#take care of the people w mental issues in ur life. especially if it's u ❤️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

golbrocklovely · 2 years ago

Note

Unpopular opinion, i think fans are really mean towards Sam and there's not such a big reason behind it. He really wants to help people in his own way and just because his way of coming out with a piece of advice or a way to offer some kind of support is just different from Colby's, that doesn't make him less caring than Colby

Also, i don't understand why people hate on his dumb and wise newsletter or whatever u wanna call it because there aren't many influences who take their time to do something like that (i mean starting from scratch and managing to come out with something, cuz forwarding emails is easy afterwards) and also takes time to find things that might come in handy for fans who need that piece of advice. If Sam does this, even if it's a lot of Internet information and his side notes in that email, he did something good, tho unnecessary, a money grabbing brand. But if Colby comes on Snapchat and starts talking about life, he's a role model and he's so amazing and look how nicely he responds to questions and how nicely he speaks. Colby is way too overrated when doing the bare minimum any influencer should do, like staying in touch with fans and talking about mental health and anxiety and problems that don't go away by clapping ur hands. I appreciate a lot the fact that he talks about this stuff, don't get me wrong, especially because Sam and Colby are 2 of a small number of influences who address these important topics, but when they're both trying to answer their fan's questions or even talk about it how well they can, why try to make a difference between them? One might have a certain pov, while the other one has another pov and that should be alright. Any topic should be seen from more povs, it's not just colby who's right, it's not just sam who's right and u can't stay sam hasn't been through depressive episodes and bad anxiety. If he doesn't talk about these things is strictly his choice, but u can't say that he sounds cold and very objective when talking about stuff because "he didn't go through it"

This thing is literally like u and ur best friend giving the same answer in class but ur best friend gets the credit because "she's prettier"

Where i use u, I'm not talking about u 😂💜

this is so fucking long of a response to you. omg, i apparently have a lot of opinions lol

well, i can only speak on my behalf and say how i feel about the advice both boys give.

while i love the boys a lot, i do think sometimes their advice isn't as universal as they make it seem. i think that sometimes their lack of acknowledgement towards their own privilege makes it hard to want to listen to them. bc they give out advice and think that it will work for everyone listening, when that's just not the case. i do think over the years they gotten better at recognizing when their advice can help and where it can't, but they still struggle to realize that (especially for neurodivergent ppl) their advice doesn't go as deep as it could. or that in general, their advice isn't as prolific as they believe it to be.

like with metalife. one of the major problems i had with it is that a lot of their advice was basic or surface level. a lot of their philosophies weren't that deep. hell, most of the things they said on that site they said on the life project first, so they were just repeating themselves at that point. and while it's great that that worked for some ppl, i think it's also fine to admit that it doesn't work for most fans, especially those dealing with deeper issues. but that's okay. i don't expect snc to have the answers to my mental health issues. they aren't professionals. but i think another major problem was just the fact that anytime they gave advice, it was hard to listen to it knowing that they haven't lived a 10th of the life i have. i don't wish for them to struggle like i have, but when they are miles above me in every which way, it's hard to listen.

as for the split between sam and colby, again, i think it has a lot to do with how they sound. and while sam is genuinely trying to help, i do think that sometimes his words don't quite hit the mark. i think sam has a tendency to just repeat what other ppl say just bc that advice worked for him. which is fine, bc realistically none of us have original thoughts anymore lol, but if the advice was barely advice in the first place…. repeating it and putting your own spin on it lessen it's value.

i think there is also this out of touch attitude that sam can get that colby for the most part doesn't have. like, when sam wrote about not living for your vacations in the dumb and wise email….. like, bro, in this economy? you're telling ppl not to live for vacations, as if they can even get one in the first place?????? you just sound out of touch. i get what he was going for, but there are better ways to have said it. and he makes himself more out of touch by looking up to musk and bezos. i get it, you're a business man. but there is no ethical way to make billions of dollars. and then to keep it all??? even worse. and to top all of that off, he never apologizes for upsetting fans. he'll just ignore things until ppl forget or stop talking about it altogether. and while i get that for some situations, doing it all the time doesn't work. it makes it sound like he doesn't want to listen to fans.

also, i just gotta add this in bc i just remembered it, he has this vibe/attitude/whatever of "feel less, work more". he's surrounds himself in so much business but does little to no introspective work. he doesn't allow himself to feel, and would rather be busy all the time. but that doesn't work for anyone, let alone him. and i think that if he would allow himself to either work thru his emotions or just…. feel for once, he might be able to give good advice.

and while i say all of this, i still genuinely love sam. i can love him and still be annoyed at him tho. both things can be true. bc on a basic level, i feel like he does try his best to give the advice he thinks will work, but it comes across a bit pretentious bc he doesn't recognize his own privilege. and his dumb and wise emails, if i even read them in the first place, i just kinda shrug off and go about my day. sometimes i read them and think "oh that's good advice" but for the most part, i don't pay attention to them.

and as for colby, i think (and i know, at least, i feel this way) a lot of ppl relate to him more than they do sam. maybe it's bc sam is extremely closed off so we don't know as much about him as we do colby. maybe for some ppl (even tho they'll never admit it) they just generally find colby more attractive than sam and thus are more likely to listen to him. who knows, who cares. for me, colby comes in with advice that at least shows hesitancy. he outright refuses to answer questions about mental health problems, and tells those that need help to seek professionals. i don't think i've ever heard sam do that. maybe he just ignores those questions and instead goes for ones he thinks he can answers, maybe i just don't remember him doing what colby does. either way, colby tells does that, and then any of the advice he does gives, he follows it up by saying "this may not work for you, but this is what worked for me" and that alone puts him above sam in my book for giving advice.

that hesitancy shows a more realistic side to him than sam. sam comes in with a certain tone that's just very matter-of-factly, that there's no way he's wrong. colby, bc he's cautious about what he says or at least understands that his words may not help, shows that he acknowledges what he saying. he's not just regurgitating something someone else said in a book he read.

and i think as much as colby claims to be private or closed off, he tells a lot more than he shows. i don't think he realizes how much stuff he's actually told fans, and just that bit of vulnerability helps to make a connection. that's why i believe he probably does struggle with depression and, at the very least, anxiety. he's shown us what he's like after being super anxious all day. he's told us the stories of needing to take tums everyday at school. and as for the depression, which i know is just an assumption on my part, there are things he has said in the past (like not being able to leave his couch for weeks on end, like feeling like he was on autopilot, like isolating himself from ppl when he's feeling bad) that makes me believe he has struggled with depression without realizing it bc those are things i went thru as well. and that, i think, helps fans connect with him more. if sam struggles the same way colby does, we wouldn't know bc he doesn't tell us. and i get that he has every right to his privacy and that he doesn't have to tell us that information. but bc colby has, with or without his own knowledge, means ppl connect with him more and want to listen to his advice.

all of this being said, if you don't agree with me, totally fine. you might relate to what sam says more. that's great. if his advice works for you, please listen to it and use it. i'm just saying it doesn't work that way for me, but that's okay. i don't look at sam as less than bc of it. i still love sam. he's just a bit annoying sometimes lol

#ask #personal #sam and colby

8 notes · View notes

demonicintegrity · 2 years ago

Note

just wanted to pop in and say that, as a non-ww fan who's been on almost all possible sides of the allegations (been sxually groomed, become codependent on someone w/o their intent, + had sm1 codependent on me w/o my intent), i fully agree w yr take! i get why ppl were/might still be sus due to how the screenshots r presented but even taking all the evidence at face value it doesn't seem "cancel" worthy.

i don't doubt op's feelings + ik how intense it can feel when ur codependent on sm1 but not enough ppl know it can happen w/o the other person cultivating it. ww could have recognized the iffyness of getting involved w a fan in that way + been more understanding of ops mental illness tho often its hard 4 ppl to comprehend how much sm1 else idolizes them esp if they're a small local celeb. it rly seems 2 me like a mutually toxic relationship w real hurt on both ends.

i rly truly feel 4 the op + understand how he was hurt by ww's actions, i hope he can heal n grow from it. it's also so common for ppl w codependent tendencies to feel like they're less at fault for their unhealthy relationships n that's a huge problem that causes these cycles to repeat. but the arguing abt how u can't be groomed if 18+ or a SW (or even naturally tend to be codependent) only hurts real ppl who have been thru it.

i hate 2 see all the victim blaming n debunking n hate toward op! but i think any misrepresentation was a result of his hurt + effect it truly did have on him. ultimately it shouldve stayed private + i find the idea of canceling sm1 due to having an overall unhealthy relationship in the past unsettling. sorry this is so long + thanks 4 putting a sympathetic and logical voice out there!

You’re good nonny, and my thoughts exactly. Op was clearly hurt by this relationship and I will never ever deny him that. I want him to find peace and get better. But how he presented the evidence just doesn’t show any sort of intentional abuse. I’m not saying it’s not possible, the story as he presented it doesn’t even paint Will as that bad of a guy.

I get that Op doesn’t care about listening to Will’s music and it’s more about protecting people from the person, but as I said in the post, the only lesson I gleaned was “watch your codependency and communication issues.” It was never about cancelling, (which is such a stupid fucking fake concept of how consequences are dealt with but that’s a separate discussion.) it was about preventing more hurt and I think that’s a good stand Op is trying to take. A noble one, especially since he opened up during a spiral to do so.

Honestly I think the screenshots of former bandmates saying Will was an asshole holds more weight against his character than Op’s original claims. I still don’t know what exactly my conclusion of it is, because I know nothing about Will’s life let alone his bandmates so I’m still piecing the picture. I put a link to those in the replies of my original post.

I just feel so exceptionally blind and in the dark regarding all this because I have literally only heard Will speak outside of listening to his music once, and that’s because I came across an old stand up clip unintentionally on YouTube. I truly know absolutely nothing about the band as people and that’s why I keep holding my judgments until smth “more concrete” even if realistically these are probably the mostly the evidence will go.

But yea, the absolutely nasty response Op has gotten is awful. It’s partially why I wrote the post, hoping people would learn to have more sympathy for him. I don’t want to assume intentional foul play from him (outside of posting the nude, which is illegal and wrong and unnecessary.) because I know the talks of whether or not said pic was doctored are around, as well as how legitimate the insta convos are and smth about the timeline math. I’m not involving myself in any of that because I am not the person to deduce those kinds of things. For sake of giving Op the benefit of the doubt, I’m assuming this things are legitimate and the slip ups (like how I pointed the change of social media in the post) we’re just genuine human slip ups.

As you said, the derogatory remarks around Op are practically worse the Op’s original claim. Perpetuating an idea that only a certain type of person can experience abuse is very wrong and dangerous. Even I think as the story stands now it wasn’t abuse, I would never say op or anyone in a similar place isn’t capable of being abused. I worry about how that narrative could take off.

#will wood #ask #discourse

10 notes · View notes

petri808 · 3 years ago

Note

hiii i am absolutely obsessed with ur drabbles could u please do nalu #4 and #39 pls🥺

“Walk out that door and we’re through” + “Please come home, I miss you”

This was tough cause the questions could trigger a story similar to this one I also did for these prompt asks round. But I think I can make it different enough, albeit angst hell 😅 here we go! It’s a little rushed but longer then I expected for a ficlet lol

“Lucy,” Natsu knocked at the office door, “it’s time to go.”

“Where?” She answered without looking up.

“Levy’s birthday party.”

“Oh!” Lucy sat up in her desk chair and turned her body to face her husband. “Right! I forgot. Um, shucks, but I’m on a writing high right now and I can’t stop— tell her I’ll make it up to her, will ya?”

