#takes place before schoonover and rawlins

[heychangbin]

Ten Rounds, All Bullseyes

Wordcount: 1963

Warnings: None really.

A/N: so this was another writing exercise that kinda got away from me and thought was good enough to post. 

Billy picked up the rifle, the pressure of the butt against his shoulder and the feel of his index finger of his right hand resting against the trigger guard felt effortless, second nature, like breathing or coming home from a long day and plopping down on his couch. He lowers his head, the slight tension he had felt dissipating as the apple of his cheek presses against the cool metal of the safety mechanism housing. He grips the forestock, elevating the barrel as he lines the sight at the end with his target.

He feels his military training kick in as his eyes zero in on the center of his target, his mind blocking out everything around him, the sound of blaring sirens, kids laughter, grown up chatter, and the hot sun hitting the back of his head and neck; nothing else exists in this moment, nothing but the bright red center at the end of his barrel.

He takes a breath, then another for good measure and takes his finger off the trigger guard, the edge of the thin metal scraping against the callous that never seems to completely fade as he slips his finger between the guard and trigger, then pulls. 

His eyes darted to the next target and with practiced ease lockson and fires again. He could faintly make out a scream but the sound is too far away and there are more targets he needs to take out. With lighting speed he shifts and adjusts his stance, rising and lowering his aim before firing again. And again, and again. 

Billy aims and fires until there aren’t any remaining targets and it's only then that he allows his senses to come back, the space around his erupt in a cacophony of sound, screaming children, too loud music, blaring sirens and vendors calling out prizes or taunts. The air once again has the scent of deep fried foods, butter, too sweet lemonade, burnt bread, boiled hot dogs, spilled beer and he could make out the acrid smell of vomit in the air, making him wince as he feels everything wash over him.

“That was some nice shootin’ there son,” says the man behind the low wooden bar, walking over to the back of the stall, gripping and rising the top of his black pants through his light blue t-shirt  before reaching for one of the larger bears prizes he has hanging on the back corner of his game stall. “Hang aroun’ the shootin’ rage a lot?” he asks as he plops the bear down in front of him. 

“Not really, no.” Billy says with a small chuckle as he gently lowers the rifle but the smile on Billy’s face disappears when he picks up his prize, the back of the bear is slightly faded on one side, the tails of the red ribbon around its neck fraying, and the black bead that serves as its left eye looks like it’s hanging on by a single thread.

He lifts his head and the glare he shoots at the vendor has nothing to do with the reflection of the sun on the small laminate IDing him as Jeff hanging around his neck. 

“Pay for another round or take your prize and walk.” he says, crossing his arms as his eyes looking out at the crowd that's passing behind Billy

Is this guy really tryin’ ta …. Billy scans the prizes hanging around the small game stall, zeroing in on a pristine giant multi colored monstrosity that he would never give a second look at, let alone walk around a fair with for five minutes let alone the next two hours, but you, you might like it and that was enough for him.

“How much for that one?” he said, nodding in the direction of the giant prize.

The vendor looked in the direction that Billy’s eyes were trained on and chuckled, shaking his head before looking back at the passersby.

“That one there is ten rounds sonny, all pellets hittin’ the bullseye.”

Billy felt his nostrils flare,he knew the guy was trying to scam him, he had been to the fair with the Castles and won his fare share of prizes for Lisa, Frank Jr., Maria, and, on one memorable birthday weekend, for Frank to know the guy was pulling something. He tossed the bear on the low counter and reached for his wallet, taking out a few bills and slapping them on the counter, just out of the man's reach before picking up the rifle and positioning it loosely against the crook of his shoulder again.

Jeff looked at Billy for a moment before uncrossing his arms and walking over to where Billy was standing and picking up the money Billy had tossed on the low partition before fiddling with the chain that kept the rifle linked to the game stall.

“You gotta walk back the length of the chain.” he said before turning and walking to the side of the cut out wall that had the little targets.

Billy arched his right brow questioningly as they stared at each other for a beat before Jeff raised his hand and made a waving back motion.He grit his teeth and took a deep breath before taking a careful step back, then another and another. He was more than a couple feet away from where he was standing originally before the thin chain tensed and the guy nodded and flipped a hidden switch, starting the game back up. 

Lights flashed and an annoying western type tune began playing making Billy pick up the rifle and press it against the crook of his shoulder, his senses focusing and zeroing in when his eye aligned with the sight at the end of the barrel, 

As soon as the first target popped up, Billy took aim and shot it down, his eyes darting to the next bullseye, pulling the trigger and the target going down with a dainty clink, the next popping up almost instantly. Targets continued to pop up and Billy kept shooting, each going down with a clink that made Billy smile internally.

He was halfway through the third round when out of the corner of his eye he saw Jeff’s hand flip a switch making the targets pop out two at a time, he was expecting it and if he was being honest he had been expecting it sooner.

He quickly adjusted his speed, shooting the targets just as quickly as they were coming up, vaguely aware of the small crowd that was forming around him. 

When the last clink sounded Billy couldn't help the self satisfied smile that spread across his lips when he saw the look of defeat cross Jeff’s face and a few people clapping behind him and commenting on his shooting skills as he lowered the rifle and strutted back to the edge of the bar, placing it on the bar and nodding in the direction of the giant prize he was going to be walking around with until he meet back up with the Castle brood. 

Jeff scratched at his chin for a beat, staring at Billy the whole time but Billy just continued to smile and wait going as far as bouncing a few times on the balls of his feet.

“I can wait for my prize for as long as you want Jeff.”

It was then that Jeff moved and plucked the giant multi colored mess and handed it to Billy, it was heavier than he expected and the bright colored fur felt softer than it looked.He said a quick and polite thanks before wrestling the stuffed animal under his arm and started in the direction of the burger stall he knew he’d find the Castles and you.

He smiled at the thought of the look that would cross your face when you saw him walk up with this thing under his arm and hand it to you. 

He spotted you and the Castles a few minutes later, gathered around a ring toss game, throwing the small red rings half haphazardly at the different colored glass bottles, the majority of them bouncing off the lip, others missing their mark completely. 

He watched you from afar for a second more, wincing when one of your rings bounced off the single dark blue bottle at the very center of the table. 

He saw you take the last of your rings, aim and toss, the ring bouncing off the lip of a yellow bottle and land around the neck of a clear one. He chuckled at your excited squeal at having won, you and the kids jumping as you pointed to your ring, your hands shooting up to catch the large dark sunglasses resting atop your head  as they fell onto your face in your excitement.

He walked over just as you pointed at and claimed your prize, a small lion you handed to Lisa as soon as it was in your hands.

“Where’d you get that Bill?” asked Frank when he turned and saw Billy a few steps away, his face barely containing the teasing smirk that pulled at the corners of his lips as everyone turned in his direction, eyes going wide as they took in the stuffed animal he held.

“Won this bad boy doin’ what I do best Frankie.” 

“Talkin’?” sassed Maria from beside Frank, making everyone chuckle

“Oh, ha ha.” he deadpanned back at her.

“Alright, come on guys, lets go get some lunch.” said Frank, tossing his arm around Marias shoulders, bringing her close to his side, turning them around and heading towards the carousel at the center of the fair that was in front of their favorite burger stall; Lisa and Frank Jr. looking at each other and saying a quick “race ya!” before going around them and breaking out into a run, leaving you and Billy behind to catch up.

Billy smiled as he took the few steps needed to stand in front of you, taking the stuffed animal from under his arm and held it out for you, you reached out your hands and took it from him, letting out a little “oof” when you felt the complete weight of it in your arms.

“More of a big boy than a bad boy.” you said, raising it enough so that its face was in front of yours, “how many games did you have to win to win this?”

He smiled as you brought the stuffed animal closer, hugging it close to your chest with a muttered so soft as you rocked your body from side to side.

“Not nearly enough,” he whispered as he looked at the smile that threatened to split your face in half. He tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans as the reality of his words sank in, there wasn’t anything Billy wouldn’t do or no amount of money he wouldn't pay to see your eyes light up with happiness.

“Thank you Billy, I love it.” you said, turning your body just enough so that the stuffed animal was out of the way, rose on the balls of your feet and pressed your lips to his for a quick kiss that ended sooner than he would have liked. 

You lowered the heels of your feet to the ground, shifting the stuffed animal under your arm, freeing your right hand and holding it out to Billy.

“Come on Russo, we better catch up to Castle and the rest of them before Frankie eats all the fries they have. It’s the only thing the kid’s been talking about for the past hour.”

Billy smiled as he took your hand, his fingers slotting between yours as you walked in the direction of the burger stall.

Gen Taglist: @juguitos @something-tofightfor @suchatinyinfinity @the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @bts-smolarmy @elanor-of-imladris @pheedraws @obscurilicious @fific7

Billy Russo Taglist: @nananananananananananabatman @shinebrightlikeafanbase @emyyjemyy

[blackmissfrizzle]

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Summary: The reader unexpectedly falls in love with two best friends

Characters: Frank Castle x black!reader, Billy Russo x black!reader

Warnings: Violence, language, and smut

WC: 6.5k (yeah, its hella long)

A/N: This is my baby and its finally ready for release. There will be a pt. 2, which revolves around season 2. Be on the lookout for that!

A groan behind the dumpster alerted you. Instinctively, you drew your gun and rounded the corner. Your eyes had to be deceiving you, because right now you were standing in front of a supposed to be dead Punisher.

Tucking your gun back in, you bent down to check on him. “Hey, are you ok?”

“I’m bleeding out lady, do I look okay,” he grunted.

Instead of sassing him back like you usually would, you pulled him up and started walking him up to your condo.

“Hey, lady you don’t have to do this. I’m good.” He protested, trying to push off of you, but too weak to do so.

“Stop calling me lady. My name’s Y/N. And you can’t even walk on your own. Let me stitch you up and then you can leave and finish whatever crusade you’re fighting.”

Frank shut his mouth. He did an okay job at stitching himself up, but it was always better to let someone else do it. Especially, when it’s a beautiful woman such as yourself.

You finally got into your place without getting caught. After, you guided Frank to a seat, you grabbed the first aid kit out of your bathroom.

“What’s a fancy girl like you willing to bring a bleeding man in your place,” Frank questioned after taking in your condo. Women who lived in places like these typically stayed away from men who looked like him currently. They usually clutch their purse and have 911 on speed dial.

“You’re not the first bloody man I’ve brought up here and you certainly won’t be the last. And plus, I know who you are, Frank,” you took a break from cleaning his wound to look up at him to show him you had no ill-intentions. “Whatever you’re doing now has to still do with your family and I totally get it. I didn’t stop hunting down the men who killed my sister.” You explained before he could even ask you.

“So, you’re not just some trust fund baby?” Frank joked.

Tugging on the thread a little hard you smiled at his wince. “No, I’m definitely a trust fund baby. I’m just a trust fund baby that knows how to shoot.”

For the first time tonight, he smiled, and you almost poked yourself with the needle. Frank Castle was already a dangerous man, but Frank Castle smiling was a deadly man.

“You know you should smile more,” you said, finishing up the last stitch.

“I haven’t had a reason to in a long time until now.” Frank stared at you for a while, but then he remembered he had to leave, not wanting you to get caught for harboring him.

He grabbed his jacket and limped to the door. “Thanks, Y/N.” He started turning the knob but stopped and looked back at you. “Um, do you mind? Can I- um, shit why is this so hard?” He fumbled with his words and you had to stop laughing, because you could tell Frank wasn’t a man who got nervous easily. “Would it be okay, if I uh, if I come here next time I’m all busted up?”

Going up to him, you reached up to the doorframe and grabbed the spare key. “How about this? You take this key and use it whenever you’re hurt.” You forcefully placed the key in his hand and gently shoved him out the door, because you knew he would reject your offer. “See you later, Frank.”

--

Since, that first night with Frank you seen him numerous times thanks to his extracurricular activities. Quickly, you two became friends, which probably a hard thing for Frank to do. Conversation between you two were never boring.  In fact, most of the time you two spent it laughing. After all the tragedy in his life, you knew Frank needed a ray of light, some semblance of happiness and you were the one to offer it to him.

Sometimes during his visits, he would use you as a sounding board. Your dad ran a private security firm and you worked for him so, you would give him some insight on his missions. He trusted you so much, that he told you where his hideout was with David Liberman was so you could patch him up if he couldn’t make it to you.

During all your time with Frank, you found yourself falling for him. And who could blame you? He was the perfect mix between rough and gentle, serious and goofy, jackass and sweetheart. Your ex was the opposite. Sure, Billy was rough around the edges, but he had a smooth exterior. He could charm a homeless man into giving him his last dollar.  

That’s how Billy ended up in your home even though you had a bleeding Frank locked in your spare bedroom. He charmed himself in.

“So, what is it that you want Bill? I’m tired and I’ve got a long day ahead of me tomorrow.”

He knelt in front of you and grabbed your hands. “I miss you. I want us to get back together, baby.”

Knocking his hands away, you stood up from the couch. “Bullshit, Billy! Didn’t I just see you with that curly-haired DHS agent a couple of months ago?”

Billy smirked at your jealously. He knew you would never admit it, but he still affected you. Hell, you still affected him. “She reminded me of you a bit and I thought I could stay with a poor reminder of you, but I can’t. You’ve been in my mind every fucking day and I can’t get you out no matter how many other women I fucked.” He lifted his hand to stop you from interrupting him. “I know I messed up, but baby I was in a dark place then and I’m better now. I need you Y/N. I wanna marry you, give you babies, and grow old together. Please, give me one more chance,” he pleaded with a kiss to your hand.

A war was raging inside of you. If Billy would’ve done this a couple of weeks earlier, you probably would’ve taken him back in heartbeat and given him a hard time about it, but now that you were developing feelings for Frank it wasn’t so easy.

“Who is he?” Billy’s voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Who’s the man you’re seeing” Billy annoyingly clarified for you.

You were confused. Why would he think you were seeing anyone? “Not that its any of your business Russo, but I’m not dating anyone. You kind of fucked up dating for me.”

Billy used his height to tower over you to intimidate you as he backed you into the wall. “Fuck that. Remember I can you read you so fucking well. What other man has you hesitating to take me back?”

When you didn’t answer, he kissed you roughly and what a wonderful feeling it was. Billy looked like he would be a gentle lover, but in reality, he was rough, and you loved it. Abruptly, he ended the kiss. “Does he kiss you like that? Does he know how you like to be man-handled? Does he know that you like it doggy-style with your hair pulled?” In between each question he would kiss you with his hands roaming your body.

Someway, somehow you ended up on your couch with Billy on top of you, pulling off each other’s clothes. Both of you were very close to getting naked when Billy’s phone went off. Angrily, he answered the phone and by the sound of it, you wouldn’t be continuing your little rendezvous.

“Work emergency,” he explained while putting his clothes back on. “But this is far from over. I’m picking you up at 9 tomorrow morning for breakfast. No arguments. I love you.”

“Love you too,” you replied back, before he kissed your forehead and rushed out the door.

With one door closing another one opened and you finally remembered about Frank. When he came out, he had a look of despair on his face and you felt so fucking bad. How could you be so inconsiderate of him while he was in pain?

Pushing him to the chair you apologized. “I’m so sorry, Frank. I just get so caught up in Billy that I forget about everything. I should’ve never let him in. I’m sorry.”

Frank grabbed your hands just like Billy did earlier. “No, I’m sorry.”

Now you were definitely confused. Why in the hell is Frank apologizing to you? “Umm for what,” you dragged out.

“You know I used to nag Billy about finding a good woman and settling down, you know the whole quality over quantity thing, and now look at me. I’m falling in love with his girl. Some fucking friend I am.” Frank confessed, keeping his head down.

You couldn’t believe what you just heard. Frank knew Billy. It wasn’t far-fetched, both were in the marines and at the same time. Great, it was just your luck that you fell for two best friends.

“Did you guys meet in the service?” You whispered, not trusting your voice to crack.

Frank shook his head yes. “Yeah, saved my ass more times I can count. He was on that special ops team with me that Rawlins and Schoonover headed.”

Nudging his head, you got Frank to look at you. “Frank, I didn’t know,” remorse filling your voice.

Frank held your face in his hands. “No, no, no. Its not your fault, sweetheart. Just my luck to fall in love with my best friend’s girl, huh?”

“You love me,” you asked, tears pricking your eyes.

“Oh yeah, who wouldn’t? But I already had my chance at happiness, now its Billy’s turn. You won’t see me again. I’ll get Liberman to fix me up.” Frank claimed, walking towards your door.

You grabbed his hand to try to pull him back, but he snatched his hand away with ease despite being hurt. “Frank don’t do this,” you pleaded with him.

Nodding his head to himself, he looked down at the ground. “I got to. Billy needs you. He needs a strong woman in his life. If you can make an angry, bitter fuck like me happy, you definitely can do the same for Bill. I can’t be around you, because I’ll do my best to keep you for myself.”

The both of you let reality sink in. This would be the last time you’d see Frank Castle. Just before he crossed the doorway, he slammed the door shut, gripped your face and backed you against the door. “Shit, I’m gonna regret it if I don’t do this.” Suddenly, his lips were on yours and it was divine. His kiss was gentle, but no less dominant or passionate than Billy’s. He just expressed it in a different way.

Before you got to truly relish in the kiss, Frank released your lips and leaned his forehead against yours. “Take care of Bill for me, ok,” and with one last kiss to your forehead Frank was gone.

--

Billy stood by the gate staring daggers at a cuffed Frank. Only if Frank would’ve stayed in hiding, he wouldn’t have to deal with all this and could be spending time with you.

“Just ask it, Bill. I know you want to,” Frank told him.

He pushed off the gate and got right in front of Frank’s face. Both men staring each other down in hate. “You screw her, Frank?”

Frank leaned back to take a look at his former best friend, a man he once considered as his brother. He toyed with the idea to lie to him but disregarded it because, he didn’t want to disrespect you by lying on you.

