#tbh I was made to feel responsible for any bad thing that happened ever and that really f//ks up how you see yourself and the world

[petiolata]

I spent my lunch break reading research papers and being sleepy 😴 now im full of regrets

[nataliasquote]

Double the trouble | Switch Up | n romanoff

Double the trouble AU

Summary: Yelena is back, the twins are older, and her scheming ways do nothing but backfire. a mother always knows…

Age: 8

Warnings: none

wc: 3.3k

note: hello! I’m back with another little oneshot for DTT. I’ve missed writing tbh and although this isn’t the best, I’m pleased to finally write. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting!

-⧗-

Leaving the twins with Yelena was either the best idea or the worst idea Natasha had ever had. But with Wanda away visiting her brother, Natasha didn’t really have much of a choice. Work didn’t allow her to take time off like this, so she turned to the next best thing.

The blonde was as grumpy as anything until she was faced with the two bundles of joy that were her nieces. She hated kids, but Isla and Y/n were an exception. She opened the door with a huge grin as the twins came barreling towards her, crouching barely over the threshold to collect them in a hug.

Natasha hovered back by the stairs with a soft smile tugging at her lips. Despite having a rocky patch, she truly loved Yelena with all her heart. And seeing her girls happy was all that mattered. She wished she could stay, but with new development plans happening at the studio, she had to oversee the final meeting.

“Are you staying all day?” Isla asked, peering round to look at Yelena’s truck parked in the driveway. “Where’s Fanny?”

“I’ll get her out in a minute, and yes I am, lucky duck.” The twins cheered at her response, their chatter tumbling over the top of each other as they bombarded their aunt with questions. Natasha quickly stepped in, taking them by the hand so Yelena could finally enter the house. After sending her girls over to the couch, Natasha pulled Yelena to one side, whispering in hushed voices.

“It shouldn’t take long, but in case I’m held back, there’s boxed mac and cheese in the cupboard and the girls made cookies last night so they’re in the green jar.”

“Mac and cheese, green jar, got it.”

“Please don’t give them too much sugar,” Natasha warned, knowing her sister’s tendencies, “and they have been arguing a lot, so good luck.” She didn’t really need to tell Yelena what to do, she’d babysat since they were really little, but it gave Natasha a piece of mind to know they were well looked after.

“Natasha, they’ll be fine. Don’t you trust me? Yelena asked with a grin.

“Absolutely not.”

Yelena rolled her eyes, stuffing her hands into her pockets. “So who’s the troublemaker this time?”

“Y/n has been in a mood for the past few days, so it’s currently her. Apparently Isla's existence annoys her.” As if on cue, a yell sounded from the living room and Natasha inwardly groaned. A moment of peace was never on the cards.

As she went to sort out whatever argument was occurring with her eight year olds, Yelena let Fanny out of the car and watched the Akita bound up the front steps, her tail wagging frantically. Any normal person would feel bad about the amount of hair she shed, but it only made Yelena laugh. She truly made every place her home.

The scene in the living room was absurd even for Yelena. Natasha was scolding a pouting Y/n whilst Isla cried in her arms, clutching something hidden behind her hair. Yelena hovered awkwardly, unsure how to approach, and Fanny did the same. It was almost like she could read the room.

Natasha, breathing a sigh of relief, gestured for Yelena to approach, to which she did. A sniffly Isla was pushed in her direction and the young girl lunged at her aunt, clinging to her waist with a sob.

“What happened?” Yelena mouthed, her eyebrows shooting up as Natasha held up what looked like a barbie doll. “Where’s the hair?”

“This one got scissor happy,” Natasha said exasperatedly, jabbing her thumb in Y/n’s direction.

“She stole my barbie!” Y/n protested, folding her arms across her chest in a huff.

“No!” Isla burst out,” that’s mine!”

“Well I don’t care, I was playing with it!”

“Get your own!”

Above their heads, Natasha gave Yelena a look. This is what she had been dealing with since Wanda left and although she hated leaving her kids, the bickering was starting to wear her down. It was Yelena’s turn to handle it for once. She just hoped the house would still be standing when she got back.

“Girls, please,” Natasha sighed, standing up with the barbie in her hand. “Mama has to go in a minute, and I’m not having you acting up for Yelena.” She used her stern mom voice and Y/n paled, hating being told off. “Y/n, can you apologise to Isla please.”

“No.”

Natasha may have a soft spot for her youngest but the glare that crossed her features made the little girl’s eyes well up and she hung her head in shame. “Y/n…” Natasha warned, knowing what came next if she didn’t start behaving.

“Sorry,” Y/n mumbled, suddenly very interested in the sleeve of her pink sweater.

“Good,” Natasha stated, brushing off the dog hair from her sleek black suit trousers. “I want you two on your best behaviour, and Yelena will tell me everything that happens. If I find out that you’ve been disrespectful and naughty, I will tell Mama. Okay?”

The girls mumbled in chorus, with Isla still clinging on to Yelena and Y/n standing by herself. It was just a phase, Natasha had to keep reminding herself that, but it certainly felt as though it was going to last forever. She wasn’t the bad mom, but Y/n’s behaviour had been so bad lately that not a day went by where she wasn’t being told off. It hurt her to see her daughter so upset, but Natasha stood strong. It was her own kindred spirit that she saw in Y/n, and now she understood why she was such a difficult child sometimes.

“We’re going to have fun, right guys?” Yelena asked with extravagant enthusiasm, although the responses she got were far from it. “You can go and do your boring adult stuff whilst the cool kids do… cool kid stuff.”

Natasha anxiously glanced at her kids, a wave of doubt washing over her. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can cancel-”

“Natasha, go, I’ll be fine. They’re angels with me and I’ve got Fanny with me if it all goes wrong.”

The dog in question gave a small woof and Natasha eyed her warily, far more a cat person than a dog person. She wasn’t totally convinced, but motherhood had made her anxious so she straightened out her jacket and nodded, psyching herself up.

“I’ll be back by 5, 6 at the latest.”

“Have a good day Mama,” Y/n said quietly, trying desperately to get back on her good side. Having Wanda mad at her was bad enough, but having Natasha was the worst thing she could think of. And when her Mama crouched down and opened her arms, Y/n took her chance to get to the hug first, muttering another ‘sorry’ to try and make amends.

“Be good, girls. I’ll be home soon.”

‘Aunty Lena, does Mama hate me?” Y/n asked as the door closed. The blonde frowned and turned to her niece, her large green eyes piercing into the Russian’s soul.

“Of course not, little bug. But you have to start being nice to Isla, okay?”

“I know,” Y/n replied. “She just really makes me mad.”

“That’s what sisters do. Your mama and I used to fight all the time.”

Y/n’s eyes lit up. “You did?”

“It’s totally normal, little bug. When your mama had blue hair, I used to tease her about it all the time.”

Isla’s head perked up at that. “Mama had blue hair?”

“Has she never shown you pictures?” Yelena asked in disbelief. Both girls shook their heads and Yelena grinned. “I’ll make some hot chocolate and I can show you. Your grandma put all our photos as kids in an album.”

The twins cheered loudly and ran to the kitchen, laughing with each other. It was such a stark contrast to earlier that Yelena had to do a double take at what she was witnessing.

