minutes until you gave in to your sister and let her plan out your entire evening tomorrow and rummage through the dresses you had brought with you from Alfheim.

She looked at all two of the dresses you had brought with you to wear and shook her head, “Seriously, you brought two of the plainest pieces of fabric I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s not like I exactly went shopping before I left Alfheim,” you replied, “I do have other responsibilities than impressing every noble on Asgard.”

Asa quickly left the room, still shaking her head, and returned with a dress that was much dressier than what you brought, “Try this on, I got it last year as a gift, but it never quite fit me right.”

You sighed and took the dress from her, indulging her, “After this, I’m going to sleep, and we can finish in the morning.”

She barely heard you as she rushed you behind a wall divider, “Fine, just hurry up.”

You tried on the dress and weren’t sure if it was because of how tired you were, but it looked like it was made for you. It hugged every curve of your body like a glove, the gold and green tones brought out the color in your eyes and made it look like you were almost glowing. You stepped out from behind the divider to show Asa, “What do you think?”

Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor, “I think you have a tailor hiding back there, that dress looks amazing on you and if Loki doesn’t notice you the minute you walk in the room then he must be blind because I know everyone else will.”

You felt slightly anxious at the thought of having the eyes of everyone on you, “Asa, are you sure this is necessary, the dresses I brought are nice enough, I don’t need to show off to every noble in the room.”

She slapped your arm playfully, “You must be joking, this dress is absolutely necessary and the only thing anyone will be talking about for the next century.”

“I was hoping to be old news by now,” you replied jokingly.

She motioned for you to change back into your clothes, “You were, but talk about a comeback.”

You laughed, “Thanks, Asa, I was really shooting for the return of a century when I came back to Asgard.”

Her voice sounded as smug as she looked, “You’re welcome.”

The two of you chatted for the rest of the night as you started to fall asleep, Asa did spend the night in your room, The Banquet being the only thing she wanted to talk about. Telling her about the letter Loki sent you were either going to be the best or worst thing that had happened to you since you came back to Asgard.

The morning came quickly, and The Banquet came even quicker, time seemed to stop and speed up all at once as your family arrived at the royal palace. Asa helped you get ready and argued with you about which shoes to wear for at least an hour before your mother had to interject and ended up choosing the pair you wore.

Asa was right when she said that your dress would be the talk of the century, more than one noble admired you as you stood by one of the many banquet tables that lined the room. It made you second guess coming back to Asgard at all, but none the less, you were determined to speak with the dark-haired prince before the night’s end.

You were nervous to say the least as your mother took your arm and guided you to a nearby table with more nobles standing around it than you cared to count, “Darling, I know it can be nerve-wracking to meet the person you are told you will spend the rest of your life with, but trust me when I tell you, it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“I’m sure you’re right, I guess I have the pre-engagement nerves,” you laughed, hoping she would take that excuse and not probe you for more information.

She patted your hand that was rest on her arm, “It’s alright, we all get them.”

She believed your excuse and you sighed in relief, how were you going to tell her that the one person you were most nervous about the meeting was not the one you were promised to marry.

The exact person she was walking you over too.

When you realized where she was leading you to, you held your breath for a moment, taking a mental tally of everyone present at the table. There stood the Warriors Three, your father, your sister, and a few other nobles you couldn’t remember the names of. You weren’t sure if it was disappointment or relief that you felt when you saw that neither Prince, but you finally started to breathe regularly again as you reached the table. Your father and the Warriors Three were stuck in a match of who could tell the best battle story and your father was losing, badly. Your mother cleared her throat to announce your arrival but the laughter at the table easily swallowed her attempt at a gentle announcement. She started to laugh with the group softly and touched your father’s arm, “Dear, I’m sure that these men have more stories about triumph in battle than we have time to tell them.”

Your father looked in the direction of your mother and cleared his throat, noticing both of your arrivals, “Of course, I just get so caught up in all the tales of glory that I miss my old warrior days, being the King’s advisor is prestigious but it doesn’t quite measure up to the feeling of being on an open battlefield with your brothers behind you and your enemy staring you down.”

You chimed in, knowing that your father could easily get carried away with the subject, “Yes, but sitting at the table of advisors across from the other advisors can feel like a battlefield, I find.”

Your father scoffed, “Says the Professor of Diplomatic Affairs.”

Your mother cleared her throat once again, much louder this time, and your father took the hint, “Yes, well we didn’t come here to discuss old war stories, gentlemen, you already know my wife, I would like to introduce you to my daughter Y/N,” he motioned towards you, “She just returned back from Alfheim where she is an esteemed Professor of Diplomatic Affairs.”

You curtsied, “It is a pleasure to meet the Warriors Three after all the stories I’ve heard.”

They paused a moment, and you hoped they did not recognize you, the last thing you needed was your parents finding of your past at a formal banquet from three of the closest people to the crown prince. There was a pleading look in your eyes that they seemed to have caught as each introduced themselves to you, Volstagg and Hogun introduced themselves first, a twinkle of recognition played in their eyes and you were thankful they did not voice it. Fandral took your hand and brought it to his lips, “A pleasure to meet you Lady Y/N, I am Fandral, hopefully, your parents have told you about our engagement.”

You smiled, laughing lightly, “They have, although a surprise, better to find out before than at a public event and risk embarrassment.”

Your mother started to reprimand you as Fandral laughed, “That it is, I am sure we will get along wonderfully.”

Your mother shot you a look that said this was not over, you shot her a look in return that suggested it had only just begun. Fandral offered his arm to you, “I hope your parents do not mind, but I want to get to know more about you without curious ears listening.”

You hesitantly took his arm, “I’m certain my parents would be more than happy to see you walk away with me, although I’m not sure your fellow Warriors feel the same.”

Volstagg and Hogun laughed at your remark as the two of you started to walk away from the table. Fandral leaned slightly closer to you, “In that dress, there are very few men that would be happy to see you walk away with me.”

“Then I have succeeded in making the entire Banquet either jealous or envious,” you replied.

He laughed as the two of you walked to the outskirts of the room, near the gardens, “That you have, although it pains me to know that I am not the one you put that dress on for.”

You smiled and took a glass from one of the nearby tables, “What gave me away?”

“It took a moment, but I remember you,” he replied, “And green isn’t exactly my color, I prefer purple.”

You laughed, “So you walked me all the way over here for what, to confirm that I am the woman you thought I was and that my feelings for one, if not both of the Princes, are still very real.”

He looked off into the garden, “No, I already knew who you were, and I know about the letter that was sent in your invitation.”

You nearly spit out your drink, “What letter?”

He smiled smugly, “Don’t act like Loki didn’t send you a letter with your invitation, I saw him sneak it into the envelope, all I had to do was get you over here.”

“What are you talking about,” you questioned.

He motioned for you to head into the garden, “For a Professor, you can be awfully dense, Lady Y/N.”

You knit your brow and started to head into the garden, “Lord Fandral, I swear on Odin’s beard that if this is some sort of weird trick you’re playing at-”

“Tricks are what I’m known for,” the voice that interrupted you took your breath away. Loki Odinson, God of Mischief, was sitting near the center of the garden. The look on your face must have given away your surprise, the god chuckled, “At a loss for words, I see.”

You weren’t sure if you were this was all an elaborate dream or not, but you didn’t care, “You could put it that way, I thought I would catch a glimpse of you at The Banquet, but it seems you found a way to sneak off to somewhere away from the crowd,” a small smile played at your lips, “Like always.”

The words coming out of your mouth weren’t the ones your brain told it say. You brain wanted to ask him a million questions, but your mouth had other ideas, “I remember this garden, its where I used to find you when no one else could.”

Loki sighed and examined one of the many flowers that were in bloom, “Y/N, I got your letter, what did you need to tell me?”

You took in a deep breath, not sure if you were ready to tell him everything that needed to be said. You started to look at the various flowers that lined the seating area of the garden, “We’ve missed a century worth of conversations, of all the conversations to have with you first, I don’t know why I didn’t imagine that this is the one we would be having.”

Loki watched you, confused, “Y/N-“

“Why aren’t you angry with me,” you interrupted him as tears threatened to make themselves known, “Why did you let them invite me here, is this some elaborate trick to embarrass me once and for all, are these the consequences of my actions that I have dreaded for so long?”

Those certainly weren’t the words your brain told you to say or the words your mouth wanted to say.

Your heart was the one pulling the strings, it had taken full control of your decisions from here on out, your brain and mouth were just along for the show.

The tears that had threatened to come out were starting to trickle down your face, Loki stood from his seat and reached for you, but you rejected his offer of comfort, “I’m sorry, I thought I could handle this, I thought time had eased the pain but it only dulled it.”

Loki’s looked at you with worry written across his face, “Y/N, please sit down and take a breath,” he motioned for you to sit on a nearby bench, “This is no trick, I only wanted to speak with you away from prying eyes and ears.”

You wiped the tears from your eyes, “You should be angrier, I led you on and then rejected you for your brother after I told myself I wouldn’t fall for either of you.”

Loki moved towards you but stopped what he realized what you, “Did you just say, ‘either of you’, as in both of us?”

You nodded your head, “Yes, that’s what ‘either of you means’, I didn’t mean to have feelings for Thor or you but now I’m stuck with these feelings that I wasn’t able to make sense of before and I can barely make sense of now and I know that this is a lot to drop on you all of a sudden but I had this whole conversation between us planned out in my head and now it’s all gone to pieces and I just-“

“Y/N, breath,” Loki had taken hold of your shoulders as you started to ramble with no end in sight, “I’ve been waiting a century to speak with you again, a conversation that has waited a century to have can wait a little longer.”

You laughed as you remembered the letter he sent you, “Just like the letter that took a century to write.”

He laughed with you, “Yes, and I’m glad I finally did, I had a thousand versions of that letter drafted, some angrier than others, but after rewriting it for the thousandth time, I decided that I missed you more than I was angry with you.”

