#t:21

[roffitoucan]

i been getting used too a brand new tablet this past week (so i can get my hand comfortsble to do full drawings again)

and so i got too finally animate without it crashing every few frames YIPPEE

[marzipanandminutiae]

as a woman who grew up with an emotionally abusive mother constantly telling me I needed to wear more makeup/more revealing clothing/date (boys) more/go out to "normal" parties more, I despise "she should be at the club"

god forbid some people- especially young women, who already have to deal with a thousand different behavioral standards from a thousand different directions -not have the same dreams and desires for their lives as you do for yours

fucking hell. the correct response to "women should stay at home and have kids and be submissive wives" prescriptivism was not MORE PRESCRIPTIVISM

(I also just saw a poll asking if people partied as teenagers, and OP responded that the answers were "killing them" because No was winning. like? why is everyone so personally invested in other people having a very specific kind of fun?)

[kan-be]

bunch of very old and not so comms I never posted for some reason but still like 😇 the more recent ones were made for @raven6229 and @frog-frussy !!! the owners of the old ones are lost in IG im afraid......

[lazylittledragon]

what do you get when you have a very uncoordinated child, a glass door and a single dad who sometimes forgets both of these things

[pookietsunoda]

The Evolution of Red Bull's YouTube: A Parasocial Deep Dive

To explain this insane media crit essay I accidentally started, I was wondering to myself why Formula One seems to have a lot of personality-driven social media promo content. Some people have commented that the drivers are marketed a lot like Kpop stars (or pop singers or influencers generally), where relatable media content builds up an audience that gets emotionally attached to the celebrity as a person, not just their work. I wanted to trace the roots of this style of content and see how it evolved, using Red Bull as a case study because of their current strong social media presence and my hypothesis that their status as an extreme sports sponsor assisted them in making content focused on individual athletes.

Abstract/ Summary: Red Bull's earliest videos in the early 2010s largely do not focus on the drivers as people and are mostly montage-type content with occasional formal interviews. Then, Daniel Ricciardo begins to treat the camera in a more friendly and casual way, giving himself a greater sense of relatability/ seeming more accessible to fans. Red Bull correspondingly begins to feature more silly and unscripted content, which intensifies once Verstappen joins the team and begins riffing off of Ricciardo. We see a growth in personality-focused and "challenge" type content with banter towards the end of Ricciardo's time at Red Bull, which continues with Gasly, Albon, and Perez and brings us to today. Currently, YouTube provides a seemingly casual and relatable look at the drivers, largely through humorous challenges, and feeds our expectations that drivers are accessible and come off as authentic to us as fans.

I started with Red Bull because they seem to have their social media content game on lock, with high budget and creative video challenges that also do a good job at showcasing the personalities of their drivers. I theorized that the reason they excelled at this social media marketing strategy was because Red Bull (the energy drink brand) sponsors a lot of extreme athletes, who are in solo sports or sports with very small teams-- thus, it would make sense for them to promote their sponsored athletes with personality-focused content. (This turned out to probably not be true, but we will get to that.)

Part (Multi Twenty) One: The Old Men

During this time period (early 2010s), any driver-focused videos are pretty short and often more focused on visually appealing montages. Mark Webber and or Sebastian Vettel will be filmed doing some fun activity and then maybe speaking to a reporter about the outing in a relatively polished, professional manner. The premise of these videos is similar to the content we see today-- ex. Seb shears a sheep, Mark and Seb have a beach filler episode-- but the way they are edited is much different. The drivers' interactions with each other are not included in the video, and there is not much focus on their personalities.

The most popular videos at this time are glossy stunt type content. There are also more quotidian things like simulator runs, news interviews, and track walks. Also some wacky highlights include a random pop music video and cringe parody martial arts short-- of which Vettel is in both, for some reason. But this disproves part of the hypothesis-- Red Bull did not start making personality focused content. Their experience as an extreme sports sponsor likely gave them experience in making stunt videos, but not content focused on driver personalities.

Part 2: 2 Dan, 2 Furious

The style of content doesn't immediately change when Ricciardo joins the team in 2014, beyond him getting roped into doing a bunch of travel vlogs, which are also more on the slick montage side even though he does get to crack some jokes at times. More cool stunts, more media interviews. When Daniil Kvyat arrives, the style of content shifts a little to focus more on the interactions between the two drivers, ex. the 2015 season preview and some shorts. There are also early inklings of the sillier modern content with some challenges and a sketch.

Then comes... the 2015 Christmas video, the first of many Red Bull Christmas videos. This one is unabashedly silly and also seems largely unscripted, representing a pretty clear break in content style. Crucially, we hear and see the drivers talking and interacting with EACH OTHER instead of just talking to a reporter off to the side, which is honestly a huge reason why today's silly driver content is so enjoyable and seems more authentic. Kvyat does a pretty traditional, scripted-sounding holiday greeting (which, fair enough, English isn't his first language and this is in line with most of the previous marketing videos), but Ricciardo is very casual and tells the camera among other things to have a "pimpin' good time"-- like a friend, rather than a formal acquaintance. Much more in line with today's style of content except it's shorter. However, this style is not initially popular, gaining only 34k views-- way less than stunt content from the same time like the F1 Car vs Rugby Team matchup that gets 2 million views.