“I’m glad you’re not this much work,” she muttered to Fanny, who barked happily at the noise. Kids really were hard work.

~~~

“Lena, kick it!” Isla yelled across the garden, dancing around the goal whilst her aunt really took her time. She was doing it purely to mess with her niece, and it was working perfectly. With another yell, Isla sprinted out of the goal in an attempt to tackle, but Yelena took her chance and sent the ball flying into the goal with a thud.

“That’s not fair!” She cried, running over to retrieve it.

“Another point to Aunt Lena!” Y/n announced from her place at the side before launching into another back walkover. She’d only recently learned the skill at dance and was more than happy to do acro tricks whilst they played. As long as she kept score as promised.

“No! That doesn’t count,” Isla protested, one foot propped up on the ball. “She cheated.”

“I didn’t cheat, you just have no patience,” Yelena said sassily, propping a hand up on her hip. “You’re not going to make a very good goal keeper.”

“I hate soccer anyway,” Isla grumbled, kicking the ball as hard as she could in Yelena’s direction. “It sucks.”

“It’s only because you’re bad at it,” Y/n piped up, now sitting on the porch steps after exhausting herself from cartwheels.

“You’re worse!” Typical comeback but Yelena had had enough. With a roll of her eyes, she marched towards the goal, giving Isla a bump with her elbow as she walked past.

“New game, I’ll be in goal and you have to work together to score. Deal?”

Isla shook her head. “I’m not playing with her, she can’t even kick a ball!”

“I can too!” Y/n protested, sprinting up to her sister. “I’m better than you and I don’t even have lessons.”

“That’s so not true. You-”

“Guys!” Yelena shouted, her Russian accent thickly coating her words. “Do you ever stop this fighting? It’s so annoying!”

The twins went silent, an uncommon phenomenon. Y/n muttered something under her breath but Yelena didn’t have it in her to care anymore. Every time she babysat it made her more and more impressed at how Natasha did it. A true saint.

“New rules. You have to pass it to each other before trying to score. If you don’t, the point goes to me. Okay?”

“Fine!”

Surprisingly, very few fights broke out over the course of the game. Isla did most of the scoring after Y/n well and truly botched her tries. But in her defence, her legs weren’t made for kicking the shit out of a soccer ball.They were made for cartwheels, which Isla soon got fed up with.

After far too long outside, Yelena rounded them up and herded them back inside after teeth started chattering and Y/n’s soaked trouser legs from falling over were turning her lips slightly blue.

After a quick bath she sat them both on Isla’s bed and dug through her closet for some comfier clothes. After a few minutes she sat back on her knees, her mind racing.

“Do you guys match anymore?”

“Ew,” Isla said, her nose scrunching. “Never. All Y/n wears is pink, and I hate pink.”

“You also hate dresses too.”

Yelena was quiet for a moment, the cogs in her head turning. She turned around with a sheepish smile, almost shaking with excitement.

“I have an idea, but you need to cooperate… okay?”

~~~

Natasha sighed as she stepped out of her car, her breath forming a small cloud in front of her. It was far too cold for October and she rushed up the front steps to get inside. The building work was looking amazing and she knew Y/n was itching to get back to the studio just as much as she was (there was only so much kitchen ballet they could do).

It was eerily quiet as the front door opened, only her heels sounding on the wooden floor as she approached the kitchen. She wasn’t met with a pile of bodies throwing themselves at her, which was probably more strange than the silence. Had she trusted Yelena too much and her sister had kidnapped her children and ran off to Russia? Honestly it wasn’t such a surprising theory.

Empty kitchen… empty living room… this was weird. But the sound of giggles couldn’t be hidden and Natasha kicked off her heels at the bottom of the stairs and took the stairs two at a time, her trousers straining around her thigh muscles. Isla’s laugh was the most distinguishable and she pushed the door open slowly, trying not to startle anyone.

The wholesome sight of the three of them sitting on the floor surrounded by stuffed animals was enough to melt Natasha’s heart and she smiled softly, leaning on the doorframe waiting for someone to notice her. And strangely it wasn’t Y/n but Isla who jumped up first, almost stumbling over Fanny to get to her Mama with a shriek.

Natasha caught her daughter in her arms and pressed kisses all over her face, warmth flooding her body. She would never feel complete when she was away from her girls.

Y/n quickly joined in, wanting the same cuddles. Natasha crouched down and stroked their cheeks before pausing slightly, squinting. Something wasn’t right and Yelena’s overly wide grin didn’t help her suspicions either. She stroked Isla’s hair with a chuckle and straightened up, her back aching from bending down so much.

“Did you girls have a good day?” She asked, watching as Y/n settled back on the floor beside Fanny. “You both look happier than when I left.”

“We played soccer and beat Aunt Lena!” Y/n piped up. “I scored all the goals.”

“No, I helped too!”

Natasha didn’t miss the way Yelena nudged her nieces or how their eyes went as wide as saucers. But the redhead just chuckled and took a seat on Isla’s bed, her legs slightly aching from standing all day.

Isla stood in front of her, clearly torn with where to go. Natasha knew she wanted to sit on her knee but watched as she settled beside Yelena again. It was impressive, Natasha gave her that much. Very dedicated to the cause.

“You did? Well done baby. Have you behaved today?”

“They’ve been angels, sestra, as usual. It’s only you they are bad for.” Yelena had a shit eating grin and it took everything in Natasha not to launch a pillow at her head. But she could not condone aggression around her violent children anyway before Y/n got any more ideas.

“Is that right?”

“Mama you had blue hair!”

If looks could kill, Yelena would be well and truly dead. If there was one thing Natasha hated, it was pictures of her younger self. She made far too many questionable decisions and went through one too many boxes of hair dye, so seeing pictures was a no no. Not even Wanda had seen many. And now her daughters had seen the worst ones which she was never going to live down.

“Yelena Belova… what did you do.”

The blonde just shrugged and jumped up, causing Fanny to do the same. The queen of avoiding things. “Who wants Aunt Yelena’s special mac and cheese?”

The twins both cheered and raced out of the room after their aunt, leaving Natasha slightly bewildered in the blue and white room. There were times where Natasha convinced herself that Yelena wasn’t all that bad, and then she pulled stunts like this and put herself back on top of Natasha’s hit list. But that was never going to change.

“What else did you show my kids, Yelena?”

No reply. Typical.

Natasha truly was outnumbered when her sister was around. But then she remembered what was really going on and a small laugh escaped Natasha’s mouth. Adorable, really.

Y/n and Isla helped as much as they could to make dinner, including standing on a chair to stir the boiling noodles and dumping the cheese packets in when instructed. Natasha was banished to setting the table after Isla gave her a lecture about her inability to cook, clearly something else she’d picked up from Yelena. But Natasha yielded, setting the cutlery down with a shake of her head. The longer it went on for, the more she tried not to laugh. And the more slip ups she noticed.

Like how Isla wouldn’t stand on the chair because she was scared of heights, even though yesterday she climbed the largest tree in the backyard. And how Y/n stood still when waiting for her turn, when she’d usually be twirling around with her apron. Natasha could only watch as Yelena heavily emphasised their names and the twins burst into giggles whenever they answered her. It was adorable to see and she couldn’t wait to tell Wanda.

They ate in silence, which was usually the case when mac and cheese was involved. And the girls did very well, Natasha gave them that, until she pulled an admittedly evil move.

“How about cookies?” Yelena asked once plates were cleared and the table was wiped down.

“It sounds good to me,” Natasha agreed, grabbing the tin and sitting back at the table. “One each, you too Yelena. And Y/n, you know the rules. You got in trouble today so you don’t get a cookie.”

She slid the tin to Isla who happily reached in until a protest sounded from the girl next to her.

“That’s not fair! That’s my cookie!”

Isla had already shoved her cookie in her mouth at this point, the crumbs sticking to her cheeks and the front of her shirt. She grinned happily, thankful she agreed to Yelena’s scheming plot.

“Mama! That’s mine!”

Natasha shook her head. “No Y/n, those aren’t the rules, you know that.”

Isla smacked her palm against the tabletop. “I’m not Y/n! She is!” She pointed at her sister harshly, who was licking the crumbs from her fingertips. “We switched!”

“Isla!” Y/n whined, “You weren’t supposed to spoil it!”

“I’m not losing my cookie, give it to me!”

“No,” Y/n said with a grin. “Mama said you can’t have one, so you can’t.”

“I hate you!”

Natasha watched the scene unfold, with Yelena looking more and more concerned. The blonde turned to her sister for help, but was met with only a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Do something!” Yelena hissed, but Natasha shook her head.

“Absolutely not,” Natasha said, leaning back in her chair. “It’s your mess, you fix it.”

“Tell her Aunt Lena!” Isla cried, tears threatening to spill. “Tell her I’m Isla! I’m not Y/n.”

Whilst Isla was nearing a breakdown, Y/n’s mean streak thickened. “These cookies really are good.”

“Mama please!”

Natasha rounded the table and placed a kiss on Isla’s forehead before passing her the biggest cookie from the tin. “Here baby, you’re okay,” she soothed, gently wiping her tears. “But your Aunt is an idiot. I did know it was you all along Isl’s, I’m sorry baby.” She picked her daughter up and set her on her lap, holding her close as she ate her cookie.

Yelena’s mouth fell open. “You knew?”

“From the moment ‘Isla’ ran to me first.” Yelena hit the table, muttering ‘dammit’ under her breath. “A mother always know, Yel. Always.”

[basilbots]

That's it? That's the conclusion for these characters? That was just retroactively making multiple arcs feel pointless.

So they killed Nexus. Not really a surprise, but not any less disappointing. We have Nexus' entire story now, and it is extremely unsatisfying, New Moon having so much promise and an interesting direction for his character only for that same character to be quickly assassinated for the sake of Old Moon returning. Full rant undercut. Primarily making this just to vent out a lot (but not all because there's too much to talk about) of my feelings regarding Nexus.

