#tbh i really did want to avoid it
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If anyone is curious how seriously I take my archival efforts, or how much I've learned from/since 2022, behold my field guides for ONE show on ONE weekend:
This is gonna be the year I finally have enough footage of enough types to make a proper cinematic edit like I've wanted to since 2017.
#i might have been able to avoid this level of micro-managing my own filming if i hadn't missed two weekends#tbh i really did want to avoid it#i don't actually like having to fit an entire season's worth of different focuses within the space of two weekends#but just as i learned much from my efforts in 2022 that clearly shows in my 2023 footage#and learned much from my 2023 efforts that clearly shows in my 2024 footage#i've already learned even more from my efforts this season that i'll be able to apply next season#and that includes how to better avoid having to do these detailed field-guides#archiving parf#parf-fan archiving#parf-fan videos#(kinda)#parf tournament of arms#parf tournament of arms 2024#pennsylvania renaissance faire 2024#pa renaissance faire 2024#pa ren faire 2024#parf 2024#parf#pa ren faire#pa renaissance faire#pennsylvania renaissance faire
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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Hmmm....
Thematically i kind of liked that.
But man that plot was... not good.
#Doctor Who#DW Spoilers#Doctor Who Spoilers#Empire of Death#DW Negativity#(another rare tag in case anyone wants to avoid)#might be my least favourite finale tbh#sorry but need to do some random ranting (and I'd rather do it here than in a full post of negativity because that's not my vibe)#like... the champion of life teases#the meaning we put into things#those were ok#the callback to 73 yards was neat#plus the connection to the perception filter#as were all the references in general#but Sutekh has been hanging on to the TARDIS for that long?#and the TARDIS / House just never noticed him in TDW?#they make it sound like he latched onto the TARDIS immediately after Pyramids so doesn't make sense#when did he hide in the Void?#the Time Vortex is linked to the Void but they're not actually the same thing#also when did he “evolve”?#the reason why Ruby/her mother were so powerful/resistant doesn't actually make sense without some other influence#especially with time literally changing#there's a lot of mysteries in the universe - what makes this one so important?#also no elaboration on the memory TARDIS?#I thought we'd at least get a nod to Tales#also how does Sutekh being pulled through the vortex undo what he did?#since everyone actually seems to see the consequences / partially remember it - are there just piles of sand all through history now?#the TARDIS has some laser weapon system now!?#(come on RTD why not just make it the heart of the TARDIS or something?)#also the genealogy thing still doesn't really make sense either
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Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake finale spoilers without context
#all im gonna say is that if you know you know! lol#iykyk; not sure if I should tag this as spoilers or if this is incomprehensible enough to not need one 😂#you're welcome to take guesses on whats going on with adventure time fionna & cake if you want lol to avoid spoiling anyone though I'll#neither confirm nor deny your guesses lol#some of these are very specific references so I think i'll just post it lol#by the way; I'm counting episodes 9 and 10 as the finale since they dropped in pairs of 2!#all of this is seen in those two episodes though; in one way or another; you'll see if you haven't yet! plz go watch it on HBO Max!#boosted numbers & stuff could get us more adventure time spinoff series or even a F&C season 2 (though I don't think one is needed tbh)#I wouldn't be upset though if they somehow came up with more material to cover for a season 2; there are little loose ends left over#but I'm not sure it's really enough content for an entire 2nd season unless we're going to lava world; apocalypse world; tiny world; etc.#the lich could also come back for however many times he has if it's a different instance of him from across the multiverse; but idk#tried to get a little bit of everything in this post without giving it all away; hope I did okay in that regard!#if you can tell me the collegehumor reference without looking it up; you get a cookie! 🍪💜#mine#op#adventure time#fionna and cake#atimers#casper & nova#cheers
