#sylvie baumgartel

[youstillsaiditsname]

i think i loved you, but i guess i'll never really know

joan tierney / death cab for cutie / sylvie baumgartel / the crane wives / @araekni / khalid hosseini / lev st valentine / wendy cope / richard siken (reordered)

[geryone]

Song of Songs, Sylvie Baumgartel

[noodledesk]

red books i read recently

[apparentlyquotes]

"The sea kneads my body.

The moon is low and red."

Sylvie Baumgartel, Corfu, published in The Brookyln Rail, Volume 23, Issue 9

[lichfucker]

[image description: many screenshots of text.

1 (robert icke's oresteia):

There isn't one true version. There isn't. There isn't one story - a line of truth that stretches start to end. That doesn't happen any more, maybe it never happened, but even as I say this now, as I say this now, in each of your minds you create your own versions, different lenses pointing at the same thing at the same time and seeing that thing differently - it depends on too much - the day you've had, what you feel about your mother, the thought you thought before this one - it all floods in, this thing this whole thing is helpless because your brain creates stories in which it is right.

2 (from the nebraska plant by the mountain goats):

It's one of several iterations It gets hard to keep track

3 (a little learning by jayme ringleb):

Any story is true. Anything that opens is a mouth. A fox means a rainstorm. A cat means death. A deer means I wasn't looking hard enough.

4 (jack rackham in black sails):

A story is true. A story is untrue. As time extends, it matters less and less. The stories we want to believe... those are the ones that survive, despite upheaval and transition and progress. Those are the stories that shape history. And then what does it matter if it was true when it was born? It's found truth in its maturity, which if a virtue in man ought to be no less so for the things men create.

5 (blue nights by joan didion):

Time passes. Memory fades, memory adjusts, memory conforms to what we think we remember.

6 (wikipedia entry for "pentimento"):

In painting, a pentimento (Italian for 'repentance'; from the verb pentirsi, meaning 'to repent'; plural pentimenti) is "the presence or emergence of earlier images, forms, or strokes that have been changed and painted over". Sometimes the English form "pentiment" is used, especially in older sources.

7 (myers' psychology for the ap course, a textbook by c. nathan dewall and david myers):

To remember our past is often to revise it.

8 (pink by sylvie baumgartel):

Every time I remember you, I alter you.

9 (perforated heart by eric bogosian):

"All memory is a form of fiction. But all fiction is a form of reality."

end id]

oresteia, robert icke / from the nebraska plant, the mountain goats / jayme ringleb, from “a little learning” / black sails / blue nights, joan didion / pentimento definition / myers’ psychology for the ap® course, c. nathan dewall and david meyers / pink, sylvie baumgartel / perforated heart, eric bogosian

[drusill-a]

What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward a beautiful flare of ruin, self-immolation, disaster? If your deepest self is singing and coaxing you straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or… is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name?

june gehringer, I get so jealous of euthanized dogs / joan tierney, dear 4am / caluco, maggots / margaret atwood, [you fit into me] / cameron barnett, murmur / lindsey drager, the archive of alternative endings / @mobydyke / donna tartt, goldfinch / trista mateer, honeybee / michelle zauner, crying in h mart / sylvie baumgartel, pink / joan didion, blue nights / john irving, a prayer for owen meany / brian eno / patrick james errington, after all this small talk, you’d think there’d be no weather left / madeline miller, circe / richard siken, a primer for the small weird loves / the lumineers, ophelia / jeanette winterson, written on the body / fariha róisín, how to cure a ghost / hayley williams, watch me while I bloom / lori gottlieb, maybe you should talk to someone / margaret atwood, cat’s eye / @preschooldr0pout / natalie díaz, postcolonial love poem / donna tartt, goldfinch

[ARMAND] [CLAUDIA]

[nebulous-bitch]

my hands have made / some good mistakes. they can always / make better ones.

linda gregg, i thought on his desire for three days // mary oliver, invitation // nikki giovanni // voltaire, candide // gregory orr, to be alive // amy woolard, laura palmer graduated // ingmar bergman // sylvie baumgartel, song of songs: a poem // joan tierney // wendy cope, the orange

[lucifers-favorite-child]

Timkon clone baby au feels, why not

Wife, Mitski | from October, Mary Oliver | Places I’ve Taken My Body, Molly Mccully Brown | Ya’aburnee, Halsey | Light, Sleeping at Last | Pink, Sylvie Baumgartel | Killing Flies, Michael Dickman | The Ocean at the End of the Lane, Neil Gaiman | from The Butterfly’s Burden: Poems, Mahmoud Darwish (translated by Fady Joudah) | Sober To Death, Car Seat Headrest

[tasteofgrave]

ABIGAIL — “FATHER’S JOY”

different house, different man, different blade — but she’s still stuck in that kitchen with her father slitting her throat

tory adkisson // sylvie baumgartel // safia elhillo // unknown // desireé dallagiacomo // catherine lacey