Let's start with just New Moon, I'm going to admit I did not like the concept of him first. But not actually because I disliked NM as a character, but because Old Moon's death bothered me. It felt like OM was so bad that they didn't want to go through the effort of having him improve, so he was killed off instead so he didn't have to do any of that, escaping responsibility. We'll get back to that point later. However NM itself was fun, and I especially enjoyed seeing all the struggles that came from OM's existence how it influenced his relationship with Sun how NM tried so hard to not be like him while also having to fill that role.

And then Solar died, and New Moon spiraled in his grief. He was devastated, he felt like he had to fix it, nightmares and hallucinations prevented him from moving on, and he understandably lashed out at the others when they tried to stop him for a reason that boiled down to "but killing is bad though". Let it be clear that yes yelling at his family was bad and hurt them, but painful arguments in family esp when fueled by grief like this is a normal thing, and tbh nothing NM said was worse than things OM had done not out of grief but just out of anger. Which makes the fact this was treated as a huge deal that meant NM was being cut out of the family for worrying, and later on EXTREMELY worrying when they pushed the idea of KILLING him. What the fuck. For what, because he was Planning on doing something morally grey that Unintentionally could have greater spanning consequences? You can't just stop him normally we have multiple characters pushing for murder when we just established that murder is bad? This whole execution of NM being terrible and so big a threat that killing him was on the table is so forced and rushed, I hoped it was just a fumble of an execution to get to Nexus who would have a better arc, but now I can't help but feel that they were just trying to get rid of NM regardless of if it made sense. Because at this point he hadn't really done anything to warrant this, not up until the last moment when he didn't care about Earth being in the line of fire, which we immediately see him regretting in the next ep until Dark Sun comes along and any regret has "mysteriously" vanished.

Dark Sun is a great example of Nexus' development being littered with hints that things are not as they seem and that Nexus' downward spiral is being influenced by something,,, which never gets seriously addressed as to why Nexus happened. From the start NM's descent is called sudden and extreme, we see Dark Sun obviously manipulate the situation to make this all happen, we see Nexus' head literally being messed with by Dark Sun, Nexus starts messing with a power known to be corrupting, etc. Is any of this ever treated as a potential reason or Nexus' behavior? Nope! He's just evil sorry. We shot down the idea of a virus or Rex infecting him while pointedly ignoring nsp potentially affecting his mental state or Dark Sun clearly manipulating him. Let's just ignore how much this switch up doesn't make sense because we need to make Nexus feel irredeemable and that he did all this himself for Old Moon to come back.

Because oh yeah Old Moon came and even though he sucks he became the better option even before Nexus did anything because ??? it's been a long time so we have all forgotten how bad you were. Mr beats his brother regularly, literally threatened to murder Sun for not being able to control Eclipse, last moments with Sun was trapping him in a box and wrecking his mental state further. Yeah that guy has been treated as better than New Moon ever since NM yelled at Sun and Earth y'know when he had barely done shit. The point I made about how I felt like Old Moon's death was a way for him to get out of improving himself? Yeah that's validated now, because OM is successfully doing that even more egregiously than I feared originally. He literally got to swoop in as the better option not because he had actually improved himself, but because time has made us forget how bad he was and Nexus is being cartoonishly evil in comparison. I hate this. And now with Nexus dead and Old Moon for sure staying around I can't help but feel like New Moon's existence was,,, pointless. A year's worth of character development from one of our main protagonists down the drain because it was all just a buffer of NM doing the work of improving as a brother for OM. New Moon's gone and Old Moon has taken his place as totally improved Moon brother, but we've swapped out the identity struggle with NM to OM failing to not be a dick to Sun multiple times. But this has yet to be addressed because it's small potatoes and unlike with Nexus he's only doing this to Sun so who cares right? I would say New Moon's personal issues also end up never addressed, but they do actually! All of his fears regarding his place in the family came true, but he's dead so who is going to talk about that now.

I could go on about how much Nexus did not do enough to earn his death, that having Nexus' main targets being Ruin and Old Moon while he didn't hurt his family nearly as much did the opposite of make him feel irredeemable, that Moon being the main protagonist pushing for Nexus to die while everyone else had conflicted feelings did not make me cheer for Moon it made me want to see Sun punch him, but I'm going to refrain and focus on how Nexus' being dead and gone ruins arcs for me. So New Moon was pointless and just a set up to make Old Moon look better when he came back, but surely Nexus did something for Dark Sun's plans? ... Dark Sun didn't have any plan beyond making Sun kill Nexus, and left with an air of finality that even for a chronic liar makes me doubt he'll come back in the capacity I want him to? Oh. So the Nexus arc didn't have a point either, and Dark Sun feels lackluster if this was really it. Nexus was just a spare Moon for Sun to kill against his will, and since Dark Sun doesn't seem interested in using that as a way to personally manipulate Sun further into hating Moon's or anything like that Sun is just going to be sad he killed his brother… Just like he was when Old Moon originally died. If I were to be extremely pessimistic and oversimplifying things I'd say this just further proves New Moon shouldn't have been a thing at all, they should have just waited a bit for OM to be revived after he died to have this same effect with Sun mourning.

The thing that will (just barely) save New Moon/Nexus for me, the thing I wanted to wait to see the follow up for (before I realized this rant was too long already and got impatient), is how his death personally affects the characters. All of them. He needs to haunt the narrative for the rest of the story just like Old Moon was doing. Nexus was not just an antagonist, he was not just the obligatory villain of the arc that got fumbled as has happened before, he was our main character for a year, he was their brother for a year, and he should be remembered as such. The family should remember their young brother that they failed (because they do admit they made mistakes with Nexus even if it wasn't the leading cause to his fall) who will never come back, and he should not be completely forgotten in a months time just because Old Moon is here to be the good Moon brother now and Nexus died a villain. If no one cares to remember him, who he was, then what was the point of him?

[papercupids]

are you sure?

pairing -> mingyu x reader. (gender neutral).

words -> 600+

warnings -> none.

genre -> fluff, established relationship!au, comfort.

a/n -> tbh this is very self indulgent of me but i love writing these small scenarios for the loml so much <3

synopsis -> when a nightmare shakes you up, you’re just glad mingyu has strong instincts when it comes to you. inspired by "are you sure?" by loote.

you're staring at him when his eyes open, and he’s sure he felt it subconsciously, why else would he just wake up at 6 am on a saturday without that, it takes a minute for him to adjust to his consciousness, let alone to the fact that you were staring at him. 

and you swear you didn’t mean to stare at him like that but it was one of the times when you're in deep thinking and you don’t even realize you're staring at something, which this time happened to be processing the details of your dreams. 

he squints and makes a questioning noise, in his morning voice, he asks, "what happened?"

"is everything okay?" he interrogates again after the lack of response from your side.

"hmmm," you hum, diverting your gaze from him and turning to lay on your back on the bed, as opposed to your body being turned to his side.

"you were in my dream,"

"is that, like, a bad thing?" 

"no, dumbo, it's not a bad thing but," you pause, would it be okay to say this out loud? you were never expressive in the first place and it wasn't a problem for you because mingyu made up for it but now, to admit that you dreamt that he finally left you after getting sick of you was to lay yourself vulnerable and you hadn't done that in any of your relationships. and you were scared that if you did tell, people would use it against you, not that mingyu would, you know that. his eyes, they're so concerned and looking at you confused, waiting for you to continue. 

"well, i saw you leaving me," you say finally, in a quiet voice.

"huh," mingyu lies thinking about the equation like that.

"i can't believe you would do that to me," you whine softly.

"baby, i-" kim mingyu is at a loss for words, it was funny and cute that you thought he had say in your dreams. so he wrapped his hands around waist.

"baby, that wasn’t me, you know that,"

"but what if, someday?"

he presses a kiss on your cheek. "it won't be, baby, i promise,"

"are you sure?" you look into his eyes. the dream felt so real. you just hoped you would never see hate for yourself in those eyes.

"i do, i love you, and i would never just up and leave. never ever, i swear."

you nod. he looks into your eyes to check if you believe him. there's a pause where he closes his eyes and leans in for a kiss, soft and gentle, with his hands cupping your face and he attaches your forehead with his when it ends. 

when he pulls away, he holds up his small finger. "i pinky promise,"

to that you can't help but laugh, you love this man so much.

