#swords ARE fun Worf

[islndgurl777]

Riker: You had a phaser the whole time and you didn’t use it?

Worf: Swords are fun.

[firstofficerrose]

I think someone should give Worf a lightsaber. As a treat.

[authortobenamedlater]

“You had a phaser and didn’t use it?”

“Swords are fun.”

I am here for Riker and Worf’s buddy routine.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

I watched the Picard series finale

Going into this, I have chills 👀

Holy shit Seven looks hot as hell

AHHHHHHHH

She's so bad ass

Raffi my beloved 😍

Seven and Raffi looked at each other👀

Seven looks so done while the poor cook dude is explaining how his mom got sick and his brother got a hernia

"You got this." Just gonna think of her saying this whenever I feel like I'm struggling

AHHHH SHE'S ALL CAPTAINY AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW RAFFI HASN'T JUMPED HER😂

Oh shit

Jack is consumed by the collective 👀

The little smile Beverly exchanged with Jean-Luc

Worf: "And I will make it a threesome."

Will Riker: "Do you even hear yourself?" Oh my god😂😂 I'm dead

That look between Deanna and Will😭

If anything happens to either of them I'm gonna cry

Aw, Beverly is gripping that computer so hard

"I can no longer be your captain. I have to be a father"

Oh no

Does that mean he's gonna take Jack's place and die😭

Picard: "Beverly. Lead me to our son."

I'm crying "You did everything right." Oh damn 😭

OH SHIT VOX

Jack looks kinda awesome as Vox

OH SHIT

BORG QUEEN

I got chills

I am so creeped out rn

AHHHHHHHH

Raffi is Seven's number one

I'm so happy

The looks they keep sharing

I'm screaming with how they're finishing each other's train of thought

That poor Cook 😭😂

OOOOOOO SEVEN IS GIVING A SPEECH

I will fight under her

Raffi called Seven captain

Picard to Borg Queen: "You are not his mother!" AWWWWWWWWWWWW HE WON'T LET BEVERLY BE FORGOTTEN

Damn, this queen is bitter

HOLY SHIT

Oh no

Worf. He got zapped

Hope he still lives

"I had no idea it was that heavy." 😂

"We can't do this forever." Feels like she could be talking about more than their ship fighting

But I could be reaching

The way that Beverly fought so well and ruthlessly, and everyone turned slowly to look at her 😂

Beverly: "A lots happened in the last 20 years"😂

"Swords are fun." They really are

"no computer not even my daughter could navigate us through this." Love how proud he(Geordi) is of his kid

YEAH DATA!

Data: *tells them to trust him*

Also Data, seconds later: "Here goes nothing."

Deanna: "Wait what do you mean here goes nothing." Oh I'd hold on if I were you Deanna

The way Deanna is confused about why she senses enjoyment, meanwhile Data is living the dream 😂

OH SHIT

The earth is undefended 👀

Oh. Shit.

THE TITAN IS EXPOSED 👀

Sisters that assimilate together stick together (the La Forge sisters moving around the ship)

Seven's look of defeat 😭

Aw, the look between Saffi

Oh hell😭

"destroy the cube we kill everyone on there." Shit, Deanna is gonna need so much therapy

Beverly looks so freaking heartbroken I want to hug her 😭

"Will, the moment we fire, you'll have a minute at most." The emotion in her voice 😭

OH MY GOD

Oh MY GOD

OH MY GOD

OH. MY. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Damn, it hurts even more watching this knowing that if Will, Picard, Jack and Worf die, Deanna will feel it

Picard to his son: "If you won't leave, I'll stay with you till the end. You have changed my life. Forever." Oh damn😭

HOLY SHIT THE way Jack starts ripping out everything to save his dad

Will to Deanna: "I love you Imazati. We'll be waiting, me and our boy."😭

I'm sobbing

"I know where they are." oh thank God

I'm loving how Deanna goes to the console

Me at Jack: You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side, and I'll take your hand. KEEEP HOOOOLDING OONNNNNNNN

OH MY GOD

Awwwww, Seven giving Sydney a hug😭

Pretty awesome looking armor jack is wearing 😂

Deanna and Will are adorable

Awww, three bros, chilling in spinny chairs

TO SAY I'M SCREAMING AT THE CLIP OF RAFFI, SEVEN, AND THE LA FORGE GIRLS IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT

