#tbh I just wanted to get all my thoughts down so I could re-read it at some point and relive my experience

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 18: First Impressions Are Often Correct

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eighteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 11.6K

Warnings: I'm going to rate this one 18+ just to be on the safe side. :) References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Mentions of Death, Blood, Gore, Possessive Soldier Boy, Protective Soldier Boy, Soft Soldier Boy, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry, I know this has been a long time coming. I work hard, but writer's block works harder tbh.

It had to be herogasm. You think to yourself with an audible groan looking up at the mid-century house from your position in the tree-line while watching the couples on the back porch writhe against one another.

The three hour drive from your apartment to Vermont had been uneventful and quiet. Every once in a while Ben would whisper something to you and you would half answer, but only because your mind was somewhere else or rather on someone else.

It was on Rosemary. She had stopped trying to text you or call you, and the silence was worse. You had no idea what she was going to do or what she was thinking. It was a miracle that she hadn’t shown up to your apartment and kicked down the front door before you left. You knew she was angry about the whole situation. And the sooner you dealt with the twins the sooner you could go see her.

Of course you still had no idea how you were going to bring up the conversation with Ben and you knew that there was no way he would let you just leave with no explanation to go talk to her.

This is why I hate texting. I should have just gone to see her, I shouldn’t have told her that Ben was back in a text, if anything that's a three drink minimum. Hell, she's probably half way through a second bottle of wine by now. Something that you also had considered several times today. Guess sobriety is going out the window. Shocker.

Ben kept asking you what was wrong, sensing your discomfort on the drive and held your hand tightly between the two of you, but you only shook your head whenever he asked. He thought that you were having second thoughts of going after the twins, but that was the one thing you were sure of. They deserved to pay for what they did, all of your team did. Anger rises beneath your skin like a roaring crowd when you think of all the years Ben spent alone in Russia being tortured and experimented on. Years that you could have stopped if only you'd known, years that he could never get back, memories that wouldn't fade in the next decade or two, and memories that you hoped you could replace by making him feel loved, by holding him close, and allowing yourself to forget the memories that still plagued you when you thought about the past.

But you still didn't know how the hell you were going to tell him about Rosemary. Every moment it felt like the words were going to vomit out of your mouth, but you clamped your jaw shut. You didn’t want to talk about Rosemary in front of Butcher and Hughie, didn’t want to tell Ben like that. What you needed to say about Rosemary and Lou didn’t deserve to be shouted at him or said in haste, you wanted to sit Ben down and tell him, give him time to adjust to the idea. Because you had no idea how he was going to react to the news that he was a dad and a grandfather.

Would he pull away again? Would he run? Would he leave me? Those thoughts kept swirling around your mind like a mixtape. You were scared that by telling him about her would make him go cold like he did the moment you told him you loved him. You remembered the distant look that replaced his smile as soon as you had uttered those three little words.

Little but not simple. Three little words that launched ships and started a hundred wars. Three little words with the power to create and the power to destroy. Three words that Ben had said to you more times than you could count since he came back to you, and three words you wished you never stopped hearing him say, the three words you always wanted him to say to you.

If Ben pushed you away now, you knew that you wouldn't survive it this time, knew that there was no going back. Which made you more fearful about Rosemary's reaction to Ben coming back into your life.

You were afraid that Rosemary would give you an ultimatum and make you choose between her and Lou or Ben. You really hoped that it didn’t come to that. You had just gotten Ben back and you didn’t want to have to pick between him and your family.

Because Ben is family too. You knew that deep down in your bones, even after everything that happened, Ben was your family. He was the only person who knew you inside and out, the only man you’d ever loved and the only person who understood you. You couldn’t turn your back on him and you didn’t want to shut him out. Not when you loved him more than life itself.

Your frown deepens as you continue to watch the people on the back porch while your supe hearing picks up the moans and sounds of the couples inside and the subtle thump of music, new pop songs that you didn't understand and didn't try. You were up with the times, but it didn't mean you had to like what was happening or the new music being produced no matter how hard Rosemary tried to get you to listen to it.

You sigh again, trying to drown out the sounds by focusing on the wind moving through the trees and the birds flitting through the branches overhead, but it wasn’t working. The beautiful day was already ruined by the loud and messy sounds from the inside of the house. 

“Always wanted to bring you to one of these Sweetheart.” Ben glances over at you with a cheeky grin, lowering the binoculars from his eyes, but then he notes your frown. “Then again-“ His hand comes around your waist to pull you into him. “That means I would have had to share you with someone else, and I’d much rather have you all to myself.”

 You can feel his smirk against your ear, but it does little ease your anxiety about Rosemary and the looming conversation you were going to have with Ben when this was over.

Hughie had disappeared a few moments ago to scout out the inside and to find the twins, while Butcher was doing a walk of the perimeter, leaving you and Ben to wait for the all clear. A welcome break, because every few minutes Hughie would play with a Geiger counter and the high pitched creak-like squeak was giving you a headache. Not to mention annoying you. You'd only been able to have a few sips of your coffee this morning after Butcher and Hughie burst into you apartment, but at least your anxiety was picking up the slack.

Because of course it was.

The house in front of you looked innocent enough on the outside, big windows light wood,  but now that you were here, you really didn’t want to go inside. Despite wanting to face the twins, you didn’t want to go inside and be reminded of the one reason why you stayed away from Herogasm.

At least today we aren’t attending it as much as crashing it.

“Why do you think I hated going to Herogasm?” You murmur, frown deepening at you continue to stare at the house.  The memories of the past had an ugly way of crashing down on you and despite not wanting to make Ben feel guilty, keeping them to yourself made you feel worse. Plus you figured he knew when you were lying, because Ben was basically a human lie detector when it came to you.

Ben sighs, his warm breath washing over the side of your face as his arm tightens around your waist to secure you to him. “Sweetheart please look at me.” His voice is comforting, filled with emotion, but you still don't look at him.

“What?” You whisper, mind still a million miles away.

His fingertips come under your chin to turn your face to his. Ben’s green eyes lock with yours, soft and apologetic, familiar in the best way and weird given the fact that he was wearing his uniform. You’d never seen him look so sorry when he was dressed up as Soldier Boy.

“I would have killed any man who tried to touch you, especially after the night we shared together. When Vogelbaum danced with you I wanted to rip his arms off.”  His eyes darken.

You remembered the way he watched Vogelbaum and you dance together at the premiere with the cameras flashing in your eyes, but then the image of Countess plastered to his hip arises. The way she ran her hands up his chest, the way he turned his gaze away from you to stare at her.

“Yes, but see I never killed any woman that touched you-“

Double standard much?

“Well-“

“Countess doesn’t count.” You snap.

Ben’s thumb strokes along your jaw, before his expression softens again. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve apologized-“ You sigh, suddenly guilty. You hadn't meant to snap at him like that, you were on edge because of Rosemary, not because of what Ben did in the past. You were already starting to forgive him for what he did.

“Not for this.” He takes in a deep breath before he pulls you closer to him. “I’m sorry that I made you think I didn’t want you. Because I do. I don't want anyone else, haven't ever wanted anyone else like I want you. I was so stupid. I fucked those other women because I couldn’t handle how I felt about you and I didn’t think that you would ever want me even a fraction of how much I want you-“

“More.” You whisper before you can stop yourself, laying your hand against the front of his suit.

“That is impossible.” Ben smiles faintly.

You toy with the material, plucking it between your fingers. “It’s okay. I understand why you did it. But it was hard to watch you with them.” You try to fight the image of him and Countess again, that is quickly followed by the memories of the many women over the years you’d see Ben with in public and of course the memory of the first and only Herogasm you ever went to, the one you left early because you couldn’t bear to see Ben with anyone else. The same one that you swore you saw Ben watching you just as closely when Noir tried to reach out for you and you walked away.

It’s different now. You think to yourself. Ben said that he’s wanted me this whole time and I believe him. I don’t think he would lie about something like that, not to mention he’s been more open about what he’s feeling.

“I know.” Ben continues to stroke along your jaw. “But I promise it won’t happen ever again.”

“I believe you.” You lock your arms around the back of his neck to hold him closer to you, loving the way his body felt wrapped around you, like he was molded just for you.

“Good.” He leans his forehead against yours for a moment. "Can I kiss you yet?" Ben's words are quiet, barely above a whisper, so low that you know if you didn't have super hearing you'd have missed them.

"You've never been a patient man. In all the years I've known you." You breathe with a smile.

"Maybe I've just never met someone worth waiting for." Ben's nose nudges into the space between you faces, waiting for you to tell him it's okay and you want to. "But you are Sweetheart."

"You've waited forty years."

"You waited longer."

His words make a ball of emotion lodge in the back of your throat, because it meant Ben listened. He heard everything you said to him and he wasn't going to forget, he was going to make this up to you.

It was hard to say no to him, not when he was smiling at you and gazing at you the way you'd always wished him to.

"We both know I'm a bit more patient than you."

"Maybe."

"You know, maybe we should be focusing on something else right now." You smirk, still keeping your lips just as hairsbreadth away from his.

“It's hard to focus on anything else, not when you’re wearing something like that.” Ben purrs, thumbs brushing against you hips in a way that makes your chest tight.

Your smirk deepens “Oh this old thing?”

At the last minute you had chosen to wear the outfit you had picked when you thought you were going to be going to Russia to get Ben, rather than your old supe suit. You didn’t want to be connected with the person you were then, and despite Ben’s want to hold on to Soldier Boy, you were more than happy to let Indigo go.

The outfit was working better than you thought. The tight black tactical pants, combat boots, black leather jacket, and long sleeved leather corseted blouse that was sinched at your waist all perfectly accentuated the curves that your mother tried to hide. When you had walked out of your closet wearing it, Ben’s entire body had gone rigid.

“What?” You’d asked him with an innocent smile standing just a few steps outside your closet, while watching the tension in his shoulders.

“Damn it sweetheart you’re making this hard.” He had responded, clenching his hands into fists at his sides to hold himself back from crossing your bedroom to touch you. It made you smile wider to understand that he was trying to respect the boundaries you made between the two of you.

“What is it that I’m making hard Benjamin?”

“Fuck. Don’t tease me. Nobody likes a tease.”

You’d smirked at him. “Sorry babe you walked right into that one.”

“It’s not fair-“ Ben had growled.

“What’s not fair?”

“You wearing that, biting your fucking lip like that-“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He’d stalked towards you, eyes dark, causing you to back up until your back hit your pale bedroom wall. His hand had landed next to your head, the other wound around your hip so you could feel the heat of his skin through your clothes.

“You know, two can play at that game Sweetheart.” Ben had murmured, easing his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips.

“And what game is that?” You’d said it trying to keep your composure, but the dark look in his eyes and the smell of his shampoo was everywhere. Your heart beat had given you away, thudding violently in your chest as if it wanted to break free. It was hard to ignore how much you still wanted him after all these years.

"You know exactly what game." Ben had held your gaze, raising an eyebrow as a confident smirk pulled at his lips. He could hear your heartbeat too, probably could smell how much you wanted him. “But you’re so fucking beautiful I'll let it slide.”

“Huh?” It had been the last thing you thought he was going to say. If anything you’d thought he was going to tease you.

The hand that had been previously on the wall near your head dropped onto your face to gently trace the arch of your brow and the dip of your bottom lip.

“You always have been. I thought I remembered wrong but-" His expression shifted from the seductive smirk into something softer. "Fuck I missed you." Ben had leaned his forehead against yours. "So tease me all you want. I'll wait, because you're worth every second."

Remembering what he said earlier still filled you with an incredible amount of love and made you want to kiss him all the more now. Knowing that he was willing to wait for you to be okay with whatever came next made you fall harder for him. But now you knew that you needed to focus on what you were about to do. And standing here in front of the house, listening to what was going on inside made you sober up, just a little bit…. But not completely.

"Then again I thought those overalls were pretty sexy too." Ben states, staring down at you with a wide smile as the mid-afternoon sun turned his hair into a light brown and found the flecks of gold in his eyes. He looked every bit as handsome as you were accustomed to, so much in fact that it made your heart ache.

"Sure." You roll your eyes. "I think you're the first person in history to say that." Your fingers lightly curl into the strands at the back of his head.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're just the sexiest woman in history."

"Shut up."

Ben's gaze darkens. "Make me, Sweetheart."

Every viable thought except the thought of crashing your lips to his vanishes.

I wonder if they're as soft as I remember. If he still makes that sound when I-

"You two ready?" Butcher interrupts appearing just over Ben's shoulder, but smirking when he sees how close the two of you are. "Or do you love birds need a little alone  time?"

You roll your eyes and let go of Ben's hair, as he loosens his grip on your hips. Stepping back away from him was like having a bucket of cold water drop over you, you missed him and yet he was standing a full sixteen inches away from you.

This is really not good.

"You have the worst fucking timing." Ben moves to pick up his shield, but the playful smirk he'd had a few seconds ago has been replaced with a frown.

You wondered if he was as disappointed as you were.

The wind shifts and you can smell the Temp V in Butcher's veins, hear the steady beat of his heart as it pumps blood through his body, strengthening him, making him feel indestructible. When Butcher and Hughie had injected it at the back of Butcher's car, you couldn't help but be reminded of the day you took V. You had been afraid and when they injected it, you remember the pain, the unspeakable pain that made you scream so loud that Ben heard you from the room he was being kept in, and he broke through the wall to get to you. It was how the scientists learned that Ben had super strength, because he had smashed through solid rock to make sure you were okay.

Butcher shrugs and begins to walk through the trees towards the side door of the house, leaving you and Ben alone.

"You didn't answer my question." He hefts his shield up with a smirk.

He didn't have to explain, you knew he was asking about the kiss. "I'll take a raincheck."

"Hmm." Ben takes a few steps towards the house, before he stops to look back at you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Huh?"

"In the car, even now. You're kinda quiet." He shrugs.

"I-" You were going to say that you were fine, but you knew that he would clock the lie. "We need to talk about something, but it can wait. This is important too."

Ben's frown deepens, but then he finally sighs. "Alright. Come on you’re lagging behind doll."

"Guess you changed your mind about wanting me here." You snort as you catch up to him.

Ben puts his hand on your wrist, turning you to look at him. "I always want you with me." His hand trails up your arm to finally rest under your chin. Ben smiles, leaning down towards you, but before you can arch up into him, he presses a kiss to your forehead. "I love you." He murmurs into the top of your head.

"I love you too."

And with that, you both follow Butcher into the house hosting the worst event in all of history.

I should have brought ear plugs. You cringe as you follow behind Ben and Butcher, weaving through the lower levels of the house. Maybe someone will let me borrow their blindfold. Hopefully there are nose plugs somewhere… well there have been other kinds of plugs but those are a bit big for my nose.

You walk down the staircase after Ben and Butcher who pulled ahead a few moments ago and as you do the sharp sour smell of a chemical wafts in your face, different than the other odors in the house.

What is that?

You round the corner and see Ben up ahead, shrouded in smoke, staring down an attractive muscular black man who for some reason has decided to raise his fists to challenge Ben. Your eyes trace the man's face, recognition pulling at your heart. You knew who he was. The first time you'd seen him he'd only been a boy, made eye contact with you at a funeral you couldn't help but go to, after Ben made a mistake. You'd offered the boy an encouraging smile and left the boy's family an envelope of cash in their mailbox because you couldn't think of anything else to do for them. You knew it couldn't replace who they lost, but you didn't know what else to do. Ben had been upset with himself after, he always was when he lost control. He showed up on your doorstep like he always did, drunk, high, smelling like stale perfume, and fell asleep in your bed after you reassured him the same way you always did.

Now that little boy was grown up and standing in front of you. You see recognition flash in his eyes as he sees you. Of course it does. You didn't look any different and you hadn't worn your supe suit when you went to the funeral.

"Not him." Butcher says to Ben, but Ben doesn't look away from the man.

"Ben." You whisper, reaching out to touch his arm gently.

Ben's eyes flick to yours. The look in Ben's eyes is familiar, predatory, unwilling to back down from a fight. Soldier Boy. You'd seen it countless times before, talked him out of killing people in the past. You hated how quickly you had to slip into your old job, the one that made you feel like a babysitter, but you shake it off.

"He doesn't know what he's doing. Come on. The Twins are upstairs, I can hear them arguing." It was true, you could, but you didn't want this to turn ugly so quickly. Not when the real reason why you were here were currently arguing about toilet cameras. 

His jaw tightens, eyes sliding to the man standing at the other end of the room, before he nods once and motions for you to go ahead of him.

As you continue to move through the house, you fight the shudder that threatens to travel down your spine when you think of how Ben looked moments ago. It was the first time you had seen Soldier Boy since Ben showed up again, and it was the same way you remembered it. You just hoped deep down that Ben really did want to change and that he was adopting the façade of Soldier Boy to get through what came next. You knew that you were going to have to adopt one as well.

"Here." You stop just before the two of you round the corner where the Twins were in the other room. "Let me go first. They might not try to run if I go in before you."

Ben frowns. "I don't want you to-"

"I know, but it'll be better this way."

"Fine."

You walk around the wall and towards the circular room where the Twins are fighting, ignoring the couples on the outskirts that are grinding against one another.

Like Countess, the Twins didn't look good, both were considerably older, rounder, grayer, and more wrinkly than the last time you'd seen them, but they were still the same. Still arguing and still just as annoying as they had been forty years ago.

"I never want to see you again!" Tommy spits at his sister, adjusting the golden robe slung over his shoulders that flaps around him like a cape.

"Oh sure!" Tessa sniffs while puffing on a joint. "Our Westfield mall appearance is next week and nobody is going to come see you without me!"

That must suck to have your powers depend on someone else.

"Wow, mall appearances? Aren't we all getting a bit old for that?" You flash a winning smile as you step down into the room, locking eyes with Tessa.

Both of the twins visibly pale, their hearts speeding up to work overtime, as the stench of adrenaline begins to waft through the air between you. It's almost comical how identical their reactions are to Countess' at seeing you for the first time in forty years. Then again you hoped that you looked better than they did.

Why didn't I try to find out more after Ben "died?" If our entire team had this reaction to seeing me then I would have known the truth and Ben wouldn't have been in a fucking Russian Lab all these years!

