#tales from retail

[loud-swearing]

TMI story time under cut. Skip if you don't wanna hear about gay shit

Was out stocking some aisles with my coworkers. Long night, so we're all deliriously tired, talking about anything to fill the gap. The one man in our group looks at me and says "I don't understand how you're into old men. Like, I get its your thing, but it doesn't make sense to me". I'm crouched beside my other coworker, fixing something with the shelving, but I see her kind of side eye me, as if she were expecting some kind of defense or argument. Look over my shoulder, dead into his eyes, and I said "the shit is like velvet after the first few inches". I go back to fiddling with the shelves for a couple of minutes, in total silence, and when they finally understand, one of them busts out laughing amidst calling me gross. The other just shakes her head in breathless laughter.

[bunniesbearsandadventures]

Why are too many people weirder out by donating clothes?

Hi! I work in retail.

Our retail policy is 60 day returns

So why is that when people who try to return items past 60 days get on me and try to ask me for solutions like I'm the returns wizard?

So many times I've told customers "so sorry but this receipt is past our sixty day policy and unfortunately we can no longer accept this item"

And they turn around and ask me all annoyed "Well what am I supposed to do with this, I don't want it?

First of all, yeah I know you don't want it. You are in the RETURNS department. You clearly don't want it no need to state that.

Secondly IDK. Throw it away, burn it, eat it for all I care. You just can't return it

And to be fair I do honestly tell them, "Hey you can always donate the items."

But apparently thats the wrong answer as they stand shocked at even daring to suggest something like that.

Look I get it donating doesn't mean money back either but its not a death sentence to just donate stuff you already DON'T WANT ANYWAYS!

[samsilly12345]

One of my favorite things about retail was the "kill them with kindness" approach.

Thieves in the store? Oh my goodness let me help you, what's your shopping list? It looks like you're not sure where to find something how can I help you? Oh! You almost put that back in the wrong spot, let me just take that to where it goes. Why am I in the aisle with you again? Well I just wanna make sure that everything is alright!

Someone looking to bitch about anything in particular? Oh my ma'am let me ask for the most specific instructions possible and make sure that I do this correctly. Oh you're in a rush? Well I'm sorry then we can either do it the way you want or we can get you out of here fast, both will have the same results, what do ya say?

Someone complaining about something I have no control over? Just agree with them! Oh you think it's dumb that we have to do this this way? Gosh, me too! You hate how we have to start closing? Oh me too I'm a night person I wish we stayed open a little longer, I've really hit my stride around 9pm.

Just straight up agreeing with them throws them for SUCH a loop. I've gotten scolded by superiors for not "defending the company" or for "badmouthing us" but like.. the customer was doing it first, most of the time I DO agree with them and would like it to be changed, and it keeps everyone from being yelled at. The higher ups didn't have much to say after that.

On the flip side, if you can get away with it being sassy is also very very fun.

Someone will eventually gripe about you being happy with a "crappy job" or tell you to go to school, get a real job, etc etc. Cranky with me for being "happy" (trust me 90% it's fake buddy) and asking what I'm so glad about? Dark humor time. Well sir I'm happy that I was able to get out of bed today! I'm happy I'm able to make some money! Or just straight up tell them, if they're really nasty and probably not coming back, that I'm not happy. I'm not happy but I have to pretend to be because people prefer that. I'd like to be left alone and be paid for being sleep.

Tell me I have a crappy job and ask me why I'm here? Well sir they hired me, and without me you wouldn't be able to get your stuff this conveniently. Tell me to go to school or get a real job? I'll tell ya that if I could afford to do it without massive student loans, I would. Plus I don't even know what my preferred profession is!

[minebentobox]

When I was like 6-8 I was OBSESSED with the TV show Iron chef but like not the English version (never liked that one) it was PARTICULARLY the Japanese one with the English dub. For whatever reason my favorite chef was Masahiko Kobe who was iron chef Italian. The show said he was best Italian chef in the world and child me did not question this.

Anyway I remember my parents took me to an Italian chain restaurant in USA and I was utterly SHOCKED and appalled that our poor teenage server had no idea who Masahiko Kōbe was because like wasn’t he the BEST Italian chef in world?! How do you NOT know this?

Today I was preparing a menu at work for a catering event and the people wanted “Italian” - in this case Caesar salad and Parmesan chicken and terrimasu… but before settling on Terrimasu they wanted Zabaione (something we don’t offer and I was drawing a blank on what it was at the moment). Anyway they seemed aghast that I did not know what Zabaione was and that it was not on our menu.