Getting fed up with waiting, Billy asked again with more bass in his voice. “Did you sleep with Y/N, Frankie?”

“No, but I should’ve.”

Billy cocked back his hand and punched Frank.  No other man could have you, only him.

The punch didn’t affect Frank one bit. He just laughed it off and egged on Billy. “Man, you messed up, Bill. You lost her. Do you think she could ever forgive you after what you did? Was killing my wife and kids worth you losing the best damn thing in your miserable life!?” Frank ended up screaming in his face.

“My life wasn’t ruined until you decided to start your little revenge mission! I already had the ring picked out, the perfect wedding venue, and her father’s permission, but you ruined that Frank! You dragged the one pure thing in my life into your mess!”

Frank tried to jump up from his chair to get in Billy’s face. “No, you did that all on your own! After Madani found you out at the hotel, she brought Y/N in for questioning. Madani told me she railed into her. She thought Y/N had to know something, but she didn’t. Eventually, Madani believed Y/N and felt bad for her, so she told her the whole truth about you.”

“You’re lying and if you aren’t Y/N didn’t believe a word.” Billy sneered, pointing a gun at Frank.

“I’m not lying, Bill and you’re right…she didn’t believe Madani. Y/N/N didn’t believe it until she talked to me. I used to be able to find solace at Maria’s grave, but it wasn’t enough after I found out you betrayed me. So, I went to Y/N to talk and you wanna know what happened when she opened the door?”

Billy rolled his eyes at Frank’s dramatic storytelling. “What happened?”

“She broke down and cried.” Frank reminisced on your last encounter. The heartbreak on your face solidified his hatred for Billy. “All it took was one look at me and she knew everything Madani told her was true, and you wanna know what the kicker is? She apologized to me. To me! Like she was the one who pulled the trigger. She apologized for loving the man who destroyed my family. Hell, Billy she was so fucking disgusted with herself that she wouldn’t even let me touch her! Do you know what a fucking gift you had, Billy!? A woman like her only comes once in a lifetime.”

Billy had to hold himself together, no matter how much he wanted to break down. Whatever chance he thought he had with you was gone. There were a lot of things you could forgive, but his recent actions were unforgivable. “So, what now? You think you won now that you ruined my relationship with Y/N? What, are you two going to live happily ever after?”

“Hell no! Even though she hates what you did, she still loves you and that’s the beauty of Y/N. So, I can’t be with her when I kill the love of her life. I would be a constant reminder of that.”

Bending down, leaning on his knees Billy said to Frank, “That’s not gonna happen. You’ll be dead and then I’ll have time to fix things with Y/N.”

The former friends couldn’t resume their argument, because Rawlins finally showed up. This conversation would have to pick up at another time.

—

Miraculously, Lieberman was able to get in contact with you and informed you of Frank’s crazy plan. David only told you, so you can get to their safe house before Homeland Security and save Frank. He had a horrible feeling that Frank was being tortured or at the brink of death.

And he was absolutely right. When you got to the safe-house Frank was beaten at the worst you’ve ever seen him, and Rawlins had a knife to his eye.

Knowing Rawlins’ death belonged to Frank, you let off a warning shot by his ear. “Get away from him you cyclops looking ass bitch!”

All eyes turned on you. Both Frank and Billy were in shock that you were there, but Rawlins was happy.

“Forget the eye you owe me, Castle. I’ll just take one more thing you love.” Quickly, Rawlins grabbed you and put the knife to your neck.

“What the fuck are you doing, Rawlins!?” Billy yelled, drawing his gun.

“Let her go! You got me! Come kill me you son of a bitch!” Frank shouted, attempting to jump from his seat.

Both men kept yelling at him, but it didn’t deter Rawlins. Instead he added more pressure to your neck, drawing blood.

“Shut it, Russo! You don’t get to question me; you work for me.” Rawlins leaned into your ear. “I thought I would have to find you and make your death look like an accident. But look, the last loose end, struts right into the lion’s den.”

Desperately, you wanted to knock him out, but with how close he had the knife to your neck, there was a great possibility that Rawlins could get in a fatal blow.

“I’ll get her under control. She won’t say a word.” Billy tried to reason with him.

“No fucking way! I can’t wait to see Frank put a bullet in your fugly face!” You said to Rawlins, correcting Billy.

You could practically hear Billy roll his eyes at your outburst. One of things he loved and hated about you is, that you always spoke your mind, but it was one of the times that it was detrimental. “Y/N, shut the fuck up!” Frank and Billy reprimanded you.

Rawlins laughed at the interaction. “Sorry to end this little love triangle, but you can blame Castle for pulling her in Russo.”

What you and Rawlins didn’t know was that Frank and Billy were silently communicating on how to save you. Earlier, Billy loosened Frank’s restraints, because Rawlins was being a dick to him, so he deserved what was coming to him.

Finally, getting the hint Frank broke free. The shock caused Rawlins to loosen his hold on you, which allowed Billy to grab you.

“You good? Are you okay, baby?” Billy questioned while his hands roamed your body for injuries. When he was satisfied that you weren’t hurt, he kissed you deeply. For a moment, you forgot that he was backstabbing murderer, but the sound of Frank attacking Rawlins pulled you out of it.

Never had you seen Frank fight. You only saw the aftermath. So, you were intrigued when he fought Rawlins.

Billy tried to turn your head. “Don’t look. Y/N don’t need to see this.” You slapped his hands away and continued to watch anyway.

The way Frank fought was unbridled, ruthless, and brutal. Truthfully, if it was anyone else you would be concerned about their mental state, but you understood the depth of his anger and that was how he expressed.

You ran to Frank when he almost passed out after killing Rawlins. “Hey, baby wake up,” you lightly slapped his face.

“BABY!?” Billy roared from the other side of the room.

“I wish I could see your face right now, Bill. You just realized you’re done, and you lost everything you gave a shit about.” Frank struggled to speak.

“This isn’t my gun, Frank. I was never here. Y/N was never here.” Billy pulled you up from, Frank’s body and dragged you across the room.

You managed to pull yourself out of his hold and give Billy a right hook. “I’m not going anywhere with you! Do you think we still have a chance after everything you’ve done?”

Billy crowded your space and pointed the gun at Rawlins. “I offered Frankie a ticket out of the country before and just now I loosened the zip tie, so Frank had his chance. Ain’t that enough? What else do you want from me?”

“How about some remorse!? Can you even access that emotion or does that require too much selflessness from you?” You challenged Billy. You had to be hard on him or you would be too weak and take him back like nothing.

Taking a second, he looked up to the ceiling in deep thought. Billy leveled his eyes to yours and sighed, “What was happening when I broke up with you?”

“Huh? That’s irrelevant, Billy!”

“Its not! Now think what was in the news when I ended things?”

It took you awhile for you to remember, but when you did it hit you like a freight train. “Frank. His trial. Everything with Frank was front and center,” you mumbled.

“How does that matter, Billy?” Frank yelled off from the side. He didn’t need Billy charming his way back into your good graces.

“None of your business, Frankie. Why don’t you stick to dying over there?”

Punching Billy in the stomach, you scolded him. “Stop it!”

This time he let you go when you went to check on Frank. He was bleeding badly, so you took off your shirt to slow down some of the bleeding.

“Well, ain’t that a sight to go out to,” Billy commented on how Frank got an ample view of your breasts.

Billy’s smartass remarks were getting on your everlasting nerves and you were running out of patience. “William ‘Billy’ Russo quit your shit!”

“He ain’t lying sweetheart. That beautiful face being the last thing I’ve see is a blessing.” Frank took a bloody hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

You leaned down to his ear, playing it off as if you were leaning down to kiss him. “Stop talking. I need to stall him long enough until DHS gets here.”

Then you placed a kiss on his cheek, earning you a shot dangerously close to Frank from Billy. “None of that,” he warned.

“Okay, since I can’t do fucking anything but listen, please enlighten me what Frank’s trial had to do with us breaking up.”

Scratching the side of his head, Billy was trying to figure out where to start at. He had to make you see sense, to make you understand that he wasn’t as heartless as you believed him to be. “Y/N, you changed everything. Maria, the kids, I pushed all the guilt down and reasoned that their deaths were necessary, because I deserved better. And when all that shit went down with Frank and why he was killing everyone, all that guilt came back up.”

“Why then, Billy? Why did you feel guilty then!?”

“Because of you, damn it! Because I could finally relate. Because if someone as so much laid a fucking finger on you, they’d be dead. Shit, I already told Frankie over there, so I tell you, I was planning to propose to you. That pregnancy scare we had right before we broke up made me ready to have a family with you and I knew if someone took it away like Frank’s family, I would’ve ended up the same way.” Billy confessed.

Frank tried to stand up after he heard Billy’s confession, but he was too hurt, so you gently pushed him back down. “Having a family of your own made you regret your decision, even though we considered you family!?” The hurt was evident in Frank’s voice and you thought he may never recover.

“Frank, it’s done and over with. That chapter of your life is done. Matter of fact,” Billy gripped you by the back of the neck and pulled you against him. Then he cocked his gun and aimed at Frank despite your protests. “It’s the end of your story.”

Just before he was able to pull the trigger on Frank, a bullet from a Homeland Security hit his shoulder. He recovered quickly and dragged you with him, not caring that you left behind a bleeding Frank. The only solace you had in that moment was Madini would be able to get him the help that he needed.

--

“This is stupid, you know. You have DHS, NYPD, and my dad on your ass. Just turn yourself in and end the madness, Billy.”

Billy looked away from the window to look at you, “I’m not going prison. All I gotta do is get rid of Frank and then we’re off to a country with no extradition and starting a new chapter of our lives.”

Thankfully, Billy trusted you to a degree and didn’t tie you to the chair. So, you got up and wrap your arms round his waist and laid your head on his back. “If you go after Frank, do you really think you’ll survive that, Billy? He’s pissed and he’s not gonna stop til you’re dead. The only way to stop this is to convince you, because I know Frank can’t and more importantly, I won’t ask that from him either”

Insulted that you didn’t believe he could survive, Billy stepped out of your embrace. “You rather have me in prison?”

“I rather have you in prison than six feet under! God, Billy do you know how fucking conflicting this is for me!? I have to deal with two men I love trying to kill each other and one of em deserves it! Do you know how much it hurts my heart to say you deserve to die, Billy?” Sobs racked your body and eventually your body gave out and you fell to the floor. Never has Billy seen you cried like this. He got down to the floor and held you until the sobs subsided. “Please Billy, if you can’t go to prison just leave the country, but I can’t go with you.” You whispered against him.

It seemed like an eternity passed after you gave Billy that ultimatum. He truly considered it, but he couldn’t live without you, even if it would mean you would hate him forever. “You said it best, doll: Frankie ain’t stopping, so neither am I.” He admitted, right before he ripped your shirt in half.

“What the fuck, Billy?!” You slapped his hands away, but that didn’t deter him. His hands began to drift off to your pants and you were positive they were going to be his next victim.

Twisting your hip away from him, you were able to escape Billy’s embrace. “Bill, what the hell are you doing?”

Billy went down to push your pants down. “Just like I told you neither me or Frankie is stopping and if this is my last day on earth I wanna make love to my soulmate and possibly leave her with a little gift.”

“Uh huh. There’s absolutely no way I’m having sex with you.” Your voice quivered as you tried to reject Billy. Despite seeing him callously kill those DHS agents at his house, your body thrummed with excitement at the prospect of having sex with Billy.

Softly kissing the column of your neck with little nips in between, Billy cockily asked, “Is that so?”

You didn’t trust your voice, so you shook your head yes, which was a big no no for Billy. He loved you being vocal. Even when you two would sneak around in public, he made no efforts to quiet your moans.

“Use your words, darling,” he warned with two quick slaps to each butt cheek.

You melted into him despite the stings on your ass. “We’re totally not having sex,” you stuttered while Billy was massaging your ass.

Billy said nothing as his hand slid up your neck and lightly squeezed your throat. “See, your mouth is saying one thing, but your body is saying the complete opposite. Are you sure that’s what you want, baby? You know how good I can make you feel. How full I make you feel with me between those luscious thighs. How blissful it feels when I get at just the right angle and hit that spot. How high you feel when I start rubbing that pretty clit of yours while I’m plowing into you. Or how about how good it feels when I finally let you cum and you gush all over me. Do you really want to miss out on that for possibly the last time?”

At this point, you were a puddle. Billy always had a way with words. You only had enough energy to turn to face Billy and rip off his clothes. “That’s my girl,” Billy chuckled as he helped you take off his clothes and the remaining of yours.

Billy lowered himself to his knees and threw one of your legs over his shoulders, but you stopped him before he could get started. “No, I need you inside of me,” you ordered him.

“Someone’s impatient,” Billy smirked, standing up to his full height.

“Stop playing around or I’ll go find someone else to finish the job.”

Billy’s whole face darkened, he lifted your leg around your waist and entered you roughly. Both of you moaned in ecstasy. Both enjoying the familiar feeling of each other.

“Feels like my words did the trick. I didn’t even get to taste my favorite meal, because you’re so fucking wet already.” Billy whispered, not moving one inch since he entered you.

To motivate him, you slapped Billy across the face. “I swear to God, Russo if you don’t start moving, I’m gonna—oh shit,” your eyes rolled to your back of your head as Billy pulled out and pushed back in.

Yours and his moans plus the sound of skin slapping together were basically pornographic. Billy was right, he knew exactly how to make you feel on top of the world.

“I’m close, baby. Are you?” Billy asked, moving all your hair to one side so he could kiss the side of your neck. Somehow you managed to tell him yes and he let out a growl of approval.

“I’m gonna bust all in you. You hear me?” Billy yanked back your hair. “I’m gonna fill you with my seed and hope to see you round with my baby. Whether I end up dead or alive, either way I’m getting you pregnant tonight.”

His words shouldn’t have turned you on, but they did. You shouldn’t even be having sex with him right now but fucking Billy Russo could have almost anything he wanted especially when he was deep in your guts.

Billy’s pace fastened, causing both of you to erupt against each other. Both of your bodies were covered in the light sheen of sweat, but neither of you made the effort to clean up. In fact, you snuggled into him, drifting off to sleep, not knowing the shit show you would awake to later.

 --

When you woke up, you were tied to a carousel, Dinah was lying on the ground with a gun shot wound to the head, and Billy and Frank were beating each other to death.

Neither man had the upper hand, they were too evenly matched for each other. “Guys, please stop!” Your throat was harsh, but you managed to scream at them.

It took a couple of more screams for them to finally pay attention to you.

“Sweetheart, you good? Did he hurt you?” Frank asked, oblivious to Billy planning to attack him. Billy managed his sneak attack on Frank and he finally got the upper hand. Your heart dropped. It looked like Frank was going to die, because you were a distraction.

You were in such a frenzy that you didn’t notice you broke the zip ties until you fell from the carousel.

In the nick of time, you were able to cover your body over Frank’s, halting Billy’s assault.

“Get out the way, Y/N!” Billy ordered you.

Shaking your head, no, you pleaded with him. “Please stop.”

Billy rolled his tongue around like he always does when he’s pissed. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Do you love him?” He hissed.

“Yes,” you uttered, knowing it would break Billy’s heart.

“Do you love him more than me?”

“I..I…I don’t know.”

Sheathing his knife, he bent down, gripped the sides of your face and gave you a bruising kiss. You couldn’t tell if the kiss was meant for pleasure or punishment, or maybe both.

“Well, we’re about to find out.” He pushed off of his heels and cocked his gun. “Choose.”

“What?” You questioned, obviously confused.

Frank finally spoke up from under you. “Bill, you piece of shit. Don’t you do this to her!”

Billy was unfazed and instead of pointing the gun at Frank, he pointed it to Dinah. “Choose or she won’t even get the chance to survive the first shot.”

Frantically, you looked between both Frank and Billy. Each man so different but so similar at the same time and both had a vise grip on your heart.

“Frank,” you whispered with your head hanging down. “I choose Frank.”

If he wasn’t bleeding, you would’ve been able to see the red flushing Billy’s face.

He nodded his head as if he understood. “You always make things difficult. That’s ok, it’ll be just like when we first started dating.”

Expert marksmanship was Billy’s thing, so he always had a shot at Frank despite you covering his body. When the shot went off, you got clipped in the shoulder.

That moment set something off in Frank and he had renewed energy. Just like when Rawlins cut you, he was an animal. He attacked Billy so ferociously, you thought Billy was dead. But Frank shocked you, he told Billy he’ll leave him alive. The only thing that worried you was would it have been better just to kill Billy after the state Frank left him in.

—

Things were as good as they were gonna get. David was back with his family, Billy was locked up and hospitalized, Dinah was alive, and the CIA and DHS decided to leave Frank alone, letting him live his life.

Currently, you were waiting on Frank to go to David’s house for dinner with his family.

“Hey, Frank you almost ready?” You asked, putting on your earrings.

Frank came out of your guest room with a big duffel bag and a face full of regret.

Nodding to yourself to stop from crying, you asked the question you already knew the answer to. “You’re not going, are you?”

Sticking his hands in his pockets, Frank looked off to the side before returning his gaze to you. “Yeah.”

Walking over to him, you stuck your hands in his back pockets and gave him your irresistible puppy dog face. “There’s no way I can make you stay?”

Frank shook his head at you. He had to be strong or otherwise you would have him wrapped around your finger. Who’s he kidding? He’s probably already is. “You’re dangerous. You know that, sweetheart?”

Flipping your hair, you smiled up at him. “Duh. I kick ass on the daily.”

“That’s true, but you can really bring a man to his knees with just those beautiful eyes of yours. So, stop giving me those puppy dog eyes, or I’ll never leave you alone.”

Since, your innocent act wouldn’t work you decided to be a bit more devilish. This time you snaked your arms around Frank’s neck, brought your face closer to his and whispered into his ear. “You sure you can’t stay? At least for dinner?” You asked, licking the shell of his ear before tugging it in your mouth.