Their plan to ensure you not being in Nicaragua had paid off, because not only were you not there, you didn't want anything to do with any of them. And you wished that you had confronted them all those years ago. You knew that you'd live with that guilt for a long time, but now you allowed your anger at what they all did to Ben, overpower it.

"Y/n-" Tessa stutters.

It was weird to see her at a loss for words. You and all of Payback had listened to her nag Tommy since the moment they joined the team. Judging by what you had walked into, you figured that she hadn't changed at all.

"Hey long time no see!" Tommy fakes enthusiasm while licking his lips nervously, eyes darting to the open doors behind you. You could practically see the escape plan forming in his mind.

"You know, when I found out you guys were living in Vermont I was surprised. I would have thought that you moved down South. They’re probably more accepting of your relationship.” You make air quotes around the word relationship, before shifting your smile into an worried frown. “Oh sorry, are the two of you still pretending that you’re not fucking?”

Tessa’s gaze turns stone cold. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d check in.” You look around the room. “You guys have a nice house. Must have budgeted better than Countess did. Her tailer, now that was a shit hole. Must not have done as many mall appearances.”

Tommy’s heart skips a beat at the mention of Countess’s name. “Look y/n-“

“Please. We didn’t have anything against you. We didn’t come after you. Even after all these years we left you alone.” Fear seeps into Tessa’s voice with her plea, eyes wide with worry.

They had reason to be worried, you’d all but admitted to killing Countess.

“Oh sweetie.” You with false sweetness in your tone. “It’s cute that you think you can beg for mercy. That you're deserving of it.” The room begins to shake with the force of your anger as your eyes shift to bright purple. Cracks like thin spiderwebs stretch through the wide windows behind them and through the thick drywall as you lose control, the composure you always held on to drowning in the flood of emotion you feel when you look at the two of them. “Ben told me exactly what happened that day-“

“He lied to you!” Tommy exclaims. “He went crazy! You know how he gets, how he loses control!”

“He lost control and we had to protect ourselves y/n-“ Tessa adds, another lie.

Ben steps into the room beside you, his eyes are focused on the Twins, and if you thought they looked afraid when you showed up, they look near dead when Ben appears.

"You were saying?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Ben! Hey Buddy!." Tommy forces another smile but pales when he realizes Ben just heard him and Tessa try to lie to you. "How are you? Long time. We were just talking to y/n about-“

Ben's eyes narrow, stopping whatever Tommy was going to say about you.

"Nicaragua wasn't our fault!" Tommy says to recover. "Neither was the premiere." His eyes dart to yours, cowering under the purple light that pulses from your irises.

Wow. Just. Wow.

"We swear." Tessa adds.

"Why should we believe you?" You spit.

"Please-"

"Then whose fault was it?" Ben's frown deepens, hand tightening on the shield.

None of the other couples have stopped what they are doing, too enthralled in one another to notice what was going to unfold between the four of you.

"It was Noir!" Tommy shouts desperately, his eyes flitting from Ben to you as if trying to see which one of you will believe him. "He gave Ben to the Russians."

It's almost pathetic watching his mad scramble to protect himself. Apart of you hates that you don't feel guilty for any of this, at least with Countess at the beginning you felt some guilt for hurting her, but with them there was nothing. Not even the prick of remorse, there was only anger.

Ben chuckles under his breath. "We all know that Noir didn't even take a shit without Vought's say so."

"Not to mention his head was so far up Stan's ass it's a wonder that he could breathe." You narrow your eyes at the two of them waiting for them to make a move. They might be cowards, but if you knew the Twins well enough, you knew that they weren't above throwing a bolt of lighting in your direction. And you knew for a fact that electrocution wasn't fun.

"It's the truth!" Tessa shouts above the moans and wet squelch of the people around you. “Please y/n we have children.”

“You're really the worst liar hon. Always have been." You snap, listening to her heartbeat jolt in her chest as she attempts to save herself.

"Please talk Ben out of this, just like you did for Noir-“ Tommy's plea falls on deaf ears, but you knew what he was talking about. The day that you saved Noir's life because he started a fight with Ben over a stupid role in a movie. But this was different, no part of you wanted to save them from this, to save them from what they deserved.

“Noir will get what’s coming to him.” You don't recognize your own voice. "You brought this on yourselves."

But then something shifts in the air, call it a feeling, or an energy current, but something feels wrong.

The music coming from the radio has changed to a Russian pop song, why it's playing you have no idea, all you know is that it does something to Ben.

The sound of his shield hitting the ground rings in your ears and you turn to look at him. His entire body is tensed beneath his suit, sweat dotting along his hairline, red beginning to creep into his cheeks. His eyes are squeezed shut and he shakes his head as if he's trying to clear it.

"Ben? Are you okay?" Your hold on the room vanishes, eyes fading back to their normal color as your worry turns to Ben.

His fists are clenched tightly together as he brings them up to the sides of his head, chest beginning to glow with his new power, the one you'd never seen before, the one that Ben said practically vaporized whatever was in it's path.

Shit.

"Ben. Stay with me, listen to my voice." You touch the sides of his face, begging him to listen to your plea. As much as you wanted the Twins to pay, Ben wasn't just losing control of his powers, this was different. It was almost like he was being dragged somewhere else, somewhere you couldn't follow.

"Everything's okay. I'm here, I'm right here." You soothe, but he continues to glow brighter and brighter and you're directly in the line of fire.

Shit.

Ben's eyes flash open, no longer bright green but an orange-gold that makes fear snag in your ribs like a fishing hook. His hand makes contact with your chest shoving you to the side, out of the way of the beam, but unfortunately through the solid rock wall.

You don't really know what happens next. The world goes black for a few minutes, not like when you die, but just black as everything burns around you when Ben explodes. You're not sure how long you're under, could be minutes, could be hours, all you know is that when you wake up everything hurts.

It's how you know that you didn't officially die. Whenever you woke up after death, it was different, you felt powerful, reborn, but right now you felt like a train ran over you. A headache throbs at your temples as you begin to come to, blinking your eyes against the darkness that doesn't go away. Your ears are ringing, filled with the screams of those who survived and the smell of burned flesh and blood surrounds you like a cloud.

A mountain of rubble and roofing covers you, leaving you in the darkness to get your bearings, but nothing feels broken.

At least the brick fireplace broke my fall. You think to yourself with a groan as you begin to push off the planks of wood and pieces of the roof that cover your body, so you can sit up. As soon as you do, your head spins and you fight the unpleasant urge to throw up.

Great. Might have a concussion.

You might be as strong as Ben, but your ability to die meant that you were just a little bit less equipped to handle a hit like that.

Ben. Worry and fear war in your heart as you look around the broken room that lays in tatters around you.

The house isn’t recognizable anymore. Singed carpet floats in tufts with ash around your face like a swarm of flies while fires burn in clumps all over the ruined room. Chunks of drywall and planks of blackened wood litter the floor and the back half of the house is gone, burned to a crisp in the blast from Ben.

What the fuck did they put in his chest? Ben had tried to describe it to you, tried to explain it, but standing here in the rubble you understood just how bad it was. The ruins in Mid-town you had seen the coverage of on the news, but it was a completely different thing to experience it in person.

People are going to think that he did this on purpose. That he's a bad person, that he's some kind of terrorist. The thought is immediately followed by the fear that Vought and the government would come to take him away. Your jaw tightens. I'd like to see them try.

The bodies of Tommy and Tessa are burned beyond recognition, still holding hands, but now are just blacked lumps of flesh and bone that lay where they tried to make their final stand. But you feel no remorse.

It’s what we came here to do, to make them pay. You bite the inside of your cheek listening to the screams of those who survived. I just didn't think that so many others would get hurt.

You continue to look around the room, worry rising in your chest as you think of Ben and remember the look on his face. He had been scared of what was about to happen even if he didn’t want to admit it. He lost control. In the past when he lost control the worst thing he could do was rip someone in half or smash their face into a pulp, but now if Ben ever lost control he'd level a building.

I see a lot of yoga in his future. Or maybe anger management classes.

Although the thought makes you smile, as soon as you see Ben everything else fades from your mind. Ben is on his knees in the center of the room, head slumped forward on his chest, hands laying limply by his sides, as he takes in shaky breaths. You could hear the frantic pound of his heart, beating hard against his rib cage as if begging to be released. Seeing him like that almost sends you into overdrive. You’d never seen him look so defeated, so small, so tired, so… lost.

“Ben?” You fall to your knees next to him, reaching out to touch his face, to bring his attention to you.

His body tenses as you do so, eyes narrowing when he meets yours like he doesn’t know you. His eyes miles away.

But where?

“Hey, it’s me.” You say gently, cupping his face with your hands to rub your thumbs across his cheeks while fear grips your heart as you try to bring him back to you. “It’s me, I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ben inhales sharply as if suddenly remembering, the look in his eyes clearing for a moment, rising through the fog. "Y/n?" He whispers.

"Yeah. I'm here." You repeat, smiling at him even though the urge to cry builds in the back of your throat. It broke your heart to see him like this. You push his hair back from his face, brushing the ash from the mahogany strands.

 “Are you okay? Did I-“ Worry etches itself across his handsome face.

“I’m fine. Shhh.” You soothe, pulling him against you so your can rub his back softly and lock him in your embrace. But the truth was you were afraid. You didn’t understand what happened and couldn’t explain the look in his eyes when he went under, when he started to lose himself in his newfound powers. Ben crumbles into you, leaning his head against your shoulder as if needing it to strengthen him.

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You weren’t sure the effects the blast had on him, just that he seemed unsure as to how the hell he did it.

 Where did he go in those moments?

“The twins?” Ben mumbles.

“They’re dead.” You could hear the approaching ambulances and police cars, hear the anxious chatter of the survivors outside.

We’ve got to get out of here.

“Come on. Let’s go.” You say softly rising to your feet and helping him up. Ben stumbles a step, shaking his head like he can’t catch his bearings and the worry comes roaring back. You catch him and tilt his body so he can lean on you. “Ben are you okay?” Your fingers dance against the sides of his face trying to bring his focus back to you, because you were afraid he might lose himself to whatever the hell happened before.

“I will be in a minute.” Ben takes in a shaky breath, leaning on your shoulder. "I don't know what happened."

"It's okay." His shield rises telekinetically from the rubble and into your outstretched hand that glows a brilliant purple in the dusty light. Smoke billows up from the room around you obscuring the sunlight that filters through the ruined front of the house, but you can still see the front drive already becoming swarmed with people and news crews.

Because that's exactly what Rosemary needs to see, me and Ben on the 5'oclock news. Fuck.

"Come on." You lead him back the way you can, toting his shield in your free hand, down the stairs.

When you spot Butcher, Ben straightens finally catching his bearings and takes the shield from you. Butcher looks from Ben to you, eyebrows raised.

"Sorted?"

"Yeah." Ben frowns.

You could tell that he was still a little shaky, but you knew he wasn't going to admit that to anyone, especially not to Butcher. Your gaze falls on the man from before laying on the ground, the man that Butcher had told Ben to leave.

Why did he want Ben to spare his life if Butcher was only going to beat him down?

But just as you take a step towards the man to check him for injuries, a long shadow falls on the floor at your feet.

Your eyes jolt upwards and focus on Homelander. The smell of hairspray, hair dye, and cheap cologne waft through the air at Homelander's appearance.  He's shorter than you expected him to be, not overtly muscular, but he didn't need to be. Supes with superstrength didn't need to look like body builders, and you suspected that the only reason why Homelander even had any kind of muscle was for his image as America's Hero. Then again, you never complained about Ben's muscular physique.

I don’t think anybody should complain about that and- Nope. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.

But as you stare at him there's something wrong, something that you can't place, something that tugs at the back of your mind when you look at him, almost as if you've forgotten something important.

Seeing him in person is surreal. You'd only ever seen him on the news or on billboards or on those stupid energy drinks that were sold at the bodega on the corner where you get coffee filters sometimes, but the look in his eyes is the same. It's cold, unfeeling, and reminds you of those ridiculous shark documentaries that Rosemary is obsessed with. The only time she could watch shark week was after Lou went to bed. She said that watching it made her feel better about her job and you didn't complain.

Homelander looks around the room forcing a smile, a predatory glare in his eyes.

"William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course you are behind this. It really is all about me." Homelander's smile widens.

Narcissistic much? This guy's like a walking red flag.

He takes a step closer to the three of you, and Ben steps in front of you to shield you from Homelander's view. Homelander clocks the movement, but then tsks his finger at Butcher.

"William we made a deal to fight to the death, you and me." Homelander's eyes begin to glow. "You cheated, deals off."

The red flash of the laser-vision illuminates Ben's face in sharp contrast as the beam hits Butcher full in the chest propelling him back into the wall. His body falls to the ground and lies still.

Well. That's not good.

Honestly you didn't like Butcher all that much, but you couldn't help but feel a little bit bad.

You glance up from Butcher's body to gaze at Homelander again. Fighting him hadn't been on the agenda today, but it was starting to look that way. You knew what his powers were, knew that Vought probably told him his entire life that he was a god and that no one could compare to him. And you knew that the man standing next to you hadn't changed enough to walk away from the fight, no matter how bad his odds were.

And deep down you knew that you weren't going to let Ben take that beating, which of course meant that you were going to fight Homelander. Not that you were afraid of him. One look at him might have sent everyone else heading for the hills, but he didn't intimidate you.

"I watched all your movies, hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me." The look on Homelander's face is one of respect almost wonder.

And you can imagine a smaller version of Homelander being fed all the same propaganda that Ben and you were fed all those years ago, imagine Homelander growing up hearing that he was stronger, greater, faster than Soldier Boy, and imagine Vogelbaum working hard to make sure to mold Homelander into the hero that America wanted. Not to mention all the shit he probably heard when he was with Stormfront. You were very happy that you didn't have to see her again, though now you had a fun story to tell Ben about one of his exes.

“Buddy you’re wearing a cape, do you think you look strong?” Ben frowns at Homelander.

“It is pretty stupid.” You agree examining Homelander’s supe suit. “Honestly I thought you had it bad with that dorky looking helmet-“ You glance at Ben out of the corner of your eye.

“Really? You’re gonna do this now?” Ben glowers turning his attention to you.

“I’m just being honest it was pretty bad and I’m glad you decided not to wear it today. But his cape is definitely worse.”

“Do you want me to bring up that ridiculous hood you had?”

“You can, but I won’t believe you, because that hood was fabulous and I looked fantastic in it.”

Homelander clears his throat to catch your attention. “Um hello?”

“Hi.” You force a smile. “Oh sorry did we interrupt your little monologue?”

Homelander's gaze turns icy as you continue. “Because we can take this from the top. What was the line again? Something about power or watching his films? I was only half listening. Did you want me to record it for you so you can post it on your socials?”

“What the f-“ Homelander begins to say, but you interrupt him.

“I mean. That is why you practiced it in the mirror for so long right? And why you did your hair and makeup?" You scrunch up your nose. "I'd skip that last mist of hairspray if I were you. You want it to look smooth, not look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket.”

You could tell that Ben was trying to maintain his composure, but his mouth was twitching in a smile. “Oh wait does your suit have a body cam? I guess that makes things easier, because it probably doesn't have pockets. Not to mention if you dropped your phone while you were flying around-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Homelander spits interrupting you.

"No one important."

“Is he really what passes for a hero these days?” Ben cocks an eyebrow. “He’s just a cheap fucking knock off of me.”

“No.” Homelander snarls, eyes beginning to glow bright red. “I’m the upgrade.”

The laser cuts through the air in slow motion, but you’re already moving.

"Ben!" His name rips from your throat as you lunge forward and shove him as hard as you can out of the way of the beam. You feel the laser tear through your body, the force throwing you backward through one of the wood paneled walls and then the darkness swallows you whole.

If someone were to ask you what it was like to die, you wouldn’t know how to answer. To exist in those thirteen seconds sometimes feels like a dream, like you're floating, but it's always silent. And the silence scares you. How quickly it comes to drag you under and how it seems to replace everything you know or remember about the real world until you come back to life. You understood why Ben didn't like being alone, because you didn't either. It reminded you too much of those moments you were gone, wishing for it to stop. There was never a bright light, there was only the darkness and the silence that fell when your heart stopped beating.

When you take your first breath in thirteen seconds it's full of dust and ash, swirling into your mouth as you inhale sharply to jumpstart your lungs. But at the same time everything is different. The colors in the room are brighter, the sounds more acute, the smells just a fraction stronger, and you feel different. Power floods through your limbs, swirling through flesh and bone, pouring through your veins, electrifying through each nerve ending and setting you on fire, more than any other power ever has. You'd never felt power like this before. Even with Countess and the others that had killed you, no other power you'd ever gotten had felt this strong.

You stand up from the rubble you landed in, covered in a layer of dust and blood. The hole in your new outfit where the laser struck is just under your left breast, the mark left behind already a pink scar. And you knew that Ben would probably kill you for it later, for taking the laser for him, but you didn't care.

Homelander is floating in the center of the room, holding Ben by the throat, smiling cruelly at him.

"Hey asshole." You snarl, spitting out a glob of blood onto the ruined carpet. "We're not done."

Homelander turns his head towards you amused, while Ben grabs at the front of his suit, trying to get his attention, but Homelander is focused on you.

"So that's it? That's your big trick? Laser vision? Forgive me for not cowering in fear." Your hands clench into fists at your sides.

He eyes you for a moment. "You're Indigo aren't you?"

"I used to be. Now I'm just disappointed. I expected more from Vought's big hero, but now I see that you're just another asshole who thinks he's a god." Your eyes drift to Ben for a moment, worry clawing at your heart when you meet his gaze. "So drop him. Before I drop you."

"You’re very confident for someone who was dead a few seconds ago. I don't really see how that ability is going to help you-"

"Before I didn’t want to kill you."

"And you think you can?" He laughs.

"No." You smirk. "I know I can."

"Who do you think you’re talking to?"

"I’m not talking to much." Your eyes narrow. "But I'll be nice, and I'll give you a chance to leave. To tuck your tail between your fucking legs and fly away. We didn't come here for you and you and I don't have to do this."

"And if I don't leave?"

