#talking in tags again this brings me back

[earlysunshines]

we'll be alright, please try again

kim minji x fem!reader ; angst, fluff

synopsis: you and minji break it off, both emotionally and physically, each pushing the other away. but the universe has other plans, bringing you two back to square one as if you were always meant to find your way back to one another.

warnings: sixth member!reader ; arguing ; pining ; reader is canadian for the plot but it's not even that important it's just for a silly tims joke and smth more ; ugh they're so in love get away ; angsty but super fluffy + heavy pining ; a lot in one ; iffy pacing imo ; have fun with this one i rly liked writing this ; wtv else i didnt mention

a/n: guys PLEAAASSSE don’t be scared of the hook and angst tag PLSGIYS i swear it’s sweet… i swear. i was smiling throughout don’t be scared… it’s not THAT bad ANYWAYS i want timmy's so bad rn... un cafe infuse froid a la vanille si vous PLAAAIIT someone send me timbits asap

“i think we should break up.”

minji’s head snaps toward you, eyes wide, an exasperated “what?” escaping her lips.

confusion flashes across her face, and for good reason. everything has been good between you two, really good—no fighting, no tension, just the usual hustle of practice and training. you’ve both always found a way to make it work, to balance everything. so why now? why are you saying this?

you can’t bring yourself to meet her gaze, your eyes focused on some spot on the floor instead, teeth worrying your bottom lip.

“we’re both training so hard,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper. “i think we should focus on that for now.”

“but… everything is fine,” she says, a pleading note in her voice. “i don’t get it…”

truth is, you don’t want this—not at all. the idea of breaking up with her makes your chest tighten painfully. but things have gotten tougher lately, the rules stricter, your company’s expectations weighing heavily on you. being with minji would only make things harder down the line, for her and for you. you’d never want to hold her back—not her, not the person you love more than anything.

“i think it’s best for us,” you repeat, though your voice lacks conviction.

minji’s brows knit together, her eyes searching your face. “why do you get to decide this?” she argues, her voice rising slightly. “let’s just… talk it out. we can work through this, can’t we? we always work it out.”

you’ve only been together a few months, but they’ve been some of the best months of your life—of her life too, you know that. both of you are still figuring things out, still finding yourselves in the midst of all this chaos. hell, neither of you are legal adults yet, both being sixteen and clueless. but it’s minji who made you realize you’d never feel this way for anyone else, certainly not a man. she was the first girl who gave you butterflies just by smiling at you, the first whose hand you held with a racing heart, the first whose cheek you kissed, feeling your face flush with warmth.

and there’s that one memory, a core memory that replays in your mind like a favorite song—you can still feel her hands gently holding your face, the way her eyes sparkled with something pure, something deep, right before she leaned in and kissed you. your first kiss, your first everything. she’s your first love, and the thought of letting that go feels like tearing out a piece of yourself. 

tearing yourself away from her would be better for her anyway, that’s what your company insisted anyway.

“please,” minji whispers, and there’s a crack in her voice that breaks you all over again. “don’t do this.”

you swallow hard, your resolve wavering. your chest feels heavy, like you’re carrying a weight you can’t bear. but you press your lips together, fighting the urge to reach out and pull her into your arms, where she belongs.

“it’s… it’s better this way,” you say, even as everything inside you screams the opposite.

minji shakes her head slowly, a tear slipping down her cheek. “it’s not,” she insists, voice breaking. “it’s not better… not for me.”

and you know, deep down, it’s not better for you either.

“minji,” you begin, voice faltering. 

“don’t minji me,” she snaps, eyes fierce and determined. “we’re not breaking up.”

“we have to, don’t you get it?” your voice breaks, tears welling up as you stand in front of the entrance to her dorm, the one she always complained about, the one you’ve come to know so well. “how will we ever debut if we have these worries and burdens in the back of our minds?”

minji pauses, her features softening, but her gaze remains fixed on you. “you think i’m a burden?”

“n-no! no, minji, no.” you shake your head quickly, regretting your words the second they leave your mouth. “it’s not like that… my company’s been on my back, pushing me harder, and they might move me to another one. god, i feel like a pawn in chess or something. look, it’s just… it’s best we focus on our own paths right now.”

minji’s eyes search yours, hurt etched across her face. “we’ve always made time for each other before. what’s different this time? y/n, i love you.”

“we’re sixteen, minji,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “we’re young and… and stupid, and nothing in the future is promised.”

“well, i want you in mine. i would do anything to make sure you’re there in mine, anything.” she insists, her voice trembling, “even if you debut and i don’t, or the other way around—i want you there. i want you there always.” she steps closer, her hands coming up to rest on your shoulders, her touch warm and steady, even as your own resolve begins to crumble. 

her words make your neck tense, your lip quiver. you feel the tears spill over, hot against your skin. minji moves one hand to your cheek, her thumb brushing away the tears, her gaze softening as she whispers, “i love you. i love you when i’m exhausted from practice, i love you when i’m stressed over exams, i love you when we only have a few minutes together… i love you every moment of every day. i can’t… i can’t let you go.”

you shake your head, your breath coming out in short, uneven gasps as you pull away from her touch. minji’s brows knit together, her eyes filled with concern as she watches you crumble, sees you bury your face in your hands. you take a shaky breath, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand.

“i’m sorry, minji,” you choke out, your voice heavy with emotion. “i love you, but we can’t… we can’t do this. i don’t want to talk about it anymore. you don’t need me in your life. i—” your breath hitches, your heart clenching painfully in your chest. you wonder if it’s worth it, if sacrificing what you have with her is really the way to achieve your dreams. “i don’t need you in mine right now,” you finish, your voice cracking, every word cutting through you. “we should focus on our own things.”

minji stares at you, her eyes searching yours, her heart breaking, the words slowly sinking in. a tear slips down her cheek, and she doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

you take a step back, your vision blurred with tears. “i’m sorry, minji… i’m doing this for us—for you.”

you turn away, your chest tight, and as you walk away, the sound of minji’s quiet sobs echoes in your ears, each one tearing at your heart a little more. but you don’t look back. you can’t. not now, not when every step away from her feels like losing a part of yourself.

—

it’s been a year. one long, agonizing year since you last spoke to minji. a year spent fighting the urge to look through the hidden folder on your phone filled with photos of the two of you, each image a reminder of what you lost. you’ve stopped crying every night—first every week, then every month. but the guilt, the sorrow of losing her, the love of your life, still clings to you like a shadow.

you’ve thrown yourself into training, harder than ever. it stopped being about debuting a long time ago; now it’s just a distraction, a way to drown out the ache that never seems to fade. but was it worth it, listening to the company, if the will to keep going feels like it’s slipping through your fingers?

then, one day, they pull you aside. your company tells you you’re being relocated, moved to another company that’s shown interest in you, in your potential. they say you might debut sooner. it sounds like everything you should want, so you agree, packing your bags and letting them shuttle you off to the new dorms, even if a part of you feels numb, disconnected.

when you arrive at the new building, something about it feels familiar. the hallway, the scent in the air, the way the light filters through the windows—it all makes your heart thud in your chest, unease curling in your stomach. memories you tried so hard to bury start to bubble up.

you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, and push open the door to your new room. it’s… not much. the walls look a little worn, there’s a fine layer of dust on the shelves, and it’s small—cramped, really. not surprising. you’re still a trainee, after all. you didn’t expect luxury.

inside, two girls turn to look at you, surprised by your sudden entrance. one is shorter, with wavy hair and a bright, warm smile, the other taller and younger-looking, with a curious expression. you manage a small, polite smile in return. 

“hi, they sent me to source–”

“you must be y/n?” the girl with wavy hair interrupts, tilting her head slightly, studying you with interest as you shut the door behind you. “i’m danielle, nice to meet you.” her voice is friendly, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“hi, nice to meet you too.” you reply, noticing the slight arch of her brows. your korean is decent, but the accent still lingers, evident enough to catch attention. 

“i’m hyein,” the younger girl chimes in, a grin spreading across her face. “are you from here?”

“n-no, i’m not,” you stammer, a little caught off guard. “you could tell from my accent, huh? i’m still working on my korean. i’m fluent in english though.”

hyein glances at danielle, then back to you. she points at danielle and adds, “danielle speaks english too.”

“you do?” you ask, turning to danielle. she nods.

“yeah,” danielle says, switching to english with an easy smile. “it’s nice to have another english speaker around. two of the other trainees speak it pretty well too.” her accent is thick, australian, and it’s like a tiny piece of familiarity amidst all the change.

a small relief floods through you, just enough to calm the nerves that have been knotting your stomach all day. “oh, that’s… that’s good to know,” you say, a faint smile tugging at your lips.

“yeah,” danielle agrees, and for the first time since you arrived, you feel like maybe, just maybe, this new start won’t be as hard as you thought.

they both help you settle in, and soon you find yourself sharing a bed with hyein. it’s cramped, barely enough space for two, but it’s better than nothing. you’re grateful for their kindness. both of them seem so genuinely sweet, and you quickly learn that danielle is only a year younger than you, while hyein is much younger. she’s practically a child, literally a child, you feel a protective instinct kick in immediately. there’s a sincerity in her wide-eyed curiosity, an innocence that makes you want to look out for her, to make sure nothing ever limits her spirit.

danielle, on the other hand, is a ball of sunshine—radiating warmth and energy that makes the room feel brighter. she’s constantly smiling, her laughter infectious, and even though there’s a hint of tiredness in the way she moves, a slight slump to her shoulders, she’s still so full of life. she talks a lot, her voice light and cheerful as she shoots question after question while getting to know you. it’s hard not to be eased by her easygoing charm. 

as the night wears on, they do their best to lift your spirits, sensing the nerves that still linger just beneath the surface. danielle makes a few silly jokes that make you smile despite yourself, and hyein tries to comfort you with small gestures—a reassuring pat on the arm, a soft-spoken “it’s okay, you’ll get used to it. they must’ve relocated you for a reason!” they can tell you’ve been thrown into this new situation without much warning, and they’re doing their best to make you feel welcome. 

you feel a strange mixture of fear and hope—this whole thing is still so new, so uncertain. it’s unsettling to be here, to have been displaced so suddenly, but at least your new roommates are wonderful. they’re different from the people at your old company, where the atmosphere had been tense, filled with a kind of hostility that always made you feel on edge. here, there’s warmth, a sense of camaraderie you haven’t felt in a long time.

you wonder if this company will be any different. you hope it doesn’t end up ripping you apart like the last one, but for now, you find comfort in the gentle smiles and kind words of danielle and hyein. they make this unfamiliar place feel a little less lonely, a little less scary, and for tonight, that’s enough.

—

danielle shakes you and hyein awake at the crack of dawn, urging you both to get ready for training. it’s a normal routine for them, but for you, it’s the start of something new. you rush through your morning routine—skincare, a light layer of makeup, and clothes you hope are suitable for dancing. you quickly follow the two out, trailing behind as they lead you down a path toward another building, one that you assume is where all the training happens.

inside, they guide you through the hallways until you reach a room. danielle opens the door, and you’re greeted by an empty dance studio. hyein lights up at the sight, a wide grin spreading across her face. “we have some time to warm up before the other three get here,” she says, already jogging inside.

danielle steps in next, and you follow, trying to push down the nerves fluttering in your stomach. you all sit on the floor, stretching your legs, trying to loosen up and prepare for what you know will be hours of hard work. you focus on improving your flexibility, feeling the slight burn in your muscles as you push yourself further. ten minutes pass, and just as you start to feel a little more at ease, there’s a knock at the door.

the three of you turn your heads in unison, watching as the door creaks open and a girl shuffles in, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up. behind her, two more girls enter—the first is a shorter girl who yawns deeply with each step she takes, but the second girl… your heart stops dead in your chest.

kim minji.

kim fucking minji.

she catches your gaze, and both of you freeze. time seems to halt, your eyes locking onto each other in shock. minji looks just as stunned as you feel, her expression mirroring the disbelief you know is written all over your face. you can’t breathe, can’t think—your mind is spinning, and your heart feels like it’s dropped to your stomach.

before you can fully process what’s happening, a voice from the other side of the room snaps you back to reality. “you’re the new girl? nice to meet you! i’m hanni,” the shorter girl says, approaching with a friendly smile.

you force yourself to tear your eyes away from minji, swallowing hard before managing a polite smile in return. “nice to meet you, i’m y/n.”

minji, on the other hand, feels like she’s caught in a dream—or maybe a nightmare. you’re standing right there, in front of her, looking just as beautiful as you did the last time she saw you, minus the tears streaming down your face. she thought she had done pretty well moving on, pushing you aside so far in her mind so that she only thinks of you when she’s not bombarded with coursework or training—so rarely. she can’t move, can’t speak, not until danielle calls her over, breaking her from her trance. she takes a shaky breath and forces herself to join the group, her mind still reeling.

the room feels charged with tension, both of you stealing glances when you think the other isn’t looking, neither daring to say a word. it’s a strange, painful coincidence, running into each other like this. it’s almost as if cupid is playing a cruel joke, aiming to tear your heart to pieces rather than make it flutter.

and the worst part is, you just have to push on with practice like there’s no history between you two. like you don’t have memories stored up in your mind of her laugh, the way her hand fit in yours, or the way she looked at you like you were the only person in the world. both of you are still so young, but you know better than to let your feelings get in the way—not when debuting is on the line.

you take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you introduce yourself to everyone again, making sure to keep your eyes anywhere but on minji. your voice is calm, your smile practiced, and you do your best to pretend that she isn’t standing just a few feet away, close enough for you to hear her breath hitch, close enough that you can almost feel the weight of her stare. 

the room is filled with conversation as the girls introduce themselves back, one by one. you nod, exchange pleasantries, but every word feels heavy, like you’re walking on a tightrope above a pit of old memories and unspoken feelings. you focus on the faces in front of you, the ones you haven’t seen before, trying to absorb their names and voices — hanni, haerin, danielle, hyein, and… — anything to distract from the familiar face you know too well.

then, practice begins, and you force yourself to concentrate on learning the choreography, to commit every move to memory. the beats of the music fill the room, and you step in time, trying to mirror danielle and hanni’s movements. you stretch your arms, pivot your feet, focus on your control, and move across the floor, pretending that your ex-love-of-your-life isn’t right there, just a few steps away. 

you try not to notice minji’s presence, the way her hair falls across her face when she turns, or the way she bites her lip when she’s trying to focus. you do everything you can to ignore the quickening of your heart whenever you hear her voice, sharp and clear, giving feedback to the others. you push down the memories that threaten to surface, the images of stolen kisses and whispered secrets, forcing yourself to focus on the rhythm, the steps, and the music.

but it’s hard to pretend when every glance feels loaded, every second that passes feels like an eternity. you know you’re here for a reason, to work hard, to debut, to make something of yourself, and you can’t let old feelings get in the way of that—not now, not ever. still, as you dance, you feel a pang of something deep in your chest, a longing that no amount of practice can seem to shake. not this time.

—

another year goes by, a year of slowly building bonds with the other girls and learning how to navigate around minji’s presence. the two of you have grown, mature enough to look each other in the eye, exchange a few words when necessary, but never more than that. neither of you dare to willingly interact beyond what's required.

an unspoken agreement hangs between you both: act alright in front of the others, get along enough to avoid raising questions, and move on. it’s all you can do. three hundred and sixty-five days pass, and in that time, you begin to notice more about minji, the side of her that never wavered, the side that’s still so caring towards everyone around her. 

you see her helping hanni with her korean, keeping hyein motivated with endless praises, complimenting danielle on her improvements, and reassuring haerin when worries weigh on her. minji’s always been the caring type, that never changed. neither did her pretty, gummy smile, her soft eyes, the way her eyebrows furrow in concentration—everything about her that once made your heart skip a beat still lingers, still draws your attention.

it stings, realizing your feelings haven’t faded. they’re still there, buried beneath the surface, and you know they’ll remain, how could they not? it’s kim minji you’re dealing with. if you debut together, those feelings will continue to simmer, but you push them down, suppress them, because you’re the one who created the distance between you two. the tension is your fault, and you have to deal with your mistakes.

minji tries not to break, not when she sees you laughing and being carefree with the others, yet stiff and distant around her. she knows she should be angry, and she is, but not enough to hate you. you’re both just young, chasing your dreams, and if that means leaving her behind, minji will accept it. as long as you’re happy, she can let go, because no matter what, she’ll always care about you, always love you in her own quiet way.

her feelings haven’t faded either, and sometimes it shows—when you’re with the others, bringing laughter and light into the room, she remembers the way you once brought that same warmth into her life. but staying stuck in the past won’t help her, and minji knows that. she allows herself a few glances, lets her gaze linger on you when she thinks no one’s looking, before pulling herself back to reality.

there’s always that unspoken tension in the air, the weight of words never said, the feelings both of you try so hard to bury. but somehow, you manage to keep going. you get by, coexisting in the same space, neither of you willing to confront the past, but not quite able to forget it either.

—

two days until debut, and the excitement is electric.

all six of you are buzzing, nerves mixed with joy. after years of grinding, sleepless nights, and moments where the dream seemed too far, you're almost there—right on the cusp of what you've always wanted. the final practice for "attention" wraps up, and you gather in a circle, sharing words of encouragement. the rehearsal went better than any of you could have hoped for, and the anticipation of seeing the music video reactions and stepping on stage for the first time is almost too much to handle.

the energy in the room shifts once practice is over, everyone easing into a more relaxed state. danielle is sprawled out on the floor, leaning against hanni, who's leaning on hyein. haerin sits by the mirror, legs crossed, lost in her thoughts. minji, meanwhile, stands near the mirror on the other side of the room, hands on her hips, staring at her reflection. you're in the center of the room, watching her without even realizing it, your eyes tracing the curve of her back before you finally gather the nerve to approach her.

you tap her shoulder twice, and she turns around, surprise flickering across her face. "y/n?" she says softly.

"hey..." you respond, suddenly shy, your eyes flickering from her chin to her collarbone, avoiding direct eye contact. "can we talk?"

minji hesitates, glancing around the room before nodding. "alright."

you lead her out of the practice room, both of you offering quick excuses as you slip away. the walk down the hallway is quiet, the silence heavy between you. minji waits for you to say something, but you can't seem to find the words until you reach a small window in front of a couch and potted plant. the light streaming in casts a soft glow over the space, and you take a deep breath.

“we’re debuting soon,” you say, the words awkward as they leave your mouth.

“yeah,” she breathes, her gaze following yours out the window.

“it’s been my— our dream for so long,” you continue, voice quiet. “i know things have been... rough between us. and that’s on me. i wanted to apologize.”

you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to meet her eyes, even if just for a moment. “from here on out, i want to mend things between us.”

minji’s eyes widen, and you can see the surprise written all over her face. you can tell she’s about to say something, but you press on before she can interrupt.

“i’m not asking for us to go back to how things were, i know that’s wrong of me to ask, considering i… yeah.” you clarify, gulping and trying to supress a faint blush. “but i want us to be members, to get along. eventually, maybe even friends again. i just want to fix things—at least a little. i know our past was complicated, but if we’re going to debut together, i want there to be less tension. more of... a broken bridge than no bridge at all, you know?”

your words hang in the air, and minji is silent for a few moments, processing. she looks at you with an expression you can’t quite place, and for a moment, you wonder if you’ve said too much. then she speaks, her voice quiet, almost fragile.

“okay,” she says, the word barely escaping her throat. “i want that too.”

relief washes over you, and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. a small smile tugs at your lips. “i’m glad. i hope we can talk more, catch up... maybe do something normal again.”

“something normal,” minji echoes, a hint of uncertainty in her voice, but she smiles. it’s a soft, genuine smile, one that makes your heart clench a little.

the two of you stand there, the silence between you now comfortable, not heavy like before. for the first time in what feels like forever, you’re seeing her—really seeing her. minji’s changed. she’s more mature, more thoughtful in her actions, her words. there’s a quiet authority about her now, especially as the eldest. the others look up to her, and honestly, so do you. hell, you’ve always looked up to her. she’s become even more beautiful, the soft evening light highlighting her features, giving her this glow that makes it hard to look at her for too long without feeling something stir inside you.

minji, on the other hand, is taking you in as well, a quiet smile on her lips as she does. there’s something almost poetic about this moment—you two, standing here together, about to debut in the same group. just years ago you two had met by the river, built a friendship and more, then less. regardless of what would have happened to the two of you, you’d end up together again.

to think that there was a whole time where you were both in different buildings, different spaces, hoping the other would make it. now, you’re side by side, part of the same dream, somehow together again. both of you made it.

—

after your first debut stage, adrenaline courses through your veins as the six of you rush backstage, breathless and buzzing. the girls are squealing, jumping around, and you can’t help but grin at them. then, your eyes meet minji’s across the room. her smile is genuine, proud, and it softens something inside you. you mirror her expression, holding her gaze longer than you should, until danielle tackles you with a hug so tight you feel like your ribs might cave in.

“that was amazing!” danielle beams, pulling back just enough to see your face, her eyes sparkling. “i can’t believe we just did that.”

“i know, right?” you respond in english, your body finally beginning to relax. “i’m so... overwhelmed, but in the best way.”

“so many people were cheering for you.” danielle pokes your cheek playfully, a mischievous smirk tugging at her lips. “bet it was that wink you pulled off during your ending fairy.”

your face flushes instantly, and you push her away with a groan. “stop! i was nervous! i didn’t know what else to do…”

danielle’s laughter is contagious, and soon hanni joins in, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “smooth wink, miss l/n,” she teases. “you might end up with a lot of fangirls, more than guys i bet.”

you whine, trying to push them both away, before finding refuge by haerin, who’s spaced out in her own world. she blinks at you, a bit startled as you point over to danielle, hanni, and now hyein, who’s joined in, the trio replaying your ending fairy. they giggle like kids, mocking the way you winked and bit the inside of your lip. haerin just sighs in understanding, standing beside you like a silent bodyguard.

minji watches the whole scene unfold from a distance, a small smile tugging at her lips. there’s a warmth in her chest, seeing everyone so carefree and happy after all the hard work. she’s beyond glad that you all made it, that the dream finally came true.

(even if you’re not hers anymore, you’re happy, and that’s more than enough for her. minji is grateful just to know that.)

–

the next month flies by in a blur. your ep is out, there’s promotions, interviews, a few meetings, and just so much. despite the whirlwind, every feeling from every moment sticks with you, vivid and sharp.

each track from your ep gains massive popularity, spreading across the globe with people praising the group left and right. your debut isn’t just a debut—it’s the debut of the year, and suddenly, everyone’s talking about you. you’ve become the new “it” group, with people especially stunned by hyein’s talent at such a young age. the attention is surreal, but what shocks you the most is the way people are talking about you. everywhere you look, there are comments about your visuals, your voice, and the shy praise makes your cheeks burn.

(of course, hanni and danielle never miss the chance to tease you about your ending fairies blowing up online. each one garners thousands of views, and despite the attention, you cringe at every single one.)

but while you’re in the spotlight, so is minji. social media can’t get enough of her, with countless posts gushing over her visuals. people are stunned by how effortlessly beautiful she is, how her voice carries a certain warmth and depth. all the things you’ve always admired about her are now being praised by the world. her popularity is skyrocketing, and it’s no surprise to you. minji has always been stunning, both inside and out, and now everyone else is finally seeing what you’ve known all along.

it’s bittersweet; all the gushing over minji had been your little thing before you messed it all up.

—

minji sits with the rest of the girls in the dorm complex, a new one near hybe. it’s nicer, not as cramped as the old place, and even though she still shares a bed with haerin, she loves it. 

(it’s a queen sized bed instead of a full size, she’s not complaining at all.)

she’s grateful for everything, especially the upgrade from where they used to live. they’re all gathered for dinner, a celebratory meal after their debut, but as the minutes tick by, minji notices something off: you’re not there.

the rest of the girls don’t seem fazed, but minji is. she’s the oldest, the most observant, and it feels strange that a whole member is missing. she waits a few more minutes, but you still haven’t shown up.

“have any of you seen y/n?” minji asks, her voice calm but curious. “i don’t want us to eat without her. we’re a team—it doesn’t feel right.”

hanni tilts her head, looking a bit confused. “she didn’t tell you?”

“tell me what?” minji’s brows furrow slightly.

haerin chimes in. “she went out.”

“what?” minji stands up from the table, the unease settling in her stomach. 

“i told her to stay,” haerin continues, “but she kept saying ‘it’s okay’ and that she’d be back in an hour or something. she seemed pretty eager to get out.”

danielle shrugs, adding casually, “yeah, she told all of us. she didn’t mention it to you?”

minji shakes her head, feeling a small twist in her chest. “no, she didn’t.” the thought of you being out alone, especially during a meal this important, doesn’t sit right with her. you’d left your wallet in haerin’s bag—minji remembers seeing it out of the corner of her eye, a little gray wallet you always carried. she hadn’t thought much of it, assuming you’d all eat together like usual.

“she said she’s not hungry,” hyein chimes in. “she said she snacked too much earlier. don’t worry, she’ll be back.”

minji hesitates, still standing while the others pick up their bowls and begin eating. she knows you too well—you’re the type to lie if it meant sparing someone from worrying about you. and if you were really hungry but said otherwise, it just made her feel worse.

she sits back down but can’t shake the unease gnawing at her. she’s never eaten this fast before, practically gulping down the side dishes and wrapping lettuce around the grilled meat without much thought. she finishes her meal quickly, but it feels empty, and the food doesn’t settle well in her stomach.

after a few bites, she stands again, slipping on a light sweater. “i don’t want y/n to miss out on this food. it’s really good,” she says, her voice light, but her eyes are serious. “i’m going to go look for her, i’ll be back soon.”

before anyone can respond, she’s out the door. she walks quickly, her steps filled with purpose. she knows where you’ll be, and it’s not long before she’s headed to the place she’s almost certain you’ve gone to.

it’s a five-minute walk to the nearest bus stop, a three-minute wait, and a ten-minute bus ride to the area she’s thinking of. the city blurs by as she stares out the window, her thoughts racing. another few minutes pass as she speedwalks from the bus stop, her legs carrying her to the familiar bench by the river, the one with the view of the bridge that glows softly in the evening light.

she remembers the first time she met you here, how you both talked for hours, the breeze gently blowing through the trees. it’s quiet now, the water rippling softly under the dimming sky, and there you are, sitting alone on the bench, looking out at the water.

(“hi, is anyone sitting here?” minji asks, her voice lighter than it is now. 

she’s fifteen, fresh from a rare break in her training. she holds a small bag of honey chips in one hand and convenience store gimbap in the other—nowhere near as good as her mom’s, but enough to fill her up. her usual bench is taken, though, and she spots you sitting there. no big deal, she thinks, she’ll just sit on the other side.

you glance up, still chewing, and your eyes widen at the sight of her. “o-oh, no! here, sitting, um, no one. you can—uh—” you fumble for the words, trying to string them together. “alone, i am. with me, no one.”

minji smiles at you, easily picking up on your accent, the way you stumble through the grammar. a foreigner, she thinks. she gives you a thumbs up and takes a seat next to you, setting her bag of chips between the two of you.

you blink at her, caught off guard by how effortlessly she seems to glow. before you can say anything, she catches you staring, and offers you a chip. “want one?” she asks, holding the bag out.

“it’s okay, food, i have.” you respond, shaking your head, but she giggles softly.

“i have food,” minji gently corrects you, repeating the sentence with a small smile.

you mumble an embarrassed, “oh,” before adding shyly, “yeah, i have food.”

“your korean is really good,” minji compliments you, her tone warm. “it’s just your grammar and formality. but it’s not a big deal if we’re the same age. how old are you?”

you pause, taking a second to process her words, then respond, “fifteen. i’m fifteen.”

minji’s face lights up, her eyes crinkling with her bright smile, and you find yourself mirroring her expression. “me too!”

“really?” you say in english, then quickly switch back, clearing your throat. “really?”

minji nods, understanding your little slip, and switches to english herself. “you speak english?”

your eyes widen slightly in relief. “you speak english too?”

“i learned some here in korea,” she explains, her voice soothing and calm. “i also studied in canada for a while.”

“no way! i’m from canada.” 

“really?” minji’s eyes sparkle with interest.

“yeah,” you grin, glancing out at the bridge in front of you, the soft glow of the evening lights reflecting off the water. “i’d kill for some timbits right now… i wish korea had them.”

“i get that, they were my favorites when i studied there. cheap and good.” minji chuckles softly before asking, “why are you in korea? are you studying abroad?”

your smile falters for a second, and you hesitate before answering. “well, i want to be an idol. it’s… kind of stupid. i came here alone after making it through the audition and getting scouted, but i barely know the language. i just really want to be an idol—it’s my dream.”

“it’s not stupid at all.” minji leans in a little closer, her eyes locking on yours, the sincerity in her gaze catching you off guard. “i want to be one too. i’m a trainee.”

“really?” your surprise is evident in your voice. “that makes two of us.”

“i guess it does,” minji agrees, holding the bag of chips out to you again. “i’m minji, kim minji.”

“that’s a nice name,” you say, accepting the chip this time, plopping it into your mouth. “i’m y/n, l/n y/n.”

minji grins, her eyes soft as she says, “even nicer name.” the compliment catches you off guard, and you can’t help but giggle at her words.)

you notice someone sit down next to you, catching minji’s presence in your peripheral. her voice, now deeper and more grounded than that first time you met her, cuts through the silence.

“i hope this seat isn’t taken.”

your muscles relax as you scoot over to make room for her. “it’s not.” you keep your eyes on her as she settles in beside you, looking out at the familiar view. the glasses perched on her nose somehow make her even more striking, drawing out the natural allure she’s always had. you can’t help but let your gaze linger on her profile, tracing the soft lines of her face. 

before you lose yourself entirely, she breaks the silence. “you weren’t at dinner.”

“i wasn’t hungry.” you lie easily, turning back to the bridge.

minji gives you a side glance, clearly unconvinced. “right.”

“i just needed some space.” the truth slips out this time, your voice quieter. you can feel her gaze shift, now fixed on you. “how did you know i’d be here?” you ask, still staring ahead, avoiding her eyes.