You listened to him, not fully believing the words coming from his mouth. These were words you never imagined he would say to you. Both of you stared at each other for a moment before realizing he still had you by the shoulders. The two of you parted with a slight air or embarrassment as you began to laugh. Loki looked at you like you had finally lost your mind, “Y/N, I don’t understand what is so funny.”

You continued to laugh, “It’s funny in an ironic way, I was supposed to the one with the heartfelt confession, not you,” your laughter began to quiet itself as you started taking deep breaths, “I had a plan, Loki, I was going to tell you everything I was too young to realize when you asked for my hand in courtship and then I was going to listen to you yell at me for leading you on and thinking I could just come back and everything would be okay.”

Loki ran a hand through his hair, he wanted nothing more than to embrace and comfort you, but he didn’t want to drive you away, “You keep saying you lead me on, stop saying that, you didn’t lead me anywhere, if anything you lead me to believe we were friends.”

This was the only time, during the entire conversation, that Loki had come close to yelling or being angry. You were shocked at his words, “What are you saying, that I had nothing to do with giving you the idea that you should court me?”

Loki sighed, frustration starting to get the better of him, “I told you on that night, and I’ll tell you again as many times as you want, but my decision to ask for your hand in courtship was all of my own doing, if anything, it was my own delusions and fantasies that gave me the idea, not you.”

You listened to him, considering everything he was saying, your heart deciding that now was the perfect time to jump the gun and open your mouth before consulting the rational part of your brain, “I should have said yes.”

The world around both of you stood still as he listened to your words, “What?”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, “I should have said yes, all those years ago, I should have said yes,” you finally took a seat on the bench and stared at a nearby flower, “Loki, it was hard for me to admit that my feelings for you had grown into more than just friendship because I was so infatuated with Thor, but after I left Asgard I couldn’t forget you.”

It was Loki’s turn to stan in disbelief at the words you were saying, you refused to look at him as you continued to speak, “Thor was my first everything, first love, first time, first kiss, and no one will be able to replace him,” you finally turned your attention to Loki and noticed the look in his eyes of disbelief and even a spot of hope, “But I can’t forget you.”

Loki stared at you for a moment, taking in everything that you were saying, all the words pouring from your mouth that he had dreamed of hearing you say in one way or another. You watched him, unsure what his silence meant, “Loki, say something because now I’ve laid my heart out in front of you and I just want to know if you’re listening or if this is all some elaborate dream that my brain has cooked up.”

“What does that mean,” Loki replied.

You ran your hands down your face, “It means, I guess it means,” a long sigh escaped your mouth as you tried to explain yourself, “It means that Thor might have been my first, but I want you to be my last.”

Loki stood there a moment, unsure if was hearing you correctly. You rose from the bench and hesitantly placed a comforting hand on his arm, “Loki-”

The next thing you knew, Loki’s lips were on yours as his hands held your face. Instinctively, you wrapped your arms around his neck. The kiss seemed to go on forever before the two of you parted, out of breath. You smiled and looked up at him as he rested his forehead against your own, a smile playing on his lips as well, “I’ve waited a century to kiss you.”

You giggled, “A century is a long time to wait, I hope you don’t wait a century for our first night together, I’m not sure I can take a century of teasing.”

His eyes darkened, “Well, darling, in that dress you might not make it through the night.”

“Loki Odinson, I’ll have you know that I am a decent woman and do not let any man into my bed on the first night,” you playfully reprimanded him.

His smile widened wickedly, “That’s alright, my bed is big enough for two.”

You gasped and laughed, untwining yourself from the mischievous god, “Before we end in either bed, we need to take care of my very recent and very unexpected engagement to Fandral.”

Loki took your arm and linked it with his, “I’m already way ahead of you, in fact, Fandral lost a bet to me and owes me a favor.”

You looked at Loki with an eyebrow raised, “What kind of favor?”

Mischief played in his eyes as he led you back into the banquet hall, “The kind that will solve your engagement problem.”

Your jaw nearly touched the floor as you took in the scene before you: Fandral dramatically kissing your sister in front of the entire banquet hall.

Loki chuckled as you rushed over to your parents who stood just as shocked as you were, “What is going on?!”

Your mother looked as mad as you should have been if you actually cared about your engagement with Fandral, “Y/N, don’t worry, your father is going to take care of this,” she looked pointedly at your father, “Right, dear?”

Your father nodded and walked over to the kissing pair, “Show’s over,” he pulled your sister from Fandral’s reach, “So is your engagement to my daughter!”

You tried to reach your father before things got out of hand, “Father, there’s something I have to tell you and mother…”

Fandral barely looked phased by your father as he called out to what appeared to be no one, “Alright Loki, you heard the man, the show’s over.”

You father looked more confused than you had been all night as Loki made his appearance known to the banquet hall, “Thank you, Fandral, although that might have been a little too dramatic, even for me.”

Fandral winked at your sister as he left to talk with the rest of the Warriors Three, “It was my pleasure.”

Your father suddenly straightened himself at the appearance of the young prince, jostling your sister that was just managing to get away from him. You held your head in your hand as Loki came to stand behind you, “You could have just told him to verbally break the engagement, ya know?”

“Where is the fun in that,” Loki replied, obviously pleased with himself about the mischief he was able to cause.

Your mother stared at the two of you, “Is there something you want to tell us, Y/N?”

You turned your attention to her, guilt written in your features, “Mother, there is so much I’ve been wanting to tell you, but let’s start with right now and then I promise to tell you everything.”

Asa rushed herself to your side, excitement bouncing off of her, “I told you the dress would work!”

Loki snaked a hand around your waist, “Yes, the dress certainly helped.”

Your father chimed in before your sister could say any more, “Apologies, your highness, but I have to ask what the meaning of all this is.”

Loki moved to offer your father his hand, “I understand you are one of my father’s advisor, allow me to formally ask for your daughter’s hand in courtship.”

Your father had very few words after that, he accepted Loki’s hand, “Well, I can’t imagine saying anything less than of course.”

You laughed at your father’s words, “I’m so glad that the two of you have found common ground and are able to get along.”

Loki’s hand found its way back around your waist as your father found his place next to your mother as she addressed you, “Y/N, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you were able to find someone you actually like to be your suitor, but I am rather displeased with how it was brought to our attention.”

You look at your mother apologetically, “Mother, I’m sorry but trust me when I tell you that it will all make so much more sense when I tell you everything.”

The rest of The Banquet went off without a hitch, your parents were mingling with nobles from every family. Thor and Lady Sif made their appearance with Freya and Odin soon to follow. You nudged Loki curiously, “Why were you the only Odinson here this whole time?”

“I had someone special to meet,” he replied.

You rolled your eyes playfully as the banquet hall welcomed the royal family. The night went smoothly, even when you met with Thor again. It was awkward at first, but if the century away from Asgard did anything, it had certainly eased the pain and feelings you had related to the crown prince, much to Loki’s satisfaction.

You spent the rest of your time split between the company of the young prince and the company of your family. Your time back on Asgard felt like it got away from you before you were needed back on Alfheim to finish teaching future nobles how to be diplomatic with others. Loki was more than reluctant to see you go, “Do you really need to go?”

You smiled, “Yes, I have responsibilities and students that are expecting me, I’ll be back after the school year is over.”

Loki frowned, “You make it sound like it’s a weekend away and not at least another four months.”

You started to double check that you had all the bag you came with, “We could always, I don’t know, write each other letters.”

Loki wrapped his arms around you, “Hmm, maybe, or you could just not go.”

You turned around to face him, “You make a compelling case, but I have to see the rest of the school year through, I owe it to my students.”

Loki sighed, “Fine, at least promise me you won’t get engaged to anyone while we’re apart.”

You laughed, “As if I was the one who proposed to Fandral and cried about it later.”

“That’s how I remember it,” Loki teased you.

Your trip back to Alfheim was as bittersweet as you expected, but for a completely different reason.

Months passed and Loki did write you letters, and you wrote him back. The courier noticed your increase in letters and who they were from, offering you nothing more than a knowing look at each weekly delivery. You were convinced that the courier read the letters before they were handed off to you, but you never had any proof.

At the end of the school year, you handed in your resignation, much to the disappointment of the students, and happily packed your things to head back to Asgard.

Your welcome back to Asgard was much more festive than your first. Your family, Loki, and an entourage of people you don’t quite remember but look familiar were waiting for you on the other side of the Bifrost. You were surprised by the large group of people welcoming you, Loki was the first to step forward, “Welcome home, love.”

The two of you embraced and it was like that night at The Banquet all over again, you missed him during those months back at the school and the letters only made you miss him more. You parted from Loki to greet your family and wave to the large entourage of people. You looked at Loki and pointed to the group of people you didn’t exactly recognize, “Who are all these people?”

Loki smiled, “They’re here for the big announcement.”

“What announcement,” you asked.

Loki pulled you in close and dug a ring out of his pocket, “Y/N Valgardsdottir, will you marry me?”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or cry, maybe a little bit of both, “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

He kissed you and slipped the ring on your hand, “I knew you’d say that.”

“So why the fanfare,” you asked.

He chuckled, “It was this or a parade organized by none other than my brother.”

You nodded, “I’ll take the fanfare.”

The two of you laughed as your family congratulated you and the large entourage of people behind them cheered. The years to come were a mystery to you but you knew that the only thing left for you to regret is not saying “yes” sooner.

Tags: @fire-in-her-veinz

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki x female reader #loki (marvel)#Loki Laufeyson #loki #thor odinson #thor x reader #marvel fic #loki fic

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naturallytom · 6 years ago

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Mind Games (Ex-best friend!Tom x reader haunted house au): part 4

A/N: second to last part!! I can’t believe it tbh I feel like I started this yesterday!! please leave me some asks/comments bc the ending comes out on Halloween and I'm excited for you guys to read it!!

