#t: ptsd

[killugonficlibrary]

full count by nogoodalone ( T | 73,866 | 13/13 )

Killua Zoldyck’s carefully crafted strategy to graduate early was all going according to plan. Until the beginning of his last scheduled year, when his academic advisor decided to share that he was missing all of his required athletics credits. And that all gym classes were full for the year. And, no, scanning into the workout center once a week could not count for credit.

What could count for full credit, though, was being a practicing athlete on a university sports team for a minimum of two semesters. Great news for the men’s baseball coach whose team desperately needed a new pitcher and was willing to give opposite-of-athletic Killua a shot. No hitting required, minimal fielding promised, and an unexpectedly killer curveball later, and Killua had a #99 jersey with his last name on it.

The issue? Killua knew nothing about baseball. Luckily for him, team captain and catcher Gon Freecss had selflessly volunteered to teach Killua everything he needed to know about the game outside of practices.

Luckily for him, Killua loved study sessions. And baseball pants. And maybe the fact that things didn’t always go according to plan.

~~~

a modern uni & baseball killugon au | for the 2023hxhbb

[gt-daboss]

The Double Lie

Warnings: PTSD implied, Heavy Angst, lots of crying, self-hate, lots of tension, kinda whumpy (but a happy ending!)

~1500 words

(This is by far my most self-indulgent story I've ever posted)

“Honey!” A sickly sweet voice called from the kitchen, her voice as songlike as he had always remembered it, yet like everything after his escape, it felt different. “The cookies are cooled, do… do you want to eat them together?”

There it was, the very fact that she had to ask. He hated it. Why did she have to ask him to eat cookies together- why? He knew the answer, but it only made it worse: Because I asked her to.

Before he could even properly respond, her head peeked through the crack in the doorway. Her eye, larger than his head, scanned the room for him. “Oh- were you sleeping?” Cleo suddenly whispered, before spotting him on his desk.

Markus almost didn’t want to respond, as though if he stayed silent his problems would too, but alas… “No, sorry, just… focused…” he almost left it at that, but seeing her dejected face made him stir up some extra courage, “I-I’d love for a cookie, actually, that would be great.”

Building up courage to talk to your wife, you’re so pathetic

It didn’t help that she was taking deliberately quiet steps, no doubt so that she wouldn’t ‘startle’ him like she had their reunion together.

With a clack, Cleo set the plate down on his desk and sat down opposite to him. The smell of her cooking made him look up at the treat she was offering. Three cookies for herself, and one -much smaller, though still giant-sized- for him. The scene brought back so- so many memories, but as with everything, the same creeping feeling returned to ruin it.

“So…” Cleo said, plucking the chocolate-infused wafer between two fingers, raising it quickly to the sky. “How’s the book going? Your editor finally ready to publish?”

Right, his book, the story of what happened to him, thankfully, he had already finished it, meaning he would hopefully be able to leave that part of his life behind. “It’s going… we’re hoping to finalize it this week actually.”

Cleo’s eyes sparked with joy, her wonderful smile that he loved lit up like a firework, even he couldn’t suppress a smile seeing it, she was just that infectious. “Oh my god, that's wonderful! You better eat your cookies now, you deserve it. Plus,” she said, in a singsong voice, raising her treat to her mouth and taking a bite, “these have gotta be the best cookies I’ve ever made, seriously babe.”

But instead of responding in kind, supporting his wife, or even just saying nothing at all, He couldn’t. Without even thinking, he blurted

“Can- can you chew quieter?” already as he said it he felt like an asshole, Cleo had gone out of her way to give him a treat, to help him- And he was spitting on her. Quickly scrambling, he added, “It- damnit- It just… it reminds me of uhm… of what those people did.”

Cleo stared blankly, if only for a moment, but it was all he needed to let the self-loathing continue. It was only a matter of time at this point; he was a shell of who he once was, he knew it, his friends knew it, and now, Cleo would know it too.

“Oh- oh uhm, yeah, of course, of course I can. Yeah, that was kind of silly of me to not notic-”

