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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years ago

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Some Truths Are Stubborn As Gravity, Ch 1: When Half Of Your Heart Has Yet To Come Home

Her soulmate mark left Penelope just enough room to choose the wrong man the first time.

Elena wants to make sure she's with the right person right now.

Schneider doesn't think he deserves a soulmate, or that one is still waiting for him.

Syd is certain they found theirs. They just don't want to lose her.

Why can't destiny be simple?

Penelope x Schneider | Elena x Syd, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

Alex didn't show much interest in the idea when she explained it to him the first time. Since he was five years old, she couldn’t blame him. A girl at school had introduced herself to him--to every kid in his class, it turned out--by saying, “My name is Gabriella and maybe you’re my soulmate.”

Penelope had to laugh at the mental image of a first-grader proclaiming her destiny, the solemn words coming out in a rush each time she met someone new. But she hadn’t expected to have to give Alex the talk so young. She hadn’t even given him his first sex talk yet!

At least the soulmate speech was a short one, and blessedly free of anatomy. Plus, since she had started thinking about it back when she was pregnant with Elena, she’d had plenty of time to figure out how to explain it.

“Somewhere on your body, there’s a mark, a tattoo you never asked for, that won’t wash off. It tells you when you’re going to meet the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. And once you do meet them, every year that you’re not together, you’ll feel yourself pulled to them on the anniversary of your day--until the bond is set with a kiss.”

Considering the fact that people shaped their whole lives around it, she had always thought the concept sounded too much like a fairy tale. Luckily, five-year-olds didn’t generally question the logic of fairy tales. As weird as it was for Penelope, her son took it in stride and went on with his life.

Elena, on the other hand, was perpetually curious--about everything, since she first learned to talk. Really, from the day she was born her big brown eyes always seemed to be taking in the world around her, the people in it, seeking answers. Demanding information. Readying an argument.

So it wasn’t surprising that when Penelope explained the soulmate bond to Alex, Elena listened, and saved up questions for her mom at bedtime.

“But how does it work?”

“What if the universe is wrong?”

“Do you have to pick the person just because they’re your soulmate?”

And the last one, the most important one, that her daughter tossed so casually into Penelope’s lap the way only a precocious seven-year-old could--with no awareness that her innocent question landed like a grenade.

“How do you know, though? How do you really know it’s them?”

She did her best to answer, stepping around the dangerous places, the nights when she and her husband fought more than they loved.

Penelope and Victor were strong, this was just a rough patch, and they always made it through the rough patches. Marriage was about more than dinner dates and sex and handpicked weeds he passed off as flowers, after all. It took work.

But she still found herself using her parents as the example of a perfect match. So romantic, so free of doubt, so happy together right up until the day Berto died.

She didn’t let herself dwell too much on why she couldn’t say the same for her own bond.

Not yet.

****

It was an honest mistake. And an easy enough one to make, especially for a child as headstrong--stubborn, her Mami would say--as Penelope had been.

She hadn't been careful at all, with the boys she met every other day. If they weren’t The One, and the skin at the nape of her neck said they weren’t, then she didn’t really have to worry. Right?

Instead she had a lot of fun in her teens, with ‘90s grooves playing in the back of borrowed station wagons and stolen hours before curfew. If her Papi sighed and worried, whispering his fears to his wife in their bed at night, Penelope didn’t have to hear.

On that day, though, she held her breath a little. She held herself back a bit, hoping and being afraid to hope. Maybe her Mami was right, maybe she was too stubborn for her own good, because every year she wondered if she was about to meet her soulmate--and she wasn’t completely sure she wanted it to happen.

But then, one steamy night as summer faded to fall, she met Victor. And she knew, she knew like she knew her own name, that their future was bonded. She felt it in the pounding of her heart, the flutter in her stomach when he smiled.

Sealing the deal was the mark written across her skin, the date she had been born with, that said September 10 clear as day.

Penelope had been young and in love, and she could forgive herself for mistaking that for destiny.

After all, it wasn’t her fault that soulmate marks didn’t include years.

****

When Schneider was a boy, he would spend hours on the carefully manicured lawn looking up at the clouds and tracing the date emblazoned across his hip, wondering who his soulmate was and if she was thinking about him.