She always says that… Natsu sighed, “yeah, sure…”

Levy Redfox was Lucy’s childhood best friend and while the woman was also his friend, it just didn’t sit well with Natsu that she’d choose writing over the woman. But this had been an ongoing issue lately... Don’t get him wrong, he fully supported his wife’s career as an author, especially now that it’s really starting to take off. The issue was it had consumed her at the expense of everyone around her.

He knocked on their friends door, answered by Levy herself.

“Natsu!” Levy hugged the man excitedly, but when she noticed he was alone, frowned a tad. “Again, huh?”

“I’m sorry, Levy,” Natsu’s shoulders slumped. “Lucy’s in a,” he made quotation marks in the air, “‘writing high,’ and said she’ll make it up to you.”

“Well, I’m glad you came,” the woman smiled despite the sadness hiding behind her eyes.

All of their closest friends were in attendance and spent the evening talking, eating, and playing a few fun birthday games. It distracted him to some extent, but as the night wore down and the other guests had all left, Natsu, his best friend Gray Fullbuster, Levy, and her husband Gajeel sat around in the living room talking about the elephant in the room. Lucy.

“I’ve tried talking to her,” Levy said quietly, “but, I try not to make it sound too harsh.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what you need to do babe,” Gajeel chimed in. “Be blunt.”

“Yeah, I’m like you,” Natsu agreed with Levy. “It’s not easy to bring it up cause she’s oblivious about it.”

“But it’s hurting your marriage man!” Gray looked at Natsu. “And your friendship,” he switched to Levy. “I’m with Gajeel. If you aren’t honest with her, it’s not gonna get better.”

“Think I don’t know that?!” Natsu spat back. “Think I enjoy being the only one in that house in pain?! I don’t, but—” his voice cracked, “I’m worried I’ll push her away if I say something.”

“She’s already pushing you away dude. Do you still love her?”

“Of course, I do,” Natsu sighed. “I love her more than anything, but apparently it’s not enough… we haven’t even… you know, I can’t remember the last time.”

“Wow… Then you really gotta tell her. All of it,” Gray coaxed.

Levy who’d sat quietly through the back and forth, chimed in quietly. “Gray’s right. You should tell her, when you go home, just tell her how you’re feeling. And whatever happens, happens. We can just hope for the best.”

“You know you’ll be the first to hear from her if I do,” Natsu pointed out.

“I know. But… it’s time I come clean too.”

Natsu slumped back onto the couch and let out a depressed exhale. “And you,” he looked to Gray. “You know if it goes wrong I’ll be showing up at your door.”

“My couch has your name on it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

That had to be the longest drive home Natsu had ever taken, even though it was really just 10 minutes. He was a physical person by nature and never been very good at expressing his feelings in words. Words were his wife’s domain. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but his biggest fear was saying things wrong. With his hand on the doorknob, Natsu took one last breath and opened the door to her office. He knew before entering, Lucy was still working by the clacks of the keyboard and interrupting would immediately cause friction. But he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I’m home,” Natsu called out… with no response. He sighed and spoke more sternly. “Lucy. I’m home.”

“Oh, welcome home,” she finally responded. “How was the party?”

He knew it was an empty question, because she never even looked up or stopped typing and it meant she wasn’t really listening. “Lucy… we need to talk.”

“I’m kinda busy Natsu.”

“I know, but you’re always busy Lucy. That’s part of the problem.” The moment the last word came out, Natsu knew instantly he’d picked the wrong one. Crap.

Lucy stopped typing, turned off the screen and shut the laptop. “Problem?” She turned the chair around with her eyes narrowed in a focused glare. “What do you mean, problem?”

“Lucy,” he ran a hand down his face, “I don’t want to fight, but we need to talk— there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

“Like what?” She crossed her arms. “What is so important that you need to mess with my job?”

There it was.

“I’m not trying to do that,” he sighed. “You know how proud I am of your career. But, it feels as if you’re choosing your career over everything else in your life. Me, your friends, we’re all just being pushed aside—”

“Are you kidding me?!” Lucy shot out of her chair shaking in anger. “I am not doing any of that! I’m not pushing anyone away! Y-You’re the one who’s acting selfish trying to tell me I’m not giving you enough attention! And don’t you bring Levy into this! If this was bothering her she’d tell me!”

“It does bother her! But she’s afraid of getting,” he gestured with his hands up and down at Lucy, “this reaction! Is it selfish to want to spend some time with my own wife?!” Natsu growled. “We never spend time together anymore! You’re just always hunched over that damn computer!”

“I’m doing my job!” Lucy shrieked. “I have deadlines to meet! This story ain’t gonna write itself! Research ain’t gonna materialize on its own! It’s a lot of work!”

“Lucy,” Natsu pinched his brows together, trying hard to stop from snapping further as well as to control the tears building in his eyes. “I love you, more than anything in this world, but I don’t know what happened to the woman I’d married. The old Lucy wouldn’t abandon her loved ones like this.”

“You’re just mad because I’m successful now.”

“That’s bullshit! And you know it! No job is worth losing the people you care about, and if you can’t understand that, then, I don’t know what else to say!”

“Then I guess there isn’t anything more to say,” she spat back.

“I guess not.” Natsu answered softly, turned and left the room.

He’d already assumed confronting Lucy about her precious career would not end well, and he was right. Staying would only cause more trouble. So, he quietly packed a suitcase to go to Gray’s house, making sure to bring anything he’d need because he had no idea how long he’d stay there. He’d said his peace; it really was all in Lucy’s hands now.

Back in her office, Lucy dropped back down into her chair as the full weight of what just transpired hit her like a ton of bricks. She cradled her face in her hands as the anger that had fueled her response suddenly mixed with sadness. Tears flowed free. Did that really just happen?! She could hear Natsu moving around in the bedroom, the opening of drawers, the closet, the zipping sound of the suitcase, each and every step driving a knife deeper and deeper. How dare he tell her to stop writing! This was her dream! Her livelihood! Why couldn’t he just support her instead of acting like a child who wasn’t getting attention!

When she heard Natsu walking towards the front door area, Lucy raced out of the room to confront him one last time.

“Walk out that door and we’re through!” She screamed. “Do you hear me? We’re through!”

Natsu ignored her words knowing it was the anger talking… hoping it was just the emotions fueling her rage. “I’ll be at Gray’s,” he simply responded with a hint of sadness in his tone. “You should really think long and hard about this Lucy, because if not, you’ll lose a lot more than you realize.” And with that, he closed the front door behind him.

Lucy crumpled to the ground and wailed— raged, banging the floor with her fists as the sobbing overtook her. She truly could not understand what brought this on. Hadn’t she been a good wife?! Faithful! Hard working! What more did he want?! All she was doing was trying to make it in the cut-throat world of publishing. Does he not understand how hard it is to make it in that world?! She pulled her phone from her pocket and started to dial Levy’s phone number. But just as she got to the last two numbers, she stopped. It was already 1 am, and it would be rude to wake her friend up. Lucy sniffled and hung her head in shame before dragging herself back towards the bedroom. She’ll just call in the morning.

When Levy answered the phone, Lucy was slightly taken aback by the response. Not a hello, just a, ‘I wondered when you’d call.’ Evidently the woman was expecting it, but she was too tired to let it add to her problems. She hadn’t slept much after Natsu left— no surprise. She was still angry, but also confused, sad, and just mentally drained of life. Her friend agreed to come over in a bit, so Lucy dragged herself into the shower hoping it would make her feel better.

“Wow, you don’t look good,” Levy remarked at her friend.

“Hi to you too,” Lucy mumbled as she moved to the side to let her friend in. “Who would after a fight?”

Once settled on the couch, Levy went straight to the point before Lucy could even begin. “I already know what this is about. I know Natsu’s side, so start with yours.”

“Wow— okay, well—” Lucy pulled her legs up and tucked them underneath her body in a protective mode. “He tried to tell me to stop writing and I thought that was bullshit,” she said bluntly.

Levy’s brow raised. “Is that exactly what he said? To stop writing?”

“W-Well no, but that what he implied!”

“What did he say exactly?”

Lucy looked away, a scowl growing on her face and to hide the renewed moisture in her eyes. “He said I’m pushing everyone away.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“No! I’m not choosing my career over everyone! It’s ridiculous to even imply that I would!”

“Lu, do you still love your husband?”

“Of course, I love him!”

“Are you sure he knows you still love him?”

“I—” Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and sunk further into the couch mumbling. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”

“I can tell you, he doesn’t. Lu, you’ve pushed all of us away.”

“So, you’re taking his side?!”

“No. I’m giving you reality. You’ve been wrapped up in your fictional world so much that you’ve forgotten this one and the real people in it.”

“I—” Lucy turned away to hide the tears slowly starting to trickle down her face. “I never meant to…”

“I know…” Levy placed a hand on her friends leg. “Lu, we all know. He knows, but he’s hurting and it’s in your power to fix this.”

“But how?! I can’t just stop writing. I have deadlines and— you know, its a lot of work to put a story together.”

“You have to find a balance. Right?” Levy coaxed. “You have to take breaks. You have to relax sometimes. Natsu’s not asking you to stop, and he knows there will be times you really can’t stop. But it can’t be all the time, and right now it’s all the time.”

“I know…”

“Girl when was the last time you…” Levy wiggled her brows and grinned. “You know.”

Lucy blushed. “Too long.”

“Well?!” Levy laughed. “Are you finally getting our point?”

“Yeah,” Lucy sighed. “I got tunneled vision.”

Levy leaned in, adding pressured from the hand on Lucy’s leg and a softening in her voice. “And it put your marriage in jeopardy. But it’s not too late to fix it.”

The tears exploded from Lucy. “I told him… when he left, I-I told him don’t come back.” She buried her face in her hands as the sobbing took control. “I-I was screaming at him… so angry, I just lost it and—”

Levy pulled Lucy into a hug. “Shhh,” she held tight. “I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean it. Shh, it’s okay. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But you can still get him back, I’m certain of it.”

“H-how?!” Lucy sobbed into Levy’s shoulder. “He’s gotta be so mad at me!”

“Hun, Natsu’s more sad then mad. He needs to feel like you still love him.” Levy pulled away and cupped Lucy’s cheeks, staring, searching the woman’s eyes. “Can you tell him you love him?”

“I can tell him I love him,” Lucy sniffled.

“Then go tell him that!” She hugged her friend. “You’ll be okay Lu, you two are meant to last.”

“Thanks, Levy.”

“He’s at Gray’s right? Want me to drive you?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Levy smiled. “Now clean up a bit, I’ll wait in the car.”

The whole ride over to Gray’s house was the most nerve wracking experience in Lucy’s life. As she sat there huddled in Levy’s passenger seat, all the ways she could ever apologize tried to funnel through her head. She was a writer, and yet for the first time in a long time, all the words dried up or mashed together like a broken verse. Levy did her best to keep Lucy calm, reminding her that it’s all about being honest— just let your heart do the talking for once and not her head.

“You got this,” Levy patted Lucy’s shoulder before she exited the vehicle.

Lucy sure hoped she did. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds ticked by and with each chime, all the weight and worry crept closer to sending her over. He was mad. Too mad. He probably won’t answer…

Finally someone did. “You came?” Natsu’s voice was soft and low, his eyes still bloodshot and worn.

“I came,” Lucy hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry— F-For everything, Natsu please come home, I miss you. I love you more than my job, and I’m gonna make it up to you.”

“You always say that Lucy…”

Ouch. Straight through her heart. The tears broke free again as her knees weakened, causing her to fall against him. Natsu caught her, and she clung to him, gripped to his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please come home! I love you! Natsu please come home! I can change! I promise I’ll change!”