Part 3: Rise of the Unserious Kings

By 2016, Ricciardo is very comfortable with the camera and being goofy, eventually with a smooth faced, slightly feral baby Verstappen in tow. The channel starts experimenting with silly short-form challenges that include some seemingly genuine reactions. In this travel video, they include clips with audio of Ricciardo joking around to people they meet, and Ricciardo even talks directly into the camera, saying he's not sure if he's supposed to say this, but pokes fun at himself for sweating with nerves over some air turbulence.

DANNY RIC IS POSSIBLY THE NEXUS BEING OF THIS STYLE OF CONTENT. (And the *pairing* of Ricciardo and Verstappen changed Red Bull media marketing, if not that of F1 teams in general.)

Ricciardo has begun not only relating directly to the camera, treating it as proxy for the fan viewer, but consciously trying to give it (and therefore us) an "unfiltered/ authentic" look into his own life and the lives of F1 drivers. He relates to the camera/viewer in a much more personal and friendly manner, acting like we are his friends and building that parasocial connection. Even in more conventional video types like explaining racing kit, Ricciardo is casual and humorous, a style that seems to garner lots of views for these videos (the racing kit one is at 1.5mil).

The previous more formal style of video, whether drivers talk to an offscreen interviewer or into the camera, gives us more distance-- treating viewers as strangers who should be treated with respect but are not owed intimacy. Ex. this short clip of Max in 2016 after his maiden win with Red Bull: he talks to the camera and speaks directly to fans, but in a more formal way. (Not saying this is bad! He's basically a kid and this is what most driver content was like up to this point. Besides, we as strangers do not necessarily deserve to know everything about a celebrity!)

Additionally, the pairing of Ricciardo and Verstappen seems to be a comedy gold mine. (How many clips of these two being chaotic have you seen?) Max may not seem quite as comfortable talking directly to the camera, which makes sense because it's kind of awkward. However, it's a lot less intimidating to be casual and silly to another flesh and blood person, merely in front of the camera-- especially if that person is Danny Ric who is going to give you material to riff off of. (Thus, why interactions between drivers are so generative of authentic-seeming, personality based content).

Max takes to the assignment of matching Ricciardo's energy with enthusiasm. Take, for example, the durian-opening challenge and the biking track tour (featuring Max making a bunch of silly vrooming noises as he speeds ahead of Daniel). The 2017 Christmas video shows how well Max and Daniel riff off each other, letting viewers see that Max has a silly personality as well ("Ki ki ki!!" "Aye aye aye!!" *Max dabs on the camera* *they throw fake food at each other and cackle*). During 2018, Red Bull starts solidifying the style of personality-focused challenge content that makes up much of their channel now, though it's interspersed between travel content without much talking and some more glossy stunt/ travel videos.

Part 4: A.D. (After Daniel)

After Daniel's departure, this challenge style continues with Gasly and then Albon. Red Bull also starts pulling in people from Toro Rosso to do crossover challenge episodes on location where they compete against each other, like much of today's videos on the Red Bull main channel. Ex. Albon and Kvyat face off against Verstappen and Gasly in a set of lumberjacking challenges in Canada, including a good bit of back and forth banter, which turns out to be a pretty popular video (1mil views).

Videos from Max and Alex's driver pairing era are almost entirely focused on their kind of chaotic interactions with each other. The challenges are higher production value but also silly in concept, such as the two designing their own custom box carts, allowing them to show off their artistic skills (or lack thereof) and name them stupid things. The 2019 Christmas video is also a gem. I haven't watched a ton of videos from this time, but it seems almost entirely absent of the the montages to background music or formal interview style from previous years. There is still of course some glossy stunt content, like the famed zero gravity pitstop.

And then covid! After which the content is split between the Oracle Red Bull Racing channel and the Red Bull main channel. The racing specific channel has the same news interviews and sim runs peppered with some more lowkey challenges and videos focusing on individual drivers, whereas the more famous high-effort and locationally themed videos are on the Red Bull main channel. (Ex. this 2021 Austria-themed video of Verstappen and Perez versus Gasly and Tsunoda partaking in many silly activities, including wearing lederhosen and boat racing, overseen by Red Bull's resident Darth Palpatine-esque figure Helmut Marko.)

Conclusion

Today's F1 promo content largely aims to give viewers a more goofy and "unfiltered" idea of what the drivers are like as people, allowing people to get more attached to specific drivers and form parasocial connections with them. Yet it was not always so! We don't start seeing more dialogue-heavy videos that strive to provide a more casual and "authentic" look into the Red Bull drivers until midway through Daniel Ricciardo's career as he starts treating the camera like a friend, seemingly giving us backstage access to what the drivers are "really" like. Through a more casual style of speaking to viewers and a focus on interactions between drivers, Red Bull social media is able to provide an avenue for drivers to show a more casual and relatable side to themselves.

Red Bull's previous focus on highflying stunts, travel montages, and limited or formal instances of driver dialogue portray the drivers as larger-than-life badasses who live big and ultimately unknowable lives to us commoners. This newer, more intimate style of video tries to do the opposite-- yes, the drivers live these crazy lives, but they put their pants (or racing suits) on one leg at a time too! They are unserious and relatable and (seemingly) knowable to us, allowing us normal people to get attached to them. You must first be known in order to be loved, and if fans love your drivers, it's good for business!

This shift largely seems to mirror the decline of celebrity mystique and the rise of celebrity relatability. Ex. Beyonce's been famous since the 90s and is (as is her right) private about her personal life, which in part fuels her idol status but also is frustrating to some of her fans. Meanwhile, younger celebrities like Selena Gomez or Emma Chamberlain built their brand off of being chronically online and (seemingly) unfiltered.