That was in the beginning, before his mother left and his stepmoms and nannies became interchangeable. First he stopped believing in soulmate love, and then he stopped believing in much of anything, including himself. Giving up tap was the last straw.

Schneider remembered meeting Penelope and her parents, along with a couple of cousins who came to see baby Elena, but he couldn’t have said what day it was. And then he woke up the following afternoon and saw the Twin Towers on the news.

He drank those images away until he landed himself back in rehab.

By the time Penelope moved into his building the first time, Schneider had decided he didn’t want a soulmate anyhow. Why let the hassle of another person get in the way of having fun? Life was too short.

And even if he had remembered the exact date he met her...well, honestly, by the time Penelope returned, Schneider’s life had become a string of years that blurred in his memory.

He was so drunk or high during most of his September 10ths that he assumed he had already met his soulmate and she’d taken one look at him and walked the other way.

He couldn’t blame her.

Schneider in his forties knew what his younger self didn’t--whether he wanted a soulmate or not was irrelevant, because he didn’t deserve one.

****

She didn’t think much of it at the time, mostly because she wasn’t thinking about anything that day--her brain was so exhausted Penelope wasn’t sure she remembered how to think anymore.

And yeah, it used to give her a twinge of nervous anticipation when it arrived every year...but she had found Victor, making September 10 just an anniversary now. A memory, a relic.

Penelope met at least a dozen curious people that day, from the neighborhood and the building, and it didn’t occur to her to care that moving in coincided with her mark. In the grand scheme of things, Schneider was just the sleazy landlord’s son who hit on her. Though she didn’t usually spill her entire life story to a total stranger, especially one who dressed like...that.

“Why am I telling you all of these things? I’m so tired.”

That had to be it.

Just another effect of New Mom Brain, the same condition that had her singing a lullaby to a bag of frozen peas in an aisle at Walmart three weeks after Elena was born. It didn’t have to make sense.

And neither did the way her brain would be pulled back to that first meeting, like clockwork, every year. The Army plus a baby, then the Army plus two kids, kept her from noticing the pattern.

She and Victor had to work so hard sometimes, to have the kind of happy marriage she thought was guaranteed once you found your soulmate. It was totally natural that her mind would drift back to that day, when they had a bright future stretching out before them--before everything changed again.

It was their first apartment she was really thinking about, Penelope knew. The loving support of her parents, the dorky joy Victor felt about his new job, and how tenderly he held their baby girl. It wasn’t the rap-rock-ska trust funder that her mind returned to at all.

Penelope could be a damn good liar when she needed to be. Especially to herself.

****

But at age seven, Elena asked the question, one Penelope wasn’t quite sure how to answer when she really thought about it.

Her smart kid wasn’t wrong.

The soulmate mark gave you a day. You met any number of people on that day, every year of your life. Any of those people could be your destiny.

How did anybody really know?

You didn’t, Penelope decided, lying awake in the dark next to Victor that night. You looked for your soulmate or you sat back and expected the universe to drop them into your lap; you tried to fight fate’s whims or you embraced them--either way it was a leap.

Either way it was about love, and in love there were no guarantees.

That was what she told Elena over cereal the next day, her daughter taking in the explanation with a silent nod. Penelope could see the wheels turning, and expected more questions, but they didn’t come.

The kids went to school, and as far as she could tell their conversation was quickly forgotten.

By everyone except Penelope.

****

Schneider thought about Lydia’s daughter a lot, and if it happened more on September 10 each year than it did the rest of the time, he didn’t realize it.

After all, that was how he thought of her while her family was living on Army bases and she was struggling to repair her marriage--she was Lydia’s daughter, and Lydia was one of his favorite people in the world.

Of course he thought about her daughter, the total badass who’d seemed like she needed a hug more than anything the day they met. Penelope was obviously amazing and he didn’t need Lydia’s stories in order to know it.

She told him the stories anyway.

Lydia visited him in rehab, she encouraged him to come over for coffee and meals and to keep her company after Berto died, and she told him all about her daughter and her grandchildren and her family back in Cuba.

It made him feel almost like a part of something, a family stronger and more connected than his had ever been. It helped him stay sober.

And Lydia never acted as though he was unwelcome; she never got tired of him and told him to leave.

So by the time her daughter moved back home, he felt like he knew her already, much better than he could explain in a rational way.