I love how Worf is just snoozing away 😂

There's still like 22 minutes left, so plenty of time for something to go wrong, but I'm gonna bask in this brief moment of happiness

Oh my god

BEVERLY IS AN ADMIRAL

TUVOK MY BOY

AHHHHHHHH

Seven and Tuvok are talking

Acting Captain Seven of Nine: "I'm resigning from Starfleet." Aw😭

Aw, Shaw was a lil bit, kinda nice😭

Seven's crying 😭

My girl

AHHHHHHHH

Chills

Tuvok: "Resignation denied, Captain"

Raffi got to video chat with her grandbaby🥺

"Strangest thing. My son Gabe, wants me to meet my granddaughter." I'm sobbing😭

Worf leaked the info for her😭

Hell, I'm sobbing

So hard

AWWWWWWWWWWWW he's hugging her😭

Deanna is counseling Data😭

Wonder if he'll meet Daj

Deanna: "We've gone by our time over an hour. Again."😂😂😂

I love how Deanna is searching for beach vacation spots while Data is going on and on 😭😂

"Same time tomorrow?"

"Yes, yes. Can't wait." Oh she's dreading it a bit

"Still batshit?"

"Stop it." I love them 😂

I wonder if Picard is gonna join Laris wherever she is

"I miss that voice." So do I 😭

"Admiral Picard, Admiral Crusher" AHHHHHHHHH

Ah, Jack is joining Starfleet, I'm sure that'll be a wise and interesting decision

"This is all you son, I'm very proud." AHHHHH

I just slapped my leg so hard

"We know your aversion to fanfare."😂

OH MY GOD

She's beautiful (the ship)

"Out." 😂

"Thank you Number One."

"You're so very welcome, Captain." I. Am. So HAPPY

I AM SO HAPPY

SO HAPPY

Jack's the special counselor to the Captain 😂 this is great

Raffi: "Your first official act of command."

Jack: "Writing the opening line to your legacy, so then, what will it be?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

I WANT TO KNOW MORE

Beverly is so drunk😂

Worf has an adorable voice 😂

A different planet vs Orlando?😂 How random

Oh my god I'm screaming

They're gonna play poker!!!

*slams down on table* I fold OK?

So ... Is Laris just chilling in a restaurant, waiting on Picard? 🤔

Feels like they forgot about her

HOLY SHIT

HoLy ShIt

The way it's an old pic of Gates and Patrick 😂

I love that Q is still alive 👀

Oh, I'm screaming. Like so much

This was so good and idk what I'm gonna do with myself now.

[ryder616]

Swords are fun

Worf knows what I like 🤭

[agent-troi]

“swords are fun”

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 amen worf i completely agree

[prettylittlelifeforms]

Worf “swords are fun” hell yeah

[morns-fevered-dream]

Live blogging the last Picard ep spoilers

They made the enterprise-d in the into logo thing!!!!!

Chekov!!!!! MY BELOVED <3<3<3 OMG

I like the Chef pilot

I hate the borg too data tbh

Stop talking so sad don't die Picard I swear

Worf did his Worf walk!!!!

Borg Queen looks like a true Eldredge horror I love it

Go badass Bev! WOOOOOOO

Swords are fun <3 I love Worf :)

TRUST DATA!!!

I don't care about nothing the Enterprise-D flying through a borg Cube is fucking awesome

Yeah he's not alone!!!!

YEAH GET FUCKED BORG!

Worf sleepy 😴

Admiral Beverly!

Tuvok safe!!!! Yipee!

Shaw message to Starfleet about 7 of 9 😭

Worf and Raffi are perfect

They renamed a science ship the Enterprise?!

Seven and Raffi working on the same ship oooooh

They are laying on the spin-off heavy and I'm all for it tbh

Ending on a poker game just like TNG got me in the feels

Post credits Q?!?! OMG we need that spin-off now

[etakeh]

Okay so I just finished watching Picard.

And there is definitely a scene where Worf says something, but then the situation changes and he said "oh good I was practicing deceit".

He didn't seem to enjoy it though. He did say, on the other hand, that swords were fun.

