#tbh i hardly talk to anyone because it's hard for me to get people to talk to me????

[abbyshands]

More Jealous Dom Abby Please 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

jealous!abby headcanons

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

a/n; well—ask and you shall receive! these are kinda jealous, kinda possessive, but i hope they suffice anyway <3 also this is my kinda my first time doing headcanons so if they suck. . .no they don’t!

pairing; dom!abby anderson x sub!fem!reader

warnings; most of this is smut, some is just plain jealousy/possessiveness lol, use of a strap-on is heavily implied, cunnilingus, just dom abby doing dom abby things tbh, abby uses love/baby

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

✮ jealous!abby who will give you her jacket if you’re showing a little too much skin. it could be a tank top, skirt, dress, short bottoms; it doesn’t really matter. what does is that you’re showing yourself off to the world, when it’s a view only she should get to see. she’ll wrap her jacket around your waist, or make you put it on, and when you pout in response, she’ll yank you in closer by your hips, hands roaming down to your ass. “don’t look at me like that, baby. you know i don’t like people seeing what’s mine.”

✮ jealous!abby who will let anyone know she’s yours even if she doesn’t have to. every single party you go to in the wlf, you have to sit on abby’s lap or beside her, her arms wrapped around your waist, not allowing you to leave, not that you’d want to. you’re usually wearing a short dress that she’ll glare at anyone for looking at the wrong way, blood boiling when anyone but her pays you more attention than they should be. once, a girl told you how gorgeous you were hardly half an hour into the party, and abby was dragging you away quickly. “we’re leaving,” she growled, and you had no choice but to respond. as soon as you got back to her room, your lips were being pounded by her cock.

✮ jealous!abby who has to work her feelings out at the gym from time to time because she would do things for you that she shouldn’t. she comes into the gym pissed, and fucks up her usual weekly schedule and just does what feels good in the moment. moves from bench presses, to back squats, to regular lifting. but her preference is always the punching bag when she’s pissed.

✮ jealous!abby whose feelings of jealousy always end in aggressive, dominant sex. she has the urge to let you know that you’re hers each time someone makes any sort of pass at you. she’ll take you from behind, hand gripped in your hair as she pounds into you from the back. “good fucking girl,” she’ll groan as she slaps you on the ass a few times, getting you to easily moan her name as she breaks you. “no one else can fuck like me, right? s’just my cock you want?”

✮ jealous!abby whose feelings of jealousy can also end in cunnilingus, her receiving. she still manages to find a way to be forceful even when she’s on the receiving end. she’ll wrap her legs around your head, forcing you to dive deeper and deeper into her swollen pussy, making it hard for you to take oxygen. “so pussydrunk f’me, love,” she groans in a jeering tone of voice as she grinds onto your face, pressing her clit onto your tongue. “fuuuck, just like that, baby,” + “is it too much, baby? mmm, well, too bad.”

✮ jealous!abby who decked a guy across the face once for moving his hand too close to you, assuming he was going to lay his hands on you. turns out, the guy was just going to talk to you about an upcoming assignment, but abby didn’t give him enough time before blood was spilling from his nose. she argued with you afterwards that she didn’t have jealousy issues, because, in her defense, “he made a jab at me first!”

✮ jealous!abby who hates when girls, and guys, look at you when you wear those leggings in the gym that clearly define your body. it’s a wonder she hasn’t cussed anyone out. “what? move along,” she’ll say in a firm tone of voice to anyone who moves too close to you when you’re doings your sets, gawking. “she’s mine,” and “fucking go somewhere else,” are also things she has said, and will say again if necessary!

✮ jealous!abby who makes it unlikely that anyone will come up to you, because everyone knows you’re hers. if there’s a newcomer in the wlf who’s crushing on you, someone else will fill them in on why they shouldn’t pursue you. and if anyone comes too close, abby will give them a glare, a reminder, that you’re taken.

✮ jealous!abby whose friends accused her of being jealous, to which she heavily denied. it was her, manny, jordan, and leah, drinking in abby’s room. when you came up, manny was the first to bring abby’s jealousy to the discussion as well. “i don’t—i don’t have jealousy issues. i don’t get jealous,” abby said as she took a swig from her glass, but everyone in that room knew she did, and she knew she did, too. “yeah, right. cause you yelling at that one guy over him looking at her ‘the wrong way’ isn’t jealousy,” jordan laughed. “it’s not. just—he was,” abby grumbled.

✮ jealous!abby who took her jealousy up with issac when she found out you would be on assignment with some other girl, alone. she had a million things to do in the wlf and an upcoming mission of her own: but you always came before. when she told you she would now be coming with you on your mission, you just had to laugh. “you just don’t want me alone with someone that’s not you,” you smiled. abby leaned in close to you—you were in her room—and grabbed you by the hips, pulling you closer to her on the bed. “so what if i don’t? i told you you’re mine.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

reblogs are very much welcomed <3

———

[edenfenixblogs]

I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.

If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.”

I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”

Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.

I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”

But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.

Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.

But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.

Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”

They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”

Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.

But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.

I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.

I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know” and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.

What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.

That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.

But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.

Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.

Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.

[ikamigami]

At this point I'm just screaming at sun to just get out of there like pull a ruin or eclipse and just leave or at least run away to find himself like his only support is solar and kind of Earth (idk how to put it but something about recent episodes about her reaction to nexus and sun rubbed me the wrong way) and honestly everyone else hasn't given him anything like I feel like if he doesn't get away something even worse is going to happen to him

To be honest with you.. if Sun really has psychotic depression then things aren't looking good..

He most likely has an episode already though it's hard to say when it exactly starts..

They should keep a better eye on him cause even though he doesn't seem to have energy to do something that may harm him he also shows signs of agitation like when he was talking with Jack..

Though he definitely shouldn't go anywhere on his own..

As much as running away and finding a better place may sound promising.. it's actually a bad idea..

Because who knows what he could do in such a state.. or someone could take advantage of it and take him away..

I know that VAs won't do anything drastic.. but at the same time idk.. Moon and Nexus and Solar and Eclipse were time and time again doing things that could end up very badly for them..

I know that they won't show Sun killing himself..

But there's a lot of things that Sun still could do..

I only understand that people are less concerned for Sun because they don't agree with me that he has psychotic depression..

But just please don't come at me to lecture me about this disorder..

I'm not directing it at anyone particularly.. I'm talking in general..

Minor edit: Like if you very disagree (idk why i wrote hardly bxbxbxbbx) with me just don't interact with my posts and that's it..

Though Sun still can try to run away.. like who knows what will come to his mind in such a state and with others not paying much attention to him.. he may just really run away..

But then it's more likely that something bad will happen to him.. unless you like angst, dear anon, it's better if Sun didn't try to run away..

Though yeah something still may happen if no one will pay attention to him..

But unless someone will take him.. though who?

If Atlas then it'll definitely end badly..

But maybe Eclipse? I'd love if that happened ^^ but I doubt that they'll do that 😅

About Earth though.. tbh I think that I get what you mean..

I think that despite how much she cares and tries to support him.. she doesn't know what to do..

She doesn't know how to really help him.. I had this feeling for a really long time..

Though I might be wrong and it just looks like that..

Also because if you run away you have to have a plan.. you have to know where to run to..

Especially when you're in such poor mental state..

It's just too dangerous for Sun to run away from his family without any true direction.. cause it's like a recipe for disaster..

And I really hope that Solar is keeping a closer eye on Sun..

[gurenismywaifu]

Is Guren a narcissist?

Lately I dislike Kagami's portrayal of Guren as much as the next person and tbh there's absolutely no way you can make me think he's an innocent victim or a tragic hero we should root for (though I still do root for him cause he's just pathetic and gay I love him). However, the amount of times i've seen both the hispanic and english fandom call him a narcissist is kinda surprising 👀 Now the question is...

