#talk to a person! do a good deed! yada yada yada

[butchnavi]

god i hate depression and chronic pain/fatigue

i should probably reduce my screen time

like i literally do not care about anything anymore

i can't remember the last time i finished a book without it being a big deal

i can't remember the last time i was able to watch even one episode of a show without constantly wanting to stop and literally dragging through it

i can't remember the last time i didn't literally force myself to get out of bed

i can't remember the last time i was able to finish writing a chapter of anything

i can't remember the last time i had a conversation with one of my best friends that didn't feel like a chore

ive started making fucking kms jokes

i can feel it pulling me down under again but im just so tired and i dont know how to stop it before it becomes too late and i forget how to think clearly anymore

[minerwarfare-suzuya]

Context

Cagney has stated and shown that Nicole chatted with Hanna who is running Mobox87's Tumblr to have her get back online so she can chat with them but due to the events of Mobox87's attempt of suicide and lack of human motivation, she was feeling weak to even get up and Hanna wanted no part in the drama while moderating the account which is why Nicole took the initiative to chat with Cagney in the dm's.

Like Cagney said, nothing really came out of it when chatting with Nicole. Both couldn't respect each others opinion and were quick to insult one another over.

Nicole's first response to Cagney after both did not know where to start off the conversation but said they were "cowardly" for not wanting to do a voice call. The response Cagney said back was that the reason why he doesn't want to call is for "identity reasons" while laughing off about it.

Make note that this has been explained before why Cagney doesn't want to reveal their voice on the rant video they made against Mobox87.

Despite the idea of Nicole wanting to voice chat with Cagney and being refused. Nicole criticizes Cagney over his choice and makes fun of the comment made by Cagney about "mental power".

During the ongoing conversation, Nicole continues on saying how cowardly Cagney is while he talks about how the events that were discussed on Mobox87's interview with Nicole were things that happened based on the photographic evidence (evidence can be seen on the Moboxcritique's archive.) which mobox labeled as lies. Regardless of Cagney saying his part in his conversation, Nicole went off saying if Cagney ever consider asking Mobox87 on why certain actions were made and why is that never disputed to rub it in as if Mobox87 was never consulted with.

Ahem! Forgetting Crying Blossom's second callout video.

Nicole still goes off at Cagney by saying their blog is a message to spread hate on Mobox87 to harass her and to have him open his eyes to see the changes Mobox87 has done. Cagney responded by making comparison with a murder and a pedophile with a conclusion that despite changes it'll forever remain a part of them and relapses will kick in.

Mobox87 only changed her outcome by acknowledging a warning to her content but never was truly sorry for what actions she's did especially to Crying Blossom who is the first that stood up to her bullshit and has continued on to slander Kevonica. Like for fuck sakes Mobox87 cries wolf when put on the spot and took it to the extreme this time.

Going on still, Cagney says that Mobox87 hasn't shown any improvements of being a good person to show that she's changed online. Nicole disregard what was said and mentioned "a long-term call" talking to Mobox87 in private after the interview. She said that "emotional dependency" was the cause of her "bad deeds". Cagney made a statement saying that these were excuses and that it didn't have anything to do with her drawings because it didn't add up since Mobox87 exposed her work to minors that were supposedly driven by "bad deeds". Cagney labels Mobox87 as a lier forward on.

Then yada yada... Both Cagney and Nicole go back and forth about being wiser til Nicole said that Mobox87's ex friends manipulated her to do bad things through some mental abuse.

The two of them argued in the chat over how it was manipulation or excuses to justify her actions. Cagney insisted Nicole to look into the archives of the Moboxcritique blog but Nicole said she's read it all already and stated that there's stuff missing or out of context to label Cagney as a liar. The argument couldn't be resolved by the two of them and it concluded on a bad note.

I would like to mention that the Moboxcritique blog does have stuff missing but not in terms of taking things out of context to lie about Mobox87 cause the evidence is there. What the blog and video Moboxcritique made along with other critic videos lack is stuff that I know personally or stuff that is overlooked or what others don't know about.

In all honesty, Nicole is a one sided argument and a dick rider of this drama. Like we hear Mobox87 out and had people talk with her before. Just to only be backstabbed or laughed at behind our back to show that Mobox87 is only bluffing to get herself free from a situation she created and can't confront.

[s-starlight]

This is for the people who watched the leaked version of episode 10 or already know what’s going to happen on Sunday:

I’ve seen a lot of people say that Aemond’s reaction was completely out of character, it ruined his potential, yada yada yada. But what I’m confused about is where exactly has Aemond been painted as an evil, ruthless bastard? The books - yes, we all know his reputation in the books BUT the books have been vague on many things. That’s why the show has taken its own creative take on the characters. So let’s dive into the SHOW’S Aemond and how his reaction to lucerys’ death was justified:

First off, if memory serves me right, it was Aegon, Jacaerys, and Lucerys who were taunting him about not having a dragon rider. And they did so in such a taunting manner, with a pig dressed as a dragon. Let’s put that to the side for a second and move on a little forward.

At Laena’s funeral, we see the kid at least ATTEMPTING to make amends with Jace by feeling bad for him. Obviously he doesn’t do much cause saying, “hey jace, sorry about your dad” would technically be acknowledging the fact that he’s a “bastard.”

After Laena’s funeral and his stealing of Vhagar, we obviously see him acting like a little shit. No excuse for that, but then maybe we shouldn’t also excuse Jace and Luke bullying him as well. To add onto all of that, his father (Viserys) totally ignores the fact that he lost an EYE and instead, INTERROGATES him and orders him to speak up about what happened in the cave.

Fast forward again, and we’re at a table with a supposed moment of peace and joy. NOT. Again, you’d think with time Lucerys would grow to say, “hey, maybe I was a dumbass kid and need to mature a bit as the future lord of driftmark,” but NOOOO. Let’s stir the pot with a decade old joke because why not?

In the last episode, Aemond is a grown ass man taunting a child. Not only that, but with the biggest dragon in the realm. So shit is bound to get out of control and I think this is exactly what suits Aemond’s character. The dude is a maniac who is obsessed with getting revenge on Lucerys, literally eye for an eye. So when Vhagar goes rogue and plows through Arrax and Lucerys, I definitely don’t think his reaction is out of character.

He has built up animosity and anger towards the people who have wronged him as would anyone who’s been stepped on. Sometimes trauma builds a person’s character for good, but sometimes it’s built for evil. As a child, he definitely didn’t show the characteristics of being evil from birth. Over time, and with the built up narrative that his mother and grandfather have enforced, his entire view is obviously tainted. His entire intention through the last few minutes of the episode is not to kill Lucerys, but to MAIM him. Toy with him in some way. So when Vhagar does the deed, his shock is expected. Not because he cares about the kid (hell no), but because he just did the most stupid thing he could’ve done - starting an irreversible war. In the last episode, we see that he is not above duty and does what he needs to for his family because those are the values that he was brought up with. And by playing around with a child, and losing control of his dragon, he just forfeited his duty AND threw his family into war.

Why I’ve enjoyed this show much more than game of thrones is for the reason that I haven’t been able to stick by one character or even one team. Yes, it seems like I am on team black (Rhaenyra as my profile pic), but at the end of the day, everyone on this show is such a nuanced character. They have their good, but they also have their bad. No one is meant to be a hero, and there are no good guys/gals to save the day. Look to the end of the dance of dragons in the book, and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So say what you will about Aemond, but at least acknowledge where he comes from. If y’all are willing to get on your knees for Daemon who’s a GROWN ASS ADULT doing irredeemable actions, then maybe extend that same energy to Aemond.

As GRRM said, “The most interesting characters are gray characters… all of these characters have good and evil in them and it’s all about the choices they make.”

[gwynpool]

it’s 2AM and i just finished Rule of Wolves (spoilers definitely up ahead)

first, to inform everyone, i read the spoilers when it got leaked in twitter cuz i can’t help myself. (it’s a sickness, i know) i think this is important since it definitely influenced my perspective upon reading the book. also, this is my first time being early in a party so yay me! going in ROW was easy for me because i started King of Scars the day before book 2’s actual release date so everything’s fresh.

secondly, this is really long so i’m sorry. i just have a lot of feelings and need to write it all down. on with the rant.

King of Scars was wonderful to me since it gave me my favorite Shadow and Bone character and the girl who i used to hate for being a mean girl but who I now admire with every ounce of my being. It also introduced a new ship that I am now obsessed with and is ruling besides my love for Jude&Cardan. Not to mention, it gave us Nina, whom though i’m not entirely a fan of due to all my love focusing on Kaz and Inej, allowed the connection between Shadow&Bone with SixofCrows.

Moving on, ROW was a ride and whirlwind of emotions. unfortunately, it wasn’t always the best kind.

I love the fantasy elements of it (tho it was a huge leap especially with the saints power thingy) and the politics because i am a sucker for scheming and stealing thrones.

the zoyalai teasing and angst was painful but in the best way since slowburn is what keeps me going.

nina finding comfort (and attraction, apparently) from hanne made my heart flutter because i haven’t gotten over matthias but this allowed a sort of closure and next chapter for our waffle-loving queen.

the promised wedding by leigh wasn’t what i expected but i’m not complaining since david&genya deserved nothing but happiness.

almost everything seems going well (aside from the fact that aleksander was ressurected apparently)and then everything crashes and burns and i just have to wonder why?

so the promised funeral alongside the wedding one, immediately comes after two? three? chapters as they were attacked during the afterparty of the wedding. and guess what? leigh killed the fcking groom.

the thing is i already knew he was going to die (with the spoilers and all) but i did not expect it to come immediately after the freaking wedding. not even halfway through the book!

being spoiled, i think, took most of the pain from the event but it doesn’t lessen the fact that it was completely unnecessary??? like though the characters grieved, nothing much was affected from his death? also, don’t talk to me about the character development for the survivors from this tragic event because there. was. absolutely. NONE.

and then we have the fricking darling ressurected. i love him in the first book of the grishaverse though i knew he was still a villain, don’t get me wrong. and my heart ached but was also relieved with his death in the third. he also inspired one of my all-time favorite fantasy villain(antihero?) in the form of Adelina Amouteru in the Young Elites series.