But I do appreciate that he took Garak's advice to heart, and at least tried to practice lying a little.

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE — 5.14 "In Purgatory's Shadow"

[offense-is-the-best-defence]

'Swords are fun.'

Worf - Picard

[petalsmooth]

Swords are fun

Worf is right about that....

Just thinking. Bridgerton needs to have a sword fight (duel). Forgotten how much I love these types of scenes. Star Trek, Xena, need to keep the trend going. Not just as exercise with the brothers but a real fight. They have characters throwing fists, they dragged out pistols for a dual at dawn. I want sword play.

[papasmistakeria]

Cursed Star Trek TNG headcanons cause I made one on TOS and thought it would be appropriate to make one on TNG, my new favourite series. Also people are saying the one with TOS is "more canon that cursed" so I present to you something even MORE cursed (ft. Alot of Data cause he's my guy)

Geordi has canonically lowkey almost fucked the Enterprise. Geordi tries his hardest to hide the fact he nearly fucked a hollogram but everyone knew. And goddammit everyone felt so bad for him

Geordi is also still a virgin

Riker is a Pansexual King and he has a certain 3-rule policy on what and who he could fuck; 1. Are they of age?, 2. Are they sentient and intelligent enough to consent?, and 3. Can they communicate?. If they meet this requirement, as long as they consent, he will fuck them

Riker opens 'Pansexual Support Group' where he encourages people to be themselves and he consults them on their insecurities and relationships. Like, one time, a crew member was insecure about their relationship with another crew member and he's like "Don't worry King. If they're the one for you they would put your feelings first before sex"

Riker has fucked nearly half of the crew and has fucked like 3 of the bridge crew the very least

Picard has a weird lisp that made him say French word in the most British accent possible

Picard has one of those false baguettes that are actually swords in disguise, except inside one of those unsuspecting baguettes, there's a phaser

Picard secretly plays Jenga by himself and costantly loses to himself like the boomer he is

Every year on Picard's birthday, the main crew would throw a a different kind of surprise each year. Usually it starts out with everyone annoying the shit out of Picard, sometimes Q is involved cause he has a Fat Crush on Picard so he and the crew formed a once in a year truce, usually Q would transfer them into a dangerous/uninhabited planet to stress Picard out even more and finally, by the end of the day, they're back on the ship and there's a big surprise party thrown! Picard's birthday is both the most stressful and fun day of his life

Beverly puts up a special bed in sickbay which she called the 'no no bed'. Anyone who doesn't listen to her and get some rest while on sick leave would be sent to the 'no no bed', has to put on a hat that says 'I'm stubborn and I make my doctors worry :(', and only eat soup or porridge until their sick leave is up

Beverly embodies everything Leonard McCoy was except she has a more motherly energy. Like, she'd still deck an entire alien species cause "The Hippocratic Oath is MY prime directive, bitch" but she'd do it in a way that involves alot of scolding and caring like the mom she is (and a spray bottle)

Geordi had a FurAffinity account when he was young. And a Fursona. He still does. Wesley would furry-shame him for it

Geordi and Data once nearly destroyed an entire solar system cause they accidentally made each planet go to war on each other during shore leave, they've been deemed intergalactic war criminals in those planets specifically and have been banned from them. Nobody knew how they did it in within 2 days of shore leave but they did

Worf has a small teddy bear from when he was a kid and he still kept it around. It's as big as his palm and it has angry eyes. He usually hides them until nighttime

Tasha has a sweet tooth and would literally go gorilla whenever she's high on sugar rush. She's once managed to nearly destroy half of Ten Forward after like 10 glasses of chocolate milkshakes. Everyone in the crew are concerned

Deanna's favourite movie is Rango cause it's about self discovery and cowboys and holy shit it's a lizard with a gun. Usually during movie nights, the crew would literally complain every time it's Deanna's turn to pick a movie cause she'd pick Rango all the time

Data is everyone's little sibling (and adopted child). Anyone who has beef with him automatically has beef with the rest of Enterprise-D. "This is Data, our android child. Yes he's like stronger and smarter than anyone in Starfleet but he's also babie so back off >:("