Grabbing handful of your ass, Frank pulled you closer to him and growled in your ear. “Don’t go poking the bear.”

“Or what,” you threw back, smirking up at him.

Frank shoved you against the nearest wall to kiss you and fondle your body. The way he was kissing you was almost like he was marking his territory, making it impossible for you to think about any other man.

His hands drifted to the inside of your jeans, where he pushed your panties to the side to insert two of his digits inside of you.

“Frankkkk,” you whimpered, digging your fingers in his shoulders. Those two fingers alone were stretching you out almost making you feel full. You couldn’t imagine how it would feel to get the real deal.

“Hey, open your eyes. I want to see them when I make you cum.” Frank rasped against your ear, making you even wetter than before.

Frank sped up his fingers and used his thumb to massage your clit. He loved how you quivered against him, knowing he was the cause of it. He loved your little moans that made him harder. He loved how hard you were digging into his shoulders that he knew would cause bruises. All of it he loved because he loved you.

He felt you contract around his fingers and he was in a dilemma. Desperately, he wanted to observe you fall apart against him, but he also wanted to draw it out, because this was the last time he planned on seeing you.

“Baby, please,” you begged Frank. Hearing you beg, undid Frank and at that moment he decided to finish you off.

Curling his thick fingers without changing his pace, Frank hit your g-spot, making you cum so hard you saw white spots.

Frank muffled your moans with his lips on yours. The way he was kissing you made you already wanting to start round two when you barely made it through the first round.

You whimpered when he slipped his fingers out of you and into his mouth. Unwrapping your arms from around his neck, you tried to stand on your own, but you stumbled a bit. “You okay, sweetheart?” Frank chuckled while checking on you.

When you shook your head yes, he reached down to pick up his duffel bag. “Still leaving huh?” You asked trying to keep the disappointment out.

“It’s better this way. Gives you a chance at a normal lifestyle.” Frank explained to you.

“What if I don’t want normal,” you countered.

Frank smirked at you before pulling you back into him. “You deserve it after all this bullshit, sweetheart. Go find an accountant or some stockbroker. Anyone who’s not like me or Billy.”

Pouting, you playfully hit his shoulder. “But I like my men a little murderous,” you whined.

Frank couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh. He was gonna miss that humor of yours. “I’m serious, Y/N.”

“I’m serious too! What the hell am I gonna do with a stockbroker? I’m gonna be like: ‘Oh what did I do? I beat the shit out of my client’s abusive husband. So, how was your day?’”

“You can’t beat the shit out of those assholes if you’re on the run with me. You gotta stay here help people out. It’s your calling.” It hurt to admit it, but Frank was right. The way Frank loved being a marine was the same way you loved helping out people.

Accepting defeat, you hugged Frank tightly, taking in his scent, committing it to memory. “I love you, Frank Castle.”

Slightly, pulling away from you Frank cupped your face as if he was holding precious cargo and kiss the corner of your lips. “I love you too.”

Just for a couple of seconds both of you stood there silently, getting your fill of each other for the last time. Frank was the one that broke contact first when he reached for the door. “Take care of yourself Y/N.” He advised, right before walking out the door.

After Frank left, you locked the door and slid to the ground, allowing yourself to finally let the tears fall. In a span of a couple of months you were in love with two men, one who was responsible for the deaths of the other’s family, and in a matter of days both were out of your life.

  @twistedcharismaaa​ @titty-teetee​ @guccicloudz​ @gollyderek​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @angievii @gabytodd​ @frantic-realm @mmabodybuilder​ @breanime​ @veryfastspeedz @mbaku-babygirl @crushed-pink-petals​ @music-geek19​ @voluptuouspelko​

[sightlined]

@starsassume from [ here ] bc reasons:

Protective action prompts  | @sightlined (Billy Russo) [ INTERCEPT ] : sender takes a bullet(s) meant for the receiver (Frank Castle)

“Russo!” Frank’s voice roars down the narrow corridor as he barrels down behind him, gun pointed at his back. He notes the moment Bill freezes, the tensely drawn line of his shoulders before he slowly turns to face him, hands raised. Frank doesn’t give him a moment to recover, closing the distance between them until they are but a mere breath apart, barrel pointing squarely at Russo’s head. Breath is coming rapidly, matching the rapid beat of a heart flooded with adrenaline. Bill’s lips part, and he knows before it comes that there’s something biting waiting on his tongue, but just at that moment Frank sees the shadow of movement over Russo’s shoulder.

One of Russo’s men, judging by the uniform. Only he wasn’t aiming at Frank, SMG lining up to take a clear shot at Bill’s exposed back. Frank doesn’t think, arm coming up to shove Billy roughly into the wall. He feels the impacts to his vest, the sting of a stray bullet finding flesh before the sound of it catches up to him and he grunts as balance fails, stumbling onto a knee at the same time gun raises to fire off two succinct shots at the attacker. As the man falls a pained sound leaves Frank, struggling to stand and he’s lost his advantage on Bill but the point seems moot now.

Whatever fury had been fuelling his quest for vengeance it had been quieted the moment he saw Billy’s life in danger.

He swears under his breath, arm resting against the wall to keep himself upright and when he finally regains composure and deep brown hues land on Bill’s face there’s something determined resting there.

“See, what I can’t figure. Is when did it start? When did you get into bed with the likes of Schoonover and Rollins? Because I keep hearing this voice in my head.” The hand wrapped solidly around his Baretta gestures weakly. “And it’s you, Bill. Back at Kandahar. And I figure.. there’s just no way Billy Russo would turn his back on one of his own. There’s just no way. So I’m thinking, right. I’m thinking it must be me. It must be something I did. Because you wouldn’t betray me, nah… Not you. Not unless I betrayed you first. So whatever it is, Bill.”

He’s making a statement now, gun tossed with a clattering sound to the floor and he pushes off the wall with one smooth movement. He brings himself upright and he knows without looking that blood coats his shirt, his vest. Slick and glistening in the dim lighting off the corridor. They have minutes, maybe, before Homeland storm this building but right now it’s just the two of ‘em. Frank and Bill. Like old times.

“Whatever it is. I’m here, okay. I’m here. You do what you gotta do.”

It was always going to go down ugly, the end of this - the end of them - but there was still the shock of facing down the literal barrel, that split second of eye contact a rougher impact than Frank’s body crashing into him to shove him out of the way. It was so fucking familiar, he didn’t even pull a knife mid-way, though Billy knew it would have been the saner thing to do. Frank Castle made it clear that he was going to put him down, and when Frank made his mind up, there was no stopping the inevitable.

He was coiled and back on his feet the second the brief exchange of bullets fell silent, his own gun gripped firmly through the tac gloves Frank had half-teased him about, what felt like a lifetime ago. Billy’s eyes tracked the dead man on the ground, and a flicker of hesitation passed over his face before he reeled himself back in to neutral. With the fight out of Frank, he had time.

Didn’t really matter, when his life was numbered in however many moments Castle could tolerate him still standing; and now apparently he’d been marked expendable. Rock and a hard place; fall on the panting knife before you, or let a sniper find your skull in their scope a day, four, ten from now when you were taking a piss. 

Better the death he knew.

The clatter of Frank’s gun hitting the concrete snapped Billy’s head back up, and he followed the tired line of the soldier’s body to his eyes - always honest, always a clear reflection of his intent. In the comms earpiece, Billy heard coded chatter; Rawlins' mop-up crew didn’t seem to realize he had ears on both frequencies.

“You made your choice when you left me behind, Frank.” It was more honest than he’d allowed himself to be to anyone other than the mother he wasn’t done hating. “I would have followed you anywhere, anywhere,” Billy’s finger jabbed the center of Frank’s vest near where the slug was still buried, “and you fucking know it. But you went the one place you knew I couldn’t.”

That bland suburban kitchen, all filtered golden sunlight, middle-class clutter, the perfect fucking snapshot, if you ignored the screaming rows, the plates shattered, the divide between the veneer and what festered underneath.

Billy didn’t know he was lifting the gun until the muzzle was already nestled against Frank’s belly, that sweet spot between his belt and where the vest ended. Frank, unless he had a good reason, always went for the quick, efficient kill; one of the may things that made them different.

“All I wanted was--”

“Hands up!”

The voice behind them wasn’t one Billy recognized, but it didn’t matter; the one thing he wasn’t going to allow was for Rawlins to finish it his way. In one movement he shoved Frank behind him and down, twisting to raise the gun up enough to fire. It was always going to be too slow; flank exposed, position wrong, he was a target only a moron couldn’t hit. The first two shots got him in the midsection: one entering somewhere beneath his ribs, the other catching the edge of his vest. Billy managed to squeeze off a round - wild, useless - before the third bullet hit him in the thigh and his leg crumpled under him. It was enough of an improvement in the angle that the next two shots Billy fired hit home in the agent’s skull. He clutched uselessly at his side, blood pooling quickly between his fingers, and bared his teeth at Frank over his shoulder.

“Get the fuck out of here! Now!”

[ofheroesandvillains]

To Catch A Ghost - B.Russo - 1

Billy Russo x assassin!reader

Words: 2k Warnings: None  Summary: Post-season 1 of the Punisher. Billy helps Frank defeat Agent Orange, but doesn't realise that his initial involvement has landed him right in the middle of an investigation nobody knows about. 

I’ve had a Billy fic in my head for a very long time but I was always worried that I wouldn’t do the characters justice. I’ve decided to just go for it anyway, but please let me know if it’s something you’d like to see more of - I don't want to waste time on it if no one likes it haha! 

(Not my gif, credit to the creator!) 

“Y’know, I always knew I’d see one of you on my doorstep someday.”

He smiled. 

“Mind if I come in?”

You stepped aside with a sigh. At least he had the good manners to toe his shoes off before stepping inside. It hadn’t snowed in a few days but the dirt road leading to your little cabin was still predominantly sludge and you weren’t in the floor-scrubbing mood.

“This is...cosy.”

He looked about the room the same way you always did. Builders took their tools home with them, but people like you and Coulson, you took home vigilance. There was no telling when work would sneak up on you, and after spying the file in his hand, it was clear that now was one of those times. 

“Thanks, renovated it myself.” 

You made your way to the quaint little kitchen that sat attached to the living room. Bottled water, unopened. You knew it was all he’d take, and he probably wouldn’t drink it anyway. Again, vigilance. Or paranoia, you had a hard time telling which was which nowadays. 

Either way, he accepted the bottle with a smile.

“You know I’m retired, right?” you asked, making yourself comfortable on the plush chesterfield. “Handed in my resignation right after-”

“Right after the Triskelion, yeah.” Coulson nodded, making his way over to the armchair beside you. 

Your eyes narrowed as he leaned back into the leather, far more comfortable than expected.

He dropped the file on top of the small coffee table and cracked open his bottle of water. To anyone who didn’t know you, you could be two old friends sitting down after years apart and reminiscing about the good times. Except, there was a reason you hadn’t seen each other in so long, and good times were few and far between in your line of work. 

“I know what you’re doing, Coulson.” His brows shot up innocently. “I’m not taking another job.”

“Of course not. You’re retired.”

A strained silence stretched long enough to make you squirm in your seat. Your eyes were burning a hole through the folder as it sat there staring back at you. Coulson pretended not to notice, instead drumming his fingers against the armrest and feigning interest in the wooden beams overhead. 

You rolled your eyes with a huff. 

“Damn it.”

You swiped the folder off the table and didn’t need to look over to know he was smiling.  

The first page seemed to be a profile, the layout familiar but obscured by pictures. The couch dipped beside you. 

“William Rawlins, former CIA.”

You stared down at the middle-aged man in the photo with a grimace. His hair was sparse and he had a milky eye, but it was the self-important look on his face that didn’t sit well with you.

“Want me to kill him?”

Coulson huffed in what might have been a laugh, had you thought him capable. 

“No need, he’s already dead.” With that said, he removed the photo from the folder and placed it on the table. Beneath it was another face you didn’t recognise.

“Colonel Ray Schoonover. Former marine, turned drug lord.”

“I always liked a challenge.” Your lips twitched up, only to fall as Coulson put that photo right beside Rawlins’.

“Oh, he’s dead too.”

You shot him an exasperated look.

“Well, who the hell am I killin’ here, Coulson?” 

“Not killing, investigating. You’re investigating him.” He pointed down to the profile.

There were two photos of one William “Billy” Russo. The first was a typical military headshot. With his uniform and short hair, he looked a lot more baby-faced than he did in the full body shot below. There, he was pictured in a tailored suit, his face sterner and older - a man who’d seen too much in his short life. 

But none of that negated the fact that William Russo was a handsome man.

Your brows furrowed as you scanned through his details, and you looked back over at Coulson with a frown.

“You want me to...babysit a former Marine?”

“Investigate,” he repeated.

“Right,” you drawled. “And there’s no one else available? Like, no one at all?”

A sudden seriousness settled over him, and he gave you that same genuine look that always managed to rope you into life-threatening situations. You cursed yourself for respecting him as much as you did.

“No one I trust as much as I trust you.”

“Don’t let Nat hear you say that.”

You shared an amused glance.

“I wouldn’t be here if I thought anyone else could do this job, kid.” He sighed. “I know you’re out, but this guy’s good at spotting a tail. Agent Ramirez gave me his report from a hospital bed.”

You snorted. “I’m no spy, Coulson. What makes you so sure I won’t end up in that same bed?”

Coulson smiled. “Ramirez was a spy, you’re a ghost. A little harder to catch one of those in my experience.”

“Just my luck Romanoff’s a public figure now, huh?” 

You mulled over the idea, eyes unconsciously locked onto the darkest pair you’d ever seen. His numbers were impressive, but you’d seen better. You had better. Alright, Russo.

“What exactly am I looking for?”

---------

“Rawlins was heavily involved in multiple illegal operations over east and on home soil. Our main concern, however, was his involvement with HYDRA.”

“Why is it always HYDRA?”

“We know that Rawlins funded Russo’s company, ANVIL. But we don’t know the extent of their relationship.”

“In other words, you don’t know if this Russo guy’s taken it upon himself to finish whatever Rawlins started with HYDRA.”

“We need you to get close to him, find out if he knows anything.”

“If he does?”

“Then congratulations, Nine. You get to kill someone after all.”

---------

The best way to lure someone in was to stoke their curiosity, then pretend you wanted nothing to do with them - at least in your line of work. Make him think he’s approaching you, not the other way around, Nat’s voice echoed in your mind.

The little hole-in-the-wall dive bar he frequented when he wasn’t entertaining company, wasn’t much of a stretch from what you’d usually enjoy. Admittedly, you didn’t have many friends, and your cabin was isolated enough to ensure that the only interaction you usually got was on your trip to the store for your weekly haul. 

But this...it was nice. It would be even nicer without the wasted frat boys in the corner eyeing you while they decided which one was macho enough to try his luck.

They weren’t regulars. You’d been coming here for almost a month and had never seen them before. More importantly, you hadn’t been seen before either. Not by Russo, at least. That would all change tonight if things went according to plan. 

Wednesday night, an early finish at the office. Too early in the week to go wild, but late enough to enjoy a night out. 

By now, Reggie - the old bartender - knew your usual order without asking, and what little backstory you’d supplied was firmly cemented in his mind. He even flicked the game on for you with a wink - you’d raised your glass in thanks.  

“H- ehem...Hey…”

Your eyes barely drifted from the TV. A cursory glance was enough to confirm that one of the fledglings had finally plucked up the courage...or was too wasted to stay away. 

“What?” 

He swallowed thickly, and you almost felt bad when you considered just how young he looked. Was he even legal? 

His friends laughed on the other side of the room and he scowled over his shoulder at them before turning back with a smile. 

“Mind if I buy you a drink?”

“Sorry, I don’t accept drinks from minors.”

Apparently insulted, he stood a little taller, chest puffed out and lips pursed.

“I’m not a kid.”

“I didn’t say you were a kid. I said you were a minor.”

You saw him roll his eyes from the corner of your eye. Yeah, not a kid, you mentally scoffed.

“Would you just accept the damn drink?” 

“No.”

“Why?” He sounded exasperated, and you were just about at the end of your rope. 

You finally dragged your gaze from the TV and the look you shot him must have held the right amount of warning, because it certainly had the desired effect. His shoulders fell and he took a slow and sheepish step back.

“Because,” you began, voice low. “I said so. Now, beat it, kid. I’m trying to watch the game.”

He scurried off with his tail between his legs just as someone slipped into the seat beside you. 

“Ouch.” 

It was barely a word, but the way it rolled off his lips was smoother than the drink you were nursing. You didn’t need to turn around to know it was him, and you cursed his timing.

“Think he’ll walk it off?” He asked in good humour, before motioning to the bartender. 

You decided that the photographs didn’t do him justice. Even when he traded his suits for his sweaters, he still looked better than any mark you’d tailed before. 

“They always do.”

The glass of scotch passed to him snatched his attention, and he shot Reggie a grateful smile.

“Make it two, Reg.”

“Sure thing, darlin’.” 

A silence settled between you, interrupted only by periodic laughter and the chatter of commentators. You could feel his eyes on you. 

They were glued to your chest, a furrow in his brow and a small frown on his lips.

The best way to get his attention? Tell him about yourself without saying a word. Let him think he’s figuring you out. Men love thinking they’re smart.

“You okay?”

He looked up at you, wide-eyed and apologetic.

“Sorry, I wasn’t...” he huffed an embarrassed laugh, before nodding toward your chest, eyes pointedly on your own. “You served?”

You glanced down at the ball chain that disappeared beneath the neckline of your shirt. 

“Good spot. I guess I’m not the only one.”

He smiled, something more genuine and proud than you’d expected from him, but it was quick to falter. It reminded you of whenever you would think of S.H.I.E.L.D. You’d done great things together, made friends you wouldn’t trade for the world, even saved that same world a few times. But knowing just how rotten the organisation was at the core left a bad taste in your mouth.

