#tank maid cat man yes

[coltrainbat]

HI, could you write about frank adler being a single (again) uncle and meets a new female bartender, reader in his usual bar. Both of them hit it off and started dating for about two months. frank introduced her to his niece, mary

Put it on my Tab

Making his way into his usual, Fergs, on a quiet Thursday night, Frank didn’t expect anything different. Place still looked the same; dimly lit with neon bar signs covering the walls and the smell of old beer. It felt like a second home, predictable, familiar and warm (due to the fact that they haven’t gotten that goddamn AC fixed). He settled onto the counter, head lowered waiting for his usual to appear magically in front of him like always.

“What can I getcha?” The voice wasnt from the usual gritty bar manager. For one it was feminine, young and perky. 

Frank couldn’t help his eyebrows raising at the sight of you. Sure they’ve hired pretty girls before but they usually didn’t last the week trying to keep up with demand while also hindering the advances of regulars. So how a beautiful <your hair colour> in a white tank top and denim short shorts was still here was a mystery to Frank. 

“Umm yeah hi can I just get umm.. just a..” he stumbled on his words trying to avoid your questioning gaze. 

“A beer?”

“Yeah that.” Frank gave a flat smile.

You undid the cap on the edge of the bar, Frank holding out his hand expectantly but you held the bottle away from him, holding it just above your shoulder. Raising an eyebrow expectantly.

“Please?” Frank said hesitantly.

“And…” You slowly inched it towards the bar top. 

“Thank you.” It was becoming increasingly clear to him how you have survived here. You don’t put up with shit.

You placed the beer in front of him “Manners..” you trailed 

“Maketh a man. William Horman.”

“Yes.” You smiled down at him from the bar.

“What are you doing here?” He said outwardly.

“Working.”

“Oh I see that. I meant what is someone like YOU doing HERE?" 

“What is someone like me… exactly?” You placed your palms on the bar, leaning into him closer. 

He took a long swig of his drink. Sighing in contentment at the taste.

“Too smart to be a bar maid, too classy for Coors beer and way too pretty for a place like this.” 

You looked around at the empty bar with a few drunk stragglers. Taking the beer from his hands you took a long swing. “I am never too good for Coors beer.” 

Frank let out a low whistle “That’s good to know.” 

“I’m Frank by the way.” He held out his hand for you to shake.

“Y/N.” You shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you.” He smirked

“Likewise.” You bit your bottom lip. 

“So when do you get off?” He smirked devilishy.

“So she’s not like other kids.” Frank looked over at you, peering over his sunglasses.

“What do you considered “other kids”…” 

“She spends a lot of time with adults so she talks a bit differently.”

You shrug “I’m sure she’s fine, she’s got a good uncle.” He grabbed your hand, placing it under his as he moved the gear shift. 

“She just takes a while to warm up to people so I just don’t want you to be discouraged.” 

“Frank, she doesn’t bite.” You waved him off. 

“No she grew out of that 2 years ago.” He joked with you.

He pulled into the driveway of their humble abode. Paint falling off the rackety old porch framed by the half dead grass from a hot blazing summer. You loved it. It was Frank, imperfect yet homey.

You got out of his truck and waited for him to lead towards the screen door with an obvious hole that had been scratched out by a cat desperate to decide when and where they go.

Hearing the sound of car doors being shut, Roberta made her way out. Taking one look at you, she stopped in her tracks, placing a

hand on her hip. 

“Well my goodness you are prettier than he described.”

“Why thank you Miss Taylor.” You let her embrace you in warm tight hug.

Her chin resting on your shoulder, she raised her eyes in excitement at Frank behind you. 

“Alright break it up you two.” He pulled you back into his side. 

“Thanks for watching her.” He gave the woman a warm smile. 

“Anytime, now I gotta go but it was lovely to meet you and hey don’t take what she says to heart… she takes a while to warm up.”

“I’ve been told! Hopefully this goes well and I’ll be seeing more of you.” She gave you and Frank both a quick kiss to the cheek. 

“You ready?” He whispered in your ear as you both stood in front of the door separating you from your make or break meeting.

You readjusted your bag strap on your shoulder, taking a deep breath “Ready.” With that he pushed open the screen. 

“Mary… I’m home. We’ve got company.” 

You both walked into the living room where the young girl sat, mindlessly stacking lego blocks on the floor, ignoring the calls of her uncle. 

“Hi Mary, I’m-“ You started to introduce yourself in your high pitched little kid voice. 

“Did he pick you up at Fergs?” She said dryly. 

“Close! I work at Fergs.” You gave a tense smile.

“That’s a stark change isn’t it Frank?”

“Mary!” He scolded.

You placed your hand on his shoulder mouthing it’s okay as you walked a little closer towards her. 

“Frank said you’re pretty smart.”

“I’ve gotten “baby Einstein” once or twice.” She replied, not looking up from the floor. 

“I was thinking more Hypatia.” She stopped her movements, looking up at you for the first time quizzically. 

“Whose that?”

“Oh you don’t know who Hypatia was?” You said in faux shock. 

She shook her head. 

“Huh… well for one she was a girl…” You stalked towards her, plopping down on the mat beside her. 

Pulling your legs up to your chest, hugging your knees. Her lack of running away was a good start so you went on…

“She was a mathematician in ancient Egypt back in a time were only men were allowed to do math.”

“Women can do math too!” She piped up, brows furrowed. 

“Oh I agree! Well she figured out a way for ships to navigate and I think I have… oh here it is!” You reached into your bag, pulling out a thick book on the ancient academic that you had secretly brought for her. 

It was brand new with a glossy cover and you threw it around your trailer a couple of times beforehand to make it look worn and read. You had read it of course but maths wasn’t really your thing, the history of women on the other hand… you were always down. 

“Can I please see?” She looked up at you with doe eyes, biting her bottom lip, desperate to flick through the pages.

“Yeah you can have it. I already read it. I’m onto Beyond Good and Evil now.” 

“By Friedrich Nietzsche?” She smiled at the common interest found.

You nodded, eyes widened at her. 

She looked up at Frank; “I like this one.” 

He leaned against the doorway, watching you two in amazement. No one got Mary besides him and Roberta but now he’s starting to think that no one had tried like you. No one bothered to listen when he’d tell them that talk of Barbies and pink nail polish didnt get her interested. That she was pulling thick academia books from the shelf at age 4, desperate to absorb the knowledge they held. How she wanted to be talked to like an equal or better yet be given the materials to have what she so desperately craved. Have someone listen, guide her, talk to her as she was and not try and dumb things down. And here you were, making her eyes light up and hanging on your every word. 

“Good. I’ll leave you two to it then I guess.” He said simply tapping the frame before making his way into the kitchen to prepare his two girls a snack. Smiling like an idiot. Yeah you were a keeper. 

[lillylii]

Watcha gonna dooo

Ah shoot.

Man, I even hate my own art sometimes.

[shadowqueen402]

Hi Hi! Could you write a Fic about Cass, Emma and Yuri having a girls day?

Okay!

"Here we are at the Highland Isle Mall," Emma said to Cass and Yuri. "I saved up enough money for this. So what do you two want to get from here?"

"Is there a pet shop in there?" Cass asked. "I want to get some supplies for my kitty."

"Uh, maybe some new clothes," Yuri said. "Some of my outfits don't fit me anymore. My mom believes that it's time that I start finding some outfits."

"Okay. Me? I want to head to the jewelry store. One of my maid's birthday is coming up. I want to get her a present." Emma looked up at the mall. "We're usually close to the clothing store when we enter. So you can pick new clothes when we get there, Yuri."

Yuri nodded as she and Cass followed Emma into the mall. As usual, the mall was crowded with lots of people that carried bags as they chatted away with their friends while going to other stores.

"I never knew that malls could get so crowded," Yuri said while looking around.

"Well yeah," Cass said. "It has a lot of stores here. Of course lots of people are going to be here shopping away."

"There's the clothing store, Yuri," Emma said, pointing to a store that had outfits on display in the windows. "Let's head on inside."

The girls went inside the clothing store. Shelves of shirts, pants, skirts, and shorts were seen. Mannequins also had outfits displayed for the guests to see. Racks of coats, sweaters, shoes, and jackets were seen.

"Go ahead, Yuri," Emma said. "See which clothes you like."

Yuri nodded and walked up to one of the mannequins. It wore a dark blue denim jacket over an indigo shirt, a white skirt with small indigo diamond patterns, and grey boots. "Ooh, I like this outfit," Yuri said, smiling. "I have to get the look." She made her way to the shelf to complete the outfit.

Cass eyed up a bunch of dresses in the kids' section. She saw a sunshine yellow frilly dress that she knew would look great on her. "Take a look at this dress," She said, her eyes sparkling with joy. Then, she looked at the dress rack to find one in her size.

Emma looked around at the outfits. But she wasn't in the mood to buy something from here. Once Cass and Yuri got their outfits, they walked up to the registers. Emma handed the lady a $50 bill to pay for their clothes.

"Next up, the pet shop!" Cass exclaimed in excitment. After having their items bagged, Cass and Yuri left with Emma and made their way to the pet shop.

Inside the pet shop were collars for dogs and cats, pet beds, food dishes of various colors, dog toys, cat toys, wet and dry food for dogs and cats, leashes, fish tanks, cages for hamsters, and lots of stuff needed to care for furry friends.

Cass went over to the collar rack and looked at the ones designed for cats. Her eyes landed on a pretty pink collar with flower designs and a little bell on it. "This is perfect for Daisy," She said. "I'll take it. She'll also need food dishes and some toys for her to play with too."

Emma smiled as she watched Cass pick out two pink food dishes for her kitten. She also got a bag of cat treats and picked out some cat toys. "I never had a pet of my own," Emma said. "I haven't decided which pet I should adopt."

"Me neither," Yuri said. "I did see some cats that I would like, though… But my mom's reluctant to get me a pet tarantula."

Emma also paid for Cass's cat stuff. After they were bagged up, they left the pet store. "Now, I need to head to the jewelry store," Emma said. The girls made their way down to the jewelry store.

In the jewelry store were all kinds of jewelry, both for women and men. Emma eyed a beautiful silver necklace with small, pear-cut gems in every color. "I'll take this one, please," Emma said to the man at the register.

"Coming up," He said to her. Emma paid the man the amount that was due. The man wrapped the necklace up and handed it to Emma. "Have a good day."

With that, Emma, Yuri, and Cass left the mall. "Wow, that was a fun day!" Cass exclaimed.

"Yes, it was," Emma said as the three of them walked home.

[coffeeaddictwithproblems]

if i was your boyfriend

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feat: iwaizumi, matsukawa, kyōtani, oikawa; gn!reader

notes: established relationships, fluff, mild cursing, 1.1k words

links: fukurōdani

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hajime iwaizumi

“Babe”, “Baby”, “Little Monster”, “Brat”

Godzilla movie marathons

Teasing the hell out of Oikawa together, then proceeding to beat the literal crap out of Oikawa when he flirts with you

Matching pins, keychains, necklaces, bracelets, etc.

Kisses on your cheeks and the crown of your head

Secret make out seshs in the club room and classroom

I use the word “secret” very loosely because literally the entire teams knows what y’all are doing in there mostly because half of them have walked in on you two tangled in more ways than one

For the life of him, no matter how hard he tries, he can NOT say no to you

Like, he would wear a friggin’ maid’s outfit with cat ears if you asked him………Okay, but why is that lowkey a concept Like……you see it right???

Anyway!

At the same time, he will try to keep you from doing something stupid or that could end up with you hurt

Likes taking showers with you, morning or night. He’ll do everything from wash your hair to apply lotion for you afterwards

Man just loves to take care of you, okay? Just let him take care of you, OKAY!?

It’s not that he doesn’t like being affectionate in public, it’s more so that he can’t stop blushing when being affectionate in public *cough* Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki *cough*

No matter how early you wake up, he will be up before you. Don’t ask me how, I have no clue either

Boy is your personal chauffeur, drivin’ you anywhere at anytime for any reason It could be something stupid like McD’s or whatever at friggin’ 4 in the morning

He will haul his ass outta bed and grab his keys so he can pick you up and take you. Just know you owe him cuddles in return.....and maybe some french fries

If you like to work out or want to start, he’ll try and like subtly hint that you guys could work out together

If you say no, he won’t be too hurt.

But if you say yes, he is lowkey excited He’s a very playful yet serious gym buddy, I just know it. Gettin’ fit while bein’ flirty ;)

issei matsukawa

“Bumper Butt”, “Sugar Tits” (even for the mascs), “Sweet Cheeks”, “Prince/Princess/Majesty”

Late night drives, whether you’re going to a fast food restaurant for midnight munchies, or just driving around blasting music

Rests his head on your butt when you’re on your stomach, then stomach when you’re on your back

Slaps (and grabs) your ass, any place, any time, around anyone

Kisses on your collarbone and stomach

Send you memes at 3AM, half of which are cursed and the other half make literally no sense at all

Biggest library of inside jokes that you guys keep track of and somehow know the meaning of every single one???

Furthermore, the team is absolutely terrified when the two of you burst out cackling to yourselves

His humor is so dark and so dirty, you have questioned his mental stability a concerning amount of times

You have a folder dedicated to the shirtless/bathroom/gym/etc. pics he sends you

He has TWO folders dedicated to you: One for the cute candid pics, and one for the blurry shitty pics

If you ask him something, even if he hears you perfectly clear, he’ll say in a very obnoxious tone “Huh?” or “What?”

He hides his hands under your top and rubs his thumbs on your hips and stomach

He does that hot thing where he’ll tilt his head to the side and lean closer where his face is inches from yours so he can hear better

He also does that other hot thing where he stands in the doorway with his hands on the top of the door frame and his shirt rides up and you can see his happy trail and it’s just...a heavenly sight

Pulls you into his lap, arms secured firmly around your waist, and holds you there for however long he deems reasonable

So a couple of hours, typically

Walks around the apartment/house barefoot and wearing low hanging sweats and either a.) a tank or b.) shirtless

24/7 bedhead that doesn’t look like bedhead...?

Wanna do his makeup? Make him (more) beautiful. Nails? Any color, rainbow if you want. Skincare routine? He’ll grab the masks

Hands…………what, you think there’s more?

kentaro kyōtani

“Puppy”, “Brat”, “Dumbass”

Not every nickname is aggressive...just the majority of them :)

Buries his face in your shoulder and neck, then chomps your shoulder like a little shark. He’s careful not to hurt you when doing so

That being said, he also marks you with hickeys and bites as a way to respectfully say “Mine”

He’s basically extremely possessive over you

Literally glares at anyone who dares even look in your direction, then promptly tries to start a fight with them if they make you uncomfortable

Kisses pressed fleetingly to your lips and on the back of your neck

He is super touch starved, but way too shy to ask for affection

Hold his face in your hands, just do it. His eyes will glisten with tears, but he’ll nuzzle his cheeks into your palms to hide his blush

Now he randomly takes your hands and places them on his face while kissing (and nibbling) your palms

On a similar vein, the first time you cuddled, he became addicted. He was stiff at first, but quickly melted into you and squeezed you like a teddy bear

When he tries to compliment you or give you a gift or etc., he’ll become super nervous and flustered and mumble to himself

Senpai Iwaizumi is basically his teacher when it comes to about every aspect of your relationship

That’s not to say he won’t talk to you about things, just that he feels less nervous to talk about date ideas or kissing with Iwaizumi

He actually once made the mistake of going to Oikawa for advice…………never again

tōru oikawa

“(My) Star”, “ (My) Starlight”, “ (My) Universe”, “Little Cutie”

Takes you stargazing and on dates to planetariums

Whines to you when Iwa-chan beats him up, then whines even more if you beat him up and/or tease him about being a baby

Kisses along your jaw and on the corners of your mouth

Favorite thing to do is fluster you and he is damn good at, though honestly sometimes he can get really cheesy and cringey with it

If you are apart for long periods of time, he becomes super lonely

The second he gets to see you, he tackles and smothers you with all the love he can give

The amount of pictures he has of himself nearly outweighs the amount of pictures he has of you which is saying something because he has a lot of you

He is the clingiest boy of all time, like, damn near Bokuto levels of clingy. If you try and pry him off of you, he will become so whiny and pouty and just grip you tighter

Half the time you just throw your hands up in defeat

Also like Bokuto, he absolutely loves having his hair played with, especially when he’s cuddled with his head on your chest

His hair is so fluffy and so soft, like how can you not???

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consider liking/reblogging if you enjoyed :)

[softboywriting]

Hard To Love | Nathan Bateman | Ex Machina

Summary: You’re Nathan’s personal assistant. He’s an insufferable bastard. Both of you have unchecked tension and feelings for each other. What could possibly go wrong? [swearing] [sexual themes/situations] [arguments] [exhibitonism - implied] [pining] [Dominant!Nathan] [Nickname use - pet name/non derogatory] [Nathan being Nathan] [nsfw - kissing, lap sitting/grinding, heavily implied masturbation!f reader] [F!reader/Nathan]

Word Count: 7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Nathan is...well... Nathan. Insufferable, workaholic, egotistical. He is a lot to handle and doing so isn't always easy. You had a lot of breakdowns, screaming matches, some nearly coming to blows. But you didn't give up and you learned to work around him, and coax him out of moods, serve him back the same dry humor and disinterest. After finding out he had gone through four assistants, two that never made it past their first week, you knew you couldn't give up on him. There was a diamond in the rough and you were going to find it because despite all of the hard times, you care for him. He's a fucking bastard, but he's your fucking bastard.

"It's been six months." Nathan says over breakfast one morning.

You look back from where you're cleaning up the pans you used to make his vegetable omelet with soy egg substitute. His favorite. You had taken over cooking from Kyoko three months ago when she began to malfunction. You're not sure what happened, or if maybe Nathan staged the malfunction to give you more to do. You suspect the latter.

"Six months? Really?"

"Don't act like you don't count the days."

"I don't actually." You set your plate of food on the table and he reaches for one of your toasts. He has his own, well, had. He ate it already but he has egg left so he wants more toast. "I stopped months ago."

He chuckles softly. "I still don't know why you won't quit."

"Why do you want me to?"

"I don't."

"Then why do you bring it up?" You raise your eyebrows and he shoots you a look over his vitamin water. "Cat got your tongue?"

Nathan folds his hands, elbows on the table as he shakes his head. "Most people in your position, having dealt with what you have dealt with, would be itching to get as far away as possible. Surely you must be mentally unstable to stay with me, gaining some sick pleasure from our fights and shit. I almost feel bad."

He almost feels bad, as if he were to blame for nothing. Typical. "And if I am fucked up? Gonna fire me?"

"Fuck no."

You smile over your coffee. Decaf. He won't have regular in the house after he nearly went into cardiac arrest from an over abundance of caffeine. He did it to himself. Slugging back redbulls with his vodka after drinking his pre-work out mix that had far more than he needed in it. He may be a technical genius but he can be such a fucking moron.

"You like me." You tease, rubbing your barefoot on his leg under the table. "You would miss me if I left."

He snorts indignantly but does not deny your observations.

"How was the food?"

"Perfect." He sits back, foot bumping yours now, running up the side. "Don't know how you do it."

"Perfect? Wow. High praise from you." You swat his foot away with yours and he starts trying to pin it down by stepping on it. "Better than Kyoko's?"

Nathan hums. "I programmed her with cooking skills from top chefs across the internet. Technically she should be the greatest chef on the planet. So the fact that you can make me food that is better floors me."

You hook your ankle around his and he lets out a little grunt. "Cooking is an act of love. Yes you can program an AI to make things perfectly but technical skill doesn't equate to preferred taste. Come on, Nathan, you're smarter than this."

"Questioning my intelligence now?"

"Every day." You jerk your leg back as he lifts his other foot to trap it. "Cheat! You cheater! One foot only!"

Nathan lets out a boisterous laugh, head falling back, hand over his chest. "You get so worked up over that!"