That’s when she felt his hold truly tighten around her body and his head come to rest against her own. Lucy sobbed harder from the acceptance, pouring her heart in her words. “I love you… I love you so much, I’m so sorry….”

Natsu cradled her head and closed his eyes, voice soft with an upbeat to its tone. “Now there’s the woman I married.”

He held Lucy tightly until her sobbing slowed, eventually pulling away just enough to wipe the tear trails away. “Shall we go home now?”

Lucy nodded. “Please….”

#fairy tail #nalu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu au #nalu fan fic #nalu ficlet #nalu fan fiction #angst #asks and answers

67 notes · View notes

littlebabycrybtch · 4 years ago

Text

oh my god im sorry but i HATE reading analysis discourse so fuckgin much. its so annoying and unnecessary and cruel bc per usual ableists just Scream over everyone and manipulate the view by focusing on the wrong points. disrespect towards this issue is never gonna work and yall would get that if you actually listened to the way the (usually nd) people felt about it and why, but ur too busy mocking them so you look good for consuming the Proper Medias tm. i mean you literally have to know this isnt productive, yall keep going bc you get a kick out of laughing at ‘unintelligent’ people.

‘uu ur teachers didnt oppress u by making u read to kill a mockingbird instead of the hunger games” ok listen 1. media you dont personally care abt can still definitely hold depthful value and be analyzed. oh my god lmao. the people who prefer ~that kind~ of media arent stupid and dont prefer easy thinking, its your own fault for Not looking into it yourself and just assuming its worthless, literally judging a book by its cover. LITERALLY avoiding the analysis skills you claim to have by assuming anything you read in highschool = smart, valuable and anything mainstream = stupid and useless. most books inherently contain symbolism and morals, a lot of these people CAN understand it, theyre just criticizing the inaccessibility of the writing that was forced on them academically. the people analyzing those medias instead of your favs are still taking in lessons even if they prefer to do it in a different format, i mean for instance THG is literally about fucking classism and racism and war you dumb hypocritical tunnel vision bitch, young adult media usually has a Lot of real world parallels in it that very much pertains to how teens see the world, thats the literal POINT, just cuz ur too elitist and dont respect children enough doesnt mean some books are ‘too stupid’ to analyze with any real social value, and 2. A BOOK NOT BEING EXCITING... OR EASY TO UNDERSTAND... IS LITERALLY SMTH VALID TO CRITICIZE IN MANY CASES, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE GIVING IT TO CHILDREN.... if a kid says “this is boring/too long/uses words that i dont know, so i cant make any sense of it” that doesnt always mean theyre lazy or w/e, if its not a book made for kids (bc kids can understand mature themes but that doesnt. mean you can just throw all the other skills they arent experienced with yet at them, they still need writing tailored to them), Thats your first problem, but sometimes ur book is just fucking boring all together. a book can have as much symbolism as it wants, if its not there to open the mind and provide necessary depth, but to feel self important and make you feel self important for getting it, thats not a good book. and with books i do respect now like TKAM i remember outright saying, “i literally cannot read this and dont get it at all” at like 10 yrs old, and my teachers didnt do shit to explain it or help me or give me any skills at all, they were just like. :) keep trying!! according to your scores we know you can do it!!! so, i did not keep trying, i gave up, and i guarantee if it had been a few years later it would have been easier. if i had been given the opportunity to read stories with similar morals that were made for my age range that i WANTED to read, i guarantee i wouldve gotten so much more out of that. but i was literally DISALLOWED, bro if i grabbed a book that actually interested me, i was told i couldnt check it out at ALL unless it was in the ‘range’ i was assigned, which was college level since i was in 4th grade. so if you think i shouldve kept reading, im being unironic rn, you need to go get a degree, become a teacher, and if a kid or teen says to you what i said, sit them down and TEACH THEM without shame, and fight for better regulations of what reading levels can be pushed on what age groups. if lit analysis is this important to you, FUCKING TEACH IT PROPERLY, that is literally the ONLY REAL SOLUTION to the problem you have, NOT SHAMING the people who were ALREADY FAILED BY THE SYSTEM.

the problem is not ‘idiots think symbolism is stupid’ the problem has ALWAYS been ‘the education system is flawed and how and when children are taught certain skills is so corrupted and damaging, the children growing up with it cannot Help but struggle later in life, and your issue should be with the system”. like can i be real. learn how to Emotionally ~analyze~ posts from sad kids with mental illnesses saying smth as basic as “i wish i wasnt forced to read mature books as a child without any themes pertaining to me at all bc it hurt my already fragile motivations for learning :/” without your ass getting defensive over the classics. bitches stan ‘the door is red to symbolize anger’ but think thg is just a stupid dystopia love triangle book................ ur not even that smart like yall are just elitist like LITERALLY just elitist if you mock the values ppl see in other books and claim theyre too stupid to understand ~real books~. a fucking mickey mouse cartoon could hold the exact same moral lesson as a 1200 page novel written by a college professor of 30 years, like the Exact Same Conclusions CAN be drawn no matter how many words and analogies and metaphors are thrown on top!! for many those fancy details make it more enriching but its literally possible to get the same concepts from “EASIER” material, that is not Lesser it is ACCESSIBLE and it should be ENCOURAGED all the same. yall are gatekeeping and its stupid, if you actually want ppl to analyze media then you’d applaud how they analyze their passions even when you dont share it, not shame them for struggling with understanding other stories. this rly boils down to either ‘i hate ppls preferences and wanna make them feel stupid’ OR the ever so lovely ‘i hate whiny disabled ppl and kids who were pressured to the point of burnout, and wanna make them feel stupid’. its fucking exhausting. idc how you guys feel, you talk to hear yourselves talk and its all just talk and nothing helpful, your disrespect doesnt work bc its an echo of the root problem. for gods sake shut up already lmao

5 notes · View notes

tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

Text

mtmte liveblog issues 4&5

its delphi time babey

I'm sorry but drift & co look like such fuckin nerds on their scooter things on the cover lmaooo

oh god. seeing the first page just reminded me of how horribly confused i was for this whole little arc the first time i read it. i was like ok, who are all these new characters, and also why does everyone look so similar

anyways now i now what's going on. i love first aid

love the running continuity of rung being the literal only psychologist on cybertron (except for fr*id but that's later). no wonder everyone's fucked up they all have to share a single therapist

ok i find it extremely funny that first aid was demoted from doctor to nurse, as if that's a thing that happens EVER - I mean it'd be one thing if first aid was a nurse practitioner (which i doubt is a position that exists here), at least that demotion would make sense, but like...the doctors i work with don't know how to do most nurse stuff (like BP, cathing, vaccinations, hell even using some of the thermometers - that's all stuff nurses/etc do), so demoting one to a nurse would be a disaster (just like promoting a really good nurse to a doctor would be a bad idea). anyways i know I'm being pedantic but it Be like that when you work in the medical field and read something that has medicine-related stuff in it

i love swerve giving ratchet the tiniest free drink ever lmaooo

is that skids being a rowdy drunk in the bg lmaoooo

unironically i love medical statistics. keep it comin

i love magnus’s giant sternal chestpiece thing. its like a bird’s sternum but without the massive pec muscles attached

i love magnus and rodimus’s dynamic so much

oh pipes....im so sorry but this fun space adventure is going to be not so much fun for you

ratchets ideologies are certainly interesting, and i liked seeing how they changed over the course of the story

drift: why would i be SCARED of the DJD, I've got a SWORD, two swords even,

hvbhajkhfbsdjkf pipes really said ‘oi, you two - what's this, then?’ that's the most british fucking thing, that's literally something i say when I'm doing an overexaggerated british accent, oh my god,

PIPES IS SUCH A TINY DUMBASS. ILY SIR BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

aaaand now you're covered in dead bodies, pipes. look at your life, look at your choices

drift epic sword moments

drift confirmed for the kinda weird guy who has katanas that he uses to like, cut up fruit and water bottles in his backyard while rodimus films him

‘i thought i heard...bickering’ lmaooooo

ah, so its covid

this arc is how i feel working in healthcare lmaooo especially now that i probably have covid

so rewind condensed the entire war into an 11 second long cringe compilation. nice

seeing the mechanical stuff past tailgate’s visor is so cool

poor tailgate, this guy is getting slammed with history from multiple sides. and like, bias is inevitable in ANY sort of recounting of events, especially controversial historical events, so poor tg just kinda has to take it all in and decide who to listen to

that’s...not really how immunity works, guys. also, you shouldn't be exposed to so much disease with proper ppe usage

is there even such thing as ppe in the transformers universe?? there are fluid- and contact-transmitted illnesses, so there SHOULD be

is there even OSHA in this universe??????? unbelievable

first aid, holding a giant fucking claw clamp: we haven't tried EVERYTHING............

first aid read a human wikihow article on how to jumpstart a car and took notes

i love tailgate’s ‘mom says its my turn on the xbox’ pose

tailgate has a point - he’s from pre-war times, where things weren't as grey so of course he would try to divide the two sides into ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’

CYCLONUS BE NICE DONT HIT UR FUTURE HUSBAND

go get some character development and then maybe you'll feel better

seeing the word quarantine is making me twitchy w/my possible month-long complete isolation quarantine on the horizon

drift pulling his swords on pipes and ratchet pushing down drift’s arms...lmao

poor pipes...even tho this is completely his fault, its still rough

also jesus, pharma and ratchet look so goddamn similar, reading this was so confusing the first time around

drifts idea of subduing pipes involves turning into a cool car and also posing with his sword

also. never gonna be over drift’s massive thighs. jesus man

ooof now drift has the rona. ouch

poor drift, his covid realization is getting overshadowed by pharma being flung around

first aid bustin thru w/the epic medical nipple clamps and some Big Boi Backup

ok that's an epic pre-beatdown speech from fort max right there, daym

im just gonna continue on w/issue 5 now for continuity’s sake. yay!

the cover of tailgate in magnus’s autobot school is so cute

and we open with an incredible shot of fort max str8 up ripping a guy in half. i mean, to be fair, he DID just give an epic speech about how much he was gonna do that, and he certainly followed thru

yeahhhhh, fort max is not doing so well atm

when he puts that dudes head in his chest vent thing and then snaps it shut....man

also i fucking LOVE when their faces are shaded all in black w/only the eyes/mouth fully drawn...fantastic stuff

ratchet: phew i am not equipped to deal w/this level of Fucked Up Mental Trauma. u good m8?

ratchet is already writing up a referral to rung for fort max as this is happening

drift is just laying on the ground dying like, oh hey yeahh I'm still here too

i fucking love when punctuation is drawn in story - like here where first aid has a little ? over his head....fav

ratchet holding drifts hand ;_;

ok tbh ambulon having switched sides 10 yrs ago is wild bc like, 10 years is barely any time for these guys, especially in a war that lasted 4 million years. that would be like a human switching sides in a war like, 3 months before it ends. probably. i sense some math bs, I'm just extrapolating here

all that mexican standoff shit is going down and first aid is just like But That's None Of My Business

ah so ambulon is an asymptomatic carrier

and there's first aid with the save! iconic

pharma calling ratchet ‘buddy’ hbvakjdsbfhkasdf

ooooh i love that they figured it out - and i love that twist, that transforming is what triggers the start of symptoms. remember when drift turned into a cool car? yep

s/o to Ambulon Transformers for helping me in my medical terminology courses, bc now ill always remember: Leg(tm)

also this explanation makes a ton more sense (in universe, at least) than the whole ‘i guess we as medical staff have been exposed to enough Germz that we’re more immune to this or something’ theory

ah, i love the meaningless (to me) alien robot medical jargon

drift and ratchet hhhhhhhhh

‘I'm too wide’ fort max L O R G E

also once again drift is forgotten in favor of a bunch of other dramatic stuff happening vbhjksdfbjhskdf

godddd i love tailgates little flashbacks where we see how Important and Special he is, complete with his ‘bomb disposal’ arm label...augh its so good!