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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watched some of the available scenes on youtube but honestly forgot how often people commented to ku.ro about how 'normal' mahi.ru was for an eve which, at the beginning is rather easy to relate to mahi.ru's simple outlook of life but also equivalates to how, before this, ku.ros life has always been alongside other supernatural beings.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#the main scenes on there that arent chara compilations are ku.ro and mahi.ru meeting when hes in human mode and#meeting lawl.ess and lich.t#and hearing lawle.ss say ' but your so normal ' as opposed to simple is so ....#damn the more you know everyone!! he really DID nail the nail in ku.ros coffin#deserved. i admit- man was already raging over the reminder of that day and now is forcibly reminded of the other person he left ... 5#stages of grief here.#but tbh early series kur.o is such an avoidant he just stays silent. and unresponsive and when the rage seeps out still looks dead inside#i forgot how powerful lich.t was tbh guys :(#me after seeing him slam ku.ro 5 times: yeah there was a REASON you got taken out early king you would have had them all crushed in no time#anyway happy wednesday i am fueling myself for the penultimate sv chapter that comes out this friday#( but will probs arrive for our records like next week )#the ending is. most likely going to be rushed but with this chapter being 40 pages and them getting that extra volume. i hope theyre able t#tell all they need.#if this is the end of the battle. im gonna sob ... if theyre all back with their loved ones ... im also gonna sob.#we will. ultimately see though!#were getting two more colour page spreads and an update TOMORROW on a drama cd#which might mean more canon voices for some of the cast????#EXCITED EXCITED.#i will probs finish up gaming and then message some people tonight#we've started hitting the xmas rush ( ppl want their teeth before christmas ... )#so its been busier and busier !
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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I can't believe they killed off jenny lee's boyfriend wtf
#call the midwife#i really thought that they were gonna get married and all#like i just assumed they would. can't remember if they ever mentioned his surname but i guess it wasn't worth lol#i really don't know how i avoided spoilers for this lmao this must be an iconic british tv death#also guessing i don't need to tag as spoilers bc the episode is 10 years old lol#tbh it makes sense bc i guess jessica raine wanted to leave the show and the real jenny lee did leave midwifery#but still. weirdly tho i think this is the first episode i didn't cry at??? usually im bawling by the end. i was really just in denial tbh#i thought it was gonna be declared a mistake right up until the funeral scene lmao
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i dunno if this is like weird advice to give, but for anyone who is or has a partner/friend/etc. who's interested in a threesome (or more), you gotta make sure that everyone involved is emotionally ready for that. if you or someone else might get jealous, then just don't do it. don't lie and say you're ready just because you wanna make your partner happy, or because of peer pressure, or even just because you're attracted to someone involved, etc., if you're having any doubts at all then just say so. this is something you need to discuss thoroughly beforehand. jealousy or any other sort of emotional discomfort during group sex WILL negatively affect your relationship(s) with whoever's involved. if sex is an experience that's very important and personal to you and you're not ready to share that with someone other than your partner(s) then there's no shame in turning it down. a good partner wouldn't be upset by you setting boundaries. your comfort is more important than the opportunity to have a threesome
#sorry if this is too personal/tmi or whatever but i was just thinking about one of my exes and like#i asked her many times beforehand if she was okay with it. i really really wanted to make sure she was comfortable. she told me she was#but it still made her jealous and that did irreparable damage to our relationship. i could tell pretty quickly that it was a mistake#and yeah we don't talk anymore for mostly unrelated reasons (i unfortunately learned she wasn't a great person) but i still regret that#i could see after we broke up (which was mutual because we were....not as compatible as we thought. as mentioned above)#that she was always going out of her comfort zone to try to make me happy. and i genuinely feel bad about that. i would never ask for that#i wouldn't have been upset if she told me she wasn't sure about it because i don't wanna put anyone in an uncomfortable situation like that#anyway this was like. 9 or so years ago at this point. i still wanna apologize to her but i feel like it'd be weird to bring up y'know#but yeah i just want ppl to know this kinda stuff is avoidable if you have a truly honest discussion beforehand#and if there's any doubt at all then it's best to just not go through with it because your feelings could change at any moment tbh#but if you're all emotionally prepared then threesomes can be great ! exhausting but that's a given lmao