You roll your eyes and stab your eggs viciously. "Fuck off Nathan."

"No need to get so mouthy."

"Mouthy." You scoff. "Rich coming from you."

He stands, catching your chin in his grasp. "I got you to break."

"You- oh God damn it." You jerk away, arm extending to shove him.

He chuckles proudly to himself. "I'll be in my lab. Find me if you need me."

"Gonna let me in today?"

"I might."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you later."

____________________

Nathan could have the AI clean the house, but then you would run out of things to do. Honestly your job could be done by any one of his creations, humanoid or not. You don't actually need to be there at all, and yet Nathan keeps you around. For a man who is hell bent on privacy and secrecy surrounding his work, you have no idea how he has let others in. He laughs when he says that he had the men who built the complex killed after the fact. Surely it's a joke. You think. Though you've never asked, never dared to investigate the truth in his words. It's best you don't know.

The house doesn't need cleaning that often. Just laundry, dishes, some sweeping and mopping should you or Nathan track in mud after a hike. Most chores take a few hours out of one day a week. Your title is assistant and yet you don't actually assist him. Not in his work anyway. You feel like your title should be maid or housekeeper. It's fine, you really don't care because he pays you so generously that you would do whatever he needs you to.

"Kitten!" Nathan's voice comes from the intercom system built in the house. "Come to the lab, kitten."

You scowl at the nickname. He dubbed you Kitten your second day at the complex because he thought your wandering around perplexed by the maze like design of the house was akin to a new kitten trying to find its way in the world. You suppose there could be worse names he could call you, and there are ones that have come out in screaming matches, but kitten has stuck.

"Lab. Now. Come on."

"Fuck." You groan, tossing aside your book you were getting very into.

"I heard that."

"Of course you did." You lift your badge and scan the door to your room to head out into the hall. One of the AI walks by and you think her name is Lily. She's beautiful. Unfortunately her programming has failed and she cannot speak. "Hi Lily."

Lily raises her hand in greeting.

If she is out then that must mean Nathan has been working on her. You turn away from the AI and walk down the hall to the junction that splits left to Nathan's room and right to another hall that goes to the lab and test rooms. The lab door is open, the light blue on the access pad.

Nathan spins around in his chair. "Kitten, you've made it."

"As if I could get lost."

"I have something to show you."

"Do you? I thought you didn't want me involved in your work."

Nathan gives you a hard look. "Do you want to fucking see it or not?"

"I don't even know what it is."

He grabs a small item off his desk and brings it to you. "This is it. My newest AI."

You take the small flash drive from him and turn it over in your hands. "This is a new program?"

"Yes. My best work yet. I'm going to build her this week."

"Exciting."

"Please show some enthusiasm for fucks sake." He snatches the device from your hand. "I'm kind enough to share this with you, you could at least say thank you."

"I never asked."

Nathan slaps the flash drive down on the desk and stares at you. He is not used to being served his own cold attitude and he never will be. Since you started going toe to toe with him, he has been on top of his game. It's like you engage his mind beyond his massive ego. "You're insufferable."

"Likewise." You smile and he smiles back. The pissing match has ended. "I need to get groceries soon."

"You know what I like."

"Of course I do." You fold your arms over your chest and he averts his eyes for a moment. You know he's staring at your breasts, pushed up in the tank top you had chosen to wear while deep cleaning your bathroom earlier. "But what do you want?"

"Loaded question, kitten."

"Going that route today?"

"Maybe." He saunters towards you and catches your hair between his fingers. "I want... something sweet."

You raise your eyebrows. "You're craving sugar? Are you ill?"

He chuckles. "A little. Just in the head."

"Seriously."

"Yes I want something sweet. Get me some donuts." He puts his hands on his hips. "Get yourself something too."

"I always get myself stuff. Do you think I only buy your groceries?"

"It's my house, of course I think you buy my shit."

You reach out and touch his beard, fingertips gliding along his cheek. You don't miss the way his eyes flutter at your touch. "Do you need your beard oil? The conditioner stuff? Looks dry."

He grabs your hand and curls his fingers around yours. "Yes, I do. But don't touch it."

"Possessive today huh?" You smirk and he groans irritably deep in his throat. "You live for my touch."

"I live for you to leave me the fuck alone."

"Then fire me."

"No."

"Then suffer." You bring your other hand up and pat his opposite cheek. "Does physical affection bother you Nathan? Does touching another human bother you so mu-"

He backs you against the wall and pins your wrists. His face is only inches from yours, body pouring heat onto you. It sparks something deep inside and you feel heat pooling in between your legs. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" He murmurs, grip tight on your skin.

"Don't you have some issues to work out?"

"Fuck you."

"You'd like to."

Nathan drops your wrists at that and retreats into the lab, the door closing and locking behind him. It drives him mad that you're not one of his AI that he can order around and do what he pleases with. You like to think that's why he keeps you around, to remind him that he's human and he needs someone that isn't an algorithm to keep him sane. Maybe he also let a little piece of you crave out a chunk of his icy cold heart.

You rub your wrists and look at the reddened skin. They might bruise. You straighten your clothes and head back to your room. You'll need to wear something more appropriate to the store. It's cold out these days.

_____________________

"Do you get lonely?" Nathan asks one evening over drinks in the lounge.

You put down your laptop and give him your attention. It's the first time he's spoken to you in two days since the wrist grabbing incident. "Lonely?"

"Yeah. Do you miss relationships? Hook ups?"

"Not really. I was never super social to begin with."

"Right."

"Why?"

"Just curious." He takes a long drink, emptying his tumbler. "Why do you think I want to fuck you?"

You feel your cheeks redden. The way he is staring at you makes your arousal rear its ugly head. Staring shouldn't turn you on. He hasn't done anything. "I think you're desperate."

"Desperate?"

"Yeah. You decommissioned Kyoko months ago, Lily doesn't have a vagina and yes I know this because you told me in a drunken stupor ages ago. So you haven't fucked anything or anyone in months."

"You think I need to fuck?"

You stand and walk over to him, knocking his knees open to stand between his legs. "Nathan, just fucking admit that you want me. That you keep me around because one day you'll grow a pair of balls and ask me to sleep with you."

His hands come up and grab your hips. He pulls you down and you straddle his lap, thin pajama pants hardly acting as a barrier between you and his cock in his gray sweats. "I keep you around because you piss me off." He grips your ass and you roll your hips against him. "You piss me off and make my blood boil like no one else."

"So you hate me?"

Nathan brings your head down to meet his. "I couldn't hate you if I tried."

"Then what are we doing?"

"We're having a moment." He grabs your hair and you snap at his nose with your teeth in response. "Behave."

You let out a moan as he begins kissing up your throat. "This was your plan all along."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"No."

"Then I'll make you." His hand closes around your throat, applying just enough pressure to make you stop talking. "Why do you have to be so in my head? Why..." He kisses your shoulder, biting the junction between it and your neck. "Why did you have to show up?"

"You hired me." You whisper and he drops his hand from your throat in favor of sliding it up your shirt. "You selected me."

He rolls his hips up against you, biting down on your skin to elicit a yelp from you. "You're damn right I did."

You grind down against his cock and he grabs your hips to still them. You let out a soft whine from the lack of pleasure and he grips harder.

"Get up."

Your heart sinks, and you stare at him in confusion. "What?"

"Get up. We're not doing this." Nathan pushes you off of his lap and you stumble to your feet.

You straighten your clothes and walk around the coffee table to grab your laptop. You can't say you didn't expect this. It was a long shot to begin with and you initiated it so you knew he would shut it down. Still, it hurts. His rejection isn't disinterest, it's personal protection. He won't let anyone that close to his heart.

"Good night, Nathan." You mutter as you head for the doors to the inner workings of the complex.

"Night, Kitten."

_____________________

It is three days before you see Nathan again. Locking himself away isn't uncommon practice. It's a Thursday when you see him out on the deck with the punching bag. You happened to catch a glance when you were preparing breakfast as you had every day. He didn't eat with you, but you still made it for him and left it under the warmer. The plate was always gone when you came back, so at least you know he is eating.

You grab a few grapefruits from the basket on the counter and start juicing them. It'll be a nice surprise for him. You grab a cup from the cupboard and tilt the juicer to dump its contents for you. It looks good, smells tart but it is not your type of juice. Fitting for a man like Nathan. Bitter, tart and sort of hard to swallow. You rub a bit of the squeezed rinde around the top of the glass and grab the sugar dish to sprinkle some around the rim. A little sweet to lessen the bite, a representation of you in this metaphor.

"Kitten, good morning." Nathan says as you approach with his juice and a towel. "What's this?"

"Grapefruit."

He raises his eyebrows. "Fresh?"

"Yep." You hand him the glass and he inspects it suspiciously. "No poison. Promise."

A smile creeps it's way across his face as he gulps it down. He takes a moment at the end to lick the sugar clean from the rim, keeping his eyes on yours the whole time. It's far more sexual than you think it should be, and it was never your intent to get this response.

"Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes." You pass him the towel and take the glass.

Nathan scrubs the towel over his face and rests it around his neck. "I'm going for a hike later."

"Okay?"

"You're going with me." He turns back to the punching bag and starts his routine back up. "Be ready at nine."

You sigh. "Alright."

_____________________

Nathan's idea of a hike and your idea of a hike vary greatly. You view a hike as wandering around the forest along trails and seeing the beauty of nature before you. Leisurely pace, breaks, maybe a snack or two and some photos for the memories. Nathan however thinks hikes are treacherous climbs up cliffs and rock jumping across rivers and streams. He goes as quick as possible as if he's trying to get somewhere and he's going to be late. It's hardly relaxing.

"Come on, why are you so slow?" Nathan barks from atop a rock some several yards ahead of you.

You're panting, legs pushed to their limit from the half an hour long uphill climb you've just endured. You have no idea how he isn't even winded.

"Fuck off Nathan!" You huff, grabbing a scrubby looking tree for support as you haul yourself up over a broken chunk of the path. A game trail, not even a proper walking path.

He laughs, his voice echoing off the cliffs surrounding you. "You can do it, Kitten! Get that little ass up here!"

You finally reach him, your lungs threatening to explode. "First of all, this isn't a hike it's a rock climbing marathon." You hold a finger up to his face threateningly. "And second, my ass isn't little."

"Oh I know." He folds his arms over his chest.

"So you stare at my ass a lot then?"

"I'm a heterosexual man. Of course I'm going to look at your ass."

You roll your eyes. "Thanks for the objectification."

"You're welcome."

"Can we take a break here? My legs are killing me."

Nathan stretches his arms up and back. "This is why I brought you with me."

"Why?"

"So you can get some exercise. Your stamina is shit."

You glance to the drop off below then back at him. "You wanna keep insulting me?"

"Facts are not insults."

"I will push you off this cliff, Nathan."

He steps away from the edge and closer to you. He doesn't say anything about it. Doesn't apologize for the comments about your stamina and needing to work out more. He reaches for your face, plucking something off of your cheek. "Eyelash."

"Make a wish."

"Wishes are for children." He flicks his finger off to the side.

"I wish my boss would get his head out of his ass." You smirk triumphantly. "Is that a child's wish?"

Nathan flicks his eyes up and down your face, eyes settling on the bite bruise peaking out from under your sweatshirt collar. You had forgotten about it until this very moment, when you realize he hadn't seen it yet. "Is that mine?"

"Of course. Who else has been biting me out here in the middle of nowhere?" You reach up to touch it and he shoves your hand away to pull the fabric aside for himself.

"No one else can touch you."

Heat blossoms in your stomach at his jealousy tinged words. Possessive Nathan really does it for you. But he isn't your boyfriend. He is your boss. "I'm not yours Nathan."

His fingertips ghost over the nearly healed bruise. "Yes you are."

"I'm not."

"Then why don't you leave?"

You shove his hand off your shoulder and he gives you one of his famed deadly glares for doing something he doesn't like. "You don't want me. So I can't be yours."

"It's not that I don't want you, I can't have you." He turns and starts walking away, resuming the hike. How very like him. He says something stupidly cryptic that only makes sense to him. Whatever. You're not here for his affection and approval. You're here to be his assistant.

____________________

"I'm out of alcohol." Nathan states plainly, looking into the cupboard that usually has a few bottles of his favorite liquors. "Where is my shit?"

You look over from the fridge and smirk to yourself. "I thought you were on a detox again."

"I'm done with it. Where..." He turns and looks at you. "You didn't buy anything."

"Nope. I was told not to."

"By who?"

"You."

He purses his lips and looks around as if thinking about when he would have ever said that to you. He looks perplexed and you feel so smug. "Since when do you ever listen to me?"

You laugh softly. This is your fault now? Following his orders and not buying alcohol? Really.

"You're my boss. I usually follow your orders."

Nathan kicks the cupboard closed lightly. "Stop that."

"Stop what? Following your instructions?"

"Stop fucking with my head." He leans on the counter and takes his glasses off to dig his palms into his eyes. "You're so fucking irritating."

"Sure am." You gather some utensils from the counter that you left to dry and begin to put them away. "I live to make you suffer."

Nathan pulls his hands from his eyes and stares at you, eyebrows furrowed. It's like you're a puzzle and he's trying to see the solution. "Sometimes I wonder."

"You're being a baby."

"Excuse me?"

You walk over and stand in front of him, hands on your hips, mimicking his pose when he explains things to you. He doesn't fail to notice this as his eyes sweep over you in assessment and he raises his head as if challenging you. "You're only saying I'm irritating and making you suffer because you can't drink. It's been what? A week?"

"Eight days."

"A week. I'm sure you can make it another two weeks."

"You're fucking joking."

"Nope. I'm not going into town for groceries again until absolutely necessary. It's a three hour flight there and then back, remember?"

Nathan clenches the edge of the counter top with white knuckles.

"Get as pissed as you want." You lean in close and he nearly moves back. You know he won't back down from a challenge. "Maybe you'll have to face your demons sober. Maybe you'll figure your shit out."

"I didn't hire you to be my fucking therapist."

"Yet here I am."

Nathan pushes off the counter and grabs the bottle of water you set out for him before he goes off to lock himself in his lab for God knows how long. Ever since you came on to him he seems to be jumpy around you. You don't know why he won't just admit that he likes you, that he wants you. He is going to get blue balls sooner or later. Well, maybe not because he can jack off but actual sex isn't the same and you know he has a sex drive through the roof. You used to hear it at all hours of the morning before he deactivated Kyoko. You'd be lying if you said you didn't get off on it a few times.

_____________________

Days and days pass without a word from Nathan. Ten is now the most you've ever gone and after five you start to wonder if he is even in the house. Maybe he went for a walk and fell in the river. Maybe he pissed off his AI again and it finally strangled him. You would have no idea because the place is so huge and quiet for the most part. Aside from living quarters the complex is soundproofed. One would think Nathan's room beside yours would be for privacy but it's not. The freak. He wants people to hear him.

At the twelfth day mark you actually begin to worry. A twenty day sober Nathan may be a new kind of animal and you're not sure if you truly want to interact. Distance makes the heart grow fond though and while he is insufferable you do care for him and wish to see his stupid smug face. It's a risk but one you need to take.

The light on the lab door is red. Locked. You raise your key card and it buzzes, remaining red. He's denied your access to the lab. Shocker. You press the com button on the wall but it doesn't connect. He's shut that off too.

You lean your head on the cool cement wall and sigh. One more day. You'll give it one more day. If he doesn't show his face you'll get the override key card that resides in the hidden box in the bathroom. You found it ages ago, by pure accident. You've never used it and he has no idea that you even know about it. But you'll do what you have to do.

______________________

Morning of the next day you find yourself in bed, looking around the soft cream colored walls. An idea comes to mind. A dirty, dirty idea. You know Nathan has cameras in every room. He's too anal about protectng his work not to. Plus he has major trust issues.

You lean over the side of the bed and pull open the nightstand drawer. Inside is a small vibrator that you brought with you when you moved in. There's another box in there too. One that was there when you opened the drawer the first night. On the top it says "For your needs, because you're only human."

Of course you opened the box out of curiosity, Nathan had said everything in the room was for you so it wasn't snooping. In the box was a dildo, some lube and a little bullet vibrator. You had never used them, finding the gift too personal and odd. Complimentary soap? Normal. Complimentary extra blankets and pillows? Thoughtful. Complimentary sex toys? Insane. Until you got to know Nathan, you thought it was the weirdest thing ever. In fact, you forgot about the box after a while as you hadn't had the urge to get off until recently. Today however, you're going to make a show of it in hopes of getting his attention.

You dump the contents of the box on the bed and pick up the dildo, wrapping your fingers around it. It's life like, fleshy and soft but firm enough for it's intended use. It's bigger than you might usually prefer but nothing you can't handle with some extra time. And you've got nothing but time. You take a glance around the room, not seeing any obvious surveillance cameras. This may be for nothing.

You make quick work of your pajamas, toss aside the blankets and prop yourself against the headboard. You decide to keep your gaze fixed on the television, imagining it's where he is watching from. You close your eyes and let your hands start to wander, doing thier thing while your mind runs wild.

Time passes slowly as you work yourself over, adjusting to the dildo and working yourself into a heated frenzy. It would be easier if you had something to watch, some porn or something. You're not intent on making yourself come, but you will if it comes to that. You just want to put on a show to draw him out. That's what you're telling yourself anyway.

The power goes out, darkening the room and thrusting you into silence. The back up system announces its engagement and the emergency lights come up red. You sit up and lean your head back against the headboard. Great. You toss the toys aside and get up, pulling on your pajamas. You go to the door, punch in the code for manual override during power failure. Nathan is such a nerd. It's not a specific number but rather the theme to Star Wars.

The door clicks open and you go out into the hall. No one in sight, not that you really expected anyone. "Nathan!" You call out, heading for the lab door. Everything is eerie red and you don't like it. "Power is out!"

No response.

"Nathan James Bateman!" You sing song as you slide your card on the lab door. It buzzes. "I know you hear me you fuck!"

"Power restored. All systems active."

The hall turns white, back to the bright daylight simulated lighting. You lift your key card up in hopes that the system turned off his lock out coding for your card. Sure enough it turns blue and the door clicks open. Relief washes over you as you step into the darkened office where his computer is set up, notes on the wall, security feeds pulled up on two of the monitors. The door to the actual lab is open and you walk through into the bright area.

"Nate?" You call out, the nickname slipping out as your voice wavers a bit when you don't see him anywhere.

"Kitten?"

You spin around and see the man you seek emerge from a doorway. It's the server closet where the breaker box is. "Hey."

"How'd you get in here?"

"The power failure reset the lock codes."

"You can leave."

"Nathan, you haven't been out in almost two weeks. I'm starting to get worried. What are you eating? Are you sleeping?"

"I'm fine."

You give him a once over. Wrinkled clothes. Disheveled beard. Hair grown out longer than you remember, still buzzed but not so close. His skin is dull and lifeless. "You look like shit."

"What's new?"

"Oh come on. You're more vain than that. What are you doing in here anyway? Why the power failure?"

"Fuck off."

"What an original come back. I've been trying to get your attention for days. The fact that it took a power outage for me to get to you is sad." You walk up to him and touch his chest, there is a little bit of dried blood smeared on his shirt. A cut on his hand most likely. "Nathan, talk to me."

Nathan pushes away from you and goes to his design table where there are blueprints laid out for an AI.

"Nathan."

"Leave." There is no venom in his tone. If anything he sounds pleading.

You decide to make a bold move and wrap your arms around his shoulders. He stiffens, hands stilling on the table, pen falling from his fingers. "Please talk to me."

"Just go. I don't want to talk to you."

"Fine. Dinner is at six." You pause at the doorway to the office area. "Did you hear me?"

"Six."

"Good."

_____________________

Things fall back into a normal rhythm in the days following. You do your work and he does his. You eat together, go for walks, talk about his progress on the new AI. Everything seems to be back to it’s usual flow, how it always happened after big arguments or falling outs.