So since I'm petty and I like analysing useless stuff, let's take a look at Guren's behavior and at what makes a narcissist to try to give a more elaborate answer. I'll give as a disclaimer that I don't intend to attack anyone or force anyone to like Guren with this post, I'm just a psychology student currently investigating personality disorders and I thought this take would be fun to share.

Also, english is not my main language so do feel free to point out if you see I make any mistake so I can correct it, please ;u;

So for starts, if we're talking about the reasons for why people use to call him a narcissist I believe that pointing out his behavior towards Yuu is a very fair argument, especially his behavior towards Yuu at the beginning of the manga. Guren expresses himself with superiority, these airs and graces and apparent laziness and lack of thoughtfulness. However I believe that if you know how the story in the light novels go and even more if you've read them, you'll realize that all this "I'm your saviour, your god, you owe me your life, blah, blah, blah" crap that Guren tells to Yuu is a way of imposing authority and exerting some kind of control over him.

Guren needed to exert this control and authority as a way to protect himself, his subordinates and his investigations from the JIDA higher-ups, but also to keep Yuu at bay, not only because he was a part of Guren's experiments but also because Yuu used to be a very asocial and volatile kid when Guren took him under his wing. Having an angry kid acting impulsively at his leisure all around the JIDA was not convenient for Guren or for anyone, honestly.

And yes, I'm not gonna deny that Guren is kind of a jerk, but that has more to do with his personality and his sense of humor than with being a narcissist. He's sarcastic, super hard-headed, quite blunt and may come off as conceited, but he's actually extremely aware of all of his mistakes and shortcomings. He recognizes that he is not the smartest or the strongest out there, he knows how powerless he is in the grand scheme of things and most importantly, he recognizes his mistakes and is absolutely willing to take his share of the blame for it.

Sure, he knows that he is a strong individual but that's because he's worked towards the objective of "being strong" his entire life, he's cultivated perseverance and done sacrifices in order to achieve that strength, and while he does like to show off sometimes, recognizing one's merits and being aware of your capacities is hardly the same as having delusions of grandeur. Plus, his motivations are very much oriented to help others, protect others; and although Guren used to have a very strong sense of self-preservation, after the catastrophe he decides to let go of it if it means that it will help him to achieve those goals of keeping his loved ones safe. He starts doing what he 'has' to do rather than whe he wants to do.

After Nagoya's Arc, the shameless and overbearing side of Guren's behavior gets toned down. He becomes more serious, he doesn't play and makes jokes as often and he also stops trying to impose himself to Yuu in the same way as before. There's no need of that superiority facade anymore after all the things that came to light and now that the JIDA poses less of a threat and that Yuu has become less of a subordinate and more of a collaborator, exerting the same authority as before is just not necessary.

And now that we're referring to Yuu, we also gotta point out that a narcissist lacks empathy and doesn't go out of his way to try to help or benefit other people, but Guren does feel affection towards Yuu. When Yuu came to him as a child full of rage, resentment, guilt and lust for revenge, Guren genuinely empathized with him, he took care of Yuu, tried to teach him what he knew and he pushed him to build a support network with his classmates when he didn't really had to do all that. He could've simply taken advantage of Yuu's grief and solitude to control everything about him and force him to collaborate, but he didn't. Even when doing that would've been the best and most practical option for Guren's purposes, he still decided against isolating Yuu. Plus a narcissist wouldn't be capable of the affection and compassion that Guren feels for Yuu. And it is also made clear that Guren does not enjoy using Yuu or hurting him, but Shinya and his squad are Guren's priority, putting his options in a balance, he knows that he has no choice but to keep using Yuu to make his plan work. And it IS selfish and cruel and abusive, we're not going to deny that, but arguing that he doesn't care about Yuu or anyone else but himself is a pretty reductionist (and tbh also incorrect) statement.

Now, let's take a look at Shinya's opinion about Guren, taking into account that Shinya is probably the person who knows Guren the best out of all of the Catastrophe at 16 cast and probably all of OnS.

First of all we have this scene during the Nagoya Arc in which Shinya shows concern about Guren cause he knows that Guren suffers when people die and that he's not good at handling that.

Guren cares about his subordinates, he is saddened by the death of his soldiers and during this arc, he even makes the rather emotional choice of going straight into a trap in order to save other soldiers that Crowley is holding as hostages, even when Mito and Shinya warn him that they shouldn't do it cause it is clearly a trap.

I know there's a lot of material that I'm not covering, but for the sake of not making this post longer than it already is, let's go ahead and just check some of the behavioural criteria that a person has to meet to be diagnosed/classified as a Narcissist; of course, taking into consideration that meeting one or two criteria isn't enough cause it is very likely that everyone will present some of these criteria some times throughout our lives. For a person to be considered a narcissist they must meet various criteria which manifest constantly in various different contexts of their life for most of the time. Some of the criteria include:

•A grandiose sense of self-importance, being it fantasies or behaviors and the expectation to be recognized as superior without real reasons.

In Guren's case, he's not really the type that brags about his deeds or that goes about life expecting people to praise him, specially when there's no reason. The only times one could say that he sort of acts this way is in his interactions with Yuu in the early chapters.

•A narcissist is very often preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Although Guren, does desire power and recognition, he is aware of all he's lacking and beats himself up because of all these things that he knows he isn't good enough to achieve. We can also notice that ultimately, his desire for power originates from his desire to keep his loved ones safe.

•A narcissist believes that they are “special” and unique and they only want to associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

In Guren's case, he knows that he kinda sucks. A lot of the people around him belong to a higher status, have a higher military position or are better than him in one way or the other. What Guren does is working towards his betterment. He doesn't believe he's special, in the novels, he even seems to be a bit ashamed about the subordinates in the Ichinose manor thinking that he is a prodigy. We also have that although it is obvious that Guren regards his squad as the most important people to him, and is willing to commit atrocities and become very self-sacrificial for them it is not because 'they are the best' or because they have a high status that Guren's ego can feed on, but just because he loves them.

•A narcissist has an excessive need for admiration

Guren is indeed an admired character, however he doesn't "need" to be admired. Even before the apocalypse, the motive behind his goal was not to be admired but bring respect and dignity to his beaten up clan. He's had plenty of chances to show off, but he just doesn't really needs to be admired for that.

•A narcissist exploits their interpersonal relationships for their own benefit.

This point is a bit tricky cause Guren is undeniably using Yuu and he had the same intentions with Kimizuki and Yoichi to achieve his goals. However, besides from knowing that Guren would not be doing this if there was another way, when we take a look at the rest of his interpersonal relationships, specially with his squad, being exploitative of their relationship for his own benefit is just not there.

Some other criteria include an excessive sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, constant envy and the belief that others are envious of them, and haughty behaviors, all of which we already tackled before.

So, taking everything in consideration, we come to the conclusion that although Guren has displayed some narcissistic attitudes, overall he does not fit the profile, therefore, Guren is not a narcissist.

This of course doesn't mean that we have to condone all the bad things he's done, but rather may help us gain a bit more insight into Guren's character. Exploring his relationship's dynamics, and other mental health conditions which's profiles he may fit would be fun as well. He is indeed a very flawed character, and maybe that's what makes him interesting.

And that's it, if you read the whole thing, thank you for sticking till the end :) If you enjoyed this do let me know and in the future maybe we can tackle some other ons characters and their issues from a clinical perspective, I would also love to know your opinion on this if you have one or for you to point out any contradictions, mistakes or important things I may have missed to make this post better. Thanks for reading ♡. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

[whole-bunch-of-hcs]

Family HCs

I'm having Family Angst atm so we're writing about Coop and Remer's families (or rather the versions of their families I invented to project Issues onto lmao)

Coop

He seems 'parents are divorced' to me

His dad is nominally around but in actuality he only shows up on the odd holiday or birthday to ruin everyone's day and then split again

Once or twice he'll even stick around for a full day to a week, promising "this time it's for good, I'm gonna do it right Joey I promise." But it never lasts.

And his mom raised him with the help of his grandparents and an aunt/uncle so he was hardly starved for love or attention right?