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i honest to god don’t know how I got Jess like I didn’t Do Anything. I wasn’t emotionally available I was and am a very awkward flirter I literally just live-blogged my multiple mental breakdowns and serial killer fantasies and the fuckin woman of my dreams just swooped in and decided to romance me like. who does that happen to
#tbh before Jess I used to avoid going to lesbian events unless i specifically wanted to get laid bc I Knew I would pick someone up#without trying bc all I know how to do is like stand there awkwardly and react and that was always confusing to me#but at least that made a little bit of sense bc I could put it down to being hot#and on tumblr you don’t really see that like she did not have that to go on#which is what I always wanted but like????? HOW#WHY#the red string of fate has to be real it’s the only explanation I can come up with
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i should've switched to writing original stuff ages ago bc i could've been overcoming writer's block if i did :' )
#connecting mine and vee's lore in written form is something i've wanted to do forever bc i love love love gaia and kaiya's relationship!!#but i had a mental block towards bio's for... man i dunno how long tbh#i always got really stuck with them which is why i started doing bullet points where i could jot down all my thoughts#but i should have just?? been unafraid to write lengthy bio's i think#and then i could've done fun stuff like this way earlier!! without feeling stuck and slow!!#like honestly i don't even care about the people who won't bother to read my bio's bc those probably aren't the people who will#end up writing with me#i always avoided lengthy bio's bc i didn't wanna inconvenience someone#but how is it inconveniencing if i'm trying to make something interesting and enjoyable to read?#how is it inconveniencing if i'm just?? writing about my muses?? it's silly to water down my creativity and i'm sorry i did it now#now pls know i can give you the tldr on any of my muses bio if you need it asdfgh but i'm gonna just!! do what's fun for me from now on#that's gonna be a very important rule i need to enforce for myself with this blog move#no more doing things that make it harder for myself bc i'm worried about other people#there needs to be a balance and that's what i'm gonna keep in mind going forward uvu#so sorry for the rant oh my gosh asdfgh i just got to thinking and truly my writer's block has not bothered me with dorverold stuff#like it has in the past for other things and i think it's how i've approached writing and world building aka not worrying about length#if i'm struggling it's because i'm tired or busy#ANYWAY ASDFG i promise i'm going to bed now :' ))) good night!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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screaming crying sobbing throwing up someone fed my art to ai :)
#im not taking it well and i think im getting worse so imma just go quietly to no posting and just mindless reblogging#and maybe just maybe i will somehow manage to go back to drawing that comic#i really want to but ugh the energy....#also im like 'wow i think im starting to finally like my art!' and then this guy sends me my ai generated art and its like#i just got kicked in my figurative balls while someone stabbed me with a fork and started twisting it like you do with spaghetti#im taking it worse than id like to admit tbh so yeah#might write a more elaborate post when i get myself together but tbh idk if i will because 1) who cares 2) nobody asked and#3) im perfectly aware im an oversharer oh and 4) whats the point its not like it will do anything except for causing more unnecessary drama#and boy there was so much drama in my life lately for example#me: quietly leaves a guild to avoid drama | guild: WHY DID YOU LEAVE TELL US NOW EYRIS WE THOUGHT WE WERE CHILL-#wow i guess i was in a tough spot if this bothers me so much huh...
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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so called 'free thinker' Jay haunted-mlm remembering the twelfth night retelling play hosted at a college about two at ''war'' holiday hotels and I think I saw it in highschool? possibly late primary school? and the count orsino was the most prettiest boy ever with white floppy hair and the most puppy-dog attitude ever. I think about him a lot.