“some things don’t change, y/n.” she says simply, leaning back into the bench. “i had a hunch.”

you stay quiet, the wind brushing past you both. the bench holds too much history for either of you to ignore. the same spot, years later.

(“you’re here again.” it had only been a week since your first meeting. minji had found you on the bench at nine at night, munching on fruit snacks. “thinking of timbits?”

you laughed, patting the seat next to you. “maybe.”

minji smiled as she sat down, and you handed her a piece of dried fruit without a second thought. “was it a coincidence that we ran into each other again?” she asked, sounding curious.

“maybe i’m just lucky,” you said playfully, “lucky to have run into you again.”

“lucky to run into me?” she raised an eyebrow.

“you’re the only person i can talk to like this,” you admitted. “i was hoping i’d see you again, kim minji.”

“i was kind of hoping the same, l/n y/n.”

“is that so?” you grinned, scooting closer. 

“maybe.”

the two of you spent the next hour talking, shoulders nearly touching, laughter filling the space between you. the fruit snacks were long gone, but you stayed, sharing stories about trainee life and the little struggles of the week. it felt easy, natural, like you’d known each other for years.

when your phone buzzed with a notification, your face fell, and minji’s mirrored yours.

“you have to go?” her voice held a tinge of disappointment.

“yeah,” you sighed, “but let’s meet again, okay? can i get your kakao?”

“of course!” minji had jumped at the chance, quickly giving you her contact. “can we meet again next week? i’m happy i’ve made a friend like you.”

“me too,” you had said softly, “you’re like a savior. my korean is so bad…”

“i’ll help you with that,” she’d laughed, “but our time is limited.”

you hugged her then, surprising her with the closeness. she caught the faint scent of lavender on you and hesitated for only a moment before hugging you back tightly. you mumbled a quiet “thanks,” your lips brushing against her hair near her ear, making her shiver slightly.

“for what?” she had asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“doesn’t matter.”)

you feel minji looking at you now, and in the corner of your eye, you see her scoot a little closer, her shoulder brushing against yours. it’s subtle, but the warmth from years ago flickers to life again in your chest.

“your korean is really good now,” she says after a pause, her voice soft. “especially since the first time we met.”

“i’d hope so, after three years.” you smile to yourself, trying to lighten the moment.

minji doesn’t laugh, though. instead, she turns to face you, her expression unreadable. “i was worried, you know?” she says quietly. “why did you tell everyone but me that you were leaving?”

you turn to meet her gaze, lips parting as you exhale softly. her eyes are as warm and familiar as ever. “i knew you’d make me go back inside.”

“i wouldn’t.”

“yes, you would.”

“i’d just go outside with you, y/n.”

her words settle between you, and you feel the weight of them in your chest. she’s always been too kind, too caring, even more now than when you first met. she’s still minji, but somehow better, different in ways that make you feel like you’re stuck in place, the same selfish version of yourself.

“oh.”

there’s no warning when your eyes start to sting, a subtle burn building until you feel the tears pooling. you turn away quickly, hoping to hide it before it gets worse.

“do you hate me?” your voice comes out barely above a whisper, but shaky enough to betray you. “i wouldn’t blame you.”

minji’s brows furrow. “do i what?”

“hate me.” 

she pauses, studying you closely. her eyes trace the way your hands fidget restlessly in your lap—something she’s seen you do countless times before. you’ve always done it when you were anxious, whether it was before a monthly evaluation, or when you had something on your mind that you wouldn’t share with her. she notices how your teeth press into your lower lip, your foot bouncing slightly, a nervous habit she’s memorized over the years.

“y/n,” she says softly, scooting even closer until her side presses into yours. her arm wraps around your shoulders, gently pulling you into her. she holds you like she always has, her thumb brushing lightly over your arm in slow, comforting strokes. “i could never hate you.”

“i dumped you without a word,” you mutter bitterly, the words heavy on your tongue. “and then i got moved to your company, and you had to act like you were fine with me being there.”

minji stays quiet, letting you continue.

“you don’t have to pretend. i know i made it hard for you.”

“i’m not pretending,” she says, turning to look at you again. “you debuted, y/n, and that’s all i ever wanted for you. it’s your dream. you gave up so much to make it happen.” her voice softens even more, her gaze steady on you. “all i have is admiration for you. even if we’re… not together anymore, all i’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

her words only make the tears spill faster, flowing freely down your cheeks as you tremble beside her. the warmth of her touch is familiar, and it brings back memories of when you were sixteen, when she’d comfort you in moments just like this, when everything felt overwhelming.

“minji, i’m sorry,” you manage to choke out, your voice cracking with the weight of it all.

“it’s okay,” she whispers, her hand still rubbing soothing circles into your shoulder.

you hate how vulnerable you feel, especially in front of her. you’ve held it together for so long, keeping your emotions locked down since the breakup, since the whirlwind of your debut. but now, sitting here next to her, it feels impossible to keep pretending. the tears keep coming, and you sniffle quietly, wiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand.

even though her arm is still around you, and part of you craves that comfort, you can’t help but feel like you don’t deserve it. the guilt presses down on you, and you gently take her hand, holding it for a brief moment to savor the warmth before carefully removing her arm from around your shoulders. you don’t meet her gaze as you do it, but minji seems to understand, not saying a word.

“you haven’t eaten yet, have you?” she asks after a beat, her voice still soft but with a hint of concern.

“i’m not that hungry,” you reply, forcing yourself to focus on anything but the heaviness in your chest.

“not even for gummy snacks?” she teases, tilting her head slightly as she watches you.

her playful tone pulls a small smile from your lips. “maybe for those…”

—

the next few months go quite normally, though it took you a bit to fully open up to minji.

you're timid and reserved, but there’s a new warmth in the way you interact with minji. the tension that kept you two apart starts to fade during the activities that come with your debut. livestreams, music video shoots, and photoshoots become regular parts of your routine, each one pulling you and minji closer.

during livestreams, you and minji share laughter, trading playful jabs as you engage with the fans. the cameras capture genuine smiles that hint at the friendship creeping up to the surface. music video filming offers another chance for you two to joke around, using humor to ease the nerves that come with performing in front of the crew. 

you find comfort in those moments, the way your shoulders brush together as you wait. a cozy blanket drapes over the two of you, forcing you into close proximity. in those quiet moments, laughter spills from your lips, light and infectious, often unnoticed by the cameras. the bond between you deepens as you exchange jokes, the sound of your shared amusement weaving a thread of connection that feels both familiar and new.

photoshoots also lead to accidental closeness. whether it’s posing back-to-back or sharing a prop—or something much more heart-racing like minji putting her arm around you or your head ending up on her shoulder—you two frequently end up right next to each other, considering the fact that you two are the oldest of the bunch, and a popular duo. the laughter comes easily, her smile draws you in without fail, and soon you’re both cracking a bunch more jokes to distract from the awkwardness of the camera lenses. there was a stiffness in the curtain that separated you both, and as soon as it begins to fall the lingering chemistry starts to peek through again.

as time passes, the bond you share with minji deepens as well as with the other members. the lingering feelings you both carry remain tucked away, hidden in the trenches of your hearts and overshadowed by the growing friendship. you find some type of comfort in this new ‘normal.’ to be completely true to yourself, you’re just grateful for the connection that remind you both of the comfort you once shared. 

(for the most part, it stings sometimes, mostly late at night.)

dinner and practice felt natural again too, as easy as brushing your teeth or opening the blinds in the morning. being around minji no longer held that awkward tension; instead, it was a comfort, familiar and warm. the only thing that lingered was your admiration for her, something small that colored your interactions. 

(there were more nights that stung.)

at practice you’d see her greeting everyone with your favorite smile of hers, eyes crinkly and gums showing. she’d smile at you sweetly, maybe even sweeter than how she smiles at the others (but you could be delusional) then head on over to one corner to stretch. 

even the others would notice this, catching you while you’re stretching, hand on one foot reaching for it as you stare at minji through the mirror.

minji is sweaty, lifting her shirt a bit to wipe remnants of the rigorous choreo and giving you a peek of her abdomen. when she brings her shirt back down, your eyes go back to her face. she’s stunning, even after all that exercise and tiring movement. her hair sticks to her a bit, and she just looks so—

hanni pushes you over subtly, making you fall over and let out a weird noise that only she catches. you give her a glare and get up.

“you’re so annoying.”

“someone’s daydreaming a lot these days.” hanni’s right, you’ve been doing that far too often.

“just got a lot on my mind.”

“you’re always staring at minji.” hanni snickers, looking over at the oldest member. “bunnies have even caught you in the youtube videos.”

“they have?”

hanni laughs, helping you up on your feet. “people are calling you guys ‘parentz’ online.”

“w-what?”

“it’s kind of cute,” she grins, “it’s actually hilarious. dani and i were laughing at some clips last night.”

you scoff in response, nudging her with your shoulder and snickering after. minji catches the interaction from afar, eyes narrowing just barely when hanni pushes you again with a little more force, and eyes narrowing just a bit more when you push her back again and laugh.

—

minji hasn’t felt like herself lately, it’s been more than a week. there’s something about you that keeps her attention, especially now that you look stunning for the comeback. in the photoshoots and music video recordings for “super shy” and “new jeans,” you radiated beauty, and minji often tried to look away, but your adorable hairstyle was impossible to resist. she found herself playing with your hair whenever hyein, danielle, or haerin joined in, but only when they distracted you. she wouldn’t dare being the first to do so.

as you began shooting for the full album—not even music video shooting or for the photobooks, just in the booth recording the actual songs—minji was pulled in like sand drawn back into the ocean. she caught sight of you just before her turn to record, attempting to sneak up and surprise you, but you surprised her instead. walking out of the studio, you wore no makeup, your hair was clipped up messily, and a snug t-shirt and sweatpants hugged your form perfectly. 

(her eyes stayed on the curve of your torso for a little longer than she’d like to admit.)

minji froze for a moment, taking in how unraveled you looked; she was mesmerized.

“i didn’t think you’d be here early,” you said, your smile breaking her trance. 

minji felt her stomach twist.

“wanted to surprise you,” she replied, earning a bigger smile in return. “you sound good.” she added, biting back the urge to tell you how good you looked.

“did i? ugh, i don’t know; i think i can do better. i’ll work on adjustments tomorrow.” you sighed, a familiar hint of perfectionism creeping into your voice. minji had always found it strange how you saw flaws in everything you did, despite your talents. you’ve always been like that even when you were fifteen, sixteen, and during the time you two were trainees together. “i bet you’ll do lovely, though.” you add, shaking the topic of you off.

“you think too highly of me,” minji chuckled, shaking her head. “my range is kind of iffy.”

“your voice suits anything, minji. i like how deep it is. it’s nice to the ears, really soothing.” you shrugged, glancing at the cap she wore—a dark gray with pink lettering. a small smirk tugged at your lips, almost imperceptible, but minji noticed. you pinched the brim, lifting it slightly to reveal more of her face before turning it backward and letting it sit like that on her head, a few strands of hair poking out from under to cover her eyes.

“is this new?” you ask, your surprise evident. you move the hair away from her eyes and minji swears she feels her legs wobble.

“um,” minji stammered, caught off guard and blushing slightly. “yeah.”

“it’s cute,” you mumble softly. “fits you well. i’ll see you later? what do you want for dinner? i’m cooking for us tonight.”

“uh, i, um. anything the members want—ask hyein.”

“okay.” you smiled again, walking past her but pausing to give her shoulder a gentle pat. 

minji felt a rush of warmth from the brief contact, and as she stepped into the recording booth, she struggled to shake off the memory of your interaction. her mind lingered on your words and the way you looked at her, causing her to falter. the producer raised an eyebrow at her distraction, but once she shook it off, she found her rhythm, pouring her heart into the song.

—

if seeing you just after recording made her lose her balance, then just seeing you in every concept for the new album had completely swept her off her feet. 

for “cool with you,” the stylists had dressed the members similarly, all with flowy white outfits. however, each members look was different. everyone looked amazing, but the stylist seemed to pay a lot of attention to you—at least in minji’s eyes— because they did you great.

your makeup wasn’t all that strong, just simple eyeshadow, light blush, and faint lip product. still, you looked ethereal. it seemed like you had jumped out of a fairytale movie, even the cameras for the “behind-the-scenes” recording had caught her staring.

minji laughs awkwardly after catching the camera in her peripheral, smiling to hide how flustered she is.

“y/n looks very pretty, doesn’t she?” minji says, “everyone does. i think the concept suits everyone well.”

the camera is still on her, she starts talking about how she feels about the shoot and the album. then minji feels someone creep up from behind, putting both hands on her shoulders and making her jump up. she turns her head slightly to meet some of your features, your gaze on the camera in front of you gives minji a good look at the side of your face.

“hi everyone!” you wave to the camera, then turn to your left, meeting minji. “hi minji.” you say softly, almost adoringly—minji might be a little insane for thinking there’s even a hint of adoration in your tone.

“hi y/n.” 

“i like how they styled you,” you admit, “doesn’t she look wonderful?” you run your fingers through the hair falling down her shoulders. “your hair is so soft… ah, i love the accessories in your hair.”

minji tries her best to keep her cool, especially with the camera focused on both of you. you’re reaching out, playing with her clothes or gently tugging on strands of her hair. your fingers trace the edges of her accessories, and then, almost absentmindedly, you start to toy with her hands, admiring her nails like they’re the most fascinating thing in the world and boasting about it to your fans. at one point, your gaze locks with hers, and minji feels herself freeze for a second. your eyes are intense, filled with a warmth she can’t quite describe, something familiar and it makes her heart race. embarrassed, she laughs it off, looking away as though your compliments are nothing.

minji tries to return the favor, hoping to give you even a fraction of the feeling you’ve stirred in her. her knuckles brush lightly against your jaw, sending a soft tingle up your spine as she points out your earrings to the camera. her touch is brief, but intimate enough to make you hold your breath. then, without warning, you feel her fingers gently poking into your scalp, carefully lifting a section of your hair to admire its style. you don’t expect the sudden closeness, and your lips part slightly as heat rises to your cheeks. 

she catches the change in your expression and feels a little proud, her own heart fluttering at the sight of your blush.

“i was just telling ‘bunnies’ about your look for today. i think it’s really beautiful.”

“do you?”

“mhm,” she nods, “i bet you’ll look wonderful during the choreography too. i’m excited to see the monitoring.”

“haha,” you chuckle awkwardly, “thanks.”

the staff stops recording and shoots a thumbs up to you two, which lifts a weight of your shoulders.

you two don’t share a word for a moment. you can’t really look at her for some reason, and neither can she, but thankfully hyein joins in and starts admiring the both of you.

—

day two of shooting is simply hours of posing for the photobooth. you’re set up for group shots, then some solos.

as you’re doing your solo’s, danielle pops up from behind the camera and starts throwing compliments at you. 

“pretty girl~” she teases, “ooh la la~”

your stone-faced expression is replaced with amusement after the shoot ends. you let out the laughs you’ve been holding, getting up to teasingly hold onto danielle and then push her back. 

“you’re so annoying,” you joke, walking away from her. “you’re so lucky i was close to finishing the shoot, i wouldn’t have been able to go on after.”

“sorry y/n-ie.” she apologizes, “i couldn’t help it.”

you roll your eyes, catching the camera that’s recording the interaction and giving it a dumbfounded look. you pout playfully before danielle jumps to your side and smiles as she hangs onto your arm, both of you giggling like idiots.

minji, who’s watching from afar, accidentally frowns. hanni notices this, considering minji is supposed to be taking a picture of her so she can update on ‘phoning.’

“what’s with the sad face?”

“what?” minji focuses on hanni again instead of the scene going on behind the younger member, readjusting her hand. “it’s just my resting face.”

“you’re not even taking the pictures properly.”

“i– i was thinking of something.” minji shrugs, “look here, let me snap a picture.”

but hanni doesn’t look back at the camera, instead turning around to catch you and danielle giggling about something. then she looks back at minji, who’s also looking in the same direction again, frown present.

“did something happen with either of them?”

“no, it’s nothing.” minji sighs, “you turned your head while i was taking the picture, let’s redo–”

“you weren’t paying attention when you took it.”

“hanni–”

“what’s going on?” hanni asks, brows creasing slightly. “is it y/n?”

“it’s nothing.” minji says firmly, putting the phone down now and giving up. “i think i’m going to go use the restroom.”

“nuh uh, no you’re not.” hanni grabs her wrist, squaring up with minji. “c’mon, what’s up?”

minji pauses, words failing her as she tries to piece together how to explain what’s been gnawing at her for weeks. how does she tell hanni that she’s jealous, jealous of the easy way you and danielle flirt without thinking twice about it? how does she admit that you’ve never really left her mind, that she still wakes up some days with her heart aching for you, despite all her efforts to push the feelings down? minji wonders how she could possibly confess that she hasn’t fallen out of love with you—not even close. in fact, she’s only fallen deeper, drawn to this new version of you that she wasn’t around to witness grow.

it hurts, more than she lets on, that she’s missed out on so much of your life. the pain of being cut off so suddenly still lingers, but at the same time, she’s proud of the sacrifices you made to debut. and it stings even more that you debuted alongside her, the constant proximity stirring up emotions she thought she had buried. she’s spent so many nights alone, thinking about you, about the two of you, wondering what went wrong and what could have been different. 

hanni watches her, waiting for an answer, and minji shrugs, trying to mask the storm of emotions with something easier to swallow.  

“i just feel like y/n and i have this… rift, i guess. as friends, i mean.”

“i don’t see anything wrong between you two,” hanni replies, clearly unconvinced.

“i don’t know… she’s just so relaxed with everyone else, like with danielle. they act like they’ve known each other forever, but with me, it’s different. it feels like something’s changed.”

“are you jealous?”

“no! no,” minji says quickly, shaking her head, though her voice betrays a hint of uncertainty. “it’s not that. i just don’t want anything rocky between us. everything’s fine with the others, but with her… it’s complicated.”

hanni gives her a knowing look. “if it helps, i think she looks up to you a lot. you’re both the oldest, and i feel like there’s a different kind of pressure on you two. maybe she’s just intimidated by how amazing you are. she talks about you all the time when we hang out, and i’ve seen her look at you from across the room more than once. i think you two need to talk or something.”

“she looks at me?”

hanni rolls her eyes. “is that seriously the only thing you took from that? you’re impossible.”

minji blushes, a quiet laugh escaping her, but hanni’s words stick with her. “no, but seriously,” hanni continues, “we’ve had some deep talks, a lot actually. she’s mentioned being scared that she’s not as good as you. she thinks you’re way out of her league, like you set this standard that’s hard to meet.”

minji’s quiet, the weight of hanni’s words sinking in. she glances over and catches your eye from across the room, both of you pausing for a split second before you smile. it’s a small, soft smile, the kind that leaves minji’s heart racing. she quickly looks away, flustered.

“i guess i’ll talk to her,” minji says, her voice softer now.

“you should. i mean, i’m not her, but that’s just my two cents—or won or whatever. you get what i mean.”

minji bites the inside of her lip, nodding slightly as she mulls over the thought of actually talking to you. it’s long overdue. too many things were left unsaid when you ended things, even the apology you gave her before debut didn’t cover it all. but the idea of confronting it all, of putting herself in that vulnerable position again, is terrifying.

maybe after the shoots, after the performances, after the album drops, she tells herself. more time to stall, more time to watch you from a distance, more time to get lost in her own confusion. 

—

promotions aren’t done yet, but you’re close. you’ve just gotten back to korea after performing at lollapalooza, a memory that’ll surely be engraved in your mind.

as fun as it was, you’re exhausted, exhausted from everything and how often you were being put near minji. 

as soon as you get back to the dorms, exhaustion pulls you straight to your bed. you barely make it onto the mattress before you collapse, landing flat on your back. your eyes are heavy from the long day of shooting for the ‘newjeans’ youtube channel, and within seconds, you drift off into sleep, your body giving in completely.

but when you wake up, you’re not in your bed anymore.

the air feels different, the scenery unfamiliar yet somehow recognizable. you blink, disoriented, as you take in the street around you. it feels like a memory—one deeply embedded in your mind. you look down and see your pinky linked with someone else’s, the warmth of their hand anchoring you. confused, you follow the connection, eyes tracing up their arm to their face. at first, the features are blurry, making you squint. and then it hits you, as clear as day.

it’s minji, but not the minji you know now. it’s sixteen-year-old minji.

your heart stutters in your chest. she looks exactly as she did back then, her bright smile lighting up her face. her eyes are wide and full of life, just like you remember from the night market where everything between you had changed. the place where you’d confessed to each other, turning a casual hangout into an unplanned first date.

“what’s wrong? you look a little pale,” minji says, tilting her head in concern, but there’s a playful lilt to her voice.

“minji?” you manage to say, your voice wavering. “what’s going on? you—this—”

“y/n, why are you acting weird?” she laughs softly, her hand sliding into yours, fingers intertwining easily. her thumb brushes lightly against your skin, a touch so familiar it makes your heart ache. “did you skip a meal again? i told you to eat before we came out here.”

her words are like a time capsule, pulling you back to when she’d always remind you to eat. even when she was drowning in her own trainee schedule, she’d send texts making sure you were taking care of yourself. back then, you were just friends. or maybe more, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

“i—i have to go,” you stammer, your chest tightening as panic floods your system.

“again?” her smile fades into a frown, brows knitting in confusion as you pull your hand away from hers. “you’re leaving again? without explaining?”

“what?” your voice cracks.

“you’re always leaving me,” she says, her tone dropping. “are you ever going to stop?”

“minji,” you whisper, shutting your eyes against the guilt that washes over you. the regret is palpable, twisting in your stomach. “i didn’t want to, but i had to.”

when you open your eyes again, you’re somewhere else. the market is gone, and you’re left disoriented once more, thrown into another unfamiliar scene.

you’re on a couch now, rubbing your eyes as you sit up. the air smells sweet, like pancakes. your favorite—sundays at home, topped with fresh maple syrup. the scent guides you into the kitchen, where a girl is standing at the stove, her back turned to you. long, dark hair, pajama pants, a loose t-shirt.

she turns, and your heart nearly stops again. it’s minji.

but this time, she’s not sixteen. she’s the age she should be. the present minji. your minji.

“you alright, love?” she asks, concern in her voice as she turns the stove down and sets the spatula aside. she walks over, fingers gently fixing your messy bedhead. “bad nap?”

her touch is soft, her presence warm. she cups your cheek with one hand, her thumb brushing against your skin. “you looked a little shaken up.”

“i’m… no, i’m okay,” you lie, leaning into her touch for just a second. your eyes drift past her, trying to ground yourself. “are you making pancakes?”

“yeah,” she says shyly, her lips curling into a soft smile. “you mentioned missing home, so i thought i’d surprise you.” she presses a light kiss to the tip of your nose. “there’s a batch ready for you.”

“thank you,” you murmur, the words barely leaving your lips as a lump forms in your throat.

“anything for you, baby.” she takes your hand, leading you toward the stove where a plate sits—two pancakes perfectly stacked with raspberries and syrup. it’s thoughtful. so minji. 

you love this, you love her. you never stopped loving her, you couldn’t ever do that. but instead of feeling warmth, you feel a pit growing in your stomach. something’s not right.

“this isn’t right,” you say, voice trembling as you put the plate down.

minji blinks, tilting her head in confusion. “what’s wrong? is it the pancakes?”

“not the pancakes,” you say, stepping back, your hands shaking. “this. none of this.”

she moves closer, concern deepening in her eyes, but you instinctively back away.

“y/n, what are you talking about?”

“this isn’t real,” you choke out, your voice breaking. “i don’t deserve this. minji, i broke up with you. this never happened.”

a tear slides down your cheek, your lip quivering uncontrollably as the weight of your words sinks in. “i’m sorry, minji. i’m so, so sorry. i keep doing this to you. i’m so sorry… i love you so much.”

minji’s expression mirrors the heartbreak from that day—the day you stood at her door, delivering the news that shattered everything between you. the pain you inflicted on her then, it’s all here now, reflected in her eyes.

before she can say anything, you turn, running toward the door, heart pounding in your chest.

…

you shoot up in bed, gasping for air. it takes a few moments before you realize where you are. blinking rapidly, you rub your eyes, trying to ground yourself in reality. you grab your phone, checking the notifications—something from your mom, and a random emoji from haerin in the group chat.

this is real. you're awake. it was just a dream.

it's one in the morning, and you're sitting on the edge of your bed, face buried in your hands. your eyes are shut tightly, trying to suppress the emotions that are threatening to surface. after a deep breath, you force yourself to stand, legs feeling unsteady but somehow keeping your balance. you make your way to the bathroom, turning on the light, squinting as the brightness stings your eyes. you splash cold water onto your face, hoping to snap yourself out of the lingering shock. you stare into the mirror and the reflection looking back is someone you barely recognize—someone you can’t stand. your breath shakes, your brows furrow, and you hastily wipe the water from your face before switching off the light and heading toward the living room.

you stop in the kitchen first. grabbing a glass from the cabinet, your fingers hesitate when you realize it's the one minji gifted you for your first birthday together in the group. the memory flashes in your mind—you remember the shock on your face being caught on live stream, eyes wide when she handed you a clear glass with your favorite cartoon character on it. you can almost hear the laughter from that moment, but now it just feels heavy in your hands. 

you fill the glass with water and take a sip, catching your distorted reflection in the stainless steel of the fridge. your hair’s a mess, faint lines under your eyes telling you that sleep hasn’t been kind. you lean your forehead against the cool surface of the fridge, closing your eyes and sighing deeply as exhaustion sets in even deeper.

"are you okay?" a voice comes from behind, making you jump and spill a bit of water onto the floor.

it’s minji—of course it’s minji.

"woah, hey, let me help you clean that—" she steps forward, concerned.

"i’m fine," you lie, shaking your head, waving her away as you kneel down to clean the small spill. "it’s just a few drops, don’t worry." you place the glass on the counter and grab the nearest paper towel, crouching down to wipe the floor quickly, feeling her eyes on you the entire time.

minji watches you closely, her expression soft yet concerned, taking in your restless, frantic movements.

"are you sure you’re alright?" she asks again, voice low, gentle.

"yeah," you breathe out quietly, still not meeting her gaze.

"why are you up this late?" she presses, stepping a little closer, her presence warm but heavy with concern.

you straighten up, tossing the paper towel in the trash. "i just had a… a strange dream."

"nightmare?" she asks softly, tilting her head.

"something like that." you try to brush it off, but you’re too tired to put much effort into sounding convincing. minji watches as you trudge over to the couch, your body language saying more than your words. you sit heavily, sipping your water before setting the glass down on the coffee table. leaning back against the cushions, you close your eyes, trying to sink into the silence, but it doesn’t bring comfort.

minji follows, sitting a few feet away, watching you, clearly wanting to understand. she can tell something’s off. "y/n," she says softly, her voice coaxing your eyes open, "is everything okay?"

you don’t respond right away, instead turning your head slightly to look at her. there’s something vulnerable in your eyes, a longing, a quiet ache. but you sigh, closing your eyes again, trying to swallow it all down.

"i’m sorry," you whisper after a beat.

"for what?" minji asks gently, scooting closer to you, her hand hovering over yours as if she’s not sure whether to reach for you or not.

"everything," you mutter, voice thick with regret. "minji, i’m sorry for everything."

she shifts even closer now, her hand softly covering yours, her thumb brushing lightly against your skin. "is this about…" she trails off, already knowing what you’re referring to.

"yeah," you say quietly, eyes still closed, voice tight. "i’m sorry. i’m so sorry." your voice breaks, and you finally open your eyes, but you can’t look at her. "you didn’t deserve what i did. i’m sorry i debuted with you, i’m sorry for all of it. god, minji, i’m so sorry."

"y/n," she breathes out softly, her hand gripping yours a little tighter now. "we were young. we didn’t know—"

"i didn’t want to break up with you," you blurt out, cutting her off. "my company… they saw my lockscreen. i’m so stupid. they made me break your heart." the words spill out, your voice raw and trembling. "you were never a burden. i never stopped loving you. seeing you now, after all this time, you’ve grown into this incredible person, and i… i can’t stop loving you. it’s killing me. i don’t deserve to love you after what i did. i tried to push it down, but i can’t. i hate myself for it." your breath catches in your throat, tears welling up as you force yourself to keep talking. "you’re so perfect. you’re everything i could never be."

"y/n, stop," minji pleads, her voice thick with emotion, but you pull your hand away, retreating from her touch.

"no, you don’t get it," you say, shaking your head. "you’re perfect, minji. i’m being compared to you every day, and i’m nothing like you. you’re the role model, you’re everything the group needs. and i’m just… i’m an asshole. i tried so hard to keep things casual, to pretend i was fine, but i’m not. i’m not fine. i’m still so in love with you that it hurts." you pause, voice faltering, barely holding it together. "i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry."

minji’s eyes fill with tears as she listens, her heart clearly breaking for you, for everything you’ve carried alone. she tries to pull you in again, to comfort you, but you push her away one last time, unable to accept the closeness.

and she doesn’t push further. she just watches, her heart breaking alongside yours.

a tear slips from her eyes, she’s looking at your trembling body and unstoppable flow of tears. minji shakes her head, opting for holding your hands instead, her fingers brushing against your knuckles.

“y/n, do you remember what i told you before?”

“what?”

“y/n i hated you for a good amount of time. but time made me realize that we were both just trying to reach our dreams, and if that meant you sacrificing us, then… i support you. i did support you. that never stopped me from loving you either.”

you stay silent and look at her through tear lined eyes.

“i tried to push down a lot, and it hurts to see that you’re hurting from doing the same thing as me. as your member, as your friend, and… as someone who loves you beyond measure: i don’t want you to hurt anymore. it’s okay, y/n, it’s okay.”

you let her pull you in this time, her tears stain your hair and her arms wrap around you so warmly that all you can do is succumb to the tenderness. you sob into her shoulder, muttering at least three more “i’m sorry’s” into her.

“y/n, what i said before still goes. ‘i love you. i love you when i’m exhausted from practice, i love you when i’m stressed over exams, i love you when we only have a few minutes together… i love you every moment of every day.’ i never stopped loving you ever.” 

the memory echoes in your head, replaying the two times minji said it—both sincere, both heart-wrenching. you feel a little less terrible when her hands begin rubbing your back in slow, soothing circles. you can hear the slight crack in her voice, the way she tries to stay strong for you because that’s who she is—someone who always holds it together for everyone else. 