"Then I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." Homelander throws Ben as hard as he can through the brick fireplace, causing rock and mortar to rain down on top of him, but Homelander's eyes don't leave yours. “Well why don’t you give me your best sho-“

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence, your body ploughs into his tackling him through the solid outer wall and onto the back lawn.

Truthfully you hadn’t meant to go through the wall, you’d only meant to pin him to it, but flying was proving just a little more difficult than you expected. Your hand closes on Homelander’s wrist bringing him down against the ground so hard that the earth quakes, before you throw him as far away from you as you can.

His body spins awkwardly in the air, before he ploughs into one of the thick oak trees head on, at the edge of the backyard. The loud snap of the tree compensating for Homelander’s body fills the air.

He stumbles to his feet, eyes narrowed in pure hatred, lip curled back in a snarl, and his blonde hair flopping forward into his face.

“You chose wrong.” You spit, rolling your shoulders, preparing for what came next.

Homelander lets out a roar and flies towards you, arms outstretched for you, but you’re ready for him.

You catch his fist before it lands against your face and tighten your other hand around his throat. Your bodies are floating two feet off the ground, but it doesn’t faze you.

When Homelander’s gaze meets yours you see just a flicker of fear, a spark, quickly masked by his shock. He struggles to pull away to push you away with his free hand, but all you do is tighten your grip.

 "You've never felt real pain before have you?" You force your face into a sympathetic frown, before your eyes harden. "Allow me to enlighten you."  You throw him to the ground again, watching his body spin and screech against the grass and dirt.

 Given the screams and smell of blood in the air, any witnesses from the massacre inside were at the front of the house waiting for the police, leaving you and Homelander on the backside of the house alone.

Worry for Ben rose in your chest like the peak of a wave, you hadn't seen him since Homelander threw him through the fireplace, but you funnel that worry into all encompassing rage.

"They told you that you were a god right? That you were the most powerful supe that ever lived. They were wrong. There's only one supe more powerful than you, and you just fucking pissed her off." You shout beginning to float towards him.

Homelander growls rising to his feet, eyes glowing bright red as he fires a laser at you, but you’re ready.

Your own beam catches his mid air between you, the high pitched sizzle and smell of ozone floats across your face, but you don't back down. If anything, it just makes you more angry.

And then something slams into you from the side, breaking the connection between your beam and Homelander's.

"What-" You shout, looking up at the body above yours, preparing to blast them off, but you realize it's Ben. "Ben what-"

"Stay here." He growls, eyes black. Ben looks pissed, whether it’s because you pushed Ben out of the way before or if it’s because he’s annoyed that Homelander punched him you’re not sure.

"What?" You look beyond him, to see Hughie and Butcher tackle Homelander to the ground.

They're going to try to turn him human.

"I can hold him down-" You say. “Let me help.”

"No." Ben snarls as he stalks towards Homelander, his chest beginning to glow.

“Ben-“

“Stay the fuck there.” Ben shouts still looking at Homelander.

Your eyes flit to the leader of the Seven. Watching him struggle against Hughie and Butcher, who yell at one another, but you don’t hear them. You wait for the remorse to crash over you, the guilt, but it never comes.

I gave him a choice. He could have run. He didn’t. He chose this.

And just when you think it’s all over, Homelander breaks away from them, surging up into the air to freedom. You feel your feet leave the ground to follow him, someone’s hand tightens on your ankle and drags you back down to earth.

“No.” Ben’s voice is more of a growl than anything else.

He’s angry, that much you can tell from the look on his face and from the way his eyes have hardened into two solid chunks of emerald as he locks eyes with you.

But why? Angry because Homelander got away or angry because I pushed him out of the way?

“Ben I can get him. Let me go.” You kick your ankle but Ben holds on.

“No.” Ben snarls. “You’re not about to go after that sick fuck by yourself.”

“Ben-“

“No. If I have to chain you to the ground I will.” Ben pulls you down further and releases your ankle to  fasten his hand around you waist to hold you tighter against the ground. “You’re not going after him.”

“Fine.” You snap pulling yourself from his grasp, your own temper flaring.

You hated when Ben did that, when he acted like you weren’t just as capable as him of doing this. It reminded you of your childhood, when you were treated like you were made of glass, a pretty doll that was made to be looked at but never touched.

And you knew it came from Ben’s want to protect you, knew that it came from his fear of losing you, but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

You didn’t pout when Ben went out to face someone, didn’t try to act like he couldn’t do it.

“I know that maybe I’m a little behind but… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?” Hughie shouts. “You have laser vision and you can fly and you can move things with your mind!?” He looks frantically from you to Ben.

You don’t answer, your eyes are still on Ben who looks ready to throw Butcher’s car into space. You could practically see the waves of anger rolling off of him like a comic strip.

“You didn’t before, did you?” Butcher’s eyes trace your body as things begin to click into place. “You didn’t before he killed you.”

“Hold on.” Hughie holds up his hand. “Are you telling me that you die and you come back to life WITH THE POWERS OF THE SUPE THAT KILLED YOU?”

“It wasn’t in the files.” Butcher’s eyes still haven’t left you. “Vought didn’t know did they?”

You don’t like the way he’s looking at you, don’t like the glimmer in his eyes as if you’d just solved all his problems. It was the exact look that was in the eyes of the scientists the day you took the serum for the first time. To them that’s all Ben and you were, lab rats, people who were stupid enough to listen to the wild ideas of glory and a better world they spouted.

“We should go.” You murmur, listening to the sounds of the ambulances and the police coming up the driveway. “It’s about to be a circus here and I'd rather not make my big social media debut covered in rubble and blood."

Ben’s mouth is clamped together, green eyes blazing at your mention of blood. You knew that he was focused on the bloody hole left behind in the corset where Homelander's laser had ripped through your body.

Another scar, another fun story to tell my daughter when I see her… great.

*****************************************

The car ride to Legend’s is dead silent. Ben doesn’t look at you, doesn’t try to hold your hand, and doesn’t try to touch you in any way. Instead his hands are curled into fists, sitting on the tops of his thighs while his anger heats the inside of the car like a furnace. You knew it was only a matter until he exploded, but now you had bigger things on your mind.

You had just exposed yourself to Homelander, showed your face to him, not to mention you admitted to being Indigo. It would be easy for him to find your real name in the Vought archives find your file and the same name that linked you to Rosemary. She’d gone back to her maiden name when her husband died, which meant the two of you had the same last name and it wouldn’t be difficult for Homelander to find her.

Which meant you needed to get to her first.

You had tried to text her, tried to tell her to have a bag ready and that you were going to pick her up, but she was refusing to do so and you didn’t exactly want to text “Homelander is a fucking psychopath and he’s going to come after you” to her phone. Plus you couldn’t exactly call her, not in this cramped car.

Legend is waiting on the front porch of his country home when Butcher pulls his car into the end of the long driveway, somewhere that you’d been to many times in the past. He's smoking a joint and scrolling through his phone, wearing the same outfit you had seen him in a few days ago.

"Kitten!" He smiles wide at you when he sees you and pulls you into a hug. “I was worried when I heard about that mess with Countess. You never called.” Legend frowns at you, blowing out a lungful of smoke. "Guess you guys had a talk."

"Something like that." You frown. "It got complicated really fast."

“I told you so.” His eyes shift to where Ben is glowering a foot behind you. "I see he found you. I didn't tell him-"

"I know you didn't. Thank you for keeping your promise." You smile tightly, squeezing Legend's hand. He really was a good friend. One of the oldest ones you had besides Ben.

"Figured if I did, you'd keep him from ripping my head off."

“Haven’t decided if I’m not going to yet.” Ben snarls and Legend's eyes widen in fear.

But you knew that he was just redirecting his anger. Ben was angry because you put yourself in harms way to protect him and the sooner you had it out, the sooner you could go get Rosemary and Lou.

"Ben we both know that you're not mad at Legend, you're mad at me. So you might as well spit it out, because we've got bigger problems than your hissy fit-" You begin to say. You were sick of him pouting, refusing to look at you, refusing to touch you.

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!" Ben roars towering over you, eyes flashing. "Getting between me and him like that!"

Legend backs away, afraid that he's going to get caught in the cross-fire.

"Calm down." You sigh, gritting your teeth together. You were trying your best not to lose it either, because the last thing this situation needed was you losing control.

"DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN." Ben's hands are clenched tightly into fists, his suit beginning to glow bright.

"You're going to have to calm down or you're going to blast me to kingdom come!" You snap back.

Ben grits his teeth together and closes his eyes tightly while his chest begins to fade back to normal and when it does, he opens his eyes to glare at you. "Why did you do that? I had him handled-"

"You didn't."

"Yes I did. You didn't give me a chance to-"

"No what I did was I didn't give that psychopath a chance to punch a hole through your chest with his fucking laser vision." You poke him in the chest. "Of the two of us, I have a greater chance of surviving that!”

By then Butcher and Hughie had moved to give the two of you a wide berth, standing where Legend was watching the two of you looking bored. They were probably hoping that you didn’t cut one of them in half with your new powers.

"Are they always like this?" You hear Butcher ask Legend from where they stand a safe distance away.

"Pretty much." Legend answers, blowing out a puff of the fowl smelling smoke.

"Do you ever get used to it?" Hughie mutters.

"Nope."

“Is there an off button?” Butcher sighs.

“Nope.” Legend puffs his joint.

"You don't know that!" Ben spits back at you. "I could have!"

"I wasn't willing to take that chance damnit!"

How can I make him understand this? How can he finally understand what it would be like for me to lose him all over again, just when I got him back?

"Do you really think that I'm willing to play Russian Roulette with your life?" Ben snarls, grabbing you by the shoulders so tightly you're sure they'll be bruises but all you can do is look into his quickly darkening eyes. "Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you die AGAIN? To see him TOUCH YOU? To know that he HURT you?"

"We've already had this conversation Ben-"

"And we're going to fucking have it again!" His grip tightens. "I told you to stay behind me!"

The last time he'd touched you like this was the night of the premiere, when he told you that he didn't care about you, that he could never love you. The memory of that night lodges itself in the back of your throat, but you keep it down.

"And I told you that I wasn't going to do that!"

"Damn it y/n you can't-"

You pull yourself away from him. "No Ben. You can't tell me what to do. You don't get to control me. People have tried to control me all my damn life and when I first came with you I thought I was giving that up. But no, I just moved on and Vought took over. When I decided to live my own life, to stop being a supe, I was free! Finally! After forty years of bullshit I was finally free!"

Ben’s jaw is so tightly locked together you think you hear the grinding of his teeth. “So what are you saying? Are you saying that when you’re with me you feel trapped? Like I’m holding you fucking hostage?!”

“No.” You exhale heavily. "I understand that you love me. I understand that you want to protect me. But you need to understand that I love you too. That just as you're willing to lay down your life for me, I am willing to lay down my life for you. And if you want this to work between us, you need to understand that you don't control me. You're not my dad or my owner, you're the man I love. And until you realize that I am just as capable of protecting you as you are protecting me-"

"I know that." Ben seethes.

"What?"

"Do you really think that I don't see how strong you are?” You watch something flash in his eyes that isn't anger, the vulnerable look is back for a fleeting moment and it rocks you to your core. "I don’t want to control you! I’m not trying to. Have you thought that maybe after all this time I just wanted you to need me like I need you?"

His confession makes your heart stop. Does he really think that I don’t need him? That after all these years there’s no one else that I’ve needed more in my entire life?

“Ben.” You sigh while stretching out your hand to lay against his arm, but he flinches away. “ I do need you. You have no idea how much I need you, no idea what it did to me when I lost you even after everything that happened. I just don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“I don’t treat you like you’re-“ He begins to say.

“Yes. You do. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect me, but you have to understand that I want to protect you too.”

He huffs out a breath, shoulders tensed, arms crossed over his muscular chest. “I do understand that. I just hate it when you do that, that you push me out of the way. I hate when you get hurt.”

“And I hate when you get hurt." You bite the inside of your cheek. "You say that you were angry that Homelander hurt me, but did you stop to consider what it did to me to see him try to hurt you? Do you know what it did to me to see him touch you?”

Ben stands there for a minute glaring down at you, before his gaze begins to soften. “No.” He grumbles.

“Exactly.”

You both stand there for a minute eyeing one another, daring the other to break the silence.

This is ridiculous.

Finally Ben, sighs out a breath and jerks you forward against his chest. The hug would be bone crushing for anyone else, but not to you.

“You’re so fucking annoying.” He mutters into the top of your head, while his body curves around yours.

“I love you too asshole.” You huff, hugging him back just as tight.

“See they always work it out.” Legend shrugs at Butcher. “Takes them a while to get there. They made my job so much harder in the 70’s. Though I will say it’s a relief that they’re finally admitting they love each other. Way too much sexual tension before, gave me anxiety.”

Ben pulls back to look at your face with another loud sigh. He still looks a little angry, but not angry enough to start shouting again. His thumb strokes against your cheek. “Are you okay?”

You nod once leaning into his touch. “Are you?” You brush back some of his dark hair out of his face, looking for bruises but you don’t see any.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“If the two of you are done, we have bigger things to worry about-“ Butcher begins to say.

“We are and we do.” You interrupt looking away from Ben to stare at Butcher. “I need to borrow your car.”

“Why?”

“I need to go back to the city.”

“What?” Ben sputters releasing you from his grasp.

“And I think it would be better if I went alone-“ You continue slowly.

Honestly you did think that it would be better if you went alone, but you didn’t want to. You wanted Ben to come with you, the problem was Rosemary.

“Like hell I’m letting you go alone with that son of a  bitch flying around!” Ben shouts, temper flaring again.

“Which is why I have to go.” You try to say it diplomatically, try to have him understand without having to explain it. But there’s really no way around it, around any of this.

“No.”

“Ben please c-"

“Don’t tell me to calm down again! I’m not being crazy. You’re not going after him!” His eyes blaze a brilliant green, as he crosses his hands over his chest.

“Ben-“

“Why can’t you listen to me for once?”

“BEN!” You shout, grabbing his face and holding his cheeks between your palms to catch his attention.

“What?” Ben’s eyes lock with yours.

“I’m not going to the city to go after Homelander.”

He pauses confused. “Then why are you-“

And you just can’t take it anymore. You can’t hold it in any longer, can’t think of a way to tell him without just ripping the bandaid off. Your eyes meet his, apologetic, determined, and just a little bit fearful.

“I’m going back into the city to get our daughter.”

A/N: I know I know, it's been a while and honestly I didn't mean to get hit by writer's block this bad 😂😭

But it kinda works out, because what better way to celebrate Father's Day than to tell Soldier Boy that he's a dad?

As always thank you so much for reading! There are big things coming! And thank so much for the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know :)

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[scarletwinterxx]

the grumpy cat's secret soft side - chwe hansol imagine

hiiii ~ tbh i liveeee for the black cat turn into golden retriever type of guy🥺😭😅 this one is soooo cute, i hope you like it🤍 i’m trying to make up for being gone in the past weeks hence why the back to back posts.

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(pics not mine, credits to rightful owner)

You’re hanging out with your friends at a café, and, as usual, Vernon is sitting at a corner table, a frown fixed on his face. His arms are crossed, his eyes barely leaving the book he's reading, and his presence is just… intense. You know the drill—no one dares to approach him unless absolutely necessary.

Your friends chatter away, but their eyes keep flicking toward Vernon, trying to gauge the seriousness of his aura. You can practically hear them whispering:

"Does he even smile? He looks like he's plotting something dark."

"I bet he has some secret double life where he's a villain or something."

You roll your eyes, amused by the misconception. Sure, Vernon has this reputation of being the "grumpy cat". The guy who scowls at anyone who dares to speak to him but you know the real Vernon. The one who’s soft, playful, and okay, maybe a little too clingy when you're alone.

You sip your coffee, trying not to laugh at the thought of what they would say if they knew. They think Vernon is all sharp edges and cool indifference, but when it’s just the two of you? He’s a total golden retriever.

Later, the café empties out, and it’s just you and Vernon. You lean against the table, watching him flick through his book, clearly trying to seem like he's deep in thought.

"You know, you should really smile once in a while. People are starting to think you're some kind of cold-hearted villain."

He grunts in response, his eyes not leaving the pages "I don’t need to impress anyone. Why pretend to be something I’m not?"

You can feel the smile tugging at your lips. If only they knew how dramatically different he was when no one else was around. Just the other night, he’d insisted on cooking you dinner and then gotten mad at the TV when you laughed at a cooking show he didn’t even like. 

And the way his voice softens when he talks to you? Don’t even get you started.

"Mhm, sure. Just make sure no one sees you with your 'scary' persona, or they'll think you’re a supervillain." you tease him, a playful smile on your face

Vernon finally looks up at you, raising an eyebrow.

"You do realize you're the only one who gets to see me not acting like a 'villain,' right?"

You grin, taking a casual sip from your drink.

"Yeah, lucky me."

Fast forward to a few days later. You're out with Vernon and a few friends, walking through the park when you trip over a crack in the pavement. It's not that big of a fall, but you scrape your knee, and it stings just a little.

No one notices at first—except Vernon. His eyes snap to you, and you can see the panic flicker across his face. 

Before you can even fully recover from the stumble, he’s already by your side, crouching down with an expression that can only be described as dramatic concern.

"Oh my god, are you okay?! Did you hurt yourself?"

You blink, slightly surprised at how intense he’s reacting. He’s usually so calm in public, but now his eyes are wide, his hand hovering near your knee like he’s afraid even the slightest touch might cause more harm.

"It’s just a scrape, Vernon. I’m fine." you stutter, still surprised by his actions

He shakes his head vigorously, ignoring your reassurances, his face completely serious.

"No. You’re not. You're bleeding, and... you’re my responsibility!"

You blink at him wide eyed, "It’s really just a small scratch. It's not like—"

"Small?!" He looks at the tiniest red mark like it’s an open wound that could be fatal. His voice grows louder. "You’re going to need a bandage! I’ll—I'll carry you home!"

You can’t help but laugh at how over the top he’s being. The guy who looks like he’s plotting world domination in front of others is now losing it over a scraped knee. But he doesn’t seem to find it funny at all.

"Do not laugh! You’re injured, and this is serious business." he scolds you, already helping you up still chuckling, as he holds out his arms like he’s ready to scoop you up at any moment.