"hey, wait, you didn’t pinky promise it to me,"

"i'm asleep, kim mingyu, already sleeping, i can't hear you," you tease, closing your eyes.

after a while, when the chaos has died down, he holds you close as you both attempt to fall asleep again, it's no time to wake up right now, especially with the exhausting week you've both had.

"you don't feel like i'm bothering you, do you? when i keep on asking for reassurance that you still love me?" you whisper-ask him, you have enough trust in him to know that it's not true but it keeps on creeping in your mind sometimes.

"no, baby, i understand, it's fine, i'm right here. It’s not a bother at all, in fact it just reminds me that i love you and to keep on reminding you of that as well," he emphasises his point by stroking your hair behind your ear, and just letting his hands softly remind you that he was here, just by your side.

"i love you," you finally conclude. and you can't see it with your back to him but you know he's grinning.

[redr0sewrites]

can u do aaravos x reader hcs of them when they get into a fight and then make up afterwards

like ofc aaravos gets really scary when he's angry but i feel like he'd be the one to immediately apologize if he goes too far

and if he gets really pouty then reader does cute and silly things to cheer him up

eeee i got this req last night and i was so excited to write it!!!! i love my star boy ♥️

🥀Cw: some angst (with comfort), aaravos is Bad At Feelings™️, arguing, aaravos sucks at communicating somtimes smh, he also has attatchment issues

fights with aaravos dont happen often, but when they do they can get nasty

he can get petty sometimes, and is also very stubborn. it can be hard to change his mind, and he can sometimes get offended, thinking that u dont trust him or that u think hes incapable

it will usually start off as something small, like for example ur worried ab him overworking himself

aaravos will jump to conclusions and blow it out of proportion, he'll think that ur losing faith in him and that ur going to leave him

tbh hes his own worst enemy cuz his fear of losing u just makes him act nasty and cruel during fights which only pushes u away

during the heat of the moment, aaravos might say some things he doesnt mean

he can be pretty scary when angry, hes like a cornered animal and gets defensive over anything

afterwards, he will feel esp bad

if he made u cry, the guilt will be eating at him for hours

aaravos will sit silently beside u and be going over what to say, but when he opens his mouth he just gets really anxious. after fights and when ur really upset with him are one of the only times u will ever see him unsure, normally hes always so calculating and put together but he is not good at apologizing

he will try his hardest to apologize tho

hes a firm believer of the "dont go to sleep angry" rule and will talk to u as soon as hes calm

once aaravos isnt angry, hes pretty levelheaded and mature when communicating ab an argument u two had

but only if he was in the wrong

if U were wrong, he will pout and be bratty ab it

hes too clingy to ignore u, but will literally be hugging u cuz hes scared u'll leave while pouting and side eying u while saying hes angry (he isnt, hes just a little bitch)

if he was wrong, he'll dote on u and be very sweet and gentle for the next few days

the worst thing u can do is ignore him, aaravos loves attention, ESPECIALLY ur attention and u ignoring him lets him know that he fucked up bad

if u were wrong, he will want to be pampered and will wait for u to apologize on ur own time

depending on whether or not ur a hot-headed person, arguments can last for as short as a few minutes to lasting a few days of the both of u being petty

after any argument, no matter how small or who was right or wrong, aaravos always ends up being clingy and needy

hes afraid u'll leave, he doesnt want to be alone again and doesnt want to lose u

however he will poke fun at u cuz hes just like that 🙄

"aww, is my little star upset? ur so cute when u pout my dear, how could i not tease u?"

aaravos could never get physical in fights, he sees that as a huge red flag

if u flinch in an argument, he immediately stops, there is nothing more important to him than making sure ur safe and that will break through any level of anger that he has

the idea of u being scared of him makes aaravos scared cuz, as previously stated, he is SO FUCKING AFRIAD OF LOSING U😭

if hes being a pouty little bitch after an argument, it's honestly so easy to cheer him up

how to cheer up a pouting aaravos:

1. cuddles 2. food 3. talking it out 4. playing with his hair 5. REASSURING HIM U ARENT LEAVING HIM

overall, aaravos overthinks things, and that leads to most of ur arguments but he will recognize when hes wrong and take responsibility. he can be difficult and downright irritating at times, but he tries his best to be a good person (elf???) for u and loves u unconditionally

the little bitch (affectionate) is constantly afraid that u'll leave him

PLSSS I LOVE HIM SM 😭 hes both very mature and immature and its so funny

[toons-and-doom]

(This the response for @asilikesshit I accidentally deleted the ask- I think it was along the lines of like, a hypothetical real dandy world episode but it’s corrupted due to being in a tape for awhile, dandy’s world being lost media, and like- dandy transforming for the first time? )

Imagine if the episode starts out normal but as time progresses the episode gets weirder and weirder until it’s nearly unrecognizable (hehehe parallels to twisted go brrrrr)

Tbh I wanna eventually get around to exploring dandy’s world through a lost media thing. After gardenview closes, all the episodes are pulled off the air and all merch is discontinued. Since this is the early 2000s it’s not recorded well and now in the modern day very few peices of media exist including the toons-

Now Onto dandy

Cw for body horror, emetophobia, gore of the skin variety, and potentially bad writing I felt a lil snazzy and did this all in one day. Its also kinda rambley and there is NO planning plus im tired af

TLDR; It wasn’t fun to say the least. It was a little gross to

No 2nd reading or beta read either we die like the toon handlers probably did

Sorry if this is ooc, and dandy is fucked up when twisted in cannon when I finally design him I’m gonna try and make him make sense so he doesn’t right here

Anyways thank you to my pals on discord for giving me ideas

Now I can finally sleep

Enjoy :3

The first time it happened it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Dandy should have paid attention to how that off feeling had been building up the last few days. Maybe he should haven’t gotten so worked up about this whole ichor operation- Astro was gonna be quiet and none of the others knew. Not that he could help it. If he were to be caught the consequences would have been heavy- perhaps he would have gotten rewritten and redrawn entirely.

Maybe he should have been more cautious and not gotten some ichor onto himself.

Maybe he shouldn’t have then proceeded to continue on with his experiments with said ichor.

One second, dandy had been going back to his resting quarters, taking the long as to avoid any employees which still remain. The next, he’s suddenly doubled over on the floor, his hands having barely caught himself. He shivered. It was like he had been dunked in cold water, a feeling which only intensified as he inhaled shakily.

Dandy tried to will himself to get up, yet his limbs felt painfully stiff, uncoordinated. He gave up getting up when his hands nearly gave out and he’s almost sent face first into the floor. He initially wonders if he had come down with something, but something this intense doesn’t come on this suddenly.. unless-?

Something is pushing its way out up Dandy’s throat. It somehow both burns and freezes his insides. Now dandy’s wondering if it’s something he ate- food poisoning maybe? no, it can’t be that, the only thing he ate today was a cupcake sprout made. Sprout usually made edible food.

Dandy gagged as whatever his body was rejecting oh so violently finally began to choke him. His hands gave out, leaving himself only propped up by his elbows as he heaved. When that something finally did come out, thankfully it seemed to come out all at once. Something about it felt fundamentally wrong but dandy couldn’t exactly tell what- his body gasping for breath. Once dandy could begin to focus again would he begin to dare at whatever caused such a reaction and-

Oh.

Oh.

That wasn’t bile. Or food.

That was ichor.

He knew his little hobby was eventually going to catch up to him- but not this soon.

Dandy mustered the strength to pull himself away from the ichor, now he lied on his back. He knew far too well what pure ichor did to somebody. Just a little bit of it killed humans. It needed to be diluted to be safe for them. While toons like himself could get closer than a human ever could, it wasn’t a good idea.

Strange enough, the cold sensation is beginning to fade, but it’s rapidly being replaced by burning instead. Perhaps ichor brought fever along with it-?

Dandy is brought back to reality as his tongue brushed up against something sharp. A shakey hand comes up to his mouth, and he feels his teeth. In a second he withdrew his hand, a small cut leaking ichor onto the mitten like appendage.

Oh god.

What is he supposed to do-? He’s heard of toons who explode when exposed to pure ichor- is this a symptom you experience before exploding-?!

Think dandy- you can’t die right now- think!

Water. He needs to get water. Dilute the ichor inside him. Yeah. There’s gotta be a sink nearby- maybe if he’s sneaky he can pretend none of this happened!

With newfound determination, dandy pushed himself up onto his feet. Doing such a thing was near impossible considering how uncoordinated he is- and he had to hold onto the wall to stabilize himself. He looks to his right. The door wasn’t that far- he just needed to find water-

So he took a step.