So while you’re sitting in the lab watching him work one day and he asks you about the dildo in the bedside table you're thrown for a loop. It’s far from his usual choice of topics and you had actually forgotten all about it. His mentioning of it brings back the memory of when you were laid out on your bed, literally masturbating to try and get his attention. Christ what a desperate move that was. Stupid.

"So have you opened it?"

"The dildo box? Yeah I've opened it." You try to remain casual as you discuss something so personal. You definitely aren’t thinking about how good it felt.

He smirks. "Used it?"

"No." A bold lie. He has no idea. He never saw you in your bedroom. At least you don't think he did. Why would he ask about it if he had? Why is he asking about it at all?

“You’re a shitty liar.” He turns around in his chair and faces you, pushing his glasses up off the end of his nose. “Did you like it?”

“I haven’t used it.”

“Do you want me to bring up the video? I will.” He stands and heads to the office. “Come on, come here.”

You slide off the table and walk behind him in your shame, cheeks hot. You knew you shouldn’t have lied. Of course he was testing you. It's Nathan for fucks sake. He gestures to his rolling chair and you take a seat while he leans over the desk and clicks around on files on the desktop. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yeah. It is.” He opens a play back window and you can see the view of your room. No surprise. You try to figure out where the hell this camera is based on the angle. It seems to be the top left corner above your closet but as far as you remember there is nothing there. “Oh, there you are.”

“Nathan.”

“No, no watch.” He points to the screen as you toss and turn on the bed. He speeds up the playback as you get into the drawer and get the box out. You deliberately clear the bed, undress, get back on the bed.

You roll your eyes, looking away from the screen and he places a hand on your head and turns it back to watch. “So? I’m masturbating. Whatever. You do it too. If I wasn’t supposed to use the damn thing why did you leave it for me?”

“Oh I don’t care that you used it.” He clicks a little audio icon beside the playback screen. “I just want to know why you lied about it.”

“I am embarrassed? I don't make a habit of talking about my-”

“Nathan.” Your voice plays back on the audio coming from the video playback and you wish you could sink into the floor and disappear. “Nathan, harder please!” Of course he has audio on the fucking cameras. Of fucking course he does because why not right? It’s his house, his research facility.

Nathan looks at you over his glasses. “You’re embarrassed about talking about masturbating or you’re embarrassed that you think of me when you do it and I found out? Actually don’t answer that because this looks deliberate.” He takes a seat on the desk, blocking the view of the monitors. “Now, are you going to lie to me again, or tell me what this is about?”

“I wanted to get your attention.”

“Well you got it honey.” He clicks a button on the keyboard and it stops the playback.

“I wanted your attention to get you out of the fucking lab. It had been almost two weeks since I had seen you and the only way I can reach you from outside is through the cameras. So I thought, maybe there is one in my room because you’re a fucking control freak. Low and behold I was right, but it didn’t work how I planned it to.” You fold your arms over your chest and he chuckles. “What’s so funny?”

“You.”

“Me? How is any of this funny?”

“What kind of person thinks that masturbating on camera is going to get someone’s attention? No, seriously, why wouldn’t you try flash signalling the cameras in the halls? Set up a cue card with a message? Who says I’m gonna fuck myself for my bosses attention?”

You take in a deep breath and clench your jaw. He’s right, kind of. You hate it but he is. In any other situation you never would have done this. So why did you? Why did your brain go straight to exhibitionism? Because it’s Nathan and you’ve got it bad for him and you wanted him to see you. He’s got your brain just as fucked up as he has his own.

“It was wrong, I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Nope.” He kicks his legs hanging over the desk. “I wanna know if you liked that dildo.”

“It was fine I guess.”

“Not too much?”

“Nathan, why do you fucking care?”

He hops off the desk and shakes his head as he heads into the lab. “I’m curious is all!”

“You’re a freak!”

“And yet you still like me!”

“I’m starting to wonder why.” You push up out of the chair, close the playback on the computer and leave the office. You’re covering that stupid camera and throwing that dildo in the trash chute. You should have known he’d get some weird complex out of watching you say his fucking name while plowing yourself with a toy. In a weird way it turns you on, but it also pisses you off because he won’t actually admit that he liked it. He won’t ever admit anything.

_____________________

“Can I ask you something?” You say to Nathan as he sits beside you on the couch. You’re in the lounge together, dinner long over, watching a movie as you wind down for the evening. He’s got his arm around the back of the cushions and your legs are pulled up under you, feet pressed against his thigh. You’re close, but not too close.

“I don’t know. Can you?”

“Don’t be a dick for ten minutes please.”

Nathan holds his hand up in defense. “Ten minutes. Shoot.”

“Promise you won’t be a dick? For real?”

“Yes. Ask me the damn question.”

You take a deep breath, knowing what you’re about to ask is going to be rough on him. “When we were on our hikes a few weeks ago, you said it wasn’t that you don’t want me, it’s that you can’t have me. What does that mean?”

Nathan stares ahead at the movie on the tv over the fireplace. A moment passes, a moment that is too long and makes the room fill with awkward tension. You expected this.

“Gonna stay quiet for the ten minutes you aren’t going to be a dick?”

“Shut up.” He says softly, no venom in the words.

You stare at him expectantly, awaiting a better answer than just shut up. “Seriously, would you just-”

Nathan’s arm comes up from the back on the couch and his hand catches the back of your head, dragging you closer to him as he presses a kiss to your lips. Your blood boils in the best way and you chase his lips as he pulls away. “That’s all it takes to shut you up?”

“Answer my question. Ten minutes aren’t up.”

“I can’t have you because you’re going to leave. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day you’re going to leave.”

“I’m not leaving Nathan.”

He scoffs. “So if I stopped paying you to be my assistant, you would stay?”

“Yes.”

"You're fucked up." He shakes his head. "You're fucked up and it's my fault."

You stare at him at a loss for words. Did he just admit fault for something? Are you hearing this correctly? Is Nathan Bateman, tech genius and egotistical maniac admitting he has done something? Holy shit.

"I did this to you. I made you stay here and endure my mood swings and drinking and all my shit. I stockholm syndrome'd you and I didn't even realize it." He leans his head back and closes his eyes. "You don't deserve this."

"Nathan, you didn't make me stay here. I chose to stay."

"Where the fuck were you going to go? Run off into the woods for days and days until you hope to find someone? What option did you have? I trapped you here. I've kept you caged in this house like an animal."

You lay your hand over his and he grabs it, threading your fingers together. "You don't think someone could actually love you, do you?"

"What?"

"You don't think someone could fall in love with you because you're insecure. You push people away, you push me away because you think it's easier than letting yourself feel something for someone."

Nathan looks pissed but he holds his tongue.

"I'm not trapped here, you aren't twisting my arm and making me stay here against my will. I know what I signed up for, I know what I signed in those contracts. I could have told you to fuck off and shove your head up your ass months ago and taken a helicopter back into the city. I could have just run away on any one of my dozen grocery runs in the last several months. But did I?"

"No."

"Why is that?"

"I don't fucking know."

You lay the hand not held in his, on to his cheek and turn his face to make him look at you. "Because I love you, Nathan."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. You're a real son of a bitch sometimes and I want to break your nose and choke you to death every once in a while but I care. I care about you, about your work, about your life. I want to be here, I want to be a part of your life Nathan. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan gets up and you hold your joined hands tightly.

"Don't run away damn it!"

"I'm not! Would you let go!"

"I swear to fucking God if you lock yourself in that lab again I am going to get a battering ram."

He takes his glasses off and presses them into your palm. "Take these as collateral. I'll be right back."

You sit back on the couch and glare at his form as it disappears into the house. You clean his glasses carefully with the edge of your shirt and set them on the coffee table. He has to come back for them, he's as blind as a bat without them.

Nathan returns shortly with a small box. "I made these." He hands you the box and you open it as he puts his glasses back on. Inside are two black bands, rings.

"I don't understand."

"I made them because I know I can be difficult." He plucks one from the box. "They track the wearers vitals, change colors based on varying indicators, and they will work no matter how far apart they are."

"You made high tech mood rings."

He shoots you a glare. "I made them for you." He places the ring in his hand into your palm. "So you will know that I'm alright when I'm working long hours. I know I'm not the easiest to read and I don't have the easiest time expressing myself sometimes."

You put the ring on and it lights up a soft pink color. The moment Nathan slips his over his finger you can feel a soft steady pulse coming from the ring. "Is that your heartbeat?"

"Yeah." He holds his hand out and you can see his band is the same color pink. "I'll give you a breakdown on all the colors and functions later, but pink means the body is at ease."

"Do you love me? Just tell me, straight up no games."

"Yeah." He cups your cheek and brings you in for a kiss. "I love the shit out of you."

You break away from his kiss and press your foreheads together. "Can I ask just one more question?"

"Fire away."

"Is the dildo a mold of your dick?"

A smile spreads across his face and you already know the answer before he says it. "It is."

"You're a freak."

"And you absolutely love it."

You smile as he presses his lips to yours and pulls you over into his lap. "I guess I do."

The end

Please reblog if you read or like. Thank yo so much for reading! -A

Header by the lovey talented delicate-venus

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,547 Words

Summary: Kirishima finds a friend on a late-night hair dye run. Little does everyone know this new friend staying with 1-A temporarily is a deaged villain, who doesn't know what he turned into in his old future. Can they carve him a new future?

Chapter Summary: Kirishima takes home a hair dye buddy without either of them realizing the implications.

Warnings: Attempted Stealing Mention, Fighting Mention, Cursing, Injury Mention, Drunk Mention, Child Abuse Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Thoughts look like ‘this’.

Hair Dye Buddies: Chapter 1

Kirishima really never thought he'd be in this position. But his roots were nearly two inches now and he'd made the excuse of wearing a hat far too often lately. It was better to just get it done. Just a quick run for some hair bleach and his usual red dye.

While there, he saw a boy his age looking at brown hair dyes, wearing a hoodie with the hood covering his hair. Hah! So he wasn't the only one on a midnight hair dye run. He looked like he was having problems as he read over the instructions.

"Find a good one?" He asked.

'Great way to start a conversation with the poor dude, Eijiro.' Big blue eyes looked up like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't. Kind of like a kid in trouble.

"Huh? Oh, I um...I don't know which one will work." The other seemed more than shy, almost like he hadn't expected someone to notice him, or for everyone to ignore him. Like he was used to it.

"Sorry for buggin ya man. Ya know, that brand wears out easy. This one stays longer." He tapped the light brown box of dye of the brand he'd picked. The boy put back the other box and hesitantly took the brown box of dye he'd recommended.

He seemed rather skittish even while Kirishima checked out and he saw the kid putting the dye in his jacket. Oh. OH. He was skittish because he didn't have money for the dye. Kirishima went back to him and tapped his shoulder, earning a wince but the kid looked at him and scared eyes got impossibly more frightened.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll put it back." The kid promised.

"Hey, it's no big deal. I get it, okay? Here." He stuck his hand out and the kid handed him the brown dye with bandaged hands. "C'mon." Kirishima led him to the registers and paid for the brown dye and handed it to him.

"Thank you." The kid whispered.

"No problem! I hope it turns out well, man." Kirishima smiled brightly and the kid headed out quickly and Kirishima followed, coming out to see a burly guy bugging the kid.

"You think you can just change your hair color to hide from me!?" Kirishima didn't quite think, setting his hair dye down and rushing to take the punch the kid was about to take with his hardening practically breaking the guy's hand.

"You've got an attack dog now!?" The guy yelled.

"Fuck off dude! He's a kid!" Eijiro snapped at the guy.

"He owes me!" The guy roared.

"He doesn't owe you shit, he's just a kid!" The hero-in-training snapped back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The kid tried to apologize for his new involvement.

"It's okay, kid." Eijiro assured him. "Why's this guy bothering you?"

"He hurt me after he said I could stay with him. I ran away. I was trying to hide." The kid told him.

"You're safe, kid. I won't let him near you." He promised.

"Gimme the kid! He got hurt because he owes me!"  Kirishima decked the guy and he was down for the count now.

"I'm sorry." The kid apologized again.

"It's okay. I'm a hero-in-training. It's my job to protect people like you from guys like him." The kid handed him his bag with his bleach and dye.

"You put this down." The kid whispered.

"Thanks, dude. You wanna walk this guy to the station with me and I'll get you home?" Eijiro asked.

"I should be fine."

"Come on, kid." He led him along to the station and dropped the guy off. "Now where do you live?" The kid looked around to find an exit and it hit him harder than he thought it should. The guy who hassled him had housed him. He ran away. He didn't have a home to take him back to.

"Come on, kid." He began leading him to UA, texting Aizawa that he had a friend coming over. "My name's Kirishima, by the way. Kirishima Eijiro." He smiled at his new friend.

"Todoroki Touya." The kid whispered.

"Huh, I didn't know Shoto had a cousin named Touya." Kirishima muttered.

"Shoto is my brother." Touya told him.

"Oh, then I could have Mr. Aizawa extend your stay as a family visit!" Kirishima smiled, hugging him close.

"Okay." Touya quietly followed and looked up at the UA building before Kirishima faced him toward the dormitories across from it. Aizawa was waiting for them, cat in arms and looking quite unhappy.

"Heyo, Mr. Aizawa, here's Touya. Harmless as a fly." Touya looked at the Pro Hero and waved a bit.

"And you said he's your 'bestie' and 'hair dye buddy'?" Aizawa asked groggily.

"Yes, sir! He's just visiting for a bit. I also happened to find out he's one of Todoroki's brothers on the way here." Aizawa eyed him up and down.

"And I got a call from the station you turned in a man harassing him for a hold in the drunk tank?" Aizawa asked.

"Yeah, the guy was reeking of booze and Touya here is like half his size and I came out to see this guy buggin' Touya saying he couldn't just change his hair color to hide." Kirishima explained.

"What did that guy mean, Touya?" Aizawa was now leading them to the dorms.

"Well, I mean. My father kicked me out about a month ago and that guy found me and took me home two weeks ago but all he did was treat me like a maid and would hit me all the time. I thought maybe if I ran away and dyed my hair he'd forget about me." Touya was quiet, which helped with the dorms they were passing by.

"Shitty Hair, you're finally back. I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to dye my hair brown next time you dye yours...red." Bakugou stopped when he saw Aizawa and Touya. "Okay, tell me why I see a goth Todoroki. And where's his scar?" Touya looked at Bakugou and looked confused.

"Bakugou, this is Touya, Todoroki's brother. He's going to be staying in the dorms temporarily until we reach a good decision of where he's going." Bakugou's brows furrowed.

"Alright. Anyway. Kiri, about my hair. Next time can you pick up light to medium brown and make my hair look like my dad's?"

"Yeah, sure!" 

"Bakugou." Touya piped up.

"What, Cotton Candy?" Bakugou asked.

"Here." he handed the box of brown dye to Bakugou. "I was going to dye my hair to hide from a creep but I guess I don't really need to anymore since Kirishima turned him in. It's light brown."

"I like this one. We're stealing him into our friend group, Eijiro." Katsuki announced.

"I had a feeling you'd like him." Eijiro smiled, dragging Bakugou along to his room with Touya and Aizawa following behind.

"What's up, Old Man, you wanna supervise or something?" Bakugou asked as he opened the brown box of dye.

"I'd actually like to talk to Touya about his father and what happened." Aizawa told him.

"Oh, it's okay if they know, I don't mind." Touya whispered.

"You said your father kicked you out. Why is that?" Aizawa asked. Bakugou looked furious now and Kirishima seemed mad. Touya shrunk into himself even before he answered.

"Shoto is his prodigy, he doesn't need me anymore. And, when he gets tired of his toys, he destroys them. He beat me within an inch of my life and threw me out. I survived on my own for two weeks and then that guy, Ryuu, found me and took me to his house. He kept me like a maid and would beat me if things weren't perfect. I ran away from him this afternoon and I was going to change my hair color and run away to somewhere else." Touya admitted.

"Alright. So we'll be keeping you here until we can find a suitable housing situation. How old are you?" 

"16, I turn 17 in January." Touya confirmed.

"So while you're here, I'll have you enrolled and you'll be staying with my class for the foreseeable future. Given you've already made friends on this level, there's an empty room next to Bakugou's that'll become yours and I'll put a chair in the classroom for you." Aizawa told him. "Now I'm sure Bakugou and Kirishima can help you with a lot for now, I need to sleep and so do you kids after you're done with the hair dye. If you have any injuries, follow me back to the teacher dorms to be healed by Recovery Girl, but, otherwise, you can stay here." Aizawa added.

"Get some sleep, Mr. Aizawa!" Kirishima called after him.

"Be quiet." Came someone's reaction before the trio burst out laughing and went down to the commons to do Kirishima and Bakugou's hair.

"Okay, so I need to bleach my roots first and you don't need bleach." Kirishima began and Touya, for the first time in his life, felt like he was home even as Bakugou sat with brown dye finishing in his hair and Kirishima was washing out the bleach and drying his hair out for his own color. He felt wanted, finally.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka

[mmheadcanons]

tw // periods!

• lgbtq friendly :)

Jumin Han

———————

• Takes place a while after (y/n) and Jumin have gotten together.

• (y/n) has gotten their first period since them and Jumin have been together.

I tried to ignore the unbearable ache that was hurting the underside of my stomach. It was getting worse and worse and I clenched my stomach with both of my arms, squeezing it, knowing it wouldn’t help the pain but hoping it would. I tried to focus on the many colourful fish swimming around in Jumin’s fish tank. He had told me to wait here while he went to his meeting, informing me that it would “Be quick”, although it had felt like hours since he had left.

I groaned in pain, clinging onto the nearest cushion i could find. I had already made sure that I had a pad pre-prepared in case this was my first day, and tried to find something to put on my stomach, but of course Jumin didn’t own anything like a hot water bottle. I had tried to call Jaehee but she didn’t respond, and it hurt so much to move. Was it my low pain tolerance or was it a bad period?

I tried closing my eyes to go to sleep, but then I heard the door open. I looked up. Jumin! He was finally here. I smiled at him, but then clenched my stomach tightly as it burned.

“Are you okay?” He said, his eyes immediately widening at seeing me so distressed.

“Yeah.” I said. “Just in a little pain.”

“Why?” He asked, confused. “What happened?”

I laughed at his baffled face.

“I’m on my period.”

Jumin’s face slowly changed to worry.

“Well. Can I get you anything? What do I need to do? Do I need to bring the maid? Assistant Kang?”

“Jumin-” I started.

“Assistant Kang. I’ll call Assistant Kang.”

“What’s Jaehee going to do?” I asked, but he didn’t answer, already on the phone.

I sighed into the pillow but couldn’t help but smile at him.

He mumbled something into the phone, sounding slightly worried, back turned to me, then hung up.

“Jaehee will be here soon.”

“Jumin?”

“Yes?”

“You’re so cute when you’re worried,” I said, grinning.

He pulled the same face he did when he first came into the room, but smiled this time.

“How did the meeting go?” I said, sitting up to make room for him.

“Awfully. I have a headache.” He said, walking over to Elizabeth the 3rd’s bed, where she looked up at him and meowed. “Hello to you too.” He smiled, picking her up and sitting down with her beside me.

“Who’s the cutest Elizabeth the 3rd in the world?” Jumin said, giving her ear scratches while I rubbed her belly. She started purring, enjoying the attention Jumin and I were giving her.

“Did she eat well?” Jumin asked me.

“Of course she did,” I said, smiling at Jumin. “She ate a lot today, actually. I think we’re almost out of cat food.”

The doorbell rang.

“That must be Jaehee!” I said.

Jumin opened the door, and Elizabeth the 3rd perked her head up, annoyed at the attention no longer being on her. “Hello, Assistant Kang. Come in.”

“Jaehee! You look exhausted. Has Jumin been working you overtime?”