and tailgate’s autopedia page even reflects his lies! like, did tailgate go edit that first thing upon waking up??? seriously, I'm fascinated by tailgate’s meticulous dedication to his fake life

also the fact that ultra magnus believes everything he read on autopedia is amazing lmao

ultra magnus: you think somebody would just go on the internet and tell lies?

fuckgin love magnus’s long ass name/title placard

tailgate hvbahjkdfbjhaskf i mean, he’s gotten the abridged version of everything else, of course he would assume that’d be the case here too...but not on magnus’s watch

magnus cant even say ‘fun’ hvukdasdbjfkjsadf i love my uptight law dad

love rung implying that upon questioning, he would easily divulge a patient’s name and maybe even information about said patient’s treatment while under him....love the disregard for patient confidentiality and hipaa in general

not that hipaa seems to exist here, at least not in a fully realized form

also i mean the above genuinely, i think rung’s tendency towards at least slight malpractice is very interesting

poor red alert....super bad luck that HE was the guy to get roped up in that overlord business

I'm glad that, at the very least, red alert was able to prove that he was Actually hearing something to rung, rather than get brushed off completely

god magnus and tailgate’s interactions are golden

also tg is much more sarcastic/quippy than anyone gives him credit for tbh

‘thought warfare,’ ultra magnus says with complete seriousness. god i fucking love this comic

now i can tell pharma apart from ratchet bc pharma has let his true Petty Bitch nature emerge and you can see it in his expressions

the whole ‘tarn is addicted to transforming’ thing didn't really go anywhere, right? i feel like i noticed that on my second readthru as well

also pharma is such an interesting character given the context of him like, trying to strike a bargain w/the djd to keep them from destroying delphi, but that arrangement inevitably kinda making him lose it as the situation escalates. he’s also just really entertaining bc i feel like he kins the joker or st and probably gets into really heated arguments w/people on twitter about just abt anything

‘sound bomb’ i love this comic

another important facet of pharma’s character becomes clear around this time as well - how he’s really into ratchet. i also choose to read them as awful exes tbh, it makes their dynamic even more entertaining

‘killmaster, with the wand’ is one of my favorite running remarks lmao

also, was killmaster even a character before mtmte? or, if he was, was he an important one? it would crack me up the most if he literally didn't exist at all, but any way you spin it is still funny

ratchet’s tiny humansona facing off against pharma is wild

‘I'm miles from anyone i truly care about’ brutal, ratchet, drift is dying like 2 floors away (im p sure)

SUDDENLY DRIFT IS HERE, ACTUALLY

oh don't worry first aid, that sure isn't the last we’ll be seeing of pharma

so like, did first aid save everyone by posting that data log to his wreckers fan blog or something? lmao love it

i love the pretty fucked up reveal of ratchet having stolen pharma’s hands. like, damn dude.

and that wraps up the delphi arc! our first true ‘arc’ of mtmte, and a fantastic one at that. short and snappy and fresh, with some very clever writing and cool new characters, and a lot of great plot threads to be picked up later. plus, we got to see the beginnings of drift and ratchet’s whole thing (and ratchet and pharmas whole thing). and the lost light gets some much needed extra medical staff, so everyone wins!

well, we’ll see how fort max feels about this all pretty soon.....

#lj rereads mtmte #love me some delphi

2 notes · View notes

jksingingfirstlove · 4 years ago

Text

woah time to document stuff for future me. in a past post, i mentioned how distance from family makes my mental health better and how i feel like i wont be able to move out on my own since my experience is so low and i feel rly dependent on others. well, future me, ur at a point in ur life where u dont feel that as hard!! go you :)

i moved out to an apartment w a couple of friends since its my senior yr of college. obv, not a great financial decision, but i feel fulfilled and i think i wouldve regretted it if i hadnt. honestly, if covid was gone and school was still online i wouldve been fine w living w my parents - i wouldve been able to hang out w friends, study at libraries/coffee shops, etc. but bc of covid i wasn't able to do those things, so moving out has allowed me to study in a new-ish place, and hang out w the friends i live w. and im able to concentrate on all my work instead of family issues.

i still dont have much experience, but i got a job and research position in stuff semi-related to what i want to do in the future (tech)! so that's helped me feel a bit better (if nothing else, having an income again for the first time in a year just feels really good). and i still feel dependent on others, as many ppl do, but in july something changed that has made me feel more prepared than ever to enter post-grad life:

i got my license!!!!!!!! finally, after 2 years of cancelling appointments and broken tail lights, lol. i genuinely feel as though not having my license was the main thing that made me feel dependent on others. i still don't have a car or drive much, but just knowing that i have the option to not have to rely on others makes me so happy!!

so anyway, those were the updates. now on to what i initially was going to write about: feeling overwhelmed. i did this all to myself, and honestly im glad to be have said yes to so many of these opportunities. but it doesn't stop me from feeling as though im doing poorly in a lot of stuff. i have midterms this week for all of my classes and i havent watched most of the lectures. i need to catch up on work for my job. i need to finish projects for my 2 extracurricular programs. and on top of that all, i want to be there for my friends

my friends matter a lot to me. and they've been going through a lot this year. i never want to pull the "im too busy to give u time" card bc i know that what matters most to me in life are the people i love. but god, i feel so tired and busy all the fricking time.

ive noticed it with my apartment mates especially. their classes have been going a lot slower than mine have, for some reason, so i feel like im constantly shutting myself in to my room to finish work while they are able to hang out. im not jealous or anything bc im so introverted i need that space, but i cant wait to feel less busy.

i think im someone who is outwardly super optimistic. i keep my struggles private, except with my sisters. its not a good thing, but i think i dont rly let my friends be the sort of supportive friend that i am to them, u know? i always schedule rant sessions and fts and make time when im worried about them. and i never want them to worry about me.

anyway, long post over. future me, i hope u are happy. i hope u take care of urself. i hope u continue to put the people u love first.

#personal

1 note · View note

gg-astrology · 5 years ago

Note

heyy! one of my friends is a cap sun/merc/venus/mars + a virgo moon and talking to him can get so EXHAUSTING and it's not just me saying this, a lot of other people i know say the same thing but i'm looking through the astrology point of view and i wanted to hear your thoughts on it. also is it true that virgo moons can be emotionally detached/have trouble expressing their emotions or does that depend on their other placements?

hey there! 💙🖤❤️ i totally get what you mean, I know someone like that too.. but I have to say this, once again, (as a precaution) try not form opinions of the sign/placements based on bad experiences. Just moving forward, in order to learn techniques and stuff properly. This is just a precaution to keep in mind?

About and For the Virgo Moon Person ⬇️

🚫long post 🚫

So…how do i say this.. virgo moons… they think alot because they want to help? that’s their mode of caring?

In a way, being useful/thinking logically is how they provide help for others. Even if people don’t like them, virgo moon’s detachment stems more bc they care about others than an actual detachment/isolation itself (i.e. see aquarius detachment as well, but of a different kind than virgo).

I think it’s that kind of thing y know - like, detaching ur emotions so u can still offer objectives first. But in a way they also like to over-analyze and over-think a lot of stuff. Especially emotions and how to deal with it/process it moving forward. I think that’s why a part of the archetype is those of a giver and ultimately self-sacrificial, because they will put other priorities before themselves - whether it’s people, objectives, or getting their views across to help the situation.

Even if they bury or suppress their own sensitivity and emotions a lot of the time in order to do that (provide help/offer assistance/support). It’s a good idea to keep in mind that they are burying it underneath.

Let’s look at it from their perspective for a second - you’ve probably already realized this (or if not, it’s never a bad thing to look at it again and maybe realize how empathetic they can be) - they process emotions themselves very logically, so when others come to them for help - they tend to give advice/reflect that back in the same manner, without getting too attached to the emotional side of things (being capable vs being too emotional).

However, they ARE sensitive to the environment - to people around them + what is sourced. If they can’t identify the problem/isn’t sensitive to that - then they wouldn’t be able to offer any advice regarding it. It’s good to keep in mind, that the moon receives energy from others. So when their advice is criticized, thrown away, hurled back or hurled at them. They may hide behind a mask of indifference (bc, again, logic and understanding rationally that not everyone can like you) – but it does still hurt.

That kind of creates a loop contributing to how they suppress or have difficulties occasionally with expressing themselves, or letting themselves talk about stuff freely. Because as much as they want to help - sometimes they think they’re not translating well, or is not helpful to others, the idea of what they’re giving being the opposite of helpful - wasteful or a burden - sometimes repels them too (more like, ‘if it repels them personally it would repel others as well’. That’s how they’d think about it.)

So. You can imagine what that would be like if you’re stuck in a loop of trying to be the Best Version of Yourself Possible (that you think is needed/that you’re proud of or accepted yourself as) but not being actually accepted by others - it’s kind of a hard life to have?? Virgo/Pisces have this thing where being accepted is nice, is what makes it - ultimately fulfilling. They have a role in the universe and a function - and sometimes it’s just hitting and hitting a metal bar until something fits - whether its a place, person, environment, life. That’s when it’s truly ok to feel accepted.

I guess the best way to say this is that Virgos can think sometimes that emotions get in the way - which can be true - of fixing things. And that’s how they function?

I can totally understand your frustration - especially if the person has a lot of Capricorn as well (wanting to be right, prideful, wanting to be Good and the Best even if they can be low-key about it!) - but, again, this is just very earthian. And ultimately - if you’re asking for my perspective, they deserve some empathy. They’re not? really doing harm to anyone. And sometimes it’s just that.

I don’t blame the person altogether, I think it’s an everyone’s problem where no one’s developed or doing well enough to accept each other which is a? thing that happens sometimes in groups and maturity (the idea of developing). A boat is being balanced, someone needs more help than others because they’re rocking it with their own personal problems - but it takes a team to actually keep it together and not throw them overboard.

You don’t have to be friends with those you know you can’t handle right now, I’m just saying 1. look out for yourself, your own boundaries and mental well-being 2. hopefully this will help with empathizing with the person in question a little bit more. At least keeping in mind that they have their own perspective and emotional stuff too. and 3. If things don’t work out right now - don’t worry about it. Time is a long long journey, and people can grow and change - doesn’t mean you have to be there or be obligated to that.

Anyways, as an ending note I just wanted to say I do think Earth moons all kind of have similar problems with opening up - but emotional detachment doesn’t mean they don’t have emotions inside. It’s good to keep that in mind!

If you need any advice on how to help this Virgo Moon person - usually offering detailed and logical advice right back analyzing the topic (whatever it is, like, hey lets talk about boundaries, or hey lets talk about how we both want to be treated?) tends to help. I think they’d appreciate it, just as long as it remains neutral and not a personal attack/direct criticism. They’re still a mutable earth sign, so they CAN get slippery if the tone isn’t right skkskskskkd but - otherwise, I think just spelling it out to them on how to DO stuff that you (and others) are comfortable with is nice.

The problem with this combination is that they don’t KNOW if nobody teaches them. They don’t know what people expect, what other people require, they’re trying to do their best figuring it out themselves and trying to provide from their own perspective. Feedback really helps, but done so in a way that’s like proposing a new concept to discuss/discover together. Rather than a criticism of how shitty they made someone feel.