And yet he still felt painfully lost growing up

Having even one person just completely Not Care about your existence when you're that young and vulnerable really fucks with you.

He loves his mom, his grandparents are cool and all (though he's definitely had his issues with all of them at some point). He routinely decides he hates his dad, he misses his dad, his dad was doing his best and he should be a little more forgiving, nevermind his dad is a piece of shit

Remer has been a big help in all this through the years to a point that Coop can't imagine having done this without him, and can't imagine anyone else knowing all of it.

Coop and his grandfather were really close growing up. They watched games together and all that.

Coop probably knows how to do small 'grandma task' type things like mend a small rip or something.

Just in general, big 'my grandparents were an important part of my childhood' vibes

Once when his dad was around, he took Coop and Remer to the game where he caught that ball and started the whole thing.

Coop's mom is a terrible cook. That's why that psyche-out didn't work, it's just kinda true and he knows it. Insult his uncle's cooking on the other hand? Excuse me? That man was the only reason he didn't live off of McDonald's growing up, you take that shit back

As an adult, Coop talks to his mom a lot and goes home for alternating holidays etc. His dad sometimes shows up to ask for money (especially now that he's a sports star) but other than that... they don't talk much.

Remer

His parents are NOT divorced. But tbh they should be.

His mom's not super loud or controlling or anything but she IS hard to get along with. She pretty much only likes Remer.

His dad's more silent about his loathing of all other people (except Remer) but it's definitely there.

Basically his parents like him a whole lot but more or less nothing and no one else which put a lot of pressure on Remer to earn his 'only good person' title but other than that he's fine.

He hates how they can't be in the same room for more than five minutes without his mother deciding not to talk to anyone anymore and his dad blaming random faults on her but whatever. At least they both exist.

He lived like a child of divorce: only hanging out with one of them at a time, constantly reassuring them he didn't love the other more, etc. Only they were 'together.'

He wasn't really in conflict with either of them but it was still a pretty tense environment so he usually just hung out on his own.

He doesn't want to get married because he's only ever seen it work out with one of them splitting randomly or them both hating each other.

His parents are both only children and his dad's parents hate his mom and his mom's parents hate his dad's parents so his family always felt even smaller than it was because none of them could ever be in the same room together.

His mom also probably hated all his girlfriends. (Also I have this hc that Coop's dad slept with one of Coop or Remer's gfs at one point shortly after Baseketball took off and it was a whole ordeal and almost caused a scandal)

His dad hates Coop and it drives Remer nuts. Like the only real fight he ever has with his dad is the 'what is your issue with Coop' fight.

There were a lot of times when Remer was like 'oh this is gonna be it for sure they're totally done' but they just didn't get divorced or even separate for more than like a week and he was losing it

As an adult he literally could not care less. He sees them Enough and that's as far as that line of thinking goes.

[capitano-marina]

As usual, now that the season is over/as all good traditions hardly come to an end, here's my thoughts/post (call it however you want) about this season

1. Maya DeLuca Bishop

Oh Maya my sweet Maya I absolutely loved the character growth she went through this season, as much as it pained me to see all the negative things said about her and the zero empathy at times to what she was going through. Her demotion was not fair and will always not be fair and i get the need to make other characters look great but it was to the point of being annoying. Her apology to Ross felt wrong (i get that she needed to apologise for the blackmail) but chief Ross clearly hates her even Maya knows this and she drove her to her breaking point with Beckett treating her bad, that’s some very twisted way for revenge, and the way absolutely no one even apologised for the way they treated Maya for months or even someone tried to stop it but instead we got people making fun of her and not welcome her back the proper way!

One thing is for sure and will always be Maya will always choose her wife and will always have heart eyes for her.

2. Carina DeLuca Bishop

The sad reality that we all should accept by now that Carina in this show will be Maya’s wife and nothing more yeah she will have her moments with Vic, Ben and the rest but it will always be For Maya’s storyline, I guess this what makes it hard for fans with certain lines being said you feel the need to pick a side when both sides feelings and emotions are valid but when only one side shown on TV it becomes a war between fans that only love/respect/understand (call it whatever you want) one half of the ship.

Glad Carina now knows she is Maya’s number one priority 🥹 and yes she will also always have heart eyes for her wife.

3. Marina my beloved

I am no fan of angst and will never be specially knowing the shows won’t give as much as i want, yes we had good moments between the bathroom scene, shower scene and all in between the sweet and not so sweet moments it was still missing lots of things, my favourite TV wives don’t get as much as they deserve and i am learning to accept that (not really). At this point i am just glad they are back together because I really didn’t see us getting them back maybe that was just the effect of the drama/angst.

4. The rest

Vic needs to leave Theo, the mayor storyline wasted so much time and no one really asked for it or even enjoyed it, couldn’t care less about this captain storyline that’s been going on since the show started, one character is gonna take it and we all know it will always end like that so why drag it out so much when none of us care! (Captain Maya Bishop forever tho), don’t even get me started on Ross double standards.

I know fans want more action and calls to be added like other wee woo shows but I honestly don’t want it, i like the “family” vibe that is going on here because more action less focus on the personal stories that are imo more important than a good call.

5. Episode 18

That was way better than expected tbh. Hot,sexy and the most beautiful wives there is, find it hard to believe that Carina doesn’t have a dress, but they looked amazing so not complaining, them talking about plans for the baby is what i needed to hear, that baby they delivered might be adopted or maybe not I still want Carina to get pregnant because that’s what she wants so s19 please at least give her that!. Captain Andy about damn time now we can move on 🤞🏻, Glad to not be part of any cliffhangers my heart can’t handle it at all.

6. D&S

I am forever in awe for their talent and love to this ship without them so many little moments would go unnoticed because let’s be honest here they don’t give them as much as they deserve storyline wise for whatever reason there is. We as fans notice and want things to the point of being delusional (we all been there) and we give the show more credit than they give to the TV wives (no disrespect to anyone) so yeah it hurts when fandom theories are really good and make sense but you don’t see it on screen.

Thanks Danielle and Stefania for being the captains of the ship and adding your little touches here and there you will always shine even in the background.

Until next season ❤️

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey, can I get some positivity please?

I feel like a work in progress but also so old. I am 24 and I feel I have the issues of a teenager. You know, most people get their first mental illness signs as a teenager, get therapy and get their life together while still teenagers. They still become ordinary adults. I showed signs of mental illness so young but wasn't allowed to visit a therapist. I still have the same issues I had when I was 14. All my friends from that time overcame them and are ordinary adults now. I am still a work in progress. And so old, I mean, if you want to be something special in this world you have to start at 4 years old. I wanted to be something special too but probably will never be. I can so hardly imagine a future different from the present, because all my conscious life I was mentally ill. I have no hope it can be better because I can't imagine something else.

I don't know what this was. Just... I feel way too old for my own issues, you know? Get anxious when people yell at me, have troubles getting out of bed, don't know how to talk to adults, what am I, 14?? Sometimes it feels like that. It feels pathetic to be still that broken at my age.

Hey there,

It's okay to be a work in progress. Many people in their 40s, 60s, even 80s still feel they are a work in progress. I promise you: you are not behind in life. While you're right that many teenagers struggle with mental illness, that doesn't mean that you are wrong or behind if you're also struggling. Mental illness doesn't care how old you are, and anyone of any age can be affected by it. In fact, young adults (18-25) are the group most likely to experience mental illness with 30%. You're still very much in that young adult range. (source). I hope that helps a bit. Know that you are not alone and that there are people twice your age who are struggling as well. You have time and you have a life worth living.

I totally get that it feels too late. We hear about prodigies playing instruments and doing physics at like 8 years old, but those people are very much the exception. Also, those people often also struggle mentally because they feel they are only worthy for their talent and that they have piqued. The vast majority of people will not be spectacular, and that's okay. We still have worthy lives and experiences.