“No. We had a meeting with the corporate executives of Honey Buddha Chips. They had much to say,” Jaehee explained. “But that is not why I’m here.”

“Mr. Han?” Jaehee said to Jumin, sighing. “Here.” Jaehee gave him a bag, and he curiously looked into it.

“What’s in the bag?” I asked, confused.

“Mr. Han does not know what women need when they’re ovulating. He called for my assistance.”

“Thank you, Assistant Kang. You may leave.”

“Bye, Jaehee.” I waved.

“Goodbye.”

And the door closed as she handed the bag to Jumin.

I laughed, looking at him. “Really?”

“I’ve..” He paused, looking away. “Don’t tell Zen and Seven, but I’ve never had a.. companion before.”

I looked at him, confused. How has someone like him, albeit the cold exterior, never had a girlfriend before? I hugged him, and despite being surprised at first, he hugged back, stroking the back of my head.

“Tell me if you need anything else.” He smiled, sitting back down and stroking Elizabeth the 3rd as I unpacked the bag.

Inside was a hot water bottle, some chocolate, and a fluffy blanket.

The doorbell rang again.

“I’ll get it. Would you mind filling this up with hot water?” I said, giving him the hot water bottle.”

I opened the door. There stood a man dressed in fancy clothes with a bow tie on, with something behind his back.

“Hello?”

“Who is it?” Jumin asked, coming behind me.

“Oh. Just in time. Thank you.” He said, and the fancily-dressed man presented Jumin with a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

You felt flustered. You had told Jumin multiple times not to spend much money on you.

“.. Do you like them?” He asked, smiling.

“Of course I do.” You smiled, trying not to get too emotional, and hugged him tightly. He closed the door and gave you the bouquet to put in the vase.

“You prepared this?” You said, now unable to help from getting a little teary- eyed.

“Please don’t cry.” He said, face falling. “I.. I can take them back if you don’t like them.”

“No, it’s not that. The flowers are perfect.”

“What is it, then?” He said gently, tilting your face to look at him.

“It just means a lot to me, that’s all.” Nobody had ever given you flowers before. Especially for no reason. And he even found out your favourite flower.

After you put the flowers in the vase, you both sat back down next to Elizabeth the 3rd, and cuddled as she laid on your lap next to the hot water bottle.

You both watched a film (of your choice, of course- Jumin was scared of putting even the slightest foot wrong.)

You offered him chocolate, and he declined, saying it was too high in calories- although you could swear that you saw him put a chocolate wrapper beside him at some point during the film- and fell asleep on the sofa.

Jumin was the happiest he had been in a long, long time, and you were grateful that you are able to know him.

[supermiraculousladybug]

The Disturbing Dark Truth about Cat Noir.

Cat Noir is the loveable dorky flirtatious jokester from Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir who loves to flirt with Ladybug and making her laugh by using jokes and puns but is he really a jokester or is he using jokes and puns as a coping mechanism to escape the abuse , neglect , cruel and harsh world he's born in? But whatever it is it's obvious that everything in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is nothing but a figment of Cat Noir's imagination and is actually an abused mentally unstable boy with special needs who sees the world differently than others due to having a childish-like personality and sorta kinda behavior.

Family Life Income.

Born to a prostitute with an unknown father, Cat Noir comes from a lesser fortune poor family who are struggling to make ends meet and making money. He's an complete opposite Adrien Agreste who lives a life of luxury and wealth while Cat Noir lives a life of slums and poverty but growing up in a ghetto-like town side of Paris wasn't easy it's full nothing but violence , rape , robbery , burglary , aggravated assault , total violent crimes , motor vehicle theft , total property crimes , battery , prostitution , street gang , kidnapping , sex trafficking , child trafficking , street gang violence , bribery , fraud , racketeering , drug trafficking and vandalism but it's sad to see Cat Noir grew up in a horrible neighborhood side of Paris where this "village" is one of the worse shanty town neighborhoods that evolved ghetto crimes which it gave Cat Noir paranoid trauma for life.

Clothing , home life and house.

Clothing.

Since Cat Noir grew up in the slums of Paris, his mother barely could afford clothes so she made his clothing from a left over fabric from a trash can and gave him her old clothes which surprisingly it fits him. So technically he shares clothes with his mother but it's sometimes he wears his dad's old clothes. His mother is a seamstress so it makes sense she made Cat Noir's clothes.

Home life.

Cat Noir comes from an abusive household where it's just him and his younger half brother, Connor get punished by their mother because they're both born male and look like their fathers but it's just their mother but sometimes their stepfather would beat them because he dislike their fathers and both Cat Noir and Connor look like their dads thus their stepfather abused them physically.

House.

Cat Noir lives in a small shack house that is a mixture between a cabin and a cottage that is located in a Western Shanty town, one of the worst ghetto neighborhood in Paris , France. In the Western Shanty town, they have cheaper old wireless TVs from either the 90s or 70s and have old TV show programs from 1920s-late 1990s but for cartoons from 1910s-late 1990s as well. Cat Noir and his family slept on an old abandoned dirty mattresses that are so uncomfortable to lay on and often the children (mainly Cat Noir) gets bed bug bites at night. Cat Noir and his family sat on old abandoned couch but mainly his mother get stoned and drunk on that couch.

Forced child labor.

From age 9-12, Cat Noir was forced to be a sex slave stripper against his will but he was taken out of school by forcedly "dropping out" during the 4th grade and ever since then the principle of Françoise Dupont Elementary School was and still wondering why Cat Noir wasn't at school like he's suppose to be. Then he was sold to Copycat, a pedophile neighbor who has sexual fantasies of Cat Noir and sexually abusing him but Copycat a lot of horrible things and stuff to Cat Noir

Molesting Cat Noir.

Raping Cat Noir.

Giving Cat Noir bruises , scars , chafing or bite marks and bleeding in/on his genital area.

Masturbating Cat Noir's teeny weeny peeny.

Smacking Cat Noir's bottom in sexual way.

Forcing Cat Noir to dress up as a french maid for sexual purposes.

Forcing Cat Noir to be in bed with him.

Removing Cat Noir's clothes so he can just have "fun" with him.

Turning Cat Noir from a sex slave to a house slave.

Raping Cat Noir in his sleep causing his insomnia to be worsen up badly.

Touching Cat Noir inappropriately from his whole body to his teeny weeny peeny.

Using sexual punishments on Cat Noir.

Using erotic spanking on Cat Noir's bottom for sexual purposes.

And Smacking Cat Noir's bottom as a form of sexual harassment.

Due to this harassment it causes Cat Noir to be extremely afraid of adult men because of the fear that they could sexually abused and harassed him even tho they're not gonna do it but Cat Noir was and is traumatized by this experiences it made him think they would do it without excepting it but he didn't want to be around grown men and not even his male aids he can't trust but everytime a grown men sit next to Cat Noir, he would cry because he amused they would molest him.

"Operation saving Cat Noir from a child molester"

In October of 2013, 12-year-old Marinette Dupain-Cheng was looking for the 10th and last child to be sold to a pedophile but it was no luck, until a random guy shows up to Marinette and tell her where that kid is but once she found him passed out on the floor, it turns out he's the boy that Ladybug was talking about and he was wearing a black tank crop top-like shirt and a blacker granny panties-like undergarments although he was underweight and severely malnourished. After Marinette notice the poor living conditions Cat Noir was in, she decide to take Cat Noir to the hospital immediately to get medical attention, once she and Cat Noir got to the hospital everyone knew Cat Noir was one of 10 children who were sold to pedophiles by their parents for money and were sexually abused. When Cat Noir woke up in a hospital bed, he sees Marinette and went speechless because he didn't know how to interact with people very well and Cat Noir mistaken Marinette for Ladybug because she and Ladybug looked like and because Cat Noir is insane-like crazy, he's unable to know the difference so it went like this

Cat Noir after he woke up: *seeing Marinette* Ladybug?

Marinette: no i'm not Ladybug🤔.

Cat Noir: *confused* then who are you?

Marinette: my name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, what's your name?

Cat Noir: *realizing* wait Marinette as in Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of the best baker in Paris?

Marinette: yes

Cat Noir: nice to meet you Marinette🙂😄😊.

Marinette: same here😁.

Cat Noir: well then i'm Cat Noir Athanase Blake-Kyle.

Marinette: *realizing* wait your Cat Noir? As in Cat Noir Athanase Blake-Kyle, son of a seamstress prostitute?

Cat Noir: *sigh* yes I'm the son of a hooker who steals your man for no reason😓.

Marinette: so what's with the outfit you were wearing?

Cat Noir: I work as a stripper and a sex slave😣😖😟😫.

Marinette: why?

Cat Noir: to help my mom make ends meet.

Marinette: I get it but why as a stripper or sex slave?

Cat Noir: I had no choice but to be a sex slave stripper and because my mom wanted me to work in the sex industry due to me having a material of being someone's object or toy.

Marinette: so what you're basically someone's property or something?

Cat Noir: yes i'm nothing but everyone's "favorite" little toy to "play" and have "fun" with.

Marinette: were you uncomfortable with it?

Cat Noir: honestly yes because I don't wanna hook up with someone I don't know for money.

Marinette: so you were forced to do this against your will?

Cat Noir: yes exactly that's what it is.

Cat Noir: *bursting into tears* then 3 years ago, I was 9 years old when my mom sold me to an artist for money😭.

Marinette: wait how old are you now?

Cat Noir: *stops crying and sniff* I just turn 12 not so long ago.

Marinette: i'm 12 too.

Cat Noir: wait so we're the same age then?

Marinette: yeah

Cat Noir: What a coincidence.

Marinette: We're born in the same year but just 2 months apart.

Cat Noir: What do you mean by "we're born in the same year but just 2 months apart"?

Cat Noir: When is your birthday?

Marinette: My birthday is on July 22, 2001 and yours?

Cat Noir: interesting my is on September 25, 2001.

Cat Noir: *realizing* you're right we're born 2 months apart.

Marinette: that's right

Cat Noir: What does it mean?

Marinette: it means i'm 2 months older than you and you're 2 months younger than me.

Cat Noir: make sense

Cat Noir: But I was born 2 months premature.

Marinette: What do you mean "2 months premature"?

Cat Noir: I was originally suppose to be born on November 25, 2001 but I came out 2 months premature.

Marinette: Oh so you're a preemie?

Cat Noir: yes

Cat Noir: *arms and legs starting to shake uncontrollably*

Marinette: are you okay?

Cat Noir: *arms and legs still shaking uncontrollably* yeah why?

Marinette: because why are your arms and legs shaking-like crazy?

Cat Noir: *arms and legs still shaking uncontrollably-like crazy hard* sorry I have tremors.

Marinette: Tremors?

Cat Noir: Yeah I still have tremors since birth but sometimes i'll get seizures.

Marinette: Oh that it explains while we were on our way to the hospital, your whole body and head was shaking for 3 minutes.

Marinette: *realizes while reading facts on the article called "Crack babies" on the internet* are you a crack baby or something?

Cat Noir: Crack baby?

Marinette: Yeah are you?

Cat Noir: What's a crack baby?

Marinette: A crack baby is a baby born to a crack addict mother who used crack cocaine during pregnancy.

Marinette but you're a 12-year-old boy who still have seizures and tremors.

Marinette: so I guess you're a crack kid.

Cat Noir: What's a crack kid?

Marinette: A crack kid is when a mother who smokes crack while having a kid, when the kid is born it will be a crack baby/retarded or have problems.

Marinette: So that's what you are, a crack kid because your mother smoke crack cocaine while she was carrying you in the womb.

Cat Noir: it's not the only thing have because of my mommy's neglection action.

Marinette: What do you mean?

Cat Noir: mommy is not just a drug addict but she's also an alcoholic and smoker too.

Marinette: I look at a picture of your brain and I realize your brain is small , malformed , severely damaged and is permanent damage in your brain.

Then after that Marinette took care of Cat Noir in the hospital by being a mother figure towards him with her maternal instincts because it is something Cat Noir's mother never done before since she always ignoring him and Cat Noir needed a good parental figures and guidance in his life due to having bad parents, he doesn't know better but then again Marinette knew Cat Noir has a hard time understanding other people and everything around him in general.

Cat Noir is an autistic individual who can't understand everyone's social cues very well due to lack of interaction he barely had. Cat Noir was diagnosed with Low-functioning Autism , Asperger's Syndrome and Severe Autism or Level 3 Autism since he was 5 weeks old and due to his diagnosis, he has troubles of looking people in the eye , having interacting with others , living up to everyone's expectations of him what he should or shouldn't do including Ladybug's expectation of him how he should or shouldn't act when he's in public or when it comes to Ladybug forcing him , understanding boundaries or personal space , asking people what he wants or permission or where he wants to go , understanding sarcasm , when other people's jokes or when they're joking or when others don't understand his jokes.

Is Ladybug really convinctive , manipulative and abusive towards Cat Noir?

Ladybug and Cat Noir have been friends since 3rd grade but as they got older it was Ladybug who outgrown Cat Noir because she's more mature than Cat Noir due to him being immature , childish and baby-like but one of her other friends told Ladybug she's better off with someone who's more mature not someone who's baby-like person who can't handle "big kids" stuff and she frequently prefers hanging out with mature guys than Cat Noir so she decide to avoid Cat Noir at all cost and she forced him to grow up to act his age so their so called "friendship" isn't ruined in fact she verbally abused him for not maturing and acting his age in which Ladybug would yell at him and insulting his baby-like personality. Ladybug convinced Cat Noir his imaginations are real and she does it so often that the more she convinces him, the more Cat Noir believes it but then it got to the point where Cat Noir thinks everything he believes in his imaginations are a reality. Through every episodes of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, Ladybug gets easily annoyed with Cat Noir's childish-babyish personality even tho he acts like a child or baby at times, he can't help it and be he's pressured to be "normal" , "average" and "perfect" that it's starting to stressed him out. In the New York special, Ladybug is excited to go to New York City with her classmates for French-American Friendship Week but she realizes she needs to tell Cat Noir about her absence and she gave cat plush toy with a ladybug-printed remote bottom on it but Cat Noir presses the remote button several times in excitement, making the toy in Ladybug's hand squeak and he presses the remote button again which it made Ladybug groan in annoyance. But when Cat Noir was in New York City, Ladybug was angry at him because he's suppose to be in Paris and is too insane-like crazy to come due to the risk of being put into a mental asylum or hospital.

Altho this is a big theory, it's obvious Cat Noir has a problem and why it seems unreal so I hope like it.

[kathyprior4200]

Helluva Hotel/Hazbin Boss (Parody)

HELLUVA HOTEL (PILOT) October 82, 9102

 THE PILOT IS HERE!

 Starring the incredible talents of Wat-is Dis, Irma Imp, Johnny Hazbin and Red Doe 666.

 In HELL, Imps are the lowest of the low in society, but what happens when one starts a hotel and recreation business? This happens!

 Follow Blitzo (the “o” is silent) as he pursues his seemingly impossible goal to help demons peacefully express themselves to reduce the mockery of lower class sinners…plus the exterminations of fellow demons by Exterminators and a rival Heaven group. After a yearly extermination and having his previous office set on fire, Blitzo opens a hotel complete with an office for himself. He hopes that patients will become better individuals, grow to appreciate the imps and support Blitzo’s love of musicals and murder. While most of Hell mocks his goals and dreams, his father and his fellow employee Moxxie mocks it doubly so. Moxxie’s wife, erotic dancer and test subject Millie stick by their sides. When a grumpy Hellhound entity known as “Moonlight Howl” Loona reluctantly reaches out to Blitzo to help in his endeavors, his crazy dream is given a chance to become reality.

    HAZBIN BOSS (PILOT) November 52, 9102

 THE PILOT IS HERE!

 Starring the incredible talents of Blonde Disney Princess In Inferno, SJW Aggressor Moth, Porny Horny Spider Boi, Diabolic Deer Daddy, Gambling Grumpy Cat and Maid of DisHonorly Lust.

 Follow Charlie, the princess of Hell as she attempts to run a hybrid rehabilitation/killing residence in a very competitive market and careless chaotic society. She is the head of D.E.M.O.N. (Denizens End Misery Or Not) in correlation to I.M.P. (Immediate Murder Professionals)

 She has help from her weapons specialist Vaggie, her powerhouse Angel Dust and torturer/receptionist Alastor. With the help of an ancient book obtained by one of the rich Eldritch family members, they manage to make their work possible by killing humans at the requests of their demon clients, sending them to the Magne Hotel to be tortured, redeemed or be stimulated by endless entertainment. They also attempt to survive each other while trying to keep their business afloat.

 But a rival company exists as well in correlation to C.H.E.R.U.B (Cherish Human Existence Revive U Back): A.N.G.E.L. (All Nobody’s Get Extended Life) a.k.a. they reincarnate people so they have a chance to life their human lives, worship God, and not have to endure the forced rehab program.

   The scene opened up with “Red Doe 666 Presents…” as shadow curtains opened…

 Against a white background designed with eyes, a shadowy figure of Blitzo was seen riding a horse with horns and a spiked tail.

 Blitzo was heard singing:

 “Here I am…this is me.

There’s nowhere else in Hell I’d rather be

Here I am…what am I to do?

I hope someday I can make my dreams come true

It’s a new world, it’s a new start

Alive with the screaming and the fresh hearts

It’s a new day, it’s a new plan

And it’s waiting for me

Here I am”

 A shadowy pentagram glowed and the camera moved down, showing shadowy figures of humans being killed by the three imps with weapons.

A shadow figure of Blitzo looked up at the princess and Lucifer, his face downcast. He wished for a better life, but Lucifer looked down on him as common dirt. Blitzo then turned to the right and encountered a silhouette of his father and mother. Blitzo appeared to try and reason with them, but they both pointed in the other direction. Blitzo sadly turned around, his parents not listening to him.

 The city spun within a glowing white pentagram as white angels holding spears surrounded it. Imp City appeared to be burning as shadows of other denizens turned their backs on it.

 “Why have I always been a failure?

What can they reason be?

Why don’t they see they can’t take me?

Why don’t they know I long to be free?”

 Blitzo stood small and downcast under a towering horned silhouette of his imp father, Donner, yellow critical eyes glowing. Black tendrils made the screen go black. A spinning globe appeared with white eyes blinking at it. Silhouettes of Exterminators later posed with swords and bloodstained bodies around them. Each of them had an x over their right eyes and creepy grins on their faces.

 The next scenes showed Imp City in disrepair, weapons and bodies littering the streets. The Pentagram moon stood out in the crimson sky. Homeless demons sat in despair under ripped cardboard boxes, with “Satan Bless,” signs around them. One old store read: “Tricksters and Trades,” another said “Pimp Imps: Strip Club.” The most prominent building was metallic with black and white stripped horns extending out for decoration.

 Blitzo slowly walked out from the building onto a balcony. He leaned on a railing, briefly brushing his hand against his face. He was wearing his usual tattered navy blue work suit with orange pink buttons and a red undershirt with a pink straw pin with a face on it. He was also wearing silver cowboy boots.

 Blitzo picked up a trumpet and blew a bugle sound, the notes echoing throughout the area, signaling that it was safe for the other imps to come out. The imps opened their windows and peered out from behind alleyways. Blitzo stared at his phone and the clock tower in the live video on it read “365 days until next cleanse.”

 The title then appeared: “Welcome to the Helluva Hotel.”

 A car barreled through an open portal and ran over a poor imp before screeching to a stop. A red imp with wild black hair stepped out, a bloodstained knife sheathed at her side.

 “Wow that was some kill, thank for the backup sweetie,” said a male imp, Crosser. Both of them had just finished killing their target via a runaway chase. Crosser had dreamed of crossing over to the human world, and had wanted to run the human man over after the man had killed one of his sinner friends.

 Millie shut the door, wearing her usual black tank top, torn black pants and black collar around her neck. Her horns were shirt and black with small white stripes on them.