Future directions of study-- comparing other teams' channels. Danny Ric may have been partially to blame for Red Bull's shift in content, but I would like to do a deep dive into other teams as well.

Note: I put "authentic," "real," etc in quotes because at the end of the day, we are still strangers seeing a piece of media and do not actually know what public figures are actually like as people! Also disclaimer, I'm not really a fan of Red Bull as an institution given their questionable response to Christian Horner's misconduct allegations-- this investigation is more out of them being a good case study.

[the-carnival-of-time]

Louise -> Precious Angel Kitty Girl (Do not reupload to Tumblr without my permission)

[knifefightandchill]

RESIDENT EVIL 2 (2019)

↳ current playthrough gifs; 1/??

[mikeywayarchive]

8/21/22 // Oscar Moreno

[add1ictwithapen]

in case no one posted it yet here’s the new letter :)

[roffitoucan]

Last post for tonight cause i got a lil too silly

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Augusnippets Day 21: Delirium

cw: dissociation, scattered narrative, past torture, infected wounds, substance dependency, needles

previous // next

for the @augusnippets challenge // word count: 410

=~=~=

He dreams of rescue.

It's almost funny; he used to dream of rescue all the time, back when he was with Vic. Wake up and tamp it down and stop the tears before they fell; chase it away with extra training before breakfast, forget. 

Here in this cell, it doesn’t hurt so bad. Maybe it's because he knows it's a dying dream, and he's just grateful it's a pleasant one. Peace before the ending.

The spy (Sahota) (Ander) doesn't blame his team for failing to find him.

He could never blame his other team either. They didn't have the training, the knowledge. Just a bunch of kids; it wasn't their fault.

It isn't their fault.

Joy is kneeling over his body, checking his pulse, fingers grazing over the wounds that cover him

(branching pain, he screams when she brushes the bad one, just above his hip)

Jericho eases arms under him, lifts him, pulls him into a broad, warm chest. The spy (Sahota) shudders from the sudden heat, he's been cold for so long—

(is this how it feels to die?)

He can't hear what they're saying, but he can hear the worry. It's exactly how he would've staged it in a daydream, if he could've got his wits under him. Held, warm, surrounded by a gentle fear for his well-being. Hands are careful around his wounds, careful not to jostle his broken leg. He drifts somewhere else, and then his wounds are being cleaned.

(He would've thought the dream would end there, warm in someone's arms)

Smells the antiseptic, screams as it's applied.

Antibiotics, someone says, the only word he’s made out so far.

He's in pain, they hurt him, says the other voice, they hurt him so much.

Once upon a time the spy might've recoiled from the words, insisted he was fine, unbreakable.

But he is. They did. He only wants to sleep, someone watching over him to keep the monsters away, and the hands that keep him steady are gentle.

Sahota is vaguely aware of a needle at the crook of his arm, a pinch he barely feels. A second follows it.

The relief is near instantaneous, a different kind of comfort flooding his veins, warmer than the arms that carried him from the cell, whisking him away from the pain, so potently good 

(the creature stops clawing at his chest, momentarily content, wide awake)

He feels it. He's felt everything.

That must mean…

that must mean

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

its 10:22 pm and im still writing the next chapter why am i like this why do i write so much

[eyes-above--the-waves]

One of my favorite things about this year's Playoffs has been watching Matthew Knies evolve from the wide-eyed, fresh-face baby who is just happy to be here that he was last year, to the wide-eyed, fresh-faced baby who is just happy to be here AND will fuck your shit up that he is this year.

[whitepantiesonlyx12]

[gt-jar]

Two Worlds among the Stars

7. CHAPTER

<- previous | next ->

Word count: 4.125

The next time Noah woke up everything hurt. His entire body was aching. He was hoping it was just the consequence of his escape attempt yesterday, but his throat was just as sore as his muscles, and his head felt like he had run straight into a brick wall. There was no denying it, he was sick.

Great, that's exactly what he needed right now.

He lifted his head from his knees, only now noticing how stiff his neck was. Sleeping the entire night in a sitting position on a wooden table was definitely not one of his best ideas. But Noah was nothing, if not stubborn. And he had gotten his message across last night, so it was worth it. Maybe it finally went through the man's thick skull that he could shove his hypocrisy somewhere else. Speaking of which, where was that guy?

One look around showed that the giant wasn't sleeping in his bed anymore, Noah couldn't hear him either, which meant he wasn't nearby.

Just like that his morning felt a tiny bit less horrible.

Hopefully he would be gone for a while, Noah certainly wasn't in the mood for any talking, and with how great things were going for him at the moment the man surely was going to say something like “deserves you right for running away” or “it's your own fault that you're sick now”.

Not that he would be wrong. Just thinking about yesterday sent shivers down his back. All things considered, he was pretty lucky that he got off lightly with just a cold. Things could have ended a lot worse. But the last thing he needed right now was a lecture. His head was killing him already and he would like to avoid making it worse.

Noah let his head drop on his knees and closed his eyes again, maybe his headache would lessen like this. The position may be extremely uncomfortable, and he sure as hell wasn't doing his neck a favor, but it wasn't like he had better options right now. With the giant gone he was stuck on the table after all.

He still very much preferred the current peace over getting to the pillow on the man's nightstand. At least that's what he told himself.