It tainted those memories and reminded you that everything they asked of you and everything you did for them was suspect. 

He recovered quickly. 

“Right you are.”

Your eyes narrowed as he took a swig of his drink.

“I’m thinking...Navy.”

He grimaced into his glass, and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You’re just out here usin’ everyone’s pride as a punching bag tonight, huh?” He joked with a short laugh of his own. 

“Well, now you’ve gotta be Army!” 

“Marine Corps.”

Your brows shot up. “Nice.” 

He traced the lip of his glass with a small smile. It probably wasn’t the thing he was usually complimented for, but he certainly wasn't this bashful about his looks. 

A vibration shot through your leg and while knew your conversation with him was over sooner than you would have liked, it may have just been in your favour. 

He likes women, and women like him. You’re not going to be one of those women, and he needs to know that. Half the fun is in the chase, got it?

“Sorry, I gotta take this.” You slipped your phone out of your pocket and shot him an apologetic look. “It was nice meeting you though...”

His smile faltered and the hint of disappointment that flashed in his eyes was gone in a blink. 

“Billy,” he supplied. “Billy Russo.”

You shook the hand he offered you. 

“I’m sure I’ll see you around, Billy Russo,” you said, slipping out of your seat with one final smile. 

His eyes trailed after you until you were out the door and out of sight, but he would think of you again that night. 

---------

“Have you made contact?”

“Sure have, and you have shitty timing, by the way.”

“Keep me posted.”

He hung up without another word and you sighed. 

“Love you too, Phil.”

---------

Part 2

[dylanobrusso]

Before Billy: Makes You Stronger

Just a lil Post - Before Billy. 

Further clarification...takes place a year after Before Billy. :) So 2 years prior to current events.

Taglist: @suchatinyinfinity @something-tofightfor @holamor @editboutique @ashkuuuu @geeksareunique @thoughtcrime-101 @sssilverssserpent @thebutterflyxx @obscurilicious @whovianayesha @madamrogers​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ 

—————————————————

It’d been a year now since you were shot and wounded up in the hospital. Curtis and Billy both got their slings off, arm and shoulder as healthy as ever. You had your stitches out and could walk on your own and breath normally again. Your side would still hurt sometimes, the scar where they had to cut out the bullets and reconstruct your ribs still a bit sensitive.

But all in all when you consider what all happened in the past two years, you couldn’t complain. You and Curtis moved into a new apartment. Much bigger with more space-and no broken windows. He continued his group sessions at the church and went from having just 3 sessions a week to hosting a session every night. He held one group for vets and another one for the homeless while setting up his own soup kitchen downtown.

Dinah ended up being a great help to you. She checked on you daily to make sure you were okay and even helped Curtis pick up groceries for you when you were first released from the hospital. Surprisingly, she became a good friend. Frank joked with you that she has a crush on you and that’s why she’s always been so nice-but you always shrugged him off.

You met Frank’s wife, Maria, and his two kids. Since Frank was cleared by both the CIA and Homeland Security, he was free to live his life with his family again. The Castle family would come by yours and Curtis’ apartment from time to time and they even invited you both to their new house for dinner as well. Maria is your typical all-American house wife and probably the nicest person you’d ever met. She was always offering to bring over home cooked meals and cookies that the kids helped bake.

You met Karen Page who turned out to be the pretty, pale blonde you saw after the events at the Royal Hospitality. She interviewed both you and Curtis in efforts to help support her story she was writing. She published a five page article about the events with Billy and Frank, being manipulated and controlled by Rawlins and Schoonover. While there was a lot of backlash, there was even more support from those that read it. Through her you met Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson. She worked with them at their law firm when they first started. Matt was a very handsome man who seemed to have a secret of his own. Foggy was your everyday goofball.

You also finally met the ever mysterious Micro: David Lieberman. You’d heard so much about him from Dinah so it was nice to put a face to the name. He was very awkward but kind and shared funny stories about his time with Frank. You learned the place Rawlins took you to was where he had been staying for a few years. He was cleared as well and able to be with his family again.

Then there was Billy. Where to start with him? As part of the agreement for him to be released, he attended therapy twice a week and helped volunteer at Curt’s soup kitchen. Therapy helped him resolve his guilt for the attack on the Castle family while also teaching him how to go about forgiving himself for the things he’d done. Him and Frank still had a long way to go, though. Once you were released from the hospital Frank made it a point to not be around if Billy was there at yours and Curt’s apartment. Frank would open up to you a bit about how he felt and you’d encourage him to talk to Billy when he felt ready.

Billy still had the funds he’d stacked away (you never told anyone about the bags in the woods at Central Park) and was able to start up a new version of Anvil. This time, with his own money, and not being funded by a jackass manipulator. It was hard for him to start the company back up. He didn’t want to go down the same path he went down before. He hired an all new team of recruiters and came up with a new slogan. 

“Anvil: Protection for those that need it most.”

He only hired those who attended Curtis’ group therapy sessions. He wanted to make sure he had those working for him to take mental health just as serious as physical health. Once him and Frank finally started to talk again, he even managed to get Frank to agree to speak to Anvil employees and help them train.

Dinah still refused to talk to him which Billy understood completely. He wrote her a long letter since she didn’t want to see him in person, but she admitted to you that she burnt it. Rafael, the director of Homeland, urged her to get help to work through everything. She finally had closure on her friend who was killed during their time in Kandahar and Rafael wanted her to work on forgiving Billy.

You and Billy were...managing. Billy became that guy friend who would always shoot his shot but you’d always turn him down. Your friendship was nothing short of sarcasm and witty comebacks. You managed to move up in your company again and worked long hours. Sometimes you’d come home to see Billy drinking with Curtis or having them invite you to hang out with them. Things were starting to get back together again.

——————————————————

“Y/N, pass me the ketchup?” Foggy leaned over with grabby hands as you passed it to him.

You all were at Pop’s diner for dinner, having your usual burgers, fries and milkshakes. Frank brought Maria with him and Curtis brought a new girl he was dating. Matt and Foggy managed to leave the firm early and pick Karen up along the way. This was one of the first times Dinah had joined you all since she threw her drink in Billy’s face, so you made sure to keep them separated all night. Billy sat next to you as per his usual with him on your right and Karen on your left...with Dinah beside Karen so she didn’t have to look at Billy.

“Excuse me, May I get some ice? For the water...” you asked the waitress shyly. You weren’t a fan of room temperature. You realized that made you sound boujee, but....

“You gotta be kidding me, Y/N. It’s fucking water. Just drink it,” Billy scoffed at you, earning a laugh from Frank and Curt.

“Well, you drink it then, William!” You rolled your eyes as you slid the water glass to your right.

“It’s just water, not arson. Jesus,” Billy shook his head as he gladly took the glass from you.

“Oh, I’m sorry I prefer iced water! Room temp just...tastes different.” You made a sour face as he nearly downed the water.

He swallowed before looking back over at you. “Whatever you say, princess.”

You glared at him as the waitress came back with a new glass of water, with ice. “Thank you!” You grinned placing a straw into the glass. “So, Maria, how did Frankie JR do on his test?”

Maria’s eyes lit up and Frank stared at her like she was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “Oh, he did wonderful! And Lisa made honor roll again!” Frank nodded enthusiastically. “She sure did, that’s my girl.”

Matt raised his milkshake and clinked his glass with Frank and Maria. “Good job! May have a future lawyer on your hands,” he laughed. Frank shook his head. “She has been interested in these Law and Order shows lately.”

You, Karen and Dinah whispered together about the date that Karen went on recently and Foggy poked his head in. “Oh, romance in the air? You talking about the date Y/N had?”

Dinah chuckled taking a sip of her drink. “No, Fog, this is about Karen,” she smiled as Karen blushed furiously.

“I’m gonna swear off dating for a while,” you shrugged when Foggy gave you a shocked expression. “Too many fuckboys and not enough cares for me to give.”

“Isn’t that what you call me? A ‘fuckboy’?” Billy narrowed his eyes at you and Dinah rolled her eyes. “Obviously, Russo.” You giggled at Dinah’s snarky response.

“Yeah, Y/N’s had her fair share of those jackasses. We don’t need to go through that again.” Curtis shook his head as he ate a handful of fries. Billy huffed at that, remembering your ex who still to this day would try to hit you up. Karen continued to talk about her date as Billy and Foggy discussed the new bar that was opening around the corner.

From the outside looking in, nobody probably ever imagined you all would be sitting together, let alone be friends with each other. 

But that cheesy quote ended up being true. As cliche’ as it is, you all only got stronger.

[sparkschaos]

             The day he finally returned home to New York City, Castle was soon tearfully reunited with his children at school as he found Lisa Castle in their yoga class at her school. Upon seeing her father again once again, Lisa charged across her classrooms and into her dad's arms. Castle and his children then went back to the Castle Residence where he was also reunited with Maria Castle and they spent the day together, but Castle soon realized how weary he had become from all of his time being far away from his own beloved family. One night, Lisa pleaded with her father to read her favorite bedtime story 'Penny & Dime', but the emotionally exhausted Castle promised that he would do so the next night.

            One day Castle took Lisa and Frank Castle, Jr. onto a trip to go and see the Statue of Liberty and took joy in reciting a nonsense poem to them, smiling while Frank Jr. argued that was stupid. As they looked at the statue, Lisa noted that her teacher told her that it represented everything good about the United States of America which he agreed with. However, as Frank Jr. had confidently claimed that Castle had fought in the United States Marine Corps in order to kill the jihadists, Castle lost his temper and threatened his son, something he instantly regretted as he apologized to Frank Jr., holding his children close.

~

            During his leave from the Marine Corps, Castle and Billy Russo had reunited in New York City, where Castle invited Russo to join him as he took his family for a day out at Central Park. As Lisa Castle rode on the merry go round, Castle and his wife watched on, with Maria noting that Lisa would soon be too old for it. They were then interrupted as Russo called them over to join him and Frank Castle, Jr. for some food, with Castle and his wife commenting on Russo's friend with their son.

Once the Castles sat down, they listened to Russo telling them about how he had been named after Billy the Kid, as Russo had compared himself to the infamous outlaw while also teasing Castle for having no sense of romance or creativity, noting how Castle had not thought of anything but Frank, Jr. to name his son. When Russo noted how Billy the Kid was betrayed for money and fame, Castle noted that this betrayal was the worst thing anybody could do. As Lisa commented on how Russo was an orphan, and could not know his name's origin, they all laughed as Maria promised they were all Russo's family.

~

                      When Russo left, Castle and his family stayed in Central Park, unbeknownst to them that William Rawlins and Ray Schoonover decided to have Castle killed for he believed he leaked the torture and death of Ahmad Zubair. Schoonover then arranged a deal between Mexican Cartel, Dogs of Hell, and Kitchen Irish and they started a firefight.

                Having failed to see what was about to happen in time, Castle was forced to look on helpless, in utter horror as his own wife, son and daughter were all gunned down during the crossfire. Castle was shot down and managed to survive after getting shot at close range in the head, but at the hospital, a Do Not Resuscitate was placed on him by District Attorney Samantha Reyes. Although he flatlined, he came back to life just a few seconds later without any medical aid. Upon waking, Castle demanded that the nearby George Bach take him back to his home, away from the hospital, which Bach did.

~

           Without knowing about the link between Operation Cerberus and massacre, Castle targeted the three gangs that were involved in the firefight at the park - the Kitchen Irish, the Dogs of Hell, and the Mexican Cartel. Castle started to tracking and eliminating all members of three gangs and other criminals along the way. He took his first shots at the Dogs of Hell, ambushing a small team of them and massacring them all, including Smitty. He later fired a machine gun into Nesbitt's meeting of the Kitchen Irish in Burren Club, killing them all before finding the Mexican Cartel and hanging them on meat hooks. Office of the District Attorney codenamed Castle as "The Punisher", due to his brutality and ruthlessness against criminals.

              Castle eventually learned that Grotto managed to survive his initial attack on the Kitchen Irish, and was taken to Metro-General Hospital as the wounds he had received got the better of him. Castle tracked him and charged into the hospital, fighting off a security guard on the way before blasting through the hallways with a shotgun. However, Grotto, who was recuperating in the hospital from his wounds, was only saved by the timely intervention of Karen Page, who rushed him out of the room away from Castle.

~

                 Castle knew that he was being hunted by the Irish and knew that sooner or later they would undoubtedly find him and kill him, or much worse. Castle decided that he would use the inevitable confrontation to his advantage, despite the risks to his own life and well being. Castle prepared to set up a trap for the Kitchen Irish, knowing that their main focus would be to find their money and therefore would likely keep him alive for a prolonged period of time until he gave up its location. Castle left the money in his van and attached a bomb to it, which would detonate if anyone attempted to move it. He then hid a razor blade under his skin on his arm, with the intention of using it to escape when he would be tied down and tortured by the mob. He then left the van and prepared to allow the Kitchen Irish to find and capture him so he could find a way to wipe them out.

                   With the group coming closer and closer, Castle grabbed one of the mobsters and stole his gun, killing several of his attackers and using his hostage as a human shield, with Rory claiming they wanted Castle alive. The Irish gangsters began shooting Castle with tasers which barely slowed him down. Finn Cooley revealed that he was leading the group and that he wanted Castle after he killed several of their members, including Nesbitt and Cooley's youngest son and taken his money. Despite putting up a strong fight and taking down several members of the Irish mob, Castle was eventually stopped by the taser guns being fired at him as he fell to the floor.

~

                     The unconscious Castle was taken to the mob's hideout where once he awoke, Finn Cooley explained that not only had Castle gunned down Nesbitt, the leader of the Kitchen Irish, but he had also killed his oldest son during a shooting. Cooley promised that Castle would die that night as the hole had been dug, but promised him a painless death if he revealed where he had hidden the stolen money. The overconfident Cooley offered Castle painkillers but Castle only mocked his efforts.

                   Cooley continued to demand all of his stolen money back and when Castle reminded him of his son's death at his hands, which resulted in Cooley furiously losing his temperament as he then began beating Castle, questioning if his killing spree was simply his attempt to find some form of retribution. Castle pretended to be beaten to breaking point and promised to reveal where the money was, but when Cooley got to close, he simply headbutted him and laughed at his pain. As punishment, Castle was tortured, with Cooley drilling a hole into his foot while the Punisher furiously promised to murder all of them.

~

                 With Castle still remaining strong throughout all of the brutal torture, Cooley was forced to rethink his plan as he threatened to unleash the same torture methods onto Castle's adopted dog, Max. Not willing to see the innocent animal put in harm's way, Castle finally admitted to where all the money was and Max was taken away to safety. Cooley sent Rafe to check the money was indeed there and explained that he would keep Castle alive until it was returned. However before the money would be collected from Frank Castle's Van, the bomb which Castle had left exploded, killing Rafe and destroying the cash.

                 While Cooley was distracted by the disaster, Castle managed to free himself of his restraints with the use of a hidden razor blade that he had previously placed under the skin in his arm and fiercely fought back against the mob. Castle stole his own captor's guns and shot Cooley twice in the back. Despite all his injuries, Castle was able to walk over to Cooley and threaten him with a shotgun, demanding to know who was responsible for the massacre at Central Park. When Cooley refused to answer and mocked Castle's search for revenge, Castle killed him by shooting him point blank in the face.

~

                   Believing himself to be gravely outnumbered and likely to be killed during this final firefight, Castle recited his daughter's favorite poem of "Penny and Dime" to calm his nerves as he prepared for his final gunfight. However Daredevil suddenly arrived and then charged inside of the room, using his own Billy Club to knock out the attackers.

                  Daredevil carried the severely injured Castle to a graveyard, where he eventually found he could no longer walk and sat beside a grave. Knowing he could not get away from his arrest, Castle took the time to explain why he became a vigilante, telling Daredevil about how he came home from the United States Marine Corps only to witness his wife, son, and daughter massacred by mobsters during a drug deal.

               Going into great detail, Castle told Daredevil how his daughter had begged him to read her a book the night before, but he had been too tired and tragically the next day she was gunned down and died in his arms. When the New York City Police Department arrived on the scene, Castle did not attempt to escape and instead allowed himself to be arrested by Brett Mahoney. He was taken on a stretcher and moved to an ambulance for treatment for his life-threatening injuries while the city's news reporters gathered around and photographed the now infamous Punisher being arrested by the police.

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Epilogue

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 6437

Rating: M (language and violence, talk of murder and death)

Parts 1-24 + the interludes and NSFW alphabet can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)

Summary: Billy’s awake, but what are the next steps... and are you ready to take them? 

Author’s Note: I want to get emotional about this because it’s the last chapter, and this story has been a labor of love from the moment I started it until now. But if you know me, you know how much this story means to me. You know how much work I’ve put into it, and you know that I refused to compromise on it. @its-my-little-dumpster-fire has been there with me day one, and was the ONLY one that knew how it was going to end for a while. I thank her endlessly for her support, for her agreeing that it made sense to do what I did with it, and for encouraging me throughout the writing of this.  Thank you for all of your comments and messages. Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking the time to fall for this Billy with Reader. Thank you for not abandoning this story even though it’s taken a million years to tell it. Good things come to those who wait, and I’m positive that this isn’t the ending you expect - but it’s the one that Billy deserves. 

Banner by @the-blind-assassin-12

You were curled up in your favorite armchair, knees drawn up to your chest as one hand toyed with the thin chain around your neck, fingers closing around Billy’s dog tag as it had plenty of times over the previous months. Matt was sitting on the couch, Foggy at the dining room table, fingers wrapped around his phone. “They’re here.” The blonde man  tucked his phone back into his pocket, breaking the silence. “Karen just -“ I don’t want to do this. 