It's so, so hard to have perspective when you're in it. Our brains are so good at being negative and inviting hopelessness in. But they are also so changeable and you have the ability to feel hopeful and proud of yourself and your life. You are incredibly young, by most perspectives, tbh. I know it's difficult to believe, and you are absolutely allowed to be angry or upset or any feeling about how you didn't get the help you needed as a teenager.

Hope and imagination are scary. And when you've only known mental illness and hopelessness, it's incredibly challenging to let yourself even open the door of optimism and the future a tiny crack. Like most things, having hope takes practice. You have practiced hopelessness for a long time, and it's time to start practicing hopefulness. This doesn't mean blind optimism, this doesn't mean things will get better overnight, but it does mean that you can get to a place where hope feels more comfortable.

I promise you, there are people of all ages that get anxious when yelled at, can't get out of bed, and don't know how to talk to adults. I know it feels like you should be over these issues by now, but being unkind to yourself won't help you achieve your goals. It's not pathetic to be in your situation.

I'm so sorry you were denied healthcare for your mental issues as a teenager. That sucks, and you deserve help for your mental illness(es). I hope that you are able to reach out and get help now, as an adult. It's okay to grieve what could have been.

I know how hard it is when certain people want you to believe otherwise. People who don't have it all together may feel insecure and insist that they DO have it all together and that others should by their age, as well. But that isn't how life works. People wish it did, but it doesn't. Life always changes and things seldom go as planned. We can't put our self worth into things like that.

I think it's quite common for people to be having a harder time than they let on. Your peers might be struggling more than you know. Even if they weren't, you aren't doing yourself any favours comparing yourself to them. Do you compare yourself to people who are doing much worse, mentally or otherwise, than you? If so, does it help? Just something to think about.

Here are some actual actions you can take to increase your hopefulness and help you get to a place where you feel better about your life:

Journaling. One journal for venting and writing your feelings w/o judgement. Another one for gratitude. Every day, write three things you are grateful for. I know how this sounds, but trust me, after a few weeks or months, you might feel a little more grateful. I do this, and even though it feels dumb sometimes to write that I'm grateful for something small, it is nice to notice the good things in your life. There are more than you think.

Examine what messages you send yourself. What is your self-talk like? Just notice it without judgement and consider what it does to you. What thinking traps might you be falling into?

Self compassion. This one is HUGE. You deserve so much from life, and you deserve to feel determined to to live your life how you want. Empower yourself. Ask yourself, "how would I be living my life if I had hope?" Then, try doing the thing that you'd do if you felt better about yourself and your life. Just see how it feels. Try some of these guided practices here & scroll further to try some self compassion exercises.

Here is a list of books on self compassion.

Wishing you the absolute best. You have such a beautiful, long life ahead of you.

Mod Misa

[purrincess-chat]

Hi Cat! May I ask you to rank S5 episodes aired so far? and what did you like the most about each of them?

Finally getting around to answering this now that s5 is officially over. Overall, I'd say s5 was definitely not as bad as people have made it out to be, and I'll share my full thoughts on it later and go over some of the notes I took upon rewatching, but I'd say this season on average was pretty mid? Adrinette hard carried a lot of episodes that otherwise were just okay. Again, I've said it a bunch, and I'll say it a bunch more times, ML's biggest problem is pacing. S5 is probably the most ambitious season of this show by far, and they crammed a shit ton into this one season that would have been more digestible if it were spread out I think.

But anywho, I'll discuss more later. For now, here is my episode rankings for season 5! The ratings are rough, and I will likely adjust them to be a bit more specific when I eventually do my complete episode ranking with all the other seasons, but for now these ratings correspond to how I relate just the s5 episodes to each other. None of them got a 10, and tbh most of these eps sit around 6-7/10, so ranking them was actually kind of hard because as I said, Adrinette hard carried some of these eps, and I just did not care for the other things going on in them. Okay, here we go:

Protection: 9.5/10

Anyone who knows me or is in any way familiar with me probably knows why this episode is here. The picnic will go down as one of Adrinette's iconic moments. The whole set-up was incredibly sweet, and I could stare at that scene for hours.

2. Emotion: 9/10

Outside of thinking that Felix should have come back sooner and that perhaps this should have been the mid-season conflict rather than the Kwami's Choice eps (I'll talk more about why in another post eventually), I really liked this episode. I love how much Marinette has grown. I enjoyed Felix being a lil gremlin man. Idk, I liked it.

3. Elation: 8.5/10

"Cat, but you always shit talk MC-"

Incorrect. I shit talk toxic stans. I'd be lying if I said seeing those two losers kiss didn't make me feel things. I also appreciated the realness of this ep on why they couldn't be together, and that Chat Noir/Adrien had enough respect for Marinette to realize that there was a power imbalance between them. It was very sexy of him.

4. Revolution: 8.5/10

This one honestly surprised me being this high, but so much shit happened in this episode. Like I needed to sit for a sec after watching it because it was a lot to process. While I was rewatching it, I had moments where I was like wait, is this a new episode? But then I'd remember, nope. It's still the same one where all this other shit happened. And weirdly, it didn't feel too rushed? A lot of episodes this season felt like they were moving a million miles a minute and rushing to get to the point, but I felt like for as much shit as went down in this episode, it flowed pretty well.

Also, I'm Adrinette trash so of course I'm gonna rank their first kiss high fucking sue me

Also, hardly anyone talked about the LadyNoir power up! Like hello???

5. Deflagration: 8/10

I know I just dunked on the Kwami's Choice arc, and I will probably do it again because these two episodes were HARD carried by Adrinette. I didn't care about Kitty Noire or Scarabella at all. Their fight was lame, why the fuck did they start talking like that, just, ugh-anyway. I felt like part 2 was the stronger of the two episodes, and not just because of the Ladrien crumb! (though the ladrien crumb was v nice) I enjoyed the Resistance swooping in to help. I enjoyed Marinette outsmarting Gabriel. I enjoyed Adrien ripping the earrings off his dad like how dare you touch her things, you crusty eggplant. I liked the Adrinette scene in the cafeteria. I dunno. I don't think giving up their Miraculous was really necessary, but I appreciated several of the moments in this episode.

6. Passion: 8/10

So, in prior seasons I came to really not care for Nathalie when she was simping for Gabriel, but I gained a lot more respect for her this season. I just kind of wish she'd been like that from the beginning. There to make sure Gabriel doesn't go too far, someone to love Adrien and carry out his and Emilie's wishes. I wouldn't have minded even if GabeNath happened as a result if they were able to talk Gabriel down from his madness and truly let Emilie go in the end. But alas, we didn't. I loved the Adrinette moment in this episode where Adrien just immediately tells her what's wrong. It was such a huge step for him as someone who usually just buries his feelings. And the kwami swap was much better this go round.

7. Jubilation: 7.5/10

My cat is sleeping on my notes, but I remember enjoying this episode. A thought that I had in regards to the fantasy that they saw is that the gift sees beyond the masks, even if they don't. Like, yes, of course they want a life together because they're soulmates. They just can't quite see the whole picture yet. Idk how to explain it, but anyway, it was a cute episode. The nightmare children need to be burned at the stake, but overall, it was nice.

8. Transmission: 7.5/10

Listen. I did not give a single fuck about the new heroes, and their battle was very anticlimactic and lame, but god dammit, the Adrinette in this episode! Adrien audibly recognizing he shouldn't have played with her feelings as Chat Noir. Him seeing his photos in her trash can and telling her he loves her! The motherfucking hand game! Nothing else happened in that ep. It was just them.

9. Determination: 7.5/10

I absolutely loved seeing Adrinette go all pink sparkles when he looked at Marinette, and how Kagami was like stop being a fucking wuss and ask her on a date. As much as I cannot with the statue scene, I loved that Adrien was just like lol yeahhh you kissed me, it was kind of awesome. Like baby boy XD I liked him being lowkey jealous and wanting to be more with Marinette and trying his damnedest to get closer to her when she was freaking out. His patience with her this season has been so sweet.

