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enid-rhees · 7 months ago

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amnesia | elisia brown x fem!reader

summary: you were never the same after Elisia broke up with you for her new boyfriend, and you start to question if she’s even truly happier with him, or if she ever was with you.

warnings: angst but comfort at the end. reader is fr going through it. weed (smoke responsibly!) reader has a bit of an addiction to it.

genre: exes to lovers

Elisia Brown Masterlist

(listen to this song because i am basing this story COMPLETELY around this song. i just added a happy ending for my own personal sanity.)

“just tell me the truth!” you cried. “why are you breaking up with me? we’re fine. everything is fine. i don’t understand.”

Elisia could only stare at you, but she was holding back her words. your heart started to rip open slowly. “tell me, Elisia.”

“i met someone.” she said quietly, staring down at the ground. your mouth fell open with a silent sob. the final string of your heart had been pulled, and you could only muster up the courage to whisper, “leave.”

the metal chains of the swing you sat on felt colder than the actual weather. you took your hands off of them and reached into the pockets of your hoodie, pulling out a joint and a lighter. you put the joint between your lips and lit it, immediately inhaling. you closed your eyes at the sensation of the smoke floating down to your lungs, exhaling and watching the smoke fly and disappear into the air.

you opened your eyes and looked over at the empty swing beside you, only moving back and forth slowly with the wind. in a sense, it still felt like Elisia was sitting here next to you. she would be talking about her day or how classes went, and you two would be passing a joint to each other every few minutes. your hands would be intertwined in the middle of the swings you sat on.

you tore your eyes away from the swing, the memories coming back were too much to handle. just being in this park was too much to handle, but you didn’t know where else to go. this is where you went to escape from everything, to be with Elisia and forget about your troubles, but you couldn’t even do that here anymore.

everywhere reminded you of Elisia. the park, your own home, school, everywhere. you wished that you could just forget about all of it, and move on. because clearly, Elisia did. you were a few steps behind on that.

you finished the joint and threw the empty filter to the ground, using your foot to burry it in the mulch. the effects had fully kicked in — you felt weightless. you leaned your head on the chain and continued to swing slowly.

your peace was ended when your phone started to ring. you sighed and pulled it out of your pocket, clicking the green button that illuminated your phone. “hello?” you asked, voice raspy from the joint. “Y/N? it’s Rowan.” her voice came through, and you sat back up. “what’s up?”

“i just… haven’t heard from you in a while. wanted to check up on you.” Rowan said. you sighed and looked down. “i’m fine.” you told her. there was a few moments of silence, and then Rowan said, “you don’t have to lie to me. i’m your friend. i wouldn’t have called if i wasn’t worried.”

“have you seen.. her? how is she?” you asked her, ignoring what she said. you couldn’t even say her name, it hurt too much. “she’s… doing fine.” you could tell Rowan was holding back saying more, but for the sake of you, she wouldn’t say it. “she’s with Ash right now.” you winced at his name and your fingers squeezed your phone tightly. you hummed in response, suddenly getting a tight feeling in your chest. “i gotta go, Rowan.”

“wait-“ you hung up and shoved your phone back in your pocket, squeezing your eyes shut as tears threatened to fall from them. you hated this, it was so stupid.

it’s been a month, and the same question still swarmed your head every minute. what did you do?

you and Elisia were perfect, absolutely perfect. you hadn’t fought, you trusted her wholly and she did the same, you didn’t understand what went wrong, why she decided one day that she didn’t want you anymore. did he make her happier? you broke your back for her, to make her happy even if it was for a minute. were you not enough? why was Ash so much better than you?

you missed Elisia. you missed her voice, her laugh, her hugs, her kisses, the list could go on. all you wanted was her. you just wanted her back. but does she want you back? does she still think about you the way you think about her? probably not, but you still held onto the little hope you had left.

everything suddenly felt like a lie — your entire relationship. Elisia seemed fine with Ash, she looked so happy. was she ever happy with you? how can she be fine? after two years of dating, breaking up didn’t effect her the way it effected you. did Elisia ever… love you? was she just waiting for the right moment to finally break it off?

you tried to shake the thoughts out of your head as quick as possible. the more you kept pondering the same questions, you would never move on.

you didn’t want to move on.

the sky started to slowly darken above you, and that was your sign to start going back home. you hopped off the swing and started to walk away towards the direction of your house.

when you made it back home, the house was dark and quiet. you walked inside your bedroom and flicked your light on so you could see. you opened your dressers and pulled out a loose shirt and shorts, changing into them and turning your light back off.

you fell into your bed and wrapped yourself in your blankets. next to you, on your bedside table, a picture of you and Elisia stared right at you. you never put it away after the breakup, you couldn’t find the strength to.