 “Yeah, listen, I don’t want to let word out that I’ve been helping random clients with unusual requests for their targets. It was just a quick cash grab, you got it?”

 She smiled with large doe eyes.

 “Whatever you say, slut,” Crosser remarked with a laugh that followed.

 “Wow how rude can you be?” she exclaimed. She leaned in dangerously close. “Let me know who you find something better to call me, you scrawny runty pack of bird shit. Tell the boys at the club I said hi.” She blew him a kiss before stepping back. He grumbled and drove away before his car crashed with a sideways flip.

 Millie strolled along the sidewalk and grabbed someone else’s stick of rotten candy.

 “Hey!” the imp yelled as Millie ran off with a giggle. “You snooze you lose, sucker!”

 She couldn’t wait to tell Blitzo of her successful day.

   Later, Moxxie and Stolas were busy helping Blitzo prepare for his big speech. Moxxie was straightening up his navy blue jacket, while Stolas was massaging his horns. They were in Stolas’ room and the meeting would take place in front of the palace.

 “Do you remember what to say, sir?” Moxxie asked Blitzo.

 Blitzo smiled and stood up straight. “Yes, let’s do this!”

 Stolas smiled as well, wiggling his eyebrows. “Just look at me if you’re nervous.”

 “Come on guys, I know what to say!” Blitzo exclaimed. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

 He randomly played with bobble-heads of Moxxie and Millie before tossing them aside. Then he gasped, getting an idea.

 “What if I…”

 “Sing a song about it?” Moxxie asked with a huff of annoyance.

 “Exactly Moxxie! Now you’re starting to get the hang of things around here!”

 Stolas playfully poked Blitzo’s face, while Blitzo and Moxxie responded with grimaces.

 “Please don’t sing,” Moxxie chided to his boss. “This is serious.”

 “Well you know…” Blitzo said, climbing on top of Stolas’ dresser, knocking things down, “I do find I’m better at expressing my goals through song!”

 “Blitzy, stop knocking over my belongings!” Stolas puffed up his feathers in anger.

 Moxxie glared at Blitzo as he walked over. “Life isn’t a musical, sir. Even if it were, yours would be so atrocious, not even Vox would allow it on that unwatched channel!”

 “Then I’ll just have to use more of your salaries to release a better jingle,” Blitzo responded with a glare and sneer. He reached over for his plastic cup of iced coffee and downed several gulps of the light brown and white liquid. He sighed in content after he finished. Stolas made a disgusted face as some splashes of the drink spilled onto the floor.

 “I’d be more than happy to watch it,” Stolas replied to him. “In fact, I could watch you all day in any form…”

 “Oh please,” Blitzo scoffed at Stolas. “Get over that one time thing already. My credibility is at risk of being lost here!”

 Moxxie folded his arms and opened his mouth in frustration. “Your credibility? What about I.M.P.? You’re just making it look like a fucking joke!” He took a breath and pinched his nose briefly. “We are still a company, even if…things have changed a bit…”

 None of them could forget when someone “accidentally” set their office on fire, and had to start over with several tasks.

 Blitzo grinned and pulled out a piece of paper. “Oh, I have these other ideas of what to say. The highlighted bits are the best parts.”

 Moxxie took the paper, and scanned it in disbelief. “It’s all highlighted. Are these drawings?”

 “Yep!” Blitzo affirmed, pointing to the paper. On it were several drawings of horses of different sizes, colored in with brown, gray, white and black crayons. The drawings looked like those that a child would do. Beside the horses were several names labeled for each one: Thumbtack, Bottlecap, Stapler, Live Wire and Toothpick. The list read: I.M.P. History, Why Blitz Is The Best, Jingle Suggestions, and Ending Song. At the bottom was a crude drawing of Blitzo on a stage, dancing with Moxxie, Millie, and Loona as dead humans with xs on their eyes and tongues out piled up around them. Nearby, imps and demons tossed them money and flowers.

 Blitzo’s eyes were shining in wonder. “See! That’s the ultimate goal! Everyone’s happy and appreciating us. And we still get to kill to our hearts’ content.”  

 “It’s not that simple, sir!” Moxxie groaned with a face-palm. “Just follow the talking points we went over.” He grabbed hold of Blitzo’s collar. “And Do. Not. Sing.”

 “Whatever,” Blitzo said as he shoved Moxxie off him. “If not that, then I can always do my improv skills.”

 Blitzo saluted and walked out of the room, while the others followed. They were soon outside the palace near a round table where several owls had tea one time. There was a camera crew and several imps taking pictures. Blitzo took his seat in a chair, while Stolas stood regally nearby. Millie grinned and gave Blitzo a thumbs up. Loona slouched in a chair and shot avatars of Moxxie and Husk in an app game on her phone.

 “Hi I’m Blitzo,” said the imp to a wealthy demon with white tentacle hair, gray-green skin and a pink dress with fur and matching heels. Her gray skinned brother wore a green suit and a green top hat decorated with living yellow eyes and teeth around the brim.

 “Helsa Von Eldritch,” she deadpanned. “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you but that’d be a lie. You can put your hand away. I don’t touch imps and sinners. I have standards.”

 Blitzo withdrew his hand. “How’s that working out for you, Hel?”

 “Be glad that I’m letting you live after you so rudely forgot to address me as Lady Helsa Von Eldritch,” She fluffed her hair. “My time is money and no one really wants you here. You’re only here because Charlie forgot to show up for Hell’s Royal Vogue fashion segment. One that features me as the favorite, obviously.”

 Nearby were magazines that showed Sevaithan, Helsa, Octavia and Charlie wearing fancy clothing while their faces were obscured under wide brimmed hats. Seviathan wore his usual green top hat with eyes on it and fancy green suit. Octavia wore a dress of black, Helsa’s was pink and Charlie’s was apple red in the pictures.

 “But…” Blitzo began, before Helsa cut him off.

  “So don’t get cocky with me clown or I’ll fucking strangle you.” She bared her sharp teeth as Blitzo silently gulped. Helsa sat down in her seat, painting her sharp nails.

 “And I thought that bratty kid was a piece of shit,” Blitzo thought to himself.

 Blitzo spotted Stolas’ daughter Octavia with her mother sitting in high throne-like chairs at an adjacent table.

 “How’s it going, Via?” Blitzo called.

 “Good until you showed up,” she replied in a British accent.

 “Oh!” Stolas added. “We should all go on a family trip to Loo Loo Land sometime! I’ll bring some balloons and popcorn if you want.”

 “That place reeks of corporate shame,” Octavia scoffed in her seat. “It’s just a rip off of Loo Loo World, anyway. Besides, I would much rather hang out with Helsa than die of embarrassment again.”

 “So…you friends with her or not?” Blitzo asked in confusion.

 Octavia rolled her eyes and retorted. “You and my father still a thing?”

 “Blitzo,” warned the white owl queen Melodia, mentioning to the waiting crew.

Blitzo took his seat near Helsa and Seviathan, the two wealthy Eldritch siblings.

 “Right,” Blitzo said, straightening his clothes and looking at the cameras.

 “Hi, I’m Blitzo, the “o” is silent and I’m the founder of I.M.P. Are you a piece of…”

 Moxxie shook his head and mouthed, “Not an ad.”

 “…shit.”

 Blitzo took a deep breath, his smile fading a little. “As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. Hell is my home and…”

 A stray feather floated in front of Blitzo’s nose, causing the imp to sneeze.

 “…some you are my clients, so I suppose I should try to be more concerned about you. We just went through another Extermination.”

 Millie gave him two thumbs up.

 Blitzo continued. “We’ve lost so many souls, including homeless people, and it breaks my heart to see other imps and hellhounds being slaughtered every year. Same goes for sinners. I mean, they brought it on themselves mostly, but then again, if there were no demons around, then there would be no business for me to run.”

 Sudden anger sparked in his golden eyes. “In our society, imps are not even given a chance!”

 He pounded his fist on the table, spilling his coffee drink all over his jacket. He swore and tried to lick some of it off. Stolas arrived and quickly wiped the stains off as much as he could. Blitzo brushed the owl prince away before continuing.

 “Imps are the lowest of the low? Why is that? Because we’re somehow poorer than sinners? We’re lesser in numbers so imps and hellhounds can be called to service by random strangers anytime they wish? How are imps somehow lower than sinners, who are supposedly lower than the elite hellborn? I mean, imps are born in Hell…shouldn’t we get the proper treatment we deserve? I’m the founder of the most well-known company in Imp City, along with access to the human world, no less! That should definitely count for something! I cannot stand idly by while the place I live is subject to such judgement and death.”

 Blitzo continued… “So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a better way to hinder ignorance, and in my case, hinder the lower ratings for my company? Isn’t there a more alternative way to change clients and souls through…recreation? Well I think yes, and that is what my project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m expanding on my company and making…a conjoint hotel to encourage self-expression and I.M.P. appreciation!”

 Blitzo spread out his arms at the table. He then muttered nervously at the confused faces. “You know…cause when demons learn to appreciate us more and be somewhat nicer…we won’t have to worry about those blasted Cherubs or the angels coming after us…”

 “Angels?” laughed an imp as he watched Blitzo on TV. “Is that imp for real? Oh he’s nuts!”

 Blitzo went on…”and those who come and cheer for me at my musicals will receive a 15% discount the next time they need my gang to kill people! Yay!”

 “Stupid clown,” mocked an imp before Millie punched the cameraman right in the face, sending him off the stool.

 Blitzo looked around in concern. “Look, I know that each and every one of you has something good inside you. I know you do.”

 Then he smirked, getting an idea. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

 He mentioned to his black haired imp sisters Tilla and Barbie Wire, who suddenly walked in view of the camera, wearing black and pink circus outfits.

 Moxxie face-palmed with an “oh no.”

 Blitzo began his song while standing on the table…

 “I have a dream, I’m here to tell

About a wonderful new I.M.P. hotel

Yes it’s one of a kind

Right here in Hell

Catering to bloodthirsty clientele”

 Blitzo’s sisters provided harmonizing vocals.

 “When you want somebody gone

And you don’t wanna wait too long

Call the Immediate Murder Professionals

Your vengeance gone wrong?

Are you looking for a song?

At my new hotel, we won’t do you wrong

 I.M.P. just wait and see

Embrace you inner demons and live free

But we expect, to treat us with respect

Or we’ll have to break your neck

 Yes it’s hard to learn to be good

But to escape stressful lives, you know you would

Give us some green and don’t be mean

This’ll be greatest show you’ve ever seeeeeen!

 Don’t feel blue

We provide service to you

There’s no room for inner strife

When we could have a better life

 There will be no more loss

And there will be no more schemes

Just horsey-horse nuzzles and iced coffee dreams

And traveling a better way

You’ll be like “Yay!”

Once you check in with meeee

 We do or job so well

Cause we come straight up from Hell

We make your troubles go away

And you can find a place to stay

Via the Immediate Murder Professionals

Kids die for Freeeee!”

 Blitzo and his sisters ended with poses on the table.

 One demon with one eye said “Wow! That was shit!”

 Everyone except Blitzo, Tilla, Barbie Wire, Moxxie, Loona, Millie, and Stolas burst into laughter. Blitzo buried his face in his hands on the table, while Millie fired her gun at the crew. Moxxie booed at Blitzo.

 Helsa Von Eldrich sneered at the imp, her brother next to her.

 “What in the Nine Circles of Hell makes you think people would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this experiment even works. You want people to be good and pay attention to your measly company just…because?”

 “Well,” Blitzo argued, “I have an employee already who’s dedicated to my cause.”

 “And who might that be?”

 “Oh just someone named…Millie. Oh and we also have a new guest coming as well…Mimzy!”

 Seviathan glanced over and asked, “The flapper girl?” He had previously dated Charlie but would occasionally mess and flirt with sinner girls to mess with them. Mimzy’s fame had appealed to him.

 “You fucking would, Sevia!” Helsa bared her teeth. “Anyway, I bet that girl wouldn’t bat an eye to your company unless you had a million souls.”

 “Admit it, Blitzo,” added Sevia. “You and your gang of imps are dead to us and to Hell. How does it feel being a total failure?”

 The sibling snobs cackled at a hurt Blitzo.

 “Yeah, well how does it feel that your ex loves a sinner over you, huh? Bastard bitch?!”

 Sevia and Blitzo managed to yell and land a few punches before they were forcefully separated via Stolas’ bird guards. The meeting ended abruptly on the spot. Blitzo and his companions felt dejected on their way back to the office. Stolas had generously given Blitzo some money to add another connecting hotel building with rows of rooms, a stage and a bar.

 The three imps arrived at their building and after filling out some paperwork, they met in a lobby of the separate building. There were pictures along the walls of the I.M.P. members. Blitzo posing with his sisters after performing at a circus. Blitzo holding a puppy Loona lovingly. Moxxie and Millie in wedding attire, the couple gazing lovingly at each other. Millie and Moxxie sitting with a large Apple mascot for Loo Loo Land, Moxxie crying in fear and discomfort.

 Millie walked over to the fridge and pulled out a box of popsicles. She happily sucked and ate a black raspberry one.

 “You know you might as well get more food for this place,” Millie mentioned to Blitzo. “To feed all the wayward souls in this place.” She giggled and added, “I can help organize the car wash while you search the fridge for spoiled butter!”

 Blitzo just sat dejectedly on a wooden crate of booze. Millie considered comforting him, but Moxxie gave her a look and shook his head. Millie sighed and followed her husband to let Blitzo be alone. Blitzo stepped outside and called a familiar person on his hell phone. The label read “Stolas, a.k.a. One Night Stand Bird Dick.”

 “Hey Stolas, it’s me.”

 “Hello Blitzy, how may I entertain you tonight?”

 “No you really don’t have to.”

 “Perhaps a show that can make up for today’s broadcast?”

 “Yeah about that, I…don’t think I’m making a difference. I mean, I’m lucky to be alive after the Extermination but, everyone thought my plan was stupid.”

 “Perhaps unusual,” Stolas mentioned. “Redeeming and trying to change demons is like trying to freeze Hell’s fires. It’s just not possible.”

 “Not that I want to do it completely…but if things keep going wrong, I’ll lose my company and maybe even my families’ lives from those in Heaven.”

 Stolas squawked with laughter. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of those flying cherubs and sheep?”

“Fuck that! Those dancing revivers are annoying pieces of shit trying to interfere with my hard work.”

 “How about this way, C.H.E.R.U.B. or whatever those things are, revive humans so you have more humans to kill later on!”

 “But having to kill the same people again and again? How boring is that! I.M.P. needs more variety, less repetition. Thumbtack, my horse, agrees.”

 “Didn’t you tell me about how you killed that bratty kid twice?”

 “It was Moxxie and then me but that’s not the point. If this company goes out of business, then I’ll never get the chance to live my musical theater dreams.”

 “Don’t be sad, Blitzy,” said Stolas. “You have your associates and you also have me. I’ll make sure no one messes around with you.”

 “I think my dad was…right about me…”

 “You’re no failure Blitzy. He can hardly call himself a father to you. And if he ever tries to make you lonely and bring you down because of your goals…”

 Stolas then ranted on with a series of curses and a lot of cringe-worthy sentences. Blitzo laughed nervously.

 “If this is your way of trying to get into bed then I ain’t having it.”

 “No, not this time.”

 “Okay then. Thanks for the advice.”

 “Anytime.”

 “Good bye.”

 Blitzo hung up by tapping on the phone screen. He wiped tears from his eyes as he headed back inside. He leaned against the door, eyes closed, frustrated and fatigued.  

  Just then, he heard a knock on the door. One loud knock that made it sound like someone had decided to punch the door. A smile grew on Blitzo’s face as he opened the door.

 There stood Loona in her usual gray tank top with a black downward pentagram design below her neck. Her pants with a moon on it wore torn and she wore no shoes. Her eyes flared red, her red tongue just visible among her sharp teeth.

 Blitzo beamed. “Loo…”

 Loona slammed the door hard. Blitzo opened it.

 “…ny!”

 Loona slammed it again.

 Blitzo eagerly turned to Moxxie. “Hey Moxxie!”

“What?!” asked the agitated imp.

 “Loony is at the door!”

 “What?!” Moxxie asked. “Oh?” asked Millie.

 Blitzo was cheered up. “What should I do?”

 “Don’t let her in!” Moxxie spat.

 Blitzo waltzed right to the door and opened it.

 “May I rant now?” asked the hellhound.

 “You may,” Blitzo responded.

 Loona stomped inside. “The nerve of you guys to just leave me behind like that. I mean, did you want me to sit through another segment of royalty bitching about their outfits. When my punk clothing is superior anyway. Man Blitzo, I haven’t seen anything so embarrassing since you decided to give me spiders and sleep with that privileged asshole. Heh, you were kinda pathetic.”

 She had her sharp black claws out, and her breath smelled of alcohol.

 Moxxie pointed a gun at her. “Stop right there! I know that look and I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone else here, you lunatic emo meth addicted bitch!”

 Loona just lowered the gun with her fingers. “If I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would’ve done so already.”

 She growled and bared her fangs. “Ya know, I came because…I was thinking of helping.”

 Blitzo looked confused. “Say what?”

 “I wanna help you run this place. Why not, nothing else to do.” She scoffed. “Though Blitzo, your plans are ridiculous as always.”

 “Why do you still have her around?” Moxxie shook his head. “She hardly answers the bone phone and has skipped work too many times to count!”

 “Don’t talk about her like that, she’s fine. Sometimes she has what some people would call…ruff days.”

 Loona flipped the bird before searching the fridge. “Any avocado salads here?”

 “No. I already ate mine early thanks to you eating mine last time.”

 “Nobody claimed it and besides, people like you don’t need lunch.”

 “Hey!”

 “Alright,” said Blitzo. “I’ll be happy to have you help. Just…don’t fly off the handle or get into any trouble.”

 “Fair enough, whatever.”

 The hellhound looked around. “Any hotel visitors around here?”

 Millie mentioned to a chubby short blonde haired woman reading a magazine and humming a tune. “Just Mimzy.”

 “You’re never fully dressed without a smile,” she sang.

 “Meh. Not enough. Hey Millie, any extra things you can do?”

 Millie grinned. I can snuggle you and give you kisses.”

 “Ha! No.”

 “Your loss.”

 Loona sighed. “Hang on, I’ll be right back. I can sniff you a few people who might be helpful.

 About fifteen minutes later, she came holding a squirming blue anglerfish demon in her paw. He was wearing a gray lab coat, yellow goggles and a hanging light from his small top hat.

 “This little amphibian is Baxter,” Lonna said, dropping him.

 “I-I’m Baxter,” the fish stammered. “That mutt over there just tracked me down, right when I was about to gather my ingredients for my next p-project. It’s a top secret formula that I m-must complete.” He raced around to grab more beakers, vials and a burner nearby. “It’s been a w-while since I’ve seen new people. And I don’t want to see any more. No, no, no, stay back! Back off I say!” He pointed a white shrink ray at anyone who came too close.  “If you’ll e-excuse me, I must get back to work!”

 Several moments later, not too far from headquarters, a white and red hellhound was strolling along listening to rock music on 90s headphones.  “Why am I even here?” she thought. “I can’t believe that I’m stuck in this vast scary place.” Music and a tough front hid the insecurity underneath. She received a tap on the shoulder.

 “The hell? The fuck is this?�� She turned around and spotted Loona. “You!” she broke into a large toothed grin. She wore black leather, metal rings on her pointed ears and a spiked collar. Her shirt was pink red with a white skull on it. Porn magazines lined her pockets.

 “Crymini,” Loona greeted, hiding a small smile.

 “So glad to see you again, Loona,” Crymini replied. “Anything on your mind? What shall we do? Go for a drink? Vandalize a building after a smoke? Or we could chew on some bones of demons…they’re my favorite snack!”