#I wonder how he's doing now that I'm in college tbh#he was really goofy as orsino and smiled a lot.#I think this was like my first realised crush on someone way older than me tbh.#because GOD i remember walking out of that theatre room blushing and avoiding eye contact as it was a small play#and they were saying bye to all the kids out of the door but I could NOT face him-#i wanted to be Viola SO bad in some scenes-.#everyone was booing him and stuff in the play (yknow- Orsino kinda bad? ig??? not really?? idk man but they made us boo him-)#made me feel really sad and i just didn't even when the teachers nudged me. because why did i want to boo the pretty man??#the retelling was wild though they had beachballs ; fake sand and everything.#The whole thing was like- the brother missed the flight so the sister had to keep his room until he got there i think#but GODDD he was so pretty and thinking about him still gets me warm in the face right now. he was so outgoing and goofy#even if it was a character#he was kinda like that saying bye too and ough#goddd he was so s#rauugughgh#thinking about him. A LOT even though I only knew the character he played.#Ngl seeing any Orsino adaptation makes me think of him. and i get all fuzzy inside.
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synopsis. you’ve been deliberately dodging atsumu miya. he wants to know why.
pairing. atsumu miya x fem!reader | wc. 2.0k (it wasn’t even supposed to be this long) | genres. (implied) university au, tbh i don’t even know what this dynamic is, he calls us princess, reader’s kinda bad emotionally, rain confessions
notes. for my birthday (not gojo’s eff him (/j)) i decided why not take one of my favorite tropes of all time and pair it w the loml. you’re so welcome. this is very dialogue heavy, barely proofread, and a hot mess, but i hope you enjoy regardless.
"(y/n)." the very familiar, sultry yet aggravating voice says the moment you step out of the cafe.
"oh my god!" you jump, clutching a hand over your heart that skipped a beat. it's immediately followed with a glare towards atsumu. "what the fuck, miya? you don't just come up to people like that."
"sorry." atsumu apologizes but his nose scrunches at the word. "nah, not really. didn't know how else to get to ya."
"so you had to find me at my job?" you raise an eyebrow in disbelief.
he shrugs. "yer really not leavin' me with any other choice."
"what are you on about?" you roll your eyes as you take a sharp left, carefully exhaling out. the street is nearly deserted now that the sun sunk past the horizon, leaving only the street lights and the moon to illuminate what would be a pitch black scene. puddles of water are scattered along the walkways, remnants of the downpour that occurred earlier in the day. you had clocked out later than usual, and the next flash of rain is predicted to fall within the next few minutes. you want to get back to your dorm before the worst of it happens.
"ya know what i'm talking about." atsumu huffs. "yer clearly avoiding me."
your shoulders tense when he brings it up, and you pray that atsumu doesn't catch it. "i'm not." you lie, your heart speeding up.
"yer a shit liar. i hope ya know that." atsumu shuts you down right then and there. the fact he's able to makes you wince. that's one of the many bones you have to pick with him. he can always see right through you, and it allows him to get under your skin easily since he knows exactly what to say if he wants to get a reaction out of you.
it's because of that reason that you've been avoiding him. you know yourself well enough that if you were to stand face to face with atsumu miya as you are now, he'd figure out the secret that you've been hiding for two weeks.
atsumu presses his lips together, sighing once he realizes that all he'll get from you from this point forward is silence, but he tries his luck anywayy. "can we talk?"
you let his question fizzle out in the air, continuing down the sidewalk as atsumu follows by your side. the first drops of drizzle fall onto your hand and cheek. atsumu feels them too.
"look, it's gonna rain soon. could ya at least let me take ya home? yer gonna get soaked." atsumu gently reaches out for your hand. the sudden contact and its spark of heat makes you jump. instinctively, you yank your hand away from him. your widened eyes snap towards him, and shame washes over you. maybe the street lights are playing tricks on you, but you swear there's a flicker of hurt in his gaze. you turn away from him because you can't bear the sight of it.
"are ya mad at me? did i do somethin' to upset ya?" atsumu continues.
no, you answer in your head. you can't trust yourself to say it out loud without betraying anything else. it's not that.
"(y/n), please. talk to me." atsumu pleads. you don't think you've ever heard such desperation in his voice before. you've never seen him so raw. it's almost enough to break you, but you refuse to let go the threads of your resolve. the rain is picking up; it's cold as it soaks the threads of your clothes.