(“are you okay?” you’d asked her once, catching that brief shift in her expression, the kind she tried to hide. 

you took a better look at her that day, noticing the dark circles under her eyes, the slight lag in her movements, like she was carrying something heavy. it took her a few seconds to force a smile, nodding as if everything was fine.

“yeah, sorry,” she said casually, quickly turning her attention back to her food. “just thinking.”

“minji,” you said her name softly, reaching out to place your hand over hers. she looked up at you, a little surprised, her cheeks flushing slightly. “tell me what’s going on.”

“it’s fine, i—” she started, but you cut her off with a raised brow, your expression making her shrink a little under your gaze. the warm glow of the restaurant’s evening lights illuminated her features, the soft orange hue catching the tiredness in her eyes. she pursed her lips, letting out a small sigh before admitting, “everything’s been really difficult lately. i’m losing energy. i feel like i’m not doing well. it’s just… i wish you could be there with me more. thinking about you is what gets me through practice. knowing i’ll see you, even just once or twice a week, pushes me to keep going.”

you didn’t say anything at first, just pushed your bowl of noodles across the table towards her before standing up and sitting beside her instead of across. she looked at you, confused, but you reached for her hand again, holding it in both of yours as you gazed at her with all the love and understanding you felt.

“you’re always doing great, minji. no one’s doing it like you,” you said, voice soft but certain.

“really?” her voice was small, like she wasn’t sure if she should believe you.

“of course,” you reassured her, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to the side of her head before pulling back. “i’ve been feeling the same way. just the thought of you keeps me going. let’s be each other’s push, okay?”

minji’s face softened, her lips curving into a small smile. she nodded before leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to your lips.

“okay,” she whispered.) 

as you sit here now, her hands still rubbing comforting circles on your back, the memory feels bittersweet. she’s always been there for you, even when you couldn’t be there for her.

minji holds you close, her arms tight around you like she’s afraid you’ll slip away if she lets go. you bury your face deeper into the crook of her neck, your own arms wrapped around her, clinging like she’s your anchor.

“you’ve always been my push,” minji says softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “that’s never changed.”

she pulls back gently, lifting your head and brushing away the strands of hair that have stuck to your tear-streaked face. her own eyes are glassy, but she smiles through the tears, looking at you in a way that makes her feel exposed, vulnerable—like she’s seeing you for the first time all over again.

“can we try again?” you ask, voice trembling with hope and hesitation.

she blinks, heart racing. the weight of your question settles in the air, heavy and fragile. 

“of course,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “that’s all i’ve wanted.”

time seems to freeze, the air still around you as your eyes lock. it feels like you’re both sixteen again, standing in that alleyway after a long night at the street market, except this time it’s different. now you’re on the couch, in the dorm you both share because you made it—you both made it. you two achieved your dreams. but there’s always been something missing: each other.

minji cups your cheek, just like she did back then, but her touch is softer now, more tender, more vulnerable. her thumb strokes your skin as she leans in slowly, her eyes fluttering shut before her lips meet yours. it’s gentle, delicate, like she’s afraid you’ll crumble under the weight of her affection. your hand instinctively moves to rest atop hers, feeling the warmth of her knuckles against your cold skin. the kiss is soft, laced with the remnants of tears, but somehow it tastes sweet. everything you’ve been holding onto—all the fear, all the doubt—seems to melt away in that moment.

you pull back first, though only just. your lips hover near hers, close enough to feel her breath.

“i love you, minji,” you say, voice low but firm. “i’m never going to make you doubt that again.”

her eyes soften, and she brings her hand to the nape of your neck, pulling you in again. “i love you too, y/n,” she whispers, before pressing her lips to yours once more, this time with a little more certainty, a little more sweetness. like you’ve both finally found what you’ve been missing.

—

hyein stumbles into the living room, rubbing her eyes, not fully awake yet. she groans, dragging her feet toward the kitchen, but stops mid-step when she spots two familiar heads peeking out from the couch. her sleepy eyes narrow as she tries to make sense of what she’s seeing. the sight takes a moment to register, and when it finally does, a sleepy smile creeps onto her face.

you and minji are tangled together on the couch in what looks like an awkward but oddly comfortable position. your head is resting on her shoulder, one arm lazily draped over her, your hand clasped loosely with hers. minji’s other arm is wrapped around you protectively, her head tilted at an angle that looks uncomfortable, but somehow it balances out with the way yours is twisted. the corner of the couch has you two nestled in tight, looking cozy in your pajamas, mouths parted slightly, both of your eyes a little puffy from sleep—a little too puffy to be from sleep. hyein stares, completely baffled at how you both ended up like this.

haerin is the next to wake up, and she spots hyein standing by the couch, phone in hand, snapping a picture. haerin yawns as she saunters over, her head tilting like a curious cat when she catches sight of you two. her brows furrow, and before she can even ask, your head slips, falling from minji’s shoulder and landing in her lap. your torso twists in an awkward, almost painful-looking angle, but minji instinctively shifts, scooting over to make room and pulling you closer, making sure you’re both comfortable without even waking up.

"what’s with them?" haerin asks, her voice low and groggy, her eyes narrowing at her oldest members.

"dunno," hyein shrugs, amused. "i’ve never seen them this close."

"me neither."

before they can figure out what’s going on, hanni and danielle stroll in, spotting the younger girls gathered by the couch. curiosity piqued, they walk over to see what’s going on, and as soon as they do, their eyes widen in surprise. a grin spreads across hanni’s face, and she wastes no time whipping out her phone to capture the moment. she quickly airdrops the photo to danielle, who giggles as she looks down at her phone, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"what’s up with the parents?" hanni teases, barely able to hold back a laugh.

"parents?" haerin repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"just look at them."

you and minji remain tangled together, still sound asleep despite the odd position, yet somehow, you both look peaceful, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. your head rests in minji’s lap now, her hand still protectively holding yours, the two of you fitting together as if you’ve always been like this.

hyein and haerin exchange glances, amused but confused, while hanni and danielle quietly snicker like children who’ve stumbled onto something they weren’t supposed to see.

—

the next few weeks with promotions still going on postpones the time you get to explain everything to your members. but eventually you and minji sit down with them in the living room, going over the whole timeline of events and earning a variety of reactions.

your members gather around, all seated in the living room, eyes trained on you and minji. there’s a tense sort of anticipation in the air, the kind that comes with heavy conversations. you and minji exchange a glance before diving into the timeline of everything— how it started, how it fell apart, and now, how you’ve found your way back to each other. each word feels like you’re lifting a piece of the weight that’s been suffocating you both for so long.

the reactions from your members are immediate. there are lots of “ohhhh”s and “ahhhhs” as they start piecing things together, understanding slowly dawning on their faces. you see nods of realization, and even though some of the details are painful, they listen intently, faces softened with sympathy. they admit they’d sensed something was off but had never wanted to pry, giving you both the space they thought you needed. now, knowing the full story, their expressions shift to one of collective empathy, eyes filled with a kind of pity and concern.

you and minji sit close, your hands intertwined, a subtle reassurance to each other that it’s okay to finally share this. as you speak, minji’s thumb rubs gentle circles against your skin, grounding you when the memories become too much. the frowns deepen as you recount the harder parts—the breakup, the misunderstandings, and the silent pain you both carried alone. but there’s also relief. it’s evident in the way your members nod along, like everything makes sense now. they’ve always had your backs, and now it feels like they’re rooting for you even harder.

"we never wanted to push," hanni finally says, her voice soft, almost apologetic. "we figured you two just needed time."

danielle nods along, her eyes a little glossy, while haerin sits quietly, processing it all. hyein, surprisingly, offers a small smile, "i’m glad you guys worked it out."

you and minji exchange another look, this time a lighter one. something close to peace settles over you both, like a burden’s been lifted now that the truth is out there. it feels good to be understood, to no longer have to hide the past or the pain from the people closest to you.

this isn’t like before—and that’s a good thing. there’s no going back to what was, because now you’re both different, stronger, and this version of “normal” is something you’d choose over and over again. you’ll grow alongside minji, hand in hand, side by side, and she’ll be growing with you too.

you wouldn’t trade anything in the world for this.

—-

"you called?"

“texted, but close enough,” you respond with a smirk. minji rolls her eyes playfully before plopping onto your bed, looking at you curiously. 

“did you need something?” she asks, her voice soft but carrying a hint of amusement.

“i just remembered something,” you say, moving toward the bed. “i wanted to show you it—give it to you before your shoot. you said you had to leave in twenty, right? well, i found this while i was organizing things."

“what is it?” she asks, her curiosity piqued. her eyes follow your movements as you crouch down, pulling a slightly worn shoe box from under the bed.

you smile as you open the lid, revealing a collection of small mementos—photos, letters, and trinkets that instantly stir up memories for both of you. minji leans closer, her eyes widening slightly when she recognizes some of the items.

“i never threw anything out,” you explain, voice tinged with a hint of nostalgia. “i couldn’t. i remember you gave me two copies of this because you couldn’t keep one at your place while we were both trainees. i’ve always kept it… never really looked at it after everything, though… after i…”

your voice trails off, the weight of that unfinished sentence hanging in the air. minji, understanding without needing an explanation, moves from the bed and sits beside you on the floor. her shoulder presses against yours, a silent comfort.

you reach into the box, pulling out a photo strip. it’s from one of your dates, back when things were simpler, when everything felt new. you flip it over, revealing four small photos in sequence. the first has your cheeks pressed together, wide smiles on both your faces. in the second, you’re both forming a heart with your hands. the third shows minji kissing your cheek, and the last one has you kissing hers. your smile deepens as you hand it to her.

minji stares at the strip, her fingers lightly tracing the edges of the photos. her expression softens, caught between disbelief and tenderness. you two were so young back then, but the love captured in the pictures is unmistakable—just like the love that still exists between you now. she glances at you, her gaze full of warmth.

“now you can keep it,” you say, voice gentle, “without worrying about anyone taking it from you.”

“y/n…” minji whispers, her voice so quiet, so filled with awe. she hugs you tightly, and before you know it, she's covering your face with kisses, one after the other, until finally, she presses her lips to yours in a long, tender kiss that feels like everything you've been holding back for so long.

“i seriously love you so much,” she breathes out when she pulls away, her forehead resting against yours.

“i love you more,” you reply, grinning.

“more than timbits?” she teases, raising a brow.

you giggle, poking her cheek. “don’t get ahead of yourself now.”

[tetsuissohot]

Lice?!

☆summary. you check their head for lice!

☆warning/tags: fem!reader, mostly crack, fluff, jkk men with lice?

☆word count: 1.3k

☆a/n: I don't know how I came up with these, but I still hope you enjoy and that this brings a smile to your face!

Nanami Kento | Gojo Satoru | Toji Fushiguro | Geto Suguro | Choso

Nanami approached you in the living room, looking uncharacteristically flustered. He adjusted his tie for the third time in two minutes, clearly uncomfortable.

"Y/N," he said, voice calm but with an underlying urgency, "I need you to check my head."

You blinked, setting down the book you were reading. "Uh, what?"

Nanami sighed, running a hand through his perfectly styled blond hair. "It’s nothing serious... well, probably nothing. But I’ve noticed I’ve been itching. A lot. I can’t afford to be distracted on the next mission, so just... check."

You suppressed a smile, biting your lip. Seeing the always-composed Nanami unsettled by something as simple as an itchy scalp was too adorable.

“Sure thing,” you said, standing up and motioning for him to sit on the couch. “Come here, let me take a look.”

Nanami sat down, stiff as a board, his back straight and eyes fixed ahead as if preparing for battle. You took a seat behind him, fingers gently parting his hair.

After a few moments, you broke the silence. “So, should I call Satoru if I find anything? Maybe he’ll bring you a lice comb—”

“No.” Nanami cut you off instantly, his voice firm. “Under no circumstances should Gojo find out about this.”

You chuckled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “Relax. No lice. You’re clear.”

Nanami visibly relaxed. "Thank you." He stood up, adjusting his suit once more. "But remember, we never speak of this again."

"Agreed," you said with a grin. "But if you’re ever itching to come back for a check-up, let me know."

He shot you a deadpan look. “Not funny, Y/N.”

Gojo waltzed into the room with his usual swagger, but something was off. He scratched his head casually, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t bothered, but you caught the third scratch in as many minutes.

“Babe,” he began, a playful grin tugging at his lips, “you wouldn’t mind checking my head for lice, would you?”

You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Lice? Satoru, you literally have Infinity. What, did they evolve to pass through it?”

Gojo plopped down on the couch beside you, leaning in close. “Listen, Infinity protects against curses, not tiny, itchy creatures. They might be cleverer than we think. I can’t risk this perfect hair being infested.”

You snorted, grabbing the comb from the table. “You really think you’ve got lice?”

Gojo gave you a dramatic shrug, scratching his head again. “Well, if you loved me, you’d check and make sure. You wouldn’t want the strongest sorcerer being brought down by some tiny bugs, right?”

You rolled your eyes, but part of you found his vulnerability oddly endearing. “Fine, hold still. Let me make sure your Infinity isn’t on vacation.”

You ran the comb through his hair while he hummed, grinning all the while. “You know, I could get used to this. You, doting on me, fingers in my hair. It’s pretty romantic if you think about it.”

“Keep talking and I’ll start charging you for this,” you teased. “Also, no lice. Your perfect hair is safe for now.”

Gojo beamed and leaned back, dramatically throwing an arm over his eyes. “Ah, wonderful! I guess I’ll have to come up with a new excuse for you to pamper me next time.”

You playfully pushed his shoulder. “Get out of here, drama king.”

Toji barged into the room with his usual swagger, but the moment he started scratching the back of his head, you knew something was up.

“Toji?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

He scratched again and grunted. “Yeah, yeah. I know how this looks.”

You blinked. “Like you need some flea powder?”

Toji shot you a glare but then sighed, leaning against the wall. “Look, I’ve been itchy, okay? Maybe it’s nothing, but I need you to check my hair. Make sure I don’t have any of those... lice things.”

You had to stifle a laugh. Toji Fushiguro, the man who took down powerful sorcerers and curses, was worried about lice.

“You? Lice?” You chuckled, motioning for him to sit. “Aren’t you supposed to be too tough for something like that?”

He scowled, sitting down with a huff. “Just check. I don’t want to be distracted on a job.”

You grabbed the comb, shaking your head as you began parting his hair. “This might be the first time I’ve seen you worried about something so... small.”

Toji grumbled. “I’m not worried, I’m just... irritated.”

After a minute or so of combing through his thick, dark hair, you grinned. “No lice. You’re good. Maybe you’re just allergic to being so grumpy.”

Toji looked over his shoulder, his smirk returning. “If you’re done messing with me, maybe you can help me... de-stress.”

You flicked his ear and laughed. “Sure, but next time, try not to come in here scratching like a stray dog.”

You were chilling in the couch when Geto came in, looking suspiciously thoughtful. He sat down beside you, scratching his head absentmindedly.

"Y/N," he started, his voice soft but curious, "do you know what’s causing this? I’ve been itching for days."

You tilted your head, looking at him with amusement. “Scratching your head a lot lately, huh? Want me to check for lice?”

Geto chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “Lice? Really? That’s your diagnosis?”

You shrugged, already grabbing the comb. “Well, you’ve been scratching a lot, and lice don’t care how strong a sorcerer is.”

Geto leaned back slightly, allowing you to start combing through his long black hair. “I’ve exorcised curses and fought cursed spirits my whole life, but I never thought I’d need protection from something so... mundane.”

You laughed softly. “Well, even sorcerers can’t escape normal human problems.”

Geto closed his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. “I suppose that’s what I have you for. Keep me grounded in the world of lice and hair care.”

You chuckled, running the comb gently through his hair. “Exactly. Someone has to make sure you don’t lose your head over a few itchy spots.”

After a few moments, you gave him a pat on the shoulder. “All clear. No lice.”

Geto smiled, his eyes soft as he glanced over at you. “Thank you, my love. I feel much more at peace now.”

You kissed his cheek. “Glad I could help. Anything else bothering you? Maybe you’re allergic to all that long hair.”

Geto grinned. “Perhaps... or maybe it’s just an excuse to have you take care of me.

Choso shuffled into the room, looking slightly unsure of himself. He scratched his head awkwardly, avoiding your gaze.

“Y/N,” he started slowly, “I... think I might have lice.”

You blinked at him, surprised by the blunt admission. “Wait, what? Why would you think that?”

He scratched again, looking down at his feet. “I’ve been itching a lot, and I heard some people say that could mean... lice. I’m not sure, but it’s starting to worry me.”

You smiled softly, walking over to him. “Hey, it’s okay. Sit down, I’ll check for you.”

Choso obediently sat down, his shoulders tense as you grabbed the comb and began parting his hair. His usually calm demeanor was replaced by visible uncertainty.

“I’m not familiar with this... lice thing,” he admitted quietly, glancing up at you. “But it doesn’t sound good.”

You chuckled softly. “It’s just tiny bugs that can live in your hair. Annoying, but not dangerous. And don’t worry, if you’ve got them, I’ll help you get rid of them.”

Choso relaxed a bit under your touch, his tense shoulders lowering. “I’m glad you’re here. I’d have no idea how to handle something like this.”

You finished checking his hair and smiled. “Good news, Choso—no lice. You’re safe.”

Choso looked up at you, visibly relieved. “Thank you. I feel much better now.”

You ruffled his hair affectionately. “Next time you’re itching, just come to me. I’ll make sure it’s nothing serious.”

He smiled softly, his eyes warm. “I’ll remember that.”

Thank you for reading until the end! I hope you enjoyed it. This piece was more of a spontaneous writing, so there may be some imperfections in the scenario. I just had these ideas and wanted to put them down quickly. xoxo

[towriteloveontheirarms]

I missed talking to you (modern!bodyguard!Criston Cole x Reader)

synopsis: He was hired to protect you. However, he does so much more.

warnings: age gap, smut, p in v, fucking in the bathtub, semi public sex, afab reader

word count: 2.4k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall @urmomsgirlfriend1 @bucknastysbabe

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

Dividers by me

The room is dark, safe for the dim glow of a TV illuminating a small space around itself. The sound of the video that had been playing for the past couple hours is drowned out by growing frustration. The clock on your phone shows a more than ungodly time, that brings you to huff and turn around a little more forcefully than necessary, the bed protesting against the way you let yourself fall back on it carelessly. But to no surprise even that doesn't work and so, with a groan you force yourself to get up. The idea was that walking around and grabbing a snack could potentially help. Hopefully. And so you sneak out of the room to the kitchen, where you are met with Criston Cole, the bodyguard your father had hired for you.

“Shouldn't you be long asleep?” The tall man asks with a gruff voice.

He remembers you wishing him a good night, hours earlier. The clock showed past 4am now.

“Yeah, I should.” You chuckle bitterly. “I'm just gonna make some tea and then I'm gone again.”

Cole nods silently and continues to drink his coffee. His beautiful dark eyes are trained on your neck the entire time you wait for the kettle to cook the water inside. You can feel them like a warm sensation spreading through your back. You had long since stopped to wonder what might be going on behind the windows to his soul. Deciding that, whatever it may be, would forever remain a mystery to you. At times your friends had commented though that it looked like he wanted to eat you or that he looked ready jump in front of a bullet for you. The latter was easy to ignore. He was your bodyguard after all. The first was less so.

Your train of thought is broken up by the kettle whistling. Carefully you put it in a cup along with the tea. The cup gently warming your hands. It's comforting.

You turn to Cole once more and not again. “Good night.”

“Good night.” Is his quiet answer, accompanied by another short nod.

And with that you are off to bed.

Multiple days pass idly by without any further happenings, when your friends words get to you. He looks like he wants to eat you. No matter how much you try to lie to yourself, the thought itself, without being thought into much, is a rather exciting one. So, one evening while you relax in the bathtub, you work up the nerves to test that theory.

“Criston, could you come in here for a moment?” You call through the door in the loveliest voice you can muster.

“Yes, miss? Do you need anything?” His voice comes through a crack in the door immediately.

“Don't be shy. Come in. And how often have I told you not to call me miss?” The amused lilt in your voice is clearly noticeable.

“O-of course...” Even though you are entirely covered with foam his eyes stay focused on the ground before the tub. “What is it you may need?”

“It's not nice to not look at the person you are talking to, you know?” You put on a small pout. Though it comes as a surprise when he looks at you, the tan skin of his cheeks erupting in a dark cherry colour.

“My apologies, mi… My apologies.” He mumbles hastily, expectantly awaiting your answer to his earlier question.

“Criston, I’m bored.” You make a show if yawning and stretching your arms over your head. “Can you join me? Please?”

The plea is met with him choking on his own spit. Coughing violently, tears shooting into his eyes as he does so. “I think that would be most inappropriate. In fact, I´m not even sure if I should be in here right now.”

"Awww, come on? My father is not gonna find out and I could really use some company in here." Propping your chin up on one arm on the edge of the tub, you dunk your other hand just below the surface, pulling it out to flick the little droplets in the direction of his chest.

You see the resolve in his eyes, but it is slowly wearing thin. Not that it looked particularly strong to begin with. A bit of fluttering with your lashes and he is basically gone, looking like he is ready to pounce on you as the two of you hastily remove his clothes and settle in the tub together. Exchanging heated kisses as he lifts you into his lap, tongues exploring each other’s mouths as your hands commit every inch of the other´s body to memory. The loud moan as he enters you is muffled by one of his rough hands over your mouth, trying desperately to keep anyone from hearing what the two of you are doing. The water and foam slosh against the porcelain, yet the only thing able to swallow both of your moans is the bruising, breath stealing kiss that dogs up your mind like the hot water does the room. Your hands travel over his chest restlessly, eliciting a new deep groan every time your fingers brush against the sensitive peaks. At the same time Criston’s rough hands massage your lower cheeks, lightly spreading them as he guides you up and down on his hard length. All the while your wet chests rub against each other, a sheen of sweat covering your bodies from the heat in the bathroom and your exertion.

Your moans and groans echo through the room and bounce off the tiles, but the longer you go on, the less either of you can bring yourselves to care about being caught. As the knot in your stomach draws tighter, your hands go up into Criston's dark hair to pull his head back. Resting your forehead against his, your noses touching, yet neither of you moves in to close the kiss again. Rather just remaining like this as the movement of your hips grows more frenzied from enjoyment, breathing into each other with loose hanging jaws. The dizziness resulting from it seems to only add to your sensitivity. Criston's strong arms bring you down harder and faster on his lap, eliciting even louder sounds from your lungs and pulling tears of pleasure from your eyes. The salty droplets rolling over your cheeks before joining the water that encompasses the two of you. His body begins to shake uncontrollably and before you can ready yourself, the waves of an orgasm crash over him. Despite the tremors, Criston keeps thrusting into you until you join him in the throes of his ecstasy. Fucking you through the climax until your legs still. Only then he unceremoniously lifts you off him and sits you down in the tub and dries himself off, getting dressed to stand in front of the door to take up his duty once more. Your eyes follow his every move all the while, beginning to shiver as the now cold water seeps into the still warm skin. Neither of you dares to utter a word. Silently vowing secrecy as to what had just happened. A promise Criston keeps a little too well as he only speaks to you when entirely necessary from that moment on.

The party was boring you already. Your father had wandered off to network as soon as you had arrived about a half hour ago which had stretched to eternity. Sitting at the bar you nursed a glass of wine, staring holes into the fabric of space and time as you hoped it would be over soon. And while you were lucky enough to not be bothered by any of your fathers’ coworkers, the holes Criston Cole's dark eyes burned into you didn't go quite as unnoticed as he probably would have hoped. The warm sensation has become a sort of normality ever since your moment in the bath. Spreading out from the pit of your stomach, as the brown eyes roamed over your body in the fancy dress that you couldn't wait to get out of as soon as you came home. Downing the red contents of the glass, you stand up and wander off through the long corridors, knowing that the dark-haired man would follow.

Your mind is set on clearing up his avoidant behaviour. Once you are far away enough for the sounds of the party to have fainted to a quiet buzz in the back of your ears, you finally turn to the man that followed you like a shadow.

“Do you plan on never talking to me ever again?” You ask him with crossed arms and a huff falling from your lungs.

Frustration is etched onto both of your faces and filling the air around. “I´m sorry. I wasn´t aware my job required to also be your friend.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. If you regret fucking me so much, why didn't you just resign and safe everyone this stupid farce?” You argue back.

Promptly you feel the cold wall press against your front in an opposite sensation to his warm hand quieting you with a hand over your mouth once more, bringing back memories of your shared moment in the bathtub.

“Shhh or do you want anyone finding out?” He hisses into your ear, yet further down you can feel something hard press against your lower back. Pushing back against it elicits a low groan from the dark-haired man. A deep, throaty growl follows directly after as he finds the back of your neck and shoulders. Kissing and biting along your skin, his free hand tightly grabs your hair to pull it out of the way.

"Are you going to behave if I let go of your mouth, hm?" Criston's voice is barely above a husky whisper against the shell of your ear.

"Yes, I promise. I just need you so bad" you are just as desperate as he is.

In this state he could have asked almost anything of you and once his hand is removed from your mouth you would have agreed to it in an instant.

"Good girl... I'll make it good for you, but you have to be quiet. Can you do that?"

You can only answer in a hurried nod.

“Good.” Criston whispers.

The hand that was previously clamped over your mouth finds its way down your body and bunches up the fabric of your skirt until his fingertips brush against the lace of your panties.

“You knew this would happen, didn't you? Such a dirty girl.” he rasps, grinding his hips against you a bit harder. “Someone should punish you.”

“Please, punish me.” your voice shudders along with your breath.

When you turn your head to look at him your eyebrows are pulled down and drawn together in a pleading tone.

At the promise of a punishment your heart can't help but beat faster. Your lower lip immediately fits between your teeth, biting down hard to suppress the moan trying to escape as his palm makes harsh contact with your ass.

“Better be quiet. Otherwise, someone might find out what a dirty girl little miss perfect really is.” Criston taunts you.

The next slap is delivered even harsher, causing you to bite down on your lip until a very faint coppery taste introduces itself to your tongue. The hand rubs over the reddened flesh, soothing the stinging pain while Criston’s other hand snakes its way into your panties.

In response you press your behind closer to his front, feeling him groan in your ear as the movement of his hips speeds up. Instinctively you begin to rub against his fingers circling your clit. Whining from the stimulation. Stuttered breaths stumble from your lips as you desperately try to keep quiet. Only for your heart to be sent into overdrive as Criston lets go of your rear to turn your head and crash your lips together. Your hands claw at the wall, trying to find some purchase as your body gets rocked back and forth with every thrust against your backside. All the while thick digits enter your heat, curling upwards to play with your sweet spot immediately. The palm of Criston’s hand still rubs at your sensitive clit, making you see stars through half closed eyes, quiet moans get barely stifled by the hungry crashing and lapping of joined lips. Easily to be heard by anyone who would pass by you by chance, and they only grow more frantic. The air gets pushed out of your lungs entirely as you get trapped in tighter between the cold hard wall and the warm, tall body behind you, pushing you against it more. A wet tongue darts out to lick over the shell of your ear.

Criston begins to tremble with ecstasy first. A wet spot growing on the fabric separating your back from his front. Breathy groans fan hot over the side of your face and teeth nip at your earlobe. All of a sudden you freeze in bliss. Eyes rolled back and pressed tightly together, lips parted loosely in a silent scream all come together to a mask of unmistakable and unmatched pleasure. It feels as if your heart stops right along with your breath as waves of energy pulse through you, pumping the blood exceptionally fast through your veins to heighten your sensitivity as your whole body shakes and trembles in the little space between the wall and Criston's tall frame.

“I didn't regret what happened.” He whispers into the quiet, pulling your eyes from fixing your dress with a start.

“What?” The question is the only thing that comes to mind in the moment.

“I didn't regret it.” Criston repeats a little louder. “I just needed some time to process it.”

“Have you processed it now?” Even though you feel stupid for asking, the question is out before you can hold it back. “Because I would like to do it again if you are up to it.”

The dark-haired man nods. “I would like that too.”

“Good.” You smile at him, your eyes softening as they meet his. Together the two of you make your way back to the event, hoping your absence hasn't been too noticeable.

“I kinda missed talking to you.” You admit to Criston, the words barely above a whisper over your shoulder. A last quiet moment between the two of you, to make the rest of the night more bearable.

[joontroverted]

siren sweet, swim with me

pairing : nanami kento x reader

fandom : jujutsu kaisen

tags : pop idol reader, cfo nanami, fluff, angst, smut (later on), more tags to be added as the fic progresses

status : ongoing

summary :

after all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. the best we can do is breathe and -

carrie bradshaw did not know what the fuck she was talking about. because when your international sensation girl group STARDUST collapses in on itself, everything you've ever known is hanging on by a thread.

disgruntled and exhausted, nanami kento, cfo, knows everything there is to know about his life. the books, the cash flow- the world he had built for himself made sense. until now. as the irrational nagging sense of uncertainty leads to a random moment of circumstance, the two of your lives are entangled.

ie. it's entirely up to you as to whether you'll shine in the spotlight, or explode and fade into obscurity like a supernova. it's also up to you as to whether you want to fall for the disgustingly handsome office worker.

author's note : first nanami long fic! can you tell i'm scared? anyways, this is an idea i've hadd since summer. summer! i'm glad i've gotten started finally 🥲 this is just the first chapter so it's just the set up. hope you have fun!

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

index -

chapter 1 (ao3)

yuki's staring at you in a way that makes you want to reach across the table and swing your fist across her face.

you would've, if yuki wasn't very very important to you, and wasn't still built like a wrestler.

“it's fine,” you mutter. “i'm fine,” you repeat, more clearly this time. your phone buzzes in your bag.

yuki blinks, breaking herself out of her dead stare for a moment. “you're not, but that's fine. no one would be, at the moment, and that's all right!”

pushing her chair back, she gets up and makes her way to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. her blonde bangs tickle your face as she leans in closer, and her ginormous tits cover your arm from both sides as if hugging you to comfort you. if your mind wasn't running a million miles an hour and constantly hitting dead ends, you'd probably feel a little more comforted and a little less... crushed.

she waves a hand in front of you, as if gesturing to a marvellous new life. “we just need some time to rebrand you! some new girls, a fresh new concept, dye your hair some color we haven't done before and you're ready to hit the stage again!”

your eyes widen at that. “no.”

yuki straightens. “what do you mean, no?”