Instead, all he knew was that it was normal for his mind to wander to Penelope Alvarez, even before he saw her again and she was prettier and fiercer and also more vulnerable than he remembered.

Once Lydia had practically adopted him, it just made sense.

Though Lydia being the best mom he’d never had made it more than a little awkward, every time he woke up and realized her daughter was in his dreams again. That, he couldn’t explain so easily.

****

At first, Penelope sought Schneider out when she had no one else to go to. Then she sought him out because she knew he could be trusted.

Eventually she sought him out because he was just...there. And she knew it. She was almost physically aware of it some days, his availability should she need someone, his open door policy when it came to her.

And it’s not like he didn’t seek her out, too. He was a little less obvious about it, though. He beelined for her entire family. He was always around.

It made it impossible for either of them to notice one specific day out of the year. Sure, if he didn’t come down for coffee on the morning of September 10, she would definitely find some pretense for texting him, trying to feel out whether he’d be at her dinner table when she got home.

And yes, if she was running late from work on September 10, it would be Schneider more than anyone who was impatient for her to arrive. But again, the last two years had turned them so swiftly from acquaintances to best friends, how was that really different from any other day?

He always wanted to see her. He always had things he was waiting to say.

They might never have made the connection, as a matter of fact, if they hadn’t gotten a push.

For the second time in her life, Elena gave her mom something to think about.

****

Elena looked up from her homework, across the table they were sharing under the weight of textbooks and laptops.

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you remember when Alex and I were little, and you first told us about soulmates?”

Oh, God. Penelope had been waiting for this conversation, and dreading it, now that her daughter had a girlfriend. A tiny part of her had hoped that since Syd and Elena seemed so happy together, the picture of young love, that maybe Elena wouldn’t have the same doubts she once did.

No such luck.

“Of course I do.”

“Well…” Elena bit her lower lip, trying to figure out how she could ask the question without being mean. “You told me that there were no guarantees, no way to be absolutely sure that you found the right person, even if you met them on the right day.”

“That’s true.”

“Do you still think Papi is your soulmate?”

Penelope sighed, resting her hands on top of her homework. “Elena, that’s a complicated question. Being soulmates doesn’t mean a relationship, or a marriage, will work out. But you know your Papi and I, we loved each other so much.”

Her voice was small, and she was looking at the floor instead of at her mom. “I know that.”

“And you have to know that no matter what happened between your Papi and I, we’re grateful that it led to you and Alex.”

Elena nodded, her voice stronger. “Yeah, I know.”

Penelope took a deep breath. Her baby was growing up too fast, but it wasn’t as though she could stop it, or even slow it down. All she could do was her best, and offering Elena the truth was even more important now that she was old enough to make her own mistakes.

“But to answer your question...no. I don’t think your Papi was my soulmate. Not in the big magical bond way. I think that we met on the right day, and we both wanted it to be true. Enough that we made it work for a long time, until we couldn’t anymore.”

Elena was speechless for a moment, her eyes huge with shock, even though it was the answer part of her had expected. There was a big difference between suspecting a thing though and knowing it, for sure.

“I didn’t tell you that to upset you,” Penelope said. “I told you because I love you, and I know how much you care about Syd. It would be understandable, if you were wondering about this stuff now because of them.”

“Well, how can I not?” Elena's voice rose in frustration. “You remember the day we met, don’t you?”

Penelope smiled. “Of course I do.”

“Then you know I met our whole online group for the very first time. And so did Syd. And I had such a dumb crush on Dani, I didn’t even notice them at first--I feel really bad about that part.”

“You’re together now. That’s what matters.”

“But we met on July 19th,” Elena reminded her. “And Syd’s day is the same as mine, but that might not mean anything if we were actually supposed to start dating other people.”

Her daughter could argue her way into or out of any situation, and Penelope knew firsthand how hard it was to talk yourself down from insecurities and anxiety, so she tried a different angle.

“Well, what if you were?”

“Huh?”

“What if you were meant to date other people? What if you and Syd were each meant to pair off with other gamers that day, or what if you just happen to have the same day and it wasn’t supposed to happen for either of you this year?”

“Mom!”

“Well, it’s possible.”

Elena looked horrified. “You are not helping.”