Ceased to be a Darklina fan and am now shipping Aleksander with Adelina because their power tho? like clings to like and they are both imbued with unfathomable darkness. somebody write fics please.

but bringing him back was what for exactly? leigh bardugo preached on how toxic the darkling character was and how we really shouldn’t like him in terms of agreeing with his ideals and yada yada. and yet she brings him back because apparently, he’s the only one paying her bills.

his conversation with alina tho had me expecting some darklina crumbs with fan service on the side since the stans were all raving about it on twitter *vomiting noises from toxicity* but i was surprised since it just further reminded us of how he truly is a villain in his very core and would do anything to get what he wants. so all in all it wasn’t entirely awful and it actually made me like Mal a bit. (never was a fan of him but that’s my issue, not the character’s)

setting aside the darkling issue a bit, the POV from Mayu was skippable. i mean obviously it still needs to be read for the Shu politics and the khergud existence but it just made me want to go to the next pov. Same goes for the “the monk’s” POV since you all know how i feel about him and the cult with it’s assembly and shit ended up also being unnecessary towards the end. honestly, i could do without the journey of the starless saint and his cult.

i truly enjoyed the fjerdan plot to my surprise and i like how nina kind of went through the last of us 2 circle of hate journey. it was definitely difficult knowing her pain and all that she went through and still choosing to be the better person. and yet, i can’t help but be more proud of her development. also, the supposed death of hanne got me going for a second and was actually ready to storm leigh’s home to fix her mistake. thank god it was plot twist. that’s all i have to say on the nina POV because i don’t wanna ruin my good feeling on this.

the crows cameo gave us a mini heist and it just made me miss reading their adventures. also the suli scene tugged at my heart.

imma skip zoya’s transformation but it utterly made me feel amazing and i have never been more glad that she’s kind of overpowered. she deserves it so fck all them haters. you can choke.

nikolai’s revelation and decision for the ravkan throne was not all that surprising, even without my knowledge of the spoilers. i honestly had a feeling that he was always his best self when he was strumhond and he only chose to fulfill the duties of the king because at that time, there was no other choice. so him giving up the throne to his beloved soldier, summoner and saint was a quite satisfying choice of route. there has been some others who would contest nikolai’s decision to step down as something unnecessary in the grand scheme of things but i would stand by my belief that nikolai made the best choice for ravka and for himself. not to say that i didn’t want to see both the queen and king side by side ruling but what are fanfictions for?

zoyalai is canon and endgame. finally. i can die now.

now the last two chapters was a toss up. for the first one was the darkling’s sacrifice. okay, so i was also spoiled by this from twitter but when i was reading the book, i keep expecting it to be brought up and it wasn’t. so i honestly thought that maybe that spoiler was a prank. lo and behold it was not and it wasn’t until the very last end. so the buildup was goddamn awful. the whole concept of the thorn wood and sort of atlas moment was just no. like you’re just springing this up now? when we’re supposed to be tying up loose ends but making sure it had history and buildup to well, back it up.

also leigh outright writing genya saying it was not a redemption for the darkling and him being unapologetic about his crimes (basically being a truly evil asshole) doesn’t remove the fact that it still comes off as a redemption arc especially with what is now the synopsis of SOC 3 but ill get to that. he still was the one who did a heroic deed and that fucks me up because it was just devastating to me after making peace with his end in ruin and rising. not because i was hurt that he died yet again boohoo but because it kind of invalidates everything that alina, genya, zoya and countless other victims went through.

on a side note, the darling stans on twitter who keeps defending his actions, i would really advise you to reflect on your decisions cuz it is honestly unhealthy. also, you lot talking smack about nikolai and zoya refusing to sacrifice their lives? stop twisting the story to suit your toxic admiration, nikolai was even first to offer up his life and would do so if it was actually possible. so just go hide in your darkling cocoon and stop hating on other characters to justify your favored aleksander.

the very last chapter aka coronation was good because it gave us inej ghafa cameo as captain of her ship and bonding with our resident privateer and also genya, alina and zoya bonding. but it was bad because apparently the darkling chronicles is still not over and now we’re supposed to grant him death like that’s going to make everything okay? i know forgiveness and breaking the circle of hate and revenge is a huge theme in this duology but honestly, this is just too extreme. with nina it was understandable and the people she hated were born of twisted mindset and circumstances but the darkling? hahahah no. he is a literal immortal who was delusional so now that he’s paying for his crimes, you want to allow him death because you have nightmares? zoya, goddamit no! same to you genya and alina. and so this will be the plot for the third six of crows? why can’t we just stop making this about him. now he gunna steal kaz’s thunder? over my dead body.

in the end, i gave this book 4 stars in goodreads because if i ignore the darkling plot, it was a really good use of politics and fantasy merging in a storyline. i can’t fault leigh for choosing to do this since it’s still her book so i definitely don’t have a right to dictate what i expected from this. also, i have a half a mind to believe that she fell in love with ben barnes and had him in mind writing this so i really cannot blame her because i have been under that man’s charms since prince caspian came out. the spoilers i read made me more open in reading this (backwards thinking but eh that’s how i roll) so i’m not at all crushed by what transpired. it was just weird and was lackluster in its attempt to give ravka some sort of peace. frankly, i just want to read the third six of crows book to maybe find some sort of calm in all this craziness and also delve in some zoyalai fanfiction because it was a long time coming.

shameless promotion but if you guys want to check out my nikolai duology spotify playlist, here’s the link:

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I Need to Talk About “Problematic Faves” within TWDG [1/?]

You know what I love about TWDG and its characters...? 

How flawed they all are.

I’m not talking that they’re flawed in the stupid “My biggest problem is that I love too gosh darn much!” or “My defining character flaw is that I’m super clumsy lolz!” I mean that practically every single character we’ve met across these games has done at least one terribly awful thing. 

That includes all of our favorite characters. 

It doesn’t matter who your favorite character is. They have done at least one terrible thing within these games, if not many. 

This can include theft, murder, assault, using racist slurs/being racist in general, different acts of violence using weapons, verbal abuse, lying, sacrificing others for themselves, property damage, assisting in suicide, abandonment, and many other things that potentially result in the harm of others or themselves. 

We don’t like to think that our favorite character could ever do any of these things, or if they did, they have an excuse for why they did it.

Take Clementine for example. We all love Clementine. We’ve all been with her since the beginning, we’ve all watched her grow, and we’ve all morphed her into the person she is by the time s4 ends. 

But when you look at Clementine, as well as some of her actions and behaviors across the series, through a completely unbiased lens, it’s not hard to throw a certain overused word at her. 

“Problematic”

Clementine has killed several people. Most of them were in defense, but there are certain kills that are hard to defend or justify. 

My favorite example to use is when she shot the asshole who traded her bad bullets then asked Javi to lie for her. It’s easy to say, “Well, she didn’t mean to do it! She thought the bullets wouldn’t fire! Besides, that guy WAS the asshole who sold her the bad batteries and attacked her!”

Okay, fine. But that doesn’t mean diddly squat. 

Clementine knows better than to point a gun at someone she doesn’t have any intention of shooting. That was one of the first lessons Lee taught her, and it’s even a lesson she taught Sarah in s2. Clementine pointed the gun at him and fired anyway, which is WHY he got up and ended up attacking Javi. Then, Clementine shot the gun again, but this time it actually fired and killed him. She knew she fucked up, but the deed was done and she murdered that man. 

Clementine is just one of many characters who we could throw that phrase “Problematic Fave” at. At the end of the day, I could argue that every single favorite character within TWDG would fall into this category at some level, whether it be low or high. 

Even characters who we baby like “Oh precious child who has never done anything wrong in their life!” have an argument that can be made against them. 

Well, okay, except Rosie.

Rosie is the one exception I’ll allow. Even though she’s not a person, she’s a dog, but I still consider her a character. 

But, Clementine’s different. She’s our protagonist, therefore, it’s much easier to explain her actions or make excuses for what she does. Hell, a good chunk of her actions are made by us, so if she does something “wrong,” then we’re to blame for making that choice as her, further developing her character with the use of that choice. 

What about the characters who aren’t our playable protagonists? 

What about the major and side characters who have made poor decisions? The characters that we’ve thrown this label of “Problematic Fave” at more than others? The characters we’d consider “villains,” or in the very least “antagonistic.” 

What about the characters under those labels that we end up loving, and even defending, despite the terrible things they’ve done or said? Despite groups of others in the community saying that it’s wrong to like these characters?

Today I want to talk about those characters who are higher on the “Problematic Fave” tier list, and get to the bottom of WHY we love them. 

It’s not wrong for us to like these characters. 

Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat.

It’s not wrong to enjoy or love an antagonist, or a morally complex/gray character. I argue that everyone has an antagonist that they love, whether it be within the twdg universe or otherwise. 

I’m not here to shame anyone for liking a character who happened to be labeled under this “Problematic Fave” term by others who like to throw it around to start fights. 

If anything, I’m letting know that it’s totally okay to love these characters as long as you’re being safe about it. As in, you’re not excusing these bad behaviors while acting like these unhealthy things are okay when they’re clearly not.

Now... maybe you’re wondering WHY this is something that I feel I NEED to talk about. What brought this up and whatnot. 

I need to talk about this because I have a problematic fave and it’s bothered me for a long time. 

Before I get started, we should all be on the same page of what defines a “Problematic Fave,” since it’s a phrase that I’ll use throughout this whole thing.

 If you go to Google and search this term, this is the definition it’ll bring up: 

Very vague. And when I asked you guys:

It’s an easy enough term to understand. We all get the general idea. 

The problem is, like I mentioned before, every single character within this TWDG universe is problematic at some point. They’ve all said hurtful things, they’ve done hurtful things.... it’s the apocalypse! 

But there are a handful of characters who end up getting this thrown at them WAY more than any other characters. Not just “villain” characters either, like the St. Johns or Lilly, but characters who seem to have more gray coloring to them, those who are more antagonistic, who make more poor decisions, who get others killed or hurt, who display unhealthy behaviors. Those who we can’t quite put our fingers on if they are “good” or “bad.”

I’m sure that at least one character has popped in your brain as you’ve read thus far.