“i'm not joining a new group!”

“well you wouldn't be joining a group, you'd be the centre of a new group. the new group would be formed for you!”

“well i don't want that. i wanna be a solo artist now.”

there. you've said it. you've put the dreaded words out there, and now it's real. and judging by the way yuki's face falls, it's a reality that's not gonna come to fruition smoothly.

she straightens, her warmth leaving you. “oh.”

you bite your lip and look into her eyes. “just say it. tell me how terrible of an idea you think it is.”

“it's a terrible idea.”

she can probably see how your face falls, because yuki does something that yuki rarely does. she backtracks.

“or, what about a hiatus? you can go on a vacation! you can make a whole trip out of it, show how travel has healed you, you could even attend a few events with some international artists, and that could bring in a whole new crowd, huh?”

you put your face in your hands and shake your head, as you feel your phone buzzing away in your bag again. “yumi's already done the healing journey thing, and it's actually authentic to her.”

“yumi was never cut out for this life, don't compare yourself to her,” says yuki, her tone sharp. “of course she'd love frolicking in fields,” she grumbles.

you grin, despite her words. “yumi's doing great, by the way.”

“i know,” says yuki, folding her arms, “we've been in touch. you're attending the lauch party aren't you?”

“launch gathering,” you correct. “she's living a simple life now.”

“she can die."

“yuki!” you giggle.

“it's not the fact that she left -you know i'm all about ethical work, it's why i made a whole agency- it's that she did it so suddenly! we had had so many discussions where she swore up and down on her own volition that she'd renew the contract and all it took was a week for her to tear down this... this empire that we've built!”

“she's a simple girl.”

“a real simple person would know that they want a simple life from the beginning. which so called simple person auditions five times and then trains for years and then debuts to become the biggest girl group of the generation? and then just dips?”

“she just needed a taste of the high life to know what she really needed. like buddha.”

“people live and die for this life. people live and die for what she has. had,” she grumbles, “and what about all that talent? is she truly going to be satisfied doing the dishes in her little down to earth cafe?”

“she was more than content doing the dishes back when we were poor. she'll hardly be doing the dishes in her cafe, she's a milliona-”

“a simple millionaire.” you both say at the same time, and then burst into laughter.

“we are getting wildly off topic,” says yuki, after a beat.

you stare at your shoes. “i know.”

“any chance you're gonna wanna take back what you just said?” she asks, looking slightly like she pities you.

“no,” you reply, feeling and looking a lot more pitiful.

she sighs and takes the chair next to you. the two of you are silent for a moment, and that gives you some time to take in her office. when yuki had begun as a manager no one took her seriously. no matter how successful and glamourous her career as a wrestler was, she was still a newbie in the entertainment industry and had neither weight nor connections to her name. she used what little connections she had and started off as an assisstant in one of the entertainment giants and worked her way up to manager. what she lacked in her network, she made up for greatly with her charisma and eagerness to learn about the industry. and then she met you.

her golden duck that lay gold eggs, is what she called you.

you were sure you were just an ugly duckling that blossomed into a swan under her care, but whatever.

she got sick and tired of being controlled by people who barely cared for the craft and cared even lesser about humans they managed, so she broke off from the company to start her own. and through a leap of faith, you followed her.

and the rest is history.

her last championship's belt that sits right above her chair glints at you, pink and white, sparkling away in the sunlight. the office is so yuki. gaudy, but neat and professional. rhinestone embedded decor sits on shelves, reminiscent of the 2000s with the nice fur carpet and the literal disco ball that hangs from the ceiling. framed pictures of all the other groups and artists under Star City Entertainment decorate the walls, but your group is the highlight, with multiple pictures, much bigger than the others.

STARDUST, the group that made the company sky rocket.

yuki wheels the chair around to face you.

“why?”

“it just seems... correct.”

she purses her lips together. “i'd rather you not make me say it, but it's my duty as your manager to be frank with you. you don't really have what it takes to be a solo artist.”

“well, we can work on that, there are so many- ”

she holds a hand up. “especially after being a part of such a prominent group for so long. the general public love you but the fans already know that you neither write nor make the music. being involved in the behind the scenes is way more important to fans than before and it defines an artist a lot more these days. it gives them cause and meaning, some attachment to the craft that they're selling themselves with. you had yumi and seika to distract the fans from that before, but now it's just you. how long can you hold on to star power? and how far will that alone take you?”

the best thing about yuki is that she's brutally honest and always looks out for you. the worst thing about yuki is that she's brutally honest and always looks out for you.

it's as if her words have opened a chest of secrets that you had locked and chained deep inside you. your flaws were not flaws when you were in the group. they were just... things that you didn't need to do.

seika was good at producing and song writing, tasks that she was more than happy to have her hand in. yumi was musically talented beyond words. to date there hadn't been an instrument that she didn't excel in, and her voice seemingly knew no bounds, considering she had professional training to be an opera singer before this.

and you did everything else.

main dancer, the looks, the socializing, the personality... the star power, was all yours. if there was one thing that you had, it was what it took to be the it girl of the group, of the generation, and that combination of skills among the three propelled STARDUST and subsequently, Star City Entertainment to massive success that only grew as the years passed.

it was an open secret that this was the division among all of you. but everyone was okay with that. everyone was happy to perform their role, do what they excelled at and what was expected out of them. you all dabbled in each other's work, as you naturally would after these many years together, but the recipe to your success was the three of you, exactly as you were. and now it's just you. without them, there's nothing for you to stand on. there's nothing to add your special touch, your sparkle on to.

anyone could tell that.

the reality of the situation grips you like an ice cold fist and the hollowness that you felt ever since the decision was made public expands like a vast cavern beneath your feet. you are all out of tears, but your face still threatens to scrunch up with dry sobs as your lip wobbles.

“why don't you want to be a part of a group?” asks yuki.

“as if what we had can be replicated,” you mutter. “i really don't have it in me to start afresh with new girls who would definitely be younger than me and definitely have some buried animosity for me right from the beginning. oh, and the people. they already scrutinize us from the ends of our hair to the nails of our toes, i can already hear all the people talking about how i peaked with STARDUST and it's not gonna happen again. and what about GALAXY? they're not gonna take me being in another group lightly! i wouldn't even be ble to call them GALAXY anymore!”

“we don't necessarily have to have a three member group. maybe a five member group this time? that would lessen the direct focus on you and give the four other girls a chance to shine!”

“or it could give four other girls a chance to hate me more for stealing their spotlight if we do well, or for being dead weight if we don't.”

“we could scout some girls from other big groups that just disbanded! that girl from CROWN seems to be popular and jobless at the moment. what about her?”

“i just don't see it! don't you think the public knows that we'd just be trying to recreate STARDUST? also neither yumi nor seika are continuing in a group because both of them know that it was a one time thing. it's the exact same chemistry, or nothing! it'd be such a mess.”

“and even that is a safer option than you as a soloist.”

“wow,” you breathe, laughing, leaning back. “wow.”

“i never mean to hurt you.”

“wouldn't it be so funny if i went home and committed suicide after all this? then we wouldn't have to worry about what i'm gonna do next. my name will be remembered forever, i'm gonna go out with a bang- literally!”

“okay!” says yuki, throwing her hands up. "you're going on a hiatus! go on a vacation! find a new hobby, do whatever you want, i don't care- " she narrows her eyes and points a sharp finger at you, "and no, you cannot commit suicide!"

"geez, can't a girl joke?" you roll your eyes. "and i don't think it'd be wise for me to go on hiatus right now. i'd lose momentum and i'd lose my mind."

"finally, you're saying things that make sense. we haven't yet released any news of this, so you're safe. the public still thinks that STARDUST is on hiatus after the last tour so we have time. GALAXY has, however noticed that there's a lack of posts on seika's twitter and instagram, which we will be dealing with. you and yumi have been posting regularly and innocently enough, which is good. all in all, you'll be fine! the tour was enormous, so it would definitely make sense that you guys are on the dl now doing your own thing..."

she goes on about how doing nothing is okay, and your mind wanders to how it all began.

yumi had been sobbing almost every day ever since the last concert in the last venue. it had all started from there. she couldn't keep up with being an idol, and you couldn't blame her. yumi was never really the type. she was from an upper middle class family, and a musical genius. a sweet girl, who started off with posting covers on youtube and then began to look into joining a group, because she too knew that a group helps make up for what she lacked, which was everything else. and now, richer and more than satisfied with the taste she got of the idol life, she said she'd be happier in the food industry and going back to posting covers as and when she felt like it.

yumi's waning passion had set off seika too, frustratingly enough. seika was the opposite of yumi. she had joined the company as a producing intern which somehow led to her becoming a trainee, and when she always seemed to get the sound and the music for the concepts just right and picked up dance quick enough, there she was. she took it all in stride because everything seemed to work out just well, but even she knew that yumi leaving would finally give her an opportunity to come back to her origins and true passion.

your lip wobbles again, and you tune back to yuki just in time to hear her listing out things that you could do during hiatus.

" -of them are so fucking stupid, but i'm sure we can find someone sexy. a fun fling with an actor, how 'bout that? when was the last time you had a cute little scandal, huh? or you could study something, oh! you could do some volunteer work with animals, you used to be a horse girl, right? i think we could really- “

the door slams open, and the two of you jump at the sound. utahime iori stands at the doorway, mouth screwed up.

“are you incapable of picking up your phone?”

“hime!” you say, surprised.

“and what are you doing here?” asks yuki.

utahime ignores her. instead she makes her way to you, throwing her arms around you in a hug. she pulls back and looks into your eyes. “you're gonna be okay. so what if STARDUST disbands? you'll be the main girl of a new group!”

“see, even she thinks it'll be a great idea to be in a new group.”

“i wanna be a soloist,” you say dully staring at utahime's chest which is in eye level.

“exactly, and you're gonna be the greatest soloist ever!”

“oh please, not this again, i just talked her out of it!” yuki groans. “and how did you know about this? did you tell her?”

“no she didn't, have some faith in her. i put two and two together. seika's been more or less sleeping over in the studio with all the free time, yumi's gallivanting around the world, happier than ever and this one's been completely MIA other than the mandatory appearances at events. if they were gearing up for another comeback they would've been discussing concepts by now. also, i find it really insulting that you didn't tell me, ya know?” she concludes, looking down to you.

utahime iori, former trainee, part time choreographer/back up dancer but full time makeup artist to STARDUST. also, your closest friend. it's kinda sad that all your friends are more or less your co workers. yumi and seika, yuki and hime. now everyone's camaraderie is to test considering you're not really working together anymore. suddenly you realize that you don't even have a job anymore.

“she's doing her job. i'm doing my job. and what exactly are you doing?” asks yuki, now standing up.

“i'm doing my job!” says utahime.

yuki cocks her eyebrow.

“my jooob,” she falters, looking away for a second, “of being her best friend. yeah. someone needs to look out for her and care for her, as a person- ”

“and that's what you do, looking out for and taking care of people, huh?”

oh for fuck's sake. you're sitting between the two women who are standing over you, and in any other moment, you would've enjoyed being seated between two gorgeous arguing women, who most definitely need to fuck each other instead. you and utahime had been friends ever since she was a trainee in Star City, but yuki and utahime only really met when she was assigned as one of the official makeup artists for the group. nearly everyone had been victim of their terrible... flirtationship, as seika called it.

these fools are not flirting. not on purpose at least. they've been so enamoured and amazed by each other's existence that they just have to do something about it but that sinething never meant dating or kissing or fucking, it meant quarreling and irritating everyone till the end of time. they can't seem to fathom the idea of dating each other, or at least utahime can't. you do believe that yuki is warming up to the idea of it considering there's been less push from her side and more of her allowing utahime to speak over her. as much as one can speak over yuki that is.

“are you guys done flirting,” you say flatly, eyes closed.

“we're not flirting!” they both declare.

“good, because i wanna leave.”

“oh?” says utahime. you open your eyes and you see her glance towards yuki for half a second before determinedly looking back at you and nodding. “yes! let's go! we're leaving!”

it's sweet that she stands by you although she would definitely like to f̶l̶i̶r̶t̶ argue with yuki more.

“let's go!” she loops her arm around yours and pulls you up. you turn around to look at a slightly disappointed yuki.

“bye yu,” you mutter, giving her a half hearted hug.

she in turn wraps her arms around you and squeezes tight, almost lifting you off of the ground. “don't worry kiddo! it'll all work out. just... hang in there, okay? think about what i said!" she finishes, looking kind of awkward.

kiddo. she's really feeling terrible.

you feel bad, but not really. you're glad you managed to upset her this much, considering how she and well, everyone, had no qualms in upsetting you.

except utahime, that is.

you nod and give in to utahime's tugging and follow her.

"do you want me to stick my tongue out at her? or pull a face? i can pull really ugly faces, you know, right?" she whispers to you.

"have at it!" you snort, exiting the room as you watch utahime turn and pull a face at yuki which is quite the feat, considering how pretty she is.

the door shuts behind you and you make your way out the building with her, arm in arm in silence. utahime hums as the two of you go to the parking lot and get into one of the company cars, with a driver waiting for you.

the moment you shut the door and the car is moving out the building from one of the back exits, you thank god for tinted windows as you immediately lay down, your head in utahime's lap, sniffling.

“oh!” she gasps.

watanabe is nice enough to have raised the partition the moment he started the car. you stare blearily out the window as you pass buildings as utahime gently strokes and twiddles with your hair.

“i'm sorry,” she says softly. “i really am.”

“i'm sorry. you don't have a job anymore.”

“mm, makeup artists always have a job. i just need to talk to some people and get the ball rolling. i'm always down for collabs and teaching classes. i'll be fine. although i've heard that the NDA Star City is sending around would require for us to be quiet about our unemployment till you release an official statement.”

you nod, wondering about the near hundred people employed both directly and indirectly due STARDUST, and whether they have it all sorted, or if they're scrambling. like you.

you pull up the group chat and send a quick text telling the girls that you'd like to send a confidential broadcast to everyone that they could reach out if they had issues finding a job. neither of them have even received the message. obviously. you toss the phone back into your bag and curl into utahime's stomach.

“what am i gonna dooo?” you groan, inhaling her sweet perfume.

“have you considered going home? spending some time with your family?"

"that's just escapism." your parents are worlds apart from yours. two middle middle class engineers, and no siblings. they're very important to you, but unless they give you a solution to this... this mess, you don't want to go to one of your few safe spaces and ruin it with your hopelessness. you need something concrete. something real.

"you could also..." you look up to see hime's face scrunched up the way it usually does when she's gonna say something so fuck ass. "you know your unemployment is not the same as anyone else's unemployment, right? you're a millionaire! you coud drop off the face of the earth and live off of royalty and stocks alone. and then when you're bored you could start an exclusive luxury clothing line and enter the industry again! loads of people have done it!"

you stare at her.

"i'm sorry."

"you should be."

"do you want some ice cream?"

"yes. get some for watanabe san too. you're buying though, i'm unemployed now."

she flicks your nose before she asks watanabe to stop the car near an ice cream truck. utahime's popular, but only in the industry. regardless, she snaps on a face mask and heads out to the truck.

what if you became a host. like for a show like too hot to handle or single's inferno. what if you joined a show. you could enter like a special contestant in the middle and topple the social heirarchy that was established there. the analysis videos would be come aplenty with that one, oh and so would the downfall of the generation's it girl video essays. you don't watch or consume news/media about yourself but you do watch a lot of video essays so what would you do if one of your favourite youtubers made one about you? you could hang yourself and give them more to talk about. no, that's way too serious, even for you. what if you got a regular--

"-- and here we have roasted almond for my baby! and plain ol' vanilla for watanabe san, no, put your wallet down! we insist!"

you bristle, getting up from still being curled up on the backseat. leaning back, you lick the side of the cone that has ice cream threatening to dribble down your hand and wonder if this really is the end of it all.

"it is."

“um, should i perhaps inform gojo san of the time? i don't think it's healthy to-- "

"ijichi."

"i'm sorry! just give me five minutes, i will be back!"

kento watches as ijichi scurries away round the corner. he sighs. he never means to be short with ijichi but anything that doesn't directly contribute to solving an issue at hand doesn't require more than a simple conversation, let alone an entire back and forth.

it's even more insulting that ijichi thinks that satoru has any say over how long he's working. satoru wouldn't care less if he worked from his office or if he worked from a rager in aruba. he thinks he'd even prefer it.

speaking of satoru, he hasn't seen him the entire day. they hadn't had any meetings that required more than a phone call and one he had meeting with suguru, but suguru had been happy to come over to his office to talk. just the thought of the two of them makes his eyes immediately unwillingly flit over to the other side of the floor. to the wide office far opposite to him, past the darkness of the empty cublicle space, he can see the yellow light from one of satoru's newer lamps on and the blinds shut. a wave of irritation passes through him before he forcibly dismisses the thought, aching for the bitter taste of the coffee he's awaiting.

he has work to do.

he slides his spectacles back down to his nose bridge from where they were perched on his forehead and cringes with the initial burn from staring at the screen. has his power increased? he should get it checked and changed, he notes down mentally.

“nanamin!”

oh he is going to gut ijichi alive.

he looks up and it seems that ijichi seems to value his life because he's made himself scarce. instead at his office door, bouncing from one foot to the other, swaying from side to side, clearly not caring for the well being of the coffee in his hand is gojo satoru.

“and where is ijichi?” asks kento, motioning for his coffee.

satoru takes that as an invitation to enter and sprawl his upper half over kento's desk, smiling face staring down at him, coffee still in his hand. kento snatches it back carefully. clearly he's going to need it now more than ever.

“ijichi came cowering to my office saying that my cute kouhai's on his eighth coffee of the day! made it seem like i'm some terrorizing dictator making his precious nanami san work overtime. that's hardly the truth now, is it?” he says, pulling a sad face, expectantly looking at kento.

kento sips his coffee. “ijichi did not make this.”

“and he never could! i sent him home. i made the coffee myself, you're welcome. one could call me a humble man.”

kento grunts. one never would. however both of them knew that while ijichi's coffee is what he expected, satoru made his taste... unfortunately nice.

“i'm nearly done. i'll just finish looking over this bit and then i'm packing. you can go back to your office.” he waves to satoru, eyes back on the screen. placebo effect or not, the caffeine makes sifting through all the numbers a little less of a task this time.

there's silence as kento makes his way down the document, making sure that it was up to expectations, the only sound being the squeak of his chair as he leans forward at times to see something more clearly.

“are you done yet? because i finished reading that almost a minute ago and it's all good.”

satoru's made his way to behind kento and is leaning over his shoulder, speaking directly into his ear.

kento exits out of the document with a smash of keys. “what do you want?” he bellows.

satoru reaches out to his computer, shutting it down over kento's head, literally, and then spins kento to face him. if kento ground his teeth anymore, he'd have a mouth full of powder.

“i need you.”

“you have three seconds, maximum.”

“okey dokey. i'm inviting superstar it girl of our generation, the only icon more iconic than me, celestial beauty siren to the party.”

kento nods, getting up to leave. “amazing. i'll try to contain my excitement."

“it will not be easy,” says satoru, pushing kento down. he scoots his ass onto his table, chin in hand. “it won't be easy at all.”

kento rolls his eyes. “and why is that,” he says, flatly.

that actually makes satoru fully direct his attention to him, a grin spreading across his face. “boy, do i have some gossip for you!” he cackles. “but you need cross your heart and hope to die pwomise not to tell anyone what i'm just about to tell you!”

kento crosses his heart with one finger, head in hand.

“okay so initially i wanted to invite the whole damn group because duh, that's how the magic happens, but imagine the resistance i got from the company like damn not a single bitch in that building is available to speak to? i almost pulled a do you know who you're talking to? so i dug deep. or rather i bullied megumi to dig deep until i had to enter the field and take matters into my own hands. pull up a few contacts, ask a few favors- ”

“why is this one band so important to you?”

“group. girl group. anyways guess what i found!” satoru doesn't leave kento any time to answer, not that he had any answers. he leans forward conspiringly, his eyes a mix of mischief and malice. “STARDUST... is no more.”

“they died?” kento starts, taken aback. satoru's gossip was neither worth sharing nor listening, but for once he had delivered some quality news. a girl group that big? japan would be in shambles. nobara would be in shamles, he realizes.

“this is worse. they broke up!”

“and how is that worse?” he stands up, tired of this conversation. he straightens himself and begins to pack for home, putting things in place in record speed. there's yesterday's leftovers waiting for him, along with a new bottle of wine he would definitely need after the day that he had had. satoru follows him, and before kento can react he snatches his briefcase away from him, holding it hostage.

“it's terrible! i cannot fathom a reason why! what they have is... is once in a lifetime stuff, and they're throwing that away for what? the industry loves them, and GALAXY...” he sniffles, “and the girls...” he mumbles, looking at his feet, head downcast, pouting.

“i'm sure you'll be fine. within days there will be a new group of 20 somethings singing and dancing and -”

“don't you see how much pressure there is on me now?” exclaims satoru, now hugging the briefcase, his lips twisted into a frown. “i promised the girls that they're gonna get a surprise! i can't just turn up with only one 'em!”

“who?”

“nanako and mimiko!" he whispers. "don't tell suguru!"

oh. oh god. the gloom that's been in him grows and kento almost loosens his tie to breathe.

kento purses his lips, moving to snatch his briefcase and satoru dodges out the way. "give it to me!" he hisses, "unlike you, i don't have time to waste over silly whims of children."

satoru scoffs. "you would move heaven and earth for yuuji, even nobara! silly whims of children, my ass! you spoil them rotten!"

"i spoil them a reasonable amount, none of which is your business. invite them all, invite none, i don't care. just today i went through mountains of reports. i've been buried in these numbers all day, trying to forecast next quarter's revenue and-"

"kento please." satoru's looking at him with a wrinkle between his brows, and he can't help but take in how ridiculous he looks. hair mussed from running his fingers through them and his glasses are nowhere to be seen. he's blinking more than usual because of it too. the ceo of the infinity hotels, gojo satoru hassled over the breakup of a girl group seems laughable, but kento begrudgingly suspects what this means for him. the ticket to the nice big happy-

“you've never cared for those girls before. what changed now?”

“i've cared for those girls!” he squaks. “i care about all children.”

kento just looks at him.

satoru doubles down. “i care about megumi, and yuuji and even young kugisaki, even though she barely acknowledges my presence. i care about your kids, so,” he shrugs. “it's only natural that i care about my partner's kids! all my partner's kids,” he adds.

satoru is an amazing liar. kento knows what satoru looks like when he lies well. and kento knows that satoru's lying right now, and he's so lov- lost that he doesn't even realize how badly he's lying. he almost gags.

"i'm asking you this as a friend," continues satoru. "i know..." he looks away, his eyes bouncing about the room. "i know things have been... rocky recently, i've been too busy with work, and patching things up with suguru, and the girls because i think" his voice softens, “i think it'll work out this time. infinity's been doing great, all the time and money's finally paid off, suguru's parents have finally- it's nearly been a fucking decade- come around and let me off the handle for making... um, influencing suguru to drop out, and the girls are old enough to let suguru at least entertain the thought of dating. i just... need to win them over a little!”

the question hangs in the air between them, and kento knows that satoru wishes he won't reach out and address. regarding any otehr issue relation to satoru, kento gladly wouldn't. however-

“but why?”

“it's... it's suguru!” is all satoru says, faltering. “he's my best friend, and he's your friend too. i want to do something nice for him, and you know he loves his daughters!” satoru pumps his arm with a guffaw that sounds all too full of fake enthusiam. or rather real enthusiasm, but something else.

the weary look on satoru's face turns something in kento. he has almost never in the last thirteen years of knowing satoru ever seen him so... genuinely concerned for anything. not when they made this company, not when their first hotel launched, hell not even when his parents nearly cut him off for all the risks. only one man made him quiver so, and he'd do anything for him. the rest of the men and materials around him were just collateral damage.

he swallows. fixes his tie and looks away. “what do you want from me?” he grits out.

satoru lights up like a christmas tree. he pulls out his phone and wow- there's an entire spreadsheet's worth of information he has compiled.

“okay, so from what i've gathered, mirage is on a complete hiatus from everything and melody is either out of the country or has left the industry entirely... or both. i'd still like you too check- ” he glances up at kento and takes in his lost look. he rolls his eyes.

“okay grandpa. mirage,” he says slowly, “is the stage name of seika. this one,” he points at a girl with a halo of curls and loads of freckles. “and melody is the stage name of yumi, who is this.” he is now looking at a rather plain but sweet looking girl.

he pulls his glasses on and looks closer. “i think i've seen them before.”

“yeah no shit you've seen them before, they're literally japan's pride,” mutters satoru. “anyways. this, is siren. also known as the celestial beauty siren, her actual...” he goes on, his eyes lighting up as he talks about this siren.

kento looks at the picture. and well. he knew next to nothing about your singing capabilities but looks wise, they weren't joking around when they named you siren. and to make it even more accurate the public called you celestial beauty siren. the picture is of you smiling up at him, like you knew exactly what you were.

“so what exactly do you want me to do?” he asks, giving the phone back.

“i need all of them here, so you'll have to make some phone calls. at the moment, melody and mirage are allegedly MIA but i need you to be a hundred percent sure first. best case scenario we're getting all three. worst case scenario we're getting just one and in this case it's siren. we- ”

“wouldn't the worst case scenario be that we're getting none? and if they're broken up i doubt some company's launch party will be on their list of things to care about.”

“well!” satoru claps, “good thing we're not just some company! we're infinity hotels! we're limitless, and if you work hard enough- ”

“we work hard enough”

“you work hard enough, there isn't a chance that we're getting none of 'em! come on kento, you can do it!”

“why is this suddenly no longer a group project?”

“oh it is a group project, yes yes,” satoru nods sagely. “between you and megumi that is.”

kento tsks and steps back, looking up and down at satoru and his audacity that seems to have grown ten feet taller than him. at least he has the decency to look embarassed.

“i am the cfo of this company. so why, pray tell, would i be tasked to snoop around the well concealed affairs of some pop girl group with your assistant who's barely out of university?”

satoru wrings his hands. “i'm too busy, and there's no way to do all this without them finding out! it's not the same as inviting any regular celebrity especially considering all the strings i pulled to get confidential information! if it's not a meeting with ten boring senior citizens that fret over the same bullshit, it's date nights with- date nights, or my family being on my ass about something or the other, or trying and failing to bond with the girls- ”

“you just had to open your stupid mouth and ask if they could be returned to the kennel the moment you met them, didn't you?”

“how the fuck could i have known that they were forced to live in a literal cage?”

“oh imagine that. how bizarre it is that every child on this planet wasn't born with a silver spoon in their mouth and five maid servants to run around after them.”

“exactly, and now they're getting to wear miu miu and party with the closest things we have to magical girls in real life. they'll think i'm amazing, we all win.”

kento rubs his temple, feeling the beginning of a dull headache.

“fine. which ones are their favourite,” he sighs, hoping to reach the end of this conversation. he's going to be having the leftovers and ordering in tonight, he assures himself .

“i got nothing,” shrugs satoru.

“they're just three girls, which one do they talk about the least?”

“ehhh,” he says, tilting his head to the side, pulling a face. “they kinda stop talking whenever i'm around and just glare at me till i leave.”

“okay, then ask megumi to ask them.”

“he's blocked on every platform.”

“then ask suguru!”

“and how would that come up naturally in a conversation? and i don't want him to have the slightest clue about all this, i can't just ask suguru!”

“ask me what?”

the two men whip their heads to the sound of the deep yet silky voice coming from the doorway. geto suguru stands, leaning against the frame. his eyes move from satoru to kento to satoru again. he's in the usual work attire, except his hair is down, and the necklaces he usually keeps tucked into his shirt hangs out in front. he purses his lips and folds his arms. he clears his throat. “ask me what?” he repeats, sounding less... breathy this time.

“nothing,” chokes out satoru.

it's amazing how much he's effected. even the greatest liars seem to fall short at their game.

suguru turns to kento instead. “kento?”

“if you were willing to review some of the reports with me. the workload's been piling up recently, and i thought it would be more effecient if we had an extra pair of eyes to clarify some things.”

suguru's eyes widen. “of course! just send them over tomorrow morning. and satoruuu...” he drags out his name, eyes sliding to the other man, who's been standing in silence. “why couldn't you ask me, huh?”

satoru straightens immediately, pulling an easy grin. “wouldn't wanna bother you, late night and all. that would be unprofessional.”

“it's hardly unprofessional to come ask me for help. especially when kento here is burning the midnight oil too, isn't he? come talk to me next time, yeah? both of you,” he adds at the end, to kento too.

kento would rather they beat him to death with a bat than drag him into whatever perverse flirtation this is.

“all right then. i'll send over the reports tomorrow morning. now if that's all, i'm going to head out.” satoru's hands still clutching kento's briefcase are limp enough for him to snatch it away from him. he gives satoru a sharp nod.

“good night kento!" wishes suguru warmly as he passes him at the doorway.

a “good night” sits at the tip of his tongue. he turns to face suguru and pulls on a smile. "you've put on satoru's blazer instead, by the way. good night."

the quick blink of suguru's otherwise relaxed purple eyes is a small win. he leaves before he hears whatever suguru has to say.

[mrsportgas]

The Neightbor CHAPTER 3.

Summary: The story takes place in the real world. Shanks, your unbearable neighbor, makes you a proposition that you're unsure whether to reject. It could be the start of a friendship, or maybe something more?

SHANKS X YOU

WARNING: Except for the first chapter, the rest will contain scenes of sex and violence, making this fanfic strictly +18.

TAG LIST: @buggsclownie @commanderfreethatdust

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

SHANKS POV

Everything was calm. I was at the bar, sharing laughs with my friends and a group of girls who had decided to join the conversation. One of them kept touching my arm and flirting shamelessly, but being the gentleman I am, I just keep talking to her to be nice, but my mind was elsewhere.