 “Hey.” Matt moved, leaning forward and placing a hand on your knee. “It’s going to be alright.” You turned your head toward him, eyes moving over his face - glasses and all. So weird how he just knows. He tightened his fingers on your knee, clearing his throat. “You’ve gotta calm down, though, this isn’t going to help anyone.” You took a deep breath, nodding even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “I’m right here, he won’t -“ 

 “I’m not afraid of Frank Castle.” You sat up straight, letting your feet fall back to the floor. “I have no reason to be.” But I do. “I…” You trailed off, thinking. You’d seen what Frank had done to Billy - what he’d done to Rawlins and Schoonover and even Wolf. You knew what lengths he’d go to to avenge his family, and yet you weren’t afraid of him, not in the slightest. He’ll understand. He has to. A knock at the door startled you, and you watched Foggy move to answer it, heart rate quickening again. Here we go. 

 ---

 After the day that Billy had woken up, Matt or Foggy or Karen had visited with him every day, working with him. While Billy didn’t remember much of anything from the previous deployment or the time after he’d come home, all three of them told you that he remembered basics - his name, his upbringing, his struggles. He remembered Frank and the Castles, remembered being in the Marines… but when it came to you, Billy was tight-lipped. He said he didn’t remember any lasting relationships, didn’t remember anyone aside from Frank and Curtis and the Castles that had been constants in his life. Things stayed that way for weeks, and though you were told that Billy was getting stronger - could see his face filling out as he returned to solid foods, had heard his physical therapist talking as he’d left the room on multiple days - you knew that he still had a long way to go. 

 “He’s asking for Frank.” Karen was sitting on your couch, holding a coffee mug between her hands. “We’ve been telling him that he’s out of the city, that he can’t come see him yet, and Billy’s so… frustrated with himself that he’s not questioning it.” You frowned, and even though you still went to the hospital often, Billy would keep his face turned away from the window once he’d seen you standing there, often asking Matt or Karen or Foggy to close the blinds with a vague wave of his hand, which hurt you. “He just wants to remember, but he can’t remember everything, and his doctors still day that we can’t… we can’t just bombard him with the memories we have, with the things that we know all at once.” 

 “Even if it will help him?” She nodded. “That seems counterproductive, Karen.” She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. 

 “I’m a lot of things, but a doctor isn’t one of them.” You laughed. “And he’s making progress, so I guess I can’t really question it, but Dr. Dumont says -” You wrinkled your nose at the mention of the woman’s name - and you knew that Karen caught it, but she continued. “She says that for a lot of people with a TBI, either nothing will come back or things will come back all at once.” Karen stared at you. “We want to make sure that when Billy knows what happened to him, when he remembers, that it’s not … too much.” Probably a good idea. “She’s working on memories with him, a little more each day, but he doesn’t trust her yet, and he needs to before he can really… remember.” 

 “Why?” The woman had rubbed you the wrong way when you’d met her for the first time, and you wanted to know what Karen’s take on her was. “He needs to trust someone. Do you think that…”

 “Look.” Karen set the mug down, leaning in. “She’s… Billy…” Karen chewed on her thumbnail, blinking. “Before you, Billy didn’t really trust anyone except for Frank, right?” You nodded. “So, he’s confused right now, and because he feels like everyone’s keeping things from him - which we are, he’s going to question any help that he’s offered, even if it comes from someone like her, that’s just doing her job. Sure. “I think that Billy knows that she knows what happened with him, who did this to him, and even though that can’t be the focus right away, he wants it to be, so he feels like she’s…”

 “She’s steering him in the wrong direction.” Karen nodded. “She asked me so many questions when we talked, I just got this… feeling from her, like that fake smile is just…” Karen nodded, rolling her eyes. “I had to fill in so much for her without contradicting what Madani is saying, what the police think, what the reports say… without telling her what we know…  it was like she was looking for the weak spots in what Billy and I had, like she thought I was making it all up, just to…

 “You’re not. And you know you’re not, so… don’t let it bother you.” You nodded. “We need her. She might be able to help Billy organize the memories, which he needs.” You went silent, thinking of the way that the dark haired woman had stared at you, the look in her eyes a mix between contempt and pity. She gets to be in there with him, and… and I… “He’ll figure it out. It might take him a while, but… he’ll figure it out.” Karen cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something, something that Matt and I…” You tilted your head to the side, waiting. “We… we want to bring Frank back here, to New York.” What? “He’s going to need to know what’s going on, and I’m sure Madani’s already told him Billy’s awake, but I think… I think that memory coming back will…” She pressed her lips together. “I think it will bring a lot of other things back, too.” 

 ---

 Keeping your eyes on the floor in front of you, you waited until the door opened and you heard new voices - first Karen’s and then Frank’s - to look up. Karen stepped into the room after Frank did, her hair loose around her shoulders and a light colored sleeveless dress floating around her legs, which was a stark contrast to the almost all black  outfit Frank wore, ball cap pulled low over his brow. “Why am I here?” His gravelly voice loud but even, Frank finally made eye contact with you. “Why are we all here?” 

 “Frank, we need you to…” Karen reached out, touching Frank’s shoulder gently, the man looking back at her. “You’ll understand soon.” 

 “What’s Red doin’ here?” You watched Frank step toward Matt, the second man smiling easily as he stood, extending a hand. “Thought you’d be-“

 “Hello, Frank.” Matt gestured to the couch, still smiling. “Sit down for a minute, please.” Frowning, Frank did as he was asked, Karen taking a seat next to him - and, you noticed, angling herself so that their knees were touching. Good. “We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for weeks, Frank.” Matt moved to stand behind the chair you were in, his hands resting on the back. “We needed you here t-“

 “Only reason you’d need me here is somethin’ to do with Bill, and Madani says-“ 

 “Madani doesn’t know shit, Frank.” Karen spoke first, shaking her head. “She’s so concerned with her own narrative that the truth doesn’t seem to matter much.” 

 “Truth?” Frank turned his head to look at the woman next to him, eyes glinting. “Truth is that piece of shit is still breathing when he shouldn’t be, and is pretending not to remember anything about what he did and why he’s-“ Matt sighed. 

 “He really doesn’t remember, Frank.” You looked up, watching as Matt’s jaw clenched for a moment. “I didn’t quite believe it at first either, but when I talked to him? You can fool someone with body language and expressions, Frank. But not… not the things inside, the things I can… Billy’s telling the truth when it comes to losing his memory. He remembers flashes, small things, little details.” Me. He remembers me. The room was silent for a minute, giving you time to think, to watch Frank. 

 “Why are you talkin’ to Bill? He’s in the hospital, still doin’ therapy, they’re tryin’ to get him ready to go on trial.” She didn’t tell him, Madani didn’t...

 “They’re Billy’s lawyers, Frank.” Karen’s quiet voice filled the room, her attention entirely on the man beside her. “He’s going to go to trial, but it’s not what you think.” She reached out, taking his hand in hers, and despite the tension in the room, you felt yourself smiling at the way he unconsciously curled his fingers against the back of her hand, eyes darting to her fingers and then her face. “That’s why you’re here, Frank, because…” 

 “Because we need you. Because… Billy needs you.” You finally spoke, and though you’d played the moment over in your mind countless times, your words came out shaky. “Billy needs you to help him prove that-“

 “I’m not doin’ shit for Bill, except maybe finishin’ what I started last year.” Frank was staring at you, eyes full of pain and anger. “That son of a bitch needs to remember what he did, and if he doesn’t, then he shouldn’t get to live.” No. You waited a moment to speak, thinking of Billy’s face through the bandages in the first few weeks, the bruises on his body, the lines across his face after the gauze had been removed, the way his eyes had still lit up in recognition - even slightly - the first time he’d been awake to see you, the way he’d tried to talk to you without letting anyone else know it the day he’d asked for you. No, Frank. He gets to live. “Now will you fuckin’ tell me why I’m here?” 

 “Frank.” You spoke again, voice stronger. “You’re not going to kill Billy. You’re not going to hurt him again.” 

 “He left you.” Frank leaned forward, shaking his head and licking his lips. “He left you for money and power and other women.” He did. “He killed my family, and you’re telling me that I’m not going to hurt him again? He deserves it. Every bit of pain and confusion and-”

 “No, Frank.” You squared your shoulders. “You’re wrong.” Frank laughed out loud, an incredulous smile on his face. “You’re laughing, but you won’t be after you see what we have to show you.” He shook his head again. 

 “Show me? What are you going to show me? Let’s go, Karen. This is bullshit, and I don’t know why you brought me here.” Frank stood, looking down at the woman, who simply stared up at him, shaking her head. “What?” 

 “You need to sit, Frank.” She tugged on his hand. “I’m serious. This isn’t just about you and your family, Frank. It’s…” She wet her lips. “It’s more than that, and I didn’t believe it at first either, but there’s too much proof, Frank. Too much for it to be coincidence, too much… Matt and Foggy, we ...” Frank sat again, looking between the four of you. Good. He’s sitting. But then Frank spoke again, quietly.

 “Matt, eh? He’s Matt again, Karen? And he’s workin’ as Bill’s lawyer? That what you did, Karen? Soon as I was outta here, you ran back to -” Frank’s voice was angry, but you also heard the hurt in his words, felt the betrayal that he assumed of Karen. It’s not like that, Frank. Come on.

 “Frank.” Matt’s voice was low, tinged with anger. “You don’t know… That isn’t what…” But Frank shook his head, lips curled up in a snarl. 

 “This another thing like when you decided to represent me, Murdock? When you wanted to see the good in me, make people believe that I wasn’t a bad guy?” Frank’s lip curled. “Well I was. And I am. And so’s Bill. He’s the worst kind of guy there is, doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself or…” Frank trailed off, shaking his head. “You aren’t gonna get him off for this, Red. He deserves to be right where I put him, right where Madani put him - right where he put himself.” You don’t know, Frank, you don’t… 

 Karen said your name, drawing your attention back to her and ignoring Frank’s tirade. “Where’s the laptop?” Foggy moved first, carrying the computer into the living room and setting it down in front of Frank wordlessly. 

 No one moved until you felt Matt nudge you on the shoulder. Here goes nothing. “Frank.” You sighed, feeling tears in your eyes. “Billy did all of the things… most of the things you say he did.” Swallowing, you met Frank’s eyes, “The drugs and the dirty money, yeah. But they preyed on him - on his desperation, on his… need for success. Cerberus - “

 “How do you know that name?” Frank leaned forward, lip curling again. “There are only four people alive ‘sides me that should know that name, and you’re not one of ‘em.” 

 “I know it because Billy told me, Frank.” You tapped the computer. “He told me everything.” You swallowed again, staring directly into Frank’s eyes. “He knew… things couldn’t last forever, and wanted there to be a… record, I guess?” Frank looked confused, but you continued. “Billy didn’t… Billy didn’t just betray you and your family for money, Frank. That was part of it, sure, because he needed it to start Anvil, and he was desperate and already in too deep, but he…” Matt’s hand moved from the back of the chair to your shoulder, anchoring you. “He did it to save my life.” 

 --- 

 Frank watched the first video silently, eyes on the screen, on Billy’s tear streaked face. He watched as Billy admitted what he’d chosen, what Rawlins had demanded of him. He’s paying attention. The video filmed the day that the Castles had been murdered got a vocal response from Frank, a loud groan followed by a long, low whine that left the man’s throat unconsciously. I get it, Frank. The video had been painful for you to watch, because in it, Billy wasn’t only distraught, he was angry too. He apologized countless times - to you, to Maria and the kids, to Frank… each time, the sincerity in his voice became more and more apparent, the look in his eyes less and less like Billy and more like the man you’d watched on the news and in the papers in the year following the tragedy. The video started with Billy’s eyes full of tears, the liquid leaking out of the corners of them and down his face, but it ended with him seething in anger, vowing to get back at Rawlins, to make him pay for taking away the only family Billy had ever had - some of the only people he’d ever truly loved.

 The videos - there were more than a dozen of them, recorded over the course of that year - were of varied lengths. Some were only a few seconds long, Billy reciting a password or explaining a document or a picture, but others were minutes long, where he poured out the stress and frustration of his days, not knowing whether or not anyone would ever hear the words. 

 You skipped over the video that Billy had recorded after New Year’s Eve, telling Frank that that one was personal, moving ahead and letting him go through the others, clicking open the documents that he’d also saved onto the laptop. “Everything’s here, Frank.” Foggy spoke quietly, a thick file held in his hands. “We’ve got enough information to prove that Billy was a pawn, and that the story that got concocted afterward is a load of crap. Yeah, he did a lot of bad things, and he made some really terrible choices, but once he was mixed up in Cerberus, he had no other option. Schoonover and Rawlins made it that way… and it would have been the same for you if they hadn’t -”

 “I’d never kill a woman or children like he did.” Frank’s voice was angry. “Never.” He looked at Karen. “You believe this shit? You know Bill, you know it’s all lies, and -”

 “It’s not, Frank. We’ve looked into it. The information he left us has merit.” Karen shook her head, hair moving over her shoulders. “The discharge papers that Billy has aren’t the ones that were released, or that the prosecution will be using. The money transfers aren’t the same. They don’t line up. Nothing does - this story that Madani and Marion James and Rafi Hernandez are telling about Billy and Lewis Wilson? It’s paper thin. Billy used the money they gave him to open Anvil, but once that was done, he did nearly everything except the drugs by the book - until the last couple of months, Frank. He did things under the table too, but that was because he had to. We followed the money. It checks out. Anvil itself was a legitimate business except for the… he just needed to get there.” He muttered the words ‘it doesn’t matter’ under his breath, but Karen continued. “It does matter, Frank. Because Billy -”

 “Billy did what he had to do to survive, Frank. Same as you.” You finally spoke again, feeling the anger coursing through your veins. “He got in over his head and couldn’t get out because he had no one after you chose not to transfer with him.” You leaned in, narrowing your eyes. “He couldn’t let them kill someone innocent because of what the two of you did for Rawlins, and so he decided…”

 “Why did you get to live?” Frank’s eyes were on you, but his voice was ice cold. “You get to live and my little girl didn’t? My wife is in the ground, and you’re still here, walkin’ around and defending the piece of shit that put her there?” Frank pushed to his feet, towering over you. “Why do you get to fuckin’ live and they didn’t? My family didn’t? And you tell me that I need to understand why he did it, understand where he was coming from? A couple of goddamn videos are supposed to...” Unblinking, you stared up at him for a moment before you stood, too. No. 

 “I got to live, Frank, because Billy loved me.” Loves me? Maybe? Still? You felt yourself getting ready to cry again, but you stood your ground, even though you could feel Frank’s breath on your face. “He didn’t know about the kids. He didn’t know that they’d… you heard him, Frank. He thought they were just going after you, and if that was the case, you’d have a chance, even if you were caught off guard. You know that’s true, Frank.” You took a breath. “You got your revenge on him. You hurt him. You almost killed him. But he was sorry before that even happened - he never wanted anything to happen to you … to any of you.” You gestured to the computer that was sitting on your coffee table. “You saw it. You heard it. There’s more to see, more to go though, more to… I’m not asking you to forgive him, not right away.” You shook your head, eyes still on Frank’s face. “But he needs you, Frank. He can’t remember without… you here. He just remembers the skull, remembers the fight, remembers…” You were crying, the tears silently rolling down your face. “He’s stuck back in that period before you went to Afghanistan. He remembers how he felt about you and your family right then, but…everything else is scrambled.” 

 “You want me to help him? Want me to tell him that I fuckin’ destroyed his face because he killed my family, but it’s fine because I want to help him and make sure the right people pay?” Frank shook his head. “You think he’ll be good with that? Think he’ll accept that he was like my brother and he killed my family so I almost killed him like I killed everyone else that had anything to do with this? I took away his looks and his power and his reputation?” Frank’s head moved again. “No.” You felt your heart drop, and Frank leaned in. “Not gonna happen. Not now, not ever. I’m gonna tell Madani -”

 “No, you’re not.” Matt’s voice filled the room, quiet but sure. “You can’t tell her anything, Frank. We need to build his case, and it’s dependant on her not having any access to him anymore, her not knowing what we’re doing with him. She and the prosecutor can’t… they can’t know. Not yet” Frank’s eyes darted over your shoulder to Matt, nostrils flaring. “There’s enough information here to prove that Billy’s not innocent, but that he acted on orders to begin with, and that… well, there’s enough to totally expose Rawlins and Wolf and now Madani and James and to make it so that -”

 “You think you can win this? You think that you can come out on top?” Frank pointed toward the door, head shaking back and forth. “We tried. We tried to get out, tried to fuckin’ end it. We couldn’t say no to Rawlins or to Schoonover. We couldn’t get anything past them. They owned us.” Frank sniffed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You think they didn’t cover their asses when they made this story up about Lewis and Billy? Madani’s untouchable. The CIA is -”

 “Not untouchable, Frank. Not with all of this information.” Foggy lifted a finger. “Which we all obtained legally, I might add. Billy was very thorough with records and -”

 “It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference, because I’m not helping you.” Frank looked at you again, sadness replacing the anger in his eyes for a split second. “You think I’m gonna help you so that you can get your happily ever after with Bill Russo? You don't get that.” There’s no happily ever after, Frank. Not now. “My wife didn’t get to live. My kids had no future. Why? Because Bill fuckin’ Russo let them die!” The last three words came out in a roar, and Frank lunged toward you, reaching for your arm. You dodged him, but Matt was faster, using his surprising strength to push Frank away from you. “He shouldn’t be alive. I should have killed him last year. How can you even look at me right now, how can you say their names, or ask me to help you or help him, or -” 

 You spoke again, the tears still falling as you stepped toward the two men; Matt with his feet planted, arms locked around Frank’s waist. “Frank, I… you have no idea how hard it is for me to… to know that I’m the reason…” You shook your head, using one hand to wipe the tears away. “That he didn’t come to you and warn you because of me.” It was the first time you’d said it out loud since you’d told Karen, and the weight of the admission made your knees weak. They died because of me. “They’re your family, Frank. Billy was your family. And he picked…” You shook your head, still moving closer, one hand on Matt’s back. “It’s alright, Matt. He won’t hurt me.” But part of me wants him to. Frank hitting you or crushing your arm in his grip wouldn’t help, but it would feel a little like making amends - like you were finally paying for your part in the whole situation. Matt stepped away from Frank, warning him in a low tone to keep his hands to himself, and Frank nodded once, head lowered. “Maria and Frank Jr. and Lisa should still be here. And they would be if he’d come to you like he should have.” You swallowed, reaching for one of Frank’s hands. “He said he loved me, Frank. But I never thought he’d choose me over you guys. I’m sorry he did. I’m sorry about it every day, because it shouldn’t have...” 