And another

And another

Each step felt like he was walking on hot coals, and dandy couldn’t help but notice how difficult it was getting to remain upright. With each step the wall became more and more of a godsend. He couldn’t help but whine, he’s not used to this kind of pain at all. He tries to power through it as best he can, even as he notices how he seemed almost taller.

He could not ponder this, one misplaced step has sent him back to the ground. He was only barely able to shield his face from impact. He tried to get up once more, less out of determination and more out of a desperate attempt to survive. His legs simply did not cooperate with him, limp but not numb.

Dandy would have opted to crawl, but a morbid curiosity overtakes him. He turns his head, and he nearly wants to throw up.

He doesn’t think his feet are supposed to bend like that. He doesn’t think they are supposed to be that long either. His ankle isn’t supposed to be that high, nor his arch that long. While toons are naturally stretchy, dandy could feel his skin beginning to give way to the sudden growth, unable to adapt at such a rapid pace. He could begin to see a black coating underneath. He doesn’t think muscles look like that either.

The shape vaguely reminds him of a animal’s leg,

Dandy quickly turns his head around. Change in plans- he needs to find an employee. To hell with his plan of secrecy- he’d rather have at least a chance at living! He screams out for help, for anyone really, his handler, one of the employees, he’d even take up his chances with a janitor at this point.

His voice echos across the halls, and he doubts anyone hears him.

So now he crawls towards the door, though it is less crawling and more so just dragging his body against the cold tile floor. He could downright feel the skin throw thinner and thinner.

Snap!

Something slid off his foot.

Dandy already knew what it was. He was already shrieking- hands grasping onto his petals for any semblance of comfort. His hands could only remain on the petals for so long before even that became painful.

Focus. He needed to get help-

Thus, he dragged himself forward like a wounded animal escaping an inevitable fate. The door was so close now- he just needs muster the willpower to get up and reach-

It was only now dandy is beginning to realize the sorry state of his hands. His thumbs were slowly being shriveled up to the point of being absolutely useless. He could feel something lurking just under the flesh of his hands- not like the ichor which coats his body under his skin. It does not stretch his skin until it snaps, rather, it slices through the skin rather effortlessly- a much more merciful agony but still agony nonetheless.

…

Dandy now has three sharp digits on each hand, slowly twitching as he holds one hand up to his face. Each digit represents a color of the rainbow, like his petals…

Maybe dandy would have found it cute if he didn’t feel like he was dying.

… at least now that’s the worst of his problems. The pain from his feel was beginning to subside, and he could tolerate the horrors his hands are undergoing, he might be fine if he can just-

…

it’s like he’s getting too large for his skin. All at once, it’s like he’s tripled in size. The strain is far too much to bear- and dandy is completely lost in the agony and haze beginning to engulf him.

Bones shatter. Skin tears like ribbons

Dandy’s very likeness, torn to shreds, a monster left in its place.

He wants to wake up. He wants to hug pebbles tightly right now. He wants to see the others- he wants to see Astro-

But no. This is his punishment by some sick god.

By the time it is over, dandy does not have the strength to continue, and collapses.

…

The monster comes to, and it quickly gets on its feet. The fluorescents above it hurt its red eyes, and it squints. It appears to be in a hallway of some sort. How it got there does not matter to it.

Not much matters to it. Besides a simple instruction; kill those not like it.