LN stans can roast me all they want, idc, but I have a lot of thoughts about her switching her affection to CN. Not to say that she doesn't genuinely have feelings for him because I think she definitely does deep down, but I have always seen her pursuit of him this season as a means to run away from her problems. (i.e. her feelings for Adrien) Because she never got over Adrien, and that much was obvious. And Alya even called her on her bullshit. Marinette was trying to force herself to stop loving Adrien by throwing herself at Chat Noir, and while her feelings for him might stem from a genuine place of love for him, she was trying to love him for the wrong reasons. Rather than it being a natural thing, it felt very much like she was only doing it because she thought it would be easier, and she was refusing to face and process what had happened as a result of her loving Adrien. I just wish that the reversal were handled differently. She can and absolutely does love Chat Noir, but in this context, it just felt a little cheap to me. Not as genuine because she was still clearly hung up on Adrien and avoiding that.

10. Multiplication: 7/10

We have reached 6-7/10 territory. A loooot of eps are in this range, so it was actually pretty difficult to rank. I went solely on vibes for this section. Any single scene that sticks out in my memory for each episode were the breaking points on these.

Idk why, but I liked this episode. I loved the scenes of Adrien trying to greet Marinette. I loved everyone getting progressively more bored with waiting for Monarch to show up again. It was cute.

11. Derision: 7/10

Do I think this backstory should have come way, way, way, WAY sooner? Yes. Like s1-s2 sooner. Did I still slurp up all of the Adrinette anyway? ...Well, I'm only human.

12. Evolution: 7/10

I actually skipped this episode in my rewatch to save time because I know it's solid. Bunny Cat was cute. Seeing Gabriel fucking wreck himself because he's an idiot was funny. Alix being the GOAT was fun. Yeah. It was a nice start to the season.

13. Pretension: 7/10

I'm not a Feligami hater like some people. I think it was a bit rushed, but I think that's more of an issue with ML's general struggle with pacing rather than a reflection on the viability of their relationship. I liked seeing how Felix has a softer side because he was always meant to be morally grey. Emotion talked about that a little bit. He had no dog in the fight between Gabriel and LB/CN. He has his own motives for doing what he does, and he's not a bad person, just has done some questionable things to get what he wants. And I think Kagami would be good for him. I loved her roasting him and kicking his ass (and he loved it too).

14. Confrontation: 6.5/10

As the pilot of the Lila downfall plane, you'd think this episode would rank higher, but like, listen. Was Marinette's plan very sneaky and big brained? Yes. Did I enjoy seeing them get caught? Yes. Did this shit need to happen way sooner? Yes! The fact that Alya said with her whole chest in the episode before, "You know we're always ready to believe you." When she fucking wasn't? Like, bitch, your bestie is LADYBUG. Perhaps if she doesn't like someone, recognize that it's for a good ass reason? And I hated how dismissive they were of Adrien when he tried to speak up in that scene too. My honest reaction to Lila being outed was just fucking finally. I rank this one lower as well because they cut a small moment that I wish they fucking hadn't where everyone apologizes to and hugs Marinette after they're exposed. Because they fucking gaslit her for months about this bitch, and she absolutely deserved that apology!

15. Collusion: 6/10

Ya know, I'm not much one to care about Andre. They really tried to paint him as a victim this season, and I just was not there for it. It's okay for him to just suck too. They're all rich, sucky people. It's okay to just say that.

A note I did make that I might talk about later is on the topic of Chloe and her alleged redemption that everyone is mad about and how Astruc just hates Chloe, and I'm not going to say he doesn't. I just think that overall what happened there is when they started planning out future seasons, it was more plot convenient for her to be mean than it was for them to put in the effort to redeem her fully. And looking at some of the other redemptions they've done in this show, we know they would have botched it anyway. They kept her mean because it served their purposes for making things happen. That's it.

16. Revelation: 6/10

For reasons mentioned above in Confrontation, I ranked this episode lower because I wanted to fucking strangle everyone. Everyone in that god damn class knows Chloe is a bitch and always will be. The fact that they all turned on Marinette, including fucking Alya who knows she's FUCKING LADYBUG just ugh. Honestly, when their future plans got fucked in the next episode, I was lowkey like GOOD. Suffer, dumbass bitches! It's what you get! But I'm also just really petty, and I wanted to see Lila finally get shut the fuck up.

17. Adoration: 6/10

This one was fine? Let's go lesbians, I guess. Idk, in comparison to the myriad of other shit going on in s5, this one just felt like filler. Gabriel is an asshole, what else is new? I kind of wish Marinette got a better confession, since, ya know, we've been waiting for it since s1. I wish it were a bigger moment and more heartfelt, but like, eh, I guess.

18. Intuition: 6/10

Seeing Gabriel fuck himself over was nice. Other than that, it was just okay. Get dunked on, you moldy cheeto dust of a human being.

19. Perfection: 6/10

"Cat, did you rank this episode this low because of Adrien's cringy-ass song?"

AND I'D DO IT AGAIN! And the fight was kinda boring. I love Kagami, and she deserved the love in the end, but like c'mon.

20. Illusion: 6/10

A big thing I noted from this episode that became kind of a recurring thing throughout s5 is the illusion of choice. I'll talk more about it in my s5 analysis, but I think that illusion of choice extends to Gabriel's wish too in the end. I did love Nathalie fucking bodying him the second Adrien walked away. It's what he deserves.

21. Destruction: 6/10

This one was fine, I guess. I wasn't super into the format of it being a flashback that Marinette was explaining to Alya at their sleepover after the fact? And that it kind of just glossed over them Cataclysming Monarch, since that was kind of an important thing for this season. ML made some weird choices for big moments throughout this season that kind of cheapened the impact, imo. Idk. Baby girl is smart and all that, we been knew.

22. Representation: 5.5/10

Adrien fighting his dad was the highlight of this episode. You go off, king. The play was incredibly info-dumpy, and I feel like this information should have been spread out more organically. Rather than hinting at all of this shit in s3-4, they should have just sprinkled in these details as actual confirmation back then rather than dumping it all in our laps now.

23. Reunion: 5/10

Listen, this episode wasn't bad, and Adrien being a horse girl is funny, but in the context of this season and compared to the other episodes, this one is honestly just filler. Like, it's cool lore, but feels a bit out of place in this season, especially because she didn't call on her past holders for advice on how to like, idk fight her villain, she called on her for love advice. Just felt very unserious in the context of this season.

24. Conformation: 5/10

This one was fine-ish? The whole finale is definitely the weakest finale we've had. And I've ranked Miracle Queen in my bottom 10, yall. This is saying something. I'll go ahead and continue in my next point because

25. Re-Creation: 4.5/10

Both of the finale eps were just... They happened? I feel like they were pulling at too many threads bringing in everyone the way they did. I feel like the perfect alliance thing was an okay choice? I kind of dislike that Adrien was just no where to be fucking seen for most of these episodes. I know a lot of people are upset that he doesn't know about his dad, and there was no reveal between him and Marinette. Which, no identity reveal, I can live with, but I feel like letting Gabriel make his wish was such a weird choice. I'll talk more about it later, but we've been following this show since s1 and rooting for Ladybug and Chat Noir, and they just let the villain get what he wanted? And you can argue that he didn't really get what he wanted because he died or whatever, but like he got the Miraculouses and made a wish. Stop being obtuse about it. Like what is the ultimate lesson here? What's the message? I'm willing to give s6 a chance, but my future with this show is going to depend on how they unpack some of the fallout of this finale.

And for those arguing over Emilie v Amelie in the ending scene, it was Emilie in the original script and storyboard, and her memorial statue is gone, meaning they no longer have to memorialize her because she's not dead, so unless they randomly decided to not bring her back last minute, that bitch is his mom. Also, they removed a scene where she and Adrien smile at each other, but I digress

26. Migration: 4/10

I'm not going to explain this one, but anyone that knows me, knows why this one is here, and why I didn't care about this episode.