Warnings: angst, mentions of death (kind of?), a bit of violence at the end

Tags: @lover-of-books-and-teas @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell @zendayacolemen @fandoms-stuff @pignolithecookie @savethebabyseals @its-livelovelife @spideysimpossiblegirl @caitlyn-blackwell @hollandroos @spiderboytotherescue @bisexualparkers @vloggerparker @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown @tony-starks-ego @chocolateandstorms @fuckyou-imspiderman @differentproselyricscash @thetryvlogs @spiderboytotherescue @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown @hollandroos

*strikethrough means tumblr won’t let me tag you :((*

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Tom made sure you were breathing after you collapsed before he too fell asleep. He woke up to a piercing scream coming from you. You were sat up, hysterical, pointing at something in front of you.

“Hey, hey, love, you alright?” Tom soothed. You said nothing, just continued pointing shakily ahead of you. “D-Do you see that too?” You whispered, your voice shaking. “No, love, I don’t, what is it? What’s wrong?” Tom asked, rubbing your back gently. “T-There’s something there. I-I don’t k-know what it is.” You whimpered. “Can you describe it for me?” Tom inquired gently. “It-It’s not human. It’s dead. It’s crawling towards us slowly.” You whispered, curling into yourself and trying to move backwards. “Darling, it’s okay, there’s nothing-” he was cut off by another blood curdling scream from you, who was thrashing around, before you suddenly stopped, your head snapping towards Tom. “Tom, something is happening. Right now. A-And it’s happening to me. It’s something bad, Tom. Something bad is happening to me.” “W-What do you mean?” He spit out, fear taking over his own body. “Don’t you see it, Tom? This is what they do! They get inside your head, they play games. We’ve both seen things, don’t even try to deny it. We have no concept of time, hell I don’t even know if we have food or water anymore. We don’t know what’s real or not.” You cried. “That doesn’t explain why they’re doing this to you!” He snapped. “I was scared, Tom. They feed off of my fear. They’ve had this planned since the beginning.” You whimpered, your voice wavering.

Before Tom could respond, he was cut off by the creaking of the floorboards followed by a dull thumping “Do you hear that?” Tom whispered, pulling you closer. “Uh-uh. I’ve seen that man before.” You gulped. “You have?” Tom squeaked. You didn’t respond, only shutting your eyes, prompting Tom to do the same as you held onto each other as the man passed. “Okay. You’re good to open your eyes.” You mumbled, pulling away from him slightly. “So who was that?” Tom asked, focusing on you. “I dunno. He’s just, smiling. All the time. But not a friendly grin. One that’s more...sinister.” You explained softly, making Tom nod. “Hey, um, I know this isn’t uh, the best time, but I was wondering if we could talk?” Tom mumbled, his hand going to the back of his neck. “Nothing to talk about.” You responded, your gaze following the long hallway on your right. “But there is! I know I don’t have excuses for why I stopped talking to you, but fuck, I miss you!” He said, following you as you scoffed and began walking away.

“I missed you too, Tom! Don’t you remember? I’d call you and try to talk to you at school but you’d just ignore me! I’m done, so fucking done with you and your bullshit!” You cried, making Tom flinch.

“Y/N-please, just hear me out.” He pleaded. “No. It’s not like you’ve supportive so far since we’ve been in this hell house!” you snapped.

“Oh for fucks’ sake, Y/N, can’t you just listen? Is that so difficult?” Tom finally snapped, his voice raising. “You didn’t listen to me, why should I listen to you?” You yelled, both of you standing across from each other.

“Because I love you, Y/N! I fucking love you!” Tom finally yelled out, making you freeze. “No. No no no no. That’s not fair.” You muttered, running your hands through your hair. “What?” Tom asked, his breathing slightly heavy. “I loved you too, yanno. ‘S why I kept trying to contact you, even years later.” You mumbled. “Loved? Look Y/N-” “Tom, I can’t. I can’t do this.” You whispered, your eyes filling with tears.

“Why not?” Tom asked, confused as to what was happening. “I told you before. There’s something bad happening to me and I just can’t put you through that.” You spoke quietly. Tom felt his heart burst as your compassion for him, even though he didn’t deserve it. You were right, he had been kind of a dick in the beginning.

“Listen, I’m, uh, gonna try and sleep. I dunno what time it is or what day it is, but I need rest.” You mumbled, making your way to the worn out living room, laying down on the battered couch. “Good idea. I’ll keep an eye out.” Tom responded, making you nod slightly as your eyes fluttered shut.

Tom tried to keep watch, though his mind was racing. You still had no idea about the possession or the deal Tom made with William’s ghost. Before Tom realized what was happening, he felt himself being lured away from his position by a small voice murmuring “Tommy,” over and over again. It was like he was on autopilot, he wasn’t consciously leaving you, but he wasn’t necessarily unconscious either.

The voice led Tom down to a room in the basement, unbeknownst to him, it was the worst room in the house, where most of the kids were trained in performing the rituals. William and Nancy weren’t stupid, they knew they’d die eventually, but they wanted to keep their house of horrors alive when they weren’t.

It was then that Tom woke up, once again face to face with William’s ghost, the hollow spaces where his eyes once were staring deep into Tom’s chocolate brown eyes. Tom began to panic, wondering where he was and how he ended up in the room. Before he could say anything, William had him put under another trance.

“Now Tom, you gotta watch and listen to me. I’m gonna teach you how to perform the sacrifice.”

Meanwhile you woke up in a sweat, in a box. “Tom?” You asked, beginning to try and move around, only to find you couldn’t. Looking down, you saw your skin rotting, making you start to panic. To make things worse, when you looked up, you noticed there was a covering over you, confirming you were in a coffin. You began to panic, trying to get out. Looking around, there was one small hole, that was slowly being covered by dirt. Hearing muffled voices, you heard Tom talking to someone else. The other person was complimenting Tom for doing such a great job with you, making you gasp. Tom was the one who put you in this coffin. Thrashing around, you became hysterical as he started to call your name.

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” Tom called, causing you to jolt forward. “Don’t fucking touch me.” You mumbled, shaking his hands from you. “What? Why?” He asked, taken aback at your hostility. “You’re only going to hurt me.” You spit, moving away from him.

“Y/N- I love you! I would never hurt you.” Tom argued. “You don’t love me, Tom.” You shook your head. “Yes I d-” “You avoided me for years, Tom! You just completely abandoned me!” You cried, shaking from frustration and fear of your realistic nightmare. Tom sighed, letting his head drop. He knew you were right, but he really did love you. Just because he stopped talking to you didn’t mean he didn’t think of you. He thought of you every day and how much he messed up. He wanted to reach out, try to talk. But as time went on, he gradually accepted that you hated him for his actions and you moved on, until he made the bold move to invite you and Olivia to his house. He hoped to reconcile with you that night, but instead you were lured to your current hell and things between you weren’t getting much better. You were physically weak and fragile, small bruises covered your body and dark bags covered your eyes, a sign of the physical tolls this house had taken on your body. But Tom knew just how strong you were for enduring what you had endured in this house so far.

“Y/N, I know you’re upset and I understand why and I promise you when we get out of here, you can move on and I won’t bother you ever again, but we need to work together to get out of here.” Tom spoke gently and quietly, making you nod. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” You said softly.

With the knowledge that someone had managed to escape before, you and Tom began finding your way to the door you thought you came in through. You found lots of doors, all of them leading to dead ends, most of them walls. Both of you tried to block out the thought that there were bodies behind those walls, knowing whoever didn’t die in sacrifices or of lack of food and water was often sealed in the walls while they were alive and left to die.

“Tom I think we should give up.” You muttered, feeling tired and dizzy. “No way, Y/N. There’s gotta be a way out of here,” Tom replied, the two of you finding a door that looked the same as all the others, Tom opening it. Instead of being greeted with a wall, you were greeted with the woods. The outside. Finally, you could feel fresh air against your faces, you could smell the crisp autumn air. Tears filled your eyes as you turned to Tom, who looked disappointed.

“Why do you look upset? Tom we can get out of here!” You cried, still grinning. “Y/N, no, that doesn’t lead outside. This is the room where they perform sacrifices.” He said, giving you a look. You felt tears fall from your eyes as your glimpse of the outside world decayed to an unfamiliar room to you, but one that seemed vaguely familiar to Tom. “No, no no no. T-This led outside. T-There’s no way-” You breathed out, tears falling down your cheeks.

“Tommy.” A voice spoke, chills running down your spine.

“Tom who’s tha-” You got out before Tom hit you over the head with something, rendering you unconscious.

#tom holland #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x female!reader #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland series #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland blurb #tom holland drabble #tom holland oneshot #tom holland one shot

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calliecat93 · 6 years ago

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RWBY V6 CH6 Review: Alone in the Woods

Have you ever felt terrified of an episode? Well, that’s a silly question! We’re watching RWBY! Of course we have! But man this may be the most worried about what’s going to happen that I’ve been for a long while. I could say that about the whole volume so far tbf, but MAN have been concerned. So after the outright uncomfortable atmosphere that the last episode presented, what does this one have in store for us? Lets find out.

Overview

Night has come, and our heroes aren't doing great. WBY looks outright ready to pass out as they sit infront of the fire as Ruby checks in on Qrow, whose mood is no better. The good news is that the storm is clearing up and all should be clear by morning. Ruby however is more concerned about if Qrow is doing okay, especially since she sees that he's found a bottle of alcohol. But Qrow shrugs it off, telling her to get everyone to sleep and that he'll wake them up in the morning. During this, Maria is reading the owners journals and as with all the other places, the Brunswick Farm owners were people trying to make a life for themselves, but they didn't make it. Everyone goes to bed... well except Maria who refuses to follow Qrow's orders. Maria is such a blessing.