"I don’t need you to carry me, Vernon. I can walk." you assure him

"I insist." 

He’s so dramatic about it that it almost seems like he’s going to faint from the sheer concern he’s radiating.

"Is he seriously offering to carry you?" Dino asks, watching the whole scene

“What the hell is happening?" Seungkwan mumbles

You hear your friends muttering from the sidelines, their voices full of surprise, and you can’t help but smirk. This is the first time they’ve seen Vernon act this way, and they’re all shook by it.

"Vernon, seriously. I’m fine!"

But he’s already kneeling in front of you, looking up at you with wide, concerned eyes, ready to scoop you up into his arms like you're the most fragile thing in the world.

"Nope. I’m not risking it. Let’s go home. You need rest, and I need to make sure you’re not going to pass out or something."

You can’t hold back your laughter anymore."You're impossible."

"I’m just trying to keep you safe."

You finally let him win, letting him gently lift you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world, completely ignoring the curious stares from everyone else around. And despite how embarrassing this all is, you can’t deny it. You love how much Vernon cares about you. The "grumpy cat" persona is a total act.

You lean your head on his chest, feeling the warmth of his embrace.

"You know, I’ve never seen this side of you before."

"Good. Keep it that way. I’m only like this for you, got it?" voice full of seriousness

"Got it."

And in that moment, you realize, as much as Vernon tries to hide it from the world, he’s completely smitten with you—and you wouldn't have it any other way.

[st-kitten]

brat party pt.2

pt.3

synopsis: if sasuke thought that was the last he'd see of you, he was dead wrong. he couldn't figure you out. nor could he stay away from you.

warnings: weed, and my voice tbh ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

the college library had become your sanctuary. for the immaculate collection of reference books, for the ample desk space you used to scatter your laptop, ipad, books, water bottle, and more papers. you frequented the library.

sasuke, to his own surprise, had to borrow a few books on game theory, given his background in finance. he moved with a silent intensity, his very presence commanding respect from the other library-goers. people just knew not to get in his way.

you spotted him from a distance and you swore you'd seen him somewhere. there's no way you'd forget a face as charismatic as his. all you remembered was that you were in the bathroom with someone's dick in your mouth.

sasuke closed the book, tucking it beneath his arm as he was about to head to the librarian's desk.

taking a deep breath, you approached him and asked him, "forgive me if i'm wrong, and shoot me in the head if i definitely am but... did i... by chance..." you squinted your eyes and sighed "suck you off in the bathroom at the frat party?"

sasuke's eyebrows shot up in surprise at your blunt question, his eyes narrowing slightly as he processed her words. for a moment, he simply stared at your, his silence speaking volumes about his thoughts. then, without warning, a low chuckle rumbled in his chest, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. it was a dark, wicked laugh, full of unspoken implications.

"oh, you definitely sucked me off," he confirmed, his voice dripping with smug satisfaction.

you slumped against the book shelf. you hoped to god you hadn't embarrassed yourself. "was it... at least... satisfactory?"

he took a step closer, invading your personal space until you were nearly touching. "satisfactory?" he repeated, his tone low and husky. he smirked, and leaned forward a little "let's say... i wouldn't be forgetting it so easily."

he reached out, tracing a finger along your jawline, his touch electrifying despite its gentleness. "but don't think this means anything beyond that, understand?"

you nodded. "yeah... i know..."

sasuke's finger slid down your neck, coming to rest on your collarbone. he applied gentle pressure, guiding you to lean into his touch, his thumb brushing against your pulse point.

"good," he murmured, his breath warm against her ear. 

"because i don't do attachments, y/n. i don't get involved. and i certainly don't fall for anyone." his words were a stark reminder of the cold, hard truth of his existence. but even as he spoke them, sasuke couldn't help but notice the way your skin tingled under his touch, the subtle flush that spread across your cheeks.

"it was just a hookup, nothing more," he continued, his voice firm. "don't read too much into it."

"that was it though right? i just gave you a blowjob? no sex right?" i asked for confirmation.

a flicker of something—amusement, perhaps, or a hint of dark satisfaction—crossed sasuke's features at your inquiry. he leaned in closer, his lips barely brushing your ear as he replied in a low, conspiratorial tone.

"no sex, but not for lack of trying on my part," he whispered, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. "you were too drunk and stoned to consent properly. wouldn't have wanted to take advantage of you in that state."

"fair enough. cool... see you around, sasuke," your offered him a small smile, thankfully remembering his name from that hard-to-hear-over-the-music round of introductions at the party.

sasuke nodded curtly in response, his gaze lingering on you for a brief moment before he turned to leave.

as the days passed, sasuke couldn't help but notice you around campus. you didn't actively seek him out, nor did you avoid him—just a steady, neutral presence that he couldn't quite place. it was the perfect purgatory for what had happened, neither resolved nor completely dismissed.

he saw you with sakura, ino, tenten, temari, and hinata from time to time, but always observed from a distance how you seemed to prefer solitude, especially during lunch. while others gathered in groups, you were often tucked away under a tree or sitting alone in the cafeteria, lost in a book or deep in thought.

one night, sasuke and you walked into each other at the local convenience store outside campus. both of you had missed the canteen dinner; you because you'd been studying all night at the library and lost track of time, and him because he'd just returned from a late night workout at the gym he went to.

he grabbed a pack of onigiri and some instant miso soup, while you opted for steamed and grilled chicken with rice and a side of kimchi. the convenience store’s window-facing table had stools lined up neatly on one side, offering a view of the dimly lit street outside.

you both sat there, side by side, the quiet sound of chewing and the occasional clink of chopsticks against plastic containers filling the space between you.

sasuke stole a few glances your way, his eyes catching on the loose curls framing your face and the smudge of red pepper on your lower lip. he resisted the urge to comment, instead focusing back on his onigiri, though his thoughts lingered on the fleeting details he couldn’t seem to ignore; how your lips had swollen due to the spice, turning hot pink.

on the way back to campus, just before you both parted ways, him heading back to his house outside campus, you to your dorm, sasuke abruptly pulled you under an archway. in the quiet dark, with no one around, the risk felt minimal. pressing you against the cold brick wall, his hands settled firmly on your waist. he didn’t even bother justifying it to himself—he didn’t need to. a fleeting, meaningless makeout, he reasoned, was harmless.

his lips crashed against yours, hard and demanding, seeking to claim every inch of your mouth. fuck, he could taste the hot, spicy pepper on your lips. sasuke's tongue delved deep, exploring the warmth of your mouth with a hunger that bordered on desperation. he swallowed your gasps, drinking in the sound of your breath mingling with his own. his hands roamed her body, tracing the curves of your hips, the dip of your waist, the swell of your breasts.

he'd done this so many times, used so many girls on campus. this was just like that. right?

just physical. nothing else. he told himself as he made out with you ferociously, his hands slipping beneath your shirt to caress the warm skin of your abdomen.

the sound of the patrol guards snapped you out of your trance. sasuke pulled away slightly, licking at the strands of saliva that stretched as your mouths parted. he didn't say anything and turned around to exit the campus, leaving you heaving against the brick wall.

just like that, sasuke walked around campus like he hadn't shoved his tongue in your throat last night. he was a lone wolf, but occasionally hung out with naruto and shikamaru.

during the annual model un debate marathon, all the academically gifted students prepared rigorously under the guidance of their mentors and a few seniors. you got roped into it thanks to temari's insistence. as the first lady of the event, she claimed to have a 'gut feeling' about your knack for diplomacy. to prepare you, she assigned a task: interview the 'leaders' of various clubs and gather insights, for god knows what. probably just practice interviews to see if you could ask the right questions.

ipad in hand, you set off to complete the task. first on your list was sakura, who answered every question with the precision and authority of a seasoned leader. after her, you visited a few other club heads, jotting down their insights and anecdotes.

then, as you wandered further, you spotted naruto lounging about with sasuke and shikamaru. steeling yourself, you approached the blond man, ready for whatever unpredictable energy he would bring to the conversation.

sasuke listened intently as you interviewed naruto, his expression impassive. he noted the ease with which the blond spoke, the genuine enthusiasm that radiated from him—a stark contrast to his own reserved nature.

as the interview wrapped up, his gaze shifted toward you, his dark eyes narrowing slightly as he observed you. composed and confident. absolutely unbothered.

when you glanced in his direction, your eyes met briefly, a silent acknowledgment passing between you. then, without a word, sasuke turned away, resuming his study of the surrounding area, his thoughts still wandering back to your furtive encounter under the archway.

naruto leaned in, his grin as wide as ever. "you preparing for the mock un thing?" he asked casually.

"yeah," you replied, keeping it short.

"hmm," naruto mused, inching closer, his face way too close for comfort. "you know... i've always wanted to see you in a heated argument," he added with a playful smirk.

sasuke, standing nearby, didn’t react outwardly, but the way his jaw tightened betrayed a flicker of irritation at naruto’s proximity to you.

you gave naruto a sly smile. "good to know i have fans," you quipped, leaning back slightly to regain your space.

shikamaru, who had been half-listening, snorted at your response, his shoulders shaking with quiet laughter.

on the day of the debate, the hall buzzed with energy—spectators filled the seats, camera crews adjusted their angles, spokespeople hovered with clipboards, and faculty members mingled near the stage. naruto, as the principal’s son, occupied a seat in the exclusive VIP booth. alongside him sat sasuke, there by virtue of his position as the son of the guest of honour...the revered royal: uchiha fugaku, who exuded an air of stern authority, while itachi, sasuke’s older brother, carried his usual composed demeanour. sasuke, however, felt the familiar weight of his father’s gaze, a subtle pressure that always tightened his chest. he hated whenever fugaku was around, the man’s very presence a reminder of expectations sasuke wasn’t sure he wanted to fulfil.

you stood with temari and her brother gaara, the primary leaders of konoha's debate team. temari, always poised and confident, held the title of first lady, and you were second chair. your presence was calm, but commanding, as you stood tall in your outfit. you wore a gorgeous white satin shirt, the fabric hanging loosely over your frame, the black lacy camisole underneath peeking out just enough to catch sasuke's black hawk-eye vision. the subtle detail didn’t escape his attention. you paired it with black flared trousers, adding an air of elegance, and finished the look with classic black louboutins, the heels clicking softly with every movement. the combination of elegance and understated power gave you an aura of tranquility, making you seem unbothered by the chaos around you.

as the debate progressed, sasuke found himself increasingly engaged, his strategic mind whirring as he considered various scenarios and counterarguments. he watched the speakers carefully, his eyes narrowing in concentration as he analyzed each point, mentally calculating how he would dismantle their arguments if he were in their position. despite the outward calm, there was a fire inside him, a desire to outmaneuver and outthink everyone around him.

"and what about the two other countries claiming ownership over that island? you do realize that removing the political warfare won’t just make them agree it should be its own state, right?" the opposing member made his point.

temari wrote it down, and you took over, stepping up to speak. in the entire hall, when everyone was rushing to make their points harshly, to intimidate, you were the only one who spoke calmly, almost gently.

"indeed, it’s like the olympics of territorial disputes, isn’t it?"

you continued, voice steady, with just the right amount of lightness.

"we’ll set up diplomatic obstacle courses – navigating through bureaucratic red tape, hurdling over historical grievances, and of course, the ultimate challenge: finding common ground in international law. and to keep things interesting, we’ll have a diplomatic decathlon with events like synchronized treaty drafting and synchronized eye-rolling at stalemate situations."

you paused, letting the laughter ripple through the room.

"maybe, in the end, amidst the friendly competition, they’ll realize that cooperation isn’t just a buzzword – it’s the ultimate medal-worthy move in the game of global politics. and, hey... think of the tourism revenue."

the room filled with laughter. the opposing team was slowly losing their patience.

the debate raged on, tempers flaring, but you tried to stay calm. in the end, the debate tipped in konoha's favour. the opposing university lost face entirely when their speaker, assuming the mics were turned off, got impatient and insulted you, whispering to his teammate:

"please, big tits and a pretty face don't make a good diplomat"

people gasped, his team tried to get him to shut up. you shrugged. "maybe the d in diplomat stands for D cups," you murmured.

sasuke held back a choking cough.

at the end, your team took pictures with the principal and the guest of honour.

as fugaku shook hands with you, patting your shoulder and offering his congratulations, sasuke stood off to the side, his eyes narrowing slightly.

seeing his father interact with you, so effortlessly cordial, did something to sasuke. a mix of frustration, irritation, and... something else. he couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but the sight of his father, the legendary uchiha royalty, showing such warmth to you, when he rarely offered it to sasuke, was enough to gnaw at him.

sasuke didn’t like feeling this way. but he couldn’t tear his gaze away as fugaku moved on to the next person, still smiling, still the perfect picture of political diplomacy. meanwhile, sasuke just stood there, feeling... something he wasn’t ready to admit.

naruto and his dad, minato, the principal, also congratulated you. naruto casually slung his arm around your shoulder, talking to his dad about you with that easy smile of his. sasuke watched from the corner of his eye, his jaw tightening slightly as he tried to maintain his composure.

sasuke stood there, forcing his focus elsewhere, but the sight of you and naruto laughing, of minato joining in, lingered in his mind, eating away at him more than he wanted to admit.

afterwards, as people started to disperse, naruto invited you to have lunch with his dad, minato, and sasuke’s dad and brother. by extension, that meant you’d be having lunch with sasuke as well.

the idea didn’t sit well with sasuke. he wasn’t keen on having lunch with his father in public.

minato and fugaku treated everyone to a nice restaurant, and you found yourselves in a private booth. you sat by the window, enjoying the view. naruto, ever the energetic one, leapt into the seat beside you, practically throwing himself onto the cushions. sasuke, however, was stuck sitting across from you, next to his brother itachi. the whole arrangement made him uneasy, his discomfort only growing as he sat beside his family, with you just across the table.

sasuke's jaw tightened, his teeth grinding together as naruto continued to rest a casual hand on your thigh beneath the table. the sensation of his fingers creeping ever closer to your inner thigh didn't go unnoticed.

naruto, unaware of the storm he was causing, casually commented, "i think you might have a candidate for your diplomat panel, mr fugaku," glancing over at the elder uchiha, who hummed in approval.

"an internship is always a possibility," fugaku responded, his voice smooth and detached as if everything were completely normal.

you, on the other hand, seemed lost in your own world, barely touching your food, the silence around you broken only by the quiet hum of polite conversation. sasuke's eyes flickered to your face, to your lack of appetite.

"i tried to get my youngest in, but seems that he has no knack for subtlety. itachi is the current leader on my panel. perhaps she can learn a thing or two," fugaku said, the slight jab at sasuke going unnoticed by most at the table but not by him. fugaku's words lingered in the air, his casual dismissal of sasuke barely scraping the surface of what seemed like an ongoing, deeper rift between father and son.

sasuke was used to his father's indifference, the weight of expectation always heavier than his ability to meet it. but there was a flicker—just the briefest flash—of sadness that passed over his face.

noticing the change in his demeanour, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of concern. beneath the table, your heel lightly tapped his leg, the small touch a quiet question in a sea of unspoken tension.

'you okay?' your eyes asked.

sasuke’s eyes briefly met yours, the usual guarded look softening just enough for you to catch the underlying frustration, but his expression remained unreadable as ever. he didn’t speak, but the small, almost imperceptible nod he gave you was enough to tell you that the question, for now, had been answered.

sasuke noticed the way you had barely touched your food, your discomfort apparent as the conversation danced around you. naruto’s flirtatious gestures and the discussion about your potential role with fugaku’s panel seemed to be weighing on you, and he could see it in the way your fork hovered over your plate, your mind far away from the meal before you.

without making a scene, sasuke quietly leaned in, his movements subtle and deliberate. he began taking small pieces of food from your plate, slipping them onto his own as though it was part of the natural rhythm of the meal. each bite he took, he made sure it looked like you were eating, his actions measured so as not to draw attention.

sasuke’s phone buzzed softly, and he glanced down. your message was simple, but it carried the weight of a memory only the two of you shared. he smirked ever so slightly, the corners of his lips twitching as he read your text.

unknown: you still got that suspicious weed from the party?

he knew exactly what that meant — that one joint, the one you had shared when everything felt different, when he had indulged, and especially after you'd sucked him off in the bathroom at the frat house. how could he forget that.

sasuke typed a deliberate response, just to be sure, and your phone buzzed.

sasuke: who dis

cocky bastard. you smiled to yourself before typing.

unknown: testicle left

sasuke snorted an unexpected laugh and actually saved your number as such. so did you.

testicle right: anyway, yes, i still got it

testicle left: annnnnd, do i still have the privileges?

testicle right: maybe

[sorry, this is just too funny for me ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽]

————————

at 10 pm, you arrived at sasuke's house, and it immediately struck you how grand it was— a literal mansion. the kind of place you only saw in movies, with a towering façade and expansive grounds. you couldn't help but assume he lived with his family, servants, and all the other luxuries that came with this kind of wealth. still, you hadn't expected just how lavish it would feel up close.

as sasuke had instructed, you entered through the back door, which was conveniently left open for you. the moment you stepped inside, a black doberman pounced at you. you yelped softly, instinctively taking a step back as the dog barked aggressively, its dark eyes gleaming with energy.

just as the dog lunged, sasuke appeared from the darkness, moving with inhuman speed. in one fluid motion, he grabbed the dog's collar, halting its attack with a firm, commanding grip.

"spike, relax," he said calmly, his voice a low rumble that seemed to resonate in the quiet of the mansion.

the doberman whimpered, its earlier aggression fading into submission. its tail wagged slightly, and it looked up at sasuke with adoring eyes, as if it had been momentarily caught up in the excitement.

you looked at the dog, then at sasuke. "lovely bodyguard you have there."

"he's loyal, which is more than i can say for most people," sasuke remarked dryly, his eyes never leaving your face. there was a subtle bitterness in his tone, like a quiet echo of the isolation he'd built around himself.

without waiting for a response, he turned and led the way deeper into the mansion. the sound of his footsteps echoed off the marble floors, creating an almost eerie silence in the vastness of the house. you wondered how many rooms there'd be.