Let’s talk about the popular ones:

Kenny 

In my opinion, Kenny is... well, he's problematic. Whether you love or hate him, you have to admit that a lot of his actions over the course of seasons 1 and 2, though mostly 2, are harmful. 

I’m one of those people who don’t love or hate him. I’m more on the dislike side when it comes to s2 Kenny, but I can see why someone would love or hate him overall. 

On one hand, he IS an interesting character to take the time to study. His character tells us a lot about what happens to a normal, nice family man thrown into the apocalypse who loses everyone he’s ever loved, including his only child, his wife, and what happens when that family man has to keep going with the world trying to beat him down. 

He has his kind moments. He clearly cares about Clementine and AJ, but his behavior and actions, if not kept under control, could lead to disaster. They DO lead to disaster, since no one can stand to be around him, leading to everyone abandoning him, and in turn, abandoning Clementine and AJ. 

All of the weight of what’s happened to him has left him angry and violent. He lashes out at Clementine after Sarita’s death, going as far as to BLAME Clementine for it regardless of her choices. He isolates her from the group, becomes possessive the moment they meet back up again, and picks fights when he shouldn’t, which result in harm to her and others. He beats the shit out of Arvo in front of everyone as if he’s right in physically harming this disabled kid because of the situation they all find themselves in. 

In the end, if you actually have Clementine shoot him, he tells her and the player that “you made the right choice,” as if he knows he’s been such an antagonistic character that it’s only right that he die. 

The end to every good story has the so-called “bad guy” die... right?

Kenny is an obvious example of a favorite character being problematic, if not THE most obvious. He has so many people who love him, and just as many who hate him. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard or witnessed arguments about Kenny and this phrase was thrown around with other words like “toxic” and “abusive” yada yada. 

It makes sense to me that someone would question why Kenny would be another’s favorite character just as it makes sense that someone would love him. 

It all depends on how you see him and if you’re mature enough to accept and understand his trauma, unhealthy behaviors, and overall character [the good and the bad] for what it is. He’s a broken man, but it doesn’t give him an excuse to lash out at those he’s supposed to love and protect. 

What really gets me is that Kenny is loved by so many people and they’re vocal about it, probably even more vocal than those who hate him. And I’m not shaming you. 

The kind, mature Kenny stans of our community aren’t afraid to express their love for this character. They know who he is, and they’re willing to discuss him with others who love him, as well as with those who don’t in a calm manner. This is something I highly respect and thought deserved acknowledgment.

I have a point to mentioning this, because with my problematic fave, I have never openly admitted to how much I like this character because I was always scared of the potential hate that could be thrown my way. I mean, whenever I search this character, there’s a lot of shade being thrown around. 

Then times changed, my blog grew bigger and I became more confident in sharing my opinions and views, as well as discussing several positive and negative aspects of TWDG with all of you. 

Now, this isn’t just applicable to Kenny, either.

Of the characters who fall higher on this “Problematic Fave” tier list we’ve somehow acquired, there are a lot of people who absolutely adore Minerva. 

Marlon-

Even Lilly has people who love her-

Hell, there are people who SWEAR by 400 Days’ Nate. 

^THIS crazy bastard! 

I was even shocked to see there are a handful of people who really like Arvo, too!

Before we continue, I do want to reiterate that I’m not coming for anyone who likes Kenny, Minerva, or any of the other characters mentioned above. I want to make that clear in case I say something pertaining to these characters that you take offense to. Well all know how easy it is to be offended on here. Besides, I’m not one to judge given that I have my own problem character that I love and y’all are gonna judge me anyway, so let’s just chill. 

This whole idea of why we love these characters is fascinating. 

If we ever met these people in real life, we wouldn’t be so quick to love them and we know it. But, because they’re fictional and put out there for us to analyze and talk about with one another, we find ourselves attached to them.

I simply want to understand why. 

Now that we have a list of the more popular characters who fall into this tier, I’ll be using them as examples throughout the rest of these posts. 

However... before we get into that, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t told you who MY problematic fave is and why. 

Well, allow me to enlighten you because, even though I’m using Kenny, Minerva, ect. as examples, this character will be my MAIN example. 

Time to come out and admit it. 

...

...

...

It’s David.

I really like David.

I even dare admit that I.... kind of love him?

Why, you ask....?

David is a character I’ve rarely talked about.

The only time he ever seems to come up is when we’re talking about Livid, and we all know how that one goes. 

Even when we talk about ANF as a whole, it’s usually a discussion about Emo Clementine or how Gabe should’ve had a better character arc or just how gosh darn gorgeous Javi is or how Conrad is actually the best character and totally should’ve been a romance option because Javrad is the true OTP of ANF.

But that’s a topic y’all aren’t ready for.

Anyway.

I know that there are those out there who, like me, like David for what he is and his character development throughout ANF. I’m not going to act like I’m the one person in the world who likes him because I can’t be. 

However, it seems like every time I get an ask that involves David [and isn’t Livid] is hateful or otherwise negative a good 95% of the time.

That, on top of being a predominantly s4 blog, is why I haven’t talked much about David or admitted that I like him as much as I do.

But now the cat’s out of the bag.

CJ has a hidden love for David Garcia.

It’s true. This jerk is my big problematic fave.

And I can already hear it now: 

“CJ, how can you actually like David after he treated everyone so poorly and took AJ away from Clem?”

Oh, I don’t know... how can anyone love Kenny after the way he treated everyone so poorly and was a real prick to Clementine after Sarita’s death? 

Why does anyone love Minerva after she got Tenn/Louis/Violet KILLED and Clementine bit? 

Why does anyone like Nate, who literally murders an old, wounded couple and is overall an insane son of a bitch?

That’s why we’re here, ya dingus.

To figure this out. 

In preparation for this, I actually went and did some digging on what people think of David. I thought, “Maybe I’ll find some character analysis’ or posts that share my thoughts.” 

After reading a bunch of threads about him on various websites, I concluded that 99% of them look the same:

[ Also, where are these people who support David against Clementine? Because I did not find them, random person on wikipedia. I must not be looking in the right places. All I found were Kenny defense posts on your David thread. Riddle me that, random person on wikipedia whose name I scribbled out but just realized I missed the “edited by” rendering the scribble pointless!]

This did nothing but increase my anxiety about making this whole post because I’d rather not have paragraphs like this sent to my inbox for the next twenty years. 

But, I’m doing it anyway. Obviously. 

I have a real love-hate relationship with David, in case you couldn’t tell.

I should hate David. I really should.

I mean, I don’t like Kenny, and I fucking loathe Lilly. They’re two characters that have a lot in common with David, so logically, you’d think that I’d group him in with them and hate his dumb face. 

But I don’t. 

Even though David is an asshole. 

He likes to do things that really piss me off, then turn around like “I can’t change because I’m a soldier” as if changing and not doing bad things is completely impossible for him!

David breaks a grieving woman’s arm after her husband dies, takes AJ away from Clementine after kicking her [a 13-year-old] out of their group by herself, gets more upset over how his glass got broken than over his wife’s cut hand, constantly fights with and puts Javi down, barely mourns Mari’s death, and a number of other things.

I know change is hard, David, and you have a lot of trauma from being a soldier, but that’s not an excuse to do bad things! I firmly believe that with enough effort, love, and support, you can slowly get better! I really hate you, you infuriating man!

But I also love him.

....But I also really hate him.

Do you see my dilemma?

And y’know what? I got plenty to say about all the things he’s done. 

David is a fascinating character. 

Even now, going back up and rereading what I wrote, I have to urge to jump in and be like “Well, okay, I actually have a theory on why he did that...” as if I’m ready to defend him from myself. How does that work?! 

Well, okay, not necessary defend him in the way of justifying why he’d break that woman’s arm or anything, but instead show that he’s a gray character who is much more complex than people give him credit for. I have the urge to explain David’s character as a matter of character analysis and discussion, not pretend he didn’t do anything wrong or make excuses for his unhealthy and problematic behaviors.

Does that sound familiar?

David Garcia is to me what Kenny is to a lot of people.

I have a theory on why he married Kate in the first place when they clearly weren’t compatible as a couple! I have theories on why he was quick to boot Clementine out but look the other way when Lingard got high on their meds! Explanations of why having him and Gabe alive in the end is the better ending!

oh god everyone is going to hate me haha-

I have it all, and maybe one day I’ll sit down and write an entire in-depth character analysis of David if anyone is actually interested, but right now I just want to understand why I like to him in the first place because it makes no sense.

Since day one, it’s boggled my mind as to WHY I’ve always found myself leaning in favor of David. 

With every episode that came out after e2, David was the character who always piqued my interest and I found myself wanting to side with him just to see what would happen. Why did I still like him even though he kept doing things that I knew were wrong? Or that pissed me off?

Why was I furious when I reached my ending only to have David end up dead?

Why was I so pissed that this character, who drove me INSANE for most of the game, died?

Is it because I see a part of myself in him? Is it because of his character design, the performance of his voice acting, and his overall writing? Does it have anything to do with his backstory and relationship with Javi? Is it because I’m actually one of those people who see someone like this and think “hey I can fix you!” but don’t know it? What is it?

Why is David Garcia my “Problematic Fave” of TWDG?

Continued in [2/?]

[dedicatedfollower467]

DIRK’S PESTERQUEST ROUTE REACTIONS AS THEY HAPPEN

spoilers etc. yada yada yada i’ve been waiting for this for fucking EVER.

this is fucking massive, for the record.

“The one and only” lmao suuuuuuure whatever you say dirk.

i fucking adore his metal scuba suit though holy SHIT

“[talking in meatspace] isn’t exactly my forte” akdfsljkadsfhksadf you bet your ASS it isn’t mr. strider. (at this point i’m assuming this is actually hal, wouldn’t be the first time that we met “dirk” and it turned out to be hal)

the power of his own “voice” is almost too much for him MY CHILD.

OH HELLO HAL. GOOD TO SEE YOU USING YOUR USUAL RED. LOVE THE THEME MUSIC CHANGE TOO. IT’S GOOD MUSIC.

i fucking KNEW it i fucking knew that was hal lmao

so in that case HI DIRK HELLO MY ASSHOLE BABY CHILD.