Morning soon arrives, Ruby being awakened when she hears a bottle that Qrow had shatter. She realizes that they overslept and goes to get up her uncle... who now has a couple more bottles than eh previously had. She isn't happy about this. She looks outright... frustrated tbh. She can't shake him awake so, clearly mad, she simply tosses a bottle at the wall and that wakes Qrow up. It's... an interesting reaction. IDK any alcoholics or had family or friends who became alcoholics, an Thank God for it. But this felt... real. Lie this is how it is when someone you care about is too deep in their alcoholism. Ruby's clearly seen this before, as V5 also hinted. Only this time instead of being annoyed,s he's frustrated and tired of it. But as Qrow comes to, she calms down and hugs him, telling him that he can talk to her or Yang if anything is wrong. Qrow again just brushes it off, wanting to get out of the place. It's such a small, but impactful scene that really amps up the concern for Qrow.

The group gets ready to connect the wagon (I know there's a name for those things but I can't thin of it) to Yang's bike and get out, though all of them are clearly tired. It's not made any better when Qrow's bad luck hits and causes a flat tire. This seems to be the last straw for him as he goes off in a huff. Ruby seems to be the only one not delirious aside form Maria, saying that they can find a spare. But Yang isn't keen on it, pointing out their bad luck. Crashes, storms, monsters, it just looks like something doesn't want them to get to Atlas. It feels like no matter what, they always have to fight in order to pull through. When Ruby says that this is what they signed up for, Oscar makes a very strong point. They signed up to save the world, not to delay the inevitable.

Weiss brings back up the point that she brought up last time, why are they even going to Atlas? Ruby is again shocked that this is even a consideration, but Yang and Blake agree. The Relics may be in vaults currently, so why not just leave the lamp where they are? It could take her who knows how long ti find it if they just drop it down the well. I'd argue that since the Grimm re attracted to them, it wouldn't be too long, but then again she hasn't found the Beacon Relic, so... and even then,t hat's not the point. It's pretty clear that all that the others want to do is just give up on this whole thing and be done with it. Their eyes are lifeless. Their talk is in complete monotone. They look outright lifeless as they tell Ruby to just drop the Relic, all of them tired...

Throughout this, Ruby just looks outright horrified at what she's hearing... but soon she starts to think about this. She walks towards the well, also admitting that she herself is also tired. She takes off the Relic, holding it above the well with trembling hands. Her eyes too look lifeless and her expression emotionless... before she lets out a sigh. She slowly pulls back her hand, seeming to decide that no matter how tired she is, she can't just abandon the Relic until it's safe in Atlas. Unfortunately, she gets startled by a pair of glowing red eyes and that is enough to snap her out of her tired state... but also drop the Relic. She panics, even as the others say that it's fine and that her exhaustion is making her see things. Qrow starts to have Oscar work to fix the tire, but Ruby finally realizes that something is wrong and puts her foot down. She angrily refuses to go anywhere without the Relic. The girls, while still emotionless, agree to go down with her as Qrow angrily goes back into the house, ordering Oscar to fix the tire.

As the girls go through the caverns below, Maria continues to read through the journals. As she reads on, there is clear tension as the girls turn off their Scroll lights to find the lamp glow. Ruby outright even gets Crescent Rose out. SH finally finds the glow of the lamp and runs to grab it... as Maria stumbles upon a page titled The Apathy. One that clearly startles her. Why? Well when Ruby gets the Relic, she also finds the source of the glowing eyes... a horde of Grimm. But not like an that we've seen before. These look humanoid, kinda like the rider part of the Nuckalavee, and... it is creepy. Really, REALLY creepy. Ruby screams as she runs out, which snaps the other three out of their trances. Thy get ready to fight... but their weapons suddenly feel heavy and they once again start feeling tired.

Maria appears, telling them that they have to run. They do so, The Apathy giving chase. They are slow, heck it feels a LOT like a zombie horde. Considering their skeleton-like designs, I imagine that it was intentional. It doesn't help that throughout, all the girls keep feeling the same exhausted feeling. They finally make it into the same cellar that was locked before, but the feeling finally get the better of them. Only Ruby and Maria seem to have any kind of will left and worst, Blake is the farthest back and seems to resign herself to being killed as the Grimm close in. Ruby tries to crawl over to her, and the scene is just... creepy. In her state, Blake already looks lie she's dead. Motionless, wide but empty eyed, her weapon discarded as the horde start to close in on her. Poor Ruby can't get over to her and the others are in no state to help, so all that she can do is scream out Blake's name... and that is enough to activate her eyes for a brief moment. It kills a couple of the Grimm and again breaks everyone out of their daze. Ruby gets Blake and all that they have to do now is get out.

Unfortunately if you recall, the cellar is locked. Yang gets ready to go and break it open... but The Apathy still has plenty of numbers as they again cast their spell. Everyone but Maria goes down, Yang outright panicking ad she screams no while just steps away from the door. But Maria seems to realize something as she crawls over to Ruby. She asks her what her eye color is, to which Ruby replies silver. This makes Maria outright happy as she asks Ruby if she has a family and loved ones. Why? She tells her to focus on the way that they make her feel To focus those feelings as she speaks of how life is a beautiful thing. How life is precious. And how it must be protected. With all of that in mind, Ruby regains her resolve, her eyes flashing. She gets back up and this time, without and provicaiton from trauma or fear, unleashes her Silver Eyes power.

The eyes kill the Grimm, allowing everyone to regain their will. Yang breaks open the door and they all find themselves in the bar where Qrow unsurprisingly is. He's clearly drunken himself into a stupor however, grouchy and seeming detached form everything going on. The objective now is to get out of there as Maria, Yang, ad Blake run outside to where Oscar has fixed the tire. But Weiss isn't ready to go yet. She grabs several alcohol bottles and shatter them at the cellar door. The Apathy start to emerge... and Weiss sets everything ablaze. She and Ruby drag Qrow out, who argues and fights back... until he finally sees the burning Grimm. He's shocked into silence seeming to realize how badly he let himself go, as everyone loads up. Yang drives them all away form the Farm, which continues to burn...

Maria reveals what caused the farms downfall. They came upon financial hardships so hoping to save costs on hiring a Huntsman, the owner went and captured two of The Apathy. He locked them into the cellar, hoping that their influence would keep everyone calm and therefore the negative emotions wouldn't draw any further Grimm in. No Grimm, no Huntsmen needed. But unfortunately, the rest of the horde seeked out their own and their presence soon sucked out all of the residents wills to live. Maria just seems sad as she realizes all of this, throwing the book into the snow. Weiss and Yang apologize for how they acted, resolving to not give up until the Relic is safe in Atlas. Maria feels guilty for not realizing what was happening sooner having never seen a settlement die like Brunswick did.

Ruby however has her own questions. She realizes that Maria knows quite a lot about the Grimm an asks how. But that's not all. She remembers how Maria knew exactly what to do in order to get Ruby to release her eyes power. That's right guys, Ruby is finally asking about the Silver Eyes. She ass how Maria knew about this. Maria answers her question, and he gives the answer that we had all been waiting for since this volume began. Yes my friends, our assumptions have finally been confirmed. Maria was indeed a Silver Eyed Warrior.

Review

Damn man, just... DAMN. Okay, we have quite a bit to talk about. So lets keep the scary part out of the way, and then we'll get to the part I REALLY want to talk about.

This episode didn't go the route that I was expecting. I thought that it was going to be some kind of dream Grimm or a Headless Horseman Grimm. I did NOT expect Zombie Horde Grimm. I also thought that this would be some kind of nightmare episode, but nope! And I'm not complaining, in hindsight that would require a LOOOT of time. Having the cast give into apathy and slowly lose their resolve to continue the fight And even the will to live? That is more horrifying then any nightmare could be, especially since none of them even seed aware of it until Ruby snapped out of it. The Apathy may very well be the most terrifying Grimm in the show, They aren't as vicious as say a Beowulf or Ursa, or even as powerful. But they kill you by simply draining your will power, and as this episode demonstrated, that is more lethal than any Grimm attack so far could ever be.

Because of the apathy, the darkest thoughts of the cast really come out. Qrow becomes more drunk than usual and as I already said, it's pretty uncomfortable and realistic. Especially at the end where he's just full out angry and detached, getting angry at Weiss when she breaks the bottles. The look of horror on his face when he finally sees the Grimm and realizes just how badly he let himself slip is... it's shocking. Yang wants to outright quit after all their bad luck and the recent revelations. Weiss gets the idea in everyone's heads after thinking about it last chapter, and this time doesn't snap out of it. Oscar points out that all that they are doing is delaying their inevitable demise since Salem can't die. Everyone is questioning why they should continue the fight at this rate. Even Ruby even if just briefly, gives in and nearly discards the Relic, showing that even she has her limits.

The entire episode is very creepy and outright depressing. The girls emotionless eyes did NOT help. There was no life int hem, or even in their voices. There was just... nothing. They all almost died because of the Grimm making them not care anymore. And all of this happened because one guy wanted to save money. IDK if he did it out of desperation, greed or both but because of it, everyone died. It's a pitiful situation regardless of the motive. I felt like Maria did, just exasperated. It really further demonstrates how hopeless it seems to be for those outside the Kingdoms. Like what we saw with the girls? Imagine that with a small group of people. Imagine that with a whole city. It's a terrifying. Apathy can be a very dangerous thing, for both those who receive it and those who feel it. IDK if I can ever watch RvB, a show that has tons of it, the same way again... God probably none of them would survive The Apathy... well maybe Caboose would. Grif would be a goner though, although maybe already being apathetic would make him immune or... and I'm getting off track XD Sorry!

So yeah creepy as Hell. The atmosphere and acing were just right. It still had some light moments, like Maria refusing to go to bed and both Blake and Oscar being too tired to make food despite wanting it. That is such a mood. But overall the atmosphere was an uncomfortable as last week, only with plenty of fear for our heroes lives sprinkled in. Very, very well done.