He must have fallen asleep again, because the next thing he knew was that he woke up to a snapping sound. Noah forced his eyes to open, and sure enough the giant was snapping his fingers in front of his face. Why couldn't he just leave him alone?

“You okay, kid?” he asked with a furrowed brow.

“Sure, why wouldn't I be?” Noah answered, his voice involuntary taking on a defensive tone. Sure, he felt even worse than before, but that didn't mean he wanted to rub it in the man's face. If Noah was smart about it, the man wouldn't even notice that he was sick. Miss Harris never did either.

John didn't look convinced though. But as long as he would drop the matter, Noah didn't really care. He didn't have to believe him, Noah just wanted him to stop bothering him. Just until he felt better. Was that really too much to ask for?

“If you say so,” the man said.

He still eyed him suspiciously, but took a seat, so Noah counted it as a win, “how about some breakfast then? I'm sure you're hungry.”

Just like yesterday he prepared a plate with bread and jelly for the teen, pushing it half way between them. Noah already knew what was coming next and gritted his teeth in frustration.

“If you can sit with me to fool me, you can do it today as well,” he tapped his finger beside the plate, prompting him to come closer, “And remember, I'm not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

Noah flexed his fingers, pretty much everything else felt sore. He braced his hands on the table, before pushing himself up. Just standing up made him dizzy, but he pushed through it. His legs felt so weak, like they had no bones in them to support his weight. He made his way over to the food, every step was exhausting him further. Noah just prayed that the man would leave him alone after this. Unfortunately, the spinning in his head only got worse, everything was starting to blurry. He had no control over his body and before he knew it he was falling towards the table.

Before he could hit the hard surface though, a pair of large hands caught him. His arms and legs were swinging and kicking, trying to find out where up and down was. He tensed when something cold touched his head. He realized that John's thumb was pressing against his forehead, and that's when he heard a hiss from above.

“When exactly were you going to tell me that you have a fever?” The man didn't sound too happy about the fact that Noah had tried to hide his sickness from him. Noah didn't understand why it was such a deal though.

“Why would I? It's just a fever. It's not like I haven't dealt with those on my own before. I can take care of myself.”

Noah swore the man looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it.

Good for him.

Instead he huffed, and pulled him close as he walked over to his bed. As Noah was cradled against John's chest he realized just how cold he was.

Damn fever.

The desire to lean into the warmth the man's body was providing was almost unbearable. That guy was basically a living furnace! Thankfully, before he could do something really stupid, he was placed on the pillow that served as his bed.

Then John placed the plate with his breakfast and a thimble filled with water beside him on the nightstand.

“Get some sleep while I'm gone, and please do me a favor and try to eat something. I'll be back soon” After that he walked out the cave, probably to “work” as he called it.

For once Noah was too weak to argue and lied back down. John finally left him alone. That's what he had wanted after all.

Right?

John ended his patrol earlier than usual. There was no need to drag this out, after the show he pulled off, John doubted there would be any trespassers any time soon. And besides, he wasn't truly focused on his work anyway. His thoughts were somewhere else, worry clouding his mind, distracting him. To go home was an easy decision, the kid's well being was more important than his patrol right now.

When he got home, Noah was fast asleep, his breathing shallow and uneven. His blanket had slipped down a little in his sleep, so John pinched the hem between his fingers and pulled it up to Noah's chin again, carefully tucking the blanket around his shoulders. From the looks of it, the kid hadn't touched his food. Nor the water.

This wasn't good.

Neither of them had eaten last night, which meant the kid had skipped two meals already. John may not know much about humans, but this couldn't be healthy. Noah was already awfully light, even for a human, barely weighing anything to him. He needed to eat. And even John knew that it was important to drink enough fluids, when you were running a fever.

Ever since the village incident, John kept messing up. First losing his temper, and now the kid was sick, which was partly his fault. As if their situation wasn't bad enough as it was already. He could have avoided this, if he just made sure that Noah had properly dried himself off last night, instead of giving him a lecture. That could have easily waited until the next morning. John sighed, there was no point in dwelling on things that couldn't be undone, he needed to focus on the important things. Right now the kid needed his help, no matter what he claimed. And John was determined not to mess things up this time.

But who was he kidding, how could he not mess this up? He had no idea how to take care of a sick child, let alone a human child! He himself rarely got sick. What was he supposed to do? What if he accidentally made it worse? Okay no, overthinking wouldn't help Noah. Right now the kid was sleeping, which was probably good. Rest was good. What else? Right, basic needs. Noah still needed to eat.

John tried to remember what his mom used to cook, when he and his sister were sick. She always made them something that was easy on the stomach and didn't require much chewing. So he started to make soup.

The moment he wanted to throw the cut vegetables in the pot, a coughing fit startled him.

When he looked over his shoulder, Noah was sitting up, his body hunched over and cramped up. Coughs rattling his entire body. This probably was more than just painful to watch. John walked over to his nightstand and kneeled down beside it. His intention was to rub Noah's back to help him through his coughing fit, but when his fingers as much as brushed his back, the kid recoiled from contact as if his fingers had burned him. The boy sent him the nastiest glare John had seen in all their time together. He put his hands up to show that he meant no harm. Not that it had worked the last times he had tried to convince the kid that there was no need to be afraid. But hey! At least the coughing had stopped.

“Would you drop the act already?!”

John, for the first time truly oblivious to what the kid meant, asked, “What act?”

“Don't play dumb with me! You know exactly what I'm talking about! Stop pretending to be so nice!”