"princess." atsumu throws in as a last ditch effort. you know it is because it's the one nickname that gets you riled up the most. it sparks a reaction that atsumu knows will get you talking, but unbeknownst to him it's not for the reason he expects. he wants you to snap with anger, but all your heart does is ache. all it does is melt you into putty in his hands.
"don't call me that." you finally come to a stop, turning so that you can face him, defeat in your gaze. atsumu's blond locks are beginning to lose volume; they stick to his forehead as droplets continue to fall. his hoodie is littered with small, dark stains, a physical consequence of the rain.
"oh now i got yer attention." atsumu scoffs, poking his tongue into the inside of his cheek.
"miya." you warn, voice shaking. he ignores it.
"yer not being yerself, and ya haven't been for the last two weeks." he tells you as if you don't already recognize it yourself. "what's goin' on with ya?"
"nothing!" you deny. "i'm fine!"
atsumu rolls his eyes. "cut the crap, princess."
"seriously, stop calling me that!" you spit back at him.
you're shivering. you can't tell if it's because of your cold, wet clothes or your frustration that keeps reaching new levels. you can sense it; you can sense that your heart is about to claw itself out of chest and dump itself onto the feet of atsumu miya. your hand fists the fabric of your soaked shirt as if to keep it in.
"then tell me what's wrong!" the blond in front of you demands, running a hand through his hair. his voice projects over the brutal force of the rain.
you grimace. that's the one thing you can't do, especially since it involves him. you bite your tongue, hiding your face so that atsumu doesn't see the glassiness of your eyes. "miya... please drop it." you ask him pathetically.
"why?" he pries. this is the other issue with him. he's so damn stubborn to the point that it's infuriating. atsumu miya never backs down until he gets what he wants.
"because it's you!" the first wave of tears break free. they cascade down your cheeks, mixing in the stream of rain on your cheeks; all while your hand remains pointed at atsumu. "because i fell for you!"
atsumu shuts his mouth, going completely silent. you shake your head, laughing bitterly. "i bet you didn't expect that, did you? believe me, i didn't either. day in and day out all we've ever done was argue so i don't know how this happened. i don't know why i have these feelings for you."
wiping your face is a futile attempt yet you still do it anyway. a sob gets caught in your throat, and you choke on it. "i can't stop thinking about you. i can't be near you without my heart attempting to leap out of chest. and so yeah, i've been avoiding you miya, and it's because you've made me so damn weak."
your stare finds atsumu's. you can't get a read on him, but you don't have to second guess that he can see the pain swirling in your eyes. it's so humiliating that even now the first thing that crosses your mind is how good he looks even as you feel your heart being torn apart. his hair is completely stuck to his forehead. his blond ends that are soaked through and through drip their excess water onto his face. you want nothing more than to brush them out of his line of sight, but you can't. you fight that desire by balling up your fists.
"so please just leave me alone. stop trying to find me because i can't take this anymore." you beg through hiccups.
you wait for a response. you wait to see if atsumu will kick your heart aside. in an even better scenario, which is far from likely, he accepts it. you'll take either or.
but he does neither, and that's fine too. you leave atsumu by himself on the sidewalk, and your lack of presence pulls him out of his trance. he jogs to catch up to you, reaching from behind to clasp your hand in his.
"miya, let go-"
"no." he says firmly, a newfound fire burning behind his eyes, one that exceeds the one you feel on your hand. the sight makes you gulp. "ya can't just confess yer feelings for me and leave."
you chuckle weakly, trying to pull yourself free from his grasp. "i think i can."
"no, ya can't. ya didn't even give me a chance to say anythin'." atsumu argues. he doesn't relinquish the hold he has on you.