I hope this helps?? 💙🖤❤️ Again, if you’re interested in learning about this astrologically - try not to have prejudice by learning archetypes of these signs. It tends to help, alongside the placements.

I think most of the time we’re trying to line up our experience with what we’ve learnt, simultaneously at the same time. But sometimes we miscalculate and turn into our experiences over-blinding what we should learn. I recommend reading up on what the planet does as well - if you’re looking into further details about the topic! As it tends to help.

Right.. so. Hm! I can’t take all the credit for this myself, since I did have a long discussion with my friend who’s an Aquarius/Virgo. I think they’re very empathetic, and it helped me a lot with how I wanted to form this answer. So I’m gonna add in some excerpt incase it helps:

Aquarius/Virgo friend:

“i process emotions w a logical approach and when ppl for some come to me for help I’m v much able to help them and give them advice without getting emotionally attached at all? this sounds bad bc it sounds like im not emotionally supporting the person truly nhhhdh yeah it can be useful for advice and knowing how to go on from a bad situation nd move on but it’s not always ideal since. duh. feelings r made to… be felt.. properly”

“but emotionally detached like FR…. idk man…. i think we care a lot abt people, we always want to help nd we’re not ok if they’re not. virgos r actually v sensitive to their environment and how others r feeling as well”

“and true i do feel like all earth signs have issues w expressing emotions. they’re grounded nd they know themselves… so they all think they’re self sufficient. or want to be or whatever. but ofc it’s not true y'all do need somEone sometimes. but its hard bc everyone relies on earth signs i think… so yeah”

“take good care of Virgos. we’re sensitive. we need love. we want people to like and need us. we’ve been through more than u know. yes i will process that you don’t like me logically but i do care deep down, I’ll just bury it so I don’t stop being logical. bye”

“also as u know we’re really good over analyzers nd over thinkers nd w that being said pls reply u were typing but didnt send did i say something wrong i hope i didnt but i idk idk what I’m talking about but am i dumb??? reply plsssksskkjsjd where are u… but then we never send these despite thinking them bc it’s an earth sign supposed 2 be cool for everyone nd grounded all the time”

So! 💙🖤❤️ They’re kind of worriers! 💙🖤❤️ But they’re pretty harmless and nice once they learn how to relax and be chill a little bit more. I guess I’m saying sometimes you just gotta sit a cap/virgo down and be like my dude… mayhaps not?? and be done with it!! 💙🖤❤️ I hope this helps! 💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️

#astrology asks #virgo moon #cap/virgo #damn all that cap...#no wonder #caps are EXHAUSTING bc theyre serious about everything #i talk about caps being funny and fun loving #but sometimes like myself?? personally??#i know i take things unexpectedly seriously #esp with virgos bc we want to be the best or like #put our best foot forward #anyways #anon #asks

45 notes · View notes

kinktae · 5 years ago

Note

what were NOT gonna do is drag rose into this, when she obviously isn’t involved in the situation.

Anonymous said: Please don’t let that anon get to you rose! If you want this to be your happy place then we should all respect that. I see why they might feel that way but it’s not for us to decide how you deal with the situation

bigbangtansonyeondan said: Ew that anon is so gross. Rose is not even involved aside from just knowing the people. We all have friends who done shit and do shit and it’s your personal choice whether to stick with them and shape them up or ditch them. No judgement here Rose. Don’t let stinky anons mess with your happy place.

Anonymous said: hey u don’t have to post this but the other anon was really insensitive about the situation especially when u just mentioned u were going through anxiety. like do THEY agree with their family and friends 100% of the time? no, no one does and people can make mistakes. also they don’t know the situation behind the scenes and only see what’s posted online

Anonymous said: Disregard all the anons telling u to stop being friends with ur friends!! This whole thing is just messy and has many sides let’s just all be happy and hope this is settled / will settle soon

Anonymous said: People stop dragging Rose into the arguement. It was not her that made the mistake, and you can’t tell her to break her friendships, because that’s not your decision to make. It’s hers! Anyway… search up anxiety relief(ver) on spotify. You’ll find a few good playlists with songs that will help you sooth your anxiety. Love you ❤❤

Anonymous said: Im really sorry you have been suffering with anxiety at the moment.I know how you feel I’ve been through some tough times recently. But don’t worry i will get better.🥺🥰

Anonymous said: Hey! I hope you’re doing ok w this whole drama bs! I hope to see it resolved soon and honestly fuck ppl who are trying to drag u into it!!! It has nothing to do w u! I wanna spiritually give you a hug and a lil kiss on the head 💖 bc ur too sweet for this world (despite writing Amazing smut) I hope the rest of your week goes better!Anonymous said: Hi i am just here to send you some love. I know there was a messed up situation involving your friends but ultimately it’s not your place to worry about it. You have made your feelings clear and the rest is between them and that person. People need to get off the cancel bus and chill for a sec about issues that aren’t theirs, and stop dragging bystanders like yourself into the mix. Try to focus on you, on calm, happy and safe places. Lots of love 💕

bl00bts said: ok that last anon better back the fuck off. ‘If you don’t denounce their actions then you agree with them’. What A-class bullshit. Listen, your friends, yeah they sound like assholes but they’re still your friends. I can’t force you to not hang out with them, you guys are close. They’re very important in your life, I completely understand that. I just hope that you recognize that what they did wasn’t okay. Honestly, you shouldn’t be dragged into this, you weren’t doing anything wrong.

Anonymous said: hihi, you don’t have to respond to this, this is just for your solace. i don’t think you did anything wrong with all that’s happening. your friends are their own persons who make their own decisions and behave in the manner they choose. being friends with them doesn’t mean you agree with or condone their actions, and i can see how hard this must be for you because people expect you to take sides. i hope you can catch a break and your anxieties easy away :( ❤️

Anonymous said: i just want to say that i’m so sorry that people are giving you a bunch of shit on things that you have no control over. i honestly have no idea what’s going on and i really don’t want to know but i just want to say don’t listen to them and please don’t let them get to you 💜

Anonymous said: (this is continuing the other ask) but like how are u gonna call someone a clown and essentially insult them if that’s what u were against in the first place. it makes no sense. please don’t take it to heart ur a great writer and im sure a great person

Anonymous said: That anon was quite rude to you. You chose to not get involved( and weren’t even involved), and allowed them to “resolve” their issue amongst themselves. That anon IS NOT you in this situation. They don’t understand how you feel, so to come and say what YOU should do regarding this situation is not their place. I hope people think about what they say before they come to you with their opinions on a situation they have no direct involvement in.

Anonymous said: Y'all sending her hate is really uncalled for. She’s not involved in the situation. Y'all sending her shady shit via anon is the same thing y'all are getting mad at those writers for. Don’t say one thing then do that same thing. It ain’t cute. Leave her be.

Anonymous said: Hi Rose🥺 Ik you don’t know me but I love and support you and hope everything works out for you. You deserve the best. Tumblr isn’t a place for negativity. It should be a safe haven. It should just be a place where people come together for the things they love.

Anonymous said: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🥰😘😘😘😘😘😘💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Anonymous said: Hey Rose! Im sending you lots of love and support 💜 you're loved and important and Im sorry you had an anxiety attack. Lots and lots of love

minyoongibabygirl said: Hey look I might not quite understand what's going on, but I'm going to always support you, you don't deserve the hate your getting. I love you, I purple you

Anonymous said: A) you’re amazing and b) I’m sorry people are harassing you about all this drama. Your friends are important and I can say that I don’t agree with everything my friends do but that doesn’t mean I end our relationship. You’re an amazing author and an even better person.

Anonymous said: I hope you’re doing okay right now, I have panic attacks too and it takes me a while to recover from them 💜

Forget what i said about tumblr being my happy place. You guys are my happy place. thank you to everyone who sent me in anons of love and to those that pm’d me privately to help me through my mental health shit. and again, i’m so so sorry for worrying you all. Please take care of yourself everyone

#ask #and please only send love ever #reminder tho that sora prolly needs love more than I do rn #im grateful regardless #OKAY WE GOING HEALTHY HEAD HOURS FROM HERE ON OUT

26 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

In Retrograde : Chapter Three (branjie) - Ephemerals

Synopsis: After spending months uninspired, Vanessa, a local reporter, becomes infatuated with writing a story surrounding the downfall of a police officer discharged after killing an innocent man.

When Brooke Lynn returns to her hometown after her life begins to fall apart, she doesn’t expect to find solace in the charismatic brunette who seems just a little too invested in uncovering all the secrets of her past.

It was just like any regular Tuesday night patrolling the streets of Toronto for Sergeant Hytes. In the passenger seat sat her partner, Constable Oddly, bored out of her mind. The pair made quite a duo, on and off the field. Over the years, Yvie had proven herself as Brooke’s only decent friend in Toronto. It did involve brazen nights out fuelled by binge drinking and drugs, but it was a nice change for her to be authenticity herself around someone. And honestly Yvie was unlike anyone she had ever met.

“Look, can’t we just ditch this and go back to my place and get stoned,” Yvie pleaded, Brooke shooting her a stern look in response. She impatiently tapped her fingers on the wheel as they aimless drove around.

“That seems like a one-way ticket to getting fired,” Her attention diverted back onto the road.

“The old Brooke would have done it,” groaned Yvie, playfully punching Brooke’s arm, “I miss that bitch.”

“That bitch had to clean up her act, remember.”

Brooke missed the old version of her too. Spontaneous and fun, she didn’t care what people think of her. Now, things were much different. She went to rehab (under the radar, of course), received a promotion and she was just months away from getting married. Brooke couldn’t be a party girl anymore. It was time to grow up. Luckily, Yvie understood what she had to do, but it didn’t mean she had to be happy with it.

“Yeah, you had to clean up your act for that fiancé of yours,” Yvie stated, “Who you don’t even like.”

Yvie was right and she knew it. The couple was doomed from the start. Brooke was much too independent and mostly unfazed by their relationship. During the time they had been friends, Yvie had seen Brooke engage in very brief affairs but she wasn’t one to stick around for long. It might be commitment issues, but Yvie honestly thought it ran deeper than that. So, the fact that Brooke has been with Luke for so long really was a surprise.

“He’s a good guy, Yves.”

“That’s not usually how people talk about their significant others,” Yvie smirked. Brooke just shrugged the comment off. It wasn’t the first time Yvie would make a comment like that, and it wouldn’t be the last time.

“So, are we getting stoned or what, Bee?”

“Shuga would kill us if she found out. Especially if something happens and we don’t report back.”

“That’s not a no,” Yvie playfully added. Brooke shook her head, “It’s a no.”

“I hate when you’re serious, bitch. Let’s hope there is some dumb crimes tonight to keep us busy.”

So, they drive. And just like any regular Tuesday, it’s uneventful. As time dragged on, both girls were awaiting some action. The streets were completely still, not a single soul embarking out into the nightlife.

Then, the radio goes off.

“Requiring backup for a domestic dispute at Wexford. Victim dead on arrival. Suspect armed and on the run. Caucasian, 6’2, slim build. Last seen wearing a burgundy t-shirt and grey sweatpants.”

Yvie beamed in anticipation, “Heading towards Wexford, over.”

…

Brooke is awoken by a violent pounding in her head. Instantly groaning at it’s appearance, too hungover to actually do something about it. It’s beating through her skull like a drum. Unsure how long she was out for, she glances at her phone. 10:27.Her mind wanders, memories of the night before foggy in her brain. That girl. What in the world was up with her?