I watched Y/N as she walked towards the bar and I noticed something different in her face, like she was dealing with a dilemma.

She was walking quickly, with an expression of determination that intrigued me. I couldn’t help but let my eyes follow her, from her gaze to her body. Every move she made had me captivated, but I didn’t let it show on my face. I didn’t want to draw too much attention.

Before I could process what was going on, Y/N was in front of me. In a move I didn’t see coming, her hands slid up my neck, getting closer to me so quickly and decisively that I barely had time to react. I felt her lips press against mine with overwhelming passion, without a second thought.

For an instant, I froze. The initial surprise quickly faded, and my instincts took over. My hands found her waist, pulling her towards me, while my other hand went to her hair, gripping it firmly. I responded to her kiss with the same intensity, our tongues meeting in a battle of desire. Around me, I heard the cheers and laughter of my friends, but all that faded into the background. We were immersed in our own world, though I sensed there was something deeper behind this kiss.

Y/N pulled away from me, her face flushed with embarrassment. My eyes quickly met hers, but then I noticed something that disturbed me: her wrist, reddened. I lowered my gaze to it, and my expression hardened.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked, with clear concern in my voice.

She didn’t answer immediately, just lowered her gaze to her wrist. My jaw tightened. What had happened to bring her to this point?

"What happened, Y/N?" I pressed, trying to keep the irritation that was starting to bubble up inside me under control. She remained silent, but I didn’t need more to understand that someone had done something to her. The atmosphere around us started to shift. The confusion on her face told me something was wrong.

I gently took her hand and guided her to a quieter corner of the bar, where the laughter and noise of the party began to fade. I didn’t want her to feel any more pressure than necessary.

"Are you alright, pretty? Do you want me to take you home?" I asked, trying to ease the tension in the air. But she shook her head, clearly trying to compose herself.

"Who’s that guy?" I asked again, more calmly this time, moving a little closer while my hand softly caressed her back.

"He's my ex… He won't leave me alone," she admitted, closing her eyes. The exhaustion in her voice made it clear this wasn’t something new for her. But what she said next surprised me.

"I'm sorry about before… I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have kissed you without your permission."

I couldn’t help but smile inwardly. Was she apologizing for kissing me? It wasn’t necessary, but what concerned me most at that moment was the situation with that guy. My eyes scanned the room, and sure enough, there he was, watching the scene with an arrogant smile. Ah, so that’s why Y/N had done it, to get rid of him.

"I can´t handle the situation anymore, I don´t know what else to do".

I stepped closer to her, gently pushing her body with mine, my lips finding hers again. This time the kiss was more intense, full of intention. I wanted to make something clear, not just to Y/N, but to her ex. This wasn’t just a game. As we lost ourselves in that kiss once again, I was aware of her vulnerability, but also of the gaze that was watching us from a distance.

Then, with a soft whisper in her ear, I asked, "Do you trust me?" My breath mingled with the warmth of her skin as I lightly bit her earlobe. I felt her nod, surrendering completely to the moment.

I couldn’t help but smile, enjoying the control I had over the situation. Slowly, I lifted the hem of her dress a bit, sliding my hand underneath to firmly grip her ass. My fingers sank into her skin as I returned to her mouth, devouring her with a restrained desire. I knew Kid was watching, and I wanted him to know one thing: he didn’t stand a chance here.

I kissed Y/N with more intensity, feeling her body surrender to mine. My hand remained firmly on her ass, gripping her as if to mark my territory, sending a clear message to anyone watching. Her soft sighs between our kisses only fueled the fire that was burning inside me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the boy standing there, his face twisted in fury. His hands clenched into fists, knuckles turning white as his body trembled with frustration. The sight of Y/N in my arms, especially with my hand gripping her so intimately, was pushing him to his limit. His arrogant smirk from earlier had completely vanished, replaced by a storm of rage and humiliation.

But I didn’t stop. I wanted him to feel every second of this. I wanted him to understand that Y/N was no longer his to claim or torment. Each kiss, each touch, each pull of her body closer to mine was a deliberate act of defiance.

I could feel Y/N’s heartbeat racing against my chest, the mix of adrenaline and desire palpable between us. Her breath came out in soft gasps as I broke the kiss, moving my lips down to her neck, tasting her skin. I heard her whisper my name, barely audible, as I kissed her gently, my hand still holding her tightly.

In the background, the atmosphere began to shift. Kid’s fury was hard to ignore now. He took a few steps forward, his jaw clenched, eyes burning with anger as he shouted over the noise of the party, "Get your damn hands off her!"

The tension in the air thickened, and I felt Y/N stiffen slightly in my arms. I pulled back just enough to lock eyes with Kid, who now stood glaring at me, looking ready to burst.

"What's the problem?" I asked calmly, my voice deliberately cool and collected. I didn’t move an inch, my hand still resting on Y/N, making it clear that I wasn’t intimidated.

"She's not yours!" he spat, his voice trembling with fury. "You don’t get to touch her like that!"

I smirked, tilting my head slightly, enjoying the look of frustration that crossed his face. "Looks like she doesn’t belong to you either," I replied, my tone sharp, watching the fire in his eyes grow. "Maybe you should learn to take a hint."

The words hit him hard, and I could see the veins in his neck pulsing as his rage built up. But I wasn’t about to let this escalate into a fight, not yet. I leaned closer to Y/N, pressing a soft kiss to her temple before whispering in her ear, "Stay close to me."

She nodded, her fingers tightening their grip on my shirt, as though she trusted me to handle the situation. And I would.

Kid’s temper was getting the better of him, and it was obvious he was on the edge of losing control. His eyes darted between Y/N and me, and for a second, I thought he might actually come at me. But I didn’t flinch. I knew exactly how to handle men like him, hot-headed and desperate for control.

"You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into" Kid growled, taking another step forward, his chest heaving with barely contained rage. "She’s mine. Always has been. You’re just some passing fling."

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. "No. She’s not yours. And judging by the way she kissed me, I don’t think she ever wants to be again."

The crowd around us had quieted down now, sensing the tension. My friends stood ready in case things escalated further, but I wasn’t too worried. I knew the boy would think twice before throwing the first punch in front of so many witnesses. Still, I wasn’t going to let my guard down.

"You talk a big game, but let’s face it… You’re nothing to her now," I said, keeping my eyes locked on his, the smirk never leaving my lips. "So why don’t you be smart for once, and walk away before this gets worse for you?"

Kid’s face turned crimson, his breathing heavy and erratic. He clenched his fists tighter, but after a long, tense moment, he finally seemed to realize that this was a fight he couldn’t win. Not like this.

"You’ll regret this," he hissed, glaring at me one last time before storming off, pushing through the crowd angrily.

I let out a small breath of relief as he disappeared from sight. The tension in the room began to ease, and the noise of the party slowly resumed. I looked down at Y/N, who was still holding onto me tightly, her eyes wide with a mixture of relief and lingering anxiety.

"You okay?" I asked softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. She nodded, still catching her breath, but there was a quiet strength in her expression now.

I smiled and pulled her close again, my hand resting on her back. "He won’t bother you anymore, I promise"

YOUR POV

When we parted, I felt as though the world around us had changed somehow, as if all the chaos surrounding us had faded away. The curious stares, the murmurs of people, even the distant echo of Kid’s fury… none of it mattered anymore. It was just Shanks and me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, barely aware that I had spoken. “For… everything.” I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling. Shanks hadn’t just defended me; he had made me feel valued in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Shanks replied, his voice deep and filled with a calmness that wrapped around me. “Besides, now we’re even. A kiss for a kiss.”

I looked around, noticing how the party was slowly returning to its normal flow. Laughter and music once again filled the air, and although I could still feel the occasional glance thrown our way, I no longer cared. We walked back toward the group, and Shanks drifted off to chat with his friends while mine approached me.

"Oh my God, Y/N, are you okay? I don’t even know what just happened," Nami said, breathless.

“I’m fine, girls. I’d rather forget about it… and about Kid.”

"Yeah, let’s just go home," Nami continued.

“Actually, girls… I think I’ll stay here… with them,” Robin said casually.

“With them… or with someone specific, Robin?” Nami teased, laughing.

“Alright, just give us a call if you need anything. You’re not staying, Nami?”

“I will, but only if you don’t leave by yourself,” Nami said, winking at me.

I glanced over at Shanks. He gave me a sense of calm I couldn’t deny. I watched him from afar, talking to his friends, his relaxed and confident demeanor making it seem as though what had just happened didn’t affect him at all.

But I still felt the fire burning inside me. Not just because of what had happened with Kid, but because of what Shanks had awakened in me. From the moment his hands had brushed against my body, his mouth claiming mine, everything had changed. Something inside me had ignited, and I knew that this night wouldn’t simply end with a casual chat and goodbye.

Shanks turned back toward me, a sly smile forming on his lips as if he already knew what I was thinking. He stopped right in front of me, his gaze locked intensely on mine.

“Ready to go?” he asked, his tone casual, but the spark in his eyes told me there was nothing casual about his suggestion.

I nodded, my heart racing. I wanted to be with him, to feel the connection we had shared in every kiss, every touch.

We got into Shanks' car, a comfortable silence filling the space. He slid into the driver’s seat, and I settled into the passenger seat, still feeling the warmth of his proximity on my skin.

The engine purred softly as we pulled away from the noisy party. My gaze drifted to the city lights slowly passing by the window, my thoughts swirling in my mind. I couldn’t believe what had happened; from the kiss at the party to now, it all felt surreal.

I felt a slight brush against my leg, and when I looked down, I saw Shanks’ hand resting casually on my thigh. His touch was gentle, almost as if he didn’t want to impose anything, but at the same time, it made me feel safe, as if everything would be alright as long as he was near.

“Are you okay?” Shanks asked, his deep, soothing voice breaking the silence.

I nodded again, my heart still racing. “Yeah… I’m just a little overwhelmed by everything that happened tonight.”

Shanks glanced at me from the corner of his eye, though he kept his focus on the road. I could see the concern on his face. “You don’t need to worry about Kid anymore,” he said, his tone firm yet reassuring.

His words, though simple, filled me with relief. I knew that if anyone could make Kid back off, it was Shanks. But I didn’t want this night to revolve around that idiot.

“Thank you,” I murmured, and with a small smile, I added, “Although, to be honest, I don’t think you were just protecting me. It seemed like you enjoyed teaching him a lesson too.”

Shanks let out a soft chuckle, the sound filling the car with an unexpected warmth. “Maybe a little,” he admitted with a mischievous smile. “But mostly, I wanted to make something clear: you deserve way more than someone like him.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words. I looked at him, my gaze lingering on his profile under the flickering city lights. There was something about Shanks, a blend of confidence, strength, and a tenderness I hadn’t expected to find in someone like him. I wanted to say something, to express what I was feeling, but the words seemed to get stuck in my throat.

Before I could respond, Shanks reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small white card. He handed it to me without taking his eyes off the road.

“What’s this?” I asked, taking the card between my fingers.

“My work card,” he replied with a playful smile. “I don’t usually give my personal number to just anyone…” he said, laughing lightly.

I looked at the card, surprised by the gesture. It had his name, “Shanks D.,” and the details of what seemed to be a research company. My pulse quickened as I realized that he was not only trusting me with his personal number but also his work contact. It felt like a deeper connection beyond what had happened tonight.

“Thank you,” I whispered, carefully placing the card into my bag.

His gaze met mine briefly, and something in his expression made me feel a warmth I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was as if, beneath that carefree facade, there was someone who truly wanted to take care of me.

When we arrived at his house, he parked the car and turned toward me, his hand still resting on my leg. “Do you want to stay? Or if you want to go home, I’ll understand.”

My heart melted a little at that. He was thoughtful, even though the situation was clearly leading us toward something more. But in that moment, I knew I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to keep being close to him, and I didn’t want to sleep alone in my cold house.

“Thank you,” I said once more, my voice a bit stronger. “But I’d rather not be alone tonight.”

A soft smile curved his lips as he turned off the car. “Then let’s go inside.”

His fingers briefly intertwined with mine as he guided me toward his house. When we were inside, we climbed the stairs. I stayed silent for a moment, watching him as he walked toward what I assumed was the guest room, returning moments later without his jacket. I could still feel the heat of his hand on my leg, the way his touch had both comforted and excited me at the same time.

"You can sleep in my bed, you'll be more comfortable," Shanks said softly. "I’ll head to the guest room."

As he prepared the bed, I stood in the doorway, watching him for a few moments. He seemed so focused, so considerate. But deep down, something inside me urged me not to let this night end with us in separate rooms.

When he finished arranging the sheets, Shanks turned to me with a gentle smile. “It’s all set. You can sleep here. If you need anything, I’ll be in the room at the end of the hall.”

He stood near the door, giving me a brief smile. It was almost like he was trying to wrap up the night. I could feel the hesitation in the air, as if there was something unspoken lingering between us. My heart raced, and I couldn't let him leave just like that.

"Shanks…" I said softly, taking a deep breath. "Stay with me tonight."

His hand paused on the doorknob, and I saw the conflict in his eyes as he turned to face me. For a moment, he didn’t say anything. His gaze softened as it met mine, and I could see the desire flicker across his face, but there was something else there too—something holding him back.

"You know, Y/N," he began, his voice low and rough, "there’s a lot to consider here." He hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully. "There’s an age difference between us. I’m an older than you, and… I don’t want you to regret this later."

I stepped closer to him, feeling the tension between us building. "I won’t regret it," I whispered, my voice steady. "I don’t care about the age difference."

Shanks let out a heavy breath, clearly torn. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing away for a moment, as if trying to gather his thoughts. "Y/N," he muttered, his voice slightly strained, "this is not something I take lightly. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. I don’t want you to feel like this is something you have to do."

I shook my head, moving even closer until I was right in front of him. "This is what I want," I said firmly, my eyes locking with his. "I want you."

Shanks looked down at me, his expression softening, but there was still that flicker of doubt in his eyes. I could see him wrestling with himself, torn between what he thought was right and what he actually desired. His hand reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from my face, his touch warm and tender.

"You don’t know how much I want this too," he murmured, his voice deep and hushed.

I could see that he was trying to protect me, to be the responsible one. But I wasn’t going to let him push me away. I reached for his hand, holding it between mine. "Then don’t overthink it," I whispered. "Fuck me"

For a long moment, Shanks didn’t move. His hand remained in mine, his gaze searching my face as if he was looking for reassurance, for permission. And then, slowly, he let out a breath, and I saw the final traces of his resistance fade. His hand tightened around mine.

"Alright," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. "As you wish sweetheart"

As Shanks’ hand tightened around mine, the air between us shifted, charged with an undeniable energy. He leaned in slowly, his lips brushing mine with a tenderness that almost made me shiver. The kiss was slow, deliberate, as if he was savoring every second, every touch. His hand moved to cradle the back of my neck, pulling me closer as our lips moved in sync, the soft pressure of his mouth sending waves of heat through my body.

I could feel his hesitation slowly melting away, replaced by an unspoken desire. His other hand slid down to my waist, tracing the curve of my hips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue gently teasing mine. I responded in kind, my hands sliding up his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my fingers.

His lips left mine for a moment, trailing down to my jawline and then to my neck, his breath warm against my skin. Every kiss, every touch, felt like it was setting me on fire. My hands found their way to his shirt, and I began to unbutton it slowly, my fingers trembling slightly as I worked my way down. Shanks watched me, his eyes dark and focused, as if he was waiting for my every move.

When his shirt finally slid off his broad shoulders, I let my hands roam over his bare chest, feeling the firm muscles beneath my fingertips. His perfectly sculpted muscles lay beneath my hands. There was no denying that he had dedicated himself to working on that body to perfection; every muscle was perfectly defined.

I stayed admiring his body for a while. "Like what you see?" he said, raising his voice now with a cocky smile. "Now, you ask me to fuck you. Are you sure?" He said whispering in my ear

I nod and he continued " Great. Then you gonna be a good girl and do everything i say?"

I nod for a second time.

Shanks' eyes darkened with desire as he moved closer, his hands sliding up my body with a mix of passion and control. His touch sent shivers down my spine, and I felt the heat between us intensify.

Without saying a word, his fingers found the hem of my dress, gripping it firmly before pulling it over my head in one swift motion. His gaze roamed over my exposed skin, and I could see the raw hunger in his eyes as he took in every inch of me.

With a fiery determination, he reached for my bra, his movements becoming more urgent, more intense. His hands were rough but deliberate, and the way he undressed me sent waves of anticipation through me. Piece by piece, he stripped away my clothes, his fingers brushing my skin with a fierce tenderness that made my heart race.

His breathing grew heavier, and I could feel the weight of his desire in every movement. He was holding back, trying to stay in control, but I could see the fire burning behind his eyes. He wanted this just as much as I did, and I could sense the passion simmering beneath his restraint.

His eyes roamed over my body, now lying naked except for my panties, as he licked his lips. "You're stunning."

With both hands gripping my waist, he swiftly and powerfully turned me around. His left hand found its place on my neck, guiding my body toward the wall, pressing my face and chest against it.

His right hand settled on my hip, pulling me backward slightly, before slowly sliding down to my ass, delivering a quick, firm smack.

I moaned in response.

After that, his hand traveled back to my thigh, urging me to spread my legs while his fingers traced the fabric of my underwear. When they reached the center, he began moving a single finger in perfect circles over my clit.

I moaned again, needing more. "Shanks… please."

He slid his hand beneath my panties, one finger venturing lower, searching for my entrance, while the others massaged my burning clit in precise movements. When he reached my entrance, he gently slid his finger inside, searching for my G-spot. A moan escaped my lips, and Shanks let out a satisfied huff with a small smirk.

"I'm going to make you come until you can't take it anymore, and then you'll be a good girl and take all of me," he whispered, his sensual tone driving me wild.

He started moving his fingers with perfectly calculated motions. I had never felt anything like it; no one had ever been able to do this. His other hand slid up to my breasts, massaging them and teasing my nipples while he added a second finger. The room was filled with my moans and cries of pleasure.

Shanks grabbed my neck, leaning close to my ear. "You're so wet… If you're good, later I’ll let you ride me."

And that was my undoing. The ball of pleasure that had been building deep inside me exploded throughout my entire body, sending me soaring, my legs trembling, and a deep moan escaping my lips.

He grabbed me firmly, guiding me toward the bed, his strong hands turning me around again. "Lie down," he commanded in a dominant tone, his eyes filled with lust and fierceness, directing me toward the bed. He grabbed a pillow, positioning it beneath my back.

I lay down on the bed as he instructed, still trying to catch my breath, while Shanks tugged my panties down, slipping them off one leg and tossing them to the floor.

Then, he positioned himself between my legs, kissing my thighs before making his way back to my most intimate parts.

TO BE CONTINUED

[waywardrose]

TO BRING YOU MY LOVE

star wars | kylo ren x reader | rated e | 9.4k

fem!reader, vampire!kylo, modern au, dracula inspired, dub con, predator/prey, kidnapping with restraints, derogatory language (not from kylo), guns, violence, blood and blood drinking, minor-character death, semi-public sex, historical inaccuracies

This fic fills multiple prompts (from sweet anons and the fabulous @thorfemmes) for vamp!Kylo, from his backstory to Reader affecting him to the possibility of Reader becoming a vampire. Thank you all for requesting! I hope you're still around. In case you need a refresher, the previous parts of Me and the Devil are here, here, here, here, and here. (Why don't tags work anymore? 😩) This fic can be read as a stand-alone, though! Title from "To Bring You My Love" by PJ Harvey.

“Biker gang? Pfft!” said your boss Vic in reply to a bar patron.

The agitated patron continued, describing a group of bikers led by a dark-haired man with a scar bisecting his face.

You suppressed a shudder as you mixed a simple cocktail. That sounded too familiar.

You’d begun working at Vic’s bar a few weeks ago. It was an easy job. Vic was gruff yet kind. They’d shown you around when they learned you’d just moved to the city. They even invited you home for dinner, where you’d met their sweet wife and dopey Pomeranian.

After a moment of contemplation, Vic said, “A scar…”

With a dismissive shake of their head and a frown, they poured the patron a double.

When all the patrons were distracted, Vic took you by the shoulder and steered you into the dim storeroom.

“If I’m right, and I hope to hell I’m not, that gang sounds like the Knights of Ren.” You stiffened at the name, but Vic didn’t appear to notice. “They haven’t been around here in years, but they’re dangerous. You keep your head down, got it?”

You nodded as if you didn’t know exactly who Vic was talking about.

“Why would they be back…?” Vic asked more to themselves than you. “Fuck if it matters. We’re closing early for the rest of the week. Ain’t no one living it up while they’re here.”

In a caring tone you hadn’t heard from anyone in months, they said, “Anyone hollers at you, you ignore them. Just keep walking, yeah?”

You nodded again, though you doubted ignoring catcalls would save you.

Vic walked you back to the bar and told you to polish the clean wine glasses.

With numb hands, you carefully buffed water spots from each glass and slid them in the rack above the bar.

The next evening, Vic’s wife called. She never called, so it must’ve been important. Vic rushed out with only an offer to return to help close. You’d assured them you could handle it.

Just as Vic predicted, there hadn’t been many patrons. One of the last — a regular — expressed his disgust for the way everyone was pussyfooting around at night. He didn’t think the sun was going to stop the Knights of Ren from striking.

Oh, little did he know…

As the regular swirled the last of his bourbon, he said, “If they’re out there, no lock’ll keep them out if they want in.”

You politely agreed with a hum. No lock could keep Kylo away.

You didn’t know how you’d make it to your place if the Knights of Ren really were out there.

“Thanks for listening, kiddo,” the regular said before knocking back the rest of his drink and standing. “You watch out, though, pretty thing like you.”

He left a generous tip.

Closing went quickly after that. You clicked off the neon signs in the window, wiped down the bar and tables, mopped the floor, and pushed in the chairs. After shuttering the bar’s front, you snapped the tarnished padlock closed as quietly as possible. It clunked against the latch just as something glinted at the corner of your vision.

The hairs at the back of your neck rose. Your heart leapt into your throat.

You bolted.

You didn’t dare look back. It would’ve only slowed you down. You didn’t want to see a flash of red eyes and black hair, either. That would’ve paralyzed you. And you needed to run. You needed to run as fast as your legs could carry you—

Though you knew you couldn’t win — not against someone like Kylo.

No. No, no, no.

You couldn’t think like that. You’d gotten away before. You’d do it again. It didn’t matter how he kept finding you.

With a pause, you scanned the unremarkable street. You were far from the bar now. You propped yourself with a palm against gritty breeze block. Your thighs ached and lungs burned, all the more obvious now that you’d stopped running. You panted, throat desert-dry and mouth sticky. Tilting your head back, you tried to catch your breath.

The inky sky was as empty as the streets.

And you didn’t know where you were anymore.

You bit your lip and silently berated yourself for not paying attention as you ran. It was especially foolish considering you hadn’t been in the city for long. Unfamiliar streets looked more so in the dark. Questions dropped from your mind to settle heavy in your gut.

Where could you go now?

Your place wasn’t safe.

Who could you ask for help?

You didn’t want to put anyone in danger. No one would help a stranger at this time of night, anyway. Especially not when the Knights of Ren had been seen prowling.

Did Kylo know you were here?

He had to have sensed you. Your blood called to him. It must be the reason they were here.

A soft shuffle behind you threw you into action. You dashed down the street, away from the noise, away from the Knights of Ren. Surroundings blurred. Streetlights punctuated the dark. Your ragged breathing drowned out all other sounds.

You turned right, then left, then another right.

Before long, you had to slow. Your legs nearly gave out. You felt like you were running in circles. Everything remained unfamiliar, yet a sense of déjà vu remained. That storefront looked similar to one a few blocks back. Same with the pile of leaking garbage bags at the curb.

Or were they new?

You skidded to a stop by an unlit alley and braced yourself with hands on your knees.

You were alone. Not even a rat skittered. You slumped against the nearest building. A bead of sweat trickled above your eyebrow.

Whispering a curse, you wiped it away and inhaled lungfuls of air.

“You made this game quite easy.”

You froze. That oh-so familiar voice came from the alley.

“It’s like you want me to catch you, sweetness.”

As if made from the misty shadows themselves, Kylo’s silhouette manifested at the edge of a cone of streetlight. He leaned a shoulder on the nearby wall, insouciant.

Fear, like jagged ice, kept you immobile. The connection you had with him yanked at your breastbone. You grappled with the lure of stepping closer.

“You must be exhausted.”

You staggered away, feet nearly tripping over each other in your haste. The cracked concrete went indistinct as you turned to sprint. Arms like iron wrapped around your middle and pulled you into the alley. You stiffened, though you knew better.

A victim was supposed to go limp. It made an attacker work harder.

You squirmed between stiff and limp, kicking your feet. You drew yourself up to scream. A huge hand — warm, he’d just fed — covered your mouth.

Your muffled cries fell on a deaf city.

He tutted. “None of that.”

You couldn’t stop. There was a chance to get away. If only you could loosen his hold. You clawed at the arm around your waist. No tugging or scratching earned you freedom.

Blood-scented breath ghosted over your neck. A nose nuzzled into your hair. Soft lips brushed the shell of your ear.

Kylo breathed, “I have missed you.”

You paused at his sincerity, eyes closing.

No, you couldn’t give in.

You pulled at the hand covering your mouth. When it didn’t move, you slapped it. He let his hand drift to your shoulder, but not before his fingertips caressed your lips. You wanted to spit the feeling off.

“Did you miss me?” he asked.

You hissed, “No,” and elbowed him in the ribs. “No.”

He tutted again. “You wound me,” he said, though he hardly sounded hurt.

He tucked his firm body against yours off-center and placed a tender kiss on your neck.

A shiver rolled through you, bringing with it memories of pleasure and promises.

“Stop it! Lemme go!”

“Back to that?” He sighed. “After all we’ve been through?”

Tears pricked your eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you, my sweet.” His hand slid to your throat, making you stretch and inhale. “Yet every time you flee.” His grip tightened and voice hardened. “Every time you seek my wrath.” He canted your chin to expose your jugular. “And every time you lock horns with me, it’s others who get hurt.”

You’d caused someone to suffer. Or maybe die this time.

“Don’t fret. It was quick,” he said. “They didn’t have time to scream.”

Vic. That was what their wife’s call must’ve been about.

You squeezed your eyes shut. A delicate tear rolled into your ear.

You’d killed them. You hadn’t meant to choose them, but you had. By keeping their company, you’d sicced Kylo on them. You knew what he was capable of. You realized it years ago. He’d killed so many.

Your gut twisted.

Your voice cracked as you asked, “Why?” You shook your head as much as you were able. “I don’t— I never wanted—” You swallowed around a dry throat. “Fuck, why?”

Why me? Why do you want me? Why do you care? Why don’t you kill me already?

Kylo’s hold loosened. His hand traveled to splay across your upper chest.

“I want to give you everything. All of me.”

His hand disappeared, and two fingers guided your chin to the side. You complied and opened your eyes.

“Anything you want. Just stay by my side.”

You studied his dark pupils rimmed in red, seeing his hunger and ruthlessness and loneliness. None of that had been apparent when he’d barged into your life.

“Just give me your heart.”

“I don’t want—”

He cut off your protest with a kiss.

You hadn’t protested at the start. It felt good to be desired by a dreadful monster like him. He’d opened himself, answered every question.

He’d told you about his mortal life. His mother Leia Skywalker had been part of the dvoryanstvo — Russian nobility. She’d run away to the United Colonies, where she’d fallen in love with some reprobate. Being a proper lady, she’d married him, bedded him, and proceeded to get with child. Leia ran home when colonial life no longer suited her. She’d had her child — a son: him — during the crossing.

Since Leia was married, and Kylo not a bastard, they were welcomed at court. The reprobate soon followed. The tsarina found the Amidala-Skywalker and now -Solo clan quite the curiosity. The tsar enjoyed Solo’s hunting skills.

Kylo said he remembered standing with his grandmother and mother to watch the gilded debutantes being presented at court. His grandmother whispered innocent gossip to him between introductions. His mother appeared to ignore them, but she listened just the same.

On a snowy evening mid-season, Armitage Hux, a distant cousin of the tsar, returned from the west. Accompanying him was a peculiar Dr. Snoke. The tsarina was captivated by Dr. Snoke as though spellbound. She favored Dr. Snoke, going so far as to appoint him court physician.

Armitage took to strutting about every dinner and ball. He was obsessed with Dr. Snoke’s scientific experiments, discussing results in esoteric terms. He collected blood from the hares, foxes, and deer during hunting excursions. At first, Kylo assumed like everyone else it was for these experiments.

Then he found Armitage in Dr. Snoke’s laboratory with bloodstained lips, a beaker of fresh blood in his hand. In a frenzy, Armitage explained that blood wasn’t only a humor. It was the source of life.

You’d stopped him to ask why he’d been visiting Dr. Snoke’s lab. Kylo replied Dr. Snoke had wanted him to read a few books from his private collection. Dr. Snoke promised more knowledge than the tutors his mother hired. Naturally, Kylo had been intrigued.

Intrigued enough not to run from the laboratory.

Armitage showed Kylo a chart of his own making on the distillation of power — “a force connecting everything” — through the blood, from feeble insect to apex predator. Armitage was certain one could accumulate this power by devouring the essence of weaker creatures.

Kylo understood the logic, yet something about how Armitage explained it troubled him. With that reasoning, the most potent essence would be from their fellow man. That sounded taboo.

When he next saw Dr. Snoke, he mentioned Armitage’s alarming hypothesis. Displeasure flashed across Dr. Snoke’s face. Kylo thought he’d made a mistake by broaching the topic. However, Dr. Snoke explained he’d been putting off that lesson until Kylo had more scientific understanding.

In his arrogance, Kylo insisted he could grasp any lesson Dr. Snoke wished to teach.

He thought privately Armitage, who everyone knew to be a bastard, wouldn’t best him. It hardly mattered how many lies his father Brendol spouted. Brendol Hux hid some misfortune for the crown and used that fact to force his family upon the rest of the court.