And thank god it can hear someone coming.

~~~

He’s okay guys he’ll learn how to change himself back and learn how to be conscious during the whole thing.

Now I can finally rest

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Hey ho, have you seen The Creator (2023) yet? Unsubtly about US imperialism, but also really moving, aesthetically stunning (Greig Fraser as DP, oh yeah) and John David Washington killing it in the main role. I was surprised by how much there was to love. xoxo

I fucking LOVED The Creator and kept trying to write something about it here but never managed to collect my thoughts. But yeah what a fucking movie, oh my god. I feel like it kind of got buried by lack of publicity but tbh I am not that surprised because it's one of those movies with politics that make you think how the fuck did they get away with making this.

Gareth Edwards, like Villeneuve, is a director I've been paying attention to for a while now, ever since his 2010 movie Monsters, which was a really impressive low-budget sci-fi with effects that just looked seamless and interesting things to say about borders and the human cost of militarized responses to disastrous events.

And then he did Rogue One and pulled off something very impressive, which is to take one of the most famous sci-fi weapons of our era--the Death Star, a metaphor for nuclear weapons so iconic it has become a symbol in itself--and made it actually fucking scary for the first time in the history of the franchise. And he did it by turning the camera around.

Because the thing is that before this point, we had only ever seen the Death Star from the point of view of the people firing it. The idea of a planet-destroying weapon is intellectually horrifying but we didn't really ever feel it. Because for that we need to see the weapon from the point of view of its victims. It's such a simple but radical shift in perspective, and I feel like Gareth Edwards took that idea from Rogue One and then made it into a whole movie with The Creator.

The Creator, for those unfamiliar with the premise, is about a near-future counterinsurgency war in which the US military is hunting down various forms of AI/android/robot beings. It also features a space-based super-weapon that is eerily beautiful but goddamn fucking terrifying. It was mostly shot in southeast Asia and heavily evokes Vietnam War imagery (as the ending of Rogue One did as well); it is probably about as close to "Vietnam War movie but you're rooting for the Vietnamese" as it is possible to make in the American studio system. The protagonist is still an American soldier (who defects and "goes native" fairly early in the movie) but making him a Black disabled veteran was certainly a Choice. And yes it's John David Washington and he's great in it.

It feels facetious to say The Creator is Reverse Terminator, because it's much richer than that, but it's also kind of fucking true. For the entire movie, the characters are just running for their lives from the implacable and overwhelming destructive force of the US military which is just crushing everything in its path.

The movie does a lot of things that you simply do not see in most American war movies, but the one that stands out to me the most is that in every scene of war violence there are civilians, including children, fucking everywhere. It really threw into relief for me how often American war-action movies create these empty video game environments for soldiers to run around in, where any actual people who might live in the place where the war is happening are at best props and at worst completely absent. (Alex Garland's Civil War, in addition to being terrible in every other conceivable way, is a particularly bad offender at this.) The Creator does what really should be the bare minimum of taking time to showing that these are people whose homes and lives are being destroyed and it is shocking how novel it seems. (There's a line that plays in my head all the time where one of the AI characters says something to the effect of, "Do you know what will happen to the humans when we win this war? Nothing. We simply want to live.") I will also say that this made it a very intense watch in late October 2023 in particular, but it is fiction so we get a very satisfying and cathartic ending. And yes it is an absolutely gorgeous movie, the VFX are mind-blowing, and I found it quite moving.

[navarice]

my dearest fellow mdzs stans, i really don't want to spoil anyone's fun but sometimes some things must be said. please do NOT mistake fanon characteristics for canon characteristics because by GOD is it frustrating to dissect a character when all anyone wants to do is blindly turn away from the very vivid and metastasizing flaws.

jiang cheng is an extremely complicated character, and that's why we love him. but by god, he is a jealous, self-victimizing asshole with a massive inferiority complex who likes to torture (probably) innocent look-a-likes of his (as far as he knew) dead adjacent family member. jesus christ this isn't some simple case of miscommunication (well it is but, you know no amount of communication will ever mend the giant chasm that developed between them. especially not with asians raised within the most classical case of asian parenting, i mean come on now) but a matter of deep and intense self-loathing developed since early childhood projecting violently outwards. let me be clear. he hates wei wuxian. he loathes him. he wants to kill him with his own hands again and again so some part of his convoluted sense of justice and superiority will be fulfilled. he's a classist, a bully, and abusive to everyone around him. ong at the end of mdzs, i was nearly crying tears of joy when jin guangyao flayed him flat on his ass bc that man needed to hear it. he needed to feel it. he needed to stop blaming others and blame himself.

and!! he's homophobic!! the entire cultivation world is, yes, but he's the only one we see give wei ying and lan zhan active shit for it!!

point is...his complexity makes him interesting. as a child, he was pretty alright tbh. he was understandably upset when three of his dogs got taken away and he saw his dad give a completely random kid such a gentle hug when jiang cheng never received one so far. he was a kid, and it was sad and helped the readers get a glimpse at the already dysfunctional family dynamics before wei ying came into the picture. as an adolescent/teen, yes he had a lot of unresolved rage and inferiority issues building up when he was constantly being compared to wei wuxian by his mother and not given enough reassurance from his father (once again, all present before wei ying...everyone just likes to dump the shit on him bc it's easier to point fingers at others than at yourself). perhaps he could have turned out differently if literally either of his parents stepped up and took accountability. however, after the burning of lotus pier? after the golden core transfer? after wei ying stuck around as his subordinate just as he promised, and protected jiang cheng like he promised, and defected just to save the yunmeng clan's reputation so jiang cheng doesn't have to put up with the other clan's shit, still continuing to keep his promise? after wei ying's death? idk abt y'all, but all bets are off bro.

mxtx makes it a point to make him so irredeemable. he's an exploration of what can go wrong if you let your traumas, self-hatred, and revenge fantasies blind you. he has the worst traits of his parents for a reason, directly contrasting with the other sibling, who is a perfect picture of eldest daughters born into a dysfunctional family. jiang yanli has the best traits of her parents (in terms of compassion and standing up for her family), but the family dynamics also made her the way she was. the responsible, the mediator, the occasional mother, stepping in where madam yu cannot.

there's just so much potential to hold him accountable buried under the pretense of misunderstandings and kinnie moments. he just had so many chances, more than any other character, to make a different choice. to actually look past his misgivings and unlearn the bad habits he used to protect himself as a child. i'm not saying he has to magically heal from all his traumas, but at the very least know not to be like his parents. but he wasn't written that way. because that is what happens when you give into your insecurities and generational trauma.

bottom line: jiang cheng is a fantastic archetype that needs to be explored in all his authenticity, including his moments of loyalty and cruelty.

[not-poignant]

Im really sorry if this is too personal please ignore me if it is but i saw your post just at the right time and im just, im struggling in my twenties at the thought of possibly having did right now. And you say you "used to", can i ask how you healed?

A lot of therapy, anon.

It does tend to show up in someone's 20s, and I went the path of Internal Family Systems Therapy (also known as IFS or IFST) which is extremely useful alongside the three C's (Compassion, Communication, Co-Consciousness).

I wasn't aiming to eliminate any alters, and anyone who wanted to stay as a separate alter could, but I taught myself through the help of other/s to be self-compassionate, to open up opportunities and methods for communication (which also included art, writing, journalling, etc. in fact the very first tumblr that 'I' ever made was actually made by an alter, and was originally called artforartists - it's now renamed and run by 'me' because Dani has absorbed back into the system, but you can still go to the earliest entries and see her in them.

It took a few years and I didn't rush things. The main thing to know is that while it feels extreme, it usually comes about as a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation, and it usually becomes very manageable with self-compassion (to all yourselves), impartial judgement, open communication, compromise (i.e. if you have an alter that wants to play video games 24/7 to the point that you're losing weeks of memory, find out small areas of compromise where they can be given something in exchange for something), and sharing consciousness where possible (co-consciousness).

It's very scary at first but imho for me personally, it has been the 'easiest' of all of my diagnosed disorders to deal with. I still have severe treatment-resistant depression and I still have severe treatment-resistant PTSD/C-PTSD, but my DID went into remission after about 4 targeted years of therapy. It's now DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which means I don't have the symptoms enough to qualify for DID anymore, but I still have a system prone to dissociation / derealisation / depersonalisation and I have days where some alters are fronting a bit more than the central self, but I usually just use it as a sign that I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, rather than a sign that there's something wrong with me.

I'm extremely zen about it, tbh. And look, I didn't have the goal of 'absorbing' my alters (or them dying or w/e), I didn't set out with the idea of getting rid of it so much as learning how to live with different people who have different opinions about things in my head. But through the course of IFST and giving everyone a voice, that started to happen anyway. Healing doesn't always mean 'getting rid of alters' it mostly just means getting a handle on the memory loss (which is the most severe part of the disorder for me) and the polarisation so that it becomes regular dissonance and not so distressing it causes someone to switch. A person can be fully healed from DID and still have alters that front, if there's co-consciousness and communication for example. This was actually what I was aiming for, it just didn't end up being my outcome.

You may not be able to access therapy or IFST, and it can be hard to find DID-friendly therapists who know what they're doing, but you can actually look up and explore IFST on places like Instagram and in books like No Bad Parts and start doing the work gently already. (IFST isn't just or only for DID patients, but it is uniquely very well suited to them).

It can be very scary at first, anon, to think you might have this. Because it's a highly stigmatised and misunderstood disorder. At its root it can be understood as 'a child who didn't understand how to cope with something, at the time of personality formation, just developed a new personality to deal with it. But as a result of this, their brain got so good at developing new personalities that it became a maladapted coping strategy, and as an adult they can learn ways to cope that aren't splitting, switching, or losing memory with compassion and self-understanding.'