“The use of the speaker system is new, but it makes sense he’d up his game for interfering with relationships I’m busy forging in 3D. I guess I should go ahead and be proud of him for it.” god i really wish dirk and hal could get along but they both hate themselves and therefore each other way too much for that...

“Every line of muscle in his body is held in excruciating placidity. You’ve never seen a jaw so purposefully unclenched” dIRK!!!!

“you’ll prove it to him with your deeds. it seems like that might be his love language” BOY FUCKING HOWDY IS IT. also how did i never put that together before ofc dirk’s love language is acts of service practically everything he does is an attempt to serve his friends in some capacity and he’s SO BAD at telling them with words.

(his secondary love language is gifts, evidence: brobot and detective pony)

god i’m so excited and so nervous lmao

i love this sprite with the verrrrrry slight smile he looks so sweet.

hell yes the fucking ROCKET BOARD.

“this is a much more comfortable thing for him than the conversation was” I’LL FUCKING BET IT IS.

“with Dirk it’s almost like he’d be less penetrable without [his shades]” oh well now THAT’S an interesting thought/observation.

holy shit that’s a cute fucking smile holy shit holy shit look at that grin AHHHH I’M DYING MY BOY IS SMILING.

“Not sure how well my deep, personal beef with the imagery of the sea will land for you, but there it is.” WELL THAT CERTAINLY MAKES THAT ONE LINE FROM HOMESTUCK 2 A LOT MORE EMOTIONAL, WHICH IT ALREADY DEFINITELY FUCKING WAS.

“Ace Attorney monologue” OMFG HAS DIRK PLAYED AA??? WHO’S HIS FAVORITE CHARACTER? WHAT’S HIS FAVORITE GAME?? i mean he’s definitely got the hair to be a fucking ace attorney character especially in pesterquest lmao

OH MY FUCKING GOD IS HE HOLDING BACK A LAUGH. IS THAT WHAT THAT MOUTH IS. HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE THIS ALKJADSFLADHADS

“He’s leaning forward, laughing, dimples carved into his freckled cheeks. There’s a small twist in your heart about it, and you can’t place why.” A *SMALL* TWIST? A SMALL TWIST? TRY A TWIST THAT’S WRENCHING MY HEART WIDE FUCKING OPEN AND SPILLING ITS CONTENTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

“At least make me try and earn it first.” THAT’S THE MOST DIRK THING I’VE EVER HEARD AND ALSO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

“I can just fold [my hand] and hope your shit works out instead.” Ah yes, dirk’s incessant and almost pathological need to be in control at work again.

“I want to be the only one in charge of endangering my own life. You got me.” oh dirk. oh honey.

“How much has this boy wanted to be known?” oh okay yeah that’s fine i didn’t need my heart anyway pesterquest, you can have it.

oh. hi ultimate dirk. i fucking knew this was gonna fucking happen.

“i can’t believe i was ever this pathetic” LEAVE HIM ALONE. (but also i know you can’t because you fucking hate yourself and it’s fucking tragic)

OH. OH OKAY WE’RE NOT JUST GONNA BE FUCKING NARRATIVE WE’RE GONNA BRING THE ACTUAL FUCKING DUDE HERE.

AND WE’RE GONNA PLAY AN OMINOUS-ASS VERSION OF "BEATDOWN” HOLY SHIT. CHRIST CAN WE GET ANY MORE HEAVY HANDED HERE????

also holy shitting christ ultimate dirk is swole. ‘twink ass bitch’ my ass, he’s at least a twunk.

“You fuck off and let people live their arcs.” NO FUCKING WAY, NOT IF HIS IS GOING TO END UP AS YOU, DICKHEAD.

“Oh fuck.

You remember it.

You remember Homestuck.”

well, probably not all of it, it’s pretty goddamn long, and very hard to remember all the details. i should know, i’m currently re-reading it.

oh no.

oh no, this looks like regular dirk but ominous “beatdown” is playing which makes me very fucking nervous.

“You cared about him before you knew every tiny fucked up detail about his life, and now, with a reminder of where his story leads leaning smugly against the railing, you find you still do.” YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS I DO!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

“He’s intense and pushy and profoundly complicated, and right now he is helping you to your feet, his hand steady and firm on your back as you find your balance.” I’M CRYING.

“This isn’t as simple as an evil Dirk and a good one. If you’ve learned anything from your travels it’s that everyone has the capacity for hurt inside them, and everyone the capacity for love.” I’M STILL CRYING.

“The combo of all splinters of Dirk, fermenting in his flesh container and not holding onto his shit nearly as well as he likes to pretend” an apt and succinct description of ultimate dirk.

“No, I can see it. If anyone was going to pull off an “I’m you, but stronger,” it would be all of me, combined.” DIRK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

“Your allegiance is not to the story, but to the people within it.” A-FUCKING-MEN MSPAR!!!

“The ends always justifies the means, Dirk.” I feel like that’s the breaking point there. IDK what’s going to happen next but that line sure was a line about philosophy, aka one of Dirk’s biggest special interests.

“[Ultimate Dirk] doesn’t have to work overtime to create more pain just so he can feel like he’s in control of how much punishment he gets and how badly he deserves it!”

oh.

oh wow.

oh WOW that’s hitting it on the fucking nose, MSPAR.

“He’s going to drown in [longing and loathing and Ultimate Dirk] if you don’t do something” STOP COMING BACK TO THAT GODDAMN LINE PESTERQUEST YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME HERE.

“You know how he loves -- though it’s fierce (to a definite fault), he does not do it easily.” STOP MURDERING MY HEART WITH PERFECT SNAPSHOTS OF DIRK AS A PERSON EVERY TWO SECONDS MSPAR I CAN’T HANDLE IT.

AHHHHHHHH IT’S DAVE!!! IT’S FUCKING. CANDY DAVE. I JUST. I CANNOT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!

“you look like someone ironed the mayor so that’s a million more points in your favor” DAAAAAAVE!!!!

“Dave pulls him into a short, back-thumping bro hug which Dirk weathers like a wet cat not trusting a towel to dry him off.” AAAAAHHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING DYING I’M DYING I’M DYING HELP I’M DYING GOD HELP HOLY SHIT, FIRST OF ALL, THE SPRITE/ILLUSTRATION, SECOND OF ALL, THAT DESCRIPTION OF DIRK, THIRD OF ALL I’M FUCKING DYING

CANDY DAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

you deserve so much better than the raw hand the candy epilogue dealt you jfc.

“Bringing fucking guns to a knife fight here.” I mean, did you really expect MSPAR to play fair when the health and happiness of all their best friends is at stake, UD?

SAD ENDING IS SAD.

“Be good to that me, will you? Treat him right?”

dirk, this is yourself. you’ve never treated yourself right. ever. tbqh you probably never will. ultimate dirk is absolutely no different.

(but also this makes me wonder if we’re gonna see “Trust yourself” timeline Pesterquest Dirk showing up in Homestuck 2? That would be fucking wild I’d love to see that.)

“are we anti-ocean here”

“Oh yeah, extremely.”

YES, WE FUCKING ARE, AND AGAIN WITH THE REFERENCES TO HOMESTUCK 2 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

oh, of fucking course ultimate dirk’s a sore loser, he’s ultimate dirk, fucking duh.

“You did it. You got him a good end.” i fucking love that this game is literally just. explicitly saying exactly what i was freaking over and desperately wanted.

like i’m just gonna take a moment here to admit that i was really nervous that dirk would end up like candy timeline dirk and just off himself. i was really afraid that a good end just straight up wasn’t possible.

i love that it’s not. and i equally love that the game acknowledges that a FUCKTON of us really wanted to give him that.

“Maybe [Doc Scratch] and Ultimate Dirk were working together the whole time.” maybe doc scratch has been ultimate dirk this whole time. or vice versa.

“There are just so many details to remember” lmao i made that point like a dozen paragraphs up.

i.... do not recognize the text style of whoever just say “hey. we can talk about this.”

IT’S HUSSIE. HOLY SHIT. IT’S DEFINITELY 100% HUSSIE.

i....... don’t know who that is? the woman?

is this like. the person who’s been running pesterquest?

it totally is.

i don’t know who that is i don’t know enough about the homestuck machine to know who that actually is.

lmao ultimate dirk and the irl director are fighting over how incredibly self-indulgent this metanarrative is, which is fucking amazing. i kind of love this? i really kind of adore this.

i can’t help but notice that the director has blank white eyes.

i.e. the Author is already dead, yo.

“They’re just an artifact of the medium” HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS FANTASTIC. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN HERE.

“I’d say thanks but I feel like you all got more out of it than me” I’M DYING I LOVE THIS HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.

“Stop flirting with my audience you anime ass motherfucker” LMAOOOOOOOO

“I wouldn’t look like this if you didn’t want me to” I KNOW I’M JUST QUOTING BASICALLY THIS WHOLE THING BUT LISTEN I LOVE IT, I FUCKING LOVE IT, IT’S FUCKING PERFECT, GOD. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS SO GOOD.

“I actually let the artists have a lot of creative license” somebody’s horny for ultimate dirk.

eridan DESERVES that gender arc and i’m excited for him.

“Happy people don’t get stories told about them.” I’m sorry, I’ve read enough Domestic Fluff fanfic to tell you that’s just blatantly not true, Ultimate Dirk.

wait.

wait wait wait wait.

pesterquest is a RETCON???????????

THAT was not something i was expecting

you click “don’t” betray your friends and pesterquest just fucking closes like this is fucking undertale jesus fucking christ.

but....

i don’t wanna betray my friends.

but i wanna see what happens....

god dammit this is exactly like the murder run of undertale, i don’t wanna do it but i have to know.

“Andrew Hussie would never do this to me” yeah well, Andrew Hussie barely ever interacted with you soooooo...

and if i throw the beta in the sewer again pesterquest quits. again.

i mean, i knew it would but... *sigh*

that’s a fucking depressing ass ending.

... except that “Savior of the Waking World” still hasn’t been unlocked...

Huh.

I’m... gonna see what happens if I start John’s route over again.

oh duh, of course it’s a retcon, MSPAR touched the Homestuck juju. i forgot about that.