After futilely trying to go back to sleep, Brooke eventually prys herself away from her bed in search of painkillers. She pads into the en-suite, disheartened by the completely empty medicine cabinet. While there, she washes last nights makeup and grime from her skin. She stares at her reflection for just a moment too long, before treading downstairs to scour the guest bathroom for drugs. Brooke passes her mother in the kitchen without a word, retrieves two ibuprofen capsules and swallows them down with a swig of tap water. Heading back towards her bedroom, she’s stopped in her tracks by her mother.

“Where were you last night?”

“I didn’t know I had to report to you,” Brooke wanders into the kitchen, her mother on her tail. It was easier to rip the bandage off, endure the conversation now rather than actively avoid her. She props herself up against a cupboard awaiting her mother’s scolding.

“While you live under my roof you do as I say,” her mother’s stare is icy cold. Arms folded, stern. For a second, Brooke is taken back to her teenage years, where she could do no right in her mother’s eyes. Her walls are up in preparation for a fight.

“I’m thirty-three, I’m sorry that I assumed I was allowed to be independent.”

“Well, you lost that privilege when you almost died during a cocaine binge, remember?” There’s a beat, Brooke’s mouth agape, “Someone has to babysit you since you constantly fail at taking care of yourself. I’ve booked you an appointment with your old therapist, no discussion.”

Brooke had to admit, she should have seen it coming. Her father wouldn’t have hinted at the idea unless her mother was devising a plan. Yesterday was a warning.

“What if I just don’t-“

“No discussion. The appointments at three.”

Brooke huffs as she storms off like an upset child. She marches up the stairs and climbs back under the covers of her bed. Her head continues throbbing despite the medication but she does her best to doze off, praying she sleeps through that three o’clock appointment.

…

“I don’t think I’m able to write this story, Ms Visage,” Vanessa meekly admits, standing before her editor. Deadlines fast approaching, Michelle sitting emotionless, scribbling on another reporter’s draft. The office is outdated, with wooden sliding and retro styled furnishing. If the budget allowed for it, the first thing Michelle would do is redesign the place but the reality of working for the local newspaper meant money was tight.

“And why is that?” Her gaze doesn’t wander from her work. Vanessa gulps, billions of excuses flying through her head. I’m unsure how to get close enough to her to get the story. She seems like a nice girl and I misjudged her. I almost knocked her over and she was super pretty and nice to me. I couldn’t even speak to her properly.

She could have had her story, but Vanessa ran straight in the opposite direction.

“I was too ambitious,” it’s a lie.

It peaks Michelle’s interest. She glances up above her glasses, unconvinced.

“Too ambitious? Go on.”

“I wanted to write an exposè, y’know. Deep dive into her life, find out how someone ends up killin’ a kid. Talk to her friends, family maybe.”

“That doesn’t sound ambitious, it sounds like journalism,” Michelle is absolutely unimpressed. She drops the pen from her hand and reclines in her chair. Vanessa stands still, waiting to be reprimanded for wasting her time.

“Miss Mateo, you are a very talented journalist. Much too talented to be writing for this newspaper all your life. You have a rare opportunity here to establish yourself as a reporter. I want you to write this story. Forget the deadline, hand in some shitty pieces about local events in the meantime. Don’t be afraid to pursue this. It’s the first interesting idea that has come my way in years.”

The response was the exact opposite of what Vanessa expected. She was ready for a slap on the wrist, to forget about the whole ordeal. Write an article about the local nursing home for the hundredth time. Stay content in her slump for a little longer.

There’s a story here begging to be shared to the world. A story like nothing Vanessa has written before. She’s not going to give up this time.

“Okay,” Vanessa is strangely inspired by the challenge, “I accept the challenge, Ms Visage.”

There’s a skip in her step as Vanessa leaves her editor’s office. Maybe this was her big break.

…

As three o’clock rolls around, Brooke nervously awaits her appointment with her phone glued to her hand. Her frantic texts to Nina receiving instant worried replies. Rightfully so, there was a pattern of Brooke’s self-destructive behaviour increasing after her visits with therapists over the years. Nina didn’t understand why exactly, since the point was to help improve her mental state. But having Brooke confront her feelings head on? It was a risky decision to say the least. A string of texts from Nina come through rapidly one after another.

n: you’ll be fine, b it’s only an hour of ur life i’m going out tonight w work girls u should come x

As much as Brooke would like to go out for another consecutive night, she couldn’t subject Nina to the consequences of her joining them. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if Nina was ostracised by her colleagues for being friends with a murderer. Nina deserved the entire world. Brooke had come to the conclusion that their friendship was one better off kept secret. For Nina’s sake.

b: don’t think i’ll be welcome

Almost immediately there’s a response:

n: they will love u besides u can’t turn down a drink x

Regardless if she was accompanied by Nina or not, both girls were aware of Brooke’s intentions for the night. As soon as she could possibly leave this building, she will, heading directly towards the closest alcohol vendor. It would be nice if she wasn’t alone while she did it.

b: fine, u have convinced me x

“Miss Hytes? Doctor Envy is ready to see you now.”

…

Tires skid on wet asphalt, blue and red lights flashing, sirens blaring through the city streets. A quarter of an hour had passed of their manhunt, the novelty was finally wearing thin. News gushes through the radio, reported sightings, updates, anything. Eyes glued to signs of movement, Yvie’s soaking up every miniscule detail of the city. Jobs like this one were the exact reason she joined the force. The adrenaline courses through her veins like a drug. Brooke’s extra few years on Yvie had caused her to become jaded. She was just waiting for the excitement to die down so she can clock off and indulge in a glass of wine at home. Of course she wanted the perpetrator to be caught and justice to be served, but pursuits like this were plain exhausting.

A call comes through and Brooke has her fingers crossed it’s home time. Her heart sank as Superintendent Cain’s voice bellowed through the speaks, “Any sightings yet girls?”

“It looks like the apocalypse has hit Toronto,” joked Yvie, “There’s not a single person out.”

“The guy’s Damon Carmichael. Been causing trouble for years,” Brooke recognised the name. She’d never dealt with him herself, but he had been a headache of her colleagues. There was a series of charges scattered all over the county in his name.

“There’s a dead woman rotting in his apartment. I don’t care if you bring back his corpse, I want him caught.”

The phone clicked off abruptly, the orders loud and clear. Brooke let out a sigh as drove down the same street for the umpteenth time. Streetlights dull, barely illuminating the empty road. She’s sure the neighbours are annoyed by them at this point. It was just another night on the job, keeping the country safe.

Out of the corner of her eye, Yvie swore she spotted something. Wound up on anticipation, Brooke just assumed paranoia had finally set in. However, Yvie’s adamant someone’s hiding by the church. Bringing the car to a halt, they decided to investigate. Gun firmly in hand, Yvie exited the car rushing directly into the darkness. Blood pumping, Brooke followed suit hand clutching the gun attached to her waist.

“Police!”

As Yvie announced their presence, something dashed away from them. It’s far too dim for them to work out what they can see. The younger girl is quick on her feet, Brooke in tow. A man emerged onto the dimly lit street. Burgundy sweatshirt, slim, young. A picture perfect match. Both women raised their guns in response.

“Freeze!” Brooke called. The man glanced back as he sprinted ahead. They picked up speed, trailing behind him. Yvie was just in reach, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. An attempt to tackle him is thwarted as he shoves the younger girl backwards, toppling onto the pavement. He keeps running.

“I said freeze!”

Brooke knew what she had to do. In front, he’s losing traction. Panting heavily, feet battering the concrete. She’s caught up. So has Yvie, who had dusted herself off with more motivation than ever before. With Yvie ahead, Brooke comes to a stop.

I don’t care if you bring back his corpse, I want him caught.

Yvie grappled him around his neck, the man writhing in her grip. His fist flies up, the impact straight to the jaw. He continued to thrash around, Yvie unable to secure her restraint. Hands shaking, Brooke raised her gun. If Yvie tightens her grasp, she’d have a clear shot.

“Fucking bitches!” It’s spat straight onto Yvie’s face. Agitated, she raises her knee into his stomach. He brought his free hand to strike Yvie again.

“Didn’t you ever learn not to hit women,” she hissed directly into his ear. The arm around his neck constricts him just for a moment. He’s still flailing in her grasp, but he’s still enough for Brooke to fire. Finger to the trigger.

Bang.

The echoing of the gunshots ring as blood pools at Yvie’s feet. She has let go, but he’s wailing, still squirming on the sidewalk. Two shots straight to the chest. Yvie fell to her knees, drenched in his blood. Streets of Toronto painted red. Everything’s blurry in Brooke’s head. The gun is still raised towards him. She’s frozen.

…

“It wasn’t your fault, Brooke Lynn. You were just doing your job,” Doctor Envy shifts in her seat uncomfortably. The last time Brooke was here, she was just a destructive addict. Miles away from her usual cases in this small town, but things were different now. Years of psychology classes couldn’t have prepared her to be face to face with a murder.

“I wish people would stop telling me that,” Brooke slumps into her chair, sulking. The conversation had run in circles for the first half of the session. Doctor Envy prying into the very few facts she had learnt from the past. Addiction. Self-Injury. Relapse. Usually after years of knowing a client, some walls have been broken down. But everything Doctor Envy knew about Brooke was from medical files and newspaper reports. The most significant information shared was about her relationship with Luke starting and ending. She hated predicting the future of her clients, but it was inevitable. Unless Brooke started opening up about her feelings, she was a lost cause.

Doctor Envy scrawls meaningless notes down on her clipboard, each stroke filling the empty silence. Brooke isn’t going to crack. Not today, not ever. Brooke intently watches the hands on the clock get closer to the moment she can leave.

“You aren’t evil, Brooke.” She says it out loud, her voice shaking slightly. She says because she thinks it’s what Brooke wants to hear. Needs to hear. Brooke acts like it is white noise. Unconvinced by her words, Doctor Envy repeats herself.

“You’re not evil.”

“You don’t know that,” Brooke interjects. Her stare is cold and uninviting. She adjusts her posture, leans forward, spits, “You don’t know anything about me.”

She’s tired of waiting for confessions to pour out. The truth is only going to reveal itself if she rips it out with her own hands. Tough love.

“I know enough. Sometimes, it’s what you don’t say that matters most. Everyone in your life can see that you are struggling and they want to help you. But only you can start that journey to recovery.”

Frustrated, Brooke stands up, “Thank you for your time.”

“Stop running from yourself, Brooke,” Doctor Envy adds. A bookend to a bad conversation.

The door slams shut.

…

Vanessa is dressed to the nines. She’s in a leather ensemble: tight skirt, sandals laced to her thighs, braids flowing down from the crown of her head. Silky is ecstatic with her handy work. Sitting on the floor of her apartment, the girls took swigs from a bottle of vodka. Everyone was ready on time (for once), their cab moments away.

When A’keria had invited them all out, Silky had insisted to makeover Vanessa. It wasn’t a new thing, the girls often took turns dolling each other up. But it was Silky and at times she could be violently enthusiastic. Especially since Vanessa had accidentally ignored them all week, devoted on this story. A story which she was avoiding telling them about, knowing how unimpressed they will be.

They head out to a club the next town over. Nightlife in their small town was lifeless, full of drunks and rowdy men. They preyed on the presence of a female. Vanessa had seen it the night before. She had been around enough that the locals left her alone, but they flocked towards the first sight of fresh meat. It was a more balanced playing field when the numbers were equal. And from what A’keria had said, their group tonight was larger than normal.

“I have something to tell you,” Vanessa shares as they step out of the car. Silky tosses the taxi driver a wad of cash, tells him to keep the change. As he drives off, the girls ask what it is.