Anywho, my biggest takeaways from this season were that it was a bit too ambitious at times, and I think in general it lacked a lot of the heart of ML. Big moments we've been waiting for fell flat because they got lost in the mess of them trying to cram storylines we should have been getting this whole time into one season. It's not a bad season, and I think it is definitely a step in the right direction. ML just needs to get better about pacing its story arcs so that it maximizes its time and doesn't have to rush through shit to get their point across.

[hollowfaith]

🚀 ❤️ 📺 take these right back at ya

My muse in a relationship ?s

cutting this b/c it got long oop

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love?

"To go too far for any one person is ridiculous."

"Can a single person replace a world?"

—

tbh he goes farther than he realizes, but since he doesn't consider his efforts very grand (or his emotions anything like love), it's just business as usual. the first time he met klaus he was happy to play camping buddies for a month instead of assassinating him like his Father wanted, and then when his Father objected to that aurelius just killed him off to shut him up. in the time since they've been apart he's been diligently restructuring his army and kingdom, all the better to change negative perceptions of klaus so he can welcome him back to a properly brainwashed, supportive, utopian heavenly home...

so yes, to an extent he's the type of person to change the world to better fit the person he likes and happily adopt their preferences as his own.

the catch is these efforts are also contingent on how much he believes klaus agrees/will follow him; if klaus were to oppose him seriously, he's likely to take it as a betrayal and turn on him instead. he is extremely, obsessively devoted to his fixation long as they're on the same side, but you can't equate that kind of emotion with love despite it presenting in similar ways. think of a kindergartener fixated on a favorite person or toy: it's intense, but it's unstable.

❤️ Do they fall in love easily?

"Hardly."

"I have more important things to do than dally in romance."

—

naw lol and first impressions matter.

he has a duty to "love" the mortals under his care and he genuinely admires and likes people who impress him, but why would he fall in love for himself? what can it bring to his life? who's even worthy?

klaus grabbed his attention thru a mix of surprise and awe because he was just too powerful to die and yet so nonchalant about his abilities that aury got super super impressed and went "wow! i want to stick with this guy forever he's so cool and i've never met anyone in my life half as neat as klaus is i think he could kill me if he tried which sounds aMAZing :D"

klaus was also very polite. <3

which falls under the category of "genuine admiration" but love? he doesn't feel passionate about their relationship, he's never shy in intimate situations, he's barely initiated any kisses (though he accepts all he's given), and he doesn't lust after klaus' body. he considers klaus "his" and will protect him up to a point, but also thinks klaus should be strong enough to stand on his own.

at the same time it's hard to replace klaus with anyone else equally (or more) strong because klaus has such a patient, tender, gentle personality that complements aury so well. aury takes, but klaus always gives up to a point that aury can't help but give back. klaus is the one person aury would do the most for, yet also the first person he'd kill for getting in the way of his plans.

so while it seems like aury fell for klaus easily, he was the only person he could've fallen for. there will never be another person on the planet quite like klaus for aury, nor anyone else he has a chance to truly learn love from.

📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family?

"There is plenty I have to say about Klaus, so I'm very happy to share."

"He always needs more appreciation."

—

yes, but it's all one-sided stuff about klaus this klaus that klaus blahblahblah. he actually says very little about his side of the relationship, preferring to praise his partners instead.

it's the same with any other friends/acquaintances he knows: he likes to talk about their views, their thoughts, their actions, what makes them likable as a person, etc., but rarely about himself. you know he has these relationships because he knows these people well enough to talk about them, but he keeps his direct thoughts and feelings absent in the conversation. you kinda hafta infer them yourself.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Getting tired so gonna talk abt SV stuff for a bit. It's gonna get a little story tell-y lol

In general, I think the entire main plot of SV takes about a few months- a semester really. So I think it's fair to space out the time between each major event( as in the bosses for each route).

With that being said, after the second titan, the one with the bird, Beatriz has pretty much been avoiding both Arven and Luca. Which, tbh, not entirely new given how she acted when she first met everyone, but this one kinda hurt more. Especially for Luca. In his head, he thinks Beatriz is mad at him for freezing up, much like how his dad was back during the darkest day. The reality is that Beatriz couldn't bring herself to look at Luca or Arven after running off from after the last titan. Luca was easier to avoid, being from different schools, but Arven was much more difficult. Especially when he goes out of his way to try and talk to R.B. Before it was pretty much " I don't bother you, you don't bother me" situation. To say they weren't fond of each other was kinda an understatement. The only reason Beatriz agreed to go on the path of legends was because of Luca and kinda Nemona. And honestly, I still think that tension is still there. One titan boss together isn't just gonna fix whatever is going on. In fact, i think it kinda made things worse. So why is Arven trying to talk to R.B? Simply put, her reaction to Mabosstiff was....off. It was one thing to be hostile towards Arven for no reason ( in Arven's eyes), but then that whole thing with Mabosstiff just made things weird. If anything, Arven wants some answers. But he's totally not worried for her. Nope.

It's pretty hard trying to talk to The Calamity at school, he would realize. For one, she's hardly ever out, and he doesn't know where her dorm is. Secondly, if she is out, it's kinda an unspoken rule to not approach. He actually had some students pull him aside to avoid her. This was when Arven truly stated to listen to what the other students are saying about Ramona. How she's a bully. How she caused students to go to the hospital. How she's bullying Luca- that ticked Arven off. Has anyone seen how Luca and Beatriz interact? The girl acts more like an older sister than anything towards his little buddy. How do people equate that to bullying? Arven would ask her if she wasn't so avoidant ( they have some classes together, how is she able to escape him every time????)Surprisingly, in the end it was her that confronted him. She didn't go into anything about her reaction after the second titan, or discuss how the other students talk about her. Rather she, rather sternly, suggested that Luca sat out the next titan. It's clear that the Titans trigger him and that it wouldn't be fair to keep dragging him back to them. Arven is slightly upset that they aren't talking about Beatriz here, but can't help but agree.

There's so much more I wanna talk about: Luca's reaction, R.B and Nemona, Luca and R.B with the team Star bosses, R.B coming semi-clean to Arven by the third titan( which is gonna be so fucking messy god)- but I'm getting tired lol. That's all for now. Later!

[dxpressed-stxrs]

HEYYY MY NON EXISTENT READERS!!!! lemme tell you all about how I've started college (UK) this week!!!

so it's been okayy. much better than I thought it would go tbh, so that's good. my timetable is also good!! I've spoken to some girls and we made a snap group chat but we start our proper subject lessons next week, so that's where making friends actually matters. I'm praying praying praying I actually make friends or I may very well tip over into the dark side and completely lose it.

I also spoke to one guy too (after five years of having no male contact since I went an all girls school!) we spoke about machetes (?!?!) and he remembered me awkwardly saying i liked books during the icebreaker?!! but then he overheard me talking to a teacher about how i have hearing loss and wear a hearing aid and how I was too anxious and depressed and suicidal to go to school last year so my attendance was really low. so now some random guy knows two of my deepest secrets!! bless him he looked so shocked too when he found out. it's fine I don't think he'll tell anyone and I'll just ask him next week please not to.

This one girl walked into the room wearing the shortest crop top ever and sat on the table full of guys and in the moment I judged her so hard. but now I spoke to her and she's so so sweet, I feel awful.