(a big part of me wants to look up the process of getting the true ending. but a bigger part of me wants to figure it out for myself.)

hmmm. okay so replaying john’s ending once didn’t do it.

i guess i coooooould try replaying the whole thing? that sounds. like a lot of effort.

or i could try not betraying my friends approximately five million times let’s see what happens if i do that.

i’m going to do that experimenting in another post cuz this is already huge. see ya in part two.

[queen-scribbles]

Trope mashups: 14/100 for Taviloth; 52/99 for Ederity

14. Taviloth- Bodyguard AU/100. Accidentally Saving the Day

My gut reaction was to say obviously, nmw, Tavi’s the bodyguard. But then I started thinking about it, and the other way around is great, too. Either way would involved the guard-ee’s family being affluent/powerful enough to afford/need a bodyguard in the first place(so status boost for each of them in turn), so with that established, we have two versions.

VERSION A: Bodyguard!Tavi 

In this option, Aloth’s family hires a relatively ethical mercenary to keep an eye on him/protect him while he’s off studying to be a wizard. (Should mention, this version, since his parents are better off, his father’s… slightly less nasty. Maybe still verbally and/or emotionally abusive, but not physically, so no Iselmyr) 

The two of them butt heads a little on the way to Hogwarts *cough* wizard school, due to differences in personality and outlook; Tavi’s loud, blunt, brash, outspoken, swears worse than a sailor, and is guarded but usually more optimistic than the opposite, while Aloth is diplomatic, quiet, non-confronttational to a literal fault, has sworn maybe three times in his entire life…. you get the picture, BUT there’s less friction than one might anticipate putting two people who are so different together. Pretty soon, annoyance turns to admiration; Aloth admires Tavi’s forthrightness while she has to admit he really has a way with words. They start getting along better, feelings start to develop, but neither will admit it bc they think there’s no way the feelings are reciprocated. One of them finally caves just before they reach their destination, both are surprised by the realization “Oh, really? You like me too?!” (Tavi maybe jokingly questions his tastes in women :P) and they agree it’s probably best not to broadcast this development. It might make her job harder.

So they act just the right level of detached in public and sneak romantic moments in private. One of said private moments winds up with them hiding in a closet, where they overhear a plot to assassinate a local noble so his kid can claim the title. Given that the plotters are highly trusted members of the noble’s cabinet or advisors(bc aren’t they always? :P), Tavi and Aloth then have to sneak around finding proof before they say anything or they’ll A) get laughed at and not taken seriously or B) be in very big trouble for leveling such an accusation against people who are trusted by one of the school’s biggest supporters. Oh, and all the while they’re still trying to keep their relationship under wraps. Fun times all around :D

VERSION B: Bodyguard!Aloth

In this option, Aloth’s backstory is relatively the same; abusive dad, Iselmyr, wizard school etc etc except school goes smoothly(ish) and he does become an arcane knight. The thayn he winds up serving is friends with Tavi’s parents(yes, she gets to keep her family in this AU), who are still merchants, but significantly more successful/better off this time around. They’re still based in Old Vailia, but they spend a lot of time in Aedyr bc they do a lot of business there.  Tavi is still, well, Tavi. She just has to fight harder for the pants vs dresses argument and gets in bigger trouble if her parents catch her swearing. (Yes, they’re aware she’s an adult. She’s “reflecting badly on the family” by not being ladylike) Her parents frequently lament her habits of staying out to all hours, “Slumming it”, and spending large chunks of time in either taverns or the woods.

One day they voice these troubles to their thayn friend, who suggests they simply hire a bodyguard to accompany her on her (mis)adventures and help keep her both safe and in line. They’ve thought about it, but they do have enemies, you know, and aren’t sure who they can trust. He promptly offers the use of an arcane knight who recently came into his service; talented wizard, glowing recommendations yada yada yada. Given their long friendship, they do trust him, so they accept.

Tavi and Aloth’s first meeting is something neither is looking forward to; he’s heard she’s wild, she’s heard he’s stuffy. It goes better than expected; mostly just “So, are you s’pposed to stop me from doin’ crazy shit?” “Only the worst of it, the rest of the time I’m simply to accompany you.” “*grin* Oh, then this is gonna be fun.” She precedes to drag him to every tavern she can think of in hopes of scaring him off.

Not only does this plan not succeed(she gets lots of eye-rolling and does give him a headache or two, but he sticks like glue), he drinks her under the table at one of the taverns and she has to admit she’s actually impressed. (Shit. She didn’t want to like him)

A week or two into this arrangement–which both tolerate but don’t love–Tavi’s parents have to rush back to Old Vailia to deal with some sort of crisis involving a supplier. As they’re leaving, they ask Tavi to ensure a specific set of shipping manifests make it into their vault, bc they may need them for evidence if this crisis goes even more sour. Given that she doesn’t much pay attention to the business(the twins are going to inherit that, so why should she care), she’s not sure which of the documents piled on her father’s desk are the right ones, so she just grabs everything that looks vaguely manifest-ish and locks it in the vault.

The next day, she and Aloth return from whatever she dragged him into to find the house ransacked and the servants all locked in the cellar. From various clues, they piece together that the ransackers were looking for the deeds to the business, which Tavi’s father had brought to Aedyr to ratify adding Malachi and Casius as partial owners. Why they wanted them isn’t clear, but it can’t be anything good. Tavi realizes the deeds must’ve been in with the papers she stowed in the vault, so she and Aloth go to look for them. 

Just as Aloth finds the deeds, they hear angry voices upstairs. The ransackers are back, and more serious this time about finding what they’re after. Tavi wants to fight them, both to protect her people and bc to teach them a lesson. Aloth manages to talk her out of it by pointing out they don’t know how many there are, they didn’t hurt the servants last time, and if they’re after the deeds, isn’t it better to get the deeds as far away as possible? She reluctantly agrees and they sneak out instead, then decide the best plan is to try and catch up with her parents, see if they know what’s going on. Of course, since her parents were in a hurry, their ship has already departed for Old Vailia, forcing Tavi and Aloth to book passage of their own.

The rest would involve a couple near-misses with pirates, finding out this is an attempt from an old rival to steal her parents’ business, kidnapped brothers(sorry Cas and Mal), and a really slow burn Taviloth romance that wouldn’t be admitted or acted on until like the last couple chapters and would drive both readers and author to OMG JUST KISS ALREADY YOU F**KIN IDIOTS levels of insanity.

52. Ederity- Marriage of Convenience/99. Magical Accidents

Still would involve Edér holding a position of some authority, Charity’s a friend of his, they get married because He Need a Wife™ and he’s tired of random women throwing themselves at him. Charity’s the one to suggest it, after helping him escape yet another mob of fangirls gold diggers swooning ladies. There are no feelings involved at first; just getting him “off the market”. They act couple-y in public, but in private are just friends. And then, right as they both feel the first flutterings of Actual Feeling™, one of them accidentally drinks a love potion. (Normally a plot device I don’t like, but an exception is being made here) As for which one, I’d probably flip a coin, bc either way would be MARVELOUS. Either way, they figure it out pretty quickly and tell the other one what happened. “So if I start acting lovey and affectionate, it’s ‘cause of that. Totally not that I’m really falling for you. Nope.” And then begins the struggle of either A) waiting it out or B) looking for an antidote while not doing/saying anything one of them will regret once this is over. While, naturally, the one who drank the potion is doubting themself and feeling muddled if their attraction is really real or just from the potion, and what about [X] from before I drank, but that could be nothing…. In the process, of course, someone says something that invites further discussion once the potion mess is over, they talk once both are in full possession of their senses, realize there’s mutual stirrings of affection, and set out on the tricky path of courting while they’re already married.

(These were both great, and now I want to write them, lil bit xD)

From this meme

[rubyvroom]

with his hindsight of having brought someone as consumed by evil deeds like Darth Vader back to the light. Does it really make sense that he would not think he could do the same for his nephew? This is the issue most people have. Its not that people can't change but given Luke's experiences, that scene makes no sense except that Rian couldn't think of any other reason to try and shift blame away from Kylo.

I think it makes sense, actually. Forget Rian Johnson for a minute and think about the time that has elapsed since the original trilogy. Bear in mind that I’m not in the fandom and have no desire to be, this is just my uninfluenced read. 

Anyway, take it back to just after ROTJ. Luke watched the Empire slaughter literally millions of people. He watched the Galaxy rebuild from this for decades. His sister’s home planet was destroyed and he probably dealt with her grief over that. His father’s shadow has lingered over the entire galaxy for years and years. A certain subset of people are lionizing his evil deeds and talking about bringing back the empire. They want to literally undo everything Luke and the Rebels originally did and make all of those deaths meaningless. 

When you get older, here’s a couple things that happen. You start thinking about the choices you made when you were young. You start really feeling the losses you have witnessed in your life and wondering if they could have been prevented. You think a lot less about individual heroics and more about how to plan for the future and protect as many people as possible (a big theme of TLJ overall). The purpose of the original rebellion was not to save Darth Vader, it was to overthrow the evil Empire. Yes, Luke made it a personal mission to save his father. He did save him, in the end. But what did that do for all the dead people? What did that do to prevent the empire from coming back? Apparently nothing, because it’s all happening again. Was one soul really worth the death of millions? Even your father’s? Even your own?

Now Luke���s been tasked as the sole custodian of the entire Jedi legacy and surely one of his main goals is to keep these young students from turning to the dark side of the force. And here’s his nephew worshipping Darth Vader. Asking all these questions about him and the empire and was-it-really-so-bad and yada yada. All the while growing immensely powerful and showing every evidence of actually wanting to bring back Vader’s genociding ways. He’s not just an average kid who reads about serial killers or whatever. He’s Darth Vader’s grandson with means, motive, and opportunity. 

We don’t get a lot of specific details about what Ben was doing that alarmed Luke so much, or how long Luke tried to work with him before things came to this point (it could have been years for all we know) but my read is that this is basically a Hitler As A Baby premise. Luke has the opportunity to potentially prevent many, many deaths by stopping an extremely powerful Sith from joining a bunch of Empire wanna-bes. If someone had killed Anakin before he became Darth Vader, how many lives might have been saved? And if Ben Solo went on to kill even one person, isn’t that a death Luke might have prevented, that he would blame himself for if he sat back and did nothing? Now think of the number of people we watched Kylo Ren kill in the movies alone, including his own father. Just hold that in your mind while you think this out.