 “I wish,” Loona rolled her eyes at the more hyper hound. “I feel somewhat obligated to help Blitzo and company recruit more people to help promote I.M.P.”

 “I think I saw commercials of it,” Crymini mentioned. “That imp killing company?”

 Loona nodded.

 “Wait…you work there too?”

“Pretty much. A receptionist. Filled to the brim with paperwork, calling clients and annoying fellow employees.”

 “Your condition still there?” Crymini asked.

 “Syphilis can go fuck itself.”

 “I wish it would for your sake and mine as well.”

 “One wouldn’t say being in a rock band is much easier, but it’s still pretty fun.”

 “I’ve seen you play guitar and sing. Pretty good I must say.”

 “Thanks! I’ll be performing at a concert later this week. Will you be there?”

 “Sure,” she replied with a shrug.

 “Let’s go to your headquarters then!”

 Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Stolas, Mimzy, Baxter and Crymini were soon together at the building.

 “Anyone want some booze and fresh meat?” Loona asked.

 Everyone nodded in agreement.  

 Not too far away, concealed in bushes, a figure was watching them with orange eyes. Roo, the kangaroo Australian demon. She had white skin, wild aburn hair and wore orange. A large wide brimmed dark hat concealed her face in shadow. A parasitic creature slithered from her mouth, its body covered with white spikes and eyes.

  She bared her sharp teeth, blood and liquid dropping from her mouth. One thought emitted from her head, the parasite in sync with her thoughts.

 “Feast.”

[immiebee]

“What are you doing with that majestic creature! It’s clearly distressed!”

Lactarius fumes as she jumped out of the estate carriage, Valerius following suit behind her as she stormed up the cobblestone walk way to one of the neighboring estates. They were on their way to the Palace when a scene at the Scallion Estate had her jumping out.

The Scallion’s were known among nobility for their experience in the battlefield. They were one of the few noble family’s that had no issues sending their own into battle or to help Vesuvia better itself. Which is why Lactarius was so enraged. She respected them to the point of loyalty, only making her rage turn to heartbreak when she saw a large tiger being lead up their steps in chains and smacked in the haunches with metal prods.

The witch finally making her way to the base of the stairs were the tiger was laying down panting and hissing at every tug of the chains or swat. Tearing the prod away from one of the ‘tamers’ she pointed it up the stairs, locking her eyes onto the Head of House.

“What in the hell are you doing, Firran!? I thought you and your family were better than the others. I trusted you dammit!” Tears brimming around her blue eyes as Valerius tip toed his way around the irate beast and annoyed men.

Firran’s grey eyes cooly peering down before ushering the pair inside. “Believe me, Lactarius I don’t wish to do it. But it is tradition in my family to have a portrait commissioned every ten years.” Leading then down the main hall, family portraits large and small hung. Each one show casing a number of “fearsome” beasts. Lions, bears, hyenas, one even with a tank full of vampire eels were posing among the family.

“It has always been a staple of our family. War bred and conquering men and beast alike.” Sighing the red head pinched his brow. “And unfortunately my family looks forward to it so getting rid of it all together is out of the question.”

As Lactarius and Valerius stood in the middle of the large hallway looking over each painting, the sounds of cheers and laughter from a sitting room ran out. Pursing her lips Lactarius looked to the sitting room then to the open doors were the men were trying to coral the tiger into the mansion.

Tugging on Firran’s robe Lactarius turned pleading, “What if I come up with a compromise? Will you let them take the creature back.”

The older man gave a quizzical smirk, “Lets hear it, witch.”

“You tell them to take the tiger back and I will sit in the portrait. How many people can say they have their portrait with a manticore. And when time gets close to having another portrait done I will make a potion that any human can drink and it will shapeshift them into the animal of your desire for a few hours.” Determination fueling her, “That way no other creature has to suffer for the amusement of nobility. Plus the benefit of the potion for you would be the ‘animal’ can understand what pose you want for the portrait without smacking and abusing them.”

“My, my.......you are a crafty little witch. I wonder why no other magician has thought of that before.” Grinning Firran waved at the pair, “It’s a deal! I will tell the men to be on their way. Consul I’m afraid your plans for the day will be ruined.”

Valerius gave a wave of his hand as he turned heel to leave, “Not ruined. Although I will have to explain to the Countess why the Court Magician is not at the meeting.” Smirking he looked back. “I don’t think she will be terribly disappointed when I tell her why.”

A short while later Lactarius laid on the rug in her manticore form in front of the two large cabriole seats. The Scallion family was known for being blessed with many children so the amount of seating wasn’t an exaggeration. She knew Firran and his wife had four children of their own, but who knows how many his two brothers had in their family. The sounds of feet and squeals from children had her peeking up waiting for the insanity of portrait day.

“Now children remember; don’t scream, don’t run, no sudden movements. This is a wild animal.” The painter’s nasally whimpers filling the hallway as he opened the door to reveal the relaxing manticore.

~Yes children, I don’t know if my poor heart can handle your boisterous squeals.~

“LACTARIUS!!!!!!!”

Soon she was under a pile of squealing, laughing children and pre-teens as the adults stood in the doorway confused as Firran explained their compromise. Lactarius rolling over on her back when one of Firran’s brothers let their toddler down to join the older children in the chaos. The little girl falling face first into Lactarius’ chocolate mane before slapping the manticore’s face in excitement. Gumming the child’s finger while the adults gathered up the children, “Ouch! No! Bite bad, kitty!” Lactarius dramatically bellowed as the toddler babbled and hugged her like a large plush cat.

It was nearly nightfall by the time the painter was finishing the last touches to the portrait. Lactarius had been to focused on staying still despite having the children hanging off her throughout the day, she wasn’t aware of Valerius standing off to the side watching her interact with the family. When she was finally allowed to stand and stretch she gave a low rumbled groan as her legs popped and snapped.

As the maids called for dinner she was soon used as a personal carriage by the children. Walking around the large table stopping at each child’s seat before bidding the family good evening.

Firran and Valerius standing in the hallway as she shifted back, “Thank you, Lactarius for all you have done today.”

“You are very welcome, Firran. I enjoyed it. Well minus the sitting still part.”

Bidding the family farewell Lactarius and Valerius made their way back home in the carriage. Leaning over to place a kiss on her temple Valerius brushed her hair away from her face watching her slouch in exhaustion. Giving a small chuckle Valerius let her sprawl out on the seat and across his lap.

Peeking an eye open she gave a small exhausted smile, “One or two.”

“Pardon?”

“One or two is all your getting from me, my love.” Lactarius nuzzled into his lap, “Eleven kids is too much for me to handle.”

Realization finally donned on him. Barking a rare throaty laughter Valerius ruffled her hair in sympathy. “One or two is fine by me.”

[manic-pixie-dream-squirrel]

525 Cranberry Lane, Fleetwood

Few queers, I imagine, would willingly answer a Craigslist ad for a basement apartment in the mountains of Jeffersonville, NC––but here we were: driving our harassed Toyota Camry up the steep gravel drive of Cranberry Lane. Neither Mandy nor I could have fully anticipated our landlady, Joyce–– but we had an inkling of her chaotic energy soon after our first phone call. During what should have been a five-minute phone call to schedule an appointment, this sixty-something mountain grandma glossed right over my explanation that we were a queer couple and proceeded to tell me about her brother (on the other side of the holler) who tried to cheat her out of her inheritance, about her youngest daughter who’d married a decent but distant man (making a slapshot living digging up ginkgo biloba root in her woods), about her eldest daughter (who also lived on the property with her two kids and their golden lab), and about a fraught relationship with her middle-daughter (who sometimes helped her clean houses but who no longer lived with Joyce because she “simply will not stay on her meds”). We left the call with a Saturday afternoon appointment and few other details about the place, other than the fact that Cranberry Lane is easy to miss, unless you keep an eye out for the row of six mailboxes that doot the foot of the drive. 

The road dead-ends into a freshly built country mansion with a wrap-around porch, surrounded by matching bungalows on all sides. Both my wife and I expected a petite, affluent lady who owned a cleaning service and a handful of rentals. Neither of us, I don’t think, expected the plump befreckled woman, towering over us at six-feet tall––whose dull gray roots peppered through a long since abandoned strawberry blonde dye job. Turns out we’d arrived at the property just minutes after Joyce, who had returned from a Saturday morning cleaning–– a shop vac and piles of cleaning supplies poured from her open Honda Civic hatchback onto the gravel driveway. 

Abandoning her hatchback and its contents, Joyce took us around the back of her house, kicked off her ruddy Asics at the front door, and keyed into a dark two-bedroom apartment. She’d barely crossed the threshold when her juvenile golden doodle, Doc, muscled past us into the basement apartment, leaving a trail of mud and twigs in his wake. Joyce had given up on wrangling the dog and, instead, ushered us from room to room at breakneck speed–– then stopped, suddenly in the RV-style kitchen to sermonize on septic-safe cleaning products. We watched red splotches spread across her face and neck as she decried previous renters, who “cost her thousands of dollars” by failing to notify her when the sump pump failed after a storm. “Pardon my saying so but there was... shit all over the yard. Feces everywhere.” 

And, with that, Joyce abruptly exited the apartment and began a wide-stride walking tour of her rental compound. Waving off the odd tenant as we passed, Joyce spun a story of a struggling single woman, whose husband left her right at “the change of life,” and who pulled herself up by her bootstraps with frugality (and, it seems, the hundreds of thousands of dollars it took to build a small housing complex on a remote mountain holler). All tenants must similarly value frugality, she explained, as all residents split the heating, water, electric, and internet bills. “I keep the thermostat at 68 degrees in the winter–– wear layers.” At that, Joyce abruptly returned to her husband (the catalyst for said frugality), who “had the gall to bring that woman into our home” this past Thanksgiving. Yes, ten years had passed, “but did he ever consider how his daughters would feel––no!” Standing on the hillside garden patch, our eyes darted to each other (and to our car), not thirty feet away. Surely, this tour had neared its end. Alas, no.

Joyce insisted that we also see the inside of her home (with its stacks of canned goods lining the walls, its pile of rolled up carpets in the entry, its two salt-water fish tanks in the living room, and its smell of cat urine and rotting compost). Offering us glasses of Crystal Lite and then quickly forgetting them in favor of a story about her “new truck driver beau,” Joyce began rifling through a kitchen cupboard filled not with drinking glasses but with stacks of lose paper. “My contracts,” she says, calling over her shoulder. Then, without ever checking our references or gauging our interest in the apartment, she retrieved her bifocals from behind a countertop compost bin, took a blue Bic from a coffee mug, and began to fill in our names onto a photocopied rental agreement–– taking this opportunity to share warn of the $525 penalty for breaking the year-long contract. 

And this, dear reader, is how, without a word in edgewise, my wife and I found ourselves renting from a millionaire maid, whose penchant for hoarding had (by the time we broke the lease seven months later) expanded to include a flock of fifty-odd, free-range chickens who shit with reckless abandon on the property grounds. The month before we notified her of our intention to break the lease, we discovered that the flock also included several sets of chicks, sitting under a heat lamp in her master bathroom tub.

[atopearth]

Chrono Trigger Part 1 - A Colourful World of Different Ages

As someone who has played Chrono Cross but not Chrono Trigger, I’m curious to see why it’s so beloved haha, right now it just makes me think of Dragon Ball all the time (because of the character designs). But, I’m really liking the soundtrack and atmosphere though, it really has that nostalgic homey feel that I love about JRPGs in the past. Lmao at the maid in the Mayor’s house, she tells you that you can help yourself to all the treasure chests in this house as if it’s a treasure trove and there’s only two chests!! Lady, don’t get my hopes up! Umm, I went to the fair where Lucca is showcasing her new invention or something and I think I just ate the old man’s lunch!! LOL, I’m sorry old man. I might have to restart just because I feel bad eating it. Is Marle a princess btw? Anyway, lmao at the Biggs and Wedge in the horror house lolll. Ohhh I guess this is how the two games are similar? They both have a pendant that causes them to kinda be transported somewhere else? It’s really cool of Crono to chase after Marle when she disappeared though! I mean, who knows where she went! At least it’s not the fault of Lucca’s invention lol, since it worked properly when Crono was on it without the necklace haha. I assume that this is the past when there was a war going on and this Queen Leene that the people are saying have been found is probably Marle? Oh wait, 600 AD? It’s 400 years ago! HAHAHA omg the little green/blue Piccolo monster can ride on the ball monster hahahaha how cute. Anyway, as expected, we’re going to have to find the real queen, since if she dies, Marle/Princess Nadia isn’t going to exist~ Dunno why Marle keeps disappearing though! On another note, Lucca sure came here fast and found Crono in no time lol!

Damn, monster nuns?! Awww! A frog guy to the rescue!! HAHAHA Frog has a skill called slurp that licks a party member and heals their HP hahahaha. I guess the reason why Marle “disappeared” and came back was because Queen Leene’s life was in danger, so Marle’s existence was questioned. Lmao at everyone in the castle now saying that yeah Marle couldn’t have been Leene after all since she ate so much and had no manners🤣🤣 I feel sorry for Frog but I can understand why he blames himself, he was the Queen’s knight and yet she got captured by Yakra… At least he saved her! Lucca is pretty amazing to be able to make a gate key to keep the gate there for them to go back to their time. She’s not dodgy at her inventions at all! Well, I didn’t expect it to go well but I didn’t think bringing Marle back to the castle would make her father etc think Crono was a kidnapper. Well, it’s just the dodgy Chancellor mainly but still. Lmao at the trial, like I’m sorry I picked up Marle’s pendant before caring about her lmao, she was already standing dude! Yes, I’m such a terrible person LOL. Anyway, apparently helping the girl find her cat was enough to make Crono a good enough guy lol. I guess not eating grandpa’s lunch really helped my case too HAHAHA. Not that it matters since the Chancellor still wants to execute Crono! I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to let Crono keep his weapons whilst in jail though lmao. LMAO at the piece of paper detailing the weaknesses of the tank boss, “as long as no crazy lunatic starts hacking at it with a sword, it should be invincible” hahahaha. I love how Lucca always comes to save the day though, she’s so cool haha. Hahahah I love how the dragon tank explodes on the bridge and the Chancellor and mechanics are then used as the broken part of the bridge for you to cross (since they’re all holding on to their dear lives) hahaha. It was pretty reckless of them to all run and jump into a Gate though, like who knows where it goes?!

It’s kinda saddening that these people (in 1999 AD/destroyed future?) seem to be at the mercy of their own technology that they developed, especially when Doan said they were atop food storage but they can’t access it because the robots are protecting it. Imagine starving on top of a pile of food… Ohh wow, so 1999 AD the day of Lavos is when Lavos appeared from underground around the world and destroyed it all? I was so nervous about losing to Johnny in the race across the ruins but lmaoo it doesn’t even matter! It’s not that far! And I have to go back into the ruins to get a chest anyway loll. Omgg Robo is such a cutie! It was so saddening when his “friends” called him a defect (since Lucca fixed him and he’s not a normal robot following the functions of killing intruders) and thrashed him! Even I had trouble dealing with them though, way too many robots lol. Anyway, we really gotta appreciate how amazing Lucca is to be able to fix future machinery like dang. Now we have a new friend too! 

Omg the End of Time? It looks pretty much like the Bend of Time in Chrono Cross, it’s kinda cool how funky these things are haha. Wow, for a second, I was wondering whether 1000 AD was actually their home world and time hahaha, it was so different, I was confused! But it seems that in the underworld or whatever that’s where the fiends are living, and they hate the humans and wished that the Magus who created the Lavos killed all the humans 400 years ago? Hmm I wonder why they didn’t kill them all back then and instead decided to kill the humans around 1999 AD? I wonder if talking to Magus or stopping him from creating the Lavos will solve things… Wow, I can’t believe the war here seems to be speeding up really fast! I wonder who is the hero? On the other hand, I never realised the Commander and chef in the castle were brothers! It’s kinda cute how they’re both rough around the edges being stubborn about how their respective teams are more exhausted etc but in the end, they understand how difficult a time it is and will always help each other out. Didn’t think the king himself nearly fought to his death though, how reckless! Lmao at spiced jerky being the rations that the soldiers needed hahahaha.

Lmao at the Freelancer monster (that looks like a bird), it legit throws rocks at you hahahaha. LMAO at the sheep looking guy that says mountains are so nice, I legit kept talking to him because I felt that there must be a reason for him to be here and lolll if you annoy him enough times he gives you a magic capsule hahahah! I nearly died when he said “you’re not gonna leave me alone huh” LOL. Well, I didn’t expect to find Masamune on a random mountain! They’re so cute separated as two little kids though, yet so ugly in their combined monster form lmaoo. Well, it was to be expected that the real hero was actually Frog, but to think he has the hilt for Masamune! I feel like he feels he’s undeserving to be the hero not just because he wasn’t able to protect the Queen properly though hmmm. Dang, Ayla gets a cool introduction! Didn’t expect her to come from 65,000,000 BC though when I first saw her in the opening. Honestly though, it felt as if Crono fell in love with her at first sight haha! Anyway, it’s kinda cool to come all the way here for the Dreamstone (to fix the Masamune), it kinda reminds me of Chrono Cross when they had to go to Another World for hydra stuff since it was extinct in their own world. Glenn huh? Anyway, didn’t expect Magus to be a good looking guy! Well, he’s a bunch of pixels but I think he’s good looking! Lol!

I can see why Frog was so adamant on not going along with Crono and them before. He was Glenn, the guy who went along with Cyrus (the Captain of the castle who everyone admired, and even the King and Queen relied on him very much and still speak about him) to defeat Magus, but in the end, Cyrus sacrificed his life to protect Glenn so he could survive and retreat, yet in the end, Magus just turned him into a frog because of the “coward” he was. Not only that, but Cyrus’ last words asked of Frog to protect the queen and them, and yet the queen was kidnapped in the beginning of the story. So you can really see why he would feel so unworthy of being the hero that will save this land. But now that the weapon Cyrus wielded has been fixed (Masamune) and there are new companions enlisting for his help, I think it’s about time Frog stopped blaming himself! It’s time to show Magus that he’s not a coward! It was pretty cool to see Frog slash a mountain in half, like dang, I guess Cyrus was right to say Frog was stronger than him, he just never had the confidence since he was always stunted by his fear. Well, Ozzie is pretty annoying with his traps lmao, kinda childish at the same time though hahaha! I guess it was expected that Magus only summoned Lavos and didn’t create them since they’re beings that have stayed under the planet(?) consuming power etc to become as strong as they are to end up destroying the world in the future.

Crono and them riding the Dactyl to the reptite castle was cool haha! I feel sad for Kino that he doesn’t get to fight alongside them though, especially since he’s aware that he’s not as strong as Crono and Ayla. Lmaooo at Nizbel complaining about Crono and them walking past him even though he was flexing his muscles and showing them that they needed to defeat him before they can get to Azala hahahah. Hmm, Lavos creates these time gates? 12,000 BC time!

For now, I’m really enjoying Chrono Trigger more than I thought I would! I’ve always averted from time travel stories because I never really found them too interesting, but I really love how the idea is implemented in this, like, it’s literally fun! Not only do you get to see how different the different eras are, but I think the monsters, the people and everything is just so detailed and interesting. Like, it’s hard to forget the NPCs and stuff because they all have such personality, like whether it be the chef and the commander in the castle, the monsters playing ball with each other, and just everyone you encounter along the journey really shows how colourful the world is and how interesting it is to explore it all. The graphics may not be the best considering how old it is, but I think they’re so cute. I kinda wish Crono actually talked or nodded and stuff a bit more, but I guess it’s okay since the rest of the characters talk haha. Honestly though, I think the charm of the game is definitely in the aspect of adventuring in time and how different everything is, yet also how enjoyable it is. And you kinda get a side dose of we need to save the world from Lavos, so it has the typical JRPG feel to it as well haha. Combat is also pretty interesting! Not too hard as well so that’s great, but I really love the dual techs where two characters cooperate to do one skill, I just love watching all the different combinations!