“Mija, think about it. If you found out tomorrow that Syd isn’t your true soulmate, would you stop caring about them? Would you want to break up?”

“No!” She frowned at how easily her answer had burst out, adding more slowly, “No, I don’t think so.”

“And do you believe they’re your soulmate?”

“I do.” The tension visibly drained out of her. “Even if I can’t 100% prove it.”

“Then they are. That’s how it works, Elena. That’s the secret. We can’t know for sure, so we make choices. I chose your dad, and I may have been wrong about him being my soulmate, but I don’t regret my choice. Not for a second.”

Nodding, Elena was quiet for a moment. She had that fiercely questioning expression on her face, the one Penelope considered essential to who her daughter was.

When she spoke, it wasn't a grenade like the last time--it was a bomb. And Penelope could practically hear it start ticking somewhere deep in her heart.

"So if Papi isn't your soulmate, Mom...who is?"

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years ago

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Some Truths Are Stubborn As Gravity, Ch 2: Six Billion Pieces Waiting To Be Fixed

Her soulmate mark left Penelope just enough room to choose the wrong man the first time.

Elena wants to make sure she’s with the right person right now.

Schneider doesn’t think he deserves a soulmate, or that one is still waiting for him.

Syd is certain they found theirs. They just don’t want to lose her.

Why can’t destiny be simple?

Penelope x Schneider | Elena x Syd, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

(Ch 1)

“Mom,” Elena declared that morning, while Penelope was getting ready for work, “you have to promise you’re not going to embarrass me.”

“Me? Embarrassing? I don’t know know what you’re talking about.” Penelope turned back to the mirror and finished applying mascara. “I’m one of the cool moms, remember?”

“And I love you very much,” Elena replied, spacing her words out with care. “But today is important.”

“I know, I know, you’re meeting your internet people for the very first time. I want it to go well for you, too, baby. Besides a quick hello, and maybe a couple of middle school photo albums, I promise to stay out of your way.”

Elena waited until she had Penelope’s full attention. “It’s not just that.”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

“I didn’t realize it until I woke up this morning--it never occurred to me when we set up the meeting, I just wasn’t thinking about it. But, well…”

Elena lifted up her shirt just enough to show the small black date written across the left side of her stomach.

“Oh that’s right, it’s July 19th.” Penelope shook her head. “Sorry, I feel like I’ve been a day behind this whole month.”

She realized Elena was staring at her impatiently and sighed. “Elena, if the great love of your life is going to find you today, I highly doubt anything I--or you--say could ruin that. Try not to worry so much.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You and Papi fell in love right away. What if I meet my soulmate and they don’t even like me?”

“It doesn’t work that way,�� Penelope countered gently. “That’s why they’re called soulmates. And anyway, you need to keep in mind that this is only one July 19th. Don’t pin all your hopes on today, all right? I don’t want to see you get hurt if this turns out to be an ordinary Saturday.”

Elena exhaled loudly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try.”

But despite her easy agreement, she knew something good was going to happen. She could just feel it.

****

Elena really, really loved being right.

It was part of what made her so good at debating; winning an argument meant public validation for being smart and knowing things. She was allowed and even encouraged to celebrate just how right she was--so she learned how to win even more arguments.

When her friends arrived and she was finally meeting them all in person, she couldn’t stop her nerves from coming out in stammering geekspeak, but she was also thrilled, because despite her mom’s warning, she met her soulmate right on schedule.

Dani was gorgeous, and smart, and funny. They cared about the same causes, and liked some of the same music, and as soon as she reached for Elena’s hand to say hello, Elena knew that they were totally meant to be.

Or at least, they would be, as soon as Elena managed to say more than two words to her.

And if Dani was gay.

And if Dani liked her back.

The more time she had to think about it, the more she realized she was probably being ridiculous. Elena had no idea when Dani’s day even was, let alone if they might have a connection.

She smelled really good, though.

Lots of girls tried really hard to make the best first impression possible, each year when their day came around, but Elena had never cared much about soulmates growing up. Maybe she even tended to be a little bit mean to anybody she met on that day each year.

Well, to the boys. A part of her knew, though it would take her years to understand why, that she didn’t want some boy she would be stuck with forever.

But once she figured out that she liked girls, that liking girls was something she could do...something that was possible and okay and right...July 19th made her nervous.