Elisia was smiling at you in the picture, lipstick marks decorating her face that was obviously done by you. you remember that day so clearly — you, Elisia, Rowan and Hailey were at Hailey’s house for the day and you started to scavenge through her makeup for fun. you applied a bright red lipstick shade to your lips and started attacking Elisia in kisses. Rowan had no choice but to take a photo.

you slammed the photo down so you couldn’t look at it and turned over in your bed — only to be met with the cat plushy Elisia bought you. hesitantly, you reached your hand out and took hold of the plushy, holding it close to your chest. it still smelled like Elisia, and you couldn’t help but bring your head down and sniff it. her scent used to be relaxing — relieving actually. every time she would take you in her arms, you felt safe, but you didn’t feel any of that when you held the plushy.

a single tear fell from your eye as you buried your face into your pillow, hoping the effects from the joint will erase all of this from your memory tomorrow.

“hey!” you heard a shout, you turned around and shut your locker as Rowan started to run towards you. a small smile made its way to your lips. “hi, Rowan.”

she pulled you into an unexpected hug. “it’s been a bit since i’ve seen you. you don’t even sit at lunch anymore. and you’re so quiet in our classes.” Rowan pouted. you sighed, feeling slightly guilty for shutting everyone out.

“i’m sorry, Ro. i’m just not… feeling that great.” Rowan pulled away but kept a hand on your shoulder. “do you need to talk about it? keeping it in will make it worse. i’m worried for you.” she spoke sincerely. you hesitated, “i’m just… not over her. and i don’t think i will be for a while, no matter how hard i try. i love her. i can’t just… move on the way she did.”

“i mean- everything reminds me of her, Rowan.” you said, voice cracking as you tried to keep it together in the hallway. “and i mean everything. we did everything together and it all had such… meaning. i can’t just forget everything we did. and i’m starting to think with the way she moved on- she never felt what i felt. that she never… loved me.” a few tears slipped from your eyes but you quickly wiped them away.

“don’t say that, Y/N.” Rowan spoke, but you shook your head. “how am i not supposed to think that, Rowan? nothing was wrong between us, we were perfect. i thought she was just as happy as i was, but i was wrong, and she found someone new when we were still together. she doesn’t love me and i don’t think she ever did. and that’s that. i couldn’t make her as happy as he does.” you stated firmly, even though it was getting harder by the second to keep yourself together. vocalizing your thoughts made everything feel more real. you tried to deny it, but now, maybe you were right.

you looked over Rowan’s shoulder, and you froze. Elisia was staring right at you, as if she had just heard everything you said. your throat felt tight as you looked away immediately. “i-i need to go.” you choked out. tears started to flow down your cheeks as you walked off as quickly as you could, ignoring Rowan shouting your name. your hand went over your mouth when you felt your face start to crinkle, on the brink of sobbing in the middle of the hallway.

you managed to find a bathroom and locked yourself in one of the stalls. now that you were alone, the sobs broke free. you couldn’t help the cries that left your lips, and you didn’t have the energy to try and muffle them. you just needed to let everything out. saying everything out loud made it all too real, and now you couldn’t handle it.

after what felt like maybe 20 minutes, you took a few deep breaths and wiped your eyes for a good minute. you left the stall and went to the sink, taking a paper towel and soaking it in water to pat against your face. you stared at your reflection for a moment. anyone who walked past you could easily tell something was wrong just by looking at your bloodshot eyes.

you left the bathroom and found the nearest exit, finally leaving that awful building. the walk home was excruciatingly long as you were only left with your racing thoughts.