But lets get to the real star of this episode: Ruby. In the past, I expressed how I felt that she got the shaft VERY badly in V5. Clearly, CRWBY is fixing that. Throughout these past six chapters, Ruby has been such an amazing character. Still optimistic and good-intention but she's showing much more of her development and growth. She's stepped up as a leader and is keeping alert. She's questioning things and thinking for herself, but still doing her best to take care of her team. She's frustrated at Qrow and upset about the revelations about Ozpin, but she's not letting them control her. She's outright trying her best to get Qrow to open up infact. She's the only one who gave a damn about Oscar and tried to comfort him, even if Qrow shot her efforts down. And in this episode? Despite The Apathy's effects on her, she refuses to give up. Even as she holds the Relic over the well, her hands are trembling in doubt. She was pulling it away from the well, deciding to keep fighting and go to Atlas because it is the right thing to do. But she also put her foot down, showing frustration with Qrow and REFUSING to leave without the Relic despite everyone around her not caring.

Then we have the climax. First, her attempt to save Blake. Weiss and Yang seem to just give up and even Blake resigns herself to death. But Ruby, despite being weighed down, still tries her damnest to save her teammate. And then when she herself is finally brought down, Maria is able to give her the exact encouragement that she needed. Maria got her to think about the happiness and love that her family and friends give her. That life is a precious, beautiful thing. She signed up for this to save lives and make the world better in any way that she can. That is what motivates her. That is why she is where she is. And it is what gave her the strength to break free and use her powers of her own will. And finally at the end, she FINALLY asks about the eyes. Sure it's not to Ozpin, but it IS to someone who clearly knows and can give her at least some kind of answer.

Maria s exactly the kind of character that Ruby NEEDS to help her along. Maria is a sassy old lady, but also wise, knowledgeable, and also seems to care about saving other lives. She seemed just sad when reading about what happened to the farm. Infact that was where her focus was, finding out what happened that cost so many their lives. It seems like, to me, the Silver Eye powers are fulled by the desire to protect and live. It is fulled by positive emotions, which make sense since the Grimm are fueled by negative emotion. It's hwy Maria got on the girls in Chapter for spewing negativity, It's why she's been so far overall very positive, even though clearly SOMETHING happened that cost her her eyes. She is the wise, but kindly person that Ruby currently needs. Ozpin's shadiness and current broken state can't do that right now. Maria is such a welcome addition to the cast, and so far her inclusion has been so good and looks to be leading to even greater things. I frekain' love her.

Going back to Ruby though.. this is what I have been wanting form her since Volume 3. It feels like the multiple timelines and other characters needing the focus is why Ruby got shafted so badly. There was clearly so much going on that something had to be put on pause, and Ruby ended up being the one to get it. This has everything that I have been wanting to see from her. Her growth as a leader, her encouraging nature in spite of all the bad luck, her questioning things and showing some semblance of frustration and anger, her learning about the Silver Eyes. This is the Ruby Rose that I have been waiting for. I've been incredibly patient with CRWBY getting to this, and it is FINALLY paying off. You guys have no idea how happy I was when Ruby willingly used the eyes. How she refused to give up despite everything and everyone around her trying to provoke her. How she is still resolved to do good no matter what. I'm still hoping for her to open up more about her more negative feelings and have a breakdown so that she can move forward, but right now? This is very much the right direction for her, and I could not be happier about my favorite character right now.

Final Thoughts

This volume continues to give. This chapter was creepy and unsettling, but also tense and impactful. It had an awesome if horrifying Grimm concept that is going to haunt my nightmares. It had one Hell of an end and let us see the true dark feelings of most of the characters. It did wonders for Maria as well. Ut this chapter was especially great because of Ruby. She is truly showing the inspiring figure that she is meant to be as she continues to step up as a leader and try to do what's right. I feel like the missteps with her in V5 have now been amended, and hopefully we'll see things continue to go uphill as we reach the halfway mark. Awesome chapter and I loved every single second of it! Well done CRWBY!

#rwby #rwby6 #rwby reviews #callie reviews

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raeofgayshine · 6 years ago

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The World We’re Gonna Make

Some background info/a look at the characters in my Orphan Au verse. If you want to read more about their adventures, there are two stories that have been posted to go along with it so far, which you can read here and here

Logan Lockerman: - He’s the oldest (by a couple of months but still) - He’s very protective over the others and worries about them constantly, he’s basically the Mom Friend - Placed in the system when he was born, has no idea who his parents are and doesn’t give a shit either - He’s trans, which was something he discovered when he was like three (Patton helped him choose his new name) - People always tell him he’s too young to really know though and so most adults refuse to call him Logan or use the right pronouns. - Logan almost always corrects them though even if it makes his situation worse because he does not have a chill, someone please stop him - Thomas calls Logan the right name/uses the right pronouns from the start which helps with trust - Literally is the biggest troublemaker ever, because he’s stubborn as fuck and also refuses to follow any sort of rule he thinks is stupid or unfair. Has his own agenda in life, most of which revolves around keeping Patton, Roman, and Virgil safe and with him at all times, and will do whatever it takes for that to happens - Gives zero shits what anyone thinks about him (except he sort of cares what Patton, Roman, and Virgil think and eventually Thomas too) - He’s the honorary grandson of a knitting club that meets in the library every Wednesday night. They all love him and his rebellion, especially once they see him interact with Pat, Ro, and V, and are always giving him tips on how not to get caught. They’ve taught him how to knit although he doesn’t admit that, and help him whenever he needs to do something he maybe shouldn’t - They’re also totally chill with him being trans and are willing to fight people who say he is too young - Literally the best role models ever, I love them - A tol boy. Even at 12 he’s already v tall and still growing. None of his pants fit him anymore, so Thomas has to take him shopping after he takes them in just so that he has something that fits - Used to cut his own hair when it got too long with a little help from Patton, and while it always looked a little messy it was better than the dysphoria caused by long hair - He gets his first real haircut after moving in with Thomas when Patton asks to borrow scissors to cut Logan’s hair and Thomas offers to book an appointment with an actual hair stylist instead - Is a huge fucking nerd who loves space and would love to be an astronaut except that it would require him to leave the others and he’s too attached to do that (although he would never admit that because “ew, feelings” - “VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU” - Likes watching the stars when he’s stressed, it calms him down. - He also likes talking about the stars with the others when they’re upset, it’s basically the only way he knows how to calm them down. It works most of the time. - Also is really fascinated by the ocean but hasn’t spent a lot of time studying it. It lowkey scares him as much as it fascinates him. - Maybe wants to be a marine biologist, who knows, he’s fucking 12 after all - Self Care who? I don’t know her. - Will fight his family if they don’t take care of themselves but he doesn’t do it himself - A true disaster gay - Would stay up all night studying if Patton could sleep alone. Sometimes he sneaks out of bed if Ro or Virgil joins Patton because of nightmares and will sit reading at his desk for hours until one of them wakes up and drags him to bed - Has passed out his desk several times. Has literally zero regrets, unless Patton finds him and scolds him because Patton is good at making him feel guilty for doing that. - Hella smart, which he uses to keep from getting caught doing things he shouldn’t - Grew up too fast and never got to really act like a child because he always felt the need to protect the others from the day he met Patton - Has trouble letting loose, even after they are taken in by Thomas, although slowly he learns to relax just a little, and there are rare times he completely lets himself go - One of those times is when they visit the Planetarium and Science Museum, and Logan lets his enthusiasm and joy take over as he drags the others around to each exhibit, excitedly explaining everything he knows on each topic before they move on. - A true Slytherclaw

Patton Morgan: - The second oldest - The softest puffball ever, unless you hurt his friends in which case he will fight you zero hesitation - The Dad Friend who will adopt literally anyone who needs him even if they’re older than him it doesn’t matter, you’re still one of his kiddos - Was given up when he was a few months old for unknown reasons, always has been curious about his parents but there’s no information to go on so he tries not to let it bug him. Besides he has his own famILY and he loves them more than anything - Gives the best hugs, and gives them all the time. Always greets people with a hug, even if it hasn’t been the long since he last saw them - Has trouble sleeping alone so he usually sleeps with Logan especially when they were kids. - Loves all animals, especially cats, even if he’s allergic and cannot resist helping an animal in need. He’s gotten in trouble quite a few times for hiding injured wild animals in his room that he was nursing back to health - Animals love him just as much back, everywhere he goes he attracts them like a fucking Disney Princess - Not as much of a troublemaker as Logan, doesn’t like breaking the rules or making others upset with him, but will do it when necessary, usually to protect his family - Loves to bake and taught himself to do so with a bit of help from Logan when he was 7. Always gets in trouble for baking unsupervised, and has burned himself more than once by getting distracted - Tried to cook once and ended up almost setting the kitchen on fire. He’s not allowed to cook anymore. - Loves to draw and is actually pretty good at it, but thinks of it as more of a silly hobby than anything else (as in he doesn’t think he’s that great but he others strongly disagree) - Owns way too many coloring books that he likes to share with the others when they’re stressed, it’s the ultimate relaxation technique - Looks on the bright side of life and tries to keep a positive attitude as much as possible. - Loves make others happy it is his favorite past time - Shorter than Logan but not by much. He’s covered in freckles and has curly dirty blonde hair that’s almost always messy and impossible to tame but in a cute way - He’s adorable and he knows it and uses it to keep himself and his family out of trouble - Convinced Logan to get matching glasses because he thought it was cute - Has a super pretty singing voice but always gets really shy about it and insists it’s not that good - Spends a lot of time threatening to fight his friends for not believing in themselves or thinking they’re not good enough/good at something, but also is a major hypocrite because he always talks down about himself - Needs! To! Learn! Self! Love!! - Wears his heart on his sleeve and always feels every emotion like, 10000%, which leads to him getting hurt a lot and the others threatening to beat people up - Used to get bullied until Logan found out, afterward which everyone was too scared to even look at Patton wrong because Logan is hella fucking protective when he needs to be - Loves Christmas, to the point where as soon as Halloween is over he’s blasting Christmas carols and watching Christmas movies, he even makes his own decorations out of paper because that’s all they have and covers everything with cheer - Has a journal where he writes all the good stuff that happens every day which helps cheer him up when he’s sad - Aggressively loves you tbh - Cries when he’s angry/frustrated, which often makes people think that he is weak/they need to baby him - Does Not need to be treated like a child, he can take care of himself perfectly fine thank you very much - Never is ashamed to admit when he does need help, which is why he gets frustrated when people don’t believe him when he says he can handle something - Good at reading people and always knows what they need to hear when they need to hear it - Has the best puns - An honest to god Slytherpuff and it’s terrifying