And honestly we all have a lot of maladapted coping mechanisms and the whole journey of life is learning to unpack them, and repack some healthier coping mechanisms into the lunchbox. And that's really about it. Still very scary and upsetting to go through, but also not a mysterious, "insane" thing. <3333 If you can reach out for help, please consider it, but otherwise do look into IFST. I started working on those strategies long before I found a suitable therapist and I honestly feel like just the mindset of radical self-acceptance and self-compromise and self-compassion was - while extremely hard to do often - the key for me, and some of those things will at the very least be helpful for you.

[sweetkpopmusings]

seungkwan best friend headcanons <3

a/n: another post for another lovely anon ! seungkwan is, as we all know, an icon, and i'm very envious of anyone and everyone that gets to call him their best friend !!! pics not mine <3

content: fluff | wc: 0.8k | warnings: none! | pairing: bestfriend!seungkwan x gn!reader | requests: open

seungkwan, through and through, is your number one

he's the kind of friend that just immediately feels important because he Gets. It.

when you two are together, you're actually unstoppable

like two baddies one porsche can exist in the same room and that's you and seungkwan !!!

tbh if you are going to a party, hangout, event, etc together, he will want to coordinate outfits

"i don't care if it's lunch with seokmin-hyung and soonyoung-hyung we HAVE. TO. SERVE."

and serve you will!!!

he will also serve you plenty of iconic reactions during that lunch because booseoksoon is the trifecta of comedy and seungkwan's role is reminding everyone how insane dk and hoshi are lmao

he just LOVES exaggerating his facial expressions and reactions when he gets secondhand embarrassment

if you are the one who embarrasses him, which happens from time to time, he will never let you live it down

any time one of his members comments on how you're cool/funny/smart/etc seungkwan will start listing every uncool, not funny, dumb, and embarrassing thing you've ever done

he's even including your preteen embarrassing stories like ??? why is he trusted with these secrets they're simply ammunition

good luck trying to bring up any time he's made a fool of himself or replying to his roasts by using memes of him via text or by holding up your phone during the conversation that's what i would do

in response to your efforts, he will double down. you and your pride are not making it out of this conversation alive

like boy!!! shutup

but he will not. his love language is making fun of you <3 and calling you cute but that one's usually done behind your back because he doesn't want it to go to your head

he does want to build you up though. in a very genuine way, he wants you to be confident in who you are and he will destroy anyone and anything who gets in the way of that!!

he leans on you for that too

no matter what's on his mind or where he's at, he knows he can go to you for comfort and reassurance

he's also the kind of friend who is SO real with you

like he won't sugarcoat things and will be honest with you so you don't get into any situation/mindset that's bad for you

he's very thoughtful in his honesty, and he never gives any criticism without it being constructive

but he values your trust so he wants to repay that by being transparent and telling you what you need to hear, even if it's not what you want to hear

and because he works so hard to be that real with you, you naturally adopt that approach too

any time he comes to you with a question, high-stakes or low-stakes, he can expect 100% honesty

you two really just hold each other up <3

it's like the dynamic in booksmart when the girls are dramatically complimenting each other like THAT'S the energy you and seungkwan have

it's a friendship serve! it's a friendship slay!

he's always inviting you to do stuff

going to a party? you're invited. going shopping? you're invited. going across the street to get a coffee? you're invited.

he just loves being in your presence and wants to hang out as much as he can between both of your schedules

like whenever he's with you he's having the time of his life

sure a lot of the time he shows it by rolling his eyes at you or deadpanning to anyone in the vicinity / the imaginary camera

but when he sees you he just goes :D because that's his bestie right there!!!!

y'all jam out together

karaoke is a state of mind

and seungkwan is the embodiment of that

he's the kind of best friend you blast lizzo with while you're dancing around the living room in your pjs

speaking of pjs

he actually loves sleepovers

like even if you can't spend the night together, he wants optimal sleepover activities and energy whenever possible

he probably buys you matching fuzzy hairbands to wear while you do sheet masks and watch movies :,-) they're ridiculous and that's why you love them :,-)

will take seventeen quizzes with you and laugh his ass off no matter which member you get assigned. unless it's him. then he is BEAMING with pride

and he will brag about it to every single one of his members, saying wow! my impact! so powerful!

if you're there when he's bragging, you absolutely need to drag him on how you're morphing into him because you're losing brain cells or something

seventeen will die laughing and praise you like the champion you are

meanwhile seungkwan goes from shocked to angry to impressed to proud

because once again he's thinking "that's my best friend right there!!!!"

all in all, seungkwan is the kind of bestie who makes you laugh harder than anyone else, and he's someone you can trust more than anyone else :,-)

he's loyal, caring, funny, and ready to fight at all times <3 good luck <3

seungkwan hmu if you're free this weekend we can get iced americanos and blast 00s pop music !!!

[ac-liveblogs]

Your "what if genshin was a traditional party rpg" au has made me think (besides that it's lovely and the ideas are incredible <3) that someone up there who is in charge of making decisions for HSR Knows that the fans expect more ppl to get added to the party

...and constantly baits the fans bc. Idk hatred or smth. It happened w serval, it happened w misha (😭), it's happening w sunday. Kinda sick of it by know tbh it feels very mean

Anyways what do you think makes this structure work vs a static cast? Is it the sense of progression?

TYVM <3 That means a lot! I think you're right… Genshin these days tries to set up a "party" for each region, but barely gives any characters involved any attention and kinda. Shuffles them out of focus when they're done with them. Kachina and Mualani most recently… Can't get over them, honestly.

HSR just consistently prioritises new characters over existing ones, which isn't always a bad thing, but when the story is literally meant to be about, say, Dan Heng…

Re; Genshin rewrite, I think progression is a good word for it. I wanted to mould Genshin into the type of RPG I like best - the ones where over-arching plot progression, personal character arcs and inter-party relationship building are all paced out over the course of the story, all impacting each other in meaningful ways.

Genshin as is doesn't really do that. Character arcs are hit with the fast-forward button and localised to each region (one single patch within that region if you're very unlucky), and the Traveler and Paimon are very static characters. There hasn't been a single 'emotional' hook in Genshin that has actually ever caught me, because I don't care about Big Bad Things happening if I don't care about the characters involved, and Genshin is really bad at selling me on them.

"Oh, MC's sibling got kidnapped. Why do I care, I don't know them. Is the Traveler sad about it? Abstractly, I guess? I don't care about the Traveler though, and the sibling barely shows up or does anything interesting." > complete indifference to the entire major intended emotional hook of the game.

On the flipside, just showing a party traveling together, bonding, having emotional responses to the plots they run into gets me invested in them, so I care about their personal arcs and want them to save the world (or whatever it is they're up to).

So I guess I just wanted the game to have steadier pacing to make the plots feel more meaningful. (and boss battles, too! bosses with relationships with the playable characters can be so fun and make the fights more relevant!)

[icedmetaltea]

Hi! I just finished reading Special Treatment and I wonder, do you remember how you planned to end it? You can ignore this ask if you don't feel like talking about it.

It's all good! No worries no worries *patpat*

Pretty anticlimactically tbh... No matter how many times I wrote out the draft it didn't seem right. Not good enough for the amount of time I put it off ya know?? Like there was too much hype and I wasn't equipped with the know-how to make it, ya know, good.

There was gonna be two endings: 1. One that was gonna be a sort of crack fluff ending where y/n gets tricked into marrying them via some contract. They stay at the daycare and decide against leaving (well not like they can but they're more cool with it) and live happily ever after~

2. Another that was the "canon" ending where there was gonna be a play. It started out with Y/n waking up to some ready made breakfast and getting to chill while Sun was down setting things up, and since they wanted to surprise Sun/Moon since it was their "last day" n all, they decided to go back into their room behind the platform (weird floor plan) to do some cleaning, as it is strewn with toys, craft supplies, dust, all that jazz... low and behold they find their broken phone/keycard in the closet while looking for a mop and put the pieces together. Sun/Moon find them, mess with communications so the daycare remains closed but Kai gets an email that they're holding a special play just for y/n to see them off since it's their last day so he comes... Wondering where y/n is (they're tied up upstairs lol) but remains unsuspicious. The curtain draws, boom y/n is up on the castle platform, their arms tied above their head with a flashlight strapped between their wrists so it's pointing down toward the stage. Sun/Moon would be acting out the scenes via the use of said flashlight (... since they were shakin real bad watching Kai fight for his mcfucking LIFE they had a pretty hard time controlling it). Sun would act out the scenes of the "daring prince" while Moon would be the "evil wizard" or something and each time Moon got his moment in the not-spotlight he'd creep toward Kai and eventually "accidentally" break a couple of his bones with their bare hand and possibly (probably) kill him.

Ofc in the end no matter if it was Sun or Moon in control, that guy would be toast. Rip Kai but tbh you were a pervert to y/n anyway sO IT'S FINE (Author justifies murder more at 5)

But yea after all that, it's kinda implied y/n is just gonna be kept there from now on till le good old fashioned Stockholm syndrome kicks in and they can be trusted to go back to helping out with daycare stuff. Sun/Moon again messed with communications so they like sent an email to management and the outside world that y/n changed their mind about quitting.

Rather dark! But I (and I take it some of ya'll) happen to have the specific fantasy of wanting to be kidnapped by yandere robots and have all my needs taken care of and never deal with any adult responsibilities and be loved to an obsessive degree SO it all works out~

[bbygirl-aemond]

You may already be aware, but I actually found ppl going back and forth on Reddit about a post you'd made on here (re Viserys being a shite parent). It's under r/HouseOfTheDragon in case you ever wanted to check it out. I just recognized your name, as I follow you and it was shared as a screenshot from here.

lmao i will never get over how wild reposting on the internet actually is. that fucker has over a thousand comments and i had no idea until you told me just now! literally made a reddit account to try to add my voice to the din just to encourage people to discuss on the original platform so i can see but tbh people on reddit are a lot meaner than tumblr so i won't be mad if it doesn't get too many upvotes.

reddit's responses to this post is such an interesting case study in the polarization that's happening everywhere online. i get SO MANY accusations of being wildly biased from supporters of both "teams" all the time and it's funny because like am i too team green or too team black bc i can't be both right? mostly i think it's because people get really defensive when you criticize a character and assume it means you hate them. like bruh we are adults with big girl emotions can't it be a little more complex than that?

when i say i think viserys is a bad parent, i'm not saying it as team green propaganda. i've said before that rhaenyra is the rightful ruler and that i absolutely adore her as a character (let's just say aemond isn't my only babygirl). there's a reason i've written 100k+ words of fanfic designing a political scenario where she'll be able to happily rule without any of her children dying. spoiler alert: it's not because i hate her and think she's a bad ruler. and she's far from the only character on team black i love: daemon, jacaerys, lucerys, and baela all come to mind.