when you saw Elisia, that was the first you had seen her in a while — practically since the break up — and of course it had to be when you were talking about her. she looked tired, and her eyes were filled with sadness when you guys locked eyes. seeing her was too much to bare, you couldn’t do it. so you ran. seeing her face brought you back to the night she broke up with you.

as you walked down the street, shouting could be heard from the coffee shop across from you. you stopped in your tracks when you realized who it was. Elisia and Ash. you couldn’t understand what they were yelling about, their voices yelling and mashing into each other. but you could very clearly see Elisia was distressed, while Ash only grew more irritable at her.

is this what she left you for?

you hoped Elisia remembers the countless love letters you’ve written for her, stored away in a box you made just for her. you hope she goes back in that box during times like this, and reads the words you wrote her when he tears her down like that.

there wasn’t anything you could do, so you turned around and began walking back home. their voices faded out the farther you walked, and eventually it was quiet again. it was just you, alone… again.

your house was quiet when you unlocked the door — no surprise to you. you didn’t even bother trying to call out anyone’s names — they weren’t there, they never were anymore. your bag fell to the floor with an echoed thump, and you sunk into your couch cushions.

sleep started to overcome you and your eyes began to slowly droop until they shut completely, and you fell asleep a few moments later.

“y/n.” Elisia stood in front of you. still looking as beautiful as ever.

“i’m sorry.” she said in a whisper, voice cracking and eyes filling with tears. “i- i should’ve never broken up with you like that. it was stupid, i’m still in love with you. i never stopped. please… i just want you back.”

your eyes stared into hers, unsure if you should believe her or not. you wanted to give in right away, to lean in and kiss her for the first time in a month. you wanted to finally feel her soft lips against yours like you would every single day before she ended everything.

“i want to believe you- but-“ Elisia cut you off. “please believe me.” she cried. Elisia took a few steps forward, hands hesitantly reaching to grab yours. your hand flinched under her touch, but you relaxed immediately at the feeling. no matter what, she would never stop having that effect on you.

Elisia leaned forward slowly, lips parting as they got closer to yours. your lips locked, and-

“Y/N!” a shouting voice woke you up, and you looked around before your eyes landed on Rowan. her eyebrows raised in worry, “are you okay?”

“how- how did you get in?” you asked, rubbing the tired out of your eyes. “you left your door unlocked. i called and texted you like a million times and you weren’t answering. so i came here to see if you were okay… and- and you kept mumbling Elisia’s name in your sleep.”

you sighed and put your head in your hands. the couch dipped as Rowan sat down next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulders. “i saw them fighting today. outside the coffee shop.” you told Rowan, lifting your head back up. she furrowed her eyebrows. “me and Elisia… never fought. not even once. and it seemed like that wasn’t the first time they’ve done that.”

“did you hear what it was about?” Rowan question, but you shook your head. “no… they were yelling so much that their words were just… tangled together. i couldn’t understand what either of them were saying, but i could tell you that Elisia looked heartbroken, and Ash.. he just looked mad. she doesn’t deserve whatever he’s doing to her.”

Rowan pouted, “she doesn’t seem the same anymore. whatever’s going on between them… she’s changed.” you sighed and stood up. “i don’t understand. i don’t understand why she would leave me for this. what did i do wrong?”

“i don’t think you did anything wrong, Y/N. i think Elisia just… thought this is what she wanted. but me and you both know it’s not. we just have to hope that she sees that one day.” you nodded. “i just hope she still has those letters i wrote her. and she rereads them when he says those awful things to her.”

Rowan stood up with you and pulled you into a tight hug. “i know you guys haven’t spoke since the breakup, but i know she still cares so much about you.”