Once on a shore leave on Earth, somehow Data auditioned and ended up in Broadway as a main cast for the 24th century remake of 'Spring Awakening' and 'Les Miserables'. It took them 3 weeks to convince him to leave Broadway. ("Data this is a time sensitive mission!" "Can I at least do 3 more shows? :(" "... Ok fine but after that we're leaving")

Data plays Animal Crossing and assigns the crew with their villager counterparts :)

Riker and Data exchange Pokemon cards and Riker infodumps about Pokemon like the big fan he is. Riker also has Pokemon-themed merchandises, from his blanket to his underwear ("the Pokemon socks stays ON during sex")

Q is a brony (No I will not give more context to this, y'all have to figure it out yourselves)

Wesley knows the entire DreamSMP lore by memory and has never failed to share them with anyone that could stand his presence for more than 5 minutes. This is how Data has more than 200 GB of DreamSMP lore stored in his memory banks

The crew once had a routine DnD session but they stopped cause Data gets too into the LARPing and started actually fighting everyone (and that's how they had the 'No LARPing' rule during game nights)

[etakeh]

OK SO the short version is: this wasn't meant for me. I might fit the target demographic, but sentimentality makes me want to vomit.

The ONLY things that got me through was Vadic and my inability to stop hate-watching so I could write this.

They should have called it "We're Getting the Band Back Together".

Is there such a thing as "fan service" for 50+ people? I was a teen when TNG came out, and this just feels pandering and sentimental.

The theme music seems like it's playing in a theater to a bunch of old fucks who cheer when it gets to *that part*.

They crammed in every tired trope they could.

This is a script designed to provoke an emotional response.

The whole "parent" theme is incredibly heavy-handed. I am a parent, and I have lost a child, and I still think it's over the top.

Instant Parent: just add adult child you had no knowledge of or interest in having until you knew about.

and then it squeezes in a generational schism for about 14 seconds, only to have the Olds regain control with barely a blip.

It does the thing that I hate about most action movies: doesn't matter who or what is destroyed in the effort to save one person. The needs of the few to save the one is somehow greater than saving the many. Spock would be...ugh.

And it's only for Picard and his kid. No one else merits extreme measures. I guess Beverly gets it a bit at the beginning, but then she's

mama bear. grr. oh wait, put that up in the "tropes" category.

Why did Raffi and Seven gotta go back to Star Fleet. Boo.

Worf's a joke. I mean, he's fine, but he's a running gag.

SO FURCKING TIRED OF THAT OLD FUCKER PICARD

yes I know that's the name of the show but damn

The renaming of the Titan. Why. It did pretty damned good as Titan.

The only good parts were Vadic and to a lesser degree Shaw. And that bit about swords being fun. That was pretty good.

I mean yay, they all get a payday. But.

I don't think I've given any spoilers here, but I have to say this:

They really should have let him die at the end, it's getting kind of pathetic.

bonus spoiler bitch: and of course his kid joins Starfleet as well. Oh an on an "accelerated track". and they joke about it's not nepotism. hmm.

FFS why did I finally convince myself to watch Picard Season Three: We're Getting the Band Back Together and It Still Sucks

spoilers I guess

Could have been a great story, but the trite "oh being a parent is hard" bullshit makes me want to punch them.

A lot of us lose a child, and we don't stop and weep about it every time we're on a starship in a fucking nebula about to be sucked into a gravity well, now do we.

No. We don't. We don't have the luxury.

Also Picard can take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. He's the epitome of the rich old white man who somehow is always right, despite all.

it's just gross.

[reginaldqueribundus]

having a fun friday looking back at some of my star trek tags

#big riker milkers

#every morning quark's wardrobe chose violence

#bi riker or 'biker' if you will is much more important

#i mean riker was on a klingon ship for 0.005 seconds and a klingon woman announced she was going to jump his bones

#riker was tonguing worf's ridges as soon as he heard the words 'men kiss'

#and he used worf's strap-on to do it

#everybody who meets picard ends up with a dead wife

#suck on that jean luc

#it wasn’t his obsidian order implant it was the aggravation of having to watch quark mix horizonal stripes with leopard print day after day

#'hello luffy my name is elim garak and i work for cp9'

#w-when will Bashir-senpai notice me??