"do you have a dungeon?"

sasuke threw a glance at you from the corner of his eye, the tiniest of smirks etched on his face.

he quietly led you up to his bedroom. the space mirrored his personality—dark and minimalistic. grey walls, a few electric guitars hanging on one side, their sleek bodies almost blending into the shadows. a bookshelf lined one wall, filled with editions you could only assume ran through his family, the kind of books that carried a weight of legacy.

his bed was a king-sized affair, draped with oxford blue silk sheets that caught the dim light, a soft and thick comforter neatly folded at the foot, and black pillows arranged with meticulous care. everything about the room exuded a sense of controlled luxury, but there was also a coldness, a detachment that seemed to seep into every corner.

the room had a balcony that overlooked the night sky, the stars barely visible through the slight haze of city lights, casting a dim glow over everything. it was the kind of space where everything felt distant—like it was meant to keep people at arm's length.

without a word, he strode over to the liquor cabinet, retrieving two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. his movements were measured, effortless—like a ritual. he poured a generous amount into each glass, the amber liquid catching the low light in a way that felt almost intentional.

you took the glass gently, the weight of it grounding you. you both stepped out onto the balcony, the cool night air brushing against your skin, contrasting with the warmth of the whiskey in your hand. clinking your glasses together in a silent toast, you took a sip, immediately feeling the burn of the alcohol hit your throat.

"jesus..." you coughed softly, surprised by its potency.

"it's strong, isn't it?" he observed, taking a sip himself.

leaning against the railing, sasuke’s gaze turned to the star-filled sky, his mind adrift in a sea of thoughts. he couldn’t help but wonder about the complexity of his attraction with you. you were a temptation—one that both unsettled and intrigued him.

"does... your dad always do that?"

for a moment, sasuke was silent, his gaze distant as if lost in the shadows of memories long past.

"my father's opinions don't matter," he finally muttered, his voice coated with disdain. he took another swig of whiskey, the sharp burn cutting through him in a way that felt almost cathartic.

you studied his face intently, watching the way his features tightened, the subtle signs of the pain he still carried.

"sorry he does that to you..." you said quietly, your voice soft, genuine.

"it's not your concern," sasuke muttered, his voice rough, like it was struggling to break free from the weight of everything he kept buried inside. the words were cold, but there was a slight crack in them.

your gaze fell to the guitars in the background. you recognised one of the guitars. holding back a gasp, you looked at sasuke and asked as humanly calmly as you could, "why do you have the akatsuki bassist's guitar on your wall?"

sasuke visibly tensed, his body stiffening as though you’d struck a nerve. for a split second, the room seemed to hold its breath. he hadn’t told anyone about it, not a single soul. not even the people closest to him knew. only his family did. akatsuki was a disbanded band from five years ago, a group of masked teenage musicians whose music had been too controversial, too ahead of its time. the band had collapsed under the weight of public backlash. sasuke had been their bassist.

he hadn’t expected you to recognise it.

sasuke's thumb absently traced the edge of his glass, his gaze drifting away from yours as he muttered, "it's either obsession or severe autism for you to recognise that shit." he sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly.

your jaw fell, morphing into a wide knowing grin. "oh... my god. are—were you... the bassist?"

sasuke almost groaned at your question, the embarrassment creeping up on him. he shifted uncomfortably before finally nodding.

you clamped your mouth shut, hiding the huge smile spreading across your face.

sasuke shot you a glare, leaning forward slightly, whiskey on his breath as he threatened you to keep it to yourself. "don't fucking say a word." he muttered, his voice low and intense.

you nodded, and shook your head at the same time.

"you still good?"

a wry smile tugged at the corners of sasuke's mouth at your question.

"good enough," sasuke replied, his tone nonchalant, but a hint of pride crept into his voice. he could see your doe eyes looking up at him expectantly.

sighing, he sauntered towards the guitars, plucking out a sleek black bass guitar with four thick strings, a small red cloud etched on the curve of the front. plugging it into the amplifier, he tuned it to perfection, strumming a few notes with a casual ease.

he sank onto the carpeted floor, resting against the bed that was bolted to the floor, the sound of the guitar filling the space between you two. you sat next to him, whiskey glasses by your feet, the tension from earlier fading into the background.

sasuke plucked a few bass notes, the sound of his old songs drifting into the air. each note was sharp, clean, and deliberate, as though the music had never really left him.

you could hear history in the strings, the quiet intensity of the sound filling the air, as sasuke's fingers moved fluidly over the bass, a ghost of the band that had once existed.

[im using . by girl in red for reasons that shall hopefully make sense (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) and idk if u can hear my voice over my guitar and the instrumental - bear in mind i don't have studio equipment nor a bass guitar, so it's just an electric]

halfway, you recognised the song. without thinking, you reclined back against his bed, your voice rising in accompaniment, a feminine contrast to the grating bass that sasuke had mastered.

sasuke's fingers faltered for a moment, the unexpected blend of your voice catching him off guard. his gaze flickered to you, but he didn’t say anything.

but he could hear the rest of the band echo through his memories, itachi's keyboard, obito's drums. he had been used to the raw, almost abrasive sound of hidan’s vocals, the chaos they brought to every performance. but with you, it felt… different. the rough edge had softened, replaced by a smoothness that made the song feel more personal, more intimate. a slight unease stirred within him. he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed this kind of harmony until now.

he hadn’t expected this—hadn’t even known you could sing, let alone with such haunting beauty. as the final notes faded away, a heavy silence descended upon the room, broken only by the steady hum of the amp. sasuke's chest rose and fell with ragged breaths, his mind struggling to process what had just happened.

"you've got... a voice," he muttered, the words rough, as if admitting it was a struggle. he took a sip of his neglected whiskey.

"sounds exactly as it was... man... that was a phase," you said, looking up at the ceiling.

sasuke smiled unbeknownst to him, "yeah? you a fan?"

you nodded. "i know all 36 songs by heart."

sasuke snorted a laugh. it felt so silly now, but back then, when he was a teenager, had he heard that somebody memorised the songs he wrote and performed with his brother, he'd have been on cloud nine.

"may i?" you asked, looking at his acoustic guitar, your voice soft but laced with a hint of curiosity, as if expecting to be refused.

for a moment, sasuke simply stared at you, his expression unreadable. then, to his own surprise, he nodded once, curtly.

"fine," he said, his voice a little gruff. he stood up, retrieving a slender acoustic guitar from its stand. with a swift motion, he handed it to you, your fingers touching briefly.

you hesitated for a second, the weight of the guitar settling in your hands.

"heh. i have the same one," you said, holding his black granada six-string guitar, your fingers tracing its familiar curves.

"you do?" he asked, his tone tinged with curiosity as he sat back down, sipping his whiskey, his dark eyes fixed on you.

you strummed gently, pausing to tune the guitar by ear, the way he had earlier. the chords you played were unfamiliar to him.

then, softly, you sang as you strummed—a short verse, simple yet poignant, a melody that seemed to resonate with the quiet ache of sasuke's life, a toast to his inner turmoil.

the gentle, soothing quality of your falsetto in the chorus washed over sasuke like a calming wave. his gaze softened, his sharp features losing their edge.

perhaps you were a little like him. broken, hurt, but trying.

"you write those yourself?" there was a note of awe in his question, a hint of reverence for the artistic talent he'd just witnessed.

you chuckled. "oh, no, that's taylor swift."

a small, surprised laugh escaped sasuke's lips at your casual admission. taylor swift? he wouldn't have pegged you as a fan of the pop star, especially given the solemn, introspective nature of the song you'd just sung.

"not my usual cup of tea, but..." sasuke trailed off, his gaze flickering between you and the guitar, as if reassessing something he thought he already knew about you.

you placed his guitar gently beside you, its neck resting against sasuke's bed. taking a sip of the whiskey, its warmth spread through your chest, grounding you.

as promised, sasuke lit the joint—the same unique blend you'd shared in the bathroom during your first day at the frat house party. after taking a slow drag, he handed it to you.

leaning back against the bed, arms crossed, sasuke's dark eyes followed your every movement as you took a hit.

you exhaled slowly, turning to him. "are you okay?" you asked, your voice calm but probing.

"i'm fine," he replied curtly, his tone brushing the question aside like an unwanted fly.

you scoffed lightly, taking another short drag before passing the joint back to him. "you're a bad liar," you said, your voice holding a faint challenge.

sasuke's eyes narrowed at your words, annoyance flashing briefly across his face. he accepted the joint, taking a long, deliberate pull before responding.

"you don't know anything about me," he muttered, his voice low and guarded, a clear warning not to press further.

you looked away, your gaze falling on the balcony and the glowing moon hanging in the distance. "right..." you murmured softly, a faint edge of resignation in your tone. it was a quiet reminder to yourself that no matter how much you pried, he was always going to keep you at arm’s length.

his dog, spike, entered through the dog door into the room, his paws padding softly on the carpet. without hesitation, the doberman approached sasuke, licking at his arm and neck, before turning his sharp gaze toward you. a low growl rumbled from his throat.

"easy, boy," sasuke murmured, placing a calming hand on spike's broad head. his voice was firm yet soothing, instantly easing the dog's tension.

you smiled at the intimidating dog, holding out your hand with quiet confidence. spike sniffed cautiously, his ears twitching as he seemed to assess you. sensing the calm energy you radiated, he let out a soft huff before pressing his snout into your palm.

settling near you, the dog stretched out, his eyes growing heavy as you continued to pet his head gently, your touch light and rhythmic.

sasuke's gaze drifted from your hand resting on spike's head to your face. the serene expression you wore, paired with the calming energy you seemed to exude, caught him off guard.

he watched, almost envious, as spike—a creature so fiercely loyal and protective—melted under your touch. a part of him wished he could possess that kind of purity, that unspoken ability to soothe and calm just by being present. perhaps that was why his turbulent personality gravitated so strongly toward your softer, steadier one.

the heady mix of the weed and whiskey coursing through his system dulled his inhibitions. before he could think twice, sasuke leaned in, his lips brushing your shoulder in a fleeting, absent-minded kiss. the tip of his cold nose nuzzled against your skin as he kept pressing soft kisses.

as sasuke pulled back, a faint flush of embarrassment crept up his cheeks, stark against his pale complexion. his mind raced, trying to process the impulsive gesture. his dark eyes met yours, a storm of emotions swirling within them—shame, confusion.

"forgive yourself, sasuke," you whispered, your voice tender yet firm.

sasuke's initial reaction was a suspecting frown, a glare he was used to deploying

"i... can't", he managed to whisper, his voice barely audible over the pounding of his heart.

you turned to sasuke, your movements deliberate and tender. your hands reached for his face, your fingers brushing against the sharp edges of his jawline, before sliding into the soft strands of his black hair. his breath hitched at the unexpected intimacy, his body tensing as though preparing to push you away.

without hesitation, you gently pulled him toward you, wrapping your arms around his rigid frame. his head rested against your shoulder. you held your breath, aware that there was a 50% chance he’d shove you away. but as seconds passed, his resistance faltered, and his body sagged slightly against yours.

he didn’t reciprocate the hug—his arms stayed limp at his sides—but he didn’t pull away either. his breathing grew uneven, and you felt the faint tremor in his shoulders.

you never pulled away from hugs first; god knows how much people might have needed one. so you stayed, as long as he let you.

minutes later, he pulled away, avoiding your gaze, downing his whiskey with one gulp.

"i'll lock the back door on my way out..." you whispered, getting ready to leave his house.

he just nodded.

he listened to the sound of her footsteps fading into the night. he didn't know what the fuck the night had turned out to be. but one thing was certain, this wouldn't be the last time he'd be seeing you.

[annakie]

FIXING THE HOUSE - PART FOURTEEN (B) - THE TRUE FINAL CHAPTER!

Copper Green

Part One: I Do Not, In Fact, Have the Power

Part Two: Let’s Spend Lots of Money!

Part Three: All These Things That I’ve Done

Part Four: I Really Want to Stay At My House

A little interlude.

Part Five: Power Down

Part Six: You Will Leave Some Paint

Part Seven: Backwards to go Forwards

Part Eight: Master of Bathrooms

Part Nine: Within a Room, Somewhere

Part Ten: Rooms With No View

Part Eleven: Big Bang Room Part A and also Part B!

Part Twelve: We Can Make It On the Outside

Part Thirteen: Mauve Haze Symphony

Part Fourteen (A) - In the Kitchen

Part Fourteen (B) - Copper Green (YOU ARE FINALLY HERE!!)

Guys, we've arrived.

I can't believe this is the last Fixing the House post. Well, unless I find some other major thing to fix? But I SURE HOPE NOT. I don't have the money for that. :p

Y'all... I wasn't going to touch the kitchen. I really wasn't. I mean, I needed to get it rewired with the entire house. And it definitely had its quirks like we talked about at the end of the last post but it was... okay. It had the 2009 facelift and there were certainly bigger problems in the house. The "new" countertop and sink were holding up well 15 years later, still looked quite good! And OKAY we needed to replace the floor along with all the other new flooring Arturo put in, it's all one big room pretty much and there was a little water damage around the sink and fridge, but it wasn't terrible.

Well. Then... things happened.

Honestly, the first thing that happened was the flooring, like I talked about. I'd written out a priority list and there were a couple of "nice to have" things in the kitchen but they all ranked low. But the thing was, there had been one thing in the kitchen I really wanted, but looking at my budget, after asking Arturo the price of the floor vs the price of the thing I wanted... I went with the floors.

What I really wanted though was new cabinet doors and drawers.

I'd just said in the previous post (and tbh I added it a few minutes after posting, in case you read the previous post right after I posted it) that the bottom cabinet doors would just open on their own all the time. Annoying. And the drawers kept falling off the tracks, and one drawer had fallen apart and so was wasted space.

So I didn't even want new cabinets, JUST the doors and drawers, maybe something more modern than the cheap and obviously 60's doors that were there. I think the layout of the kitchen is as good as it could get without like HUGE fixes.

(And hilariously - and putting this out there first that we did not do this, - Arturo had A PLAN of what he really wanted to do. He VERY MUCH wants to tear out that entire wall with the oven and pantry, and put in a HUGE island. We'd have to do a post or two for support. I pointed out that I'd lose the pantry, and a couple of days later he came back with a plan to move the pantry to the side closer to the door, and also to raise the dropped ceiling by re-routing the air ducts located there, which is the reason for the lower ceiling in the kitchen anyway. If ever in the future there is an update to this series of posts... that's probably going to be why. But no, we didn't do that. I'm thinking about it for some day when I get a financial windfall though :p )

But... yeah. Looking at the budget, the floor was in worse shape, more practical, more economical.

Then, when I'd made peace in my heart that we were just not going to really touch the Okay Kitchen much, two things happened.

First, my mom called one night to discuss how things were going. We had a good long talk and near the end she asked about the kitchen. I told her that I had thought about the cabinets and had Arturo price it for me, and it would be about the same as the floor, so I'd chosen the floor. "Do both," mom said. "There's money if you need it. I know you're good for it."

Not wanting to take a loan from my parents, I told her thank you and I'd think about it.

And then right about the same time, Arturo told me how his brother, who was also a contractor, had, a couple of years ago, renovated a hotel. In one part of the hotel they'd put in this granite, and then the hotel owner decided a few days later he didn't like that granite and told Arturo's brother to get rid of it and bought some new countertop.

Instead of throwing it away, Arturo's brother stored that basically new granite in Arturo's backyard. Where it had sat since then.

Both Arturo's wife and the city (or maybe HOA?) were telling him he had to get rid of it. He showed me a picture of it. The picture was taken at night and kind of grainy so I wasn't sure about it.

So he brought me a sample the next day, just a like 1' wide piece.

It was black and kind of coppery in person and I fell in love almost instantly. I put the shittiest picture he sent me up there on purpose.

"Well," I asked. "How much?" Granite was a pipe dream, after all. I hadn't ever seriously dared to dream about ever having granite. I mean, really. GRANITE? In this house? Not possible.

"Oh," Arturo replied "you can just have it. You'll have to pay my regular countertop guy for the install but that should only be like, $500."

My jaw practically dropped open. What the fuck. Granite didn't belong in this house. And now I could have it?!? For FREE!?!

I was almost in tears when I told Arturo yes, and thanked him like a thousand times.

That night I called my mom, told her what Arturo said, and asked for that loan.

I mean, hell, I couldn't get granite countertops without getting the cabinets done, right?

---

It wasn't just the doors. When I decided to do this, it triggered something else. I just needed to do the kitchen right this time. It was okay now. But it could be even better, and mom agreed. I was at this point invested in making sure the whole house had all the shitty things fixed. I could have the best kitchen a reasonable budget could give me. I was getting granite countertops and new cabinets and I needed to bring a few more things up to that quality.

Look, I haven't posted many pics yet, so let's start with these. They're kinda like one I posted from 2009! But these instead have Fry checking things out. I guess technically these pics come after the next one because this was countertop day, ah well.

What you can see in these pictures is that the drawers would be on secure tracks along the side instead of one track hanging overhead, that was easy to drop off of.

I made the decision that the backsplash had to get upgraded. That wasn't an easy decision but as much as I loved the copper tiles... they were losing their luster and needed to go.

I didn't want to entirely lose the "old copper" though. I did look into what a new range hood would cost and decided the old one was just fine, thank you, let's keep that and the lazy susan in the pantry as the cool reminders of the kitchen's roots.

I asked Arturo for more outlets there in that pic above by the fridge. New lighting above the sink, wired in and not taking up a precious outlet.

A week or so later, just a day or two after the new floors were in, there was a knock on the door and a whole crew of 20-something guys streamed in. I had no idea it took a village to replace a small kitchen's worth of doors and drawers, but everything had been made.

I stayed out of their way and let them do their thing all afternoon.

Throughout the day the old doors came off, and the naked new doors went in. It was honestly a bit bittersweet, seeing the old doors get stacked up to probably be discarded. They took them, though. Maybe they resold them as vintage. I do not care.

At the end of that day, the kitchen looked like this:

One drawer and that end cabinet needed refitting, and the drawers on the other side, but holy crap, look, I have Shaker-Style cabinets! Not painted yet, no handles or knobs yet, but they had... hinges with springs??!!? They aren't super fancy, no soft-close or anything but the drawers... I mean they stayed on their tracks?? Didn't just fall open!? AND YOU CAN OPEN THEM ALL THE WAY AND GET TO WHAT'S IN BACK?