Whether it’s the right or wrong decision to kill Ben Solo at that point, do I believe that Luke Skywalker would be tempted? Absolutely. To prevent more deaths, to prevent Ben going the way that Anakin did, to stop the Jedi ways from being used as a force for evil in the universe again, he was tempted. It makes sense to me that he would be tempted to do it after what he saw became of his father. You can even think of it as his own Dark Side temptation moment, depending on how you think of the Force and the whole Light/Dark thing.

But Luke passed the temptation. He didn’t do it. He was ashamed of the impulse and if Ben hadn’t woken up and seen him he would have gone on trying to teach the kid and turn him to the light.

(This is why Luke later wants to end the Jedi altogether - because people with access to that kind of power will be tempted to misuse it, the Jedi training doesn’t effectively train people not to misuse that power and if preventative murder is not an option (and it really shouldn’t be) then maybe the Jedi way is not the best way to use the Force.) ****

Now, did Ben Solo pass that same temptation moment? At the same turning point? Because he is totally justified in feeling betrayed there, and would even have been justified in killing Luke in self-defense. But he did a lot more than that. He slaughtered all the other innocent students, burned down the temple, and went on to join the Space Nazis. So fuck him. Luke didn’t force Ben Solo to become Kylo Ren. “Fuck it, I’m gonna be evil” is not not something he can blame on Luke. Every single thing he did from there on out is on him, and he proved to be an evil little shit.

This gets reinforced when we get another turning point for Kylo Ren in the throne room. He could have done a Vader there. The movie fakes us out that this is what he’s doing. He kills the emperor/Snoke and it looks like he’s doing it to save Luke/Rey. This is where the movie could have gone, oh, he just needed somebody to BELIEVE in him because he’s just MISUNDERSTOOD and that will turn him good! But the movie doesn’t do that. He doesn’t then embrace the light. He does the opposite. Vader didn’t try to convince Luke to turn Dark Side and take up the Emperor’s throne and keep going. And Kylo didn’t kill Snoke to save Rey. He wants the throne himself, and he can use Rey’s power to keep it. He tells Rey to rule the galaxy with him as fascist overlords and goes about trying to murder absolutely everyone, including Rey, for the rest of the movie. And Rey thoroughly rejects him, turns her back on him, and shuts the door on him. It’s done. He’s not redeemable, he doesn’t want to be redeemed, he blames his mistakes on everyone else and wants to go on endlessly revenging himself on innocent people because he’s sad or something. He’s a monster. A pathetic monster. He doesn’t get any more heroic shots or moments after that because it’s been proved he doesn’t deserve them. 

I guess where I part ways with your interpretation the most is that I don’t think this movie favors Kylo Ren at all. Rey in the Throne Room scene is doing exactly what Luke originally did - but this time it doesn’t work. And Old!Luke knew that would happen because of the hindsight of his years and because he saw Kylo fail at the Jedi temple. All of the lives and bloodshed he has caused are his own doing, and he needs to be stopped, not saved. If anything, the movie repudiates what Luke originally did, which is what people are *really* mad about, I think, even if they don’t exactly know it. The actual question that nobody’s asking yet is whether Darth Vader was worth saving in the original trilogy if it endangered the rebellion to do it. Much more interesting question imo.

But anyway - to your last point about shifting blame, Luke also gets the last word on this in the movie. Face to face with Kylo Ren, Luke explicitly apologizes for the mistake he made - the moment he was tempted to kill Ben Solo before he had actually done anything evil. That is always treated as a tragic mistake. But he also says, explicitly, that he is not trying to save Kylo Ren, and he rightly does not blame himself for the evil things Kylo has done. The movie ends on this beat, that every single evil choice Kylo made was his own doing, and he needs to be stopped, not saved. Then he doesn’t physically beat Kylo Ren in a lightsaber battle, he uses his Force powers in a way Kylo never imagined doing and could not detect to distract him long enough for the rebels to get away, and also, to humiliate Kylo Ren in front of the entire First Order. He proved he was an immensely more powerful Jedi with greater control over his emotions who doesn’t even have to kill or even physically face his enemy to defeat him. He says he knows Rey will carry on the Jedi legacy and she is stronger than Kylo Ren. The next generation of heroes – Finn, Poe, Rose, and Rey – will use the lessons of the previous generation to defeat the first Order. 

The next movie’s almost pointless after this except we get the pleasure of watching that play out. 

… I did not intend to write so much about The Last Jedi and I think I’ll stop there. I hope that at least explains how someone could plausibly read the opposite intentions out of that scene, when taking the movie as a whole. As an aside, I was also upset when that plot point was raised until I saw how it played out later in the movie, which made me feel differently. The movie doesn’t excuse Kylo or have Rey redeem him with her goodness or whatever like I was afraid it would, it does the opposite. And in the end I thought it humanized Luke a lot for me, although I certainly understand how making him more flawed would upset some fans of the character. But I don’t think it’s an impossible character progression at all.  

**** this little bit is another thing they did in the movie that I loved - Luke’s explanation of the Force implies that maybe it could be open for anyone to use, and the Jedi way of limiting its use to select special people is wrong. This interpretation is supported by the revelation that Rey isn’t descended from Jedis, as well as the little boy at the end of the movie. There isn’t a secret special bloodline that makes the superest force users, maybe this was all a Jedi construct to keep a monopoly on use of the Force as a Jedi thing. Maybe they’re the DeBeers cartel of this universe. This interpretation probably violates fandom lore of some kind and let me reemphasize that I do not care about that at all. 

[renlyisright]

Season 8 Episode 2 - Fear Is for the Winter

It’s the deep breath before the plunge. The battle for the living is about to begin, but before it there’s not much to do besides playing the waiting game.

Which is a boring game, Hungry Hungry Hippos is much better. But don’t worry, I have figured out a way to defeat the White Walkers. Just bring back the right people:

When the show started, the main focus was on the Southern politics and wars and so on, but all the time there was the clock ticking behind the Wall. At some point, none of this will matter anymore, as the Dead come and gods protect us if we are not ready.

Turns out we aren’t. And the Southern politics didn’t go anywhere. The Dead will likely get defeated in the next episode, otherwise there wasn’t a point in spending an episode first in the preparing for a great battle, and - very likely - the whole next episode on the actual battle. The Dead will stop here, but at what price?

And after the survivors walk or are carried out of Winterfell’s burnt ruins and see the fallen army of the Dead, they will still have Cersei and the Iron Throne and family trees to worry about. A lovely thought. Life goes on.

But in the beginning of the episode that is as far away as the end of the world. Jaime gets an audience with the Queen, and it goes well, considering the circumstances. Or the circumstances make it go better than it otherwise would. Bran gives out that he remembers what Jaime did to him, but doesn’t tell the others. That one would have tipped the scales, all the rest he could label as acts of war during wartime. And his good deeds have consequences too, which is nice. It’s almost like those video games where you can pick choices and at the end the game remembers them.

Redemption is an interesting thing. Usually in fantasy stories when the bad guy decides to become good they die immediately, so there’s no moral dilemma of whether they should still be punished or not. 

An example from old Star Wars novels is Kyp Durron, who was one of Luke’s pupils in the new Jedi Academy. He was influenced by an old evil Sith spirit (those are just lying around everywhere) and killed millions of people. In the end he became good again and received pretty much no penalty. That was a big cause of debate to fans back then, I’m too young to remember.

But by being a great Jedi, he must have saved millions and millions of more people later during his career, so isn’t that a much better outcome than if he was incarcerated for the rest of his life? What use would that have been? I don’t know, I don’t think that a case like that can be mapped out to the real world that well.

Bran follows this line of thought. Whatever happened, here they are now, and now Bran is the Three-Eyed Raven so who cares of what Bran thought back then.

He says he is no longer Bran, but something else entirely. I don’t think there was any mind swap, he is still the same person with mostly the same brain. But as he now sees everything in the past and the present he must feel like he is outside a normal person’s life. He can take an universal view of the world which doesn’t care about specific people, and so he must take that view for the sake of the world. At least that’s how he thinks.

Gendry doesn’t take Arya’s weapon order seriously until she shows that she knows what she is doing. Arya seems to have made the plans herself, and doesn’t seem to have discussed it with anyone. Considering that the Dead have a self-destruct button in the form of the Night King, and the defenders have a trained Faceless assassin among them, putting one and one together should work.

Or not, since he’s on a dragon currently. That, and the Dead not needing sleep,and not leaving any good faces, puts a wrench on any plan to just go to the army and assassinate the big boss. She can’t exactly hide among them.

Winterfell is becoming spiky as a metal concert. The problem with fighting the Dead is that there’s no manual. The Night Watch managed to escape the Fist of the First Men, but that one and the Hardhome were so chaotic that few lessons of the enemy could be learnt there. As I see it, the dead have the advantage that their “morale” is perfect and they will fight until completely destroyed. They also won’t be scared of any injury when doing stunts. But they don’t do any actual maneuvers, no shield walls, nothing like that. And when not directly ordered by a Walker to go to specific places, they have even less tactical thinking. So there should be ways to distract them or otherwise make them spend their forces to stupid things.

The problem is that the Walkers direct them to do just that anyway (walk over the cliff, the first thousand will soften the rest’s fall), because they feel like they have the numbers. And they are right in that.

Daenerys is angry at Tyrion for not figuring out that Cersei lied. Jorah goes to talk to her about it and asks her to forgive him. She does, but has there yet been a time when someone does something she thinks is bad and she just… doesn’t threaten them, or outright kill them, or send them away, or get talked out of it by someone else? I don’t remember. If the only thing stopping her from burning everyone is that people talk her out of it every other time… In a vote I’d be on Jon’s side.

I also like her gray-and-red dress, more than the ones she wore on previous seasons. And it's some color amidst all the black in Winterfell. Speaking of clothes, Lord Royce still wears his metal breastplate everywhere. Sounds cold up here.