Roman Creasy: - The baby - The smolest child, will actually fight you if you point it out though - Was raised by a single mother until he was 5, it had always been just the two of them and they were really close so he was super upset when she died - She was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Roman walked away with only a few cuts and bruises - Roman doesn’t really like riding in cars and gets antsy when he has to be in them too long as a result - Learned from an early age that nothing in life comes for free so if you want your dreams to come true you have to work for them - Believes that anything is possible if you’re willing to put in the effort, no dream is too big even when others say it’s unrealistic - Wants to be an actor on Broadway and has since he was two and his mom took him for the first time to the local theater. He fell in love instantly with the music, the dancing, the sparkling lights, and declared that that was what he wanted to do - He spends a lot of time practicing even though others don’t always see it like that. He’s always singing, dancing, trying to get better, every story he tells is a performance because he’s practicing for being on stage - Loves all things Disney and will defend the movies to his grave, if you insult them in front of him you’ve made a mistake because he will go off on you - His favorite princess is Mulan and his favorite prince Flynn Ryder - One of the last things he has from before his mom died is the prince outfit she bought him for Halloween when he was five. It was too big then, and now it’s mostly falling apart, but he still wears the sash when he plays prince - After Thomas takes them in, Thomas buys him a new costume that Roman wears basically all the time - Is always covered in cuts and bruises from “Questing”, and from doing things like climbing trees he shouldn’t or climbing on top the monkey bars and falling off. - Roman gets into a lot of trouble but usually on accident, he’s an act now think later sort of person, often times he sees rules as a challenge rather than something to be followed, and he doesn’t hesitate to save someone in trouble (He’s gotten into a few fights with bullies at school, Logan is proud and Patton just concerned). - He writes stories all the time but will only share them with his family because he doesn’t think they’re that good. - He also has the tendency to start things and never finish them because he just has a lot of ideas - He carries a notebook around so that he jots down his ideas whenever they come to him so he doesn't forget them because his mind is just always going - Whenever he has nightmares he’ll sneak into Patton and Logan’s room and depending on what it was about depends on who he wakes up for comfort - Most of the time he wakes up Patton because a hug from him can cure basically anything and he’s the best at comfort - When he dreams about his mom though he usually wakes up Logan because he needs the comfort of the mom friend - Is adorable as fuck and knows it. His hair is a light brown and a little wavy, the ends are dyed red after he moves in with Thomas and he mostly keeps it pushed out of his face but when he gets really excited some of it falls in his eyes and it makes him look even more adorable, he has freckles on his face from the sun but that’s it. - He’s almost always happy and excited and is like the most precious child in the world, always ready for adventure, he’s basically like a puppy I love him. - He’s really smart but has trouble sitting still and learning, but Logan helps him out by taking the time to explain things in a way that keeps Roman interested and at a pace he can understand - Took dance classes before his mother died and really wants to take them again, but he also doesn’t want to bother Thomas by asking so he just tries to teach himself from videos he sees online - Thomas catches on at some point and signs Roman up for classes and Ro cries he is so grateful - Pretends that he’s super confident and bulletproof and like nothing can hurt him, but is actually really sensitive and takes everything that people say to heart - Craves validation and being praised which leads to him going out of his way to get attention - Is such a people pleaser. He wants everyone to like him and gets upset when they don’t - Needs to be protected he is literally so pure - Self-identified Gryffindor willing to fight you about it, but could easily be Ravenclaw or Slytherin

Virgil Antley: - The newest to the family, he’s only been with them about five months before Thomas takes them in - The second youngest, about 6 months older than Roman - They are all very protective over him, literally the other three would kill for Virgil without a second thought. - An anxious babe, but also really soft and sweet. - Just wants to be loved tbh - Cries when people yell at him. - Usually assumes if someone is mad it’s his fault and tries to apologize even if they’re not mad at him - Because of his anxiety there’s a lot of times that he can’t talk, so Logan taught them all sign language so that they communicate when Virgil has trouble speaking - Was put into the system after his parents were arrested for drug charges and stayed at the same group home as the others for 4 months while his parents went to rehab and tried to prove they were fit to have a kid again - Got really attached to the others after Logan calmed him down from a nightmare talking about stars and then Patton cuddled him until he fell back asleep. - It took him a little longer to warm up to Roman cause he’s so loud and excitable, but after Ro fell asleep on him one night Virgil decided he didn’t mind him so much - Virgil is highly protective over Roman, and will fight anyone that touches him. - They bicker a lot and can be sort of mean to each other but in a playful way and if anyone else said the things about Ro that Virgil did (or vice versa), Virgil would kick their ass - After 4 months had passed his parents came to take him home and Virgil doesn’t really want to go but there’s literally nothing the others can do. - Logan yells and throws a fit because there’s clearly something off, no kid should be afraid of their parents like Virgil is of his but there’s literally nothing they can do - Two weeks later Virgil’s parents get arrested for child abuse after Virgil misses like three days of school and they come to his house to find him locked in the basement covered in bruises - He had a broken arm and quite a few bruised/cracked ribs from where he fell (was pushed) down the stairs and a concussion, as well as being dehydrated from being locked up for so long without food or drink. - The three boys sneak into the hospital to see him when they find out and refuse to leave Virgil’s side until he’s discharged and eventually the doctors give in because it would honestly just cause Virgil more trauma at this point to remove them then to let them stay - He returns to the group home after a few days in the hospital for about a week, until someone (Thomas) offers to foster him so that he could get access to the care he really needed to recover from the trauma - Which leads to Thomas taking in all four boys after he sees them together and decides they can’t be separated - Before meeting the others Virgil was pretty touch starved, so afterwards he becomes super clingy and is usually always in physical contact with at least one of the others in some form. It also helps calm him down and keep him grounded when his anxiety is !!!! - Learned to play the piano from his music teacher when he was 5 and was basically a natural. - By the time he moves in with Thomas, who has a piano in his living room, he hasn’t played in over a year and it takes him a while to actually work up the courage to do so again, but he’s still just as good. - He wants to learn other instruments when he gets older, but right now hasn’t decided exactly what yet - Average height for his age, but also too skinny thanks to neglect. On the paler side, but not necessarily in the way that looks unhealthy, it’s just his skin tone. - Likes to hide behind his fringe (which is dyed purple thanks to Thomas) because it makes him feel safer. He usually wears an oversized hoodie for the same reason - Has the cutest fucking puppy eyes that you cannot resist and melts even the most frozen of hearts - Is honestly a really chill child, especially compared to Roman who is sort of high demand, he doesn’t require much attention on a day to day basis but he does like it when he gets some - Has a curious side that he doesn’t show a lot because anxiety, but like as he becomes more comfortable around the others he starts asking more questions. - Once he gets started, its hard to get Virgil to stop asking questions, he always wants to know more, partly for the fun of it, partly because the more knows the more his anxiety is eased - Likes science because it’s a lot about asking questions and trying to find answers. - Logan and Virgil have gotten into a lot of questionable situations in the name of science -Tbh he’s a Griffinclaw but he will literally fight you over that

Thomas Sanders: - The foster dad who takes the boys in - In a constant state of s t r e s s - Is Trying His Best with mild success - There are good and bad days, though he likes to think there’s more good than bad over time - Just wants the boys to be happy healthy children who aren’t worried about things they shouldn’t be, like not getting food or being separated or being punished for giving their opinion - Although yelling isn’t the best way to share your thoughts, Logan, there is a polite way to disagree with someone especially if they’re willing to listen to you there’s no need shout - A pure soul - Often bites off more than he can chew because he just wants to help others out and make them happy - Signed up to be a foster parent so that he could help out kids in need - Virgil was supposed to be his first foster kid, alone, but when Thomas met the others (and maybe was threatened a bit by Logan and Patton) and saw the four of them together he decided he was going to take all of them - A lot of people think he’s crazy for taking on four kids his first time, especially when all of those four kids are known for making trouble and/or were dealing with effects of various types of trauma - Thomas thinks he’s crazy a lot of the time too, but at the same time these boys are worth it - A high school music teacher who also helps out a lot with theater, also basically the coolest teacher in school everyone loves him - He learned sign language after he decided to be a teacher because he figured it could help out with students/parents/siblings - Acts whenever he has a chance at the local theater downtown - He takes the boys there one Saturday and Roman falls in love instantly - Honestly one of the things that helps Roman open up to him - Does his best to support the boys however he can, like getting Logan new clothes and a haircut, buying Virgil sheet music and letting him use the piano, taking Roman to dance classes, and very easily being talked into adopting a dog by Patton (He had been debating on doing it anyways, and Pat had a good point it might help the others open up and trust him more and also help Virgil relax a bit) - Is super excited/proud whenever one of the boys opens up to him a little or even when they just start to relax more in his presence - Almost cries the first time Virgil talks to him tbh because it’s such a big deal - Loves to do things that makes the boys happy and spends so much time trying to figure out what they each enjoy so that he can take them to those things - He tries his best to accommodate each one of the boys and their little quirks - Like that he shouldn’t ever raise his voice around Virgil and to make sure he gives the boy extra reassurance when something went wrong - Or that the best way to get Roman to do anything, even the things he didn’t want to do, was to make it seem like a quest of some sort - Realizes early on that Patton hated being treated like he couldn’t take care of himself so he lets him have independence first, and when he does offer help makes it clear it’s not because he doesn’t think Patton is capable, but because he just likes to help - Picks up on the fact that Logan shoves aside his own needs and wants to put the others first, so he makes it his mission to give Lo gentle reminders to take care of himself, steps in when he gets too stressed and gets him to relax, and encourages him to indulge in the little pleasures he otherwise wouldn’t. - Before the boys move in with him, Thomas doesn’t cook a lot, he doesn’t really know how and with his schedule and school there wasn’t always a lot of time, but when he takes them in he makes an effort to start cooking more, and although it’s a bit of a disaster at first with the help of Logan (who treats cooking like a science), between the two of them they manage to figure it out and soon it becomes pretty rare that they set off the fire alarm - Patton teaches Thomas how to bake!! It’s really cute, and it’s one of the ways they bond from the very beginning. - Thomas is open from the start with the boys that this is just as much of a learning experience for him as it is for them, all of them are in this boat together trying to figure out how it works and the best way to go about things, they might make mistakes but it was okay because none of them were perfect - Still, Thomas always gets upset with himself every time he says/does something that sets back the progress he’s made with the boys. He tries not to let them see that though because he doesn’t want them to blame themselves. - Loves his boys from the moment he meets them, lowkey wants to adopt them after a few weeks but like is too scared to bring it up because he doesn’t want to scare them off - The Best Dad - A Hufflepuff through and through