Dr. Snoke promised Kylo wisdom beyond anything he’d been exposed to thus far. He asked when, and Dr. Snoke offered him an apprenticeship. Dr. Snoke would be journeying west once more in the spring. Kylo could join him.

His mother forbade it. She attempted to lure him into staying by introducing him to any debutante who would indulge her. She bargained. She cajoled. She bribed. When she remained unsuccessful, she turned their whole family against him. Their objections were all they’d discuss with him.

Towards the end of March, the ice broke on the river, and the snow started to melt. He left his family home in the small hours of the night. He met Dr. Snoke and Armitage at the harbor and boarded a ship headed for France.

At every port along the way, Dr. Snoke disappeared while Kylo and Armitage dined. He asked Armitage if he knew where Dr. Snoke went, but Armitage lied when he said he didn’t. Apprehension kept Kylo from asking Dr. Snoke directly.

Kylo said he realized much later he had asked Snoke, but Snoke made him forget.

In Gothenburg, he gathered the courage to follow Dr. Snoke. He feigned a sour stomach to avoid dinner. The sun had just fallen below the horizon. Townspeople lit their outdoor lanterns. None appeared to notice Dr. Snoke trekking through the streets, which seemed improbable since the doctor was exceptionally tall and dressed in foreign garb.

Dr. Snoke turned down a side street as if he were familiar with the city. Kylo waited at the corner to observe Dr. Snoke halt at an open gate. Dr. Snoke’s demeanor went from innocent visitor to ravening fiend in the blink of an eye. His shoulders hunched. His hands became claws. His shaved head suddenly reminded Kylo of a vulture.

Dr. Snoke darted through the gate. Kylo expected to hear the scuffling of feet or a scream, but there was only silence.

Kylo ran to the gate to find no one. He turned first to where he’d come from, then down the street. Both sides were deserted. He didn’t understand. No one simply disappeared.

He took a step forward to investigate. The lifeless body of a girl hit the stones before he could take another. Her dark braids wreathed the splatter of gore. Her joints bent at wrong angles. He stumbled backwards, heel catching. Strong hands caught his shoulders and spun him.

He found himself staring into the red, hypnotic eyes of Dr. Snoke.

“I see you couldn’t stay on the ship,” said Dr. Snoke, who tilted his head like a great hunting cat.

Kylo saw his fangs for the first time.

“And now you wonder if Armitage has known all along.”

Which was true.

“He has,” Dr. Snoke said, sliding his hands to Kylo’s neck and turning down the collar of his overcoat. “So, tell me, are you in danger?”

Tears welled in Kylo’s eyes as he whispered, “I’ve always been in danger.”

“Too right.”

Dr. Snoke struck then. His sharp teeth pierced Kylo’s jugular and drank deep. Kylo felt the sinful pull in his groin. Despite that, he shoved at Dr. Snoke’s chest. It was as though he’d lost his strength. He felt like a pup taking on a bear.

He opened his mouth to protest, though no sound came.

Dr. Snoke held him tight, pressed him to the nearest brick wall, and ground between his legs. Kylo’s gorge rose, but his body didn’t have the strength to heave.

He knew he was dying. Dr. Snoke was killing him. Dr. Snoke would use him until there’d be no more. A spark of anger flared in his gut. He balled his hands into fists and struck Dr. Snoke. His furious heart hammered behind his ribs. This wasn’t supposed to be his death. He wouldn’t end here.

He croaked broken words, groaning at the effort.

Dr. Snoke withdrew with a chuckle, blood trickling down his chin.

“Such resolve! Such strength!” He grasped Kylo’s chin. “You think you have the stamina, Young Solo?”

This was what Armitage had spoken of. There was power in the blood. Dr. Snoke had discovered a way to harness it. He had kept the truth behind Armitage’s collecting blood and his own scientific experiments hidden. They’d lied to him.

Kylo snarled.

Lovingly, Dr. Snoke said, “Beautiful beast,” and smiled, bloody teeth flashing.

Dr. Snoke unsheathed his blade and slit his own wrist. Blood, dark like a desiccated rose, oozed from the cut. The scent of it familiar and ancient.

He watched his hands bring the wound to his mouth. Blood smeared over his bottom lip and poured into his mouth like scalding rain. He dissolved into unknown pleasure, torn apart as if ravaged. He was destroyed and built anew with Dr. Snoke’s blood.

He experienced everything at that moment: the metal taste on his tongue, the hint of spring in the air, the way their hearts synchronized for a second, the emptiness of his veins, the magic in the blood permeating every fiber of his being.

It happened so quickly it was dizzying. It was a taste, then a fact.

The infinite stretched out before him, all possibilities spread like the fan of playing cards on a table.

He’d told you Dr. Snoke became simply Snoke and Armitage had been satisfied as an unaging thrall. When you’d asked what happened to Snoke and Armitage, Kylo replied he didn’t know. He’d escaped Snoke’s clutches decades earlier.

He’d said how grateful he was to have found you: a comfort like he’d never known. His eyes had been so warm.

Yet his eyes weren’t warm when he’d caught you.

You pushed at him, but Kylo’s grip was unyielding. Your protests only inspired him to strengthen his hold. He gripped your jaw to open your mouth. You mewled as he teased your tongue with his own. It knocked the breath from your lungs, as it always did.

The hard length of his cock against your hip made you shiver. Maybe shudder. You wanted him, yet you shouldn’t. He was terrifying, yet putty in your hands. He was a killer, yet wanted to be your weapon.

Gentle fingers crawled under the loose hem of your shirt, brushing the skin above your waistband. His arm tensed. He was going to tear you open, claw at your tender belly.

You thrashed to get away before he could.

Kylo broke the kiss and tightened his hold on your jaw.

“Stop this, or I’ll give you a fucking you can’t walk away from.”

Your breath seized. He meant— He wouldn’t— Oh God, yes, he would. He would force his cock in your ass and drink your blood until you passed out. While he’d never done that to you, he’d done it to one of Armitage’s lackeys. He’d said it was for a transgression.

You’d gone beyond a simple transgression. You’d been running from Kylo for over two years.

“Kylo, please,” you said as your vision blurred with tears. “Please, just let me go.”

You knew he wouldn’t.

He pulled away.

You teetered from a lack of support and weakened legs. He caught your upper arm and shoved you against the wall. You braced yourself on bent arms. The bricks’ texture caught at your shirt and palms. The scent of wet stone and musty mildew invaded your nose.

He cradled your hips and asked, “Let you go…?”

His lips caressed your neck, dragging up your skin. You wanted to flinch from his touch, but he moved down until his forehead rested on your shoulder.

“How many times must we go through this? This game of cat-and-mouse?”

A hand slid up your side and rounded your ribs to cup a breast. You closed your eyes as a frisson of pleasure had your nipple tightening.

“How many people must I go through for you to see we can’t be separated?”

He squeezed your breast just this side of too harsh. You bit your lip. His other hand wended around your waist.

“How many times do I need to fuck you for that to sink in, hm? Surely by now you understand your place.”

He released your breast to tug at the button of your jeans.

Your eyes flew open as you pushed at his hand.

“Kylo, no.”

“Yes,” he hissed. “You need to accept it.”

He undid your jeans and spread the fly.

You realized you’d been a fool to think you could get away. You’d been a fool to believe he wasn’t still Snoke’s, that your love alone would change his heart.

You batted at his forearms, then gripped his wrists. He didn’t budge at your scrabbling hands. He barely reacted to them. Instead, he brushed his lips against the side of your neck.

You stiffened, anticipating the bite of fangs.

“I can’t, I can’t— Kylo, I don’t— I never wanted—”

You’d only wanted the person behind the monster.

It was a tragedy they were one and the same.

Kylo stilled, his lips a scant centimeter from your skin.

You stilled. Your words had been a mistake. Just like leaving him behind had been a mistake. And the most egregious mistake: getting involved with him in the first place.

Despite that being true, Kylo was correct about never wanting to hurt you. He never had. He could and had hurt others, but never you. He’d bitten you, drank your blood, gripped your hips hard when he took you.

But he didn’t hurt you.

In fact, he made you feel good. He made you writhe and moan with blinding, white-hot pleasure. Your mind went blank when he thrust his thick, monstrous cock into you. That might be worse than any fist or fang. Pain you could get over, but pleasure not as easily.

He whispered, “I think you need a reminder of where you belong, sweetness.”

Those words reverberated you into the past. That night had been like this one: quiet, starless, and calm. Until it wasn’t.

The world had tilted on its axis when someone threw you into an SUV while you’d been checking your mailbox after work. Terror choked off your screams before they even gagged you. Rope looped around your wrists and ankles tight enough to bruise.

A long-fingered hand seized your chin and made you meet blue eyes as the vehicle started moving. The man would’ve been handsome with his angular face and long ginger hair if not for the contemptuous sneer marring his full lips. His gray suit was Savile Row crisp, and his black Chelsea boots gleamed in the overhead light.

“Ren’s precious little blood-whore,” he spat and threw your head to the side, where it bounced against the back of the bench seat.

“You sure about this?” the driver asked.

“He will capitulate for this one. Snoke foresaw it.”

At the name “Snoke,” you wiggled away until your back hit the door. Your kidnapper appeared bored and pulled a pistol from his jacket. He braced his arm between the seat and his chest to aim at your face.

You looked from the steady pistol to his face and back again.

“Listen well, you stupid slut,” he said. “You are in no position to escape. You chose this the moment you let that fool into your life.”

You wanted to protest that you hadn’t let Kylo into your life. He’d slithered in on his own.

A tiny voice replied, And you let him stay.

You had. You’d done nothing to stop him, even after it was apparent what a monster Kylo could be.

You’d curled into the corner to stare out the SUV’s tinted windows. They’d tied the knots at the back of your hands, so you couldn’t reach them. You certainly wouldn’t dare bring them to your mouth to work them open with your teeth.

When the SUV stopped, they manhandled you through an abandoned convenience store. In the stockroom, a bald man sat at a bare card table. Scars like melted wax trailed down one side of his face. He wore a gold smoking jacket, loose slacks, and velvet loafers. You nearly laughed. He looked like a Hugh Hefner cosplayer. The only thing missing was a white captain’s hat.

A hand on your shoulder forced you to sit in the folding chair across from him. When you met the bald man’s eyes, any witty remark died in your mouth. His gaze was too intense, too stern, too disapproving — and too ancient.

This was Snoke.

The gag fell from your face.

“You saw Kylo Ren yesternight, did you not?” he asked mildly.

His voice rumbled like strange thunder. He breathed in as if he could taste you on the air, like a snake senses prey.

Despite your mouth being freed, you could only bob your head.

“Yes, of course. Quite understandable now why it’s so difficult for him.” Snoke’s expression turned forgiving as he leaned over his crossed legs. “You are quite the delectable temptation.”

Your gut twisted and toes curled in your shoes at the compliment. You didn’t want to be a temptation for Snoke, nor did you want him sampling any part of you.

Crashing chaos erupted from the storefront. People screamed. Cracked steel and shattered glass exploded through the open door.

You launched yourself to the cold concrete floor, bringing your bound wrists to your mouth. The metallic pop-pop-pop of gunfire snapped overhead. You bit at the first knot and pulled. Hot bullet casings clanked nearby. The knot gave way to the next. You wrenched the next one loose, then shook your hands until the rope slipped from your wrists.

A tide of black vapor surged into the storeroom. It blinded you, but it didn’t stop you from groping for your restrained ankles. The rope there made no sense. You couldn’t find the knots.

Come on! you yelled at yourself, finding the knots. Come on!

You twisted and gritted your teeth and almost cried when you couldn’t undo them.

Light returned to the room as the vapor converged into a figure with broad shoulders and long legs. Unmistakably Kylo. It was the first time you’d remembered seeing him do something like that.

However, you couldn’t focus on him. He was fine. On the other hand, you had to free yourself and escape.

Black boots planted themselves on the floor, spread hip-width apart. Yards beyond them lay the lifeless body of your kidnapper, his head rotated at an unnatural angle. That lovely ginger hair veiled his closed eyes.

You pulled your gaze away to untie the knots.

“Ah, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said warmly. “Thank you for honoring my summons for once.”

Kylo replied with a tight, “Master.”

As quietly as you could, you pulled the knots loose and unwrapped your ankles. Snoke and Kylo had to have known you were still alive, but you didn’t want Snoke directing his attention to you. Nor did you want to distract Kylo.

Snoke’s voice sounded as though he had multiple voice boxes when he ordered, “Come. Kneel.”

Kylo staggered to Snoke and dropped to his knees.

Your mouth went dry. Your heart beat double-time. You were about to witness Kylo’s death. Snoke would take his head and drain you dry. Or worse: make Kylo kill you.

You couldn’t let either of them do that. You wouldn’t allow Snoke to torture him like that. Not like this. Not ever.

Even if it meant not being with Kylo again.

You eased to your knees and crept around your chair. Kylo’s back was to you, but Snoke faced the door. There was no way to leave without Snoke seeing.

“Where are you going, myshonok?” Snoke asked.

You went rigid, one knee hovering above the floor.

“Join me at the table.”

If you sat, what horrors would you witness? What would he make you do? How angry was he?

“Sit.”

“No,” Kylo ordered. “Ru—”

Snoke silenced him with a blow.

Kylo’s head jerked back, blood arcing from his face.

You gasped, already on your knees.

“I said,” Snoke repeated. “Sit.”

You were in the chair before you made the decision to stand. Your brain filled in the gaps: you stood, took the necessary steps to come around the chair, and sat.

“Stay. Be quiet.”

You glanced at Kylo. Blood bisected his cheek and tracked to his forehead. You waited for the cut to heal, but it didn’t. It just bled.

That didn’t make sense.

“Kylo Ren, I’ll give you a choice — like I do in all things,” Snoke said lightly, as if he hadn’t just wounded his progeny. “You can erase your presence from her mind, you can kill her, or you can turn her.”

“No, Master, don’t—”

“You’ve forced my hand in this matter. She knows too much.”

Kylo was quiet for a moment, then:

“If I take her memory, you’ll leave her in peace.”

“Her, yes.”

You mentally screamed for him to refuse. Snoke agreed to you being left alone, but not Kylo. You couldn’t allow Snoke to take him from you.

You willed through Snoke’s hold to say, “Turn me, Kylo, change me. Just don’t go, don’t let him—”

Snoke said, “You belong to him. It’s not your decision.”

The hell it wasn’t.

You wanted to race for the street, get away from them both, yet your feet wouldn’t obey. You gripped the seat of your chair hard enough your fingers went numb.

To Kylo, he said, “Do it.”

You shook your head as Kylo shuffled closer.

Please don’t do this. Please snap out of it. Please, please, please…

A single metallic pop rang through the storeroom. Kylo cried out, gripping his shoulder, and toppled against the table. Another pop. Snoke’s expression went from smug to shocked. Blood burst from his chest.

Snoke’s hold disappeared.

Kylo yelled, “Go! Run!”

You threw yourself out of the chair and sprinted through the store. Broken bodies, warped metal shelves, and shards of glass littered the floor. You sidestepped and leapt over each obstacle, not allowing your gaze to linger on any of it.

“Kylo!” Snoke bellowed and continued in a language you didn’t understand.

You couldn’t leave Kylo back there, though, bleeding and at the mercy of his maker.

Kylo yelled for you to go again.

You ran out of the convenience store and never looked back.

And you never stopped running.

Because nowhere was safe — not with Snoke out there and Kylo potentially under his control.

Kylo now sucked harshly at your neck, claiming you. Your thighs trembled as a big hand snaked inside your underwear to caress your belly. You couldn’t help but arch into his touch.

“Spread those legs for me.” He gripped the curve of your belly, fingers teasing your pubic hair. “I’ll remind you of your place.”

He cupped your mound. Two fingers dipped into your slit. It was mortifying to feel yourself slick.

He chuckled low in his chest.

“You’re going to moan for me.”

You shook your head and hid your face. You didn’t want him to see how you bit your lip to stifle your voice.

He pushed two thick fingers inside your cunt, filling and stretching. You gasped. It had been too long. He murmured soothing words against your neck while he massaged you from the inside. His palm pressed against your clit.

You tried not to move, to quiver, to make a sound. You told yourself it shouldn’t feel so good. You should push him away and run.

His other hand slid up your torso to cup one of your breasts. This time, he was gentle. The fingers inside you pumped slowly while he massaged your breast and teased the nipple. You were caressed, from the full lips nuzzling at your neck to the patient hand between your legs.

Kylo knew your body too well, and you hadn’t experienced his touch in so long. It haunted your lonely hours. Your own touch hardly compared.

“You’ll whimper my name and ask for more.”

He scissored his fingers to stretch your needy cunt.

You nearly asked him for more right there, but he continued:

“And you’ll come on my cock when I give it to you, won’t you?”

You jerked in his hold. He answered by pushing forward to grind the mound of his erection against your ass. He dragged the tips of his fangs over your skin, nipped at the sore spot he’d already sucked there, before placing the softest kiss.

“Exactly like you always do, my sweet.”

He pulled his hand from between your legs.

You opened your mouth to protest. He moved quicker than any human to turn your head, fingers wet with your juices, and silenced you with a kiss. His tongue swiped across yours, warm and exhilarating. You returned the kiss and tunneled your fingers into his thick hair, brushing the subtle point of his ear. He plunged his hand into the front of your underwear again.

Unerringly, he found your clit and swirled hypnotic circles around it. Your pussy became wetter by the second, easing the glide of his fingers.

Against your parted lips, he said, “That’s how it’ll always be.”

But you weren’t Kylo’s blood-whore. Your kidnapper had been wrong. They all were wrong about you.

Kylo kissed you, claiming and deep and wrong and so filthy, you couldn’t mute a moan. He found a rhythm on your clit that made your cunt flutter and breath catch. You fisted his hair as you panted between sharp kisses.

You wanted to cover yourself and hide when his lips curled in a knowing grin.

You tore your mouth from his.

“Stop,” you said, though it didn’t sound convincing even to your own ears.

He ignored you, his clever fingers sending sparks of pleasure down your spine.

“I don’t… I can’t—” You clenched your jaw as your thighs quaked and muscles tensed. You were so close, orgasm building. “Kylo, I— I’m…”

He slipped his hand from your underwear, leaving you desperate for relief. Your cunt weakly pulsed as your orgasm died. You panted and let your forehead fall against the damp wall. Your combined shadows stained the concrete.

Kylo held your heaving ribs. He trailed delicate kisses along your nape. It was at once a connection and a reminder he could tear your spine out.

Wet fingers traced your bottom lip. You smelled the tang of your own arousal and clenched your teeth.

Kylo nosed at your ear to whisper, “I want to taste you on your tongue.”

You’d done that for him countless times. It drove him mad. He’d suck your flavor off your tongue while moaning and grinding his hips. He’d hold you tight while growling praises in your ear and working his big cock deep inside.

You shook your head and squeezed your eyes closed, despite knowing you’d ultimately lose this war. The only thing you could do was oppose his every pleasure in this last battle.

“Why are you still fighting me, sweetness?” he asked.

Your breath went uneven and your chest trembled.

You didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to fight him—

But Snoke.

Snoke was out there. He’d force Kylo to ruin what you two had.

The thought made tears flood your eyes and stream down your cheeks. When you sobbed, Kylo pushed two fingers between your teeth and pried open your jaw. You didn’t have to see it to sense his heated gaze. Kylo always — always — watched you.

The taste of salt and blood and musk coated your mouth. You refused to participate, remaining still as his fingers explored your tongue. Every measured stroke of his fingers tantalized — and aroused — no matter how much you denied it.

He withdrew his fingers and asked, “Why are you fighting me?”

“Please, don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t take me back to Snoke.”

Kylo nuzzled your cheek and shushed you. He kissed away your tears as slick digits smeared against your lips.

Your breath shuddered around a powerful unease expanding in your gut. You’d been foolish to think you’d get away. This was only delaying the inevitable. Kylo was toying with you. No doubt he had every intention of dragging you in front of Snoke where they’d decide your fate.

You were Kylo’s, and Kylo was Snoke’s. It was in the blood. Not even bleeding yourself dry would grant you a reprieve. The connection you had with Kylo wouldn’t fade, even with death.

“I can’t take you back to Snoke.”

“What? He’ll hunt—”

“No, he won’t.”

You half-turned to look into Kylo’s dark eyes and found him undaunted.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m Master now.”

His eyes flared red, brighter than before.

You shook your head. What had happened in the time you’d been gone? Why hadn’t he told you from the start? Why had he hurt everyone around you?

“His power resides in me alone,” Kylo said. “And now I’ve come to claim what’s mine.”

Not giving you time to form a question or voice it, he put his hand around your throat and crashed his lips against yours. Flesh ground against bone. His fingertips bruised. You were the meat to his butcher.

He groaned after a moment, as though relishing the near violence.

“Open.”

This time, you did.

He kissed you tenderly, sucking on your swollen bottom lip. His fangs grazed your skin. He flicked your tongue with his. You shivered at the silken touch of his preternatural tongue.

He made a satisfied sound deep in his chest at the taste of your arousal.

“Where is your place in this, sweetness?”

You blinked through the haze in your mind. You couldn’t form a reply.

“I…”

With a merciful shush, he turned you to face away. You placed your palms on the dirty wall. His hands caressed your sides until his thumbs hooked in the waistband of your underwear.

He couldn’t— Not here—

The haze fractured.

“No, Kylo, we can’t!”

He pressed you hard against the wall and put a hand across your mouth. Your underwear and jeans continued to slip down your hips.

“We can. I own the night and everything in it.”

Which included you.

Your lower body followed his as he straightened until your back was a perfect arch. The clammy air whispered between your legs, cooled your inner thighs. He kicked your feet farther apart.

Your eyes widen. He was going to take you like this, for anyone to see.

Your breath hitched at the press of his fingers at your soaked hole. He teased with swirling touches. You tried to keep your hips still, because moving was agreeing. It was acquiescing.

Kylo slid two fingers inside. Your cunt clenched around the intrusion. He purred and encouraged you to rest your head on his shoulder. He pushed deeper, slowly cycling his fingers. You rotated your knees inward, though you couldn’t fathom how your legs kept you upright.

His fingers retreated and pressed in, languid and thorough, as if trying to touch every part of your cunt. You turned your head to lean your forehead on his jaw.

He braced himself with a hand on the wall. You touched the back of his hand with shaking fingers. The fingers inside you sped.

You gasped, then bit the inside of your cheek.

“It’s been too long, hasn’t it?” he asked. “Your sweet little pussy isn’t used to this.”

You bit harder. You could only focus on his fingers fucking you open. He twisted his hand until his knuckles rubbed over your g-spot. You squirmed and swallowed a whimper.

“Let go, let me hear you. It’s just me and you here.”

“Ky-Kylo, please! Don’t— I can’t…”

“Yes, you can.”

A third finger eased inside to stretch you even more. Bolts of hot pleasure had you losing your breath. His fingers moved in measured thrusts, over and over. You clung to the wall as your knees almost buckled.

Then he pulled away. You twitched back to follow him or encourage him to continue. Full lips brushed your temple. His big hands took hold of your hips and raised you onto your toes.

“Just like that.”

Your heart leapt into your throat. He was going to take you here. If you tried to flee, he’d catch you within two strides.

Did you want to flee, though?

His touch left your body, giving you the opportunity. The metallic sound of his zipper opening held you in place. It had been too long. The weight of your connection to Kylo fixed you to the spot.

Heat smeared across your inner thigh. Knuckles brushed the underside of your ass. Then the thick tip of his cock parted your folds. You arched your back further, knowing what was coming.

Yet it didn’t come.

Kylo kept sliding his cock in your slit. He teased your stretched hole and the exposed bud of your clit. He did it until you rocked with him.

“Your place has always been in my bed.” He pressed his hard chest to your back. “Will always be. Beside me. With me.”

Your vision swam. The bricks blurred.

“Don’t ever forget it.”

A voluptuous pressure at your entrance made your eyes go wide. Hot tears spilled over your cheeks. You didn’t know how to respond, though you’d never forget his words.

Without warning, Kylo snapped his hips to impale you halfway down his cock. Beyond your control, a choked animal noise left your chest to resound through the empty alley. The bricks’ rough texture scraped your forearms and palms. Your body contracted around the heavy intrusion splitting you open.

Lips flitted along the juncture of your neck and shoulder.

“Just like this,” he murmured against your skin.

You groaned his name.

Kylo tensed and latched his hands to your hips and surged forward. He buried his cock completely in your pulsing cunt, pelvis tight to your ass.

You threw your head back with a piercing gasp.

He growled like the predator he was.

It was too much. It was like the first time with him. Every nodule on his cock woke nerves long asleep. You panted and shimmied and squirmed as your body acclimated. Each minute movement only added to your growing anticipation.

He gritted out, “Just like this — wrapped around my dick.”

He drew back. You protested with a small noise. He drove forward to start a brutal pace that had your vision narrowing and the edges darkening.

“Filled with my come.”

You trembled with every thrust. Your cunt got impossibly wetter with his words. He must’ve known, must’ve felt how they made you clench. Just like you knew your body — and heart — would accept him.

It had never hurt, and a part of you hated that. You hated how your body obeyed Kylo’s command. You hated how natural it was to kiss him, how easy your lips slotted with his. You hated how he fit so sublimely in you.

It was like you’d been made for him.

He angled his thrusts, somehow hitting even deeper, stroking every sensitive spot between your legs. The hands on your hips tightened as he pounded into you harder.

You moaned and pushed back. He hissed a “yes” and found that perfect rhythm. Your head spun. You clawed at the bricks while he continued an unrelenting assault.

You swallowed gasps and cut off another moan. One of his hands swooped to your jaw, tilting it up, stretching your neck.

“Don’t hide from me. Ever.”

Your breath caught.

“No, promise.”

His voice was black silk when he said, “Taking it so well. Such a good girl.”

You almost replied you wanted to be good for him. Only him.

He must’ve sensed it, because he stopped.

“No, don’t,” you said.

“Tell me. Tell me you feel it, too. Tell me.”

Tell me tell me tell me…

“I do! I feel it!” You shook your head as much as he’d let you. “Please, don’t— Please, I… I want to be good for you!”

Kylo groaned and tucked his face into your shoulder. His cock throbbed. He was going to bite you now. You knew it, could feel it.

His front teeth jabbed into your shoulder through your shirt. His fangs were so close. You hadn’t felt the sting and pull from his bite in so long.

You writhed in what you hated to admit was anticipation. At the same time, you mentally begged him to do it. Put you out of your misery. End the chase, the uncertainty, the killings. End you, if that was the culmination of this war.

He cursed and wrenched the collar of your shirt away. Stitches popped. Fangs pierced the juncture of your neck — a momentary pain. Hot suction followed, connecting your neck to your dripping, aching cunt. It gilded the coiling, molten pleasure building in your core.

He released your hip and plunged his hand between your legs. You bucked your lower body at the touch, torn between his hand and inhuman cock.

Then he began to thrust. He stroked your clit and sucked at your neck. You felt every mouthful of blood drawn from your veins, every slick-slide of his fingers on your clit, every harsh pump of his cock.

He worked your body, even as your muscles locked. You couldn’t move, couldn’t think. The tension and pressure built until you thought you’d explode with it.

But you didn’t.

You shook with each punishing thrust as he fucked you into a devastating orgasm. It burned through you like liquid fire. Wave after wave pulled you into its surge. Your mouth fell open with a silent scream. You couldn’t breathe. Heavy tears streamed down the outside of your face.

Kylo put a hand on your belly, smearing your come on your skin. His cock pistoned faster in your clenching cunt. He released your neck with a snarl. Warmth trickled over your collarbone.

“Kylo,” you mouthed.

He exhaled against your neck, breath tinged with iron.

“Plea—” Your voice broke. “Please, Kylo…”

“Please what?”

His soft tongue slithered over the tender puncture wounds.

Please, no more, you wanted to say. Please, don’t stop.

“Just… Please—”

Please take it all away.

He growled and snapped his hips forward. His pelvis slapped against your ass brutally — once, twice, three times. He buried his cock as deep as it would go before moaning. His cock pulsed. His come gushed, thick like honey, and filled you to overflowing. The warmth of it oozed down your thighs.

It was still for a brittle-edged moment.

Kylo placed his lips on your neck in a lewd mockery of a kiss. His breath puffed across your skin, as if his heart beat like a hammer. As if he had a heart.

You whispered, “Why do you keep hunting me?”

He wrapped his arms around your middle.

“Don’t you remember me saying I’d never let you go?”

Of course you did. However, people say that kind of thing in the throes of passion all the time. You assumed Kylo, despite being a vampire, was no different.

He said, “I call you my sweetness because you’re mine.”

His hands skimmed to your waist and steadied you as he eased his softening cock from your body. Your legs gave out, but he kept you from collapsing. You grabbed the bricks to catch yourself and leaned heavily on the wall, tilting out of Kylo’s hold.

Now that the sex was done, you yanked your underwear and jeans up over your hips. His syrupy come squished in your underwear and clung to the inside of your jeans. You cringed at the swampy feeling and the fact you’d let Kylo fuck you where anyone — everyone — could see.

The Knights of Ren couldn’t be far. They’d probably heard everything. Hell, they might’ve even watched.

You refastened your jeans and propped yourself against the wall in an attempt to muster a little dignity. It didn’t matter what stained your clothes now. They were already dirty with stress-sweat, come, and blood. Whatever garbage juice was splattered in the alley couldn’t make them grosser.

Kylo stood composed and less than a yard away, watching you. Always watching.

You resisted the urge to go to him and bask in his touch — the way he’d smooth your hair and cup your cheek. Like you were a beloved pet.

He’d made you his blood-whore.

The bite on your neck throbbed.

“I said I’m here to claim what’s mine. That still stands.”

You inhaled a stuttering breath and stared at his scuffed motorcycle boots.

“Snoke nearly took you from me,” he said. “You, who I want beside me every night.”

“But not forever.”

You were mortal. You would die. Time would end things, even if Snoke couldn’t anymore.

“Not forever if you keep running.”

You looked into his eyes that were the beautiful warm brown you adored. They went red. Your heart sped. They looked too much like Snoke’s.

“Stop running from me, sweetness.”