Her parents had been so in love, she’d seen it every day. She felt it. And things between them had still imploded. Their marriage was a slow-motion car crash; she and Alex were left with whiplash and in Elena’s case, the understanding that love was not automatically enough.

She wanted to find her soulmate. She wanted to fall in love.

But she didn’t want to ruin it before she got the chance.

So when the first July 19th after she came out led her to a gorgeous activist with confidence to spare, Elena held her breath and hoped.

She didn’t do anything else, especially nothing as logical as mentioning her mark to Dani or asking her out.

What if she tripped over her words and said the worst possible thing and scared her soulmate away? With her luck, it could happen. Her mom insisted otherwise, but she didn’t understand--she had never been as awkward as Elena.

Plus she met her soulmate ages ago. And her soulmate was a boy.

It was just different.

****

“Do you ever wonder about your soulmate?” Penelope asked Schneider, standing just outside his door.

He took one look at her face, sighed, and stepped back. “Come in, Pen. This feels like a longer conversation than we should be having in the hall.”

As she sat on his couch, he shut the door behind her and tied his robe a little tighter. “Now, what’s on your mind? Soulmates?”

“Yeah. Elena has been asking a lot of questions lately, because of Syd…”

“Understandable,” he interjected, nodding.

“And it got me thinking, if at our age it even makes sense to think about soulmates anymore. If we haven’t met our person by now, what’s the likelihood that we’re going to?”

“I don’t know,” he said, joining her on the couch. “I guess this means Victor wasn’t yours?”

She looked down at her lap. “No.”

“I kind of wondered, after everything, but I didn’t want to ask. I’m sorry, Penelope. That sucks.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, shaking her head. “We didn’t know any better. Our days matched, and I wouldn’t change any of it--my kids are the best part of my life.”

“I know.” He reached out to hug her from the side. “Still. To answer your question, I don’t think about it, no. I haven’t in a long time.”

“Really?” Schneider had always been casual about relationships and sex, but he was also so sweet, so full of love for the people around him, that Penelope definitely would have guessed he was a believer in fate.

“Yeah.”

“If you did find your soulmate now...do you think there would be a chance for it to work?”

“If you found your soulmate now, I one hundred percent believe that it would work,” he told her seriously. “Absolutely. It’s crazy to think that just because you’re forty, you can’t find love.”

“You’re only a little older than me,” she reminded him. “If I can have a happy ending, so can you.”

“Eh.” Schneider waved her words away.

“Hey, you could. Why don’t you think so?”

“Have you met me?”

“Yes. Three times, as a matter of fact, since you kept reintroducing yourself before you got clean.” Penelope caught something in his expression as she spoke, and narrowed her eyes. “Is that what this is about?”

“You of all people should get it,” he said. “You can’t tell me that Victor’s drinking wasn’t part of what broke your marriage. Who would want to live with that? And my relapses, my addictions, are so much more complicated than the drinking. It’s my whole life.”

There was such a hopeless, helpless quality to his words, it hurt Penelope to hear, but she didn’t try to argue with him. She just listened.

“I stopped thinking about my soulmate when I started drinking. Because who needed to pin their hopes on fate when drugs and alcohol were right there, instant happiness? And I haven’t wondered about her since, because I refuse to. There’s no requirement that you love your soulmate, you know? You can walk away.”

Penelope heard what he wasn’t saying, and grabbed his hand. It was an impulse; she was rarely the one who reached out first.

“Schneider, listen. You’re right, about Victor, I know what that life is like. Which means I know what I’m talking about. You hear me?”

He nodded.

“You are more than your addictions. You prove that, every day you stay sober. Victor and I didn’t work out for a lot of reasons; in the end, we just weren’t meant. But for those years, I’m glad we had each other. Even during the worst of it, because it helped shape who I am, and I’m pretty awesome.”

He smiled. “You are.”

“So are you. Whether you meet your soulmate tomorrow, or you never find her, you have as much potential for happiness as I do. And if it doesn’t work, it could be because of your horrible taste in music or the fact that you cook nettles...it could be because she collects those creepy old dolls white women like, and they stare at you while you sleep, and when you want to move them out of the bedroom she cries and says they’re her children and talks to them by name. It could happen for all kinds of reasons!” Penelope insisted.