"what more do you have to say? you don't feel the same, and that's fine-"
"could ya stop assuming things?! i never even said that." atsumu squeezes your hand ever so lightly in frustration. "and by the way, i'm not gonna leave ya alone. i'll follow ya to the edge of the earth if i have to."
you're still crying at this point, and atsumu's words are only making you more upset. "why?! why are you so fixated on me?! why can't you just-"
"because i'm in love with ya!"
in that moment, you swear the rain stops in its place, suspended in the air. surely, you must've been hearing things wrong. atsumu miya, the guy who has everyone dancing to the tune of his hand, is- no that doesn't even sound right. how could he possibly-
"god, i've been in love with ya for so long." atsumu laughs, like it's a relief to finally get it off his chest. "but ya nearly ripped my heart to shreds over these past two weeks."
atsumu squeezes your hand before letting it fall to your side. his own flex by his side as if to hold himself back. "(y/n), ya can insult me to yer heart's content if that's what makes ya happy, but don't dodge me like i'm the damn plague. i hate it. i really do."
atsumu picks up his tear-filled eyes; it makes your own fall even faster because you realize that this hurts him. you want to apologize, but the words are backed up in your throat. your cries steal away your ability to speak.
so you pull him in, yanking him by the drenched fabric of his hoodie and closing the distance between you two. your lips crash onto his, praying that this action is enough for him to understand. it takes a moment for atsumu to react, he's unmoving against you, and once he realizes what's happening, he relaxes. his hands fly to your neck, resting one on either side as he kisses you back.
it's carnivorous. he kisses you like he's been deprived of you. you feel how badly atsumu's been wanting this, how long he's been waiting for this day. you can barely keep up with his hunger. it's hot enough to overpower the chill that comes with the rain beating down on both of you. you'd kiss him forever if you could, but your lungs are begging for air.
when you pull away, atsumu's eyes reveal that he's in a daze, a happy one, like he just came back from soaring through the clouds. his damp hair presses onto your forehead as you both catch your breaths.
he pulls back. atsumu wears a soft grin as he admires you, even though you probably look like a wet dog. one of his hands find their way up to your cheek. you look at him expectantly. "(y/n), i want all of ya. i want yer stubborn ass attitude and yer insults. i want ya to be the only person who can bring me back down to earth. i want yer smiles and all yer laughs. i want to continue lovin' ya." he professes with complete certainty. his flowery words make you beam so brightly that it makes your cheeks hurt.
"i'll give you all of that and more." you swear. "but miya, i need you to kiss me again."
"oh? it seems like i got myself a needy princess." atsumu smirks, but he's already leaning in.
"shut up."
"gladly." atsumu agrees, pressing his lips to yours, smiles on both your faces.
you catch the flu the day after, and so does atsumu. but man, it is so, so worth it.
#anime#manga#haikyuu#hq#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#hq fluff#hq angst#atsumu miya#atsumu x reader#atsumu fluff#atsumu angst#⭑ — fics ⭑.ᐟ♡#♡ — hq#♡ — tsumu
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Who knew practicing your makeup skills on Lando and Oscar would lead to this.
Vaguely based on the time I did my ex's makeup and we got unbearably horny because of it
Warnings: filth, absolute filth, smut, threesome, spit, PinV sex, PinA sex, double penetration, the inherent eroticism of doing someone's makeup, the inherent eroticism of landoscar in the same room, Landoscar being kinky little fuckers. I'd say pwp but tbh the plot is like 3 sentences.
You'd spent two years being a makeup artist on the formula 1 media team. Which was great, it payed well, you'd made some great friends, you traveled all over the place. It was a lot of people's dream job, really.
But you had to admit you were getting bored of covering zits and five o’clock shadows all the time (and hickeys but shhhhhh) and you were hoping for a bit of a change of routine.
That change came in the form of an offer to become the official f1 Academy makeup artist.
Sure it wasn't exactly Cirque du Soleil but at least you'd get to do a bit more than just pandering to male egos.
So before the end of the season, you thought you'd get a bit of practice in by doing some of your friends makeup.
The problem was the only friends you had access to while traveling were formula one drivers, or in other words, men.
So you roped your two best friends in the paddock Lando and Oscar into letting you do their makeup one afternoon, in the comfort of their motorhome bathroom, where the lighting was best, and the presence of a sink was convenient.