 “Well he did, and I’m sorry about that too.” Frank let you take his hand, and you watched him duck his head further, eyes on the ground. “Bill saved your life and destroyed mine.” He did. “Who would… I can’t believe that the first time Russo decides he loves someone more than he loves himself, this is what happens.” You laughed weakly, still crying, and waited until Frank’s gaze met yours. “You really believe this shit… believe… him?” You nodded - just once - lips pressed together. 

 “He made it a point to get this stuff to me, Frank. He thought… you were going to kill him, or he was going to kill you, or you’d both... but he wanted me to know, even though it probably wouldn’t matter.” You stepped closer, squeezing Frank’s hand. “But he’s alive, and you’re alive, and it does matter.” You swallowed. “Madani might be untouchable. There’s still a lot to consider… but he’s alive, Frank. And we can help him. You can help him. He didn’t do any of this because he wanted to, and now he doesn’t remember… but he will. The more information he has - the more confirmation… it can help the memories come back.” It can bring Billy back to me. “It won’t bring them back, Frank. But… if this goes how we hope it will, it might stop things like this from happening to other families, and give you...” Peace of mind? 

 Frank didn’t move or speak, but he watched you intently. Swallowing, Frank looked around the room, jaw working beneath the thin layer of stubble. “It’s not your fault.” You felt your breath leave your body in a single exhale, crumpling into Frank’s chest as his arms went around you, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s not on you.” You started crying again, feeling his grip change, and moved to hug him tightly, feeling him take deep breaths. This is good. When you pulled apart, Frank’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes on Karen. “We need to get in touch with David.” 

 Glancing over your shoulder, you watched the woman nod. “We didn’t know if you’d want us to, Frank. Not before you came back, so…” She shrugged. 

 “I want him to look at all of this. He’ll be able to tell if it’s real and when it’s from and…” Karen nodded, Frank looking back at you. “What do I need to do?” You opened your mouth, but Matt spoke first. 

 “We haven’t shown Billy any of this yet, or told him that we’ve got it. We just took over his case from the shitty public defender they assigned him, since as far as they know, he’s got no money.” Matt gestured toward you. “She’s footing the bill, but they don’t need to know that, not yet.  We wanted to wait until we knew if you’d help or not before we decided exactly what we were going to do, what our strategy would be… but the first thing is going to be getting you into the hospital to see him.” Frank nodded, jaw still clenched. “Foggy and I will be with you, of course, but…” He trailed off. “The next thing is going to be getting her in there.” Frank’s eyes widened. 

 “You haven’t seen him yet?” You lowered your head, whispering the word “no”. “You want me to do this and you haven’t even talked -”

 “He won’t let me, Frank.” You swallowed. “I saw him once with Madani, right after you came to tell me where he was. He didn’t even know I was there.” You sighed. “And he asked for me by name once, too, after he woke up, and so they let me in, but it wasn’t… Matt was in the room, and so was his therapist, and when Billy saw me…” You closed your eyes at the memory. “He acted like he didn’t know me aside from my name. Told me to leave, told me to…” You took a deep breath. “But he knew who I was, he just didn’t want to…” You were sure of this; his phrasing and movements had been too precise, too specific to mean anything else. 

 --- 

 “He asked for you by name.” You were sitting in a small office with Matt and Dr. Dumont, the dark haired woman across the desk from you, her hands folded on the surface of it. “We were doing our session today, and William said that he remembered something.” She studied you, brow furrowed. “He said your name - first and last - and asked if you were the one that was waiting out in the hallway.” She waited for your reaction and because you were stunned, you gave her one, your eyes going wide and a hand going up to your mouth. “I’d like to have you in the room with me the next time I go in. I didn’t confirm anything for him, but since he asked…” She smiled, the expression not reaching her eyes. “I want to do whatever I can to help him.” Sure you do. 

 But you’d agreed, the three of you walking down the hallway from her office to Billy’s room, past Madani, who was pacing in the hallway. Dumont warned you that Billy got agitated easily, that he often lashed out at her - at the doctors and even at the lawyers, something that Matt confirmed with a quiet chuckle. “From what I know of Billy from before, there’s still a lot of him in there, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.” 

 It gave you hope, and as Krista pushed the door open, you took a deep breath, wishing that you’d had time to go home from work and change. It doesn’t matter. Billy was restrained in the bed, arms and legs strapped down, and you frowned as you saw that he was wearing a mask over his face, the smooth white surface obscuring his features totally - except for his eyes. “I brought you a visitor today, William.” Krista stepped next to him on the bed and you hung back, feeling Matt’s hand at your elbow. 

 “His heart rate changed when you walked in.” Matt leaned forward to whisper into your ear. “It’s racing.” You swallowed, staring at Billy, and then your eyes moved to the doctor, hearing that the woman was speaking but not listening to the words before they fell back on Billy’s form, laying flat on his back in the bed. I loved you too much. 

 “Billy?” Your voice quiet, you stepped forward, and at the sound of it, Billy looked away from Dr. Dumont, focusing his gaze on you. “It’s good to see your eyes open, the last time I was in here, they were…” You smiled at him - a real one - and continued. “You weren’t awake.” He blinked, and you saw his fingers flex. Krista had stopped talking and you glanced over at her, noting the frustrated look on her face. “I know… you’re confused about a lot right now, Billy.” You moved from the foot of the bed up toward the head of it, his eyes following you as you stood opposite of the doctor, never looking away from him. “But she said that you asked for someone by name earlier, and…” You paused, biting your lip and thinking. “Do you know who I am?” 

 He was silent for long seconds, though he kept staring at you, the look in his eyes unreadable. You hadn’t heard his voice in person in months, so when he spoke, words muffled by the mask, you fought back a gasp. The first words he said were your first and last name, and even as you felt relief flood through your body, you were nodding, taking a half step closer to the bed. “I know your name.” Good, that’s good. “I recognize your face.” You nodded again, finally closing your eyes for a second and taking in the sound of his voice. Still him, still in there, still… “But I don’t know how I know you.” It hit you hard, and you opened your eyes back up, finding Billy’s again. “I should know how I know you, right? We -” Unsure of what to say, you watched as Billy shifted on the bed, the straps on his legs and arms pulling tight. Should you? Did I… 

 “Billy, I…” He let out a breath, head shaking back and forth, and your eyes moved up to Krista and then back to Matt, though you didn’t know what he’d do. “Hey, stop. It’s alright, Billy.” You leaned over the bed, unafraid of the movement of the man, and said his name quietly. “I’ll go, Billy, I don’t want this to…” You gritted your teeth. “Billy.” He stopped moving, once again looking at you. “It’s OK if you don’t remember.” Fighting back tears, you nodded down at him, noticing the slightly wild look in his eyes and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He’s scared. “I wanted to be here sooner, and I’m not going a-”

 “I think it’s best if you go, and let me calm William down now.” Krista’s voice interrupted your staredown with Billy, and you could have sworn you saw a flash of annoyance in the deep brown. “We can try this again later, after he’s had some time to -”

 “I… I miss the Crown.” Billy was staring at you, eyes refocused. “You know? Page outta your book?” Billy. You opened your mouth to respond, but Krista beat you to it. 

 “Sometimes he says a lot of things that he doesn’t…” But you tuned her out, still staring down at Billy, watching as his eyes moved over your face, recognition in them along with a careful curiosity. You noticed for the first time that he was turned completely away from Krista, one cheek pressed against the pillow. She can’t see the look in them, she… “William, if -”

 “Go. I want you to leave. I need you to leave” His tone was harsh but the look in his eyes didn’t change. He moved his hand, and though you didn’t want to look away from his face, you glanced down, watching as he held his hand up, fingers shaking slightly as he spread them out. Oh, holy shit. You felt Matt step closer to you from behind, his hand again closing around your elbow and his voice low in your ear, telling you it was time to go. Yeah, it is. 

 “I understand, Billy. You need to… just you.” 

 --- 

 “So they told me not to come back after that, and Dr. Dumont says that until he remembers other things, me being there won’t help. But he needs to know… he needs to feel like we’re there for him...” 

 You thought of the way that the woman’s dark eyes had looked you over while you were walking down the long hallway away from Billy’s room, the way her voice had filled your ears - sickeningly sweet as she spoke to Billy before, turning colder when addressing you and telling you how much you’d upset him. “But me bein’ there will?” You nodded, bringing yourself out of the memory. “How?”

 “You’re his best friend, Frank. Even if that’s not how you feel right now, it’s the truth. It’s what he remembers.” Karen spoke up from her place on the couch before taking her lower lip between her teeth. “We’re going to have to take it slow, probably include the doctor in some of our … she’ll need to try to work with him on the memories, on how to unlock them without us feeding him everything,  but we just need to…” She shrugged. “Play it by ear, I guess. We’ll make it work.” 

 “He remembered her, Frank.” Matt spoke up, his voice sure. “His heart rate changed, he was speaking deliberately, controlling the way he…” Matt stepped forward again. “Him saying that he didn’t know how he knew her before, telling her that he wanted her to leave when she was in there? The only thing he’s ever lied about - that I’ve heard - are about her.” Matt paused. “He knows more about her then he’s letting on, from different times, and is trying to protect her.  We’re going to have to talk about that with him, but there hasn’t been a good time.” 

 The room went silent again, you turning to stand next to Frank and look at the others, waiting. Can this work? There was a lot of information on the computer, but there were also things that Billy and Frank would need to fill in in order to truly make a case. It won’t be easy. Your eyes fell on Matt and Foggy - two of the hardest working and smartest lawyers in the city, people that you knew wouldn't be intimidated by going up against powerful people. They then moved to Karen, the woman strong enough to believe in Frank when no one else did, willing to love him despite his flaws, also unbothered by a challenge, no matter what it was. 

 They finally moved back to the man standing next to you, his chest rising and falling as he thought. Frank, you knew, was Billy’s best chance at remembering (apart from you) because Frank had been with Billy not only in Kandahar, but also in the days leading up to the fight at the carousel, had learned things that no one else knew - could fill in blanks in ways that no one else could. We need you, Frank. Billy needs you. “Yeah. OK.” Frank nodded once, and for the first time since you’d watched Frank’s frame retreat toward the elevator after telling you he’d put Billy in the hospital but let him live, you felt a real spark of hope flicker in your chest. “Tell me what we’re gonna do.” We’re going to help you, Billy, bring you back here where you belong.

---

. . . To be continued . . . 

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[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Part 23

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 7819

Rating: M (language and violence)

Parts 1-22 + the interludes and NSFW alphabet can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)

Summary: Billy came to see you, and told you that it was going to be the last time ... but he left you something very important. What’s in the box? What does it mean? You’re about to have a rough few days... are you ready? 

Author’s Note: This one was hard to write for a lot of reasons, and it covers a lot of ground...but it’s nothing compared to what’s coming next. 

(Banner made by @the-blind-assassin-12​)

The box was still sitting on your dining room table two days later, exactly where he’d left it. You hadn’t gone near it, hadn’t even thought about opening it, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to throw it away, either, even though part of you knew that you should. You tried to focus on the TV but you knew that it was pointless, because all you could think about was Billy. His words to you as he’d torn himself out of your grip - “You didn’t deserve what I did to you, but I had to do it for you. No matter what they say about me, you need to know that.” You thought of those words, of the way that his eyes had looked - wide and scared and sad and hopeless, of the way that his voice had caught as he’d said your name, casting one last glance over his shoulder at you as he walked out of the apartment, the door slamming behind him. 

 For me? That doesn’t... But the words were only words, only memories… what was real was the warm smear of blood that had been on your fingers after touching his arm, the stain of it on the sleeve of the shirt you’d been wearing, the one that was hanging up in your closet, still bloody, the smudges on the side of the box that was facing away from your living room. What happened to you, Billy? But you didn’t open the box, you couldn’t, because it meant finality, meant accepting that he wasn’t coming back, and you weren’t sure you were ready for whatever it was he’d wanted to show you. 

 A knock at the door - so similar to Billy’s knock that it made your heart lurch - jolted you out of your thoughts and without pause, you stood and made your way to see who it was. He’s back. You didn’t stop to look through the peephole, but when you took in the figure at your doorstep, you gasped out loud, your hand going up to your mouth. “Frank?” Blinking, you gaped at him, stepping back. “Frank, I didn’t know you were, you -” 

 “Lemme in?” His voice was soft and in stark contrast to the dark and angry looking bruises and cuts that covered most of his face. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and you saw the fresh wounds, the thick, ugly stitching on his left forearm, the scrapes that covered his hands and knuckles. “I-” What happened to you?

 “Of course, Frank.” You gestured for him to come in, and you watched as his eyes traveled around the room, mouth slightly open. He turned toward the kitchen, eyes passing over your table and the box before staring at the sink and then swore under his breath, hanging his head. He hasn’t been in here since they had dinner, hasn’t seen this place since Billy got shot and he came to get me. “Frank, I’m… I’m so sorry about Maria and Lisa and Jr.” His head snapped up, unfocused eyes locking on yours and clearing. “I watched the trial and I saw what they said about you, and I didn’t -”

 “It’s all true.” He shrugged, moving to sit on your couch, legs spread apart and his elbows resting on his knees, swollen fingers flexing. “I killed a lot of people, kid.” You raised your eyebrows but moved over to sit across from him on the edge of your coffee table. “I did what I had to do. I always did. Always will.” You nodded, reaching over for his hand but he pulled it away from you without letting you touch him. “But that’s not what I’m here for.” What then? You watched as he struggled with his words, head shaking back and forth as one hand reached up to rub at his scalp. “Why’d you do it?” He looked up, blinking, split lips pushed out into a pout that you knew was more frustration than anything else. “Why’d you…”

 “What did I do, Frank?” You reached out for him again and this time he let you touch his arm, your fingers gently moving over the stitches. “Who did this to you?” He chuckled and wrinkled his nose, licking his lips as he shook his head. 

 “I told you that if you hurt him, made him regret you, there’d be no comin’ back for him.” Billy. He’s talking about… 

 “What?” Your jaw dropped, and Frank paused. “What do you mean what did I do to him?” 

 “Bill came with Karen to see me when I was in prison last year.” Your heartbeat increased, but you shook your head. I knew that. “Said he wanted to see how I was holdin’ up, wanted to make sure I didn’t need anything. He talked to her and offered to pay for my legal fees, said he knew he needed to help.” Frank lowered his head again, shaking it. But I didn’t… we weren’t together then, we… “I asked him about you, kid. Told him that it was important for him to keep you around and as close as possible, to make sure that he could take care of you the way that I couldn’t… the way I didn’t… for Maria and my kids.” You felt tears welling up in your eyes and your fingers tightened on Frank’s arm. “He told me you ended things, and I wanna know why. I wanna know what you did and when you did it and what happened to make Bill snap. You loved him, I know you did… so what happened?” What the fuck? You froze, sitting straight up. 

 “I didn’t end things with him.” Frank cocked his head to the side and gave you an incredulous look. “He came home from Afghanistan  before you did, and we had a few weeks together that were... “ You shook your head. “He came to my house one day and told me we were over, Frank.” He went to speak, but you continued, the tears spilling over and down your face unchecked. “He told me he loved me not even a few hours before, and then came here and said he didn’t want to see me anymore, said that he didn’t want me, that I was just fun to fuck and that he couldn’t wait to see what - who else was out there for him as the owner of a company like Anvil.” Frank recoiled from you, sitting up straight on the couch. “I didn’t believe it, but he didn’t budge. He looked at me like he didn’t even know me, Frank. He told me not to call, not to bother, that he was done with me, that he never should have...” 

 “Shit, I -” Frank’s voice was filled with surprise, one hand covering his mouth. “Kid, I -”

 “So I didn’t do anything, Frank. I fell in love with him, and I let him break my heart. I should have known it would happen, but I was too fucking stupid to… Even at the...” He reached out, taking your hand in his and shook his head, muttering under his breath.

 “Bill wasn’t what we thought he was.” What? “He… there’s probably gonna be a lot of stories and shit comin’ out in the news in the next couple of weeks, but only parts of it are true. It’s gotta be this way.” What? Frank took a deep breath. “One of those truths? Bill… was responsible for my family’s murder.” No. No way. No… Your eyes widened, the tears coming again. “He wasn’t there, but he didn’t stop it, he…” Frank snarled, gaze locked on your face. “Anvil was more important to him than we were, the money was more important.” What are you talking about? He loves you. 

 “Frank, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I -” You shivered, your eyes going back to the box, Billy’s words echoing in your head. I had to do it for you. “I… Billy wouldn’t… he loves you guys, he adored the kids, he… you’re his…”

 “He said he loved you too, right?” Frank laughed again, but the sound was bitter. “And look how that turned out for you. He only loves himself.” He lowered his head again, looking down, his right hand joining the left as they hung between his knees. “Doesn’t matter anymore, Bill’s gonna be gone for a while.” At the tone of his voice you went still, eyes moving over his face. Gone?

 “Frank, what do you mean, what did you… where’s Billy?” Your heartbeat changed again, and your voice went up a notch, fear creeping into it. He left me. He abandoned me. He hurt me. I shouldn’t care. Frank stayed quiet, watching you. But I do. “Frank?” 