(Sidenote: Remember how said the old cabinet doors came open on their own all the time? Turns out I was wrong. The night after these went in Pemily started crying LOUDLY in the kitchen when... it turns out she couldn't open these cabinets. Yeah, the old doors didn't have springs in the hinges and SHE was the one opening them all the time, she just hates closed doors! She can't get these open, the springed hinges make them too heavy for her. It took several days for her to stop crying about it. I would show her what's inside sometimes to calm her down.)

---

Arturo said he should have told me before the cabinet guys showed up to empty the kitchen, so I made their lives harder by not having that done, so I got started on that ASAP that night.

That was was RIGHT after we got the dining room furniture put back in the dining room. Got most of the boxes from the Office/DR unpacked (not the green china cabinet, as you can see below) and put away and immediately the DR looked like this.

I also took the opportunity to do a big purge of the kitchen. That huge box in the front left became where I put all the cookware, dishware and utensils that I no longer wanted. I threw out like five trash bags of expired food but mostly expired cleaning products and misc kitchen things that I no longer wanted but weren't good enough for giveaway.

A lot of the things put in that box or thrown out once belonged to my grandparents, a lot of that red and green pattern dishware from that previous post's picture. I just didn't use most of it and had gotten stuff that was more to my taste.

I called my parents and for some reason felt like I needed permission to get rid of it. They granted it, absolving any guilt I had. I just was tired of having crammed cabinets. It was time to make hard choices. I ended up giving that box of stuff to my across the street neighbors. They have yard sales often and so knowing the stuff probably got sold to someone else and is still in use somewhere feels better than knowing it went directly in the trash. I had planned to donate it to Goodwill or something but honestly my neighbor benefiting from it with no more effort from me felt just fine, thanks!

Around this time, another box arrived, something I'd shopped many hours for and had mostly bought with accumulated points on my credit card. I was so excited, it was one of my favorite things I'd bought.

Here's a preview.

We'll get back to it, though.

---

There was a bit of drama with the granite countertop install. Arturo's normal guys decided to try and charge me double of what they would normally charge for an install this size. They showed up to do the work then told Arturo it'd be $800. Arturo got into a slightly heated argument with them and threw them out of my house. He said they were trying to take advantage of me, and wouldn't let them.

Two days later another pair of guys he worked with, normally his second choice, showed up. They wanted $430. DONE!

Arturo is amazing, y'all. And these guys did an amazing job on the countertop install.

That night when it was in, I stood in the kitchen for, I don't know, twenty minutes or so like crying with joy just repeatedly wiping down and running my fingers over the granite. It was so gorgeous, it was beyond what I imagined I could ever have in my house, when I started with that ancient, yellowed, worn-out countertop 21 years ago.

My kitchen was going to be pretty. It could be something to walk into and say "WOW!" about, instead of me feeling like I had to apologize for.

---

So, backsplash.

I looked at several places online but it was on Amazon that I fell in love. I knew the second I saw it that it was perfect. I ordered the boxes without consulting Arturo, and somehow managed to buy the exact right number.

I knew pretty early on what color I wanted the cabinets. It wouldn't be a gigantic change, but I was sure the second I saw it that it was perfect. I wanted classic Americana. I wanted the perfect compliment to the star of the show in the kitchen.

I wanted Sage. Just the sage that was simply called Sage in the Sherwin-Williams Swatch Book. I considered other sages, but no. The classic Sage was perfect.

The final cabinet fitting with the Cabinet Crew happened a week or so after the first. It was really not fun being without a fully functional kitchen for like two weeks but I lived through the inconvenience, I could always microwave or crock pot even on the most inconvenient days. After they were done, Arturo took all the doors and drawers back off. They were all painted in one day in the backyard thanks to spray-pump technology. It took me DAYS to do it the first time in 2004! And look at this, it wasn't much past noon when I took the above pic!

I was even more certain that I made the right color choice as soon as I saw the final product.

It took a day for the cabinets themselves to get painted.

Around then we also started talking wall colors for the kitchen and pantry. I knew the pantry shelves would also be sage, and the pantry door. But the walls...

Something in me said no to green walls. Too much green. Something in me said... go bold.

The backsplash had arrived recently and there was a bit in the backsplash that I really loved, and I was like... would this be crazy? Should the rest of the walls pull out this color?? The color was a very dark brown. Like, a coppery brown. Dark brown walls. Is it insane? Janarie (Arturo's main painter) and my mom both sounded very unconvinced when I discussed it with them. I was split between two browns, and I brought my idea to Arturo, and he said that he actually had a practically new gallon of one of those colors, Black Bean, from his previous job, so we wouldn't even have to buy that paint. Hell yeah.

The doors got put on as soon as the cabinets were dry a day or so later. The backsplash went on that same day, Arturo and his guys stayed late to get the backsplash on so the grout could dry overnight.

The grout... I'd picked a brown, matching Black Bean almost exactly. Pulling it together even more.

When the backsplash was on, Arturo confessed that he thought maybe after seeing it on the walls that Black Bean was going to be too dark with the backsplash and brown grout. We talked about instead painting the walls an offwhite.

The pantry was small and would look even smaller and TOO dark if it were done in Black Bean, we'd both agreed on that. So I got the Sherwin Williams website to tell me what shade of white went well with Sage. It gave me Heron White, so we got a gallon of that, thinking we'd probably do all the walls that color at that point. The pantry walls got done that day and I asked Janarie to hold off starting on the kitchen walls until Arturo and I could talk about it, she painted the shelves sage instead. The Heron White looked more off-white-y on the website than in person and I was like... I do not want pure white walls in my kitchen. I just don't.

So when Arturo got there we decided to go ahead with the Black Bean plan after all, and hey, it's just paint and if we hated it, we do another color.

We did the small wall where the lightswitch is by the microwave first.

And it looked fucking awesome.

Arturo and Janarie quickly painted all of the walls in the kitchen Black Bean. I started a new little project at the end of the day and got all my real copper bottom cookware all polished. I'd bought a used 1960's set of Revere Ware, from when it had pure copper bottoms from Ebay a few years ago. It was an economical way to get some quality copper cookware and I'm very happy with it, though the handles sometimes need repairs.

That night i screwed new (copper colored) hooks into my pots and pans wall, that same wall Dad and I had covered with paneling... and holy shit, look how amazing this looks y'all.

Black Bean and polished copper, an outstanding combination. I love it so much.

We ended up painting the ceiling the Heron white, as it had gotten a bit gnarly with splashes and time, and it looks amazing. That's also done in the above picture.

---

I bought a few more things like perfectly matching sage potholders and dishcloths (from All Clad, sure why not? The color is right!)

One more thing to talk about so I can just post another picture -- another small change i had done was had a light put in the pantry. It was always so dark and hard to see in parts of the pantry. No more!

Heron white and sage pantry! I also bought those new copper canisters for fresh coffee grounds always, and another set behind it for flour/sugars/oats.

One thing about the pantry... THE FREAKING DOOR.

We had to replace the ugly door that came off the tracks with a door that fit, and stayed on the tracks, and was pretty.

We got a solid bi-fold door. Arturo put it on and I LOVED IT.

But then I thought the handle was too high. So I asked if we could move the handle. He said no, but we could flip the door over and it would be lower.

So we did that. And then over the next couple of days I realized it made it so the door as opening from the wrong half of the fold and was harder to open in general.

One of the few times I genuinely annoyed Arturo for during the renovations was when I asked him to flip the door back over, lol. But he did it. SORRY ARTURO. You were right and I was WRONG!

Now painted, with pretty new door pull, too!

---

What knobs/cabinet/drawer pulls were like another big area I spent a LOT of time. I shopped around the stores but I wanted things that went together. I found on Amazon an entire set of things that were handles, cup pulls and knobs. Arturo and I talked a lot about what went where and in what configuration but in the end I found exactly what I wanted. I almost made a real dumb decision to get cup pulls for EVERYTHING but Arturo and some pictures I saw where someone else did that talked me out of it.

The color on the knobs on top in particular is a little brighter than I'd like but the style is exactly what I wanted and it's a very tiny thing I can live with.

Okay and KITCHEN LIGHTING is a big thing.

Those stupid, deep recessed wells where the lights were? Arturo went "Yeah we're covering those up and putting in can lights." I tried suggesting putting some dangling pendulum type lights that would reach the bottom of the wells to keep some of the depth of the wells, since the ceiling is so low in the kitchen, but he said that those still wouldn't distribute light well and it would still be dark in the kitchen. He talked me into covering the wells and putting in can lights like the office/dining room.

So I agreed, and he was right.

---

OK here, judge my 2024 food choices.

Or just tell me how great my Sage and Heron White pantry looks. It's a bit better organized now than in this pic.

----

Okay, y'all. Let's finally do some real reveal pics!!!

Guys. GUYS.

The bright lighting.

The Black Bean wall.

The Sage shaker-style cabinet doors.

The Copper knobs, cup pulls and snag-free door handles.

The All-Clad sage potholders.

THE GRANITE COUNTERTOPS.

The new floor.

THE BACKSPLASH. Copper. Hexagons. In three colors of copper, and dark brown grout that lets the copper be the centerpiece. Closeup of that coming soon.

A sliver of the new pantry door.

OH and I didn't even mention... we painted the oven black with a special heat-resistant paint so that it fit in better. Yes, I still have the same oven. It works fine, except for the 50-degrees off thing which is not at all a problem once you know about it. Maybe someday I'll get a new one, but I truly don't need it now and there were a lot of places that needed the investment more. It blends into the kitchen painted black and I'm very happy with it.

Um, I think at some point I mentioned I love copper, right?

I got copper-colored flatware.

But also... look at these drawers that smoothly pull out all the way and stay on their tracks!!!

A closer look at that backsplash and the painted oven. New copper spoon rest. Also the kitchen utensil holder is new. I've gotten rid of most of the black utensils and replaced them with stainless steel since.

It all goes together so well.

Reverse angle!

Oh! One more new thing I forgot to mention I think anywhere (Maybe in the dining room post? Not sure?) is that we also put a new light and switch in over the entryway. I realized that when we took out the old ceiling fan and put in one that didn't have a light, that when I entered the house from the garage I had no immediate access to any light since the lights in the dining room are on the wall opposite the oven. So we took out a very old ADT alarm panel, which came with the house when I bought it and was nothing but an eyesore, put a new lightswitch and single light there for immediate entryway lighting. Brighter and more convenient!

Also the door handle on the door to the garage was VERY weirdly about six inches into the door instead of a normal length. No idea why, but it required a special doorknob that was in bad shape. Since we were replacing all the doorknobs in the house, Arturo had to drill a new doorknob hole and he somehow seamlessly patched the old hole, I don't know how he did it but you can't even see the old hole. Now the doorknob is right where you'd expect it to be.

But here's a picture where you can see I'd shoved a dishtowel in the old hole for insulation before it was patched lol.

-----

Okay, okay so... let's look at the other half of the kitchen. In just a sec.

My entire adult life I have dreamed about a certain thing in my kitchen... well I mean besides granite countertops.

A copper sink.

So I started wondering if I could possibly afford that.

And YEOUCH. They ranged from pricey but... maybe to lol no that's more than I'm spending on the rest of the kitchen two or three times over.

Also I started really reading into what it took to maintain one and was like uhhh... that seems like a lot of work. Maybe not.

And then I saw online this one company... Strictly Sinks? And they did colored stainless steel sinks? And they were... okay definitely not cheap but relatively affordable. And they made copper colored stainless steel sinks. Pretty well reviewed, too.

And... I just absolutely fell in love. With one in particular.

The next day I showed it to Arturo and asked if we could make it work and he was like "Yes we can, and you have to get that sink. It's beautiful."

So I DID IT.

We'd also need a new faucet, and we measured and discussed how high I could go for a new faucet with the cabinet there. I took a chance with one that I absolutely loved.

And it all came together more amazingly than I could have ever hoped for.

Y'all... just... just look at this.

Pemily says Hi, and wants to know if you can open the cabinet doors for her please.

I cannot believe this is my house.

An under-counter farmhouse style sink in the most gorgeous copper color and the easy maintainability of stainless steel.

A faucet that fits with enough clearance under the sink that's tall enough to fill a big pot, and in an absolutely perfect, oil-rubbed bronze color.

I love that you pull down the head of it for a very flexible hose so you can spray ANYWHERE easily. It has three modes of spray. A regular stream, a light circular shower shown above, and a a button to push that turns it into a heavy spray.

And the sink. It's so gorgeous. I'm so happy with EVERYTHING about it. The sink came with the grates to help protect the bottom and keep the bottoms of pots/dishes soaking from getting gunky. If you look at the close-up pic of the stove area there's a beautiful wooden cutting board that the sink also came with that slots right over the sink for easy chopping and scraping right into the garbage disposal.

(Speaking of which, when they took out my old sink they damaged the garbage disposal so Arturo gave me a new one for free he already had laying around. Let's hope this one stays working well.)

The square bowls and drains are so stylish, too. The color is perfect. I'm so happy about it. When people walk into the kitchen the sink is the first thing they notice and ooh over. It's the centerpiece, and it deserves it as much as the granite. The backsplash gets its fair share of attention as well. And the Black Bean really was the right choice for the walls. The lighting situation has improved so much that even with the darker appliances and black countertop, I really thinks everything comes together and balances so well.

Look at the SHINE!

I had the copper containers by the sink already but my favorite drink mixes and snacks go in there for easy access. Also yay, four outlets! Bought a new toaster, too.

And the over-sink lighting is hard wired, bright LED lights that stretch about 2/3rds of the way under the counter. It looks fantastic and so dramatic in the dark as you can see in the first reveal pic above. I keep it on on all day now, it's bright enough that I often don't turn on the overhead lights.

Who knew a kitchen didn't have to be dim and dingy?!

I love it so much y'all. So. Very. Much.

---

But there's been ONE more big change since these pics were taken.

The fridge there... so we painted it black with a thick sticky paint and... I painted it more after that picture and it looked pretty good!

But it had also been making a lot of noise for the last couple of years, getting worse all the time.

It was 21 years old, and very cheap when I bought it. I wasn't sure it was doing its job that well anymore. And it had the "can't open all the way" problem discussed in the previous post.

My parents had visited a few weeks earlier, as had my bro/SIL+ niblings and all had commented on the noise. The fridge was dying y'all and that is one thing you don't want to delay on too long. I'd been delaying awhile.

So I told my mom I was going to delay paying her back for a little while longer and on Black Friday did a lot of research, went to Lowe's and made a decision.

A side-by-side. Whirlpool so hopefully quality (New dishwasher is Whirlpool and doing great after 4 years.)

It's pretty much the smallest full-size side by side there is and i had very specific size requirements.

Verrrrry specific, lol. Honestly this is bad because it's supposed to have more room to vent, so I have it pulled away from the wall a bit more than I would otherwise. This fridge fits in the space., but not by much.

It's beautiful!

And I can stand in front of it and open both doors all the way.

Please feel free to continue judging my food choices.

It is THE last Big Purchase. It's now time for repayment and re-savings.

Well, as soon as I finish getting the generator hooked up. I have the stuff I need, just gotta get the electrician out to do the work.

---

HEY, if you've read all this, thank you so much for reading/liking/commenting! I know it's been a six-month saga for us both! I hope it was fun / entertaining to read, but mostly it was self-indulgent for me.

I honestly hope every one of you get to someday make your living space into what you want it to in a budget-friendly(ish!) way.

And I hope you all find your own Arturos if you want one!

Merry Christmas / Happy Hanukkah / Happy Holidays / Happy New Year y'all! <3

[i-sveikata]

hii!

I’ve been a semi-silent reader since graveyards was first published but I cannot be silent any longer! I absolutely love this fic and I don’t have enough words to describe what a pleasure it has been to read it. According to ao3 I’ve visited it 59 times already (I’m on my 4th official re-read and frequently go back to chapters when I randomly think back on a specific scene).

I’m currently on the scene where Vegas briefly wonders what it would be like to raise children with Pete and I have to ask, are we going to get Venice at any point? And what would Vegas be like as a father? I think Pete would be a good parent because of how practical he is, that and his patience with Macau and how he makes sure to consider his feelings when communicating with him. Vegas on the other hand, I think he could be a good parent especially if he was doing it with Pete but maybe his perception of himself being evil and destructive would get in the way of that?

p.s. after reading the first chapter of graveyards I went back and read all your other fics and all I have to say is chef’s kiss. The barbarian sterek and the one where Stiles thrifts Dereks clothes are two of my favourites.

Hey anon!! Thanks for coming to say hello!! Wow omg that’s so many times to visit a fic I hope you enjoy the fourth reread!!

I’ve actually answered this one a few times before but this fic is based off the show- I’ve never read the novel. So while I do know of Venice vaguely from what other people have mentioned in the fandom he’s not going to appear in this fic.

Tbh I think they would both make very good parents- they both already have clear examples of what kind of upbringing did not work for them so it would be them both trying to walk down a new path together. That wouldn’t make it impossible for them to recreate trauma in new ways of course but I do think they’d both be very good at pulling each other up on things if they thought one of them went too far or if they disagreed with how the parenting was being done. I think the environment would work against them a little- being in a mafia family and constantly in danger would make things feel a little less secure and they’d both be insanely protective of their kid but I do see them making the necessary sacrifices to enable their kid to live a moderately stress free life- I.e stepping away from high stakes/ chaotic situations or not pissing off people enough that they’re making lots of enemies to deal with etc.

I think if things ever got too bad they’d take off together for a fresh start somewhere else in Thailand and find new jobs that wouldn’t bring as much attention on them just to keep their kid safe. Their kid would easily come first before the family empire no question. But meanwhile you could 100% guarantee they’d be teaching their kid how to fight and use weapons and protect themselves as they grown up. Like as soon as their kid was old enough theyd be a little bit more dangerous (would be hard to avoid with those two as parents)

I think Pete is helping a lot in reshaping Vegas’ understanding of himself so by the time they did get around to talking about/deciding if they wanted kids Vegas would feel much more settled in himself and have a stronger foundation for his self esteem than he does currently. And they’ll both be better equipped by then to reassure one another’s doubts/uncertainties so while I do see them occasionally butting heads/ struggling, they’re the types who find their footing very quickly. And when they’re together the other person wouldn’t let them lose their footing for very long if that makes sense. How they started as a couple has forced them to figure out how to communicate properly and establish good boundaries and mutual respect so those would be some of the biggest factors working in their favour for when/ if they did have a kid.