it's also really interesting to me that people see my opinion about viserys and, even though i literally did not mention rhaenyra, assume that i'm somehow shitting on her. it just goes to show how much they stand blindly by one team or another. that to criticize one member of their "team" feels to them like you're criticizing every member. like baby, i'm not the one making it about teams: you are! honestly, i understand why the team mentality was a good marketing move, but it really has been the death of critical thinking in this fandom. there are aspects of both that we're meant to root for, just as there are aspects of both we're meant to hate. none of these people are objectively morally good, and that's what makes it interesting, so why are we trying to pretend otherwise?

so while yes, i don't like viserys, why would i extend that dislike to rhaenyra? it's not like she forced him at gunpoint to do the things i'm criticizing him for lol. in fact, i think viserys did her just as dirty most of the time. i have another post in the works about this, but he neglected her for her entire childhood, groomed her best friend and dealt with telling her in the worst possible way, and made her heir in a bid for her affection yet did none of the actual work to honor her as a ruler. he could have made her his hand but instead he made her pour his wine?

now, again, just because we dislike part of something does not mean it's all bad. do i think viserys is generally quite a bad parent and person? absolutely. did i also cry ugly tears in the scene where he forces himself up from his literal deathbed to defend his daughter? yes. these two things can coexist.

also, because reddit is reddit, there are a bunch of comments that just miss my point about alicent and aemma entirely. i've already responded to those in a post here so i won't beat a dead horse too much. but to paraphrase: viserys married alicent because he liked her specifically not for duty or he would've married someone who wouldn't horrify the entire small council; and aemma didn't need to be alive and conscious for the pain she was put through at the end of her life. the things he did to his wives weren't necessary and i don't think we should be pretending they were.

lastly, it's really funny to me how many people incorrectly assumed i was a man in the comments. i'm genuinely the girliest girl to ever girl in real life (makeup jewelry and tits to the gods, sorority girly, the whole nine yards, i love it) and it gave me such whiplash. there's a joke to be made here about trying to weaponize male privilege somewhere.

[nerves-nebula]

I’ve never really recognized it as “religious trauma”, but I’m nodding along to ur list. It’s just kinda stuff that happened. Except for the few things that grown me was kinda at like ‘that seems a little bad actually-‘

I remember being 7 and first thinking what if God isn’t real as I was trying to sleep. So it’s like midnight and I’ve just had this world breaking thought that immediately had me spiraling down two trains of thought: Im going to hell for thinking that, and, what if he isn’t what the fuck. So of course I’m freaked out and I’m pretty sure child me needed a fucking hug or some assurance or something, so I went to my parents room, which woke up my mom. At which point I realize, I can’t tell them my actual problem because it was a thought I was ashamed of having, and I didn’t want to run the risk of getting in trouble for some nebulous comfort that was frankly unfathomable cus my parents suck. So I just said felt sick, and took “sorry” my mam gave me as comfort enough (which in hindsight is not a great response to that), and just had to go back to bed with all that. That shit stuck with me. I remember at Sunday school, maybe months or a year later, when one of the teachers said doubt was put in our minds by the devil, I was so fucking relieved.

And there’s the fact that I didn’t know other religions were a thing. I didn’t know there were other blends of Christianity. I lived in a small town and I just had never been touched by that concept until I moved at 11, and one of our religious education modules was on Judaism. Everyone else was just learning customs and calendar stuff, and I was having a whole epiphany. I was so confused until halfway into the lesson, and I realized they were talking about not being catholic. I literally searched the library for a book that would explain this arcane concept. And it was just such a mind blowing experience. I was couldn’t comprehend why no one had ever mentioned other religions if there were so many. And how did it make any sense that there were so many. The differences aren’t subtle. Point is, it was a whole thing.

If I hadn’t moved I would have been made to do my confirmation that school year. And that’s not okay! The whole point of that sacrament is that you’re choosing Christianity, like your old enough and conscious enough to make that choice. Adult in the eyes of the church and all that. Baptism but leveled up. But they make children do it. Unrelated, but when I first learnt about it I was 8, and there was a girl in my class that never had to religion with us. Which was the weirdest thing to me at the time, because sure there were people that didn’t have to do Irish or English, because they had different first languages. But religion? I always found that so weird. But she literally just. Wasn’t catholic. And I just couldn’t conceptualize that. It didn’t occur to me that could be an option.

Jesus, raising kids with a religion is brainwashing of the highest order and no one can change my mind on that. Sorry for rambling at u, that post just made me think.

If I hadn’t moved I would have been made to do my confirmation that school year. And that’s not okay! The whole point of that sacrament is that you’re choosing Christianity, like your old enough and conscious enough to make that choice. Adult in the eyes of the church and all that.

my girlfriend said this exact same thing when i was forced to be confirmed. said it didnt count but tbh that feels like a cop out. like its something ive been forced to do, like a spiritual violation or something, it still happened. but, eh, whatever

Jesus, raising kids with a religion is brainwashing of the highest order and no one can change my mind on that.

not sure i agree with you here, but i can agree that a lot of the ways kids are raised within Christianity is cult-ish and brainwash-y and bad.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

"being triggered isn't real" and then I literally freeze up and can't move for five minutes straight after a bad phone call with my mom lmfao

(very long venting session incoming, abusive-parent related)

I've tried to be gentle but relatively firm about what a bad idea her coming to live with us again would be, because it took three days for it to catastrophically break down last time she moved in.

but when fights get bad with her partner, she ends up calling me and basically begging to try again

I don't want to live in a triggered state 24/7. I don't want to walk on eggshells and pretend to laugh at her offensive jokes and deal with her judgmental comments and never get any time to myself ever again and always have to put my "people face" on in my own home

I don't want my husband to feel uncomfortable in his own home and not be able to stim and be goofy and carefree which is something he literally can't do in front of anyone but me

I don't want to have to move the litter box and find a new place for it, and deal with however she decides to treat Adaine that will probably piss my cat off, and I don't want to give up the room I have that is my own space and not anyone else's (other than the litter box lol)

I know people are supposed to respect their moms or whatever, but my mom put me through a lot - and I've forgiven her for a lot. but that doesn't mean I want to open myself up to new things that I will have to forgive.

she got dealt a bad hand in a lot of ways, and I really feel for her, but that generational curse worked its way down and I've done everything I can to just try to have a peaceful and safe life. and that can't happen if she's in my home. even if she magically became a totally peaceful person (unlikely) I can't just turn off my trauma response to her mild irritation and/or other perfectly normal human emotions like sadness/annoyance/bad moods etc. I will never be able to relax again.

and I'm honestly a bit bitter because she left so easily last time. I only finally caved in because she convinced me that staying in her partner's home was literally killing her, that the walls were leaking poison. she said she wouldn't last another week because of her health issues. she acted like it was a life or death situation.

but it was preferable to go back to that situation than to live with me, the last time we tried this and it felt apart. how quickly she forgets. and she ended up staying in that house for several more months, so it was never as bad as she said it was.

and I know my mom, I know that she has a really hard time admitting when she's also being shitty, and she tends to blame her partner for everything. and her partner is shitty! my mom's picker is broken! it's not my job to fix that, it never has been, but that doesn't stop her from asking me. because she doesn't have a whole lot of other options if she and her partner do split up. she has no income, no money of her own, no other options for housing. I get that she's in a shitty situation, so I don't feel great about trying to be firm with this boundary.

anyway when I said I'd have to think about it, because it went so poorly last time, she hung up on me. and I know I hurt her and I know she's scared, but that reaction also really doesn't bode well for general communication in a situation where she did move in.

the last time this happened and I agreed to it, it was because the topic kept coming up during really difficult moments for her (just like today's phone call) and I felt like I couldn't say no. and then I tried to delay it as much as possible, and that's when she hit me with the "this is killing me" line. it was a choice made out of desperation, not a well-planned one made in moments of rational calm.

I really wish we'd gotten a two-bedroom or a one-bedroom now.

she hasn't called me back or texted me. it's been like thirty minutes. I'm supposed to go see her tomorrow. not sure if I want to, tbh.

[fayes-fics]

Your response was not too much! It was supposed to be a lighthearted (and cockamamie) ask, and I'm so sorry that that wasn't presented well. I really didn't mean to make it seem like I was equating anything kink related to actual, real, non-consensual torture, but I can see how it appears that way (yes - cringing v hard internally now).

Tbh, when going through images looking for something else, I came across that one and having just read part 3 of the series my brain made the weird connection. But only around the very out of context 'these specific things are happening' (if that makes sense).

I do have a habit of assuming that things that I genuinely take as a given (in this context; overt consent, trust etc in actual kink dynamics and the like) is understood and inferred by all. Ofc I agree with what you laid out, fiction or otherwise. It's not comparable to inflicting real suffering, and that should be understood by those reading or consuming any related content.

Also, love the overt colour coding system in Lessons, and that "yellow" moment was very well done. I very much appreciate the dynamic, in terms of trust and respect that you set out there. And in your previous response. ❤️

Hi there 🫶

Firstly thank you for reaching out and understanding why I responded the way I did. I thought perhaps that was your intent, but I realised a wider issue at play here that it was important to spell out for some folks, not necessarily for yourself.

Please don’t cringe, I never want to make people uncomfortable here or feel judged, I just realised there was a responsible way I needed to handle a reply that wasn’t flippant and but also (hopefully) didn’t make you feel bad in anyway (apologies if I did). Thank you for the grace of seeing all that and for your thoughtful response here 🧡🧡

I’m so glad you enjoy and appreciate responsible kink content. I will be honest, I do worry about people younger than me who perhaps have seen pornography that is not responsibly made and don’t fully understand how crucial consent is in proper bdsm culture. The overprotective smut auntie in me rearing it’s head lol.

This is a message for everyone - If I ever fail in my standards around consent in my content, I would appreciate feedback telling me so. Where I have written CNC (consenting non consent - ie where consent is given, but they are roleplaying as if it’s not) I try to make that clear in my authors note and warnings. But I’m always open to feedback around improvements to ensure I’m a responsible writer.

Thanks so much for reaching out. I hope you have a wonderful week and thank you so much for reading my fics. 😁🧡🧡