You grabbed a chair from the other room, which happened to be quite large, so it took up most of the space in the bathroom.
You did Oscar's eyes first, that way you could alternate between the two so they wouldn't have to stay still for too long.
You instructed Oscar to close his eyes, then you stepped closer, shaking the tube to get the liquid flowing.
Having Oscar under you, so pliant and at your mercy with his eyes closed sent a shiver up your spine and you hesitated for a second, you mind conjuring up other scenarios where you two could be in this position. Then you quickly came to your senses and eagerly applied the black liquid in a sharp wing.
The angle was a bit weird but you got through it, and when he opened his eyes to look at you, your breath caught in your throat. He was beautiful. Not in a particularly feminine way but it really fucking suited him, it made his deep brown eyes stand out. You were almost jealous.
Then it was Lando's turn. They swapped places, Lando settling on the chair while Oscar sat on the floor.
You uncapped the lid and went to start Lando's liner, but the angle was even worse due to their slight height difference.
You huffed. “Hang on I need to get closer, this is killing my wrist.” You thought for a second. “Can I sit on your lap? I promise it'll be quick”
Lando’s eyes widened a fraction but he nodded and you straddled his thighs, your legs on either side of his.
Plot twist, it was not quick. He couldn't keep still long enough and you kept having to stop to let him scratch his nose, beard, neck, etc…
You got a bit frustrated at his fidgeting so you grabbed his jaw, perhaps a bit harder than intended, and held him in place.
“Stop moving!” you ordered, and he became weirdly stock still suddenly.
In your concentration you didn't notice how close your face had gotten to his, and how his pupils dilated more and more, the closer you got.
You shifted on his lap as you tried to get the right angle to do the last part, but you must have hurt him because he gasped and scrunched his eyebrows together as his hands flew to your hips to stop you from moving.
“Shit, you ok? Did I hurt you?”
“Nope, no it's fine just…” he exhaled shakily “just don't move around too much” he gulped as he avoided eye contact. His breathing had picked up a bit and you didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable so you hurried the rest. But you had to admit, sitting on Lando's lap with his hands squeezing your hips was making you hot, and slightly dizzy.
Oscar was looking curiously at the interaction from the floor, eyes darting from your faces only a few inches apart, to where Lando’s leg was starting to twitch, to his hands on the meat of your hips, to the way your fingers were digging into his jaw to keep him still.
You managed to finish quickly, and as you got off him you noticed the mirror was starting to steam up a little bit. What you didn't see was the way Lando adjusted his pants before getting up to let Oscar have his turn.
“Holy shit, mate. It looks really good on you” Oscar was almost in awe as he got up, now slightly higher than eye level with Lando.
The two of them sort of stood there looking at each other’s eyes with an intensity you'd never seen in them before, then seemingly remembered where they were before clearing their throats and shuffling around awkwardly to switch places.
"You wanna..."
"Yeah, thanks"
You took the lipstick out of your bag, applying a bit to a brush before grabbing Oscar's jaw the same way you had Lando’s, and tilting his face upwards. His hand naturally came to rest on your waist as you sat down on him, you didn't mind. He swallowed and the movement of his adam's apple caught your eye.
“You okay?” you whispered, looking into his eyes from above.
“Yeah” he replied, the deafening silence that followed almost overwhelmed you so you quickly started swiping the brush over his bottom lip.
You took the liberty of using your thumb to wipe some excess off, and it grazed Oscar's tongue.
He gasped and you swore, about to apologise, but when you looked at his eyes you were shocked to find them closed, as Oscar opened his mouth just a fraction more, inviting.
When you didn't say anything or move for several seconds, he looked up at you through lidded eyes and you understood. He was turned on.
You didn't dare move. You glanced at his lips then back up to his eyes and he did the same.
“Oscar…” You breathed out, barely even loud enough to be considered a whisper.
In guise of a response, he pressed your hips down and rolled his upwards, and the groan he let out was almost akin to whimper. He was so hard you could feel him through all the layers.