Omg thank you so much for saying so that’s really sweet! Im so happy to hear that you liked them. Lmao yes that was my biggest fandom for years I’ve written so much sterek (and still have many open wips for them haha) thank you 💛

[nellygwyn]

girl ignore this ask if it's invasive or anything but i was enjoying gleaning details about your reconnection with The Boy and would love more tidbits if you care to share. it's very nice thing to be romancing and romanced and i do love to hear of it.

It's not invasive!

There's a line from Sally Rooney's 'Normal People' that I keep turning over and over in my head with regards to George (for that is his name! As many know!): 'I'm not a religious person, Marianne, but I do sometimes think God made you for me.' Insert Jane Eyre quote about invisible strings here too, with a tiny dash of Persuasion by Austen. I have known this boy for 11 years. I feel it isn't silly to say I have had a connection, in varying degrees, with this boy for the same amount of time. To be given a second chance at a relationship feels like, genuinely, a miracle. What's even crazier is that, even though we were together the first time around 7 years ago, the connection was still there, for me at least, like...yes, I am re-acquainting myself with him and he with me, but I just feel like I'm revisiting a favourite book I've not read for a little while.

He's so sweet to me, makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world even though I am not (and he must know I'm not tbh sjdisadj). He takes my little hands in his occasionally and kisses them gently, and he puts up with all my little foibles, like the fact I have to be holding his hand at all times and swing it back and forth occasionally. We are relatively long-distance (I say relatively because he's only about 2 hours away from me on the train which, to someone who travels by train all the time, is really inconsequential) so I don't get to see him as often as I would like but we do see each other as often as we can, and I enjoy every little second with him! We are so similar (not EXACTLY the same, but that doesn't matter, I wouldn't want to be the mirror image of my partner) and it makes him v easy to adore. I think he's beautiful, inside and out. He's so smart, he's handsome, he's kind, he's polite, well-dressed, I could listen to him talk about his interests (even when they don't always directly correspond with mine) for hours, he's ambitious, he has promise and potential, and I can see him wowing the country one day, like as a politician (a good, decent one) or something. He wows me very regularly so!!!

I don't wanna like, martyr myself, but I've had a genuinely difficult two years. Don't really wanna go over it all again, but it just feels like I've been surrounded by abuse and disease and death for way too long. Obviously I was pretty ill myself, I did talk about it a bit on here when it was really getting me down. Had a particular chronic reproductive health issue which has only recently been resolved, and it changed my body, it meant that I actually physically could not be intimate, I went from being a sensual person to being a bit touch-repulsed actually (but not bc I found it repulsive, but I genuinely thought I might contaminate or repulse someone else), I didn't even feel like a woman, I felt like a diseased and defective creature...I wanna say it's been difficult to pull myself out of that place but.....it kind of hasn't, because George makes it v easy? I mean, I'm still getting used to the way my body has changed and I genuinely hate myself 99% of the time...HOWEVER....George is gentle, he's attentive, he's genuinely attracted to me (delusional LOL) but he also cares about me as I am, as me, as Olivia. That makes every gesture with him, affectionate, intimate, romantic, sexy, cute, WHATEVER, come so naturally to me. I don't feel ashamed of myself. And.....as much as it pains me to say because I don't think I'm a good person most of the time....I think I deserve to not feel ashamed.

[strugglingatart]

Jr year ep 2

This is me live blogging bc I need to get thoughts out also would love fandom friends full spoilers bellow the cut just so no one accidentally reads anything they don't want to this will be long

No shenanigans at the begining way lowkey sad I love our intrepid heroes being dumb

Siobhan and Zac kick it off with SUCH good turns straight away we love (also emily's cutting words? delicious)

Them all discussing more stuff mid battle is so nice I love but also not Ally forgetting they could try to heal lol

"playing with you all at level 10 has never convinced me more that this game is unplayable at level 20. fucking unplayable" Brennan the man who I 100% have seen play att level 20. But we HAVE to stan the complaing I love them so much Murph especially I always laugh so much

Siobhan please we cannot be confident before rolls they go bad then

we were doing so well like seconds ago and now everything feels terrible

ARMOR OF AYDA omg my loves

Kristen and Riz are me when my friends are being to sexual but also Kristen please remember you and tracker?

NOT FABIAN FALLING AGAIN, and his idea was real good as well, but Ally yeeting the dice also a big mood

Lou's sass was so good I love im so much

only one person saving out of everyone is brutal why do dice currenntly hate them

Murph loosing it at Ally's saving throws being empty is so funny, and poor them gatting so defensive (also have they been doing it wrong this whole time then? has it never been written down? was is just a mistake on their season prep?)

Zac and Lou killed that look at me bit I'm sorry they are geniuses

I truly thought Brennan was gonna make this fight SO much easier and in many ways I get why he didn't but I'm not over it

Listen Murph is looking SO GOOD this season it legit distracted me for a few seconds I had to go back to understand what Brenan said about the van flipping I am a disaster queer through and through

this is so intense all of a sudden omgggg

Poor hangvan ily and know Gorgug will fix you tho

Oh no Kristen, but also the die deadass turned on them, sad vibes (also I miss good rolling Murph I know we had him for one ep but I loved him)

once again yeeting the dice is a mood and then the whole if i hit anyone bit, art tbh

AHHHHH that nat 1 followed by a nat 20 was magical, also Em is wearing the naddpod live shirt 😍 I was 110% with her tho I wanted Gorgug to get it so bad so that deception roll was EVERYTHING TO ME, Ayda claming Gorgug as the greatest wizard is legit one of my favorite things whenever they bring it up and support that theory my heart is so happy

Brenan just being like yes these npcs i made up for the media res are just for that they will die even if they don't

Zac has what healing thing? again not knowing enough about DnD makes me bad at knowing who can do what

shoutout to the two crew

listen this theme of exaustion specifically with school will end me like i cannot it hits too close

Moggy the doggy! we stan Adaine the little guys guy(gal?)

Did Cassandra text you? Nonstop

this flourish lacks flourish (me giving the finishing touches to art projects for university)

LISTEN Fig asking about first day of school outfit was literally Emily choosing violence omg I felt that deeply

I still have jump and i haven't used it so I'm just gonna... I love Zac

They all LOOSE IT at two more guys and I know it was mostly the players but honestly having an absolute laughing fit out of exaustion is another big mood and I felt both seen and called out (I have STROIES about this) and like it just fit the theme so well

there's two nat 1's, Lou's full discociated, Murph's loosing it, it's pure chaos for a bit but whoever did the closed captions? A+++ job

Kristen taking ths ice cream sandwich out and going to the hangman is gold (also I remember the pouch of ice cream sandwiches existing like I fully remeber Kristen usinf it before but i don't remeber when/where she gets it despite having just rewatched both freshman and sophomore years and it's bothering me)

I want the so tactical so late t-shirt

Fabian passed so I legit thought that was gonna work but you know what? it's funnier that it didn't

"I was a turncoat the whole time" is so funny for no reason, also Fabian babe, ily but like why do you wanna kiss a mirror it will not be enjoyable (also at this point Lou is either feeding into all the comp-het queer theories or is like the queer whisperer)

The father the son and the balthazar made me cackle

I have said this before in a post somewhere but while I get where Kristen is coming from so much like truly I'm right there with her but also I kinda hate how she's avoiding Cassandra but also I get it baby but also pls do better (or at least change tactics in odrer to to it lowkey unhealthily)

Fabian I promise you you can do better LMAO Riz, you are correct

Again to me Fig's hypothetical is like fighting words I'd be pissed and depressed

But also high school me would have loved a dance camp tbh (also to be able to dance in general rip my dancing dreams, taken away by a chronic issue and over protective parents)

"I think I do a really half hearted prayer of healling just because I don't.. trust you" I love Ally so much

ah yes the silliness is back but they are so tired

wanna stay at our place? we have so many beds

The entire ecaf bit was so good i cannot deal

Hallariel is saying Fabian's name more like the elves or am I tripping?

Gillear is slightly less pathetic! he won a cruise! oh and they are engaged, full step sibblings Fig and Fabian

also poor Fabian like he needs his parental figures here... Cathilda better stay or I'm personally gonna have words with Brennan, stop making them suffer they fuck up things alone

ALSOOO there is no way Gillear would not want to talk to Fig omg I'm fighting brennan again

Gillear luck... did Fig uncurse him by taking that deal and is she about to get his bad luck?

SKLONDA we stan

Brennan I swear to god this tiny goblin has saved the world three times what do you mean he cannot go to college I will fight you, this scene hit me so hard omg we were promised silliness not heart wrenching reality in my fantasy

I think Zac legitimately forgot the mirror didn't run away for like a second which makes it funnier but Fig IS just that good. 32 decepetion fool the character and the player

BRENAN what do you mean Zelda gave back his stuff this is DURING the seven where they are still TOGETHER I swear I will riot

Frosty fair mentioned twice it's connected to or the big thing this season

The Thistlespring are SO PRECIOUS

Jawbone and Sandra Lynn made a cake I can't deal, and it's belated birthdays omg the way I would cry

THE RAGH AND LYDIA ART IS SO GOOD

the justaposition of Emily's cackle and Ally's face to the dangers Fig and Kristen are dangerously and/or wildly close to being expell is so good

Lou choking on water at "we're allowed to fail a certain number of classes each semester" also real good treiler editing bc I thought that was 10000% connected to the you let your god die line that comes right before it on there

Fig's been multiclass since start of sophmore year, does she do warlock classes sometimes I wonder

I like that Jawbone is not judging here he's just like facts: you are failing and this is why, now we can see what we do about it

ouch that whole im swimming my head is liquid kristen thing felt dangerously close to me... I usually relate to gorgug and riz like i adore kristen but she's never me what is happening (this is not bad just me having like my 10th identity mini crisis this year)

THE AYDA ART she looks so bummed but so pretty.. but also Brenan I feel like I said I'll fight you a couple of times here but if we get no ayda I will fly to LA and fight you

I reached text limit will do a part two

[monstersinthecosmos]

HI <3 Sheith VC anon here back with a very humble request. So I've read TVL and am currently reading QoTD, just finished the Devil's Minion chapter (oH mY gOD my HEART). I'm going through the books a bit slowly bc life stuff, but I have sooooo many thoughts and feelings and feel like I need to read lots of fic to work through it LOL. I would love it if you could rec me some (or tons of!) fics that wouldn't give me (m)any spoilers re: stuff that happens after this point in the series. I realize this might be a kind of hard/maybe impossible request because a lot of those spoilers would be referring to things that chronologically would have taken place prior to DM for instance, but I'm so starved I thought I might ask just in case! I'm not suuuper partial to any specific ships (Lestat/Louis is a bit boring IMO 😭 but I love them so I'll take it) and I don't have any NOTPs, so I'm down to read pretty much anything (esp if it's spicy and/or hurts my heart and/or features Armand lmao). Totally fine if this is too much trouble or if it turns out to be an impossible ask indeed; thank you in advance anyway! AND THANK YOU AGAIN for introducing me to these brain-rotting books lol I spend like half my waking hours thinking about Armand now.

SHGKJALDS I SPEND HALF MY WAKING HOURS THINKING ABOUT ARMAND TOO SINCE LIKE THE YEAR 2000 LMFAO im so glad you see!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GET IT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So babe tbh the reason I started writing Armand/Daniel fic at all is because there really ... isn't that much? And I was like GUESS I GOTTA FUCKIN COOK FOR MYSELF. So tbh I haven't actually read a ton of VC fic at all. The otp:true filter for them on AO3 (excluding TVverse fics) only has 237 fics hdkjgalds but you can start here LOL. I think for the most part you'll be able to tell in the tags if it's post-QOTD because people usually will tag like "post canon" or "Prince Lestat Era"; for QOTD fics check for a Devil's Minion/Devil's Minion Era tag. I don't always remember to tag my own fics but my only post-canon D/A fic is called "In the Trials of the Heart" and all my others are Devil's Minion era and shouldn't spoil anything ! Be aware that the TV fandom and book fandom sometimes overlap so there might be stray TV fics in the book tag; it won't spoil anything bc the TV canon is a completely different story, but it might not make sense if you jump in to read it. So without actual fic recs I'll share some authors that I really trust!! Have a look through their VC fics!!!!!!!

apoptoses (pervert extraordinaire 10/10, all the D/A fics are Devil's Minion era except for Blood Sanation so go nuts!) covenofthearticulate (this is Ash, she actually writes Loustat & Louis/Armand mostly but she's so smart and I trust her so much!!!!) Diabolus_Invictus HekateInHell (writes a lot of Lestat/Armand and also has a human AU called Our House that I'm obsessed with!) ImhereImQuire Nothing_But_Paisley rainandcoffee (if you're sick of all of our doom&gloom you can find fluff and lightness here!) whisperbird (just one VC fic but I think about it every day of my life I love it)

Whenever I remember I try to post VC fics that I do read, kinda like how Sheith fandom does Wednesday Fics, I try to tag #VCFicFriday so try there too!

Anyway if anyone wants to add to this post and share recs PLEASE DO I actually am not a great fic reader bc my attention span sucks and I'm picky about canon compliant porn LOL! But help our new friend out if you want to share any!!!!!!!!!!!!

[apoptoses]

i gotta know, what order do you rank the VCs

oh man I cannot number order them, to do that would be like picking a favorite cat and they change depending on my mood so like I gotta go with the tier system.

ALSO I never promised anyone here that I had taste, these are my own personal feelings etc etc Mostly I have ranked them based on how much I skim when (or if) I re-read lol

The Vampire Armand- Anne put her whole entire vampirussy into this one like this is the book that has everything!!! There's angst, there's smut, there's cults and kidnapping, there's the beauty and high drama of the Venetian renaissance, what more could you want!! And honestly I think her Armand voice is one of her strongest, right up there with Lestat. You could take an Armand quote out of context and know he's the one speaking. Even my least favorite parts of TVA are still more enjoyable than the best parts of the VC books I don't love.

The Devil's Minion Chapter of QotD specifically - absolute insanity, just banger after banger, not a single word wasted. I could have read an entire novel of this, and again, a unique voice and style! I think this part of the book slaps so hard because it's the first truly modern part of the VC, told from a modern perspective and like. It's so good because every VC reader has probably thought 'wow how exciting would it be to be a vampire's companion/lover' and then Anne actually went and wrote what that would be like. Incredible!

The Vampire Lestat - Getting the back story of the characters introduced in interview is incredible and I feel like Anne finally cut loose and let herself start to be a weirdo with all the world building and entangled relationships. Also just worth the re-read for Armand drop kicking Lestat out of Notre Dame and Marius's insane house of taxidermy and baboons.

Interview with the Vampire- a classic, no other details needed.

Tale of the Body Thief- a polarizing choice I know, but it's such a wild diversion from the typical VC books. Lestat described himself as the James Bond of Vampires and this is the one book that's truly like a tightly written action movie. And Lestat is just so monstrous in it, and in a really complex way- like he's partly reacting to the trauma he went through with Akasha, he's at a low point with self esteem, but then also some of this behavior begs the question of whether being a vampire made him the way he is or whether it's just inherent in him. An underrated VC book tbh.

Blood and Gold- I just love that Anne took on the challenge of writing the life story of a vampire that is thousands of years old. Reading it gives me the same feeling of growing up and realizing that the people you considered 'adults' are just as lost and mentally immature and messed up as you, and never really had any idea what they were doing when child-you thought they had it all together. Also I just love anything that gives me more of the events of Armand's life from another pov.

Queen of the Damned- a great story but I get bogged down by the number of characters and plot lines introduced every time I re-read it, and I end up skimming some of the POVs (or skipping them entirely like baby jenks) I know Anne finally put her foot down and told her editors to fuck off with this one but I wish she'd listened to them just a tiiiiny bit and cut some stuff/expanded other more interesting stuff.

Pandora - Such tight writing!! I wish Pandora hadn't been sidelined in the other books because Anne built such a strong character with her, she deserved better tbh!!

Prince Lestat - it's okay, I just like the sections with my favorite characters and seeing some secondary characters return like Bianca and Allessandra and Antoine. Getting some resolution on what happened with them and where they are closer to the modern day was nice. Also the stuff with Fareed giving Lestat hormones so he could fuck and then get Maury Povich'd eighteen years later was hilarious nonsense, 10/10 Anne insanity. This book just feels like fun trashy vampire stuff (affectionate) in the same way watching True Blood feels like fun trashy vampire stuff, so even if it's not Anne's best work it's still alright imo.

Memnoch the Devil - I simply do not care about God or the Devil or Dora or Rembrandt enough to care about this book, and it only gets ranked below Prince Lestat because I think it drags where PL has a faster pace that allows my brain to skim over the least tasty parts. Really it only makes it to D because of Armand in his dusty jean jacket and Lestat using Dora's uterus as his personal capri sun. Overall though just a slog to get through.

Blood Communion - I just personally do not care for the whole vampire court concept and wish Anne had dropped it after the replimoids. Like I tolerate it in Prince Lestat but ending the series on 'united vampire community' feels off to me when the whole concept of vampires is that they're outsiders struggling with immortality. Also, another kidnapping plot? Anne pls you're better than this.

Merrick - I have erased everything but the Louis bits of this book from my mind. We simply did not need Claudia's vengeful spirit or Louis getting force upgraded and the humanity of him erased by Lestat's ultra-powerful blood but we got it anyways I guess. Very atmospheric though, I do like the return to New Orleans as a setting.

Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis - Cruel of Anne to put Atlantis in the title and give us aliens instead of mermaids. The most cracked out VC book in existence, would only re-read if paid to. I have no words for how much I do not care for this book, especially after reading Anne's notes at Tulane and knowing what could have existed instead.

The Vampire Vittorio - such a flop of a vampire he never even gets mentioned in the other VC books. I do not know this man. This book does not exist to me.