“I’m writing a story, somethin’ interesting for a change.” The girls walk towards the end of the line. Vanessa rustles through her purse, pulls out her ID from her wallet. Patiently, A’keria and Silky wait for details.

“It’s about Brooke Lynn.”

Silky and A’keria burst into laughter. The line inches closer towards the door, but they haven’t yet realised. Vanessa raises her eyebrow in confusion.

“Told ya so,” Silky howls, “Knew you were keeping something from us, bitch.”

“Can’t stay away from those bad girls, huh?” A’keria smirks.

A bouncer checks their identification, lazily flipping the card over. He points for them to go past, Vanessa last in formation. A’keria’s on the lookout for her friends as they enter the crowd. Hoards of dancing girls surround them, unknowingly sloshing vodka sodas on the floor with each movement. Gesturing forward, A’keria pushes ahead. Strobe lights pulsate from the ceiling. Their group collides with the other. Vanessa recognises a few of the women. Nina. Honey. Brooke.

Even in the erratic lighting of the club, Vanessa could tell the blonde was staring right at her. Their eyes meet, gaze lingering as Nina tries to introduce them over the blaring music. Brooke pulls away first, coyly smiling. A layer of sweat coats Vanessa’s palms. This was the last thing she was expecting tonight.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #angst #in retrograde #ephemerals #submission #please check formatting guide <3

18 notes · View notes

steponmepinkjun · 3 years ago

Note

ok replying to the last ask from the shortie convo: i have decided that the issue isn’t my unintimidating appearance nor any lack of badassery in my chart, i simply need to start snapping on bitches. no more making excuses just committing a straight up murder, verbally, or maybe i’ll just start swinging. who knows. i Could be giving off that energy you describing but i’m clearly not so it’s probably just that i’ve been holding myself back. fuck that, it’s been too chummy over here i’m gonna start summoning demons n shit. haunting people via the astral plane. going to their house and moving all their furniture an inch to the left so they bump into everything. swapping their lube and laundry detergent. stealing peoples bank account numbers. selling their organs online. fucking their mans. nt’s who wanna try me aboutta catch these HANDS! YALL WANTED TO SEE A SCORPIO YALL GON GET STUNG BITCHES

i’m definitely taking this ego boost and running w it tho. ur right tho us scorpios go hard. in theory i’m like “yeah i’m a p selfish person i always put myself over everyone else even those i care about” when in reality if someone even Breathes incorrectly at any of my like 4.5 people i’ve decided are My People they aboutta feel the wrath of a GOD. i just been cast away too many times to put in that energy for most people tbh it’s hard bc i’m an extrovert snd i Want lots of friends but i’m picky w em. if i find them boring they’re getting left on read. if their sense of humour doesn’t bounce off mine like a motherfucking bouncy castle that you can safely do a triple backflip on, i’m not having it. if they can’t take my roasts with their head held high they ain’t lasting long. this criteria narrows it down to just abt everyone who don’t want me, apparently, and some randos on the internet. LMFAO. then again i’ve had people i just thought were ok and not fun enough to stick around for, be the ones reaching out to me n put the effort in to be my friend and i just 🥺🥴🤩🥺🥺 i’m gonna roast them shitless but if anyone else says so much as a single hair on their head being off i am annihilating their entire bloodline down to the 9th generation. you best not go around telling ppl how soft we are on the inside tho hoe i do Not strap a switchblade to my thigh for people to find out about my romanticism or how i daydream abt just hanging out w my best friends n doing The most domestic and normal things just bc i want to spend more time w them, no, shhh. keep it on the down low. also aquarians tend to scare me in terms of genuine friendships bc y’all so flaky like aquas would tell me “i love u so much ur like my favourite person ever” then ghost my entire existence until i ask them for a tbh on their insta story and turns out they thought i was too much and their friends all hate me, like, i love yalls sense of humour but OUCH. u may projectile vomit at ur taurus moon but that’s like Exactly what u need to balance that shit out cause taurians to be ride or die. like yeah they’re arguably “lazy” by generalisation but that’s just bc their motivation is Extremely tunnel visioned towards whatever makes them happy and if that’s you you’re getting Showered in love n affection and attention and yall stubborn as a brick wall but loyal to a fault. us scorpios need thst shit bro we need that Stability taurians provide, esp since they’re so sturdy they tend to be able to handle our intensity well without being scared off. no taurus slander in this household will be tolerated unless it’s from me 😤😤😤 -felix bi anon

I'm tellliiiing you, you need to start smackin bitches. Cause I've met baby scorps that don't realize they literally are The Babe With The Power, and then full scorps who know that smackin tf out of someone is ONLY A PROBLEM to bitches who know they do shit they deserve to get slapped for 😂

I'm always honestly confused when people say Aquarians are cold or detached or unemotional ☹️because I genuinely don't get it 😭 like, we are some of the most emotional people on fuckin planet earth, to our own detriment—I think we just have an ego problem and we also tend to be extremely contrarian, so whenever someone thinks they know us or what we're about, we pull the rip cord because no one could EVAAAAA, and it's insulting that they think they could 😂 But I've always known Aquarians to be some of the most sensitive bitches, we just don't externalize it because our world is internal, we don't share w the world, we create our own. We are flakier than a fresh baked fuckin Popeyes biscuit tho, that is the gods honest truth. We will decide on the drive to ur place that we're no longer invested and just up and turn around and go back to bed without a word. I think what the outside world intercepts as being cold or aloof in Aquarians is actually just the fact that we really struggle with Casualness and take everything WAY too seriously and are extremely idealistic, and we're so used to being made fun of for being too serious or too passionate that we just like. Stop showing up mentally to a lot of spaces. Especially if what we're excited about is something other people find weird, we jsut go "okay I won't share joy with you anymore cause you're a bitch." I've also never known another Aquarian who doesn't feel an extremely strong sense of intuition, coupled with a really black and white thinking, that makes us quickly gauge how compatible someone's values etc are with ours and if we have an inkling it's not gonna work, we just dip. I'm totally guilty of thinking someone is my kindred spirit and then they say one thing that makes me feel differently and I just cut ties, cause I know that they won't change and I can't abide by our differences, so it feels like an insurmountable problem and we just shut it down and move on. We think too much about shit lmfao. My problem with Taurians has always been that, in my experience, they have this deep emotional capacity because they think of their life through the lense of classic film, so being the hopelessly devoted friend or the lovestruck ingenue is appealing to them for that reason, so they can picture their actions from a 3rd person pov and feel that the audience will react positively to their character. To people/signs that are internally motivated rather than externally, that can read as not being genuine, and that's been my large experience with taurus. I don't hate Taurians, I have a lot of them in my life, but the Taurus in my chart only exacerbates the natural dramatic nature i have and makes me unbearable a lot of the time lmfao. I'm idealistic enough as it is, my moon in taurus just makes me INSANELY emotional about romance and friendships to a degree that keeps me from having them because I NEED it to be storybook, it has to be perfect or I can't handle it. I'd sum up the taurus/Aquarius dynamic as us feeling uneasy about them because they're very driven, but we feel it's for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.

#Felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

1 note · View note

baehraini · 6 years ago

Text

i cbf screenshotting her posts again so ima just quote her

1) when I’m disagreeing with an small obessed group all of which have Some cluster b disorder in common, yes I’m going to call you the cluster gang

out of all of the women that have been agreeing with me about u... im the only one i know of that has BPD or any cluster B disorder. the others with the same are hardly the majority.

2) yes you have a problem with the g spot if you think it leads to ripping a woman’s vagina open. I told you that story about a lover I had who I gave a G spot orgasm too that freaked out over it before reading up on what happened . You have piss poor reading skills if you think that was about me fisting her. As I simply didn’t fist her at all. I don’t fist every lover I have either, just the few who express they would enjoy it.

heres ur exact statement

why the fuck bring it up in the middle of a convo about fisting? no im not opposed to fingering or .. the g-spot. the fuck. back-pedaling @ its finest here.

3) why complain at all about how many hrs another woman has sex? That’s all on you guys. I can eat sleep sex for weeks if I want to and have before, who cares what you think about it.

girl no one’s complaining, ppl just think its bull as do i. but like, do u. again, ur sex life is urs. normal people dont go aroudn talking about how much they fist women and these womens specific experiences & orgasms with descriptors of said women. thats personal shit. thats 99% of where people’s criticism is coming from. boasting & bragging about shit like this is so disrespectful to YOUR sexual partners and thats why youre being compared to straight men.

4) I’m not into penetration myself and have said this many times, obviously I wasn’t talking about having that preference in any judgements way. I simply pointed out the fact if you bleed from more then one finger in you then that’s something you should check out as how do you even put a tampon in. Fact is that is not normal for most women and your vagina should not bleed so easily. I’m simply looking out for you by saying this.

i bled because she was very rough and bad with her hands. she also added in a second finger when i wasnt even wet enough for the first one to begin with. it usually takes me time to get to the point where im able to handle penetration bc im relatively tight. with my girlfriend, ive never bled. the entire point of me sharing that story was to explain why i personally cannot even comprehend vaginal fisting, not to say that no female can handle more than 1 or 2 fingers.

5) if a lesbians sex life is her business she should be able to openly talk about it without you flipping yr shit especially since this is my blog and you are a stranger I’ve blocked from it and told that if you don’t like reading it you are free not too.

why are you reading my blog tho? youre 20 years older than me & have gone as far as say theres something wrong with my genitals & made comments about how my sex life must be boring or w/e. does that seem appropriate to you? consider that my mom is 47. youre nearing 41. does it seem appropriate to you that you’re talking like this to someone that much younger than you?

ANYWAYS, the issue isnt you being open about your sex life. its how you speak of the women involved & how much you boast about it. plenty of the women i follow talk about fucking women regularly, the difference is how they talk about it.

7) I’m none of those anon or other pages. You can stop making up profiles and sending yourself bs or at least stop trying to blame me for it. We all know I take too much pride not to let people know when I’m behind something and I would tell you off directly like I always have everyone else ever.

thats cool. you’re not the main suspect for those anons and the people i know that know u well enough also think it’s unlikely that its you. its pretty likely to be one of your buddies & most likely RAIDS. this is nothing new for her.

i definitely haven’t made extra profiles to harass myself nor have i sent myself anons.

8) let’s agree not to have anything to do with each already or unblock and continue this till forever cuz I was done with you the 1st day I saw you tranny stanning saying rape by deception wasn’t real rape and told you I wish you death by tranny cock, but obviously while I didn’t literally mean it you lived only to annoy me ever since instead of just fucking off and leaving me be.

you seemed to mean it literally and only started to say u didnt mean it recently. either way, the graphic shit you said about me sucking dick or w/e.. thats wishing me rape. especially when i said over & over im penis-repulsed and especially repulsed by the thought of having someones penis in my mouth. as for my stance on rape by deception, i changed my stance there & owned up to it being ignorant & wrong at first. either way, i never ever went to any victims of that and told them their experience wasn’t Real somehow.

months ago i wouldve been alright with talking to you PROPERLY and directly but u refused to stop reblogging my posts while still having me blocked, which is the entire reason why i blocked you. bc it was annoying talking to someone who keeps reblogging from me and directing stuff at me on my posts while having me blocked. if u want to unblock one another and talk, i could maybe consider it at this point but ive been saying this for a while now: all i want is for u and ur buddies to stop lying about me, twisting what i say/said/do/did, and the like. i also want them to stop sending me disgusting anons.

at the same time, though, if i see something shitty u or ur friends say (same as for anyone else), im bound to question & criticise it especially considering how aggressive & harsh you all are to anyone you disagree with.