You chanced a glance down to where Lando was sitting and the look that met yours was overwhelming. He looked like a siren, painted eyes also lidded as he looked at you and Oscar, mouth hanging half open as his hand palmed his obvious erection through his joggers.
“You two are so fucking hot” he whispered, and you looked back at the man you were currently grinding on. Oscar looked so fucked out you might have blacked out for a second, dropping the makeup brush on the counter and grabbing Oscar by the hair to pull his head back ever further, exposing his neck. You trailed kisses along his jaw before settling below his ear to bite at it lightly.
“You want to fuck me, Osc? Give this little freak a show, huh?” You ground your hips down harder and he groaned out a curse at the ceiling before sliding a hand around your neck to close the gap between you.
His lips were slippery thanks to the half-applied lipstick, but he made up for it by sucking your bottom lip into his mouth and your hips stuttered against his as you felt Lando's hands start to work at your clothes…
You weren't sure when the plan changed, but you found yourself riding Lando instead of Oscar on the chair, while Oscar guided your hips at a leisurely pace as he sloppily made out with Lando over your shoulder.
You haven't truly lived until you've witnessed that.
Suddenly Oscar had a thought and slowed your hips down to a slow grind. You were sweaty and your legs were aching so you were thankful for the break.
“Can you take us both?” Oscar asked.
You and Lando froze. You frowned at each other.
“What?”
“Do you think” he started, trailing sloppy kisses down your back, hands going lower and lower. “you can take us both?”
“As in…?” you trailed off as he got to the dip in your lower back.
“As in both of us…” his hands came down to spread your ass as he kissed the end of your tail bone. “… at the same time.” His thumb stroked over your rim and you shuddered in Lando's embrace.
“I've never done that before” but you could feel yourself getting wetter at the prospect.
“Do you want to try it?” Oscar asked, still level with where you and Lando were joined.
You didn't take much convincing, and as soon as he had your consent, Oscar surged forward and licked a stripe from where you were split open by Lando, up to where his last kiss had landed.
You moaned as he spread you open and and spat straight onto your puckered hole, watching his spit slide down your skin to Lando's cock inside you. Lando swore as you tightened around him and pulled out so that he wouldn't come too soon. You took the opportunity to arch your back, presenting yourself to Oscar as Lando stroked your hair and kissed you sweetly.
Oscar wasted no time, he dived in with expert precision, stretching you out with his tongue, then a finger, then two, dipping them in your cunt first to get them nice and wet.
Soon enough you were panting into Lando's chest and dripping over his thighs, overwhelmed by the new sensations taking over your body. When Oscar got to four fingers he pulled out and gave your ass a quick spank before dipping his cock into your wet folds once.
When his tip breached your rim, he stopped to let you adjust for a second, before continuing to slide into you slowly.
The drag of his cock inside you was unlike anything you'd ever felt before, and you felt like you were going to come any second, just from that.
Lando chose that moment to slide back into you, slightly less on the edge than before, but as soon as he was fully inside and nudged your g-spot you came with a shout as your body clamped down on the two cocks inside of you. The feeling so intense you swore you could see colours burst beneath your eyelids as the waves crashed over you and wetness dripped between the three of you.
Oscar groaned as he realised you were squirting, probably also for the first time.
Lando couldn't help himself, his hips moved of their own accord as he chased his high, and the stream just kept flowing as Oscar followed his lead, both men incredibly close to orgasm themselves.
The feeling of the two of them filling you up with their cum was peculiar but indescribably erotic as you came down from your high with them.
Turns out the worst part of aftercare with Lando and Oscar, was having to instruct them on how to remove their (now slightly smudged) makeup.
Your legs were too unstable to move so you barked orders at them in the bathroom until they were done. Then they came to bed and lay on either side of you, hands wandering over each others bodies as the three of you drifted into bliss
Looks like your days of covering hickeys weren't quite finished yet.
#my thots#lando thots#oscar thots#lando norris#oscar piastri#landoscar#lando norris smut#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri smut#oscar piastri x reader#f1#formula 1#ln4#op81
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