[harrietvane]

do you mind talking about why you dislike Love Actually and Richard Curtis's romcoms? I've seen you mention it in some of your tags and I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

Long post, so scroll now, ye who care not.

OK, so like better voices than mine have articulated Why Love Actually Sucks Balls, but you were kind enough to ask for my view, so strap in I’m gonna talk about Jane Eyre, and the 1990’s Fran Drescher sitcom The Nanny also. It’s coming up on western civilisations’ holiday season, so why not, it’s a good time to tell this movie to choke, because it’s about to be repeatedly thrust upon us once again. (Disclaimer: I acknowledge Richard Curtis is responsible for Blackadder and Vicar of Dibley, so whatever else, we’re still cool on that basis. But I have spite and to spare, so there’s plenty to go around).

My main beef is actually the context. Technically, if all of the below bullshit was in an offbeat movie from any other movie market (I’m thinking maybe a French, or Spanish movie from the 90′s boom, Almodovar style?), the focus would probably be a black humour take on ‘Lord What Fools These Mortals Be!’, sort of look at the inherent ridiculousness of mankind, and how we get in our own way, blah blah, might have been cute. I’d buy that. This movie? A british movie for the american market? It’s sold with a big holiday sticker on it saying ‘ROMANCE’, and specifically ‘ADORABLE ASPIRATIONAL ROMANCE THAT YOU SHOULD ADORE AND ASPIRE TO’. Also the context *inside* the movie itself (through a narration voiceover no less) is that all of these narratives is somehow proof that ‘Love, Actually is all around’, and specifically in a good, wholesome, happy way, overall at least. These stories are redeeming, even if they’re not all happy, they’re Good™ or whatever. The context outside the movie is the same: british TV advertising, hard copy packaging, holiday specials, outdoor gala screenings: they all say over and over: THIS IS SQUISHY HOT PINK NEON LOVE, wholesome, healing, and healthy. You should want this, aspire to this, think this is the cat’s pyjamas! It’s a wide and varied look at the beautiful power of love from all angles, comic, tragic, the lot. 

Is it fuck. The ‘positive’ romance stories range from Stage-5 Creeper to Crotch Puppet Afterthought, the ‘melancholy’, thwarted romance stories seem to say ‘if you’re a woman who’s not readily/immediately bangable to your allocated straight dude, romance is over for you I’m afraid’. Let’s recap, shall we:

Much has already been said about Andrew Lincoln’s character BLANTANTLY SHARKING ON HIS BEST MATE’S WIFE being uhhh, less than fresh. I don’t even feel like I need to justify this one, it’s so over-the-top. The main point is that movie itself maintains this as a tragic, swoony, thwarted, heart-string-tugging missed connection, rather than The Worst Friend Ever (meaning: it assumes we’ll be 100% onboard with Keira Knightley skipping secretly away from Chiwetel Eijiofor to grant his best mate one treasured kiss, as opposed to saying ‘what the FUCK Mark, why are you telling me this, this is super inappropriate?? and my only wedding video is just you zooming in on my face? Pls get help’.

We all love National Treasure Colin Firth and all, but like is Love, Actually fixating on a woman who literally can’t speak to you? Has said nothing understandable to you? About whose own life you’ve never yet, and could never have asked about? Whose main interactions with you have been to wordlessly clean your room, bring you food, and tidy it away after? Your ideal woman, who you meet immediately following a break up, is one who silently meets all your domestic needs, while making zero emotional or intellectual demands on you whatsoever? WOW, SHOCKER. (Oh but it’s cute or whatever, they have him propose, and there’s a mix up when her sister appears, but she’s Ugly™, so it’s funny that the sister is not getting romance. I mean, how could she, an uggo?? Classic joke. Good times.)

The Prime Minster and his tea lady: more on Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink below, whoo boy.

Laura Linney would really really like to sleep with Rodrigo Santoro, and god bless her who wouldn’t, but she is tragically unable to, because she has family commitments as being the sister – not even fulltime carer, just RELATED TO -  a brother living with disability. Sorry folks, romance is OFF THE CARDS, FOREVER for Laura here. How can she??? That’s the nature of love, actually. Can you have sex right now this moment? No? Whelp, sorry, thanks for playing, back to the Tragic Assisted Living facility for you. Gosh it’s unfortunate that’s a truth universally acknowledged that any whiff of disability = no romance for you ever. (Don’t start me on 4 Weddings* [edit: *it’s totally Notting Hill, not 4 Weddings, thank] and how that husband is like The Best because he continues to love his wife even though her legs don’t work. What a champ, honestly, do they have an award for that?) I have to stop now before I get sarcasm poisoning, but my eyes will continue to roll.

How could I say anything bad about the Liam Neeson widower and his adorable lovestruck son storyine? Lol, I’m gonna. Have you seen the Buffy episode The Zeppo? Xander is convinced the only way girls (as a concept, not in the specific) will like him enough to sleep with him is if he has A Thing. The Thing is posited as ‘being cool’ by having an object or skill that alone will be the magic bullet to romance. Musical instrument prowess is considered, and he ends up just getting a car to be his Thing. This just seems like a redux of that logic. This kid could get some genuine direction from the movie to get to know this girl, learn her interests and share his, see if she likes him as a person by being A PERSON, but the narrative just backs away from that and eventually DOES just say ‘play the drums in the show, she’ll like you’ and that’s …it. But it’s cool, teenagers don’t learn key interpersonal dynamics at this age or anything, she kisses him for some reason, whatever. (Bonus points for gifting his dad with a literal supermodel as a punchline, after making that an actual joke earlier about the shallow nature of attraction, and love is about filling a one-sided need.)

I could go on, but I have very little to say about Freeman falling for a girl whose tits he’s been holding for a week, the no-homo pop star Nighy plot, or the guy that goes and has sex in Wisconsin with Bond Girls, and can’t be bothered, which leads me to…

Richard Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink. Must I kinkshame Richard Curtis in his own home?? Nope, I’m kinkshaming him AT WORK in his narratives, surrounded by his nubile, pliant, adorable female employee characters. Oh Mr Curtis, I seem to have dropped a pencil!

OK, so like a M/F Domestic Servitude romance is an extremely old trope, and extremely common, and I’m not here to tear that up, because done well it’s amazing, lot of petrol in that King Cophetua narrative tank. I’m a fan. The most famous in-context historical example being Jane Eyre, for instance: he’s her boss, she’s his paid subordinate, they’re both 100% aware of that. It’s a great way to explore the real-life class and power dynamics of these 2 train wrecks of human beings, and they vomit their ridiculous drama llama feelings all over a 600 page novel. Super fun, they’re both awful humans, I love them. Mid-century you might have The Sound of Music, and in more modern times you get 1990s sitcom The Nanny, both extremely well-developed romances involving paid employees, and part of their value is that the shows KNOW THIS. They’re aware it’s the basis for their dynamic, that they have to directly play with that, and develop beyond to go anywhere. Watching Fran Fine in her runway-fresh Moschino minidresses jump on Maxwell Sheffield’s desk for the 800th time making him super uncomfortable (and not a little turned on) is always such a treat. It’s right out there on the label. The problem with Love, Actually, is Curtis doesn’t want to admit that naughty secretary seems to be a cornerstone of what gets him going, romantic-stylez. 

One (1) time in the movie would be ‘sure, why not’. Literally the highest political office in the land, making overtures to the woman who brings him tea, i guess might be a bit off, but let’s say it’s done well, and maybe Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon’s charisma gets us over the line (his behaviour is cute because her last man didn’t like her body, but the prime minister DOES like her body! so it’s cute!). Whatever, seen worse. Two (2) times however is making a point, and Colin Firth is driving his silent portuguese maid home - not a french maid but so close! - and deciding he’d like her to bring him tea and clean his toilet for as long as they both shall live, and that also seems to be her greatest joy. Ah, l’amour. OK, I guess you like the thing, everyone has a thing, but at least you’re done now. Wait, you mean there’s a third (3rd) one? Everyone’s Fave Alan Rickman drives the plot of his own marriage’s tragic romance because he’s having stiffening feelings about his own Naughty Secretary halloween costume, after all. All the beautiful speeches about Joni Mitchell give Thompson some nice things to do, but it still assumes the Nature of Romance is to want to plough the help. A man can’t help it! It’s how romantic attraction works! Once would be whatever. Three times and there’s a tag on Ao3 for that, so please just scratch that itch and stop selling it to me in a heartwarming christmas movie as the Universal Nature Of Romance, so varied, so vast, the full spectrum! Just 2 hours to tell a story: but 3 whole narratives and 7 actors devoted to the variants on the naughty maid story. My point is be upfront about it and I’d be all for it - pretend it’s not A Thing You’re Doing and my creep-meter goes ping. Steven Shainberg’s ‘Secretary’ has a scene where the boss literally puts a saddle on his employee, and I find it to be one of the most genuinely moving romances I’ve ever seen. Love Actually makes me feel like Curtis is sending me a ‘u up?’ late night text about his secretary fantasy.

Anyway, I fucking hate this film, and not necessarily because of the content, but because of the context. The movie tells me to love it as aspirational romance. My culture tells me to love it as aspirational romance. Everyone tells me to love it as a varied and full exploration of reasons to get up in the morning, because it’s an aspirational romance. It makes me want to claw my own face off.

[conceptstage]

A Marriage of Convenience {Chapter Fourteen}

Beau woke up to find Yasha’s face staring down at her. She grinned. “Am I in heaven?”

“Oh, that’s cute,” said a voice that caused her to frown. “You think you’re getting into heaven.”

She groaned. “Fuck you, Molly. Where am I?” She looked around and found that they hadn’t moved It was well passed noon now if she was looking at the sun correctly. She groaned as she moved her sit up, her muscles screaming at her and head still pounding. “Did I pass out?” Yasha was beside her, ready to catch her if she couldn’t hold herself up.

“Yes, about an hour ago. Jester wanted to wait until you woke up to figure out what you wanted to do.”

Beau looked around to find Jester and found her and Nott a few yards away discussing their preferred sandwiches. She didn’t even seem to realize that Beau had woken up. “Do about what?”

“About you,” Caleb said, speaking up behind her. “Beau… you’re out of the boundary.”

“Oh shit…” In all the chaos it hadn’t occurred to her.

She back to look at Caleb to find him pointedly avoiding her eyes.

“Beau?” Jester looked over and realized that she was sitting up. “Are you feeling better? Mr. Clay and I ran out of spells, we could couldn’t heal everything. Are you still hurt?”

“I’m fine Jes. Thanks. Caleb,” she turned back to him and he looked up at her. “Will you take someone to the gate and relight the candles?”

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but Jester spoke first. “What? Beau… You’re free.”

“I know. And now I know that there are people I can trust with my freedom. This spell was made to keep me isolated but it didn’t work. Now I have at least two people who would take the risk of blowing the candles out for me for the first time in my life. It’s not a prison when I have the key. I can’t leave yet but when I’m ready I’m leaving on my own terms. Let’s go back. For now.”

Caleb was woken the following morning but a knock on the door and a cheery voice calling his name. “Mr. Widogast!”

He groaned and shuffled out of bed, still sore and tired from the hectic day before. He paused to throw the blanket over Nott’s sleeping body. He opened the door and saw the last person that he expected. He cleared his throat and reached up to shake out his hair. “Madam Lionett! This is a… surprise. What can I do for you this morning?”

Georgina gave him a look over and visibly suppressed a frown. “Good morning, Mr. Widogast. I have the flower arrangers coming in after breakfast this morning and I wanted to make sure you knew where to go. Did Beauregard tell you?”

“Ah, no. Are we all looking at flower arrangements for the wedding?” Not ideal, but if Beau was there it wouldn’t be so bad.

“No, of course not, Darling. Beau’s working with her father today, getting more into the business like you encouraged her. It’s just us and the flowers today. Come down to breakfast if you would.”

“Will Sir Lionett be joining us?”

“Unfortunately no. That breakfast a few days ago when he joined us was an anomaly. No, he spends weeks at a time in that office. He’s got a cot in there and he has his meals delivered,” she paused and sighed. “Don’t get me started. Join us when you’re ready.”

He watched her until she was gone and then shuffled over to Beau’s room in his house slippers. He knocked furiously on the door. “Beau,” he hissed. “Beau, what the fuck did you get me into?”

The door opened and Mollymauk smirked at him from the threshold, leaning against the door frame. “Mr. Caleb. You look adorably sleep ruffled. Are those cats on your pants?”

“Yes. I like cats. I have a cat. Where is Beau?”

Molly looked over his shoulder. “Hiding from you.”

“I’m not hiding!” called a voice from inside.

Caleb perched on his tiptoes to look over Molly’s shoulder. “Beauregard! Why am I hanging out with your mother all day? Why did she say I encouraged you to work with your father? Beauregard!”

“Ah,” Molly interjected. “That was my fault perhaps. She sacrificed you for me and Yasha, so that we could get jobs here.”

Beau slipped under Molly’s arm. “You think I’m happy about this? My dad got me an office. An office! I’m supposed to put on nice clothes and go sit at a desk all day.”

“I feel no sympathy for you. You got yourself into that.”

“Well, I needed to get close to the business so I can send info to you know who for you know what.”

“Who? What?”

Beau rolled her eyes. “The entleman-Gay for aughter’s-Day inery-Way.”

Caleb sighed and pushed his frizzy morning curls out of his face. “We need like, a code word. If I send a maid or someone up to your office with a code word I need you to come save me. You can do the same if- I don’t know, if your legs atrophy or whatever it is that you’re worried about desks for.”

“Hey, don’t patronize me. Just go change or whatever. If my mother sees you out of your room wearing PJs she will kick you out of this house so fast your head will spin.” He started to walk away but she called out to him. “Hey, what safeword do you want to use?”

One of the servants happened to be walking by and gave them a weird look but Caleb just gave her an awkward smile and waited for her to pass by. “Something we can work into a sentence so it’s not obvious.”

“So, I assume that ‘Save me from your demon-spawn mother’ is not it?”

“No, I think not.”

“Coat,” Molly suggested. “If you need saving send a servant with the message that you want Beau to bring you your coat.”

Caleb waved. “That will work. I’ll see you all later, I suppose? There’s no way I’m getting through this entire day without using the code word.” He started to walk away and Beau turned to Molly with a raised eyebrow.

“Coat?”

“What’s wrong with it? You need something you won’t scream during sex accidentally.”

“Ew.” She pushed him out of the doorway and back into her room, shutting the door and then walking back towards her bed where she had several outfits laid out.

“Oh, don’t act like you aren’t intrigued by the idea.”

“With you? Fuck no.”

“Not with me, egh,” he visibly shivered in disgust. “I can tell by looking at you that whatever team you’re playing on won’t include me.”

“Just tell me which outfit looks less stupid.”

“They all look equally stupid. Look at what I wear, why did you come to me for this? The best I can do for you is to tell you to wear whatever the fuck you want and act like you have every right to be there.”

“Even for a meeting with important people?” She asked. She bit her lip and looked over the stuffy gray dresses her mother had bought for her.

“Especially for a meeting with important people.”

Beau looked down at what she’s wearing now, a simple blue tank top with loose, baggy pants and no shoes. She smirks and starts for the door. “Let’s go tear this motherfucker down.”

“Atta girl.”

She marched through the halls with Molly sauntering along behind her. She usually only went to the South Wing when she was in trouble, so the simple act of marching up the stairs made her heart start beating faster. She cleared her throat and narrowed her eyes and pushed herself forward. There was a man in a gray suit standing outside her father’s office. He looked up when she got near and frowned at her, looking her up and down.

“Beauregard? I’m Franklin Kastoc, I’m your father’s personal assistant.”

Beau stopped in front of him and crossed her arms over her chest. “This is Mollymauk. He’s my personal assistant.”

Franklin cleared his throat and nodded. “I was asked to show you to your new office space. There is a closet there, if you’d like to hang up your garments after you change.”

“I’m not changing. These are my clothes.”

He blinked and laughed in shock. “You can’t wear that.”

She grinned and moved passed him. “You gonna stop me? Show me my office.”

Franklin scrambled to catch up, pointing to a door two rooms down from her father’s office. “It-It’s right there. But you can’t go into the meeting wearing-”

Mollymauk grinned and put a hand on his shoulder. “She’s got it from here, gorgeous. Bye bye.”

Beau paused outside the door as Franklin walked away and raised an eyebrow. “Do you just flirt with everyone?” she asked, jiggling the door of her office when it got stuck.

Molly leaned against the wall and grinned. “I only flirt with beautiful people. So yes, I flirt with everyone.”

She sneered. “God, that was cheesy. I thought you had a crush on Caleb.”

He didn’t reveal anything on his face. “What makes you say that?”

“The look on your face when you saw him outside my door in his goddamn cat PJs. I don’t know much about romance, but I know an ‘oh shit’ look when I see it.” The door gave way and she cheered. “Woo! Alright, we’re in business.” Beau opened the door and frowned at room. “Well, this place sucks,” she said, looking over the bare walls and the wooden desk across from her.

“It’s only temporary,” Molly assured her, frowning as he ran a finger over one of the empty bookshelf shelves. His finger came away covered in dust and he sneered. “Ick. No you’re right, this sucks.”

Beau threw open the window behind the desk and took a deep breath of the fresh air. “This is for Caleb and Jester,” she said. “And it’s only temporary.” She turned to Molly. “Personal Assistant! What’s on my schedule for today?”

He cleared his throat and pulled out a notepad from a pocket of his coat with a flourish. “You have a meeting with your father and the board of the company in an hour. You’re going on a tour of the winery after lunch. Wait, how are you doing that if you can’t leave, I thought there was a boundary whats-it.”

“The main winery is inside the boundary, on the other side of the lot as the springs.”

Molly nodded and continued. “Well, after lunch you’re doing that. Then at eight you, Caleb, Nott, and I are gonna get soused to high heaven.”

“Can’t we do that part right now?”

He pulled a silver flask out of another pocket and tossed it to her. “I’m getting good at this assistant thing.”

Beau caught it out of the air and sighed as she flicked it open. “You certainly are.” She took a swig. She tossed it back to him and he took a drink as well, just as there was a knock on the door. “Come in already,” she called, leaning back against the desk.

The door opened and Franklin was standing on the other side with his arms full of papers. “These are from your father. He wants you to be familiar with these in time for the meeting.”

Beau grimaced but took the papers from him. It would take her days to actually read all of these. “Great. Thanks, now leave.” Franklin left as Beau sat the papers down on her desk and took a deep breath. “Well,” she mumbled, taking a seat in the stiff wooden chair. “I better get started.”

“You’re actually gonna do what your father wants you to do? Beauregard, I’m disappointed.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m looking for info I can give to… we really need to come up with a code name for him, I can’t be running around here just saying his name out loud.”

“I’ll work on it. Am I just supposed to stand around and wait for you to give me orders?”

“I don’t think you’re capable of something like that. Go… do whatever you want. Just be back in time for the meeting.”

“I’m sure I can find something to keep myself busy.” And he left the room with a grin.

Beau read through papers for the next hour and then stood up and stepped out of the office with several papers held carelessly in her fist, locking door behind her. “Molly!” she called, looking up and down the hall. “Molly? Hey, Fucker!”

A door across the hallway swung open and Molly stepped out into the hall with his coat draped off his arm. His shirt was lopsided and the top three buttons were undone. He was flushed and grinning, running his fingers through his hair to fix it. “Time for the meeting?”

Beau raised an eyebrow and tried to subtly lean over to see into the room. She couldn’t see who else was in there. “Were you with someone?”

“Oh absolutely. Shall we?” He waved his hand ahead of them and put his other hand on the small of her back to try and push her forward. She looked over her shoulder just in time to see Franklin’s head peek out from the open threshold before the door slammed shut.