[sarah-sandwich]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

45

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

1,280,212 lol

3. what fandoms do you write for?

presently? Just spider-man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. top five fics by kudos:

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) - spideypool 72k - soulmates au that's actually about the power of friendship

Don't Freak Out - parkner 136k - the one where they get kidnapped and spidey saves the day in the first chapter then they spend the rest of the fic falling in love

A Peach Like You - parkner 73k - sequel to a 16k coming of age one-shot in Harley's POV. This one is Peter's POV and he's autistic, overworked, and overwhelmed and this is the very worst time ever for falling in love so he's absolutely not going to do that... on purpose.

The Distance Between (You and Me) - parkner 29k - bodyguard au! Harley was kidnapped and rescued but his kidnappers are still out there so Tony begs an old friend to keep an eye on him until Natasha hunts them down.

You're Freaking Out - parkner 166k - sequel to Don't Freak Out this time with Plot! and Miles!!!

5. do you respond to comments?

Sometimes? I've gotten really bad about it :( After an update/new fic I try to get all the comments that come in over a week or so... but then I retreat into my cave and giggle and squee over them in private.

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm I don't really do angst and especially not endings... but maybe The Devil is a Hopeless Romantic? I wouldn't call it an angsty ending though. Maybe bittersweet? Idk it's been awhile since I've read it. Not my favorite tbh

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happy endings are my bread and butter lol The happiest? Uhhh

Lemme just plug For the First Time, Eye to Eye because it's one of my all time favs and hasn't come up yet.

8. do you get hate on fics?

nope!

9. do you write smut?

yep! Baseball Smut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ yeah that's the title just posted this morning!

10. craziest crossover:

I haven't written a crossover since I was writing for spn and none of them ever made it out of my wips folder lol I had spn crossovers with Firefly, Teen Wolf, The 100, Criminal Minds, and (naturally) The Hunger Games. Man, I miss that. Such a versatile show.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

YES! biggest compliment so cool

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! Done some brainstorming a time or two but just for fun. idk that I could collaborate that well what with my disappearing into the abyss habit...

14. all time favorite ship?

I mean parkner's got the longevity doesn't it? Dean and Cas will always have a special place with me though

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My time travel time loop parkner fic le siighh

16. what are your writing strengths?

Hmm I think overall voice (not just dialogue but internal narrative too) and breathing fresh air into old tropes.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes. My god they take forever to think of a way to do them that isn't tired and boring. And then I still have to write it.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

adds enrichment in my enclosure

19. first fandom you wrote in?

hp

20. favorite fic you've written?

oof umm probably Peaches Ain't Pretty (the alluded to 16k Harley POV coming of age one-shot). Taught me I could write outside of fanfic if I wanted. It's actually the foundational inspiration that lead to Red, like my bleeding heart in your hand. Opened up the whole beach (if I'm brave enough to leave the sandbox). Anyway it's got a special spot in my heart. I'm probably due for a re-read tbh.

Thanks for tagging me @spoofymcgee!

no pressure tagging: @jammerific @wyxan @myarmsaretoolong @fieldsofview

[pilotduty]

PILOT TALK TO ME ABOUT ZOMBIE SOULSUCKER PLS

HI LOVE OF MY LIFE i knew i could rely on u to be as Insane about this as me. putting it below the keep reading line because im about to unload the Directors Cut on you xo

SO a lot of people see soulsucker and starfucker to have a sort of angel/demon dynamic going on, and ive been eating that up because i looove the religious trauma angle this album is taking but then i was like What If st*r didn't align with typical religious imagery because... tbh that trope can get kind of bland.

him being brought back from the dead as a reference to clinging to the safety of the past and hesitance to accept/pursue change.. him being a character who is like the embodiment of everything awsten used to be and the parts of himself that havent changed even though the environment around him and the sound of his music have. st*r being dead makes him feel like he cant change no matter how badly he might want to. if he does something wrong, something that breaks the rules, he could literally physically fall apart. he doesnt know what's keeping him alive but he has to assume its some kind of godly power, because thats all he has as a frame of reference for life and death. but he's a creature that not even god can touch now. whether or not he realizes what that means for him, he knows that he can't go back to how he was, if he even knows what that would look like. he at the very least has the safety of already being dead- "if i'm already dead i can't be killed".

the important thing is that st*r is dead. or he should be. awsten can't figure out how to keep him dead, or re-kill him, or hide him away. no matter how badly he wants st*r gone, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

ok anyway heres design aspects that are Important To Me-

i gave him his scene-era haircut intentionally, i think it ads to his character representing his past self

upside down cross necklace because I Felt Like It

st*r's canon excessive layering is mostly to hide that he's dead and decaying

under his shirt his heart is exposed. im going to draw that next i think. theres a constant open wound over his heart- you can literally see directly into his heart :3

the places where his arms and fingers move a lot are the most prone to splitting- thats just a logistical design thing that i thought was cool it doesnt really Mean anything LOL

halo hair design. because of those rumors that he dyed his hair in a halo. unholy creature with holy traits etc etc

gave him that extremely hot and bad for me running/smudged eyeliner that has the little flecks of star glitter in them because It Looks Cool and theres Something there about having tiny stars under his eyes despite stars Not Being His Theme-Relevant Shape

the idea of him supergluing the edges of his gloves to his fingers to keep them from falling off while he performs popped into my head while i was drawing him and i thought you specifically would dig that concept. so.

soulsucker and st*r represent different ways awsten presents himself (i think- i kind of Dont Care about the lore that much ((i care So Much that was a lie)) and dont read other people's interpretations on it, but thats mine) so i think the idea of st*r trying desperately to hold himself together and fit the expectations/aesthetics of his job are kind of devastating from this angle, because he literally physically can't do it. whether its his own reluctance keeping him from doing it or some otherworldly/godly interference is up to interpretation methinks

more on its way i woke up like an hour ago and cant remember everything i wanted to say so sorry if none of this Matters or doesnt make any sense

[kittenintheden]

tagged by @aevallare and @cursedhaglette my beloveds <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

15

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 307,670

3) What fandoms do you write for?

Soul Eater formally and Baldur's Gate 3 currently

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Not Your Sweetheart - BG3, F!OC/Astarion

Closer to God - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

You Can Read Me Anything - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

Teenage Dirtbags - Soul Eater, Soul/Maka

Ethics Review - BG3, F!Tav/Astarion

5) Do you respond to comments?

I try to reply to all of them, yes! If I miss one it is an oversight and not a slight.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings who the fuck do you think I am I write this shit to feel good lmao (I do write angst, I just don't. Leave it there. Usually.) I guess Where were you, when I was new? if you squint.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Take On Me, I suppose? Most of my fics tend to end pretty en media res, so they're not really ENDED ykwim. This is a cop-out answer.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? I've certainly gotten a few folks who Missed The Point Entirely but it didn't really feel like hate tbh.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol yes. The vampire got me acting up. I have written sweet to nasty where he's involved.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only once and it was Soul Eater and Empire Records lmao. It was good I don't care.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge but I also haven't really looked.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Into Italian once.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done bangs where I worked alongside artists as their writer, so in that sense, yes.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

IDK it's probably honestly SoMa in my heart but I truly enjoy so many.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Budding Trees. I had such plans for that fic. Then life happened. Alas.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I kick dialogue's ass and I'm pretty good at hitting plot beats.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Repetitiveness, getting bogged down in detail.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I will do it for fake languages (see: elvish) and I'll occasionally portray bilingual characters who incorporate their native language, but full-on dialogue? Not really. There is so much nuance in a native language that I don't feel I could do justice unless I'm fluent.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Dawson's Creek. Shut your mouth.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Not Your Sweetheart has achieved a special status in my heart, I will admit. But honestly if I didn't love it I probably wouldn't post it, so I have feelings about most of my work.

I will tag @brain-rot-central, @cinnamontails-ff, @olivedrop, and uh whoever else wants to grab it honestly.

[dustdotorg]

here:🌈🥕✍️👾🦷🪩

(from this ask meme)

🌈 What research do you plan on doing for your writing?

i usually do too much research to the point where it doesn't even matter to the plot and it's for literally just like one line of dialogue or something similarly inane that could be replaced with something else. (see: me looking up what dental healthcare looked like in colonial times for one semi-funny line thought by rio. like she doesn't even say it out loud to agatha or anything. it's just there, in her head. am i stupid.)

that said, i don't actually PLAN to do this amount of research, it just happens to me. i'm a victim here, please show the appropriate amount of pity for this terminal condition known as "caring way too much about tiny little details no one else even thinks about". thank you.

🥕 What's one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement?

word repetition is something that i really need to try and get rid of. it's gotten better i think but it still keeps happening and of course i only really notice it once it's been up for a while on ao3 and i re-read it while checking something else... terrible.

✍️ Which stat matters most to you (if at all!): subscriptions, kudos/favorites, comments, bookmarks, word count, or hits?

honestly, i don't really care about stats all that much anymore. i used to care a bit more about that when i started ten years ago but now? nah.

i mean, i'm happy about kudos, comments, bookmarks etc etc don't get me wrong, but i write mostly for myself and my friends at this point and i'm completely fine with that. i don't need to do "well" in the stats game to feel good about my writing because at the end of the day that's just not why* i'm writing to begin with.

*i write with anger and spite in my heart to fix what canon messed up. usually. hacks being a notable exception from that tbh. i just liked writing these two freaks interacting with each other :D

👾 Do you have any "bad" writing habits you want to break?

ideally, i could be constantly writing a steady NORMAL amount of words each day and then edit it in a timely fashion. instead, i sometimes sit down and write like 5k in one go in a few hours and other times i can't even string three words together.

then again, never break a working system and this "bad" writing habit has served me well so far so. eh?

🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

HELLO LIKE YOU DONT KNOW THAT ALREADY

rio pov fic: the last section of part 4/first section of part 5 where the long awaited doom finally happens. i both want to write it and dread it. i don't want to mess it up...

and i cannot share a snippet from it because what little i have written i am not happy with yet and also it gives the entire game away that i've been setting up so far :D

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate?

writing down an outline and keeping detailed notes for more my ideas and set ups have served me very well this year so i will be definitely stick to that.

one thing that needs improvement is maybe my note keeping system - handwritten notes in a better order maybe :D

THANK YOU <3

[leslutdepointedulac]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by: @mothmage, @hekateinhell & @desertfangs Thank you my loves 💞

1. How many works do you have on A03? 19 atm but that's about to become a lot more from next month lmao.

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 46,413

3. What fandoms do you write for? The Vampire Chronicles and as of right now, nothing else.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Nothing's Fair in Love and War Drunken Matrimony Lupercalia Experimentations and The Long Road

5. Do you respond to comments? I do, always!! I love responding to comments, it's one of my favourite things about writing fics tbh.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The way I've had to think about this for too long because several of my fics could fit here. I think I'd say The Long Road because although there is hope (and the knowledge from canon) that things will get better for Louis, but he's still in the depths of his darkness and there's such a long way to go re: his recovery. That or Let Sleeping Lions Lie. (I would've said my siren au, but I think that's more my darkest ending to a fic, as opposed to the angstiest.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'd say it's either Second Chances or Drunken Matrimony. I think they're also very sweet endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, no that I know of anyway. If anyone is hating on my fics, I don't know about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do but it's canon compliant, so no actual sex. There's two reasons for that: 1.) because I'm not quite there yet with wanting to write full on smut and 2.) because I genuinely just really enjoy writing canon complaint smut. As much as I really love reading smut, I feel like there should be more fics that embrace and explore the vampire's canon asexuality. It's a part of canon that I really enjoy and think is very important, so I like to bring some of that into my fics too!

Also, when it comes to Louis' character in particular, imo anyway, it's a good insight into him during IWTV. Because even though it's not actual sex, I find it interesting to explore how he might be reluctant to even just share blood in an intimate manner, because of his repression re: his queerness in that time.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't written any crossovers yet and I don't know that I ever will tbh. It's just not something I see myself writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, I hope not anyway. I'm not aware of it if that has happened.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I haven't, but if anyone ever wanted to, that would be cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I'd totally be down to if someone wanted to co-write with me one day!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Loustat all day everyday!! (Though Loumand follows extremely close behind.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Ngl, I always intend on finishing any WIPs I have. Even if it takes me a while, I will always try to complete one if I've already started it.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think just the fact that I'm able to wing it. I don't plan anything when I'm writing. I always have a basic idea as to what I want the fic to be about, but when it comes to actually writing it, I don't plan/draft anything. I just go for it and make it up as I go.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I'm trying to improve on making my fics longer. I think I'm slowly getting better, but there's still progress to be made lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I quite like it. I have written some small bits in French but that's using Google translate. (ik, ik. Not overly accurate) I think if the character speaks another language that they would use relatively frequently, then I think it can be quite good to add it in.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I'd like to say TVC, which is technically right, but years ago when I was still in school, I had to do some creative writing for English, and I did write what was basically Crimson Peak fanfic. So depending on how you look at it, it's either Crimson Peak or TVC.

And actually, now I think about it, ever since primary school, I've always based my creative writing for school off things I was into. So on that basis, who knows what my first ever fic was about lmfao. For the sake of this, we'll say it's TVC.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Tbh, I don't know if I have a favourite. All my fics are my babies, and if I try to say just one of them, then I'll just be like "Oh wait actually, what about this one? Oh but I really love this one too!" And it would keep going until I've mentioned all of them, so I can't choose.

It's Hē Seirḗn

Tagging: @cinnamonclove @effyrosemary @deaddovehasbeeneaten @aunteat @butchybats @bubblegum-blackwood no pressure of course 💞

[michameinmicha]

Hi Micha,

Re: your post about the two people gifting each other fics for the same pairing continuously - I suppose it's possible the time frame and number of fics might fit another set of fandom friends, but I have a suspicion I'm one half of that. A regular reader nudged this post my way, actually. If so, I'd just like to thank you very much for not naming the fandom, pairing or usernames! It's the kind of ship that leads to us getting harassment on a semi-regular basis anyway (hence the locked posting of fics), and we don't need more of that.

As for the true love thing - we started gifting each other in exchanges because we both realised we've been madly in love with the same character in that fandom since we were children. So FWIW, you're right about the true love, but in the wrong way. :D

Hello! (I saw you sent this last night? (Well where i live it was night) and i wanted to take some time to write a proper answer (although now it got super long sorry))

(Edit: You know what, im putting this under a read more, its not gonna be interesting to most people who aren't the anon anyway lmao)

Im happy to hear from you (and if you wanna chat off-anon feel free to dm me) and just judging from your message i also think you might be right! (Ive seen a handful of pairings mentioned in the notes who might fit but arent the one i talked about, ...i cant explain it but i have a feeling it might be you)

At first when i made the post i didnt expect it to get this big but when it did and some people started to ask or make guesses about the pairing i was curious if anyone would guess right (and really didnt believe it could happen tbh) but then it kept getting bigger and people took it as a challenge and i finally i decided i didnt want to say it anyway. Im glad your little corner of the internet stays calm and nice <3

I hope you dont mind the post, it really touched me to see your works and i just wanted to share that experience and make others feel a bit of this emotion too.

i was too shy to comment on the fics i read (sorry im working on getting better at it) but im hoping you'll read this answer so i want to use this opportunity to say some of my thoughts (I would have liked to send you some friendly anons to say this back then😅 but you didnt have tumblrs linked in your ao3 profiles) i enjoyed reading your stories a lot! I had some really stressful weeks when i came across the pairing tag and even though im not really in the fandom myself (besides enjoying what i knew of the source material years ago) i was happy to find it! it was such a nice little treasure, this collection of stories to read when i was feeling down and they cheered me up a lot! So yeah im sorry to hear you get harrassment for it but i for one am glad you post the fics despite that, because then i could find and appreciate them! (this all sounds very sappy but i mean it!)

Im happy that you two found each other! I gotta say 'true love' to me is just as much platonic as romantic (like, the relationship i have with my best friend isnt anything less than true love to me) but i also think its wonderful that you share that love for your character!

I hope you two are doing great, please tell your friend that i appreciate their work (and yours of course!) And i wish you that you can keep doing this for as long as it makes you happy!

[gamblegun]

just wanted to pop in and say that i appreciate your blog, it has given me so much comfort, but i will totally understand and respect you if you delete it. im sorry for all of the hate you've gotten and had to see.

i've been really struggling with how trans men are treated currently and our historical erasure/non-inclusion lately. if i can be completely candid i feel like i no longer belong under the label "trans" and it honestly causes me discomfort. but i'm not cis either. i won't ever go off of T or be a woman or anything like that. i love my body but i don't love being in this community. i honestly can't even connect with the flag anymore. i tried but this recent outpouring of hate has made me realize how forced i felt.

i don't belong and at this point i dont want to mold myself into someone who does. i don't want to be the kind of person that antitransmasc trans people begrudgingly tolerate. i desperately wish i had some kind of third word or third space outside of all of this where i could just exist as a man. i don't care what i am "technically". i just want to be a man and to be left alone about it, not "cis or trans" but Just Some Guy.

reading your thoughts has made me feel less alone as I struggle with this mentality. i haven't found an answer and i doubt anyone will propose or make anything like what i want. but i just wanted to sincerely say. thank you. i would unironically send you $10 if I could (all the spare change I have right now.)

i may privately save some of your posts to re-read when i feel isolated and unheard. if that's not alright please feel free to enforce that boundary and i will respect it.

Hey, first of all I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm glad that my blog has brought some comfort to you, and I hope that wherever you end up and however you decide to conceptualize your identity, you find it fulfilling and peaceful. It's tough rn, I have trouble walking away from this discussion, especially since it tends to jump scare me when I'm engaging with fandom stuff, but a couple months break made me feel better, so I'd suggest setting it down and doing something you enjoy instead if you can. However, I know it isn't really all that simple since a lot of this pertains to irl problems, even just general transmasc isolation, so no judging if you struggle with disengaging. I haven't officially decided to delete this blog, it was mostly a vent post tbh, but feel free to save posts. I have long accepted that whatever I'm sending out into the internet will exist somewhere forevermore lol.

I currently haven't set up anything that I feel like is anonymous enough for my Inflammatory Opinions Blog, and even though I am very open to receiving money lol, I wouldn't want to take your last ten bucks. I'd rather you get a treat for yourself. Personally, I got myself a slice of tres leches cake after work today, it was delicious.