 “I just came to tell you before the story comes out.” Frank stood and you followed, watching as he walked toward the front door, where he paused and turned back to you. “You needed to hear it from me. To hear the truth.” Hear what? What did you do? What… “I killed Schoonover and Wolf and Rawlins - the one that organized everything, the one that Billy was working for.” Rawlins? Billy said he was dead, that it was safe, that... “And then Bill and I… we…” He trailed off, the hand going back up to his head. “Shit.” Frank took a deep breath. “He asked me to kill him, and I couldn’t do it, kid. I want him to live with it, I want him to know what he did. To me and to my wife and my kids.” 

 Billy’s name slipped from your lips before you could help it and a fresh round of tears started falling even though you didn’t know exactly what Frank meant. He asked you to what? “Frank… please, what did you…”

 “He’s alive. Doesn’t fuckin’ deserve it, but he’s alive.” Frank laughed again and though you could tell the sound caused him pain, he continued. “Not gonna look the same, though.” Regret flashed in Frank’s eyes for a moment, but then it was gone, replaced with a cold determination. “Madani’s gonna keep an eye on him for me, but Bill won’t be a problem anymore for anyone, she’s gonna make sure of it.” You felt your entire body go numb but you forced yourself to reach out, to touch Frank’s shoulder, the tears still streaking down your cheeks. 

 “What the fuck did you do, Frank?” Frank stood up straight, turning to face you again, the look in his eyes one of pain that you were sure had been there for well over a year, pain that wasn’t surface level but soul deep - that had likely intensified in the last few days… pain that he’d never admit to anyone out loud, even though he was looking at you as if he wanted you to own it, too. “Frank, please. Where is Billy? You came here to tell me, so tell me.” 

 “Bill’s currently in a coma at Sacred Saints, and when he wakes up, if he wakes up, he’s going to go to jail for a long fuckin’ time.” A coma? “No more Billy the Beaut, no more hiding behind his looks or his lies or his money.” Frank leaned in, and the next words that he spoke were quiet. “It’s better this way, we’re both better off without him, he’s gonna pay for what he did for the rest of his life...” Sounds like he already did. “I could have killed him, and I didn’t.” You looked down and saw Frank’s fingers flexing, saw the bruises all over his arms and face. Billy did that to him. Billy hurt him, he… “Forget about him, kid. He doesn’t deserve your pity.” Billy… oh no. 

 Without another word, Frank opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, not looking back. You watched as he retreated toward the elevator, shoulders slumped and head down. Is he trying to convince me or himself? “Frank!” He stopped and turned to look over his shoulder at you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever part I played in this, but Billy… he never… he wouldn’t...” Frank shook his head. 

 “But he did.” He didn’t speak again, and you watched until he’d turned the corner to step into the elevator before shutting the door and looking around your apartment without seeing it. As your eyes fell on the box again, you finally walked over to it, sitting down at the table and pulling the package toward you. The tears fell again as you put your head down, forehead against the top of it. You got a whiff of Billy’s cologne and that’s all it took, the tears turning into full-blown sobs that shook your entire body. With one hand, you pushed the package away from you and put your head down on the table, fingertips still connected with the box - and in the only way you had left - to Billy. 

--- 

 Frank’s visit hadn’t cleared much of anything up, but he’d been right. In the days following the man’s visit to your apartment, there were news stories released that tied Billy to the city-wide bombings, that put Anvil’s name right alongside the other man that had already been killed’s - Lewis Wilson was listed as Billy’s accomplice. He’s not a terrorist. He’s not… he wouldn’t. The news reported that Billy was in a medically induced coma due to the nature of his injuries, but every newscaster that spoke about him seemed to think that this was a good thing, because it gave the police - and Homeland - the opportunity to build a case against him for when and if he ever woke up. You saw multiple interviews with Dinah Madani, the woman’s eyes purple, a bandage affixed to the left side of her head. What happened to her?  She talked about Billy, about Anvil, about doing what was right for the city of New York, for the victims, for the people that the two men had hurt. She means herself. She wants justice for herself. 

 You still hadn’t opened the box on your table, and when, on the third day after Frank’s visit, you decided to go to the hospital, you knew that you’d likely have to speak to police, that the hospital staff would make note of the fact that you were attempting to visit someone that had been labeled as Billy was: a killer. Frank had to know that I’d go if I knew, he had to… But it wasn’t enough to deter you. You knew that Billy was capable of killing, capable of being cold and unflinching, capable of hiding things, but you still loved him, still knew that he was capable of more, too. I need to know, I need to… I need to see him. So you’d pulled yourself together, steeled yourself for what you’d need to say and headed to the hospital, walking in and going straight to the nurse’s station on the main floor. The woman had seemed bored until you’d told her who you were and asked if you were listed as Billy’s emergency contact. Yeah, that sure made you more interested. As the young woman typed on her computer and picked up the phone, you looked around the room, remembering the last time you’d been in a hospital waiting room, the way Billy had clung to you, the way he’d seemed so upset. No, not seemed. He was upset, he - “Ma’am?” The nurse was calling your name, a thin smile on her face. “You’re listed as his second emergency contact, but there’s no next of kin.” 

 Second? Who was the first? “Why wasn’t I called when he was brought in?” You tried to keep the edge out of your voice, knowing that it likely hadn’t been the nurse’s fault. “I -”

 “It says here that we were able to reach the level 1 contact, so we didn’t need to…” She frowned. “I can’t tell you much else, but we only reach out to the secondary when the first…” The woman shook her head. “Mr. Russo is …” Her eyes darted to the right, toward the elevators and then back to you, a fake smile on her face. “Mr. Russo is not currently permitted visitors.”

 “But he’s in a coma, how can -” Frustrated, you shook your head. “I might not be his family but he doesn’t have -” You heard your name and froze, fingers tightening on the edge of the nurse’s station desk. 

 “William Russo is under the supervision of armed guards.” You turned, facing Madani, and saw that the bruising around her eyes was darker than it had looked on the TV, but that she’d removed the bandage on her head, revealing a few short stitches. Wonder what happened there. “If you’ll come with me, we can talk about this privately.” I don’t want to go anywhere with you. But you followed, realizing that it was likely the only way you were going to get information, the only way you’d get any closer to Billy. She led you back to the elevators, and though the short ride up was silent, you studied her carefully, wondering what Billy had seen in her, wondering what he’d done to her to make her hate him. “I have a feeling,” she said to you as you exited the elevator, Madani’s quick steps leading you down a brightly lit hallway. “A feeling that you won’t say anything to me until you’ve seen him.” Your heart was pounding, but you stayed silent. This is too easy. “So, I’m going to allow you that - to see him, to see what Billy Russo has become, and then we can go and talk.” 

 She stopped in front of a closed door, two armed guards nodding at her. “Agent Mad-”

 “They’ll search you, and you’ll leave your bag out here in the hallway.” She was all business, but even as she spoke, you were removing your bag from your shoulder, handing it to one of the police officers to go through. “Phone too. We don’t want pictures of him to get out.” You removed it from your pocket, turning it off and then handing it over as the second officer stepped toward you, doing a cursory pat down of your body. “He’s not responsive.” You heard the bitterness in her voice, and turned your head to look at Madani, whose hand was raised, fingertips pressing against the stitches on her temple. “I can’t wait for the day when he is, but for now…” She shrugged, her eyes moving back to you. “Go in there, see him. Talk to him, tell him what you need to tell him, and then you’re going to tell me what I need to know.” I am? But you nodded, already stepping toward the door as one of the police officers moved to open it. “She can go in alone, maybe she meants as much as to him as he seems to mean to her, and it’ll get through to him and wake him up.” 

 You knew Madani was trying to convince you to help her, showing you that she could give, that she was willing to concede something to you, but you’d already made up your mind that no matter what she told you, what she asked of you, you’d protect Billy until you knew what had happened for sure. I can do that, even if he… even if the Castles… I can… You stepped into the room, hand going to your mouth as you saw him, lying on his back in the bed, his head and shoulders slightly elevated. From the shoulders up, Billy was entirely wrapped in bandages, only his eyes and mouth visible, the skin surrounding them a deep purple color. He’s so swollen, I can see it from here, he’s… you stepped closer, noticing that his wrists were handcuffed to the bars on the bed railings, and you knew that even though he was covered with blankets, his legs were likely restrained, too. He’s not going anywhere, he’s… You stepped closer to the bed, eyes moving over his body and lingering on the bandages, the way that you could see that they were soaked through near where his ear would be, orange and red and yellow seeping through the thick cotton gauze. 

 “H...hey, Billy.” You were finally next to him, looking down at the man in the bed. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, I just…” You stopped talking, biting your lip. “What did you do, Russo? Why did…” You shook your head, eyes leaving his face long enough to look at the monitors, noting the steady beeps as they reached your ears. “Frank said…” You swallowed. “You never took me off your emergency contact list, hmm?” You smiled down at him, reaching out to touch his arm, running your fingers over the exposed skin. “You gotta wake up, Billy. Wake up so you can explain yourself, so you can tell them, so you can tell me…” You shook your head, unwilling to believe what your heart was telling you. Frank wouldn’t have done this unless he was sure, and Billy… Billy knew something was, he did something, he said… “You gotta explain this to me, Billy, you said that I’d understand, but I don’t, I don’t know what... I -”

 “That’s enough.” You turned, seeing that Madani was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed. “You’ve seen him, you know he’s alive, you’ve seen what his lies cost him, now it’s time for you to -”

 “What happened to him?” You turned your attention back to Billy, ignoring the woman’s protests as your fingers tightened on his hand, hs unresponsive fingers wrapped in your own. “Who did this to him, why is he bandaged like -”

 “You know who did this to him.” She spat the words at you, and you heard her step closer. “And I think you know exactly why he did it, too.” She moved to the opposite side of the bed that you were standing on, her own hand reaching out to touch Billy, one of her fingertips tracing over the bandages on his face. Don’t touch him. “Such a good looking guy before, hmm?” She met your eyes and you saw fire in them, an anger that she was barely keeping reined in. “You should see the pictures from during the surgery, they tried their best, but no one’s going to want to look at him when he wakes up.” She pressed down hard against the cotton, fingers digging into it, but Billy didn’t react. Stop. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see it as she leaned down, closer to Billy’s ear, her words quiet but loud enough for him - and presumably for you - to hear. “Not anymore. No more pretty boy looks, Russo. You got what you deserved, asshole.” She laughed. “And I’m gonna be here when you wake up to remind you.” Madani straightened up, looking back at you and replacing the scowl with a fake, bright smile. “Come on, let’s go talk. The room next door is free.” 

 She strode away from Billy’s bed and to the door, and in the moments it took her to do so, you moved, leaning over Billy’s body and letting your lips fall on the visible skin of his right eyelid, both hands gripping the railing for balance. “I love you, Billy. You gotta wake up.” You pressed your forehead against his for a split second and then you stood, turning away from the bed and followed Madani out the door. Taking your bag from the officer when he handed it to you, you squared your shoulders and glared at the small woman’s back. Let’s get this over with. 

 You followed her into the hospital room next door to Billy’s, and were unsurprised to see that the bed had been moved out of it, replaced with a single small table. There was a laptop on it, plugged into the wall, along with a stack of papers and file folders. You saw Billy’s name, saw Frank’s, saw yours, and even as Madani gestured for you to sit down, your eyes moved over everything, heart beating erratically. “D...Dinah.” You swallowed, looking over the table at the small woman, unsure of what to say. “I…” You shook your head, trying to collect your thoughts, but all you could think about were the blood soaked bandages on the side of his face, the coolness of the backs of his fingers against your palm, the way even his lips had been swollen. “Thank you.” You looked down and then back at her, nodding. “I don’t know what he did to you. I wasn’t lying when I said that I hadn’t had any contact with him when you came to my apartment, and so I don’t know much about what Billy’s been up to, but I… whatever he did? That’s not the Billy I knew, and it… it means a lot that you let me…” 

 “William Russo.” She cut you off. “Middle name unknown, born in Albany to a woman named Carla, gave him her own last name because there was no father.” You pressed your lips together, going silent. His middle name is Donovan, you bitch. “Went through a slew of foster homes and group homes, average student, nothing special, joined the Marines when he turned eighteen.” You nodded, narrowing her eyes. “Sound familiar?”

 “I was with him for nearly three years, Dinah. We might not have been official for all of it, but -” She shuffled papers around, not looking up at you again.

 “Met Frank Castle after a few years and the two of them became friends.” I guess you don’t want me to speak, so… “The Castles adopted poor little orphan Billy Russo into their family when Lisa was young, kept him around even after Frank Jr. was born.” What’s the point of this? “Long story short, the life of a Marine wasn’t ever going to be enough for William Russo.” She flipped a page, still not looking up at you. “Last tour of duty, he chose money over ‘family’, money over… well, over you.” Dinah finally looked up, one eyebrow raised. “He betrayed Frank and his family for money.” You fought to keep your face expressionless, hoping you succeeded. “He opened Anvil with dirty money, was using it as a front to help soldiers smuggle heroin into the country, and then when that wasn’t enough? He had to make a mark, had to be visible.” Dinah leaned in. “What’s better business then doing whatever it takes to increase the need for the type of protection his company so conveniently offered?” What? “Russo and Wilson worked together to bomb the city and make people afraid. He wanted US contracts, wanted to grow Anvil, wanted to…” She sneered. “He killed my partner when we got too close to him, and then pretended like he…” Dinah shook her head again before her eyes met yours. “He lied about it, to my face, to my… when we were…” You thought he cared about you, you… 

 “How does that have anything to do with Maria and the kids?” Your voice was quiet, and Dinah looked surprised for a moment,  but recovered quickly. “It was gang related, they were -”

 “Was it?” She cocked her head to the side. “Makes you wonder what Frank and Billy were up to overseas, doesn’t it?” But Frank said you were helping him, why would you if he… this doesn’t make sense. “Billy chose his own life over the Castles, he protected himself instead of protecting them, it’s a good thing you got out alive, isn’t it?” Dinah tapped the table but you felt yourself freeze, remembering what Billy had said the night he’d left you the first time. “You have no idea what I’ve had to do to get here, to this moment. You have no idea what I’ve had to sacrifice, what I’m gonna lose.” Blinking, you stared at Dinah, but she was silent. What you were going to lose? Did you know, Billy? Did… “What do you remember?” She wet her lips, staring at you. “You’ll thank me… just let me go.” 

 “I remember everything, Dinah.” You shook your head. “I just can’t…” Your eyes closing, you recalled the way Billy had looked at you the night he’d last been in your apartment. “None of it was what I wanted.  They weren’t ever supposed to be a part of it, I had to do it for you.” “What you’re saying to me doesn’t make sense, Billy wouldn’t -”

 “Billy Russo slept with me for information. He killed my partner, and then he shot me in the head to protect himself, just like he stood by and let Frank Castle’s entire family die. He lied to me the entire time we… ” She slammed her hand on the table, and you jumped at the sudden noise. “He deserves whatever happens to him, and Frank should have killed him when he had the chance, but he left him alive so that Billy has to live with -”

 “He can’t live with it if he’s in a goddamn coma, Dinah.” Your voice was icy, eyes narrowed. “Who knows what he remembers or what he’s thinking or -” You’re just… he did what? Her words were finally sinking in, and you leaned back, watching her. Sure, Dinah was angry, but if Billy had done what she said he had, she had every right to be mad. What did he need information about?  “Your anger isn’t going to do any good if he’s... “ You gestured to the room Billy was in, feeling your eyes fill with tears. “He’s a man, Dinah, and he…”

 “You can’t justify this.” She shook her head, and for a moment, she looked at you with actual warmth in her eyes, trying to endear you to her. “You can’t justify what he did to me, to Frank, to the Castles, to Stein... or to you.” She tapped her fingers on the table, the other hand holding her chin as she rested her elbow on the surface of it. “Billy Russo is a… a…” She grimaced, shaking her head. “He’s going to wish he never met me, wish he never met Frank.” I’m sure he already does. You looked down, suddenly needing to leave the room, to be anywhere but with her. 

 “I need to…” You stood, shaking your head. “I need to go, Dinah, I…” 

 “Of course.” She smiled up at you, tilting her head to the side and blinking quickly. “If he wakes up, you’ll need to… we’ll be giving you a call. I’m sure your testimony will prove useful for…” She smiled, and it was a real one. “For my case against him.” Your heart pounding, you turned and walked away from her, pausing at the door. Wait a second. 

 “Agent Madani?” You turned back toward her. “Billy doesn’t have any family, and so…” You waited. “Who was his first contact? I… you have to know, I’m sure you’ve looked at the -”

 “Frank Castle is listed as Billy’s primary contact, luckily for us.” You sucked in a breath and watched as Dinah’s eyes lit up as you put two and two together. No. 

 “Frank?” She nodded, barely able to keep the smile off of her face. “He… You called him? You?” 

 “No.” Dinah stood, her fingertips splayed on the table as she leaned forward. “No, he was right here in the same hospital, we didn’t even need to call him.” Without saying another word, you turned and left the room, pausing in front of Billy’s windows and looking in at the man, trying to ignore the police officers standing in front of his door. What did you do, Billy? Despite what Madani had said, what Frank had told you and what you knew to be true of Billy, you were still having an issue reconciling everything. He didn’t. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. You frowned, reaching up to touch the glass with your fingertips for a moment. Would he? 

 --- 

 After leaving the hospital, you didn’t go home right away, instead going for a long walk to try and clear your head. You found yourself in Central Park, taking the pathway toward the carousel, not knowing what you’d see. I didn’t even come here after… The area was blocked off, police tape stretched around the entire plaza, even though it had been mostly cleaned up. Taking a seat on the row of benches that faced the structure itself, you drew your knees up to your chest and hugged them, chin resting on top of one. You stared at the carousel, watching the tape fluttering in the wind, and imagined what it had been like less than a week prior - Billy and Frank going at it with each other in the dark, the two men spilling each other’s blood over the carved ponies. 