#Sanders Sides #Logan Sanders #Roman Sanders #Patton Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Thomas Sanders #Orphans AU #The World We're Gonna Make Verse #Ravenpuff Writes

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just-jordie-things · 7 years ago

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headcannons - Richie Tozier

warnings: swearing (duh, it’s ‘beep beep’ richie) a/n: i liked writing this? a different form of headcanons but i like it

[prompt 37: “love is being partners” ]

Ok so it’d start of super simple

Like you were best friends since forever

Really though your brother Bill introduced you to him in kindergarted and bam! Friendship ensued almost instantly

Mostly cause you were the same in... I dunno... EVERY way??

Practical jokes, pranking people. Always.

When you met Eddie, it had become clear that this was going to be one strange group of friends.

Bill, your older brother (only by a year) the stuttering kind one. Richie, the trashmouth who never knew the right time to shut up, Eddie, the hypochondriac, and you. The little sister that got along with everyone because tbh you were such a sweetheart

But you were by far the closest to Richie

As time went on everyone was so confused by it. Even outside of the Losers

“y/n? Her best friend is Trashmouth Tozier? Yeah right”

“Are they more than that?”

“No way, she’s way too good for him”

“She can do so much better”

“I just don’t see it

But alas, it was true. Out of all your little group of friends, he stuck like glue

And it was 100% mutual, he was just as connected to her as she was to him, and it was perfect

Everything was perfect.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

NOT

I mean... Pennywise

He fucked everything up (sue me, this needs some angsty plot ffs)

At first they only grew closer, everyone in fear of the demonic clown. And that fear made everyone want to stuck as close as possible

Constant sleepovers, always being together, when someone was away they had the phone always open for a call

IT began to terrorize each and every one of you

You had never been so afraid of something in your life

He’d come at you three times now, each something relatively the same but always more terrifying than the last

The first, an image of Georgie, chasing after you and begging you to save him. “Please sissy please!” Being yelled over and over as you screamed for him to go away, knowing he was only a conjured image of Pennywise’s twisted nature.

The second, Bill. Yelling at you stutter-free. About how you’d done nothing to save your little brother. About how you had moved on like it hadn’t even happened. How you were just like your mother, who lost the ability to show even the slightest of care towards her children.

You hadn’t thought it could get worse, but you were wrong

The third, Richie. You’d honestly thought it was him, you thought that he’d come over to hang out. It wasn’t until a few minutes of the way he talked, that you’d realized, it wasn’t him. He was snarking at you, and not in the usual playful bantering way. In a cruel, mean way. Mentioning repeatedly the only reason he was even friends with her was because she was the girl who lost her brother

That’s when she started avoiding him

She was afraid, afraid that it was what scared her because while she understood that that Richie wasn’t real, the feelings that copy-Richie displayed could very well be the truth

And she didn’t want to burden him any longer. So she stayed away

She pretended not to be home when Eddie or Mike or Ben or Bev would come over, Bill helped her play along, much to his protest.

But he cared about his sister, even if what she was doing he found stupid

But it wasn’t just her, Richie strayed away from her as well

He took long routes to go places, making sure to steer far away from the Denbrough residence so he wouldn’t be caught by her.

He checked with Bill before hanging out with the group if y/n was going to be joining

He figured that she’d found out his secret, and that that was the reason she had avoided him like the fucking plague

He didn’t know that he couldn’t have been more wrong

But he was too stupid (and sad about the situation) to go and simply ask her why she had been straying further and further away from him

It had almost been an entire month of not seeing each other. But it felt like years

And it was absolute hell.

Bill had begged his sister to stop being such a wimp and to just go talk to her trash mouth friend

He knew the truth, he knew the truth on both sides of their story, and all Bill wanted to do was scream at them that they were both being absolutely stupid

But he just blatantly told Richie that they needed to talk to each other, because the group was falling apart piece by piece

And Richie and y/n were the last people anyone would’ve though would allow to be broken up so easily

They had been glued to each other since they were five (well, she was 4 but she doesn’t like to be the youngest in the group)

Yet somehow, they were split apart like someone drug a knife between them, separating them completely

Bill was going absolutely insane working around the two of them

“y/n, you m-made the de-decision, you’re not allowed t-to sulk”

“I’m not sulking”

*frustrated glare* “Y-you are t-too”

The argument always ended there.

When the month of being apart was coming to an end, Bill, Eddie, Bev, Stan, Mike, and Ben had all decided they’d had enough of this ridiculousness.

So, they did the only thing that they’d really learned from the once inseparable pair

They tricked them.

Bill swore to Richie that y/n refused to go to the quarry

While Bev was complaining to y/n about how Richie never showed up to any of their gatherings anymore, persuading her that he wouldn’t be there today and that she should come

They both agreed.

And when Richie saw y/n riding on the back of Beverly's bike to the cliff side, he didn’t know how to feel

She hadn’t seen him right away, her back turned to him as she spoke to Bev

On the one hand, he was fucking furious. Bill had sworn to him that y/n wouldn’t be there today

On the other hand, his anxiety was bubbling up inside of him after not having seen or spoken to her in so long

And on another hand, he was thankful.

SO goddamn thankful.

This was the girl he’d spent most of his life with

Until now, the longest he’s spent away from had only been a day, and that was back when her and Bill had a bad case of pneumonia, and Mrs Denbrough had refused him repeatedly on entering their house

But as he stared at her, his eyes larger than normal behind his thick framed glasses, the singular thought in his head was ‘thank. Fucking. God.’

Because he missed her

He’d missed everything about her

The way she smiled and laughed and spoke passionately about the things she loved

The way she’d stand up on the back bar of his bike when he rode her home at night

The way she’d hug him goodbye, a quick but tight little embrace before saying goodnight and going inside

He missed her fearlessness, leaping from the cliff side like it was only a two foot drop to the water

He missed when it was just the two of them hanging out, probably listening to whatever new mix tape he’d made, and she’d dance around to the new music

He missed when the whole group hung out

Bc she’d cling to his side like she needed him

He just didn’t know how much she truly did.

It was like y/n’s world went in slow motion as she turned and saw him standing there, his eyes wide behind his glasses and her own expression matching his.

For a split second she was scared, scared that he was going to say something to her, be angry with her

But a soft expression came over her features, and she smiled towards him

Richie was sHO_oK

But he snapped out of his trance and waved at you

(the most fucking awkward wave in the history of awkward waves)

And the day went on.

Everyone talked, caught up on things that they’d missed out on

The night ended after hours of playing around in the water and cliff diving, with a big bonfire

Everyone sat around, drying off and putting their clothes back on just enjoying the warmth.

y/n hesitantly sat down next to Richie

And he just fuckin stared at her

I mean, she stared back

but at least she had a fucking expression on her face

(a soft, forgiving sort of smile)

Whereas richie just stared in shock

It wasn’t until you spoke that he registered you were truly there in front of him

“I’ve missed you Tozier” Her voice was soft, like that of an angel’s

Again, he stared, but this time a gentle smile was tugging on his lips. The smile that anyone other than y/n, rarely saw.

“I’ve missed you too n/n”

He almost was pissed at the fact that it was that easy. That simple

But of course he wasn’t, he didn’t want to test the wrath of the gods and fuck up the best thing in his life that he just got back as of thirty seconds ago

So instead he just smiled wide, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close enough until her head fell on his shoulder

While this form of cuddling wasn’t really new to them (they’d always been like this) but it’d been so long

And it felt so....

Different.

A good different, but it was so noticeable that it made a lump in Richie’s throat

y/n was always someone he could talk around

(well he chattered around everyone, but with y/n he was able to have serious talk with)

She almost fell asleep against him, if it hadn’t been for Eddie beginning to fake gag

Richie could’ve ripped his head off, but he didn’t want to upset you

“Fuck off Eddie” y/n had muttered, closing her eyes again and not caring about whatever comments were being thrown her way

She just wanted Richie back

Her Richie.

hope this okay? here’s the prompt list if you want to request

xoxox~ jordie

#IT 2017 #IT 2017 imagine #IT 2017 x reader #IT 2017 fanfiction #IT 2017 scenario #richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #richie imagine #richie fanfiction #richie tozier scenario #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard x reader #finn wolfhard scenario #finn wolfhard fanfiction #richie tozier headcanons #finn wolfhard headcanons

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onelovewonderwoman · 7 years ago

Text

Why I Stayed || Part i/ii

Wooh second fanfic and I’m still trash. I really hope you guys like it, tbh this is so much better than my first one so like I’m glad but at the same time I wanna cry, ya know? Anyways, happy reading (or happy cringing if I’m right)

tags : @birkinvibes

request : Could u do a peter Parker x reader where he rlly likes Liz but the reader has been his friend for a while and she gets hurt over and over until she just gets mad?? Idk I think I just really like angst♥️♥️ thank u

Y/N = Your Name

words : 2007

Part ii

Masterlist

————————–

“Did Liz get a new top?” Peter sighed dreamily.