“What makes you think I’m pretending to be nice?”

“Oh, let me think. First of all, you have been terrorizing my village for fucking ages. And did you forget that I saw how you acted back at my village? How you threatened us. And now you want me to believe that you're a good guy? I don't know what you're hoping to achieve with this, but it won't work. So stop it.”

Well, the kid had a point.

John debated his next words. If he wanted the kid to believe him, when he said he didn't need to be afraid, he had to tell him the truth. Hopefully he won't regret his decision later.

“Okay, you got me, I was pretending,” before Noah could say anything about being right, John continued, “but I'm not pretending right now. I'm gonna be honest with you, this whole… big bad giant thing, how I acted at your village, that was just an act.” Noah made no move to Interrupt him, which he took as a good sign.

“I know you probably don’t believe me, but you're a smart boy. You probably figured out already that I'm just a normal guy. Except for my size there is nothing really special about me. And you're old enough to know that I didn't just… poof into existence.

I’m not the only giant. I have family. Friends. There’re a lot of other giants out there. And all these tales about us, that humans spread over the years, they are just a scheme to scare you off. We’re not blood-thirsty monsters, but… we pretend that we are, because it's the only thing that keeps us safe from you-”

“Safe? From us? You're kidding, right? What on earth could someone my size possibly do to threaten a fucking giant?” Noah barked.

“Kid, where do you think I got these from?” He pointed at his scars, “One human may not be able to do much damage, but numbers can make a big difference. And humans, who think their lives are at risk, are not known for their great decision making. You experienced that first-hand.”

“I'm sorry you got dragged into this. I truly am. I wasn't thinking when I took you with me, but I had to play along. I'm just trying to protect my kind.” John said, hoping Noah would understand.

“I'm not asking you to trust me and I'm not trying to gain anything from this, but please let me help you, at least until you're feeling better. You're more than welcome to go back to hating me after that. Just-”

“Could you just leave me alone?” Noah grumbled, no longer looking at him.

John sighed and stood up. This went as well as expected. But he knew he wouldn't achieve anything by force. All he could do was give Noah the time and space he needed and hope for the best.

Not much later, the soup was ready. John took a spoon and tasted it. It was not as good as he remembered it, but it was pretty decent, if you asked him. His mom would be impressed.

He went back to his nightstand to get Noah, who was asleep once again. John couldn't help but frown. The kid looked even smaller, curled up under the blanket like this.

So fragile.

Like he could actually break, if John wasn't careful. Instead of waking him up or picking him up, he carefully slid his hands under the pillow and carried it with Noah on top over to the table, where his meal already waited for him. The poor kid wasn't even aware of it.

Now came the hard part.

John sat down and gently nudged Noah's shoulder with his knuckle. Noah stirred a little but didn't wake up.

“Time to wake up, kid,” he whispered and nudged the kid again.

Thankfully, the boy's baby blue eyes finally blinked open. They were all glazed over, a far cry from the sharp gaze the kid usually had. It made something inside John's chest squeeze.

“Hey, I made you soup,” John said in a hushed tone.

“Not hungry” Noah mumbled and wanted to roll over, but John couldn't let him do that.

“Hey, none of that, you need to eat, if you wanna get better.”

John slipped his hand under Noah's back and guided him into a sitting position. He didn't pull his hand away though, the man doubted that the boy had enough strength to sit up on his own, with the way he was leaning against his palm.

“Work with me here, kid. Just a few spoons and then you can go back to sleep,” John scooped up some broth with his other hand and brought the spoon to Noah's lips. But all Noah did was turn his head away. John wondered if the boy was just trying to be difficult or if it was really this bad.

“Noah, you need to eat. Please,” John subconsciously started to rub Noah's shoulder with his thumb.

“And then you'll leave me alone?” At this moment Noah looked so much younger than fifteen. With his bleary eyes and frail voice. If John hadn't been worried before, he definitely would be now.

“Yeah, promise.” John gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. After another moment of hesitation, Noah finally opened his mouth.

“There we go,” John murmured, being visibly relieved about finally getting the kid to eat something. The process continued for a few minutes, with John whispering soft praises. He was able to feed Noah a few spoons, before the boy stopped to open his mouth, signaling that he had enough. He didn't eat much, but it was better than nothing. A few drops of broth dribbled down Noah's chin and John used the pad of his thumb to gently whip it away. The boy didn't even try to bat it away. At this point the poor kid could barely keep his eyes open.

John slowly lowered his hand down onto the pillow and pulled it out underneath Noah's back. As soon as his head hit the pillow the boy was out like a light again.

The man tucked him back in and let him sleep. Sleeping was probably the best for him right now. John debated on carrying the kid back to the nightstand, but decided against it. This way he could keep a better eye on the kid.

While Noah slept, John spent the rest of the day working on his newest little project, glancing over to where the human was laying from time to time. The piece of wood slowly but surely shaping into what he had in mind. Sure, he could be more productive, but John didn't have the heart to leave the sick child alone. He wanted to be nearby just in case he needed something, when he woke up.

He knew that it was very unlikely, but it was a possibility.

John had thought the silence would be a welcomed change, but it had the exact opposite effect. It filled him with dread. He would prefer it, if Noah kept insulting and glaring at him, if that meant the kid was feeling better. Seeing Noah being so still made him uneasy.

He glanced over again and saw that the kid was silently watching him, his eyes half-lidded, but awake nonetheless.