“Franklin? Really?” she asked, smirking.

“Yes, Franklin. He was… surprisingly open minded.”

“Fix your shit, if you look happy in any way my father will fire you.”

Molly chuckled and started fixing his shirt, then pulled his coat over his shoulders. “You worried about little ol’ me?”

“I went through a lot to get you here. If you get fired on your first day, I screwed Caleb over for no reason. Not that I need a reason to screw with Caleb, but no one deserves to spend time with my mother, not even him.”

“Oh, just admit it, you like me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just take note of anything you find interesting,” she said. “Even if you think it doesn’t mean anything, if it catches your attention write it down,” she said and then pushed open the door to the boardroom.

The room was longer than it was wide with a giant ass window at the end that looked out on the vineyard in the distance. The vineyard wasn’t on the estate so she had never been but she always liked looking at it. The room was mostly full of men in robes already, only her father was missing. Every eye turned to her and she grinned waving her fingers at them teasingly as she made her way over to an empty seat next to the one that was obviously reserved for her father. The other men were all standing beside their chairs, waiting for the boss to arrive, but she threw herself into her chair and leaned her elbows on the table. Molly followed along behind her and took a seat in a chair against the wall behind her. One of the other assistants looked at him out of the corner of her eye and he winked. She frowned and looked away snootily.

The men started speaking quietly in the room once more, trying to keep them from hearing. They failed and Beau was able to pick up most of the conversations but they were mostly about her clothes so she really didn’t care. It was a few minutes before her father entered the room. He looked different in a boardroom than he did in the residence. The times that she had seen him in the dining room or the library or in the yard he had looked stoic, even a little angry at times. In his well pressed blue robes with his salt & pepper hair slicked back… he looked almost dangerous. His eyes instantly snapped to her and it took every ounce of rebellion in her blood not to look away when their eyes met. He didn’t speak and just walked around her side of the table. He paused behind her and reached up to squeeze her shoulder.

“We’ll speak later,” he said quietly.

She looked over her shoulder to meet his eyes once more. “I know.”

He let her go and continued to his chair, shifting his robes and then taking a seat in his chair. The others moved to sit as well after he was seated. He cleared his throat and spread out several sheets of paper in front of him. “Let’s begin.”

She looked back at Molly and he had a confused and concerned look on his face. ‘What?’ she mouthed. He opened his mouth but then quickly closed it and looked away, flicking his eyes over to her father and frowning.

[rdmfavcpls]

The Marked Ones - Chapter 2

Title: Marked Ones

Category: Digimon/Death Mark/Shiin

Rating: M

Pairing: Ami/Arata

Summary: Ami finds out the secret that Arata has kept from them on the same day that she gathers her courage to let him know how strong her feelings for him are. Arata tries to clean up the mess, but when Ami vanishes without a trace, he sets off to find her. The big question is when did he get this mark to appear on his arm?

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Digimon or to Shiin/Death Mark.

Author’s Note: Death Mark is such a good visual novel horror game. I am obsessed with it so why not take one of my very top OTP and combine it with this game. Also, I know the games are in two different time frames but there will be an explanation in later chapters over why that reason is.

Chapter 1: http://rdmfavcpls.tumblr.com/post/183076223617/the-marked-ones-chapter-1-the-birth-of-the-mark

~~Story Begins~~

Chapter 2 - It’s Not Over

Yashiki sighed into his coffee cup, the steam moved with the air from the disappointed sigh. He moved his other hand to take off his frameless rectangular glasses which left the world blurry to his brown eyes. He sat the glasses down on top of a book that laid opened on the table.

“Another dead end,” Yashiki said to the empty room. “Why do I have a feeling that I’m overlooking something? Something that is important?”

Knock, Knock

Knocks on the front door broke the silence that reigns in the house. Yashiki stood up and placed his glasses back on his face. He ran his fingers through his black wavy hair as he made his way to the door.

When he entered the entranceway that served as a grand hallway, the tick-tock of the antique clock was dimmed by the constant knocking. He placed a hand on the brown wooden railing and made his way down the stairs. He passed by two red sofas and he took a glance at one of them. The sense of loneliness and an ache in his heart grew.

However, he never did feel a sense of urgency or desperation.

“Mister,” a young girl’s voice said from outside the front door. “Are you home?”

Suzu, Yashiki thought and a smile grew on his lips.

He opened the front door and saw a young female with long black hair and mature brown eyes. She wore a white hoodie jacket over her middle-school outfit. She wasn’t alone nor was her companion the one who he thought it would be.

“Who's your friend?” Yashiki said. Something about the female was making Yashiki body tremble like she was about to start a new chapter on his life. One that he thought was over.

“Mister, that’s not very nice,” Suzu said. “May we come in?”

“Oh, yes. Sorry about that,” Yashiki said. Suzu walked in but the female stayed outside. “Are you going to stand here all day?”

“No,” the female said with a shake of her head. She bowed to Yashiki. “I’m sorry if my presence disturbs you. Suzu said you would be able to help me but, I don’t want to interrupt your plans.”

“If Suzu brought you here then I’ll consider you a friend,”  Yashiki said. “So, please come in.”

“Thank you,” the female said again with a bow.

~~DigiMark~~

Arata knew something was off. He just knew it and Kyoko seemed to be convinced that everything was okay. So didn’t the others, but he could understand the reason why they are denying what is in front of them.

All of them were still healing from their loss of Digimon except for Yuugo who shared Arata’s belief that something was wrong. Nokia is hiding from the truth because she doesn’t want to believe that Ami is gone again. Nokia was closest to Ami and she had such a strong bond with Omnimon, Arata was sure that if Nokia saw their fears in reality with her own eyes, she wouldn’t be Nokia anymore. Just a Nokia shell.

Yuugo confessed to Arata about Yuuko’s fears. Yuuko did regain her brother and her father at the cost of Gaimon. Ami still had a somewhat cyber-like body, but she did return to her physical body, but with Ami missing now. Yuuko feels like she is being punished since everything mostly worked in her favor.

Yuuko has been helping Yuugo with his physical activity otherwise she would help Arata investigate because they made a promise to come back together. Yuuko also still feels indebted to Ami and she hates feeling indebted even to a friend. The catch is if Ami was involved in something sketchy, her bodyguards wouldn’t let her get closer to the truth.

Yuugo, being Yuuko’s older brother,  was in the same predicament as Yuuko. He was also weaker since he was in a coma for eight years. This left everything to fall onto Arata’s shoulders.

Why was Kyoko so convinced that Ami is fine and this was normal for her? This was not like Ami and Arata knew it.  Kyoko should know it too but she seems to ignore the gut-wrenching feeling that something is wrong.

“Listen,” Kyoko said after Arata’s outburst. “Her father asked me if I knew where she was at. Apparently, they were supposed to meet for lunch the other day. I told him that I haven’t seen her for a couple of days. She’s been a runaway before and he assured me that she just ran away again. Even if she didn’t, the police wouldn’t be much help. She’s 18 and if she’s been a runaway before, they won’t look too deep into it. They are still more focused on the underground criminal ring they found a month ago so only a small fraction of the force is being focused on missing cases.”

“Her father?” Arata said.

“Yes. He seemed to be very close with Ami and told me that there was nothing to be concerned about,”  Kyoko said.

Arata nodded. “I see. I’m sorry for taking your time,” he said calmly.  He was seething on the inside and he walks out of Kuremi Detective Agency to calm down. He needed a clear mind to think and just being in the same room with Kyoko seemed to put him on edge.

Arata knew that Ami wasn’t close to her parents. Her father wasn’t in her life and her mother couldn’t stay in Japan for some reason. Her mother abandoned her in Japan.

“Whoever that man pretending to be Ami’s father is behind her sudden disappearance,” Arata said. He leaned his head back against Kyoko’s office door. “If only I knew where to search for clues.”

“This sucks!” a female voice said which caused Arata ’s eyes to focus on the group that was in front of Mirel’s old office. “Is it really too much to ask to see the grim reaper before my time?”

“Calm down, Mei,” another female said that didn’t seem to fit into the group with her cat maid outfit. “Maybe Hanayome was with another person?”

“But...but...I  need to know where an actual haunting is at,” the first girl said.

“There’s still one more telephone booth for us to try,” the only guy said. “We’ve tried the telephone booth in H City by the woods and by the park. We just need to try the telephone booth in H City by the apartments.”

“Excuse me,” Arata said getting their attention. “Who is this Hanayome person?”

~~DigiMark~~

“Have a good night, Suzu,” the newcomer said as Suzu left.

Yashiki closed the door and looked at the female. Her red hair that covered her shoulders wasn’t something Yashiki saw every day and her blue eyes were bright and full of life, but hidden in their depths was fear. Something that Yashiki was used to seeing in his companions.

The brightness of her blue eyes was welcomed after all the horrors he’s faced. Her yellow shirt was a splash of color among the mansion and the grey shoulders did little to protect the young girl from the cold air that drifted inside the mansion. Her grey skirt left some part of her legs bare and almost knee-high yellow socks with grass stains protected her feet from the cold hardwood floor.

“Suzu was determined for you to stay,”  Yashiki said.

“I’m sorry if that ruins your plans,” she said. “Oh. My name is Aiba Ami.”

“Will it be okay for me to call you Ami?”

“Yes. I’d prefer it that way,” Ami said with a smile before it vanished. “Suzu said that you’ll be able to help remove the mark before time is up.”

Dread erupted inside of Yashiki’s throat. It couldn’t be. He swallowed and his suddenly dry mouth didn’t wash the dread down. Something deep inside of him knew that this spiritual war wasn’t over. Mary’s powers were growing and he hasn’t been able to her to rest like he has with the other Mark Givers.

“Can I see it?” he asked.

She nodded.

“You’ll also need to explain all that you remember around the time you got your mark,” Yashiki said.

“I understand,” Ami said. “I do need to take my shirt off to show it to you.”

“That’s fine, just make sure to cover up,” Yashiki said. He closed his eyes and turned around to give her some privacy. He did not need to give one of his common visitors any reason to arrest him for something indecent.

How was she able to get the mark? Mary is sealed off for a few decades. I checked the seal this morning as usual. Is there another power out there? A power connected to Mary’s, perhaps? I could just - no. Suzu brought her here. I can’t let her down.

“Mr. Yashiki,” Ami said from behind him. “You can turn around. I’m wearing another shirt underneath.”

He turned around and his eyes focused on the familiar mark. It was on her chest where the heart is at. It was a dull red which he hoped was a good sign that the spirit wasn’t hinted at her location. Her yellow tank top met the bottom of the curved spiritual bite mark.

“Do you remember anything prior to your discovery of that?” Yashiki said as he looked at her.

“I do, but I wish I didn’t,” Ami said with a fake laugh. She put her yellow shirt back on.

Yashiki watched as she went over and sat on one of the steps. He followed her example and sat next to her.

“There is this man that I love,” she said. “I was in a coma for a few months because the world isn’t what it seems. Somehow, I was still able to communicate with my friends and that’s when I realized I had feelings for him. I was able to wake up from the coma and a week later I was released from the hospital. That exact same day I started to flirt with him.”

Yashiki blinked.

Does this girl have spiritual power? What does she mean by the world isn’t want it seems? Has she had some experience with the supernatural and spiritual world before?

“I never knew someone could be so dense,” Ami said with a small, dry chuckle. “Maybe he wasn’t and that’s why he told me that way.”

“What way?”

“Well, after months of ignored flirting, one of my friends told me that I have to be blunt with him over my feelings so I asked him to meet up with me. Nothing unusual as I have hung out with him before. Just the two of us.” She pushed her tears back as she finally faced reality. “We meet up and before I could muster the strength to tell him, his fiancé  introduces herself to me.”

Ami wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. Yashiki watched as her body trembled a little. It wasn’t because of the cold air that lingered in the mansion or was it from the fear of possible death that was in her future. It was from her heartbreak and it was sinking in that she was already too late.

“I could have brushed it off,” she said. “I could have congratulated them and apologized for ruining their outing. I could have been such a better friend to him in multiple ways.”

“How did you react?”

“I  looked him in the eye, even with my vision being blurry from holding back my tears, and asked him on how he could be this cruel. Before he could respond, I turned around and ran away,” she said and rubbed her eyes. “That was in Tokyo.”

“Tokyo?  How did you end up here?”

“I don’t know. I know that they still aren’t available all over, but my hair is always in a small side pony by my digivice just to keep my hair out of my eyes. It ’s not anymore. I also have a grey backpack on my back and I don’t know where that is either. I woke up from this trance or whatever you would call it. I had my hands on a rotten wood bar while standing on the edge of a well about to jump in.”

“How did you end up waking up?”

“There was a voice inside my head,” Ami said. “It sounded like one of my friends beckoning me into the well. They were saying encouraging things. Things I always dreamt of being told, but the voice didn’t match with the personality. My friend is a chicken. She’s one of those that after a night of ghost stories she’ll believe her own shadow is alive. The voice in my head told me that they’ll protect me.”

Ami let out a laugh.

“You find this funny,”  Yashiki said.

“Nokia...her voice was the one inside of my head. She’ll try to act tough,” Ami said with a kind smile. “She’ll even try to talk tough, but when it comes to being tough, she’ll have someone else fight the battle or fight alongside. It was never by herself. I’m usually the one protecting her.”

Ami looked forward and rested her head on her knees. “If you are curious, I’m not afraid of dying,”  she said. “I’m afraid of not seeing him one more time to apologize for my actions and to wish him congratulations.”

~~DigiMark~~

Arata glared at the telephone booth like it was the reason for Ami’s disappearance.

“I can’t believe this,”  Arata said as he walked towards the telephone booth. “I have this feeling that I need to find her because she’s in danger. However, I didn’t think I would resort to the occult.”

He stepped into the telephone booth and shut the door. He took in the small phone booth with the green phone and an old faded poster from the police about a case that happened five years ago.

“So, I’m supposed to stay in here and the phone should ring,” Arata said. “I know digivices are still new so cell phones are still in, but does anybody even use these anymore?”

The phone started to ring. Arata looked around and saw no one was around that could prank call him. One of the reasons why he chose the telephone booth by the forest in H City.

He picked up the phone and held it up to his ear. “Hello?”

Lips smacking greeted his ear. It was disgusting and reminded Arata of a rabid dog gnawing on a bone that still had a decent amount of meat on it.

“Did...you...see...it?” a female said in between the smacking with painful breaths.

“No,” Arata said.

“What...would...you...like…to...see...again?” the voice said.

“A friend.”

Arata waited as the smacking lips continued. He shivered as the stagnant air got colder.

“Ami...Aiba? Friend?” the voice said.

“Yes.”

Arata turned around as he heard someone tapping at the door. His eyes grew wide and pressed himself against the phone as two pale hands with blood on the palms slammed against the door’s window. A veil of yellow covered the attacker’s face,  but there was something wrong with its neck.  A yellowed wedding dress was too far down on her body to match with a yellowed fabric of the veil that grazed against the shoulders.

“Seek out the office of a private investigator,”  the voice on the phone said. Arata didn’t know when the smacking sound stopped. “Find Mashita. He’ll guide you to your friend and to someone who’ll help get rid of your Mark.”

The person on the phone hung up and the surprise guest vanished into thin air.

Arata put the phone down and let out a shaky breath. “It’ll take a lot more than that to believe in the spiritual world.” He rolled his sleeve up and on the underside of his wrist, a dull red mark was seen that looked like an animal bite. “How did she even know about this?”

[schrijverr]

A murder for your birthday! part 2

Me and my girl @noodle42child wrote this toghter. She made the Kuroo chapters I the Boktuo ones. It’s a getting together assassin AU, enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

-Bokuto POV-

On the wall hang a picture of Hayato Yuta from it sprouted red lines to personal information and a map of the house. His security was good you had to give him that.

'He has a guard at every entrance and two at his bedrooms door, the maid or butler that came by every 3 minutes and 49 seconds? A diversion. If someone thinks they guard the house and tries to take them out they'll get taken down themselves by the guards.' that is the information I give Kuroo. He nods signaling that he understood it. So I walked up and places the guards as red dods on the map. Kuroo moves in front of it sitting on the table, he brought his hand up to his lips stroking them mindlessly while deep in thought. It was kind of cute to be honest.

Kuroo was in one word cute and I know I thought that before. He was one handsome motherfucker and he knew it. He used it to his advantage when approaching targets. It was a handy skill he posed and I was weak.

I always thought I didn't stand a chance, but boy was I wrong. I asked him yesterday with a game of truth or dare, childish I suppose. That doesn't matter everyone thinks I am dumb and more the muscles of the duo. I don't care I get my information in different ways, the "childish" ways. People tend to trust me and talk to me, Kuroo is the first who didn't treat me as a caveman who doesn't understand anything. That's why I like him.

A small cough brings me back, I look up to see Kuroo looking expectedly at me. I probably look confused as he says:' Bro! Pay attention, this is important.'

'Yeah bro, sorry! What were you saying.' I reply. He sighs, but a fond smile crosses his features. 'Well as I was saying, how about we take out the butler here', he points at a place at the map, 'It’s a blind spot. And then one of us can run as the butler to the house and start taking the guards out while the other runs around taking out Hayato. What do you think?'

'Well taking down the butler is easy, but how are we going to change that fast? We can wear outfits before hand, no that would be in the way while fighting. So I think we could cross here', I too point at the map.' It's a blindspot to almost up to te house so we can come close without being seen. Then we can circle around the house, both in another direction until we meet here', I point to a new point on the map, ‘Then we are at his bedroom window, we can go in and take him out. Easy peasy.'

He nods, determination covering his features. He honestly is adorable.

Yes he is adorable, it's the truth and I will fight anyone who disagrees. Just look at him. His bedhair ruffled like always, covering his cat like eyes that can pierce right through you and then you have his muscles. I can say working out with him is a blessing and a curse. On one hand I get to see him in a tank top and shorts doing push-ups and what not, but on the other hand is it driving me crazy that I just can't touch him, it's so frustrating. And here I was zoning out yet again, because I can't stop thinking about my bro. Clearing my throat and shaking my head I focused on my surroundings. And of course was the motherfucker looking at me with a worried look on his face.

‘Are you okay bro?’ he asked. I laughed and said: ‘As good as can be. So on which day is the attack going to take place?’

His eyes saddend a bit: ‘17 november.’

‘Hey isn't that your birthday? We can't do that! We need to celebrate your birthday, you can assassinate someone in your birthday! I refuse!’ I yelled and at the last part I slammed my foot down for the dramatic effect. (I may not be dumb, but I'm still a drama queen.)

He huffed and smile a bit: ‘I know, but this is the best day. We can celebrate afterwards. Does that sound good?’

I thought for a second (you know, effect) and then I agreed. But wanting to have the last word I said: ‘You're still dumb.’

And swear I've never seen someone turn so fast as he did when I said that. In seconds I was attacked by fingers, tickling me to death. I couldn't stop laughing and begging for mercy as he pinned me down and tickled my sides. After a few minutes he stopped, we sat there on the ground trying to catch our breath. Then I suddenly realized in the compromising position we were in. I'm laying down on the ground while he straddled my hips amd pinning my hands above me. I looked in his of course fucking beautiful hazel eyes, with tiny golden specks. He looked back and we stared at each other for a second. Then he quickly scrambled of me.

A blush had crept up his cheeks and damnit he shouldn't look so cute for a 187.7 cm long grown man! I was quite disappointed when he had scrambled of. Even though he said he could love a man, he obviously didn't want to be close to me like that.

I sighed deep, put on my excited demeanor and said: ‘Come, we need to sleep, got a busy day tomorrow.’ I shooed my hands to his bedroom door.

He gave me a questioning look, but walked towards his door anyway.

‘Goodnight Bo.’

‘Yeah, you too.’

Another day I survived and didn't die from the cuteness overload that was Kuroo. God I needed to get over this.