“No, just never worn it with that skirt.” Ned replied just as dazed.

“Don’t you think you guys are being a bit creepy?” You questioned the boys sitting across from you.

Ned’s head shot over in your direction before he responded with, “We’re not creepy, we’re just admiring from afar.”

“Mhm, okay creepy.” You laughed.

Your attention turned to Peter, who was still gazing over at the most popular girl in school, Liz Allan. He’s always had a huge thing for her, and you wished that wasn’t the case. For years and years you’ve been holding feelings for your best friend, hoping he’d returned them, until the beginning of high school when he confessed to you about his infatuation with her. It crushed you.

“Hey, earth to Peter,” You waved your hand in front of his face, “You done gawking?”

Peter’s attention snapped to you and he cleared his throat, “I wasn’t gawking, I was just-”

“Admiring from afar, I know,” You finished for him, “It’s been two years now Pete, don’t you think you should get over her?”

Peter sighed and looked the other way for a moment before turning back to you and shaking his head.

“You don’t get it Y/N, there’s something different about Liz. She’s not like other girls and I know I’m probably the last person to have a chance with her, but-”

“But what Peter?” You cut him off, “If you think you’re the last person to have a chance with her, why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

‘Why do I keep doing this to myself when I’m the last person to have a chance with him.’ You thought to yourself.

“Why do you do that? Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be helping me? You’re my best friend.” Peter’s eyes widened towards you with a mix of frustration and desperation.

“I am your best friend, and I’m only trying to protect you,” You said desperately, “I really don’t want to see you get hurt.” ‘I really don’t want to see you with her.’

“You really think I’m not even the slightest bit good enough?” Peter said in disbelief.

‘You’re more than good enough, trust me.’ You thought.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, Pete,-” You were cut off by an alarm coming from Peter’s phone.

“Look, I have to go anyway. Stark Internship.” Peter got up from his place without another word and ran out of the lunchroom to do his thing.

You were the only one, along with Ned, who knew that the Stark Internship, wasn’t really an Internship. As it turns out, you’re best friend is the masked hero or vigilante, as most adult figures call him; Spider-Man. It took two months for you find out, and only because you walked in on Peter changing and the web crawler’s suit on the floor.

“You really have to tell him about how you feel,” Ned’s voice took you away from your thoughts, “You guys can’t keep going back and forth like this. It’s been months now.”

Ned was the only person who knew about you having a thing for Peter. He’s always urging you to tell Peter, especially when ‘fights’ like this happen.

“Ned, the fact that I like him had nothing to do with the point I was making earlier,” You sighed, “He’s going to get hurt really badly later on if he keeps fantasizing about being with her and can’t. I’m trying to protect him, and I’m not saying he’s not good enough, I just don’t trust people like her.” ‘I’m trying to protect him from every hurt I’ve felt when he didn’t want me because I wasn’t good enough.’

“Do you not trust her, or do you still love him?” Ned whispered to you, so no one in the crowded cafeteria would hear.

“Ned, for the last time, I’m over it.” You finalized.

As you sat there playing with your food and glancing around the room, Ned watched you and felt sympathy for you. It’s been years and years since you’ve been in love with the same guy, and years and years since you’ve been faced with rejection that guy didn’t even know he was giving you. You endured pain and heartbreak most days when he’d stare at Liz and stutter in academic decathlon when he’d talk to her.

Ned knew that even if Peter didn’t return the feelings you had for him, he’d always need you, and you knew that too. That’s why you stay. As his best friend, and nothing more, you stay and endure pain so he doesn’t have to. Whether it be as Spider-Man, or with Liz or Flash, or just being a teenager.

At least you had Spider-Man as something no one else knew about. At least when you were patching him up at nights, there wasn’t the topic of ‘how to get Liz’, there was just two best friends (despite you wanting it to be more) together.

There would always be a tap or knock on the widow in the middle of the night, and Peter would crawl in. Most of the time he would be hurt real bad. You would spend hours patching him up and talking about whatever you guys wanted. Sometimes you’d laugh a bit too loud and almost get caught by your parents with Spider-Man in your room. You never remember the hurt you feel then, it does, however, hit you with a bang the next day; but it’s worth it.

“Hey, I heard about the robbery. What happened yesterday? You never showed at my house, did you seriously come out unscathed? That’s impressive as hell.” You whispered to Peter, who currently had his head in his locker, reaching for books.

Once the locker shut and he turned his head your way, you couldn’t help but let out a gasp.

His right eye was coloured black and blue, he had nasty cuts on below the eye, on his lower lip, and right cheek. He looked like a mess.

“What happened?” You asked in disbelief and reached up to touch his injured cheek.

“Lots of guys. Big ones too.” Peter summarized and chuckled a bit.

“It’s not funny Peter,” You told him, “Why didn’t you come to me?”

Peter only smiled dreamily after and shook his head, “Something happened Y/N, something amazing.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, then your face lit up, “Did Stark give you like a promotion or something as an Avenger or to become one?” You whispered.

Peter shook his head and whispered back to you, “I was going to your place, but Spider-Man bumped into Liz,” he smiled as yours was falling, “And she saw that I was hurt and wanted to help, so she did… and I told her I was Spider-Man. Remember when she said she had a thing for Spider-Man in P.E.? It turns out she also has a thing for Peter Parker ‘cause she said yes to go out with me.”

You felt your heart clench and the sudden need to cry. Peter’s with Liz now. Even though you felt sad at the news, part of you was filled with anger. You were the person who patched him up. That was the only time you had with him. Spider-Man and being able to help him was something the two of you shared, but now Liz has a part in it.

“Oh.” Was all you could say.

“Yeah,” Peter’s smile widened, “There she is now! I’ll call you later, okay?”

He didn’t wait for your reply before he made his way over to his new girlfriend. You watched as she grabbed his arm, smiling. Watching them, all of your anger and sadness dissipated. You felt nothing watching them. Nothing.

It’s been almost a month since Liz found out about Spider-Man and the two have been together. It’s been almost a month since Peter stopped coming to you for help and started going to Liz. It’s been almost a month since you’ve spent every day building up anger and sadness that had yet to be released.

You were in Peter’s room studying for an upcoming science test, which was shocking, considering hanging out together had become something rare. He’s busy either with school, being a hero, or going out with Liz.

“Y/N, you’re a girl right?” Peter turned to look at you from his desk.

You furrowed your eyebrows, shifted in your spot on his bed, and said slowly, “Last time I checked, yeah.”

Peter laughed, “Sorry, I just need to ask you something.”

“Shoot.” You put down your textbook and smiled.

“My one month anniversary with Liz is coming up, ‘cause apparently that’s a thing, and I was wondering if you could help me come up with something to do. I really need a girl’s advice.”

The smile you had on fell quickly.

“How about you give her the role of best friend too,” You muttered under your breath,

“What?” Peter leaned forward in his chair,

“I said, I’m not sure what you should do,” You spoke again, “Liz and I are really different.” ‘That’s why I never had a chance. I can’t compete with someone like her. Especially when I’m losing you.

“Come on, I really need your help,” Peter paused, “You’re my best friend, Y/N.”

“Pete, just ask one of Liz’s friends. They’ll help a lot more than I will.” You sighed.

“I don’t want their help, Y/N. I want your help, you’re my best friend,” Peter huffed, “I need you now. I need my best friend. Can you please act like one?”

Your eyes moved slowly to lock with his.

“What did you say?” You said dangerously calm,

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, “I just need you to be my friend right now.”

‘He doesn’t get to say that,’ You thought, ‘That’s not fair.’

You stood up, “I’m gonna go home, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

You couldn’t stay there, you’d break if the conversation is to go any further.

Peter stood up from his chair and grabbed your arm, only for you to yank it out of his grasp,

“No, don’t touch me,” You had tears in your eyes, “I don’t want you to touch me.”

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Peter reached for you again, “Are you okay, I don’t know what I said that-”

“Of course you don’t know,” You moved away from him again, “I-”

You cut yourself off and shook your head, “I just have to go.”

You moved as quickly as you could to get out of his apartment, only for him to follow you, until you lost him at the elevator.

‘I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.’

You choked on a sob and held back the tears threatening to spill.

Once the elevator door opened, you made your way through the lobby and outside, only to be stopped by Peter himself.

‘He is Spider-Man after all.’

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” He stated and put his hands on your shoulders, making sure you couldn’t go anywhere.

You let out a humourless laugh, “You’re not allowed to tell me to act like a good best friend.”

He stared at me in confusion, so you continued. ‘Fuck it.’

“I have spent years and years being there for you, being your best friend, and a damn good one, ‘cause I stayed because I knew you needed me even though it hurt ‘cause-” You shook your head and looked away from him for a moment before locking eyes again, “Because I stupidly fell in love with you.”

You felt his hands drop from your shoulders, “Y/N…”

You both stood there for what seemed like forever, not daring to look at each other.

“Y/N,” He paused, “I love you,” that made you look up and lock eyes,

“As my best friend.”

From there you felt your whole world collapse. Looks like you stayed because you needed him, not because he needed you.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic #peter parker angst #peter parker angst fanfiction #masterlist #tom holland x reader #tom holland #spider man: homecoming #spiderman #smol children

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