“But if it ends because you’re in recovery, and she can’t handle that, then she was never your soulmate to begin with. Because you’re easy to love, Schneider. You’re so easy to love, and you’ve worked really hard to stay sober, and anyone who cares about you can see that and is proud of you for it.”

He stared at her for a full minute, swallowing hard before he spoke. ”Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be your pep talk?”

“We can do me later,” she said, flashing him a smile. “Right now, I got you.”

“Yeah.” Schneider smiled back, squeezing her hand. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Pen.”

****

It was pretty bizarre that her little brother and her Abuelita, of all people, had helped Elena start dating...but she couldn't deny that without them, she probably never would have found herself getting ice cream with Syd.

Now that it was just them, she could feel her nerves coming back, times a hundred. Considering how they met, she lunged for the easiest conversation starter that came to mind.

"So, have you always been into gaming?" Elena asked, dipping her spoon into a cup of vanilla with crumbled cookie pieces on top.

Syd nodded. "Pretty much. I had to save up for my own equipment, because my parents aren't big into non-educational entertainment. They were fine with it once it was clear I wasn't going to let it interfere with my homework, though."

"What was your first console?"

Swallowing a mouthful of rocky road, Syd paused. "It's going to make me sound like such a nerd."

"Hey, you're talking to the queen of the nerds right here," Elena replied. "I recycle for fun."

"Well, I was impatient and saving up money was taking a long time, so I got my first console from one of my cousins when I was seven--and it was already a hand-me-down for him when he got it."

Elena smiled. "Now I'm intrigued."

"My first console was an Atari."

"No way. Like, the real thing? Retro Atari?"

"With Frogger and Pong and all of that, yeah." Syd grinned. "I wanted an Xbox, but allowance and extra chores could only go so far."

"I can't believe you bought your own gaming system at seven," Elena mused. "You're right, you really are a nerd."

"Hey, it takes one to...get ice cream with one."

"True." Elena smiled back, and they ate their dessert in slightly-more-comfortable silence after that.

It was at the end of the evening, when Syd held the door open on their way out of the shop, that the possibilities between them became so much scarier. Elena caught the date written on the inside of their wrist and stopped walking. She was frozen where she stood.

"Elena? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she told Syd faintly. The paralyzing terror was unexpected.

Hadn't she hoped this would happen? Wasn't it what she wanted?

"I'm fine," she added, as though saying the words would make it true. "Just a...a little dizzy."

At least that part wasn't a lie. It felt like the whole world had sped up around them, a whirlwind of possibilities, all tied to the meaning of July 19.

She knew the right thing to do would be to tell Syd the truth. They had the right to know what Elena had just figured out. But it was so soon--it was too soon. If Syd was going to let her down gently after their single date, it would hurt much worse now.

People's days were private, Elena thought, not sure if she really believed that or was trying to convince herself. She didn't have to reveal hers, just because Syd happened to have the same one, in an unavoidably visible area.

Love was a leap, that was what her mom had told her once. A decision, not just the unavoidable whims of fate.

As Syd waited with concern, Elena offered them a reassuring smile, and kept her mouth shut. She didn't know if this was fate or not, but she was sure of one thing: she wasn't ready to leap.

****

Getting confirmation from the universe that Syd could be her soulmate left Elena even more determined not to scare them off. It also seemed to directly increase the amount of stupid things she said when she was trying to flirt, and she couldn't make it stop.

It didn't help that she had a little brother who made it look easy. She wished she had half of Alex's cool, instead of being the sibling who couldn't string together a coherent sentence around her crush.

Kissing Syd was an act of desperation, some sports metaphor for her final chance, the moment when Elena decided it was better to risk everything than let Syd think the worst.

And then, kissing them was a revelation.

They liked her back. Even though she couldn't stop babbling, even though she spent most of their time together acting crazy, Syd liked Elena as much as she liked them. Enough to make out on a balcony in the middle of a manhunt.

Sent back inside by circling helicopters, they went to Elena's room, holding hands next to each other on her bed.

"I have to show you something," Elena said, before she could lose her nerve. With her free hand, she lifted up the long-sleeved shirt and vest that she was wearing, baring her stomach.

Syd's confusion turned to surprise, and then joy. They held up their wrist, asking the question with raised eyebrows rather than words.