“did she say anything when she you know… overheard me?” Rowan sighed in your hair, “no. but she looked… different. like she was contemplating hard.”

you were back at the park. despite how much it hurt to be here, you didn’t know where else to go. you stuck another joint between your lips and lit the end of it, sucking in the harsh smoke. it almost hurt your throat, but you got used to it.

you pulled your wired earbuds out of your pocket and plugged them in your ear, raising the volume up as you clicked on a playlist.

your head hit the metal chain you were holding onto. it made your hands freeze, but they slowly warmed up the more you smoked. you closed your eyes and sunk into the music that played through your earbuds. everything around you was finally blacked out from your thoughts, and you felt weightless. finally at some sort of peace.

you planted your feet on the ground and pushed yourself forward, letting yourself start to swing. you didn’t go too high, your feet barely left the ground, but it felt good when your head was fuzzy. the air pushing through your face felt so good.

you suddenly felt the metal bar above you creek, as if someone sat down on the vacant swing next to you. you almost didn’t want to open your eyes, but something forced you to. your eyes slowly opened as you turned your head, and you froze in your place.

“Elisia?” you whispered after a long, silent moment.

“hey.” she said hesitantly, looking down at her hands and fumbling with the bracelets around her wrist. you looked down at them, tears already lining your eyes. she never took off the ones you gave her. you shook your head and rubbed your eyes “what do you want?” you asked, voice going lower.

“to talk.” is all she said. you raised your eyebrows, and Elisia sighed. “to apologize.” she reiterated. “i broke up with Ash.” she told you, and you tried to ignore the jump your heart did. “and… i know you saw what happened yesterday.” she added on quietly.

you didn’t say anything. “i don’t know what i was thinking.” Elisia chuckled to herself. “no one can ever… be as good to me as you were, Y/N.” she said, moving her body so she was facing you entirely. your blank expression didn’t budge, you didn’t want to give into this so quickly.

“me and him… we just fought so much. and it was always because of him. he just- he wasn’t who i thought he was. but you- you were so perfect, so kind, and you treated me so good, i don’t know why i ever thought to hurt you like i did. because i know what it’s doing to you and it’s killing me, Y/N.” the tears came back into your eyes as you avoided eye contact with her. “i’m so sorry, Y/N. and i know that’s not enough, and nothing will be after what i did. but…”

“i’m still in love with you, Y/N. i never stopped loving you, ever. i thought about you every single day, everything i saw reminded me of you. you’re meant to be in my life, and i was so stupid to not see that.”

you sucked in a deep breath, not knowing what to say after that. you’ve spent a month telling yourself that Elisia had never truly loved you after leaving like that, but now Elisia is saying the complete opposite. are you supposed to believe her? you want to, so bad. but you’re scared of getting hurt again.

“i want to believe you, Elisia.” you finally spoke up, voice cracking as you tried not to break. “but i just don’t know what to believe. you left me like it was nothing, you left me so easily and it made me believe that you had never loved me the way i loved you. but now you’re saying all of this… and my head is just spinning.” you admitted, squeezing the metal bars.

“i love you endlessly, Y/N. i don’t know what i was thinking, but i’ll never forgive myself for doing what i did. and it’s completely understandable if you don’t forgive me either, i just needed you to know that i’ve always loved you and have never stopped, and i don’t plan on stopping.”

a teary-eyed smile painted your lips and you looked down at your legs. “i’ve always loved you too, Els.” her smile widened at the use of your nickname for her. she stood up from the swing and walked over to you, and you happily welcomed her to sit on your thighs.

“i’ll do anything to make up for what i did, okay? anything you want.” Elisia promised. “anything?” you asked with a smile. Elisia’s face turned red and she laughed softly, “anything,” she repeated.

“lets start with this.” you smiled, putting a hand on the back of her head and pulled her lips onto yours for the first time in a month. you felt utter bliss with her lips on yours, moving in sync and both of you so desperate to feel each other like this again.

A/N: hey :) my first time uploading a fic in a few months… and i know it’s not the best, i really haven’t had much time to be on here, but i feel like i abandoned everything and wanted to continue at least one of my drafts.

i still won’t be as active unfortunately, i’m just terribly busy with my job, and i barely have time for myself sometimes. and when i do, i just don’t have the motivation to write. but it’s still my passion, it hurts to not be able to fulfill it the way i want to.

i love you all and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for still being supportive and liking, rb, and following me. it means so much. i’ll try to be active when i can.

#divider creds : cafekitsune #elisia brown #elisia brown x fem!reader #elisia brown x reader #t@gged #t@gged x reader #t@gged blurb #elisia brown t@gged #t@gged x fem!reader

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