“Hey there, sleepy head. That cold took its toll on you, huh?” John looked at him with a sad smile.

“Been worse,” Noah said even though that was a complete and utter lie, he couldn't remember the last time he felt this awful.

He flinched when the man reached for him and placed his thumb on his forehead to feel his temperature again.

“Shh, I'm just checking.”

Maybe John was just imagining things, but to him it seemed like Noah was warmer than this morning. No wonder he was sleeping so much.

The man didn't pull his hand back right away. Instead he brushed his thumb over Noah's head a few times, almost tenderly stroking the hair out of his face. “See, everything is okay.”

Against Noah's will his eyes started to water, so he closed them. He couldn't remember the last time someone touched his head not to strike him. The gentle strokes felt so… good. Almost soothing his headache away. He could fall asleep like this.

But then the comforting touch was gone again.

Noah blamed his current state for wanting it back. How childish of him to even think such a thing. The fever was starting to mess with his head. Noah hoped this wouldn't last long.

“You can say it, y'know?” The boy rolled onto his back, so he didn't have to see John's face.

“Say what?”

“That it deserves me right for running away.” Noah just wanted to get this conversation out of the way.

There was a pause, then a sigh.

“Noah, believe it or not, but I don't enjoy seeing you like this. I really do want to help you. Here how about this, what would you usually do when you're sick?

“Working,” Noah answered dryly.

“You're kidding, right?” Noah's dead-pan expression told him otherwise.

“But didn't you say you're fifteen? I know I'm not a human expert, but I'm sure children aren't supposed to work.”

Noah scoffed at that.

“So? Money was always tight at the orphanage. And Miss Harris used to say, if I wasn't gonna be adopted, I could at least make myself useful.”

“Why would she say that?” The man asked quietly. Softly.

Noah let out a humorless laugh “Who would want a brat like me?” He almost wanted to turn his head to see the man's face, but decided it wasn't worth it. Then he added in a much softer voice, “And besides… I’m too old to be adopted anyway. People want the little kids, y’know the cute ones.” And with that he rolled over, signaling that their conversation was over.

Later that night, John was still sitting at the table, watching over Noah. Usually he went to bed relatively early, but worry kept him wide awake. His assumption had been correct. Noah's fever got worse. Through the day he had been drifting in and out of consciousness. Right now it seemed like he had settled in for the night, although it looked far from a peaceful slumber. The boy was curled up into a little ball and his brow was knitted in discomfort.

But that wasn't what had John worried.

In addition to the fever, Noah had started to have chills around noon, shivering under his blanket like a withered leaf in the wind, even after John had put more wood into the fire. It even seemed like the shivering just got worse the more time went by. John was running out of ideas. He couldn't just go to bed and leave the kid like this. Then an idea crossed his mind. Maybe it was stupid, but it couldn't hurt to try.

John gently rubbed Noah's shoulder to see if he would wake up. Luckily, the kid remained asleep. John took a breath and carefully scooped Noah up in his hand, who was not happy about being disturbed and the loss of his blanket. The kid started to stir, a quiet whimper escaping him. John quickly shushed him, silently praying that Noah wouldn't wake up. “Shh, I know, I know. Just sleep, everything is okay.” Thankfully that seemed to work and Noah settled down again. John just hoped it stayed that way, because there was no way the kid would let him do this if he was awake.

John placed the boy in the crook of his arm, if the fire wasn't working, maybe body heat would. Just when he pulled his hand away, Noah's face scrunched up. John wanted to kick himself for thinking this would work, an excuse already forming on his lips, but to John's surprise Noah didn't wake up.

No, quite the opposite actually. He rolled over, now facing John's torso, and curled up. John didn't dare to move. Or breath. He let a few moments pass to see if the kid really wasn't going to wake up. But even after several minutes Noah remained asleep.

This was… unexpected.

Unfortunately, the kid was still shivering. But maybe if he…? John knew he was pushing his luck, but still lowered his hand again, cupping it behind Noah's back, providing warmth from both sides. Absent-mindedly John started to stroke his thumb over Noah's back. Soon the shivering stopped and for the first time Noah's body seemed to relax, his troubled expression slowly melting away, and turning into something softer, still not fully relaxed but much more at ease.

It was hard to believe that this boy was the same one that had yelled at him yesterday. The boy had never let his guard down. Always ready to fight or flight. Always on alert. It made John's heart sink, that this was the only time the kid was this calm around him.

It was easy to forget just how young Noah was. But right now you could see past the mask he was wearing. With him being sick and John holding him like this. The man being well aware that he was holding Noah in a way someone would hold a child much younger than him.

He was just a kid. A kid that went through a lot already.

There was this tight feeling inside his chest again, but he ignored it.

Just when John wanted to relax now that the shivering had stopped, the kid began to move again.

The man, already fearing the worst, prepared himself to be cussed out.

Imagine his surprise when all the kid did was nestle closer to him, burying himself deeper into the warmth. And to top it off he grabbed his shirt in a loose fist and let out a content little sigh.

For a moment everything stilled.

John couldn't believe that really just happened. The kid was seriously snuggling up to him, even if it was just to seek warmth. Or maybe there was more to it.

But now was not the time to think about it.

Instead John went back to stroking Noah's back, while his shocked face turned into a fond smile. Under different circumstances he would consider this the most adorable thing he has seen in his entire life. But he knew if it weren't for Noah's bad state of health, this would have never happened. The kid still hated his guts.