And hey, is Robin Arryn here anymore? He has disappeared. Of course it would be silly to have a kid up here when he could be in the Eyrie, safer and actually ruling his lands. Maybe he turns up just in time to die.

Daenerys goes to speak with Sansa, trying to bond with her over being girl bosses. Sansa has seen enough queens to do just what Daenerys tries to do to be impressed, and asks what her plans are for the North. Do they get independence or not?

Why not? Sure, it’s half the continent, but currently you own a small island, Daenerys. A good ally is a much better deal than a resentful vassal. But she is Daenerys Stormborn yada yada, and the North is her by right. Shame she never met Stannis.

Theon is back, and Sansa is glad to take him and his small force to defend the castle. They aren’t the only ones arriving, refugees arrive all the time and are divided into those who can fight and those who can’t. Since the Dead arrive in the 24 hours, many and more must still be on their way, coming through the woods when the battle starts. Well, unless the Dead understand that they should simply siege and wait for the diseases and the lack of food to do their work for them, the battle will be short, however it’s going to end.

Davos and Gilly direct people to their destinations. There’s one young girl who has… has… oh. A scarred cheek, reminding both me and Davos of Princess Shireen. Ow. She goes to protect the crypt, and I hope it doesn’t get attacked (because she would wreck everybody who tries, obviously).

Considering that it has now been two episodes in the last season, and no one named has died yet, but almost everyone has gathered here ready for the big battle, the next episode - and ones coming afterwards - will be brutal. I’m not going to make any specific predictions, many side characters will die, some more main characters as well, you know, this is a big one. And since the show will end soon we wouldn’t see much of these people anymore anyway.

The survivors of the Wall arrive, and give the Deadline: the enemy will be here before dawn tomorrow. And I don’t see the battle lasting to sunrise. It’s an army of the Dead and the Night King, and it’s the climax, of course they’ll attack during the night. If they get defeated, that’s when the Sun will rise.

Final plans are made. They are going to meet the enemy on the field. Makes sense when you have Dothraki, But the Night King is the lynchpin. Bran declares that he will come to the field, as he wants to personally kill the Three-Eyed Raven.

This is a very tabletop RPG way of setting up a battle. The players can’t fight thousands of enemies with the usual combat rules. Even if the long battle won’t kill them it gets super monotone fast, so it’s better to set up something they can do and have that determine the battle’s result.

Tyrion is very interested in Bran’s story. Foreshadowing, or simply a character who very much wants to know stuff getting to meet someone who can rewind everywhere?

The goal of the White Walkers is given by Bran as “destroy humans”. That was clear before, but apparently there’s no other motive. They just kill. It’s just death. If they have a plan for after, humans don’t need to know. Maybe the Children made a mistake in the instructions and so they were added to the “kill all humans” command, or the Night King figured out that killing them eases the killing of humans, especially as they protected the Three-Eyed Raven. Anyway, programming is hard, I’d expect that programming living creatures is even harder.

Bran escaped from the cave to the Castle Black very easily if the Night King knew where he was all the time.

Missandei and Grey Worm discuss what their plans are when the wars are won and they can retire. One word: retirony. Take her picture and show it to the other Unsullied while you are at it, Grey Worm. I haven’t had an opinion, good or bad, about these two, they just are around. Of course I wish them good health and a happy relationship, but it feels like Sam and Gilly are using all the luck.

Oh, Ghost is here! But if someone is likely to join the long line of people and dying to protect Jon, it’s Ghost.

Sam worries about Jon not telling Daenerys. Dude, there’s something else on their plate right now, they can worry about that later if there’s going to be a later.

Comparing Sam the Kingmaker with Sam the self-proclaimed coward from the first episodes, there’s a very large difference. But since you can’t be brave without fear, Sam has become the bravest of all. I’m very proud of him.

Then there’s Edd, who is certain they are all going to die. Again. Well, that is one of the safest predictions there is, as long as you don’t specify a date. “And now there’s just us”. The Night’s Watch has dropped like flies already. And now the real winter is here.

But so is The Night Watch. It’s everyone here now. Everyone in Winterfell is now part of the shield that guards the realms of men. It’s not much fun, but some do this every day.

Since nobody is going to have any sleep, a group of people settles to sit beside the fire. There’s a wildling raider, a Southern smuggler, a Lannister squire, the Kingslayer, the Imp and a maiden from Tarth who likes to play with swords. All here and now, in the dark of a cloudy winter night, waiting. It’s a somber event, no matter how much Tormund tries to lift people’s spirits with his tales.

It’s equally somber outside, where the Hound and Beric divide a drink in the night that’s getting colder. Maybe I’m making a mistake watching this now in the height of summer instead of the winter, when the nights are 20 hours long here. I’d be in the proper mood then.

Arya decides to stop thinking of her “people I want to kill”-list (which has grown smaller since many of those fight on her side now) and instead starts “people I want to smash” -list, which currently has just Gendry in it. And she wastes no time with that list.

The discussion in the hearth room moves to Brienne, whom people are surprised to hear is not a ser. Jaime offers to knight her, as “Any knight can knight another.” I think you just made that up. I don’t think ser in the feudal hierarchy is just a title, being a knight is more than just letters before your name. But everyone allows that one, they are going to die anyway. And if they live, Daenerys will approve.

Jaime has his Valyrian sword, half of Ice, the half given to Joffrey and used mainly to cut books and cakes. Brienne has the other half, so Ice has returned to Winterfell just in time to be put in good use. Sam has brought the Tarly heirloom sword, Jon has Bearclaw, Arya Littlefinger’s dagger… that’s all of the mentioned ones, right? All in Winterfell. Nice.

Sam gives his father’s sword, Heartsbane, to Jorah, to honor his father. Legacy, again. Jorah declares that he is going to use it in Old Bear’s memory. He was the first leader who took the Dead seriously, and without whom Jon or Sam wouldn’t have done all they did to prepare.

A new song, Jenny of the Oldstones, with Pod as the singer. It’s not a merry song, it’s about dancing with ghosts. Well ghosts would perhaps be an improvement to those they’ll soon dance with.

Jon spends the last moments before the battle in the crypt, before it gets crowded with people. Now he gets to be dark and alone. Except not, Daenerys arrives, and manages to ask just one question before Jon already spills the beans. He just manages to reveal everything and hammer home that by the law he’s the rightful heir, but before they can discuss it any further the three blasts are blown. So the poorest possible timing.

And so the snarks and grumkins arrive to Winterfell. Is this the sort of story that you’d like?

[mysweetserendiipity]

In October, met this guy. H.

Yada yada, time goes by. December, we have sex, and I don't like to be mean in this regard, but it was hella awful! I try to give the benefit of the doubt that it was just that first time sex with someone is awkward.

Yada yada, time goes by again. I'm pretty sure he's disinterested in me, we don't talk, we haven't seen each other since December, and I move on to someone new (hahahaaaa he was a POS too)

I've been very on the fence about messaging H and just being like "Straight up, what happened." But I also didn't wanna look like I cared 😅 or let him know it bothered me. I'm better than that! You can't get to me!

So, I don't message him. I don't ask. I don't find out.

We have each other added on Snapchat, & he's made several snapstories like, "oh woah is me, women don't like me" & then recently about liking someone who doesn't like you back. Blah blah blah.

Well, Friday afternoon he messaged me & long story short, wanted to come over.

Now, I wasn't 100% on the why aspect. If he was just bored & wanted someone to hang out with, or if he was just trying to fuck. I figured the first since we planned to hang at 7pm. Blah blah blah, he didn't end up coming over until about 10:30. So at this point, yeah, now I'm thinking he's trying to fuck.

But, he's not a very bold & direct person. So, we just end up watching a few Netflix shows. In the living room because I don't have a tv in my room, and we're sitting in separate chairs. So, fairly distant. I try to be nice & make a little chit chat here & there (I don't feel like we're to the point where silent is comfortable. But that's also just a personal thing.) I'm also doing it to remind him that we haven't seen each other since the end of December, and have not been caught up with each other since then either 🙃 (I doubt he got that though)

Yada yada yada

We do do the deed. I mean, hell, why not. I'm not getting anywhere else right now 🤷

Now, I'm trying to be more optimistic. This time will surely be less awkward & much better than the first, yeah?

No. The major issue of what made it so bad & awkward in the first place was still there, and the little things that made it bad & awkward were just changed up. So...for different reasons but also same reasons, it was just not good.

He mentions that it's almost 5am, and I basically call him out on it being so late because someone (him) isn't very direct lol. He informs me that he thought about coming over and just "jumping" me, but felt that would be rude because he isn't here just for sex 😂😂😂😂

Buddy. Pal. Dude. Brahhhhh! Staph😂😂😂😂

I don't know how dumb he thinks I am, but I'm not. I know exactly what's up. I'm a fall back 🤷 (which is whatever. I am aware he's not trying to date me. He hasn't said it, & he won't, but I know). I'm aware based on his snaps that, he was (& probably still is) interested in someone else. (& Quite frankly, he's probably too embarrassed to try and fuck someone new based on the awkwardness. So he's probably trying to work through that so he can impress someone else later lol)

I wanted to call him out, so badly! But I didn't. I just let it slide. It was 5am. I just wanted to sleep.

As he was leaving in the morning, he said to remind him to bring his work uniform next time so he wouldn't have to leave so soon 😂😂😂

Buddy. Pal. My dude. First off, I would only want you to stay if that meant I was getting some. And that wasn't happening. Secondly, next time? Yeah, okay. Suuurree. Next time, riiiiight

I was pretty set on, he's probably not going to hit me up again, or conversate in between when he left and the next time he (doubtful) hits me up.

Well, once again, I was wrong 😂 I posted a snap that had that "I'm adorable" filter. I don't even look cute today! But he said "No argument there".

🙃 buddy. Pal. My dude. Man. I've posted hella better snaps and got no reply. But you reply to this one? & Like you're trying to flirt with me??

Idk. It's weird. I'm still doubtful there will be another moment of him trying to hit me up to have sex again though. & More than anything, I wish I was saying no because there's someone else, and not just because I'm like "yeah, this is freaking terrible & I'm not going through that a third time".

[bulletinedsolitude]

You’re just right at my skull. Great!