Anyway my point is - I’m so sorry waiter from like 22 years ago for that creepy child asking you why you did not know some Japanese chef from a tv show. I’m not sure why my parents took me out of the house like that. I now daily am being asked to be an expert in everything food related and I’m cringing at my own behavior.

[shadowsnowdapple]

Being a person with anxiety and probably autism I have “internal scripts” for when I go around speaking to people.

I recently started working at an independent drink shop and I have ended up unwittingly creating a consistent script for interactions.

My script has put “have a good rest of your day” as the good bye message for someone leaving the shop, but there seems to be a bug in the code when there is a group leaving…

I end up saying “have a good rest of your days” and that sounds ominous and I only realize I say it after it comes out of my mouth.

I must sound like the boba shop reaper or something

[runeofnoweyr]

I was wondering when it started trending on here why the name "Nimona" was ringing so many bells

Turns out I've been stocking it at my job.

[queen0funova]

Retail is fun because sometimes you'll have to leave the register for 15 seconds to get water (no food or drink allowed at the register 😀), but doing this will piss off a customer so much that they curse and storm out of the store without purchasing anything

[chai-dye]

Highschoolers will see you being neurodivergent and go "is anyone gonna make fun of this"

[toki-macross]

Worked at a Walmart in Utah for 4ish years. In the Pet Department/ And to keep my sanity, and not kill annoying customers... I doodled. They gave us convenient slips of paper for making claims, that also was a great travel size for doodles. And my fellow co-workers appreciated the funny doodles. And sometimes including them in them since the scene had them in it too. The above two, are me showing photographic evidence that these moments actually happened. While the top is a side to show the scene. The photo was what I actually took and then made a comic out of. The second, was me wandering by a neighboring section, the toy aisles, and came across this. And well, had to take a photo. The stories I have... Some are wild XD Though I really need to get back to posting the rest of them, on a website for comics I put together. But it's woefully un-updated. Though, if interested, you can check it out here.

[flyingfishhugs]

While working at Wal-Mart yesterday, I suddenly heard a man loudly exclaiming several obscenities. I am not exaggerating when I say that he sounded so enraged and aggressive that I genuinely thought a fight was breaking out and that cops were gonna have to be called. However, when I looked in the direction of the yelling, it turned out that the guy was just...expressing frustration at the bags sticking! And as if that subversion wasn't already hilarious enough, I then saw him turn to a sweet looking old lady with him, who I believe was his mother, and sheepishly apologize for his language! 😆

[janedoeremi]

Tales from Retail

My coworker and I were talking about the fnaf movie and how we were excited about the actors and what we hoped might happen in the movie. But they then said couldn't remember what the lore was and wanted me to explain it.

Big mistake.

I tried my best but i then realized how many retcons and book related plot points that contradict the game lore there were and I only had like 5 minutes left on my lunch that I gave up and said:

"Look all you need to know is that William Afton aka purple fucker is an immortal furry and Scott Cawthon came up with an in canon scientific explanation for the supernatural, the lore is bullshit."

[spaceydelusions]

Sometimes working retail is so worth it

Like your regulars being kids that you can goof off with

I just watched one of the kids while her mom went to the bathroom and this kid was chewing on a candycane and told me to eat it

Her: eat!

Me: no that's been in your face hole >:0

Her: eat!! *she's chewing on it*

Me: how about I get my own and you run the bakery for a bit

Her: hmmmmmmnmmm.... Deal!

She wore my bakers hat until her mom got back

[jellybeanium124]

my first time on the cash register and my first customer was a cranky older man who was worried about his data getting stolen and kept insisting he's paying in gold. Seemed like a credit card to me. When I joked it's like before 1971 (when the US went from the gold standard to fiat standard) he thought for a moment and then went "yes. exactly" in an extremely serious voice.

[honeybeeshoney]

on top of making 1/100th of what i made the company, i would've made more if every customer i saw gave me the change out of their pocket.

[giovannigiorgio666]

Why am I supposed to feel guilty for closing my store when there was that cyclone blizzard thing last week?

[luckykittysshowerthoughts]

At my workplace, corporate literally watches you over the security cameras, takes pictures of anything you do that they don’t like and sends it to your boss to reprimand you.

“Things they don’t like” includes looking “too busy” when there are customers in your general vicinity, checking your phone when there’s literally no one in the store, and having “unapproved” disability accommodations that your boss gave you under-the-table.