You blinked at the reverberating command. Your feet planted themselves to the concrete. You’d been running from Snoke, not Kylo. If Kylo told the truth, and Snoke really was dead, there was no point in running. You didn’t need to be apart from Kylo.

“You are everything good in my existence,” he said. “I refuse to be separated from you any longer.” He slashed at the air. “I won’t allow anyone to stand in my way.”

Not even you.

He’d made sure of that, too. Everyone you’d become friendly with in your mad dash from anyone vampiric had been killed. It’d been your fault. You’d acted like a spooked rabbit, running from burrow to burrow — and condemning every soul along the way.

He took a half-step closer.

“Am I not yours?”

“If you were mine, you’d know not to hurt people who’ve helped me.”

“Helped you?” He tilted his head with a huff. “Helped you? They allowed you to live in squalor.”

You let out a scornful laugh and crossed your arms over your chest.

Living in pre-furnished studio apartments or clean hostels wasn’t what you’d call squalor. It wasn’t a gothic castle overlooking a forested valley, either. Then again, no one you’d worked with lived in better conditions. Not even Vic, who only had a cozy one-bedroom.

Kylo held out a hand.

“Come with me. Let me give you what you deserve.”

You glanced at his broad palm and long, sturdy fingers. There was a time when those hands cradled you and loved you. There was a time when you didn’t know what they looked like covered in blood.

“I deserve peace,” you said.

“I can give you peace and safety. I’ll give you anything you want.”

You read between his lines. He’d give you anything as long as you stayed with him. If you explored the world on your own, you’d be exposed — as would he. You’d always be a weak point to exploit. You’d always be vulnerable. Snoke had figured that out.

You uncrossed your arms and looked into his eyes. Red encircled his irises, as though his vampire nature had been eclipsed.

“Give me your blood. Make me strong like you. Make me a vampire.”

He reared back as if you’d swiped at him. Astonishment painted his features.

“You want me to be your sire?”

“You want me beside you every night, don’t you?”

He breathed, “You love me.”

“Do you love me?”

He wet his bottom lip — such a human gesture — while his gaze darted to the side.

“I shouldn’t. It is a hindrance.” His dark eyes were like pools of deep water when they met yours. “You’ve seen what my kind do to each other.”

He indicated the scar going up his cheek. Snoke had missed ruining Kylo’s eye by millimeters.

You nodded and moved closer to touch the scar. It was a smooth, narrow groove in his blood-warmed flesh.

If Snoke had struck you like he’d stuck Kylo, it would’ve destroyed your jaw and cheekbone. You would’ve had implants and surgeries and weeks of speech therapy.

“I shouldn’t,” he repeated, and pressed your hand to his cheek.

“Neither should I.”

Not after all he’d done.

You’d hated him. You’d feared him. You thought about him every single day. You’d imagined different scenarios, from fighting him to falling at his feet to staking his heart.

He placed his other hand on your hip.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

You’d downplayed your feelings before Snoke had taken you. You’d told yourself you were satisfied with Kylo visiting a few nights every week. You had your freedom and privacy, a decent job and apartment, and a vampire lover. What more could you need?

Kylo lived in a different world, one he didn’t allow you to play tourist in. He’d said he wanted you to live a normal life. He wanted you happy and safe. At your insistence you were safe — and perfectly happy! — he exploded from the sofa where you two had been lounging. He’d flipped the coffee table and yelled you couldn’t possibly be either.

You’d ordered him out, telling him to leave and not come back until he wanted to behave. You hadn’t wanted to look at him right then. He’d rounded on you with a snarl, fangs flashing.

Then he’d been on you, kissing you, devouring you, tasting every inch of your body. He held you down and fucked you: on your knees, on your back, on the sofa, on the floor, on the upended coffee table, on your bed. You’d climaxed over and over again. He hadn’t stopped until dawn forced him to ground. You’d called in sick to work and sat in an epsom-salt bath for nearly an hour.

“I can’t leave this existence,” he now said. “I can’t leave you, either.”

“Then don’t.”

He shuffled you to the wall, his touch gentle. He always returned loving and tender, with sweet words and sweeter caresses.

“I’ll never let you go. I can’t.”

He grazed his fingertips across the clotting wound at your neck. You closed your eyes with a sigh. It should’ve stung, yet all you felt was him. He repositioned your hand from his cheek to his muscled shoulder. You slid your palm under the weight of his hair to hold his nape.

“Then don’t.”

You stared into his eyes, watching as red bloomed across his irises. It didn’t startle you any longer. The white of his delicate-tipped fangs gleamed. You drew him towards the wound and tilted your head back.

He made a desperate, hungry sound and wrapped you in his arms, supporting your head. You relaxed into his hold. Your breath shallowed.

This was the end. The end of running, of being scared, of the war you never wanted in the first place.

A faint star glimmered overhead — the lone witness to the ceasefire.

Kylo struck. He bit deeper than he ever had before. You gasped and clung to him as he drank the first mouthful. Your blood gushed with every beat of your heart.

Your feet left the ground. The night spun in a cacophony of dingy brick, velvet sky, and sodium lights. It spun and spun into a soft blur where nothing touched you and you touched nothing. Not even Kylo.

Liquid metal poured into your mouth, raging and carnal and animalistic. You swallowed. It was like swallowing a hot sea, like drowning. There was so much, too much. Energy filled you and flowed through you until you crashed against Kylo.

You opened your eyes and saw him as though it was the first time. You cradled his stunning face in your hands, his skin so new and electric. His eyes held all the warmth in the universe — its heat death quite improbable while he existed.

“I’m never letting you go,” you said, and kissed him.

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 32

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 6k

A/N: I fear its safe to say I don't do well with change. I moved back to school and couldn't find my groove. Who knew I just needed a little ovulation and commute to work time to bang this one out. Chapter 33 will be arriving shortly.

Well Javier was on the floor. Without a complaint. The two of you didn’t stay too long at the fair considering each ride had a wait time of forty five minutes. In the car you decided to keep your hotel but still be open to staying over, when it was appropriate.  So now you’re on his bed, back in one of his shirts. Surrounded by him. Criss crossed while he’s sat up on the floor. 

“You could come up here.” You offer, removing your rings and placing it on his nightstand. Already claiming his space as your own, too natural for you. The offer has him quirking a brow. It was a test, you know he shouldn’t. Shaking his head.

“I shouldn’t.” He settles into the mattress, pulling the blankets to his shoulders. “We could talk like this.” Grunting from adjusting his newly relaxed body. You move forward on your stomach so that he could see you. Resting your head on your arms. You smile feeling like two kids at a sleepover, whispering and peering over the bed to see if the other fell asleep yet.

“Good you passed that one. Let's continue shall we?” 

The game of 21 questions was more like two hundred questions and it continued all the way into the house. 

Did you date?

I thought you asked me not to tell you about all of that.

I said I don't want to hear about Camila or Daniela or whoever.

You remember their names?

Yes, I couldn’t sleep and thought about a Camila under you. He flexes his jaw at that. 

I went on two dates, which were set up by my partner Steve Murphy and his wife. They ended with goodbyes after dinner. Never spoke to them again.

I went on some dates too. 

I don’t want to hear about that. You pinch him on the elbow and he shrugs. We’re different about that stuff, I hate to hear it. You nod and get the urge to apologize but fight it. 

Now in bed he clears his throat, “Alright. Tell me what your apartment looks like?”

You smile, “It’s a steal for the area. I actually have a bedroom for the price of a studio. My rooms a bit more eclectic than my one here. My bedding is white but my room walls are a burgundy color. There’s no closet so I have a clothing rack. None of my living room furniture is new… it’s all second hand from stoop sales or whatever. My birds shit without batting an eye so I opted not to be dumb about that. What did yours look like?”

His eyes are closed for a moment like he’s trying to imagine it. “Hmmm.. it was dim in there, always. The kitchen and living room were open, a few steps to lead you to the living room. I had a leather couch and a desk. My television was pretty nice. Nothing was really– mine. I tried not to make it feel lived in because I didn’t want to get attached to that place–that world.” There’s a face that you’ve never really seen from him until you’ve been here. It’s one nearly blank but you know the way his face moves, there's a small crease in his brows and he clenches his jaw. Like talking about Colombia pained him and he has to conceal it. Almost like a child admitting to their faults after a spanking. Quiet, embarrassed, unsure, and on the verge of breakdown. “You would have hated it there.”

Probably. You just nod the best you can while laying down. Waiting for his question. 

“Um…” He closes one eye, like it’ll help him think. He opts to go silent for a moment like he conjured a question but was waging his options. 

Should I? Is this a line I shouldn’t cross? Is the wound still open? “Have you heard from your father?” 

You frown for a second. Off put and taken off guard. Remembering the day, remember the rolling grass, low hanging branches and the cold demeanor from the one person she needed warmth from. Hearing urgent and violent words like I love you. Promising to take care of you. 

“No. I never went back there. He never called me even though I’m sure my grandmother told him I moved to Louisiana. I stopped needing him after I got to know him.” You rarely thought of him, just the concept of being without a parent. Then you became an educator and realized that anyone you call family is your own. Your students taught you that, so did Javier years earlier but you suppose maybe you weren’t ready to accept it yet. 

Javier hums to himself, staring at the ceiling. Contemplating if he should really share the way he had felt. Afraid it would break some rule in this delicate game you’ve got going. Wondering if you’ll furrow your brow and turn you back to sleep or internalize what’s climbing up, up, up his throat. 

“If this is… against your rules you don’t have to say anything or we could move on…”

“Okay.”

Again he can’t look at you. How is it that you reduce him to a shy young boy? 

“There’s nothing more that I want in life than to be the father of your kids.” There he goes leaping over the bounds to which he’s left in, but he can’t help it. It’s all he thinks about, all he thought about three years ago and it plagued him every time you spoke of your own father. He doesn’t see you but he can feel your eyes closed, silent, internalizing it all. After all, you'd never turn your back on him. “No one will ever know you like me. Love you, sure, but not as much as me. You’re too easy to love. But I know that you could show me what a mother looks like and I could show you what a father looks like. Our kids will never be in pain the way we were. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or-or confused. It’s all I thought about when I was away. And I’m so sorry for ever making you think I didn’t want you in that way.” Because he should have known that it was a deep point of insecurity for you, a deep well created by your parents. Urge to be loved, to create something and love it in a much fiercer and kinder way than your parents did you. Lorraine being able to have all that you wanted came like slice to the stomach. 

Sniffling, you rub your face into the crook of your arm. Hiding from Javier. He looks this time and he doesn’t try to hold your hand like you’re itching for. 

“Thank you… I—.” You wipe your face. Not willing to open the can of worms this could conjure if you just told him straight up that you’d be willing to start now. Fuck the trial, fuck trying to learn each other again, let’s start a family. Be irrational but be happy. You decide to keep it together. You thank him and he knows it’s genuine, you see it in his eyes. He understands your reluctance. “I found that I don’t have the need for many people in my life-“

“I need you.” He says before you. Like he did when he said he loved you. Throat bobbing, he pulls his sheets over him. “I’ll wait for you, until you need me again.”

“Can never get enough of each other huh.” Chucho chuckles while washing his hands in the sink. Boots clean and squeaking against the floor. It was a part of his routine, cleaned his boots every night even if he worked the next morning. 

Last night you fell asleep with your face buried into the crook of your arm. Hand dangling off the mattress, grazing Javier’s neck. Need to touch, woke up with a sore arm. Bleary eyed you notice there’s no-body by the bed. Silent but the sound of running water. 

That’s how you found Chucho, ready for the day at 8 am. Embarrassingly you pad into the kitchen in Javier’s shirt and boxers. 

You shrug, he hands you a cup of coffee. Nodding a thank you, “We have established clear boundaries. We are just spending quality time. We have a lot to make up for.” You say it with a bit of a half awake half still dreaming slur that has Javier’s father beaming. 

“Well if that’s what you’re calling it nowadays, so be it. I won’t be back until four pm.” He places his cup down and starts walking away. Your jaw drops and you nearly run after him. But you know he’s fucking with you, his shoulders bounce. 

“It’s not like that!” You call and he waves a hand at you over his shoulder and steps straight out of his own home. Screen door slamming with a brisk breeze. 

You hear a sneeze, “What’s not like that?” Your head snaps and eyes lock with Javier’s. Freshly showered, hair so wet it droops on his forehead. He looks younger this way. Grey shirt loose with jeans to match. Socked feet, he looks like he doesn’t want you to go anywhere. At least seeing him like this makes you want to find a nest for yourself in his bed. You can’t help but smile at him. 

He’s skeptical of your cheery mood. Brows furrowing, nostrils flared but a hint of a smile. He’s cautious, like he knows you’re up to something. You aren’t, at all. You’re just giddy and it’s only been two days and you feel your boundaries loosening. Just wanting to find that place you yearn for. Just run to him now, kiss him, tell him to put a baby in you. Grab, pull, lick, love, whatever came with it. You decide to control yourself a bit. 

Your eyes drop to his hands, he’s holding three VHS tapes. Your brows furrow just the same, wondering what movie he wanted to see with you. It wasn’t a thing the two of you ever did. Your time spent was short and only for conversations and kisses. And pot, back before everything. You had to stop smoking after getting your teaching gig. 

You want to say something bratty like, assuming I’m staying for some home videos? But you can’t even do that, lord when did you become such a softie? “Big plans?” Is all you can manage to croak.

He shrugs, “Are you staying?” He says it without shame, you know it must take a lot for a man to nearly beg. You know he means please stay. 

You look at him once more and down at your boxer clad legs. Shrugging. “I suppose”

Eric Fredricks' family owned a Haitian restaurant off main street. It was a small take out spot that had been bustling with business since 1961. Eric was your classmate. A friend of everyone, known for his large digital camera he carried around school. The loud, goofy kid shoved his damn camera in everyone’s faces. Annoyed or not, he would always say, “When you fuckers are forty you’re really going to appreciate these recordings!” 

Well, each year he cut, edited and burned these tapes as his own NR rated yearbook videos. Selling them around school and you bought one each year. He was chill with the price for you just because you always perked up in front of his camera. Ready to gleam and answer whatever stupid questions he had like;

“Andrea, how does it feel to be the worst lacrosse player in Laredo history?”

“Or Andrea, what are your thoughts on today’s LHS Chilli special? “ 

You always answered with the same slapstick humor he had. You thought you lost these tapes years ago. Javier seemed to remind you that you left them at his house, might’ve been when Javier was in Houston.

 He was right, your mother’s VHS player stopped working in 1982. You remember popping these tapes in and watching them during your winter break from Miami. Chucho snoring on the lazy boy, saved him from watching the closest thing he had to a daughter do a keg stand with her skirt flipped up towards her chest. 

“I’ve never seen these.” Javier grunts when he straightens back up and walks to sit next to you on the brown couch. A couch with the tendency to swallow you whole. You remember Javier on his knees before you, pillow covering your spread legs while he unlaced your boots. 

“Well you left so…” You grab the control and snicker, pressing play.

“Hah. Hand me that.” he gestures to the pack of cigarettes on the side table. You shake your head no and settle into the seat. “Cmon.” 

“No. No smoking in the house.” You snap at the tv, “Watch.” 

It’s Eric’s face, he’s sitting in his bedroom. “Hello. I’m Eric Fredricks. I’m fifteen and my passion is digital media. The yearbook club is full of hacks and strokes, so I’m going to make my own. The date is September 21st 1979. Ok bye!” the film glitches and the camera makes its way down the hall. Faces of people who you haven’t seen in years. Hairstyles forgotten, thank god. Winks at the camera, sly comments from Eric behind it. He asks questions in his interview segment that would never make it to the school's video yearbook. 

“What does Eric do now?” Javier asks. It’s easy to forget that he missed so many crucial moments. He missed the infamous lunch box incident in 81', Laredos first soccer championship, the halloween rager that led to the assembly—all of that. You wonder if that’s normal, for the development of a person. To be plucked out of childhood and forced to be an adult while everyone else got to worry about if their drivers test aligned with their basketball practice schedule. Burdened with the responsibility of a person's livelihood is no place for a seventeen year old. 

You bring your knees to your chest, finding the most comfort when you're guided and held. “Last I heard he was doing media production for Saturday Night Live. Like in New York City.”

He feels it too, you see the way his brows quirk. How he almost frowns. “That’s crazy—how different things went for everyone else.” You knew at that moment that the tape would be mere background noise. 

“You— you know you made a name for yourself too.” 

Hm. 

You weren’t sure if that’s what you wished to say. He doesn’t get upset with you for it. He chooses to let it slide and for that you’re grateful because you hadn’t had a clue about what to say to him. 

“Yeah.” He chuckles but doesn’t seem to be that amused. He pinches the bridge of his nose, leaning his head against the back of the couch. There’s not much to be said anymore. Lorraine changed the fabric of his being, so did the DEA. And maybe you too. His hand splayed on his knee, knuckles red from repeated trauma to the area. You opted to abandon the topic in general. Seeing his stomach tighten up under the thin fabric of his t-shirt when the choice was your hand on his. Small, soft, against his. 

The two of you relish in the harmless intimacy, you give each other this. Tiny touches could be enough. 

The two of you watch the bootlegged documentary in mostly silence. Rotating who strokes the other with their thumbs. You think about turning your cheek, kissing him. Pressing close and making out for a bit. A casual make out, breathy and gripping. You decide against it. This would be so easy if it was anyone else but him. 

It’s not because you feel like you can’t control yourself—it’s not like a make out with Javier Peña would have your panties at your ankles. You could control yourself more than that. What it is—is that you’ll take advantage of those little liberties. Sneaking kisses at any time and when you go back home, you’ll be lost without it. 

Maybe you’re doomed anyway, because if this doesn’t work out you don't know what you’ll do knowing you can’t just hold his hand. 

Your brother comes out on halloween with a fang induced lisp drunkenly reciting the alphabet backwards at a party while Eric cackles behind the camera. It makes you laugh so hard you cry, missing being young. Missing your brother. 

Lorraine pops up. High ponytail with red cheeks from gym class. Hands on her hips, it’s wrong for such an evil person to be so beautiful. You look at Javier and there’s a frown on his face. 

He wonders why she was so bad to him, what he did to deserve to be plagued by her. He regrets knowing her, it’s hard for him to watch her smile. 

Then you show up and Javier’s eyebrows raise. “I remember that day.” He mutters. There you are, looking the same just with that baby fat at the apple of your cheeks. Your hair was the closest to its natural brown, your pants were severely high waisted and your shirt a lacy shawl like thing. You’re at a locker taping a flier about lacrosse tryouts when the camera rushes you.

“Andrea Diaz! How does it feel to be Laredos worst lacrosse player?” Javier snorts next to you, squeezing your hand. That’s what he would do, come up to you and ask the dumbest, rudest questions. There, a fifteen year old Andrea rolls her eyes and rolls her thumb to secure the tape. 

Crossing her arms, “I’ll answer your dumb questions if you’re nicer about it.” You cringe at the sound of your own voice, sounding awfully juvenile. Javier’s entire demeanor goes soft. All it took was the sound of you—back then, for him to forget the panic in his gut when watching Lorraine in her prime. 

“Alright sure-sure- Andrea Diaz how does it feel to be the sexiest girl in all of Laredo?” Eric had quite the country accent, it made every line delivered feel like that of a typecasted movie star. 

Quirking a brow, “I wouldn’t know. I could ask your mother.” 

“All right that’s enough! You’re impossible to please ,woman!” Eric yells from behind the camera and it fades in little blocks to you getting set up for a keg stand. 

You’re in a skirt and a flowing yellow top. Stumbling a bit, Daniel holds your shoulder to keep you upright. You try not to think too hard about the images you’ve left in people’s minds while you were drunk. Javier is getting more and more tense each passing moment. His hold on your hand becomes just a hold and no longer a soothing stroke. 

You’re cringing at yourself, flipping your hair and chanting that you could do it while Daniel holds your waist. Hands trailing over your stomach, you almost forget that before Javier you had your fair share of hookups, him your most consistent. 

The date on the corner March 1st 1980. 

Drunkenly you lean forward and another one of your peers holds your other leg while another shoves a tap in your mouth. The entire party off screen and on, start chanting your name with whoops. That’s when your skirt flips and exposes the plain blue panties. 

You cover your eyes. 

“I don’t like this.” Is all that Javier can say, on the screen no one covers you until a random classmate of yours, Jenna? Or was it Jessa? Runs to your aid and calls all the men pigs before holding your skirt in its place. You’re dropped down and again you stumble backward into the arms of your pseudo boyfriend. 

And then you yak all over the floor.

 “Jesus christ I forgot about that.” You rub your eyes afraid to look over at Javier. 

“Did—anything-“

“No. Well I think we went to someone’s room and made out. Then I walked home.” 

His head nearly falls off his shoulders. “He let you walk home like that?” Javi grits, letting go of your hand. 

You shrug, “Dunno, high school shit.” 

“Why didn’t you call me?” 

Your brows furrow, he’s being ridiculous but you know he can’t help it. He wanted—wants, nothing more than to take care of those he loves. You watch the video back, seeing your young eyes and wish to take care of her too. You can’t even imagine him. He only lets you know the surface level of his concern for you. You know it’s more than wishing you had called him. 

You had before, panicked and blushing using the party home phone. 

You decide calling him ridiculous would be in bad faith. You just lean your head on his shoulder. Moving your hand from his and holding his bicep instead. He looks at you out of the corner of his eye. Face softening along with his tense shoulders. “I don’t know. I was sixteen and stupid. And drunk.” Your cheek feels too good there. 

He’s studying you. You wished you could read him in these moments. When he’s so in his head, he’s taking you in completely. “Can you? Now I mean.”

Your lips quirk and the apples or your cheeks redden. Pulling your brows because sometimes he’s too sweet it gives you a toothache. “I live in New York, Javi.” 

“I know.” He’s close enough to kiss. “But I want you to call me anyway. If you ever feel unsafe or unsure—i know how twisted a human can be—i’ve seen-“

There it is. He’s cut off by a kiss on his shoulder.

 “I will.” It’s a featherlight whisper and he does that thing again. That look, this time with a bit of restraint. The two of you focus on the screen again.

Twenty minutes into the forty-six minute video the two of you revert back to telling stories about the students on the screen and laughing at how high school, your high school experience really was.

“This is great, hottest couple in the school right in front of me.” Eric laughs, camera pointed at the ground then quickly shot up. Blurring than focusing on Javier at his locker. He looked so young, red cap on his head with a Righteous Brothers t-shirt. The image of him as a seventeen year old in your head had been fading for a few years, but now you’re watching him living, breathing and moving as himself. Smiling once he sees Eric approaching him. 

“What the fuck was I wearing?”

You laugh, your cheek pressed to his shoulder. “Don’t know but I was obsessed with you anyway.”

He makes one of those grunts where you can’t tell if he’s annoyed with himself or with you. You nudge his shoulder with your chin. “What?”

“Makes me feel like such an asshole.”

All you could do was sigh. You know he’d give it all to do it over again. You look at Lorraine and there seems to be love there. It never fails to make your blood boil. You know that loving Javier can make you feel sick, crazy or desperate. But you suppose her love was selfish. For a while you felt like your own love was selfish, not caring for the consequences. But you suppose it was just a natural progression. Miles away from scheming to keep him forever, by ways of manipulation. The look in his eye isn’t the same since you left him. 

A young Javier takes Lorraine’s jaw in his hand and kisses her cheek. She rolls her eyes. “He’s obsessed with me.” She smiles and he mumbles a yeah. Your cheeks heat in a rage that’s so juvenile, you want to turn off the entire thing. Maybe this was a shitty idea. Watching your most insecure and turbulent years in front of you. You were obsessed with him, crying furious tears. Avoiding contact. While he was content with her. It’s a nerve that will always be left exposed. 

He clears his throat. 

“Were you?” You bite. Removing your head from his shoulder, he sinks at the loss. Leaning forward to get a full image of your face. His brows are pulled together in confusion until they soften when he notices this is nothing but you showing him you are still so into him. 

He bites back a smirk and you want to smack it off of his face. “Was I what, querida?”

You swear you will-

“Obsessed with her.” Firm, no room for it to sound like a desperate question. This definitely breaks one of your rules. But fuck it, he’s flawed and so are you, 

He shuts an eye and shakes his head no. “I liked her. She was pretty. She was my girlfriend…”

You frown, that title belonged to you. 

There he is, an inch away from your face with such intensity. “But I would fuck her, and picture you. I imagined that you’d blush the whole time and would pretend like you couldn’t handle me just so I can fuck you harder. Would have to bury my head where she couldn’t hear because I’d come and say your name.” Your cheeks turn cherry red, just how he likes. Cunt pulsing, it betrays you. You’re so flustered and angry with him you want to lean forward and bite him. He doesn’t waiver, he leans much closer. You shudder, feeling crowded by his body. He has the strength to do what he’d like with you, you’re sure you’d put on a fight until you’re unable to lie anymore. You had been soaked the whole damn time. “What? Have I broken your rules?” He whispers, nose nudging your own lightly. You can’t help it, your mouth parts searching for his—

But he backs away and laughs at you. He laughs! Shaking his head like you’re some bastard child. Leaning back cooley and pressing play again. Lorraine’s voice ringing through the speakers. 

Absolutely not. 

You sit in silence. Staring at him while he’s glued to the image of him and his ex girlfriend. Your chin quivers, and you clench around nothing.

“G-give me the remote.” You blurt. Chest falling, bubbling with anger. He doesn’t look at you but smirks. He ignores you. Eyes welling with tears. “Javi.”

More silence. More her. You reach for his hand and he doesn’t look at you. He isn’t looking at you… so you pounce. 

Jumping into his lap, clawing at him while he laughs and hurriedly finds different ways to keep you away from the remote. You’re seeping through your underwear and onto his boxers, your cunt rolling against his crotch unintentionally.

 Your brows screw—“Just—Javi please turn it off.” He chuckles again and he’s all of this without focusing on the pain you’re in. Emotionally, sexually, whatever. You reach around him lifting your hips to get ahold of the controller but you lose again. Bouncing on his lap a bit. He grunts.

“Javi— Please- I’m not kidding.” 

The tv shuts off with a wiring tone and his eyes finally land on your own. All the playfulness leaves when he realizes. And you feel like a heat sick kitten, rubbing on yourself this way. His brow raises, eyes falling to your tear stained cheek and down your grinding hips. You drop your face into his shoulder. At first he doesn’t touch you, he just watches you. Nose nudging your cheek. Wondering why after everything you’d give it up just to come quick like this. 

“Hey… hey.” He whispers at the shell of your ear. “Fuck—Andrea—“

You can only whimper into the crook of his neck. Taking your feel for the girl in those tapes, for the girl who dreamt of him while he did the same. It drove you crazy, it made you violent and horny. “Baby…” His big hands span from your shoulder blades down to  the small of your back and then splayed on your ass. Spreading you and rolling you harder. He grunts again. “Andrea… I can’t—we said we wouldn’t—I'm sorry for teasing you—cmon.” His hands move from your behind, come to your front, at your waist and lightly push  you away from him. 

He’s impossibly hard now, his tan cheeks have a bit more color now. He’s sweating. Feeling embarrassed, you freeze. Eyes dropped to his lap, cunt begging you to move again. You feel the length of him under you, mocking you. You shouldn’t. You know. You know he’s sorry for how rushed and stupid Christmas eve was. You’re still ticked off by it, but he’s doing so good for you. 

“I’m sorry… we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Is all you can muster out. 

“You know I want to.” He rushes, leaning forward so he can hold your face, it just makes him shift against you again. Your brows furrow at the release. 

“Okay…” A drop of sweat builds at the nape of your neck, the both of you are so turned on you’ll fuck each other if you keep this up. “Can we…can I…” You swear if he brings up your rules again you’ll crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment. 

He juts his chin at you, egging you to complete your sentence. 

You think you’ll die before you say it. Your face brightens real red and you shimmy out of his hold. You crawl off his lap and mutter to yourself. “Sorry, it’s stupid. I should just go.” 

He catches your wrist and sits you back down next to him. “Tell me.”

“It’s stupid! And gross probably.”

“We aren’t children.” 

You’ve been so open sexually until now. You felt twenty two again, never having orgasmed with another person, afraid to tell him what you wanted. He gave you it all. 

“Can we— or can I touch myself?”

Javier’s eyes darken, “You want to touch yourself.” 

God it’s like he’s trying to humiliate you. 

“Yes.”

He clenches his jaw so tight. “Can I watch? Or do you want to go to my room alone?” 

Idiot. 

“Can we do it together? Now.” You can’t let the moment pass. 

Well, he can’t either. His nostrils flare and he places his hand on his belt. Unbuckling so fast you can’t help but watch. You watch him unbuckle and unzip while you shimmy out of his boxers. His eyes glued to your movements. You feel filthy exposing yourself like this. He lifts his hips and pulls his jeans down a bit, the heft of his cock making a print through his underwear. You remember leaning down and pressing your lips along his bulge once. You’d like to do it again. 

You circle your fingers along your clit over your panties. He palms himself. 

“Tell me what to do.” You whisper. 

“Oh.” He reaches into his boxers and pulls his length out. Your pussy clenches at the sight, a thatch of hair at the base and curved. You touched yourself to the thought of it. You pull your panties down and lift one leg up on the couch, spreading yourself open. “Give me your fingers.” 

You furrow your brow but remove them. Bringing your hand to him. His free hand grasps your wrists and he takes no time, he puts the same two fingers in his mouth. You gasp, while he sucks, stroking his dick at the same time. Your fingers are impossibly wet when he stops. Your wrist is still in his hold. “Don’t put any fingers in until I tell you. Just play with your clit for a little.” 

You nod, bringing your fingers back to it. Moving in tight circles. Javier’s fist is dry, working his way up and down his shaft— your lips gather with drool—you want to-

“Spit on it. If you want. Or I can.” He reads your mind. You take no time, moving to your knees, your knees knocked together giving you a tighter squeeze for your fingers. Feels even better. You lean into his lap, back arched like a kitten. 

Javier groans at the sight. You desperately want to put your mouth on him—my rules, my rules. Spit drips from your mouth and onto the red head of his pretty cock. His hand comes to the back of your head and you moan, wishing he’d push down and force himself into your mouth. But he just strokes the back of your head instead. You lean back into the arm of the couch, you’re no longer side by side. Your whole body is barred for him, you bring your free hand under your shirt. Grabbing your breast and rolling your fingers over your nipples. 