9) You and Eve are no tumblur therapists stop projecting yr mental issues onto me. The only problem I have with cluster b disorders is your group not leaving me be. If there was treatment for that which could make you all you away I would gladly take that magic pill as many times a day as it took.

honestly eve is pretty well off mentally esp when compared to you, and im trying to say this in the least insulting way possible. there’s a reason why so many people find you unreasonable, manipulative, bizarre, hysterical, dramatic, and sometimes comical. either way, trust me im not fond of diagnosing people online. i only ever bring stuff like this up bc its hypocritical for someone to diagnose people online as cluster B all while exhibiting just as many if not more symptoms themselves. either way, this is something youve been doing and refuse to stop doing to other people. just because someone doesnt like you or is critical of you doesn’t mean theyre somehow mentally ill, and it also definitely doesnt mean theyre not a lesbian.

1 note · View note

littlebabycrybtch · 5 years ago

Text

im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy��’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me.

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism.

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism///#a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

8 notes · View notes

fairycosmos · 7 years ago

Note

I'm just so scared I won't be able to make any new friends bc of my anxiety. Like I know i'll get to know some new people eventually but, I never get like real friends bc I always feel like an obligation and even when people do like me I always fuck things up by not believing they actually care abt me y'know? I just don't know what to do, but my current school literally makes me feel sick. Again, I'm so sorry for bothering you with this. I hope you're doing okay! I love ur blog so much

hey angel. well, even if you didn’t have anxiety it’d be normal to be worried about changing schools. it’s honestly completely natural to be scared of the unknown and of new people, it’s a part of life. but since you’ve had issues w your mental health in the past, you need to remember just how much that anxious section of your mind is going to try to twist your perception of the situation into something negative and scary, even when it’s not. i’m not saying you won’t feel a little awkward or weird at first, but it’s not going to be the nightmare you think it’s going to be, you know? it seems to me like you’re really struggling right now and you need to work on yourself before you can comfortably make proper friends, because if you’re constantly second guessing yourself and stressing over everything then you’ll end up finding it too difficult to talk to people in general. your self worth shouldn’t lie in the hands of others, angel. if you keep telling yourself that nobody cares about you, then eventually you’ll start to believe it. but in reality, you don’t know what’s going on inside other people’s heads. you don’t know how they perceive you, all you can do is guess and the guesses you’re making seem to be based in self hatred and anxiety, so they’re inaccurate. you need to find a way to stop fighting who you are, to become your own best friend. be patient with your heart and stop being so hard on yourself, because treating yourself like crap doesn’t solve anything. keep seeing your psychologist, and let them know how nervous and apprehensive you’re feeling so you can talk it through and come to some sort of rational decision. it’s also a good idea to tell your parents how you’re feeling if that’s an option, because having a network of support during such difficult times can really help, more than you think it can. keeping that channel of communication between you and the people around you open and honest is the best way to make sure you’re not isolating yourself and making things harder than they have to be.

i think it really comes down to whether or not you can see yourself happily and successfully continuing your education at your current school. that’s what matters. it’s a choice that only you can make, but it sounds like you already know the answer. your ‘friends’ seem like they’re taking you for granted and not really appreciating you for everything wonderful and positive that you are, and you know you deserve SO much more than that. not everybody you meet is going to be on the same wavelength as you, and genuine friends are rare - but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there. just because it’s not happening right now, doesn’t mean it never will. and the way people choose to act is a reflection of them, not of you. don’t stress about people who don’t stress about you, okay? there’s no point, and you don’t need to waste your time. tbh going to a new school would be a clean slate and a chance to start over, but if the idea of it completely terrifies you then it might be super difficult to even consider it. i would just hate to see you get stuck in such uncomfortable circumstances purely bc of temporary emotions like fear and anxiety, especially since they can be managed. keep in mind that change is pretty much inevitable, and throughout the course of your life you’re going to be continuously meeting new people and learning how to fit in with different types of groups. but it’s something you learn how to deal with as you get older n more mature, and as you develop a real sense of self. give yourself some time.

ultimately it’s entirely up to you, but the only thing you really need to worry about is making yourself happy. this is your life, and if you’re not enjoying it then it’s okay to do everything in your power to change it. it’s nobody else’s business and nobody else’s decision to make. i get that moving schools is a big thing to do, and if you want to wait a while or check out your other options then that’s totally fine, but to me it seems like something has to change bc you’re clearly unhappy with the way things are, and that’s the bottom line. talk to your psychologist, discuss it with your parents and don’t let something as pointless as overthinking dictate what you do. obviously it’s all a lot easier said than done, but you don’t need to expect yourself to have it all figured out at once. just go with the flow, one step at a time. yr going to be okay, and this is something you’re going to be able to move past. and don’t worry at all, you’re literally not bothering me. thank u for saying u love my blog djfgjkdjfgekn i appreciate it n i’m always here if you need a friend. i’m gna leave some links that might offer some additional support, check them out if you have the time :)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/i'm-so-scared-and-anxious-about-deciding-to-move-school-and-i'm-stuck

https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2014/aug/19/top-10-tips-changing-schools-students-parents

https://www.positivityblog.com/improve-self-esteem/

http://mentalhealthsf.org/six-simple-habits-that-defeat-anxiety/

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/management

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-steps-to-reduce-worrying-and-anxiety/

4 notes · View notes

namjoonfmd · 7 years ago

Text

WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP?? nOw that i got your attention, hello there you cute frickin’ beans!! i’m anthony (or you can call me slim shady, juSt kidding), a twenty year old nerd, residing in the eastern timezone! anyways, i’m really excited to be here and to bring namjoon to life (i haven’t stopped thinking about him, yikes.) okay before i literally embarrass myself anymore in this because it’s about that time, i’m gonna move on to telling you about [pitbull voice] mr sunshine, aka oh namjoon (i just really love the name namjoon know that), simply known by one name, namjoon (wants to be beyonce so bad), main vocal of decipher!

by the way, under the cut there will be mentions of a car accident, death of parents, and ptsd. if you are triggered by any of these subjects, please skip points 4, 5, 6, 7.

a full stats page can be found here and a plots page can be found here, if you’re interested!

namjoon was born on christmas day in 1992 to young parents, se-ah, a man who had just finished getting his business degree and started working an office job, and jangmi, who was still in school because she was studying medicine to become a pharmacist. two younglings who were so in love and now loving their brand new baby boy.

because jangmi fell pregnant before they were even engaged, namjoon was involved in their wedding, so there’s a bunch of pictures of him at about three years old in their wedding, it was stinking adorable.

everything went good in the beginning, you know?? they were incredibly happy, excited to come home to their son everyday. but suddenly, when namjoon was about seven years old, his life took a turn for the worst.

it was a normal, sunny day, and se-ah, jangmi, namjoon, and his cousin, sa-rang were on their way to the beach for the day. it was gonna be fun, especially since sa-rang was there, even though she was sixteen and capable to be by herself at home while her parents were away. but, she decided to send the day with them. they were on their way, but they never actually got there.

this is something that’s still clear as day to namjoon, something that still haunts him. it was all so sudden and unexpected, they got into a really bad accident because of a reckless driver, whom smashed into the car at a high speed. the car hit jangmi’s side of the car, killing her on impact. namjoon was in the seat behind her, only hitting his head against something and knocking him out for a while. the car had flipped over.

unfortunately, the only ones to survive were sa-rang and namjoon. se-ah died some time after jangmi did. sa-rang and namjoon came out with starches and bruises on their body, as well as a bump on namjoon’s head. sa-rang did the unthinkable as a fifteen year old, as she had gotten namjoon out of his seat, where he woke up in the middle of it going on, and she had gotten him out of the wrecked car. he still believes to this day, that he owes her his life for putting him first that day.

of course, namjoon survived from ptsd after that and life before the accident was a bit of a blur due to the accident, the ptsd, and because he bumped his head a little bit.

his grandparents raised him from when he was seven to twelve, they’re just about the most important people in his life.

he started to get more into music to help cope from things, he found out that he was really good at it and it seemed to come easy to him. it was something that he took really seriously.

when he was tweleve, he was in the mall with his guitar, and he was sat there, singing and strumming along to the guitar as people walked by. though, he noticed that a woman was there, recording him, and watching him sing. after, he was approached, and she told him that she was a rep for bc entertainment and that he was incredible and she really wanted him to audition. she gave him her card and off she went.

he really thought it was a scam, but he just decided to give it a chance. so, he set up the audition and awaited the day. once it came, he went to the bc entertainment building to audition, even though in the back of his mind it still seemed like a scam. bc entertainment wanting him? that was crazy.

though, once he was there to audition, people knew who he was, and that made him realize it wasn’t a scam at all. he went into the audition room with confidence, a happy nature, and he sang with his guitar, the popular american song, waterfalls by tlc (he has an obsession with 90s western pop music fyi)

they truly loved his audition, the way he sang with an emotion and how well he did in front of them, they were impressed. the only thing was that they needed to work on his technique because they didn’t like the technique taught to him by his own personal vocal coach.

he signed the contract there and got his grandmother to sign the papers, due to her being his legal guardian. but also, because she was the one to encourage him to chase his dreams. his family was a huge support system in this. she’s truly his biggest fan??? like she has everything decipher and frames a lot of things.

trained for four years before debuting in decipher (btw shinee can have my soul) as the main vocal, which he’s still grateful for because he got to show off his vocals, like he’s just really proud of himself?? but not in the cocky kind of way, if you know what i mean?? being able to sing and debut really helped his self-confidence and self-worth.

he’s truly just kind of a ball of sunshine?? like he’s very caring and he’s nice. everyone tends to think he’s adorable?? but also he’s that type of person that could literally go from adorable to sexy on stage and it leaves you shooken tbh. also he’s known to be pretty sensitive and stuff like that... like he’ll lit cry every time decipher gets a first win and when they win awards so. but he knows how to stand his ground if needed.

also is really an embarrassing sunbae to everyone in bc entertainment?? like if he sees you at an event or something like for example if he saw lipstick he’d run over to lipstick and take a picture with them and then post it like “oh my god!!! i’m with lipstick!! i can’t believe it!!” and just be so embarrassing you’re gonna wanna pretend to not know him. so you know, bee, knight, lipstick, charm, and wish + the solo artists, ur gonna wanna watch out for him.

it’s obvious that he likes the gym?? like he went from small and that gradually started gaining more muscle like ok slow down mister

he took college classes and is graduated, he has a degree in psychology, and a degree in creative writing. if this idol thing doesn’t go for longer (even though he knows that he’s truly going to be doing stuff like this for a long, long while most likely) he’d like to become a therapist to help kids (and adults) with mental issues.

has a lot of osts to his name, he played the lead male in hoot! by lipstick ( he was the guy spy who was played by choi si-won,) was in the musical “in the heights” in 2015 and then again 2016-2017 as the main character, benny. he was also in the musical “all shook up” in 2016 as the main character, elvis. he was an mc for “singerella” and he plays the main character, lee shi-kyung, in the tv show, andante. ( yes this is the show kai is gonna be in because i’m uncreative don’t @ me ajknkjafk )

also another thing to note, he’s fluent in korean, english, and ksl. no one knew about him being fluent in ksl till he was seen at a fan signing interacting with a deaf fan through korean sign language, something that was highly praised by media and fans.

anD that’s all for this really long intro im sorry?? i tried my best to summarize like.. 11 paragraphs i think i wrote for the bio kajkfnakaj

also here’s a rl pic of me about being here and being excited to rp w u all

#✕. it's anthony in your area | ooc posts.

8 notes · View notes