And yet…

“And you say you're not cute,” John chuckled quietly, shaking his head.

The man leaned back in his chair, making himself more comfortable. Looks like he was going to sit here a little longer.

Though, John found that he didn't really mind.

Taglist: @da3dm @himbogiants @coffehbeans @mehs-mini-magic

[arc852]

21. Coveted

Definition: greatly desired

Summary: With spring break approaching and Grian and Joel packing, Jimmy decides now is a good time to head back into the walls to prepare for the following weeks alone. He is stopped by Grian and Joel.

G/t: Grian and Joel are normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower

Word Count: 2070

AO3 Link

This is probably one of my favorites in the BBBCAU! I hope you guys enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Jimmy knew, with the end of the semester, marked the start of spring break. Which meant most students would be going back home for a couple of weeks. For Jimmy, this usually meant he would have to stock up on supplies and seek out the few students who would be staying the whole time. Borrowing during breaks was always a hit or miss, something he learned back when he first moved into the college dorms.

 He didn’t think anything would be different now, even with Joel and Grian knowing about him. They both had families they wanted to get back to after all. He had overheard them talking about plans they had for over the break. So with them leaving, that meant he would be going back to how things used to be. 

 Honestly, he hasn’t visited his own home in the walls for weeks now. He hadn’t really had a reason to. Not when Joel and Grian offered up their room for him to stay in. Now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t borrowed in about as long. Not when Joel and Grian were willing to share food and other things with him.

 Has he been relying too much on the two of them?

 Jimmy shook his head. He didn’t want to get into that line of thought. They were his friends and friends did things for each other. That’s what he’s learned, at least. Even if he felt like he wasn’t offering as much to the two of them as they were to him. 

 Anyway, he had to get ready for the long weeks ahead and get back into the swing of things. Especially with how rusty he must be. 

 He stood up from his spot on the nightstand, having been watching Joel and Grian pack and talk with one another about their plans. He started climbing down and could feel some attention turn to him. Joel and Grian were used to this though and mostly just kept an eye on him to make sure they knew where he was in order to avoid any…accidents.

 Jimmy was thankful for that.

 Once his feet hit the floor, Jimmy started on his way toward the entrance he had into this room. He hadn’t used it in so long he almost forgot where it was but thankfully he remembered it was underneath Grian’s desk. As he made his way, he was careful to not look at Grian and Joel. From this angle, it was still terrifying to see them. No matter how long he’s known the two humans, he doesn’t ever think he will quite get over the sheer size difference.

 As he made it under the desk, he realized there was a box blocking his way back into the walls. With a slight annoyed huff, he turned back around. Looks like avoiding his friends from the floor was a no go this time. “Hey, Grian! Can you move this box, please?!” Jimmy yelled from the floor. Thankfully, Grian heard him and carefully walked over.

 Jimmy turned away but felt more comfortable looking again when Grian kneeled down on the floor. “Oh, sorry Tim.” Grian grabbed the box and Jimmy backed away a few steps to get out of the way as Grian dragged it out and away from the wall. “Did you need to grab a few things or something? You haven’t wanted to go back into the walls for a while.”

 Jimmy looked at him a bit confused. “No, I just figured I’d go ahead and start on getting things ready now. Most people will be gone by tomorrow and even more by the next day, I gotta get going before everything’s been cleaned and packed.” He noticed as he was talking that Joel came over to crouch down behind Grian to see what was going on.

 “Jim, what are you talking about?” Joel asked, just as confused as Jimmy himself felt.

 “I gotta stockpile on food for spring break.” Jimmy put it plainly. “If I don’t start now, I might miss out on some things. But don’t worry, I was gonna come back and say goodbye before you guys left tomorrow.”

 Grian and Joel blinked, their eyes going wide as they looked at each other. Realization crossing their features. “We forgot to ask him.” Joel said.

 “I didn’t think we even had to! I thought it was obvious!” Grian exclaimed and now Jimmy was even more confused. Why was being around these two always so confusing for him?

 “Now what are you two on about?” Jimmy asked, gaining their attention back.

 “Timmy, honestly…” Grian started and trailed off as he shook his head and scooped Jimmy off the ground. Jimmy yelped as he was suddenly lifted up and even more so as Grian stood up. He was brought up to chest level. “We weren’t just going to leave you alone for two weeks.”

 “Yeah!” Joel chimed in on his other side. “I thought we made it clear you didn’t have to borrow and stuff anymore.”

 “But…well, yeah, I know that Joel. But I know you guys aren’t staying here for spring break. You’ve already talked about going back home. Which is fine, I know you guys wanna see your families. I’ll be fine, I just gotta go and start borrowing now.” Jimmy tried to explain. He didn’t want them missing their vacations because of him.

 “My goodness you’re an idiot.” Grian mumbled.

 “Hey!” Jimmy yelled, face flushed. What wasn’t he getting?

 “Jimmy, we’re not planning on leaving you alone but we’re also still going back home. Which means…?” Grian tried, leaving the last bit of his sentence in the air for Jimmy to finish. Unfortunately, Jimmy was still confused.

 “Uh…” Jimmy let out a noise but otherwise didn’t know how to answer. Thankfully, Joel stepped in.

 “Which means we’re taking you with us, dummy.” Joel said.

 Jimmy blinked. And then blinked again. “Wait, what?”