[guulabii]

when richard siken wrote “i’ll be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue and final resting” / when pylades said i’ll take care of you, orestes pushed him away saying ‘it’s rotten work’ but pylades stood his ground: “not to me, not if it’s you.” / when joo yeo jeong says “i’ll do it, i’ll be your headsman. i’ll join the sword dance. tell me, what do you want me to do first. how do you want me to do it? who do you want me to kill first?” / when amal and max wrote “i want to be a body for you. i want to chase you, find you, i want to be eluded and teased and adored; i want to be defeated and victorious— i want you to cut me, sharpen me.” / when amy dunne says, “i’ve killed for you, who else can say that?” / when franz kafka wrote “love is, that you are the knife which i plunge into myself” / when kate bush sang, “spilt me open with devotion, you put your hands in and rip my heart out / when benjamin alire sáenz wrote “break me, I am bread. I will be the water for your thirst” / when sylvie baumgartel wrote “my ribcage exists for you to open so you can hold and eat my heart” / when saeed jones wrote “look at the weapon I’ve made of myself. You want to cut yourself on me, don’t you?” / when margaret atwood wrote “if i love you is that a fact or a weapon?” / when anne carson translated these words: “h of h: i cannot rise. too heavy with filth and sin”. “th: give me your hand.” “h of h: I’ll stain you”. “th: i’ll take it.” / 

[thesparrow1996]

Sylvie Baumgartel, “Cum Clave”

[geryone]

Song of Songs, Sylvie Baumgartel

[dysaniadisorder]

This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 7) | The Death of Chatterton by Henry Wallis | Hamlet - Shakespeare | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 72) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 79) | GROTS Series - Atomic Heart Collage by Naomi Vona | Nuages Painting by Emilie Lagarde | Welcome to Nightvale ep.51 - Rumbling | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 80) | Andersen’s Fairy Tale Anthology | Pink - Sylvie Baumgartel | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 60) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 52) | Hungarian Symphonies Painting by Cecilia Frigati | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 71) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 63) | Camp Here & There ep.34 - The Elephant in the Room | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 72) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 149) | Orpheus | Myth, Symbol, & Meaning - Britannica | The Night We Met by Lord Huron | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 149) | The Princess Bride | Fabulous Foxglove Painting on Canvas Board by VeronicaOilFieldArt | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 72) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 157) | The most tender feelings are first love. Soundscape No. 61 Drawing by Snezhana Denis | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 197) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 170) | @leggy-lass tumblr | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 173) | This Is How You Lose The Time War (pg. 154)

[jondrettegirls]

[Image transcription: “You asked me to give myself to you. Here I am, giving myself to you. I devote myself to you You asked me to devote myself to you and here I am doing it. I have your teeth marks on my leg. Here, here, and here, signs of you from the night.”]

Song of Songs - Sylvie Baumgartel

[ringito]

What if Reg’s inner voice sounds like Sirius?

I’m not talking about the soft voice that encourages him to keep going but the cruel one that puts into words all his insecurities.

(For context, I listened Monster In The Wall by Rosendale, then remembered the quote “Every time I remember you, I alter you.”- Pink by Sylvie Baumgartel, and this happened)

I imagine Sirius was, at some point, a Good Voice in Reg’s mind. Little Regulus constantly wondering “what would Sirius say?” instead of “what would mother/father say?” because his brother was That Person.

When things start to go wrong between them Regulus would still catch himself quoting Sirius in his mind (You’ll be fine, it’s gonna be ok, you and me against the world, we’re brothers), the problem is, by now Sirius has said other things too (Coward, mother’s perfect son, just like them, the spare).

After Sirius scapes Grimmauld Place, Regulus is hurt and what once were happy memories start to transform and twist in an attempt to reconcile “Older Brother” and “The Traitor”.

All the good things Sirius said are lies now. That’s how we get to the lyrics (Regulus POV):

I’m your fear I’m your hurt I’m the rumors that you heard I’m your doubt I’m your shame You’ll forever be in pain So I cry In my bed Licking wounds that never mend Wonder if this nightmare ever ends

He’s always on my mind Nowhere to run or hide Enough to make me scream and shout

I bolt the door I lock me in Somehow he gets under my skin And like a ghost he whispers in my head

You’re a joke You’re depressed You’re a failure and a mess You’re a fool You’re unloved You will never be enough So I hide In my room ‘Cause no one can see my gloom Wondering what more I have to lose

(Years later, while trying to mend their relationship, the brothers scream to each other that “it didn’t happened like that” until they realize the two of them remember things differently. Both brothers changing their perception of each other to fit into the “he didn’t chose me” category.)

[hunting-down-nostalgia]

"My desires & impulses frighten me.

My child’s tenderness alarms me."

-Sylvie Baumgartel