There's this one guy in my tutor who's fine af and I was sitting down on a bench with some people and he walked past and i looked up TO FIND HIM STARING RIGHT AT ME AND WE MADE EYE CONTACT?? (he was probably just trying to see better the people in his class but you know, delulu is the solulu). And also I was walking out the door and he was in front of me and HE STOPPED and held the door open for me and waited for me to go through LIKE HELLO MANNERS??? Also I swear he glanced at me a few times but I'm also short sighted so he was probably looking behind me or just in my direction. BUT STILLLLL it feels nice being silly and delusional again. Besides.... I'm not likeable. at all. I doubt I'll see him around, he's in my tutor class which is only twice a week so im trying not to get too hung up on him and he seems like the depressed broody type of guy to not show up since you don't have to go. I also found out he lied about his full name (not lied but just kept it hidden) and im like hmmm why. I found out his ethnicity from it though and lowkey wanna randomly go up to him and be like "hey, so random but are you ___" . it's way too soon for that though

I saw this girl who was my best friend (but we had a fight) in primary school too! I didn't even recognise her, she looks so different. She was the purest innocent thing ever and now she's a chav hello?? but people change. It's been 5 whole years. I'm sure I've changed a lot because she barely recognised me too. It's nice to see her again though

I lost 4-6 pounds this week?!?! tbh I've hardly eaten apart from a few bites a day and I dragged my 'friend' around with me all over the town centre and college because love love love walking. She doesn't though. She's not street smart at all either and it's pissing me off a bit but at the same time, I'm probably just overthinking it. having an eating disorder and depression makes you so so irritable :/

I haven't even been formally diagnosed with clinical depression but I'm 99% sure I have it since I've been feeling all the symptoms for a solid 2 months. usually it's just been on and off for the past few years but this time it's not budging. I wanna ask for meds but I'm under 18 so there's only 2 available and both of them have low success rates.

I'm trying to 'be myself' but I'm always so shy and quiet at first. I'll give it a few weeks and then I'll probably be my usual outgoing funny self. also I've defo made my mark I hope because a philosophy teacher gave us a riddle and I was the only one who guessed it and I came third in kahoot, so i was on the podium yayyy.

This feels so stupid to write about. But like I'm literally friendless right now and I need to carve out time to journal this haha xxx

im nervous for lessons but it feels better after induction. but please PLEASEEE let me make some friends

- musings of a dying star

[jentlemahae]

anon your mind is so big and sexy thank you for putting that into words omg 😚 yeah atp it looks like lloud is relying on blinks and lilies to do all the heavy lifting which is exactly what yg did and that's so unfortunate. having good promo was one of the key things that we have been wanting for bp for all these years and so it sucks that lloud haven't been able to do that so far. i didn't think anyone could be less organized than yg but all the rockstar teasers were posted at random ass times so i'm not really sure what's going on there either tbh 😐 maybe it's too early to judge and things will improve. a lot of blinks and lilies asked for more promo on that lloud q&a so hopefully they take notes for the next release but it's hard to have faith in that rn, especially bcs we know what rca is like. yeah, visuals have me gagged but we need a little more than that

yep yep yep, they’re relying solely on fan power for this cb which would be okay if this weren’t her FIRST release outside from yg 😐 it was annoying for bp as fans but at least it worked cause bp had basically become a household name in kpop, but rn lisa is just a singer among a myriad of other singers and the companies aren’t effectively getting her name out there. like idk if it’s just me but i’ve hardly seen anyone apart from fans talking about the mv teaser on my tl and i think that’s because most people don’t even know about it since there’s basically been no promo ?? the locals should be gagging over this ????? this is supposed to mark the beginning of her soloist career and it’s a complete mess already…….let’s hope they improve i guess

[reikurusu]

firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ✨

Oh this is so sweet, but also so difficult!! I'm always so hard on myself, I'm one of those people who's like "everyone's doing great, except me, I'm such a failure". It's something I'm trying not to do but it's hard, but things like this definitely help so thank you for sending this! :)

I really like how creative I am. I'm constantly thinking up OC stories. I'm not actually writing them, details, but I'm thinking of them. I also think I'm pretty good at making fanvideos and gifs and all that. Being creative like that is something I really enjoy and I wish I could spend more time on it.

I really like the colour of my eyes? Is that weird? They're a sort of combination of blue and grey but lately I feel like there's a slight hint of green in them as well? Very vaguely compared to the other two colours but there's something there idk. Either way, eye colour, cool!

I think I'm pretty good at making a room cozy? Like, my bedroom is my favourite place! There are a bunch of plants, I have my bookshelves and piles of books that don't fit my bookshelves, pillows, funkos, it's all in pale colours but the decorations really make it cozy and I wish I had more time to enjoy it.

I'm really good... At wrapping gifts! I know this sounds super random but at my previous job was a store where many people came to buy gifts (it was a kitchen/ decoration/ food/ plants/ garden/... store in case anyone's curious) and we had to wrap so many gifts! At first it was a real pain but over the years I really started to enjoy it. Easy shapes like books and such, I can wrap in under a minute, blindly (believe me, I did the test at home). When I'm wrapping gifts for family or friends, though, I'm going extra! I'm talking kraft paper, dried flowers, wax seals, washi tape, twine,... I have a whole aesthetic going on! I also have an entire box with decorations and it's getting too much tbh I need to get rid of some things...

I'm pretty good at languages. I studied a total of 5 languages: Dutch (my mother tongue), French, English, German and Spanish (6 if you count Latin during secondary school). Truth be told, my German and Spanish aren't that great anymore because I hardly use them, but I was pretty decent during my school days. English is my best foreign language, followed by French. I was like "the language person" at my previous job: they would literally call me over when a person spoke French because the rest of my collagues were horrible at it! One time a co-worker even called me over when we had customers from South-America who only spoke Spanish. She didn't even know I spoke a bit of Spanish, she just called me and assumed I would know what to do! I didn't say much, but I did understand what the customers were saying and I really think they were happy to be helped by someone who spoke even a little bit of their native language!

:)

[theloveinc]

do you talk hawks at all? i just love bird man so much i wanna pick his brain. wanna study him under a microscope. must be all of the ✨trauma✨ he’s been through

ANYWAY

do you think he’d have abandonment issues in a relationship? how clingy do you think he’d get?

(also i hc virgin hawks on my deathbed. wouldn’t surprise me at all if you were his first serious relationship. just ‘cuz i could see it being pretty difficult to really get close to him. but once you do…he ain’t letting go

buuuuttttt that’s just me)

i talk every character tbh but people always seem to forget💔💔💔but hawks omg... remember back in the early days of the pandemic when he was basically everyone's number one sexy boy? i'm honestly not sure why the hype for him died down so much.

ANYWAY i absolutely wanna study him, too! his trauma is SO interesting to me esp because i think his demeanor + motives are honestly... berry strange LMAO. respectable... but berry strange (we can address this another time sdfkjadsf).

To get down to it, though... I agree with you about Hawks' clinginess (if you can call the rest of this agreeing), as well as that it takes long time before you ever see that side of him, too. And not like a three month long time, more like a YEARS long time. One or two at least, given I also see him as being really hesitant about relationships. Not exactly having abandonment issues... but commitment ones.

Which isn't to say he's unloyal, or even as more of fuck buddy than anything else... I DO think he very seriously dates you (cuz I see him as being very serious in general, actually)...

But at first, dating him is never... romantic. Or it is and that aspect of it just feels... weird. Like you definitely like each other... but don't actually know each other, if that makes sense, all because he's distinctly refusing to let you in. And it's not even intentional, or ill-intentioned, at that... he genuinely does want to be with you... he just can't bring himself to commit in the ways that matter.

Until he does. 

Because I think if you stick with it, enjoy the relationship as best you can, there comes a point after all of this nonsense, where... yeah. He gets attached. WAY too attached. Codependent attached. Which is kinda strange because part of you thought he just liked you for the company... like, a friend he could bang..

But the reality is, the entire time you were dating, literally while you thought things would never progress and this might just be... settling, Hawks was building a nest with you in his head. Piece by piece, leaving bits of himself beside you and then pondering if it was finally safe to leave them all. And suddenly, it is. And you become his lifeline, the person he trusts more than anyone else in the entire world... all because you waited for him, dealt with him... showed him that you loved him even when it was hard.

Then he becomes clingy. Nightmarishly so, as this is when his commitment issues turn into abandonment issues. He goes from being somewhat scared of tying either of you down to being afraid you'll leave him for the way he's treated you, all in like... less than a month.

(And since he's not dumb, it goes smoother than I'm making it seem. Like he definitely has a moment where he tells you all this, and explains what he's been going through in trying to stay so casual; that he knows it was dickish, but it was only because deep down, he was so, so scared.)