#ah yes better give myself the most magnum dong in the quadrant

#so now on top of everything else the bajoran vedek assembly is excommunicating sisko for blasphemy

#i thought 'why are all these clones of mccoy surrounding jim kirk as he pees

#worf i'd like you to meet the woman who fucked me to death

#GIVE. WORF. A JETPACK.

#they probably hooked the orb of time up to the holomatrix so they could go back and fight khan noonien singh or something

#cbs please give us a miniseries about molly and kyoshi o'brien dealing with their family curse

#imagine being trapped in the delta quadrant and the only version of cats you have access to is the 2019 movie

#when u order ur captain picard from wish

#not that i give af what gene thinks

#after all we got to see all of its terrible 1960s takes on gender

#some discussion of michael that isn't just blatant racism

#dr. b's foot fetish strikes again

#how the hell did voyager still manage to have more lines by men???

#the *real* miracle tech of star trek isn't the transporters or warp drive#it's their flawless voice recognition systems

#yeah but you also got your ass whooped by 2 ferengi carrying medieval swords

#star trek is absurd enough it doesn't need a giant buddha running starfleet thank you very much

#she was a wagon#(she had wheels you see)

#some people just see a lizard with marc alaimo's voice and go bug wild#and that's valid

#that awkward moment when your former boss killed your new boss's wife#while possessed by robo zombies

#the captain looks at me funny because i'm the reincarnation of his recently deceased best friend#my past life's klingon ex-husband gets upset if i try to date#and OH YEAH there's a murderer in my head advising me to kill people with this prototype teleportation rifle

#i too must acknowledge that problematic outfit yes but also seven very beautiful hnnngh

#they fight all the time but they also consider it foreplay so like? i guess they're just constantly flirting with each other 24/7

#has like 30 planets that are all identical to earth except everyone is gangsters nazis etc#and aliens who die if they don't get laid every 7 years#don't take them too seriously

#disco misses the mark in some ways#but holy god can we talk about *that* instead of your crippling fear of feminism#please i just want to have one (1) conversation about the show that doesn't involve the word 'sjws'

#i'm a vulcan kinny now i guess

#michael singing 'let it go' as she flies around in her angel suit

#tilly hitting osyraa with a frying pan

#poor sweet neelix would just go see the funny singing cat movie with zero clue that he's supposed to mock it or hate it

#LET HIM HAVE WEIRD TENTACLE SEX YOU COWARDS

i cannot choose a favourite

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #497

Top Ten PC Games No One Talks About Anymore

Blimey, Quake is rather good, isn’t it? Have you heard about it? I really hope so, because it’s only twenty-five years old. I mean, Jesus. What’s up with that? Quake is meant to be the future. It’s full of true-3D polygonal texture-mapping and real-time dynamic light-sourcing. Fancy it being a quarter of a century old. That’s ridiculous. “Old” is for things like, I dunno, Space Invaders or The Godfather or I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Stuff that our parents heard about before we were born. It’s not – it’s absolutely not – used to describe something that people bought 3D accelerator cards for. It’s not used to describe a game that popularised online gaming.

But old it is, getting silver anniversary cards and everything. No longer the angry, hungry young tiger, devouring its ancestors and growling at upstart rivals like Duke Nukem 3D – sure, you’ve got non-linear levels, interactive scenery, and toilet humour, but we’ve got grenades that bounce with real physics – Quake is now an aged beast of the forest, resplendent, battle-scarred, weary with gravitas. Quake is the game that shaped the now, but it does not represent the future anymore. In fact, arguably its greatest rival – Unreal – is the game with the lasting, living legacy, its progeny building the next generation of gaming with one of the most popular and impressive engines around, the framework underpinning everything from Gears to Jedi to Fortnite. Quake blew us all away, but arguably it ceded the conflict, secure in its status as one of the most important and influential games of all time. Quake II got plaudits for actually having a proper story and an engrossing single-player campaign (and coloured lighting!), and its immediate descendants such as Half-Life changed the nature of what FPS games could do, but in a funny way it feels like Quake has long since retired. A sleeping titan. It got old.