 Grian sighed and if he wasn’t already using both hands to hold Jimmy, he would have used one to pinch the bridge of his nose. “We’re not leaving you here all alone to try and fend for yourself. We promised you would never have to worry about borrowing or going hungry again.” His voice became softer, which was unusual for Grian. “We’re not going back on that promise just because we’re leaving the dorm for a couple of weeks.”

 “O-Oh…y-you guys really mean it?” When he was met with nods from both humans, some tears started forming. “I just…sorry, I just assumed I would be staying here. I-I didn’t think…” Of course he knew they cared for him. They were friends and had been for months now. But the dorms were his home. They weren’t Grian and Joel’s. He just figured they would all be ‘going home’ per say, for spring break.

 “I told you we should’ve asked.” Joel said, glaring at Grian. Grian rolled his eyes and then suddenly there was a giant thumb in his face. It gently wiped away the tears that had started to fall without him realizing. 

 “Come on, don’t cry on us, it was just a misunderstanding.” Grian said, but his tone was still soft. “Is that okay? Going home with one of us?” 

 Jimmy nodded, wiping up the last of his tears. “Y-Yeah, I would really like that.”

 “Then it’s all settled.” Grian said, setting Jimmy back down on the nightstand. “So unless you need to grab something, there’s no need to go back in the walls.”

 “Yeah, no, I’m good.” He’s gone this long without needing anything from there. He already had everything he needed out here, after all. But he quickly realized there was one thing that hadn’t been made clear to him. Especially considering both Grian and Joel were going to two different places. “Um, who am I going home with by the way?”

 “Me.” Both Grian and Joel said at the same time and then looked at each other in surprise.

 “Joel, I thought we already discussed this and agreed I was going to be the one to take him.” Grian said, eyes narrowing.

 “What?! No, I definitely remember me being the one who we agreed would take Jimmy home.” Joel yelled back.

 Jimmy laughed nervously. “Uh, guys?”

 “When the heck did that happen? No, I’m taking Jimmy home.” Grian said, pointing at himself and then crossing his arms.

 “No, I’m taking Jimmy home!” Joel did the same, crossing his arms with a huff.

 “Guys!” Jimmy shouted, finally gaining their attention. “Stop fighting, I’m not-I-I mean, I’m surprised this is even something you guys are arguing about.”

 Something crossed their features briefly before becoming neutral again. So fast Jimmy couldn’t hope to try and figure out what emotion it had been. “Of course it is. You’re our friend Jim, we want you with us.” Joel said, uncrossing his arms.

 “Ah! W-Well…” Jimmy said, feeling flustered again. It was kind of nice when they said it out loud like that.

 “There really is no use arguing though.” Grian reasoned. “We’ll never come to an agreement at the rate we’re going. So, how about we let Jimmy decide who he wants to go with?”

 “Wait, what?” Jimmy asked.

 Joel nodded. “That sounds reasonable and fair.” Both humans turned to Jimmy. “So, who’s it gonna be?”

 “W-Wait! I can’t choose between the two of you! I’d feel bad for whoever I didn’t pick…” Jimmy said as he trailed off. He really couldn’t choose between the two of them, they were both his friends after all.

 “You don’t have to feel bad, Jim. We’ll be fine with whoever you pick.” Joel said, his tone going softer.

 Grian nodded in agreement. “Yeah, whoever you don’t pick now, well, that just means you get to go with them for the next break we have.” He explained. If they did it like that, then all Jimmy would have to do is choose once and then they would just go back and forth from there. No more arguing after that.

 “Still…I don’t know how I’m supposed to choose.” But Jimmy knew he was really the only one who could. He sighed and tried to think. Maybe…if he tried figuring some more stuff out. “Okay. well, um…what are you guys going to do while back home?”

 The two humans blinked, not expecting to be questioned. Joel was the first one to answer with a simple shrug. “I mean, my plans were really just to hang out with family and relax. Nothing too exciting honestly.”

 Jimmy nodded and then turned to Grian. Who was not only glaring at Joel but also looked a bit down. “Uh, Grian? What were your plans?”

 Grian crossed his arms and looked away. “My family and I were, uh…gonna go river rafting.”

 Joel laughed out loud while Jimmy once again became confused. “River rafting?”

 Joel leaned down with a big smirk. “It’s when you get an inflatable boat and take it out on a river and let the water take you wherever it pleases, basically.” 

 Jimmy’s eyes widened at the explanation and he suddenly pointed at Joel. “I choose Joel.”

 “Yes!” Joel celebrated, pumping his fists in the air. Meanwhile, Grian looked defeated.

 “Sorry Grian, but that sounds way too dangerous for me. Next time though?” Jimmy said, trying to cheer Grian up.

 Grian sighed but then lifted his head, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, I figured. It’s all good though Tim, next time for sure.” He reached over and ruffled Jimmy’s hair with a finger.

 Jimmy laughed and tried to push the finger away playfully. Grian took his hand back and Jimmy smiled, happy he wasn’t taking not being picked too badly. He must have realized it would be a bad idea to take Jimmy with him too, once he remembered what he and his family were going to do.

 “Alright, we’re losing daylight here. Let’s finish packing and then we can go grab something to eat. And then we should probably head to bed. We all have a big day tomorrow, after all.” Joel said as he turned back to his suitcase.

 “Sounds like a plan to me.” Grian said, going back to folding his socks. 

 “Sounds great.” Jimmy chimed in, sitting down on the nightstand and once again going back to watching and listening as they talked and packed.

 He couldn’t wait to go home with Joel for the break.