But this means you go from hardly anything—dinner dates that would sometimes get canceled whenever he picked up an extra patrol, always leaving your apartment before anything other than kissing could start—to so much: going on fancy dates. Spending the night and waking up together. Talking about the future... as the future finally feels right. 

I think it’s a kind of a nice clingy, though. He’s not whiney at all, more happy and silly than you’ve ever seen him (completely delighted by you, all the time), and if anything really, it never feels like the honeymoon phase, just like you get very close and comfortable with one another, like you’ve been together for years. 

He just wants to see you everyday, not to exhaust, but to spend time together, even if that means doing nothing at all. He calls you and wants to talk for hours, about anything and nothing at all. He doesn’t mind anymore. 

-

AND turn this fantasy into your own, by god, please, but... yeah. He probably is virgin up until this point. Acts so cocky and suave about it but only because he doesn’t know what else to do. He wants to be good, thinks he has everything mastered to a certain extent... then your pants come down for real and he just... losing all cool, focus and control. 

Gotta treat him so sweet🥺🥺🥺 so his first time w/ you is magical. I already know it is, though. 

[wonwoosthetic]

Silly me!!!! Svt or the boyz you can choose :)

Silly me😂 I read that in the most British accent and I love it👏🏼

Now onto the The Boyz version:

Most

Sunwoo: he’s SO possessive and jealous over literally EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY. This man does not leave your side EVER, and will bark at every man that even just dares to look at you. Would often miss interpret someone flirting with you, so: Jealous sex? All the time.

Sangyeon: the hand he constantly keeps around Eric’s waist? That’s because he misses it having it on yours. Therefore: positively possessive and will also get jealous easily, but only because he can read men like open books. He knows what they’re thinking while talking to you, and he doesn’t like it. In bed he will let you know that only he will ever be able to make you feel that good.

Changmin: he bites because he loves and wants to mark what’s his, I’ve said what I’ve said. Sorry not sorry. I think I wrote about this before, but yeah, he likes marking, obviously because he wants to show what’s his. If anyone doesn’t get that message, it gets to him quickly. A hard and hot quickie in the bathroom will do the job. Has there been an evening event where you haven’t fucked? Good question.

Eric: his reaction to Sangyeon’s hand on his waist tells me he wouldn’t necessarily do it too much to his partner, therefore letting you roam around in a party and is fine if he finds you a bit later. BUT the moment someone puts his hand on your hips, arms, whatever. They’re out and you’re in the backseat of his car.

Younghoon: he’s giving me cutely overprotective boyfriend vibes and I love him for it, so yesss. Jealous over little things, like even if you’re not giving him as much attention as you usually would. Will get jealous of inanimate objects too. Do you own toys? Haha, good joke. Jealous sex? Maybe, but soft… most of the times.

Juyeon: HIS HANDS ARE THERE TO PROTECT WHAT’S HIS. SO, he would rarely leave your side, but only because he doesn’t want to get lost, tbh. It would also take him a bit to realise that someone’s flirting with you as he’d be probably laughing along to a joke the man in front of you said, thinking that he’s just being friendly. Once he notices it, he’ll just drag you away. If you want to have some fun, you’ll try at get him jealous because the you know the sex will be AMAZING. He doesn’t realise it though

Chanhee: … hard to tell, tbh. I feel like, he might get jealous if you’re like actually ignoring him, but he hardly ever gets jealous about other people around you, because at the end of the day, you’re going home with him. Jealous sex is not really his thing, if you want to test him, he’d probably just chuckle “cute,” and laugh it off and tease you the entire night.

Hyunjae: I gotta get one thing straight first: Jealous sex? YES. YES. YES. YESSS. BECAUSE: this man doesn’t get jealous much or easily, BUT when he does… oh boy… have fun walking limping through the next day

Jacob: similar to what I wrote about Jun in my Seventeen version of this: he’d trust you so much, that he would actually encourage you to go and flirt back to the man that started chatting with you and got you a free drink because he wants one too. Jealous? Sex? What? Jealous? Not even in his vocabulary. BUT, will pout if you don’t spend much time with him

Hakyneon: He’d get tensed up when a man comes too close to you, but would wait until you stopped saying something to that guy yourself. So, he’d watch from afar, just to make sure nothing’s happening, but he trusts you enough to not be by your side 24/7. So, sorry, no jealous sex.

Kevin: sue me, but he truly seems like the most understanding and loving type of partner, EVER. Yes, of course he doesn’t like men gawking at you, but he trusts you IMMENSELY. If men don’t get the message you’re sending, he’d walk up to you and help. He could act jealous if you ask him too, but why would you do that if he can fuck you just as good without being jealous

Least

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I saw @occamshipper saying it would be better to direct the cockles kind of questions to you, so if you don't mind talking about this do you think they're a couple? Is yes then how is the arrengment with their spouses? And do you see any indication they would ever come out? Thanks.

hello! 👋

yes, i do believe that jensen and misha are a couple, but i should be very clear in saying that they are a polyamorous couple. i love their wives, THEY love their wives, i would never imply any kind of adultery. misha and vicki are openly polyamorous, so this isn't a huge stretch.

i try to respect their privacy by not speculating wildly on things i don't have any evidence to substantiate, so i don't like to go around being like "yeah they have threeways/fourways" or anything like that. but we do know that misha and danneel are very good friends and love each other a lot, so there's a really good relationship between them.

vicki is far more private and doesn't say much in public, so i really don't know anything about her and jensen's relationship, but she wrote and published 'the threesome's handbook' that, uh, went into a lot of detail about polyamorous sex and also spoke about how she fell in love with a female friend of hers while also loving her husband. she's the only one of the four who is openly queer and, between her and misha, is more open about being poly. misha tends to be a touch defensive and closed-lipped about it, because of course he gets asked creepy questions when the topic comes up.

however, misha has all but said that he's bisexual (and tbh i'd bet some money that he's some type of nonbinary as well, as often as he likes to play with gender), and jensen is, well, jensen's a chaotic bi if ever i saw one. i don't know a whole lot about danneel, but she's certainly vocal in being a queer 'ally'.

so i can't really tell you what their 'arrangement' is, and i feel like it would be a little out of line to speculate on exactly what it is. but i think we can see enough of the equation to come to a pretty reasonable conclusion that makes plenty of sense.

now if you're wondering what the hell i'm going on about, because it seems like a stretch to go from "this couple is poly" to "this poly guy is in a relationship with another married man," well, i created the cockles masterlist just for you!

i knew i sounded crazy, so i compiled everything i could find in my blog's archives to present all of my evidence for this assertion. it has long been a "we all know about it" situation, a kind of open secret, but since i can't just beam my knowledge in newbie's brains... masterlist. i've yet to have anyone tell me, "i've looked at your masterlist and i'm not convinced." i've had a LOT of people tell me they looked at my masterlist and they are convinced lol.

as to whether or not i think they'll ever fully come out, i really have no idea and that's such a deeply personal thing that i don't like to speculate too much. i think that they would both certainly like to come out, but i don't think society has yet progressed enough to accept queer polyamory to an extent that those involved could still have successful careers in showbusiness. it would also be really hard on their kids, and i'm sure they care more about that than their careers.

for those reasons i tend to think they're going to keep it private (though if anyone could force society to accept queer polyamory, misha collins could probably do it lol), but heteronormativity goggles are thick af and they can do almost anything without straight people at large catching on.

i must say, though, that they hardly seem to even care anymore whether people know or not, considering their antics for the past year or two. i mean, misha admitted today that he "stayed" (read: lived) at jensen's apartment enough to have his own 'blanky' there, and sure he threw in the 'spare room' bit, but... staying over at your coworker's apartment enough to have your own 'blanky' that you 'miss' raises eyebrows no matter what you say about a spare room.

even as a cockles connoisseur from 2013-onwards, i couldn't have guessed what's gone down in the last year. who the hell knows what's next?