“No,” he interrupted, he couldn’t stand the thought of slowly losing her, slowly watching as her love for him, her love for who he once was, slowly fall apart as she realized that man was gone. At least- at least, if I go out on my own terms, I can save her the time of realizing it for herself, at least this will be quick. “You- you don’t have to appologize for me being a half assed piece of shit.”

Cleo’s eyes widened, stuttering for a moment, “Markus, you-”

“I just- why do you even humor my requests when they are stuff like that? You’re a giant, and you need to eat, I… I shouldn’t even be asking you to do stupid things like that to make myself feel better.”

Markus couldn’t even meet her eyes, but he felt them boring a hole into him, like ripping off a band-aid.

“It-it’s not stupid if it makes you more comfortable,” she responded, but her voice sounded strained, like she was struggling to talk to him, his heart ached at the thought, but it has to be this way.

“Dammit Clee’ I- I just- I’m scared of you chewing loudly, I’m- my heart races when I hear loud footsteps,” He responded, eyes averted as he grit his teeth and looked down, as if that would ease the pain. “I can’t even be around you without making you follow my bullshit ‘rules’ because I’m- I’m scared, and I don’t know why but I am. How- How can you even be around someone like that?”

Now Cleo’s voice sounded very strained, a giant-sized frog in her throat blocking her airways. he knew if he looked up he would see her distraught face, tears brimming her eyes. “Because, Markus,” She said, sniffing and swallowing her frog, “I love you. Is that not enough?”

There was no turning back now, “Cleo,” he started, his own vocals betraying him as well as he struggled to get his thoughts past his tongue. “The man you used to love is gone, I-I’m not him anymore, I’m not strong, I’m not brave, I’m pathetic. You don’t deserve someone who can’t-”

“That's enough!” Cleo shrieked, “I won’t I won’t hear another damn word. Not one. Not one!” she glared daggers into him, as if daring him to interrupt her passion. Eyes wet, she could still see his small form on her desk, the person she had failed to protect.

“I said I love you,” She screamed, her voice shaking with a hurricane of rage, fear, and love. “Not you from the god damn past, not your- your imagined version of yourself where you are ‘strong-’ I love,” she hiccuped from the tears, before jamming a finger in his direction. “You. The man standing in front of me right god damn now, and nobody else!”

Neither responded for a while; only the heavy, exasperated breathing of the giant and her occasional hiccups were heard.

“Cleo…” but his words ignited the fire inside her once again,

“You- you wanna talk about the real ‘half assed piece of shit,’ well you’re looking right at her! Right in front for everyone to see,” she rebuked, tears streaming down her face like a river. “The only- the only giant who would let their human lover get kidnapped right under her fucking nose because she was such a half assed piece of filth!”

“You- You talk about strength as if somehow- as if SOMEHOW, you have lost it. I can’t imagine how, considering while I was sitting at home, with all the ‘strength’ in the world, utterly fucking useless. All I could do was sit in this house, and cry, cry until my voice went hoarse, so nothing. While you not only saved yourself, but everyone else who had been captured by those vile, despicable cockroaches- I couldn’t even get myself off the floor to HELP YOU!”

…

It seemed Cleo had wanted to say more, but her body wouldn’t let her- voice hoarse and constant hiccups, sniffs, and floods of tears making it impossible to do anything but look at her lover while she tried to calm down. It wasn’t easy, but eventually both of their hearts stopped racing at last. Wiping her tears from her eyes, Cleo moved from her chair to her knees, looking upward at Markus on the desk.

“I just… I just-” she tried to start, but her fire from earlier was gone, “I just never got to say that I was sorry, sorry for letting that happen to you- you came back and I-I- I wanted to say it right away, but I knew you were hurting and didn’t want to put my own stress on your plate, All of this could have been prevented in the first place if I… if I…”

“Cleo,” he interrupted, again, he couldn’t stand to see the love of his life in such constant distress, especially with him being the cause. “It’s not your fault.” Instead of responding right away, Cleo simply looked up at him.

And he looked back.