So it’s great that they rereleased it on modern systems! The version of Quake released last month is basically the game I remember, but tarted up a little around the edges, with texture filtering and dynamic shadows and other stuff that I couldn’t manage on my Pentium 75 back in the day. It plays great – it’s slick as anything, and you go tearing round the levels like a Ferrari with a nail gun, blasting dudes and ducking back around a corner before you get hit with a pineapple in the face. It’s the first game I’ve played in a long, long time that evokes the feel of classic PC first-person shooters of that era – which, y’know, kinda makes sense as it is a first-person shooter of that era. But that style of fast-paced run-and-gun, circle-strafing gameplay has gone out of fashion now, with FPS games usually favouring slow, methodical, tactical combat, or larger-scale open-world warfare usually involving vehicles. Whether it’s a straight-up no-frills blaster like Quake, or a game that takes you on more of a linear, narrative journey, like Quake II, or even just a multiplayer-focused arena shooter, like Quake III Arena, it does feel like a dying artform, like a style of gameplay that could do with a resurgence (and, to be fair, there are games on the horizon that look like they’re harking back to the era, so that’s cool).

But it’s not just first-person shooters like Quake that I feel have slipped from gaming’s shared consciousness. Maybe it’s my age (it’s definitely my age) but there seems to be quite a lot of games that were a big deal twenty or so years ago that are utterly forgotten now, whereas some – Doom, Duke Nukem, Command & Conquer, Age of Empires – are often namechecked or rebooted (even before the full-on 2016 reboot, Doom must have been one of the most re-released games of the last thirty years). But there are lots of others where sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that remembers it. And that’s where this list comes in: inspired by the excellent re-release of the Quake franchise, here are some other great PC games of that general era that I feel still need shouting about, even if I’m the only one doing the shouting. Maybe they don’t all need a full-on remaster or whatever, but it’d still be nice if they got a bit of modern gaming love.

No One Lives Forever (2000): coming at a time when most FPS games were still Doom-style blasters with little in the way of real plot, NOLF was different: stylish and funny, genuinely well-written (as in the dialogue), with interesting objective-based missions and a cool female protagonist. It skirted similar ground to Bond and the then-white-hot Austin Powers franchise. Two games were made and then, as far as I’m aware, it evaporated into a mess of tangled rights, hence no sequels or remakes. A shame, because it was great.

MDK (1997): the next game from the people who made the multimedia phenomenon that was Earthworm Jim, MDK was a really cool slice of sci-fi style, all sleek level design and intriguing features. It had a supremely bonkers plot which bled through into a game with a sense of humour, but mostly it was the run-and-gun gameplay and innovative use of a scoped weapon – possibly (don’t quote me on this) the first sniper rifle in a videogame. An even wackier sequel followed, but despite its cult status, that was it.

Star Trek: The Next Generation – Klingon Honor Guard (1998): it’s probably fair to say that Star Trek has not had as many great videogames as Star Wars, perhaps because Trek’s historically straightlaced earnestness just didn’t translate as well as bashing someone up the chops with a laser sword. Honor Guard shook things up by casting you as a Klingon, showering levels with pink blood and going Full Worf. It was the first game to licence the Unreal engine, and had a cool level where you walked along the outside of a ship like in First Contact. Also: shout out to the Voyager game, Elite Force (2000), which was another really good FPS set in the world of Trek, with intriguing gameplay wrinkles as you fought the Borg. It also let you wander round the titular starship between levels. Trek deserves more quality action games like these.

Earth 2150 (2000): the nineties on PC really saw RTS games come down to those who liked Command & Conquer or those who liked Warcraft, but as the decade drew to a close other titles chased the wargame crown (including Total Annihilation, which would have made this list, except I feel like the Supreme Commander franchise is a sequel in all but name). 2150 was notable for its Starcraft-like mix of three factions with contrasting play styles, and its use of 3D graphics and the ability to design and build weapons of war that could lay waste to armies and bases with spectacular results. I think the genre has ossified into something more hardcore, and this was probably an inflex point where idiots like me could still get a handle on things.

Midtown Madness (1999): Microsoft has a history of building up great racing franchises and then abandoning them, but their “Madness” line of games in the late nineties/early noughties was terrific and much-missed. Back when tooling round actual 3D cities was still new and exciting, this was a no-holds-barred arcade racer, with some gorgeous shiny chrome effects on the cars, and very nippy handling. It was great fun smashing up VW Beetles and the like. It was surpassed, I guess, by Project Gotham on the Xbox, and sadly the whole franchise was then forgotten, despite the ascendent Forza franchise mostly shunning city driving.

Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines (1998): part tactical war game, part puzzler, Commandos was famous for its gorgeously intricate graphics and its difficulty – I mean, it was way too hard for me. But its beautiful top-down design and its slow, methodical gameplay was compelling, as you evaded Nazis and solved missions with a team of unique units with special skills. Sequels followed, and western spin-off Desperados, but there’s not been a true follow-up for quite some time, despite promises; and few games have echoed its style or look.

The Pandora Directive (1996): okay, so really this is just a placeholder for an entire subgenre of game that appears to have been forgotten: interactive movies. I know, there are flirtations with this from time to time; and many of these games featured obtuse puzzles and relatively little gameplay strung between FMV scenes. Pandora was great though; a first-person 3D game with loads of old-school adventure aspects, as well as FMV, it was a noir-tinged detective story but set in the future. The Tex Murphy series (of which this was the fourth instalment) has had sequels – the most recent one was sadly cancelled only this year – but many other games of a similar ilk, such as Phantasmagoria and even Wing Commander – have fallen by the wayside. With in-engine graphics now allowing the fluidity and expression of cinematic renders of old, shooting movie inserts doesn’t seem like it’s worthwhile; but I still always loved a point-and-click game that featured digitised actors milling about. Toonstruck, anyone?

Marathon (1994): before Halo there was… Marathon! Back when I used to lug my Pentium round my mate’s house so we could play different games on different machines side-by-side, he’d bang on about this Mac-first series of games, like Doom but better, with an intricate plot and complex levels. And y’know what? He was actually onto something. There’s a style and an earnestness to the Marathon franchise, along with many concepts that would be refined in Halo years later. With Bungie now seemingly committed to Destiny, and Halo in Microsoft’s hands, I’m not sure what could possibly become of this, their forgotten FPS forebear, especially as it shares so much DNA with its offspring.  

Outlaws (1997): LucasArts are famous for two things, really: their Star Wars games and their adventures. But they made loads of other stuff too – including this intriguing Western shoot-em-up. Back when Western games were rarer than Western movies (which were rare at the time), this quirky and difficult cowboy-em-up saw you rounding up outlaws in typical oater locations such as saloons, trains, and mines. It had great music and a really intriguing set of weapons, including (don’t quote me on this) the first sniper rifle in a game. Sadly Outlaws’ success could be described as “cult” and it never got a proper sequel. and, weirdly, despite the success of Red Dead Redemption, we’ve never had a bit Western-themed FPS again. Which is really odd.

Soldier of Fortune (2000): I pondered whether to include this one, as if I’m honest I’m not sure I want this licence brought back. But I can’t deny the game was a huge deal and has seemingly been forgotten. A relatively gritty and realistic combat game with a huge variety of excellent real-world weaponry, its big hook was its incredibly detailed damage modelling, that could see you blowing limbs off enemies, or splitting open heads, or disembowelling them. Whilst its OTT violence made headlines, the granularity of its systems meant you could be more tactical, shooting weapons out of hands. But really its biggest controversy should be its association with a big old gun magazine.

There are many, many other games that nearly made the list - I almost had a Top Ten of just FPS games, for instance. Little Big Adventure was here, till a sequel was announced the other day. Hexen and Heretic I think still have a place in FPS history. Toonstruck, although without a sequel, was only really a cult hit at the time, and I feel the people who’d love it already know about it. I do tend to overthink these things, y’know.

So maybe not all of these could make a comeback, but all the same I don’t think they should be forgotten, and it does make we wonder what games will fall by the wayside twenty or more years from now. That game about the big green space marine dude in a mask – what was that called again…?