A Huge Trouble

A huge trouble, I reckon Walking with a doubt upon Looking from the cowls, the masks the rocks, the so deadly mocks

So kid, daring and dreamer Walk, reason than chin taller For the assertive you lend, and for the terrors, do bend

For as the time calls for you, you may not hustle for clues of where the compass points to Just gaze at your stars, and you

Shall highly know what to do.

More or less an hour before that piece existed, I had a painful blank page in front of me. That is a story of my trouble trying to start working on how to introduce myself “creatively.” It is a way of convincing and finding my momentum of writing genuinely, because that’s how I naturally like it—my pen must always spit out raw thoughts, like the ones running in my head in a state of solitude, otherwise the things that come out of my mind will sound foreign to myself, and someone told me non-genuine literature is trash.

Speaking of solitude, to officially start introducing myself, I will explain why I went with the name of my blog, “Bulletined Solitude.”

The Story behind Bulletined Solitude (that sounds like a so sad, so lonely feature story :()

First thought when I heard about making a blog, I wanted everything to be real, because it’s easier to write that way, and from there, the words would come out of me naturally. Writing is one of the things that I have resorted to when I felt something, because I’m not the kind of person who’s easy to get comfortable speaking about things that are very personal about me, so I would end up channeling all the emotions through my pen and paper. But for that to happen, my environment must have the sense of peace and loneliness.

So, I thought having a blog that features my honest insights, would be like bringing my solitude into publication, and bulletined solitude means something like that to me, so I chose it. And you thought it was deep.

So, yes, genuine yada yada, tell us about yourself then!!!

One thing that comes with writing, is reading. So that means I read, apparently. I started reading (literary-wise) when I was 13. I remember it was Bob Ong’s Kapitan Sino that I ever read first. And that basically influenced what I have read after that, and what I will be reading in the future probably. It is a fine chop of fantasy, dystopia, and heroic fiction. And we’re not snubbing the little touch of romance there, of course. Up to this date, my favorite books so far are Victoria Aveyard’s Red Queen Series, Veronica Roth’s Divergent Series, and The Eye of Minds by James Dashner.

While I think reading have shaped my mind better, I don’t take it seriously, so maybe it only does happen subconsciously. I jump into a book only with the aim to escape and be entertained, anything that comes with it is a subconscious blessing.

I really want to talk about my favorite book characters as well, because I’m an introvert learning only from book characters instead of going out and learning by myself. Kidding (jokes are half meant). But here they are:

Beatrice “Tris” Prior from Divergent. I love her basically because she’s brave and witty at the same time. I know the movies made her two-dimensional by portraying her as a stiff girl turned fighter and then she’s just that. But that’s expected for mainstream movie adaptations, always fails at shaping a character. In the book though, she was more than just that. Every choice she made meant so much more because her thoughts justified it, including the part where she sacrificed herself to stop the spread of serum that makes everybody lose their memories, which was sadly not featured in the adaptation. The movie series lost me there; I don’t deny that the first installment is still okay though.

Anika Dragomir from Anatomy of a Misfit. This girl gave me good laughs, but more than anything, I related to her because of her flaws—from her thoughts and her deeds. She’s a character who tried to be shallow by being one of the cliché high school perfectionists, but always knew she wasn’t. She made wrong choices and did regret, which makes the whole story much more close to heart. Also, #NoToGuns.

Logan McDonough from Anatomy of a Misfit. He is an adorable, loving, selfless person. He’s one of those few characters that you think were so easy and predictable, but at the end of the story, an act he did is revealed, so full of impact and so inspiring that it makes all your past impressions of him fade away immediately. His family is basically abused by his father who is a gun owner/enthusiast (he has a collection, if I remember correctly) and Logan’s the person who has been protecting his siblings from his father’s violence until that night when it all had to end with the loss of life.

Tiberias Calore “Cal” VII from Red Queen. He is not gonna be the last character I will list here from the same story so I’ll have to explain a little bit. Basically, their world is the Kingdom of Norta, a dystopian country divided by classes of two: Silver and Red bloods (except in the later installments, there will be Newbloods), with the former being the powerful ones for having supernatural abilities and the red bloods who are ordinary people. I listed him here for his bravery of breaking boundaries by connecting to a red blooded person, which is supposed to be forbidden as a silver blood, that may be easy-sounding, believe me, in his case, it takes a lot of guts. He is also just enough of confident and self-assured, which is deserved because he’s the first prince. And he embodies that strong and fearless but bending warrior. And he bears the ability of manipulating fire, so what’s not to like?

“I am your rightful king, Silver-born for centuries. The only reason you're still breathing is because I can't burn the oxygen from this room.” — Cal

Killed. It.

Mare Barrow from Red Queen. She made everybody’s jaw drop to the ground when she, a red blood girl, turned out to have the ability to create/control electricity. But her character is more important and she is here because of three things: she’s a fighter, she’s strong, and she’s a dreamer.

“I have lived that life already, in the mud, in the shadows, in a cell, in a silk dress. I will never submit again. I will never stop fighting.” — Mare

I am gagged.

Maven Calore from Red Queen. Spoilers first: her mother turned him an evil. But I will never forget how true he was at the beginning and how dreamy he was as a character. He was so good and so kind, I wanted to be his friend. And for him to be caged in his mother’s influence, I am weeping inside.

“The truth is what I make it. I could set this world on fire and call it rain.”

I have not lost hope for him. But…

(c) to owner

#MareCal since the beginning.

If it’s not enough evidence, I am obsessed with Red Queen; I need May 15th to happen because the fourth and final installment is released that day. War Storm, wait for me.

Moving on.

When it comes to television, I’m not denying my Super Inggo obsession back in the day. I craved so hard for a kwek-kwek every day. But recently, I’ve come to love English and Korean series/dramas also, most of them being anything fantasy or medical. Favorites are probably D-Day, Grey’s Anatomy, The Flash, Westworld and Stranger Things.

Power Rangers is on another level. It’s an interest I share with my brother (probably the only one). Now, I did not watch so much of it as a kid, I think I only watched two/three seasons, but lately I have been watching more because of him. And the 2017 movie deserves 5 stars, it was fantastic, it made me nostalgic.

I AM THE BLUE RANGER. Do not steal it.

I was a website layout enthusiast once; I don’t know how currently rusty I am at it because I’ve never tried it since Grade 10. My teacher made me attend this competition, Technolympics and I won it (surprisingly) when I was in Grade 8, but that was just a simple static HTML website, if I may be honest it’s the neat layout that made me win it, but it’s nothing special with the coding.

I was also a campus journalist; I jumped quite from different roles every time though: broadcasting team technician, to reporter, to paper layout artist, to news editor. It’s all over the place, so I really never got to develop one skill.

When it comes to my behavior, I am slightly that kid who stutters at first meeting, hard to open up, and just straight up awkward. I am very wary of what I say at first meeting, I kind of have trouble forming the perfect topic to throw out there to a person I just met. Even to people I’ve been with long enough, I always find a way to make up something funny just so we won’t go to the serious side. I also get crazy though, like laugh to the end of Earth kind of crazy.

And…I watch ASMR (a term for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) videos in YouTube. They are used to trigger a static/tingling sensation which you may feel from the top of your head down your spine. I do it to enhance my napping though. Try some:

Category is: Slam book Realness

I never had a slam book, neither did my classmates (because we’re all boring; okay maybe at least one did or it’s just me who didn’t have). But I’ll be trying to be cool once in my life so here is me trying to answer slam book template questions:

PERSONAL INFO Real Name: Judd Vander Rondares Birth Month: May Zodiac Sign: Gemini Gender: M Age: 17 Romantic Status: Single (since birth and not ever regretting hehe)

FAVORITES Color: Blue Song: I Don’t Know My Name by Grace Vanderwaal Singer: Grace Vanderwaal Movies: Love You to the Stars and Back and Big Hero 6 Actors/Actresses: Winona Ryder, Joshua Garcia, Katherine Langford, Eddie Redmayne, Models: Kris Grikaite, Kit Butler, Jordan Barrett, Jhona Burjack, Julian Schneyder, Mayowa Nicholas

OTHERS Motto: Outdo yourself. What is Love (this can’t be not done): God is love. :D

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING

Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in SPUP vital to where I’m leading to? I see myself a fully realized professional, independent, responsible, self-sustaining, and helpful citizen of the Philippines. hehe Back in Grade 10, there was a career planning program, and for the activities, I would always not know what to write for my future plans because there were not a lot of people who gave me inspiration of what insights I should have for my future aside from my parents, and one of the things that I liked about going in SPUP is that I was surrounded by people whose aspirations boosted what I already had in mind, but not very sure of. But aside from that, of course SPUP was a good school to go for SHS, and to be honest, any school would have been okay, because I’m going for a four-year college anyway and I didn’t need a school that would make me ready for literal work/job already, I just needed something to give me background for my future course, and SPUP did okay in that department, I believe.

Was STEM the best choice after all? Yes, because now that I know the path that I’m taking (will be further discussed in the next question), it is very apparent that STEM was the best choice for me.

What course will you take in college and why? My answer to this is like a continuation for my answer in the previous question. I recently just decided to take Medical Technology, and it was after a few talks with my mother, I didn’t know it was what I needed to make up my mind. I don’t mean that I was persuaded to take the course, I just didn’t have the confidence to take it, doubting that I may not be that passionate about it so I wanted some advice. I’ve long decided that I will not take a course that I’m not passionate about, I didn’t have to hear it from anybody—I just knew it. So, when I learned that she does think my plan is worth investing and especially knowing my cousin has graduated from it, made me motivated to truly pursue it.

What topic would you like to learn more in this subject? I already have taken Microsoft Office lessons and some HTML, so naturally, I would like something that I have never taken before. Since we already took Photoshop (I wouldn’t be mad for more though), maybe Illustrator, or anything for video editing. It would be also nice to revisit HTML since I’ve forgotten lots of tags already, or JavaScript.

Ask Me Anything.  Sir, masyado bang maikli tong introduction ko? Sorry po sa grammatical errors, ang dami kasi, mahirap mag-spot. Haha

Along your way, you’ll see the deepest secrets of my brain, never be terrified.