He uses your spit and moans audibly now. Grunting in his low baritone, you collect your slick and use it for slip. Your stomach tenses, “Put your finger in. Middle.” You nod and feel even more unsatisfied. “Fuck, I missed that pretty little face you make when something goes inside your cunt.”

“Javi…” You whine throwing your head back, fucking yourself with your small finger. 

“I know—fuck.” Pre-cum gathers all over the tips of his fingers. You’ll ask to lick his hand clean when you’re done. “I know your cunt wants my cock again—I’m sorry I can’t.”

“It’s not enough.” Your knees knock together in protest. 

“I know-I know. Add another baby. Ring.” You watch his stomach go taut so he slows down his strokes. Licking his lips at the sight of you adding another. “Mm. I miss you so much.” He shudders. 

“I’m right here.” 

“Please don’t leave me—fuck.” He whines, it’s so unlike him. You watch his tip surge through the tight hole he’s made for himself, he’s close but you’re closer. You can’t believe it’s him asking you this. “I want to follow your rules—show you I’m good—but please let me kiss you.” 

The ridges of your fingers aren’t enough, you use your other hand to circle your clit without permission. He’s so caught in his emotions that he doesn’t seem to care that you touched yourself without his command. 

He tells you what to do but truly he’s at your will. His eyes well with tears and his brows are pulled together. “Let me take care of you, I’ll do everything you say if you let me kiss you—“

“I can’t— I’m going to come!” Your back arches and it builds. You can’t see him now but you hear his pace, his fist slapping against his base. You writhe and shiver and it comes crashing down. You come hard, you mutter I’m sorry, over and over. And he groans at the sight, you can’t give him what he wants. 

You can try and give him something else. You catch your breath and open your eyes. Your own come dripping to the inside of your thighs. He watches in pain, “Baby—” You whisper, fuck that’s against the rules probably. He nods, submissive suddenly. “Come here, come on my cunt.” You want to be marked, he’s yours. 

“Andrea—“ still he’s fighting his need to follow your rules. 

You nod, “It’s okay, come here.” He lets his length go at once, it twitches at the sudden abandonment. You lean forward and grab his arms, and he finally climbs over you. Reluctant, “Please Javi. Let me have what I want.” Were you power tripping? Yeah. But it was always him in control. You open your legs and he clenches his jaw. “Do you want me to finish it?” 

He shakes his head no, you know he wants it. Still he tries to be good. You begin to touch yourself under him. He begins to jerk himself off inches away from your cunt. Your knuckles brush against each other and you're already climaxing again. He slaps faster, breathing heavily in the crook of your neck. 

“Fuck—move your hand.” You do and he’s coming all over you. It shoots and covers the new growth of hair, it's warm against the bare part of you. Dripping and he instinctively slides his twitching, softening cock between your folds. The two of you gasp when just the tip of his cock prods your hole. Gasping at the way you pulse for him for that one second like muscle memory. “Sorry.” He mumbles, taking a hold of his still twitching and leaking length. He panics and tucks himself back into his boxers before he relaxes himself on you. 

He’s catching his breath, you think he’s crying against your shoulder. 

“It’s okay.” 

You hold the back of his head, hoping to soothe him. 

He had done this for you countless times. You find no issue doing it for him.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x08 After the Rain (Part 2)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

This is going to be a very musical issue, guys ;)

Boxing Match

So. We're here at this boxing match where Will's going to face an ethical dilemma, Simon's going to be involved, Lord Featherington is going to face some consequences of his actions, and Anthony's going to fuck Siena against a wooden beam in the back.

And Colin... is going to sit and happily chat with Benedict in the background. Apparently, he's not in a moody mood over Marina anymore.

I like the top hats though. There are times when this show veers so far into fantasy that I don't necessarily recognize the 1800s. But the top hats feels very much like 1800s. And I appreciate that.

Well, this scene might not really have anything for me to meta but... I'll bring in a BTS thing...

Apparently, Jonathan Bailey, Luke Thompson, and Luke Newton spent Season 1 harmonizing this little tidbit and it makes me wish that Bridgerton was a musical, because these boys can sing, and this is absolutely delightful. I wish this was better quality and longer.

(Bringing it up here - because I think this was filmed around the time of this boxing match? The costumes look similar.)

Anyway... there should be more singing on this show. Just, there should. That's how I feel about that.

Speaking of more singing...

Family Time

Omg, it took me forever to find this gif.... But I wanted to use a gif here because I wouldn't be able to still Colin because he's moving so much. Anyway...

We've got one of our big family scenes again. And as I've said before, I've always liked these scenes because the family dynamics are always richly on display, and one of the aspects the show does really well. The interplay between all of the different storylines is great here, as each one kind of gets a little nod as they weave in and out of the scene.

So, let's talk about this almost blink-and-you-miss-it Polin moment.

Francesca is back in town, so are Simon and Daphne, and the family is in high spirits (since we're at the end of the season and wrapping this thing all up). And they get Colin to sing in a catchy little tune (which I'll get into in a moment). And, as much as Colin was sulking and in such a bad place in the previous episode, he's bounced back rather well. And while he's not over it (Colin, we're learning, seems to hold onto things -- and the Marina stuff isn't done yet), he's come back from the heartbreak rather quickly.

Which... I think really speaks to the nature of Colin's feelings more than anything -- as they weren't that deep. Do I think Colin cared for Marina? Yes. Do I think he got caught up in a grand fantstical romance? Yes. Do I think he actually loved her? No. Because as his family members mentioned in the previous episode -- he didn't really know Marina. He just liked the idea of her. And those shallower feelings are easier to bounce back from.

So, we have here a Colin who is in better spirits. And the thing that really sticks out to me in this scene is how young Colin looks. He's singing what's essentially a child's play song, like London Bridges or Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Colin was pushing himself to be An. ADULT. But he's not fully there yet. And I feel like this scene kind of pushes Colin back to where he was at the start of the season. That sweet, charming young kid. Only he's not that anymore. Not really. Experiences do change a person.

Meanwhile, we have Penelope. She comes into this a little hesitantly. She's clearly there for Eloise. This is the first time we really see her in the family dynamic. Even though we don't see it -- it's implied that Penelope is often over there, and feels pretty comfortable being in the Bridgerton drawing room. She grew up there. She and Eloise's friendship formed there. And there she can be around Colin in an appropriate way. It is a home for her.

So, it's interesting that she comes into this room with that hesitancy. She takes a moment to watch Colin while he's singing - and I do believe in this moment she doesn't regret what she's done with Lady Whistledown. Because she's seeing Colin be happy again. Things are back to the way they were. And Colin feels like /her/ Colin again. And, oh, her longing look for him. Her love is always just radiating through her that it can't be contained.

There is also a small, little detail that I absolutely love. As she comes in, he's in the middle of a line, and his voice wavers and catches when he sees her. And I mean, not only does he see her - which is notable in that she's the girl who hides on the sidelines and doesn't get notice. But the sight of her is enough to catch him off guard. There's an unresolved tension there. And the moment acknowledges it, even if it can't address it.

Eloise, oblivious as usual, is going to jump in and steal Penelope away -- she's got news about Lady Whistledown. And the look of pure panic and terror on Pen's face as she worries that Eloise has discovered her secret...

But Eloise isn't there to unmask her, she's there to say that her sluething has brought her to the conclusion that Madame Delacroix is Lady Whistledown.

Penelope has a myriad of emotions that cross her face at this news. She's relieved that Eloise hasn't figured out her secret. But she's grateful that Eloise is on her and her family's side, and that Eloise's intentions are to have Lady Whistledown make a retraction to restore the Featherington name. It's an act of true friendship -- and Pen is so grateful that Eloise is her bff.

But also, there's a little bit of deflation there, too. It's a hard read, but the conversation takes a turn -- Penelope commenting on the fact that it's impressive that Madame Delacroix can run her business and be Lady Whistledown. And I'm not sure if it's out of a twinge of sadness that she can't tell Eloise that she is Lady Whistledown, or the fact that she's concerned that Madame Delacroix might be posing as LW, or just the fact that even if Penelope is rich -- Delacroix being able to live her life freely is a sad reminder that she can't.

Eloise loves the idea that Madame Delacroix can live life as she pleases, and aspires to be like her -- the unmarried and doing her own thing being the biggest appeals. But Penelope admits she can't be like that. She tells Eloise the fact that she has a sister who is a duchess will make it easier for Eloise to do whatever she likes -- including being a working, unmarried woman.

But Penelope isn't like that. Here she blames it on her family, and it's tattered reputation. Eloise can coast on her family's good fortune, but Penelope will always be fighting against her name and placement in society. But what is unsaid, too, is that while Penelope wouldn't mind making her own money (and, in fact, she already is), she does want to be married -- she does want love. And herein lies the comedy/tragedy of Penelope/Eloise friendship -- each has what the other one wants.

Of course, neither of these issues are going to be resolved here, so Eloise does something she doesn't even want to do with her siblings, and shares her chocolates, which brings a grin to Penelope's face. because they are good bffs.

And, of course, the ending moment is punctuated by the end of Colin's song, where he dissolves into a fit of laughter. And I just adore when Colin laughs, because he's such a sweetheart when he does.

But, okay, let's take a second and talk about the song -- which is called Now We Are Met. And, guys, I tried. I really tried. But I couldn't find much about this song, other than it was written by composer Samuel Webbe sometime during this era? There's not much to meta out of it -- other than it's a fun little song that you sing with your family around the piano, and it's usually done as a round. In case you're unfamiliar with rounds... here is a choir singing it (which, honestly, is really cool)

I would love to know the reason the show picked this particular song. Is it just a children's song that kids in the UK sing? Or is there some other meaning to it? I have no idea. Would love to hear from anyone who knows more about it - as I love discussing the use of music within story.

Yellow

Tying it to the boxing scene, Lord Featherington won a bunch of money, and now the Featheringtons aren't as badly off as they were - (even if society isn't that fond of them, still), and they're able to get bran new dresses for the Hastings' ball. Prudence is excited because she gets to let hers in. Phillipa finds hers to be perfect.

And... Penelope's is yellow.

It's such a great little comedic beat. (and, I mean, the bit with Portia telling Phillipa she can get married now that they can give her a dowry and Phillipa asking when it was lost is so hilarious. I'm so glad they pushed in on the comedy angle during Season 3.)

And, oh Penelope just isn't there yet -- she doesn't have the confidence to push against her mother's wishes. She doesn't have the power to let her clothes reflect the person she really is. She's still going to be that girl stuck in yellow, clinging to the walls of the ballroom for just a while longer. And that's okay. We've got a lot of great story to go!

And on that note, I'm going to end this musical based post with a cover Coldplay's Yellow -- a song, as you know, means a lot to this story, as we'll talk about a lot more come Season 3. :)

[spider-man-2o99]

individual stills of miguel Scampering on all fours and showing off his more distinct individual movement style (that he has because of his spider-man's Similar-but-still-distinctly-Weird-and-unique powers as compared to the more-graceful Others) so that i don't have 2 keep rewinding the clip(s) to see it. im REALLY excited to see him scuttling and skittering all over the place in the film just like he does in the comics-- and, like, seriously, Miguel Specifically being just. made Massive for some reason in his atsv design will never NOT be funny to me hes SO freakin Bouncy why did they Do That.

don't be Weird on my post or i'll kill you for real

[wikiangela]

tease tidbit tuesday

tagged by @bidisasterevankinard @tizniz 💖

more bucktommy the will talk (they're getting there, the conversation went a bit off track lol) - it might be done this week, and then I can focus on the smut, and the buddie fics, and I have a new bucktommy idea inspired by that video of lou barbecuing with his shirt off that I sooo wanna write🙈

prev snippet

___

“Well, yeah, of course.” Buck answers easily, his heartbeat speeding up. He’s a little anxious about putting too much pressure, too many expectations out there, but he also knows that even if he did, they’d get back on track, they’d be fine. And besides, Tommy’s smiling, he doesn’t seem freaked out at all. And that’s after Buck brought up children. But if they’re moving forward with their relationship, they need to know what they want out of life. It seems reasonable to have this conversation this early on.

“Good.” he responds, grinning widely. “Now I won't have to stress about your answer when I ask.” he adds, and Buck feels himself blush, butterflies in his stomach going wild. Oh. Oh. This is- this is real. They’re talking about it, and maybe someday soon- he might marry this man. He will marry this man. Tommy wants him forever. Tommy wants him. Tommy wants to marry him and have children with him, and just be with him. Sometimes it’s still so shocking to Buck that someone as great and amazing as Tommy wants him, but he does. Buck’s not sure he remembers the last time he felt this wanted.

“How- how do you know I won’t ask first?” Buck asks, moving his head slightly closer to Tommy, just enough to look into his beautiful blue eyes. It feels surreal, talking about this, when they only dated for a few months, but it also feels… right. It feels like they’re on the right track to get there one day.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @underwaterninja13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @buddieswhvre @fortheloveofbuddie @your-catfish-friend @theotherbuckley @daffi-990 @dangerpronebuddie @hoodie-buck @aroeddiediaz @diazsdimples

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

So we know that Wei Wuxian's treatment after his death was horrible. Even if nothing could impact him directly, there was still neverending slander, hatred, misinformation, theft...

But, for a while after he died, the sects did try to impact him directly – namely, frequently trying to resummon his soul. And today I'll explore the possible reasons for this, their likelihoods, and why I'm so, so thankful that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the summons. Because, spoiler alert (or, you know. maybe not)... none of them are good.

(Long meta ahead)

In my opinion, there are four likely motivations for this: confinement, coercion, torment, and potentially destruction.

Out of all of these, confinement is probably the most likely motivation, at least for most sects (Jins and Jiangs excluded, though it was likely what the Jin sect said their motivations were – but I'll get to them later). This one is the most simple – we know spirit-trapping pouches exist, and we know the sects also placed 120 stone beasts on the Burial Mounds to prevent Wei Wuxian's soul from escaping. Therefore, this seems to be the most likely motivation – and fortunately for Wei Wuxian, probably also the best case scenario, though it still certainly isn't a good one.

For the second, coercion – this is where the Jin sect come in (more specifically Jin Guangshan with the help of Jin Guangyao). Due to their wealth and resources, they're likely the sect who played the largest role in the soul-summoning rituals. We know what they're willing to do to try to gain power – keeping Wen Ning under the pretence he was burned to death and trying to control him with the nails, and working with and helping Xue Yang torture people to help him refine his demonic cultivation, in order to have the Yin hufu fixed. Along with working with many other cultivators, alongside Xue Yang – Jin Guangshan really, really wanted that seal.

And so, Jin GuangShan sought after all those who imitated Wei WuXian in cultivating the ghostly path and gathered them under his rule. He spent a great amount of money and resources and these people, ordering them to study and analyze the structure of the Tiger Seal in secrecy so that they could replicate and restore it. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR

(Note that working with these cultivators very likely happened after Wei Wuxian's soul had failed to be summoned, since this happens some time after Wei Wuxian's death, whereas the soul-summoning ceromonies presumably started happening very close to it.)

In the previous paragraph, he's also quoted as having 'lusted after' the Yin hufu, which we already knew but it's nice to have a direct quote as evidence.

Now, would Wei WuXian willingly work with the Jin sect in doing this? No. We know that, and, given Wei Wuxian's actions in his first life (refusing to hand over the Tally, not being afraid to stand up to the sects, etc), I’m pretty sure Jin Guangshan knows that, too:

He beat around the bush a couple of times, using all his skills, yet Wei WuXian didn’t give in no matter what, and it made him run into a bunch of obstacles. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR

So this could actually make things go two ways. One, I'm wrong and that wasn't actually part of the Jin sect's motivations, since they know they wouldn't be able to control him (and in that case, had they managed to summon him, I could imagine them putting him in a spirit-trapping pouch and doing something similar to what Jin Guangyao did to Nie Mingjue's head. Which, also, not good). Two, it was a part of their motivations, and they hoped to find a way around that. After all, there are other guidao users out there now, and Wei Wuxian would now be a gui*. Also, cultivators can obviously harm ghosts – see the very existence of Night Hunts, and I'd include Xue Yang's talisman-caused destruction of A-Qing as well (while he isn't a traditional cultivator, talismans can be used by everyone).

Now, would either of these methods actually work? I'm inclined to think not really (and I expand on the former method in a note below). Would that stop Jin Guangshan/Jin Guangyao/the cultivators they employ from trying? Especially considering Jin Guangshan's lust for power?

I'm inclined to think no, too.

For the third, look no further than Jiang Cheng's reputation of capturing and torturing demonic cultivators after Wei Wuxian's death, due to thinking they could be him. And this does happen – Jin Ling knows and talks about it, and there's not real motivation for him to negatively lie about someone he loves. Also, when they come across each other at Dafan Mountain, we're told this in Jiang Cheng's inner voice:

A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. - MDZS Chapter 10, EXR translation

This mainly shows that he's tortured people before, rather than that he's tortured people because he thinks they're Wei Wuxian, but this reason is confirmed by Jin Ling in Chapter 24. Of course, the reason is also mentioned in this chapter, and there are other moments in the chapter that illustrate my point better**, but they come from second-hand sources which I know are easier to deny. Do take note of Jiang Cheng's expression both times he comes across 'Mo Xuanyu' (after he suspects he's Wei Wuxian) in Book One***, though:

After a moment, the corners of Jiang Cheng’s lips pulled into a twisted smile. His left hand started to unconsciously stroke the ring [Zidian] again. He spoke softly, “… Well, well. So you’re back?” - Chapter 10, EXR Although his face had always been clouded, marked with arrogance and satire, it seemed as if every corner of it had come alive. It was difficult to determine whether it was vengeful wrath, fathomless hatred, or raving ecstasy. - Chapter 23, EXR

This does seem to line up with what people say his attitude to Wei Wuxian is – there doesn't seem to be any happiness at seeing him again at all. The only time a word that could suggest that ('ecstasy') is used, it's accompanied by 'raving', and considering the context and the other possibilities of his expression, it's... probably not due to happiness at being reunited.

So, considering 1) this, 2) his contribution to the Siege specifically intended to kill Wei Wuxian, and 3) that at the time of frequent soul-summoning Jiang Yanli's death would be even closer for him, I feel pretty confident in saying that yes, this is likely a motivation for the Jiang sect in trying to re-summon Wei Wuxian's soul after his death. And, as mentioned earlier, cultivators can harm ghosts (and we know Zidian is able to remove souls posessing a body from that body, and that Jiang Cheng used Zidian on 'Mo Xuanyu' in Chapter 10. If it wasn't able to restrain/harm ghosts, or other methods weren't able to, why would he risk Wei Wuxian's soul escaping?).

And finally, option four: destruction. We're heading into much more speculative territory here, so don't consider this on par with the first three. But consider this:

We know there are some spells, like Xue Yang's talisman used on A-Qing and the body-offering ritual, that can ruin the returning soul’s reincarnation cycle by destroying it. Therefore, soul destruction is possible.

The 'main'/supposed reason for summoning Wei Wuxian's soul back is to stop the "cultivation world, or even all of mortal land" from being "faced with the most insane damnation and revenge, sinking into nothing but chaos and despair" when Wei Wuxian inevitably returns. While, as mentioned above, I severely doubt this is the motivation for certain sects – and to me is likely a rumour which the Jins (again, especially Jin Guangsha) fanned the flames of to justify summoning Wei Wuxian back for their own purposes**** – there are other sects which would take it more seriously.

Although likely disrespectful, people already thought it served Wei Wuxian right to die without his body intact by the time of the second siege – something believed to negatively affect your reincarnation in your next life*****. This is only the logical next step, and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would believe that, again, it would serve Wei Wuxian right, or would at least lead to less harm of the world in the long run.

For these reasons, I could definitely see this as an option for some sects, especially the sects who consider themselves more 'righteous' (cough cough the Nies under Nie Mingjue cough cough). After all, evil is evil and good is good, and the evil deserve what's coming to them. And what better way to prevent that than from preventing his soul from returning at all? So for the Nie sect – and likely some of the smaller sects involved in the Siege, since among them, additudes probably vary – yes, I do think it could be a motivation.

I’m not as sure about the Lans being willing to go this far, and that’s largely for two reasons. One, Lan Wangji’s presence and his relationship to Lan Xichen, who does (not always, but he does) let this affect how he treats Wei Wuxian. An example of this is that, when Wei Wuxian's return is made public, Lan Xichen does let him hide and shelter at the Cloud Recesses instead of trying to pursue him, likely majorly due to Lan Wangji. I'd argue that the aftermath of the Nightless City also acts as an example of this, although it definitely isn't perfect. But though he, Lan Qiren and the 33 elders do come to find Lan Wangji and do not let him continue to shelter Wei Wuxian (after they see Lan Wangji's feelings), Lan Xichen doesn't use this opportunity to kill/capture Wei Wuxian, despite Lan Wangji being in a worse condition due to having fought 33 elders, Wei Wuxian being catatonic, and Lan Qiren likely supporting this outcome (especially considering he was the one who led the Lan sect in the Siege – chapter 68, Wei Wuxian's POV). And he did let Lan Wangji take Wei Wuxian back to the Burial Mounds after:

After he went out of his way to send you back to Burial Mound and returned in such low spirits to receive his punishment, how long he kneeled before the Wall of Rules! - Chapter 99, EXR

Again, this was right after the Nightless City massacre – there isn't any goodwill towards Wei Wuxian at this point in time.

Of course, the Lan sect did participate in the siege after Lan Xichen knew of Lan Wangji's feelings towards Wei Wuxian, which Lan Xichen was no doubt a part of (although Lan Qiren lead the Lan sect in the siege, Lan XIchen had to have at least known/given his support, if not participated.) And it should be considered that Lan Xichen letting Wei Wuxian shelter at the Cloud Recesses was after Wei Wuxian had been back for a while, and had not caused the downfall of the Cultivation World, like many suspected he would after his death. And of course, as stated previously, his handling of the aftermath of Nightless City wasn't perfect either (though please note that his main motive here was to protect Lan Wangji from being potentially executed, rather than anything about Wei Wuxian himself). So caring about Lan Wangji doesn't mean he won't harm Wei Wuxian. But I do think he could find bringing Wei Wuxian's soul back to completely destroy it a bit excessive. There is, though, the chance that the elders of the Lan Sect would react to this differently, and of course they would have a sway on both Lan Xichen and the Lan sect as well.

The second reason is smaller, but there seems to be more focus in the Lan sect than in others when it comes to letting ghosts rest peacefully/helping them move on. And that could definitely lead to more resistance to the idea of summoning a soul back to destroy it as well, which could especially impact the elders. So I'd assume that the Lan sect would be the most likely sect to summon Wei Wuxian's soul back just for confinement, or just for some way of making sure any resentment is disippated, his spirit moves on, and he can't cause more harm to the world (eg via Inquiry)******. Not that he would or does as a ghost or as a reborn person, but that's unfortunately not relevant to this.

But yes, as a motivation for the Nie Mingjue-led Nie sect? Absolutely.

So, these are the main motives I suspect to be behind the attempted summoning of Wei Wuxian's soul after his death (and if I've missed any, please let me know – I'd love to have a discussion). And, of course, none of them lead to anywhere good. Because of course it wasn’t enough to besiege Wei Wuxian, murder the 50 non-combatants he was responsible for (and throwing them into the blood pit as a mark of disrespect because why not?), and lead to his death via him getting torn apart. It wasn’t enough to steal all his inventions, and use them commonly while still slandering him with no reprieve – or to steal his notes and give them to people like Xue Yang to study (Villainous Friends, again) and to use for their own, extremely extremely harmful, purposes. Of course, the cultivation world has to try to harm Wei Wuxian after death as well ((:

We don't know whether Wei Wuxian rejecting the summoning ceremonies was conscious or unconscious, but if it was the former, these are very likely reasons he refused to return in this way. If it was unconscious – for example, maybe during the frequent soul-summons his soul was in a weakened state due to him dying from a backlash of resentful energy and getting torn apart, and it healed over time but not before the soul-summoning rituals stopped – well, I can only be thankful.

Finally, let me leave you on the thought that – although it may well have happened since we don't spend much time in the immediate aftermath of the Sunshot campaign – there isn't even any textual mention of this happening to Wen Ruohan. Who, while not being a guidao user, was still very dangerous, still an extremely powerful cultivator, and still had a lot of reason to feel resentment. So.

:')

Thank you for reading!

--

*Considering what we see of how Wei Wuxian's guidao functions – redirecting the ghosts'/corpses' resentment into doing something they'd want to do, eg attacking people, and directing it towards a target – I'm not sure using it to force a spirit to do something 1) extremely specific, and 2) explicitly against their will would actually work. Iirc the closest thing we get to this in text is Wei Wuxian using the corpses of Wens to attack other Wens in the Sunshot Campaign, but he's still just directing their resentment to a target of his choice, and fierce corpses do tend to be on the less concious side of things (hence why Wei Wuxian had to awaken Wen Ning's consciousness). Considering how Wen Ning attacks Wei Wuxian and the Burial Mound Wens before his consciousness had fully awoken, I... really don't think those fierce corpses were able to differentiate (or didn't care).

Meanwhile, ghosts seem to be a bit more in control of themselves – see A-Qing, and Wei Wuxian's own descriptions of his ghost self.

That, alongside ghost!Wei Wuxian being able to resist his soul-summoning and the fact that pretty much all of the new guidao users are a lot weaker than he was, does make me think that this this wouldn't work. I do wonder about Xue Yang, since his methods are pretty different as well, but he's more of a modao user than a guidao user (he controls living corpses rather than dead people) and I don't think you can insert physical nails into ghosts?? Though if he was specifically instructed to figure out some way to control ghost!Wei Wuxian (who's probably kept in a spirit-trapping pouch in this scenario), he might be able to do something at least. Though also he was also struggling to piece Xiao Xingchen's ghost soul back together, so he may struggle with those areas?

Well, whatever the potential outcome, I'm so so happy once again that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the soul-summonings...

**Mainly this:

Everyone in the cultivation world knew that the young leader of the Jiang Clan watched out for Wei WuXian in an almost crazed manner. He would rather catch the wrong person than let go of any possibility, and took anyone who seemed like they held the soul of Wei WuXian away to the YunmengJiang Sect, inflicting severe torture on his victim. If he wanted to take someone back, the opposition would surely lose half of their life. - Chapter 10, EXR

But I have heard people say 'you can't prove that it's just more rumours' before, and I wanted my evidence to be as watertight as possible.

(And, off-topic... isn't it really sad how Jiang Cheng, in the present day, is described as young? Because, for a clan leader, he is. And another thing he is, is close in age to Wei Wuxian – who was killed 13 whole years prior :') )

***And do note that the only other time they run into each other before Wei Wuxian's identity is revealed to the world apart from this is their brief interaction at Jinlintai, where he can't just act however he wants. The next time they run into each other after it, Jiang Cheng is literally taking part in another siege against him, and still extremely hostile ("surrounded by hostile energy, face insidious, staring straight at him" – from EXR chapter 60). Then he loses his spiritual powers and can't do anything. By the time he regains his powers, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and the Wen remnants' corpses have saved everyone during the Second Siege, and though public opinion hasn't properly shifted quite yet, it will soon after Sisi and Bicao tell the story of Jin Guangyao, and voila, a new scapegoat (do note that he doesn't completely bar Wei Wuxian from entering Lotus Pier after the Second Siege, though). Plus, throughout it all, Lan Wangji is still constantly present, which makes it hard for Jiang Cheng to really do anything. And then he's finally faced with the Golden Core reveal, which does alter his motivations towards Wei Wuxian (obviously the resentment is still there – read chapter 102 – but it's also mixed with other complex emotions, and he seems to start being able to move away from that a little in Chapter 103). I still definitely wouldn't describe Jiang Cheng's attitude towards him as positive, but it isn't at the point it was at the start of the novel (eg Chapter 10).

But even if his attitude does change, or would for whatever other reason apart from the reveal, that still doesn't change an initial motivation so isn't relevant to this meta. We know his intentions at the start.

****It's also possible they may have originated it, but I think WWX's reputation was bad enough for it to form naturally. Though you can trace a major part of that back to them, too.

*****That belief isn't outright stated in MDZS, but the fact people are specifically talking about the status of WWX's body in the aftermath of his death suggests that this belief does have some grounding in the MDZS universe, at least? And we know MXTX has included it in TGCF (though that doesn't mean it's definitely in MDZS), so she has used it in her works. If this isn't the case in the MDZS universe I am sorry (although that could also mean there's less importance placed on not disturbing the reincarnation cycle in the world of MDZS...? Which would work towards my original argument) – I don't want to spread misinformation that something is definitely true, I just think there's evidence to suggest it is true, which isn't the same thing.

******Again, I think this would depend on who ends up having more influence over who in the Lan sect. After all, normal resentful spirits only do what they do because of their resentment in death, whereas Wei Wuxian is 'dangerous' because of who everyone thinks he was in life – so him being reborn naturally could also 'cause a lot of harm to the world' during the time period this version of him would live in, unlike the resentful ghosts they appease. This could definitely lead to many advocating for confinement, I think.

[sleepyblr-heart]

this'll hurt you more than it'll hurt me

[carlottastudios]

Every day I get closer to making an unhinged behemoth of a post listing all of the things about Kaeya and his possible connections to mythology & stuff that I notice but NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BRING UP IN THEIR THEORIES

(edit: OMG I reached the tag limit I'm so sorry)

[ratatatastic]

"what are you thinking about?" that time in march when forsblad picked each other for the which teammate would you want to cohost a podcast w question

and ekky was too shy to look at the camera when he professed his love for forsy for the millionth time and that being the reason for his choice meanwhile forsy had absolutely no qualms staring into that thing and going we can talk about fishing :D

[gothiccsiren]

All these JJK fans saying they’re dropping the manga because their fave died

[kaylazer]

back on my bullshit (meeting men im in love with). Ben Schwartz is so kind and tall :-) I didn’t totally freeze like when I met the Jonas brothers but the selfies we took are blurry so 😔

(at least I have these bc I told sam to record the whole thing heheheh)