[squireofgeekdom]

well now having seen the full shape of season 3 and the explanation for the previously unhinged stuff I was cackling about ... this show is. it’s a rough draft with a skeleton for such a good three season show if they had gone into it knowing they were going to do three seasons and had the chance for a couple rounds of revisions. like, the better version might have pissed me off in the same way that the actual version did, but ... they could have done better execution of something that would rub me the wrong way, at the very least. and that’s ... gah, i was pacing through my living room as i watched the finale after that clicked in my head because the lost potential is. frustrating. don’t get me wrong, the ending (exempting the post credits, which, unsurprisingly, just made me go ‘i don’t caaaaaaare’) got me and I like it, I think they pulled that ending off quite well given everything. i was kind of worried i was going to outright hate this finale and i didnt so that’s nice. but the missed potentiaaaaaaaaal.  

i’m not saying their top failure was killing off hugh (unceremoniously and for no goddamn reason) in season 1 but like. given what they were doing with all three seasons. it’s gotta be fuckin up there as one of the most regret-worthy decisions. I’d call it shortsighted but that implies it achieved something in the short run and it didn’t even do that. honestly? emblematic of a lot of the critical errors they made. also del arco would have been onboard for three seasons and killed it, you monsters, you absolute idiots. 

and? you could have brought him back once you realized what you were going to do next. it wouldn’t even be scraping the ridiculous bar of star trek. it wouldn’t have been scraping the ridiculous bar of this show specifically. you could’ve and you didn’t. morons.

we got actual tuvok back, which i was so looking for and so happy we got, and I was pleased with the shape of how things worked out for seven, on the whole, though the fact that we didn’t get one kiss with her and raffi at the end here is. hey gang. hey i just wanna talk.

I should not have been holding out hope that we’d see Elnor at the end but I’m still cheesed about it. you’re telling me you’re going to give us worf ‘swords are fun’ and not have elnor meet him? you’re telling me you’re not going to let elnor meet data? you monsters. you idiots. you had such a good character and such a good relationship with picard and such a good foil to other characters and relationships and you fucking squandered it. you didn’t even mention it. what is Wrong with you. (also speaking of romulans. we’re just never even going to touch back on Laris, huh. huh.)

speaking of things (like hugh) from previous seasons that they just chucked out the window for no good reason despite them being directly relevant to the plot at hand... you built up to doing that whole thing with agnes as new borg queen letting become the borg become like seven at the end of season two and you did nothing with that in a season ending resolving around the borg and in which seven has been central? are you high? I didn’t even particularly like that plot point and i’m still like... how did you not bring that into this. (much in the way i was like ‘you’re going to do all this in s2 and you just threw hugh away in s1 despite the obvious relevance’ but at least then they had the excuse of him being dead they weren’t just ignoring his existence) like was the impulse just ‘we think a lot of people are going to come in and watch this season for the whole tng cast without watching the previous one so we can only keep like two things from previous seasons and one of them is raffi and the other is the status quo for seven? (and again. if you’re keeping those two. no kiss? no resolution? excuse me?) that like. has to be it but it’s still Dumb. 

(in fairness, they also didn’t have any specific romantic resolution to jean luc and beverly so like. im less mad than i would have been. like i think you can take the implications of resolution there as about equivalent so like. fair but i’m still mad because seven and raffi are specific to this! damn! show! the one you are making! and finishing! here! hey!)

and speaking of character deaths (like hugh) yes im still angry about them killing off ro laren. that was bad and much of what surrounded it was bad and they should feel bad, frankly. 

also while i’m being grumpy i still cant believe they said lal was a part of this new android and then literally never mentioned her again the entire season, even when they were listing off everyone else. genuinely what the actual fuck. mmm. yeah i’m going to ignore most of what was going on with data here with the exception of his interactions with geordi. rights for levar burton and levar burton Only. 

(i’m going to ignore most of this season. really just going through and having selective acceptance of very specific portions of this entire show. the only way to deal with new ‘canon’ lbr) 

the gang all sitting around playing poker though. that made me happy. that worked. a lot of the nostalgia didn’t (if i wanted to see this crew on the bridge of the enterprise d i could be rewatching next generation episodes. they are still there) but that felt satisfying. there was some cool shit! some fun character beats! some very sweet and satisfying things! like on the whole the finale was better than it had any right to be after that season! 

but just!! choices were made that i Do Not Vibe With! and massive amounts of potential were missed! 

<sighs deeply>

will this annoyance inspire me to put the hugh and elnor centric fixit/backstory fic back in the rotation of twentysomething wips? only time will tell. maybe i’ll finish that one data and geordi post-ep oneshot. who knows. not me. 

we have reached a tipping point where im just cackling about how unhinged this season is

picard spoilers under the cut

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