Elena nodded. "I noticed it after ice cream."

"Why didn't you say something? I thought maybe you were lactose intolerant and just didn't want to mention it. Or that you had a terrible time."

"No, I had a great time. I just got scared, when I saw it."

"Of me?"

"Not you." Elena squeezed the hand she was still gripping between them. "Of the future, I guess? I thought I was ready to find the person I was meant to be with, and our first date was going really well, and then I saw your mark and I realized I am so not ready. Not for my whole life to be decided right now."

"Nobody said it has to be," they pointed out.

"Yes, and I realized that a few minutes ago, when happiness finally drowned out the panic in my head. I like you. And hey, maybe we're meant to be. That's pretty cool."

"That's very cool," Syd agreed.

"So for now, I'm going to focus on that. Getting to know each other better and having fun."

"Saving destiny for later."

"Exactly."

"Sounds perfect." Syd looked down at their joined hands. "Should we go join your family?"

"It's been weird out there. I kinda got the feeling we'd be better off staying in here."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Syd let go of Elena's hand. She turned toward them to make sure everything was okay, but never got the chance to ask.

Syd leaned in slowly to kiss her, giving her time to protest, melting her nerves away with every brush of their lips and the feeling of their fingertips against her face.

When they finally emerged from her room, Elena was certain even Dr. Berkowitz could see the flashing sign above their heads that said 'just got done making out until we were flushed and breathless.' Nobody said anything, though.

It was a miracle that she didn't revert to her former, babbling self after that, but once the soulmate connection was out the open, Elena didn't feel nervous around Syd anymore. She didn't feel scared, either. She just felt happy.

Until Homecoming.

****

Before Syd showed up in that jacket and tie and made a liar out of Elena and her disdain for high school rites of passage, she wasn't sure how anybody knew when they were in love.

She loved her family and her closest friends, and she had thought about it a lot, but it was a mystery to her. How did 'like' evolve into 'love' and when did you notice the difference? It had to be really obvious, right? Like getting hit by lightning, one of those metaphors for love that sounded violent and terrifying but, Elena thought, must be worth the damage. Otherwise, why would everyone be so obsessed with romance and happily-ever-afters?

Maybe people liked to exaggerate. Or maybe she was just weird, because it was nothing like a lightning bolt. It wasn't even like her heart skipped a beat.

Elena watched Syd totally embarrass themself in front of her family--except they weren't embarrassed at all, not like Elena would be with everyone looking at her while she sang and danced. Syd was so secure in who they were...they liked her that much...they were one of the most amazing people Elena had ever met. They were smart, and funny, and sweet, and so talented, and oh my god she was in love with them.

She expected her stomach to lurch, her heart to race, and it did as the significance of her feelings sunk in. But the actual fall into love was so easy, it didn't hurt it all. It was more like static electricity in the dark, over an empty patch of carpet. A brilliant spark she never expected that could light her up.

And wow, did it ever. She went to a dance. She danced without caring what anybody else thought. She was happy, and in love, and once she told Syd the truth about her lack of popularity, she felt even more sure that they belonged together.

Their days matched, after all. According to the lore that was the first step to forever.

If she were a different kind of person, an easier person, less prone to picking everything apart and looking for danger, that would have been enough. But she was Elena Alvarez, and she had two divorced parents who could barely hold a conversation about the weather without arguing.

Parents with matching days, who loved each other right up until they didn't.

After the dance she couldn't help thinking about it, worrying over it. She and Syd were so happy that she could lock the fear away most of the time, but it would come back whenever she got too comfortable. Anytime Elena thought they really must be soulmates, an obnoxious part of her brain asked why it mattered. If soulmates couldn't guarantee a relationship was forever, what was the point?

By the end of the school year she she could tell her distant moods were worrying Syd, but she couldn't stop feeling torn between happiness and fear. If they knew she had doubts, it would worry them even more, so Elena avoided the questions and the confused looks.

It finally occurred to her on a random Tuesday night at home that she might be missing a piece of the puzzle. If she was, Elena realized, laying her domino down next to the last one Alex had played, she could never expect to figure this out.

Elena didn't want to hurt her mom by opening old wounds, but she had to know. Was the moral of her parents' story that soulmate bonds couldn't guarantee happiness?

Or had her mom just mistaken her Papi for fate?

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