And suddenly, after being pressed against the neck of his wife in a hug, squeezing as tight as she could- as he did the same back- their problems seemed to go away. At least for this moment when they were together.

.

.

.

Phew~ done. Yeah, as I said at the beginning, this is definitely my most self-indulgent piece I've written. But I hope it was still enjoyable to everyone who read who ISN'T me lol

[sauronism]

can't stop thinking how galadriel's hyper vigilance from s1 and her endless pursuit for sauron is a manifestation from her ptsd. almost like a ritual for her to perform. an intrusive desire that she can't stop. seek the enemy so you can feel protected. seek the enemy so your people can feel protected. seek the enemy so you can be sure no one will get hurt. seek the enemy again so the kingdom can stay intact. seek the enemy again and again until your mind said enough.

[scrunckled-idiot]

I imagine Medic giving a check-up to a tiny (just to scare them of course) opening his own mouth in that uncanny smile like

"Now, say 'AAAAH~..."

And the poor thing so scared JSHSJ

—🍭 anon

teefs

[power-to-live]

yk what we absolutely NEED when we finish 100yq? A NEW MANGA/MOVIE OR WHATEVER WITH GRUVIA LIVING TGT. Like yk BEFORE gray left??? Bc i neeeeeed a slice of life/comedy abt their life tgt😰

[themulitipurposechannel]

Do I have assessments due? Yeh. Should I be studying? Probably 😂But like most things this just grabbed hold of my brain and won’t let go so here we are XD

.

But on a more serious note I think we’ve all felt this at some point or at least we all will eventually feel this. Esp as you get older and your body starts to fail or for those who ever got diagnosed with a life changing condition.. things just.. get hard when it used to be so easy.Esp if you’re also at that age (eg: teens/early 20s) where it should be your golden years you just.. get so angry. If that’s you then I’m sorry.. that this is happening to you. And I’m sorry that no one save God can take this away, but if nothing else, I hope you know, Anatawa hitorijanai.

[vanlegion]

Grimmons Nation Feeling like

[born2b-beheaded]

Understanding someone else's point of view does not mean I have to accept it as true and disagreeing does not mean I'm being disrespectful

[killugonficlibrary]

all the pretty lights by blueberryberet ( M | 47,633+ | 12/16 )

Killua is a rockstar with some… messy habits. That’s how he tells it to his sister when she calls, the reality of it is a lot more destructive.

Except now she’s not calling, she’s in his hotel room writing on his arm cast (no, he doesn’t remember how he broke it) and demanding to join him and his band for their cross-country tour. He can’t send her home for obvious reasons. He needs someone to keep an eye on her, or more accurately, keep her eyes off the disaster that is his life.

And when his band manager Bisky says she knows the perfect person he thinks that maybe, he’s finally got lucky, and maybe it will all be fine.

Except things are never, ever, fine with him.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚Uploads every Thursday and Sunday ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

[marshbarks]

did you guys hear the rumor? the king and his ranger snuggle at night!

[goodluckbabeheffron]

talk tuah podcast bastogne episode

[kanthonyficrecs]

Featured Fic (Canon Divergence)

Breaking The Wheel To Stop It Turning by WaterlilyRose

Rating: T

Summary: Everyone jokes that Anthony will be insufferable when Kate becomes pregnant with his fussing and worrying. No-one realises how right they all were.

[who-dat-homeless]

I hope there are rehabilitation/adaptation programs for starfleet officers

Because no matter how much I love them and believe they're a good people, at the end of the day they're an army men returning home from traumatizing events IT'S DANGEROUS TO LEAVE THEM WITHOUT SOCIAL HELP

[lockwood-fic-recs]

twirling snowflakes

by mazereid on ao3

Rating: T | Category: F/M | Relationship: Lockwood/Lucy

At some point during the dark winter, when Lucy has returned to Portland Row, she wakes up from a nightmare, and seeks comfort in a still awake Lockwood.

[paulinawoodpecker]

Comfort after T. rex attack

[hp-fanfic-archive]

The Second Kingdom by bluewinged_songbird (@darling-deerest-dead) Pairing: James/Sirius, Raising Harry Rating: T Word Count: 10k In the aftermath of Lily's death, James and Sirius struggle to raise Harry together. As if being in your early 20s wasn't already hard enough. (sequel to The First Kingdom)