 The versions of events that Madani and Frank told didn’t match up, and even though both of them hadn’t told you much, what they’d said was mostly contradictory. Madani hadn’t mentioned Frank and Billy’s superiors being involved - but Frank had talked about killing them, killing everyone involved, as he’d put it. If a member of Homeland and Colonel Schoonover were involved…. Rawlins… why would Billy have needed to make people afraid? Your eyes closed, you took a deep breath, thinking. Frank knew them, knew they all, he … “Fuck.” You swore, eyes wide. “That’s why… that’s why Billy came home early, they were… he…” You lowered your feet to the ground, still staring at the unmoving horses in front of you. You’d known that Frank and Billy got caught up in something when they were in Afghanistan, but what you didn’t know was what they’d been involved in. It started over there, started with… He’d told you that he’d only done what he had to do, what they had to do, and you’d seen it on his face and heard it in his voice - the last deployment was different. What happened? What did you bring home? 

 There was a disconnect; something had happened between Billy’s return home and him ending things with you. Madani and Frank had both likely been right about Anvil’s opening, which meant that you’d been paid with… Don’t think about that. You didn’t know, you didn’t do anything wrong. But they’d been transparent about the things they were doing - the training sessions and groups that they’d taken in, the plans Billy had shown you made sense. “I did it for you.” You shook your head, feeling your eyes fill with tears. Did what for me, Billy? What did you… “I don’t understand, Billy.” You shook your head, the tears falling freely, and while you knew that you likely looked insane, sitting on a bench and crying in public, you couldn’t stop. I wish you could tell me, I wish… You sat straight up, suddenly remembering. His eyes, he… “All I have to give you is the truth.” You stood, wiping at your face. He looked at the box, the box he brought, he… While you didn’t know what you’d find when opening it, one of the last things he’d said to you was that it contained the truth. Whatever that might be. 

--- 

 You locked the door behind you, not bothering to turn any of the lights on at first, even though it was dark in your apartment. I need to… Stepping over to the kitchen table, you leaned over, flipping the switch closest to you and bathing the room in a soft light as you lowered yourself into the chair that you’d always sat in, hands flat on the surface of the table as you stared at the box. “It’s just a box.” Your voice was loud in the silent apartment, but you shook your head, blinking back tears. “Probably just more stuff that I left there, that he didn’t…” But you knew that that wasn’t the case. Billy wouldn’t have come over to say goodbye, bringing the box with him if it was just meaningless items. He said it’s the truth, so what… what is… You reached out, both hands on the sides of the box and slid it closer to you, still closing your eyes. Wait. Take pictures. Of everything. 

 It might have been that you watched too many true crime documentaries, or maybe it was that you had a glimmer of hope that there would be something you could use to help Billy in the box, but you scrambled for your phone, taking pictures of the box from different angles - making sure to document the smear of Billy’s blood on the side  of it - and then setting the camera up so that you could record the opening of it. If it’s got something in it, anything that can help, I have to… You steeled yourself, taking a deep breath, and then used one of your knives to slice open the tape on the top of the box. There was no indication of what the box was, who it was from, and yet as soon as the tape had been cut, you smelled Billy again - in full force. “Fuck, Russo.” You steeled yourself, methodically taking things out of the large box and setting them off to the side as your eyes moved over them. There were clothes in it - t shirts and hoodies, the pair of sweats that he’d never let you borrow, but that you still wore whenever you could - all of them doused in his scent, and though you kept it together as the material slipped through your fingers, it was difficult. Why did you want me to have these things, Billy? We’re not… 

 But beneath the clothes, things got interesting. You grabbed your phone, recording the contents and then set it back down, frowning. What is all this? There were more boxes - a few different sizes, envelopes, a small fireproof box that you realized you’d need a key to open… and beneath them was a laptop that you recognized as Billy’s. He… this is his… You knew how few meaningful possessions Billy owned, and it seemed as if he’d given them all to you. And I don’t even know what’s inside these, I… You picked up the envelope with your name on it first, tracing over the inked lines on the front of it - in his handwriting - and opened it quickly. I need to know. 

 There was nothing in the envelope except a checkbook and a debit card - with your name on it. What the fuck? You flipped the card over; your signature was on the back, though you’d never seen it before. What is this? Opening the checkbook showed you a staggering number of deposits into the account, and as your eyes scanned them, you noticed a recurring payment amount from every month. That’s my rent, what… You made it to the end of the list, dropping the booklet onto the table and covering your mouth. That’s almost a million dollars, what is… how is he… what is this? But without explanation, you understood nothing, continuing to work your way through the items. Another of the small boxes contained mementos from your relationship with Billy - pictures and movie ticket stubs, receipts, the typical things that people kept when they were with people and in love with them. He kept these… for over a year, he didn’t… You sifted through them, seeing the memories of you and Billy that you’d kept, too, but most of your things were packed away, save for a few of the pictures  - including the one that was at the bottom of the box. 

 Lifting it, you closed your eyes to keep the tears contained before flipping it over to see that there was a zoo ticket stub taped to the back of it. This was the first one, the day that we… The picture was creased and worn, the edges rough, and you knew that it had been the one that he took with him overseas, that he’d kept with him at all times. You paused, glancing up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath. He did love me, the whole time. He did… You wiped at your eyes, tidying up the things that you’d already removed from the large box and pushing them away from you to clear space. As you refolded the sweat pants, a small key fell from one pocket and you picked it up, eyes moving to the fireproof box. This has to be it, it has to be… 

 The key fit, and you let out a shuddering breath as you pushed the top of the box open. “Jesus, Billy.” The box was one that you’d seen before in his apartment, and you weren’t surprised to see that the same documents were still in it - his birth certificate, his social security card, passport, military papers - along with boxes that, when you opened them, contained the ribbons and badges that had once adorned his dress uniform. “Oh my God.” The tears fell freely when you saw the small pieces, and you ran your fingers over them, not knowing what they all meant, not knowing the exact significance of them, but understanding in an instant that Billy had never expected to make it through the night he’d gone to meet Frank. He wanted someone to… he wanted his memory to… Billy had left you his legacy - everything that he’d worked for throughout his entire military career - and everything that, in the same vein, he’d abandoned if Frank and Madani had been correct in the things they’d told you about him. Beneath all of that in the box, though, were two additional items: the ipod that you’d purchased for him the first Christmas that you’d been together, and his cell phone. Why hasn’t it rung? It’s been in here for five days, why hasn’t it… But it was off - and when you pushed the power button, waiting, you sucked in a breath at the picture that loaded as Billy’s lock screen - him, in the outfit he’d worn the last time you’d seen him. He was holding a piece of paper in his hands, in front of a mirror in a bathroom that you’d never seen before, and there was a single word written on it. Crown? What… You pressed the home button, and the password request came up. Oh, shit. Did he?

 With shaking fingers, you typed in the word, and Billy’s phone unlocked, immediately connecting to the WiFi in your apartment. You felt like a voyeur, tapping on the different folders and icons on Billy’s phone, opening his call log and his messages, seeing her name in the list, along with other frequent contacts - Frank and Rawlins and… he gave me everything. You didn’t know what to look for, where to begin, but you were struck with the realization that if Billy had given you the password to the phone, he’d likely done the same with the computer, too. You set the phone down, still surprised that no messages or calls had come in, and pulled the laptop from the bottom of the box, opening it. Laying face up on the keyboard was one of the cards from the book you’d given him for Valentine’s Day - the 101st, and it was enough to make you cry all over again. 

 I just love you. Four words, included as the very last page, and it was something you knew that he hadn’t heard much in his life, at least from meaningful sources. The rest of the booklet had been a mixture of serious and funny, but that last card was the most important - and it was the one that he’d given back to you, creased and browned much like the zoo picture, but it also featured a small smear of blood on the bottom right corner - an almost perfect fingerprint.  You picked it up from the other side, looking at it through a haze of tears, and thought back to the last time you’d heard his voice. “I loved you too much.” Either Billy was playing a long con - and had started planning whatever this was months ago - or he’d realized that he had to plan carefully as things were happening, because he did, in fact, love you and want to protect you. But from what? What would he… 

 Pressing the power button, you waited until the computer booted, typing in the same password that had worked on the phone, and were rewarded with Billy’s desktop opening in front of you, numerous folders with various names - Rawlins, Cerberus, Frank, Madani, Bennett - and descriptions - Call Logs, Email Attachments, Scans, Bank - lined up on the lefthand side of the screen. But there was one folder in the center of the black screen, alone, and it was labeled with your name. You leaned back in your chair, staring, and after a few moments of disbelief, you clicked on it. 

 It was filled with files and videos, along with a single text document that was labeled “Read First”.  Guess I should… Clicking on it, you waited until the document opened, seeing the words on the screen. 

 Hey, you. I know this all makes no sense to you right now, but it will. Everything on this laptop and in my phone is real. It’s all here, from beginning to end, everything that I could get my hands on. Might not do any good for me now, but at least you’ll know.  Watch the stuff in here in order. Remember what I told you. You’re safe now, and that’s all that matters.

 I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t know what else to do.

· 

Billy

· 

 His words were still confusing, but you felt a sense of calm as you read through them, almost hearing his voice in your ear, reciting them to you. Closing the note, you hovered the mouse over the earliest dated video - from the night that you’d broken up, and then hesitated. Do I want to know? Do I need to know? The answer was a yes, and you knew that there was no way you could have ever convinced yourself to not watch whatever he’d given you. Goddamn you, Russo. 

 The video started playing, and you stared wordlessly at the screen, leaning in. Billy sat in his apartment’s kitchen, hands clasped together on the table in front of him, but he wasn’t looking at the screen, he was looking off to the left. He’s wearing the … that’s what he was here in… “So.” He said the single word and then turned to face the camera. He’s been crying. “So I just came back from your apartment.” You watched Billy shake his head, using one large hand to swipe at his face, lip curling into a snarl. “I just broke up with you, and I hate myself for it.”

 ---

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[something-tofightfor]

Firestarter (Drabble #14)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1777

Rating: M (Language, talk of murder)

Author’s Note: I like this side of Billy, and giving him a girl that’s gonna deal with it - and not judge. Please enjoy, @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes ... and thank you for the request! 

 “I’m going to go and get some firewood.” Billy sniffed, standing up and wiping his hands on his jeans. “Can I have the keys?” You rolled your eyes but stood as well, reaching into the backpack that was next to your tent and fishing out the keys for Billy. 

 “No you’re not. We’re in the middle of the woods, Billy. There’s plenty of firewood here. You don’t need the keys.” Billy’s tongue darted out, and his face smoothed into that impassive look you knew all too well. “Where are you going, Russo?” He shook his head. 

 “You know I can’t tell you that.” Billy stepped closer, his hands moving to your waist as he lowered his face next to yours, mouth moving against your ear. “The less you know, the better.”  Dammit. You’d figured that Billy agreeing to go camping with you as long as he could pick the place meant that he was on assignment again, but you hadn’t ever imagined that he’d leave to take care of business. “I’ll be back in an hour, and then how about we see if we can pop that air mattress of yours, hmm?” You nodded before he’d even stopped speaking, and Billy stepped away from you, eyes moving over your face in the fading light. 

 “Be careful, Billy.” He locked eyes with you and offered a smile, the expression pulling at the edges of the large scars on his cheeks and the ones on his nose. You loved him just the same both before and after the accident, but the times when he let his guard down, let himself react naturally to things instead of hiding his emotions were the times when those feelings were the strongest - and this was one of them. 

 “I always am.” He leaned in, lips finding yours quickly. “An hour.” He nipped at your nose as he stood, spinning on his heel and climbing into the driver’s seat of your car before slowly backing down the dirt road and turning so that the car disappeared into the woods. After you could no longer see the taillights, you went back to what you had been doing, mind racing. 

 You knew that there were aspects of Billy’s job that he didn’t talk about - things that he did with and for and to people that he was paid well for. These things didn’t bother you, because while they weren’t exactly legal, Billy had learned his lesson while in the Marine Corps, and refused to do business with anyone that wasn’t fully trusted by the people that mattered the most to him: Frank, Curtis and David Lieberman. The three of them were more deadly than an entire army, and while Frank and Billy were hotheaded and quick to act, Curtis was their voice of reason - and David was the brains of the operation. Things had been tense for a while, especially after Billy had gone against his own better judgement and warned Frank about the incoming attack by the people behind Cerberus, finding a way to do so without tipping any of the wrong people off. You’d needed to go off the grid, leaving New York (and Billy) for nearly a year with Maria and the kids while he and Frank took care of things with the help of Curtis and David, whose own family had been shuttled off on an extended vacation as well. 

 Frank, Billy and Curtis had systematically eliminated Schoonover, Morty Bennett and Carson Wolf, but Rawlins had been the real issue, and the three men hadn’t been able to save everyone involved in that mess. Though you weren’t allowed any direct contact with Billy or Frank, you’d kept tabs on the things that happened, anxiously awaiting a headline telling you that something terrible had happened. Plenty of Homeland agents had lost their lives, including partners Sam Stein and Dinah Madani, who had been tasked with finding Frank and keeping tabs on Billy, who was operating as usual, running Anvil from out in the open and figuring that his status would protect him - along with playing double agent between his own operation and the US-based Cerberus unit. 

 It had worn him down both physically and mentally, and that’s why, when moving in on Rawlins for the final time, Billy had been caught off guard and injured severely, requiring months of care in the hospital. You and Maria had headed back to New York as soon as it was safe, and the recovery had been slow - even for Frank, but with the bulk of his Anvil fortune, the four men had come out on top, and their names were often whispered among the military elite… which is how they continued to get their side work on top of the legitimate business that they ran. 

 Billy and Frank would often disappear for unexplained periods of time - sometimes together, more often not, but always watching each other’s backs - and you and Maria had long ago learned not to ask questions, but that didn’t make it easier. You knew that what they did ‘off the clock’ was dangerous, but you also knew that they’d never let anything happen to each other; Billy’s risk had proven him loyal in Frank’s mind, and that was more than enough motivation. 

 The sound of a car pulling up startled you out of your thoughts, and you put down the mug you’d been drinking from, shielding your eyes from the headlights before they were cut off and the car came to a stop. That was fast. Billy stepped out of the driver’s side, wordlessly turning around to the back door and opening it, pulling out a bundle of firewood. “Told you I was going to get some wood,” he said as he walked toward you, arms full. “Did I make it back within the hour?” You glanced down at your watch and nodded, smiling as you stood and walked to his side. He’d changed between leaving and coming back, and as you reached out to put your arms around him, you gave him a once over. “Let’s get this fire started.” 

 Billy busied himself next to the fire pit, arranging the branches and lighting the kindling, and in no time, he had a large fire going. “We gonna roast marshmallows, Russo?” With a laugh, Billy shook his head, moving back to the car and popping the trunk. 

 “No, but I’ve got some other stuff to add to this fire.” He carried a small bundle toward the flames, kneeling and as he passed you, you got a whiff of a coppery smell. Those are his clothes, and they’re covered in blood. Even as he slowly peeled the pieces apart and laid them atop the flames, one at a time, you felt your heart beating faster. 

 “Billy, are you hurt?” It wasn’t until he added the shirt that he’d been wearing, a long sleeved one in black that  you saw the smears of red on his skin - bright against his forearms, which were exposed in the dark blue sweatshirt he’d changed into. “There’s so much blood, it’s….” 

 “Not mine, I’m fine.” His tone was clipped, but you didn’t detect pain in it, and you moved next to Billy, crouching down in the dirt alongside him. “Had to get a little closer than usual, but it’s nothing to worry about.” He turned to you, finally setting down the pants he’d been wearing and waiting until the flames were licking over the fabric to turn to you. “Frankie ‘n I made enough tonight to buy you a house in the Catskills.” He looked down at his hand, making sure there was no blood on it before he reached up, pushing the hair away from your face. “If that’s what you still want.” Who did you kill, Billy Russo? But you didn’t want to know, couldn’t  know, since it would mean being in it with him - though you already were. That’s a lot of money. “Yeah, it is.” 

 “I didn’t realize that I said that out loud.” You smiled at him and Billy wrinkled his nose, leaning in. “But I do want that, Billy. Sometime, with you.” He kissed you on the mouth, tongue smoothly sliding past your lips and into your mouth as he held your head with his clean hand, kissing you deeply. “Shit, Billy.” You were breathless when he pulled back, eyes on yours for long moments - black as the darkness surrounding the two of you, but full of emotion - and you shook your head. “What was that for?” 

 “For bein’ there for me no matter what. Most people wouldn’t stick it out knowin’ what I’m doin’.” His accent was always more pronounced when he came back from his missions and he was keyed up, but this was different than usual, and you could see his chest heaving. “But you do, and you will, and I think… I know what that means to me.” He shook his head, looking back at the fire, where the pants and shirt were still slowly turning into nothing more than ash. “I love you. I know I didn’ tell you that much before, but I do. I did. And I always will, too.” 

 You didn’t know what to say, and after a moment, you watched as he used one of the metal rods that you’d brought with you to stoke the fire to prod at the logs, causing the flames to grow. He reached over, adding another large piece, which caught almost immediately. “Billy, when you’re… satisfied with the way those are burning, I’ll be in the tent.” He stayed silent for a few minutes as you stood, unzipping your hoodie and tossing it onto the fire as well. He jerked his head upward, but before he spoke, you did, shrugging your shoulders. “Now we can say we had to burn some clothes and it won’t be a lie. We can say we got skunked or something.” As your hoodie caught, the flames dancing and casting shadows across Billy’s face, he stood and looked down at his arms, taking a deep breath. 

 “Let me go and wash this shit off of my skin, and then we’re gonna go and destroy that air mattress.” His words chilled you - but in a good way, and you grinned at him, lifting your shirt over your head as you turned away, hearing the hiss of his breath as he saw that you were already braless. “You’re in for it tonight,” he called after you, voice thick with arousal. “You have no idea.” 

 As you unzipped the tent flaps and ducked in, you fought back a laugh. Oh, I have a pretty good idea.

---